#need to process. more. again.
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gonna inflict my mommy issues on my classmates next monday lol
#journal#need to process. more. again.#my dad told her I said i’m not playing this game and she said “what game?#that’s just been#echoing in my head all day#I keep telling myself to stop having hope#to just completely give up on her because it’ll save me so much heartache#but I just want to believe that the mom I’ve always needed is in her somewhere#I guess I did that to survive#because if I didn’t have faith in either of my parents idk what I would’ve done#but christ I remember the exact moment I realized that she isn’t who I thought she was. and that I wasn’t her priority#it was so utterly lonely because I just realized. she’s not on my side.#idk man#it hurt#it still hurts#and I don’t think i’ll ever stop being mad that she failed me so completely#ugh#now i’m just processing this all again and i’m ngl im really fucking sick of it#but i’m not giving her another chance#this should be it#it should be over#I just keep thinking about how i’ll likely never see my dog again#that’s what keeps hurting. that because i’ve cut out my mom i’ve also cut out so many things attached to her#the other day I just imagined existing amicably with her. and her saying my name in a way that doesn’t sound forced#her seeing me as me#her listening#and I just got so deeply sad mourning this idea that has never existed#it feels dumb#like why do I miss this thing I never had
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look at this idiot not aware that his body is warm and his touch comforting everyone point and laugh
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#admin draws#fanart#i got sick of looking for a ref so i doodled this real quick yesterday#ive been in a 'need hug' mood especially after the exam and sleeplessness preceding it#and thinking stuff#so what better way to process all of this than you guessed it. shoving it onto dirk#short tags this time cos im doing something else but i have lots of things i want to make.... its a shame im not feeling it again#if someone wants to give me excuses to talk about them the ask box is open for more than just rqs
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Neige, this isn’t very “friends” of you.
Vil watching this entire interaction: what have I done to deserve this. genuinely.
Part 7! | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
Part 8!
#oh if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions#- neige probably#Arlo needs like 5 more seconds to process this#and then he’ll never be seen in public again lmao#twisted wonderland#disney twst#twst fanart#twst oc#twst original character#arlo wake oc#neige leblanche#twst neige
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Animation commission I guess...
Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)
Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day
#I just...#I have what to do#Plenty of what to do#But it doesn't stress me enough to make my brain work#Such kind of commissions give me both a boost of work and enjoyment because of the process#So... yeah ah my brain is very much lacking it right now#And I think it will be interesting to finally do something complicated again but more properly#from the very beginning#I need an experience while I have time to pay attention to it#commission#I'm still not very confident to take money for these kind of works so I need to understand what pricing is okay for what I'm able to do wit#animation...#*opens the door*#*leaves the stage*#hahhh my dear life why did you give me such a lazy brain...
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we both deserve to be happy
in case anyone is wondering, it gets easier. it gets so so much easier and i hope you find the love you're looking for
#this is like deeply personal and intimate but im posting it for the people who might need to hear this#there isn't really a more profound way i could say it. just that love is everywhere and it will be there for you if you look for it#it's true that things won't ever be the same and that's a good thing. never go back#ive been wanting to make more art about my grief and post it on tumblr for people but like. tbh. ive kind of processed a lot of it now#its kind of hard for me to tap into those old emotions again but hopefully this is still helpful for some people#my art#grief#love#idk#i just wanted to post this to reassure people who are scared to make the next step. i am so happy right now and i hope you will be too
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Wanderer
#My baby looks tired#so many angsty headcanons surrounding this piece#Lavellan looking for Solas in the fade?#she keeps waking up from nightmares with phantom pain in her missing arm???#i think that my Inky spend some time travelling through Thedas after trespasser. Keeping her eyes out for more information on Solas.#who is she beyond the Herald?#She needs time to process saving the world yet again#insert meme of Ben affleck smoking#She harbors a lot of resentment for Solas so I’m curious how their romance ( or revenge lol ) will develop in DA4#my fanart#dragon age inquisition#solavellan#my art#dragon age#dai#da4#dragon age fanart#inquisitor lavellan#dragon age OC#oC art#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age trespasser#trespasser#solavellan headcanons#digital drawing#solas x female lavellan#art#daze chroma#dazechroma
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anyways . silly thing
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#animatic#i want it done.get out of here u stupid dog#ITS CHEESY.IM SORRY ! IMSORRY <embarrassed .truly#but i think. a gf revival would not be complete w/o me trying my hand at a shitty animatic. this 1 is for me dwg#as annoying as the whole process was it was kind of fun ngl. . like ive never been good at keeping a consistent style or chara model#and this was rly good practice for that .. i think looking at it now its like. no its crazxy its insane bc i dont ever want to do it again#at least in the immediate future but watching it back im like ok well.icouldve at least done that better. or tried to loosen up my vp and#made it feel less flat . <thats the devil talking & trying to get u back in on it.thats what i mean liike its fun but its evil and tiring#also im so creatively burnt out ik i couldve done so many fun ciphord gore things but i ug a 'shrug' pff 'shrug' i ?. yk#if only i didnt have the disposition to want to finish everything in one sitting. i think thats why i like static illustration#more bc u get more like. topical variety in a shorter amt of time u feel. anyways i remember hearing this song 4 the first time and in#my need to apply everything ever to my hyperfix i was like omg crop circles soo stanford lol. omg a deal he made when he was young.. & no#it doesnt feel so great does it .. (ciphordd)..then the eyes & fate i was alr convinced but when it got 2 the stanley part ab the taking hi#fathers brothers name i was like ok well fuck filbrick 1 . but rewritten for canon events anyways HELLO???????? AND U WILL DIE THE SAMEE?#much cooler version is still stuck in my head but i hope that u can get the same rudimentary vision i have
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curly at da park
he's having a nice day
#Captain curly#Mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#curly mouthwashing#Mouthwashing au#Not an au but just like. He survived and was found#And is working on being able to live again#He's still not at peak health but the outdoors is good for healing or something#Big hat because sun is bad for scars#I know the wheelchair isn't accurate but I didn't want to draw more circles so we'll just say he's being pushed around and doesn't need the#Manual pushing things#Anyway. He's recovering. A long process but eventually he'll be okay
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So I l’ve been getting into your ko crisis story lately (it all sounds rlly awesome btw) and i was curious - you’ve said in the tags in a previous ask that ash is comphet, so is that gonna play a major role in her character arc/journey in any way?
Yeah, the story basically covers her journey of redefining her identity as a queer Asian-American disabled woman in a sports-entertainment industry, which is a media landscape that specifically targets, exploits, and fetishizes people like her.
#ask me#itsthequeercryptid#i don't have much more to say on this cuz as of right now it's in like. early early development process and i'm not a queer woman so#i don't have much authority to say how i want this part of the story to go. even if it's my story i don't wanna set anything in stone yknow#but like. ashley's arc is realizing that she's been performing to appease people both in and out of her life. as both a daughter and a#pro boxer. and that she shouldn't have to force herself to be someone she's not. which in the story continuously hurts her#she doesn't need to validate her existence and find worthiness as a disabled and queer woman#especially to other people#one story beat i drafted is that ashley nearly gets s/a'd by a potential agent (keep in mind the project's inspired by psychological dramas#thrillers like utena and perfect blue) and it's one of the first big moments that causes her to have a crisis of identity#growing less and less comfortable in her skin - both organic and nonorganic - as she realizes how her body is perceived/ exploited/#/objectified as a vehicle for inflicting and absorbing violence. both physical and sexual. especially by men#and near the end of the story the beat is reflected/flipped when she comes together with noora and it's gentle and intimate#but again this is all very iffy. i'm not sure how appropriate this would be as a male writer.#i'm waiting to work with other writers who are more knowledgable on this before moving forward with anything
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OFF with a Bunch of Very Bad Batters
#off#off game#off the batter#bad batter#my art#fanart#It's been awhile since I played with good ol Badder again hehe#I feel like whenever I need to get out more grotesque anatomy idea Badder seems to be the first that comes to mind#Overall I think it's the process of taking my Batter's semi-human anatomy and just wrapping in certain ways that makes it really fun!!
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like yes yes eddie needs to choose and buck needs to be chosen but also
Eddie needs to get over the very big trauma of losing his wife. Last time he dated someone he had literal panic attacks at the thought of her being mistaken for Chris’s mother and as much as we saw him work through in therapy we never?? really?? talked?? about?? that?? So, yeah, Eddie needs to realize that he’s at a point where he’s ready to risk his heart and give love a second chance
(and maybe realize he already did becase there already is a partner in his life who gets consistently confused for Chris’s guardian and it feels natural to him?? but he still needs to realize he’s ready for love)
And Buck needs to be ready to be in a relationship where he’s loved for who he is, where he doesn’t bend and twist to fit someone else’s expectations. And for that Buck needed to die, and needed to come back, and now he needs to process that trauma and steady himself.
(and Buck loves so quickly, so openly, so loudly, and he gives so much of himself and he wants to be loved that way, and maybe he’ll realize that he already?? is?? loved?? but he needs to let himself accept it)
so basically, it’s not only a matter of choice... eddie needs to be ready to love and buck needs to accept that he is loved if they are ever going to find each other properly together
and that, my funny little friends, is the point of their arcs were we are at right now
#buddie#911 fox#evan buck buckley#eddie diaz#i'm not going to lose hope over this because i remember a million shows where this had been the path#how many relationships this castle and becket have before they finally were at the point where they could be together??#hey remember when chenford were in two fairly stable long term relationships because they needed to open up to love again#AND they needed to be in the /wrong/ relationships to finally realize WHAT they wanted???#eddie deciding he's ready to date/love again is a NECESSARY step for buddie and what they needed right ow#just like buck processing his trauma and maybe having a potential relationship in which he gets to say 'no this isn't right for me i deserve#more' is what he needs to realize he HAS that love#anyway the couch isn't a theory it's a laimotif and its a proper literal metaphor in the show#and we know where that's been popping up lately#so like unless they suck at their job i can't see this being the end#CHILL#911 spoilers#ish
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I’m finally coming down from the high of bbh’s stream and it’s got me thinking about fatherhood and cycles.
Bbh’s Father (god) disowned him and cast him from home for some unknown sin. His love was conditional on obedience and submission with the cruelest of punishments for those who didn’t fit the mold.
For thousands of years bbh has been alone in his yearning for Home. He embraces himself, the qualities that his Father shunned, because what else can he do? He tried to please his Father and it wasn’t enough, it was never enough. I can’t help but wonder if embracing the qualities his Father hated was both a form of self actualization and self harm - pushing himself further and further from home just by choosing himself.
Then from nowhere the most unexpected thing occurred. Bbh himself became a father. A small little egg with a top hat rolled into his life and everything changed. He gave that little egg everything, anything they could ask. He didn’t always understand Dapper’s quirks, her need to capture every animal they stumbled across, her vast knowledge of machines and industry, but bbh always supported him and gave him anything he needed to explore his hobbies.
Bbh’s love for Dapper - and the rest of the kids - is unconditional. There is nothing the kids could do that would ever cause bbh to turn his back on them. Do you ever think he lays awake at night wondering how his Father could have cast him aside? Do you ever think he considered the lengths he’d go to for his children and wondered why his own Father never did the same? Do you think he wondered if his Father would scold him for the free rein he gave Dapper? Do you think in the first days he had Dapper that he vowed while watching his baby sleep that things would be different? That he wouldn’t be like his Father? Or do you think the realization came slower over time? He would never put them thought what his Father put him through - bbh would never abandon them like He did. He loved his kids so much it literally killed him.
Then, after all of this, after bbh had built a life for himself, found a family for himself, his Father opens the doors for him to come home. The cruelest thing He could possibly do. “My happiness… you’ve cut it in half” cried out in a broken voice. Again, bbh’s Father showed him how He loves: through control. You can come home but only on my terms. Only if you cut out a part of yourself - the part of yourself that gives you purpose. The part of yourself that ties you to something other than me. And thus bbh is faced with the choice: continue the cycle of abandonment or break it and return to his kids to be the father he never had.
He chooses his kids.
He will never be his Father.
He will always choose his kids.
#qsmp#badboyhalo#crimson speaks#bbh got me emotional in the club#he had no right pulling the dapper run to the entrance#but that’s for another essay#I need more time to process that or I’ll just start crying again
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I’m going to form my thoughts into a more comprehensive post in the future, but right now I need to get everything out of my head and onto something or else I’m going to explode.
SO…there is a whole group of flyfin inside one of the whales. Possibly there is a group of flyfin inside every whale. Judging by their appearance, they have been in there for a while, and that brings along the questions of how long exactly have they been in there (especially since there’s a fucking CHILD in there) and also, HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THEY SURVIVE IN THERE?!
Have they been surviving off what is in the actual whales? From the whales’s energy from the surface? Why would they even go in there in the first place? Were they eaten? Was this some desparate attempt to get to the surface? Why would the Flyfin siblings never tell the sluggi about this? I mean after their reaction to one of the whales waking up, asides from Galoo, I don’t have any real trust in them either. Even then, I think they would make an exception if they know there was PEOPLE inside the whales. They can’t be trying to wake up the whales just to get them out because from Mono opening the whale’s mouth, it would just take a bit of muscule for that. There must be some purpose to this if they never seemingly went to the sluggi to help them.
I feel like this has something to do with the whales’s mysterious illness from when Shoal was at the sanctuary. It has to right? I mean, knowing there were people inside the whales, that sounds like a cause for some mystery illness. Have they been in there for four years then or longer?
#I swear I will make a proper theory post about this later#I just need more time to process this#because again#WHAT THE FUCK?#castle swimmer
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Regular reminder that sudden and severe weight loss is a pretty serious sign that something is very, very wrong
#weight#weight loss#brought to you by the realisation today that my hips are currently smaller than my fucking waist usually is#it’s summer and i’ve been walking the hill a lil more but damn that’s not fucking good#and before anyone even THINKS ‘i wish i had this problem’ i guarantee you do not#cuz it comes from 2 hour bathroom trips that are screamingly painful#and the arbitrary inability to eat literally anything#which often crops up right before i sit down to eat something#and i mean i can wait it out and eat late but it’s really goddamn annoying#and none of my goddamn clothes fit AGAIN i’m way out of even my smallest stuff#my broke ass is not buying new shit and if i make any cosplay to fit me now it’ll be way too small when i’m back in remission 😤#gotta get the goddamn meal replacement shakes again and see if i can process those#they are GROSS#gym bros are lying to you#they all suck#and i need to do em along with regular meals cuz i’m not gonna get enough from either#luckily i also have chronically low blood pressure so frenchfries are medicinal on both levels#this may also explain my resting heartrate being around 120bpm in my opinion#but no one’s ever really discussed it
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who do you think fucked up worse…gehrman or maria?
This is an interesting question, and I kind of didn't think of it before! Time to take a closer look at their crimes I guess. Some of these will be held on the possibilities and 'safe assumptions' though and addressed for the full picture!
1) Both were involved in Fishing Hamlet massacre!
With Maria, we can conclude as much because she discarded her weapons in the well at the place specifically. Her version in the Nightmare realm, a Hunter again, is supposed to be what punishes her, and she is focused on keeping Kos/OoK away from rummaging through. Considering the nature of the Nightmare, as well as the Doll who has spiritual connection with her, it should come from her guilt and regrets rather than.. I dunno, discarding the hunt over natural 'character development' and just picking a cool place to forsaken her past!
Gehrman sleeps better according to the dialogue Doll has after you kill OoK and free it's soul, so if it tortured him so, I think it is safe to say he had to be personally involved too rather than stay back while his students did the job:
They both were involved with Byrgenwerth, following their quest for obtaining the eyes of the dwellers from their skulls, and I suppose cord of OoK?
The thing about this point is that the description is written as though it was Gehrman's curiosity which ruined Maria's "idealisation" of him, or WOULD ruin it had she learned of it! This makes me wonder whether she was really involved in Byrgenwerth all that much, or whether she was aware of the real purpose of Fishing Hamlet massacre beforehand? Her goal, within the Nightmare, is stated to mercy-kill us so we don't allow that curiousity corrupt us to the point of "rummaging through corpse" and similar things, further supported by her visceral attack being an embrace if it is lethal!
I am just saying that here the balance might slightly shift towards making Gehrman 'worse' than her. Maybe she was not aware that it all was not just killing "monsters" but also a pregnant mother with her divine baby, but "well you didn't ask :/". Maybe Gehrman deceived her to use her aid. Maybe he didn't think it would be a big deal for her seeing that Maria was also interested in evolution through talking with Great Ones, and assumed she'd be just as callous about which means to accomplish the goals with?
2) Both were grave-robbing, or at least okay with that!
This one is a little less obvious, but Tomb Prospectors were not the first to go to the Chalice Dungeons! ...It were actually Willem, Dores and Gatekeeper lol:
BUT ALSO it were Old Hunters! We can see the remnants of it by Old Hunter Vitus being one the summons in Chalice Dungeons, hear Gehrman encourage us to go into the Chalice Dungeons to become stronger as via "tradition" of the Old Hunters,
and the fact that one of the things that torture Maria (again, remember that Nightmare Realm is Hell that punishes) is a Chalice:
(A video ( x ) for a better look at the Chalice from a figure)
I'd say that it is not very nice to disturb the undead Pthumerians just struggling in remains of their civilisation! Interesting thing: we can conclude they are even staying there to protect the Great Ones or their remains!
There has been some sort of civil war between ancient great-ones-respecting Pthumerians and who late became Cainhurst nobles! Maria, ironically, fell onto the side of "entitled guys" descendants! But yes, I could see why bullying zombie guys to get more history and archeology relics from them might not seem like much for her at start. Experience in the Fishing Hamlet likely retroactively ruined this period of her life for her: delving into Chalice Dungeons was likewise 'not leaving the corpse alone'. The remaining Pthumerians were right having some honour and dignity. So, that came to haunt her in the form of Pthumeru Chalice. Gehrman is.. well he's here too I guess dfshfdhs
3) Both knew a little too much about Laurence's shady business and did nothing?
Old Hunters used to be friends with Healing Church's Hunters and even had their workshops located close to one another! Gehrman was friends with Laurence and Ludwig, who are both quite strongly involved with Moon Presence (Ludwig's sword and guidance, Laurence's affiliation being known since Byrgenwerth times), as well as the key figure in creation of Hunter's Dream:
This was most likely a bait-and-switch, seeing how the cord itself is still in the real Workshop, and not in the grasp of Moon Presence (unlike, say, Wet Nurse taking Mergo's cord)! I think the purpose of creation of the Hunter's Dream was to "buy time" for the research conceived by the scientists! Remember: Gehrman was known to have "madness of curiosity" that Maria resented, or at least would resent had she known! He might have been fully aware of what Laurence wanted to do and support it! My point here, that with such proximity, he must have known of all Laurence's crimes and agreed with them!
Maria was at least overseer of the Clocktower's Research Hall, which, again, was just beta!Choir.
This last line IS a bit confusing, because it makes it sound as though the nerds looking for the Eyes Inside and the Blood Ministers got split. Laurence and Ludwig make it weird, as Moon Presence is also an Eldrich creature and Ludwig is for sure full of eyes! What also makes it strange is that Choir, and then School of Mensis, are both upper echelons of the Healing Church, but Laurence is supposed to be above both of them.
I think this can be worked with! Let's say what if Choir formed after Laurence's death, which also happened after Maria's death, and Vicars after him were somewhat "powerless" and walked over by Choir and Mensis, only leaders in the name! But that still leaves the bit that the mentioned "division" happened after Choir was formed! Maria and Adeline, however, are locked to the existence of the Research Hall, so, the timeframe when doctors and blood ministers were 100% working together! We find the Eye Pendant that opens the access to the Research Hall in Laurence's hand, and human Skull of Laurence on the platform that hides the secret elevator to that Research Hall. Again, by the Nightmare Logic, they must be connected with Laurence's sins: he started this research, or sponsored it, or was overseeing it, and so on.
This point is not an absolute thing though, because one or both of them might be freed from guilt here. Maybe Gehrman was not as informed and agreeable as we could assume and Laurence did lead him around? Maybe Maria wanted but could not do anything being caught in the web of complicated connections, blackmail and risks for the people she cared about?
4) Both are willingly involved in questionable practices (Maria with research, Gehrman with the cycle of Dream and Hunt)
This point I feel like transcends the morality a little bit, as it touches the matter of 'it is bad if you do it, but it is also bad if you DON'T do it'. I really love Soulsborne universes for having guts to say "you can't win, just pick your poison", but I think it is still worth addressing!
It is up to interpretation in which quantity Maria is involved with the Research Hall! Nothing states whether she founded it, joined in the research later, stepped in and turned the tides (ba dum tss) of the research, or simply was a caretaker/nurse/etc of the broken mess while Research Hall was getting ready for a bit of rebranding. She can be very guilty, or she can be barely guilty but in either case if that was her "redemption arc" that was a pretty bad way to go about it. ...or was it?
Fauxsefka turns people into Celestial Emissaries so they physically can't become beasts instead, and is even stated to be a hero / heroic researcher by Miyazaki:
First, I don't do Death of the Author (in terms of interpreting media I mean, not in terms of a style of writing)! Like, nope. Never. It is just not for me. Creator's word is the final for me; Fauxsefka is the good guy in the story, apparently, and it makes sense considering the fundamentally broken place characters are in! Maria has similarities with Fauxsefka: not only both of them have Cainhurst roots, but also both of them seem to favour 'Stars' line of evolution for humans!
Whereas other patients are afraid of the horrors of the Deep Sea, a concept Miyazaki could not get over well into DS3, Adeline desires them! Other patients seems to have gotten it right, and you can see one of them also clings to Maria mentally to "not drown"; Adeline "didn't understand"! The balcony that Maria wants Adeline to go to so she can forsaken the Deep Sea and seek something "happier" holds unique kind of patients who can shoot cosmic arcane spells:
Herself, Maria is associated with these lumenflowers: their petals are all over her boss arena, and the way to her lays through a much bigger batch of flowers, where Living Failures, other 'Stars' Kin are, whose song lyrics also feature lines 'ave stellar' and 'ave Maria'!
So, how this is different from what Fauxsefka is doing, who is stated to be as much of a good person as possible within this context and with the burden of her knowledge? Fauxsefka was doing more or less rinse-and-repeat practice, with maybe a few patients not surviving the procedure but we don't know what happened: maybe that person was already at the brink of death and she tried to make them live like this.
^ This guy I mean. Maria, on the other hand, is in the time period where the doctors and scientists were only testing the waters (BA DUM TSSS) (ok I will stop) and it was not SO certain what was at the stake, what were the alternatives, what was awaiting the humanity. It is even possible that the beasts problem was not yet bad to the point of "you'll either become a beast, be eaten by a beast or become a Kin, humanity is DONE for!" ! This was an unethical research at the cost of real people! The weight of Maria's sin here really depends on the interpretation, though
As for the cycle of Dream and Hunt, this is complicated and lingers on one's interpretation of what the purpose of the Dream even IS! Its existence provides two things: 1) a hunter who is immortal for the night, thus can sustain the beasts with efficiency like no other, but also effect the continuity of the night ( x ) and 2) supposed sustenance to the Great One Flora of the Moon, who holds the hunt as a concept!
I used to be a bit more set on the idea that if beasts are not sustained and hunted, they will simply overpower those who are yet humans and eat them! It is a self-feeding cycle of people needing to self-defend from beasts, thus having to consume the blood as urgent means of healing and power-up since beasts are too strong, thus risking to become beasts themselves because the blood they consumed during that hunt corrupts them. So, the Hunter's Dream would be a good thing, as it'd help to 'buy time' during nights of the hunt in which not only beasts are more active but Great Ones too! While the Dreaming Hunter holds everything together, the greatest minds of the Healing Church can efficiently study the ways to end beasthood, or ANY problem of humanity, once and for all! It is just better to throw the hunting resources on the Dream, so the scientists don't worry about the beasts and can focus on research. However, I almost forgot that:
This implies that had there not been Mensis Ritual ongoing, people WOULD have the chance to simply 'wait away' the beasthood problem. That, since Rom is not stopping Mensis Ritual but just conceals it, what really makes the inner beast within everyone who consumed the blood inevitably come out is Mergo's cry that draws the Bloodmoon close!
So yeah, the point about Hunter's Dream being helpful for the research of evolution still stands, especially under assumption that the deal with Moon Presence helped to bring more Eldrich Arcane close for "feeding" her. The point about how if the beasts are not hunted they'll simply eat everyone, though, is vague. It is safer to assume that the Hunter's Dream and Research Hall both are both example of hubris of man even if approached differently. Attempts to draw in something dangerous and horrifying, but it is "justified risk" because if you manage to 'tame' arcane/blood, sure, humanity will prosper!
Like... yeah, sure, there IS dangerous and undesireable nature of man that ruins everything and might or might not still linger in humanoids' genes after Loran. But did humanity ASK any of you guys to keep trying to fix it with so many victims and sacrifices? Like, was it WORTH it?
This point is closely tied to 'knowing Laurence's bad antics and doing nothing', yeah. Maria didn't seem to like blood ministration very much, as she disapproved of Adeline becoming a Blood Saint, but she also didn't even approve of blood antics of her own clan! I am not sure what would be her opinion on the Hunter's Dream had she lived to the point when it was created, just that she herself is not willing to ever hunt, so I am leaving this point aside. Is this just blood ministration that she opposes but proximity with a Great One Moon Presence would be something she can see the potential of? Or would she and Gehrman have a pointless cat fight about whose methods are better when they are both hubris of man? In both versions they are 'guilty'! Besides:
In the end none of THIS matters either and everyone was fooled ( x ). The blood offering is a blood offering in any way; whether it is through spilling blood violently during the hunt, or offering the blood's 'red' with how celestial Kin all bleed red. Moon doesn't care what paints it red, in the end.
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My conclusion is: both of these characters fucked up almost equally! I think the balance shifts just a little bit and Maria is slightly better than Gehrman since she had some limitations set on how far she was willing to go. Her motivation was not in "curiosity" but strictly in helping humanity, even if in unfair ways, which is apparently not the case for Gehrman?
I'll say this though, NOW I am hooked on the idea of Maria and Gehrman being petty "rivals" ideologically (for as long as they could before Maria's own demons caught up with her). Especially since neither approach is better than the other and they are both cringe loosers! Again, lost comedy gold over Fromsoft making Gehrman's tender and warm feelings for her before and after her death plain. What is not lost, however, is the fact that the two should just kick Laurence and go home :pensive:
#bloodborne#lady maria of the astral clocktower#gehrman the first hunter#again: blaming laurence is a solid strategy#honorable mention: even more of maria's blame might be lifted depending on how strong gehrman's influence was on her#we don't know when he started training her. maybe it was since very young age? so a lot of her actions as a hunter were unwise#again it depends because as of now she is a grown thinking woman and could have processed it BEFORE pregnant mother got killed-#-and her child stolen!#so I am on 'maria's agency' side here!#I think it is more like gehrman FEELS as though he 'ruined' her with the hunt#like you know how sometimes when we feel guilty we become illusioned about how much impact we had on another person's actions and feelings#we need to be TOLD that it was that person's choices in the end because we might feel like we 'controlled' them#and of course his guilt would be amplified and impossible to reason with considering she took her own life!#(as far as we can assume)#ask replies#bloodborne observation#bloodborne headcanons#analysis
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Soltober '23, 17. Request
#guilty gear#sol badguy#soltober#soltober 2023#digital#my stuff#sketches#I need to do some studies of his in-game model again#While looking at the labcoat Sol model in Strive I realized how I draw his face has strayed a bit. Need to reel it in. Been a while anyway#Did this one without using a 3D model base because I drew over in my bed with my laptop unplugged and it goes into like a#processing energy saver mode when it's unplugged. The 3D model kept lagging too much lol#I think my art has more energy without the 3D model but god it takes so much longer to do
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