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epicene-humanoid · 4 years ago

Note

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times.

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through).

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode.

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ��I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that.

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous.

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

#community #jeff winger #trans jeff winger #GOD i'm gonna make a video essay about it if nobody stops me #yall know that youtube channel AreTheyGay? i want to be that but AreTheyTrans #the videos would just b like... jeff community. neo the matrix. bill and ted bill and ted. audrey little shop of horrors. jo little women.#maybe i should start that youtube channel sjdfklsj #thank you for prompting me to talk about this because i think about it twice a day #i might end up reblogging this and just adding different responses jeff has had to casually homophobic/transphobic things that happen #in the show #like the episode that last photo is from when the dean is like #'spring transfer student dance isn't rolling off the tongue so we're calling it The Tr@nny Dance!' 'much more greendale.'#OH AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING PIERCE'S DAD!!! HOW DID I NOT MENTION THAT EARLIER SJFKLSJ #'you LITERALLY killed a father!' 'well not MINE dummy!!'#alright i need to do my homework now ajfklsdjfl

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lillian-nator · 4 years ago

Text

Ranch AU

Or, as we all call it, The Cowboy AU

Essentially, this was something that I created, and it’s gonna be purely fluffy, with a small bit of angst here and there. Any of the angst will be hurt/comfort. It’s meant to make us all feel better after those fucking harsh lore streams. I started it, based off of some shit in the Dad!Schlatt AU, and after that I honestly didn’t write most of it. It had really been a project in the discord, because we were all sad and shit, so if you have some fluff to offer, please do! I am happy to make almost anything canon - and we could always use more ideas. :)

I hope you enjoy some mindless farm boi fluff!

BASIC INFO:

It's SBI's Ranch (Phil is Dadza, Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur are his sons)

Phil, sells to the local stores, and manages the crops. He doesn't do too much labor anymore. He hired his boys for that.

Dream, SapNap, Purpled, Tubbo, Callahan, and Punz are all hired farm hands

George, Niki, Ranboo, and Fundy work at the shop where they sell their products; Niki makes all of the dairy products, Fundy and Ranboo stock, label prices, and keeps track of sales, and George works customer service with his Gogy magic.

Wilbur works with the sheep, the goats, and he trains the dogs (Collies - they herd sheep), he also works with the crops a lot

Schlatt isn't hired but he might as well be. He can be found wherever Wilbur is, and is probably drinking a beer he stole from Phil. He doesn't get paid, but he eats all of their food.

Tommy works with the cows, the pigs, the chickens, the horses (sometimes), his goose, and the dogs / cats that they own

Tubbo works with Tommy. Essentially. But he also works on the crops, and the bee farm that they have set up.

Techno works with the horses, and is currently training to be a veterinarian.

Dream works on horses with Techno - they race the horses competitively - but otherwise, is where ever he is needed (usually crops)

Purpled works with Tommy and Tubbo. He mostly works with Tubbo on crops and his bee farm.

Punz and SapNap haul things. As your resident Chads, they are in-charge of moving heavy things and doing manual labor.

Callahan is their repair man. He fixes tractors, and machines on a daily basis.

SOME HEADCANNONS:

HENRY, a saga:

that henry has a matching bandana to the one Tommy has so that everyone knows thats henry. Tommy doesn't like it when people touch henry so henry gets a bandana - Shark -

when Phil first started raising Tommy, he would've never guessed that he would turn out the way he did.

He was loud, and brash, and hit his brothers, and made fun of the neighbor's kids, but then Tubbo became Tommy's best friend, and then Phil introduced Tommy to the cows.

The cows are Tommy's everything.

When a Bred Heifer is due, he sits with them everyday past their due date - he sat with Betty for 5 days when she wouldn't birth a calf. He was so fucking worried.

When one of his cows are sick, he sleeps in the barn until they get better. His last days with Harvey fucked him up.

Tubbo, Tommy, Purpled, and Ranboo spend long nights at the farm, and Tommy always leans against Henry as he stares up at the stars.

Henry who his best girl (all cows are girls and Tommy doesn't give a shit about gendered names). Henry who wears a matching bandana. Henry who is fluffy, and warm, and Tommy's everything. -

Sometimes when Tommy had a bad day, whether it’s stress, or school, or just whatever, Tommy sleeps in the Henry’s stall with her. Phil has so many pictures of Tommy curled up with Henry. From when she was first born to now. - Eye

Tommy hates winter because that’s the one time of year Phil won’t let him sleep in the barn. Even with the layers and heat lamps it’s too unsafe. Tommy always gets up extra early in the winter. Both because he has to check and break ice in the water troughs but also because he misses his girl - Eye -

Henry's mother, Betty, was the first Cow Tommy had helped during birth. He sat with her for 5 days when she hadn't gone into labor past her due date. It took 9 hours for Henry to be born, and Tommy was there through the entire thing -

Well, almost the entire thing. He was at school for the first hour of labor, and was so pissed at Phil when Phil knew and didn't immediately come get Tommy from School.

It always felt like Tommy and Henry had a special bond because Tommy literally raised Henry from birth. -

They didn't think Henry was gonna make it when she was first born, but Tommy was fucking determined, and bottle fed that cow every single day and night. When she was slowly weened off milk, Tommy got unironically sad that he didn't have to bottle feed her anymore.

He still visited her every morning, and milked her mother at dawn, right after he got eggs from his hens. -

Henry waits for Tommy at the end of their long ass drive way when he gets home from school. She knows that when the bus pulls up that her boy is back and so she’s always there waiting lazily for pets and a nice walk together back to the house. Even when it’s cold and someone is waiting for the kids to get home in an ATV or something Tommy always walks back to the house with Henry - Eye

Thinking about how long these fucking country roads are. And how Tommy and Tubbo have the same bus stop even though Tubbo and Tommy's houses are a couple of miles away. Tommy has to walk a mile to get to the beginning of his driveway, and seeing his favorite girl there is like a reward at the end of a journey. Tommy probably keeps a bag of feed in his backpack, which is just a mixture of grain, hay and corn, and gives Henry a handful to thank her for waiting for him.

Clementine, The Goose:

Tommy has a goose, and names it Clementine.

He found her in the woods one day, when she was very young, and he decided he was going to keep Clementine.

Clementine is only ever nice to Schlatt and Tommy. No one knows why.

Clementine follows Tommy around. Very endearing.

Phil doesn’t question it at this point

NEW MILO, the sequel:

OG Milo is a kitten that Wilbur found on the side of the road, in the rain, and he took the kitten in, trying to save him. Wilbur immediately got attached.

Techno pulled an all nighter, half spent trying to save OG Milo and the other half comforting Wilbur. "You couldn't have helped, he was too starved and out in the rain for too long." Phil adds that if Techno can't save something, it can't be saved. - Ethan

Wilbur's next cat was named New Milo in honor - Ethan

Anyway, New Milo has three kittens. Blood God, Boots (given to Fundy), and Bumbles (given to Tubbo). They're called the Bees and they were born Christmas Eve - Ethan

BLOOD GOD, the pussy:

Blood God is Techno's cat. Its just a ferall little molly that loves techno too much. - M -

After Techno helped New Milo have her litter, he wasn't originally gonna keep any of the kittens, but he saw this tiny thing with the orange muzzle and just: stole her.

He is also nicknamed Blood God, for both his skill in hunting and healing

He originally named her Piglet because the orange spot looked like a pig snout [the main reason he chose her and not her stronger littermates] but called her Blood God teasingly when he first adopted her

Wilbur didn't realize he meant it as a nickname and told everyone her name was Blood God

Techno still calls her Piglet, but everyone else calls her Blood God because that's the name on her collar.

Most of their cats aren't collared, but Phil made her a custom collar because he was worried she'd get lost hunting with Techno and Dream - Ethan -

Blood God is such a batshit cat. She's a runt, really, oddly small compared to her siblings, and she's their best mouser

She's the cat that everyone leaves scraps for, but never tries to pet out of fear

Often she'll climb up people's legs and sit on their shoulders, and it's the only time you can pet her.

She is very, very affectionate with Techno and he loves her very much. He has her very well trained, and she comes with him and Dream when they go hunting sometimes alongside a terrier.

She's a little itty bitty calico molly and she has an orange patch right over her muzzle - Ethan

TOMMY'S HENS, the chicks:

He gets real defensive of his hens. They lay eggs for him. They deserve to be treated well. -

Tommy does in fact have an egg incubator; Sometimes it's just better. Tommy prefers letting his hens care for their own eggs, but he does still use the incubator - Ethan -

Some chickens enjoy being thrown so they can flap and shit. A few days after passing ownership of the hens to Tommy, Phil is going down to the crops and just sees Tommy chucking his hens and watching them rush back to be thrown again

he feels a hint of "what the hell" but he notes the gentleness tommy does it with and how the chickens seem to be enjoying it and he shrugs and keeps walking - Ethan -

Once Wilbur was helping Tommy with the chickens and he dropped an egg

Unfertilized, of course, but Tommy looked like you'd just punted a toddler

Three years later, Wilbur isn't allowed to touch the eggs anymore

Tommy's paranoid he'll hurt a live one

"Get out." "What - Tommy it was an accident, it was just one egg." "If you aren't gonna treat Phoebe's eggs with care; You can get the fuck out." "Tommy -" "Out." -

the quality chicken eggs depends usually on how the chicken feels. While under his care, the eggs the chickens produced were really good.

Under Tommy's care? Phil's eggs tasted like horseshit in comparison - Ethan -

They have their like, main barn and to the side of it is a little pond. The chicken coops are a little beside it, with the singular duck coop (he only has four ducks) closest. He calls the area the Business Bay

AGES:

Tommy - 16 Tubbo - 16 Purpled - 17 Ranboo - 17

Techno - 19 Wilbur - 21 Schlatt - 19 Phil - idk like 45 or some dad shit

Fundy - 18 Niki - 19

SapNap - 18 Dream - 19 George - 20 Punz - 19 Callahan - 20

RANDOM HC’S:

Tubbo, Niki, Ranboo, and Fundy are siblings. -

Whenever they eat meat they talk about who they're eating.

They tell stories about their day and such but they always start dinner, when its meat, saying "rip lmao" and telling stories about them

...they don’t do it when they eat beef

Everyone sitting down with their plates of ham Wilbur: so who was it? Phil: Fern Tommy, already eating: rest in peace fern Techno: he shat on my boots once -

Each of the boys get a few animals that aren't allowed to be butchered.

Wilbur has Friend, Enemy, and Skit the Bull. (Wilbur wanted to name a Bull "Shit", but Phil said no because Tommy was 11 and already swearing too much for his liking)

Techno has none of the livestock. He only cares about Blood God, and his horses.

Tommy has a pig [currently unnamed], his Hens (6 or 7 of them, that lay eggs), and his dairy cows -

Phil is ALWAYS chewing on straw. -

Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur all call Phil "Pops" or "Pop". They all used to call him "Papa" though. It's like a coming of age thing for the three of them, when they stop calling him "Papa" and start calling him "Pop".

Phil may or may not have cried when Tommy started calling him "Pop" at the age of 12.

ALTHOUGH, all 3 boys know that if you want anything, you call Phil "Papa". Phil can't resist it. -

Techno and Tommy with starry eyes: pops Phil: no Wilbur: Papa Phil, with slightly less confidence: n-no - Ethan -

Tommy holding a baby calf in his hands that he walls to bring inside for the night because hes in love with her: papa please!! Phil, practically in tears: fine. - M

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httphonsool · 4 years ago

Text

Heather

synopsis; you’ve always been the last, the last to be chosen, the last to be remembered, the last. And it doesn’t help that you’re Heather’s best friend either. but maybe, your unfortunate fate can be changed.

word count; 5,957

time taken; eesh, let’s not talk about it.

warnings; angst, heartbreak, feeling inferior, insecurities, bullying (?? if you squint)

notes; hi! i’m back for the time being, i mean not really, but enjoy this for the next three months i guess, i’m joking, i think i might just get back into writing but updates will be fairly slow, and i’m not just doing bts oneshots/series anymore, i’m currently only doing bnha for anime buttt maybe it’ll expand. also, yes, this is inspired by ‘Heather’ by Conan Gray, listen to it whilst you read, you may just cry.

There’s always that one girl. The one nobody can hate, the one that everyone swoons for, the one that’s always right, the one no one can be mad at. Unfortunately for you, you are not that girl, but you are her best friend. Yes you heard right, you were the best friend of the Heather in your school, also known as Yaoyorozu Momo.

See, you don’t hate Yaoyorozu, no, no, that’s definitely nowhere near the case, you just hate that everyone views her as some perfect princess that makes no mistakes, in fact it’s not even that, it’s that you’re just seen as her best friend, the girl that’s just there, the one that’s always there, you know the face but never the name. The second choice. The last choice.

It doesn’t help that Momo is your only friend, and that you’ve always felt inferior to her, it’s not exactly the healthiest relationship, but it’s your only choice, there’s not really anyone else. You’re just not taken seriously, it’s always Momo this and Momo that, she’s the only one who really wants to talk to you. And you hate the world for that.

It’s even more difficult as the days go by, a wave of insecurities, depression, and your childhood trauma finally catching up to you, you can’t even bring yourself to lift your head up during class, and the boy sitting to your right seems to notice.

“___? Why do you look like a deflated whale?” you hear a voice from your right, you look up to see a blur of red and white hair and heterochromatic eyes through your tears. Let’s ignore the fact that you are definitely not okay, how does the son of one of the most famous heroes in the world, Todoroki Shoto, know your name when nobody else can bother to learn it(excluding Momo, of course).

“You-you know my name?”

“I mean…I’ve been sitting next to you since the first day…it’s not that hard to remember.”

“Right.” You wipe away the streaks of tears.

“So…do you want to complain…isn’t that what people usually do when they’re sad?”

“I’m fine,” you tell him.

“You don’t look fine.” He says bluntly.

“And? Why does it matter?” Truth be told you love the attention you’re getting, you just want to keep the conversation going, even if it’s short.

“If you don’t want to tell me then don’t.” Well, ouch, but to be honest, you were asking for it.

“Okay.”

“Well fuck you, then.”

And you can’t deny how your heart flutters at the sight of the small smirk that’s planted on his face.

And so it began, a slow building friendship, one of those kinds of friendships you see on TV, it was just six pure months of happiness, a true friendship, and you don’t mind admitting that it feels nice to have a friend that isn’t Momo, it makes you feel somewhat better, and he makes you feel somewhat better. It’s nice to not feel insecure every time you’re near a friend; it’s nice to just hang out with him, even if he’s being blunt and a little straightforward, but that’s just how he is and it doesn’t make you love him any less. Except this bond you shared wasn’t just between the two of you, unfortunately Momo decided to come in. It struck your nerves just a little bit, it was almost like she couldn’t let you have anything for your own, but you know that’s not how Momo intended it to be, it just happened, and you couldn’t hate it more. You could tell how Shoto felt towards Momo, doing things for her he wouldn’t even do for you, dropping everything to take care of her, and it didn’t help your case because before you knew it, you were free-falling deep into the rabbit hole labelled ‘Todoroki Shoto’ and he was too; except the rabbit hole was not named after you.

You don’t blame him for being in love with Momo, you don’t. In fact, you can see exactly why he would, she’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s always right, and at this point you’re one-hundred percent sure she’s probably never wronged anyone, not a single sin on her list. It just sucks because, for once, you just wanted something for yourself, but now you can’t even have that.

You’re not quite sure how it happened, if you’re honest, one moment you were trying to get rid of him because he continuously tried to check up on you, and the next, you finally made him laugh for the first time, and you felt hope, so you continued to talk to him, and next thing you know it you were best friends, and then Momo decided to talk to him. And that’s when your special few months were over; Momo was back to claim what was hers, without even knowing it.

It’s a dark Friday night when Momo finally tells you exactly what you didn’t want to hear, you’re sitting behind Momo, braiding her hair, being careful not to pull her hair down.

“___? Ow- eesh, ____, be careful, it hurts a little,” she groans.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I’m not used to doing other people’s hair, plus yours is so long!”

“Yours is longer! Anyway, I wanted to tell you something…” your heart stops, time freezes, everything freezes…please no, please…

“I think…I think I…” no, no, please no, “I think I like Todoroki Shoto, no- I think I really like him.”

“Oh.” It’s all you can come up with, your eyes welling up, holding back tears…why, why, why. But like the good best friend you are, you can’t lie to her. “I think he likes you, too. You should confess.” You tell her.

God damn it. You’re so tired of this, you’re so sick of being second best, you’re sick of it never being you, but it’s different this time, you can feel it in the air. Usually Momo rejects everyone, girl or boy, she always says no…but the one time you like a guy…it just happens to be the guy you’re in love with that she decides to reciprocate feelings towards. And maybe you’re just finally done with it.

But you know, like always, it’s not Momo’s fault, not even Shoto’s, if you blame anyone, it’s you because you’re absolutely useless.

“Really? But I can’t…I don’t think he does…I mean…he always seems to love being around you. Is it possible you could…maybe talk to him for me?” You’re trying so hard to not have a mental breakdown, and it only gets harder…’I mean he always seems to love being around you’…is she serious? Is she blind? But you know you’ll still talk to him for her, like you would even if you didn’t love him.

But all of this reminded you, Yaoyorozu was truly Heather. And you were barely even on the list of choices at this point.

“We need to talk.”

Shoto looks up, noodles shoved in his mouth, an adorably clueless look on his face- and it takes you every fibre of your being not to shamelessly coo at him. He swallows down the noodles, taking a big gulp of water before looking up at you once more, “What about?”

“Your crush on Momo.” He freezes, a blush covering his cheek, clearly, you hit a nerve.

“Do we have to?”

“Yes. I think it’s time you confess.”

“…You’re right. But how do we...? I don’t really know how…to confess.”

“There’s no we in this, it’s all you.”

“You know, I’d appreciate it very much if you helped me a little.” You want to say no. You want to say no, and you’re going to, but…it’s Todoroki Shoto…the guy you’ve liked for way too long…

“Okay, fine, we’ll plan it over the next two weeks; it has to be perfect for Momo, she deserves only the best.” Yeah, no, you’ll always just be stuck as Heather’s best friend.

“Okay.”

“Meet me after school, at my dorm.”

You’re not sure if this will even work but it’s the best you’ve got. And what’s your plan, you ask? Movies. Romance movies, cringey chick flicks, everything there is related to romance that Shoto could possibly take note of.

And surely, as you knew, he shows up, a notebook in hand, and the most deadpan look on his face.

“So…what are we doing.”

“Films, Shoto, romance films, you get the idea, every time you see a romantic confession, you write down things, like how they might be describing their feelings…you know…that stuff.” Why are you doing this again? Oh right, because you’re weak, and because you just want to see your best friends happy with each other.

“Oh…okay.” He sits down on your bed, rolling over onto his stomach in front of your laptop.

“We’re starting with titanic.”

“But isn’t that a sad movie?”

“Well maybe I want to cry,” You state bluntly.

“Oh.”

You’re about halfway through the Titanic, when your phone starts ringing. It’s Momo. Both you and Todoroki tense up. You pause the film to accept her call.

“Momo?”

“___? I didn’t see you all day so I decided I should check up on you, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m just with Shoto…” beside you, Shoto relaxes, muscles going from tense to relaxed within seconds just at the sound of Momo’s voice. Your heart constricts once more.

“Oh…um…have fun? We’re still hanging out again tomorrow night, right?” She asks, her voice hopeful. But for some reason that makes you want to curl up and bawl your eyes out.

“Oh, um, I may have to cancel…” you can’t, you can’t deal with her.

“Oh, that’s okay, day after tomorrow?”

“I’ll see.” And with that you end the call, letting the tears in your eyes flow freely, sobs wracking your body.

“___? ___! What’s wrong?”

“What do you do when you’re in love with a boy…who’s in love with your best friend? Shoto, I can’t live like this anymore, I’m always second best, everyone loves her, and the one time I seem to like a guy, he likes her, it’s just so frustrating.” You can’t seem to breathe properly, your lungs seem to be constricted, blocking your ability to breathe, you feel so disgusted with yourself it’s not even funny.

“Well…if he doesn’t like you he’s obviously not worth the effort.” Shoto says monotonously, placing his left hand on your back and rubbing slowly, affectionately, it’s the most he’s ever touched you.

You scream out of frustration, why does nobody understand!? “it’s not just about the damn boy,” you pause trying to gain stability, “it’s everything, it’s always Momo this, Momo that, I’m tired, Todoroki,” he lifts his hand slightly, the unfamiliar sound of his last name leaving your mouth, “I just want someone to want me, I want someone to care for me, it’s not fair I always have to share everything. Half our class barely even knows my name, I’m never chosen to be on any teams, you and Momo are my only friends, and I don’t know what to do at this point because I want someone to choose me for once.”

“I want you. I chose you.” He tries to soothe you, continuing to rub his hand over your back.

“It’s not the same.”

“Why?”

“Because you like her better.”

And for the rest of the evening you both watch the movies in silence.

The next time you and Todoroki meet, Uraraka and Midoriya join you.

And Todoroki Shoto is late. For the first time in your eight month long friendship, he’s late.

“Where were you, Shoto?” You ask him as soon as you see him.

“I was giving Momo my sweater, it was getting cold, didn’t want her to freeze.” He mumbles, and there’s your daily reminder that you and Todoroki are just not going to happen.

“Mm, a sweater,” you attempt to joke, and Uraraka giggles.

“It’s just polyester.” He replies.

“Damn, she really has you mesmerised, doesn’t she?” you giggle as you turn away.

“So…what’s the plan?” Midoriya asks.

“We’re trying to help get Shoto to confess.” You tell him.

“Please don’t mention this meeting ever again.” Todoroki says.

“Hmm, I’d say describe your feelings? Like when I confessed to Izuku, I told him things I liked about him? Like how his hair reminds me of a broccoli,” Uraraka says, squishing Midoriya’s cheeks.

“I still don’t understand that, but anyway…s-sorry I forgot your name, what was it?” Midoriya asks.

A pang of hurt hits you, damn, you were right…you’re not even second best, your just nothing.

“___.” You tell him, and slowly but surely Shoto’s hand wraps around yours, tightening and squeezing in reassurance.

“Sorry, I’m not that great with names, ___, but I was thinking…how romantic does it have to be? Because knowing Todoroki…yeah…you get what I mean. I mean, I’m sorry Todoroki, you’re a great dude but I rarely even see you smile.” Midoriya says.

“Shut up.” And you almost laugh, because that’s your Shoto…but then you realise; he’s not your Shoto.

“Okay but anyway, you don’t want it to be too romantic, but you want it to be genuine, you know? Like…how about…you…name some things about some guy you like? Maybe it’ll help him?” You sigh as you realise Uraraka has forgotten your name, and it takes everything to not start bawling when Shoto’s hand squeezes yours again.

“Um, well, I like his eyes, they’re so pretty, like a contrast between the ocean on a sunny day, and a stormy day, he’s much taller than me, it makes me feel tiny and small every time he looks down at me, not to mention how he was one of the only people, excluding Momo, to notice me and care about me, his hair always covers his eyes but it never seems to bother him for some reason, and he’s really oblivious about how I feel too…” You trail off, focussing on how not to make it obvious you’re in love with Todoroki, but when Shoto’s hand falls out of yours so effortlessly, you immediately stop talking.

The entire table is in absolute silence.

“Wow…you…really, really like this guy…” Uraraka says, but the expression on her and Midoriya’s face tells you they’ve already figured you out, and the unfortunately concerned look in her eyes tells you it’s hopeless.

“But, er…” Midoriya trails off, trying to remember your name, and you want to scream.

“___. Her name is ___, it’s not that hard to remember.” Shoto grits his teeth.

Something tells you they’ll both be remembering your name for a while now.

But even as you move on onto other topics, you can’t help but shake the feeling that you’re being watched, and as you turn around you see a blonde boy with bright hazel eyes staring at you.

The rest of the night continues as it did before, changing from talking about the confession to talking about…normal things, you suppose, and you’re about to leave with Shoto, just as someone taps you on the shoulder.

You turn around to see a boy around your age, dyed blonde hair with curtains and hazel eyes that shine brighter than the sun, the same one from earlier.

“Hey…___, right? We’re in the same Math class.” He knows your name, he knows your name.

“Yeah, that’s me.” You tell him, a hopefully look on your eyes.

“I was wondering…are you…single?” He asks.

“Unfortunately so.” You blush.

“Oh, thank god, so would you…ever consider going on a date with me? I mean I know we don’t know each other or anything…but…”

“I don’t even know your name,” you tease him, his cheeks burning bright red.

“My name is Akio,” He tells you pushing a hand forward for you to shake, “so will you go on a date with me?”

You’re not done with Shoto, and of course, it’s probably not going to happen any time soon, but this boy seems to be nice, somewhat. This could be your chance to start anew, change the fact that you’re never someone’s first choice; you could finally get rid of the dead weight you’re holding on. You look around the table, at Uraraka and Shoto specifically, and while Shoto really couldn’t seem to care less about the situation at hand (which is what you insinuate from the expression on his face) Uraraka seems so pleasantly surprised and just one look at her expression gives you the comfort of knowing you should say yes.

“Okay,”

“Is tomorrow okay? Here? After school?”

“Yes, that’s fine!”

“Yeah, okay, let’s go, ___,” you hear Shoto grunt, pulling you out of the restaurant.

“Was that the guy you were talking about? I didn’t know he was so…”

You’re not quite sure what to say…so you just agree.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s him…I guess he does like me after all.”

“I’ll be honest…I was really hoping he didn’t like you.”

“You want him to like Momo instead, then?” You don’t understand…why couldn’t he be happy for you?

“No, but I don’t think he’s the kind of person you’d want to date.”

You walk the rest of the way back to your dorm in silence.

So surely, you show up the next day, after school, same place, you even dressed up for today, quickly changing into a short dress, letting your hair down and even applying lipstick and mascara for the sake of looking presentable.

You stand outside of the restaurant for ten minutes, he doesn’t seem to be coming any time soon so you decide to go inside, expecting to see him sitting at a table, but when you realise he isn’t here yet, you head inside to grab a table and wait for a while.

Ten minutes pass, Akio doesn’t show up, you assume he got held behind.

Ten minutes turn into twenty, twenty turn into forty, and forty turns into a whole hour and a whole hour turns into two hours and you’re starting to get sympathetic looks from the people around you, even the workers gave you sympathy and gave you a free meal.

And as you eat your burger and fries, you realise Akio was never even planning on showing up.

And you know now that maybe you should have trusted Shoto’s judgement.

The next day, you’re barely strong enough to get yourself up to go to school, and when you do…well you wish you had given in and just stayed in your dorm.

The door to your classroom bursts open, everyone expecting your teacher walk through but instead seeing a group of boys that you’ve seen amongst the school halls, and amongst the group you notice the blond head that stood you up yesterday, and your head immediately goes to Shoto’s seat, only to see he wasn’t here yet, and again to Momo’s seat, but as soon as Momo saw you, she looked away, face flushing a light pink colour.

“Ah, dear, ___,” Akio smirks, snickering along with his group of friends, “Did you really think anyone would actually want to go on a date with you?”

Truth is, you should’ve known, and you want to say something to Akio, you do, but you don’t, you can’t because he’s right.

“You’re honestly a disgrace; you really went to the same place after school thinking I’d be there for our date…what a bloody fool.” He cackles.

You don’t really want to hear this, all it’s doing is make you want to face the truth…and truth is you’re not ready for that…everyone in the classroom is quiet…even the exploding ball of anger, Bakugo, is quiet, and all you can do is wish that Shoto was here, but what would he do? Scare them off? Exactly. You’re on your own.

And what infuriates you the most is that even your best friend since childhood, Momo, of all people isn’t saying anything, everyone’s just watching it happen, watching the events unfold in absolute silence.

But you can’t hold it in anymore, and the sobs start racking your body.

“Aw, that’s cute…she’s crying.” And they just laugh more, and that’s when you decide to leave, just when Todoroki steps into the room, and all you can hear is Uraraka and Midoriya’s voices calling for you.

“___?” You hear Uraraka’s sweet voice call out.

You try and hold in your sobs in the echoing toilet stand, not wanting to be found just yet.

“Can you let me in please? I just want to talk?”

You open the door to the stall, letting Uraraka in.

“I’m sorry, ___, I didn’t know he would stand you up, I genuinely thought he was interested in you, I wouldn’t have encouraged it if I didn’t think he was-”

“It’s okay, Uraraka.” She starts stroking your hair, something you haven’t had done to you in ages, and tears start leaking again, “Besides, Todoroki and Midoriya took care of them, you know,” she giggles.

“Really?” You ask.

“Yeah, they took care of them, don’t worry…Look, I know, it’s difficult with…Momo and Todoroki…and I know how you feel, but he really does care you know? I can tell, I’m not sure whether it’s friendly or…more…but he does care as much as he might seem like he doesn’t…he’s just not good with feelings…I mean…do you remember how he described his feelings for Momo?” She starts giggling, and for a brief moment, you laugh too.

“’her hair reminds me of a spider web….it’s just so big…and it like never breaks…’” you laugh.

“’she reminds me of a very old tree…wise and somewhat tall’” Uraraka laughs.

“He does care you know…he wasn’t happy when he saw Akio, and he wasn’t…exactly nice either, Akio’s recovering in the medical room now…” oh.

You’re not quite sure what’s going on with Shoto at the moment, but when you figure it out, maybe you’ll finally be at peace with yourself, even if it’s only for a moment.

The next time you see Todoroki Shoto, he’s climbing through your window, and you barely heard the noise he was making due to you blasting Heather- by Conan Gray, crying out your heart.

“Shoto, what the hell?” You say, wiping your tears away.

“You weren’t answering your door so I decided to…” he points at the window.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” You says.

“’s okay,” he says, “anyway, we haven’t really talked about the confession lately, so I came here.”

“Oh, oh, right, should we continue with some movies? Or maybe practice it on me? Your choice, you’re the one confessing.”

“I just want to watch movies, I think.” You expected it.

“Do you have your notebook? Or your pen?”

“No.” You don’t ask why as you both continue to watch from where you last left off.

You both end up sleeping in your bed and running late for class that night, but (unbeknownst to you) in his eyes, it was worth it.

When you next meet Shoto, you’re with Momo, awkward tension filled in the air around you, and you don’t know what it is, but it’s almost worse than it was before you started discussing Shoto’s confession.

“So…It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together…what’s new?” You ask, trying to ease the tension.

“What’s new is that you don’t seem to be acting like a best friend anymore.”

What?

“Momo, what do you mean?” You ask

“Best friends don’t date each other’s crushes.” Is she joking?

“I’m not…what?” You’re confused to the max right now, and Todoroki seems to not be able to say anything either.

“Forget it. I’m leaving.” Well, okay, then.

“I’m sorry, ___, I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” Before getting up and leaving as well.

And well, you’ve decided maybe going through all this effort to make sure Momo and Todoroki happy is just not worth it if it puts you at stake.

When you meet Todoroki next after the incident, it’s by the sea shore, you’re both sitting in the sand, a small wave coming by to touch your toes every few seconds. He’s shirtless, just wearing swimming trunks, and you’re in a black swimsuit, wearing Shoto’s shirt over it (it’s way too big for you but you’ll wear it because it’s his anyway).

“So tomorrow’s the day you finally tell her, huh,” you want to be happy for him…but you can’t.

“Yeah…something like that…” he sighs.

“I think you’ll be okay.” You tell him, “Just go with what you feel, even if it’s not perfect, at least it’s genuine.”

“Right.” Slowly, a smirk forms on Shoto’s face, his hand slowly reaching towards the water and splashing water all over you. Ah, so he wants war.

You splash water straight back at him, and he you, and it continues like this for a while until you both finally stop, giggles leaving your mouth and it makes you realise exactly why you love him.

You stare at him, eyes flickering down to his lips, and you just know…you need to know what it feels like to be loved by Shoto, even if it’s for a second, because after tomorrow, all hope would be lost for you.

Please don’t hate me, please don’t hate me, please don’t hate me, it’s all that’s ringing through your head as you push your lips against his, his hand coming up to grab your jaw, gently caressing your jaw line.

He’s kissing you back! He’s kissing you back! He’s…kissing you back…?

Surprisingly, he keeps it going, making the kiss deeper and deeper, and one kiss turns to two, two to three, and then finally you pull away, guilt coating your insides.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him.

“What was that for?” He asks

“Me. It was for me.” You pause, “What was that for?”

“Me. It was for me.”

Today’s the day, and the weather seems to really match your personality, it’s been raining since last night, and you don’t think it’s going to stop any time soon by the looks of it, but it’s okay…it’s not like you have school today anyway, and you’d rather stay at home today than run into Todoroki and Momo during their date, or worse; seeing them do some cute romantic couple-y shit.

You’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re probably never going to be a first choice, but it’s not that big of a deal, you had your moment with Shoto, and that’s all you really want for the time being, you’re satisfied.

Hours pass, you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed, instead just sitting up and reading a book, crying your eyes out as Rue dies in the Hunger Games.

You’re just reading the end of the book when you get a text from Shoto.

Hello, can you let me in?

You’re reluctant at first, assuming he just wants to tell you about Momo, but you begrudgingly lift yourself off your bed to open the door, not caring that you look like you have a hangover.

“Hi.” His gray and turquoise eyes stare down at you, your heart constricting and throat tightening at just his stare.

“Hi. How’d it go? Did you steal her heart?” You attempt to joke.

“…No, I think I broke it…” what? “Sit down, ___.” You take three long strides to sit down on your bed, pulling him along with you.

“What happened? I thought you wanted this?”

“I had to tell her the truth.”

“And what’s that?”

“That I don’t love her.”

“So I wasted two weeks on preparing you for this…for nothing?” You ask, you’ll never tell him, but you’re a little glad he broke her heart.

“Not for nothing…yesterday…when we…”

“Oh. Did I confuse you? Because you don’t need to worry about that, I know I should have asked, but I just wanted to know…what it felt like to be loved by you…”

“No, it’s okay, I enjoyed it, I mean obviously, I mean I was the one to continue it, and I mean I knew I wasn’t in love with Momo the first night when we were watching movies, but yesterday, I just knew I couldn’t go through with it,” your heart is beating violently in your chest, almost as if it’s threatening to jump out, “When you were telling me about how you were in love with a boy that loved Momo, it made me…it just irked me the wrong way, I don’t know why but I just knew that if I really loved Momo, it wouldn’t make me feel the way I did. And then at the restaurant…well you get it.”

“Shoto, what are you trying to tell me?” You breathe heavily, trying to control the breathing in your chest.

“I love you, no, I’m in love with you, I love Momo…but it’s nothing compared to how I feel towards you, and I think, even if you don’t return my feelings, I’m okay with that, because I don’t think I’ll be able to get rid of these feelings any time soon if not at all.”

“Well, I mean at least we know that my lessons worked on you,” you nervously laugh, he lets out a smile.

“So…do you?”

“I think…I love you, no, I’m in love with you,” you tease, squishing his cheeks as he laughs, “but you know…I heard you dealt with Akio.” Shoto stays quiet, a mild blush covering his cheeks. “You know, at first I thought it was a joke, but then I saw the bandages all the way up his arm in the hallways, and the broken leg…Shoto, what did you do?”

“It was Midoriya’s idea.”

“Mm, Midoriya barely talks to his girlfriend without stuttering, you really think he can break someone’s leg without being in a high-pressure situation?”

“He had it coming.”

“Do you even know what he did?”

“No, but from what I saw…he deserved it.”

“Shoto.”

“Mm?”

“Thank you for doing..what you did, even if I don’t like that you were violent.”

“…And I’d do it again.”

“Shoto-.”

You didn’t want to have to do this, but you think that the two of you deserve to talk it out.

You and Momo haven’t talked in three weeks, three weeks since you and Shoto became…well you don’t know what you are but it’s much closer than best friends at least, there’s no official label to it, but you’re content at the moment.

“Momo.” You call her name as soon as she sits down at your table.

“___.”

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah. I think we should…look, I’m sorry I didn’t know, I would have backed off immediately if you had told me you’d been in love with him since the beginning,” Momo heaves, a crestfallen expression painted on her face.

“Momo, I’m sorry, I’m just so used to you having everything, I kind of wanted to have something for myself, I can’t tell you how much it hurt me when I saw him slowly falling in love with you, because I was hoping he’d be my little secret, something I didn’t have to share. I know it seems selfish, but I can’t help it.” You don’t want to cry, but something’s urging you.

“___, this is why…this is why I want you to be more vocal, I’ve known you’ve been insecure this whole time, but I didn’t want to say anything because…well, partially I liked all the attention I received, it was addicting and I felt good, I felt popular and special, but you suffered because of my selfish tendencies, and I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to do that, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.” It hit you hard. So she knew? This whole time she knew?

“Momo, even I have to admit…it’s a little bit selfish, and it’s annoying, because this whole time I thought you genuinely didn’t know how I felt.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” she sighs, tears welling up in her eyes, “It feels so stupid now, I was so stupid, and the fact that I had a feeling you had feelings for Todoroki and I still decided to try my shot- you know, I had a feeling he liked you all along, from the moment I decided to talk to him, I’ll be honest with you, ___, I don’t think he ever liked me, or even loved me, those ‘lessons’ you two had were probably because he needed a reason to spend more time with you.” Momo had been selfish, at least you had figured that out, but you can’t deny how good it feels to finally be honest between the two of you, and with what she was telling you about Shoto- you had a feeling Todoroki had been lying a little, but the more you think about it; you hadn’t seen Shoto pick up his pen once during the films you watched, and if he did you surely never heard the sound of his pen scribbling away at the paper, the way he so awkwardly described Momo when you met up with Uraraka and Midoriya, and the way he was frustrated by Akio, and the way he so willingly kissed you back at the beach…you’re not sure if you’re looking too deep or not deep enough,

But that’s not what you need to be thinking about right now, right now, you and Momo need to set shit straight.

“___, I’m sorry, I love you, you’ll always be my best friend, whether or not you forgive me, I hope you know that I had no intentions to hurt you.”

“Yaoyorozu, maybe at some point, we can be friends again like we used to be, but for now, I want to keep some distance, I just want a little peace, I want to see what it’s like to be on my own.”

“O-Okay, that’s okay, I can do that, we can do that, thank you.”

“I love you, too, by the way.”

And you won’t forget the smile the smile that graces her face afterwards.

“So I heard…from my pet fish…that Todoroki Shoto, happened to have a crush on me before our lessons.”

“Does your pet fish happen to be called Yaoyorozu Momo?”

“Maybe…” You trail off, playing with Shoto’s red-white hair and placing kisses around his scar.

“I’m honestly surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner, I thought maybe it was obvious I was lying to you a little bit when I came to you three weeks ago.” A sweet sigh leaves Shoto’s lips as you pepper his face with kisses.

“Shoto, I couldn’t pick up the fact you liked me even after our kiss, also you called me a deflated whale when we first met, do you really think-”

“Does it really matter how long I liked you? I mean I thought it was obvious that this whole time I was using our lessons to spend more time with you, besides, even if I didn’t use our lessons for Momo, at least…at least they came in use at the end,” Shoto sits up and pulls out the notebook he brought with him the first time he came around, flipping through the pages showing you all his notes that seemed to be centred around you, and the terrible (don’t worry I won’t tell him you thought that) drawings of you he had attempted, it was so wholesome you thought you might burst into tears.

“Besides, asking why you looked like a deflated whale when you were sad was just an excuse to talk to you anyway. It kind of frustrated me when you started crying about how you were never someone’s first choice.”

“Why?” God you’re so clueless.

“Because you’ve always been my first choice, even if I didn’t show it.”

#bnha todoroki #bnha imagines #bnha todomomo #todoroki imagine #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shoto torodoki #bnha headcanons #bnha x y/n

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years ago

Text

Emp-ire “Vacation.”

Ok everyone, so Just a bit of an announcement before we get to this story. As you know I have been writing this series for over a year now, which includes the book. That means I haven’t worked on anything else in years. I love these stories, and the characters, so I want to keep writing, But, to avoid burnout, I am going to need to take a detour from the the regular themes and write something new. I won’t title them HASO because that is the theme I am stepping away from for a bit. But its all the same characters and what not, just something new so I don’t end up with the desire to quit.

The book’s name is Empyrean Iris so, the nickname I am giving the universe is Emp-ire because it is shorter. If you can think up a better name, I am cool to hear it out, but this is how you will know the difference :).

I hope you will accept the new shenanigans and be willing to ride out this little detour with me. Its for the health of my writing, but I still wanted to give you guys something, while allowing myself to relax and write something else for a little.

Sharp light filtered in through tinted glass. Despite the brightness and pureness of the light, somehow the room still seemed dark. Perhaps it was the sharpness of the light and the blackness of the shadows left in its wake. The room itself seemed cold and barren. The floors were grey, the walls were grey, and the furniture was mostly stainless steel.

There was a chair toppled over on the floor in the center, surrounded by shards of shattered glass which caught the sharp light from outside and warped it to reflect across the room in crystalline patterns.

The walls of the room were barren, mostly devoid of pictures, except for one hanging crooked over the couch- a frozen image of a happy family smiling down from the wall. Somehow, in a room like this their smiles seemed rather hollow. Just across from that a TV was playing static and a defused bluish light filtered onto the floor where it mixed with the white light filtering in from the tinted window, and the bright lunar landscape outside.

The place was silent, mostly silent except for the occasional sloshing of liquid.

He lay on the dull grey floor next to the overturned coffee table. He was a wreck, wearing a stained white T-shirt and boxer shorts. His face was covered in a weak layer of scruff and in one hand he held a bottle. He lay there for another long moment staring with a dead expression up at the ceiling before slowly raising the bottle to his lips and taking another swig. He grimaced, and much of the alcohol spilled out onto his chin and neck, but he didn’t seem to care, and rested his head back against the floor with a dull thud.

He contemplated getting up.

Cleaning himself up maybe.

But that would clearly be too much work with his prosthetic stowed under the bed in the bedroom.

He was a cripple.

He couldn’t get up.

He took another sip from the bottle, hating the taste as much as the fuzziness that clouded his head.

A soft whimper from the other side of the coffee table, and looking up he saw a snout and a pair of ears poke out from behind it.

“Lay down.” He ordered drunkenly

And the nose and snout disappeared again to go along with a dull thud.

He didn’t have the energy to deal with her today, but she was always so insistent. He just wanted to be left along more than anything in the world.

Adam stared at the ceiling closing his eyes as another wave of incomprehensible self loathing washed over him, he was an idiot, he was pathetic, he was stupid, and he was barely even human. He had no life, no personality, and the one thing that made him interesting was the one thing he couldn’t do at the moment.

He hadn’t told the UNSC of course, he didn’t want to lose his job.

So he had disguised his visit to the moon as extended leave, leave that was VERY extended considering all his unused vacation hours stacked up. If he wanted, he could take the next year off.

The thought scared, him and his fear scared him even more. Why was he so afraid of spending time by himself.

It’s because you don’t have a personality.

Or the fact that you are super boring and you know you would be bored the entire time.

Because you are worried about what you are going to learn about yourself.

Because…. Because you don’t get to see her.

He squeezed his eyes tight shut and groaned.

Stop thinking! Don’t think about that!

And then he heard the sound of keys rattling in the lock. He sat up very quickly suddenly aware that he was legless and unarmed. But who the hell had a key! Only his mother, but she was back on earth, its not like he could think of anyone else to give it to. The key rattled in the lock for a few more seconds.

Adam turned looking around for any sort of weapon and found only the mostly empty bottle at his side.

He looked at it, shrugged, and then downed the last of its content before grabbing it by the neck and brandishing it like a weapon.

The lock clicked and the door was pushed inward. Boots thudded over the grey laminate floor, and a shape came around the corner duffle bag in one hand, a set of keys swinging in the other.

He raised the bottle, ready to throw it at the intruder and then paused.

“Ramirez!”

Ramirez stopped to look at him a dark eyebrow raising over an amber eye. He looked Adam up and down very slowly before, “You look like shit.”

Self consciously Adam managed to lever himself up onto the couch, so he could be a little more dignified, but as he was right now, there wasn’t much hope of that.

Ramirez lifted his nose to the room and sniffed grimacing.

“Dude, its smells like a bar in here, and not the reputable kind. It smells like the kind of bar where the blond chick just threw up in the corner, and drunk uncle dan pissed himself because he passed out.”

“Ok, Ok I get it.”

Ramirez turned to look at him, “No I don’t think you do, bro what the hell.” he bent over and picked up one of the bottles, “Since when did you drink?” He flipped the bottle over, “Since when did you drink this shit. If you are going to get drunk at least make it something good.”

Adam looked away, “Highest alcohol content I could find.”

“Yeah…. That stops now.”

He set down his duffle and crossed his arms over his chest, “Go get yourself cleaned up.”

Adam opened his mouth to protest.

Ramirez held up a hand, “No, no your mother said she would only give me the keys if I got your ass out of the house, and that is what i intend to do.”

“You met my mother!”

“Yes, lovely lady, though the next time she sees you shes gonna beat your ass. Now get up and go wash the stench off, I can smell you from here. Also,...” He looked down, reaching into his bag and tossing a small white bottle over to Adam, who, somehow, managed to catch it.

The two of them stared in surprise for a second before Adam flipped the bottle over to read the label.

“Ethen-null?” He read aloud, “What is this.”

“Take two, they should neutralize the ethanol in your bloodstream. I used to carry a bottle around in my wilder days. ITs great when you want to get super drunk late at night, but you don’t want to be a shitty human being while driving home drunk.”

“I don't w-”

“Option one is you take them voluntarily, option two is that I make you take them, and I guarantee that you aren’t going to like option two.”

“I can’t walk.”

“Boo hoo, get up and hop your crippled ass to the shower, I know you can.”

HE blinked a bit surprised at the venom in Ramirez’s tone. No one had spoken to him like that in a while. The ones who did speak to him kept tip toeing around him as if they knew there was some problem, but not wanting to address it.

“NOW!”

“Ok, Ok, jeeze.”

He uncapped the bottle first, tipping two of the little white pills into his hand before swallowing them dry and then getting unsteadily to his remaining foot. Ramirez didn’t make one single move to help him as he hopped, or crawled his way across the room and towards the hallway where his room was.

Opening the door, it was clear the place hadn’t been touched since he moved in.

He didn’t really know why.

There was something about sleeping in a bed somewhere that made that place permanent.

He wobbled through the door into the bathroom, which, luckily for him had a walk in shower and a bench.

Despite his original dislike for the idea of getting up, the water felt good on his aching soul, and he spent some minutes trying to scrub the alcohol and grease from his body. A thick coat of steam rose up around him as the warm water evaporated, rolling down the glass in rivulets.

He admitted to feeling a little better as he hoped out of the shower and onto the heated tiles, gripping the railing on the wall for support as he moved over to the mirror.

His mouth tasted pretty foul, but at least his head was clear, and he took at least five minutes of brushing his teeth and two cup fulls of mouthwash to satisfy him.

He contemplated not shaving, but decided he might as well since he was here.

His leg was already beginning to ache with trying to hold himself up, and he took the indignity of crawling on his hands and knee into the bedroom, in only a towel, rooting under the bed until his hand fell on the cold outside of the prosthetic.

He closed his eyes unable to look as he pulled it out from under the bed and strapped it on feeling the motors whirr to life as he finally picked himself up off the floor.

He refused to look down as he walked over to the drawers and pulled out a fresh set of clothes, tossing his nasty ones into a bin in the closet.

Over the sound of the fan in the bathroom, he thought he could hear the sound of a vacuum and then pots and pans clanging in the kitchen.

Curious, he stepped out into the hallway only to find that the front room had been tidied. The chairs and overturned tables had been picked up, the glass had been vacuumed, and waffles was greedily staring at Ramirez as he popped a piece of toast from the toaster, buttering it lightly before handing ti down to the dog, who took it gently and walked over to her bowl.

Ramirez looked over his shoulder, “She deserves it after having to deal with your dumbass for the past few weeks.”

He took a seat at the dining room table.

“Feeling any better?”

“Feeling human at least…. I guess.”

“Good,also you better be hungry because I am making breakfast.”

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

Ramirez raised an eyebrow at him, “Really, I come from a long and illustrious line of people who enjoy fiestas and siestas, so of course I know how to cook. My abuela would be horrified you even suggested such a thing. Just because YOU can’t cook.” he turned to the kitchen, “All this food in here, and the only thing I find open is a box of cereal, which is weird because no milk was open, which makes me think you have just been shoveling it into your face dry like dog food. Speaking of dog food, you HAVE been feeding waffles, right?”

Adam frowned a little affronted, “Of course I have!”

“Good, because I was about to slap your bitch as if you weren't.” Across the room waffles licked her chops rather loudly.

Adam paused and looked down at the table as Ramirez walked over setting a plate in front of him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Taking care of you, what does it look like. My matronly side really comes out when I think my friends are being stupid. Now eat your breakfast, or the shoe comes off.”

“The shoe?’

“Another long and glorious tradition passed down through the centuries that involves throwing your shoe and disobedient children.”

Adam raised his hands, “Ok, ok, I’m eating.”

He picked up the fork as ramirez turned to sit down next to him.

As soon as he took a bite, his mouth exploded with flavor, it was so good it was almost as if he could experience it through all five senses, and even a few more. His mouth began to immediately water. He hadn’t eaten like this in months, and found that he was surprisingly ravenous.”

Ramirez looked on smugly as he polished off the plate and then saat back in his seat,.

“More?”

Adam nodded.

Ramirez took the plate and returned with a second helping, which Adam managed much more slowly this time.

“So….”

“So?”

“How is the crew.”

The atmosphere seemed to sour just a little. Ramirez shrugged, “Since you left, its been ok I guess. Simon is doing alright but she kind of a stickler for rules, and becomes even more so when she is stressed, which kind of puts a damper on things….. She not as good as you are truth be told.”

There was a silence in the room.

“And…. Kanan?”

“Oh he’s still pissed. I am pretty sure when you get back you might have to duel him, or at least take a punch, but he’s sort of stepped up to take care of the clan and….. The weapons system since….”

“So she’s still gone is she/’

Ramirez sighed, “yeah, she's still gone, but she left a bunch of her stuff on the ship, and apparently she told kanan she was only going to be out for a couple of months, so here is to hoping she returns.” Ramirez paused turning to look at Adam with a frown.

Adam shrugged, “What.”

“You’re a real dumbass, you know that.” Adam sighed, “Soyou have said.”

“No no, you are going to hear me out for a second because I have a few things to say to you. I have been thinking bout it on my trip to find you, and I think its about time someone said them.”

Adam waited.

“You are the smartest dumb person I have ever met.” Adam blinked, “Here is a man who doesn’t need to do orbital calculations to fly a jet into orbit. He is a man who knows exactly what to do and what to say to new alien species. Here is a man who practically defined a generation, and yet here is that same dumbass abandoning his support system when he needs it the most. You have that habit, you know that. The habit of telling the Rest of us to F-off when you really need us. Its like you think that somehow we can’t handle your problems, when bitch, we have problems of our own, and if we can’t handle your we wouldn’t be offering to help. He leaned forward across the table, “You need to step up and do better because this is getting tiring.”

Adam remained in his seat staring at Ramirez and he sat back.

“Are you done?”

“No.” He slumped a bit, “But that will have to do for now.”

Adam sighed,, stared out the window at the Lunar landscape for a long moment before, “You know after years and years, after therapy and after psychologist after psychologist….. Not one has anyone ever said that.”

Ramirez watched him shiftily, not sure where this was going.

“Ive been waiting years for someone to tell me that?”

Ramirez blinked, “ok…. Ok well… shit I didn’t really expect that to work. I was just pissed to be honest.”

Adam shrugged.

“I get tired of people being so understanding all the time. It doesn’t help…. At least not me anyway.”

“Well in that case.”

Ramirez stood and walked over to his duffel bag, “You and I are going to go on a little vacation. Get out and experience the universe while we are still young. Find ourselves, and hopefully get into a shit ton of trouble.”

Adam frowned, “Are you sure about this.”

He grinned, “yes, and I know the perfect palace to start.”

He grabbed the duffle bag, and then flipped it’s contents onto the floor, “Your mom gave me these.”

Andam stood and walked over, turning to look down at the pile of clothes before snorting a laugh, “You can’t be serious.”

Ramirez grinned, “Nothing more wild that the final frontier.”

Adam reached down, and picked up two sets of wide brimmed cowboy hats from the floor pulling them apart. One was black and the other was a light tan, “You aren’t serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking.”

With a snort he reached over and crammed the hat on to Ramirez’s head before pulling the black hat onto his own.

Ramirex struck a pose, ‘What do you think, make a pretty good cowboy, wont I.”

“You look like as much of a dumbass as I am.”

“Ouch, that really hurts me on the inside you know.”

Adam turned to look at his reflection in the window, “So this is how you are going to fix me huh, playing dress up?”

“Ok, number one I am hoping to help you fix yourself, number two your mother says you love playing dress up, and number three, I want to go on a cool vacation, but no one else will go with me.”

Adam sighed, and rolled his eyes, “Ok, ok we will go on a vacation.”

Ramirez rubbed his hands together evilly, “Excellent.”

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chasingthepoguelife · 4 years ago

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Lonely Boys Do Stupid Things Part 1

Lonely boys do stupid things Part 1

(gif credits to @rafecameron)

Summary: Rafe is tired of an already boring summer, constantly being judged by everyone on the island, and is looking for a challenge. When the group is introduced to the new girl hanging out with Kiara, Topper suggests a challenge and Rafe accepts only to be conflicted along the way.

Author’s: So in this world Rafe is still a bad guy, just not a “I killed a cop and have all these daddy issues” bad, Topper hasn’t developed yet, and also John B hasn’t dragged anyone into his stupid shit and there is a civil ground between kooks and pogues and Ward isn’t a “I love two out my three children and murdered my friend” dad. For reference, I do not support Rafe’s canon character. I’m just blinded by the attraction I feel for him and I love Drew, but will never condone or excuse Rafe’s actions. Also, I’m not writing y/n with many descriptions. I know all types of people might read this and I want to make everyone feel included but I also don’t want to do it the wrong way so I’m leaving a lot of physical features up to the reader’s imagination. I would also accept tips and constructive criticism to be more of an inclusive writer.

Warning: For part 1 I don’t think there is anything.

Another summer week has come and passed for the kooks of Figure Eight. The Cameron kids made quite the headlines last year, Sarah dating a boy from the Cut, and the eldest Rafe Cameron, having to save one of his father’s many businesses after almost running it to the ground. The chatter and nosiness of other Figure Eight residents died down in the winter, but they always stick their noses in the Cameron’s business around summer time. Rafe awaited the month of September where he could escape to the mainland again, but after only two weeks down, and what felt like two years, he had no idea how he would survive the next six weeks.

“Come on get up!” Rafe heard with a pillow meeting his face. He looked over at his clock, 1:30pm, and was greeted with Sarah hovering over his night stand.

“Sarah, I have no desire to go anywhere except for the kitchen, “Rafe groaned.

“I’m not going to let you wither away like a pathetic sap. Get your bathing suit on and head outside. We’re meeting John B and Kiara, even your friends bothered to tag along.”

“Why do you have to make things even more fucked than they already are?” Rafe questioned.

“If John B and I can move around the island and shut down the lonely gossiping housewives, then you can get on a boat!”

After Rafe groaned and didn’t move for ten minutes, Sarah had to come back in to make sure he was alive and moving.

“Five minutes Rafe!” Sarah yelled, pulling off his comforter.

After fifteen minutes, Rafe managed to get himself dressed and meet his sister and John B on their father’s boat. Ward had suggested they take the boat for a joy ride, all day, wherever they wanted. A year ago, Rafe’s blood would’ve boiled at the thought of a pogue being so close, but things have changed. He actually admires how John B lives his life, not caring what other people think, although he’d rather choke before admitting he looks up to a younger pogue.

“Ok so Rafe’s a sad sack that barley moves and John B as your girlfriend I automatically make the rules so we’re heading south to meet Kie for the day. I’m going to sail so you two make nice and enjoy the ride,” Sarah demanded.

As Sarah started the boat’s engine, the group heard screaming, looking up towards the Cameron house, seeing a tall blonde boy in a pink polo, running like his life depended on it.

“You- said- 215pm- Sarah!” the boy gasped out of breath.

“No Topper, I’m pretty sure I said 2,” Sarah said sarcastically.

After almost a year, Sarah is still playing jokes on her ex- boyfriend and brother for the way they treated John B and his friends.

“Rafe boy, you tired of me already?” Topper laughed.

“Obviously, look at my new best friend here,” Rafe pointed to John B.

“I’m going to get us beers if this is how the whole ride is going to be,” John B said.

“You tired of us already Rafey?” Topper joked.

“I’m always tired of you and Kelce,” Rafe laughed.

“You know he’s on some better path spiritual shit this summer, giving up booze?” Topper said in disbelief (A/N: in season 2 I want better for Kelce as in he deserves better friends)

“It has to be better than this. I don’t want to deal with everyone’s judgmental shit so I keep a low profile, and all that’s got me is a boat ride with my sister and John B, and to see more pogues!”

Rafe and Topper have become more tolerant of the residents of the Cut, but no doubt they wake up every morning still thinking they’re a gift to this planet.

“I don’t know if I can handle another 6 weeks of this shit, I’m going insane!” Rafe yelled.

“I’m sure we will find something to fill those weeks. If we go looking long enough, something fun will fall in our lap,” Topper smirked.

John B had come back with drinks for the group, actually engaging in civil conversation with his girlfriend’s ex and her loopy brother. The boys have adjusted to this civil relationship, something Figure Eight residents loved to gossip about. Not too long after, the kook boys started to see that they would be arriving shortly after passing Heywards, marking their entrance into pogue world. Rafe will never admit it, but the pogue he hates the most is Pope Heyward. He hates how hardworking and smart he is, how his father would do anything for him, but more so how he has an entire group of friends ready to drop everything to help him. Topper is his good friend, but there’s no way he’d do half the things John B and JJ do for Pope.

“There’s Kie on her dad’s boat,” Sarah pointed out. “I’m going to anchor down close to hers and we can figure it out from there.”

As Sarah found a good place to drop the anchor, everyone on the boat could here Kie and another voice mixing of loud laughter. Kie was running around on the boat deck as another girl the group had never seen before followed behind her. Surprised by the presence of unknown person, the group couldn’t help but stare.

“Kie!” Sarah waved enthusiastically. The one good thing out of last year’s madness was that Sarah got her childhood best friend back. Kie and the unknown girl started making their way onto the Druthers as it is bigger than Kie’s boat. Everyone watched the girls make their way on, especially Rafe. He wasn’t sure what to make of this girl, but he definitely noticed her long legs climbing onto the boat and that’s when he thought, what else she was capable of doing with legs that long. His thoughts were interrupted as he heard a new voice.

“I’m y/n”, she said as everyone stared.

“Nice to meet you, y/n, I’m John B, this is Sarah, that’s Topper, and that last one is Rafe.”

As y/n took in the new people in front of her, Topper noticed how her eyes kept lingering on Rafe.

“Kie, are you going to tell us about your new gorgeous friend?” Topper smirked.

“No, she won’t, but I will!” y/n chimed in.

“Well obviously I’m y/n. I’m 18 years old. I’m new to the Outer Banks. My dad had to move us out here for a business deal that he’s got going with Kiara’s dad, I have a 14-year-old brother, and at any time you can either find me in the water or looking for snacks.”

“Where do you live y/n”? John B asked.

“Not too far. My parents managed to find a cute little house in the Marigold neighborhood. (A/N: I made this location up) Everyone except Kie stopped in their tracks. The group although already divided, had nothing to do with the residents of Marigold. Anyone in that area of the island was neither a pogue nor a kook. They really had no identity as they were not rich enough to be kooks but not poor enough to be a pogue from the Cut. Most people living there are Marigold born and raised, considered to be more of an outcast than pogues. The rest of the island didn’t know how to label Marigolds. There wasn’t enough money to buy a yacht, but you could still eat enough everyday and rest your head on a comfortable big bed every night.

An awkward silence lingered in the group that no one knew how to break. Kie pulled y/n by the arm and explained.

“Y/n I told you, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with where you live, but on this island, everyone is classist and territorial. You’re better off saying you’re from my neighborhood to make it easier for you.”

“This group is already messed up, what’s one more thing to stir the pot? Welcome to the group y/n!” John B cheered.

As the tension cleared in the group, the sun came out in full force. Sarah steered the Druthers further out into the ocean for a nice swim. The music began bumping, drinks were passed around, and y/n felt like she knew the group for years. After a few hours, the only ones who needed a break were Topper and Rafe. The two climbed back onto the boat to rest.

“So, for a Marigold this new girl seems decent?” Topper questioned.

“She’s alright, just not for me. The last thing I need on top of all this other shit is for me to be seen around the island with a girl like that. The Figure Eight would have a field day.”

“Maybe that’s it,” Topper smirked. “This is something you’ve never experienced before. It would be a challenge. She’s not the worst thing to look at, you could have some fun with her.”

“Top if I really wanted to, I could have my pick of any pogue or kook chick in my bed like yesterday,” Rafe boasted.

“No man, hear me out. You have 6 weeks left. I challenge you to make her head over heels for you in that time. It will give you something to do, you’ll get some and then poof you leave for the mainland. By the time you see her again she’ll be over it. Plus, she seemed to focus on you a bit longer back at the docks so she probably already has a thing for youI get why we had to change with the pogues but at least they know where they stand. This girl thought she’d move here and live like she’s the main character of a tv show but it’s only going to cause more problems, “Topper shared his concerns.

Rafe had to pause for a moment. Last year he would’ve said yes right away, but lately he’s been finding himself questioning his morals and values, thinking if he behaved more the gossip would stop. It would be wrong to mess with someone like this, but he is bored after all, and he doesn’t want to look like a pussy in front of Topper. He looked out into the ocean watching her swim so happily amongst the waves.

“This is going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done,” Rafe declared.

#rafe cameron #drew starkey #pope heyward #kiara carrera #john b #sarah cameron #Outer Banks #obx #topper thornton

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helpingmehelpmyself · 4 years ago

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So my night has ended in shit. I made the reoccurring mistake of trying to have an adult conversation with my mother about how certain things she does affects me and makes me feel bad. This is a mistake I keep making, hoping that our relationship improves. What really happens is her feeling attacked and yelling at me which makes me want to cry and not share my feelings with her. But then later I forget the absolute shit I feel like and she repeats behavior or I notice I'm bottling up a negative emotion and I repeat the process of trying to have an adult conversation.

Today was my graduation photos which have been planned by my mom for a few weeks now. Mom did the planning, I didn't know what was to happen or any changes that had been made. I mentioned to my boyfriend that I'll have my photos taken and he asks if he should dress up. I'm thinking this is only going to be a small family thing so I say no. We still decided to have Dutch Bros before the photoshoot together and he decided to help with the photoshoot. I mentioned to my brother last week that I was getting my hair done for this and he mentioned he'd be there. I asked mom about it in which she said that is the same weekend we'd have my niece so yes and then she pulls out a dress for my niece. (My brother also decided that was his way of telling mom he'd be there which we hate when he does that because we don't talk to each other like that.) My dad calls me a few days ago needing a ride to the area, which isn't uncommon. I said "oh, what are you coming here for?" And he says the photoshoot. First time I hear of him. So to both of those times, I said I know nothing about the operation of the photoshoot.

Photoshoot comes today and everyone is in the house getting ready. Brother's girlfriend/niece's mother is there doing mom's makeup and changes into a dress for the photoshoot. My cousin drives my dad to the house and ends up sticking around helping with the shoot (not in it). We arrive to the university for photos and my dad and cousin are just like "why is your boyfriend not dressed?" I tell them because it was never mentioned that he'd be in the photos (I didn't even think he'd be helping with the photos). They continue to tell me I should have assumed because we are dating and that I really had no excuse for preparing him. So I send him home to change. I feel like shit because I continue to feel like there is a theory by other people that because my boyfriend is soft spoken and always ready to make me happy that he's the god given saint and I'm just this chaotic chick who was lucky to find someone to deal with and that she probably walks over (previous comments made before and during this relationship kinda make me feel like that's everyone's theory). So I feel like a shit as girlfriend in front of my family and when I explain to them I don't assume when it comes to mom because it leads to her yelling at me. I'm trying to make today a yell free day (I was close but failed at 10pm). So he changes, comes back, we all take photos.

We did a bit of walking and I was in stiletto heels my mom picked out for me. They were cute but uncomfortable. My feet were in pain and I made it clear that I was in pain generally. But I didn't feel safe telling my mom that these shoes are now uncomfortable because previous comments she's made in the past sounds like she doubts my ability to walk in heels, which bothers me. At one point, I was going to take them off for the walk and my dad told me not to. Thankfully, my boyfriend gave me a piggy back ride for a bit. (Unfortunately I am gaining some weight so I think that made it more difficult for him to carry me.)

We go to lunch together then everyone (minus boyfriend who is now at work) congregates to my uncle's house and have a kickback. It wasn't until I watched a TikTok about a new lipstick to realize it triggered me to earlier events today. We're taking photos and what I recall is mom whining where is my lipstick. I do wear makeup but I don't normally wear lipstick so I had gloss on. I say that and mom scoffed, rolled her eyes, changed her body language, something that tells me not having lipstick was not her preference.

I found myself stuck on these things to the point of ranting to other people a few times throughout the day. I decided that maybe having a conversation with her would help so we could clear the air and try to work things out. I try to have calm, adult conversations in which both sides are heard and respected. This didn't go that way and it never does.

I came home and asked her if we could talk downstairs away from everyone so this is a conversation between me and her. I told her I just wanted to talk about some things that happened today that didn't make me feel good and that it was hard coming to her because I'm afraid of her labeling me as sensitive (which she has done and it feels like it is more to excuse others actions and place blame on me. For example, she tells me I have bad hair in front of my brother and his girlfriend. When I tell her there is no such thing as good hair, it's how you take care of the hair you were born with and continued to go along with it, she calls me sensitive. Her whole thing was she and my brother have good hair and I should have been born with it too. I interpret the sensitive label as her not finding issue with what she said/did and put the issue on me). So I try to explain to her the above things and how it makes me feel. She gets defensive, yells at me (which leads to me crying), and says I'm making things out of nothing and I'm trying to blame my whole life issues on her. Despite crying, I continue to try and deescalate by letting her speak/yell, respond calmly with "okay" and "I understand", and trying to be an adult. (I tell people I can't have adult conversations with my mom and this is what I mean). I am listening to her and how she only planned for her to be in the pictures. She did invite my brother but he doesn't normally come to my functions so she'd take my niece as some part of him if he didn't show up. My dad also tries to come out here once and awhile so she offered him a ride for when she picks up my niece. Basically, I think my family members misinterpreted as everyone, including my brother's girlfriend, being involved. My mom didn't say anything but rolled with it. She mentioned to her boyfriend (who I don't think originally was going to be in the photos until everyone tagged along) that she didn't invite my brothers girlfriend to be in these photos, doesn't know how to tell her that, and is afraid of my boyfriend thinking that she was rude for inviting everyone but him. But the thing is, nothing is communicated to me about the event. I feel that if I would have known what my mom was planning, I would have rolled with punches as well. Tell me what your original plans were so I don't get "bent out of shape" (mom's words) when people come at me with why I didn't do this or that.

She didn't register what I meant about the lipstick, heels and being labelled sensitive. For the lipstick, she says they put lipstick on you at Ulta when they do your makeup there so that was... An assumption I should have made? And assumption she made? I don't know but I haven't had my makeup done by them in five years and I do my makeup differently. I don't even own lipstick and haven't worn any in like 3+ years. For the heels, she said/yelled I should have told her they were uncomfortable (they weren't when I made sure they fit, I never had to walk in them previously) or that I wanted shorter heels or wider wedges which wasn't the point. The point was I didn't feel comfortable telling her directly they were uncomfortable because past actions made me believe she'd think less of me. For the sensitivity thing, in which I tried to explain she also said things like this while I was growing up, she took that as me placing all blame on her. Not the fact that I don't like to be called sensitive and it makes me feel like she is placing blame on my emotions. When I tried to clarify that part, she told me I need to stop doing that.

Afterwards she asks if there is anything else and I said I think the conversation is done. She agrees, stomps off, and continues to talk about how I am trying to find things to blame on her. I go to the kitchen, cry, and put things away. She asks me how to remove her false lashes and I say peel them off. I go to my room, cry some more, and write this post.

I didn't expect anything to change, I actually did predict all of this happening. I still did it because I was pissed off that I was still pissed off. And some part of me hopes this will lead to better communication with my mom which I have past evidence of that not being the case. I end up sadder than before and she ends up pissed off, possibly thinking I'm ungrateful, against her, whatever.

I don't want my children to feel this way. I don't want anyone to feel this way with me. I want to be able to have calm conversations with people in which things can be resolved or we can understand each other better. I want there to be respect, regardless of the differences in opinion, lifestyle, whatever. Thankfully, I feel like I am doing a good job incorporating that into my relationships minus my family ones. Mostly my mom but my brother has his moments too.

My brother also understands where I'm coming from when it comes to things like this. My mom isn't exactly what I would call emotionally available. My brother began to resent it before I did. I think having his daughter and having my mom be involved made it better. I think my brother also tried to have similar conversations with my mom that backfired. He says she was raised in a time/way that family members could say/do whatever and you have no choice but to get over it because they're family. The thing is, my mom taught us cut off culture very early in life. My birth father and his family are cut off. She's cut off some of her family members. I actually cut off her former boss/family friend for inappropriate comments he made about me sexually and comments he made about my boyfriend who's white which I told her about and she didn't listen to until my brother and father were like "yeah we know why she cut him off and we're glad she did" (she actually went on the try to get my brother and father to tell her why and I told them not to say anything because I had already told her I was cutting him off to her face because of inappropriate comments. She said okay and asked no follow up questions. For this moment, it felt like she wanted to know just because everyone else did, not for my own wellbeing in which she would have listened to me when I told her to her face).

But yeah, my mom is not horrible. Far from it. It's mostly the lack of emotional availability and the issue of accountability (for everyone, not just her). But I wouldn't be surprised that once I moved out and became self sufficient that I cut her off too. There is enough trauma that I'm not given a right to fix or find closure with her and it affects me. I want it not to. I want to move on with my life. If that means moving on from my mother, I should be okay with that

#helping me help myself #mental health #mental wellness #therapy #self help #family issues #family #mom #mommy issues #college #graduation #relationships

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the-queer-look · 4 years ago

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Couple Theory

Name: Lucy Age: 24 Location: Glebe Occupation: Bush Regenerator Sexual Orientation: Lesbian Gender: Female

Name: Aisling Age: 21 Location: Glebe Occupation: Customer Service Sexual Orientation: Queer Gender: Female

Lucy – I feel like I’m still figuring out how I’m comfortable presenting because I didn’t come out till I was twenty, which was quite a time after I realised I was gay at sixteen. When I moved to Sydney I really wanted to show people that I was queer, and with much of my influence being from the internet, I wore a lot of the stereotypical lesbian clothing I saw on there – mostly sporty sorts of clothing – but as I’ve gone through, whenever I find something that I don’t hate myself in I wear it over and over again until something new comes along. Recently I’ve been vibing with the look of boots, singlet tops, and making my tattoos very visible. I make myself look somewhat unapproachable with my resting face being a frown, and my outfits being if not aggressive, then non-welcoming, but if people do actually come up to me I really want people to like me, so it all falls away.

Aisling – My daily presentation is just the easy T-shirts and jeans, lots of bouldering merch, maybe a button up if I’m being a little fancy, just a classic chapstick lesbian.

Lucy – Where did your inspo for that come from?

Aisling – What? Jeans and a shirt? Does that need inspiration? I guess I tuck my shirt in to make sure its queer? I have a lot of Vans, and a milk crate full of socks I guess. I used to save up money when I was in high school to put towards my first pair of Vans and I was so excited. I think I have twenty pairs now? Lots of converse, runners, and climbing shoes as well. Colourful socks and shoes are my thing I guess.

Lucy – I remember I was sixteen when I realised I liked girls, but I don’t know what triggered it. I think it was something on TV? I think it was an NCIS episode and they had a really awful portrayal of lesbians, who were identified as gay because at the end of the episode they held hands, and that triggered some kind of twinge in my chest that I’d never felt before.

Ailing – That was your gay bone

Lucy – My gay bone?

K – Yeah, your sternum is your gay bone

Ailing – I’ve torn that twice from being too gay

K – you need to remember to stretch before going out and being gay all night.

Lucy – It was a really weird feeling, I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I went and found out about the episode, and it was of course one of those “oh no homosexuals are evil” sorts of plots. I think that negative portrayal contributed to my negative feelings about being gay, and being so scared to come out. I don’t know where else that would have come from because my parents never expressed any opinion about homosexuality. Those feelings were confirmed when I had my first crush on a girl in my school. I was nauseous more than anything when I realised it, and I just ignored that feeling for years which isn’t healthy. What helped me overcome it though, as I’m sure helped a lot of people from small towns with not much queer representation was the internet, and YouTubers, The Legend of Korra, and Tumblr. (The ending of Legend of Korra) was ust so beautiful, and so revolutionary as well. I remember seeing the ship of Korra and Asami come up on my tumblr, but it was years before the end fo the show, when it actually happened. I remember watching it on a family holiday trip and had to leave the dining table and I was shaking and crying because it was such a huge, beautiful moment that was probably one of the most significant moments of accepting myself. Looking back I definitely associate that final image of them holding hands before going to the spirit world together with my final stage of accepting who I am.

Moving to Sydney was my time to finally come out and explore. I came out to one of my Canadian exchange friends who was here, and they took me to Birdcage (lesbian nightclub in Sydney) where I met some of my friends. My first time in a queer club was like being surrounded by a family who I felt like I knew even though I hadn’t met any of them. That was also the year that the marriage equality vote was passed, So I took that opportunity to find out what my parents thought about homosexuality by asking them what they were voting for. They both said they were voting yes, which made me feel comfortable enough to come out to them the next week.

I’m still learning what are the most appropriate ways to describe myself and my relationship with myself, and how to present myself to the world. The more I learn, the more I will change the way I present myself, and there is a lot more of myself to explore.

Aisling – I think I was around thirteen or fourteen when I saw the show “faking it” - a show about a girl in high school figuring out her sexuality – and I just noticed that I was relating to every situation that the character was going through, and suddenly realised I was questioning my sexuality. I mentioned it to one of my friends that I used to walk to school with, and she would just keep egging me on with “come on just say it, just say you’re gay its fine”. I came out to her as bi at one stage, but I didn’t like that term, I didn’t like the term lesbian either, and still don’t, I prefer to think of myself as queer, or just gay.

When I actually came out two or so years later, I remember telling my close friend group that I was bi… and then later that week just said “nah I’m gay actually”. It was about 7:30pm, on a Wednesday night, after basketball, in the shower talking to myself saying “im gonna do this, im gonna do this”. Just me and my dad home, I psyched myself up for ages and then walked in and out of the kitchen about five times before going “Dad, I have something to tell you” sweating bullets “Dad, I’m gay la di da.”

Lucy – La di da?

Aisling – yes, Father, it’s la di da for me I’m afraid

Lucy – please put my sexuality down as la di da

Aisling – The first thing he said to me was “yeah I always thought you had a bigger obsession with the female tennis players than the men.” and yeah damn he had me there. I hate that I remember the day and everything… like the first of September 2016?

I moved out from my mum to my dad’s mostly because my mum’s partner at the time was very homophobic, and any dinner conversation would turn to him deriding gay marriage, or coming out with some racist shit. Eventually I decided “this bothers me too much, I’m going to have to say something” and it was… really upsetting when he didn’t agree. So of course I came out to my dad first and made him tell mum, which was then an interesting conversation…

“Your father tells me you’ve told him you’re gay?”

“yep, that’s it”

She contacted my school supervisor that night and told all of my teachers to look out for any homophobic acts towards me, letting them know that I was gay and to look out for me.

Lucy – I feel like together we tick a lot of stereotypes

Aisling – We really do

Lucy – We moved in together really quickly

Aisling – We own a cat together

Lucy – Theres that Subaru…

Aisling – I also had a lot of influence from those same queer YouTubers, and seeing their coming out videos and how free they felt afterwards made me really want to share it.

Immediately after I came out everyone at school was very supportive, like they already knew and assumed I was gay because I was just that sporty chick, so being gay just sorta went with it?

Lucy – I think I looked for validation from my parents. When I came out to mum there was no huge deal made about it, butI think validation from them comes in small snippets. Every time mum sends me something, like recently she arranged her coloured chopping boards into a rainbow and sent me a picture with “these are for you!” it’s very small, but its very significant. When I had a really big hickey on my neck, my dad said

“oh who gave you that on your neck? Does he sleep in a coffin?”

“it was a she actually”

“oh does she sleep in a coffin then?”

he just wanted to channel it into a dad joke, but it was a weird way to come out to him actually.

Aisling – To me the term Queer means “everyone included” even just an ally of the community, or a parent of an LGBT person doing your best to make them feel safe and welcome, you’re welcome in the community you know? By properly supporting something, you become a part of it.

Lucy – For me it’s very similar with those lines of community and family. It can be a label, but I feel that its evolving more into a term that indicates embracing all people. I use it sometimes to refer to a collective group of… well queer people. I refer to my close friends as my queer family.

Aisling – It feels better to use than assuming someone’s sexuality or gender without knowing the specifics.

Lucy – Individually I wouldn’t refer to any of my friends as queer. I know one friend refers to himself specifically as a bisexual, man, rather than a queer person. So I definitely like its a more family, community term, rather than a specific label, though It can still be used as one.

Aisling – I like the term because when I first came out I identified as bi, then gay, then bi, then gay, than they? And it feels more appropriate to use for myself because I’m still working it out, and it can cover a lot. For example I don’t think of myself as completely feminine, but I also don’t like the term non-binary to refer to myself, but the idea of “They” still, rather than just being she/her, I like the idea of she/they. And referring to myself as queer feels more of an accurate description.

Lucy – Ever since moving to Sydney and coming out and going to that first club night I’ve always thrown myself into as many queer events as I possibly could. I want to be able to contribute more to the community rather than just be involved in it, a lot of my friends are very engaged in the queer community, and I feel like I don’t have that level of involvement. I love that I’m never scared or intimidated to go to queer events, by myself or with my friends. Whilst I feel very connected to the queer community, I wish I could be more involved. I’m scared that since my friend group is all finishing university and looking to the future, that I’ll lose that sense of connection as everyone moves away, even though I’m sure we’ll all stay in touch.

Aisling – I feel little to no involvement in the queer community at the moment because I’m focusing so hard on my training. I’m involved with Queer Climbers Sydney though, and am looking to get more involved in the future, as soon as I have the time to do stuff.

Lucy – Challenges facing the queer community here isn Sydney… I feel like we need to create a wider variety of safer spaces in more areas. There’re certain areas of Sydney where queer people I know just don’t feel as comfortable. And the ones we do have are always pubs and clubs. Not to detract from queer nightlife; but having so much of queer culture based around adult only areas reinforces the idea that being gay, or trans, or whatever is an adult thing, and makes it easier for people to excuse restricting education about it to kids, which can be so harmful growing up and not having the education to understand yourself.

Aisling – I feel like theres more acceptance towards gay, lesbian, and bi people. But there’s less of an acceptance of trans people, like they can understand being gay, but they cant seem to understand what a trans person even is, much less how to approach them. Probably need more education about it in schools. More comprehensive sex ed instead of just how to put a condom on a fucking banana.

full gallery on facebook

please contact us if you would like to be involved

#lgbt #lgbtqiaplus #thequeerlook #the queer look #fashion #photography #couple #cute #girls #portrait #interview #identity #culture #cat

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ubernoxa · 4 years ago

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The Token: A GNR FanFic

Chapter 4: The First Gig

Story Summary: Story inspired by the movie She’s the Man. A female Duff is tired of dealing with the bullshit of trying to make it on the strip as a female bassist.

Chapter Summary: Michelle is worried that Izzy will reveal her secret about her being Duff. Free coffee, and their first gig as Guns N’ Roses!

Masterlist

Taglist: @viralwolf02 @littlemisscare-all @smokeandmirrorz @aratbaby

Please let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list or if I forgot to add you. (I’m not the best with tag lists

Author’s Note: sorry this chapter is kinda long, but I didn’t want to beak it into two smaller chapters.

Chapter 4

I balanced the coffee as I quickly knocked on the door of the Hell House as the guys called it. Axl had arranged a band meeting for god knows what reason this morning before our first gig. As I peaked into the windows, I quickly realized there was no movement inside. So much for our morning meeting, the guys were probably still asleep.

Things had been going pretty well this past week, not to brag or anything. It was probably one of the more stressful weeks in my life with the pressure of a gig around the corner. Lucky for me most of songs were covers I had played before, and the guys helped me with any originals. I would be lying if I said Macy didn’t pound on my bedroom door telling me to stop in the middle of the night. She would always look at me like a crazy person when she told me to stop and quizzed me on why I wasn’t sleeping. I always shrugged and said I wanted to be ready for the gig. I didn’t want to let my band down; however, that was only part of the reason. I never told her about Izzy. It had been a week since Izzy had casually dropped the bomb that he knew that I was masquerading as a guy.Since that day he hasn’t brought it up. Even after spending over 8 hours a day practicing, he didn’t say a word about it. If we talked, it was about music or tweaks we could make to sound better. He was a good musician, he really had an ear for it. All of them did actually, I was lucky they chose me.

“Mornin,” I was met with a very tired Izzy. He held the door open for me as I walked in quickly realizing that there was no way we were going to have a meeting in a couple minutes.

I walked into the living room and set the coffees down on the nearest flat surface I could find. I felt a flash a relief flow through me as the drinks safely made it to their destination. I had spent the last Thierry minutes of my very boring shift making them.

“They’re labeled, I’m assuming you know what your name is?” I said before plopping down on the couch.

“Any reason for the...” Izzy gestured towards the coffee what was sitting on the table nearby.

“Michelle was working this morning and wanted to treat the band with something nice because morning meetings suck...especially if Axl arranged the meeting,” I causally responded trying to keep up my act.

“Is she coming to the gig tonight? I’d love to thank her in person,” I rolled my eyes at his comment and sent him my best ‘are you serious look?’ earning a quiet chuckle from him.

I watched from the corner of my eye to see if I got his order right. I watched as he smiled after taking the sip.

“How many people know?” His question shouldn’t have caught me off guard but it did none the less.

“Depends,” my answer was short in hopes that he would drop it. Inside the house where the rest of the band was currently sleeping wasn’t the ‘ideal’ place to have this conversation.

“Depends on what?”

“On how many people you have told.”

“I’ve told no one,” his answer caught me off guard as I raised a brow.

“Really? Not even your Indiana brother?” This earned another laugh from him as he shook his head no.

“Do people seriously call us that?”

“That’s how I was introduced to y’all. I believe it went something like ‘and those pair of dicks right there are Axl and Izzy. Don’t waste your words on them. The redhead will get pissy no matter what you say, and I highly doubt the other would even pay attention.” I took another sip remembering Derek from my last band Double Dead introducing them to me them as if I hadn’t known who Izzy and Axl were. After a while on the strip you learn who’s who rather quickly. The main question was if what you learn about a person was the truth. Word of mouth was a dangerous thing

“Wow that’s harsh,” part of me felt bad for Izzy and I honestly should have left that out the last part.

“Well that’s when I was apart Double Dead, which looking back was a shifty band name. If I remembered correctly later that evening after the gig you guys beat the living shout out of my band,” I couldn’t help but check at how much of a train wreck that night was.

“That was the night you got me good with your bass!” I smiled as his laughed quickly joined mine.

“So you did recognize my bass! It was the dent wasn’t it?”

“How could I forget the bass that got me in the side of the head. Not every day does a chick beat you with her bass. Left a bruise for a month.”

“Well...in my defense I was aiming for Axl...sorry,” I felt bad remembering that night.

“No need to apologize, pretty sure Axl started the fight.”

“Little Axl Rose? Him? Noo....he would NEVER start a fight,” I teased back. It was moments like this regret flooded me. What if I came to them as Michelle instead of Duff? How different would things had been?

“What’s in this?” Izzy pulled me from my thoughts and back to reality as he spoke.

“Just like a magician, a barista never revels her secret,” I teased as I tried to hide the smile that was growing like a weed on my face.

My original plan was to make black coffee’s for everyone, but I knew Steven wouldn’t like it. Once I started making Steven’s, I thought why not make the rest of the guys a personal cup.

“You still mad at Axl?”

“No, why?” I turned my attention back towards Izzy as he spoke.

“The small cup, I’m assuming it’s for Axl because he called Michelle a mediocre bassist,” I shook my head and couldn’t help the laughter escape my lips.

“The small cup is for Steven. The last thing that boy needs is a lot of caffeine,” this time it was Izzy’s laughter that filled the room.

“If I....Michelle...wanted to mess with Axl, she would have put milk that was beyond spoiled and mixed in vanilla and berry flavors to mask it. It would give him the runs without knowing what caused it!” I stared in a matter of fact tone. I’m not saying it’s a prank I’ve pulled on my oldest sister, I’m just saying I didn’t not do it. Plus she had it coming.

His laughter filled the room again, “noted”

“What do we have here?” Slash asked looking at the coffee cups sitting on the table.

“Coffee, each of them are apparently different. Yours has your name on it,” Izzy said

“What’s mine?”

“Medium roast with cream,” I quickly responded earning a glare from Izzy.

“Not too bad,” he shrugged before joining us on the couches.

“How come he gets to know, but I don’t?” I had to mask the smile of my face with a shrug. He had made me feel like I was walking on glass, afraid he would tell the guys I’m actually a girl, all week. This wasn’t on the same level, but it made me feel like for once I had an upper hand. (Even though it was only coffee)

“I can’t remember? Plus Michelle is the one who made them anyway,” I raised my arms in defense never breaking eye contact.

“You dating her or some shit like that,” I watched as Izzy immediately took a sip of his coffee to hide his smirk.

“No, why?” I was frozen as I tried to understand his logic.

“Well she’s kinda acting like a groupie...”

“Who’s acting like a groupie?” Steven popped into the room like the morning sun.

“Michelle,” Izzy responded. I hated how much he was enjoying this. He was enjoying watching me squirm.

“Kinda tall, brunette, bassist, nice legs?” Slash asked with Steven quickly nodding.

I continued to drink my coffee wishing that I could turn invisible. This felt weird. I felt like I should leave the room or something.

“You should invite her to the gig tonight,” Steven’s heart was in the right place and what he was trying to do was sweet, but I wanted him the shut the fuck up. There was a small logistics problem with Duff inviting Michelle to the gig.

“Yeah! We can thank her for the coffee after the gig,” I glared at Izzy as he spoke. He was enjoying this. That bastard...

“I doubt she’ll come,” I shot back at Izzy.

“Who won’t come?,” by now Axl had finally made it down to the living room. He quickly grabbed the last coffee. Why the hell was everyone waking up NOW.

“Michelle, the bassist” I shot back.

I watched as a smirk formed on his face before he took a quick sip of his coffee, “Yeah, she ain’t coming. She’ll probably avoid Guns N’ Roses like the plague. Especially after what happened with Pixie and Double Dead.”

I prayed he wouldn’t elaborate what happened with Pixie. He could talk about Double Dead all he wanted. Pixie though, Pixie was another story.

————————-

“Stop being such a girl Duff, your hair looks fine,” I sent Izzy a glare from across the room. I could tell he was all too happy with his comment. That bastard had been teasing me all week, and aI was getting sick and tired of it.

“If anyone is the girl here it’s Axl,”

“It’s called Glam Slash!” By now Axl was standing where I was only moments ago applying some additional eyeshadow.

“How many cans of hairspray did you have to steal to get your hair to stick like that,” Izzy said above the laughter.

Axl’s hair resembled a lion’s mane. It was impressive and I was beyond jealous. I wished I hadn’t cut off most of my hair, so I could recreate his hairstyle.

“You’re just jealous! Chicks dig the big hair!” He shot back at Izzy.

“He’s not wrong,” I couldn’t help but smirk as I spoke, my voice barely auditable over the noise of the bar. Izzy just rolled his eyes and went back to messing with his guitars.

“You’re on in 5,” a man yelled into our tiny room causing all of my nerves to flood my body. That’s when I realized it had been months since I had performed on stage. I could already feel my palms getting sweaty as I sat down next to Steven. I could feel him watching me as I wiped my hands against my pants.

I felt him pat my back causing me to look up at him. “No need to be nervous. You’ll kick ass out there.”

I sent him a fake smile which he obviously didn’t by. “Dude, Duff, you’ll be fine. Plus it’s always good to be nervous!”

“Why would I want to be nervous? That’s when you make mistakes?” I shot back. Steven is a great guy, but sometimes I don’t understand what he’s getting at.

“Being nervous just means you care. Plus it’s your first show on the strip! You’ll love it! The energy is incomparable!” There was some sort of sparkle in Steven’s eyes that was uplifting. It was like a child talking about all of the candy they got on Halloween.

“Here,” I looked up to Izzy who handed me a shot.

“It will help, and if it doesn’t we have plenty more,” I nodded and took the shot from him and held back a cough as the burn traveled down my throat.

I earned a cheer from Steven and Slash passed me my bass.

“Alright boys lets go kick some ass and show them a show they won’t forget!” Axl yelled right before they walked onto the stage.

And kick ass we did! Despite Axl hating snakes, his dancing reminded me of some type of rattlesnake. It was pretty entertaining to watch, but Slash running around the stage like a mad man was even better. After our third song in the set, I quickly followed Slash’s insanity. The entire performance felt like a breath of fresh air, and the moment I stepped off of the stage I wanted to get right back up there. It just felt right. We clicked. I had lost tracks of the amount of times I have performed on a stage, but I have NEVER felt anything like I felt tonight. This was something special. Maybe this was the band that would make it. Maybe?

Steven raised a bottle of god know what and cheered, “To Duff, no longer a Sunset Strip virgin.” Cheering and laughter filled the room as he spoke. I knew what he was getting at, but there were thousands of better ways to phrase it.

“I’m gonna go for a smoke,” I said before stumbling towards the door. The air outside was more refreshing than the cold beer and vodka I had been drinking since the gig was over.

“Congrats,” I turned to see Izzy standing in the doorway.

“Same to you,” I smiled.

“Well I wasn’t a Sunset Strip virgin before the show so...” I glared at Izzy only for a second before I join in his laughter at what Steven had said earlier.

“How much has he had to drink? Because I don’t think he thought that last sentence through,” I joked back.

“Good thing you aren’t a girl; otherwise, his statement would have been taken into an entirely different context. Very inappropriate,” Izzy cooly replied earning a small chuckle from me. Guy’s minds are all the same.

“I was worried Steven was going to fall out of his seat while he was playing earlier,” I said in hopes of changing the subject.

“That’s popcorn for ya!” He offered me a smile before he went back to smoking.

After several moments of uncomfortable silence, I added “And for someone who hates snakes, Axl sure dances like one.”

Izzy nodded apparently keen on not wanting to have a conversation. Fine then, awkward silence it was. I still needed the fresh air to help me sober up a little. I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds of the strip and the refreshing cold air.

“You never answered my question earlier,” Izzy stared snapping me back.

“Which one?”

“The one about who knows about your secret,” he replied earning a small ‘ohhh’ from me.

“At least four people know. You, Macy, Walter, and Betsie,” I replied.

“How’d Betsie find out?”

“She saw my face,” I shrugged as I spoke to him. It was inevitable. I was originally hoping I could hide behind my hair, but Macy cut it just a tad too short, so I was wearing sunglasses.

“You do have a unique face,” I shot him a confused look. Was that supposed to be a compliment or insult? I just shook my head and decided against pressing further.

“So what’s the plan?” I turned to Izzy as he once again broke the silence and pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Plan for what?”

“You can’t remain a guy forever. You’re a chick, eventually you’re going to have to reveal that,” he turned towards me as he stomped out his cigarettes

“When we get our record deal or first tour.”

“When? Wow someone’s getting cocky,” Izzy shot back.

“Did you feel it?” My voice was barely louder than a mouse as I spoke.

“Feel what?”

“I don’t know Izzy, it’s hard to describe. But when we were playing I felt something. Yeah, we had a small crowd, but I felt something I’ve never felt before!”

“Yeah, I felt it too, but be careful we already have one cocky bastard in the band, we don’t need a second.”

“Yeah...yeah...”

More silence followed.

“Is it weird, preforming as Duff?”

I sent Izzy a small smiled and shook my head yes.

“It’s like a mask I put on. When I’m on stage playing, I’m always Michelle. There is no changing who I am inside. Whenever I look in the mirror or play Guns N’ Roses songs it feels weird. Guns an’ Roses is Duff’s,” I took relief as I said those words out loud.

“I like your hair by the way. The brown part that you didn’t dye, it’s kinda poetic. Even though you put on this show that you’re Duff, Michelle is still there,” Izzy said before turning to head back inside.

“Hey Iz, how do you think the guys would react if I told them....” my heart sunk the moment my eyes met his.

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whence-the-woody · 4 years ago

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Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting.

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle.

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one.

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference.

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good.

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU.

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois.

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces.

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT.

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit.

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid.

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow.

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good.

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT

#supernatural #me #ranty #we achieved nothing with this ep yet I have THOUGHTS #finale

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zukofenty · 5 years ago

Text

Day 4: bad decisions

➜ The one where Katara (might) be in love with the campus drug dealer.

“So why won’t you go out with me? Is it because I’m a drug dealer?” Zuko’s mad, twisting the rings on his fingers while impatiently waiting on her answer.

“Not exactly,” Katara quips, averting her eyes from his fiery gaze. “It’s mainly because you don’t tip when we go out to eat.”

➜ Genre: Modern!AU, humor, teeny bit of angst, DrugDealer!Zuko

➜ Words: 5.3k

➜ Warnings: I love DrugDealer!Zuko more than I love myself 😩

AO3, Zutara Month Playlist, @zutaramonth hi i love u!

➜ Notes: hehe listen to “Bad Decisions” by Miss Ari! life changing!

“Zuko’s dead? ” Katara nearly screams into the phone. She pulls on one of his hoodies and is scrambling to find her slides and keys.

Toph sighs. “We all knew this would happen. The sky’s blue, Beyonce needs to stop forcing her boyfriend on us. Basic facts. Get it together , Katara.”

“Toph, how does your disdain for Jay-Z make it into every conversation you have?” Suki wearily states. “All we know is that a dealer got shot near the frats today. So in conclusion, Zuko’s dead.”

“Donezo.”

“Bitch is gone .”

“God bless his beautiful ass.”

“A moment of silence for his fake Chanel blouses.”

Katara does her breathing exercises. “ Enough .” She hears a knock at the door, and immediately grabs her expandable baton. “Oh my god , someone’s at the door.” She whips out the baton to its full length.

Toph gasps. “Bitch, it’s 2 in the fucking morning. Are we getting a two for one deal tonight?”

Suki cheers. “I call dibs on her Fenty highlighters.”

“Oh hell fucking no ! You do not have the range for Trophy Wife, whore!” Toph shouts right into the microphone. Katara winces, and takes out an Airpod. She’s heaving, nervous at who could be at the door. Toph and Suki were trying to negotiate with each other on who was getting Katara’s brand new Hydrating Foundation when she takes an experimental glance out the peephole. Her gasp reverberates through the phone.

“She’s died, Suki! She’s died!” Toph wails, her screams nearly unintelligible.

“ Zuko? ” Katara screeches at the top of her lungs, launching herself at him so violently her other Airpod pops out.

He chuckles when she locks her legs around his waist, his arms coming out to support her from underneath her ass. It’s domestic, and he relishes in the attention. “Hello to you, too.” She’s smiling at him and it’s beautiful and soft and everything he wanted to see after the shitty night he’s had. Dealing in college was an easy route to Balenciaga and bitches. Everyone did it, it was as easy as catching HPV at your school. Yet, Zhao, the Kingpin of dealers, just had to get his side-chick pregnant and then just had to get shot by his girlfriend. Even if he did get shot up because he was a slut (#FreeZhao), the campus dean had called the cops and was in the process of launching an extensive campaign to fuck up any current dealers. Even if you possess the slightest hint of addy for your ADHD, you still had to haul your ass to the campus police station. It wasn’t fair though. Coke is what makes college campuses around the world run as smoothly as they do.

“You promised me you’d stop,” she’s murmuring in his ear, curled up beside him in her cramped twin bed. Her roommates went back home for the weekend, so it makes it just that much easier to pretend you two could be like this. Lost in the sheets, hopelessly in love with her head on his chest.

“If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t have been able to get you this,” Zuko whispers in her hair. He slides a ring on her finger and she smiles lazily back at him, placing a tender kiss on his cheek. God, is this what love feels like? If she accidentally got pregnant with Zuko’s spawn she wouldn’t immediately reach for Plan B? The ring was a simple thing, just plain silver because she wanted one to be “edgy,” obsessed with rings after playing with the handful that adorn Zuko’s fingers. After making sure she was sound asleep, he lets himself smile. Finally , he’s getting somewhere with her.

Seemingly a too perfect, impenetrable forest, he’s finding himself finally being let into her world. As corny and lovesick it sounded, Zuko understood how easy it was to love someone when he laid eyes on you. All those damn John Green books were right, he begrudgingly admits ( Eat shit John Green.) She truly could not do one wrong thing in his eyes, her soft giggles as she attempted to explain commas and semicolons and gerunds or whatever the fuck he doesn’t quite remember because he was busy being infatuated and trying to make her laugh. They’d met freshman year, and have remained in this weird limbo ever since. Where he would call her to remind her to eat when she was stressed, and he could plant kisses in her hair when he’s showing up to her apartment at night, cuddling her without her pulling away because it always felt right. At the same time, Katara felt so unattainable, so out of reach. It’s never progressed past simple, flirtatious touches. Yet, being with her feels different than any other relationship he’s been in, as though his heart was permanently and solely hers.

It was easy to fall in love. Katara was so kind, yet so dead set in her ways. Never detracting her focus from school, she had no time for anything else in her life. Her older brother Sokka had raised her when their parents had disappeared shortly after producing the “accident” child. They handed Katara off to him, who hadn’t spoken to them in years. While Sokka was in college and attempting to care for Katara at the same time, he had struck gold with recording labels interested in his music producing work. Soon, he was making songs you could regularly hear on the radio and not just on Soundcloud, and the royalties were ensuring Katara got the best. The best schools, clothes, life. Even if her brother was obsessed with flexing his regular Bugatti purchases on Instagram, she wasn’t nearly as preoccupied. She was always in oversized hoodies that once upon a time ago belonged to Sokka before he decided on dressing like a 30 year old hypebeast Instagrammer still trying to hold onto their youth. Always volunteering her time and doing things rich people had time to do to make themselves feel good about their tax breaks.

It made Zuko feel jealous in a sense, with his uncle struggling to make ends meet his whole life. He ran a small fried chicken and tea shop (Iroh was convinced about this combo) in his neighborhood, and he hated to admit that he was ashamed. That he dreamed of shoving Chanel anything up his ass. He would take the perfume sample cards from the mall that said Givenchy , pinning it to his wall as inspiration for what he would buy in the future. It didn’t make sense to him, when Katara had all this money and couldn’t care less. She penny pinched when she didn’t need to, wore clothes from Forever 21, as though Sokka wouldn’t drop thousands for the Fendi boots she always talked about.

“Damnit, you’re dick sick, aren’t you?” Toph sends her a look that screamed pity. Katara tried to fix the frown, but her eyes always revealed everything. So she nods in agreement, and Toph wraps her up in her arms. Zuko had invited her and Toph to a quote unquote “exclusive party” thrown by the rich kids whose parents owned the university. The Olivia Jades of the world. Schmoney shmoney . It didn’t help that she felt so out of place, circling all throughout the frat house before settling on the cleanest couch near the one window that wasn’t broken. She wanted to be a part of Zuko’s world for a night, see where he was disappearing to on the weekends.

Although Toph spent the better part of the evening prepping her hoe fit, Katara stuck to an uneventful long t shirt (Zuko’s shirt, of course) paired with thigh high boots. She had planned on only staying half an hour, tops. She didn’t drink, smoke, it just wasn’t her thing. Her worst fear was contracting herpes from a wax pen. Even when she was a college freshman and people were busy coming back upchucking all over the communal dorm bathroom, she instead dutifully held hair back, and changed drunk girls’ clothes. She quickly learned the tricks of the trade after cleaning up Sokka’s messy weekend self during his quarter life crisis phase. Admittedly, she was boring . So, she reasoned 30 minutes gave her enough time to walk around the place and see Zuko schmoozing with rich kids, and then leave to have enough time to do her skincare before bed.

“More like sick. He deals coke now! Coke! That’s a prison drug, ma’am. The real deal,” she whimpers into her tits. She had caught Zuko in one of the trust fund babies’ enormous rooms in the frat house, daddy’s credit cards and student IDs out and about with lines of something she’d only seen in movies. Since all the dealers were on the low with the campus crackdown, and since it was midterms season, the demand amongst the student population was unbelievably high. Zuko was the only brave stupid enough to keep selling. Katara had burst into the room to alert Zuko that Toph and her were about to make a dramatic exit without him to go back to her place and watch John Tucker Must Die instead of studying.

She had expected a lot of things, hell even coke (maybe). What she didn’t anticipate was seeing a girl in Zuko’s lap, kissing up his neck, wearing practically nothing. He had an assertive hand on her thigh, massaging it, manhandling her like Katara wished he would do with her. He’s talking and acting like he belonged with the assholes of your school. Like he wasn’t the gentle guy who Katara always saw in sweats always talking about his half sister, or memories of his uncle’s restaurant. She had made eye contact with him and promptly shut the door, feeling as though her heart would burst any second now.

So Toph and Katara go back to her place, calling up Suki who Ubers over, ready to rag on her (sort of) mans. Both Toph and her were in Suki’s t shirts that she “gave” to the duo. Both girls ignore her protests when she shows up and demands for them back. “Hey, that is premium Aliexpress Yeezus Tour shirts! They don’t sell fakes like these anymore!”

Katara was eating Target generic brand ice cream out the container, her heartbreak palpable, especially to Toph. The two girls were best friends after becoming roommates freshman year. Katara’s a sweet thing, too sweet in Toph’s opinion. Always remembering little things, people’s birthdays or favorite brand of instant Udon packages. She was always the one defending Toph against those who found it too easy to take advantage of her. Toph, in turn, was always there to mend her big heart after no one remembered her birthday freshman year. In many ways, Katara won a permanent place in Toph’s heart. She was always the one showing up to her dance performances, even if they were a two hour bus ride away. Always making sure to take off her makeup after recitals when she was too tired to move. It hurt her to see Katara like this, in pain.

“All I’m saying is that he uses you to play house. It’s time to cut the cord. Don’t be Beyonce, don’t keep letting a man bring down your worth. Plus, you don’t have the range to come out with Lemonade in the middle of all this heartbreak and betrayal.”

She scoops Vanilla bean into her mouth, eyes downcast. “What do you mean? Just because he comes here and sleeps over all the time?” She settles her head in Toph’s lap when she sees Suki begin to straighten her back, prepping for the rant she was about to deliver.

“Katara, sweet, pure, virginal Katara.”

“Hey!” Katara yelps.

“I’m going to be honest with you, and it’s going to hurt. Like pap smear at the gyno hurt.” Katara nods, interest piqued. “Do you see you on his Instagram? Do you? Any posts, any tagging done when I know you took this photo of this overpriced matcha soy latte?” Suki tries her hardest not to break her tough girl role when she sees hersad fucking eyes. Why are they built like that? Like she could break her heart with just a watery glance? “Tell me, who do you see on Zuko’s Instagram and Snapchat?”

“Hotgirls,” she jumbles the words in her haste.

“Louder!” Suki shouts.

“ Hot. Girls. ” she admitted defeat. Toph strokes her hair gently to try to comfort her.

“That’s the thing with guys like Zuko, ok? They want the hottest girls on campus to suck and fuck, but they’re even more cruel with girls like you. Girls who are meant for dating to marry and cute gender reveal parties and pastels and shit. He knows that you guys aren’t meant to be together, the universe says so. But he’ll still play with your feelings because he likes pretending he deserves you. Pretending that in this world, girls like you and guys like him can be together and make it work.”

Katara’s jolting her head out of Toph’s lap in protest. “Well, what if I want to be a slut? What if I want to be the kind of girl that Zuko wants?” She was tired of being the cute girl who looks like she goes to volunteer at the community center regularly and is destined for some picket fence with a balding, accountant husband and loud, undisciplined kids. She wanted sex, hell she wanted to wear skimpy clothes without worrying what Zuko was going to think about how her tits looked, or if her pants showed enough of her ass to be considered hoe. Katara wanted the confidence of those girls Zuko would put on his social media, she wanted to be them. Being with Zuko felt like being with someone who got her, and she liked, hell loved the attention he gave her. As though she felt pretty, and not adorable. He was someone she just couldn’t get out of her head, someone that was so dangerous to her because she was feeling herself change for him. Is it wrong that she liked it? The way he called her gorgeous when he comes over, or how he lazily grinds against her ass when he’s half-asleep, hands on her hips grounding her.

Suki squeezes her chipmunk cheeks between her musty hands, and interrupts Katara’s protest about an acne breakout. “Even if you try changing everything about you to become exactly what he wants, do you really think he’s going to treat you the same when it isn’t on the down low?”

Ouch.

Suki’s honesty still stings, but it was the cold hard truth. She was willing to change herself, be someone for a guy promising her trips to Paris when he could never meet when the sun was up. Suki’s words hurt as bad as the dress Toph was squeezing you into. “You wanted slutty, I’m giving you waist trainer, Insta model slutty!” She had convinced Katara to go on a date with some guy who was “perfect” for her. Code for boring, she was sure of it. Probably an engineering major who didn’t know how Twitter worked.

Even with all of Toph’s efforts, Katara decided all the shapewear in the world wasn’t going to contain her “post depression ice cream for all three meals” belly. So, she decided to keep it simple with her “knock-off Ariana” outfit as she calls it. Pairing just a pair of thigh high boots with a long sweatshirt.

“Look, I know you secretly get off to the thrill of dating a lame drug dealer, knowing the cops could bust down your door and cause a scene at your apartment. I know you live for the drama. But I promise, this guy will be good for you. Let’s just have fun for one night. Please put the dress back on? I know you haven’t washed that hoodie in a week,” Toph pleads with Katara.

She just rolled her eyes while Toph reapplied a layer of gloss to Katara’s lips. Deep down, she just knew in her heart there was no getting over Zuko. At least immediately. But, it didn’t hurt that Jet was cute, harmless fun. He was taking her out to a diner near her apartment, frequented by students at their college deluded by the aesthetic photo ops, and not too concerned about how the restaurant was serving up microwaved Mac n cheese. He showed up looking exactly like his Instagram photos and in a well ironed H&M button up. She could feel Toph hiding behind her futon, snapping clandestine photos for Suki, who was in the bathroom with the Taco Bell shits.

“ How dare you?! ” Jet screeches, dropping a cold fry in disbelief. “You’ve never watched anime?”

“Ok, a scream was not what I was expecting. I just asked if Teen Titans counted. Sue me.” Katara’s laughing, and hates to admit that it was fun being with Jet. He’s nerdy and sweet and most importantly so, so tall. A good guy.

“It doesn’t! ” he huffs petulantly.

Katara juts out her lip. “How can you ever forgive me?”

“Hmm. I guess a second date. Maybe an anime sesh will have to do. Your place, and we’re pulling an all nighter.”

“Why not your place?” she questions.

“I live in a living room, and I don’t have a mattress. But why not? My place it is!” His aggressive thumbs up makes her laugh so hard it sends her into a choking fit.

“So, we’re watching Teen Titans first, right?” she teases, pounding at her chest to stop the coughs.

His smile reaches his eyes. “You know, I was kinda scared going out with you tonight. No offense, but you have, like, no pictures on your social media. All Toph promised me was ‘you’re really pretty and heartbroken as well. ’ And, not to try to win any brownie points on this date, but I have to agree, you’re really pretty.” Katara rolls her eyes, and he blushes.

“I was expecting something along the lines of ‘ Goddess like,’ but I guess ‘really pretty’ works, too.” She’s laughing along with his obnoxious giggles, and she feels almost lighthearted. Not quite ready to fall in love again, but considering the possibility. “Let me guess, she cheated on you?”

“Worse. Walked in on her with...drumroll please!” Katara lightly began drumming her fingers on the dining table. “You guessed it! My brother!” he sheepishly admits, bringing out the jazz hands and everything to emphasize his point.

She audibly gasps. “That’s some Kdrama shit right there! Please tell me you started a fist fight with him, kicked a nut or two.”

“Nah, I had an essay due. No time for that shit, you know? I just shut the door, banged out my paper, and haven’t spoken to either of them in about four months.”

She takes a sip of her milkshake. “That’s healthy!” Jet tilts his shake in Katara’s direction in agreement, before taking a long gulp from the cup.

He quirks a perfectly shaped brow towards her. “So, let me guess. Your guy saved his side chick’s name as Chick-fil-a in his phone, you found out and tried to strangle him with his belt, and he pressed charges?”

“Oddly specific, but sadly no. Let’s just say he had the biggest heart. Big enough for bitches on the side as well.” Jet makes a grunt in disapproval. “It wasn’t like I could be mad, anyways. We weren’t in anything official. But it felt like it could’ve been something, you know?”

It was like an unspoken agreement, an energy that the two felt when they met each other. A “my heart was just shattered into a billion pieces but hopefully a rebound will lessen the pain just for two hours tonight” kind of vibe. It felt good with Jet, like the two of you guys had known each other forever. He serves her with corny joke after joke, and she lets herself laugh. She hated being around men, and besides, Sokka threatened any that even made eye contact with her for longer than 20 seconds. Aside from Sokka, Zuko, and Aang, the kid she babysat, Katara was afraid to let any other men in her life. Three was already enough emotional labor.

They both go out for boba afterwards, and Jet makes sure to pay for their drinksand then drop his change into the tip jar. He knows that Katara swoons immediately. It always works. That’s why 30 minutes later, she’s slamming him into her futon. Soon after, he’s shirtless, pressing at her core with impatient fingers. She’s grinding helplessly in his lap, his moans egging her on. He insisted she keep the boots on.

“I was not raised to leave my shoes on in the house. That’s just vile ,” she protested. Jet silences her with a gentle kiss, and a press of his throbbing cock against her.

“Please, baby. Make an exception for me tonight,” he whispers against her lips. Her shorts and underwear are suddenly missing. When the fuck did he do that? She’s dizzy and horny and so full when he starts fingering her. His fingers so fucking long and is making her whimper and ready to have his kids. She closes her eyes because staring at Jet’s fucked out ones made her want to combust. She was focusing on the feeling of being stuffed while trying to tamp down on the fear of losing her virginity, because that seemed like the logical course of action with how the night was playing out. Damnit, what if it hurts like a pap smear ? She thinks pathetically. In the middle of all her inner monologues, she’s suddenly shoved off of Jet’s warm body, tumbling on the ground. She opens her eyes to see Zuko pummeling Jet to a pulp.

“Not the face, Zuko! Not the fucking face! He’s too pretty for this!” Katara yelps, shoving Zuko’s muscular frame off of Jet. Jet sends her a sad smile before slipping his shirt over his head and heading out the door.

She’s fuming, too angry, too confused. “What the fuck was that ?” She’s at maximum screech levels tonight, much to her neighbor’s dismay.

“You tell me!” Zuko cards his hands through his hair. “You’re fucking some other guy? Don’t know if you’ve forgotten, Katara. But this,” he gestures between the two of them. “Did you forget about us? Forget about me? What the fuck?”

“Hold up, Walter White.” She’s sticking a hand out in his face. “We are a situationship, at best. Don’t you dare accuse me of whoring around when we aren’t even official.”

“I thought what we had, what we were...I don’t know? It’s different,” Zuko rubs at his neck awkwardly. “Did you not feel the same way? Why do you care about all these labels all of a sudden? Why didn’t you fucking tell me you wanted us to make it official?”

“It’s because you’re supposed to know! You’re supposed to know that I hate what you do, that I hate loving you, because it hurts me.”

“So why won’t you go out with me? Is it because I’m a drug dealer?” Zuko’s mad, twisting the rings on his fingers while impatiently waiting on her answer.

“Not exactly,” Katara quips, averting her eyes from his fiery gaze. “It’s mainly because you don’t tip when we go out to eat.”

“Bullshit!” he howls.

“You need to tip at least 20%!”

“Katara.” He takes a deep breath in. “Why don’t we just make this official?”

She’s worrying at her lip. Trying desperately to remember the breathing exercises her therapist had recommended before she started crying and did something crazy like suck his dick because he looked hot when he was angry. “Zuko, as much as you’d like to keep pretending that we could ever be a thing, I can’t. I can’t keep holding onto this fucking unrealistic dream. These unrealistic expectations! What do you want me to do? Pray for the day you get bored of dealing or hanging out with the rich kids or making out with sorority girls so you could come back to me at night? Because I’m fucking pathetic and let you back every single time?”

She sees him spluttering, trying to desperately hold onto a solid response that could sway her decision. “Katara, you know how much I care about you. But you would never get it! You would never get someone like me!”

She scoffs. “Try me. What don’t I get about you, Zuko?”

“That being with those people, and dealing makes me feel like more than just a poor kid with no parents and no fucking future.” Zuko huffs out the confession as though he was holding it in for a millenium.

“I get it, ok I understand but-”

Zuko steps back from her, as though she’s slapped him straight across the face. “No, Katara. You don’t. You don’t fucking get it. You get to cosplay as poor. Pretend that you have to budget when Sokka could easily handle everything if things go wrong.”

Katara’s angry, angry at herself. For hurting Zuko with her careless words, for looking so fucking stupid. “Ok, fine. You’re right.” She surprises even herself at her confession. "I don’t get it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be fucking worried about you? That I’m terrified about what could go wrong? One wrong move and you could fucking die! You think the dean is going to let any of those rich assholes take the fall for anything? No, they’re going to blame it on the disposable kid on Financial Aid,” she wails at the top of her lungs.

She searches his eyes for any understanding, for any reaction to what she was saying. His jaw is set in a determined look, the kind of look she knew was unwavering, was unable to be changed no matter what. She sucks in a breath of air, praying for any sort of strength. “How about you do you, and I do me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Zuko squeezes out. He’s rushing out the door, slamming it on his way out.

“I knew I could smell the cock on you! You rode that dick like a stolen car, didn’t you?” Suki bellows, cackling.

“Please, I will fucking block you,” Katara wearily threatens, without any might behind it. She’s, predictably, in one of Zuko’s old t shirts from when he played soccer in high school, slapping on moisturizer before she could retire to bed. “Zuko stopped anything from happening when he came in and went 'New York after Hottie said she looked like Beyonce' on his ass.

Toph grunts over the line. “So what’s the deal with you guys? He’s dealing you drugs and dick now? You’re fucking the weed man for weed? Or are you fucking the dick man for dick? At least you’re not fucking the tweet man for tweets.”

Katara pauses in patting in the cream on her face. “How does this make any sense to you? Like do you not hear yourself speak?”

“It makes perfect sense to me, slut.”

Suki jumps in before low blows could be dealt and the girls start making fun of each others foundation not matching. “You know what, I bet Zuko’s selling whole ass cilantro and/or oregano and no one says anything because he’s fine.”

Katara pauses in applying her lip balm, a call from Zuko popping up threatening to end her call with her girls. “Zuko’s calling?” she questions.

“This late?” Toph is in between bites of her pepperoni Hot Pocket.

Suki sighs. “Listen, Katara. Girls don’t win when it comes to love, we never win. Maybe you should take a break from all this Zuko mess, and I don’t know. Pick up a hobby. Go back to therapy.”

But Katara knew something was wrong. She could sense it, just feel it inside her. Something was inherently wrong. As though the universe was whispering this to her, pleading with her to listen. “I’ll call you guys back, ok?”

“This is the future Stephanie Meyer wanted. For girls to be pathetically in love with pale, emo guys,” Toph miserably whimpers after Katara leaves their call.

Katara heart felt like it could fall out of her ass and then jump back in her mouth with how loudly it was beating. She’s running, clad in only the t shirt and her slides. They were threatening to slip off at any second from how fast her feet were forcing them to pound at the pavement. Word of the wise, don’t fucking run in slides.

“Don’t fucking hurt him!” She screams, expandable baton whipped out and ready to pummel any bitch dumb enough to hurt Zuko while she’s around. A few guys were standing around Zuko’s limp body, about to lay another painful blow against his bruised visage when she starts wildly beating them with her baton. She’s shrieking at the top of her lungs, scaring them enough for all of them to disperse. They all ran off before they had to deal with whatever the fuck Katara was doing. Crazy wasn’t in their agenda that night, only beating up good looking dealers.

“Oh, Zuko.” Katara immediately lets go of the weapon, dropping down to her knees to look at him.

Turns out, everyone wants a shot at the king.

She sits herself down and gently cradles Zuko’s head in between her hands before placing it in her lap. He closes his eyes and musters the strength to give her a small smile.

“Thank you, Katara.” She’s trying her best to hold back her tears. The gravel is scraping unforgivably against her legs, the cold causing her throat to begin to itch. She’s shivering as she types in “911.”

Zuko lifts a battered arm to swat quickly at her fingers. “Can we just Uber to the hospital? I don’t want to drop two racks on an ambulance.”

“Zuko!” Katara squeals. It works, he’s got her to smile in spite of all the drama, all the tears. It’s so easy for them to be like this together. Just enjoying the moment, just being themselves. “You know, I’m sorry for ever saying you look like an angry snake. You still do, but I’m sorry.”

“I hate you,” he says without any commitment to the spite.

“You don’t.”

“I know.” He lets her finish ordering the Uber before speaking again. “I love you.”

She runs her fingers in his hair. “I know.”

“Say it back, please?” He has the audacity to pout despite being beaten nearly half to death.

“I’m scared,” she can’t bring herself to break eye contact with his intense gaze.

“I know.”

“Zuko! What happened?” Iroh’s running as fast as he can, still clad in his sleepwear. He sees the pretty girl that the nurses warned has refused to leave the boy’s side for the past few hours, never letting go of his hand. She’s even had the gall to snap the nurses who would show up to their shift a few minutes late.

He sees his nephew rub comforting circles in the girls’ hand with his thumb, looking at her before he could make eye contact with his uncle. Right when he’s about to say something, he’s interrupted.

“He was protecting me. We were walking in a bad part of town because I really wanted to get ice cream, and...we got mugged.” She finishes lamely, whispering the last few words. “They hit him first and then were trying to steal my purse. They got even more mad when he started yelling ‘don’t hurt her!’ He jumped in front of me before they could do anything.”

The two share a look and a smile. Zuko’s grip on Katara’s hand grows impossibly tigther.

#zutara #zutara fanfiction #day 4 zutara month #katara #Zuko #zuko x katara #zutaramonth #zutarafic

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winchester-with-wings · 5 years ago

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It’s All Just a Cover - END

How It Should’ve Ended (the outline)

It’s All Just a Cover has come to an end. This was my first ever series and the story was so dang ambitious that I don’t think I ever could’ve finished it, at least in a short enough time frame where I’d still have readers interested in the story. And it’s such a shame too because I had a lot of plans for the series. A bunch of drama! But a little while back, someone reported the story on AO3 as violating copyright because of the songs in the fics, because I used so much of the lyrics. I get that. It was never my intention though. So I took it down from AO3 and figured this was the sign that the series should end.

But I didn’t want to leave anyone, at least myself...hanging. Rather than it being one of those series that just gets abandoned, I wanted to at least bring it to a close. Tell you how the story would’ve gone on.

cover art by @scarlet-soldier-in-an-impala Hope you’re doing well!

SERIES MASTERLIST / YOUTUBE MASTERLIST

Pairings: Rockstar!Reader x Dean, Rockstar!Gabriel x Sam

Series Summary: You’re the lead singer in a popular cover band. Your brother Gabriel is the drummer with signature candy cane drumsticks. Balthazar is the sexed up guitarist and Gadreel is the band’s stone faced bassist and songwriter. And Castiel is the band’s manager. You’re content living the facade of a rockstar lifestyle, trying to get signed to major label. But then one night, Gabe invites Sam Winchester backstage and his brother Dean comes with. Over time, the older Winchester ultimately makes you reconsider who you are and what you want.

Beta: @autoblocked

Mobile Masterlist / Ko-Fi

Wanna get previews, early access and make exclusive requests? Become a Patron! You can follow my Patreon for free too as some stuff becomes public after a while. I’ll be adding a discord server benefit soon too!

Here we go!

Picking up right after Part 16.

You and Dean have confessed your love for one another.

The very same day you have rehearsal. Gabe is smitten with Sam and dedicates the song “Heat of the Moment” to him.

You’re not feeling good. You’ve got a sore throat and can’t sing that night. So you all convince Dean to sing some covers.

CUE all of those marvelous songs we’ve heard Jensen sing!

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/post/161250464921

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/rockstar+AU

http://winchester-with-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/rockstar-jensen

Once you’re feeling better, you continue singing at The Bunker.

The band gets signed by Abbadon’s record label! Even though they wanted to be signed by Crowley. Gadreel says they should take the deal instead of waiting around for Crowley’s record label.

Your ex-boyfriend, Michael comes to the show.

Michael is prissy and in line to be a CEO. He loved you but wanted you to stop singing and get a “real job.” He didn’t believe or support the band.

Before the show starts he finds you. He’s come back because he heard about the record deal. He sounds kind of like a gold digger.

When the show begins you’re seething with rage and play it out through the set list with songs like “Criticize” by Adelita’s Way and others.

You leave the stage abruptly because you’re getting overwhelmed like you’re about to have a panic attack. Dean gets through the crowd and gets backstage to comfort you.

You get back on stage and play it off like you’re fine and just performing. “You ever just have those people in your life, who think they’re all that and that you should be with them? This goes out to those assholes.”

You sing “It’s not you” by Halestorm.

Michael comes up to you at the end of the show and Dean’s at your side.

“Is this him?” Michael asks, smug. “What does he do for a living? Bartend?”

“Unlike you, Michael I don’t judge people by their occupation or passion,” you say.

“So, not even a bartender,” says Michael.

“I’m a mechanic,” Dean answers and you hate that Michael goaded him into standing up for himself.

“Dean, he’s not worth it. Let’s go home.”

“Oh, so I highballed you,” says Michael. “I see you’ve really come up in the world, now you’re the breadwinner.”

Dean punches him and they fight. Cas and Sam pull Dean off of Michael. Dean is pissed off that the man spoke to you like that and hurt you in the past. You’re over it quickly and have to calm him down. “It’s fine. I love you, Dean. I’m happier with you than I’ve ever been. Just forget about him.”

And that’s the last you hear about Michael.

SABRIEL: While the band records and tours, Sam and Gabe find time to be together, falling in love.

One night when you’re at Dean’s, Sam and Gabe come out of his room at the same time. Dean and you are surprised. Sam is shy and embarrassed and insists it was only sleeping. Gabe says he’s a gentleman. “It was all over the clothes stuff.” Dean groans and is grossed out. They really did keep their clothes on.

Dean suggests “We’re going to have set up a schedule or something because this is weird.”

Gabe and You say: “we have roommates”

Dean: “2 sets of siblings…”

You: “Gabe’s my step brother”

Dean: “...banging each other”

Gabe: “Hey! I don’t bang. I make love.” You and Gabe share a laugh and smile.

Dean: “I know it sounded weird but you know what I mean.” Sam gives him a bitch face.

Sam: “We didn’t do anything,” he insists

Dean gives him a “Really?” look because there’s a hickey on Sam’s neck. “At least maybe put a sock on the door.”

Gabe: “I keep my socks on.”

Dean gives him a really surprised and weirded out look and everyone laughs

On tour, tensions rise as Ruby tries to hook Sam on drugs. She’s already convinced you to give up the facade and actually live and partly like a rockstar with alcohol and drugs.

Cas warns you to be careful with this rockstar lifestyle because you’re using drugs and not maintaining your relationship with Dean, while getting too close to others.

At the end of the tour, Dean hasn’t heard from you in a while. He goes to your hotel and finds you with Pam and Jo--the way it looks is that you’ve been high and having sex with Jo and Pam and that’s true.

Dean confronts you. You say you’re a rockstar and he knew what he was getting into. But before you signed with Abaddon “It was all just a cover.” you only pretended to be a high and drunk rockstar. But now you’ve gone full tilt and he can’t be around that.

Dean breaks up with you and leaves.

Post break-up: You use Jo for emotional reasons and Pam for sexual.

You’re into a routine of using Pam as a booty call but we’d never see the sex, just the aftermath of you leaving Pam in bed and examining your body in the bathroom where you have hickeys and scratch marks.

You always thought that being with a woman was supposed to be more gentle but not when you’re with Pam apparently. The sex is good but it just feels like a bandaid or something that’s numbing the ache in your chest.

Hanging out with Jo means she lends you a shoulder as you admit that you miss Dean and that you fucked up and you feel terrible because you feel like you’re taking advantage of Jo. But Jo says it’s okay. That’s what friends are for, lending support after break ups. Jo offers to stay the night so you text Pam: “Nevermind. Don’t come over.”

You share a bed with Jo and start crying. Jo pulls you in close and holds you. When you’re no longer crying, and you’ve dozed off for a minute, you both wake up and Jo dares to kiss you and you respond but then pull back. “I’m sorry. I can’t use you like this. It’s not fair to you. I love Dean. I know I hurt him and he’ll probably never forgive me but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Being with Jo also reminds you of Dean so it’s tough to imagine being with her.

You continue on with your self-destructive relationship with Pam and drugs.

You’re in a motorcycle accident and hospitalized. Dean visits you in the hospital.

Cas helps you get clean.

Gabe and Sam are doing well and Gabe gets Sam a puppy--because obviously Sam deserves a puppy.

Sam tells you about how Dean is a wreck without you. Just works, eats, drinks, and sleeps.

Now that you’re clean the band tries to break the contract with Abbadon.

Sam finds a loophole in the contract.

But Gadreel leaves the band. He signs a solo deal with Abbadon. Metatron is his agent now, stealing him away from Castiel.

Castiel becomes the new bass player and they start playing back at Chuck’s club, The Bunker.

You beg for Dean’s forgiveness. You’re the one who screwed up and he didn’t deserve that.

You get back together.

Crowley comes around and signs them with a fair contract. You promise to stay clean.

END: Dean asks you to move in. Sam graduates and lives with Gabe who has asked Dean’s permission to propose. We have the promise of a happy future as Dean has his mother’s ring tucked away for the right moment.

------------

Tagging: @thinkwritexpress-official @autoblocked @talesoftheimpala @mrsbarry-allen-1031 @gryffindorable713 @therealcap @team-barry @lilyoflothlorien @littlemiss-annoying @whoopxd @shadowpriestess6 @overlyobsethed @so-get-this-i-need-pie @castihelloboys @jensen-ross-snackles @cheering-you-on @beautiful-and-strange @hcg87 @gracehappyfeet @havingfunenjoyinglife @dontsassmecastiel @your-worry-home @aprofoundbondwithdean @feelmyroarrrr @its-my-perky-nipples @oriona75 @mrswhozeewhatsis @faroutwinchester @xo-raven-xo-blog @book-loving--anime-chick

I know it’s been a crazy long time since this was updated and I don’t even know if some of these blogs are still active but hey, if you wanted a quick closure, here ya go. otherwise, feel free to ignore :) <3 Sarah

#my writing #dean winchester au #dean x reader #rockstar au #spn fanfic #spn series #spn au #supernatural au #dean winchester #sabriel #spn imagine #rockstar!au

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the--blackdahlia · 5 years ago

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Too Young to Fall in Love Chapter 11 (Dirt!Nikki x Reader)

Title: Too Young to Fall in Love 11

Summary: Nikki Sixx was a hard partying musician on the strip. He never expected to fall in love with anyone, until a girl knocked on his dressing room door looking for a ride home and took his breath away. Just like everything else Nikki did; the drugs, the money, the music; Nikki went hard with love. (Y/n) Bass never expected the bassist of Motley Crue to be the one to shake her calm and calculated life up. She had a plan. Graduate school, become an epic producer, and watch from behind the scenes as her brother’s band rose to fame. Nikki and (Y/n) were perfect for each other, too bad her brother, Tommy, didn’t think so.

Series warnings: Smut (18+ Please), drug use, language, referenced miscarriage, drug overdose, mentioned attempted suicide, out of character moments for everyone in the band, the timeline might be a little screwy but it’s fanfiction! I know nothing of music production and my medical knowledge is really screwy, so it won’t be accurate.

(Y/n) left her class the next morning, thinking about heading back home to take a nap when a pair of arms wrapped around her and picked her up.

“Look! You’re still a baby! I can pick you up!” Tommy teased.

“Put me down Thomas!” (Y/n) squirmed.

“Come on I want to talk to you and take you to….” he looked at his watch, “Brunch!”

“Well, I can walk to your car! People are going to think you’re kidnapping me!” (Y/n) struggled.

“Awwww, where the fun in that!” Tommy said as he put her down and pouted. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and got serious. “I need to talk to you, ok?”

“Are you pregnant?” (Y/n) said, smiling at him. “Okay, okay. Let’s go get something to eat. My treat?” She was used to Tommy never having any money, and when they did things, she was usually the one paying, since she had made herself get a job in high school.

Tommy helped her into his car and drove them to a local place that served brunch on the weekdays. Parking the car he helped her out and they were quickly seated when they get inside.

“So…. I haven't been the best big brother have I pipsqueak?” Tommy said as his fingers drummed on the table.

“Not really.” She admitted, twirling her spoon in her fingers like Tommy would do his sticks. “I kinda got used to it though. Like that time you told the kids from school I was a ghost that haunted the halls of our house…

Tommy began to snort, “That was….” she stopped and got serious. “That was very wrong of me and I’m sorry.”

“Forgive and forget.” She said, smiling at him. “Look Tommy, it’s okay. Siblings pick on each other, right? And like you said, I wasn’t a thought all the way through child…”

“But you are smart, and you are pretty and I was looking out for you.” Tommy grabbed the spoon and was playing with it just like she was. “I just don't want you to get treated the way I treat girls ok? I just… I know i’m not perfect but… I am not the poster boy for treating a girl right you know and… I don't want you to get hurt.”

“So, hypothetically, if I started going out with one of your bandmates, like Nikki, do you think he’d hurt me?” (Y/n) asked, leaning forward in her seat.

“Ok… one, NIkki is gaga over some chick and he seems to be into her and being a gentleman and shit… but…. he has his demons,” Tommy sighed.

“Oh, I see.” (Y/n) said. “Well, don’t worry. Vince and Mick aren’t my type and if Nikki’s taken...maybe I could set my eyes on that cutie in that brand new band that’s been playing the strip. Toxin? Venom? Oh! Poison!” She smirked when she saw Tommy’s eyes darken.

“(Y/n) please don’t… I won't be able to take my sweet.. Innocent.. SMART.. baby sister with rag tag groups that are worse than ours.”

They got their food and made small talk. Afterwards, Tommy took her for a walk, doing some window shopping. Not realizing that across the street, Mick and Vince were standing.

“She’s cheating on Nikki with Tommy?” Vince asked.

“Dumb ass, she’s his sister.” Mick groaned.

“Wait, what?” Vince looked at Mick. “I… huh?” Vince took a closer look. “Holy fucking shit!” Vince smacked Mick excitedly. “Tommy is going to flip when he finds out… does Nikki know?”

“I don’t think so.” Mick said. “Why don’t we take bets to see when he does? Whoever gets the closest wins.”

“You’re on!” Vince said shaking Micks hand.

“How long you give him?” Mick asked.

“I give them a month,” Vince shrugged. “How long do you give em?”

“I think Nikki’ll find out in a couple weeks. Tommy, it’ll take a month.” Mick told him.

“You are sooooo on,” Vince smiled. “Oh man this is going to be great to see…. Should we get popcorn?”

“And beer.” Mick laughed. “Come on. We got a gig tonight.”

“Hey, how many chicks do you think I can score with before we start the show?” he wiggled his eyebrow at Mick.

“I’m sure you’ll get all of them Vince.” Mick said, shaking his head.

“So, do you have a gig tonight?” (Y/n) asked, knowing the answer.

“OH YEAH! Oh (Y/n) you’ve got to come, and this time I won't ditch you I promise, I’ll introduce you to the guys!” Tommy smiled.

“Oh, I dunno…” (Y/n) said, a little nervous. “Won’t I cramp your style?”

“OK, look,” Tommy sighed. “You are cool, you know why? Because one, you have me for a brother. Two, you listen to awesome music. Three you’re going to school to be a music manager. Four, you play instruments that are really hard and that is cool.” Tommy took a breath. “Any guy who dates you is lucky and I hope they make you happy… or I start cutting off dicks.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll come by.” (Y/n) said. “Nessa might come too. Her, me, and Athena talked about seeing a show tonight. Might as well be yours.” She smirked at him.

“YES!” Tommy smiled. “I’m glad to see you happy though. Man I am way too sober for this. OK, so I’ll take you back to campus.” He looked around. “Anything you want? I have money!” Tommy smiled brightly.

“There’s a first time for everything.” (Y/n) smiled, heading back to campus with Tommy.

*********

The guys were backstage, getting ready for their gig. Nikki finished putting on his war paint while Vince stretched in his leather pants, Mick tuned his guitar, and Tommy drummed in the air.

“Your girlfriend here?” Mick asked Nikki without looking up.

“She said she was going to be here with her friend and sister,” Nikki shrugged. “I hope so… I really want to spend time with her man.” Nikki walked over to the counter and did his line closing his eyes. “Man, we have a meeting with the label and I just hate how they’re yanking our chain man.”

“Wanna know what would make you feel better?” Tommy asked. “If you and your girlfriend spent a little time together jumping on the bed.” Vince looked over at Mick and cringed.

“Maybe soon man,” NIkki smiled. “Just need to find the right place. Far away from you clowns.”

“I’m saying hotel.” Mick shrugged.

“Dude, what’s wrong with the house? You never had a problem with it before.” Tommy said, making Vince cringe again. “Or the backseat of your car.”

“I don't want you clowns interrupting me,” Nikki smacked Tommy. “Besides, my girl is special and deserves something better than our dingy apartment.”

“What is she a virgin or something?” Tommy asked.

“Oh, look what time it is! Time to rock!” Vince yelled out.

“Yeah man, let's start the show,” Mick said as he followed Vince out.

“I’m with the other two clowns,” Nikki grabbed his bass. “And it’s none of your business.” Tommy just shrugged and followed them out. Nikki saw (Y/n) once the set started. She was smiling up at him as he performed.

“He looks good.” Vanessa told her. (Y/n) nodded, beaming with joy. “Holy shit, Vince is hot! I’m going to have to claw my way through.” she said looking at the girls.

“Oh dear god Nessa.” (Y/n) laughed. “Just come backstage with me after the show.”

“Promise,” she hugged (Y/n) and laughed. “Thena! Come hang with us!” she yelled. Athena waved to them from the guy she was talking to. The concert went on and soon, the guys were done.

Forever Tags: @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogarukes @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316 @horrorpxnk

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @flamencodiva @iamtiber-andtiberismusic @jayprettymuchomw @charlyallise @you-know-im-a-dreamer @livingdeadharley @estxxmotley @arianareirg @the-normal-potato @nikki-sixxtynine @jjjjjjjoshdun @just-a-normal-fangirl18 @stella20131991 @tarahell @wowilovenikkisixx @i-want-to-shoot-myself @motleycrueee @sams-serialkiller-fetish @getbackhonkycatt @are-you-reddie54321

Nikki Sixx Tags: @daisystuffsstuff

Too Young to Fall in Love Tags: @kingbouji3 @leximus98 @thekidbakerinthetardis @crystalbaby12

#too young to fall in love #motley crue #nikki sixx #nikki sixx x reader #nikki x reader #dirt!nikki sixx #dirt!nikki sixx x reader #dirt!nikki x reader #dirt!nikki #the dirt #fanfiction

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maxwellshippo · 5 years ago

Text

Writer’s Block

(Male) Raleigh x MC (Beck James) / Platinum

Description: Fluff. SFW. Beck has writers block and when all else fails, she calls Raleigh for help.

Word Count: 2103

A/N: I can’t get enough of these two, seriously. Thanks for everyone for being so nice on my first fic. Here’s everyone who asked me to tag them: @drakeismyweakness @jlpplays1 @lovedrakewalker @furiouscloddonutpeanut If I missed anyone, I’m so sorry!

Beck nervously tapped a pencil against a blank sheet of paper, internally screaming at herself to Just. Write. Something.

Nothing came to her head. She sighed, falling back to the cold floors of her apartment and pulled her phone out, beginning to waste time by scrolling through Pictagram. She’d been cooped up in here all day. She wished for fresh air on her skin, or to go out and have fun. But a nearing deadline for her debut album was a weight on her shoulders. She had to put out her best work...better than Jaylen’s, who’s debut album would be coming out the same week as hers.

For so long, she wished for this life, imagining it would be glamorous outfits, tours to exotic cities and thousands of fans screaming her name. Soon enough, Beck thought. She just had to get through the hard part. There was always a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, right?

Inspired, she picked her notepad up again. Something was about to come. Genius was going to be spilled out of this piece of paper, she knew it!

Until nothing. Beck groaned, falling back down. She grabbed her phone again and dialed Shane. She needed to talk to someone that wasn’t an inanimate object. No answer. She frowned, scrolling through her contacts. She didn’t have any other friends in New York besides Avery, Fiona and the rest of her team. She didn’t want to bother Avery...I mean, he had his own life to live, right?

But it was worth a shot. She pressed her phone to her ear, swallowing hard as nerves enveloped her as she realized she was calling her idol to hang out.

“Beck?” His soft, English voice came through the other end. “How are you, love?”

“I’m great.” Beck couldn’t help but to smile. She gathered up the confidence to ask. “I was wondering if you’re free.”

Avery took a pause. Beck closed her eyes, knowing a ‘no’ would follow. “I’m sorry, Beck. I can’t make it tonight. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, yeah?”

“That sounds great.” Beck agreed, a little defeated. “You’re not mad at me, are you, love?”

“No, never!” Beck smiled, as if Avery could see it. “You owe me breakfast tomorrow.”

She smiled genuinely when Avery laughed loudly. “We’ll have the best pancakes New York has to offer.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Beck found herself back at her contacts list, thumb hovering over Raleigh’s number. Should I call? She felt like a teenager whenever the thought of Raleigh came to mind. She liked him so much but hated to admit it. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him because she’d only fall harder, yet, she’d find herself coming up with excuses to contact him.

She pressed dial, cringing at herself as she put the phone on speaker and laid it on her chest as she waited for him to pick up. She covered her eyes with her hands. “What did I do?” She muttered to herself and the dial tone, fully expecting to reach his voicemail before Raleigh picked up.

“Hey, Princess.” His deep, husky voice sounded from the other line.

“Hey.” Beck gulped, realizing she hadn’t planned this far ahead and didn’t know what she was going to say. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Raleigh asked, sounding like he was in a car.

“I just…” Beck sighed. “You sound busy. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“You’re a pain in my ass at times, but you’re not bothering me right now.” He joked.

“Ha-ha,” Beck rolled her eyes. “I was wondering if you were free...I’m kind of in a slump right now.”

A pause. Beck could hear the smirk forming behind the phone. “Beck, is this a booty-call?”

“God, no!” Beck said, appalled. “I’m having really awful writers block and I just needed someone to take my mind off of it!”

“Our next date isn’t until Tuesday...you know I’m off the clock for all boyfriend duties, right?” He teased.

“Forget about it, Raleigh. I was inviting you to hang out...as a friend.” Beck rolled her eyes. “Sweetheart, we’re not just friends and you know it.” Raleigh grinned. “Are you at your apartment right now?”

“Mmhm.” Beck sat up, taking the call off speaker and holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder. “

“So what are you wearing?” Raleigh’s voice that dripped with sarcasm didn’t miss a beat. He took one pause, relishing in Beck’s fluster at his question. He laughed, sending butterflies through her stomach. “So I know to dress appropriately...of course.”

“In that case, take off your I’m-a-big-jerk clothes.” Beck managed to snap back. Raleigh laughed again. “I’ll be to you soon. Have you had anything to eat yet?”

“No.” Beck couldn’t help but to smile at the fact Raleigh was coming over. She turned to a mirror, smoothing down her hair and clothes.

“Should I bring pizza?” Raleigh asked.

“Oh god, yesss. I’m starving.” Beck begged. “Let me guess, pizza to you is cauliflower crust with dairy-free cheese and pineapple?” Raleigh asked.

“Hell no. Bring me the greasy, good stuff.” Beck said. “You got it, Princess.”

Raleigh hung up. An hour later, there was a knock at her door. Beck ran over, hand gripping on the doorknob until she stopped.

Play it cool. She thought. Casually, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and opened the door smoothly. Raleigh leaned in the doorway, one hand holding up a pizza box. “Did someone order delivery?”

Beck and Raleigh sat on the floor by her couch, pizza propped up on the coffee table as they discussed her dilemma. “You’re going to have to get your album done sooner rather than later.” Raleigh told her, a mouthful of pizza. “What label, management and production wants, they get.”

“I know.” Beck frowned, taking a bite out of her second slice. “I just...always thought this part would be so fun and easy, y’know? They don’t make it look this hard on tv.”

“Life’s no movie.” Raleigh wiped his mouth with a napkin. “There’s no handbook for this kind of stuff...but if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me.”

“How did you handle it?” Beck asked. “You know...being thrown into this world headfirst.”

Raleigh frowned. “Maybe I didn’t handle it the best. But you’re going to be different. You got people to keep you grounded. Friends who care about you.”

Beck hugged a throw pillow to her chest and gave a hug. “I know you’re right but...it doesn’t always feel that way. I feel like I’m a bother to everyone at times. Like I’m some sort of charity case...always begging for someone to hold my hand through the scary parts.”

“You’re talkin’ about Avery?” Raleigh asked. Beck sighed. “Avery, Fiona, Shane...even you.”

“Hey, that’s not true.” Raleigh put a hand on hers, rubbing his thumb across her skin.

“You told me I’m a pain in the ass, earlier!” Beck tossed the pillow at him. Raleigh caught it and laughed. “But you’re my pain in the ass.”

“Now come on, let’s get inspired.” Raleigh got up and grabbed Beck’s guitar that was tossed in the corner. He sat on the couch, patting for her to sit next to him. She sat, one leg crossed under her as Raleigh shrugged off his jacket, revealing muscled arms under a tight, black t-shirt as he began to play the acoustic instrument. “I’m going to play a song and you sing the first words that come to your head.”

Beck’s eyes widened. “Raleigh, it’s not that simple-”

“Shush, darling. Listen to the music.” He strummed the chords gently. And as Raleigh began to play, Beck started to sing. First, she sang familiar songs. Then some originals. As the night carried on, Beck sang her heart out and Raleigh even joined in for a duet. As they finished singing the last lyrics together, Beck lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Raleigh’s neck, inhaling his smooth cologne.

“Raleigh, that was amazing.” He put the guitar down, pressing one hand to the small of her back. “You were amazing.” He corrected her. When Beck pulled out of the hug, her arms were still around his neck. She laughed nervously as their eyes stood locked. Raleigh’s eyes ran over her, like he was staring into her soul and reading her like a book. God, when he looked at her like that she could feel her knees turn weak. When Raleigh looked in her eyes, it was like time slowed down and she was the only thing in the world.

Beck shook herself out of the trance, removing her arms from his neck. She chuckled. “Maybe I should make you buy me pizza more often..look at how much I wrote.” She motioned to the stack of papers.

“I’m happy to help.” Raleigh said. He stood up, awkwardly rubbing his neck. “I guess my duties here are finished.”

“Wait.” Beck grabbed his hand before he could grab his jacket and leave. Raleigh turned, an awkward beat between them as Beck struggled for the words she wanted to say.

“Do you want to stay?” She spit out, regretting them as soon as he started to smile. Before he could tease her, she quickly started to backtrack. “I meant to like...watch a movie...or something. But you probably have somewhere to be. Plus, we have a long day on Tuesday. I don’t want to annoy you too much longer.”

“Princess, if you want me spend the night, all you have to do is ask.” Raleigh plopped back down on the couch. Beck hit his chest with the throw pillow again. He laughed. “What movie are we watching, gorgeous?”

Beck shut the lights as they prepared themselves on the couch, the empty pizza box from earlier rested on the corner of the coffee table while a bowl of hot, fresh popcorn took it’s place in the center. Beck and Raleigh fought about the choice of movie for a few minutes until she victoriously picked a chick-flick.

Raleigh pretended to groan and be upset, but truthfully, he didn’t mind. He looked over at her as the opening credits started to roll and she mouthed along the words to the script, a cheesy smile plastered across her face as she cuddled with a pillow. She’d clearly seen this movie more than once.

During the movie, Raleigh asked an abnormal amount of questions about each character, what their motive was, why they were dressed that way, why wouldn’t _____ do ____ instead of doing ____ because it would be so much easier, and so on. “Raleigh!” Beck whined. “Just pay attention and you’ll understand!”

“What kind of idiot would jump on a ferris wheel to talk to a girl?” Raleigh went on. “He must have no game.”

“It was a sweet gesture!” Beck cried.

“To what? Almost die?”

“Raleigh Carrera, you are no romantic.” Beck grabbed a throw blanket from above the couch and cuddled under it. Raleigh side-eyed her, amused at how cute she looked snuggled under such a fluffy blanket. “You cold?” Beck caught him staring. “No, you just look like a yeti.” He teased.

Beck rolled her eyes, scooting over and laying her head on his chest. She covered him with the white blanket as well. “Who looks like a yeti now?” She muttered. Raleigh wrapped his arm around her as they cuddled. He decided he would let her watch the rest of her movie in peace...and he also decided he would never admit to her that he’d seen the Notebook before, and he actually didn’t think it was half-bad.

Towards the end, Raleigh noticed Beck had fallen asleep. He looked around her living room, eyes tired and heavy himself, wondering if he should wake her to leave. Just then, she snuggled closer into him, one hand wrapped under his back and the other clutching his shoulder. Raleigh relaxed into her touch and pulled her closer, burying his nose into her hair as he drifted off to sleep as well. In the morning, to save face, he’d blame his dosing off on the boring movie.

#playchoices #platinum #raleigh x mc #raleigh carrera #raleigh platinum

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hazza-bear-care · 5 years ago

Text

Babie Crue (3/?)

A/N: This will be the second time I’m writing this because it accidentally got deleted when I went to add tags. I hope this one is more acceptable than the first draft, because guess who didn’t save the first draft.... ME!! I’m so sorry for not only leaving you guys waiting for the third part of this series, but also deleting it on accident. I FINALLY have a new laptop, so hopefully I’ll be able to update everything as soon as possible. Love ya!

Pairings: The Dirt! Motley Crue X OC, Eventual MGK! Tommy Lee X OC, Possible Douglas Booth! Nikki Sixx X OC

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of drug use, smoking, and alcohol. Wowee I’m so pissed at myself for deleting this.

Description: I don’ t remember exactly what happened, but Tommy somehow convinced Doc to let Cam join the Ozzy Osbourne/ Motley Crue tour.

~~~~~~~

“Hey, Doc! This is Cam! She’s a friend of mine from high school!” Tommy screamed over the music blaring through the small apartment.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Cam!” Doc responded holding his hand out for Cam to shake.

“I actually have a question regarding Cam, Doc. I was actually wondering if she and her daughter could join us on tour.” Tommy questioned, ignoring the looks people were throwing in his direction.

“You have a kid?!” Zutaut and Vince yelled, shocked at the revelation.

“Tommy are you serious, man? Look around you! This is not the proper world to bring up a baby in!” Mick yelled. Tommy waved everyone off, staring at Doc and waiting for his reaction. The drummer could see the gears in the manager’s head grinding as he thought.

“Tommy, Gracie and I are fine here. I have a steady job and your parents are angels. I agree with Mick on this,” Cam argued, suddenly feeling small under everyone’s scrutinous gaze.

“I’m sure Doc could give you a job. Hell, he could probably even pay you better than that shitty restaurant ever could! So, Doc, what do you say?” Tommy defended. The manager turned his attention to Cam, the 20 year old mother gnawing on her lip as her nerves began to get the best of her.

“So you work at a restaurant. How old is your daughter?” Doc asked.

“Grace is almost six months old, Doc.” Cam answered, a slight smile on her face as she thought about her daughter.

“She’s so great, Doc. As low maintenance as babies get, Gracie’s probably the lowest of the low. She’s the cutest little bundle. You’re going to love her, Doc,” Tommy gushed. Cam smiled and furrowed her eyebrows, looking at the other Motley Crue guys in confusion. Nikki and Mick beamed, genuinely surprised with the words coming out of Tommy’s mouth while Vince mimicked vomiting behind Doc’s back.

“I don’t know what I can offer you job wise, but I can very clearly see how much you and Grace mean to Tommy and the rest of the guys. So, pack up your clothes and every diaper you own because you’re coming on tour!” Tommy whooped and wrapped Cam in a hug, spinning the girl around as the other guys joined, a group hug ensuing.

~~~~~~~

Tour life was great so far. Having a baby around actually kept the band in check, much to the surprise of Doc and Tom. The raucous after parties halted past 2 am, Cam’s hotel rooms or bunks on the bus were put on lockdown, and late night booze runs had a few additions: diapers and formula.

In terms of parties, Mick was the most considerate when thinking of Grace. The guitarist would usually opt for a bottle or two of vodka, take his pain meds for his back problems, and then pass out in his room.

Tommy was a close second: the drummer would get buzzed enough to be annoying, add a few bumps of coke to keep his high going for a few hours, and he was done. He usually ended up passed out face down, ass up anywhere he lands when his buzz wears off. Cam found him after he broke his protocol one night, face planted in a pool of his own vomit. Trying not to puke herself, Cam got Tommy cleaned up and back on the bus all while he muttered about how sorry he was and if he woke up Grace at any point in the night.

Nikki and Vince, on the other hand, were intolerable when it came to the parties. There were nights where Vince kept the mother and daughter awake with the screaming coming from his room due to the countless groupies he fucked. Nikki sometimes roped Tommy and Vince into trashing the hotel floors that were rented out for the entire band, banging on walls and doors, screaming “wake up assholes!” as the entire hotel was awoken from their slumber.

There were other times where Nikki and Vince used Grace before and after the shows to rope in their chicks for the evening because according to Vince, “there’s nothing drunk chicks like more than a dude who can handle a baby”, to which Cam rolled her eyes and ripped the baby away from them.

The one thing Cam was cautious about was Ozzy fucking Osbourne. Motley Crue had their sober moments, especially around Grace, but Ozzy could never be sober even if his liver and kidneys depended on it. She knew that Ozzy had children of his own, but she didn’t know how exactly he acted around his children. Cameo always made sure that if Ozzy was around, she or a trusted member of Motley Crue always had an eye on the baby, especially when the older rockstar somehow snatched Grace away from whoever she was with.

Mick and Tommy bounced between watching Cam and Grace, because if at any point Ozzy’ s actions bothered Cam, they would swoop in and take Grace from the drunk singer, making up a bullshit excuse like she needed to be fed or changed. Cam knew she would be eternally grateful for the band and everything they had done for her and Grace, knowing 100% that there would be no way to ever repay them.

~~~~~~~

“Tommy! Get your ass back in this chair!” Ruby, the hair stylist, yelled at Tommy’s retreating back. “Can anyone go get him? Cameo? Mick?” Ruby turned her attention back to Vince as Cam stood and handed Grace and her bottle off to Mick, the vampiric man adapting his demeanor instantly.

Cam left the greenroom, heading in the direction she hoped Tommy had travelled down as well. As she ran down the hall, Tom greeted her.

“Hey, Zutaut! Have you seen Tommy? He ran out before Ruby could do his hair.” Cam ran a hand through her hair, trying to regulate her breathing as she waited for an answer.

“Yeah, actually. Keep going down the hall and head towards the stage. He said he wanted to ‘survey the crowd’. Hey, do you want to go do something with me later? I’m sure the guys wouldn’t mind watching Grace.” Cam rolled her eyes, holding her hand up to Tom’s mouth, ultimately shutting up the spineless record label rep.

“Zutaut, have you ever wondered why I call you buy your last name? Or why I never let you hold my daughter? It’s because I don’t fucking like you. So, kindly stay away from my daughter and I and do your fucking job!” With that, Cam turned and ran towards the stage, leaving Tom stunned in the hall.

Tommy was staring out from behind the curtain, the crowd growing anxious. Cam silently shuffled up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, causing the drummer to jump.

“You good?” Cam asked, silently chuckling at Tommy’s reaction.

“Yeah. Fucking fantastic, Cam.” Tommy mumbled, brushing past her and sitting himself on a sound equipment trunk. Cam joined him and rubbed his back, trying to prevent a mental breakdown from happening.

“What’s wrong, Tommy? You’ve never acted like this before a show.”

“This isn’t just another gig at Whisky, Cam. This is a fucking stadium full of people! What if they hate us? What if we fuck up this show, which will ultimately fuck up our career, and end up breaking up the fucking band?” Tommy muttered, scratching the back of his neck and holding his head in his hands.

“Well, don’t fuck up,” Cam responded, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m serious, Cameo! This isn’t a fucking joke!” Tommy whisper-yelled.

“So am I, Tommy! Look, this is what, your tenth show on this tour? Did you ever stop to consider that if Motley Crue was as shitty as you say, you wouldn’t still be here? Obviously you guys are doing something right, and you’re pretty amazing at it, so just give yourself a little break, okay? Now, come on back to the greenroom so Ruby can do your hair.” Cam stood and took Tommy’s hand, attempting to tug the man into a standing position. When the drummer didn’t move, Cam sighed and quickly sat down again.

“Cam, I’m not too sure I can do this.” Cam kissed Tommy’s shoulder and laid her head on it, quite a scandalous idea popping into her head.

“Hey Tommy? If you come back to the greenroom and patiently let Ruby finish your hair and makeup, I’ll flash you after the show.” With this promise, the drummer perked up and grabbed Cam’s hand, running back to the greenroom as quickly as he had run out of it.

~~~~~~~

“Before we end our show tonight, we’d like to try something new. A couple months ago, a gorgeous friend of Tommy’s popped up with a beautiful baby in her arms. She is now responsible for rounding us up when we get crazy and fucked up, so we would like to end this show with a special song dedicated to our friend Cameo and her daughter Grace!” Vince came to where Cam was standing backstage and dragged her out into public view, the unforgettable chords of Elton John’s “Your Song” beginning to play in the background.

Vince held her close as the band serenaded Cam, the mother a blubbering and sobbing mess. When the song ended, Cam hugged the singer, thanking him silently.

“Don’t thank me sweetheart; thank Tommy. It was his idea.” Nodding, Vince escorted the young mother backstage as roadies began to disassemble what remained of Motley Crue’s set. They all ran to the greenroom, the party beginning instantly.

“Thank you guys so much! It really meant a lot to me,” Cam whined happily, hugging each of them, spending a little extra time in her embrace with Tommy.

“You’re very welcome, sweets. Now, don’t forget about what you promised me earlier, Cameo.” Tommy whispered seductively in Cam’s ear, causing a shiver to roll down her spine. This was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~

A/N: Again, guys, I am so sorry that this part got deleted. I tried to piece as much of it back together as I could, and I’ m actually happier with this one than the original. I hope you enjoyed it!

Taglist:

@kellysimagines

#motley crue imagine #tommy lee x oc #tommy lee blurb #nikki sixx x oc #tommy lee imagine #motley crue series #vince neil #mick mars #tommy lee #nikki sixx

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