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marscardigan · 2 months ago

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bad thoughts

joel miller x reader

Not a lot, just forever universe

This is my first fic here, hope you enjoy thiss <3

Summary: After feeling down for a while, Joel makes you smile again.

Warnings: Pregancy, Ellie being kinda mean.

You have had a shitty day. Since the birth of your baby girl, you felt exhausted. You only wanted to be inside your bed all day, or between your boyfriends arms. So when you came home after a walk to ease your nerves, and you didn't find Joel, you were on the verge of tears. It wasn't really that bad; you just weren't in the mood to get to sleep Clementine, especially knowing how hard it was. It wasn't until Ellie came down the stairs that you got an idea.

"Hey kiddo" You sighed, with your daughter in your arms.

"Hey," Ellie didn't look at you. Instead, she grabbed a banana and her backpack. "I'm going to Dina's tonight".

"I-uh... I was hoping you could help me to get Clem to sleep." The named one started crying. "I'm exhausted today"

Ellie groaned. "When you're not lately?"

The comment surprised you. "Well, could you help me, please? I promise I will make up to you." You tried to smile, shushing the cries of the baby.

"It's- ugh" She looked up at you, now. "I'm kinda late."

"Please, Ells, you know I normally would do it myself, but my back is hurting really bad."

"Jesus." The teenager then grabbed your daughter and went up the stairs. The moment the baby left your chest, she started to get quiet.

Twenty minutes later, Ellie was leaving Clementine's room with an unhappy frown. "Done."

"Thank you so, so much, hon." You then went to hug her, but she dodged it. She was gone by the time you said goodbye.

The last months, you and Ellie weren't at the best point of your friendship. You tried to think that it was because she was becoming more independent, but when she still did all the things she used to do with Joel, you couldn't help but get an uneasy feeling in your stomach. You then went to your shared bedroom with Joel, and tears started rolling. Likewise, you didn't even hear the front door opening and Joel calling your name. It was then when he found you, curled up in your bed with your face all wet.

"Hey, hey, hey, angel." He grabbed softly your chin to look at your eyes. "What happened?"

You babbled something, but your head was all melted. You couldn't make coherent thoughts, let alone talk. "It's okay; breathe with me."

Minutes went by, and Joel didn't leave your side until you calmed yourself down.

"It's just-" You hiccuped. "I just feel like an awful mother"

"With Clem?" You avoided his gaze. "Yeah. And also Ellie. Both hate me."

"Don't you dare to say that." He made you look into his dark, warm eyes. "You are the best mother they could ever ask for. Why would you think that?"

"Well... I can't put asleep my own baby - that I birthed myself - also, if I grab her, she screams like I'm burning her." Tears threatened to come again at the thought of your daughter loathing you. "And Ellie... Lately, I feel like a burden when I'm around her. I feel useless; I miss our relationship before I got pregnant. When she used to tell me everything and we cooked together. I feel like I'm losing them both, and I'm scared that-"

Joel called your name in a way that all your bad thoughts vanished. "You are not a burden. And you are absolutely not a bad mother. It is normal you feel that way. I can't imagine all that you have had to be gone through last year. Getting pregnant and giving birth in times like this? That alone is a miracle that you did yourself. And yes, raising a baby and a teenager at the same time might seem like hell, but we will go through it, together" He then kissed your forehead softly. "I've been having this feeling Ellie is kinda jealous or something about Clem, I don't know. What if you two talked tomorrow? Just tell her exactly what you just told me. She might be kinda bratty, but she is mature enough to understand what you're going through. I'm sure. And about little Clem, let me take care of her this week. You need to rest and before caring about others, you need to care about yourself first. If you're okay, we will be okay."

Tears rolled again in your cheeks, and Joel dried up every single one of them. "Please, don't ever think again any of those awful things. You are marvelous, angel." You then smiled, stealing a kiss from those lips you loved so dearly.

#joel miller angst #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tlou hbo #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you

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fictionadventurer · 1 year ago

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He smiled, and his smile was like the missing piece of a mosaic. It turned Floriano into one of the most handsome men that Daniela had ever seen.

-A Beautiful Tomorrow by fictionadventurer, in case you thought I was kidding about Cap Garland influencing the characters I write about

Cap Garland was strongest and quickest. Inside the window, Laura and Mary and Minnie all watched him throwing the ball and leaping to catch it. He was not as handsome as black-haired Ben, but there was something about him. He was always good-natured and his grin was like a flash of light. It was like the sun coming up at dawn; it changed everything.

- The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder, passing on a childhood crush to future generations.

#adventures in writing #flori was not the love interest here #which is also very cap garland of him #i've been thinking about this story a lot lately #because i desperately want to write an original fantasy with a lot of political intrigue #while having no ideas about what politics are going on #so i keep trying to adapt these characters into a new story #while every idea i come up with was 'what if this was not the same story at all'#'and the characters would be the same in name only'#and nothing is coherent #but it doesn't stop me from wishing it would fall into place

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hiding-under-the-willow · 1 month ago

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I am being brave and wandering into your ask box so you can ramble about the ghost au. It looks neat and I'm so curious owo

YAY YEAH YIPPEE!!!

Okay I'm just gonna try and synthesize all of the random notes I've written in the last few days into something of a vaguely coherent list lol

Grian and Joel are roommates looking for a new flat when they get the call that Grian has inherited a house, they very impulsively and foolishly decide to keep the thing that is way too large and far too run down for the two of them to handle, the house is so incredibly haunted, normal bbc ghosts plot ensues

Grian is the one who almost dies and ends up being able to see ghosts. Mumbo is the one who pushes him out the window. Which is ironic bc Mumbo was very much not pro killing the new inhabitants of the house when the other ghosts were scheming ways to get rid of them.

Okay so ghost facts.

Bdubs is obviously highly based on Robin the caveman, I imagine him being slightly closer to the end of the paleolithic period than Robin. I think he may or may not have had some weird cult stuff going in. Weird cult leader caveman guy worshiping the sun and moon. Yes the cloak is real moss. There's bugs in that thing

Wels and Hels killed eachother in a duel, right on the property line, which now neither of them can cross in death. So now both of them is just stuck on either side of the fence seething about it for the rest of time. I like how ridiculous and arbitrary the ghost property line rules are in ghosts, so I find this incredibly funny. Hels is the guy Black Knight stories are based on

Ren wasn't actually a king, he was some type of noble who tried to declare himself king of a specific area, hence the beheading. Whooooooo let's go treason!!

Cleo was not doing actual witch craft at the time she was accused of it, she was however probably doing other illegal and vaguely fucked stuff. Mayhaps that's why she was accused, someone wanted her out of the way and that was an easy and surefire way to get rid of her

Keralis. My silly silly little guy. Our Kitty stand in. I just thought the idea of him dying from pufferfish poisoning was really funny considering him and XB's whole thing. I wanna have XB around, I can't decide if I want him to be a marine biologist of some kind who drowned on the next property over that keralis talks to over the fence, or if he's just like a grounds keeper who takes care of the lake next door that keralis is parasocially obsessed with lol

Beef. Beef my beloved. Period piece romance novel protagonist looking mf <3 He grew up in a family of butchers, became an impressionist painter instead of joining the family business. Focused a lot on pastoral scenes, especially stuff involving farm animals and especially cows. His family thought his career choice was kind of useless and frivolous, his artist colleagues thought his choice of painting subject was kind of frivolous. That's where he got the nickname 'Beef', now it's all anyone remembers him by, AND the fucking paints killed him 😔

Scar!!! The scammiest fucking traveling salesman on the planet. Death of a Salesman death of the American dream type vibes on that guy. He's gotta pay his medical bills somehow man, can't even really blame him for all the grifting. He probably should've been more careful with who he was scamming though, he maybe pissed off the wrong guy (do not scam mobsters! They will have someone kill you about it!)

Xisuma, given the greatest honor of being my Captian stand in. He was a sharp shooter, until his eye got fucked up and he lost his good aim. They shipped him off to the country side to work in 'intelligence', he takes his job very seriously despite this obviously just being somewhere they put him to not have to deal with him. Seriously enough in fact to discover a spy in their ranks! Just in time for that spy to kill him real bad. Damn.

Joe my absolutely beloved. Pat stand in but not quite. He was a popular radio host, he did a lot of volunteer work as a voice/performer for hire. He gets recruited to do some announcer work for a scouting event. There is, mayhaps, a much more. Uh. DIY. Scouting event happening on the next property over. There is an accident involving some homemade fireworks next door (cubfan. when I get you cubfan.), the fireworks going off scares some kid in the middle of fucking around with a bow, Joe gets shot, you can assume the rest. Cub is ghosting around next door cause of the fireworks accident if it makes you feel any better lol

Mumbo my stupid nervous guy. Ran a large tech startup in the late 90s, should not have been given that kind of power over a company. Accidentally did like. A lot of finance crime. Found out about said finance crime and immediately had a fucking heartattack and died from the panic. My cringe fail businessman I love you

Yeah yeah okay so neighbor ghosts. Cub, Hels, maybe XB, and Gem.

Etho is their weird annoying neighbor, he can also see ghosts, but it'll take awhile for everyone to figure that out.

In the same way Grian can see ghosts bc Mumbo tried to kill him, Etho can see ghosts bc Hels tried to kill him (haven't decided how exactly that went down yet)

I've been thinking about what to do with the basement ghosts and I think I want to put team zits down there.

Uh. Other human cast. Jimmy is around! He kind of fills an Obi type role, silly friend who is just kind of around a lot. I think I wanna have Lizzie as like a local barista Joel has a crush on. The ghosts get in his way every time he tries to make a move on her.

Obviously a lot of the ghosts aren't strict one to one fill ins for the original show's ghosts. Ren and Beef are both kind of drawing elements from both Thomas and Humphrey, Wels and X are both kind of drawing from Fanny and Cap, Scar and Mumbo both kind of combine to make up Julian's character. So on and so forth. All of the stuff with Etho and his property's ghosts is obviously all stuff I just did cause I thought it was fun lol

Oh yeah! Ghost powers! Okay obvious stuff, Bdubs has Robin's ability to fuck with lights, Cleo has the same burning smell as Mary, Mumbo can push stuff like Julian. Non obvious stuff. I want Joe to be able to be heard through like radios and phones and such. Hels has to have something to have almost killed Etho but I've yet to decide what that is. If Hels has something I think it would be funny to then have Wels also have the same power, but like. Weaker. So he can be pissy about it. Obviously.

Uh yeah that's all i can think of off the top of my head

Anyways, yeah!!! That's the basic constructions of this au. I had this idea like 3 days ago and have. Obviously thought about it a lot in that time lmao

You can't put two pieces of media in front of me and not expect me to go insane about it <3

#atlas speaks #hc ghosts au #I've gotten like 5 other asks in the time it took me to type all this omg #I'll go through those in a bit to see if there's anything i can elaborate on #I'm so glad people like this au it's infested my brain so fucking bad #glad i can inflict it on other people #long post

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localceilingdevil · 5 months ago

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grahhhh I've been diseased by skykid anatomy. I'll probably do a ton of tweaks but idk ive been thinking about it a LOT.

I'll probably reblog this with more art elaborating on skykid anatomy. maybe I'll go into depth on the creatures too!!

rambles below the cut. I'm open to hearing different headcanons! I'm trying to sort things out for lore purposes and idk. its hard having only one brain

so I've seen a ton of different headcanons regarding skykids and their inner workings and it's no secret that skykids have a core where they store all their light, along with wedges along their back for flight. the primary headcanon I've heard about is that skykids are beings made of clay with light as the rest of them, so it's like their soul is encased in a skykid-shaped clay. while that headcanon is cool and all, i wanted to make my skykids closer to human anatomy because human anatomy bangs, and I just need their bones to be breakable for lore purposes ok ? right then.

overall i just think having them keep most organs (maybe having an extra few for the purposes of light, actually) but then having their blood be light instead was my best bet. i didn't want them to be too simple, and. i wanted them to be sturdy. idk. that's just my two cents though, I'm really not great at explaining this stuff in a coherent way </3

i have my own ideas on krillkids but I'll have to do a sketch for them too. meteor technically is a krillkid hybrid but i got lazy and did fullblood skykid anatomy on him sob

#skykid #skycotl #sky cotl #sky:cotl #sky: children of the light #sky children of the light #art #anatomy #buggies skycotl posting

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catboybiologist · 1 month ago

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Hey it's a life update that probably no one cared about or asked for

tl;dr: I'm likely quitting my PhD via mastering out, and leaving my program in June.

sappy, overly emotional vent/explanation:

I'm wrapping up my first quarter as an out-of-the-closet trans woman. I've had some serious conversations about where me and my work stand. This was always my intention after coming back from my summer hiatus/social transition: see how "reentry" works, and then assess from there.

For those that don't know, PhDs in the US take 5-7 years. Oftentimes, however, they either give you a master's along the way, or give you an option to quit halfway through with a master's. I'm in my 3rd year and have more than enough to use that option. I've toyed with this idea before, but it feels a bit different now. Last year, I was burned out from science, my project was failing, and I was under constant stress of boymoding and remaining in the closet. Now, I'm out and proud, and I deeply love my project and find it exciting. I fixed some things.

Unfortunately, I have a recurrent problem. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, the first thing to drop off is my ability to drive forward my own thesis project in a coherent way. What the actual problems are vary, but that motif stays the same. I could list off what's going on right now, but I think y'all can assume a bit of what a mid-20s, broke, recently transitioned trans woman in the US is going through at the moment. There's a lot of specifics, of course, but I'm not at liberty to say most of it.

So I'm looking around and realizing I have scraps of half finished projects, I've given support and help for other people's projects.... and then made little progress on my actual thesis. It's enough to pull together into a master's thesis, and maybe even another paper or two, but.... not a PhD.

And then there's the other side of it. The nicer reasons. Could I stay here, buckle down, maybe add years to my degree, and get through it? Probably. But honestly? I don't really want to put myself through that now. It used to be that academics was all I had. It was all my failures and all my successes. It's what I threw myself at, because I genuinely had nothing else going on. Since transitioning, the world seems so much more beautiful and rich, so much more complex and vast, with so much more to do in it. I've even had more negative experiences unrelated to academia, and while they've sucked, they've shown me that life is so much bigger than it was before.

To be blunt, to experience more of my life... it helps to have money, and it helps to have career stability. It's not the only factor by far, but certainly one defining moment when making this decision was trying to create a timeline and budget for transition related surgeries, and realizing that its near impossible in grad school.

Not to be dramatic, but I've also had a couple extremely jarring experiences in the past year that are reminded me that life is short. And I want at least some time to enjoy it.

My heart is honestly broken here, and I'm feeling extremely emotional about this. I love my lab, my colleagues, the environment of doing research, and my project. But I'm realizing that it might not be viable, or what makes me the happiest at the moment. I'm genuinely a bit distraught, and I've been crying a lot for the past few days. A lot of me feels like this is what I am, and this is what I'm good for. That I'm failing myself and every mentor that got me here. Some part of me knows that isn't true, some part of me can't let go of those feelings.

But, I know this doesn't mean "never". So many of the people in my program are significantly older than me, coming back later in life to get their degrees. I'm honestly almost positive that I'll come back to a PhD someday if I quit now. In my 30s or beyond, I think that I'll be able equipped to handle it much better.

So what's next?

Obviously, nothing is decided, and I'm just spitballing here. But I'm honestly shocked at how many viable options I have, in a very good way. A cursory scroll of Indeed was honestly therapeutic. As I said, I still love the academic research environment. I just need more money and stability, and would prefer to have a slightly different relationship to the work I do than a thesis project. Ideally, I would want to be a staff researcher in an institute or academic lab. That lets me keep a lot of the things I like about what I do now, while also making literally 2-3 times the money and having a more stable position.There's positions out there that maximize the contexts I'm the strongest and happiest with, while still being more steady and paying more. Hell, even if my responsibilities were identical, but I had more pay, I could probably more effectively address the personal problems I'm going through right now. I'm gonna stay in California for a lot of reasons, and I'm lucky that there's so many options within the state.

I have a bit of an oddball set of experience. I'll actually have two nonoverlapping master's if I do this. I already have a MS in bioinformatics, which was granted by a CS department. But my current program is in more "pure" molecular and cell biology. I'll have 5 years of grad school, 8.5 years of research experience if I include undergrad research, and instead of a PhD, 2 MSs. Which is kinda funny. But it think it helps represent my experience for what it is. I like to consider myself a "full stack" bioinformaticist- someone who can do both the experimental and analysis portions of experiments that produce large data. Hopefully I'll be able to put that to good use.

I have a lot of professional contacts that I'll slowly be reaching out to over the course of the next 6 months while I tie things up. I know this is a wildshot on tumblr of all places, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, or contacts, I'm all ears- both for professional and job hunt related things, and also the emotional state I'm in right now.

Thank you to everyone that's made up this wonderful community we have online. I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I'll still be a biologist, I'll still be my trans self. I just won't be "Doctor" anytime soon.

#biology #academia #phd #vent

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mostlysignssomeportents · 3 months ago

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Dirty words are politically potent

On OCTOBER 23 at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.

Making up words is a perfectly cromulent passtime, and while most of the words we coin disappear as soon as they fall from our lips, every now and again, you find a word that fits so nice and kentucky in the public discourse that it acquires a life of its own:

http://meaningofliff.free.fr/definition.php3?word=Kentucky

I've been trying to increase the salience of digital human rights in the public imagination for a quarter of a century, starting with the campaign to get people to appreciate that the internet matters, and that tech policy isn't just the delusion that the governance of spaces where sad nerds argue about Star Trek is somehow relevant to human thriving:

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2010/10/04/small-change-malcolm-gladwell

Now, eventually people figured out that a) the internet mattered and, b) it was going dreadfully wrong. So my job changed again, from "how the internet is governed matters" to "you can't fix the internet with wishful thinking," for example, when people said we could solve its problems by banning general purpose computers:

https://memex.craphound.com/2012/01/10/lockdown-the-coming-war-on-general-purpose-computing/

Or by banning working cryptography:

https://memex.craphound.com/2018/09/04/oh-for-fucks-sake-not-this-fucking-bullshit-again-cryptography-edition/

Or by redesigning web browsers to treat their owners as threats:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2017/09/open-letter-w3c-director-ceo-team-and-membership

Or by using bots to filter every public utterance to ensure that they don't infringe copyright:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2018/09/today-europe-lost-internet-now-we-fight-back

Or by forcing platforms to surveil and police their users' speech (aka "getting rid of Section 230"):

https://www.techdirt.com/2020/06/23/hello-youve-been-referred-here-because-youre-wrong-about-section-230-communications-decency-act/

Along the way, many of us have coined words in a bid to encapsulate the abstract, technical ideas at the core of these arguments. This isn't a vanity project! Creating a common vocabulary is a necessary precondition for having the substantive, vital debates we'll need to tackle the real, thorny issues raised by digital systems. So there's "free software," "open source," "filternet," "chat control," "back doors," and my own contributions, like "adversarial interoperability":

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/10/adversarial-interoperability

Or "Competitive Compatibility" ("comcom"), a less-intimidatingly technical term for the same thing:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/12/competitive-compatibility-year-review

These have all found their own niches, but nearly all of them are just that: niche. Some don't even rise to "niche": they're shibboleths, insider terms that confuse and intimidate normies and distract from the real fights with semantic ones, like whether it's "FOSS" or "FLOSS" or something else entirely:

https://opensource.stackexchange.com/questions/262/what-is-the-difference-between-foss-and-floss

But every now and again, you get a word that just kills. That brings me to "enshittification," a word I coined in 2022:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

"Enshittification" took root in my hindbrain, rolling around and around, agglomerating lots of different thoughts and critiques I'd been making for years, crystallizing them into a coherent thesis:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

This kind of spontaneous crystallization is the dividend of doing lots of work in public, trying to take every half-formed thought and pin it down in public writing, something I've been doing for decades:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

After those first couple articles, "enshittification" raced around the internet. There's two reasons for this: first, "enshittification" is a naughty word that's fun to say. Journalists love getting to put "shit" in their copy:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/15/crosswords/linguistics-word-of-the-year.html

Radio journalists love to tweak the FCC with cheekily bleeped syllables in slightly dirty compound words:

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/projects/enshitification

And nothing enlivens an academic's day like getting to use a word like "enshittification" in a journal article (doubtless this also amuses the editors, peer-reviewers, copyeditors, typesetters, etc):

https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=enshittification&btnG=&oq=ensh

That was where I started, too! The first time I used "enshittification" was in a throwaway bad-tempered rant about the decay of Tripadvisor into utter uselessness, which drew a small chorus of appreciative chuckles about the word:

https://twitter.com/doctorow/status/1550457808222552065

The word rattled around my mind for five months before attaching itself to my detailed theory of platform decay. But it was that detailed critique, coupled with a minor license to swear, that gave "enshittification" a life of its own. How do I know that the theory was as important as the swearing? Because the small wave of amusement that followed my first use of "enshittification" petered out in less than a day. It was only when I added the theory that the word took hold.

Likewise: how do I know that the theory needed to be blended with swearing to break out of the esoteric realm of tech policy debates (which the public had roundly ignored for more than two decades)? Well, because I spent two decades writing about this stuff without making anything like the dents that appeared once I added an Anglo-Saxon monosyllable to that critique.

Adding "enshittification" to the critique got me more column inches, a longer hearing, a more vibrant debate, than anything else I'd tried. First, Wired availed itself of the Creative Commons license on my second long-form article on the subject and reprinted it as a 4,200-word feature. I've been writing for Wired for more than thirty years and this is by far the longest thing I've published with them – a big, roomy, discursive piece that was run verbatim, with every one of my cherished darlings unmurdered.

That gave the word – and the whole critique, with all its spiky corners – a global airing, leading to more pickup and discussion. Eventually, the American Dialect Society named it their "Word of the Year" (and their "Tech Word of the Year"):

https://americandialect.org/2023-word-of-the-year-is-enshittification/

"Enshittification" turns out to be catnip for language nerds:

https://becauselanguage.com/90-enpoopification/#transcript-60

I've been dragged into (good natured) fights over the German, Spanish, French and Italian translations for the term. When I taped an NPR show before a live audience with ASL interpretation, I got to watch a Deaf fan politely inform the interpreter that she didn't need to finger-spell "enshittification," because it had already been given an ASL sign by the US Deaf community:

https://maximumfun.org/episodes/go-fact-yourself/ep-158-aida-rodriguez-cory-doctorow/

I gave a speech about enshittification in Berlin and published the transcript:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/30/go-nuts-meine-kerle/#ich-bin-ein-bratapfel

Which prompted the rock-ribbed Financial Times to get in touch with me and publish the speech – again, nearly verbatim – as a whopping 6,400 word feature in their weekend magazine:

https://www.ft.com/content/6fb1602d-a08b-4a8c-bac0-047b7d64aba5

Though they could have had it for free (just as Wired had), they insisted on paying me (very well, as it happens!), as did De Zeit:

https://www.zeit.de/digital/internet/2024-03/plattformen-facebook-google-internet-cory-doctorow

This was the start of the rise of enshittification. The word is spreading farther than ever, in ways that I have nothing to do with, along with the critique I hung on it. In other words, the bit of string that tech policy wonks have been pushing on for a quarter of a century is actually starting to move, and it's actually accelerating.

Despite this (or more likely because of it), there's a growing chorus of "concerned" people who say they like the critique but fret that it is being held back because you can't use it "at church or when talking to K-12 students" (my favorite variant: "I couldn't say this at a NATO conference"). I leave it up to you whether you use the word with your K-12 students, NATO generals, or fellow parishoners (though I assure you that all three groups are conversant with the dirty little word at the root of my coinage). If you don't want to use "enshittification," you can coin your own word – or just use one of the dozens of words that failed to gain public attention over the past 25 years (might I suggest "platform decay?").

What's so funny about all this pearl-clutching is that it comes from people who universally profess to have the intestinal fortitude to hear the word "enshittification" without experiencing psychological trauma, but worry that other people might not be so strong-minded. They continue to say this even as the most conservative officials in the most staid of exalted forums use the word without a hint of embarrassment, much less apology:

https://www.independent.ie/business/technology/chairman-of-irish-social-media-regulator-says-europe-should-not-be-seduced-by-mario-draghis-claims/a526530600.html

I mean, I'm giving a speech on enshittification next month at a conference where I'm opening for the Secretary General of the United Nations:

https://icanewdelhi2024.coop/welcome/pages/Programme

After spending half my life trying to get stuff like this into the discourse, I've developed some hard-won, informed views on how ideas succeed:

First: the minor obscenity is a feature, not a bug. The marriage of something long and serious to something short and funny is a happy one that makes both the word and the ideas better off than they'd be on their own. As Lenny Bruce wrote in his canonical work in the subject, the aptly named How to Talk Dirty and Influence People:

I want to help you if you have a dirty-word problem. There are none, and I'll spell it out logically to you.

Here is a toilet. Specifically-that's all we're concerned with, specifics-if I can tell you a dirty toilet joke, we must have a dirty toilet. That's what we're all talking about, a toilet. If we take this toilet and boil it and it's clean, I can never tell you specifically a dirty toilet joke about this toilet. I can tell you a dirty toilet joke in the Milner Hotel, or something like that, but this toilet is a clean toilet now. Obscenity is a human manifestation. This toilet has no central nervous system, no level of consciousness. It is not aware; it is a dumb toilet; it cannot be obscene; it's impossible. If it could be obscene, it could be cranky, it could be a Communist toilet, a traitorous toilet. It can do none of these things. This is a dirty toilet here.

Nobody can offend you by telling a dirty toilet story. They can offend you because it's trite; you've heard it many, many times.

https://www.dacapopress.com/titles/lenny-bruce/how-to-talk-dirty-and-influence-people/9780306825309/

Second: the fact that a neologism is sometimes decoupled from its theoretical underpinnings and is used colloquially is a feature, not a bug. Many people apply the term "enshittification" very loosely indeed, to mean "something that is bad," without bothering to learn – or apply – the theoretical framework. This is good. This is what it means for a term to enter the lexicon: it takes on a life of its own. If 10,000,000 people use "enshittification" loosely and inspire 10% of their number to look up the longer, more theoretical work I've done on it, that is one million normies who have been sucked into a discourse that used to live exclusively in the world of the most wonkish and obscure practitioners. The only way to maintain a precise, theoretically grounded use of a term is to confine its usage to a small group of largely irrelevant insiders. Policing the use of "enshittification" is worse than a self-limiting move – it would be a self-inflicted wound. As I said in that Berlin speech:

Enshittification names the problem and proposes a solution. It's not just a way to say 'things are getting worse' (though of course, it's fine with me if you want to use it that way. It's an English word. We don't have der Rat für englische Rechtschreibung. English is a free for all. Go nuts, meine Kerle).

Finally: "coinage" is both more – and less – than thinking of the word. After the American Dialect Society gave honors to "enshittification," a few people slid into my mentions with citations to "enshittification" that preceded my usage. I find this completely unsurprising, because English is such a slippery and playful tongue, because English speakers love to swear, and because infixing is such a fun way to swear (e.g. "unfuckingbelievable"). But of course, I hadn't encountered any of those other usages before I came up with the word independently, nor had any of those other usages spread appreciably beyond the speaker (it appears that each of the handful of predecessors to my usage represents an act of independent coinage).

If "coinage" was just a matter of thinking up the word, you could write a small python script that infixed the word "shit" into every syllable of every word in the OED, publish the resulting text file, and declare priority over all subsequent inventive swearers.

On the one hand, coinage takes place when the coiner a) independently invents a word; and b) creates the context for that word that causes it to escape from the coiner's immediate milieu and into the wider world.

But on the other hand – and far more importantly – the fact that a successful coinage requires popular uptake by people unknown to the coiner means that the coiner only ever plays a small role in the coinage. Yes, there would be no popularization without the coinage – but there would also be no coinage without the popularization. Words belong to groups of speakers, not individuals. Language is a cultural phenomenon, not an individual one.

Which is rather the point, isn't it? After a quarter of a century of being part of a community that fought tirelessly to get a serious and widespread consideration of tech policy underway, we're closer than ever, thanks, in part, to "enshittification." If someone else independently used that word before me, if some people use the word loosely, if the word makes some people uncomfortable, that's fine, provided that the word is doing what I want it to do, what I've devoted my life to doing.

The point of coining words isn't the pilkunnussija's obsession with precise usage, nor the petty glory of being known as a coiner, nor ensuring that NATO generals' virgin ears are protected from the word "shit" – a word that, incidentally, is also the root of "science":

https://www.arrantpedantry.com/2019/01/24/science-and-shit/

Isn't language fun?

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/14/pearl-clutching/#this-toilet-has-no-central-nervous-system

#pluralistic #language #enshittification #obscenity #linguistics #pearl-clutching #lenny bruce

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imsobadatnicknames2 · 1 month ago

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You've had many good takes on AI and copyright laws, so I was wondering if I could ask you about your views on plagiarism? I do know how generative AI works (it's not plagiarism). Also, I appreciate the stance that people shouldn't be able to own ideas (the basic foundation of anti-copyright beliefs), but if you don't own ideas, then doesn't that sort of make plagiarism a non-crime? That doesn't seem right to me. Or is it that credit =/= ownership and thus the two are separate things that can coexist where one is bad and the other is good?

Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about something that I've been itching to talk about for a long time hehe. You're on the right track, my stance is EXACTLY that credit =/= ownership.

Copyright infringement is when you reproduce a work or part of a work in a way that was not authorized by its legal owner. It is a violation of ownership. Plagiarism is when you take work or part of a work that was created by the labor of someone else and present yourself as the creator. It is a violation of credit.

Since when it comes to intellectual works I respect the concept of credit but not the concept of ownership, I think plagiarism is universally bad in a way that copyright infringement is not.

I think part of the confusion around this topic comes from the fact that many people tend to conceptualize plagiarism as A Type Of copyright infringement (and afaik it is sometimes legally defined that way although I think that makes no sense for reasons I will explain in the next paragraph) because they often only encounter the term in relation to things that are both plagiarism AND copyright infringement at the same time (to name a high-profile example, what James Somerton did to other youtubers was BOTH plagiarism AND copyright infringement at the same time), so they end up mentally conflating the two terms, and consequently think that when people like me are defending copyright infringement we are also defending plagiarism.

But the way I see it, plagiarism and copyright infringement are two separate concepts. They sometimes overlap, but it's completely possible to have either one without the other. For example, if I were to grab a song from the public domain and claim that I wrote it, I would be committing plagiarism, since I would be claiming credit for work that I didn't make, but I wouldn't be committing copyright infringement, because no one owns the song. Conversely, if I were to burn copies of my CD collection and start selling them (or even just gifting them) to people, while correctly labelling them as the corresponding artist, I would be committing copyright infringement, since I would be copying and distributing the music without the legal owner's permission, but not plagiarism, since I'm not claiming credit for anything I didn't create myself. So at least to me it's an entirely coherent position to unconditionally defend copyright infringement without having that defense extend to plagiarism.

Causing further confusion between copyright infringement and plagiarism is the fact that a lot of people tend to unconsciously conflate the concepts of *creator* and *legal owner*, since they're not aware of how common it is in any professional creative industry for people to not be the legal owners of the stuff they create, and thus end up perceiving any violation of the ip holder's ownership as a violation of the creator's credit. The clearest example I can think of this was earlier this year when the Palworld devs were accused of plagiarizing designs from pokemon. I saw at least a few people say things along the line of "you might think they're sticking it to a big corporation but when they do this they're actually not stealing from nintendo or gamefreak, they're stealing from the hardworking artists who created those designs", which to me came off as completely ridiculous because none of those designs are in any way owned by the creators that made them, they're legally owned by the companies those artists work for.

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iinthehexcore · 2 months ago

Text

random steb HCs

summary: A braindump of random things about Steb!

wordcount:

a/n: this truly is just... a bit of everything, HAHAH! not coherent and a bit all over the place, my bad! i also put some steb x librarian headcanons at the end for those who have read that! might be adding more things later on :)

⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

Despite being an Enforcer, I don't think he is a very violent man. If he has to, he can be (like we saw in S2E9, for example) but that is only when the situation calls for it. Still, he would not be reckless I don't think.

Something tells me that he played an instrument as a kid - maybe piano - which he never tells anyone about. The only way to find out is to see him actually playing it.

Is a pretty decent cook! Despite working long hours, he still tries to eat mainly homemade meals. Has gotten into meal prepping to make things easier for himself.

Might be quiet, but is still confident in his skills. A lot of new Enforcers whisper about him and try to figure him out, sometimes even thinking he is just too scared to speak, but when they see him in the training room, they quickly change their mind.

Despite being very silent himself, he actually doesn't mind being around people who talk a lot, as long as they don't poke fun at him for not talking back. He's used to Maddie not ever being quiet, but she never laughed at him or anything like that.

About Maddie, I think he kind of blamed himself in a way about her betraying everyone? He had trained with her for a while and he did consider her as a friend, but in the heat of the battle, he wasn't quite able to process the actual death and betrayal. Though feeling deeply hurt by her actions, I do think that he mourned the idea of her/the friend he lost, though he would not excuse her from her mistakes.

His apartment is probably super comfortable and cozy. I'm imagining a lot of dark wood, maybe some leather, a candle here and there, lots of books, and warm lights. Probably an apartment that's higher up in a building so he can look out over Piltover.

Steb's 'free time' clothes are not extremely different from what his Enforcer uniform looks like. Probably wears button-ups with a sweater on top, some nice pants, and leather shoes.

Maybe wears glasses (saw this in a fanart and I've been sold ever since)

ROMANTIC!

He takes time to warm up to his partner, but once he does, he is basically an open book.

GREAT at communication. If something bothers him, if he feels a bit down, anything that could potentially start miscommunication - he will tell you immediately. In turn, he is also always open for you to talk about anything you want with him.

Loves to leave little surprises for you for when you wake up. He is definitely a morning person, starting most days with a workout. I think he would do things like setting up the table for breakfast, leaving sweet notes on your bedside table, cleaning up stuff that you didn't get the chance to clean the night before. Then when he comes home from working out he has flowers or a sweet treat in his hands, kissing your cheek before walking to the shower.

Let's you wear his shirts/clothes.

Not the biggest fan of PDA, but he does always stay close to you and/or hold your hand.

LIBRARIAN READER AND STEB!

The first time he went to the library, he actually didn't want to go there. Not because of you or because of the library - he was just super tired and thought that everyone would be able to just go there themselves. The next week, Maddie offered to go as she knew Steb was annoyed from the week before, but she was surprised when he said no.

He probably kept most, if not all, of the written receipts that you had given back to him from every single time he came to bring back books.

Noticed immediately when you got a new pen and thought it was sweet.

Very observant, so he could tell what your favorite cafe/order was just from empty packages that were in the trashcan next to your desk. When he went to get it for you as a surprise/gift for finishing your essays, he had not expected you to be there, and then he had to deal with thousands of questions from Maddie.

Cait knew something was up with him, but she never fully found out what it was until the drink and when he had written her a message, asking if he 'and a guest' could be authorized to enter the Piltover Council building. She had her suspicions from when he asked her to let the library close early, though.

I think that Steb was actually very nervous to show you the Council building. He knew you would love it - as you told him many times before - but he wasn't sure if it would be like you imagined. Spent a lot of time trying to pick out which clothes to wear and even more time on figuring out the best strategy to get you up there without raising suspicion.

Afterwards thought that guiding you while you had your eyes closed was maybe not the best way of doing so, but was glad you still enjoyed it.

Steb actually did go home with you at the end of chapter 2. You made tea, talked, and then both fell asleep on the couch. You woke up with a sore neck (from leaning against the man for the entire night), but that wasn't anything Steb couldn't help with. Told you to lay on the couch, covered you with a thick blanket, made you tea, and read a book next to you.

#arcane imagines #steb arcane #arcane imagine #arcane #steb #steb x reader #steb imagine #arcane x reader

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adobe-outdesign · 5 months ago

Note

I've been reading some of your Pokemon reviews and you've mentioned the design philosophies of earlier gens vs later gens and I wonder if you've ever done a post elaborating on that? Like, how later gens have Pokemon be more characters and such, and how earlier gens they can be more monochrome in color and such? Idk if I'm making sense

There aren't any hard "rules" and each Gen tends to have its own subtle design philosophies and whatnot, but as a general rule here's some Gen 1-specific design things that you don't see as much of later on:

Colors tend to be muted and less saturated overall. Trends towards naturalistic colors, i.e., lots of browns

Often (though not always, see the Dragonair line as one exception) very simple in concept

More naturalistic fur/feathers—compare original Arcanine's fur, which is very fluffy, to Hisuian Arcaine's fur, which is comprised of easy-to-model shapes

Anatomy generally fairly realistic; less emphasis on shapes (as they weren't originally thinking of things like the anime or plushies)

Gen 1 specifically had an entire subgenre of designs based off kaiju that tended to be abstract monsters with a heavily "plated" look. These tend to be some of the earliest designs and mostly disappeared after this gen

Kind of a vague idea of what a Pokemon is. Can it have mechanical cannons? Sure! How about an item it carries? You bet! (Pokemon carrying items decreased drastically after this gen with more thought put into what the item is and how they obtained it)

Lines sometimes less coherent due to different 'mons getting slapped together during production

Less emphasis on making the mons "friend-shaped", for lack of a better term. A lot more designs that are creepy or more monstrous

Tend to be more animalistic without as much emphasis on having pre-defined personalities (like how Gholdengo is a radical surfer dude or how Sobble is always sad)

Lots of triangle eyes along with common 90s anime faces

Not too many finicky details like lots of markings due to sprite limitations

Disconcertingly large amount of head spikes

Many lines either change really drastically during evolution or barely change at all with little in-between

#pokemon #pokemon reviews #kind of I'll count it

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mohntilyet · 1 month ago

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literally cannot remember if this is already a post you made but do u think about if illario was a companion character and lucanis wasnt (maybe still rescued from the ossuary, maybe not). would he even be a viable companion character. etc.

i think i've mentioned it in tags but god yeah i've been thinking about companion illario. through bias and visions i think he could have made a really great companion!!!! i just don’t think we had enough who lie to/betray you in veilguard and i was like illario would love to do this <3 or at least TRY to do this and find that he can’t, because the betrayal-according-to-approval mechanic would return in this concept. this assumes a lot of things that i consider to be canon, including that illario’s a genuinely good assassin (YMMV on this i think. i look upon him with rose tinted glasses) but we’re introduced to illario as the second-best option who accompanied lucanis on various mage-killing quests.

he’s recruited in minrathous and not treviso because he’s been killing venatori like a man crazed. i forget who made the post but the one about how veilguard recruitment quests feel forced because you are recruiting, when stumbling on the right people could have felt more organic and a lot less formulated. he’s been operating in minrathous as the ‘demon of vyrantium’, which he admits to rook that he’s not the original. the original was lucanis, who was captured and killed by the venatori, and in his grief, has been trying to kill the magister (zara) that killed his cousin. he’s actually very nice and fun for an assassin, but players get the feeling that the charm is practiced, and there are glimpses into the “something rotten” under the surface.

what the players also do not know is that his hatred for the venatori is definitely projecting his guilt, because even in this au, illario is the guy who originally betrayed his brother and his complexes (slash pos slash hot slash i often picture him on his knees) remain. anyways. plot breakdown under the cut because its so fucking long and please take with a grain of salt because this was workshopped on a call with fie, who ‘yes and’s everything i say, so it might not be the greatest plot ever. nor very coherent. however, this is my blog and i can say whatever i want

act one recruitment: hunting down and killing zara. there’s foreshadowing here or something where she definitely recognises him and the facial animation leans towards “betrayal”. like zara saying “you?” in a way that can be mistaken for fear, when it’s recognition and betrayal + illario killing her before she can reveal anything else. they find evidence that lucanis is still alive and you see how excited he is, but also very conflicted. illario finally returns to treviso, and you immediately see the favoritism when he informs caterina that lucanis could still be out there. caterina delights in the idea of her favorite weapon back in her possession, and illario swears to bring him back.

in between: there’s a venatori leak! the magisters send some back up to weisshaupt which makes things a lot harder for the veilguard (miniboss before ghil?), and it contributes to failing to strike at ghilanain. but who could it be? everyone is a bit wary of each other, and causes friction.

act two: the ossuary <3 inexplicably, illario has found where lucanis is. the veilguard fights their way in and out, escaping with lucanis and destroying the vial of blood. they also find out lucanis is possessed, and when they return to treviso, after the shock and relief leaves, there’s a gleam in caterina’s eyes. illario is moved up in line of succession because caterina can’t see an abomination becoming talon (canon not discussing that he’s fucking possessed pisses me off so bad btw), and she’s obviously envisioning a world where lucanis’ leash is passed onto the grandson she’d seen as lesser, but has recently proved himself better than she had previously judged. suddenly, illario has everything he’s ever wanted, but not in the way he’s wanted it. he’s never wanted to necessarily be greater than, and doesn’t want to lose him. illario is very uncomfortable about becoming a new caterina to lucanis, but can’t express himself or explain it because he’s deeply repressed and he’s trying to be happy because, isn’t this what he wants?

in between: illario’s acting super weird. a high approval illario is a lot more awkward and doesn’t seem to know what to say, which is a first for him. he’s obviously putting on a brave/pretty face on, and hesitates to say something— but finally just thanks rook for helping him get lucanis back. a low approval illario is actually much happier, smiling and laughing and delighted by the way things have gone, with rook/the player none the wiser about what’s happened. (kind of like… bull’s reaction to the chargers in the dreadnought quest being positive either way, but the repercussions come later)

if you are in a romance, a low approval illario will trigger a sex scene, a high approval illario does the dellamorte branded “lean in for a kiss but he can’t bring himself to actually follow through and leaves rook awkwardly”. the differences in reaction would ideally confuse and interest players :)

act three: hinges on approval rating. illario plotted to trade rook’s life for lucanis’. the venatori at weisshaupt was supposed to be their shot to kill them, but failed to do so, and now they’re forcing him to make good on his deal. there’s a cutscene where the party is led into a trap and a high ranking venatori magister— the one who actually experimented on lucanis (because zara is like a middle man. she wants the blood but isn’t the evil mage scientist who did all the experiments)— shows himself and reveals everything illario has done. he was the one behind lucanis’ initial ‘death’. how the venatori leak was him. illario is desperately trying to keep the venatori’s mouth shut, but the magister is tricking him with magic as he tries harder and harder to keep his cover. a fun, trippy kind of sequence where there are illusions and mindfucky magic as illario stabs at the magister and finds out he’s attacking air, and the party keeps getting attacked with magic that they can’t figure out is real or not until it hits them, in this hall of mirrors type freakshow. it splits into two different paths:

low approval: the deal to save lucanis over rook was made early on, and nothing they have done has made illario think differently. he’s scripted to be more defensive and try to stop the magister from speaking, ignoring the party and thinking only about how he can keep his secrets but failing to. he’s angry that his plans have fallen down around him, and attacks both the party and venatori, determined to keep his failures from reaching anyone else (god forbid it reach caterina). the party are forced to kill him when he turns on them, willing to work with the venatori to keep the power he has before it slips away from him again.

high approval: everything they have done has made illario think differently and he’s spent ages regretting and trying to find a way out of the deal (see: the distress he feels right after becoming first talon, interesting codexes, etc). he’s scripted to defend rook from magic, at cost to himself, physically protecting his friends/rook from the magister and getting in the way of spells. he admits what he’s done and pleads with them to help him, despite having no reason to trust him. after the party fights the magister off together, illario begs for forgiveness, explaining himself, how regret couldn’t make up for what he’s done but he’s still tried to change things, change himself. but how could you ignore the feeling that, as with everything else in his life, that this is another lie? you get the choice to trust him and forgive him, or kill him for betraying the veilguard. i think this can hit harder if he’s romanced and you forgive him. the image of him pleading literally on his knees is about to get me to black out, followed by a rook who gets down on the ground and lowers themselves to his level just to kiss him before pulling them both up onto their feet again…. its like a ‘i fear to stain your hands with blood’ moment <3

completed companion quest: faced with compassion that he’s basically never extended to anyone, illario is inspired. he admits this guilt to lucanis, wanting to make him talon and leave everything behind, and while lucanis initially is obviously both angry and distressed, he later seeks out illario by himself, and their reconciliation happens off screen. i’d love for rook to be there so i could this but i honestly do not think its their place like can we leave the dellamortes to do this by themselves. in private its just a very “you went through hell to get me back. i think i need to give you a chance” + a slow rebuilding of the trust they had. and also lucanis has not even gotten the same outside support system as illario has taken his place and i think it’s good to note that. well. illario is about the most positive his relationships get and the only other person he would potentially have is caterina, who is also a more intense and outwardly scheming in this au. so not to be like “lucanis has no choice” but he kinda has no choice LOL. the point is: lucanis decides to protect him, and says that this betrayal is something they have to keep secret together as long as it safeguards illario, which safeguards himself. like what would the crows think of 1) illario trying to usurp power using an outside source (infighting/betrayal is okay. bringing a third party into crow business is not), 2) illario losing the idgaf war and desperately bringing lucanis back, 3) lucanis being possessed, 4) lucanis forgiving illario despite it all because they’re so codependent they can’t even bring themselves to leave the other. house dellamorte so weak that they can’t snuff out the weakness in each other? oh fucking brother. they can’t let anyone know how dire this situation is, and need to present a united front. also the terrible fact that they love each other deeply remains. mentioned in banter probably? eg:

“So… what do the Crows think?” // “The Crows don’t know.” // “…What? But your brother, and you—“ // “Are keeping it to ourselves. We’ve discussed this. House Dellamorte can’t afford to look divided, not right now.” // “So, what, he just forgave you?! You’re moving on? From trying to kill him?” // “'Forgave' is such a strong word, but maybe someday, yes. And we’re not just family, we’re Antivan Crows. You should know by now that we’re odd like this.”

“Illario. How long do you think you can keep that secret?” // “Considering only us, Lucanis and I know about it, hopefully forever. He insists that no one else has to know. Or should I be afraid that you’re going to go tell on me?” // “No! It’s just… Lucanis doesn’t, I don’t know, want vengeance?” // “Ha! He is the vengeancey one. But no. No, he’s… between the two of us, he’s always been the good one.” // “Lucky you.”

i also picture a lot of post revelations blackwall type banters and maybe something like davrin going “I have to believe you can be better, that you’ve changed. Half the Wardens are like that.” and once again i have to grieve varric because if there’s anyone that would understand lying their ass off and having mixed feelings about their brother, IT’S HIM LOOLLL. i think harding would treat him quite harshly, and neve loses a lot of respect because why would you ever even think about working with the venatori. but there’s a recognition over how he’s changed for the better. i think bellara is the surprise sympathiser, with everything she feels about cyrian. (“For a second, listening to Anaris to be with my brother again was worth it. So… yeah. I get it.” // “You weren’t foolish enough to fall for it. I did.” // “But you’re fixing it, aren’t you?” // “I’m trying.” // “Cyrian tried too. And if I can still forgive him, I can forgive you too.” // “…Thank you.” )

i also think a serious talk about being talon happens, where lucanis doesn't think he should be talon (possessed so his self worth is at an all time low. and also he's always thought illario should be talon anyway) and asks illario to keep the title. which is... weird because suddenly illario realises he doesn't necessarily want to be talon anymore. sure he can, sure he finally has caterina's approval, but he's got a new chance in life and he's not sure he wants to spend his life running an organisation that doesn't even care about him, would betray him first chance they got and remind him of the way he used to be, or see who he is the way the veilguard/lucanis has. his bitterness towards caterina also trumps his envy of lucanis, and the idea of lucanis resenting him as much as he resents caterina is something he'd like to avoid, which is another reason he's uncomfortable with being expected to tug at the leash. indecisive, illario can't quite fully commit himself to the crows, but is nervous about what leaving them would mean.

endgame: he would take lucanis’ place as a magekiller in this ofc, so he’s the guy killing ghil, and (for now….) first talon leading the crows to fight in minrathous (illario: “one of us should probably say something. remind the crows in whose name this fight is to be fought. we are emotional beings after all, and rhetoric is the fuel that feeds the fire—“ viago: “maker’s sake just give your speech”) i’ve also implied romance throughout this ask while not discussing it properly (ask me about it later. i need time to think on the whole romance arc and beats i know it exists but i refuse to give out half baked illario thoughts.) and i think the endgame post-fade prison talk would be very sweet and so intensely genuine/sincere and illario’s half struggling with being this truthful but pushes through because he wants to say “i love you” and really mean it. almost losing rook has put his priorities in order, and rook is at the top of this order, which has made him reevaluate everything else in his life and realise, "i don't think i can live without you. please don't make me". it’s fun for me that lucanis’ romance is a first in many different ways, but for illario it would be the first time experiencing actual romantic feelings for someone that he’s not faking, so you can imagine the damage its wrecking on his crow-psyche. sometime here i think there’d also be a decision where he’d ask to leave the crows and be with rook, tho i also think if given the chance to develop he could actually find something he cares more about than being first talon. genuine affection might kill him, reciprocated affection would probably be the nail in that “fuck the crows actually i just found out i like life outside of treviso” coffin.

but this is kind of leaning towards “illario only leaves the crows if you romance him” which i don’t like the sound of. he should be able to do that without a romantic relationship. i think narratively the best way to end this arc is for illario to leave the crows after having found alternatives to what he believed his life should amount to (as i think lucanis should have in veilguard), but i also don’t exactly know how to end it. i do want house dellamorte to be defunct, like an ‘illario leaves, and so does lucanis’ thing, where even lucanis gets the chance to grow out of believing “death is his calling”. i also like the idea that illario, ever the extrovert, gets real friends and is like “LUCANIS. you gotta fucking experience this” LMFAO. i’m thinking maybe the companion you spend most time with illario in the party after his act 3 quest starts to suggest things, so neve being like “you made a pretty great demon of vyrantium. consider making venatori-killing your full time job, you were good at it, despite all the traitor stuff.” or taash going “you know, you wouldn’t be the first lord of fortune to make mind numbingly stupid mistakes. drop by sometime. you and isabela can bond over it.” and they’re half joking but it makes the cogs in illario’s mind turn where he’s like “whoa. i could just. stay with the people who like me!” and where he goes is mentioned in the epilogue. a romanced illario would potentially just join the faction rook is a part of, tho a de riva would probably be unique in choosing if they want to remain a crow.

HOWEVER. i honestly don’t know if this is in character. fie and i convinced ourselves it was but i’ve had some time to really chew on it and idk if he’d want to give his ambitions up?? if someone has managed to read on this far, feel free to suggest things if you like i am always stumped because i don’t actually want to crows to stop being an assassin house, and there’s ofc no way to really make them ‘softer’ without taking away the bite that makes them interesting to play with. but extricating the dellamorte cousins from this WHILE feeling true to dragon age writing is difficult lol. just let me think. i’ll be back with some results hopefully.

side note: if illario is killed, lucanis takes his place with some difficulty (spite getting in the way, and no relationship building as he would get in canon) especially because despite his incredibly complicated feelings about his cousin trying to kill him, all of his anger is directed at rook for actually killing him. it doesn’t matter if lucanis would/could have never forgiven him, or otherwise, rook has taken that chance of hashing it out with illario from him completely, and lucanis won’t forgive them for it.

anyways the potential endings and first talons:

lucanis defaults into first talon if illario is killed as the only remaining heir, and struggles in this role alone, though the fact he is an abomination helps keep the crows in control for a while #cycles #snakethateatsitsowntail #housedellamorteissocooked

illario can remain first talon if encouraged to stay during the endgame, or if romanced by a rook de riva that also chooses to stay with the crows. depending on how the crow missions were complete, his direction with the crows either hardens/softens the organisation.

teia becomes first talon if illario decides to leave the crows, and rook has made choices that lean towards ‘softening’ the crows, eg. sparing ivenci to humiliate him, helping the crow-venatori loves run away, being kind towards jacobus, etc. the crows gain a reputation for coercion and can once in a while be found targeting, killing or exposing corrupt officials.

viago becomes first talon if illario decides to leave the crows, and rook has made choices that lean towards ‘hardening’ the crows, eg. killing ivenci to humiliate him, turning in the crow-venatori lovers, being harsh with jacobus, etc. the crows gain a reputation for efficient, quick assassinations that tip the scales towards anyone who can pay for their services.

if missions were not complete, the antivan crows’ reputation falls as they get sloppier, unable to recover from their losses and struggling to keep ahold of their power. there’s a reshuffling of talons, but the crows are in such disarray that it takes a decade for them to recover and gain back the effeciency they used to be infamous for.

ANYWAYS. sorry for that it is actually getting away from me and i don’t know how much of this is clear and how much of it is just my wishful thinking. i think there’s enough good things here to publish as an answer tho i’m aware this plot is kind of dollar store zevran LOL. maybe the best way to describe it is that i’ve accidentally combined blackwall, bull, and zevran’s arcs into this. hope this is at least a bit compelling for you anon!!!!!

#illario dellamorte #answered #long post #anonymous #i actually truly am sorry for how long this is. mwah.

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thegnomelord · 1 year ago

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I love your monster au so much. It makes the monsterlover/fucker in me real happy. Sorry just wanted to share my appreciation.

I've been thinking too, how would you feel about writing a underwater sea creature reader? (No pressure but I hope this idea tickles your fancy so I'll infodump my ideas on you) They can live on land and stuff but drag their prospective mate into a deep underwater ravine when they want to mate. Idk how to describe it, like I have an idea in my head of what the creature's traits would be but I can't find a way to put it into words.

I'm going to give it a try though, (excuse the fact it won't make much sense, my thoughts jump around a lot. But I'll try and make it coherent.) Basically, my mind went to underwater dragons. So with most of the traits that you wrote for dragons, like the purring and the tails intertwining (and the sharing of scales). But I was thinking without wings, because you don't need them underwater. But we glow in the dark, because we are deepsea creatures we have adapted to become bioluminescent. Oh and also we have gills and stuff still when we are on land.

Idk if this is confusing or just something you don't want to write but I was hoping for you to include a more sfw part with the mating dance maybe and then then an actual nsfw part (dom top male reader??)

But at the end of the day this is just a suggestion and it's up to you if you want to write it or not. (If you do write it can it be with ghost or gaz?? gaz giving us shiny things but sea related, like shells? and/or ghost struggling through knowing how to court us. Both of them being confused of what to do because we are a new type of dragon that not many people knew existed and our courting traditions are mostly unknown??

Okay this is cool and it tickles my brain of having just this big fucking monster that's gigantic due to deep sea gigantism :D, I also picked Gaz cause I like the sea/sky duality.

CW:NSFW, subbot gaz, domtop Mreader, quick and rough

When you first joined the taskforce, Gaz didn't know what to expect. Your species had been newly discovered, barely any information about you, but something about you put some ancient part of his mind on edge, ants nipping on the sinew of his wings until his body begged to return to the safety of the sky.

First time he met you, you reminded him less of a dragon and more of a Leviathan — something that dwelled where the light didn't reach, far too big than anything should be allowed to be, bright bioluminescent markings shimmering against dark scales to lure prey into crushing jaws filled with sharp crooked teeth, horns like spears to pin down what couldn't fit in your maw, powerful legs built to swim and breach the surface of the water to catch unaware flyers like Gaz just to pull them down into the abyss to be devoured.

He would have been more. . . unsettled by you had you not been so nice.

You towered over him even in your mostly human form, but you were a gentle giant, happy to let him use you as a perch and humming along as he talks, joining in on his and Johnny's pranks and hiding them when Price eventually catches them.

And Gaz doesn't even notice when your presence no longer makes his feathers puff up, the shadow you cast over him now warm and welcoming after all the times you'd been a meat shield for him. He tils his head back to catch sight of your eyes as he leans back, soft feathers rubbing against your clothes, "Hey there big man." Gaz smiled.

You hum, your hand coming to loosely hold his hip, holding the pretty thing close to you. "Hi." You purr, the small biolights along your body flickering in seemingly random patterns, but nothing about them was random to you or your kin, your interest in him painfully obvious.

But to your dismay Gaz doesn't understand, just snorts at your colorful display. "What's got you in a good mood today?" He asks, eyes tracing the dancing lights, that instinctual bird part of his mind liking the sight, and the low rumble of your voice, and just. . . being near you.

You blink, "You," You say simply, your people aren't ones to mince words.

Gaz can feel his body heat up at your declaration, feathers puffing up, but strikes down any thoughts about you before they turn inappropriate and cause him to coo at you. "Fine, keep yer secrets." He huffs and gets out of your hold, wings stretching out to purposely show off his feathers as he walks away, tail feathers flickering.

He can feel your eyes follow after him, hummingbirds pecking at his spine and he doesn't know if he should feel that way. And all you can think of is how you could drag your pretty bird down into the abyss without clipping his wings.

. . .

Gaz watches you lazily swim around the lake near their current base in your real form, "Havin' a nice soak in there Nessie?" He asks as he walks the short pier and sits down, dipping his feet in the water as his wings spread out lazily behind him.

A low rumble leaves you like a distorted whale song, your large form pushing through the water like a submarine cutting through the ice. "Nessie?" You ask as swim over to him, "Who's that?"

"Never mind about that," Kyle grins, his eyes roaming along your large form as the biolights flicker once again in that specific pattern that means nothing to him but everything to you. "You look happy."

You shrug, "It's nice to be back in the water." Without a word you heave yourself out of the water and onto the pier, large hands clutching the wood on either side of him, a deep purr rumbling in your chest at how close he is to you now. "Did you need something?" You ask, biolights flickering seductively.

Kyle swallows drily, eyes going wide as he registers you loom over him, can smell the sea and salt still clinging to your scales, something other than fear buzzing down his spine from how close your dangerous teeth are to him. "Oh, right, uh," He clears his throat to clear the molasses clinging to it, wings spreading out in a way that got his feathers shining in the setting sun as he reached into his pocket.

"I, um. . . I got you this." He said, holding out the seashell he'd found for you. His breath caught in his throat as you looked at it, hoping you liked it; he'd spent hours polishing it until it was shining, the colors vibrant and every single scratch buffed out.

"Thank you," You rumbled and took the seashell into your hand. Your pupils dilated, a very pleased purr rumbling in your chest — oh, he was so thoughtful, such a good mate to bring a rare treat for you.

Kyle felt like a bloody peacock at the way his wings spread out, but he couldn't care less about his posturing when you accepted his gift, his heart fluttering like butterflies in a jar.

Then you ate it.

You ate his gift.

His heart shatters like the seashell between your fangs, wings dropping like a rock, never having expected to be rejected like that. "I- what- why did- if you-" He couldn't even form words to say what he wanted, pressing a hand to his face in an attempt to hide the way his eyes prickled with vestiges of tears.

Unfortunately for him, you notice. "Oh, little bird, what's wrong?" Your voice is soothing, biolights pulsing in a slow and calming way as you gently pry his hand from his face, looking into his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"

Kyle doesn't look you in the eyes, doesn't know what the hell to feel right now, the words spewing out of his mouth before he could control them. "Why would you do that!" He hisses.

You tilt your head. "You gifted it to me." You say like it's supposed to explain everything, reaching up to cup his cheek, your clawed hand cold and wet against his skin. "It was very good." You lean in closer, a deep purr rumbling in your throat, your long tail moving to curl around his leg.

Kyle sucks in a sharp breath as you push you loom over him your hands on either sides of him keeping him in place, feeling himself slowly lay back as you creep over him onto the pier, heart drumming in his chest. "Wh-what?"

You snort, eyes glowing like anglerfish lures, lowering your head down to lick a stripe up his neck, claws raking down his front. "Let me show you my appreciation, yes?"

Kyle shivers at the sensation of your teeth against his throat, body heating up, your scent — of sea and salt and something very very old — invading his nose, an involuntary chirp escaping his chest. "Ah, yeah, sure just-" Kyle yelps as your claws cut through his clothes, wings quivering as they're pressed against the wooden pier behind him.

"Relax little bird," You coo softly, licking around his lips in what counts as a kiss for you when your maw is filled with vicious teeth, tongue trailing down to lick up the drops of his salty sweat. "I'll be gentle."

And gentle you are; softly licking up the blood after your fangs had left marks on his skin, sharp claws holding his trembling hips tenderly as your rough tongue worms inside him, soft purrs and deep rumbles vibrating your tongue against his prostate until he's sobbing, his hands clutching your horns to hold your head closer as his cock leaks a puddle of pre onto his abdomen.

He whines when you continue stretching him with your tongue, "Please, mate, just-" Kyle sucks in a sharp breath as your tongue once again grazes his prostate, thighs clenching around your head. "-just please fuck me already! I can't- I'm not going to-"

Kyle sobs with joy and anguish when you pull your tongue out, the slimy appendage slithering back into your maw and leaving him painfully empty. "Alright, alright," You coo, moving up to drape your body over his, nuzzling your cheek against his as you line your hard cock with his stretched hole. "Relax,"

The tip of your cock breaching his puckered hole has Kyle sucking in a sharp breath, "Easier said than done mate," He chuckles, closing his eyes and just trying to focus on your scent and just you, groaning. Fuck, you're big in all aspects, his body clenching down like a vice before relaxing enough for you to slowly push further, spreading his walls wide until you're fully inside him, your hips resting against his.

"There you go," You purr, letting Kyle adjust as you nibble on his neck, biolights flickering happily when he rocks his hips into yours. "Taking me so well,"

Gaz can feel his body heat up at your words, throwing his head back when you rock your hips, cock hard and heavy inside him, dragging against his walls with every minute movement that has him panting and whining, his legs crossing behind your back to pull your hips closer every time you pull out.

The world escapes your notice, all your attention fully on him as you focus on mating him, pulling needy desperate sounds from Kyle's lips, your large hand gently stroking his leaking dick as your cock rubs against his prostate, your unhurried pace making him cum again and again and again until he's a moaning boneless mess by the time you cum inside him.

#gnome correspondence #trinkets from the hoard #cod mw2 #x reader #male reader #top male reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle gaz garrick x male reader #kyle garrick x male reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #cod smut #cod monster au #cod modern warfare #monster 141 au #monster cod au #cod mwii #cod x male reader

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