noodlyvan

[noodlyvan]

He cucked me >:(

@noodlyvan why not? What did he ever do to you?

[noodlyvan]

Uh here.... Take some vaguely horny doodles of three of my favorite boys

[noodlyvan]

Wanting to fuck Beetlejuice does NOT make you a monster fucker. That's just a dude! He's just a dirty guy! You can find him at any Shell station on the planet!

[noodlyvan]

Yeah which is lovely <3

My fiance @noodlyvan wants me to post cursed shit on here just so she can bully me :(

[noodlyvan]

Hey, YOU wanted to post it, I just said i wouldn’t stop you. :P

My fiance @noodlyvan wants me to post cursed shit on here just so she can bully me :(

[noodlyvan]

Brain: time to process things from your teenage years

Me: oh no

Brain: through a dream

Me: oh god no

Brain: the dream is horny

Me: OH GOD WHY

[noodlyvan]

I’m allowed to do that, hush

My fiance reblogging the filthy shit I say on here has me like

[noodlyvan]

I want the Lost in Space robot and Legion Mass Effect to double team me

[noodlyvan]

All Bonus ver.

[noodlyvan]

Shou Tucker bondage on my porn blog? Its more likely than you think

[noodlyvan]

INKTOBER DAY 4 (but like late)

Part 3.

[noodlyvan]

INKTOBER DAY 2

As requested by my roommate...

Any way this is part of a series.

[noodlyvan]

Fic Commissions

Hi all! Robotfucker06/Goodeye-Cyborg here. Guess who has student loans? That’s right! Me! Due to the train wreck that is trying to make peace with Sallie Mae I have chosen to open commissions!

Price:

$5 for the first 300 words

$2 per 100 words after that

If I go over the word count you paid for you will not be charged extra, but if you want to tip I will not stop you.

What I WILL do:

Transformer IDW

Transformer Prime

Borderlands

Overwatch

Bioshock

Lucifer

Anything else, just ask.

——-

Smut

Fluff

Angst

Gen

What I will NOT do:

Incest

Any form of waste related fetish

Foot fetish

Underage

OCs (this may change some day but today is not that day)

Please DM me if you are interested and remember the more detailed you are with what you want the better I can customize it to you!

[noodlyvan]

Could you write summa that good good pharma smut? Preferably with lots of toys, otherwise go crazy!

Pharma knew it was disgusting and wrong. Thinking about a mech like Tarn while he self serviced. A mech who came to him only when he needed something. A mech who regaled him with tales of his latest hunts, always in graphic detail. But the way he sounded when he told these stories…. 

A shiver ran down his spine. 

The false spike firmly set within his wet and quivering valve buzzed relentlessly. It felt almost too big. The stretch burned pleasantly as he wondered if this is how Tarn’s spike would have felt. No, probably not. Tarn was probably bigger. He spread his thighs wider to accommodate the mech that wasn’t there. One day, maybe he would be. 

“Please,” He moaned to nobody. “Tarn, please, I’m so close.” 

Were he capable of shame, he would be ashamed of how he longed for the Decepticon. Tarn was beautiful in a brutish type of way. His massive hands always clenched when Pharma worked on him. He wanted those hands to grip his hips as Tarn’s spike rammed into him and hit roughly against his ceiling node the way his toy did now. His back arched. Tarn wouldn’t have allowed that, surely he would have held the medic down, fucking him on his own terms. 

Would Tarn touch his wings, he wondered. If he weren’t occupied with panting, he would have chuckled. It didn’t matter. This was his own fantasy and would almost certainly never come to pass. Tarn would do whatever he wanted him to. Those thick, heavy, but so careful fingers would trace the edges of his wings. They’d pinch the tips roughly and Pharma would beg him for more. He’d call him his Autobot and Pharma would feel his tanks churn with arousal and shame in equal measure.

“Tarn!” He gasped. His wings quivered as his valve clenched hungry around the false spike. Lubricant flowed freely from his valve as he eased the toy out. His face was flushed and he prayed nobody had heard him. He did share a wall with Ambulon, after all.

[noodlyvan]

Not to be salty but the way the whole top/bottom dynamic gets portrayed on this site feels kinda weird to me. Like, I'm not an expert but it feels very... hetero-ish. I can't say I'm very comfortable with that.

[noodlyvan]

Tarnma vampire AU where Tarn is a vampire?

How could anyone smell this good? Tarn wondered as he pressed his scarred lips to Pharma’s soft pale skin. The human, fragile and gorgeous, shifted beneath his fingers. He could feel the way his rib cage expanded and contracted with quick desperate breaths. His pulse hammered against Tarn’s lips. 

Pharma smelled and felt divine. And Tarn was so very hungry. 

Pharma’s fingers dug into the, ashen skin of his back, pulling him closer. His nails would have drawn blood if Tarn had been anyone else. Or anything else. He shifted to kiss at Pharma’s lips. It would be so easy to move wrong and nick the doctor’s lip. He wouldn’t be able to drink from him that way but a sample wouldn’t be so wrong. His tongue swiped over Pharma’s lower lip. The temptation was so strong. 

“You’re holding back.” Pharma rasped. “You don’t have to. Please. When I said I want you, I meant it.” 

Tarn pulled back to eye the other man. Pharma’s dark eyes were glazed over with arousal and it only made Tarn more hungry for him. “I would hate to hurt you, dear doctor.” 

“Hurt me? Heh, you don’t have to worry about that.” He bit his lip and let his hand trail down Tarn’s chest, his fingers catching on the spider’s web of scars there. “Do your worst.” 

His worst? Tarn nearly balked at the idea. Pharma couldn’t handle his worst. Humans didn’t survive his worst. He fought to keep his fangs from extending when he felt Pharma’s pulse quicken. The doctor wanted more, though. More than just the ravenous kisses they exchanged. He kissed Pharma’s chest, careful not to touch his flesh with his teeth. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“So you’ve said. And as I have said, I want-” 

“I mean it, Pharma.” Tarn sat up, pulling away from his partner. The best thing for both of them would be to abstain. “There are things you don’t know about me. Things you don’t know I’m capable of.” 

Pharma sat up, expression suddenly alert and soft. His arms coiled around Tarn’s midsection and rested his head on the vampire’s shoulder. “I would like to know. If you’re willing to share.” 

His mind raced. With Pharma’s chest pressed against his back, he could feel the way the tempo of his heart began to slow. The hunger that had been clawing its way to the surface began to ebb away. For that, he was grateful. But…. Pharma was asking questions he would rather not answer. He sighed and rested his face in his hand. Well, if there was ever a time, it was now. The doctor would surely leave and he would be alone again. That would have to be alright. It was better than hurting him. 

Another deep breath. His hand wrapped around Pharma’s. “I suppose I could do that. If you want to leave when I am finished, I will understand.”

“Try me.” 

[noodlyvan]

I would absolutely love some nsfw headcanons for tfp Shockwave

- Don’t draw attention to his chest. It makes him very flustered

- He’s vanilla as fuck 

- He does not cuddle after

- His spike is super thick. Like absurdly thick. 

- Touching his thighs will make him open his panels almost instantly.