#my twilight phase never ended

[rmblythe7]

Do I still enjoy the Twilight series?

Yes.

Can I explain or try to reason the outrageous obsession I had with it in the early aughts?

Absolutely not.

[thealogie]

picture this. you're michael sheen, beloved queer-friendly welsh actor and recent twilight saga vampire. you want your favorite book to become a tv show, and you want to be the lead. so what do you do? you befriend the author. he wines and dines you, you become a confidant in the scriptwriting phase. and in the process of the GO script you decide you don't want to be crowley, actually, you want to be aziraphale. you put in the work for months to influence the author to the same conclusion. so when neil gaiman comes to you one day saying, "i know you joined on to be crowley... but how would you feel about playing aziraphale?" you say, what a novel idea! i was feeling the same way, i just didn't want to say anything! let's do it.

you're michael sheen, the lead in the adaptation of your favorite book. you meet david tennant as your leading man, a rising star (and vocal fan of yours) you've had a few vague interactions with in the past. on set you immediately find the closest friend you have ever and will ever find in your life, and you know this. the romance you have in your (yes, your) show is ambiguous, but you're michael sheen. you think that romance needs to be explicit. so what do you do? you become a nightmare on set. you get really hands-on; you make costume choices, you make story decisions, you tell your author friend at the very end of filming: aziraphale is in love with crowley and realizes it in 1941. now go do it again.

so the author goes and does it again. you get a season 2. you get 1941 part 2. you're michael sheen, and you are the lead of the adaptation of your favorite book, and the romance you littered into the character you built from the ground up has become unambiguous. everything goes according to plan. but, you see, you have a problem: the author you have baby trapped is acting a FIEND on twitter and tumblr. he's saying everything he can to imply aziraphale and crowley aren't sexually attracted to each other. he's getting a bit too bold with his character assumptions, is all i'm saying. so here's what you're going to do: you play it up with your pal david tennant. you made a show with him during lockdown. you're going to depict your lives as even more intertwined and homoerotically codependent as previously possible. you grow even closer. your wives become best friends, too, because how could they not? this has been the plan since the beginning, too. your lockdown show ends. it wasn't enough.

so you, michael sheen, of course you put in the work. if david tennant's there, you're damn sure you're there physically, spiritually, biblically, in whatever capacity you can be. it's not hard. david tennant is a big fan of yours, after all, so he MAKES SURE you're always in the conversation. you have him wrapped around your little finger, this lovely little boy, and so you know what you do next? you become neighbors. you make your directorial debut casting your best friend's wife watching her husband and male neighbor initiate sex with each other. you play into the swinging rumors (that you, michael sheen, had started). you create a narrative that you and david tennant are two homoerotic besties, and is there more going on in the background there? any deeper conspiracy? who really knows, but what you do know is that the world is talking about it.

and you, michael sheen, your entire acting career has led to this moment, your gay quips, your oscar wilde sex scene (and the interviews following), all of your queer roles, EVERYTHING has brought us to this conclusion. you have created the lab perfect conditions where season 3 must have an explicit gay sex scene. i'm sorry neil, my hands are tied! the people are clamoring for me and david tennant to have sex-- i mean aziraphale and crowley to have sex, the public decided this all on their own! i really don't think you have much choice. but of course, i would never deign to tell an author how to practice his veritable craft. i concede to whatever version of series 3 you create, and i will happy to bring this beloved character to his deserved ending.

and why do you say this? because you're michael sheen. you're just an actor who incidentally stumbled his way into leading the queer romance adaptation of your favorite book that wasn't a romance, and you just read the script the way that it was given to you. and if series 3 means an explicit sex scene between you and your best friend david tennant, then what a lovely coincidence that you had absolutely no part in making happen. because what power do you really have?

This is my favorite book I’ve read so far this year. A rare occasion where the author pulls off use of the second person pov. I really felt like I was a beloved welsh actor crossed with Machiavelli when I read this

[burningcheese-merchant]

What do you think of a burningcheese vampire au? Any head cannons to recommend?

That's certainly an interesting idea. One I admittedly never considered until now lol. Was never one for vampires (even in my cringey Twilight phase at age 11, I liked Jacob more lol), but I want and need BurningCheese in every possible timeline so let's see what I can come up with here

How about, instead of vampires that are harmed by the sun, we have vampires that are the opposite? That are empowered by the sun and weakened by the moon? With both Golden Cheese and Burning Spice already coming from hot places, I think that lends itself to that sort of arguably more fitting table-flip

With this in mind, let's look at the routes we can go down.

Vampire Burning Spice:

Cursed by a wizard/shaman/whatever as they lay dying in the ruins of a civilization BS had just destroyed

BS looks exactly the same as before, which enables him to hide what he's become quite easily

He becomes a full-on cannibal as a result of his curse/transformation. Already being violent and figuratively bloodthirsty allows him to quench his literal bloodthirst easily; he just munches on arms and legs + chugs whatever pours out of slit throats + gobbles up whatever he tears out of chest/stomach cavities to get his fix (and also the curse might have driven him slightly madder than he already was before, which is also why he's escalated from just torturing and killing people to eating them as well)

Very weak and lethargic at night. It is fire, heat, and sunlight that help keep him going; when the sun sets, he becomes tired and tends to squirrel himself away somewhere, skulking around in the shadows, waiting for day to return

Soul Jam becomes a huge crutch at night because of the aforementioned weakness to night/moonlight

Doesn't know how to turn anyone else into a vampire, or even if he can. Doesn't really care about that tbh. Or he didn't, until...

...He met and fell in love with Golden Cheese lol. His beautiful little bird. His precious Soul Jam thief. His sweet, delicious prey, with that scrumptious, intoxicating blood that he can smell from dozens of feet away, that he can almost hear pumping through those delicate veins... oh, those fights they had were hard on Burning Spice. She made him so hungry, in more ways than one. He craves her, he truly does. And he shall have her, in every way that he wants. What's she going to do about it, anyway? Kill him?

Golden Cheese, being stuck with a literal fucking vampire cannibal in love/obsessed with her and hunting her down constantly, tries to find a way to break his curse, if only to prevent any additional suffering to innocents and get him off of her ass even a little bit

Vampire Golden Cheese

In her grief and desperation to revive her subjects and restore her kingdom, GC ended up resorting to strange magic that she didn't understand, which backfired on her terribly as a result

Lives in almost complete seclusion, trying to maintain as much distance as she can between herself and... anyone, really. She would never forgive herself if she gave in to her newfound instincts and harmed someone for the sake of this disgusting, unholy appetite

She really is ashamed of herself. For her foolishness, for her cowardice... for the way she can feel her own mouth start to water when she watches the cheesebirds go about their work... She's damned herself and what few treasures she has left, by doing what she did. And now it's yet another albatross around her neck, that she'll have to carry for... who knows how long

Tries to channel her inner Dark Cacao and maintain extreme self-control and discipline at all times. Denies her bloodlust for as long as possible, until she truly cannot take it anymore (and then she just goes out and eats jelly worms, no matter how bad they taste)

Realizes she's weaker at night and does most of her work during that time, as it's when she poses less of a threat to the cheesebirds and any other life in the area

Same as V!BS, she relies on her Soul Jam to keep her strength up at night

Tries to find a cure for her predicament in any way she can without directly informing anyone of what's happened because she's too proud to admit she fucked up this badly and she fears that everyone will turn against her and persecute her

Fuck's sake, some buffalo looking bozo kidnaps her and drags her to Beast-Yeast and now she has to fight this big buff guy and... why is he looking at her like that? Why is he talking to her like that? They met five minutes ago and he already sounds smitten with her, what the fuck is this. She just wants to go home and get back to trying to fix herself-

WHY DID HE FOLLOW HER HOME? SHE LEFT HIM BURIED UNDER HIS TEMPLE, HE SHOWS UP ON HER LAND HARDLY A MONTH LATER, OH GOD WHAT DOES HE WANT-

Welp. He discovers what's wrong with her. And he coerces her into letting him stick around in exchange for his silence. At least he said he'd help...? But how he'll do so remains a profoundly irritating mystery...

That's what I have for now. I'll think of more later bc I already know people are going to flood my inbox asking for more of this lol

[iwriteasfotini]

To all the writers: PLEASE...

TW/Rating: This post talks about sex. Not descriptions of sex acts, but how sex is written about in media/fanfiction. Just keep that in mind.

I see some patterns and problems in the standards popular media sets for physical appearance and sexualization (I mean, duh). I'm also well into adulthood, and went through my own Twilight phase a LONG time ago (I'm not proud of it, but there it is).

Fanfiction is interesting because it offers anyone the chance to write, to be read, and you don't have to answer to ANYONE on your content. You also don't make any money. Which is great because it means everyone most people writing are doing it because they are passionate about the project.

Media has set fully unattainable standards for both physical attractiveness and sexualization. When I think that most people reading current fanfiction are between 16-25 (???) it makes me VERY conscious of how I choose to approach these topics in my writing. It took a long time in my own life to embrace myself as I am and that life doesn't happen like a movie. Of course we all claim to know this. But when you crest that hill, whether you are 16, 24, 38, or beyond, you realize that there was always a small part of you who thought it should/could happen a certain way.

People, it doesn't! And it is extremely freeing to realize your partner isn't going to take you on a surprise vacation to Maui (where you both get wicked tan, spend all day lounging and drinking from the swim up bar, and have days of the best sex of your life) BUT they also still love you to the ends of the earth.

Ok, so how does this relate to the Marauders and fanfiction?

First, fanfiction is just that, FICTION. It should be an escape. No one Most people don't want to read about someone's boring day of averageness. This means the content will inherently be unrealistic. I have not problem with this. I love to escape into books and fanfiction. LOVE IT! But there are things we can be conscious of as writers in this modern day and age...

Writers: PLEASE be conscious of the messages which show up repetitively in the fandom. I will never ever tell someone what they are writing is wrong. Or bad. No way. You shouldn't be shamed for what you write. BUT you can think about how you present your imagination to the wider world. And be intentional! Are you following a status quo set by people you don't know simply because...? Or are you truly looking at each character and how you bring them to life in your own unique way. And don't be hard on yourself if you realize there are things about your writing you don't like if you reflect. This is growth and growth is good.

Writers: PLEASE don't get bogged down in describing the physical traits of all your characters in minute detail. And once you mention a trait once, you probably don't need to bring it up again. Let your audience have some space to HC how they want. Especially in fanfiction where beloved characters are written again and again.

Writers: PLEASE write somewhat realistic sex scenes. I'm going to do a whole separate post on this at some point, but it is something very dear to my heart and when your audience is young, I think setting healthy expectations in this arena is so much better than writing scene after scene of earth shattering sex. If you are going to write many multi-orgasm mind blowing sex scenes (full disclosure, I DO THIS), I hope you laid a foundation of how your characters got to where they are. LOTS OF PRACTICE. MOST ORGASMS AREN'T SIMULTANEOUS. PEOPLE LEARN THEIR PARTNER AND THEN CAN MAKES SEX AMAZING FOR THAT SPECIFIC PERSON. And other such ideas.

*As a disclaimer to the above, I LOVE a good smut scene with awesome and less realistic sex. But make sure your reader knows this isn't the status quo. This is that once every now and then insanely good sex some people are lucky enough to experience. I think this comes across best in one-shots, and honestly the more out there the material, the more people are like, yeah, this doesn't happen every day. But great fantasy fuel, as long as you don't set it as your standard for IRL.

Writers: PLEASE let your characters get UGLY. When someone is mortally wounded, they aren't sexy. When someone is having a full on meltdown, bawling their eyes out, wiping their nose on their sleeve over and over again, it's kinda gross, right? But it's also so vulnerable and so realistic. When you are lying on your back crying, your tears run out of the corners of your eyes and into your ears and that sensation sort of tickles and also makes you want to wipe your ears out, and is unique to that position when you cry. Basically think realistically about those moments when your characters are showing their humanity. Capitalize on it to bring those Greek Adonis's down to earth a bit.

Writers: PLEASE make sure all your characters aren't hypersexualized and that each has their own sexuality. This means when writing with many characters POV, romantic encounters look different for all the different pairs(+). Everyone's sexual chemistry is different, even the same character various partners.

Writers: PLEASE throw little humanizing moments particularly in regards to physical appearance or how someone's body can feel into your writing. Like if your characters go on a date, eat a ton of food, then get into bed... having sex while super full isn't fun. That also doesn't mean your characters should never eat! YIKES. Back to the crying (my characters cry a lot). I always make note of where the handkerchiefs are coming from, who is cleaning and drying them (thank you awesome magical world). If you are in the real world, you'd end up with a big old pile of damp tissues, yah know?

Alright, I've said enough. Maybe no one will read this... which is highly likely. But at least I got to vent to my screen and keyboard.

Remember you are beautiful, inside and out.

Wait... one more.

Writers: PLEASE write SOME sex scenes which don't mention how big the guy(s)/or girl (trying to be trans inclusive here, probably a sorry attempt) dicks are. PLEASE. Yup I said it. Not all sex scenes (I get it people, I do), but SOME. Why do we have to mention size at all? Personally I leave the specifics out completely and up to the reader to HC. There might be an implied reference through description of an act. Maybe... probably... but I really do try to keep that minimal.

This concludes my long rant. Gotta go cook dinner for my family (just to remind you we come to the fandom from all shapes, sizes, ages, genders, and beyond). ;-)

[andreafmn]

Collision | Chapter 23

Word Count: 4.4K Warnings: medical procedures, death

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life is at its first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same.

A/N: goodness me, I know it's been forever since I've updated anything. I've been in a bit of a mental rut and nothing was coming to me, but I'm finishing up a couple of updates so I'll definitely be publishing a few things this week. Also, please don't hate me for updating the less loved Twilight fic. Speak is coming soon 🫣🫣 also also, new character 👀👀

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(Y/N) knew it had been too quiet for too long.

Well, not entirely quiet.

After the encounter with Laurent in the woods, his friend Victoria had shown up. The vampire had gone through hitchhikers in Forks like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. It had the sheriff station in Forks and La Push on high alert. There were too many bodies and not enough explanations—at least none that could be known by the public.

The pack had already doubled their efforts during their patrols, doing all in their power to run the redhead out of their land while protecting the Swan duo in theirs. They had lost sleep and had been overworked for weeks. The vampire had bested them in every move, taunting the pack with her swift and calculated moves.

But the important thing was that Bella was safe, and she seemed to be getting better. At least for the past couple of weeks, she had been better. That’s what (Y/N) thought until she got a call one early March morning.

“What do you mean Bella knows about you?” (Y/N) said through gritted teeth. “And it happened a week ago? Why am I just finding out? I literally talked to her before spring break started.”

“It seems Jacob hinted to the stories she used to hear when she was a kid,” Sam sighed. “Gotta give it to the kid. He really found a workaround the rules. I was gonna tell you as soon as it happened, but you had your exams and everything, so no one wanted to worry you with it.”

“How did she take it? Is everyone okay?”

“Well, Jake and Paul had a little row because Bella blamed us for Jacob keeping his distance from her,” her brother chuckled. “And, well, Paul got a bit mouthy, and Bella ended up slapping him—at least, attempting to—which cause him to get angry and phase. Subsequently Jacob phased to protect her. They’re both fine now and Bella knows everything.”

“And no rules were broken I suppose,” (Y/N) sighed. “But Bella now knows about wolves and vampires and somehow is back in the center of all supernatural danger. Isn’t this all just great?” 

“This is gonna sound harsh, but I prefer her being hunted than you, (Y/N),” Sam admitted. “I know we can protect you in our land, but this one is ruthless and relentless. I would hate for her to have your scent.”

“Well, she doesn’t, thankfully,” she said. “Don’t think she even had my description since you killed her friend. But I thought we were gonna be more proactive when sharing information now.”

“I know, but I wanted you to at least pass that test first,” he confessed. “Look at you now, on your first week as a student doctor.”

“I still can’t believe it’s happening,” (Y/N) exclaimed. “I don’t know what spirits are looking out for me, but it’s almost unbelievable that I’ve been able to do any of this. It takes months for Step 1 to be revised and for college credits to go through. But I’m knocking on wood that these miracles keep happening like this. Might just become the youngest doctor in Washington.”

“If there’s anyone who could do it, it had to be my genius sister.”

“Thanks for the flattery, it does me well in the mornings,” she chuckled. “But I do have to get into work soon. So, thank you for this new information. I will call Bella and see how she’s doing after my shift.”

“Alright, sounds good, Dr. Uley.”

“I like how that sounds,” she beamed. “I’ll see you after work. Bye, Sam.”

“Bye, Dr. Uley.”

When (Y/N) entered the hospital that morning, she believed it would be another routine day. A couple of flu cases, possibly some broken bones in the ER, maybe even a more pressing case. But she had not expected to see Harry Clearwater coming through the doors of the emergency room, Sue trailing close behind.

“(Y/N), I’m gonna need you on this one,” Dr. Mollins, the ER attending, called. “Let’s move the patient to Trauma 1. Talk to me.”

“We’ve got a man in his mid to late 50s showing signs of a severe myocardial infarction,” the paramedic said as he pushed the gurney into the building. “He went into cardiac arrest during transport, but we were able to regain sinus rhythm. He was administered two milligrams of epi.”

(Y/N) felt stuck in her spot, her limbs frozen as the familiar faces moved past her. She had seen her fair share of emergencies during her time at the hospital and her past internships. But seeing someone that she knew completely defenseless and unconscious shot ice through her veins.

“Dr. Uley!” Mollins called her again. “I need you here, now!” 

“Yes, o-of course,” the young woman stammered as she felt her brain finally jumpstart. She sent Sue an apologetic smile as she walked through the curtain that separated Harry’s room from the rest of the beds. “I’m here.”

As soon as she slid the curtain behind her, (Y/N), Eden Mollins, and a nurse started to examine Harry. His blood was extracted, his pulse and his blood pressure were taken, his lungs were listened to, and his temperature was taken. All the while, the man remained unconscious, and (Y/N) prayed to whatever was out there that he at least opened his eyes.

Every second that passed, the girl’s breath hitched in her throat. All she could do was think back at the summers she would spend in the Clearwaters home, running around with Seth and Leah while Harry watched over them, how he and Billy would gather all the kids around the bonfire to tell them stories about the ancestors, how he watched over her and Sam when her father had decided to disappear from their lives.

“I wanna run an EKG and an Echo on the patient,” Eden instructed. “And call in a CT and a chest MRI. The patient is still unconscious, so…”

“Harry,” (Y/N) choked out. “His name is Harry.”

“Excuse me?”

“The patient’s name is Harry,” she restated. “Harry Clearwater.”

“Do you know the pa… Mr. Clearwater, Uley?”

“Yes, I do.”

“You have to tell me right now if that will impair your treatment of the patient today, Uley,” the doctor said. “I cannot have you freeze like you did.”

“Good,” he nodded. “He seems stable for now, so go out there and get some background from the wife. Can you do that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alright then.”

The doctor slid the curtains open to reveal a teary-eyed Sue. Once he was gone, (Y/N) allowed herself to throw her arms around the woman, wrapping her in a tight, warm hug as she whispered how sorry she was. “What happened, Sue?” she whispered. “What caused this? He seemed fine last week.”

“Oh gods, (Y/N), it was just too much for him,” the woman sniffled. “It was Leah. She phased.”

“W-what? Leah shifted into a wolf? How is that possible?”

“That’s not all. The second Harry was down, Seth phased too,” she added. “He said only boys turned into wolves, (Y/N). How could it be that Leah is one too?”

“I could not tell you, Sue,” (Y/N) breathed. “This is just as new to me as it is to you. But what could have triggered the change in Leah? I don’t get it. Thought there were normally signs.”

“Well, she had been acting out a lot recently, and her body started changing dramatically. I thought she was just being a normal moody teenager and that maybe she was going through a second puberty,” Sue sighed. “But this morning, we were arguing about how horrible her mood swings had been, and she just exploded. One second, my daughter was standing before us. And the next, there was a grey wolf breaking through our couch. The shock sent Harry down. His heart just couldn’t take it—you know he’s always had trouble with it. Then, Seth—poor thing—seeing his father go down got so anxious that he shifted too. I tried calling Sam after I called 911, but Emily told me he was out with his wolves chasing that leech out of the forest. “It was all so sudden, (Y/N),” the woman cried, taking (Y/N)’s offered hand. “She ran out the door with Seth behind and I couldn’t stop them. I had to get Harry to the hospital.”

“Oh, Sue, that’s just horrible,” the girl said. “I can’t believe that happened.”

“Tell me, (Y/N). Is it bad? Is Harry gonna be okay?”

(Y/N) took in a steadying breath as she braced herself to tell one of the people who had essentially raised her that her husband was not showing good signs. How could she speak those words when she didn’t want to believe them herself? “Look, Sue, I can’t lie to you. Things are not looking good,” she explained. “With his age, his pre-existing condition, and the severity of this episode, it’s still too early to tell. We need him to wake up in order to assess the situation fully. If not…”

“I know,” Sue interjected. “I just don’t know what I would do without him.”

“Okay, let’s not go there just yet, Sue,” (Y/N) stammered. “Why don’t you call someone to be with you while we run labs? I wouldn’t want you to be alone right now.”

“Don’t worry about me, (Y/N),” she softly smiled. “I already called Charlie and Billy. They’re on their way here already.”

“Good. I’m gonna go check on his labs. If you need anything or need me here, just let one of the nurses know and they’ll page me right back.”

“That’s alright, (Y/N). I know you’re busy.”

When she left the room, (Y/N) finally felt like she could breathe. But there was a nagging in the deepest corners of her head that was telling her that something bad was going to go down. Yet, she wanted to listen to the rational side of her brain. Harry was in the best place to receive treatment if another episode were to happen. She had to trust that they would be able to help him. She simply had to.

The girl busied herself with other patients’ labs and filing anything that kept her as far away from Harry’s results as possible. She couldn’t face another loss so quickly. Not yet. She wasn’t sure if her heart could take it.

During her short life, (Y/N) had faced too many grievances that had forced her to grow up too quickly. Her father had walked out of her life when she was too young, and she needed him the most, forcing her mother to spend too much time at work and too little time at home. Most of the time, it was only Sam and her at home dealing with their schoolwork and food. Then, right as they were learning how to be the dynamic duo, she was accepted at St. Agustine Prep, and she had to learn how to be by herself for the better part of four years. After, she met the man she thought would be her future, and he ripped her heart apart like it hadn’t been fragile to begin with. Sadness was simply a part of (Y/N)’s existence, but she didn’t think there was more she could take.

(Y/N) prayed quietly. She prayed harder than she ever had before in her life. She didn’t know to what exactly, but she prayed.

And yet, the universe rarely played things out in the way she wanted.

The young woman was on her way to greet Billy Black and Charlie Swan when a loud ringing alarm called her attention. It was the soundtrack of despair, the theme song of disappointment, and the last thing (Y/N) wanted to hear. Her legs started moving before she could think twice, setting off for Harry’s room. There, the flatlining sound filled her ears, mixed with Sue’s pleas for help as nurses pulled her aside to allow the doctors to work.

“The patient’s coding, Uley,” Eden called out. “Start compressions. This is your call.”

(Y/N) was already on Harry before Mollins had finished his sentence. Her full attention was on her counts, pressing on his chest like she had been taught to do. One, two, three, four, all the way to thirty before the nurse administered air pumps. Then again, and again.

“Push one milligram of epi,” (Y/N) called out, not stopping her compressions for another three minutes. “Check rhythm.” 

As she removed her hands, the screen showed a red line once more, and that pesky sound filled the room again. “Still asystole,” Eden said. “Push another milligram and clear for defib.” 

(Y/N) continued her work as sweat formed on her forehead. She pushed into the man’s chest at a steady pace, even when she felt her limbs wanted to give out. Her legs trembled under her, and her heart hammered loudly against her chest, but she couldn’t stop. Even after two defibrillations that yielded no results, the girl kept administering compressions.

“Uley, it’s time to call it,” Mollins whispered softly at the young doctor. “It’s been over thirty minutes.” 

“No!” (Y/N) exclaimed. Beads of sweat were falling down her face and mixing with her tears, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Not for Harry. “I’ve gotta keep going!” 

“(Y/N),” Eden called her, taking hold of her wrists and forcing her gaze to break from the man. “It’s time to call it.”

“I can’t,” she trembled as she fell onto the doctor. “He can’t…” 

But the consistent sound of a flatline killed her words. That was it. Her first patient was gone, and it was someone she had looked up to like a father. Despite all of her efforts, he was gone, and there was nothing else she could do about it.

“Time of death: 1542,” the doctor called to the nurse before turning back to the crumbling girl. “You did everything you could, (Y/N). You did everything right.”

“But he’s gone,” she cried. “He’s gone, and I could’ve done more.”

“No. There was nothing at all that you could have done,” Eden said. "Unfortunately, this is part of the job. We can’t save them all, (Y/N), but you absolutely did everything you could have.” 

“I know I can’t save them all, but I needed to save him.” 

“Tell you what, I’m gonna break the news to the family right now,” the young man said. “You’re gonna take a second to compose yourself before you go out there, and I want you to take the rest of the day off to rest.” 

“I shouldn’t…” 

“I know that it’s unconventional, and most doctors would have said that you needed to get used to it,” he added. “But you need this, (Y/N). This case is too personal, and I know it’s gonna take a toll on you.” 

“Okay,” she whimpered. “Thank you, Dr. Mollins.” 

“I already told you, (Y/N). When we’re off a case, it’s Eden.” 

The moment Eden left the room, the silence that filled it was worse than the beeping and the alarms. It was eerie and loaded, and it made (Y/N) feel like it would swallow her at any moment.

Yet, the only other presence there was Harry. His face was covered with a white sheet, shielding his body from everyone. And for that, she was thankful. (Y/N) couldn’t look at his face. She knew her mind would trick her into thinking that he was merely sleeping and that at any moment, he would wake up and say the most unfunny joke she had heard of, but she would have laughed anyway because it would have meant that he was alive.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she whispered to him. “I tried so hard. I hope you know that.”

“He does, honey.” Sue’s voice startled her. Tears stained the woman’s face, but her desperation was gone. She wrapped her arms around the younger girl, smoothing down her hair in a comforting manner. “He knows how hard you fought for him, (Y/N). It was just his time.”

“He was fine just last week,” she sobbed. “I can’t believe he’s just gone now.”

“As long as he is in our memories, he will never truly be gone,” the woman smiled sadly. “But he is with our spirits now, reunited with his ancestors.”

“Harry will never be forgotten that I can promise you, Sue.”

“He really loved you, (Y/N),” Sue mentioned. “He was always so amazed by everything that you were doing. He loved to boast about how far he knew you’d go to literally anyone who would listen. Deep down, he wanted Leah and Sam to work out so we’d be officially family.”

“I’m really gonna miss him, Sue. I wish I had spent more time with him these last few years. And now…”

“Oh, honey, no. Don’t do that,” the woman comforted. “Harry knew how busy you are, how busy you’ve always been. He was just so happy to know you were doing something you loved.”

“May his soul rest easy now,” the girl whimpered before placing a hand on Harry’s. “Until we meet again, Harry.”

(Y/N) excused herself from the room, allowing Sue to have one last moment with Harry. Outside, she acknowledged Charlie and Billy, giving them a sad smile before she disappeared into the doctor’s locker rooms. She couldn’t face another person who was close to Harry, not when she could still feel the beat of his heart under her hands.

Inside the locker room, she allowed herself to break down. She crumpled to the floor, clutching at her chest as every emotion came barreling down on her. There was pain and turmoil, anger and disappointment. But most of all, it was the harrowing sadness that she had been carrying since she was a little girl that draped itself over her, swallowing her completely and dragging her into the darkness.

Until a voice pulled her out. “Hey, hey, Uley,” Eden called as he kneeled in front of her. “Come on, you need to breathe. Take a deep breath.”

“I-I-I c-can’t,” she stammered. Her breath got trapped in her chest, tightening her lungs and making them burn for oxygen.

“Yes, you can. Come on,” he encouraged. “Match my breaths, okay? Come on, in and out.”

Eden took deep breaths, exhaling after holding them for five seconds. His hands found hers, forcing her gaze to snap to his. He continued the breathing exercises until she was finally able to match his pace. Her body stopped shaking, and feeling started returning to her limbs as her sobs quieted down. As weakness took over her, (Y/N) crashed onto Eden’s chest, allowing him to wrap her in a warm and comforting hug.

It was an unexpected embrace that she was more than thankful for. Eden had come to the hospital three months after Carlisle had left to fill the hole left in the emergency department. When (Y/N) had entered and started her clinical rotations, he had been tasked with being her teacher in emergency medicine.  

He had not taken to her quickly. From her work as a medical assistant, he had said she was far too young and too inexperienced to be in the hospital. Though he had eaten his words in a short amount of time, he still seemed to hold some sort of disdain for her. At least, that’s what she had thought until that very moment.

“Hey, there you go,” he cooed. “Just keep breathing, okay?”

“Gods,” (Y/N) croaked out. “I’m sorry. I know I should be okay with death, but this…”

“You don’t have to apologize, (Y/N). Never apologize for the emotions you’re feeling,” Eden reassured. “Especially not after losing someone close to you. That is something no one could ever fault you for.”

“Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?” the girl blurted. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but it’s not a secret that you don’t really like me.”

“Why would you think that?” she asked, his tone hinting at being slightly offended. “I don’t think I’ve given any indication of that.”

“Come on, Eden. You’re always giving me dirty looks and have gotten mad at me at any turn this whole week. It’s not hard to decipher that you don’t really enjoy my presence at the hospital.”

“Oh god, no. That has nothing to do with you—at least not directly,” he quickly assured. "I think you’re a brilliant doctor, and I’m honestly so impressed that you’re here at your age. My attitude has more to do with the fact that my parents saw you working here a week after I finally got here, and they were on me because I could have been like you.”

“What, a terrified nineteen-year-old playing at being a doctor?”

“Christ, I didn’t think you’d heard that,” he grimaced. “That came from a really childish place. It’s just that my parents have always pushed me to be the best, much to my detriment. I had the ability to jump a few grades or do dual enrollment like you did, but I wanted the whole high school experience. So, even if I graduated at sixteen and finished my bachelor's in three years, I could have always done better. So, here I am at twenty-five and already an attending, but in comes a nineteen-year-old med student who somehow was able to skip two whole years of med school and had an almost perfect Step 1 score, and suddenly my achievements aren’t good enough anymore. I’m sorry I ever said that. I mean, I’m a grown-ass man caring what my parents think.”

“Don’t worry,” she smiled softly. “It just made me want to prove myself even more. I’m kind of used to people underestimating me.”

“Yeah, I quickly learned I shouldn’t have,” he chuckled. “You’re a great doctor, (Y/N), and a great person.”

“Well, thank you,” she beamed. "It honestly means a lot coming from you, especially now.”

“I can promise that was the first and last time I ever underestimate you,” Eden smiled brightly.  “Now, you should go home. Your brother just came back.”

“Came back?”

“He arrived when you were down at the CT scan, but he left for an emergency,” the man responded. “He just came back a minute after you left the room.”

At the word emergency, (Y/N) jumped to her feet and ran toward the emergency room, new tears forming in the corners of her eyes. It was a word that held too much weight even before the entire picture was shown. After that morning, the girl could only expect the worst.

Her limbs carried her automatically, her brain not registering where she was going until she crashed into someone. “Is someone else hurt?” she managed to croak out. “Tell me what happened, Sam.”

“Hey, breathe, (Y/N),” her brother instructed as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. “No one’s hurt. Okay? It was just an accident.”

“That still doesn’t make things clearer. What accident?”

“Bella sort of jumped or slipped off a high cliff while we were running Victoria all the way up to the Canadian border,” he said. “I had been here for no more than ten minutes when Jared called me and said that Jake had gotten there just in time. She’s fine now. A bit shaken up and cold, but she’s at Billy’s house resting. You don’t have to worry, (Y/N). It’s been handled.”

“So, she almost drowned, and all she’s doing is sleeping it off?” (Y/N) exclaimed. “Why didn’t you bring her here? She needs to be checked out!”

“(Y/N), I need you to calm down, okay? She chose not to come, and you shouldn’t be worrying about this. You should be going home and resting, too.”

“But she’s…”

“You’re in no headspace to worry about other people, Bean,” Sam cooed as he smoothed down his sister’s hair. “Go home, kid. Rest up. We’ve got things from here.”

“But…”

“Go home, (Y/N),” Sue interjected, a kind smile softly stretching her face. “All that’s left here is legal mumbo jumbo. You’ve done everything you possibly can.”

“I just feel like I need to help in some way. Either here or with Bella. I just…”

“You can’t help anyone if you don’t take care of yourself, Bean,” her brother interrupted. “I promise we’ve got everything handled here, kid.”

After much insistence and a lot of back-and-forth, (Y/N) finally agreed to take her afternoon off and head back home. But loneliness was quick to follow as soon as she was by herself. It sank its claws into her throat and started a never-ending stream of tears that stained her cheeks. Helplessness gripped her chest, nagging at her mind and reminding her of all the things she couldn’t do.

Before she knew it, the afternoon had slowly shifted into night, and (Y/N)’s eyes had fluttered shut in the hospital parking lot. Now, with less weight in her heart and a tight knot in her neck, she sputtered her truck to life and started her trip back home, where she would most likely repeat the same process all over again.

When she got there, the house was eerily quiet, and the cold seeped into her bones as though winter was still scratching its way to the surface. But she knew why it felt that way, and she knew it would be like that for a long time.

Other than Sue, (Y/N) couldn’t get Seth and Leah out of her head. Not only had they been sprung into the supernatural world in such a dramatic way, but they had also lost their father and had not been able to say goodbye. She wondered if they were scared or angry, if a part of them felt guilty. She knew she did, and she couldn’t imagine how heavy it had to weigh on their own hearts and minds.

She was typing their house number when her house phone suddenly rang in her hand, startling her. “Hello?” she said through the phone.

“(Y/N), hi, it’s uh, Bella,” the Swan girl stammered in her usual fashion. “I heard about… I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks, Bella,” she smiled sadly, swallowing down the knot that threatened to close her throat. “Are you okay? Sam told me what happened this morning.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It was just a horrible accident,” Bella answered quickly. “But I’m fine now. I was actually calling about something else.”

“Oh. Uh, what is it?” 

“Do you think you could come over right after the funeral?”

“To your house?” (Y/N) questioned. “Why?”

“I think there’s someone you should see.” 

Next ->

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[raisedbythetv89]

I hate all of this “well he was Buffy’s first love!” talk when discussing how much pain and devastation Angel caused in Buffy’s life as if for women our first loves MUST be horrible and painful always???? As if it was unavoidable anyway so let’s not be too critical of him.

First off, HE LITERALLY WASNT EVEN HER FIRST LOVE

The show acknowledges what happens in the movie so canonically what happened in the movie happened to tv show Buffy INCLUDING HER RELATIONSHIP. ANGEL WAS NOT HER FIRST LOVE.

Angel was just the first guy who stalked and targeted Buffy when she was at her most vulnerable and continued to constantly lie and manipulate her for his own selfish gains only to toss her aside once she no longer served her original purpose while continuing to lead her on and show up in her life every time she tried to move on and THAT is why it was so painful!!!

STOP NORMALIZING THE PAIN CAUSED BY ABUSE AND MANIPULATION AS THE SAME THING AS REGULAR HEARTBREAK IN NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS.

I did not have a good childhood, my parents had a horrible divorce when I was 7 and I had never seen a healthy relationship modeled IN MY LIFE - AND YET - my first serious relationship when I was 16 while it definitely had it problems like all young love does (his friends didn’t like how much time he spent with me and his mom both hated me for “taking her son away” but also loved me because she wanted a daughter so badly but only had sons - she was insane lol and we were both teenagers who made stupid teenager mistakes) he was with me for 3 1/2 years and absolutely would have married me if that was what I had wanted.

He would sneak out to see me when I was sad despite his strict parents, always bought me lunch because I would eat what I was sent to school with by 10 AM because I was STARVING because I had an almond mom who never fed either of us enough. Would happily listen to me rant about the twilight books as I read them during that whole phase, WROTE ME A SONG for my birthday (he was actually a talented musician and works as a sound engineer and music producer now) and basically just spent every second he could either with me or talking to me when we were apart. He loved taking me on dates and writing me love notes and we just laughed all the time. He was my best friend as well as my boyfriend and ending that relationship because I had outgrown him was SO PAINFUL because he loved me so much and even during the break up - which I handled HORRIBLY - he was kind and even gave me the birthday present he had bought me because he wanted me to have it even though it was still months away. (I say all of this to try and just show first loves CAN be more than just pain and devastation and if it isn’t making you happy a minimum 80% of the time and you instead just feel sad and confused THAT IS NOT NORMAL AND YOU DESERVE BETTER 🩷)

I know good experiences are not the case for everyone when it comes to first relationships and that’s awful and is not fair because young love SHOULD be innocent and naive. Just two idiots in love who have no clue what they’re doing but just happy to be around each other no matter what they’re doing (like what willow got to experience with Oz in high school) and Angel robbed Buffy of those experiences. He broke her trust of other people and in love and her trust in HERSELF - that’s not her “first love” that’s her first abusive relationship and calling it “her first love” or worse “her soulmate” only serves the patriarchy and harms little girls everywhere who grow up not knowing to look for or expect better because everyone around them and society is telling them “your first experiences with love and sex will be awful and painful and there’s no escaping it” when that is just NOT TRUE at all, especially if you date someone age appropriate in high school. Angel is the first older “man” she dated and like all older men with high school girls do, he took advantage of that imbalance in power in literally every way possible and I will despise that whiney little bitch until the end of time for that and wish he would have just stayed trapped in that hell dimension until the end of time as it is what he deserves.

“True love” doesn’t require severe pain and tears for it to be deep or meaningful. Don’t believe the lies terrible men like jw and so many others feed us.

[futuremrsdrcullen]

This love Came Back To Me - Chapter 3

It's Finally Here!!!! I can not apologize enough for how long this took to get out. But here it is! I hope you love it.

Summery- I was completely overwhelmed with this looming dread. This wasn’t just about Bella anymore. Though that was bad enough, this involved me now. Despite how often Edward disregarded my safety and despite how desperately Carlisle tried to protect me from this;

My life was in danger.

It was never going to end was it?

Word Count- 12,927

Warnings- Vampires- and all the things that go along with vampires (blood, biting, age gaps, sparkling, dramatics) a lot more swearing this time. There's some minor injuries and some very minor character death. mentions of vomiting (2 actual vomits, due to injury) Battle, fighting and planning. It's all very happy I promise.

There is no imprinting and there never will be <3

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this! This is finally my third love child. I started writing this on the 27th of July in 2022. I lost hope a few times but it's here and I hope you love it. Thank you, so so much for staying with me.

As always, I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

Masterlist <3 (Ch 1, Ch 2)

I love you <3 Thank you for still being here <3

“I think I've upset Bella…” Alice said before she threw herself onto the couch next to Carlisle. She had just gotten home from school and normally she came in and gossiped about her classmates, but she was clearly wrapped up in this situation with Bella. 

I let Carlisle take the lead, though we both had to hold back a laugh. “Why would you think that?”

She sighed. “Well she didn't say she was mad, but I told her about the graduation party and she didn't really fight back? And then I thanked her for the gift she's going to buy me, but she hardly seemed phased. And when we started to drive her home she asked what day it was and when I said the fourth that's when she got all weird.”

The date made me freeze too. I turned sharply to face her. “Today is June fourth? You're sure?”

“Not you too…” She groaned. “What is wrong with the date?”

I took a deep breath. “I'm sure it just took her by surprise. Its- it's really close to graduation.” I had to force the answer out. Carlisle kissed my hair. “I didn't realize it was so soon either…”

I was only guaranteed ten more human days with my sister. Only ten days until everything changed and I didn't know when I'd see her again- or any of them for that matter. Carlisle promised to stay with me, of course, but the others would probably leave with Bella and Edward. I didn’t know if I would see them again until I was ready to become a vampire too. 

I shivered and leaned into Carlisle.

“I don't see her changing right away, Y/n” Her face softened as she saw how tense I’d gotten. “She may be determined, but Edward won't let anyone change her until everything in Seattle is settled and even then there’s still the intruder to worry about.”

“We don't know how long that will take. We still don't even know what's going on.” I pointed out.

“That's her point, Dove. She still has plenty of time.” He whispered.

I tried my best to not roll my eyes. Bella was going to push every one of their buttons until she got her way- rogue vampires be damned. I couldn't hope for the best when Bella was involved; I knew I had to prepare for the worst.

“Honestly, I'm just glad she didn't throw a fit about the party. I've planned it all perfectly.” Alice moved on from my worries.

I sighed but didn’t disrupt her joy, “How many people are you expecting?”

She beamed, “Almost seventy, currently.” It was Carlisle's turn to tense, but Alice casually pressed on. “I invited everyone from our graduating class, and Bella's family. Nearly everyone agreed to come too.”

“Seventy? Bella is okay with seventy people being here? Will Jasper be okay?”

“Jasper is around more people at school everyday. He'll be fine.” She brushed me off but Jasper did give me a soft smile in thanks from his side of the room. Alice continued, “Bella doesn't exactly know how many people are coming…”

Carlisle and I couldn't contain our laughter. “That's why she didn't freak out.”

“She. Will. Get. Over. It. I'm excited. This party will be perfect.” Without another word, she got up and floated up the stairs. 

I turned so I could hide my face in Carlisle's chest, though it barely muffled my laughter. He still laughed too and soothed my hair. 

“This is a mess…” As our laughter died my thoughts went back to the beginning of the conversation. It was overwhelming. Between moving in with Carlisle and Bella's graduation looming, and whatever was going on in Seattle, at times it felt like the walls were closing in. 

But Carlisle held me close and kissed my forehead and whispered, “It will be alright. We'll get through this together.” And I believed him. 

~~

The Seattle News had been playing on the TV for over an hour now, though it was too low for me to make out what was going on. Carlisle filled me in occasionally with a simplified version. I knew he was sugar-coating it. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know the truth. They discussed things from the news in hushed voices, but nothing changed enough to please Alice and whatever she was seeing in her visions. Mornings like this often gave me more anxiety than clarity.

Still, Jasper calmed the rest of them and Emmett tried to distract me. Somehow, he managed to get Rosalie to play a game of Uno with us; she was winning.

They turned to face the door seconds before it opened. Carlisle whispered to me that it was just Bella and Edward so I could relax a bit. I was always more at ease when we were all together, but I had to pick on Bella just a bit.

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” I called over my shoulder as they walked into the living room. 

She smiled at me. “Ditching is healthy.”

It made Emmett laugh, “She can just catch this lesson next time.” Which made both Edward and Rosalie roll their eyes. He completely missed it or chose to ignore them. “Want us to deal you in?”

“Rose is winning.”

Bella sat next to me and shook her head, as Edward walked over and handed Carlisle a piece of paper. 

“Did you see that they’re considering a serial killer now?” he asked.

Carlisle sighed. “They’ve had two specialists debating the possibility on CNN all morning.”

“We can’t let this go on”

“Let's go now, I’m dead bored.” Emmett dropped his cards and walked over to Edward. Rosalie hissed at his word exactly as I gasped. The rest of the room was unphased. Emmett muttered something under his breath

But Edward agreed, “We’ll have to go sometime.”

The alternative was letting the Volturi handle it, and none of us wanted that. I also knew how heavily the death count was weighing on Carlisle. They would act and they would probably do it soon. I shivered.

“I know,” Carlisle sighed.

“Oh,” Edward said sharply, turning his head slightly to look at Jasper. “I didn’t think of that. I see. You’re right, that has to be it. Well, that changes everything.”

The entire room froze, staring at Edward like he’d sprouted a second head. I only tore my gaze away long enough to check with Bella, who looked the most confused. 

“I think you better explain to the others,” Edward said, still only talking to Jasper despite the annoyance growing on everyone's face. Edward started pacing and mumbling and Alice joined us at Bella’s side. 

“What is he rambling about?” She asked Jasper. “What are you thinking?”

Noticing the attention on him, Jasper shied closer to Alice, but his eyes danced between Bella and me.

“You’re confused.” He said as if it wasn’t clear. He knew exactly how confused we all were. I chose to not point it out.

“You both need to understand this. Since you’re part of us now.” Bella looked shocked, but I was too confused. He continued, “How much do you know about me?”

Emmett gave up and sat down dramatically next to me. He picked up his cards again though there was no way I could focus on Uno now. He sighed.

“Not much,” Bella admitted.

Jasper stared at Edward, who looked to meet his gaze.

“No, I’m sure you can understand why I haven’t told her that story. But I suppose she needs to hear it now.” 

When Carlisle was met with the same questioning gaze he held up his hands. “It wasn’t my story to tell.” I almost laughed.

Jasper nodded, clearly at a loss as to where to start. He rolled up his sleeve and held his arm out to Bella. I wondered how his arms played a part of this until I saw what his fingers traced.

His arms were covered in lots of little crescent shaped scars.

I gasped and then Bella seemed to get it too. “Oh, Jasper, you have a scar exactly like mine.”

Jasper smiled faintly. “I have a lot of scars like yours, Bella.”

He was polite, but his face was unreadable. Bella’s scar was given to her by James. I’d guessed that she had been bitten, but no one ever explicitly confirmed the events of that night with me. I could tell from Bella’s reaction alone that the same could be said for Jasper. The sheer volume of bites stunned me to silence.

Bella stared up at him. “Jasper, what happened to you?”

“The same thing that happened to your hand,” he answered in a quiet voice.”Repeated a thousand times. Our venom is the only thing that leaves a scar.”

“How?” I wasn’t sure what I was asking. How did he get bitten so many times? How did he survive? But he understood, and started his story.

“I didn’t have quite the same… upbringing as my adopted siblings here.” As he spoke his voice went cold. I hated it. I knew his past was worlds away, but I wished I could protect him from it. 

“You should know, before I go further, that there are parts of our world you haven’t needed to see. In the north it’s easy for us to blend in. We don’t have to fight for territory. We can coexist. But in the south, immortals only come out at night, while spending their days plotting this never ending war.”

“Fighting for what?” I didn’t want to ask, but was glad Bella did.

He almost smiled. “To them, territory is power. They all want the places where they can feed without much notice. If there was one coven, who controlled a densely populated area, they could hunt freely. Each coven would have to fight to keep the land in their control.

“Wars broke out all across the south. Some with more effective tactics than others, but there was one that won out. One vampire, Benito, claimed most of Texas and northern Mexico in a matter of weeks, he was unbeatable.”

“How did he do it?” my voice was shakier than I expected it to be. 

“He created an army of newborn vampires. Newborns are nearly impossible to control. Their thirst is really the only thing that controls them. And they’re just as likely to take out themselves as they are to take out an enemy. He created more as they destroyed themselves and when it came down to a fight, he’d walk away on top.

“When the surrounding covens realized what was happening they created armies of their own, though it was often too late. 

“All hell broke loose- and I mean that more literally than you could possibly imagine. We immortals have our histories, too, and this particular war will never be forgotten. Of course, it was not a good time to be human in Mexico, either.”

“So, as the body count rose to unthinkable numbers the Volturi stepped in to clean up the mess. The entire guard came together and sought out every newborn in the bottom half of North America. They killed Benito first, and sought out his followers. If anyone had a newborn within two thousand miles of Mexico City, the entire coven paid with their lives. Our kind will always remember this too. The Volturi didn’t ask questions. They didn’t offer second chances.

“When the Volturi returned to Italy, the southerners left behind were quick to reclaim land. They were smarter, quieter this time. These newborns were carefully selected and thoroughly trained. And, though rarely necessary, the Volturi will step in to clear out the cities. But they let the quiet ones- the careful ones continue.”

He looked lost in his own thoughts as he stared at his arm. I almost reached out and grabbed his hand for reassurance, but thought better of it. 

“That’s how you were changed.”  Bella whispered.

He nodded. “I lived in Texas, just outside of Houston. I tried to join the army in 1861, but I was seventeen and they saw right through me. I didn’t really want to fight, but I had watched the horrors that had fallen on my community and I wanted to help. So many innocent people died because the confederates didn’t stop to consider how the civilians would be affected. 

“I was young and dumb, but I had a way with people. I had to lie a lot, to get battle plans, or uniforms, but people trusted me. I used that trust to lead women and children away from battlegrounds.

“That night wasn't any different than the rest. I had just led a group of young women to safety and was headed back to Galveston. I didn't want to waste time, I didn't stop to rest. I was maybe an hour out of town when I saw three women walking alone. I was afraid they were stragglers.

“Their names were Maria, Nettie, and Lucy. They hadn't been together long- Maria had rounded up the other two- all three were survivors of recently lost battles. They all had their own goals but they all agreed on one thing. They wanted territory.

“Maria was the one who turned me. Said she ‘had a good feeling’ about me. I didn't know what she meant at the time. Every instinct in my body screamed at me to run. Of course, I didn't know then that running would do me no good. Still, I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. If I had been right and they had needed help, I wanted to help them; I was completely frozen in place. 

“Maria grew quite fond of me- she began to depend on me. And in some ways, I worshiped the ground she walked on. She put me in charge of the army she was building. I still had so little understanding of my powers but as long as I could keep everyone calm and quiet, Maria had use for me.

“For her, I fully trained an army of twenty-three. We fought a group of only eleven and only lost four of ours. And because we were so well trained, we did it without attracting notice. The city changed hands without any human being aware.”

“Maria was greedy and she'd made a few too many enemies. Though things did quiet down for us over time, there are still small battles. Power is a dangerous thing. Many still seek vengeance. They won't easily forget. 

“I made her newborns- dozens at a time- that I then destroyed after a year of each new life. Every life I took weighed heavily on me. Each time, I hesitated more and more. I'd made fast friends with a newborn named Peter. He was strong so Maria let him live and he was in charge of helping me dispose of the rest. As much as it weighed on me, it really took a toll on Peter. And one day he met his mate- A newborn named Charlotte. She brought him back to life, but she ran out of time. Instead of ending her, he told her to run. He took off with her. I was supposed to track them down. I never did.

“Maria was irritated with me for that…

“Five years later, Peter came back for me.” I could tell by the change in his demeanor we were getting past the scary stuff. He was still tense, but he smiled softly at the memory of Charlotte and Peter. I didn't know them, but I was grateful for their part in his life.

“Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I'd never dreamed I had. I walked away without a backwards glance. Maria didn't track me down. She didn't fight for me. I was grateful I wouldn't have to kill her. We weren't close but we'd spent so many years together… I don't think I could have killed her if I tried. 

“I didn't realize how depressed I'd gotten until I was far out of it. Always worse after I hunted. Always tearing away pieces of what soul I had left. I felt the savagery of the newborns for years, the hatred that filled our every battle, but also the fear of every human I killed.

“It broke me…

“I went my own way. I tried so many ways to keep some sense of sanity, but nothing stuck. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline… challenging. I still haven't perfected that.”

I was so lost in his words, I almost laughed. His face softened into a peaceful smile. It was a nice change; one I was grateful for.

“I was in Philadelphia. There was a storm, and I was out during the day- something I was not completely comfortable with yet. I knew standing in the rain would attract attention, so I ducked into a little half-empty diner. My eyes were dark enough no one would notice them, though that meant I was thirsty, and that worried me a little. 

“She was there- expecting me, naturally.” He finally chuckled and so did I. It was clear as day how much happier he was. “She hopped down from the high stool at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly towards me.

“It shocked me. I was not sure if she meant to attack. But she was smiling, and the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I'd ever felt before.”

“You had kept me waiting a long time.” Alice was next to him suddenly, wrapping her arm in his, their fingers intertwining. “And you ducked your head, like a good southern gentleman, and said, ‘I'm sorry, ma'am’. She laughed at the memory.

Jasper smiled at her like she'd hung the moon. My heart melted. “You held out your hand and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing. For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope.”

As infatuated with his story as I was, I knew the reason he told it now. There was an army forming in Seattle. Alice and Jasper smiled at each other as they recounted joining the rest of the Cullens and I struggled to follow along.

I caught the end of something Edward was saying, “When I got home, all of my things were in the garage.”

Alice only shrugged. “Your room had the best view.”

Everyone laughed. I played along and laughed too, but Carlisle could tell it was forced. His hand tightened around mine ever so slightly.

“That’s a nice story,” Bella said. Everyone looked at her like she'd lost it- even me. She quickly clarified. “I mean the last part. The happy ending with Alice.”

“Alice has made all the difference,” Jasper agreed. “This is a climate I enjoy.”

Finally, Alice went back to the point of the story. “An army,” she whispered, “Why didn't you tell me?”

I was glad I wasn't the only one worried. Though I could barely force the words out, I needed to ask, “And you guys plan to face this?”

“We don't have much of a choice, Cara.” Carlisle's voice was soothing as he pressed into my side.

Jasper answered only Alice's question, “I hoped I was mistaken. I hoped that maybe I just saw the similarities because of my past. It simply doesn't make sense for there to be an army in Seattle. No one would want to claim it for power when there isn’t anyone to oppose. No one would even defend it. 

“But I've seen this before, and there's no other explanation. There is an army of newborn vampires in Seattle. Fewer than twenty, I'd guess. The difficult part is that they are totally out of control. Whoever made them just set them loose. It will only get worse, and it won't be much longer till the Volturi step in. Actually, I'm surprised they've let it go on so long.”

“What can we do?” Carlisle asked his son.

I sat forward and placed my face in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees. They continued to make plans. Jasper wanted us to find an advantage. I couldn't really hear past the blood rushing around in my head. I wanted to vomit. I was so sick of that feeling.

“Maybe we won't have to.” Edward’s voice broke through my anguish, though I wished it hadn't. “Does it occur to anyone else that the only possible threat in the area that would call for the creation of an army is… us?”

“Oh for fucks sake…” I whimpered. Carlisle almost laughed at my outburst as his thumb traced comforting circles on my hand. 

There was a silence in the room as everyone took in Edwards words. There were various states of confusion. Bella seemed the most lost. But Edward, Jasper, Alice, and Carlisle seemed to understand the gravity of it all. I just wanted them to say it and get it over with.

Alice spoke first, “They're not coming after us,” she insisted, her eyes dancing wildly. “Or… they don't know that they are. Not yet.”

I couldn't hope that they weren't after us. “What can you see, Alice?”

“Flickers,” Alice answered. “I can't see a clear picture when I try to see what's going on, nothing concrete. But I've been getting these strange flashes. Not enough to make sense of.”

“Like they can't decide if we're worth it? Or they don't even know what they're doing?”

“I don't know…”

“Wait…” We all faced Edward while he tried to make sense of what Alice couldn't. “Not indecision- Knowledge. Someone who knows you can't see anything until the decision is made. Someone who is hiding from us. Playing with the holes in your vision.”

I sigh, “So it has to be the Volturi.”

“But I would see if they decided to come…”

“Unless they aren't acting directly. It has to be them. You said Aro read your mind in Italy, right? And he's always wanted the two of you.” I gesture between her and Edward. “So, he calls in a favor, someone who would do as he says without question.”

Rosalie agreed with me, “Someone in the south… someone who already had trouble with the rules. Someone who should have been destroyed is offered a second chance- if they take care of this one small problem… That would explain the Volturi's sluggish response.” 

“Or their lack of response at all. The only question left is why?”

Despite his comforting, I think Carlisle was just as confused as we were. “There’s no reason for the Volturi-”

“It was there,” Edward interrupted. “I didn’t expect it so quickly- his thoughts were all over the place and the others were… louder, I guess. But like Y/n said, he wants me and Alice by his side. He’d have the present and the future right in the palm of his hands.”

“He would kill the rest of us just to have you two?” Emmett asked. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“But it does, if he wants to weed out the competition. Carlisle has what he wants, a large coven of loyal and gifted followers. If he had someone take us down, sparing only Alice and myself, then we would join him and there wouldn’t be another large powerful coven to oppose him.” Edward added.

It was Carlisle who interrupted this time. “They’re too committed to their mission. They would never break the rules themselves. It goes against everything they’ve worked for.”

“They’ll clean it up afterward. A double betrayal,” Edward’s voice was grim but not surprised. “No harm done.”

“No, Carlisle is right. The Volturi do not break rules. Not to mention the mess. Whoever this is has no clue what they’re doing. This has to be their first time making an army- I’d put money on it. It’s too hard to believe the Volturi are involved. But they will be.”

The stress around the room is palpable- even as Jasper worked to calm the space around us.

Emmett clapped once, pulling focus. “Then let's go! What are we waiting for?”

Carlisle and Edward exchanged a long glance. Edward nodded once. My breath caught in my throat. 

“We’ll need you to teach us, Jasper,” Carlisle finally said. “How to destroy them.” As much as I hated the idea, I knew how heavily it would weigh on him. I couldn’t muster up much strength, but I looked at his face, I watched his eyes, and I squeezed his hand- If only so he knew I was there with him. 

Our eyes met for the briefest moment and he kissed my forehead before returning to the conversation.

Jasper added that they would need extra hands. “Do you think Tanya’s family would be willing? Another five mature vampires would make a huge difference. And then Kate and Eleazar would be especially advantageous on our side. It would be almost easy, with their aid.”

“We’ll ask,” Carlisle answered as he took out his phone. He kissed my hand before pacing in front of the windows. Edward pulled Bella to sit between him and I on the couch. Across the room, Carlisle spoke quickly and quietly but everyone in the room remained tense. 

My eyes never left his face.

Edward groaned from the other side of Bella. “Damn it. Damn Laurent to the deepest pit of hell where he belongs.”

“Laurent?” Bella whispered. I tore my eyes from Carlisle to her. She looked more scared by the name than she had been of Jasper's backstory. 

While Edward read his fathers thoughts, I tried to get her attention. “Which one was Laurent again?”

“James’ coven. Moved to Denali, found me in the meadow.” She shivered.

My mouth formed an ‘oh’ but we focused on Carlisle’s phone call again. I had never seen him quite like this. He was almost begging whoever had answered, but his tone was firm and calm.  

“There’s no question of that,” he was suddenly angrier than before. “We have a truce. They haven’t broken it, and neither will we. I’m sorry to hear that… Of course. We’ll just have to do our best alone.” He hung up the phone without another word. His eyes watched the fog out of the window.

I was on my feet before I even knew what I was doing. My hand found his, he pulled me into him. I buried my face in his chest and he rested his chin on my head. 

“What’s the problem?” Emmett asked.

Carlisle answered, “Irina and Laurent were… romantically involved. More so than we knew. She is still angry with the wolves for their part in his death.”

Edward took over when Carlisle couldn’t go on. “She wants revenge. To take down the pack. They would trade their help for our permission.”

“No!” Bella gasped.

“We would never agree to those terms.” I said, to help calm Bella’s nerves.

“Neither would I. Laurent had it coming,” Edward growled. “And I still owe the wolves for that.”

“So it will be an even fight…” I looked at Jasper and he nodded.

“We may still win. We have the upperhand in skill, just not numbers.” His eyes left mine to only glance at Alice. When he found me again, there was a bit more panic on his face.

If they won this at all, not everyone would come home. 

~~

Edward, Rosalie, and Carlisle went hunting a couple of days later. He expected to only be away a few hours- twelve at the most, since they weren’t going far. The original plan was for Bella to hang out at our house so the three that were staying could keep her out of trouble. She opted out to go see Jacob- which I thought was a better plan anyway.

However, that did leave Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and myself to our own devices.

Normally I would have been very excited for Bella to get a chance to see Jacob, but right that very second, I really wished she was there to at least mediate.

Emmett was laying on the kitchen floor dramatically. “We are in way over our heads.” I giggled as Alice stomped over to him. “How are we going to make over a hundred cupcakes in just a few days?” He acted like we were forcing him.

“It’s only a hundred and forty!  I want every guest to at least have two. Bella’s graduation is important.” She sounded exhausted, not that that was possible- and not that I could blame her, Emmett was kind of acting like a baby.

She looked at me so she could beg with her eyes to get him to cooperate. Jasper just laughed and continued scooping batter into the trays.

Emmett just groaned and rolled over to his stomach. “Go on without me… I won’t make it.”

The glare on Alice’s face was the only thing to hold back my giggles. I would never say it, but I almost agreed with him. We’d been at this cupcake thing for more than an hour and we still didn’t have any cupcakes in the oven. In Alice’s defense, she bought eight cupcake trays and we had two ovens, so once we got this batch in we’d only have to do it one more time to be over her goal anyway.

I decided it would be best not to offer any input for either side. I liked my head exactly where it was. Instead I nudged Emmett with my foot. “All you have to do is crack a few more eggs. Then she might let you off the hook.”

“I won’t even ask you to decorate!” Alice’s tone was sweet- too sweet. I knew as soon as she said it she was up to something. 

I might have been the only one to notice though. Jasper continued with his task and Emmett got to his feet. He grumbled a little more, but continued cracking eggs. 

I’d hoped the moment passed, but then Jasper said, “She wouldn’t want you to decorate anyway.”

I froze, Alice’s eyes went wide.

“Boys-” I warned as Emmett picked up two eggs from the carton.

“Jasper, please don’t-”

“Wanna elaborate, Cowboy?” Emmett pressed. Their matching smirks were the only thing reminding me that while they were only playing, things could easily get very messy.

“I mean… The cupcakes would look like shit if you decorated them.” Emmett threw one of the eggs as soon as the words left his lips. It hit the center of Jasper’s chest with an oddly satisfying splat. “Hey now,” he laughed. “Let’s not start something Y/n will have to clean up.”

I definitely would have made them clean it up, but I kept my opinions to myself.

Emmett gave me an apologetic smile, but his focus didn’t leave Jasper. “I bet I can make prettier cupcakes than you can.”

Jasper’s smirk grew. Alice almost danced with excitement. I caught on to the couples scheme. Poor, sweet Emmett had no idea. 

“Really now?” Jasper’s southern drawl was dangerous. “You wanna place bets?”

Just like that, Emmett took out his wallet and set a one hundred dollar bill on the counter. Jasper laid down two more. 

“Winner takes all?” Now Emmett smirked and held out his hand.

I quickly added, “Loser cleans up!” just so Alice and I didn’t have to piece the  kitchen back together. 

“Sounds good to me.” Jasper shook his hand, then faced me and Alice. “Ladies, Do you want to judge?”

“Absolutely.” Alice said. Her smile matched Jaspers.

“As long as Alice gets final say. It’s her party.” And I did not want to be caught in the aftermath.

Alice and I proceeded to supervise the boys competition. I half listened as she talked through the rest of her party plans and half watched out the back window for Carlisle return. 

It was so easy to be comfortable with them. They always made me feel like I belonged. I was constantly surrounded by this overwhelming sense of family and belonging. Somehow, despite everything, the Cullens felt like family. Like coming home after an extended trip to open arms. Like a part of me missed them before I even knew them.

And like a part of them missed me too.

“I think Bella invited some of the wolves…” The annoyance  in Alice’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Jasper's gaze was on me, a soft smile on his face. I blushed and pulled my focus to Alice. “I can barely see it anymore.”

“Jacob’s coming here?” I asked.

“I guess… Or he’s trying to decide. It comes and goes in flashes. It’s really hard to plan a party I can’t see.”

 Everyone laughed but Alice.

“I think that’s how most people feel, Sweetheart.” Jasper kissed her cheek. 

“I’m serious! I haven’t been able to see anything for hours. What if I’m not making enough cupcakes?”

Emmett looked up. He had icing on his cheek. I hid my giggles with the back of my hand.

“I can make more. I’m in the zone now.” he offered without any prompting.

“You’re the best, Emmett!” Alice skipped over to him and threw her arms around him. Jasper and I made eye contact again and laughed to ourselves.

By the time he ‘ran out of steam’ he had made two hundred and six cupcakes.

Jaspers were a bit prettier but we let Emmett have it for being such a good sport. (and for doing most of the work.) I was still anxiously watching the front door. They talked about something on the TV. I only pretended to be interested.

It wasn’t long before Carlisle had his arms around me. I’d barely turned around before I heard Edwards tires screeching out of the garage. 

Still, I leaned up and kissed Carlisle.

Now that Carlisle was back, Emmett moved towards the garage to meet up with Rosalie. “What’s his deal?” He asked Carlisle over his shoulder.

“He didn’t go into much detail. Something happened with Bella at Jacob's. He said they'd be here shortly.”

My eyes darted to Alice who looked just as concerned as I felt. I wasn't sure if he knew more and just didn't tell me yet. I tried not to panic. 

“I haven't seen anything… Jacob is still too involved. But I'll keep you updated.” She painted on a smile and turned back to the TV. 

Carlisle ran a soothing hand over my arm. “I'm sure it will be alright. How was your day?”

I didn't let his efforts to calm my worry go wasted. I knew Edward would be normally a bit jumpy when they'd get back, especially when Jacob was involved. They were probably right. It was probably nothing. I took a deep breath and answered his question. 

“Alice wanted to make cupcakes for the party. Emmett was kinda a baby about it at first, but the ones he made came out really nice.”

“Well, there aren't any scorch marks in the kitchen.” the corner of his mouth turned slightly upwards slightly. “That is an impressive feat in and of itself.”

I laughed with him. “I supervised!”

“She was great!” Alice added. 

Carlisle’s smile was soft as his eyes met mine. “She always is.”

I, of course, melted into him. I hid the color in my cheeks by burying my face in his chest. I felt his soft chuckle as he held me tighter. I continued with the shift in conversation. “What about you? How was your trip?”

I felt him sigh. “It went smoothly, though it did end abruptly. I think we were finishing up anyway. The quick trip will definitely help in the long run.” I understood his meaning without him having to elaborate. I wanted them to be as prepared as possible, that was all I needed to know.

For just a moment we fell into comfortable small talk about the day's events. Alice complained some more about her lack of visions involving the party. 

Until Alice froze and spoke quickly. “Finally! They're almost here. Bella thinks she's broken her hand.” She focused on Carlisle, “They want you to look at it.”

“I'll go get my bag.” He kissed my forehead and disappeared up the stairs. I went out into the garage just as they were pulling in.

Bella and Edward were already getting out of the car. Emmett was holding up his jeep so Rose could work under it. Somehow, I was unphased. I noticed the way Bella was babying her hand and that took my focus.

I asked, “What happened? Are you okay?” At the same time Emmett asked, “Fall down again, Bella?”

Her soft eyes shifted from me to glare at him. “No, Emmett. I punched a werewolf in the face.”

Shocked, I stared at her. Emmett, of course, burst out laughing. I managed to push my panic aside. “Who? Why?” 

I wasn't sure I actually asked until she stopped glaring at Emmett to answer me. “Jacob kissed me.”

My confusion faded to anger. I had to bite my cheek to contain it. “Why?”

“Because he's an entitled, selfish, piece of-”

From her spot under the Jeep, Rosalie laughed and announced, “Jasper's going to win the bet.”

Edward winced and tried to pull Bella faster into the house but she froze in her spot. 

“What damn bet?” My anger with Jacob shifted back to general confusion, with just a touch of anger. I was already tired of their bets after the cupcake debacle and while I had no idea what they'd bet on, I had a terrible feeling about it.

Bella looked between the boys and demanded, “What bet?”

“Let's get you to Carlisle. Y/n, is he in his office?” I knew he knew exactly where in the house he was and was just trying to use that to shift her focus. I didn't answer. 

“What bet?” Bella insisted.

“Thanks, Rosalie.” His arm tightened around her waist and he continued forward.

“Edward…” the concern was heavy in my voice but it also came off as a warning. I didn't want him to pick a fight with Rose. I also wanted to know about the bet.

“It's infantile,” He shrugged. “Emmett and Jasper like to gamble.”

I rolled my eyes. 

She didn't drop it there. She tried to turn back, but his arm was tight around her waist. “Emmett will tell me.”

He sighed, finally giving in. He probably knew that neither of us would drop it. Bella could get Emmett to tell her, I'd get Carlisle to tell me. “They're betting on how many times you… slip up in the first year.”

The horror on Bella's face matched my own. I suddenly felt like throwing up and wished I had never asked.

Bella repeated his answer to elaborate. “They have a bet on how many people I’ll kill?”

“Yes.”  He sounded annoyed, I couldn't help but agree. “Rosalie thinks your temper will turn the odds in Jasper’s favor.”

Bella looked lost. I was grateful we were still walking towards Carlisle.

“Jasper's betting high.”

“It will make him feel better if you have a hard time adjusting. He's tired of being the weakest link.”

“Sure. Of course it will. I guess I could throw in a few extra homicides, if it makes Jasper happy. Why not?” Her voice was flat and distant.

“I- That's so fucked up actually…” I didn't want to think about what they thought Bella would be like as a newborn vampire. Or that that was right around the corner.

I definitely didn't want to know if they'd placed bets about me.

“They didn't,” Edward answered anyway. “They talked about it, but it's not certain when- or if you'll be like us. Also Jasper thinks you're too much like Carlisle. It wouldn't be wise to bet high.”

I cringed, wanting to throw up again.

He squeezed Bella a bit tighter. “But neither of you need to worry about it now. In fact, you don’t have to worry about it ever, if you don't want to.”

Bella groaned and Edward pulled her a bit faster to the dining room. I didn't think it was her hand that was bothering her, but I was grateful he wanted to get her to Carlisle faster. I was more than willing to be closer to him as well.

Carlisle looked at Bella's hand for all of two minutes before agreeing that it was broken. He wanted to take her to the clinic for a legitimate x-ray and proper cast, but they came to a compromise. She just had to wear a brace and let him check on her regularly. She promised to be good and follow the doctor's orders.

Bella was out of it. Edward fussed over her multiple times, but she wasn't in any pain. Carlisle gave her some pain meds just in case. 

Even as she hugged me before they left, she seemed off. I wondered if she really was just tired or if, like me, the idea of their bet threw her off.

When they were gone, Carlisle walked with me to our room. I was ready to pass out. The weight of the day was finally catching up to me. I couldn’t believe how tired I’d gotten in just the last 30 minutes.

Carlisle laid in bed next to me; both of us on our sides, facing each other, our hands joined between us. We laid there for a moment, just existing together, but my curiosity did get the better of me. 

“Did you know?” I asked, just barely above a whisper.

“About the boys bet?” I nodded and he sighed. “Not exactly. I knew of the debate that started the bet. I knew that Jasper had joked that once Bella was a newborn, he wouldn’t be our biggest concern. However, they knew better than discussing it around me or Edward. I only heard in passing what Edward gathered from their thoughts.” His tone was apologetic, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“I’m not upset with them.” I specified. “They’re just being silly. It’s just… It’s weird to think about what we’ll be like… after.” I felt like my voice sounded as distant as Bella’s did earlier.

“You don’t have to-”

“I know. They didn’t even bet on my… outcome.” I almost laughed. “The idea of it though, somehow makes this all feel more real.”

He did laugh. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” I rolled over to my back and stared at the ceiling. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. “I guess I just couldn’t imagine it before. Like a part of me held on to the fantasy of it.”

“But since Jasper's story… and then today, after they mentioned the bet… It’s like now I can see it. I can see Bella with red eyes and cold skin. I can picture myself like you. It’s just so real.”

I turned back to him and his eyes were on me. I could tell he was analyzing my words, but his gaze wasn’t harsh. He was calm and soft and collected just like he always was- all while trying to decide if I was panicking.

I caressed his face. “I still want this… eventually. Not now-” I smiled softly at him and he smiled back. “But at some point, I still want to be like you. You just have to promise to love me if I accidentally kill people.”

He moved so he was positioned a bit over me, without putting any actual weight on me. “I will always love you, and I think I can manage keeping you in line.”

“That’s good…” I leaned up to kiss his nose. “Someone has to. It might take all of us to keep Bella in line.”

His lips lifted on one side in a half smile that made me melt. “Are you betting high?”

I playfully glared at him. “I am not betting… But if I had to guess, I think Bella is stubborn and she doesn’t really take no for an answer. And if this spring was any indication she has a flair for the dramatics- justified or not.”

He thought over my points for a moment before nodding. “You have excellent points. It’s a good thing there’s six of us.”

“And some overly attached wolves.” I giggled.

~~

“I have nothing to wear!” Bella said into her now empty closet. I sat on the floor leaning against her bed. I started in the bed but as she pulled out all of her clothes I was quickly booted to the floor. “At this rate, I’m graduating in this!” she gestured towards herself and her old sweats and baggy sweater. 

“You will not!” I insisted. “We’ll stop at a store on the way if we have to.”

“We don’t have time!” She glared at the pile of clothes. “Stupid, thieving, annoying vampire!”

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Alice said “What did I do?” while leaning casually beside the open window.

“Holy shit- Alice!”

She just laughed and added “Knock, knock.” with a grin.

“Is it really so hard to wait for me to get the door?”

“Or at least shoot either of us a text first so you don’t give us a heart attack?”

“It’s more fun this way.” Her grin got a touch wider “Anyway! I was passing through and I thought you might need something to wear.”

I giggled as Alice tossed a white box on the bed. Bella looked like she was relieved and also like she might throw up. 

“Admit it,” Alice said. “I’m a lifesaver.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Bella muttered. “Thanks.”

“Well, it’s nice to get something right for a chance. You don’t know how irritating it is- missing things the way I have been. I feel so useless. So… normal.” She cringed. I had to laugh. 

“How could you?” I joked at the same time Bell said “Eww, normal?”

Alice laughed. “Well this makes up for missing your annoying thief- now I just have to figure out what I’m not seeing in Seattle.”

Maybe it was the look on Bella’s face or the way Alice said our two problems so closely together, but it clicked. All of it lined up perfectly. I quickly scanned Bella’s face as she put it together. Her eyes darted between me and Alice as she tried to judge if we’d caught on. I nodded but Alice remained unmoved.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Her question barely had time to settle before she moved to open it for her. “Pretty, don’t you think? I picked blue because I know it’s Edward’s favorite on you.” Bella wasn’t listening. She looked completely dazed.

I stood up and grabbed Alice’s hand. “Alice.”

At the same time Bella whispered “It’s the same.”

Alice didn’t get it. “What is?” she demanded. “You don’t have anything like this. For crying out loud you only own one skirt!”

“No-” Bella cut me off.

“-Alice! Forget the clothes, listen!”

She still hadn’t caught on, her face softened with disappointment “You don’t like it?”

“Listen, Alice, don’t you see? It’s the same!”

“The uninvited visitor, our missing things, the newborns-”

“Yeah! Thank you, Y/n!” She seemed a little less frantic knowing I understood. “They’re together.”

Alice froze, the dress fell from her hands delicately back into the box. “Why do you think that?”

“Remember what Edward said? About someone using the holes in your vision to keep you from seeing the newborns-”

“Right! And I brought up that I thought that maybe they were just curious as they passed through-”

“Then what you said before, Alice. The timing was too perfect.”

“Someone ‘Just curious’ wouldn’t have taken our things.” I added air quotes around my own words knowing now just how wrong I was. “And they were way too careful not to make any contact.”

“Because he knew you would see that.”

“You were right, Alice. He has to know. There’s no chance it’s multiple people who not only know, but are also using the holes in your vision at the same time.” Bella looked at me. Alice was still frozen. 

Bella continued. “The one making the army is the one who stole our things.”

Alice stayed completely unmoving for quite some time. Around a minute in, I sat on the bed, trying my best to mind the pile of clothes. More time passed in silence. I was afraid she'd gone into shock.

Then she whispered, “You're right.” Her voice was hollow and completely detached. I wasn't convinced she was okay. I worried she was panicking. “Of course you're both right. And when you put it that way…”

“Edward had it wrong.” Bella whispered. From where I sat, it was hard to make out what she said. “It was a test… to see if it would work.”

“To see if he could get in, get our scent, and get back out unharmed.” I added.

“As long as he didn't do anything you would be watching out for.” Bella continued.

“Like speak to either of us… or eat our father.” I shivered.

“And he didn't take our things to prove he found us. He stole our scent… so that the others could find us.”

Another moment passed without a sound. None of us breathed. We were right. We had to be right. It was clear Alice knew it too.

“Oh, no,” she mouthed. Alice's stillness quickly became a panic that rivaled my own. Bella somehow looked relieved.

“Well,” she whispered. “Everyone can relax. Nobody's trying to exterminate the Cullens after all.”

Her words confused me. I just stared at her for a beat. “Relax? That's what you got from this?”

“If you think that one thing has changed, you're absolutely wrong.”

I teetered this line of understanding where Bella was coming from and outright disagreeing. This wasn't about the Cullens, which was good, but there was a ravenous army of newborn  vampires after the two of us. If we could just turn ourselves over to them, maybe they'd leave our family alone. “But the Cullens would never let them get to us. No one will back down without a fight.”

“You're probably right- But at least we know what they're after. That has to help.”

“Maybe,” Alice muttered before she started pacing Bella's room.

When Dad knocked on the door both Bella and I nearly jumped out of our skin. Alice kept pacing, unbothered.

“Aren't you girls ready yet? We're going to be late!” I was sure he was more bothered that he had to wear a tie than he was about being late.

“Almost. Give us a minute.” Bella said hoarsely 

His tone changed from frustration to concern immediately “Are you crying?”

“No. I'm nervous. Go away.”

Once he had grumbled his way back down the stairs, Alice whispered again, “I have to go.”

“Why?” Bella and I asked at the same time.

“Edward is coming. If he hears this…”

“Go, go.” Again, Bella and I spoke in unison. I knew that Edward wouldn't have the best reaction, which was easily an understatement. 

“Y/n, can you keep him out of your thoughts?” Alice asked. My eyes went wide, not having considered the issue, but I nodded.

“I can try. I've never done it on purpose, but I’ll really really try.” 

She did not look convinced. “If you can't keep him out, just keep your thoughts busy with literally anything else.” I nodded again trying to plan what to think about for the entirety of the graduation.

“Put that on,” Alice commanded before going back out the window. Bella looked at me and I just walked out of the room without another word- unsure of what to say anyway.

Dad was in the kitchen, looking at the paper, grumbling something along the lines of “-that girl is going to be late to her own damn graduation…” but I couldn't really hear him over the roaring in my head.

Could I just choose to keep Edward out of my thoughts? And, if I couldn't, could I really keep my head busy enough for him not to catch on. 

And, possibly the hardest part, could I sit next to Carlisle for the entire graduation ceremony like nothing was wrong. He would be able to tell the second he saw me that something was off and I would have to be able to still not think about it and not tell him when he asked. 

I poured what was left of the coffee into my travel mug, knowing very well it would not help the pit in my stomach but I hoped it would at least give my brain a bit of a caffeine buzz. As I finished making my coffee, Bella rushed downstairs. Dad complimented her and asked about her dress. She thanked him. She mentioned Alice. 

I wasn't paying attention. 

Once Edward arrived I thought about all of the shoes that I owned. I tried to just think ‘no Edward’ but didn't want to trust in that alone. They just as quickly drifted out to the cruiser. Dad kissed my check on his way out.

“I'll be right behind you guys. I'm almost ready.” I mumbled and Dad nodded but I didn't hear if he said anything. I shut the door behind them and for a second leaned my head against it. 

I whispered to myself as I heard the car pull away. “It's no big deal. It's just an hour- maybe two. I can do this. I can do this.” I breathed a heavy sigh and straightened my dress. “I really hope I can do this.

I turned my back to the door to put on shoes. I looked one last time in the mirror by the door. I opened the door but immediately shut it back. 

Quickly, I ran through the house and made sure every window was shut tight and locked. I made sure the back door was locked and double checked the front door was locked before heading to the school.

I got to my seat mere seconds before the ceremony started. Carlisle had chosen a seat that was next to isle and left the seat next to him for me. My Dad was just behind him with Billy and Jacob. I tried my best to smile politely at Billy. I didn't even look at Jacob.

Carlisle stood and placed his hand on the small of my back as I passed. He kissed my cheek and whispered “You look stunning, as always.”

I mumbled my thanks and it took a single second after I sat down for him to ask, “What's happened? Are you alright?”

I almost let my guard down. My mantra of ‘No Edward. No Edward. No Edward.’ almost paused, but I managed to get a grip. “Nothing’s happened. Everythings fine. I’m okay?”

His eyes squinted slightly, like he was analyzing every syllable in my words.

“I promise I will tell you about it later.” I smiled as best as I could at him. I poked the middle of my own forehead twice before repeating the motion on his.

“Oh,” He mouthed. “I understand.” He didn’t press though his grip did tighten ever so slightly around my hand. I kissed him quickly and Dad cleared his throat behind us. I let myself giggle.

When Principal Greene started the ceremony I repeated every word he said in my mind.

I clapped and cheered when Alice was called. She appeared, accepted the diploma, and disappeared just as quickly; I pretended not to notice. Edward followed after and his general confusion was clear. I continued to clap but my cheering was cut off when his sharp gaze met mine.

His expression didn’t change beyond confusion. I breathed a sigh of relief but sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in my head anyway. Even Jasper walked across the stage just as tense as Alice had been. Carlisle continued to cheer for his family as they graduated again.

As the next names were called he said under his breath, “He’s not sure what, but he can tell all of you are hiding something.”

I said nothing and continued the lullabies in my head.

When Bella’s name was called, Dad stood and cheered. Jacobs cheering was the loudest and though I rolled my eyes, it did make Bella crack a small smile- even if it was a little forced.

I stood and clapped with everyone else at the graduates moved their tassels and threw their caps. The kids started meeting up with their families and friends. I planned my escape route just to get stopped by Dad and Billy. 

Dad asked if I wanted to go out to eat with them, which I could politely decline since Alice had made the party such a big deal. He bought it easily, said goodbye to me and Carlisle, before leaving with Billy and Jacob. Thankfully Jacob said nothing to me the whole time.

As soon as they were gone, Carlisle put an arm around my waist and started to walk with me to my car. He turned his head to face me as we walked, one eyebrow raised. “Y/n?”

“Carlisle?” I’d switched from lullabies to 80s love songs. If he was still in my head, I Wanna Dance With Somebody would have to work as a distraction. 

“Will you please tell me what is going on?”

I shushed him. I doubted anyone could even hear our conversation over the crowd of families but I wasn’t going to risk it now. “As soon as no one can hear us.” I assured him.

The plan was that I would drive separately to the graduation and Carlisle would follow me back to our house after. That way I could help Bella get ready in the morning and then I could help Alice set up after the ceremony. I didn’t think the plan had changed and he walked me to my car like everything was normal. His arm stayed around my waist our entire walk. I figured we’d made it out of the woods without Edward finding out and freaking out.

But as we walked up to my car, Carlisle said, “I understand why you didn’t want to tell anyone in there.”

My eyes shot open and I turned to face him. “She told him? Is he alright? Is he freaking out?”

“He’s… not calm. But he will be alright, Mon Coeur.” He opened my door. “I do hope you have a bit more understanding than your sister, who seems to think that this connection solves everything.”

I didn’t move to get in the car. “I know it doesn’t. I think it’s probably worse…”

“It’s definitely worse.” He drew his lips into a line. “I’ll see you at the house. I will be right behind you the entire time.”

I nodded and kissed him. His car was behind mine before I even left the parking lot.

Alice gave everyone tasks. As soon as we walked in the door we were assigned balloon duty. I could hardly focus on the balloons. I popped three and let go of more than I could count. I giggled everytime they shot across the room. Alice sighed and took the remaining stack from me.

“I think that’s enough balloons… I’m going to get the music started. Y/n, why don’t you change into your party clothes?”

I looked down at my clothes then at Carlisle and mumbled, “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Nothing!” She said quickly. “It’s just that this is a party, and you look like you’re going to a graduation- Oh! I have the perfect dress!” and then she vanished up the stairs.

Carlisle only chuckled once he’d heard me laugh. Edward and Bella came in before Alice came back down. Edward was normally hard to read but his face really gave nothing away as to what he was feeling.

“Edward!” Alice had emerged from upstairs, seemingly unaware how much she’d startled me. Carlisle chuckled and rubbed my arm. “I need your advice. Should we give them familiar and comforting or educate their taste in music?”

“Keep it comforting,” Edward recommended. “You can only lead the horse to water.”

Alice nodded and started the music, placing whatever she decided was too ‘Educational’ in a separate box. 

Bella looked down at her blue dress and mumbled. “I think I’m underdressed.”

“You’re perfect,” Edward disagreed.

“Alice is just over dressed,” I added.

She ignored me and said to Bella, “You’ll do.”

I laughed. Bella thanked her but her voice still had hope when she asked “Do you really think people will come?” Alice made a face at her.

“Everyone will come.” Edward confirmed. I watched Bella deflate. I wasn't too excited about the party, but I was excited to watch Bella try to navigate the house full of people.

Then Alice continued barking orders. I followed along, completing small tasks for her. Bella held on to Edward while we floated around. I doubted he would have let her go, but I also never saw her try. The guys moved as Alice commanded, all while discussing battle strategies for their attack on the newborns in Seattle.

I wanted to throw up.

They still had no backup. Tanya’s family refused to send any aid, and of course there was still no chance they’d change Bella early. Yet they still had every intention to charge in before the army got too close.

Jasper looked about as nervous as I felt. Trying every angle he could think of just to swing the odds in our favor. I hated that it wasn’t looking like a bright outcome. Not to mention they had no idea what they were going to do with me and Bella during the fight.

I didn’t like the idea of staying in forks and waiting it out. I wouldn’t let them divide their numbers by making anyone stay behind. Bella looked like the thought alone would drive her mad.

But then the doorbell rang.

Everything shifted immediately, going from betting odds and battle strategies to teenage house party. The stress melted out of the room, while still clinging to me. Carlisle smiled, Jasper moved to Alice’s side. Alice turned up the music, pointed at me, and mouthed the word ‘change’, before dancing to get the door.

I let out a harsh laugh and kissed Carlisle’s cheek and drifted upstairs to put on whatever it was that Alice deemed party worthy.

I was a bit thankful, actually. Not only to get out of my dress and- with any luck- into something a bit more comfortable. But I was thankful that even for just a moment, I could take a breath and try to push some of the panic aside.

I shut the door behind me and took the biggest breath I could muster; granted, it was shaky and broken. I tried again. And somehow that one was worse. I hoped that with the music and the chatter even the Cullens couldn’t hear my gasps. I moved from the door as fast as I could and sat on the edge of the bed. My hand went to my chest.

I knew that at least tonight we were fine. They weren’t coming to get us tonight and now that we had a more clear picture, Alice could probably see them coming. I didn’t have to panic.

And yet… There I sat. Panicking.

I was completely overwhelmed with this looming dread. This wasn’t just about Bella anymore. Though that was bad enough, this involved me now. Despite how often Edward disregarded my safety and despite how desperately Carlisle tried to protect me from this;

My life was in danger.

It was never going to end was it?

I was shaking and crying before I even realized. I’d been in there for a while when there was a soft knock at the door followed by another that was a bit more demanding. I had just enough time to wipe my tears and sit up straighter before the door cracked open. I saw Jasper's soft blonde curls before it registered that it was him.

“Y/n?” His accent was thick with concern, even as he just said my name. 

“Jasper… I-I” I tried to breathe again. “I figured you were Carlisle.”

“Alice had him step out to get ice. He figured he’d be back before you noticed he was gone. But I heard you crying… thought I could lend a hand.”

I smiled softly at him and he took a small step into the room. He left the door cracked just slightly so the noise filtered in. I took another deep, settling breath.

“Alice might come lookin for ya if you don’t come down soon, but I might be able to stall her a bit longer.”

I almost giggled but it got caught in my throat. He handed me a tissue. “Thank you, Jasper. I really should get down there.”

“No problem. Though, I wish I could do more to ease your panic.”

I sighed, “Thanks for always trying…” I took his outreached hand and he helped me to my feet. I held on to him a bit longer just to make sure I was stable on my feet. I thanked him again.

He chuckled and grinned softly. “Happy to help.”

I turned to let him go but stopped before he could. “Uhm… one last thing?” He nodded. I sighed and my lip trembled. I pushed past it and said, “Are our numbers… completely hopeless?” I had to look out the window and blink back my reamerging tears.

“I wouldn’t say hopeless… I’m just not quite used to playing with the disadvantage. But, I’ve never lost a fight. I don’t plan on startin’ now… Especially not now when my family is involved.”

I pulled my eyes back to his and saw the sincerity there.

He nodded and I nodded and he continued. “Everyone will be alright. We have to be confident.”

I nodded again and mumbled my thanks.

This time when he went to leave I didn’t stop him. I quickly changed into what Alice had laid out, though I did forgo the heels.

I made my way down the stairs. Alice was pointing Carlisle to where she wanted him to take the ice but Jasper took it from him and nodded towards me. I mouthed one last thank you in his direction before meeting Carlisle’s warm gaze. His soft smile and bright gold eyes almost washed my panic away completely.

He saw it anyway and when his arm wrapped around my waist he pulled me close to him. His free hand went to my chin, lifting it so he could see my face better. I felt my cheeks heat.

“You’ve been crying. Has something happened?” His tone was hushed even as he scanned me for obvious injury.

I giggled and shook my head. “I’m fine. I just got overwhelmed.” When he just looked at me with one eyebrow raised, I lifted a pinky. “Promise! It’s no big deal. We can talk about it later.”

He didn’t look happy about it, but he interlocked his pinky with mine before fully taking my hand. We walked into the main room where the bulk of the guests had started hanging out.

He pointed out to me that the largest tower of cupcakes was nearly empty. I was glad they were doing well with the crowd after all the work Emmett and Alice put into them. A few girls walked up and gave compliments to Carlisle about our home. Some were obviously flirting with him. It made me giggle every time. His hand never left the small of my back. 

Everything was going smoothly, until it wasn’t.

Bella was talking with Jessica and Edward, then Edward walked off, just fast enough to still seem natural. Bella looked around for a second and then something caught her eye behind us. I turned and saw Alice frozen in the doorway. She looked like she could hardly stand on her own.

Carlisle froze too. I sharply turned to face him again and whispered, “What’s wrong?” The quiver in my voice was only loud enough for him to hear.

“I’m… not sure. Stay here, I’ll find Edward.”

Two seconds after he walked off and I walked over to where Bella had met Alice, the doorbell rang.

I only caught the end of what they were saying. “I have to talk to Carlisle,”  Alice had said. Then she was gone and Bella said to the space where she’d been, “No, Alice, wait!” before swearing under her breath.

I touched her arm and she still jumped. “Where did they go? What is going on?”

“I have no idea… Where is Carlisle?” I could tell she was just as lost as I was.

“Looking for Edward.” The doorbell rang again. “Should I get that?”

“No.” She started heading for the stairs. I continued to stand there, confused.

“Hey, Bella!” I didn’t expect to see Jacob. As a matter of fact, I’d never expected to see Jacob in my house at all. Definitely after the shit he pulled the last time she hung out with him. But there he was, in my living room with two of his friends. Though it was clear, at least to me, that his friends very much did not want to be there.

Bella also did not want them to be there. She waved back at him when he waved, but still turned and disappeared into the crowd. Jacob disappeared too and I just stood there with my hands in the air.

“I… don’t worry guys. I’ll handle the party hosting. It’s fine…” I said sarcastically and just loud enough that they probably heard. Something was going on, and instead of telling me- or Bella from the looks of it, they ran off to have a secret little meeting.

I scanned the crowd looking for a single vampire or at least Bella, but all I found was the back of Jacobs head. I guessed he was talking with Bella but I did not want to get involved. I had nothing nice to say to him, So I walked away. I moved into the room picking up and throwing away abandoned plates and empty cups. I was in the middle of wiping icing off the table cloth when Alice’s cool hand wrapped around my arm.

“Shit! My god- Alice… you nearly scared me to death!” I put a hand on my chest to try to slow my heart beat. Her face didn’t change.

She looked panicked.

“Alice, what’s wrong?”

“I need you to come with me. Where’s Bella?”

I looked at the crowd again. “She’s over there with-” before I could finish she disappeared, “with Jacob…” I pulled my lips into a tight line, but headed towards where I’d last seen Bella.

Alice was already there, whispering to Bella. They started to walk off with me trailing behind when Jacob blocked their path. “Hey, not so fast.”

Alice and I demanded in sync, “Excuse me?” I glared at him but her eyes stayed wide.

“Tell us what's going on.”

“How about you-” I took a step forward, but Bella held her hand to stop me. 

Jasper appeared next to Alice and I'd never been so excited to see him. Jacob, on the other hand, took a step back. I could barely hold back my laughter.

“We have a right to know.” Jacob muttered, still glaring at me.

I had to bite my tongue. Jasper stepped in between us. Jacob and his friends tensed.

This time Bella stepped in, laughing just slightly to play it cool. “Hey, hey… This is a party, remember?”

No one moved. I glared at Jacob and Jasper as they had a seemingly never ending staring contest. Alice was the first one to soften.

“It's okay, Jasper. He actually has a point.” Jasper did not relax.

“What did you see, Alice?” Bella asked, like she could not handle the anticipation a second longer.

Alice took a moment before her eyes left Jacob and met Bella's anxious gaze.

She answered loud enough for everyone to hear. “The decision has been made.”

“You're going to Seattle?”

“No,”

“No? What do you mean, ‘no’?” I asked even though I had a sinking feeling I did not want to know. 

Bella looked like I felt; Her face paled as she figured out what she meant. “They're coming here?” She choked out. 

“Here?” I couldn't comprehend what they were saying. How could the army come here? The boys in front of me looked equally as confused. Nothing felt real.

“Yes.”

“To forks.”

“Yes.”

“For?”

Alice nodded, in understanding. “One carried your things. Your red shirt and your pillow case.”

“But… they can’t come here. It’s too close. Dad is here- Bella-” My voice didn’t sound like my own. 

“I know,” Alice agreed with more sadness in her eyes than I had the capacity to understand. “But it doesn’t matter where we stop them. There still won’t be enough of us, and some of them will come here to search.”

“No!” Bella whispered.

My eyes locked on Jaspers. Just an hour before, he’d said our numbers weren’t hopeless. I wanted to beg him to have that confidence now. I needed them to find a way to stop whatever end we were coming to. He only watched Alice. 

Bella grabbed my arm and pulled my focus. I felt the world spin. “Then we have to go meet them!” Her voice was shrill.

“Bella!” Alice scolded.

“Hold it,” Jacob spoke for the first time in a long time. He looked caught between anger and confusion. “What is coming?”

Since they decided to talk about it so openly, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to explain but I still whispered. “Newborn vampires. Like a whole bunch of them.” I hated how small my voice was.

“Why?” He pressed.

Alice took over for me. “For Y/n and Bella. That’s all we know.”

“There are too many for you?” he asked.

Jasper was deeply annoyed with the question. “We have a few advantages. It will be an even fight.”

A terrible thought passed through my head. I tried to push it away but Jacob grinned in a way that could only mean he was thinking the same thing. “Jake- no…”

No one acknowledged me.

“No,” Jacob said. “It won’t be even.”

“Excellent!” Alice hissed. I was frozen. Bella was frozen. Alice and Jacob just grinned at each other. “Everything just disappeared, of course. That’s inconvenient, but, all things considered, I’ll take it.”

“We’ll have to coordinate,” Jacob started but all of the noise was overwhelming. Their words sounded like mush. The music was too loud. I squeezed my eyes close and took a few deep breaths while Alice, Jasper, and Jacob casually discussed fighting an army. 

I felt a cool hand brush against my arm though I couldn’t tell whose. I locked our fingers together and opened my eyes to find Rosalie. I didn't know when she’d gotten there but I was grateful she had.Bella was too distracted to notice we’d left.

 Wordlessly she led us out of the crowd and safely into the garage. It was considerably quieter in there. She took me straight to Carlisle's side then she moved to stand next to Emmett. I mumbled my thanks to her as I wrapped my arms around him. While normally, his presence alone was enough to calm my heart rate, at that moment I still felt like I was drowning in panic.

Carlisle said something to the others in a tone too low for me to understand as he pulled me close to him. He kissed my hair. Only when I was completely surrounded by him did I feel like I could even breathe. His hold on me didn’t loosen.

“Find Bella and Alice. End this party on a positive note. We can reconvene later.” He sounded calm. Everyone followed his instructions without another word to either of us. I’d only just heard the door to the garage shut behind them before Carlisle shifted me back and lifted my chin so he could see my face better. “Everything will be okay.”

I wasn’t crying. I could have, at any second, but I was afraid that if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop. He ran a thumb over my cheek anyway. I held it together better than I thought I would, but maybe I was out of energy to fight and panic. I let his confidence soothe me and nodded softly.

I didn't believe him- but I wanted to. I wanted to believe that with aid from the wolves we'd make it out of this unscathed. No one would be hurt. We'd be safe again. But the worry I felt was bigger than me. 

So I just let him hold me. He dulled the ache with soft kisses to my face. He kissed me and held me right where they'd left us in the garage until there was only silence around us. As much as I needed this- as much as I needed him, I could tell by the way he held me that he needed me too. The kisses to my head and face and neck reassured him as much as they did me. When we finally drifted inside everyone was gone. We went upstairs to our room so I could try to get some rest.

Taglist!

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[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 10 thoughts, feelings, etc

back at it again at the krispy kreme friends. i cried this episode for so, so many different reasons. i'll also show you guys my raw reactions at the end of this, the insanity you guys don't see because i want you to respect me a little.

i didn't make one of these last week because i felt like that episode didn't need any words. some things you just need to feel and to talk about them cheapens what it truly is. that's not to say i didn't absolutely love everyone's posts and meta, i just thought anything i had to say could be felt in the episode itself and i didn't need to fumble my way through it.

Day is so at peace with what is going on and it's so beautiful to see, but the fact that he has to comfort his mother, that she's held onto this delusion that magically everything is going to be okay, is pretty irksome. she's had bare minimum a year, i think nearly two at this point, to accept the truth and she just hasn't and now it's biting her in the ass. but once again, this is something so realistic. i literally JUST dealt with this myself with my mother-in-law in October. once again P'Aof captures the truth of people and our natures.

and it's no wonder things have been so strained between Day and Night. she constantly forces Night to be Day's jailer, to escort him to his cell because the warden said so. it's a horrible position for her to put Night in and it's no wonder he feels so alone and abandoned by his family. it's no wonder Day resents him. Night is trying so hard to make them both love him again and he's been trapped in the middle of a war of attrition and paying penance for something that is in no way shape or form his fault. and then to later learn she HAS blamed Night? it's a horrible situation for him to be in, something he never deserved.

this was so sexy of Mhok, as most things are. you should have been there. it should have been you doing that for your SON. you should have taken the time to be there for him, to see that sight with him, to give him what he wants. but you weren't. you never are.

Day's mom stresses about Day's safety but safety is about so much more than a physical state of being. Mhok has done so much to ensure Day's mental safety and well being, he's done so much to improve Day's every day life. but that doesn't matter to her because she always refused to acknowledge things had gotten that bad. in another life Day never met Mhok and i wonder if things took a dark turn. i don't think Day was on a good trajectory.

here we reach bunn cries phase 1. i was so worried here that Mhok meant their entire relationship but i'm glad to see he just meant this chapter. they've started a new book together; no longer one about a caretaker and his charge but a man and his lover. what a gorgeous way to convey that journey. P'Aof i love you, do you know?

Night, i know i wasn't sure about you for a long time but you've really become one of my favorite people this episode. even Night can see his mom taking away Day's agency, can see her taking away everything Day has become this last year. he doesn't want his brother to disappear again, he just got him back.

god Day's bravery here. he's become so confident, so self assured, because Mhok taught him that he could be, that his blindness didn't make him weak. i know i say it every week lately but i'm so PROUD.

FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT. the way she took his phone away INFURIATED ME. you're taking away an important tool of freedom and agency from your FULL GROWN ADULT SON. where the fuck do you get off? and talking about doing things her way under her roof. if it was me i would be out of that house so fucking fast, staying with literally anyone else. the tragic thing is Day doesn't have that option. his disability has left him a victim of his mom's bullshit, given her a huge way to control him. it's disgusting, i'm sorry. i've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for so long but she went way, way too far this episode.

even Night is sick of her shit and knows this is fucked up. Night once again i'm so sorry i doubted you. he knows how good Mhok is for Day and how good they are for each other. Mhok has only ever been kind to Night and i think that has gone a long way in Night's defense of him as well - not that i think he wouldn't have done it without that but i certainly think it has helped.

and what a fucking breakthrough this was. Day once again telling someone 'i see you.' Day is so good at seeing people once he lets go of his preconceived notions an biases. i can't imagine what a relief this was to Night to know it wasn't just his perception of the situation but something other people see and acknowledge. and he brushes it off, says it's because Day's a crying baby, but they both know that's not all of it.

bunn cries phase 2 is here. i BURST into ugly tears at this moment. it wouldn't be bunn meta if i didn't share a personal anecdote so here we go.

ANECDOTE START ->

i mentioned in my last post, prior to episode 9, that my dad was shit. i'm talking had me, an infant, in the middle of a meth den, in the middle of a raid level of bad. one of my earliest memories is a police officer kneeling down and talking to me while i colored in a coloring book and they searched the apartment. (my mom had no idea until a few years ago when a family friend shared this story. he protected me, thank fucking god.) my real dad went on to get clean (as far as i know) but was emotionally abusive among a whole slew of other issues.

when i was two years old my stepdad came into my life. he would've been just 27 at the time. he fell in love with my mom but wasn't sure if he wanted the responsibility of a kid. my mom said okay and broke up with him. they spent months miserable without each other (they've both told me their sides of this story) until my dad said okay, i can do this, and came back. and you know what? he was amazing. he didn't always get it right but he tried. he stayed up and read me The Hobbit and did silly voices for the dwarves and sang the songs and tucked me into bed and he loved me. (we have matching tattoos from that exact copy of The Hobbit, which i still have tucked away safe.)

we butt heads SO MUCH my teenage years. he had a temper and i was depressed and angry and dealing with so much teenage bullshit. but he still took me to breakfast every sunday, just the two of us, and we'd go see movies together. sundays were our day. he always called me his kid and people joked that somehow magically my mom had his kid before even meeting him. we even look alike. we have all the same tastes.

now as an adult we get along really well. (we still butt heads but it's bc we're exactly alike.) he and my mom have been together almost 30 years. he recently came into my office, a little tipsy, and hugged me and spent almost an entire hour telling me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, how grateful he is that he had me as his kid, how having me is better than any blood child they could've had. (they tried for years but my parents were never able to have any kids.)

<- ANECDOTE END

some of the best family in the world is those that choose to be your family. i was never his responsibility, not really, but he put everything into being my dad. from just this little statement from Night i see so much of my dad in this moment and i couldn't fucking take it.

Night, i love you. i love you so much. he says it so effortlessly, so confidently. what a man.

so i acknowledge here that their mother is finally starting to get it. she's starting to get things right. she even makes Night's favorite food and makes sure he knows he's loved. she takes the time to try and understand Day, to blindfold herself like Mhok did, etc. and i acknowledge it takes people their own time to come to terms with things, to accept things, and maybe her journey of acceptance was a little longer than others.

however.

this scene shows that she always had the option to cancel. she could have always done this for Day. she could have been there. she could have taken him to the mountain and seen the sunset with him. i have to wonder if Mhok's comment really got to her, i have to believe it did. i think she finally realized that she can no longer be the one that's blind. she has to see reality. it's a big step for her and i'm happy but i'm still so annoyed it took this long for it to happen. but hey - parents fuck up. they do. they fuck us up, even if they don't mean to. once again it's something very, very real from P'Aof, even if i don't like it.

my first knee jerk reaction to this moment was wow, she's infantilizing Day again, but then i sat and really thought about it. in the context of this moment, i think this is okay. sometimes it's just nice to be cared for and Day seems completely receptive to it. fuck, i'm 31 and sometimes i just go curl up with my mom and let her pet my hair, sometimes she makes me my favorite food because she knows i had a bad day, sometimes she babies me a little because she knows i'm having a bad day with my disability.

not everything is infantilization. sometimes it's love and care, the only way they know how. sometimes all you want is a parent's familiar love from years ago. so in the context of everything, i think this was a really nice moment to see, Day taking comfort in his mom's love again.

and despite everything Day still managed to see Mhok, to show him he cares, he thought of him, and wouldn't leave him alone. and then he gives him an oven mitt he made himself, he painted himself, because Mhok took him to learn to paint without his sight. they're so fucking beautiful, so kind and gentle and loving to each other. they're so fucking considerate. Day says you're my sun, i believe in you, i'm proud of you, i support you all in one seemingly simple gift.

i'm reserving my thoughts from the preview for next week but i highly doubt things are going to turn out the way they seem to be teasing. i'll wait to see what happens.

as always thank you so much for reading my rambling bullshit. smooches, take care of yourselves, drink water, take your meds, eat something.

tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

oh yeah here are my raw reactions before i take the time to really think about everything i've watched.

[taylortruther]

Sometimes I wonder yk if YLM was never released, would the public perception of Joever be very different today?

I remember a lot of people were actually buying the 'mutual breakup' theories before that bombshell of a song dropped, and ever since then everyone's jumped on to the "Joe Alwyn is the villain" bandwagon.

Obviously that might be true, we don't know anything as of yet...but that's exactly it, we don't know ANYTHING, and we're making vast assumptions based on that one song.

A lot of people will tell you on here that Taylor doesn't like us speculating who and what her songs are about, but in the case of YLM I think she very obviously meant to send a clear message.

The song wasn't even widely available, and she knew that only die-hard fans would have access to it before she fully released it. I think Taylor really wanted US to know, and that's it. There's really no other explanation for it. The wound was still fresh, and she didn't want to make a spectacle out of it.

You pointed out that she hates being misunderstood, and that's a great point. Ig she was seeing all these ludicrous theories floating around about the breakup...and decided to immediately tell her side of the story to put it all to rest.

She was also closing the Midnights chapter with that song which is very interesting to me for a different reason. You see, Midnights as an album was essentially supposed to document the stories of 20 sleepless nights spread out through her life. We all know this. Now the popular theory is that each of these 20 songs are referring to periods of her life in the PAST. They're juggling themes of lost love, growing up, revenge and clarity and finally her happy ending with Joe.

If you hadn't heard of the breakup, you wouldn't be able to tell it happened just from hearing Midnights. I feel like each and every single song in Midnights is related to a phase in her life chronologically preceeding YLM.

Regardless of when YLM was actually written, the song itself documents the twilight of a once great love story that's currently fraying at the seams. Taylor was in the Lavender Haze throughout all her previous nights, eyes closed, world blocked out...YLM was her waking up.

It's the most recent night, and maybe even the one she was living through when the album came out. The rest of the album is her processing her past, and YLM is the bleak reality of her present. In this context it's safe to say that she was holding onto the glory of the relationship through songs like Paris, Sweet Nothings and The Great War...other sleepless nights of her life and juxtaposing it with her current one.

I don't think Midnights would feel complete without YLM. I think she desperately needed to get that one out.

this was a really enjoyable read from start to finish, anon, thank you for sharing! i agree that our communal perception of joe would be different without YLM. she knows that. that's why it felt so pointed! it really, strongly feels like taylor is sending a message with YLM (some may disagree ;)) and i think it's very much her way of saying, "now that homeboy's not my homeland anymore, i have nothing to defend. here's the truth."

[blueikeproductions]

So the Pokémon Giga Leak happened and the thing that stuck out to me was leaked planning documents for HZ and various separate animation projects. I don’t want to discuss the leaks that show the future road map to HZ’s ending though, it’s the preproduction stuff that strikes my fancy.

I’ve been very upfront in not liking HZ, as the plot and characters never felt right for the main line anime. They felt more suited for Twilight Wings type stuff, and apparently I wasn’t far off.

One of the earliest phases was a movie, apparently they’ve been trying to push forward with a “movie universe reboot” post Pokémon Coco in an attempt to bring back lapsed adult fans, but nothing has gotten off the ground. There were rumors prior to this leak of a Liko movie, but nothing ever surfaced, so I’m guessing leakers found scraps of the original movie pitch and went wild.

That it was originally intended as a movie makes more sense, as the continual stretching out its main plot beats across the usual three year anime life span doesn’t work. It’s the same problem Digimon Tri had, unnaturally stretching out and waffling on its Meicoomon plot, annoying and confusing fans until they finally decided to kill her off as was originally intended. (Apparently the writers wound up liking Meicoomon and didn’t WANT to kill her off, creating one of the problems.)

As such the Terapagos plot and the general treasure hunt/Castle in the Sky vibe it has fits a movie plot far better. I’m not super sure if the Six Heroes were involved in this phase, but they’d make the script too bloated if so.

The concept then became the basis of the anime instead, but during development it was intended to continue using Ash as the main protagonist, lining up with previous rumors I’d heard from Japanese fans. These rumors stated Ash was to go to Paldea and meet up with two students, some prototype versions of Liko and Roy. It would appear in this version of the story Ash was intended to remain business as usual but late in development he was cut, intending to start fresh instead.

Taking it at face value, as HZ is functionally a continuation of JN’s globe trotting gimmick, I wonder if Ash would’ve taken a break from battling and just become an Adventurer. The original story map didn’t include battling in the Gym challenges, with the school arc we got being the result of executive meddling, but if they kept using Ash, would they have included the Gym challenge anyway… Also Amethio’s early rivalry with Friede makes far more sense if you put Ash in Friede’s place, which makes me think Amethio was conceived with Ash in mind, and is why he doesn’t really vibe well with Liko and Friede: he was never meant to be THEIR rival.

Also a big complaint is the lack of capturing other Pokemon, and how fans keep insisting everyone needs to get six Pokemon, but the show has stayed consistent so far on only keeping two Pokemon each. So does that mean in Ash’s case he would’ve had Pikachu and a spare? With Friede being Ash’s stand in, it stands to reason Ash might’ve had Charizard too, but with ATBAPM seeing Pidgeot return, I wonder if the original intent was Ash using Pidgeot as his secondary.

I mean it makes sense, long time fans have wanted Pidgeot to return, & the old children’s chapter books in America had two original stories that saw Ash keeping Pidgeot and using it, throwing a bone way back then. In an adventure setting, Ash riding on Pidgeot and using it more extensively to help with Explorer and Team Rocket stuff would be a great way to reestablish it. Also with Ash having obtained Mega Evolution, and Mega Evolution returning once more in the anime anyway for ZA synergy, we could’ve gotten Mega Pidgeot ideally. Ash’s removal is still weird, as lining up with other interviews and comments, it sounds like they intend to bring him back anyway. Some writers have apparently said outside the leak they were considering bringing him back for HZ, confusing the matter further. Adding on to this, despite Ash and other familiar characters not being present, the leaks confirm Liko’s thing not only is still happening in the Ash anime, but it actually happens in-universe immediately after JN. (This leads to a minor technicality, as ATBAPM is treated as its own thing, so does that mean Ash’s Latias story happens alongside it or it hasn’t happened yet?) The notes also mention an idea to include Iris at some point, but she’s older… That doesn’t really make sense with the provided time frame, but a couple year time skip is referenced after the kids capture the Six Heroes, so maybe Iris appears after that? It’s not clarified, nor does it help that Brock appears in the document but doesn’t seem to be included in this guest appearance otherwise.

Anyway Ash’s departure is still strange as it’s the result of the staff having waffled for years on continuing to use him, and they decided to finally put their foot down. Ok that’s fine. Then they decide to not definitively call this the end, avoiding finality like language, leaving it wide open for Ash to come back. So… the staff was wanting to move on for years, finally decided to, but plan to bring him back anyway, negating … all of this.

Then why not just keep him? Ash is the mascot alongside Pikachu and heavily ingrained in pop culture like Optimus Prime. It honestly feels like with this continued waffling, they’ve unintentionally set up Liko to be the Rodimus Prime martyr for if and when Ash returns. Whether any force in the universe can stop Ash remains to be seen. Also that makes it worse for Liko, as if Ash does guest star in HZ, it’ll suck all the oxygen out of Liko as fans will be far more invested in what HE’S doing, negating the whole point of getting people invested in a new character. And they know it!

This feeds into pry HZ’s chief problem: apparently the show’s unusual chaotic story structure is the result of the anime staff studying fandom reactions week to week, with the show being driven by that alone instead of the plot or characters.

-rubs temples-

Ok there’s a reason the Ash formula worked, and after using it for 25+ years you’re pretty much married to it. If you have to constantly guide the new show based on fan feedback only that tells me, coupled with Ash in the back door, that they had zero faith in this new idea, and the continued waffling has led to the show’s subpar production and performance. Even Game Freak staff in leaked notes have expressed dissatisfaction with the new direction, admitting it’s bad and confusing, with the main plot being sluggish. They also pointed out how little stuff like the Titans in SV are being used, if at all. Pokémon is a toyetic anime like it or not, you kinda have to properly advertise and use new Pokemon to get kids and veterans into them more. That’s why several of Ash’s and Team Rocket’s Pokemon are fondly remembered, vs here where the show outright admits in universe they completely forgot about Roy’s Kilowattrel.

This bizarre behind the scenes drama might be why other animated projects that were supposed to be out by now seem to be paused or outright cancelled until either another leak or official announcements say otherwise.

This loops back to the movie problem, where the only Parallel Ash movie that did well was I Choose You, while Coco and Power of Us shunted Ash to a supporting role and the new cast and stories didn’t wow audiences. Neither of these movies are fondly spoken of, or even remembered, with even in post COVID, Coco seems to have been forgotten entirely.

The aforementioned push to capture lapsed ADULT fans lined up with some chatter I’ve heard previously where TPC seems only interested in targeting us, and not kids. Which is utterly ridiculous because kids are still super into Pokemon 20+ years later. I can’t walk by families in stores without seeing some kids wearing Pokemon clothing or buying merch. I over heard one boy sad he couldn’t find any Pokemon Journeys books he was looking for, while a girl was looking for Pokemon books at the library, and the library just threw out its well read Ash themed books.

Like are Japanese kids not invested as much anymore? Is that why they’re targeting adults? I guarantee that’s not gonna work in the long run going by Digimon and Transformers’ own current struggles to remain relevant with children and its own fickle audiences.

That’s where the other adult oriented pitches come in. After HZ was shunted into being an anime, they tried again with a pitch about cyber bulling and suicide, something that sounds more like a Digimon plot for their Adventure sequel films. The concept art sees a girl riding Pidgeot in what looks like a virtual space in an upside down world being chased by Aerodactyl pouring out of a cyber portal. Like replace the characters with Sora, Birdramon and Pteranomon, you have something that works. For DIGIMON.

They tried again with a more grounded plot about a teenage boy investigating a mystery related to (a shockingly violent) Mew, with a sequel tease involving an ominous Mewtwo observing events. This was fleshed out more and seems otherwise completed script wise, but it’s stuck in development hell. Having read it, it reads like the live action Detective Pikachu somewhat, and others who’ve read it have said the same. It also sounds kind of … boring. I don’t know if Ryan Reynolds would help here but it’d be a start.

It seems both films were only intending to use Kanto Pokémon, not helping complaints of Kanto pandering, but despite this, a new Pokémon seems to have been toyed with, as an unidentified dog like Pokemon crops up in the cyber world concept art.

The only other noteworthy thing is a 12 episode “all ages” kids anime intended for Netflix, but other than the Twilight Wings studio attached to it, there’s no character or plot details. It seems to be in an unknown status, which doesn’t bode well.

Until something official comes out about any of these projects, I’m leaning towards them all being cancelled due to creative differences.

So what’s my take away.

Removing Ash was the worst decision they made and I think. like with Hasbro and Good Boi Megatron, they’re slowly realizing they done goofed. Liko, Roy and Dot SHOULD have worked and on paper their story is interesting, but the writers just keep messing up. Maybe just get new writers/director, crack a whip, I don’t really know what to suggest here. The new kids haven’t been treated well at all in both ends and that really sucks.

Talk of letting him return and keeping the anime within the same universe seems to be a fail safe to do so if they need to. Continued fan demand/preference for Ash dominates especially in the US, where children’s books and activity books being published now in 2024, as of typing, are STILL Ash, going back and adapting later Journeys material. Some reports, anecdotal & recent pre Giga Leak, suggest the US heavily influences what Pokémon does, and with America side stepping Liko in merch right now in favor of Ash might guarantee a return. Emphasis on MIGHT, but TPC is fully aware of the demand, and increasing backlash at Liko’s character development, as of the school arc, isn’t endearing her to anyone still.

I think the situation should be as follows, and some past stuff implies it, that despite being in the same universe, HZ shouldn’t use Ash or any of his friends.

At all.

That will further undermine the struggling HZ cast, and it’s far healthier to just let the Rising Volts ride off into the sunset; and going by what I’ve read and heard for their story map, eugh, let LDR have that dignity of riding off.

My current theory, based on the leaks and what we’ve seen before that, is if Ash returns full time, it’ll probably be Gen 10. That’s pry the best way to start clean with him again, and going by internal complaints, I wouldn’t be surprised if the anime stops the Journeys formula and returns full stop to the loose game adaption with any upcoming new gimmicks and Gym matches intact.

All attempts to start over fresh seem to be imploding, so swallow your pride, and just accept the fans and kids want Ash and all that entails back. You tried a new direction but couldn’t commit to it well and now the dirty laundry is out for everyone to see thanks to a phishing scam. If you don’t want to go back to Ash, I’d personally recommend getting the PokeToons team to pick a kid from their shorts like the Nidoran girl, and make a new main line anime based on that. People seem on board with PokeToons, so that’s a start.

But until something is officially announced, I’m leaning towards the next anime being a compromise: Ash, Dot & a new kid that’s technically the new lead but not really.

Because if TPC is aiming at us only now, then veterans have spoken and majority would rather have the immortal 10 year old back over what we’re currently getting. For now let’s let LDR ride off when their time comes peacefully, be it next year or the year after, and go from there.

Despite it all, there’s really no easy answer to this, all we can hope for in the context of the anime, is they figure out something that works, either being the familiar Ash or a new kid with a smoother introduction. We don’t know until they try something.

[taldigi]

How many Felixes are there in the Lady Bug universe?! What is the difference between Felix Agreste from Lady Bug PV and Felix Sphinx? did they have different characters and personalities? How are they different and how are they similar? Was Felix always a morally gray character (anti-hero/anti-villain) or is there still a version where he was an antagonist, sociopath or Marinette's arch rival?

LOl ok slow down.

Maybe in mini-menace there might have been a rivalry. Chat is only present in one cover, and another cover where he is implied to be hunting ladybug via the black cat and ladybug.

However, My favorite idea is that chat noir may be the detective investigating Ladybug for her vigilantism and/or involvement in the gang involved in the murder of her parents.

Since then, Chat noir was always designed to be her partner.

even if that "partnership" is less than ideal on Marinette's (Or Nathan, as I like to call this version of Chat) part. This dynamic was phased out pretty quickly, about the end of the QK phase of development.

There is no "Felix Agreste" the PV "Felix" is actually Adrien Nanty. (Felix Nanty, if you want to stick the felix name.) His father was actually a hotel baron (think chloe's dad sans the mayorship) and his mother was present and doting, especially due to his disability. (That whole narrative is really ableist and deserves its own breakdown) And he's actually quite sweet, as depicted in a ton of the bibles as thinking fondly of Marinette and turning to her for advice quite frequently. He's also depicted as wanting to be a doctor, so he funnels all his free time into studying. (Which is most likely what he was doing in the library during PV)

Not to say that his name was never "Felix", because it was. But by the time PV rolled around, his name had been changed to Adrien.

Felix Sphinx is the idea that If Adrien -> Gabriel, than Felix -> Richard. And Richard Sphinx -> Felix Sphinx. He's an interesting villain who fills that shitty father role way better than Gabriel. (who was actually really pompous and silly in his first incarnation after they phased out Richard)

How many Felixes are there in the Lady Bug universe?

One at a time. Be it Nathan, Adrien, or Felix himself. The character went through tons of development. Felix Fathom is not a "Felix" because he is not Chat Noir. He is a new character, original to the series like Kagami and Luka.

What is the difference between Felix Agreste from Lady Bug PV and Felix Sphinx?

Agreste's dad is Gabriel, Sphinx' Dad is Richard Sphinx. PV Felix' parents are not shown, but it is most likely he is Adrien Nanty, who's parents are alive, not evil, and own a hotel. However, since the identity of Papillon is kept a mystery in all media (including Canon for a time) it is possible that pv Felix is Sphinx. But the characters are similar enough that it could be interchangeable. Who knows.

did they have different characters and personalities? How are they different and how are they similar?

Yes. But not in the way you think. Nanty and Sphinx liked Marinette. Nathan found her annoying. Adrien did not have an opinion on her for a long time- (esp if we are to base it all on episode 1/introducing the characters, Adrien was indifferent and distant)

Was Felix always a morally gray character (anti-hero/anti-villain) or is there still a version where he was an antagonist, sociopath or Marinette's arch rival?

Err... Morally grey, maybe in QK stuff and canon. Where he aims for ladybugs affection instead of being a hero. Antagonist maybe in Mini Menace. But sociopath? Canon maybe. Adrien frequently throws tantrums and threatens people, is viciously jealous, and has threatened and blackmailed plagg at least three times (remember kuro neko where feeling left out > his relationship with Plagg) but, again, PV era Felix/Adrien isn't an asshole or a jerk. He just has teenage angst and suffers from the twilight sparkle disease of "stop studying, make some friends, and touch grass" jfc.

Look, I know people are super ride or die on "cursed ring needs a kiss" stuff but there is more evidence to the contrary. The artbook is a great resource, but it was made by another company, and the curse is never mentioned anywhere else. I don't doubt that there was a phase where they did consider it, but it vanished so quickly that it was mentioned only once and then disappeared. Yet nobody uses other details like.. him wanting to be a doctor... Or his boxing... Or him being super into art... Or even his love of BMX. Yeah.

Anyway. Hope this helps.

[smuttyfandomgalore]

Another twilight ask! I’m really in my vampire phase!

But what about Emmett meeting the sister of the witch twins and discovering she’s his mate. Like she’s older than them but is still really tiny so emmett loves the hugest difference between them. Much like her siblings she’s gifted Alec can take away your senses, Jane causes pain but she can give you unending amounts of pleasure and that’s something Emmett thrives off. Especially when they’re getting down and dirty like this boy loves the fact that he can be anywhere doing anything and all she has to do is think about giving him pleasure and he’s on her in a flash.

Whether he’d dark/yandere is up to you but I think Emmett would have so much fun with a mate like that especially when he’s the one who embraced the life of a vampire the fastest.

~🏛️anon

AN: So happy for your requests. Emmett would love this a little too much !!! Hope you like it x

NSFW

“You would think after being married for a decade, this would wear off?” Edward’s annoyance was plain to see as he watched Emmett speed from the room. If they looked closer; they would notice his fat cock hardening against his pants but thankfully he was moving too fast. The desire for you was seemingly never ending.

“What do you mean?” You heard Bella ask before you ran. Emmett always enjoyed a chase. Your giggle gave you away as you jumped over the branches; so close to escaping when his larger arms wrapped around your waist. “Hmm, I thought you were not coming.” You couldn’t help but tease.

His deep chuckle moved over you and you found yourself relaxing back into him. His larger hands move up and down your sides. “”I’ll always come to you.” Emmett whispered his promises into your ear before softly mouthing at your neck. You couldn’t help your head lolling to the side and giving him room.

His words had you nearly purring as you finally turned around in his hold. He was a sight for sore eyes, you thought as a soft smile came over your face. “I’ve missed you.” You whispered as he leaned closer. His soft lips brushing against your own before the act became passionate and wet.

A giggle escaped you once more as he picked you up. Your legs wrapping around him as your power hummed just beneath the surface like it always did. Emmett enjoyed it a little more than he should; ever since you had first met. “Do you remember our first time?” You purred into his ear.

He only growned; those memories flashing between you both as he roughly pushed you against the tree. It began to creak under his strength and before you knew it; the delicate dress was torn to pieces and on the ground. A soft gasp escaped you and you could feel your wetness soaking your inner thighs.

God, you had missed him, you thought to yourself as your hand gently moved to the back of his neck. You brought him closer for your lips to find his own once more. The moans coming from you both echoed as the pleasure wrapped around you both. It had your stomach tightening even more.

Your fingers brushed into his hair as the kiss only deepened. Your tongues are moving to dance. At that moment, Emmett moved his hand into his pants and pulled out his already hard cock. It was already leaking from the pleasure you were pushing onto him whilst you rubbed your thighs in anticipation. 

“Fuck, how does it feel even better?” Emmett hummed as he burrowed into your neck. Your mouth watering scent brushing over him as his fat cock brushed through your spreading out lips. His head pushed against your clit again and again, which had your body jolting in intense pleasure.

You were glad for stamina because you could feel your climax building before he even pushed inside. “Emm…” You whimpered out. Your lips parted in a silent moan as inch by inch his cock bottomed. You moaned and rocked against him whilst he only kept still. His thickness had your walls clamping down on him.

“Fuck, that’s it…” Emmett purred. His own eyes nearly rolling back as you tugged onto his hair. Your eyes locked onto each other as a whimper escaped you once more. Your legs shaking as he picked you up again. The different position had him pushing deeper; his fat head brushing against your spongy spot.

“Oh go – I ..” You moaned nonsense as your toes curled in pleasure. Your wetness dripped down his length and made it so much easier for him to slip inside you again and again. “How did I get so lucky?” He whispered into your ear and had you melting against his body once more as he began to rock.

“Shh, you have me now.” You whispered up to him. Your hands brushing against his muscled chest as you nearly purred. Gods, he felt so good. Like he was made for you just as you were for him. His hips slowly began to rock; speeding up as your soaked walls fluttered around him some more.

Your soft, ample breasts began to bounce with his movements. Your head falling back against the tree as you tighten your legs around his waist. Emmett’s hot mouth was moving down your neck; his free hand reaching for your breast to roughly palm at you. His fingers flicking your pebbled nipple.

Gods, he was going to bring you to your release quicker than you realised. He began to moan as he sucked on your breasts; teeth grazing your skin when you pushed more of your power onto him. You couldn’t let him win..not this round anyway. The squelching of your wetness was obscene.

Emmett growled; knowing what your plan was and his thrusts only quickened. The sound of your skin slapping together only became louder. The occupants of the house not far would be having an earful. Not that you cared as the pleasure only moved through your body at such a fast pace.

Your hands moved down his back; moving in his jeans to grab at his arse. You began to palm him; pushing him deeper as you envisioned Emmett losing control. Your power took hold of him easily as he began to shake. You could feel his fat cock throbbing inside your weeping pussy; pushing you to the edge as well.

“So good..” You whispered your praises; knowing how it got him going. His body brushed against you as his hand moved to the tree now. His head resting on yours as your power pushed him to his climax. His cum floods you as his hips continue their thrusting. A smirk of satisfaction pulled on your lips.

Emmett growled in annoyance at being bested by you once more and he had flipped you around in a second. You softly gasped against the tree as his cock slipped out before pushing back into your fluttering pussy. “Always cheating.” He gasped out into your ear as he looked down.

The erotic sight greeting him only had him thrusting harder. His thrusts were deep and quick; bullying your soft spot until all you could do was gasp out. Your power becomes harder to control as it is wrapped around you both. “Yes! Yes – there..” Your cries of pleasure echoed as you squirted around his cock. Still, he continued.

[come-on-darling-honey]

Paul Lahote head-cannons

[some x reader head-cannons towards the end]

-he welds, this is a job that his family kinda all do. His father, grandfather all weld. HOWEVER he creates art and sculptures in his breaks. His welding is an art form, yet he is too scared to call it art.

-before phasing he hated the forest, he could never remember his way home and it always made him uncomfortable. But since phasing he adores it. He goes on hikes constantly, a personal goal of his is to hike in every national park around the country.

-he has three brothers and lives with his dad, none of them are home for long but they all love each other deeply, even if no one mentions it. His mother sadly passed away in hospital when he was 14.

-he'd never had a relationship before phasing since he was so young, all he remembers from the first shift was just pain and anger.

-he hates the idea of an imprint, unless its on the one person he grew up loving... but he'd never admit to that... (possible fic incoming)

-listens to a mix of classic rock and indie/country

-lives and breathes his leather jacket, it was his grandfathers.

-everyday after school he'd go to his grandparents home, he'd spend hours with them. He now takes his grandfather on hikes with him.

-his favorite snack is his grandmas granola, its amazing.

-on your first date its a small hike to a local river, there are flowers everywhere, the pair of you sit under a willow tree and talk for hours.

-despite this mans love for hiking he doesn't own a pair of hiking boots!! its killing you! he hikes in an old pair of vans, please get this man a pair of hiking boots even if he heals super fast it just can't be comfortable.

-he doesn't get angry at his partner, he was raised in a loving household and idolized both his parents and grandparents loving relationships. He sees his partner as an equal, he just gets protective other his pack brothers, family and significant other.

-has zero physical preference, he used to lie to his friends and make up a type but he genuinely doesn't know. It used to confuse him but he knows now that he loves someone (wonder who) for their kindness, stubbornness and the constant ability to always fight back.

-his grandparents are the only ones in his family who know about his phasing, he wont let his brothers know, as the oldest child he feels responsibility.

paul’s pinterest board

{this is part one in my twilight head-cannons series! Stay tuned, stay safe and love each other, I love you- em x}

[shiroandblack]

[TW: abuse, suicide, incest, matricide, pyrophobia, underage sex, Freudian mother-son relationships, mental illness, SA]

PART II OF MY VAMPIRE FICTION PHASE: DIABOLIK LOVERS

I seperated it because this guy *slaps like Apollo slapped Patroclus* deserves their own post. Also, despite the dark romance/felony of it all the soundtrack absolutely slaps especially 'Gin no Bara'.

So basically priest's daughter gets trapped as a blood bank to 6 vampire brothers who are the sons of the vampire king who is fantastically creepy and yet never around except when he's pretending to be the school doctor, but you just know he's fucking shit up. Damn it, Karlheinz.

So these 6 guys, they all have issues. MASSIVE, MAJOR ISSUES. I mean, if you think Madara from Naruto has issues? These guys absolutely win.

Let's start in order of whoever I can remember most.

1. Shū

Ah yes, Shū the eldest brother. I will say that if I had to choose who I'm stuck in an elevator with out of any of these people, I would probably pick Shū. Shū is basically the eldest child and he is the son of Beatrix, Karlheinz's second wife. Did I mention that vampire king daddy had three wives at the same time? No, well it's gonna be pretty relevant later. So Beatrix was the typical high expectation mom, she constantly told Shū that he was the heir and told him to behave appropriately. Think Alicent and Aegon from House of the Dragon, but Beatrix was much more severe with Shū who for all intents and purposes, was just a kid who wanted to play around with other kids, instead of banging servants. Anyways, due to Trauma™ involving his best friend dying in a fire (started by his younger brother, but we'll get to that) he's pretty apathetic towards everything and everyone. But when he does care, he will indeed pull you out of a burning building despite his immense pyrophobia. I don't know how, but out of all of them I'd say Shū is the most well adjusted individual but then again, the bar is in hell. Also, fun fact, this guy once got a part-time job as a cashier which I find absolutely hilarious.

2. Reiji

He shares a mother with Shū, Beatrix. Basically while Beatrix was busy trying to get Shū to do whatever the hell an heir is supposed to do, Reiji was pretty much ignored. However, in the game Beatrix catches Reiji studying and was like "good job" genuinely complimenting him, but then Reiji was like "you're bothering me". So I don't know man. The anime made him more sadistic and psycho in terms of personality which I don't think was really needed cause he's plenty psycho already. He seems to be the most well adjusted, but keyword being seems. So because he was ignored by his mom, he pretty much tried to get Shū's attention but like most older siblings, Shū thought hanging out with his younger brother was uncool and so what does Reiji does? This vampire youngling sets a whole ass human village on fire, coincidentally Edgar is in that village. Reiji thought "great, now that Edgar is out of the way Shū will acknowledge me!" but no. Instead Shū just becomes apathetic and a shell of a person. To those of you who've read/watched Twilight, this feels very Aro and Marcus but unlike Aro who is genuinely worried that Marcus might off himself, Reiji just feels bitter and angry that now his elder brother is ignoring him even more. But that's not the cake, oh no, the cake is that Reiji killed his mother. I mean technically he hired a vampire hunter to do it (said vampire hunter being Yui's adoptive dad. You know, the priest who threw her to the wolves. Literally), but as she was killed because Cordelia (one of Karlheinz's wives) was making her so miserable with life Beatrix died with a smile and she was also proud because Reiji killed her because to vampires, part of being considered an adult is committing homicide. And this pisses off Reiji so much, cause he wanted his mom to beg him to spare her life out of some twisted desire of revenge and when that didn't end up happening. Well, Reiji is motherless and bitter now. The anime really did him dirty, because in the anime they made him super duper serious and just very stiff and constantly degrading Yui for just breathing basically. Whereas in the game, he's a lot more chill than he seems and while he casually insults Yui, he casually insults everyone and I have to say his insults are good. Also in the game, he actually smiles so much more but it's a very condescending and bitter smile it's the smile of someone laughing at the world for how screwed up it is. I will say that he does casually poison Yui several times to test out his poisons, but he always gives her the antidote when she starts exhibiting symptoms.

3. Ayato

Ayato is basically Gojo if Gojo had no human conscience. He acts childish because his mother Cordelia was basically the same way Beatrix was to Shū. Cordelia, however, tried to drown him because pookie couldn't like solve a math equation or some shit. The bar is in hell, but Cordelia is by far the most horrible out of the three mothers. Anyways, he's pretty much a man-child with a propensity for being an ass. He sleeps in an iron maiden (with spikes removed) because despite beds being a thing in their mansion, dude just likes it and he does try to shove Yui into an iron maiden (without the spikes removed) but Yui was not having it. I wouldn't want to be stuck in an elevator with this dude cause he would eat me and make me suffer while he's at it.

4. Laito

Unlucky number four and I have to say out of all the brothers, he is my least favourite. The reason? Well it's simple, he commits SA just by breathing. Also, he's the one to nickname Yui 'Bitch-chan'. Listen, I get that he was sexually abused by his mother and Cordelia did her absolute best to instill sex = love even if that sex is non consensual. But honestly? I don't get the point of his character. What was the point of Rejet making a character like him? Because he is just plain sexually abusive. If it was to show how the abused can become the abuser, there are much more nuanced ways to do it than have Laito SA Yui every five seconds or something. Also, if we're talking about "the abused becomes the abuser" all these characters are already stunning examples please save Yui.

5. Kanato

To anyone into HOTD, think Larys Strong but with a teddy bear and his childlike. Kanato seems the easiest to bear with cause of his childlike attitude. That is until his temper completely flips and the next thing you know, he's threatening to murder you and would actually go through it. Kanato had a very fucked up childhood of his mother making him sing her songs while she's out here banging her brother-in-law because Kanato singing apparently gets her into the mood. Kanato likes to collect dead corpses and stuff them like animals which is why there's an entire hall filled with all the sacrificial brides before Yui. He says he can't wait to add Yui to the collection.

6. Subaru

Now Subaru, Subaru is sadistic as all his brothers are and ill-tempered. This man be punching walls and tables and breaking everything. But he doesn't really raise a hand to Yui at all. I'd say other than his shitty temper and blatant sadism, he is moderately bearable. Why? Well he's got self-worth issues you see. His mother was seduced by her older cousin (his father) and when Krysta realised that Karlheinz didn't love her, she went crazy because he basically convinced her to commit incest which is apparently a no no in the vampire world. Krysta thought of Subaru as an abomination and treated him like crap, but she then would oscillate between thinking him an abomination and her a sinner and feeling guilty for hurting him. Subaru looked after his mother instead of the other way around.

Anyways, this is my long overdue rant of fucked up vampire anime.

[raspberry-and-friends]

“Sorry if there’s a little blue paint behind my ear; that’s where I keep my brushes.”

“Carving pumpkins really helps with stress, but I really don’t advise you use the ‘stabbing’ technique on all your problems.”

Names: Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake

Nickname(s): Artsy (Pumpkin to Pound), Sweetheart (Flurry Heart to Pumpkin)

Species: Pegasus and unicorn

Genders: Cisgender male (he/him) and cisgender female (she/her)

Sexualities: Heterosexual and lesbian

Age: 27

Parents: Chiffon Swirl Cake and Carrot Cake

Sibling(s): Pinkamena Diane Pie* (older sister)

Partner(s): Princess Flurry Heart Cake (Pumpkin)

Children: Princess Bedazzled Buttercream Cake (Pumpkin)

Headcanons and disclaimers below the cut 👇👇

Personality:

Pound: Creative, intelligent, imaginative, self-managing (every project of his was crafted intricately by his own two hooves, no help needed whatsoever), and loves trying new things.

Pumpkin: Spunky, honest, intuitive, highly opinionated, and prefers to show her affection through words rather than actions (usually through 14-year-old-sounding poetry she wrote at two in the morning).

Flaws:

Pound: Messy, frivolous, irresponsible, introverted (believes the only friends he needs are the cakes he decorates), and disorderly (“organized chaos” doesn’t even apply here, he literally can’t find his brushes if they slapped him in the face).

Pumpkin: Catty, moody, a perfectionist, confrontational (unlike her brother, Pumpkin isn’t afraid to throw hooves if anypony dares insult her family), and probably went through a pyromaniac phase in her teen years.

Special Talents: Cake decorating and pumpkin carving

Cutie Mark Stories:

Pound: Pound Cake never had the urge to follow in his parents hoofsteps as a baker—rather, he spent most of his days isolated in his room painting instead.

One day, the elder Cakes asked Pound and Pumpkin to watch over the shop while they were away, but advised strictly against touching any of their half-decorated confections. Since when did history ever get made by sitting on the sidelines or following the rules? Never!

As soon as they exited the premises, Pound spotted a large, triple-layer plain white wedding cake towards the back of the kitchen. The perfect canvas. Painting on fondant had to be the same as a regular canvas, right? Once he’d finished, the foal quickly threw a large baking sheet over his creation and zipped off to bed for the night.

Coincidentally, that cake was made for none other than Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s wedding, and it ended up becoming an instant sensation at the reception. Pound already assumed it went over well, judging by the looks of his brand new cutie mark.

Pumpkin: As Nightmare Night drew ever closer, Ponyville sprung into high-gear as hoards of cobwebs, bats, and apple-bobbing barrels filled the bustling streets.

The Cakes would take turns transforming Sugarcube Corner into a specific theme they’d chosen earlier in the year (yes, they are extra enough to begin their preparations for next Nightmare Night starting the day after). They decided to hand over the preparations to the twins one autumn, and Pumpkin Cake was quick to lead the charge ahead of schedule.

Ironically enough, the theme this time around was... a pumpkin patch. After weeks of careful planning and intricate blueprints, the storefront began its transformation into a hauntingly morbid wonderland. Knowing the young filly’s… unconventional interests, the seemingly innocent prompt was taken a little out of control. Now, all that was needed were a few large carved pumpkins to adorn the front porch. Ten jack-o-lanterns later, Pumpkin noticed how naturally the process came to her, and her cutie mark followed suit.

*Read Pinkie’s bio to learn more about her relation to the Cakes.

Bases by SelenaEde

***DISCLAIMER: In this AU, The princesses DIDN’T hand off their powers to Twilight, and still remain the primary rulers of Equestria during the course of this story. The illustrations and writing (the latter of which has since been revised to fix previously missed grammatical errors and to more closely align with my current headcanons) were done back in 2020-2021 and posted to my now-inactive DeviantArt account. The signature ‘Hun’ reflects the name I went by at the time, Hunter.***

[kikker-oma]

incorrect quotes because I’m in this phase

___ Wild (after remembering card tricks): pick a card

Hyrule: *picks 7 hearts*

Wild: one sec Lemmie just look through the entire deck

____

Legend, at a restaurant: I’ll have the cheese board with no cheese

Waitress: So just a board?

Legend: no, I’m not planning on studying abroad.

____

Malon: I’m so bored waiting for link all day

Malon: *ressurects Ganon and kills him with a broom*

Warriors, adventuring with the chain: I sense a disruption in the timeline.

____ Me: oh Legend my sweet boy

Me: oh legend you’re so wonderful and sweet

Me: your character is written so beautifully

Legend: you’re gonna kill me again, aren’t you?

Me: yup. ____

Sky, at lumpy pumkin (forgot the name): Ok sure I’ll play the harp.

10 minutes later…

Sky: STOP WAVING YOUR ARMS IN A CONFUSING BEAT I NEVER LEARNED RYTHM ON SKYLOFT >:(

____

Wild, Wind, and Warriors enter (the three Ws lol)

*has a 10 hour musical that’s just cotton eye joe on repeat*

Time: What creatures have I raised…

____

Twilight: whatcha reading

Four: wheel of time.

5 minutes later

Twilight: HOW DID YOU ALREADY FINISH THE BOOK

Four: wdym I finished the series?

Twilight: …

Lol that first one with the cards🤣🤣 I might draw something for that LOLOL once the art paralysis ends