#night of the doctor Haunts me you must know

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?

[cherienymphe]

The Ghost of Harding Manor

Friedrich Harding x Reader

Summary: Your marriage is haunted by the ghost of the wife who came before you, and the walls of Harding Manor bear witness to your husband's descent into madness.

warnings: Dub-Con, loss of virginity, obsession, unsure if stalking counts if it takes place in your own home, implied chronically ill!reader

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | ➥ divider by @firefly-graphics

♱

You were not Anna.

You were reminded every day from the moment you wed Friedrich Harding and became his missus that you were not Anna. Anna who was perfect and said the right things and walked the right way and was a walking temptation to the man she called her husband. Anna who—even in death—called to Friedrich from beyond and was nearly successful if it were not for strong hands and strong voices keeping the dark-haired man from throwing himself into her coffin with her. Anna who was well on her way to giving your husband a third child.

Anna whose touch still lingered in this home and along these walls and in the long dead flowers that Friedrich refused to throw out.

Anna who haunted you much more than she haunted your new husband.

Illness had not just taken the angelic beauty, but her three children with her, one never even getting the chance to take his first breath. In your solitude, you sometimes thought that you did not know what was worse—their two daughters remaining and forcing you to fill the void the other woman left in multiple lives…or your life as it were as you were forced to give Friedrich a whole new family and reason for existing.

You knew from the moment you became betrothed that you had a heavy vacancy to fill…but it seemed that Friedrich had no intention of you filling it.

“He does not touch me, mother.”

The words were whispered in the quiet home one day, and you looked around, ignoring the feel of the older woman’s gaze in favor of imagining what this house must have been like before the tragedy. You imagined how loud it must have been with two animated little girls running around. You imagined how good Friedrich must have been with them, and thoughts of Anna welcoming him home with a kiss and her arms full made your heart sink.

You were not her.

The advice of your mother went into one ear and out the other. You had long accepted that you were a poor replacement that Friedrich could hardly stand to look at. You were alone on your wedding night and again the night after that and the night after that. You were always alone, and the few glimpses that you got of your husband since the wedding day only proved fruitful in your gazes meeting for a stolen moment…and then he was gone again.

You were always alone, and he was always gone…

Until the morning you would not rise from your bed.

The fever struck you in the night, and by the time morning came you felt weighed down by sand. Any strength you had was used to keep your breathing as even as possible, unable to even muster an attempt to open your eyes and tell your cold husband that you were well. Conversations swirled around your head for what felt like days, and in between the feverish dreams, you caught diagnoses and assurances here and there.

“It is merely a cold,” the doctor told Friedrich. “Her body is fighting it quite well, and she will be like new in a matter of days.”

You recalled agreeing with the assessment, feeling more fatigued than anything else—you’d always been rather sickly—but your peace had been broken for the first time in months. The voice of your husband had reached your ears—so broken and angry and unlike anything you had experienced with him.

“...and how exactly did this come about? She never even leaves the house, for God’s sake.”

You heard the rustle of fabric and heavy steps and an even heavier sigh.

“In a matter of a night, my wife has taken ill, and I am assured that she will recover in no time, but I have heard that before…” his voice shook. “I will not bury another wife—I cannot!”

It all seemed so unlike him, and so you convinced yourself that you merely dreamt it up. The fever was clouding your mind and making you conjure up your innermost desires, namely Friedrich caring for you for more than just a societal duty to bear sons that would carry on his name. You allowed yourself to slip into darkness and dream some more.

A masculine hand in yours, a finger tracing patterns into your stomach through the fabric of the bedding, soft lips brushing along your fingers and facial hair tickling your flesh. Your mind conjured up all sorts of things that simply could not be true, and yet when you fully opened your eyes for the first time in days, you were not alone.

It was not easy to place the look upon Friedrich’s face as he stared down at you, towering over your bed with a smoke in hand and dark circles beneath his eyes. He did not look well himself, and you could not help running your eyes over him, wondering just how much sleep he had gotten this past week. The room was quiet as you two just stared at each other, and just as you parted your lips to inquire about his own health, he was abruptly turning away from you. His voice rang throughout the house as he demanded someone send for the doctor.

It was only hours later that it was professionally confirmed that you were almost as good as new and would probably only have to put up with a light cough for the next day or two. Hearing those words relieved you, and when you looked up at your husband, you could not tell if he shared your relief. You frowned up at him as the doctor poked and prodded at you, wondering, for the first time, just what the dark-haired young man was thinking.

He only stared back.

In fact, he only ever stared these days.

When you were walking through the silent house much like the ghost that haunted your marriage, you could feel the heavy weight of his stare pressing down on you. It was not easy to ignore—nor did you want to—but whenever you turned, no husband was there to meet your gaze. The only sign of his presence was the flutter of a broad shadow passing along the walls. He was much bolder when you found your nose buried in a book, and oftentimes when you lifted your gaze to catch him, he did not shy away.

“Yes?” you would wonder, voice quiet as both uncertainty and unease filled you.

Sometimes he did not answer, merely content to gaze at you, and other times he took his time in responding. He would exhale smoke and it would billow between you, briefly obscuring his features before he swiped his tongue between his lips.

“Supper will be ready within the hour.”

You would nod, and he would make no move to leave, and you would be forced to turn your eyes back to the pages before you…resolving to ignore the silent presence in the doorway that was your husband. You found yourself doing that a lot—resolving to ignore his presence. Otherwise, you would never get anything done.

His gaze clung to you when you ate, the dinner table silent outside of the sound of food and utensils hitting dishes. When your eyes would meet, you would send him a small smile, thinking to yourself that your marriage was just progressing slower than most, but he never returned it. He never smiled at you, only preferring to stare. When you ate, when you read, when you found yourself outside amongst the flowers…even when you slept.

You had never once shared a bed, so it was startling to answer a knock on your door one night, coming face to face with your other half. Your nightdress kissed your feet, and the sleeves tickled your hand, and despite that, Friedrich gazed at you as if you were standing naked before him.

“I only wish to make sure you are well throughout the night.”

You did not know how you felt both relief and disappointment, but you managed.

It took you some time to respond, nodding with a small ‘of course’. You still let out a cough here and there, and you did not miss the way Friedrich’s head would abruptly turn with every heave of your chest. Your marriage may have been cold and strange, but it was obvious that your husband had grown paranoid with the fear of burying a wife for a second time. You imagined that it would not reflect well on him.

…and so you laid beside him and closed your eyes and even in the cover of darkness…

You could feel his gaze.

It unsettled you, and you had half a mind to seek the advice of your mother the next time your parents came for a visit, but she—ever zestful and bold—completely took hold of your train of thought.

“...and when might I expect a grandchild?”

There was a teasing smile on her lips as she regarded you, and you merely sighed before taking a sip of your tea.

“You know my situation, mother,” you murmured, setting your cup aside.

Father was with Friedrich, and you hoped that he was enjoying his company much more than he seemed to his daughter.

“Yes, but that was months ago, and I can tell that things have shifted.”

At that, you frowned, turning to face her.

“Whatever do you mean?”

Your marriage was just as cold as it was in the beginning, only now a strange voyeuristic atmosphere had descended over it. Your husband had gone from ignoring your very presence to shadowing your every footstep in the house. Her light chuckle made you flinch, and she gazed at you as if you were playing some joke on her.

“Darling,” she took a sip of the warm drink. “I saw the way he was looking at you when you welcomed us through those doors.”

Your frown deepened.

“That is the gaze of a man fighting with all of his might to resist his beloved wife.”

Now it was your turn to think she was playing a jest with you, but you had no more time to linger on that for the voices of your father and husband soon filled the house as they made their way inside. You could only swallow as mother stood to welcome father back, slowly rising as your own husband neared you. When you traced his face with your eyes, you noticed the ease upon it, and you felt relieved to see that he and your father got on well. He looked like any normal man alight with the mirth that came from being in the company of other like minded men, and so you disregarded your mother’s words.

As you stepped past him to approach your father, your back felt aflame with the heat of a familiar gaze.

You saw them out and wished them safe travels and your father placed his hand on your cheek before he went, speaking good health over you. While he may have been used to your sickly nature, any instance that required bed confinement for his daughter always worried him. He wanted to leave with the trust that you would be well looked after…and well looked after you were.

“Your father was very transparent with me about your health.”

Friedrich towered over you as you sat at the table, having been unsure where this conversation was heading when he interrupted supper. A small container was in his large hand, and when your gaze lifted from the bottle to his eyes, you swore that you saw him falter, his words momentarily stuck in his throat.

He placed the bottle down before you, his hand remaining on the table, and the scent of him filled your nose.

“I have gotten the doctor to make a tonic for you. You are to take a few drops with your meal once a week… It will keep your strength and health up.”

He only moved again to open it, and despite the fact that you felt it was hardly necessary—having survived so long without it—one look into the eyes of your husband told you that not only could it not hurt, but for his peace of mind, you needed to do this. You two gazed at one another as he held it in his hand, and after some time, you realized what he wanted. Parting your lips for him, you swallowed down the few drops he administered to you, but even after you swallowed the herbal mixture down…Friedrich continued to stand over you.

It was in this moment that you finally started to voice your thoughts, asking him why he stared at you so when his movements completely stumped you.

His thumb found the corner of your mouth, startling you, and it remained there for some time before he brought it to his lips, tasting whatever had been lingering there. His blue eyes—normally so cold and unreadable in your presence—suddenly glinted with a look you could not place. It happened so fast that you would have missed it, but you did not, and the intensity there was enough to make your heart skip a beat.

Friedrich parted from you as if nothing had happened, and you watched him round the table to take his place across from you once again. It took you some time to pick up your utensils again, rejoining him in eating your supper, and now it was your turn to stare at him…unable to forget that shadowy something that passed through those blue eyes.

He was staring again.

The wind howled outside of the window with the storm and flashes of lightning lit up the otherwise dark room from time to time and your chest and shoulders moved evenly as you feigned sleep. You stared at the wall before you, and Friedrich stared at you. If at all possible, he grew more shameless with it, and if you were a normal loving couple just so wrapped up in each other—as you were sure he was with Anna—then some part of you might have found it romantic.

Tantalizing even.

As it were, you were not, and as silly as it seemed…you felt hunted in your own house.

You constantly felt like prey under his ever watchful eye no matter how justified he made it seem. Concern for your health, making sure no food disagreed with you, seeing how fair you slept. The paranoia of losing another wife suffocated you both for different reasons and in different ways, and you felt as if you were moments away from choking. Your mother’s voice crawled through your mind, and words that you had once dismissed now rang through your thoughts like a melody.

The room glowed with another flash of lightning…and you felt the gentle feel of fingers on the side of your face. You sharply inhaled, startled from both the sudden touch and the foreignness of it. His hand rested on your hair, ensuring that he could gaze upon your face no doubt, and when you felt the bed jostle, you closed your eyes. His lips found your tresses, and his hand found your shoulder, and you both heard and felt him breathe you in.

Friedrich’s nose traced the curve of your ear and he descended until his face was buried in the crook of your neck. Despite all of this, your heart remained steady, and you remained still as he gently pressed his lips to your skin and traced patterns through your sleeve. You felt his larger frame shifting closer, and at that—at the feel of him pressed so closely to you to where you could feel every curve and ridge of him—you shuddered.

Yet you still feigned sleep.

“You will never be her,” the words he murmured into your skin had your brows furrowing. “...and I will never let you.”

Contradictory to the words that left his lips, the hand on your arm found its way to your waist, his arm completely circling you and holding you to him. That was how he remained throughout the night, and only when you accepted the permanence of his position, did you finally allow yourself to find sleep.

It was dreamless, and when you woke up, you woke up alone.

You chose to ignore the relief that filled you at that discovery, telling yourself that Friedrich was still grieving. It was an easy answer to his behavior and treatment of you, and yet, you wondered how much longer you had to endure it. You wondered how much longer you would feel watched and shadowed in your own house.

At breakfast, you parted your lips for Friedrich as he gave you a few drops of the tonic, and he watched you eat, and you pretended not to notice. For some time that is. Finally, after a while, you placed your utensils down, and you lifted your gaze to meet his head on. Ever bold, he did not look away, those blue eyes momentarily making you lose your train of thought.

“Why do you stare at me so?”

You finally voiced your concerns with him, and you watched the mustache twitch from the movements of his mouth at your sudden and brazen question. Friedrich looked as if he had never anticipated you asking that of him, but eventually he straightened, pushing his shoulders back as he studied your face.

“I am afraid you will slip away.”

His answer made you blink, eyes widening slightly.

“I fear…” he cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. “...like my Anna, you will slip from my grasp.”

Your lips parted at the unexpected answer, and you were unsure of how to respond. Friedrich took a deep breath before digging into his own breakfast, those blue eyes finally refusing to meet yours.

“I will not allow you to become her…lost to me too.”

It was in that moment that you realized you completely misconstrued his words from the previous night, and you stared at the man before you who was so desperate and driven to uncomfortable lengths to ensure he did not bury another wife. Some part of you felt awful for feeling so put off by his uncanny behavior…but some other part of you recognized that your husband was slowly being pushed to madness.

If he were not so already.

“She vexes me so…”

Those were the words you overheard a week later, your house hosting a small handful of people that Friedrich knew. The wives took to you well despite your quiet disposition, and when they proposed an evening walk along the beach, you went in search of your husband to inform him. When you found him, he was in the company of three other men, the smell of tobacco reached you first and then his words followed.

You froze the moment you realized it was you he was referring to.

“She is so quiet and frail…like a mouse” there were a few chuckles. “...and I so desire to hear her squeak.”

You felt yourself take a step back.

“...but it is because she is so fragile that I cannot bring myself to touch her…” you heard Friedrich inhale. “I fear I would ravage her.”

How was it possible for his words to both terrify and entice you? It was a relief to know that your husband did not balk at the sight of you as you once thought, but you did not hold the same sentiment in confirming you were indeed being hunted in your own house. Friedrich had made no moves to warm you to him and progress this marriage in a way that a normal man would. After all these months, he was still little more than a stranger to you.

A stranger that was increasingly losing himself more and more at the thought of ever losing you.

“...but Friedrich we only just got here.”

You looked to him with a slight frown, the ocean breeze a soothing feeling against your skin. So turned around by his words from the other night, you had completely forgotten all about the beach, returning to the other wives in a bit of a daze, something they happily sat you down and fetched some water for.

With one look at you surrounded and feverish with some water in your hand, Friedrich had cleared the house out immediately, saddening you. You were at the beach, now to make up for it, but you were sure that you had only been here all of ten minutes.

“It is a bit airish out,” he said to you, keeping your hand in place on his arm. “I do not wish to see you fall ill again.”

You struggled to argue with him about your health, understanding both the sensitive nature of the topic and the determination in his eyes to see you back inside the house. Despite what you wanted, you allowed him to guide you away from the water and sand. His hand remained on yours the whole way, and the closer you got to your home, the more your unease grew.

“Perhaps we can try again if the weather is better tomorrow,” you proposed the moment you were inside the warm walls of the house.

Your husband did not answer right away as he removed his coat, and for a moment you feared he never would, but his eyes met yours as he turned to you. He was gentle and meticulous in unbuttoning your own coat, his chest so close to yours as he slowly peeled it off of you. The words that he did not know you heard were on your mind as he looked down his nose at you, and he only answered when your arms were finally free.

“We shall see.”

His tone and his words did not seem to be in agreement, and you were unsurprised when tomorrow came and went and you did not leave the walls of your home. You found enjoyment in your books instead, and like always, you eventually felt goosebumps crawl over your arms as you became the subject of his scrutiny yet again.

Only this time, you were surprised to hear him approach.

“Read to me,” he quietly asked—demanded—of you, and you felt his hand in your hair as he sat down on the couch behind you.

It was an unexpected request, and you were silent for a few moments more as he made himself comfortable behind you. His legs were on either side of you as you relaxed on the floor, the fabric of your dresses and undergarments cushioning your bottom. It took you some time to do as he asked, but once you did, you started to forget that he was even there.

Until his fingers started to move over your scalp and he drew himself closer, his knees in your line of vision now, and his gentle breathing started to accompany the sound of your own voice. You read to him for what felt like hours, both of you only pulled from the moment when the cook informed you that dinner would be ready soon.

Much of your time was spent reading to Friedrich these days, and you wondered if he thought it a sufficient enough distraction to ensure you hardly noticed he never let you out of the house anymore. Your requests to go to the beach grew less and less with every denial and every ‘maybe’ that would just turn into a denial. The day you asked to accompany one of the staff to the market, he visibly blanched, his head shaking as he snarked at you how completely out of the question that was.

You finally spoke up when the monthly visit from your parents did not come to pass.

“I did not think it wise for them to be here,” was his only defense, and you gaped at him.

“...and why not? Why am I the last to know this?”

His hand wrapped around your arm as he pulled you away from the curious eyes and ears of the kitchen staff, guiding you through the house with that long stride of his that almost made it hard to keep up. When he noticed, he slowed down, eventually halting his movements just outside of his study, and when you hesitantly reached for your arm, Friedrich loosened his hold.

You watched him use his free hand to gently brush his fingers over the appendage, looking down at it with a frown before meeting your gaze with a more even stare. 

“...because they are always trotting off to God knows where around God knows who, and I will not allow them to bring even so much as a shallow cough into this household.”

You blinked at your husband, understanding dawning on you, and you struggled with a response. You realized now that appeasing his paranoia—not fighting it and letting him have his way—was doing more harm than good. Friedrich was so good at hiding his emotions from you—even the ones you wanted to know about—but in the dimly lit hallway, you could see it clear as day in his eyes.

He was consumed with the fear that you would wind up just like Anna and his children.

Taking a deep breath, you hesitantly reached for his hand, removing it from your arm. You did not break your gaze, wanting him to listen to you loud and clear, and you swallowed down the unease that filled you as you stood under his unwavering gaze.

“Friedrich…” you whispered to him, so unused to the feel of his name on your tongue. “That is no way for me to live a life.”

He pushed his shoulders back at that, and you knew that he was going to argue with you, so you continued.

“You have gotten me a tonic from the doctor…I am the healthiest I have ever been…and I would very much like to see my mother and father.”

His mustache twitched as the corner of his mouth curved upwards at your attempt to put your foot down. The both of you stood there for a lengthy amount of time, just staring at one another, and for the briefest of moments, you thought that Friedrich would see reason. Your hand was still on his, and your husband maneuvered them so that your hand was now in his, and when he stopped closer, you knew then that you were not getting your way.

“Perhaps some other time.”

You knew what that meant as you watched him walk away, and dread began to fill you as the reality of your predicament was truly setting in. Your eyes roamed along the walls, no longer feeling haunted by Anna, but her husband instead. He was haunting you, and she was haunting him, and in his desperation to keep you from suffering the same fate as his previous wife, Friedrich seemed content to keep you behind a gilded cage, a manicured box.

Like a porcelain doll.

Your days were consumed with only him and the house—reading to him, tending to the flowers, picking out patterns for some new drapes or a new rug to be made. It was enough to ignore the obvious for a while, enough to keep your mind off of the prolonged absence of your parents and the unmet desires to see the water and the way Friedrich stared at you like he expected you to crumble at the drop of a hat.

He was driving you nearly mad as he, and perhaps that was why you did it.

The caretaker was new and had not yet learned that Friedrich Harding preferred to keep his new wife locked up like some sickly child. Why would she? You were sure that you would be back home before he returned, but when you entered your home—the sun still at its peak outside—you did not miss the way some of the servants avoided your gaze. Only one approached you, quietly taking your coat as her gaze found the floor.

“Mr. Harding is waiting for you both…”

Your heart sank at her words, and you looked to the caretaker, knowing that you just cost her employment. That had never been your intention, and you walked ahead of her, prepared to plead her case to your husband, but he let her go on the spot before you could get a word in. Everything you said went ignored, every plea and every excuse, and it was only when the staff made themselves conveniently scarce did your proper and mighty well-to-do husband finally…

Break.

“Do you wish to ruin me? Is that it?”

His voice bounced off of the walls, and your lips parted as he stared you down. His eyes were alight with every emotion known to man, and his shoulders heaved with every breath he took. You only just started to shake your head when he spoke again.

“For surely it will be the end of me if I have to say goodbye to another wife,” he angrily whispered, and you took a step back. “I do not ask much of you.”

“I know-.”

“I have not forced you to my bed, I have not demanded any sons or daughters,” he let out a tearful chuckle. “I do not even demand you greet your husband with a kiss when he returns home.”

All of this was true, and yet…

“All I ask is that you remain here.”

He said it so casually, as if he were not asking the world of you to remain prettily seated in a cage. You had never known how to gently broach this subject, understanding the sensitive nature of it, but as you stared into the face of your husband—driven mad with trauma and paranoia—you accepted that there would be no gentle way to do it.

“I am not Anna,” you breathed.

The man before you froze in place as you said her name, and you swallowed. 

“I am in good health now,” you licked your lips. “You saw to that…”

You slowly reached for him, and you did not miss the sharp look in his gaze as he followed the movement with his eyes.

“I am not going anywhere, and I implore you to have faith…”

Your words trailed off as the sound of his bitter chuckle reached your ears. Friedrich moved closer to you with no intention of stopping it seemed, and your back hit the wall. 

“Faith,” the dark-haired man sneered. “Why would I trust faith to keep you with me when that very same faith failed me before?”

You had no answer for him.

His fingers touched your face, and you looked between his eyes. His chest heaved, and his heavy breathing was the loudest sound in the room. His fingers trailed down the expanse of your neck before his hand moved to rest on the back of it, moving closer.

“You are so frail,” he murmured. “I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you.”

He forced your face closer, and you pressed your hands to his chest. The conflict was evident on his features, a furrow between his brows as he drank you in with those sad blue eyes of his.

“I fear that a change in the wind would rip you from my very arms.”

“Friedrich…” he gave no indication that he was listening to you. “I have not seen my mother and father in months. I know they must worry and… All I ever see are these walls and the staff and my books and you. Do you wish for me to be unhappy?”

He tilted his head.

“Do you wish for me to be alone again?”

“Friedrich, please,” you begged, and he was shaking his head as soon as you said his name.

“I cannot do what you ask of me,” he forced out, eyes becoming glassy.

You pulled at his arm and pushed at his chest, but your husband was a mountain of a man, and it did you no good. The room was filled with both of your voices at once, both of you pleading with the other—you for freedom and he for understanding.

“You do not understand the lengths I go to…”

“I will be driven to madness!”

“...the nights I refuse my own desires,” he tearfully spat.

“So you would have me be your doll then? Placed on a shelf where only you and the staff can see me? To only be looked at like a trinket until the end of my days?”

Your poor choice of words had him freezing, his voice dying in the air as he gazed at you with a stricken look in his eyes. He did not move for a concerning amount of time, and as he stared into your eyes, tears kissing his own, you wondered who he saw, right now.

You or Anna?

The wife he had lost or the one he was scared of losing?

“I cannot bear it,” he choked out, his face pressing into the crook of your neck. “It is an impossible thing to ask of me.”

You said his name, but he felt lost to you, mumbling to himself and kneading at you through the fabric of your dress. When his soft lips pressed against the skin just above your bosom, you tensed. You could feel the wetness from his tears on your flesh, and you said his name again.

In this moment, you were wholly aware of your disadvantage.

“All I do is try to protect you, and all I ask is that you help me…”

“Friedrich.”

He was on his knees, now, burly arms circled around your waist, and blue eyes wide and bright and tearful as he looked up at you.

“Yet you fight me every step of the way.”

“I am not Anna,” you said to him, trying to get him to see reason.

…but he knew exactly who he was talking to.

“...and you will never become her if I can help it.”

You felt his hand slide to your backside, pulling you closer as he buried his face into the fabric of your skirts.

“Night after night…day after day…I fight with myself for fear of hurting you, of doing irreparable damage.”

His arm tightened painfully around you, and you gasped, reaching down to pull at his sleeve.

“...and for what? For a wife who still leaves these walls and puts herself in harm’s way even after her husband begs her not to.”

“I cannot…”

You struggled to breathe, and you no longer just wanted him to let you go…you wished to get away. You both heard and felt him press a lingering kiss to your stomach, his tears wetting the fabric of your dress.

“If I am to risk you in any capacity…then surely it should be for the betterment of us both.”

So focused on trying to take in air, you did not fully register his words and the implication behind them. Your chest was tightening and your stomach was hurting, and your husband was losing his mind, and you did not know how to convince him that he would not lose you too. You pushed further back against the wall in an effort to relieve some of the painful pressure when you could suddenly breathe again.

You sharply inhaled…and the sound of tearing fabric reached your ears.

The pressure around your abdomen was loosening in more ways than one, and when you looked down, Friedrich had his hands quite literally inside of your dress. It was one that your mother had commissioned for you, but you could not find it in yourself to mourn the loss of the beautiful gown. You were more focused on your husband’s sudden animalistic nature.

You said his name, pushing at his hands, but you were no match for his strength.

“I cannot stop,” you heard him murmur, making your blood run cold. “Do not dare ask me to stop.”

With his hand at your back under the fabric, it was not long before you quite literally felt the fabric and strings of your corset being pulled taut against your flesh before ripping and popping completely. A panic seized you as you fought to get away from Friedrich, and he fought to rid you of the mountain of layers that covered you.

“Friedrich,” you gasped, pushing at his face and head, but with his arms around you in a vice-like grip, you had nowhere to go.

You pushed one foot forward, a difficult feat with a grown man attached to you, and your husband did not like that. He pulled at your dress some more—pulling down—and the action had you careening forward as you attempted to get away from him at the same time. With the floor fast approaching, you were prepared to crawl away from him, but Friedrich was much quicker on his feet than you.

Arms that were now increasingly familiar to you wrapped around your waist, catching you midfall, and Friedrich’s chest was to your back as he stood and brought you with him. You could feel his facial hair tickling your skin as he leaned in, deeply inhaling and kneading his fingers just under your chest.

“I cannot…”

His words trailed off as he forced you to face him, pink lips parted and blue eyes glazed over. Every step back from him was followed, and his nose touched yours while one hand found a home on your cheek. His lips touched yours for half a second before you pulled away, and he let you, frowning at you as if you confounded him.

She vexes me so.

You recalled those words that were not meant for your ears.

“I cannot…” his frown deepened. “I cannot resist you any longer.”

He finally stole a kiss from you, his lips covering yours in a way that no one ever had before. The kiss at your wedding was sweet—chaste even—but this was nothing of the sort. Friedrich deeply inhaled your every breath and pawed at you and pulled you closer if at all possible. The kiss made your head spin, and every time you attempted to move your head back, he followed. It was hard to breathe with his lips on yours.

You realized that what you felt against the back of your thighs was the bed, but only too late and when Friedrich’s hands tightened on the neckline of your dress. His lips sought out the flesh of your throat as he pulled and ripped it open completely. His blunt nails softly dragged against your skin as he yanked it down, moving closer, and with nowhere else to go, you felt yourself backed into a corner.

Your resistance was clear, and your husband wrapped an arm around your waist, briefly lifting you before dropping you on the soft surface. His large frame found solace between your legs, and you felt irreversibly trapped. He towered over you and his mouth held yours captive and his arms did not allow you anywhere to go.

You gasped his name into his mouth, a protest in your tone.

“I no longer have the strength to keep myself from you,” he murmured into the kiss. “Do not ask me to for I cannot do it.”

His hand slithered between your legs like a serpent, and you squirmed in a way you never had before. You had never even touched yourself there on lonely nights, recalling how unclean and unchaste it was said to be, but Friedrich was your husband. Surely that made it okay…but then why did it not feel okay in your chest? Perhaps it was because he scared you and isolated you and kept you locked away like some prized possession.

You felt yourself growing wet beneath his touch, and a low hum climbed from his throat as you laid your hand on his arm. When a finger slid into you, you dug your nails into his arm. The feel had you blinking, and when he added another, your eyes widened. A third had you gasping and him cursing—something you rarely heard. You felt stretched, and when he moved closer, forcing your legs to part more to accommodate him, you hissed.

“Lie back, my love,” he murmured to you. “It will feel much better.”

You refused to, one hand on the bed behind you in some weak hope that you could stop this before it went any further. You simply wanted freedom, and pleading with Friedrich for something so simple had ended in him seeking out his own pleasures instead. You could feel yourself dripping around his hand with every thrust of his fingers, and shame filled you.

When you were unable to swallow down a moan, you hid your face.

“There she is,” he slowly whispered, and when his thumb brushed over you in a way that had your arm weakening, he took advantage.

In one fell swoop, you found yourself on your back, your husband on top of you and his fingers still pushing into you. Your ruined dress hung off of you in tatters, and Friedrich tasted whatever visible skin there was. His large frame kept you pinned to the bed, and your eyes rolled and lashes fluttered from the way he moved his fingers and his hand between your thighs. You weakly murmured his name, and beyond that, in the quiet room, you could hear his movements. You could hear the wet sound of it, and more shame filled you, but you were not given time to linger on it.

He sat up on his knees, reaching down with his other hand so that he played you with both. You felt your back arching, and your breathing grew more shallow, and one hand gently massaged your mound while the other continued to push his fingers into your slick walls. He curled them into you over and over, massaging your insides and pressing the pads of his fingers against you.

It was unlike anything you ever felt, and when your stomach tightened—a rope or a coil or something deep within your gut—you let it until it could not any further, and you were suddenly gasping and whimpering in a way that made you sound possessed. You could feel Friedrich’s gaze on you, and when you managed to focus your own on him despite the difficulty, he wore an expression that you were sure you had never seen before.

It made you want to cover yourself and shy away, and when he pulled his fingers out of you—a tinge of red on them—that was exactly what you set out to do. 

Feeling hot and confused and unsettled by the man before you, you reached for the covers in an attempt to hide your nakedness, but your husband would not have it. He climbed over you, keeping you pinned between his thighs as he peeled off his light jacket, his tie and shirt and undershirt quick to follow.

You imagined that your wedding night would have been something akin to this, but only without this level of unease and fear and confusion. As it were, your wedding night was nothing like this. You had been alone, convinced of your husband’s lack of care for you, and now almost a year later, you were squirming beneath him and wanting to be as far away as possible from the man who metaphorically locked you in the tower and tossed the key.

“Friedrich,” you choked out, pushing at his chest. 

He leaned in and kissed you again, and you felt every bit of him as he forced you out of your garments completely.

The tip of him brushed against your sensitive flesh, and you shuddered beneath him. He would not stop kissing you, tasting the inside of your mouth and inhaling every gasp that escaped. His normally perfect hair was in disarray, and when he reached down between you, his other arm was proactive in holding you tight and in place for him.

The feel of his cock pushing into you almost made you wish for his fingers instead. You thought that you felt stretched before, but it was nothing in comparison to the slow way in which he sheathed himself inside of you. You felt unnaturally full, and it took your breath away. Friedrich groaned from above you, and you felt a shudder crawl up his back as he rested inside of you.

“I tried,” you heard him whisper. “I tried so very hard…but I cannot go another day without having you.”

He slowly pulled his hips back until only the tip of him remained before sinking into you completely. You could not stop the movements of your body, your hips lifting with his as if being carried by a wave, a breathless sigh escaping with every thrust. His bare chest was pressed to yours, and his burly arms kept you right where he wanted you, and you felt yourself slowly forgetting why you had ever resisted him.

“Endless nights of lying awake and knowing you were a mere room away,” Friedrich breathed against your skin. “So close…and so forbidden to me.”

The speed of his hips grew, and your nails dug into his skin, dragging over it as he plunged his cock into you with a vigor you did not know he had. He was always so cold with you, keeping you at arm’s length even when he was touching you. You recalled the feel of his hand on your hair and his fingers on your mouth and a brush against your waist. Always giving in just a little bit more until he no longer had the desire to hold himself back. Always staring and watching and craving.

It was so clear to you, now, and all you could think was that your mother was right…

…and you were a fool.

“I feared I would break you,” he panted, thrusting into you so strongly that the bed beneath you shook. “I still fear that I just might.”

He pushed himself up onto his hands so that he could look down at you, and the dull tender ache had started to subside, replaced by something that far exceeded the pleasure his fingers had given you. Your back arched, and Friedrich wasted no time in dipping his head to wrap his lips around a heaving breast. His tongue swirling around a hardened bud had you reaching up to thread your fingers through his dark locks.

He groaned at the action, and when he lifted his head again, his intense blue gaze sought out yours. You softly moaned every time his hips curved into yours, his cock smoothly sliding between your folds, now and stroking you in a way that momentarily convinced you your freedom was not all that desirable. Your husband did not look away from your eyes again, and it felt overwhelming to be beneath him and staring into his eyes and feel him within you.

One of his hands reached up to touch your cheek, and a frown formed between his brows.

“So fragile… It would take nothing for me to break you, to snuff you right out,” his words made your heart skip a beat. “You test my self control in ways that terrify me.”

His hand traveled to your neck.

“I was right to fear the monster that I would unleash if I ever got my hands on you…”

His fingers danced to the back of your neck, and he gripped the hair at the nape there, slowly and gently forcing your head back. His hips did not relent once, meeting yours again and again, the sound of skin meeting skin reaching your ears among other things that filled you with shame. So much shame.

“For I will never be able to resist you again.”

He leaned in and pressed gentle kisses along the expanse of your throat, his tongue darting out to taste the damp skin, humming at the salty nature the thin sheen of sweat gave it. You whimpered when he reached down with his free hand, fingers brushing against you and circling you as you greedily clenched around his cock. 

“If anything happened to you,” he whispered into your neck. “It would be my undoing.”

[gingerteafairy]

𝑬𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑪𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏

"Selfish, profane, or sinful—what does it matter? This passion consumes me, and I welcome it. She has my heart entirely, and she may do with it as she pleases. Haunt me if that is her wish. I ask only to feel her presence."

tags n warnings: smut/mdni. friedrich harding x reader, wife!fem!reader, obsession, ghost!reader, ghost sex, heavy angst, vampirism, language, death, blood, devotion, praise kink, fingering, oral, piv. word count: 5k

@ikkyfics thank you for making me post this and not hiding it on my virtual shelf, you deserve the world <3 masterlist

Friedrich Harding’s anguished cries tore through the air, echoing across the desolate countryside. The sound was primal, raw—a lament that seemed to pierce even the heavens. Strong hands gripped his arms, restraining him as he thrashed against them, desperate to reach the coffin that housed his beloved wife. His wife. The one who had once been his anchor in a chaotic world. But those who truly knew Friedrich understood a deeper truth—his devotion to her paled in comparison to his adoration for you. For you, he had defied every societal expectation, every unwritten rule. Now, his world lay shattered before him.

Despite the lingering fear of the plague that had claimed her, he yearned to hold her one last time, to press her lifeless form against his chest and plead for the impossible.

“Friedrich, stop this madness!” Sievers barked, his voice tinged with both command and desperation as he struggled to contain the grieving man. Harding’s fists swung wildly, his face twisted in despair. The crowd watched in stunned silence, their expressions a mixture of pity and disdain. Mothers shielded their children’s eyes from the spectacle, while fathers stood grim-faced, their silence betraying their discomfort. Children whispered questions to their parents, too young to grasp the depth of the tragedy unfolding before them.

“Release me! I command you to release me!” Friedrich roared, his voice a storm of grief, his blue eyes brimming with tears that fell freely down his face.

“Friedrich, enough!” Hutter pleaded, his grip tightening as he tried to restrain his friend. “This will not bring her back! You must—”

“No!” Harding’s voice cracked as he wrenched free from their grasp, his tear-streaked face contorted in anguish as he turned to Thomas. “She was everything, Thomas! Everything I had. God help me, what am I to do now? What is left of me? Damnation! Damnation upon this cruel fate!”

He collapsed to the ground, his body trembling as he crawled toward the coffin, his shaking hands reaching for the cold wood that separated him from her. But Thomas intervened, pulling him back into a firm embrace.

“Friedrich,” Thomas murmured, his voice soft yet insistent, “you must find strength. Look at me. Look at me.”

Thomas cupped Friedrich’s face, his hands rough and calloused, yet gentle as they held the face of a man utterly undone. The dark hollows under Harding’s eyes spoke of sleepless nights, of relentless grief that gnawed at his very soul.

“I can’t, Thomas,” Friedrich whispered hoarsely, his voice barely audible. “She was my life. How can I go on living when my heart is buried with her?”

“Friedrich,” Sievers began, stepping forward cautiously, “I did not know your wife well, but I am certain she would have wanted you to find happiness again. Life does not end here. One day, you may find love again—”

The doctor’s words were cut short by a vicious punch that sent him stumbling backward. In a flash, Friedrich was upon him, gripping his collar with a ferocity that belied his weakened state.

“Curse you, Sievers,” he hissed through clenched teeth, his voice trembling with fury. “How dare you speak of love to a man who no longer has a heart? Insolent doctor! You know nothing of my torment.”

Thomas and the others rushed forward, pulling Friedrich away as he sagged against them, his strength finally failing. His body, ravaged by exhaustion and starvation, could fight no longer.

By the time they returned to his estate, Friedrich was a shadow of himself. He sat in silence, his eyes empty, his face devoid of the fire that had once animated it. He stared into the void as though nothing in the world could reach him now. Even if the earth had split open before him, he would not have flinched. He was a man as dead as his wife, his soul entombed alongside hers.

"Promise me you'll be well," Thomas pleaded as he stepped down from the carriage, his voice wavering as he struggled to maintain his composure. His eyes, heavy with worry, searched his friend’s hollowed face. "Promise me you'll eat, care for yourself. Do not fade away, Friedrich."

Harding did not respond. He merely turned, shoulders hunched beneath the weight of his grief, and walked toward the door of his home. There was only one solace left to him—the fragile hope of seeing you in his dreams. To escape into a world where you were still alive: radiant, healthy, untouched by the horrors of the plague. There, you would be free, unburdened by the cruel fate that had stolen you away.

Later, cradling a glass of brandy in trembling hands, Friedrich lay upon his bed. The liquor did little to dull the sharp edges of his sorrow. His body shook with silent sobs as he closed his eyes, desperate to summon even the faintest memory of you—your touch, your voice, a fleeting whisper of your essence.

A scream tore through the silence.

He woke with a jolt, his sweat-soaked hair clinging to his brow, his breath hitching in panic. The room spun around him, and then he saw you.

You stood beside the bed, bathed in pale moonlight that streamed through the window. The white gown he had chosen for your burial clung to your form, pristine and ethereal. You were unblemished, untouched by disease, impossibly beautiful—more luminous than you had ever been in life. To him, you were divine, a vision too perfect to be real.

For a moment, he was paralyzed. His lips parted as if to speak, but no words came. Fear and longing warred within him. If he moved, if he dared to reach for you, would you vanish? Was this some cruel trick of his shattered mind?

"My heart," you whispered, the words ghosting across the room.

Before he could react, you faded into the shadows, dissolving into the night as though you had never been there.

Friedrich collapsed onto the mattress, his body wracked with uncontrollable tremors. His jaw clenched, teeth grinding as a guttural, muffled scream tore from his throat, buried into the pillow to escape the ears of the empty house. The pain was unbearable, clawing at his soul, leaving him raw and broken.

The next morning, he awoke to frantic knocking at the door. The sun was high, its rays spilling harshly through the curtains, though it brought no warmth to the bleakness inside him. Disheveled and barely able to stand, Friedrich stumbled toward the door.

Thomas stood there, his face pale and drawn, his eyes wide with dread.

"Friedrich. This is... it’s terrible," Thomas choked out, his voice trembling as his fingers combed through his disordered hair.

"What has happened, Thomas?" Friedrich demanded, though his voice was hoarse and distant, his mind still clouded by the haunting vision of you.

"Sievers," Thomas whispered, his hand instinctively covering his mouth as if to trap the horrifying words before they could escape.

"What about Sievers? Speak plainly!" Friedrich snapped, irritation flaring as the ache in his head throbbed from the brandy. "Thomas, what is it?"

Thomas hesitated, his voice low and filled with a grim finality. "Sievers is dead. He was found this morning... his chest torn open. His heart—" Thomas paused, his voice cracking. "His heart was removed."

The words struck Friedrich like a physical blow. He stumbled back, collapsing into the armchair behind him. His hands trembled as he pressed them to his temples. Memories of the night before flooded his mind, your whisper echoing like a ghostly refrain.

“My heart.”

It couldn’t be real. It was madness, surely. Yet the coincidence was too stark, too chilling to dismiss. His thoughts spiraled. Could it have been you? No. Impossible. And yet... Sievers had spoken of finding another, dared to suggest that love could replace the irreplaceable. Perhaps this was divine retribution—or something darker.

"Friedrich! Friedrich!" Thomas’s urgent voice pulled him from his reverie. The friend’s hands gripped his shoulders, shaking him gently as if to rouse him from the stupor.

Friedrich’s eyes cleared, a strange light igniting within them. He rose abruptly, pacing with a frenetic energy that had been absent for days.

"Call Von Franz," he muttered, his voice low but commanding.

"What?" Thomas blinked, taken aback by the unexpected request.

"Von Franz," Friedrich repeated, his tone sharper, almost desperate. "Summon him at once. That lunatic priest may know something—or I may be mad to even consider it. But summon him, Thomas!"

Without waiting for a reply, Friedrich strode toward his room, his steps hurried and unsteady. He needed to prepare. If there was even the faintest chance that Von Franz held the answers to this nightmare, Friedrich would face him. Hatred or no, he would endure anything to uncover the truth.

He stared at himself in the mirror, his hollow eyes scanning the face that no longer felt like his own. With deliberate precision, he splashed cold water on his face, the droplets clinging to his skin as if they could wash away his torment. A smile curled on his lips, unnatural, strained—then erupted into a jagged, manic laugh. His reflection in the mirror mocked him, a fractured visage of sanity, twisted by grief.

"Ah, my love," he murmured, his voice trembling as his fingers brushed the surface of the mirror, tracing a line over his own reflection. "You change me, even in death." His hand fell to his chest, clutching at the fabric of his coat as though he could rip his own heart out. "My heart… It belongs to you, always."

With newfound resolve, Friedrich shed his clothes, stepping into a bath as if it were a sacred rite. The water lapped at his skin, cleansing not only his body but the remnants of his despair. He emerged renewed, obsessed, his every movement deliberate as he trimmed his beard and dressed himself in his finest attire. His appearance was immaculate, a mirror of the man he had been on his wedding day.

When Von Franz arrived at the residence, the pastor, startled by Friedrich’s transformation, dropped his glass of wine. The shards scattered across the floor, but Von Franz’s gaze remained fixed on the man before him, his face pale as though he were staring at a ghost.

"By night, I sought him whom my soul loves," the pastor recited, his voice trembling with unease. "I sought him, but I found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but I found him not."

The verses fell from Von Franz’s lips as if they were a prophecy, words carried by something beyond him. Friedrich stood still, each syllable piercing him like a dagger, his jaw tightening as the pastor's voice resonated deep within his chest.

"I must tell you something," Friedrich began, his voice low, commanding the attention of both Von Franz and Thomas. They moved cautiously toward the table where candles flickered, casting restless shadows in the dimly lit room. The once-bustling household was eerily quiet, the absence of servants amplifying the oppressive atmosphere.

Von Franz broke the silence, his voice a mix of awe and warning. "Your devotion echoes through eternity, Herr Friedrich." He studied the man before him, a shadow of the grieving figure from the day before, now alight with a dangerous fervor. "But it is selfish."

"Let it be," Friedrich replied sharply, striking the table with his fist before withdrawing his hand to retrieve a cigar from his coat. Lighting it with a flick of his lighter, he took a slow drag, the smoke curling around him as he spoke again. His tone softened, but his determination was unyielding. "Selfish, profane, or sinful—what does it matter? This passion consumes me, and I welcome it. She has my heart entirely, and she may do with it as she pleases. Haunt me if that is her wish. I ask only to feel her presence."

Von Franz’s voice grew urgent, his hands pressing against the table as though he could anchor himself to reality. "This is perilous, Herr Friedrich. You toy with forces beyond comprehension. Death is the final vow—'til death do you part.' To defy it…"

Friedrich interrupted with a bitter laugh, his eyes narrowing as he leaned back in his chair. "Something as absurd as death cannot separate me from my beloved." He exhaled a stream of smoke, his head tilting back as he closed his eyes. The faintest sensation brushed against his chest—soft, velvety, unmistakable. His breath hitched. "Ah, my love… Do you approve of my words?"

Von Franz stumbled backward, his wide eyes fixed on Friedrich as the air around him grew thick and heavy. He reached for Thomas, pulling the young man close as they both watched in horror.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.” Your haunting voice tantalized Von Franz and Thoma’s ears, but delighted your beloved ones, hearing every word slipping from your icy and dry lips, rough against the warm soft cheek of him. 

From the shifting shadows, your form began to materialize. Von Franz’s voice faltered, barely audible. "Impressive…" he muttered, though his face betrayed the terror rising within him.

Thomas’s mouth fell open, his voice shaking. "This… this cannot be real."

His words trailed off as your ethereal hands appeared, their ghostly outline pressing gently against Friedrich’s chest. His head fell back further, his body convulsing with an eerie ecstasy.

Von Franz’s composure broke entirely. He yanked Thomas’s arm, dragging him toward the door. "We must leave. Now!" he hissed, his voice frantic. "If you wish to keep your heart beating in your chest, boy, then we must flee this place!"

Friedrich's grin turned wickedly amused as he closed the space between you intentionally this time. “Oh, my love. Be careful what you wish for.”

“I never play when it comes to what I want,” he muttered, swallowing hard as your fingers curled slightly into the fabric before reaching his arms. “And I want you, my muse.”

As he spoke, his eyes darkened, a flicker of something vulnerable crossing his face before he regained control. “You have something I've been searching for and found in you” he continued, as if sensing his sudden vulnerability. He placed his hand on your waist with a delicate yet firm grip, guiding you into a slow, intimate dance across the room. “Something to wish for. You made me feel something…”

His movements were measured and graceful, leading you effortlessly as if he already knew every step of the dance. “Something?”

“Passion.”

Your hand seemed to tremble. For the first time, you felt like your words ran away from your thoughts. Something unexpected in your movement as you gently lifted back up. “You're not sure of what you're saying, Friedrich. I don't…”

"If you don't want this," Friedrich cut, swallowing hard, navigating the labyrinth of his own courage, "then why does your body say otherwise?"

"I’ve learned not to trust what my body says," you replied, but your wrist didn’t pull away. Instead, you leaned in, your fingers brushing the stray strands from his face with a tenderness that belied your words.

"Then listen to mine," Friedrich urged, stepping closer, pressing your hand against his chest. His heart raced beneath your touch, a frantic rhythm betraying the calm he tried to maintain.

There was something about Friedrich Harding—a tempestuous allure that made falling for him feel as deep as the ocean and as electrifying as the crackle of thunder before a storm.

His fingers lingered at the small of your back, pulling you closer to him, the heat of his touch sending an unspoken message straight to your heart. “You’re my wife, my woman, the only one I love. God spare me from my own sinful behavior through this sick pleasure.” 

“Would love be a pleasure?” you asked, your voice soft as your eyes locked with his. He studied your face for a moment before speaking.

“Perhaps the worst of them,” he admitted, turning his attention back to the fire’s flickering light. “I’ve avoided love at all costs since the last time I fell. And then you came along—wild, untamed, like the very flames in this hearth. I knew getting close to you wouldn’t end well for my… redemption.”

“Redemption?” you echoed.

“Indeed,” he murmured, leaning toward you, supported by his arm. “But it seems I’ve never learned to control myself when it comes to love. Lust, perhaps, but passion—grand, classic, all-consuming passion—never. You're my everything.” 

His voice, low and velvet-soft, broke the silence. "Make me yours again, my love.” he murmured, his lips grazing your ear. 

"You’d have the world at your feet... but I'm afraid I only offer darkness." Your voice came out faint, clinging to him, the warmth of his body anchoring you. 

"You don't have to offer anything but yourself," he replied, his voice trembling slightly, but full of resolve. "And I choose you.”

With his fierce determination, his hands tightened on your waist with a strong reverence, crushing you against him as he angled his head, deepening the kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth to tangle with your own. 

He poured every ounce of his feelings into that kiss, the way you had consumed his thoughts and dreams.

His hands roamed over your back, mapping out the curves and contours of your body in that gown, committing every dip and swell to memory. He slid one hand up to tangle in your hair, gripping the locks and tilting your head back to give him better access to the sensitive skin of your neck. 

His heart raced, pounding against his ribs like a drum as he lost himself in the taste and feel of you, the softness of your cold lips and the heat of his tongue.

“Touch me, Friedrich.” You whispered panting as your lungs felt the breathing of life again, curling your fingers on his neckline. “Feel my heart. Even when I'm dead, it beats for you. Strong and hard for I love you more than everything to overcome death itself.”

He pressed his hand against your chest, squeezing painfully the soft flesh on his palm, feeling the frantic pounding of your heart beneath his palm, the way it raced and leapt at his touch. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, a sudden, overwhelming emotion threatening to overwhelm him.

"God," he whispered, his voice breaking on a sob, "I love you too. I love you so much it hurts. You're everything to me, everything I've ever wanted and everything I know I don't deserve."

He leaned in, resting his forehead against yours once more, his eyes squeezing shut as he fought to regain control over his emotions. He could feel the tears slipping down his cheeks, but he didn't care, not with your arms wrapped around him, holding him close.

“Make love with me, Friedrich.” you begged as the cold tears fell, cupping his strong face in your hands. “Take me the way only you know how. Make me feel alive, let your blood boil in my veins as you make me yours because I can't stand any other night without you, Friedrich.”

His heart leapt at your desperate plea, covering your hand with his own, turning his head to press a fervent kiss to her palm before tangling their fingers together. “I love you so much it feels like I can't breathe or sleep without you, I need you to survive.” 

He took your face in his hands and slightly pulled your hair back so his nose could longer on your neck, breathing in your essence that remained intact even among the light aroma of earth and ashes with the lilies placed with you in the coffin.

“You're my everything.” He shivered, sobbing, biting your flesh, sinking his teeth, leaving his strong mark, his saliva mixing with his tears that fell every time he realized that you were there with him. “Everything.”

He captured your lips in another searing kiss, hands sliding down to grip your thighs, hoisting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist as he carried you towards the house, to the known love nest. 

He laid you down gently on the bed, his body covering yours, his hips nestled between your spread thighs. He looked down at you, taking in the sight of your locks splayed out across the mattress, skin glowing in the dim light of his bedroom.

Slowly, reverently, he slid his hands under the hem of your gown, pushing it up and over her head, tossing it carelessly to the side. He drank in the sight of you, his gaze roaming over the swell of her breasts, the hardened peaks of her nipples straining on the cold air of the night.

He leaned down, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the soft, sensitive skin, his tongue flicking out to taste you as he gripped on your breast as his anchor, pushing him back to reality, his thumbs brushing over the nipples, drawing a gasp from your lips.

“Please, Friedrich. I need you, I'm begging, please.” You sobbed, choking on your own passion as you desperately searched his face in your hand, nipping the bottom lip as you tied him with your thighs. 

"Then you shall have it, my queen," he whispered before closing the distance, his kiss deep and unyielding, as though sealing a pact written in the shadows of the room.

He held you tighter, his hand now resting firmly on your waist, his thumb tracing slow, deliberate circles. The words you had spoken hung between you, a weight neither of you could ignore. He leaned in slightly, his breath warm against your skin, and for a moment, everything felt like it was balancing on the edge of a dangerous precipice.

He slid his hand up your thigh, cupping the heat of your sex. He groaned at the feel of you, already so wet and ready for him, his fingers slipping easily between your folds.

“How is it possible?” He demanded, light headed with the feeling of his beloved intimate again, he could search in all the places, he couldn't find the one who pleased him this way. 

“You're giving me life, Friedrich.” You whispered, arching your back at the travel your husband is. Loving, intense, belonging. 

He slid a finger inside you, then two, pumping them slowly, letting you adjust to the new-old sensation. “God, how I missed you.” he groaned, curling them just so, rubbing against that special spot deep inside that made you see stars. “Missed your touch, missed your laugh, your moans, your cunt. The way you moan my name, oh… everything, yeah, keep moaning for me. Please, darling. Say my name just once more, can you?”

“Oh, Friedrich.” You moaned, curling your toes as your heart beated and you felt your pleasure slip on his knuckles with your peak. 

He leaned down, pressing a soft, tender kiss to your stomach. He looked up at you, his blue eyes blazing with love and desire and a fierce, unbreakable connection. 

“Say you want me to claim you, to fill you, to make you a part of me in every way possible.” he demanded miserably, panting on your stomach, digging his fingers on your hips. “Say my name, tell me I'm not out of my senses and you are here with me. Say you need my sex deep as you crave life again as my seed overflows on your delicious inside.” 

“I want you, please. I want everything more than anything in this world or next. Fill me.” you whimpered, forking your hands on his locks, pressing him against you, grinding your arousal on his chest. 

He sighs, running his hands down your thighs, as well as his face that camped on your core, inhaling the essence and feeling an immense desire to cry at the touch of his tongue on your sensitive nerve, taking in every note of your taste.

He sank there, never wanting to leave, he just wanted to please you with his entire being, to adore you, swirling his tongue in the exact places you loved, because Friedrich knew you like the back of his hand, you were an open book to him, he deciphered all your secrets and dreams.

Everything you loved, his tongue in your canal, at the entrance, swirling on your clit and taking it all in to suck the little spot and leave a soft kiss.

“Frid, Frid, my love.” you called, sensing your approaching orgasm, you patted his head, his answers delayed by his fixation on your cunt. 

He swallowed the remaining taste, lifting his face lazily and meeting your eyes. “I love your taste.” he whispered, settling himself between your thighs, the hard, thick length of his cock pressing against your slit. “but I love being inside you even more.”

With that, he thrust forward, sheathing himself inside you. He groaned at the feel of your pussy so tight and perfect around him, it was made just for him, to wrap the way he wanted. 

Then, he began to move, his hips rocking against you in a steady, sensual rhythm, foreheads together to hear every moan, purr and whimper from you. He kept his thrusts slow and deep, wanting to savor every moment, every inch of you. 

His hands slid up your sides, cupping the soft, supple curves of your breasts, squeezing and kneading the flesh as he lost himself in the feel of you. He knew he would never get enough of this, of you, of the way you made him feel alive. 

“You're my life, darling.” He panted, deepening the sway of his hips, capturing your lips. “If it's necessary to be dead to be with you everyday like this, I'd sell my soul for just a moment. Take everything you need. Take everything from me.”

“As you wish, my love.” You whimpered, your moans becoming even higher as you craved your teeth on his neck on his pulsing point as a thin amount of blood flowed to your mouth. “Oh, God. You taste so good. Oh, fuck. You… Darling, uhmm…”

“Fuck, take it. Take more. Take every drop of me, love.” He begged, nuzzling his nose on your neck to mark you as you licked the remaining blood salty with his sweat. “Come on my cock while you suck me with your pretty cunt and your teeth. Take my soul.”

He could feel you starting to tremble, your body tensing and tightening as your climax approached. He doubled his efforts, his thrusts growing harder and faster, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to leave bruises as he drove into you.

"Come for me, my heart," he urged, his voice a low, desperate growl, licking your bloody face. "Come on my cock, my queen. Let me feel you, all of you, now and forever.”

“Frid. AH!” The sound of your scream, raw and filled with ecstasy, pushed him over the edge. He groans,  burying himself to the hilt inside you as his own release overtook him.

"Fuck," he roared, his voice echoing off the walls of the bedroom. "I'm coming, fuck, I'm coming so hard! Take it, darling."

He pulsed and throbbed inside you, spilling his hot seed deep into your womb as he held you tight, crushing you against his chest. He could feel every clench and flutter of her walls around him, milking him for every last drop as you rode out the aftershocks.

He could feel his body growing weak, prolonging that orgasm as he gave the last thrusts, his eyes turning blank and the grip loosening. 

"Frid... Frid, my love." You cried out, watching him smile weakly, his eyes nearly fading. Desperate, you stood up and slapped his face gently against your chest. "Frid. Friedrich. Friedrich, answer me!" you sobbed, cradling his nearly lifeless body in your arms, your tears falling heavily.

"It will be over soon..." he whispered, his hands weakly resting on your back, pulling you closer. "Soon I’ll... be with you... my love... Eat my heart, and you can live with our daughters."

"How? What do you mean, my Frid?" You shouted, gasping, as life slowly drained from him.

"Wasn’t that how you... came to me? By eating Sievers' heart?" He coughed and gasped for air, his lungs sinking from the lack of oxygen. "That's what Von Franz thinks... he knows about it. You trusted him before me... I didn’t believe in you..." 

"No..." You trembled, your eyes wavering as you turned his face towards yours, gazing into his pale blue eyes, already touched by death. "It wasn’t like that, Frid. You brought me back. Your love brought me here. I manifested because of you. I can fix it. I know I can, we can live forever."

You bite your wrist, but nothing came, your blood was dry. You tried to rip your ribcage to get your heart and make him eat, but you weren't strong enough.“No… no…” you gasped

“I've always admired you. You always did your best to make me live comfortably, made me feel a king, love.” He gave a soft laugh, his body moving slightly with it. "I'm glad... I could do something… I'll love you forever" he murmured, finally succumbing to eternal peace.

“And I'll love you always, Frid.” You sobbed, holding his lifeless body in your arms, rocking back and forth as you sang a soft lullaby, the weight of your sorrow deepening, while your body slowly disintegrated, returning to dust and slipping back into your coffin.

In honor of Friedrich's love, Thomas crafted a grand coffin, large enough for both of you. They carefully prepared his body and placed it comfortably in the wooden vessel, where your hands were intertwined with his, bound together for eternity.

[3igbootyl0ver]

doctor's in

pairing: tara carpenter x reader

summary: After surviving another Ghostface attack, Tara meets a calm and compassionate doctor, Y/N, who helps her throughout her stay in the hospital, leaving a lasting impression.

word count: 3405

“If you ever need me, just call,” Kirby declared, her voice rasping slightly from dehydration. A wave of relief washed over her as the nightmare finally came to an end.

“We’re all part of the same messed-up family now. Legacy doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, okay?” she said softly.

The air settled into a comfortable silence, with both Tara and Sam finally beginning to relax after the relentless attacks. But the peace shattered when Tara started to weep, the memory of her injured friend resurfacing—a haunting reminder that Chad might not have made it.

Sam and Kirby exchanged concerned looks, their eyes silently urging Tara to speak.

“Just... Chad,” Tara whispered, her voice breaking.

“Hey, we’ve got another one over here!” a voice shouted, snapping everyone’s attention and pulling Tara out of her spiral of negative thoughts.

Her eyes darted towards the commotion, and her breath caught when she saw her best friend being wheeled toward an ambulance on a gurney. His face was pale, his body still, but the steady rise and fall of his chest brought a glimmer of hope. Tara’s tears turned into a sob of relief as she and Sam, hands trembling, dashed toward him.

“How are you even alive?” Sam blurted out, astonished that he had somehow survived at least ten stab wounds.

Chad managed a weak grin and raised four fingers, his silent response making both Sam and Tara scoff in disbelief.

“Core fucking four,” Tara confirmed with a small smile, pulling her friend into a heartfelt hug.

The moment was cut short when Mindy approached, grinning as she began to ramble about Ghostface, as if they hadn’t already pieced it together. Before they could respond, a paramedic stepped in, gently guiding Chad and Mindy toward the ambulance to tend to their wounds.

Both Tara and Sam shared a breath of relief, grateful to have survived another nightmare. For a moment, a fragile hope lingered between them—the possibility that this franchise of terror had finally come to an end.

Tara hissed as a sharp sting radiated from her abdomen. Glancing down, she noticed a small patch of blood seeping through her shirt—her stitches must have torn from hugging Chad too tightly earlier.

Sam’s eyes narrowed in concern as she noticed Tara clutching her side. Without hesitation, she guided her little sister toward a nearby paramedic, determined to ease her pain and ensure she was cared for.

“Hey, can you help my sister?” Sam queried, your back facing her as you were packing up your first aid supplies into a bag.

You turned around the face the sisters, your sharp eyes quickly detecting the issue as Tara clutched on her abdomen. You immediately took charge and instructed Tara to sit on the platform of the ambulance.

As the paramedic knelt in front of her, their fingers brushing hers to gently move her hand away from her injury, Tara felt her pulse quicken. It wasn’t just the pain from the wound—there was something about the steady calm in their eyes, the soft yet firm pressure of their touch, that made her feel safe in a way she hadn’t in a long time. The world outside, the chaos of the night, seemed to blur as she focused on their quiet presence.

She hadn’t expected it, but the more you moved with such confident care, the more she found herself wanting to know you. Just to thank them properly. Maybe more than that. You knelt beside Tara, trying to ignore the faint blush creeping up your neck after noticing how she was staring at you. Her voice trembled as she explained how she got her injury, and you couldn’t help but notice the vulnerability in her tone. It tugged at something deep within you—a mix of pity and something harder to name.

“Looks like your stitches tore,” You said, voice steady but concerned. “We need to make sure there’s no internal bleeding, okay?”

Before Tara could respond, you took out a stethoscope from around your neck and placed the earpieces in your ear. You moved your fingers to Tara’s lower abdomen, feeling carefully for signs of any internal damage, and then listened intently through the stethoscope.

Tara lay still, trying to steady her breath, feeling the subtle pressure of your hand on her abdomen. She couldn’t tell if the rapid thumping in her chest was a result of the pain from her injury or the way you  moved your expert hands gently across her skin, sending unexpected tremors through her.

“I’m not hearing anything concerning yet, but we’ll get you checked at the hospital just to be sure,” You explained, removing the stethoscope. “You’re still stable.”

Sam’s hand tightened around Tara’s, relief flooding her. "Thank you," she whispered, though the fear still lingered in her eyes.

You stole a glance at Tara as she sat silently, her hands trembling in her lap. There was something about the way she tried to hide her fear that made your chest tighten. You weren’t sure if it was pity or the strange, protective urge bubbling within you.

Both of them followed your lead into the ambulance, settling carefully in the back to ensure they were comfortable. You glanced back at them briefly before heading toward the driver’s seat. Tara’s face was still flushed, her thoughts lingering on the way your hand had rested lightly on her waist when she struggled to climb into the vehicle. The touch, so gentle yet somehow grounding, had stirred something unexpected within her.

Sam’s eyes softened as she noticed the way Tara’s cheeks flushed. “Tara, seriously. You almost died today.”

Tara swallowed, her voice quiet but defiant. “I know. But… they were kind. And, yeah, cute. So what?”

Sam raised an eyebrow but didn’t press her. She was too relieved to see Tara okay. For now, she let her little sister hold onto that bit of normalcy, even if it was a little misplaced.

———

“It’s not a serious wound, so I’ll stitch you up soon, and you can sign those papers to leave right away,” the doctor explained while preparing the supplies needed for the suture.

Tara nodded absentmindedly, her thoughts drifting. As the doctor continued to explain the mini-procedure, Tara’s mind lingered on you—the paramedic who had been in the ambulance with her. Except, as it turned out, you weren’t really a paramedic at all. You’d been calm, kind, and surprisingly attentive, and she couldn’t help but wonder who you really were.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Tara blurted out, breaking the doctor’s explanation mid-sentence, “but I was wondering… the person who came with me in the ambulance, where are they?”

The doctor stopped and glanced up from her tray of instruments, arching a brow. “The paramedic?”

“Yeah,” Tara said quickly, though the word felt wrong now. “I think they said their name was Y/L/N?”

A flicker of recognition passed over the doctor’s face, and she gave a small, distracted nod as she went back to arranging her tools. “Oh, Doctor Y/L/N? They’re not a paramedic. They’re a physician here—just happened to volunteer to ride along because we were short-staffed tonight. They’re probably somewhere checking on patients. It’s been a hectic shift.”

Tara blinked, caught off guard. “They’re a doctor?”

“Mm-hm,” the doctor confirmed, her tone clipped. She seemed more interested in finishing up quickly than continuing the conversation.

Tara leaned back slightly, letting the information sink in. That explained a lot—your confidence, the way you handled her injuries so effortlessly. And yet, it raised more questions. You hadn’t mentioned being a doctor. Did you always downplay yourself like that? Or had you been too focused on helping her to say more?

She suddenly realized how disappointed she felt that you weren’t here now. She had hoped to see you again, maybe even expecting you to stitch her up instead of someone else.

“I didn’t know,” Tara murmured, almost to herself.

The doctor glanced at her briefly but said nothing, clearly eager to finish the suturing.

Tara hesitated for a moment, then asked, “Do you know where they might be?”

The doctor sighed softly, not unkindly, but with the weariness of someone who had been asked too many questions in one night. “Probably somewhere in the ER. If you’re that curious, you can always ask at the nurses’ station when you’re done here. They’d know.”

Tara nodded slowly, a faint flicker of determination lighting in her chest. “Thanks.”

As the doctor began stitching her up, Tara resolved to find you before she left. There was something about you she couldn’t shake—a quiet confidence, a warmth she wasn’t used to. She wasn’t sure why it mattered so much, but she knew she couldn’t leave without at least trying to see you again.

After the doctor was done with stitching Tara up, she gave a curt nod to both Tara and Sam—instructing them to sign the discharge papers at the reception area.

Tara slid off the exam table, feeling a little unsteady but determined. Sam was already holding the clipboard, scrawling her name with a tired sigh.

“Finally,” Sam muttered. “Let’s get these signed and get out of here. I need sleep after the night we’ve had.”

Throughout the chaos radiating from the ER, the fluorescent lights reflecting off the sterile white walls, Tara couldn’t help but feel a familiar weight pressing down on her chest. The organized commotion—the beeping monitors, hurried footsteps, and faint voices of medical staff—was a sensory overload, but it wasn’t unfamiliar.

She was back in a hospital, back in a place that should’ve meant safety but instead brought memories of pain, fear, and helplessness.

As Tara sat in the sterile room, the familiar hum of machines brought a tightening in her chest. It was the same feeling she had a year ago in Woodsboro—vulnerable, alone, barely holding on. Her memories of that night still haunted her, but now, there was something different. There was someone there, not Ghostface, but someone who’d held her hand through her panic. Someone who had treated her with quiet care.

Her breathing quickened as flashes of that night replayed in her mind: the sharp sting of the knife, the searing pain of betrayal as someone she’d trusted turned out to be her attacker. She remembered the sterile room, the aching loneliness, and the constant terror that Ghostface might come back for her.

Back then, her body had been broken, her wounds fresh, and her spirit barely hanging on by a thread. She’d woken up to the chilling realization that she was alone in her fight for survival. No one had been there to hold her hand, to tell her it would be okay. The only certainty she’d had was that Ghostface was out there, waiting for another chance to finish what he’d started.

Her breath began to quicken.

At first, Tara thought it was just the anxiety tightening her chest, but soon her breaths became shorter, raspier. A cold sweat broke out on her forehead as her lungs tightened painfully, and her hands instinctively went to her chest. Her vision blurred at the edges as panic set in.

Amid her inner turmoil, Sam’s voice cut through the chaos. She noticed Tara’s breathing immediately—the rapid, shallow gasps, the slight trembling of her hands. It was all too familiar.

“Tara?” Sam’s voice was sharp with worry as she turned toward her sister. When Tara didn’t respond, her panic rose. “Can someone get my sister help? Please!” Sam called out, her voice wavering with desperation

——

You were in the middle of tending to an elderly patient, Mr. Day, who had been complaining about lingering back pain. You listened attentively, nodding as he spoke.

“It’s like a knot that won’t go away,” the man grumbled, shifting uncomfortably in the bed.

“I understand,” you said calmly. “Let’s take a look—”

Before you could finish, the commotion outside the room drew your attention. A pleading voice rang out, urgent and strained.

You glanced at Mr. Day apologetically. “Just a moment, Mr. Day. I’ll be right with you.”

“Get me some pain meds while you’re at it, would ya?” he grumbled, waving you off.

You nodded absently, already moving toward the hallway. As you stepped out, you saw the same girl in the ambulance—Tara, sitting in a chair, hunched over, her hand clutching her chest as she gasped for air. Her sister, Sam was beside her, frantically looking around for help.

Your pulse quickened, but your movements remained calm and deliberate. You approached quickly, crouching down beside Tara.

“She’s having an asthma attack,” Sam said, her voice trembling. “She doesn’t have her inhaler.”

You nodded, assessing Tara’s condition with practiced ease. “I’ve got this,” you said to Sam, your voice steady and reassuring.

“Tara,” you said gently, drawing her focus to you. “I’m here to help, okay? I need you to trust me.”

Her wide, panicked eyes met yours, and she nodded weakly.

“Sam, can you grab a nurse and ask for an albuterol inhaler with a spacer, now?” you instructed firmly. Sam didn’t hesitate, running toward the nurses’ station.

You turned back to Tara. “I need you to try and slow your breathing. I know it’s hard, but I want you to follow me. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

She tried, her breaths ragged and uneven, but her chest remained tight. You kept your voice calm, unwavering. “That’s it. Slow and steady. You’re doing great.”

Her trembling hand suddenly reached out, finding yours. Her grip was weak but desperate, her fingers curling tightly around your own. The gesture startled you for only a moment before you gently squeezed back, letting her know you were there. Your touch was warm, a contrast against the cold sterility of the hospital. The firm pressure of your fingers felt grounding, pulling her back from the brink.

“It’s okay,” you said softly, your voice soothing. “I’ve got you. You’re not alone in this.”

Moments later, Sam returned with a nurse who handed you the inhaler and spacer. You quickly attached the spacer and held it out to Tara.

“Okay, Tara, put your lips around this, nice and tight,” you instructed, your tone firm but kind. “When I press the inhaler, take a slow, deep breath in and hold it for as long as you can.”

Tara nodded weakly, following your guidance as you administered the first puff. She inhaled deeply, her grip on your hand tightening momentarily before easing while her other hand covered yours that was holding the inhaler. You repeated the process, encouraging her to take another measured breath.

As you continue to console her, Tara’s chest heaved, each breath catching in her throat like jagged glass. The room spun less violently now, though the fluorescent lights still pressed on her like a weight. Your hand was steady against hers, a tether in the storm. Breathe, Tara. Just breathe. She closed her eyes, focusing on their words. The chaos around her dulled—a faint buzz instead of an overwhelming roar. Slowly, her breaths deepened, her fingers unclenching from where they gripped the edge of the stretcher while the other was focusing on your thumb that was soothing her hand.

After a few moments, her breathing began to even out, the tightness in her chest loosening bit by bit. Her shoulders sagged as the panic ebbed, replaced by relief.

“Better?” you asked softly, watching her carefully.

Tara nodded, her breaths still shaky but deeper now. “Yeah,” she managed, her voice hoarse.

You didn’t let go of her hand just yet, giving it one final reassuring squeeze. “You’re okay now,” you murmured. “Just keep taking it slow. You did great.”

Tears welled in her eyes, though she quickly blinked them away. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

Sam’s hands clenched at her sides, nails digging into her palms. Seeing Tara like this—struggling to breathe, barely holding it together—hit her like a punch to the gut. She wanted to scream, to yell at the doctors to move faster, but all she could do was stand there, useless. ‘I promised I’d protect her,’ she thought, her jaw tightening. ‘How the hell am I supposed to do that when she’s falling apart like this?’

Sam crouched beside her. “You scared the hell out of me, you know that?” Her voice cracked, barely a whisper. “I can’t—I can’t lose you, Tara.”

“I’m fine now,” Tara murmured, her voice steadier.

As you stood, handing the inhaler to Sam, you offered a parting reassurance. “Keep this with her, just in case. She’ll need to rest for a bit, but she’s stable.”

Sam looked up at you, gratitude shining in her eyes. “Thank you. Really.”

You nodded, smiling softly before turning back to Tara. “Take care of yourself, okay? And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

——

You followed the Carpenter sisters to sign their discharge papers, the quiet hum of the hospital filling the comfortable silence between you. Tara, walking just a step ahead of her sister, glanced over her shoulder at you.

“I didn’t know you were a doctor. I thought you were a paramedic,” she said, her voice soft but curious.

You chuckled lightly, the sound warm and unguarded. Tara’s heart fluttered at the sound, and it scared her a little—how someone she barely knew could affect her so much.

“Sorry about that,” you replied with a teasing smile. “Didn’t think my job title mattered much when you were, you know, trying to breathe.”

Tara let out a small laugh, the tension from earlier easing. “Fair point.”

The brief exchange brought a faint blush to her cheeks, but she pressed on. “Honestly? I don’t really care about the title anyway,” she admitted, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Whether it’s a doctor or a paramedic, you’re still helping people when they need it most. That’s what matters, right?”

Tara’s gaze lingered, and for a moment, you felt exposed, as though she could see right through you. Heat crept up your neck, and you looked away, pretending to check your watch. Why was she looking at you like that?

Her words made you pause for a moment, glancing at her with a faint smile. “Exactly,” you said. “That’s how I see it, too. It’s not about the title—it’s about making a difference. As long as I’m helping someone, I’m doing my job.”

The sincerity in your voice struck a chord in Tara. She found herself studying you—the way your eyes softened as you spoke, the calm confidence in your stance. Passionate, compassionate, smart, and…cute, she thought, her heart skipping a beat.

Sam, who had been quietly observing the interaction, cleared her throat. “Well, thanks, Doc, for everything. We’ll let you get back to saving lives now.”

You gave a small nod, flashing them a kind smile. “Take care, Tara. And you too, Sam.”

"Thanks," Tara said quietly, her lips curling into a faint smile.

You nodded, feeling your words catch in your throat. Why did you suddenly forget how to speak? You managed a quick, "Anytime," before busying yourself with the clipboard in your hand.

As you walked away, Tara found herself staring after you, a faint smile tugging at her lips. Great, she thought, her cheeks heating. Now I’m going to be thinking about them for the rest of the day.

 Tara’s gaze lingered on you, a mixture of lingering vulnerability and something softer—an unspoken connection that hadn’t been there before. Her chest felt lighter now, the immediate panic subsiding, but she couldn’t shake the way your calm, steady presence had steadied her in the chaos.

By the time Sam and Tara finally hopped into a cab to head home, Tara felt a mix of exhaustion and disbelief settling over her. She slumped into her seat, exhaustion weighing her down. The night had been chaotic, leaving her reeling from everything that had happened. But then it hit her—she hadn’t done the one thing she’d been meaning to since she was first under your care.

She hadn’t gotten your number.

“Fuck.”

She wanted to thank you properly, to say (and do) something more than the rushed gratitude she’d managed back there. But now, the opportunity had slipped through her fingers. Her lips pressed into a thin line. No, she thought, determined. This isn’t over. Her mind was made up. She didn’t know how, but she was going to find you again. And next time, she wouldn’t leave without your number.

----------

a/n: Hi hehehehe will post pt 2 in a few weeks

[deanstead]

Welcome Home

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Requested: Yes, by anon

Summary: Sam gets an unexpected call from Y/N, which brings another surprise for Dean

Word Count: 2.7K

Tags/Warnings: Dad!Dean, canon-typical mentions of blood/violence

A/N: In my "everything i write sucks" era but thanks to @seatsbythepit for her consistent beta services! I think this was in my inbox for a (long) while so I finally got this out!

DEAN WINCHESTER MASTERLIST

Sam frowned, glancing at his phone where it was lighting up with an incoming call from a number he didn’t know.

Not many people had this number, so he picked up warily, as Dean looked up.

“Hello?”

There was a short silence on the other end of the line before a familiar voice reached his ears.

“Sam?” 

Sam froze.

“Y/N?”

Dean sat up straighter, his eyes flicking toward his brother but Sam wasn’t paying attention.

It had been more than 2 years since you’d left and not a day had gone by that Dean didn’t blame himself for it. Sometimes, when he lay in bed at night, the last fight still haunted him - the look in your eyes when those hurtful words had cut across the room, the defeated sound in your voice as you looked him in the eyes and told him that if that’s what he thought of you, there was no point to all this.

After you left, he’d spent too many days staring at your name in his lists of contacts, his thumb hovering over the call button. The days ticked by, and soon it was way too late for Dean to call or reach out so he was left with replaying the last conversation you’d ever had like he needed to torture himself to make up for the hurt.

“Where are you?” Sam’s voice pulled Dean out of his thoughts and he frowned. That was never a good sign.

Sam spoke in a low voice before he nodded and hung up.

Dean stared at his younger brother as Sam stood, pausing as his eyes flicked toward Dean who was watching intently.

“Dean, she…”

Dean nodded, his eyes flicking back downward. “Yeah, I don’t blame her.”

“Look, why don’t you help from here, alright? I’ll make sure she’s alright.” Sam said, although he knew it must be killing Dean. 

“Yeah, just let me know what you need,” Dean responded, failing to hide the slight dejection in his voice as Sam left.

“Sammy.”

His name flowed off your lips the moment you opened the door, feeling familiar yet foreign at the same time. Yet, it was really good to see him.

Sam just smiled, enveloping you in a tight hug the way only an older brother would. “It’s good to see you.”

You nodded, smiling.

“You flying solo?” Sam asked, frowning.

You shook your head. “I’m not hunting. Not really. We were just passing through and I wanted to just run, but I… I couldn’t. Now, my friend’s sister is missing and I just…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Wait. We?”

You gave him a guilty smile. “That’s why I called.” You paused before continuing. “And why I asked you to come alone. I didn’t think I should surprise Dean out here.”

Sam gave you a confused look and you exhaled slowly.

Without saying anything more, you led Sam into the room, as his eyes fell upon a two-year-old kid. A kid who was unmistakably Dean’s son as he gripped a miniature Impala car in his hand where he was sitting on the ground.

Sam looked at you in surprise.

You nodded. “This is Leo.”

It was probably a Winchester thing but Leo took to Sam almost immediately despite the fact he never let anyone else but you carry him for the past two years. 

You remembered how he’d wail in the doctor's or nurse’s arms but he seemed perfectly content sitting in Uncle Sammy’s arms now, playing with Sam’s hair.

“I was gonna get a friend to watch him, but if he likes you so much…”

Sam looked at you like you were crazy. “You’re not going alone.”

You exhaled slowly and nodded, like you’d already expected this answer from him.

Instead, Sam asked to review the information you had. It felt almost like the good old days, as you watched Sam pore over the notes you had at the small desk at the motel, the only thing different being that Dean wasn’t here and you had a two-year-old who’d fallen asleep in your arms.

You knew Sam was planning to call Dean when he left to get dinner but you pretended like you didn’t, busying yourself with preparing Leo’s meal.

When Sam returned with food for the both of you, you glanced at him and he nodded. “Yeah, I called Dean. Look, you know the research there is helpful. It won’t hurt.”

You shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”

Sam glanced up at you. “What’s the plan, Y/N? Why didn’t you tell him? Or me?”

You glanced over your shoulder at where Leo was sleeping soundly and sighed softly. “I don’t know. I guess… I guess Dean and I never really had the talk. I didn’t know where he stood with regards to having kids, especially in this life.”

You paused, looking up at Sam momentarily before continuing. “Besides, we’d broken up. I thought he’d try to come and get me but… well, he didn’t. By the time I found out I was pregnant, too much time had passed and I didn’t know how to tell him.”

Sam nodded quietly, letting you continue.

“But I got out. I didn’t let Leo into this part of our life. Until today. And I hate it that he’s here when there’s a nest of fucking vamps right here. I didn’t…”

Sam reached out and squeezed your shoulder. “You were right to call. No matter what, it never hurts to have someone looking out for you.”

You smiled. “Well, I’m glad it’s you…”

“And Dean. Sorta.” You added after a small silence.

The conversation was cut short by Sam’s phone and he quickly answered it. “Anything good?”

You could hear the crackle of Dean’s voice and you felt your heart give a jolt. A jolt that didn’t exactly surprise you. Of course, how could you ever get over Dean Winchester?

You could vaguely hear Dean giving Sam some additional information before Sam hung up, glancing at you.

“You sure about this, Y/N?”

You glanced at Leo before nodding. You planted a firm kiss on Leo’s head, nodding to your friend, Samantha.

“Don’t worry. Sam’s great at what he does. We’ll figure this out.” 

She nodded back at you, assuring you that Leo was in safe hands.

It was your first hunt in a long while, but being a hunter seemed to already be a part of your DNA. 

Armed with the information that Dean had dug up, you and Sam managed to infiltrate the nest, easily lopping heads of vampires off as they were caught off-guard. You were glad Sam was there to have your back, especially when you both made your way to the dead center of the nest. 

“Sharon?” You kept your voice low. 

You headed to where she was huddled in the corner. You didn’t know Sharon well but you’d met once or twice when you’d come up here to meet Samantha.

“Y/N?” 

Her voice shook slightly. 

You nodded. “Yeah. I promised Samantha I’d bring you home.”

Sharon looked around, her eyes flicking to a dead body lying to the side. “They’re…”

You shook your head at Sharon. “Sharon, look at me. We’re going to get you home alright? Trust me.”

“Come on, Y/N.” Sam urged gently. 

Of course, you knew hunts never went that smoothly. 

A growl alerted you that a vamp had joined you and your body stiffened, the grip on the machete in your hand tightening. 

“Sam, get her out of here.”

“Y/N.” Sam’s voice was stressed and you recognized it, the struggle between leaving you here and taking Sharon to safety. 

“I’ll be fine.” You assured him, glancing back at the new arrival.

Sam didn’t answer but you knew the exact moment when he took Sharon and left, their footsteps seeming to echo as they got further away. 

“You hunters are the real monsters.” The vampire droned, staring at you. “Here we are, just trying to survive and you break into our home and kill my entire family.”

You tried to stifle the sarcastic laughter that was at the tip of your tongue.

“That’s rich coming from you.”

You knew it was coming before the vampire twitched, and you swung your machete upward as he rushed toward you. 

The vampire sidestepped, missing the machete by inches as it growled, even more determined to get you.

You stepped back again as it lunged at you, your heart sinking as you felt yourself lose your footing. 

Fuck. 

You rolled out of the way but the vampire was too quick, pouncing upon you. 

You raised your machete but it was too close, the machete inching closer toward you as the vampire bared its fangs at you. 

You held onto a single thought. You had to get home to Leo. 

Then, as if by sheer willpower, the unmistakable sound of a blade swishing through the air before the vampire’s head rolled off its shoulders. 

“Dean?”

Dean had lasted all of five minutes after the last call with Sam before he’d muttered a “screw this” to himself and torn his way out of the bunker and down to where Sam and you were.

You were still stunned as Dean rolled what was left of the vampire off you and helped you up.

“You alright? Are you hurt?” Dean’s eyes studied you, unable to differentiate if the blood on you was the result of any injuries you might have sustained before he’d arrived.

You shook your head. “I’m fine.”

The atmosphere sank into awkwardness as the both of you stood there now in silence.

“Sorry, Y/N. I know you wanted me to sit this one out, but I…”

You shook your head and interrupted him. “No, I… Thanks, Dean.”

You fell back into silence, both of you walking out toward the exit to Sam.

“God, Y/N!” Sharon’s stressed voice made her way to you first but you didn’t miss the surprised look Sam gave his brother even as you were assuring Sharon you weren’t hurt.

You looked up to see Dean quietly heading to the Impala, and before you could think through your next move, you were running toward him.

“Dean.”

Dean paused and turned to look at you.

You took a deep breath. “We need to talk.”

There was a look in Dean’s eyes that sat somewhere between confusion and intrigue.

You looked down at your blood-stained clothes and smiled. “Give me a few hours and I’ll come meet you at the bunker?” 

The words rolled off your tongue feeling foreign yet welcoming at the same time.

“The bunker?” Dean asked.

You shrugged. “Or wherever you guys want. If you don’t want me there.”

Dean shook his head. “That’s not what I…” He paused before continuing. “See you there.”

You watched the Impala drive off before you turned back to look at Sam, who had a small smile on his face, and you knew he’d heard everything.

You’d delivered Sharon safely back to Samantha, who hadn’t asked any questions, just glad to see her sister again. and you even managed to shower and change before Leo even noticed you and Sam were gone.

Now, Sam pulled up outside the bunker and you took a deep breath. 

“Ready?” Sam asked softly.

You gave a short laugh. “Never.”

You felt everything at the same time as you took Leo in your arms and walked into the bunker, the memories seeming to hit you all at once - the way this place made you feel, the laughter in your head that belonged to a memory of the three of you as you sat in Dean's embrace.

Even if this was the same place where things had ended, it was the happy memories that followed you as you walked down the stairs now.

Dean stepped out of the kitchen, freezing in his footsteps.

His eyes took in the sight before him, a kid that looked like a carbon copy of himself except for the eyes that were undoubtedly yours.

“Y/N…”

You cleared your throat and exhaled. 

“Hey Leo, let’s go find you some snacks,” Sam said, reaching his hands out for Leo.

Leo cracked a smile and allowed Sam to pick him out of your arms. “Pie!”

Sam glanced over at Dean, unable to hide a chuckle. “I’m sure we have that.”

The silence that followed was almost loud as Dean looked at you in disbelief and you cleared your throat. “Let’s talk.”

Dean led the way into the library, unsure if he should be pissed or happy to see you.

You leaned against one of the tables, as Dean looked back at you.

“Sorry.” You said quietly, looking down. You knew Dean had every right to be angry and you braced yourself for the rise in his voice but nothing came.

You glanced up at him again, meeting the green eyes you’d sorely missed.

Met with Dean’s silence you spoke again. “I didn’t know how to tell you. By the time I found out about it, too much time had passed since the last time we spoke. I stared at your number but I was afraid. I…” You took another breath. “We never talked about this. I didn’t know if you’d be happy or not and I chickened out.”

“So were you never going to tell me?” Dean finally asked.

You couldn’t really determine the tone of his voice but you shook your head.

“I… I kinda was on the way here.” You said quietly.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. 

“I didn’t really have a plan.” You said. “Part of me thought if I just drove here, I wouldn’t be able to back out anymore. Then, that nest of vamps kidnapped my friend’s sister so I…”

“So you called Sam.” It was a statement.

You gave him a tentative smile. “Didn’t think you’d appreciate seeing Leo without an explanation in the middle of a hunt.”

Dean exhaled slowly.

“So what now?” Dean asked.

You didn’t dare look up at him, afraid your eyes would give you away. The eyes that screamed how you were still in love with him and that you’d missed him every single day that you’d been apart. The way your heart crumbled every time Leo smiled because it reminded you of Dean, and how all you wanted was to be enveloped in those arms again.

Even as those thoughts ran through your mind, you felt the prick of tears because this was exactly why you’d put off telling Dean about Leo.

“I don’t know, D.” You answered quietly. 

Your voice cracked slightly and you hoped Dean hadn’t picked up on it.

“Y/N.” He called, forcing you to look up at him, even though the tears blurred your vision.

Dean closed the gap between the both of you, one hand cupping your face as he pressed his lips against yours, his other arm snaking around your waist and pulling you closer to him.

“God, I missed you,” Dean whispered, as he pulled away just a little, your faces still pressed together.

You buried your face into his shoulder without saying anything, feeling your tears get absorbed into the shirt he had on.

You needn’t have worried about Leo. You looked at you son clutching the tiny toy Impala while he sat in his father's arms almost triumphantly as they came back in. Dean had brought Leo to see the real thing, and Leo had a ball of a time just sitting in the Impala.

“Mama, can we stay?” Leo asked with anticipation in his voice.

You froze. Dean and you hadn’t talked about anything. He’d kissed you, you’d hugged and then you’d gotten him out of that library to meet his son.

Dean closed the gap between the two of you, putting Leo into a giant hug between the both of you before he reached out for your hand.

“Stay,” Dean said quietly.

You glanced up at him. 

“I’m not going to lose you again.” Dean added, squeezing your hand gently. “Not for anything in the world.”

The words felt stuck in your throat, but you glanced at Leo and smiled. “Yeah, we’re staying with Daddy and Uncle Sammy.”

Dean leaned forward to press a quick kiss to your lips amidst Leo's triumphant yells.

Sam moved forward to press you into a hug. “Welcome home, Y/N.”

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[pascaloverx]

HAUNTED

Summary: You awaken from a two-year coma to find that Detective Lois has been eagerly awaiting your recovery, believing you might have witnessed something crucial to catching a serial killer. What you didn’t expect is to learn that she suspects your doctor of being the murderer—and even more shockingly, it appears that you are married to him. Now, you must uncover your lost memories and find out who Charlie Mayhew truly is to you.

Author's Note: Yes, I'm writing another fanfic featuring Nicholas Alexander Chavez’s character from Grotesquerie. The characters belong to the universe created by Ryan Murphy in the series Grotesquerie (2024). This fanfic will include violence, strong language, and adult content. It will portray the character Charlie Mayhew as a doctor. I hope you enjoy the fanfic, but there's nothing certain about its future.

PREVIEW TWO

© credits for the owners of the pictures used. they don't belong to me. credit is not mine for the pictures.

ONE

The tension in your hospital room is palpable, Detective Lois and Dr. Mayhew locking eyes as if each were ready to strike. You’re bewildered, unsure of whom or what to believe. But one thing is clear: Dr. Mayhew is your husband. He appears to be the quickest path to recovering your memory—even though Lois seems convinced he’s the reason you’re in this condition.

“Detective Tryon, as eager as you are to drag a statement out of my wife, she’ll be of no use to your scheme of blaming me for your incompetence,” Dr. Mayhew says, running a hand through his hair with a clear hint of tension. “She remembers nothing, and your persistence will only confuse her further.” He sighs heavily, while Lois watches him with a mocking smile, as if her patience has completely worn thin.

“Your performance is so convincing. You must have taken acting lessons at some point in your life,” she says, stepping toward him with a threatening air. “I can’t allow you to harm this woman before she has the chance to tell the world who you really are.”

“Enough!” you exclaim, frustrated by their bickering. Both turn to you, their expressions shifting to something like concern. “Detective Tryon, I appreciate your efforts to keep me safe. But if this man truly is my husband, that must mean something,” you say, almost on instinct. Perhaps you’re being foolish, even hasty. But there has to be something to this. Taking a risk is all you have left—now that you don’t even belong to yourself.

"Are you really willing to risk your life to be near this man, Y/N?" Detective Tryon holds your arm, her grip nearly desperate, as though trying to pull you away from Dr. Mayhew. The force of it makes you uncomfortable, and you wince, letting out a low sound of pain.

“Release my wife, Detective,” Dr. Mayhew snaps, his tone finally sharpened, his calm composure cracking. “I remind you that if we report your misconduct to your superiors, your entire baseless case will fall apart.” He steps between you and Lois, his hands slipping into his lab coat pockets, the stance a clear challenge.

"What would truly please you, right?" Lois challenges, staring straight into Dr. Mayhew's eyes. You watch them silently, still feeling the ache in your arm where Lois had grabbed you.

"Would you like to know what would actually please me?" Dr. Mayhew whispers, moving closer to Lois. "I’d be pleased to have my wife with me again, without the interference of a lunatic so obsessed with her own failures that she needs to ruin my life just to sleep at night. Careful, Lois. You’re becoming obsessed with me." You're uncertain of his intentions, but the authoritative tone in his voice and the way he carries himself is undeniably alluring.

Lois narrows her eyes, her expression darkening as Dr. Mayhew moves closer, his tone laced with mockery and barely concealed venom. “Is that so, Dr. Mayhew? Obsession, you call it?” she scoffs, a bitter smile playing on her lips. “Let’s not confuse dedication to justice with obsession. But perhaps you’re simply too accustomed to manipulating the truth to recognize it when you see it.”

You watch the exchange, torn between skepticism and an undeniable draw toward him. Despite the sharp edge in his words, the way Dr. Mayhew stands his ground, unyielding and unafraid, stirs something within you. Even as his gaze shifts to meet yours, there’s an intensity there that unsettles yet captivates you—a magnetic pull that defies reason.

“Why not focus on your own affairs, Detective,” he murmurs, his eyes still on you, a slight smirk playing at the corner of his mouth, “and let my wife and I… reconnect. Unless, of course, you’ve truly no other purpose in your life than meddling in mine.”

Your confidence is remarkable, Charlie," Lois remarks. "Mrs. Mayhew, if you need me for any reason, here’s my number. I’ll also be visiting again soon to see if there’s been any progress in your memory recovery." She hands you a card with her contact information, then smirks mockingly at Dr. Mayhew. "And don’t worry, Charlie, I’ll let Megan know you’ll be unavailable." With that, she finally exits your hospital room.

Charlie stares at you, irritation burning in his gaze. "Do you believe her?" Dr. Mayhew demands, advancing toward you with sudden intensity. You feel as if the air is being drawn from your lungs with his nearness, his gaze piercing. "Honestly, I don’t know whom to believe," you murmur, leaning back against the hospital bed behind you, your eyes locked onto his.

"Fine!" he exclaims, voice laced with indignation. He turns to leave, but then hesitates, his hand lingering on the door frame as if torn between staying and leaving. After a tense pause, he steps back inside, his tone shifting from anger to something raw and vulnerable.

"Y/N… if you can’t trust me, then at least remember what we once were. Remember the promises we made." His voice drops to a murmur, almost pleading. "I’m not the monster she’s painting me to be." The intensity in his words sends a shiver down your spine, leaving you more conflicted than ever as he finally, reluctantly, exits the room. What makes it all worse is that neither of them is truly thinking about you. Neither one noticed that you’ve only just discovered your own name, that you're lost and confused. They don’t see that you don’t want to be manipulated—you want to be understood.

“You are like him…” you murmur, recognizing that you’re no longer in your hospital room. Everything around you is intensely white—the walls, the bed you're seated on, every corner spotless and untouched. A cross hangs on the wall behind the priest, casting a shadow that flickers slightly, as if from candlelight. The room feels steeped in something sacred, almost otherworldly, like a faint echo of a memory stirring within you. The priest looks at you with a serene expression, though there’s an unmistakable weight behind his gaze. As he steps closer, the almost sacred atmosphere around you amplifies the tension. You try to process the overwhelming resemblance to Dr. Mayhew—even the contours of his face are identical, but the priest’s shorter, more traditional hairstyle highlights the difference. Your mind wavers between doubt and recognition, as if your subconscious is trying to unveil something long forgotten.

“You keep searching for answers outside yourself, yet everything you need lies within,” he murmurs, his deep voice echoing through the room like a quiet revelation.

“Father, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do, what to feel,” you whisper, your voice breaking as you meet his gaze. Tears slip down your cheeks, and a quiet, aching desperation fills the space between you. The priest, unmoved yet tender, holds your gaze.

“Faith moves mountains, and as long as it resides within you, you will be safe,” he murmurs, his voice a gentle command that resonates deeply. “Find your faith, and you will know what—and whom—to believe.”

Despite the haziness, a strange comfort wraps around your heart, soft yet unexplainable. His words, laced with a familiar warmth, guide you into a calm acceptance, though the reason remains unknown. Then, leaning closer, he whispers in your ear, “Now, kneel and seek forgiveness.” Almost instinctively, you find yourself on your knees before him, grasping the folds of his robe at his knees, your head bowed as though in reverence.

“Father, forgive me,” you whisper, your head bowed. His fingers lift your chin gently, compelling you to meet his gaze. “How can I grant you absolution, when your hands are stained with blood, my sweet sinner?” he murmurs, lowering his face near yours, his breath warm against your ear, sending a chill down your spine.

You’re shocked, frozen beneath his intense gaze, but unable to break away. As you glance down, horror floods your senses—you see your hands smeared with blood. Stumbling backward, you gasp, eyes wide in disbelief. The priest rises from the bed, stepping slowly toward you with an unwavering gaze, a faint trail of blood marking his face. You’re overwhelmed with fear, a scream building in your throat until it finally erupts, piercing the silence. And then—just like that—you awaken from your haunting dream, heart racing, as the unsettling remnants of the nightmare fade into the dim light of your hospital room.

Dr. Mayhew, startled awake in the chair beside your bed, immediately reaches for you. “Hey, Y/N, are you alright?” he asks, his voice filled with concern as he stands and wraps you in a firm embrace. His arms encircle you with a warmth that feels protective, grounding you in the present moment, as if he’s trying to shield you from whatever haunted you.

“I… I had a nightmare,” you whisper once you catch your breath, the tension beginning to ease as you lean into his hold. And everything feels like déjà vu. Just like before, you wake from a nightmare involving the priest, and once again, Dr. Mayhew is by your side. You can't help but wonder if there’s a connection between his presence and the terrifying, bloody dreams that haunt you each night.

“Don’t worry, darling,” Dr. Mayhew murmurs softly, his hand tracing gentle circles on your back, his touch soothing. The warmth of his embrace gives you an unexpected feeling of lightness, as though he’s holding you together amidst the lingering fragments of your nightmare.

“Can we leave this place?” you ask, your voice trembling as you try to stifle the tears that have flowed since you woke. He holds you a little closer, and you feel a subtle tension in his grip, as if considering your question carefully.

“We will, soon,” he assures, his tone steady, though a flicker of something unreadable passes over his face. “For now, rest. I’ll be here.”

"Stay here; I need you to answer me—while looking into my eyes," you insist, tugging at Dr. Mayhew's clothes, almost dislodging his tie. Though he’d intended to return to the hospital chair, he remains by your side, his gaze steady yet guarded.

“Will you even believe my answer?” he asks softly, his voice carrying a hint of doubt, as though unsure anything he says would hold weight with you. His eyes search yours, wary yet attentive, as if weighing what he’s willing to reveal.

"You'll have to take the risk and believe that I will," you say softly, though you're unsure if you can truly trust anything he says. Dr. Mayhew's hand reaches gently to touch your face, but you instinctively pull back, murmuring, "I’m sorry."

“Ask me whatever you wish, Y/N,” he says, his voice tinged with impatience, perhaps confused by your conflicting actions—clinging to him, pulling him closer, yet retreating from his touch. You, too, are struggling to understand what you’re feeling, torn between wanting him near and pushing him away.

“Do you love me?” you ask, your gaze unwavering, trying to find answers in the depths of his eyes. His stare holds yours, as if the question should be irrelevant, as if he has already shown you everything you need to know. His expression softens, but the weight of his response carries something more.

"I’m your husband, Y/N," he replies, his voice steady, but there's an intensity in his eyes, a depth of meaning that you can’t ignore. "Doesn't that answer everything?" His words hang in the air, thick with unspoken emotion, and for a moment, you wonder if the truth lies somewhere in the space between his claims and the confusion that churns in your heart.

"Answer me, Dr. Mayhew, do you love me?" you ask, using a more assertive tone, making it clear that you are not satisfied with his previous answer. He smiles, as if he can't believe it. "I love you, Mrs. Mayhew. I would die for you if necessary," he responds confidently. His eyes are fixed on you, as if waiting for something.

"Then even if the truth disappoints me. Even if you think it's going to hurt me, I need you to be honest. About these murders, about Megan, about everything." You speak firmly, staring into his eyes.

Dr. Mayhew's expression hardens as you mention the two things he surely wishes you would forget. For a moment, he looks at the hospital room wall without saying anything. "Honesty is a double-edged sword. As you inflict it on someone, someone can inflict it on you," his gaze darkens, his demeanor heavy, almost demonic. "If honesty is what you want; honesty is all you'll get."

He stands up, lifting his face to yours, now standing directly in front of you. "You think the truth will set you free, but sometimes it only binds you to something far worse," Dr. Mayhew says, so close to your face it feels as though he's about to kiss you. His words are heavy, yet his gaze is devilishly captivating. For a moment, you sense that he's savoring the expression of fear in your eyes. "Then let the truth bind us both, if that's what we deserve," you reply, challenging him, even though a part of you trembles with fear.

He straightens his coat, his hand running through his hair with a sharp, almost angry gesture, as though attempting to pull himself together. "Rest, Y/N. The truth will find its way to you, sooner or later. But I can promise you this: I am, and will always be, honest with the woman I love—even if she doubts me." With those words, Dr. Mayhew places a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead, a gesture of tenderness. Then, without another word, he exits your hospital room, leaving you in a heavy silence.

[luvrodite]

lover, be good to me. jason todd [3.4k]

synopsis. in the third summer of your love, you get sick.

cw. gn!reader, sickfic, mental health issues, descriptions of weight fluctuation, angst, hurt/comfort. medication. this one is a bit heavy so please exercise discretion. written from the perspective of chronic illness but nothing is specified beyond discussion of mental health symptoms.

There’s a ghost that lives in your home.

This thing lives between you and Jason, a haunting in every room, a presence you can’t not feel. You feel its baleful eyes on you in dreams and upon waking, strongest in the winter, when the East Coast chill sinks its teeth into your arms hard enough to reach bone. 

It goes like this: sometime in the third summer of your love, you get sick. There isn’t anything to point to what it is exactly, only that one June morning you don’t get out of bed. It’s nothing until it is, the next several weeks spent making a home in the four walls of your shared bedroom. 

A flip switches seemingly overnight, and you’re further from your lover than you’ve ever been. 

Jason - and the part of you that knows better, dormant now, buried beneath the rubble - watches in mute horror as you bring yourself to ruin. The desire to be good, the control you’ve held over yourself, slips free of your grasp in seconds. Invisible threads are picked at until you’re frayed at the ends and your beloved home, this reprieve the two of you had as good as built from the ground up, falls victim to it. 

You pick fights. You slam doors and hide in the bathroom for hours on end. You want to scream yourself hoarse, your fingers itching for violence, longing to shatter something if only to give life to this sickness that lives in you, as if by breaking, you’ll cast it out. The exorcism does not come, but a cloying feeling sits beneath your skin, strangling, blood sitting stagnant in your veins and rotting. 

There are moments of clarity, when you lift your head from the haze and the gravity of all you’ve done barrels into you like a freight train. Those do not last long, invisible hands pulling you back under before you can correct your course. It's as though you take the backseat, replaced by something entirely that takes the controls, watching in mute horror as you destroy everything around you.

Jason gives it back just as good but even then, even in the anger, there’s something else in his eyes. You catalogue it, feeling as though your very soul has split – it’s the you from before that weeps at this, reaching out for your lover in prostration, begging for forgiveness. The being that lives in you now, volatile, ever shifting like a burning flame, burns too bright to feel shame. He is there, and he loves you – enough to bear the brunt of your pain, apparently. Shards of shrapnel, your anger is explosive and shatters everything in its wake. It cares not for sentiment, for history and love. You hurt, and it is blinding. 

The doctor’s appointment is booked far later than it ought to be, after weeks of tumultuousness that have left a dour cover over your home, seeping through the cracks in the walls and into the surrounding apartments. Your neighbours must loathe you. You’re too detached, too selfish to care.

The night before is the most clear headed you’ve felt all month, haze lifting as if to show you – look what you’ve done, look at all you’ve wrought. The devastation floors you, the grief you’ve caused to the one you love most curdles your blood and you weep in Jason’s arms. Knelt before him, you press your wet face into his lap. 

I’ll be good. I promise, I’ll try to be better, I’m sorry. 

You can barely breathe through your tears, broken hearted, sure you must be dying. Has anyone ever felt such grief, you wonder, and the thought is immediately followed by a tidal wave of self loathing. Selfish, so focused on your own misgivings. This is no way to live.

He tells you he loves you and it feels like a kindness you don’t deserve. Too good a man for you, an exhaustion from the last month lines his features. The thought terrifies you, that you’ve veered too close to the precipice of forever splintering him, that under your hand he knows other, less gentle things. Yours has not been a peaceful love as of late, and you wonder if this will be the straw that breaks his back.

In the waiting room, his hand finds yours. A good man, one you do not deserve. He doesn’t let go. Not when your name is called, not when you tell your doctor what’s been happening.

You hope, foolish, desperate thing that you are, that they’ll offer a quick fix. It’s laughable, but the soft turn of the doctor’s gaze makes your stomach twist. So begins the year of doctor’s visits.

You become very familiar with waiting rooms, sterile rooms and the low buzz of the news channel playing on TVs, pale walls and water coolers, paper cups shredded in your lap. 

The first shrink you talk to is, at first, the answer to all your problems – Jason balks at it, in the beginning, and you hear him muttering to his brother on the phone but he doesn’t breathe a word of it to you. If it helps you, that’s all that matters. The man listens. He understands how hard things are and how your hurt is poisoning you. He makes the right noises and his cardigan lends him an air of sincerity, brown eyes framed by thick glasses that in the glare of the light feel kind, almost like kinship.

You’re desperate for a solution, even if it means taking the prescription pills that after about a week, leave you with hands that shake violently anytime you raise them, shedding too much weight, way too fast. The insomnia comes next, and then the pills that are meant to fix that. Orange, smaller than the nail on your little finger. The tremors do not go away, but in settles a new drowsiness, bringing with it vivid dreams that feel terrifyingly lifelike. You wake in a sheen of sweat to the already awake gaze of your boyfriend, eyes wide and wary, hands finding yours in the dark, whispering reassurances when you cry again. 

How many tears have you spent this year, and how many have you subjected him to?

His kindness feels like a balm over your jagged edges, and you shake your head when he first tentatively suggests that the medicine isn’t working. You’re determined to stick to your vow. You love him, you need to get better. You can’t keep living like this, can’t do the fits of rage, can’t do the mood changes. You can’t keep hurting the both of you.

Still, sleep evades you, a cruel thing dancing out of reach even when you’re told to double down on the dose. The dreams only worsen, virulent hues of fluorescent greens and red, blood and viscera on your hands. 

It feels like a condemnation when Jason mutters one night, after you’ve woken from yet another dream, body stiff with fright and reaching out for him, less hesitant now in the face of your tears, “This isn’t working.”

Bitterly, you find you can’t argue with him. Worse, you’ve shelled out a horrifying amount of money simply to vent to a yes-man. The pills are disposed of in the morning and another appointment scheduled.

Back in the waiting rooms, back to discussing other, not-shrink options, Jason’s hand finds yours once more. You watch the news, watch tired parents wrangle their sick children, watch the colourful plastic toys. 

“I hate this,” you whisper, leaning into his side. 

You’ve been unwell for a month and then some, by now. The waiting room feels like a taunt – you are sick, you are suffering. The sickness festering in you, the rot you can’t explain, makes you feel smaller than ever, frail in a way you haven’t known before. 

Before, you used to like that Jason was so much bigger than you, that he could protect you. This, though, he cannot save you from, a fact you’re sure frustrates him just as much as your weakness does you. There is the anger, of course, but there is also fear. What is to become of you now? Your life, through your failing health, has been torn from you. You feel robbed, feel a distinctly you-shaped loss in your frame that leaves you teetering on a precipice. How quickly things had taken a turn, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Jason sighs, turning to press his mouth against your hairline. “I know. I know, baby.”

You’re sent off with forms for another blood test. Maybe it’s something different, and there burns a beacon of hope. It is also entirely possible you’ll spend another six months on medication that doesn’t work. 

You don’t care for this. There is a hopelessness and vulnerability to feeling sick that you do not care for, catching sight of yourself in the bathroom mirror and doctor’s office scales and fluctuating weight – you begin to turn your head away from the numbers at this point like you're being stuck by a needle, meeting your lover’s eye while the doctor takes his notes and finding comfort in teal irises, in the small grin he gives you when you’ve done something he thinks to be brave. You don’t care for any of it, but you must. For him. 

He hasn’t breathed a word of contention to you – a good man – but you know it weighs on him. You’ve woken once or twice in the night to find him watching over you, something in his eyes like he fears you’ll slip away, a hand always in yours, or holding you close to him. 

Guilt, ever-cutting, roils in your stomach. The anger cedes these days to make way for it, and your eyes burn, shame becoming a familiar friend.

“I’ve put you through the wringer, haven’t I?” you whisper on one of these nights. He blinks, unaware you’ve woken, and it speaks to how tired he must be that he’d not noticed, too lost in his thoughts to feel your eyes on him.

He cradles your jaw tenderly with one hand, kissing your temple. “No more than I’ve worried you.”

It’s true that you’ve faced your own set of troubles with him. Still, it feels distinctly different – his anger had been the product of fear, a genuine terror at the thought of letting you get too close. There’s decay in you, one you aren’t sure has entirely left, despite your placidity these days. 

“I’m sorry.” You apologise and he narrows his eyes, but you reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers. “You’re a good man.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he grumbles. “Obviously I’m going to fuckin’ look after you.”

Do I deserve it? You think.

“Wish you’d let me do the same for you,” you whisper, instead. It’s a truth you’ve often spoken, but feels like a lie in this moment, a deflection of your feelings. Guilt, once more, settles on your tongue, cloying against your tastebuds.

He kisses you sweetly, and you wonder if he can taste it. Something in the slant of his lips tells you he knows. How could he not? Once, twice, he brushes his mouth over yours. Chaste, loving. “Just get better. Then, maybe. I’ll consider it.”

Your eyes burn, fear like the tide, washing in once more. “What if–” your breath hitches, a lump forming in your throat.

“What?” His voice is soft, encouraging.

“What if it isn’t–if I don’t–” you can’t make out the words. The pad of his fingers brush over your lips.

“You will,” Jason whispers, voice thick. His eyes are bright in the dark, you realise, horrifyingly, sapphires covered in a sheen of liquid. “You will, ‘cause you promised me. And I’m holding you to it.”

You hear it for what it is – I’m here. I’m here and I’m not letting go of you. Don’t let go of me.

He’s asked for so little. Good men are rare to find in Gotham and you’ve got the best of them. You reach up and clutch his wrist, hands turning until your fingers slot comfortably between each other. 

“Okay,” you tell him, and you know he knows. I’m going to get better. 

The diagnosis comes eventually. In your relief, there is also bitterness. Another step forward, it still feels entirely too late. It should have come before, you think. Before you’d taken a sledgehammer to your love, before you’d fractured yourself and Jason from the inside out, before you’d put scars where there had been none, invisible lacerations lining the walls of your chest.

The medication – pills, pills, always pills – is difficult to adjust to at first. It leaves you short of breath, and more anxious, reaching for Jason to ground you. You cry a lot and though it isn’t anything new, there’s a misery in Jason’s eyes that only makes you weep more. You want to be okay again. You want to smile at him without the weight of all you’ve done, without knowing you’ve made him cry when he thinks you’re asleep, tears bleeding silently into the space of the pillowcase above your head. You want to go back so bad it makes your hands shake.

You lie awake, staring at the ceiling. Jason, on his side, brushes a finger over the swell of your cheek.

“Can I say something.”

You hum, sliding your eyes over to him. He gives you a tentative smile - the barest quirk of his lips. 

“Maybe I’m being hopeful, I don’t know,” he mutters, eyes tracing the slope of your nose. “Tell me to shut up if I start talking too much.”

This bashfulness makes you laugh a little. It’s so much like before, and you ache for it. For a moment, you can pretend nothing bad has happened, that the two of you are just in love and home. 

(You wonder if you will always be reaching for before. If you’ll ever get it back, if you’ll always long for it. You wonder if Jason does too.)

“What?” you breathe out.

“Think the meds are working.”

Your breathing shallows and you blink at Jason. Hope is a fickle thing, and it feels tremulous, dancing just before your fingers, as if coaxing you to reach out. You trust him more than anyone in the world, but you’re scared to hope. “What?”

His knuckle brushes over your cheek. “You don’t look as tired.”

You avert your eyes. “Maybe I’m just sleeping better.” Tell me. I’m selfish, I know, but tell me I’m doing better. I need to hear it from you.

He shakes his head, and you quietly marvel at the bloom of pleasure in his face, a contentment you haven’t seen in months in the crease around his eyes. “It’s not that.”

The doctor confirms this when you go back a few weeks later and Jason, so like himself for a brief moment, meets your eyes over the man’s head and mouths, I told you. You bite back a grin, still wary, barely out of the woods. 

“You’ve gained weight,” the doctor says when he gets you on the scale, and he sounds so pleased the sound shoots straight through to your heart, flintstone striking a light, kindling hope for the first time in months. You look down to the numbers flashing back at you, to your lover – but he’s already watching you, eyes creased in silent pleasure. 

You are the last to accept this tentative beginning to peace, to healing, but he waits for you at the threshold, hand outstretched. 

There is no tangible evidence of the destruction you’ve wrought in your home but it lingers, even as you begin the slow crawl out of the woods. You see it in the lines of your lover’s face. There are corners of the room you cannot bear to look at for the first few months following your appointment, too reminiscent of words you’d bellowed in a rage induced haze, captive to your own body. 

This history is one too fresh, too tender to accept just yet, wounds still pink and raw. You cannot face yourself yet. There is too much to do, too much work to do, too much at stake to jeapordise if you slip and fall now.

But Jason is a good man. Much better than you think you deserve – but he’s said the same about you, so perhaps…just maybe…you think it might even out. 

He doesn’t shy away from the worst bits of you, the ugliness you’ve bared to him does not run him off, not like how you flinch from it. You made a promise. I’m holding you to it. He’s hard to shake off, but you don’t want him to. You’re thankful, even, for the dog teeth he’s sunken into your forearm, bound together in blood.

There is grief in beginning to heal. 

Perhaps heal is not the right word, and yet there is no other for this, overcoming the last few months feels like it ought to be called healing. But this is a forever thing. You will know this deficiency for the rest of your life, will know doctor’s appointments and bloodwork – strictly cautionary, we need to make sure the dose is right so we can adjust it accordingly. 

There is grief in finding your footing. It lingers, the horror of falling victim to a biological response – that your mind should so easily be lost, it feels indicative of something greater, a weakness you need to cut out at the root. Jason shakes his head when you voice this one night – you are only ever honest like this under the cover of darkness, sleep softened and gentle enough to be frank with him. 

“You’re not weak.” He says this with love in his voice, but a thread of steel weaves through his words. “Don’t fucking say that. You’re here. That counts for a fucking lot.”

He tugs you closer and you feel it again, that fear that grips his heart. Like you might dissolve in his arms in the middle of the night. 

“I feel better–than before,” you tell him, peering up at him, eyes burning. You press a hand to your heart. “But I still feel it. It’s still here.”

He presses his forehead against yours. “I know.”

And you suppose he would know. “Is it gonna be like this forever?”

He takes a moment to think, and you have to tuck yourself into his neck to hide your tears. Raw – this year has left you raw. You’ve spent a fountain of tears, but they’re yet to run out. You find solace in the hollow of his throat; if you could, you think you would attach yourself there permanently.

“Yes, but no.” You make a questioning noise and he smooths a hand down your back. “‘S gonna be different, now. Not always going to be bad, or good, just – different.”

“Different.” The word fits oddly in your mouth, and whether it’s the late hour or your grief, you can’t make sense of it. He shudders out a breath, weary, and you press closer.

“Yeah,” he whispers into your hair. 

“I just–” you swallow with some difficulty, a lump in your throat. What is there to say that you haven’t already? “I hate this.”

His lips twitch into a tired, sympathetic grin. “I know, baby.”

Silence follows his words, where you mull over all that there is to say, sorting through the jumble of words in your head. You shift until there’s a little room between the two of you, looking up at him.

“Hey.”

He hums, and you feel his hand raise from your back to cup the back of your neck, thumb sweeping over your nape gently. 

“I’m gonna –” your breath hitches, stumbling over the words. “I’m gonna be good, I’ll – I’ll be better. I promise.”

And he knows you’re not talking about your health. This is a forever thing, after all. Your words point to the hidden cracks in the walls, the foundation of your home and heart – I’ll be better. 

Tourmaline eyes crack open a little wider to look at you, tired, but hopeful. “I know, baby. We’ll be alright.”

Ah. Of course he knows. You grin tremulously up at him and press forward to smudge a kiss against his jaw, breathing your promise once more against his skin, hoping it takes root. 

Jason waits at the threshold of your new normal, arm outstretched, knowing you’d join him eventually. He’d known, of course he had – every inch of your soul was his. He holds his hand out. 

Out of the woods, you take it.

fin.

this fic has been in my drafts since 2022 and it always felt too vulnerable to write and finish. like there needed to be a big ceremony about it. this fic is incredibly personal to me, and i always thought i had to be 'ready' to finally finish it, whatever 'ready' means. but it's a sunday night and the semester begins tomorrow, and i'm writing this in bed listening to whatever my spotify plays for me. i'm not sure if this will make sense to anyone but i hope it makes you feel something regardless.

this is a love letter to myself first and foremost, because i'm no longer afraid of reopening an old wound!! i carry her with me always and i love her and i'm taking care of her. i love her and i love you.

[sharuruwrites]

Another

I'm in love with the idea Of dying with you in my arms But not like this - The Bird song by Noah Floersch

Tags: Osamu Dazai x Fem!Reader, Angst, inspiration from BEAST manga, unedited, Reader works as a florist, lots of deaths, Dazai being a Yandere in one of his past lives?, Unalive oneself, fluff

A/n: haven't read the manga, but hearing these specific lines from that song two days ago while driving to home, made me write this. I do recommend to look up hanakotoba or Japanese Flower Language after reading this one shot.

------------------------------------

The ability to experience and remembered all past lives sounded a good idea in theory. However, one must expect that not everything would be the same as one hoped it'll be.

Unfortunately, Osamu Dazai was blessed? or perhaps cursed? He really didn't know at this point as he lost count in how many lives he started and ended. Dazai was too busy studying the lady's beautiful features behind the glass window of a flower shop.

Someone was so lovely and brimming with life, but so far within his reach. The carefree smile on your face never changed either.

Yes, this wasn't his first encounter of you. In fact, in every life he experienced, a very special constant existed. He unexpectedly believed he would get his desired ending.

You.

Despite your profession being the same through the many lifetimes, you always have a different favourite flower and a different ending.

In the first book, the scent of red roses was constant to him as you always greeted him with it. It was a fall at first sight. Stolen kisses, intimate conversations, and silence filled with affection. Love and Passion -- those two words described what his first relationship was like with you. Just the existence of you was enough to fill the void he found in his tiring world.

Yet, his enemies found out his 'weakness', and the last thing he remembered from that life was rage and anger directed at everything after your corpse was delivered to him.

In the next book, your first meeting, Dazai brushed his fingers against yours as you were reaching for the soft hydrangeas. Memories from the previous book haunted him, and swore to himself that he would do everything to keep you safe. The moment you fell for him he ensnared you, and locked you up in his apartment like a caged bird.

Dazai took advantage of your kind heart by threatening to take his life if you dared to go outside. His fear of losing you and his stubborn pride drove you to insanity. Instead of an obedient and dependent beloved welcoming him home, he found you dead with an empty bottle of sleeping pills.

In one of the books and after many more tragedies, Dazai vowed to not fall for you, but fate was a such a cruel mistress to suffering. Everywhere he went, you were there, wearing a metallic spider-like flower brooch.

Since when fucking Yokahama city became a small town for him to see you so easily?

Dazai avoided you like a plaque, but it's unavoidable as you were somehow acquainted with the agency's mad doctor, Yosano. During your visits in the agency, longing still filled him as he caught glimpses of you. Dazai yearned to be the one who makes you smile effortlessly.

After he gathered the courage to approach you, he witnessed a car crash as your body flung across the busy street of the city. His mind screamed at him to get close to you, but he stood still as his eyes locked onto the bloodied flower brooch on your dress.

That's where realization hit Dazai. Whether it be from the start or from the end, you and him were doomed. He's enamoured to a dream -- to die alongside of a beautiful lady. But, if it meant a countless partings with you attached to your tragic end, why would he wished for it?

Although all hope may seemed lost, Dazai dreamt of a very peaceful scenery last night that ignited his hope of a happy ending with you.

"I know we just got married," Dazai cupped your face, and his thumb caressed your cheek. "But, will you marry me in our next life?"

You leaned further to his touch with your eyes getting misty. "Well, as long as you hear me say yes."

With a deep breath, Dazai walked into your flower shop. The bell rang, and the flowers' scent filled his senses. He took a moment to enjoy the sight before him—the roses, carnations, and lilies, all so pretty. He felt himself smile at the sight, as if he hadn't seen them in years. He had never thought much of flowers, but after he met you, he found himself falling in love with them.

"Welcome!" you called from behind the counter, greeting him. "How may I help you?"

"Instead of help," Dazai plucked a cluster of small blue flowers from a nearby vase. "Can't I just give a beautiful lady like you a flower?"

"Oh," You meekly accepted the flower. "How did you know that forget-me-nots are my favourite?"

Dazai chuckled. "A lucky guess?"

[sl-vega]

04; next door nuisance

project: love liason! - a scaramouche smau

Standing outside your new neighbour's house was an oddly daunting task, it was only a few meters away from your own, but there was something so...intimidating about it.

Maybe it was because of how put together the home seemed, even from the outside, maybe it was because she told you the lady next door was a doctor and successful people were inherently and utterly terrifying to you.

Or maybe it was because she had a child, and children were the absolute bane of your existence. But here you were, about to become free labour while your mother talked to Dr. Raiden about whatever mothers gossiped about.

Part of you wished you had agreed to Navia's invite to the movies a few weeks prior, sure you would be third wheeling her and Chlorinde's god-awful attempts at flirting but at least you wouldn't be tagging along with your mother and her new friend while probably babysitting some brat.

But alas, here you were, now on the doorstep of your new neighbour's home, your finger trembling as you reached out for the door bell. Before your mother promptly pushed it herself, clearly growing weary of your hesitation.

Hell, you would've taken doing that boring project with Childe's tag along over this. What was his name again?

From inside the home, you could here a woman's muffled voice call out something; "Kuni? Could you go get the door?"

The sounds of footsteps neared the entrance, and the lock slowly clicked as the door swung open. You had expected to be met with a snotty child, maybe around eight years of age, but you weren't.

Instead, you were met face-to-face with the same indigo eyes that seemed to constantly haunt you everywhere.

"You?!-"

"Oh, it's you."

The pair of you especially emphasized the 'you' part, you more so due to the shock and him more so due to disappointment. He glanced at you, looking you up and down for a few moments, clearly trying to recall some details about your identity.

"You're...Mona's friend right..?"

He quickly turned behind him to let his mother know that you were here before finally letting you and your own mother into the house, she promptly walked in to greet Ms. Raiden in the kitchen leaving you and Scaramouche to your own devices.

"Yes, I'm Mona's friend."

Part of you wanted to admonish the guy for not even bothering to call you by your own name, but then you remembered you had been referring to him as 'Childe's tag along' for the past few weeks so it was honestly fair.

Suddenly, a woman had entered the entry way, where you and Scaramouche were currently in.

She had dark purple hair, much like her son, and had it styled in a loose braid that was draped over her left shoulder. She had a beauty mark right underneath the corner of her right eye, and her faced seemed to be in an eternal state of stoicism.

She finally flashed you a warm- though slightly strained-smile, before gesturing to the dining room.

"You must be Mrs. (L/N)'s daughter, she's told me so much about you! I'm Ms. Raiden, but you can just call me Ei."

She introduced herself formally firmly shaking her hand and escorting you to the dining room.

"Kunikuzushi, you didn't tell me you knew each other."

She laughed quietly, though there seemed to be an off putting undertone to her words, you remained quiet however.

As did Scaramouche.

Making your way to the dining room, you took in your surroundings, noticing several photographs of what you assumed to be a younger Scaramouche, he was smiling in just about all of them, but there were hardly any of him and Ei. You held your tongue, not wanting to pry about his family life just yet.

The three of you sat down at the dinner table, the place being chock-full of a variety of dishes. Though a tense atmosphere surrounding the room nonetheless, most notably between Scaramouche and his own mother.

God, this was gonna be a long night...

Quickly sneaking your phone back into your pocket, you decided to take Lynette's advice and promptly decide to strike up a conversation on your own accord.

"The food is really good Miss Ei, are these your own recipes?"

The woman chuckled as she set her spoon down, giving you the same warm-yet still strained nonthesless-smile, as she patted her lips with one of the napkins at her side.

"Oh no! Not at all! I can't cook to save my life dear, Kuni does all the kitchen work."

She said as she gestured to Scaramouche, still referring to him as 'Kunikuzushi' despite you never hearing of the name until now. Yet once more, you still decided not to press about the topic.

"Oh really? Cool..."

You muttered as you glanced over to the quiet boy sitting across from you. Other than a quick short answer to your prior questiong regarding Bluey, he was extremely quiet, seeming to dread every second of this dinner. Upon further observation, he was constantly eyeing the staircase towards the upper floor of their house, clearly looking for any excuse to leave.

And honestly? You wanted just that too.

For what felt like the next few hours, the dining room was only filled with the sound of both of your mothers' chatter and the ever so occasional clinking of forks filled with brief interludes of silence for each respective person to chew their food.

After a while, dinner finally came to an end...or so you thought. Because next thing you knew Miss Ei had pulled out the wine and charcuterie boards, and you knew you would be stuck here for an eternity.

With the only two adults in the vicinity now in the living room, that left you and Scaramouche alone in the dining room. Part of you was waiting for him to finally retreat upstairs, you would probably be a little bit hurt, but it was better than the awkward silence that was currently in action.

But he remained at the table with you, looking awfully intently at the ceiling.

Suddenly, the floor became incredibly captivating to you, so you too, found a new fixation, you'd honestly take anything over the only sentient being in the room with you.

But... you would have to be working on that project together anyways, so maybe getting to know this new guy wouldn't be so bad after all?

So steeling your resolve, you decided to ask the first question that came to your mind.

"So what's the deal with your mom calling you Kunikuzushi? I thought you went by Scaramouche?"

He seemed to flinch at the question, didn't take a genius to tell that you struck a nerve.

In your defense, saying the first question that came to mind didn't necessarily mean said question had to be a good one.

"The first one is my legal name, the latter is just a nickname that Childe gave to me when we were kids. It just stuck, I guess. Plus it's slightly easier for teachers to pronounce."

He answered, still avoiding eye contact with you. Though not in the sense that he was avoiding your gaze because he was shy, more so he was avoiding it because keeping up with something as simple as eye contact was beneath him.

"I didn't know you and Childe were childhood friends."

"I didn't know my relationship with Childe was so interesting to you."

Shit.

He finally met your eyes, the same piercing indigo gaze that always sent chills down your spine. Maybe it was an intimidation tactic of sorts.

"You like him, don't you?"

He asked, though, it was more of a statement than a question. There was an underlying tone of 'you weren't being slick' that practically echoed in the back of your mind.

Your mouth was slightly agape, barely a few hours into properly knowing each other and the conversation was already heading in that direction?

Tonight was going to be a long night indeed...

additional notes:

the scarayn is scarayning chat

i fear I cooked with this chapter 🤭

(or maybe my standards are just low cuz I haven't written a proper written fic in a WHILE)

anyways as y'all know dark mode = scara pov // light mode = yn pov

^^ little refresher once more

and taglist is always open!

𝜗𝜚 SYNOPSIS: you're head over heels in love with childe, and scaramouche is (begrudingly) smitten with his "rival" mona. and, by sheer divine coincidence, you both happen to be the best friends of each other's objects of affection, so you strike a deal with each other. if scaramouche helps you ask out childe, you'll set him up with mona. so with the annual spring formal right around the corner, the two of you vow to be each other's wingmans so you can end your junior year on a high note (and maybe even kick off your senior year with a new relationship!). between, scheming, planning, and researching, you and scaramouche find yourselves developing a new relationship via helping each other out. now the real question is whether this friendship will remain as a pure platonic bond, or blossom into something more?

<PREV ll MASTERLIST ll NEXT>

🎀 - taglist!;

@agaygothicmushroom @035814 @freyao7, @sketcheeee @tsukimara @shyentsmissingink @peachystea @aries-afk @lxkeeeee @sakiimeo @sugxryratz @shutingstar @lalaloveallmydays @bellflower1257 @haruumei @kichiyosh1 @littlemisssatanist @dee-zbignuts @candyescapism @crimxeorcremeexistspeacefully @h3ll0-kitty-4lly @franaby @la-cursii @heusalettle @automaticpatroltragedy, @c4ttheart, @meigalaxy @misswetty @introvertaku02, @daiyunjin @trulyylee @lily-lmao @kazumiku @kunikuzushis-darling @vitanye @livelaughlovekuni @imnotyizhuo @akagi0021 @rook-kisser @mitsuribe @scaraenthusiast1 @chemiru @193i3 @matolka @tamikahoshiko @jayzioxx @samyayaya @dontmindtheevie @v3ntis-lyr3

[ash-whimsicalfanfic]

The reader is a Marines daughter she runs to work every day. Tony asks why she doesn't drive as she should be able to afford a car now. Embarrassed she tells them she has her permit but her father never had time to teach her to drive (a lie). He tells her tobuy a bike to her horror she Embarrasses herself more by letting it slip she doesn't know how to ride one that her father only taught her life saving things not stuff for "fun". Everyone just kind of moves on as she hides her embarrassment well from everyone but Gibbs who sees right through it. Later she asumes everyone left she mumbles to the picture of her father "hey dad do you think a bike or driving lessons are useless now"

You Ain't Alone

Word Count: 1k+

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this up! Hopefully this is okay! I went at a more father/daughter aspect between Gibbs and the reader! I loved this suggestion though!

Your alarm blares loudly, and you jolt awake before letting a heavy breath out. You reach over, silencing the loud alarm as you know you have to get up and get ready. As much as you craved to sleep in, you couldn’t because you had to get to work on time. You got home later last night due to the case you guys got. Gibbs seemed more irritated and was insistent on getting justice for these female petty officers who have fallen victim. 

You get up and quickly get dressed in black yoga pants and a cropped long sleeve white shirt that is almost like spandex. You put your hair up into a ponytail before stuffing your outfit for the rest of the day into the backpack you bring to and from work. 

You lock up your house before you begin your normal run to work. It was pretty therapeutic although you do wish you could just drive to work in the mornings. It meant you could leave your house later for work which would be nice. 

You reach the familiar Navy building and slow down until you're walking. You get in the building and curse quietly after realizing that you had gotten here about ten minutes later than normal. Gibbs holds the elevator for you, your entire team must have gotten here at the same time.

“Y/N, why don’t you just drive to work instead of run? Surely you have the money to afford a car now.” Tony asks and your cheeks flush red.

“I-erm, well I-I only have my permit. My dad never had time to teach me to drive.” You stutter out, your face growing even more hot in embarrassment. 

“Why doesn’t your dad have time to teach you to drive?” He asks, confused.

“Oh…my dad…he wa–he is a Marine. My entire life…he’s been mostly overseas. It’s been me and my aunt and even she wasn’t there a lot because she was a doctor.” You explain quietly.

You were mortified and you just wanted this elevator ride to end, but it seemed like it wasn’t ever going to end. 

“So, buy a bike.” Tony says.

“I don’t know how to ride a bike.” You say before you squeeze your eyes shut and sigh.

You heard the familiar headslap as Tony whines, asking Gibbs why he got smacked and you were the first off the elevator, rushing to the restrooms where you go to a stall and start to change. You let a puff of air out and shake your head as you pull the black dress pants up before buttoning the white blouse. You pull on your boots and tie them before walking out of the stall with your bag. You fix your ponytail before spritzing yourself in perfume. 

“God, you just had to embarrass yourself.” You grumble, grabbing your face and shaking your head. 

You were eager to start working, thankfully they all had disregarded the elevator which was nice. The day passed slowly and you were sitting at your desk even after everyone had gone home. The entire day the elevator conversation seemed to haunt you. 

You look at a picture of your father and you frown. He wasn’t around much in your life and when he was, you were to refer to him as “sir” and he would give you life saving lessons, never anything fun in life. You begged and begged for him to teach you to drive, but he said no. He thought that was a fun thing, not something you’d need later in life. 

Gibbs stood on the second level, watching you. He could tell that you were embarrassed all day. You tried to hide it from the rest of the team, but he could see right through you. He quietly makes his way behind the bullpen and you sigh. 

“Hey dad, do you think bike or driving lessons are useless now?” You mumble as you grab the picture of him. 

He frowns, watching you. He casually rounds into the bullpen, hearing your startled gasp. He goes to his desk and works on some files before abruptly looking up. 

“Y/L/N?” He asks. 

“Yes?” You ask softly. 

“How tired are you?” He asks. 

“Not tired at all actually.” You say confused. 

“Didn’t you say you have a permit?” He asks. 

“Erm, yes.” You murmur, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“Alright, come on. I’m going to teach you to drive.” He says, grabbing his coat.

Your lips part in surprise and he sends you a grin, walking towards the elevator. You eagerly get up, following him to the elevator as excitement fills you.

You couldn’t believe it…you were officially a licensed driver. You had yourself a car and here you were, sitting in it in the NAVY yard parking lot. This was real. 

You knew you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Gibbs. He has taught you several things in the past few weeks like, driving, riding a bike, fishing, how to cook the best steaks, and how to build a boat. This man has been more of a father to you than your own. The bond you have with Gibbs has tripled these past few weeks. On top of that, you always feel a little emotional thinking back on these past few weeks. He didn’t have to help you, yet he did. 

“I saw your new ride.” Tony says as you step in the elevator and you blush.

“I’m officially a licensed driver.” You say excitedly.

“That’s good!” He says with a grin. 

You walk off the elevator together, heading towards the bullpen and Gibbs looks up at you.

“How’d the driver’s test go?” He asks.

“I passed…got my license and I might’ve finally got myself a car with what I saved up. Look!” You exclaim excitedly, showing him your license and he grins.

“Good job, Y/N/N.” He praises and you smile softly.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Gibbs. Thank you so much.” You say.

“Y/N/N, you ain’t alone. We are a family. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for something. My door is always open.” He says, softly smiling at you.

“Literally.” Tony laughs and both of you roll your eyes before you hear a headslap.

You turn back and see Ziva laughing as Tony glares at her. You look back at Gibbs, not before seeing Tim hunched over laughing as Tony tried to make a defense against Ziva. Gibbs had a big grin on his face and you smile, this was your family.

[blogurlnotfound]

Drumming - Doctor Who x Reader

hiii this is my first fic in about 4 years probably :) this is obviously a new account, so yeah that's why there's nothing else here. um anyways, i definitely got incredibly carried away with this, did not have an idea going into it (still think it ended up great), 12 is probably out of character, and i somehow wrote it in under 3 hours??

anyway, I hope it's enjoyable! and please let me know your thoughts :)

12th Doctor x Reader

(really student/professor but can be romantic or platonic, whatever vibes you catch.)

Word Count: 2,600+

Summary: You have been hearing a drumming in your head. One, two, three, four. It's been affecting your mental state, and you haven't been to class in a while. Maybe your professor, The Doctor, is able to help figure this out?

Warnings: mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts. any gender reader, but makeup mentioned.

A drumming had been haunting you for months as you slept.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

It would sound non-stop until you couldn't bear it any longer, and woke up. Every time you would wake up the same: in a cold sweat, panting, with tear streaks running down your face.

Each day the drumming's effect on you grew. It was affecting your mental state immensely. You felt a deep pain and sadness hanging over you like a cloud most days. You wouldn't be able to get out of bed, much less go to classes. You weren't hungry often, and couldn't eat when you were. You avoided your friends and your schoolwork, occasionally texting your parents to keep them from worrying.

You weren't sure if your professors noticed your absences. They hadn't reached out to you in any way. It's not like they'd notice you in the sea of students. They must see hundreds a day anyways.

It's not like anybody would notice you anyway. At least that's what the drumming would whisper to you.

One, two, three, four.

You keep to yourself. Don't have any close friends in your classes, and not many close friends at school in general. Nobody really knew who you were. Your favorite color. Childhood pets. How long it takes you to sleep. How often you're awoken by the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

Nobody would notice if you're gone.

One, two, three, four.

They don't even notice when you're there.

One, two, three, four.

-+-

You wake up. In a cold sweat. Panting. You reach both your hands to your face and rub your palms on your cheeks. Tears were cleared from your face and now sat on your hands. You sit up and release a heavy sigh. It's like the sigh has been waiting to escape all night. Like your body was relieved to be released from the nightmare drumming.

You decide to get out of bed, an easier decision than previous day's had been. You stretch your limbs and yawn. You walk to the bathroom and face your reflection. Today was going to be okay.

Or will it be.

One, two, three, four.

"It will be. Today will be okay." You affirmed to yourself in the mirror. You let out another sigh, smiled at yourself softly, and began your morning routine.

You do your make-up while watching a video. You found that taking the time to do your make-up gave you time to relax, breathe, and be yourself. You felt better about your days when you take this extra time to yourself in the morning. So, whenever you manage to get out of bed, you try to manage doing make-up too.

The video you watched was just of some guy unnecessarily analyzing a TV show you liked. He went into extreme detail about small details from the show and created theories about why certain things happened and what might happen next. You enjoyed his content. He reminded you of one of your professors.

He was a very kind old man who you can tell cares deeply about everything he talks about. He has a Scottish accent that somehow grows stronger with excitement. He's enthusiastic and rambles, and never really has a set course of taking points. He just lets his mind and his heart lead him. Saying whatever he finds most awestrucking and veering off topic drastically. In fact, you weren't really sure what the class was meant to be about.

The course description when signing up simply said, "Discussion-based class, humanities topics." The syllabus was no extra help, practically said the same thing with all the extra school required information listed. But it fulfilled your humanities credit, and the first day was interesting enough, so you stayed in the class.

Thinking about the professor, The Doctor, just The Doctor, made you want to go to his class. You checked the time on your phone. It did start in a little over two hours. You finished getting ready and then waited.

You waited maybe fifteen minutes before getting bored. You quickly put your bag together and walked out your door, then your building, into the outside would. It had been at least thirty-two hours since you were last outside. The air felt cool against your skin, reviving your senses and making you softly smile to yourself. You could hear the wind rustle the branches of nearby trees that swayed. Somehow, these trees looked the same as ever, and more beautiful than ever.

You turn around in a full circle and take in the Earth around you. She really is beautiful. You don't sit with her enough.

With new energy in your body, the dark cloud caused by the drumming smaller than ever, you walk around your campus mindlessly. Every step you take grounds you to the Earth, reminding you that the drumming can't be real.

One, two, three, four.

It isn't real.

-+-

You take a seat in the auditorium where The Doctor's class is held. You gently place your bag on the floor next to you and wait as the seats pile up. Five minutes later the room is almost full, and the tall man with short grey hair walks in, greeting the class with a Scottish, "Hello!" as he places his bag down and immediately starts writing on the chalkboard.

"Music." is written on the board. He swiftly turns around on his heel. He stops and makes direct eye contact with you. He stares for a moment, a twinkle in his eye. He diverts his attention from you and begins speaking,

"So," he clasps his hands, "who wants to tell me the importance of music to humanity?"

Hands shoot up all around you. You had been missing a fun class.

-+-

The class ends and you have a beaming smile on your face. You hadn't realized truly how fun and entrancing The Doctor was. Every student was hooked on his every word, waiting for what insane piece of information would come flying out of his mouth next. Every student including you.

The class was packing their bags and leaving around you. You heard groups starting to chat. Friends laughing loudly.

You don't have friends like that here. Your smile falls.

One, two, three, four.

A tap on the wooden desk in front of you wakes you from your thoughts, a Scottish voice accompanying it, "Are you okay, y/n? I noticed you haven't been to class in a while."

You looked up at The Doctor, no doubt admiration for him and sadness from your thoughts filling your eyes. He could read your eyes. He could read the pain and the sadness. He's felt it before.

"You noticed?" You stifled out.

"Of course I noticed." His face softened, "All of my students are important to me."

"But there's so many of us?"

"So?"

You didn't have a response to that. You suppose he was right. You just looked down at your bag, grabbed it, and started to stand up.

"Would you like to come into my office?"

You looked at him, confused and shocked.

"Just for lunch and to discuss whatever is going on. If you'd like." You look at him, still confused. Your head cocks slightly to one side, and your mouth begins to open, but The Doctor beats you to it, "I lost a student not too long ago. Her name was Bill. Bill Potts. I miss her a lot, you see, she was more than just my student. She was also my friend. She made me better. I can see her in you, and I would hate to... " He pauses, "I'm just worried about how many classes you've missed. You may not be able to pass my course."

You're really confused now. The gears are turning in your head, processing his confession of loss turned into you not passing the class. The Doctor can see the gears turning on your face, in the way your eyebrows scrunch intensely and your pupils move back and forth. You close your eyes, relax your face, and look at him with a smile.

"I would like to go to your office, yeah. Thank you." Your eyes are sincere, and when you meet his, so are they.

You follow him a short ways through campus to his office. His steps and your steps opposite. Like the drumming.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

You try to ignore it. You try really hard but can't. You stop walking, and the drumming stops. You sigh in relief, The Doctor looks back at you with concern.

"Sorry," you say, catching up to him with a smile, "I thought I saw something."

"Like what?" He asks, curiosity filling his face.

"Oh, nothing." You weren't expecting him to ask. You didn't know what to say.

He hums in response, picking up pace until you're at his office. It's a huge room with a desk in the middle, you take a seat on one side of it while The Doctor sits opposite. He has many picture frames on his desk, and a mysterious blue police box in the corner you can't take your eyes off.

One, two, three, four.

"What's that?" you ask, pointing at the box before you can help yourself.

"A police box. It's from London in the 60's. I'm a bit of a collector of sorts."

He had this lie down pat. But you could tell he wasn't being truthful, you didn't know how, but you knew. You didn't press on about the box. You just nodded and smiled, "That's cool."

He nodded too. "Let's talk about why you've been missing class. Is everything okay back home? Anything I can do to help?"

One, two, three, four.

Something compelled you to be honest with him. Again, you didn't know what. He felt familiar. Of course you've known him the whole semester, but it felt more than that. You feel safe. You feel seen. You feel known. You knew when he lied to you just a second ago, but why?

One, two, three, four.

"Can I be honest?" you make eye contact with him, "Like, you won't lock me up in the looney bin for being crazy?" He's about to say something but you interrupt him, "And won't get me kicked out of the school or, or, I don't know, send me off to get government testing?"

He's confused now. But curious too. You can tell he's interested in what you're saying, he wants to know more. It doesn't feel like he's going to judge you. "Yes, you can be honest. You can trust me."

"Promise?" You hold out your pinky. Sure it's silly, but silly makes it more meaningful, more powerful, somehow.

He chuckles and interlocks your pinkies, "Promise."

"Okay." You stop to think.

One, two, three, four.

"So I have this noise in my head."

One, two, three, four.

"It's like drumming. One, two, three, four."

One, two, three, four.

The Doctor stiffens. "And it won't stop, Doctor." you continue. "And it's like it's affecting my thoughts. They're all negative and I'm depressed and it hurts. It really hurts, Doctor." Tears are streaming down your face. You weren't even aware talking about this would make you cry. And you didn't know why you told The Doctor about it.

After a moment of thinking, The Doctor moves from his chair and towards you. His movements are stiff. As if he's nervous. He knows something you don't. He leans down and wraps his arms around you, your head at his chest. You cry harder, and he pulls you closer in comfort.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming was louder than ever. In your head and in your ears. It's not scary anymore though. You move your head away from The Doctor to release you from the hug. The drumming stops. You reach out to his chest without asking, without thinking.

On your hand you feel two heartbeats.

One, two, three, four.

You put your other hand to your own heart. Only one heartbeat. One, two.

Why did he have two heartbeats. One, two, three, four. Why was his the drumming.

"Why-" you start, but need to close your eyes and breathe, "Why does your heart sound like the drumming. Why do you have two heartbeats?"

"Follow me." He walked to the blue police box, opened the door and went inside. You sat there for a moment stunned. Then you cleared your face from your tears and got up. You made your way towards the box, looking at the door before walking inside.

You looked around in amazement. You couldn't believe what you were seeing. Your face broke out into a huge grin. You ran outside and back inside. "This defies all laws of physics! How is it-? It's?" You looked at him expectantly.

"C'mon, I know you want to say it." He had an equally bright, shit-eating grin.

"It's bigger on the inside!"

He laughed with his whole chest and body. His laugh was contagious.

"This," he gestures around the room, "is my T.A.R.D.I.S. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. And I'm a Time-Lord from the planet Gallifrey. We have two hearts, hence the two heartbeats."

You look at him; confusion, amazement, admiration and more displayed on your face.

"Now I don't know why you're hearing my species' heartbeats in your head, but I'm going to figure it out." He looks at you and smiles, you can't help but smile back, "If you want to come with me?"

"With you where?" you ask.

"Anywhere! In the whole wide universe. Not really sure where to start to help you though. Or when for that matter?"

You've never been so confused so many times in the span of one day. "But I have other classes? And don't you too?" Something clicks in your brain, "And what about my parents? And I barely know you! No offense, Doctor. I can't go traveling with someone I don't know."

"If anyone can help you, y/n, it's me. There might not be anyone else in the whole universe." You look at him, desperate now after hearing his words. "And as for your other classes and your family- TARDIS, t," he said, dragging out the sound, "stands for time. She's a time machine. Can take you right back to this moment." He smiled confidently, and made his way towards the center of the room where some sort of console was. He puts his hands on a lever, and looks at you again.

"What?" You asked, awestruck.

"Let me show you." Mischief flashes across his face, but you can tell it's more childlike than malicious. Which is odd for a man who is likely in his sixties.

A whirring sound comes from the center. The door slams shut and the lights start fluctuating. You find it hard to steady yourself as the floor becomes unstable.

"Grab onto something!" The Doctor yells. You do, a railing a few feet away. You grab on tight and try to stand up right. The Doctor is laughing with joy.

One, two, three, four.

The drumming in your head is drowned out by the TARDIS whirring. The whirring sound would soon become a new comfort. And the TARDIS a new home. And The Doctor, he would soon become the most special and fantastic person in your life.

You knew today was going to be a good day. And there are thousands more to come. Thousands more with The Doctor.

He was going to stop the drumming in your head, no matter what he had to do.

[slaymitchabernathy]

Golden Boy

| “Oh, golden boy, don't act like you were kind, you were mine, but you were awful every time. So don't tell them what you told me, don't hold me like you know me. I would rather burn forever, but you should know that I died slow. Running through the halls of your haunted home, and the toughest part is that we both know what to happened to you, why you're out on your own. Merry Christmas, please don't call.” |

Coriolanus Snow is haunted by the past, present, and future.

Much like a well-known Christmas tale, he is constantly visited by ghosts who remind him of what once was, and more painfully, what could have been.

He walks through the massive halls of the President’s Mansion, echos of laughter and happiness bounce off the walls, slapping him in the face, mocking and taunting him.

He’s learned to avoid it for the most part, to forget and refuse to acknowledge what happened but the holidays bring out a more vulnerable side of him.

She always loved the holidays.

Always loved the twinkling lights and the music that came with decorating a pine tree. She was always so sweet, spreading joy wherever she went like fresh snowfall on a winter night.

She brought a certain light into his dark life and now the winds of time have permanently blown out her candle.

Not even the strongest light can outstand the bitter winds that come with a man like Coriolanus Snow.

He pauses by one of the large windows overlooking the grounds. A white blanket of snow has covered everything in sight aside from the greenhouse, a safe haven for his precious roses. He feels bile rising up in his throat when he sets his sights on the greenhouse, remembering what happened in there so many years ago.

He turns, forcing himself to look away and that’s when he sees her.

Her ghost.

Dressed in a simple white silk nightgown, like the ones she was so fond of, with her hair falling down her shoulders, she looks so kind, and yet, she flickers.

He swallows, for so long he’s avoided this, avoided her. Coriolanus didn’t believe in ghosts until his wife died and then she began to haunt him. She’s a quiet thing though, never making a mess, never bothering him.

For the longest time, he brushed it off, told himself that it was the lights playing tricks on him. He took pills, spoke to doctors, yet she persisted.

He takes a cautious step towards her, not trusting himself to be in her presence again, not after what happened last time, that night.

She glows so beautifully in the moonlight.

“Soarynn,” he breathes, nearly choking on his guilt and grief.

Even in death, she’s kind. So when he crumples to the ground, he feels her soft touch, her deft fingers rubbing his scalp like she did so often when she was alive. She hums his favorite song while he lies there, head in her lap, feeling sorry for himself and everything he ever did to her.

“Coryo,” she says softly, “Coryo, look at me.”

He’s scared. Scared to see what she’ll look like, how she’ll look at him. Will she be angry?

He slowly lifts his head, prepared to look into her stormy blue eyes one last time but they’re gray, like the rest of her. Gray and gone.

He notices the cuts on her face, her arms, from the rose bushes she fell into all those years ago. It seems that not even death or time can heal all wounds.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, choking on his guilt, “I’m so sorry.”

Soarynn smiles, he’s forgotten how beautiful she is when she smiles. “My golden boy,” she hums, resting a hand on his cheek and he leans into the touch, telling himself that he must remember this touch for the rest of his miserable life.

“What’re you sorry for Coryo? What could you have possibly done?”

She’s being cruel to be kind.

But he’s never been kind. That was always her thing.

“I killed you,” he gasps, tears burning in his eyes, “I was…I was too late, too cruel to you. You, you didn’t deserve any of that.”

Soarynn uses her other hand to hold his chin, lifting his head up so he doesn’t drop it in shame, “You were never kind,” she tells him, “you were mine and you were awful every time.”

Coriolanus nods, sniffling but Soarynn is all too familiar with tears, “I know,” he mumbles, “I know and I’m sorry for how things ended. I never meant to let you get that bad.”

“I died slow,” she says and she’s looking out the window now, letting the moonlight shine right through her translucent figure, “I died alone. I thought you’d come for me but you didn’t. Why didn’t you come for me?”

His hands shake as he grabs at her nightgown, it feels so soft, so smooth like her skin. How long has it been since he’s felt her soft skin?

“I couldn’t,” he gets out, “couldn’t follow you or stop you. It was too late and, and you’d already made up your mind.”

Soarynn drops her gaze, they both hurt each other but they both know that he was the worst. She was the best of him. “I’d do it again,” she tells him, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his cheek, “I couldn’t live in this house anymore.”

He makes a desperate grab for her face, crying out when his fingers go right through her and at the pained look she gives him. “It doesn’t work that way Coryo,” she explains, “it doesn’t always work the way you want it to.”

But he’s so past caring by now. He sobs, his entire body shakes from how hard he’s crying. He misses her. Misses their showers together. Misses eating in the dining room together.

He’s pushed everyone away and has no one to blame but himself for what he’s done.

“I want you to come back,” he gasps, “come back to me and we can be together again.”

“I never left.”

She’s right. She’s never left this house although he can imagine how terrible it must be for her. To choose to stay when she has a better life on the other side.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Soarynn.”

“I know Coryo.”

“I’m so lonely.”

“I know Coryo.”

“I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I have to. You know that.”

Coriolanus shakes his head, determined to make her stay and he tries to touch her again, crying out when his fingers go through her once more.

“Why can’t I touch you but you can touch me?”

Soarynn purses her lips, “You can only touch me if I want you to. And I don’t want you to.”

He wishes she never came.

He pulls his face away, ignoring how her face falls, “Then we’re done here,” he decides, “no point in haunting me and hurting me for the fun of it. Or is this who you’ve become Soarynn? Someone who haunts my hallways to drive me mad while I’m all alone?”

He stands up, shaky with his footing but he finds it, stumbling away from her ghost.

“We both know why you’re on your own.”

He wipes away his tears, he has better things to do with his time than to be talking to ghosts of little girls who can’t seem to move on from the past.

He’s sorry, he is, but he can’t go back and change things no matter how much he wants to.

Coriolanus wants to look back at her flickering image but he doesn’t. He won’t give her the satisfaction.

“Merry Christmas Soarynn,” he calls from over his shoulder, “please don’t come back.”

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

| taglist: @strawberriicakes @wonderlandbound111 @kickmybark @thevoicesinmyprettylittlehead @melodyoflovee @erensrealgf @recreationalhazard-blog |

[mrszayne-and-sylus]

midnight patient

summary: Sylus shows up to Zayne's home in the middle of the night needing medical attention. She wakes up but pretends to be asleep to watch the men interract.

Soft sheets, clean and smelling of fresh cotton, tempted her to remain in the space between sleep and consciousness. Dreams of snow glistening in the moonlight and ribbons of red called to her but as she rolled over to further bury herself into the pillows she realized what had awoken her: soft knocking at the front door. Blinking her eyes open, she noted a light on in the living room and heard the muffled footsteps of someone making their way to the door and opening it.

“You told me it was just a few scratches,” came Zayne’s voice, even but tinged with slight concern.

“It is. Some of them just happen to be in the shape of bullet holes,” answered another voice, deep and rich and definitely not supposed to be in Zayne’s apartment in the middle of the night.

The front door closed and her mind raced. Sylus? Here? And what is this talk about scratches and bullet holes?

She started to get out of bed but then Zayne’s voice sounded closer and she quickly threw the covers back over herself. “This would be easier with all my equipment at the hospital.”

“And here I thought Linkon’s foremost doctor could handle a few…scratches on his own.”

As the door to the bedroom opened further, she closed her eyes. The whole scene piqued her curiosity and she wanted to see how it played out. From behind her eyelids she saw shadows move past the doorway.

“She’s still sleeping, please keep your voice down. This way.”

The door to the adjoining bathroom opened and the light flicked on.

“You don’t have anywhere else to do this,” Sylus asked, his voice lazy and bored as always but slightly strained. She recognized that tone of his, the one he used to try to cover up how serious the situation was. “Have you ever dealt with her after she’s been woken up?”

Zayne breathed out in annoyance and then several sounds happened in succession: from what she could surmise the medicine cabinet opened and someone pulled bottles and packages out. With both of them supposedly preoccupied, she opened an eye just barely to see what was going on.

From her vantage point she caught glimpses of Zayne shuffling around the bathroom and Sylus watching him from the doorway, leaning against the frame with an arm wrapped around his middle. Blood dripped from his shoulder down his arm.

Worry inched its way up her spine as she tried making sense of it all: Sylus, injured and in Zayne’s home. Zayne, gathering medical supplies and slipping into Doctor Mode. Both of them speaking with familiarity. How did they know each other? And for how long? Why was Sylus hurt?

“If you wouldn’t mind, please step into the light so that I can better see and so that your blood doesn’t stain my carpet.”

As Sylus walked in he asked, “do you really not have another bathroom? Some doctor’s salary you must have, only enough for a one bed one bath.”

“She seems plenty happy with what my home offers. Sit.”

After a moment Zayne’s quiet voice spoke up again. “I’ll need you to remove your shirt.”

“Not even taking me to dinner first? Although from what she’s said of you, I know how fond you are of going straight for the dessert.”

“If you want to go to dinner with me you’ll have to dress nicer, this shirt is in shameful condition.”

“Careful, doc, this shirt costs more than your rent.”

“You seem entirely too concerned with where I live, how about we focus on making sure you stay alive long enough to return to whatever gothic mansion you most surely haunt?”

Sylus’s laughter, low and smooth, drifted through the doorway and settled her mounting nerves. If he was laughing, surely the injuries weren’t that terrible? And Zayne was taking care of him, that made everything better. She continued listening, their voices falling silent for a few minutes as Zayne started examining and cleaning the wounds. The slow, methodical way Zayne worked, his fingers and movements gentle yet efficient, started lulling her back to sleep. She tried fighting the temptation, but the safety of Zayne’s bed and knowing that both of them were okay made for convincing arguments to give in.

Just as she felt herself slipping, Sylus made another comment. “I can see why she keeps you around, you could actually make a career out of this.”

To her surprise, she heard Zayne chuckle. “I suppose one of us should have an actual career and you don’t seem to be making any advances in that regard.”

“And here I thought owning several establishments and hosting multiple high-profile auctions would constitute a worthy career.”

“And to keep my plausible deniability I will not question the legality of any of those ventures,” came Zayne’s quick response as he started stitching one of the wounds.

“If you’re worried about operating within the bounds of the law, doc, you might not want to continue patching up strangers that show up on your doorstep in the middle of the night.”

Strangers?

As if hearing her thought, Zayne responded, “we’re hardly strangers anymore, though I would request a little more forethought before your visits in the future.”

“Ha, next time I’ll alert the people shooting at me that my doctor requests I take less bullets.”

Silence again. She could see Zayne finishing up a few stitches and then carefully turning Sylus’s arm towards the light, examining his work and nodding to himself. As he started cleaning his supplies Sylus spoke up.

“You won’t tell her…?”

Zayne paused then turned to Sylus. “Doctor-patient confidentiality, there’s nothing to tell.” He resumed clearing the sink down, the sound of running water slightly muffling his voice. “Besides…she would say…”

Sylus responded but she couldn’t be sure what exactly he said, the rushing of the sink completely concealing his words. She tried leaning closer to the edge of the bed in hopes of picking up the threads of conversation but as she moved one of the pillows fell to the floor. She quickly shut her eyes and tried to steady her breathing to keep up the pretense of sleep.

The sink cut off and she heard both of them enter the bedroom. She could feel their eyes on her, assessing just how asleep she was.

“I’ll see myself out,” Sylus whispered after a moment.

“No, I’ll walk with you. I have some antibiotics in my bag on the couch to send with you.”

Their voices trailed off as they made their way into the living room. They were quiet, the rattling of a pill bottle filling the silence and then the sound of the front door opening.

“I suppose you’ll be wanting payment for services rendered,” Sylus asked, sounding more like himself.

“What services? You were never here.”

Sylus laughed softly. “Of course, we are strangers after all.” A beat of silence. “Let her sleep in tomorrow, work has been hard for her.”

“I know, I have no plans of waking her.”

A moment later she heard Sylus step outside and then the door closed. After locking up, Zayne spent a few minutes tidying up around the rooms, making sure that no traces of the midnight guest were left. Once he finished and all the lights were off, she felt him slip into the bed next to her and under the covers.

The last thing she felt before sleep finally took her was the warmth of Zayne pressing himself against her back and wrapping an arm around her. Thoughts ran through her mind at a speed of a million miles per second, but the sound of Zayne’s easy breathing in her ear and the knowledge that Sylus was okay calmed her enough for the night.

She’ll begin investigating her questions in the morning.

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Remember You and Me Part 7/8

Ruben done f*cked up, is all I can say. 😮‍💨😮‍💨

Summary - After a traffic accident reader is left with no memory of her life with Ruben, who desperately tries to get her to remember him.

Enjoy!

"Maybe it's better if she comes and stays with us?"

The headaches and memory shocks, not even the doctors had predicted how it would affect you. Your parents came to visit you while you were in the hospital. They were convinced that you should go back to live with them in the Netherlands.

"What do you say Ruben?" They asked.

He looked pale, grey bags visible underneath his eyes. You had been hospitalized for the past week. Ruben had been staying with you every night, leaving for training in the early morning and returning to you late in the evening.

"It's her choice." He mumbled.

Your parents turned to look at you, cradled in your hospital bed. "What do you say honey? Kom met ons mee? (Come with us?).

You were staring blankly into space, like you had been for the past week. It wasn't the memories that haunted you. It was the sense of loss. You had lost somthing that you never even remember having. But one thing was clear to you, somthing wasn't adding up. Someone wasn't telling you the truth, weather it was Ruben, your parents or Rachel. For all you knew all of them were keeping things from you, things like what actually happned to you on the day of your accident.

"I want to go home." You said, your dry lips parting slowly, the words barely making it out of your mouth.

"Home?" Your father questioned. "With us?"

You looked to Ruben. He looked on the verge of somthing, tears, collapsing, verbal confliction? It was hard to tell. Your gaze shifted back to your partners. "Yes." You nodded. "With you. I want to go home with you. "

Ruben bowed his head in defeated, in a way, accepting your choice.

"Okay honey, we'll get the doctors to sign you out."

Your parents left the room, leaving you and Ruben to an endless silence. He approached your bed, at first a bit hesitant to touch you. He then grabbed your hand and pulled up a chair to sit next to you. Your fingers rolled in the palm of his hand. He examined them, taking turns to press each one of them to his warm lips. You watched him. That was all. You just watched him with the sense of loss still devouring you from the inside out.

"Tell me...." Ruben said, gently putting your hand down. He raised his head to hold your gaze. He was unrecognizable, fatigue covering his face like a mask.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what you remembered." He asked.

You watched him, his eyes read your soul like an open book.

"You remembered her, didn't you?" Ruben restrained his lips from quivering. "You remembered our baby girl."

You closed your eyes, tears escaping you lids. "I remember her, but I don't remember her. How is that Ruben?"

He shook his head. "I....I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know how to..."

"So you chose to lie to me?"

"Forgive me, Y/N. But I almost lost the both of you that day. I just couldn't..."

"Tell me." You pleaded. "Tell me what happened."

He shook his head, low sniffles leaving his mouth. "I can't,  I can't go back to that night."

"You must."

Ruben looked down, watching your hand in his, however he was inconsolable, refusing to talk, refusing to tell you the truth.

"Then it's decided."

You let him go, creating distance between you.

"Y/N, please."

"I've tried so hard to remember Ruben. So fucking hard. And all this time you have been the one wanting me to forget."

"Y/N, I never..."

"Don't touch me!"

You drew your hand back.

"Y/N?

It was too late. You withdrew to lay in a cradled position, your eyes staring blankly into space. You felt nothing. All that was left was the loss and the pain.

Tags list:

@christianpulisic10

@urmotheris

@magicalfundragon

[unabashegirl]

Vicious 6 || Harry Styles x Mafia

Summary: Harry Styles, the cold and calculating son of a powerful mafia don, must consolidate power after his father's passing. He faces challenges from his unpredictable younger brother, Silas, and navigates a complex world of alliances, ruthless decisions, and family loyalty. Amidst the intrigue, the elegant and alluring Y/N Castellano, the daughter of an Italian mafia boss, attends the funeral and finds herself drawn to Harry. As power dynamics shift and the future remains uncertain, the story explores the dark and dangerous allure of the mafia, the weight of family legacies, and the potential for unexpected connections in a world defined by secrecy and ruthlessness.

Author's note: here is a new chapter of vicious. let me know what you think and if you would like to get tagged!

— vicious masterlist —

Word count: 1.8K

Exhaustion gripped Y/N as she continued to run, her breaths coming in ragged gasps. The fear of capture propelled her forward, the urgency echoing in her heartbeat. The crunch of fallen leaves beneath her shoes added a surreal soundtrack to her escape, while the chilling autumn air hinted at the approaching night.

Desperation compelled her to glance over her shoulder, seeking reassurance that she had eluded pursuit. As the woods seemed to grow quieter, Y/N cautiously slowed her pace, hoping the pursuit had ceased. In a moment of respite, she retrieved her phone, intending to contact Giana for guidance. The realization of no signal sent a wave of frustration through her, quickly overshadowed by the distant barking of dogs and the flickering glow of flashlights. They were closing in.

With dread seizing her, Y/N sprinted once more. The haunting echoes of the pursuing dogs and distant voices added to her terror. Tears welled in her eyes as she ran, the urgency intensified by the proximity of the search party. Then, with a sudden and violent lurch, one of the dogs sank its teeth into her ankle, sending Y/N crashing to the ground, the pain radiating through her like a lightning bolt.

Y/N's cries of pain resonated through the woods as she clutched her injured ankle, tears streaming down her face. The loyal dog, sensing her distress, barked incessantly, calling the attention of the approaching men. As they swiftly gathered around, her heart sank at the sight of her soon-to-be husband.

"Boss," she heard, looking up to find Harry leaning over her with an unreadable expression. His command to bring her back echoed in her ears as he turned away, retracing his steps toward the house. Y/N winced, realizing the extent of her mistake.

Harry seethed with anger. He had been summoned from his office by Charlie, only to discover Y/N's disappearance. What could have been a chance to mend their earlier interaction now seemed lost. His thoughts darkened as he contemplated the corrective measures he would take.

"Where, boss?" Charles inquired as he lifted Y/N's body, ready to transport her back to the house.

"In her room," Harry ordered, then turned to Lex. "Get the medic to her room." The gravity of his impending actions hung heavily in the air.

As Charlie gently laid Y/N on the bed, she couldn't help but voice her questions, her eyes still red from crying. Her soaked sock bore witness to the dog's bite, a painful reminder of her ill-fated escape. "What are you going to do to me?" she asked, and the room filled with tension. “Why would. you let your dog bite me?”

Harry, standing at the foot of her bed, didn't mince words. "Someone needed to take you down. Either the dogs or one of my men with a bullet," he explained, watching her grimace in pain. "Where were you going?"

Y/N retorted with defiance, "That’s none of your business," just as the doctor entered the room. "Boss," the doctor acknowledged Harry with a nod before turning his attention to Y/N. "May I?" Harry gave a quick nod, permitting the examination.

The doctor efficiently assessed the wound, offering a glimpse of relief. "It’s not that deep. We’ll just need to clean it and pack it and give her some antibiotics and painkillers."

"Do it," Harry commanded, "let me know when you are done," before leaving the room in search of a drink.

Left alone with the doctor, Y/N saw an opportunity. Whispering her plea, she hoped to find an ally. "Please help me." She dared to suggest an escape, but the doctor merely chuckled, dismissing the notion. "What is everyone so afraid of?" she asked, her eyes searching for understanding.

“You know this could be way worse. You are lucky,” the man said as he applied antibiotics to the wound, hoping to prevent any infection from the dog’s saliva. “Most people that escape don’t have your same fate. They are usually diseased by the time I get there.”

That didn’t make her feel any better. Y/N was shaken. She had seen him almost kill her brother, who shared blood and parents with him. She barely knew him, and she was just an obstacle in his life, a means to rise to power and live the life he had always dreamed of.

“Thank you,” she said, feeling immediate relief as he dressed her wound.

“I am going to administer the antibiotics by IV. Let me see your arm.”

“Can you just get a pill?” She was scared to get drugged. Perhaps she was just being paranoid, but she couldn’t help thinking that the doctor was going to drug her from keep her from escaping, obeying Harry.

“I don’t trust you to take them,” he truthfully said as he changed his gloves and prepared everything to find a vein and canalize it. Y/N hesitantly stretched out her arm. He tied the tourniquet, cleaned the area, punctured her. “You might have an upset stomach. I suggest you have dinner.”

“I am not hungry.” The doctor didn’t respond; he was used to it. He had seen and taken care of many things within the walls of the house. He didn’t feel sorry for her. Harry had given her a room and hadn’t dragged her downstairs, which meant he cared for her in a way. The dogs would usually tear people into pieces when found.

“Right. I’ll be back tomorrow to administer your meds and change the dressing,” he informed her as he hung the bag and adjusted the drip. “Liquids, food, and rest.”

“What’s your name?” Y/N asked as he finished packing everything that he had taken out and threw away everything else.

“Cameron,” he said before leaving the room, leaving the door wide open.

Y/N looked around, searching for her phone. She looked at the door, wanting to just run out. Unfortunately, having an IV prevented her from escaping. Before she could get up for her bag and search for her phone, Harry walked in. He made sure to close the door behind him.

A cigarette between his lips and a glass of scotch on the rocks. He had discarded her blazer. His hair was messier from running his hands through it. He wanted to drag her downstairs, chain her to a chair, and have his way with her. He wanted her to regret ever leaving but hurting her would only cause issues with the Italians.

He just knew that he needed to punish her.

“Where were you going?” Harry asked again as he opened the window, the same one she had escaped through. He lit up his cigarette and sat down on the small futon by it. She didn’t say anything. “Are you deaf?”

“I already said it was none of your fuckin' business.”

"Watch your mouth," he sharply said, pointing at her with the cigarette held between his fingers. "You keep thinking this is all a game. I am very tempted to take you downstairs and punish you the only way I know how to. You are not down there merely because of your father."

“I was doing us both a favor,” she shrugged. “You don’t want me here. You’ve made that very clear.” Y/N hoped that Harry continued to believe her father loved and cared for her. The only reason he hadn’t killed her was the consequences he thought it would bring. However, she was sure her father wouldn’t care if she were dead.

“Where were you going? To your father’s?” Y/N laughed and shook her head.

“I am not telling you.” Y/N didn’t want to get Giana in trouble. She still wasn’t sure how far Harry would go to make a statement. Giana’s husband was just as crazy or worse, and she knew he would do crazy things to Giana.

By not telling him, her silence led Harry's mind to a different place. He couldn't help but think she was escaping for a man.

"A man," he said out loud as he took the last drag out of his cigarette. The room was filled with a heavy silence, broken only by the sound of his exhale. The air was thick with tension as Harry tried to process the implications of her silence. “Don’t play games with me. Don’t ever, ever think you’re capable of that” He warned her as he banged his hands against the feet of the bed as he stared at her.

“You think you can intimidate me?” She giggled, “My father terrorized me my whole life. You are just a rookie in this game”

Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, her injured ankle throbbing with pain. The dim light in the room cast eerie shadows, creating an unsettling atmosphere. Harry extinguished his cigarette, the embers glowing in the darkness as he approached her. His eyes were cold and calculating, and a sinister smile played on his lips.

"What game are you playing, Y/N?" Harry's voice was low, a dangerous edge cutting through the air. He towered over her, making her feel small and vulnerable. "You think you can just run away? Escape? You're mine. You were promised to me and you don't get to decide when this ends."

Y/N swallowed hard, her gaze shifting away from his intense stare.

"This is your home now," he sneered, pacing back and forth like a caged predator. "You belong to me, whether you like it or not. Trying to escape will only make things worse for you.”

“What do you want from me?” Y/N's voice wavered, but she mustered the courage to meet his gaze.

Harry leaned in, his face inches from hers, and the smell of his cologne mixed with a faint hint of smoke surrounded her. "I want your obedience, your loyalty. You'll do what I say without question. And if you think running away will save you, you're mistaken.”

Y/N's heart raced as she felt the weight of his threat. She had seen the brutal side of him, the violence he was capable of, and the thought of being at his mercy terrified her. She clenched her fists, trying to steady herself.

"I won't be a pawn in your twisted game.”

His hand shot out, grabbing her jaw forcefully. "You don't get to talk back to me," he hissed. "Remember your place, or I'll make sure you regret every moment you thought you could defy me.”

With that, Harry released her, leaving Y/N breathless and shaken. As he walked away, she couldn't shake the feeling that the worst was yet to come, and the walls of her gilded cage closed in around her.

chapter 7

[thoscheienjoyer]

So the master has always been a little suicidal let's be real, and 90% of the time he tries to drag the doctor with him: spy telling 13 to blow them both up, ainley telling 7 to fight him on a collapsing planet, ainley snapping and trying to blow up the universe on purpose, Delgado trying to go back and time and risking fucking up him and 3's current life, Missy and Saxon unleashing Cybermen despite themselves etc.

So I wrote a story about koschei also having those thoughts and asking theta to join out of devotion, I assume most of the examples of the master are out of bitterness but with koschei is out of wanting an end to the constant drumming

Theta and Koschei sat on the edge of a cliff overlooking Gallifrey, the twin suns were low, coating the landscape in a golden glow of colors. The Academy loomed in the distance, but here they were free from the pressures and expectations they had. They often escaped to this spot to take in the beauty of their home planet, however, the usual tranquility was gone. Koschei had been unusually restless, his eyes were distant, like he was focused on something else. Theta noticed but didn't want to press his friend too soon, he knew about the drums, the relentless pounding that haunted Koschei’s mind, and had done everything he could to help, but they never fully went away so he assumed maybe this behavior was related.

As the sun dipped lower, casting long shadows over the cliff, Koschei finally spoke, his voice showing no sign of how he felt, it was matter of fact. "You know, if we jumped off this cliff together it would prove what great friends we are, wouldn't it?"

Theta's hearts skipped a beat and he turned to look at Koschei, trying to read the expression on his face. Was this just a morbid joke, or something more? He chose the first for some peace of mind. "Would we hold hands?" he joked uncomfortable, trying to keep his tone light but his concern was evident.

Koschei met his gaze, his eyes filled with a seriousness that sent a chill down Theta's spine. "Yes," he replied softly. "We would."

Theta swallowed hard, "Koschei, why would you ever think about something like that?"

Koschei crumbled and began to shake like a leaf from trying to hold back the emotions spilling all at once, "The drums, Theta, the drums! They're unbearable! But what's more unbearable is the thought of leaving you all alone. I can't bear the thought of a life without you so you must feel the same about me, if we die together, maybe... maybe my next regeneration won't hear them anymore?"

Theta felt a wave of sorrow and fear wash over him. He reached out, taking Koschei's hand in his own, holding it tightly, his other held his face. "Koschei, listen to me. I know it's hard but this isn't the answer. I promise you, one day, I will find a way to fix it. I will help you, but you have to hold on. Please, don't ever think about doing something like that again?"

Koschei's composure broke, and he began to cry, his body trembling more with the force of his sobs. "I just want it to stop, Theta! I want it to stop so badly!"

Theta pulled him into a tight embrace as he cried. "I know, Koschei. I know. But you have to stay with me. We’ll get through this together. I won’t leave you alone with this, I'm right here. "

They sat there for a long time, long enough for the suns to set. Theta continued to hold Koschei, whispering words of comfort and reassurance. As the stars appeared in the Gallifreyan sky, Koschei's sobs gradually subsided. He remained in Theta's arms, exhausted from all his emotions . For now, that was enough.

In the quiet of the night the only sound was their breathing, it was soothing to them both, to Theta because it was a reminder his friend would stay alive, and to Koschei because it was a reminder his friend wouldn't leave him to deal with this alone.

Oh the angst of knowing his friend WILL indeed leave him to deal with this alone