#mywriitng

[thesewordsaremymusings]

“I want to take my heart off my sleeve, it has grown too heavy.”

-m.n.

[mirrorworld12]

I have this gaping hole inside me that seems to get bigger with each passing moment. I don't know when did it start taking so much space inside of me but nowadays all I can feel is its presence. Everything else has become too small. Most of the time I am busy wrapping my head around the hollowness I feel. My soul keeps hiding in corners of my own body. Maybe it is scared of getting lost in the darkness this hollowness brings. Nights are too long to sleep away. Most of the time I am wide awake hearing the noise my loneliness make. The path I had chosen is taking me towards the unknown. I don't know if I should continue or keep on walking. For now, all I can say is fear is taking over my being. I might end up surviving this or I might end up living it for a few seconds and then getting lost forever. Whatever it brings I hope I become peace at the end.

Ayana Arora

[cripplingthoughts11]

For the first time in a long time, my head is above the water and I can finally breathe.

[rxses4regrets]

“this used to be easy”

-

at what point did we have it figured out?

the entire time there was talk of a future but we were living in it (at least u were)

i thought i’d remain two steps back while u pushed away in front of me

it was the pedestal i had u on, the one i built like a ladder in a overstocked library…u know the ones with the wheels on them?

when there was discourse n i would lose words in my head i let u climb tht ladder n find them for me

as always you’d want to put the wrong words in my mouth

so…at what point was this all figured out?

when the weight of this crumbling foundation laid waste on my brittle spine

i built this pink teapot in my imagination, n i filled it with the seeds of longing love n sinking moments for keepsakes, i let them bloom bright n vibrant enough so u can climb in the new home i made for u inside my head

u could frolic to your hearts content

it just felt nice to be whole again, to have my ribs n spine intact

to have some sort of solid grasp on your hands, your skin as soft as i remember it

did we have it all figured out?

because now you’re sad again n i’m brushing fall leaves off my front porch to make room for your feet again and the winter snow

but here’s the thing…u don’t know me anymore, u live inside the home in my head but we’re strangers

i don’t want this to melt through my hands again

so promise me that interaction won’t be so hot because at your first words i’m bound to overheat like a car radiator

i fucking swear this used to be easy, it wasn’t always that bad

so…why are you so sad?

[slo7iii]

[happilysad-xx]

you can’t continue to set yourself on fire for people who only wanted to see you turn to ash.

-not everyone got you like they say they do

[rain-diary]

[hazelmoon-angel]

I read today true growth comes when there’s a storm inside and you can stay still and wait for the calm.

My life seems to go in circles, a revolving motion of lessons I must keep learning until I get the point.

I’ve learned to care about original things, progress not regression. Someone told me today my expectations keep changing. I realized that’s ok. I’m learning who I am and what I value and what I want.

I will not scream and cry and pretend I have any control over the weather, only who I am when all the storms settle.

[thesewordsaremymusings]

“I loved you back then, and I’m so proud that I can admit it now.”

-m.n. | “It took me 25 years, but I finally have perspective now, and it’s beautiful.”

[mirrorworld12]

Next time when your heart gives up and you just want to lay down and dream of the life you wanted, find me. I will give you a piece of the sky I think I own. Find me, I will try to present you the little rain I have stored. Look for me, I will open a jar of sunshine that I have kept underneath my bed. A hollow world may awaits for all of us but I will not let you walk alone.

[cripplingthoughts11]

With you, almost was worth it.

- D.M Muller

[shades-of-sof]

Dear ••••

I loved you, not more than friends. I trusted you, thought of you like family. Family doesn’t do what you did. You’ll never be forgiven, I’ll just forget. You weren’t very original when it came to hurting me, you were better at keeping a secret. Here’s one I kept from you, I told my past, but never my present. You became too caught up with yourself to stop and smell the coffee. But you didn’t even realize You spilt it on yourself, only until you got burned.

It’s people like you that make kind people cold hearted. You just kept taking and taking, like spoiled child. You never expected me to leave you so quickly. I was cruel; I know. You’ll never admit what you did was wrong. That’s just how liars function, like the clowns that pull the colorful rope from their throats; never ending.

I’ll be fine without you. To me, now? You’re just plastic, recyclable. I’ll find someone new, and when I do. You’ll be far gone from my memory.

I don’t hope for bad, but I’m not hoping for good either.

Yours truly,

*****

[aubreeno]

Night Shift Gothic

The automatic doors open. Don't turn around to greet whatever walked in until you count to three. Bad luck not to.

The clock in the register seems stuck. It was 10:48 six minutes ago right?

Be polite! When ringing up the souls of the living you must be polite. Manners are crucial for the late shift.

The young couple that just walked in were carrying a baby basket. You think the baby was not a baby it all. After all the blanket did growl.

The lights don't stay on in the back room. Clock in and out quick.

Don't come around to counter to ring up a customer until you ask them. Don't.

Smile. Smile so much you can't remember why you would ever frown.

The uniform is unflattering at best but learing eyes think other wise. Make sure you shut that cabinet behind the counter.

Don't forget to Smile.

Sharp teeth and bitter eyes are the norm.

Leg pain builds character.

The doors. Don't. Look. At. The. Doors.

Smile.

It's 10:49.

Eleven more minutes. You hoped.

Eleven more minutes to what?

It's a bit odd how the total keeps ringing up with $6.66. Must be a sale on.

When calling to the back make sure intercom is off. Don't want the customers to hear the manager.

No one is allowed to speak to the manager.

No one.

Smile!

[pulsing-ink]

You know, I was doing just fine. Sure the water was starting to boil over a little, and there were some plants that needed watering. I'll be the first to admit that the dust was getting too thick and the floors needed mopping. I was just going to take the trash out, I really was getting around to it. Things were messy, but I had a handle on it. Everything was okay.

Until you barged in. You with your sugary smugness and electrifying nonchalance, your goofy veneer of wit and laughter. It was as if you hadn't even been gone, like the place was yours and nothing had changed. You noticed the new curtains and the different shade of paint on the walls, complimented them even, as if I had asked. You took from the fridge and wiped your muddy boots all over the floors. You had the nerve to light a goddamn match and enjoy a fat cigar. You filled my vision with thick plumes until I couldn't breathe, laughed when I couldn't find the strength to speak. And then you left.

Now everything is on fire, everything is up in flames and collapsing all around me.

I was doing fine.

Why did you have to come back and destroy it all over again?

[endlessprogression]

Maybe God's not Worthy of me

Maybe god got lost while trying to find me,

and as I scream his name in hopes that it'll be the beacon that helps him find his way,

it only forces my voice to go hoarse,

transforming my screams into murmurs,

murmurs into cries wedged in between pain,

the combination creates hymns that only go as far as a whisper.

Tears fall down as I sing his name.

No longer do I have a voice,

yet my lips still move,

hoping that the soft push of air

will be enough to compel a wind so strong

that it will shift the current of his body towards me,

and that he will finally be in reach to save me.

But my voice is not strong enough,

and maybe I'm not worthy of his presence so he purposely walks in the opposite direction,

ignoring my suffering while I only live for his praise,

so maybe I'm beneath him,

and he only sees me as a defect, scarred, imperfect--god's mistake.

And even though I call him father,

He's abandoned me,

So maybe I should forsake him

and grow into a being more powerful than god,

so that he could appreciate my value as he bows down to me,

and maybe I'll humble him by forcing him to get on his knees and wash my feet.

For though I only desire his love,

maybe the journey to that is his defeat.

And if I ever was to takeover his seat,

Dare I say that I'd be a better god than He.

Dare I say that I'd be a father, worthy of his seed.

[thesecretroot]

On page 142 of the next volume - real progress! Can’t wait for all of you to read this....