#nearly cried laughing when mum told me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

1d1195 · 4 months ago

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From me: I've been waiting for this part for a REALLY long time.

Warnings: *drum roll* SMUT, semi-public, unprotected, really needy 18+ also, some pretty angsty chats (and more Lauren)

Summary: Harry has been dying for this date for three years. And all the answers it comes with. Even if he doesn't like some of them. She missed Harry. Plain and simple.

With Addie off the phone, she gazed at her reflection for a moment. The girls did an amazing job with her hair and makeup. She felt beautiful. Beautiful enough to be on a date with Harry. He was one of the only people she had ever been on a date with (as much as she did it, she didn’t consider third-wheeling with Addie and Carter actually dating; and knowing Harry was her soulmate put a damper on the memory of her dates with one of the only other guys she dated, Beau, in the ninth grade). It was simultaneously terrifying and wonderful.

The thought of him made the nerves return. Closing her eyes, she smoothed down the skirt of her dress. It was light green. Nearly matched Harry’s eyes, which was why she selected it. There was a slight V-cut at her neck and had fluttery sleeves at the top of her shoulders. Eleanor insisted it looked beautiful against her skin and the skirt cinched slightly at her waist accentuating her curves and then came to a ruffled hem that hit just above her knee. With a pair of wedged nude sandals, she tried to create the effect that her legs were longer, but she slightly felt like she was playing dress up and this was not a date she was meant to go on.

“I just need to jump,” she whispered to herself encouragingly.

The full effect had Harry’s jaw nearly unhinged to the floor as she entered the kitchen. Eleanor punched him in the arm to keep him from drooling. Sarah smiled excitedly. “You look beautiful.”

“Extremely,” Harry nodded in agreement, his eyes scanning her in a way that made her feel naked, but in a really good way. She blushed so cutely. It made Harry’s heart skip a beat. “Ready?” He asked.

She nodded. Because for the first time in ages she felt so ready to go on a date. Eager. Utterly excited to be alone with someone. “Yes,” she smiled.

Dinner passed in a blur. Truly, he was only thinking about the way her smile looked so nice on her lips. How soft her hair framed around her face. The way her skin practically glowed and it was only amplified by the makeup that she decidedly did not need but it looked like she was doing the products a favor by wearing them on her beautiful face. He was only pretty sure they spoke. Chatted about a variety of things but he wasn’t sure he could recall them in detail if asked because he was so overwhelmed by the fact that he was with her, on a date. After all that time.

He suspected there was stuff about work and college. He did remember he told her at least twenty stories about Mrs. Peterson and seriously worried she was one of his best friends, now. She talked about Carter and Addie. Gave an update on her mum and how she enjoyed living closer to her aunt.

But all those details disappeared. He was on a date with her. A date with the love of his life after three years of not seeing her and it was so goddamn effortless to talk to her, make her laugh, and smile with her.

It felt so good he could have cried.

“What are y’going t’do when y’finish your degree?”

“Uh,” she sighed, and Harry sensed her worry almost immediately. Wished he hadn’t made her feel uneasy even a little. Even if it was natural to feel that way.

A little anxiety about her future career was new for her. For the first time in so many years, nervousness that wasn’t because she was worried about him or her love for Harry was a bit of a curve ball. She knew what she wanted, and she wanted it badly, but didn’t know if it would pan out the way she saw it in her mind. “I’m not totally sure, actually,” she admitted. “I’ve got an online portfolio of my work, and I’ve sent it to a ton of publishers, magazines, et cetera,” she took a deep breath. “I could be really stereotypical and just continue waitressing by night and writing by day,” she shrugged. It wasn’t a bad gig. But it wasn’t what she hoped for exactly.

“Someone is going t’pick you up. You are too brilliant t’not be,” he sounded so sure—because he was. If there was anything he believed in, it was her, her dreams, and ambitions. “S’nice it can be... remote, yeah? Let you travel and visit your mum and whatnot,” stay here. With me. He thought silently to himself.

She nodded. “Yeah... I guess. But... I think I’d want to stay here.”

For three years, his heart was not inside his chest. But now it was back, the veins and arteries reconnecting to the rest of his body. Literally putting life back in him. It thudded so loudly he could barely make out the sound of the restaurant around them as he smiled at her. “Good,” he nodded. “Good,” he repeated quietly, relief heavier in his tone.

After a brief protest from her, (and for the first time since she arrived home, he didn’t even look at her as he pushed her hand away) Harry paid and signed the receipt for their meal. Once her glass was nothing but ice, he looked at her expectantly. “D’you want t’get coffee?” He asked, his voice full of hope because he didn’t want the night to end. Not even a little.

She nodded. If the night never ended, she would be glad.

Harry ushered her out of the restaurant, and she held her hand out for his. He took it eagerly and marveled at how her fingers fit the spaces between his; it felt like they were supposed to be there, and his hand was empty, not complete without hers attached to it.

They made their way toward the coffee shop up the road. Holding hands like they had done hundreds of times before. They chatted about the weather. He complimented the way her hair had lighter streaks throughout. She looked good. So good. “Louis and I have been running in the morning,” she told him with a shrug. “I think the sun hits different parts of my hair when it’s up and gives me this highlight effect.”

Harry had no idea he had been running with her. “You have?” He asked. Jealousy flooded him. It wasn’t fair to either of them. It was stupid. But the surprise was genuine.

“Yeah... the first time I went out and I saw him, I chased after him because he didn’t want to talk to me. But I buttered him up with those muffins I—”

“Holy shit, y’made the oat muffins?” He asked in shock. Forget what he said. The jealousy was real. She blushed, feeling bad she let Louis’ secret slip.

“You hate him now, don’t you?”

“Immensely,” he squeezed her hand as she giggled. “Did y’make the blueberry ones or the cranberry ones?”

“Do you actually want that answer?”

“No,” he shook his head quickly. “You’re right.”

“I’ll make some extra,” she offered.

Harry was about to ask her about breakfast tomorrow, but his phone began vibrating in his pocket. It was a great effort and made him feel awful, but he looked at it because he had to. As expected, it was his boss. “M’sorry kitten. S’work. Do y’want t’go in and order?” She smiled, nodding encouragingly. “Tell Lauren I said hi,” he said pressing the phone to his ear and stepping away from the shop a few paces.

Of course, someone was having a family emergency and without a family of his own, Harry was always the first call for overtime and help. There were still hours before he would need to go in. It wasn’t ideal, but still gave him plenty of time to finish his date.

It was well worth getting no sleep if it meant he could spend more precious time with her. It was one thing he was never going to take advantage of ever again. Time with her was the most invaluable thing he had.

“Everything okay?” She asked, holding out a cup to him.

“Thank you. Yeah... jus’... gotta do the overnight at midnight.”

“Oof,” she frowned. Then, much to his delight and surprise, she slipped her hand right back into his, like three years of nothingness didn’t stretch between them. Like they held hands for the last eleven-hundred odd days, every day. “Is that hard?”

For a moment, Harry was speechless, breathless, unable to remember what her question was asking. But then he brought himself back to reality. Harry didn’t like sleeping much. It was where he saw her most. All those dreams of what could have been... so no. It wasn’t hard to do overnights because at least when he was dead tired in the mornings after his shift, he didn’t dream. Didn’t see her. But he didn’t want to make her feel bad. “M’used to it.”

“Well, we can head home if you want to get a couple hours of sleep in before—”

“Do y’want t’go home?” He asked immediately, cutting her off, frowning at the idea of ending their night so quickly.

“No!” She answered just as immediately. Then, with a pink color painting her cheeks, she cleared her throat. “Just... want to make sure you’re... okay.”

Now he dreaded it. The couple of hours that he had seemed like nothing. There was no way he would get all the questions he wanted answered out in the open. But he had to start somewhere. “M’fine. Promise. Do y’want t’jus’ drive around for a bit?”

Silently, she nodded. “Please.”

Something shifted as they got back in his car. He wasn’t sure what, but it was a feeling like something had changed in the short time he was on the phone. It was in her eyes, the spiral of anxiety that was beginning to surface from inside her.

It seemed utterly unfair, and he silently hoped she wouldn’t retreat into herself. The thoughts of her leaving like she did three years ago rolled in his head so frequently now that she was home, he had a whole new set of nightmares to keep him company when he did sleep at night.

But right now, she was still in his car, and he had questions to ask.

For the time being, he pointed out new details on road signs that had been fixed and renovations to things in town she couldn’t see from the outside. She asked polite questions but really, he was just wasting time. So finally, Harry went to the next town over. He pulled into a little spot off the side of the road that fit exactly one car and gave a great view of the town. It wasn’t a mountain by any stretch, but high enough to make them feel tall and important.

He imagined it was a popular spot for teens with new licenses to make out as well.

Not that that was his intention.

There was a pause in their conversation. Comfortable and quiet. Then as Harry was about to ask her another question, she bounced in surprise at the sound of fireworks decorating the sky in front of them. “Wow,” she laughed. “All for me?” She winked at him.

He laughed and nodded. “M-hmm, had it all planned,” he watched the sky for a bit but the most beautiful thing he had the pleasure of looking at was her. So, he turned to watch her enjoy the display. She looked so pretty, her face illuminating every few seconds with a different color from the sky. He missed her so viscerally. Like even the freckles on his skin missed her. Every inch of him was plagued with wanting her even though she was right next to him.

If she went silent on him, he was going to lose his mind.

It was now, or never.

“Why did y’do it?” He whispered.

“Do what?” She asked, frowning at his quiet tone.

He closed his eyes, gripped the steering wheel tight. She had to know what he was talking about. “Why did you leave?”

Her breath caught and Harry felt bad for catching her off guard. But she had to know this needed to be said, needed to be dealt with. “Harry,” she sighed, swallowed hard. She looked out the passenger window avoiding the fireworks. “You should just... enjoy the fireworks. This isn’t—”

“Kitten, I need t’know.”

“I know,” her head knocked against the glass. He could just make out her reflection, her pained expression. It was rude of him to press. But he had to keep going. “But we—”

He pressed anyway. “You have t’tell me. Y’jus’ show up after three years of nothing. It killed me.”

“I know,” she croaked. “God, Harry, I know.”

“So tell me,” he was practically begging. “Don’t y’think I deserve t’know? You were m’whole world, kitten. S’not fair of you—”

“Harry, I fucking know!” She clenched her hands into fists in her lap. He was being unfair. In the time they were together they never fought. What did sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds have to fight about? When she left it was just sad. They never argued. So asking her to do this in his car on their first date after so many years, so many days of sadness and heartache, was completely unfair of him.

“I was so lost, kitten,” he wasn’t fighting fair at all. Coaxing her to breaking even though he had every right to know. She didn’t want the night to end and she feared it would if she told him.

“Harry—”

“Please, kitten. Baby, I just want t’understand—”

She choked out an involuntary sob the moment he said baby. “Because you deserved more than me! Okay? You deserved so much more than me and you wouldn’t have let me go so I just left, alright? You deserved more. So much more than me.”

The fireworks seemed quiet after her explosion.

But it didn’t make any more sense to Harry than the very day she first said it. “What does that even mean?”

Clearly, he broke something in her. She cried, hard. Breaking his heart further. He felt like an asshole, but he desperately needed to know. Her pretty makeup was going to be ruined thanks to him. “I don’t know. I don’t know,” she covered her mouth with her hand and sobbed into the window.

At least he had an answer.

Now for the next question. “Why did y’come back?” There was no answer for that. Just her quiet sniffles filled the car. She dug into his glove compartment for a napkin to wipe her face. If Harry wasn't so upset, he would have marveled at how she knew where everything was; some things didn't change even if they had. “Kitten, tell me.”

“Harry,” she whimpered. “Please...”

But he was desperate for answers. Desperate to put his heart back together. “I needed to see...” she croaked, her voice dying part way through the sentence.

“See what?” He was exasperated.

“That you had...” she swallowed. “That you had moved on.”

He turned away from her briefly, face twisting in anguish. He shook his head then turned back to her. He put his hand on her shoulder, asking her to face him and look at him when he said the next part. “Moved on?” He repeated. The words didn’t make sense. “How was I supposed t’move on, exactly?”

She sobbed and Harry wanted nothing more than to comfort her. Hold her and kiss her. He wanted to promise it was going to be okay. The way he always did when she cried. But he couldn’t. He needed to know how she thought that it was possible to exist without her. “I thought if I—”

“You are my soulmate, kitten. You know that.”

She whimpered, cheeks flushed, and tears streamed down her face. It pained him to look at her so upset but he had to finish this. Now. “You don’t believe in soulmates,” she whispered. Almost as if she wasn’t talking to him.

“But you told me we were,” his voice was crystal clear, definitive. No room to persuade him of anything else. She was his soulmate. She believed in them, so it had to be true. He believed in her. So that was enough. Harry gripped the steering wheel for all he was worth. Gritted his teeth as he asked his next question. “Did you move on?” The question was lost to the fireworks and the sound of her cries. But she clearly caught some of it.

“...What?” She whispered, tilting her head at him at a strange angle. Like he just told her that the grass was orange and it rained flower petals.

He inhaled sharply realizing he was agonizing over the thought. How long had he been holding that question in his head? Why didn’t he ask it sooner? Well, he knew why he didn’t ask it sooner. A large part of him never wanted to know the answer. “Do you have a boyfriend? Or... a fiancé?”

“Harry,” she rubbed her hands into her eyes.

“Goddammit," he sucked in a deep breath. "Tell me!” His heart was breaking.

“I didn’t date anyone while I was gone. I told people that I, and my heart, were happily taken. It never even crossed my mind, Harry,” she looked at her lap and swallowed nervously.

The fireworks complimented their evening perfectly. He released the breath he was holding and the grip he had on the steering wheel. The feeling came back to his fingers. His knuckles returned to the right color. “You said y’were taken?” He asked, thinking of the same notion he told Mrs. Peterson whenever she wanted to set him up on a blind date. Her gaze returned to his, and she held it for a moment, still in complete silence. Then she nodded. Her sniffles subsided.

Then she snorted, shaking her head with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “A fiancé, Harry? That’s ridiculous.”

“S’not,” he didn’t smile like she did. It was so serious to him. Felt it in his bones how serious it was. “Because if y’thought I was going t’move on from you... I don’t know, kitten,” he shook his head.

“No,” she repeated. Relief flooded him further. “I couldn’t... I took this first aid class,” she swallowed. “You would be really proud of me,” she smiled more genuinely through tears that filled her lash line. “I thought about all the things you taught me yourself when you practiced first aid and whatnot. I knew so much stuff. I was the class pet—”

“Course y’were.”

“—but we practiced taping wrists and ankles and I had to work with this guy, and I thought he was going to kill me,” she sniffed but that smile never left her lips. “I flinched every time his hand touched mine. He probably thought I was in a horrible relationship and that’s why I was learning how to tape injuries. I couldn’t even tell him that it was the exact opposite because I couldn’t tell him about you.”

Harry was silent, watching the explosion of color against the dark sky.

“I thought you would have moved on,” she whispered.

“Y’got your mom t’leave. I couldn’t even ask ‘bout you. You stopped talking to all of us.”

“If it helps at all, it was really lonely. Even with Addie and Carter...” she shrugged.

It didn’t. The thought of her being sad and lonely felt about as painful as her leaving. He was so grateful she had a friend to look after her. Someone to confide in. Because she left a lot of people behind who loved her, but at least Harry had them to comfort him as best they could.

“I thought about you every day,” she whispered. “I’ve been thinking about writing our story. I’ve been outlining it... reliving every memory through it. Every painful thing. I think it’ll be a series and honestly, I think it will be really good because the ending will be sad, and no one will see it coming because we didn’t see it coming and—”

“Our book?”

She paused. “You were my favorite thing to write about.”

He shook his head. He knew that. It wasn’t a conceited kind of thing. She said it all the time and he knew it. “What do you mean a sad ending?”

Another pause. She closed her eyes and sighed. “You can’t possibly want me back.”

Another long pause. Harry mulled it over and he realized just how angry he was. What had he done wrong that she didn’t feel adored by him? Where had he messed up and not made her feel safe? Did he let go of her hand like when they were on the balcony the other day? It was too much for him. His grip tightened on the steering wheel again. “What is the matter with you?” He put his head on the steering wheel against his hands as he spit the words out. He hated arguing with her. He felt pulled in two directions to have this conversation and comfort her. It seemed impossible to do them both at the same time.

“Harry,” she frowned. “I’m—”

He shook his head and smacked his hands against the wheel as he sat back. “I am never going t’stop wanting you. Don’t you get that? There is no ending with us. There can’t be. I have been waiting for three years for you t’come back t’me. You’re here and y’think I’m jus’ supposed t’have move—”

She was kissing him.

Her lips covered his in a hungry kind of way. Raw, achy, and hot. She pulled away briefly, her breath short pants. Her hand at the back of his head, her fingers pulled and tightened snuggly against locks of his hair. Poor Harry was so surprised he didn’t fully grasp what was happening and forgot to kiss her back.

He hoped she didn’t think it was too late. Or too soon, maybe, for him to agree to this kind of thing. But he only let one additional second pass before his lips were back on hers. His hands held each side of her face pulling her close to him, awkwardly around the console.

She seemed to melt into the kiss, her whole body releasing a long breath that made her shoulders fall, her body sinking forward. Harry moaned quietly into her mouth. One hand slid from her face into the back of her perfectly styled hair. Within five more seconds he started to pull her over the console separating them. He heard the clunk of one of her shoes falling onto the floor. With one hand on the small of her back, he used his free hand to push the seat back to give her more room between his body and the steering wheel.

Harry wasn’t her first kiss. But the way it felt, he may as well have been. She wished he was. There was nothing better than kissing him. There was a familiar possessiveness in the mix of their lips and breath. It was like he was saying no one else was ever going to kiss her as well as he did. Softly, his tongue slid across the seam of her lips to get her to open further.

Harry knew she didn’t like lots of tongue in her kisses. Which was fine with Harry, a quick brush of her tongue against his was plenty and not the part he cared about much anyway. The way she sucked his lower lip into her mouth and traced it with her tongue nearly made him finish in his pants. Her lips were so sweet. Just like her. It was the most natural feeling in the world to kiss her. Like he kissed her yesterday, the day before, all last year, and every other day succeeding her departure. “God,” she whispered against his mouth.

“Hmm,” he hummed. His hands touched everywhere. Roamed along her sides and around her back, up her arms and cupped the sides of her neck. He wanted to touch her everywhere. It felt so good to hold her and the way she moaned made him assume she was enjoying it just as much. It had been ages since she had been touched and that was fine because she didn’t want anyone to touch her but Harry. His hands were warm and felt so good on her back. Even through her dress. Even though it was summer and very warm, she shivered and nuzzled closer. The car was too small and the space between them was too big. “Baby, can we—”

“Yes,” she whispered. It didn’t matter what he asked. She was a yes to anything he said. He groaned into her mouth and slid his hands between them, lifting the skirt of her dress just above her hips so everything was covered but easier to access.

“Kitten,” he moaned when she reached between them as well and fiddled with the button of his jeans. Why on earth would he have a condom? The thought of being with anyone else so intimately was laughable. “I don’t have—”

“I don’t care.”

He groaned again and kissed down the length of her neck, his tongue poking out to lick at the spots he kissed. She thought she was going to pass out, but she didn’t want to miss a second of this feeling. So, she refused to pass out. “I forgot,” he was breathless as he shifted trying to make space between them so he could pull his pants down just a little more, just enough. “Forgot how much I missed this.”

“What did you miss?” She whispered just as breathlessly, her lips against his neck as he reached between the two of them, slid his fingers against her underwear and pushed it to the side. She whimpered at the light friction of his knuckle barely grazing her clit even though it wasn’t his intention.

Harry’s moans were nearly obscene. They turned her to jelly. “I missed everything, kitten. Everything.”

She shivered again at his response. When she felt him lining himself up, pressing through her folds so easily because she was already an aching wet mess for him, she cried out again. The electric feeling coursed through her and it wasn’t fair that she made him lose this feeling for three years. “Oh,” she tucked her face into his neck.

“I’m... fuck, baby,” he whispered as the head of his cock slipped deeper inside her. He didn’t want to know if she had sex while he was gone. In his mind he was the only person that got to be inside her like this—to feel her like this. His voice was raspy. Not even a whisper really. “I’m not...” his other hand that wasn’t helping her slip further down on him cupped the back of her neck. “S’not going t’last...” He couldn’t even give a time frame because he was so far gone. “S’been...”

She didn’t want to know how long it had been for him. The idea he had sex with someone else would probably make her inconsolable while he was inside her and it wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own. She shook her head and kissed the space just below his ear that used to drive him crazy. “I don’t mind,” she promised.

“God,” he closed his eyes and pressed his face to the front of her chest. Her dress was still in the way, but he wanted to rip it off her. He couldn’t because as much as he was enjoying this—and yes, he would have loved to feel her nipples in his mouth—he refused the risk of anyone seeing her naked like that. This was already bolder than anything they had ever done before—and the intimacy of seeing her fall apart was for him only. A possessive stance he would never let go of.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. It was too hot in the car; her skin was damp with sweat from pressing so close to Harry and the exertion of fitting in the small space between him and the steering wheel. She wanted nothing more than to stay glued to Harry like that, his dick deep inside her for as long as she lived. They really were two puzzle pieces just meant to fit together. For a brief moment she paused the way she was moving slowly up and down his cock; hoping that maybe she would just die in that car because at least this would be the last thing she ever did. Their breathing stilled, quieted. He tilted his neck back, smiled as he gazed up at her.

“You’re so beautiful, kitten,” he whispered.

It was embarrassing that she could come that quickly and that hard from just his compliment and he wasn’t even moving inside her.

She gasped so loudly. Her whines and moans releasing from her without warning. She felt distraught and whole. It was practically primal the way she started to bounce up and down again, only ever so slightly, her legs shaking to find purchase on the side of his seat near the door and dodging the seatbelt holder with her knee. It wasn’t conducive to do this here but what choice did they have when they couldn’t wait a second longer?

“Oh my God, fuck, kitten,” he groaned, wrapping his arms tight around her waist, kissing at her throat and the exposed cleavage he did have access too. He met her greedy little bounces to prolong the euphoria that was coursing through her, making her clench around his cock so hard he thought he was going to exist outside of his body. “Baby, I can’t pull out,” he warned her.

They were young, but not in high school young anymore. Getting pregnant wasn’t their worst fear anymore as it was their first go around leading to her going to the doctor and asking for birth control. In fact, getting pregnant probably didn’t even crack the top ten. But even still... “Pill,” she rasped. “Please,” she begged.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned. His hand slid beneath her dress. He pressed the tip of his finger directly on her clit and rubbed perfect little circles on it.

So perfectly, she was going to explode again. The fireworks had nothing on her. “Oh my God, please,” she cried. The plead, the feel of her squeezing around him again, the heat of her and the car... all of it was a heady combination that left Harry completely useless as he finished inside her at the exact moment that she dropped her face to his shoulder again and fluttered around him. As Harry finally released a breath, he had been holding for three years it seemed, he found she was still trying to squeeze her thighs around him to savor the pleasure. He couldn’t blame her. All he wanted to do was make her come over and over.

There were a lot of firsts they shared over their relationship, and Harry was so grateful to have another even after all the time between them. His body twitched as she stayed in place, her breathing finally slowing. Harry felt hot, too hot but didn’t dare remove her from his body. He held her to him as he shifted more, her bum bumped into the car horn. She giggled once and Harry smiled. His breathing slowed, following hers.

The car was silent except for their labored breathing. They were young when they had sex back then. They thought it was good back then. But it didn’t compare to that. She felt a wave of worry that he had practiced all while she was gone. The same worry went right through him nearly at the same time. Maybe she sensed it because he relieved her with one sentence. “I read an embarrassing number of books with scenes like the one we just reenacted.”

Harry sighed with relief; his nose pressed to her ear. His lips brushed her temple and he spoke quietly. “Send me every single page y’read, kitten.”

She giggled making her clench around him as he softened. He groaned involuntarily. He didn’t want to leave her body. Terrified it would never be like this again. As he started to move, she stopped him. “Um... Do you have a towel?” She whispered; her cheeks probably would have flushed asking the question, but it was impossible to tell with the endorphins that flooded her blood doing most of the work now.

Harry felt a little stupid at the moment, so he nodded, then shook his head. He didn’t fully understand her question but wanted to try for her.

“Uhh... here,” he reached in the backseat for a T-shirt with the station’s logo on it. As he shifted, she whimpered at the feeling of him moving inside her again. He kept a hand on her dress, right at her hip and rubbed his thumb soothingly against her.

“I can’t use this and then have you wear it around town,” she frowned.

“Baby,” he snickered. “I wouldn’t wear it... in public," he teased. She lightly hit his chest with the back of her hand.

She slowly pulled off him, falling back into the passenger seat, the T-shirt between her legs. She finger-combed her hair as best she could and checked her makeup for obvious smudges. Harry mussed with his hair quickly and then placed his hand on her knee. She held it with both hands, brought his fingers to her lips and kissed his knuckles no less than ten times.

“That was perfect,” she whispered.

Forget her writing, she was her very own poem. He smiled. “Always, kitten.”

Harry took the long way back to her apartment. Her grip didn’t loosen around his hand. Not even when he needed to take a turn. When he finally parked, she looked at him expectantly. “I don’t want t’go,” he whispered. “I would quit right now, if I could. I want t’talk all night and tell y’everything and know everything, kitten. M’so...” he shook his head terrified that if he left right now all the progress, everything would be gone. “I missed you so completely baby. I need t’know everything there is t’know ‘bout you and the last three years and all the thoughts y’had. S’not fair and m’so—”

“Harry,” she smiled, squeezed his hand encouragingly. She brought a hand to his chin and rested her forehead against his. “I’ll see you tomorrow; right after your shift, okay?” she kissed him gently on the lips. A soft brush of promising more.

Relief flooded him. “Yeah?” Their mouths were so close as he spoke, his lips touched hers the entire time.

“I’ll be here,” she promised. That little saying, “it was music to his ears,” never really made much sense to him. But right then it did. It made so much sense. She was music. She was the sun. She was fireworks. “Good night, Harry. Have a good shift,” she whispered and pressed her lips solidly against his once more making him feel like he could do anything.

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lulublack90 · 3 months ago

Text

Prompt 19 - Determination

@wolfstarmicrofic August 19, word count 773

Previous part First Jegulus part

The bath was lobster hot, just the way Sirius liked it. His porcelain skin turned bright red as he sunk into the water. He splashed some of the water onto his face to remove the tear tracks and let Remus’s soft words gently lull his swirling thoughts into nothingness as he read Call of the Wild by Jack London to him from on top of the wooden laundry box. It was Sirius’s favourite book. He read it a lot as a child. He saw himself in Buck, being a sweet dog who was ground down and nearly killed by horrid people until he found a kind trio of people and was finally free. Luckily, the Potters weren’t murdered, unlike Buck’s friends, and he hadn't run off into the forest to live like a wildman, not that he hadn't thought about it, but something about the story of the giant bear-sized dog resonated with him.

In the morning, Remus agreed to ride in the sidecar of Sirius’s motorbike after fixing him breakfast. Remus hated the bike with a passion, so his agreeing to go in it showed Sirius how much he was willing to do to cheer him up.

When they pulled into the long gravel drive of Effie and Monty’s house, the emotions and hurt from yesterday began pushing to the front of his mind again. He needed an Effie hug. He parked his motorbike beside the 500 and hopped off, holding out his hand to help Remus get his long body out of the tiny sidecar.

Effie was waiting for him at the door with her arms wide open. He flung himself into her soft embrace and felt the tears slipping from his eyes again.

"Mum," He cried.

“Shh, my darling, shhh, don’t worry, we’ll get it sorted,” Effie cooed and walked him into the house where Monty was just putting the finishing touches to mugs of hot chocolate. Effie deposited him on one of the kitchen chairs and pulled hers up close so she could continue to hold him. He used the back of his hand to wipe away the tears and realised there were others at the table.

Regulus and James sat opposite them. Sirius choked back a sob as his eyes darted to Effie. “Remus, messaged us all last night, my darling, telling us what that awful man had put up,” He looked at his brother and James and sniffled at them, trying his hardest to smile at them for coming.

“Erm, I have something to confess,” James said sheepishly, dropping his head so he couldn’t make eye contact. “I knew about the videos, and there are other people that have filmed you,” He looked up then and met Sirius’s eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I honestly thought they were just a bit of fun. I didn’t even see the ones where he’d gone into the back. If I had, I would have told you, I swear,” Sirius gritted his teeth, ready to spit something venomous out, but he couldn’t. He could admit that some of them had been slightly funny. When he had a go at that student trying to blame them for missing his exam, that was good, but the stuff between him and Regulus, there was a line, and it had been crossed.

“Give me your phones,” Remus ordered, holding his hands out to everyone. “Monty, Effie, you’re about to join the world of tictok,”

“What are you going to do?” Sirius asked, handing his phone over without a second thought.

“I’m going to report every single video I find of you or our café on all of our phones,” With much scrabbling, everyone handed their phones over.

“I’ve already got tictok, so you won’t have to download it,” Monty smiled, unlocking his phone for Remus.

“Oh, so do I,” Effie laughed, “Here you go my love,” She said to Remus as she placed her phone beside Monty’s.

Remus had a determination about him that Sirius had never seen. He sat there at the Potters’ kitchen table with all six phones and reported every single video of Sirius or the café he could find. Sirius had been hurt and Remus was protecting him. Sirius felt a surge of love for his lanky boyfriend. He pushed his chair back and leant across the table, grabbing the front of Remus’s knitted jumper and dragging him to meet him before planting a hard, love-filled kiss on his lips.

“Thank you,” He murmured to Remus, and Remus’s golden, honey eyes became molten and burned into Sirius’s and, for the first time that morning, he wished they were alone.

Next part

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blackbutlerfandomnerddomain · 1 year ago

Note

Rashad: So who exactly are you dating? Kalim: Uhhhhhh

Rashad: ???

Kalim: Yes

---------

Hcs of Kalim coming out to his siblings/ how the other bois parents react to his big poly?

Kalim's conversation makes me think of the beginning of "Boy Bi"

But I got this boo!

Kalim Coming Out to his Siblings:

Obviously this is when he visited home for break with Jamil, who at this point already told Najma/Najma knew from the get go with their reactions together

Kalim was nervous, obviously, and was even debating on just not saying it today

Then Rashad opened his mouth during a dinner without their parents or Jamil's parents, "So, Neige's been extra busy the last few months. And Arie said that he, Neige, and Chenya's been are NRC often. Have you seen them around?"

Kalim nearly dropped his food with Jamil looking surprised.

Honestly you two should've known those three wouldn't be quiet with their relationship

Kalim admitted rather loudly that yes indeed he knows because he's dating them. In fact he's dating others. And they're all dating each other. And he's so happy and in love!

A lot of his siblings were happy for him, some were too young to fully get it and why it has to be a secret but none the less they love seeing their brother happy

THE OTHERS COMING OUT TO THEIR FAMILIES: I will order these from best to worst or meh

They all made gameplans to not do it alone or in private without discussing things over with everyone else

Heartslabyul -

Trey was actually pretty excited to come out to his family since he himself having secrets with his family

So Trey went on a video call with his family and chatted with them as Riddle and Cater and Chenya who snuck in joined in a bit and said their hellos before Trey said, "So, um, there's someone else here..." And invited Kalim in who snuggled between Cater and him. As Trey started saying his thing Chenya was hugging Kalim's neck, Cater had his hand on Trey's, and Riddle held Kalim's hand across Trey's lap which made it easier to say, "Mum, dad, I'm gay. I'm in a poly relationship."

He teared up when they said he was proud of him and laughed when they went on complimenting his partners

Deuce was very nervous about it, he knows his mother wouldn't really be mad or throw him out over it, but he was still nervous it'll go wrong somehow.

Lucky for him Kalim was physicals there when he came out alongside Jamil and Ace when the two Scarabian beans came to the Queendom of Roses for break and they all sat at a cafe when Deuce's mum had a break off work and told her. He actually cried when she hugged him and told him how much he loves him and is proud of him, which caused Kalim to cry

Cater tried to act like this wasn't a issue but he was nervous as shit inside. Like Deuce he knew his family wouldn't throw him out but the fear that they would be grossed out by his relationship and he's have his anxiety picking up (I hc he has anxiety he's working with now)

He arranged a meet up with his sisters and mum for brunch in the Mostro Lounge in which Azul and the Tweels worked extra hard to make good impressions and food for the three as Cater built up the conversation talking about school, club activities, oh and his besties from his dorms and club before drifting to, "Uh, speaking of Kalim, Lilia, Riddle, and Trey-" and slowly started talking about his feelings with them, voice cracking some, before ending with, "You know I'm pan, and um...I..well we...um...I'm in a relationship...w-with them..." He didn't look at his family for a while until they all came to his side of seating and hugged him, telling him it'll take time for them all to be used to it but they love him no matter what

Ace did a two part coming out since I headcanon thanks to you his parents are divorced and it makes sense to me He was surprisingly super energetic and excited for this and he went out of his way arranging a lunch date with his mother at a cool 50's themed diner in Sage's Island and invited his partners as well.

The lunch was going well, people came and were ordering, Cheka was there and having fun, and Ace was having a good confident talk with his mum. Until he said the words "These are my romantic partners" and she walked out. People left and right had many waves of emotions of this reaction but Ace followed her out to the parking lot to talk more and she tried telling him she wishes he can have a "normal" relationship with a girl. His mood was crushed after watching her leave and just came back inside and sat down silent. Then Azul ordered them all milkshakes and cherry pies and Cater ate a lot even though they all know how much he hates sweets

With his dad and brother he was more alone but had his partners on his phone with the mic off and in his pocket. He sat on the couch while they're watching the basketball game, nervous as shit since his confidence dashed when he came out to his mum, and slowly started by saying, "So, you know how I said after the game you both visited for that I was going to a club meet afterwards? Well...I was actually not with my club...I was...with my partners...Because...I'm bi..." and he slowly started to tear up as he started to ramble before both his dad and bro stopped him and told him that it's a lot to take in but they still love him regardless. Yeah he was a snotty mess at that moment and denies it afterwards

Riddle broke the rule. He went to talk to his mum without informing the others

He went home during winter break while Kalim and Jamil stayed back for Azul Jade and Floyd since they can't go home during winter and told his mum

Everyone got a text from him right after in the group chat saying what he did and that he's arriving back to NRC imminently, so Octatrio and Jamil and Kalim rushed to the mirror and were met with a red faced teary eyed Riddle who's barely standing from crying so much and Ace and Deuce and Leona and Ruggie and Vil and Idia came back early to help comfort him while they all joined in a video call later that night, Riddle just heartbroken as he sobbed what his mother said and shaking

Savanaclaw -

Ruggie was nervous for different reasons, he brought Kalim, Leona, Vil, Rook, Jamil, and the Octatrio to his neighborhood during break off the school for a week and was scared they'd be mugged or assaulted but luckily it wasn't Leona's first rodeo in the slums thanks to being friends and dating Ruggie so he made sure their identities of wealth and power were covered and a lot of people assumed Vil and Jamil were women so they were extra respectful and Jamil's like "That's nice but why-"

It went well him coming out to his grandmother as she said Ruggie works hard making everyone happy and he deserves so much happiness in return

Jack's pretty chill as it was back to back with Epel's family and he brought his partners on a group video call to meet them properly and his siblings kept going on about how pretty they are and "Bro bro talks about you a lot though and how you smile so cute-" and he's all blushy

Leona did it alone after talking to them all and he visited home He mostly was taking small cause of how big it was, starting with Cheka building it up, watching Cheka play with everyone and tells him about them a lot and kind of implying in a way a kid would he loves them before he sat Cheka down and talked to him about it and Cheka's cute ass face lit up like "You're gonna marry all of them?" and he's like "I'll have to try" He then dropping hints while on phone calls with his brother

Soon by the time he came home and chilled there as usual for a bit, he waited for the right moment and told Kifaji first and told him his plans to tell his brother, sister-in-law, and parents during the dinner in which Kifaji was honored he was told first

So the dinner happens and unlike everyone else who had words and speeches prepared he just casually said like as if he was asking someone to pass the butter. It didn't go as well and he assumed that and remained calm and composed when things were said yelling was made so announce he'll stay with someone else for the rest of the vacation and left the room. Though Kifaji comforted him and he finally cracked and cried a bit before leaving dead in the night for Ruggie's home

Octavinelle -

Azul was just nervous as shit and worked hard to not show it or mess up

He had set up a nice day for his mother and step-father to visit and set up a nice dinner at the Mostro Lounge for them where he did a good presentation display of the food and his schooling conversations. When the mood felt right he took a breath and said it, and was quickly met with his mother hugging him tight telling him how proud they are and smooching his face up and just being that sweet but honestly embarrassing mother

Dylan already knew cuz same dorm-

Jade and Floyd were pretty indifferent with their coming out since their parents didn't really care who they date as long as they both and all respect each other well and all that jazz

They both came out during a parent teacher day where they came out of their poly relationship and the parents looked at Kalim, them at them, then at Kalim and went, "You sure you want to date our boys? We love them but they can be a bit crazy-"

Both Mama Ashengrotto and Mama Leech were showing embarrassing cute pictures of their babies to the partners

Scarabia -

Jamil has a legit panic attack before he could do or say anything Just beyond scared shitless and was about to literally throw up

Kalim pulled him aside and told him he didn't have to say it if he doesn't want to and so he just didn't. They'll hear from Kalim in the end and that eased his emotions a bit

Pomfiore -

Rook was excited as hell. Like puppy dog energy!

But the second he appeared home with his partners in tow, introduce some who didn't meet, and announced everyone wasn't surprised they just went "Oh honey we knew, but FINALLY!"

Epel was back-to-back with Jack as mentioned and he was sweating bullets throughout the whole thing

Basile and Aicha knew rather early after walking on on Epel getting his flirty make-out grind on with Neige and Kalim before Kalim had band club and Neige was going out on a date with Vil and Rook and they were taking their time, but they swore secrecy. . . for a price

It was clumsy in the end since he blurted it out and squeezed his eyes shut, only to get silence and opened his eyes to his family staring at him. Jack held his hand to keep him steady and his family reacted rather calmly, yeah there was one aunt and uncle who started some bullshit but Jack ended that real fast

Vil met with his dad in town after a photoshoot in the weekend and arranged for him to meet Kalim, Leona, Esther, and Cater during lunch in a nice yet isolated spot in a cafe

Taking a breath, he gave a well planned for ahead of time speech to Eric and confessed he's in a relationship with all of them, how it happened, etc. Eric took it really well, he accepts whoever Vil dates as long as they treat him well and all that jazz

Vil with his mother though was rough She called him every name in the book through the phone and was all like "What would the tabloids say? Did you even think what the neighbors would say about me?!" Before Kalim reached over and hung up the call for him

Ignihyde -

Ortho knew from the beginning cause Idia vents to him a lot and he just sensed something was afoot when he noticed them coming to his dorm a lot for study sessions and one time walking in one "study" and took a mental note of how slightly messy Kalim's hair was and his brother's ashamed looking face and the heighten heart rate of the two

As for the parents (Slight Chapter 6-7 spoilers but it's mostly location and parents) he took them to the Island of Woe which gave Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, and Vil flashbacks to that one time they got kidnapped by Idia of all people and they all hung out for a day before the second night being a dinner with the parents in which Idia came out there

Parents reaction? "Idia, sweetheart, we've seen your anime harem internet history we know and we're so proud of you for meeting such beautiful and kind people~ Everyone please treat our boy well!" And Floyd gave Idia a knowing smirk

Diasmona -

Silver and Lilia were left out cuz Lilia is Silver's adopted dad and also duh-

Well they planned with the idea with jokes- Silver: "Father, I have a confession to make..." Lilia: "What is it my boy?" Silver: "I...am gay father." Lilia: giggles "Oh my dear boy, I am also gay" Silver: dramatic gasp Lilia: snorts Silver: "Father, I have another confession to make..." Lilia: "What is it my boy?" Silver: "I...am in a poly relationship with someone..." Lilia: he giggles "I am also in a relationship... with your boyfriend and future step-father" Silver: makes a face cause he didn't that Lilia: cackling

Sebek, like I mentioned before, shot himself in the foot one evening during summer break

His siblings made a comment about Kalim and Sebek went red and went "How did you know?!" and is met with confusion and he excused himself to go to the other room to make a quick phone call with them all and asked if he can say it without them

After they gave him to okay, he came back and came out

Malleus was on a phone call with his grandmother after talking to the others and was in the room alone and said it, it went well since he rarely gets romantic with people and without it blowing up in his face with rejections or failed love

Esther's family I think was fine with this since Esther is getting SO MUCH LOVE but also they see Kalim and went, "If you ruin that boy's innocent soul-"

Royal Sword Academy -

Chenya came out the same week Riddle was in town, he was the most excited of them all since he's been very open since day one

His parents were confused but his grandpa and siblings were happy to hear the news

Neige was nervous but soon calmed down and came to the dwarfs who were more surprised they didn't notice and a bit concerned of some of the partners but they calmed down enough to meet them properly

They join in on NRC hang-outs but get stuck with chilling with Ortho which they ain't complaining

Arie, well-

It went with him wanting to go alone and promises to return back right after and knows it won't be good but everyone's trying to convince him to let them come with in which he was not budging

A couple hours passed and Arie texted Esther that he's going through the mirror and everyone waited for him, only to see him with a bruised face and eyeliner tear streaks on his cheeks and a red swollen lip "Yeah it didn't go so well..." He said trying to be whatever with it and walked calmly pass everyone, "What did I expects? He hates me so why would he like me being in love with men like this?"

He tried to drink the wine Rook brought for their date and Vil stopped him, he argued a bit until Silver took his hands and he shakes his head, "I'm fine guys, really, I'm fine..." He kept repeating "I'm fine" until he finally cracked and started sobbing into Silver's chest

They all watched as many movies they can rent at the Scarabia dorm with Idia's movable projector while having wine, foods of all kinds, and make-up and Arie started to feel much better

Nobel Bell Academy -

Rollo just didn't tell his family. Forget that idea

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seinnacullendenalivolturi76 · 2 months ago

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The forgotten niece of the Volturi

Chapter Three

*Kate’s POV*

It’s been a while since Seinna has seen any of the Volturi members of her family that she seems to have completely forgotten them. We have caught up with our cousins the Cullens for the wedding of Bella and Edward. I still can’t believe that they have their own kid who has been sentenced to death by Irina by just going to the Volturi and telling them. We all waited in a clearing for the Volturi to show up. I made sure that Seinna couldn’t be seen behind me and Garrett who for some weird reason Seinna has decided to call Carrot after the vegetable. Soon the Volturi arrive and call Edward forward as Renesmee is holding on to both him and Bella. After a while Aro calls forward to meet the child and to see Seinna as she is a curious child she had to peek around me to see what was going on. Slowly Bella, Renesmee, Emmett, Garrett, Seinna, a mutt and I make our way over. Aro being the creepy person that he is, comments on Bella’s immortality and sees for himself that there was no immortal child. He then turns to a nearly four year old Seinna who just stares at him confused for a whole two minutes before she spotted someone she seemed to know as she walked over to them and tried to get whoever it was to move until she fell back thankfully Felix was there to catch her and bring both her and the informer forward.

*Felix’s POV*

I can’t believe how much Seinna has grown since we all last saw her. I could overhear everything that Irina was telling her to do as she seemed to know what was going to happen to her before I handed her over to Alec to take her back over to her mum.

*Jane’s POV*

Both Alec and I were ecstatic to see Seinna again and both of us could tell even without Maser Marcus’ power that Kate and Garrett are mates. When I looked over to my twin brother I could see him giving Seinna our Christmas present for her and telling her to give another box to Garrett to give to Kate when he thought the time was right. I saw Alec run Seinna back to her mum with almost a far away sad look in his eyes when he arrived back over with his mist leading from him to Seinna, I knew that no one wanted for her to see what was about to happen. After Irina was killed both Tanya and Kate ran straight for us with Seinna being held by Esme still with Alec’s mist on her until everything had calmed down a lot. After a while Alice and Jasper showed up and Alice showed Master Aro what his future is, all while this was going on Jasper, Alec and I looked over to see Seinna nearly crying as tears were in her eyes. As soon as the vision was finished Seinna surprised everyone by running as fast as she could without tripping over to Alec and hugging his legs until he realised and picked her up while she softly cried. Soon he walked over to the mistresses and handed Seinna to Athenodora.

*Athenodora’s POV*

After about two minutes Seinna finally calmed down and asked me and Sulpicia what our names were. I was a bit surprised that she didn’t remember our names, when I told her a small look of recognition crossed her face. Soon after she placed her tiny hand on my cheek and asked through her thoughts on who the cute boy was who gave her a box to give to Carrot and gave her a Christmas present, when she took her hand from my face I could hear someone laughing and looked towards them and rolled my eyes but I couldn’t help but start to slowly laugh and everyone looked at us like we were crazy while Seinna just looked at me confused and told her that his name was Alec in my thoughts as I knew that she could hear me and then I also told her everyone else’s names that I knew as well. Eventually I realised that we were all heading off to the Cullen household I soon spotted what looked like two sets of bite marks on her neck that I thought to Edward about it and all he said was broken glass and Vladimir and Stefan, hearing that those two hurt an innocent child who could actually kill them with only her powers if she wanted to. I could tell that Seinna was getting tired and walked over to Kate for her to be put to sleep.

*Alec’s POV*

After Kate had left to put Seinna to sleep I asked Edward as to why he was laughing and he just said to my annoyance that Seinna had thought of Caius with pink hair and a pink frilly dress that she showed Athenodora. I knew that was a lie but I made my way over to Kate to ask where Seinna was as I knew that someone had to stay with her just in case of a nightmare or her managing to hurt herself while she slept. As I made my way to Seinna’s room I could hear what sounded like the start of someone about to cry. I started to slowly run to her room and found her about to cry. I walked over to her and woke her up before she could cry that she just wanted a hug.

*Seinna’s POV*

I was slightly shaken awake during a really scary nightmare which happened to be the vision again to see the cute boy whose name I had learned from Athenodora to be Alec. I just put my arms out to show that I wanted a hug which he gave me. I then spotted a V necklace that I just started to play with and he didn’t even seem mad at me, when everyone else that I didn’t know was always mad at me and hurt me. When he asked if I still had the Christmas present that he gave me I grabbed it in my tiny hands as my mum put it on my bedside table and handed it to him. When he opened it I was surprised to see a bracelet with the exact same V as on his necklace. He smiled slightly at my reaction and carefully put the bracelet on my wrist. I think I surprised him when I crawled on his lap and fell asleep again and somehow I felt like everything was going to be alright.

*Time skip to the next day*

*Demetrious’ POV*

I was a bit surprised that Alec didn’t come back down last night but I knew that he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Seinna before we head back to Volterra and leave her yet again. Eventually he came down with a still sleeping Seinna that he walked over to Jane, Kate and Tanya to get help on waking her up. When Seinna woke up she tiptoed behind Felix and Emmett and made snowballs in her hands and threw them at them starting a massive snowball fight that we all had to team up with each other, on one team was Seinna, Alec, Jane, Kate, Tanya, Edward, Bella, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Esme while on the other team was the rest of us meaning Emmett, Felix, Carlisle, Aro, Marcus, Caius, Carmen, Eleazar, and me. My team was easily outnumbered and we didn’t realise the time until Afton and Chelsea came and told us that Seinna hadn’t had any food since 6pm the day before. We all just ran back inside with Jane carrying her all while she was giggling her head off.

#Alec volturi #Jane volturi #Alec volturi x OC #Kate Denali #Afton Volturi #Chelsea Volturi #twilight

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lcnelyday · 2 years ago

Text

suvi,

i never thought i would hear from you again. none of us did. part of me feels silly asking why i was the one you chose to reach out to. obviously it wouldn't be mum, but if someone told me that we would all hear from you again, i would assume it would be kasper. he hurt you the least. i suppose the twin thing never really goes away though, does it?

it's hard to admit but i have thought of you many times in the last ten years. you were impossible to find until you weren't. and now you're impossible to ignore. my daughter alora reads your comics. she is very excited for this show of yours coming out, as is my wife. i am really proud of the fact that you stuck to your guns. i would love to have seen the look on mum's face when she heard the news about your show.

i suppose it's more polite if i tell you how i've been, since you were so kind to offer your own little update. i got married pretty quickly after you left, found the love of my life, sarah. we have two kids, alora and henrik. alora is an artist, which is appropriate since she was named after you. sarah got me into therapy when she was pregnant with alora, which helped me sort through and try to understand what kind of childhood we had been given. apparently, it was abusive and not normal. when sarah got pregnant with henrik, we decided to follow in your footsteps, cutting ties with mum and kasper. i hear they are both doing well, as well as you can living in a haunted house. kasper still sends me an email update every six months or so. i don't reply.

i was awful to you. i know that, and i don't even want to apologize in a letter. it won't count the same as if i told you in person. it's unforgivable, and i know we were both traumatized and manipulated, but you never seemed to let it touch you, and i was always so mad about that. envious i suppose. you deserved more, you deserved the brother who grew up alongside you. i know you never would have done that to me, had the roles been reversed. i am sorry we wouldn't let you come to dad's funeral. i'll never let you forgive me for that one, so don't even think about it. i know you well enough to have justified that move a million ways in your head. i saved some of his ashes for you, but i think it's illegal to mail human remains so.

i hope this guy landon is as good as you said he was. i can't believe you are engaged. and with a baby on the way. i cried the moment i read about it. it sounds like you found someone who really loves you, who really brings you peace. i am sorry we could never do that for you. i won't be like her, you know that right? you'll never be like her. that was why she hated you so much. you never reacted how she would have, and that scared the ever living shit out of her.

i don't want to overwhelm you, but if you ever want to meet up again, sarah and i are more than interested. we'll come to you, or you can come to us. or we can meet somewhere in the middle. i don't know. i've added a couple of pictures of the kids, i am so sorry you missed so much of their lives already. alora is nearly eleven. i know your comics aren't geared to her age, but she really is just like you. looks like you even. and henrik, fuck, he is just like kasper. i wonder how i ended up with two kids and neither of them are like me at all. henrik is eight, and he's a good fucking kid. smarter than all get out and kinder even still.

you're going to love sarah. you'd probably steal her from me if you had been around. she has a theory about the detective in your comics, the one that is being turned into a show. she thinks that he is based on landon, but i said that landon isn't a detective. and she laughed at me. actually laughed at me. said that kassandra nilsson (nice by the way, i appreciate it) was in love with the detective long before they got together in the comics, which is her guess for you and landon. even if it is true, can you lie and say it's not so i am not horribly embarrassed that my wife knows more about my sister than i do?

i really have missed you, vi. i can't even begin to explain how much i have grieved our relationship. i hope to hear from you again soon. i've also added my phone number, if you'd like to call and talk to the kids. alora has an instagram account, she is only allowed to share art, but she asked that i pass on her username, she follows you. i love you, suvi.

all my love, nilsson (@wynterlanding)

#suvi nygard #suvi & landon #wynterlanding

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silent-confessor · 1 year ago

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19 - 27

Trigger Warning: Abuse, Suicide, Torture, Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse, Rape, Financial Abuse, Threat, Self Harm, Addiction When I was 19. I met my now ex husband. Mark the Violent Evans Mark the "Better Than You" Evans Mark the "No One Will Love You Like I Do" Evans Mark the "No One Will Believe You If You Grass To The Police" Evans Mark the "It Wasn't *Really* Rape If We're In A Relationship" Evans Mark the "You're My Wife, So You Should Be Willing" Evans Mark the "All Of Your Friends Are Idiots" Evans Mark the "Sorry, But You Made Me Mad" Evans Mark the Financial Abuser Evans Mark the *throws all of my belongings out the window* Evans Mark the *kicked me out of our house in only a towel* Evans Mark the *locked me in the garage to 'teach me a lesson'* Evans Mark the *dragged me down the stairs by my feet because he provoked me and then I retaliated* Evans Mark the Cheater Evans Mark Christopher Evans. or LittleEbo356 Nearly a decade of beatings, being raped, being told I was going mad, being told I am the problem, being told no one will believe me, being told I was cheating, being told that no one likes me, being told that I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm worthless, I'm nothing but a fuck, I'm a waste of air. I'm a whore, I'm no better than a prostitute (whatever that even means?). Being told that all of my stuff would be in the garden if I didn't do X,Y and Z. Being told "if you don't come home now, you'll find your laptop screen smashed in" I was at work, he was accusing me of sleeping with my boss. Who is married and had recently had a child at the time of the accusation (he is still married to the same woman and has a second child with her...). Accused me of sleeping with my tattooist, my best friend, all of my male colleagues. He wished my mum would die of her addiction, because she didn't like him. (Looking back, she knew what he was all about and I, at the time, was too weak to say she was right. But before she passed away, she saw me leave him.) Mark Evans also told me he hoped he would find me "hanging" when he got home, after he watched me bleed, after he watched me crumble, cry, fit, bleed, beg for death, rock back and forth, self harm, starve, over eat and try to cut my own face off on Anti-Depressants Citalopram, Sertraline, Sertraline, Peroxatine, Sertraline in that order. Everything I liked was rubbish. Music? It's all crap and they're all pedophiles. Movies? I only want to watch them because I fancied the actor. Food: disgusting (I was transitioning to becoming vegetarian which I'd wanted to become since I was SIXTEEN and during this time i was forced to eat meat, game, fish, molluscs, brains, hearts, kidneys... everything, he forced me to put my hand under raw chicken skin to put butter inside and I cried as I did it, to which he laughed at.) I lost my entire sense of self because of Mark Evans and it has taken me EIGHT YEARS to be able to write your name online. But I will say it. Loudly. Mark Christopher Evans, YOU are an abuser.

#personal #Abuse survivor #abuse victim #emotional abuse #rapesurvivor #rapeawareness #rapevictim #torture #trauma survivor #survivor

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wordsofgravity · 2 years ago

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dear big bear,

when you left me, you took everything. (nearly. you let me keep your hoodie even though you wanted it back.) you’ve taken everything and left. and with you, you’ve taken my words. i’ve been trying to write this poem for 64 days, and now after all that time it’s not even going to be a poem. it’s going to be a stupid letter that is so deranged that some shithead fine artist could probably pass it as a postmodern poetic masterpiece and sell it as an nft. you’ve done it! for once something has rendered me such a mess that i can’t even format it into neat rows to make sense of. and i’ve tried to kill myself! twice! that’s really saying something! congrats.

incredible, how even after we - us - (what beautiful words!) - are finished, i’m still writing you letters all the time. i know you never read that last one i sent. about the fish that wrote a whole album. it’s okay. i just wish you had told me to stop. now you have all my words in a pile or a folder shoved somewhere under your bed and i can’t have them back. my words, my words, my words.

i dreamt that you came back to my flat for more of your things. you were here for hours, taking and taking and taking. you kept leaving and coming back. eventually you started taking the floorboards, and great chunks of the walls, until everything was just pipes. everything was just pipes. i was just balancing on pipes, and you were never really leaving, but never really staying either.

i only ever wake up crying when it’s the nice dreams. (insert footage of me battering thom yorke’s face in.) it’s the ones where my brain is still convinced that you’re a part of me. always just kind of there, as a fellow spectator of whatever dr suess gta shit i’m dreaming. not even a separate entity to me. i didn’t ever know that an empty space besides me could feel so cold. if i paid more attention in gcse physics i could probably put some really witty comparison to whatever fucking outer space phenomenon there is in here. instead i’ll say: my bed is too big. it goes on forever. i’m so terrified of sleeping that i’ve just sort of stopped doing it. i heart 8am! very cool.

you wanna know something? the day you left me, it felt like you left with me. like you took me with you and now i’m just some like, dry shedded snake skin that’s gonna disintegrate with the next breeze. i remember as you were leaving, it was raining horribly. we both said “pathetic fallacy” at the exact same time, and then did this awkward kind of laugh-sob also at the same time, and then we were very silent after that. once you’d left, i cried until i almost threw up and then i called mum and asked her to pick me up.

the next day, i swear to god it was the most beautiful day i had seen in months. possibly ever. i don’t even know what kind of symbolism that is to be honest. i’m not clever enough. or maybe i’m still too much in denial. i guess those are the same thing. or maybe just what it means to be human? (hm? so just… never clever enough then???) mum and i threw the petals i’d saved from all the flowers you bought me into the ocean, and they blew straight back and a dog came sniffing at them and it was way less cool than our movie moment the afternoon before. who cares. it all gets to be part of one big metaphor that even i don’t understand in my own non-poem.

do you think any of my future employers have a way of finding this? sometimes i worry. please hire me, i’m only 21 and still very, very stupid. i’m sure i’ll be less stupid by the time you’re reading this. maybe not. but less deranged? probably! (grins at you) (with teeth)

look, what i’m trying to say is that today was really hard. i think a lot of the time i forget that this decision you made for us is a forever decision, and that you’re not ever coming back. we might not even get to be friends again. the thought of that makes me panic. i’m trying to hold the progress i’ve made close, but it’s hard. it’s really hard. today was really fucking hard without you, big bear. i miss you so much. all the fucking time. when we were so, so happy and in love at the beginning, you got annoyed that we kept falling into saying clichéd things because there really was no other way to say such big things. i’m realising now it’s the same with this big huge massive pain. i feel lost without you. how else can i frame that? no matter how much i decorate it, that’s all there is. i miss you. and i’m lost. that’s all. that’s all.

yours no longer,

little bear

#unsent letters #wlw #lesbian #heartbreak #sapphic

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rushingheadlong · 2 years ago

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The Worst Best Friend in the World - A Roger x f!Reader fic

Summary: You and Roger have been calling each other the “worst best friend” for years now, but it’s only recently that it’s started to hit a little too close to home - because only the worst of people would fall in love with their best friend like you did.

Tags: ~8700 words, Roger x f!Reader, angst, h/c, friends-to-lovers, soft smut

Notes: Written for a request from a tumblr user who wishes to remain anonymous. Requests are technically closed so I’m not accepting anymore, but I loved this prompt and just couldn’t resist writing something for it!

Read on AO3 here!

1957

“I hate you Roger Taylor! You’re the worst best friend in the whole entire world!”

Years later, when you look back on that day, you won’t remember what Roger did that upset you so badly. You’ll remember running back home in tears but you won’t remember that you cried so hard that you got hiccups, or that you were nearly sick down the front of your mum’s skirt when she wrapped her arms around you and asked what was wrong. You won’t remember what you told her and you won’t remember crying yourself to sleep that night, hours after the fight actually happened.

What you do remember is seeing him waiting for you by the school gates the next morning. Even now, years after the fact, you remember how nervous he looked when he handed you a piece of paper, and you remember how small his voice sounded when he said, “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean what I said. Will you still be my friend?”

You remember opening the piece of paper to see a crude drawing of two stick figures holding hands with your names inside a lopsided heart. At the top of the page, written in Roger’s childish script, are the words Best Friends Forever.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

15 years later…

Tonight’s venue is small, and by the time you finally arrive the place is already packed to the gills with people. You can’t see the makeshift stage setup on the far side of the room but you easily recognize the sound of Queen performing, and you’ve been to enough of their shows by now that you know they’re coming to the end of their set. Damnit. You wanted to get here earlier but your fucking boss held you back, and now it’s going to be a nightmare trying to get backstage to meet up with your friends.

So you don’t try to weasel your way behind the stage at all. You instead duck outside and around the back of the building towards where Queen’s old van is parked, figuring that they have to return to the vehicle at some point and you’ll just meet up with them then. Tonight must be your lucky night, though, because you find the rear door to the venue open and you’re able to slip back inside just in time to hear Freddie say goodnight to the crowd.

“Well look who finally decided to show up!” Roger calls out as the band makes their way down the back hallway. “Thought you decided to skip out on us tonight!”

“Nah, my fucking boss just decided to hold me late,” you explain as you follow him and the others into the dressing room.

“And you didn’t tell him to go fuck himself and leave anyway? Worst best friend ever,” Roger teases, and you laugh at the old inside joke.

The two of you have been slinging that ‘accusation’ at each other ever since that fight when you were ten, but apart from once or twice in the middle of heated arguments it’s never been meant with any sort of seriousness. On the contrary there’s a great deal of fondness captured in those three words that doesn’t seem like it should fit with being called someone’s “worst best friend” but it’s because you both keep the joke running that you know your friendship with Roger is still going strong after all this time.

“Hey now that’s not fair. A real worst best friend wouldn’t have shown up at all,” you say, slinging an arm around Roger’s shoulders. He worked up a sweat while drumming and it’s a bit gross to be touching him right now, but it doesn’t really bother you.

When it comes to Roger there are a lot of things that don’t really bother you, even if they probably should.

Roger laughs. “No, I think that’s just called being a bad friend.” He playfully elbows you and adds, “C’mon, get off me so I can get changed.”

You nod and let go of him, even though that’s the last thing you want to do. No one asks you to leave the room, neither Roger nor the rest of Queen, and you’ve long since stopped raising the subject yourself. You’re Roger’s old mate from school - practically one of the guys - and so none of them seem to think that maybe they should want you to step outside while they drop trou.

That means that you’re free to lean against the doorframe and ogle the boys as they change. Or at least that's what you'd be doing if you had the stomach for ogling your friends, but you don't. It just doesn't feel right for you to be eyeing up Roger like that when he's made it clear - through actions, if not words - that he doesn't feel the same.

There is one advantage to your position by the door, though. You’re the first to hear the sound of giggles and hushed whispers floating down the corridor, and when you glance in that direction you can see the two girls clearly trying to work up the courage to come talk to the band.

“Head’s up,” you tell the boys. It’s just enough of a warning for Roger to zip up his trousers and throw on a shirt, before the girls are hovering nervously at your shoulder.

“Um, hi there!” one of the girls says. “We saw your show and just wanted to tell you that it was fantastic! You guys were really brilliant out there.”

“Thank you,” Freddie says. “It’s always lovely to hear what the fans think of our music.”

The girls seem to take that as permission to move further into the small room, pushing past you without so much as a ‘pardon me’. You roll your eyes behind their backs and try to send Roger a Can you believe this? look, but he doesn’t see it.

Because while the brunette takes a seat by Freddie really does seem eager to talk about Queen’s music, her blonde friend has made a beeline for Roger - and judging by the look in her eyes and her hand on his arm, she has other things on her mind than the show she just watched.

And, even worse, Roger seems to be perfectly happy to entertain her advances.

This is a side of Roger that you’re still trying to get used to. He tried dating a few girls when the two of you first got to uni, but the relationships never really worked out and eventually he gave up on dating altogether. Or at least that’s all that you can assume happened, given that you’ve long since stopped seeing the same girls more than once or twice.

If you’re being honest with yourself - which you try not to be, at least not where Roger is concerned - it makes you uncomfortable to watch him with other girls. You know that the attention he receives is unavoidable, especially as Queen keeps gaining a proper following, but why does he have to respond so eagerly every time a pretty girl flirts with him? It’s not that you’re a prude, and god nows you’d be the world’s biggest hypocrite if you started spouting off against of pre-marital sex, but it’s just… it’s just…

The girls waltz past you with another flurry of giggles, pulling you from your thoughts. You hope this means that you can get back to the plans you had already made with Roger, but those hopes are immediately dashed when you see the lovestruck look on his face as he watches the blonde leave.

Then he glances your way, and immediately winces at the expression on your face. So much for trying to hide your annoyance.

Roger gives you an apologetic grin and tries to explain himself. “Ah, Y/N, I wasn’t- I mean I know we had plans, but-”

“Oh, go on then,” you say, jerking your thumb over your shoulder towards the door behind you.

Roger perks up a bit. “You don’t mind?”

You do mind, but you’re not going to admit that to him now. “No, but you’re going to owe me one for this. You now that, right?”

“I’ll buy you dinner later this week to make it up to you,” Roger promises.

“Sounds perfect,” you say, though there’s a part of you that wishes that ‘dinner’ meant more than just a simple meal. Except Roger is grinning at you, that bright and beautiful grin that you love so much, and so it’s hard to really be disappointed with his offer. “But you’re still the worst best friend for leaving me like this!”

“I know,” Roger says. It’s an apology for leaving, and a thank-you for letting him, and because it’s Roger you don’t need anything more said than that.

Because you do know. You know that you’re only uncomfortable with his flirting and hookups because he’s never looked at you that way before.

And you know, beyond any doubt, that he never will.

XXXXX

When you were sixteen your mum had put her foot down and insisted that you go to at least one school dance that year. It wasn’t that you hated socializing with your peers or that you objected to getting a bit dolled-up (though you did object to the dress that your mum wanted to put you in); it’s just that school dances are always either boring or awkward, or more often than not a miserable combination of the two, and you had better things to do with your time than suffer through that.

You were in the middle of bemoaning that fact to Roger when he suggested, “Why don’t we just go together then?”

“Weren’t you listening to anything I was just saying?” you asked with a laugh. “Because I think us going to a dance together would definitely make things awkward!”

“I didn’t mean that we should go together-together,” Roger said. “Just as friends. That way when things get boring we can sneak away and find something better to do.”

"I'm pretty sure they don't let the students sneak out of the dance like that."

"And I'm pretty sure that as long as we're sneaky enough they'll never even notice!"

And in the end, they never did.

You and Roger put in enough of an appearance at the dance to make it seem like you were there. Just enough that, should your mums cross paths with one of the chaperones and get to chatting, no one would have anything to say to raise suspicions. But at the first opportunity the two of you snuck out the back door and disappeared into the Cornish night... which really meant that the two of you wandered down to the football pitch and sat on the damp grass, uncaring of the mess you were making of your nice clothes.

You and Roger spent the rest of the night just laughing and talking about whatever came into your heads: school, exams, your holiday plans and Roger’s band rehearsals… It was going to be a busy summer for the both of you and you were worried about how much time you’ll have to spend together, but Roger swiftly put those fears to rest.

“I’ll drop the band before I drift away from you,” he said firmly.

“No you won’t! You love the band!”

“I do, but I lo-” The rest of his sentence was cut off by Roger clearing his throat, but you knew him well enough to guess what he had been about to say.

At the time, you were happy that he didn’t say I love you more and instead rambled on about how your friendship was more important than any band would ever be. You were both sixteen, that age where you stop saying that you love your friends and start saying those words to the person you’re dating instead. Roger might have saved the conversation by steering it back towards safer topics but your burning hot cheeks and the flush on Roger’s face were a testament to the moment of awkwardness that almost was.

Now as you think back on that night, you wonder if your embarrassment wasn’t because the both of you were awkward teens - but rather because you were already a little in love with Roger. And not at all in a platonic way.

You can’t pinpoint the exact moment that you fell in love with him, or even the first time you consciously realized that you had these feelings at all. Maybe they’ve just always been there, another constant in your life just like Roger has always been. You wonder if that means that you’ll always love him then, and whether you’re prepared to always feel as shitty as you do now every time that you have to watch Roger take home a girl who isn’t you.

Sometimes you think back to that night you spent out by the football pitch instead of inside dancing and you imagine what it could have been like if Roger had actually said the words, I love you. Would you have had the courage to respond as if it wasn’t meant platonically? Would that have changed anything between you, or would it only have ruined the best friendship with the worst best friend you’ve ever known?

Sometimes you imagine how things could be if Roger says I love you now. Sometimes you fantasize that his confession turns things a bit steamy, but you know that’s all you’re ever going to have: Just your fantasies, and nothing more.

XXXXX

The next time you see Roger is at Queen’s rehearsal a few days later. He told you to stop by when they were done so he could buy you the dinner he promised, but for once you had nothing else on your calendar so you decided to swing by at the start of practice so you could say hello to the rest of the guys as well.

You must have arrived just after Roger, though, because the first thing you see is him kissing another girl just outside the band’s practice space. It’s a blonde again, but not the same one from the other night. She’s taller than the last girl, or at least wearing higher heels, and wearing an outfit that makes her look like she just walked off the pages of a Biba advert. She’s drop-dead gorgeous, anyone with eyes can see that, and your stomach twists with a white-hot jealousy as you watch her blow Roger a kiss goodbye before she finally leaves.

“Hey, Y/N!” Roger calls out. You quickly pretend that you weren’t glaring daggers into the back of that girl’s head and turn to look at him instead. “You’re here early. Didn’t have anything better to do?”

“Just didn’t want you skipping out early when you owe me a dinner,” you say. Roger laughs, and his good mood gives you the courage to ask, “So who was that then? New girlfriend?”

“New girl, at least,” Roger answers.

“Is she going to be sticking around?”

“Dunno.” Roger is still grinning but there’s a growing look of confusion on his face as well and he asks, “What’s with the twenty questions? You don’t usually care this much about who I hang out with.”

You shrug, trying to feign an air of nonchalance that you don’t entirely feel. “Just curious, that’s all. What, am I not allowed to take an interest in my friend’s life anymore?”

“Ass,” Roger says, laughing. He elbows you playfully and adds, “C’mon, let’s get inside before they send Brian out to see what’s taking so long.”

Roger seems to have already brushed off your questions but you still feel rattled as you follow him into Queen’s rehearsal space. He has a point, after all; you don’t usually interrogate him like that and it worries you that just seeing him with another girl can get under your skin like that.

You know you can get a bit jealous of the girls that he takes home but you can’t let Roger know that. If he finds out about your jealousy - if he found out how you really feel about him - you really would become the worst best friend in the world. Except, it wouldn’t be much of a joke at that point at all.

Luckily Roger doesn’t seem to suspect anything. If he was ever suspicious about your one-too-many questions earlier, it’s faded by the time rehearsal is over and the two of you head out. One quick stop for takeaway later and you two end up back at his flat, where you bicker good-naturedly about what to put on the telly while you eat and try to steal bites of the other’s food behind their back.

You aren’t in any rush tonight to return to your own flat. You love being able to spend time with Roger like this, just the two of you, just like the old days. You finish eating, and you’re perfectly happy to stay on the cramped sofa with Roger’s knee digging into yours and let the hours of the evening tick by. By the time you finally, begrudgingly, make a comment about needing to head home it’s late enough that you almost regret waiting this long to leave, if only because you hate walking home in the dark.

“You know you can always stay the night,” Roger tells you.

“I know,” you say, but you also know that you never will. Not anymore, not when you know that you’d just be lying awake on the couch wishing you were in bed with Roger instead. “But I’ll sleep better without springs poking into my back.”

“You can take my bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch,” Roger offers.

Your heart skips a beat but you manage to hide it with a laugh and say, “A mattress spring digging into my spine isn’t much better than a couch spring, Rog! Now, do you remember where I put my wallet?”

“I hid it so you wouldn’t be able to leave.”

“Worst best friend.” You smack his shoulder playfully as you walk past and add, “You better return it by the time I get back from the toilet, or I’m taking your wallet home with me instead!”

You’re still chuckling to yourself as you finish up your business. You can hear Roger moving around in the living room and you’re certain that he’s grabbing your wallet from wherever he stashed it. Still, there’s a part of you that thinks it would be a little funny if you walked out with Roger’s wallet in your pocket instead.

You move over to the sink to wash your hands - but then you see something on the counter that makes you stop short.

There’s a hair there, a long, bright red one that definitely does not match the hair of anyone you’ve seen Roger with recently. In fact you can’t remember ever seeing Roger go home with a redhead before. You always knew that there were probably more girls around than you had actually met but you weren’t prepared to have the evidence of that thrown in your face at the end of an otherwise perfect night like this.

Suddenly you can picture her perfectly in your mind’s eye, checking her hair quickly in the mirror before joining Roger in the bedroom or redoing her makeup the morning after the fact. There’s a dark smear on the countertop that could be eyeliner and you furiously rub it away with your finger until the white porcelain gleams again. You take a petty joy in removing any evidence that there’s other women in Roger’s life, even if you know that won’t change anything about your relationship with him.

XXXXX

If you’re being honest with yourself, which you’re still trying not to do, you bought the makeup because of Roger. You just couldn’t stop thinking about all the girls that he takes home and comparing yourself to them, and even though you can’t afford a new wardrobe to look more stylish or larger heels to make yourself look taller you can afford to duck into Biba to pick up a few new items of makeup to try out.

You don’t think you can pull off some of the bolder looks popularized by today’s models, but you’ve always had a deft hand with eyeliner and it’s easy for you to copy the crisp cat-eye look in the magazine pages. The blue eyeshadow isn’t your usual color but it does make your eyes pop, and with the addition of lipstick and liner you think you could almost be mistaken for Twiggy. At least, from a distance. And at a night.

Still you have a spring in your step as you head out to meet Queen ahead of that night’s show. You don’t know if this will be enough to get Roger to see you in a different light or not, but the appreciative looks you get from others as you make your way towards the dressing room are a welcome boost to your confidence nonetheless.

“Look at you, Y/N!” Freddie says as you walk into the room. “What’s the special occasion, then?”

“No special occasion,” you tell him. “Just felt like getting dressed up tonight, that’s all.”

“Well you look very nice,” John says.

You beam at him. “Thank you!” You lean against the wall and ask, as casually as you can, “I take it Roger’s running late tonight?”

“Him and Brian both,” John says, with a slight roll of his eyes. “Hopefully they’ll be here soon…”

Freddie cocks his head and says, “Oh, I think they will be.”

Now that Freddie has pointed it out you can hear the faint, but steadily growing louder, sounds of Brian and Roger arguing drifting down the hall towards the dressing room. Judging by the looks on Freddie’s and John’s faces this is an old, recurring argument of theirs, but that doesn’t do much to tone down the passion in their voices as they bicker about some facet of one of their songs. Brian walks into the room first, gesticulating so wildly that he almost hits John with his guitar case, and Roger is right on his heels, talking over him and completely oblivious to his surroundings.

“Alright, alright, that’s quite enough for one night!” Freddie says. They don’t pay him any mind, though, and so he claps his hands and says, louder this time, “Hey! Cut it out!”

They both jump slightly. Brian mumbles an apology and starts getting his guitar ready, while Roger says, “Sorry, Freddie, but you know that the song needs- Holy shit, Y/N!”

Roger does a visible double-take at the sight of you. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open in surprise, and you have to bite the inside of your mouth to stop yourself from laughing.

“Something wrong?” you ask, voice dripping with faux-innocence.

Roger shakes his head, a gesture of someone trying to pull their thoughts back together rather than an answer to your question. “No, but what’s on your face?”

The question stings more than you want to let on, and your stomach sinks. That wasn’t the reaction you were hoping to get from him.

“It’s makeup,” you snap and, before you can think better of it, you add, “Thought you would’ve been used to it from those girls you keep taking home.”

“I’m only used to girls who look good with their makeup on, not one who try to imitate a clown,” Roger says.

He’s grinning, like he just cracked a hilarious joke, but you don’t find it funny at all. It just hurts, more than anything you can remember Roger ever saying to you before. He looks at you, waiting for you to retort with a similar sort of jab, but as tears start to prick at the corner of your eyes all you want is to get as far away from him and this situation as possible.

“You know sometimes Roger you really are the worst fucking friend in the world,” you say, as you gather your coat and storm past him out of the room.

“Jesus christ, Rog! Do you ever think before you say something?” you hear John snap at him behind you, but you don’t stop or turn around.

You hurry out of the venue, needing to put as much distance between yourself and Roger as you can so he doesn’t see you crying. You don’t know what you were thinking, trying to get this sort of validation from him. That’s not the sort of friendship you two will ever have, so why did you even put yourself in this position in the first place? You wipe furiously at your eyes, not caring that the gesture will smear makeup all over your face. Why should you care about that anyway, when your original look apparently made you look like a clown to the only person whose opinion you cared about?

When you get home you wash your face and throw out the new makeup you bought, because you know you’ll never be able to stomach wearing it again. You don’t even know if you’ll be able to stomach seeing Roger again; the thought of losing him from your life still terrifies you, but it’s clear that your feelings for him are getting out of control. You can’t even begin to think of how you’re going to explain away this reaction when you see him again… and as the night drags on, you start to wonder if you even should see Roger again, or if you should take this as a sign that your friendship with him has finally reached an end.

XXXXX

You’re woken abruptly by the sound of loud, insistent knocking echoing through your flat. You blink against the bright lights, and it takes you a moment to realize that you must have dozed off on the couch. You don’t know what time it is, only that it’s still dark outside, and you’re sleepy enough that your spat with Roger is the last thing on your mind as you shuffle over to the door to see who’s bothering you at this late hour.

The answer - and you really should have seen this coming - is that it’s Roger standing there on your front steps. He’s sweating and breathing heavily and still in his stage clothes, and despite the hurt you still feel your stomach swoops at the sight of him.

“Y/N, hey, can I… Can I come in?” he asks hesitantly. “Can we talk?”

You grip the door a little harder. “It’s late. What are you even doing here?”

“Trying to apologize to you,” Roger says. “I wanted to come by earlier but there was the show, and Freddie said I should let you cool down first…” He sighs and gives you a remorseful half-smile. “Probably should’ve waited until the morning, I’ll accept that, but I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” you lie. “Apology accepted. You can leave now.”

You try to shut the door, but Roger quickly stops you. “Hey, c’mon now, Y/N. I’m really, really sorry. You looked great with the makeup on, honest.”

“Yeah, like a great clown.”

Roger winces at the reminder of what he said to you. “No, that was just me being an ass. I thought we were just teasing each other like we always do but I crossed a line there and I am so sorry for hurting you. You looked beautiful tonight. I promise you did.”

Somehow the compliment hurts worse than the earlier insult did. “Don’t say that,” you tell him.

“What? Compliment you?” Roger asks. “It’s true, though. You did look beautiful with the makeup on.”

“Stop it,” you say. “You don’t need to lie to make me feel better.”

“It’s not a lie,” Roger says. “You did look great with the makeup. But you always look gorgeous without it too.” You shake your head and Roger huffs, and asks, “Why don’t you believe me? Just because of what I said before?”

“No, because you don’t say things like that to me!” you snap. “I’m your friend, I’m one of the guys, and we don’t compliment each other like that! So if you’re going to start doing that now then you can fuck off and not come back, because I can’t-”

You cut yourself off before you can either say something that you’ll really regret, or start crying like a baby in front of Roger. You try to shut the door again but he sticks his foot in the way, and he doesn’t even flinch when you slam the door uselessly against the side of his shoe anyway.

“Y/N, what the hell’s going on?” he asks. “You’re not acting like yourself. Did something happen?”

He looks and sounds worried and that kills you inside. You hate being the cause of his concern, and you hate knowing that the two of you are just going to keep ending up here no matter what you do - maybe not in this same exact situation, but you know you’re only going to keep being hurt the longer you try to bottle up your feelings.

“What happened is that I fell in love with the worst best friend I could ever have,” you tell him tiredly. “And I know he doesn’t feel the same so I hate hearing him call me beautiful when I know he only means it platonically.” You sigh, and lean heavily against the door, and add, “So can you just leave me alone now? Please?”

Roger stares at you, mouth agape in open surprise, but with his foot still stuck in the door so you can’t even close it in his face.

“Please,” you repeat, a little quieter.

That seems to shake Roger out of his stupor. His gaze becomes a little more searching, like he’s trying to read your expression to make sense of everything you just admitted.

“Do you mean me?” he finally asks. You don’t respond, which is probably answer enough for him, because he huffs in frustration and says, “C’mon, Y/N, let me in. I think we need to talk.”

You don’t want to. You want Roger to go away and let you lick your wounds in private, so that the next time you see each other maybe you can pretend that none of this happened and you two can go back to the way things used to be. But you know nothing can ever be the same again, and trying to push back this conversation will only make things worse. So, despite the fact that your heart is in your stomach, you reluctantly nod and open the door to let Roger inside.

Normally you like having Roger in your flat. You like spending time with him and when they’re at yours you can at least guarantee that none of his bandmates will be unexpectedly interrupting you. Tonight, though, you can feel yourself tensing up as Roger walks into your living room and takes a seat on your couch.

He glances back at you, and offers you a crooked smile. “You going to stand there all night, or do you want to sit down too?”

You shake your head. Your place is small and the only place left to sit is next to Roger, and you don’t think you can stand to be that close to him while having this conversation. “I’ll stand, thanks.”

Roger’s face falls, and you immediately feel guilty.

“However you think I’m going to react, I promise it’s not like that,” Roger tells you. “I’m not mad at you or anything.”

“But you should be!” There are tears pricking at your eyes again but you try to blink them back as you continue, saying, “God, Roger, I’m so sorry. I know we joke about it all the time but this really does make me a terrible friend, and I know that and I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen and I never wanted it to change things between us-”

“But what if I want to change things between us?” Roger interrupts.

You flinch at the question and wrap your arms around yourself, as if the gesture can help you physically hold yourself together, but that’s not enough to stop a tear from slipping down your cheek. If that’s what Roger really wants then you don’t know that you’ll be able to change his mind, and your heart is already absolutely shattered at the prospect of losing him.

“No, no, Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that,” Roger says quickly. He stands up and takes a small, abortive step towards you before he realizes that that might make the situation worse and he slowly sinks back down on the couch.

“What I meant to say,” Roger says, soft and gentle, “is that I want things to change because I’m also in love with you.”

Time seems to freeze around you. Your breath hitches in your throat and your watery eyes widen in surprise and you wait for Roger to say something else, to say anything else, to give any explanation at all - but he doesn’t, and somehow you find your voice enough to croak out, “What?”

“I’m in love you with,” Roger repeats. “Have been, for a long time. That’s why I stopped dating, because how I felt about them couldn’t hold a candle to my feelings for you.”

“But… those girls you take home…”

Roger ducks his head in embarrassment. “I was trying to forget about you,” he admits. He glances back up at you and adds, sheepishly, “Didn’t really work too well, though. Even when I was with them I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Why?”

He blinks at you. “Why… what?”

“Why would you think of me when you already had the prettiest girl in any room on your arm?” you ask bitterly. Despite what Roger’s saying now, you still remember all too well how it felt to compare yourself to those girls and always finding yourself coming up short.

“But I didn’t have the prettiest girl in the room. That’s why I had to settle for them instead.” Roger studies your face and, slowly, he asks, “Y/N, did you really think that I didn’t notice how beautiful you are?”

You can feel your own face starting to flush now and you point out, rather hotly, “Well you never said anything! I was right there and you never once seemed to notice me like that!”

“Guess I’m a better actor than I thought,” Roger tries to joke.

You’re far too upset for it to land properly. You’ve been making yourself miserable for ages now by comparing yourself for those other girls, and for no reason at all! You’re embarrassed that Roger seems to have picked up on your insecurities like that, and angry that all of this could have been avoided if you had been less of a coward and just said something-

“I’m so, so sorry, Y/N,” Roger says. The apology, thankfully, interrupts your rapidly-spiraling thoughts before they can get much worse. “I was so worried about making you uncomfortable that I guess I went too far in the opposite direction, and I’m so sorry for that. I never meant for you to feel unnoticed. Believe me, I’ve always seen you and you’ve always been the best distraction in my life.”

Your face must be bright red by now with how hot it feels, and all you can think to say is, “You could have said something, you know!”

Roger laughs softly. “Yeah, alright. That’s fair enough. Guess the least I can do then is finally say something now.”

He stands up again and, though your heart is racing in your chest, you somehow manage to pull yourself together enough to meet his eyes.

“Y/N, I love you,” he says. “You’re gorgeous and funny and the worst best friend anyone could ever ask for, and I have wanted to kiss you for years.” He takes a step forward, this time with confidence, and asks, “Will you let me start making up for lost time now?”

XXXXX

Time seems to slow down at Roger holds out one hand towards you, waiting for you to make the next move. Waiting for you to confirm that, yes, you really do want to take this next step together with him.

It’s a question that he hardly needs to ask. You’re moving before you even find your voice again, uncurling from the ball of tension you had wound yourself into and reaching out to lace your fingers together with Roger’s, before finally answering, “Yes.”

You take a step towards him, or maybe Roger uses your clasped hands to pull you in. You don’t really know and it don’t really matters, because the end outcome is still the same: You, pressed close against Roger, one of his hands on your hip, as he leans down to kiss you.

It isn’t exactly the kiss of your dreams. Your heart is racing so quickly that you’re nearly trembling, and maybe that’s what makes the angle of the kiss just a bit awkward and off. Roger laughs nervously and tries to adjust but somehow that just makes things worse, and he finally ends up pulling away altogether after only the barest brush of his mouth near yours.

Roger’s face is red and he nearly trips over himself trying to apologize, but you don’t need him to do that. “Rog, it’s okay,” you assure him. “Guess we’re both just nervous, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Roger sighs and offers you a crooked smile, and asks, “Wanna give it another go?”

You nod, and this time you lean up to meet Roger halfway in a kiss that’s much more coordinated than before.

It still isn’t exactly perfect - but it is pretty damn close.

And when Roger pulls back, several long moments later, you can see a hunger in his eyes that makes it clear that this is only the beginning of everything he wants to do with you.

It’s that look that wipes away the last of your insecurities, because it’s a look that makes it clear that Roger really does want you. And suddenly it doesn’t matter what other girls he’s been with before or how you measure up against them. All that matters is that he’s with you now, and he doesn’t seem to be in any rush to let you go.

“I think I could spend the rest of the night kissing you, y’know,” Roger says. His voice is low, almost a purr, and the sound of it is nearly enough to make you weak in the knees.

“Then why don’t you?” you ask.

Roger’s hand tightens slightly on your hip. “Because there’s no reason to rush things. I want to do things properly here. I want to take you on dates and buy you flowers and-”

“And,” you cut in, “we’ve known each other for most of our lives. If anything we’ve been taking things slow up until now, so if you want to kiss me again…”

“I want to do more than just kiss you, though,” Roger admits, as if he actually thinks that’s going to make you pull the breaks now.

You let go of his hand, but only so you can shift even closer to Roger and drape your arms over his shoulders. “Then why don’t you?” you repeat, this time in a low murmur.

Roger inhales sharply. “Y/N… Are you sure?”

“Yes,” you say, without any hesitation. “And if you leave me waiting now, you really will be the worst-”

Roger interrupts the rest of your sentence with another kiss, a bit more forceful this time, a little more heated. He pushes up the hem of your shirt a bit, his fingers just teasing along the skin of your stomach, but that’s enough to get you to whimper against his mouth. You’re painfully aware of the fact that you’re just in your pajamas, and definitely not wearing a bra anymore. If Roger moves his hand just a little bit higher…

“Bedroom?” Roger asks, his hand still resting just above the waistband of your sleep-shorts.

You nod, and despite the fact that this is your flat you let Roger lead the way into the bedroom. He obviously knows where it is since he’s been here before. He’s even slept in your bed before, when the two of you were two pissed for it to matter, but tonight you’re both clear-headed and sleep is the last thing on your minds.

Roger kisses you again, and this time when his hands toy with the hem of your shirt there’s a purpose there that makes you shiver.

“Can I?” he asks. You nod again, and lift your arms so Roger can carefully remove your top.

You have to fight the urge to wrap your arms around yourself to hide your breasts, but Roger doesn’t give you any time to feel self-conscious.

“You’re gorgeous,” he says. If it wasn’t already clear from his voice that he means it, you can see how his eyes darken in appreciation and when he presses close for another kiss you can feel his growing hardness against your hip. “Lie down on the bed for me?” he murmurs against your lips.

You pluck at the top that he’s still wearing and say, “Only if you take this off.”

You’ve seen Roger shirtless countless times before over the years but this time is different, because this time you don’t have to hide your staring. You watch with open appreciation as he joins you on the bed and settles between your spread legs, and all you can think to say is, “You’re gorgeous.”

Roger laughs. “Stealing my lines now, Y/N?” he teases. He slides one hand up your body, palming your breast and eliciting a quiet gasp from you which he quickly swallows down with another kiss, because apparently he wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted to spend the rest of the night doing that.

He trails kisses down your neck, across your collarbones and along the tops of your breasts. He swipes a thumb across your nipple as he kisses down your sternum, and you can feel yourself start to throb with anticipation as he moves down the planes of your stomach until his lips are just above your waistband. And it’s there that he lingers for a moment, pressing kisses into your navel but making no moves to keep things heading south.

You reach down and card a hand through Roger’s hair, pushing it back away from his face and making him glance back up at you with a questioning look.

“You don’t have to eat me out if you don’t want to,” you tell him. You know from experience that that can be a sticking point for some guys, and you would never push Roger to do something he didn’t want to do.

But Roger is quick to reassure you, “No, no I definitely want to. I was trying to think of a romantic way of asking, but since you said it first…” He plucks at your waistband and grins up at you. “Wanna take these off so I can eat your pussy and blow your mind?”

His phrasing of the question makes you laugh. You like that Roger can keep things light-hearted and humorous in bed. It helps keep your nerves and insecurities at bay as you lift your hips to allow Roger to remove your shorts and panties, leaving you fully bared beneath him.

“Beautiful,” Roger murmurs, appreciative, as he presses a soft kiss just below your navel. Then another even lower than that, and you spread your legs a bit wider in anticipation of him finally moving down between them. He does keep moving down your body but not where you want him to go. He kisses down one of your inner thighs, then up the other one, seemingly unaware of how wet you’re becoming.

“Rog- oh,” your complaint is cut-off before you can even say anything, as Roger suddenly licks a broad stroke over your core, ending with a small flick of his tongue against your clit.

You moan and grab at the blankets beneath you as Roger begins to eat you out in earnest. He’s so fucking good at this and the reality is so much better than your fantasies ever were. Roger holds your hips down and laps at your core like he can’t get enough of the taste of you. His clever tongue finds your clit and he alternates between teasing licks and light suckling, the combination driving you absolutely crazy with need.

You’re flushed and panting and absolutely incoherent with desperation. You want to come so badly… but you don’t want to come like this.

Somehow you manage to let go of the blankets so you can gently push Roger away - something that’s far easier said than done, when Roger’s mouth feels as good as it does.

He does stop but he gives you a confused and worried look and asks, "Is something wrong?"

"No! No, god no," you say quickly, and a look of relief immediately crosses Roger’s face. “But I don’t wanna come until you fuck me.”

Roger groans and unconsciously grinds his hips down against the mattress. “Fuck, Y/N, are you sure? I’m, ah, I’m probably not going to last long this time-”

“I don’t care,” you reassure him. You card a hand through his hair, and shiver as he nuzzles against your inner thigh. “I’m already close. I just wanna feel you first."

"Well I'll never say no to that." Roger kisses the inside of your leg, before sitting up and asking, "Condoms?"

"In the drawer."

Roger nods and grabs one, along with the small bottle of lube that you had stashed in there. You're not sure that it'll be needed given how absolutely soaked you already are, but you can appreciate the care he shows in the gesture. Roger is clearly a thoughtful lover but almost to a fault; he somehow manages to shimmy out of his trousers and underwear before you can even offer to help undress him, and you have to pluck the condom out of his hand to stop him from putting that on himself too.

“Let me do something here,” you say, teasingly. You tear open the small packet, and any reply that Roger would have given is lost in another groan as you slowly roll the condom down over his cock.

You can’t resist giving Roger a few strokes, relishing the weight and feel of him in your hand. “How do you want me?” you ask him.

He stills your hand with a gentle touch and says, “Lie down on your back. I wanna see your face.”

Your heart is racing in nervous anticipation as you settle back down on the bed. Roger grins reassuringly as he braces himself above you. “Breathe, Y/N,” he says. “I’ve got you.”

And then he’s pushing inside you, slowly and carefully, and breathing is the last thing on your mind because all you can think about is how perfectly Roger fills you up. You cry out and rub your cheek against the pillow beneath you, trying so hard not to come as Roger finally comes to a stop, buried to the hilt inside you. He’s breathing heavily and trembling faintly, and you know that neither of you are going to last long once he starts moving again.

“Ready?” he asks after another minute.

You nod and barely manage to breathe out a needy, “Yes,” before Roger carefully pulls out, and thrusts back in. All you can do is moan and cling to him as he starts fucking you, slowly at first but quickly picking up pace. He’s not rough but there is a desperation to his movements, like he’s barely able to hold himself back this much. He groans and mouths at your neck, and you dig your fingers into his back so tightly that you just know they’re going to bruise, but right now neither of you care about that.

You only let go of Roger to try to touch your clit so you can finally, finally come, but Roger bats your hand away and replaces it with his own.

“This what you wanted?” he asks, panting, as his clever fingers rub over the head of your clit. “You gonna come for me, babydoll?”

“Roger,” you moan. You clench around his hard length and he groans above you, hips stuttering slightly, but he doesn’t stop his thrusting or the motion of his hand on your clit. “I’m gonna- fuck, Rog, I’m-”

You cry out as your orgasm washes over you. You clench down around Roger, setting him off only a few moments later as well. He grinds deep inside you as he comes and he ducks his head to muffle his groan in the crook of your neck. You’re breathing heavily and you shudder as Roger’s every movement sends sparks of overstimulated-pleasure racing down your spine. He finally pulls out when your sporadic clenching becomes too much for him to stand any longer, and once he disposes of the condom he collapses bonelessly next to you on the bed.

There’s a moment of near-panic where you wonder what the fuck you’re supposed to do now. You just slept with you best friend; there’s no coming back from that. Everything is going to change between you and Roger now - the one thing you were always trying to avoid - and there’s a part of you that is terrified about what happens next.

But then Roger laughs breathlessly and rolls over to face you, slinging one hand casually over your waist as he snuggles close to you, like it doesn’t even occur to him to be anything but affectionate with you. You breathe a small sigh of relief, and the smile you give him in return is bright and genuine.

“Would it be forward of me to say that I already want to do that again?” Roger asks. He’s smiling lazily at you, looking like the cat that got the cream, and it makes you want to kiss him breathless all over again.

“I don’t care if it’s forward or not, because I was thinking the same thing,” you say. You just came but with Roger pressed hot and naked against you all you can think about is getting your turn to worship him with your mouth and hands.

You lean up to kiss him and Roger meets you with the same passion and intensity that you’re feeling yourself. He drops his hand to cup your ass and encourages you to grind against him, which you do eagerly.

“Christ, Y/N, you drive me crazy,” Roger murmurs, the words nearly lost against your mouth. “What sort of friends are we, if we can’t keep our hands off each other for five minutes?”

“Oh the worst best friends, for sure,” you say, trying to suppress your giggle. Roger’s answering snort of laughter disrupts your angle and throws you off the rhythm of your grinding. You huff and add, “Of course, you’d be the best boyfriend ever if you moved your leg back to where it was…”

“Boyfriend?” Roger echoes, immediately perking up. He doesn’t move his leg back but before you can complain about that he rolls the two of you over, so you’re on your back and he’s on top of you once again.

“Yeah, boyfriend,” you say. “At least, I thought that’s where things were going.”

“They were,” Roger confirms, grinning down at you widely. “That wasn’t a complaint. I just liked hearing you call me your boyfriend.”

“Well you’re about to become the worst boyfriend again if you don’t do something-”

The rest of your complaint is lost to a moan as Roger moves his hand between your bodies, and starts you off on round two.

#long post //#my fic #roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor fanfiction #roger taylor x reader #text #roger

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shyvioletcat · 2 years ago

Text

~ PART 2 ~ Fragile Hearts Masterlist

A/N: Fixed the flaws and tags added. Thanks so much for reading.

~~~~~

Aelin held her daughter while she cried, desperately trying to keep the tears back herself. The past half hour had been a shock to her system and she was hanging on by a thread. Elsie was the one reason that she hadn’t fallen apart just yet, that would be later tonight when the rest of the house was asleep and she would look at Rowan and he would open his arms and hold her until they worked out what to do next. Right now Aelin had to be strong for her daughter and needed to be a person she could rely on. It all just broke Aelin’s heart, a parent could never bear seeing their child in pain in such a helpless situation like this.

Rowan stepped into the bedroom and the two parents shared a look. His brow was furrowed in concern, highlighting the lines that ageing had given him. Before this was all over Aelin was sure they both would be looking even more careworn.

“What can I do?” Rowan asked, making Aelin's face crack into a smile. The man was always fussing, always wanting to help.

Aelin cleared her throat just to make sure it was as clear of emotion as it could be. “Can you get dinner started? The others will start getting hungry soon.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said and let them be.

For a little while longer Aelin just ran her hands over Elsie’s hair, from the crown of her head and down her back. When Elsie’s breathing calmed down she pulled back and wiped her own tears away. She looked so tired and more than a little devastated. The only thing Aelin could do to stop herself from crying was to reach out and hold her daughter’s hand.

“Elsie, darling,” Aelin said and gave the hand she was holding a squeeze. “Are you ready to talk?”

There was a loud sniffle but Elsie nodded. “It’s my fault.”

Aelin made a face. “Well…”

“No, this is on me. This is my fault,” Elsie said with more conviction. “It was my idea. I wanted to have sex and like… I didn’t want it to be with some random. I wanted it to be with someone that I trusted so I asked Korby and—”

“I do not need details,” Aelin blurted out.

The flush on Elsie's cheeks deepened. “Gods, Mum. No.”

“Just making sure,” Aelin tried to interject some levity to the situation.

“Anyway,” the word strung out longer than it had to be. “It started months ago and now I’m here. Knocked up and alone. He just… he just walked right out on me. He didn’t even look at me when I told him. I know he doesn’t feel the same way I do but he’s my best friend,” Elsie’s voice broke on the words. “He was my best friend and he couldn’t even talk to me about this. Gods, Mum it hurts so much.”

Elsie was nearly in hysterics by the end and Aelin thought he might be able to hear the cracks fracturing her daughter’s heart.

“What he did wasn’t right,” Aelin told her. “Men are dumb, that never changes, but young men are even dumber. He’s probably scared and that’s not an excuse but that’s all we’ve got to work with right now. You’re the one with the baby in there so we’re going to look after you, first okay?”

Elsie put her hand on her stomach. “That’s so weird.”

That made Aelin laugh, things were going to be a hell of a lot weirder as time went on. “Lay down and have a nap, it’ll be good for you.”

“That sounds good,” Elsie said and started to lay down.

“I bet it does.”

Without being asked, Aelin helped tuck Elsie in and resumed running a hand over her hair. It was what had soothed Elsie to sleep since she was a little baby and it did the same thing now. Aelin didn’t leave until she was sure her daughter had fallen asleep before she pushed off the bed and closed the door behind her. She considered a nap herself, she was emotionally exhausted but there was no way she’d be able to stop her thoughts racing. Besides she had too much to do so she ended up downstairs instead.

Aelin let out a heavy sigh as she walked into the kitchen, glad to find that only Rowan was in there. He’d done as she asked and was prepping dinner, his back to her as he fussed over the bench.

“She’s asleep,” she announced.

Rowan threw a quick glance over his shoulder. “That’s good.”

Walking up behind him she wrapped her arms around his middle and pulled in close, burying her face between his shoulder blades. Rowan gave her arms a reassuring pat then went back to chopping vegetables. They didn’t say anything, the rhythmic chop, chop, chop was the only noise. When that stopped Aelin let her husband go so he could slide the tray into the oven.

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Aelin said. “What even just happened.”

Arms crossed and leaning on the counter, Rowan shrugged. “It’s nice to know I want the only one blindsided.”

Aelin let out a sardonic laugh. “How could he do that to her? I just want to…” she mimed ringing a neck.

“Somehow I don’t think that will help Elsie’s cause,” Rowan said, but Aelin knew he had the same sentiments as her.

The boy had fled. Three words and he had legged it out of there, not giving Elsie any time to explain or tell him how she felt, or what she wanted. Honestly, Aelin had expected more from him and that just filled her with so much anger and disappointment. Scared or not, Korbin needed to face up to what he’d done, what they’d done, if any progress was going to be made. And if Aelin had to drag him back here herself, so be it.

“What are you doing?” Rowan asked as she grabbed her keys from the hanging rack on the wall.

“Eamon needs a ride home,” Aelin said casually. “And Korbin left his bag behind. I’ll make sure he gets it.”

Moving through the house Aelin found the bag where Korbin had dropped it by the door as he was prone to do, like he’d done it hundreds of times. Aelin picked it up by the loop at the top and called out up the stairs.

“Eamon, it’s time to go home!”

A minute later Eamon appeared and took the stairs two at a time. “Are you driving me, Aunty Ae?”

“Yeah, grab your stuff,” Aelin said.

Rowan appeared before they could leave and he kissed Aelin’s temple. “Remember murder sends you to jail.”

Aelin snorted. “Noted.”

Not long after that Aelin was in her car, driving Eamon the few blocks to where the Salvaterres lived. He hadn’t said much, just read a book he’d pulled out of his bag, so when he spoke it jarred Aelin out of her racing thoughts.

“Am I in trouble?” He sounded apprehensive.

Aelin glanced at him in the rear view mirror. “No, sweetie.”

“Is Korby in trouble?” Eamon asked.

Aelin stewed over her words for a few moments deciding she didn’t want to lie to Eamon. “That depends.”

They didn’t talk after that and when Aelin pulled into the driveway Eamon unbuckled himself and ran off inside. Aelin was slower, she lent over to the passenger seat and picked up the bag. That anger that she had kept under control was starting to bubble to the surface right now. How dare this boy who had been part of her family since the moment he’d come into the world turn his back on her daughter. The car door slammed, Aelin all but marched through the front door without knocking or ceremony.

“Korbin!” She yelled from the entryway and up the stairs. “Get down here now!”

Lorcan appeared a moment later, looking adequately confused. “Is there a reason you’re yelling at my son like that in my house?”

“Your son,” Aelin threw the bag at Lorcan, “Left this at my house.”

“Okay,” Lorcan had caught the bag. “That still doesn’t explain what I asked.”

Aelin ignored him in favour of yelling up to the upper level of the house again. “Korbin Rowan Salvaterre, get your arse down here.”

“His middle name isn’t Rowan.” Lorcan’s tone was flat, probably due to his confusion.

“With his level of dumbassery, I’m surprised,” Aelin said, not losing her momentum.

Lorcan’s laugh was gruff. “What is going on?”

Aelin ignored the question and angled her head back to the stairs. “If you do not get down here in the next 30 seconds I will come up there and get you myself and it will not be pleasant!”

“You don’t speak to my son like that,” Lorcan said lowly.

Aelin turned, touched by Lorcan’s concern for his son but too angry to let that stop her. “Well, your son got my daughter pregnant and has yet to face up to that, so.”

She watched the shock wash over Lorcan’s face, it went completely slack before he blinked once and a similar kind of fury that Aelin was currently all too familiar with filled his face. Later she would probably regret the way she had told Lorcan he would be a grandfather but the longer Korbin remained holed up in his room the brighter Aelin’s anger burned. And from the look on Lorcan’s face it was apparent she had just acquired an ally.

~~~~~

Lorcan didn't know what to say, he didn’t know what to think. He just wanted his son down here to explain.

“Korbin!” He bellowed this time.

That finally seemed to get things moving and he heard the tell tale creak of Korbin’s door and feet shuffling across the carpet. Still too slowly Korbin appeared at the top of the stairs, his dark hair sticking up at all angles and his face looking haggard as it could for a 17 year old boy.

“What, Dad?” He said, completely ignoring Aelin’s presence.

“Don’t you ‘what, dad’ him, I’m here to speak to you,” Aelin said. “What in the name of every damned god were you thinking when you ran away like that?“

Lorcan looked between the two of them, waiting for the missing pieces to be given to him. Korbin was surely asking for a death wish when he just crossed his arms and shrugged. Indeed, Aelin did start moving up the stairs but Lorcan caught her by the elbow.

“Is it true? Is Elsie pregnant and it’s yours?” What a bizarre thing to say and he hoped his son would deny every word.

“So she says.” Korbin was the embodiment of belligerence.

“So she says? How dare you,” Aelin seethed.

Lorcan could see his son was chewing over what to say next, wondering what boundaries he could push.The fact he was running from this made Lorcan feel ill. He’d raised him better than this, this was a matter of respect and responsibility. Now he was lashing out to protect himself. But if Korbin was going to get mean, he’d find that his father could be twice as bad. Not to mention Aelin who had fully formed into a wild mother bear.

“You’re all acting like this is all on me. This isn’t just my fault. You’ve got like 10 kids between you, you know how babies happen,” Korbin threw out.

Lorcan saw red. “I’m well aware it’s not just your fault, but you share in some of the responsibility. And this is Elsie for Mala’s sake. You owe her something.”

“Stop acting like a child and own up to your part in this.” Aelin looked ready to snap.

“I just did,” Korbin answered.

“Korbin,” Lorcan growled, he would have kept going but Elide walked in with their daughter dressed in her dance class gear. Her clever eyes surveyed the situation and she slowly pulled herself up to stand between Aelin and Korbin.

“What’s going on?” she asked, no doubt reading the tension in the room.

“We’re going, that’s what,” Lorcan announced. “You coming or staying, Elide?”

“Oh, I’m definitely coming,” Elide said, intrigued but Lorcan could also sense some defensiveness.

“I’ll take the little ones so you can talk to your son,” Aelin suggested. Although it was probably closer to a command. “Melanie and Eamon, come on I’ve got lollipops in the car somewhere.”

Melanie didn’t need much more convincing than that and Eamon appeared from where he’s been playing on his iPad in the living room. Aelin led them out, sending a deadly glare back towards Korbin, making Elide’s brows rise in question. When the front door closed Elide’s full attention snapped to Korbin.

“Someone better tell me what is going on immediately,” her tone brooked no argument.

Still at the top of the stairs, Korbin looked like he was ready to barricade himself in his room.

“No you don’t,” Lorcan said. “Get down here, right now.”

He did as was asked and walked down the stairs like the sullen teenager he was, nearly stomping on each step. It reminded Lorcan of just how young his son really was. Determined not to say a word, Korbin just stood there, not making eye contact with either of his parents. If this was the way he wanted to play it, that was fine. Lorcan would be the one to condemn him to his mother.

“Elsie is pregnant, Korbin was the one to do it,” Lorcan explained simply.

Elide choked, her hand landing on Lorcan’s arm. “She’s pregnant? And it’s yours?”

Korbon just shrugged.

“We can continue this in the car.” Lorcan said. “Out.”

Miraculously Korbin complied and walked out the front door, Eldie was a step behind him and it was Lorcan who locked up the house. On his way down the front steps Lorcan saw that Elide was trying to talk to their son but he ignored her and just got in the backseat of the car, shutting the door in her face. That disrespect had Lorcan’s already hot blood boiling. He got into the driver's seat and started the car. It wasn't until they were on the road that the real conversation started.

“Boy, you better start talking,” Lorcan ordered.

“Why?” he asked insolently.

Elide jumped in before Lorcan could snap again. “We just want to understand this from your point of view, Korby.”

“Everyone has already decided, what’s the point?” Korbin added.

“Korbin, just tell us,” Elide urged.

“We wanted to have sex so we thought, might as well,” Korbin said.

“Might as well,” Lorcan ecoed bitterly.

Korbin was still adopting a tone of deference. “We were friends, we trusted each other and we wanted to have fun, there was nothing wrong with that.”

Lorcan made a sound that conveyed that he disagreed. “This is the consequence of your having fun. And what? You can’t bring yourself to own up to it?”

“Lorcan,” Elide said softly.

“What? I’m just calling it how I see it,” Lorcan said, a few more turns and they would be at their destination. “I'm just trying to get to the root of this before we get there. Why did you run, Korbin?” Lorcan asked, glaring in the rear view mirror. “Why has it got to this point?”

Korbin didn’t answer and didn’t look likely to, as crossed his arms and stared out the window. Lorcan returned his full focus to driving and within a few minutes he was stopping the car on the street. Lorcan was the first one out, then Elide, and then he was halfway to the door when he realised Korbin wasn’t following. He turned and spotted his son in the car, looking up at the house like it might eat him. Whatever patience Lorcan had been holding onto withered away, and he had enough, it was time to face the music. Lorcan stormed back to the car and wrenched the door open.

“Out.”

This time Korbin complied. Lorcan took a moment to himself, trying to get his anger under control. He put the loss of control down to the shock. It had always been hard watching the kids grow and change, but it had been something wonderful too. Korbin had been his pride and joy, holding that special place in his heart from being the firstborn—the first one to open his heart like that. Korbin had grown and was his own man, but it was hard for Lorcan to reconcile who this person was in front of him right now. There was some part here that he was missing.

Lorcan blew out a breath in a stuttering rhythm and started his own trek to the front door. The house was fairly quiet when he walked in, he could hear a TV playing upstairs, probably to entertain the younger kids and keep them out of the way. Rowan, Aelin and Elsie sat on the long couch, Elide and Korbin on the two seater. Lorcan stood even though the armchair was free, he was far too restless. The room was tense, the teenagers couldn’t look at each other, but Rowan was glaring at Korbin. If looks could kill…

Elsie looked worn thin. Her eyes were red rimmed, starkly brought out by the paleness of her face. She looked terrified.

“Alright,” Elide said, ever the presence of measured reason. “There are things we need to talk about. I think Elsie should go first.”

The girl took in a deep breath. “I’m pregnant. I took a bunch of tests everyday for a week. I didn’t want to believe it but I couldn’t ignore it anymore.” Elsie glanced up at Korbin, but quickly looked away when he kept staring at nothing and her cheeks burned red. “I’m keeping it, Korbin. I want to keep it. It’s what I want to do.”

Lorcan’s head snapped to watch for Korbin’s reaction. He nearly went as pale as Elsie had been. He was staring at imminent fatherhood right in the face.

“What about what I want?” Korbin’s voice was so quiet that nearly everyone in the room missed it. Elsie hadn’t, her eyes were wide and worried. “Why is no one asking what I want? Why are you all planning my life for me? I had plans.”

“What is it that you want then?” Aelin asked, still holding onto some of that earlier anger. “Because the way I see it you should have thought about that before you made stupid decisions.”

“This isn’t even my fault,” Korbin became more animated, sitting up straighter and shuffling forward on his seat.

“You were the one with the loaded gun,” Elsie said and for the first time the two of them really looked at each other. Everyone in the room just waited on baited breath. “The way I remember it we both decided to take the risk.”

“Your stakes were higher,” Korbin shot back.

“The no protection was a decision we both decided on,” Elsie added.

These details were things Lorcan rather not be hearing about, contraception or—lack of it—was their own business. But when two idiotic teenagers got themselves into this kind of trouble, awkward information was bound to come out. Right now Lorcan’s main concern was the line of argument his son had chosen. He was walking into the lion's den without weapons or armour. And Lorcan wouldn’t deny that he was a lion himself.

“I’m the one on road to a scholarship if I can keep up this year and next. And what? Now I'm supposed to drop everything and stick around for something I don’t ask for?” Korbin argued.

It was a race to see who spoke first. Lorcan won. “You were careless, she’s supposed to be your friend. This isn’t some random girl we’re talking about, this is Elsie. You know the one who’s been by your side your entire life? And now you’re just not going to take any responsibility for your part in it? You have no care for her feelings at all? Gods son, you can barely even look at her. I raised you better than this.”

Any lingering bravado fell away at the words and Korbin withered, his voice was small when he spoke the next words. “I don’t want this.”

A ripple of shock went through the room, and it was Elsie’s quiet sob that broke the rest of Lorcan’s resolve. He loved Elsie, almost like she was one of his own. What Korbin had said and done was so wrong that Lorcan was failing to see reason. “Then I won’t have you in my home.”

“Lorcan, no,” Elide hissed.

All eyes once again shot to Korbin as he let out a humourless laugh. “I’ve always known Elsie was the favourite child. She doesn’t need me when she has all of you.”

Korbin stood after that, didn’t give anyone in the room a second look before he was fleeing the scene and out of the front door.

“What the hell just happened?” Aelin whispered, but the room was quiet enough that it was heard loud and clear.

A moment later footsteps were thundering down the stairs and Finnian shot past the living room to the front door. He must have been listening on the stairs and if he’d heard everything the chances are he would be filled with that fiery Galathynius anger. That was proven by the yelling that came from the front lawn a moment later.

“Shit.” Rowan muttered as he pushed himself off the chair.

Lorcan was right behind him and when they stepped out onto the front porch it was clear the two boys were squaring up. Finnian was 14 but he was still willing to fight on behalf of his sister. He was getting himself off his knees where Korbin had evidently pushed him down.

“How am I supposed to take care of a kid? I’m a kid myself?” Korbin said, readying himself for Finnian to recover and throw the next attack. With a few years' age difference, Korbin had size on his side but he had the sense to only defend himself. He wouldn’t be go after the boy in an unfair fight.

Shame cut through the disappointment and anger Lorcan was feeling. He was seeing it clearer now, Korbin was just a kid unprepared and scared out of his mind. As a father Lorcan had been too hard on him, had gone too far by kicking his own son out of his home. His anger was his folly and he’d pay for it. He still didn’t think Korbin was right in his actions, but he sure as hell had let his anger get the better of him.

Korbin’s head was down and he was shaking his head. “I didn’t ask for this.”

Finnian was on his feet again. “Neither did she.”

Whatever brotherly bravado he was running on was stopped by Rowan stepping in between the two boys and grabbing Finnian around the shoulders as he took off running.

“Inside, now,” Rowan said lowly.

Finnian shot Korbin a hateful glare, not quite ready to give up the fight. “You think she should have to do this alone? Elsie will have all of us, she doesn’t need you. So stay away from her.”

Finnian went to say something else but his father was not having it. “I said now.”

The silver-haired boy looked like an angry puppy as he pushed his father off and sulked his way inside. Rowan shot Lorcan a brief look and nod before he went back into the house as well. That left the Salvaterre to themselves.

“Your father is not kicking you out,” Elide said to Korbin, sounding furious but they all knew it wasn’t directed at their son. “Do not listen to him.”

“Korbin, I’m sorry,” Lorcan said, trying to bridge the divide he’s taken.

“Whatever, Dad,” Korbin said bitterly. “We all know that you speak your truest when you’re mad.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t regret it and that I was wrong,” Lorcan told him.

“Doesn’t malter.” Korbin sounded dejected.

“Korby,” Elide said, taking a few steps forward. “We still don’t understand why you’re acting like this. We want to understand.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Korbin repeated.

Lorcan was going to push the matter, he was ready to keep at it until Korbin cracked and whatever it was that he was holding onto came out. But then yet another car pulled up to the curb and parked outside the busy house.

To Lorcan’s surprise it was Fenrys that got out of the car, “what’s cracking?”

“Finally,” Korbin muttered and started walking toward the car.

Elide followed him, jogging a little to catch up. “Korbin, wait.”

Lorcan knew he’d done too much damage already so he left it to Elide to try and fix this. All Lorcan did was sigh and ran his hands through his hair. Today was hellish and he was ready for it to be over.

“Why’d your son call me asking to stay at my house?” Fenrys asked.

Lorcan turned, not showing his surprise at the newcomer being so close. “None of your godsdamned business.”

There was a moment of tense silence then Fenrys asked, “Okay, what is happening?”

“If Korbin wants to tell you he can,” was the only answer Lorcan was willing to give.

Fenrys looked up at the house like he was contemplating going in for better answers, but then thought better of it. “I’ll look after him, you won’t have to worry.”

“Thank you,” Lorcan said and Fenrys gave his shoulder a squeeze.

He watched from a distance as Fenrys drove away with Korbin in the car. Elide had talked to him as long as she could, even giving the window a knock at the last second to say one last thing. Then she stood there on the footpath, fingers on her lips as she watched the pickup truck disappear from sight. When it was gone she turned back to Lorcan, her face clouded and raging like a storm.

“He told me ‘you obviously don’t want me here so I’ll go somewhere else,’” Elide said when she reached him. “You did so badly today Lorcan. That is our son, our son and he no longer feels welcome in our home. You better fix this Lorcan Salvaterre, or I swear Hellas himself won’t be able to save you.”

With those final, damning words Elide left him to go back inside—no doubt to help with more damage control. Lorcan stayed outside, needing a moment to himself to figure out what he needed to do. Elide was right, he hadn’t done right by his son today and considering that maybe some time apart would be good. Everyone would have time to cool off and to think about things more rationally. Lorcan had a sneaking suspicion as to why Korbin was lashing out so violently. And that was something his son would need to discover on his own.

~~~~

I know it looks bad... BUT

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#throne of glass fanfiction #i really need to develop some restraint for this fic but on all accounts its not looking promising

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