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can't decide between steam or switch port~~ help~~?
I can't decide between PC slime rancher and Switch slime ranacher~~ they're the same game, but idk which platform is better~~
probably the PC cause it seems less laggy to me, only problem, and that can be fixed, is me being used to the switch controls and the A and B buttons and x and y buttons on the xbox controller (or logitech one but still xbox model tbh) is backwards, I could always just set steam to use nintendo button layout and problem solved~~
but my setup sucks~~ and idk how or if I can zoom in on text in the game on the fly like on the switch~~ kinda need to do that.
also is there a difference in the wilds in the two versions?
I finally died in the wilds~~ got swamped by feral slimes while trying to suck up a kookadoba fruit~~
admittedly cried about it for an hour~~ idk if it was that or just anxiety and stress catching up to me rather than that tho~~ feel like I'm really bad at the game now~~
are the fruits unripe on the switch version compared to PC/steam?
and you can mod the game on PC~~ but idk the legitimacy of that or how to do it at all~~ some of them look cool~~ but I don't want to install a mod and have it brick my game or ban me from steam or something~~
can mods ban you from steam if you mod a game you downloaded and bought from there?
but ye~~
might restart my games over again~~ why? idk~~ I'll need to do all of the stuff again~~ and I'm farther on the switch, lol.
need a new and better gaming setup tbh~~ no room for a desk and working with what I have~~
TLDR; which version of slime rancher is better? used to switch controls and can fix that with settings in steam big picture mode. Is there a way of magnification of the screen on the fly so I can read smaller text like I can on the switch? (it's just hit home button twice and adjust, hit twice again to zoom out to normal)
is there a difference in the kookadoba fruit or food ripeness in general on the switch vs pc/steam?
cause on switch it seems to take forever to pick up a kookadoba fruit~~ just sitting there while flinging feral slimes away and it's not getting vacced up~~~ why~~?
and can modding get you in trouble with steam? some of them look cool but I don't want to get in trouble with anyone~~
how to mod slime rancher if it's ok to do~~? how do ? all I saw was nexus mods and you need an account to download anything T_T;;
pros of PC: big screen, wide array of controllers to choose, possibility for higher graphics~~ may be more~~ only con so far is on a last save, I fell through the ranch ground twice~~ hope that doesn't happen again~~
edit: nvm about the button layout being different on switch as opposed to xbox controller~~ everything is the same except A and B as accept and back are reversed, and switching steam to use nintendo format makes slime rancher's game controls backwards for me~~ and it's weird~~ get used to one controller format, then the other screws you up until you relearn it, lol
#personal#thoughts#thinking#game#games#video game#slime rancher#nintendo switch#steam#pc#pc gaming#is there a difference#in the two versions#at all?#the kookadoba seem really hard to suck up on switch#idk why#I finally died there trying to get a fruit#made me really sad and feel I suck at the game#farther on switch version tho#might restart anyway#which version is better?#can I use zoom on the fly?#like I can on the switch?#my vision is bad and I need bigger text#or what about modding is it ok to do?#they look cool but idk how to mod and am scared to try#question#questions#please help
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In ur version, does Batman or Superman even approve of Kon and Tim being together?
Lol sorry Iâm sure you intended this as an art prompt but instead I used it as a silly little writing exercise.
Clark Kent (Daily Planet) »
Hi! Do you have a moment to chat?
« Bruce Wayne
That depends.
Clark Kent (Daily Planet) »
On what?
« Bruce Wayne
On the subject matter, Clark Kent, Daily Planet Reporter.
Clark Kent (Daily Planet) »
Shoot. hang on
Superman (Justice League) »
Hi! Do you have a moment to chat?
« B
How many times a day does that happen
Just tell me. I can take it
Superman (Justice League) »
Not⊠that manyâŠ
« B
How many records are we scrubbing.
This week.
Superman (Justice League) »
Listen
You are the one who chose to make secret phones that are identical to normal phones
I donât know what you were expecting
« B
Itâs precautionary. In case they get lost.
Theyâre not identical. The Batcellâs haptic interface hardware is superior to the iPhoneâs.
Slightly bigger too.
0.3mm.
Superman (Justice League) »
Iâll refrain from the obvious comment
But know I am thinking it
« B
So thereâs a visual difference.
You have x-ray vision.
Superman (Justice League) »
If you think Iâm going to x-ray my phone to figure out if the haptic interface software is 0.3mm larger than an iPhones every single time I need to send a text you are nuts
Thatâs you
« B
Learning memes are we.
Superman (Justice League) »
Thatâs not a meme. Itâs a reaction image
I think
« B
Doesnât a reaction image have to be sent in reaction to something? By definition?
Superman (Justice League) »
I dont know.
« B
I donât either.
Superman (Justice League) »
Okay.
« B
You said you wanted to chat?
Superman (Justice League) »
Yes
And let me just preface this with:
I am about to tell you something and I need you to be, with all due respect, so normal about it
« B
Jesus fucking Christ, what happened?
Superman (Justice League) »
Nothing!! bad
Nothing bad
« B
Where are you? Can you call?
Superman (Justice League) »
Ok calm down, Iâm fine, everything is fine
I can theoretically call but I think this is the kind of thing youâre going to want to sit with, on your own, for a second
Maybe 30 full seconds actually. Maybe sit for 30 full seconds before taking any action
« B
Kal El, I am catastrophizing at the speed of sound.
Superman (Justice League) »
Then I bet it will be such a huge relief to learn that all Im going to say is I have it on good authority that Superboy has something to tell you, and normally I would never breach his trust like this, but again: I cannot emphasize enough that I need you to be so, so normal. When he tells you. Which I have reason to believe he will, imminently
« B
Alfred has just informed me that Superboy is on the doorstep.
On the doorstep, Kal.
Of my home.
Superman (Justice League) »
Huh!
« B
Heâs asked to speak with me in the parlor.
âIn the parlor.â Quote.
I forgot we had one of those.
What is this.
Superman (Justice League) »
Well
I think thereâs a chance Kon is about to be very, very brave, to your face
Andâkeep in mind Iâm saying this as someone who thinks the world of you and has boundless trust and faith in your ability to be kind, selfless, and acceptingâ
If he doesnt leave that house with a smile on his face and a spring in his step I will ruin your life.
« B
Jesus.
I know youâre only threatening me because of that, thing I said. Last time.
And yet, itâs still effective.
Superman (Justice League) »
« B
Yeah.
Superman (Justice League) »
Yeah?
« B
Yeah.
Superman (Justice League) »
:)
« B
:)
I have to go meet your kid. âIn the parlorâ
Superman (Justice League) »
Be nice :)
« B
I will.
I know what heâs going to say anyway.
Superman (Justice League) »
Oh?
« B
He, and coincidentally also Robin, needs to work on his situational awareness.
With an emphasis on remembering to scan the environment for CCTV cameras.
Superman (Justice League) »
Ok to be fair there are a lot of cameras these days
« B
The incident in question took place on the rooftop of Wayne Tower.
Superman (Justice League) »
I see.
« B
Yeah.
Superman (Justice League) »
Yeah.
Unrelatedly are you coming over later?
« B
So you can ruin my life?
Yes.
Superman (Justice League) »
See you then :)
« B
Yes.
Wait.
Itâs not weird now thatâŠ?
Superman (Justice League) »
Holidays may get awkward but Iâm sure we will all cope.
« B
Okay.
:)
Superman (Justice League) »
Tell Kon I said hi!
« B
I will.
*
« B
Hey itâs Batman. I fucked up.
Superman (Justice League) »
What??
« B
Not with Konâs thing. That went fine. But we kept talking and I mayh ave let something slip and Iâd liek to apologize in advance bc I htink heâs on the way
Superman (Justice League) »
Kons at my window???
« B
Sorry.
Superman (Justice League) »
I will ruin your life!!!!!
« B
Nuts.
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Maybe Embry x f!reader where r was foced to ask for Embryâs number as a dare by her friends but he ends up imprinting??
Love it â€ïž send me more request!!
Alright guys my eyes are not focused but I was inspired. My autocorrect is so nuts too. Please forgive my typos.
Dare- Embry x imprint
âOkay Y/N! Truth or dare?â You spent the better part of the evening over good junk food and playing games with your old girlfriends from high school. Most have went off to college either in Seattle or out of state. You completed your degree online with a partial paid internship. It was a real job with real responsibilities, including your future college credit that depended on your success.
Right now itâs the fall semester break and the wine is out. Sitting at Rachel Blackâs house for the big sleepover, Jacob and his friends Embry and Quil pass through on their way to play video games. Okay did they look any different to anyone else? Much taller, a heck of a lot more muscles and strength, but the best part? You couldnât help but notice and drool on the inside to how hot they looked. You were a year above Jacob so you knew the guys.
âHurry Y/N pick before we give you something crazy!!â Believe it or not my friends would actually do that⊠you picked dare which was a mistake. You were barely older than him but you felt obsolete and small compared to Embry. You had a crush on him for a few years but he seemed so unapproachable now. âFine Iâll do it jeezz.â
You take your time, but your feet felt like they were moving faster than intended. Knocking on Jacobâs door, you are asked to enter. As Jacob expected a message relay from Rachel or his dad, instead he was surprised to see you at his bedroom door. You walked past Jacob after a quick hello and went to sit on the bed by Embry. He was sitting this round of video games out, perfect opportunity for you to ask for his number. Receiving weird looks from the guys, they slowly returned back to the activities before your arrival. Sitting next to Embry you turn and say hello. As you decided to lay it out, you tell Embry of the stupid truth or dare, but he canât hear you. You are a distant mumble to the vision of his life that is running in his brain.
He imprinted. He was a wolf without a known dad who gave him all this lovely crap. Now he is shocked that he was gifted an imprint. He didnât think he would be so lucky considering he didnât even know which genetic line he descended from. The world that flashed before his eyes was the dreams that inspire Disney fairytales.
Dancing in a white dress to your song, throwing the garter and bouquet. The honey moon, the baby (surprise), the break up and co parenting. The pain, without a hint to why so Embry canât avoid it. He will only have to face it, but what he sees next is the will to push through the bad.
The baby is a little bigger. Time passed. The make up, the recommitment, the initials carved in a tree, the IVF after health complications, the triplets surprise. Another two kids after them- yeah Embry wanted a large family since he never had a dad. He wants a full life with a big family surrounding him. He will be granted that wish. Some days he might want to quit, but through his vision he can see itâs all worth it with more joy than he can comprehend at this moment in time.
Your hospital stay from the accident with a drunk driver. The days he didnât know if you would live. The coming home and walking just fine. His broken bones on his last phase and battle. Growing old again. Weddings for children and grand babies but he blinked and he saw your smile asking for his number.
Fumbling he ask to trade phones.
You smiled and said although it was a dare, you are glad it happens.
Rachel is Paulâs imprint so she understands, but she warns Embry to watch himself and protect you. You might be fierce but you are an emotional wreck at times and need his love more than air.
Phone calls, text, FaceTime, falling asleep to his snores through the other line. He started sneaking into your room at night knowing text was not enough anymore. He couldnât sleep without wrapping you in his arms to know you are protected.
Truth or dare Embry- he gets asked on the next girls night a few months later. He was just passing through the kitchen and was caught by the game.
Truth. âYour favorite memory?â
Oh thatâs easy- the night you picked dare and stole my heart forever. Kissing your forehead he smirks, whispering an I love you, and heads off to game night with Jacob and Quil.
#twilight#request#wolf pack#embry call#twilight fanfiction#twilight wolfpack#embry call x reader#jacob black#quil ateara#paul lahote
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i love star wars time travel fix-it as much as the next guy, but we need to be thinking bigger! none of this âclone wars obiwan goes back to his childhoodâ nonsense, letâs see how far we can rocket some unsuspecting force sensitive back in time
now, iâm not familiar with anything outside of movies/tv shows, so someone else could probably rocket them further, but i wanna send like rey, freshly skywalkerâd, back to like pre jaster mereelâs death. yes i want her to be like 10 and feral and adopted by jaster. because heâs my favorite and i said so.
so sheâs just standing there with her yellow lightsaber that is now far too big for her child hands, suddenly she has a shiny new buir and an eight year old brother that seems vaguely familiar??? like his name rings a bell?? but what could this little kid possibly do that would have such an effect on galactic history that she would know of him like 90ish years in the future???
so basically reyâs wracking her brain for that one pre-imperial history class she took that one time for anything useful she can do to help save the future. all sheâs able to come up with is pretty much âpalpatine badâ. rey would totally just go off on her own to kill him (and make sure he stays dead, the crafty bitch), but jaster seems strangely reluctant to let his ten year old daughter take a ship by herself to assassinate an extremely small-time politician from a peaceful world without any sort of explanation.
but regardless, rey kinda just ends up butterfly-effecting stuff as she grows up a little bit. like preventing jasterâs death and galidraan. in turn, leading to jango not building his revenge army and a generally more stable mandalore system, maybe?? all the while, sheâs is getting some sick mando training and super cool armor, like any self-respecting jedi-adopted-by-mandalorians would.
actually, at galidraan, reyâs able to meet up with some jedi for the first time! hooray! dookuâs not quite sure what to do with this strange, unknown, armored, force sensitive teen with a weird, jerry-rigged lightsaber.
rey takes this opportunity to lay out every bad thing palpatine has done/will do in the most incoherent way possible. when asked how she knows this, rey panics and answers that the force told her so. unbeknownst to her, this is actually a completely valid answer to give these jedi masters, and the incoherence of her explanation made it seem even more plausible to be a string of confusing force visions, rather than being completely made up. the masters, particularly dooku, promise to look into the possibility of a sith and ask rey if sheâd like to come to the temple with them.
she, of course, goes âyes, absolutely! iâll go tell buir and jango that weâll all take a trip to coruscant together!â and the masters just grimace and go âyeah for sure thatâs definitely what we meantâ
they go to the temple, and amongst talks about the sith, and jaster just having a delightful time in the jedi archives (rey has a delightful time too, just think of how master skywalker would react to all these jedi texts!), rey gets to meet a preteen obiwan! fresh off of child soldier-ing on melida/daan! heâs a little traumatized at the moment, but rey is just so excited to finally recognize a historical figure other than her shitty grandpa. she then obviously latches onto little obiwan and like. vibes with him. obiwan is a little baffled by this cool older mandalorian teen that seemingly wants to be his best friend, but heâll take all the friends he can get after the stressful few months heâs had. rey scares off anyone (padawan, knight, or master) who might give obiwan any shit for melida/daan related stuff. or just anyone that gives him any shit at all.
eventually, palpatine is arrested for tax fraud. he actually is pretty new at the whole âsith machinationsâ thing at this point, so he didnât hide his simple tax fraud very well and after his arrest, the jedi are able to get him for the more sith-y crimes. so then the jedi go on the hunt for the sith master.
while they do all that, rey is able to go back to mandalorian space with jaster and jango, making sure to have weekly holo-calls with obiwan and his friends. rey may really miss all her friends and the whole support system she left behind in the future, but sheâs got a pretty good support system here as well. hopefully because of her, those friends she left behind in the future will be able to live full, free, and peaceful lives.
#i kinda half wanna make finn go back in time with her#just for the excellent sibling shenanigans#i donât actually think it would change much other than just âfinnâs there too!â#which is honestly very fun#so you can imagine heâs there too#star wars#fanfic#rey star wars#rey skywalker#time travel#time travel fix it#jaster mereel#jango fett#count dooku#obi wan kenobi#finn star wars#forg post
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How I think different natural disasters (a long with other forms of severe weather) affect the states cuz why not:
Wildfires/fires in general (not house fires tho @simpyfrog i was mostly joking about that lol. Pls give me my fire privileges back pls pls pls-)
They will get burns all over their body, and the worse the fire, the worse the burns. Also the bigger the fire, the bigger the burns. The West (+Texas) have the worst burns/burn scars. Also sometimes breathing is a no and they will choke on smoke. And their vision will be kinda blurry and from the outside their eyes will look a bit cloudy (how cloudy depends on the amount of smoke).
Earthquakes:
Balance is a no. The state affected will be VERY shaky and be in a lot of pain. Along with bruising, they will have a long gash across their back. Alaska and California have the worst of this.
Severe Thunderstorms:
The states don't get too affected by them, but sometimes they will receive a big enough shock from the lightning that they get knocked out and are left with some burns that look like lightning streaks. Also sometimes if there is power outages, let's take Texas for example, he wont be able to use certain electric things, such as light switches, microwaves, electric stoves, ect...(tho he found a way around it and wears leather gloves if he needs too). Also, I'm gonna do a silly and say that they can shock people to tease them.
Hurricanes:
Throwing up water, sometimes blood. The state will be very cold and kinda clammy and will feel like they are drowning. They will be VERY dizzy and throw up a lot. They will most likely pass out at some point and wake up covered in bruises, lightning-strike burns, some cuts, and other various small injuries. Florida, Louisiana, Texas, and basically any Gulf Coast state has had the worst of these. (Texas and Loui tho- the Google machine told me that Galveston, Harvey and Katrina were the most costly ones-)
Tornado
Dizzy yes. Balance no. The affected state will be covered in bruises (the bigger the damaged area, the bigger the bruise.). Blurry vision and a migraine also will occur. Texas, Oklahoma, and the Midwest have the worst of these (Tornado Alley).
Acid Rain:
Again, they don't really get too affected by this, they will just have some pretty rough looking burns. NY (haha this fool thought he would be safe from me-), NH, VT, and ME have the worst burn scars from this.
Dust Storms:
I don't have much for this one lol. Im thinking grainy-feeling skin and a really really dry throat, but I don't really have anything else.
Heat waves:
Fever, a lot of sweating, and dizziness that can lead to passing out. Texas, Loui, and Sippi are currently getting BAKED and not in the good way :(
==========================================
(Now take some weather quote thingys (â ââ âąâ áŽâ âąâ ââ )
~
(During the Great Galveston Hurricane)
Gov, coming to check on Texas: Hey Texas are you doing alright?
Texas:*looks like he's gonna throw up* Y-Yes. Don't worry about me.
Gov: *not believing him* Are you sure?
Texas: Y-yea-*throws up a bunch of water*
Gov: Thought so.
~
California walking downstairs to get some water during an earthquake:
California: *proceeds to fill down the stairs and lay there for 15 minutes*
~
(after a really bad acid rain)
Mass: New York get yer ass outta the tree and let me take care of the burns before they get infected!!
NY: No f*ck off!! They don't even hurt!!
Mass: You were literally on the verge of tears, moron!! So quit lyin' and get down here right now!!
NY: No go take care of NH and VT!!
Mass: I already did, and they weren't as damn stubborn as you're being right now!! *has already texted Texas to come get him out of the tree*
NY: I don't give a sh*t how stubborn they were!! Also I ain't stubborn-*screams when two arms randomly grab him from behind*
Texas: *is now holding him captive* Yes you are. You are a stubborn little Yankee.
NY: Texas you damn traitor!! Let me go!!!
Texas: No can do, partner. Yer comin' down and letting yer brother help ya. He's gonna be gentle, so calm down!!
NY: *sigh-whine* I give up....
Texas: Atta boy.
~
(during a fire)
Cali: Hehe. âšarsonâš
~
(during Katrina)
Loui: I'm fine sha.
Florida: *hugging him close* Sir no you most definitely are not!! You are way too cold-
Loui: *throws up blood and water* Uh sorry bout dat sha...
Florida: And you're sick, mi amor!! Go to bed right now!!
Loui: B-but-
Florida: No buts!! Bed. Now. I will drag you there if I have to-
Loui: *passes tf out*
Florida: GODDANGIT-
~
(during the heatwave that is currently killing us all-)
Gov: *walks into Texas's room and sees Louisiana passed tf out, Sippi on the verge of it, and Texas just laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling and contemplating on playing Russian roulette with a pistol*
Gov: *walks back out*
~
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Genshin impact food size
pink text: me saying something
I was playing Genshin with my friend when I noticed that the eggs are as big, probably even bigger than the cherecters's feet. That led me to the idea that the food size of Teyvat is a lot bigger than that in our world.
Isekai
Assuming it's not impostor au or cult au, it wouldn't matter if the person who is Isekaid is The Creator or just a normal player.
I think that the Isekai victim will be overwhelmed by the size of the meals and even the bug's size.
For example if they went to, for example Good Hunter and they ordered food, they would have to take most of it home since they can't eat a lot of food. And for example one meal in Genshin is the size of three or two meals in our world.
Like this, they could save mora on food and if there are refrigerators, (which i don't think they have, but instead they use eader a cryo vision, if they have one, eader mist flower corolla essence, which they put above the food) btw mist flower corolla essence doesn't exist but only mist flower corolla exists and just buy a normal meal and store it like that until it eader goes bad, or they finish the food.
Reverse Isekai
If the characters just randomly get teleported and the usual reverse Isekai stuff happens but the characters would need more food than is considered normal to eat per sitting and the person who they get teleported in's house would have to work more and more depending on how much characters get teleported. That sounds like a potential angst about how someone or the characters eader strve forn hunger or they overworke themselves so they can but more food.
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A starting point Pt. 1
While Mikhail and Niko went on their small visit, Lorelei tried to sort out things on her end. It was already hard enough that looking for Mikhail took over a month. Now, things were made harder with the fact that Lorelei didn't have any leads on what to do. She'd gotten Mikhail and Niko to see the bigger picture at least, but that was it. She had no idea how to contact the other people Maria had been scouting. Lore was truly at a loss đź.
Knock, knock. Lore finished turning on the washing machine then went to answer the door. Min-ho stood there with a smile on his face.
Lore: nods for him to come in Did you smell my blood boiling with confusion?
Min: Kinda. walks in I could probably hear you thinking from here.
Lore: Well, you're right. Wanna think with me?
Min: I think better with music. You got something to play?
Lore: Hmm, would you like what I listen to?
Min: We'll see. Surprise me đ
Lore puts on the player https://youtu.be/18zTOaTENLA?si=4W9hNS-OfsXBHUn4
Min: Ok I can definitely think with this.
The pair start dancing while chatting.
Min: So. What's on your mind?
Lore: I thought you'd be at your club at this time.
Min: Heh. I do have caretakers, you know. The break is appreciated.
Lore: Fair. So. We're here, home alone and bored. Sure you don't have any tricks up your sleeve? đ
Min: Should be asking yourself that, heh.
Lore was trying to focus on dancing, but she couldn't take her eye off Min-ho's moves. Maybe cuz he was a club owner, he'd learnt some moves. Either that or he had training, but damn he could move. She hoped he didn't catch sight of her licking her lips đŹ.
Min: Earth to Than! You there?
Lore: Oh, yeah. Sorry, your tats are just so interesting. Or I guess they're marks, right? Min: Haha, yes they're marks. You keep staring at them.
Lore: Ok, sorry pokes her tongue out
Min: Ha. shakes his arms out a bit So, you found the other people your mum herded up?
Lore: Sadly no. I could ask you to help but I don't know what they look like.
Min: That's too bad. So I guess you're stuck until inspiration hits?
Lore: Yeah- ding! Lore checks her phone. It's a text from Morgyn to meet at a set of coordinates. Well, maybe Mr Goody-Two-Shoes Caster will offer some insight.
Oh, he could offer way more than insight. Morgyn ported them to a house in an interesting region. It had the same vibes as the Forgotten Hollow, but a little lighter. Or at least this side of the world was lighter. A mature woman opened the door of the house whose coordinates were in Morgyn's text.
https://on.soundcloud.com/4NHnCwGy2YP29seEA
Woman: Mr Ember, thank you for agreeing to see me.
Morg: The pleasure is mine, Ms...?
Woman: Specter. Olive Specter. But please. There is no need for us to be so formal.
Morg: Heh, fair. As I mentioned in my message, I believe you could help me...or all of us...regarding our plans to keep Maria Erwin from secretly wiping us out.
Olive: Yes, so I've heard. This is the first time my goals have aligned with someone else's, let alone a Morrigan. looks to Lorelei with awe and respect
Lore: What, what about me?
Olive: You are hoping to foil your mother's plans, are you not? Well, I am also seeking something that must stay out of human hands. Our goals are the same.
Lore: So...
Olive: Please. Allow me first. Lore nods, then Olive continues What do you know about Tarot cards?
Min: Tarot? Don't psychics use those to render their visions into understandable words?
Olive: Very astute of you. But it is not only for psychics. Witches can use those cards to enhance or distribute their power as well. The deck that I seek is called The Deck of the Reaper. It's a deck of cards that were scattered to prevent humans from finding it...
Lore: But, given that humans are looking into supernatural things more than ever, the deck can be found?
Olive: Precisely. This deck is something that mustn't fall into human hands. A human could not begin to fathom the power of these cards.
Lore: But what does a deck of cards have to do with ruining my mum's plans?
Nyon: speaks with an accent similar to Lore's The last time I remember, Morrigan, your mother's plans and these cards are connected.
Lore: The last I remember, you look like you failed all your math exams đ€š.
Olive: And yet, he can divine several possibilities with a simple deck of cards. Don't underestimate this issue. In fact, I understand you need help with another piece of this puzzle, don't you?
Lore: Well...yes...I guess?
Olive: Well then. You can either daydream about bedding the hemomancer all day, or you can talk to me about these cards and how we, as a whole, need to find them.
Lorelei spluttered at Olive's choice of words. đ€
Lore: WHAT? What are you talking about?
Min: Huh? What does she mean?!
Nyon tried his hardest not to laugh at Olive's words, but the latter fixed him with a hard stare. He still couldn't hold it. Here we are, with a terrible situation on our hands, and Lorelei is only thinking how hot the tattooed guy is? Hilarious!
Morg: Urgh. Ms Specter. The cards?
Olive: Ahem. Yes. Please follow me. leads them to a secluded room
đ€
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I tried so hard to be in a good mood today but I failed. It was too loud and chaotic. I am so overstimulated and I feel like I can't calm down. Everyone was so tense. I was stressed before I even got into the building. I was crossing the street and I saw that the eye coordinator had texted me. She said she couldn't find a pan that I had processed last night for a specific case so I had to rush so I could help find it.
The morning team lead is making me and everyone else uncomfortable. He has a serious drinking problem and he comes in hungover frequently.
He has been making some very sexist and insensitive comments lately. He has no respect for women and doesn't think we should get the final say in anything or be decision-makers. He doesn't care about my opinion because he always has to be right about everything. He had a great performance review so now his ego is bigger than ever. I think he is on a power trip. He called me a bitch earlier but he said it was a joke. I didn't think it was very funny. There is a doctor who is from India and he doesn't like him because he was rude to him one day. He said something like, "well maybe Apu should go work at kwik e mart instead". He also made a terrible 9/11 joke to my co-worker who is middle eastern and that pissed me off because he is such a nice person and he didn't deserve that at all. No one deserves to be talked to like that. He apologized but that's not enough. That's not ok and he can't go around saying shit like that.
When he doesn't have anything to do, he follows me around while I work so I can't end the conversation. I just have to put up with him and be nice even when he says awful things. I have to avoid arguing with him since I'm stuck being alone with him in the morning.
He is overly critical of people and gets so upset when people don't do things the way he wants. He has to be confrontational about everything. He has problems managing his anger. He broke one of our big autoclaves by beating the shit out of it because he was frustrated that the door wouldn't unseal. That one is very old and it won't be in service much longer at this rate. The repair man came to fix it today and it's still broken even though he said it was fixed.
I am at the point where I feel like I need to talk to the director about what is going on because it's not ok. He's a 40 year old man and he shouldn't be acting like that. I am not sure if anything will change but I hope it gets better.
Unfortunately his negative attitude put me in a sour mood today. I shouldn't let anyone get to me like that. I said some things I shouldn't have said because I was stressed and I feel bad about it. I'm pretty sure some of the techs overheard me and I think they were upset. I was definitely being an asshole. I just need to learn to shut my mouth sometimes. Hopefully they don't hate me now.
I don't want to think about work anymore right now. I hope I'm in a better mood tomorrow. I have a lot going on this weekend and I wish I didn't. I'm frustrated because I got 4 gifts to donate last week but obviously our plans fell through so I couldn't bring them in. It is very unlikely that I will have time to do that tomorrow and I feel bad about it. I still plan on donating them but I guess I will have to take them somewhere else sometime.
My eyes hurt and I'm so ready for my appointment tomorrow. It would be nice if I could pay to have my glasses made more quickly because this sucks. I'm also not super confident about driving in the dark right now but it's always dark when I leave in the morning and when I come home. I am doing my best. If my vision gets any worse, I might have to ask my dad to take me to work because I don't want to get in an accident.
I think I need to get off the computer now. It's difficult for me to focus on the screen. I think I also need some quiet time because today was just too much for me. I will probably go to bed soon because I'm exhausted. I don't want to feel like garbage when I wake up but I probably will anyway. I don't have much else to say at the moment.
I don't want to be negative right now. I know I complain a lot and I'm sorry. I just need to talk about stuff because it's bothering me and I don't know how to deal with it. I really hope tomorrow is better. Thank you all for listening to me vent. It helps a lot. I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow. đđđ
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Good to know about the combat and the directions! (In hindsight duh, I should have figured it wasn't a hitbox issue but my low skills since healer. Of course attacks would miss.)
I'm debating restarting my character again and actually picking the skills myself vs letting the game decide for me. I wanted to try to go in blind and figure shit out as I go like I did when I first picked up Skyrim but oof. Not really working out for me in Morrowind.
Then again, I could try to work with what I got and make it part of Zensi's lore. (Maybe have him just steal everything since he is bad at combat? It would be a first for me.)
What I will probably need is a mod to make the text bigger and maybe a different font. Its too small and my vision is piss poor.
Playing Morrowind for the first time:
Nearly got my ass beat by a worm while playing Morrowind for the first time.
'Spell failed' STABBED. 'Spell failed' BLEEDING. 'Spell fail-
Can't sleep by the rocks in town. Where is inn? Bed?????
(rests out side the mine so mana regens) HOLY FUCK ASSASSIN AND HIS RAT-
Return the health ring. Its the right thing to do.
Nah, tax collector had nothing on him. Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Literally flailing my dagger but hitbox?
Stole a bread. Stole more bread. Stole a jug. Lost it all.
Stabbed to death at least four times in that starting mine
L O S T? W HE RE IS NOR T H? WHERE TH E HI LL?
"Ready to join the Blades?" "NO" "Get out of here."
Got jumped by a ?hound? and rat so I power walked my way back to town so the guards could help me
Zensi is an absolute loser and I love him.
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â on my mind 02 â a jeongguk scenario
member: jeon jungkook
word count: 25.6k
genre: domestic!au + established relationship + fluff + smut + mild angst
warnings: slow build / oral sex (f & m receiving) / multiple smut scenes / over-stimulation / breeding kink / creampies / mentions of infertility / pregnancy is a central part of the story line / pregnancy sex / jeongguk just wants to be a good dad / i am so sorry if the editing is not up to par i tried my best / mild possessiveness / mentions of misogyny and an asshole manager
soundtracks: (they long to be) close to you, carpenters + to you, yoona & lee sang soon + someoneâs shining, wisue + who knew, chloe x halle, + but iâm trying to tell you how much i love you, saevom + pretend, lee aram + when the wind blows, yoona + meet me in amsterdam, rini + she, jannabi
special thanks to: @gukkheaven for seeing the baby version of this fic <3 / @a-life-thats-next-to-normal for sharing some much needed baby info with me!
header credit @dee-ehn <3
read the first part here
The first time you buy a test, you donât tell him.
Itâs a Thursday afternoon and you arrive home first. Jeongguk had texted you that he would be late today because Namjoon needed him to work overtime on a file that was due. You had taken the rare opportunity to scurry to your local chemist and purchase a handful of pregnancy tests. Youâd dumped the pink boxes on the counter, trying in vain to avoid the blatant stare of the cashier as she packaged them into a small black bag. The trek back home nerve-racking. Your heart pounding painfully against your chest, the scruff of your sneakers against the pavement the only accompaniment to the tension you felt weighing over your body. It was only when you had passed a playground, eyes skimming over the hordes of children joyously dandling from monkey bars and slipping down sliders with wide grins on their faces, did your heart momentarily calm down. Lulled by the sound of their laughter until your pulse was relaxed once more.
You could do this â itâs just a test.
The apartment is eerily silent when you click the door closed behind you. You heel your shoes off, sliding your feet into the downy slippers Jeongguk had picked up for you a while back. You dump the bag on the dining table, hands shaking as you dig for your phone in your bag. Your fingers tap on the familiar pink app on your screen and you read the text that youâve been subtly denying for the past week. Your period is late. Sometimes you miss a day or two but a whole nine days had passed and mother nature hadnât sent you the usual reminder that indicated that you were not with child.
For some reason, the words sent a thrill through your body. It wasnât like you were taking precautions to avoid pregnancy - quite the opposite. Ever since Jeongguk had admitted his secret wish to you, youâd both taken every opportunity to make sure youâd get knocked up. Most of the apartment had been rechristened during those activities, particularly the couch. The moment youâd told him you wouldnât mind carrying his child a spark of desire had reignited in Jeongguk that you hadnât seen since you started dating five years ago.
But for some reason, nothing was working the way youâd expected it to be. With Jeonggukâs new robust sex drive, you expected to be pregnant within a month tops. Yet, your period appeared each month without fail and it hurt to see the doubt creep onto his face every time he brought you a hot water bottle to lessen the cramps wreaking havoc in your stomach. For a while, you thought you were infertile. You considered taking up the issue with your doctor but it was hard to acknowledge that you may be. That either of you may be. Not when both of you wanted this so bad.
The fact that your period had been missing for a significant amount of time in your perspective was both thrilling and alarming at the same time.
When you finally pick up one of the pregnancy tests, you take your time, reading over the instructions. Three times exactly. One-line means not pregnant, two lines indicate that you are. Not hard, right?
In the bathroom, you struggle to pee. Your hand is trembling as you hold the collection cup and your flow is unsteady despite the two bottles of water youâd chugged on the train ride home once Jeongguk told you heâd be late. Things work out, regardless of your nerves.
Once everything is done, your hands are clean and the two pregnancy tests youâd unwrapped are sitting flat on the counter of your bathroom, you fiddle with the timer app on your phone, setting it to five minutes.
Those are the longest five minutes of your life.
You leave the bathroom, unable to look before the set time, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You canât sit, so you pace around, slippers slapping the hardwood floorboards as you try to attempt to calm yourself down but fail miserably at it because the clock hanging in the living room is ticking too loud; it echoes in your head matching the beats of the seconds youâre mentally counting down. Outside of your apartment, someoneâs shouting a passing greeting across the street, thereâs the tickle of a bike bell and a gruff woof echoing from the throat of a dog. The sounds of life outside the panic bubble youâre currently in draws you to the window. You pad over, lean down to rest your elbows against the sill as your eyes take in the sight of the evening sun dipping behind the silhouettes of buildings. The sky bleeds orange and red, bright fuchsia pink and cornflower blue trailing behind their wake like silage. The view is partially obscured by murky grey clouds but beyond them, you can still spot the lavender tone the two colours create when they flux into each other.
The sight slows down your heartbeat, a sense of tranquillity washing over your body as if youâd been dipped into the ocean. It reminds you of the sea view both of you had left behind when youâd moved to Seoul four years ago. You canât help but slip into a reverie, nose full of the ghost-like remnants of salty air, the sand youâd played in as a child a phantom caressing the soles of your feet. The sunsets in Busan were better but Seoul is where Jeongguk and you had crafted life together, even if you sometimes wished you had never left your hometown at all.
The alarm going off in the bathroom yanks you right back into your quaint little apartment. You take a deep breath and then rise. Your knees wobble as you walk to the bathroom, a sheen of sweat building in the palms of your hands. The sudden urge to just get this over with steadies your steps until youâre standing before the counter again, staring at your reflection in the mirror. There are dark bags underneath your eyes and your face carries the worries of the day. You look worn and you feel it too. Coupled with the extra pressure of trying and failing to get pregnant, thereâs so much on your back right now it feels as if itâs bent over. You sigh, eyes still refusing to falter and look downwards at the results on your counter.
It takes you a moment to gather the courage to pluck up the first test.
Your breath is trapped in your throat and your eyes suddenly feel hot and wet. Your vision blurs up and your hands are shaking but even despite the tears falling down your cheeks, you can see the results.
Itâs one line. Negative.
The other one reads the same and all you can do is try to remember how to breathe as you roughly wipe away your tears. Your hands are trembling as you wrap up and dispose of the two tests, shoving them into the trash before you pile more tissue on top of it, wishing you could hide from the shame you feel too. The black bag with the other tests gets tucked behind your pads in the cupboard. Jeongguk wonât question that, so it's the safest place to store it.
You head to the shower next, allowing the rushing water to sweep away the dried tear stains on your face, hoping it erases the crushing feeling of disappointment sitting on your chest too. But it doesnât and even as you move around the kitchen to make dinner, your actions seem slow, languid in a bad way, held down by the fact that no matter what you canât seem to get pregnant.
Jeongguk knows right away something is off.
He came home late as he said he would, pressed a kiss to your cheek and muttered a small greeting before heading to the shower. When he emerged once more in grey sweats and a worn white t-shirt, heâd plopped himself down at the dining table, gave you a quiet once over and then opened his mouth to gently say, âYour eyes are red.â
âBad day at work,â you lie, placing a bowl of rice before him.
âSeungmin?â
âI donât want to talk about it.â
You fall into a silence that should be comfortable but it isnât. Every time you glance up Jeongguk is staring at you with a worried expression that makes your heart heavy. Even between bites of food, you can see his brain working, mulling over a way to make you feel better. Which sucks because Jeongguk shouldnât be worrying about insignificant issues like this. He had a lot on his plate anyway. His extra hours at the office were taking a gradual toll on him. His eyes seemed hollower and heâd had to skip a couple of gym sessions so he didnât even have his usual outlet for stress. There was a vein surfacing on his forehead and it pulsed every time he was thinking too hard about something. Like it was now. It hurt even more when you knew Jeongguk was putting all this stress on himself because he wanted to find a bigger place for his future family. The spare room you owned had long since been converted into his game room and he wasnât about to give up that little luxury just yet. He was only taking on more responsibilities at the office because he believed that his future children deserve a place to run, play games, to just be a child. The image of the two negative tests linger before your vision and your heart breaks a little more because it feels like Jeongguk is working hard for something thatâll never become a reality.
He cleans up while you take your place on the couch. Even with the drone of the drama on the television and the clinking of dishes as Jeongguk washes up fills your apartment, you still canât settle in and shake off the cloud thatâs hanging above your head. When he does join you, Jeongguk lugs over the soft black blanket youâd whisked from Yoongiâs apartment, carrying his favourite bar of chocolate in his hands.
He shoves it in your direction, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. âHere, take this.â
âWhy? Itâs yours.â But you clasp your fingers around the plastic wrapping, the warmth of his lips against your skin ebbing through you.
He shrugs, shifting against you so that your legs are thrown over his and the blanket covers both of your bodies. Beneath it, his large warm hand searches for yours, latching around your fingers and giving them a gentle squeeze. âTake it. You said you had a bad day and chocolate always makes you feel better, doesnât it?â
The corners of your mouth are lifting upwards as you tear the package open. It's mint flavoured. Jeongguk always had an affinity towards sweet mint flavoured things, and the chocolate melts on your tongue with ease. Slowly, the tension within you abates, your mind vaguely focusing on the screen before you, Jeonggukâs warm firm body burning beside you. You melt into him, breaking off pieces of chocolate and nudging them against his mouth until he parts his lips and allows you to drop them inside. His tongue trails against your fingertips despite the âgrossâ you mutter into the evening air. All he does is laugh and pull you closer, brushing another swift kiss on your cheek. You settle against him, resting your head against the curve of his shoulder before the drama takes your attention. One of the characters had made a joke and the rise of Jeonggukâs chest beneath your head as he laughs calms you down so much that you canât help but laugh too.
The evening winds down in this manner. Jeongguk unknowingly melting away the tension that had built up within you with each soft smile and laugh that he gives you as he talks about his day over the voices of the actors on screen. You listen intently, hoping you can take away some of his stress too until youâre struggling to keep your eyes open. He gently shakes you awake, taking your hand to guide you into bed where you promptly collapse between the sheets. You can hear his footsteps as he moves around, checking the doors and switching the lights off, but your mind feels foggy and your eyes are heavy.
When he settles in beside you, shirtless and having tucked away from the semi you donât know heâs sporting, your breaths are slow and slumber is slipping over you. His arm finds its way over your waist and his chest is plastered against your back. Youâre about to fall asleep, the dark deep wonders of rest right on the edge of your vision but youâre wiggling around, slotting the curve of your ass against Jeonggukâs crotch and thatâs when you instantly wake up.
His erection is nudging against your ass and you can tell heâs still awake from the rise and fall of his chest behind you. He thinks youâre still sleeping because he doesnât say anything, just trails a finger against the curve of your hips. The touch warms you even through the fabric of your pyjamas. But youâre suddenly on edge again, the negative tests flashing before your eyes. You were going to book an appointment with the doctor soon but would it hurt to try one more time before you did so? It really wouldnât.
You wiggle against him harder, the growing curve of his cock against you eliciting a rush of slick from your cunt. When you grind into him, Jeongguk groans, a low rumble that slips from his throat. The grip on your hip draws taut. He knows youâre awake.
âIf you keep doing that, weâre going to have a problem.â
You grin, hips still pushing backwards. âWhat if Iâm willing to solve it?â
âI wouldnât let you.â
You halt, ass still pressed against his crotch, the smile falling from your face and your arousal rapidly dissipating. Jeonggukâs pulling away before you can say anything, rising on his elbows so that he can look at you.
âI know Seungmin isnât the reason why you were sad today. I saw the test boxes in the bathroom.â
Itâs so quiet that you can hear the rush of blood filling your head. The tears youâd thought youâd run out of, reappear instantly, dripping down your cheeks. He wipes them away with a forlorn smile before shifting to wrap you in his warm arms. Your chest shudders with every breath you take but Jeongguk holds you together, whispering words of comfort against your ear.
âItâs okay, baby, itâs okay.â He holds you a little tighter when you start to hiccup against the crook of his neck, rubbing a large hand against your back.
When you finally calm down, you pull away, cheeks wet, to find that Jeonggukâs own eyes are tinged red too.
âWere they negative?â You nod, still, a little bit choked up. But then he smiles and moves to press a tepid kiss between your eyebrows. âStop stressing. Itâll happen when it happens.â
âGetting pregnant shouldnât be this hard. All I have to do is open my legs.â
âHey,â He pats your damp cheek in chastisement. âStop talking like that. You donât have control over your body. Donât blame yourself for things you canât help. For all we know, this could be my fault.â
âItâs nobodyâs fault.â You mutter. âI just - weâve been trying for three months now and I donât know whatâs wrong.â
âWe could go get checked. Both of us.â Heâs pulling you closer again. âDonât blame yourself, baby. Please.â
âIâm trying not to,â you whisper back, falling back into the comfort of his body. Jeongguk is like a pillar of strength for you, particularly when you feel like you have none left within you. And right now you donât. But he holds you up, his hands caressing your skin softly, pushing off the worries that plague. You fall asleep like this, eyes crusty from crying and Jeonggukâs loving gaze watching over your features.
The next day, you book an appointment and try to ignore the nervous thoughts gnawing at your conscience.
Your period comes three days later and all that does is build on to the new feeling of resentment that you were developing against your uterus.
Jeongguk buys you your favourite chocolate, keeps your supply of hot water bottles going, cookâs dinner and tells you to stop worrying.
â
The late August afternoon sun warms your back as your drag Taehyung through the lake. Youâve got your arms wrapped around his neck in a playful choke-hold and despite his wild thrushes you manage to dunk him into the tepid lake water â retribution for what he did to you earlier. Heâd shoved you right into the lake from atop some boulders, leaving you shocked and with water filling your nose for most of the afternoon. Somewhere in the background, you can hear Seokjin screaming at his twins because theyâre copying your actions on each other and Jimin is hiding Bora from the two homicides about to take place in broad daylight.
You let go of Taehyung when he elbows you roughly and watch him rise to the surface, face tinged rose, but a good-natured boxy grin plastered on his features.
âIf Jeongguk wouldnât be able to beat my ass, I would end you Y/N,â he says.
You roll your eyes, playfully punching his arm. âSure you would.â
Taehyungâs grin broadens. âIâm tempted to prove you wrong but you should get the boys before they murder each other.â He says before shaking his head. The droplets that fly from his mane obscure your vision so you twist around, waddling through the water, just in time to catch Minho body slam Minjoon into the water.
âMinho! Youâre going to kill your brother!â Seokjin sounds beyond distressed, so on his behalf, you swim further into the water, and pull the two boys apart only to find them grinning wickedly at each other. They had just turned five and had reached the age where morbid violence was amusing instead of alarming.
âBoys, can we find something else to play instead? Youâre going to send your father to an early grave.â
âWhatâs a grave?â Minjoon inquires, clinging to your waist as you haul them back to shore. Taehyungâs already out, meandering back to the cabins that belonged to Jiminâs affluent family. It was his idea to have a quick weekend getaway at the lake. He insisted that the kids needed to go out and play in the wild but he wanted to get everyone out of the house. The stress from work and studies were taking a huge toll on the relations within your group. Youâd seen Yoongi and Namjoon argue for the first time in a while and it had been over whether Marvel was right in killing off Tony Stark. Yoongi had nearly thrown a plate at Namjoonâs head when he insisted that Tony deserved to die. That alone instantly made you agree to Jiminâs plan. You had to pack for Jeongguk too since he was swamped with work, another reason why everyone needed this mini vacation.
The man in question is nursing a beer by the grill, a languid grin on his face as he chats with Namjoon. The smile on his lips sends a rush of affection flooding through your heart because you hadnât seen it for a while now. What with your uterus refusing to do its duty and the workload he was dealing with; you were glad he was taking a break now. He deserved it.
âA grave is where people go and sleep for a very long time,â You carefully respond, running a hand through Minhoâs wet hair. They both have Seokjinâs bright eyes and the curiosity within them slightly unnerves you. âYou should go ask your dad, he can explain it better.â
They shot off at that, sprinting to their father whoâd given you a grateful smile when youâd dragged them out alive. Unfortunately, he was now trying to feed his third son Chansook, who was a stubborn eater according to his wife Seoyeon and coupled with the insistent pestering from the boys you could see him slowly going mad.
Instead of helping, as you should, to diffuse the situation, you head towards the kitchen, snatching up an oversized t-shirt on the way there. Seoyeonâs dashing from place to place, checking pots and pans with the help of Jiminâs wife Bora and Namjoonâs wife Eunbi. Yoongi and Hoseok take it upon themselves to cook the near twelve-packs of ramen needed to feed all the mouths present. You leave them to it, aware that Yoongi makes his ramen in a specific manner and youâd rather stay away than help him in case you ruined it. Seoyeon shoves a chopping board and some vegetables in your direction which you gladly take, settling beside Soomi.
âIs Bora outside?â She asks, slicing up a melon.
âJiminâs got her. Sheâs fine.â
âSurprised she hasnât cried yet. She hates being away from home for long periods.â
âThree days isnât long,â You comment.
âIt is in her world,â Soomi remarks, her laugh gentle. You glance at her, taking in the new wrinkles on her face due to being a mother and working at the same time. You donât know how she handles it, especially because Soomi inherited her fatherâs dramatic and clingy traits. But even despite the stress, thereâs a soft smile on her lips. You know sheâs thinking about her child. The whole concept of infinite love that a mother possessed for her children was still lost upon you. You loved Jeongguk to the Sun and back but the love lingering on Soomiâs face at the simple thought of her baby was entirely different. Some part of you longed to know what that felt like.
âCan I ask a question?â You carefully pose, slicing the radishes Seoyeon handed you earlier.
âGo ahead.â
âHow long did it take for you and Jimin to conceive?â
âWith his stamina,â she scoffs, âNot long at all. I was pregnant by the end of our honeymoon. Why are you asking?â Her eyes are on you, shining with curiosity eerily similar to the twinsâ gaze.
âNo particular reason. Just curious.â
âAre you pregnant?â Her blatant question has your cheeks heated and you pray the rest of the occupants in the kitchen didnât catch what she said.
âNo,â you hastily reply. âIâm not. But we are trying.â
âOh.â Soomiâs staring at you with a gaze you canât decipher. âYou donât want to get married first?â
âWe talked about that. Weâre in no rush for marriage. Weâre both it for each other as far as weâre concerned and a piece of paper wonât change how we feel about it. So weâll skip out on marriage for the time being. Our parents know how we feel about marriage too. Even if they donât exactly agree, itâs our relationship.â You make your tone firm on purpose. This question has been posed to you too many times, so the defence in your words is natural. But the look Soomi gives you is sharp enough to crack through the thin glass that constructs your resolve. Her gaze isnât mean, but thereâs a clear judgement in her eyes. She pauses, a gentle sigh slipping from her lips before she slowly opens her mouth.
âIf thatâs what you want, then do it. But I have to warn you, kids do shake up the picture quite a lot. Soomi taught me so much about Jimin already, things I would never have known about him. Some of them I didnât like and others I loved and I bet sheâs shown Jimin things about me that I never knew too. Itâs a lot to have a kid and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the extra stress and responsibility youâre about to put on it.â Sheâs not looking at you, instead focusing on tying up her dark locks in a neat bun, but her last words linger in your head. âDonât do something that might push you further away from each other. You love Jeongguk, but will you love him as a father when he messes up? Because he will. Youâll mess up a lot too. Parenting is one big learning curve that never stops curving. Even if you feel ready, Y/N, your relationship might not be.â
You move to interrupt her, a rebuttal resting on your tongue. But Soomi halts it, shooting you a glance that makes your heart halt.
âHave you thought about the pregnancy too? How your body will change? The mood swings, the morning sickness? How crappy you are going to feel? And for nine months too. Thatâs a lengthy time. Even with Soomi I was counting down the days until I hit the next week. I wanted it over and done with so bad if Iâm being honest with you. Every pregnancy is different; I understand that â you might even be lucky and have a great one. But most arenât a walk in the park. Itâs a big commitment to make, with a lot of serious risks. Not that I want you to reconsider your choice, I just think you really need to think it through. Weigh the reasons you want this. You may want a kid right now but are you in the space to have one in nine months? Thatâs just something to keep in mind, Y/N. Itâs not an easy thing, pregnancy or parenting.â Sheâs staring at you hard now, gaze earnest. âI just want you to consider that. You should talk to Jeongguk about it.â
You mumble a noise of agreement, your heart suddenly heavy in your chest. Thereâs a numbness that creeps from there, in the pit of darkness that now consumes the light that had once resided within you. You cut the ingredients they had you absentmindedly, Soomiâs words ringing in your head.
Even when dinner is set, memories and laughter have been cast across the table and everyoneâs had their fill, youâre still mulling over Soomiâs advice. She was right, you hadnât thought about the toll a child would take on the connection between you and Jeongguk. Or on you. Youâd only focused on the happy little moments that would await you as new parents instead of the rough, ugly parts of the journey. There was a sudden panic gripping your soul instead of the familiar warmth youâd become accustomed to when you thought about having a child. Jeongguk had sensed there was something off with you too, because when you climbed into the sheets that night heâd wrapped you in a tight embrace, carefully resting your head upon his upper arm.
âCare to share whatâs on your mind?â His voice is a whisper in the dead of the night, breath warming your forehead.
âIt's nothing really. Just thinking about⊠the whole pregnancy thing?â
His body tenses. âOh... The doctor said weâre fine though. Both healthy and fertile. Itâll happen when it happens.â
âNo. Not that,â you retort, twisting in his arms. You tear yourself away, rising upright, the blanket falling from your bare shoulders. Jeongguk stares at you, eyes wide open and full of alarm. âJeongguk.â Thereâs a tremor in your voice. âDo you â do you really think weâre ready for kids? I still work under a shitty manager. We live in a small apartment. Youâre â youâre working so hard itâs practically killing you. Weâre not even marriedââ
âQuit your job.â He says it firmly, rising up beside you. Thereâs a fire in his eyes that riles you further into the panic thatâs overwhelming you.
âWhat are you even suggesting? I quit my job? So what? You can continue working yourself to the bone? Are you even thinking?â
âI am!â He slams back. âYou hate your job, so quit! Youâre talented and skilled and you deserve to work at a company that appreciates you! And where is this coming from? You donât want to have kids anymore?â His voice faltering at the end, pandering out into the air thatâs filled with tension.
âNo. I â I want to Jeongguk. I just donât know if this is the right time. Thereâs so much thatâs not settled, we shouldnât be straining ourselves any further.â Your throat is thick and your head is hot, unshed tears brimming within your eyes. He reaches out for your hand, rough large palms enclosing your own. You canât look at him, staring hard at the wall instead, trying to swallow your sadness. âMaybe Iâm not getting pregnant for a reason.â
âDonât say that.â His voice cracks. âIf you want to wait, thatâs fine. Just know that youâre the only person I ever want to take that step with. Whether weâre married or not. I love you. I love you so much. I donât want you to be sad about something thatâs meant to make you happy. We can stop trying.â Thereâs a hand on your cheek, his thumb wiping away the hot tears that you weren't even aware of. When you finally look up, thereâs pain glimmering behind his brown eyes and it shatters your heart into thousands of little shards.
He holds you as you cry, rocking your huddled figure lightly. His shirt is drenched in your sorrow, a growing wet stain spreading over his chest. There are hiccups stuck in your throat when you finally draw away, eyes hot and puffy. Thereâs matching wet stains on his own red cheeks. You brush them away, staring into his red eyes, hoping he can feel how sorry you are for giving him hope that his deepest desire could come true and then snatching it right back,
When he kisses you, thereâs silent tears still streaming down your cheeks. Itâs slow, gentle. The words that are stuck in his throat are communicated through this kiss. Like he needs you to know itâs okay. Your worries are valid and even though heâs hurt, he still loves you. Still needs you. And you kiss him back with the same intent, your heart aching in your chest because Jeongguk had been so happy when youâd agreed to start a family with him. A life that wasnât just about the two of you as individuals, it would have been about the two of you as one. But thatâs no longer a reality, merely a castle in the sky now.
The pillow is soft beneath the dip of your head. Jeonggukâs above you and you hold onto him like youâre afraid you might lose him, your mouths still attached. Youâre terrified this might push him away, that he might find someone else that can give him what he really wants. Someone who will trust his intentions instead of doubting him.
He pulls away, eyes glossy, a look in them that tells you he can feel the fear in your kiss, the desperation to keep him closer. âIâm here.â His voice is thick, still heavy with heartbreak. âYouâve got me. Iâm not going anywhere.â
The urge to prove that makes your fingertips twitch. Youâre yanking at the hem of his shirt, your heartbeat pulsing in your throat. It comes off immediately, followed by his shorts and your own t-shirt. Heâs not hard but thereâs a sizable bulge nudging against your clothed core. You pull him down, revelling in the way he caves you in, and kiss him until heâs grinding himself against you, little gasps spilling from his swollen lips. Your fingers are tangled in his long hair and even though youâre hurting your heart settles. This is yours. No matter what happens, this belongs to you.
Jeongguk must feel the same because heâs coaxing a dark bruise on your neck, the need to display his love for you making his tongue swoop across your sensitive skin, teeth nipping when a rush of desire slithers down his back. His hips move harder now and heâs leaking in his boxers, the damp stain of the fabric matching the one on your panties. The air still feels heavy, but your joined pants now fill it. Thereâs a hand on your hip, pinning you down to the bed and at some point Jeongguk had kicked the sheets to the floor. Youâre at his mercy, taking the rough grind of his crotch against your own. Thereâs a sting on your clit from the material rubbing you the wrong way, so you gently push him off, slipping off your underwear. The cool air hits your slick folds, making you feel more exposed and vulnerable than youâve ever felt before. He doesnât say anything, just slips down your body, draping your legs over his shoulder, his warmth breath grazing your thighs.
The first lick of his tongue against you has your toes curling. You watch him spread you apart, firm tongue dipping into hole, toying with it before sliding back up to your clit. When his lips latch onto it, sucking it hard, your back lurches off the bed. The noises that fall from your mouth spur him on, tongue moving quickly now, alternating between precise quick licks and slower ones, tongue spread against your pussy. You take it, staring at him as he devours you. The usual fire youâd become accustomed to during sex doused from his eyes, the brown softer now, almost calm. But thereâs an urgency in the way he eats you out, your slick coating his lips, as his tongue flicks against your clit.
Itâs hard not to grind against his face, but youâre still holding yourself back, despite the rush of pleasure thatâs creeping into every muscle, every nerve and piling in your gut. When his tongue swirls around your clit, before dragging down your folds and dips inside you hard, that resolve you were desperately clinging on snaps. You roll your hips against his mouth, back arched and your head pushing into the pillows. The knot in your gut is tight. Youâre close, eyes closing involuntarily and your thighs twitching under the firm grasp of his hands. Jeongguk can tell because his tongue is against your clit once more, flicking hard, coaxing the orgasm out of you. You want to push his head away, the need to snap your legs closed making your thighs tense but he doesnât care, fucking your clit with his mouth until you unravel beneath him.
It hits you slowly and then all at once. A build-up that has your squirming beneath him, trying to get away, then your muscles lock. Mouth wide open and words falling from your throat that you canât decipher because thereâs blood rushing in your ears. Your walls clench around nothing and you wish heâd slipped in a finger or two but then you glance down, Jeongguk still lapping at your pussy with vigour, his eyes on you and your whole body just dissolves. Your bones feel like theyâre melting into each other, eyelids heavy but you force them open and lock them onto his. When you finally muster the strength, you push his head away and drag him up to you, slotting your lips together. He tastes like you, and youâre fully aware of his erection, the bulge grazing against your sensitive nub.
He cups one of your breasts as you kiss, his thumb brushing against your hard nipple. You jolt, a sudden rush of wetness gushing from your cunt. Your hands trail down his body without thought, gingerly digging into the band of his boxers but then heâs pulling away, mouth latching onto your nipple and your brain short wires for a second. The drag of his tongue against your chest makes your gut feel strange, another knot settling despite the orgasm you had moments ago.
He comes up, mouth shiny with your slick and your chest heaving beneath him as he stares at you in a way that makes your heart seize. âI love you too.â It hits you then, what youâd been repeating when he was going down on you. You said you loved him. And itâs true - you do. You love him so much it hurts sometimes. Itâs the most overwhelming, intense emotion youâd ever felt. It makes your heart feel like itâs going to explode sometimes. And even though youâre not sure you can give Jeongguk what he wants anymore, those words lessen the worry and guilt you feel. He loves you. Thatâs all that matters.
His boxers find their way to the ground when your lips latch onto each other again and then heâs guiding himself into you, groaning against your mouth as you squeeze down on him. Itâs slow, his hips rising and falling onto yours in a steady rhythm, cock stretching you out. It feels so good and you let go now, moaning into his ear as your hands settle on his hips urging him into you, faster and harder. Jeongguk complies, your name stuck on his lips as he fucks you into the mattress, the curve in his stomach telling him heâs close. You clench around him, loving the way Jeongguk feels buried inside you, filling you up like no one else can. Youâre tight and wet and he canât help but lift your hips, grasping the back of your thighs so that he can pound into you the way he wants too. Heâs hitting deeper now, the curve of his cock rubbing against that part of you that has delicious tingles vibrating through your body. Itâs heady, the way he fucks you. You can feel him twitching, thrusts in precise, the need to cum driving his hips. When he moves to pull away, you push his hips back down.
âI â oh,â He says, breathless when you squeeze around him, ribbed velvet walls clenching on his veiny cock. âIâm close.â
âInside,â you murmur, âCum inside.â
He stares at you, eyes glimmering. But his hips come slamming back down hard and he fucks you like he never wants to leave your cunt. Itâs exactly what you want and youâre not worried. After three months of trying what could happen now? So you let him have his way with you, his harsh thrusts bruising your hips. His own falter against you, warm cum spilling inside. Jeonggukâs panting beside your ear, your sweaty skin sticking together. His hair is dishevelled, ruined and damp. But thereâs a soft smile on his face and when he pulls out, cum making your thighs feel grimy. He pecks your nose gently. It makes your heart calm. Then he rises, moving to the bathroom and returning with a wet cloth. He cleans you up in silence but itâs content, not tense. Your eyes are closed when he slips into bed again, the mattress dipping under the weight of his knee. He drags the sheets heâd plucked from the floor over your body and you burrow into his side, the thrumming of his heart in his chest a serene euphony to your ears. You fall asleep like this, the melancholy that was weighing over your heart temporarily subsided. Â
â
Thereâs a faint ding from your phone. You pick it up, sliding down the notification bar to see a reminder from your period app. Youâre three days late. You choose to ignore it, tossing the phone back onto your desk because thereâs a file you urgently need to complete. Seungminâs been breathing down your neck about it. Coupled with the fact that Jeonggukâs birthday is next week and youâre still trying to plan his party out, your brain felt like it was about to combust. Your period is probably late because you were stressed. Jeongguk had been swamped with work too and after the mini holiday at the lake house youâd barely seen him. So obviously, itâs stress.
You leave the office late, putting down a reminder to book an appointment with your doctor in your notes app as you exit the building. Youâd been mulling over going on birth control for a while now. It seemed like the most logical approach. Partially because youâd grown accustomed to feeling Jeonggukâs cum inside you and also because you thought it was better to wait a little bit until you were both more settled and ready for kids. Some part of you still longed to have them now but Soomiâs words haunted your thoughts every time the idea popped into your head. You had no doubt that you loved Jeongguk but the negatives of parenting heavily clouded over the pleasant scenarios youâd imagined.
The apartment is empty when you get home. You shower first and then head to the kitchen, your phone in your hand. Thereâs a text from Jeongguk telling you heâll be late. Heâs close to a promotion thanks to all his hard efforts even if it means you spend less and less time together. You settle on starting dinner, so that heâll have something warm to eat when he comes home. He was notoriously bad at remembering to eat enough while working late.
When youâve finished cooking, you settle into the couch, laptop open on some random show so that you have background noise as you eat. But itâs not enough to entertain you and you find yourself swiping through your phone. You scroll through Instagram feed, pausing over a picture of Yoonaâs new-born. Heâs a cute baby even with all the wrinkles and scrunched up face. His name is Jonghyun and Yoona hadnât been able to stop talking about him. Baby this, baby that. It was cute, her unadulterated love for her child. Even when he puked over everything and refused to sleep.
Your heart feels heavy now, ears focused on the incessant ticking of the clock instead of the chattering of the actors on your screen. The memory of your first time taking a test comes stinging back hard. How nervous you were, how disappointed you felt when it was negative. It all seemed like wishful thinking now but something about it had you sitting upright, empty bowl discarded on the coffee table and your laptop nearly tipping onto the floor. You open the app again, stare at the three daysâ late notification and then run to the bathroom.
The tests are still packed in the black paper bag. Your rummage through it, yanking out three in your trembling fingers tips. For some reason, itâs easier this time. You pee, dip them in the cup and leave them lying horizontally on the bathroom counter in what feels like seconds. Your heart pounds every step of the way. Thereâs no way youâre pregnant. It wouldnât make any sense. Your legs jitter when you sit back onto the couch and everything feels like itâs going in slow motion. Or are you just moving really fast? You canât tell, setting a timer on your phone before pressing your palm against your heart, trying to calm the drumming against your ribs. Time goes quickly and thereâs a familiar buzzing signifying that your results are ready. You canât walk. You donât want to walk. It would be better not to know. But whatâs the harm in knowing when you already know theyâre negative. Itâs just a confirmation. Youâre not pregnant.
When you finally rise, your breath is shaky and your legs feel like logs as you drag yourself to the bathroom. The counter beckons you towards the tests, bright white light shining down upon them.
Two lines. On all three tests. Positive.
You canât breathe. Your hands are shaking so much and suddenly the floor feels closer than it should. Your heart threatens to burst from your chest and thereâs blood roaring in your head. You steady yourself against the sink, chest heaving beneath the loose shirt that you're sure belongs to Jeongguk. It feels surreal. The harsh light of your bathroom is hurting your eyes but you keep staring at the tests, the new information sinking in slowly. Suddenly youâre hyper-aware of your stomach, how the band of your underwear digs into the flesh of your hips. You canât think about anything else because it hits you then. What those tests mean apart from the positive two lines, you keep blinking at.
Pregnant. Youâre pregnant.
â
The first person you call isn't Jeongguk. It isn't your mother either or Yoona.
It's Soomi.
She picks up on the fourth ring, mumbling a hello that you struggle to hear over the sound of Bora whining in the background.
âBora! Sit down!â Soomiâs not focused on your conversation yet. Her voice is tight, clear irritation radiating through her words. Something hits the floor and thereâs a shrill echo of Boraâs cries ringing through the line. Soomi sighs heavily. âGive me a second. Iâll call you back.â And then the line goes dead.
Is that your future? Is that what you really want?
For some reason youâre crying. Thereâs a hot heaviness in your eyes that throbs dully in your skull, the coming of a headache. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, the lump in your throat making it hard for you to speak. Why did you even call Soomi in the first place? You canât remember why the panic youâd felt had driven you to dialling her number. Especially when she planted that seed of doubt in your head in the first place.
When she rings again, youâre tempted to decline the call. Soomi would even question why youâre telling her first instead of your mother or Jeongguk. But you donât know what else to do right now. You canât just throw all the tests away and act like this isnât happening. Thereâs a being developing inside you right now. A person that is both you and Jeongguk. And quite frankly youâre terrified.
âHey, sorry for that. Boraâs started throwing tantrums now. I just had to talk to her.â She sounds exhausted.
You nod, realizing a second later she canât see you. âUh, yeah.â Your throat is clogged. âItâs fine, don't worry.â
âHow are you then?â Thereâs a click of a door closing behind her.
âUmâŠâ You canât say it out loud, the words crawling back down your throat. Soomiâs quiet down the line, like she can feel the fear in your hesitation.
âY/N? Whatâs going on? Are you alright?â
You still can say anything, a tremble in your fingers that you canât control. âIâmâŠâ She waits, patient, and you know her eyebrows are furrowed together like they usually do when sheâs concerned.
Wouldnât it be easier to just say it all at once? Rip it off like a bandage? You settle for that, forcing the rushed sentence out of your mouth. âIâm pregnant.â
âYouâre what?â You open your mouth again but Soomi beats you to it. âYouâre pregnant?â Thereâs an incredulity there like sheâs still trying to process what youâd said. At least you are in the same boat.
âYes,â You reply, finally stepping out of the bathroom. The tests are shoved far into the back of the cupboard. Youâd taken care to store the boxes away too instead of dumping them into the trash. But now you long to sit, and the couch seems incredibly inviting. Itâs weird to crawl under the blanket, knees curled into your stomach. Thereâs a life blossoming there. A whole life.
âOh my god! Congratulations!â Sheâs practically vibrating down the line and her happiness has you pausing. Why is someone else more excited for your pregnancy than you? âHow far along are you? Does Jeongguk know yet? Iâm so happy for you!â
â...I donât know how far along I am. I just found out.â Your voice is monotone in comparison to her bubbly questions. She catches on quickly, falling silent at the lack of joy in your tone.
âOh. Are you alright? Werenât you trying for kids?â Now sheâs confused, hesitant to be happy when youâre not. The problem is, thereâs a small part of you thatâs elated. Finally, after all that time, hereâs what you wanted. Handed to you on a silver platter. But youâre too wary of it all right now. Thereâs ominousness creeping into your beautiful vision of a family, staining the picture dark. What if this rips you apart? What if it makes you hate Jeongguk? What if this is the wrong time? What if youâre a shit mother? Thereâs too much worry looming over parenthood. And itâs sitting on your shoulders.
The tears reappear, dripping down your cheeks fast.
âWe stopped,â You croak out.
âOh.â Soomiâs silence leaves your head throbbing. You know why you called. For reassurance. Someone needs to tell you itâs going to be okay. Not Yoona. Not Jeongguk. Not your mother. Soomi was the only one who could provide the reassurance you desperately needed. âY/N, are you happy?â She asks a heartbeat later, like she knows your thoughts.
You hiccup. âI donât know. I donât know what to feel or what to do.â
Thereâs a small hum from her lips. âOkay. How about you get a glass of water first. Anything you want to drink.â Sheâs right. Your hiccups keep interrupting her and theyâre uncomfortable. You leave the phone on the couch, returning after youâd chugged some water. âYouâre back,â She sounds relieved, sighing through the line. You mumble a sound of affirmation, digging your cold feet under the fluffy blanket. âRemember what I said about parenthood?â
âYes.â Of course you do, you hadnât forgotten a word sheâd said.
âI know I mentioned all the negative things but I donât want you to lose sight of all the little wonderful things. Having a child is both a blessing and a nightmare â and I know it sounds hypocritical of me to be talking about all the nice things that come with being a parent when I just had an argument with my daughter, but I promise you, thereâs so many moments that youâll cherish during this part of your life. Itâll change a lot, some for the worse, some for the better. But itâs worth it. So worth it.â
You stay silent, shuffling in the cushions. Thereâs an urge to touch your stomach and you give into it, feeling the warm skin beneath your palm thatâs going to stretch out, making room for the child within you.
âYou know,â Soomi continues, a waver in her voice. âI cried the first time Bora could walk without support from either of us. She wasnât that big and I was so proud of her but it felt like my baby was getting too old already. And now I can hardly get her to sit down.â She laughs softly. The memory sheâs shared warms you. You can see it now, the tiny little feet, the unsure steps. âYou know thatâs waiting for you, right? With Jeonggukâs energy, that kid will never be able to stay still.â
And then youâre smiling, an easy one that tugs at the corners of your mouth. The pads of your fingertips trail along your stomach. âHeâll be so happy,â You murmur. Thereâs not even a slight bump but you already feel different, now that youâre aware.
âI know he will. I saw him staring at all the kids when we were at the lake house. He really wanted this.â
You hum again, but the mention of the lake house makes you heart break. âI told him I wanted to stop trying then.â
âReally? Why? If I may ask.â
You want to say itâs because of her, but you bite your tongue. Soomi may be a bit harsh sometimes but she was a sweet person and didnât need to have that held over her head. âJust rethought it.â You settle for that instead. âWasnât sure if I was ready for parenthood just yet.â Sheâs quiet, like she can tell it was because of her.
âAre you happy, Y/N?â She asks again, not addressing the elephant in the room
You pause to think about her question. Really think about it. Jeongguk would be ecstatic. Over the damn moon. Yoonaâs been nudging you to join her in this next stage of life and your parents would be overjoyed too. And you? What are you feeling?
âIâm happy.â Thereâs a sense of surety there. No matter what happens, you longed for this just as much as Jeongguk has. Itâs a blessing. Even if itâs hard at the end of it all, itâs worth it. âIâm really happy.â
Soomiâs voice has a lilt in it. âIâm glad for you. You know itâs going to be okay. Jeongguk loves you too much to ever let either of you go.â
âI know,â You mumble, gaze on the door. âDo me a favour, donât tell anyone yet.â
âOf course! My mouth is shut. Call me if you need anything, love. I need to check on Bora before she puts herself in danger.â
âHmm, alright. Iâll call. And thank you Soomi.â Youâre warm all over, skin buzzing with an emotion you can decipher.
âAnytime. I need to run. If you need a good doctor, I can refer you to one!â
âThanks, Iâll let you know. Bye Soomi.â
It settles in when the line cuts, the feeling in your bones seeping into every limb. You are pregnant. Thereâs a miniature version of you and Jeongguk sitting inside your uterus. Evidence of your devotion to each other. Your love. You canât stop touching your stomach beneath the safety of the blanket, the sheer wonder of it all still lost on you. Then Jeongguk is pushing the door open, and your hand drops from your abdomen. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, tie loosely pulled from its knot and thereâs a glow in his brown eyes. You haven't seen them shine like that in months.
He toes his shoes fast and then heâs launching into the living room, a grin on his face that reaches your heart.
âHello, my love. Whatâs got you so happy?" You tentatively ask. Jeongguk doesnât reply, instead tackling you into the couch, firm arms wrapping around you. He holds you tight, this face buried into the hollow of your neck. You can feel his smile on your skin and your heart keeps fluttering. A wild butterfly caged in your chest.
âI got the promotion.â The alcohol reaches your nose then, remnants of his celebration still on his tongue. The words you want to share dance on your own tongue. But you keep them in check. Not now. You know when youâll tell him. Soon, but not now.
âReally! Iâm so proud of you. You deserve it, baby. Youâve worked hard.â You say into the tuft of his dark hair. He sighs against you, heart drumming against your chest. Content. âLet me warm your dinner. Iâll spoil you tonight.â
âI can think of other ways you can spoil me,â He grins, shifting so he can cup your chin, gently pulling you closer. You give in because you long to kiss him too. Have the surety of his warm mouth against yours, feel that love echo when you slip your tongue against his. He tastes like soju. But you brush it off, itâs probably not bad for the baby anyway. Itâs not like you can tell him to stop and google whether this is safe for you. Heâll ask and youâre not ready to share this with him just yet. So you let Jeongguk push you onto the couch, mouth still latched onto yours. Itâs easy to let go, lose yourself in his touch for a bit. Because itâs Jeongguk. The love of your life, the person who keeps you grounded, your best friend, and now the father of your child.
â
Soomi keeps an eye out for you at the party. She quietly orders virgins with you and the only person who seems to catch on is Jimin who keeps staring at her stomach with fear. But no one else is concerned, too busy exchanging stories over the table, their glasses clinking every once in a while. Taehyung keeps the liquor flowing, racking up a bill thatâs going to bite your wallet. But youâll let it slide for tonight ïżœïżœ after all it is Jeonggukâs birthday.
The man in question is glowing, a never ending smile gracing his cheeks. The promotion at work came at the perfect time. Heâs on a high, radiating pure unadulterated happiness. His joy spills over onto you and you canât help but stay beside his side all night, eyes locked on his bright face. The laughter of your friends feeds the love blossoming in your heart and it positively combusts with joy when that sheepish smile creeps onto his face when everyone sings to him âhappy birthdayâ. You leave the restaurant late; stories still being shared in the parking lot despite your friends halfway into their cars. Soomi sends you a wink as you carry Jeongguk towards the car and you catch the suspicious glance Jimin sends the two of you. Theyâll have an interesting discussion later, you bet.
Jeongguk lets you drive, still woozy from the shots Taehyung urged down his throat. He doesnât question that you hadnât drank anything. Youâd had a few bouts of morning sickness since youâd found out so avoiding alcohol in this situation was logical. Jeongguk thinks youâve got a stomach bug. He accepted that explanation so easily, not remembering the last time youâd had unprotected sex. The ride home is content and quiet, Jeongguk cuddled within himself in that passenger seat. Heâs beyond happy and itâs evident in the fond gentle glances heâs giving you. You pretend to not notice them, vibrating hard in your seat from the nerves wreaking havoc in your guts. Your fingers tap incessantly on the driving wheel, an accompaniment to the drumming of your heart.
Youâll tell him tonight.
The package is already at home, hidden in your underwear drawer. It's simple enough. A white ribbon tied neatly over the thin velvet black box and within it a positive pregnancy test, placed neatly inside a plastic zip bag, the cap on the tip on.
Youâd thought about how you wanted to tell him over and over again but this seemed like the best idea. Itâs not extravagant or dramatic and yet, for some reason youâre still so nervous.
When you kill the engine, your car now nearly slotted in the underground packing of your apartment, the silence is replaced by your rapid heartbeat. You turn to find Jeongguk staring at you, doe like eyes glimmering in the harsh glow on the parking lot lights. His mouth is turned upwards, cheeks flush from the alcohol in his system. Before you can say anything, distract yourself from your nerves, Jeonggukâs tugging off his seatbelt and leaning into your space, mouth moving onto yours. Itâs a soft kiss, one that has you buzzing like youâre a teenager again, falling in love for the first time. He keeps a warm palm on the nape of your neck, deft fingers gently pressing into the sensitive skin there. You canât help but curve into his caress, moaning quietly against his warm lips. When he pulls away you move to chase for it. He stops you by pecking your nose, leaving you blinking at him, hands clenched in your lap.
âThank you for tonight. I love you,â Jeongguk murmurs against your forehead, fingers weaving towards your own seatbelt. He unbuckles you quickly, hands now on your waist as he urges you into his lap. You clamber on top of him, mindful of the gears that hit your knees. It takes a while to settle but when you do Jeongguk holds you to his chest, fingers running along your side. Your heartbeat is in your stomach now and you long to blurt it out. He catches your mouth against his before you can say anything, tongue coaxing you open. You kiss because if you try and reply to his statement now youâll end up crying. Â You donât know how long to stay like this, making out in the basement of your apartment building like teenagers trying to hide from prying eyes. Itâs nice until your hip starts to hurt from the uncomfortable position.
âLetâs go inside. I have a present for you.â Youâre breathless in his arms, mouth wet from his lips against you. Jeongguk quirks an eye at that, shifting so that his crotch brushes against your stomach.
âReally? What kind of present?â He asks it slyly, hips rolling against you. You reward his bluntness with a smack on his shoulder, before opening the car door. âOw! You canât hit me, itâs my birthday.â
âHurry up or you wonât get your present,â you reply, slipping off of his lap.
âNot far.â He whines, but he gets out anyway, shutting the door behind him.
âI donât care.â You say, smiling back at him. âItâs a good one I promise.â
The questions start there and Jeongguk doesnât stray far from you as you head towards your apartment. He keeps a palm pressed against the small of your back, pulling away only to give you space to open the door. Inside he latches himself onto you again, dropping kisses along your neck until you gently push him on to the couch.
âWait here. Let me get the present.â He stares after your retreating figure when you head for the bedroom, curiosity making him finally stay silent. You return with a small black box and his mind starts guessing. A tie? The box isnât big enough. A toy? What toy is that small? A pen? Why would you give him a pen?
He accepts the box cautiously, fingers immediately tugging at the white ribbon knot. He can feel your eyes on him as his fingers close around the lid. It makes him pause, gaze flickering towards your face because he isnât sure what this is at all. Then he yanks the lid off, vision landing on the object within the box.
It takes him a moment to realise itâs a pregnancy test.
âAre you serious?â His hands are quivering but he plucks up the plastic bag that contains it anyway, dropping the box to the ground. His eyes are on you and thereâs tears welling within your own. Jeonggukâs head feels hot and his chest is too small, heart widely slamming into his ribs. âAre you actually serious? Youâre pregnant? Youâre pregnant!â The smile that breaks onto his face makes you laugh with joy and all you can do is nod your head. Jeongguk moves so fast from the couch, wrapping his arms around in. Your chests are pressed against each other, hearts communicating through rapid thumping. He keeps murmuring it against your ear, like he canât believe just yet.
âYouâre actually pregnant. Oh my god. Weâre having a baby.â Heâs trembling in your arms and when he pulls away to look at you, you hold him steady. Thereâs a twinkle in his eyes that makes your heart stop and then heâs kissing you. Itâs soft and sweet but thereâs an urgency with every press of his lips against yours, one that you feel too. You long to have him closer, fingertips already digging into the fabric of his shirt. It should be off on the floor right now. Jeongguk groans into your mouth when your hands slip underneath the fabric. Heâs practically levitating right now. Itâs impossible for him to get any happier. And then a thought hits him so hard heâs left breathless when he pulls away from your lips.
âIâm going to be a father? Holy shit â I â youâre actually pregnant?â
âYes, Jeongguk.â The shock on his face makes you giddy. You gesture to the test still clutched in his hand. âI really am.â You catch the wonder that whispers in his eyes when he glances at the test once more. Â And then heâs on you, hands settling on your waist as he kisses you like youâre oxygen and heâs drowning. His erection keeps nudging against your stomach and the movement has you dripping instantly, panties sticking to your core. When you naturally roll against him, you donât expect Jeongguk to pull away.
âWhat? Whatâs wrong?â He swipes his tongue over his rose lips, looking abashed. His eyes are still glued to your stomach.
âShit â sorry. I didnât mean to rub against you like that.â
You blink at him. Hard. Was the man who literally fucked a baby into you apologising for rubbing his erection against you? Really?
âJeongguk,â You begin, attempting to sound patient. âAre you not going to sleep with me this whole pregnancy?â
âCan we do that though? Have sex? It wonât put the baby at risk?â Heâs genuinely concerned, a hand coming out to brush against your tummy.
âIâll be fine, Jeongguk. The babyâs only five weeks anyway.â
âYou sure?â The warmth of his hand against you has you radiating, glowing bright like a star in the middle of the dark galaxy. You try not to preen under his attention, but the concern colouring his honey eyes makes your heart ache with fondness.
âYes, Iâll be fine.â You try to hide that emotion with a nonchalant roll of your eyes. He notes it with a gentle scoff, the palm on your hand stills though.
The firmness in his voice makes your cheeks warm. But then he glances at you again. âYouâre not tired? You donât want to sleep?â
âJeongguk, I suggest you take advantage of my libido before it disappears. Youâve already put a baby in me, whatâs stopping you now?â He must read the irritation in your voice well because he stops being coy and settles a hand on your hip to pull you closer.
âNothing, nothing at all,â He murmurs against your ear before easily lifting you up. The grin tugging at your lips is blissful, the feeling of Jeonggukâs sturdy arms guiding you to your bedroom licking at the flame in your core. You cling onto him, giggling in time with his slippers faintly pattering against the floorboards. You donât know how he flicks on the lights in the room but he does so without letting you go, the smile curving at his own lips pressed against your chest.
Your back touches the mattress gently, the act tender in itself. The look Jeongguk gives you makes your heart flutter, a soft warmth building in your gut has his hands wander across along your body, pausing at your waist which he clutches firmly. He fits perfectly between your spread legs, the silk dress you'd donned for tonight hitched up your thighs, revealing spans of skin that Jeongguk keeps staring at. His eyes roam over your body, glittering in a manner that makes your fingers itch to close the distance between your bodies. You can't help but stare at back him, a stupid grin on your lips because this is really all yours. He's yours and you love him. And he loves being yours too. You can tell it by the way Jeongguk leans down, slotting his lips against yours, his body pressed firmly into you. The twitch of his clothed cock against your core has you groaning into his mouth, the sparks that journey across your skin from every slight touch he gives your body intoxicating. Your hands are on him a beat later, slipping into his soft brown curls. When your nails scrap against the nape of his neck Jeongguk shivers, a minute movement that has his hips driving harder into yours. The grip that lands on your bare thighs triggers an arch in your back, lining you perfectly against him. There hasn't been an exchange of words yet but you can feel it in every roll of his hips, in the way his lips slip down to your neck, painting purple and blue marks along your skin and in the way he glances at you when he finally pulls away, petal lips bruised and a glaze in his honey eyes that makes you want to do dangerous things.
"I love you." There's another kiss on your lips. His hands are in your underwear, fingertips toying with your wet folds. "I love you so much. So much." Another kiss and an expert flick against your clit. You think your heart might burst. It feels too full of adoration, bruising your ribs with every erratic thump inside of your chest. You just tug him closer, directing his mouth towards yours again and kissing him hard enough to leave a print of your ardour for him on his lips for eternity.
"I love you too." You mumble it into the air, the sentence soft and warm, containing all the adoration you feel towards him. Jeongguk beams, brighter than the sun. Your love for him blinds you but you don't mind it. No one has ever made you as happy as Jeongguk has. No one has ever made you feel like Jeongguk has. You love him so much that it hurts. And you know he loves you just as much too.
It comes easy, the way your clothes fall off your body as he kisses you. Suddenly your bare bodies in a bed, the desperation in your touches heady. He leaves you breathless when he finally settles himself between your legs. The first lick of his tongue against your dripping core has your hands balling into the sheets. Jeongguk doesn't wait for you to register the feeling of his mouth against your cunt. He hikes your legs over his shoulders, tongue slipping deep into your cunt. You jolt from the intrusion but Jeongguk pins you down, grip firm as he forces you to take every deft swipe of his tongue against your pussy. He knows how to unravel you, and he does so quickly, not holding back anything as he licks you open, groaning deep into your cunt. It's the little sighs that do you in, the mumbles of praise that he murmurs into you that spark something in your gut.
"Jeongguk." It's hitting you fast, a tremble in your thighs that you can't control spreading warmth throughout your body.
He hums, parting from your cunt with his mouth covered in your need. It gives you a moment to breathe, but then he plants a kiss on your folds and you feel your brain melt into mush. "You taste so good," Jeongguk murmurs, before swirling his tongue around your clit - a skilled motion that elicits a rush of slick from your core. "So fucking good," he reiterates, despite you protesting squirms, the hands on your hip unforgiving. And then his tongue is back inside of you, fucking you open with a vigour that leaves you heady. There's nothing that can stop your fingers slipping into his hair, nails scraping his scalp with how hard you grip at the locks on his head. Your hips rise subconsciously, grinding his face into your cunt and slipping his tongue deeper and deeper until you feel it snap. He reads your body too well, the heave in your chest enough indication that your high is hitting you. And just before it does, his tongue is on your clit, licking at the sensitive bud the way he knows you like it. It happens all at once, a heat bursting through your system and your thighs suddenly begging to be clamped shut. But Jeongguk keeps them open, laving at your core as you shudder beneath him, vision blank and your nerves tingling with pleasure.
The waves barely subside, but you force your eyes to focus, the gentle press of Jeongguk's lips on your cunt making your toes curl. When you glance down, gaze floating over Jeongguk finally departing from between your legs, your heart bursts. His face is flushed rouge, a pretty tint over his golden skin, and his curls are tumbling into his face mussed from your fingertips racking through his hair. Even from here you can see how hard he is, straining against the fabric of his boxers, the print of his cock reigniting a fire in your gut that blazes through your nerves straight to your core. He notes the direction of your gaze with a loop-sided grin before he's descending onto you, trapping you within his sturdy arms. His mouth is on yours a second later, tongue slipping against yours. The groan that melts down your throat has your heart thumping, and your hands travel down his back, yanking him down until his crotch is pressed right against your own. You like the way you taste on his tongue, and it shows by how you kiss him, lips eager for more and more. The moment wraps itself around you, needs forgotten for a moment as you learn each other through your kisses all over again. It leaves you breathless, a tiny sigh drifting from your mouth when you finally part, and the look in Jeongguk's dark eyes evoking a thrill through your system. It's the instinctual thrust of his hips into yours that has the mood changing, like a trigger has been set off because suddenly you're needy, pawing at him until he gives in. You can feel him against you, twitching into your heat, the damp spot building on the fabric a result of both of your desires. There's a chaste kiss along your neck, Jeongguk slowly working his hips into you, but the pulse inside of your core demands for something more. Your fingers tug at the band of his underwear, impatient as you push down the fabric. He just laughs, mouth pressed into the hollow of your neck, hips raised to assist in your ministrations. It takes some wiggling before they're off, discarded someone off the edge of the bed.
"Aren't you needy â oh fuck." Your hand is wrapped around his length; the twists you give around him shallow but you know him well enough to know where to apply pressure. It doesn't take long from Jeongguk to crumble into you, the breaths against your neck shallow and quick and his cock leaking all over your hand. He feels good like this, thick and velvet-like against your palm, a weight you ache to have in your mouth. But then your walls flutter, clenching on nothing as Jeongguk groans into your shoulder, his hips pistoning into your hand and your brain can focus on nothing but having him inside of you, filling you up like he should.
"Baby." There's a careful edge to his tones. The profanity he whispers a moment later melts into the heat of your skin. "Keep doing that and I'll cum." He feels taunt above you, like a string on the verge of snapping.
"You could do that inside of me," you retort, twisting your hips up. It's only a slight brush but Jeongguk is swearing into the heat of the air. His hands are on the back of your thighs in an instant, hoisting you up to meet him as he settles himself between your legs, the head of his cock nudging against your core.
"You're a menace," Jeongguk retorts, pressing his length into you. His eyes are on your core, marvelling at how wet you are, practically drenching his cock in your slick. It doesn't help that you look gorgeous like this underneath him, his hands wandering back to your waist as he tugs you closer. The soft smile gracing your lips makes his heart ache. He pushes in without really thinking it over, the urge to fill you up overriding any other thought in his brain. The gasp you let out urges his hips to hit deeper, the feeling of your tight wet walls fluttering around his length euphoric. He loves every part of you but your cunt has a special place in his heart if he's being honest with himself. You fit around him perfectly, like you were made for him. Even after years of being with him it still takes him breath away, how easy you welcome his length into you, the noises you make when he's inside you. The first time you'd had sex Jeongguk had nearly cried. He'd never reached his climax that quick and it hit him hard, slamming into his body as he fucked you into the mattress. For some reason he feels the same way now, balls tight with his release, begging to coat your walls in his cum. He tries not to stare at your tummy but it's instinctual.
You sigh when he bottoms out, the curve of your bum pressed neatly against his balls. "But you love me."
Jeongguk scoffs lightly, rocking his hips hard. "I don't."
You ignore the butterflies that erupt in your stomach because you know he's lying. The look in his eyes as he gazes at your stomach says something else entirely.
"You do," you retort, raising your hips to match his thrusts. "You love me." The curve of his cock rubs right where you need him most, but it's not the hard pounding you expected from him tonight. He's going uncharacteristically slow, the drag inside of you steady but not fierce. Like he's purposely prolonging this, hanging onto the feeling of your cunt wrapped around him. There's a distance in his eyes that makes you clench your walls on purpose, hard enough to yank Jeongguk back into reality. He responds with a hard thrust, one that coaxes a low moan from your lips. He hums low, hips still driving you into the sheets.
"Yeah I do." It makes your heart swoop, the heat that envelopes your body intoxicating.
The sound of you meeting fills the room, your slick dripping over Jeongguk's length. For a moment you watch how he disappears inside of you. It leaves a tingle travelling through your body, to see how well you take his cock, how he groans deep every time he buries himself inside of you. But then your eyes flicker back to Jeongguk and his unwavering gaze on your stomach. Even the hands settled on your waist are ginger, gripping you like you're fragile. It's only then do you remember the concerns he'd voiced.
"You can go harder," you murmur, the tremor in your voice a result of how good he's fucking you despite the gradual pace he'd opted for.
Jeongguk hums, still driving his cock deep into you. He's not really concerned about that. His hips move slow because he's still marvelling at the fact that you're pregnant. That the child developing inside of you belongs to the both of you. That he fucked a baby into you. It sets off something oddly primal in his brain, dragging up an urge that he has to bite down on. That's why he goes slow, savouring every whimper and sigh that falls from your bruised lips. Etching the way your body feels under him, pliant to his desires. How you stare at him with that soft look clouding your gaze. He doesn't want this to end. Even with the pressure in his balls tight, he drags it out, drowning the words that threaten to torrent from his heart with the sound of your meeting. It echoes in the room, colouring the air with your mutual love for one another. He lets it wrap around him, revels in it. But then you're wrapping an arm around him and tugging him down. His face lands into your shoulder and his palms get lost in the sheets. He feels your legs straddle around his waist, drawing him deeper and deeper and Jeongguk feels his resolve crumble into dust.
"Oh." The little exclamation fluxes into the crook of your neck, lost into the heat of your skin. It ignites something in your gut and your hips rise to meet his quickening pace. There's an edge lingering behind your eyes and you want it so bad. Jeongguk hears the desperation in the way you whine his name and he moves with purpose now, pounding you hard into the sheets mercilessly. It's what you want and Jeongguk intends to give you everything and anything you desire. Especially now that you're the mother of his child.
His high hits him quick, a fast sweet thing that zips down his spine has your walls cling around his length, holding him in like you need him there. There's nothing that can stop it, but you join him a beat later, your bodies moulding into each other, space nonexistence as your rapid heartbeats fall into sync. You feel him twitch inside of you, cum pooling around your entrance, and your brain short circuits for a moment. Â There's a warmth ebbing from your core, echoing deep inside of your bones and the added feeling of your boyfriend caging you in his arms, his cum slipping from your core, unlocks something in your brain. It makes your heart fall into ease too, and you can't help but cling onto the security of his being even when he's mumbling about cleaning the two of you up in your ear.
"No.â The protest falls from your pouty lips, a neediness colouring your voice that Jeongguk canât help but smile at. The glitter of his brown eyes leaves you swooning, but not as hard as the quick peck he delivers on your check a second later.
"Please," He reasons, voice gentle. "You're gonna feel gross tomorrow."
Your legs are reluctant but they fall away regardless. "Be quick."
He plants another faint kiss to your lips again before rising. "Of course I will."
â
âYou stink.â
Jeongguk laughs at the grimace painting your features as he dives into you, smashing your nose straight into the pit of his armpit. He reeks, skin still slightly sticky from putting his muscles to work in the gym downstairs. Normally, he would prefer to drive out to the gym heâd signed a membership for. Heâd usually shower there before heading home. However, since the news of the new addition to your family Jeongguk had been adamant on staying near home. Though the equipment in your building was arbitrary Jeongguk refused to go out further than needed. Even when you desperately wanted him to. For instance, right at this very moment. You can feel the revulsion forming at the back of your throat as he nuzzles you into his arms. You gag on it, shoving him off harshly. You canât even muster a playful smile when he stares at you in confusion, face downcast.
âWhatâs wrong?â He says it innocently, oblivious to the stench thatâs emitting from him. Normally, you donât mind Jeongguk post work-out must. But something in your brain has registered his current sweat drenched body as the vilest thing on Earth.
âYou stink,â You reiterate, shifting away from him. Jeongguk pouts, sniffing at the tight fabric that stretches over his firm muscles.
âThat bad?â
âLike a pig. Please go shower.â You snap, snatching up the bag of salt and vinegar chips youâd left behind in you flee from Jeongguk. Usually you didnât like the way this flavour lingered in your mouth, yet somehow with the past couple of days youâd demolished more packets of them than youâd ever eaten in a single month in your entire life.
âThat is not the food a pregnant woman should be eating,â He comments, voice coloured with disdain. He attempts to pluck it out of your hands, but the sharp glare you target at him halts his movements immediately.
âDonât talk to me when you smell like that.â
He frowns, raising a hand to rake through the damp brown curls sticking to his scalp. âYou hate the way salt and vinegar crisps smell. Why the hell are you eating them at this rate?â
âWhy are you not in the shower yet?â The eyebrow raised directly at him pokes at his composed temperament.
âY/N. Apart from those, what else have you eaten today?â When you donât answer Jeongguk evades your space once again. You cough back the bile thatâs coating your throat.
âWe had breakfast together, you know what I ate.â He doesnât take the retort well, sighing heavily as he blinks at you.
âBreakfast was hours ago. What did you eat in between that? I want a serious answer.â Thereâs enough gravity in his words to make you mumble out what heâs asking to hear.
â....Bread.â
âBread?â He repeats it like he canât believe it, tone coloured with incredulity. âBread. You just ate bread. Was there anything on the bread? Tell me it was a sandwich at least.â
âNo. Just plain bread.â
The sigh he emits now is loud and full of frustration. âBread? Y/N, youâre pregnant. You canât just eat plain bread thatâs not enough for you.â
âI know,â You snap back, a harshness in your voice that even surprises you. It makes Jeongguk pause for a moment, but youâre already too worked up to care about backtracking your thoughts. âI know that I should be eating nutritional stuff Jeongguk but I canât. I literally canât. I feel like Iâm going to throw up over everything. Itâs so hard to force food down my throat when I feel like itâs going to come right back up. So stop getting at me for that. Iâm trying, I really am. Just let me be.â
He tilts his head, the perturbation in his eyes tangible. Thereâs a moment of silence between the two of you that lingers, Jeonggukâs gaze unwavering. It makes you feel uncomfortable, and you squirm away subconsciously. The minute moment has a dark cloud settling over Jeonggukâs features.
âIâm sorry,â He doesnât make a move to kiss or hug you - which youâre both grateful for and irked at. Itâs a peculiar feeling, repulsing your partner. Â âI get that your sensitive right now. Iâm just worried. You know tomorrow is our first prenatal visit. Youâre still taking the vitamins right?â
âI am,â You affirm, sticking your hand back into the packet of crisps. âAnd stop worrying. Youâre making me nervous.â
He sighs again, rubbing the nape of his neck with unease. In one fluid motion heâs off the couch, taking the atrocious smell with him. âIâm sorry again. Iâll go shower. Please, just consider eating something that isnât salt and vinegar chips while Iâm gone. And drink some water. Please? For me?â The pleading look he gives you, doe eyes wide, plasters itself into your brain. You mumble a noise of agreement, waiting impatiently for him to walk away. He does so with one last long look at you, his eyes holding a miscellany of emotions that you canât decipher. You donât want to either, but the feeling they give you creeps through your chest, sneaking its way into your heart.
When he's gone, you dig into your crisps unabashedly, yet for some reason the taste of them leaves a film of disgust in your mouth. You try to chug it away with a bottle of water but it lingers, provoking a wave of nausea that has you taking deep breaths. The show playing on the television is monetarily forgotten as you wander into the kitchen in search of something to calm your unsettled stomach. The cluster of bananas sitting in your fruit basket catch your eyes simply because the vision of Jeongguk staring at you with that imploring gaze is still vivid in your memory. Heâs right though - youâre not eating enough healthy food to sustain the current exertion your body is undergoing. Making a whole human being is incredibly difficult and it was taking a huge toll on your body. From the constant nausea to the back pain and sudden scent sensitivity, you were feeling overwhelmed. Your moods had suffered too, your patience running thin with Jeongguk more often than not. The lethargy your body feels seeps negativity into every aspect of your life - and it didnât help that Seungmin was still breathing down your neck asking for reports left right and centre like you had nothing better to do with your time. There had been a couple of close calls at the office this week weâre youâd nearly snapped at him, but youâd managed to hold yourself back in time. However, all those repressed emotions are following you, reappearing in the way you flare up at Jeongguk for the slightest mistake. Itâs starting to eat away at you, this guilt that youâre treating him like this despite your boyfriend trying his best to provide you with everything and anything you wanted. Thatâs why you grab one of the bananas, swiftly peeling it open.
But then the smell hits you, quick and hard leaving no room for you to force back the vomit that nearly spews from your mouth. You barely make it to the toilet in time, head held over the bowl as you hurl out the obscene amount of carbs youâd consumed for the day.
You donât even hear his footsteps but the sudden hard gently rubbing on your back isnât unwelcome. He murmurs softly over the sound of you heaving, crouching next to your huddle figure, worry violently radiating from him. Itâs a few more retches before it passes, you mouth bitter with the remnants of salt and vinegar crisps. It makes your eyes sting, and suddenly your throat is clogged with a devastating despondency that swallows you whole. You donât even feel like you can move from the toilet, holding your head in your hands as you choke back tears. You feel discomfort everywhere, and this is merely the beginning of your pregnancy. Seven weeks in and a part of you is ready to quit it all already.
Jeongguk coaxes your head up, gently urging a glass of water into your hands that you use to rinse your mouth out. The distress in his eyes doesnât help quell any of the negative thoughts swimming in your brain.
âAre you okay?â He murmurs, voice soft in the echo of your bathroom. His hair is still damp from his shower, golden skin on display - evidence he didnât have enough time to tug a shirt over his head before he came to your aid.
âObviously not,â You bite back, and then immediately regret it when you see the fall on his face. âI donât think Iâll throw up again, but I really want to lie down.â He nods, evidently glad youâve given him something to work with.
âCâmere.â You make a motion at the mess in the toilet but he brushes it off. âDonât worry, Iâll clean it.â Â His arms lift you up easily, gingerly guiding you to the couch where he nestles you in the soft cocoon of pillows and blankets, fretting incessantly over whether you truly feel comfortable or not. And then, heâs gone. You hear the sound of the toilet being scrubbed even though youâre in the living room and your nausea rears its ugly head for a split second. Itâs a dangerous lurch in your stomach that thankfully subsides when you close your eyes and breath slow. Jeongguk walks in on this, shirt soaked with the droplets of water slipping from his curls and his phone in his hand. You donât see it but heâs staring hard at his phone, eyes swiftly reading through a series of web-pages, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He wishes he could just text his mom the question plaguing his brain but he canât. Youâd both decided to hold back the pregnancy announcement until the first ultrasound. But in situations like this Jeongguk wishes that his mother knew. Or anyone he could trust for advice really. He feels like heâs waddling blindly through deep waters, constantly making the wrong decisions because you keep snapping at him. Even now that youâre reposed on the couch, face lax, he can still see how dull your skin is. It makes his heart ache. For the duration of your pregnancy the morning sickness had been present - but it had never been this bad. Coupled with your other symptoms, Jeongguk truly feels like the worst partner in the world for not being able to alleviate somewhat of your troubles.
Thatâs why he heads to the kitchen with purposeful steps, snatching up the half peeled banana youâd deposited on the counter before fleeing for the bathroom and dumping it into the trash. You blink your eyes open to the sudden sound of Jeongguk knocking pots onto the stove and rummaging deep through the fridge.
âWhat are you doing?â You croak, voice weak over the droning of the television.
Jeongguk twists to face you, a tiny smile on his lips but his eyes are nervous. He asks it anyway because if he does nothing heâll feel useless. âHow do you feel about ginger tea?â
âIâm listening,â You say. The smile on your lips is tired, but the fact that itâs there is enough confirmation to ease the worry that had become a permanent fixture in Jeonggukâs heart.
â
His jittering is getting on your nerves. Jeonggukâs always been one to move around to alleviate his anxiety but by doing so at this very moment, heâs adding to yours. You already feel sick to your stomach, the candescene of the clinic lights sparking an ache in your eyes. Instinctively, you reach out from your perch in the leather chair, giving his jerky knee a firm but tight squeeze. The movement halts immediately and from your peripheral gaze you note the sheepish smile that spreads across your boyfriendâs lips.
âSorry,â he whispers into the sterile air. Hospitals always have that sharp alcohol smell and youâre quickly coming to the conclusion that you donât like that smell at all.
âItâs okay,â you return. âYouâre just making me nervous, babe.â
Heâs got your hand in his a second later. âI know. Iâm sorry. I just canât believe this is real.â
You huff. âWell you better start believing. This is very much real.â Maybe thatâs whatâs causing the mini freak-out in your mind. The gravity of the situation was slowly starting to dawn on you. Maybe it was the smell of the clinic, or maybe it was the equipment surrounding both of you. But it was all becoming very real that this was happening.
Jeongguk seems to have noted the flash of panic flooding your features but before you can say anything the door clicks open and a sharp lady with pin straight hair walks in.
âGood morning, Mr and Mrs Jeon. Apologies for keeping you waiting. I hope everything is alright.â She moves quickly, dropping a chart on the counter beside the wall before turning to face the both of you. You quirk an eyebrow at how she addresses you but Jeongguk doesnât make a comment, instead quickly rising to give her a small bow.
âMorning Doctor Lee, everythingâs alright. Just some morning sickness and fatigue but otherwise sheâs doing okay.â
She grants you a small glance, the smile on her face gentle. âThatâs to be expected. Thereâs some remedies I can suggest but for the most part you just have to work through it. Otherwise, we can get into the first ultrasound.â
You give her a nod, hand still intertwined with Jeonggukâs and a strange knot tight in your throat.
âAlright, go ahead and lie down for me,â Lee says, dimming the lights in the room. She raises your shirt up when youâve gotten comfortable, handing you a paper sheet to prevent the gel from staining your clothes. Your exposed belly in the faint glow of the monitor screen ticks of something in your head. But you bury that feeling away, focusing on the feeling of Jeonggukâs callused palm against your own.
âOkay, just undo your pants and tug them down for me.â You do as instructed, wiggling in the seat until the curve of your stomach is out for all to see. You can feel Jeonggukâs eyes on it, the sudden squeeze he bestows your hand a clear indicator.
âThe gel is warmed but it still might be a little bit uncomfortable,â Lee continues. Sheâs right, but you let her spread it around anyway, the pounding in your heart frantic. âSo weâre going to do a simple heart-tracing,â she says as she presses the probe into your skin. âThis is just a general check on how your baby is developing.â You nod again, ignoring the deft hard press of the probe and she shifts it around
âSee if you look here.â Your eyes snap right to the monitor, mind trying to decipher the blobs on the screen into a person growing inside of you. âThereâs your babyâs arm, and right there is the head and neck. Theyâre developing very well. Look thereâs the rib cage, and thereâs the spine.â
âWow,â Jeongguk murmurs into the silence of the room.
Lee laughs, pressing the probe in a little deeper. âThereâs the heart, and if I go down⊠Yes, thereâs the stomach. And right there is your umbilical cord. Everything seems to be coming along well. Oh, look!â You canât even rip your gaze away from the screen if you wanted to. âThereâs the baby moving, see how the arm is raising?â
You can see it, a tiny slight movement that you donât even register happening within you. Your baby is moving. Maybe you let out a little gasp, maybe your grip on Jeonggukâs hand goes taunt, but suddenly this seems real with a clarity youâve never felt before.
âAlright, so Iâm seeing no anomalies. So weâll do a crown-rump length measurement. This will give us a possible date of birth for your baby. But from the information you gave youâre thinking youâre around nine weeks along, right?â
âYes.â Your voice feels far from your body.
âOkay, let me just take a look at the rest of your body. I can see that your bladder is full, thatâs good,â she says. You zone out then, lost in the sudden violent realisation that youâre growing a life inside of you. It feels slightly terrifying in the faint blue glow of the room. And it worsens when Jeongguk starts asking questions, mumbling about your food aversions and diet. Doctor Lee responds in that calm collected tone of herâs, giving him suggestions that you see him eagerly internalise. Yet you donât hear much of what she says, too busy staring at the image on the monitor.
âWould you like me to take a picture?â Lee suddenly states. âWe canât determine gender at this stage but I could take a few pictures of the baby and have them printed out for you.â
âYes,â you say. âWeâd like that.â
Lee nods, the softness of her gaze enough to ground you for a moment. âLet me just move this around here. Weâd like one with the baby up and in a good position.â You canât tell if Jeongguk is breathing beside you, his sudden silence vaguely concerning. But this his fingertips feather down your side, reassuring, a reminder that heâs here for you.
âAlright then, that sums up what weâre able to do for your first ultrasound. I just need to check some of the reports and then Iâll get back to you. Hereâs some towels so you can clean yourself up.â She leaves you buttoning your pants up, the lights back on and a weight sitting heavy on your shoulders.
âOur kid is gorgeous.â Jeongguk breaks the silence with that, tugging your hand into his once more.
âWe havenât even really seen him, Jeongguk,â you return. Thereâs a delirious smile pulling at your lips. Yes, youâre worried about this new challenge. Parenthood truly did not feel like a joke, but every time you look at Jeongguk. See the bright adoration blooming in his eyes, that fear canât help but subside. It virtually disappears when he brushes a kiss against your forehead, plucking up the tissues youâd used to wipe the gel off.
âHim? How do you know our baby is a boy, hmm?â Thereâs the thud as the tissues hit the bottom of the garbage can. You shift to help him clean up but Jeongguk stops you with a firm palm against your belly, honey eyes staring at you with tenderness.
âI donât know,â you return. âI think itâs a boy. But I donât really care. I just want a healthy baby.â
He flicks your nose fondly. âI feel the same way, my love. Everything seems to be going well so far. I just need you to eat a little better. You heard what Doctor Lee said.â
âI know,â you groan. âBut the baby hates everything! Itâs not my fault Iâm not hungry.â
âI know, my love. But you still need to eat. Where do you want to go for lunch today? Iâm thinking Paulâs.â Jeongguk sweeps the rest of the mess up, ever so diligent and nit-picky. âIâm craving pasta.â
âFine, but donât expect me to finish anything. Those portions are always too ââ
âMr Jeon?â The door swings open, Lee striding in with an envelope and her chart tucked underneath her white coat. âHereâs the ultrasound photo. As for the estimation date, weâre thinking around May 17th. If you have any other questions we can discuss them now.â
âI think weâre clear of any questions right now,â Jeongguk responds, gently taking the envelope from her outstretched hand. âThank you, Doctor Lee.â
âAlright, let me know if anything happens or if any questions arise,â she says. âIâll see you at your next appointment.â She sends you off with a smile, and the worry that claws at your insides ebbs away the moment your feet leave her office.
Itâs in the car that you rip open the envelope. It feels weird, holding the picture in your hands. Because thatâs your baby. Thatâs something you and Jeongguk made together. A life forming inside of you. Jeongguk leans into your space, a hand on your thigh as your both stare at the picture together, attempting to pinpoint where the arms and legs are forming. Itâs surreal, knowing that this was happening inside of you right now.
âThatâs our baby,â you whisper. Jeongguk grins, planting a warm kiss on your check.
âYeah, thatâs our baby.â
â
Your bump grows steadily over the course of your pregnancy. Suddenly waist bands are too tight, jeans donât clasp shut, and youâre left rummaging through your closet for anything that sits loose enough to alleviate your discomfort. Jeonggukâs sweatpants swiftly migrate to your closet becoming a favourite item for you to don until one day Soomi insists on taking you maternity shopping. Itâs not your favourite activity, to be honest. The harsh lights in the changing rooms illuminate your drastically changing body, bouncing off the roundness of your belly. Itâs surreal, to see yourself alter like this, a totally new person staring back at you from the reflection. But you amuse her regardless, not minding the loose fitted clothes she swamps over you with that delicate smile of hers.
You and Jeongguk tell your parents first, during one late afternoon lunch, before announcing the news to everyone else you know. Thereâs hesitation in the initial reception, expected comments at the lack of your matrimony being muttered amongst your grandparents and parents. But that quickly dissipates when you hand them a picture of a recent ultrasound. They fall in love immediately, cooing and simpering with adoration for the child growing within you. Itâs around then that the glow sneaks around, your skin vibrant and the smile on your lips unwavering. But the pregnancy isnât perfect, there are still bouts of morning sickness and a growing pain at the base of your back that refuse to disappear despite advice for others and consistent care from Jeongguk himself. You manage through it though, a strange feeling blossoming in your chest whenever he places an absentminded palm against your belly, like a security blanket shielding you away from the bitter coldness of the world.
You canât help but think about that feeling as you stare yourself in the mirror, sans clothes, tummy spreading far from body. With your first trimester essentially over, the changes in your body have become more rapid. Itâs been odd to glance down and find a swell there instead of your usual tummy with its rolls and softness. Your fingertips give in, poking gently at the skin there. Itâs still soft â just different, a firmness that tugs at your heart meeting your fingers. You should have gotten into the shower ages ago, a meeting awaiting your morning at the office. Jeonggukâs up too, the faint padding of his slippers echoing through the walls. You donât realise how close heâs drawing until the door slides open, brown curls and wide eyes appearing from the sudden gap. Thereâs no need to hide, his gaze falling on your bare skin gently.
âAre you going to get in any day soon or is your body more fascinating to look at?â Heâs annoyed. Despite your insistence Jeongguk doesnât like the idea of you going into a stressful environment that you hate on most days, especially when his new position covers both of you. Seungmin doesnât know yet too, and your manager is still a pain in the ass on good days. He doesn't want that around you when your body is preoccupied with creating life. But the idea of wasting away on the couch watching reruns of sitcoms and shunning away the comfort foods you once enjoyed sounds abhorrent. Youâd rather be in the office while you can, and your colleagues are wonderful to â better company than a television show.
âYou donât think my body is fascinating?â He sees your pout in the mirror, shifting forward with a small smile on his own lips.
âI never said that.â The words wrap around you the same time his arms do, strong and firm but delicate in how he handles you. His lips meet your neck a beat later, the adoration they leave sinking straight into your heart. It warms you from head to toe, burning when his hands fall to your belly instinctively. âItâs more than fascinating.â
You hum, rocking into his chest. âIs it?â Your eyes donât leave the mirror, engraving this image into the base of your mind where it will live with a clarity as clear as the sky. Jeongguk on the other hand is too busy looking at you, eyes trained on your face like heâs staring at a constellation hanging high in the velvet of the night. His hands travel, dropping low to settling at your hips. His own brushes against you, want evident through the loose fabric of his shorts.
âDo you want me to show you how fascinating it is?â
âI'm gonna be late for work, Jeongguk.â
âYou donât have to go at all,â he returns, a gentle press of his lips on your neck accompanying the statement.
âAnd why would I want to do that?â You retort, but your resolve is weak, body already pliant to the gentle shift of him as he draws you close.
âYou donât have to want to not go â I can just make you.â
âJeonââ
His wandering hand is now at your chest, the fingertips that trail along your skin are delicate and yet they leave blazes of heat in their wake. âPlease,â he burns the word into your skin, lips leaving a soft mark. âJust for today.â You feel it then, the crumble of your resolution. It happens the moment his hand slips low, right between your legs, grazing soft the way you like it. His other hand stays at your chest, squeezing soft before he catches your nipple between his fingertips. A precise flick, and the press of his tongue on your neck has you succumbing faster than the shore does to the hungry tide.
âJeonââ He makes you watch, fingers landing right where you need them, sure deft presses against the nerves there. Your thighs are drawn taunt already, heightened by the sensitivity of your newfound body. It catches you gaze in the mirror, that bump, peaking forward as he works your open with his fingers. You can feel his muscles shift, ready to spin you, lift you up onto the counter like heâs done before and find his way between your legs. But you decide then, that you donât want that just yet.
âWait â wait, Jeongguk. Wait, I want something else first.â He halts, pauses with a curiosity in his dark gaze that makes you nervous for some reason. In baited silence you turn, shuffling away from him and sinking on your knees in a fluid motion.
âYou donât have to ââ He starts, but you donât let him finish.
âBut I want to you.â
âBaby.â Itâs laced with apprehension, but his cock is hard at the sight of you like this, pliant and on your knees, a pretty picture burned into his memory. âYour knees,â Jeongguk mumbles, gripping the counter when your mouth his dick through the fabric of his shorts. âYouâre going to be in pain.â
âYou know I like pain, Jeongguk.â And then your tugging the fabric down, sighing when he springs out, hard and needy. Heâs already leaking, tip red and wet. He wants to say something, but it vanishes when you swallow him whole, head bumping into the back of your perfect throat with an evil ease. The groan that falls from his mouth and unearthly, painting the air warm. Heâs forgotten how good your mouth is, how eager you work your tongue around him, fast and quick over delicate nerves that fall victim to your ministrations quick. Heâs not normally this fast in reaching his edge, but the sight of you, naked and full in the mirror plague the back of his mind. It shouldnât be hot but that fact that youâre carrying his child does something to base part of Jeonggukâs brain that he canât put into words. Itâs what drives his hips forward, motions muted because he doesnât want to overwhelm you. But you donât care, forcing more of his length down your throat until you gag, lips glistening bright under the bathroom lights.
âBaby,â Jeongguk mumbles, his hand reaching to pull you off his cock. âBaby â please â gonna cum if you donât stop.â
You pull off with an obscene wet pop, licking your lips sinfully. âBut thatâs what I want.â You see him twitch, length dripping wet.
âNo,â Jeongguk whines. âNot when I wanna cum in you.â
âReally?â He doesnât even know why youâre surprised.
âYes,â he answers anyway. âReally.â Youâre pulled from the ground softly, and spun to face the mirror with care. His clothes hit the ground then, firm tan arms wrapping around you. They bend you forward, rest your hands onto the counter so you have support when he sinks down behind you, nudging your legs open with purpose.
âThought you wanted to â oh fuck.â Jeongguk hums at that, tongue slipping right between your folds. He licks you open with a fierceness that has your knees shaking, deft movements filled with urgency. It sparks that heat in your gut, allows to spread fast through your body as his face burrows deep between your legs. His hands hold you still though, carefully protecting your belly against the bathroom counter. You canât focus on anything but the feeling of his tongue sliding in deep, coaxing your walls apart eagerly. When he finally parts from your cunt youâve forgetting how to breathe, forehead pressed against the cool counter and your lungs heaving.
âGood girl,â Jeongguk comments, dropping a swift kiss on your core. âWet like this just for me, right?â
You sigh, a tiny noise of agreement. âJust for you.â
Jeongguk doesnât comment, gripping you hard as he rises again, cock nudging right against your cunt with ease. He doesnât move though, hands coming to gently lift your head. He forces you to look, honey eyes coloured dark even in the glimmer of the lights. His fingers journey along your features, quietly claiming the skin they touch.
âAll of this, only for me, right?â
âAll for you,â you immediately comply, hips shifting back. You want him so bad it hurts.
He pauses at your belly, settling at the base of it, swell cupped in his hand. âOnly for me.â You donât reply at first, because it feels like something Jeongguk is saying to himself. But then he looks at you, waiting, the grip on your body firm and unforgiving.
âYours.â Itâs whispered into the morning, like a secret of the night instead. Jeongguk smiles, that bright grin youâve grown to love feeding the fire that burns fast within you.
âMine,â he brands the word into your skin with a kiss on your neck. âForever?â
âForever.â
He buries himself deep them, splitting you open with one sure thrust that coaxes a moan from the back of throat. It melts into the air, walls already adjusting to his length. You can feel the slick coating your inner thighs, tainting the base of his crotch and dripping down his length. You sway, but Jeongguk holds you up, keep your gaze focused on the mirror as his hips draw away, before returning back with a force that catches your tongue between your teeth. He fucks you hard with a need youâve never felt before, a purpose driving his hips forward until you feel your body given way, the sound of your meeting resounding through the room, hard and fast and wet. And yet his hands hold you together carefully, delicate with your fragility but firm like he needs you to know something. You think you do, and this side of him is both pleasant and terrifying. Nobody has ever touched you like this before, fucked you open like this before. But then again Jeongguk did say only him. And he meant it, judging from how his hand snakes to your cunt, landing right where you need him as if heâs memorised your body, engraved parts of him into his brain forever. It feels like he wants you to do the same, with how hard his hips drive forward, moaning low in your ear as his body tenses. Youâre close too, but not there yet. Jeongguk can feel that, knows that tremor in your thighs is not enough. So he bites it back, holds that drop in his gut as he moulds your body into his, thrusts deep and slow.
âGod â Jeon â J-Jeongguk â I canât â canâtââ You look gorgeous like this, head lolling back and your hips shift to meet him.
âYou can,â his fingers move faster, determined. âBe good for me, hmm?â
âButââ It appears faster than youâd like, a violent flash that pulls from within as Jeongguk unravels you. You can still feel him, buried deep and throbbing hard against your walls. Your legs want to give in but Jeongguk holds you up, forces you through it with shallow bucks of his hips against your heat, groaning low when your walls tighten around his length. He falls then, right into the heat of his want, spilling deep inside of you with choked whine and a kiss against your shoulder. It feels long and like it happens in a blink at the same time, but even as he stills you can feel him inside you, twitching around the pool of cum dripping from your cunt.
Thereâs another kiss on your shoulder as Jeongguk slowly pulls himself out. His cum follows quick, slipping from your cunt with is. You note how he watches it, how his fingers twitch with the instinct to stuff it back inside. You canât help but roll your eyes. That was something you did when you were trying and thereâs already proof of that effort right in your belly. He moves to plant another kiss though, right on your cheek while his hands sneak down to fulfil their desire. You halt them with a gentleness.
âI need to shower, Jeongguk.â The comment produces a pout on his lips. You kiss it away. âYou have work too, babes. Get in with me.â He complies, still insistently drifting his hands downwards. A simple man honestly. With very simple needs.
â
With Jeonggukâs new position and your new predicament changes have rapidly happened. The search for a bigger apartment commenced right after your birthday announcement. At first, you didnât find it necessary to uproot your whole life from your current apartment, with its quaint location and scattered memories. But Jeongguk wasnât thinking about that, mind already focused on the future. He wanted a better district, closer to primary schools and day cares with stellar reputation. It was mildly unnerving, to see him come back from work, tie loose and his cheeks flushed from walking up the hill to your home with a list of new places they should go to, recommended by his colleagues. Youâd asked around too, and slowly seeing one or two new places jumped from five to ten and eventually thirteen. All of them were disappointing in some way; either Jeongguk or you werenât satisfied with the garden space, or he found the babyâs room to cramped, or the apartment too close to the main roads. Or the furnishing would not be adequate enough for the rent the landlord was charging. He also wanted benefits, perhaps a gym in the apartment complex or space to build one for himself in a private home. It quickly became apparent to you that Jeongguk wasnât just looking for a new space, but rather the perfect forever home for him and his family.
Family.
A word youâve slowly become accustomed to saying in your head. Jeongguk was your partner, and for the most part your family â but this, the baby in your belly. That was your family. A child that belongs to you as much as they belong to Jeongguk. Itâs a foreign concept, but your heart swells in anticipation for it every time Jeongguk comes home for work, exhausted by lightening up the second his eyes fall on you and your stomach. It deepens during your doctorâs appointments, quietly observing the attentiveness Jeongguk directs to those meetings, how he notes down every bit of advice the doctors suggest. And its blooms when you begin find copies of parentings books around the house. Youâd bought a few of your own for your journey but the shiny novel labelled: âParenting Guide: For New Fathersâ sitting on your kitchen counter does something to you. Jeongguk wanted this more than he let on, and the fact that he was willing to give it up when you felt reluctant shows just how much he loves and cares for you. It feels like a blessing that everything aligned in its own way, perhaps drawn into your life by the desires of your boyfriend and partially by your longing for them too.
Youâre lucky enough to find the perfect place thanks to Seokjin. A modern high-rise with the perks Jeongguk wants and enough room for your family to blossom, plus a playground space for your baby to grow in. Itâs an arm and a leg to afford but Jeongguk was adamant to provide, and in the back of your head you were already thinking of side-things you can do to support your devoted lover. You move in towards the beginning of January, your previous lease drawing to an end at the perfect time. The new year is ushered in with new furniture and kisses in empty rooms, your sweaters stretching hard over your growing tummy. The journey feels both long and short, marked by moments with your mother, friends and Jeongguk and most importantly by yourself. Hours spent in front of the mirror observing your body change and transform into something new â something strong enough to create life within. Perhaps itâs always been that, yet seeing it occur right before your eyes has been astounding. Jeongguk keeps a steady eye on you, a weight lifting off his shoulders when you finally hand in your resignation letter. Seungmin is surprised, but he stares at your stomach with grudgingness that makes you feel sick.
(And you are the moment you get home, even with the first trimester over).
âWomen,â he had muttered under his breathe. âGood for nothing but having babies and abandoning work.â
At first youâd wanted to ignore it, have your final day in the office be a pleasant calm one. Your co-workers were pretty nice, albeit occasionally annoying and deriving too much gratification in gossip but they were nice. Yet how could you, when the source of your stress and anxiety had the nerve to speak to you like that.
âYouâre a real fucking piece of shit, you know.â And just like that Seungmin had shut-up, narrowed eyes staring at you in disbelief. âWhat the fuck have I ever done to you? My work has always been excellent unlike the subpar shit you usually get from everyone here. And yet youâve been nothing but an annoying piece of shit to me and half your employees here. I donât know who made you like this but I suggest you leave that shit at the door when you walk in â or else youâll be dealing with more than just an angry pregnant lady. Iâve heard some pretty interesting harassment lawsuits have been springing up.â
He hadnât said anything, mouth agape as youâd gotten up, your bag tight in your arms. âLearn to fucking respect the people you work with, or else someone will teach you that lesson.â
Youâd stormed out, passing quick goodbyes as your stomach swayed with dread. It had taken more from you than youâd expected but it trepidation had passed as quick as your head hitting toilet the second youâd gotten home. Jeongguk considered buying you a cake just for that, and youâd told him to shut-up. But you could feel like pride and relief in the hug hid given you after youâd told him, and that was all that truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Not life-sucking leeches like Seungmin.
â
You never really wanted a baby shower. It just felt so overwhelming and attention-seeking to demand that everyone in your life pays mind to you and the baby you were growing, but as pregnancy went on, Yoona and Soomi couldnât help but insist, taking on the burden of planning it. Jeongguk has helped too, picky over the food and colour co-ordinations to the point where Yoona is considering never talking to him again.
âHeâs going to be a nightmare when you plan your wedding,â she says it over a mouthful of rice, swiping through flower arrangement pictures. âWhy the hell does he know the difference between gold and rose-gold I canât even get my husband to figure out two different shades of blue.â
Youâd shrugged, the smile on your lips small. âHe really likes art, maybe thatâs why.â
âA designerâs eye,â Yoona comments, sweeping over the apartment. âI knew they was no way you were responsible for this. Remember when you wanted to paint your apartment walls orange⊠Iâm so glad you met him.â
âHey! Orange is a really nice colour, itâs very warm and welcoming.â
âOrange is gross and gives people migraines â who have you ever seen purposefully paint their home in the shade of bright orange?â The quirk of her eyebrow makes you laugh, but your still adamant like always.
âIt could have been me; I could have been the first.â
âAnd the last if anyone was smart enough. Howâs the baby room coming along.â
Youâre up in an instant, partially weighed by the new heaviness in your stomach and chest. âWanna see? Jeongguk did most of it.â She nods, following you through your new home to the room right beside yours. It opens up to reveal a wide room, painted a pretty pastel yellow, tiny birds and flower wreathes lining the walls. Jeongguk had done it himself, along with the images of Bambi placed on opposing walls. It was his favourite Disney movie after all, and if he aimed on converting your child into loving it too you donât mind. The crib is adorned with pillow and plushies, carefully picked out for their softness, along with a faded blue blanket that belonged to Jeongguk. His mother had kept it, somewhat pristine for its age and former use. The rest of the room was filled with paraphernalia; a rocking chair given by Namjoon, an assortment of toys partially handed over by Seokjin as his kids have aged and pretty star mobile swaying over the crib.
Yoonaâs delight is evident in her smile, padding around the room with the movement of something you can only describe as mother-like. âI could give you baby clothes by the way â Jonghyun is growing so fast and I donât know what to do with them.â
âThat would be nice, thank you.â
âYouâre okay with boy clothes? Wait â are you having a boy?â
You roll your eyes, moving forward into the room. âNo, we decided to keep it a secret from ourselves, you know this I bet Jeongguk told you.â From the sly shift of her gaze he did. âSoomi is the only one who knows.â
âWhy Soomi and why not me?â Yoona pouts, looking exactly like her high-school self.
âBecause,â you respond, âSoomi can keep a secret and you canât.â Her laugh is soft and good-natures because she knows itâs true too.
You fall into small silence, one that feels like memories. How youâd met this girl at the tender age of ten and kept her in your life as youâve grown from young and wild teenager, confused and reckless adults to this. Mothers. A part of your future that you never truly saw coming.
âHe did all of this?â Yoona supplies into the silence. You hum a noise of agreement. âHe really cares.â
âHe does.â
âI think thatâs nice. Itâs good you meet him that day â and if I recall when you called me right after you were already calling it the worst day of your life. Now look.â
And you do, fondness creeping forth from your chest. âIt was the worst day of my life. He cost me an important job.â
âAnd he ended up giving you this,â Yoona returns, moving to slip her hand into yours. âA fair trade doesnât you think.â
âNot a bad one at all,â you say. Your laughs are as light as the dawn sun just breaking beyond the horizon, coloured bright like the paint on the wall of your childâs future room.
âYouâre gonna miss this,â Yoona says, squeezing your hand softly. âOnce itâs all gone and everyday feels like a challenge⊠These moments youâre gonna miss them.â
âYou miss being pregnant?â
âMaybe,â Yoona wonders out-loud, the look she gives you sneaky. âJonghyun needs a sibling.â
âGod please, give yourself a break. And besides,â You glance at your tummy. âHe has a friend on the way.â
Another moment of silence falls, as you both stare at your future while your hand clings to your past and present.
âRemember what I said, at my baby shower?â Yoona whispers, her fingers gripping onto you.
âI remember.â Itâs funny that she brings it up, considering what happened that night.
âWell⊠Iâm happy weâre doing this together.â You pause, turning to face her, the smile on her hips matching yours.
âIâm happy weâre doing this together too.â And when she pulls you close for a hug, you remember the girl you once were, unsure and stumbling. It feels nice to know that Yoona was there for you then, and sheâs here for you now.
(The shower is more than a success, filled with memories youâll treasure for ever â and images of Taehyung in a diaper stamped into your memory forever. Yoona and Soomi were right through; having one gave you moments to remember and it felt warm, to be surrounded by the tender adoration and love for your family celebrating the start of something new.)
â
Your baby is late. Itâs fitting actually, because thatâs something you would do if you were about to be born. But itâs starting to get on your nerves. Thereâs an unspoken edge hanging in the room, amplified by the constant concerned looks Jeongguk has been throwing your way since your child decided to hang in your womb for a little longer. Youâve been trying to ignore it, but itâs hard when heâs checking up on you for contractions and when the hospital bag has been sitting beside the door for three whole days now. You drown his concern (and yours) with bowls of popcorn and a strange new-found interest in watching old romantic comedies. Jeongguk paces around the apartment while Bridget Jones gets locked in a Taiwan jail for attempted drug smuggling. It would have been a funny moment, expect Jeonggukâs pacing as has the baby moving too and now thereâs a tiny foot trying to murder you from the inside. So much energy, an obvious mark of Jeonggukâs genes because any child of yours would definitely prefer to not move instead of brutalising their motherâs insides.
âYouâre sure we shouldnât just go in? Get a check-up or something?â Jeongguk heads peaks from the living-room door frame, locks tousled from the fretting of his fingertips.
âNo,â you return, shoving a handful of popcorn in your mouth. Itâs more for the effect rather than from enjoyment because for some reason it tastes weird. âWe called already, babes. Itâs okay, leave the baby alone theyâre not ready for the world yet.â
A hard kick into your ribs and you immediately regret saying that. Maybe the baby should just come out â youâre ready for them to.
Thereâs a line of worry digging into his forehead. âAre you sure? I donât like this â what if somethingâs wrong?â
âNothingâs wrong,â you say. And fortunately as far as you and the doctors know, nothing is. All the ultrasound and check-up appointments had confirmed that your baby was growing steadily and healthy inside of you. Maybe they just wanted to stay in for a little bit before meeting the word.
âY/NâŠâ He shifts into the room, beautiful face weighed with concern. âWe can go just to checkââ
âIâm not doing that Jeongguk.â Itâs firm and a little mean but he was fussing like he was the one with a huge baby sitting on his bladder.
âAlright.â Itâs a quiet resignation. He moulds into the pillow beside you, careful not to brush against your belly. During the early stages you didnât mind but now there was a sensitivity that left you irritated and vexed if his hand lingered for longer that five seconds. But you can feel him staring at it and a part of you feels bad for dismissing his concerns. You reach out without a second thought, guiding his palm to the side of your tummy where the kicks echo through.
A huff drifts from his mouth, soft and wondrous. âStrong little girl,â he mumbles, following the pads of the kicks as they breach from under your skin.
âGirl? Did my mom tell you?â
âItâs definitely a girl. Sheâs stubborn for staying in there when I want to me her. Exactly like you.â
You flick his forehead, caught off guard by the awe sitting in his wide doe eyes. âMean.â
âHow?â Jeongguk whines, petal lips forming a pout. âBubba, your Mom is calling me mean. Imagine â me!â
âAnd you called her stubborn.â
âI called you stubborn, sheâs a by-product of you so itâs still really your fault.â That playful glint surfaces with an ease that shouldnât leave you breathless. You hope she has his eyes
âJeon, shut-up before I something terrible happens to you.â
âWhatâs the worst that could happen? Itâs been six years of empty threats. If you wanted me gone you wouldnât have had my kid.â You close your eyes in frustration, missing the very important airport scene that all romantic comedies tend to milk to the point of death. Jeongguk laughs at your misery, cooing with the baby kicks against your belly again, as if sheâs laughing with him.
She. Youâve been avoiding any gender nouns since the baby shower but now that word seems fitting. A little girl. Your daughter.
âYouâre both horrible people,â you return, idly dropping popcorn in your mouth.
Jeongguk gasps, as false as the acting displayed on your television. âBubba did you hear that? Mom called you a horrible person and she was calling me mean!â
You whack his head, whining when the baby responds to his silly comment with a fist into your stomach. âGod, Jeon stop. She gets hyper when you talk to her.â
âShe?â Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, still smiling.
âShe,â you return.
He falls quiet, staring at your stomach with careful consideration before you see it click in his head. âAnyway, as I was saying ââ
âJeongguk!â
Itâs too late and your girl is already awake, kicking and punching every which way like youâre not the sole thing keeping her alive. Jeongguk just giggles but moves with to resettle the pillows behind your back, alleviating what discomfort he can. The tension that gripped the air suddenly lets loose, a calmness filling your head as the evening draws to a close. You only get anxious when you have to slip into bed with him, stomach too far stretched out for you to attain any source of ease. Jeonggukâs already learned to read you well, giving you space and extra pillows where he can, the only thing you hold onto during the night his hand. Somehow, you fall asleep, until your body jerks you awake, a searing pain bleeding through your lower limbs. The ache eats through your grogginess, pulling you up and out of bed where you find with a sudden violent shock that your pyjama pants are soaked. And yet you never panic, fumbling for the lights and heading to the bathroom to pat yourself awake before the next wave of pain stings through.
You poke Jeongguk awake, his eyes snapping open with an urgency that startles you.
âWhatâs wrong?â His back rips from the mattress as he twists to take you in. âAre you hurt? Sore? Hungry?â
âNone of those. I think my water just broke though.â
âYour â what? W-water? You think?â Thereâs a pause, and then Jeongguk is bounding from the bed like heâs being hunted down and chased. The paleness that sweeps over his face coaxes a giggle out of you, which is immediately washed away by another brief bout of pain.
âShit,â the word is mumbled again and again under his breath as he runs through the house, collecting last minute things. In a moment heâs guiding you to the door with no shirt but shoes on, keys gripped tight in his hand. âDo we do the breathing thing now? And when was the last contraction? I need to time them.â
âJeongguk,â you sigh, âCould I change first. I donât think going to the hospital in Micky Mouse pyjamas is very fitting. And you need to put a shirt on.â
He freezes, spine straight and forehead beading with sweat. âS-sorryâshit. Iâm just freaking out let me help you.â
âIâm freaking out too, Jeon. But letâs be calm about it right?â
âRight,â he returns. âBut we seriously need to get to the hospital because of the baby comes right now I might faint.â
âNot helping. Jeongguk!â
âYeah, of course. You put out the set you wanted in the first drawer right?â
âSecond drawer. The light blue ones.â
He leaves you staring at the hard wooden floors of your home as he runs to get them, a slight sweat building down your back. The contractions are still spread out, not frequent or concerning just yet. You wanted to stay home for a little to be frank, but judging from the frazzled nature of Jeonggukâs movements youâd rather not ask your boyfriend to wait before rushing into the hospital. You watch him with fondness as he dresses you in the living-room, doe eyes wide with concern and stuck on your stomach. Thereâs a shirt over his head at least, and a change from his sleeping sweats into clean dark ones.
âJeongguk,â you whisper.
âYes?â Itâs said with high-alert. âDoes it hurt? Should we do the breathingââ
âJeongguk,â you interrupt. âI think you need to calm down.â
âI am calm.â
You give him a look.
âOkay, Iâm not calm,â Jeongguk returns. âBut Iâm also facing the very real fact that our baby has decided to come into the world in the middle of the night and youâre not freaking out at all which is making me very nervous.â
âI am,â you reply. âIâm just trying to contain it because I donât want to make it worse. And while I love you Jeongguk I need you not to go crazy on me right now. And I thought you wanted to meet her, sheâs decided to come today since you were complaining about it.â
He frowns, lips puckered in an exasperated pout. âSorryâjustâitâs justâI didnât think it was going to be this scary.â
âItâs not. We just need to get the hospital and everything is going to be okay. So letâs focus on getting into the car first and then we can do the breathing practises, okay.â
Jeongguk stills, eyes drifting to your stomach. You see his shoulder fall lax, a sudden protectiveness lingering on his face. âOkay, letâs start with that.â
â
You were wrong. Very wrong. About everything. Staying at home for even twenty minutes more would have been the worst decision you had ever made because when you baby decided to come into the world, she decided she was coming in fast. Viciously fast. Maybe Jeonggukâs crazed concerned was warranted. Your contractions speed up and get worse during the brief trip to the hospital, and by the time youâre walking in past the doors youâre considered maiming Jeongguk so that he never gets the idea that you want a child again. The staff is incredibly helpful, leading you to your room and bed while Jeongguk calls his parents and yours. It feels both rushed and like everyone is taking their sweet time with you, as if there was a baby literally trying to rip its way out of you. The nurses take the noting of the times Jeongguk recorded, immediately pointing out that your contractions have speed up but not enough to head down to the theatre. Soomi arrives during the two hours they give you to settle, occasionally popping into the check your dilation and contractions.
Her hair is a mess and you can hear the faint sound of Jimin consoling Jeongguk in the hallway. Which is stupid because heâs not the one giving birth, you are.
âHey, how are you doing?â Soomi starts, drawing near with a container of food. She notes the look of disdain you throw itâs in direction, quickly discards it on a nearby stool.
âThinking about killing Jeongguk,â you respond. The epidural you requested is not kicking in fast enough.
She laughs, a bright thing that eases you edges a little. âI said the exact same thing when Bora decided to come.â
âWhere is she?â You ask, forcing a smile when Jimin walks in the stupid spawn of evil who put you in this hospital bed.
âTaehyungâs. Seokjin and Yoongi are coming tomorrow morning. You think sheâll be here by then? Soomi inquires. You catch the slip of her tongue, a faint smile spreading on your lips as you mumble a greeting to Jimin.
âSo it is a girl,â you comment. Jeongguk halts beside you. Maybe you wonât murder him just yet.
âW-well, I â I mean â well, yes it is.â
Youâre glad Soomi was the only one who knew. A secret kept right until the last minute.
âI told you,â Jeongguk interjects. âI had a feeling.â
âAnd Iâm feeling like ending your life, so maybe donât talk right now.â
Jiminâs laughter is loud and unabashed, a direct contrast to the nervous blush staining Jeonggukâs cheeks.
âAnd now you know why I was scared of Soomi, right?â Jimin comments, ignoring the threatening glare his wife spears into his head. âHave you picked a name yet?â
âNot really,â you return, noticing Jeonggukâs sudden silence. You reach for his hand, heart aching with the fear you might have heart him. He responds automatically, clinging right back onto you. âBut there are ideas. Weâll know when we see her.â You say the last sentence while staring at his face, mind already conjuring the image of your girl. Will she have his nose? His cherry cheeks? Will she smile like him? You hope she does â Jeongguk has the best smile in the world. Heâs staring at your face like heâs wondering the same, gaze flicking over your features with careful consideration, a gentleness in his eyes that warms you heart even when your contractions decide to resurface, clamouring to be heard in the waves of pain that follow.
âHey,â thereâs a soft hand on your head. âYouâll be okay.â Jeongguk looks worried but you can see him trying to hide it, shoulder tense but his eyes soft.
You respond with a mumbled noise of agreement. âYeah, when this baby gets the hell out of me. Can somebody call the nurse; my beeper isnât working.â
Jimin does, leaving Soomi and Jeongguk to hang over you like grey clouds in the sky. You stop focusing on them, letting the murmurs of their encouragement fade into the distance as your focus settles on the bright luminescent hospital lights. Everything shifts into a state of surrealness, marked by moments of doctors prodding you and Jeongguk catching your gaze from his place at your side. Eventually youâre pushed into the theatre room, followed by a trembling Jeon Jeongguk in scrubs and a mask. Soomi and Jimin linger in the hallways while the only thing you hear is one stupid word.
You push until you think youâve split into two, squeezing Jeonggukâs hand because he should go through this pain too. He doesnât protest, mumbling words of comfort in your ear while you attempt to crack the bones in his hand.
âYouâre doing so well â see look sheâs almost here,â he murmurs, hand a grounding force when he strokes your cheek. âJust one more, my love. One more push.â
And then finally, finally, you hear that cry, the pressure in your hips waning. Itâs immediately replaced by a quiet awe descending on your both. The nurses congratulate you, cleaning and swaddling your baby up before hastily placing her on your chest. If the tears on your face are from pain or love you wouldnât know. They are one and the same right now, the splitting of your heart aching in your chest as the love for your child pours out. Sheâs got his nose. You see it instantly, her eyes are still shut, but you think she has his eyes too. Sheâs so adorable and too tiny for the world. You feel it then, the fierce need to protect her from anything and everything. Jeonggukâs drops down to your level too, enclosing you both like he feels it too. Thereâs no need for words to be said, the silent exchange of wonder between you two enough as your baby breaks into weak forlorn cry.
Her name is a quiet decision, vocalised by Jeongguk reaching to graze his thumb across her small cheek. âHello Jieun-ieâŠ. Hi baby... Donât cry bubba, weâre here. Hmm, weâre here my love.â
â
Jieun is a blessing. Thereâs something about her gummy little smile and those chubby mochi like cheeks that makes your heart warm with adoration. Sheâs got Jeonggukâs eyes too, little stars trapped in her loving gaze. Itâs almost addictive, how soft and plush she is in your arms. You want her to stay small and tiny forever, under the protective gaze of her mother. Even the slightest thought of anything negative happening to her, makes your heart seize with terror. You didnât know it was possible to have space for this much love in your heart but Jieunâs carved out a place just for her, a home in your heart besides Jeongguk.
You try and think of that love and warmth during moments like this - when sheâs up all night, screaming her lungs out. Youâve checked her diaper, nothing. Youâve gently directed her wailing mouth to your nipple, immediate rejection from her chubby hands. Youâve rocked her around the room for the past forty minutes, softly bouncing her against your hip, but to no avail either. Sheâs not hungry, or dirty or tired. Youâre lost on how to ease her back to sleep and your patience is quickly wearing thin. The gurgle of spit on your shoulder isnât making the situation any more tolerable either anyway.
âWhyâs my baby crying,â Jeongguk coos from the bedroom, voice groggy with sleep. Youâd left him in bed and taken Jieun out when sheâd gotten fussy, afraid to rouse him. Heâd picked up some long shift once again and it pained you to see him shuffle to work early in the morning with barely any sleep on his face.
âIâve got her; you can go back to sleep.â You try to reassure him but the incredulous look he gives in you in response has your put together facade crumbling. âI donât know whatâs wrong.â Itâs mumbled in the cool air of your apartment, the shame in your tone drawing him closer.
âHungry?â He says, thereâs a hand against the small of your back, warm from the bed he was wrapped in.
âNo,â You whine back, briefly closing your eyes when Jieun lets out a particular ear splitting wail.
âOh no, baby. Donât cry. Daddyâs here.â You press her into his hands wordlessly, a heavy weight on your chest when you finally take a look at him. He looks like heâs been run over by a truck, skin pasty and flat from sleep. His hair sticks out haphazardly from his head, a wild brown mane thatâs overdue for a cut. Thereâs shadows under his eyes and a deep line forming between his eyebrows. A consequence of how often he frowns at things. Like heâs doing at Jieun now, eyes barely open in the dim light filling your living room.
You subconsciously reach out, pressing the pad of your thumb between his brows and massaging until his gaze relaxes. Jeongguk looks at you perplexed, murmuring sweetly into Jieunâs ear while he stains his shirt with her snot.
âPremature wrinkles,â you softly mutter. His eyes flash and then heâs shaking his head, gaze focused on Jieun.
âBubba, why do you keep crying? Hmm?â He lifts her up gently, sniffing her bottom while she protests violently. âYouâre not dirty either.â He cradles her tenderly once again and for a brief moment, she closes her mouth, wide eyes on her daddy. Neither of you move, frozen by the hope that she's satiated. And then her lips purse tightly, followed by them falling open with a thundering wail.
âJesus,â Jeongguk whispers, hands gently running along her back. âWhere do you get your lungs from? Huh bubba?â Jieun responds with a miserable cry, grubby hands flailing through the air. You catch one for her marshmallow fists, bemused when she smacks your hand away.
âWhat is wrong with her?â You canât help but ask, feeling like youâve been thrown off a boat and left to drown. Parenting shouldnât be this difficult â Â sheâs only five months.
âHonestly?â Jeongguk's face seems down. âI donât know either.â He rocks her softly and is rewarded by a softer cry. It takes a couple more minutes of bouncing from Jeongguk for her crying to wane away. You cautiously move closer, taking her hand into your own again, heart thumping when she grabs back at you tightly. You trail your thumb against her tiny fist, glancing up to find Jeongguk staring at your joint hands with a weird look in his eyes.
âShould we go to bed?â He asks, peering at you beneath his long brown bangs. Jieun hiccups at that, immediately falling silent when she nuzzles in her fatherâs neck. They have the same soft wavy brown hair, but Jieunâs is a little bit sparser, not as thick as her Daddyâs. You gently pry your hand away from hers as you nod, a pleased sigh coming from Jeongguk.
The bed is cool, sheets tipping towards the floor. Thereâs only a fraction of warmth against your skin when you finally crawl in, bones going soft at the touch of the mattress. Jeongguk makes a move to settle Jieun in her cradle but you shake your head, hand gesturing to the space beside you. He gets in without another word, gently resting her body between the two of you. Her breathing is even, eyes fluttering every other moment, teasing dreams you wonât ever hear and she wonât ever remember. You hope theyâre good regardless.
You canât help the wandering hand that settles on her plush little thigh, fingers grazing against the soft skin there. Sheâs so big already, itâs insane to see her grow so quickly right before your eyes. This was the girl who was kicking your stomach at every chance and sitting heavy on your bladder. The little baby that demanded you eat pickles with ice-cream and Cheetos dipped in chocolate syrup when she was in your belly. Itâs surreal to see her sighing and gurgling outside of your body. It also makes you nervous, how little control you have over her environment. Thereâs no way you can ensure that sheâs comfortable and safe at all times. Or happy and fulfilled. Which hurts like hell. This is your baby and you would do anything to protect her.
Maybe Jeongguk must feel the same because he pipes up, breaking the quiet of the night. âAre you worried? About Jieun?â
âOf course. Arenât you?â
âAll the damn time,â He mutters. You look up, eyes landing on the heavy gaze thatâs directed at her sleeping face. âIâm so worried. What if weâre messing this up? I know weâve barely started but sometimes it feels like too much. I donât want to see her cry or you tired all the time. How do we know weâre doing the right thing? I want to make sure sheâs stable and safe but thereâs so much more to come and Iâm going to mess up. I know I will.â
Itâs a lot for you to digest. The way he blurts it out â it sounds like itâs been on his mind for a while now. Itâs a stark contrast to the surety you were greeted with in the delivery room and the man who wanted this to happen in the first place. He doesnât sound regretful, just terrified of the uncertainty of the future.
âJeongguk,â You say, trying to wipe the exhaustion from your voice. He needs someone to lean on right now, and even if your heart feels heavy with the words heâs said, youâll pretend to be that person anyway. âThatâs okay. Iâm going to mess up too. Thereâs no manual on how to do this. No one knows how to be a parent. Every child is different. Weâre never going to be perfect. We just need to try our best at this.â You reach for his hand, intertwining your small fingers against his larger bigger ones. You give them a squeeze, pleased when Jeongguk looks up at you. âThatâs all we need to do. Not everything will be perfect. We just need to try our best to make Jieun happy. Right?â He nods at that, holding your hand tighter. âAnd stop worrying. She loves you. Youâre a great dad.â
He stares at you deeply, still gripping your hand. You watch that soft smile slip onto his face in silence, a warmth bubbling in your chest.
âAnd youâre a great mom,â He whispers back. You ache to lean over Jieunâs sleeping body, press a chaste kiss against your boyfriendâs lips. But a loud gurgle from her has both of you glancing down concerned. Sheâs kicking her legs gently, mouth halfway open and drool around her lips. You wipe her mouth fondly, letting go of Jeonggukâs hand to do so.
âWe should sleep, shouldnât we,â He mumbles, burrowing his head into the pillow.
âWe should.â
âHmm. Goodnight bubba,â He whispers at Jieun and then he glances up, eyes soft. âGoodnight Y/N.â
âGoodnight Jeongguk,â You return, giddy for some stupid reason. âGoodnight Jieun-ie.â
Thereâs a beat of silence, when the air is only filled with the rise and fall of your chests in union, punctuated by the occasional sigh from Jieun. And then Jeongguk is kicking your feet beneath the blanket, eyes open and on you.
âI love you,â He whispers, crust forming around his eyes. You kick him back, a warm feeling settling in your chest as your eyes flicker between your baby and the love of your life. Itâs oddly perfect, despite the lack of sleep, despite how groggy the both of you are, despite the uncertainty of the future. None of that matters at that moment. Because youâre here, in your home, in bed with the two people you hold near and dear to your heart. Youâll tackle it together, whatever challenges the future holds for you. Because this is your family.
âI love you too, Jeongguk.â
#jungkook smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook fanfic#btswritingcafe#bts x reader#bts fanfic#jungkook scenarios#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook fic
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The Right Place
This is the third and final part of the trilogy. I can not thank you enough for the endless support. I did not expect to even turn this into a three-parter, but you asked and you shall receive. You guys are amazing!
So Wrong It's Right
What's Wrong is Right
Warning: dark!Peter Parker x reader, dub-con, all characters are of age, pregnancy, abuse, mild non-con touching, violence
Word Count: 5.4k
Summary: You're an old troubled friend of May's. Your life consists of being a workaholic, a party animal, and bringing home the shittest of guys for a one-hit-wonder. Just when you get your life in order, you're knocked right back into your old habits. Peter has watched you suffer long enough. He can make it all better.
Taglist: @discoverwhattheworldhastooffer
Your world was in shambles and any move you made to try and fix it only seemed to make what was left crumble. You did not speak with anyone since you had found out you were pregnant, not even May. You did not know what you could even say to her or how you could explain what was going on. You knew she would find out sooner or later, but you had planned on later. You could not even stomach the thought of telling her. It would not be easy and you knew you would probably lose her friendship in the process.
You avoided Peter as much as you could. He always messaged to check up on you, but you would never reply. You were disappointed in yourself. If you had just been the biggest person and moved on, if you had not have gotten drunk, you would not be in this situation right now.
Peter never gave up on you. He had hoped you would come around. That you would understand why your life was going in the direction it was. You needed to get away from the toxicity you surrounded with, especially Chris. You were meant for bigger and better things. You were meant to be more than a housewife. You were to be a mother, a lover, a soulmate. You deserved the world and he wanted so bad to give you it plus more.
You continued to shut him out though. You did not answer his phone calls or his text messages no matter how many times he tried. He sat outside on your fire escape many nights, listening to you crying yourself to sleep. It broke his heart to see you in this situation, but he wishes you would look on the bright side of things. Maybe it was not the greatest timing to have a baby, but it didn't mean your lives were ruined. Sometimes what we want is not always what we need. Sometimes change is required for what we need in our life and you weren't necessarily open to it.
He honestly had tried to give you your space. He stuck to the rooftop above you where you could not see him when you would finally leave the house for work. You always looked so beautiful to him, even if he knew you had been crying all night. If you would just answer his messages, he would not have to go this far.
Peter watched you many mornings on your way to work. He followed your bus all the way to the place he prayed you would never go. He kneeled on top of the building, watching as you stared sadly at the front doors of the clinic. He wished you would turn around. To save him from having to web you down before you got in the building. You were picking at your sweater. No matter the number of times you found yourself standing outside the clinic, you never could bring yourself to even reach for the door.
You were at war with yourself. Peter could tell you fought against the changes, but your heart could not bring you to stop them from happening despite how unhappy you were. It always ended with a sigh and with you proceeding to walk the rest of the way to work. Peter seemed to hold his breath until you walked away.
Work was always a drag now. You had nothing to look forward to anymore but everything in the world to worry about. You stared at your phone as it lay against the computer screen. You rubbed your face tiredly.
You knew it was time to let go of your past. You sighed deeply, taking your phone in your hands and clicking on Chris's old messages. You began typing.
Are you able to come by later?
You noticed he read your message right away. You sat your phone down, still staring at the screen when he responded back.
Of course. Just tell me when, and Iâll be there.
You told him you would message him once you got home. You were sure what time you would get off when it came to your job. You wrote a company and spent the hours necessary to do what you needed to do.
By the time your workday had finally ended, you were having mixed feelings about inviting him over. Being pregnant did not help your feelings from being all over the place. Your thumbs hovered over the keypad on your screen. You were hesitant. Even if he had said he respected whatever you decided, you knew he could not entirely mean that. You quickly typed out that you were home and hit send before you could give yourself time to think almost about it. Maybe you should have thought about it a little longer.
Peter was stuck at school for one of his night classes. He dreaded his night classes now more than ever considering your condition. He had already skipping enough classes due to worrying so much about you. He could not afford to flunk out of school now after all the time and effort he had dedicated already. As much as he wanted to keep an eye on you, he tried to give you room to breathe, to think, and process.
You pushed his bags in the living room by the door, straightening your sweater to keep it off of your stomach. You were not big to others, but to you, you worried if people can tell. You did not want to chance it and certainly not with Chris. You wanted this to go as smoothly as possible.
Your heart almost leaped from your chest at the knock on your door. You slid the chain from the lock and pulled the door open to see his face light up as soon as he saw you.
"Hey there, beautiful."
"Hi." You leaned against the door slightly as you moved out of the way for him to enter.
"I'm so glad you're giving this a second-" He stepped into the apartment, noticing bags of his belongings to the side of him and he grew quiet. "You're not giving me a second chance." He pointed out and you frowned slightly, still standing by the door.
"I think it is what's best for the both of us." Your voice was quiet and calm, but in your mind, it was the hardest thing possible for you to say.
"Is it?" His voice seemed bitter and you looked down at your feet, nodding slowly. Even without looking at him, you could still feel his eyes on you. He turned to face you fully and you hesitated to make eye contact with him.
"It is. I still want the best for you."
"Do you not believe I can change? I don't understand. What can I do to change your mind?" He pressed.
"Please don't think I haven't given this a lot of thought. It consumes my mind to no end. I just need to focus on myself right now."
"Imagine that." It was silent in the room and you glanced at him, only to find him shaking his head with a snicker. "It's not what's best for the both of us. Not for me. This is what's best for you. Can't imagine how I even thought you could be anything but selfish."
"Chris, I just want to keep this civil."
"Good for you." He pulls the door from your grasp and slamming it shut, startling you. "That's all you've ever been, hm? You're gonna have to lose that mindset if you plan on marrying me."
"I don't-"
"You will." He corrected, moving so close you could feel his breath across your face. "I put too much time into this for you to walk away from me."
You swallowed hard. The man who stared back at you was far from familiar. You tried to step around him but he only pushed you back into your place between him and the wall.
"Goddamn it, just get your stuff and go!" You raised your voice and he slapped his hand hard across your cheek. It was strong enough to make you see stars in your eyes. You yelped at the impact and held your cheek as it stung in pain.
"You watch your fucking tone." He stared down at you. He had never hit you before in the years you had been together. He never raised a hand to you, but then again, he never raised one for you either.
You could not imagine how much worse this would get. You left sick to your stomach when he grabbed your chin, tilting your head upright to look at him, stroking his fingers across your stinging cheek as his eyes flickered over your face in thought.
"Truth to be told, I think it's you who needs to change. I put up with so much from you. You had me in the beginning. Thought I was getting this wild, sex-crazed wife, oh, the fun we use to have. The drunken nights." He stiffed a laugh as he let his free hand grab the end of your sweater. "You really had me fooled, didn't you sweetheart?"
You were scared to move. Scared that one wrong move and he would hit you again, maybe worse. You closed your eyes, hoping Peter would answer your prayers. You regretted how much you ever took advantage of his kindness. How long you acted like you never noticed. You had always noticed. You felt his hand push underneath your shirt, and his gaze grazed over your stomach.
You noticed the way his hand froze against the small curve of your rounded stomach and he instantly lifted your shirt to see the problem. Your vision was blurred from your tears as he stared at your stomach with wide eyes. You could tell he was getting pissed.
"Really looks like you've been focusing on yourself." He lets your sweater fall back down over your stomach. His grip was still firm on your jaw, giving you no choice but to look at him. "You have some nerve to leave me. I could bet money it's Parker's. It is, isn't it?"
You could not bring yourself to admit it, but you did not have to.
He shoved your face from his hand, causing you to hit your head hard against the wall as he let you go. "You fucking make me sick."
You tried to keep your sobs quiet, listening to his footsteps moving away from you, listening to him jerking his bags up. "Better it's his problem and not mine." He muttered before slamming the door shut behind him.
You pulled your knees to your chest as you sat up against the wall with a sob. You didn't realize how much you needed Peter until now. You were sure he would have been successful if Peter had not have stopped. You hugged your knees as you tried to catch your breath in an attempt to calm yourself down.
After a moment, you took a deep breath as you pushed yourself to your feet. You let out a whimper quiet, feeling mild cramps in your lower stomach. You frowned as you turned the lock to the door, pressing your forehead against it as you held your stomach from the pain. It only seemed to worsen the longer you stood there. You weren't sure what was going on, but you had a feeling whatever it was, it was not good. You stood like that hoping the cramps would ease, but they never did.
It was close to the end of class when Peter's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out of his phone slightly to see who it was. He glanced up at the professor who had still proceeded with his lecture and Peter lowered his head to answer. He knew something had to be wrong if you were calling him after all this time of avoiding him.
"Y/n? Is everything okay?"
"I think something is wrong." You whimpered quietly and he raises an eyebrow slightly.
"What do you mean "wrong"? Is the baby okay?" He looked up at the teacher who was making eye contact with him now as he talked.
"I don't know." You answered honestly.
That was all it took to get Peter moving. He grabbed his books off of his desk and tossed them in his bag while he scrambled from the classroom.
"It hurts." You rubbed your lower stomach like you always did when you had cramps before. Cramps were normal, but with being pregnant, you could never be too sure what they really meant.
"I know, love. I'm so sorry. Hang tight. I'm on my way." He reassured you as he sprinted out of the building.
---
You lay back on the hospital bed, sighing as Peter ran his hand over your bump in gentle circles. For once, you let him. Your cramps had surprisingly lessened since Peter had shown up, but he did not want to take any chances. It was better to be safe than sorry. He was so worried about you and the baby.
Nurses had been in and out of the room, doing blood work, swabbing, anything necessary to get to the bottom of this. Peter was quiet as he sat on the side of the hospital bed, focused on the massage he was giving your stomach. This was the first time he had touched you since the night you found out you were pregnant.
You could not help back to smile slightly to yourself as his long gentle fingers worked over your skin. He must have sensed your stare because it was not long before his eyes glancing up to meet your stare.
He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Is this okay? I'm not making it worse, am I?"
You shook your head. "It's fine. I'm just watching."
He smiled at you while he continued his massage to your tummy. His eyes looked toward the door when a nurse came in, rolling some equipment over to the bedside.
"Miss. Y/l/n, your lab work should not be much longer. If you do not mind, I would like to do an ultrasound to check on the baby. Is that okay with you?"
You nodded and Peter took his hands back to let her work. She rolled over a chair, taking some gel and squirting some across your lower stomach. The nurse rolled the transducer over the gel and smearing it in as she applied some pleasure in search of a heartbeat. You watched her roam your stomach, biting your bottom lip. Your eyes widened slightly when the sound of the baby's beating heart filled the room. Once the nurse got a clear view, she turned the screen to show you and Peter what she was seeing.
You looked over at the monitor, your heart fluttered slightly at the first sight of your baby. That was your baby, even if it was only a little bean now. You could not stop the smile from forming on your lips. This little bean was life was growing inside of you. This brought a whole new light to your pregnancy. It was like a light had switched on. You did not know how to explain the overwhelming feeling. It felt more real after seeing him or her.
Peter was just as taken back as you. His grin never faded at the sight of your baby. It only made him 10x more eager to be a dad.
"Look at that. Already looks like me." Peter teased and you giggled, considering he or she was not much more than a heartbeat at the moment.
"I can definitely see it." You grinned as Peter rest his hand over yours, sliding his fingers between yours. He brought your hand to his lips before pressing a kiss to the back of it. You watched him kiss your hand and shivered slightly. You did not know what to think of everything at this point.
The nurse checked the baby's heartbeat before turning to the computer behind her and check your lab results with a quiet hum as she scrolled through your charts.
"Well, it seems like everything is just fine. Your baby is certainly healthy and has one of the strongest heartbeats I have ever heard." You looked over at Peter and he only grinned. You could thank Peter for that and all of his spidey senses.
"Your blood pressure was pretty high though and considering your history, your blood pressure has always been perfect. Have you been stressed out lately?" She looked back at you and you nodded slightly.
You were ashamed at how stressed you had let yourself get. "Well, I won't ask for details but if it is anything I can help you with, I would be happy to help. If not, I would stay to keep the stress to a minimum. Your baby does feel anything you feel, so some things can be too much and really take a toll on them." She explained. "Think of this as your baby reminding you to breathe."
You smiled, feeling Peter giving your hand a warm squeeze.
"If your blood pressure does continue to be high, we will see if we can do something to help." You nodded again as she made out some prints of your ultrasound and handing them to you. "If you don't have any questions, I'll let one of the other nurses know and they can keep your paperwork ready for you to go home." She took a paper towel and wiped your stomach clean before tossing it.
With that, she gathered up her equipment before rolling it out of the room with her. You pulled your sweater back down over your stomach.
"Hear that. Now do me a favor and leave all of the worrying up to me." He looked up at you as your eyes stayed glued to your ultrasound prints. His eyes flickered over your face, landing on the bruising mark on your cheek. He reached up, moving a piece of hair back of your face to get a better look. You flinched at the contact. Peter seemed taken back by your flinch.
"What happened? How'd you get that?" You kept your head down with a small frown.
"I invited Chris over to get his stuff. He thought I was taking him back. He didn't take it well." You explained and his eyes widened.
"He hit you?!" You reached Peter's hand as he started to jump up from the bed. "I'll kill him. I swear to you-"
"Peter, please. It's over with now." You assured him, tugging his hand to pull him back to the bed to sit down again. "He's not worth it."
Peter frowned, letting out a deep sigh before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. He did not want to stress you any more than you had already been. "I'm sorry he did that to you. I wish I could have been there."
"Honestly, I needed this. It made letting go of him a lot easier."
"Was that all he did?"
You grew quiet.
"Did he..."
"No, he didn't." You shook your head after he could finish his sentence. "He saw that I was pregnant and left."
Peter tried to keep his composure as his fist clenches out of your sight. He could not imagine how someone could lay a single finger on you with intentions to hurt you. He was quiet. He was trying to hold it together for your sake.
"He didn't say anything?"
You stayed quiet for a moment, rubbing your thumb across the print. "Just that he was glad it was your problem and not his." You shrugged your shoulders slightly. "Even though it's not a problem, I am glad it's you and not him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby with someone that selfish."
His clenched fist loosened at your words and his eyes softened. He could not believe his ears. Were you really saying this?
His cheeks blushed a deep shade of red. "You mean that?"
You smiled at him with a nod. "I do. You're so selfless and care so much about what you can do for others. Even though I've been selfish, you still stuck by my side. I honestly couldn't ask for a better father for my baby."
His smile widened as he looked at you, resting his hand on your small bump. "Our baby."
You rested your hand on top of his with a smile, nodding your head. "Our baby." You agreed.
---
It was not long after that the nurse gave you the okay to leave. Peter had stopped to get you something to eat before he took you home. He wanted to make sure you had been fed. All of the little things like this had slowly pulled you closer Peter. You were not used to how observant and patient he was. As much as you knew how wrong your whole situation was, you could not help but to give in to it. Despite your age, Peter had treated you better than any other guy you had been with. Even better than the one you had been with for years. Peter was the blessing you never knew you needed. He was the blessing in disguise.
He held onto your hand, walking up the steps to your apartment and using the keys to unlock the door for you. He didn't expect you to let him stay. All he wanted was to make sure you were okay before he left you alone.
"Thank you for everything." You looked up at him as you both stood in front of your door.
He smiled down at you. "You don't have to thank me."
"You know I owe you."
He rolled his eyes playfully. "You don't owe me anything. You're having our baby. I consider that payment enough." He teases, his hands resting on your waist. He could not help but touch you. In every possible, he would if he could. Your cheeks blushed at his response, looking down but Peter let his finger hook underneath your chin to tilt your head back up. Your lips were barely an inch apart when the moment was quickly ruined.
"What the fuck is going on here?!" A familiar voice pulled you from your moment, making your heart sink to the pit of your stomach when the realization hit. You did not even have to look over to know it was May. Her face was red in anger when your eyes met hers. "You ignore me for weeks and when I come to check on you, you're smacking lips with my nephew?! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Your lips parted to say something, but no words came out. You did not where to begin with explaining yourself to her. You knew this was all wrong, but it was all too late.
"I thought you were hurt, but obviously, you're perfectly fine." She was fuming.
You never wanted her to find out this way. You wished you had more time to think about it and figure out a better way, but this was it. This was the moment of truth and you were terrified to lose your best friend. You felt tears forming in your eyes and Peter frowned.
"Aunt May, stop."
"Stop?! I'm not going to stop! You're not going to use my nephew so you can get over your worthless ex-boyfriend."
"Aunt May!"
You fought to hold back your tears until you could not anymore. You felt the tears running down your face. As much of a low blow that was, you felt you deserved to hear it. "Peter, i-it's okay." You struggled to form your words. You were hurt, embarrassed, ashamed.
"No, it's not." He shook his head, pointing a finger at May as she stood only a few feet distance from the two of you by her car. "You've gone too far."
"I don't understand how you think this is okay, Y/n." She shook her head, ashamed at you.
"I didn't expect for it to be like this. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." You confessed.
"Just like you never meant for all those one-night stands to happen huh? I trusted you!" She yelled, making you flinch. You hung your head in defeat, glancing at Peter with sad eyes before going inside. You could not stomach the rest of the conversation without sobbing. You tried to calm yourself once you were inside.
"That's enough!" Peter yelled suddenly. "I am capable of making my own decisions. I don't need you to decide what is best for me, Aunt May. I'm not here against my will and neither is she."
"She's supposed to be my friend." She didn't know what to make of this.
"You're supposed to be my Aunt! You knew how hard I crushed over her. For years you knew."
"I thought it was just a crush."
He moved closer to her in the parking lot. It was never just a crush. He was head over heels for you. "I love her. I've always loved her. You're can either respect it or accept it, because it's either way, she's pregnant and nothing is going to change that." He stood by her car.
Her mouth fell open in shock. She did not know what to think. Never in a million years would have thought this would happen, but then again never would have you.
"Pregnant?" Her voice was quiet.
He nodded. "I'm gonna be a dad, Aunt May." He pulled his copy of the prints out of his wallet and showing them to her.
She was at a loss for words. He was right. There was nothing she could do about that. May stared at the prints for a moment, trying to process everything in the short time it had all happened.
"Peter... I don't understand..."
"She almost had a miscarriage today because she's been stressing herself out over Chris. You're not going to take this away from me." He looks down at her, taking the prints back from her." He looked down at her as she stared back with a small frown. "Go home, Aunt May before we both do something we'll regret. You can come back when you're ready to apologize for this." He held the car door open for her and she hesitated before slowly getting in the car.
She knew she was in the wrong for how she had handled things, but Peter did not give her the chance to even risk making things worse. Peter felt deep in his heart despite everything she would come around. She would realize how happy you made him and she would accept it, but for now, she needed to leave.
Peter walked back to your front door, knocking on the door with a sigh. After a few moments, you moved from your spot on the couch to answer the door. You opened it slightly to see Peter and you glanced behind him at May's car pulling out of the parking lot.
"How are you?" He frowned when he saw your red watery eyes.
"I feel awful."
He sighed when you finally let go of the door and he stepped inside of the apartment. He let the door close behind him. His arms wrapped around your body instantly, pulling you against mine as he hugged you, resting his head against yours and kissing the top of it. "I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to believe now, but she'll come around. Just give her some time."
"She was going to find out sooner or later. I expected that reaction. I just wasn't prepared for it right now." You pointed out as your head rested against his chest, letting him hold onto you.
You closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat. You relaxed in his arms. Your eyes were burning from all the tears shed. Peter scooped your body up in his arms bridal style, carrying you down the hall to the bedroom. He laid you down on the bed, sliding into the bed with you as his arms naturally found their way around your waist. Your head fell to his chest as you got lost in your thoughts for a moment.
"I'm starting to think I can never make the right choices." You admitted, laughing slightly to yourself and Peter tilted your head up to look at him.
His lips pressed a kiss to your nose. "Sometimes, the wrong choices bring us to the right places." He assured you before leaning in to close the space between your lips and kissing your lips.
He was true to word. No matter how much you held yourself back, every wrong choice you had ever made in your life brought you to this moment with Peter. This opportunity with Peter to finally get your life right. It was your chance to allow yourself the happiness you knew you both deserved.
End Credits Scene
He was not sure how long he had been sitting with his wrists and ankles restrained to a chair in the middle of a dark room. Maybe hours. It even could have been days. He was not sure. His eyes blinked rapidly to adjust to the light that poured into the room when he finally heard a heavy door open.
"Oh good, you're awake." He was covered in sweat from fear and the heat of the closed-off room. He could make out bits of a red and blue suit. His eyes must have been playing tricks on him. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light, his eyes widened at the sight of Spiderman in front of him. He did not understand what was going on. Spiderman is supposed to save people.
His mouth was covered with solid webbing so he could not speak.
"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here." Peter moved closer to him as he spoke. He leaned down, ripping the webbing from Chris' mouth and making him cry out in pain from the grip it had on his skin. "You see Chris if there's one thing I hate, it's people who hurt the people I care about."
"W-What are you talking about? I haven't done anything."
"Don't play dumb." Peter gritted his teeth underneath his mask, backhanding Chris across the face before gripping his jaw. "You know exactly what you did, but that's okay because it won't happen again. You'll never touch Y/n again. I'll make sure of that."
Blood dripped from Chris's mouth from how hard Peter hit him. "I should fucking kill you for putting your hands on her." He smirked to himself when Chris starts squirming under his grip. "But I won't."
"I won't. I won't touch her again. I swear-"
"Oh, I know you won't." Peter let go of his jaw before backing up towards the door again.
"W-Where are you going? Aren't you going to let me go?" Chris started to panic as Peter pulled his mask off for Chris to see his face. He wanted this to be the last thing he saw if he died and the thing he would definitely remember if he lived.
"I didn't say I was going to let you go. I said I wasn't going to kill you." He smiled and Chris's mouth fell open slightly at the sight of Peter Parker standing before him. "I was thinking we could make a game out of this. I hear you like games. Let's see just how important you really are. I'm gonna leave you here and we're gonna see if your friends succeed with their search party if they even send one out. I can't imagine what they would care about scum like you for, but I guess we'll see. I give you about 48 hours before your body finishes you off itself. That should give you more than enough time to think about what I've said. That's if you do make it and I don't really have faith that's gonna happen, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I expect you to get the hell out of New York. I promise to you if ever see you again, I'll kill you."
Chris swallowed hard as Peter stood in the doorway once more, the sun outlining his figure at the door. He was scared of the possibility of not being found. He was furious that a guy like Peter was capable of putting him in a situation like this.
"They'll find me and when they do, you're a dead man, Peter Parker." He pulled at the restraints on his arms with all of his might but he did not stand a chance against the webbing. Peter made it look so easy.
Peter grinned at Chris's promise. He loved the challenge. The possibility that even if someone did find him, he would have the pleasure of killing him himself. It amused Peter that Chris could even have the nerve to threaten him in the position he was in.
"Well, let the game begin." He gave a wave as he started to pull the door closed. Chris yelled to the top of his lungs until the heavy metal door ceased his screams.
#dark peter x reader#dark peter parker#peter parker#dub con#dark!peter parker#dark!peter x reader#peter parker x reader#spiderman x reader#dark!spiderman x reader#dark!spiderman#dark!tom holland#tom holland x reader#peter parker one shot
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đ The Only Tall Maknae | Wonyoung
Request: hii can i request an izone wonyoung jealous cuddles scenario with shorter fem!reader? thank uu Plot: Wonyong and the small idol Fem!Reader are in a relationship. During MAMA, Wonyoung gets jealous of her girlfriend. Words: 2,661 Genre: fluff Notes: tried to write it in a way that was closer to the thoughtless attitude of teenagers inexperienced in having a relationship as idols. there are spaces for prequels or part two, maybe. if you want, send me a plot and i will write more from this universe! hope you like it! have a nice week!
Wonyoung was happy to be at MAMA again. What made her even happier, in addition to performing and receiving all the love from Wizones, was that you were there, with her. Not exactly with her, since the location of the tables was made so that her group and yours were somewhat distant, but you both were there, giving sneaky glances at each other and dancing excitedly during more animated performances by groups you liked. You had to control yourselves, trying to be discreet, even though almost all the idols in your circle of friends already knew your closeness was something more. There were cameras there and they weren't kind at all.
You met through friends and have been dating for almost a year. Staying with her took away all your tiredness, reinvigorated your energies and left you with a happiness never felt before. She was the most beautiful and adorable girl in the world. And you were lucky to be her girlfriend. Very lucky.
Your group had made the second comeback in a year and, for the first time, your schedules were proximate. You were doing your best and she was doing her best, and you were able to meet in the meantime.
You just didn't expect to be nominated for Best New Female Artist, but Wonyoung was rooting for you, and when it came time to announce the winning group, you focused on her again and sighed.
"You are just a silly in love.", Soojin's voice sounded low in your ear, clearly mocking your "heart eyes" towards Wonyoung.
You felt your cheeks getting hot. The pros and cons of being a maknae... even though you were spoiled in many moments, your group really liked to make jokes about how you lost the bossy pose when you were with your girlfriend. And also the difference between your height and hers. It was extremely evident! But you loved it, after all, you could hide your face on her neck while you hugged.
"I'm not silly!", you said, smiling.
You turned your face to the stage, where the MC's were about to read the name of the award-winning female group.
Your eyes met Wonyoung's for a moment, looking for strength in case your group didn't win, and you gave her a bigger smile, getting back the most beautiful smile in the world.
Until they announced the name of your group.
There was a round of applause and you were a little lost, in shock, looking at your group mates for answers. Did you imagine things or did you really win? Your expression was so shocked that, at the same time, several fans were already turning into a meme on the social media. Feeling goosebumps come and go through your entire body and a light tug from Soeun on your arm, you got up and went from your table to the stage.
After that, everything went very fast. The leader, Soojin, said gratitude words to the fans, the staffs, everyone who supported the group, promises to continue working hard to deliver a good message through music, etc...
Wonyoung was very proud of you and, as your group came down from the stage and went to a part on the side of it for pictures, Yujin made a joke that she couldn't understand, but it was about the two of you. She looked at Eunbi as if she was seeking approval to come to you, but Eunbi was in a conversation with Nako about the award.
"It was pretty obvious that they were going to win, they are the best!", Yena exclaimed, when a new presentation started.
"You guys make a couple of very powerful maknaes, despite the height difference!", Chaewon whispered, from Wonyoung's left side, making her smile.
A few minutes went by and Wonyoung wanted to be able to go directly to you to congratulate you, even if not in the warm way she would do backstage, with a very tight hug and soft kisses on your lips, calling you "my love". Looking for you at your table, Wonyoung frowned. Your whole group was there, even the prize was there with them, but where were you? Were you at the bathroom?
"Where...", Wonyoung's question died in it's beginning. A few tables on the left, there were you. Holding another girl's hands. And that was enough for Wonyoung to feel her cheeks flush with jealousy and her heart sinking into her chest.
"I can't wait to take several selfies with it! It's so beautiful!", whispered Yein beside you, thinking about the award that was in Soojin's hands.
You nodded as you went up the stairs, until you felt a hand on your shoulder. Turning aroung, shoulders and a smile that formed an enlarged heart were the first things that took over your vision, indicating that the person who called you was tall. You focused your gaze on the face, raising your head, and realized that the owner of the smile was Yeeun, as known as J, a member of StayC. And your friend and classmate.
"Hey!", she greeted you, still smiling, and held your hands. "You rocked up there! I only got time to listen to your group's album yesterday, but it's really good! Congratulations on the award!"
"Oh, thank you so much!", you came a little closer to her to allow the girls to go up the narrow stairs. "I'm in love with your album too. ASAP always manages to make me very happy, even on days when my mood is not... good."
You were not praising each other for no reason, you had known each other long enough to not need formal praises.
"I know how hard you and your group worked for it and it was really deserved.", she had a caring glow in her eyes. "I know I haven't been on this idol journey for a long time but if you need anything, I'm here. I know there may be some difficulties but we will get through them together!"
"You can count on me too, Yeeun. This is not easy at all, but we are managing to achieve our dream almost together! Can you believe it?", you said, smiling excitedly.
Until you felt the lighting of the place get a little darker.
Yeeun's eyes landed on a spot above your head. You turned around to see the reason why there was a shadow on you, and there she was. Your girlfriend.
Yeeun greeted Wonyoung, bowing, while she was standing there, beautiful and in that black outfit full of sparkles that left you mesmerized since the beginning of her presentation.
"Hello, bab-sun-babe-nim!", you stuttered, impacted by the beauty of your girlfriend.
Almost calling her "babe", you tried to fix it by calling her (actually trying to call her) sunbaenim. Even though Yeeun knew about your relationship (you had already told her since you were friends), you didn't want any strangers to know. And that place was full of cameras and ears everywhere. It was risky. But your correction to the soft nickname you used to call her only made Wonyoung raise an eyebrow. There was something in her eyes and you knew it wasn't because of the makeup.
Yeeun greeted her and Wonyoung used a polite education towards the girl of almost the same height, differentiating by a few centimeters almost imperceptible, but that, with you between them, made you look much younger than them, even though the three of us had almost the same age.
Wonyoung praised StayC's performance and Yeeun thanked her before saying bye to you both and heading to the table where her group was at.
You raised your hand to Wonyoung's but the tall girl crossed her arms.
"Hey, what's up?", you asked.
"Nothing.", her tone was harsh and you felt a small pain your in your chest, but she had a smile on her face. A fake smile. "I wanted to be the first to congratulate you, but someone has already done that.", The smile was still on her face, for the cameras, but the tone of voice was still kinda rude towards you. "I can't even hold your hands without hear you saying that some people might be surprised by it, but apparently it's just with me. But, congratulations on the award, Y/N. It was well deserved. The girls and I congratulate your group.", she turned and started walking in towards Izone's table.
"Hey, what's up, Wonnie?", you asked, hurrying to catch up with her, but keeping an expression of false happiness on your face.
"Nothing.", her tone of voice cut into your heart, she hadn't even bothered to turn around.
"Hey, you know I can't keep up with your stride, that's not fair."
She stopped on the stairs, in the corridor that led to where her group's table was, turning to you and you almost ran into her, taking a few steps back.
"Just don't!", her gaze on you was as hard as her voice, but the smile was wide open on her face, it was petrified there.
You stopped as you watched your girlfriend move on without looking back.
"I can really do whatever tomorrow morning, I don't care, I just need to get this sorted out as soon as possible."
"I just think it's too late for you to go there...", Soojin had some concern in her voice.
"Have you texted her yet?", Jiyoon asked, stretched out on the living room floor.
"Several times and she doesn't answer nor even reply my texts since yesterday.", you paced back and forth in front of the television.
"If you keep walking like this, we'll find petroleum," said Soeun.
You sat on the floor next to Jiyoon.
"None of the girls answer you?", asked Seojeong, stretching.
"Hyewon replied that she is in a bad mood and locked herself in the room after dinner."
"What did you do, huh?", Yein asked.
"I don't know!", you almost shout, hiding your face in your hands.
"Oh, go on then because one in a bad mood is one thing but two in bad mood in different groups is a punishment! Go, go!", Soojin pulled you by the arm to get up and started pushing you towards the door .
"But what about the manager..."
"We'll find a way to cover you up, don't worry!", Seojeong said and Soojin closed the door.
You went down the stairs, calling an uber.
"Do you know how late it is?", asked Hyewon, rubbing her eyes and yawning.
"I know you don't usually sleep early, Hyewon. But it's a life-and-death situation!", you replied while removing your shoes in the lobby, only your socks on your feet.
"Death for whom? Only if it is for us, right? The sour mood she was in... I asked if she wanted salad and she almost killed me with her eyes!", with a tone of indignation, Sakura started to speak. "What did you do, huh?"
"I don't know!", you were about to cry. "Can I go and talk to her?"
The two girls nodded and you crossed the room to the hall like a bullet. When you opened the door, the room was dark and you already knew the way to Wonyoung's bed because you visited her sometimes. But instead of lying down, you knelt beside the bed, even in the dark, and whispered her name. You wanted to hold her hand but you were afraid. If she was upset with you, she probably wouldn't want you even there.
"Wonyoung?", you called again, this time in a louder tone.
"I can't believe you came here even after I treated you like that."
You didn't understand what the phrase meant.
"Can I lie down?", you asked, receiving in response Wonyoung moving her body to give you some space.
You embraced her in a hug, hoping she wouldn't reject it, even with her back to you. Again, her answer did not come in words. She held your arm around her.
"What did I do? Tell me so I won't repeat it.", your face was on her back.
"I'm feeling ashamed."
"Of me?"
"No! Of you??? Never! I'm ashamed of myself. I can't even look at you...", she confessed.
You were still confused, but you hugged her tighter. You wanted her to feel you there.
"You don't have to. You didn't do anything wrong, Wonnie..."
You heard a loudest sigh and she turned to you, resting her hand on your neck and touching your foreheads.
"I... I was an idiot. You, your group, had just won one of the most important awards of the night! I myself know how it feels to win it, I know how rewarding it is and... at the moment I-I didn't support you because I was... jealous.", you knew you shouldn't interrupt her, she was venting out. "I wish I could've hugged you and praised you... I feel so proud of you and everyting that you have achieved... but I saw you with that girl and she was holding your hands and she was smiling with such affection, I don't know what I was feeling other than jealousy.", her voice showed a little bit of anger and fragility but she kept her hand on your neck, caressing it. "I was wondering if she was special enough to show affection like that in front of so many cameras... if you liked tall maknaes and...", at that moment you laughed. "Hey, don't laugh! This is not funny at all!", she slapped you lightly on the shoulder.
"No, babe, what's funny is that you think I could have eyes for anyone but you."
"Yeah, you go ahead and think it's funny! And if it were me with, I don't know, a short maknae like you, holding her hands, wouldn't you be jealous when you saw it from a distance, without having an idea of ââwhat's going on? Would it be funny?"
"Yah! I get it! Don't even make me think of you with someone else.", you took her wrist and stroked it. "Yeeun is just a friend from school and she was congratulating me. There was nothing else. There would never be. She knows about us and gives the greatest support! I just didn't get to introduce you decently because there is never enough time. I want you to see that you don't have to feel jealous because you are the only tall maknae I love. I love you. "
"I'm sorry for ruining everything and making you come here almost at the dawn. You shouldn't have come so late!", she pulled you into a tight hug. "But at the same time I'm so glad and relieved you came.", she whispered that last sentence.
"I would come at anytime.", you whispered back, kissing her cheek.
"It's too late for you to leave. What are you going to do? We can arrange everything for you to stay.", you were going to talk but Wonyoung wouldn't let you. "We can really work it out, make up a very good lie for the managers, take you back to the dorm quickly tomorrow very early. I imagine you have a lot of commitments now that you've won the award but... it's so late... and I want you to stay with me."
"Okay, I'll stay.", you replied, without thinking. "But I need some clothes to sleep."
"Okay, you can borrow Nako's pajamas."
"Hey!"
"I'm kidding!", Wonyoung laughed. "You can borrow one of mine. It'll be huge on you, but you look beautiful anyway."
Embarrassed, you hid your face on her neck and felt her presence for a while, a warm embrace full of a young love that was blooming beautifully. The next day, you would have to deal with your manager scolding you a lot, knowing he would be right, but for now, you would enjoy your time with Wonyoung. Whatever happened next, it wouldn't matter. What mattered now was to be with the only tall maknae that you loved with all your heart.
#izone scenario#izone scenarios#wonyoung scenario#wonyoung scenarios#girlgroup scenario#girlgroupscenarios#wonyoung x reader#wonyoung imagine#izone imagine
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ngl this oneâs really for the mutuals, and do we have a cw keyword for sentimentality?*
(*like for real, this is not an easy read nor one Iâm asking anyone to take time with, I just need to be better about expressing whatâs happening for me.)
I love New Year stuff. My mom has also always loved the new year--we love a new school year even when weâre not in school, or any chance to start the Next Era.
Getting to set a vision for the future! Thinking about who to become, where to be! Figuring out how to hone the next bit of a lifetime to improve it.
Yesterday, I was crying not ABOUT New Year stuff but BECAUSE of it.
Last year I felt paralyzed, trying to come up with things that were exciting, and yet I was tired and fearful and a lot of what I had to do was just finish out my degree and get housing and so on. But I put in an effort, it felt a bit like filling the form and it took longer than I wanted.
It wasnât a bad turnout. I chose a keyword with an extra adjective to add a little give, a little focusing.
I donât know what my mom did last year, but Iâm sure it was muted, a little more about walking out self care and focusing on what she needed.
Last night, I thought about texting her in the morning, realized I didnât really want to say anything about the New Year, and thought, âI miss you.â That was a breaking point. At some point, sheâs no longer going to be the person she was, and that transition may have already happened without me noticing. I miss that weâre not big brain dreamers and schemer, with projects and plans to make manifest if only we make sure to name it appropriately.
How can I choose a benediction word for this year when I think the worst thing to ever happen to me is going to keep happening in it? Is going to finally happen? Will have happened?
Itâs not that Iâm giving up on this year. Iâm more grimly steadfast in it. Iâm planning a trip to Iceland for my family, now in a few weeks, that my parents thought I was overdoing in terms of the accessible tour, but after the last round of radiation my mom was in a wheelchair.
Iâm making arrangements to take significant time off to care for my mother, and thinking through the contingencies. Thinking through what goals in my life I can still try to work toward, and which to cut loose.
But giving this year a whimsical theme feels like denying the way it feels like a whole future is dying in me right now.
Every year my mom was building up toward something bigger, and I really believed in her. I borrowed her audacity to believe in myself. This year I can only believe that Iâm not actually dying from heartbreak, accept that I canât always be present with that heartbreak, and let the compulsion to transmute hard times into lessons and material simmer down for the time being.
Grace note: The love I feel for my mom is a tribute to the person she set her intentions to being every year.
#Tumblr is not the appropriate place for this but I feel like burying this so Tumblr it is#cw grief#no i am not improving my chances of going to work without a headache from crying tonight#tw grief#cw death#cw cancer#idios blog tag
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âiâm hereâ
NSFW (minors dni)
hawks | takami keigo x reader
word count: ~2.2k
keigo comes home and youâve both got old wounds on the surfaceÂ
warnings: sex-based breakdown/panic, depictions of ptsd, safe-wording, trauma (đ), vague descriptions of dissociation
a/n: hey folks, mind the tags! this is some vulnerable, self-indulgent hurt/comfort. iâm a bit shy posting this one BUT all the same enjoy <3
Keigo cared.
You could tell, so easily. It radiated around him when you were together, this aura that he never carried publicly. It was saved for you, a different type of adoration and tenderness that solely belonged between the two of your souls.
It was never acknowledged, but felt, and that quiet recognition was enough.
There were things you couldnât tell him, not yet and fuck, maybe you never would. Everyone has their demons, and you knew Keigo had plenty of secrets he kept to him.
(How many times did you help him pluck and preen feathers still wet with blood? He assured you it was never his, but that didnât ease the knot in your gut.)
It was just boundaries, maybe. Maybe. The things you couldnât, wouldnât tell each other. Little lines drawn to keep the two of you safe from your pains. Better to lock them up than share them, right?
Except, things are never that simple and ills hate staying hidden for too long.
...
Heâd been gone for a while. A mission far off and secret.
By proxy, Keigo had come home haggard and hungry.
For you.
He entered your home and without pause, he was on you.
He tossed you into bed. His wings flared out wide and ruffled. It made him look bigger than he was, and the light in his eyes had a starved gleam that sent your heart racing.
You tried to ignore his new, plentiful bruises and bumps. The colors bloomed over his skin, even in the near dark of the bedroom.
What does he do when heâs away?
It was better to not ask questions.
He ravaged you, naturally. How could he not? Heâd been gone for weeks, sending you the nastiest, most yearning texts. Nothing too long, but little notes that communicated how much he missed you, how much he fucking needed you.
And he was certainly showing you.
His lips were over yours, nipping and sucking and devouring you in every sense of the word. Hands tugged and ripped your clothes off, his nails long and unmanicured with his mission. They werenât quite pointed, but they were still too sharp to be scratching down your ribs.
It was all a bit too much, a bit too fast, but you tried to catch up the best you could.
âKeigoââ You sputtered as he bit his way down to your breasts, tugging on a nipple with his teeth.
âHush,â His voice sounded far too low and it made your stomach flip (in the worst way oh my god). âIâll take care of you. Doesnât that sound nice, dove?â
The pet name shouldâve soothed you.
(âShouldâveâ.)
Your inside did flips as he trailed lower.
Your mind was going lower too.
Mentally, you scrambled, clawing for a ledge to ground yourself on. Sensation whirled, pleasure and fear mixing into some fucked up cocktail in the front of your psyche.
Why are you so scared?
Your heart pounded, nearly ached in your chest as Keigo played with your clit over your panties.
It shouldâve felt good.
His tousled hair was so fucking pretty. Keigo was gorgeous in every way, the wings were just a part of his visage. You were so lucky, so privileged to have him looking at your cunt so hungrily.
Youâre so scared.
Why are you scared?
(You knew why, you just didnât want to remember any more than you needed to. But that wasnât really in your control, was it?)
You felt like you were falling as Keigo cleanly licks your cunt through your panties, soaking the cotton with his drool.
No, no, no.
Tears pricked your eyes as he pulled aside your panties, just enough to get a look, going in for a tasteâ
NO, NO, NOâ
âN-no. Stop.â You gasped the words, cringing at how they broke in your throat. âKeigo, s-stop.â
Keigo froze immediatly, gaze flickering up to your face before his expression fell hard and fast.
No, no, no, you made him upset.
Dumbass.
He shot up, wings folding tight to his back. You scrambled up on the bed, arms wrapping around your shoulders. They shook in your grasp, you shook in your own hold as you tried to comfort yourself. Your breath was coming too fast and hard, but that was another issue entirely. You tucked into yourself tighter and let your vision go blurry in the ripples of the sheets.
Keigo sat in front of you, eyes wide and lips parted in terror and unsure words.
âIâm so s-sorry,â His hands folded in his lap. So tense they looked painful.
You shook your head, laughing, âItâs not your fault. You didnât do anything wrong.â
You just couldnât do this right now.
âCan I help?â
You didnât reply for a moment, trying to reign in your racing mind.
Truly, Keigo didnât do anything wrong. Maybe moved a bit too fast, but nothing out of the ordinary. Youâd done this song and dance so many times, you loved it. Most of the time.
Sometimes, someone with your secrets had bad days that made you scared of the people that love you the most.
A thick sludge burrowed in the back of your throat as you shook your head.
Thinking felt too hard.
âNot yet,â you choked out rubbing at your cheeks. The tears smeared over your cheeks, turning them hot and angry as the rabbitâs heart buried in your chest. .
Keigo hovered, unsure.
It wasnât like him not to know what to do. He was intuitive and saw through people easily, even if he didnât say it. And he knew you particularly well. Very well. Little details about you and your being were tucked away in his mind, always brought out in key moments.
âDovey?â He asked softly, like trying not to startle a terrified animal (isnât that what you were?) âDo you want me to go?â
âN-no,â The words burst from your lips as your chest squeezed so tight, you couldâve checked. âNo, no, no, please donât go.â
You gagged on air and slammed back into the headboard.
Sure, the odd mix of emotions and very unwelcome memories was rawing your mind and body from the inside out. Sure, Keigo knew nothing of what you were experiencing. This was private, all of this part of you held far away from him. This was your burden. You had therapy, and self-help books, and deep breathing.
But, none of that was working. Instead, you were staring down your lover, helpless.
Your eyes flickered to the nightstand.
âWater?â
Keigo was already sending off a flurry of feathers to freshen up the liquid in the glass.
Good start.
Keigoâs hands twitched, wings restless as he regarded you. His breaths were even and solid, counted and practiced to keep himself calm in the face of your panic.
A chilled glass was delivered to you by a bundle of feathers. You snatched it, holding it to your cheeks before taking a few fat gulps.
Slow down.
Youâre going too fast.
âLittle sips,â Keigo reminded you, voice soft.
You pulled back, looking at him in your hazy vision, âLittle sips?â
You tried again, taking a smaller sip, swishing the water in your mouth before swallowing.
âWas that good?â You looked at him, inching closer to him
He nodded, golden and glowing, âVery good.â
The praise was a little bit of salve for a much larger wound, but it felt wonderful nonetheless.
Keigo wasnât the issue.
He wasnât, truly. You knew that, despite all the swirling fear.
The only issue with Keigo was that he suddenly felt too far away.
You gave him a desperate little look, hands itching across the covers.
He noticed because of course he fucking did.
(Thank fucking god.)
âIâm here.â
It was a reminder, a needed one.
Keigo, your kind, sweet partner was not the memories swirling his mind. He didnât hurt you, he didnât harm you.
â... Yeah?â You sniffled.
âI am.â His face was soft, softer than youâd ever seen. The pre-mature wrinkles looked too deep in the moonlight. His eyes looked too old, too worn, as he silently acknowledged those goddamn demons without a word. A little, rumbling coo broke from the back of his throat and felt yourself relax with the sound.
And, fuck, bless himâ
Keigo gave you a soft smile that felt like warm honey in spiced tea that seeps into the cracks between your ribs. Â
âHold me?â You finally asked, words shaking but not hesitant.
He nodded, and before you could comprehend, he was tugging you down into the sheets, pulling you to his chest and squeezing. It wasnât rough treatment, but it was firm, grounding at the very fucking least. His arm wrapped around your middle, pulling you to his chest and holding you there. Your cheek squished against the chill of the cooling sweat over his sternum, a shaking breath finally coming slow enough to give you a bit of ease.
âIs this okay?â Keigo asked, one of his wings adjusted to barely ghost over your bodies.
You pressed closer, greedy and scared, âMore. Tighter. Please.â
Keigo wasnât one to deny you.
His grip got firmer, fingers stroking up and down your spine in time with his own slow breathing. The wing over you relaxed, bearing down just enough to be comfortable. It was maybe a little too much. You dealt with it, let the weight of Keigo be next to you and over you because he was good. You were good or going to be. You clung to the thought.
âYouâre safe, I promise.â
You clung to that thought too. Keigo was good and safe. You believed him if only a little bit.
You hoped Keigo knew that this wasnât about him. That the poisonous memories and awful thoughts werenât about him, rather than heâd caught their thin, nearly invisible tripwire.
Youâre safe, why are you panicking?
Because sometimes this just happens.
You pressed your nose between his pecs, tucking a hand between the roots of his wings. It made him startle; the area was sensitive. He quickly relaxed and went back to petting your back and taking deep breaths.
The two of you laid for a long time, surrounded by each other's breathing and grounding in the heat of the sheets and the white noise of the world. You remained in some sort of a daze for most of it, the memories fading, but just leaving you numb and out of it.
âMore water?â Keigo asked, tentatively kissing your clammy forehead.
You nodded, sitting up slowly and rubbing a hand over your cheeks. The air felt less suffocating, your mind calmer, but you still felt like shitâ
âDrink,â Keigo brought the glass to your lips with a combination of his hands and feathers.
You gulped down half of the freshened water, letting a bit dribble past the corner of your lips. The leftovers were swept away by your thumb and rubbed in your hot cheeks. The cold was a grounding, and the world was finally stilling as you needed it to.
âYou didnât do anything wrong,â You met Keigoâs gaze from where he sat across from you. He sat upright and on his knees, hands and wings folded to his center. The posture made him look smaller as he watched you. His bright eyes took you in as well as they could, but you could sense he was still a little on edge.
Your words made his brows shoot up.
âI should be telling you that, not the other way around,â Keigo bit his lip and frowned.
You snatched his hands in yours, âWe both need it. I need you to know Iâm not upset.â
âYou... should be. At least a little.â
You gave a little shake of your head, thick in your resolve.
Keigo stayed silent before taking a deep breath, wings readjusting with thought, âI suppose you donât want to talk about it?â
âI... I donât,â Maybe sometime, but not now. âBut, I still need you to know you didnât do anything wrong. It just moved too fast for me and I got...â
You lost your words and your vision went hazy at the bedsheets once more.
âOverwhelmed?â He finished your sentence with a squeeze of your hands.
âYeah, fuck, thatâs the word,â You shook your head. âIâm still not feeling great.â
âThatâs okay, â Keigo assured you with another squeeze. âCan I help at all?â
You shook your head once more.
Not right now, not more than youâve already done.
âJust be here, if thatâs okay? Like you have been.â You fully intertwined your fingers, noticing the remnants of something dark under his fingernails. More than likely dirt, but it was still a reminder. âItâs just nice to have you close.â
Everyone has their demons.
âCan I still kiss you?â Keigo asked as you dragged him under the covers.
You mussed on it, wondering if it would bring back the thick fog and panic.
âOnly a little,â You told him, once again burying yourself in him. âIâll let you know if itâs too much.â
It was more than enough for the two of you.
Keigo tilted your jaw up with his palm, giving you the gentlest kiss he could. His touch remained firm everywhere else, but he was tentative in giving you the space you needed.
He pulled away and you tuck yourself under his chin.
âThank you.â
Keigoâs wing stretched over you, blocking out whatever thoughts and ills clawed toward you. In a wordless squeeze, he said all that needed to.
âOf course.â
#salem writes#hawks x reader#hawks#takami keigo x reader#takami keigo#tw ptsd#tw trauma#if y'all read and think there should be other warnings added#please shoot me an ask or a message#i wasn't sure i was gonna post this one but#here we are#enjoy lovies <3
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Bad Girlfriend
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harry lewis x fem!reader
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@ketamineharry suggested a harry imagine based off of Anne-Marieâs Bad Girlfriend and voila
please check my pinned post for request/prompt info and my masterlist
You cancel plans for me - I cancel ours on you - Say I'd be back early - I don't get in 'til 2 - You ask me where I've been - I tell you something vague - Think I messed up again - What can I say
You were sick and tired of Harry and his behaviour. When you first got together, you chalked his actions up to being young and dumb. And then to getting used to having more money. Then you blamed it on having to deal with so much at such a young age.Â
The excuses piled up, one on top of the other. You knew one day it would all come toppling down around you, drowning you and Harry in a sea of problems that you doubted youâd be able to survive. Youâd excused cheating, been by his side during hangovers from hell and comedowns that took too long to make Harry realise that the high really wasnât worth the pain. Youâd rubbed his back and handed him bottles of water and paracetamol and nursed him back to health, only for him to go and get in the same state the next weekend and expect you to help him gather the pieces back together again.
Youâd tried to patch things up. Every time that you went to Harry to air all your concerns, tell him that if he doesnât get his act together that youâd leave, and he always promised that things would be better this time. But something would always happen. Thereâd be plans heâd forget or cancel. Heâd get too drunk and end up with hands over another girlâs body.Â
âOoh, you look niceâ, Harry commented as soon as you answered his FaceTime call. âWhat are you doing?â, he asked you.
âIâm off out with some girls from uni tonightâ, you told him as you stood up from the sofa and started gathering your things together.
âI thought you were coming over?â, he said, a small pout forming on his lips.
âSorryâ, you said nonchalantly. âIâll make it up to you, yeahâ, you told him half-heartedly.
âYeah, whateverâ, Harry huffed. âCome back here after?â, he suggested.
âSureâ, you said, a small smile on your lips. âIâve gotta go, their taxi just pulled up. Love youâ, you rushed out, hanging up and shoving your phone into your clutch, along with your keys, card and some cash.
Harry đ: where are you itâs 11?
Harryđ: y/n câmon i miss you
Harryđ: am i waiting up for you or not?
Harryđ: its 2am
You didnât read the texts until you were swaying on the spot in the lift of Harryâs apartment building. Your vision was fuzzy as you tried to find the right key for their front door. âY/N?â, Harry asked, opening the door.
âHeyâ, you slurred, stumbling towards him. âI couldnât see your keyâ, you told him.
âWhereâve you even been?â, Harry asked, voice dripping with distaste and disappointment.
âHere, there, everywhereâ, you giggled.Â
âCome on, go to bedâ, Harry said sternly. âI have a shoot tomorrow and Josh will kill me if Iâm late or lackingâ, he told you.
âOh, I am so very sorryâ, you drawled, exaggerating all of your words, much to your own amusement.
âIâm not being funny, Y/N. Go to bed or go homeâ, Harry said sharply.
Your face dropped, the small square inch of your brain that was yet to be drenched in vodka and whatever else youâd been drinking lit up with anger. âFineâ, you snapped. You stormed down the hallway, sure of your footing this time and not stumbling once.
âWhere are you going?â, Harry called after you.
âHome!â, you shouted, wrenching the front door open and slamming it behind you as hard as you could.
You shivered in the cold, late night wind of London as you waited on the curbside for your taxi. As soon as the car pulled up, you slid into the backseat and rattled off your address. The street lights and neon signs of London passed by in a blur of alcohol and anger and regret. âThanks. Keep the changeâ, you muttered, handing a note over to the driver and getting out of the taxi.
Once youâd got back into your apartment, you changed into some pyjamas and took your make-up off as quickly as possible. You crawled under the covers, pulling them around your body and getting comfy in the middle of your bed.Â
Part of you felt a little guilty for how youâd treated Harry, but a bigger part of you couldnât find the effort to care. Youâd put up with Harry acting like this for 6 years, he could tolerate you doing it once or twice.
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You wanna meet my friends - I say another day
âAnother day, Harryâ, you sighed, heavily, turning back to the work you were trying to get done for your classes.
âYou always say that. Youâve been on this course for, like, a yearâ, Harry whined.
âI know but I really need to focus on work at the moment, Harryâ, you told him. âI started my degree later than I wanted to anyway and then I didnât commit to it like I should have last year because ofâŠâ, you trailed off. âAnother dayâ.
âBecause of what?â, Harry asked, voice taking a combative edge as he sat up straighter.
âHarry, I donât want to get into this againâ, you sighed heavily, slumping into your chair.
âWell, you started it!â, he argued. âSo finish your sentence. Go on!â, he goaded.
âI couldnât commit to my degree because I was too busy looking after you!â, you shouted. âIs that what you wanted? Me to lash out? Fucking well doneâ, you spat. You gathered up your things as quick as you could, closing your book and shoving things into your bag.
âWhere are you going now?â, Harry asked frustratedly.
âHome. I have an essay to do for next weekâ, you muttered as you shoved past Harry.
Things between you and Harry were only getting worse. You knew about the other girls, but the both of you just pretended that you didnât. All of his friends saw Harry as some sheepish kid with a loud mouth girlfriend, but they never got to see the Harry that you were seeing more and more. The Harry that held things from years ago against you, the Harry that was becoming more controlling by the day, the Harry that would raise his voice when things went even slightly not his way⊠The Harry that wasnât the same Harry that you fell in love with.
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'Cause I'm one in a million - More like in a billion - IÂ don't think it's cheating if I'm kissing other women - I do some shit you can't forgive - And you better get used to it
The more you and Harry argued, the more his friends didnât like you. They hid it well, especially Simon and Josh since you were such good friends with Talia and Freya. But you noticed the side glances youâd get anytime you laughed a little louder than usual, any time youâd say something that would make Talia or Freya cackle. Youâd notice the looks that they would send Harry when you had the audacity to go and dance and your own, or when youâd be on your phone whilst everyone else was fighting to keep you out of the conversation.
You had no doubt in your mind that Harry was telling them bare-faced lies about you and hiding the truth about himself. You knew that they had no clue about Harryâs cheating, about how bad his drinking and substance abuse had truly been, how much he actually relied on you for day to day functioning. All they knew was that you were loud, argumentative and didn't give Harry the time of day when it came to uni work.
âDo you think she knows sheâs punching?â, you heard Ethan ask JJ.
âI mean, itâs so obvious. Harryâs miles out of her league. Câmon man!â, JJ laughed in reply.
You looked to Harry to see his reaction. You knew heâd heard what was said, but based on the look on his face, he couldnât care less. You didnât need the validation from your boyfriendâs best friends, but it would be nice if your boyfriend would at least defend you or reassure you.
You rolled your eyes and turned to leave the table, heading towards the toilets. You were facing the mirror, touching up your hair and make-up, when Freya and Talia walked in. âWhat happened?â, Talia asked.
You told them what youâd heard and watched as their faces contorted into looks of horror. âOh my god!â, Freya exclaimed. âWhat did Harry say!?â, she asked, coming closer to hold you hand supportively.
Your silence answered their question perfectly. âI canât believe himâ, Talia huffed, wrapping her arms around you.
âThings havenât been great, but I never thought heâd just sit and let his best friends slag me off practically to my faceâ, you told them. Your eyes were watery.
âHey, babe. Donât let your mascara runâ, a dark haired girl told you, handing you a tissue. âWhoever is letting someone slag you off is stupidâ, she assured you.
âMy boyfriendâ, you said sadly.Â
âI hate boysâ, she laughed darkly, rolling her eyes, before rejoining her group of friends.
You, Talia and Freya emerged from the toilets around 5 minutes later, once you were sure that your tears had dried and werenât going to restart. The three of you walked towards the table, Freya and Talia immediately sliding next to Josh and Simon.
âWhereâs Harry?â, you asked, not seeing him anywhere. Ethan gave you a look and pointed towards the dancefloor before turning back to his conversation with JJ and Vik.
You glanced over towards the dancefloor, hoping youâd see Harry. Thankfully, he was towards the edge, back turned towards you. You watched as he turned around, ready to try and grab his attention. His eyes met yours, briefly filling with panic, before darting back down to the girl in his arms.
âFuck thisâ, you muttered, as Harryâs friends and Freya and Talia all watched as he tried to assess the situation and what to do.
He watched as you walked closer, looking ready to send the stranger away. Harryâs eyes followed you as you sailed past him and towards the middle of the dance floor. You could feel eyes on you as you began dancing to the music, letting the beat mix with the alcohol and take over your body.
âDid you sort things with your boyfriend?â, a female voice asked. It was the girl from the bathroom. You rolled your eyes somewhat playfully at her.
âNoâ, you snorted. âI came to speak to him and he was all over another girlâ, you told her. Your eyes darted over to where youâd last seen Harry. âThatâs him there, sucking face with the blondeâ.
âI hope heâs your ex-boyfriend nowâ, she told you, raising an eyebrow.
âItâs complicatedâ, you admitted, looking down in shame. It wasnât news to you that you were letting Harry treat you like a doormat, but you had yet to muster up the courage to leave him. Just as you looked up, ready to offer to explain it over a drink, someone behind you shoved you, sending you catapulting into the girlâs arms.
âCareful there, canât have you falling for me already. Iâve not even started flirting yetâ, she told you with a smirk. âMarthaâ, she said politely, holding out a hand.
âY/Nâ, you told her with a shy smile as you accepted her outstretched hand.
âCare for a dance?â, Martha asked you, pulling you closer with the hand that was still in hers.
You didnât care if Harry and his friends watched as your bodies rolled together. Harry had never danced with you on a night out like this, never held you shamelessly in a club for everyone to see. Harry had never held your face so securely as he pulled you in for a kiss in front of everyone around you.
âWhat the fuck, Y/N?â, you heard beside you.
âIs this the boyfriend?â, Martha asked once sheâd pulled back and let her eyes flutter open, eyeing Ethan up and down as soon as she had.
âThe boyfriendâs best friendâ, you told her, preparing to step out of her hold.
âLast time I checked, the boyfriend was preoccupied with someone else. Get him to come and find me when he wants his girlfriend. Weâll be right hereâ, she said, voice powerful and allowing no argument as her arms held you closer.
Harry never came to find you. The two of you left the club in separate taxis and you left with a new number saved in your phone.
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You should be with someone else - Someone who is not myself
âHarry, you deserve so much betterâ, you heard a voice say as you walked into Harryâs apartment. You walked down the hallway quietly, lingering just behind the door frame to eavesdrop on the conversation.
âWeâve been together for so long, thoughâ, Harry sighed.
âDid you not see what she did the other night? She was all over some other chick!â, a voice, Simonâs, exclaimed.
âMaybe it was just a mistake, yâknowâ, Harry tried to reason.
âSheâs not good for you, Harryâ, JJ, this time, said.
Youâd heard enough. You turned the corner, coming face to face with all 7 of the boys. âY/NâŠâ, Harry trailed off.
âNo, no. Carry on talking about me, itâs fineâ, you said, voice lathered in artificial sweetness.
âDamnit, Y/N, it wasnât like thatâ, Harry snapped, surprising everyone but you. âWhat are you doing?â, he asked as you started gathering a blanket off of the back of the sofa and plucking a hoodie off of the back of a dining room chair..
âGetting my shit and goingâ, you hissed.
âYouâre being dramaticâ, Harry scolded.
âNo, Harry. Iâve put up with your bullshit since we were 18. Iâm sick and tired of it. Iâve put my life on hold for long enough. You need someone, but Iâm not that someone anymore. Iâm sick of looking after you and letting your friends hate me just because youâre too much of a coward to tell them the truthâ, you spat.
âWe know everything, Y/Nâ, Ethan said smugly, rolling his eyes as he leaned back in his chair.
âSo you know that I started my degree late because I had to get Harry sober? You know that heâs cheated on me more times than I can count? You know that Iâve tried for 6 fucking years to get him to love me as much as I love him and itâs never fucking worked!?â, you all but yelled, shocking everyone in front of you.
âYou think I donât love you?â, Harry asked, voice frustrated and angry.
âI know that you donât love me as much as I love youâ, you told him simply. âYou cancelled 3 anniversary dates to go on nights out with the guys. You made me cancel a weekend away because you wanted to go to Dubai. You get annoyed when I try to do my uni work. You let Ethan and JJ slag me off, practically to my face, and didnât say a fucking wordâ, you told him.
You looked at Harry, waiting for a reaction. âDo you know how heartbreaking it is to hear my boyfriendâs best friends, people Iâve known for 6 years, say that Iâm punching and that you deserve better? Did you think about how much it hurt me when you didnât even flinch at what they said?â.
Harryâs face lit up in anger. âItâs not like youâve been a good girlfriend!â, he spat.
âBecause being a good girlfriend to you is like a full time job. Itâs a full time job and I havenât had a day off in over 5 years. So yeah, Iâve been a bad girlfriend⊠Boo fucking hooâ, you grumbled.
Harry remained silent, a sheepish look crossing his face. âWe can try againâ, he suggested quietly.
âWe have! Over and over again!â, you exclaimed, tears welling in your eyes as you spoke. âIâm exhausted, Harry. Iâm tired of looking after you when Iâm just as hungover as you. Iâm tired of not making plans because I literally can not afford for you to cancel on me anymore. You donât value me or anything that I do. Your friends hate me and you donât care. Iâve been your last priority for years and Iâm sick of it. Weâre done. Iâll put your stuff in a box and bring it roundâ, you told him, voice losing more and more strength as you spoke.
âY/NâŠâ, Harry tried, reaching for your arm.
âDonâtâ.
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Love Pages
â Words: 18k
â Genres: 60% Angst, 40% Fluff, Yandere!AU, Inspired by Death Note
â Summary: You've always had feelings for Park Jimin, star soccer player and cute boy-next-door. But it's been unrequited for years and you expect it to continue that way. Or at least until a certain notebook falls into your hands.
â Warning: toxic relationships, loosely implied smut, some victim blaming. This is not your typical love story.
The more he ran, the deeper you fell.  You couldnât help it. Not when the breeze was whisking through his dark strands, sweat was rolling down his face and his brows were furrowed in concentration.  To some, it looked like Jimin was just playing soccer â a mischievous boy kicking a ball in the grassy field. But to you, it was much more than that. He was magic. Leaping through the air. Irises glistening each time the coach hollers and he smiles. The corner of his mouth tugged as his team members jump on his back.  Jimin is the one who manifests the butterflies in your stomach. And thatâs magical enough for you.  âYouâre drooling.â  Jihyo is startling when she throws her arm over your shoulders and pulls you away, shattering your trance. She giggles as you scoff, finally tearing your eyes from the boy across the field.  âNo, Iâm not.â  In spite of your denial, you check if you are indeed drooling and your hand wipes at the corner of your mouth.  âYou have it so bad for him, Y/N,â your best friend laughs loudly as you shush her. âRelax. No oneâs gonna hear. The whole neighbourhoodâs gonna find out anyway if you keep staring at him like that.â  âI am not staring.â  âUh-huh.â Itâs clear she doesnât believe you. âAre you actually going to talk to him or keep looking and making it obvious.â  âWhat would I even talk to him about, Jihyo?â  âI donât know. Youâve been crushing on him since what? Eighth grade? Shouldnât you know what he likes by now? What do nerds like?â  âJimin is not a nerd,â you defend futility and end up sighing a moment later. Jihyo has a point. But whenever it comes time to strike a conversation, your brain empties and all you can think about is how heâs actually paying attention to you. The problem isnât that you donât know what to say, you just donât know how to say it. âI always end up getting too nervous and make myself look stupid.â  âNeed my help?â  âNo.â  You glare as she grins. You know Jihyoâs definition of help is screaming his name for the entire school to hear. The whole soccer team would turn their heads as sheâd wave and point to you. She did that once and you were beyond mortified. Thankfully, Jimin was considerate enough to smile and wave back.  The two of you begin turning and walking away before youâre late for library duty. âIâm just saying, thereâs only four months left before weâre graduating for good. Whatâs there left to lose?â  âMy dignity.â  âI thought you didnât have any.â  You throw a weak punch, but Jihyo dodges out of the way and laughs.  You know your best friend is merely trying to help. Itâs not like you like being this hopeless anyway. But youâre aware that even if Jimin spares a moment for you sometimes, youâre nowhere near his league.  As you pass by the bleachers, your peripheral vision catches Jimin looking your way.  Immediately, you turn your head â heart stuttering. But then you realize heâs looking at Seulgi.  The girl is standing at the front bleachers, sweater tucked into her skirt, cheering him on and waving. And he waves back with an even bigger grin.  Jihyo doesnât miss the interaction. You feel her hand on your arm, guiding you away quicker.  âI heard Jimin and Seulgi have been getting close.â  âReally? I havenât.â  Jihyoâs lying. The rumours are running rampant that heâs interested in her. You were hoping it wasnât true, but of course he would. Sheâs popular and cute, and even dances. You canât do any of those things. You canât be those thingsâ  âY/N?â  âSorry?â You blink hard, attention taken by the youthful librarian behind the desk smiling gently.  âAre you alright, dear? Do you need to go home early?â  âNo.â You shake your head, feeling the weight of Jihyoâs gaze as well. âI was just thinking about something else. Iâm sorry.â  âItâs quite alright. I was saying how all the books have thankfully been shelved and all the things I needed to be cataloged into the computer system is done. Of course, itâs thanks to you two ladies helping me out recently.â  The pair of you respond that itâs not a problem and she smiles before guiding you towards the back and flicking on the lights of the dusty room.  âI was thinking we could tackle cleaning out the storage area today before we close up for the end of the year. It hasnât been touched since the previous librarian.â She sighs. âIâve been meaning to get it done but weâve just been so busy.â  Bookshelves on all sides and a table in the center, there are books without covers and ripped pages coating the surfaces. But itâs still not as terrible as that time you had to reorganize the entire science fiction section. That task alone took two weeks.  Jihyo seems to agree. âItâs actually not that bad.â  âWe can probably finish it in a day or two,â you add.  âYou girls are more helpful than youâll ever know.â The older lady breathes a big sigh of relief. âI was thinking we could inspect all of these and sort them into books that can still be used, donated or thrown out. Iâll run and grab you boxes so you can organize them. Oh and if thereâs anything youâd like to take home, feel free to! Take it as a perk of volunteering to help out.â  She smiles and you and Jihyo nod before getting to work.  âLook at what I found.â Your best friend holds up a bright coloured book five minutes into it and you burst out laughing. The novel reads âYouâve Got A Dog in Meâ and aside from the ridiculous title, itâs completely tattered with a brown stain in the middle. âIt looks like itâs some romance comedy. Whatever.â  She chucks it in the garbage can and you notice an old guide on how to spank children from the fifties. It raises your brows and you throw it in the trash too.  Thereâs a ton of books to go through, but you have fun looking at some of the ridiculous titles or synopsis with Jihyo. Some of them are able to be donated while others are in a good enough condition to be kept after the layers of dust are blown off. Itâs clear that no oneâs touched this storage area for years.  The room is crowded, so with Jihyo at the front, you venture to the very back bookcase. You dodge stacks and bins, and squat down to the last shelf. Almost instantly, your attention is taken by shiny green spines that seemingly shimmer even in the dim lights. The books are large and heavy duty, requiring two hands to be pulled out with how tightly theyâre stuffed into the shelf.  But you manage.  The first book reads âThe Magical World Exploredâ. The second is âDark Magic: Beginner Spellbookâ and the third, â17th Century Witchcraft Historyâ. Latin and other symbols surround the titles and two of them are with small locks, the other without. Yet you canât seem to open it no matter how hard you pull.  Whatâs even stranger is that the textbooks are immaculate. It looks like theyâve been untouched.  âWhat is it?â  Jihyo asks at your ongoing silence and approaches with the same curiosity that twists to befuddlement you have. âLooks like something edgy youâd pick up on ebay for that witch aesthetic.â  You burst out laughing. âI canât even open this one. Itâs like the pages are...glued together.â  âMaybe theyâre cursed,â she says jokingly and your next laugh is a bit more uncomfortable than the last. At the same time, the librarian pokes her head through the door, asking how everythingâs going. You take the opportunity to ask her about the odd books.  âHmm, this is strange,â she muses, tapping her chin. âIt looks like itâs from the previous librarian who worked at this school. I only met her a few times but she told me she was from a small village out in the middle of nowhere, so thatâs where these probably came from. Anyway, she already passed away so I canât give them back. If anything, just trash them.â  âOkay.â  You set them into the garbage can before continuing without thinking twice until thereâs an interruption.  âExcuse me?â  Thereâs a familiar gawky boy with rounded glasses at the front desk. With the librarian busy on the other side of the library, you grab your best friend and quirk your head towards him. âJihyo! Jihyo! Itâs Namjoon!â  âWhat?!â  âGo help him!â  Her face flushes pink. âNo! Why donât you?!â  âBecause!â You grin. âDidnât you say that we have nothing to lose since weâre graduating?â  âDonât you know Iâm all talk and no action?â Her last syllable is a squeal when you nudge her forward and out the side door where she stumbles into his line of sight. Jihyo throws a glare over her shoulder before she clears her throat. âIs there something you need? Or are you here to bother me again?â  Namjoon smiles. âBoth.â  You watch the cute interaction for a moment before leaving to give them some privacy. Humming to yourself, you resume inspecting and sorting the books, turning to the back shelf again. And as you clear it out, you grab a stack of novels at the top shelf.  Inadvertently, something topples on top of your head.  Luckily, itâs thin. Not painful whatsoever. Merely flopping to the carpetâ  A pastel pink notebook and in small text at the front, simple words read âLove Pagesâ.  It draws you in. Bewitched. Unblinking. Unbreathing.  A mysterious magnetism has you spellbound, curiosity coming within waves.  So you reach down to grab it, fingertips grasping the very edges of the few pages.  You flip it over to the back and your eyes skim the white text on the blushing cover:
The human whose name is written first shall fall in love with the human whose name is written second.
The Pages can only take effect if the writer has the personâs face in mind.
The only way the Pagesâ powers can be removed is through erasing the names.
A name cannot be written first more than once at a time.Â
Warning: The more naturally compatible a couple is, the more effective the Pages shall be. The less compatible a couple is, the more likely undesired consequences shall arise. Utilize with caution.  Youâre confused.  You wonder what kind of prank this is. Whoever did it had a really detailed and elaborate yet creative plan to fool someone. But you wonder if they accidentally left this notebook here.  Youâre not sure if the notebook should go straight into the garbage, so you toss it on the table and continue cleaning.  Itâs not long before you come across a crime novel youâre actually interested in and place it aside to remember to take home. And itâs not long before Jihyoâs coming back in with her backpack.  âHey, our shiftâs over. She said we can finish tomorrow. Wanna go grab fries on the way home?â  âSure.â You grin. âHowâd your talk with Namjoon go?â  Jihyo smiles, the usual assertive girl grown shy under the topic. âHow do you think it went?â  You grab the novel and shove it into your bag haphazardly without looking. You donât realize a certain soft pink notebook underneath that youâve taken as well.  //  Itâs evening by the time you get home. Tired and grimy from the long day, you beeline straight up the stairs to your room as your motherâs voice chirps from the kitchen.  âHave you had dinner yet?!â  âI already ate with Jihyo!â you call back before shutting your bedroom door.  You swing your backpack off your shoulders as you collapse into your chair. Your desk is cluttered with loose leaves of your bored scribbles, college pamphlets and school forms you never read. The attempt to make your room pretty and aesthetic failed years ago with your messy tendencies, but what catches your eye as you look around is the candle of Bundled Roses Jihyo gave you for your birthday.  Golden lid and shell pink container, you reach out and uncap it to dig the wax into your nose. Even after burning half of the candle already, it still smells good.  You smile to yourself, placing the candle back in its spot next to the lighter.  The desk lamp is switched on and you reach for your backpack to dump out your homework. In a few months, youâll be freed from ever having to sit down and be forced to do quadratic equations again. Graduation was definitely something to look forward to.  But as you spill the contents of your bag out, the crime novel and a certain pink notebook comes tumbling out.  âShit.â  The Love Pages stares back at you.  Itâs tiny print letters on the cover are simple yet annoying. You didnât mean to take it with you, but that mistakeâs gonna cost you a walk all the way to the library tomorrow. Or you could simply dump it in the trash bin now. Dust your hands off. Call it a day.  But for some reason, you donât.  You donât turn to stuff it back into your bag.  You donât shift to drop it in the trash.  Perhaps itâs on a whim, riding the wave of procrastination, preferring to delay homework for just another momentâ  You flip it open.  Min Yoongi      Kim Seokjin  Amane Miki    Jeon Jungkook  Kim Taehyung   Ellie Windsor  Itâs funny. In a strange sort of way. Thereâs an endless list of names spanning across the pages, each line consisting of exactly two but the writing is starkly different. For some of them, itâs clear that they were written by the same person. Straight lines, small letters, the occasional loops.  Yet for others, itâs chicken scratch writing or scribbles, hearts drawn on the side, thin lead to thicker ones. It looks like the notebookâs been passed to lots of people in spite of its immaculate exterior.  As you flip, you find faded names barely legible as if theyâve been erased. More importantly, thereâs more than ten pages that have yet to be written in.  For how silly and complex this prank is, maybe itâs a good luck charm.  Maybe these couples actually got together and this notebook somehow fell into your lap as a sign of fate. Maybe. Itâs ridiculous. But would it hurt to try? Itâs not like anyone would know. Plus, youâve doodled your name as âPark Y/Nâ more times than you could count. Secretly, of course.  Compelled and childish, you reach for the pencil on your desk.  You flip to the next clean new page and recall the rules of the Pages.  And you call to mind kind smiles, half moon eyes and a sweet voice. Your pencil loops his name onto the paper.  Park Jimin       L/N Y/N  Itâs done. Your breath hitches.  You blink once. Then twice.  But â nothing happens.  âGod, Iâm such a fucking idiot.â  Youâre not sure what you were expecting, but itâs not like Jiminâs going to fall in love with you simply because you wrote his name down in some stupid book. Thatâs not how love works.  You shut the Love Pages and shove it away before cracking open your algebra textbook with a tired groan.  //  Itâs early morning when youâre trudging along the path to school, rubbing your swollen eyes that youâre sure Jihyo will make fun of you for. But itâs not your fault that you ended up scrolling through your phone instead of tackling the chem assignment and forgetting that it was due today until you were laying in beâ  âY/N?â  Itâs an unfamiliar-familiar voice.  Unfamiliar in the ways that youâre still not used to it. That you havenât heard it directed to you enough times. But familiar in the ways that youâve always listened to it. That your ears always perked when you passed by him in the halls, trying to pick up on the sweet syllables that rolled off his tongue. Youâve always hung off every sentence that he had to say.  Holy fuck.  Park Jimin is looking at you.  âY/N?â  And heâs smiling, tilting his head, eyes tender. Heâs so close and if your mind could actually function, you would realize that heâs just standing there by the school entrance as if he was waiting for you.  âAre you alright?â  âY-Yeah.â The word chokes out of you and you try to shake off your nervousness. You muster a smile as your heart begins to pound into your ears. âS-Sorry.â  âGood morning,â Jimin tweedles with a growing grin.  âMorning.â  You start walking alongside him. âHowâre you?â  âGood. You?â  âIâm good too.â Jiminâs eyes are crinkled and he steals a glance at you at the same time you do. Itâs a moment that has your heart stuttering in your chest. âItâs been a while since weâve talked.â  Youâre caught off guard, unable to believe this is happening. But his presence is more than welcome. In fact, Jimin doesnât know that heâs already making your day.  âY-Yeah, it has been. HowâsâŠ.soccer practice been?â  âReally great actually. We have one more game left. Weâre versing West Side this time.â  âItâs the final match of the season?â  âYup! Weâre all pretty excited. Everyone wants to win but even if we donât, then we come in second place in the entire school district.â  Your steps slow as you get to the front doors, still wanting to savour each second and luckily, he slows as well. Neither of you are eager to move on. âThatâs incredible, Jimin.â  âY/N!â Right as the conversation is simmering down, Jihyo disrupts any awkwardness that might settle. She appears out of nowhere and swings her arm over your shoulder. Your best friend gives you a knowing look and then to Jimin. âHey there, Park.â  âHey.â He smiles politely, then redirects his gaze to you. âIâll see you later, Y/N.â  âY-Yeah. Totally. See you.â You wave, still struck and baffled by the interaction.  Jihyo seems equally surprised as well.  And once Jiminâs gone from sight, she nudges you roughly with a sly smile. âWhat was that all about? Did you finally grow some balls?â  âNo. He was the one who approached me,â you murmur, not sure what to say.  You wonder if this is the Love Pagesâ doing, but thatâs impossible.  It was merely a prank notebook made by someone bored.  //  Itâs hard to focus in class with what happened in the morning. You keep replaying the scene in your head. His soft voice. The look in his eye. How he was standing around and his smile lit when he saw you. Itâs a record, a movie, thatâs played again and again in your mind. Soaking every second you couldnât take in at the time. To some it might simply be mundane small talk, but to you, whoâs always looked at him from afar, the butterflies are still tickling your tummy.  The world has never been so rosy.  Itâs after class that your head is still in the clouds and youâre trying to repress your giddy smile to yourself.  Youâre holding your textbooks to your chest as you pass by the field, making your way home alone with Jihyo at her after-school anime club. She had a small interest in it but it only grew after befriending Namjoon there. As much as she likes to make fun of Jimin for being a nerd, Namjoonâs the real geeky one.  But that only makes your best friend and him all the more endearing. You hope they get together soon.  In the midst of your thoughts, you donât notice the soccer practice going on.  Not until thereâs fast sprinting steps crescendoing to your left.  âY/N!â Thereâs an out of breath shout of your name and you halt with your eyes wide. Jiminâs panting as his team members disperse from the field. He grins. âI thought I saw you!â  Youâre stunned and watch as he wipes the sweat dripping on his forehead with his blue jersey.  You blink hard, mouth full of cotton. Before today, Jimin never approached you when you were by yourself â most certainly never twice in a day.  Youâve never had this much attention from him before.  âI was worried you werenât going to drop by like you usually do!â  âLike...I usually do?â  âYeah.â He steadies his breath with a cheeky smile. âIâve always noticed that you came to practice. Honestly, youâre kind of like my good luck charm. It feels weird if youâre not there.â  Your brain goes blank. You process a single word at a time. And you manage one nod.  âHeyâŠâ Jimin scratches the back of his neck, cheeks blooming with a subtle hue. âDo you want to wait till practice is over? I want to walk you home. If youâd like.â  âS-SureâŠâ  âPark!â his coach shouts and Jimin whirls around with a grin. âBreakâs over!â  âYeah, Iâm coming!â  Park Jiminâs smiling to himself as he runs back onto the field â leaping in the air, wind whisking through his dark strands. In the meanwhile, youâre left rooted to the ground, staring at his backside. Your face is on fire and the butterflies erupt all the way to your throat. Itâs magic.  ââhot dogs down at East roadâŠ.â  âYou cominâ, Park?â Kyungsoo looks at his team member, noticing the quietness of the soccer star.  Jimin smiles before pulling the clean shirt through his head. âNah. I have plans.â  âWith who?â another interjects. âSeulgi?â  âNo, someone else.â  Instantly, obnoxious âoohâs fill the locker room and he rolls his eyes with a growing grin before throwing his duffle bag over his shoulder and shutting his locker. Jimin exits and finds you waiting meters away.  Jimin runs to you. âSorry for you leaving you waiting!â  âItâs okay.â  The walk home is a bit awkward. Youâve never had anyone accompany you other than Jihyo before â most certainly not a boy, and not the person youâve been crushing on for practically four years now.  You clear your throat and steal a glance. âIs there a reason you wanted to walk me home?â  âWhy?â Jimin is immediately alarmed. âDid you not want me to?â  âNo!â Your eyes look into his, equally as rounded. âThatâs not it. Iâm...just not used to it, thatâs all.â  âHonestly.â Your steps are synced together and colour blooms on his cheeks. âI wanted an excuse to talk to you more and get to know you better.â  âOh.â  âI guess you can say I realized the other day that we went to the same elementary, but I donât even know you that well. You can tell me if you donât want toââ  âI want to,â you blurt before you can realize whatâs coming out of your mouth. Jiminâs eyes are as big as saucers and he nods. At the same time, you frantically turn away out of embarrassment, not noticing the way Jimin was smiling to himself.  The comfortable silence simmers between the pair of you as the sun sets over the horizon, painting the sky in a pastel tangerine hue. You can hear children on the playground nearby, see the other sidewalk occupied by a couple pulling along a stroller and the grandma in her front yard pinning up her laundry to dry.  And as you savour the moment, the back of your hand accidentally brushes against Jiminâs.  Itâs soft and you flinch subtly before glancing down.  Jimin must feel it too because he follows your line of sight and clears his throat.  âHey.â His timbre is husky and nervous. âIs it...okay if I hold your hand?â  You answer with a bob of your head.  And Jimin timidly reaches out, fingertips first, and then his palms clutch yours. Your hands are slotted together perfectly and you muse how soft his skin is.  Heat rises to your face. Heart stuttering in your chest. Butterflies a whirlwind in your stomach. But unfortunately, the moment is all too short.  âThis is it.â You stop in front of your house and Jimin lets go of you.  He looks at your home and smiles. âItâs cute.â  âThanks.â You pull open the gate, eyes diverted elsewhere lest he can see how flustered you are. âWell, Iâll see you later, Jimin. Thanks for walking me homeâŠâ  âWait!â he shouts when youâve taken three steps and you spin around to see him scratching the back of his neck. âSorry, um, Y/N. WouldâŠ.would you like to...like to go out sometime to catch a movie or get some food this weekend. I mean you donât have to, no pressure.â  Your mouth is twitching as you try your best not to scream on spot. âIâd like that, Jimin.â  âOkay.â A cheeky grin spreads gradually into his cheeks, eyes crinkled into crescent moons. âI should probably get your number thenâŠ?â  âSure.â  The exchange is quick and then youâre running into your house, stomping all the way up the stairs, ignoring your momâs shout. You launch yourself into bed face first, mattress bouncing at the impact. While your limbs are sprawled out, you scream into your pillow with your furnace hot face.  You roll around in your covers, kicking your blankets.  Jimin just asked you out on a date.  He asked you out on a date and he walked you home. Park Jimin walked you home and talked to you this morning.  Youâre certain your heartâs about to give out with how fast itâs beating, that the butterflies bursting in your tummyâs about to explode up your throat and out of your mouth.  You canât believe it.  You rise up in your bed with your hair in a disarray and your bed ruined, and you look over to your desk where the pastel pink notebook is. You wonder if this is the Love Pagesâ doing.  //  âYouâre going on a date?!â  Your best friend is taken off guard, but when you vehemently nod, her confusion is overcome with excitement. Jihyo engulfs you in a hug. âThis is so fucking exciting! Iâm so excited for you! Oh my god!â She squeals and you laugh, jumping together. âDo you know what youâre going to wear yet?â  âI have no idea.â  âIâll help you.â She grins. âItâs going to be fine, youâre going to sweep him off his feet.â  âEasy for you to say,â you counter, âYour crush already likes you back.â  âNamjoonâs just a friend,â Jihyo sighs and then her peripheral vision catches the tall brunette passing by as if calling his name was enough to summon him. âShush! Heâs coming!â  Except you look him straight in the eye and smile. âHey, Namjoon.â  âHey.â Namjoon snorts as if he overheard the conversation, a smile placed on his features as his eyes linger on Jihyo before he passes by.  She remains nonchalant as if heâs invisible. Or at least until the moment heâs gone and she steps on your foot. âYou were being way too obvious!â  You pout at Jihyo, grabbing her arm. âNo, I wasnât.â  âGo be cute to Jimin instead,â she scoffs while you giggle, hoping heâll find you half as endearing as you know your best friend does.  //  The weekend comes slower than you wish it would, but arrives nonetheless.  Youâre waiting at the station â intercom noisy overhead, the sound of the train breaking echoing from afar. Itâs the bustle of the afternoon, of overtime office workers and other couples shuffling amongst themselves with parents following their children.  You tug on the hem of your dress that Jihyo insisted you wear. Youâre not sure if itâs too much or if you caked on too much makeup, but thereâs no time to overthink.  âY/N!â Jimin meets you, dressed in casual attire of jeans and a white tee underneath a black hoodie. âIâm sorry Iâm late!â  âYou werenât late, Jimin. I just came early.â  âBut how long were you waiting for?â  âNot that long,â you assure and he glances at you before smiling.  âYou look really nice. Like really nice.â  âT-Thanks,â the word stutters out of you and you look around, feeling conscious under his sole attention. âWhere are we heading first?â  âI was thinking of catching a movie, if youâd like.â  âSure.â The both of you start moving towards the exit. At the same time, the intercom announces the arrival of the Northbound train. It pulls up on the other side and the doors whir open a beat later, flooding the platform with passengers exiting and pushing to enter.  In the chaos, your shoulder is roughly shoved and youâre pushed aside by the rushing mass. You wince and open your eyes to discover youâre losing sight of the boy with dark strands.  But the second hopelessness begins to settleâ  âAre you okay?â  Jiminâs hand has clasped yours and heâs pulled you out from the crowd. You stumble in a place where you can breathe again. Jimin smiles sweetly and youâre not sure if heâs an angel or not.  âI thought I lost you,â you admit in an exhale.  âDonât worry, I would never let you out of my sight.â His grip is firm and secure. Jimin squeezes tenderly and leads you out the exit again â this time with you in hand.  You feel your palm getting warm. âSorry, my handâs a bit sweaty.â  âI donât mind.â  Your heart catches in your throat.  You hope this lasts forever.  The pair of you end up catching a romance movie in a cute, local theater called When Spring Meets Autumn. But towards the end, youâre not sure what itâs about. Not when all you can think about is the fact that Jiminâs beside you, how heâs leaning your way, your elbows are brushing. The way his arm ends up draping over the back of your seat.  All you can do is steal glances at him.  Your eye eventually catches his and your attempt of pretending you werenât staring is futile.  You feel Jimin lean even closer, noticing a soft smile playing on his lips. âIs there something wrong?â he whispers.  You shake your head. Itâs the opposite. This is a dream come true.  âIâm usually more into action than romance,â he says as the both of you walk alongside one another over the bridge. âI canât believe that actress died ten minutes into the movie though.â  âOh yeah.â You laugh awkwardly, not able to recall. Your eyes travel towards the cityscape and then the lake that you were crossing. Your ears perk at the giggles of couples in pedal boats, blue boats theyâre using to cross the waters together. Envy stems in your mind. They sure were taking advantage of the warm weather.  Jimin notices your fixation. âHave you ever been?â  You shake your head. âIâve always wanted to go in it with my family, but I never got the chance.â  âWe could do it now.â  Your eyes meet his. âRight now?â  âWhy not?â He grins boyishly, already taking your hand again.  Itâs ten dollars for ten minutes and you split the cost in half, in spite of how much he insists on paying for the ride. The boat wobbles as you get in, but Jimin holds your hand and guides you, laughing while the instructor asks if you want a life jacket for the second time and shows the rules nailed onto the wooden board.  The two of you get settled in and start pedaling with your feet.  But you donât get anywhere and bump into the dock instead.  âThe left person paddles!â The instructor yells and Jiminâs wide-eyed before he nods and follows.  âThis is actually my first time too,â he admits shyly as you finally get into the lake. âI wanted to look cool.â  Laughter unabashedly bubbles out of your throat. âItâs okay, Jimin. Youâre very cool to me.â  âNow youâre just trying to make me feel better.â  âNo!â You retort in the midst of giggles. âIâm being honest!â  You both paddle to the middle of the lake and itâs a lot more work than you expected. Youâre sure you donât look flattering in your dress pedaling a boat but thereâs no time to dwell when youâre having this much fun.  At least not until you feel your toes getting wet.  âOh my god!â You flinch. âThereâs a hole in the boat!â  Water leaks up to your ankles and itâs only getting faster. âPaddle to shore!â Jimin shouts in the midst of laughing. You giggle and as if to make matters worse, the rolling clouds over the horizon begin pouring rain. It spits and then starts showering on top of your heads.  Youâre becoming soaked from both ways, but rather than being upset, youâre laughing and giggling hysterically with one another.  Jimin helps you up onto the harbour and holds your hand as you run away to get some cover. You find some under a closed store canopy on a nearby quiet street. The pair of you face the road, unable to see far with the thick, heavy rain morphing the city to monochrome.  Warm giggles fill the spaces beside you. âIâm going to be honest, I imagined the first date with you would be a lot better than this.â  You meet Jiminâs eye and take the chance to tease him. âYou imagined it?â  But he doesnât make a snarky comeback. Jimin is genuine as he is shy. âYeah. I have. I like you a lot, Y/N. I think...I have for a long time. I just didnât realize it.â  Itâs silent â the peaceful kind of quiet that lingers. As cold as the rain is, your face warms. But you wonder if this is how Jimin really feels or if itâs the Love Pagesâ doing.  Your trance is shattered by an embarrassed laugh.  âYou shouldnât leave a guy waiting after they confessed, you know.â Jimin tilts his head, eyes tender and smile kind. âIt makes it feel like youâre about to reject me.â  Reject him?!  âIâve liked you since eighth grade,â you blurt loudly, the honesties pouring out of your mouth. Theyâre words you never thought you would have the chance to say. A confession youâve always held in your throat. Secrets you held so close to you and were too cowardice to speak.  But the compassionate Jimin youâre facing makes you brave.  He grins, a growing smile that spreads into his cheeks and makes his eyes gleam. âReally?â  âI have ever since you helped me in that group project.â  âI did?â His brows furrow. âI canât really recall.â  Itâs disheartening to hear considering that the memory is significant to you, but you elaborate as if you could jog his mind. âScience class with Mr. Chen. No one was listening and I was really stressed, but you helped me.â  The recognition never seems to set in his eyes, but instead, they flicker down to your lips. âCan I kiss you?â  You nod furiously and Jimin smiles before he leans in with heavy lidded eyes. His fingers lift to hold your chin and your eyes flutter shut. Soft lips meet yours.  Itâs a sweet kiss, a brief and chaste one. Your very first. And your heart feels like itâs about to burst. You can practically hear Jiminâs thundering heartbeat underneath the thumping rain.  //  The giddiness lasts an hour later. You canât resist the enormous grin on your face even when you slap your own cheeks and tell yourself to calm down. Itâs still cloudy outside when you get home, the rain subsided into scattering droplets, yet you feel warm inside.  âIâm homââ  The announcement is cut short when you stumble on a pair of shoes. You catch yourself and look down to find odd brown loafers that donât belong to your mom, dad or you.  Thereâs only one other person.  âHobi?!â  As if the day couldnât get any better.  You sprint into the living room to find your older brother sitting on the couch and he turns around with a small smile. âIf it isnât my baby sister.â  âWhat are you doing here?â Itâs not like him to visit unannounced, but as you step forward into the evening light, you discover his reddened eyes and the swollen area underneath is as if heâs been crying. Colour instantly drains from your face and your expression falls. âIs...there something wrong?â  Your pupils stray to the suitcase beside him.  Hoseok musters another smile. âSurprise. Iâm moving back.â  âW-Whereâs Irene?â  âSheâs not coming.â His voice is hoarse. âItâsâŠ..over. Weâre getting a divorce.â  What?  //  Life â he told you is what happened. Careers got busy. Staying together turned out to be more of a chore than expected. And it seemed like there were more arguments than there were proper conversations.  Hoseok followed it up with a hard swallow and nonchalantly told you that sometimes things just donât work out. But by the look on his face, you know he was holding back tears.  Youâve never seen your brother cry before.  âWhat do you mean?!â  âWhat happened? Did she kick you out? For how long?! Where are you planning to go now?!â  Your parents are in hysterics, exasperated and stunned by the situation. Your dad is tense in the armchair while your mother is pacing the floor. You watch the three of them through the gap of your bedroom door, not sure if you should intrude or what you would even say.  âThis doesnât make any sense! The two of you were fine last week!â  âWe werenât, mom,â Hoseok assures in a weak voice with his downcast head.  âHave you spoken to her yet?! Did the pair of you sit down and talk properly?â  Your older brother releases a staggering exhale from his lungs. âWe have,â his voice cracks, âenough times. And...itâs...itâs over between us.â  This isnât right. This shouldnât be happening.  Your mother cries, âHoseok, are you giving up?! You canât just give up! This is your marriage that weâre talking about. This is serious!â  âThis isnât just up for me to decide!â Hoseok retorts in a shout, finally lifting his face. âI canât do anything about it when she doesnât want to talk to me anymore!â  You shut the door quietly, pressing your back against the surface. Youâre as shocked as your parents are â maybe even more so. You were the one who saw it first hand. Youâre the one who tagged along when they went to play, when Irene knocked on the door every morning to go to school together, youâre the one who sat in the backseat as they took a road trip down to the beach six summers ago.  The two of them grew up together in this neighbourhood. Theyâre soulmates.  And you know that best.  Your dadâs voice is muffled through the walls. ââhappened exactly?â  ââdoesnât love me anymoreâŠâŠ..wanted a break weeks ago.â  Hoseokâs eagerness, Ireneâs calmness. Their sense of humour, their ambitions in life â it all aligns like puzzle pieces meant to fit. And youâre not the only one who thinks so. Everyone who has eyes and ears wouldâve thought that their relationship would be inevitable.  Theyâre soulmates â better together than apart â and you could bet your entire existence on that fact.  You march across the stretch of your room and sit yourself down in the chair. Swiftly and silently, you pull open the last drawer of your desk and grab the pastel pink notebook.  Pushing your chemistry textbook, candle and lighter aside, you flip open the pages.  Kang Irene      L/N Hoseok L/N Hoseok     Kang Irene  The names are written without needing to blink twice, straight lines and big print. Twice to make sure that both sides are the same, that affections will be reciprocated. But you know itâs childish.  You can only hope it works.  //  Dinner is stiff. Little bites are taken, each person nibbling on the food. No words are exchanged across the table when the tension is so thick. Neither your mom or your dad speaks another word about the issue with the way Hoseokâs brooding. Thereâs no point in making futile commentary, in adding gasoline to the fire after all, so you donât press on the matter either.  But ten minutes into dinner, the silence is interrupted by the doorbell.  It echoes throughout the home and heads lift, eyes looking at one another.  Hoseok is the first who moves. As if he has a sixth sense or a foolish wish of who it could be.  Who he hopes it is.  And as you and your parents follow after him while he opens the door, that wish is granted.  Irene stands at the doorstep in a cream coat and leggings, bag thrown over her shoulder. Sheâs out of breath as if she rushed over, yet the pair of them donât speak. They gaze at one another quietly. Hoseok grips the doorknob, eyes pinned on his wife as she looks back into his brown irises warmed by the dim light of the foyer. Their eyes are tender, expressions pained.  âC-Can I come in?â she asks in an exhale.  Hoseok nods fervently.  As much as your parents would like to listen in to the conversation, they both give Hoseok and Irene a private moment. One you observe through the crack of your door.  Thereâs an exchange of sighs and muffled apologies.  And when your brother finally asks what sheâs doing here, Irene responds in a beat. âI still love you.â  âW-What? But just a few hours ago...youâŠ.you saidâŠ.we were done. This is so sudden.â  âI know.â With her downcast head, tears trickle down her cheeks. âI know that. But I regretted it the second you were gone, Hoseok. Iâm sorry. I...Iâm sorry. Iâm sorry for everythinââ  Hoseok pulls her in close, cradling her face against his shoulder as he embraces her. âYou have nothing to be sorry for. I love you too.â  The corner of your mouth tugs and you look away when they kiss. Theyâre surmounting the bittersweet moment together, leaving behind the point where they were so close to abandoning their relationship.  Your parents emerge with you lingering behind and youâre relieved as they are.  âIâm sorry.â Irene dips her head.  Your father glances at your mother and then smiles. âDonât worry about it, dear. Couples fight all the time. Itâs only natural when youâre living together.â  âDoes this mean youâre not staying over?â You intrude, quirking your head at your brother who smirks. âI thought we were gonna have a massive sleepover.â  Your mom nudges you. âLet him leave with Irene. They should spend time together.â  Hoseok laughs. âMaybe next time, squirt. Iâll make sure to come home next week and visit. This time, properly.â He gazes at his wife who nods.  The two of them leave hand in hand, closer than they were before.  It's the perfect outcome. All you could have hoped for. What you know is meant to be.  But it isnât a mere coincidence that Irene came here, that they made up with one another.  You know it in your bones â the Love Pages works and itâs your saviour.
âYou look like youâre in a good mood,â Jihyo notes with a brow raised and you snap back to attention, realizing that youâve been humming and smiling to yourself.  âI guess I just have a lot to be happy about,â you sing-song and your best friend scoffs lighty with a tiny smile of her own.  âYeah, cause youâre dating Park Jimin and even wearing his sweater. Lifeâs good, isnât it?â  You look down to the navy material thatâs soft to the touch, sleeves draped past your fingers. He gave it to you after noticing that you were cold one evening and said you could keep it. Youâre happy to wear it too since it carries his comforting scent and makes it clear what your relationship with him is.  You smile, unable to retort Jihyoâs snarky yet playful tone.  And she notices your love-struck state, rolling her eyes before sheâs interrupted by a gawky brunette whose height towers over her sitting form. âJihyo, you said you had the homework answers?â  She looks up and deadpans, âI never said I would give them to you, Namjoon.â  Youâre stunned at how your best friend can be so cold to her crush, but you know itâs just a front to keep herself from being flustered and out of control.  Namjoon seems to know as well since he grins. âI thought we could compare.â  âFine.â She exhales, acting like itâs all a chore when youâre certain sheâs ecstatic. Jihyo brushes a strand of her dark hair behind her ear and smooths out her skirt as she stands. âLetâs see what you have, Joon.â  You watch them stride across the classroom to his desk, eyes tracing their backsides. And then youâre reaching down to your backpack for the pastel pink notebook. Youâre not sure when you started bringing it around with you, but the Love Pages have become your good luck charm. You feel naked without it in your possession.  No one notices when you push aside your biology textbook. When you flip it open. When you take your pencil and begin scribbling names inside.  Kim Namjoon    Park Jihyo  Thereâs a reason this notebook fell into your lap and youâre not going to let it go to waste. Out of everyone you know, Jihyo deserves her feelings to be reciprocated. And youâll play cupid if thatâs what it takes.  Swiftly, the notebook is closed and you slide it back into your backpack.  A beat later, your best friend is returning and colour is drained from her face. She plops down in her desk chair, the seat in front of yours.  âJihyo?â She looks like sheâs seen a ghost and youâre alarmed, wondering if something went wrong. âWhat happened?â  âNamjoon...heâŠ.heâŠ.â She blinks hard. âHe just asked me outâŠ?â  âWhat?â Your head whips across the classroom where said boy is smiling at your friend. You didnât know the effects of the Pages are so instantaneous. âWhen? Right now?â  She nods after a delayed second and a smile spreads into your face. You try to keep your squeals down before it collects the attention of the rest of the class. âOh my god, Jihyo! Iâm so happy for you!â  Her brows furrow. âI donât get itâŠ.it came out of nowhereâŠ.â  âDoes it matter?â You grab your best friendâs hands. âYouâre going on a date with Kim Namjoon!â  âI am. I...am!â Your best friend finally looks you in the eye, giddy at the idea. âI need to go shopping!â  //  ââand then she came back and told me that he asked her out!â Youâre smiling from ear to ear, twirling around to face Jimin as he watches you with a smile. You donât think itâs possible that you could be any happier than this. Not only do you have Jimin by your side, but youâve granted both your brother and your best friend their wishes. âTheyâre going to catch a movie this weekend, I think.â  âYouâre so excited,â he laughs. âSounds like youâre the one going on the date.â  âJihyoâs liked Namjoon for so long. Iâm just happy for her.â  âYou spend a lot of time with Jihyo, huh?â Jimin comments as you come to a stop at the light, waiting for the pedestrian signal to come on.  âSheâs my only friend,â you admit with a small smile, reminiscing over the years. Your steps sync with Jiminâs again. âMy best friend. Weâve been through thick and thin.â  âIâm jealous,â your boyfriend squeezes your hand, eyes glimmering. âI want you all to myself.â  You lightly scoff at his flirtation and his smile only widens until you let go of your interlaced hands to open the mailbox in front of your house. But unfortunately, thereâs nothing inside. No acceptance or even rejection letters from any colleges or universities like you were anticipating.  Thereâre no bills or advertisement pamphlets either which probably means your dadâs home from work and beaten you to the punch.  âWell, Iâll call you later then, Jimiââ  âCan I come in?â he asks, eyes twinkling with hope. Youâre taken aback and glance over your shoulder, not sure if introducing your boyfriend to your parents so soon is a good idea. While you know they try their hardest, your parents can be extremely overbearing. They tend to bombard anyone you talk to with a million questions, yet somehow, theyâre still out of touch with your life.  Your relationship with your parents isnât spectacular to say the least. But when Jimin takes a step forward with confidence, you have a feeling that theyâll like him as much as you do.  After all, who doesnât like Jimin?  And youâre not wrong.  âHello. Nice to meet you.â He dips his head in greeting, tone respectful as he stands in the foyer of your home. Your momâs brows are raised to her hairline while your dad is seemingly sizing him up. âMy name is Park Jimin. Iâm Y/Nâs classmate.â  âActually, heâs my boyfriend,â you clarify, deciding to be straightforward with it and your parents exchange expressions.  But within minutes, you know theyâve fallen for him too.  âOh dear, youâre on the soccer team as well?â  Jimin nods. âIâve been playing since elementary, but Iâm not that great at it.â  âThatâs a blatant lie,â you object while sticking your head from the kitchen into the living room where theyâre seated. âJiminâs the star of the soccer team.â  âThatâs very remarkable,â your father notes with stars practically in his eyes. You have to hold back laughter just watching them. âHow do you manage to be so studious, keep up such great grades, maintain a social life and play sports at the same time?â  âIâm not as impressive as it sounds,â Jimin laughs shyly, scratching the back of his neck. âI just do a little every day. I think having supportive parents help a lot and having Y/N around does too. Sheâs always supported me, even before we got together, so I owe her a lot.â  Their smiles are bright, bodies relieved and you match Jiminâs soft smile. Any nervousness of having Jimin meet your family vanishes like it never even existed. And for a moment, you imprint the scene in front of you in the forefront of your brain. You wonder if your future will someday look like this â Jimin sitting across from your parents in your family home.  âWould you like to stay for dinner, Jimin?â your mother asks and he enthusiastically nods.  //  Life is perfect.  âYouâll come to my game, right?â  âOf course, I will!â  The days and weeks are flying by fast, and youâre getting closer and closer to graduation. Itâs hectic but a busyness that isnât tiring â not when youâre enjoying every moment of it.  âAnd the winner of the final soccer match of this season goes to Daykey High!â  Cheers erupt from the stands and as you shoot up with your own hollers, Jimin whips his body around after being dogpiled on by his teammates and grins. He races up the stands when he gets a chance, engulfs you in his embrace and gives you a sweaty kiss full of vigour that has you smiling.  Months ago, you wouldâve never known your last months of high school would be spent so perfectly. It feels like a dream come true, like your biggest desires have been granted.  âJimin!â  âWhat?â  âAre you going to come, dude? Weâve missed you at like five hangouts so far. Câmon, this oneâs gonna be the last one, you have to come.â  âNah.â He grabs his duffle bag. âSorry, guys. I'll probably have to back out of this one too. Canât leave my girlfriend waiting.â  âWhatâs going on, Chim?â The soccer captain steps forward with his brows furrowed. âThis isnât like you.â  âWhat do you mean?â Jimin laughs. âNothingâs going on.â  Another snorts and slings an arm over his shoulder. âYou got it bad for your girl, donât you?â  Jiminâs sheepish when he admits it. âSheâs the only one for me.â  Sometimes youâre frightened that youâll wake up one morning and find that everything youâve been living through was really just a dream. But time and time again, you open your eyes to see the pastel pink notebook on your desk. And itâs a reminder that itâs what brought you all this joy.  The Love Pages made this possible.  âH-Hey, Jimin.â Seulgi lingers outside the locker room, struggling to meet his eye as she teeters from side to side. âCongratulations on winning.â  âThanks! It was a tough game, but Iâm glad we pulled through.â  âYeah...well..umâŠIâ.â  âIâll see you around?â Jimin smiles and Seulgi nods after a delayed second. They exchange small smiles full of distant politeness, but as Jimin turns to catch up to you, his expression grows genuine.  You hope this lasts forever.  //  âHey, JihyoâŠ.â  âWhat.â  âHow are your eyes so beautiful?â Namjoon mutters and the girl busy with her paper turns her head to glare at him. The corner of his mouth curls and he hums, âI wonder how Iâll go on without you. I might miss you to death.â  She scoffs, unwavered by the greasy lines. âGet your ass to class before youâre late.â  Namjoon grins and as he gets up, grabbing his bag with him, he makes sure to plant a surprise kiss to the top of her head. The gawky boy laughs at his partnerâs scandalized expression and takes his leave.  In the meanwhile, the smile itching up your features finally reveals itself and you march across the library floor to plop down into the seat that Namjoon had occupied. âYou two lovebirds really need a room.â  Jihyo makes a noise of acknowledgment at the back of her throat.  âHow did the fourth date go?â  âWhat? Oh yeah. It was fine.â Her response is short and you chalk it up to her merely concentrating on finishing her assignment, but after a minute, Jihyo lifts her chin and looks at you. âHey, Y/N.â  âWhat?â  âDo you think Namjoonâs off somehow?â  âWhat do you mean?â  âI know him.â Jihyo pauses. âNamjoon would rather die than say something as cheesy as he just did.â  You loll your head to one side and shrug. âI donât know. Love changes people, Jihyo. You should stop overthinking it and just let yourself be loved.â  She blinks and hums, returning back to her work.  //  The library is becoming quieter and quieter as summer arrives. Jihyo doesnât blame everyone for preferring to spend their remaining days outside with their friends than hanging out in a place surrounded by bookshelves and studying for exams. But if anything, it makes her job easier.  There are fewer books to shelve, fewer people to attend to and less to clean up.  With only a student here or there, sheâs able to savour the last shifts of library duty left.  âJoon.â  âHmmm?â  Not to mention, no one really bats a lash with her boyfriend hanging around beside her.  Ever since they started dating officially, Namjoonâs been glued to her side. But Jihyo doesnât mind. The company and conversations are welcome. Even the librarian finds him endearing.  âWhen did you become interested in me?â  Namjoon is seemingly perplexed by the question and their eyes meet as they stand between the thin aisle between two looming bookcases. âI donât know. One moment, everything was fine and then the next, I started feeling this way.â  Jihyoâs frowns. âSuddenly?â  âIt was a bit weird for me too, but then I realized I couldnât stop thinking about you. It...hit me and it was intense, so I asked you out.â His smile softens, dimples creased into each side of his cheek. âWhy?â  Jihyo sighs and shakes her head. âNo reason. It just seemed like you never liked me like that before or at least you never hinted at it.â  âThatâs true. I saw you as just a friend for the longest time.â Namjoon leans in, his smile sweet towards his girlfriend. âIs that such a bad thing?â  Jihyo scoffs lightly but then shakes her head with a tiny smile.  Maybe youâre right. Maybe she is overthinking it.  âI just have to get used to it.â  Itâs that same afternoon that Jihyo walks home by herself â Namjoon busy with his other clubs and unable to accompany her. She doesnât mind much, actually finding solace in her alone time.  But Jihyoâs mind wanders and she realizes itâs been a long time since sheâs hung out with you outside of class or library duty. Jiminâs monopolized you these days and as happy as she is to watch you giddy, she misses her best friend.  4:38 pm. Jihyo: wanna go out for ice cream or something  4:39 pm. Y/N: hell yeah!!! :D 4:39 pm. Y/N: omw home 4:39 pm. Y/N: wanna meet up there?  Jihyo smiles to herself and turns down the familiar street to your house.  The schoolâs boundary lines are narrow, so most of the students live in the same small neighbourhood. And considering that Jihyoâs been your friend since grade six, sheâs no stranger to your house, the white mailbox, the gate, and the small yard that the pair of you used to play on.  Theyâre all nostalgic memories to her.  âAbout time!â she calls out when she sees you.  You laugh, quickening your strides. âIt only took me five minutes!â  âOn another date with Jimin?â  Jihyo follows after you, through the door and up the stairs to your room. Itâs quiet which only means your momâs running errands and your dadâs not home from work yet.  âWe just went to a bookstore and grabbed food.â  She laughs and drops her backpack by your bed. âCan you eat ice-cream then?â  âDonât you know thereâs always room for dessert?â You grin while patting your stomach. âSpeaking of which, I need to take a leak before we leave. Be right back.â  She snorts and pulls out her phone to check her usual apps. But thereâs nothing much to see aside from the string of heart emojis that Namjoon sends for no reason. She rolls her eyes, but smiles to herself.  Namjoonâs an idiot. But he should be lucky heâs a cute one.  Jihyo boredly wanders to your desk, eyes falling upon the shell pink container. She holds the candle up, glad that you actually liked the birthday present enough to burn half of it. Then she sets it down and picks up the lighter, rolling the wheel and observing the flame that sparks.  She puts it down, looks over the polaroids you have strung on the wall, and then her eyes stray to a crime novel you have pushed on the side of your desk.  Jihyo smiles to herself in amusement. She didnât know you picked up reading recently.  Curious, she flips it over to read the synopsis of the book, but then something underneath catches her eye.  A baby pink notebook.  The Love Pages.  Her brows furrow and she discards the crime novel to the side in favour of the magnetizing pull coming from the notebook. Sheâs curious. Her intuition forces her to look.  Jihyo turns the notebook over, and she becomes more and more bewildered as she reads the rules. As she reads the warning. Then, she flips it open. At the same time you return.  âJ-Jihyo?â  Youâre frozen at the door.  âY/N. What is this?â  âNothing.â  You damn yourself for not putting the notebook in the drawer, for not bringing it with you like you so often do. You forgot about taking it with you this morning when you were in a rush to get ready and now youâre paying the price for your mistake.  You take two wide strides across the floor to snatchâ  But Jihyoâs grip remains firm.  She doesnât let you rip the notebook from her hands. Her tight hold crinkles the corners of the pages.  âY/N.â Jihyoâs eyes meet yours. Cold. Firm. âWhat is this?â  You release your sigh and your arm comes to your side. âRemember when we were cleaning out the storage room of the library two months ago? I found it there and it works. I know itâs hard to believe, but it works, Jihyo.â  It takes a second for the words to sink in.  But then it hits Jihyo like a freight train, slamming into her form, smashing into her brain. She doesnât want to believe it â not when itâs so outrageous and outlandish â but it all clicks.  Everything finally makes sense.  âIs thisâŠ.how you got Namjoon to go out with me?â Her pupils trace his name on the lined paper and then the straight lines of her own name. Jihyo looks up at you, colour drained from her face. She whispers as if someone could overhear, âIs this how you got Jimin to go out with you?â  âI wrote it as a joke first.â Your voice is pitched as you frantically explain, âbut then Jimin started to pay attention to me and the next day, he even asked me out! I...I didnât think it worked but then Hoseok came home and he was about to get divorced, Jihyo. It was really bad. But I wrote their names in and theyâre fine now. See? It works and itâs a good thing!â  She shakes her head slowly, connecting the dots.  âYou wrote my name in it...and you didnât even ask me.â  âI know and Iâm sorry.â Your palms are clammy. Youâre not sure why sheâs so upset with you, why sheâs giving you such a horrified look as if you did something so wrong. âBut I didnât know if you would believe me and since it worked, I thought...why not.â  âWhy not?! You didnât ask for my consent! I didnât want this! I canât believe you did this, Y/N!â  âWhat do you mean you didnât want this?â Itâs your turn to be upset â if anything, you did Jihyo a favour. You were looking out for her as her friend. âYou liked Namjoon for the longest time! I did this for you!â  âThis isnât what I wanted!â Jihyoâs voice is shrill and you flinch. âThis is so wrong, Y/N. This is so fucked.â  âHow? We got what we wanted, didnât we?!â  âBut have you ever thought about the other side?! Have you ever thought about them?â she asks, coming face to face with you. âYouâve made everything artificial! Why would you go against their will and control them like this?â  âItâs not against their will!â  âIt is!â Jihyo screams, voice straining in her throat. âNamjoon only saw me as a friend and nothing more, and Jimin didnât even know you!â  Her words reverberate in your ears.  Jimin didnât even know you.  Your fist curls as you tremble. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as tears threaten at your lash line. You canât believe she just said that, that she can be so ungrateful. She doesnât get it. And you thought out of anyone, Jihyo would be the one who would understand you most.  âHow do you get rid of it?â she demands, thrusting the notebook to your face. âHow?!â  âYouâŠ.have to erase the names.â  âThen fucking do it!â  âFine! Move!â You push her aside and press the book to your desk, grabbing the pencil that nearly rolls off.  You take the eraser end and rub her name and Namjoonâs from the paper. Fine. If she wants you to erase it, youâll erase it. But you know sheâll come running back to you to write it in again.  You scrub the names hard enough that the shiny surface of the paper dulls. Hard enough that the pink eraser bits fill the page. That your hand physically hurts.  You show her when youâre done.  âThere. Happy?â  âErase Jiminâs name.â  âWhat?â By sheer instincts, you pull back and press the notebook to you. âNo.â  âY/N. This is crazy. This is so wrong. Youâre violating your morals forââ  âI have no morals,â you cut her off. She can yell at you, shame you, make you erase what you did for her. But you draw the line here. âDonât you realize, Jihyo? You said it yourself. Jimin never looked twice at me. And I know he wouldâve never asked me out. He wouldâve never gone on that date, he wouldâve never made me his girlfriend. He wouldâve never told me he loves me.â  âY/Nââ  âIâve never been loved or looked at like this before.â You swallow hard, eyes stinging, the lump in your throat makes it hard to talk. Most of all, your heart aches. âFor the first time in my life, Iâve actually had someone like me back. For the first time in my life, Iâve had someone love me like that. Without this notebook, it wouldâve been impossible.â  âBut you canât force himââ  âIâm not forcing him to do anything!â Blood curdles at the back of your throat. You wish someone else was in the house, then they could rush upstairs and take Jihyo away from you. Away from threatening your happiness. âThatâs not how the Love Pages works!â  She steps forward, arm extending. âThen if thatâs true, erase his name.â  You flinch away from her. âI will never erase Jiminâs name!â  âY/N!â â âLeave me alone!â  You try to push past her, but Jihyo grabs the notebook.  Your attempt to rip it from her grip and shove her away is ultimately futile. Jihyoâs grabbed hold of the edge and sheâs not letting go. In your desperation, you catch a fistful of her hair and she stomps on your foot, shouting âbitch!â at you. You cry aloud, wonder why itâs so hard for you to be happy.  You love him.  Your hands are slipping, but you untangle your fingers from Jihyoâs head and manage to seize the cover with your right hand. The notebook flips open, papers dangling downwards between your struggle.  Jihyo screams for you to let go, that this is crazy, but you ignore her. She knows nothing.  You love Jimin. And all you want is for him to love you back.  The pair of you yank back and forth. When it looks like youâre about to win, Jihyo snags a page near the back. And it rips as you snatch it towards you.  The paper tears.  You both stumble to the ground from the force of your grasps.  Your own hand slams into your mouth, bruising your lip. Jihyo across from you has her hair in a disarray and youâre horrified to find her holding her eye. She cusses again, tone venomous.  The notebook falls beside you, the empty white page fluttering in between.  Itâs silent as you two hyperventilate. Then Jihyo stands. She brushes past you, roughly grabbing her bag.  âSuit yourself. But donât get me involved anymore. I want no part of this.â  The girl stomps out and you donât look behind you. You donât race after her, tell her to wait, explain that thereâs a misunderstanding. Because there isnât. You already said your piece.  You allow the slamming of the front door to echo. But you do get up to watch her from the window. She acts like this is your fault, that you did something so horrible to her when what you did for her was a miracle.  Sheâs the ungrateful bitch. Self-righteous in the dumbest ways. And you hope she never comes back.  //  Even when your anger has subsided, you know there are certain things that canât be forgiven.  Jihyo ignores you when you glance in her direction, when you move past her, when you stand in front of her. At school and lunch, she hangs out with the other girls, never once sparing you a look or the friendly smile she gives to her new friends. And itâs a change that others notice.  âIs everything okay?â your classmate asks curiously. âDid you and Jihyo have a fight or something?â  Your bruised lip and the skin around her eye blossomed blue speaks for itself.  âSomething like that.â You muster a smile. âBut Iâm fine.â  âOh. Well, make up soon then.â  But you highly doubt thatâll happen.  If she wants to be a bitch, then you can be one too. You can ignore her. You can pretend she doesnât existâŠ..  But unlike Jihyo, itâs always been harder for you to be cold. Not when youâve spent so many years and made countless memories together. So youâre unable to resist when Namjoon comes by during the last shift of your library duty â one that you know sheâs arranged to be absent at.  âDo you know where she is?â  Yet, the tall brunette merely shakes his head. âSorry, I donât. Jihyo...actually broke up with me yesterday, soâŠ.yeahâŠ.â  âOh. Iâm...Iâm sorry to hear that, Namjoon.â  He smiles. âItâs okay. It was pretty mutual.â  You watch him leave, not batting a single lash, without a single trace of heartbreak on his features and then you divert your vision. You know things will never be the same for them again.  Jihyo and Namjoon might never become as friendly as they were prior to their relationship. But you also know sheâs wrong. You never forced Jimin to do anything. You didnât force him to have feelings for you. Thatâs not how the Love Pages worksâ  âBOO!â  A hand comes down on your shoulder and a scream tears out of your throat as you spin around. You nearly fall on the ground from startlement, but Jimin latches onto your wrist, stabilizing you.  âY-You almost scared me to death!â  âSorry, sorry.â Your boyfriend laughs. âI didnât know you would be so scared.â  âDonât do that again,â you scold, heart rate steadying. âHow long were you even following me for?â  âNot that long. You seemed a bit off. I had to make sure you got home safe and didnât talk to anyone else.â Jimin syncs his steps into yours, familiar with the route you take home after accompanying you so many times. But as silence simmers between the pair of you, he takes notice. Jimin slips his hand into yours, slowing down. âY/N. Whatâs wrong?â  You shake your head, words caught in your throat. You donât know what to say, where to start, what you can tell him. How heâd even react. And itâs all too overwhelming for you to bear.  Against your will, you burst into tears.  The tsunami of emotions â anger, sorrow, regret â they clog your chest and shed in the form of teardrops. It hangs on your lashes, drips down your cheeks, clouds your vision. And the only comfort you receive is when Jimin reaches out, guiding your head to his shoulder.  âJ-JihyoâŠ.sheâŠ.she hates meâŠâ  You hang onto him, tight fists clutching onto Jiminâs jacket.  You were scared â scared when your only friend turned their back against you and found others to replace you so quickly, frightened when you realized just how isolated you are, petrified when you had a taste of what itâs like to walk the halls alone, to eat alone, to sit alone. To be alone. To be abandoned.  If Jimin leaves too, youâll truly have no one.  âItâs okay,â he hums, locking you in a secure embrace. âYou donât need anyone but me.â  Jimin consoles you without needing to be asked. He soothes you and says the things youâve yearned to hear since yesterday. You return his hug, quieting your sobs and strengthening your resolve.  You canât give him up.  //  Youâre not sure why it took you so long to realize what is and isnât important. In a blink of an eye, the entire world seems to have shifted. The things â people â you treasured can so easily throw you away and all this time, you didnât know. Youâve been played. Time wasted.  âY/N, are you home?â your mom calls from the kitchen as the front door shuts and she stumbles out with a frown. âYouâre later than usual today. Were you with someone? Jihyo?â  âI was with Jimin,â you sigh, kicking off your shoes.  âWhere did you go?â  âNowhere. We just talked.â  âAbout what?â  âNothing! God, can you stop asking me questions?!â You stomp up the stairs.  Your mother exhales in frustration and calls after you, âWell get yourself looking nice! Your brother and Irene are coming over for dinner tonight! Are you listening to me?! Donât ignore me, Y/N!â  But you do ignore her as you zip to your room and shut the door.  Finally, youâre able to get a moment of peace and quiet, and once it settles, you take two large strides across your room. You swiftly slip the Love Pages out of your backpack and into the bottom drawer of your desk. Without blinking, you grab the half-burnt pink candle and dump it into the bin.  I canât believe you did this, Y/N!  Your bottom lip trembles but your determination hardens as you begin tearing off the strung polaroids on your wall. Youâre suffocated just looking at them.  Bitch!  Your sixteenth birthday spent with Jihyo â sleepovers in seventh grade â summers spent at summer camp. You rip the photographs all off and they follow the candle in the trash.  Suit yourself. But donât get me involved anymore. I want no part of this.  An unpleasant feeling sits at the pit of your stomach and you flop down onto your bed. You shut your eyes before being plagued by the moment she turns her back, how she passes by the hall, giggling with other classmates. Theyâre moments played over and over until you feel nauseous.  âItâs fine,â you mutter to yourself and repeat, âItâs fine.â  Youâre graduating soon. You can finally get away from here. You can move far away, to a university out of the city.  You open your eyes to stare at the ceiling, tears stinging. And you inhale a staggering breath.  Soon. You can go with Jimin and the two of you can vanish together. Youâll never have to think about your lost best friend or what you did. You can leave the Love Pages behind.
Itâs a permanent turning point.  Your friendship with Jihyo never mends or is even a topic of conversation. Sometimes, you can feel her looking at you from the corner of her eye as if sheâs judging you for the secret she knows. One sheâs aware no one would believe her for, but that you both know what you did.  You donât speak to each other, merely passing by in the same spaces and no one asks. After all, friends drift apart all the time. Everyone merely finds a new normal and so do you.  Jimin becomes your new best friend.  Sometimes, you eat lunch with his friends. Sometimes, itâs solely with him. The two of you continue going on dates and when youâre not, itâs conversations through text or shy talks on the phone.  And sometimesâ  âCâmon, no oneâs home.â  âYeah, but what if your mom returns and finds me in her sonâs bedroom? That would be a bad look.â  He laughs. âI promise she wonât. And even if she did, sheâd still love you.â  âI donât know about that, Jimin.â  âIâll still love you and thatâs whatâs important, right?â  Jimin pulls you into his cozy house and before you know it, your back is pressed against his soft sheets as he hovers over you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. No teasing words are spoken when the boy leans down to capture his lips with yours.  Itâs an eager kiss where youâre able to relish in the softness and the warmth of Jiminâs skin. Your arms automatically loop around his torso and you feel his smile against you. Jimin steals all the breath from your lungs and youâre left gasping as his mouth trails from your jaw to your neck.  âJ-Jimin,â you pant his name with swollen lips, leaning into his touch.  âI missed you.â  âWhatâd yo..u mean? I saw you today.â  âSeeing isn't enough.â His mouth sucks into the juncture of your neck, marking it red to his liking and knowing itâll bloom blue. Jimin lifts himself and smiles tenderly. âTell me youâre mine, Y/N.â  His gaze is soft, full of affection and endearment, and it swells your heart.  âIâm yours.â  âThatâs right. Youâre mine,â he whispers and kisses you again. He fiddles with the hem of your plush sweater and not long after, heâs tugging your camisole down.  Sometimes you stay in Jiminâs bed, limbs tangled with one anotherâs. Other times, heâs busy with soccer practice and you come home by yourselfâ  âHuh, did someoneâŠ.move my cardigan?â  You frown, wondering why itâs draped over the back of your chair and not the bed. Maybe your mom was trying to clean up for you again.  âHello?â you call, poking your head out your door. There isnât an answer.  You scoff to yourself, wondering what you were expecting.  Anyway, life for the most part is normal again. With Jimin by your side, heâs become a pillar of your strength and a reason for your resiliency. He is the many of your firsts. And he makes you look forward to even better days.  âHey. Jimin?â  âHmm?â  The pair of you are laying in his small bed and you shift your head to find him gazing at you with tender eyes and a softened smile. It tickles your own lips and you stare at him â his brown kaleidoscopic irises, his dark strands of hair nearly pricking into them.  Itâs quiet in his house with his parents gone and the fuzzy afternoon sunlight casting through the window makes you sleepy. If you donât blink, you can spot the specs of dust floating in the air.  âWhat are you thinking about?â  âNothing much.â Your voice is a murmur and you inhale gently, senses filled with Jiminâs comforting scent. âDo you think...you wouldâve loved me before this school year?â  âOf course, I would.â Jimin smiles as if youâre silly. âWeâre meant to be.â  He twines his hand with yours, fingers interlaced, and your sleepy smile stretches into cheeks.  But Jihyoâs cursed you. Sheâs done the worst possible thing.  Sheâs planted a seed in your mind. A seed of doubt. And itâs sprouted, taken root, embedded and coiled deep enough that you canât tug it out. Even beautiful moments like these, youâre plagued by her words. You can't help wondering if this is really Jimin or the Love Pagesâ doing.  Itâs chilly one night as youâre walking by yourself, going home from the convenient store down several blocks. The street lights are bright, illuminating both your figure and casting your shadow on the brick.  But then you halt. Feet against the asphalt. Turning around.  You swear, you felt eyesâ  Ring. Your phone rings suddenly and you jolt in startlement. You fumble before pulling it out and pressing it to your ear.  âHello?â You continue walking, except this time, your steps quicken. âJimin?â  âWhatâre you doing?â  âNothing,â you exhale, feeling comforted with him on the other line. âIâm so happy to hear your voice.â  He laughs boyishly and you smile to yourself, practically able to hear his grin.  Jimin sighs quietly, âWhy does that make me feel happy?â  âDid you finish running errands with your dad? Where are you?â  âIâm always with you,â he quips playfully and you roll your eyes.  Itâs a joke, but as you peek over your shoulder, unsettlement sticks in your stomach. It feels like youâre always being watched.  //  âJimin.â You stare up at the popcorn ceiling of his room, eyes running over the pointed ridges and dips, and drawing constellations from your imagination. âDo you ever feel like youâre being watched?â  He turns his head, having been folding his laundry on the floor. âWhat do you mean?â  âThe other night, I was grabbing something for my dad at the convenient store and while I was walking home, it felt likeâŠ.someone was watching me.â  âWas there?â he asks.  âI donât know. I didnât see anyone.â  âMaybe youâre just being paranoid,â Jimin comforts with a small smile and finishes folding his last shirt. He comes up on the bed and you make room for him to lay next to you. âOr maybe itâs your guardian angel protecting you.â  You scoff. âWhat guardian angel?â  âMe,â he giggles softly and reads your expression. âWould that be so bad?â  Your brows furrow and you go silent. Blood drains from your face and confusion makes your head dizzy. Itâs outrageous to ask, but you do soâ âWere you the one following me, Jimin?â  He hums, âMaybe.â  Instantly, you push your boyfriendâs hand away that was playing with your hair and you sit up. âIâm being serious.â  Jimin follows after you, getting up. âI donât get why youâre so upset.â  âItâs weird! Youâre stalking me!â  âIâm protecting you,â he corrects and his voice softens. âIâm doing this for your own good, Y/N. I see people on the news getting kidnapped all the time. I justâŠI donât want you to be taken away or put in danger. I donât think I could live with myself if you got hurt and I wasnât around to help.â  You press your palms against your forehead, not knowing where to even begin.  After a beat, your voice croaks, âHow long have you been doing this for?â  Jimin shrugs. âA while.â  His intentions might come from a good place, but it makes you nauseous to think about how Jiminâs been following you. How heâs been tracing your steps, watching you from behind. And you didnât even know.  You donât want to ask what else heâs done.  âIâm not going to get hurt, Jimin. You donât need to follow me like that.â  âBut you donât know when something might happen. No one knows. I just want to be there for you.â  Your thoughts are in a disarray, not sure how you should even reason with him. Shouldnât it be common sense?  At your ongoing silence, Jimin reaches out to hug you. But you stand, slipping away from his arms.  âI think I need to go home.â  âWait. Y/N.â Jiminâs agile and swift, capturing your wrist in his hand before youâve grabbed your bag. He stops you in your tracks. âDonât be mad. Iâm sorry!â  âI just need a moment by myself, okay?â You try to shake him off. âI-Iâll see you tomorrow.â  âPlease. Donât leave me,â his voice drops into a trembling whisper and your head whips around. Your eyes meet his, teary and shaking. Jimin suddenly gets onto his knees, cradling your hand in both of his hands and pressing it to his nose as if heâs praying. He begs, âDonât leave me.â  But his affectionate behaviour only serves to freak you out more. Itâs more than bizarre and you quickly tear your hand back, pulling it to your chest and out of his grip. âYouâre not being yourself, Jimin.â  You grab your bag, turning around and making it to the doorâ  âI love you!â he declares loudly, startling you. His sheer desperation radiates waves and you turn around with wide eyes. Jimin looks like heâs in the midst of a break down. âYouâre mine! Is it so wrong to look after you like this? I did it because I love you. I love you, Y/N.â  You clutch your bag against your body and divert your vision away from the boy.  âThen...promise me you wonât do that again,â you murmur after a handful of uncomfortable seconds have passed, âIâm safe and fine. Secretly following me is excessive and it makes meâŠ..uncomfortable.â  Jimin begrudgingly nods.  You slowly close the distance and hug him, allowing him to sniffle into your shoulder. Heâs fine with letting you leave after the pair of you have made up. Yet, when you arrive home the next day, you swear you feel eyes on your backside.  Itâs easy to pretend nothingâs wrong when you havenât noticed before.  But once you lock the front door and make it to your room, you nimbly peek out the window.  You catch Jimin standing across the street, expressionless.  //  The situation isnât mentioned again in fear of another dramatic confrontation, but it dwells. A disturbing discomfort weighs on your shoulders and every sweet call of your name on his lips is startling. Youâre not sure why youâre like this, how you can go back to how it used to be, when a mere glance from Jimin had your heart soaring and the butterflies in your tummy tickling.  It feels like the rose filter of your eyes have rubbed off. And that youâve found out the world is darker than the pink shades you previously saw it as.  You leave the bathroom, hands still a bit damp in spite of drying themâ  And you flinch when you see dark strands, brown irises and rounded cheeks standing in the hallway, leaning against the lockers.  Jimin smiles. âYouâre about to have lunch, right?â  You nod.  âI was thinking we could eat together today.â  âWith your friends?â  âNo. Just us.â As the two of you walk, Jimin slings an arm around your shoulders. It feels heavy instead of warm and comforting. Itâs quiet too, until he breaks it. âHave you been avoiding me, Y/N?â  You shake your head.  âGood. I wouldnât want you to be distant.â He lovingly presses his head to yours, nuzzling into your hair. âThatâs not what a good girlfriend does.â  You swallow hard. The food ends up tasting like nothing.  This isnât right. This isnât the boy next door you fell in love with years ago. Obsessive, controlling, a crazed look in his eye, desperate enough to beg on his knees â this isnât Jimin.  And you know the cause.  You know why and how this happened. But you canât bear to acknowledge the truth. Even when youâve been plunged so deep, you still want to savour this a little longer.  This impossibility. This dream that youâve been granted.  Tears fill your eyes and you gaze at him. Your boyfriend notices your softened expression that searches his face and he smiles, lifting his hand to pat your head.  He prepares to walk off to class, but you take the leap while diverting your eyes.  âJimin. A-After graduationâŠ...we need to talk.â  His hand comes to curl around your wrist, firm enough that you canât escape from. His voice drops an octave. âAre you breaking up with me?â  You shake your head. âIâm going to tell you the truth.â  Jiminâs brows furrow hard and he leans in close. âWhatâs the truth?â  âIâll tell you afterwards. Just wait a little longer,â you plead, âbe patient with me. Please. I love you.â  He stares and then nods.  Jimin embraces you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders to console the turmoil bubbling underneath your skin. No oneâs around to witness the intimate moment, so you allow yourself to savour it. âI love you too. I wonât ever let you go.â  You nod against him. And you really hope what he says is true.  You hope he loves you for you and not because itâs the effect of the Love Pages.  //  âIâm home!â you call out and shut the door. But instead of hearing your dadâs greeting or your motherâs nagging, thereâs a smooth timbre coming from the living room thatâs all too familiar. It raises the goosebumps around your arms and you stalk the noise, feet sliding against the floor.  ââthinking of maybe renting an apartmentââ  âJimin?â You stop in your tracks, bewildered at the sight of him sitting on the couch with your parents across from him, mugs and half-empty glasses of water on the coffee table in between. âW-What are you doing here?â  âOh, sit down! Jiminâs just discussing your plans with us,â your mom says with an endeared smile. âI didnât know the two of you had so many arrangements for after you graduate, Y/N!â  âYou shouldâve kept us in the loop,â your dad states with a satisfied smile.  You swallow hard, approaching on weak knees and collapsing beside your boyfriend.  âIâm going to the same university as you are,â Jimin informs with a proud smile, hands knitted together and posture straight. Heâs the picture perfect son-in-law, an image crafted to perfection.  âWhat? I meanâŠ.h-how do you even know what school Iâm going to?â  âI saw the acceptance letter, silly.â Jimin smiles. âI canât believe you hid it from me.â  âIt was supposed to be a surprise!â you lie frantically, in a rush and spilling out the sentence before your brain can catch up. And once it does, you add in a laugh and quirk your head to the side. âI was waiting for you to get your round of acceptance letters.â  Jimin believes you and apologizes for ruining the surprise to which you brush off and tell him itâs okay, that it isnât a big deal. The crisis is averted until he presents another ideaâ  âWe should probably move in together. Iâll have to move out anyway and you will too.â  Your mouth opens but your mother exclaims, âThatâs a great idea! Jiminâs a good boy who will protect you, Y/N. Itâll make me feel a lot better about you moving so far away.â  Jimin smiles.  He stays for dinner and your mom fusses about to make sure his stomach is stuffed with her home cooking while your dad reminisces and tells old stories. But you donât hear anything or taste the food youâve grown sick of. Itâs bland and white noise buzzes against your eardrumsâ  âY/N.â Jimin slips a hand on top of yours and you flinch before catching yourself. âY/N. Whatâs wrong?â  âNothing.â You realize your parents have left the table. âIâm fine.â  But you fail to notice how Jimin stops smiling when you turn away.  //  The long awaited day arrives on a brisk morning.  Youâve imagined it countless times before â when your head was laid on your desk, when your face was buried in your textbook, when your hand hurt from gripping your pencil. Graduation is the liberation day, another step to moving forward. After years of schooling, it marks another end and another beginning.  You always envisioned getting ready with Jihyo, looking at Jimin from faraway, being swept by the crowds and walking away without too many regrets.  In many ways, your fantasy is better and worse in reality.  Itâs worse in the ways that Jihyo doesnât look at you.  When you call her name, catch up to her, she doesnât so much as acknowledge who you are. She doesnât even say her last goodbyes. She doesnât promise to keep in touch. Itâs uncomfortable, for you and those around who witness. Your parents arenât one of them, but they bombard you with questions when you tell them not to call out to her. Questions you beg them not to ask.  Jihyo doesnât even give you the chance to admit your mistakes. So you let her be.  Youâre not sure what you expected when sheâs the master of holding grudges. All you know is that until the end, you did your part on trying to make amends. The rest is on her.  You hope she doesnât regret it.  Nevertheless, there are silver linings.  Instead of having to peek at Jimin through the masses, of having him accidentally in the background of pictures, heâs by your side. Your crush is yours to call, yours to hold.  But a weight still dwells on the back of your mind. As time passes, you know itâs getting worse and worse. Heâs becoming less like Jimin and more like a person you no longer recognize. Heâs grown distant with his friends as he solely focuses on you â calling you, texting you, asking where you are, telling you how excited he is to move in with you and how youâll finally be together.  And the more Jimin surrounds himself with you, the more sure you become.  You have to erase his name from the Love Pages. Even if you donât want to.  There are consequences of the Pages. Youâve stared at the papers, the names, the rules enough to know. The more naturally compatible a couple is, the more effective the Love Pages will be. The less compatible a couple is, the more undesired consequences will arise.  And this is a consequence.  If Jiminâs worsening obsession is because of the Love Pages, then you need to stop it. You have to vanquish your doubts about him being with you before this future together begins.  You want him to love you for you.  âY/N! What are you doing standing there? Move in!â  Hoseok is holding his phone to his face, camera open and ready to capture a picture of you and Jimin together. Irene stands beside him with an enormous grin, temporarily holding the bouquet of flowers they gifted to you. In the meanwhile, your parents and Jiminâs are chatting away.  âOkay! Perfect! Ready? One, two three!â  Your smile is stiff.  No matter how hard you try to maintain it, it twitches and never reaches your eyes.  When itâs done, Jimin holds your hand and pulls you to his family.  Jiminâs dad is friendly and open while his mom is more soft-spoken, but her features are reminiscent of Jimin's. Youâre moved when she gives you a bouquet of peonies on top of the flowers Hoseok and Irene, saying how she just bought some from the stand.  âCongratulations, sweetheart.â  âThank you.â  Jimin playfully pouts. âYou didnât get me any?â  His mom lightly scoffs and bats at him. âYou donât even like flowers.â  âI swear Y/Nâs gonna be drowning in them by the end of this,â he sighs and everyone laughs.  Jimin seems so normal on the surface â no one knows what you do.  //  Your heart is thumping against your rib cage hard enough to bruise. Itâs violent in your ear drums and you could clap to the rhythm of your pulse if you chose. But unfortunately, it isnât from excitement. Not the feeling of rushing down a roller coaster or falling infatuated within seconds.  Itâs different from the flutter of a first love or the anxiousness of a class presentation.  Itâs dread. Hope. Remorse.  The day has come â time is up. Youâve finally managed to pull Jimin aside in the chaos of graduation celebrations, alone in the house with your parents over at your brotherâs. Thereâs no room for disturbances, for interruptions, no way you can back down from the promise you made.  The two of you enter your room and you inhale a deep breath as you turn to face him.  Jiminâs brows are furrowed and he searches your expression. âWhat is it? What have you been wanting to tell me? You know I donât like it when you keep secrets from me.â  Wordlessly, you stride to your desk, pull the bottom drawer and reach below the file folders. Jimin is solemn as he watches you and you pull out what started this allâ  A pastel pink notebook and in small text at the front, simple words read âLove Pagesâ.  You brace yourself, grip tight enough to crinkle the cover. But then you hand it to Jimin.  He deserves to see it for himself.  Jimin takes it, curious and confused. âWhat is this?â  âYou have a right to know what I did, Jimin,â you murmur quietly as he studies the notebook, flips it over, reads the rules, the warning. âI found this notebook by accident and I know Iâm going to sound crazy, but it works. Whoeverâs name thatâs written in it will fall in love with the second written name. AndâŠ.I-...I wrote your name back in February.â  Jiminâs frown deepens. He flips open the pages.  Youâre too ashamed to look at him. Your downcast head avoids his glance.  âIâm sorry,â you snivel and repeat, âIâm sorry.â  Youâre not sure how many times will be enough â you donât think itâll ever be enough.  âIâŠ.Iâm the one who made you this way, Jimin. I liked you and I thought this was a joke and that it would be harmless, so I wrote your name in it and it ended up working...and I was so happy for the longest time,â your voice breaks and you realize your cheeks are wet. âBut this isnât you.â  Heâs gone completely silent and you swallow hard, the need to explain compulsive.  âThe way youâre acting, the person you are when youâre with me, itâsâ...itâs a consequence of the Love Pages because weâre not compatible.â Youâre sobbing and your heart aches as the words choke out of your closing throat. âAnd I tried to force something that isnât compatible. So Iâm so...so sorry. I made you lose yourself. I...I shouldnât have ever done this. So Iâm going to erase your name. Iâm going to undo all of this, I promise.â  Jimin stares at you, lips in a straight line, eyes dimmed.  âI know you wouldnât lie to me, Y/N,â he starts and you muster the courage to look at him, âIf what you say is true and if this notebook made me love you, then itâs the greatest thing to ever exist.â  âWhat?â  âI got the chance to love you, to be with you when I otherwise wouldnât have, Y/N.â Jiminâs eyes catch the evening sun through the window and his irises glimmer as the corner of his mouth quirks into a smile. âWhy would I want to erase my name?â  You shake your head. âThis isnât right, Jimin.â  Youâre not sure how he drew this conclusion on his own and you quickly approach, but then Jimin holds the notebook up. He extends his arm high above his head and out of your reach.  âJimin,â you beg him, âsnap out of it.â  âI love you, Y/N. Do you not love me?â  You try to reach up, get closer to the pink notebook held mockingly above you. But Jimin swiftly dodges your attempt and rounds towards the desk. âI love you, Jimin. Trust me. I really do love you. But it shouldnât have been this way. I shouldnât have made our relationship artificial.â  âBut I love you, Y/N,â he argues, becoming angry. âThatâs not artificial!â  âIf you love me then p-prove it. Let me erase the names!â You lurch forward, fingertips finally gripping onto the edges, but victory is short an inch.  Jimin grabs it hard enough to wrinkle the entire book and all its pages. He screams, âNo! I wonât let you erase it! I love you and I wonât risk falling out of love with you!â  âStop this, Jimin, please, Iâm begging you, let go,â you desperately spew through gritted teeth and itâs all too familiarâ  Pushing one another, trying to rip it from his grip, grabbing hold of edges, not letting go.  Youâve once stood in the same spot, having the same fight with Jihyo. And itâs an irony that makes your mouth bitter. She was right â and you wonder if she would laugh if she knew.  But the difference between then and now is that winning twice is harder than once.  Jiminâs backed up against your desk, nearly falling on it but his right hand comes to cushion himself. Though as it does, he feels the objects on your desk. In desperation, he grabs whatever he can to succeed, to perhaps distract you with. And he finds the lighter.  It takes one second.  One for Jiminâs strength to easily overpower yours. For him to yank it hard. For the smooth, pink cover and its white pages filled with endless names to slip from your fingertips.  For Jimin to scrape his thumb across the wheel of the lighter. And for you to hear the flickering flare, the rasping sparks, the quiet hum of the orange flame igniting.  Jimin brings the fire to the notebook.  He burns it, sealing the Love Pages together.  âNo!â  Your last attempt to grab it is futile. Youâre left to drop to your knees.  The blood-curdling shriek in your ears is unrecognizable until you realize it's yours.  Your pupils reflect the tangerine hue of the fire, the ash of the pages curling together, the soft pink that turns to black cinders fluttering down like Spring cherry blossoms in front of you.  Jiminâs smile is sweet. âThe only way to remove my name is to erase it, right? Look, Y/N. This way, we can always be together.â  A tear drips from your lash down your cheeks. Your mouth opens but the sob doesnât come from your throat already sore from yelling, screaming, apologizing. Instead, you cry like a marble statue shocked in time.  Jimin drops the burning corner of the Love Pages and the last of the binding melts into your carpet. He lowers himself and wipes away the tears on your cheeks with the pad of his thumb.  âYou made me better,â he coos, âthe Love pages made me better.â  Jimin sighs and caresses your head gently. âIf this is what the issue was then Iâm actually relieved. I thought you were going to try to break up with me. This obstacle means nothing to me, Y/N. It means nothing to us.â  He laughs and quickly reassures, âSoon enough, weâll move away. No one will be able to find us. We can finally get away fromâŠ.this. All these distractions. I can finally have you all for myself.â  He embraces you, arms wrapped around your body, propping his chin on top of your shoulder and breathing in the scent of your hair.  Itâs suffocating.  Your eyes dim.  Jiminâs trapped you. Heâs caught you in his web.
You think about running.  Even when he follows you half across the country under the guise of continuing education, you think about running in the middle of the night while heâs asleep. You fantasize about slowly slinking the arm slung around your body off, moving his dead weight from you, or moving during the day when heâs forced to be away.  Before itâs too late. Before it worsens. You can still escape.  But somehow, Jimin always knows where you are.  He texts at night when youâre gone for too long. He calls when youâre at the grocery store to buy certain things he forgot. And you know for a fact, he would track you down and look for you until his last breath if you tried to flee.  But your hesitance is not only because of him. Itâs your fault too.  A part of you always stops, with one foot out the door of the apartment and your bag slung over your shoulder in the middle of the night. Youâre unable to abandon the faded image of the boy you used to long for. Unable to stop the guilt from overwhelming you that you began this. That youâre the one who reduced him to this crazed state from your own selfishness. And the only way to undo whatâs happened to him is gone.  For just a moment, you wanted to be loved.  But what was an innocent wish morphed into a sin you blinded yourself too. All those months ago, had you done nothing, had you sat still, it wouldâve never been like this.  And that haunts you.  You canât bear to abandon Jimin, to try to get away, to call the police and attempt an escape. You canât make him surrender his entire life, disappoint his family, lose his scholarship, mark his history with red. You canât make him lose more of himself than what heâs already lost.  Jimin is both the benefit and the consequence you have to shoulder for the choices you made.  âY/N! Come here!â Your mother rushes you in for a hug and pastes a wet kiss on your cheek. âIâm so glad the two of you could make it back for your winter break! I missed you so much.â  Jimin shadows you, dragging in the suitcases and your mother smiles at him.  âJimin! You too! Get in here!â She hugs him as he giggles and pats her back. The festive music plays in the background, your dad, brother and sister-in-law in the living room chatting away.  But you donât enter the warm room. Rather, you ascend the darkened staircase.  The pitch black envelops your form until you reach for the knob of your old room. The door creaks as it swings open.  Your room is undisturbed, just like you left it except for the thin layer of dust sitting on the furniture. You remember when you sat at the desk, when you knew absolutely nothing.  Stiffly, you take two strides and sit back down on the creaking chair.  You flick the table lamp on and off, watching how it illuminates the space before darkening it again, listening to the click of the button. Then, your eyes travel to the discarded lighter.  You pick it up, rolling the wheel and observing the flame that sparks.  A moment later, you put it down and instinctively from the habits youâve built, you reach down to tug open the bottom drawer. As if youâll see the Love Pages reappear. As if the notebook will sit right there as it did for so long. But instead, you notice a folded piece of lined paper tucked at the side.  You take it out, studying the page in a transfixed state.  The lines are a light blue, the white crisp and clean, but itâs completely torn on the side.  You remember.       âErase Jiminâs name.â  Jihyo all that time ago, tried to convince you to erase his name. You shouldâve listened to her then, salvaged your friendship while you still could. But what was left of her and that fight was this page torn out of the Love Pages.  You stare at it. The final evidence of such a notebook ever existing.  And then youâre grabbing the pen on your desk.  The ink bleeds on the page, letters feathering away, but you scratch it hard enough to hear, looping the names onto the paper, knowing itâs permanentâ  L/N Y/N    Park Jimin  Jimin shuffles into the room and notices your backside cowering over the desk.  âSweetheart, is there something wrong? Are you hiding something?â  You turn from the chair and heâs startled from your enormous grin and your brightened eyes. You shake your head and run to him, lurching forward.  âJimin!â  You throw your arms around his neck and he stumbles back from the impact of your embrace.  âI love you so, so much.â Itâs hard to express the feelings that have suddenly devastated you, so you tear yourself from him to kiss him. Itâs an eager kiss, one where your mouths smack together, where youâre gripping his sweater, tasting him and trying to get as close as you can but to no avail.  All youâre aware of is the need to have Jimin by your side. You might die without him here.  When you pull away, heâs grinning, happy that you arenât so distant anymore.  âYou love me, right?â  âOf course, I do!â Jiminâs almost upset at the question. âWhy would you even ask that?!â  You laugh joyfully, the sound chortling from your throat. Your chest is rising and falling, pupils blown wide as your massive grin makes your cheeks ache. âThen youâre mine.â  âThatâs right. Iâm yours.â  You embrace Jimin again, arms wrapped tightly around his warm torso as your nose digs into his shoulder and his own arms cage your body. It feels like youâve been sewn to each other by your skin and the thought makes you even more giddy.  You love him so much, more than the whole world itself.
#bts fanfic#bts scenario#jimin angst#jimin fluff#bts angst#bts yandere#bts yandere AU#I know what you're thinking#two dark Jimin fics in a row???#yes lol#the schedule ended up working out that way so I hope y'all don't mind#the fluff will soon be returning to my blog
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