#no hard feelings they really dont mean anything
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Daisuke smut but like he gets way too excited and starts to be a little rough then you realize you kinda like it YK???
AHH MORE DAISUKE SMUT‼️‼️‼️
sorry for the late post guys 😟😟 sometimes I get really depressed and don't feel like doing anything 😟😟😟 BUT IM HERE‼️
C/W : First time having sex in a whiiillle, established relationship, use of pet names, P IN V!!! consent consent consent guys consent!! uhhhh mating press, overstimulating, NO FOREPLAY, AFAB reader, rough! dom Daisuke, might be ooc but i don't rlly care... >,< enjoy!!
"c'mon! please please please!! we havent had sex in like.. FOREVER!!"
"No! i am not having sex in a goddamn spaceship!" he had been begging you for literally hours to fuck you in the tulpar. If you really didn't want to he would've stopped begging after the first "no" that left your pretty lips but the exact words that came out of your mouth " I want to Daisuke but its really risky"
"Please baby! ill let you play on my Nintendo!" welp that was the only bit of convincing he had to do at that point
"okay! but i get to keep it in my Quarters for a whole week!"
"Jeez! seriously? it was that easy?!" you both walked your happy little butts to his quarters and shut the door behind you.
"ah! im so excited we havent done this in forever" he sighed dramtically as he took his silly little Hawaiian blazer off, leaving his shirt on the floor after it, he was not by any means ripped like captain curly but his body was just as attractive, toned abs{surprisingly consider he doesn't work out} a cute little mole on the right side of his abdomen, and a silver bellybutton piercing, it made you fold every time you saw it. while you were staring time flew by, by like 5 minutes because he was already stripped down to his socks.
"Are you gonna undress silly or do you want me to do it for you?" he said in a playful tone, going up to your and resting his hands on your hips leaning in close, your face just centimeters apart
"dont push it pretty boy" you poke his chest with you finger as you stepped back, lifted your hands to take of your shirt.
when the both of you stripped you both stood there for a few minutes confused on how to start this. but it seems you both had different thoughts while standing there, he was standing there admiring you while you were standing there contemplating how to start this
"God, love you're so fucking beautiful..." with that he basically climbed on top of you, pinning you against his bed, his ALREADY hard cock resting on your stomach as he placed sloppy kisses all over your neck
"You're hard already?! we literally haven't even done anything!"
"shh, you're just so *peck* beautiful *peck* I couldn't help *peck* myself " he spoke between kisses, gently moving down to suck on your collarbone, leaving a light pink mark.
''this is okay, Yeah?"
"of course,"
he moved his hand down, wrapping his hand around his cock, moving it closer to your wet pussy
"Hey! why were you making fun of me for being hard when you're sopping wet!"
"Shh! this is a judge free zone you_-Ah!" NO PREPPING NO FOREPLAY NO NOTHING, he slid in like it was NOTHING!
"S-sorry I couldn't stop myself " he didn't give you any time to adjust to his length and just started to move in and out of you, hard.
"Fuck! you're so fucking tight..." he grabbed both of your legs and lifted them to where your knees were touching your chest so he could get better access, it was almost like you were being manhandled, he was being super rough and you..liked it? you didnt know how to describe it but, you really enjoyed it.
"Daisuke- y-you're being super Ah! f-fuck! " You arched your back,gripping onto the sheets of his bed that were barley even on his bed btw.
He paused his movements, his grip on your ankles "Sorry sorry! Am i-am i being too rough? i can stop if you-
"no! please don't stop.. j-just continue...please"
"d-do you like it..?"
"yes! just keep going Daisu-ngh!"
hearing that you liked it when he was rough was like heaven. He had wayy to much energy when it came to sex but he always held back because he was scared of hurting you, but since you gave him the okay he didn't hold back. He tightened his grip on your ankles and thrusted faster and harder. He moved one of his hands from your ankle to your clit, rubbing the sensitive bud hard with his thumb-
"Baby! I-im gonna cum-! "
"Yeah.. Cum for me love.. "
You tried your best to match his thrusts but he was just going too fast
You bucked your hips and came all over his cock, but he didn't stop
"Shit! Daisuke t-to much! "
He didn't still, he continued to rub your clit and continued to thrust into you, it was to much, tears pricked your eyes
"Daisuke!"
Again, he didn't stop, you came again on his cock and he just continued...
4 orgasms later he pulls out, letting go of you ankles and letting you legs dangle off his bed, jerking his cock in his hands, finishing on your tummy, then toppling over you, wrapping his arms around you.
"I uhm.. Thank you.. I really needed that"
"No, thank you"
".... I love you"
"I love you too Daisuke"
...
"I still get to play your Nintendo? Right? "
THANK YOU! SORRY IT WAS SHORT BRO I'M RUSHING‼️🙏😣 REQUESTS ARE OPEN!
#smut#mouthwashing smut#mouthwashing#please request#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke smut#idk what im doing 😔#daisuke x reader smut
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I know these are another ancient relic of a tumblr rpc long past, but I'm doing one anyway. I've had this blog since like '13 and a lot of people have came and went and while that flow can be sad sometimes, I think it's also important to appreciate the now and make memories to look back on later. So, this is me documenting some of (likely not all) the individuals that have made me want to stick around this hellsite for just a little longer and have been a part of my current arc of rpc bullshit.
THE ROOMIE.
I'll never not mention @simulamortem even when I keep forgetting to reply. It is honestly such a joy to be able to talk about kitty meow meows in real time and even if we don't write as constantly as we used to, I love that we can still just talk about each other's threads like "Guess what Clark fucking got himself into THIS time..."
CLARK'S BESTIES
These are partners I've had, in tumblr standards, long term. Whether we've RP'd a lot or just chatted ooc or whatever-—I see your url and go 'It's that mfer again back on their bullshit' and I hope you feel the same when seeing mine. I love the dynamics we've established, I love the shitposts, I love just seeing your muse get up to nonsense with other muses. Whether we RP constantly or just awkwardly wave at each other occasionally, I'm glad you've stuck around. Just general joys to write with and see mucking about on the dash. @demonstigma @bitchheroine @monstriiss @cnlyluck @polyphagist @nykrose @ko3ak @harkcr @lykaiia @violeteyedkiller @badassxbirdy @hellsholyground @ohshadow @ebonyforged @vexastre @nostomannia @maidencfdeath @kurjaks
CLARK'S OTHER MORE NEWER BESTIES
Same as above except we became mutuals a little bit more recently. Glad you decided to give my trash man a chance and here's to plenty of more obnoxious interactions. >:) @fangmother @goldfanged @postguilt @korinthiakos @luxminus @celestieu @mmettamorphosis @demcnsinmymind
BESTIES TO BE
Maybe we haven't chatted much, maybe we haven't threaded much. Maybe we've been mutuals for ages or just became, but I'm excited to interact and see where our stupid skrunkly muses end up.
@manneatcr @spxnglr @daiemare @umtplex @coinquinatvs @paraphysics @letthefearin @survivoirs @detectivewoof @profanecenser @nahkess @vilestblood @graveycrd @vanishinq
#cw long post#cw video#tumblr is cutting me off so there will be a part two of this#also as my disclaimer with the only other FF ive done in history: if youre not on here or not in a specific category#no hard feelings they really dont mean anything#this is quite literally the Whose Line is it Anyway of posts. the points dont matter#what matters is youre all here and writing ur silly little fictional characters >:)#this is honestly just a big promo post on my end since reblogging individual promos does NADA for ppl anymore.#this is me smushing you all at each other like one big awkward office party#also weird brag but ive been here almost a decade and never peaked above like 250ish followers#yeah im what the kids call and underground hit. an undiscovered gem if you will. im literally the most indie of indies#aNYWAY kdhgkdfg#(;ff)
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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in which his life is like a video game
#persona 5#joker p5#morgana p5#akira kurusu#ren amamiya#my art#p5 spoilers#<- i mean. i dont like. say anything outright but like. i feel like i say *enough* in this one. lol#this ones actually pretty old i was just bored and wanted to draw but didnt want to draw enough to do anything serious so i finished it#i almost scrapped it because well it was hard to wrangle and had a minor tone problem but well. they cant all be winners <3#not my best work but i think the concept is. um. kind of really funny. lol#morgana: shit maybe it'll help him a little to play a game. get his mind off recent events. (it does not do this)#i still think this game is the funniest addition to royal. like they went out of their way to add this akechi themed video game in royal#im gonna be real with you. i think the gray pigeon theory thing is kind of silly. but goro akechi featherman parallels r so real. real shit#have you guys seen proof of justice. wasnt that crazy. that was crazy.#anyway. i want a love so strong it'll bring me back from the dead! or however that featherman episode goes. seeya#comics
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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how it feels to find song lyrics that fit your OC perfectly:
#“I'm my father's stubborn daughter; and I am no gentle lover. Only crown I wear is loyalty.” CHIMERA. CHIMERA. CHIMERA. CHIMERA.#for context chimera is my dearest nemesis daughter. sometimes I despise her but she's still my oc of FOUR YEARS.#“lover” in a platonic sense because she doesn't experience romantic attraction#“only crown i wear is loyalty” she is the only person from the main cast of the story she's from that isn't royalty#she is very stubborn. it is incredibly hard to change her opinions; especially those on other people.#she holds grudges for unfathomable amounts of time and she generally just isn't willing to trust people in the first place#she shows large amounts of loyalty towards the handful of people that she does trust and is very overprotective#sometimes even to a violent extent although she barely gets to act upon said violent nature due to other characters' interference#the above ties back to “only crown i wear is loyalty”#her issues with trust are slightly derived from the fact that she was taught at a very young age that she must save herself. she cannot#rely on other people. that other people were unpredictable; dangerous.#she shows affection in ways that could be perceived as strange by others because she never learned how to properly express love#towards those who she cared for. sorry for the rant i literally have no one to rant about her to#she's part of a private story that me and my best friend are working on#i really wish i could share more about her but i dont know if my friend would let me#anyways fun fact about her she is a genetic chimera#i will provide to you a simple definition from my understanding of it#genetic chimerism is when an individual has a population of cells in their body that are genetically distinct from the rest; the individual#has more than one set of DNA. about the unfortunate coincidence with her name i came up with the idea of her being a chimera#much after i had named her and my best friend had already gotten used to the name so ummm#to be specific she is a tetragametic chimera; meaning that in the womb she originally had a twin but when they were zygotes#[fertilized egg cell] the other zygote somehow died and was absorbed by the zygote that would eventually develop into Chimera.#this resulted in her having two separate sets of DNA— that of her own and of her twin that never was.#i'd just like to get this out of the way because i've seen people think this. albeit it was in another fandom that i saw this misconception#with another chimeric character. she. did. not. kill. her. twin. her twin died due to unknown causes as a zygote. a cell.#now that that's out of the way there's a really interesting form of tetragametic chimerism that is also related to Chimera herself#it's called 46 XX/46 XY chimerism. if you know anything about chromosomes you could most likely guess what it's about but I'll explain#46 XX/46 XY chimerism occurs when the two zygotes that fused possessed opposite sex chromosomes— one with XX and one with XY#feel free to do some research on it for yourself#if you read all of this just know that. i. love. you. so. sosososososososo much [platonic] thankk you so much for reading my ramble
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deceased at the implication that lewis was so deeply hurt by max’s dumb secret santa gift to valterri one year that he refuses to participate in the videos as a staunch moral stance. max lives rent free in these people’s heads so badly that they have to write fanfiction that frames lewis as some heroic protector of bottas to cope with him … just not wanting to do something he doesn’t have to do? save lewis from his own fans, man.
#whackjobs 😭😭#this really made me laugh so hard#sometimes i really do feel for lewis#such an incredibly talented driver#competitive and willing to do ANYTHING to win#waged absolute mental warfare on nico rosberg and sent the man to retirement#and his fans disrespect all that legacy#and paint him as so mentally weak that he gets offended by his teammate getting a can of fish so he cant handle doing secret santa videos#some of his fans really dont appreciate him for what he is#which is a fierce competitor who will do ANYTHING to win#if you have to erase half your drivers personality to like him#and its the part that makes him most successful in a racecar#you either dont understand this sport or just dont like your driver very much#didnt mean for this to become such a passionate defence of lewis but he just deserves more respect from a small segment of his fans#*
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every day i have to hold my tongue when m-cd-nnis shippers start sounding like frat guys with the way they talk about dennis' Secret Feelings toward mac. hey man. i don't actually think you get it. i don't think you understand what's going on between them.
#HEY MAN. I DONT THINK DENNIS ~SECRETLY WANTS IT~ AND TJAT ITS GOOD ACTUALLY WHEN HE ASSAULTS HIM. CAN YOU BE NORMAL.#ada speaks#guyssss dennis is just secretly gayyyy its fiiiine mac is making him come to terms with itttt#he actually really wants all this despite his verbal protests you guysssss#fuck taking him at his word obviously dennis doesn't know what he wants !!!#like my brother in christ. when dennis says. It's Never Gonna Happen. Not Willingly.#he means it. the willingly part IS the important part#when dennis HAS a choice and when mac is not actively REMOVING that choice#THEN he is like. fine with it#but you people don't seem to understand what it is that mac is doing that dennis is opposed to#is it rlly that hard to understand that mac putting dennis into these situations like in ddl and gets romantic is intentional on mac's part#dennis' issue is. Always. he doesn't like being TRAPPED. key word.#this is why he resists time and time again not just with mac but with everything else he fights against#he doesnt like being out of control. he doesn't like being controlled. its not even that he wants to be the one in control#it's for protection#so when mac traps him. intentionally. in a way that is premeditated. when he knows he cant trust mac#why in gods name would he WILLINGLY consent to literally anything#like you look at the implication and the obvious parallels there#where he is recreating how he was made to feel#and its specifically about being trapped. PHYSICALLY in this sense#and you look at the fucking scripts and you see how many goddamn times the word TRAPPED is used#[GESTURES BROADLY]#like for the last time. dennis is not resistant to mac bc he has these latent desires he is in denial about.#he's resistant to mac because he doesn't trust him and doesn't want to be assaulted.#its about power. but consistently we see that dennis Doesnt Want Real Power he just wants enough to protect himself#like for fucks sake. yes. if dennis consents then obviously he's going to be fine with it#the problem is that mac doesn't care enough to get consent#and very specifically circumvents it instead. den isn't like. overreacting. he's right djskdjfkkf
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is this outfit historically accurate? probably the fuck not. is it practical in any way shape or form? also probably not! but does it serve cunt? YES 😩🙏💅 and that's all that matters!
#oc liveblogging#i feel so bad hakjshkgjhsk if any fashion designer/person who actually knows anything about fashion really saw my designs#they'd beat the absolute shit out of me. LIKE IM SOSRHSHF IM PROBABLY MIXING THINGS THAT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE BUT AHGH IM TRYING#i do reference a lot of shit and i am trying to get better at drawing cloth and such. my friends rly being into cosplay has made me start#thinking abt materials bc a lot of designs dont specify that yeah? and it is cool to think about like is that cotton or polyester or vinyl?#fuckk tho I THINK I BLAME VOCALOID & MONSTER HIGH FOR MY TASTE IN ALT FASHION FOR CHARA DESIGNS. MH ESPECIALLY TBH#being really into doll lines when i was younger in general means a lot of focus on the clothes bc yeah duh thats a main doll selling point?#btuahktjskgslg. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.#now the problem of all time. my ass who loves to add little details but how many can i add w/o the design getting messy#and not being a pain in the ass to draw every time bc theres sm to do. i love coloring but also at what fucking cost man...#like i loveee lace but ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO DRAW. RUFFLES AND SHIT FGRAHHRHHH fuck u frilly fashions so cute but so hard to draw grrr#also on the historically accurate note grhhHGHAHH im so sorry but WHY IS MENS FASHION SO BORINGGG 😭😭😭#like maybe i need to look more but uGHHH generic suit generic brown suit plsease i need some variety. i know social expectations stuff yes#but ghshkgjsjh PLEASE. im trying im doing more research...
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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cant kill myself because someone needs to tell people that the shblr tags are not for kink and a lot of the people that use them are minors and someone needs to correct all the really awful first aid advice
#if i do kill myself one of you people better start doing that#the first aid stuff isnt that hard to figure out just read cutting the risk and Google anything you dont recognise#usually you just gotta tell people not to air out their cuts or use alchol/hydrogen peroxide to clean injuries or that you can die from...#veinous bleeding or that nerves are a thing or that tendons are a thing or that cutting near joints is a bad plan#thats the main things really#i mean it too one of you better fill my place when im gone i really care about shblr but seriously people are stupid on here#feel like a baby sitter checking the tags every day and being like “step away from the outlet” except its no an outlet its glass#i forgot about that one glass is a bad idea to cut with i have to tell people that sometimes#i should make a post about this make it easier for whoever#oh and I help people figure out the depth of cuts or if somethings infected
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Honestly, having multiple older customers at my job encourage me to vote by telling me that "it's between freedom (trump) or socialism (harris)" or some other "vote trump" talking point has genuinely encouraged me to vote far more than any "vote blue" posts on this hellsite ever have. Like fuck yeah I'll vote for socialism cheers comrade
#simon says#obviously harris is not a socialist in any sense of the term#but old republicans think anything left of republican is socialism so it's really funny#like bb i dont think you know what socialism is#it has happened MULTIPLE times now#where someone gives me an passionate speech to vote for trump specifically while im working#and it just makes me very spiteful#i cannot understate just how much I HATE vote blue posts#everything about them is just annoying condescending mean and sometimes genuinely uninformed and often times very uncritical#every time I see a vote blue post it pushes me ever so further to voting 3rd party#but when a customer stops the conversation about cat products to evangelize about voting republican?#oh that will convince me more than anything else to vote bc they make it WAY more appealing#like they're genuinely nice and encouraging despite the bad political takes so it makes me feel good about voting#but they're also trying to get me to vote republican so hard that they end up making the other side look better than they are#idk it's hard to put into words
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i kind of hate to say it because i feel like i'll get pushback for it,,, but i kind of feel like if you're going to be making informational posts about autism online you do need to be reading actual autism research and literature. at least some of the times. like you can't just make things up and then present them as fact.
#N posts stuff#i guess as a defense the post i'm vaguing about doesn't actually attempt to Completely redefine a trait; just partially redefine it#but 'literal interpretation' in autism does Not refer to ambiguity in question answering. it does mean literal interpretation#very notably if you read Anything about autistic kids you'll see examples of them#fumbling with metaphorical and non-literal language.#a girl being told she can 'walk on ahead' and confusedly trying to flip herself upside down to Walk On Her Head#a kid being taught how to use a knife being told he should curl his fingers in 'like a cat's paw' and getting mad because#he has human hands and Not cat's paws.#kid being told he wears his heart on his sleeve and angrily arguing that his heart wouldn't beat properly outside of his chest#you can't just say 'well i loved wordplay so they must mean something else when they talk about this' they don't.#i notice a lot of that kind of. flattening? of autistic traits online and it can start to get a little frustrating#like dont' get me wrong i don't exactly hold the psychiatric field in high esteem but i feel like if you're using their diagnostic#terminology you kind of Have to play in the diagnostic criteria that those terms define. you can't just rewrite it entirely#the psychiatric field still exists so their framework is what you have to work under if you're using their terms#don't misunderstand me i'm not protesting against self-diagnosis or anything like that. i was self-diagnosed for years before i got my DX#but like. you also can't just rewrite the diagnostic criteria because you want to make a certain argument.#at a certain point you just sound incredibly misinformed. or like you're just outright lying...#or at least trying too hard to extrapolate your personal experience to the broader community in ways that Don't Fit.#yeah the diagnostic criteria might be in some ways inaccurate and biased but. you can't really just Make Up your own and claim#that's what they Really Meant all along. it doesn't make sense.#<- guy being too pedantic for its own good but. i mean. i don't know what we expected.
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