#never had a run go this well before
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for some reason this hardcore run has been my best, most successful run of all the other times I've played disco elysium??
the most homoerotic, the most efficient, the most everything. what is happening.
#I'm on day 2 and#like I'm at the ruby bit and got Joyce to give up her info#earned the hardie boys about rhe tribunal#shot the body down and did such s thorough investigation first day that give was like “we did everything we could have and then some wow”#got the green ape pen#stole the raincoat#so much efficiency this time around and on hardcore mode of all things#even got the aces high AND aces low with kim so we are In Love eith his very specific +2 empathy bonus to him only#like man paid my room off both days and had EXTRA#never had a run go this well before#and of course it would be my the one time I'm regular boring honor law officialing my way through#I'm just a highly successful competent bisexual detective man with a tragic past that I deserve to grow from#also idc if I have to savescum this one thing bc I had to betray the cool poet lorry dude for this so I am NOT gonna let ruby kill herself#FOR THE COOL POET LORRY DRIVER#WHO SELLS OFFBRAND ADIDAS SLAV MERCH#tate talks#need to change that since new name#but w/e for now#tate plays disco elysium#disco elysium
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I SWEAR CELEBI'S THINGY IS COMING SOON BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS ALRIGHT
yeaah... future trio got me too...
and Darkrai is there too, because of course he is.
hey look i drew a cute Drifloon :D
...ignore the rest
whatever started at Darkrai doodles ended in brainrot of future trio + darkrai and I'm blaming @scribz-ag24 for this
#Can you believe between the first pic and the 4th pic is only a week inbetween. I sure can't but like why did I mirror the pose...#ON ACCIDENT??? Everytime I look at the two Grovyles I'm like... how... how did they end up so differently???#also probably blaming @cozybells as well for this but I really fear tagging people so I'm just letting y'all know in the tags because#I do wanna let everyone know who inspired me when someone did <333 better get running [you know who you are!!!!] DusnoirXDarkrai is next...#also: upon seeing scribz-ag24's art my brain said: You need to color too! ah yeah that went well with the doodle batch#I really hope you're able to read everything with how messy I can write sometimes. If not please let me know and I'll add sth in this post!#Also the doodle batch was the first thing I drew so well... never drew dusknoir before and grovyle once i think...#please go easy on me I have yet to explore the relationship between literally everyone😭 and I have no idea what I‘m doing and I'm a little#lost I normally only draw King Boo or Darkrai but I'm sure scribz-ag24 sprinkling in bits of Darkrai got me in love with the future trio to#grovyle#future trio#celebi#darkrai#dusknoir#pmd hero#pokemon#drifloon#totodile#my art#my stuff#tagas friend spoiler#pmd#pokemon mystery dungeon#IS THERE A SHIP NAME FOR FUTURE TRIO... there must be. ...oh... is it just...#futuretrioshipping#i feel sooo stupid rn.#also everytime i drew darkrai i had evil spiteful bastard in mind (except for the one with an arrow pointing out he's redeemed) but i think#i literally mixed every possible version of him in my head so got absolutely no clue what i'm doing :D#anyways i hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading through my ramblings! Have such a wonderful rest of the day yippiee <333#pmd2
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do you think the reason agatha’s trial felt weird is because she was the only one who did not actually buy into the mythos of the road since she knew the truth? like that was why no perspective change and all the other reasons why people thought it was a fake trial
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#txt#i really liked the idea behind how the witches road came to be#like showing her and nicky coming up with the lyrics and everything#but i felt like there was a lot of these last two episodes that felt weird or jarring#i think that’s partly the fault of it being such a short run time for the whole show in general (tbh that’s probably like most of it)#but there were just also weird choices? idk#like jen’s big declaration about protecting them in honor of Lilia or w.e and then just.. flying off to nowhere??#or the way Both billy and agatha kept switching how they felt about each other with like every sentence#I did really like her thing where she helped him get tommy a body though#and her and rios vibes were off too. like it felt like there should have been a little more build up before they fought after the road?#like when they were still talking on the road it felt like they could have done more with it#just like jen getting her powers back could have been more#or billy standing up for agatha could have been more#billy’s homecoming and attempting to banish agatha too#I liked that his parents were there but it was so quick and then he just.. leaves again?? no problem?? and I guess they’re fine with it now#like it felt like the things they did well. they did really well#while everything else felt.. idk.. kinda flat?#which honestly was the same feeling I had after watching agatha’s trial episode#honestly this show need at least another 3 or 4 episodes if not more#and I know people are going to make this all about agatha and rio but i really don’t think that’s the issue#i do think the story could have benefited more from showing more of their actual backstory or a few more interactions with them or just#like i said earlier done more with what they had. again that scene on the road before rio dips could have been used way more effectively#and I don’t mean in like having them be soft or lovey like I know a lot of people wanted (never be against that) but I don’t think it was#needed.. but Something was??#i feel like overall what everyone went through on the road didn’t actually truly effect them or change them?#like jen left. agatha and rio were like back to liek the road never happened. everyone else but billy is dead#i think the only person who was truly changed was maybe billy?#which makes the whole journey feel so unsatisfying? like things could still have ended the same while still showing them changed? idk
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Overhead, the stars shone clear and bright, and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn, on the foothills across this very city, though she might be little more than a strange, mighty being from another world, he offered up a prayer anyway.
Then, he had begged Mala to protect Aelin from Maeve when they entered Doranelle, to give her strength and guidance, and to let her walk out alive. Then, he had begged Mala to let him remain with Aelin, the woman he loved. The goddess had been little more than a sunbeam in the rising dawn, and yet he had felt her smile at him.
Tonight, with only the cold fire of the stars for company, he begged her once more.
A curl of wind sent his prayer drifting to those stars, to the waxing moon silvering the camp, the river, the mountains.
He had killed his way across the world; he had gone to war and back more times than he cared to remember. And despite it all, despite the rage and despair and ice he'd wrapped around his heart, he'd still found Aelin. Every horizon he'd gazed toward, unable and unwilling to rest during those centuries, every mountain and ocean he'd seen and wondered what lay beyond... It had been her. It had been Aelin, the silent call of the mating bond driving him, even when he could not feel it.
They'd walked this dark path together back to the light. He would not let the road end here.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#Essar#Mala#more starry quotes#lord of the north#I will find you#no spoilers pls 1st read to read along with me pt 4 of 4 perspectives more notes/quotes/reacts in tags; spoilers in both post & tags#They would not all go in all go out. — he won’t leave without Aelin… and probably Cairn dead#Ready to unleash hell when he sent a flare of his magic diverting soldiers to their side while Rowan made his run for Aelin.#She'd protested but even Gavriel had told her that she was mortal. Untrained. And what she'd done today… Rowan didn’t have the words#thank you for Elide appreciation day#He trusted Essar. She'd never liked Maeve had outright said she did not serve her with any willingness or pride.#But these last few hours before dawn when so many things could go wrong...#the full circle of him praying to Mala in HoF and then mentioning it in QoS and EoS and now here in KoA😭#She had to be there. Aelin had to be there.#If they had come so close but wound up being the very thing that had caused Maeve to take Aelin away AGAIN#The bond within him lay dark and slumbering. No indication of her proximity. — Maeve doing that too AGH I HATE HER SO MUCH#Essar had no idea that Aelin was being kept here until Elide informed her. How many others hadn't known? How well had Maeve hidden her?#— maybe that means there’s some good face on their side who might help if they know or learn?#ah rowaelins love language of revenge and compartmentalizing#Overhead the stars shone clear and bright and though Mala had only once appeared to him at dawn on the foothills across this very city#though she might be little more than a strange mighty being from another world he offered up a prayer anyway.#his magic sending a prayer to the northern stars for dawn to stay with the woman he loves — even back then😭#Tonight with only the cold fire of the stars for company he begged her once more.#HE SAYS COLD FIRE BECAUSE ITS NOT HIS FIREHEART😭 and the the darkness back to the light — IT WILL NOT END HERE WE WONT LET IT HE WONT LET IT#and the fact he knew he loved her back then😭 and all those centuries before when he didn’t know why😭😭😭
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my mum died last night
#i was with her. i spoke comforting words to her as her breathing slowed#she didn't suffer - she wasn't in any pain. she heard me and became slower and slower then i... saw her die#i never predicted i'd be there at the moment of death#it was her time. her body had been slowly shutting down the last three days and she'd been officially dying for 5 months#she was so strong. she was hanging on for me. needing to know i'd be able to survive with her gone#once it was clear that things were gonna be fine (besides the emotional toll) she started to truly let go#i've been with her whenever i could be the last three days. and night nurses watched her as i slept#last nights nurse woke me to be with her in her final moments#besides hearing me talk the last few days - i was also running star trek for her to listen to#she couldn't communicate or move but we all knew she was aware of things around her#i gave her words of reassurance and comfort and the last words she heard me say were ''i love you''#and three days ago before she lost the ability to speak the last words she managed were ''i love you''#so things went as well as they could be considering the situation#she died a little over 12 hours ago. it was 7 hours before they could take the body away. that was. haunting#it's been a rough day. worst day of my life. but mum is at peace now. and i have a lot of kind people to support me#everything will be okay eventually and i have my whole life ahead of me and mum wants that life to be good#so i musn't give up. now matter how depressed i feel
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i'm a very don't tolerate bullshit kind of person and I respect and expect it so much when other people are real and straight up with me anyways whatever I say stems from my own thoughts and I cannot lie to you and tell you to do something I think is stupid if you ask for advice. anyways an acquaintance of mine who majored in English unless you want to work in primary school for a pay of barely 700 dollars complained how her parents want her to get a masters degree and she's thinking about getting one in marketing or something similar and then later on spreading into tech saying how she can work as a data analyst and I literally almost laughed out loud like it's absolutely insane how little university life prepares us for the future and how absolutely useless it is that you have university graduates here thinking they can work a job that requires a degree in either IT or economy as someone who read and talked about books for grades like please be so serious right now. I'm not upset with her for thinking this is possible just the general society for letting these young people down by telling them every career option is valid and it doesn't really matter what you study in university because it does
#in a general scheme of things it doesn't matter what you study in university when u study useless shit and never get a chance to work#a job related to that#but people who majored in medicine#mathematics engineering biology physics etc like you dont hear them talk about how studies don't actually matter bc they're working jobs#they studied for#adding law onto it as well#like we really need less people in humanities I'm not saying we need no people in humanities#humanities are really important but we need LESS people in them#and we also need less people in universities in general#go learn a skill you can actually use to make money off of in the real word we need electricians and people fixing shit around the house#we need people making ceramic or wooden floors we need carpenters#we dont need more people majoring in English abeg#the society and the school system is failing the younger generations so much by affirming their ideas of what the world looks like#because a highschooler cannot know whats best for them in the long run and we need to aid them#and i wish someone told me this before I went to university I would've saved myself so much trouble and time#and im not complaining bc i genuinely have it so much better than at least like 50% of my ex classmates#i have an appartment#a job that pays me okay#a side hustle#a car even though its old#savings#a future plan#idea of what im going to do and where I'm going to end up#but if i had someone advise me from the beginning I would've saved so much time and effort
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"Every Shatterspace contains a shard: creates a distorted version of our reality"
"If we bring them back here, and connect them to this real one— then maybe there is a chance..."
(Sonic Prime is not a multiverse story, it's one universe that got destroyed/distorted)
"They're not your real friends"
"Nine and all the rest of them are real!"
Sonic, you do understand that if reality gets restored, and the Shatterverse stops existing (because it wouldn't be shattered anymore), so would the shatterspaces, and everyone who lives there: everything would just go back to the way it was before.
But if you consider them real, you only have two choices:
Bring the shards together and restore your reality, bringing back your friends in the process, but the people created by the shattering of the Prism would go back to being just parts of your friends and seize to exist separately?
Or leave it be, and lose your friends forever, but their counterparts would still exist as their own entities?
So what would it be, Sonic?
Who has more right to exist?
#though I don't really feel like sonic had shown us that he considers the shatterverse counterparts separate people#even disregarding the way he acted in new yoke the first time (since it was the first time and he had no idea what's going on)#later he still expects nine to shrug off his issues the way tails did in the flashback#(and apparently always does since 'tails never gets upset')#he projects knuckles's personality traits onto dread — traits that dread doesn't have. sonic just expects him to because to him he's knux#idk man. there's a lot of examples in earlier episodes too. like him refusing to fight thorn because she's amy. but you could say#it was a long time ago and his attitude changed: well clearly not since he's still acting the same way at No Place#sonic prime#sonic prime spoilers#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#I know the palm tree plays into this somehow but idk how#and I want Sonic to actually struggle with this#not some 'untying people from the tracks before the trolley runs them over' type of bs. make it interesting!
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i’m home !!
procedure went real well, everything was really smooth and almost as soon as they said, “you can count backwards if you want,” i don’t think i even said ten before i was suddenly in recovery and sipping some ginger ale.
honestly the worst part was the iv because they had to do it on the side of my wrist because apparently my veins are crooked ?? i just hate ivs anyway so that’s no surprise but other than that no complaints.
everyone was real nice and made sure i was well taken care of (my nurse even had me pee one more time before so she wouldn’t have to do a catheter which with my history…..thank you)
but yeah, i’ll have a follow up in about a month just to make sure everything’s good and the iud is doing its thing !!
i do have some cramping and bleeding but that’s normal, although a little funny because i literally just stopped my period yesterday but…oh well !! hopefully in a few months i won’t have hardly any so this we can handle and i hace some medicine (and my ~medicine) that’ll help so i’m all set.
mom had to go run some errands so my little recovery buddy is keeping me company. also, a moment of recognition for my new favorite shirt (thank you as always, Boss Dog Art; i’ve already got my eye on another one that says, “i think therefore i am against transphobia around the world” or something like that and it’s got a cool skeleton on it; this is my third shirt from them and they’re really comfy and good quality so not sponsored but check them out, they seem cool):
#It’s been a rough week leading up to this i’m not gonna lie#one of my neighbors was shooting on Sunday when i was in the pool#which i’m used to at this point#but for some reason i got triggered into a panic attack#and could not catch my breath#could not calm down for several minutes just scream crying#had to dunk my head underwater a few times and splash myself in the face#eventually i just buried my face in my towel and screamed cried until i physically had to stop#because i thought i was about to have a heart attack#so that wasn’t so chill#spent the rest of the day shaking#guess you just never know when it’s gonna hit!!#another plane has hit the ptsd towers#sorry#not for nothing though but the shooting stopped so there’s that#they probably thought someone had a fuckin’ ari aster movie turned up over here#nope just a mentally unstable bitch doing her best which clearly isn’t great but what can ya do!!#it was kinda funny though because i’ve been hesitant to go back out there since#but finally yesterday i had even worked longer the day before so i could really enjoy it#it had been sunny all day#no signs of rain#i’m ready to get some exercise in because i knew it might be a while#before i can again so i was really looking forward to a nice 30 minute run#damned if it didn’t start raining as soon as i got out there#and that was fine#i still ran a little got my water weights in#but the kicker was i looked at the weather on my phone and it looked like it was going to keep raining#so i said okay let me just go take a shower and settle in for the night#it didn’t rain and the sun came back out so oh well!#but point is…today went well and i’m doing okay and things could always be worse so no worries <3
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man, sometimes you start plotting out an AU, and you realize that it is going to be of interest to basically no one, so you sigh and decide that it stays on the discord forever
#specifically I’m playing with a gortash redemption postcanon#but it comes from a sort of ‘bad timeline’ ie on my very first run I fucked up Astarion’s romance and never got his act 2 scene#moved on to act 3 without realizing I had done this#got COLD dumped#and just started extrapolating how fucking miserable my Durge would be about it#like Ryla would still slog through and save the world#but I’m durgetash garbage so part of saving the world#in the end#meant killing the only person who ever loved Ryla#and he regrets it. and he’s miserable#and alone#so he goes to withers like “please just one more resurrection#Enver deserves the chance I got#to try and be better#and withers is like well. This makes my favorite mortal happy AND it will make bane SOOOOO MAD.#I see no downsides#so gortash gets a lil true rexzy and he and Ryla get to go on a life changing field trip#but NO ONE wants to read this and I fear for the wank that might come#since Astarion looks kinda. Bad. in this AU#and I’ve had people get mad in my comments over characters that haven’t appeared onscreen/had a chance to speak for themselves yet before#and it was really frustrating and upsetting#and I just don’t wanna do that again
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layla growing to accept herself, finding people who accepted her, and choosing to spurn power given to her and getting to live on for however long her life will be happily
versus sigrud who sought vengeance, helped create a near apocalypse to punish the people who persecuted her and killed her friend, and then embracing power given to her so she can rewrite it all when she came to regret what she did, effectively killing herself in the process
#ama mumbles#layla (oc)#sigrid (oc)#the whole soul of areelus kid and the mythic transformation can lend itself so well to stories of accepting yourself#vs letting others shape you. in both directions! legend can just as easily be the kc giving up power bc iomadae told them to#and they regret it vs the kc keeping the power for themselves and it making it theirs#i just thought it was fun the dichotomy i made with layla and sigrid's story lines#and they both get revenge in their own ways but layla stops before she goes off the deep end#meanwhile sigrid goes too far and then fixes it by going in the extreme other direction#theres also the fact layla was an adult and had the time to refind herself even if she was living on the run#meanwhile sigrid was a child and could never truly grow up to see past the intensity of her emotions
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lbr, johann would be fascinated with barton’s mask and compliment him on how well preserved it is.
❝ holy shit. i almost gave up hope with this stupid card, but it seems like someone is just my type, ❞ barton let out a loud incredulous laugh upon seeing that ALL of the boxes for this card were ticked. he was almost tempted to ask if johann was lying about some of them, but what would he really have to gain from that besides... his favor, i guess you could say? and the other didn't really seem like the type to try to manipulate him. at least, in this way. barton honestly was kind of speechless — he hadn't really planned for someone to be perfectly compatible with him, so what the hell was he supposed to do now?
marriage. that was the only solution.
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#THE CAT. i'm sorry but i have had that meme saved for a while and i've been waiting for just the right moment to use it... so why not now-#am i right? LMAO 💀 i mean it certainly seems kind of appropriate but OFC i'm just joking about them actually getting married#if johann would want to go a date with him though... or a few dates.... and possibly be his bf (WOAH there barton calm down JSJSJ LOL) then#feel free to let me know because. man's might or might not feel like he may explode if he doesn't at least TRY to see if he'd be interested#lolll so yeah. you can definitely say that barton got heart eyes whenever he saw that he got all of his boxes ticked tehe. we LOVE that for#johann though <33 (please run away while you still can johann bc you're NEVER going to be able to get rid of him if you invite him into#your life... kind of like a vampire JSJSJ nah i'm kidding. well partially 💀 )#BUT fr. he's never had someone be fascinated with his mask before? man's usually just gets horrified reactions and for good reason OFC LOL#but i imagine barton would be happy to answer any questions he has about it bc like i said... everyone usually wants to get away from him#bc of it hahahhh
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team star's boss battle music is actually so fucking good???? hello??????
#turns out i was just literally never in battle with any of them long enough to actually hear the whole thing lmAO#i dont think refrain is the right word here but#that second refrain (or w/e around the 2:15 mark up to it looping back around) is just. so fucking good????? it's subtle but good???#maybe around the 1:48 mark but again-- idk what music terms i'm thinking of it's been. a while.#good shit. can't believe i would beat these goobers in less than 2 minutes khdfkjs#had no clue the official theme was closer to six minutes long fjkhasdlkjf#anyways nobody look at me i'm not here#djdksfhl#i just need to talk into the void but like where else am i going to put this???? on facebook????? for my aunties to read???#unsuccessfully fighting off another scarlet fixation#was doing so well on getaway car but brain demanded we think about the sv kiddos again#i'm blaming it on i've been getting back into running and i had to put penny's boss battle music on my running playlist#it'll be a long time until i get to this point but i've already decided it's going to be my push to the 5k finish line music dshfklj#looking at my old running playlist the push to the finish line song i used was the Victory Is Right Before Your Eyes! from bw2 lol#anyways x2 nothing new under the sun here folks#talking tag#hope y'all are good i've genuinely missed you#but being offline is def better for my brain
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nothing that hasn’t been said before but I’ve been mulling over bg/3 and I think the Totality of my own pov is that while I appreciate the resources dedicated to allowing player creativity in the battle mechanics and the sheer volume of replayability across the number of class/race combos, ultimately I think the amount of polish in that space only shines a greater spotlight on the weaknesses present in the character writing, compounded by Larian prioritising catering to loud fan demand over like. how this choice affects replayability and character design.
Wyll is the notable example here as there just. Honestly weren’t enough resources dedicated to developing and seamlessly integrating his rewrite into the narrative (Wyll has no agency in the most defining choice of his arc), nor has Wyll received the same dedication to expanding upon his romance that other characters have.
Another example would be something like Larian making Minthara recruitable in a way that not only breaks immersion for characters desiring to save the grove (why would they leave the war strategist alive out of all those three???), but in fact reduces replayability and negates any desire to explore alt storylines in the game in order to interact with a different companion who is otherwise unavailable.
I’m enjoying my time with this game, absolutely, but the level of care in one area only shines a greater emphasis on what key elements have been neglected in exchange.
#tunes talks bg#as a personal gripe as well - I don’t think Ketheric is a well developed threat#in the sense that like. he had a wonderful establishing scene (which you may not even see until you’ve completed almost all of the rest of#the area) and you are able to encounter characters who show the extents he has been willing to go#but travelling act 2’s area I never felt like. the weight of the threat he possessed around me despite me running around in his backyard#and being in a PLACE that is like this because of him#because his motives are completely inscrutable until right before act 2 ends#I have barely any time to consider the weight of his grief and what he did to try escape it before act 2 just like. Ends#tunes talks critical
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I can go on that ramble about the future and housing and aromanticism though now. It’s like man, the future is already something that is so inconceivable to me. To then have the sexuality that does not allow me to slot in the cookie cutter you find a romantic partner that you end up moving in with is terrible. And like In this economy I sure can’t live alone, and I know at least when I’m sick I desperately want someone to be there. And then there’s I’m likely to move around a bunch how do you deal with that housing, other than the work having paid housing. like constantly having to find somewhere that’s looking for roommates and it isn’t terrible? And then long term, when I find a job I stay at for a while (that’s remote so I’d love to live in a remote place) is it like I find a place to stay and then I’m stuck there forever and I just have to hope that I make good friends at this new place. (Friends that don’t want to live exclusively with a romantic partner no less.) I want to live with close friends so bad and I’m not sure if that’s a feasible thing for my future. I’m a person that has so much hope so I have to assume that yes it will work out, I do believe that. But man just hearing someone mention it, sparks that hope.
#… vaguely related other way too personal ramble#I need to try so hard to keep my friends for a long time. I want it so much#but I’ve never had close friends till now and once I went to a different period in my life the friends I had were gone#and Ive made really close friends now in college and one day I was talking with one of them on a walk home and mentioned still being friend#in 5 years. and they were like that’s not happening this friendgroup isn’t sticking together that long and they were right#at least for them specifically they were the one that came back worse and it’s a big group#there are most definitely different groups inside it and that makes me worry if once I finish college I’ll still chat with them at all#and oh hey tying this into another thought I had earlier… I’m planning on studying abroad next semester (that’s the application I’m procras#inating rn lol) and I’ll be like 8 hours in the future and I guess that’ll be the ultimate test on if I can really keep friends#a trial run before I graduate#and I won’t let this thinking of the future ruin my time now I know that doesn’t help but still.#well… actually summer sorta also is a trial run. and I still talked with them just less often and in a different way… it’s gonna be okay#this is a post i made#uh I am bad at tagging if things are vent posts or not#vent#oh I completely forgot to put the online part of the tag ramble! Ive made quite a few friends online and we talk for a while and I love the#and then it’s a every once in a while going hey I still care about you but I can’t hold a conversation for the life of me#and now there’s. you know who. who I care about so much and we say things I never imagined people saying about me#and I am so scared? (… sure) that that’s gonna go the same way. and I’m not sure reassurance on any of this will really help I think it’ll#just be I will only be less scared of the future as time passes and it’s proven to be wrong#mh hit the I want to keep this all inside and not let this out to not make other people think about it thing#… okay now I need to make a joke that is so tonal whiplash cause uhhh okay siffrin#… I need to go to sleep it’s late I’m sure that’s why all these feelings are being brought up… ’I’m fine’ as great role model siffrin says#… but it doesn’t feel real that people care about me. that I do actually have an impact. that I’m actually a note in someone’s story#I know it logically everyone I’ve ever known is part of me but it’s so hard to imagine that applies to me in others#okay I’m gonna go shower and go to sleep. I wanna say ignore this post but that’s not a good idea I don’t think#though just talking into the void does help a lot. I’m great at talking myself into believing that things are a okay if I just talk about i#… this wasn’t supposed to be a vent or be so long geez
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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude
#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically#where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time#and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time#are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol#christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him#AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun#anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good#after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign#the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters#so we weren't acting on it#and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY#but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics#he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly#he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary#so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao#this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!
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Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭
#my uncle wants me to go get a PhD in quant or finance or information systems and then become a professor#OR#be a lawyer or a dentist#the PhD thing was very specifically catered when I was like 👉🏽👈🏽 I wanna teach#none of those things sound all that appealing..#space law Has Potential#but I think it would make me want to rip my hair out#they were both like. you have two years but then figure your life out by then#and then they were like. what is ur cousin doing. has he proposed yet#and I was like ??? it hasn’t even bee n a year?? I think they’re going to Japan#and oopsies apparently he had not told them they were going to Japan#my bad#after I. very reasonably said it makes sense to wait 2-3 years#he went ‘what is there going to be left to talk about then. life is all downhill from there. might as well get married now’#and. I’ve never ever ever heard that from a human being before#WHAT DO U MEAN YOULL RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TALK ABOUT#I could never#anyways love having my existential crises exacerbated by familial interactions#they just Say Things#I need to study. I’m gonna go do that maybe#actually no I want to complain more. my uncle keeps saying that the problem with space is that there’s only a few cities that work on it.#and that’s gonna limit my choice of partner#(so funny how they say partner. they are very homophobic and have no idea or they’d go THE MAN YOU MARRY like my mother does)#I feel like space is growing…#altho I’m sure that’s what people thought in the 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s#idk some of these bitches have been around since like the 70s and 80s and 90s#so it’s not like they all got fired immediately#my dental hygienist was telling me space was great until Obama slashed the budget#I didn’t have anything to say back considering I was 8 when he was elected and know v little about his policies#anyways. this is a psa to not call ur relatives even to wish them happy bday because then they’ll trap u in conversation and make u question
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