#2/3 iantara stpries have this conflict holding him back | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

like-butterflies-and-glitter · 1 year ago

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i crave to be loved so badly but i am so scared of it, maybe even find myself undeserving or not capable of receiving it,

i wrote a self insert character who gets into a relationship with a character who loves so entirely with such devotion and yet find myself unable to write a story where that character does love my s/i enough, the way he has loved other characters in the past. what the hell is that about?

#vidhik.txt #2/3 iantara stpries have this conflict holding him back #the third one that i have not been able to finish doesn't really have conflict like that because it is just pure cuteness #and exactly i am unable to write it because how #am i analysing this too much maybe but i am also coming to this #after looking at my dating history the past year or so #i really liked a girl and asked her out got rejected but atayed very good friends and i love our friendship #but anyone who actually shows interest in me i start isolating and distancing myself from before they can reject me #and some of them made an effort but i almost keep looking for an excuse #because i dont know what happens when they see me naked what if they find my body hideous most days i have trouble with that myself #what if emotionally i am just not good enough to be loved well because i know i am a dysregulated mess and i try to work on it #but when i lose at it it is so so bad #i am aware i am not an easy person to love so i keep myself comfimed to people i almost know just will not try to learn me enough #thus not learning the veru bad parts and not leaving #i am so svared of rejection that i keep not letting people love me despite how much i want it #needed to vent because this has kept me up a bit too long

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