#ngs. So ill move them a bit too (?)

[autistickfigure]

when you come around!

in progress

CLIP STUDIO PAINT + MSPAINT (of which, the background was made on. the Not mspaint ones are not mspaint.) who are my friends. My tablet was acting weird but i kept drawing anyway #Like a boss.

rock was originally a building but then it didnt work

[twilightmalachite]

2×2 - Grown-Up Situation 8

Author: Akira

Characters: Yuuta, Hinata, Shinobu, Nagisa

Translator: Mika Enstars

"You’re not a very physically strong person, Shinobu-kun, so don’t push yourself too hard, okay?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Winter

Location: Downtown

Hinata: —Oh, looks like our producers have arrived on set too!

Yuuta: Good morniii~ng, Anzu-san! Good luck today!

Shinobu: I’d be grateful for your help this time around, or rather, this time too, de gozaru…♪

Hinata: For the record, while the producer changes every time for 2×2, both YamadaP and AnzuP will be on site.

Nagisa: …Hm. It is an effective way to observe your opponent’s work up close, and perhaps also a means to monitor them to ensure there’s no cheating.

…That’s fair.

Yuuta: That’s true, but… Both producers have a lot of other work to do, so it must be quite a burden to show up on site for every 2×2.

Shinobu: Yeah… Anzu-dono had a bit of a cough last time we recorded, so I’m rather worried about her health, de gozaru.

Hinata: Doesn’t she always push herself too hard?

Huh? Actually, Anzu-san doesn’t seem to be feeling well, so she took a sick day off to be cautious…?

W-Will things be okay?

Hinata: Ah, I’m not worried about Anzu-san, but about the program… It’s mostly her own fault she’s not feeling well.

Shinobu: We didn’t say anything…

Yuuta: When you put it like that, it sounds like you instead actually don’t care about her at all, Aniki. ♪

Hinata: Uu, but that’s not what I meant. The producer in charge of the fifth episode of 2×2 is Anzu-san, isn’t she?

What do we do? If she can’t come on-site, how will she give us directions?

Nagisa: …It appears she will be giving direction through HoldHands for the time being.

…YamadaP has come on-site, although he is not in charge this time, so I do not think he can be too intrusive.

Shinobu: If YamadaP ended up producing AnzuP’s episode, it wouldn’t make any sense, de gozaru.

That would make the match, or the producer showdown, nonviable.

Hinata: It’s not something she should do to the point of destroying her body. I feel it’s fine to end this with Anzu-san’s loss now that she’s called in sick.

Managing the health of your idols and yourself is part of the job.

By falling ill, Anzu-san’s already considered inferior to YamadaP as a producer.

Yuuta: We’ve never had to miss work due to falling ill! We are healthy children! ☆

Hinata: But it’s caused for some mental unwellness because of that…

Yuuta: Moving on. This 12 episode program is already in the middle of it’s run with the fifth episode, and it seems to be getting a lot of viewership ratings thanks to the two producers competing.

It might not be feasible to cancel it at this point. At least, to the company or agency, in other words ES.

Hinata: Grown-up stuff is tough.

Nagisa: …I agree. Anzu-san’s name will be credited as this episode’s producer, and it appears that the match will continue whilst keeping her health condition under wraps.

…We should probably try to avoid mentioning it as much as possible.

Shinobu: During filming, at least, de gozaru. Hmm, I am worried about Anzu-dono though…

Yuuta: We just have to do our job. I’m sure doing that much would let Anzu-san at least rest easy.

Hinata: That’s right. …So, what kind of thing are we doing for our “experience” this time?

Nagisa: …I believe we’ve all received instruction from Anzu-san through HoldHands.

…What we’re doing for our “experience” this time is, umm, “experiencing life on the streets”?

Shinobu: Whoa, sounds like another harsh one!

Hinata: You’re not a very physically strong person, Shinobu-kun, so don’t push yourself too hard, okay?

Yuuta: That’s my line, Aniki.

Hinata: The current Yuuta-kun isn’t considerate enough, so I’m saying it for you!

Shinobu: I-I don’t want the siblings to quarrel, de gozaru~? Let’s get along, get along…♪

Nagisa: …Fufu, it is somehow unnerving for various reasons.

…In short, it appears we will be living on the streets for about a week, five days to be exact.

Yuuta: So like a homele… I have a feeling I shouldn’t use that word. Umm, so like an unemployed person with no fixed address?

Nagisa: …That’s right. Like we’ve been thrown out onto the street in only our clothes and have to survive for five days.

Yuuta: So we’ll be surviving in the concrete jungle!

Hinata: Whaaat, this will be easy, then!

Shinobu: Wha, wha? I’m here thinking this will be the hardest so far, de gozaru!?

Even harder than the third episode where we lived in extreme poverty, living on only 500 yen a day!

We at least had an apartment to live in with furniture and a bed, de gozaru!

We won’t even have that this time, de gozaru! It’s like a hard-mode was given to living in extreme poverty due to popular demand?

Nagisa: …Is the producer in charge this time around, Anzu-san, a demon?

Yuuta: She can be brutal at times, but I think she’s rather gentle with this.

Hinata: Yup. We can use the experience of how to save money during the program’s third episode of living in extreme poverty, though not Ran-senpai.

Yuuta: Yup. We have experience.

Shinobu: Oh, right. Yuuta-kun and Hinata-kun—

Yuuta: Yeah. When we were kids, we ran away from home and lived on the streets for some time. We earned money through things like street performances.

That experience can be put to good use. If anything, isn’t that why Anzu-san chose this to be our experience this time?

Hinata: Yup. This won’t be a first for us, so she hoped it’d be no sweat for us—No she trusted us that it would be.

Anzu-san, who knows us very well, has prepared something that I believe is a perfect fit for us.

Though I do feel bad for Shinobu-kun who will have to tag along.

Shinobu: … …

[ ☆ ]

← prev | story directory | next →

[pbwritesthething]

Mar. 2, 2023

My legs hurt. To be more specific, my thighs hurt. I struggle to bend them when I sit down. I struggle to straighten them when I stand up. My lower back and obliques are screaming every time I turn.

Why?

It’s because the other day, I played football (well, futsal) for the first time in almost a year. I don’t know why I act surprised every time this happens, but I figured it would be one of those things I could walk off. I don’t play nor train regularly, so of course it wouldn’t be something I could walk off. It sucks in the moment, but it’s a great way to move and it’s a great reminder that I could still play it.

I showed up with a teammate who was one year my junior. We’ve been part of the varsity since high school, and about 3 years into my college years. Along with us was this batch’s college goal keeper. I waved to my old high school coach, and he was fairly happy to see us. After all, it’s always a treat to have seniors and alumni join the juniors’ training. It’s the best way to build endurance and internal chemistry. I got war flashbacks watching them run laps in the oval under a minute and 30 second time-pressure. The juniors thought it would be a good idea to alternate between short sprints and a job.

It was not practical. They were attacking 2 different muscle groups and missed the timer’s mark. Needless to say, they had to repeat that for 3 more rounds. Before the fourth and final round, my teammate advised that they just sprint the whole thing. They tried their best, but their endurance and stamina wasn’t at that level yet. Back in my day, we sprinted that oval and only slowed down once we passed the starting line. Of course, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t enjoying their struggles. I graduated having been a consistent first stringer both on field and on the court with a sports scholarship under my belt so I earned my bit of schadenfreude.

That said, I wasn’t the most skilled out of my group in the ways most people think of a skilled player. I’m not much of a dribbler or a striker, so 1-v.-1s weren’t my strong suit. I was a hardy defender. The only way you could knock me over was if the floor was slippery, or if you hooked my ankle (that move’s illegal but you get my respect if you could get away with it). And you could count on for support when it gets too crowded up top.

Majority of the juniors moved like total rookies. Some had more experience in the way they lock their foot when kicking, or in controlling a ball from a keeper’s throw. That brought back a whole slew of memories because my batch was the same - mostly rookies without any seniors to show them the ropes. But what I love about this year’s rookies is they have a lot of fire in them. They’re just excited to play. Even if they lost their first match that previous weekend, they still had their heads up high with no ill feelings toward each other. People forget that beyond skills, a good team is made up of people who work well together. That means knowing when to push and knowing when to let a mistake go. More importantly, it’s making sure you never take bad outcomes or feelings within the game personally.

As my teammate put it, iba talaga ang bond ng talunan na team. It’s a bit negative, isn’t it? Of course you’d want the team to win. But would winning even matter as much if everyone on the team hated each other? Isn’t it awful if you can support each other with the field but can’t offer a shoulder to lean on outside of it?

I have high hopes for this batch. They’re new, they’ve got energy, they’ve got a lot to learn, and they’ve got great chemistry. I can’t wait to see what they accomplish. Then when a new batch of rookies arrive, and they’re still there, I hope they can be as kind to them as our seniors were to us.

[tinyidle]

Hey I wanted to ask if you can do more with ateez and piss kink 👉👈 oh and BTW I love your account

ATEEZ Having a P⚠️ss Kink as Doms (in Depth)

ive been getting lots of love for my mtl that i was even asked to do the piss kink fics with other groups! this ask in particular, however, caught my attention. trust me, after this fic ill get to the other asks. but since i made the mtl and my mind has manipulated my body to clench in my pee (tmi i know lol 💀) i just had to write this.

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WARNING: pure filth lmao (aka smut), title gives the description, bladder control, tw: fluid k*nk, mentions of drinking liquids (water + alcohol), mentions of *nal, sp*nk*ng, consensual force (rough s*x, as in reader gives permission to let atz use them harshly), light bdsm (always remember boundaries folks!), nicknaming (cuz im not a "y/n" writer lol), dom!ateez, sub!reader, fem!reader, light cursing, all fiction

tags: @eclipsehye , @rap1inewhore , @fyeah-bubblekey , @xduygu-arsx , @staytinyexe , @aigokayla , @glitteryskzstraykidsdream , @amultislifeforme

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Hongjoong

you wanted to pee so fucking bad. your boyfriend made you drink 1 liter of water in the past 2 hours and then made you sit and watch netflix while he himself was checking out samples for a new song piece, just for fun. but you had to go.

"joong, i can't take it anymore. i need to use the bathroom," you said, squirming on the couch and desperately clenching so that no water droplets could come out of your system.

the aforementioned man then turned around with a sly smirk. "ah, you need to go, baby?" he then lifted himself from his computer desk and went to the couch where you sat down. he then lifted you up a bit to bring you down on his lap. "then turn around and go on me."

you widened your eyes in both shock and pleasure. the sharp burn of arousal that hit your pelvis didn't help your already expanded bladder either. when hongjoong realized that you were too stunned to move, he encouraged you by grasping onto your hips and moving you forwards and backward. "come on, baby. you can do it," he encouraged with a smile on his face.

you swiveled around and then took it upon yourself to grind against your boyfriend, finding a sweet yet sinister feeling in knowing you'd leak any time soon. when you felt yourself leaking, you started whimpering, and despite your attempts to clench, the streams kept going. "fuck, joong. im leaking," you sobbed, grinding even harder until your arousal mixed with the piss you had that pooled on your boyfriend's sweatpants.

he caressed your back through all of this. "it's okay, baby. i got you." while you shook until you calmed down, he himself had also cum in his pants. which meant your guys' clothes will have to wash immediately, he'd have to find a better way to do this without much mess, and there would need to be a shower time afterward because you pissed a lot and he came a lot.

he tucked your hair behind you ear and talked to you softly. "when we get in the shower, how about you ride me as a reward for being so good?" your libido rose up again and you moaned a 'yes', much to hongjoong's liking.

Seonghwa

nothing made seonghwa feel better than pleasing his baby, even if he didn't enjoy it much. your satisfaction above his was his motto. he knew you wanted to try pissing for pleasure, but he wanted nothing less than cleanliness. although you respected that, he still wanted to please you. so today he was going to fulfill your desires his way.

"princess, would you like to take a shower together?" seonghwa asked when you guys were getting ready for bed. you, always loving intimacy with your boyfriend, accepted with a smile.

you guys were in the shower cuddling and showering when all of a sudden you felt your taller partner kiss your left shoulder. "can i give you a bit of an extra wash?" you, liking how this is going, agreed to let him do what he wanted. he kissed your left shoulder in a silent thanks before you felt warm streams.

it kept pooling until you felt both your feet get warm by the clear liquid. you gasped when you felt seonghwa's cock grow behind your ass, his crotch rubbing against your leg. "hwa-" you quietly moaned, feeling your arousal grow in your own crotch.

"if you don't mind, doll, i'd like to finish what i started." you never nodded so fast, knees buckling, ready to be pleasured to entirety.

Yunho

you acted up just to see how your boyfriend would punish you. never in a million years have you thought he'd used one of your most dirtiest kinks against you.

"yun, i can't take it anymore," you said, squirming while leaning over the island of the kitchen you guys were hanging out at. while attempting to cook, instead you were trying not to pee all over the floor.

"fucking hold it," the tall man growled, his back to you while finishing up on the rice for lunch. unfortunately, it's been over 20 minutes and you drank way too much water prior. you ended up having an accident right where you were standing.

yunho, hearing the sound of you leaking on the floor, smirked, turned around, instructed you to take off your clothes, and rubbed your clit until you couldn't piss anymore. "my tiny little baby really couldn't take it anymore, hmm." although you were whining, you've got to admit: you were loving every second of it.

Yeosang

one time you guys tried anal, and as fun as it was and as enjoyable as it felt for you both, the lube stains on the sheets were extensive. yeosang couldn't help himself as he's just a messy man. a beautiful man, but a messy one. the line crossed when he tried to make your squirt. you let out so much that he was wondering how long it would take for his bed to fully air out. no way is he going to try pissing. on purpose, that is.

you like to drink water before bed so that your bladder can wake you up in the morning. it was obvious that you drank too much alcohol that night because of your wooziness and your boyfriend's constant hold on to your body while you were wobbling to the bedroom. trying to help you out, he gave you water to help clear your head. apparently, you drank too much of that too.

yeosang was holding onto your side until he felt something warm. shit, he thought. you were too comfortable in your sleep that you forgot to go to the bathroom. luckily he has plastic over the bed from the last sex session. he woke up, and although your hangover didn't hurt that much, you groaned due to the mess you made.

"little doll forgot to pee in the toilet," he said teasing you a bit. he didn't expect you to be aroused by his simple rhetorical question, but you in fact were very turned on. you ended up whining, which yeosang's ears caught on to very quickly. he chuckled and kissed your forehead. "you like being my messy little doll, huh? maybe after i clean up this mess we can make even more mess in the bathroom."

San

this man knew you loved to watch him do things. you loved watching him dance, him singing, him acting, him modeling, even him just breathing. but san knew something only you and he knew: you were a voyeur. you loved when your boyfriend chased his own pleasure while you watched. you especially loved it when you could help him out.

"be a good girl and get me off, then ill return the favor." you quickly went on your knees, stroking him just the way he liked. at times you'd take his dick in your mouth to egg him on, but you knew san loved being teased in order for him to properly make a mess on your body.

soon enough san warned you about his release, and you took off your shirt and shorts, just leaving your panties on. you continued jacking him off until you saw small spurts of clear liquid come from his tip. you let his streams go down on your chest, covering your boobs and almost drowning your underwear.

the short-haired man smiled while looking at you, and you looked back at him. you were now going to get the favor returned.

Mingi

you guys were fucking for about an hour now. at first you guys used protection, but then your dumb brain told mingi afterward that he could go in bare because you were on the pill. some 3 more orgasms later, you guys were sensitive yet still very horny. no way was mingi pulling out now, and no way were you going to tell him to stop.

"fuck, honey im gonna pee soon," he said, still going at near-full speed on top of you. you were being lifted forwards a bit with every thrust, and you wanted to pee as well, but you still wanted him.

"let me go on top and ride you until you have to pull out," you said, almost breathless. mingi moaned at your request and moved from on top of you and sat you down on his throbbing cock. you started bouncing, your breasts in mingi's face. he happily took them and sucked on your nipples while licking around the areola area. he was very close, so he pressed onto your bladder and lightly rubbed clit simultaneously so you could get there. "fuck!" you yelled out.

your tall boyfriend quickly lifted you off his dick and pissed on the sheets underneath you too, while you were spazzing and leaking on top of him. "you did so well for me, honey."

Wooyoung

"woo, i need to go," you said while rocking back and forth on your heels.

"go where? baby, it's raining outside." you knew your boyfriend was playing with you since he knew where you want to go to the bathroom. yet here he was, acting stupidly oblivious.

"dammit, jung wooyoung, i need to pee! let me gooooooo~" you said, now full-on dancing. you saw as the cocky man started laughing at your comprising state. he loved fucking with you as much as fucking you. he left and came back with the sheet you knew all too well. he's gonna have fun with this.

wooyoung took off all his clothes then tugged on your tank top. "i told you not to drink too much water. now you're gonna use me as your bathroom." you've done this many times before ever since he found out you were into it, but every time you still blushed. "unless you don't want to go?"

you shook your head, face still hot by the embarrassment (that honestly shouldn't be there). you took your tank and bra off, before quickly sliding off your skirt and underwear before you leaked anything. humming in approval, the dancer lay himself down on the 'designated piss cloth' and held your waist as you went on top of him. leaning forward and holding onto your boyfriend's shoulders, you slowly started grinding onto him.

wooyoung tried to chase his own pleasure, so he gripped your hips and made you rub against his dick harder. your small gasps turned into huge ones, and soon enough (with the help of the cocky man's teasingly pressing his tip to your ass) made you pee hard.

he kissed your cheek and caressed your back while waiting for your shaking to cease. "such a dirty baby. you deserve a rest, yeah?" you mumbled a small 'yes', and your boyfriend kept holding onto you.

Jongho

you were told to hold in your bladder. usually, it's easy for you, but your strong boyfriend showed that you are weak-willed when around him. he was pressing on your stomach when you guys were watching tv, made sure to leave the door open when he went to the bathroom to shower, pee, and wash his hands.

you to your disdain were going to break when jongho saw that you gave him the silent treatment. "listen here, sweetie, just because you can't go to the bathroom doesn't mean you ignore me. come here." he caught you by your hip and tugged you to him. he effortlessly lifted you up over his shoulder from the living room area to the couch where the tv was.

"no jongho, no! i was so close to winning-"

"you should have thought about that before purposefully ignoring me all day." he was right, and you knew it. you in an attempt to win his challenge ended up disregarding him, being outright rude sometimes. well, your punishment was waiting for you now. he sat down on the couch, with you over his lap. he pulled your shorts and panties down in one go. he then gave your right cheek a light tap, making you jolt due to the gentle force. "count until i feel like you've learned your lesson."

you haven't even reached 10 yet and had leaked all over your boyfriend's trousers. jongho didn't care, however, as he loved seeing you moan from the pleasurable pain, as well as having an excuse to tap that cute ass of yours. it was more like a harsh smack for you, as you felt both cheeks getting hot. once the tenth spank occurred, you cried out. "10! please jjong i can't take it anymore"

jongho gave your ass a break and lifted you onto his pissed-soaked lap to hold onto you. you sobbed in pleasure that couldn't be explained. "shh, shh, sweetie. you've done well. ill run you a bath soon and we can cuddle later, okay?" wiping the tears from your eyes, you nodded.

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i wrote this while feeling sad about my current state, but when i finished writing this felt somewhat better (probably because writing is a comfort for me). hopefully you guys are feeling 10x better than me!

if you have any asks or suggestions, let me know! i can write for more groups, but more atz asks are okay.

[bbarican]

life updates: november 09, 2021

work:

my seniors recently complimented me again saying na im a really efficient junior designer and that my main senior is so lucky to have me work with her in all of her projects

yung makati project namin nakakatawa nalang kasi ang daming extra na gustong pagawa nung client namin so syempre madedelay yung turnover pero sila din tong atat mag move it; pls make it make sense po

yung alabang project naman namin, hindi mafinalize ng boss namin yung mga details kasi magboboracay daw muna siya; basta ako ill finalize everything on my end para wala siyang masabi

also! im super duper excited for this one: my ninang asked for my help in designing her condo unit so thats basically going to be my first ever freelance project! wish me luck! im about to prep for our meeting tomorrow too before i go to bed

praying to god na wala kaming ganap masyado sa work para keri kong pumunta ng ust after lunch

last for work: i have officially decided to take the board exam next year meaning i have to email my bosses already regarding my plans on filing for leave from march to july; fingers crossed they allow it!

family:

im so glad my dad is feeling much better; yes, i always am annoyed at him but i really do love him and care about him so much

i am: confused cause my younger brother didnt enjoy bungalow's homer donut as much as i did; IT WAS THE BEST DONUT EVER

my lola is staying over for the night and having her here at home always makes me feel safer than usual

i miss my mom and brother; i cant wait for my mom to come home

syempre di na ko magkukunwari, excited na din ako sa mga pasalubong ng nanay ko yahu

friends:

im so fucking excited to see my bestfriends; we're going back to the beach for tiger's birthday and im just so excited to spend a weekend with them especially since its been so long since we all last hung out

i miss my tumblr bestfriends a lot; sometimes i wish it was 2020 again when all we were doing was staying up late on zoom and literally just playing games and watching movies and talking about everything under the sun and planning random meet ups and actually ending up meeting up with almost everybody

im really excited to review with my bestfriends too and go cafe hopping once review season starts! also syempre matik na din yan, lagi sila matutulog dito sa bahay

personal life:

my puson is hurting a bit and im kind of getting worried na its either 1.) pcos related since i do have pcos or 2.) its something to do with the fact na ang lakas ko nanaman sa juice, soda, and coffee

i have to drink water ONLY i swear to god i do not want to get sick at all, especially in this pandemic

got my first ever 13th month pay today! i really really really need to save kasi i dont want to go into review season with an empty bank account

which means, no coffee or pastry runs whenever im out of the house; i seriously need to discipline myself para din i dont keep gaining more and more weight

i am itching to fix and reorganize and clean my room; cannot wait for the weekend kasi ito talaga gagawin ko

eamon and bec, you have stolen my heart; plus your accents are the cutest thing ever

watching their videos just made me really really want to visit morocco soon cause ive been wanting to go their for so long already

love:

syempre wala

if youve made it this far into my post, thank you so much. i just felt extra chatty this evening and i feel like i had to type everything down cause if i dont, i wont remember them with how busy i am. i hope you guys are doing okay and please know that if you ever feel like just typing everything as well, go for it. just go for it! who cares what other people say? either way, again, i hope you guys have a really lovely tuesday evening and i hope the rest of the week treats us well!

[burning-clutch]

Headstrong With Headstones

cross posted on a03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30588233

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Ghosts are always around to ruin Danny’s day. Nothing new there, but what came of it when the Red huntress tackled him and sent them both through the ghost catcher? Well, this was new...

Warnings: descriptions of death-like trama, injuries 

Prompt by: EchoGhost

Valerie, as the Red Huntress, is chasing Phantom and they end up both accidentally flying through the Fenton Ghost Catcher together. This causes Danny to end up with the hunter suit and Valerie to end up with ghost powers. (Optional: When Val goes ghost she still looks exactly like Phantom.)

Whoo boy, this one was a ride! Fun to write though but boy! Did it get away from me! it’s a long one! Anyway, enjoy! Unbetaed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“I am really hating these things!” Phantom called out as he flew about the area blasting another giant ant looking. 

He had no idea where these things came from or why but suddenly Amity was overrun with ant and bug ghosts that were just… everywhere. They were large, as far as bugs go, that is, ranging from the size of a house cat to a large dog, and each seemed to be either possessing citizens or stealing food to bring back for their queen. 

Why they needed physical food, Danny wasn’t sure, but he also wasn’t about to let them stick around to let them accomplish their goal to find out. He looked over his shoulder as Sam and Tucker wrestled with a thirty something woman who was howling in rage tied up in a Fenton fishing line before they tossed her through the Ghost Catcher to separate out the ghost bug from the woman. 

That done they blasted the ant ghost causing it to explode. “At least these things aren’t hard to destroy,” Tucker said, a disgusted look on his face. At least they had managed to get the catcher down here to the epicentre of the ant outbreak. Ant-break? Eh…. 

ng ghost. The ectoplasmic drone exploded into goo making Danny wince. “Ugh nasty... “ The halfa complained “At least we’re finally getting through them... “ Sam sighed in agreement. Though she would rather they catch the ghosts overblowing them up into goo she couldn’t deny the effectiveness. It was faster and more efficient to do rather than catch them in the thermoses and given they were only ecto constructs she couldn’t feel too bad about the whole thing. They just really needed to find the queen ant ghost sooner rather than later given that these things would never stop coming otherwise. 

“Come on Tuck there's more down here! I just saw, like, eight go down the alley,” Sam said to her current partner in ghost busting. Tucker groaned but readied his lipstick blaster nonetheless and followed closely behind the dark haired girl. 

Phantom watched them go before turning his attention back to the task at hand shooting through a random old man to pull out a ghost and explode that removed one as well as a larger one sneaking up on him all with the same large ecto blast. 

A call of triumph was soon changed into a call of pain as Phantom was suddenly shot in the back. "I don't know how you're involved in this but I know you are, ghost!" Came an all too familiar and rather unwelcome voice from behind the halfa. 

"Can we not right now Red?" Phantom complained. That shot between his shoulder blades had hurt! And he had really hoped that one of the ant ghosts had just been stronger than the others. Wishful thinking…

"Don't wanna hear your 'hero' spiel, ghost! Once I take care of you these bugs will be gone!" The Red Huntress spat back angrily. 

"Me being here, and those bugs are not connected!" Phantom called back in exasperation just barely dodging a blast from the hunter. 

"Stay still and let me end you ghost!"

"Tempting offer but, no. Gonna have to pass on that." Phantom called, aiming a shot and knocking the gun from Red's hands before trying to flee from her all the while still trying to round up the ghost bugs he came across. 

It didn't exactly bode well with Valerie. The huntress dove after her gun, catching it before it smashed to the ground below, and tearing after the monochromatic ghost. “Get back here you ectoplasmic skum!” She yowled punching the gas so to speak, as she tried to gain headway against Phantom’s much more agile form.

“Oh! Good one! Haven’t heard that one every day of my afterlife! You need new insults!” He taunted blasting an ant ghost before slipping underground hoping to shake the huntress. 

Red growled and brought up the information she’d need to track the menace in her visor eager to try and pinpoint where that jerk would be coming out. Thankfully her instruments didn’t fail her and she was able to see where he was, and got into position to head him off at the pass. 

When Phantom did reemerge he did so invisibly not that it made a difference to the hunter, her visor showing where he was rather accurately. She fired, landing the hit on Phantom forcing him to drop his invisibility and jump back into the normal visible spectrum. 

The ghost blinked at her stupidly a moment before asking, “New upgrades?” 

“Yes, All the better to take revenge on you!” 

“You’re still on about that?! You know I’m the ghost in this relationship, right? I’m supposed to be the one with the obsession?” He called only to let out a yelp and dodge down out of the way of the incoming missiles barely a second later. 

“The only relationship we have is hunter and prey!” Red called out in rage making Phantom grimace. 

The ghost turned to shoot any of the tracking missiles that were still coming at him before telling the girl, “You know you sound like Skulker right?! Like ew!” 

“Shut up! You have no idea what this is like!” 

“I was alive once ya know” Phantom argued back dodging another volley of shots and ducking down weaving under a billboard. “If anything you’re the one who doesn’t understand! Not to mention the anger issues!” 

“I’ll show you anger issues!” Red quipped back yelping as her gun was shot out of her hand and exploded into bits from a follow up shot from Phantom.  She was nearly out of ammo for that one anyway… 

Still, she gave pursuit, even if she was ill prepared, given how fast she booked it out and after that stupid spectre when he appeared on her radar she was a little light, not that it mattered. Still, she hated to admit but she was well aware that if these bug things were Phantom’s he wouldn’t just be destroying them… it didn’t fit his MO.

Then again this was a ghost they were looking at as if they had any rational thought or feelings whatsoever! She could almost laugh at the thought. A ghost with actual feelings. HA! No matter though this time, this time she’d have him… he was weak after fighting all those other ghosts after all those minor literal bugs that needed to be squashed. She would take care of Phantom first then finish the mess he undoubtedly created. 

Red let out a growl of frustration as her shots went wide, her anger causing her to miss, she knew it was that but she found herself seeing, well, red. She yelped at the burn her hand and arm sustained as Phantom blasted at her gun again, sort of missing his target and causing the weapon to explode in her hand. Of course, that only served to make her madder. 

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. 

While Phantom was gloating about his shot or some other such thing, no that sorry was sarcastic! How could it be anything else from a ghost?! She shot forward at top speed, the motor in her board whirring and whining in dismay as she punished it for all it had, slamming into Phantom and more or less tackling him with her board. 

He yelped in surprise and she activated the stinger prod on the end of the board giving the stupid ghost a good amount of electricity. 

Phantom screeched something fierce, a horrid sound that she had never heard before and his eyes widened in fear.  GOOD! He finally knew to fear her! She shocked him again still moving forward to keep him on the end of her board.

In her delirium of finally getting something in on that stupid ghost she wasn’t exactly looking where she was steering, and well, to say she was shocked when she had passed through the Ghost catcher would be an understatement. 

Pain, that’s all her mind knew, and that’s all Phantom’s knew as well as the ghostly energies and anti-energies hit the semi permeable film of the catcher. Valerie screeched, her own pitch seeming to match Phantom’s as they passed through. 

She hears herself grunt, but it didn’t come from her own throat. 

She felt herself groaning, but it sounded much too deep… 

"What?" She heard her voice ask. "I- o-oh wait… Valerie!?"

The Huntress in question opened her eyes and blinked a few times staring at her own visor, and it took her a few seconds to realize what exactly she was looking at. Frantically she stands up or at least tries to, given she floated upwards towards the sky. Her robotic suit is now replaced with a black and white skin tight suit. 

Phantom on the other hand had instantly felt heavy and hot. But when he saw a semi red tinted version of his own glowing green eyes staring back at him, the sparking ghost catcher in the background…

Well, his first thought was he separated from himself... but he still felt like himself and thought as he normally would… but then... hearing Valerie's voice come out of his own throat?

"Well shit" Danny managed to say smartly

Valerie screamed realizing she was looking at herself, her body, still in her Huntress suit. She waved her arms as she yelled obscenities, joining in Phantom’s own frantic flailing as the ghost boy tried to calm her down.

" Phantom what did you do? How dare you take over my body! Why am I stuck in your gross floaty one?!” The huntress turned ghost screeched. 

“You think I planned this? I don’t wanna be a girl! This is your fault you’re the one who threw us through the catcher! You should know by now that m- The Fenton’s inventions do some whack stuff!” Danny argued hauling himself up to his feet properly and flailing his arms in circles to keep balance. He was both not used to being (fully) human as well as having a different centre of gravity, not to mention the suit covering his new form. 

This wasn’t like possession at all. With that, it was like wearing a tight suit. It wasn’t too terrible overall but at the same time you instinctively knew how to move within one, this was a whole new experience, like being given stilts and set onto a tightrope and told to cross the canyon, all with an additional fifty pounds strapped to you.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how mad I am at this!”  Valerie said as she grabbed onto a crack in the concrete to keep herself from floating away before face planting into the gravel and grunting. Phantom couldn’t help but smirk behind the visor despite himself. “Are you? Because the way I see it you’re the ghost, your anger isn’t real, your feelings are just remnants of what you remember anger to be.” He shot her condescending look that was hidden behind the helmet, but oh! It felt good to throw that back at her.

“What!? No! That is not how this works, ghost!” Valerie screeched out, reaching a rather impressive octave with his vocal cords. 

“Actually it completely is. I’m not possessing you, otherwise, my “body”-” He held up his fingers to do the air quotes here “-wouldn’t still be here, and it definitely wouldn’t do this when I overshadow someone.” 

“Why you!”

“Hey chill all we gotta do is go back through the-” Danny’s voice dropped off into silence as he stared up at the ghost catcher with a deepening frown. The center where the ethereal ‘thread’ of the catcher was had broken leaving a fancy looking bubble ring at best and a really bad eye of Sauron at worst. 

“Okay, New plan we get that fixed and then we can get this whole thing straightened around,'' Phantom said with a firm nod to himself after flailing his hands back and forth to himself and… himself… oh his head was going to hurt. 

Valerie yelped as her feet started to sink through the concrete, causing Phantom to snort. “Not so easy is it?” He retorted smugly doing his best impression of a bitchy prep, now that he had the vocal cords for it. Though when he realized that the slow descent into the concrete wasn’t stopping making the asphalt look more like quicksand than anything, Danny rushed forward to grab the ghostly upper arm.

He was glad for once that this suit had anti phase capabilities. Valerie on the other hand had a gambit of emotions cross her face. Confusion and fear were being the most prominent as well as anger. 

And how could she not! That ghost had her body, and while he had made the mention of her emotions not being ‘real’ she knew that it was because her brain and whatever her consciousness was made up of was over here in Phantom. He was still the same evil conniving ghost as always and she wasn’t sure how he had planned this, but she just knew that this was a plot of some kind to make her life even more of a hell for her. 

Still, phasing through things she could do without. “You have to focus on staying solid as your body, er my body I guess, will naturally want to turn intangible. The same thing with flight, you have to will yourself to stay on the ground, your default is to float so if you want to stay in one spot you have to will yourself there…. It- It’s like have you ever had a lucid dream?” 

Valerie blinked at the ghost, her? … at the words before they actually registered. Why would he bother trying to help her? Wouldn't it be easier to have her crippled under a new body and new powers and all the confusion that surrounds it? 

“What?” She said after a moment of thought. He had to be tricking her somehow with this right? There’s no way… “As if I’d trust anything you have to say.” 

“What?! Don’t be stupid that is my body! I spent long enough accidentally phasing through stuff that I learned how to will myself to work!” Phantom argued indignantly. 

"Fine" she snapped out, relenting slightly, but only just. She figured that if, and that's an IF the size of a planet… if he really didn't somehow plan this She supposed it wouldn't hurt to try what he was saying. After all, if she didn't play nice, why knows what crimes he'll commit while inhabiting her body.

Valerie shuddered as a good number of thoughts entered her head about what Phantom could potentially do with her body. Make her look like a fool, ruin her reputation! … What could she do in Phantoms? How was this real? How did that… whatever of the Fentons make this happen? Thinking about this too much would undoubtedly make her head hurt. 

Right focus, keep yourself solid. “It’s harder than it looks, you know. Like I said when I had that whole thing with Cujo I couldn’t control myself entirely and controlling him too, well….” Phantom piped up earning a glare from the huntress. 

“Shut up!” Valerie roared earning a blast of sound from her jaws as she had the bar start of a ghostly wail.

Phantom squawked and covered his ears, thankful the helmet was still on given it blocked out a good amount of the sound. “Easy your emotions make you- my powers go haywire!” 

“Valerie’s eyes widened as she stared at the small trail of destruction she had caused. It… it was that easy to flip over three cars and punch a hole in a building?! And phantom… Phantom held this kind of raw power? Well, now she did... This pure, unrestrained power that was so hard to control and if she focused she could feel it just below the surface in her chest, running outward and under her skin like an electric current, writhing through her veins like caterpillars. 

She was disgusted by it… she was thrilled by it… she was genuinely afraid of it…

“Y-You can just…” She trailed off. She didn’t want to say what she had done, what she had just seen, or acknowledge what she was still seeing… that trail of rubble there, she didn’t want to talk about it… as about it, but she had to… and yet, she didn’t want it to be made real by her accepting it...

“Like I said it takes a while to learn control.” Phantom offered simply. 

“Stay right where you are spook!” Jack Fenton’s voice was suddenly echoing down the street causing Danny to instinctively throw up his hands before giving an “Oh wait.” and looking to Val with a mix of emotions on his face. 

“He’s talking to you” Phantom taunted knowingly. At least Jack was a bit of a ways off, though closing in fast… They had at least a minute for him to get into firing range.

“What no! You’re the ghost!” 

“Not from where I’m standing.” Phantom shot back hotly, and he was right… technically… And Valerie really hated that he was right! “We gotta get you, me, US We gotta get outta here!” Phantom stammered out, grabbing the ghost’s arm before bolting down the nearest alleyway. Danny shoved Valerie in his body back deeper into the dark of the alley wincing as he realized she may need to transform. Then again… “How do I use your board?” Phantom half asked half yelled out  at the huntress, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to look into her own panicked eyes. 

“Why should I tell you?!” She spat back indignantly. Thankfully, or rather unluckily depending on how you look at it, an ectoblast shot their way clipping an overhead fire escape and pinging off the metal. Phantom simply threw his arm up towards the scorch mark with a huff of his own. “You wanna feel what those are like?” He says eyes narrowing the visors glow seemed to enhance the effect. 

“Ugh fine,” Though it was meant to sound like reluctant compliance, the hitch in the tone gave her worry away. “Just jump into the air and call it up like mentally.” 

He huffed and jumped up, only to land back down a second later with a frown. Again he tried going higher in his jump and clicking his heels together, this time it spawned the board but he simply hovered there on it. “And to fly?” Phantom asked ducking out of pure instinct as another ecto shot flew their way.

“Like surfing, or skateboarding Lean the way you want to go, put the pressure on your front foot for up and back for down.” Came the semi-rushed answer. Phantom nodded, grabbed Valerie and shot up like a rocket. The ghost let out a yelp and ended up overcompensating, sending them into a barrel roll as they climbed up into the clouds. By the time he managed to regain control he felt like he was going to barf, but Valerie only looked mildly annoyed. “Electromagnetic boots?” He asked wobbling a bit as he tried to haul his counterpart onto the board. 

“Yep,” Came the answer as Valerie settled on the edge of the board with a defeated sigh. 

“Just so you know I’m still blaming you for this. The only reason I’m playing nice with you right now is because I know if I don’t you’ll mess up something in my body or my suit.” Valerie hissed after a moment’s silence. 

“Right ‘cuz I was totally the one who tackled us through that catcher.” Came the bitter retort. “I wish just once you would listen to me! Those ants are not my fault!” 

“Then why bother trying to do anything about it?! Ghosts only want to manipulate people and I know if you’re not responsible for this mess then you’re making hay in the sunshine and taking advantage so that you can force people to view you as a hero,” She spat out making a scrunched face that very much did not belong on Phantom’s features. 

“What? No! If I could do that don’t you think I would have?” 

“Maybe you’re just not strong enough yet, need more believers or something.” 

“You saw what ‘power’ I actually have Valerie, hell you used some of it! And by accident!” 

“Well,” She sputtered shifting uncomfortably unable to deny what she had seen, done… what she could still sort of make out from here.

“And what was with the electricity earlier? That is beyond cruel you know! Keeping that up as long as you did!” Phantom raged the cybernetics seeming to respond in kind, a small laser popping out of his shoulder which the former halfa growled at and physically pushed back down to get it to go away.

“You’re a ghost! You don’t feel pain in the same way humans do.” Valery shot back reciting the rote excuse he had heard far too often. 

Phantom saw red, and not just because of the visor he was currently forced to wear. So he did the only thing that his brain could think of. He slapped himself in the face. “OW! What the hell Phant-?!”

“Oh shut up! The pain’s all in your head! It’s not real! You’re just imagining it! You’re simply an imprint of who you once were, you’re not a person anymore, and feelings aren’t real because you're not human!” Phantom ranted and raved. When he was done he found himself panting heavily the excursion much more mental but ANCIENTS did it feel good to finally do that and scream and not take out a city block. 

“Do you remember your time as Valerie Grey?” he asked after a few moments of getting his breathing in check.

“W-What? Are you stupid of course I do!” Valerie responded instantly, creeped out that the ghost knew her full name and identity but given the display of raw anger she had just witnessed she smartly decided to not bother to hedge that issue just yet.  “We only just had this mess happen…” She offered up not fully sure what more to say. 

“So you can say you died at that moment, well congrats, you’re no longer the person you once were, you’re not Valerie any longer, you are an imprint of what that person was and your memories of being human mean nothing.” Phantom hissed out lowly. This time he wasn’t shouting, but his tone was the purest sour thing she had ever heard come out of any single person.

“Well, I’m you.” She stated dumbly. Even though she was looking at herself and it was sort of an uncanny valley sort of thing to be looking at she still saw Phantom, raw feral and angry… The fact that she was technically the more powerful of them right now didn’t even register. 

“That doesn’t matter, you’re not me you’re a ghost. It doesn’t matter who you were before you’re a ghost now and that’s all they’ll ever see.”  He was shaking in barely constrained anger now. Valerie at least had the wherewithal to know that if positions were reversed and she was feeling the fury that the other was putting out, she would have come at the subject of her ire guns blazing...

Valerie opened her mouth and closed it a few times realizing something. She could literally feel the rage and sadness flowing out of the ghost controlling her body. She wanted to believe it was simply that the ghost was in HER body that the emotions were prevalent, but they were far too strong to be imitations…

 She knew why she could feel, could taste, the emotions coming out of the other, and how it seemed to give a small boost of energy. It was sort of like eating something really sugary, the small jolt she got with it wouldn’t last long and she knew it instinctively, but the fact it gave a boost at all… Ghosts couldn’t feed on other ghost’s emotions… it’s one of the reasons they attacked humans after all…

She wanted to retort to the spectre snap at him like she always would but she couldn’t find it in herself… she simply felt… deflated... And it wasn’t just because her arm had all but disappeared into a wisp of smoke either…

She swallowed thickly letting the stupid ghost arm do whatever it wanted (why did she have to control these body parts) and took in a deep sigh. “You said the shock was cruel… Why?” She wondered after a moment. 

Phantom had somehow managed to figure out how to open and disappear the helmet while Valerie was staring down at her, his, gloved hands, so it was a shock to see the whirlwind of storm clouds behind her own eyes. Phantom was always expressive, but it seemed to hit her harder seeing it on her own face… it looked far too real, too convincing in her own dark eyes.

“Take off the glove, the right one.” He says simply, almost too softly for her to hear.

It confused her, she hadn’t thought a ghost’s clothing could be removed… but, she did. There was little she would have thought to have seen under the glove but this? This wasn’t anything she was prepared for.

The fingers on the hand were deathly pale, but with a green underlay that was especially noticeable in the fingernails. Not a surprise really there… but just before the third knuckles the back of the hand started to deepen looking almost like something you’d find on an eighty year old, or a bit of dried wood one would toss in a fire, before fading back out and becoming the tanned green colour at the wrist that Phantom sported on his face. 

Litchendburg scars were obvious and prevalent along the back of the hand, worsening into an almost perfect circle on his palm, about the size of a quarter and indented just a little bit. Now that she was looking at it, it was like his hand was burned clean through on the palm…. And those lightning bolt shaped scars, well, she knew what that meant. 

“Death marks,” Phantom says simply almost reading her mind as she stared at the palm. “It’s exactly what you think it was and the scars snake around my arm all the way to my chest…. Kinda figure the whole thing exploded my heart and that’s what actually killed me...”

 “And… You remember it?” Valerie asked, eyes widening in realization. Somehow talking to the ghost boy like this with his words coming out of her mouth… it seemed to make this all the more validating to her like she was finally hearing him for the first time… She probably was, now that she’d thought about it…

“Yeah, I remember a lot of my life… not everything mind you but it’s like remembering a dream you had the morning after…” Phantom says softly. That much was true, despite his halfa status, everything from before he became a half ghost was kind of hazy at best and shrouded in a dream like fog at worst. There were some memories he had that if he didn’t see photo evidence for it, he would have chalked it up to a kind of lucid dream…

“Oh,” Valerie said. What could she say to that? “And the ghost powers..? They weren’t innate and instinctual like the Fenton’s say were they?” 

“No, it has been a trial by fire since the first day I died…” Phantom responded solemnly 

She felt like dirt, and she glared at her whispering body before scrunching up her face and willing herself solid. She couldn’t control what her body was doing, she had no idea how to work any of… this! How many times had Phantom told her it was an accident and she refused to believe him?!

It was only now was she seeing the ghost she had been actively and relentlessly hunting as simply a teen who got thrown in too deep too fast over his head and was trying to make the most of it. Though there was one thing she didn’t quite understand, and she had wondered about it since she had first laid eyes on the odd monochromatic ghost.

“Why do you attack other ghosts at all?” She asked simply giving into her wondering. 

“Because I wanna protect the people I left behind…” He answered earnestly

Valerie thought about that, he had said it before sure, but somehow it felt different this time he’d said it. Maybe she was overthinking it now? Or this was the first time she had given it any thought at all? 

She stared down at her, at  Phantom’s ungloved hand with a frown. Maybe he wanted to protect people to save people because no one came to save him? Almost sounded like too noble a thought to be wasted on some dumb ghost…

She shook her head wanting to end that train and derail it before it even left the station. She knew damn well it was her own anger and brashness that got her into this whole freaky Friday thing, but she would never admit to it aloud...

“How do we fix this?” She asked after a few more beats of listening to the soft whirring of the hoverboard beneath her. 

“The Fenton Catcher got us into this, the Fenton Catcher can get us out,” Danny said simply. “IT’s like I was saying earlier. The electricity you were hitting me with overloaded the catcher and made it go haywire but luckily there is a reverse side to the thing, we just gotta hope the Fentons either fix the one that got fried or we hope they have a spare.” Phantom replied candidly. With a hum, the ghost boy tapped a finger on his, her lip. 

The action was so normal yet so bewildering to her as she watched herself perform it. It was clearly something unconscious he did, given the thousand yard stare he had going on there… Phantom makes her go crosseyed and she couldn’t help but snort. 

Danny knew full well there was a duplicate, well, sort of, of The Catcher in the lab, but the problem was he didn’t know where exactly it was. Secondly, he needed to be sure if it was worth the risk to try and use the catcher 1.0 when it was the updated version that they had been messed up by... The one they also destroyed. 

Well… today seemed to be a sharing and show and tell kind of day so, “Valerie, there's an inside pocket on that suit, the zipper is under the collar since you probably can’t phase through yourself with any sort of control… Um, in that pocket there's a cell phone. Can you grab it and hand it to me?” 

“You have a cell phone?” She asked her, his, nose crinkling up giving a look that clearly thought he was a stalker or something. 

“Yes, a friend got it for me…. And before you say anything... Yes, I have friends, NO they are not evil… mostly, and the cellphone is paid for by them.” Phantom preemptively rattled off holding out his hand expectantly. 

Valerie grunted in acknowledgement before fumbling about under the collar of the suit and finding the zipper. “What kind of ghost needs a zipper?” 

“Don’t judge, I didn’t get to choose what I died in, you know.” Phantom huffed out impatiently. 

Valerie blinked and grimaced, sort of feeling bad about the complaint now, though it was instantly rectified by Phantom’s next comment. “Hey lighten up, just gotta laugh at my grave sense of humour.” 

“I will smack you… ugh, I can’t believe I’m undressing a ghost… Here’s your damn phone.” Valerie grumbled pointedly averting her eyes away from the ghost’s bare chest, acting as though she didn’t want to see anything she shouldn’t, in reality, she just didn’t want to see any more scarring and see it as though they were on her body. As it was she’ll be surprised enough if she doesn’t have nightmares.

She was already imagining herself being in Phantom’s spot, burning as you’re being electrocuted. Feeling your heart sputter and stop before being reborn as a ghost confused and lost still remembering everything and knowing you’ve died? She shuddered, and could only hope she would never become a ghost. Having that loom over you every time you saw your reflection didn’t sound like fun at all...

Phantom takes his phone, a flip phone that thankfully, was only ever used for his Phantom needs, and only contained three contacts, Jazz, Sam, and Tucker. Sam paid the bill for him and was a good fail safe if his parents ever punished his human half by taking away his electronics or if he ever had to leave in a hurry he had a secured line that shouldn’t be tied to him really in any way. 

And right now it would work to make sure Valerie doesn’t see a phone was the same as Fenton’s. He flipped open the device, the clamshell was indestructible (mostly) and cheap! By Sam’s standards anyhow, fifty bucks may be nothing to her on her allowance but Danny would have to save up a month to get there. HE shook his head from his musings to focus on the task at hand, sending out a message to the group text asking his friends to either convince his parents to fix the ghost catcher or to retrieve the 1.0 version and set it up somewhere for him to try and fix a problem. He left it vague, apart from telling them he wasn’t exactly himself at the moment, which prompted an instant slew of worried texts from the three people in the chat chain but, well, he could deal with that later, he wrangled the ’ghostkateers’ back in and set them on their way. He just had to hope that he could get through this with his alternative identity intact. 

“What was all that about?” Valerie asked suspiciously. 

Ah, there it was… “I have contact with the Fenton kids… They help me get some of their parents stuff when I need it…. Didn’t you wonder why that Fenton Ghost Catcher was even in the middle of town in the first place?”  Phantom said with a raised brow.

Valerie blinked in thought. She honestly hadn’t put that much thought into it. The Fenton adults had said that Phantom stole their stuff all the time and she’d simply left it at that. Why would she have wasted brain power on it? Though the more she thought about it the more she frowned. 

Phantom was a ghost so just how had he been stealing things from the ghost hunters when they clearly had made and marketed things that stop and keep out ghosts? Phantom needed someone who could actually grab the stuff he needed, to get through the shields… someone(s) who were on the inside, and given how Danny would sometimes meekly defend Phantom, or how Jazz would sometimes ‘trip up’ her parents when they were going after Phantom, well…

Yeah, she really was blinded by her own rage and prejudices… Star was right on that, she supposed… too pinpointed on the small things that were pissing her off the most to focus on the bigger picture going on around her…

She shook her head before burying it in her hands. Ugh, stupid ghost making her question herself.

Phantom sighed and handed the phone back to her instructing her to tuck it away again. Curious she flipped it open and stared at the passcode ask that popped up. She didn’t even think flip phones had passcodes but whatever. She tried to make it look like she was playing with the phone flipping it and closing it, rather than actually trying to snoop… though the scoff from Phantom told her the ruse was pointless. She sighed and put the phone back where she found it. 

Phantom had started grumbling about something under his breath earning a look of confusion from Valerie, though it didn’t take long for her to see what it was he was upset about, as he was trying to get the board to go. Valerie knew she should probably help him but at the same time, she was all too content to simply sit here and sulk.

It was a scream from somewhere below that snapped her from her spiralling thoughts of self depreciation. She instantly noticed two things; firstly how low her glow had become around her arms when she found a particular interest in the stitching in the gloves Phantom wore… and secondly, the scream was almost like a beacon to her, calling her out of her thoughts and making her want to go. 

She felt anxious and antsy all of a sudden like she had to go somewhere, but couldn't. Like when one has to pee really bad but it's during a test, that split if need to go need to stay...she didn't know how to get Phantom's flight to work for her, but she wanted to figure out what the screaming was about… 

Her legs jostle and bounce as she tries to quell the nervous energy she feels building. Why was she suddenly feeling this way? She steals a glance at Phantom, snorting when she sees him trying to unstick himself from the board but another scream for help pulls her attention back to the ground below. 

She could taste the frustration from Phantom and given his growls towards the board he was standing on it was obvious where that was from, but it sort of irked her that he had no urgency about him. Couldn't he hear the screams why weren't they helping!? She had to help! She knew she could so she should! She HAD to even if she didn't know how to help she HAD to… she was compelled to.

"What are you doing? There are people who need help!" She spat feeling her agitation and anxiety rise. Phantom looked to her dumbly before looking down to the ground and noticing the chaos. “Huh…” He said simply eyes lazily roaming the crowd. 

“What do you mean ‘huh?’ This is serious!” Valerie didn’t know why but she felt so much like a caged cat right now wanting to get at some prey that was just beyond her reach. She was almost positive that if she could she would be pacing back and forth on that board.

Phantom watched her twitching, her glow brightening and dimming and her anxiousness that made her look like she was getting ready to jump off this board, damned be the consequences, and he slowly felt a smirk form on his face much to the agitation of the huntress currently in his body. “It’s interesting, I mean… I’m watching this and well, I’m doing what you’re doing… it’s almost a relief” He chuckled dryly. “Jeez, guess I’m really not as much of a hero as I thought I was…” He says almost sadly before running a hand through his, her, hair. 

“Phantom now is not the time to be cryptic! There are people down there who need …. Help…” Her anger suddenly ebbed away as she realized just what Phantom was getting at. How many times had the ghost told her that he just wanted to help? He always had a desperate insanity to his voice when he was tied down by her or some other ghost and he frantically would do anything he could to get out there to HELP.  

“That’s your obsession, isn’t it... “ She clutched at Phantom’s jumpsuit over the ache in her chest where she could feel the ghostly core vibrating violently demanding retribution. It physically hurt, made her want to throw up and she knew the only thing to stop that feeling was to help. 

Perhaps that’s why he was always involved, it was exactly the reason he said it was... He literally had no choice but to help when he saw something he could do… Was that why he was often seen helping out with inane tasks? Carrying things for people rescuing people… hell even rescuing a balloon from a tree for a little kid… He was literally trapped in an endless cycle.

Perhaps her earlier ideas of Phantom wanting to help because he didn’t get help when he needed it most wasn’t so far off. But feeling this now, in his body… it was awful to think that if she had gotten herself killed while chasing Phantom or some other ghost, she would be trapped in a similar cycle, but be even less noble… not to say Phantom was noble but that her ‘quest’ was rather unnoble. 

“Yeah…  guess it is…” Phantom answered sourly as he stared down at the chaos. He wanted to be a hero, he thought he was, he was helping people, saving people, after all right? Though thinking about this revelation…? It seemed to sour the point of him being a hero. If he wasn’t making the choice to help and to save people but being forced to do it… Was he really a hero?

His shoulders slumped as he watched the ghosts attack below. Even still now, he could make the choice right? He may not have his usual repertoire of powers he was used to but Red still had her suit, the suit he was currently occupying.

And looking to the huntress in his body he couldn't help but smirk. At least she would finally be more focused on saving people than shooting him. "Like a skateboard ya said right?" He asked, suddenly earning a bewildered look from the huntress. 

She caught on quickly though, the small smirk appeared on her lips though it looked more conniving on Danny's face. "Yeah, and you think about the guns you want to will them out of the cybernetics." She added.

"For Ectoblasts, do you feel that cold spot in your chest, my chest?" At her nod, he continues. "Force that out and down your arm, gather it in your palm and let it go." He explained eyes narrowing.

Valerie caught on and nodded. "I'll take the left side you take right?" She asked eagerly, wanting to help the people below, not caring that she would be working with Phantom to get it done.

He was making a choice this time. Even if it wasn't him who would be hailed as the hero, given his current attire and whatnot but he wasn't being forced to make this decision. That had to count for something right? 

He grunted as he fumbled around his head trying to put the helmet back up over his head. It takes him a few moments but he was able to get it eventually. He gives a nod and after a few experimental wiggles, he manages to get the hoverboard to sputter forward. He manages to move a little smoother by the time he gets closer to the ground willing out a blaster, he was hoping for something with a little more oomph but well, a wrist blaster worked too he supposed. He sees an ant ghost and fires, following up with more and more taking care of all in his sightlines. He gives a small "sorry!" As he almost knocks someone over but otherwise he seemed to be getting somewhere. 

Valerie on the other hand had stood up into a sort of half crouch and was frantically waving her arm around trying to build the power in her blast hoping she could manage at least one shot. With a growl, she manages to get her hand to glow a bit green, which was progress, but not enough to create an effective attack. She shook her hand again, smacking her wrist a bit as though it were a buggy flashlight, before she was able to send out something a little more decent.

“Heh got ya!” She called out grinning at her mitt of ectoplasm, She may have only burned a hole through a street sign but hey, she got a hit on something so she was still going to count it as a win. “Over here!” Danny perked up hearing Jazz call pointing to the ghost catcher 1.0. Suppose it was better than nothing. He hoped it would do to only have themselves go through the catcher again and not have to recreate the whole process because, ow. The ghost turned huntress pitched a bit sharply earning a growling reprimand from Valerie, though it was quickly rectified by him blasting an ant ghost that was getting ready to jump at them. 

It let out a horrid caterwauling noise, something that made their ears ring from the sound, “Ugh that’s worse than your screaming.” Phantom commented wincing a bit behind the visor, sighing in relief when the noise went silent.

“Ugh, really?” Valerie shot back though she could just make out the playful smirk that was showing on his face. Valerie opened her mouth to retort only to yelp as they pitched a hard right turn and went skyward. She didn’t need to ask why as the large queen ant ghost emerged from the ground. 

The thing was as tall as a small building and as long as a transport truck. And the thing let out a wail that sounded like a mix of a lion and a hog squealing. “Well… That’s bigger than I thought it would be... “ Phantom said with a frown. “I don’t know if I can beat this thing in your body… We gotta get to that catcher!” He called.

The ant queen let out another roar and sent a bit of... Acidic goo... Vomit... stuff towards them. Valerie didn’t want to think too hard on it. Honestly, it looked like ecto snot but came out of what she hoped was the and queens mouth… “Ugh nasty.” She complained watching as the wad of snot sailed over them and into a building, melting it a bit. 

“Yeah, let’s not get hit by that…” Phantom agreed, watching the brick melt away. “I need shields and you need to get your guns back.” He said scanning the ground around the queen to search for where the Catcher had landed. 

“There!” Valerie seemed to catch on to what he was looking for and pointed it out spotting it first. At least they were in agreement on the fact they needed to swap back sooner rather than later.

Phantom leaned forward urging the board on towards the catcher hoping they would manage it in one swoop. Alas, it was not to be as the queen jumped into the air up at them, let out a roar before massive wings sprouted from her back smacking Danny and Valerie off the board, the electromagnetic functions in the huntresses suit doing nothing against the force of that hit. 

They plummet downwards and Phantom tries to call out to the board but it doesn’t come for him. “Valerie fly!” He tries desperately, staring down to the fastly approaching ground. “Will yourself to fly!” 

Valerie gasped out herself grunting as Danny flailed her body about before managing to cling to her. “I’m trying!” She shoots back angrily. She lets out a whine and closes her eyes in concentration before the glow around the ghostly body flares and they level out and tip upwards, earning a whoop of delight from Phantom. 

“Head for the Catcher!” Phantom tells her.

“Again I’m trying you ectoplasmic pice of-”

Whatever she was going to say was cut off as they, by some miracle, had managed to head straight through the catcher. The pairs’ screams mix together and they end up on a heap on the other side with Jazz blinking down at them. “Did it work?” The ginger teen asked.

“Ow... Jazz?” Danny grumbled out. He raised a hand to his head to rub at his forehead and gave a pained whooped when he was able to see the glowing glove at the end of his limb. He offers a half hearted smile up to his sister before glaring at the queen who was being distracted by Sam and Tucker from wherever they had found cover in the nearby broken buildings.  

“I got better at aiming I guess?” Jazz offered to give a hand to help up her half ghost brother. “I moved the Catcher to um, Catch you. I’m glad you didn’t smash into the metal siding, that would have hurt…” 

“Thanks, Jazz I owe ya one,” Phantom says with a nod. “Get anyone who’s not protected out of here!” And with that Phantom flew off to attack the Queen ant.

Valerie was quick to pick herself back up and tar off after Phantom. “This is a temporary truce I hope you know!” She calls as she catches her board and flies off after the ghost, though even as she said it lacked her usual vitreal. 

Thankfully once they were back in their own skin they made short work of the queen ant ghost, and even managed to not cause too much more property damage. 

As Danny caps the thermos, he side eyes the Red huntress next to him in the air and offers the teen a hesitant hand. “I’m not gonna ask you to forgive me again but… maybe hesitant colleagues?”

Red eyed the ghost before her, his hesitant but hopeful smile that didn’t quite hide the worry and fear behind his eyes struck her more than anything. She used to think he was simply good at mimicking emotions but now… having felt them being him, herself? Well… she supposed the saying is true that you really can’t understand someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. His emotions felt real, on both sides she could taste the ones he was putting through her body, She felt pain when she was slapped by him… And she was finally able to see him as just another teen that was in over his head…. Dog ruining her life or not, though looking back on it now she had to admit it was something she was thankful for in a way.

She would see Paulina and her A list brainless wonders and know she used to be one of them. Caring too much about the wrong things and ruled by money in a way… Now? She knew she had to work to get anywhere, people liked her for her, not just her status and well… She had a purpose she could be proud of now.

“Yeah, Colleagues sounds like a good start… But step even a toe outta line and I will smear your ectoplasmic innards all over town.” Valerie threatened though she was teasing Phantom still grimaced as she grasped his hand. “Eh, I think I’ll take that…” he replied somewhat nervously.

“Good. Also… Maybe since you have one, I should give you my cell number… Case you ever need more than just some inventions as a backup.” 

Phantom visibly brightened at that his glow got brighter and he grinned. “Yeah, that’d be perfect actually! Maybe we can trade off patrol routes and stuff too? Give each other a night off once in a while? I know you work so… ya know…?” 

Valerie snorted but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless. She looks around before pulling a random piece of paper from off of the ground and using some piece of charcoal from who knows what that exploded she managed to scribble down her number. 

Phantom bit his tongue as he almost told her he had her number already, or that if he needed it he could easily get it with Tucker’s help but that wouldn’t do him any good now. He made it this far without blowing his secret, he wasn’t about to blow it on something stupid like this! 

Though it did make him wonder why Valerie hadn’t changed back to Fanton at all accidentally. He sure as hell did constantly when he first started out, it was a nightmare and resulted in far more detentions than he would have liked… Well, maybe she just didn’t think it was a possibility? He didn’t want to think too hard on that right now honestly, it brought with it too many questions. 

He took the paper from the huntress when she offered it and nodded to her in thanks. “See ya around ghost brat.” She said, almost endearingly before speeding off, no doubt to sleep. 

Phantom watches her go a moment before heading off on his own way back towards where his friends were waiting for him. Oh they had angry looks didn’t they, fun… 

He had a hell of an experience to tell, and some things he wanted to get advice on… he hated being the embodiment of an existential crisis all the time, but hey, at least it was interesting right? 

He just hoped Val keeps her new attitude. He’d rather work with her than have to dodge her blasts all the time after all…. And a few nights off here and there sounded wonderful.

Only time will tell, he supposed. 

-.-.-.-.-.-.- Complete

Total word count: 8875

[seertale]

Talking colors: PaperJam(PJ). Omni. Killer. Nightmare. Dream. Cross. Ink. Error. Stain. Hope. Fade.

Call It A Game Night.

They decided to have a game night together.  It had been forever since they’d last done so, so they figured it’d be a good idea.  Ink was helping Error set up the first board game, Life.  Dream and Nightmare were working on some food while Cross was looking for some other games stored in the attic.  They were in Nightmare and Killer’s mansion.  Stain came in with some nerf guns, Hope in tow with Fade, and an armful of bottles of alcohol.  Fade had their own armful, mainly because they owned the most alcohol and would be able to help everyone find something they liked.  They set everything on the kitchen counter and Fade made sure they had all the alcohol they’d brought.

“How much did you need?”

“It’s fine, I have a lot.  Besides, I know everyone’s tastes vary.  Do you want help with that food?”

Nightmare nodded, moving to let Fade join in helping them cook.

“Sometimes, I’m surprised that you became a rock star instead of a chef.”

“Well, do you blame me?  I picked up my first electric guitar at 12, I think I’d like to learn how to play it.”

“Whatever.  How are the spouses doing?”

“They’re doing good.  Nel’s out helping shop for baby stuff while I’m here.  I hope she doesn’t cook.”

“Why would you hope your wife doesn’t cook?”

“Have you seen how badly she burns her food?”

Nightmare just chuckled as he plated what he was working on and brought it out to the living room.  He set it on the big buffet table they’d set up for the game night.  As soon as Ink saw the food, he moved to take a bite.  Despite their past, he couldn’t help still being on good terms with Nightmare and would definitely admit to how good he thought Nightmare’s cooking was.

“Oh my god, Night, this is so good.”

Nightmare passed it off with a wave of his hand, “Just wait until Fade brings their food out.  They’re a better cook than I am.”

“Still.  This is really, really good.”

“Ya, ya, I know.”

Dream came out with his food next.  He’d spent all day roasting a ham since he knew how hungry everyone got while drunk.  Cross came down after with a few more games and, after setting them next to the now set out Life, moved to hug Dream.  Dream giggled a bit and hugged him back.

“Hey, Love.”

“Hi.  Having fun?”

“Oh, plenty.  Wanna try the ham?”

“Sure.”

Dream picked up a fork, taking a piece of ham and feeding it to Cross, who immediately hummed in appreciation, “That’s really good.”

“You think all my cooking is good.”

“Ya, but this is really good too.”

He giggled a bit before Cross led him over to the game table.  Fade was coming out with their food.  Stain and Hope had already sat down.

“Alright, who wants something to drink while we wait for arntul Omni and PJ?”

Multiple hands went up and Fade asked them what they thought they wanted before grabbing them.  They grabbed wine and whiskey glasses and poured things accordingly.  Killer quickly came with some cases of beer and set them down next to the game table.

“Sorry it took so long, a Karen was arguing with the shopkeep.”

“It’s alright.  Sit, Fade’s getting us some alcohol.”

Killer nodded and sat next to Nightmare, opening himself a can of beer as Fade started bringing drinks out.  Once everyone had their drinks, they took a quick portal to their house and came back with an alcohol-smoked turkey, just as PJ and Omni arrived.

“Oh, just in time.  We were just about to start,” Killer was shuffling the different decks of cards. “Want anything to drink?”

Omni shook their head, though looked at PJ.

“A beer for now, please.”

Killer nodded and got PJ a beer from the case.  They cracked it open as they sat and Omni moved to get a large plate of food for them both.  Fade sat down next to their adoptive dad, Stain.

“Ok, so we got the expansion pack so we could all play.  Everyone chooses a color.”

They gradually chose their own colors and started the game.

~~~

Everyone but Ink and Omni were at least somewhat inebriated by the time they finished playing Life.  Ink not being inebriated was a bit strange, seeing as he’d had at least fifteen beers and three glasses of whiskey.  Omni hadn’t drunk anything but they did munch.  PJ was leaning against them, waiting for the next game.  Stain, who'd already finished his last turn, was working on the next activity.  Dream seemed the drunkest, but he hadn't passed out yet, so it was probably fine.  After a moment, Stain came back with nerf pistols.

"There's enough for everyone to have one.  Who wants to play nerf hide and seek tag?"

Everyone was immediately in agreement.

"Alright, so someone is the seeker and carries a nerf pistol.  Every time a seeker finds someone, they need to be shot by the seeker or they aren't tagged.  If they are tagged, they then become a seeker too.  Anywhere is free game for hiders.  Who wants to seek first?"

Nightmare raised his hand.

"Alright," Stain handed him a nerf pistol and set the rest on the table. "If you become a seeker, pick one up.  Pops, count to 60."

Nightmare nodded and closed his eyes.  Shuffling could be heard.  Cross currently had his husband on his back, carrying him to a closet on the highest floor.  All the kids Nightmare had were being watched by Red and Blue at Ink's mansion since it had a surplus of rooms.  They had plenty of rooms.  He took Dream into the farthest room from the staircase, carefully setting him down in the walk-in closet.

"Alright, Dreamy.  You've gotta stay quiet or they'll find you."

"Is that bad…?"

"No, but you'll lose the game."

He nodded with a small giggle and Cross closed the door, going to find his own place to hide.

~~~

Knowing his husband really well, Nightmare was able to find Killer first.  He was hiding in the library, small enough to fit in the shadows of one of the towering shelves.  Nightmare just examined the shelves, debating on which one Killer was resting on, before letting off a bullet at random.  He heard a small, boney thunk and a whisper of an ow.

"Got you."

"Fine, you got me."

Killer started to climb down.  Nightmare moved a tentacle to help him.  He couldn't have his husband getting hurt.  Not since he was the only doctor that could fix him immediately.

"Alright, go grab a pistol."

Killer nodded and ran off.

~~~

Stain took a deep breath as he finally situated himself with Hope.  They were hiding in the tub in one of the bathrooms and it was obvious Stain may have to carry Hope once they were found.  Hope, having lower magic, was much more affected by alcohol, so even just a can was pretty much half a bottle of whiskey to him.

When Killer inevitably pulled the curtain back to reveal the two, he immediately became a put worried, seeing as Hope was heavily passed out against Stain.

“We should be alright… we can get him on the couch and we can get him water when he wakes…”

Killer nodded, simply shooting Stain and running off to continue what he was doing.

~~~

He quietly padded down the hall, pistol in his hand.  Out of all the places he would know Fade would hide, he could not, for the life of himself, find his adopted child.  Stain guessed he would have to look in different places.  His first place of search?  The kitchen.  Fade always loved the kitchen and, with how small they were, he wouldn’t doubt they’d shoved themselves in the pantry.  He took a quick peek… only to find out he was wrong.  They weren’t hiding in the pantry.  So then where were they?

They couldn’t fit in any cupboards.  But Stain’s partially inebriated mind definitely thought so, and he started searching the cupboard like he was raiding the kitchen.  Fade was in the cupboards!  Specifically, the cupboards under the sink.  Fade had moved it all to a separate cupboard and squeezed themselves in.  Stain quickly shot them and moved to help them out.

“How did you fit in there?”

“I’ve always been small.”

"Still.  Wow."

They just nodded and went to get a nerf pistol.

~~~

In the meantime, Killer had found PJ and Omni.  It hadn't been hard, since Omni had agreed to make out in the room they were hiding in while waiting.  Now, they were teamed and hunting for others.  Their first go-to would've been Ink since he was usually easy to find depending on the person.  But even then, years of Ink having learned how to hide made him even more dangerous for the seeker.  They paused their search for him when they heard a yell and realized that it probably wasn't a good idea for Ink to be hiding from Nightmare.  They quickly followed the yell.

Nightmare had Ink restrained, mostly because Ink had gone defensive and currently had his hatchet in his hand.  He was struggling to be let go and PJ set their pistol down to comfort their dad.

"Dad, calm down.  It's ok.  It's just hide-and-seek.  No one's gonna hurt you."

"H-How do you kn-know…?"

"Has Nightmare actually hurt you…?"

That's right.  It was Nightmare.  Not Dark.  He hadn't been hurt.  It was just a game.  Ink took in a breath and Nightmare carefully set him down.

"Sorry…"

"It's ok… I'm just… not gonna play for now…"

Nightmare nodded and PJ picked their pistol up again, going with Omni and Nightmare to find the last ones hiding.

~~~

Error now knew why Ink always felt so safe hiding under the bed whenever he got scared.  It was small and cozy and it would be hard to get him out without lifting the bed or him getting out himself.  Despite that, he held his breath when he heard a couple of sets of footsteps and a door open.  Someone was searching the room for him.  It was Stain and Fade.  There was the sound of something being set on the desk in the room before the bed creaked, being lifted up.

"Good morning," a nerf bullet hit him smack-dab in the forehead and he giggled a bit, moving to carefully push himself out.

"Why hello there."

"Did you sleep well?"

Error stood, "Very."

"Dad's downstairs on the couch next to Hope.  Otherwise, we found Cross and we're gonna gang up on Dream."

"I think I'll go to Inky.  What happened?"

"Got a bit scared by Pops, but he's ok."

Error nodded and went to find Ink.

~~~

Nightmare put a finger to his lips as Cross led the way.  They were all locked and loaded.  Once they got to the room, Cross went over to the walk-in closet door.  He put his hand on the handle and carefully ripped it open.  They were all quickly met with Dream's shrieking laughter as they fired everything at him.  Once they were all out of bullets, Cross moved to check on him while the others picked up the bullets.  He pulled Dream gently against his chest and Dream started to drift to sleep.  He hadn't had alcohol in forever, so it wasn't surprising.

He picked up his husband and took him downstairs to rest.  Error and Ink had set up Monopoly while waiting.  Cross sat at the table, holding Dream in his lap.  After a minute, everyone else took their spots to play.  Killer made sure Hope had something to drink upon waking.  Dream had easily fallen asleep against Cross.  Cross just smiled as they played.

~

Dream was passed out for about an hour before he started to wake up a bit.  The game was still going and he seemed confused since Killer was now yelling at PJ for making him go bankrupt.  Ink laughed a bit from next to Error.

“Monopoly, the game that tears families apart.”

Dream giggled a bit and Cross looked down at him.

“Well, hello there, Dreamy.  Sleep good?”

Dream nodded and moved to get up.  He was kinda hungry.  Cross let him stand, watching him go over to the food table and get himself some turkey.  He seemed content as he sat down again, this time next to Cross, and ate.  Once he was done, he went to put his dishes in the sink and seemed to just completely disappear.  Cross was a bit concerned but kept playing.

~

15 minutes after Dream disappeared, he came back, holding one of the nerf pistols.  He pointed it at Nightmare, the banker.

“Gimme the money.”

Ink was starting to laugh.  Nightmare didn’t respond at first, earning him a nerf bullet to the nose.

“I said gimme.”

Once Nightmare seemed to process what Dream meant by money, Nightmare took a one-dollar monopoly bill and gave it to Dream.  Dream pretty much threw the pistol down.

“Crossy, we’re rich now!”

Ink burst out laughing and Cross stood, hugging Dream.

“That’s great, Dreamy.  Now, why don’t we get you some water and go home?”

“Ok!”

~

This is based on a roleplay with @star-gamerxox

It was an idea we came up with but never got to inact so I had some fun(it's 2206 words, fite me-). It's been in the works for well over two weeks.

Credits:

Nightmare and Dream belong to (insert name everyone knows and I don't wanna say)

Cross belongs to jakie95

Error belongs to loverofpiggies

Ink blongs to comyet

Omni belongs to cereusblue

PaperJam belongs to 7goodangel

Killer belongs to rahafwabas

Hope belongs to pepper-mint

Stain belongs to nimaruu

Fade(a technical fusion but not quite) belongs to me(seertale)

Nel(laya) is the wife in Fade's poly, mentioned as the one they hope doesn't cook, and belongs to @star-gamerxox

[noodlyvan]

PharmaxRatchet hate fuck?

Warnings: not so great (hate-)sex and also mentions of Tarnma, you have been warned

“You know, if ithad been up to me, we would have left you on Messatine.”Pharmadid not grace Ratchet with even a glance, instead staring at thestumps that had once been attached to his hands. The same handsRatchet now used. Sure, he deserved some kind of punishment for whathe had done on Messatine, but this? This was beyond a cruel joke. Andthat was why Pharma reacted in the only way that felt familiar, bydoing his damnedest to make Ratchet’s life harder.“They placed youin my care because I’m the best at handling you and First Aid andAmbulon don’t even want to see you after what you did to them.”Pharma still didn’tlook at Ratchet. Thinking about it, they hadn’t even bothered to cuffhis arms, knowing he would be unable to do anything useful withouthands.“What I did tothem? You mean keeping them alive? Surely, that must have been sotraumatizing.”“Don’t play dumb,Pharma.” Ratchet’s shadow blocked out the light in his cell andthis time, Pharma did look up but made no attempt to move. He wasquite comfortable on his new berth, actually.The sight of hishands attached to Ratchet made him want to gag. They didn’t belongthere. Ratchet didn’t deserve such high precision tools when the oldfool was inferior to him in every conceivable way.“I’m just sayingthat it was my sacrifice that kept Messatine going as long as it did.But it wouldn’t have lasted forever. It couldn’t. You weren’t there,Ratchet. You have no right to claim knowing what would have been bestbetter than me. Aside from that, the notion that you’re best athandling me is a pretty funny joke, you haven’t “handled” me incenturies.”Pharma couldn’t helpbut grin now. Someone who knew Ratchet less well would not notice anychange in that grumpy face but he knew when that scowl becameserious. It had only taken him a minute or two, too. It was almosttoo easy. Pharma stretched and put his crossed arms beneath his head,nearly missing Ratchet’s answer because he was just too busy beingsmug.“And yourDecepticon? Did he “handle” you?”“Low blow,Ratchet, even for you. But if you really want to know… those handsyou stole from me have been all over him and inside him already. Ican tell you in detail where exactly.”“Save it.”Ah, another tinyshift. Was Ratchet disgusted perhaps? Good. Served him right forstealing his hands. Maybe he could get him so grossed out that hewould give him back his hands willingly. Wouldn’t that just behilarious?“I’m not the onlyone who developed a taste for Decepticons. Did you touch yourboyfriend with those hands, knowing that they were mine and that Ihad them inside the leader of the DJD’s valve? Or do you touchyourself at night pretending it’s my touch because you just miss methat much?”A hand – his hand– was on his throat. His grin widened as he stared up at Ratchet,drinking in the anger. It had been so easy. Pharma couldn’t help butshudder at all of this raw feeling being directed at him. It was morethan he had gotten from Ratchet in so long.“What is it? Thisis the second time you fail to kill me in such a short time-span.Don’t tell me you have gone soft.”“You don’tactually want to die.”“Hm, true. But Iwon’t die from you cutting the energon flow to my brainmodule for abit. Did you spend too much time around organics? I always knew thathanging around Prime isn’t good for you and I was right, you-”“You talk toomuch.”He actually hadn’tanticipated this. He had expected Ratchet to leave and not return fordays. Or getting punched in the face. But instead, Ratchet’s mouthwas on his. He couldn’t call this kissing because there was nothingtender or passionate about it. Ratchet was just trying to make himshut up and bite him as viciously as he could while he was at it.Pharma moaneddespite this sudden turn of events. It had taken him so long tobanish Ratchet from his thoughts but now, here, it all came floodingback and Pharma would take anything he could get. It didn’t matterwhat kind of feeling this was, how ugly and twisted. All thatmattered that it was there.It didn’t take longfor Ratchet to realize what he was doing and jump back in shock likean embarrassed virgin. Pharma only chuckled and licked the energonoff his lips. His energon. Who would have guessed that the old mechstill had it in him?“That- I didn’t-”“Oh but you did,Ratchet, old friend. Look what you did to me.” If only he could getRatchet to snap a second time, get him to throw the rest of hiscontrol overboard, then… then what? Pharma wasn’t sure but itdidn’t matter. He spread his legs, opened his panels and gave Ratchetthe lewdest show he could manage in his current state. “Won’t youhelp me with this? You can be rough if you want. I know you want to.”He actually didn’tknow but hoped that this was enough. If Ratchet left him here itwould be rather awkward to come down from this arousal with no hands.Ratchet’s gazeflickered between him and his hands. A dark shadow spread over hisface. “It is quite unfair that you are at my mercy like this, isn’tit? It would be cruel not to help you.”Maybe, somewhereinside that twisted processor, Ratchet had decided he would take hisfrustrations out on Pharma on some other way if he couldn’t kill him.And Pharma couldn’t be happier until Ratchet reached for his wing andpinched the tip none-too-gently.“OW! Not- not thewing!”“Oh but I rememberhow sensitive your wings are.” This time it was Ratchet’s turn togrin. “You were so embarrassed when I teased them.” He continueto pinch it, shoving his free hand right between Pharma’s legs to pawat his valve in a rather unceremonious manner. Pharma didn’t evencare right now.“Oh come onRatchet, I’m not getting any wetter than this. Not for a phase-outmodel like you, at least.”Ratchet huffed inthat old-mech way of his but seemed to get the hint. He let go of thewing and the valve and instead climbed onto the berth, positioninghimself between Pharma’s legs. If Pharma still had hands, he wouldhave pulled Ratchet close but as it was, he could only touch him withhis stumps, hoping that Ratchet felt as ill as he did while watchinghis own hands being used by another mech.It didn’t take longfor that violent kiss to return but this time it was accompanied byan uncomfortable stretch in his valve that came much too fast andwithout warning.Fuck, it was bad. Itwas so bad. Pharma loved it. He reveled in the burn, craved the painin his lip, the movements that gave him barely any pleasure. He lovedit because he hated Ratchet but needed Ratchet to give him something,anything to hold onto. He wrapped his legs around Ratchet’s hips andmoaned muffled pleas into Ratchet’s mouth to take him harder. Givehim more of that amazingly uncomfortable feeling before his valvecould get used to it.It hadn’t been likethis before. Ratchet used to know his sensitive places and how tomanipulate them. He had been good and Pharma had believed it wouldalways be this way. Reality was so painful. But maybe, maybe he couldconvince himself that Ratchet had always been like this. That he hadnever been able to please Pharma properly. That thought feltstrangely freeing.What a violent dancethis had become. At least, that was how Tarn would call it. Ah, Tarn.There was someone he actually missed. Someone who would please him.And that was all it took to make his valve wetter. Pharma gasped.Well, this certainly was a smoother slide now. Ratchet didn’t fillhim quite as nicely and also didn’t bother to angle his thrustsproperly. All Pharma could go was hang on for the ride and goadRatchet further whenever his mouth was free.“Is that how youplease your boyfriend? The poor mech. Maybe – ah! - maybe I shouldfrag him instead. You can even watch if you want to.”He couldn’t help butwonder if Ratchet even felt good of if he was just taking out hisfrustration on Pharma. Oh, how incredibly funny the second optionwould be. Both of them, united after so long, and neither having fun.With how strained Ratchet looked, it seemed to be an actualpossibility.Pharma almost wantedto laugh when he was suddenly flipped over – a surprising show ofstrength from the old mech – and got a face full of pillow as hishead was pressed down. Ratchet shoved his spike back into him,ignoring Pharma’s muffled sounds and thrusting mercilessly onceagain. This angle was better actually, and Pharma started to get offon it, just a little bit. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t take anyopportunity he got to antagonize Ratchet though.“Ng, Ratchet, haveyou discovered your… violent side? You frag rougher than aDecepticon.” The only answer he got was a painful slap on the aft.Ah, so that was why Ratchet had chosen this position.It felt good now butPharma didn’t get far before he felt Ratchet overload behind him. Heremembered it very well, how Ratchet’s rhythm would always falter andsputter, just before he came. How he would stop instead of fuckinghim through it, only a few small aborted thrusts while he emptiedhimself. Pharma shuddered but didn’t overload. He was left needy andunsatisfied as Ratchet pulled out. A frustrated groan left him,muffled by his pillow.“Really? You gothrough all the trouble to frag me and then leave me hanging afterall? That defeats the entire purpose of-”“You talk toomuch, again.”Pharma recognized the feeling of his own handon his node. Though this time, it felt different, strange. It wasrough, just like Ratchet’s spike had been but Pharma welcomed it andmoaned for Ratchet until he pulled into him into a too-roughoverload. His valve clenched on nothing and he could feel somethingwet slowly drip out of him. Gross. But he was too tired to care. Theoverload hadn’t been great but the afterglow sure was.It actually took hima few moments to realize Ratchet had left. Typical. He never stayed.Tarn would have held him afterwards and would have made sure to cleanPharma off or offer him a shower in the morning.Ah, maybe, when hefell asleep, he would dream of those times.

[halfthebattle]

Why I was gone for 3 months

Hello!

First of all, Happy New Year!! Allow me to begin this blog post by welcoming my new readers. Here’s a hug for all of youuuu. >:D< I am in shock that I still gain followers despite being inactive for the last couple of months. Nevertheless, I am deeply grateful and appreciative for the messages I’ve been receiving from both of my old and new readers. Thank you all so much for the concern. I know my last post was very alarming. It was wrong of me to leave you guys hanging without any explanation. But here I am. I hope you are ready for another life update from me and I also hope that you forgive me for not replying. I promise that I’ll reply, please just give me some more time. I rarely open my Tumblr app, and if I do, I just want to stay quiet for a while.

You see, I just couldn’t bring myself to blog for the last three to four months even though I really wanted to. I guess I was waiting for all the frustrations, anger, and pain to subside a little bit before I could share what happened. When I first started my Tumblog, I wanted it to be platform for my mental condition – you know, how I break down occasionally, how I have depressive and manic episodes so that others will be aware of the life that people who are mentally ill are experiencing. I didn’t want to share too much about anything from my personal life – family life and love life (haha!). But right now, I feel like I need to share some so that you would know why I was gone for months.

I was busy healing, and I am still busy healing now. I just got out of an almost 5-year relationship with my first love last October 27, 2018. I want to share the reason why we broke up, but I don’t want my first ever blog post about him to be so negative so that you guys won’t have an ugly or bad impression on him. For him, the reason of the break-up is “just a big misunderstanding”, but to me, it was so much more than that. After a week or two, I still fought for the relationship, but I guess he just saw how stubborn and hard-headed I was for begging him to talk things out with me. I admit that this is not the first break-up that the two of us had, but damn, if I knew it would be this serious and difficult this time, I would’ve prevented the small break-ups from the past. Kasi sa totoo lang, sisiw lang pala ‘yung mga ‘yun. I think I was so foolish before to say, “Pagod na ako. Ayoko na.” kasi kung tutuusin, looking back ha, mas kaya ko pa pala ‘yung mga ‘yun kaysa sa ngayon. Noon na sinabi kong pagod na ‘ko, na hindi ko na kaya, parang gusto kong i-take back lahat, kasi walang wala pala ‘yung mga ‘yun kumpara sa ngayon. Gusto kong ibalik yung oras para sabihin na, “Hindi, kaya ko pa. Kaya pa natin ‘to eh. Tara, ayusin natin ‘to. Pagsubok lang ‘to.” Pero ayun, tama nga ang sabi nila, nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

I couldn’t say that I have no one to blame but me, because in my perspective, he was the one who made the wrong choice or wrong move that led us to the break-up – I was only one of the factors that influenced his choice. I guess it’s safe to say that we both screwed and messed up so bad that we were left with no other choice but to end the relationship. We were already toxic to each other, and we weren’t growing anymore. Maybe, right now, we need some time and space away from each other so that we would be able to find ourselves and be whole again. We need to heal. We need to grow apart so that if ever there will come a time when we’ll get back with each other, we’ve already become matured enough for a serious, committed, loving and responsible relationship.

It took us a lot of twists and turns and hurtful failures to make me realize that I’m still not ready to be in a relationship because I, alone, don’t even know how to love myself. But what bothers me about it is that, even before we became a couple, I already warned him that I am not whole, that I am broken, that I do not like myself and when we were already a couple, he told me that he’d love me enough for the both of us, and that love is still aside from the love he alone has for me. Kumbaga, siya ang magpupunan ng kulang na pagmamahal ko para sa sarili ko at dagdag pa roon yung pagmamahal na mayroon siya para sa akin. We were both young and I believed him back then. But it was wrong. I shouldn’t have relied on to his words. I shouldn’t have relied on to him for a love that I cannot give myself. I shouldn’t have ‘obligated’ him or ‘made him responsible’ for the love that I owe to myself.

Another thing that hurts me is that after the break-up, I felt like I was hard to love, na walang tatagal na relationship sa akin kasi mentally ill ako. It pains me to see myself as someone who’s hard to be with that the thought of it made me want to ready myself for growing old alone. You know, tatandang dalaga. Haha.

After the break-up, I did all sorts of things to distract myself and while I know that blogging must be one of those things, I felt like it would only make me remember about what happened. Don’t get me wrong – I want to write about him because it helps but being finally able to write about him in a long post like this gives me all sorts of emotion that I didn’t want to add up to what I’ve already been feeling.

Last November 03, 2018, it was his first birthday in years that I didn’t get to celebrate with him. I wanted to surprise him, because I’m that type of girl – full of ideas and surprises, but I grew weak already. I thought, “What for?”. That’s why I only wrote him a letter instead. A long one. A twelve-page letter to be specific. I poured my heart out to it, but I feel like there’s so much more to tell him.

We still see each other at church and there was this one time before the year ended that his family invited me over dinner because his mom went home from Saudi. I joined them for dinner, but we were not talking to each other the whole time. His family felt like my second home, but damn, that night, my heart was breaking. Napamahal na ako sa pamilya niya at tinuring ko ng mga kapatid ko mga kapatid niya kaya ang hirap.

This year’s New Year celebration was also the first time in years that we are not together anymore. I can still remember that we’d always send each other long and sweet messages during New Year, but while waiting for 2019, I told myself that I won’t greet him anymore because it’s better off to not include him in the year I’m about to face. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, “Ako naman.” But on 12:26 A.M. of January 01, he texted me, “Happy New Year po..”, to which I replied 20 minutes after, “Happy New Year din po.” He responded, “Salamat po.” And that was it.

Like I said, we still see each other at church every week so I got used already to the pain of seeing him from time to time. I can still remember that there were times when I felt nothing but anger, and there were times when I completely felt nothing. As in zero nothing. I became numb.

But right now, I can honestly say that I am proud that I overcame those moments. Knowing myself, I am not strong when it comes to the both of us. He’s like my strength and weakness combined into one. If I were Superman, he’d be my kryptonite. We would always see each other every day no matter how busy we were, and we’d go to church for our devotional prayer every night. During fights, I couldn’t heighten my pride for him, and I couldn’t stand not talking to him and bugging him because I loved him so dearly, so much. That’s why the pain is that strong on me, because the love I have for him is that immense. I can honestly say that this is the longest break-up I’ve survived. It was not easy. It is never easy. Pero kinakaya ko naman. At kakayanin ko pa.

Aside from the break-up, I’ve been busy with school work. This is my last semester in college and I’m hoping to graduate this March. I have a lot on my plate because we have our Strategic Financial Plan which is basically our thesis. Hindi siya ganun kadali kasi real company ang involved dito at gagawan namin sila ng 5-year financial plan based sa mga inputs na binigay nila sa amin, mainly their financial statements from 2013 to 2017.

Busy rin ako kakagala. Share ko lang: After the break-up, saka lang ako natuto mag-inom o ‘maglasing’. Oo, late bloomer na ako, pero nadiscover ko na hindi pala ako ‘yung tipo na kapag nalasing eh umiiyak. Ako yung tipo na lasing na matapang, yung walang nararamdaman, pero ako rin yung tipo na nag-eEnglish o nagiging conyo. Hahaha! Ayun, maraming ganap nung naghiwalay kami. In-enjoy ko sarili ko. I’ve also been busy taking care of myself because I believe that I owe me an apology. May mga times na sobrang sinisisi ko pa rin talaga sarili ko more than I blame my ex (it took me weeks or even a month before masanay na tawagin na siyang “ex” because I was like, “OMG, for real na ba ‘to?!” Haha). I’ve been doing all that I can so that I wouldn’t self-harm or fall into a bottomless pit of despair.

Hindi ko ma-enumerate lahat ng pinagdaanan ko. Ang alam ko lang, I’m still busy healing.

Ikaw? Kumusta ka na? Tara, kwentuhan tayo. 😊

[kekeslider]

im gonna rant about a//urance + k/ancers under the cut so just ignore me if youre not into that

i dont get how people keep saying they NEVER saw a//urance coming, and the show didnt do a good enough job building up to it, when since like season 3 k/ancers have spent half their time trying to prove a//urance wasnt endgame. no one did that with p/ance or h@nce because those werent canon threats. a//urance ALWAYS has been and k/ancers have been knowing that but after s7 proved them wrong they decide to turn around and say a//urance has no build up. and its so obnoxious looking back at how much people have changed their view of it over the past 2 years

s1-2 no one was worried about a//urance for a number of reasons. the fandom generally thought a//ura was older and probably going to end up with sh!ro (sidenote that bc of the way s1-2 characters were moved around from their 80s counterparts, v/d sha//ura was basically the same pairing as 80s ka//ura + whatever sven + rome//e’s ship name is, bc conceptually v/d a//ura combined 80s a//ura and rome//e- peaceful/diplomatic princess [a//ura] and also warrior princess [rome//e].and v/d sh!ro was given 80s ke!ths position and characterization). sha//ura was everyone’s assumed endgame, the obvious one, while they thought k/ance would be the surprise slowburn endgame. add in that a//urance looked like a finn/bubblegum kind of thing, younger boy with a big obvious crush on disinterested older girl, and that lance and ke!th had a lot of focus in s1. back then, i can understand why no one saw a//urance coming. but looking back, it looks just like kat@@ng, so maybe we should have known.

once s3 hit, after everyone found out a//ura was a teen and therefore sha//ura was super unlikely, people started being afraid of both a//urance and ka//ura, but mostly a//urance bc the fandom went hard against ka//ura based on s2 (and other nonsense i wont get into rn). this is when you start getting metas about why a//urance would be a terrible endgame, why k/ance has more going for it. people say lance was too rude and creepy towards her in s1-2 so it sends a bad message, they say a//ura isnt reciprocating. every moment between them is CLEARLY platonic, 100000 word essay about why every a//urance interaction leads to k/ance. but its ok bc even tho s3 had a//urance moments, it still had loads of k/ance interaction [everyone collectively forgot about every ke!th and a//ura interaction including myself].

then in s4 ke!th leaves. lance and ke!th barely interact, but we see a couple good a//urance interactions. from s4 on we start seeing a//urance scenes that resemble k/ance scenes-which ill get to later. the bit on naxzela kinda looks like the bonding moment- “are you okay?” but otherwise s4 doesnt have a whole lot. but s5 gives us more a//urance while ke!th is straight up gone and does not talk to the team at all, which further lessens the perceived ka//ura threat. lance and a//ura have the sword scene, mutual support, lance takes a//uras side on the lot*r problem. but s5 gave people hope for a lance arc related to the clone, which would have to involve ke!th as well, 1+1= k/ance.

then s6 is a big turn around. it starts with a//urance looking dead and buried, despite some positive a//urance moments, bc of lot*ra, and ends with yet another supportive and emotional a//urance scene. meanwhile there’s not really 1 good k/ance moment unless you go BEYOND subtext when looking at their interactions. and with no lot*r, a//urance is once again a possibility. BUT people held on so tight to the rebound argument, and a LM interview, that they STILL refused to see the a//urance build up. that’s why s7 fucked everyone up so much. literally willful blindness and people trying to meta their way out of a//urance build up, until the blushing happened and it was SO in your face you couldnt deny it.

thats the part that irks me. it’s not that a//urance had no build up, its that the entire fandom purposefully refused to see it and would write metas about how lances feelings for a//ura were still about ke!th. there WAS build up, and it was consistent, and it makes sense. if you think the s1-3 k/ance friendship building was good romantic development, you have to acknowledge that the s3-7 a//urance friendship building was too.

and look, i get it. everyone has been clinging to k/ance since before a//urance even looked possible bc v/d has shitty inconsistent writing. you dont have to like a//urance, god knows i have nitpicky things with it, but saying it has no buildup is flat out lying. you can be mad that a//urance and k/ance have similar scenes while only a//urance is romantic. you can be mad about k/ance baiting in the marketing (which isnt done by the writers or showrunners and therefore isnt their fault). you can like k/ance better for whatever your reasons are, ive never been discrete about it being my preferred ship, but taking that out on the ship itself is rude to people who DO like the ship, because it has development and is probably canon, and is also just stupid. its willful ignorance.

i have issues with the way certain a//urance things are framed, but that goes down to the v/d writers being shit at their jobs, and if you have half a brain you could tell that the same problems would plague k/ance if thats what they had written. a//urance isnt any better or worse than the rest of vo/tron. the whole show is shit and it drags what would have been good pairings down with it. i’m probably forgetting important things in this rant but im so tired. and annoyed. and i wish k/ancers had never created this weird subculture, as much as i enjoy the endless content, because it went to a very weird place. i think 90% of k/ancers ended up being part of it or bought into it just bc mob mentality and s7 was the breaking point. just open your eyes and see what is literally Right There. keep loving or shipping k/ance but stop lying about why

[haruharux23]

Learning Hangul: English > Korean Tips (Part 1)

When I first began studying Hangul I said to myself…how am I supposed to memorize all of these symbols. Well here is how I did it. Some were as simple as, “I just have to remember”. However, some I was able to come up with associations to help me out. I am still at the beginning of learning so if something below isn’t right, feel free to correct me.

1. When writing my notes I found it easiest to list them in order by their English (closest to English) pronunciation. So that I could memorize them all. Be mindful there is an official order that they go in.

2. For all of the double constants I simply put them with their single counterpart. Be mindful they have different pronunciations.

ㅂ - B/P

ㅃ - BB

ㅍ - PP

Tip(s): The English alphabet order is A, B and the hangul symbol looks like an upside down A. B & P sound very similar. (B)lack(P)ink

ㅊ - Ch

Tip(s): The hangul symbol looks similar to a stick figure person or a (ch)aracter.

ㄷ - D/T

ㄸ - DD

ㅌ - TT

Tip(s): Like before, in the English alphabet C is followed by D and the hangul symbol looks like a boxed C. As for T, I simply had to memorize it. However, D & T sound similar.

ㅎ - H

Tip(s): Now you all may laugh but…remember how I said ㅊ looks like a person? Now it looks like they are jumping over a (h)ill.

ㅈ - J

ㅉ - JJ

Tip(s): Again with the person…he is putting on (j)eans.

ㅋ - K

Tip(s): Here is one of the ones I simply had to memorize. But if it helps (at least with writing it), it looks like a backwards F although there is no F sound in the Korean language.

ㄱ - K/G

ㄲ - GG

Tip(s): Now this was one of the last ones I grasped and to be honest I still stumble some times when it comes to the whole ㄱ(k) ㄴ(n) thing. So in order to decipher between the two, here is my strategy (hopefully it’s understandable. ㄱ looks more like you are writing the letter n (without the left line going down) and ㄴ shares the same left line going down as a k, which makes them look a bit more similar. However they are opposites. Another way to think about it is, you want to stop the letters. So if you were to write the letter k inside ㄴ the top lines would go on forever. However if you write k inside ㄱ, it will hit the top and you can move on to the next letter.

ㄹ - L/R or R/L

Tip(s): I remembered using the letter R so I will give a method using that instead. Like before in the English alphabet, R comes before S and the hangul symbol for R looks like a backward S. R & L have similar sounds.

ㅁ - M

Tip(s): This was a bit of a reach but was the easiest for me to remember. It’s a box, don’t put (m)yself/(m)e in a box. Another way like the ㄱ(K) example. You want to stop the letter so, if you write M inside ㅁ, all four corners will touch/stop it from going on forever and you can move to the next letter.

ㄴ - N

Tip(s): Look at ㄱ(K) for the full breakdown but, if you write N inside ㄴ, the bottom will be blocked from going on and you can continue to the next letter.

ㅇ - -ng

Tip(s): Only makes a sound at the end, this is pretty easy to simply memorize…BUT! For my ARMY out there. ㅇ is simply a circle. On the Big Hit logo, the i’s are topped with them and you know what’s at Big Hit? Our favorite Ba(ng)tan “방탄” Boys and none other than Hitman Ba(ng) himself.

ㅍ - P

Tip (s): Since ㅂ is both B & P, ㅍ is P too (2 as in Roman Numeral 2).

ㅅ - S

ㅆ - SS

Tip(s): Honestly I simply memorized this one but is you need some associations to help here are two. 1. If ㅈ is (j)eans, then ㅅ is (s)lacks or (s)ocks (up to you). 2. If you know cursive it almost looks like you started writing a cursive s but went out instead of in at the end.

ㅌ - T

Tip(s): Again simple memorization for me but if it helps here are some associations. E is T or it can be a (T)able (t)hat (t)ilted over.

Hopefully this helps or if it didn’t that's okay too. Let me know! Also tell me if you have any tips of your own.

[exorcistofgrace]

Hope.

@ribbedxgloves 

Note: Takes place after Eidolon started training Azami and after everyone found out about it.

“Eidolon?”

“Naoto, my light—”

“What the hell are you thinking!?”

Eidolon felt his chest twinge as Naoto burst into tears.

“Sh-she tore us apart! She nearly killed my son twice! She nearly killed my Darling Prince, and you’re helping her increase her powers!? Wha-why-I don’t...I...” With that, he started flickering, and and it started getting faster as he kept sobbing and cursing Azami with every breath.

Ohhh shit. Eidolon knew that Naoto wouldn’t be happy about Azami being tutored by him, but he should have expected more than he thought to expect. 

“Naoto,” Eidolon started, approaching Naoto, but Naoto shook his head, using both hands to wipe at his own tears. Eidolon stopped walking, but stood there, swallowing. “Naoto, she’s not going to be able to hurt us.”

“Wh-a...t?” Naoto still flickered, but it slowed down somewhat. His tears slowed as he looked to the man he once loved, a man he saw as a Beauty to his Beast. “What do you..?”

“Naoto,” Eidolon was surprised at how he kept his voice level, “Azami can’t hurt us anymore, nor can she hurt our loved ones. I made her vow to never do so, and we both know what vows as a ghost mean.”

Naoto went quiet. Eidolon thought Naoto looked beautiful, decked up in that gown with flared sleeves, as he stood there in thought and put it all together in his head before speaking again.

“You...did that.”

“Yes.” Eidolon nodded, feeling his own self relax. “She can’t fight Brent, and Brent will have no reason to fight her if she can’t snap her claws at anyone that we love. Sean won’t have to worry about Brent going to war against her, and Azami literally can’t use her powers to hurt them at all. No one gets hurt, damage restricted.”

Naoto still blinked tears, but they slowed, the flickering slowly fading. “But what if she finds a loophole? Or overrides it, somehow?”

“Vows are impossible to override. Blessing for us, curse for her.” At least, in theory. It seemed to be working well in practice, as Eidolon observed so far. “The reason I taught her is so she can help us against the demons that the Orthodoxy has been neglecting. So, it’s a win for all of us...except for the demons and Azami, of course.”

Naoto huffed a bit,  but approached Eidolon this time, stopping just in front of him. He hesitated, one his flared-sleeved arms raising so his hand cupped Eidolon’s cheek, and gazed into his eyes.

They did not kiss, but Eidolon was so sorely tempted to. But they stood in silence, gazing at each other. Neither of them could deny the love they felt towards each other, but both understood that it was better that Naoto moved on with Sean. There was that silent understanding that lay between them, and there always would be.

“I just hope,” Naoto spoke, “That this doesn’t fail.”

Eidolon closed his eyes, then opened them. “It won’t fail. I won’t let it.”

Naoto lowered his hand from Eidolon’s cheek to his shoulder, then trailed it down his arm until they held hands. “I know you’re worried.”

“I am.” Eidolon always hated admitting how bad he felt, but it was always easier with Naoto. And it was slowly getting easier with Sean, too, as well as Geist, Revenant and Janne. “...I have a bad feeling about the Orthodoxy in general at this point. Makes me wonder why I didn’t leave it.”

“You wanted the best for it. I know you were devoted to it. The only reason you thought of leaving was me and Tsuna. For us to get married, back then. Start a family of sorts.” Naoto felt himself shift to his true form—pale from illness, coughed up blood at his lips as his clothing shifted to something more like a makeshift hospital gown. He let it happen. 

“That was a reason. But it wasn’t the only one.” Eidolon swallowed, grimacing at how his own face’s left side grew scarred once more, purpling a bit as his left eye also turned yellow. “I’d grown sick of the Orthodoxy’s lack of reform for so long...I wondered if anything I could do was pointless, and yet I thought I needed to stay. You showed me another option. Sometimes, the best thing is to walk away...and yet, I didn’t do it. I let Azami destroy us.”

“It was never your fault she manipulated us. It was always her. Remember that. And though we may not court, nor marry, we have the people we love right now. We still talk with each other, far more amicably than I ever expected.” Naoto smiled, and Eidolon couldn’t help but grin back at him. “I know things are heavy and hard, and take time to get used to. But...don’t lose hope, Eidolon.”

Eidolon nodded, squeezing Naoto’s hand. “That’s something you should take into account, too.”

Naoto smiled a bit more, and squeezed Eidolon’s hand. “I do. And I will.”

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Thursday 23rd November: Update

It feels like it has been quite a while since I posted some sort of an update on here, and I can only apologise that and for my disappearance. I am going to place my *update* under a read more as I realise it could be triggering and also I am not sure how long it’s going to be, which knowing me it will likely go on a while. So, here goes...

This is going to be an update about treatment: I have now been under the Bristol ED team for a number of weeks and I think it is fair to say that I have not been doing very well. My mental health has taken a real turn for the worse since coming to University and although some things are good/I am enjoying living in Bristol/doing well at my course on paper, I am at the same time, very far from ‘okay’ and am not coping. 

I have been stuck in a nasty relapse and have been finding it incredibly hard to see a way out. I don’t know *exactly* what triggered this and right now I am not in a place to be exploring it beyond the surface level, but I have been feeling increasingly more hopeless as time passes. I think that one of the biggest reasons for this is because I am going around in circles/the same cycles year after year after year. I can do so much at home, I get so far and then I end up back in a really dark place, undoing the hard work I put in. Part of me knows why it might be (probably to do with never really letting go/letting anorexia dictate ‘recovery’ and not reaching and maintaining the goal weight I was set - as well as not getting therapy alongside it all).

In all honest I am tired of fighting. STEPs are a great service however when you are stuck in relapse it can be quite difficult as they work on the motivation to change cycle; which I am very much lacking in at the moment. I have been placed on a waiting list for a contemplation group, however that group does not start until the end of January and until then I have just been having, and will continue to have, weekly appointments for checking in ‘try to stabilise’. 

There has now been another option thrown into the mix due to my continued deterioration and inability to pull myself back up. It was mentioned at my last appointment and I was told to go away to consider things until today where we talked about it more. Basically, to keep things as short as I can, they want me to seriously consider an admission. This has thrown a real spanner in the works and has caused my head to be on over-drive for the past two weeks however part of me is almost relieved? I am simply not coping and as hard as that is to admit, I am desperate for help and am so tired of *this* being my life. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I have let down so many people, including my parents and myself. I hate hate hate the idea of dropping out of University again but I know deep down that I cannot get through another term like this. It just isn’t possible. The inpatient admission was mentioned when I was already feeling quite unsure about my course (I am feeling a little better about it now) as well as feeling very cut-off /left out from University life - so it pretty much sent my head into a constant spin. 

Today I said that I am seriously considering the option. Saying those words terrifies me but at the same time I am just, idk, I am at the end of my tether. I feel unable to make changes myself (god knows I have tried) and I am just...exhausted.

I am going to be meeting with the consultant within the next two weeks (I am awaiting a phone call to confirm the date/time as he was on the phone today when G tried to see him during our appointment). Apparently from that appointment with the consultant and G, I will then get to look around the ward itself and see how they work/consider the goals of the admission - all whilst not being tied down to anything. Then there is the waiting list...which who knows how long it is. G said the consultant might know a little more. This would of course mean taking time out from my course. Right now my goal is to finish first term and do my January exams so that I don’t have to repeat first term when/should I return. However I have a number of barriers in the way that need exploring: the main one is to do with accommodation, which I think terminates if I were to leave for medical reasons, however that would then mean that I wouldn’t have an address in Bristol, hence no GP in Bristol - which has a direct impact on the treatment I could get (if that makes sense?). It is all quite messy. Home is not an option this time around for many reasons including: I would be going home to literally no treatment team (my home team is very small anyway/lack of resources and then the few people I used to see have now all left) there are no IP beds in the county so would likely not get that level of treatment, home recovery is something I have attempted countless numbers of times but it has not been effective (I had one short IP stay which did help but, in hind sight was not enough), my parents are going to NZ for a month late Jan/Feb time so I would be all alone, I would be even more isolated/end up spending another year in my room, little therapy options etc. 

So with home not being an option, and suspending studies likely meaning I have no address here, there is a lot that I need to look into/find out about. The worry is also there about what would happen from discharge as I would want to continue working with the team and thus need to be in Bristol..Anyway, you can kind of get a feel for this ‘small’ dilemma. I then have other things that need looking into. My head is giving me hell for even considering an admission, and I can’t/won’t put into words some of the things that it is tormenting me over but I think you can get the general idea/gist.

The worries about whether University is right for me or even the course are still there however I am not sure if my terrible mental state is having a huge impact on how I feel about them both. In that sense, taking some time out might make a little sense as it might help me to see whether it is what I want to be doing. At the same time it would be ANOTHER year with my life on hold and to do that....god I can’t even. 

The last little bit of my appointment was spent with G trying to persuade me to find even the smallest bit of fight within me to try to stop the spiral that has been growing and growing. medical beds have been mentioned a number of times and she did ask me how I felt about that as a possibility and tbh it isn't even something I consider to be applicable to me. I know the facts about it all but I don’t see it ever happening to me. My bloods are okay at the moment, I have never really had too much of a problem in the past when I have been ‘worse’, so I don’t see it as an issue. At least one reassuring thing that came from that discussion, the ward does not take people who are medically unstable and they try to keep it as supportive environment as possible for people to use to help move forwards. Of course there will be times when there might be people detained there, however they try to avoid this and do not do any NG tubing (such a relief as I know being in that kind of environment would just not be good for me). 

Anyway, in true Kitty style I have rambled on and am now not even sure what I have talked about/forgotten to mention but I suppose this is just a small update about things treatment wise. I can’t emphasise enough how truly sorry I am for letting you all down and for being in this position once again. I would never wish this illness on anyone in the whole entire world and to know that there are so many of you out there who also struggle is hard. Right now I am focusing on getting through the next few weeks; I have a lot on a Uni at the moment what with a 26hour week next week (I know and that is just the hours IN uni not the pre/post labs and write ups), a neuroanatomy exam the week after and a physiology exam the next. Not forgetting the neuroscience, pharmacology and physiology exams in January that are each 2 hours long...sigh.

Hopefully I will hear back about the consultant meeting soon and I will keep my blog updated best I can. Please take care of yourselves, I know it is hard and some days are harder than others but we have to keep holding on, even if it is just in the hope that tomorrow might be a little more manageable xxx

[bbarican]

where do i even start?

so hello im back on here only because narealize ko na this is one of only two places i can actually talk about how i really feel (the other one being my journal and im really lazy to write everything down but ill probably write on there too siguro within this week) and i guess here's everything that happened during my soc med detox:

the main reason why i wanted to go on a soc med detox is because i felt super pressured about finding a work because everyone around me, especially everyone in my field (interior design) seems to have a job already and yet here i am, having nothing at all; hindi naman ako tamad, ang dami kong kayang gawin, ang dami ko nang napagapplyan, pero wala talaga and super nakakapagod na, kahit nga hindi interior design realted na work walang tumatanggap sakin kahit maganda naman resume ko, basta nakakainis na nakakalungkot kasi nga feel ko hindi enough yung ginagawa ko

since napepressure nga ako sa mga tao around me, which includes my 2 bestfriends, nilalayuan ko sila, pero thankfully they understand completely where im coming from and they assured me na wala nga naman akong kasalanan kung bakit nandito ako sa situation ko now; its not my fault na we're in a pandemic and that the companies now that atleast im aiming for isnt hiring, wala akong magagawa about that. the fact na may ginagawa akong maganda with my time is more than enough daw and i just really need to keep reminding myself that kasi tbh its getting harder and harder to remember that everyday.

my lola also got a covid scare just the other day; bigla kasing nilagnat after talking to a few people pero thank god it wasnt covid but at the same time we found out na she has uti and until now hindi padin siya gumagaling and nakakastress lang kasi ang pasaway ng lola ko, as in ayaw niyang magpaospital tapos ang gulo pa ng tito ko basta whenever i remember that night when we found out na may sakit lola ko ang heavy lang sa pakiramdam and the fact na sobrang layo niya from us (she lives in batangas and we live in paranaque) doesnt help at all

my kuya's flight school decided to close after more than a year of making them wait for any kind of update and its making my family pissed but at the same time excited kasi that means mas makakahanap ng magandang opportunity yung kuya ko when it comes to him becoming a pilot and thats just it, nakahanap na nga siya ng opportunity and my parents wants me to go with him eventually to move to florida for a bit with him finishing flying school and becoming a commerical pilot and me working as an interior decorator para din ako muna techincally magpoprovide for him and our family since di pwedeng mag work siya at the same time with his school pero heres the thing kaya stressed din ako kasi sayang yung opportunity ko to find work there kung hindi naman magagawan ng paraan yung visa ko. oo may toursit visa ako na valid for a really long time pa pero syempre hindi yung enough for me to look for work there and i really really really wanna go to florida too kasi who knows baka doon ko pala masastart yugn career ko and the fact na willing yung parents ko to actually help us pa meanas the world to me and i really wanna figure out if i actually can work there without me being a lisenced interior designer here sa philippines

and lastly my mom got into an accident sa kitchen while preparing for dinner: may dinidikdik kasi siyang powder na medyo matigas na, thinking she can salvage it, and she was using a knife to try and loosen up the powder but nope the knife ended up slipping and now nasugatan siya ng sobrang lalim sa right hand niya to the point na masakit parin hanggang ngayon yung hand and most of her right arm meaning im gonna have to help her more with everything, not just cooking; buti nalang kamo left handed mom ko

but yeah, life is super shitty, and umaabot na sa point na nafefeel ko nang lumalala lang lalo yung anxiety ko like ive been crying more and frowning more and everything feels heavier

but i know ill be okay; i just know it

[cruz-regina-d-journal]

05: Share, care, and hug like a bear

Our group had a difficult time to know who are the ethics hero and ethics zero, and that is why we researched people who did good things and people who are considered the worst. The first person we discovered was Elizabeth Bathory, she was known as the blood countess because of the murders she commited involving virgin young women. It was really shocking to know how a noble person can do such thing because of insecurity. I can't imagine people doing gruesome stuff to other people, it feels as if they don't have a soft heart and conscience that can stop them from doing wrong. Anyway, since we already have an ethics zero, we found our ethics hero and it's Princess Diana of Wales. I compared her to Elizabeth since both of them have a role in a kingdom however they have different stories. Princess Diana of Wales is known for her charity works, even though she was a commoner, she never bragged about how she became a princess. Ever since she was a young teenager, Princess Diana loves to help other people, most especially the children. Aside from that, she is also an activist of HIV, she gave awareness to this illness. It is really admiring because most people think that HIV is an embarrassment to any person who have this, they're making it a laughing issue even if it shouldn't be.

As we discussed about the ethics hero and ethics zero, I realized that in reality, all of us can be different. There are good and bad people, but one thing I'm sure is that we should help those bad ones too because they lack empathy and conscience. I just want to share that I once let myself be an instrument to make someone better. He was my classmate before and people avoid him because of his brutality; there was a time that he punched my classmate just because he sitted to his seat, and there is also a time where he pushed my girl classmate making her fall down the stairs and had a broken leg. Most of my classmates were afraid of him (and I'm still wondering why my school didn't give him a drop card 🤔), then there is one time where my adviser arranged our seats and the last row only had two seats. My adviser planned to make me as his seatmate since I'm the only introvert in the class and she's sure that I will not do anything that may annoy him. Moving forward, we had our 'disagreement'; he wants me to do his homework because he forgot to do it at his home, but of course, I rejected him and that made him mad. Because of his anger, he grabbed my neck and began to choke me, and I hate to do it but I still slapped him so that he'll stop what he's doing. After he released his grip, I talked to him and told him that he should be responsible of everything. I can't remember the exact words I said but one thing I remember is "estudyante rin ako, parehas lang tayo ng ginagawa sa school!", I really snapped. I was the only one who had the courage to speak up. After that incident I thought his anger to me will grow but it didn't. He actually told me he is sorry and he also apologized to our classmates. He opened up that he's just experiencing a hard time because of a personal problem. Later on we became friends and I helped him to control his anger. I also taught him different topics since he's struggling on his studies. I'm proud to say that I helped him to get up and pull his goodness, because for me, I still believe that everyone still has a bit of kindness regardless of how bad they seem to be.

Aside from ethics hero and ethics zero, we also discussed about the ethics of care. One thing that really struck me the most is "You don't need to touch someone else to show care, you can just stay there and listen to their problems". I was enlightened because of this line, I thought I should make an action to tell them that I really care, and also I misunderstood that listening is only a form of action but not a care at all. Now that I know, I remembered the time that my best friend had a problem (the girl next to me from the picture above hihi), she had a very complicated issue about her family. She's having panic attacks and unnecessary thoughts, I don't know what I should advice her or what I should do to ease her pain, so I remained quiet and just listened to her cries. Before graduation, I'm happy that she's already okay, and she thanked me for being there for her. I was confused why she said "thank you" so I told her that she should thank me because it's my responsibility and to add, I somehow failed to become a best friend since I didn't say anything to her while she's having a hard time. But she still said that I've been a great friend because I never left her during her bad times. I can still feel the flowers when she said that, it made me happy that even if I just stayed and listened to her cries, she's glad that I never left her. For me, I define ethics of care as a belief that we should empathize and always think the betterment of a person.

[terresdebrumestories]

Chapter 12/24: Out

✗ TECHNICAL DETAILS

FANDOM: Marvel’s MCU SERIES: SEADLA Verse, version 2.0 RATING: Mature WORDCOUNT: 4 626 PAIRING(S): - CHARACTER(S): Tony Stark, Nick Fury, Clint Barton. GENRE: Jail time sucks. TRIGGER WARNING(S): This chapter contains brief and non graphic suicidal thoughts (it’s really small, but it’s there) as well as iffy matters of consent regarding telepathy that aren’t really discussed. (Check the AO3 listing for a glimpse of what’s to come). SUMMARY: In which there is a rescue team.

DEDICATION(S): As always, to the first version’s readers, to the people who leave comments on the fic three years after its last update, and to 2012!me, who needed to write this fic a lot.

SEADLA ON TUMBLR: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11]

Tony stares into the abrupt darkness with his heart hammering against his ribs until a green and gold flame, no bigger than a thumb, whispers to life. The light flickers over Loki’s face, makes his features handsome, childish and fearsome in turn, a thousand faces birthed and killed by a thousand tricks of lights.

It makes Tony’s head swim.

Loki, apparently unbothered, sends the flame hovering a little above his head and lights another one, then another and another, until several dozens of small fires float in the air around them, casting their light over Loki and deepening the pitch blackness around him.

“You look like the Boogeyman,” Tony blurts out through the wild rhythm of his breathing, twisting his fingers into his sheets, just to make sure the bed is still there.

The whole scene looks and feels a little like the Big Bang did, except there’s neither scientific wonder nor any sense of emotional closeness to keep Tony calm, and sweat starts prickling at his brow long before Loki shrugs and deadpans:

“Well I did do a bit of interim for him.”

Tony gapes, unable to tell whether this is supposed to be a joke or not, until his eyes catch on to a slightly-less-dark rectangle in the blackness behind Loki. He twists around a little, careful to keep his movements limited to the approximate area of the bed, until he catches sight of something moving in the rectangle, like black heavy fog trying to hide paler silhouettes. Tony thinks they look like trees, but they’re too pale to be real.

“Where are we?” He asks at last, struggling to tear his attention off the door and onto Loki.

“I suppose you could say we’re technically both in you cell. This is your mind. Well, a possible manifestation of it, at least.”

“A physical manifestation of—wait, I’m dreaming?”

“In technical terms,” Loki corrects with impossibly precise enunciation, “you are being Visited.”

“Oh right,” Tony retorts, switching from surprise to sarcasm almost before he has time to decide on it, “and you couldn’t ‘visit me’ before because…?”

“You didn’t pick up the knife.”

Tony’s face flushes red in less time than it takes to blink. What does the fucking knife even have to do with anything? And what the fuck does Loki mean, Tony didn’t pick it up? He spent literal days cutting into his arm with that stupid fucking thing, and Loki has the gall to blame him for not picking it up?

Worse, still! The bastard looks sad! Hurt, even! Like he’s the one who suffered instead of Tony! Oh, what a fucking joke, what a bastard—a week! A full week, at least, in custody, all but tortured into drinking, not knowing when he’d come out and that’s what—oh, what a fucking moron Tony was.

“Oh, forgive me your highness,” he hisses, trying not to choke on his fury, “I guess I’m not smart enough for princely mind games, after all!”

“That’s not what I said,” Loki replies in a neutral tone, one eyebrow raising with so much elegance Tony wants to punch it open, “I’m simply saying—”

“You’re saying bull, is what you’re doing. I picked your damn knife up! For nothing! I’ve been calling you for help—”

“I’m actually fairly certain you were punishing yourself,” Loki replies, drawing his head back like an offended bird.”

“You told me there was a spell in it—that you’d know if I tried to use it on myself—why d’you think I went back to cutting? The aesthetics?”

“Contrary to what you seem to believe, I didn’t actually get inside your head about a minute ago. I knew you were cutting, not why.”

“Oh, right, because that makes everything so much better!”

Tony is all but kneeling on the bed by now, body tense and boiling with the urge to start throwing punches. He’s not even picky about where: face, chest, legs, anywhere it’ll take so long as it gets Loki begging for forgiveness and the ugly mess of Tony’s memories out of his brain forever.

Loki doesn’t seem to care, if he even notices at all.

“It doesn’t,” he says with a slight shrug, “you had to call for me. I planted the knife as because I knew you were too stubborn to—”

“What? Too stubborn to die like you planned?”

Technically, there’s no wall to stop him here, no ground to slam into, which is probably the only reason why flying off and landing in an undignified heap doesn’t physically hurt. The gesture still reels him though, pulls his thoughts into a sharp sideway twist.

Fuck, he wishes it’d hurt though. Wishes it’d bleed like a proper wound so he could just stitch it up and be done with it instead of having to watch himself fester down into nothing. It’d be a bitch to go through but it’d be clean. Straightforward.

Simple.

God, he misses simple.

But it doesn’t hurt.

Loki’s face though, that gets something out of Tony, because he looks hurt. He looks like he’s hurt and betrayed, like Tony should commiserate with the poor widdle god of trickery and lies regret at sending a so-called friend flying. Like Tony should be craddling his cheek and say ‘it’s alright, you’re not really an asshole for trying to throw me into concrete, or whatever you thought would stop me mid-flight’.

Fuck that game. Tony’s most definitely not playing it.

“If I’d meant for you to die,” Loki hisses after a long, shivering pause, “All I had to do was leave you here. I could have killed you a dozen times as Lorna. Better still, I could have ignored your letter and let you do the bloody job for me, you pathetic coward!”

The lights around them burn brighter with each word, swelling with Loki’s venom and turning his hair from black to a bright copper, draws lines of runes onto his face. Tony watches the change proceed with sick fascination, blood humming in his veins as Loki’s ordinary black leather shifts into thick winter gear, his chin colors with a thick copper beard where the runes come and go like words on the wind.

It fills something primal in Tony, like he’s witnessing something he shouldn’t have access to, and there’s the beginning of a punch building up in his fist when Loki strides up to him, seizes him by the collar and hisses into his face:

“You’re a lucky coward, though, I do not intend to let you die. Be ready for an escape tomorrow. You will know when the time comes.”

Tony does punch then, as hard and fast as he can manage, satisfaction blooming into his chest when he hears Loki’s nose crack and spots blood dripping onto the elegant mustache. Fuck him. Fuck him and his mysticism, his arrogance, his every fucking thing! If he wants to think he’s above everyone, fine! But if he thinks Tony’s gonna lie down and take it in silence, he’s got another fucking thing coming.

His thing with Lorna might have worked wonder, but Tony is sure as hell not about to take another one of his lies, fuck him very much.

“Lorna was a lie, that much is true,” Loki says while he dabs elegant fingers under his nose, “but it wasn’t mine.”

He’s out of the door before Tony can try to punch him again.

{ooo}

Tony wakes up to a major kink in his neck and the taste of a hangover gone stale on his tongue. He lies on the bed like a a stringless puppet, crusty-eyed and sweaty, desperatly trying to ignore the headache forming behind his eyeballs. At the edge of his memory, shouting and pain mix with green flames in the dark, and it’s all he can do to push them back in favor of Loki’s words.

Be ready for an escape tomorrow. You’ll know the moment when it comes.

Of course he had to be a fucking cryptic with that, too. What an asshole.

Tony still hopes, though. He thinks about the not-quite-dream all day long as he lies down, unable not to wish Loki said the truth. Unable not to feel like time has turned into especially thick syrup as he keeps his hands under the pillow, clutching Loki’s open knife just in case.

Somewhere around what’s probably the beginning of the afternoon, Clint comes back with more food. He doesn’t make a show of roughing tony up this time, which is definitely progress, but he does mouth ‘be ready’ when he leaves the tray. If nothing else, it probably means Clint is on Tonys side.

In times like these, it’s a thought worth clinging to.

{ooo}

As far as Tony can tell, it’s about four when the guards start screaming. Muffled shouts and the slap of flesh on flesh fill the air for a hot second, and then there’s a pregnant silence and the hiss of Tony’s cell door sliding open. Tony, who at this point is little more than a random collection of ill-kept hair and bloodshot eyes in hospital pajamas, watches a skinny silhouette in red and blue spandex stride into the room with confident step, pause into a full-bodied show of surprise, and exclaims:

“Dude, you look like crap!”

The boy sounds something like seventeen, maybe eighteen. Barely college age, at any rate. It doesn’t stop Tony from saying he’s been worse.

It’s both true and false. Afghanistan hurt more, physically speaking. He doesn’t remember feeling that empty while he was there, though, too busy trying to figure out how to get Yinsen and himself out to feel sorry about his life.

He wouldn’t go back there just to stop being depressed though, thank you very much.

“How did you know where to find me?” He asks, following the kid out into empty corridors with Loki’s swiss knife in hand, “Clint managed to get blueprint out?”

“Yeah, and then a little spider talked to me in a dream.”

A pause, and then:

“I mean, it was really more like the biggest tarantula the world has ever seen, but it’s not as funny an image.”

Tony’s too busy trying to walk in a straight line to care much, either way, but whatever rocks the kid’s world, really. How or why on Earth Anansi got involved, he has no idea. Same goes for Spiderman, actually, but neither of these questions feel pressing enough to distract him from the very real, very urgent need to get away from this place.

So he runs.

They reach a doorway that probably leads outside about fifteen minutes into Tony’s escape, four S.H.I.E.L.D agents standing in their way with old Nazi weapons at the ready, and Tony’s heart sinks.

No way he’ll get past them.

“Okay,” Spiderman says, twisting his head until the bones in his neck crack, “no offense but I think we’ll be better off if I handle that one on my own. You’re in no shape to fight, pop.”

Tony would quip back and say the kid is being a little generous about his suit-less abilities, but he doesn’t have the time. He’s barely started opening his mouth, and one guard is down already, dragged to the ground with a clever use of silky—and sticky—rope. Spiderman runs toward the next one, yells ‘crotch!’ and hit the man with exactly that part of his anatomy, catching one of the two women in the jaw with his foot as he twists the male guard around.

The second woman manages to get a grip on him and twist his arm behind his back, but before Tony gets to helping him, he’s jumped and twisted in such a way that he broke the woman’s nose with his knee and wriggled free of her headlock.

“Phew,” he says, voice rough from the chokehold, “thank heaven for super flexibility, right?”

Tony doesn’t have time to answer before someone grabs his arm and forces him to start running. He barely realizes it’s Clint in time to avoid punching at him—and then it stops to matter, because he’s finally outside.

He was never a very outdoorsy person before but hell, he’s ready to get into full time camping right now, relishing the wind on his face more than he could have thought possible, so happy to be let out of that damned cave of a jail cell that he barely manages to hold himself upright.

“Stark!” Clint yells in his ear with the tone of someone who’s been trying to get his attention for a bit, “they’re trying to torture Banner into hulking, we gotta move out fast!”

“He’s not gonna do it!” Tony protests even as he picks up his pace to keep up with Clint, “Bruce—”

“I’m not wondering if he wants to hold it in,” Clint replies, guiding Tony away from where a gaggle of agents are fighting a man on a horse car, “I’m wondering if he’ll be able to! He’s never had to resist torture before, we don’t know how it’ll affect him!”

Tony, still half-drunk from sudden freedom, wishes he could protest. Bruce saved his life multiple times already—sometimes as Hulk, even!—but Clint as a point. This is brand new territory, and they’re probably better off getting to safety before they start pondering the nature of Bruce’s doppelganger and how it’s gonna react to pain.

Around them, the air screams with explosions and too many voices, multiple fights breaking on the ground and across the sky as Tony lets Clint and Spiderman drag him out into what may or may not be the desert of New Mexico. He thinks he makes out a voice that sounds like thunder in the chaos but, really, there’s no way to be entirely sure.

“We gotta come back for Bruce,” he manages between two steps, dodging Clint’s elbow when he shoots at an agent.

“We gotta get you to safety,” Clint says, eyes roaming the landscape around them for something, “if Banner’s smart he’ll let the other guy come out and get him out of Fury’s hands.”

“But he’s—”

“I don’t see out back up!” Spiderman yells, “Where’s she?”

“Hell if I know! You seen a cat recently?”

Tony stumbles on the uneven ground, legs of cotton and shot vision combining to mess up with his balance, but he’s still got enough brain to despair at Clint’s words. A cat? they’re hanging their survival on a damn cat? God, they’re so lost—he’s just gonna die here and get this kid who asked for nothing down with him and then—

“Oh fuck!”

Tony twists on himself to follow Clint’s line of sight, trusting the guy to take them through a manageable path...and immediately regrets his decision.

Behind them, mounted onto some kind of vaguely horse-like mechanical monstrosity, the scarred man who visited Tony is flinging people out of his way like they’re annoying flies and not full grown adults. He’s yelling something Tony doesn’t understand but, more importantly, he’s catching up to them. Fast.

“Damn it all!” Clint shouts, “Bastet! Where the fuck are you!”

There’s a flash of grayish-pink flesh by Tony’s feet, a shape running toward the artificial horse as the scarred man prepares to shoot, and then he’s flung to the ground under the weight of a hairless lion with a snarl of hatred that shakes the air around Tony.

“The portal’s behind the rock,” the lion—lioness, judging by the voice—yells over the scarred man’s struggling body, “go!”

Tony is scrambling to turn around before Spiderman even manages to grab him—there’s a sharp pain in his guts as he runs, the exhaustion finally settling in, but he doesn’t let it stop him and keep going, passing a giant boulder at breakneck speed.

He doesn’t notice the hole until he’s already falling.

{ooo}

“Finally,” a deep, cheerful voice exclaims when Tony climbs back to consciousness, “I was beginning to think you’d never wake up!”

Trying to ignore the voice, Tony keeps his eyes closed and tries to list his injuries—there should be some, considering the day he’s had...whenever he got knocked out.

He doesn’t find anything.

Nothing hurts.

There’s no fire in his veins, no throbbing in his head, no itching and pulling around the reactor, no dull ache where he thought he’d pulled a muscle running, nothing at all.

He’s not sure what it says about him that the absence of pain is what makes him open his eyes and panic.

“Alright, alright, try to calm down,” the voice says when Tony bolts upright, “it took a while to patch you up, and probably even longer to negotiate your return with Hades, let’s not go and ruin all that good work.”

Tony turns, and stares at the woman he finds there. She’s about as tall as Thor, though her shoulders and hips are slightly narrower. Long, bleached-blond hair tumbles into a thick braid over her right shoulder, and when she walks closer to examine Tony it’s easy to spot the freckles on her golden cheeks.

“What the hell?” Tony exclaims when she inspects his wrists and there’s no trace of scarring there, “Where the fuck am I?”

“The exact answer is a little complicated,” the woman says with an apologetic smile, “so for the sake of simplicity we’ll just say it’s my infirmary, for now.”

“Right. And how long have I been in ‘your infirmary’?” Tony asks with his heart in his throat.

“A little under three days. You were awake for some of it, actually, but you kept trying to tear your glowing gadget out and re-open your wrists, so I sedated you. You should be able to get out tomorrow, depending on your state of mind...i the meantime, you can visit Anansi in the next room but going further would be a bad idea.”

Tony blinks, and takes his first proper look around the room.

White stone walls, too smooth to be natural but not enough to be a modern building, curve in as if to cover whatever is inside them. Blue light, rippling over the room like it had to get through water, mixing with the light of several candles to paint the atmosphere a golden kind of turquoise. It’s unusual and somewhere halfway between magical and spooky, but it’s also oddly soothing.

Secure, more than stifling. It’s a nice change of pace.

As for the furnitures, aside from the way they curve in to accommodate the walls, they look fairly infirmary-like. A spartan bedside table for each of the three narrow cots, a roll up tray with instruments waiting to be used, and a basket filled with whatever it is an infirmary needs to throw away. To the left, a closed door. To the right, a door left ajar, the low hum of conversation filtering through it—probably Anansi’s room, then. Tony should probably go and visit.

He doesn’t have it in him to do it, though.

He didn’t expect to wake up. didn’t even really want to, either. What does he have to come back to, these days? An empty house without Jarvis? A bunch of broken dreams? More problems than he can even begin to count? And that’s taking Loki out of the equation. Loki who, unless he’s even more of a jerk than he already showed, might come walking though that door at any moment.

Wonderful.

Honestly, tony wishes he could stop thinking about him. He’s going to have to, at some point, whether he likes it or not. Might even be a good idea to do so, in the long run. Right now though, nothing in his body hurts—not even the reactor—and his mind is just numb enough to keep him from a fall in complete despair.

It’s not ideal, but compared to the past few days it’s progress, and Tony is not going to ruin it with undue concern, thank you very much.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about Anansi’s health?”

It take tremendous effort to look at the woman again. Here eyes, almond shaped with a distinct fold at the corners, are so dark they’re almost black, but they’re warm too, and comforting. Well, there’s also a hint of reproach in there, but Tony doesn’t really have the energy to care about that.

“I assume he’ll be alright. He’s a God.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t try and be a proper friend to him. Or, you know, a polite person.”

Tony tries to snort, but it comes our more like a huff of breath. Either way, it’s not the answer the woman was angling fro, because she crosses her arms over her chest with a more obviously disapproving stare. She’s wearing an apron over a purple wool tunic, more prepared for viking ships than the imperial court of China, but what does Tony know about mythology, after all? Just ‘cause nobody talks about godly emigration doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

“Just because you’re out of it doesn’t mean you get to be an ass, Tony Stark.”

“And just ‘cause you know my name doesn’t mean you get to use it like you’re my mom,” Tony replies without much heat, “I don’t even know who you are.”

“Only because you didn’t ask.”

The woman’s voice deepens with every sentence, like her annoyance at Tony can be measured in how many octaves she can drop. She still reaches for a bowl and holds it out to Tony, with a firm ‘eat something’ when he takes it in hand.

It’s something like gruel, bland-looking on the whole, though when Tony tries it he finds nuts, honey and dried fruits as well. He doesn’t have the capacity to enjoy it in full, that’s true, but at least it tastes of something.

There are worse thing to unenthusiastically munch on.

“My name’s Sigyn, by the way.”

The name sounds vaguely familiar, but Tony doesn’t quite get why until Sigyn adds:

“You might know me as Loki’s wife.”