#need more screaming and crying from them
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What if instead of leaving, Lawrence insisted on staying with Adam because he loves him but Adam knows he's gonna bleed out if he stays and he doesn't want that to happen because he loves Lawrence and so they both need to leave so he tells Lawrence to saw his foot off for him because he's too scared to do it himself and when Lawrence goes to do it, Adam is freaking out and scared and half regretting it but Lawrence eventually does it and it's fucking brutal.
Adam is screaming and crying and passes out from the pain because since Lawrence is already weak and hazy from his ordeal, it takes him longer that it took for his own foot and he also has trouble keeping steady and such and he kind of butchers him a little bit and he cries too while it's happening because he feels so bad but after it's done Lawrence wraps his wound and wakes him up and they just drag themselves out just drowning in agony.
#i love when characters do that thing where they surffer horrible agony#need adam in severe pain#need more screaming and crying from them#chainshipping#adam faulkner stanheight#lawrence gordon#saw 2004#tw dismemberment#need more suffering from them#it fuels me#this scenario would be so so gooooood
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Emotions are high and the vibes could not be better today!
"Pretty awesome. Lot of emotions. Feels pretty hefty but like, fuck we're Stanley Cup Champions!"
When asked who the Cup is for? No hesitation, the fans.
"They sponsor us. It's for them. It's for them. Like they deserve it, they've been waiting for it, like it's for them."
how do you endear yourself to the fans? i think chugging a brewski while they chant your name will do it! and also complimenting them that too oh what a darling
CBS News Miami | 6.25.24 (x)
#niko mikkola#florida panthers#at this point im gonna need a seperate tag called “mikksys drunk adventures”#i dont think this man has been sober since the eve of yesterday#HIS VOICE IS SO HOARSE FROM ALL THE SCREAMING AND DRINKING#him saying fuck on cbs news miami is so iconic of him YES KING#also he mightve said “hefty” or “heavy” as in referring to the weight of the cup but both work so like pick your own answer#NIKO NIKO NIKO#have you heard anything more beautiful#“fuck we're stanley cup champions” THATS ACTUALLY MORE BEAUTIFUL#ALSO “its for them [the fans]” 😭😭😭#MIKKSY I JUST STOPPED CRYING DONT MAKE ME START UP AGAIN#first year here and he knows how to work some heartstrings WHILE DRUNK#is it funnier hes more coherent in english whilst drunk versus sober#aka his inhibitions are gone and hes not carefully measuring his words anymore and by god its beautiful#he has a tendency to trail off a lot in eng and end with yeah despite the fact he wants to say a lot more#YEAH MIKKSY YEAHHHH#hes such a hazard to himself hes WATERBOARDING HIMSELF COME ON MAN#tags running long i just love ma wifeeee
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Gomzzzzz hello!!! I’ve been lurking in your blog for like, over a year now and I just wanted to say, your art is so freaking amazing and cute....the big cheeks!! I’ve always struggled with confidence in my own work, to the point where sharing anything felt almost impossible (stare at my stuff for hours only to delete them) But seeing you do your thing? I decided to try posting too. Okay it took a while but when I did I was fully expecting it to get like… 2 likes, max. But then YOU reblogged it, and my phone basically exploded. I’m not even kidding—my notifications were wild, and for the first time, I actually felt proud of something I made. It might sound silly and you probably don't know which art of mine you reblog but it really hyped me up and frankly...i found back the feel to draw again. I can't thank you enough for doing what you do, for making cod space a better and nicer place (your reblogs on others are always soooo positive and top tier)
Anyway, I’m keeping myself anonymous because, uhhh, social anxiety vibes and don’t want to overwhelm you;w; but I hope you know how much you’ve impacted people like me just by being yourself. I’m wishing you the absolute best for 2025!! zapping you with my beams to give you braincells for your school stuff
you deserve all the good things fr
-🦈
🥹
CryING iN THE CLUB— (my room)
Shark anon, thank you for the sweetest words, I really needed this today…and I’m so proud of you for finding back the love to draw again. I hope 2025 will be a blast for you too man!! Remember to take rest and have a good year ahead
#im trying to guess who you are…#theres a few people in my head but I really cant be sure…i did text one of them to check but its unlikely#i feel like you’re right tho if u didnt remain anon i would’ve panic#LMAO#i know its weird and like hard to really like what you draw i feel ya#idk about me making the fandom space nicer im just being chaotic af tho NDJSJDJSJS BUT THANK YOU 😭#this year I’ve been digging thru the tags and trying to find more creators around and share it to everyone#give the lil boost cuz they can do so much#i started from zero its time i give some of those numbers to everyone else#bee is this u (bcuz of the face) if its u im smothering u with love gdi#urhhjjjhghhhh (rubs my face + deep breath) ok i think im good#(breathes out) nope im crying again (SOBS LOUDLY)#its the stress hsing this opportunity to release itself#ok but this is genuinely so nice of you i really cant#even word it properly without JFJSJDJS WITHOUT SCREAMING EEEEEHHHRGGGH#im gonna exPLODE#LOVE LETTER FOR ME BASICALLY#you guys are too nice 😭💛#boop#naur man this needs to be added to my pin post or somewhere so i can reread it#ask response#thanks for the ask <3#gomz having a melt down#sorry btw if this response is short my brain is still full of uni stuff i HRGH#didnt wanna make u wait either#<3#just know i’ll be thinkinf about this forever#njjrjjjnnnn *gomz melts*
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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#russ ballard#argent#argent band#god gave rock and roll to you#2010#sorry wait i needed another#few gifs#from this#with captions#because aaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#yeah i have still been crying about this repeatedly since may#russ was singing#and then the audience joined in while he was still singing#and then he just stopped and let them sing#and just#the look#on his face#of love#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAGJHGFKHJKFDH#i'm done typing because the more i type about it here the more ic ry about it#bye#he's so cute pleaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE i'm ogoing to scream
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Me: *creates an OC*
Me: *heavily implies OC will meet a bad fate*
OC: *meets bad fate*
Me:
(Alternatively, I may have started it, but @katkastrofa enabled me and now I’m losing my mind)
#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#first rule of interacting with Nia: don’t suggest a dark/whumpy/extremely angsty concept to them#they’ll take it and run a marathon with it and next thing you know their own ideas are making them cry#this is just what happens when I start developing an OC during a rough time in my life#happens every time. guess who came up with Summiya’s fall from grace after their college application fell through??#and since Summiya has a more or less completed storyline. it’s now someone else’s turn#namely Jia’s. also Sunat’s but. mostly Jia’s. Sunat is more angst than whump and I’m craving PAIN#I’ve been frothing at the mouth thinking about Jia all day#just.. imagine how terrified she must have been when she was brought before Jusamah. when he said that he’d make her talk one way or another#and if she doesn’t want to obey and confess willingly… something else can be arranged#how her fear got even worse when she was dragged into the palace dungeons. when she saw the whipping post#begging for mercy as she was stripped and tied. swearing on her life that she doesn’t know anything. that she’s innocent#rambling incoherently right up until the first hit lands. after that it’s just screams and sobs and barely audible ‘I don’t know’s#all the while she’s yelled at by a man three times her age who refuses to believe that she truly doesn’t know anything#and she doesn’t. all she did was point Aiza in a direction. she has no proof she even went in it#I don’t want to get to graphic here but let’s just say I read an article on whipping and it’s.. it’s bad#the aftermath is brutal and bloody and passing out from the pain would be a mercy#and afterwards… I do think someone is called to tend to her so she doesn’t bleed to death before they can get a confession out of her#and that person is kind. if a little detached emotionally. and likely her back could have been salvaged if the whipping didn’t repeat#but it did. because they need her to confess. maybe the excruciating pain of reopened wounds will get her to talk…#it doesn’t. she never says anything. and after a while they move on from torture to locking her up and starving her#maybe that’ll finally break her. perhaps she’s still whipped occasionally even afterwards but for the most part she’s just left alone-#in some dark cell and questioned occasionally. it lasts anywhere from weeks to months and yet she never gives out the one detail she knows#because Aiza’s safety depends on it and she knows Aiza’s punishment will be much worse than hers if she’s caught#but anyway. enough of the bloody horror show. instead think about what it must’ve been like for her parents#the town is alight with scandal following the disappearance of Lady Aiza. you know a bit about her since your daughter works for her#you don’t hear from your daughter for a while. eventually someone tells you that she’s been convicted of helping Lady Aiza run away#she’s been under interrogation since. no one’s seen her but rumour has it they’re torturing her. there’s little you can do as a poor family#you request an audience with Lord Jusamah. it takes a long time to to be granted but eventually you’re before him begging for your daughter#apparently she’s proven to be a useless waste of resources so she’s released to you. you barely recognise her. AND I REACHED TAG LIMIT FML
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I'm a firm believer that if wei wuxian and jiang cheng reconcile, it has to be messy. they need to scream and sob and hit each other and get it all out of their system, and only after it's all aired out can they actually start rebuilding their relationship
#mdzs#yunmeng bros reconciliation can't be peaceful and pretty#they need to ugly cry and at least one of them needs to end up with a black eye or something#honestly this is more for jc's benefit than wwx's#but that's because wwx's confrontation style is to simply. avoid it.#if left to his own devices he will not talk about that shit#he will just avoid jiang cheng forever and never talk about it and be miserable#but they NEED to talk about it#and jiang cheng's confrontation style involves getting angry and crying#basically i think they need to be locked in a room for a few hours so they can scream at each other#and then theyll be okay#they get let out of the locked room and wwx's nose is broken and jc has burst blood vessels from crying so hard#but theyre back to joking around and shoving each other playfully so things are better now
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do you have a spiritual and mental connection to the dead boy in your house or are you normal
#this is about matt like they even have a poem about how intertwined they are i need to go back in time and make this movie more about them#the haunting in connecticut#matt campbell#kyle gallner#ant posts stuff#like i need more scenes of matt with his eyes rolled back walking through the house he doesnt respond to his name jonahs in control of hin#showing him flashes of whats in the house matts straining to breath and when hed pulled out of it hes like im fine? his siblings are#scared of him towards the end when the priest is tearing jonah from the house we have matt screaming clawing at himself crying begging#them to stop he even has a seizure they think they are saving him infact they are killing them both its only after matts admited with his#skin carved up that he sees the burnt jonah still cries and accepts him back inside they cant exist without eachother
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"KAGEHINA clips for edits" youtube video and you DON'T include season 1 episode 4 "nobody was there/i'm here" ???????? disliked unsubbed reported blocked on twitter ip banned WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE A KAGEHINA CLIPS VIDEO AND DID NOT INCLUDE S1 EP4 ARE YOU INSANE??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#all the clips are just them talking to each other or standing next to each other#I WISH I WAS KIDDING#literally not One freak quick attack im going to paint your entire bedroom neon orange and install brightness forever lights in your ceilin#i NEEEEED more people to start being crazy about s1 ep4 THAT EPISODE WAS CRAZY#also i need the jackals/adler's match to be animated#like i think i need that more than anything#that way it doesn't fucking matter what clips get thrown into a compilation that entire match was a kagehina compilation#“somebody even better will come find you” 30000 CASUALTIES#every time i open up haikyuu manga volume 44 and 45 i start foaming at the mouth screaming and crying WHYA RE THEY LIKE THAT#i hate kageyama and hinata they are the worst hcaracters ever i hate them i hate them and their stupid gay ass relationship i hate them#volleyball guys#also like no hate whatsoever to the person who uploaded the original compilation vid i literally do not care#i just forgot to move the clips from my old laptop onto my new one and now i want to edit but i can'tttttt because i don't have the clipsss
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I think I've fucked up
#i ranted to my girlfriend and i know she probably is just busy but my brain is screaming that i made her upset even though..#my rant was about my own situation and how i feel about it and then i apologized for complaining at her and said that i wasn't supposed to#and I'm worried she thinks she's not supposed to complain to me when i just meant that i don't like telling people about my shit#and i know she said i could tell her and that she wants to support me but she and my boyfriend are my first relationships#and i don't want to fuck up and i think i have and i haven't told my boyfriend about my diagnosis yet#and I'm scared I'll complain at him too when i tell him and i don't care that he's told me i can and should complain to him#i don't want to saddle them with my complaints#and i called out of work because of how I'm feeling from my diagnosis and that's what i ranted to my girlfriend about#and i'm terrified she doesn't want to date me anymore because my reaction to being diagnosed with one more thing is so fucking pathetic#and i just need to cry and scream and throw up and i can't do any of those things and i feel like everyone except her is telling me#it's no big deal when it is a big deal and i don't think i got it through to my therapist and I'm just freaked out and i don't want to cling#and and and I'm just. i hate existing right now#i feel like i shouldn't do what i want to at home because i called out from work and i know that's stupid but i don't feel like i deserve#nice things right now despite needing them and I'm just so tired but not sleepy and i feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and#i can't even do anything about it!#fuck#i fucked myself over basically#anyway#drink water you heathens
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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I can’t believe I started this AU five years ago as a silly joke and now I’m absolutely feral over it.
Because!
Because for Felix it’s like, what if you’ve never been able to trust a single emotion you feel because you can’t be sure if it’s your own or if it’s someone else’s that you’ve mistakenly collected into your subconscious? What if you’ve never been able to trust a single emotion someone’s felt about you because you can’t be sure if it’s what they actually feel or if it’s your own that you’ve mistakenly projected onto them? So you resolve not to feel at all, to train your mind and body until you’re more a weapon than a person, and set yourself on an arrow-straight trajectory, always moving forward. But how do you stay the course when the only person who has made you want to feel is always there, footstep for footstep, urging you along? What truly scares you more, that they don’t mean the things they say, that the devotion they claim to feel is just a resonance of the feelings they inspire in you? Or that they do? You are a weapon, now. You are only capable of inflicting pain. But for a weapon, you do so fear the fresh wound’s sting.
Because for Sylvain it’s like, sometimes you become the thing you fear the most simply by trying to run away. You were born to prove someone else’s point, to provide validity to a interplanetary thesis. Raised by one parent to triumph in a war that ended before you were even born, by the other to carry the banner of a legacy. Little thought was given to your wishes. You sit squarely between two worlds, a human tether, but what—or who—is it that tethers you? You’ve loved him for so long, now. It doesn’t feel the same, loving anyone else, no matter how many times you’ve tried. So what will you do when he leaves, when he abandons you to the emptiness you’ve been trying to drown in the depths of your feelings for him? When it is only you, left in the dark. Without the legacy, without the future that was chosen for you. Who do you become, then?
Because.
#girl help I have been lost in my feelings over this for so long#10k and six different word documents and I don’t even have a single coherent scene because#it’s all just thoughts and emotions and outlines#I should give up and move on but#screaming shaking crying#it’s felix nearly starting a war after two minutes of accidentally glimpsing the chaos inside dimitri’s head#it’s mercedes so full of guilt for abandoning her own brother that she follows felix across the galaxy to be someone he can lean on#and it’s sylvain#sylvain retiring from starfleet at the age of 23 due to an injury that Felix inadvertently caused#one that should be fixable but isn’t because it’s more than just flesh that’s damaged#and having to live a life that’s his alone and not a product of his parent’s influence#and all of them still ending up back on the deck of the uss faerghus because their love for dimitri is so complete#I’m going to delete this in an hour when I’m less emotional#I need a tag for this au so you all can block it#tactility: a primer
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For all the teething I've been doing on Pavo and Esti i haven't been able to like, actually write any thing for them recently mostly because I've been Busy.
But also because I'm snapping between like 3 ideas for them at terminal velocity and haven't been able to actually get anything written for them and it's like having pumas bouncing around my skull at mach fuck as though theyre house cats at 2 am when you're trying to sleep,
#idea one is the day after things start changing and they haven't discussed it fully yet.#Pavo is mulling over some things and Esti is too nervous to ask about it. but they're alone out hunting#its such a nice day. and Esti thinks hes going to be saying goodbye soon. and hes making himself sick with anxiety over it#and they're alone together like old times but its Not like old times because Esti remembers how sweetly Pavo had kissed him that#morning after and how good it had felt to spend the whole morning in bed cureld up against him.#and Esti doesnt think he could stomach the idea of leaving without getting another kiss or at least finding out if Pavo regretted it or not#and the story is them being sweet on each other and avoiding the big heavy topic until Esti can verbally ask about it. because like Pavo#knows him well enough to know whats eating him up. but he wants to hear Esti say the words#and then the second idea is Esti waking up from a nightmare after hes been brought home from that hell. he screams for Pavo and#like of course pavo is on his feet and at the door that separates their rooms in an instant. but its locked and Esti is too#scared to navigate to it because hes already wound up and hes still not used to life as a blind man. so the idea of getting out of bed#and crossing an open room with nothing to help him orient himself is Terrifying.#probably more than it should be but the nightmares are still fresh in his head and hes having to make himself focus and ignore them#and just reasure himself that it Actually is Pavo and not one of those monster that had used his voice. and its hard hes crying and Pavo#has to take down part of the fucking door frame to get the sliding door off its tracks without just busting it down since Esti didn't#need that particular audio experience right now and he liked that doors painting and Pavo had already sent for the craftsperson who#made his eyes to commission them to make a set for esti. and he doesn't want to destroy something pretty esti likes when itll only be a few#until esti can enjoy it again. and he gets into the room and esti scooches over in bed to welcome him into it because despite Everything#esti still will always feel safer pinned between a wall and Pavo than anywhere else. and he just needs to feel safe.#and the third thing is because of something deardest said a yesterday i think about Pavo in his old age. and im just Chewing on the image#of him and esti in his carriage. Esti's hair has gone white and hes nearing his end. and thentwo of them are together and happy#and able to reflect on the lives they've had together. and its mostly just the idea of Pavo being glad hes so much older than Esti. because#it means despite Esti only being half demon and having a much shorter life because of it. Pavo isnt going to outlive him by very long.#and All of this. Everything was because of how scared Pavo was to be alone. and hes not going to have to be in his last days.#so Yeah. thats been whats on my mind when im not devoting it to like lame shit like work#wow im bad at reading#their url is derederest#not deardest
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Damn yesterday me telling my friend I could bring her a stick of butter today but now all I want to do is day drink and smoke weed and watch sunny and cry about everything
#got in a weird fight with my mother that wasn’t really a fight and was more her saying you need to stop being a dick about my boyfriend even#tho this is me being good like I have so many worse things to say in my head I am just barely being rude#they’ve known each other for like at most two months#and this dude is talking about going on out of the country trips he keeps saying to my mom ‘we need to get you a passport’ and like dude#1 you barely know each other and just started dating 2 my fathers urn is ten feet from you. he is in my peripheral vision while you say this#3 I have serious abandonment issues and the idea of my mother going strange places with strange men seems. frightening. to say the least.#4. he’s talking about taking this trip in a year or maybe two from now#5. it feels like he is changing my mother and if they stay together I don’t think I will ever get the version of my mother I’m familiar with#back and that triggers my abandonment shit which makes me think about my dad which makes me cry#and then I’m crying and my mom is mad at me and she feels different and I feel different and the version of me that my dad knew is gone and#everything is going to keep changing for forever and my dad is in the past forever and there’s nothing I can do about it he’s just dead and#I want to scream and cry and drink and smoke until I throw up but I have to stop sobbing and go put shorts on that don’t have a hole in them#and bring my friend a stick of butter
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wow okay today was one of the most emotionally draining days i’ve gone through in recent history. and that’s saying something
#this show is making everyone angry constantly and sapping their energy and sympathy#i learned! that i experience trauma flashbacks! during a fucking run of the show!#had a flashback and silent panic attack and spent hours coming down from it#got to unwind with friends which was much needed#but then one of my friends exposed my crush in front of people who did not know. which uh. is not something i can just brush off#and thats minor and will be fine but god this week has been fucking shit and it’s one more thing#also missed class bc of tech and i feel guilty about that even though i have no reason to#i have so much fucking shit due across the next week and no physical time to work on it bc of performances#i’m gonna have a breakdown and cry i think#and i want to call my parents but i’m also. a little scared bc of this flashback i don’t want to accidentally make it worse when looking for#- comfort. especially bc i can’t fucking tell them#this semester has FUCKING SUCKED. i want to scream and cry#ted talks
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reminded of them trapping me under their full body weight and whispering in my ear, bullying me, calling me pathetic and stupid for even trying to get them off me
#howls#theres hearts in my eyes can u fucking see#when they pulled back a lil so they can shove their cock in me and i pulled my legs forward so i could kick them and oush them further away#im never going to shut up about this im going to be thinking about them raping me like that forever and ever#so polite tho. i asked him to not leave hickeys on my neck and he didnt <3#did leave a bright purple bruise on my fucking ear from biting it though#no hickeys from that night#just bite bruises on my arm ear and chest because hes a fucking animal#and he fucked me like a monster 👍#i need that again holy shit#after he said he was hoping i would pass out when he was choking me 😵💫#and he spit in my fucking eyes so i couldnt see#i wanna scream and cry and beg for him to force himself on me again#need him to get me intoxicated next#only downside was that while i was at work he was threatening me with a knife but never pulled a knife on me while he was over :/#i put on specific underwear that he could cut off me#i wanted him to pull a knife on me to get me to stay still only for him to cut me anyways#ofc he knows this dw. i am the bitch that told him i thought he would do more and that it would be better once we were done 💀#he was like 'was it all that you hoped for?' and i was like ?no#it wasnt bad obviously 👍 but he is not as strong as i expected and neither am i#and i expected there to be more than one round and i expected to actually leave bleeding 🤷♀️#and dw. i did make fun of him for not being able to bruise me without the help of some kind of tool (my fucking necklace lol)#he did not care 👍 but his goofy ass had to make jokes#'i dont like when ppl need tools to be able to hurt me. are you hands not strong enough?' and his follow up was 'but you like me?'#baby ur a toy not a tool xoxo
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