#naval accidents

[deadpresidents]

A Deadly "Peacemaker" and Unlikely Matchmaker: The Worst First Date Ever.

On February 28, 1844, Dolley Madison was far removed from her time as First Lady of the United States, but still held on to her spot as Washington's Greatest Hostess. She was the widow of a bona fide Founding Father, James Madison -- the 4th President of the United States and principal author of the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights -- but he had left the White House almost 27 years earlier and died in 1836. However, Dolley -- now 75 years old -- remained a darling of the Washington social scene. Though she often struggled financially, Dolley Madison continued entertaining guests in the nation's capital and helped organize social gatherings around the city, acting as a sort of guest hostess wherever she visited and whenever she was invited -- and she was invited everywhere. Now, as the first auguries of spring began their awakening in-and-around Washington, D.C., Dolley helped plan a cruise down the Potomac River on the newly-built USS Princeton -- a showcase vessel for the United States Navy which happened to be one of the most advanced warships of its time. Nearly 70 years after the Declaration of Independence, Dolley Madison was still the life of the party and an ideal person to help plan a celebration aboard the USS Princeton, just as she'd been doing throughout the entire life of the young American nation.

[Dolley Madison, daguerreotype by Mathew Brady in 1848, four years after the Princeton explosion.]

Launched just six months earlier, the Princeton was the U.S. Navy's first propeller-driven warship and its Captain, Robert Field Stockton, was proud of his charge. A cruise to demonstrate the ship's speed, capabilities, and weaponry to the Washington elite would be advantageous to the Navy's growth and to Captain Stockton's ambition. Besides Dolley Madison and the Princeton's crew of 178 sailors, the ship welcomed over 350 guests, including dignitaries such as Secretary of State Abel Upshur, Secretary of the Navy Thomas W. Gilmer, Secretary of War William Wilkins, Postmaster General Charles A. Wickliffe, Senator Thomas Hart Benton, and other diplomats and members of Congress. The most celebrated guest on the Princeton that day, however, was President John Tyler, who had also invited a young woman he had been romantically interested in, Julia Gardiner, and her father, David Gardiner, an influential New York lawyer and former State Senator.

Everyone on board the Princeton had underlying reasons for taking the cruise down the Potomac. For some, it was to see the Princeton for themselves. For others, it was because it was the place to be for politicians and diplomats on that February day. Some took the cruise for the opportunity to observe others, and some took the cruise in order to be noticed. The big draw, however, was a chance to see the Princeton's two large guns -- weapons so big and powerful that they were given their own names: the "Oregon" and the "Peacemaker" -- being fired. Both of the guns were impressive, but the "Peacemaker" was an amazing spectacle. At the time, it was the largest naval gun in the world. The ship was so new and the "Peacemaker" was so potentially devastating that, as of the day of the Princeton's cruise down the Potomac, the weapon had been fired no more than five times, according to Captain Stockton.

In February 1844, John Tyler was entering the final year of a contentious, controversial, and accidental Presidency. Elected as Vice President alongside William Henry Harrison in 1840, Tyler spent only a month in the Vice Presidency before President Harrison died in office. On April 4, 1841, Tyler became the 10th President of the United States, but his succession was not a smooth one. Harrison had been the first President to die in office and the Constitution was not specifically clear about Presidential succession. To many, including everyone in President Harrison's Cabinet, Tyler was still the Vice President and only assumed the duties of the Presidency, not the title or the privileges (such as living in the White House). At his first meeting with the men Harrison had appointed to the Cabinet, the Cabinet all but insisted that they would rule by committee and that Tyler had no more power or influence than, say the Postmaster General (which was a Cabinet-level position until 1971). Many Americans felt that Tyler was merely "Acting President," and that he was to defer to the will of the Cabinet on all issues.

Tyler vehemently disagreed and the manner in which he assumed office set a precedent that was followed by all future Vice Presidents and was eventually cemented into the Constitution. Tyler declared that he was not the Vice President or the "Acting President," but that Harrison's death had propelled him directly into the office of President of the United States to serve out the remainder of Harrison's elected term with the same powers and duties and privileges that come with the office. Tyler moved into the White House and, when his Cabinet balked at his assumption of power, he accepted the resignation of everyone but his Secretary of State, Daniel Webster (Webster eventually resigned in 1843).

President Tyler's troubles did not disappear once Harrison's hand-picked Cabinet departed or after Tyler settled into the Executive Mansion. The slavery question was tearing the nation further and further apart by the day. When Tyler won election in 1840 as Harrison's Vice President, he did so as a member of the Whig Party, but when it came down to Tyler's personal political ideology he was all over the political spectrum. As a younger man, he supported Thomas Jefferson and the Democratic-Republicans and he supported Andrew Jackson during Jackson's first term before Tyler became a Whig. Upon his Vice Presidential nomination, there were questions about Tyler's Whig credentials, but the Whigs needed a strong Southern balance on the ticket and accepted Tyler. But now that General Harrison was dead, President Tyler's independence frustrated his party, which felt that he was not sufficiently Whiggish. With former President Andrew Jackson out of the picture and retired in Nashville, and with Whigs in control of Congress and the White House, the party attempted to establish another Bank of the United States. The Whig Congress pushed through a bill creating a new Bank of the United States, but President Tyler definitively broke ranks with the party that had nominated him for national office and vetoed the bill. Twice. So, just months after assuming the Presidency, Tyler was expelled from the Whig Party and remained a President without a party until he left the White House in 1845.

Now, on a warm day at the end of February 1844, Tyler was thinking about whether or not he would support the annexation of Texas. The President also thought of romance. In September 1842, Tyler's wife, Letitia, died in the White House after suffering a stroke. Tyler was still grieving when he began courting Julia Gardiner in January 1843. Tyler had met Julia while his wife was still alive, but he didn't become smitten with her until after his wife's death. Tyler and Julia kept their relationship guarded from the public and the President was even secretive about it to his (very large) family. Part of the reason for his reluctance to be open about his feelings was because Letitia had only been dead for a few months when he started dating Julia. However, a bigger reason was Julia's age. When they began dating, Julia Gardiner was just 22 years old. The 52-year-old President was wary about how his children (he and Letitia had seven children who lived to maturity) would feel about him dating a woman who was five years younger than his oldest daughter.

The age difference also worried Julia's family. Julia Gardiner was the daughter of David Gardiner, a wealthy New York lawyer and former New York State Senator. She was born in 1820 on an island in the Long Island Sound named after her family, and had everything that she wanted or needed while growing up on Gardiner's Island. Julia was beautiful and much in demand by the eligible bachelors of the East Coast. After meeting President Tyler, Julia first tried to reject his advances, but she was certainly intrigued by the powerful and charming Virginian. For his part, Tyler was madly in love with Julia and he first proposed to her in late-1843. Julia's mother did not approve of her daughter marrying a man 30 years older than Julia, so Tyler didn't get an answer. By inviting Julia and her father to accompany him on the USS Princeton, John Tyler hoped to show David Gardiner that he could impress the wealthy New Yorker and demonstrate that he could be a wonderful husband to Julia.

[Julia Gardiner Tyler, around the time of the Princeton explosion and her marriage to President Tyler, c. 1844]

••• Guests gathered at the Washington Navy Yard as ferries transported them across the Potomac River to Alexandria, Virginia, where the USS Princeton was anchored and ready for the afternoon cruise down the Potomac. As dignitaries boarded Captain Stockton's ship, they marveled at the size of the two guns on deck and examined every inch of the 164-foot warship. Music was provided by the United States Marine Band -- "The President's Own" -- and food was served below deck as the Princeton began its leisurely cruise down the Potomac. As guests explored the Princeton and watched the historic sites on both shores of the Potomac pass by, the massive "Peacemaker" gun was fired to the delight of everyone on the ship. The rounds fired by the powerful "Peacemaker" were capable of traveling up to three miles. As the warship cruised down the river the rounds that were fired were aimed at ice floes in the distance which were breaking apart as the afternoon sun warmed the Potomac. The cruise continued, with men mostly on the deck and pretty much all women below deck where food and drinks flowed freely, conversation was genial, and some of the guests were gleefully singing and clearly enjoying themselves.

When the Princeton reached Mount Vernon and George Washington's sprawling estate came into view, the ship fired another round from the "Peacemaker" in tribute the first President and then turned around for the return trip to Washington, D.C. The Princeton's passengers had gathered below deck for celebratory toasts and to listen to the impromptu singing concert taking place in the salon. At around 4:00 PM, some of the men requested a chance to witness the "Peacemaker" being fired again, but Captain Stockton demurred, telling the men, "No more guns tonight." However, one of the men who wished to see the "Peacemaker" fired once again was Thomas W. Gilmer, the man who had become Secretary of the Navy just 10 days earlier -- a man who just happened to be Captain Stockton's superior. Gilmer's wish was something akin to an order to Captain Stockton, so Stockton headed to the deck and had the gun prepared to be fired once more.

Many of the men began heading upstairs to witness the firing of the "Peacemaker" while the women mostly remained below deck and continued with their songs and conversations. President Tyler was heading up the gangway plank towards the deck when he was told that his son-in-law, William Waller, the husband of his daughter Elizabeth, was about to sing one of Tyler's favorite songs. Instead of heading to the deck, the President headed back into the salon and was handed a drink. Upstairs, men crowded around the giant "Peacemaker" for one last demonstration of its firing power.

On the deck, Secretary of War William Wilkins jokingly told the spectators, "Though I am Secretary of War, I do not like this firing, and believe I shall run!" before moving to the far side of the Princeton. The remainder of the guests were close to the "Peacemaker" and the big gun was ready to be fired. The Princeton was about 15 miles downriver from Washington, D.C. and two sailors took the final steps for firing the weapon.

Suddenly, at 4:06 PM, a massive explosion rocked the Princeton and the deck was obscured by white smoke and an eerie silence. President Tyler rushed up to the deck to investigate what had happened, but what he found was a horrific scene. The "Peacemaker" -- the largest naval gun in the world -- had exploded at the breech. The powerful explosion tore part of the ship's deck and the "Peacemaker" broke into red-hot pieces of iron that flew into the crowd of spectators. Nobody downstairs was injured, but the deck of the Princeton was a place of horror. Eight people had been killed and 17 were seriously injured, including Captain Stockton and Senator Thomas Hart Benton. As President Tyler reached the deck, the silence turned to anguished screams and confusion.

The President fought through the smoke and found that the toll was high. Secretary of State Abel Upshur was dead -- literally disemboweled by the blast. Navy Secretary Gilmer was dead. The Princeton's Commander Beverly Kennon and two Princeton sailors were dead. American diplomat Virgil Maxcy was dead. President Tyler's slave, Armistead, who had requested and been granted permission from Tyler to view the gun as it was being fired was dead. And, finally, David Gardiner -- the father of the woman that the President hoped to marry -- was also killed by the blast, his arms and legs severed from his body by the force of the explosion. A tearful President was devastated by the loss of two of his senior Cabinet members, and he headed back down below deck to notify the women about what had happened. With dozens of victims and witnesses screaming, crying, and/or in shock throughout the ship, there was an attempt to keep most of the passengers below so that they didn't see the gruesome scene on the deck.

[Secretary of State Abel Upshur and Secretary of the Navy Thomas W. Gilmer, who were both killed by the explosion on Feb. 28, 1844.]

The smoke-filled deck of the Princeton was covered with blood, dismembered limbs, dead bodies, and stunned survivors, many of whom had been wounded by pieces of red-hot, iron shrapnel from the gun or pieces of human beings torn apart by the explosion. Throughout the ship, ears were ringing and people were rendered temporarily deaf by the sound of the blast. Below decks, the women who had accompanied the Princeton awaited more news from above, which quickly trickled downstairs. Someone yelled, "The Secretary of State is dead!" and the news did not improve. When Julia Gardiner found out that her father was among those who had been killed in the blast, she fainted -- directly into the arms of President Tyler. Dolley Madison, who had seen much in her 75 years -- during the War of 1812, she barely escaped the White House shortly before British forces captured Washington and burned the Capitol and the Presidential Mansion -- was certainly stunned by the tragedy aboard the ship, but she quickly did her best to comfort the Princeton's passengers who were shaken and distressed.

As the USS Princeton limped back to Washington, D.C., John Tyler comforted Julia Gardiner as best as he could. For the President, his pleasure cruise with the woman he hoped to marry and her wealthy father could not have gone worse. Now, David Gardiner was literally laying in pieces on the deck of the Princeton as Tyler -- who was also returning to Washington without a Secretary of State or Secretary of the Navy -- tried to console Gardiner's young daughter, but she remained unconscious until the ship arrived back in Alexandria, Virginia.

When the Princeton arrived at Alexandria, President Tyler physically carried Julia Gardiner from the wounded warship. On the gangplank, Julia finally awakened in the President's arms, and as she later said, "I struggled so that I almost knocked both of us off the gangplank. I did not know at the time, but I learned later it was the President whose life I almost consigned to the water." President Tyler had Julia taken directly to the White House where she spent the next few days recuperating under the watchful eyes of the President and his large family.

The bodies of Julia's father, the two dead Cabinet members (Secretaries Upshur and Gilmer), the Princeton's Commander Kennon, and the diplomat Maxcy remained on board the Princeton on the night of February 28th. The injured went to hospitals and homes around the capital city. The next day, Washington was in official mourning as the word of the tragedy spread and the signs of mourning -- black crepe hanging on the White House and other public buildings --were displayed. As Washington mourned, the bodies of Gardiner, Upshur, Gilmer, Kennon, and Maxcy were transported to the White House, where their flag-draped caskets rested in honor in the East Room. (It's safe to assume that President Tyler's slave wasn't awarded the same honors -- when the bodies were removed from the Princeton, they were all placed in magnificent mahogany caskets, except for Armistead, who was placed in one made from cherry. The President did reportedly give Armistead's mother $200.)

After two days of lying in state in the East Room of the White House, Gardiner, Upshur, Gilmer, and Kennon were transferred to St. John's Episcopal Church, where all of official Washington showed up to pay their respects at their joint funeral (Maxcy's family took his remains for a private funeral and burial shortly after his body arrived at the Executive Mansion). It was a solemn occasion -- one of the biggest tragedies to strike the United States up to that point, and a significant loss to President Tyler, both professionally and personally. Tyler was mourning two important members of his Cabinet, and the woman he hoped to marry was burying her father after he had been killed in the most gruesome manner imaginable on a cruise that Tyler had invited him to take.

The funeral started with an ominous and unfortunate signal: the firing of loud artillery across from the Executive Mansion could not have been a pleasant reminder to those who had survived the tragedy on board the Princeton a few days earlier. The bodies of Upshur, Gilmer, Kennon, and Gardiner were taken to Congressional Cemetery following the funeral and buried there, although Gardiner was later exhumed and reburied on Gardiner's Island in New York. After narrowly escaping death or serious injury on the Princeton a few days earlier, President Tyler found himself in danger once again as he left the funeral. Traveling through the busy streets of Washington in his horse-drawn carriage, the President's horses were startled by the crowds and bolted -- leaving Tyler helpless in a runaway carriage until a man bravely rushed out from a hotel entrance and helped stop the carriage.

••• Being comforted by President Tyler and his immediate family in the aftermath of her father's death changed Julia Gardiner's mind about marrying the much older President. Tyler had done everything possible to console her and make her feel safe in the days after the Princeton explosion. Later, Julia would write that, "After I lost my father, I felt differently towards the President. He seemed to fill the place and to be more agreeable in every way than any younger man was or could be." While the loss of her father was certainly tragic, John Tyler happened to be in the right place at the right time, and, in a strange way, David Gardiner's death may have helped spark the romance between the President and Gardiner's daughter. Several weeks after the Princeton tragedy, Tyler asked Julia's mother (who herself was nearly a decade younger than the President!) for her blessing to marry Julia and Mrs. Gardiner approved of the union.

Still, the marriage was not without controversy. The wedding took place on June 26, 1844, just a few months after the Princeton explosion. Julia and her family were still in mourning for Mr. Gardiner, so the wedding was solemn and low-key. Plus, the President's family -- particularly his daughters from his first marriage -- were reluctant to accept his new bride. After all, Tyler's first wife had died less than two years earlier, and Julia Gardiner was about the same age as Tyler's daughters; in fact, she was five years younger than Tyler's oldest daughter. One more unique aspect of the wedding was that this was the first time an incumbent President of the United States had ever gotten married while in office. Normally, it would be blockbuster social news, but the President's wedding was kept strictly private.

Accompanied only by his son, John Tyler III, the President and Julia Gardiner were married at the Church of the Ascension in Manhattan (which is still standing today, at Fifth Avenue and Tenth Street in Greenwich Village) on June 26, 1844. Very few people even knew that the President was in town until after the wedding when they heard the salute from the guns of warships in New York Harbor as he and his new First Lady departed the city (again, maybe firing the guns wasn't the greatest idea for this particular couple at that particular time?). According to one of the only eyewitness accounts of the wedding, published in The New York Morning Express the day after the nuptials, the bride was given away by her brother and and "robed simply in white, with a gauze veil depending from a circlet of white flowers wreathed in her hair." After the ceremony, the wedding party held a dinner at Lafayette Place before the President and Mrs. Tyler departed the city by steamer, staying the night in Philadelphia, before proceeding back to Washington on a special train the next day.

[The Church of the Ascension in Manhattan where President Tyler and Julia Gardiner were married on June 26, 1844.]

When President Tyler left office in 1845, he and his wife retired to Tyler's plantation in Virginia, Sherwood Forest. They had seven children (in addition to the seven surviving children from Tyler's first marriage) and remained happily married, despite the 30-year age difference between the husband and wife. In January 1862, the Tylers headed to Richmond for Tyler's inauguration as a member of the Confederate House of Representatives. Tyler was the only former President who did not remain loyal to the Union during the Civil War. On January 18th, the 71-year-old Tyler died in Richmond's Exchange Hotel, likely due to complications from a stroke and was buried in Richmond's Hollywood Cemetery with Confederate honors. Widely considered a traitor in the North, official notice of Tyler's death wasn't given until 1915 when Congress finally erected a monument near his grave.

Julia Gardiner Tyler lived until 1889, but remarkably, as of 2024, one of President and Mrs. Tyler's grandsons is still living. With seven children (the last of which died in 1947 -- 157 years after John Tyler's birth!), the Tylers were blessed with a wealth of grandchildren and Harrison Ruffin Tyler (born in 1928) is still alive today (his brother, Lyon Gardiner Tyler Jr., died in 2020). In the 1970s, Harrison Tyler purchased and restored his grandfather's beloved Virginia plantation, Sherwood Forest, and often spoke about his family's unique place in history until his health started to fail in recent years.

••• As for the USS Princeton, well, it never truly recovered from the "Peacemaker" explosion. Captain Robert Field Stockton was absolved of blame for the tragedy and went on to fame in California during the Mexican-American War (he has a city named after him near Sacramento), and later was elected a United States Senator from New Jersey. The Princeton participated in engagements in the Gulf of Mexico during the Mexican-American War, but its hull was found to be rotting after the war ended. It was broken up for scrap in Boston and the "Peacemaker's" twin gun -- the "Oregon" -- can be seen today on the grounds of the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.

[The "Oregon" gun from the USS Princeton, now on display at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.]

During World War II, a new USS Princeton was commissioned. A 622-foot-long aircraft carrier, the new Princeton engaged in action in the Pacific Ocean. On October 20, 1944 -- 100 years after the explosion of the "Peacemaker" during President Tyler's Potomac River cruise -- the modern Princeton was attacked by a Japanese dive bomber in the Leyte Gulf and 108 sailors were killed. Even the Princeton's descendants seem to be cursed.

[scotianostra]

On January 31st 1918 the ‘Battle of the Isle of May’ happened.

I dislike the titlw"Battle" in this piece of war time history, to me it belittles the fact that it was one big fuck up, and the fact it cost the lives of 105 servicemen also makes me feel uncomfortable as it was by no stretch of the imagination a battle.

During a war that was not short of calamities this one ranks up there with the worst, it was one calamity after another, at 18:30 a secret navy exercise known as EC1 involving the 13th Submarine Division (known a K-boats) and a number of Destroyers, Battleships and Light Cruisers had sailed from Rosyth.

The boats and submarines had sailed with only dim stern lights and in radio silence due to the sighting of a German submarine in the Forth earlier that day. They were not helped by misty conditions whilst travelling under the cover of darkness. An unlucky mishap with the helm of submarine K-14 had resulted in a collision with K-22. However worse was to follow…

The huge battlecruiser HMS Australia narrowly missed the stricken K-boats and disaster had been averted. But not for long. Communication eventually reached the lead Light Cruiser HMS Ithuriel about the original collision and the captain of the ship decided to turn around and head back to the two K-boats which had struck each other. Alongside the Light cruiser, the other K-boats also followed her back but communication was poor and unfortunately the boats and submarines further back, lead by HMS Fearless were unaware of the accident ahead and ran straight into their sister flotilla.

Over the following minutes, disaster struck again as HMS Fearless rammed K-17, and the submarine sank with the loss of all life in a matter of minutes. Submarines K-6 hit K-4, and nearly cut her in half, K-7 fast approaching spotting K-6, she just managed to avoid her, but was totally unaware of K-4 lying across her path, and a further collision ensued. The second hit proved fatal for K-4, and she sank. Only nine men were pulled from the water, and one of these died before he could receive medical treatment.

Total deaths were 105, 2 subs were sunk 4 more damaged and the Scout cruiser HMS Fearless damaged.

Despite it being remembered (black humour) as the ‘Battle of the Isle of May’, there were actually no enemy warships involved and only a combination of bad luck and human error resulted in such a great loss of life. The terrible events of that night took place just 1.5 miles off the north end of the Isle of May.

Of course the accident was kept secret during the war, and a memorial cairn was finally erected 84 years later, on 31st January 2002 at Anstruther harbour opposite the Isle of May.

[ltwilliammowett]

The “Eastern Monarch” ablaze in Spithead, 3rd June 1859, by Arthur Wellington Fowles (1815-1883)

Built at Dundee in 1856, the full-rigged “Eastern Monarch”, 1,844 tons, was owned by Somes Brothers of London and traded regularly between Dundee and India. Early in 1859, as she was loading cargo at Karachi, she was chartered by the Indian government to bring home a large contingent of sick and wounded troops in the aftermath of the Indian Mutiny, some of whom were accompanied by their wives and children. After a cramped but otherwise uneventful voyage, “Eastern Monarch” arrived at Spithead in the early hours of 3rd June [1859] with almost 500 people aboard including 352 invalid soldiers, 30 women and 53 children. At 2.30am., about an hour after the vessel had dropped anchor, a loud explosion was heard closely followed by billowing smoke and flame. With the ship’s ports all open for ventilation, the initial fire spread rapidly; despite the valiant efforts of the officers and crew however, the blaze could not be brought under control and the ship was soon ablaze from stem to stern.

Thanks to perfect discipline amongst the troops, there was no panic and those aboard were ferried ashore by two sailing barges, “Providence “ and “Petrel”, which came alongside, as did boats from H.M. ships “Falcon” and “Flying Fish”, both anchored nearby. The prompt actions of the rescue craft saved all but eight persons but the ship herself was totally destroyed, it was believed, by the spontaneous combustion of a quantity of saltpetre amongst her cargo.

[pasparal]

Japanese bulk carrier MV Wakashio that ran aground off Mauritius on July 25, 2020. Taken on August 21, 2020

[aiolegalservices]

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[eyesxxyou]

You think the slits where Logan's claws come out are a sensitive spot for him? When you glide your fingers over them, he shivers with an uncontrollable delight. When you press your fingers into them and feel the tips of the sharp blades that make his claws, he can't help but let out something of a strangled moan.

Maybe you found out while playing with his fingers, long and thick and freshly wet from being inside you—still slick with your scent. His knuckles are hairy, just like the rest of him, hiding the thin slits from which his claws extend from.

You did it by accident. Your fingertips finding the openings and pressing. Logan tossed his head back against the headboard and let out a deep, guttural moan that seemed to surprise even himself.

You were delighted by your discovery. Logan was not. “Don’t do that again, bub.” But you were too excited, too enthralled by the idea that maybe you could make him cum by just using the three little holes between his knuckles.

You were quick to climb on top of him, straddling his hips between your knees as your sat yourself on his meaty thighs. He did little to stop you though his strength far outweighed your own. He could have you across the room in a second if he wanted to, but of course he didn't.

He did struggle however, as he watched you take his fingers into your warm, pretty mouth. “I could hurt you.” You never heed his warnings. The pads of his fingers slid against the wet flat of your tongue as you took the digits further and further. They were long and thick and with two of them, it felt much like taking a cock down your throat. You gagged and swallowed him down until he was knuckles deep in your mouth, drool dripping from your lips and down your chin.

Your tongue parted his fingers just enough for it to slip through and prod carefully at the slit between his fingers. Watching his lips part and his body shudder beneath your touch was almost orgasmic. You licked at the slit in tentative touches and felt him grow harder between your thighs.

“S-stop."

But you couldn't. How could you when you had him quivering? You could see Logan’s hair-covered abs tightening as he bucked his hips beneath you, his cock nice and hard against his naval. You dipped your tongue into the slit like licking pussy and watched him, red in the face and in the cock, nearly explode.

And when he does cum—which he does—quick and plentiful. He groans louder than he’s ever before, back nearly arching as he twitches. Logan cums so hard that some managed to get tangled in the hairs on his chest. You’re highly satisfied with your work and decide that maybe just one more time wouldn't hurt.

[sunnysidevans]

Jake Seresin & Friends Masterlist.

Blog is 18+ , please proceed with caution and read ALL warnings.

JAKE "HANGMAN" SERESIN

See you Soon

Synopsis: Four Years ago you said goodbye to one of the most important people in your life. Being called back to Top Gun, you are met with that person again. you never thought your goodbye would turn into a see you soon.

Winner, Winner

Synopsis: a bet between coyote and Hangman on between the women in the squad they could get to sleep with them, brings the feelings the two of you have been trying to hide to a head. 

If You Only Knew

Synopsis: Everyone has their highschool sweetheart, Jake Seresin had his Top Gun sweetheart. The woman he was going to marry. A night of anger pushes the two of you apart. If you only knew Jake just wanted love, a family and you.

Nothing Else Matters 

Synopsis: Together since Top Gun, you and Jake are called back to California and thrown head first into the past, its put into perspective for the two of you that nothing else mattered but the family the two of you built together. 

Part of Me

Synopsis: Continuing to build your family after the Uranium mission, jake continues to realize the best part of him was your family, through everything. (part II to “nothing else matters”)

Middle of A Memory

Synopsis: Jake Seresin was an asshole, everyone knew it. He flew with confidence and had a cocky smirk. Behind every cocky smirk and snark remark was you, built into his memories, memories he lived in daily.

Red Carnations

Synopsis: A Red Carnation Signafies you ache for that person ; Jake left red carnations at your headstone every year until he wasn’t and you were staring back at him, alive. - (Part II to “Middle Of A Memory" - best read together) **

One Summer In San Diego

Synopsis: After being left at the altar by who you thought was the love of your life, your father talks you into coming back home with him to San Diego. All it takes is one summer to change the face of your future.

Heart Of Texas 

Synopsis: While in Texas for your best friends bachelorette trip, the last thing you expect to find is the green eyed cowboy in the bar. Or to find him again months later.

Someone Like you

synopsis: Being best friends with a naval aviator was hard, being best friends and in love with the Jake “Hangman” Seresin was even harder.

hopelessly devoted to you

synopsis: After an accident that has you toying on the edge of life and death, you find yourself agreeing to save your beloved. You are then face to face with who you truly are and where you truly are supposed to be.

Somewhere Between California and Texas

synopsis: When your best friend and her fiance have co-bachelor parties and you thought you were going to be the only single one but one green eyed aviator saves the day - his specialty.

TYLER OWENS

Ain’t In California Anymore

Synopsis: After deciding to uproot your life for a change of scenery from San Diego California you decide to take a trauma nurse position in Tornado Alley. You don’t expect to survive your first tornado let alone meet the resident cowboy tornado wrangler.

Last Updated: December 4th 2024

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[poison-into-positivity]

Thinking about “he just happened upon the ship that I was bleeding out on”, and… Stede still doesn’t know the lengths Ed went to in order to meet him, does he?

“The chances of us meeting each other in the first place [were slim].” No they were not. Babygirl your man tracked the Revenge to two different locations, sent his first mate to personally find you and invite you aboard, and obliterated a Spanish naval vessel, all just so he could have one conversion with you.

Ed was down catastrophically from day one, but Stede still thinks that Ed saving his life was a happy accident.

[kingdoms-and-empires]

The Real World Influences of Kingdoms and Empires: II

And here's an example of what you'll find in the FREE Patreon posts!!!

Unlike the first one, this is specifically only for the Belthean Empire as a unified polity. In the next post in the Real World Influences, I'll talk about the Old Kingdoms in the empire that used to be independent.

Belthean Empire

The Holy Belthean Empire, at least societally and culturally is inspired from a mix of both Imperial China and the Achaemenid Empire in core with lots of Roman Empire in the exterior.

I wanted to create an empire that was advanced culturally, militarily, and scientifically while also boasting a diverse and cosmopolitan background. And to that end I settled on specifically the Tang Dynasty and the empire of Cyrus the Great. The Roman Empire is already known for this of course, but not in the way the other two were (depending on time period of course).

Some Belthean Emperors were also inspired by entire Dynasties of Imperial China!

For instance, Emperor Garland the Founder is pretty much the Qin Empire. He personified the violent rise of the Qin, their brutality, and his historic feat of uniting his people under one nation.

His son however, Emperor Daerin I is the early Han Dynasty instead, using more peaceful and careful methods of uniting the people after the brutality that brought his people together in the first place. His philosophy is also studied and followed by the Master-Scholars of Jelaytha, and is very reminiscent of teachings of Confucius. We'll see more when Master Feren teaches us.

Emperor Valerion is the Song Dynasty, who helmed the Belthean Empire's path to more intellectual pursuits. This min-max focus led to the establishment of the Imperial Libraries, the social change of the nobility shifting to becoming scholar-nobles for a generation in order to join the government because of the new civil service examination system, and advancements in technology and medicine with many new inventions being made during this period.

Emperor Elric I was inspired from the Yuan Dynasty. Constant wars, battles, heavy taxation, and still using the intellectual systems created by the previous ruler (dynasty) it all came to an end with a massive rebellion.

Emperor Cenric however, is the only emperor on this list that isn't inspired by the dynasties. He is instead inspired from Ahoska the Great's legend of pacifism after a brutal conquest. His story instead deals with the literal nuking of the City of Farghas.

His son, Emperor Saldwin, is mostly associated/inspired by the Ming Dynasty. His major naval expedition, the incredible international prestige gained, and the beginning of a world superpower was created with his reign. The tribute and supplication of the powers around him, the incredibly effective and brutal methods of suppression of traitors and enemies, and the pivot to keeping the peace later on while having been militaristic earlier are similar in vein of the Yongle Emperor of Ming.

And now we have Emperor Elric II, the start of the three generations that are considered by me to be of the early half of the Tang Dynasty. If his father can be considered Trajan, Elric II can be considered Hadrian. Elric II did his best to solidify the gains his father conquered, and honorably upheld the multiple treaties signed. Under his reign, a true golden age descended upon the empire.

Emperor Daerin II inherited a strong, peaceful, stable, rich, and thriving empire. He also inherited when he was nine years old. His mother, who was supposed to be the first empress of the Beltheans, had died giving birth to him, and Daerin II's uncles died from freak accidents. So when the previous emperor, his grandfather died clutching his heart in the fables gardens of Emperor's Circle, a child took the helm of the strongest nation of the world. This led to a gaping hole in the political landscape of the empire, allowing for factions to wage wars of intrigue, using assassinations, intimidation, blackmail, and seduction. It is only because of the regent, his father-in-law, that the empire did not openly give way to civil war. Daerin II's excesses, and the regents, politicking, and young age of his coronation, are all inspired by the late Han Empire, that gave way to the Three Kingdoms Period.

And finally, Emperor Otto. I'd rather not spoil anything regarding this man. Our maternal grandfather is a complex figure, one who left his mark upon history, and whose presence will still be felt even after he passes. The empire has enjoyed an unprecedent era of peace and progress that started from Emperor Otto's grandfather, Emperor Elric II. His reign enjoyed an unbroken period of peace that lasted almost 40 years, and Otto's own father Emperor Daerin II, waged what the empire considered a minor conflict on the border with the Tripartite Alliance. The empire didn't face major mobilization until Emperor Otto's invasion of Lymark, which he conquered with incredible ease and dismantled the Tripartite Alliance while gaining the Kingdom of Argent as "Imperial Friend and Ally". For all intents and purposes, the Belthean Peace remains unbroken and steadfast.

The Fashion

When they landed on Nareth's shores, the Belthean people were primarily very consistent with what one could describe as "culturally Chinese" fashion, traditions, and cultural norms. Belthean noblewomen would mostly wear clothing like below (Tang Dynasty era) and dress up with heavy cosmetics and elaborate hair styles (of which most was wigs).

The men wore the typical robes associated with modern period dramas of Imperialist China, (they mostly didnt change much throughout the dynasties and ages lol, but this is because it was considered formal wear and was meant to show respect to your ancestors which makes sense.)

But for daily use clothing, you'd mostly see a more unisex hanfu style clothing that allows for easy movement. Another reason why I chose the Tang Dynasty in particular is due to the influx of foreign influence that helped ease restrictions on women (at least until the An Lushan Rebellion made the Tang distrust foreigners in the later half of their Dynasty) and that even extended to fashion.

Instead of the heavy and bothersome clothing of before, a noblewoman could use the ruqun style of clothing (or pair the ru with a shankun which were a style of trousers = pants!) for everyday shit while still looking fabulous.

The ru is a jacket of sorts (they could and can be longer sleeved)

And the qun is a skirt (which can also be longer, more elaborate, and made of varying different materials that further make it special and pretty)

And when used together you get the ruqun

And they could absolutely be used by the nobles who could also make them incredibly pretty and of higher quality material so it wouldn't even look out of place in parties and the like.

You can even throw another bigger overcoat and make it look way more hanfu (more formal and imperial court approved)

Of course, while the above is still used (and can be worn by our Champion as well if they wish as it is considered a middle ground for the traditionalists and progressives) by the empire, there is a divide currently going through fashion (and of course socially) of those staying true to their heritage and those wanting to experiment in accordance to influences from their regions (Ulthred, Moresaine, Beautrix, Swainea, Trevalyn, and now Lymark).

As such, western style of dresses and suits have begun to spread from Jelaytha and Trevalyn, who are ALSO the most merchant-like and most adventurous folk in the empire who travel around bringing their fashion and ideals to the rest of the empire.

This dynamic has resulted in a wide variety of styles of hanfu and ruqun/fashion and what can be considered traditionally western-style gowns and suits.

For instance, this can create a situation where a traditionalist house may use sewing, weaving, and construction techniques the Jelaythans and Trevalyn people have created to make hanfu and ruqun outfits like below that show off their house sigil (in this case a deer). Talk about hypocrites lol

As an author, I really want to use the different regions of the empire (for it is huge and a mix of different cultures and peoples) to help explain/explore the vast history of Chinese fashion. So I may fuck around and describe an outfit that may not be period-appropriate but meh it's fantasy and the only people who'd get pissed are people super interested in a niche subject who really shouldnt get angry when im bringing this to a lot of more people lol

An artist named lilsuika (

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 34 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Without you at home, Bradley's big mouth is about to get him in trouble. As he counts down the hours until he can pick you up from the airport, you wrap up your trip to Maryland with a visit to your childhood home. However, you're not as smooth as you think you are. By the time you get back to San Diego, you are an absolute train wreck, and some secrets have been revealed.

Warnings: Swearing, pregnancy topics, angst, fluff

Length: 4500 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

On Thursday morning, Bradley got to work a little bit early. He just needed to make a tiny detour to one of the database computers. He really wasn't sure if you realized that you told him Commander Patterson's first name last night, or if you let it slip by accident, but now that he knew it, he just wanted to check him out.

Every trip you took to Annapolis turned into some sort of disaster at one point or another. He couldn't imagine you were out there looking for trouble, but it sure did find you in the form of Derek or Josh. You were the most capable person Bradley knew, but he loved and respected you enough to know that sometimes you needed a break. Right now, he just wanted to bring you back home and take care of every tiny need or want that you or the baby might have. He'd honestly fucking delight in that.

As soon as he logged into the system, Bradley typed in your full name, complete with Bradshaw hyphenated at the end. A second later, your image appeared on the screen complete with lovely smile and gorgeous eyes. "That's my Baby Girl," he muttered, still captivated by this photo of you. 

He forced his fingers back to the keyboard, but no results appeared when he looked for Derrick Patterson. He tried Paterson. Then he tried Derick. Then he tried Derek Patterson and saw the face of the asshole who made his wife cry over a steak dinner. Were you more emotional right now than perhaps you would usually be? Absolutely. But that was only because you were pregnant. As soon as you told him you had a positive pregnancy test, Bradley's number one concern in this world simply switched from his wife to his wife and his child. 

This guy looked like a real tool. Forty-four years old. Ranked up to Commander two years ago. Worked in a simulation lab. Had the same degrees from the Naval Academy that you earned. "Yeah, well I can guarantee you're not as smart as her, you motherfucker."

He took another minute to memorize what he saw there before logging out. Maybe he'd ask Maverick about him. Cyclone and Warlock would be good resources, too. Bradley just hated that he wasn't able to make you feel safe and comfortable at the moment, but as soon as he picked you up tomorrow, he'd take care of everything. 

When he started to head out to the tarmac, he literally ran into someone while he was adding steaks to the grocery list he saved in his phone. He didn't know how to cook a steak, but he'd get them just in case you were still in the mood for one. "Sorry," he muttered, not really looking up, too concerned with what else you might want.

"It's okay, Bradley."

Then he did look up into the dark eyes of Maria Wilson. "Hey," he said with a smile at your good friend. "I've been meaning to ask you... how's rooming with Bob going for you?"

"Great," she replied with a little shrug and a completely neutral expression. "He's clean and courteous, and I think the arrangement is going to work out really well." 

If he didn't know better, Bradley would have believed nothing was going on. She was that good. But he did know better. He wasn't going to do Bob dirty, so he just nodded and said, "I hope it does work out. I've always felt a little bad about stealing my wife away from you."

She just laughed and said, "Like we didn't all see that coming a mile away."

He wandered off with a grin on his face after he said goodbye. He was planning on making a few stops on the way home before Jake showed up to workout together later. Bradley just had to get through one more night and then you'd be back.

----------------------------

You were an idiot for eating two steaks and seventeen pounds of sides and then passing out for the night. Sure, at the time, it seemed like the best idea you'd ever had. Derek's porterhouse hit the fucking spot like nothing else. The potatoes were creamy and delectable. The brussels sprouts? A thing of beauty.

But Thursday morning, you were back to your normal routine of throwing up as soon as you got out of bed. "I get it, okay?" you gasped as you sprawled out on the bathroom floor. "I understand," you added, letting your hand settle on your belly. "You miss your Dad. Well guess what. I miss him, too. Now will you stop acting out if I promise to take you home tomorrow?"

A soft gurgle as your stomach started to settle was the response you got, and that was actually better than you could have hoped for. When you heard tapping on your hotel room door, you knew it was Cat, and you wanted to cry. You were wearing Bradley's UVA shirt and a pair of your ratty underwear and nothing else, and she'd just keep knocking until you answered. 

"I'm coming," you moaned, actually crawling most of the way there. You pulled yourself up and then cracked the door open a few inches, and you were met with Cat's appraising eyes. "Hi."

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to get breakfast with me," she said cautiously.

"No, I'm good, but thanks for asking." You tried to close the door, but her foot was immediately preventing that. 

"Are you sick?" she asked. "I can bring something back for you."

"No, I'm okay," you told her. Your stomach lurched, and your eyes went wide. You had about ten seconds to get rid of her and make it to the toilet. You didn't know what to do as saliva pooled at the back of your tongue. You started to gag as your eyes filled with tears. 

"Hey," she said softly. "If something's wrong, you can tell me."

But you shook your head and let go of the door, making a mad dash back into the bathroom. You barely made it to your knees in front of the toilet before you barfed again. "Why?" you moaned, wiping your mouth with toilet paper before rolling onto the bath mat which had become your best friend.

"Oh my god," Cat muttered as she walked right into your hotel room bathroom. She flushed the toilet and then turned to the sink and started to fill one of the disposable cups with water. "You're pregnant," she stated plainly. "You could have told me, you know. Congratulations, by the way."

As she knelt on the floor next to you, she helped you sit up. You accepted the cup from her and said, "It's just food poisoning." She blinked at you a few times, giving you no wiggle room to lie to her. "Fine," you admitted with a little smile, "I'm pregnant."

She ran the backs of her fingers along your forehead while you sipped the water. "How far along are you?"

"About nine or ten weeks," you whispered as you closed your eyes for a few beats. "I'm just really tired and really fucking sick. I felt good last night, but now I feel terrible again."

Cat took the empty cup from your hand and wrapped you up in a soft hug. "Thank you for holding it together for the presentation. Now you need to get back into bed."

You shook your head and said, "I need to get up and moving so I can go see my parents later."

"No," she said firmly, guiding you back to the bed. "You need to rest right now. You'll feel better if you do." 

Part of you wanted to make sure your suitcase was closed so she didn't see your vibrators, but mostly you didn't even care. She had a certain way about her that was calming you down, and as soon as you were in the bed, she tucked you in. You almost believed her when she told you that resting would help you feel better. 

"Where's your room key?" she asked once you were curled up on your side.

You let one hand sneak out from under the covers and pointed. "Next to the TV."

She patted your shoulder and promised she would be back soon, and then she was gone. You dozed on and off while your stomach gurgled, and you missed a few texts from Bradley. When Cat eventually opened your door and let herself in, you were actually feeling hungry. And that's when you noticed two bags and a cup carrier in her hands. 

Quietly, she set everything down on your nightstand including some orange juice that almost brought a tear to your eye. Somehow she knew that was what you needed when you didn't even know yourself. You sat up as she poked a hole in the lid and handed it to you, and you drank half of it down in one sip.

"You need to eat something," she whispered, taking the cup away again. "I got you a bagel with cream cheese, an egg sandwich, a few different kinds of donuts and a muffin."

You reached for the bagel, and she unwrapped it for you. "I'll pay you back," you rasped, but she shook her head.

"Don't worry about it. Just make the baby happy, and we're square," she replied as she sank down into the chair beside the bed.

But you were definitely going to worry about it. Money was very tight for Cat and Jeremiah, so you would have to figure out a way to make it even. She probably spent about forty bucks on all of this for you, and somehow she knew that a sesame seed bagel with cream cheese would go down as happily as the steaks did. You devoured the whole thing and then took some bites out of the egg and cheese sandwich before finishing the orange juice. 

Then you drank some of the hot tea as well and nibbled on a muffin, and you felt so much better. Cat asked you a few questions, but she didn't pry. "Bradley must be over the moon," she said softly with a sad smile. 

"Oh yeah," you told her, knowing that her ex-husband did not have a relationship with Jeremiah. "He dubbed the baby the chicken nugget." When she laughed, you added, "He's very excited to be a dad."

"He'll be a good one," she confirmed with a nod. "Now why don't you rest for a few more hours, and then I can drop you off at your parents' house so you don't have to drive."

"You don't have to do that."

"I'll drop you off and then go to the outlet mall. There are some things I want to get for Jer, and then I can pick you up again." She probably knew it wasn't a good idea to let you drive like this, and you were honestly kind of thankful that she offered.

"Alright." You fell asleep again as soon as she was gone.

--------------------------

When Bradley left work, it was blazing hot out, and he had his aviators on while he walked to the parking garage. It was already late as hell in Maryland, and he was a little afraid you had already left your parents and gone back to the hotel for the night. But your phone only rang briefly before you answered his FaceTime call.

"Bradley," you sighed, looking better than he'd seen you in weeks. "Here, say hi to everyone."

You turned your phone to reveal both of your parents along with Cat, sitting around the dining room table in the house where he was finally getting used to spending his holidays. They all greeted him warmly before your mom took the phone and asked him at least a dozen questions.

"Are you eating enough without her at home? How's work? How's Tramp? When can we come visit again, because she's not giving us a clear answer?"

She said nothing about the baby, so Bradley assumed you were holding yourself together well enough that it hadn't been mentioned. "I've been subsiding on cereal. Work is great. Tramp is great. I've been thinking about starting a project to expand the upstairs into another bedroom or two, so hopefully after that's finished, you and dad can stay as long as you want."

Bradley knew they would feel like a handful for him if they stayed at the house again, but that was only because he liked being alone with you. He really wanted to take a minute to talk to you privately, but your dad took the phone next so he could show off his latest painting project. When he finally got handed back to you, apparently it was time for you and Cat to head out. 

"I'll let you know when the flight leaves tomorrow," you told him. "Love you, Roo."

And that was it. With a deep sigh, he started up the red Bronco and headed to the store on his way home. He hated shopping in his uniform; he always got a bunch of looks from people, mostly women. He tried to make it quick, but it took him a little time to gather up steaks, potatoes, garlic, your favorite coffee, and all of the yellow flowers in the floral section. 

He barely had all of the food put away at home when Jake knocked twice on the front door before letting himself in the house. "It's like he fucking lives here," Bradley muttered to Tramp who had been waiting for his scoop of dinner before he ran to see Jeremiah.

"Hey, man," Jake called out. He had Cat's son tucked under one arm and some weird contraption under the other, and he was wearing gym clothes. "Did you just get home?"

"Yeah," Bradley replied, unable to keep himself from smiling when Jeremiah reached out for him. He took the little boy in his arms and told him, "I had to get some stuff for my wife. You remember her. She's your favorite babysitter. She read you some books while you fell asleep, because her voice is the sweetest thing in the world."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Angel made you soft, old man."

Bradley pointed to Jeremiah. "And this little thing made you soft, so you don't have a leg to stand on."

He just kind of shrugged in response and took the child back as he said, "Go get changed. I'll meet you in the garage."

As Jake disappeared through the sliding glass door, Bradley headed to the bedroom. He stripped out of his uniform and put on some shorts and a Top Gun shirt that was starting to fit a little snug across his biceps and chest again. This was a good sign, because he wanted to bulk up as much as possible. He'd be ready to haul the baby and all of the gear around so you didn't have to. 

His thoughts were on you and the baby. You. Baby. You. Baby. He couldn't wait until both of you were home tomorrow. When he walked out to the garage, he found Jake doing a few pushups while Jeremiah played with a stuffed tiger while he sat in some sort of portable crib.

"What is that thing?" Bradley asked as he reached for his lifting gloves. "A mini crib?"

Jake jumped to his feet as he said, "It's called a pack 'n play, but yeah, it's kind of a mini crib that folds up."

"Huh," he replied, eyeing it up so he could search online for that kind of thing later. "Looks handy. We're definitely going to need one of those."

Jake was frozen in place, eyes wide and jaw hanging open. "Is Angel pregnant? I knew her ass looked bigger." A grin curled along his lips, and that was when Bradley realized he had fucked up.

"Oh, shit," he muttered as his heart rate sped up and he started to sweat. You were going to be so upset. Your own parents didn't even know yet, but now Jake did, and it was all his fault.

"She's pregnant!" Jake practically shouted. "Congratulations, Rooster," he said, pulling Bradley into a hug and slapping him on the back. "You finally figured out which hole to put it in, huh?" he asked with an absolutely obnoxious grin.

Bradley glared at him. "Seriously. Nobody else knows about this yet. She might murder me if she finds out you know."

"I won't say shit about it," Jake promised, cuffing him on the shoulder before releasing him. "Damn, she must be excited. I know you both wanted this."

"Yeah," Bradley rasped, just knowing his face must be flushed pink. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm so fucking happy and scared and nervous, I can barely make it through a day without her here, you know?"

Jeremiah roared and held up the tiger for Bradley. He took it and made it roar back before pretending it was kissing Jeremiah all over his face. His laugh was infectious, and it left Bradley smiling. 

"Damn," Jake drawled. "I think you're ready for the parenting thing."

"I know I am," he replied, fixing him with a serious look. "I'm ready."

Jake sighed and nodded. "But you still have a lot to learn. Do you know about outlet covers?"

Bradley's eyes went wide. "No. What are those?"

"How about white noise to help a baby sleep? Do you know what a convertible car seat is?"

"No," Bradley whispered, "No, I don't."

Jake settled back onto the bench and reached for the barbell. "Spot for me, and I'll tell you everything I've learned."

------------------------

It was finally Friday morning, and Cat was knocking on your door with another round of food and orange juice before you were even out of bed. When you let her in, she set everything up on the nightstand while you went to use the bathroom, and you were pleasantly surprised that you didn't need to throw up while you were in there.

"Eat as much as you can," she told you. "I asked them to give you a late checkout, so you can stay here until noon, and then we'll head to the airport."

"You're a saint," you told her with a mouth full of bagel. "I owe you so much money for this, you have to let me pay you back."

She just shook her head. "I'll let you babysit Jer so Jake and I can go out one night. Assuming I'm still in a relationship after we get bad to San Diego later tonight."

"You will be," you told her as you sipped the orange juice. "Jake isn't stupid." You paused before you set the juice down in favor of a donut. "Well... he's kind of stupid, but not when it comes to this."

Cat reached into the bag for another donut. "Seriously, if he and Bernie can't figure their shit out, I'll pull the plug and never look at another man again."

"Sometimes they really aren't worth the aggravation," you remarked, thinking back to every guy you dated before Bradley. "But sometimes they surprise you."

She didn't say anything else as she finished her donut. Then she let you take a nap, and when you got up and got dressed, you felt pretty amazing. Your stomach was gurgling quietly, and you looked okay enough to skip the makeup today. 

You dragged your suitcase out into the hallway and texted Bradley, letting him know you were going to be heading to the airport soon, and he responded almost immediately. 

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw <3 <3 <3: i'll meet you in baggage claim sweetheart. i can't wait to have you and the nugget back home with me

You practically moaned, and also started tearing up as Cat met you in the hallway. "When willI I be normal again?" you whispered. "All I want to do is have rough, frequent sex with my husband, but every time I think about how sweet he is, I start crying."

She laughed and said, "You won't feel normal until about six months postpartum. Just have fun running that man ragged."

You nodded and wiped at your tears. "Where's our equipment bin?"

"Already in the car."

"You weren't supposed to move it alone! It's so heavy."

"And you shouldn't be carrying anything like that at all," she scolded, pushing you gently toward the elevators. "I took care of it. I'll take care of it all day, and I'll get your suitcase when we get to the airport, too."

You sobbed the whole way down in the elevator and most of the ride to the airport. When you said thank you, Cat told you to be quiet which made you smile and also cry more. You'd get Bradley to agree to watch Jeremiah for a whole weekend. It would give the two of you some practice, and it would give Cat and Jake time alone. There was no way he was going to mess anything up.

--------------------------

Bradley parked the red Bronco at the airport with a vase of flowers in the cup holder and an ultrasound picture tucked into the visor. Your flight had been delayed a few times, and he figured you were probably starving now. He picked up the container of peanut butter crackers he prepared and started to head inside, still a little too early but with nothing better to do.

He found an empty bench, and it wasn't long before Jake came strolling in with Jeremiah in his arms. Bradley stood up, jostling the snack container as he muttered, "You're not going to say anything to her, right?"

"Relax," Jake replied as Jeremiah reached for the crackers. "I won't say a word about her being pregnant. You can count on me."

That actually made him feel a lot more nervous as he opened up the container, broke a cracker in half and handed it to Jeremiah. "Okay. Just pretend you don't know a thing about it."

He watched Jeremiah get crumbs all over Jake's shirt as Jake checked his phone. "Sure. Hey, they landed. Cat said they're walking off the plane now."

Bradley checked his phone, but there was absolutely nothing from you, which was really strange. "Huh." He stood there awkwardly as he'd been left out of the loop, handing the other half of the cracker to Jeremiah when he reached for it. 

He watched Jake typing one handed, and then he said, "Apparently there was a ton of turbulence. Angel got pretty sick." When he met Bradley's eyes, he kind of shrugged. "Sounds like she's in bad shape."

Bradley ran his fingers through his hair until it was sticking up at an odd angle. "What's that supposed to mean? How is she in bad shape?" He looked over toward the partition that blocked off the area he wouldn't be able to get past without a boarding pass while he started to panic. Was he going to have to take you to the hospital or something? The cereal and potato chips he had for dinner started to sour in his stomach as he started walking in that direction. 

Then he saw you, and he started running. Cat had her arm around you, and she was carrying your tote bag along with her backpack while you sipped a can of ginger ale through a straw. Bradley could see fresh tears in your eyes as they met his. "Oh, Sweetheart."

"Roo," you croaked, and he closed the rest of the distance to you and carefully took you in his arms. "I was horrible."

Cat took the ginger ale from your hand, and you collapsed against him, a sobbing, shaking mess. "It's okay," he promised you. "You're home now, and I will take care of everything."

You nodded against his chest, and he let you cry. "I threw up so much. I was fine, but then it was really rough, and the baby hates me anyway." You cried harder, and then Jake was there with Jeremiah. He took the container of crackers so Bradley could rub your back with both hands. You hiccupped against him and mumbled, "You can say what you want. Cat knows. She guessed it. Then she took care of me."

Bradley wasn't surprised in the least that someone who had been pregnant before was able to tell that you were now. "Okay," he whispered, kissing the top of your head. He held you close and gave both Cat and Jake a stern look. "Do you want to go ahead and tell Jake?" he asked carefully. 

"Yeah," you groaned, leaning toward Jake slightly. "I'm pregnant."

If Jake didn't get Bradley out of this debacle safely, he was going to ban him from the home gym. But he should have known that above anything else in this scenario, Jake was going to have your back.

"Aww, Angel," he crooned as Jeremiah climbed into Cat's arms. "I'm so happy for you, mama." Then he kissed your cheek and winked at Bradley. "You'll be a natural, and ol' Rooster here's gonna be a class act. Now why don't you let him take you home? I can get the bin of your work stuff."

"You sure?" Bradley asked, giving Jake a discreet fist bump as you buried your face against his chest again. You were half burrowed inside his tropical print shirt at this point, and his undershirt was damp; he just wanted to get you home.

"We'll take care of it," Cat promised. "She's dehydrated. Make sure she drinks water or gatorade. And she needs to try to eat something." Jake handed the crackers back to Bradley. "Yeah, those might work, but she really needs to keep drinking."

"Got it," Bradley replied, kissing your forehead. "Thank you, Cat."

"It was my pleasure," she said with a smile as she cuddled Jeremiah. 

"Let's go, Baby Girl," Bradley whispered, leading you to get your suitcase as you sipped the ginger ale and nibbled on a cracker. He kept his hand at the small of your back as you sucked in deep breath after deep breath. "I'll get you home and into bed as quickly as possible."

You sniffed and looked up at him. "I just want you with me. That's all I wanted all week." 

Your lips quivered, and Bradley leaned in to kiss you as softly as he could. "That's all I wanted, too. I'm not going to leave your side." He kept you right there with him as he scooped up your luggage, and then he had his arm around you until he got you to the Bronco. With a kiss to your perfect cheek, he opened the door, helped you in, and buckled your seatbelt.

"Thanks, Roo," you sighed, eyes closed as you leaned back against the headrest, already looking more serene now that you and he were together.

"I would do anything for you." He stroked your belly with his fingertips. "Both of you."

Five minutes into the drive home, you were sound asleep, your fingers laced with his.

------------------------

I can already feel how much calmer she is just knowing she doesn't have as much to worry about with Bradley by her side. And he's going to be so much less stressed with her at home. It's looking like next chapter could be the last one in this series!!!! I'm hoping to do some one-shots for them and then pick up with another series? Please let me know what you'd like to see during and after her pregnancy. And thank you for reading! Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 35

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@chassy21

@solacestyles

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[aworldinsideaperson]

Loss-Robert “BOB” Floyd

Pairing: Robert “Bob” Floyd x wife!reader

Plot: The worst day of Bob’s life.

Warnings: Critical injuries, medical themes (probably many inaccuracies), Angst, sadness, potential for death, car accident, talk of Carol Bradshaw’s death.

Word Count: 2,967

Robert Floyd had few fears. If asked, he would say the list of things that scared him was rather short. Spiders, talking to new people, and death. Though as he walked in circles around the hospital waiting room he wondered if the only thing that truly terrified him would come to pass.

He couldn’t tell if it had been seconds or hours since he arrived, a phone call he never expected to receive putting him in auto pilot; one moment standing beside his friends smiling to being in the faux comforting waiting area trying to piece together the words the doctor had uttered.

Accident. Bleeding. Severe. Surgery. Everything we can. Everything we can. Everything. We. Can. Bob Floyds one, true, debilitating fear coming to fruition. The loss of his wife.

He was hardly aware of his surroundings, pacing in a never ending circle, determined to walk a hole into the floor of this hospital. One by one his friends came, calmly laying a hand on his shoulder and taking a seat to watch Bob’s cyclical parade of one.

Phoenix stood from her seat, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder as he came to a stop. “Bob, why don’t you sit down.”

His head shook violently as the tears came to his eyes and his breath caught as he stuttered quickly. “I- I- I can’t. I can’t shit- sit c- c- cause they’re gonna- gonna be out any- ugh- any second and ugh they’re um- they’re gonna - they’re gonna tell me she’s okay and- and I- I just- I just- I gotta be ready. Cause- Cause if I'm standing they’ll know who to talk to and- and there won’t be any kind of um mix up with- with who to- who to talk to. So I’m gonna stand and I’m gonna wait and- and she’s gonna be fine. She’s gonna be fine and- and- and- and-” He could feel his heart beginning to race again and he found it difficult to get a breath as the panic began to rise in his chest once again.

Nat took his hand and squeezed to tightly in hopes of grounding him as she spoke gently. “What if I stand for a little while, you sit, take a breath, and I’ll stand. So they know.”

Looking into her eyes Bob took a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you.” He said softly as he squeezed her hand and moved back to the seat Natasha had vacated.

Bob sat between Bradley and Jake, taking a deep shaking breath, and Natasha stood. She took up post for her backseater, pacing in his place; half an hour she paced before Bradley took her place, then Jake after him. A change of guard every thirty minutes as each of his coworkers, his friends, his family, took turns standing and pacing and waiting. His people being there for him as much if not more than his wife.

As Bob stands, ready to let Maverick have the seat he’s vacating is when news finally comes. Striding toward the naval group was a tall man with a stoic look. “Mister Floyd?” Feeling as though the air has caught in his chest once again Robert Floyd only nods and takes a single step closer.

He tries to keep his head high with confidence as the man before him stands rigid and places his hands behind his back, his face still set without emotion. Bob is sure he’s about to get the worst news of his life, quickly playing out if anyone would be fast enough to stop him from walking into traffic. Then the doctor’s lips start to move.

“My name is Doctor Michaels, would you like to go somewhere more private?”

Robert Floyd looks around the room, filled with some of the people who cared about him most, people who’d kept him alive, people he’d kept alive, his family, and he shook his head as tears began to well up in his eyes.

Nodding, Dr. Michaels continued. “Your wife is on her way out of surgery and into recovery. Making it through the surgery was tough but she did make it. She is by no means out of the woods and I don’t want to give you a false sense of hope but you can come back and stay with her while we monitor her and get a room ready.”

Dr. Michaels began to walk away, leading Bob toward a double door as he continued to speak. “Over the next few hours we can discuss the extent of her injuries and what recovery may look like going forward.” He stopped beside a clear glass wall and Bob averted his eyes, keeping his focus on the doctor as he continued to speak. “She’s not out of the woods but making it through the surgery should be seen as a positive step.” Reaching out and placing a hand on Bob’s shoulder Dr. Michaels attempted a reassuring smile of sorts. Peaking for the first time at his badge he saw a yellow line across the bottom and the word ‘Resident’ in bold script. He wondered if this was the first time he’d had to deliver poor news. If the worst day of Bob’s life was a sort of milestone for the young man before him. “You can head in whenever you’re ready.” Squeezing his shoulder Dr. Michaels turned away and continued to walk down the hall.

Squeezing his eyes tightly Bob breathed deeply and finally turned to the door the opened automatically before him. Stepping inside the room he was greeted to a barely lit room, two nurses moving beside his wife tending to her. Tucking a blanket around her legs, hanging bags from her IV pole, quietly finishing and moving from her bedside. Both nurses gave him a small, sad smile as the left the room.

He couldn’t bring himself to move. He couldn’t bring himself to look up from the floor. The beeping. The pumping of the ventilator. He wasn’t ready to attach the surrounding sounds with an image. It feels like an eternity before he feels he can look at her. She doesn’t look like herself. Hooked up to machines, bags of medication dripping into her body, bruises and cuts marking every inch of skin he can see. It’s not until he sniffles that he realizes the tears he’s been bottling for hours have finally broken free. He moves slowly across the room, sitting in the chair beside the hospital bed. He reaches out to brush his fingers over her hand, fingers then slipping into her palm and drawing patterns on the soft skin. The only place that seems to be free from cuts.

Letting out a breath he trains his eyes on the face of the woman he’s loved for so long. “Hello there Mrs. Floyd, it’s me, Mr. Floyd your husband. I’m here darlin’.

Hours had passed, the sun long since set when a hand was once again placed on his shoulder. His fingers still drawing on the skin of his wife’s palm as he looked up at several staff members shuffling into the room. The woman holding his shoulder spoke gently. “We’re going to transfer her to the ICU now. The process of moving patients can be overwhelming for family so if you’d like to come with me I have some paperwork for you to work on; you can it back to the waiting room and I’ll come get you when she’s all settled?”

Bob shook his head, turning back to look at the woman he loved. “I’d much rather stay.”

“Truthfully Mr. Floyd-” She began before being cut off by Bob.

“It’s Lieutenant. Sorry she’s always on me about correcting that.” He didn’t have a habit of interrupting people. In fact if his mother had been in the room she would have attempted to scold him like he was a little boy again. But his wife was always addamet about correcting his title. Said he worked hard for it and deserved to have it recognized. She’s been so proud of his promotion she’d moaned lieutenant for hours that night.

“Lieutenant Floyd.” She began again. “Truthfully, she’s due for more sedation and there is a probability that she’s come out of it enough to experience some significant pain during the transfer. You need to take care of yourself too and you don’t need to experience that. Please. Let me come get you when we have her all settled.” She reached for the hand he had dangling over the armrest and squeezed it in her own. “I promise you if things take a turn in the time you’re away I will come and get you quicker than a flash.”

Bob looked into her eyes and as his shoulders relaxed he nodded. He squeezed wife’s hand once more, and whispered that he’d be right back as he kissed her forehead. Then he turned from the bed, following the woman out of the room and towards the nurse’s station. With a sad smile she hands him a stack of papers, a clipboard, and a pen.

“Here is that. Take your time with it. There is a lot of information and questions in there so don’t feel like you have to do it all at once.” Turning around she reached for a large opaque bag with the hospital’s name and logo printed on the front and handed it to him. “Here are her belongings. Most of the clothing was unsalvageable but everything is in there except…” Her eyes darted around the space in front of her as she searched for something. “Aha! This is the jewelry she was wearing when she came in, including her wedding ring.” Placing the small bag in his hand and wrapping his fingers around it as she squeezed his hand tightly. A feeling of comfort passed through him as she held it tightly. “I’ll come get you the moment she’s settled.”

Looking into her eyes Bob took her in for a moment. A short woman, early 50’s, graying brown hair and deep brown eyes radiating kindness. She reminded him of his mother and tears came to his eyes again. “Thank you.” His words hardly audible.

“Do you need help finding the waiting room?”

Shaking his head Bob slipped the small bag into his pocket. “No, I remember. Thank you ma’am.” She nodded and Bob turned to walk back to the room where his nightmare started.

Walking back through the double doors he looked up to find the waiting room still half full of faces he knew and a gentle smile came to his face. “What’re you guys still doing here?”

Mickey answered. “We wanted to be here in case either of you needed anything.”

Shaking his head Bob found two empty seats, placing the contents of his arms in one and plopping down heavily into the other. “You didn’t need to do that. It’s been hours.”

Natasha moved to the other side of her friend, draping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him in for an awkwardly angled hug. “We needed to be here for you. How is she?”

“Not good. Critical condition they say. They’re transferring her to the ICU and they’ll come get me when she’s settled.” He leaned forward, his forearms on his knees as he closed his eyes and tried to focus his breathing.

“How are you?” Jake asked, today one of the few times he’d been truly kind to Bob.

Looking up at him, his body still resting forward, Bob let out a huff that was reminiscent of a laugh. “I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” Leaning back again, eyes trained on the floor as he spun his wedding ring around his finger. “You guys should head home, it’s late and I’m sure we’ll still be here in the morning.”

“At least let us see her. Let her know that we’re here for her and that we’re with you. Whatever either of you need, we’re here.” Maverick insisted.

Looking around the room, the eyes of his friends trained on him as they all nodded in agreement so Bob nodded too. Tears filling his eyes at the love surrounding him. “Thanks guys.”

For 45 minutes the group sat in near silence; startling at every opening door or foot step rushing past. When the woman from earlier came into the room Bob made sure to take note of her name tag. Elizabeth. Social worker. She smiles warmly as she approaches Bob, taking note of the gaggle of people following along as they arrive on the 8th floor. Trekking down the hall in a single file line until they reach room 875. Directly across from the nurse’s station. Bob grabs Nat’s hand and squeezes tightly as the two of them walk into the room, everyone else lining up against the wall to wait.

He can hear Nat suck in a breath but to Bob it’s a better sight than before. The room is a little brighter, there’s a tv playing the Food Network attached to the wall, a wall of windows and they’d turned off the sound of the monitors so at least he wouldn’t have to hear the incessant beeping though the sound of the compressing ventilator still filled the room. His wife is still covered in bruises and cuts, but she looks like she’d been cleaned up. Most of the dried blood was gone, and it looked as though someone had at least attempted to smooth her hair. Sitting in the hard recliner beside her bed, Bob took her hand again and the tension in his shoulders eased. “Let everyone know they can come in when they’re ready.” Bob didn’t move as she left the room and returned with their flock.

For several minutes everyone just stood watching. Watching as her chest moved up and down. Looking at a woman whose face they knew but the could hardly recognize in the current state. Then slowly but surely they stepped up to her bedside one by one.

Fanboy taking her hand and whispering a prayer before kissing it and making a sign of the cross.

Rueben with a crack in his voice assured her that she’d be okay as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Jake had tears welling in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Bob from behind and squeezed him tightly. “I live the closest. Call me if things change.”

Coyote stayed by her feet, his face hard as he gently patted her ankle and quickly left the room.

Maverick kissed her forehead, telling Bob he’d be back in the morning.

The last three in the room, Bob, Nat, and Bradley. The three of them sat silently for some time; Natasha in the chair opposite Bob and Bradley on the couch built into the wall beneath the windows. Eventually as the clock signaled the end of one day and beginning of the next Natasha stood, pressed a kiss to her good friend’s head and turned to Rooster.

“You comin’ Roo?”

“Actually Bob, if you don’t mind, I think I’d like to stay.”

Giving Bradley a sad smile he let his head fall to the side as it shook. “You really don’t have to do that Brad.”

“I want to.” He assured.

Bob nodded and Phoenix said her goodbyes, hugging her backseater extra tightly and then leaving the men alone in the room.

Bob sighed, his hand still gripping tightly to his wife’s. He leaned back in the chair and turned his head to face Rooster. “So, why’d you want to stay?”

Bradley leans back slowly, running a hand through his hair as he looks up at the ceiling. “Um, my mom was in the hospital when she died. She had been doing pretty good and we were expecting her to get out soon so no one was there. Well, no one but me. One second we were laughing and talking about going on a road trip before I left for college and the next,” His eyes were now trained on the ground, emotions surfacing that he rarely let others see. “Well the next she was gone.” Standing up, Rooster took the seat on the other side of the bed and took her hand in his. “I was alone when my mom died and I know that Mrs. Floyd here is going to make a full recovery, but on the off chance that I’m wrong, you don’t deserve to be here alone.” Bradley looked over at Bob who’s tears were once again finally spilling over.

“Can I have a few minutes alone with her right now?”

“Yeah. I’ll go find us something to snack on, gotta be a halfway decent vending machine around here.” He stood and walked out of the room, the door closing behind him.

Bob sits in silence at first. His head devoid of thoughts as he watches his wife’s chest move up and down in time with the only sound in the room. He’s holding her hand, remembering the very first time their hands touched all the way back in the 7th grade. How her fingers had brushed against his so softly as they sat side by side in the library. It happened six times before Bobby swallowed his fear and took hold of her hand firmly. Their hands had been so small then but he remembered them fitting like puzzle pieces when their fingers interlocked. Their hands had grown but they always managed to still fit together perfectly.

Bob closed his eyes tight, lifting her hand to his lips he pressed a kiss to the back of it before he looked at his wife’s face and spoke firmly. “I don’t know if you can hear me baby, but if you can, don’t give up on me.”

[nyree2712]

Top Gun - Incorrect Quotes 18

Iceman:Recent Naval report say that YOU are responsible of 50% of Aviation accidents... I can't tell if I want to kick the shit out of you for being so reckless or kiss you for being alive

Maverick: *Chuckles* I'd take that kiss... please

[ltwilliammowett]

Medal presented to W.G. Brown for his efforts in rescuing passengers from the steamship Royal Tar on October 25, 1836. At the time it sank (from a fire), it was carrying a circus with two camels, an elephant, some horses and other various animals. Sadly, 32 passengers drowned, as did all of the animals except for two horses.

[teddy06writes]

Whumptober Day 9 - Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x gn!reader

Prompt: Falling asleep in a hospital room

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of flight accident/sustained injuries but no detail descriptions, my inability to describe a hospital

Summary: When a training incident gone wrong lands Bradley in the hospital, you insist on staying with him.

When you'd gotten the call, your heart had dropped right out of your chest.

You had returned home from a day at work, hardly even noting that Bradley had still yet to text you that he had landed and should be heading home soon.

Halfway through trying to decide what to make for dinner, the phone had rang, delivering you the terrible news. There had been an accident, and your husband was being taken into emergency surgery.

As soon as the call had ended, you were scrambling to find your shoes, dinner completely forgotten. On your way out the door, you called Maverick, demanding answers.

"Hello-"

"What happened? Is Bradley going to be alright? They didn't give me many details, did he look bad?"

Over the phone you heard Maverick sigh deeply, "(y/n), you need to take a deep breath. They just brought him into surgery."

You started your car, transfering the call over the speakers, "But what happened?"

Again, the older man sighed, "You know him, pushing limits and letting Hangman egg him on. His emergency landing was fine, it's just that he was hitting a lot of Gs. Broke his collar bones or something- I'm not sure kid, they wouldn't tell me all of it."

You swallowed thickly, putting on your turn signal, "I'm almost at the hospital. I'll keep you updated."

~~ "Hi, my name is (y/n) Bradshaw, I'm here for my husband, Bradley, he's a naval pilot, I got a call saying he was brought in for emergency surgery."

The woman at the nurses station nodded sympathetically, "Let me see if he's out yet, hun."

You stood, waiting anxiously as she typed away on a keyboard. Around you, the hospital was surprisingly busy, despite the fact that it was getting quite late.

"Alright, it looks like he's not out yet, but I will update you as soon as I can, okay?"

You nodded, "Thank you."

The wait was unnerving. Around you, people drifted in and out of the waiting area, and with nothing to properly distract yourself with, your imagination ran rampant, coming up with the worst possible scenarios of what could've happened to Bradley while in surgery.

Finally, the nurse from earlier approached you, "They're bringing him back up to recovery now, if you'd like me to show you to the room."

"Yes, please," You were on your feet in an instant, "He's okay?"

She nodded, "The surgery was successful."

The recovery room was a buzz of activity when you arrived, as nurses hooked Bradley up to a heart monitor and replaced his IV. It took a moment before any of them noticed you hovering in the doorway.

"Ah, you must be the spouse," One nurse said, finally turning to you, "My name is Lisa, I'll be the main nurse on duty tonight. The bad news is that your husband broke his collarbone and fractured his arm. The good news is that his surgery was successful, and he should be alright in a few weeks."

You smiled, relieved, "Thank you so much."

"It's no problem. He should be awake within the next hour or so. If you need anything, the call button is right there next to the bed."

She disappeared out into the hallway, and you took a seat beside Bradley's bed, the adrenaline of the day finally beginning to bleed away.

It was a relief to have him there in front of you, even if he was still asleep and bruised. You scooted your chair even closer to the bed, taking his limp hand in yours.

Despite the fact that Bradley was alright, the time seemed to pass even slower. As the hour grew later, and your husband stayed asleep, your eyes grew heavier, and if visiting hours had ended, no one had told you.

~~

As Bradley came to, the first thing he felt was the ache of his arms and chest, dulled and muted by whatever pain meds he'd been put on.

When he finally rosed himself enough to drag his eyes open and take in the somewhat familiar sight of a hospital room, the first thing he found was you, at his bedside, fast asleep in an uncomfortable looking chair.

Your hand was still tangled in his on top of the sheets.

[h-ngm-nssluttt]

Color My World

Jake Seresin x Reader

Ella Kazansky never thought she would be able to find someone to bring color into her world after her boyfriend Max passed away. But someone she least’s expects brings the most vibrant new colors into her world.

This will be a series.

Color My World Chapter 2

Song: If I would have known - Kyle Hume

Chapter 1

I lay in our bed, comforter pulled tightly up to my chin as I lay there and stare at the empty space beside me. The sound of the rain outside is the only sound filling the quiet air. The dark gray sky and clouds swirling outside as the rain streaks down the window like tears. It’s like the sky decided to cry today because the world misses him too. I close my eyes as the tears slide down my cheeks.

2 years.

2 Years since the accident.

2 years since Max has been gone.

The scenery flew by as we drove down the road. The song on the radio playing as Max pretended to air drum as he tapped along on the steering wheel. His smile infectious as we sang and danced to “This is the day” by: The The

(when I think back on it now… how ironic that this is the song that was playing… because this is the day my world got flipped upside down in an instant)

I laugh as Max sings loudly as he looks over at me as he takes his sunglasses off.

“You ready for this weekend?”

“Beyond ready… you and me… good music… friends… and going back to the place we met… how could I not be ready”

Max smiled as he looked back to the road

“Still the greatest day of my life, you know that? Who would have thought that day would have led to us being together for the last 5 years?”

I smile as I look out at the world passing us by

“Oh I knew right away… love at first sight baby”

Max let out a laugh and a smile as he looked over at me. He knew that was true for the both of us. The second we met each other it was like… like suddenly my life went from black and white to full of color in an instant. From that moment on Max brought so much color into my life. It was beautiful. The life we had together was beautiful.

“While these 5 years have been great… I hope you know I expect forever with you”

“Forever with you sounds like heaven”

The sound of the music was taken over by the sound of screeching tires, shattering glass and then my world went black.

I opened my eyes as the harsh white light of the room I was in bombarded my blurry eyes. Various beeping sounds filled the air as I took a breath and looked around. My eyes landed on my mom. She quickly looks up and lets out a sigh as she grabs my hand. My father stood behind her. I could make out the dark blue of his Naval Uniform. My throat felt drier than a desert as I manage to speak

“Wh..what happened?”

My mother grabs my hand as she looks at me and brushes some of my hair out of my face.

“You were in a car accident sweetie.. you’ve been in a medically induced coma for the last week”

I lay there silently as I blink my eyes. An accident. I try to remember what happened. All I remember is smiling at Max and then nothing.

“Is Max okay?”

My mother turns her head to look back at my father before looking back at me as her grip on my hand tightens.

“honey… Max didn’t survive.. the doctors said he died on impact”

Those are two words that should never be in a sentence together. ‘Max’ and ‘Died’.

Those two words… are the words that drained all the color from my world.

The sound of my phone ringing pulls me back to reality as I wipe the tears from my eyes and glance at the screen. My mothers name is displayed. She’s tried calling twice now. I take a deep breath as I try to sound as normal as possible.

“hi mom…. I’m fine… I’m actually about to head out the door to go to work… Can I call you back later today?... perfect… love you too… bye”

Gizmo shuffles up the bed and lays right next to me as he lets out a soft whine. I put my arm around him as I lay there in bed.

“I know Giz.. I know…”

In reality, I didn’t go to work today. I didn’t move from our bed. I laid there until I had no choice but to get up and try to function like a somewhat normal human being for the rest of the afternoon. My phone kept dinging and dinging. Natasha called and texted. Max’s mom even called… but I eventually just shut it off. I know people think that checking in is what I need today… but in reality what I need is for Max to still be here but we all know that isn’t going to happen.

I find myself sitting in that same damn chair, staring at that same stain on the carpet. A few moments later I hear the same question as always

“How are you doing today Ella?”

I sit there and stare at Darla as she grabs her notebook and pen. The same lie coming out of my mouth.

“I’m doing okay”

She gives me a brief smile as she speaks again

“Today’s a big milestone. It’s been 2 years since the accident”

Milestone. I thought milestones were used to measure happy times. Like a baby walking for the first time. Their 1st birthday. Each year they live… another milestone….. but here we are labeling the years without Max as milestones…

“I know. Still feels like it was yesterday though…”

“2 years is still relatively fresh for a loss like you endured Ella”

I sigh as I look out the window of her office like I usually do watching the rain fall from the sky

“I just… I didn’t think I would still be feeling this deeply after 2 years… It’s making me feel like I’m incapable of moving on”

“You are capable Ella. Progress doesn’t always follow a linear path. It’s okay to still be struggling after 2 years.”

I sigh as I pull my legs up onto the couch as I turn my gaze back onto her

“I feel like I’ve been having more good days than bad… but… I just didn’t think it would hurt this badly to miss him”

Darla’s voice comes out soft as she looks at me

“It’s normal to have good days and bad days. It’s part of the healing process. Loss is never easy, and it’s okay to miss him. It shows that you cared. It shows that the love you two shared was real.”

I sigh as I start picking at the edge of my flannel trying to keep my emotions at bay.

“I know it was real… I just… I don’t know if I subconsciously keep taking 5 steps back in my progress because I’m scared that if I do make progress… it will make it feel less real? That I’ll begin to forget him? That I’ll stop remembering him”

Darla nods as she writes something down in her notebook.

“It’s natural to hold onto the memories and feelings of a loved one that’s passed. But it’s important to remember that moving forward and making progress in your healing doesn’t mean forgetting or erasing the memories. It means honoring his memory and allowing yourself to find peace and happiness in the future.”

“That’s the thing… he was supposed to be my happiness.. my future and now I….”

I look back out the window

“I know, and it’s a devastating loss. But you have to allow yourself to imagine a future without him. You deserve happiness, and he would want you to find peace and joy even without him.”

“I feel like he wouldn’t… I feel like.. I don’t know.. if I find happiness that I’m trying to replace him…”

Darla tilts her head at my response as she continues to pry into my thoughts

“And why do you feel that way?”

“I feel like everything was black and white before… and then Max came along and..”

I cut myself off as I take a deep breath and focus on the rain falling down the window

“and then? Can you tell me more about what happened when Max came along?”

My voice shakes as I feel the lump in my throat form and the tears trying to well up into my eyes

“he… he gave my life color and now I feel like everything’s back to black and white since he died”

“I understand. It’s natural to feel like life has lost its color after such a significant loss. But it’s important to remember that there are still beautiful colors out there waiting for you. Colors that Max would want you to see”

My voice comes out in a shaky whisper

“It’s not going to be the same though”

“No, it won't be the same. Nothing can replace what you had with Max. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t still beauty and happiness out there waiting for you. It doesn’t mean you can’t find new colors in your life even if they are different”

I sit there in silence. I know there’s other colors out there but I don’t want other colors. I only want the colors that Max brought into my life. The lump in my throat grows as I try to keep my tears down

“I had the thought again… of why him and not me… it’s been awhile since I’ve had it”

Darla looks at me as her attention to me piques momentarily

“That thought is common for people grieving a loss. It’s a reflection of the pain and unfairness you’re feeling. I’m glad though that you recognize that you haven’t had that thought in awhile. That shows progress Ella”

“It does?”

A small smile forms on Darla’s face as she looks at me

“Yes it does! The fact that you haven’t thought about it in awhile means that you’re gradually moving forward in your healing process. It shows that you’re slowly letting go of some of the pain and anger associated with the thought. It’s a sign of growth and resilience.”

“It doesn't feel like it.. I feel I’m going to be stuck as the girl who can’t get over her dead boyfriend…”

Darla’s expression softens as her voice softens

“No, that’s not true. You’re not ‘just’ anything. You’re an incredible person who is going through a very difficult time. Two years is still fairly recent in the grieving process, especially for something as significant as a boyfriend, let alone a boyfriend who you spent 5 years of your life with. It’s okay to still be healing, and it’s okay to still be feeling the pain. That doesn’t make you ‘unable to get over him.’ It makes you human. And you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for Ella.”

I sit there in silence as I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I feel the tears begin to well up and fall down my cheeks. Darla sits there quietly for a few moments before speaking up again.

“Take a few deep breaths Ella. Allow yourself the space to feel the emotions that are coming up. You’re doing an incredible job working through this.”

“I just with it didn’t hurt this much to miss him”

“I know. Missing someone you love is one of the hardest things to go through. And the pain can feel unbearable at times. But it’s a testament to the depth of your love and the beautiful connection you shared with Max. It means he was worth every tear and every moment of hurt”

I quickly wipe the tears from my face

“Yeah.. worth every moment”

Darla shifts in her seat as she leans in a little closer to me

“Alright, let’s shift gears a little. Can you tell me a happy memory you have of Max?”

A soft smile forms on my lips despite the tears falling from my eyes

“There’s so many”

“That’s wonderful to hear. Can you share one that stands out a little more than the others?”

I sit there as I shuffle through the countless memories in my head that I have of Max and I before settling on one.

“My birthday 4 years ago… Max decided to get up early and make me my favorite breakfast…..

I rolled over to find the other side of the bed empty which was unusual. Max never woke up before me. I pull the covers back as I swing my legs over the side of the bed. A faint smile appears on my face as I can hear the soft sound of a record playing downstairs. I walked out of the room and stopped at the top of the steps.

“Max-a-million”

“Kitchen my love”

I quickly made my way down the stairs leaning on the doorframe to the kitchen as I watched him pour pancake batter into a hot pan, towel slung over his shoulder. His soft hums fill the kitchen along with the music. He turned his head and greeted me with his million-dollar smile

“one special birthday breakfast coming up for the love of my life”

I smile as I slowly make my way across the kitchen to him as he smiles and wraps his arms around me pulling me into a soft hug placing a kiss to my lips and telling me ‘I love you madly’ before taking my hand and twirling me away from him as he started dancing to the song playing on the record player. Smiles and laughter filled the kitchen as we danced and he sang into the spatula. We were so wrapped up in the moment and each other we both failed to realize that the pancakes in the pan started burning. The homemade breakfast was a bust after that and we ended up going to our favorite café on the beach instead.

“But it turned into us dancing and singing in the kitchen which resulted in him burning the pancakes because we were just so caught up in the moment together. It’s like I can hear his laugh and how he’d always say he loves me madly”

Darla’s smile widens as she listens to me talk about a memory of Max.

“That sounds like a beautiful memory. The carefree laughter, the dance, the love, the burned pancakes. It’s those little moments, those mundane yet special moments, that make us fall in love and feel truly happy isn’t it?”

“He made it so easy to fall in love with him more and more each day”

“That’s what makes the loss of someone we love so difficult. That daily dose of happiness and love suddenly disappears, leaving a void that feels unbearable at times. But it also speaks to the strength of your love – a love that was deep, intense and beautiful. It must have been incredible to experience that kind of connection with Max.”

“Those 5 years were the most incredible years of my life… and it was because of him”

“It sounds like you two had something truly special. To have a relationship that brought you so much happiness and fulfilled you in every way is a rare find. It speaks to the depth of his love for you, and yours for him. Do you think anything will ever compare?”

I look down at my hands as I whisper out my response as I feel my emotions bubbling up again.

“no”

Darla sets her notebook down and leans forward in her chair

“I’m going to ask you something, and you don’t have to answer  if you don’t feel ready. But I want to explore this topic a little further. When you say nothing will ever compare, how does that make you feel?”

I take a deep breath as I try to think of a word to describe how I feel

“Devastated I guess”

“It’s understandable to feel devastated by the thought that no one will ever compare to Max. It’s a painful realization to come to terms with. Can I ask you another question?”

“Sure”

“Sometimes, in the wake of a significant loss, we can develop what is known as ‘catastrophic thinking’. It’s when we start to think in black and white, all or nothing terms. Have you ever found yourself thinking that you’ll never find love like you did with Max again?”

“Yes.. all the time” I wipe a tear from my cheek as I look at Darla. Of course I think that. How could I ever find someone to love me like Max did. Why would I want to find someone new. Max was my once in a lifetime love.

“It's a normal part of the grieving process to have these fears and doubts. It’s the mind’s way of trying to protect itself from further pain. But it can be a limiting belief that can keep us from fully healing and moving forward. Can I share something with you?”

“Of course”

“When we say things like ‘nobody will ever compare to Max’ or ‘I’ll never love like this again,’ we are not only limiting our own future but also, in a small way, limiting Max’s memory. Love isn’t stagnant, it’s fluid, and it can change and grow in unexpected ways. Do you think Max would want you to live the rest of your life alone thinking nobody will ever measure up?”

“No… he’d probably tell me to find someone who puts color into my world like he did”

I look up at Darla as she smiles at my answer

“That’s exactly right. He’d want you to find joy and love again. We often think about honoring the dead through rituals or momentos, but true honor comes in living a life that they’d be proud of. Do you think he’d be proud of you if you spend the rest of your life closed off to the possibility of loving and being loved again?”

“No… he wouldn’t”

“Exactly. By keeping yourself trapped in a black and white perspective, you're not allowing yourself the chance to experience the fullness of life again. The ‘color’ metaphor you used before is very relevant here. Max gave your life color. Maybe it’s time for you to let other colors back in. It doesn’t mean replacing Max or forgetting him. It means making room in your heart for new experiences and new love”

“But I feel like I’m not ready for ‘new color’ in my life”

“That’s completely understandable Ella. You’ve been through a significant loss, and it’s okay to feel like you’re not ready yet. Grieving takes time and it’s different for everyone. But remember, the point isn’t to replace or move on from Max. It’s about allowing your heart to expand. Maybe instead of looking at it as ‘new color’, think of it as ‘additional color.’ It doesn’t erase or diminish what you had with Max. It just adds to the beautiful palette of your life.”

I look back out the window at the gray sky swirling as the rain stops falling as I mumble,

“Additional Color…”

“Yes, additional color. It’s like adding a new shade to a painting without changing the original picture. That way, you’re not replacing Max or what you had, but you’re expanding on it. It’s about having space in your heart for new love and new experiences that are just as beautiful and worthwhile, even if they might not bring the same exact feeling or color that Max did. Does that make sense?”

“So essentially I’m just adding onto the colors Max has already given me”

“Exactly Ella. You’re not replacing or erasing Max’s colors from your heart. You’re not removing anything. You’re just adding more colors, potentially even brighter and richer than what you had before. It’s not about forgetting or moving on, but expanding your capacity to love and experience life fully, just as Max would want you to”

“That makes sense…”

Darla leans back into her chair before picking her notebook backup and writing a few things down

“So, it’s not a case of ‘nobody will ever compare to Max.’ Rather, it’s a case of ‘nobody will ever bring the exact same color as Max, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other beautiful colors out there that can add to my life in a different, but equally meaningful way.’ Can you see how that perspective might help ease the catastrophic thinking pattern you have?”

I nod my head as I see Darla glance at the clock before looking back at me.

“That’s wonderful. It’s important to remember that the purpose of therapy is growth, not just fixing things. And by challenging your catastrophic thinking, you’re showing a lot of strength. Can I give you some homework for the next time we meet?”

I nod my head yes as I put my feet back down onto the floor from the couch as Darla looks at me

“I’d like you to keep a journal between now and our next session. Every day, I want you to write down something beautiful, something that brings a bit of joy or color into your day. It could be a simple moment, like a bird singing outside your window, or something more significant, it doesn’t matter. The point is to practice focusing on the beauty and positives in life. Can you do that?

“I can do that”

“Excellent. I believe it will help you slowly start shifting your mindset towards a more positive and hopeful future. Is there anything else you like to talk about before we end our session today?”

“Not that I can think of… I think I’ve had enough for today…”

Darla puts her notebook back down before sliding forward in her chair and placing her hand on my knee in a comforting way

“That’s completely understandable. It can be overwhelming to go through these heavy topics, and it’s important to know when to take a break. I’m proud of you for being open and honest today Ella. Start that journal exercise and I will see you in a few weeks”

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. My phone dinging on the bedside table drawing me out from my thoughts. I see a text from Natasha

-Hey, I hope today was okay for you. You never called back and I understand but know I’m here if you need me… You’re coming out with me Saturday night. No excuses…

-okay

I felt bad for ignoring her all day but if anyone understands that I just want to be alone it’s Natasha. I lay there thinking about my therapy session today and her suggestion on letting ‘additional color’ into my life. It’s going to be damn near impossible to find any kind of color remotely close to the colors Max gave me… or so I thought… 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 3 coming!

Jake makes his appearance in the next chapter!!!

If you want to be added to the tag list shoot me a message!

[diminuel]

I see “RA treats Croc like their collective husband” and I raise you “Cross Guild adopts Dragon on accident”

At first Dragon seems cocky and annoying and like he takes up too much of Crocodile’s time but its pretty funny so Mihawk and Buggy tolerate it.

And then Dragon says something he thinks is pretty innocuous about his family/Garp and Mihawk and Buggy are looking at him in HORROR. Crocodile’s a little. Numb to Monkey family angst. But Buggy is the sea son of Roger and Rayleigh and Mihawk is maybe the bio son of Rayleigh and Shakky so they have like? Normal? High? Good? Expectations of a father-son relationship?

And then the follow up questions keep coming

And its all stiff like. When Buggy was a little boy and got scared at night Roger would come and sit with him until he fell asleep (sometimes roger just fell asleep with the boys). When Mihawk was little and too nervous to sleep Shakky would read to him until he fell asleep (he was like. 4) and then carry him to bed.

When Dragon was too scared to sleep because he was on an active Naval vessel that absolutely could be attacked at any time and he was without a doubt the highest-value ransom target — he would either be assigned night-shift work/drills (he’s 4) or Garp would demand he be left in an even DARKER, SMALLER room to ‘build strength’ and then he’d get yelled at all day the next day for being exhausted.

All I can think of is that Garp is fighting John Winchester for dad of the year award X3 I mean:

SAM: When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45. DEAN: Well, what was he supposed to do? SAM: I was nine years old! He was supposed to say, don't be afraid of the dark. DEAN: Don't be afraid of the dark? Are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark. You know what's out there.

X'D

But yes, I guess Cross Guild could let Dragon be a honorary member because he's clearly fucked up enough for it (even though Dragon would disagree. He's perfectly normal and well-adjusted.)