#neurotypical child of autistic adult

[kingproteus]

Don’t normally post really serious stuff (well I don’t MEAN to) and this is so random but like. My moms autistic, and I adore her. And like being raised by her has given me the most valuable tools I’ll ever have. Like I’d be a significantly more shitty person if I’d been raised by a neurotypical woman.

Anyway I’m just posting that cause I feel like the world isn’t filled with enough love for autistic people, and I’d just like to throw my two cents in.

[maculategiraffe]

my sister, who works in child development so I assume she knows, was telling me that the baby's preschool teacher was saying a bunch of things to her that (my sister said to me) "are basically code for 'we think your child might be autistic.'"

and I was like well I mean steve is definitely on the autism spectrum and I probably am and you've been saying you probably are and we secretly think that might also be what's up with our mom, so it wouldn't be surprising if the baby is too, and it certainly wouldn't be a problem. but out of curiosity what does the baby do that seems autistic to them? because I thought the early signs in toddlers were like... problems with joint attention, and ignoring other people. and he's always extremely engaged with me when we hang out

and my sister said "they say he doesn't talk, and he doesn't respond when they call his name, and he spins around in place..."

and I was like huh. well he certainly talks to ME. and responds when I call his name. and when he feels like spinning I simply sing the turn around game song and he loves it and follows all the directions. have they considered that they might just be boring

[bananonbinary]

Are you old enough to use this website

sometimes adults are disabled and poor and live with their also disabled and poor parents so they can take care of each other

this is an extremely common living situation, stop infantilizing disabled people jfc

[spiritrosesaga]

My next blog post will be called;

My Experience as an ADHD Child in a Neurotypical School Setting!

This will be a heavily emotional topic to discuss especially for me, these were the absolute worst moments of my life.

However, how many of you as a child or children today are sick of being forced to work well in a Neurotypical School setting?

The school system needs to change for the betterment of all children, not only neurotypicals!

Kids with disabilities and mental illness deserve a chance at learning and succeeding in school as much as every other child!

Being a kid myself, I should have been accepted and supported by my teachers... not to be treated as a burden because I was too distracting to be around neurotypical children!

I know most, if not all of you felt the same way when you were young!

[onlyonewoman]

Yesterday I fucked up

I have ADD and autism. MOST of the time, people tend to not think of it, because I’m quite high functioning, meaning it can sometimes be really frustrating when they underestimate my problems, despite me telling about them repeatedly. Well, yesterday I, a 40-year old woman, who can count the major fights with my hubby over 18 years on our combined fingers. Like, neither of us is the type to be loud and screaming, or ignoring one another. We talk it out and then realise we’re morons, make some more coffee and go about our day. Now, my hubby is neurotypical and I’m very grateful for that. He’s my rock, he has supported me through shitty times, he’s never tried to change the way I am and always respects my personal space. There’s a reason why I waited more than 15 years for him to be ready to get married. The thing is, being generally quite high functioning with two major, invisible disabilities, OFTEN make people assume my difficulties aren’t that bad OR, which is almost as bad, start trying to solve a problem FOR me without my input. The latter was what made me explode yesterday. See, in a few months time, we have to temporarily move out due to a huge renovation which, of course, is stressful, but our landlord is great and things are handled very well. My hubby, who has a great work memory and a lot better planning skills, has been the best by being responsible for gathering the information about the temporary move, calling our landlord etc. This is awesome and I’m SO grateful for that. The problem is, my hubby started to take over A LOT more than I ever said I wanted him to and it all started with our old freezer. You see, generally, I take care of stuff like cleaning the drains, defrosting our freezer, the laundry etc. by myself, and our old freezer that will be exchanged to a new one after the renovations, is... fucked up. So, naturally, I wanted to defrost our big freezing box that we bought two years ago. i also wanted to collect a bunch of old books to get to second hand and place them in a box. My hubby said no to me starting with the books and that just... stopped my flow, but I figured I could start with the freezer instead and then he came in and said no, like... Like I was a child messing up the kitchen, instead of a grown ass woman who knows exactly what she’s doing. I LOST it. And I mean REALLY lost it. I kicked our piles with folded laundry around and wiped down everything on the top of our bureou in the hallway (nothing that could be borken, thankfully) and then I just left, slamming the door REALLY hard and running out in the middle of the night. It was awful and it’s one of only two major autistic meltdowns I’ve ever displayed as an adult. I scared the living hell out of my husband and, which I feel VERY guilty about: he was scared I’d turn violent. I’ve not been violent to anyone since I was ten or something and I grew up in a family where my parents and older sibling unfortunately often had HUGE fights where no one could control their temper or voice - and things DID turn violent at times too. It was absolutely awful that I showed the same signs of uncontrolled anger as I had experienced - and been SO scared of - as a child. So that was on me, completely, and i apologised profusely when I came back and we finally could talk.

No excuse for that.

Now we come to WHY I acted out like that.

My husband treated me like a child and very casually told me no about something I wanted to do that:

1. I had every right to do. 2. Was very much capable of doing. 3. Didn’t require his help or input.

He didn’t suggest or ask me not to defrost the freezer, he said “we’re not doing that now”.

There’s a HUGE difference between “I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that now” and “we’re not doing that now”.

The first one is an opinion from one adult to another, the second one is a child being told no from an adult. In that moment, I very much felt like I was treated like an unreasonable child, by an adult who thought I couldn’t take care of things I’ve done plenty. My husband, on the other hand, thought he was helping and didn’t understand that his “we’re not doing that now” didn’t come out like a question AT ALL, but a casual order, a “no” to a stupid child. THAT, more than anything, caused my crash and burn. But the worst of it, was that I didn’t think twice about how absolutely insane it was for me to take orders from him, let alone him giving them. My brain immediately went to “I’m not being heard = he doesn’t listen = he thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about because I’m autistic = he doesn’t trust me to make decisions = he thinks it’s just fine for him to tell me no like I’m a child”. Enter cause and effect: absolute explosion. He thought he was helping me by not having me take on more work: I thought he was telling me I couldn’t be trusted to defrost the fucking freezer. Eventually we managed to talk it out properly and we’re fine now, but we both take responsibility for our different fuckups. He, by listening to me and admitting that just because defrosting the big freezer seemed unnecessary and/or difficult to HIM, it was neither of those things to ME. And so he apologised for making unilateral decisions about things I didn’t need his input for. I, in turn, apolgised both for blowing up so much, for throwing things around and for scaring him. Today, he made a check off list for things needing to be done before the move and put up on the refrigerator so I could have control too and I made a nice dinner and raspberry pie to make up some for scaring him.

It was a shitty experience for both of us, to say the least, but it also came out with some good things:

1. He realised he doesn’t have to handle all the planning alone. 2. I realised what I saw as patronizing, was a genuine attempt at helping. 3. He understood that a major thing like a move, REQUIRES me being in control on MY terms - of course as long as it doesn’t cause him problems and vice verca. 4. I defrosted the motherfucking freezer today and showed him first hand how damn stupid he was for trying to talk me out of it in the first place. Moral of the story? Don’t treat a disabled person like a child, unless you’re prepared to take a fullblown meltdown.

[dreamsicle-bbones]

why do I have to explain anything when everyone is committed to misunderstanding me anyway?

[midwestgender]

i feel like the most prominent voices on things like functioning labels tend 2 be low support needs/verbal autistics and as one of those 'types' of autistics who has grown up around higher support needs autistics i think its interesting how comfortable people who have like. never known or interacted with a nonverbal autistic person on a personal level OR their caretakers feel entitled to speak on them. like tbh i dont think being autistic always makes you the most informed person on all aspects of autism bc its such a specific personal experience to each person with this diagnosis. and i dislike when people automatically dismiss people who want to communicate about level of care differences and the struggles of caretakers bc its an important discussion and just bc it makes you uncomfortable doesnt mean you can neglect it especially if you purport yourself as like a hashtag autistic influencer or whatever

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

so… how does autism even happen? they say “there’s only in increase in numbers because they have better ways to diagnose” but I’ve seen two, normal and brain healthy adults have severely autistic kids. not to be “that person” but I genuinely believe it could be due to over vaccinating or all the chemicals we consume in food and products on a daily basis.

so are they just using the better ways of diagnosing as an excuse to why autism is increasing so they don’t have to admit they’re poisoning us? is it really a true statement that the amount of people born with autism has stayed the same and it is just because of better diagnostics?

I just can’t comprehend how two healthy adults, with no familial history of autism or anything like it, is at all possible. it must be what we consume, because the amount of chemicals and bioengineered products we consume daily now is absolutely mind blowing. I could totally see how a mother consuming these things whilst pregnant, and before, could lead to her birthing a child with brain issues.

i’m not trying to be ignorant - I just think autism (severe case - can’t be touched, can’t speak, can’t regulate emotions..) is really really really hard to deal with, for the individual yes but also for the parents. I couldn’t imagine not being able to touch or talk to my child, and I would feel absolutely awful if I caused that by what I consumed.

id like to be a mother someday, I have no family history of autism, nor does my partner. but… I know my limits, and having an autistic child would be quite the battle for me. even though mine and my partners bloodline is clean, is it still a likely risk?

Before getting started: I am NOT going over something like this again, so please do NOT send questions like this.

Question 1:

so... how does autism even happen? they say "there's only in increase in numbers because they have better ways to diagnose" but l've seen two, normal and brain healthy adults have severely autistic kids. not to be "that person" but l genuinely believe it could be due to over vaccinating or all the chemicals we consume in food and products on a daily basis.

Answer: two healthy people can have an autistic child. The same way two healthy people can have Down syndrome. Autism itself is a neurodevelopment disorder that affects how we learn and communicate. These disorders affect both the brain and spinal cord. If you do some actual research, the autistic brain is actually a bit larger than a neurotypical one. We have a smaller amygdala however, which helps regulate emotions. That could explain the emotional dysregulation. This disorder literally affects how the brain works. It’s not the same as a neurotypical one. We’re called neurodivergent for a reason.

Question 2:

so are they just using the better ways of diagnosing as an excuse to why autism is increasing so they don't have to admit they're poisoning us? is it really a true statement that the amount of people born with autism has stayed the same and it is just because of better diagnostics?

Answer: Autism itself is a complex disorder and was barely understood years ago. There’s no sign that vaccines are raising. If it were, then mostly everybody would be autistic. But this is not this case.

Here’s an article about the “autism epidemic” as people like the call it:

Question 3:

I’m not going into this part, because this is where you start to get delusional. Like I said before, it’s a developmenttal disorder that ANYONE can have regardless of family history. Yes, Autism tends to run in families, but there can be some where autism doesn’t run in families. Anyone can have autism. It doesn’t matter if it runs in families or not.

We have gotten better with diagnostics because of our more advanced technology. Autism isn’t rising. We’re just getting better at diagnosing and understanding the disorder. It’s still unknown what exactly causes it or how it happens. Some say it’s environmental, others say it could be genetics.

Yes, autism can be hard and difficult to live with. And the fact that you are insinuating that you wouldn’t or like to have neurodivergent child, then you probably shouldn’t be a mother. I would love my child and take care of them, no matter the circumstances. Even if they couldn’t talk, that wouldn’t make me love them less.

Do some research, spend some time talking to autistic people and parents to see their experiences and thoughts. We’re human beings, just like you.

[alpaca-clouds]

Neurodiversity & Rejection Sensitivity Disphoria

Starting with this graphic by @adhd-alien

Okay, let me talk about Rejection Sensitive Disphoria, which is something ADHD folks - but also autistic folks - struggle with a lot. And technically speaking... it is a trauma response. This is nothing that just happens to a neurodiverse brain as is, but it is an effect of trauma.

A lot of neurodiverse people - especially ADHD people - encounter a lot of rejection during their life. They get criticized for being inattentive, for being "lazy", for being "weird", for being too attached, and too detatched. Basically, we cannot do anything right. We often struggle to maintain friendship, especially with neurotypical people, who find our behavior grading.

There is always the saying among neurodiverse people: "We have best friends, but we are never anyone's best friend", because of this and because we often only have the emotional energy to maintain a few friendships at once.

There has been a study done a while ago and it found, that a typical child with ADHD would experience about 50 small rejections within each and every day. 50! 50 times that someone told them "You did this wrong" or "You are wrong". And in a lot of times the people giving these rejections do not think about it as much. But for the kid, it leaves an impression. Because they learn, they cannot do anything right.

Because of this, each rejection feels even more horrible to them. Even as an adult. Something that is not meant as a big slant against them, turns into it in their mind. Like, even a small criticism. Take one like this: "Tone it down." Because we often have problems regulating our voice. And just this small thing feels... horrible.

And, yeah... We struggle with this. It is a trauma response. Nothing else.

But if we bring it up to someone - for example, someone who keeps bringing out those small rejections - we are often depicted by them as self-centered and the like.

Ever since I learned about RSD, I have an easier time dealing with it. Because I can now gage that moment, where it kicks in and go in, telling my brain: "Hey, stop this crap, that is not what they meant and you know it". But... I also would fucking appreciate if neurotypical people had a bit more chill with us.

[jellycatstuffies]

Why do autistic people like stuffies/plushies so much?🧸❤️

Support: Taking a stuffie/plushie with us when we go out in public (especially to potentially scary places like doctor’s offices or places with lots of sensory input like grocery stores and public transport) can help us feel safer. Basically, in any situation that could make us feel anxious, a stuffie/plushie can make us feel less anxious and more comfortable. 2. Collections: Autistic people often like to collect objects. A lot of us also love organizing, cataloging/categorizing our collection. (For example, I have an excel spreadsheet for my personal Jellycat collection and another one for Jellycats in general that has over 1700 Jellycats cataloged and organized in detail) Lining up our stuffies/plushies, for example lining them up neatly on shelves or reorganizing our shelves can bring us joy as well. 3. Sensory Joy/Stimming: Stuffies/plushies can bring us what’s called “sensory joy” as opposed to “sensory pain” caused by stimuli that feel overwhelming or painful to us. A lot of autistic people love soft things, whether it’s a soft blanket, a soft sweater or a soft and cuddly stuffie/plushie! We can stim with them in many ways, for example by petting them or brushing their fur. The way we stim with our stuffies/plushies can vary from person to person. Please don’t stop us from stimming with them. We are just trying to soothe ourselves and not harming anyone.

4. Social comfort/ A friend to talk to: Autistic people are often extremely lonely and fail to connect with people. A stuffie/plushie can be a real friend for us. We give them names, we create entire personalities for them, we ascribe them specific character traits. All of these things bring us comfort and joy and talking to and caring for our stuffie/plushie friends can ultimately help us feel less lonely. In a world where autistic people face rejection on a daily basis, it is a great comfort that they will never reject us and will always be there to listen to us no matter what.

5. Our inner child: A lot of autistic people have an inner child/ a child-like personality and stuffies/plushies appeal to them because of that. (and to anyone who has ever tried to steer an autistic person towards “more age-appropriate interests and behaviors”, you actually make things worse for us not better, please don’t do that)

Finally, this should go without saying, but if you see any of the above-mentioned behaviors especially in public, please be respectful. These things are part of what helps us cope with everyday life and may prevent sensory overload, shutdowns or meltdowns.

Note: This specifically refers to autistic adults who love stuffies/plushies, not autistic children!

In autistic children loving stuffies/plushies is seen as “normal” and “unproblematic” in most cases. In fact, autistic children that don’t like stuffies/plushies or don’t show an interest in them like their neurotypical peers are often perceived as odd.

Let me know in the comments or tags how your stuffies/plushies/whatever your preferred term for them is help you, and why you like them so much!

-Victor

[infiniteglitterfall]

here, have some Official-Looking Info on Autistic Burnout

“Having All of Your Internal Resources Exhausted Beyond Measure and Being Left with No Clean-Up Crew”: Defining Autistic Burnout

Although autistic adults often discuss experiencing 'autistic burnout,' and attribute serious negative outcomes to it, the concept is almost completely absent from the academic and clinical literature. Lay summary Why was this study done? Autistic burnout is talked about a lot by autistic people but has not been formally addressed by researchers. It is an important issue for the autistic community because it is described as leading to distress; loss of work, school, health, and quality of life; and even suicidal behavior.

This is one of those "WE ALL KNEW THAT" studies, where they have to study and write about Things We Already Know in order to make them part of the Official Body of Knowledge out there, and maybe even get useful research done on them.

I went digging on Google Scholar because I want to be able to send my smol child's summer day camp director something that actually explains why he's only shown up two days in the past two weeks.

I would kind of rather have something in the form of a cute handout, but I didn't think of that before I hit Google Scholar. (Also, the first thing I found in a regular Google search was kind of basic and kind of confusing; it seemed to be referring to shutdown, but was calling it burnout.)

What were the results of the study? The primary characteristics of autistic burnout were chronic exhaustion, loss of skills, and reduced tolerance to stimulus. Participants described burnout as happening because of life stressors that added to the cumulative load they experienced, and barriers to support that created an inability to obtain relief from the load. These pressures caused expectations to outweigh abilities resulting in autistic burnout. From this we created a definition:

Autistic burnout is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic life stress and a mismatch of expectations and abilities without adequate supports. It is characterized by pervasive, long-term (typically 3+ months) exhaustion, loss of function, and reduced tolerance to stimulus.

Participants described negative impacts on their lives, including health, capacity for independent living, and quality of life, including suicidal behavior. They also discussed a lack of empathy from neurotypical people. People had ideas for recovering from autistic burnout, including acceptance and social support, time off/reduced expectations, and doing things in an autistic way/unmasking.

Oh, wow, this is a good burn:

...mental health treatment/therapy as a means of remediating burnout came up, but in the context of a missing resource, a negative experience, or unrelated to burnout (e.g., for treating a co-occurring mental health condition).

Yeah. That tracks.

[drdemonprince]

I always used to think about like sending authors I liked letters but somehow that felt too personal and weird but I guess messaging you on tumblr from my torture fetish blog is fine yeah. Anyway I just wanted to say I’ve been a fan of your writing for a while and I’ve always found that even if I disagreed with your ideas, they were thought provoking and made me consider new perspectives, which is something I appreciate. I’m also trans and autistic and I finally got my hands on unmasking autism in my local library and really enjoyed it.

I know I’m not exactly the target audience, as I was diagnosed as a child and don’t mask as much as some autistics, but I actually found I resonated a lot with it and it also helped me empathise more with other autistics I know who do have more of these experiences that I don’t share. I wanted to reflect on the fact that despite knowing I was autistic from an early age, I still feel that I have been pressured into hiding and compensating for my autistic and adhd traits (which I was diagnosed with as an adult, you know, because the previous version of the dsm didn’t let you have both), both intentionally through special education and being penalised for these traits and passively through absorbing societal ableism and prejudice.

Masking is definitely something more intentional for me, and I appreciated that you did touch on how for some of us it is necessary to our survival in certain contexts. I’m a nursing student and while I think I still come off as obviously neurodivergent to a lot of people, I do have a work persona that I find I have to put on, and even in the organising space, I feel that I also have to be more considerate of how I’m socialising and how I come across to others.

I helped found and run the disabled and neurodivergent students society at my university and in doing so I’ve come across a lot of autistics, the majority of whom were diagnosed or self realised as adults and have had to go through a process of unmasking. I have unfortunately found that even among these groups, I still feel the need to mask and I am often judged for my authentic autistic self. I do worry that if I totally unmasked I would actually just not be a pleasant person to be around. I’ve lost friends who have seen me have meltdowns, which can be destructive and distressing for people around me, and I think by nature I am quite blunt, stubborn and maybe don’t have a very agreeable personality, which to me is part of my autism, but other autistics around me still see this as a personal flaw of mine.

I’ve even had to leave a local autism organisation as their policies were very exclusionary and they did not want to listen to feedback or make any changes, and this was mostly attended and run by later realised or diagnosed autistics who seemed to have a lot of internalised and lateral ableism. They intentionally excluded people with learning disabilities from the group and would not let people attend with carers as this made others ‘feel less comfortable sharing their thoughts openly in that space’. I guess I just wanted to highlight this because we still have a long way to go as a community to truly accept our unmasked selves and peers and we need a hell of a lot of societal and structural change for people to truly be able to live authentic lives.

I also just wanted to quickly ask, why do you choose to use neurodiverse as opposed to neurodivergent when talking about people who do not fit societal norms? I always thought that neurodiverse included both neurodivergent and neurotypical people and was more about the diversity of populations, whereas neurodivergent specifically refers to people whose minds diverge from the neurotypical standards. Either way, it was a great read and I will for sure be recommending it to others in my community! Thank you for all your work! -S

Hey thanks for the message!

Oh god yeah, newly realized and newly unmasking Autistics can truly be such nightmares to be around in terms of projecting their internalized ableism at every fuckin body, speaking over nonverbal and intellectually disabled people, prioritizing their own concerns, and insisting upon a singular community point of view. I have some complicated feelings about writing The Book that encourages them and speaks directly to them, because I don't think centering the more privileged and therefore dangerous within a heavily marginalized group necessarily benefits anyone else in said group, and can worsen existing power imbalances... but still, I wrote the book that I desperately had needed when I was still figuring this stuff out, and I'm grateful to hear that some of it still resonated with you and was helpful in conveying how others feel.

I also have determined that in a lot of public spaces I pretty much do have to mask, at least by inhibiting myself heavily, and it's really sad and draining, but it is also the experience of the majority of my Autistic siblings in the world. I have unusual ways of moving, emotions do not come easily or consistently to me, I lack empathy, I find most social exchanges pointless or annoying but still want people to care about me, I am impatient and easily flustered and defensive, I have a somewhat controlling codependent bent and a deep fear of abandonment that can turn manipulative and BPD-y, there is a lot of shit about me that I often feel I need to keep on lock. It is alienating especially when I bump against more respectable and emotionally highly sensitive Autistics who wish to connect in a particular way and are disappointed that I can't give them the glimmering positivity that they like. This is worsened by so many of the aforementioned high masking Autistics being white Midwestern woman socialized and incapable of contending with any negativity or even just neutral even handedness. I know how exhausting that shit is to deal with, is what I'm saying, and honestly sometimes it makes me feel some type of way to see my book being so heralded by people of a kind highly likely to socially aggress against someone like me. But ultimately this is all just pattern recognition and I can't really tell.

As for the neurodiverse/vergent usage it's a long story but basically comes down to some editorial feedback I got at a crucial point in the process. For the sequel, Unmasking for Life, I have gone back to occasionally using neurodivergent, though I prefer neuroconformity / nonconformity as a framework for describing things instead these days. It's not a one to one replacement of the term ND, it's more contextual and flexible and I think a hell of a lot more precise

thanks for writing

[eelfuneral]

Tech is a grown man and a special ops pilot. He can drink, use firearms, and care for children. He has male pattern baldness and lines on his face. He is a capable adult and I wish that the fandom treated him like one.

Yes, Tech is autistic and has more issues socializing than everyone else, but that doesn’t mean that he needs to be coddled in-universe or by the fandom. He is a grown man who is perfectly capable of figuring out socializing on his own, even if he stumbles more than others. Other characters not understanding him 100% at all times is a fact of life that Tech is likely well aware of as an autistic adult. He is also capable of making genuine mistakes that hurt others to the same degree that a neurotypical person would, and other characters calling him out on it is not ableist. In fact, it would be super weird and ableist for everyone to assume that he is an uwu baby incapable of understanding how to be unkind.

Tech does not need “protection” from other characters flirting with him. Being attracted to an autistic adult is not inherently predatory, and many autistic adults can and do form romantic and/or sexual relationships. Tech almost certainly knows what romance and sex are, and is capable of deciding how interested he is or isn’t in either topic. Him being autistic doesn’t make him a helpless child incapable of understanding “grown-up” topics, and if he ever feels harassed by another character, then I believe that he would not need any help sticking up for himself. Tech is assertive and blunt. He called Cid ugly TO HER FACE once. He does not need Hunter or Wrecker or whoever to intervene for him if he needs to tell someone no or call them out.

Tech isn’t portrayed as innocent and cutesy in canon, but I see this characterization a lot in fanon and I have a hard time believing that it has nothing to do with his autism. As an autistic person who has had to deal with my own classmates talking to me like I was four months old for a good chunk of my childhood, I can’t say that I love this fandom trend.

[gatheringbones]

["The entwined nature of neuronormativity and heteronormativity means that the compulsory performance of neurotypicality is never a gender-neutral performance, but instead is strongly tied to the performance of binary heteronormative gender roles. Normative performance of whichever gender one was assigned at birth is central to what it means to be "normal" in the eyes of the present dominant culture. Thus, when the enforcers of normativity demand that a child "act normal," it's ultimately a demand to either act like a "normal boy" or like a "normal girl," whether or not the demand is explicitly phrased that way.

Since normative performance is always gendered, deviations from neuronormative embodiment are also inevitably deviations from heteronormative embodiment. Whether a given deviation gets interpreted by the enforcers of normativity as a violation of neuronormativity or as a violation of heteronormativity often depends entirely on context and circumstances. In a context in which a child is known to be autistic (or neurodivergent in some other specific and culturally pathologized way), the child's non-normative usage of their hands is likely to be pathologized as a "symptom" of their neurodivergence. But in a different context, those who are policing the child's embodiment are unaware of the child's neurodivergence, the same non-normative hand movements might be flagged as gender violations: children whom adults have labeled as girls might be reprimanded for drumming on the table with their hands or running their fingers vigorously and repeatedly through their hair, on the grounds that such actions are "unladylike"; children whom adults have labeled as boys might be attacked or ridiculed for flapping their hands, on the grounds that such gestures are "gay."

Thus, there are some autistic people who were forced in childhood to suppress their natural hand movements because those hand movements were flagged as "symptoms of autism" and targeted for elimination by autistiphobic adults, and other autistic people who weren't recognized as autistic in childhood but were still forced to suppress their hand movements because those hand movements were violations of heteronormativity that got them targeted for homophobic and transphobic abuse by adults and/or peers. And of course, there are many who were targeted on both neuronormative and heteronormative grounds at different times— e.g., autistics who in their youth were abused by adults for moving their hands autistically, and by homophobic peers who read those same hand movements as queer. The professional ABA perpetrator and the homophobic schoolyard bully are ultimately in the same line of work, enforcing the same compulsory normativity from different angles.

Since distinctively autistic movements of the hands violate the rules of both neuronormative performance and heteronormative performance, to refuse to suppress such movements functions as a simultaneous queering of both neuronormativity and heteronormativity. When an autistic person chooses to allow themselves to follow some or all of the impulses toward non-normative hand movement that spontaneously arise in them, rather than suppressing those impulses in the interest of normative performance, that's a form of neuroqueering."]

nick walker, from neuroqueer heresies: notes on the neurodiversity paradigm, autistic empowerment, and postnormal possibilities, 2021

[zoobiefish]

Day 10: Self-Advocacy

Having a neurodevelopmental disability often means getting talked over, unfortunately. The moment they know I’m Autistic, most people tend to treat me as if I’m a child. I know this is sadly the experience of most of us on the spectrum. I’m a university student in my mid-20s earning an honours bachelors degree in psychology, yet I often get spoken down to. Not only that, but I’ve had people treat me outright with hostility when they found out I was Autistic; like I was a nuisance just for existing. I’m in a precarious position because I’m also considered “high functioning” by clinical standards. In no way am I saying “I have it worse” than “low functioning” Autistics, not by a long shot—nor am I saying our experiences are comparable. This isn’t any kind of “oppression olympics” or competition of any kind. But as someone who is “high functioning,” and considering this is my post, I will be talking about my personal experience and the specific nuance that comes with it. Additionally, please know that I’m not a fan of “functioning labels.” I am only using them here to describe myself as I would be described in clinical terms. Anyway, being high functioning means very specific and often contradictory expectations are put on me. I often don’t “look Autistic enough” for people to take my disability seriously. And anytime I’m legitimately struggling because of my very real disability, I get told to “suck it up” or that I’m “faking for attention” or something along those lines. I’m privileged enough to be able to speak and advocate for myself, yet it often still falls on deaf ears. At best, I’m just treated like a child and not the adult that I am. At worst, I’m treated like a pest. I need support, but I don’t need it “enough” in people’s eyes to “justify” needing it. I’m a leech in their eyes. I find being high functioning means that I feel compelled to mask more too. I recognize that being able to mask at all is a privilege, but it doesn’t make it any less stressful. Everyone expects that because my Autism is “mild,” I have some sort of unwritten duty to be performatively neurotypical 24/7. And that is cognitively exhausting. I just had several major tests in my uni program and I’m finally on break for a week, but I’m so burnt out now. I wanted to do a more relevant drawing for today’s prompt but then I thought “you know what? My art *is* my self-advocacy. So I’m gonna advocate by being honest about how tired I am.” I need a break. I need less stimulation. I need less expectations. I need to shut the blinds to my room and curl up with a favourite show. I have advocated my needs now.

[newtsoda]

When school is torture...

A comic about autism and “school avoidance”.

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Commence Alt Text:

[PAGE 1]

Title: 'It's Not School Avoidance – Trauma, Burnout and PTSD in the Education System'. The first panel shows a woman, her face veiled in shadow and surrounded by a thicket of thorns. She looks alien, with pointed ears and cat-like eyes. The second panel shows her drowning, her hand grasping at the air. The next panel shows ghost-like arms twisting around her. The speech bubbles read: When I was a kid, school was the stuff of nightmares. An intense and overwhelming environment, overstimulating and demanding, and entirely unforgiving. It's where I learned to mask and how to lie about all manner of things. I faked so many illnesses just so I could have the break I couldn't ask for. All so that I could somehow stay afloat in a system that did not recognise my needs. Neurotypicals don't understand just how much school is not designed for people who are not like them. Nor do they understand what it's like when you have to return to the place that is hurting you, day after day after day.

[Page 2]

The woman lies with her head on a pillow, staring wide-eyed at the reader. Thorns creep around the edges of the frame. The text reads: It's nearly twenty years later, and I still have the nightmares. Not the same vague dreams about not doing my homework everyone gets, but vivid night terrors that revolve around school and the things it made me feel. I've been told it's a symptom of CPTSD. The second panel shows a dagger with thorns wrapped around it as it is slowly dragged into their midst. The text reads: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder develops over a series of prolonged traumatic events. A disturbingly high number of autistic adults go on to develop it and can trace the root of their trauma back to the torturous experiences of their school years. So, I guess it's safe to say I'm not alone. But what's worse: It's still happening today.

[Page 3]

A girl is at the centre of the page, tears streaming down her face as scissors cut through her wings. Blood drips down the page. Thorns creep towards her. Another panel shows the woman's back with the shredded remnants of her own cut wings. The text reads:  Autistic children are being dragged through a grim education system that does not get their needs, quietly suffering. Parents are denied support if their child makes good grades or is quiet in class, because all is well. But the school doesn't see the tears and fights getting to the gates in the morning. Or the meltdowns/shutdowns as soon as the child gets home. It doesn't matter what's happening to their mental health. That a bubbly, happy child who loved to learn has turned into a despondent, empty shell of their former self. Above all else, school emphasises attendance rates. As long as that child is still showing up every day, it's seen as a success, no matter the cost—and the cost, sadly, is often steep for people like us.

[Page 4]

The girl and the woman are wrapped in a towering mass of thorns. Swords jut from the wounded woman's chest while she looks down at the girl who reaches for a hand trying to rescue her from her plight. The text reads: “Your child just needs to develop more resilience.” An infamous line that keeps rearing its ugly head. It comes from a place of ignorance, from people who have no idea how resilient these young people already are from living in a world not designed for their neurotype. But what can parents do? They're witnessing the damage forced classroom time is doing to their children, seeing it destroy them, but feel powerless to help. Keeping them home for recovery results in fines, warnings, and intimidation tactics. Seeing no other way out, some parents are forced to take their child out of school for good, opting for home schooling instead. They report needing years to repair the damage done to their child's mental health.

[Page 5]

The woman is seen healing the girl's back. Tiny wings sprout where hers were cut. The text reads: Homeschooling can allow parents to slowly build their children back up, coaxing them back to their former selves. But not everybody has the means to homeschool, and while it should always be a choice, it should never be one forced by desperation. The next panel shows the woman's own shredded wings. The final one shows her defending her child. Text: This whole thing is excruciating for autistic parents who experienced it all themselves while growing up and know exactly the damage that is being done, yet find themselves unable to protect their child from suffering the same fate. I want to be a parent one day, but the thought of school already fills me with dread. I want my child to benefit from a well-rounded education without paying the steep mental health price I had to pay. It shouldn't be too much to ask! And yet, I've fully prepared myself for the battles I'll have to fight.

[Page 6]

The page shows the woman twirling the girl around while she holds her hands and the girl flies with her new, full-grown wings. The woman's wings are still shredded, but she smiles knowing that she was able to help her daughter. The text reads: I want to raise the next generation of autistic people unburdened by school trauma or CPTSD. We need more autistic-friendly options, and lockdown and the pandemic showed that it's possible!  We need flexible schooling, less classroom time, more opportunities to do schoolwork from home, and low intensity classrooms for children who don't have parents who can support learning from home. Allow for recovery time and stop penalising low attendance rates! We want the education system to recognise the damage it's doing to young people and believe parents when they plead for support. There is more than one way to achieve learning outcomes, and we deserve a system that works for us.