#my top 3 from this group made it in i feel vindicated

[skyhawkstragedy]

MANON MADE IT IN THANK GODDDDDDDDD

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #498

Top Ten Movie Cameos

The first time I think I ever noticed someone cameoing in a movie was Steven Spielberg. I was watching The Blues Brothers, and there was this guy, who I was sure was Mr. The Berg. I must have seen him in some behind-the-scenes something or the other. But he was a director, not an actor, so it couldn’t have been him, right? Then years later I was reading Empire, and sure enough, I was vindicated. It was indeed the play mountain himself. But more on that later.

So, cameos, then. What is a cameo? Now, in my opinion, I think it really has to be small. Really, it should just be one scene – or even one shot. The smaller the better. I’ve seen people online refer to Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love or Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder as cameos, which is very, very daft, as those are clearly supporting roles – even if they are quite small (and remember, Dench didn’t win her Oscar for “Best Cameo”, she won it for “We Meant To Give You This Last Year”, which is a very important category in the Oscars). I also think the best cameos should be unexpected; a nice surprising treat. And usually they’re funny – the incongruity of seeing that person in this film. Because that’s the other thing: for a cameo to really work, the person cameoing has to be kinda famous. For instance, some might say that Ashley Johnson in The Avengers is a cameo, but whilst she’s obviously awesome and prodigiously talented, I don’t think she’s instantly recognisable enough (which, y’know, she’s mostly famous as a voice actor); also there’s nothing inherently funny or surprising about her role, she’s a waitress who’s saved by Captain America. It doesn’t feel like it’s saying anything to have Johnson play that role, other than I guess Joss Whedon wanted her in the movie (it’s actually funnier that her brief scene is referenced in Loki, because Kate Herron had the whole of the MCU to draw from in a montage, but chose to use an unknown character who’s in one tiny bit of one film, entirely because she’s a huge fan of The Last of Us – see, that is arguably a cameo).

So my rationale for what is and isn’t a cameo might seem complex or even arbitrary, but when has that stopped me in the past? And so, with no further ado, we now get deep into the weeds of it and celebrate my favourite movie cameos of all time. Oh, and there’s no Bill Murray here; I know, I know, it’s a really famous cameo, but, er, I’ve never seen Zombieland. Sorry.

Stan Lee in Pretty Much Everything (2000-2019): I mean, who else? The absolute King of Cameos. Lee was a massive publicity hound all his life, and passed up no opportunity to get in front of the camera, so once big, proper movies were being made of his comics, he was right there, selling hot dogs in X-Men (2000), rescuing children in Spider-Man (2002), and then right through every MCU film until his sad death in 2019 (and even popping up in Teen Titans!). Hearing him tell Miles Morales “I'm going to miss him,” in Into the Spider-Verse chokes me up every time.

Carrie Fisher & George Lucas in Hook (1991): this has always been one of my favourites because unlike virtually every other entry in this list, you only know this if you’ve been told. But it’s funny and it’s sweet. When Tinkerbell takes Peter to Neverland, she flies over a bridge, where a silhouetted couple are seen canoodling. Her pixie dust falls across them, and they begin to float into the air. And apparently the unrecognisable couple are played by Princess Leia and the director of Star Wars. Which, I think you’ll agree, is pretty cool (Hook is really good for cameos).

Brad Pitt in Deadpool 2 (2018): having an invisible character offers plenty of opportunity for some good gags, especially in a Deadpool movie, but the real laugh in the film comes when the Vanisher is electrocuted and we get to see his face for a split second. And – ha – it turns out to be the hugely mega-famous Brad Pitt. It’s funny because he’s a massive star.

Martin Sheen in Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993): it’s one thing for the movie to do an Apocalypse Now gag, as Charlie Sheen’s Topper Harley sails down a river on a military boat, but hanging a lampshade on it by making it cross over with Martin Sheen’s Willard from the classic seventies Vietnam epic is another thing entirely. And then both actors notice each other – ha, funny, they’re father and son in real life – and say in unison, “I loved you in Wall Street!”. Very on-the-nose all the funnier for it.

Steven Spielberg in The Blues Brothers (1980): well, I mentioned him, and here he is, a totally nonplussed-looking administrator bloke just merrily eating a sandwich. He’s frightfully young (I’m guessing he was probably about 32 or 33) and he’s got a big brown tache instead of his usual ‘Berg Beard, he’s dressed very smartly and he’s awfully polite. His demeanour is hilariously in stark contrast to the mayhem around him, and his public persona is also hilariously in contrast to the raucous and ribald mood of the movie.

Cate Blanchett in Hot Fuzz (2007): this is one I didn’t even notice till I read about it after seeing the movie. In a very funny scene where Simon Pegg’s Nick Angel chats to his ex-girlfriend Janine, she is head-to-toe in forensic gear throughout, with a mask covering her face, so all we see are her eyes. But the gag of it is, she’s played by the phenomenally famous Cate Blanchett. You get a megastar to do one scene but make her unrecognisable. So funny it beats Peter Jackson’s evil Santa.

Don Ameche & Ralph Bellamy in Coming to America (1988): this is another one I remember finding hilarious when I was a kid. Walking down the street late at night with love interest Lisa (Shari Headley), Akeem (Eddie Murphy) nonchalantly gives a huge wad of cash to some poor homeless bums. But it turns out that they’re played by Murphy’s old Trading Places co-stars Ameche and Bellamy – and they refer to each other by their character names from that earlier film. “We’re back!” declares Ameche, referencing the end of Trading Places, when their crooked broker characters were defeated and ruined by Murphy and Dan Aykroyd. It’s a great bit of shared-universe tomfoolery, and very funny for fans of Murphy’s movies. Oh, and speaking of Aykroyd…

Dan Aykroyd in Casper (1995): in 1995 it had been six long, bitter years without a new Ghostbusters film; back then, we could still hold out hope for a proper Ghostbuster 3. Sadly that never came to pass, but it was a very pleasant surprise when Ray Stantz himself popped up in Casper, of all things, fearfully running out of Whipstaff Manor in full ghostbusting regalia and declaring, “Who ya gonna call? Someone else!”. I mean, after facing down Gozer and Vigo and who knows what else, you’d think three sarcastic arsehole ghosts would be no match for him, but maybe the ‘busters were having tough times. Maybe this will all be backstory in Ghostbusters: Afterlife. Maybe Cathy Moriarty and Eric Idle will return the favour and do cameos of their own. We can but hope.

Matt Damon, Luke Hemsworth, & Sam Neill in Thor: Ragnarok (2017): twenty years ago you could point to Goldmember as the, er, gold standard in multi-character cameo pile-ups. And while that is great – Danny DeVito giving the finger, Spielberg back-flipping – I think it’s been surpassed by this minor gaggle of stars hamming it up. Matt Damon – famouser than anyone actually billed in the movie – is An Actor Playing Loki. Dr. Alan Grant from Jurassic Park is An Actor Playing Odin (whilst Odin’s actor, Anthony Hopkins, plays Tom Hiddleston playing Loki playing Odin – do keep up), and Thor’s Real-Life Brother plays An Actor Playing Thor. It’s all delightfully meta and hilarious.

Ollie Johnston & Frank Thomas in The Incredibles (2004): this one’s really sweet, and like the Hook cameo, would very easily slip you by. At the end of the film, after the climactic battle, two old men cheer on the superheroes – “That’s old school!” “Yep, no school like the old school!” – but what’s great is that they’re voiced by – and designed to look like – Ollie Johnston and Frank Thomas, the last two surviving members of the famous “Nine Old Men” group of Disney animators, who’d worked on many of the classic Disney films. This was Pixar and director Brad Bird giving a tip of the hat to the legends who came before them, and made all the sweeter by the fact that Johnston and Thomas (both sadly now deceased) were absolute best buds in real life. A cameo that educates and makes you think! How nice!

There you go. Sadly no room for any of the many great Star Wars cameos, from Daniel Craig through to George Lucas’ entire family. Oh well!

[notalittlebutalottie]

KCFICRECEVENT -Day 8 - Quick-Fire Questions

Belated Quick Fire answers, here we go! @klaroline-events​

1. Who are your favorite KC writers?

@she-walked-away @bellemorte180 @lalainajanes​ (LalainaJ) @marvelouskatie​ @strongbeautifulfulloflight​ (Wrecklessrighter) to name a few!

2. Who’s your favorite KC smut writer?

I have spent a good amount of time plowing through @lalainajanes​‘s one shot collection Make Some Noise, which includes a fair amount of smutty drabbles, and every single one manages to be just as good as the last. I think that when you write so much smut, you can get worried about scenes becoming too similar (that’s what I stress over especially) but they write their smut so effortlessly and each scene is unique and crafted to the context of the prompt! (I also appreciate the commitment to recognising how dangerous shower sex is)

3. A fic that you have read more than once.

Dirty Little Secret & Unexpected Exposure by @she-walked-away. I cannot tell you how many times I have read them. Dirty Little Secret is the reason I began and completed my first official Klaroline WIP (my crappy attempts a year prior don’t count), back when I actually...prepared multiple chapters before posting... And Unexpected Exposure is arguably my favourite fic that I have ever laid eyes on. Their writing is so consistent in both narration and dialogue and their charactersation is marvelous!

4. A feel-good fic that never fails to make you smile. + 5. A fic that has made you cry.

Family Game Night by @strongbeautifulfulloflight​ hands down! The very first time I read it years ago, I laughed so hard that I cried (which I guess answers question 5 as well). In fact, the scene in which Kol has clearly lost the plot after his phone is destroyed and he loses his high score is what inspired his first scene in my story Psychedelic Kicks! This story is just absolutely a bundle of fun and laughter and I recommend it to anyone who hasn’t read it.

6. A fix-it fic that has made you feel vindicated.

Fortitude by @life-needs-epic​. Obviously, I recommended it for day 3 of the event so you can see my review and graphic there!

7. A fic that has made your romantic heart scream.

Picturesque by @supernutellastuff​. I have definitely mentioned my love for it before and I really wanted to recommend it for this event BUT I held myself to a criteria of active/ongoing fics for the main 7 days. Still, I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH. I think this writer has a wonderful gift in building chemistry between two characters whether it’s romantic or platonic. The details of their friends arguing over things like coffee beans and other seemingly innocuous topics are fantastic. Their friendship group feels so natural and there’s not a single one of them to dislike regardless of flaws. There is one scene in which Caroline calls Klaus very late at night just to clarify whether he had been in the same country as her at the same time and it makes my heart scream SO MUCH.

8. Your favorite drabble writer?

@itsnotacrimetoloveyou​ has written so many wonderful drabbles including one that I recommended this week! Luiza never fails to create such cohesive and compact stories within these drabbles and her writing is just so engaging.

9. What was the story that made you fall in love KC fanfiction?

The Madness Underneath by @marvelouskatie​. If you haven’t read it, go read it. The biggest reason I love this fic is that it is honest and realistic. It doesn’t try to bend in favour of the ship by making it all fluffy and sweet. These characters feel like real people and the plot is interesting enough that KC are just the cherry on top.

10. A fic you love and wish more people would read.

The Other Side of Sacrifice by @queencarolinemikaelson​. You can find my review for it on day 2 of this event along with the graphic under the kcficrecevent tag! I just want to point out again, however, how they do such a wonderful job writing this diversion of canon. It takes how the diversion would affect their relationship into account without going too far off base of who their characters are. Klaus is starts off quite cold (because well he’s dead, duh) but it’s an expected and understandable level that just works for this story. They have to get to know each other under an entirely different circumstance and that circumstance is so interesting. I really can’t wait to see what’s in store and I hope the author knows just how much I love it!

11. A fic that isn’t your regular cup of tea for whatever reason but that you love anyway.

Demonology by @bellemorte180​. I know I know, ‘Lottie, you have recommended three fics in this post that you have ALREADY recommended this week’ but it’s my fic rec post and I’ll do what I want. Let me start this off by saying: I love horror. HOWEVER, when it comes to Klaroline fics, I am extremely wary of fics that label themselves as ‘dark’. If you want to know my complete reasoning then I will happily share but expect a rant lmao. With all of that in mind, this story, though in its early days, is setting the stage for a roller coaster of madness and I am ready. Right off the bat, Erica throws a curve ball and from then on, the story only sinks its teeth into your soul more and more. The way the progression of Klaus and Caroline’s relationship is intertwining with the story so far is flawless and I hope that if you haven’t read this yet, you will give it a shot. I promise you’ll adore it.

12. A multichapter you wish would be updated NOW!

Fair Silvers of Us by @carolineforbae (like seriously, Giulia, I GOTTA KNOW HOW IT ENDS). This is another type of fic that wouldn’t usually be my cup of tea but Giulia is an excellent and engaging writer. How could I not fall in love with it? I think that mates as a trope can be a very delicate thing to handle, but Giulia deals with the issues expertly throughout the story. GO READ IT.

[crosbymalkin871]

The Price of Love (1/?)

CHAPTER TITLE: All It Takes is One Huge Paycheck…

RATING: M PAIRINGS/CHARACTERS: E. Malkin/S. Crosby

CHAPTER WARNINGS/KINK: Alcohol, Foul Language, mentions of Prostitution, Mario Lemieux, vague allusions to Smut

AUTHOR’S NOTE: FINALLY! AFTER FOUR-FIVE MONTHS OF NO HOCKEY, THE LACK OF MOTIVATION, AND ME ACTUALLY NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH A LOT OF STRESS, I’M FINALLY BACK!!!! Originally I wanted to post this the night of game 1, but shit happened and then I tried to post it before game 2, but y’all are getting it today! XD As a piece of compensation on my end, chapter 2 will be posted on Sunday evening. I promise, and if I don’t keep my word, bash me in the head with a hockey stick until I get a concussion.

Before you all begin reading, I just have to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me their excitement and their support throughout these difficult moments, it really means a lot. I also wish to extend my appreciation to 3 specific individuals: my friends @justinschultzy & @eafay70, and my dear Zhenya aka @cakemakethme​ (who will also be my Beta from chapter 2 or 3 onward). You three were the ones I continuously messaged updates on and your cheerleading was what ended up leading me to finishing this. So thank you very, very much! xxx

I have been wanting to write this fic for…gosh, maybe 2-3 years now and it’s finally being presented to all of you. I’m so excited for everyone to read it and to join me on this insane rollercoaster that is The Price of Love. With that all said and done I hope you all enjoy it, like and reblog, and I will (hopefully) post more sometime in the near future.

DISCLAIMER: I am not the owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins, or are associated with anyone in the NHL. I just have a very strong imagination.

A variety of noises ring out in Geno’s ears.

“Beer, over here!”

“Four sangrias for table three.”

“Vodka. Straight.”

“Whisky on the rocks.”

“Daiquiri. Make it a double.”

“Two champagne cocktails for table seven.”

Orders just keep coming and coming. He had been tossing and filling up a number of glasses and flutes for hours, sending them out left and right at the bar with almost no chance of having a small break in between. It was alright though, he grew used to it throughout his years of being one of the many favored bartenders at the Emperor Nightclub.

That, and he gets some real good money out of it, collecting all the large tips he gets whenever he cleans up the dirtied tables afterward.

With he and Tanger, his best friend and the other tender manning the bar, it feels like a marathon— albeit an easy one— to serve the feisty ladies and semi-agro men currently trying to take over the club.

The Emperor Nightclub is still up and running as the night starts to grow late. With a birthday bunch, a small group of ladies having a girl’s night, a married couple looking for a partner or two to join their bed (whether they were open or poly, Geno wasn’t sure), and college graduates dominating the patrons tonight along with the regulars— the nightclub roars as if it is New Year’s Eve in NYC instead of any other weekend in Pittsburgh.

No empty space could be seen on sight from where he was standing, with new patrons coming in the later part of the night, while the earlier patrons have made the decision to stay even after hours of partying and hollering.

Geno was given a small break as the crowd in front of the bar disperses, having been satisfied with the drinks they were given, taking whatever leftover bills he was given as a form of tip.

So far, it was a relatively good night for him.

Well…until a small, very familiar group came in, with the leader catching his eye like he usually does.

Being a bartender at a pretty famous nightclub in Pittsburgh, he sees a whole spectrum of people walking in and out of the nightclub’s doors: with some of them wanting to down tons and tons of alcohol that’ll make them black out until tomorrow afternoon, and others being on the prowl for someone to either take to their car, a nearby hotel, or even the nightclub’s bathroom.

One of them was about three or four, sometimes even more, prostitutes that are part of the latter category, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t take the time to chat with the bartenders, something that always brightened Geno’s night, especially when he was continuously swamped with drink orders…

…which is how Geno’s break ends: more people clamoring to the bar.

As of on cue, the moment that he continues to engage in dealing with patron’s drinks, the orders come rolling in even faster that he almost skipped a beat. From the corner of his eye, he could see the expression on Tanger’s face becoming more focused as his orders keep coming in with some extra flirting and touching from the patrons on his part.

He snorts at that. While Geno didn’t necessarily mind a customer or two coming up to flirt with him, he was never really interested in them, only responding back just to make their night a little bit better.

Out of all of his friends, it was Tanger that got the most attention from the patrons, with he following at a close second. It made sense because the French-Canadian looked like a supermodel. And himself? Well he wasn’t really sure if American people have a thing for foreigners like him, but he continuously gets complimented on his ability to wear a suit. So he considers that a plus.

His other friend, Dumo, tended to get third; primarily because he got a lot of attention from the college kids, either doing an insane number of shots or just randomly asking about his athletic abilities. Needless to say, it was very amusing to watch him wrack attention from the younger crowd. Though if anybody were to catch his eye, they should be aware of how damn good a cook he was.

The other two bartenders, Big Rig and Schultzy, also managed to garner themselves some attention from the patrons. Big Rig, for his height as he stood almost 7 feet tall (much taller than Geno), and Schultzy, for his happy-go-lucky personality. It was always something that made event the downiest of drinkers smile a little.

Even if he feels just a tad overwhelmed by the all of the drinks he has to quickly make, getting a glimpse of dark, curly black hair and a thick, white fur coat was enough to quell his nerves.

“You all need some additional help?”

A voice comes from Geno’s left side and it makes him jump a little (but not enough to make him mess up an order, which he has done before and has given the person who scared him a very stern talking to). He looks over to see who it was and finds Dumo standing there with his usual laid-back smile. Geno may or may not have breathed out a small sigh of relief at his arrival.

“Possibly, considering that G has been trying to catch a glimpse of Sid rather than seeing how much booze he’s pouring in.” Tanger smirks, placing at Geno teasingly.

Geno rolled his eyes and answered with a scoff. “Yeah. Like you not staring at Flower too, Tanger.” He feels a little vindication when seeing the French-Canadian man scowl in return. “But help always needed, Dumo. Things getting a bit out of hand and no one planning on going home soon.” Even though he knows he’ll get teased about it even more, his eyes couldn’t help wander off around the club, looking at all the excitement that is still going strong.

And again, seeing black curls and a white fur coat— Sid was his name— releases some of the tension in his shoulders.

“Alright then.” Dumo clapped his hands before he started to roll his sleeves of his button-up. “No one is really wanting drinks on my end of the bar, might as well waste time by giving you guys a hand.”

Neither Tanger or Geno responded to him as he already accepted his first round of orders from the loud frat boys and flighty sorority girls welcoming him, leaving the other two to tend the ones lining up at their respective corners.

Within the next minute or so, all three of them found themselves falling into a rhythm as they worked side-by-side, the drinks continuing to flow out and tips continuing to flow in. And with more patrons visiting the bar, come more even more orders and even more tips.

The extra pair of hands certainly help a lot in making the work feel a whole lot easier.

Dumo serves every patron that tries to start a conversation with him, listen to their problems in one ear while paying attention to orders in the other. He also subtly brushes off any flirty advances, but he does throw a smile here and a wink there to please all who are openly staring at him. He even does a little dance to the beat of the music as a little extra entertainment.

“Should’ve been a stripper, Dumo.” Tanger tells him as he stuffs some more bills into his pockets. “Missed the chance to be Magic Mike in Hollywood, but there’s still a chance here.”

Geno snorts as he slides a mint julep down the bar.

“Ha ha. Very funny, Tanger,” Dumo states unamused. “Can say the same about you too.”

Tanger just flips him off while Geno snorts again.

Eventually, the orders died down and the patrons scattered about. Dumo returned to the other bar on the opposite side of the room with Schultzy and Big Rig, while Tanger cleaned up any spilled alcohol left on the bar top.

Geno, meanwhile, began pouring more cocktails, glasses of wine, and laying more beer bottles onto a tray; but these were for any of the people hugging their half-full drinks, or for the tables that were littered with empty glasses and lime wedges.

No. This tray of drinks are for a certain group that he had noticed earlier.

Carefully, yet a little giddily, he manages to carry the tray single-handedly, and without spilling a single drop of liquor, all the way to a very specific table within the Emperor Nightclub.

As he walks closer and closer, the wild pacing of his heartbeat grows more and more. When he finally reaches the table, standing behind the object of his secret affections, he quietly gulps and places a gentle hand on his fur-covered shoulder.

The man stops whatever he was doing and turns around to look at him. And Geno swears he could feel his breath escaping his lungs and his rapidly-beating heart stopping.

Aside from their beautiful curly hair, the man also had the prettiest brown eyes and the biggest, most kissable lips imaginable (not that the bartender would ever admit that to him). He also had on an outfit that was not afraid to show off his…well, assets; outside of the white fur coat, he wore a white crop top with a red maple leaf on it, black leather shorts that magically fits his ass, and past those long, thick legs were a pair of black stripped high-heels that decorated his feet.

Sid smiles kindly at him, his teeth showing behind those glossed lips. “Hi, Geno.” he calls in his deep yet sweet-sounding voice. It didn’t sound flirtatious or seductive, which is normally how he talked to his clients, with the bartender, he always sounded genuine and pleasantly happy to see him serving drinks to him and his friends.

Geno nervously smiled back. “H-Hey, Sid,” he replies, silently curing himself for stammering in front of a prostitute who he may or may not have a big crush on. “Flower, Segway, Mitch,” he also greeted, who were all looking at him before he grabbed Sid’s attention. He began setting down the cocktails, wine, and beer. “Here are usual orders.”

The three other men accepted their drinks: a margarita, a beer, and a glass of white wine, respectively.

Still smiling, Sid happily accepted his cosmopolitan, plucking a strawberry off the skewer that was resting atop the martini glass. “Thanks, G,” he says before popping the mini strawberry into his mouth. “I know everyone has their favorite bartenders, but I still say you make the best cocktails.”

Hearing that from Sid (and watching him eat a simple piece of fruit) was enough to bring a blush and a dumbstruck smile to Geno’s face. “H-Heh…Thanks, Sid.”

Sid nods, eyes shining with a glint of something as he takes a sip of his cocktail.

It was a small moment or two of awkward (on the bartender’s part at least) silence before he coughed. “I, uhm, I’m best get back to work, so…bye.” With that, he quickly flees back to the bar.

(As he did so, he heard the soft giggles coming from Sid, but he failed to see him lightly admonish his friends as they smirked at the obvious crush the bartender had.)

After that little incident, Geno spent the rest of the night catering to any other patron that walked up and asked for— or sloppily demanded— drinks. Whenever he had a spare moment or two, he would glance up at table eight, watching the small group of friends chatting, laughing, and attempting to flirt with some of the other patrons that would stop by their table.

Part of Geno’s heart crumbled whenever he saw Sid respond to some of the men’s flirtatious mannerisms, whether it be throwing out seductive words, or a teasing touch, or even a tickle of breath or the faint press of lips.

He knows Sid isn’t tied down to someone. Why would he, the man was a prostitute after all. But that didn’t mean watching him act like that with others didn’t hurt.

From the moment he first met Sid, back when they were teenagers to young adults and Geno had just started working at the Emperor Nightclub, he always harbored secretly feelings for the young Canadian. He remembered the first time he ever plucked up the courage to speak to him and slide him a cocktail: one of his first attempts at a watermelon cooler, too easy of a drink to mess up on.

It was a bit strong on the booze and not fruity enough, but Sid didn’t tell him that. He just smiled and thanked him in a voice that oozed sensuality and charm, throwing in a wink for good measure. When he saw how awkwardly the bartender responded to it— by stammering and not completely picking up the subtle cue— he dropped the act, apologizing for making him feel awkward. To which Geno has to apologize as well, because he didn’t meant to make the moment awkward, he just wasn’t good at responding to someone who was cute like him.

That made Sid pause and blush, looking away from the bartender for a split second before gazing back up at him, a gentle smile on his face. This caused Geno to smile back, the both of them feeling a bit more relaxed than before. When the awkwardness of it all faded away, the two of them began to chat during the bartender’s break, or whenever he would get a breather from serving. In those small conversations, he realized that the flirty prostitute was actually…very dorky.

A dorky man who had a passion for history, craved mozzarella sticks and cheesecake, and had a strong affinity for sports just like he once did. And he had the goofiest laugh Geno had ever heard and thought it adorable. Seeing this, Sid’s true colors was what made him slowly start to fall in love.

But deep down, he knew that Sid would never feel the same about him. To him, it was fairly certain that he would get rejected upon confessing his feelings. So, in every encounter the two had after that, Geno would simply swallow his feelings and allowed Sid to flirt and be affectionate with other men that weren’t him.

They were just friends, nothing more.

(Although he can’t help but secretly wish for that to change one day).

Geno sighed sadly and began to untie his apron, ready to go into the staff room and change back into his regular clothes when Tanger tapped him on the shoulder. He looked over at him, ready to tie his apron back on, when he sees him pointing to the stairs near the back of the nightclub.

Coming down the stairs was owner Mario Lemieux.

He turned back to Tanger, brow raised. “So? He does that a lot.”

“Yeah he makes his rounds like he usually does, but does he ever personally come to us for anything? Usually it’s Jen that does it for him.” Tanger points out as they see Mario making his way over to the bar areas.

Geno hummed. He had a fair point, usually it was Jen, Mario’s personal assistant, that went and searched for them whenever he needed to have a conversation with them. In any other instance, the bartender would not hesitate to flee whenever he could, but she would usually find him in the end.

But Mario himself coming out to talk to one— or maybe all of them— was highly unusual.

It was even more unusual when he realizes that Mario coming towards him. He didn’t know whether he should run, or accept whatever was going to be handed to him.

Still tying his apron back on just in case, he meets Mario halfway: near the dance floor but not that far from the tables.

“Ah, Geno,” he says as the bartender comes up to him. “I was just coming to talk to you.”

“Need me to stay extra hours?” he asked, seconds away from letting out a tired sigh. He doesn’t like the idea of staying later than 1 or 2 AM on most days, but if the boss says so, he’ll make an exception.

“No, actually,” Mario shakes head making Geno confused. “I wanted to give you something.” He hands the bartender an envelope.

Taking it, Geno still looked confused as to what it was until he opened it, then his eyes widened in shock.

“Boss, are you— Are you serious?!” he exclaimed as he looked between the envelope in his hand, then back at Mario.

“It’s just little bonus, if you will, for being one of my best workers.”

“This more than bonus and you know it!”

Mario placated him by resting a hand on his shoulder. “As I said, you deserve it,” he reassured. “I know it’s more than what you normally make, and more than the other bonuses I give, but there’s nothing wrong with giving a little bit more to hard workers like you.”

Geno gazed back down at the envelope. Inside was a bonus check of over $10,000.

“But—”

“No buts.” Mario tells him seriously. “I mean it. You’ve been very dedicated to your work from the beginning, even if you were completely new to it. But you quickly improved over time and became a favorite amongst The Emperor’s patrons. It’s not hard to see why, Geno. So, go on, take the extra bonus. Do whatever you want with it, a gift from me to you.”

With that, he gave the bartender a pat on the back before heading back upstairs to his office.

The whole time, Geno’s eyes never left the check.

It was a large amount of money. In fact, it was double than what he normally makes for a bonus: $5000 at most, but if his boss said that he deserved it…well, who was he to deny himself a paycheck like this.

Finally, his eyes left the large sum of money, trailing back to the beautiful prostitute that was still sitting at table eight.

Maybe…maybe his chance had finally come. He may not be able to have a proper relationship with Sid, but he could at least spend one magical night with him, for however long he could make it.

He didn’t know what Sid charged for his services, but he hoped ten thousand dollars was enough to satisfy him (he was sure that it was, he was just being really nervous about confronting him).

Gulping, the bartender slowly— and anxiously— makes his way back to table eight. Along the way, he tries to remember all of the fancy restaurants that are in Pittsburgh, and there are quiet a number of them within the city and the surrounding area.

There was the Altius that has an amazing view of the city… the Monterey Bay Fish Grotto is one of the most famous restaurants… LeMont has been around for decades and is still highly regarded… most of the locals would know about the Grand Concourse… since he liked boats, one of the Gateway Clipper’s Dining Cruises would be nice…

Maybe the Hyeholde since it almost be like dining at a castle… the Carlton has a lot of national recognition… Bravo! Italian Kitchen has a good menu and they do have creme brûlée...

Or…he may just happen to like the Cheesecake Factory instead.

Before he could even make a final decision on what he was going to say, he was standing right in front of Sid (or behind, since his back was turned to him). Luckily for him, his other friends were either out on the dance floor or chatting up the other bartenders; maybe they were in the back lounges, but Geno doesn’t really care, he needed to focus on his main objective right now: gaining Sid’s attention, even if it was for one night.

Reaching a hand out, he hesitates for a split second before he decides to gently tap Sid on the shoulders.

The prostitute turned around to see who was standing behind him again, smiling when he realized who it was. “Hey, G. What’s up?” he asks curiously while he licks something sticky off his fingers.

Geno stared for a hot minute before quickly snapping out of it. “U-Uhm—!” He blushed and scratched the back of his head. “I-I want you to know that Mario gave me big bonus just now…”

Sid smiled wider at that. “That’s great, G! How much of a bonus was it? The usual 5k?”

He shook his head, looking away shyly. “No…gave me double that.”

Brown eyes widened as he exclaimed, “Wait. He gave you $10,000?!”

Geno nodded, showing him the envelop with the check in it. “Yeah, and uhm…was wondering if…” He blushed darker, still keeping his eyes away from Sid. 

The prostitute was looking at him with concern now. “If uhm…You want to spend a night with me…?”

Sid stayed silent for the longest time, staring blankly at the bartender as he processed what he just asked him. “Geno, are you— Are you asking me to…service you?”

“Yes. I mean, no! Argh!” The bartender shook his head, feeling more embarrassed and stupid now. “What I’m mean is…I take you to fancy restaurant, maybe do shopping, and…” The blush on his face grew darker. “I-If you wanted, we can go to hotel and… you serve me.”

A blush now came to the prostitute’s face. “O-Oh…”

Geno makes a flustered noise, still not looking Sid.

“I don’t— I-I don’t charge that much for a night's service, Geno,’ he tells the bartender with a shy voice. “Y-You can’t spend 10 grand on me in one night…”

“I-I’m know,” he nods. “But I’m try.”

Sid’s blush grew darker as he now looked away from the bartender. Neither one of them really knew what to say after that, the moment growing tenser and more awkward by the second.

Eventually, the prostitute was the one to speak first. “E-Even if you can’t spend all that money on me…it’d be nice to spend a night with you.”

Geno’s head snaps back to Sid, his own dark brown eyes widened at what he said. “R-Really?”

A small smile came to the prostitute’s face as he nodded. “Yeah,” he admits shyly, now looking back at the bartender. “I really do.”

He’s never admitted this to him, but he’s had a crush on Geno for a very long time now, ever since they met as teenagers in this very nightclub. He always thought the bartender would never want to be in a relationship with him because of what he does, but after hearing what he just said to him, he might actually have a chance to see if they would really work out.

“Uhm, great!” Geno exclaims with a grin.

Sid smiles a little more. “Did you have a particular restaurant in mind?”

The bartender pondered on the choices he thought about earlier before finally making a decision. “Altius?” he asks. “Is on Grandview Avenue and have good view of skyline.”

“Sounds great,” Sid nods in approval. “Maybe we could stop by the Cheesecake Factory afterwards. I haven’t had any in a long time and I’m overdue for a craving.”

“I figure you say that,” Geno chuckled. “Had that in back of mind in case you say no.”

An embarrassed giggle managed to escape the prostitute’s lips. “I guess I make my love of cheesecake very obvious, eh?”

“You do, but is okay,” Geno reassures. “I like that about you.”

Another giggle, this time, one that was more airy and a little bit giddy-sounding. “So, when did you want to do this? Tomorrow night?”

“We can do that,” he nods. “I take night off.”

“Are you Mario would allow that?” Sid raises a teasing brow at him. “I mean, he did just give you a big bonus. He may change his mind when he hears you taking a day off.”

Geno waved at him nonchalantly. “Eh. He not mind.” he tells him. “Besides, be nice to get away from club for one night. And I spending night with you, so is good reason.” He lightly smirked at him.

Sid’s blush couldn’t get any redder, but it manages to with the bartender’s words. Just then a waiter came by and served him another drink, this time, a vibrant sunrise cocktail.

He takes the drink with a nod and a slight smirk before the waiter walks away. He takes a sip before turning back to Geno, his smirk growing in seductiveness. “So,” he starts before licking his lips, a little cayenne salt sticking to them. “Will I be seeing you tomorrow night?”

The bartender gulped and managed to nod, trying to keep his dirty thoughts at bay. “Yeah…see you tomorrow night.”

[strayed-from-the-sun]

The Huntsman and the Knight

Waiting… Waiting…

The harsh sun's final hours were arriving and its brutal colors became an orange glow. The Keeper of the Moon was prone beneath a sand colored tarp high atop a well baked roof. He was motionless, still as a corpse with eyes fixed on the gates and roads into pearl lane. A pair of ice blue eyes scanned from beneath the tarp. He’d begin to slowly motion reaching for his paper.

One last look at his face.

The Moonkeeper had a good half hour left before his quarry would pass through here. It would be just them, no guards. No lights. The perfect ambush. He took this  moment to mentally prepare once more. Remembering the moments that brought him here. He spent three days alone studying the quarry and finding this ideal moment. He then remembered his contractor. That smug asshole. It was nearly a week before he took the job. Eliphas, another big name with a very big price on his head offered it. He’d never truly understand the magus that hired him. It was something the Enforcer of Ul'dah preferred to keep himself with his associates. He remembered the quarry.

Dimi...

Another Miqo’te, but this was an odd sort of Sunseeker. He was an easy mark to catch, too distinct. He learned the man supposedly came from Ishgard, and despite the outrageous claim it was very much a fact. He carried himself nobly, spoke like an Ishgardian, and skulked the nights and roads in armor not unlike most adventurers that come and go. He was very different, a stray amongst the crowd.

 Eliphas stated this adventure was a remnant of a client’s concluded business. A loose end of Adventurers that hadn’t been completely swept away. This adventurer, a knight, was taking vindication against the workings of the Syndicate underworld. It was honest and praiseworthy, but this was a business. 

Sami’ya wasn’t fond of taking a job like this but the pay was great, even if it had been from a snake like Eliphas.

Night fell and the window of opportunity was open. The streets of Pearl Lane were poorly lit for the night. This Dimi was likened to the cover of night and was on a chase of his own. Looking to cut down every conspirator of the downfall of his group. Sami could understand it, but he couldn’t fully sympathize. But the time to sympathize was over now. He was committed to hunt and he would see it through. ‘Bring him alive or dead. I dont care, I just need my client to know he can breathe easy again.’ Eliphas’s order rung in his head.

Sami drew his bow. His keen eyes quickly adjusted to the night. There he was. The knight appeared, carefully walking the streets. His darkened Ishgardian armor was heavy but the Sunseeker was adept at moving quietly in the street. Sami knocked an arrow. He wasn’t familiar with Ishgard armor but everything has its openings and soft spots. He spied a gap in the armor, Sami slowly crawled from the tarp. He carefully slumped up to a low firing posture. Dimi hadn’t spotted him yet, but the knight was cautious. He was aware there was something not right. It was too late, the hunter took his shot. The arrow hummed on the wind and struck the knight.

No good, the quarry turned and sunk into his armor but it wouldn’t be enough to pierce flesh. The arrow wedged itself in the abdomen of the armor between the chains and the plate which took the brunt of the shot. Dimi was quick, he grabbed the arrow to try and pry it loose but resorted to snapping the shaft in twain to keep it from impeding him. He reached for the flamberge on his back and turned to the direction the shot came from and spotted Sami who was in the rush. Another arrow knocked and loosed at the knight’s direction, this time for the head, but Dimi was able sidestep the shot. The knight charged forward with surprising speed, Sami had a lot of space to work with. He could see the path the knight would take, climbing on boxes and crates to get up to him. He loosed another arrow, struck in the shoulder but not deep. He was able to find a spot past the pauldrons of the knight armor.

He could see the fervent fury in Dimi’s eyes, but he was more than a leap away from being close, Sami’s instinct suddenly spelled danger, a shift in aether. He’d retreat to the next building and leapt upon it and found his gut to make a call. Dimi had leapt blade forward and struck it into the roof edge where the hunter was. It was terrifying. This was no ordinary knight if he could leap up and bury his blade into the roof in such a manner. Sami let off a shot hastily but it struck true, catching the soft part of the torso and digging deep. Dimi let out an audible grunt in pain. The shot was going to stop him for a moment but he’d still have plenty of fight no doubt. Blood trickled from the arrow’s shaft and dripped onto the rooftop and the knight took a second to evaluate the damage giving Sami the moment to retreat.

Sami spun around to climb to the next building, a quick leap off a ledge and a grab for the top and he was up. He felt another surge of aether but this time he hadn’t had the time to react. A crimson orb of energy struck him in the chest, suddenly bursting into thousands of needles many of which had run through his physical being. The sensation felt like a dozen small daggers pricking through his body in an instant. He coughed up blood and gasped for air in a panic but was able to recover in time. To his surprise the Knight had found a second wind and was at the chase again. The Sunseeker had been able to tear off the arrow from his shoulder and break loose the other. His armor was stained red now from his wounds but he showed no signs of slowing. 

Sami knocked back 3 arrows at once. There was no chance to miss. He pulled back and landed his trio of shots perfectly and the arrows dug into the knight. His other shoulder, neck and knee joint caught each shot and brought the knight down. Dimi fell to his knees, more blood dripping, his breath heavy and ragged. Sami could see it, the knight was in his death throes.

The knight proved his stamina once more however as a tumultuous surge of aether could be felt. The knight suddenly threw himself at Sami with ferocious speed. His eyes were different to the Hunter, noting the grayish blue hue was now a glowing red. The knight made a bestial growl as he grappled the hunter. Sami could barely react as the knight tackled him and slammed the hunter against the wall. Sami gasped in pain as his breath was forced out of his lungs. He recoiled from the shock of the impact. Again the Knight with what seemed like otherworldly strength would slam him against the wall, but there was less impact to it.

Sami was able to recuperate. He couldn’t break free from the Knight or reach for his dagger. He scrambled for whatever arrows he could grab and went for the neck. He jabbed and punched the arrow heads for his life now, thrashing as best as he could until the knight suddenly lost his grip. Sami kicked himself free as the knight stumbled backwards and collapsed.

Somehow the bastard is still alive

He cautiously approached the knight was more of a bloody mess now, Shattered arrow shafts and deep cuts from the grapple left the man covered in his own blood. Yet somehow the knight was still breathing, barely alive but held on. Sami stared down the knight. There was still life in his eyes, but it was fading. He watched the Miqo’te fall unconscious. His breathing was short till it was near stopped. Blood would trickle and pool on the rooftop. It began to drip over the side and onto the street below. The Hunter’s own breath was ragged but quickly calmed. He could feel every blow struck from the magic and from the grapple. He had been in many scuffles but few went as wild as this, at least with the people he tracked down.

Time was short for the Hunter, the window of opportunity was closing. He could hear the distant clanging of boots. The Blades were alerted to their fight and he’d have to leave. Sami gave the knight one last look. He could have made quick work and taken the knight’s life with a stroke of his dagger to the Sunseeker’s neck before fleeing, but he felt something.

This Dimi was a good man caught in poor circumstances and Sami felt respect for the man’s duty. He’d give the knight a fighting chance. Gil was gil and he’d still get his due. If the knight still walked, or was still eager to continue his pursuits it was no longer his problem. Sami collected his things quickly, he wiped the fresh blood from his hands off a cloth and would escape into the night.

[mycosmicvoid]

The Real Kentucky Goblin Case, “Hellier,” and Interdimensional Beings

“Remember, something really did happen that night! Enjoy + Believe!” writes Geraldine Sutton Stith on the inside cover of my copy of her book, “Alien Legacy.”[1] Geraldine is the daughter of Elmer “Lucky” Sutton, and “Alien Legacy” is an account of, as she autographed, what “really did happen” on the night of August 21st, 1955, better known as “the Kelly Hopkinsville UFO case,” “the invasion of the Kelly Green Men” or simply: “the Hopkinsville goblin case.” Through reading her family’s story after I thought I knew it well enough, I felt my own compulsion to vindicate them, just as she does. In the prologue, she asks the reader to “see if you can feel and possibly understand what this family went through. And with that being said, this is my story, this was what was left for me. This is my legacy.”[1]

As the reader you can’t help but feel a bit of guilt thinking about the constant fetishization of real stories existing in real family lineage, UFO-related or not. However, sentimentality aside, I was determined to know the real story. First, the set-up of events in the book were slightly confusing, as I previously was not aware of exactly who everyone was. Geraldine is the daughter of Lucky and Glorine (who was not present, although his current wife at the time, Vera, was). Lucky and his friend Billy Ray were the two to battle the creatures that invaded the property that night after Billy Ray witnessed something “round and metallic”[1] fly across the sky followed by a streak of rainbow light. Lucky’s mom was called Miss Glennie, June is Billy Ray Taylor’s wife, JC is Lucky’s brother, Alene is his wife, O.P. is Alene’s brother, and Lonnie, Charlton and Mary are Glennie’s children and Lucky’s little siblings from her second marriage, who were all present that night.

The first I heard of this case was in the first episode of “Hellier”[2]- After all, it was the very case that influenced the crew to follow their email lead, which happens to be a plea from a man named “David Christie” (in quotations as it is now understood to be an alias), asking for help from Greg Newkirk and his paranormal hunting group, as little creatures have allegedly been harassing his family. Greg acknowledges the similarities and differences between the descriptions of creatures in David and the Suttons’ story: David’s were “the size and stature of a small child, devoid of any facial features save for large, oily eyes and lipless mouths. They frighten my children by peering through their bedroom windows, chirping at one another. They actively attempt to enter my home… I assure you [they] are not ‘wild animals.’”[2] He claims his daughter witnessed them playing together in the yard, and called them “‘bald like grandpa and weren’t wearing any clothes.’”[2] When he finally “witnessed” them for himself, David describes a “chirping” sound, “much like a skunk, if more guttural,”[2] and a “small, humanoid figure, with sickly pale skin, completely hairless...”[2] In the last correspondence with Greg before disappearing and deleting his email account, David sends pictures of a three-toed footprint[2] allegedly found on his property and claims he is fleeing.

The “Hellier” crew never claimed that the creatures from the two stories were the same - just too similar to ignore. Geraldine doesn’t go as far into detail with physical description, however I have not read her other works. The one I did read describes the creatures as “a figure standing about three feet tall.”[1] “It glowed, and as it got closer, they could see that it had its arms in the air as if to surrender.”[1] It looked as if it had “two huge eyes that glowed yellow”[1] and “its legs weren’t moving; it seemed to float on top of the ground!”[1] The men would shoot at them, and “it sounded like a metal bucket being hit…” They explained to the police that the “little men” were “one color all over except for the glowing eyes”[1] and they had “a luminous glow, but when a light hit them, it changed to a dull metallic.”[1] The glow “got brighter when they were shot at or yelled at,”[1] and Lucky thought this may be their way of responding. Unless I had let the detail slip by, Geraldine makes no mention of the creatures chirping, or any sound. Moreover, these creatures made no effort to enter the house despite the windows and doors being open, and made no effort to physically hurt the family - they seemed to be toying with them, by returning unaffected after being shot at, touching Billy Ray’s hair, scratching the roof, and peering twice into the living room window. As terrified as the family was, Miss Glennie felt no need for Lucky to be shooting at them: “I don’t think they’re here to hurt us. Didn’t you all see how they were holding their arms up in the air? I think they are as much afraid of us as we are of them.”[1] In David’s case, the creatures went so far as to allegedly take his dog and break into his home.

Greg mentions the term “goblin” as a label witnesses used due to having no other way to identify the creatures.[2] Lucky thought they “look like some kind of little goblin or demon!”[1] and in Billy Ray’s response to Glennie wanting to see what the two men saw, he exclaims, “I hope that God-awful thing went back to whatever deep dark depths it came from!”[1] Despite Greg mentioning that the family thought they were from outer space[1], all Geraldine mentions (in this account, at least) is that the family knew for sure the creatures were “not of this Earth,”[1] but also clarifies that since they were deemed goblins or demons, “I guess at first it was easier to think that they were something from hell than from another planet.”[1] Another factor regarding the description of the “goblins” was that they were silver/metallic, not green. Early writing describing them as “little green men” stuck, and this infuriated Lucky; he wanted every detail to be told as it happened. In fact, early police drawings of the goblins display very large, pointy ears,[2] however this is another detail not mentioned in “Alien Legacy.” The morning after the attack, the family decided to try and carry on as normal. Billy Ray went hunting nearby with a friend while Lucky, JC and O.P. went to Evansville, and because Billy Ray was the first to return home, he was the first to hit the interviewers’ notepads. As everyone seemed frustrated with repeating themselves and not being taken seriously, he seemed to be enjoying the attention. Lucky came home to Billy giving a description that was slightly different, and he was being “a little more colorful than the rest.”[1] Billy’s descriptions were starting to be “a little more than what they seemed,”[1] much to Glennie and Lucky’s disapproval. This part of the story, to me, feels like an important detail often looked over, and because I hadn’t seen or read much of the story apart from what was described in “Hellier” until now, I assumed the large protruding ears were part of Billy Ray’s fabrication. Upon searching the drawings with captions included from Bud Ledwith (announcer from Hopkinsville radio station WHOP) who interviewed the family, Lucky, JC and O.P.’s goblin[3] did have “ears,” however much smaller and less pointed than Billy Ray’s.[4] In a correspondence between Greg and Geraldine, described in a 2015 article by Greg, Greg actually proposes, “...What if the creatures’ ears aren’t actually ears at all? What if they were part of a helmet? In fact, what if the creatures were in some kind of a suit? It would make sense of the glowing eyes and the tin-can sound when Lucky and Billy Ray shot at them.”[5] This was slightly strange to me, as the article does not mention Geraldine’s reply regarding the ears and suit, or it is possible she didn’t have one. However, it is explicitly quoted in “Alien Legacy” (published in 2007) that when Lucky was describing the goblins to police, he explained that “their body surface looked like skin, not a suit.”[1] If they also had the luminous glow that got brighter when shot at, their “suit” would be a little more visible in the moments they were hit. Nevertheless, Greg had an incredibly interesting theory: that the Kelly goblins had goggles and a helmet, but had evolved enough not to need them by the time they reached David’s house 60 years later, which is assumed to be directly connected to the 1955 location by the underground Mammoth Cave System.

Super-specific story details, while important, were not the main point of Geraldine’s retelling. She focuses largely on the aftermath of psychological and social torture the family endured after the incident. Like many cases, and despite its popularity now, it was swept under the rug, given the label of a hoax, and/or brushed off with multiple “reasonable” explanations. When hearing the many different versions of the story, it is assumed that when the family sought help from the Hopkinsville police, only the Chief and a few officers were called to investigate. Chief Russell Greenwell was the current Chief, and he contacted the Madisonville headquarters of Kentucky State Police, all state troopers available, and Fort Campbell Army Base, from which four military police were dispatched. Christian County Sheriff’s office also sent a deputy sheriff, and plenty of others showed up at the scene, including a hoard of residents from the surrounding area. Chief Greenwell apparently had mentioned that Air Force intelligence from Fort Campbell were present, but according to “Alien Legacy,” 1975 Blue Book documents state that the incident was never officially reported to the Air Force. Geraldine wonders, “There was no official investigation ever made… But if there was no investigation made, how was it possible to get copies of the investigation?!”[1] The government’s general response was that there was an issue of credibility. Glennie was described as a God-fearing woman who never wanted to do wrong in the eyes of God - she didn’t even want the two young men shooting at the creatures. “Glennie Lankford would not lie… And she certainly wouldn’t have raised her children to tell false stories.”[1] “Was it a lack of credibility because Billy Ray and Lucky worked for the carnival?... It was said they made up the tale from something they had heard before… Was it because the carnival traveled and they probably heard all kinds of tales?... They didn’t want any kind of publicity, and they definitely didn’t make any kind of profit from this story.”[1] Geraldine wonders if they were treated this way because they were poor and not well educated. “How does being poor and uneducated make you less honest? How many rich ‘honest’ people do you know?”[1] The Sutton property was littered with people from the moment the family returned from seeking help. It is often told that the morning after the incident was chaotic and crowded, but it lasted far longer than this - the commotion did not slow down for weeks after that night. Often mentioned in articles is the fact that the family began charging admission, but according to Geraldine, this was their method of keeping people away as not many had money to spare at the time. “[The Suttons] never collected one penny. This made people think that it was all a big hoax after all, and it just made things worse for the family.”[1] People ignored their wishes and privacy, continuing to camp overnight at the property, walking into the home, and even taking things.

To add to this, I personally do not understand why the story is deemed “the Hopkinsville goblin case,” as the family property was in Kelly, Kentucky. The family drove about 8 miles to the Hopkinsville police station to ask for help, and drove back with police (except for June, who was terrified and refused to ride back until later), where the goblins had apparently fled before the family returned. A version of the story that I’ve come across explains the “battle” as something more urgent, where police were called and arrived to join a shootout with goblins. The police found nothing and didn’t return until the next day, however the goblins did return, peered at Glennie through the window at 3:30am, and the battle continued until 5:15am, when they disappeared with the darkness of night. The Kelly goblin case was actually featured in season 2, episode 4 of History Channel’s “Project Blue Book,” but to my disappointment, it adhered to the narrative that maybe the witnesses had too much to drink on a hot night and hallucinated the creatures. When the police checked the Sutton house the night of the invasion, “it was suggested that they check for alcohol. None was found; nothing was found to suggest that there had been anything wrong going on there that night. The family was asked all kinds of questions, and they all stuck to the same story.”[1] “Miss Glennie didn’t believe in drinking or smoking or any of the bad things you could do to your body.”[1] 

The way “Hellier” describes the Sutton story was just their general way of conveying the similarities to David’s email, and in no way am I attempting to pick apart their details or “prove” them differently. I think they did a wonderful job making the connections, and I can say with good confidence that the series changed my life. However, I would like to point out that a large part of the stories mentioned in the series was the downright terrifying detail of the goblins terrorizing the children. While explaining Geraldine’s story, Greg reports that the goblins were “were looking in the windows, especially at the children,”[2] and compares it to David’s claims of the children being targeted and frightened of the creatures. It is often mentioned that the Sutton story is peculiar because all eleven family members had witnessed the goblins. According to “Alien Legacy,” “The children didn’t really see much, because they were hidden away in the back bedroom most of the night. All they really remembered was hearing the shouts and the gunshots.”[1] It is a possibility that the David email was a “creepypasta”-esque retelling of the Kelly case, in which he either overlooked the actual details, or made his story just different enough to pass as original, if it were meant to be a hoax after all.

Aside from all the misconceptions that undoubtedly come with stories like the Suttons’, the heartbreaking reality is that the family was forever haunted by not only the terror they experienced that night, but the everlasting public scrutiny and harassment. When Lucky and friends had to leave Glennie’s to go back to traveling for work, Glennie became worried that JC and O.P. wouldn’t be able to handle the situation like Lucky and Billy Ray could. She and her younger children moved to a Hopkinsville apartment, and she and JC sold the house to her niece and nephew. JC and Alene found a place to stay, but JC struggled with holding a job, the incident continuing to haunt him. Lucky refused to talk about it for years, but would occasionally tell his kids his story, realizing he “wouldn’t be with us forever.”[1] “The night changed his life, and the days after that made him bitter.”[1] Lucky passed in 1995, and Geraldine reveals to Greg that there are two other living relatives, but they refuse to talk because they were made fun of so much in the media.[2] “This family wasn’t only invaded by something possibly from another world, but by our own kind.”[1]

When the “Hellier” crew decided to do some “goblin hunting” in a sizzle reel for a separate production company, they went to Cave City, Kentucky, near the middle of the Mammoth Cave System. In a strange off-camera moment, a little girl approaches them and mentions excitedly that they’re monster hunters, and she replies that her parents, friends, and herself see “monsters” all the time. Jokingly, Greg asks if they’re under her bed. She replies, “No! They come out of the caves!”[2] She is asked to draw them, and first, strangely, she starts with feet that have three rounded toes,[6] incredibly similar to David’s footprint pictures, and to throw my hat in the ring: my sister’s drawing. The feet my sister drew[7] have four toes rather than three like these other two examples, but none of them show an existence of heels, and it’s uncanny. The child they met in Kentucky draws a head, with bulging round eyes and large ears.[8] My sister’s drawing also has these features[7], and so do the interview drawings from the Kelly goblin case.[3][4]

The second episode of “Hellier”[9] brings the crew to Hellier, Kentucky to investigate David’s claims and learn more about what these “goblins” really are. Documentaries like “The UFO Deception”[10] and “The UFO Conspiracy”[11] explain a bit about Jacques Vallee’s Interdimensional Hypothesis (IDH): Vallee speculated that beings that mask as aliens may be interdimensional rather than extraterrestrial, and that their appearance throughout history is planned to fit with cultural and religious perceptions of specific time periods (in 50’s religious Kentucky, a being with a description of “goblin” or “demon” fits perfectly into culture). Researchers that support IDH believe that beings that mask as aliens are not technically specifically from another planet, they are from other dimensions or realities that coexist alongside our own. With this hypothesis, Vallee compared UFOs to phenomena created by mythological creatures such as gnomes or faeries (that are also known to abduct). “Hellier” episode 2 documents the investigators asking the residents about local folklore and if they know of any stories or have seen anything strange themselves. Among the stories is the strange and all too common detail of hearing a baby’s cry coming from caves, where strange creatures are sighted most often. Greg’s wife and fellow crew member Dana begins making connections. Hearing crying babies “is a common thing that often happens around elementals or nature spirits.”[9] Greg interjects, “It feels very fairie-ish!”[9] and they mention that it “sounds like there’s a level of trickery there… Trying to trick you to go into a certain place, knowing how to play on human emotions to lead you to certain areas that you probably shouldn’t be in.”[9] Going back to Vallee, John Keel mentions Vallee’s term “metalogic” in his famed “The Mothman Prophecies,” explaining it as a concept suggesting that entities have a logic system different than ours, so when they try to explain something to humans, it ends up being absurd. However, either way, they have a need for deceit and urge to manipulate us through our beliefs or acceptances.[12] In short, they may create crying sounds to lure humans intentionally, knowing most humans would not ignore it. Keel is mentioned in “Hellier” as well, noting his concept of “audio hallucination” and his claim that the two most common sounds heard during times of high strangeness are a baby crying and car door slamming. Keel writes himself that since ultraterrestrials live outside of our space-time continuum, they fail to adjust, slowing speech and noises down or speeding them up too much.[12] They make all sorts of similar mistakes due to confusion of the time period, similar ideas to Vallee’s IDH. These theories point to possibilities that the “cries” could be malicious and intentional, but if not, they may be due to distorted attempts at communication or mimicking noises familiar to humans. The “Hellier” team decides to stay in Kentucky in a secluded cabin, and figure it makes the most sense to do some searching in their own backyard. Dana makes a general offering to earth elementals as she isn’t quite sure specifically what kind of entity they’re dealing with. Connor, another crew member, begins an experiment he and his ghost hunting partner Karl invented, the Estes Method.[13] It’s an incredible session for the group, but there was one part that stood out to me after reading “Alien Legacy.” Connor asks the entity in contact, “Who’s in the caves? Who’s in the mines?”[14] and it replies, “Talking rooster.” There is a second of confusion, then “it” follows up with, “No it’s not.” Everyone laughs, however this reminded me of the theories and explanations in response to the Sutton story. They all sounded ridiculous to Geraldine, except for one at first: the theory that the “little men” were actually eagle owls.[1] Could this entity be telling them that the creatures coming from the caves, and the ones seen in Kelly in 1955 are absolutely not owls? As mentioned above, it is believed that interdimensionals would have trouble communicating. Surely they would not be able to name every (if not any) specific animal by name with much ease. Later in the series, Dana performs a session with a device called a God Helmet[15], and senses that “they” communicate in what feels like colors or emotions, and only refer to a small database of English words.[16]

Regarding the type of creature goblins really are, I want to point out that they are not the only ones of their kind; they appear in folklore, UFO lore, cryptozoology and the practice of invoking elementals. Often when discussing goblins, I have noticed that John Keel and garudas are mentioned. Garudas are bird/human-like creatures popular in Hindu mythology, and he uses them to describe the bird-like creatures that plagued West Virginia from 1966-1967, which we have come to known as mothman sightings.[12] However, Keel does describe ikals: tiny black men endowed with the power of flight who live in caves and kidnap humans.[12] After Dana makes an offering to earth elementals in the cabin’s woods, they begin hearing wooden knocks. Greg decides to whistle to see if he would get a response, and he hears one back. Connor didn’t hear it as a whistle, but more like a “guttural croak” mimic,[14] immediately reminding me that David used “guttural” to describe the sounds his creatures made.[2] Later on, during Connor’s Estes Method session, Dana hears something peculiar: “It sounds like they’re throwing rocks the size of baseballs.”[14] This made me think of rock babies, popular folklore creatures in the Great Basin area that are faerie-like creatures with the ability to pass through rock. Apparently they are heard from caves, have the ability to steal human babies and replace them with non-human look-alikes, and will reward you with new skills (primarily musical) if you successfully enter their caves. At one point in their journey, the “Hellier” group enters a cave, and through the Estes Method, an entity instructs them to perform what they call “the tones,” a three-note melody, and “it” replies with “Very good,” when they sing it correctly.[17] This brings me to another connection: “faeliens,” a concept author Joshua Cutchin spoke on in an online lecture[18] to explain the ever-present connection between faerie and alien lore: for one, stature doesn’t have to be of a certain size. Light phenomenon is present in UFO, ghost, witch, and faerie lore (“faerie lights”). A sort of weapon/prop, or more commonly, “wands” are found in both alien and faerie lore. They are used to paralyze, which Joshua defines as being “faerie struck.” Both creatures worship the stars and are often seen as negative for not being directly connected to a certain religion, and they can fly, levitate other creatures or objects, and/or teleport. Faery rings and crop circles are not the same things, but both are very similar happenings. Faeries and aliens are both known to exist in underground habitats: “faerie land” is often considered to be underground or in caves, and the idea of underground bases has been a staple of alien lore or conspiracy. They are both popularly connected to animal mutilations and an obsession with children and reproduction. Changelings are a type of fae that are known to take children and replace them with sickly faerie babies (it has been a popular thought in culture that sickly children were deemed the evil work of changelings). This all connects to folklore creatures like rock babies, or the supposed alien obsession with human reproduction and creating alien/human hybrids. Along with many other similarities, alien and faerie lore share the common ability to create “missing time” for humans, and draw them to places (reflected in Dana’s concern with the crying sounds), an experience Joshua explains as being “pixy-led.” In “Hellier,” when discussing different terms that have been used for these specific “goblins” in question, Greg mentions tommyknockers.[2] Author Alexandra Chauran offers a kind of encyclopedia of elementals, and I found some interesting similarities in the descriptions. Knockers, black dwarves, coblynaus, gommes, paras, or wichlein, are earth elementals that dwell underground, popularly in European mines. They are short, seemingly appear out of thin air, enjoy making funny faces at people, and are named because they make knocking noises to communicate with miners. They “can be a friend or enemy”[19] depending on how they are treated, and if befriended, they will knock to warn miners of danger. They appreciate offerings, and dislike swearing or whistling (which would make sense of the croak in response to Greg’s whistle). Goblins do not necessarily match Alexandra’s description of gnomes, but I found two details especially interesting. Gnomes are earth elementals that “seek to understand the nature of earth’s molecules and with it, perform magic and alchemy,”[19] which is seemingly what the goblins in Kelly were doing when showing so much interest in the humans, floating, and deflecting bullets, almost like magic. They “experience time and space differently,”[19] which gives them the time to focus on “monitoring earth’s processes,”[19] but in her description, unlike the goblins, gnomes are not exclusively interested in humans. However, the concept of gnomes differing in time and space connects directly to Keel and Vallee’s breakdown of interdimensionals. Alexandra makes a point to mention that elementals can be dangerous, and one reason for this is the fact that they will often choose to stick to one person or place for a lifetime, (giving reason as to why the goblins stuck around the Mammoth Caves for so long) which can be detrimental as they have the ability to cause “negative real life events.”[19] This is a broad statement, but the series of events after the Kelly situation seemed to have tormented the Suttons forever, and belief in David’s story or not, he supposedly was traumatized enough to pack up and leave town.

As you can see, there are endless connections that can be made when discussing fringe topics, and maybe that’s why people have such a hard time accepting and understanding them. For example, Keel uses the term ultraterrestrial, and it can apply to a myriad of creatures, things, and phenomena. Joshua Cutchin, even when discussing “faeliens,” does not keep the discussion exclusively to faeries or aliens, and often even connects them to bigfoot lore. Everything makes more sense when you understand that it all, essentially, is interconnected. When the “Hellier” investigators venture to the woods surrounding their cabin, they have a moment of contemplation about what they’re really there looking for. Connor confidently tells Greg that it doesn’t matter - he received the email for a reason. “Maybe that’s this trip. Maybe that’s to find out what’s going on in this place.” Greg, seemingly more calm now, agrees: “Maybe it’s more than goblins. Maybe the goblins were just the key to getting people here… Maybe there is something stranger than goblins here. Or more important than goblins here.”[14] They soon realize that this rings true, but there is an overarching point here. It’s never really about the goblins. As the great Allen “F******” Greenfield says, you cannot chase one entity or phenomenon without researching and/or connecting everything, so: “Stop mistaking one phenomenon as the whole deal.”[20]

[1] Geraldine Sutton Stith, “Alien Legacy”

[2] “Hellier Season 1: Episode 1 | The Midnight Children”

“Goblin” print photo sent from “David Christie” to Greg Newkirk, as shown in Episode 1:

[3] “Little Men” as described by Elmer “Lucky” Sutton, JC Sutton, and O.P. Baker:

[4] “Little Men” as described by Billy Ray Taylor:

[5] “Return of the Kentucky Goblins: New Leads in a Case of Strange Creatures, Crashed UFOs, and the Men in Black” - Week in Weird

[6] Child’s “goblin” foot drawing:

[7] My little sister’s “goblin” drawing:

[8] Child’s “goblin” head drawing:

[9] “Hellier Season 1: Episode 2 | Ink and Black”

[10] “The UFO Deception” (2018)

[11] “The UFO Conspiracy” (2004)

[12] John A. Keel, “The Mothman Prophecies”

[13] The Estes Method

[14] “Hellier Season 1: Episode 3 | Trapped in a Maze”

[15] The God Helmet

[16] “Hellier Season 2: Episode 3 | Borderlands”

[17] “Hellier Season 2: Episode 6 | The Altar”

[18] This lecture is no longer publicly available, but you can find Joshua Cutchin here

[19] Alexandra Chauran, “Faeries & Elementals for Beginners: Learn About & Communicate with Nature Spirits”

[20] This lecture is no longer available, but you can find Allen Greenfield here

Elmer Sutton, John Sutton, and O.P. Baker

Kentucky Goblin, Greg Newkirk, Geraldine Sutton Stith, and Dana Newkirk (photo shown in “Hellier Season 1: Episode 1 | The Midnight Children”)

Handmade goblin by Geraldine alongside her book, “Alien Legacy”

Ufologist Ivan Sanderson with a scale model of a goblin

You can find the Alien Legacy website here

You can read the famed Kentucky New Era August 22, 1955 article here

[arcanesupern0va]

Down With The Rickness; Ch3: Scene Of The Crime

Summary: Vindicators 3: The Return of World Ender? Never heard of him either.

A/N: Thank you for reading this far and thank you so much for your continued support. ♥ So I think the next one is gonna be a Halloween inspired one. I watched a movie last night that I really wanted to just force Rick into so I think that's what's going to happen. Probably won't be anywhere near as oooey gooey as this one was but I can't resist making Rick a goshdang sap because it's my god given right. Hahaha. Be sure to let me know what you think! Unless it's mean and just generally not constructive in which case pls don't because I am soft and my feelings bruise easily.

CW: Thar be Drunk Rick here. And blatant use of an episode.  Pairing: Rick Sanchez/Reader Word Count: 6704

My ao3

Masterlist

~Rick In The Water~

|Ch2: Silhouettes|

Surprisingly, it was a horrid stench that woke me up, along with Morty gently nudging me into consciousness. I groaned, rolling over and bringing the blanket up to cover my nose and save me from the horrendous smell that had permeated the room.

“C-Come on Aunt Nova, we gotta go,” Morty murmured, shaking me again before standing up and moving away from the bed. “Rick, uh- He had one hell of a night last night.”

Whatever I had been imagining didn’t match what I found in the conference room. Rick was splayed out, completely coated with shit and sleeping peacefully despite it. I clasped my hand to my face trying desperately to purge the image from my brain before it made itself at home. I turned to focus on Supernova and Morty, turning my back on Rick completely.

“Good morning. Looks like your boyfriend had a long night,” she remarked. My cheeks burned as I peeked around her despite myself, seeing the full extent Rick’s mess went to. “Crocubot, why don't you escort Mr. Sanchez to a more comfortable spot so that someone can… clean up his diarrhea.”

“Whoa, I'm nervous about my first mission,” Noob Noob declared proudly, entering the conference room toting multiple weapons.

“Actually Noob Noob, you have a new mission,” Supernova told him coldly, flicking her wrist to replace the weapons with a mop.

“Got damn,” he said sadly, resigning himself to his new “mission”.

“Vindicators, prepare for arrival. Worldender dies today, with or without Rick’s help.” She ordered, leading us to the ship we would be descending to Worldender’s hideout planet in.

My head was still reeling as the ship took off from the main ship and soared down to Worldender’s planet. Morty kept me calm, explaining the different Vindicators to me before we were forced to drop down onto the planet from midair. Vance grabbed my waist with a sly grin, pulling me uncomfortably close to him before jumping out of the back and landing safely on the ground below. I pulled away from him quickly, only to be confronted with the pungent smell of burning flesh and rotting corpses as I surveyed my surroundings. Most of the planet seemed to be composed of corpses and bones and it just reinforced my assumption that the vast majority of space was just disgusting. Vance offered me a handkerchief to cover my nose with but I politely declined, not wanting to offer him any more of an ‘in’ than he already thought he had. I used the sleeve of my shirt instead, pressing it against my face hard enough that the skin ached around my nostrils from the pressure.

“A-Aunt Nova, are you okay?” Morty asked, looking up at me with concern plastered all over his face but noticeably unbothered by the smell.

“Y-Yeah,” I coughed, unsurprised the air tasted as bad as it smelled, “how are you so relaxed right now? This place fucking reeks.”

“Oh, Rick implanted me with a scent filter for my nose. There was a planet that smelled like burnt tires and rotten eggs and he got tired of hearing me complain about it,” Morty explained, “Sure, it’s based off Rick’s preferences so I haven’t smelled lavender and sweet pea in over a month but whatever you’re going through looks like it sucks.”

“So you can’t smell anything right now?” I asked, astonished.

“Nope,” he shrugged, “right now all I can smell is your shampoo and Vance’s cologne.”

“Must be fuckin’ nice,” I grumbled, staring at the ground ahead of me as we followed behind Supernova.

Drones approached us at an alarming pace but Supernova made quick work of them using the powers of whatever the “Star Mother” was. We advanced, only to come to a total dead end. This time it was Alan Rails’ turn, somehow creating a train to blast through the wall so we could advance further.

“Is it just me, or are their powers a little… stupid?” I whispered under my breath to Morty, only to earn an annoyed sigh.

“You sound just like Rick. These are actual superheroes, Aunt Nova. Most people just get movies but you’re actually in the presence of people that do everything they can for the better good,” Morty chastised.

“Like, I get that but even you have to admit they’re pretty lame. I mean, sure Supernova uses powers from some ‘Star Mother’ but like, the one guy is literally just an amalgamation of ants? And Alan can just call on the power of trains? Ghost trains? In what way could that possibly be helpful other than complete and utter destruction?”

“You don’t get it-”

“Aah! Gun Turret,” Million Ants interrupted us.

“Are you alright?” Supernova asked, concern flooding her voice.

“Yes. I only lost 400 ants. My queen is laying more,” he assured her as the holes in his chest mended in front of us, “I am back to one million ants,” he announced proudly as a look of relief flashed over Supernova’s features.

“Someone wake up Sanchez,” she demanded, glaring as she watched Crocubot toss Rick gracelessly onto the ground as Vance bent over him.

“H-Hey, wait- What are you doing?” I started nervously, as Vance pointed a finger at his face. Supernova shook her head briskly at me, holding up a hand as the tip of Vance’s finger opened and a blue gas emerged from it.

“Ugh,” Rick groaned, his bloodshot eyes taking in his surroundings as he familiarized himself with his location. “Oh, christ.”

“Oh, good. You’re up,” Supernova remarked sarcastically.

“Barely,” Rick growled, pulling himself to his feet.

“Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline?”

Rick grunted in response, pulling out a thermos as we watched him mix chemicals to produce a small creature. He held the plump creature over his eyes, squeezing it and relishing in the relief the liquid it produced offered.

“Ahh, that’s better,” he sighed, blinking away the bloodshot in his eye and looking around the room. His eyes fell on me and for a moment, a look of fear passed through them. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Rick!” Supernova shouted, irritated by the delay.

“I can’t help if I can’t see,” Rick shot back, shaking away his concerns for a moment and pulling out a small roving device that scurried over the floor into the line of fire. The top opened to allow a transparent disc to absorb the bullets before it spit out three compact discs that morphed into small robots. They climbed on top of each other, propelling themselves up onto the turret and fixating themselves over the barrel. Rick winked at me before jumping in front of the turrets in a ‘ta-da’ pose and I felt my heart drop as the turrets began shooting. I’ve moved to go after him, to pull him out of what I assumed to be certain doom but he turned to face me, grinning like a madman as the turrets fired until they exploded.

“And that’s how you do it, baby.”

“I could've just used a ghost train,” Alan grumbled, shoving past Rick and continuing through the door.

“Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train?” Rick gloated, rolling his eyes as he looked around the room. “H-Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train!” The rest of the Vindicator and Morty pushed passed him, mumbling under their breath and shooting looks of disgust and irritation at Rick as they passed.

“Is there coffee?” Rick asked, stopping Morty as he pressed on past his grandfather, the disgust and irritation even more prevalent on his face than the rest of them, “H-Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing?”

“Get it yourself,” Morty shot back, going around his grandfather to follow the rest of the team. As I passed him, that same look of fear covered his face as he looked me over, making sure I was okay. Once he seemed satisfied, he turned away to follow the group silently. We navigated the halls to Worldender’s lair in silence, Rick focusing in on Morty to avoid having to face me.

“You’re sni-uuuuurp-ppy this morning,” Rick remarked, following closely behind Morty while also keeping a watchful eye on my progress behind him.

“Just focus on the mission, alright,” Morty snapped, not interested in anything his grandfather had to say at this point.

“Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh?” Rick said mockingly, glaring at the back of the Vindicator’s heads.

“Rick…” I called out gently, trying to relieve Morty of the punishment of dealing with his hungover grandfather. Rick turned to face me finally, a bit too eagerly for his liking it seemed as he groaned and stopped in his tracks to wait for me to catch up.

“H-Hey, Nova,” he grumbled as I caught up, “You shouldn’t have come.”

“And what, miss out on all the fun?” I chuckled. “Seems like you’ve had one hell of a night.” I watched him carefully, trying to ignore the part of me that was simply relieved that he was awake.

“Yeah, I got, uh, upset,” he shrugged, sidestepping a corpse as we entered a large room.

“I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine,” he said, cutting me off. “What are you even doing here? You know this is supposed to be incredibly dangerous right?”

“I figured you’d be here,” I shrugged, holding my arm against me and rubbing it.

“Jesus,” Rick muttered, shaking his head.

“Son of a steam engine! They're all dead!” Alan interrupted before Rick could say anything else. I took the room in only to find it littered with corpses, posed in various sex positions.

“Why would Worldender do this to his own men... and several women?” Crocubot asked, confusion leaking into his robotic tone.

“Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing,” Vance said, rolling his eyes. Rick kept moving forward, not interested in the massacre only to step on a hidden panel on the floor. A large hook bearing a corpse swung down from the ceiling in front of us, leaving Vance to cry out in horror, “What the fuck?!”

“It’s Worldender!” Supernova exclaimed, “What happened to him?” Worldender let out a weak moan, alerting us that he was still alive. I stared in horror as the monster on the hook gurgled in agony at us, unable to form any true speech.

“I sense his life force is fading,” Million Ants remarked, moving closer to take a better look.

“Million Ants, ladies and gentlemen! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!” Rick snarled, unable to help himself. Worldender sputtered some more before an organ flew out of his mouth. “All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty, Nova?”

“Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now!” Morty exclaimed nervously, looking to me for assistance.

“He's right. This is far from over,” Supernova insisted, hovering over to Rick.

“Well, have fun with that. But we have a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes, and a full alligator to meet in, like, an hour,” Rick dismissed her, ready to head back through the door to the lair. As he turned to leave, however, a large shutter descended in front of him. It missed him by a hair as all of the exits sealed up immediately and left only one remaining door. The Vindicators and Morty prepared themselves for a fight but Rick grabbed my arm and dug into his lab coat for his portal gun, only to come up empty.

“Shit,” I murmured, the real terror of the situation descending on me quickly, realizing whatever had locked us in here truly had us stuck and Rick didn’t have a way out.

“I sense the presence of a greater evil,” Million Ants remarked looking around the room as if whatever it was would pop out at us immediately at his revelations. A large monitor descended from the ceiling, much to my surprise and it immediately cut to a video of a very drunk Rick.

“Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyy,” Drunk Rick held the last word out as we all turned to look at him.

“Well, it's official. I had too much to drink last night,” Rick remarked sheepishly, not quite meeting my eye.

“Rick, what did you do?” I asked nervously, my eyes darting around every corner.

“To be honest with you, I don’t really remember,” Rick admitted quietly, his eyes still trained on the monitor.

“ If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators,” Drunk Rick slurred, adjusting the camera to assure he was in the frame.

“R-Rick… buddy…” Vance started, training one of his wrist-mounted pistols on Rick as he looked him up and down cautiously, “What’s, uh, what’s going on?”

“Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout,” Rick told him flatly, gesturing up at the screen.

“Obviously?” Supernova demanded, exasperated, “You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something ‘obvious’ to you?”

“Look, I'm a lit-little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours,” Rick replied nonchalantly. Supernova opened her mouth to speak again but instead trained her attention on the screen.

“...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game,” Drunk Rick mumbled, pointing to the left where a spotlight flashed on and illuminated a large board with each of the Vindicators on it along with a defining trait for each of them.

“Rick, what did you do?” I demanded again, eyeing him nervously myself now.

“Is this a ‘Saw’ thing?” Morty asked angrily, moving closer to the board to investigate closer, “Are you ‘Saw’-ing the Vindicators?”

“I’m a drunk Morty, not a hack,” Rick snapped, looking around the room nervously.

“I certainly hope you idiots didn’t bring Nova with you because if you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in *uuuuurp* ‘Saw’,” Drunk Rick finished clumsily. Rick’s eyes met mine nervously and my mouth went dry.

“Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this,” Rick hurried off quickly looking for a plug while the rest of us stared up at the screen as Drunk Rick continued his tirade.

“Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll *uuurp* all die.”

“Screw this, I’m not playing his game,” Vance declared. “I'm gonna find us a way out of here.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said we'd die if you tried to leave,” Rick reasoned, stepping in front of Vance, “I really don’t give a fuck about you but I can’t let Nova die, why in the hell did you assholes let her come again?”

“I informed her of the risks yesterday, she seemed assured that you would keep her safe,” Supernova told him coolly, much to his irritation.

“Th-this guy probably knew she’d be too stubborn to listen to any of you assholes so here’s hoping he didn’t go too crazy with the booby traps.” Rick was trying to convince himself as well as the rest of us as paced back and forth.

“Why are you acting like that's not you?!” Vance demanded hysterically.

“What part of ‘blackout’ don't you understand? I thought you drank?” Rick snarled, looking up from the floor.

“Like cool drinking! Like sexy drinking, not this psycho trailer-park shit!” he bellowed, looking around the room for some kind of reassurance that he was in fact not the crazy one.

“Vance, stay calm…” Morty said cautiously, bringing Vance’s wrath down on him instead.

“Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket?! You're the learning-disabled kid we do photo-ops with!” Vance reamed Morty, his breathing quickening with every syllable. I moved to step in, to defend my godson against the sudden onslaught from his heroes when he shook his head at me quickly and swallowed his hurt.

“Okay, ouch, but-”

Vance began hyperventilating fully again, fanning his face against the red that was inching its way up from his collar. “Okay, this... this is triggering me. I need space. I-I need SPACE! FROM THIS!”

Before anyone could stop him, Vance engaged his rocket propellers after eyeing a conveniently placed vent in the ceiling. He shot his way up to it, ripping away the grate and flying into it. Sounds of saws and gunshots echoed as we could do nothing but watch as Vance’s legs contorted in agony before plummeting back down and landing in front of us. We stared in abject horror as one of the rocket boots kicked back to life and started flying around the room leaving a trail of blood in its wake.

“I really wish I could say I was sorry about that one,” I murmured numbly, staring at the rocketing foot until Crobubot finally took aim and shot it out of the air. “What the fuck is going on right now?”

“H-Hey, Nova,” Rick started, moving closer in an attempt to comfort me but I winced away from his touch, “it’s gonna be okay, I’m not going to let-”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe!” Alan interrupted, grabbing Rick by the throat and holding him against the wall.

“Wait, no!” I grabbed Alan’s arm, trying my hardest to pull him away from Rick. I may not be able to reconcile all of this away right now, but I still couldn’t bear to watch him hurt. Alan looked over his shoulder for a moment, pushing me down to the ground with a malicious glint in his eye that was all too familiar before returning his attention to Rick.

“Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh,” Rick answered coldly, strange electricity covering his body before Alan was launched back away from him. “And because, like I said, I don't remember last night.”

“I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back!” Alan bellowed from the ground, shooting a dirty look over his shoulder at Supernova.

“Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me or if you touch another hair on Nova’s head, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train,” Rick snarled, taking a step toward him and leaning down to really drive his point home.

“Guys!” Morty called over to us, “I figured it out.” While Rick and Alan had been fighting, Morty had taken to solve the puzzle Rick had set up for the Vindicators. “I figured I didn’t want to die so I better actually figure this shit out before this asshole gets us killed.”

“Congrats! You did i-uuuurp-it!” Drunk Rick slurred proudly when the monitor flashed back on. The door opened, revealing our path forward.

“It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you,” I murmured, reading the descriptors and matching them up to what little Morty had told me about the Vindicators, “Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different.”

“That's always his point,” Morty affirmed, despondent.

“Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the three of you,” Supernova said contemptuously, hovering past Rick and me.

“Th-Three of us?” Morty exclaimed, looking heartbroken before he turned his ire to Rick, “I hope you're proud of yourself!”

“Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe.”

“That's not the issue, Rick!”

“Ahh, it would've been if I hadn't.”

*+*

We made our way through the next room, losing Crobubot in the process. Drunk Rick appeared on another monitor again, this time sporting a deerstalker cap and presenting a large map for the puzzle of the room. Crobubot’s confidence had chosen to reveal even more questionable backstory about the Vindicators from when Rick hadn’t been with them. This time it was concerning an entire planet they had to destroy because they couldn’t locate their target at the time, something called Doomnomitron. I was stuck watching in real-time as glimmers of hope and respect Morty held for the team started to rapidly deteriorate. Rick pointed out that he could’ve just created a device to seek out Doomnomitron but apparently it had been Alan’s call not to call Rick back.

Morty solved the puzzle yet again and the in-fighting only worsened as we made our way into the next room. This time Drunk Rick was wearing one of my old Hawaiian t-shirts, holding up a coconut filled with more booze.

“Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room,” Drunk Rick sputtered as his head rolled around loosely on his shoulders. “I'm so fucking drunk. Nova’s going to be so mad at me in the morning. Jesus Christ, she better not be in here with you.” Rick’s eyes met mine, unspoken apologies and frustration boiling over. “Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eyes, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers.” Lights came on to light up a basketball hoop and a small bomb rigged to blow. “Let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii,” he rambled, his head resting on the desk for a moment. This time, however, the video didn’t cut out and just continued playing as Drunk Rick struggled to keep the contents of his stomach within.

“Jesus Christ,” Rick murmured, staring at himself on the screen before Morty grabbed his arm and dragged him over the neutrino bomb.

“M-Maybe I should take N-Nova to Hawaii,” Drunk Rick mused, stifling down the urge to vomit as he rolled his head back and forth on his workbench, “She thinks I hate her… The fuck is she thinking? I can’t even get up in the morning without thinking about her.”

“O-Oh,” I blurted out, my eyes glued to the screen as Million Ants and Supernova made quick work of the Three Pointer Challenge and Alan Rails started accusing them of some alleged infidelity. Rick’s eyes were still trained on me, however, much to Morty’s chagrin as he continued disarming the bomb without Rick’s help.

“I mean, s-she’s not the brightest when it comes to my work but sh-she’s just brings me so much peace. Like a stupid amount of peace that I don’t deserve,” Drunk Rick continued almost incoherently, “She doesn’t expect me to be the s-smartest guy in the room and sh-she’s never wanted me to solve all of her p-problems even though I’ve tried like hell and p-p-put more effort into her problems - oh, fuck I’m gonna puke - th-than I’ve put into anything else in my life. I-I-I don’t know, sh-she’s just so-so-so special to me. And sh-she keeps asking me what’s wrong and I-I-I don’t know how to explain it to her. I-I-I can’t get drunk and tell her, I mean look what do when I’m just mildly irritated with Morty,” he rambled. I couldn’t stop the watery giggle from falling out of my mouth as my eyes flicked to Rick again. He and Morty were struggling with the drunkenly improvised bomb but my small outburst didn’t go unnoticed by Supernova behind us.

“Something funny to you, girl?” she hissed, her voice wavering. I tore my eyes away from the screen to find Alan, well, everywhere. While I had been enraptured in the drunken ramblings of the emotionally closed-off man I’d fallen in love with, Supernova’s affair with Million Ants had come out into the open. The fight had turned deadly when Supernova had confirmed Million Ants’ superiority in the bedroom, leaving the sentient ant colony to defend the woman he loved. The fight ended when Million Ants possessed the Ghost Train Conductor or whatever the hell he was and exploded him from within, surprisingly killing the “undead” man.

“I-I-I wasn’t- I-I-I didn’t,” I stammered as she descended towards me at an alarming pace.

“You think you can just wander through here while all of my friends are killed at the hands of your… boyfriend,” she spat the word out as though it left a disgusting film in her mouth. “Who’s to say you deserve to live when my team has reduced to shambles.”

“You touch her and what happened to your friends will seem like a day in the park after I’m done with you,” Rick threatened lazily, barely looking up from the bomb as Supernova drew closer.

“Rick!” I squeaked, trembling as the cosmic grew closer, the energy from her righteous anger pulsing around her.

“She’s not going to do shit,” Rick said dismissively, focusing in on the bomb as Morty’s attention was drawn away. “There we go. Disarmed.”

“Y-You’re supposed to be heroes!” Morty bellowed, standing up to face the cosmic atom bomb in front of me. “She hasn’t done anything to you! Leave her alone!”

“Morty- Don’t,” I urged him, as he moved closer to the ticking time bomb in front of me. His words seemed to have an effect, however, and the pulsing around Supernova shrunk as she stood down.

“You will all pay for Rick’s crimes,” she declared coldly. With a flick of her wrist, cuffs appeared around our wrists. “I don’t want you three disappearing once this is over, all of these deaths are on your hands.”

“Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy,” Rick scoffed, quickly searching the black bands around his wrists for a way out but coming up empty.

“All of them,” Supernova hissed, launching one of the planets hovering around her into Rick’s groin. I moved to rush to his side, only to be launched away from him with another of her planets. “Not so fast. Rick won’t leave you behind, judging by his drunken ramblings, so you’re what I like to call… insurance.” Million Ants made the final three-pointer, allowing the door to open to one final room. It was a simple room, only a small pedestal sitting in the middle of it.

“All right, by now, I've been pretty clear that I think the Vindicators are full of shit,” Drunk Rick slurred on the monitor, taking a bite out of his piece of pizza, “But... you do have one thing I'll never have and probably another that I probably won’t have much longer. The first is the only part of the Vindicators that has any value to me and the second the most amazing thing in the room, besides me. So if you know what they are, place them on the platform. Guess wrong and the pla-planet will explode. And probably the solar system, 'cause I kind of fucking eyeballed the neutrino bombs on this one.”

“So what's the trick? Morty, you're the Drunk Rick expert,” Supernova asked callously, looking between Morty and me.

“I think for the first one... no matter what we put on there, we die. He said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave.”

“Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions!” Supernova glared, looking around at each of us.

“I-It could be Morty,” Rick admitted reluctantly.

“What?!”

“Hey, I don't know,” he shrugged. “I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. We all heard all that shit from the last room. It's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying ‘Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you.’”

“That is a... really specific guess,” Million Ants remarked.

“Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got.”

“But you're betting our lives on it,” Supernova said accusingly.

“I'll cover that bet. I get it,” Morty said smugly, heading for the platform.

“Wait, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment,” Rick said urgently, “I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or-” A loud ding rang out and everyone let out a sigh of relief before a chair shot up and scooped up Morty.

“Oh, shit,” Rick swore, staring at the now-empty platform.

“Alright. The second one?” Drunk Rick demanded expectantly.

“Well, go ahead, Nova.” Rick nodded at the platform in frustration.

“M-Me?” I stuttered. “I just watched that thing eat Morty. I don’t think I’m in a hurry to hop on up.”

“Look, he said the most amazing thing in the room. It’s definitely none of these assholes. Do you really think I’m going to hurt you, drunk or not?” Rick said flatly. I walked up to the platform hesitantly, glancing at Rick one last time before another seat appeared, dropping me into a cardboard Tunnel of Love.

“Jesus Nova, couldn’t just stay out of the line of fire could you,” Drunk Rick chuckled, twisting his hands over as I floated down the long tunnel. “Look, I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick and I’m really sorry you had to go through all of these hacky shenanigans to prove my point to the Vindicators and Morty. I brought you down here because I just didn’t know how to tell you how much I was struggling with all of this. Watching you hurting- Seeing you walk out into that lake and not come back up. Jesus Nova, you know you’re everything to me, right?” His voice cracked and the tears welled in my eyes instantly. “It’s not like I can’t relate though, believe me. When I came back, it was just to give Beth some closure before I killed myself but when I saw you- when I saw the way you looked at me, something changed in me. For once, I can’t explain it.

“I’m sorry for leaving you with these assholes too, by the way. I thought you were going to come with me like you usually do and when you didn’t I just- I don’t know, I took it personally I guess. I got about twenty minutes away before I shut my damn ego up and flew back.” The cart pulled up to the final monitor and much to my surprise, Drunk Rick was crying. “I can’t do this without you, Nova. Please, despite all of the logic in your brain, please don’t give up on me.” I bit my lip, fighting back tears as I stared at the broken man on the screen in front of me. “So just, you know, think about it okay? Whatever you want, I’ll accept but I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry I couldn’t just say this to your face. I’m just… so sorry. Alright Nova, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you later.” The cart sped back up the track and soon I was being raised back up through the platform. Morty looked less than amused standing next to his grandfather but I started to rush into his arms, only for one of Supernova’s planets to launch me back to her side.

“Not so fast, girl,” she hissed. The room shuddered and the entire platform began rising from under us.

“I sense this means we’re not dying,” Million Ants said, surveying the room.

“Not all of us,” Supernova said darkly, using her telekinesis to hold Rick, Morty and I up by our throats.

“Sweetheart…” Million Ants started gently, moving toward Supernova.

“Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good,” she replied irritably.

“Titty-Bean?--”

“Greater Good?--” we sputtered under her force-grasp that grew tighter with each movement.

“It's like you said, Morty: there's no right or wrong,” Supernova hissed, hovering closer to Morty.

“Never said that!”

“It's the galaxy's faith in the Vindicators that keeps the galaxy secure!”

“Yeah, I feel safer already,” Rick muttered sarcastically.

“No doubt. Who do we make the check out to?” I replied, meeting his gaze for a moment.

“Titty-Bean, listen to me. When you came to me, I was merely a sentient colony of ants. It was your beliefs, your pursuit of justice, that taught me to be a man,” Million Ants said soothingly, pulling her closer to him. We fell to the ground, sputtering for air as Supernova became distracted with Million Ants. Rick pulled me into his arms, desperately clinging to me for dear life as he patted my hair down.

“When did it get so complicated?” she asked mournfully, nuzzling into his hand.

“Who knows? But we can make it simple again.”

“You were always the romantic,” she remarked sadly before taking a step back from him, her eyes narrowed. “Which is why you can't leave either.” We watched in horror as she dug her hand into his chest and extracted his Queen Ant, crushing it in her palm. “Goodbye, my love.”

“Damn! She double-crossed Snuzzles!” Rick exclaimed, pulling away from me momentarily as she descended upon us.

“Silence! I'm going to enjoy this,” she hissed, raising her hands in front of her. As I buried my face into Rick’s chest, airhorns interrupted her attack as the platform finally reached its destination.

“Let's give a huge thanks to Rick Sanchez for killing Worldender, putting this awesome party together, and for booking one of the hottest talents out there: Logic!” an announcer called out and a spotlight descended upon us. Supernova lowered her hands, realizing the sheer volume of witnesses surrounding her.

“Look at that. Geez, I must've planned a whole party. Invited a bunch of people. Not bad, Drunk Rick, not bad,” Rick said, pulling himself to his feet before extending a hand out to me and pulling me to my feet. As Logic started a song about the Vindicators, Supernova slipped into the crowd, much to Morty’ dismay.

“Rick! Supernova’s getting away!” he shouted, pointing at the section she disappeared into.

“Oh well,” Rick shrugged, dancing along to the song.

“But… she was trying to kill us!” Morty retorted.

“Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em,” Rick assured him flatly. “J-J-Just enjoy the festival, alright? I’ll worry about her later.”

It looked like just about everyone had gotten an invite as Beth, Summer, and Madi squeezed through the crowd over to us. I hugged Madi tightly before Summer pulled her into the crowd to introduce her to some of the friends she’d made adventuring with Rick.

“So, I’ll just assume nothing is going to happen to her here?” I asked Rick nervously, watching her hair bounced as Summer pulled her behind.

“Look, I invited Beth to this, she should be safe.” I narrowed my eyes at him, unconvinced but he just groaned, grabbing my hand. “Come on, let’s party.”

*+*

When we finally got home, the exhaustion from being in a life or death situation hit me like a truck. The moment I fell into my bed, I was out like a light. When I finally woke back up a day later, I was surprised to find Rick sprawled out next to me, sleeping peacefully with his arm draped over me. I carefully extracted myself from underneath him and made my way to the bathroom, desperate for a shower. As I opened my door, I found Morty headed in the same direction.

“O-O-Oh, hey Aunt Nova,” he mumbled, his eyes trained on the ground in front of him. “W-Were going to take a shower?”

“Y-Yeah, but you go ahead. I waited this long, I can wait a little bit longer,” I assured him, moving to head back into my room.

“I-I-I heard what Rick said, in the Hawaii room,” he said quickly, grabbing my wrist. “I’m not saying I was wrong about him, but I get what you see in him, I guess. A-A-And, I guess how he feels about you too? He’s still a dick and piece of shit a-a-and you deserve better but-”

“It’s okay Morty, I understand,” I assured him quickly. He looked relieved, waving as he headed for the bathroom. I went back into my room to find Rick stirring, sitting up and rubbing his eyes as he looked up at me.

“I was starting to think you were in a fucking coma, you know,” he yawned at me.

“I don’t know, something about almost dying just makes me really tired, not sure what that’s all about,” I shrugged sarcastically. “Speaking of which, we should probably talk about all of that.”

“Yeah, I get a little… dramatic when I drink. Sorry about that,” he groaned, standing up and stretching.

“Well, yeah. That was something else, but I’m talking about what happened when I got up on the platform,” I said cautiously, watching his face for a reaction.

“What about it? I don’t remember anything from that night? I probably just called you like, super pretty for five minutes,” he said defensively. “Did I say something fucked up? Morty was not happy with me after coming out of his.”

“N-No, not quite,” I chuckled. “No, it was more along the lines of you being worried I was going to leave you or whatever. You know that’s never going to happen, right? A lot of bad shit has happened since you’ve been back. I’ve been kidnapped, you killed my husband and maybe even my parents but you haven’t fucked up nearly as bad as you may think you have. I probably wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for you.”

“Well, I mean, if that Rick was going to come kidnap you then you would probably just be stuck living on the Citadel and hella fucking confused,” Rick argued awkwardly.

“So not the point,” I groaned, rolling my eyes at him. “Look, all I’m trying to say is you don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going anywhere. Effectively, you’re stuck with me.”

“Are you okay? With everything that happened?” he asked hesitantly. “Being with me, it’s not a normal life and it never will be.”

“Rick, not to sound cliche but my life has literally never been normal. As long as you bring me home now and then so I can see Madi, I could literally care less. Just don’t leave me, okay?”

“Nova, I told you already, I don’t think that’s possible,” he assured me. “Even that twenty minutes I left you with the Vindicators and Morty was hell. I tried to get back as soon as I could but by the time I got back, you guys were gone.”

“Look, I get it. I’m not going to say it was okay because it wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination but I get it,” I reasoned. “I was drunk and being a dick.”

“Welcome to the club, sweetheart,” Rick laughed, holding his flask up in solidarity. “We’re gonna be okay, right?”

“Oh, I hope not. Putting my neck on the line all the time is half the fun of being with you.”

“I love you too, brat.”

+Ch4: Every You, Every Me+

[purpleswans1]

The Sports Festival

Here’s another one for my Villain!Izuku AU that won’t be tagged for Villain Month despite using the prompt “Quirk.” Unfortunately there are basically no canon villains in this one, unless you count Endeavor *glare at that flaming trashcan*

Read also on FF and AO3.

The day of the UA Sports Festival, Izuku made the executive decision to watch the event in person. He justified it to Uraraka by saying he wanted to observe contestants the cameras might not focus on, but in reality it was to avoid Tomura for a while. His brother had become insufferable since the failed attack on the USJ, especially since he blamed Izuku for the failure.

To be fair it had been Izuku’s plan, but he really didn’t need to be around a grouching Tomura when his failure against Kachan was still fresh.

Still, this was a wonderful opportunity. He’d bought tickets at the last minute so he was stuck in the nosebleeds, but that was just fine with Izuku. He had some decent goggles, and he was less likely to be recognized that way. He wasn’t wearing much of a disguise -- just a green hoodie and some sunglasses -- and was going to be relying on his inconspicuousness to keep the authorities off his back. He did have his gun and a knife hidden in his hoodie, but he’d rather not use them. He was able to get to his seat without incident, so the disguise must be doing some good.

The festival took place over the course of 3 days, one for each grade. Usually the volume of spectators gradually increased each day, with the 1st years attracting the least amount of people, but this year more people showed up on the 1st day than usual. This didn’t affect Izuku, but he did wonder whether it was because of his attack on class 1-A.

It was likely that the world was expecting more from that class now, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Anyway, the opening ceremonies were pretty much the same as every year. As soon as the announcer invited Kachan up to give the oath, Izuku knew that his former bully was going to do something ridiculous. He did feel somewhat vindicated when all the other students yelled at Kachan, so that was a plus.

The first event was an obstacle course. Izuku took note of a few quirks being used creatively -- Mineta’s strategy certainly wasn’t very sporting, but one couldn’t argue its effectiveness -- but overall was underwhelmed by the display. He already knew a lot about the capabilities of 1-A, and most of the other classes were not going out of their way to show off. Izuku wondered if this was an actual strategy or if they just didn’t have that impressive abilities.

Well, they are only 1st years. They have 3 years of schooling to get through before they’d be expected to act like pros.

The final obstacle was a minefield. All of the students either walked around them carefully or used their quirks to glide across, which was pretty standard reaction. Izuku kind of wished there were more creative students among them, since controlled explosions could be very useful, if you were daring enough. Even Kachan, who should know better than anyone else how to use explosions, didn't capitalize on the mindfield's potential. He just used his own explosions to fly over the mines, not daring to touch them.

As such, it wasn't surprising when the student with the most powerful quirk -- Todoroki -- won the race, with Kachan as a close second. Izuku was happy to see his old rival humiliated, but was still disappointed the first event ended without anything interesting.

The second event was a cavalry battle. Izuku had high hopes for this one, since he could gauge the student’s teamwork. An individual hero was only as powerful as their quirks and their training, but a team could fly high or fail spectacularly depending on the group dynamics. Izuku could get all the information he wanted on quirks and individual stats using the school’s database, but he could only judge the future heroes’ teamwork by watching events like this. The way students chose teams might also showcase their analytical skills, but he didn’t have high hopes on that front.

They were only 1st years, after all. He’d figured out a long time ago that people with strong quirks usually only focused on their own abilities and didn’t consider how they could work with other quirks. UA did a decent job of breaking them out of that habit, but it took time.

Izuku tapped his pen on the edge of his notebook. I wonder what it would be like if I could give these future heroes tips on working together.

He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind and focused on the cavalry battle. No point in dwelling on what-ifs.

Izuku was pleasantly surprised by the cavalry battle. With 1-B’s poor performance in the obstical course he’d dismissed them, but both they and a few gen-ed kids were the true stars of this event. True, both Kachan’s team and the group supporting Todoroki remained in the top two spots the entire time, but the other top spots were a fierce battle between the rest of 1-A, a few noteworthy 1-B teams, and this one group in complete synergy headed by a gen-ed student. The top four ended up being team Todoroki, team Bakugo, the team headed by Monoma from 1-B, and the group with that tired-looking gen-ed student named Shinsou.

Looks like the 1-B students deliberately hid their powers to give themselves an edge, Izuku thought. Not a bad strategy, but it can only be used once and defeats the publicity purpose of the sports festival. Then again, they’re getting 2 more chances to show off like this over the course of their high school career, and not many people usually watch the 1st years. Plus, the one-on-one battles are where individuals can shine so they could have been counting on getting to that point which wasn’t smart since only 16 students get that far…

“Uh, you okay kid?” a nearby man asked. “You’re muttering to yourself.”

Izuku jumped. “Oh, I’m so sorry! It’s an old habit! My teacher and brother keep telling me to stop it, but it always slips out when I’m concentrating or overly enthusiastic about something.”

The man laughed. “It’s fine, kid. I was just worried about you.”

I should probably get away for a while; he might try to start a conversation and ask questions. “Hey, mind letting me out? We should have some time until the next event and I want to beat the line to the bathroom.”

The man graciously let Izuku out of the stadium row. Izuku quickly gathered his stuff -- just a few spare notebooks, his laptop, and his wallet shoved in a backpack -- and headed down the stairs, looking for a secluded place he could review his notes.

I need to look back over my stats on those 1-B students. I should also check the school’s database for info on that gen-ed student… I shouldn’t have focussed only on the hero courses; there’s usually a few kids from gen-ed who get bumped up to heroics by the end of the year.

The closest bathroom was jam-packed -- apparently, everyone else was taking advantage of the break before the main event. The same was true for the bathroom on the next floor down, and the next one. Izuku kept descending, looking for somewhere he could work in peace. Even an unlocked supply closet would be fine, but he didn’t see any of those.

Eventually, Izuku reached the bottom of the stadium, where he’d entered. He still didn’t have a place to work where nobody would see what he was doing. He did see another set of stairs, going even further under the seats.

Maybe there will be less people down there, Izuku thought as he walked down the new staircase.

He was right; there were significantly less people down there. The dark hallway would have looked abandoned if it wasn't so clean. It reminded Izuku of the setting in a horror game, where the player was led into a false sense of security before the monster popped up in a jumpscare. There wasn’t enough light for him to read his notes, but his phone had a flashlight and his laptop was fully charged.

Izuku turned a corner and sat on the floor, firing up his laptop and pulling out his notes. The light from the screen gave him just enough for him to make out his handwriting, but only when he tilted the notebook a certain way. He found the notes on 1-B as quickly as he could, but gave up after a while since he could get the same information on his computer anyway. He had a trojan horse installed on the school’s database, so it didn’t take much for him to hack into it again.

He was still shuffling through the information he needed -- Mind Control certainly explains how that one team was able to be in perfect sync -- when he heard a raised voice echoing along the hallway.

“You need to stop this childish rebellion! Use the quirk I gave you already!”

A much softer voice replied, but Izuku wasn’t able to catch what was said.

“Don’t you dare talk back to me, boy!”

That’s Endeavour, Izuku realised. He put away his laptop and stood up. What’s Endeavour doing yelling at someone at UA’s sport’s festival?

Izuku knew he should have just left. He had all the information he needed. Endeavour was a pro hero, and wouldn’t hesitate to arrest someone like Izuku, especially after the role he played in the USJ attack. It would be in his best interest to just leave and blend back in with the crowd.

Without even thinking about it, Izuku’s feet moved, taking him down the hall in the direction of Endeavour's booming voice.

“You are my successor, Shoto!” Endeavour said. “You were born with both powers in order to surpass All Might!”

“I will not be what you want me to be.” The softer voice replied.

Izuku peaked around the corner. Endevor’s back took up most of his view, but he could also see a familiar boy with two-toned hair.

Why is Endeavour shouting at his son Shoto?

“I am your father, and you will do what I tell you!” Endeavour shouted.

Shoto’s face was impassive, a stark contrast to his father’s emotional outbursts. “You’ve controlled everything in my life. How long I have to spend training, who I get to spend time with, even what I eat. My school and my career path were both decided for me, as your masterpiece. You may be able to control all of those things, but you don’t get to decide how I use my power. I will become a hero without using my fire, just to prove that I can.”

Endeavour stormed off, walking through a doorway behind Shoto. “You won’t make it that far. You need my fire, it’s the only way you'll surpass All Might.”

“I don’t care about surpassing All Might. I just want to get away from you.”

Endeavour continued to stomp off, leaving Shoto in the darkened hallway.

Izuku breathed a sigh of relief.

“Who’s there?”

Izuku’s breath caught. Did he hear me?

Shoto walked forward and turned the corner, staring at Izuku. “I don’t think anybody but the contestants are supposed to be here.”

“R-Realy?” Izuku laughed, feigning innocence. “I’m sorry, I just got lost looking for a bathroom…”

“It’s fine.” Shoto’s face remained impassive, not giving Izuku any hint as to whether he was suspicious of not.

Izuku tapped his fingertips together. Common sense said that he should leave well enough alone, but… “It sounds like you two were having an argument. Do you want to talk about it?”

Shoto turned away. “It’s nothing you need to concern yourself over.”

“Oh, okay.”

The hallway was silent for a few minutes, until Shoto spoke up. “I refuse to use my fire in battle. He doesn’t like that, since I’m supposed to be his successor.”

Izuku frowned. He had noticed that Shoto hadn’t used the fire half of his quirk in either the USJ or this Sport’s festival, but he hadn’t thought about it much. He figured it was because ice could be more versatile, it could contain a villain without much injury, or just personal preference in training. He didn’t realize it was a conscious, controversial decision. “Why don’t you want to use your fire?”

“It’s his quirk.”

So, is it some family trouble? Izuku wondered.

Shoto sighed. “I hate my father. He’s obsessed with surpassing All Might, but knows that’s not possible with his own limitations. So, he decided to train me to do it for him. He’s been training me with my quirk since I was four years old.”

Izuku sucked in his breath. Wow, I thought Endeavour was terrible for how he used excessive force on low-level villains, but this…

“Mom tried to protect me, but… It was too much. She hated him, hated being in that house, and eventually reached a breaking point.” Shoto touched his face, where an ugly, red scar marred his features. “She said my left side was unightly, that it reminded her of him, so she took the tea kettle and…” Shoto didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to.

Fuck. “Do you hate your mother, for doing that to you?”

Shoto stopped, contemplating Izuku’s question. “No, no I don’t think I do.” He sounded surprised, like he’d only just figured that out. “I understand that it wasn’t really her fault, that my father drove her to that point. Plus, she was always trying to protect me. I guess it’s not fair to hate her for one act of anger, especially compared to the years of abuse we’ve both suffered under my father.”

Izuku thought about the people in his own life. Sure, Tomura and Sensei both were cruel to him at times, but compared to the years of bullying he received from Kachan… It wasn’t that bad, right?

Right?

Well, at least he still had some good times with Tomura-nii, while he couldn’t remember why he put up with Kachan for so long anyway.

Stop thinking about that. “I’m really sorry all that happened to you. I can understand why you don’t want to use your fire, but are you sure you want to keep handicapping yourself?”

Shoto frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, most quirks dealing with extreme temperatures have a side effect on the user’s body temperature. I know that Endeavour gets overheated if he’s pushed too far, and I’ve noticed your body was accumulating ice during the last two events. I imagine that using both powers would allow you to keep your body temperature under control.”

“... You’re not wrong. That is the reason my father deliberately married a woman with an ice quirk.”

“Exactly!” Izuku nodded. “I know you hate your father, but I'm sure there are less self-destructive ways to get back at him.”

Shoto didn’t say anything.

“I’ll tell you what,” Izuku pulled out his phone. “How about we exchange numbers? I’d like to help you get away from your father, if I can.”

Shoto pulled out his own phone, firing off a string of digits Izuku added to his contacts under the name “Shoto Todoroki.” He then sent a text to his new contact.

Me: Hi! I’m Izuku Midoriya.

Me: Go ahead and add my contact info.

Shoto’s phone vibrated and he read the text. “So… Your name is Izuku?”

“Yep! Feel free to text me at any time. I’m homeschooled, so you don’t need to worry about interrupting me during class.”

Shoto nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He pocketed the phone again. “I… Well, thank you for listening. It was nice to finally get that all off my chest.”

“Well, isn’t that what friends are for?”

“Friends…” Shoto frowned. “I wouldn’t know. I never got the chance to interact with kids my own age growing up… and I think most of my classmates are scared of me.”

There was a pang in Izuku’s chest. “I kind of get where you’re coming from. Until about a year ago, I hadn’t interacted with anyone other than the people in my house very much. It’s nice to have a friend on the outside.”

An announcement rang out through the stadium. Izuku couldn’t hear the exact words due to the echo, but he was sure the next event was about to start.

“Looks like I need to get to my seat if I want to see the action, and you need to ge ready for your fight.” Izuku started walking towards the lit doorway, but thought of something else he wanted to say.

He turned around, and although Shoto’s features were obscured by shadows, Izuku noticed how his body stiffened.

“By the way, would you do me a favor and kick Katsuki Bakugo's ass?” Izuku asked. “He doesn’t deserve to be a hero.”

Shoto walked forward. When the light reached his face, Izuku noticed how determined he was. “I’ll do that, so long as you promise to do everything in your power to help me get revenge on my father.” His eyes bore into Izuku’s own. “Including whatever you used to get into the USJ.”

Izuku froze. He recognized me!

Shoto was up the stairs and on his way to his classmates before Izuku could even think of stopping him.

Izuku took a deep breath. It’s fine. If he warns the heroes, I’ll just hide until I can go home.

Still, he couldn’t stop looking over his shoulder every other minute as he walked back to his nosebleed seats.

He continued to worry about who Shoto might tell. That is, until the Final Battle of the 1st year’s tournament, when Shoto Todoroki won 1st place by using a giant fire blast against Katsuki Bakugo.

----------

The 2nd years weren’t particularly impressive. Izuku took a few notes on how those students had developed since the year before, but otherwise considered the whole day a waste. He should have stayed at home and helped Uraraka train her quirk.

The 3rd years were also more of the same, with one key exception.

Mirio Togata.

Izuku already knew to keep an eye out for the big three thanks to web gossip. Tamaki Amajiki fell out of the running early on (Izuku suspected it was stage fright) and Nejire Hado exhausted herself in the first round of the tournament, but Mirio Togata continued to distinguish himself.

Izuku knew that Mirio participated in a work study that would have improved his fighting abilities, but to go through such a dramatic growth…

No, this isn’t natural. Something else is going on.

And so, Izuku watched Mirio closely. Marked his stats, his changes, his moves. Eventually it became clear that it was mostly Mirio’s physical strength that had improved so drastically. Sure, his technique and super moves had evolved, but it was his strength that gave him the edge in all these structured events.

During the final battle, Mirio didn’t even use his permutation quirk, just his fists. It was like watching a pro boxer or even…

All Might.

Izuku was watching every detail of Mirio’s fights, so he was probably the only person who picked up on the faded, yellow energy surrounding his entire body. It shone just a little bit brighter when he was about to attack, and followed him even as he perminated through things. I crackled like lightning, and appeared to be the source of this new strength.

During the final match of the tournament, Mirio’s opponent was almost able to push him out of bounds, but the yellow energy grew brighter than ever before, focusing around his arms. Mirio released the energy in a magnificent punch strong enough to not only send the other fighter out of bounds, but produce a wind blast that affected the entire stadium.

There is no way that was the result of normal strength training.

Izuku continued to analyze Mirio as he stepped off the stage, nursing a mysteriously broken arm. He noticed a spinely, blond man approached the boy and embraced him. It could be a congratulatory hug from a proud relative, but their features were too different to be a close relation.

Izuku taped his chin. What are you hiding, Mirio Togata?

------

Izuku locked himself in his room for three days following the sports festival. Both Kurogiri and Uraraka tried to drag him out to at least eat, but had to leave plates of food outside his door when he wouldn’t budge. Even Tomura was worried, from what Izuku could make out through his door.

Still, he didn't regret it. Izuku couldn’t handle distractions right now. He had some idea where he went wrong with the USJ incident -- essentially, underestimating the students because they were only first years -- but the mystery of Mirio Togata was the issue he spent most of his time on.

First he looked through the boy’s history -- every grade, every sports festival, every status update from his time at the Nighteye agency -- but couldn’t find any clues. He went through family history and their connections -- the blond man from the sports festival wasn’t anywhere close on the family tree -- but still came up with nothing. No predisposition to mutation quirks, no connections to questionable experiments, no support personnel who may have snuck something in.

It’s like Mirio Togata spontaneously developed another quirk.

Izuku was about to contact Sensei and ask if he’d given a UA student another quirk without telling anyone when he remembered there was another person capable of passing on a quirk.

Could it be…?

His research then pivoted from finding every detail about Mirio Togata’s life to uncovering a certain Pro Hero’s secrets. He found data on the number of incidents resolved by each hero per year. Most fans on the hero forums attributed the sudden data change six years ago to lack of media coverage, but Izuku knew better. He watched hundreds of amateur videos on a particular hero to compare the forces of a punch. He catalogued everything from more than six years ago to present day and looked for trends.

What he found was so obvious he should have noticed it a long time ago. He would have, if he hadn’t been deliberately avoiding the relevant information.

All Might’s time doing hero work had been steadily decreasing over the last five years, but his overall strength had remained the same until 10 months ago. Then, both his time as a hero and his overall strength started decreasing rapidly.

Combine that with what Izuku had noticed at the sports festival, as well as their mutual connection to the Nighteye agency, and there was only one conclusion to be made.

Izuku wrote it in his notebook, clear, bold letters describing a world-shattering truth:

Mirio Togata has inherited One For All from All Might.

Izuku leaned back and took a deep breath. All Might had passed on his power, and Mirio Togata would one day fight All For One.

I should tell Sensei. He needs to know.

Izuku knew this was true. If Sensei found out that Izuku had figured this out and didn’t share the information, he’d be mad. All For One had been gravely injured in his fight against the eighth user, so he needs to start preparing now if he has any hope of surviving the ninth.

But… For some reason, Izuku didn’t want to share this. It was a piece of information he’d slaved to uncover, and he didn’t want to give it up just yet. This information gave him a miniscule amount of power over All For One, and he wanted to savor it.

Or maybe it was something else.

Whatever the reason was, Izuku closed his notebook, put it up in his desk, and left to eat dinner with Uraraka, putting the new discovery out of his mind.

[smutfornerds]

The Dating Game // Team Flash x Reader

A/N: ahhh babes this was so fun!! this idea came straight from our Wells discord groupchat! The lovely @itsprongs has a sister fic series that you should 20000% go read to get further immersed into the wonderful world of Wells boys fighting for your love. Hope you all enjoy!! ps it’s ‘team flash’ because literally everyone is in this and I didn’t wanna spoil who wins!!!

Also no smut here! Just fluff and funnies!

—

A loud and obnoxious squawking jolted you from a deep slumber. Creaking your eyes open you found that you’d apparently left your window cracked when you fell asleep, and now a less than friendly crow was perched on the telephone poll outside to help you start your day. “Thanks for that..” you muttered sleepily, reluctantly sitting up to slide the pane fully closed. You stretched, a yawn engulfing your face while you heard your phone buzz on your headboard. Reaching up for it you saw three missed calls. A humorless laugh spilled from you and you flopped back onto your bed reading the names of all three iterations of a Mr. Harrison Wells. An hour ago, HR. He left a simple but blabbery voicemail asking how you were doing and if you were coming in today and if you could bring coffee. Twenty minutes later, a call and text from Harry. A short but sweet ‘Rise and shine, we need our seamstress.’ The idea that Barry or Cisco had ripped yet another hole in their suits made your fingers ache. Finally one last missed call from Sherloque, the little eyeglass emoji he’d placed beside his name making you roll your eyes in frustration.

These men were relentless. Every minute of your day at least one of them was begging for your attention, most days being two of them biting each other’s heads off while the third distracted you. It never ended, each day bringing new things for them to bicker about or new ways to try to win your affection. The week before, HR and Sherloque had gotten lost in arguing over who was a better romancer, and while they debated Harry led you off to his lab to where he’d made a Big Belly Burger picnic on the floor. He won that argument. The following day, the detective made you a sample tray of tea while giving you a much needed shoulder rub. To top it off, Friday night had ended with HR twirling you around the training room to flirtatious swing music and half a bottle of rosé in your veins. You were in system overload by the weekend and had holed up in your apartment for the entirety of it, keeping your phone on silent and catching up on housework and reading. It was helpful in clearing your mind of the ongoing battle but of course the tauntingly bright and early Monday morning would thrust you right back into their games, unbeknownst to you quite literally.

Not bothering to respond to any of them, you opted for texting Cisco that you’d be there in an hour. Being a hermit indoors for three days meant you needed a shower and a fresh face of makeup to hide your eye bags. Waiting until you got a ‘good to go!’ in response you hopped into the steaming water to ease the growing tensions about facing the Wells boys again. Each one held a special place in your heart, and when you were alone with them it made it so hard to keep your feelings for the others in check. Rinsing the suds from your hair you finally shut the water off and wrapped yourself in a towel to start getting ready. You’d showered faster than anticipated so you took the time to perfect your hair and outfit. The green sundress you wore let your white bra peak out slightly but the lace was a nice touch to your outfit so you didn’t mind it. Slipping your black sneakers on you reluctantly headed for Star Labs. The last thing you expected was the Cortex to be empty. It was 11 AM on a Monday, usually the entire team was packed into the room discussing one thing or another about one meta or another. Today though it was silent. A notecard was perched curiously on the keyboard at the main desk and you lifted it to read what was written. ‘Let the games begin! Meet us in the lounge.’ It wasn’t signed but you’d seen enough of his love notes to Iris to know that was Barry’s speedy chicken-scratch handwriting. Your eyes narrowed at it trying to decode his words but you sighed defeatedly as you headed downstairs.

Once you exited the elevator you could hear a murmur of voices float down the hallway. As your footsteps approached though they were shushed, rather violently, until you walked in and your mouth fell open. The entire team was gathered on the couches, sans the three lookalike lover boys of yours. Cisco and Ralph stood - in disastrously bright blue and yellow colored suits - on a newly made platform, three cubicle looking squared off areas beside them. Behind the group was a softly buzzing scoreboard, and you read over the words ‘contestant 1, contestant 2, contestant 3’ in a column along the side of it. Your eyes scanned the entire room never faltering from your stunned expression. Quickly Iris fell into a fit if giggling and Barry followed soon after, shushing her softly. “This is not happening..” you muttered and began to turn on your heel to run, but before you could even about-face, the speedster whirred you into the chair on the make-shift stage. In front of you all your friends’ faces shown how amused they were and you glared at all of them equally. “So this was a group effort I take it?” You hollered over to them and they collectively let out laughs and hums of pride. Their smugness caused your shoulders to slump back into the chair.

Beside you Ralph cleared his throat and Cisco posed obnoxiously stoic with his face fixed in a classic gameshow-host grin. The shorter male began their little show. “Welcome, Team Flash to the first, and hopefully only,” he paused and Ralph joined him now. “Wells Dating Game!” Your friends all erupted in clapping and yelling, making your face burn even redder. Finally breaking from their charismatic personas, the boys turned to you with wide smiles. “We’re sorry for the ambush, we just can’t deal with them fighting over you all the time anymore.” Ralph mused. “None of them are getting any work done!” Cisco rattles out, and finally you let out a nervous giggle and nodded. “So this was your idea?” You pointed an accusing look to him and he held his hands up defensively. “Don’t look at me, look at the elongated hopeless romantic.” He side eyed Ralph and your focus went to him. He stammered for a second before giving you as much of an innocent smile as he could pull. With another heavy sigh you held your face in your hands for a moment before taking a deep breath and facing everyone again. “So.. how is this even gonna work?” You asked sheepishly. The vindicated smiles and high fives that lingered through the group made you wonder if this is what they’d been doing all weekend long. (It totally was.)

“Each of the three objects vying for your affection will occupy those lil buddies,” Ralph pointed to your left at the secluded little areas they’d built. “And you won’t be able to tell who’s who.” He beamed proudly but you narrowed your eyes at the pair of pastel dressed bozos before you. “Okay, but... one of them has an accent, and the other two speak in completely different octaves.” Expecting defeated faces you were taken back by Cisco’s excited gesture to his right hand, a small remote in it. “Not a problem! Vocal distortion mics boomed up to them will erase all traces of dialect, tone and any other giveaways of which is which.” He stood proudly with his hands on his hips and you couldn’t help but laugh. “So thorough, I should’ve known.” You quipped and he simply nodded. “You really should’ve. Alright, all we have to do now is choose a voice for them to sound like. It’s preprogrammed with almost everyone here and some celebrities, so I guess take your pick?”

Cisco stepped forward to where you and all the Wells’ could see him and him them. He pointed to one of them as he clicked the remote for the devices. “Say something.” Your head glanced over to the wall next to you and for the first time you desperately wished you had Kara’s X-ray vision. “Hey hi hello.” The voice came out in a low and rumbling tone, you recognized it as Joe’s voice. From the couches Iris scrunched her nose and shook her head. “I don’t need to hear them say what they wanna do to her in my dad’s voice!” She cupped her hands and hollered, causing a general consensus of nods and a shudder from Barry. You chuckled and shook your head at Cisco. “Next.” You stated and he clicked the remote again, now pointing to a different one of the Wells and he spoke up. “Who is it this time?” The smooth and cunning voice rang out and everyone groaned. It’d been a while since you’d heard Leonard Snart’s chilly voice but it wasn’t doing it for you and you shook your head. “Makes me uncomfortable. Try someone that won’t make me feel awkward or intimidated?” Your words hit Cisco’s brain and he nodded enthusiastically knowing just who to switch it to. Finally pointing to the final of the three men he spoke up. “Have we decided then?” The soft and adorable tone of Caitlin’s voice drifting through the room and you nodded once. “Perfect! Not weird, not creepy, just sweet lil’ ol’ Caity cat.” You smiled over at her and she playfully blew you a kiss. “Alrighty then, ladies and gents we have a game to play!” Ralph hollered and the group erupted in cheers again and finally you laughed along with them, letting your nerves shake off with each huff.

Cisco stayed in his place in front of all of you. Ralph took a seat near you with a small switchboard in his hands. With a wide grin, the raven haired meta cleared his throat and fell back into his overzealous persona as he began. “Question number one! Contestants, if you could take our blushing beauty on a date anywhere in the multiverse, where would it be and why?” He paused and waggled his eyebrows gaining laughter from the group. “Contestant number one?” He pointed to the cubicle closest to you and you waited, Caitlin’s voice echoing the words to the air. “Preferably somewhere close to home. Can’t be too far when things.. progress.” The words made you giggle solely because of the voice saying them, but you still felt a hint of pink hit your cheeks knowing one of the Wells’ had truly said it. Cisco playfully fanned himself before continuing. “Contestant number two?” The next male cleared their throat trying to sound deeper but the vocal distortion device made that impossible. “Somewhere tropical. Hawaii maybe, or Barbados. Seduce her on the beach, make love to her in a beach house.” Again the words made your face tint but you couldn’t help but laugh. Caitlin sat in the audience stifling her own giggles hearing her own voice say such raunchy things about you. “So glad that’s not my dad’s voice..” Iris mumbled and the group all chucked slightly. “Alrighty, finally contestant three, where would you take the lady?” For a moment it was silent like he was thinking and finally he spoke up letting the woman’s voice lend him his words. “Wouldn’t really matter I’d just want her with me.” From the couches, Iris and Caitlin both loudly let out an “Aww!” You giggled at their antics but the words stuck with you. Cisco finally strolled over to you and held his hand out as if a microphone were in it, though it was very much empty. “Alright, which Wells gets the point this round?” It didn’t take long for you to give an answer. “Three.” You stated flatly and the group grinned, each one of them knowing who you’d chosen but you none the wiser. Cisco nodded and motioned to Ralph, who hit a single button before him and a slash shown on the board next to ‘contestant 3’.

“Moving on to question 2,” he cleared his throat and sighed. “This one’s not entirely appropriate. But it’s what needs to be asked.. contestants, how would you woo the lady during a night of passion?” Your eyes went wide and you felt your face glow like a neon light. “Oh, my god..” you mumbled and rubbed your temples softly. In the mock-audience, Iris and Barry ‘oooh’-ed playfully. Sighing you looked back to Cisco and motioned for him to get on with it. “Contestant three, we’ll start at your end this time.” He pointed to the end little stall with a grin, and whichever man cleared his throat coming out like a delicate squeal and you couldn’t fight the small burst of laughter as he started. “Take her hands in mine and lead her to bed, kiss every inch of her and tell her how gorgeous she is before.. making love to her.” The last few words were rushed out, and you didn’t know if it was due to nerves or being unnerved by hearing it in your best friend’s voice. Despite the tone it still made a lump form in your throat at the thought. Beside you Ralph cleared his own throat to remind him the voice did not fit the body. With a sharp nod you let Cisco continue. “Oookay.. Contestant two?” There was another pause as the man seated in the middle thought over his words. “Light copious amounts of candles, have slow sensual music playing. Maybe give her a less than innocent massage to lead into the night.” It was still strange to hear Caitlin’s voice but it was getting easier to ignore when you just focused on the words. Your heart fluttered a bit at the scene this man had painted. Cisco turned ever so slightly to face the Wells closest to you. “Finally contestant one?” This round you noticed Cisco didn’t repeat the question and you knew it was because it made his face flush from secondhand embarrassment. “Why would it matter? The moments lends itself to letting things happen without a need for a plan. So I would just live in that moment.” You could see Iris pout at the sentiment and bring a hand to her chest. You laughed softly at the action and just shook your head. All the answers had been good ones, but you could only have one winner each round and the choice made you nibble at your lower lip. “Which Wells wins this round?” Cisco repeated the alliterative phrase and you draw in a slow breath before answering. “Two. I’m a sucker for mood music.” Again your face flushed pink and Cisco chuckled at your response as Ralph clicked a point for ‘contestant 2’.

“Okay folks for the next round, we’re going to let our leading lady ask her own question!” Again Cisco walked over to you with his invisible microphone and you stared up at him sheepishly, giving a small shrug. Your mind was drawing a total blank on anything to ask, being put on the spot definitely didn’t help. Piping up from behind you, Ralph made a suggestion. “Ask if they’re all the same size.” You whipped around to him with your mouth gaping, and he just gave an unbothered expression. “What? Doppelgängers or not we were all thinking it.” You shook your head quickly at Cisco. “No, no no, that is not the question.” You stammered and heard one of the men to your left huff a laugh that sounded like a schoolgirl giggle with their warped voice. “Uhm.. I guess, why do you think I should I choose you?” You spoke just loud enough for them to hear and Cisco stepped back again to point to contestant three first in the end cubicle. “I want to do right by you and for you. You inspire me every day to be better than I have been.” You nodded with a soft smile, before the next man spoke up without even being prompted. “I for one don’t have to change for you to love me fully because I already fully know how to love you.” His words came out in a sweet sing song tone and you giggled at the high pitch. Finally Cisco shot a pointed finger the the square closest to you. “Because in the multiverse, so far you’re the only person that actually truly makes me happy.” Each one’s words struck you differently and you grimaced at your own answer knowing what it meant. “I gotta go with one.” Team Flash all gave their own dramatic gasps as the scoreboard tied up. “Ooooh it’s neck and neck and neck! This tie breaking round will round up the game!” Cisco jumped with genuine excitement but you felt a trillion tiny spiky butterflies erupting inside your stomach.

The male flipped his hair over both shoulders before sighing, eyes floating over all three men and landing on you. While he spoke he kept his eyes in you, each word coming out slowly. “Do you love her?” The question hung in the air and you felt as if you were going to pass out. That was not a conversation you hadn’t planned to have with any of them any time soon let alone in front of all your closest friends. Cisco didn’t ask for a specific contestant however, he just let it linger for a few seconds more. “All of you are going to answer at the same time. On the count of three.” Feeling your stomach do a backflip you covered your face and whined into your hands softly. “One..” This must be what dying feels like. Hot face. Clammy hands. Racing heart. “Two..” Matched with heavy breathing, and your feet impatiently tapping on the floor you gave a deep sigh before Cisco delivered the final, “Three.”

“No.”

“No.”

“Absolutely.”

The words all overlapped each other but the one outlier stuck out like a sore thumb. Your head snapped up and you saw the shocked expressions on everyone else’s as they simply stared at the corner box. Cisco was absolutely beaming. “WITH THAY WE HAVE OUR WINNER FOLKS.” Your heart raced but you stayed planted firmly in your seat, your legs wouldn’t move. “Please remove your voicebox and greet your Misses.” Watching as Cisco motioned the ‘winning’ Wells out of his hiding place you listened as the footsteps clicked toward you until those beautiful blue eyes met you - from behind his two toned glasses. A rare bright and goofy smile was spread across Harry’s face and he had his hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets as he finally stepped towards you and you saw Sherloque poke out from the box beside you, HR shuffling off the stage from the middle cubby. Admittedly you were relieved; he was undoubtedly the smartest of the men and had the best wit about him. And he was always the one to put the most effort into keeping you happy without being over the top. Something had told you he was contestant 3 when he gave the answer about simply wanting you. Harry was a very simple man. And now, your simple man. Without saying a single word you hopped down in front of him and planted a kiss on his triumphant lips. His strong arms glided around your waist like they were meant to be there. Behind you your friends clapped and cheered, Caitlin comforting a sullen looking HR and Sherloque wandering off to bury his feelings in his tea. Once the group had all filed out Harry took your hands in his gently, rubbing the backs of your knuckles with his tough fingertips. “Come on..” he mumbled, beginning to tug you along the hallways. The way he’d answered the second question replayed in your mind and you happily followed close behind him, giving his hands a squeeze as you hurried him to his room just a bit faster.

[juliabohemian]

Being a Loki fan: My Journey from Excitement to Despair and back to...Nope, Still Despair

I'm warning you up front that I might say something in here that offends you or that you might not agree with. If that's the case, unfollow me, block me, do whatever you have to do. But do not reblog my shit or comment to argue with me or try to change my mind about anything. I have zero fucks left for people who want to argue about Loki. Less than zero.

When I saw the first Thor movie, my immediate impression of Thor was that he was a bully, that he was a violent, impulsive, pompous ass. And that was not a surprise at all. Because Thor is a classic hero, meaning that he is intended to have a fatal flaw. I honestly thought that the purpose of the film was to show him coming to terms with this flaw (or flaws), and striving to overcome it.

So, when Thor was banished to Earth and it became clear that the plot was headed in that direction, I genuinely expected Thor’s process of overcoming his flaws to include acknowledging what a dick he had been to his brother, and making things right with him. When the movie ended with Loki trying to kill himself (yes, that's exactly what he was doing), I fully expected that the next movie would pick up where the first had left off. I thought that Loki's trauma regarding his adoption and his jealousy of Thor would be addressed.

When I watched the first Thor movie, I had never seen Tom or Chris before. But it was only Tom's performance that had resonated with me. And when the movie ended... I wasn't thinking about what a great guy Thor was, for getting his hammer back. I was trying to figure out how he got it back when he never sorted things out with his brother.  All I could think about was Loki being so devastated that he would rather fall to his death than go on. I thought...no way could they just leave it there. 

When Loki showed up in Avengers wielding the scepter and behaving like a man possessed, it was clear to me that Loki was not operating of his own volition and might actually be doing so under the threat of death or torture. So, I thought SURELY Thor would notice his brother was behaving strangely and address it. Surely Thor would wonder why his brother was suddenly interested in ruling a realm that he had previously given zero fucks about for the first 1000 years of his life.

Nope. Thor sold his brother out to the Avengers after 3 seconds, even making light of the fact that he was adopted (in case there was any doubt that Thor had been made aware). Thor spent the movie trying to stop Loki, made only one minor attempt to figure out why he was doing what he was doing. Loki stabbed his brother with the smallest knife he could find -which to me was an obvious show for whomever was controlling the "would be king". I was genuinely horrified to see Thor taking Loki back to Asgard with a muzzle on his face.

Fast forward to The Dark World. Loki is on trial for his "crimes" on Earth. Which I found strange because he comes from a realm that pillaged its way to the top via violence. Loki’s trial was hardly even a trial, since no real questions are asked about what he did there or why he did it. Loki's insecurity is off the charts when it comes to Odin. So, I did not expect him to admit to being tortured or mistreated or coerced. I thought it was even possible that Loki thought Odin might be impressed by what he'd done, especially if he’d been brainwashed beforehand. What I did not expect is for Odin to coldly tell his already devastated son that he was being sentenced to life in prison and should basically be grateful that he wasn't being executed, since he was never supposed to survive past infancy to begin with.

Thor broke Loki out of prison, only for his own personal gain. Not because he missed Loki or wanted connection with him. Just because Loki had something he needed. That’s it. And Loki, desperate to avenge his mother's death, allowed himself to be used. When Loki was killed, I was sad. But it was bittersweet. He’d sacrificed himself to save Thor, to avenge his mother. I thought it was a good end to his story. In fact, it probably should have ended there.

But then came the post credits scene...Loki is alive! Okay, I was admittedly glad. But my brain began exploding with ideas. I hadn’t written any fanfiction in a long time. Suddenly I was thinking about doing it again. There were so many possibilities. And if Loki was still alive, that meant it was still possible for him to reconcile with his family. Thor could still make things right with him. So could Odin. His issues could be resolved.

Sometime between Age of Ultron and Ragnarok, I decided to join the fandom online. Although I'd been a fan since the beginning, I had avoided online fandom because it had been a source of stress for me in the past. I thought perhaps things had changed (spoiler alert -they haven't) and that I could find like minded people who were also eager to see Loki vindicated, and perhaps even receive proper apologies from Thor and Odin.

This is the part that you might find offensive. This is the part that will require you to show some restraint and just press the "back" button or unfollow me, instead of feeling compelled to argue.

What I found was a hot mess of people who were either obsessed with Loki's sexuality, or whose perception of Loki was skewed and distorted.  

The first wasn’t completely a shock. I've been in and out of fandom since before the internet existed. Slash is hardly new. But what shocked me was that with the wealth of issues this character had developed in canon, people's focus seemed to be how hot it would be to see him taking it up the ass. Not just taking it up the ass, but from his own brother no less. Still can't wrap my head around that one and please don't try to explain it to me. I’m not kink shaming. It just does nothing for me, personally.

I have slashed many characters. I have no problem with homosexuality. My issue with people insisting that Loki is gay is that it validates toxic masculinity. How? Because you are basically agreeing that Loki not meeting the standards for typical Asgardian masculinity means that he must be attracted to other men. Studious? Likes to read? Doesn't want to beat the shit out of people for fun? Graceful? Dresses nicely? Must be gay. Saying Loki is gay is validating the stereotypes asserted by those who insisted there was something wrong with him because he was different. The other reason it's offensive is because most people don't even slash Loki because they identify with his marginalization. They slash him because Tom Hiddleston is hot and even I can't deny that it's fun to think about hot men fucking other hot men.

I want to point out that I don't have a problem with fanfiction. People should write whatever pairings they like. Write every pairing. That's what fanfiction is for. I’ve written lots of slash fanfiction. I'm talking about the aggressive and frankly asinine insistence that Loki is some kind of gay icon, or that any future depiction of him should somehow validate that belief. This phenomenon (which seems fairly isolated to Tumblr) continues to baffle me. If Loki were gay in canon, I would have no problem with it. But the fact is, he’s not. He’s not straight either. he’s not anything. Because his sexuality isn’t relevant.

Sometimes I wonder if people really do want to see representation in canon, though, or if it’s actually the slashing of straight or ambiguous characters that turns them on. Take Versailles, for instance. There’s a delicious canon gay pairing (Prince Phillipe and Chevalier) two extremely hot men who are madly in love and who actually fuck on the show, several times. Where is the excitement about that? Nowhere. That’s where. I could barely find anyone online getting excited about it. If you haven’t watched it, by the way, you should. I did you not, never has two men kissing been so beautiful. But I digress.

Then there’s the other group of people who have reduced Loki to a hetero sex symbol. Their perception of Loki seems to include either a “50 shades of grey” Loki who wants to dominate them, or a “Disney prince” Loki who wants to marry their Mary Sue or self insert OC. And this was not a shock either, frankly. Every attractive male character has such a following in fandom. I was just surprised that someone like Loki, who has SO much substance, didn’t have a larger chunk of his fanbase dedicated to exploring something outside of banging him

Then there were all the people who were convinced that Loki was a bad person, evil, a murderer, wanted to commit genocide etc. I don’t have time to go into that here. Because I’ve written enough about that already. I was genuinely shocked that so many people had watched the same movies that I had watched, but had somehow come away from it completely missing the beauty and depth of this character.

For me, personally, the focus of my interest in a character is almost always to see their storyline properly resolved. If that storyline doesn't involve their sexuality (which I'm sorry, but Loki's doesn't) then I would consider exploration of that to be unnecessary and a waste of time. I absolutely despise is when a character has all kinds of shit going on and writers get lazy by throwing a love interest at them. I'm pretty methodical in that regard.

So, I entered the fandom before Ragnarok, and amidst the anticipation of Ragnarok. I was very excited to see the film. My expectation was very high that it would include some kind of resolution of Loki’s issues with Thor and Odin. Needless to say, I was super disappointed. About the only thing in that movie that was satisfying was its use of Led Zeppelin. I’m a big Zeppelin fan.

And thankfully, I did manage to encounter a small group of like minded fans who also wanted to see Loki’s storyline resolved.

As I coped with my Ragnarok disappointment, I told myself that hey...there’s another movie left with Loki in it, and it’s not being directed by the same guy who directed Ragnarok. Maybe. JUST maybe it will include some kind of resolution for Loki. And it didn’t, of course. It just murdered him brutally in the first five minutes. Because turning him into a rodeo clown in Ragnarok apparently wasn’t enough.

All I wanted was to see someone admit that Loki got a raw deal. I wanted to see someone ON SCREEN say “yeah, you know what? That sucks. I’m sorry you were adopted and then lied to about it. I’m sorry you grew up feeling like less than your brother. I’m sorry you felt misunderstood. You deserve to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved.”

And I need to just let go of that. Because it’s not going to happen, folks. The MCU is a profit seeking entity. They want to sell tickets and merchandise. They don’t care how Loki feels, or how Tom feels about Loki. They care what Tom can do with Loki to help them rake in the big bucks. That’s it. It doesn’t have to make sense, or be ethical, or be consistent with canon. It just needs to sell tickets and merchandise. That’s it.

And I need to find a way to just not care about this anymore. Because I’ve devoted far too much time and energy to this fictional character already. I’m going to wrap up my current Loki WIP, maybe polish up the one-shots I have sitting in the queue and post them, and exit stage left.

This is one last reminder NOT to reblog this or comment on it, just to argue with me or try to change my mind.

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy. 

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

7)

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago. 

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because  duh! she is a Woman)  so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant! 

27)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[arkus-rhapsode]

My Hero Academia Chapter 209 Review

Well now, we’ve entered the home stretch of this arc. Going in to this last fight, I myself have a few jitters. Will this chapter cure that? Lets find out. 

So we open on team Bakugou at the end of their matches, finding out it only took five minutes. Wow, we know Vlad is the one announcing so that must just be a real salt in the wound for his class. Though, I think team Tokage is walking away with minimal injury and no robo medics showing them out, so I just that’s a win.

So we get the teacher advice and performance reviews and with what Vlad tells team Tokage, I feel as if I need to address this. So last week, I made my stance clear, I was fine with Bakugou winning. As Vlad is saying here, their strategy failed as it was built around a different Bakugu, and they ended up spreading themselves too thin. Now, I will say though, what the fourth round lacked, is any reflection from 1-b. Oh sure, there was Tokage in the sky panicking, but unlike the other matches, there really was a lack of seeing class 1-b react and try to roll with this, even if it would be futile.

I know, let sleeping dogs lie, but I honestly was getting miffed at the tone of last week being, either “Bakugou is so great, you under estimated him,” or “Bakugou is an ass, and Class 1-b shouldn’t have been hyped at all.” So I’d like to say that I’m taking a middle ground and just saying as a fight it was great for Bakugou in terms of character development, but ultimately as an actual clash, it was sorely one-sided.

Speaking of team Tokage, them at least are pretty good sports over their loss. Kaminari is also on the side to congratulate Bakugou and of course needing to remind the shippers of his and Jirou’s relationship. Also, I’m assuming what Sero is talking about is when he lifted up Bakugou with his tape.

We see All Might congratulate Bakugou and he of course decides to act like a serious tsundere and act like this is nothing. Even though we know how he feels about All Might and thus meaning, he’s likely a little giddy on the inside. Also props to the comedy with Deku, that Bakugou’s anger at this point is just reflex.

We get that relationship progression scene with Deku and Bakugou, and don’t get me wrong, from a character stand point this is good, but from an average reader stand point, it feels like I’m watching the scene from the training before the license exam. You know, the one where Bakugou wondered if Deku was still going to try and surpass him. Granted this version is in a different context as we know Bakugou is now the one playing catch up with Midoriya in terms of being a hero. I’m just pointing out that this slow progression relationship definitely feels like it’ll take a while longer.

We actually do get a page that’s mostly blank, and textless to obviously add emphasis of just how important this moment was and is allowing the audience to digest it. Now I’m not posting it mainly cause I don’t wanna take up more space than I need with these reviews. But I wanna definitely that this is very appreciated in terms of pacing, because you have series like One Piece that pack itself with so much content you actually need just to have a chapter long breather rather than just a short single page one. It just really makes me happy to see that MHA is at a point where it can do this well.

We cut to team Monoma who Tokage is apologizing to because with her loss there is no way they can win. To which I’m going to take this moment and say yeah, you can’t. Alright this is just a mini-rant I have, but I really hope this match doesn’t end with team Deku losing and the final score being 2-2. That would be such BS, as what this arc is basically built on is A vs B, someone has to win or else you basically wasted almost 20+ chapters on this arc and it was all pointless. Now some have said that if they tie, class 1-b will still be around and this will clearly show them as a force on their own, as this arc will have gotten their characterization out there so we don’t have to shove it into the moment.

The problem is though, that still doesn’t fix the arc of being pointless. Say what you will about the provisional license exam or the gentle arc, but at the end of the arc, there was a point to each of them that was established and fulfilled. The class got licensees and Eri was free of Overhaul’s influence. That’s what the arcs were about, that’s what we got. But if no one wins and no one loses, then this entire arc was a big waste of time. What is the point of a fight if there is no winner or loser? I think we give shit to the Grand Magic Games in FT a lot, but the point of the arc was to win and get the guild’s popularity back, which it followed through on, and Black Clovers tournament was really a  selection for the royal knights, which means that if the main character lost, there was still a pay off to it.

Now, if you go by saying that this arc isn’t about the fight and is more about Deku and Shinsou meeting and discovering what’s up with those visions of All for One’s brother talking to him, then this arc should’ve been altered. Because that would mean that only now are we doing what matters for the arc. There is basically no way to end this ultimately satisfyingly, because if team Deku does win, that ends this arc at 3-1, which makes class 1-a look like a group of jackasses who steam rolled class 1-b. But I’l take that over its a tie, I don’t wanna feel like I just wasted 3 months on this for just this fight.

Anyway, Monoma gives an impassioned speech that really shows a layer of his character that isn’t shown. While he’s often made a joke by his irrational hatred, Monoma is very much a theatrical man. Now I don’t mean that he’s flamboyant like Aoyama, rather he’s just a guy who sees the world a stage and is gonna bask in it. We saw this really early in the sports fest and a little bit with what he chose their culture fest project to be.

We end this monologue with Yanagi basically asking monoma what the point of this is, which means I already like her cause we’re actually getting some more characterization than we did with team Tokage.

We also get Shoda here, putting the pieces of their strategy togethe, telling us that their powers are techincal based. Likely meaning they aren’t directly combat based, but they all have skills that give them a lot of options.

Yanagi also speculates on Midoriya, calling him “hateful,” to which Shoda points out that Yanagi kinda speaks her own langue. Which is a cool trait that at first might seem like overlap with Shiozaki. However, when Shiozaki would act melodramatic it was out of religious vindication, Yanagi just has her own way of talking.

…Wait… What’s that? …Ahh, I’m getting word that a female character actually mentioned Deku’s name, thus she has been admitted into the Dekubowl.

We start more speculation on Midoriya and I think it’s coming from Shoda, showing that he’s clearly the analytical member of the team. Shinsou says that they need to beat down Midoriya first.

Now look, I actually really enjoy this as the way everyone is speaking of Deku and actually take him as a serious threat. Now I now there are some who have said, “team Deku should lose so that he develops from this.” To which I say, fuck off. Deku isn’t like someone like Natsu who basically could bamf his way through everything up to his fight with Gildarts, so when he lost it was a big deal. But Deku, dude loses like crazy and grows form it. Aside from the physical damage, the kid in the first few arcs barely got a win on his own, most of it was done with teamwork, with im learning for now he had to be the strategist. He didn’t finish at the top of the sports festival by Bakugou, he needed help against Stain, the first fight I think he won on his own was against Muscular, and let me remind you that destroyed both of his arms.

So I its only after 200 chapters, Deku is only now actually being treated as I’d expect a shounen protag to be treated, a massive threat. For the longest time his big quality was he had the heart of a hero, but that always ended with a shattered body. So he wasn’t really that powerful. And only now is is signs of progress really starting to affect other characters especially outside of class. So if Deku loses here, I’m gonna think that this wasn’t a big, “learn from loss character development moment,” I’m thinking it be a set back for him. Still team Deku could still lose if Mina, Mineta, or Uraraka get captured and as a whole they fail. Now there is a potential for Deku to fail, but I’ll talk about that in a little bit.

Also Shinsou asks Monoma that if they combine their quirks then they could pin down Deku. Now the images behind Monoma imply that potentially, Monoma would use copy on One for All and will end up destroying his body. Now That seems to be the implication, however there is the possibility that Monoma could also copy Shinsou’s quirk and then surprise everyone by answering him. But come on, we wanna see Monoma with one for all.

The teachers actually comment on Shinsou and wonder if he’ll pull through in this fight like he did the first round.

We cut to team Deku with everyone trying to figure out what their going to do, and unlike team Bakugou, they seems pretty downtrodden and realize that they don’t exactly have the same all-aroundness that team Bakugou had. However, instead of team Bakugou where Bakugou was the center of the team who protected and attacked, Deku is instead opting as a decoy, leet them focus on him, and then pick them off.

We also need to point out, they are laying it on thick with Deku’s quirk having some issues. If what ultimately screws up Deku is his quirk crapping out on him, then that’ll kinda fee like some narrative manipulation, but at the same time, one for all is such a strange quirk in this world, I wouldn’t doubt it could just screw up against Deku’s will. So we might have some flags going up with potential failure.

I love how even Mineta realized that Deku’s had character development up to this point. Anyway the match begins, but this isn’t the end of the chapter, oh no.

All Might needs to be excused after a call from Gran Torino.

We cut to the cell of All for One himself. He reminds us that Giantomachia has appeared. And unlike the league, this guy is loyal directly to him.

Welp, All for One knows about One for All and likely that vestige stuff. I mean,it’s not too much of a surprise at it came from All for One’s brother. Anyway, pants to be darkened.

Post Chapter Follow up: So I’m going to say, there’s nothing wrong with this chapter at all. Its a pretty standard breather chapter, but my greatest fears are more of what is to come than what has been actually in the chapter. Now I can’t condemn a chapter for not doing something that it isn’t time for, but as you can see the anxiousness is cranked up going into this.

On the positives, my personal favorite thing about this chapter is the character interaction in team Monoma. It’s something we sorely lacked from team Tokage, but now it feels like this making up for that. We see More to Monoma as a character individually, as well as Yanagi and Shoda really showing of what they’re like as characters. Nothing from Yui yet, but she could be like Bondo and that’s the point. As for class 1-A, this group of characters are pretty used to bouncing of eachother, so it’s nothing new. That said, I do enjoy the interactions regardless.

The continuing relationship of Bakugou and Deku is great and I’m glad Horikoshi is committed to the long run with this relationship. Also I’m just happy that we got some good pacing built around it without it feeling inconvenient.

Also appearance from All for One, which already makes this even better and furthers the Giantmachia plot,.

Final Verdict: 7/10

Good breather chapter

Awesome character interactions

Foreshadowing of future events are getting set

[im-confusedandgay]

one bad night

summary: Simon Snow is intoxicated and Baz Pitch is hopelessly in love with him. Loosely based off of that one friends episode and @creativitear ‘s post of that snowbaz text message thing part 1, part 2, part 3 , part 4 of fuck knows I'm making this shit up. read on AO3

    I was filming the group assignment in the dorm room for potions class when Simon texted. When i got the first few messages i kind of figured he was dared to text me, so i minded my own damn business. Until the situation became my business, until my one top priority became Simon and his stupidity.

I have to babysit the fucking Chosen one. And the Chosen one called me beautiful. and a babe. (Or at least in Simon's case he tried to spell that one out.) I don't know what to think. Or feel.  But i do know what to do.

 The nearest bar i know is the Cupids Shot bar -- all the watford teenagers go there on Fridays or Saturdays (Sunday's when they're feeling that low) and its a 5 minute walk from Watford.  I soon find myself jogging towards the bar, hoping to a god i don't believe in that Simon didn't do anything he'd normally do. Which is something inconceivably stupid. Obviously. That one's a given.  Crowley, he's so fucking stupid.Fucking hopeless idiot. Im running now, and i still don't know what to think. Or feel.  Once I reach my destination, i fish for the bottle of cologne from inside my jean pocket. I changed out of my school uniform a while ago -- what do you wear when you're going to save your longtime crush from poisoning themselves with too much vodka? The answer is jeans and a plain green shirt. I also tied my hair into a bun for good measure. I spray the bottle of cologne on my neck and wrists -- its cedar and bergamot. A personal favourite.  I walk into the bar and a few people glance my way, some boys and some girls. If i weren't in love with Simon Snow i could have been the worlds greatest play boy. People would have made legends about me.

The bar smells like any regular old bar. I spot a few students i’ve seen walking past by the Watford hallways. Theres strangers kissing, others drinking their sanity away, and a giant crowd of dancing, sweating bodies in the centre of the room, letting their limbs run free with the blaring music.  I pray Simon isnt one of those bodies and thats when i spot him: sitting on the bar stool, his phone on his hand and a shot of god knows what on another. In just a second he downs that shit and places the empty glass on the countertop, his head hanging low.  He's a mess. 

Well, theres one thing to be grateful for: he's also alone. I search the perimeter of the room. No bulky guy. That's good. Splendid. Saving the Chosen one would be easier for me then. And then of course theres another thing to keep in mind: The Chosen one is drunk. Drunk senseless. Shit for sense, and since the chosen one happens to be Simon Snow, who naturally has a shit sense, this just means his stupidity is maximised by all that alcohol. I have a strong feeling that this night would be the bane of my entire existence. I walk towards the monstrosity that is Simon Snow, and every step i take towards him feels like a sort of vindication.

 I still don't know what to feel.Crowley, I just wanted to film my group project in peace. I know, I know, i've done terrible things that could amount to this much karma, and karma is the biggest living asshole there is but god did it have to be me?

and then i see him. Simon's description of him seems about right, despite the alcohol. I know its him because it just seems a little too obvious, actually. He's a big bulky guy. Not dwayne johnson big, but regular big. the kind of big to get rightfully intimidated by.  But I'm Baz Pitch, so i say to hell with intimidation. Besides, intimidation is nothing when you could call upon hot vermillion flames on the two of your hands and could suck the blood out of a deer. I make intimidation itself look like my bitch. 

 I feel my face grow red with anger -- my palms start to sweat and I'm just about to yell at him to back off when he places a hand on Snow's shoulder, and i watch with horror as he puts his lips to Simon's ear and whispers (i think its vampire senses that help me make it out) "You wanna get out of here darling? I know a place where the two of us could get to know each other a little better."  My throat starts to clog up.

Simon gives him a confused look. I tap the bulky guy's shoulder with my finger. He looks up at me.  Then I punch him. 

I punch him thinking of the words he whispered to Simon, taking every letter and syllable and hitting him back with it. I punch him with all the strength i have, and mind you i've got a lot of strength in me.  I make sure i punch him real damn hard his grandchildren would have a bruise on their cheek and the next generation to the next generation after.  I punch him so hard he falls backwards, then i punch him again and he topples over the counter. People stand up and seem to gather all around me and bulky guy here, but i don't bother with any of them -- i punch him and punch him until he's on the floor, until i see the blood trail off his nostrils.  Until i see Simon Snow in the corner of my eye, eyes wide and mouth agape. Only then do i stop.

Its been awhile since I've been this violent, and it feels wrong to start now. But then again, I'm not the big weird pervert who likes taking advantage of kids younger my age.  Now i have one thing to think about when i want to punch something. "Hey," I look over to my side where the bartender is, eyes wide as well as everyones. I'm not that ignorant (i am indeed very ignorant) but aren't  crowds like these suppose to be cheering? Were the hollywood movies all a lie? (I'm not surprised.) "You gotta leave." The bartender says, pointing towards the door. "Yeah, well." I look to the floor where the bulky guy is, bruised and pissed as fuck. He arches an eyebrow at me, his hand in his nose, miserably trying to contain all that blood. his eyes look at me like he either wants to slit my throat and drown me in the river or take me to his house to seduce me. Because he’s just that kind of guy.

I'd rather he drown me in a river, thank you very much. ”I think i got that message. C'mon Snow." He's still standing there, dazed, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I grab his arm and he looks at me.Once we're out, i lightly hit him on the arm. Even that sends him stumbling back a bit. I grab his arm again. "I'm not doing this because i worry about your wellbeing, I'm doing this because it is under basic moral obligation to look after those in need." He grins. The fucker actually grinned at me, and of course he looks beautiful when he grins. He says "Aye aye captain," and then stumbles upon a trash can and bows his head there, vomiting the night away. Simon bloody Snow. 

[sumergosuigeneris]

January 26, 2019, Part I

Why on the days I have to get up early for work or school is it sooo hard to wake up, I’m sooo exhausted, but on the days I don’t have to get up early, I wake up early naturally?

I did a little research last night to see if there is some natural clerical promotion about executive assistant - it would make it easier than trying to get into project management titles. Damn if I didn’t come across an article from 2015 talking about the renaissance of EAs. That EAs to crazy important shit, get tons of responsibility, and are paid properly for it. That you could have an amazing/interesting career as an EA, and make mad money, depending on how you play it. That was surprising as shit to me, because that is NOT the paradigm I grew up in. And the article acknowledged that too - that there’s still a lot of stigma in the title. And that was the crux of it for me. Secretaries being seen by society as just typing up shit for people, low level stuff. And EAs, like senior secretaries, being mostly just senior people (been there a long time), who type shit and answer phones for senior leaders. Basically what I do now, except email and mostly for calendaring purposes. Very unfulfilling, but not the point. I thought that if you got to do cool shit, which I have gotten to do (in my last job, certainly not this one), you were doing things above the job description due to your individual talents, and that you certainly wouldn’t get paid for those talents. This tells me otherwise. That the things I thought were above and beyond for secretaries and EAs *can* be within the job description, but NOT unreasonably - you can get paid well. It certainly explains why they require bachelors and sometimes master’s for certain positions.The stigma of the titles are still there, but more and more people are respecting what clerical workers are able to do, have always been able to do (probably). And well, money is a huge factor in respect. When you respect what people do, you pay them more. But also, when you pay someone a lot of money, you (at least before you get to know the individual) assume they are highly values and thus treat them with respect. This is a bit of a game-changer for me. Certainly fucks with my paradigm.

Reminds me of how even the advice I used to give people in undergrad is out of date now, even though I graduated just a few years ago. It’s an important lesson/reminder. You could be the shit - knowing everything about something, being very experienced in it. BUT, if you don’t keep up with trends and changes, at least informationally, you can quickly become out of touch. That’ll either make you a dinosaur or seem like a dinosaur. Both are terrible, and really have significant qualities into how someone sees you, now and in the future. It’s bad if you are a dinosaur, but worse if you’re not a dinosaur but for a brief moment (until your course correction is identified and completed) you seem like one.

I think it’s a good reason for switching jobs, switching companies, and even switching industries. Just because one department or company or industry has a certain culture, doesn’t mean it carries beyond its particular boundaries.

Huh. I’d really only thought one had to keep up with certain types of knowledge. Like, in science you *have* to read journals, go to conferences and talks, to keep up with the latest. In business, you have to do marketing research, focus groups, etc... to keep up with what consumers want, etc... I never really thought about work cultures. Certainly not seriously. And I guess I owe it all to the changes in my undergrad institution. I’m used to higher ed moving relatively slowly. So to find out my sucky institution might actually make changes temporally close to when I used to complain about things. That was shocking. And hard to wrap my head around lol. As I’ve been going on, I’ve not kept up with them, at all in the last 6 months at least. I don’t think they’re magically a Good School in the 3? years since I graduated. But I suspect that individual departments or programs are better. I mean, I was shocked and vindicated to learn the chemistry department instituted some of my programmatic ‘suggestions’ within a year or two of my not taking classes with them. Some of my suggestions were critically assessing issues within the department with various faculty. Some were programs I created within the chemistry club (which that douche bag destroyed within 30 days of me not being the president). The point is, they heard me, and as soon as they could reasonably deny they were my ideas, the instituted them, and made them at least semi-permanent. That’s huge win. Not just for me, or for the students those improvements are helping. But it means that some of the existing faculty aren’t completely terrible at the teacher part of being a professor, and are willing still to acknowledge they can do things to improve. That also means, and maybe I’m extrapolating here, but it also means the old farts are willing to make space at the table for new faculty. Oh, that’s a good point too. The Chem dept, along with a number of other depts, had a significant % of faculty in retirement range. New blood, especially in bulk, really helps jump-start change. Note: it’s not just the quality of faculty/administrators at my undergrad that stifled innovation and change. It’s a significant variable that must be acknowledged - lack of money. And the lack of money isn’t just due to the quality of faculty/administrators at my undergrad. It goes back to that systemic issue of higher ed. How we pay for it, and how that paradigm as changed and/or hardened over that last few decades. That paradigm rewards success, gives money to those who already have it, etc... Sound familiar?

If we gave money to those who need it, gave money to help people/programs get off the ground, we’d a) have better ROI over time, and b) have a shit ton of excellent colleges and universities, instead of the relative handful we have (last time I checked there were over 4000 colleges and universities in the US, can’t remember if that includes community colleges, or if that even really matters), and c) have a much better educated populace in the aggregate. Et cetera, et cetera.

It’s a reason I love Francis Collins. He’s implemented changes in how the NIH funds junior vs. senior researchers. It’s obnoxious that a faculty member with a 60 person lab, and a shit ton of top research grants could continue to get more funding for more projects, but the first year assistant professor can’t even get a little grant. Grateful he’s changing that. And other changes are happening too. But again, those changes are relatively slow to spread.

Anyway, not sure how I got onto this long ass post. Last night, I was wondering why I even write this anymore. Is it even helping my mental health anymore? Is it even making me feel more connected and less lonely anymore?

[axiomsofice]

21/22 Power Rankings: Atlantic

TAMPA BAY

What more can be said of the back to back champs? Without many questions at any position, the Lightning are an easy choice to put first here. Although, like last season, we might see them finish somewhere after first in their division as they prioritize health into the playoffs, as the look to increase their strong chances at defending their title successfully. Sure, Johnson and Gourde are elsewhere, but Tampa has great depth with many underutilized forwards vying for playing time, not to mention Kucherov returning to regular season play. Up front, Mathieu Joseph, Ross Colton, and Alex Barre-Boulet will be looking to run with the openings before them, and in truth all 3 have already proven effective in their time filling in last season. Meanwhile a pair of veteran depth pieces come into fold as well. Pierre-Edouard Bellemare is the archetypal 4th line centre, and has been the gold standard for years across many teams, IMO truly a joy. Corey Perry will join him and Patrick Maroon on what looks to be a line that will be a handful the longer the season goes.

On the back end not much needs to be said, as the likes of Hedman, McDonagh,Sergachev, Cernak, and Rutta have proven to be a force. Enter Zach Bogosian, who represents an upgrade in the spot once filled by Luke Schenn or Brayden Coburn, and potentially an appearance by Cal Foote. Of course, Vasilevskiy is the top goalie in the world, so there’s not much else one could desire in the crease.

BOSTON

Another longstanding contender who may coast thru the regular season a little, we shouldn’t expect anything less than the usual strong results for the Bruins. Some change in recent years, notably Krejci, Halak, and Miller’s departures, seem to give a different look to the roster, but the show will roll on. Taylor Hall signing at a nice AAV ensures some scoring will be present beyond The Perfection Line, but alongside Debrusk, Smith, Coyle, Haula, and Nick Foligno fills out the Bruins’ middle 6 forwards with a lot of size, speed, and skill. I know Trent Frederic will be a great Bruin because I “hate” (in a good way) him already. The sun is getting lower for Jack Studnicka’s time as a prospect, but some fans are expecting/hoping he’s ready to make a splash this season.

Charlie McAvoy gets comically little recognition as one of the league’s premier defencemen, and fits the Bruins’ historical stereotype perfectly. The good news for him is that the better part of the next decade should see him playing at a Norris Trophy level, so there’s no way that lack of appreciation can continue, right? Forbort will bring a lot of what left with Kevan Miller. Do not underestimate Connor Clifton, and especially Matt Grzelcyk, as the former BU Captain has been a crucial piece for B’s the past 4 seasons. Mike Reilly really came into his own over the past 2 seasons, and his offensive abilities are a welcome fit with the rest of the group. Perhaps we see Urho Vaakanainen force his way into a regular spot this year, but with another year before waiver eligibility it might be another season in the AHL.

Rask might return at some point, but Linus Ullmark will be looking to take off now free from Buffalo. He’s shown good results considering the team in front of him, but Boston’s strong defensive play has made it easier for all of their goalies to perform well, including the young backup Jeremy Swayman.

TORONTO

The Leafs have a lot to prove, and I’m not referencing the playoffs. Their status as a true cup contender has been us getting way ahead of ourselves, although they have the talent to get there at some point. In truth, last season was the first time the Buds paced their division, clinched a playoff spot early, or even posted top 10 goals against numbers. Obviously, last season was short and strange, so proving these things in a full season *is* the next step facing this group. They have a lot more to prove in the regular season than Tampa or Boston, so this group should be focused and ruthless in their pursuit of putting together a dominant and consistent regular season.

Admittedly as a Leafs fan, I have too many thoughts to post here regarding the specifics of the team here, so I’ll stick to some big picture analysis. If this group loses to Boston or Tampa in the first round it the year a waste or a failure? Should the coach, GM, core 4, president, be moved on from automatically? Simply put, no. I understand and appreciate the passion these thoughts come from but it’s important to maintain perspective. This team is good, the players are good, the lineup on paper is good, the prospect pool is good, the depth is intriguing, but not yet great. They have performed like a good team over the past 5 seasons, which isn’t nothing, but not like a great one. I’d argue they’ve done a good job living up to that and that we’ve misdiagnosed them as a team that is already great. Yes I’d love to win a cup or even a round here, but the standard of success and belief this organization has built for itself in the Matthews era should not be unappreciated.

FLORIDA

Like Toronto, the Panthers will be hungry to prove that winning their division last year was no fluke. Personally, I would have voted GM Zito for the Jim Gregory Trophy last season, as he managed to infuse the Panthers’ skilled lineup with some of the toughness Columbus iced during his time there. Even more important is adding such pieces that are in phase with the team’s existing age. Duclair, Bennett, and Verhaeghe are primed to show their performances last season are repeatable, while Sam Reinhardt will look to flourish in a new role on a respectable team. Tippett and Lundell give the Panthers’ lineup a tantalizing potential and could easily form into the league’s best 3rd line, and help the offence as as whole rise to the top group in the league. Perhaps we see Denisenko join them in the Panthers’ ranks at some point this season.

The defence group is really fun, especially if Aaron Ekblad can get back to full health paired alongside Mackenzie Weegar, and resume their elite play. Brandon Montour went from blue-chip to scrap heap in Buffalo, but I like his skillset a lot, especially since it compliments the ruggedness of Forsling, Gudas, and Nutivaara quite well.

The goaltending situation is talented and volatile, perhaps more so than any other team in the NHL. Sure, Bobrovsky is overpaid (contracts have disappeared before) and has struggled during his time in Florida, but stranger things have happened than the idea of him rediscovering his game. Meanwhile backup Spencer Knight has quickly risen to the NHL and has performed exceptionally at every level along the way, and on a rookie deal is underpaid, meaning for the next 3 years Bob’s contract is much more manageable. That being said, a goalie’s path especially is rarely a straight line (see Carter Hart), so it’s not unexpected or too concerning if Knight goes through a rough patch at some point. Of course, it will be on the team in front of them to help put them in a good position for success.

MONTREAL

Wow, what to make of this group. A roller coaster set of years where the Habs dredged through a regular season before a playoff glow-up, thrown in with some key injuries to Price and Weber, a rotation at centre (losing Danault and Kotkaniemi while adding Dvorak), and a full season of the dynamic Cole Caulfield, it’s hard what to make of this group. The strength of the team is along the wings, as Caulfield, Gallagher, Toffoli, Hoffman, Anderson, Drouin, Armia, Byron, and Lekhonen is a strong and deep group with a good blend of skills. Suzuki and Dvorak is a good start down the middle, and both their lines should perform well thanks to their multi-faceted games and strong linemates. Evans is valued by the organization and his responsible play fits what Montreal clearly looks for from their centres, meaning Mathieu Perrault will be well insulted as an offensively oriented bottom 6 centre.

Petry will continue to be the Habs best defenceman, while Edmundson, Chiarot, and Savard will see to it that the Habs have a defensively minded beast of an athlete on each pair. Romanov is ready for a bigger role, and is equal parts feisty and skilled. There are some wildcards as Chris Wideman returns to the NHL, after the 31 year old spent a few seasons out of the league. His offensive skillset might be a great fit. I like Kulak as a 3rd pair option, but there is a chance either Mattias Norlinder or Josh Brook factor into the mix at some point. Seeing how long it took for Romanov to (hopefully) work his way into the lineup, it seems more likely Montreal will take their time on that idea.

Price made me feel good in the playoff run, vindicating my years of support for him despite inconsistent years. He should be ready for the start of the season, and will settle into a strong groove. Allen will need to continue to play a significant amount of games. The Habs are a much stronger playoff team than regular season team, mostly due to how they defend. This is to say, these goalies will continue to have a much harder time in the regular season than they will in the post season. The hope is now that their increased firepower up front helps them clinch a playoff berth in a very competitive Eastern Conference.

OTTAWA

GM Dorion did the right thing in saying the time to compete is now in Ottawa. Although many have questioned some of their recent draft choices, the Senators clearly have a vision of what they want to be. The statement is a commitment not to tank (you might end up with a high pick anyway), to play Logan Brown, Shane Pinto, and Alex Formenton in the NHL instead of prioritizing further seasoning in the minors, to start committing to the group that you want to win with (sign Tkachuk!). Stutzle is the Ferrari, the pure offensive talent, contrasted against a group that is rugged and tenacious. That’s not to say Batherson, Norris, Pinto, White, and Logan Brown don’t have offensive tools, but with Nick Paul, Connor Brown, Austin Watson, and of course Brady Tkachuk in the fold, the forward group seems like they would take pleasure in being a thorn in opponents’ sides down to the last second of the game, no matter the score. We might even see an appearance from Yegor Sokolov, who uh, fits their personality.

Chabot leads the back end, although Artyom Zub was really good in his rookie season. We’ll be hoping to see more from Erik Brannstrom, although it seems like he may not fit what Ottawa is looking for from the blueline. Mete is a good pickup, especially considering the trading of Mike Reilly, which I did not exactly understand (see win now comments). I like Zaitsev, although at this point no one is suggesting he’s a strong top 4 option. Holden and Del Zotto are expensive depth options, perhaps Ottawa can bring out what they see in these players. Lassi Thomson and Jacob Bernard-Docker are good prospects, but should see more time in the minors. The best version of this defence is probably not achieved until Jake Sanderson is a strong contributor, which is a year or two away still.

Murray is interesting, maybe he can find a strong season, but it’s hard to say he’ll be getting a raise next contract. Anton Forsberg has shown signs of a decent backup amidst his bouncing around the league, but I’m a fan of young Filip Gustavsson out of the 3. He was great across 9 NHL games last season, and ideallly would start pushing Murray for the crease starting this season.

DETROIT

The Wings are poised to start peeking out of their long rebuild, as we should start to see the bones of their true team coming to the forefront. It wouldn’t be the worst to end up with a high pick (again, lottery), but I don’t think it’s end their best interest to be intentionally making their team worse at this point. Larkin, Vrana, and to an extent Bertuzzi are legitimate top 6 forwards, and there’s at least some hope (varying degrees) that Zadina, Suter, and Rasmussen can join them. The lineup up front is filled out respectably by Fabbri and Namestnikov while Gagner, Stephens, and Erne will look to cement similar roles. The real fun is in the prospects, particularly Berggren, Raymond, and Veleno have a chance to push for a spot. The most likely to make the team outright this season is Berggren, who was spectacular in the SHL last season. Some older prospects who could finally earn an NHL job are Hirose and Smith, both of whom deserve a shot at such an opportunity.

The much anticipated debut of Moritz Seider is upon us, and the Red Wings have acquired a good partner for him in veteran Nick Leddy. Although he’s not what he was at his peak, his style of play and experience make him an ideal partner to start the defenders career. Dekeyser and Hronek are a decent pair, albeit overmatched for the assignments they will no doubt receive atop the depth chart. Ideally this will help Hronek continue to improve his game. Staal brings a good veteran presence, while Stecher and Oesterle are pretty good depth options. Young Gustav Lindstrom saw 13 games of action last season, and could be a real bright spot if he’s able to play his way into a regular spot. The strengthen the organization is the glut of talented defence prospects en route, Edvinsson, Tuomisto, Johnsson, McIssac (get well!), Wallinder, Buium, Sebrango, Viro, it’s almost hard to keep track, and harder still to envision a future where Detroit’s blueline isn’t very strong. I could be wrong, but it seems intentional (and smart) to start a rebuild with a strong group of D prospects, as forwards develop faster, fall more often in the draft, and are easier to acquire than impactful defenders. It’s be great to end up with Shane Wright, but it’s more likely to add a really skilled forward between 10-20 in the first round than a bonafide defender.

Nedeljkovic isn’t the first Calder worthy goalie to get traded although a 3rd round pick is not as steep as say Tuukka Rask… He won’t have it as easy behind a much worse team this season, but has been playing well long enough that I like his chances of growing into the starter role. Griess is an accomplished tandem-backup, and will be counted on to help Nedeljkovic ease into the top role. Cossa over Wallstedt was bold, but Detroit fans should feel really good about Yzerman getting the player he liked more. The Wings have a bunch of goalies in the system born between 1997-2002, so it will be interesting to see how they all shake out in the coming years as they approach starters age.

BUFFALO

I almost feel bad about putting the Sabres last, and would encourage Leafs and Oilers fans to think about that. I do really like Coach Granato, and think that the team will show signs of a stronger direction this season. This mess with Eichel pushes this rebuild at least another year away, and reminds me of the end of Matt Duchene’s time in Colorado. It’s be hard to end up with a better haul than Girard, Byram, plus plus, but at this point it’s nothing but a negative cloud hanging above all involved. Remember, it wasn’t until Duchene was moved that MacKinnon really took off. Lofty comparison, but a new coach and atmosphere seemed to really help Dahlin, Cozens, Mittlestadt, and Jokiharju rejuvenate their careers. I like Hinostroza as a player, and with Bjork and Caggulia could help fill out the lineup with legitimate NHLers, especially considering Asplund, Ruotsalainen, and Tage Thompson are looking to carve out a role in the NHL. Quinn, Peterka, and Rosen are nice prospects but still at least a year away, so adding to this group in an Eichel deal is really important.

Pulling Dahlin out of his downward spiral is the most important step in this season. There’s really no reason, besides mismanagement, that he shouldn’t be among the league’s best young defenders at this point. Jokiharju is also still quite young, although his upside isn’t what Dahlin’s is, and it would be really encouraging to see positive growth. Colin Miller is one of the only other returning pieces on the backend, but could be serviceable with fellow NHL regulars Will Butcher and Mark Pysyk. Jacob Bryson played well in 38 games in his rookie season and figures to be in the mix once again. Further down the line, Mattias Samuelsson made an appearance in 12 NHL games last season, and will be pushing for a spot. Of course Owen Power is waiting in the wings, and another season with a strong Michigan team and a World Junior appearance, along with perhaps another World Cup appearance would go a long way towards setting the stage for an impactful rookie campaign in 22/23. Although it doesn’t look great now the Sabres’ blueline has interesting pieces in place for the coming years.

Perhaps the most underwhelming aspect of this roster is in net, where Anderson, Dell, and Tokarski are overmatched in their current slotting, as made evidence by all 3 making what is essentially league minimum. Although Luukkonen, Portillo, and Levi are interesting goalie prospects all 3 are years away at this point. It’s hard to imagine this team going anywhere given the current situation in net. No doubt making a significant upgrade here will be crucial whenever this team decides to win.

[taohua-shuohua]

July 16th & 17th, 2018

As the program marches on—we’ve only a week left on the Xiamen University campus; after the 26th we live with our host families for two weeks before leaving for a half-week in Beijing and ultimately a return flight to Newark—the combination of time and energy necessary to write for my blog becomes harder and harder to scrounge up. I expect many future posts will be large chunks of time rather than single days. I expect this news, while welcomed by my mother, to be slightly less-favored by my roommates, who will be hearing the clicking of my keys for the two hours.

July the 16th was buzzing with nervous energy. That afternoon was set to be occupied by our first-ever on-site oral proficiency exam, an interview conducted by a program teacher who was not our own designed to measure our grasp of the topics we’d covered so far in the class. My Chinese class timeslot of nine to eleven-fifty in the morning was spent entirely on review for the test. There were seven possible topics: self-introduction, our recent trip to Shanghai, the history of Xiamen University and its campus layout, Xiamen’s climate compared to that of our hometowns, non-academic pursuits the NSLI-Y program offered, ordering food in a restaurant, and an activity where we would be shown a four-panel comic without dialogue and have to extrapolate and dictate a story from them; we would randomly be asked about three to four of the seven. As we broke for lunch, I was feeling confident about all except food ordering.

Like usual, I attended Dr. Chen’s history lecture and my folk dance lesson. Suddenly, 3:30 in the afternoon (and thus the testing period) was upon us. Students were assigned to teachers and given an order to go in, and told to wait in the hallway. Twenty-eight students in a tight space doing last-minute preparation for an exam is never a relaxing experience. I was to be the 2nd student tested by Ma Laoshi, who normally teaches the Intermediate I class section, and, in an attempt to soothe myself, reasoned that because she taught beginners, she was more likely to speak slower and thus be easier to understand. As the testing began, chaperones called for Ma Laoshi’s first student. No one gave any indication that they had been hailed. Another call, another period of awkward silence. There was a shuffling of paper, and Ma Laoshi’s second student was invited into the room. My time to shine.

I didn’t end up having to talk about ordering food. In fact, I pretty much hit the jackpot. After a self-introduction (name, hometown, grade, family members, past Chinese experience), I spoke for about a minute and a half each on tourist spots in Shanghai, buildings and landmarks in XMU, and my visit to the Xiamen Foreign Language School. Overall, I was feeling excellent about my performance. The best part? Once each student had completed their exam (which, for me, was by 3:45), they were free to enjoy the rest of the day at their own discretion. The only other scheduled activity was a shopping trip to Zhongshan Road, a popular commercial street near the university, and that was reserved for the groups that had won “Group of the Week” through a system of points awarded or taken away based on behavior. A few days prior, program officials had announced that Groups 4 and 5 had won for that week and should meet in the lobby at 5:30 on the 16th. I was in Group 1, so I was already planning a quiet evening in, possibly writing another blog post. My plans were (welcomingly) shattered, however, around 5:50, by my group leader’s frantic yelling in the corridor outside my room, alternating between my name and “小女儿” (xiǎo nǚér; little daughter, a nickname I received as part of an elaborate inside joke). Once I opened the door, he hurriedly informed me that there had been an error—it was us who had won Group of the Week, not Group 4, and the group needed to assemble in the front of the building in the next five minutes so we could reap our reward. I was mostly-prepared, and was able to hustle down to the bottom floor and join my cohort. People were overjoyed—we had previously mused that Group 1 (the official name of which is 黑龙 (hēi lóng; Black Dragons) had been completely robbed of our title after consistently performing in group activities. And now we were vindicated.

I spent the ride on the public bus—around twenty minutes—chatting with another group member. Once we arrived, an issue became apparent—since none of us had known we were going until it was time to leave, none of us had seen any reason to eat so early in the evening. Luckily, there was a McDonald’s right across the street from the bus stop. There’s simply no better way to remind oneself of the beauty of American culture. After our meal, we elected to make a detour through a few smaller streets before hitting a central shopping mall. I purchased some souvenirs for family and, once we reached the mall, three eyeshadows palettes that cost almost twice what they do in the U.S., but came with three free hats. Our final stop was a Chinese department store. I was able to find jeans that fit me—good news, as I had neglected to pack any long pants, as well as a dress and two shirts. My one hiccup was that the store, despite our having been told that stores in malls would generally accept credit cards, didn’t accept American cards. I had almost enough in cash in my wallet, and Ren Laoshi paid the remainder through WeChat Pay, which seems to be the largest component of China’s day-to-day economy. Concerned that the public buses’ schedules wouldn’t be able to accommodate the time we needed to be home, chaperones divided us into groups of three and sent us, each group accompanied by a chaperone, onto a series of taxis. I arrived back on campus a little before ten, and spent the night in a gossip session with my roommates. I went to bed late—a poor choice, especially given the agenda for tomorrow, but it would’ve taken a lot more than falling asleep at 12:30 to bring my mood down.

On the morning of the 17th of July, NSLI-Y students boarded a bus to the city of Quanzhou, about an hour-and-a-half’s ride out of Xiamen. The theme for the excursion, as our tour guide impressed upon us, was Quanzhou’s status in China as a cultural melting pot. The now-metropolitan city’s origins lay in the fact that it was the eastern end of the Maritime Silk Road. As a result of this, it had a lot of exposure to non-Buddhist religions, notably Islam; Dr. Chen informed us that Quanzhou is home to a large amount of Muslim Chinese, most of them descended from Arab traders who originally settled there during the time of the Silk Road. Our first stop, however, wasn’t a mosque—it was Kaiyuan Buddhist temple, intricately large and dotted with phoenix trees, the official city tree of Xiamen. Incense was free, three sticks per person; after exploring the area, I joined Song Laoshi and Wu Laoshi, two chaperones, in praying to the Buddha. It went significantly better than my first time using incense in Shanghai’s Jade Buddha Temple, where I burned my hand by accident. Flesh intact, I extinguished my sticks in the ash provided and joined the rest of the group, which was assembling to depart for lunch.

Lunch was served banquet style at a round table, a refreshing change from Xiamen cafeteria’s ever-crowded buffet. After its conclusion, we boarded the bus once more, this time headed to Guandi Temple and Qingjing Mosque, the latter a house of worship for the city’s aforementioned Muslim population and the former specializing, we were told, in fulfilling the prayers of those seeking love.

Guandi Temple is directly adjacent to a market area where people were selling the usual jade bracelets and Mao Zedong busts, as well as some more eccentric caged birds and porn magazines. Once again, I joined Song Laoshi in praying. Afterwards, the two of us made our way to Qingjing Mosque, where the rest of the program had already clumped outside the entrance. They weren’t going in, however—the short shorts and sleeveless tops worn by the majority of the students, while useful for fending off Quanzhou’s heat, meant we were barred from entry to the mosque. It made sense in retrospect, but was still a bit disappointing, and I was surprised no program coordinators had realized it beforehand. We boarded on the bus once more, this next ride lasting not even ten minutes. We’d reached our final pair of destinations, the Quanzhou Maritime Museum and the separate but closely-positioned Arabic Museum. The Maritime Museum featured a beautiful collection of maps and early ship designs that originated from or docked in Quanzhou. The caveat, however, was that once you had spent about fifteen minutes walking through the small exhibit hall, you had seen the entirety of the museum. By some combination of fate and good fortune, the museum was also hosting two other student groups at the time: similar but unrelated programs where teenagers of Chinese descent could enjoy a “roots-finding” trip to the country, one based out of Canada and the other out of Australia. We intermingled for a bit; I learned that Australians call cantaloupe “rockmelon”, which is easily the biggest dose of culture shock I’ve received so far in the entire experience. Following the Maritime Museum, we visited the Arabic Museum, where we were greeted by a statue of Moroccan explorer Ibn Battuta and a large amount of grave stones. Once again, however, the museum didn’t house enough materials to keep us occupied for the allotted hour and a half, and my peers boarded the bus while I was in the bathroom. I wasn’t left behind, thankfully, and didn’t even lose my team any points, so perhaps another shopping trip is in our near future. I’ll be sure to pen an update if I do.