#no amount of self medication is helping

[pearfight]

.

[sleepyjim2]

incomprehensible yap in the tags tldr im just not doing well i guess

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

it's absolutely fascinating the way minds work to me.

[anthromimicry]

anyhow, i have now come up with a happy end(ing) for misao even though... well, it may be debatable as to whether she deserves it BUT like wonder woman once said — it's not about what you deserve. and of course i'm not trying to say that misao could make up for all of the bad thing's she's done throughout the years because honestly,, she has a LOT of blood on her hands, but good redemption arcs for characters aren't made to erase all of the bad thing's they've done in the past, in my opinion. they're made to accept what they've done and how, although they CAN'T make up for it, they can start working towards a better future and won't make the same mistakes again regardless of what kind of protests they might face from people who think they might be faking it or that they don't deserve it.

but anywhozies, misao's happy ending is becoming a grief therapist because helping other people work through their grief would also help HER work through her own, i feel like... and somewhere where people really need it so maybe in the east end or something?¿ and she'd also offer some pro-bono therapy sessions for the rogues because, like i said, she's not trying to erase all of the bad things she's done because that's virtually impossible. but misao would be trying to make amends with people and that includes the people whom she counseled / had therapy sessions with in arkham. and they don't have to forgive her, OFC, at any point. but i just feel like that'd be something she'd put out there for them and what makes this ending even more truly happy is this.

misao reuniting with ryuuji, her half-brother, and since he works as a medical examiner (yeah, he eats off of the dead bodies, y'all JSJSJ) ... he could transfer to gotham + be a part of the PD and sneakily take back parts of people as gross as that might sound for misao to eat. but i mean, at least she wouldn't be killing people anymore and it's an arrangement that would work for them to be able to eat, in retrospect. so yeah

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[racke7]

My internet has been investigated by a professional.

There might be something weird with the big cables (to quote the guy: the "inner-pair" and "outer-pair" of the eight-cables are of different lengths, but by all accounts still work just fine), but my own equipment has at least passed (no extra-fine for crying wolf for me).

The weird stability-thing continues to be weird. And current test is for them to switch my internet-provider (internet-provider has a use-contract with the cable-operators, who are the ones investigating) over the weekend. See if the problem is on that end.

It's possible that this is the case (at which point I guess I'll try to switch permanently), or that it's that weird cable-length resulting in the problem (which is... a whole different can of worms).

[alexfeelyx]

body image ramble (positive!) under the cut! I don't wanna bore y'all with my personal anecdotes but maybe this helps some people out who are also working on their confidence

i'm a regular-ass guy in a regular-ass body (or a subset of those I guess, given that I'm trans) who has, for the longest time, thought that he was just. so god damn ugly and repulsive to everyone. I would look in the mirror and catch myself pulling an unattractive face, or see myself from a bad angle, or look at a part of me that I thought was very unflattering and I would Despair™. like who could ever be attracted to me

and this was made worse because i was convinced!!! that everyone i was attracted to was wayyyy out of my league. (after all i was attracted to them, if they were as hideous as me, I would not have found them hot. anyone i find hot is immediately out of my league since they are hot and I am not.) and I would lambast myself for my evil selfishness. if I thought someone as ugly as me deserved to be loved and desired, why didn't I go and also love some uggos? nobody should be forced to be with someone they didn't desire, so nobody should be forced to desire *me*.

don't make me try and explain what a deeply fucked up and unhealthy mindset that is, I think y'all get the point

i then briefly dated someone and realised that 1. both he and i were perfectly average people and that didn't deter me from finding him hot as fuck, so there's nothing saying someone couldn't find me hot as fuck despite me being a totally average dude 2. holy shit I am in fact an average dude and not some eldritch, madness-inducing monstrosity.

this person later indicated that he DID think he was out of my league and was with me because I was nice to him (which he kind of saw as a form of emotional manipulation on my part), which um. might have caused a bit of a backslide in my ongoing quest for self-esteem. (in his defense he said that in a very emotionally charged conversation about our respective issues where I have said some hurtful shit as well.) so I did spend a couple months wondering that if the guy I finally saw as my equal didn't think I was his equal, I might actually be outstandingly hideous

BUT. I was looking at some family photos the other day and caught a glimpse of myself in one of them. and I started wondering why I was so ugly and/or unphotogenic when all the rest of my family looks normal. and then I realised that uh... we either all look normal or none of us do? my aunt has the same chin I do, I don't see her as ugly in any of these photos. we all make funny faces and are caught in weird poses. but I don't notice those because for me those are just the faces of my loved ones and I don't constantly judge them from an aesthetic perspective whereas I do judge myself that way

genuinely i'm starting to realise that I have always been attracted to average people, and I am in fact an average person. it's so fucking freeing, y'all, you have no idea. and an important caveat, I do have my personal preferences and so do other people. sometimes the chosen Random Dude I have the hots for will not have the hots for me and that's disappointing but ultimately okay. but it's not that I'm a Hideous Wretch who is only into underwear models, like I previously thought. it's not that everyone I find attractive is automatically out of my league for that very reason. we're both just random people and sometimes our tastes don't align.

tl;dr people are often hot for no particular reason and it's conceivable that I'm also people. and this goes for you too dear reader

[je-suis-problematique]

The CBD oil prescription can't come soon enough.

– Moony

[crispycreambacon]

Cut Through The Noise

Even as the strike ends, the Palestinian genocide has not.

Now more than ever, there are so many conflicting voices. People with their own self-serving, hateful motivations speak over us, and sometimes our own voices can turn against us. We may feel like our voice isn't enough or we aren't doing enough.

This is why it's so important to learn to shut down that noise. No matter how much people scream that what we're doing is useless or a waste of time, keep talking. Keep talking about Palestine. Keep talking about Palestine for as long as this goes on, both online and in real life. If Israel won't end their genocide, we won't end our protest.

Below is a list of what you can do and the poem transcript.

Check and spread this post which contains a comprehensive list on how to help Palestine.

Learn about the history of Palestine and how the displacement and eventual genocide of Palestinians started in 1948.

Learn more about Palestine, the myths surrounding it and the arguments debunking it.

Boycott companies who are either directly or indirectly supporting and finding Palestine's genocide.

Click a button to raise funds for UNRWA – an organisation aiding Palestinian refugees.

Attend a protest.

Help Gazans stay connected by purchasing eSims for them.

Donate to the following organizations – any amount, no matter how small, goes a long way:

UNWRA

Care for Gaza

Medical Aid for Palestinians

Palestine Children's Relief Fund

Islamic Relief

Here's another post detailing more charities you can donate to

And most importantly of all: Don't Stop Talking About Palestine! However you interpret it as – creating art, talking to the people in your life, emailing and calling your representatives, even reblogging and making posts – make your voice loud and clear!

— Poem Transcript —

There's a lot of noise right now

Screams dehumanizing poor souls

Groans from those in willful ignorance

People digging deeper and deeper holes

And it's overwhelming, it really is

I do not blame you

Sometimes you feel that your voice is too small

I feel that way too

But despite that, I urge you to keep going

And demand for what's right

Even it sounds like a whimper

You're still joining in the fight

And soon the rest of us will join

We can stand together here

We can cut through the white noise

And make our message clear

[appsa]

As you may know by now my friend siraj's fund ( @siraj2024 ) for rebuilding his home has now simply become a survival fund due to how dire the situation is in gaza today.

With borders closed, aid workers routinely targetted by the IOF to the point that many orgs including UN officials themselves have paused humanitarian aid efforts in gaza, and barely ANY of the aid being sent making it through the israeli blockade– the best thing you can do is help people like siraj find the means to be self-reliant and provide for themselves and their families.

Will try to keep it short this time round, so please dont look away.

Due to recent displacement of his extended family from deir al balah because of violence by the IOF, siraj's fund is now supporting FIVE families instead of just the one

This means Siraj is now sole provider for 23 people instead of just the 5 it was before.

10 of them are just children between the ages of 6-12, including 3 of siraj's children and their cousins.

His children are already sick with infections and due to the cramped living conditions in the tents, they are all at risk at spreading illnesses between each other.

With so many people depending on him and much of gaza's medical infrastructure being reduce to rubble, it has become imperative that Siraj be able to reduce the risks for them as much as he can possibly can.

Right now Siraj wants to focus on providing clean drinking water.

This will help ensure that the children dont have to walk kilometers on foot to fetch a pail of water, only to constantly put themselves at risk of more debilitating illnesses like polio and hepatitis by having to drink the poisoned water in gaza for survival.

To do this, Siraj has decided to purchase a submersible water generator and some network tools. He needs YOUR support to make this possible.

verified (#219) / donate here

enter raffle / artists offering commissions for donations - [1] [2]

IMPORTANT: since the gfm organizer is based in canada, the fundraiser doesnt accept donations through p*ypal. If you would like to donate via PP or are having any issues donating with general cards, please DM @malcriada (siraj's trusted friend) to make the donation on your behalf.

Donate what you can, share if you cant. No amount of help is too little, and your support can truly mean the difference between life and death for these families.

[artificialllovers]

I’ve been trying to make some personal improvements in my life (better organization, time management, regular exercise, etc) so I’ve been following more accounts focused on that kind of stuff and I have to say… I genuinely believe some of you are coping with the reality of living in a racist, patriarchal, capitalist hellscape by deluding yourself into believing that you, as an individual, have more control over the world around you than you actually do

[abedalahdiaburas]

My name is Abd Alhadi Abu ras, I am a lawyer from Gaza city, and I am reaching out for help during an incredibly difficult time. My family and I have been deeply affected by the ongoing war in Gaza. We have lost our home and my advocacy bureau , leaving us with nothing but the clothes on our backs. In search of safety, we have become refugees, fleeing to another city where we now face immense challenges.

Vetted by @/gazavetters and is #2 on their vetted list. Also personally confirmed and vetted by @/mohammedalanqer ( #174 on Verified fundraiser list by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi )

We have fled from Gaza city to Rafah city, Two months ago we fled to Al-Zawaida after Israel has invaded Rafah city. Nowadays we live in a TENT in the middle of nowhere suffering from almost everything.

The war has torn apart our lives, and we are struggling to find stability in this new place. Basic necessities like food, clean water, and shelter are scarce. The trauma of the conflict weighs heavily on us, but we are determined to rebuild our lives and create a safer future for our children.

How You Can Help:

We need your support to get back on our feet. Your generous donations will go towards:

• Emergency Shelter: Helping us secure a safe place to live.

• Food and Water: Providing us with essential nutrition and clean water.

• Medical Care: Access to healthcare for our family, especially our children who have been deeply affected by the trauma.

• Education: Ensuring our children can continue their education and have a chance at a better future.

• Rebuilding Livelihoods: Helping us restart our business or find new means of income to become self-sufficient again.

Every Contribution Counts:

No amount is too small. Every dollar brings us one step closer to stability and a chance to rebuild our lives. Your support means the world to us during this dark time.

Thank You:

From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for your kindness and generosity. Your support not only helps us materially but also gives us hope that better days are ahead.

Please share our story with your friends, family, and community. Together, we can overcome this hardship and start anew.

With heartfelt gratitude,

Abd Alhadi Abu ras and Family

Vetted by @/gazavetters and is #2 on their vetted list. Also personally confirmed and vetted by @/mohammedalanqer ( #174 on Verified fundraiser list by el-shab-hussein and nabulsi )

@90-ghost @spideyyeet @fancysmudges @norrriey @brokenbackmountain @nabulsi27 @sar-soor @khizuo @lesbiandardevil @batmanisagatewaydrug @batmanego @appsa @sayruq @malcriada @palestine @palestinegenocide @palestine29 @akajustmerry @anneemay @annoyinggiantfestivaluniver-blog @feluka @tortiefrancis @flower-tea-fairies @tsaricides @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @kordeliiius @brutality @raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish @theropoda @tamamita @4ft10tvlandfangirl @queerstudiesnatural @northgazaupdates2 @skatezophrenic @awetistic-things @camgirlproblem @baby-girl-aaron-dessner @sygol @jungle @heritageposts @chososhairbuns @palistani123-blog @dlxxv-vetted-donations @gazavettersalt @gaza @fishfingersandscarves @kendyroy @an0nsleuth @amygdalae

[scarletcomet]

the mental illness is making me very mentally ill today

[radiance1]

Danny's portal accident has left him blind.

Not fully blind, he can see ecto entities just fine actually, but everything else he cannot.

Danny is left stranded in the ghost zone after the portal collapsed behind him and just left him on a random floating island, he's terribly wounded because a literal tear between worlds opened on him and then just spat him out and closed itself.

So, he isn't having a great time.

Then he gets found by a pack of blob ghosts, who instantly swarm him and just kinda... drag him away basically. Then Danny is given some cloak (His own were damaged to the Ancients and back, also they stole the cloak off a guy a long time ago), some bandages over his eyes and for some reason Blob ghosts are really good at medical care??

Then he lives with them for an undetermined amount of time, getting used to being a ghost with their supervision and is given full access to all the stuff they've stolen over the years.

One of them included a magic ball and Danny, stuck in a cave with not a lot to do, decides to fuck around and try it out.

A while later he's being fretted over by a whole lot of the Blob ghosts because the entire cave was filled with ice.

Not to self, don't use his apparent ice abilities without a sense of control like he did before.

Then a while later, while still trying to control said ice magic, he gets given a crown. One that he can't really see because there's no ectoplasm in it, but also can vaguely see the outline because there was something else inside it.

Later told it was a magic crown they got from a wizard who suddenly decided that he literally had zero use for the thing and traded it with the Blob ghosts since it'll just collect dust.

They traded it for a gem by the way.

So, when Danny finally perfected his ice abilities (with help from the crystal ball) he decides to leave the cave for once in his life and then he subsequently falls through a portal (with his blob ghosts) into the world of DC and boy is he out of his depth.

Then he becomes a villain, not on purpose really. He just needs to see and used his ice do to just that, and because of that he's taken over an entire section of a city (unnamed by it isn't Gotham) and his blob ghosts regularly steal stuff outside to bring back to him so he can eat and stuff.

Of course, taking over a whole section of a city isn't really seen in a good light.

[doberbutts]

Curious about something you mentioned in your post last week, you said that in your opinion all drugs should be legal and I’m curious about how that would be a positive at all? Like I get weed bc it’s pretty harmless but when I think of drugs I think of cocaine and heroin, which have destroyed so many lives. If it was widely available wouldn’t that end up hurting more people than helping? That’s just my opinion but I’m curious on the other side

I do think all drugs should be legal. This is said knowing that addiction runs in my family and that the only reason my older sister is my *sister* is due to drug use and addiction. Otherwise she'd be my cousin.

Making drugs illegal does not stop people from getting high. It does not stop drug related crime. And it certainly does not stop drugs from tearing families apart.

Addiction is a symptom of a larger problem. Solve the problem and the addict problem goes away. Solve the addict problem and drugs stop ruining lives and destroying families and creating massive amounts of drug related violence. Places that have roled out decriminalization strategies effectively have seen an overall reduction in crime rates across the board, a reduction in recreational drug use, and a reduction in bloodborne illness like HIV. Creating safe needle exchanges as well as safe places to get high with medical staff onhand has also created a locale where very few people die from overdose.

Most people hear "decriminalize all drugs" and think I mean a free-for-all. I don't. I think the drug market should be regulated. I don't think you should be able to get ketamine or heroin over the counter at a walmart like you can get asprin. But I think it's time to stop putting people in jail for getting high.

My aunt tore her life and her family and her health apart for years while she was addicted to heroin. My sister, her daughter, needed to be removed from her care due to the amazingly bad choices she made as a mother due to her addiction and her prioritizing drugs over the health and safety of her daughter. My aunt has had multiple heart attacks from the damage the constant drug use did to her body.

My aunt is more than a decade sober and do you know why? It's not because she got a wakeup call when her daughter was taken away, because at the time she willingly and freely signed her over to my parents because that got her "out of [her] hair". It's not because she had a heart attack, because she went right back to it the moment she was out of the hospital. It's not even because she spent time in rehab and prison, because the moment she was out she was using again.

No, my aunt got sober because her life changed. She was put on a better pain management plan. She got out of her shitty marriage to her shitty husband. She completed some education to make her more hireable so she didn't have to rely on less than safe means of paying her bills. She reconnected with my sister and reforged their relationship once she was 18. She bought her own house. She found love with someone who didn't give a shit about her past and brought out the best in her.

My aunt was a deeply unhappy person. Heroin made life more tolerable for her. Until she couldn't tolerate life without it. Until she'd do anything, anything, to get her next high.

A lot of addicts are addicts because they are self-medicating for something else and their drug of choice has chemical properties that makes their brains crave it more. If you fix the "deeply unhappy" part, you create a healthier environment for that addict to take control over their life again. Without it, they are far more likely to continue to relapse.

Knowing this, why would I then want to add the threat of prison and jailtime- life-ruining things themselves- to an addict's list of concerns?

Look up rat park sometime. In the rat paradise, drugged water was freely offered, and occasional a rat here or there would take a hit or two, but rarely enough to even get high and almost never habitually. Addiction literally didn't exist even though the rats were taking addictive substances. But the rats in cages, seperated from each other, with no enrichment, crammed into small spaces and stressed to hell? Those rats took hit after hit after hit until they overdosed and died. The addict rats were deeply unhappy. The drugs were their only escape. The paradise rats had to be lured in with sweetened drugs to even consider and even then they rejected them. The caged rats did not need sweetner, even though the drugs made the water bitter.

If we can see such a stark difference in rats having their needs met vs rats experiencing isolation and stress, what would happen if we showed human addicts the same consideration?

I think a lot better results than continuing to jail deeply unhappy and desperate people for doing the only thing they can think of to cope.

[haeryna]

in my dreams you love me back (i still love you) ↪ gojo satoru x reader x geto suguru ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

← previous | ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ | next →

summary: soft moments with shoko keep your heart soft as well, but suguru finds something that he wasn't supposed to.

tw: sfw but vague mentions of losing your virginity. your mother MEDDLES but let's be real, we'd do the same. allusions to the bible for the aesthetic but also because i like the imagery of the themes. not proofread.

notes: title taken from red velvet's "in my dreams." the second half of "i would give up heaven if i had to." another short chapter because i split it in two originally! banner from @/cafekitsune

"You look like shit."

You can't stop the huff that escapes your mouth as Shoko peers at you from your phone, propped up against your rice cooker. She's somewhere in the United States right now, attending a medical conference. She isn't wrong; your ten minute break in the bathroom had turned into a full-blown half hour breakdown. Thankfully, none of your coworkers pointed out the redness of your eyes and the sallow tint to your skin. Your manager had practically forced you to go home early. They all assumed that you had broken down about how the Gojo Satoru had demanded you be the one to make his drink. At this point, you were too tired to correct them.

"I just got back from the cafe, leave me alone." Yawning, you reach for a bowl. "I'm starving and exhausted, and now you're going to yell at me, Sho?"

You can hear the heavy exhale, and the camera blurs as she lets out a cloud of cigarette smoke. "I never said that. Did you see them today?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Nobody else can make you cry that hard, and I know it wasn't me."

You hesitate for a moment. "Mom thinks I should hear them out."

"Personally, I would tell them I'll speak to them after a down payment of 5k."

"Shoko!"

But your laughter fills the air, and you can catch Shoko's self-satisfied smirk from the other end. "There she is." A soft haze fills your screen as her voice softens. "Do I need to fly back and tell the two of them to fuck off?"

"I can tell them to leave myself," you protest, but Shoko gives you a deadpan stare. "Okay, well, maybe it'll be hard."

As the silence falls, warm and comfortable, you bustle around the kitchen, spooning rice into your bowl of leftovers. The air is warm, and despite your exhaustion, you can't help but appreciate the dreaminess of the evening. Shoko watches you, dark eyes unreadable. "What?" you finally ask, curiosity lacing your voice.

"Just be careful," she sighs. "Satoru and Suguru will probably do some crazy shit to get you to notice them. I just don't want those idiots to scare you."

"They don't care enough to do that," is your sardonic reply, and this time, it's her turn to laugh.

"If you really think that, then you're blinder than I thought."

He is breaking me down on every side, and now it's too late for me; he has uprooted my hopes like a tree.

When the number of your old landline rings on Suguru's cellphone, he almost blocks it out of habit before he registers the last four digits. Panicking, he immediately accepts the call.

"Hey, is everything okay? I-"

Your mother's voice chirps back at him, a bit staticky from the old phone that he knows she'd insisted on keeping installed in the kitchen. "Suguru, dear, could you do me a favor?"

Ingrained instinct forces a "yes ma'am," from his mouth before he can even process the request. He can practically hear the smile in your mother's voice. "It won't take too long, don't worry. My back has been aching an awful amount after my last surgery, but I've been meaning to wear some of my old church clothes to Bingo Night. Would you mind grabbing it for me?"

The attic is cluttered and old, and the dust stings his eyes, but Suguru can't bring himself to complain as he begins to rummage through boxes. It feels like seeing you again, like being your Suguru again, as he unearths old photo albums, and stuffed toys. There was the rabbit you used to carry around all the time. A picture frame, of you, Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru one summer afternoon. Carefully, he wipes away the dust, smiling at the memory. You'd lost your front tooth that summer; now, it was forever memorialized.

Finally, he reaches a small collection of boxes in the back. The dress lays draped over a small stack of boxes, but as he grabs it, one topples over, spilling its contents all over the floor.

Suddenly, selfishly, Suguru is grateful that Satoru stayed behind back in their hotel room, because inside the cardboard box is envelopes. At least thousands of them, crammed into each possible corner, dates written on the front in the same handwriting you've had since high school. He tears open another box, only to find the same. Three whole boxes of letters. Selfish hope and heavier dread sinks into his skin like the dust that is slowly falling to the floor; Suguru has unearthed something that he knows he's not supposed to see.

Was this how Adam felt, holding the forbidden fruit in his hand? Which was stronger; the will of God, or the love of man?

"You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

He's almost frantic as he searches for the first letter, scattering them around himself until he finds it; labelled a week after Suguru had taken Satoru with him to pursue what they had believed to be an impossible dream. Suguru hesitates only for a moment, until with one decisive swipe, he rips the flap from the waxy paper beneath. This one is addressed to him.

Suguru,

My parents put me in therapy. Remember how we always used to joke that if anyone needed it, it would be you? Why did you leave me? What did I do wrong? It hurts, Sugu, why, why, why My therapist thinks that keeping letters will help, and my parents want me to at least give it a try. Mom won't say anything, but I know she's concerned. Dad's already torn into Toru's parents, so the whole town is fully aware of what they've done. Shoko says that they're practically livid with shame, skulking around the town as that'll fix their reputation. You missed it; there was one night when the fireflies came back, and I swear they filled the entire sky. It was beautiful. It reminded me of the first time we met, do you remember that?

I wish you'd been here to see it. I'm sorry, Suguru. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough to take along. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I love you. I hope you're safe. I hope you're taking care of Toru for me.

I love you so much that it's hard to be mad.

Water drips down onto the ink of where you'd signed your name, and with a start, Suguru realizes he's crying. Gently folding the letter, he sets it aside, and reaches for the next one.

Mom and Dad have what Grandma had. I'm scared, Toru. I wish you were here. You'd always say something silly that would make me forget for even a moment.

Another.

I saw you on the television today, Toru. You're so beautiful it hurts.

Another.

I've given up on properly going to college. They're so sick that I'm terrified to leave them alone.

More. More. More.

I try my best not to listen, but the radio in the coffee shop plays the songs you make, Sugu. I hate it, but it's selfish of me. The girl you sing about, does Toru get along with her? Does she make you happy?

He can't stop himself from reading any more than he can stop the tears pouring down his face. They'd missed so much of your life, and yet you'd dutifully written letter after letter, as if you'd planned on them seeing it. Like you hoped they would come back some day. The next letter was only written two years ago, but it turns Suguru's blood to ice.

I saw the scandal on one of the gossip magazines while I was out shopping for groceries, Toru. The Chanel model? Really? I was kind of hoping for the Gucci one, she seems so nice to her assistant.

I say this like you're a celebrity. A celebrity that I can just laugh at, and say "must be nice, having supermodels fall into your lap!" You were mine, once, long before you were hers. I love loved you.

I did something stupid, last night. Remember Kenji, from high school? The one you always hated? I can't even explain it, how furious I was, when I saw you with that model. You looked so happy, like it didn't matter that all your joy and abundance didn't come at my expense.

I ended up sleeping with him for the first time, with anyone for the first time really. I'm not going to write more; it's embarrassing, and it wasn't even good, but I think I'm more upset with myself. It doesn't matter.

It's not like you'll ever find out. Even if you do, it's not like you'll care.

It's not like my love mattered to you to begin with.

Suguru's chest feels as though someone has washed his heart in acid. On paper, the person you were after they left was more jaded. Less optimistic. You no longer spoke of things you wished they were able to experience with you, but rather all the things they'd left behind. You thought they didn't care, and as he forces his useless lungs to take another breath, he knows that he can't leave this town until he convinces you to come with him. As he stumbles down from the attic, dress in hand, your mother gives him a knowing stare.

"Did you find the dress I asked you to grab?"

"Yes ma'am," Suguru says numbly. It's all he says. It's all he can say. Your mother sighs, patting the chair next to her. "Why don't you call Satoru over, hm? Try some of the tea I bought. I remember your mother saying you only drink black. You really should call her more."

Why is light given to a man whose way is hid, and whom God hath hedged in?

"I'm home!" you call out, slipping your shoes off with one hand as you balance the full bag of groceries in the other. "Did you take your medi-"

The carrots drop to the floor as you take in the sight of Gojo and Geto sitting at your kitchen table with your mother of all people. "What the fuck?"

Geto's eyes are rimmed red, like he'd been crying, while Satoru stares at you with a hint of anguish. "What the fuck," you repeat again, dumbfounded. "Why are you in my house right now?"

Geto opens his mouth to speak, but your mother waves it away. "You know how bad my back's been lately, I really wanted to wear that old emerald dress your father got me, do you remember?"

Stunned, you can only nod.

"And, I didn't want to have you come all the way back from the city just to grab a dress for me, so I called over Suguru and Satoru to help me out," your mother finishes. You can't stop the panic from leaking into your voice.

"Where was the dress?"

From the look on their faces, you know that Geto and Gojo have found it. All the letters you were too weak to send, too weak to throw away. How much did they read?

"The attic, dear," is your mother's quiet response, and when you turn her attention to her, you can see the quiet love and encouragement in her eyes.

What's more important? The love for all the things they did do, or all the things they didn't?

White noises rushes into your head, and you can barely process your mother's departure. Something about Bingo Night? The door clicks shut and you're left with silence so profound that your body almost instinctively crumples in on itself. Suguru can't look you in the eyes, absentmindedly tracing the rim of the delicate porcelain teacup that looks comically small next to his calloused hands. Satoru merely watches, but you can see the tension in his neck, in the way his fingers flex around empty air.

So, you do the only thing you can do. You run.

Turning, you all but sprint up the stairs. You lied. You couldn't do this, couldn't face them, see them, hear them-

Toned arms reach around from behind, pulling you decisively to a well-defined chest. The air is forced out of your lungs as you yelp, squirming out of the hold, only to freeze as Satoru places his cheek on your head, nuzzling into your hair.

"I missed you."

Tears spring to your eyes but Satoru keeps going. "You were the only thing that kept us going. Our apartment was so shitty, we had to put cardboard on the floor just to keep warm. I thought of you all the time. I thought of which stage outfit you'd like better, how you would get along so well with the other members of the group. We didn't forget you. We love you too much for that."

"Stop," you choke out, as your legs crumple under you. Satoru catches you, tugging you further into him, as tears trickle down your face. A blurred shape; Suguru, kneeling in front of you, gently taking your hands in his.

"One chance, princess," he breathes. "Give us one chance to explain ourselves. After that, we'll do whatever you want, give you whatever you want. We've only ever been yours."