#my thoughts are too scattered

[seagreenstardust]

Idk why bkdk keeps doing this to me, I do not have the time or the space to properly process anything that happened tonight but let’s get real:

Kacchan Bakugo

He’s on live TV, in what will arguably be the moment that launches his career or at the very least cements him as one of the greatest heroes of all time, and he calls himself what? Not his hero name that took him half a year to come up with, not his own given name, but the name the little neighbor kid gave him when he was little?

I know I keep screaming about the glow-up of Katsuki Kacchan Bakugo but it is the gift that keeps on giving

[alkatart]

Guess who decided to finally stop just going "wow, this song is so Roy coded" and actually make a Roy playlist. It's me! Which of course means I had to do a quick portrait of him for a cover, how tragic /silly

[timeandspacelord]

WAIT HANG ON

Nina says she wouldn't jump off a bridge for the king of Ravka when she's telling Matthias the story of Goedmedbridge and then like. a chapter or two later Inej jumps off that self-same bridge because Kaz told her to. There is something there, I just know it

[whomeidontknowthem]

I'm still reading through Network Effect and Murderbot acts like such an angry (and very traumatized, actually) teenager. I love it.

But also it makes me wonder how the idea of age could be applied to it and other constructs? Like obviously there's no age in human sense (no making children, so no growing up stage, and I assume no old age... I wonder if a secunit could grow old if it didnt got killed), but age isn't just about physical changes in the body, it's also just lived experience that allows you to accumulate more data and skills and ways to solve problems and understanding of yourself and the world. Like, these are not synonymous with age as a number, but they are intrinsically linked to how people see different ages, and I say all of them definitely apply to constructs, namely Murderbot, and I think it's fascinating.

Because it doesn't have many general experiences, does it? I wonder how long it worked for before Ganaka Pit. I wonder what the very first moments of consciousness are like for a construct. I wonder what Murderbot was like before it hacked its governor module. And directly after? I wonder what revelations it had about its situation when watching its serials for the first time, and what it already was aware of beforehand. I wonder how much it understood itself and its emotions before it got the relative safety of media to explore the fact that it did feel things.

It, imo, can be incredible immature (see: angry traumatized teenager), but it also must have spent a while figuring itself out. It's more aware of its emotions and reactions than some people I know and can actually articulate (at least to itself) what it's feeling quite often (gods know it's more than I was capable of half a decade ago), but then other things seem to be virtually impossible for it to admit, and it's just so fascinating to watch.

I absolutely love the constant near breakdown it's experiencing this book. Just seeing it work through the emotions and act irrational, it's so fun.

[tsubasaclones]

under its surface, cardcaptor sakura is a tragedy about the cycle of abuse and grooming, and how the people around the victims of grooming are also affected by it by being conditioned to see it as normal. in this essay i will

[cilly-the-writer]

My brain is really on "anything but the main wip" mode.

[moonspirit]

Heyyy!

It just popped into my head randomly but.. sometimes I wonder.. Ymir’s curse was the 13 years after having a Titan, right? So I’m like what if they don’t have that 13 years thing anymore but still Titan powers? For the rumbling at the end, maybe it was just a kid of ‘restart’ because it all got edited, not more dying after 13.. dunno tho, it was just random 😭

Hello hello!

Oh this would be very interesting! Basically nerf the death and buff the badass powers xD I like~

In this AU, I wonder how things would've turned out. Part of the urgency in canon events through S4 was that Eren's time was running out and so was Zeke's. Eren's desperation to get something done before he died was a substantial portion of the "reckless-ness" of his actions, so now, what if Ymir didn't have a curse at all? What if the power of the titans was eternal because of Ymir's desire to always be connected to other people?

I don't really reckon things would be much different for Paradis. The military and technological prowess of other nations is still advancing, and Marley's still hell-bent on attacking Paradis. Hatred for the Eldians is still strong and rampant. The only difference is that the shifters do not have an expiration date, but they cannot afford to "wait" because Paradis could be attacked anyday.

From a more personal standpoint, I think... the feelings would be complicated. Sure, it's great to not die so soon, but carrying around the titan power for the rest of eternity? This actually gives rise to the question of how inheritance works in this AU. Do you still have to eat a shifter to transfer their powers? Can you have children? Do children automatically become inheritors? What if you died childless, would the inheritance be random selection? So many questions to ponder...

Okay, I got distracted, back to the personal emotions xD I don't see a lifelong responsibility to carry shifting powers as good news. This actually sets the stage for the possibility of being put to task for horrible things as long as you prove good and useful, and for suffering the ensuing guilt of it all. Moreover it is loss of bodily control for whatever length of time - those that need your power will dictate how you use it and how often you transform into the monster, which is, let's admit it, not a nice profession to be known for.

But WE want to see the Female Titan kick ass and the Colossal Titan nuke things without dying in 13 years - AND I"M ALL FOR IT!

[rain-harmonia]

hi tumblr I am, as many people are, going fucking insane over the silly little vampire man. I was encouraged to post some thoughts I had about him so uh here you go!!

Pre-vampire Astarion had a different kind of style. Different color preferences, clothing, patterns, hair.

Game era Astarion got off the nautiloid like that - which means we can assume he got taken like that - which means we can assume that’s not a style he’s chosen himself but a visual identity he’s been forced into for 200 years that he hasn’t yet found the ability to change

Even when he kills Cazador. There’s not a Shadowheart-esque moment of changing his appearance to reflect his development even though his appearance can be tied even more to the trauma he’s trying to overcome than Shadowheart’s can

Because he’s spent so long not able to be his own person. Not allowed to find his own tastes. There isn’t some identity lurking beneath the facade, waiting to break forth. Cazador broke him down, hollowed him out, made sure there was nothing except what Cazador wanted him to be

So some time post-game.. it starts slowly. He changes his hairstyle first. His family (they are still alive, they’re elves, fight me about it) tries to lay out clothes for him that used to suit his tastes but he doesn’t feel right putting them on it. It’s not the same kind of performative that Cazador demanded from him, but it feels performative all the same. He goes shopping around, he strays from anything similar to what he would have worn during the Cazador era or during his lifetime. For a while it’s anything that catches his eye, trying out whatever he realizes he likes. Sometimes it ends up a little silly. But eventually he does settle into his preferences. Finally something uniquely him, who he’s become and what he’s decided to like.

The symbolic change of a character’s visual design, but it takes years, maybe even decades

[sleepyyghostt]

any time i remember that trump supporters are in any way associated with christianity i feel fcking insane

[artist-ellen]

I hate Rhaenyra's wedding dress for many reasons, but the fabric itself looks cheap.

Which is bizarre, because if I'm not mistaken, it's made from the specially woven Targaryen crest fabric they made from the series.

[throughpatchesofviolet]

I've been opening my blinds, lately, and sunlight falls directly onto my bed, which reminded me of how I think Heathcliff likes to lounge on the window seat at Baker Street Office ... and sometimes he naps there.

[honey-skulls]

The fact that pots and cfs/me is incurable (I'm convinced that that's a lie, just like with "incurable" stuff like cancers, there is possible treatments, but doctors couldn't give less of a fuck about us and thus aren't doing research on what could help us) and this constant song and dance of fighting with parents and doctors to get help or even believed at all and going nowhere. And most importantly, that this is my new forever, and I'll NEVER be able to go back to what i could do only 2 years ago, is finally sinking in

And I'm only fucking 21, 20 when it started

I'm seeing people lamenting about not being able to do what they did in their 20s now, but i haven't even got to try adulthood at all before it got ripped away from me forever

How the fuck am i supposed to keep going knowing that no one will ever understand or give me help, i will constantly get not believed and pushed into crashes by doing the bare minimum, and everything i was planning and excited about doing because of the freedom of adulthood, be it learning new hobbies, travelling somewhere, or just where and how I'd like to move in and live in the future, has to be dumped in the trash

But yeah it's all anxiety in my head. Go take walks, loose weight, drink water, play less video games (i play around 6 hours a week) and go play board games at the public library, they say

Great

This is my new "life"

[maegalkarven]

A future fic carcass I'll write when I write (after I finish 9 ungoing fics)

King Viserys dies at the wedding celebration of his daughter, Crown Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen.

No one else does.

I am a firm believer Otto and Viserys are the rot on the face of the House of the Dragon and without these two everything would be fine-ish.

Unfortunately, we need Vissy T for his kids to be born, so Viserys dies soon after Aemond is conceived. Sorry, Daeron, not this time.

Joffrey doesn't die because he doesn't manage to provoke Criston before the king dies.

Rhaenyra overrules his father's decision and marries Harwin Strong.

Their son Jacaerys Targaryen is the heir to the throne, Lucerys Targaryen is the heir to Harrenhal.

Daemon marries Laena and lives at Dragonstone (Rhaenyra grants him that), their firstborn is the heir of Driftmark.

Laenor joins the Queensguard and is sent to Dragonstone to protect Prince Daemon (ha) and his future heirs.

Criston Cole becomes the Commander of City Watch while still retaining his white cloak (what? He did it in canon, can do it here).

Rhaenyra removes Tyland Lannister as the master of ships and appoints Corlys Velaryon (back).

When Baela and Rhaena are born, it is decided to betroth Prince Aegon and Lady Baela, making him future lord-consort of Driftmark (and successfully removing him out of succession of the iron throne).

When Jace is born, his and Helaena's betrothal is announced.

Baelon is born without an issue and the royal family meets at the celebration on Dragonstone, where Aemond claims Cannibal and loses an eye in the process.

(Kinslayer, everyone. It fits).

Afterwards Luke is sent as a ward to Harrenhal with his father. A huge ass scene ensures there Luke clings to Aemond and refuses to go.

Aegon makes a greasy comment and gets punched.

Both Aegon and Baela are sent as wards to Driftmark.

Lucerys still leaves.

Harrenhal doesn't burn bc even if Larys kills Harwin and Luke, there's still Lyonel and Joffrey in the equation. Lyonel keeps serving Queen Rhaenyra as her Hand.

Years later the royal family meets at the wedding celebration of Baela and Aegon, where Luke and Aemond behave very much like Rhaenyra and Daemon at Rhaenyra's not happened wedding.

Rhaenyra and Alicent clutch at their pearls, Rhaenyra suggests father died because of seeing something like that.

Daemon asks if she implies they killed Viserys, then asks where is Baelon.

Laena replies Baelon is playing knights with Joffrey.

Rhaenyra and Harwin Strong (no) have three more children, Aegon, Viserys and Visenya, all silver-haired like their mother (her uncle).

Laena is fine with it, they have a poly. Laena doesn't have more children because Baelon's birth was a ghasty one.

Baelon claims the Grey Ghost.

Otto is never called back to the capital because (suprise!) Rhaenyra didn't rush to kill her 3 y.o brother or the other one who was born after Viserys' death. Instead she marries Aegon off so he's no threat.

Aemond eventually joins the Queensguard and is appointed to the future lord of Harenhall.

Lucerys refuses to marry and appoints his brother Viserys as his heir, who marries Visenya. They have a very good life in Harrenhal.

The reason Luke skips over Joffrey is because Joffrey is always at the sea (with Baelon), and Aegon the Younger is bethrothed to Baela and Aegon the Elder' firstborn, Laena.

Everyone lives happily ever after, Otto gets to be the head of the house Hightower after he successfully plots against his own kin, since his blood is secured on the throne, if in unconventional for him way.

He once tried to manipulate Aegon, but was cut off sharply by Rhaenys and Corlys, who kind of adopted the boy as theirs.

Aegon enjoys wandering about Essos very much, he, of course, whores around, but he and Baela have an agreement. One of Baela's children is born from Alyn of Hull, but no one is any wiser, since everyone just thinks the child looks like her.

Jacaerys and Helaena have three kids, Jaehaerys and Jaehaera and then Maelor.

Jaehaera is oldest and so is the heir.

Oh, and Rhaena is happily married to Corwyn Cobray. They have a daughter, Rhaenys.

[alcettogo]

Terrible awful news I got a fic idea à la Bad Taste but with Isafrin and It's a category 5 event in my brain Oh God if I write it (I will. /threat) it will be so joever

[mikkolas]

once again trying desperately to clean out my fucking drafts and i am crying because i have. no fucking clue what particular thing i was talking about in this moment but why was i being cruel to him. he's done nothing to me

[growinguparo]

Hi! I just wanted to jump in and say thank you, because your blog has actually helped me a lot recently. I read your post from a while back (like a WHILE, 4ish years ago) about the aro/ace future and what that looks like as we get older. I’ve been coming to terms on and off in the past few years about how averse I am to relationships and dating, and with the fact that really don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life. But you very nearly articulated the main concern: what happens when everyone else is wrapped up in their marriages and their families I am truly alone? I’m still not sure that the aromantic identity is accurate for me, but it feels pretty close and so thank you, again, for opening this world up to me and putting words to my feelings. :)

Aww thank you for telling me!! 💚

I still feel the way I did when I wrote that post, although it occupies less of my brainspace than it used to. However, I will take this opportunity to talk about the big thing in my social life that changed since 2020: I dove hard into my local community. Any local community will do I think, but the main one for me was my local trans community. I was also in a community music ensemble, I spent a couple years in a survivor support group, and I went to local queer events. I valued those communities highly enough that they were the main reason I was upset to be moving to a new city.

Community made a huge difference for me. I wasn’t really friends with any of them exactly (like I rarely hung out with any of them outside of whatever thing we had together), and community definitely doesn’t occupy the same niche of social requirements as friends or a partner. But it HELPS. It helps with social support, feeling connected to other people, having regular social interaction, and (crucially imo) meeting people who are older than you in a peer environment instead of one where they are of higher status than you.

I know so many trans people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, even 70s, from my local trans community - variously single, married, divorced, multiply divorced, dating, polyamorous, nonamorous, etc. It really broadened my view of what people older than me are actually doing in real life, not just what the twenty-somethings around me anticipate they will be doing when they are that age. People who are like me too, queer transgender people who will never fit the conventional narrative. It enriched my life in a way I wasn’t expecting.

I still don’t know what an aroace future looks like and it’s still scary but at least now I know that mine will include local communities and that I can get a fair amount of the social fulfillment I’m seeking from them.