#needed to vent because this has kept me up a bit too long

[like-butterflies-and-glitter]

i crave to be loved so badly but i am so scared of it, maybe even find myself undeserving or not capable of receiving it,

i wrote a self insert character who gets into a relationship with a character who loves so entirely with such devotion and yet find myself unable to write a story where that character does love my s/i enough, the way he has loved other characters in the past. what the hell is that about?

[lvnleah]

Hi!! I said about lotte earlier, I’d love some kind of lotte x reader maybe early in relationship and reader has a fight with her family which she ends up spilling to the team in changing room/ team night. lotte instinctively gets really protective/ angry which puts their relationship to the group? or maybe something to do with a creepy fan at a match, lotte gets protective and their relationship is shared online? feel free to make any changes ❤️❤️

Under Pressure | Lotte Wubben-Moy

thank you so much for this request <33

word count: 900 a little short one!

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The hum of the changing room settled as you took a deep breath, peeling your training top off. The atmosphere was filled with the usual banter, chatter about the training session, weekend plans, and who got the most nutmegs that day. You had kept quiet for most of the day, a smile here and there, nodding along to your teammates’ chatter. But your mind was still spinning, replaying the argument with your family earlier that day.

You had walked out of that conversation, your head pounding, feeling like you had been run over by a truck. You couldn’t shake the hurtful words, the way their disbelief in your relationship with Lotte had made you feel so small. It was one thing for them to disapprove of your career in football, but to disapprove of her, of something that made you so happy, was a punch to the gut.

You and Lotte had been together for three months now, after being friends for so long you both decided it was time to try something new. Your family had never approved of you being a footballer let alone you being in a relationship with a woman.

“You okay?” Leah nudged you, bringing you back to reality instead of being inside of your head.

You forced a smile. “Yeah, just a bit tired. Didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

She didn’t seem convinced but thankfully didn’t push further. You were grateful for that, not sure if you’d be able to keep up the fake smile much longer. You wanted to scream, to vent, to let it all out, but you were also terrified of breaking down in front of everyone.

Later that night, the team decided to head to a local pub. A night out with the team was meant to be a distraction. The usual post-training hangout was filled with laughter, clinking glasses, and friendly teasing. But the mask you wore all day was starting to crack. Lotte, sitting across from you, noticed too. Her eyes flickered with concern, and she reached out under the table, her hand squeezing yours. It was a simple gesture, but it almost made you crumble.

“Babe, are you sure you���re okay?” she whispered, leaning in close so only you could hear. Her voice was gentle, her thumb brushing against your knuckles.

You nodded, but the lump in your throat only grew. “Yeah, just family stuff.”

You could see the flicker of anger in her eyes, her jaw tightening slightly. She hated that you were hurting and hated even more that it was because of them. You loved her protective side, but right now, you needed her to stay calm. The last thing you wanted was to drag the team into this.

But the dam broke when someone asked innocently about your family. “They still giving you grief about football?” Viv asked, her tone light but laced with genuine concern.

You hesitated, the weight of the day pressing down on you. “Not just about football,” you muttered, and the words spilled out before you could stop them. “They… they don’t understand why I’m with Lotte. They don’t think it’s serious, and they don’t think she’s… right for me.”

Silence settled over the group. You looked up to find everyone staring at you, the concern and sympathy evident in their faces. You felt exposed, vulnerable, and you wished you could take the words back, shove them down where they wouldn’t see the light of day.

Lotte’s hand tightened around yours, “That’s bullshit,” she said, “You deserve better than that.”

Your eyes widened, and you tried to give her a look, something to tell her to calm down, but she was on a roll now, her anger radiating off her in waves. “They don’t know what they’re talking about. You’re amazing, and if they can’t see that, then screw them. You don’t need their approval.”

The room was silent, everyone watching the two of you with wide eyes. It dawned on you then that she had said all this in front of the entire team. It wasn’t like you were hiding your relationship, but you hadn’t exactly put it out there either. You had wanted to keep it private, to let it grow naturally, without the pressure of everyone knowing. But now, there it was, out in the open.

You swallowed hard, glancing around the table. Leah was looking at you with a small, knowing smile, Viv and Beth exchanged a look, and the rest of the team seemed to be processing this new information.

“Uh, well, I guess that’s out now,” you said with an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of your neck.

Lotte turned to you, her anger melting away, replaced by a soft, almost apologetic expression. “Sorry, I just… I hate seeing you like this. I didn’t mean to…”

You shook your head, squeezing her hand. “It’s okay. I just hate that they get to me so much.”

She smiled softly. “I’m sorry.”

You leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

A collective “awww” went around the table, and you could feel your cheeks burning as you pulled away, but you couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips. Maybe it wasn’t how you planned to reveal your relationship, but looking around at the team’s warm, accepting smiles, you realised it didn’t matter.

[etfrin]

❝ꜱᴏᴜʟꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄʀᴜꜱʜ❞ — chapter nine | coriolanus snow

「ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:」 SFW | Coriolanus, hints of somnophilia/non-con [spoiler! Coriolanus steals some kisses while reader is asleep, and reader kinda does the same] | lmk if I missed anything

「ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ:」 young! Coriolanus Snow x fem! Reader

「ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ:」 Coriolanus leaves you to check out the arena, the night before the games and... WELL... WELL... you find him!

「ᴀ/ɴ:」 for those who asked, i tried my best to deliver, please give me your feedback and reblog! Thank you!

Beta read by the FABULOUS @nowitsmissing

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Coriolanus Snow left you alone. He had to sneak out and check out the arena. The Hunger Games would continue forward. He needed any leverage he could get. Even if it meant to leave your side for the night. He found his clothes in the same bag that you had kept empty of food in. He changed into them.

He bites his lower lip to distract himself from the pain. This was of higher priority. He could rest when he wins. At least, that's what he tells himself as he finishes buttoning off his shirt. Before he could walk out of the room, he leaned down. Your eyelashes were big up close, and so, so enchanting. He felt annoyed that he noticed such a minuscule thing. It was not of importance how long or short your eyelashes are, they added to your beauty.

He couldn't talk himself out of it, he pressed his lips to yours. Your lips were soft. Your lips were perfect. Your lips were poisonous, and addicting because how could he ever stop himself after he already had a taste? So he pressed another kiss to your lips, a bit harder than the previous peck. He pulls away with a gasp and swallows his shame roughly.

“I'll be back,�� he whispered to you before he pressed another kiss, unable to stop himself. There was nothing friendly about this. This was a man at the edge of the cliff, one more step and he would fall into a pit of obsession. Nobody can drag him out of it. He barely stops himself from stealing another kiss from you. He forces his legs to walk away from you, it pained him more than any of his physical wounds.

The security around the arena was nonexistent, each peacekeeper in guard sleeping. He slipped right in, checking out the debris. The middle of the arena had huge blocks of fallen pieces of debris, all the weapons will be placed there tomorrow. He checked out around the area and found tunnels to go under and even a vent to hide in.

He turned around ready to leave and relay all of this to Lucy Gray Baird. However, an uncharacteristic yell leaves his lips as he sees you. Your arms are crossed in front of your chest and your face in a frown. So unlike how he left you on the bed resting. He swallows and wonders briefly if you informed anyone of his breaking. He was also curious about how you found him.

It's not like he has a tracker on him, right?

“How did you find me here?” He asked, nervous and tried not to fidget too much.

“I just thought ‘What is the most stupid thing Coriolanus can do?’” your voice turns sarcastic, “Surprise! It led me here.”

“Very funny,” he mutters, not amused at all, “And it's Coryo now.”

“You lost your ‘Coryo’ privilege, Snow.”

Guess he will just have to earn it back.

He pouts, knowing exactly why you were mad. But certainly, you could see the reason why he had to leave despite being freshly injured. He had to survey the place! Get leverage! He has to win at all, otherwise, what's the price of his life?

You walked up to him, pulling him down by his shirt collar. His breath hits your lips. And he could kiss you again. Of course, he didn't. He wanted to steal another kiss so bad that a soft nearly audible whisper of your name fills the air.

“You didn't even leave a note or a warning or anything.”

“Sorry,” he whispered, hoping that apologizing despite not regretting his actions would fix everything. Or at least get his nickname privileges back.

You scoff, “You don't even mean it, Coryo.”

You called him Coryo again, he didn't need to mean it. He would take the win. He gives you a small smile. “I am sorry,” he repeated, trying to put some heart into it.

“A liar and a thief,” you whispered, your eyes glinting with an emotion he couldn't decipher, “Truly one of a kind you are, Coriolanus.”

He frowned. He understood the fact he was indeed a liar. But where did the talk of being a thief come from? Before he could question you further about calling him a thief. You begin to drag him back into your car on the cold night. He sits at the window seat in the front, you beside him. He didn't ask if you had a driver's license. He felt like he was better without knowing.

“Was the Zoo the next location?” You asked your tone on edge with leftover anger over his actions.

“Yes,” he replied with the gentlest tone possible, not wanting anything to trigger an eruption. He fidgeted with his hands, wondering why he had come here when he could have used the night to steal kisses instead. When he could have slept with you, his arm around you and your heartbeat matching his. Such an ideal night, and he ruined it.

“So what did you find, pretty boy?” You asked.

He blushed at the nickname you called him. He doesn't give attention to his heated cheeks as he replies rather enthusiastically about everything (not everything, he kept some places a secret, only for Lucy Gray's ears to hear) and strategies (again not all of them).

You even add some pointers along the way. And he enjoyed the conversation thoroughly. He never thought he could connect with you like this, but he couldn't deny that he was happy about it. His lips stretched in a grin as you both discussed plans for Lucy Gray to win.

“Don't you care about Jessup?” He asked, the chain of conversation interrupted because he wasn't the only one with tribute. So why were you helping him?

You looked at him briefly before looking forward again. “You and I both know that poor boy is as good as dead,” you said, your voice hard, “I would rather let you win instead if I am out of the games.”

Coriolanus nods at the answer. That was understandable. “I am sorry,” this time he meant it, “I should have woken you up,” he looked at the window, ashamed, “It was a foolish thing to do to leave you alone without warning.”

“I am glad you have the brains to understand what you did wrong, and the guts to admit it,” you said, and he felt proud like he got the hardest question in an exam right. “You're forgiven as long as you don't do it again.”

He nods but doesn't make any promises. He did what he had to do. He will do it again, and take you as company the next time. That way he's not fucking up.

Soon, the car reaches its destination. He gets out of the car and you decide to stay, parked in front of the zoo gates. He quickly decided to only tell the key points to Lucy Gray because he refused to let you be alone for too long at night.

He walked into the zoo and reached the cage where he called out the Songbirds’ name. Lucy Gray appears before him with a concerned look. “Is everything alright?” She asked.

“Yes,” he confirmed and began to explain. He said not to run towards the weapons first and go to the hiding place. He tells her to wait it out and a few more strategies so she has better chances to survive and he has better chances to win. He doesn't notice Lucy Gray's tears but a sob catches his attention.

He's annoyed because it's time to listen to him and not be a child if she wants to survive tomorrow. Instead, he gives her a handkerchief he found in his pants pocket and hands it to her to wipe away her tears. He softens his tone and speaks slower. Even using easier terms to make it look like child's play.

Lucy Gray nods and agrees to his plans. She returns the handkerchief and he stuffs it back in. “It's going to be fine,” he said, “You're going to win, Lucy Gray.”

“I can pray, Coriolanus,” Lucy replied, her voice vulnerable in a way that reminded him of the fact she was a teenager like him. She even had a soulmate, Sejanus Plinth. And she loses it all if she doesn't win tomorrow.

“You will win.” He will win.

And with that, it's goodbye and Coriolanus leaves the zoo. The ride back home is quiet. You don't ask what he and Lucy Gray talked about. He doesn't offer any information either. It was a comfortable silence that he needed. He went to his old habit of stroking his soulmate's scar. Was it just him or did the scar seem to be healing?

He couldn't check it out in front of you. Within minutes you parked in front of the penthouse, and he wanted to ask you inside. There's no way he wanted you to drive alone at such late night.

But inviting you inside would mean revealing his secret. The secret that he kept for a decade. The secret was his motivation for everything. The secret that could ruin him.

Was ensuring your safety worth revealing it? He could ask you to call his landline when you reached home, but each minute until you called would be nothing less of hell for him. His mind overthinking possibilities with the result of you being hurt. He wasn't sure his poor heart could take it.

Both of you step out of the car. He can't make up his mind. He opens his mouth to invite you in or say goodbye he doesn't know. You speak first instead. Your eyes meet his blue ones.

“How many kisses did you steal, Coryo?”

He wants to lie. He knew in his mind that it wouldn't do him any good. He feels his palm sweat, his fingers itching to touch the scar to calm himself down. He was sure that he was going to have a heart attack in the next minute or so.

“Three,” he answered, ready for whatever curses and punishment you would give him for his sins. He would go on his knees for you, let the cold street scrap his skin and crimson stain the spot if it meant your forgiveness. He would grovel, and beg, strip himself of his pride for you.

Or he could manipulate you. Fill your mind with lies that it's what friends do. Being district, he doubted you had many friends of Capitol culture. He could lie, lie, and lie. It's what friends do.

As his mind fights to choose his next course of action. You flash him a vixen smile, and whisper, “You didn't have to steal them.”

He couldn't even process what you meant before you pressed a kiss on his jaw. His eyes closed and let out a shaky breath. He gasps softly when the next press of your lips is so close to his lips.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, please, kiss him.

You don't. You pull back and grin. It takes him an embarrassing moment to come back to reality. His ear burning, and his lips parted waiting for the third kiss you never gave him.

“It's what friends do,” you shrugged, lying to yourself and him. Both of you had to, there's no other way around it. Coriolanus knew why for him, but what about you? Were you simply playing with the strings of his heart? He would allow it for now.

For after the Plinth Prize, you will be his.

“Come with me,” he said, “It's not safe to be traveling so late at night.”

You agree with him without much protest. He noticed your discomfort as both of you walked up the twelve flights to reach his broken, shameful, secret home. He grits his teeth, awaiting your reaction to the truth of the Snow family.

You don't say anything. “Show me where I will be sleeping, Coryo,” you yawn instead, not even disgust on your face from the rotting wallpapers.

He is surprised and grateful. He feels an uncontrollable urge to hug you, and barely keeps himself from not wrapping his arms around you.

“I suppose you wouldn't mind sharing a bed with me,” he said, quietly, not wanting Tigris or Grandma’am to wake up. You nod in affirmation and he shows you his room with a bit of confidence. It was just as horrible as the rest of the house but it was his.

The bed in the corner with clean bed sheets. The stack of books and finished assignments on his desk. His wardrobe, the wood old and chipped. But all of it was his.

You immediately made your way to the bed and made yourself wholly comfortable. Like it was yours. And in a way, everything of his is yours. He would give it to you if you asked nicely enough, maybe throw in a kiss or two.

You pull the covers up and wait for Coryo to sleep in. Usually, he would wear his pajamas, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care. He lays down, mindful of his injury. He turns towards you. His eyes searched for yours, and the air mixed with both of your shared breaths. Not even an inch apart were both of you due to how small his bed was.

He closed his eyes and whispered goodnight. He doesn't get a reply. He fills his mind quickly falling back to the darkness as his actions catch up to him, taking away whatever strength he had left.

The last thing he feels, which surely is a dream, is a press of your lips against his. Stealing a kiss. And he hears you whisper, unsure if it's a dream or not but he will remember the words until he dies.

“I have you now, Coriolanus Snow. I won't let you go.”

NEXT PART

[martialartslover7]

Why I think Kishimoto isn't sexist, but just VERY tonedeaf and an idiot

Boy, will I have some venting to do today. I mean, at this point, it's not a secret, that Kishimoto has consistently stated that "he can't write women", to save his life. And to this day, for as long as I was a fan of the series, I am going to be absolutely real: This statement is so full of shit. Why? Simple. And allow me to express it in very big capital letters, so that even the last giant mental invalid can understand:

WOMEN ARE HUMAN-BEINGS WITH BREASTS AND A V BETWEEN THEIR LEGS. WHAT TYPE OF "NUANCES" IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT? THERE IS NOTHING "COMPLICATED" ABOUT THEM. WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?

Like, this entire statement is bullshit for a completely reason altogether: Why even reduce his own point to the fact that the shinobi just so happen to be female? This just sounds like excuses on top of excuses, especially considering the competition like One Piece and Bleach, who all have badass, memorable and sometimes, quite well-written characters, that just so happen to be female.

Let's count up a few IPs that I am aware of, written or directed by males, that has some of the most badass, and most memorable females in all of media:

One Piece

Bleach

Soul Eater

Kill la Kill

Jujutsu Kaisen

Code Geass

Persona

Tekken

Street Fighter

SoulCalibur

Fire Emblem (not all of them, some of them, from what I have seen, can be insane jokes)

And so on, and so forth, the list goes on. And you know what all these IPs have in common, that make them stand out, compared to what Naruto does to its females?

THE FEMALES AREN'T GETTING BOGGED DOWN BY IRRITATING, REDUNDANT AND DOWNRIGHT OFFENSIVE TROPES, THAT FLAT-OUT RUIN THEIR POTENTIAL AND APPEAL AS STANDALONE CHARACTERS!

Like, allow me to list up all the tropes, that Kishimoto made use of, while writing the manga, or being involved in the process of writing / directing the anime, along with the movies.

1. Making the women overtly dependant on the male characters

This one, is not as egregious, but it's a good kickstarter. In the context of the world these characters operate in, to me, it does make sense to show that, like in the Edo period of Japan, women were always seen as second-class citizens, always needing to be tied to men somehow, otherwise they are "worthless". Considering the corrupt, militarized system that most of the girls work in, mostly operated by wrinkly, old farts, who enjoy playing god too much, it does remain understandable to me, that they would be hesistant to be 100% committed to the job, and just ask for normal lives...

...BUT...

...it does leave you asking: Why did they choose to be ninjas in the first place, then? To get smitten with the boys (not counting Hinata, by the way, because she was literally forced into this role)? Just applying as literal child soldiers in a war, that they didn't even start to begin with? And yes, I get it, kunoichis excel in areas that male shinobi struggle with, like silent reconnaisance, charming other men, or sometimes women, to tickle information out of them, being healers, but here is the thing: As the Naruto progressed as a story, this pattern kept repeating, every time a female character got introduced, it would fall back on the following checklist:

Is this woman a healer?

Is she obsessed with looking for a boyfriend / a husband?

Is she lacking in combat-based strength, to the point where she needs protection from either of the male characters?

Because, except for the healer bit, which is more of a specialized field, I just brought it up, because I felt it to be awfully noticeable how often the girls requested to be healers, as if they have to fit into such a mold, or they aren't capable as shinobi, the other two questions get repeatedly answered, for pretty much 98% of all female characters, especially by the end of Shippuden.

And don't get me wrong: This is NOT a negative, per se, that they desire a boyfriend, or someone to spend the rest of their days with, this is not what I am complaining about. In fact, a good chunk of ships in the series are hella cute, and I don't want them to go away. Because to an extent, the romance aspect feels genuine, especially between Naruto and Hinata, or Sasuke and Sakura (yeah, fight me on that, I will defend these two as a ship, until I die), or hell, especially Shikamaru and Temari, which are the GOLD standard, of what a good ship needs.

What I am complaining about though, is that, the series kind of uses this romance aspect as a shield, or excuse, to undermine the female characters, in the long run. Think about it, when was the last time when Sakura, in spite of all the grueling training she had to suffer through to become this strong in the first place, not wanting to be a hindrance to anyone, legitimately kicked ass, after killing Sasori? Not counting the war arc, because this arc is frankly, an inexcuseable mess, and Kishimoto should be ashamed of himself for making it suck this hard for how many asspulls this arc had. Nope, the moment Naruto goes berserk, and Sasuke just... appears... she is reduced to a whimpering mess, who can't stand on her own two feet, and has to be saved by someone. And this happens. ALL. THE. TIME. That's all that happens with her, sure, she heals countless ninjas during the war, but again, healing isn't the only specialty she got:

SHE IS A SHINOBI! SHINOBIS FIGHT! THEY DON'T JUST STAND AROUND LIKE IDIOTS, AND EXPOSING THEMSELVES TO ENEMY FIRE! GET! ON! WITH IT!

I swear, man, this just frustrates me beyond any reason, and the worst part, even someone as awesome as Hinata, who kicked so much ass in Part 1 (especially the filler arcs, don't get smart with me, I watched the anime, suck a small one on that), who had a whole, potential story arc hinted at with Neji, and the issues regarding their entire clan, was reduced to a simple Naruto #1 fangirl for the entire duration of Shippuden, not even the filler could salvage her in any way, and for someone like me, who relates to Hinata on a spiritual level, I find this just so damned pathetic. And whenever I watch The Last, all I could think about was this one coherent thought: You. Had. ONE JOB. Kishimoto. And you failed her. As a standalone character. Causing the entire movie to come off as if you were just shoehorning everything together, as if we only liked Hinata, because of the NaruHina ship. Well, newsflash, it couldn't be further from the truth. So, screw you, and the entire The Last movie.

Plus, I am sure I am speaking on everyone's behalf here: Anko Mitarashi and Tenten were done the MOST dirty by Kishimoto. Nuff' said.

On that note, that brings me to my next point:

2. The angry Karen housewife stereotype

I swear, this meme right here...

And Kushina's entire existence truly proves my point that, Kishimoto is really not doing himself any favors, whenever he says "I don't know how to write women". Oh, but then THIS is your answer? Is this how you see them all, the very second they get married and have kids?

So let me get this straight, the moment a woman, in the Naruto universe, gets married, has kids, and takes care of them, they become:

Aggressive, to the point of physically assaulting their own kids (Kushina definitely would have done so, let's not lie to ourselves, I love her, but this behavior of hers, combined with Sakura's general attitude towards Naruto, would have definitely made him suicidal after a while, if it weren't for the fact, he accepts it in his mom's case, because she doesn't know any better, considering her childhood)

Unpleasant to be around for their husbands (as if, we get guilt-tripped into thinking, the wives are the ones being selfish, wanting their lovers to be home with them, which, by the way, is a serious piece of shit way of thinking, because, they are married for a REASON, and not to stay apart all the time, THEY ARE FAMILY, at least, from how it gets painted as, in Boruto, from what I have seen so far)

Becoming total sociopaths, as if their genuine worries and concerns get painted as something so abnormal and "creepy"

...and this is how you see them all? THIS is your answer? Again, I know, we have ZERO evidence to prove that Kishimoto himself, is sexist in real life, it would be irresponsible of me to put that out there, because I just don't know the guy. I am just saying that, with how the housewives were all written thus far, and how, from Naruto's POV, he began having a fear of angry moms, calling them "scary", and how the females got seriously underrepresented in the course of the story...

...IT DOESN'T DO HIM ANY FAVORS.

I can't even believe I have to say this, because, newsflash, Kishimoto, and I will say it in caps: NOT ALL MOMS IN THE WORLD, ACT LIKE THIS!

They can get mad with us, they are fully in the right to whenever we do something stupid, no matter how old we get, because they will always view us as their babies that they cradled in their arms. But the problem here is: In Boruto, it gets painted as if the moms are the ones in the wrong here, just for being a tiny bit more concerned than others, because again, the world that they live in, is dangerous. And leaving the Otsu*redacted* aside, I can fully sympathize with them, so seeing someone like Boruto himself taking so many liberties being a spoiled, rotten brat, who never suffers serious repurcussions for his behavior (I know, he lost his headband for cheating, but for someone like him, who wished literal DEATH on his own father, just for him not being around enough, needed a way harsher punishment, you just don't say that your parents, dude, this doesn't take a genius to understand, especially since this is Naruto and Hinata we are talking about her), once again, it undermines the females, as if the kids ALWAYS "know better", and they "just suck, because moms are scary". Fuck off. Seriously. This is just disrespectful. No excuses. It shouldn't be written this way. Even more so, because the POV of the mothers gets never tackled, making this seem one-sided.

3. A few romances fall back on tropes, that disrespect not only the girls, but also the guys

OK, I will probably get some flack for saying this, but, regardless of the explainations in one of the Retsuden mangas, the InoSai ship, is perfectly encapsulating to me, how the romance in Naruto isn't without its flaws, and it mostly stems from how some of the characters just never get the privilege of gaining their own story sections about their own individual struggles as standalone characters.

I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU, CHOJI AND KARUI! THEIR ROMANCE IS SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD, IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH JOKING ABOUT, EXCEPT, IT'S LITERALLY A JOKE, DUE TO THEIR NAMES BEING POLAR OPPOSITES TO ONE ANOTHER. HA. HA. HA.

Personally, to me, Sai is not that interesting of a character to me, I was never able to connect with him in any way, despite the importance he had in the story, alluding to the ROOT Anbu under Danzo's leadership.

But his "romance" with Ino, was seriously pushing it to me, not only because, it just regresses Ino's entire character, pushing her back into this mold that she is only interested in brooding, mentally ill edgelords like Sasuke, which paints her a shallow person, but it just paints Sai himself, as a stand-in for Sasuke, too, which undermines his own character, unintentionally. There are so many things wrong with their overall dynamic, I can't even put it properly into words.

And don't think, InoSai are the only exception to this rule. As much as it pains me to say this, NaruHina and SasuSaku are also affected by this, not as severe, but it's still pretty noticeable.

NaruHina

The fact that, with NaruHina, we needed an entire freaking movie, which, frankly, should have never happened, had they done a better job at utilizing Hinata as her own character, with Naruto present to help her out with her clan, and it all hinged on Naruto himself regressing as a character too, needing to be put in a fucking Genjutsu, just to see how he "truly felt" about Hinata... I am sorry, what is this? I mean, from a writing standpoint, this is just straight-up BAD. It's clichéd, it's painting Hinata as a damsel in distress, needing to be saved by Naruto, and Naruto himself being pardoned with "he is just dense", and overall, you can really tell, this is all just hamfisted into a single movie, because they needed to desperately convince us: Look, this is a thing. They are together now. Now play the emotional music, because that's all it needs.

Listen, I know Naruto never had a clear grasp on his own emotions, but the overall pay-off, to me, is just not there, no matter how hard I try. It just feels hollow, I don't feel happy with this. Because, for this to ship to work, they had to go through all these extra lengths to regress them both first, as individual characters, just so they can shut the lid on the whole thing. Made even worse by how this confession of Hinata during the Pain Invasion arc, was never brought up again to Naruto, until the freaking movie, and I still don't understand why. I know he didn't "ignore" her, but why does he fail to recognize Hinata's love confession, but the moment Sakura drops by to confess to him, too, he immediately calls it BS? Please. Make it make sense.

SasuSaku

Listen, nothing will stop me from loving these two as one, they deserve the peace amongst themselves, but the problem is, like InoSai, it falls back on the trope of, the girl bearing this mindset of "I can fix him", and while Sakura certainly did succeed... hear me out:

This is a purely universal thing now, this isn't just applying to SasuSaku. Otherwise, both ships have a solid foundation, ruined by shit writing. Nothing else to say.

That moment of Ino crying for Sasuke, really made me realize: Kishimoto really is clueless, not just about women, but men, too.

Because, again, for how often some of the girls bore this mindset of "I need me some brooding hunk of meat", essentially, desiring a man that knowingly treats them like crap, just so they can bear the delusion of "I can fix him", while downplaying and belittling the "uncool" guys like Choji, Rock Lee, or hell, even Naruto or Kiba, guys who, for the most part, have a solid grasp on their moral compass and their self-worth, denouncing their advances with "ew, no", is honestly disgusting to me. Like, come on, man, they aren't as cool as the edgelord teammates, but why downplay them so hard in the presence of the girls? Don't they deserve love too? Why belittle them for their eccentricities, it not only paints the girls in a bad light, but it straight up mocks the male "goofball" teammates for being the way they are. In short: NO ONE IS THE WINNER HERE.

Phew, OK, I hope, I made my point, loud and clear now. Because these points have been bothering me for a VERY long time now, and look, correct me if I am wrong. I am never 100% foolproof, so if I left out anything, feel free to correct me.

I needed to vent about this, because I felt so genuinely pissed off for how underpowered and underepresented the girls are, and how unkind and unforgiving the writing was to them, overall.

Peace.

[seekerwingzcg]

KinkTober #7: Biting and Virgin (Transformers Megatron/Starscream)

Virgin D-16 learns a bit more about his frame

Starscream assists because he's experienced.

Fanfic below 👇

Lessons in Leadership

By: Peace _Through_Empathy (SeekerWingzCG)

Once the guard had settled in at Kaon, Megatron began making plans. He wasn't sure what was going to happen and honestly, he was mildly in panic. It didn't help that he saw his friend die right before his eyes.

The day had been long, but he had had worse. Not emotionally, but physically. His mind kept him busy. He wasn't sure if he could stand being idle after the recent events.

He sat in a throne that his followers forged and tried focusing on his tasks at hand. He had so much planning to do and he kept thinking back on the mistakes he had made. There was no going back now. Sitting and waiting for change never did a thing. He had to reassure himself that he was indeed making the proper decision.

Starscream, after settling in as well, came to him. He was shocked by Megatron's recent behavior to say the least, but he would admit that it impressed him. This miner sure could win a crowd. Not to mention the new feelings that welled up inside of him when that younger and stronger mech’s servos squeezed around his neck.

The simple thought of the incident had his engines begin to warm up. Those large, strong servos. As embarrassing as it was to think about, he truly did want them caressing something else.

“Hello, Starscream. What do you need?” Megatron said, datapad being sat to his side. He, too, had felt a sensation when he held him down. His cannon instinctively revealing itself. It wasn't the only thing that pressurized. What about this got his energon flowing and spark going wild?

Trying to keep calm, he walked closer. Luckily no one was around. Starscream had his chance to speak one-on-one with him, “Well, I'm here to talk about what happened…” Starscream's voice still scratchy and glitchy from the beating he received.

Megatron began to feel the pressure under his panel and chuckled with a smirk, “I have grown sick and tired of being pushed around by authorities. I was simply showing you that I had the power to overthrow this planet.” He said, thinking hard on Starscream's voice. It echoed back his domination over him every time Starscream spoke, his voice a symbol of his growing power.

To Megatron's surprise, Starscream smirked back, “If I may be so bold, and I indeed am, I suggest you learn a thing or two from someone who has been a leader before. You need a few lessons in leadership.”

“So you are coming back for round two? I put you in your place once, don't think I won't do it again.” It was becoming hard to think again and he had never used his interface equipment before, but it was burning with desire.

Starscream was experienced and regardless of if Megatron knew it or not, his vents were humming and his face was darkening, “Actually, that sounds fantastic.”

Megatron heard the difference in his voice and it only turned him on even more. He didn't understand what Starscream wanted exactly, but he wasn't sure what he wanted either, “What are you suggesting, Starscream?”

Starscream laughed out loud, “What else would I be suggesting? I see the way you're looking at me. Don't lie to yourself. You're aroused. I can almost smell it. I do want to talk about what happened. Not because I believe I deserve another beating per se, but I believe you've never, how shall I put this… Have you ever used your interface equipment? You are much younger than I and I propose a lesson or two in learning more about yourself. What makes you tick.”

Megatron sighed and growled a bit under his breath. He was right. Should he allow this or not? He assumed he would let his instincts guide his frame and-

His spike bounced free, throbbing and twitching with the cold bite from the air against it. He hadn't expected that exactly, but began playing along, “Come and show me, then. Teach me what you know about being a leader.”

Starscream smirked, letting free a fanged tooth as he made sure to be as seductive looking as possible. He made his way over and laid each servo on his knee joints. “Eager, aren't we?”

Megatron's venting hitched up and he was beginning to pant heavily. He had been defeated in a way that he had not minded, “I've never overloaded before…” he ex-vented through gritted denta and his hips jerked with anticipation.

Starscream looked up at him and chuckled, “I assumed you were untouched. You miners never get the privacy you're required to explore your frames. You're ready to blow, aren't you? Look at that spike. So drippy and gorgeous. So fresh and new. And it's all mine.”

He had never paid attention to other mechs in the washracks before so he was unsure of his size being adequate but as Starscream marveled at it, he assumed it was enough. Maybe it was far more than enough, “Show me what I'm missi-”

Starscream bounded forward with hunger and a groan and licked up the shaft to the base, passionately. Megatron let out a choking moan as sensation sparked up his spike. These things he had never felt before were causing him to uncontrollably moan and he wished that he could desperately whimper, but he couldn't let his facade slip. Not in front of Starscream. His servo drifted to his mouth as he bit a digit.

Starscream continued to lick and suck the side of his shaft, ridges and nodes being caressed by his glossa’s embrace. He couldn't help but see his digit being bitten and stopped for a moment, “Are you already close, my dear?” He purred, “If you wish to make noise, go right ahead. No one is in the vicinity. Don't be afraid to look weak. Interface brings out the desperation and need in us all. Let it go.”

Megatron couldn't help himself. He grabbed Starscream's helm and whined a pathetic, drawn out whine. His hips arched and said whine evolved into gruff moans, “I-I can't tell if I'm close. I don't know what it feels like.” He sighed and felt the tip of his spike become enveloped by Starscream's lips and his grip on his helm tightened.

Starscream slid himself up and down the tip of Megatron's spike before pulling off, “Oh you'll know. You'll feel like you can't take it anymore and you'll crest over. Your spike will feel a pulsing pleasure better than anything you've ever felt before.”

Megatron groaned and squinted his optics shut. This was wonderful. He felt the pleasure building inside of him and knew exactly what Starscream meant now, “O-Ohh, I am close…” his spike twitched around and before he knew it, Starscream moved down to the hilt, causing Megatron to arch and yelp.

He whimpered and felt his spike begin pulsing. Every sensor lit up and he began shooting a huge load of transfluid down Starscream's throat. “I- I'm overloading! Ah-oooh, frag…”

Starscream swallowed as best as he could, valve fluttering, so swollen against his panels. He pulled off after choking a bit and allowed the hot, pink streams to shoot against his face. He smiled and looked up at him, glossa sticking out and covered in fluids.

Megatron, once more allowed his senses to give way and stood, grabbing Starscream by the arm and pushing him face first into his throne. Megatron was still hard and leaned him over and began rutting against his aft, “Open.”

Starscream moaned and looked over his shoulder at him, “Mmn, make me, Megatron.~”

Megatron pushed him down further and grabbed for a wing, biting it, causing energon to dribble from the puncture points.

Starscream howled as his panels snapped open, “Ooh, yess-! Take me! Oh, do it as hard as you'd like! Hmmm, and keep biting me! Frrr-” Starscream trembled and as if his begging worked, Megatron's spike entered him and he began thrusting immediately.

He could feel the oversensitivity building another fast overload in him as Starscream's pretty plush valve tightened around his unit. He pumped in and out harder and eventually went all the way in. He could feel his spike hitting the back of his valve and almost petting his tip. His spike was in a state of bliss.

Another loud moan left Starscream, “C’mon, bite me again! Please!”

He had completely forgotten about what Starscream wanted while in his state of ecstasy. “Ooh, only because you beg so nicely. Ohh, your valve is so good, Starscream. You will serve me well-”

Starscream whined and felt Megatron begin biting at his wings, speeding his hips pace. His valve was aching with need. In a moment he was going to need it. He was getting close as well.

With a few more thrusts, Megatron felt his own overload building to his tip. The sensitivity caused his control to lessen. The sensitive cables on Starscream's neck were visible so leaning him over further, he grabbed them in his denta like a feral animal, yanking him backwards to hold him in place. He thrusted as quickly and hard as he could, leaving Starscream a whimpering mess underneath him.

The sting on his neck cables and the rough tug caused his overload to rip through him with a relieved, tremble-ridden moan. Fluids shot from his valve and Megatron could feel its tightening grip. All of the stimulation and recognition of his overload caused another overload to burst from Megatron in another fit of groans.

Once they both began to cool down, Starscream grabbed an unsubspaced cloth and cleaned his face, “Well, you did a great job for your first time. I'd love to be your second. Anyway, really, if you need help leading, drop a com request and I will offer my assistance.”

“I will- keep that in mind. Thank you for helping me relieve some tension. I can better focus on my tasks without my needs getting in the way. Come back in a while and we'll talk battle plans. For now, I need to think about the day's events.”

Starscream smirked and nodded. He was definitely telling the rest of the guard about what he had just experienced.

[teineplaysveilguard]

I first bought Dragon Age: Origins about two days after release, and I was instantly hooked. I played it six times back-to-back, just to experience every origin story. After that, I kept replaying to see every possible decision and its impact. Honestly I am not sure how many times I finished origins as it was over several platforms and accounts… but it is a LOT.

DA2 came out while I was in hospital (severe manic episode and psychosis) but as soon as I got home, I dove into it. I’ve written before on my main about how much I related to Anders, partially because of the timing, but honestly, I adore everything about DA2.

I have since finished DA2 NINETEEN TIMES! Honestly I love Kirkwall so much… I love everything about the tragedy that was Hawkes live. The tragedy of Hawke’s life, the way no amount of effort or care could fix the deeply ingrained, systemic issues—it’s gut-wrenching and perfect.

Fifthteen years later there are aspects of that game I still onbsess over, the enigma of Kirkwall for example… I had so many theories, none of which are likely to ever be addressed now…

Yes, the game had issues. All games do. Some of the writing was shallow in places; occasionally a companion says or does something that feels a little out of character. Anders and Fenris were treated like narrative mouthpieces at points. Aveline’s character development is a little questionable, and, of course, the copy-paste environments were rough. But for me, the positives—the depth of the narrative, the snippets of lore and background, the things I loved—overshadowed the negatives.

Do you know how shitty it is to know that all my left in the fade Hawkes just don't matter? Which ye I guess in some ways is fitting for the guy who accomplished nothing, who couldn’t even actually kill Meredith or Corypheus, for their final sacrifice to mean nothing… but still…

Then there was Inquisition. Once again I gain it on the day of release, I may have even pre-ordered it I can't rememeber… Anyway, I’ll admit I wasn’t sold on it at first. It felt too much like a “hero narrative”—which is hard to explain, but I couldn’t connect with it initially. The companions didn’t grab me right away either. But over time, I warmed to it, and now I’ve played it six (almost seven) times, obsessively picking up every bit of lore.

same with the books… the comics… that game in the keep that I forget the name of… I've even played the table top game and DMed it

And now we have veilguard...

I was so excited to go to Tevinter in game. Tevinter has fascinated by for so long.

And I… I cannot even put into words just how disappointed I am in veilguard…

I don’t want to be “that guy” who just tears it apart—plenty of people have already done the analysis, pointed out the retcons, and broken down how much lore feels ignored.

But I need to vent somewhere, and none of my IRL friends care.

In essence, the game feels sanitised...

But here is the crux of my issue, or at least the disturbing part:

I have zero desire to replay veilguard…

[fuck-customers]

I just need to vent about something that happened last week.

I work for an Airline at a small airport. Couple weeks ago, we had a flight come in, pretty late due to delays in the plane’s route. When it landed, it was super late, and the Pilots were going to time out. For some reason the Airport’s Weather system was down

Ops told us to proceed as normal. Pilots didn’t notify us anything was wrong until the end. We had all the bags loaded and passengers on and THEN they decide to tell us something is wrong :)))

Pilots time out, and the flight is pushed back to the next morning and we have to remove all the bags and passengers. Reaccommodate or refund those that want those options.

We unloaded the bags, and my coworker takes them to the baggage carousel. Then I go help unload the plane. Eventually it comes down to the wheelchair passengers, who always come off last. I took care of 5 of them. One at a time. Took them to the baggage carousel helped them get their bags, and take them to their cars separately. All 5, by myself

That matters because, once I help the final wheelchair passenger, my coworker that was putting the bags on the carousel takes off the bags that weren’t picked up, and drives them to our office so we can contact the passengers about their bags so they can get them.

As I come back inside after helping the final wheelchair passenger to their car, I hear a shrill yell from a woman standing by the Carousel. She yelled out to me asking where her bag was. I TRIED to tell her that after a bag has been on the carousel too long we take it off and back to our office. I say tried because she kept cutting me off yelling “Where’s my bag?”

This woman, who was not a wheelchair passenger, and was sitting in the front of the plane, so she was one of the FIRST to get off the plane, did not make it to baggage claim in time to get her bag. In the time it took to unload all 155 Passengers including the 5 Wheelchairs I did on my own at the VERY END, she was the only one not able to get her bags.

At this point it was 2 AM, I had been up since 6 AM, I was so close to just telling her to fuck off. But I bit my tongue and kept a professional attitude.

Once I was able to tell her that it’s being taken to our office, and if she follows me to the ticket counter I can help her. And she starts going off on me, asking why couldn’t we just leave it there. Why we take it back to the office, don’t we know they’re coming?

I did my best to keep calm and tell her that if she just comes with me to the ticket counter I can give her her bag.

I tried to explain our policy at the airport. First, we can’t just leave bags unattended, because we have to treat it as a threat or it could get stolen.

Then she asked why we can’t just pull it off and stand there with it. They do it at X Airport that is 10 times larger with 20 time more employees.

I explained to her we are not allowed to, it is airport policy and we could lose our SIDA privileges and even get a ticket. And on top of that, we are a team of 6 fucking people. We do not have the man power.

Eventually we make it back to the counter. I tell her to wait there as I go into the back to find her bag. I’m going through the bags left behind, I’m back there for less than a minute. Then comes this loud banging on the door.

She walked behind the ticket counter, and started slamming on the door so she could get her bag. She couldn’t even wait the 2 minutes it took me to find it.

I grab it, then go to the door she’s slamming. I open it and she almost hits me because she’s mid bang.

I ask her very politely not to do that or I will have to call the police. She just scoffs and asks for her bag. I ask for her ID to confirm the bag is hers, and she’s about to lose it. She was ready to blow and I was very much done with the situation. She started going off about how bad this airport was and how she’s going to blast us on social media.

She kept asking why we could take her bag to the back but not have anyone watch it at the carousel like Airport X does. I told her what I did before, We are not allowed to, it is airport Policy, and we don’t have the man power.

She said “No you just don’t care”

I was 🤏 this close to blowing up on her. I wanted so badly to lay into her. But I didn’t. I just kept calm, centered myself, and just let her go on with her day. Thankfully there were other passengers that saw and were understanding and helpful to me.

Anyway once that was all done I got her itinerary number and had her black listed from our airline. :)

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but please for the love of god, if your flight gets canceled, don’t take it out on the ground crew. We want you gone just as badly as you do. We lose money on canceled flights, we lose hours, and it just makes our lives harder.

If you know anyone that acts like the ground crew has ANY control over the operations of the airline and abuses them, please slap some sense into them.

Posted by admin Rodney

[blubushie]

10am and back on my bullshit in light of Recent News.

So I'm gonna bitch about Sniper's camper a little (such as things it realistically would and would not have), and explain some things!

...While using Tilly of course. Camper anatomy course!

For comparison, this is Sniper's camper.

Now, for my issues and corrections with this...

The biggest thing that I notice in canon camper is the extreme lack of windows. Sniper's camper, given the timeline, would be a 60s-era model. Most 60s-era campers did not have air conditioning as their roofing wasn't strong enough to support the weight of an aircon. As you can see by looking at the roof of the camper, his does not have aircon. To make up for the lack of this, you need AIRFLOW or the camper becomes a dangerously high-heat oven. This means his camper would have multiple windows with flywire, not vents, to allow for airflow, and also a greater number of windows than is on the canon model. I will note that the venting front nook window is pretty cool though, and I've never seen one.

Sniper's camper would probably not have a shower, as there's not enough room for one. See how little it hangs off the tailgate? It has a toilet though. ALL campers that hang off the tailgate like that have a toilet. Also, despite Sniper's camper defo having a bathroom, it lacks a bathroom vent for some reason.

Sniper's camper lacks jacks?? I assume this is an oversight due to modelling reasons for SFM, and not that he took the jacks off. The jacks are necessary for maintenance purposes.

The tops of campers are always flat and I don't know why his Does That. I'm deciding it's stylistic reasons cuz otherwise he wouldn't be able to get in bed.

On that note—Sniper has a queen-size bed. I know it doesn't look like one, but trust me, that's a queen-size bed. No I don't care about the internal model that they never planned for anyone to see. It might be a bit cramped in the length department because he's a tall cunt, and it might be a bit cramped in the height department (there's not even a metre of headspace off the bed), but it's not cramped in the "If I roll in any one direction I will fall out" department, I assure you.

I'm not gonna fuss about the water fill hole or the heater or nothing, or the lack of LPG signage. I assume the lack of them is the same reason as the lack of jacks.

Ok, now for some general notes for people who don't know much about campers...

Campers from this era are entirely powered off the vehicle they're attached to. There's something called a pigtail, basically a long bundle of wire, that connects the truck to the camper and provides power, lights, etc. Some modern campers have space, usually under the sink, for a car battery to attach so you can power the camper off a separate battery without the use of a vehicle, but all campers from this era are powered by car battery through the pigtail only. THIS MEANS THAT IF YOU RUN YOUR BATTERY TOO OFTEN YOU WILL BE STRANDED AS YOUR CAR WILL NOT START. Ever leave your headlights on? A lot of people would get around this by using deep-cycle batteries (which are rechargeable), and they usually kept a spare. Or two. Some vehicles, like the Ford Camper Special line, allowed room for two car batteries in the engine bay to specifically get around this. Ideally one battery would be your starter, and the other would be a deep-cycle that everything ran off of. This would prevent you from draining your car's battery, and as deep cycle batteries recharge while you're driving, this works great. Other people (like me) use deep-cycles ONLY, and recharge the batteries by cycling them out as needed.

To use your stove you have to go outside, open the LPG panel, turn the valve on your propane tanks until it's loose, then go back inside, wait a few minutes, turn on the propane ON THE STOVE, and then light your pilot light (if you have a pilot light, most campers from this era do not) or light your burners individually. When you're done cooking or wharever, you have to go back outside and turn off your propane. If you do not do this your propane will leak while you drive.

You have to turn on the water by turning on the water pump, this requires electricity. Most campers have an overhead panel somewhere near the kitchen to do this. Others have it under the sink.

Most campers can be powered without battery as long as you have an electrical source!! See the "camper city power" panel—this allows you to plug in an electrical cord directly into the camper to power it off that instead of off your truck. Downside—this requires an electrical outlet. It's really only used when a camper is home and someone is living out of it, or when someone is camped at a powered campground (like an RV park), which are extremely rare because most RV parks do not allow jack-on campers. I've only ever used this plug at home. 😅

Campers run on fuses. Given the era, Sniper's camper would probably run on old SFE glass fuses, likely 20As (mine runs on SFE-20As across the board).

There will be a part 2 to this showing the interior layout and what that's like when I get around to it later today.

[ko-existing]

You are the only person so far who seems to know what you’re talking and is well studied so I decided to sent this ask for you. It will have a little venting, but nothing too extreme or long also if you don’t mind I’d rather speak in a not non duality way because I wouldn’t know how to formulate my sentences without giving power to the physical world in a sense, and I’m not exactly looking for enlightenment in non dualism it’s just a question about this whole thing that has been going on on tumblr and other communities about manifestation and non dualism.

I’ve been on this journey of manifestation, law of assumption, non duality etc etc for a year now and the main thing that kept popping up in my head was “is this concept true?”

The concept that I’m talking about is: “we are the creators of our reality”

Honestly, this journey has brought me a lot of suffer because I’m a natural overthinker, skeptical, a tad pessimistic and extremely self judging. So I would often feel dumb and stupid for believing I could actually change my WHOLE life and manifest things that would be seem as actually absurd and impossible.

This experience of seeing so many times people saying “we are limitless” or “everything is malleable” “you can get anything you want” has dragged me into this rabbit whole of full peace of mind and hope and then being totally ripped apart by negativity, pessimism and skepticism.

I’m honestly tired and I really, really, really need to get out of it, so you are my hope of weather I should continue my journey to get a better life or finally have a closure on this whole world of manifestation, shifting realities etc

Is it really possible? I’m asking this with my whole heart and soul. It is possible to experience this reality shiftings, changes of physical appearance, revise past and all that?

I really need to put an end on my suffering and move on with my life and I rather know the final answer now instead of wasting my life on things that won’t happen and just end up more frustrated in the future.

Can we change our 3D world (I know you said there’s no separation, but as I said I can’t speak in a non duality way I’m sorry) or we just have to accept we can only control to a certain point?

Is it true that if I’m not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won’t? That no matter how hard I try I could never “attract” a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?

I’m sorry if this ask is heavy or if my words were harsh somehow. I don’t want to put a responsibility on your shoulder, I just really need to find peace and I need a final answer.

Thank you!

Here's the thing Anon: No one can help you but yourself. As harsh as it sounds, IT is what IT is, i'm not sugarcoating anything, it's a bit long and wordy so read carefully.

In tibet we have these sayings:

1. "You can offer a handful of grass to the cow, but you can't force it to graze."

2. "You can present the scriptures, but you can't enlighten the mind."

Even though i tag my stuff with "#nondualism" and a lot of people associate me with it, i don't follow any concept in particular. I only point you into the direction of "THAT". What you do with it, is your choice. You said you've been on a "journey" with lots of concepts like LoA, Manifestation, ND. Ask yourself, what exactly has been keeping you from actually turning within into silence instead of gathering one concept after another? Who decides that something is "impossible" and "absurd" like you said? I know you already told me that you'll talk in concepts but i still have to ask, are the limitations you have set for yourself REALLY fundamentally a thing? Do they exist if you aren't aware of such limitations?

Emptiness

NO concept is true, untrue or real. No words are true, untrue or real. I could tell you "no, Non Dualism or "AWARENESS" is not true. You can't change your life" but that's going to have a negative impact on you, wouldn't it? Why is that so? Those words don't prove anything to you. They are just words.

EVERY word is empty by nature, we give meaning to them. If i told you "བདག དངབ བསམ ངས་ཡང་ཡིན་གསལ" could you do anything with that sentence? No, because that sentence has no meaning to you.. you don't speak the language. Whatever I said, is meaningless to you. But if I translated it in english, you would be able to understand because you speak english and give it meaning (-> what was once meaningless and empty, now has an illusory meaning given by you). Got it?

What I'm trying to say is that it is important to understand that words have no meaning whatsoever BY NATURE and because they are meaningless BY NATURE, we can tell you whatever we want to, it is up to you alone what you're going to do with that. Does that make any sense to you? I hope i got my point across on how we give meanings to every empty word.

We do the same thing with different situations.

A stormy day can be the worst day ever for you but for someone else, it's the best thing ever.

If someone told me my content is trash, i do not care. If someone told 18 year old Koda her content is trash, i would've wasted a thought or two on that statement. If Dechen (my boyfriend, co-admin) read that we're spreading lies he would've written an essay telling that person to shut up & move along 2 years ago, but now he'd ignore it because he couldn't care any less. Now, everything is meaningless for everyone. I can decide if I want to be affected by those words, or not. If i told you "Everything's a lie" , what are you going to do then? Are you going to abandon everything just because I, someone you find "reliable", said so? If that's what you would do, why? What made you attach so much importance to a random "person"?

Is it true?

"Is it true that [...]"

"Is it true that [...]"

"Is it true that [...]"

Who are you asking? Me? Why? Do you want it to be true or untrue? Since all words are meaningless and empty by nature, is there a difference between the words "true and untrue" or is it the same "Emptiness"? You alone make your decisions. I can point you towards "IT" but 'you' are the one who's going to recognize "IT" or not. I have nothing to do with that descision.

Read whatever you want to. Practise whatever you want to or don't. At the end of the day, you alone give meaning to the meaningless. You can define emptiness but that doesn't change its Nature which is "emptiness", "nothingness" whatever-ness.

Definitions

"I'm an overthinker, skeptical and pessimistic."

What made you come to that conclusion? In order to answer that, i assume you have to think and list all moments in which you were overthinking, skeptical and pessimistic but are you able to answer that question without thinking? If you aren't thinking, WHAT or WHO are you? Are those thoughts you define yourself by, real in any way or are you just aware of different behaviors and define them as "overthinking, skepticism, pessimism" after thinking about it? Could you define yourself for me, without thinking? Try it.👀

Enlightenment?

You said you are not "looking for enlightenment" from ND , what exactly are you looking for then? Only a "person" can get enlightened, but there is no actual "person" here. What is, is. All concepts only POINT you to one direction -> "IT". Some, like advaita vedanta, are more direct than many limited & watered down versions of ND people now call "Law of Consciousness or Law of Assumption "with extra steps" on tumblr or twitter. In my humble and illusory opinion, it is nonsense but does it matter?👁️

The non-existent "I"

"Is it true that if I'm not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won't? That no matter how hard I try I could never "attract" a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?" -> define and show me the "i" you keep talking about. Do it without thinking. If you ponder on it long enough on a deep level, you will instantly answer your own Questions and the "i" you are talking about. Define and show me your doubts without thinking. There is no person to believe in anything, no person that is actually doubting, no person that is actually here.

「You can mold clay into a pot but that doesn't change the fact that it is clay and will always be clay」

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

The Decay of Complex Characters and Character Development in Helluva Boss (Stolas and Octavia’s Relationship: Part 2 of 2)

Part 1 here

I felt I had to make separate part just for “Seeing Stars” because my other post was getting way too long, and I wanted to really focus on the treatment of Stolas and Octavia’s by the writers.

Please know that this is JUST my opinion and not a personal attack on HB’s writers or creators. I’m talking and venting a bit about my personal frustrations with the series regarding what I perceive as being MAJOR plot holes and inconsistencies in the show’s writing.

As of right now—and I do want to acknowledge this could change, but as of right now—it largely seems like any character development Stolas may have gone through after “Loo Loo Land” has been completely tossed out the window.

I personally believe that the writers of Helluva Boss think that they are writing Stolas to be more complex, but he has yet to have to actually be held accountable for his actions, and for breaking his promises to Octavia.

And the way the writers present him has really come to bother me. So I wanted to talk more about it, and about how Stolas cannot become a well-written, complex, and engaging character until the writers let him actually be imperfect and complex.

To talk about this more in depth, I gotta go over the second episode that features Octavia, Season 2, Episode 2 of Helluva Boss—“Seeing Stars”

(TLDR at the end)

To start, “Seeing Stars” is narratively very similar to “Loo Loo Land”. By “very similar” I mean that it’s almost the exact same plot, but frustratingly more clunky. Here is an extremely short summary:

The main crux of the conflict in “Seeing Stars” is that Stolas forgot about a promise he made to Octavia to go see a meteor shower, and ends up neglecting her.

Specifically, he forgets because he is too busy yelling at Stella over the phone due to their contentious divorce. Octavia feels let down by her father again, and runs away to the human realm to see the meteor shower on her own.

Stolas and I.M.P. panic and go after her. Eventually Loona finds her and gives her a speech that essentially boils down to: “everyone’s got hardships and problems but Dads ESPECIALLY have problems. Your Dad is trying really hard right now. So that should count for something right?”

And that comforts Octavia in the moment. Octavia and Stolas reunite, he asks her why she ran away, and she tells him she was trying to see the meteor shower he promised to take her to. Stolas is horrified that he’d forgotten, starts to apologize, but Octavia cuts him off and tells him “it’s okay”, forgiving him.

I rewatched “Seeing Stars” before making this post to make sure I hadn’t misremembered any crucial plot points.

I thought I remembered that, at the very end of the episode, Stolas apologized to Octavia for breaking his promise and then she told him it was okay.

It turns out I had misremembered things, because the writers literally kept Stolas from saying sorry.

This leads to the main criticism I have of Stolas as a character, especially from a writing standpoint. The narrative does not allow for Stolas to ever truly be in the wrong, or for anyone, including Stolas, to fully acknowledge that he is in the wrong.

And I know that it’s easy to go “BUT LOOK! Octavia says “I know, Dad”! She KNOWS that Stolas is sorry.

That’s fair, but for me personally, I think an EARNEST and verbal apology is needed here to show that Stolas has grown.

I’m very lucky in that I have a good relationship with my parents, but that doesn’t mean we never fought or they never said or did things that hurt me.

I distinctly remember a time when my Mom was apologizing to me for something she did, I said “it’s okay” and she immediately replied “No, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive me”.

That really changed my perspective on conflict. I think a lot of people, including myself until then, consider “it’s okay” to be a form of saying “I forgive you”. And I’m not trying to police like…basic language and substitute words. But I DO strongly believe in taking responsibility for when you hurt someone.

In all honesty, I think this scene actually could have worked for Stolas’ character development if he had actually acknowledged that, “No, it’s not. It’s not okay that I broke my promise to you. I’m sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, but if you can’t right now, I understand.”

THAT, to me, shows character development. That would’ve shown that Stolas is, at the very least, trying to make an actual effort to change for the sake of Octavia.

Instead, though, SHE apologizes Stolas for running away to try and see the meteor shower that HE promised to take her to. And the writers refuse to even let Stolas say he’s sorry.

Let Stolas say he’s sorry, writers! Let Stolas be in the wrong!!! I promise it won’t make people hate his character!

I mean, jfc, just look at the fandom around Hazbin’s Valentino. That guy could not be more evil if he tried and a lot of fans can’t seem to get enough of him.

My other issue with the treatment of Octavia in this episode, SPECIFICALLY the speech that Loona gives Octavia near the end.

Because. Oof. There’s a lot to unpack. Firstly:

Maybe it’s just me, but I find the way the writers have Loona frame this situation as being really really weird. To be clear, I don’t think it starts off too badly. Everyone DOES have issues, and that can affect the way they act and treat others and make mistakes.

That said, dads are not inherently more messed up or dealing with more difficulties than anyone else.

Dads have issues the same as any other person, but they don’t get special privileges or passes because they’re dads. They’re responsible for themselves like every other person with issues and difficulties, and they’re still responsible for themselves and their mistakes.

It’s especially frustrating because the writers are using Stolas’ “issues” as a crutch to excuse their bad behavior. This happens a lot with writers trying to excuse or justify their character’s actions. The “issues” can be anything from a difficult childhood, relationship troubles or divorce, a traumatic experience, etc. but these things should never be used as a way to excuse a character’s every mistake and flaw.

Effective writing will use a character’s history to explain the reasons a character acts or behaves a certain way, not excuse that behavior. This leads to characters that the audience can become more invested in, and can form different opinions or interpretations about.

A really great example of this is Bojack Horseman, whose terrible upbringing and abuse definitely garner audience sympathy, but the writers never use this to as a justification for the Bojack’s behaviors. Bojack continually makes really terrible choices that hurt the people he cares about the most, and while we as the audience still sympathize with him to an extent, we still get frustrated with Bojack, and be disappointed by him.

The audience finally gets some catharsis from this frustration when Bojack is called out by his best friend Todd for this, after he finally breaks any remaining trust in their friendship with the following quote:

“You can’t keep doing this! You can’t keep doing shitty things, and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better! [Bojack apologizes and then continues to make excuses] …BoJack, stop. You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened in your career, or when you were a kid—It's you. Alright? It's you. Fuck, man. What else is there to say?”

In my opinion, Helluva Boss’ writers seem to be determined to write the exact opposite of this sentiment.

The writers frame Loona’s speech to Octavia as a heartwarming moment—a moment where Loona helps Octavia realize that Stolas cares about her and is trying his best, so Octavia should cut him some slack.

This is, quite frankly, a BAFFLING scene because Loona’s behavior for the ENTIRE EPISODE is her assaulting and yelling at her dad. Like, she has given Blitzø absolutely NO slack before this moment, and then doesn’t give him any in the scene DIRECTLY after this, where she assaults him again while he’s in the middle of apologizing to her.

Not only is it odd to have Loona tell Octavia all of this and then not act on it herself, but the whole scene really reads as the writers trying to sweep Octavia’s very valid and real feelings of hurt over her father’s neglect under the rug.

And look. Trying to be better can be important. Trying to change and be better IS worthy of being acknowledged. But at a certain point, as Todd points out to Bojack, you have to actually be better.

In part 1, I talked about how the end of “Looloo Land” had set things up for Stolas to start being more conscientious of Octavia’s feelings and needs. He took the first step of making amends with her, of listening to her and her concerns and fears.

“Seeing Stars” was an episode that could have shown him being better. But instead. Well.

In her speech to Octavia Loona says this:

And to be fair, Loona didn’t know what hijinks Stolas and Blitzø were getting up to in the city. She probably did think Stolas was looking for her.

…Except…he kind of wasn’t…

During the search for Octavia, Blitzø gets mistaken for a famous Hollywood actor, and he and Stolas are essentially kidnapped to be in a sitcom. When this first happens, Stolas is anxious, clearly upset that there search has been further impeded:

He’s scared that Octavia could be in danger, or hurt. Stolas seemingly wants to find her as soon as possible.

Well. Once they get to the Hollywood sitcom shoot, the following scenes happen:

STOLAS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???? YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR THIS ??? BLITZØ DIDNT EVEN WANT TO PERFORM, AND YOU MADE HIM! WHY?!?! YOU DONT OWE THESE PEOPLE ANYTHING? THE TV PRODUCER EVEN LEFT THE ROOM BEFORE THE SHOW STARTED, NO ONE WAS KEEPING YOU THERE!!!

WHY ARE YOU INVESTED IN THIS AND WORRIED ABOUT THE AUDIENCE NOT LAUGHING?!?! STOLAS YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID YOUR DAUGHTER COULD BE IN DANGER IN THE VAN, WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY SO CONCERNED WITH MAKING BLITZØ ACT IN THIS SITCOM???? STOLAS YOU DONT KNOW WHERE YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER IS?!?!?

I just…I’m sorry, I just think this episode is so so clunky and so poorly written. I think it may be one of the episodes with the least consistent character writing.

The scene continues, Stolas gets distracted by how attractive he finds Blitzø, and Blitzø acts in the sitcom for so long that even Stolas looks bored and out of it.

At this point in the story, he doesn’t know where his daughter is, if she’s hurt, or in danger, or even why she ran away in the first place. But instead of that taking the absolute top priority for him, he takes time to watch Blitzø make bad jokes in a wig for the whole afternoon.

Stolas isn’t even the one to get them out of the Hollywood studio, Blitzø is. Blitzø has a panic attack about the thought of Loona being taken from him during the sitcom shoot, and that’s what sparks them escaping.

The two escape the studio and meet up with Octavia and Loona, and the episode ends with Octavia apologizing for running away, and Stolas not having to apologize to her for his mistakes because Octavia already knows he’s sorry.

In Part 1, I talked about how at the end of “Loo Loo Land”, the writers set up the building blocks for Stolas’s character development in regards to his relationship with Octavia. S1 E2 of Helluva Boss ends with Stolas listening to his daughter, realizing his actions hurt her, and acting like he’s going to start putting her first.

“Seeing Stars” undoes all of that development. Which wasn’t even that much character development in the first place. Just the kicking off point for Stolas’ growth as a character.

Reviewing this episode made me realize that Stolas’ character development may have actually regressed. He doesn’t keep his promise to Octavia, he starts flirting with Blitzø when he should be looking for her, and wastes valuable time fucking around with Blitzø on a sitcom set.

And listen, I KNOW that Blitzø got Loona to look for Octavia right after he and Stolas got kidnapped by the tv producers. But after they get out of the Van, WHY does Stolas just continue to go along with it? He was so concerned and scared for Via before, wouldn’t he want to get back to looking for her as soon as possible?? And have as many people as possible working on finding her???

Blitzø doesn’t even want to go on the sitcom and for some reason Stolas makes him! The tv producer had left the room at that point too, and Stolas is a DEMON PRINCE, no one was keeping them there!

Stolas gives the reason for Blitzø needing to perform to be “so they can get back to looking for Via” but they can just do that without having to be in the sitcom?

I think the writers might have written dramatic irony into the story without meaning to? Loona tells Octavia that “[Stolas is] down there. Looking for you”, but we as the audience know that’s not true. Stolas wasn’t looking for his daughter. He was watching Blitzø star in a bad sitcom for 5 hours.

This becomes extra frustrating and gut-wrenching for me when I think about Octavia right before Loona’s speech about how “dads are special and have it extra extra bad and try extra extra hard and that’s super important, even if they fuck up and hurt you”

This scene is absolutely heartbreaking to me. This is a 17 year old girl who has been repeatedly let down by one of the people she looked up to and relied upon the most, who rightfully feels abandoned and like she no longer has a home.

Specifically the line “Why does he hate [my mum] more than he loves me?” hits extra hard.

I don’t know what it’s like to have divorced parents, but I can imagine that anyone who has may have had this exact thought. Octavia needs support more now than ever, and keeps getting let down by the adults around her, and it just breaks my heart to see this young vulnerable girl not really have anyone who acknowledges that what Stolas did was hurtful. That it wasn’t okay, and that she’s allowed to be upset about it.

The reason she exists in the story isn’t to be her own person and to have character development of her own. She exists just to be Stolas’ daughter, and to forgive him for his wrongdoings and make him seem like a “good” person because even though he has issues, he still loves her! That makes him a good dad!

And I don’t know how Octavia is broadly accepted in the HB fandom, but I’ve heard that she may not be liked very well, and I don’t understand how anyone could see this scene and think she’s annoying or terrible.

Honestly, I would NOT be as frustrated and disappointed by the writing in this episode, if the writers and the fandom at large didn’t treat this episode like it had a heartwarming and satisfying resolution. If the writers treated Stolas as a complex person who is able to make mistakes, and who still really needs to own up to his actions and take responsibility for his broken promises, I would probably like him a lot more as a complex and nuanced character.

But the way the writers frame Stolas as being in the right, or being the victim, or being fully justified in all his actions isn’t just bad writing. It’s boring. Stolas is a boring character because the writers do not allow him to be in the wrong, to be morally ambiguous or dark, or to be called out or held accountable for his mistakes.

The writers MAY somehow undo the damage they already did in “Seeing Stars”, but given the way that the writers, show creators, and fandom go out of their way to excuse any morally grey, questionable, or harmful decisions Stolas makes, I’m not going to hold my breath.

TLDR:

-Despite Octavia being hurt by Stolas again, the writers refuse to put him in any situation where he’s held accountable for his mistakes

-The writers use Stolas’ “issues” to excuse away his bad behavior. And specify that Octavia should cut Stolas some slack because he’s a dad and being a dad is extra hard I guess?

-the framing of the episode acts like Stolas did everything in his power to look for Octavia when he clearly didn’t (he was goofing off with Blitzø)

-Stolas is ultimately uninteresting and not engaging as a character because the writers go out of their way to excuse his behavior and mistakes even when he’s in the wrong.

-Stolas cannot be a complex character if he is always absolved of the consequences of his actions and is not allowed by the writers to be better (in my opinion)

Also sidebar—WHY DID HE NOT CALL OCTAVIA ON HER PHONE!?!

In the VERY first episode of HB Stolas is LITERALLY INTRODUCED TO US by calling Blitzø on his phone and watching Blitzø in the human world from hell, without the use of his Grimoire!! HE HAS THE POWER TO DO THAT!!!

I was like, maybe Octavia didn’t have her phone for a SECOND before remembering that LOONA FINDS OCTAVIA BY LOOKING AT THE PICTURES SHES POSTING TO SOCIAL MEDIA WITH HER PHONE.

Like Stolas do you not know ur own daughters phone number. AND YOURE GIVING BLITZØ A HARD TIME ABOUT NOT KNOWING MOXXIE’S?? Also when Blitzø is in danger you can pinpoint his exact location, travel to the human world without the grimoire terrify and reveal your existence to MULTIPLE humans with absolute disregard for being discovered, but when your OWN DAUGHTER is missing and you have NO idea why or if she’s in danger, suddenly you have time to run around LA for a day getting into shenanigans???? She’s your DAUGHTER. No wonder she doesn’t think you care about her because I sure as hell don’t after that episode. Lord.

[salty-croissants]

Bullfrog and Rayman/Ramon x reader on their period

Thank you @bullfrog-supremacy for the request !

I’m currently trying my best to finish up as many of these as I can , mostly because I’m disorganized as hell and let them pile up ;C; 

As soon as I’m left with a more reasonable number , I’ll open up my requests again for some time , promised ! 👍

Anyway , this is actually a pretty appropriate moment for me to write this one since … well , I’m currently living the topic of the prompt (,:

It’s actually very comforting to imagine how the cuties would take care of the reader at a time like this ://)

Hope it turned out okay ! 

Details : use of gender neutral reader ;

established relationships ; 

no warnings needed 

Bullfrog 💚

Like always , Bullfrog immediately notices that something is a little off about you , and he is quick to guess what is happening …

< Is it that time of the month , mon amour ? > 

< … yeah … don’t worry though , it just hurts a little , I can still help you with - > 

< Non non , that’s not necessary : what you need right now is to get some rest , you look very tired . > 

< Really ? Is that … okay ? > 

< Of course it is my dear ! You don’t worry about a thing , I will take care of you . > 

< Heh … thank you my love ~ > 

He really means it : 

even if he has to leave for a urgent mission , Bullfrog will exit your home only after he made sure that you’re comfortable and you have everything you need to help you relieve the pain , from blankets to warm drinks and medicine …

He just wouldn’t be able to bare the thought of knowing his y/n isn’t feeling well and he isn’t doing anything about it .

< Here , I made some tea , be careful though : it’s very hot . > 

< Thank you so much , Bullfrog … sorry for being a bit moody this morning by the way … it usually happens when I’m like this . > 

< Ne t'inquiète pas y/n , what matters now is that you take all the time you need to feel better : I will spend a lot more time with you once I get back , promis juré . > 

Bullfrog is going to be very careful when cuddling with you to avoid holding you too tightly and hurting you : 

if you don’t feel comfortable with being touched he will perfectly understand , and is going to be happy to just lie by your side while you rest . 

Even if you’re not feeling at your best , he really is just content with being with you ❤️

Rayman 🧡

Rayman feels bad about seeing his beloved in pain and not being able to take it away from you … it’s the worst feeling for him . 

However , you can be sure that he will do everything he can to help you get better , and that starts with making you lie down somewhere comfortable , either the couch or the bed .

< There you go , darling … take it easy , let me take care of everything , okay ? > 

< Okay … thanks Ray , I really needed this … ~ > 

< No need to thank me , it’s the least I could do for my beautiful y/n ~ > 

If you feel the need to talk about something , maybe even vent for a bit , Rayman is going to stay there and listen to you for as long as you need ( though unfortunately he needs to leave to attend his shows , so he can’t do this as much as he’d like ) .

If you ever feel ashamed about it , he is quick to put your mind at ease .

< Wait , how long have I been … ? 

Crap , I’m sorry , I shouldn’t have kept you here listening to my melodramatic speech about how this whole thing sucks … > 

< No no , please y/n don’t ever apologize for something like that ! 

How long have you listened to my rants about what those douchebags say about me at work ? > 

< Well , yeah but … that’s different … > 

< Nah , you deserve to be able to speak your mind too , especially when you’re with me . 

What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t even bother to hear you out ? > 

If you even just hint that you need something , anything , Rayman will rush off and then materialize by your side seconds later with just what you asked … it never fails to make you smile , despite the annoying and sharp feeling brought by your period .

< Hehe , wow , I literally just mentioned a glass of water and you already got it …

You’re always so sweet , Ray … I love you so much … ~ > 

< I love you too , honey ! ~

Trust me , if I didn’t need to head out for today’s shows I’d just stay here with you all day … > 

< Really … ? Even though I’m constantly bothering you and complaining about things … ? > 

< y/n , you could never bother me . It’s an understandable reaction , you’re not feeling well and it hurts , so please don’t feel bad about needing to talk about what’s wrong , okay ? 

I want to be with you all the time , especially when you’re not at your best : you’ve always been there for me after all , so it’s time I repay the favor . > 

< Ray … ! > 

You can’t help but lean forward to kiss him after he says those adorable things … 

Rayman truly is a sweetheart :,//) 

Ramon 🖤

Since Ramon is always determined to take care of you at the best of his abilities , when he realizes you’re on your period he will pretty much force you to get some rest , even if you don’t feel like it .

< Ram , please … I can help you with it if you let me get u - > 

< No . > 

< But - > 

< No , you need to sleep , I know you had trouble with it last night .

Now please … lie your head back down , honey . > 

Similarly to the past , Ramon is also insanely quick when it comes to providing you with what you need , no matter what that might be : 

you’re cold ? He shows up with as many blankets as he can carry .

You’re thirsty or would like something to eat ? He is going to bring you your favorite drinks and snacks .

Anything to make sure you’re as comfortable as possible .

< Thank you , Ram ~

 I would’ve gotten it myself , but it started to hurt again … > 

< Don’t worry about it , just tell me if there’s something else I can do for you , okay ? > 

Ramon loves to lay by your side while you rest , his hands gently holding you while he whispers sweet nothings in your ear … 

It’s his goal to make you feel appreciated , especially now that you’re not feeling too well .

< You really do mean everything to me , y’know … ? 

I promise you darling , I’ll do all I can to help you feel better . > 

< Heh … this is already helping me a lot , sweetie ~

I just … I love you so much … thank you for being there for me . > 

[gimmebackmyskeeball]

Cinnamon Girl

author’s note: this was longer than I thought it was honestly, it’s been sitting in my drafts for a fat minute. It’s a piece of shit and it’s completely not proofread I was just listening to Cinnamon Girl and started thinking about Jj all of a sudden. Also I don’t know if you can tell but I was kinda high when I wrote this I lowkey fixing my mistakes but let me know if I missed any cause my migraine’s fuckin me up the ass and my head’s throbbing and I’m just noticing I vented a little bit so if that’s gonna trigger you in the slightest way possible I suggest you don’t read this.

warnings: mentions of abuse, a teeny tiny mention of ed, trauma dump (by me), objectification(?), cussing, bad writing probably, stoned author, sorry bout that.

inspo song: Cinnamon Girl by Lana Del Rey

You do accept. You’re way past the denial phase anymore. You are irrefutably in love with your best friend. And no, we’re not talking about a silly attraction or crush, you were in love with him. In love with the way he walks, in love with the way he talks, in love with how he payed attention to every single thing you do and immediately fixed whatever it is that annoys you. You were completely in love in love with him and the worst part is that you were okay with it. You stopped thinking that it was possible in any way shape or form a long time ago. But no matter what you do you couldn’t stopped loving him, loving anything that came by him. You were ready to do anything to receive some kind of validation from him. Anything.

Cinnamon in my teeth,

From your kiss, you’re touchin’ me

It’s not like you didn’t tried. Almost see through tops, those denim shorts that ends right by your ass, hugging it tightly. Okay, maybe it is actually embarrassing to show off yourself just so some guy would give you attention but he wasn’t some guy. He was never just some guy. The moment you look at him your whole self respect leaves your body and honestly, who could blame you? You didn’t even believed but it had actually worked, he had threw some “Damn girl, never knew you could dress like that.” or “Looking good.” here and there and it made you feel better than ever. You do pity yourself for it, for the fact that you decided to do something that you would find other woman who do it lame just for him and also because you liked it. You did. And you did it more. You kept doing it until he stopped. What happened? Were you ugly now? Did something change? Did someone else got his attention now? No, no one but you can have his attention, they just can’t. You’ll make sure of it.

All the pills that you take,

Violet, blue, green, red to keep me at arms length don’t work

I guess you weren’t his type anyway, he was into bimbos, girls that are head empty, no thoughts. No thoughts but sex that is. And you were ready to be that for him if he let you. You were ready to be something you despised with a burning passion only for him. He was no good for you that’s for sure, he made you cry and he made you feel insecure, he made you feel desperate and overwhelmed but there’s one thing he never made you feel before, unsafe. He never made you feel unsafe. He feels like home, I know that’s cheesy but it’s true. It feels right with him even though it can’t be more wrong. He just feels so right, you want him, no, you need him. You know he needs you too, if you really think about it he would be alone if it wasn’t for you. Who does he goes to when he has a fight with his dad? Who patches him up? Who takes care of him when he comes to the château in the middle of the night, drunk or high or both? And who plays babysitter next morning when his hangover is eating him alive? You.

You try to push me out,

But I just find my way back in

Violet, blue, green, red to keep me out

It has always been you for him. The one who was there for him. His safety school. His hiding spot. Sometimes you do feel like there’s something special and he feels it too but maybe it’s your delusions or that part of you that is aching for Jj so hard that it’s painful now. It hurts you when he gives you hope too. Which unfortunately he likes to do. Don’t know why. You’d be sitting in the backyard, smoking weed, talking about your pasts and plans for your futures and he says something like “You know what I want? I wanna see the world, surf, never see another kook for the rest of my life, do whatever the fuck I want, never let anybody tell me what to do anymore.” You understood him, you’ve been a pogue all along but you didn’t wanted freedom or money. You wanted him. He was your escape from reality. As two teenagers coming from problematic families you two got each other. You gave him a smile, “Yeah…yeah I mean, I get it. This place is pretty but it’s just…stressing” “It is. I’m done with it. Done with all of it. I just wanna leave, you comin’?” Is he serious? Are you coming? He wants you there and thinks you have a choice of not coming? You would go to the deeps ends of hell with him if he wanted you there. “Sure. If you don’t mind.” “‘Course I don’t. Just wanna spend the rest of this miserable life how I want. Doin’ whatever I want. You and me, against the world. That’s how I wanna spend it.”

I win.

You wanted to tell him. Tell him that you wanted to spend it exactly the same. That you needed no one and nothing but him. But you were a coward, that’s what you were. “I don’t think future Mrs. Wife wouldn’t like that very much.” He smiled, god his smile, those dimples… Lost. You feel lost. Without him, you’ll feel lost. “Bold of you to assume that my future wife won’t want you there instead of you being the wife herself.” Joke. All jokes. Not funny Jj. How dare does he takes my only purpose in life and shove it to my face like it’s some super funny joke? Screw him. I love him. So goddamn much. “Yeah. Real bold.” He noticed your frown, just like how he notices everything. “I’m serious. Pogue for life, yeah? If my foreign wife doesn’t want an og ‘round us, she can piss off.” Lies. You don’t believe him. He’s gonna dump his wife for you? Bullshit. “You’re ridiculous, it’s the woman you’re gonna marry we’re talking about. You’re gonna leave your wife for me?” Oh god how you wish he did. He doesn’t even have a wife and now you’re jealous of an imaginary person. Great. “Like I said I can’t leave my wife for my wife, peach.” Same joke. Still not funny. “You’re not funny Jay.” “Oh I agree, I’m not jokin’ whatsoever. I seriously doubt anyone’s gonna ever take me as a husband and well…sorry to tell you this but you’re stuck with me.” I wanna be stuck with you, talk straight, tell you that I can’t be stuck with you because I want you by my side anyway. But I can’t.

There’s things I wanna say to you

But I’ll just let you live

Like if you hold me without hurting me

You’ll be the first who ever did

Don’t know what he’ll do, what he’ll say. I mean it’s not like you know what’s he’s gonna do ever but this is different. If you tell him the truth would he leave you? See now, that’s the day where you’d die. Jj is not just Jj. He’s you. He’s everything that makes you, you. And maybe it’s stupid and crazy to give someone this much meaning but it doesn’t seem that crazy when it comes to him. Because with your entire existence, you love him. With every bone in your body, you adore him. Maybe it’s trauma bonding…because you get it. Dad sucked, just like his. And you know exactly how he feels every time another punch lands on his face by his own father. The man who gave him life. It’s understandable that he doesn’t believe in love. You didn’t either. Until you met him. Until you realized what a perfect fucking boy he is. He is going to be yours, he doesn’t have a choice. It’s an exaggeration or maybe not, who gives a shit? He’s the only thing in this fucked up world that’s makes you feel fulfilled. He’s like a drug. Makes you feel good. Makes him feel good. But in the end of the day you both know you’re bad for each other. So? Who gives a fuck? You’re both fucked up, perfect pairing, perfect partners. At least you have each other’s backs. His dad gets abusive? You’re there to comfort him. Your dad gets abusive? He’s there to comfort you. He’s drunk and having a panic attack? You ran to him, you’re his way out. You’re gonna binge or do the exact opposite? He’s your only way out. His mom isn’t in the picture. And yours is just barely. See? Soulmates.

There’s things I wanna talk about

But better not to give

But if you hold me without hurting me

You’ll be the first who ever did

You hated him. Hated how much you love him and how unconditionally you loved him. How much you changed for him. How you did everything he said and wanted. How you served him. How much you liked doing it. And how you’re gonna keep doing it no matter what happens.

Hold me, love me, touch me, honey

Be the first who ever did

I mean, he’s gonna leave. Everyone leaves. Until then you want him by your side. He can do what he wants, you only have one request from him and that is his love. He’s worth it. Because if he holds you without hurting you, he’ll really be the first who ever did.

take a shot every time I say love challenge les go

[adoremexxs]

Sekido and Aizetsu Modern Headcanons

i love writing for sekido.

warnings: mentions of sh, smoking, i always make these so angsty

Sekido

OH MY GOD

i love this man

so hands up by 6arelyhuman is one of his favorite songs

if karaku catches him singing it, he gets mad

and throws things at karaku bc karaku loves teasing him

sekido is EXTREMELY skilled at archery

the way his arms pull the bow back with such strength, his veins bulging out and his hair up in a bun

he’s so fine

he gets extremely stressed so he has resulted to smoking weed from time to time and to smoking cigarettes

he keeps the cigarettes hid from his brothers but most of them all know about it

he just doesn’t want aizetsu to find out

sekido and karaku are the only brothers who have kept their long locks

sekido wears it up in a bun whenever he is doing activities or uses a head scarf (what Uta wears) to pull it back when cleaning or doing chores

he does most of the chores around the house, aizetsu helps him but he mainly cleans bc urogi and karaku def don’t clean

zohakuten has jokingly called him mom or mother a couple of times

whenever it’s raining, he loves it, he relaxes so much more

he sits in his room, by the window to watch the rain go “pit-pat” against the window, a book of poetry sat in his lap

he wears sweaters a lot

especially at home when it’s that cozy fall or winter weather

he LOVES fall or winter but gets pissed when it’s too cold or wet to do anything

sekido constantly needs to move around or engage his mind or else he doesn’t know what to do

aizetsu sometimes comes into his room and lays on his bed to sleep or just talk to him

“sekido, are you alright? you look a bit upset…”

“perfectly fine, zetsu…”

“you know you can tell me anything, ‘kido…”

Sekido lets Aizetsu vent or cry to him no matter HOW annoying he can be

Whenever Aizetsu’s toxic ex girlfriend cheated on him with Douma of all people, Sekido threatened to beat him up

And he did

Though Aizetsu didn’t want him too

Sekido and Aizetsu are pretty close

Aizetsu is his baby brother, he must take care of him

He has to take care of them all

Whenever Sekido found out about Karaku’s incident, he didn’t talk to him for a week

he couldn’t process it

why would his little brother do something like that?

something so stupid!

it infuriated him so much that he didn’t want to see karaku’s face

it pained him too much

but eventually they started talking again

enough with the sappy shit

karaku made sekido be an art model for a day

it was a harmless idea

but man did it boost sekido’s ego, they all made him look so good, so sculpted

but our bbg is already perfect

sekido doesn’t know how gorgeous he is

A LOT of girls have a crush on him

but he scares everyone off by being so harsh and mean

it’s even hotter to watch him practice soccer, football or archery

his legs are massive, he legit has massive thighs and calves

he takes all his anger out on football and soccer

can play the violin and piano

wears earrings, usually gold

has matching nipple piercings w/ karaku and urogi

they did it while he was asleep

he’s a deep sleeper, he can sleep through anything

he slept thru getting his nipples pierced

sekido was pissed when he saw them and urogi and karaku were forced to clean the entire house as punishment

gets in a lot of fights

the BIGGEST daddy issues

legit has the biggest daddy issues and anger issues

karaku deals with his daddy n mommy issues by sleeping with multiple people

sekido deals with his daddy n mommy issues by beating the shit out of people and having extreme negative thoughts

his mental health is shit

he suffered from self harm for awhile, he always wears long sleeves even in 100 degree weather

karaku always thought it was strange but he legit didn’t think anything of it. he thought sekido just likes long sleeves

he’s recovered now, thank goodness

also goes to therapy

after what happened with Zohakuten, he felt terrible because he had become just like their father

he’s doing a lot better now

Aizetsu

oh aizetsu

he’s one of the sweetest brothers

Him and Urogi get along but Urogi’s teasing makes him sad sometimes

Urogi immediately apologizes

He spends most of his time with Sekido

Especially in his room

he’ll lay on Sekido’s bed to nap or read to just talk to his big brother and Sekido will listen

he legit cried his heart out when his toxic gf cheated on him

Sekido awkwardly comforted and then took Aizetsu to a bunny cafe to cheer him up

Aizetsu LOVES bunnies

And collecting crystals with Urogi

His love for bunnies is extreme

He begs Sekido for one

Sekido says no everytime but if Aizetsu wants a bunny plushie, he’ll buy it

which resulted in Aizetsu’s bed being filled with bunny plushies

some are in his closet

he has too many

wears bunny jewelry

like bracelets or necklaces sometimes

Karaku would tease him for his love for bunnies, saying that he is like Zohakuten who has a childish obsession with dragons

Zohakuten beats Karaku up for that

Him and Urogi will practice soccer together or sometimes, very rarely, work out together

Aizetsu doesn’t work out really, his muscle is all from genetics and doing sports

He does track and soccer so his legs are naturally built

He bruises very easily

Also gets hurt easily which has Urogi and Sekido fussing over him

Urogi is very protective over Aizetsu because he doesn’t want his brother to be hurt at all

That’s why he played a prank on Aizetsu’s toxic ex-girlfriend because it’s not like he can beat her up

They got Daki to do that instead

He times it perfectly

He was on the second floor and leaning out the window with a bucket of green slime, obviously Karaku was with him

He dumped slime on her head

Aizetsu was so embarrassed that Urogi did that

but also thought it was funny and deserved

Aizetsu took up fencing as a past time

He’s really good at it and he enjoys it

is depressed and has to take medication

he is slowly getting better

distracting himself is his way of escaping it

he has a beautiful singing voice

he can sing them high notes

can play the violin as well

him and urogi match sometimes

is lowkey obsessed with “Love is a waste of time” by Lovely Peaches and “I know you” by Faye Webster

I know you is his crying song

he pretends he’s in an edit sometimes when he is alone

it’s very funny

Blew up on tiktok

he is legit known as the “sad hot guy”

is ashamed of his title

but his followers have boosted his confidence a bit

karaku has tried to get famous on tiktok too

“we legit should start a tiktok with all four of us”

“that’s a terrible idea, karaku. you’ll just hog all the attention!”

“no i won’t!”

even though his brothers all argue and give Aizetsu a headache, he still loves them a lot

[mail-me-a-snail]

i love seeing ur posts about your ocs it feels like seeing posts from a mutual about a different fandom. pls give us an Information about one of them, use this ask as an excuse to talk about something that has been rotating in your brain for a while, literally anything

(thank u for sending this in! autism blast.)

u all know i am so fuckign ill about the eroticism of the machine.

i think it's very important to me for y'all to know that vance's internal systems look like the inside of a server tower.

like he has these long, thick red cables that are braided together in a v clean and orderly fashion, which are held in place by black clamps; different sockets and plugs that line his steel spine and link up to the cyberdeck itself; little white lights blinking intermittently, almost sleepy in their rhythms; black wires running around his body and his pulmonary implants, connecting everything to everything else.

a majority of his wires are linked up to his cyberdeck + his cooling system (ie his pulmonary implants and his realskinn vents). once he starts to overclock his deck—something he only does out of desperation—his mechanical lungs kick in and force him to cool down. it'd be a very strange sensation, i think, having your natural breathing pattern forced into another, different march, simply because the machine part of you had it do so.

i say it often but he's full of genetically modified blood, or something blood adjacent.

(arasaka kept it as close as possible to the real thing so as not to trigger any cyberpsychotic self-dehumanization in vance—a line they were already a few moments away from crossing at any given time).

his implants are all encased in sac-like filaments. if you opened him up and got the blood out of the way, it'd look as though his "organs" are vacuum packed in this thin white sheet. it's not that the machine parts would get damaged if they were to be soaked in blood; in fact, the filaments are more like filters. they breathe when he breathes.

the blood is more than just for his mental health (and mine admittedly)! it keeps his organs at a certain temperature at all times, so he runs very warm on the daily.

to return to vances plugs for a second—vik is the only ripper he will ever trust with his organs. so vik has to be extremely careful not to unplug the wrong thing. it's trial and fucking error though when vance has unique implants that aren't on public record or EVEN ON THE BLACK MARKET.

vance is the only one besides 'saka who'd ever know what part is what. he's had to plug things back in and switch them around as needed himself during some of his field ops outside of nc/the nusa, away from his arasaka ripper.

he can feel every plug and unplug, too, by the way. just the same as someone were to touch his braided, red wires; run their fingers up and down the filaments encasing his mechanical organs; wiggle a plug back and forth trying to pry it out, or perhaps trying to put it back in its place.

i think you could do some real damage to vance if you got the surgical tools to crack him open. i think he'd feel every single bit of it. every wire cut and plug taken out and little by little, losing more and more of himself...

...but the machine's a little too beautiful for senseless torture.

[iid-smile]

#07 ୨ৎ ⸝⸝ 🦢 anon ⋆

you might just be cute... no, you are cute 🫶 i got so excited when i saw an emoji anon for the first time omg!!! took me a decade to find the swan for some reason. anyways everything is as you asked 😌 1 and 10 drabbles and 11 is headcanons!!

#1 🍰 | first kiss

dazai's been watching you the entire day. he was there when you woke up, he was there when you were doing your daily routine, brushing your teeth and the works, but even when you run errands? that's rare.

"i want to kiss you." he whispers, and he knows that you won't hear him, the smirk on his face only growing. you were much too focused, mind shifting from one thing to the next, and you failed to notice dazai creeping closer and closer to you. you failed to realise that the hands coming to your hips behind you were up to something, and you never figured out what.

in that tiny interval of time, in that short, brief moment of weakness as you turned your head away, he turned it right back, fingers holding your chin still as his lips lay upon yours. your eyes widen, staring at his closed ones as you try to process whatever the hell was going on. you weren't even quick enough to kiss back, pulling away and looking down at you from behind.

didnhe expect you to be happy? maybe not. was it worth that adorable pout on your face? absolutely. "why? did you have what the kiss would be like planned in your head?"

you nod.

"was this not it?"

you nod again.

"sorry, rue..." he fakes a frown, his eyebrows furrowing in a way that was nearly believable, but you read him too well.

"you're not sorry at all." you may be annoyed, but your love for him overpowers it, wrapping your pinky around his.

"i'm not."

#10 🍓 | cuddling in the morning

you've been tired all week, working tirelessly while listening to others rant to you. it's want your used to, it's what you always do and you love to help those you love feel better, but when was the last time you've had a vent of your own?

a squeeze on your shoulder rouses you from your sleep, and your eyes start to open, only being able to see the blankets you've buried into since last night. "osamu, you're holding me too tight..." your voice comes out raspy and low, but you're too fatigued to care.

"i know..." dazai squeezes again, his fingers running down to your elbow. "but you're so stiff even though you're in bed. i thought you were having a bad dream." you can tell he's being serious, and he sounds like he's been awake for a good while.

"stress? i don't know." you shuffle a bit, the mattress dipping along with your limbs. "haven't got enough rest lately."

judging by how quiet he grew, he was definitely thinking over the conversation. "you were tossing and turning all night."

"you felt that?"

"heard it too. it kept me awake."

"oh..." a frown appears for a moment on your face, a pang of guilt surrounding your mind.

"it's okay, really." with no struggle, he locates your hand and holds it tight, while moving close enough so that he could spoon you. "now i know that you need someone like your dear beloved here to talk you through it, hm?"

#11 🍓| long distance relationship

most people think dazai wouldn't be loyal, but when it comes to genuine love and interest, he very much is

very frequently writes letters. he's got nice handwriting and we all know it, but he purposely makes some sentences hard to read because he does get a little embarrassed with how truthful he can get

he loves it when you rant to him about anything, because he knows you don't have many people to do that with. always has the best and perfect advice for you too. he's serious about your feelings and thoughts and even encourages you to spill out what you're hiding from him

sometimes leaves work for weeks at a time, only to return and said he's "visited the depths of his heart and found his true love once again"... whatever that means

has the most dramatic hug when he first sees you too. it's tight, you're off your feet, and he's spinning you around (he makes sure to be careful)

would he leave his job to be closer to you? it depends. if you get sick or just ask him to, he will. in his case, it would be him getting injured to the point where he can't manoeuvre well enough to continue

as long as you two are happy with this arrangement you already have going, he doesn't mind waiting until he's past his prime, detective wise

event masterlist

[pettyrevenge-base]

No you can't have new years eve off.

So I started a new job this year and up until recently I've genuinely been enjoying it. There's some colleagues I've bonded with really well with and I'm actually really good at what I do. I work in primary care for the NHS (UK) and patients are always telling me how helpful and how kind I am. Since I joined in January, 6 patients have bought me chocolates/flowers by way of a thank you for fixing certain problems for them. For the first time in a really long time I feel like I've found some sort of calling. As lame as that sounds. But recently my days have become increasingly difficult.

4 months into my employment my colleague (let's call her Trish) who trained me up had to take some time out for a health issue so I spent 3 months basically doing the job without her, and at times it was incredibly stressful being the only person able to perform the job. Admittedly there was maybe one or two days it was too much and I had to run off for a small cry before getting back out there. However, eventually ended up taking it in my stride and thus gained praise and respect from colleagues and patients alike. But when it was said Trish was coming back I was relieved because I thought it would give me a bit more breathing room. I was wrong.

Now I'll preface all of this by saying that Trish isn't particularly well liked. She's known for being blunt to the point of cruelty both to patients and coworkers, she's snappy, and rude to pretty much everyone. There's negative comments regarding her on Google fir crying out loud. She's had umpteen complaints against her but they keep her around as she's worked there for around 20+ years. When she went on leave, granted I didn't know her that well, but we got on well and in spite of everyone bad mouthing her behind her back or making snarky comments when she went into a different room, I stood up for her. No one was particularly overjoyed she was coning back from leave other than me.

For the first few days she was back she went straight back to trying to "train" me in spite of the fact I'd been doing everything solo since her absence. Which rubbed me up the wrong way a little but I ignored it. The last time I saw her I was still regularly asking questions. So that's fair enough. But even though she could see I was quite capable and competent she kept talking to me like a moron so I had to be quite blunt with her and tell her I'd been doing the job by myself perfectly well with 0 help from her or anyone so I didn't need to be "refreshed" with training.

Since then (July) the relationship has soured somewhat. We're civil when it comes to work stuff but outside of that we don't really talk. Until a couple of weeks ago. I had a particularly difficult patient call up 3 days in a row and I just needed to vent. In my head it came under the headline of "work related" so I vented to Trish about the patient, she agreed the patient was difficult and I did the correct thing for them etc. I thanked her for letting me blow off some steam about it and went to do something else. I forgot something though so went back and caught Trish bitching about me to 2 other colleagues, calling me soft, a whingy cow, i just need to grow up and get on with it etc.. She was like a deer in headlights. Nothing was said between us but the whole next day she may as well have been kissing my arse.

Now my supervisor messaged me the other day re an extra holiday day around Christmas, Trish is on annual leave currently so the supervisor hadn't yet asked which extra day she wanted. From previous conversations with Trish I know she wanted to take the last few days of the year off so she could go over to Europe to spend NYE with her adult child. After the way she's treated me the last 2 months I felt like being incredibly petty so I asked for the day I knew she wanted and asked to use a couple of my annual leave days as I have "family commitments" meaning I had 3 days off, total, following the weekend (this was also going to be Trish's plan). My supervisor gave them to me. So that now means Trish won't be able to take the days off as there won't be any cover. I also know she's already booked her hotel and flights and she was just waiting for the supervisors to bring up the extra holidays.

So fuck you Trish.

TLDR; Caught a colleague slagging me off so knowingly booked annual leave for dates I knew colleague wanted. Colleague had booked hotel and flights to visit family for NYE. So now she won't be able to go as there won't be cover due to me having booked the time off.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge