#next stop: graduation
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It’s Christmas Eve and I just handed in my final assignment. WE DID IT FOLKS. WE FUCKINT DID IT.
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#spheal#i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a#regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal?#if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum#with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way#this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr#as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites#it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted#i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did#with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my#backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having#any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh#until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can#wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal
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I went to see my aunt today and she told me how my uncle saw a picture of his childhood best friend on a crime show earlier and apparently "Ritchie" (the friend) killed people in California
But bc I'm used to southern folk exaggeration stories I didn't think much of it until she said "the show said Ritchie started worshiping Satan in California" and THAT caught my attention, so I asked her for the friend's real name so I could look him up and calm as a fucking cucumber she goes, "Richard Ramirez... Do you know him?"
#tbh that's such an Alabama old person reaction#hearing your husband's best friend in high school was the fucking night stalker#'have you heard of him?'#I just had to laugh. like girl wHAT?!?!!? 🤣#they attended the same high school in El Paso TX#but then Ritchie dropped out of school and moved to California#my uncle graduated and moved to Alabama#then apparently stopped comprehending information for the next 40+ years#bc he literally learned this information TODAY#Thanksgiving's gonna be fucking wild this year
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heesunjay vs my sketchbook..
#enhypenet#kpopco#malegroupsnet#enhypen#heeseung#jay#enhypen jay#sunoo#heetual#tbh i think the sketchbook won..#next time you three !!!#super into squares rn (has made two square things three weeks)#engene ver is killing me i love these photos so bad#sorry i have so much time now that im a graduate the grind don't stop hashtag WOMEN IN STEM#z.enhypen#z.heeseung#z.jay#z.sunoo#z.gfx
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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i was hugging my chisato and ren nesoberis for the entire episode, sobbing for the majority of it then completely bawling the moment i saw them together in the liella no uta. we really watched these girls grow from first years to graduates, they've all grown so much.. i have so many things to say but i don't want to ramble just yet. i love liella, they changed my life. i never thought a group would ever change my life like aqours did, but liella really did it. this episode has motivated me to finally walk my path, to the future i desire <3 thank you liella!
#love live#liella#flora thoughts#the song resonated with me so much#i haven't been able to walk a clear path forward since i graduated high school myself 6 years ago#i've just been sort of going with the flow and hoping things will work out despite my bad living situation#but i think this gave me the motivation to stop being scared and move forward no matter what. next year u can expect big things from flora!
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feeling a profound sense of dread tonight unrelated to the ghouls and goblins of the season
#text#idkkkkk. im not doing anything halloweeny tonight and despite the fact that i AM doing halloween stuff over the weekend#i am feeling lonely and awful right about now#and i am scared about my trip to detroit next week bc my two friends in staying with arent on good terms anymore apparently#but like they all live in a big co op thing so ill see both of them. but theyve been besties for forever#and now im scared that one bazillion things will go wrong while im there. man. man#when will things get any easier#im tired of feeling bad and im tired of feeling so powerless about it even though im literally not#like i can go out and meet people. i live in a big city and go to a big school i can do that.#it just feels like i forgot how. and im almost graduated so it feels too late to relearn how too.#le sigh#sorry i stopped using twitter for the most part so you guys get the brunt of this now
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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They weren't lying The Adventure Zone Versus Dracula is great!
#at least based off first Ep.#gods. i missed listening to TAZ#graduation was nice till it kind of got bit too convoluted + i didn't like some tropes i guess#i stopped listening somewhere during the Ethersea#the story didn't really hook me and then i just didn't like the french accent Travis was doing#(no judging. not listening something due trivial matters is alright)#so it just slipped off me after a time#i have no clue what happened next but Versus Dracula feels epic!#TAZ VS Dracula#taz versus dracula#the adventure zone versus dracula#the adventure zone#carpet talks#taz#also gods. i forgot his name rn but how does one of the brothers always come up with such great characters
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my birthday is in 8 days and i am n nnotttt feeling it . at all.
#i work the day before and day aftwr so i cant really go anywhere#i have nobody to invite if i could👍 turning 21 going to bed at 7pm and not drinking with no friends im like the ultimate loser#😁#i was planning to finish my meet the artist before my bday so i can make like a yearly thing with it#but i havent been able to sit down and color anything in forever#art has been so shit lately. i just sit down and scribble and then get mad and stop#playing sdv like an addict for a week and then completely dropped it#reading random manga i found in my closet (love hina)#i really am like . not feeling it#im off center#i want a new tat but i got dentist bills next month#and i really need a new car. i think mines about to explode#and I really need to go on testosterone#but i cant even go to the doctor for my migranes#so how am i gonna ask for hormones#everything is baby steps away but im too scared to even try#i couldve been on hrt since i graduated#i couldve been trying to get into schools#i couldve . fuck idk? actually learned guitar by now? instead of dropping it and letting it rot in my closet#I've been on fucking autopilot since 9th grade#last tkme i had friends.
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mannnnnnnnbb fuck November I’m so tired of feeling lonely in my own life.
#lee’s bullshit#even being in [redacted] will not save you from the depths of November#trying to remind myself things are always changing and I can’t stop putting myself out there but I am tired.#what I am doing clearly is not enough in any respect and I am tired of feeling so worn to the bone all the time.#huge social miss today at the function. woke up late and ruined the schedule. couldn’t make a clear decision on dinner.#haven’t found a replacement roommate. haven’t finished my portfolio. haven’t applied to internships. haven’t finished my final project.#behind on everything and with every step I take I get pulled further and further backwards.#my roommate is graduating early and i feel like it’s my fault.#i shouldn’t blame myself for someone else’s bad behavior but im still beating myself up for being a cause for it.#my other roommate wants to move out to live on her own next year.#also blaming myself for that even tho its always on me to fix the mess of housing every damn semester#I’m just so tired of feeling like I’m not doing enough and even when I am that it just simply doesn’t matter.#saw one of my friends today but only for an hour. texting the group is like sending a blind pigeon out in a gale.#I know that things will get better but it’s just so hard . if someone genuinely asked how I was doing I could cry on the spot.#none of my friends are close enough anymore not at home not at school not in my family. there’s nowhere to go.#just tired. Going to go to bed soon. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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Okay prom was actually really fun! Got to hang with friends, dance with them, got a photo with one I haven’t seen in a while, and got a flower!
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If I had to choose between cutting off my hand and redoing grad school apps, I'd seriously consider the hand. Be gentle with yourself, it's a fucking slog. What kind of program are you looking into?
Thank you for the reminder to be gentle. This shit has been stressful, and having for various reasons only about a month and a half to actually do focused work on applying has SUCKED. Not looking forward to potentially having to do this again in the future (it's complicated but I'll explain why in a sec), but I am SO looking forward to two weeks from now when these applications are in and it's out of my hands, as much as the waiting game itself sucks in its own way.
As for programs, I don't want to get too specific. I was a double major in undergrad, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I've literally never met anyone else with those two specific majors. (Ftr one is a STEM field and the other in the humanities.) I want to keep studying both in some capacity in the future, but to make a long story short I'm stuck in a position where I have to hold off on applying to the program in the humanities for now.
As annoyed as I am about the 'long story' part of that, I'm totally fine with prioritizing the program in STEM for now. Hell, in some ways that's a good thing given the limited amount of time I have to work on applications. But at the same time, I've greatly limited the number of schools I'm applying to so I can focus on creating well-tailored applications for their specific programs and faculty, and that means each potential rejection would leave me with a far smaller share of options. It's a bit of a risk, but damn it I'm trying my best to show how strong of a student I've been and that I would work well with their specific people. Hopefully things work out in the end.
I hope your own efforts have paid off too, wherever life has taken you.
#it's hitting me now too how badly my undergrad school prepared me for this process#besides a couple of conversations with professors about grad school and jokes about selling your soul to unethical corporations-#- we didn't get told SHIT#i've said it before and i'll say it again but do not go to a rich kid school if you are not a rich kid (this is coming from a non-rich kid)#or at the very least be prepared for people to assume you know the ins and outs of networking and stuff you've never been taught about#i'm not joking when i say the school i went to brags about how many students get job placements soon after graduation#but has next to no actual resources to help students continue their education (esp for minority students) (like myself)#it's so frustrating seeing peers of mine get cushy jobs based on who they know when i'm out here busting my ass bc idk the right people#and god forbid you want to learn more but don't have similar connections in academia! it sucks!#i know my applications' success heavily relies upon letters i'm not allowed to read written for me by professors who can vouch for me#because their names might mean something to someone who might otherwise disregard me despite how ridiculously experienced i am#knowing you're good enough but might get rejected for something that goes beyond you has to be one of the worst feelings#i already have the sneaking suspicion that i won't get accepted to one of my top three schools based on that#and i haven't even submitted my app for them yet#there's so much i hate about higher ed but dammit i still want to learn. that might be the worst part of it all.#i want to keep learning but at the end of the day it's not about what i want. it's what an institution wants FOR me.#but that will not stop me from trying or from fighting for what i want. at least i have that.#anyway sorry for the long-ass ramble and for the delay but hopefully that answers your question sufficiently enough#and hopefully what i've said is useful to someone somewhere who might be in a weird spot like this#ask#answered#anon
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rip to you for the COVID hope you feel better soon! and I hope you have fun playing the Sims! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ🌻🪻🌸💜
Thank you so much that's very sweet!! I was so pissed off about it. I went FOUR YEARS without getting COVID and I was finally hit by the dodgeball like TEN DAYS before my trip. But I'm up to date on my vaccines and I felt mostly fine. Vaccines lose their efficacy after 6 months, my recent vaccine saved my ass, please check to see when your latest vaccine was.
Unfortunately I continued to be dead (Sims, writing obsessively again, preparing for my trip) and I will continue to be dead (I am going to be in Hawai'i for a week). I need to tweak some things about the chapter so I'm going to wait until I have time to do so before I post it. I try not to be on my computer a lot during my vacations, so it might take a minute.
Since I graduated college, I pretty much have a habit of feeling an insane need to flee once every three or four months, and I call up a friend who lives Wherever and take a trip to hang out with them (internet friends, 80% of the time - love you guys!). But I guess my Big Move six months ago satisfied my need for novelty, because I've only travelled once since then to visit my mother on Thanksgiving. Objectively feels weird to only take one trip in six months, so I'm happy that I'm taking two this month. Hawai'i is going to be extremely good because I have not Seen A Tree In The Wild for six months (it's either city trees or...corn......there's no fulfillment in corn....) and it's probably doing weird things to my psyche.
What the fuck do you do during a ten hour plane flight? Hopefully the Sims? What happens? Insane.
#meg? sharing personal details? it's more likely than you think [my fight is at 6:40am so i just didn't go to bed]#my asks#i haven't travelled with another person since i was like 8 so travelling is always very much 'hm i want to go insane'#and then booking a plane ticket.#to give a better idea of my bizarre psychology:#i travelled cross country to california and i stood on the pacific ocean beach and went#“hm. not far enough. hawaii next.”#maybe a good thing i didn't get into that graduate school because i probably would have faked my death and taken on a new identity#i didn't stand on the beach in rhode island and go 'hm not far enough. next stop: france' which says a lot about my derison for europe#also the fact that i don't know any french people.#if you live in france and want to hang out with me next time i go insane hit me up i guess
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ok i'm applying for a master's program
#for next fall#and i'm not applying for multiple. just this one and only if i can get the graduate assistantship#free ma? and just for continuing to tutor in writing??? the thing i already did for 2 years and like doing???#and this particular program is still relatively close to home#AND has 2 certificates for TESOL and english teaching AND has classes on prof writing sociolinguistics and teaching#those are all my favorite things#and if it doesn't work out i guess i'll stop wasting time and get a job#but oh my gosh. please. please#it seems so perfect#i had to drop the JET program even though i made it in so please God let me do this instead
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every email i receive from my university takes a year off my lifespan
#hey dude! ran out of housing for next year :) even though you weren’t even permitted to apply for housing yet. lol#also average rent in town is a billion dollars and your left nut#oh btw!!!! the class we harassed you into taking is actually a repeat cause we didn’t believe that you already took it#so you’ll get no credit unless you drop :) take a five hour advanced molecular neuroscience lab instead :)#also we mistakenly told you you were on track but actually you would need to take 22 credit hours for the#next 3 semesters to graduate on time :3#like okay my brother i’ll just transfer home again#also the serial groper is back and has been reported EXCLUSIVELY near your residence hall and most frequent bus stop :)
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