#no alcohol or opiates

[ghostdata]

7 years sober today!!!!!

[kevindelreyy]

Delorazepam I'm delay

[antspaul]

they’re both doing lines off susies ass tonight

[slutdge]

why isnt substance abuse working like it used to this fucking sucks even more than usual

[exjunkiebaby]

6 months clean

One week ago I accomplished 6 months of being clean and sober, totally abstinent from ALL drugs (including weed). I have never had this much time since I was 16 years old. I can’t tell you how I did it. I’m in shock and awe at myself. My family is actually proud of me. The people I love can sleep soundly. I no longer cause chaos in everything I touch. I feel free.

I guess I did it one day at a time. That’s all I could do. I’ve been wanting to use again, but logically it makes no sense. I can’t go backwards - I’ve worked so hard to get here. I currently have covid but I have never been so in love with my life. Most days are endless and boring, but occasionally I am surrounded by burning bright souls. My sister, my parents, my friends - admiring my brothers accomplishments from afar - I love them all so much.

If you are hopeless and alone, I understand you. I feel you. I was once in your shoes and I wanted to die. I wanted to do fentanyl, fall out, and pass away. But I wasn’t ready to put my loved ones through my funeral. I wasn’t ready to leave a shore of monumental pain. Going to rehab for the 5th time truly fucking saved my life.

I can get one year. I know it! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers throughout this journey - they worked!

[incorrectquotesideas-deactivated]

Person A: Do you want a beer? I’m paying.

Person B, going through the restaurant’s menu: No. Ugh, where’s the good stuff?

Person A, half jokingly: I thought you were an alcoholic.

Person B: Exactly. I’d need at least, like, four beers — without food — to get slightly buzzed, and my stomach can’t fit over 2 beers in it. I’m small. I’ll have a rum, neat.

[abelincolnsschlong]

Meth is crazy. I urge you never to try it

[fvneral-m00n]

Its so cute when people show off like two or three bars on the gram or any other social like say hi to my 650 fuck yous.

[faofinn]

No.6 "Do or die, you'll never make me, because the world will never take my heart."

@whumptober-archive

Recording | Made To Watch | "It should have been me."

A follow up to something we've not posted, around the anniversary of Fao's accident (as well as Hars' and the death of Marcus) Hars falls back into drinking and using his painkillers a little too much...

Harrison hadn't long been discharged after his relapse and poor oramorph dosing. Tai had begged him to stay at his place, promised him rides to and from his place whenever, but he needed him to stay. He'd had a small withdrawal in the scheme of things, and he was slightly grateful it had been so mild. Of course, it still took it all out of him, and with the next lot of anniversaries coming up, he didn’t have anything left. 

In the end, he'd given in to Tai. It was the best option he'd been given; Steve would be at work most of the day, as would Fao, and he'd spent too many breakdowns at the Daniels to spend another. Tai hadn't run during his breakdown in hospital, and, as stupid as he knew it was, he almost felt like they'd become stronger together.  Besides, he liked Tai's company, his boyfriend managing to make him laugh even when he was at the bottom. 

Tai had had holidays to take regardless, so happily took those to stay off with Harrison. They'd chatted more when they were in hospital about everything, though he could tell that Harrison had censored most of it. So, of course, Tai had planned the week out - duvet days and favourite films, takeouts instead of cooking, just lazy days together. Harrison hadn't been allowed to see the full plan, but the fact Tai had even just taken the time off work meant the world to him. Emergency meds had been prescribed, just in case, and Tai kept them safe. They'd picked up everything they needed from Harrison’s, but Tai had also bought soft pjs and snugly socks for him too.

All of Tai’s little touches almost overwhelmed him; nobody had gone so far, done so much like this for him. They settled on the sofa together, Tai wrapped around Harrison and a daft film playing in the background. Food was ordered and eaten, and Harrison was, surprisingly to him, feeling a bit better when he finally drifted off.

Tai was so, so glad to have Harrison at his. It had been a whirlwind of emotions, hard to fully understand, but he knew that his boyfriend was safe and on the road to recovery, and that was what mattered. There were still things left unsaid, but there would be time for that. When they fell asleep in bed that night, Tai held him close, running a hand through his hair and promising him under his breath that he was always going to be there for him. He waited until he was sure Harrison was asleep before he finally let himself drift, warm and comfortable. 

Harrison had expected a night of no sleep, just tossing and turning, but with tai by his side, somehow he didn't. It was the sun that woke him, the room starting to get bright. While his first thought was Marcus, that it should have been him with him, it was Tai as he curled up again, Tai he wanted. 

Tai woke when Harrison did, humming softly. “Hey, good morning.” He greeted softly. 

He pressed closer, skin against skin, just breathing in his scent. His attempt at a greeting was half-hearted, somewhere between a hum and grunt.

“Sleep okay?” He asked. “I figured we could stay in bed for a while.”

Harrison nodded against his chest, reaching his hand out to trail his fingers across Tai's bare skin.  "I don't want to move." 

“Let’s not, then.”

"I need to go out."

“Oh?”

"I'll just go myself, though. It's fine."

“No, it’s okay. I’ll drive you. When do you need to go?”

"You don't know the way."

“I’m sure you can direct me.”

He closed his eyes with a sigh, defeated. "Okay."

“Are you wanting to go now? Or stay in bed for a bit first?”

He wasn't sure he could manage it right that moment. "Later."

“Later.” Tai agreed. “Don’t know about you, but I’m pretty comfy.”

He absently traced his fingertips over pale skin. "I'm home."

“I hope I’m always home to you.”

He tipped his face up to kiss him softly. "Me too."

Tai smiled against his lips. “You’re pretty special, you know  that? I’m lucky to have you.”

There was a sadness to his eyes. "I'm not, you know that."

“You are.”

He shook his head, kissing him gently again. "Don't be daft."

“Always daft. But I’m telling the truth.”

"Thank you."

“You want bacon for breakfast?”

"Prefer you." He muttered before his brain caught up, guilt flaring. "Yeah, bacon."

Tai laughed. “Oh, it’s like that is it?”

He hummed with a shrug. "Maybe."

“Tease.”

"I'm not the tease."

“Oh, that’s fighting talk.”

"Not looking like you." He trailed his fingers further down. "Especially topless."

He laughed again. “Well, it’s warm having you on top of me.”

"Oh, so my fault? I can leave if you're complaining."

“Never said it was a complaint.”

Harrison still pulled back from Tai, mischief in his eyes. 

“Hey, come on.”

"What?" He feigned innocence. 

“Come back.” He said with a pout. 

"Make me."

Tai sat up, leaning forward to cup Harrison’s face and kiss him.

Harrison grinned into it, his hand moving to rest on Tai's hip. It was lazy and relaxed, just what Harrison needed to take his mind off things. 

Tai melted into Harrison’s touch. He knew full well that Harrison probably wasn’t in the right headspace for this, but it was nice to show him he cared, that he still wanted him, after everything. 

He pulled back with a sigh, brushing a strand of hair from Tai's face. "I do love you, you know?"

“Of course I know.” Tai said softly. 

"I didn't do it because I didn't love you." Harrison couldn't meet his eyes. "I know I've said it before. I know it doesn’t make it better. But, it's true."

Tai sighed, his thumb stroking Harrison's cheek. "I know."

He leaned into his touch, letting his eyes close for a moment. With a shaky sigh, he kissed Tai's hand. "I wouldn't hate it if you drove me. But…but it's for Marcus, it's the anniversary of his…his death. I always go."

Tai could tell Harrison was close to tears, his heart breaking at the shake of his boyfriend’s voice. He swallowed thickly, though felt out of his depth. "I'd be honoured to take you. Do you take flowers?"

Harrison sat up, drawing his knee to his chest. "Sometimes. Sometimes I take some jammy dodgers, he loved them. And then the letters I've written him."

“We’ll go via the shops, then. Grab some stuff.” Tai decided. 

He managed a smile, falling a little more in love with him. "Thank you."

“And we can get some stuff for us, too.”

"Yeah."

“Whatever you fancy.” Tai said, kissing his forehead. 

They didn't stay in bed too much longer, swinging by the shops before heading to the cemetery. It was a little bit of a drive, Harrison was quiet on the way, and Tai didn't push it. He couldn't imagine what he was going through, and he didn't begin to pretend. He rested his hand on his thigh as he drove, hoping it would be of some comfort to his boyfriend. In response, Harrison rested his hand on Tai's,  saying nothing but appreciating it all the same.

When they arrived, Tai found a parking space, and then looked over at his boyfriend. “Do you want me to wait here? Or come with? I don’t mind.”

"I, uh, I don't know." He'd never had anyone like Tai with him; Steve had brought him when he was still recovering, but then he'd always been alone.

“Why don’t I come, and then if you want to be alone you can just say and I’ll go back to the car.”

"Thank you."

He shrugged. “No need to thank me.”

"There is."

“Just doing the right thing.” Tai said, getting out of the car. He offered Harrison a hand once he was out, making sure they had the bag of stuff, and then he let his boyfriend lead the way. 

Harrison didn't say anything as they walked, gripping Tai's hand. He appreciated the support, more than he'd expected, and it choked him up more than he'd thought it would. 

Tai didn’t say anything either, not sure exactly what to say. He let Harrison lead the way, and as they arrived at the grave, and he hesitated. Did Harrison want him to come closer? Would he rather have a little bit of space?

"Can I have the bag?"

“Yeah, of course.” Tai said, offering it to him. 

"Thanks." He took it awkwardly, taking a moment. "Could, uh, could I have a minute?"

“‘Course.” Tai said, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"Thanks." He repeated, padding over to the grave. 

He struggled to his knees and then sat, brushing a small piece of moss from the headstone. He pulled the flowers out, settling them in the small cup, making sure they were neat and tidy.

"Hey, Marcus." His voice cracked. "Tai drove me here today, you’d like him. Fao likes him, and Steve too. He bought the flowers for you, had the shop assistant go and find some biscuits too, you should have seen him. He was adamant we weren't leaving until I had them for you.

"I fucked up the other week, you'd have been so mad at me for it, told me to not be so daft. I didn't mean to start drinking again, but it was just too much and it was the easier way out." He took a shaky breath, tears falling. "I really fucking wish you were here. I really miss you. I don't know how I'm supposed to just keep living without you. You'd have done so much more than I have, I just fuck everything up. You should still be here. If I'd been a bit slower, you'd still have been here. It should have been me."

He could barely catch his breath between the sobs, and the guilt about their accident was only made worse by his want to be held by Tai, not Marcus. He turned to his boyfriend, stretching an arm out for him. 

Tai had walked a little way away, giving Hars the space he needed. He stayed close enough just to hear his voice, but not what he’d said, and he’d been looking at his feet in the grass when he heard Harrison’s sobs. Looking up, he frowned, noticing how he reached out for him. He was immediately on his knees by his side, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” 

He fell into Tai's arms, gripping tightly onto his hoodie. He didn't say anything, didn't bother to try, just let himself be held, breathing in Tai's scent. 

“You’re okay, it’s okay. Just breathe, I’ve got you.” Tai rubbed over his back soothingly, his heart breaking for him. 

"It should have been me."

“Hey, no.”

His shoulders shook with each sob. "It should have."

“No, no. He wouldn’t think that.”

"But I do."

Tai moved to kiss his forehead. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad I get to love you.” 

[ninelivesastrology]

One of the boundaries I made for myself, especially as a mother is not to allow myself to have friends with active substance addiction disorder. I remember venting to my friend about my abuser's meltdowns when he was drinking and she was taking it personally as if I was talking about her. Maybe it wasn't a good choice, I didn't know she struggled with alcohol and other shit.

I learned the hard way that sometimes when you're the friend that doesn't have issues like that, your friends with those issues can resent you especially when you talk about how your boyfriend needs to be in recovery and that you feel trapped and scared and you want to leave because it reminds them of the damage their own addictions inflict on their relationships.

I don't drink anymore for so many reasons and I never had a problem with it. It was her that made me decide on this. I feel like I come across as the "responsible" person and she expected me to solve all her issues because she was incapable of doing it herself. When I rejected her, she started spreading rumors about how I was the addict because she sent me admissions of her various addictions. Sure, Jan. The film projector wants its job back. I just didn't realize until now that you end up appearing as guilty by association.

Even other addicts resent addicts in recovery. They say they don't start recovery unless they want to and if such hatred was directed my way for not being an addict, I can only imagine what it's like for someone that's been in recovery.

I told my therapist I don't like being the victim of someone's insecurities and that's why I decided on this boundary. You know, I don't think I could be a mom and have a friend group full of addicts. I'm dissecting why they throw themselves at me.

In addition, my husband's mother is an opiate addict of over 30 years and she took my lack of interest in drugs as a personal attack and helped spread those rumors, too.

She even tried to see if she could manipulate me into drinking spoiled milk because she wanted to see if I would blindly do what she said. I knew why she did it because she preys on people and introduces them to opiates and has a long history with other substances. I made half-jokes that she's the person they warn about for putting drugs in kids' Halloween candy, but it's not really a joke.

Sigh, much to think about.

[wolfram-afternoons]

this whole drugs thing is working out pretty nice. glad it's got no downsides

[kevindelreyy]

a kiss to everyone before I die💞

[mettleburdened]

I've been thinking, besides law being stuck with "vitiligo" in his corazon verse, that even if he no longer has the disease, he still gets phantom pains that on some days, most of which makes him feel like he's dying all over again.

which leads him to medicate with painkillers because there's nothing there that his fruit can fix, & undoubtedly he gets hooked on them. sometimes he'll even mix them with hard liquor or wine, depending on certain parties doffy holds or if he's offered anything during dinner or any time of the day, really.

as long as he can perform his duties, both him & doffy don't really "care" how fucked up he gets.

[cyb3rph0bik]

[recovery4ever]

"Harness Food's Power to Combat Alcohol Cravings and Rebuild Your Life"

Alcohol cravings are difficult to manage and can represent a major challenge for those who are undergoing treatment for addiction. That’s why it’s so important to develop effective strategies to overcome them. Eating certain types of food can help reduce the intensity of cravings. A few examples of these include:

High-fiber carbohydrates like oatmeal, brown rice, quinoa, and bran cereals

Leafy greens like spinach or kale

Omega-3-rich foods like fish and flaxseeds

It’s important to create a meal plan for each day and stick to it, as it can provide enough structure to combat the urge to drink. Regular, consistent meals and snacks can keep blood sugar levels even, and thus reduce the possibility of cravings. Moreover, having balanced meals can improve the way people feel both physically and mentally. Eating plenty of fresh produce is helpful as well. Whole fruits and vegetables are nutritionally dense and can help reduce cravings. Eating snacks that are high in protein and complex carbohydrates can also be beneficial. Hummus, almonds, and nut butters are some examples of healthy snacks that can help with cravings. Hydrating throughout the day is important too. Staying hydrated is essential to physical and mental health. While drinking too much water can be a challenge for those recovering from addiction, it can be helpful to prepare a schedule that increases hydration levels in a gentle and progressive way. Nutritional counseling can be especially beneficial for those who are recovering from alcohol abuse and addiction. Working closely with a nutritionist or dietitian can be hugely advantageous, as they will be able to create an individualized plan that meets the needs of each patient. At Banyan Treatment Center, we understand the importance of nutrition when it comes to addicted patients. We have certified nutritionists and dietitians on staff, who can help put together an individualized plan tailored to each patient's specific needs. We offer comprehensive drug rehabilitation services, as well as various types of behavioral, psychological, and holistic counseling. Contact us today to learn more about our addiction treatment centers.

[incorrectquotesideas-deactivated]

Person A, reading the pre-written eulogy Person B wrote to them: “Hi, I’m Person A. Gee, I hope I don’t roll this eulogy up and smoke it.” Is that what you really think of me? I’m not just a drug guy, you know? I speak latin!

Person C: Yeah, sure.

Person D: Yeah, dude, you love weed, we get it.