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strangelysamantha · 3 years ago

Text

bittersweet ☆

possessive!rafe x plus!sized reader.

warnings: crazy rafe, possessive and obsessive behavior, swearing, underage drinking, reader gets hurt, physical fight, ect.

words: 2,167.

summary: you went to a local party by the beach when rafes unstable side peeked out. jj maybank finds you alone, and decides to talk to you. rafe gets possessive and upset, thinking that jj was hitting on you.

request?: no :)

a/n: i’m working on requests but since my computer is down it’s taking longer because i hate typing on my phone especially because tumblr always deletes what i’ve written. i’m hopeful that my computer will be fixed by tomorrow, until then i’ll try and produce a few stories since i’ve been MIA for a few days. remember to like and comment if you enjoy this! <3

my masterlist

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“please just come with me.” rafe frowned as he sat on your porch pleading to you, telling you why you should go to a beach party with him. “why rafe?” you frown, not in a partying mood. instead, you would much rather stay home and do a movie marathon. “please baby, i swear i’ll make it up to you.” you roll your eyes at his begging. “fine, but only because you are so cute.” his eyes sparkle as a smile lifts on his lips, you pull him into a quick kiss.

you walk back inside to get dressed for the bonfire. rafe was wearing blue and orange, and you wanted to match him. so, you grabbed a pair of dark blue ripped jean shorts, and an orange v-neck. you apply some perfume and jewelry before putting on some shoes. just as you were finishing up, rafe walked into your room smirking. “awh, you wanted to match with me.” he smiled. despite you knowing his look was filled with adoration you couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable under his long glance. “obviously, don’t you want people to know i’m yours?” you question him, waiting for his response. “well, matching clothes won’t change anything. everyone already knows.” you nod smiling before pulling him into a kiss.

once you pull away from the kiss, he grabs your hand and leads you to the car as he drives to the beach. his hand finding its way on your thigh; gripping it tightly. while he drove to the beach, you paid close attention to your phone, checking social media for any major updates. rafes grasp on your thigh loosened as the car came to a halt. you were parked on the beach, the sun was already setting.

you both exit the car, rafe swiftly moving from his side of the car to yours. “thank you for coming with me.” his hand finds yours, pulling them together. “of course, i love hanging out with you.” he lets go of your hand, and moves his arm to hold closely around your waist. the two of you begin to walk towards the already drunken teen filled beach.

you frown at the amount of trash that litters the sand. you stay close to rafe, as he approaches topper and kelce. “hey guys.” you say to them to make conversation. they nod in your direction, acknowledging you before their attention turns towards rafe again. you don’t pay any mind to what the boys are discussing. after a while you become bored, so you slowly slip out of rafes arm to go get a drink. “i’m going to go get a drink, do you want one?” you ask rafe, and he glances at you smiling. “yes please, thanks baby.” you lean in for a quick kiss before leaving to go get drinks. you weren’t a heavy drinker, always scared of what you would say or do under the influence, so you grab yourself a water and grab a beer for rafe.

you return to the spot you were in earlier, but it’s now vacant. rafe, topper, and kelce all leaving you behind. you frown, looking around for them but coming up short. you had no idea where they could be since this beach was huge. you don’t bother wasting your time looking for them, instead you start to head for the bonfire.

you weren’t surprised that rafe had left you all alone. this always happened. he would beg you to go to something, just to abandon you half way through it. it didn’t bother you, it just worried you, scared of what he was doing without you.

once you arrived at the bonfire, you decided to down the drink once made for rafe, the beer stinging your throat. you drank three more chugs before drinking water as well. it doesn’t take long for the alcohol to come into effect. you knew it had clouded your judgement when you were laughing at jj maybanks jokes of all people. “i’m telling you, these people were fucking crazy.” you giggled as he made exaggerated reactions. “you’re telling me! that sounds scary as fuck. i wouldn’t have survived.” he shook his head looking down at you, “i’m sure you would have figured something out.” you nod at him.

“have you seen those dudes since?” you ask, intrigued by his story. “actually, yeah. their story isn’t the brightest… sheriff told me that they-” his voice cut off as he made a slicing noise above his throat. your eyes widened in shock. “oh my god! really??” you grab his arm, “what if they came back for you! bro no way…” your heart rate quickens at the thought of evil men chasing random kids. “no, i know right, scary as shit. i guess it’s bittersweet because they died, but now they aren’t after us anymore.” he shrugs, sipping his red solo cup. “i guess. it’s still scary. so many people are unexpectedly dying nowadays, i definitely-” you were interrupted as rafe put an arm around you, eyeing jj up and down.

“continue baby, what were you saying?” rafe asked, smiling at you for a split second before it disappeared when his eyes focused on jj again. “oh we were just talking about bad men, and how this town is scarier than it used to be.” he nods at you. “jj what are you doing talking to my girl?” jj stands up straighter, “why do you care? do you own her or something?” rafe scoffed, “yes.” the confusion on your face was evident and jj was quick on acknowledging it. “oh really? by the look on her face, she doesn’t agree.” he glances at you, but you have quickly recovered. “what are you talking about maybank?” you interrupted the two immediately not wanting a fight to break out. “i was just talking to jj because he had a funny story. it wasn’t anything like that, i swear babe.” you words slurred together and it was evident you weren’t in the right headspace.

rafes eyes widened as he fully realized that you were so intoxicated that you had no idea what was going on, “what the fuck maybank? you got her drunk for what? you trying to fuck her?” jj couldn’t believe rafes nerve. “one, she was drunk when she came up to me, and two, i don’t need to fuck her, i already have.” your heart dropped at jj's confession.

“maybank, do you want to take that back?” you could tell rafe was trying to give jj a chance to redeem himself before all hell breaks loose. your hand tightened on rafes bicep trying to get him to move on, but he wouldn’t budge. “can't take back what’s already happened.” jj shrugged again, smirking.

rafe was the first one to throw a punch, you stumbled back as he had pushed you away. with your luck, your head had landed right against the beverage table, scratching the side of your face from your temple to the side of your cheek. you hiss in pain, moving your fingers to feel it. when you retreat your hand you see it covered in blood. you groan in pain, hissing as the cool air makes it sting.

you clumsy stand up, looking ahead to see rafe and jj were still fighting. “rafe!” you weakly call out, but he was stuck in his own little bubble as he pounded his fists against jjs face. you stumble away, walking far from the beach. you were too tired to even try to process what was going on. the yelling behind you quietly faded as you made your way farther along the beach.

not even a minute later you hear rafe running after you. “what rafe?” you ask, but your back is still turned to him. “baby, please just- i’m sorry okay. i, i don’t know. i was just scared he’d take you from me. i don’t want to lose you, you are all i have. you mean too much to me for some pogue to take.” his rambling only pissed you off more. “rafe, please. i have a headache, all i want is to go home.” you frown.

his eyes moved from the sand up to your face, surprised by the huge gash on your face that was oozing blood. “baby?! who did this to you?” you couldn’t contain your anger any longer. you used all your strength, pushing his shoulders back. “you did! you fucking asshole.” the fact that he didn’t even budge from the push you sent his way, pissed you off even more. “baby, i, you know i would never do anything to intentionally hurt you?” your silence only scared him even more.

“baby, i wouldn’t- i didn’t mean to hurt you.” his breathing was heavy as the realization hit him. he had undeniably hurt you, and he had undoubtedly lost you. “no, because this can’t be happening. i can't lose you. baby, i- it was an accident. please, you gotta understand i didn’t want to hurt you, it was just jj fucking all over you, and the way he tried to claim you, saying he already had you, it just- the anger i couldn’t even hold myself back.” you nod at his words. “rafe i understand that. i, just. i don’t want this. do you think i want you to assault every guy who even looks at me? it makes me feel like shit. do you know how shitty it makes me feel? that you think i would chose anyone else when i have you. it hurts to know that you think i’m not loyal enough.” you frown, tears easily falling out of your eyes.

“baby- it’s not you i’m worried about.” you nod, “i know… it just doesn’t feel that way.” he goes to speak again but you quickly interrupt him. “can we please continue this at your house? my head seriously hurts.” his eyes soften, his hand cupping your cheek. he hesitated before he pulled you into a kiss, when you kissed him back he could feel his smile come back. “rafe.” you say again, before pointing to your head. “right baby, i’m sorry. let's go.” you nod.

he walks you to his car, opening the door for you before you hop in. he puts your seatbelt on for you. his protective side shining through once again. he walks around, before hopping in himself. he starts the car. “seatbelt…?.” you question. he laughs quietly. “of course, baby.” you nod as he puts his seatbelt on. his hand reached for your thigh again, before he drove the two of you to his house.

when you arrived, your head was pounding. you could feel it throbbing, the blood dripping onto your orange v neck. you frown at the sight. the two of you walk inside, and he immediately pulls you into his room, placing you on the edge of his bed. he runs to his bathroom grabbing a table cloth and the first aid kit.

he opens the first aid kit, placing it beside you. he takes the wet washcloth, wiping away the blood. after cleaning it, he added antibacterial cream, and then covered it in gauze. he kissed the bandage covering it before walking to his closet.

“here. wear this, and i’ll wash your t-shirt.” you nod, “thank you rafe.” he turns around and you swiftly change your t-shirt. he turns around, his heart hammering inside his chest, still scared about where you stood.

“rafe. i don’t want to lose you. i love you a lot, but i don’t want to continue this if every time a guy looks at me funny, you beat him up. i appreciate you protecting me, but they aren’t worth it.” he nods, soaking up every word. “if you can promise me that you won’t fight random people anymore, then i think we can work this out, and work through this.” he smiles softly, “is that a deal?” you ask. “of course baby. i promise i won’t fight anyone unless they really deserve it.” you roll your eyes, “fine. that’s good enough; but please, let’s hope it doesn’t get too bad.” he laughs, “let’s hope.” you grab his hands, realizing they were quite bruised. “let’s ice these.” he follows you to the kitchen, as you prepare an ice pack.

once the ice pack is ready, you place it on one hand, the other is intently grabbing your thigh. “baby you don’t have to do all this.” he reached for the ice and you lightly pushed his hand away. “you fixed me up, let me fix you up.” he sat back and watched as you cared for his bruises. rafe was glad he didn’t lose you, and he was glad you were still there with him. having you so close to him made him realize he couldn’t sacrifice anything to lose you. he kissed your bandages once more before you two prepared for bed and started to comfortably cuddle together.

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berrynarrybanana · 4 years ago

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pink lemonade

A/n: I...had a cliche moment of I wrote this and it got deleted bc my computer had a hissy fit while I was trying to find a good pic to use. All I want to say is that I spent weeks agonizing over this piece because I wasn’t sure that it was good enough and that it touched on bi!reader as much as it should. I started it out in Harry’s POV and it kind of just took off from there. This is very heavily based off a song from one of my favorite bands. It’s called pink lemonade by the wombats and it really gave me inspiration to write this whole fic and for my reader and flatmate!h. I hope that I did this justice, because as a bi woman, I know how little representation we get in media and in fics. So thank you to the beautiful @bopbopstyles and @harrysclementines for hosting a challenge that made me feel included. I really appreciate and love you both so much!

warnings: smut, drug use mention, angst, harry’s pov

word count: 4.3k+

Please enjoy and feel free to tell me what you think!

Friday Night

Harry remembers the day he met his flatmate.

She was a little shorter than him, but her personality definitely made her seem much taller. She had her hair up in a messy bun, her Rolling Stones shirt tucked in, and her jeans cuffed at the bottom. She introduced herself to him with a dazzling smile and a witty joke about being a stereotypical bisexual being. It made him laugh, pulling her into a hug (after asking her permission) because they were going to be flatmates and she needed to know he was a hugger. He didn’t want to start off on an awkward note with a person he would be spending so much time with. He suggested they order some pizza and drink wine on the floor of their living room on their first night.

Their furniture hadn’t been delivered or moved in yet, so they had to settle for putting a few of y/n’s pillows under their bums while they watched comedy specials on Harry’s laptop. A majority of their evening was spent giggling and sharing stories about their previous experiences with old girlfriends. He found it oddly comforting that the beautiful girl was a little bit different, because he had always felt that way in life. With her, he didn’t feel so alone in being different. Perhaps that was one of the things that made him fall in love with her. She was a bright, radiant soul that brought him more joy than anyone else ever had. But she could be a bit thick, sometimes.

As he watched her prance around their apartment in her tight mini-dress, he tried his best not to let her see his obvious attraction to her.

The pillow on his lap would seem obvious to just about anyone else, but not to his precious flatmate. She practically floated through life, oblivious to how people looked at her when she moved. She was like a walking porn ad, her beautiful hair and gorgeous smile nearly impossible to ignore. He tried not to focus too hard on what she was wearing, but christ, it was hard not to. Her legs looked a little longer due to the black heeled booties she’d put on and she was most definitely wearing tights with little sparkles in the fabric.

He hated seeing her dressed up like this, knowing that he wouldn’t be the one sliding his hands up her dress in the backseat of the taxi on the way home. He wouldn’t be the one gripping at her thighs while she straddled him on their shared couch. He wouldn’t be the one making her scream, unable to contain herself as he pulled orgasm after orgasm out of her. He hated that she was wearing the perfect shade of red on her lips, a shade that painted the walls of the prison cell in his own personal hell inside. He wanted to smear it off her lips with his own, kissing her until she was breathless and begging.

Instead, he flipped through the channels on the telly, pretending to pay attention.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out, Harry?” She stood in front of him, pouting her lips out as she tilted her head to the side. He shook his head as she crossed her arms, the gesture pushing her breasts up just a little. Fuck me, Harry thought. “You love going out!”

“I know, love.” He grumbled, glancing behind her as if she was in the way. “But I’m not really in the mood to party tonight and I don’t want to bring the mood down.”

“Well, I don’t feel right going out without you.” She sighed, dropping her arms to the side, causing Harry to look up at her. “Maybe I should stay home? We can order takeout and-”

“Absolutely not.” He shook his head. “You have a date. You can’t stand him up!”

“He’s just some rando from Tinder, I really don’t care about his feelings.,H.” She snorted out a laugh, rolling those perfect eyes as he tried to fight off a smile. “I’d rather be with you if you’re feeling down.”

“Don’t give up the chance for a good time because I’m a grumpy old man.” He shook his head. “I really want you to go out.”

“Okay, okay.” She let out a heavy exhale, stepping farther away. “How do I look?”

“Perfect.” He didn’t tear his eyes away from the telly, knowing he would overshare if he actually looked at her right now.

“You didn’t even look!” She laughed around a playful groan. “Boys.”

“I’m a man, love!” He called out as she walked into the kitchen for her keys. “If you’re too drunk, call me. Don’t go home with your random tinder date and-”

“Lock the door when I’m home.” She nodded. “I know the rules, dad.”

“Please do not ever call me that again.” Harry narrowed his eyes at her. “Go, get out of here and go have some fun. Tell everyone I said hi.”

“I will!” She smiled. “Bye, roomie!”

“Bye!” He waved, his heart sinking as the door shut behind her. “Guess I’ll be having a sad wank about that later.”

Harry grumbled, sinking further into the cushions of their shared couch.

******************************************

Saturday Morning

The guy from Friday seemed to be a keeper.

He was there the next morning when Harry was making a hangover breakfast in the kitchen for his flatmate. He strutted in without a shirt or a word, reaching for a coffee cup as if he owned the place. Last time Harry checked, only two people paid rent here. Harry watched from the stove, spatula in hand as he glared at the man’s back. What a sodding prick. With a quick roll of his eyes, Harry pushed around the potatoes he’d chopped up earlier. Of course she brought him home. It had been weeks since she’d had a proper shag and it was bound to happen sooner or later. And even if Harry hated to admit it, the man standing in his kitchen gave it to her proper. Harry closed his eyes, cringing at memory of her moans melded with the banging of her headboard against the wall last night.

He hadn’t heard her moan out like that in a long time. Halfway through orgasm number two out of god knows how many, Harry shoved his headphones in and tried not to cry. He hated that someone else was making her feel so good that she was screaming the bloody walls down. He wanted to sink into her, to have her screaming out his name instead. But that wasn’t going to happen. Not even in his dreams could he have her, always cutting off right around the time his hands landed on her hips.

“Oh, didn’t see you there, mate.” The guy turned around. “M’Alfie.”

“Harry.” He grumbled, reaching up to the heat down. “Y/N’s roommate.”

“She told me about you.” Alfie nodded. “Said you’re a right laugh when you’re drinking.”

“Did she now?” Harry hummed as if he was actually interested in the conversation.

“Shame you didn’t come out with us.” Alfie said. “Y/N was a fucking animal. Have you ever had sex with her? I mean she’s amazing when she’s high.”

Harry wanted to vomit.

This guy was a total prick.

“Yeah, what a shame.” Harry cleared his throat, glancing over at Alfie. “When Y/N wakes up, let her know that breakfast is here. She’s going to want two pieces of toast with butter.”

“I will tell her.” Alfie sipped out of the bright pink mug and Harry’s face grew hot. That was his mug, the one that Y/N got him for Christmas last year. The little lamb on the front with a comical smile was mocking him now. “You alright, mate?”

“Yeah, I’m stellar.”

Harry stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall.

He nearly made it to his door when she stumbled out of her bedroom.

“Morning, Harry.” She yawned before smiling at her roommate.

He didn’t respond, ducking past her and into his bedroom.

Maybe he didn’t really know the girl he loved after all.

*******************************

Another Magical Friday Night

Alfie, as it turns out, wasn’t a keeper.

During their second escapade, Alfie shouting to the top of his lungs pulled Harry out of his half-asleep state. His heart sank and his blood ran cold as he sprinted out of his bedroom to Y/N’s. When he got there, Alfie was storming out of her bedroom, half dressed with a red face. Harry stood in Y/N’s doorway, avoiding her gaze as she struggled to put a t-shirt on. After a few moments, Harry couldn’t stand to hear her soft whimpers and loud sniffles. He tore his own shirt off, walking over to where she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed in front of her.

“S’alright,” He cooed, sitting down in front of her as he slipped his shirt over her head. “It’s okay, love.”

“I’m sorry we woke you up.” She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to the column of his throat as she cried. “I know you have an early yoga class tomorrow.”

“Please don’t apologize.” He said softly, rubbing his hand over her back. “Tell me what he did?”

“He didn’t do anything.” She shook her head, pulling back as she wiped at her cheeks. “I just...Alfie dabbles a bit in drugs and I tried some with him last week, but I didn’t like it. I told him I didn’t want to do it again and he called me a whore and a tease.”

Harry’s jaw tensed as he watched his best friend hiccup, swiping under her eyes again.

“You are not a whore.” Harry reached up, gripping her chin between his thumb and forefinger, demanding her attention. “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you need to be ashamed of yourself.”

“Thank you.” She sniffled. “Sleep with me tonight?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Let’s go to my room instead, okay?”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her he couldn’t sleep in her bed right now.

Not after Alfie had been in it.

“Okay.” She gave him a wavering smile. “Thank you, H.”

“Anytime.”

Harry held her that night, his heart pounding against his chest as she cuddled into him.

As he drifted off, he mumbled out loud, “This must be what heaven feels like.”

He hoped she didn’t hear him.

****************************

Harry decided that if Y/N was going out this Friday, he was too.

He couldn’t stand the thought of her going out without him by her side after last week’s incident with Alfie. There was no Tinder date for her to meet up with, just Harry and a few other friends who wanted to have a good time. They got ready in their shared bathroom together, pre-gaming with whatever they had left as they sang loudly to Harry’s pre-game playlist. When she spritzed her perfume over her neck, Harry’s mouth started to water.

The warm vanilla and citrus hybrid was damn near a love potion to him.

“Alright,” She nodded, giving herself a once over in the mirror. “I’m ready.”

“You look perfect.” He smiled, trailing his eyes up from her vegan, leather combat boots to her black skinny jeans, finally settling on the lacy bodysuit that she had recently purchased. “S’a bit like lingerie, innit it?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged her shoulders, pursuing her lips as Harry looked at her eyes. “But it’s nice and light and extremely sexy.”

“One of those nights?” Harry’s brows quirked up and he forced a little smirk to settle on his lips as she nodded. “Good, you deserve a bit of fun.”

And he actually meant it, this time.

She did deserve to have a little fun after Alfie

He could suck it up for one night if the girl he loved would be happy at the end of it.

“I do.” She giggled, reaching down to grab the bottle of tequila set on the bathroom countertop, wiggling it around. “One more shot for good luck?”

“Pour it up.”

*****************************

Harry bucked his hips up as the girl above him rolled her hips over his denim clad cock.

This time, he brought someone home.

Granted, Y/N brought someone home as well, he now had a distraction to keep his mind busy and his cock wet while his flatmate got off. The girl he’d met at the club was so sweet, her hazel eyes enticing him the moment his gaze met hers. Her lips were so soft and they tasted like strawberries. He wondered what Y/N tasted like? They were normally covered in gloss when she went out, shiny and peachy. Did her lips taste like peach? Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as the girl dug her nails into his stomach.

“Can I take your pants off?” She asked, timid and soft. Nothing like Y/N demanding the naughtiest of things on the other side of the wall. “I’m ready to...I want to ride you.”

“Okay, yeah.” Harry opened his eyes, sitting up as he wrapped his arms around her. He pressed a few soft kisses over her jaw before catching her mouth in his. “Just a second, love.”

“You’re sweet.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead, swinging her leg over his thighs as he reached for his buttons.

“Fuck, yes!”

Harry rolled his eyes, fumbling with the zipper on his trousers as the girl next to him slapped her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh.

“She’s loud.” She giggled, reaching down to start working on her heels.

“I know.” Harry sighed. “I’m really sorry about that. I...I didn’t know she would be bringing someone-”

“Right there, y/n! Yes baby yes!”

“Jesus.” He let out a huff, reaching his hand up to tap the wall with his fist. “Oi, other people are trying to have fun here.”

“Oh my god.” The girl tossed her head back, barking out a laugh. “You don’t have to do that, it’s fine.”

“Sorry, H.” Y/N called back. “We’ll keep it down.”

“I just don’t want to ruin the mood for us.” He shuffled out of his jeans and boxers, tossing them to the side before he looked back at her.

“I’m okay.” She climbed on top of him again, her shoes now tossed aside and her dress hiked up to her hips. “I really, really don’t care about anything else but fucking you right now.”

“Oh.” Harry’s cheeks were surely tinged pink as she gripped his cock in her hand, stroking up with gentle movements. “Fuck, that’s nice.”

“Good.” She leaned forward, pressing her free hand to his shoulder. He fell back onto the mattress, dropping his hands to her thighs. “I promise I’m gonna make you cum so hard, you won’t even know there’s anyone else in the world besides me.”

Harry dropped his head back, digging his nails into her thighs as she lined herself up with his cock. It had been so long since he’d fucked anyone, his emotions for Y/N a huge cock-block that he couldn’t seem to shake. Other girls just didn’t do it for him anymore. But tonight, the alcohol in his veins and the vision of Y/N nearly fingering some girl in the back of the club reminded him that he was free to fuck whoever he wanted, despite his love for Y/N.

“Y/N!”

Harry let out a heavy sigh through his nose, the sound of Y/N’s one night stand screaming making the fire in his belly dim just a little. He didn’t even care that his own girl was sinking onto his cock, soaking wet and tight like a vice. He barely even remembered that she was on top of him until she moaned his name out.

He opened his eyes, watching her face contort as she settled onto his thighs.

“You’re huge.” She whispered, tilting her head back. “I swear I’ve never had...never had someone so big, fuck.”

“Yeah?” He licked over his bottom lip, sliding a palm up to her belly. “Feel me there?”

“Mhm.” She whimpered, gripping onto his wrist. “M’so full.”

“Y/N, please let me cum.”

Harry let out a frustrated sigh, reaching his hands up to rub over his face.

“Are they bothering you?” The girl asked softly, lifting off of his cock. “Because it seems like they are.”

“A little, yeah.” Harry nodded, wincing as his cock slapped against his stomach. “I’m really sorry, it’s not that you aren’t amazing-”

“I get it, it’s okay.” She fell next to him as his cock started to soften. “I would be kind of wigged out if my roommate was fucking while I was too.”

“She does this every Friday night.” Harry said. “And...not to continue ruining whatever we had going between us, but I’m kind of in love with her.”

“Oh.” The girl whispered. “That would really turn me off.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And I was trying to have fun for once, you know? Because she seems to go about life oblivious to my feelings and I’m stuck pining for her while she’s fucking whoever she wants to.”

“Do you think she knows that you like her?” His date asked.

“I don’t know, probably not.” He mumbled, turning his head to look at her. “You don’t have to listen to me moan on about it, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” She turned on her side, pressing her palm to his chest. “I have a feeling you haven’t talked to anyone about this and it’s not very healthy to keep things bottled up.”

“You’re right about that.” Harry smiled. “You know, I have a friend who would absolutely adore you.”

“Is it Y/N?” She giggled. “Because I don’t swing that way.”

“Oi, you think I’d let you shag the girl I just told you I’m in love with?” He laughed, his brows crinkling together as he reached over to pinch her hip. “It’s not her.”

“Good.” She laughed with Harry, sliding closer to him. “Would it be weird if I stay?”

“No,” He shook his head. “It’s the least I can do after wasting your time.”

“And...what about a cuddle?” She asked. “Because I do enjoy a good cuddle session.”

“I can deal with that, I think.” He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. “Thank you.”

*****************************

The next morning, Harry was livid.

He sent his date, Halle was her name, off with a sweet kiss and a coffee to-go. Maybe in another life, she would have been perfect for him. A soft, sweet girl with kind eyes and a willingness to listen to him. Unfortunately for him, he was too far up his obnoxious flatmate’s ass to see anyone else. And even if it made things awkward between them, he had to tell her how he felt. There was no way he could keep going on like this if there was a way to prevent it.

“Good morning,” She chirped, her hand linked with the girl she brought home last night. “Are we having breakfast?”

“You can do whatever the fuck you want.” Harry snapped, taking his coffee mug and his breakfast plate from the counter. “I don’t care.”

Y/N’s jaw dropped and the girl’s eyes grew wide.

Harry didn’t say another word, walking past the two girls.

He hated being a dick, but lashing out made him feel the tiniest bit better about what happened last night. He pushed his bedroom door open with his hip, settling back into bed as he flicked through his options on Netflix. He wasn’t even thinking of Y/N, his mind struggling to remember whether or not he’d seen the last episode of the Great British Bake-Off. When he realized that he hadn’t, clicking on the title to start the episode, his bedroom door flew open and his roommate stormed in.

“Fuck you!” She snapped, reaching for his remote, standing in front of his bed with a scowl on her perfect lips. “I don’t know who pissed in your cheerios this morning, but you don’t get to talk to me like that! Especially not in front of guests.”

“Okay.” Harry shrugged. “Can I have my remote-”

“No, you can’t!” She shouted, tossing her hands up as she let out a noise crossed between a groan and a growl. “What’s your deal?”

“I haven’t exactly finished my coffee, love.” Harry was trying not to relish in the sight of his roommate frustrated and adorable. The feeling she was experiencing now was a fraction of what he felt every time he heard her through the wall. “Maybe come back later?”

“Are you upset because I fucked someone last night and you didn’t?” Her brows shot up. “I know you didn’t cum last night and neither did the girl you brought home. Are you mad because you’re shit in bed?”

“Maybe we were quiet. You know, decent and considerate of other people,” The smile he gave her was sarcastic. “Or maybe- and this is a good one- maybe, I had a girl sitting on my cock, ready to fuck me so bloody good I would cry, but I couldn’t let her because all I could think about was how much I love you. ”

“What?” She asked, her mouth falling ajar.

“Maybe when I was kissing her at the club, I was thinking about kissing you.” He set his coffee mug down on his nightstand, continuing on. “And maybe when I had my fingers in her cunt, I was thinking about you. And maybe, just maybe, every time you fuck someone so loud that it keeps me up at night, I wish it was me instead.”

She didn’t say anything, watching as Harry moved forward. He snagged the remote from her hand, proud of his little confession. He turned the show back on, ignoring his roommate as she stood there with her eyes wide. He smirked, crossing his legs before he settled his hand on his stomach.

“You process that and I’m just gonna watch Noel and Paul bicker.” Harry said.

“You’re an asshole.” She whispered. “You...you can’t just be upset with me because I didn’t know that you liked me.”

“I’m not upset with you,” He said. “I’m a little upset that I was trying to have a good time for once and you ruined it with you and your girl’s pornstar moaning, but I’m not upset with you. That would be extremely unfair of me.”

“Why have you never said anything?” She cleared her throat, fidgeting with the hem of her oversized shirt. “We’ve been roommates for years, Harry.”

“Because I love you as a friend, too.” He started. “I didn’t want to risk it.”

“And now?” She squeaked out. “You’re willing to risk it now?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’m tired of wishing that it was me on the other side of this wall, Y/N. So...take some time to think about what I said and let me know if you’d be willing to give it a try. No hard feelings if you don’t want the same thing, I completely understand and I’ll respect your choice either way. We’ll just have to work out some arrangement where you let me know when you have someone-”

“I want to try.” She said quickly, kneeling on the edge of the bed. “Because I really like you, Harry. Like, the only reason I’ve brought so many people back home with me is because I couldn’t have you. I knew that there was no way in hell you would like a girl like me. I’m obnoxious and boisterous and just...I didn’t think I was your type.”

“You’re kidding?” His brows shot up. “You thought...oh my god, we’re both bloody idiots.”

“You’re telling me.” She laughed, falling on her ass in front of him. “This whole time I’ve been fucking people that loudly to make you jealous and the entire time you’ve been listening, imaging it was you?”

“I guess so.” He let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “Well, I guess that leaves us with two options.”

“And what might those be?” She asked, a soft smile settling on her lips.

“I take you out for brunch, maybe a nice walk in the park, and then I bring you home and fuck you so hard you won’t even remember the orgasms you had last night.” He lifted one finger up, smiling as he watched her inhale sharply. “Or option two, I fuck you now and we go to brunch later?”

“Wouldn’t it just be lunch by then?” She tilted her head to the side, playfully narrowing her eyes at him. “I mean...that defeats the purpose, yeah?”

“Really, that’s-” Harry let out a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re missing the point.”

“I’m not.” She leaned forward, sliding her hands over his thighs. “I see it clear as day.”

“And what does your heart tell you to do?” He licked over his bottom lip as she moved closer, her nose nearly bumping against his.

“To take you up on option two.” She whispered. “Because it’s really not fair that I came five times last night and you didn’t come, not even once.”

“Fuck.” Harry sputtered out as she brushed her lips over his. “Kiss me?”

She pressed her lips into his, moving his body back onto his pillows. She moved over him, straddling his thighs as she deepened the kiss. When her tongue slipped over his bottom lip, his mouth fell open in response. His hands fell to her hips, digging into the soft flesh as his mind tried to catch up. The girl of his dreams was sitting on his lap, in his bed, and she wanted him. She wanted him just as bad as he wanted her. He couldn’t believe that this was happening, sure that he was just a fever dream or a nightmare that he would wake up from any second. But he was brought back to reality when her tongue slipped over his.

And at that moment, Harry knew he was right.

She did taste like peach.

#hsbificathon

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cheri-translates · 4 years ago

Text

Headcanon - his kiss doesn’t count as a dare

This work, 他的偷亲，不算冒险, was originally written by 喵小柒吃很少 on Weibo, and she has given me permission to translate it 🌸

[ GAVIN ]

Eli grins cheekily as he rushes into Gavin’s office, slamming his palm on the desk. “Let’s grab dinner after work. Treat it as a celebratory feast for solving this big case.”

Gavin looks up, glancing at Eli. “...okay.”

Over the past month, Gavin and Eli had led the team in working tirelessly to resolve a major criminal case. With the mission finally completed, the team is preparing to head out to celebrate over beer.

Tipsy from the feast, the young policemen commence a game of ‘Truth or Dare’. Likely attributed to the nature of their work preventing them from relaxing and cracking jokes under normal circumstances, everyone is fully immersed in the game.

Gavin doesn’t seem to be interested in such a meaningless game. He sits at quietly, taking sips of beer while watching as everyone gets engaged in lively discussions involving each others’ gossip.

Male gossip is pretty scary too... Gavin thinks to himself.

Suddenly, Eli exclaims. “Eh? Gavin hasn’t had his turn, right?!”

In just a moment, everyone’s eyes are focused on Gavin. He sets down the glass in his hand, the alcohol leaving a faint reddish hue on his face.

“Ahem...” Gavin subconsciously rubs his neck. “That’s right...”

“Eh~ It isn’t interesting enough for you, Captain Gavin? Come come come, let’s play!” An officer stands up, stumbling over to Gavin and patting his arm. “Captains have to lead by example, don’t they?”

“...okay.”

“Hey hey! Captain Gavin, pick one - truth or dare?” Eli asks excitedly.

“...dare.” Whatever can be settled using actions don’t require words.

“All right!” Eli becomes even more enthusiastic. “Let me suggest one! You have to promise that you won't refuse!”

“...”

“Kiss Sis-in-law! You have to take action once you reach home. This is an order!” Eli pats Gavin’s shoulder, rocking with laughter. “You can’t refuse! If you’re truly a man, you’ll post it on Moments as proof!”

The faint flush on his cheeks seems to deepen in colour at Eli’s words. Slightly embarrassed, he turns away. “...okay.”

By the time Gavin returns home, the house is very quiet. The tender moonlight seeps through the gaps of the curtain, illuminating the girl who is in a deep slumber.

You’re lying on top of the blankets, hugging the pillow Gavin gave you.

“...why are you asleep this early?” He slurs, worry surfacing on his face. He lifts you up, carefully tucking you underneath the blankets.

“Today... ahem...” Gavin stammers as he looks at your sleeping form. “I...”

After struggling internally for a while, he leans down. When his lips are just about to touch your forehead, he suddenly stops, his face as red as a steamed crab. “Does this... count as taking advantage of someone?”

He thinks for a moment. Finally, he decides to leave a gentle kiss on your forehead anyway. “Goodnight, my girl...”

The next day, you see a picture of yourself sleeping (with a horrible posture) on Gavin’s Moments, accompanied with the caption: “My mission has been completed. It doesn’t really count as a dare.”

You: Gavin! What in the world is this???

Gavin: Ahem... n-nothing... [his face turns crimson when he recalls the secret kiss last night]

You: Are you hiding something from me?

Gavin: No... I just... kissed you... that’s all...

[ KIRO ]

“Cheers~ Everyone has worked hard!” Director Yang shouts. Kiro and the crew members, including Savin, raise their glasses.

Everyone is enjoying themselves to the fullest during this feast dedicated to celebrating the finalised manuscript for the new movie. In the midst of it, Kiro has downed several glasses of beer without realising it.

Savin attempts to stop him. “Kiro, stop drinking. Your mistress of the house wouldn’t like it.”

“Ahh Savin~ I’m just so happy today (// ▽ //) ~” Kiro sounds upset as he pushes past Savin half-drunkenly, snatching his glass back.

At this point, a voice interrupts Savin’s nagging -- “Hey, we’ve spent such a long time drinking. Why don’t we play some games?”

“Sure! How about ‘Truth or Dare’?”

“All right, stop drinking. Go and join them!” Savin finally seizes an opportunity to grab the glass from Kiro.

“Hm???”

Kiro purses his lips as he gets pushed to the middle of the group unwillingly.

“Truth or dare - Kiro, pick one!”

“...ahh.” Kiro scratches his head. “I pick dare.”

“Okay! I'll give you a task!” Director Yang volunteers. “I heard that Kiro recently announced publicly that he has a girlfriend?”

“Oho~” The surroundings burst into an uproar.

Kiro is stunned for a moment, but returns to his senses soon after. A smile reminiscent of sunlight surfaces on his handsome face.

His voice is tinged with pride. “That’s right~”

“Wow! What a lucky man!” The rustling of voices drift in the air as everyone starts whispering to each other.

“In that case, your dare today is--” Director Yang pauses dramatically. “To go home and kiss your girlfriend. You also have to post a picture on Moments! This way, you can't think of squirming out of it!”

Kiro chuckles. An even more brilliant smile appears on his face, which is currently flushed from alcohol. “No problem~ I promise to complete this task!”

When Kiro returns home, you’re already asleep. He doesn’t turn the lights on. Based on his familiarity with the layout and the numbness of his yet-to-be sober mind, he staggers into the bedroom.

“Miss Chips~” His voice is very soft and exceptionally gentle. “Are you asleep?”

...

The steady breathing in the air gives him an answer.

“It’s okay even if you’re asleep. Today, I’m incredibly happy~” He leans down slowly, drawing closer to you. “I’ll tell you more in your dream...”

After saying this, he plants a kiss on your lips.

The next day, you see a picture of yourself sleeping on Kiro’s Moments. The room is dark, but you can still vaguely make out your profile. The caption reads: “To Superhero Kiro, there’s no such thing as a ‘dare’~”

You: Kiro? Why did you post this???

Kiro: Because I had to complete a task~ Hehe...

You: A task?

Kiro: Does Miss Chips want to know what it was? I’ll tell you if you give me another kiss~

You: In your dreams! (hold on... why did he say “again”?)

[ SHAW ]

“Come on bros! Tonight, we aren’t going home till we’re drunk!” The band members are currently gathered around a table in Live House.

The performance that night was a resounding success. As such, the band members decided to have a small beer gathering to celebrate.

“Eh? What’s wrong with you, Shaw?” You’re drinking so little today - it’s not like you!” A man with purple hair asks, staring incredulously at him.

“What drink? Hurry up and serve dinner already! I’m heading home after that.” Shaw impatiently waves away the beer bottle offered by the band member.

“Oh? You’re going home early? Is it because someone’s waiting for you?” The man teases. The other members start hooting.

“What ‘someone’? You’re thinking too much. I’m just tired, so I want to return home to sleep.” Shaw answers casually, nibbling on the chopsticks.

“You don’t? What about that Sister who watches our performances often?” The purple-haired man pipes up again, clearly unafraid of death.

“Her name’s MC!” Shaw has reached the limits of his patience. “Tch, why do I even need to tell you!”

Everyone at the table starts laughing.

“Since you’ve already brought her up, I don’t think you’re in the mood for eating. Just go home! We won’t miss you anyway hahaha!” The man says relaxedly.

“You said it yourself. I’m leaving.” Shaw immediately sets down the chopsticks. Grabbing his jacket, he turns towards the door.

Before he can take a step, the purple-haired man continues. “You can leave if you want to, but you’ve got to kiss your girlfriend and post it on Moments! Or else we won’t let you off tomorrow! Got it?”

“Tch...” Shaw scoffs. “It’s just a kiss. What’s so difficult about it?”

“Oho~” The group of people once again start hooting from behind him.

When Shaw reaches home, you’re already off in dream land. He tosses his jacket onto the sofa, then heads into the bedroom.

The night is incredibly quiet, and the air is filled with the rustling of his clothes as he walks over.

You’re sleeping on your side, your head tilted upwards slightly, revealing your neck. Shaw casually squats down next to the bed, staring at your sleeping face--

“Hey, MC? Are you asleep?” He asks.

...

“Why do you look so terrible when you’re asleep?” He shifts closer, carefully observing you.

“Forget it.” He arches his brows. “Why did I even notice such a dumb and troublesome woman?”

Despite what he says, he leaves a deep kiss on the side of your neck...

The next day, you see a picture of yourself sleeping on Shaw’s Moments. The caption reads: “This is called a ‘dare’? How boring...”

You: Shaw? What’s the meaning of this?! Care to give me an explanation?

Shaw: The words are clear enough. You can’t read?

You: I’m asking why you posted a picture of me sleeping?! It’s so ugly! Delete it immediately!

Shaw: Why should I? I don’t want to!

MC: Shaw!

[ VICTOR ]

At a LFG gathering, several rounds of drinking result in everyone having the Dutch courage to start joking around with CEO Victor...

“CEO, want to play a round of ‘Truth or Dare’ with us?” Goldman is clearly intoxicated, swinging a glass in his hand while posing this question to Victor, who is sitting alone at the corner of a sofa.

Cindy immediately tugs at Goldman’s sleeve, and even shoots him a glare. “Hey, are you out of your mind?!”

In a hazy state, Goldman responds: “Hm? I... No I’m not...”

Before Cindy can celebrate the fact that Victor didn’t get angry, the man himself suddenly stands up and says: “Okay.”

!!!

Everyone, whether they are drunk or sober, are left flabbergasted. Victor actually agreed???

“CEO Victor, you have to promise to do a dare!” In a rare display of boldness, Goldman exclaims, “I want... a raise!”

Victor glances at him. “That’s all?”

“No no no!” Cindy rushes to cover Goldman’s mouth. “Let’s change it to another one!”

“Mm.”

Goldman suddenly has a new idea. “You... have to do it when you get home!”

“...what are you saying?” Victor’s brows furrow slightly.

With a gradually softening voice, Goldman elaborates. “You have to kiss the Lady Boss... and post a picture on Moments as proof...”

Everybody at the scene stops breathing. Time seems to halt as well, and no one dares to say a word.

Victor sighs, setting down the glass in his hand. “I’ll do it.”

By the time Victor returns home, you’re already asleep. He changes into a new set of clothes, treading into the bedroom quietly. The room is pitch black. Borrowing slivers of moonlight, he sits at the side of the bed carefully.

“Dummy, are you asleep?” He asks softly, as though he’s talking to the air.

...

A lack of response is an affirmation that you’ve been asleep since a while ago.

“I’ll do it without your permission this time then.” Victor leans down, planting a kiss on your cheek.

“Goodnight, my dummy.”

The next day, you see a picture of your silhouette on Victor’s Moments. The caption reads: “My task is complete. It doesn’t count as a ‘dare’.”

You: What’s the meaning of this? Why did you randomly post a picture of me, and when I was asleep...

Victor: ...no reason. A dummy wouldn't understand.

You: Why are you calling me a dummy again??? You’re the dummy!

Victor’s mind: I am a dummy. Or I wouldn’t have agreed to the game...

[ LUCIEN ]

The latest experiment conducted by the research centre has succeeded. To celebrate, Lucien and his fellow researchers have gathered for a meal. Of course, he also brought his competent assistant, Ah Ming.

Because this experiment was incredibly difficult, the research centre spent more than a year to obtain success. This propelled everyone to down a few more drinks than they typically would.

At some point, someone suggests a game of ‘Truth or Dare’--

“Professor Lucien, want to play?” A colleague teases.

“Just forget it. Lucien definitely wouldn’t play these types of games hahaha...” Another colleague at the side chimes in.

“...I can participate.” Lucien looks at the colleague who had invited him to the game, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Ah Ming, who is seated next to Lucien, almost spits out his water. He splutters, turning to Lucien. “Teacher, are you sure you want to play?”

“Mm. Is there a problem?” Lucien tilts his head and smiles.

“No no no!” Ah Ming hurriedly responds.

“I pick dare.”

“Okay! In that case, Ah Ming will think of a dare for his teacher.”

“Huh? Me...?” Ah Ming frantically waves his hand. “It’s better if you do it...”

“It’s all right, just suggest something.” Lucien chuckles. He is as calm as always, though his cheeks are tinted with a faint reddish hue from the alcohol.

“Hmm...” The cogs in Ah Ming’s brain turn as he thinks of something that can make his teacher happy so his thesis doesn’t get scrapped and yet is a satisfactory answer for the others present. “Then... give Teacher’s Wife a kiss when you get home?”

Everyone suddenly grows quiet. In the entire room, only Ah Ming’s gulp can be heard.

Lucien’s smile is even more evident now. His long and slender fingers tap the glass cup before him. “All right, I’ll do that.”

The air remains still, until one of his colleagues breaks the silence. “You’re not allowed to back out! Post it on Moments as proof!”

By the time Lucien returns home, you’re already asleep. But... you’re sleeping at your desk. Probably drained from amending a company proposal, one of your hands rest on the keyboard, while your other arm acts as a makeshift pillow for your head.

Lucien walks over to the desk quietly. When he sees your sleeping face, he releases a gentle laugh. “Silly Girl, you're able to sleep even in such a position...”

He shifts to your side and leans down to your ear. “Are you really asleep?”

...

Silence is his answer.

With a laugh, he tucks some stray hairs behind your ear. “...silence is consent ^_^~”

And he kisses your ear lightly.

The next day, you see a picture of yourself draped on the table on Lucien’s Moments. The caption reads: “The difficulty level of this ‘dare’ doesn’t seem challenging enough.”

You: Lucien, why did you post a picture of me sleeping? And sleeping at the desk! It's so ugly! Delete it!

Lucien: It is? I think it’s very nice~

You: Yes yes yes! It looks terrible! But... why would you post such a random thing on Moments?

Lucien: Do you want to know? [laughs] Come closer and I’ll tell you...

More translated and original works: here

–

[ Permission to translate ]

喵小柒吃很少: Hello~ Firstly, I’m really touched that you like them, I feel very honoured~ You can translate the works! If more people who like MLQC can read them, I’m very happy too 💝 Thank you!

#mlqc #cheri shortcake

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eberles · 5 years ago

Text

i hate u, i love u

Rafe Cameron

(gif by @toesure :)

Request: A Rafe fic based on the song “I hate u, I love you” by gnash (ft Olivia O’Brien) PLEASE MAJOR RAFE VIBES 🥺💖 @fav-imagines

A/N: I wanted to cry writing this lol idk why but it hit me right in the feels!! it’s kind of all over the place, if anyone is confused by, don’t worry bc i am too!!!! lol anyways enjoy!! (this is probably the first thing ive ever written that goes with rafe’s character) bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, cheating, lying, toxic relationship, swearing

feelin used, but im still missin you and i cant see the end of it just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but i still cant seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you

I’ve spent months sitting in my room staring at the ceiling, and at the walls. I did a full Bella Swan from New Moon and let 3 months go by without being present for any of them. I didn’t care honestly...Even after spending all that time alone, i’m not still not healed from the heartache that was caused by him. I still miss him, his scent, his kisses, his clothes, everything. Rafe.

I went out once and he was the last person I wanted or planned to see, but of course, he was the only person I actually saw. Sure, there were other people around, but none of them mattered. Everyone else felt greyed out except for him. He was the only light I could see in those short moments. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my breath hitched in my throat and it felt like there was no air left to breathe.

After months it still hurts to see him again. It hurts because I realized I still need him even after everything. I hate him. So why do I love him? The feeling of him being the only one I want, the one nobody could ever replace...it’s overwhelming and I can’t seem to shake it. But me? He replaced. It looked like it was easy from my point of view. He needed her, wanted her, and i’m not her.

i miss you when i can’t sleep or right after coffee or right when i can’t eat, i miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don’t remember. do you miss me like i miss you? fucked around and got attached to you.

My head was consumed on thoughts of you. It was constant. Like the leaky faucet in the bathroom or the loose floorboard. Always running, always broken. I miss you. Maybe you’ll come around, but for now...I wish you were here instead. When it’s late and I can’t sleep, I think about you. When it’s early and I can’t eat, I think about you.

“Where are we going?” you giggled excitedly, grabbing my hand from across the console in my truck.

“Shh, I told you it’s a surprise baby, we’re almost there anyways.” I laughed at her giggling like a kid, she had so much excitement in her eyes. She was always ready for anything, even if it was 2 in the morning and I love that about her. I love everything about her.

“Ugh fine!” she groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes in a full circle looking up at the ceiling. “Why are we at the beach?” you didn’t even give me enough time to answer before jumping out of the truck and running towards the sand laughing the entire way to the water. Once I caught up with you, I grabbed your hands and pulled you close into my chest, kissing your forehead. When we broke apart I laid down a few blankets on the sand, noticing you were cold, I also gave you my sweater.

We stared at the stars and talked about anything and everything for hours. It felt magical. We stayed until the sun came up, watching the sunset before driving back to my house for some much needed rest.

Walking over to my closet, curious to know if that same sweater ended up back in my closet after that night. I reached in, digging around not finding anything and decided to look in my dresser instead. Of course, it was folded neatly in the drawer you used to call yours. Grabbing and shaking it out I noticed the light pieces of sand that fell from it. I brought it in to my nose wondering if it still smelt like your perfume. It did. I’m always tired lately, but never of you. Do you miss me too?

if i pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit, i put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit. i type a text then i never mind that shit, i got these feelings, but you never mind that shit. you’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know.

To Y/N: i wanna talk, i think...maybe i miss y-

*delete*

To Rafe: I miss you so much, it hurt someti-

*delete*

“Y/N...what’s going on? You’re off in never never land! Do you still miss him?” Kiara asked, gently shaking my knee to gain my attention back to the group. I looked at her and around at the rest of the pogues and put a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Of course not, it’s been months! I’m so over him, guys. Besides even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” I tried so hard to sound confident. I hope they bought it. Of fucking course, I miss Rafe. I’m still in love with him for gods sake. I hate that I want him.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Sure, i’ve moved on, but I think about y/n, just about everyday. I guess for me, moving on is finding someone new, but not actually wanting anyone new. I just couldn’t bare to be alone anymore with my thoughts. I deserve better than that, personally.

“Anyways Topper, if y/n wanted me still, she would say so right?” I looked at Topper, silently hoping he would lie to me, just tell me what I want to hear, man. “If I were her, I would’ve never let me go. She’s missing out.”

“Hell yea, dude! That’s the right attitude.” Topper said, jumping up to high five me. Of course, that was the statement he was on board with. I hate that I want you.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I haven’t been to a party in months, Kiara and Sarah thought that this would be the most fitting post-break up activity for me. Maybe meet a new guy or something. I tuned out when they were telling me about it and just agreed. What I neglected to listen to, was that it was a kook party. So now, i’m at a party alone, since my friends ditched me to dance with each other. And on top of that, I watch him watch her, like she’s the only girl he’s ever seen.

It took less than an hour of being at this party for us to end up in a room alone together.

“You don’t care! You never did!” Rafe shouted, running his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with this conversation. I don’t even know how it started. One minute I was watching him with another girl, and the next he was hauling me off, away from everyone.

“You don’t give a damn about me, Rafe! How is it you never notice that you’re slowly killing me?” you wanted to yell back at him, to scream at him for putting you through this again, but you couldn’t. He didn’t say anything in return so you continued, “I hate you, and I hate that I love you, Rafe.” I’ve tried to move on, but even the simple thought of dating anyone but him, makes me physically ill. Why does it have to be like this?

“I don’t mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm, babe. Do you ever wonder what we could’ve been y/n?” He’s taunting me by asking dumb questions, as if I wanted this to happen, as if i’m the cause of all of this. Rafe’s the one that was closed off, not me. Of course, he switches the stories and i’m sure everyone at this damn party thinks I left him heart broken.

“You have a girlfriend, why are you even asking me that?” I was starting to get angry, I felt like he was toying with me.

He’s laughing. Of fucking course, he’s laughing at me. This is all one big fucking joke to him. “Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix. Isn’t that what you always told your friends Rafe?” I was furious, how could he act that way after everything? He’s still a child though, that will never change.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You were right. I did lie to you, multiple times. About where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I didn’t want you to know I was such a fuck up. You didn’t deserve the pain of finding out I was lying and cheating and drugging. You did anyways though. Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

“Rafe! Come dance with me!” I downed the rest of my drink before throwing the glass down and walking away from the new girl I was seeing. I didn’t care anymore.

I don’t want you, Y/N. I shouldn’t fucking miss you. I don’t deserve to! Seeing you again is such bullshit. If you wouldn’t have shown up here, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges, just to create some distance. You didn’t deserve that, I knew it, but at least now you might learn your lesson and stay away. It’s for the best, right?

I hate that I love her, but I can’t put nobody else above her.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿��✿✿✿✿✿

I wasn’t sure if I had the closure I needed, but after that particular conversation with Rafe I felt a little better. I returned to the party with my head held high and danced with my friends. I hoped he was watching me too since i’m not sure what he was trying to do by joking around at my expense. But maybe if he thinks it didn’t bother me he will know how it fucking feels.

I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings when love and trust is gone. I guess this is moving on. I hate you, I love you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#outer banks #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron x reader #drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #outer banks imagine

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rogerslovesstark · 5 years ago

Text

Don’t Love You Anymore

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Warning: Angst, Fluff

Words: 3k

“What are you trying to say, Steve?”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t love you anymore,”

Your mind was reeling, was this really happening? Was he really leaving you when you needed him most? You had found out you were pregnant only a couple of hours ago. You wanted to surprise Steve with a little joke you had found online. It wouldn’t even matter now, he doesn’t love you anymore.

Your hands were shaking while tears built up in your eyes, the sobs in your throat ready to flow out. You wanted to know what had happened? What changed from last week as he had told you that he would never leave you, and it would always be you two.

“What changed?” You whispered, if you tried to speak any louder, you would be crying loudly.

Steve sucked in a harsh breath, “I don’t know Y/n, I just don’t anymore,”

You nodded your head, and went into your bedroom and packed your bag. While throwing in clothes into your bag, you started to cry quietly. It hurt to leave, you had just passed your third anniversary. You had moved in with Steve a year ago, on your second anniversary. Guess it didn’t matter anymore, he didn’t love you anymore.

You swiftly got your bag ready, you walked out of your bedroom, over to the door, leaving your keys on the catch-all tray. You couldn’t bear to stay in the apartment any longer. Steve’s head shot up when he heard your keys hit the tray.

“Where are you going?” He asked without thinking, it was a habit for him to ask where you were going, constantly worrying for you and where you were going. You didn’t look over at him, he didn’t need to know anymore. You shrugged and left without a single word.

Steve sat back on the couch, head in his hands, feeling hollow and a shell of a person. The apartment had already felt colder without you in it, you were normally humming a tune softly, but it was silent, only the hum of electricity to be heard.

8 months later

Steve had landed from a mission, it was only supposed to a few week recon mission, turned into a full-blown undercover stakeout. He went back to his apartment, opening the door to a cold apartment. A shiver ran up his spine, subconsciously looking at the gleam of your keys on the tray. Steve felt his chest caved in at the reminder of what had happened before he left.

Where were you know? What were you doing? Were you doing alright? Steve went over to his desktop, searching your name up in the search engine.

There were no results about you, not even a social media link. You had loved social media, were always on it. The cute pictures of you were constantly posted between the two of you. He pulled out his phone to open his Instagram, looking up your name, to not find anything.

Did you delete your Instagram? He had looked through his own feed, the last picture of you sitting at a fancy restaurant table, smiling brightly at his phone. You looked so lovely that night, a pretty white dress and you looked like an angel. Steve was sure that he swooned every time you had smiled at him.

Steve put everything down and walked towards the bathroom which was connected to the bedroom. It hit Steve like a truck when he walked in and didn’t see your socks on the floor. You always left your socks on the floor because your feet were always cold and you wouldn’t take your socks off until you were about to go to sleep.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked around the bedroom and he couldn’t even smell your scent on the sheets anymore. A choked sob left his throat, you were really gone. You had left and didn’t come back. What else was he to expect, he told you to leave, he told you that he didn’t love you anymore.

Steve did love you, he truly did, breaking your heart like that was one of his biggest regrets, the basis of the mission was for a man who had threatened you and Steve, and he wanted to investigate. It would do more harm if you were together than if you were separated, so Steve broke up with you, what a mistake that was.

Steve walked to the bathroom, tears streaming down his face, and noticed the garbage was overflowing. He forgot to take out the trash before he left. Trying to get all the trash out, he noticed a pregnancy test, his heart dropped to his ass. No, you couldn’t have been pregnant. You would have told him.

It was positive. You were pregnant when he told you he didn’t love you. Steve needed to find you, where were you? Steve forgot about the shower, he grabbed his keys and got onto his bike, rushing to the tower to get FRIDAY to locate you and make sure you were okay.

++++

Steve stared at the computer screen in the lab. There was no trace of you at all, it was like you never existed. FRIDAY had said that there was no record of a Y/n L/n in their database, which was ridiculous because Steve had granted you security access to the building. Steve felt a cold sweat break out across the back of his neck. Tears pooled into his eyes, you couldn’t have disappeared like this without help.

Steve ran to Tony’s lab, hoping he would have an idea of where you were. Without even knocking, he barged into Tony’s lab, seeing his friend on the phone with someone.

++++

“Tony, the baby and I are fine, thank you for calling again for the third time today, but I promise if I need anything, I’ll call you,” You told Tony through the phone.

“Actually got to go, we’ll talk later,” Tony snappishly said before he disconnected the call, you rolled your eyes at his tone, smiling knowing he was annoyed that you denied his help yet again.

After you left Steve, you called Tony sobbing and he took you in. Tony was your closest friend besides Steve. He had picked you up and brought you to a small home close to Lake Erie. It wasn’t much, just a two-bedroom home 15 minutes from the lake.

You had given birth to Tobias Joseph Rogers last month, and it was like he was a photocopy of Steve. He had come out screaming and wailing at 7 lbs, 13oz and 21 inches, on July 4, 20XX. Just like his father. You cried for the majority of your pregnancy and the only reason you took care of yourself was for the safety of the baby.

Postpartum depression was also a concern for you because you were depressed during your pregnancy and you feared that you would still be depressed while raising your sweet little boy. He never cried, only fussed when he was hungry or soiled his diaper. Toby was sleeping right now, and he wouldn’t wake up for another 40 minutes so you began to clean up around the small house.

++++

“Who you on the phone with?” Steve asked, hoping he would say you. Tony looked at him shocked.

“When did you get back Cap?” Tony asked monotonously, secretly fuming inside, Steve had broken your heart and left you for dead, and here he was without a scratch on him.

“Couple of hours ago, was that Y/n? Do you know where she is?” Steve asked, a hopeful look in his eyes, Tony wanted to crush that hope out, Steve didn’t deserve you, you were too perfect for him.

“No, a business partner,” Tony knew you didn’t want to see the Captain, you specifically asked for all information about you to be erased from the system and the internet. You knew that Steve didn’t want to be in your lives anymore so it would be better to just disappear.

All hope Steve had was completely put out, you had disappeared. His heart was breaking so quickly, he was surprised that he didn’t collapse to the floor due to all the heartbreak. Tears began streaming down his face, his breath shaking at the thought of losing you, and your child.

Tony watched Steve shake and cry in the middle of his lab, awkwardly he went over and put his hand on the super-soldiers shoulder. He sympathizes with Steve, he really did, he knew what it was like to lose the woman you love.

“Please Tony, do you know where she is, I miss her so much, I had to go on a mission, they threatened her. They wanted to kill her because of me, please you gotta believe me!” Steve sobbed, wanting nothing more than to just hold you and beg for your forgiveness.

“Who threatened her?”Tony asked, his hands clenching at the thought of someone hurting you and that cute baby of yours. That little boy had stolen Tony's heart the moment he was born.

“Hydra, where the hell do you think I’ve been these past 8 months?” Steve shouted.

“Why the fucked didn’t you anything before you dumb fuck, that poor woman spent so long crying over you, thinking that you didn’t love her anymore.” Tony shoved Steve, and Steve took a step back, knowing Tony was protective of you.

“They would have killed her if anyone knew, it was for the best if we weren’t together while I looked for the person who threatened her,” Steve said exasperated, tired from fighting and not having you home to comfort him.

“Follow me, you stupid shit”

++++

You heard the jet before you saw anything, the noise had startled and he woke up whining, annoyed to be woken up from his afternoon nap. You quickly scooped the baby into your arms hoping to settle him and get him back to sleep, because if he didn’t finish his nap, he would be cranky until bedtime.

After numerous attempts of trying to put him down, he wouldn’t stop whining, only when you took him into your arms and held him.

“You such a mamas boy Toby,” You said softly to the infant, his eyes open and staring at you in wonder. You heard knocking on your door, you just knew it was Tony, he had called earlier and he always came by when he called.

“Let’s go see Uncle Tony baby,”

As you walked down the stairs, you heard two voices arguing softly behind the door, this worried you because you knew Tony always came alone, it might be the neighbors, they would stop by once in a while to check on you and see if you needed any help.

When you open the door, you felt your heart stop momentarily. There he was, in all his American glory, Captain America, Steve Rogers at your door, Tony standing next to him, a sheepish smile on his face. You glared at Tony, how could he do this to you.

Steve stared at the small bundle in your arms, that was your baby, the baby that you had grown without Steve there to help you. Steve looked up at you, you looked as beautiful as ever, skin glowing and your hair looked better than ever. It was like Steve was in a trance while staring at you.

Tony was the first one to break the awkward silence, “Sweetheart, you got to let him explain,”

“Like hell, I will, what the hell do you two want?” You said hostilely, holding Toby tighter to your body.

“Doll, let me explain, please,” Steve begged, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around you and hug and kiss you till dawn. To hold his baby and kiss, hold, cuddle him.

You looked reluctantly at Tony and then at Steve, you handed the baby over to Tony where he quickly gathered him and bolted to the nursery room.

“Come in,” You quietly said, leading Steve to your cozy living room. It was minimally decorated, not much inside besides a sectional and a coffee table, a small flat screen tv mounted on the wall. It wasn’t much but it was enough for you and the baby, to keep you from your thoughts when the baby was down and you didn’t want to go to sleep yet.

Steve walked in the house, it had the same aura as the apartment when you both lived there. It was small and it felt like home. Steve started tearing up, he felt out of place, exiled from your heart. But he was the one who told you that he wasn’t in yours anymore. Watching you walk through the corridor, made him feel so left out.

You both sat on the couch, you never made eye contact with Steve, you feared if you did you would end up forgiving him.

“Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea, water?” You ask softly, nervous to even be talking, what if he came to take away Toby? Your hands cliché at that idea, nobody was taking your baby away from you.

Steve noticed your hands and just stared at you, “Doll, let's just talk, please,” He said desperately, he picked up on the fact that you flinched when he had called you doll, his heart cracking. All Steve wanted to do was to reach out and hold you, just have you in his lap and breathe in your scent.

“Okay, what happened? I thought you didn’t love me anymore?” You whispered, bring up those words practically tore your heart.

“Y/n, I lied okay? I loved you and I still do. So much. Hydra threatened to kill you, the both of us, that's why I told you that, I thought it would be safer for the both of us if we weren’t together, they most likely had our apartment bugged, so I had to make it believable, please you have to believe me.” Steve pleaded.

You looked at the blond in shock, they had bugged the apartment, how, when? Did they know where she was right now? You stiffened up, worried that they knew where you were and they would come hurt Toby.

“Do they know where we are?” You whispered

“No, I took them all out.”

“By yourself?”

“I did what I had to do to protect the ones I love,” Steve said while taking your hand in his.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Doll they bugged the apartment if I told you they would have for sure killed us, I needed to make sure that we would both be safe and then take them down,” Steve explained, you seemed to be understanding the idea now. “When did you have him?” Steve asked you, dying to meet the baby.

“Last month, he was born on July 4th, like his father,” You told him, watching as his eyes filled with tears and his heart broke even more.

“are you alright?” Steve asked you, concerned that the pregnancy had caused any damage to your body. You had to go through that all alone, the hormones, the cravings, he missed watching you grow with his child.

“I’m fine, it was quick labor and delivery, only took 2 hours, eager like his father,” You said while smiling, thinking about your cute baby boy. “so what happens now?” You asked.

“Can I meet our baby?” Steve asked quietly, desperate to hold his son. You nod your head and lead him up the stairs, to the nursery where Tony and the baby were. Opening the door to see Tony laying on the floor with the baby on his chest. Toby was gurgling and making a face that you recognized, you quickly grabbed the baby and a towel, throwing it over your shoulder and burping him.

“Did he throw up on me?” Tony asked Steve, Steve couldn’t even pay attention to anything that Tony had said, too entranced by his son trying to burp. Hearing the small noise of him passing gas, Steve smiled and walked over to you two. Tony quickly stood up and left the room silently, not wanting to have to face the upcoming drama.

You feel Steve standing behind you, you turn towards him, his eyes silently asking you to hold the baby. You help Steve maneuver the baby into his arms. Steve starts to break down at the feeling of his son in his arms.

“What's his name?” Steve asked you.

“Tobias Joseph Rogers, Toby for short”

“You named him after my dad?” Steve asked, teary-eyed. You nodded, Steve was touched you named the baby with intention, even if you didn’t know if Steve was coming back.

“Doll, I know that I hurt you, but please, let me back in, I swear on my life that I’ll protect you two,” Steve begged you, wanting nothing more than to hold you and the baby and to call you a family.

“I don’t know Steve, you broke my heart, I can’t do it again,” You whispered, wrapping your arms around yourself as if to protect yourself from him. You wanted to try again, but you were scared, what if he left again?

“You won't have to, I will never leave you, please just let me try,” He begged you, hoping that you missed him as he misses you.

“Okay, one more chance, but your doing diapers for the next 6 months,” You said sternly.

Steve felt his heart swell, he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you towards him with a searing kiss, he had missed your kisses and your touch.

“I promise, I will never leave you again, baby, never again,” Steve whispered against your lips.

You pecked his lips and took the baby from his arms, putting him down in his crib, seeing he was already falling asleep in his father's arms. Once the baby was down, Steve grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, pacing to the bedroom.

“Steve!” You squealed, he slapped your ass and growled out, “Let’s work on getting another baby inside you,”

++++

Tony heard the bed frame smacking the wall and rolled his eyes and let out a quiet “Nasty fucking idiots”

#Steve Rogers #angst #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers angst #captain america #captain america fanfiction #captain america x reader #captain america angst #captain america fluff #steve rogers fluff #captain rogers angst #captain rogers fluff #tony stark #ironman

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kikis-writing-world · 4 years ago

Text

Weapons Training

Summary: Agent Whiskey has another encounter with the woman who took his watch.

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Female OC (Future Agent Brandy)

Word Count: ~2000

Rating/Warnings: PG, but overall SFW - Whiskey has some dirty thoughts.

Author’s Note: Another installment of Agent Brandy - reuploaded because tumblr mobile thought an edit meant “oh, okay, I’ll delete this whole post!” Punk ass bitch... Anyway, as mentioned before, not all the drabbles in this universe will be strictly chronological.

First part here!

The memo went out a week or so after Whiskey’s encounter with (the pickpocket) the hopeful agent: The recruitment session was over and two new agents would soon be joining their ranks. The next several days for the recruits would be spent honing their expertise to find out where they were best suited. Whiskey knew the board was hoping for at least one new field agent, but there were also the behind the scenes crews, like R&D or Medical, that were eager for recruits as well. Whiskey didn’t even know the girl’s name to find out if she’d passed recruitment, let alone find out where she’d land. What was he supposed to say? “The girl who swiped my watch from under my nose? Yeah, keep her away from me.” He’d never do that for two major reasons:

1. He’d have to admit that she’d fooled him, and 2. He absolutely wanted to see her again - just maybe at a safe distance this time.

His wish was granted a few days later as he saw her. She was dressed like an agent this time - That answered his question on whether she’d passed recruitment or not. Her hair braided over her right shoulder, white button up shirt under a dark grey vest and matching dress pants. He caught sight of the way the pants hugged her ass and thighs before losing her around the corner.

Before he even realized it where his feet were taking him, he was following her around the corner and into the weapons testing department. Had he noticed, he might have come up with a plan of what he was going to say or do once they were face to face. Instead, he just stared at her as she turned to see who had joined her in the room.

“Agent Whiskey.” She greeted cordially, nothing like the bashful, flirty woman she’d been at the elevator. Where before she seemed nearly starstruck, now she couldn’t care less that he was near.

“Sunshine,” he greeted in turn. While the sight of the woman didn’t brighten his day nearly as much as she had the first time they met, he knew the nickname would serve as a reminder. It let her know that he hadn’t forgotten that first encounter. The nickname made her grin wickedly. “I s’pose a congratulations is in order.”

She nodded appreciatively, “and I thank you for your help in that matter.”

Whiskey tried to hold in his outburst, feeling his face tinting red at the strain. His infamous temper won out however as he strode towards her, pointing in her face. “You stole my watch!”

“Borrowed.” She seemed unfazed at Whiskey’s annoyance, turning away from the Agent to peruse the weapons along the walls of the armory. “I had every intention of giving it back once I was done with it.” She glanced at him, looking for the shine of the watch under his sleeve. “And I do see it’s been returned to its place.”

He glared at her as she returned to looking at the weapons, her fingers skimming over a shotgun before passing it over. “You think you’re mighty clever don’t you, darlin’?”

“Only compared to some.” She shrugged, taking a knife off the wall to examine.

“I hope you’re not meaning me,” his voice held a sharp tone of warning as his footsteps mirrored hers, not letting her get too far away from him.

“If the watch fits.” She teased, sparing him a glance over her shoulder with a dazzling grin. He felt his ire flare up again, but he didn’t want to show her that she was still getting under his skin.

“How about a little friendly competition then?” He suggested, looking pointedly at one of the doors that led out of the armory. Behind it held one of the training rooms: built to survive just about any thrashing an Agent could dole out with any Statesman issued weapon, and with enough technology to create practice simulations and measure intricate readings.

“What do you suggest, Agent Whiskey?” She asked, turning to face him. He definitely held her interest now.

Whiskey grinned triumphantly, crossing the room to pull a whip down from it’s display. It wasn’t his personal whip, the one he knew like an extension of his own arm, but it was similar enough. “A little target practice. Weapon of choice, of course.”

She watched as he clipped the whip to his belt before she looked over the room. If he was honest, her wide eyes made her look like a kid in a candy store. He wondered if she’d choose something she was familiar with, trying her best to beat him, or pick something exciting that she couldn’t help but want to get her hands on. New agents could be so fickle.

She picked up a revolver and tested its weight in her hands. She slipped the holster around her waist with practiced ease. He had to admit, it was a good choice. A weapon he’d used many times before.

“Let’s do this.” She goaded, passing him to saunter confidently into the room. Whiskey chuckled at her smugness, following her in and pressing a few buttons on the screen to set the scenario.

Twelve holographic targets popped up throughout the room, split symmetrically down the middle with six on each side.

“Weapons holstered. Computer will count us down on my mark. Fastest to get all targets wins.” He explained calmly.

“On your mark, then.” She nodded, turning to focus on the field ahead of her.

Whiskey watched her for a moment, taking in her profile. Her muscles were tense, poised and ready to strike. She rolled her neck and wiggled her fingers to loosen up as her eyes darted between targets.

He turned to his own field and signaled for the computer to count down. A robotic voice echoed through the room.

3… 2… 1…

The loud buzzing was drowned out quickly. Gunshots rang as the whip cracked. A few seconds and it was all over.

The back wall illuminated with the times for each side of the room, Whiskey’s time blinking to indicate a winner - by only a few tenths of a second. He grinned triumphantly as she huffed.

“How the fuck do you out-whip a damned revolver?” She cursed, making him chuckle.

“Well, if you ask nicely, maybe I’ll show you.” He couldn’t stop his voice from slipping into that flirtatious drawl from the first day they met, adrenaline still coursing through him from the rapid attack.

“Really? Even after I took your watch?” She questioned cautiously.

“I thought you only borrowed it.” He joked. “C’mere.” He nodded for her to stand with him. She holstered the gun that had just finished smoking, and crossed the room. He grabbed her upper arms, turning her so that her back was to her front. She stumbled slightly with the suddenness of the movement, falling backwards into his chest.

“Right-handed?” He asked, breath tickling her neck. He already knew the answer from watching her shoot. She nodded in affirmative and he gave her the whip to hold in her right hand, covering it in his own. He took her left wrist in his other hand to hold her in place, kicking her feet gently to move them into the proper position. “Good. Now swing it over your head a bit, get a feel for it.” He told her, swinging their connected hands. She tilted her head upwards as she watched the whip. “Get used to the feel of it, the ridges of the handle, the weight of the thong.”

“The what?!” She tried to step away from him, but his left arm circled her waist quickly, keeping her in place and holding her tightly against him.

“That’s what it’s called, Sunshine. Don’t shoot the messenger.” He chuckled, ignoring how soft she felt against him. He watched as she swallowed hard, her throat bobbing with the effort. Once he was sure she wasn’t going to run again, he returned his left hand to hers.

“That’s it.” He mumbled as he sensed her relax again. “You ready?”

She didn’t have time to answer before he snapped his wrist, the motion so familiar to him that he was sure he could do it in his sleep. Her hand dragged along with his, moving the whip as it sliced through the air. The telltale crack echoed through the room, making her jump.

“Holy shit!” She cursed loudly, jumping away from him. Her eyes were wide as she stared at the now immobile whip hanging from her hand. “That’s intense!”

He laughed at her reaction, the spark in her eye. “It’s an underestimated weapon,” he agreed, holding out his hand. “But you can feel how much power it has.”

She nodded in agreement as she handed the whip back. “That was amazing. Thank you.” She smiled gratefully at him, and it almost made him feel bad for the anger he’d held for her, for wanting some kind of revenge.

“What else you trainin’ with? Other than a six shooter?” He asked as he hung his own weapon back onto his belt.

“Other guns, I tried out some blades but they’re not really my style.” She shrugged. “I’m good with explosives, but sometimes you need finesse.”

“What about your watch?” His question made her glance at the watch on her wrist. It was very similar to Whiskey’s own watch, but they had styled it to look more feminine. His watch would have looked bulky on her tiny wrist, but this one fit well. “You go around borrowing things, you oughta know how to use ‘em.” He teased.

“I’m getting used to it.”

“Show me?” He moved to the touch screen to set up a new training scenario. Holograms filled the room, silhouettes of 3 people walking around. Two were blue, while one was outlined in red. They walked in random patterns so that she would have to watch, wait, and make sure her shot was clear. “Paralyze the red target.”

“I can do that.” She hummed to herself, getting into position and holding up her watch. She clicked the outer frame of the watch to the proper setting - level of force: paralysis. He watched her eyes darting between the figures, waiting for her opportunity. He tried to keep himself still, silent, not wanting to throw her off.

She tapped the button watch, eyes on the red hologram. The room made no noise - nothing to indicate she’d hit the target or accidentally got a bystander instead. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“What ha-” She started to ask before she blinked several times. Whiskey grinned as she looked down, seeing the paralytic dart sticking out of her own right shoulder. She slumped to the floor, no doubt already feeling the chemical take over her arms and legs. “What?”

“Ah, rookie mistake.” He cooed innocently, kneeling down next to her. “Bet you accidentally switched your watch. Probably thinks you’re left-handed.” He picked up her wrist to show her the watch, her arm limp in his grip. “If it thinks you’re wearing it on your right hand, any weapons adjust accordingly.” He pointed out the tiny, pin-sized hole the dart had come out of, pointing back at her instead of out past her fingertips.

“You…” She was having trouble lifting her head. He dropped her arm, helping to lay her prone in a more comfortable position.

“Don’t worry. It’ll wear off in an hour or so, you’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll even tip someone off that you’re in here.”

She grumbled unintelligibly, unable to talk as the paralysis took over her tongue. If looks could kill, well he might not be dead but he would certainly have a few new scars on his pretty face. He stood over her, making a show of polishing his watch with his opposite sleeve.

“You messed with my watch, I messed with yours. Now we’re even, Sunshine.”

He tilted his hat at her before strolling away, whistling a happy tune. On his way to his office, he hinted to a passing R&D agent that the new recruit had gone into weapons training and someone should probably peek in to make sure she hadn’t hurt herself.

He was going to get chewed out for sure, but it was oh so worth it.

tagging: @wickedfrsgrl

#Agent Whiskey x OC #Agent Jack Daniels x OC #Agent Whiskey imagine #Kingsman The Golden Circle fic #Pedro Pascal Character fanfiction #WookieTales #OC: Agent Brandy verse #(this is what I get for trying to edit on the bus to work)

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vln-vibes · 5 years ago

Text

Unwanted, Unreliable, Unstoppable

Yeah so this thing is crazy long so I’m dividing it into three parts. Anyways this is very self indulgent but I hope you like the content.

Summary: They were tired, they were so so tired. This fight has been going on long enough, this war was getting harder and harder to fight as the years went on but no one ever helped; Not the citizens of Paris, not the French government and certainly not the Justice League. But what is they received help from a man that was practically a myth himself; the Batman. Is this exactly what the Miraculous Team needs or will this lead to their falling from grace?

🔴⚫🔴⚫🔴⚫🔴⚫🔴⚫🔴⚫

“I’m so tired of this!” Ladybug scratched at her head feverishly. Currently she was standing at the second most top of the Eiffel Tower with her team: Chat Noir, Ryuuko and Viperion.

“I know m’lady” Chat sighed, letting his cheerful mask take a break as he stood next to her, leaning into the railings.

“Those— Those assholes that call themselves the Justice League just keep ignoring us; it's like they just don’t give a shit about us” Viperion rolled his eyes. They had tried, time and time again, to get help from older, more experienced heroes with their situation in Paris; they were fucking teenagers thrust into an adult’s war. One they didn’t even care for anymore.

“They don’t care for Paris… Why should we?” Ryuuko spoke up, cold fury clear in her eyes. “If they cannot find the need to handle the Paris situation themselves then why must we be the ones to? No one even appreciates out efforts, its like they just want us to have everything handled”

It was true.

At first the Parisians praised the Dynamic Duo, Ladybug and Chat Noir, for stepping up and saving the city from the terrifying Akumas they had no way of handling. They even got the heroes to help out with things not in their jurisdiction; suddenly any crime, as minor or major as it could get, required their attention, any fire could not be handled by the fire department alone, schools needed the heroes to make guest appearances, they were wanted in television interviews, everyone needed to know everything about them. It was fine, for a while, they didn’t mind helping out.

Then Heroes’ Day happened.

Suddenly they were pathetic.

If they were supposed to be so strong then how come other heroes had to come to help? It had never occurred to them that they were chosen by Ladybug and Chat Noir, all they knew was that the duo was not as strong as they once believed.

After all it was just one criminal,

How hard could it be?

Sometimes, Ladybug wishes, she had just let Alya keep the stupid earrings. She was sure the girl would have taken them immediately at the time but, given her brashness and temperamental nature, she would have already lost to Hawkmoth.

Plus she didn’t blame the small kwami or even Master Fu all that much: She resented the man but still respected him very much and knew he went through the same thing as she did at an even younger age with absolutely no way out. She was aware that if she truly wanted to all she could do was just give the earrings to someone else or even hand them over. But Ladybug was stubborn and the earrings were her’s now, just like the ring was Chat’s, the choker was Ryuuko’s and the bangle was Viperion’s.

That didn’t mean this battle was theirs to fight.

“... Why don’t we leave?” Viperion asked, disturbing their silence. The trio looked at him curiously, as though he broke an unspoken rule.

“Why would we?” Ladybug responded, knowing fully well that Viperion didn’t tend to speak up unless he was certain of his words.

“Because they’re running us dry, this city is killing us” Viperion raised his voice, aware that they could already, “Adrien and Kagami are living shitty home lives with abusive assholes that want to call themselves parents. Mari, you’re being burdened with too much responsibility by that bitch Bustier and that class full of sheep! I hate seeing you all kill yourselves for people that will never appreciate it because they think they’re above it!”

At the end of his rant Viperion’s eyes were nearly glowing, his breathing a bit more rough than normal, looking away from his teammates knowing he stepped too far. “Sorry, but I don’t want my friends to die on me when I can do something to stop it”

Ryuuko, Chat Noir and Ladybug understood where he was coming from but it was like a slap on the face, a reminder of what civilian life was like for them. Ryuuko could feel the sting coming from her leg, where mother had hit with her shinai after failing to be in proper form. Chat Noir still felt the ache of having to do photoshoots all day and then staying up at night to have to do his make-up work; not that his father cared with his disregard of child labor laws. Ladybug still had some redness from bruises Alya had caused by tripping her on her way to class.

“... Okay so these are the sad gang hours” the group turned back seeing Roter Fochs land, Roi Singe and Pegasus landing behind them. The Parisians were really only aware of ‘The Core Four’ as they’d rather have some aces up their sleeves; not that the three were ready to confront the Parisian backlash just yet. They didn’t want to deal with anymore bullshit than they had to in their civilian lives.

“Is everything alright? Or is it just Life™?” Roi Singe asked, leaning onto his bo-staff next to Viperion.

“It takes 60 euroes to go to therapy but no money to say it just be like that sometimes” Roter Fochs shrugged, much to the dismay of Viperion, Roi Singe and Pegasus.

“Can you please stop joking about your mental health” Pegasus found himself groaning. A small hovering screen appeared next to him, a cowboy hat firmly attached to the top with an antenna sticking out.

“Yes studies show that LGBT youth have a higher percentage to suffer from depression, some even to the point that they𑁋”

“Thanks for the concern CowBot but, really, I’m fine; let me have my fun” Roter softly tapped the little robot. It was nice having people, well sentient beings, still concerned with his well being.

Suddenly the group tensed, their artificial ears and enhanced senses picking up a light clink, the sound of something quickly winding up followed. Two male figures landed in front of them, quickly surrounded by the Parisians. The taller one of the two quipped:

“Well aren’t you a merry bunch”

“Who are you and why are you here?” Chat Noir kept an icy cold edge to his voice, emulating how his father would talk to employees that weren’t Natalie.

“They’re not Akumas, no magic radiating off of them” Ladybug analyzed, looking closely at the duo but she couldn’t recognize them at all. The male that had spoken had a lean and relatively tall body, he couldn’t be more than four years older than her team, so around his late teens early twenties. He had long raven hair, his bangs framing his face perfectly, even in the moonlight she could tell he had a pale complexion though the black domino mask he sported helped hide most of it and his eyes. His uniform wasn’t one she recognized from any superhero from the League; black kevlar, if she had to guess, made up nearly the entirety of his suit, from his boots, pants and even gauntlets, heck she wouldn’t be surprised if his cape was bulletproof. One of the only things to bring color was his crimson chest piece, with two belts across it holding up a golden bird symbol, the same one on his canary utility belt.

“Tt, we just came here to talk” the smaller male scoffed, his posture not looking any more tense or relaxed, just attentive. His build was also lean like his taller partner though she could tell his body would be able to build more muscles with his broader shoulders. She assumed they were around the same age, his jawline defined but not to the same extent an adult’s would be. His hair seemed almost darker than that of his partner’s and was slicked back though maintaining most of its volume, a naturally tan skin was found beneath a green domino mask, much like his companion’s. His uniform was definitely more colorful, almost as if he was meant to garner attention(and boy wasn’t that concerning); black seemed to be the main color in his suit with the outer cape, pants and sleeves being that color, ruby red tunic that went beyond his belt with dandelion accents on its edges and a golden R over his heart, pine boots and gauntlets matching the shade of his mask with dandelion yellow covering the inside of his cape and hood as well as his own utility belt.

She had no clue who they were.

“And why should we trust you?”

“Because we don’t like the Justice League any more than you do”

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One Week Ago

“Hey B, we found something interesting while reading the League’s data” Barbara Gordon’s voice echoed in the BatCave. Currently she and Tim were doing the weekly check-in on the League, something those heroes never seemed to notice. Not that they were surprised.

“What did you find?” Bruce asked, telling Duke and Damian to take a break from combat training while he did.

“There’s an alarming amount of distress calls from France, specifically Paris, that the League has been either ignoring or not receiving” Tim showed him the graph of all the history, going back at least three years closer. It was small at first, once every two months at the beginning, once a month when the second year began, every two weeks bordering on weekly near the end of it, by the start of the third it was daily until some time three months ago they just stopped.

Well wasn’t that cause for concern?

“Can we get any audio of the calls?” Bruce’s detective side coming up as Barbara was able to bring up a few that hadn’t been automatically deleted by the Justice League’s system. The first one was the very first from three years ago, a video call.

“Uh hello!” the girl on the video said awkwardly, clearly nervous but determined to get her message out, “My name is Ladybug”

Her costume looked like it was simply made by spandex, a rather plain design of red with black spots around, a domino mask with open lenses was the only thing really concealing her identity.

“Paris has a supervillain, his name is Hawkmoth and he feeds off of negative emotions. His power can turn anyone into his enslaved champion and we- my partner and I are the only ones really fighting this. I- I know you’re all really busy saving the world and all that but- but we’re just kids! We have no experience and well, we were hoping you can send someone to help? We’ve only confronted him three times now but well, we were just pushed into this”

Bruce could feel his blood growing cold, she couldn’t have been older than thirteen when this was recorded. He knew no Leaguers went on missions to Paris for the past five years… He told them to play the next video, from two years ago.

“Hello Justice League” Ladybug still wore her simple spandex though now standing tall next to a boy with a black cat leather outfit. Behind them was a girl with a bee themed outfit, a girl with a fox themed outfit and a boy with a turtle theme.

“We just came out of this Heroes Day disaster”

“No thanks to their help” the bee girl snapped before looking away.

“Look, Hawkmoth is getting more and more dangerous. He was able to transform half of Paris into his minions, they took over Paris and nearly won”

“What is it going to take you for you guys to finally help?” the cat boy growled much to the surprise of the others.

“Chat Noir!”

“Oh please we can totally handle Hawkmoth without them; you two should be enough already. With us three helping you, defeating him should be easy, power of teamwork and all that” the fox girl waved off, much to the surprise of the turtle.

“Rena did you seriously not remember what just happened. We were compromised, we nearly let Paris fall. We’re not trained for this, not even LB and Chat, and they’ve been doing this for the past year”

“Whatever”

“What was the last transmission?” Bruce found himself asking as the cave suddenly grew silent, all eyes on the monitor as their last transmission played.

“Why are we even bothering with this?” a new male voice asked, the video was shaky before finally pointing at the Parisian streets. If you could even call what was essentially a river of water, reaching to the top of most rooftops streets anymore. Items were floating about, bodies littered around them.

“They’ll never listen, they never did” another female voice agreed, they assumed it was the girl at the corner of the screen, looking down on the streets in what could be described as pity.

“I know” Ladybug’s voice sighed from behind the camera. “But they should at least see the consequences of their actions”

“If they even bother watching these, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just delete these as soon as we send them” Chat Noir entered the screen, eyes cold and calculating.

“Paris should be thankful that Lucky Charm is able to bring them back” the male with the snake themed outfit shook his head. “This is probably the 1,000 time most of Paris died with an akuma, second with Syren”

“Super lucky” the dragon female rolled her eyes “It’s not even worth trying to save citizens since all they do is cretique us”

“And the officers; Apparently we should be able to deal with city-destroying being and protect the people at the same time while officers just stand behind the lines waiting for us to do both” Chat Noir hissed

“What's done is done. This will be our last call for the Justice League; I hope you’re all happy, knowing that you’ve forced children to grow up and fight in a man’s war. Bug Out”

“There are no records of these videos even being played, or even of these events happening as far as Parisian government records say. But there’s clearly a lot of cover up going on, most of Paris’ emergency broadcasting doesn’t make it out of its borders, heavy encouragement of tourism even though there have been complaints by the people about… akumas?” Tim reported as soon as the video finished playing.

“There’s even records of a city-funded statue being made for Ladybug and Chat Noir yet no indication of where it is or what its for” Barbara continued “This blog keeps coming up, it used to be called the Ladyblog before it switched to Fox Tea. Look at these videos”

The screens were suddenly filled with shots of these Akuma; one that froze the city over, one who controlled the weather, one who began dropping adults from the sky, Syren, Heroes’ Day… All of them had to be handled by scared children.

“These look too real to be edited” Duke said in awe. He was very aware of his children all surrounding the screens, looking at the countless destruction of one of the major cities in the world.

And none of them had ever heard of them or these children who were forced to deal with it.

Ones who seeked out help and were never given the time of day.

“Red Robin, Robin” his two sons standing in attention “I want you to investigate the matter and offer our help; convince them that we’re on their side on not aligned with the League”

“We’re on it, Batman”

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“So you just want us to believe you found out about us and suddenly want to help?” Roter Fochs looked at the duo skeptically.

“We wish to assist you with this whole… situation. No one has heard of Akumas or of Parisian heroes before, we concluded that it may be the government attempting to keep tourism up” the shorter male, Robin, they later learned, spoke up while keeping his hands in the air.

“Though that doesn’t excuse the League, who we know you personally sent distress messages” Red Robin echoed the message “We understand the incompetence of the League better than anyone else. Did you know they never bothered to even open most of those messages?”

Red Robin was surprised by the sudden animalistic growling coming from the group, some of their eyes glowing while others looked disappointed.

Ladybug looked hurt.

“Who do you work for?” Ryuuko asked, curious but not letting her sword lower from its position.

“We’re Robin and Red Robin”

“Like the food chain?”

“.... Yes. Anyway we’re vigilantes sanctioned in Gotham, New Jersey in the United States; we’re both proteges of the Batman” Red Robin held back the need to roll his eyes at the monkey boy’s statement.

“Never heard of him” the French heroes turned to each other, trying to see if the name rang any bells.

“According to the internet the Batman is almost a folklore for Gotham; people claim to see him and his array of birds and bats but none could ever get clear photos” CowBot replied after a quick search.

“If the League never saw our messages then how do you know about them?” Chat Noir stared right at them, as though he’d know they were lying, which he couldn’t but Roter Fochs could and would.

“Because we’re better than the League” Robin said with the same certainty one would say the grass was green.

“Why should we believe you?” Ladybug asked skeptically, if they were so good then why didn’t they handle what the League wouldn’t? Why didn’t they just try to take over the Hawkmoth situation without their input? Why didn’t they just take down the League by themselves?

“You shouldn’t, “ Robin shrugged once more “But we’ll actually help where the League wouldn’t”

Ladybug stole a look from Chat Noir, both turning to Roter Fochs, who shook his head softly indicating the duo wasn’t lying.

“If you really want us to talk then give us the coordinates to meet with the Batman” Ladybug demanded, Robin looked outraged at the implication while Red Robin nodded.

“Alright, but how will you know if we’re lying to you?” he asked curiously, typing something in his communicator, the center of his utility belt, before handing it over to her.

“Trust me, we know when you’re lying plus we’d know when we get there” Viperion smirked, “Also you can stand down now Bunnix, MultiMouse”

The duo were not surprised to see two figures standing behind them, one male with a mouse theme and rope wrapped around his hands, and a petite girl with a bunny theme and a sharp looking umbrella pointing straight at their backs. They were just surprised that they hadn't sensed them before.

“Did you get those coordinates, Pegasus?”

“Yes Ladybug, waiting for your signal”

“Well then birdies, we better hope you weren’t lying or you’ll find Hawkmoth won’t be your biggest problem”

“Voyage!”

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“Why don’t you guys like the League?”

The meeting between the Bats and Team Miraculous had gone much better than any of them had expected; it had certainly helped when they found out one of their own, Agent A as they called him, was once a wielder.

They had both been surprised by the amount of members each team had: The Bats had expected Ladybug, Chat Noir, Ryuuko and Viperion; Roter Fochs, Pegasus, Roi Singe, Bunnix and MultiMouse had been a surprise.

Meanwhile Team Miraculous had only heard of whispers of Batman and many Robins, even a theory on a bat girl of sorts from their brief research; having Batman, Robin (V), Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Signal, Batgirl, Batwoman, and Black Bat not to mention Oracle and Agent A; they had almost thought it was an ambush.

They supposed they each knew how to keep certain secrets tight.

“The Justice League, though still consisting of some of the most powerful people in this Earth, are too high and mighty; none of them really consider the consequences of their actions and are too reliant on their powers to be able to resolve all their problems. None of them have any contingency plans if their enemies find out their weaknesses and exploit them. Not a single member is a ‘normal human’”

He pulled up a hologram in the middle of the meeting table, every person who's worked with Justice League showing up, each showing their array of powers and abilities before showing their membership status.

Batman, Green Arrow, Speedy, Robin, Artemis; Non-Members

Two Green Lanterns, Captain Marvel, Black Canary, Bumblebee, Rocket, the Atom, Blue Beetle (II), Superboy; Reserve members with clearance.

“That does seem pretty discriminatory” Viperion hummed as he thought of the people on the list, those on the Non-member list had no power or enhancement at all while those on the reserve, with the exception of Captain Marvel and Superboy, had powers or suits but the vulnerability of humans.

They weren’t considered strong enough, or maybe even reliable enough.

“We’d probably be considered in the same capacity as a Green Lantern” Pegasus concluded “Take away their ring and their powers go away”

“Which brings us to the next question” Batgirl chimed cheerfully “What is it exactly that you’re facing off against?”

“The Miraculous are ancient artifacts that lend you the powers of certain godlings named Kwami. Kwamis are the essence of concepts and ideas: The Ladybug who represents Luck and Creation, the Black Cat who represents Misfortune and Destruction and Horse who represents Transportation and Innovation are just some examples” Ryuuko explained for them

“Hawkmoth is in possession of the Butterfly Miraculous of Metamorphosis and Desire along with the Peacock of Emotion and Will” Ladybug paused briefly as she saw the look of surprise on Agent A’s face, wondering if she’d feel that way if she found out Tikki was being used for evil in the future. “Both were thought to be missing, possibly destroyed, when the last Master of the Order was able to salvage them from the attack to the Temple of Miracles. He was only a child when the Temple was attacked, thus he was able to escape without being detected by the enemy”

“If I remember correctly,” Chat Noir interrupted “I believe Master Fu said their name was “The Shadows” or I think he said they now go by𑁋”

“The League of Shadows” Nightwing softly added, the air tensing immediately.

“You know of them?” MultiMouse was weary considering the Shadows were very keen on keeping to, well, shadows. That had to mean that the Bats had confronted them.

“Intimately so” Batman growled out.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bunnix’s brows furrowed underneath her mask, feeling as though they wouldn’t like the answer.

“The Shadows have been a pain in Gotham’s ass in the past” Batgirl explained before turning to Batman “Especially since the Demon’s Head was interested in having Batman as a Son-in Law, though his daughter is sometimes an ally”

“Batgirl!” Red Robin admonished

“Don’t forget the little demon over here” Red Hood joked, missing the look of shock in the Parisian heroes.

“Or the fact that it sometimes seems like he wants to get on Red Robin’s dick and have his babies”

“Batgirl, Red Hood that’s enough” Batwoman sternly looked at the duo.

“You’re saying Robin is related to the Shadows” the Parisian heroes in the Reserve Team looked at them suspiciously while the Core Four just patiently waited to see what the Bats would say.

“That’s in the past” Nightwing steely stated “He was born into that lifestyle, but his mother let him chose to leave and live a different life”

“We had no choice of who our parents were” Black Bat reinforced, the team taking a mental note that she was once a shadow as well.

“Noted” Chat Noir said cooly “Though you must understand our reluctance when hearing the Shadows; like we said the Shadows destroyed the temple that was meant to safeguard the Miraculous and killed off every Guardian in the process”

“It would be foolish of us to not be on guard when hearing of them being so close to us again” Ryuuko explained “Though we will give the benefit of the doubt”

And so was the beginning of their partnership.

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“You’re all skilled fighters for not having any proper training” Oracle commended, looking at the statistics of the spars they all had, by far the Core Four had the strongest stats but it wasn’t because of the others’ lack of skill.

“Thank you, Oracle” Ryuuko bowed after finishing her match with Robin, an intense sword fight having just finished. If she had truly wanted to she could have ended it by cutting Robin’s katana but she found it both dishonorable and the easy way out considering they were testing skill sets. On the other side of the room was Red Robin and Roi Singe’s fight, bo-staff against bo-staff, being monitored by Black Bat.

“Oh kwami” Ladybug whispered as she and Chat Noir were called for the next match… against Batman and Batwoman.

“This is where we die Noir”

“It’s been an honor m’lady”

The fight had been entertaining, each side coming in with an array of attacks. At first the Bats had played offensive with the Miraculous duo playing defensive, dodging Batarangs and all their little gadgets. The Bats hadn’t expected just how durable the simple looking yo-yo and staff would be or any of its features.

At some point there had been a flash bomb, Chat Noir blocking it from Ladybug and getting temporarily blinded, Batwoman had planned on attacking while he was disoriented however the attack amplified his enhanced hearing, extending his staff and tripping her in the process.

In the end the Bats had won but it had been a close victory considering the Miraculous Team had not bothered to use their special abilities during any of the fights.

As they were taking a breather, resting and getting drinks, Robin spoke up.

“How are you allowing your city to step all over you?” Team Miraculous looked at him briskly before Red Hood, of all people, continued for him.

“We’ve seen the reports and the Parisian news, they’re relying on your team of four, considering they aren’t aware of the others, to be there to solve all their problems”

“It’s okay for your people to put so much trust in you but it's gotten to the point where they expect it of you” Robin concluded.

“I’ve tried telling them” Viperion sighed, facing his group “We really should be leaving Paris to handle their own problems, we’re busy enough in civilian life and akuma fights as it is”

“How do you suppose we do that when we already face scrutiny for not dealing with Akumas fast enough?” Chat Noir asked, his tail flickering behind him.

“You could always stop patrolling in broad daylight if you don’t want to leave the city altogether” Red Robin suggested, “Hiding in the night is easier to avoid any authority or anyone trying to get interviews. Plus this way it's less predictable where you’ll be certain hours of the day”

“He does make a good point” Ladybug said, mostly to herself, before nodding “I think it's a good idea”

“You heard her team,” Chat Noir turned to face the others “All for stopping daylight patrol?”

All of them nodded in agreement, the beginning of a long list of necessary changes in their lives.

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“My father is planning a press conference to talk about his ‘concerns’ with the lack of your appearances” Chloe rolled her eyes. A year ago, after the Heroes’ Day Disaster, she and Carapace had chosen to stand down while Rena was ultimately retired. She’d found out about Adrien when she went for a visit only for him to jump in through the window.

It was awkward between the two of them before they called for Ladybug.

She gave her neutral face of disappointment first before making a plan.

They were all aware that Lila must have been the one to start the disaster, being Volpina was the only explanation, as Ladybug confessed that Lila had a vendetta against her. Chloe also figured she must have been lying, something she had already suspected before, about being in another country considering Hawkmoth’s attacks only stayed in Paris.

Due to Chloe’s secret identity being out in the open they realized Hawkmoth wouldn’t be above targeting her family again. Thus Chloe became Ladybug’s spy.

Meanwhile in civilian life Nino was getting tired of Alya and Lila’s antics, especially the ones against his bros Adrien and Marinette. Well more against Marinette and more sexual harassment/getting together with Adrien. That’s not even touching on their newest content on the blog which was just criticizing the Miraculous Team for all their weaknesses and shortcomings, in the guise of offering “suggestions” on how to get better.

They thought it’d be good to have an inside man, someone who could warn them of anything Lila and Alya might come up to.

They were both the secret members of Team Miraculous.

“Holy shit are you serious?” Nino exclaimed in Chloe’s room. They’d all come in secretly and by different entries to meet up in case certain nosy classmates had spotted them.

“Yep, I may or may not have threatened my father with a lawsuit against his violation of child labor laws and me not receiving my paychecks” Adrien said excitedly.

Chat Noir had made an off-hand comment on how his father had tired him out with a packed work schedule. This resulted in prodding from the mother hen known as Nightwing asking for details which ended in Chat Noir confessing that he works for his father’s company, had been homeschooled most of his life and often had a packed schedule full of extracurriculars, including up to around 12-hour work days sometimes. Turns out with that brief information Oracle informed them that his father was violating child labor laws due to the fact that he had worked more than thirty five hours a week since he was fourteen.

“Holy shit” he’d say in awe at the moment “My father is rich though… who knows if this would even go through with his influence”

“No man is truly above the law” Nightwing had given him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, “But… is everything alright in your home life?”

“I- I shouldn’t say anything that reveals my identity… '' the usually chaotic boy said solemnly, his cat ears downcast.

“Chat Noir,” the group turned to Ladybug, the one who’d help introduce her team to the life of masks and magic “Your own safety is much more important than keeping your identity safe. We both know the kind of person your father is… I’d rather you have the best options possible to face this”

“How come you’re so fast to trust us?” Robin asked, surprised but keeping a stern face.

“You do realize that she has the coordinates to this place, right?” Viperion smirked “She’s known who you are for a while and never mentioned anything. We just expect you to return the courtesy”

“That seems about right” Red Robin sighed before taking off his mask, the others of the Bat Clan following suit. Team Miraculous gave Ladybug one last look before dropping their own transformations, some of them looking familiar to the Gothamites.

“Marcus is that you my boy?” Agent A, otherwise known as the family butler, Alfred Pennyworth made his way to MultiMouse who nodded shyly.

“I actually go by Marc now great-uncle Alfred”

“Wait what, Al has siblings?” Stephanie exclaimed, Jason was whispering for Tim to write it down in The Book.

“Yes, an older half-sister” he said with an impeccable raised brow “I would have never thought you’d follow after my footsteps Marc”

“I guess it does run in the family”

“Adrien Agreste! Like son of the fashion mongul Gabriel and late actress Emellie Grande de Venily?!” Stephanie exclaimed as soon as she focused on the blonde teen.

“Yep” was all he could find himself saying, taking comfort in Marinette’s presence next to him.

“Don’t worry Adrien,” the boy looked up to the slightly intimidating looming figure of Bruce Wayne “We’ll help you deal with your father”

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“Boys” Bruce had said as soon as he entered the living room, where the group had devolved into a video game competition. “Remember tomorrow is your monthly therapy session”

“Already?” Damian groaned, his brothers, with the exception of Dick, looking like they would rather not go.

“Timmy isn’t prepared to face his inner demons”

“And it seems Timmy hasn’t slept in some time again, hasn’t he?” Luka teased, continuing to run his hand through Tim’s hair, the boy practically purring in response.

“You have a therapist?” Marinette asked Bruce skeptically.

“We’ve all… gone through things growing up. Alfred made me realize that we were all in need of some help”

“And do you umm… talk about your nightly activities?”

“They’re trustworthy and confidential, yes”

“Do you think you could give me their information?”

That’s how Team Miraculous found themselves on the day after another akuma attack, in a private room within Wayne Tower, each waiting their turn to see the doctor.

“You’ve been through alot Luka” the teen was lying on his back, facing the ceiling as the psychologist who worked with Bruce talked. “Losing what you’ve come to accept as your family, watching your friends die, even though you knew you could change the outcome. Doing it over and over again in order to save the city… It's not something anyone could be expected to handle, let alone a child your age”

“I… I know Dr.Quinzel. But I can’t allow myself to feel guilty over everything or even get overly emotional. If Hawkmoth found out it’d be a disaster, especially because Marinette trusted me with the miraculous… the first for her to assign full time as the Guardian…. I can’t let her down” Luka gave her a lost look, one rarely seen on the charming boy before.

“Keeping all of that inside… It could fester up and explode if you’re not careful Luka”

“So you’re telling me that you are perfectly fine with how your life at home is going, Nathaniel? Even after everything we’ve discussed”

“Look I’ve tried telling my parents they were wrong but they just keep saying I’m confused, not to mention think my art is a joke… and maybe they’re right”

“Those are important parts to who you are. Saying that would be like considering yourself a mistake… Do you feel that way Nathaniel?”

“I…”

“I think I have pretty bad taste in girls, though my friends usually call me a himbo for not really thinking things through. Maybe I should think before acting more?”

“I’ve known I was going to become Bunnix ever since I was fourteen, it was always just a matter of when. So when I was finally called to action I was so excited but… I can’t help but wonder if I’m cut out for this”

“My mother has groomed and taught me to be perfect at all I do. It was something ingrained to me since I was a child; It wasn’t until recently that I learned that is impossible to achieve. Why was mother so pertained to me being it?”

“I know I’m the smart guy but I shouldn’t be expected to have all the answers, especially for my classmates who refuse to look at evidence as it is. Seriously, if I had known they would have taken my comment about how dangerous a napkin can be as pure fact then I would have not said anything that day”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m not enough for my grandmother. She’s getting older, she’s starting to forget a lot. I help by telling her things like stories but I’m not sure how long that will last… She’s the only family I have left in Paris, I don’t want to leave my friends or boyfriend behind”

“My father has always been a distant man but ever since my mother… I’m not sure if he even sees me as his son at this point. There are some days I’m treated as nothing more than a trophy boy or a regular employee. I wonder if this would have happened regardless of my mother’s passing”

“I am Ladybug, I am also the last Guardian. But I’m just a teenager! I have a life I want to live outside of Paris… I want to be a designer, start my own brand, find love and have my own family… But Hawkmoth is in the way of all that”

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“Are you sure about this LB?” Nino asked from the terrace of Chloe’s penthouse. They’d been talking strategy when an Akuma attacked, given the chaos displayed by the news via LadyBugOut livestream, they could only assume it was another Volpina attack.

Unfortunately Volpina had a Sentimonster to help, Reality Check. A glorified 3D printer who could temporarily make Volpina’s illusions tangible and real.

It had proven to be a difficult battle, especially since Luka and Adrien had been caught up as civilians and couldn’t help Ryuuko and Ladybug. The others still had to wait for Ladybug to give the signal before they’d consider going out to help in broad daylight lest their hidden cards be revealed too soon.

In the middle of the fight the two heroines had made a strategic retreat, one the Fox Tea blogger did not hesitate to call the coward’s way out. Suddenly the two appeared at Chloe’s along with Roter Fochs. The scarlet hero had taken out two familiar boxes with extremely familiar jewelry inside.

“I’m certain of it” she said with a determined smile, “Besides this could finally get Hawkmoth and maybe even Alya off your backs if I introduce new heroes; Of course your costumes will have to be different, as will your codenames, but I trust that you’ll know what to do”

“Hello my queen!”

“What’s up dude”

Paris was in uproar when they heard of the new heroes; Abeille and Anselm.

Abeille’s costume was much more armored than that of Queen Bee’s; the whole suit had a honey yellow bodysuit with black armor pieces, her chest piece in the shape of a bee’s face, black elbow length gloves with some honey stripes, thigh high black boots with honey kneepads. Her own mask was different from her former as it changed her eyes to royal blue like Pollen’s while being honey colored with black v shaped lines. The golden gauntlets on top of her gloves would be able to send out small shocks, capable of stunning enemies for small intervals at the time, nowhere near as potent as Venom.

Anselm’s own attire was not so different from Carapace; Anselm still kept the hoodie his predecessor did though beneath it is where the differences began. Anselm wore a pine green helmet, yellow tinted goggles on top of his red eyes, with pale thin daffodile lines going from the top to the bottom of his hood. The hoodie and his undersuit was sacramento green, bordering on black, though the majority of the suit was also armored with pine pieces like the hexagonal chest piece, shoulder, thigh, shin, knee and elbow pads. He also had much thicker gauntlets than Abeille’s along with armored gloves and reinforced sneakers.

Of course, Chloe Bourgeois and Nino Lahiffe were quickly off of the suspect list when the two were spotted separately looking for shelter amongst the Akuma attack during Fox Tea’s livestream.

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“So you’re part of the OG Team huh?” Stephanie asked as she gave a once over to the two newcomers.

“Deep undercover missions, you know how they go” Abeille scoffed, her honey blonde hair swaying along with her five black streaks around it.

“What she said. We couldn’t help as Queen Bee and Carapace anymore, compromised identities, so we helped as civilians before covering our tracks and coming back” Anselm tried to keep back Chloe’s prickly personality.

“Like what?” Cass’ appearance startled the two, though both looked like they were about to draw out their weapons.

“Well I get them intel from what’s happening in the mayor’s office that Max and Markov can’t get out from the computers, daddy is a bit of a pushover and squeals pretty easily”

“While I get intel from Fox Tea’s disastrous dude duo. I’m usually among the first to find out about anything their plotting… though I’ve had to drop that. It was getting too much for me to continue being with Alya so we broke up”

“So you kept dating Cesaire just to gather intel? Doesn’t that seem manipulative?” Duke asked from his seat on the monitor, the two Parisians looked at one another before beginning to laugh.

“Not compared to what those two are capable of”

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“Are you sure about this?”

Currently Viperion, Ladybug and Bunnix were on the Gotham rooftops, shadowing the Bats for the night. The three were honored to be trusted with the responsibility but still felt foreign in the much darker environment, literally and metaphorically.

“It’ll be a good experience” Oracle said in their ears, their comms being synced to those of the Bats “And you won’t be alone, I’ll be here and so will your partners”

Right on cue Robin, Red Robin and Black Bat landed on the same rooftop. The plan was for the six to cover the patrol for the night, the others would be getting rest or doing specialty training with their abilities. It was a surprise for the Miraculous gang when it was revealed that Signal and Red Hood would be joining them as fellow trainees. Alfred and Black Canary, a metahuman who often worked together with Green Arrow in Central City, would be in charge of the training while Bruce also oversaw their progress.

Honestly they hadn’t known what surprised them more: the fact that Batman had metas on his team or that he trusted other heroes with the training of his children.

“It should be a regular night; standard mugging, gang fights and possible robberies should be all that happen tonight”

Of course that was not what happened.

As it turned out Riddler had escaped Arkham, no surprise, and had gone too long without his medication. Edward Nygma was usually a pretty tame man, if a little eccentric with his love of riddles and his brilliant mind.

He decided to hold Gotham Grand Terminal hostage.

Ladybug was decidedly trying not to panic as she saw the very obvious bombs spread across different sections of the terminal. There were too many for them to deactivate in less than three minutes and there were probably more hidden around.

“Riddle me this; What is Joan of Arc made of ?” Ladybug and Robin were the first to arrive at the scene, Viperion and Red Robin being the closest to coming as back up. Robin seemed as confused as she felt but decided to really think about it…

This was so stupid.

“Maid of Orleans” the look Robin gave her, like she just made the most foolish decision of her life, was seen spread across the faces of hostages before Riddler began to laugh.

“Why you are correct, little red” he wiped a tear from his eye “Bats would never think of something so punny like that!”

“Yeah well I’ve had a lot of experience with annoying puns”

“What’s colorful, loud and is a mess to clean up?” Ladybug’s eyes widened as he pressed the big red button on the remote control, Robin bringing Ladybug down and shielding her as the hostages began to scream.

BOOM!

“...Confetti cannons” Ladybug muttered, her whole body covered in the colorful paper pieces with glitter in the mix.

That son of a bitch!

It was April 1st.

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“So what is it that we’ll be doing?” Bunnix asked as Black Bat silently leaped through the Gotham rooftops, camouflaging effortlessly with the shadows unlike her because of the white and baby blue costume she had on.

“You two will be checking up on Red Hood’s sector for the night, Crime Alley” Oracle’s voice responded for her.

“Right, so is this just a standard patrol?”

“Something like that”

Bunnix was admittedly a bit nervous about being with Black Bat, Cass didn’t really talk much and was kinda hot. Bunnix had just dutifully shadowed her, staying as quiet as she could even if she did more parkour than necessary, when they stumbled upon a drug deal. Bunnix was about to go down to smack some people around with her umbrella when Black Bat shook her head.

“One of Red Hood’s men, let’s wait to see the deal go through”

Bunnix wasn’t sure what to think as she watched the deal go down. Weren’t they supposed to be the ones to stop this from happening and not helping them? It was a bit confusing and against her moral code…

“We do this to keep the kids out of the involvement” Oracle seemed to read her mind, explaining their reasoning “Before Red Hood decided to get involved with drug trafficking Crime Alley was full of children who would be taken advantage of by dealers; whether it meant getting them addicted or becoming their messengers and delivery boys. He made it very clear to his ‘allies’ that no child from Crime Alley was getting involved in their plans again or else the deals were off. Those who tried going above him… well they’re no longer around to try and take him down”

Still that did not help ease Alix’s worries as the night continued on. Black Bat came to a sudden stop on top of a warehouse, gesturing for Bunnix to follow behind her, and climbing in through a shattered window. Inside were dozens of wooden crates, each with cameras pointed at them and only one with an open lid. Black Bat walked towards the open crate with ease, going inside and taking out three duffle bags from inside. She placed two on her, criss-crossing each other before handing the other one to a reluctant Bunnix.

The tow then headed to a hidden tunnel underneath one of the empty crates, making their way in a closed (?) Gotham sewer. It didn’t smell as disgusting as Alix imagined it would be, musky at best, though she thought that it may be due to the fact that there was no dirty sewage water there. They walked in relative ease, essentially walking for what had to be at least 15 minutes in numerous twists and turns before reaching a ladder. The two got out, Bunnix recognizing it as part of Crime Alley with how run down the area looked.

Black Bat knocked on a rusting steel door, three times, five, once and then a tap with her palm.

The door opened up, a boy no older than 12 being the ones to greet them.

“Where’s R.H?” he questioned, he looked disappointed but not alarmed, clearly he had met Black Bat before.

“Was busy. This is Bunnix, she’s helping for the night” The boy was clearly unimpressed with her but he closed the door and led them down the long hallway. She noticed the few scattered toys along the way, with some open doors showing mountains of writing supplies and even a little library.

What was this place?

“This is Red Hood’s sanctuary for the kids of Crime Alley” Black Bat whispered next to her “Batgirl and Red Hood are usually the ones to come here though all of us have come at some point.” they entered the large room showing children of all ages, some as young as infants and others looking close to early adulthood. They dropped the duffle bags in front of what she thought was the leader of the pack when Red Hood wasn’t around.

They were filled with non-perishable food, wads of money that will probably be used to provide for the group of 30 or even more for the next month, toys, books and some new clothes.

As the children gathered around, each a little dirtier than Alix remembered ever being as a child, lining up to get a new something that Red Hood got for them she couldn’t help but think;

… Maybe things were never so black and white.

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“I know it may seem frightening, even unnerving, to let go of your control but if you keep your powers bottled up it may prove to be disastrous in the future” Black Canary told the group of teens.

“With abilities bestowed to you like those of the Miraculous are left untrained then it may prove to lead to your downfall” Alfred nodded along to Dinah’s words.

“As capable as Ms.Lance and I are, we have realized that we would need further assistance to properly be able to train each of your abilities”

From one of the Batcave’s entrances they could hear the screech of tires before a slick black car parked next to the Batmobile and Hoodcycle.

“Sorry, we’re late” a red headed woman said as she stepped out of the car, her pale freckled skin slowly gaining a green tint to it as she removed her lab coat and glasses, “Selina here thought she could make a quick steal on our way here”

“Oh c’mon Pam, you know you love the rush as much as I do” a tanned woman laughed, twirling around a golden necklace with one of the biggest rubies they had ever seen in its center.

“Now, ladies; Pam-a-lamb has a class of powered kids to teach” they recognized Dr.Quinzel belatedly as she was missing her glasses and uniform. She was now wearing a much more colorful array of clothes with the consistent theme of red,black, and white. Her skin seemed paler than they remembered and her blonde hair had red tips on one side and blue on the other.

“Hey girls” Barbara came down the elevator at the same time as Stephanie and Cass, seemingly cutting their conversation when she saw the newcomers”

“Babs!” Dr.Quinzel exclaimed, making her way to the other girls after giving a quick kiss to the green skinned woman.

“Well you’re right on time Pam” Dinah sighed, cocking her hip before pointing at the newcomers “These are Dr.Pamela Isley otherwise known as the Gotham Rogue Poison Ivy, Selina Kyle a more vigilante type thief Catwoman, and, of course, you know Dr.Harleen Quinzel or as she prefers to go by Harley Quinn”

“Hey kittens” Selina waved at the group “By the way it's been too long since we girls have hung out; how’s about a Birds of Prey raid? You in?”

“Only if Oracle agrees”

“Oh pleasepleasepleaseplease!” Stephanie and Harley’s persistent pleading could be heard immediately afterwards. A polite cough interrupted the chaos.

“As enthusiastic as you ladies are for your plans, may I remind you that we have prior plans to care for first. Namely the training”

“Sorry Alfie” Harley said, chastised, “We’ll get out of your hair. C’mon ladies!”

“...So training?” Marc asked

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“What happened to you?” was the first thing Kim laughed out as the duo stepped into the cave, leaving a trail of confetti and glitter behind. Marinette looked back at her team, unimpressed, in their own state of disarray.

Chloe, Max, Marc and Nathaniel seemed to be nursing their own cases of migraines; most likely having pushed the limits of their own new abilities which relied on mental fortitude. Chloe and Jason’s powers were the most similar to Alfred’s which involved manipulating and projecting thoughts and ideas to the people around them or to specific targets. Nathaniel was developing the power to create illusions that only his target would be allowed to see. Marc could create intangible clones of himself but could still project what they were seeing and hearing to him. Max could teleport objects a few meters away from or towards him.

Kagami, Kim, Adrien and Nino seemed the most physically exhausted. Kagami was beginning to have slight control of fire, wind and water but not yet conjuring it; given her slight burn marks, wet clothes and messy hair Marinette would guess that she still hadn’t fully grasped the manipulation aspect outside of being Ryuuko. Kim’s own face was dirty and slightly bruised and matched that of Adrien’s. Kim had begun to use his chaotic energy to make the wackiest things happen but to have the outcome he wanted while Adrien could suck the luck out of people for small intervals lest he want to have the misfortune backlash cling on him. Nino’s was more tame though he now had to focus on two things since he could now use his energy to both heal and to create a shield that encompased his body like armor.

“Oh god you guys look like messes!” Alix laughed along with Luka, the only two that looked fine as they had a fairly tame patrol with Cass and Tim.

“Next time I see Riddler remind me to throw a glitter bomb” Marinette grumbled as she made her way to the showers.

“Not before I stab him with his stupid cane” Damian growled heading for the male showers.

“So how long till Daminette guys?” Adrien asked

“Definitely before the end of the year” Duke concluded, the others not being sure if he used his power or not.

“I’ll take you up on that. I’ll bet we make more money than with Red Scales” Stephanie laughed.

“Red Scales?” Luka asked curiously before the others yelled out.

“Nothing!”

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“Okay how come no one warned me about that!” Jason yelled as he came out of the Cave’s entrance. The group either gave questioning or amused looks.

“Oh, so you saw that too?” Alix asked, perched from one of the sofa’s armrests.

“You assholes could have given me a heads up” he complained before groaning into a sofa “God, someone get me some bleach”

“What’s Jaybird talking about?” Dick asked, coming in from the kitchen with an array of snacks for the rowdy bunch of teeneagers.

“Oh just Timbers getting some with the big bad snake boi” Stephanie sang, causing Jason to groan and Dick to choke on his own spit.

“More like trying to eat each other’s tongue out” Nathaniel responded in disgust.

“Timmy, no!” were the words the oldest yelled out before heading into the Batcave in record time.

“Anyway,” Stephanie began “It’s time to pay up bitches. Marinette and Cass get the loot”

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“Hmm, so I guess that’s what fresh blood splatters looks like” Chat Noir said in morbid interest.

“Well it's certainly more noticeable than dried blood” Viperion nodded along, watching as Red Robin and Red Hood carried out the interrogation from a one-way mirror. There was a new gang who specialized in child trafficking, most of the kids coming from Crime Alley and therefore not getting reported to the police; luckily they had Red Hood looking out for them.

“Yes, well we are here to see how they carry out their investigation and get used to all the squeamish things” Ladybug gave a calculated look, as though she herself were in there and what she would do to get the information out of the man they captured earlier that night.

“Do you guys think this sort of thing is going too far?” MultiMouse asked curiously, he was beginning to grow a bit uncomfortable with the amount of blood the man had begun to lose.

“I mean this asshole deserves it” Roter Fochs glared “I don’t think it's too much if it means saving all those kids”

“Standing on the edge of what is seen as a hero𑁋”

BANG

“Let’s you see all the things you can’t from the center” Ryuuko watched as the man was forcibly being held back up by Red Robin after Red Hood slammed his face on the interrogation table.

“World is not black and white” Black Bat spoke from next to them “Many shades of gray in between; We are in the gray”

Ko-Fi

248 notes · View notes

calypsoff · 4 years ago

Text

Fifty Six.

Life is so weird; I feel very weird. I sometimes sit here and think oh my god I am pregnant, I can’t believe at the age of twenty six I am going to be a mother. I’ve always wanted to be a young mother, but I wouldn’t have done it without the right man and Chris is that, he is the love of my life and I feel safe with him, I want a family with him. I am ready for that, but it’s so surreal and my excitement to be a mother, I just can’t wait. I want to hold my baby in my arms already, I feel so complete. I don’t feel drained today, I am very much lively, but I need to be, we are going home finally. I rushed through that last Puma meeting and told them it’s time for me to go home, everything else can be done on Skype and they know it. It’s time for me to rest and get ready to be a mother, spend time with Chris and enjoy this, I want to spend time with Chris. That is my major goal, I want to be involved in his business, I want him to know I care about him and care about what he does. My mother actually mentioned it to me, she said why am I still in London what about your husband, why aren’t you there for him. It’s unfair, I need to spend time with him, and I get where she is coming from and that is what I am going to do when I get back, help him progress in his business. Enough of me, it’s about him. It still makes me smile that he came here for me, I could just tell as much as I missed him he missed me and I love that about him, even though he can be stupid at times. I am so happy, even though he continues to undress me. That reminds me, sex needs to happen but like I find it so weird I don’t know, it needs to happen either way “I packed my suitcase, I come to help you now” I cooed out “you’re adorable, thank you. My feet hurt” I whined, with an added drama with that “then you rest, I can do it” he’s going to throw my clothes in the suitcase, I just know him “are you going to nicely put them in?” I questioned “I can, I can fold?” Nodding my head slowly, I guess I will try and trust him.

Chris is terrible, honestly he threw my things in the suitcase like it was nothing, but I just really couldn’t be bothered to say no to him, he offered so I let him do it, I don’t want to whine too much at him either about it “excited to go back home” walking behind him “mhmm yeah, with you yes. I am glad that we can finally just be a family. It sucks not having you around you know?” Poking my lips out “I know, well you got me now. I will be annoying you lots” grabbing his tee and pulling him back but he’s too strong for me as always “I’ll let you pull me back, what is it” he turned to me “nothing, I just can’t wait to annoy you so much. You’re going to hate me now I’m home” Chris placed his arm around my shoulder “you will never annoy me, I love you too much” I know he does “I just can’t believe that you’re actually pregnant, it’s weird to see you like this. When I see you come out of bed, when you’re just walking around in your own world I am sat there like, wow. This is really us, we are married and having a baby, wild isn’t it?” Chris is having a moment clearly “I know, at first I didn’t have that feeling of wanting to be a mother. I was just thinking of my career then you came into my life and all of a sudden I wanted to settle down, oh yeah. Let me wear your jacket, it is big. I don’t want anyone taking pictures of my bump, you never know at the airport, they love doing random checks. I haven’t said a word about this, so the world is on edge about me” I am going to be wearing baggy clothes for a while now.

I ended up wanting food, I was hungry, so they stopped at McDonald’s drive thru, I mean we didn’t need too but I wanted it. I am craving their fries for some reason “if this line doesn’t hurry up I am going to scream” I huffed out “girl relax, you have us in this queue for fries, the fuck. You’re lucky we are early” Mel is judging me “whatever, I want them now. Hey, Chris. Have you seen my lock screen picture?” turning my phone to him, he looked over at me. More like dragging his head away from his phone “you like it, don’t I look good though? I look sexy, say it? I am saying it my damn self. Marriage looks good on me” side eyeing Chris, Dennis takes good pictures. He looks so sexy, I had to use it on my lock screen “I was thinking” looking over at Chris, he is so deep in his phone “oi!?” I spat “what?” who is he saying what too “I am sorry, yes?” he is annoyed “what is wrong? Did I do something wrong?” he shook his head “no, just my ex annoying me, here you can read it” he passed me his phone “I have nothing to hide from you Robyn, I promise you” taking his phone “scroll to the top, she has a new number” I was about to ask but he answered me.

Seiko: Married for love or money!???

Chris: Who is this?

Seiko: The ex you left for that bitch! You loved me Chris, you said it with your own mouth! Everything you promised me you did it for her!!!! YOU NEVER WANTED KIDS!

Chris: Delete my number you fucked my friend and had his kid, we squashed this beef Seiko, FOH!

Seiko: Until I see you on the front page of Vogue!? And pregnant too, you liar. You was fucking her and me at the same time, you know what I will be talking! Idc!!!!

Chris: And say what?

Seiko: I have kept your old messages the love you ones asshole, every memory I have kept. I have your dick picture too

Chris: I have a big dick I don’t really care, leave me alone. Leak whatever you want. I love Robyn, you was just … there?

The conversation ended from there “are you kidding me?” What the fuck riled this bitch back up for what!? Block her and ignore her, I have already got this bitch a gag order and she needs to stop before her son and her go hungry. I am not having it, she leaks your shit Chris you tell TJ find a job, I am not feeding his family” I spat, I mean every word too “that is harsh” Chris mumbled “harsh!? She is fucking with my family, so I will fuck with hers. Ok? And why is this bitch texting you, god. I fucking hate women, listen. Block her, if she does leak a thing. You fire TJ and you can say it’s with love from me, no! I am not feeding her son and she talks shit, she will fucking learn” throwing Chris’ phone onto his lap “lioness” Mel said laughing “Chris has a whole team now, he doesn’t need them anyways. That has really annoyed me, trash just in his life. Chris, you can call me harsh, but I am right. You have a team so why is your friends hanging on your balls?” let me calm down “don’t be in my business Robyn ok? Just leave me and mines, she won’t leak shit. I am saying it nicely, stop” pulling a face at him, he is stupid.

Chris and his love for his friends is deep, he won’t speak to me now on the jet. He is sleeping so it’s whatever, what can I say but it angers me. The bitch really thinks she has a hold over us like that, I will kill her if she posts anything about Chris “she doesn’t know I am crazy, I will go there and I will fucking beat her ass, yes Mel I am still on it. I am on it still because how dare she do that, what gave her the right to threaten him. And then you see how he said leave me and mines, those friends were barely there when I was taking care of him, he has a new team. You tell me now Mel, why do people get a new team?” I questioned “when niggas don’t know how to act but let’s keep Barry out of it, my nigga needs a job” I chuckled “well if he gets in my way I will, Tina! Come here” I spat, she text me that she has news but can’t walk her ass over here “I am tired Rihanna” she said in a huff “well why text you have news, spill” Tina dragged her feet over to me “you have some Nominations” letting out an oh “oh really, please do tell” Tina sat next to Mel “Grammy nomination for Best urban contemporary album and best pop/group performance” clapped my hands “woo! I will take that, I am happy with that” I always do like a Grammy “time for you to do a thank you post” rolling my eyes “you are my assistant not my social media manager” Tina is annoying “I am helping you here, shall I just write a little thank you” nodding my head, I can’t be bothered with that.

Landing in LAX is a good feeling, I will be here for the foreseeable time now anyways, I guess I better kiss the jet bye “thank you” Rich took my bag from me, Chris rushed to the SUV. He has a face on with me because I said what I said, I don’t regret any of it. What I said was true, I am not feeding that bitch when she is doing that. Looking down at the caller I.D, my mother is calling. Answering the call as I got into the SUV “hello mother” Rich closed the door behind “how are you? Are you feeling less fatigue now, I worry about you, so please tell me how you are” I cooed out “I feel better mom, weird enough I feel less fatigue, more energy anyways. I feel like I am ready to do a whole performance” I joked “no, you just rest now. Are you home now?” my mother questioned “I am, just got off the jet. You worry too much, do not worry. I promise you that I am doing what you said” I will just say that because she keeps going on “good, just too much distance, too long. He was unwell for a while and he has therapy and you’re where? London, no. You stay with him now and you take care of him, you are a wife first now Robyn” rolling my eyes “mother I get it please, my life isn’t over” she is so old school “you have a husband and child Robyn, independent woman can wait” I chuckled “ok mom, I love you I need to go” time for me to go “you call me later, I mean it” I breathed out “ok mom, bye” disconnecting the call, she is terrible sometimes.

Chris is really quiet with me over his friends and it’s not even funny anymore “you should have sat in the back if you was going to be this quiet with me” I said to him “you just do too much sometimes, I am not that kind of guy to just tell my friends to go with no money, they was there for me” frowning at him “Chris, they are your friends I get it but she is coming at my family. She is threatening to expose you, what are you going to do? Just sit here and take it, is that it? I will come for her family like she is coming for mine, if that means TJ is getting it in the neck then it means it, your loyalty should should be with me Chris remember that” shaking my head at him “Robyn, I promise you now my loyalty to you is higher then what you think, I would drop them. Trust me, I have a lot on my mind right, I don’t like that I may need to get rid of them, ok sorry I snapped but I just have a lot on my mind” he finally can speak “say that to me instead of being quiet with me, no need to apologise I just rather you speak to me. I got angered that she is coming at you like that, I don’t want to argue with you so let’s just get on. Now that I am home, see what I said now that I am here” Robyn chuckled “you want to go back now?” I knew he would say that.

I haven’t really spent any time in this home, what is one night. So I am finally home, this is our home “what is it like now? Being in this home, do you like it?” this home is more Chris then me, I wanted the one with the fountain, much more extravagant but I rather he be comfortable “I love it, I was ok to stay here. The guy that did the security system was amazing, he showed me all the new gadgets. The bed is nice but I do like it, I am sure you will too. There is boxes around though, these are your things, also mine. I don’t know what is my part of the closet and yours, we still have things to do together” he is right we actually do “oh yeah-”I was about to tell him I got nominated for two Grammys but my phone started to ring, Jay Brown of course. Answering the call “hello, I am back in LA by the way” I mentioned “good but I just wanted to say congratulations! Two nominations, I am super happy for you but I do need to speak to you on something” here we go “I am listening and thank you” I added “Grammys, they have asked for you to perform. They want you to perform Stay and also to include you for the Bob Marley tribute, they have reached out to you. I said I will speak to her, it is down to what she would like to do” I groaned out “you know what, that tribute would come up when I am pregnant. I am not sure, by then I will be what six months or maybe five then. Then again it’s nothing big in regards to performance, I will think on it. I will discuss and get back to you” that is the best I can do “and I take that, speak soon” he disconnected the call “I just seen your post, baby. I am happy for you, congratulations” Chris has seen it “thank you poppa” locking my phone, turning in the seat “they want me to perform, I said I will thin on it but I really would like input. I am on the borderline, yes and no. Hide or don’t hide” I am stuck between those things, I want to do it, but I don’t want to do it.

Chris turned his phone to me “what is this?” squinting my eyes “I put you in my page, read what I wrote” seeing the picture first, tilting my head to the side “what was I doing there? Was I laying my head on your lap, I look so peaceful” I chuckled, he really took a picture of me just in my zone watching TV “ok sorry, I am so proud of you Robyn. I treasure every waking moment with you but to see how much you work hard for everything, to see you being awarded for it. You do deserve it baby, two nominations” I cooed out “thank you so much Chris, you think I work hard?” I raised an eyebrow “yeah, on a real. To begin with, I just was like she’s a singer. She can’t be busy; she tours and that is it. But sitting with you and being with you, you work hard, and you’re so hands on with it. But I miss you, I think I can learn from you though. Work hard and then you get to play hard, but I just miss you a lot, I miss you being there for me” nodding my head understanding “I get it and I am here now am I not? You got me now but what should I do about this performance, you tell me? I always like your advice anyways” Chris pulled a face not believing that I do “erm, I would. I don’t know, do it in Rihanna style, you want to do things your way, so I don’t know. Maybe you should go to the Grammys and without any warning, they see you’re pregnant and the day will be about you” I like the sound of that “you maybe right” I think that is good.

I breathed out seeing the bedroom, Chris never mentioned that he left the house as it was so the bed covers are just like he left them, slept in “bed is nice isn’t it?” he says this but doesn’t see the mess he left it in “yeah, about that. What happened? And the bathroom, you just left it. I can imagine the rooms are a mess” Chris shrugged “I hate clothes being on the floor Chris pick it up” he always does it, Chris wrapped his arms around my shoulder “I really want sex Robyn” he wants sex and he shows me a mess of a room “and I said soon, to turn me on it would be nice if the bedroom was spotless. The clothes, I thought we had a cleaner come out every week?” I am confused “she does but she didn’t come before I left and I told her nobody would be home so don’t come” men are a mess “fine, but I don’t feel horny Chris. Pick your clothes up, I seen your clothes in the corner of the bathroom too when exactly did the cleaner come?” how can he make this much mess “so she came and then we made the mess again and I told her to not come because I was away” he really expects me to feel horny, he is funny “I have the scan tomorrow you know, I changed the appointment, maybe if you help me clean then tomorrow we can you know” I will bribe him.

#chrianna ff #chrianna fanfiction #fanfiction #chriannaff #fanfic #chrianna

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weaselbeaselpants · 4 years ago

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That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore.

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

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I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?”

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

#tw: nazi #tw: neonazi #tw: swastika #tw: antisemitism #cultural appropriation #kimba the white lion #thiscrispykat #altright #classic spyro #My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic #balto #animals of farthing wood

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heyyouwiththeassbutt · 5 years ago

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The Christmas Gift (Part 1)

Summary - Christmas with your super-soldier friends had become a tradition. Until one of them can't make it and everything changes, thanks to an early Christmas present. Part 1 of 2.

Pairing - Steve Roger x Reader

Warning - Major smut in future chapter and just a little bit in this chapter. Dubious consent (kinda sorta sex pollen??). Cursing. If I’ve missed anything, please let me know!

Word Count - 3,536

A/N - Part one of my two-part Christmas fic challenge. All mistakes are my own. Feedback is greatly needed and appreciated.

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December 24th, 2019

10:21

"This had better be important." You huffed out, the grave tone of your voice more than a hint that you had been deep in sleep before your phone had begun to ring. The laugh on the other end of the phone had been far too bright and airy for this early in the morning. "Just calling to let you know I've landed, Doll. Grabbing a cab and should be there within half an hour." Steve's words bounced around your head for a few seconds before you sighed and pushed yourself into an upright position on your far too comfortable bed. For the last four years, you had welcomed the famous Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes into your home for Christmas. It had been an offhanded comment about how you spent Christmas by yourself since you couldn't get the time off work to travel home to your folks, but you were more than happy when you opened your front door that first Christmas Eve to see your two closest friends, arms filled with bags of Christmas food and gifts. You were a lowly techie within the Stark tower, but after crossing paths with the boys only a few times, they'd taken you under their wings and your friendship with them became one of the most important things in your life. Throwing on a t-shirt and a pair of comfy shorts, you listened as Steve told you about their most recent mission, how he had worried it was going to last over the Christmas period, and how Sam had threatened to murder Bucky twice, just for being Bucky. "I'll talk to him when you get here, he needs to learn how to talk to Sam like a regular human." You laughed softly as you left your room and headed for the kitchen to throw on a pot of coffee. Silence greeted you at the end of the line. "Stevie? Have I lost you?" "No... I'm still here. Did Buck not tell you?" "Tell me what?" "He's, ah, he's not coming this year."

10:59 Steve was leaning against your kitchen counter, sipping on a cup of coffee as you angrily paced back and forth. It wasn't even that he wasn't coming that had bothered you, it was that he hadn't even told you. "It's just downright rude. I bought a turkey! And that bread sauce he likes!" You groaned out, sitting at the kitchen island, a pout on your lips. Steve nodded, a small smile on his face as he looked up from his coffee cup, "If it makes you feel better, I like bread sauce too." You rolled your eyes, but a smile settled on your face. At least Steve was still there. You'd make sure to text Bucky your annoyance later, but for now, you focused on the fact your friend was here for the first time in months. Things had been crazy for a long time, between Steve and Buckys missions and the new project Tony had you working on, you'd missed far too many of your usual catch-up coffees and late-night movie marathons with your friends. It was almost a sense of relief that flooded you at having your friend back. You hopped down from the chair and walked over to him, a grin on your face, "What ya get me for Christmas?" Steves smile faded and he shook his head, pointing a finger at you accusingly, "No. You do this every year, I'm keeping it a secret until tomorrow." Your pout returned as you wrapped your arms around his waist, his large hand resting on your hip and your chin resting on his chest, looking up at him through your lashes, "Please Stevie? You know I hate waiting..." There was a long pause where neither of you spoke, just looking at each other. Steve stood still, one hand clutching the coffee cup, the other frozen on your hip. You peered up at him questioningly before he seemed to pull himself out of whatever he had been thinking of and cleared his throat, removing his hand from you and setting down the coffee cup. He moved out of your reach as he muttered that he needed the bathroom, vanishing down the hallway. You stared after him. That was new.

14:33 Elf was playing on the TV as you and Steve relaxed on the couch, him laying halfway across it as you lay with your legs across his. This morning's weirdness had faded, but it still stuck in your mind. You had always been affectionate with the boys, and them you. It wouldn't have been unusual to find the three of you cuddling in your bed after they failed to get you out of bed on one of their visits, you pulling them down onto the comfy mattress until you all found yourselves drifting back to sleep. It had become normal for you to hug each other for extended periods after a long, stressful day when you just needed the touch of another person. Steves odd behavior this morning had confused you. It probably didn't seem that strange to anyone else, but you couldn't get past the knowledge that if you'd done the same thing when Bucky was there, Steve would have probably grabbed you into a hug, trapping your arms as Bucky snuck up behind you, tickling you until you were squealing and relenting that your gift could stay a surprise. You had missed most of the movie as your brain worked a mile a minute. Maybe Bucky was the reason it had been weird. Steve was a gentleman. It was possible he didn't think it right to be showing you that effection when the two of you were alone. Come to think of it, you couldn't really remember a time when you and Steve had spent much time together alone. A small squeeze on your ankle brought you back to the present, your gaze shot to Steve as you blinked slowly. He was watching you with a smile on his face, "I asked if you wanted lunch, Doll." You hadn't realized how hungry you were until he said it, having only had a slice of buttered toast this morning. "Food sounds good, I have lasagne in the fridge, made it special." You grinned as you swung your legs off the couch and made your way to the kitchen. Steve paused the movie and followed you, him lifting plates out of the cupboard as you switched on the oven to reheat the food. You fell into your familiar pattern, talking about nothing in particular as you grated extra cheese for the top of the lasagna and Steve started on the salad. By the time the oven had pre-heated and the dish was in, you were in the middle of a light-hearted debate about why Bucky had canceled on your Christmas tradition. It reminded you that you still hadn't texted him and you grabbed your phone from where you had abandoned it on the kitchen counter earlier. You lent over the counter, your elbows braced on it as you began to type a seething text message. You were vaguely aware that Steve stood behind you, reading over your shoulder as you crafted your message. Hello Bucky, if that even is your real name. I don't feel that I even know you anymore. Not only did you not let me know you wouldn't be coming this year, but you also didn't tell Stevie that you hadn't told me. I'm not mad, Bucky. I'm just disappointed. P.S. Steve is utterly devastated to be without you, and has a notion that you have in fact canceled as you are so in love with him that you cannot stand to be with him another holiday without letting your true feelings be known, but it is fine, as we all know you wanna fuc- Steve grabbed the phone from your hands as you dissolved into giggles. He held you tight by the waist as he began to delete the message, you struggling in his arms as you attempt to reach for the phone. "Don't delete it, please, it's my masterpiece! He needs to know, Stevie!" You were still laughing as you struggled against him, your back pressed tightly to his body as he held the phone out of your reach, a grin on his face. He deleted the message and looked down at you, redness on your cheeks from your fit of laughter and the strain of attempting to free yourself from his grip. He froze again. You almost tumbled to the ground as he released you, turning to check on the lasagna and leaving you unsteady on your feet as you stared at his back.

19:12 Your phone buzzed as you received a text. As per your tradition, you were mid-way through putting the last of the decorations on the tree. Your tree had been up from the 15th, but you had only put the lights on, leaving the decorations until you were all together. "Could you see who that is?" You called over to Steve, who stood by the fireplace, fastening the golden tinsel to the mantel. He lifted your phone from the table in front of him and laughed softly before he read it aloud, "Sorry to miss Christmas, babe, duty calls. Steve has a present from me in his bag, you can open it whenever you want. Love, Buck." You rolled your eyes, then jumped up and rushed over to Steve, your eyes bright, "So I do get to find out what my present is?" Steve shrugged as he headed towards the hallway where he'd left his things, "I didn't know he'd put anything in my bag." "Some super-soldier you are." You joked as you followed after him. After a few minutes of Steve looking through his bags, he pulls out a small, box. He hands it over to you and you smile smugly before the smile fades and you bite your lip. "What if its a trick and he's going to shout at me for opening it before Christmas?" "I won't tell if you won't." Steve laughed, his eyes on the present, as curious as you are. You shrug and pull open the lid, pausing as you look at the sachet inside, labeled in Buckys' handwriting, 'Super special hot chocolate for my super special best friends'. You laughed softly and showed Steve what was inside the box. He lifts it out, an eyebrow raised as he reads it. He lifts out a second sachet that you hadn't seen, this one filled with mini marshmallows. The three of you always had hot chocolate on Christmas Eve, but you did find it slightly odd that this was what he'd given you. Shaking off the strange feeling, you put the sachets in the kitchen, sending off a quick thank you message along with a few confused emojis to Bucky before you went back to decorating the tree.

22:35 Throwing the empty Chinese takeaway containers into the trash, you stretched your hands above your head, your back making a satisfying cracking noise after several hours of laying awkwardly on the couch watching movies with Steve. Your gaze fell on the sachets on the kitchen counter and you smiled softly. "Wanna see if this hot chocolate is poisoned?" You called to Steve as you pulled the milk and whipped cream from the fridge. He answered in an affirmative grunt which made you laugh. You were pretty sure your laziness was rubbing off on him. Three minutes later, you handed him his mug, adorned with whipped cream, marshmallows and a drizzle of chocolate sauce you'd remembered at the last second. He smiled up at you as he took it, settling his free hand on your lower leg as you once again stretched your legs across his. Falling into a comfortable silence, you took a drink of the hot chocolate and went back to watching whatever movie Steve had put on.

23:07 You felt weird. It wasn't a bad feeling, just... strange. Peering down at your empty mug, you couldn't stop a hint of worry from creeping into your mind. The thought wouldn't leave you as you tried your hardest to focus on the movie. It only lasted a few minutes, before you couldn't stand it and leaned over to the coffee table and lifting your phone. Quickly tapping to call Bucky, you became aware of Steve's hand running gently up and down your bare leg. "Opened your present yet?" Bucky's voice in your ear pulled you back from a sudden, wandering thought that had thrown your mind into overdrive. Clearing your throat, you tried to keep your tone even, "Yeah, we just drank it... Thank you. So, um, what made it so 'Super Special'?" Steve made eye contact with you as Bucky laughed. You knew from how close he was, Steve would have been able to hear him even without his super hearing. "Just a little something I picked up on a mission. Did you like it?" "It was nice. What kind of something?" The hand Steve was running up and down your leg was extremely distracting, so much so that you had to ask Bucky to repeat what he'd said. He laughed again and you could hear the smirk in his voice, "You'll find out soon enough, Babe. Happy Christmas." Just like that, the line went dead and you found yourself staring at the darkened screen. You looked at Steve and shrugged, setting your phone back on the coffee table as you tried to put your attention back to the television. His hand was warm on your lower thigh as Steve turned his gaze back to the movie. You felt him shift slightly, straightening a little bit as his other hand came to one of your socked feet, gently massaging the sole of your foot. Steve had given you a foot rub before. It had been nice, relaxing. This time felt less relaxing and you felt your cheeks heat up as his thumb dragged gently across the skin of your thigh. You stayed that way for a few minutes, almost stuck still as your eyes wandered to his hand. Trying to keep your breath even, you made eye contact with him. His gaze was searing, the blue of his eyes almost hidden by the deep black of his pupils. Within seconds, he had pulled you onto him, straddling his thick thighs as your breath caught in your throat. You wondered as he looked up at you if your pupils were as blown as his. You didn't have much time to think about it as his hand went to the back of your neck, pulling you down into a searing kiss. Body pressed tightly against his, your hands landed on his shoulders, pulling him somehow even closer. His hand on your neck gripped tighter as his other arm wrapped around your waist, keeping you in place. The kiss deepened, your body alight as his tongue brushed across your lips, seeking permission. You weren't ashamed to say you moaned as you allowed him access, your tounges battling for dominance and if it didn't feel so good, you might have relented to him. You ground yourself down on him, your body working of its own accord as he let out a hiss, breaking the kiss and dropping his head to pant across your throat, dropping kisses and sucking on the skin there as he did. Small gasps left your lips as you continued to grind against him. He was hard and ready pressed against your core through his jeans and your shorts. You whimpered as he pulled away from your neck, annoyance on your face as his hand on your waist gripped you harder, stilling your movements. Guilt washed across his face as his forehead lent against yours, his eyes still blown black and his lips swollen from your kiss. Leaning in to catch those full lips again, he made a noise deep in his throat as he kissed you back, softer than the first time. It was over too quickly as he pulled away, "Stevie, please." You could hear the whine in your voice as you begged. You peppered kisses across his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, all while he stayed silent, his eyes closed tightly as he seemed to be having an internal battle with himself. His hand came up to your cheek, pushing you just far enough away that he could look into your eyes. "You don't want this, Doll. Bucky put something in the hot chocolate. You aren't... We aren't ourselves right now." The words wouldn't register in your brain. You didn't understand. Your gaze dropped to his chest as you bit your lip. "Do you not want me, Steve?" He growled again, low and frustrated, "You know I do. I want you so badly. But you aren't thinking straight." "I am thinking straight, I want you," you argued, tears threatening to spill onto your cheeks as you were met with a furious wave of rejection, "I'll be so good for you, Steve, I promise." Steve's hand on your waist tightened as he threw his head back, looking to the ceiling and blowing out a long breath. You could tell he was fighting his want, and you used it to your advantage and you rolled your hips on him again. All at once, you were lifted off of him and set on the sofa as Steve stood. Steve was pacing across the room, his hands running through his blonde hair as his t-shirt lifted just enough to catch a glimpse of the deep V of his stomach. Your mouth watered, even more so when you saw the pronounced bulge in his jeans. Staying silent, you sat there, watching him, waiting for him to make up your mind, but there was a voice in your head telling you how much you needed him that was quickly taking over all other thought. Stilling, Steve looked at you as he pulled his mobile from the back pocket of his jeans. You didn't need to see the screen to know who he was dialing as he lifted the phone to his ear.

23:49 Steve had been out of the room for at least 10 minutes, and you were fighting the overwhelming desire to seek him out.

You sat on the couch, your kneeling with your feet under you as you had been when he left, you hadn't moved an inch.

The ache between your legs was more than uncomfortable and you knew if he didn't come back soon there was a very real possibility that he'd come back to you with your fingers rubbing at your swollen clit.

As your will power was starting to fade even more so, he marched into the room, his face unreadable as he stopped not even a foot in front of you.

You longed to reach out and touch him but he held a hand out to stop you as if he could read your thoughts.

"I spoke to Bucky." You nod in understanding, focused on the curve of his plush lips.

"He said that it's temporary, it'll be gone by morning." He continued. "What does it do?" Your voice shook slightly as Steve stood above you. So close, but you knew if you reached out he wouldn't let you touch him. An exasperated sigh left him as he ran his hand through his hair, "It doesn't matter. He's not even 100% certain."

Tilting your head, you read the lie on his face. You'd gotten good at telling when Steve was lying, having learned his tell after many evenings of Poker with your boys. He looked down at you and knew he was caught, your eyebrow raised as you said nothing, but continued to stare him down. "He said... It was a desire thing. Unlocks... something or allows something. It was hard to focus on what he was saying." Looking at the bulge still prominent in his jeans in front of you, you fought the urge to smirk. Yeah, you were sure it was hard. "Is that enough proof?" You said slowly, now pulling yourself up to stand in the small space in front of him. He made no attempt to move back and for the first time, you thought about how he must be feeling the same way that you did. But he had stopped it. What a gentleman. "Proof?" He swallowed. "If it... unlocks or allows... something... It has to be something you feel already, right? Is that not enough proof I desire you, Stevie?" The resolve on his face was slowly dissolving as he looked down at you. "I want you, Stevie. Please." Just like that, his hands were on your ass as he lifted you into his arms, your arms and legs wrapping around him as you crashed your lips to each others. You were vaguely aware Steve was walking, the two of you somewhere, but you honestly didn't care where so long as his lips stayed on yours.

#Steve rogers/ reader #steve rogers x reader #captain america/reader #captain america x reader #smut #steve rogers fic #steve rogers reader insert #Steve rogers reader #marvel #steve rogers/you #steve rogers x you #steve rogers smut #steve rogers reader smut

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disaster-fruit · 5 years ago

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@portu-cale I had to delete the post with your ask bc it was huge and for some reason the “read more” wasnt working!

portu-cale-main asked:

“could you expand on pindorama? and maybe her relationship with brazil? i’m really intrigued by the character :o (but only if you want to ofc!!)”

alrightt, I’m gonna admit I’ve been VERY reluctant about taking about pindorama, for a few reasons, but mostly because it’s really hard to find trustworthy information that isn’t playing into the colonialist narrative that is still very present in our national identity as a whole (if you read a little abt indianismo…. That shit is still very present). And when it’s not that, is all very vague and talking about ~the natives~ as if they were just one big homogeneous group with not much of their own history.

I also don’t want to go too deep into to anything too dark or “angsty”, not to ignore those ugly parts of our history, but because I feel it would be very disrespectful to make those tragedies (which are still being carried out by our government) the center of any hetalia discussion. And well, I might fuck up and end up playing into everything I’m trying to avoid, and if this is in anyway offensive, just let me know and I’ll delete this post and go further educate myself.

This is also gonna be an even longer post than usual (its 3 pages long...), since it’s gonna need a lot of historical explanation even for my fellow Brazilians.

My main source here is chapter 6 of the book “1499: O Brasil Antes de Cabral”, by Reinaldo José Lopes.

Ok, let’s talk about the lady.

First things first, she old. She’s at least 3000 years old, probably older! She grew up in southwest Amazon (around modern Rondônia) with her nine siblings, and while some of them remained there, others started to expand their territories through the forest. All of them also had plenty of children. The way I see it, since there was no sort of political unity between the different tupi tribes, each had their own tan and were the children of ones like Pindorama and her siblings, that represented many different groups that, though politically separated, had strong cultural and linguistic similarities. It’s kinda like I see Mama Greece existing while Sparta, Athens and all those Ancient Greek cities existed too, but in a much larger scale. So Pindorama represents what would eventually be all the tupi and tupi-guarani groups in the coast, and of Pindorama’s children, most of them were also Guarani’s kids.

Pindorama and Guarani expanded to the southeast and the east coast together, always hating each other and fighting but also constantly having children together lol. Sisters? Enemy-lovers? Bitter exes? Frenemies with benefits? All of the above? I don’t know, but these two ladies had children pretty much all around the territory (what I’m referring to here is all the different Tupi-Guarani groups), and if you ask me, they otp.

Pindorama is, first and foremost, a warrior. The tupi were, in general, very belligerent groups, that had war as a major part of their culture, and that was in part what made them expand through such a wide territory even without any kind of centralized state or hierarchy. And they had a very different view of war compared the Europeans – war was not meant to completely eliminate their enemies or as means to access land and resources, but as part of a perpetual cycle of revenge that ennobled ones that participated in it - it was cultural more than material. So Pindorama was just constantly watching her children fight each other and she was like…. Good for Them. She was also constantly fighting someone (usually Guarani lol) and was really, really good at it.

Despite that, she was also inclined to trading and had a lot of good commercial relationships with many others, going as far west as the Andes! She was both a warrior and a businesswoman, so yeah, terrifying. She was a skilled river navigator – not as much as the Aruak, but still pretty good – which also helped both with the expansion and with trade. She’s an extrovert, who can talk in front of a lot of people easily and captivate whoever she met, while also scaring the shit out of them.

So yeah, that’s Pindorama. A warrior, a businesswoman, a mother, a rival-lover, she really did have it all. And when Portugal arrived, she at first assumed he was just another one to trade with – and that was it, for the first few decades. And when Brazil ~appeared~ there (in whatever way nations are born idk), she took him as another one of her many children, no really a surprise here either.

For some time, she raised Brazil, but she soon understood that kid was not like the others. First, he was not just her child or her child with Guarani, but apparently also the child of that dude that would come every once in a while from the sea (again I don’t know how nations know who are their parents or other’s parents since there’s really no biological birth going on…). And as time went by, she also started noticed more and more of her other children dying more and more every time, while Brazil kept growing stronger and healthier every day. She put two and two together – that child and his father were trouble, and not the good kind.

When it comes to her relationship with Brazil, it is complicated, to say the least. She was more present in his childhood that Portugal, she taught him her languages and stories and how to survive in that land, but she also never trusted him, and was hesitant to be around him. As the years passed, she learned it was safer for her and her other children (who are not really Brazil’s siblings btw) to just keep going deep into the forest and avoiding Brazil and Portugal whenever they could, but always fighting back when needed. When it came to the battles, she actually had advantages compared to Portugal at times – gunpowder in the 16th century was pretty shitty, while for example the tupinamba had arrows as long as 1.60m that could pierce through their armor. But fighting meant exposing the people to getting sick, and the moment they realized that, they started avoiding it more. Still, I think its plausible to say she probably tried to kill brazil and Portugal a few times.

As much as I like to joke about brazil having mommy issues, I really don’t want to blame her for being “a bad mom” when she really was just doing what she had to do to survive and resist and to protect her real family against an enemy she couldn’t defeat. Also, Brazil has a great deal of blame here. When he was a kid, it really was just Portugal who pushed Pindorama away and against him, but after independence he really failed to fix things when he had the power to. As I talked about in the last post a little bit, he tried to get close to her again, but not because he wanted to make things right, not because he was ready to listen to her and respect her, but because he wanted an identity for himself that was separated from port, and though he could find it in his mother. But he wasn’t listening to her for a moment or seeing her for who she was, he wasn’t trying to get to know her, it was all about himself (as it always was in the empire).

I think Pindorama, better than anyone, can see how Brazil and Portugal are similar in their worst traits, and she can also see through every single one of brazil’s warm smile in a way no one else really can. Not for a moment his talk of reconnecting with her fooled her. Needless to say his attempt to get close to her, completely misguided and selfish, didn’t made things any better between them.

To this day, there’s a lot of bitterness between the two. Pindorama (fairly) resents brazil for all that he and his father caused and his failing to recognize his own flaws and mistakes and works on them. Today, they still mostly avoid each other. They do have their tender moments, sometimes, but Brazil has a lot of growing up as a person to do if he ever wants to fix their relationship.

Well… this is very long. I apologize if I said anything offensive or played into any harmful stereotypes, and if I did, please let me know.

#hcs #ask #as much as i like my brazil angst and all that.... when it comes to pindorama i kinda just want to talk about the 2500 #years before that were she was just being a awesome warrior lady with her enemy girlfriend taking over the continent with their 40 children #is that too much to ask???

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succumbtothenightmare · 5 years ago

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Hesitate

Pairings: Joe Jonas x Reader

Warnings: major angst, fluff, some swears here and there.

Words: a lot. 8,252.

Summary: Being the Jonas Brothers photographer had many, many perks. But the lows? The lows were way worse; like watching the man you’re in love with being in love with someone else.

A/N: My love for the Jo Bros have resurfaced with such force after seeing them in Milwaukee that this idea for a Joe fic came to mind and I had to write it. Please let me know what you think. I’ve very torn on this fic.

The happy chatter and laughter bounced around the small space of the jet and I sulked farther into my seat, the volume of my laptop increasing. There were only ten people on the jet, me included, but it sounded and felt like there were at least fifty. My eyes landed on the team of people I worked for and had to tear my gaze away before he noticed. I forced myself to continue to edit the same picture I had up on my screen for the last hour. Rubbing my palms into my eyes, I let out a groan that was silent to me but was not to others

“Kevin, stop! That tickles!”

I slammed my laptop shut with a little too much force and stood with the hope that I could find a quiet, secluded part of the jet to continue my work. It was nearing two a.m and we had another long day tomorrow that consisted off photo shoots, interviews, and another sold out show. I also had to find time to sleep during all of that.

“Hey, everything alright?”

Turing to the soft voice, I felt my heart hammer in my chest while my stomach flipped three times over. The perfect smile that stood out from the rest caught my eyes immediately as I found myself staring a little too fondly at the man in front of me.

Joe Jonas.

“Y-yeah. I’m just really tired and I want to get the pictures from tonight posted before sunrise. I just started working with you guys, don’t need to give you a reason to fire me,” I cringed at the way I stumbled over my words.

Joe gave me a small wave, “We’ve seen your work, Y/N. When we decided to go back on tour and needed a photographer, we had to hire you.”

“Thank you,” I gave him a small smile.

“You should get some sleep,” he mentioned after taking a drink of his beer.

“I could say the same thing about you guys,” I nodded towards his brothers and the other members of the team.

“We can quiet down if the noise is too loud?” Joe suggested.

I gave him a stern shake of my head. “Do not stop having fun because of me. I can always find another way to the next city.”

It was Joe’s turn to shake his head. “Fuck that. You’re part of the team so you ride with us, like everyone else.”

My heart warmed at his comment of part of the team.

“Well even if I wanted to go to sleep, I couldn’t. Flying really freaks me out.” I admitted.

Joe set his empty beer bottle on the table to the right of him. He pushed a few loose strands of hair from his face and I had to force myself not to do it for him.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Honestly? I didn’t think we were at the part of this relationship to let each other know our deep, dark secrets,” I shrugged with a small laugh.

Joe’s lips twitched at the mention of relationship but couldn’t respond as a blonde came up from behind him, placing a soft kiss to his cheek. My heart fell into my stomach with the way Joe looked at her, wishing it was me.

“Babe, we’re all ready for another round of drinks,” She smiled at Joe before sending the smile my way. “Get any good shots, Y/N?”

“Yeah. You’re going to love the ones of Joe, Sophie.” I gave a forced smile in return to Joe’s fiance.

“Can’t wait. C’mon babe,” Sophie tugged on Joe’s hand, ending the first solid conversation we shared in the few weeks I had been on tour with them.

A soft tune left my lips as I wandered the back halls of the arena, eyes glued to my camera as I went through all of the pictures I got tonight and deleting the bad ones; however, when it came to the brothers, there weren’t any bad pictures.

We were in a new city, Boston, and we were nearing the end of the first month of tour. We thankfully had a small break after tonight for a week and I was so giddy to return home, to sleep in my own bed.

My feet came to a halt a few feet in front of the two figures, locked together in a kiss. Swallowing the jealousy, I wanted to turn my back on them but the longer I stared at the two in love, I realized that he would never be like that with me; he was married now.

Joe and Sophie had decided to get married after the show in Vegas a few days ago. Thankfully I hadn’t been there but found out about it from Instagram. I was completely wrecked. I knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that Joe would want to be with me, he barely knew me. To him, I was just the photographer for the Jonas Brothers.

“Y/N, wait up!”

Biting my lip, I turned on my heels and gave a small smile to the newlyweds.

“What's up?”

“The jet is leaving in a few hours.” Joe informed.

“Uh, actually I’m taking a flight straight home,” I admitted.

Sophie’s eyebrows rose. “You’re not coming to our party?”

“I’ve got some family issues to take care of, I’m sorry,” I lied.

They were throwing a Just Married party at their home in Los Angeles and I tried to think of any excuse at all to not show up and I gave them the oldest one in the book.

“Everything okay?”

My lips curled into a smile at the concern in Joe’s voice.

“Yeah, just have to take care of some things. But I really should get going, I’ll see you guys next week.”

Giving them a small wave goodbye, I ignored the want of being in Sophie’s place and walked farther and farther away from the one who held my heart.

The wind blew softly through my curls as I walked the strip of the airport towards the giant jet waiting for me. A cold breeze brushed past my bare shoulders and I cursed when I realized I should have left my sweater unpacked.

The week off came and went in a blink of an eye. I sat on my couch in my oldest pair of sweats watching terrible romance movies, finding myself wishing I had that life. The night before, however, was the worst. I had seen so many pictures from Joe’s and Sophie’s party that my heart had shattered and the only way I found a way to pick them up and glue them back together was with a large bottle of vodka.

It was a great idea at the time but now? With the sun just beginning to rise, my head felt like it was two thousand pounds due to my hangover.

“Y/N’s here!”

“Oh god, Nick. Not so loud.” I groaned once I entered the jet.

Nick laughed. “Someone had a good night last night?”

“Soo great,” I joked after tossing my bag on the makeshift couch of the jet. “No wives?”

“Nope. Just you and brothers. No one else can make it out till tomorrow,” Nick shook his head.

“If I’d known that, I would have asked for another day off,” I muttered while rubbing my temples.

“Who’s the guy?”

I blinked towards Nick. “What?”

He shrugged. “I figured you had a good night last night.”

“Yeah, it was so great. My ass on my couch watching terrible rom-coms.” I admitted.

“You could have came to Joe’s party,” Nick suggested.

“No thanks,” I groaned.

If Nick had picked up on any hint of jealousy, he didn’t say anything because a round of laughter erupted from the back of the jet. My tired eyes landed on Kevin and Joe, my heart leaping into my throat.

“Damn, Y/N. You look like hell,” Kevin joked as he took a seat on the other end of the jet.

“Fuck off, Kevin,” I smirked.

“Give her a break,” Nick placed an arm around my shoulder, “She had a hot date last night.”

“You did?”

Joe’s voice startled me at how deep it was and that was the first time I saw the lines in his forehead deepen in what I’ve only known as one thing; jealousy.

“Yeah, with my couch,” I joked to lighten the sudden tension.

Joe continued to stare at me, his eyes burning into the side of my head and I shifted in my seat, my body feeling like it was just ignited in fire. Clearing my throat, I motioned towards the back of the plane.

“I’m going to go try laying down for a bit.”

Joe remained in his spot; in the middle of the doorway to the room. I avoided my gaze from his as I squeezed past him, our bodies softly brushing against one another. I could ignore his stare as long as I wanted. I couldn’t, however, ignore the way my body felt against his.

Smiling at the other behind the scene members of the band, I made my way towards the stage with my camera hanging low on my neck, the brothers were set to go on in just a few minutes.

After the questionable tension between Joe and I on the jet, I had decided to take my own flight to the last couple of cities, to avoid any other tension. Kevin and Nick questioned my actions, all three of us growing close in the last month, so I gave them the best lie I could think of; “I’ve got so much work to do that I need some time alone.”

They never caught on, thankfully.

Now, here I was almost a week later since I had seen any of the brothers, besides during concerts, I found myself missing them. I wouldn’t call us best friends but we were close.

“I don’t know what else to do. You complain when I’m home too much so I try and go out but then you complain that I’m never home. No matter what I do, it doesn’t seem to make you happy.”

My feet came to a sudden stop when I heard hushed voices coming from behind a closed door.

“I’m sorry that I’m not a perfect wife for you!” an accented voice shrill.

Sophie.

“That’s not what I’m saying. Fuck, do you ever listen to me?!”

Joe.

I knew I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on their private conversations but curiosity got the best of me as I leaned forward towards the door.

“I’m trying not to let her get under my skin, I really am Joe but it’s so fucking hard being compared to her.”

“No one is comparing you two, Sophie.”

The softness in Joe’s voice made my heart yearn for him. He sounded so broken.

“You are! I saw you the other day looking at her pictures! She goes or I do.”

“Sophie, I can't-.”

Suddenly the door was thrown against the wall, a heated blonde emerging. We locked eyes for a split second and Sophie scoffed before stomping down the hall.

My mouth fell open as I watched her disappear around a corner then finally my eyes landed on the broken figure in the doorway. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his once styled hair now a mess due to most likely running his hands through it.

He still looked like a fucking dream.

“How long have you been standing there?” Joe’s bottom lip trembled as he let out a large breath.

“The whole time.”

I didn’t bother to lie to him.

He nodded before stuffing his hands in his pockets. “It’s just a little fight.”

“It didn’t sound little.” I observed. “Want to talk about it?”

Joe’s sweet lips opened to protest but he pulled them in a tight line.

“Sophie’s been under a lot of stress lately. We’ve been trying to plan an actual wedding in Paris but she thinks I’ve been to busy.” Joe defended.

“You’re going to get married again?” My heart sunk to the bowels of my stomach.

“Vegas really wasn’t our dream wedding. We just did it for laughs,” he shrugged.

“Who’s the girl?” I questioned.

Joe blinked, a bit taken aback. “What?”

“The girl Sophie is making you choose between.” Curiosity got the best of me, I couldn’t help the words as they were leaving my mouth.

Joe pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, boring his eyes into mine. “You.”

“Wh-what?” I stuttered.

Never in a million years would I have thought that they would be fighting about me. I had no clue they knew about my feelings for Joe. I hadn’t told anyone.

“I was on your Instagram a few days ago saving some of your pictures for your birthday present. Sophie found the pictures on my phone and took it the wrong way.” Joe spilled.

“My birthday? It’s not for another couple of months.” I reminded him.

He nodded. “I know but the guys and I were working on putting a portfolio together for you. You’re amazing at what you do, Y/N. You need something to do after the tour ends.”

If I didn’t hate crying in front of people, I would have broken down in happy tears at the sweet gesture the team was doing for me.

“Did you tell Sophie that?”

“Yeah,” Joe ran a hand over his face, “But it didn’t help that when she asked if I thought you were attractive, I didn’t lie.”

“What did you tell her?” I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat.

“Of course you’re attractive. But I’m in love with Sophie.” Joe admitted.

“Right.”

The venom that slipped through my voice surprised the both of us. But I couldn’t believe how naive I was thinking that Joe would leave Sophie for me only because he thought I was attractive.

They had a life together now, I wasn’t the one that Joe wanted. The mere thought of them having an actual wedding in Paris was the weight that the scale in my heart needed to tip towards ‘he will never love you.’

For the last three months I had been torturing myself by watching Joe and Sophie together, wanting to be in her place. I knew it would never happen but I continued to allow myself to fall for him.

The way that he put EVERYONE before him, no matter what it cost. The way he could make anyone laugh, me included, on their worst days. And the way he radiates light on that stage, giving everything to the thousands of fans that came out to see him, love him, and follow him through his own ups and downs.

Blowing out a large breath, I let the heartbreak finally knock me down. On shaky legs, I motioned behind me.

“I just remembered, I wanted to get some shots of the stage before the show.”

“Y/N, I didn’t-.”

“Don’t, Joe. Please don’t make me feel even more pathetic than I do now,” I held up a hand, ignoring his pleas while walking away from him.

“Chris, stop,” I giggled while trying to push away the fingers that reached for my camera.

“C’mon, I want to see the pictures from last night.”

I smiled while shaking my head. “I don’t show anyone my pictures until they’re edited. That’s the most fun.”

“We’ve been dating for a month and I still haven’t seen any of your pictures.” Chris pouted.

“I wouldn’t call casually hooking up ‘dating.’” I admitted.

Chris held a hand over his heart in mock hurt.

“So that’s all I’m good for is sex?”

“Pretty much,” I lightly tapped his cheek with a loud laugh escaping my lips.

Chris was one of the light techs for The Jonas Brothers and we had only started talking over a month ago when I started taking my own flights to the next cities.

After the conversation between Joe and I, we had decided to keep our relationship strictly professional. I would arrive right before the boys would get on and stay back after they left, which is how I met Chris.

It wasn’t anything serious; us just using each other for sex. I was still head over heels in love with Joe but needed a distraction from the unwanted feelings.

“So did you want to meet at my room after the show?” Christ questioned, his fingers running up and down my bare arm.

“Are you going to make it worth it?” I flirted while running my hand through his hair.

“Don’t I always?” Chris’ breath brushed against my ears, sending shivers all over my body.

Licking my lips, I pressed my palms into his chest, trying to give us some space. “You know I hate PDA.”

“No one is watching,” Chris breathed into my neck.

Feeling someone’s gaze burn all over my body, I peeked over Chris’ shoulder and my eyes immediately connecting with a pair of brown ones.

Joe watched with a clenched jaw as Chris’ hands moved lower, ghosting over my ass. His lips continued to brush the sensitive part of my neck but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from Joe.

“Chris, stop. I’m serious,” I tried to push him off again but failed when he hit my sweet spot with his teeth.

Joe’s eyes fell as he continued to watch Chris leave his mark on me. I felt regret fill my veins when he looked down at the ground trying to avoid my gaze.

Nick, who was standing next to Joe, must have caught onto his brother’s feelings so he called over to me.

“Y/N! The show's about to start. You should head to the stage.”

Chris pulled away with an annoyed groan, reluctantly allowing me to remove myself from his grasp.

“I’ll see you after the show.”

Giving him a small kiss on the cheek, I walked over towards Nick and Joe, ignoring the later hard gaze.

“How long has that been going on?” Nick nodded towards Chris.

“Not long. We’re just hanging out; it’s not serious.” I informed.

“Looked pretty serious to me,” Joe spat.

I sliced my eyes over to him. “So what if it is? It’s none of your business.”

“Guys, let’s not do this now. Save it for later,” Nick suggested.

“Gladly,” I pushed passed the brothers, purposely slamming my shoulder into Joe’s.

“Y/N, do you need anything?”

Looking away from the screen of my laptop, I shook my head at Kevin. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for letting me catch a ride with you guys tonight. I can’t believe I forgot to buy a plane ticket.”

He shrugged before sitting on the other seat of the jet. “You’re always welcomed.”

“Can you believe the tour is more than half over?,” I breathed, “It’s flying by.”

“I know. I love being on stage every night with my brothers but damn, I can’t wait to be home again,” Kevin laughed.

“I bet your girls miss you.” I smiled.

The grin that came to Kevin’s lips warmed my heart. “I miss them more. I’m thankful that they’ve had the chance to see me on stage, with my brothers, doing what we love.”

“I’m thankful you guys gave me the opportunity to do what I love,” I beamed.

“Hey, thank Joe. He’s the one that found you on Instagram,” Kevin stated.

At the mention of Joe, my heart nearly busted through my chest. We all were coming back from another week long break and there had been rumors that Joe and Sophie had been fighting constantly. The paps snapped pictures of her leaving their Australia home while Joe was photographed at their LA home during the same time. My fingers itched wanting to text him to see if he was alright but I knew it wasn’t any of my business what was going on between them.

“It’s ridiculous. I can’t even bring her up in a conversation without Sophie freaking out.”

Joe and Nick walked onto the plane, their private conversation came to a halt when their eyes landed on me.

“What are you doing here?” Nick questioned with a small smile playing at his lips.

“Kevin said I could catch a ride with you guys. I’m an idiot that forgot to buy a plane ticket.”

“How’d you forget to buy a ticket?” Nick laughed, sitting down on the couch.

Joe silently sat down on the opposite end of the couch I had been lounging on. I pulled my knees to my chest, allowing him more room to sit comfortably.

“It’s been a rough week,” I defended with a laugh.

“How are things with Chris?” Kevin asked.

Joe’s body went stiff and I tried my best to ignore his gaze.

“That’s over as fast as it started,” I admitted.

“What happened?”

Looking at Nick, I shrugged. “We both wanted a relationship, just not with each other.”

“I’m sorry,” Kevin sympathized.

“Don’t be. It made me realize that there is someone out there that wants to be with me, I shouldn’t have to settle for what I think I need or want.” I smiled.

Joe cleared his throat while shifting in his spot. “Can you guys give us a minute?”

Confused, I watched as Nick and Kevin retreated to the back of the jet, leaving Joe and I alone.

I could hear my heart in my ears as I waited for Joe to speak; to say something, anything.The silence was deafening and I opened my mouth to say the first word but Joe interrupted me.

“I’m sorry for distancing myself from you.”

“I’m just as guilty as you,” I admitted.

“I thought that if I spent time away from you, it would fix things between Sophie and I but it only made me realize something I never wanted to admit outloud.”

Licking my lips, I swallowed. “What’s that?”

“I missed you.”

Joe looked into my eyes for the first time and the sparkle behind them brought goosebumps to my skin. He moved closer to me, fingers brushing against my leg, and I fought the urge to leap over to him and attach my lips to his.

“I love Sophie,” Joe continued, “But when I saw you with Chris, there was this burning rage that I’d never experienced with anyone. Not even Sophie; my wife.”

“That’s called jealousy.” I tried to joke but bit my lip when I noticed the serious look on Joe’s face.

“I’ve been torn on what to do that it’s put a stress on my marriage. I haven’t seen Sophie in almost two weeks.” Joe played with the ring on his left hand.

“You’re married, Joe. You shouldn’t let me get in between you and Sophie. I can forget how I feel about you if it means you’re happy with your wife,” I choked out, holding back the tears.

“Can you?” Joe questioned.

The air around us suddenly thickened, the desire burning bright in Joe’s eyes as he stared directly into my own before they fell to the top of my chest, which was peaking out of my tank top. Adjusting my position on the couch, I cleared my throat hoping that would break him from his intense gaze.

“Y-yeah,” I nodded.

Joe raised his eyebrows, slowly inching closer to me. “Are you sure?”

My mouth ran dry when I felt his fingers trace small circles on my bare thigh, Joe wearing a smug smile as he closed the small space between us; inch by inch. My fingers itched, wanting to run them through his hair, but reality struck when I felt his breath fanning over my lips. I had realized how close Joe was and how bad it would look if Kevin or Nick walked in.

“Joe,” I breathed while placing my hands on his chest, “We can-.”

“Tell me you don’t want this,” Joe mused.

Silence.

That’s what came out of my mouth.

I couldn’t tell Joe I didn’t want his lips on mine because that’s all I wanted. All day, every single day. I knew, however, that it would be completely wrong on both of us if that happened.

A small whimper slipped passed my lips when I felt Joe’s fingers under my chin, forcing me to look in his eyes. He sucked in a large breath when I wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to feel his body against mine.

“Y/N,” Joe’s breath was warm against my neck.

“Please, Joe. I can’t wait any longer.” I dug my finger into his lower back.

“SURPRISE!”

Pushing away from one another, we both looked to the entrance of the plane as Sophie walked into view. By the smile on her face, we knew that she hadn’t caught us. My heart rate had tripled and was slowly getting back to normal as Joe stood, walking over to his wife.

“What are you doing here?”

There was an unreadable tone in his voice.

“I thought I would surprise you. I got the next few days off so I thought we could spend time together while you were on the road!”

It was how happy she was I realized that she hadn’t seen me yet, Joe’s body blocking me from her line of sight. Biting my lip, I tried to avoid my gaze moving any lower than his back.

“Yeah, of course. Uh, why don’t you set your bags in the back room. Nick and Kev may be back there,” Joe nodded behind Sophie.

“Perfect! I’ll go say hello,” Sophie smiled.

She peered over his shoulder, her eyes finally landing on me. I had brought my legs closer to my chest, trying to hold my emotions in. She had nearly caught Joe and I, and now she was going to be on the road with us for the next few days.

“Y/N! How are you? It’s been awhile!”

I could tell in the way that she smiled that she was not happy I was here.

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, I’m only riding with them tonight. I just needed a way to the next city,” I nodded, trying to reassure her.

“Oh, that’s too bad. Well, we should get some rest, love. You’re looking exhausted.” Sophie ran her fingers through his hair.

“Can you give me a minute? Y/N just needs me to look over some pictures before she posts them.”

I marveled at how easy Joe had just lied to his wife.

Sophie opened her mouth to protest, so I cleared my throat. “It’s fine. You guys should spend time together.”

My lip quivered as I let out a shaky breath, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Joe.

“No it’s fine. I’ll be waiting, love,” Sophie smiled.

My heart shattered as I watched her pull Joe into a very heated kiss. Her hands pulled at the ends of his hair, deepening it. Joe’s hands wrapped around her lower back to pull her body more close to his, obviously needing to feel any type of friction.

Their kiss went on for a few more moments before Joe pulled away, his eyes watching her closely as she disappeared towards the back of the jet.

“Y/N, I had no clue she was going to show up,” he defended.

Shaking my head, I kept my gaze trained to the ground.

“She’s your wife. You need to be with her; not me.” I muttered, mostly to myself.

“I know I should but I can’t help it that I want to be with you too.”

Finally allowing myself to look into his eyes, they looked broken just like my own, I gave him a small shrug.

“It’s not going to work between us, Joe. You’re married! I won’t allow myself to get in between you two again. As long as you’re with her, there will never be an us. If it’s harsh, I’m sorry but I won’t let myself get my hopes up for us when clearly it will always be Sophie,” I insisted.

“So I’m just supposed to pretend that never happened?!” Joe pointed to where I was sitting.

“You know for a fucking fact that wasn’t supposed to happen!,” I snapped, “I let myself get lost in lust. It won’t happen again.”

Joe’s eyes sliced into mine, a scoff leaving his lips. “Fine, if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not what I want!” I yelled standing to my feet. “I don’t want to be this pathetic little girl that sits around and waits for a man but I’d be lying if I said I won’t wait for you; you’re perfect Joe. I can’t help but fall more and more in love with you every night I watch you on stage, performing your heart out. The heart I wish had my own!”

Rage boiled in my blood as I continued to stand there, staring at Joe. He knew how I felt about him, hell everyone knew at this point. I only thought that if I kept it bottled in that the feelings would slowly dissipate by seeing how happy he was with Sophie. But what I didn't expect was Joe feeling the same. Yes, he hadn't came out and said the exact words I love you, Y/N but his actions proved otherwise.

Or maybe he was horny.

Shaking the thought from my head, I continued to stand my ground against Joe.

“As long as you're with Sophie, there will never be an us,” I repeated.

Joe, who clearly looked like he had given up, nodded before giving me a broken smile, walking in the back of the jet.

My body shook with sobs as I collapsed on the couch, the reality of what I had said finally setting in. I told Joe we were done and meant every word so why was I wanting to chase after him and say I was lying; that I would be fine waiting for him.

How had I become so low of a person? Getting in the way of a marriage? Allowing myself to fall in love with someone who never was available to begin with?

“Everything alright?” Nick asked as him and Kevin appeared, almost out of nowhere.

Hasty wiping away my tears, I nodded while avoiding their gaze.

“Yeah,” I choked out.

We all sat in silence, Kevin and Nick clearly understanding everything was not alright but deciding not to press. They played quiet chords on their guitars while I clicked over and over on my computer as I edited pictures I had taken during my break. But no matter how much noise we had made, it did nothing to drown out the moans coming from the room in the back.

Three.

There were only three more shows left on tour.

Everyone was relishing in the bittersweet memories. We all were happy to go back home to our regular day to day lives but we all were going to miss everything about this tour.

After the show last night, I was more than ready to get away from Joe. We still hadn’t said a word about what happened on the jet and the sexual tension was thick. During last night's show, they played Trust and I couldn’t stop the burning gaze coming from Joe no matter how hard I ignored it.

My heels clicked along the long abandoned hallway of the arena as I looked around for the brothers. I wanted to get some solo shots of them on the final days of the tour. A smile played at my lips as I found them leaning against a wall, deep in their own personal conversation. They hadn’t seen me yet so I snapped a few pictures of them. I was about to leave them but Kevin’s question stopped me in my tracks.

“When are you going to tell her?”

I leaned closer against the wall and strained my ears to hear better.

“I think I should do it before the tour ends,” Joe shrugged.

“Are you sure that this is what you want? Nick questioned.

Joe nodded without an ounce of hesitation. “She’s the one I’ve always wanted. I hate that it took a broken relationship to realize that but in the end I have to stop thinking about how others will feel; I need to put my feelings first.”

Kevin wrapped his hand around Joe’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Just know that we support your decision. Your heart will hurt for losing someone you’ve cared about for awhile now but she’s going to help you heal.”

“I’ve always loved her. It’s always going to be her.”

“How do you think Sophie will take it?”

Joe looked at Nick. “She’ll be thankful. Eventually we’ll be able to move past everything and be happy.”

White clouded my vision, body going limp against the wall, as I replayed the entire conversation in my head again.

He chose Sophie. He was always going to choose her. I was a fucking idiot to think that it would ever be me. It was pathetic, really. To think that we could ever have a perfect, suburban life together with three kids, a dog or two, and a damn white picket fence.

My bottom lip trembled as I sucked it between my teeth, a broken sob escaping; a little too loudly.

“Y/N?”

Teary eyes locked with Joe’s, who was just as surprised as his brothers were that I had been standing there. The look Joe was giving me was the type of look that made you want to break down and cry. Not a normal cry; no, it was those types of cries that made you want to fall to your knees in pain, tears falling fast from your eyes.

“How-how long have you been standing there?” Joe stuttered.

“I’ve got to go,” I drank in the saltiness of my tears, slowly backing away.

“Wait, Y/N. Please.” Joe begged, reaching for my hand.

Snatching away from his fingers, I shook my head. “I didn’t hear anything. I was never here.”

His pleas fell on deaf ears as I stumbled over my feet to get away from them. The pain was unbearable, shaking me to the bones, and I would have given anything in my life to never see Joe Jonas ever again.

“Man, I can’t believe that this is our LAST show tonight. We cannot thank each and every one of you guys enough. You have been with us from the start, through our ups and downs, and we can never repay you for the love and support you have given us.”

My eyes watched with a smile as Kevin talked to the crowd, quietly tuning his guitar. It was the very last show of the tour tonight and the brothers had given it their absolute all. They had only a few songs left, Burning Up and Sucker, but there were rumors that Joe has something else planned.

Oh, Joe.

I hadn’t seen any of the brothers the last couple of days, opting to stay farther back when taking pictures. I was too embarrassed to face them and see them after they caught me listening to their conversation. I traveled alone, driving from city to city, so I was beyond exhausted. With the last show, however, I didn’t want to miss a thing. So here I was, standing at the bottom of the stage, the brothers a few feet in front of me, snapping away with my camera. All feelings aside, I was determined to get the best pictures tonight.

“You know,” Joe spoke up next, his voice causing my body to tingle all over, “One of our team members also has a birthday tonight.”

My palms began to sweat, knowing what Joe was about to say next.

“Have you guys seen our pictures from every show on our Instagram?” Nick yelled into the microphone.

The crowd screamed and cheered, the profoundness beaming through my smile.

“All of those pictures were taken by our very good friend, Y/N L/N,” Kevin pointed down towards me. “C’mon Y/N, give a small wave!”

“I hate you!” I screamed, smile clear on my face.

“It’s her birthday tonight and she has spent every single night watching us perform and capturing those moments that we all cherish the rest of our lives. So, please join us in signing a very happy birthday!” Nick boomed!

Red flushed my cheeks as the boys and the crowd all sang happy birthday and I tried to shrink in size. I absolutely hated being in the spotlight but the rather large gesture from my best friends brought a warm smile to my face.

As the song faded out, the brothers lead right into their last two songs. I snapped away with my camera, getting lost in the moment that I hadn’t realized that Joe was kneeling at the edge of the stage just a few inches in front of me.

“I’m a sucker for you,” Joe’s voice sang through the arena.

Our eyes locked and he placed his hand in front of me, palm facing the ceiling. Confusion filled my eyes as I looked from his hand to his face.

“Your camera,” he mouthed.

Licking my lips, I hesitated for a split second before I placed my camera in his hands.

Setting his microphone to the side, the camera lens now faced me and I could see Joe’s small smile on the other end of it.

“Smile,” he cheered.

“What are you doing?”

No matter how upset or sad I was about the situation between us, I still found myself smiling at the way his eyes danced under the stage lights as they raked over my face, taking in my appearance.

I was mesmerized by the way Joe was drinking me in that I hadn’t realized he already snapped a few pictures of me and was handing my camera back, completely unaware he had slipped the small memory card into his pocket.

“Y/N, we need you for this picture!”

Zipping up my camera bag, I looked to my left smiling at Kevin.

“Let me just get my camera!” I called back.

“No, we need you in the picture!” Nick chimed in.

I looked at the whole family of the Jonas’ feeling out of place. It was just a mere few minutes after the show had ended, all of us on a high and we were dragging our feet because we didn’t want the night to end.

I hesitated only because I was afraid of being too close to Joe.

“I don’t want to impose,” I spoke.

“Get your ass over here,” Kevin demanded while grabbing my hand, pulling me towards the group.

While the family finished their pictures, Nick waved me over as I stood next to him while everyone in the band/crew piled in for a group pictures.

“How about one of us three and Y/?” Kevin suggested.

Him and nick stood next to each other while Joe looked into my eyes, nodding to the space next to him.

Gnawing on my lip, I slid next to him and gently laid my hand on his back. As we waited for the boys mom to fix her camera, Joe’s fingers wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer into him.

Tingles spread through my body when I felt the heat radiate off his body onto mine. I couldn’t ignore how good it felt being wrapped into his arms, a sense of safety engulfing me.

“Say cheese!” Momma Jonas smiled while taking a few pictures of us four.

After suggesting that I get a picture with each of the boys, I smiled brightly during my pictures when Kevin and Nick.

“My turn,” Joe mused.

With my bottom lip in between my teeth, I walked back into Joe’s arm, his left slinking around my waist once more. His fingers had slipped underneath my shirt and even that slight touch of skin on skin was enough to have visions of us in bed together playing in my mind.

“Oh shoot, my phone died.”

Joe fished his phone out of his pocket, handing it to his mom.

“Use mine.”

As we waited for his mom to take the picture, Joe looked down at me and I was sure that my heart soared into my throat at the look he was giving me. Leaning closer to my ear, I felt his breath against against my neck.

“Come by my room tonight?”

“Are you sure?” I stammered.

He nodded, moving a strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah. I have to give you your birthday present.”

Joe’s voice was hoarse with lust and the pressure I felt from down below was enough to make a small moan leave my lips.

My knuckles tapped against the wooden door in front of me and I waited in the silent hallway for the door to open.

I had arrived to Joe’s hotel room way later than I had originally told him so I was afraid that he had fallen asleep.

The door is unlocked.

After reading the new text message from Joe, I quietly entered his room, my voice coming out hushed.

“Joe?”

A small gasp erupted from my throat when I took in the scene in front of me; lit candles were littered around the room, a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice with a small chocolate cake on the counter in the makeshift kitchen, and a black box with a large white bow sat safely on the bed. There was a soft tune playing in throughout the room that I smiled fondly at.

Love Her by The Jonas Brothers

My name was scribbled on a small envelope that I immediately recognized as Joe’s handwriting.

Y/N

I know I’ve been a real shitty friend to you these past few months but I had been dealing with a lot of personal things in my life that made me push you away. You didn’t deserve that and I’m so sorry.

But that rough path I had been on led me to you. I will never forgive myself for breaking your heart but if you trust me, I will never break it again.

You saved me, Y/N. Now it’s my turn to save you.

Happy Birthday.

Joe

Wiping away the tears, I paced the card on the bed and gently began pulling away the bow on the box.

Inside was a thick, black book and a large yellow envelope that read ‘read last.’

I set the envelope next to the card and started flipping through the book, choking out a small laugh.

Inside the folder were pages upon pages of all of my favorite pictures I had taken; before the Jonas Brothers and during. I laughed at all of the goofy memories I captured of the brothers but when I reached the last couple pages to the book, my heart doubled in size. They were pictures of me, ones that I had never seen.

Joe trying to teach me to play the guitar, which failed miserably, but we both had the time of our lives.

My head against Joe’s shoulder, fast asleep, while we were traveling to the next city on the jet. His eyes were glued to his phone but the look on his face, the way his lips pulled up into a smile said everything words couldn’t.

Me setting up my camera equipment before one of the shows, the light emanating from the stage casting an aura of light around me, almost as if I was an angel sent from above.

And the last couple pages were pictures from tonight; Joe stealing my camera, all of the group ones after the show, and the last picture is what broke down the last hesitant wall I had up. It was of Joe and I, his mouth brushing against my forehead while his hand was wrapped protectively around me. If the picture could talk it would say that it almost looked as if Joe was afraid that I would disappear in front of him.

A door clicked behind me and through teary eyes, I watched as Joe emerged from the bathroom, wearing nothing but black sweat pants that hung dangerously low on his hips. Suddenly, the tears had vanished and I groaned to myself as I took in each and every line of his abs.

“Happy Birthday.”

Snapping out of my naughty thoughts, I grinned over to Joe. “Thank you. I don’t deserve any of this.”

He shook his head while sitting on the other edge of the bed, giving us a reasonable amount of space.

“You deserve all of this and more,” Joe admitted.

Nodding, I placed the folder against my chest, holding it close. “I will cherish this for the rest of my life. Joe, I cannot thank you enough for this.”

“I told you; anything for you.” Joe’s hand rested on my thigh, giving it a slight squeeze.

Smiling at the feeling, it was then that I noticed the faint tan line on his finger.

“Your ring?,” I gawked at him.

I was lost in the romantic gesture of all of this that I had forgotten the most important part of all of this; Sophie.

A tiny smile pulled at Joe’s lips and he simply nodded to the yellow envelope.

Following his silent request, my shaky fingers pulled out a stack of papers. Dread filled me, the last thing I wanted was to read a giant packet of whatever this was, but it was the two bold words at the top that caught my attention.

“Divorce papers?” I muttered. “Who’s getting a divorce?”

Joe laughed and told me to go to the last page.

My eyes scanned the two signatures over and over again, burning it into the back of my brain.

“You and Sophie?” I asked.

“It’s been finalized for a few weeks now. We’ve been separated for months before this,” Joe admitted.

“Wait, so what happened between us on the jet?” I pondered, mostly to myself.

Joe answered my question with a simple nod.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I think at the time, I still wanted to make it work between us but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were always on my mind, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It wasn’t fair to Sophie, or you, that my heart wasn’t completely with either of you,” Joe has scooted closer to me, our knees brushing against each other.

“I wish my feelings were more clear in the beginning; before I got married. You’ve always been the one I wanted, I knew that, I was just afraid to let Sophie go. I was afraid of what people would think. What they would call me, or you,” Joe continued.

“But when I saw you with Chris, I wanted to be in his place. I wanted to be the one by your side. I wanted to be the one you called when you had a bad day. I wanted to be the one you shared your bed with.”

“Joe,” I breathed, “I’m sorry. I thought that’s what I needed at the time to get over my feelings for you. But it only made me realize that no matter who I date, they would never compare to you.”

Joe raised his hand hesitantly before he cupped my cheek and I whimpered at the warmth. His thumb brushed my cheek and my hands gripped his arm, afraid to let go. Our eyes locked and Joe’s tongue brushed over his lower lip causing me to nearly jump into his lap.

“I want this if you do,” he breathed against my lips.

“More than anything,” I begged.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize it but I promise I will live the rest of my days showing you how much I love you,” Joe proclaimed.

Not wanting to wait any longer, I finally closed the distance between us by softly pressing my lips against his. They felt full and plump against my own as I wrapped my arms around his neck, him pulling me with ease into his lap.

I never wanted to believe those stories I read as a little girl about kissing someone you love for the first time. I always thought the fireworks and the heat were all lies but now, feeling Joe’s lips move in sync with mine, I felt every last firework deep in my bones and in between my legs. My vision went white when I felt him slip his tongue past my lips, gliding against my own.

“I love you too, Joe.” I mumbled into his lips.

“Did you want some cake or wine?” Joe questioned in between kisses.

“Later,” I groaned, pressing my hips into his.

The cake and wine were the last thing on our minds as Joe’s fingers snaked up my back, gliding my shirt off with ease and tossing it on the other end of his hotel room.

#Joe Jonas #Joe Jonas fanfiction #Joe Jonas x reader #jonas brothers #kevin jonas #nick jonas

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wrestlingisfake · 4 years ago

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Full Gear preview

Jon Moxley vs. Eddie Kingston - Moxley is defending the AEW men’s world championship. (He’s also the IWGP United States champion, but that title is not at stake.) This is an “I quit” match, so the only rule in effect is that the match cannot end until one participant verbally concedes the match; the other participant thereby wins and will be the champion.

Kingston is an unlikely headliner for such a stacked show. Despite a long and storied career, he’s mainly known for his work on the indies, and his reputation among wrestlers who hold his work in high regard. It took him until 2020 to get to this level (when he was on the verge of retiring), and even now that he’s in the majors he’s not a top contender. Lance Archer “eliminated” him to win a September 5 battle royale for a title shot, but the elimination was a blown call. Kingston bellyached about the finish until he was granted a title match of his own, which Moxley won by ref stoppage. Kingston continued to make excuses, and had his “family” beat down Moxley. At this point, Mox is so pissed at his former friend that he’d probably demand this second title match even if Kingston hadn’t issued the challenge.

A big part of this match is that wrestling fandom has woken up about how great Eddie always was, and there’s a lot of excitement about him possibly disrupting the AEW topcard to score a rich reward for 18 years of hard work. But to me the real selling point here is that it’s an “I quit” match where I genuinely believe both guys would rather die than say the words. When WWE does these matches, they usually have a heel give in to cowardice, or a babyface surrender to save a friend in distress, or some screwjob with a tape recorder. I don’t think any of that stuff is going to happen here. These guys are going to endure some sick shit just for the sake of pride.

I think Moxley has to win and retain the championship, which means he has to make Kingston verbally quit. I don’t know what the fuck Mox can do to achieve that condition, but it should be fun/gross finding out.

Kenny Omega vs. Hangman Page - This is the final match in an eight-man elimination tournament to determine the next challenger for the AEW men’s world title. Page defeated Colt Cabana and Wardlow to get here, while Omega defeated Sonny Kiss and Penta El 0M.

I was gonna run down the whole Hangman Page saga, from the day he lost to Chris Jericho to the day Omega walked out on him. But then AEW did that “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)” video, so now any summary I can provide seems superfluous. The point here is that Page fell into depression and let his friends down, so Omega broke up their tag team to return to singles competition, and now they’ve managed to cross paths once again. Is Omega slowly turning heel? Will he complete that apparent heel turn by mercilessly destroying Page? Or can they work out their problems in the ring and shake hands when it’s over? We’ll soon find out.

The smart money is on tonight’s show setting up Jon Moxley vs. Kenny Omega. However, I don’t think AEW needs to get to that destination right away, so we could potentially see a Page win here to keep the story going. Expectations are high for this match being very, very good. Will the story be enough to put it over the top? I’ve got a good feeling that it will, and that the icing on the cake will be an upset by Page.

Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood vs. Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson - Wheeler and Cash are FTR, the AEW tag team champions. Matt and Nick are the Young Bucks, and they earned this title shot by winning a four-way match on October 21. Matt Jackson has vowed that if the Bucks cannot win this match, they will never again challenge for this championship.

This match has been in the making for years, going back to when Wheeler and Harwood (as Dash Wilder and Scott Dawson, the Revival) emerged as rivals for the Bucks’ status as the top tag team in pro wrestling. “Fuck The Revival” became a running joke on the Bucks’ Youtube show, right up until Wheeler and Harwood got their releases from WWE in order to come here. FTR stands for the kind of old-school wrestling that the Bucks thumb their noses at, and FTR’s gimmick is that they bitch just like the kind of old-school wrestling fans who thumb their noses at the Bucks.

The Bucks have been trying to win the tag title since it was first introduced, but they’ve always managed to come up short. After FTR manipulated Hangman Page into screwing them out of a potential title shot (clearing the way for FTR to win the gold), the Bucks snapped and started trying to regain their edge. This hasn’t really made a lot of sense, though, because instead of getting more ruthless and intense against their opponents in the ring, they’ve just been behaving like dicks to non-wrestlers backstage. If their bad attitude had directly led to them getting this match, I think the story might have landed better; as it is, they were selected literally at random to enter the 10/21 four-way, so it didn’t really make any difference.

The stipulation has people buzzing because a) Cody Rhodes had a similar stip a year ago, so we know it’s not a joke, and b) Matt Jackson is working through a knee injury, so it may not make sense for him to win a championship right this minute. I suppose it’s possible that Matt knows his in-ring days are numbered and this stip is the beginning of the end of his career. But I think it’s more likely that they just want to set up a scenario where we know the Bucks are behind the 8-ball, to build to more drama when they finally win the belts. The knock against a Bucks title win is that it’s too soon for FTR to drop the title, but then again I think it would work for the two teams to trade the championship back and forth for a few months. I’m going with new champs here.

Hikaru Shida vs. Nyla Rose - Shida is defending the AEW women’s world championship, after somebody finally remembered Rose exists. I’m fine with some major title matches in AEW being thrown together without an epic drama behind them. But in this case it’s just annoying because everything in the women’s division feels thrown together without much consideration. I’m guessing Shida retains to keep everything on the same treadmill it’s been on.

Chris Jericho vs. MJF - This is a rare heel vs. heel battle. If MJF wins, he will be permitted to join Jericho’s stable, the Inner Circle. I was curious what MJF’s next move would be after losing to Jon Moxley on September 5, and this is it. He’s been angling to get into the group through a series of goofy skits, and he’s assured Jericho that he will do anything to win this match.

The main intrigue here is that the Inner Circle seems divided on whether they even want MJF to join. Sammy Guevara and Ortiz are so down on MJF that they tried to take him out so he couldn’t get to this match. Jake Hager and Santana are apparently cool with him, or at least uncommitted. Jericho acts like he sees MJF as a kindred spirit, but he’s too wily to trust the guy, so his real intentions here are unclear.

The easy way to book this is for MJF to do “anything” by way of convincing some (or all) of Jericho’s lackeys to help him win the match and kick Jericho out of the group. I think the only fans who aren’t expecting that are the ones who think it’s too obvious. Of course, any such breakup doesn’t have to be on this show, so everything could be civil here and then the big angle happens in six weeks, or six months. One way or another, though, we’re going to see how far MJF is willing to go to win, and we’ll be starting the next chapter of the story. And I really think that chapter has to begin with an MJF victory.

Cody Rhodes vs. Darby Allin - Cody is defending the AEW TNT championship. This will be their fourth match; Cody currently leads the series 2-0-1. It feels like they’ve been building up to Darby getting a big win over Cody, and I don’t see the point of going back to this match now unless that win’s finally going to happen. If Cody retains I think it’ll leave a sour taste in everyone’s mouth, regardless of whether it sets up a Darby win down the road. So I sure hope Allin wins, because I can’t imagine what else will work in this context.

Matt Hardy vs. Sammy Guevara - This is being billed as “The Elite Deletion,” and I’ve heard it was pre-taped, so I’m guessing it will be a mini-movie kind of match like Undertaker vs. AJ Styles. Matt Hardy fans will of course recall that he was doing that kind of nonsense before it was cool, going all the way back to 2016′s Final Deletion in TNA and 2018′s Ultimate Deletion in WWE. (How many deletions can one guy have?)

Everybody knows Hardy and Guevara have had a string of bad luck in their feud, with blowoff matches getting cut short or botched spots leaving Matt injured. They were supposed to settle things once and for all on September 5, but that turned into a trainwreck so I guess they decided to call a mulligan on that. The best thing you can say about this match is that, because it’s pre-taped, you can be assured that if anyone got severely hurt it would already be in the news, which makes it easier to watch.

I can’t remember Matt ever losing a mini-movie match, and I don’t think he’ll lose this one either. Even if I’m not sure how one wins an elite deletion.

Orange Cassidy vs. John Silver - After going 2-1 with Chris Jericho, Cassidy made three unsuccessful attempts to win the TNT title, so he really needs to regain some momentum with a win. Silver is a prelim guy, so he should be perfect to put Orange over...except there’s a lot of buzz around Silver lately, which is probably what got him booked for this show. I don’t think Silver can win here, but watch for them to do some stuff to let him look good on his way to doing the job.

Serena Deeb vs. Allysin Kay - This has been announced for the pre-show. Deeb is defending the NWA women’s world title, as part of an ongoing collaboration between the NWA and AEW. What makes this unusual is that Deeb recently signed with AEW, and Kay recently announced her NWA contract has expired, so no matter who wins the belt will be in the hands of an outsider. I expect this is something of an AEW tryout match for Kay, and if so I doubt she would win here, but I’m rooting for her to do well because the women’s division can use all the help it can get. I think Deeb retains, although I have no idea what that means for the future of the NWA women’s division.

#aew #full gear #jon moxley #eddie kingston #kenny omega #hangman page #ftr #the young bucks

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yoongisbbydoll · 7 years ago

Text

white lie, (m.)

⇢ pairing ─ kim namjoon, reader

⇢ genre ─ break up

⇢ length ─ 8,206 words

⇢ warnings ─ angst, smut

⇢ synopsis ─ You never needed him, or at least that is what you tell yourself. Especially when, spur of the moment, you abandon everything and catch a flight out of the country, leaving everything behind to find yourself.

Nearing the end of your third year of college, you found your nights were spent in the darkness of your shared apartment searching for jobs. There were weekends wasted away getting drunk on cheap wine and Smirnoff with your roommates and friends after you had all given up on combing through job websites and emails from professors. At the time, summer break had seemed like a blessing and a curse, with a new boyfriend and friends but also seemingly endless rejected applications and days passing doing absolutely nothing.

Your only wish was to get a job to last you through the summer then into your final year of college. Soon enough, you would be venturing into the real world and it was time to start preparing for that day’s arrival. You needed to plan for when you finally were forced to jump ship on childhood and swim to the shore of adulthood—which seemed miles away, out of eyesight.

But your senior year of college brought corporations reaching out to you and not the other way around. So quickly had adulthood become that much closer, and a stable cash flow was making its way into your bank account. Student loans didn’t feel like a demon perched on your shoulders each time you went to class. You were in a perfect relationship with the valedictorian of his class, Kim Namjoon, and with your one-year anniversary seemingly around the corner, you couldn’t help but feel content in the way things had played out for you after years of stress and hard work.

Your relationship was like a dream until Namjoon received an opportunity—no, the absolute best opportunity, were his words on a cold, winter night. You were a little farther than tipsy when Namjoon told you—he had fed you drinks in hopes it would cushion the news he was about to break. But, despite your buzzed headspace, you had still heard him loud and clear. Being drunk only brought out your worst side through screaming and dramatic cries, a night later spent alone in your bed with tear stains as your only companion.

Namjoon had been offered a spot in a prestige foreign exchange program where he would go to America to study his major and advance his English proficiency. He would be gone for the last semester, abroad in a foreign land filled with conventionally beautiful women and men, new opportunities and friendships. You knew he wouldn’t want to come back. America was always his end goal. This would be a stepping stone to reaching this dream of his. Namjoon would be gone with the snap of a finger before your eyes.

In the two weeks leading up to Namjoon’s departure, you avoided his calls and texts, throwing yourself into your studies. Countless days were wasted hunching over highlighters and ripped notebook pages, pen marks and the limelight of your computer and lamp. Only when the sun started to shine through your blinds would you realized that once again you had stayed up far too late trying to distract yourself. Before getting into bed, you would turn on your phone to listen to the voicemails Namjoon had left you.

They all started the same.

I miss you so much.

He would then prose questions you would never answer:

I’m leaving soon and want to see you. Why weren’t you in classes today? Are you sick? Have you been sleeping well? Do you want me to come by with that tea you like and your favorite blanket? It’s still on my bed. I’ll leave it here if you want it when I leave. Okay, I’ll talk to you soon.

Each voice mail ended with a robotic click and crackling in the speaker. Each message would be deleted. Then you would turn to your computer and submit your work, type up a half-assed excuse as to why you wouldn’t make classes that day, then turn to your bed.

But, although you had stayed awake during the night, sleep did not come to you in the morning. The sheets smelled too much like Namjoon though you proactively cleaned them.

Today you did the same.

After sitting in the soft smell of your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend for almost an hour, you stood. You glared down at your bed and quickly ripped up the bedspread and everything else. The sound of seams and thread breaking met your ears this time but you ignored it and stuffed everything into a laundry bag.

Down at the communal laundry, you would shove the bedspread into an empty washing machine and pay the cheap price. Instead of returning to your dorm to wait, you would lean opposite of the machine and watch as water sloshed in, then the soap as it bubbled it and soaked into the fabric. The white sheets would become full of the soapy water and bubbles would crawl up the glass as it spun round and round.

The constant pitter patter of the machine caused your eyes to droop, as if welcoming the familiar sounds into sleep. You could barely slide down on a bench before your eyes were finally succumbing to sleep, the soft thrumming of the laundromat surrounding you.

The machine alerting you it had finished its cycle would wake you, startling you out of colorless dreams. You would quickly shoved everything into the dryer and go on your phone until everything was warm and smelled of fabric softener—not Namjoon.

It had become routine. For thirteen days, you followed these steps as if your life depended upon it. You ignored everyone’s concerns, even your teachers worry filled emails, your roommates’ pregnant pauses as you entered and left the room and their eyes following you wherever you moved. Your bedroom became messy, paper coffee cups and snack wrappers gathering on your desk, the floor, the space between your bed and the wall. You didn’t bother cleaning. No one was coming by anytime soon, anyways.

On the day you knew Namjoon was leaving, you finally decided to kick yourself out of the harmful and depressing routine. This time, you went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up early enough to slip into something besides sweatpants. You walked into classes like a ghost and watched when your teachers’ eyes widened as you responded to roll call. In fact, everyone’s eyes had widened a bit.

But you didn’t look up to the curious eyes, bashfully turning down to your book and doodling on the corners. Eventually, classes ended, and you had received a hefty amount of makeup work and notes. Your weekend had been planned for you.

But it was a Friday and the campus was abuzz with talks of parties and alcohol and other toxic drugs to get people off. Instead of searching for an address to forget yourself at, you turned in the direction of the library and pressed yourself into the familiar atmosphere.

Throughout college, the local library had become a small safe haven and you often found yourself spending days and nights studying between its dust lined walls and rows of endless books that hadn’t been touched in years. Everything was as you remembered it, there was light airy music playing on low and the librarian called you out by name. You greeted her and she smiled kindly back before returning to her stacks of books.

You looked at the books longingly. It was easy for you to lose yourself in a good read. Each story seemed to drag you in and never let you go. A distraction. That’s what you needed.

Head hanging low, you shuffled through the library, avoiding the wandering gazes of other classmates. You made yourself a coffee, slipping an extra dollar into the small donation box and then wandering off into a distant corner.

There were only about fifteen students in the small library at most. Each was focused on their own work and you were glad that there would be no one to disturb you.

On your way to find a seat, a stray book had caught your eye. It had been laying on an abandoned table and you scooped it up. The cover was worn for a library book, but the little, stamped slip inside the cover said no one was using it currently.

You splayed your things out on the table so no one would join you and tucked yourself into the chair, crossing your legs over themselves comfortably. The book’s first few words were a bit faded but you squinted closely and began reading.

For almost two hours, your mind was wrapped up in physics and psychology, exploring the meaning of life—or mostly the fact that there is none—and evolution of man. It took a deep cough to startle you away from your work. You did not have to look up to know who was sitting in front of you. His purple hair stood out against the bland, warm colors of the library.

From what you could see, he was dressed up in a nice suit, hair slicked up off his face. “Plane lands and we go right to the campus for an interview,” Namjoon says when he notices you staring at his out-of-place attire.

You nodded and looked over at your bag, wondering what he would do if you pulled out your headphones. “Please don’t.” He begged, already way ahead of your own thoughts.

This time, you looked up.

Though he was dressed prim and proper, his eyes were bloodshot, so you pushed your cup of coffee towards him—he probably needed it more than you anyways. Namjoon brought it to his lips and took a long, exasperated gulp.

“How long is your flight?” You asked, trying to be polite.

Namjoon’s glistening eyes dropped down to the cup in his hands. “Too long.”

You smiled—or tried to smile as much as you could in that moment. “I suppose you will be bringing a book or two then? Want a suggestion?”

Namjoon had first seen you in the library. He had first kissed you between the shelves and slipped his hands down your shorts in one of the private rooms. He had quietly rocked you against his hips and the table all those times he coaxed you into his lap to help him study.

The tall shelves that lined the floors became home to inside jokes and stolen kisses. The walls were places to press each other against and skim book descriptions on. The tables in the back became a home to nights studying and taking out frustration while fucking on top of the sticky surfaces. It was a ruthless cycle of trying to pass classes and trying not to get caught with his dick in your mouth. Sex with Namjoon was heated but slow at slow at first but later it because instant and quick, something you relied on when you didn’t have anything to say. Being with Namjoon had completely changed since that first day.

But now, as he sat in front of you, eyes tired and hands shaking from what you assume was restlessness and coffee—he’d always had an unhealthy obsession with the drink—he seemed so much different. Namjoon was always composed and seeing him in such a state frightened you.

His eyes met yours and you tried to smile. This was awkward for the both of you.

“Got anything good for me?”

You thought you were reading too deep into the question but replied anyways. “Yeah, this one called Brighton Rock by Graham Greene and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy by John le Carré—which I’ve read more than a few times now. They should keep you occupied for the flight.”

You awkwardly tapped your pencil on your book, as if trying to will him away.

Namjoon pushed back his chair, words on the tip of his tongue. He instead nods and turns, weaving himself into the shelves you’d once lost yourself in.

Namjoon didn’t come home for graduation, didn’t call or text after leaving. But you suppose your last meeting had to have been closure enough for him so it must be enough for you too. Guilt still bit at your wrists and ankles before you finally kicked it away and straightened yourself out for finals. Test results came back and you secured your own apartment out in the city for just yourself. You adopted a cat, got a well paying job and another boyfriend. But it wasn’t enough for you.

The apartment walls were too small and the cat was too annoying when you were trying to work. Even work was boring as hell and you always seemed to behind on something. It felt as if you had lost yourself, college hadn’t helped you chose a career and you still searched for better paying and most interesting jobs. Anything seemed better than the job you currently had, but it was the only one that paid you enough to afford an apartment in the city.

In the late spring, one year after you finished college, you quit your job. Walked right out in the middle of a corporate meeting with all those important people who made a real difference in the workplace.

The meeting had been boring, and you could barely see the notes you had been taking over the drowsiness eating away at your vision. Suddenly, the man standing at the front of the room had said your name, startling you out of your haze. When you looked up, he was glaring at you. You’d gotten this look from teachers and parents your entire life. But now, as a adult, it snapped in you. Your seat fell over in your rush to leave the room, sprinting down the halls, down the stairs until you reached the cool air outside.

People glared at you as you weaved quickly through the crowds but you didn’t care, letting your feet take you back to your apartment. When you finally made it there, you started roughly packing a small bag. You shot your boyfriend a text, telling him that things just weren’t working out on your end. You threw whatever you thought was most important to you in that bag and ran out the door.

At the airport everyone gave you side eyes, wondering what you were doing looking like a hot mess, hair mused, clothes crumpled. But you were in a completely different headspace, you didn’t give a single fuck about what these people who didn’t know you thought. You bought the earliest flight out of the country and rushed through security as if your life depended on it.

When you passed through the gates and gave the flight attendant your ticket, you didn’t turn back. Partially because you didn’t want to but also because you couldn’t or you might have stayed.

The flight you booked, which you had barely bothered to look at, was to France. Where specifically, you did not know, the city’s name lost in the confines of your head. But you did not stay lost, after midnight trysts with men whose names you forget now, you needed to move on. The world was waiting for you and you couldn’t bring yourself to stay in one place for more than a few weeks. Each new country was right in front of your fingers, new faces and foods you had never heard of. You dined in the fanciest to the most run-down restaurants. You captivated the people with your accent and giggles when you tried to speak their mother tongue.

You learned new languages, picking up on the most basic of things to get yourself by. It was fun not knowing though, listening to natives rapidly fire out different words in their own tongues while you sat, fascinated eyes wide. More people had shown you a good time than the people in your own country and home time and it felt nice to have the attention finally on you. Never on someone else or lingering on another body.

Men and women alike lured you into their traps, holding you to the country. In each place, you’d met more than a dozen but only one mattered in each place you ventured.

In France, it had been Ulrich. A chain smoker and heavy alcoholic, a man who swore like the sailors do, but someone with so much love an f care he didn’t know what to do with. Ulrich had been the first of many to capture your heart and mind—with nothing more than a single glance across the bar and a tug on his lips. He taught you to slow dance like the rich do in the middle of his rooftop apartment. You had spent the afternoon pushing all the furniture to the sides of the room then wrapped in each other’s arms, glass balcony doors opened, billowing white drapes hiding the outside from your view.

Ulrich’s lips were like bitter coffee that stung your own and left you craving for more. His hair was the darkest of chocolates, and eyes the color of your mother’s. In the mornings, he would let you sleep in, only waking you when the sun had begun to fall over the opposite side of the sky and the bright blues turned orange and violet and fluorescent yellow. In the afternoons, Ulrich would treat you to the streets and delights of Paris, kissing udder the Eiffel like a pair of stereotypical actors in a movie. In the nights, he would lead his kisses down the column of your neck, softly laying you into his bed. As the sun rose he would meet you out on his balcony, sprinkling hickies down your neck and shoulder, prickling goosebumps rising from your skin. He would bathe you in the dewy morning light before going to sleep with you.

But he was only an affair, much as they all were. The only time you felt you could leave him was in the night when he was fast asleep against your back. So that when he woke and walked out onto that balcony expecting to find you, Ulrich could watch the morning sun rise and think of you—think of you as you had been and as you were going to be. All he was left was an empty promise of We’ll meet again on a flimsy post-it note, stuck to the glass door of his balcony.

In Australia, you wound yourself tight into the thick accents and nights spent drunk at bars off of thick beer. Woman and men of all sorts tried to pull you in but left you high and dry when the morning rolled around, they would only faintly remember you when the sun shone through and work called their names. So you gave up on the pubs and turned to the ocean, spending hours on the sand, basking in the warmth and letting the sand stick to your damp skin.

It was midday, the tide having already come in when you spotted them. Marx and his sister Mickey had been jogging into the water, surfboards tucked underneath their tanned arms.

For the day, you watched them ride the waves as if they had been born to. Their bodies knew the water like an old friend, and when they fell into it, it enveloped them and stuck to their skin and hair, unwilling to let them go. You watched them until the sun set and the ocean became dark and monstrous, waves crashing louder and stronger than they had before. They made their giddy way across the sand and spotted you, smiling and dripping wet, sunburn coloring your cheeks. After explaining your situation, they took you in graciously as if you were their own. You fit yourself into the middle cushion of their couch and fit yourself snug into their lives as well.

Marx had given you pleasure, always tugging you back to bed whenever you tried to escape. He beckoned you with curly blonde hair and bitten cherry lips and tan skin. As soon as you looked back at him calling you back by your name, you would melt into his arms and sigh into the crook of his neck about how much you hated him. In his arms was by far your favorite place in Australia.

But Mickey, young, innocent, Mickey. She gave you a different kind of friendship you had never had before. You became her teller of secrets, gossiping over traveling and relationships, talking about boys and your personal meanings to life. You argued over your beliefs and goals and gave each other advice on hundreds of different things.

It was nearing the height of the summer, sweat a constant in the humidity, when you decided to pack your bags, only, this time, you left with something else besides an empty heart yearning for more adventures. Mickey had followed you to Hawaii.

The islands of Hawaii were much more than you expected. In Australia, Marx and Mickey had taught you how to surf—though badly—so when you pushed yourself out into the water with Mickey just a step behind, you were not thinking of the men or the drinks. All you could see was the clear water and the thousands of fish swimming beneath, coals lively and swaying like a breeze was running through their colorful bodies.

You stayed on the main island for almost two weeks before planning to pack your bags, but unlike you, Mickey had found herself a partner and you left her behind. Onto better things.

This brought you to Kahoni. He was going on vacation to get away from his parents and visit relatives that lived on the island for the summer. There you were, getting off the plane just as you were, in a natural state of happiness and euphoria. The both of you looked like complete messes, your tan finally settling into your skin, sun burn on your shoulders and high points of your face, but he was no better, his shirt stained and hair pushed in every direction. You turned to each other and smiled, as if already knowing that your stories were somehow intertwined.

When you jumped into his cab at the last second, not going to let the moment slip away, Kahoni changed his mind and asked the driver to turn the other way—towards the beach.

Kahoni showed you even more beautiful beaches and people and food. Letting you in on native secrets and taking you out for midnight fucks on the beach when the moon sparkled against the calm ocean took your breath away. He explored your daring side, fingering you in cabs and under the table in small restaurants where you could almost hear the person beside you breathing. He was exciting and intoxicating, always taking care of you and making sure you finished first, adoring it when you dug your nails into his obsidian hair and tugged on it when he fucked you, endless brow eyes drowning in yours. He would hold the door for you, buy you food and clothing fit of the Hawaiian heat and tied your shoes whenever they came undone in public.

Though you were his for the summer, he was not yours. Kahoni didn’t mind that you would go out on your own, venturing back when the sun was rising. He’d wake slightly when you climbed into bed next to him, but he’d never say a thing, only opening his arms to allow you to get closer. His only condition to the whole ordeal was that you come back to him one last night before you leave. On that fateful last day, you both booked flights out of the country and sloppily kissed goodbye at the flight gates and headed your separate ways.

As fall began to get beneath your skin, you had wound your way up to Alaska and Canada. The clothes you had packed and bought in the beginning were not fit for harsh winds, snow, and the cold. All your shoes were open-toed and you only brought along one pair of leggings. But, when you stopped at an outlet to go shopping for more weather appropriate clothes, you met Dean. He was a simple retail worker with silver hair and a good taste in music and lingerie.

Dean threw himself at you, knowing that you were what he needed to escape from his boring, small town life. So you equally threw yourself into his life, pulling him into your warmth for safe keeping. Not even a week later of crashing on his couch—really his bed—he was buying you gifts. Leaving prettily wrapped treasures around his underground apartment. Coats, wallets, purses—all things you would have to leave behind.

But, out of all of the things he had given you, a black silk nightie was your favorite. You had worn it for most of your stay in the cold climate of Canada. The only time you took it off was if you were fucking Dean or cleaning it.

Dean had what you found to be an extremely high sex drive, ravishing you on every surface of his apartment at any time of the day he wanted. You had fucked on almost every piece of furniture in a little bit over a week. The bed, the couch, the kitchen counter, against the windows, in his car, even on top of the grand piano he inherited from his mother and shoved into the corner of his living room—which had been untouched before you.

You were with him for three weeks before you packed up the silk piece—the only thing you would ever take away from Kieran besides yourself—and went on your way. You once again left in the middle of the night, the only thing hinting your absence was a sticky note you plastered to his fridge reading I’ll miss you in messy hand writing.

Hawaii had been enough for you, so instead of sauntering around the fifty states, you flew down to Mexico. Winter had also just begun and you didn’t think you could handle anything colder than what was in your heart.

There had been no one special for you in Mexico, but instead of losing yourself in the tall, dark men, you found yourself lain with the beautiful women. You had never been one for such a thing but when someone whispered Live a little, baby, you didn’t stop yourself like all those other times. You were enraptured by thick, silky black hair and chocolate eyes, heartwarming giggles and screams of your name.

You found yourself staying in Mexico for almost two months, riding out the rest of the winter in the heat of its beautiful country and enthralling clubs. The bars never closed and people stayed up all hours of the night, fucking and kissing and drinking and doing whatever the fuck they wanted because they could.

But there was still no one special that could keep you there one more night—besides maybe the deliciously spicy food—so you moved on with a longing kiss goodbye from some a woman you barely knew.

Although the South Americas were alike to Mexico, they were completely their own. The culture of both places thrived and lived within each person you had met. But in Brazil, the parties were greater than you had ever experienced. They were loud, rambunctious, and exactly what you had been searching for. Everyone was interested and captured by your presence, each wanting a taste of the foreigner.

But you never gave into them, already having been captured by a man named Caio. He was tall, looming over you at six feet and nine inches. He was broad and went to the gym every day. In his arms you felt protected and secure, indifferent to those around you as you had found a tall, dark haired, mysterious man for your own.

Although someone who looked like him could have been paid to be on television, he was a chef. It was what kept you turning around at the door each time—aside from his strong grip. The smell of heavenly food wafting from the kitchen kept you always hungry and yearning for more. He treated you to the delicacies of his native area as well as his own interests.

He brought you on hikes up mountains and through busy streets, tugging you along like a happy child, explaining the rich history of the cities and country. He even ventured so far as to take you to the statue of Christ the Redeemer, pressing a kiss to your cheek as a stranger snapped a picture of the two of you in front of it.

Being with Caio made you gain and lose so much weight you were going crazy. He would feed you then take you on longs walks or entice you into going into the gym with him. But you needed a break and so did he. The restaurant he worked at was asking to work dinners as well as breakfast and being the free heart you, wanted to be free as well. He drove you to the airport, helping you with your luggage, paying for your plane ticket, then slapping your ass as you walked away.

Just like in Southern America, you had become enchanted by the lavish culture of Africa. All the people were kind as well and you always felt like all your needs had been catered to the fullest and then more. In Africa, you became friends with a street artist. He had been painting you as you sat and watched people in a park, taking a break from your constantly moving lifestyle to sit back and appreciate life at its simplest. When you noticed him, he smiled—wide and gummy. You patted the free space next to you on the bench and he jogged across the park to meet you. He immediately introduced himself as Jai.

From then on, the two of you were inseparable. Jai showed you the culture that sprung from every corner and crevice and doorstep and you in turn became the centerpiece for many of his beautiful illustrations and paintings and sketches, your curves and edges drawn out in bright colors and dark charcoal. Some days, you would spend time watching him paint in his top floor suite that overlooked the Lagos in Nigeria; others, you would lay on the couch as he sketched out your naked body on a rough piece of parchment. Then, the two of you would go out into the city and talk for hours, mouths spewing information about the people you’ve met and the paces you’ve been and the things you’ve experienced.

You found yourself on a sex and alcohol strike with Jai, instead of going out for drinks, you sat with locals at mom-owned restaurants and talked about the differences of your homes and they taught you their native languages.

You stayed with Jai the longest of all, two months passing by quickly in the presence of someone you would come to call the most unique and kind-hearted person you’ve ever met. Jai was your best friend by the end of your time spent together. He had always longed of seeing places besides his own home country, always eating up your stories of midnight rendezvous and the different people and cities and landscapes. You were like a good book he never wanted to put down.

You offered to take him with you on your next venture to Russia and China but he refused, staying behind and wishing you well. You took down his address and promised to write if you could. He would try sending you a few letters later but you would never respond. It would be too hard to relive those memories without longing to go back.

You were only in Russia and China when you decided that you had depleted your bank account enough and experienced so much that you thought it time you finally returned home. You didn’t want to but you found yourself on a flight home, angry at the prospect of having to go back to dull routine and monotonous work. You had been gone for a year, age and new experiences nipping at your body, begging you to continue your journey. But you forcefully ignored the thoughts and took a cab back home.

The apartment was cold when you first stepped into it and your cat curled herself around your leg, meowing loudly, tail swinging around your ankles. Mail and reminders of taxes and papers reminding you of actual adult responsibilities loitered the table beside your front door. But you ignored those, scooped up your cat and fell into the warmth of your bed. Being an adult could wait another day.

The next morning, you rolled over at one in the afternoon, rubbing your tired eyes. You wanted to go back to sleep but responsibility ate away at you and dragged you out of bed, puppeteering you like a marionet around your apartment.

You read the notes left by your mother who had agreed to take care of your animal as you rushed out of the country on a whim. Your sweet mother had faithfully written out a letter each week she came over explaining things you had missed and you slowly took in everything she wrote on those pages. In one of the letters, you took note of your mom mentioning a man who was standing in front of your door one day she came by but left when she approached. She talked about how your cat had needed a vaccination and she took care of the vet bill for you. After putting your favorite letters in a drawer you turned to the tabe beside your front door covered in mail.

Your mother had said she looked through it and got rid of unimportant things but there was so many letters. You felt too hungry to take them on, on an empty stomach so you ordered for food delivery and started tackling the pile.

It would be a week before you managed to come out of your apartment—thank God for delivery and your mother bringing you food whenever you needed it. You filed all your taxes and caught up on all your bills and such. You even sent out a dozen applications for jobs that you thought you would enjoy. Thankfully, one company had replied within twenty-four hours, asking for an interview so they could go over your resume. It brought you into the heart of the city, a place you hadn’t been in over a year.

Despite being gone for over a year making your way across the globe and discovering yourself, life was granting you some peace and ease, giving you a job and letting you be financially stable despite all the money spent in foreign countries.

But of course, it’s not that easy and life decided to throw you a curve ball.

The early morning rush keeps you packed tight into the crowd, shoulders pressed together, head down as you try to make your way to work. But of course, with your luck, someone pushing against the crowd runs directly into you, of all people. You’re completely stunned and pissed off, completely bewildered at the disrespect some people possess. “Are you fucking—”

When you finally looked up at the person from the ground, you weren’t expecting to see a familiar face. Namjoon was grimacing, rubbing his wrist. Just like you had, he began angrily spewing off swears, but he finally looked down and saw you and it all faded away.

It takes Namjoon a second to register your face through your new haircut and color, but as soon as he realizes who he’s looking at, his expression turns from angry to confused. “What are you doing here and why did you run into me?” He accuses.

You push yourself up off the ground seeing as Namjoon clearly isn’t going to help you. “I think it’s you who ran into me.” You state mater-of-factually, dusting yourself off in annoyance.

You never expected that seeing him would bring such annoyance and anger.

The crowd walks around you, creating a wall on each side, making you feel like it’s just the two of you. “No, I—”

You cut Namjoon off, raising your hand to his face, “Listen, you were walking against the majority, take another route next time.”

He looks down at you dumbfounded. When you had been together, you would never say anything so snippy towards him, every word had been airy and light. But after a moment, he realizes that you grew up, much like he had. Things had changed in the long two years apart and he couldn’t expect things to be the way they had been.

“Look, I’d love to stay and chat but I have an actual job to get to.” You roll your eyes and walk away, your shoulder brushing his as you pass by.

When your shoulder brushes his, something snaps in him. In the time he was away, Namjoon had become sick of you pushing him away and ignoring his calls. Now, he just wanted closure as the last time you saw him you had been as fake as a Barbie doll. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he only wanted to fulfill his own dreams—he didn’t plan on leaving you behind either. Why couldn’t you just understand that and stop being a self-absorbed bitch?

Namjoon spins around to catch our wrist, but instead you’re already lost in the hundreds of people walking up the street and he has caught the hand of an old man, holding onto the stranger like his life depends on it. Namjoon apologizes and stalks off, making his way through the crowd once again.

You had never been a great cook, meaning that almost three nights a week, your mother would have to come over with leftovers so that you didn’t starve or waste all your money on take out. So, of course, when you hear a knock at the door, you rush over at the prospect of your mom’s home cooking.

Hastily, you hop off the couch and skid along the tile floors to the door, ready to devour whatever dish your mom has brought you today. “Mom, perfect timing.”

The world really is against you, isn’t it? Your mom isn’t standing there with food in a saran wrapped plate, instead, in her place is Namjoon, staring at you with scrunched brows and lips pressed to a thing line.

Namjoon pushes himself into your apartment, not saying anything until he’s standing in the middle of your kitchen. He grips the edge of your marble counter, knuckles white in frustration. “What. The. Fuck." He grits.

“How the fuck did you know where I live?” You seethe. Who the fuck does Namjoon think he is? Showing up to your apartment after two years and forcing his way in without saying anything.

Right now, you’ are just as angry as Namjoon and if you weren’t raised the way you were, you would be smacking him unconscious and then calling the police. “Do you not know what the internet is?” Namjoon laughs obnoxiously.

You stand with a blank face and Namjoon smirks as if saying I’m-so-much-smarter-than-you-ha-ha-ha. “Why can’t you just fucking let this go?” You ask after a pause, throwing up your arms in frustration. “I got over you a long time ago and I think you need to do the same.”

“If you’re over me, then why can I do this?”

Namjoon is in front of you before you can take another breath, his lips coming down on you like a waterfall. He pulls you into him from the waist like you’re the cure to his homesickness, and he drinks you up like an alcoholic returning to his poison. Your anger melts off you slowly and you kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you trying to make up for all the lost time.

His lips fit in yours like a puzzle piece and you can’t help but think that this is what you had been searching for all this time. All those countries and all those men and women had never been made for you in the way that Namjoon was.

When he pulls back, he leans his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “I’m sorry.” He presses a soft kiss to the tip of your nose and you close your eyes, leaning into the touch. “Can I kiss you?”

Namjoon had always asked you before kissing you, no matter what. It had become a quirk you were so used to and accustomed to that you almost forgot how special it made you feel. In the year you had been together, Namjoon had never not asked for your permission. When you once asked why he did it , he said that it was because he didn’t want to force you into an uncomfortable situation and he didn’t want to pressure you.

“Yes.” You breathe, tilting your head to capture his lips in yours.

His tongue dampens your bottom your lip and you slacken your jaw to allow him in. It’s breathless, sloppy, and full of the lust you’d been yearning for in the last year. Even after so long, Namjoon knows your body like his own and he grips you in just the right places to have you arching your back into him and moaning into his touch.

He pulls away again and the two of you are breathing heavy with bitten red lips and goofy smiles, staring into each other’s eyes passionately. Your hand slips down into his and you lock your fingers together tightly; he brings your hand up to his lips and peppers kisses against your knuckles.

You drag him to your bedroom and fall onto the mattress with an airy laugh. Namjoon kneels at the edge of the bed, placing himself between your spread legs. He runs his cold hand up the inside of your thigh, eliciting goosebumps up your legs as he pulls off your shorts, placing kisses where your skin is now bare.

Namjoon steadies his hands on your hips, massaging the skin carefully while leaving wet, open mouthed kisses along your pelvis. “Can I?” Namjoon asks, lips inches away from pantie line, tongue gliding over the bite marks he imprinted on your skin.

“Please.” You helplessly breathe, threading your fingers through his hair, trying to tug him closer to where you needed and missed him the most.

Within seconds, the thin fabric of your undergarments is thrown to the other side of the room and Namjoon’s cold fingers circles your clit. He’s careful to wind you up slowly, the pleasure bubbling up calmly so he can take his time with you and adore you in all the ways you deserve. It’s hard to keep your legs spread open for him, your instinct being to wrap your thighs around his head and suffocate him in your heat.

Namjoon makes a V with his fingers and slides them up your heat, trapping your slit in between his ring covered digits. With a moan, you arch your back into the cool feeling of the steel rings and his cold fingers against your sex. Namjoon pulls away but repeats his action again, holding your waist down with his other hand as your hips rock into the sensation. Your body is already shivering under him and Namjoon can’t help but feel cocky that you’re so quickly unraveled by a few simple strokes.

He dips his head, grabbing your legs to pull you closer to him so he can lay his tongue flat against your heat. His tongue delves between your slit and you grip his hair even tighter, biting down on your bottom lip to hold back your groggy moans. But the breath in your lungs is stolen away when he swirls his tongue around your clit and takes it between his full lips.

Electricity sizzles through your abdomen and you scream his name, so foreign yet so familiar on your lips. Namjoon smiles against your cunt and massages the inside of your thighs softly as he takes your clit between his lips again, sucking on the sensitive bundle.

You rock yourself against his face shamelessly, soaking up the pleasure and electrifying it as his tongue dances deceitfully against you. You need him, had always needed him, and the knots in your stomach and the anxiety you had ignored for so long were dissipating under him, slithering away with a sad smile.

Namjoon lets you ride out your orgasm against him, thumb pressing circles into your clit, tongue dancing around your dripping cunt. You breathe heavily as your orgasm dies down and Namjoon pulls away, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

“Let me make love to you,” Namjoon smiles and presses a kiss against the damp skin of your neck. You nod and run your nails lightly down his back, lifting your leg as he pushes his pants down and presses his tip to your entrance. Namjoon hovers over you for a moment, eyes nervous. “Do you remember our safe word?”

You nod and tangle your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling you closer to you. Namjoon slides into you naturally and your walls stretch deliciously around him. He bites down on his bottom lips, screwing his eyes shut at the feeling of you around him again. Namjoon takes a moment to gather himself, taking deep breathes and laying his head on your shoulder.

When you begin to tighten around him, he mewls like a kicked puppy, hips jerking. “Namjoon.” You breathe in his hair, pressing kisses into his temple as you run your hand up back. He shakes his head but finally starts to move, pulling himself back before thrusting into you.

His hard cock presses into the heat of your tight cunt and every time he pulls out the erotic sound of your two bodies joining together meets your ears. Namjoon angles himself into you in a way he knows oh so well, so when he snaps his hips to meet yours, his cock slides over that special bundle of nerves with each thrust. He sets a pace of long, slow thrusts. Each one sends waves of heat over your already scorching muscles. You feel spent from your first orgasm but a second one rising out of nothing, urging you to spread your legs farther and tighten even more around him.

You close your eyes and give into the feeling of him inside of you, nothing like the men before him. He knows your body so well, is always knows exactly where to be and when. He knows the places that make you scream his name and dig your nails into his back like he’s asking for it—and he pretty much is.

But, he surprises you when his finger starts to swirl around your clit again. Your thighs shake from the pressure building in your stomach and you don’t know how much longer you can hang onto this very thin thread he has you hanging from. You pull Namjoon closer and press your lips messily against his.

You bite down on his bottom lip and curl your tongue into his mouth. But it proves too hard to keep yourself together as his thrusts become harder and more urgent. You lean your head back into the mattress and let the pleasure wash over you, cleansing you like a baptism.

Arched off the sheets, legs locking Namjoon against your chest, lips parted. A cry grows in your chest, traveling up to spill over the tip of your tongue and leave your trembling lips. Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon.

He snaps his hips and finishes inside of you, locking your lips in his to hold back the animalistic grunts rumbling from his chest. Namjoon grips your hips with both hands as you pulse around him, grabbing him from reality and dragging him ever so much closer to you.

In space and time, there is a place for you. Namjoon knows this now. Though it may not work out later, he knows, really knows that no one will ever replace the space you take up in his world. It’s a god damned big space but as long as, in this moment, with you crying out his name with euphoria dripping off your tongue like a symphony, if he stays just for a moment, it won’t matter in the end. It won’t matter because this is love. This is the ring on the finger and the deal breaker all in one.

The end of your third year out of college brought nights spent wondering who you were, but also knowing that being tucked between the wall and his chest like this would be enough. Nights were spent up late working and sipping expensive wine on your couch while reruns of shows you’ve already watched play in the background. Summer had been a blessing and a curse, with a new husband and a baby on the way, you knew everything would turn out alright in the end.

note : inspired by the songs “Hotline Bling” by Drake and “White Lie” by Jhameel. this turned out longer than i expected but happy birthday, namjoon!

Thank you for reading! Find more from me, July, here.

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