#well. and other parts. my usual figures of speech kinda break down here. but that doesnt matter i want to write something sbout it

[aleki-lives-here]

I'm still reading through Network Effect and Murderbot acts like such an angry (and very traumatized, actually) teenager. I love it.

But also it makes me wonder how the idea of age could be applied to it and other constructs? Like obviously there's no age in human sense (no making children, so no growing up stage, and I assume no old age... I wonder if a secunit could grow old if it didnt got killed), but age isn't just about physical changes in the body, it's also just lived experience that allows you to accumulate more data and skills and ways to solve problems and understanding of yourself and the world. Like, these are not synonymous with age as a number, but they are intrinsically linked to how people see different ages, and I say all of them definitely apply to constructs, namely Murderbot, and I think it's fascinating.

Because it doesn't have many general experiences, does it? I wonder how long it worked for before Ganaka Pit. I wonder what the very first moments of consciousness are like for a construct. I wonder what Murderbot was like before it hacked its governor module. And directly after? I wonder what revelations it had about its situation when watching its serials for the first time, and what it already was aware of beforehand. I wonder how much it understood itself and its emotions before it got the relative safety of media to explore the fact that it did feel things.

It, imo, can be incredible immature (see: angry traumatized teenager), but it also must have spent a while figuring itself out. It's more aware of its emotions and reactions than some people I know and can actually articulate (at least to itself) what it's feeling quite often (gods know it's more than I was capable of half a decade ago), but then other things seem to be virtually impossible for it to admit, and it's just so fascinating to watch.

I absolutely love the constant near breakdown it's experiencing this book. Just seeing it work through the emotions and act irrational, it's so fun.

[hotch-stufff]

Fluff #8, Angst #5 and Fluff #43 with Gibbs, please. The reader is in her late 20s, Gibbs and her got into a fight because the reader isn't sure about the age gap and Gibbs is trying to push her away because he's afraid of letting her in

Hard To Believe

gif by dwayne-pride

Pairing: Gibbs x reader

Warnings!: angst, slight pining, making out, kissing, crying, but ofc a fluffy ending

Prompts: Fluff #8 “I realized something.” “What?” “I love you”, Fluff #43 “Is it so hard to believe that I love you?", Angst #5 “I love you” “No you don’t

Author's Note: I know its not quite how you described, kinda switched to where reader pushes him away. Hope you still enjoy!!

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Loving Gibbs was easy. It was too easy. Too easy to fall for him. Too easy to look at him and allow your heart to flutter. To easy to feel butterflies every time he brushed your arm. That was the easy part.

The hard part was hiding it. Or figuring out if or when you would tell him. The hard part was pretending. Pretending you didn't care, pretending he didn't matter to you.

And you didn't even know if he would feel the same. You were, considerably younger, 13 years to be exact. And people would say things. You shouldn't care what people think, but it could ruin Gibbs reputation, and that you cared about. So you wouldn't tell him. You couldn't tell him. And that was the hard part.

You never expected a relationship. But you definitely didn't expect him to show up at your door and confess his own feelings.

It had been a rainy night, very cliche. He knocked repeatedly on your door until you finally answered. You were shocked to see him there, drenched. You invited him inside, and took his jacket, hanging it to dry. And he sat on your couch, silent per usual. You sat there for a while before speaking up.

"Soo, you gonna tell me why you're here?" You said, trying to start a conversation.

"I'm not sure what to do here." Was his only response. He looked nervous, which was strange for Gibbs. He wasn't a nervous person. He was always put together and confident. But he wasn't wither of those right now. He was slumped over, thinking hard. He was fumbling with his hands. He looked so ... vulnerable.

"Gibbs, whats wrong? What happened?"

"I just, I realized something."

"What?"

"I love you." The words were spoken clearly, and confidently. You were taken aback. Shocked was an understatement. Seconds ticked by, and silence filled the room. The only noise was the rain hitting your roof. He stared at you expectantly, waiting for some type of response.

"W-what?" Was all you could muster up. His face fell. "What do you mean? You're not serious. You can't be serious."

"Is it so hard to believe that I love you?" He asked, his voice was quieter. Gibbs didn't express his feelings often. He was opening up to you, allowing himself to be vulnerable. But you couldn't give in, could you?

"Yeah." He hadn't expected that. "Gibbs, your 13 years older than me, your my boss." He froze. You knew he had to have taken this into consideration. Why was it not enough to stop him?

"I don't care. I love you Y/n." You could feel the tears gather. You two couldn't be together. He had already been through enough in life, he didn't need the judgment that would come from being with you.

"Well, I dont feel the same." You said, your heart breaking a little bit with each passing second.

"Yes you do." He stood up angrily. "You do, but your avoiding them." You sighed.

"Gibbs-" he cut you off.

"No, you love me too. I know you do y/n. I know because everytime you look at me, its the same look that I'm giving you. You blush anytime we are near each other. You're always there to make sure that I'm okay." Gibbs didn't speak a lot. He was a functional mute, as they say. But he sure as hell was saying a lot now. Saying a lot of truth. A truth you couldn't allow to happen. So you lied.

"Those are all things a good employee does." You really tried to make it as convincing as you could.

"Employee, really?" He paused "Bullshit." He stood there waiting for your response. He only needed one more push and he would be gone. "Why won't you just tell the truth?"

"That is the truth Gibbs! This would never work between us!"

"What is it? That we work together?" You didn't move a muscle. "That I'm a closed off person." He paused. "Is it that I'm older than you?!" You flinched slightly and he knew that was it. You needed him gone before you ended up telling him that you loved him too. You knew exactly what to say to push him away.

"I don't love you Gibbs. I can't even trust that you would be with me long before moving on again." That did it. In that moment you forgot why you were pushing him away, especially after seeing the pain in his eyes. It was there for only a moment, before they went blank. His face following soon after. He nodded his head, and walked out, slamming the door.

And you fell to the floor in tears. You had to do it. You couldn't be together. You couldn't. It wasn't right. You were young, he needed someone older, more mature. Someone who wouldn't add to his baggage. Someone who wouldn't add on to everything he's been through. You couldn't be together.

These were the words you repeated to yourself as you cried yourself to sleep.

* * *

The next day was hell. The next week was hell. Everything sucked. Gibbs was on a rampage, pissed off and pissing off everyone else. He avoided you at all costs. The most he talked to you, was when he barked an order. You expected that.

What you didn't expect was the guilt. You thought you were doing the right thing. Pushing him away was the right thing to do. So why did you feel so bad? Why did a pang of guilt hit your heart evertime you looked at him.

Why were you filled with guilt everytime you saw the frown that adorned his face. Or everytime he snapped at Tony, Ziva, Tim, and even Abby. The guilt was consuming you to a point that you could barely bare seeing him. You had been trying not to hurt him, but he was in more pain now that he would have been had you told him the truth.

Would it really be so bad? To love him. To be with him. You couldn't remember why you didn't tell him you loved him in the first place.

You had to tell him. If he never forgave you, that would have to be something you lived with. But you had to explain. You had to tell him the truth.

So this time, it was you showing up at his house. His open door policy was something you were grateful for because you aren't sure if he would have just slammed the door in your face had you knocked.

You found him in the basement, sanding away at a boat. A glass of Bourbon sitting on the bench. He looked ... bad. Tired and angry. You hated that it was all because of you.

"Gibbs." He spun around, glaring at you.

"The hell are you doing here." You gulped and took a step forward.

"I uh, I came t-to apolagize." You stuttered out.

"Get out." He barked at you.

"Gibbs, wait please." You begged. You would get on your hands and knees and beg if you needed to. You had to tell him.

"What?"

"I love you."

"No you don't." He didn't believe you. It wasn't surprising, you wouldn't have believed yourself either after everything you had said. So you began explaining, pouring everything out.

"Yes I do. So much. I know what I said was, awful and so wrong on so many different levels. And I'm sorry, I know you hate apologies, but I'm sorry. I was scared. I'm so much younger than you and I thought people would judge you. And I know its stupid, but I didn't want that to be another thing you had to go through. I didn't want to ruin your reputation. You carry enough baggage as it is, with the job and just everything. I couldn't add my own baggage to that. But this past week has been hell without you, and it makes me forget everything. You make me forget. And so I'm so sorry Gibbs, because I DO love you. I love you so fucking much." He let you finish your little speech, remaining silent.

And he stood there remaining silent for a good 5 minutes, before he was marching forward and slamming your lips together.

It had taken you aback, and you faltered slightly, allowing him to press you up against the boat. He pressed into you, lips moving together passionately. His nose bumping yours, your hair falling in your face. He lightly moved it away before deepening the kiss. His tounge fighting for dominance. You gave it to him with a small moan. You could barely focus on anything other than him. The kiss ... it was more than you could have ever imagined. And man had you imagined this moment. You had wanted this for so long.

"You're so stupid." He said, breaking away and pressing his lips down your neck.

"I know." He smiled against you, and bit down slightly on your skin. You let out a surprised gasp, and his lips were back on yours.

"I love you." You spoke against his lips. He pulled back so that just your noses were touching.

"Love you too." And he kissed you again, and again, and again. Leaving you with a night you would never forget.

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Loved writing this. Let me know what you think!! Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[redpandaramblings]

Like Caramel For Chocolate- An Omega Bakugou x Alpha f!Reader fic. Part 3.

Part 1- Here

Previous part Here

Next Part Here

Content Warning: Negative headspace, omegaverse, self deprecation, depressive thoughts, pushy parental figures, ambiguous omegaverse reproduction, unhealthy relationships, relationship that could be easily fixed if idiots would use their words and communicate, Shinso/Denki side relationship

Where we left off-

You glanced up at the sound of the door. In came your parents, then the Yokomadas. You did a double take as the final person, the omega you were here to meet, entered the room. They looked equally as startled as your eyes locked.

“Y/N?”

“Denki?!”

You slowly walked through the teahouse garden, your electric blond friend oddly silent as he kept pace with you. Your parents and the Yokomadas had allowed the two of you a bit of privacy to talk. So far, neither of you had mustered the courage to break the awkward atmosphere. Neither your parents or the Yokomadas had seemed to pick up on Denki or your mood. If anything, they were thrilled you two already knew each other. With a sigh, you sat on a bench by the koi pond, not looking at the blond as to settled down next to you. After several minutes, he spoke.

“So. What are you doing here?”

You snorted, and gently dumped your shoulder against his.

“Right back at you, Pikachu.”

“I’ll tell you. After you tell me.”

You chuckled humorously, and tilted your head back to look at the sky.

“Would you believe me if I said I was just here to appease my mother?”

Denki considered for a moment before shaking his head.

“No. You’ve been saying no to her for years. So tell me, why are you here.”

You take a deep breath and let it out again slowly through your nose.

“I… I think I wanted to be here. Needed to.” You wrung your hands, throwing a sideways glance at Denki. “I… I want to be mated. Have a family. Have someone who needs me and lets me need them. I used to think Kat… I used to think Bakugou was my person. But I’m not sure anymore, Denks. You know what he’s like and so do I, but I’ve waited for years, and nothing, and I’m so tired, and I’m not even sure he even likes me anymore, and…” You’re stopped by Kaminari gently rubbing your back.

“Breath, Y/n. Come on. Deep breaths.”

You inhaled shakily. You hadn’t even noticed you’d been hyperventilating. Quiet settled again, aside from the sounds of nature and your slowly slowing breathing. After a few moments, you spoke again.

“I’m just so lonely, Denks. I see him every day, and I’m still so goddamn lonely. So I think… I think it’s time to let go.” Your lips twitched slightly upward as you tilt your head to look at him. “Am I terrible?”

Denki huffed out a breath and shook his head. “You? Never.” He sighed, removing his hand from you back as he began picking at the hem of his sleeve. “I wish I could say I didn’t understand. But I do. I’m kinda here for the same reason after all.”

You gave an encouraging hum and reached out, taking his hand in yours and running your thumb over his knuckles. He interlaced your fingers, giving a squeeze before continuing to speak.

“You know how I feel about Shinso, right?”

“I think everyone but Shinso knows how you feel about him.”

Denki snorted. “Yeah. Not surprised. But that’s the problem. I’ve liked him for years. Little bit of a crush but at UA, thought I could play it cool and it would go away; but then the agency paired us together and, well.” Denki gestured with the hand not holding yours. “It was so easy! I’d go boom! And then he’d go pow! Then shoom! It was amazing! He was amazing… And so I tried to get his attention. I tried so damn hard. And you know me.”

You snorted, giving his hand a squeeze. “You’re about as subtle as a brick through a living room window.”

“Exactly!” He shouted, pulling away to stand up and pace. “I flirted. I used all my best pick up lines. I asked him out to the club, and he said yes. But do you know what he said afterward? He said though it wasn’t his usual scene, it was really good being able to hang out with a friend. I… I asked him to spend my heat with me.”

You inhaled sharply. Kaminari looked at you with an expression you hardly recognized. He collapsed onto the bench, leaning heavily against you.

“He said ‘I’m glad you’re that comfortable with me, but it probably would be better for you to ask someone else.’” Denki whispered, sniffling.

“Oh.. Denki.” You wrapped your arms around the blond, squeezing him tightly. Half out of instinct, you tried to pump out soothing pheromones while you gently scented his hair. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing, sweetheart. You’re a wonderful omega!”

That was all it took for Denki to start sobbing heavily in your arms. You squeezed him tightly as tears filled your own eyes. The tears fell when Denki wrapped his arms around you, hugging you just as tightly as you held him. There in the tranquil garden you both huddled together as you finally allowed yourself to cry. Years of hurt and longing fell from your eyes one drop at a time.

You weren’t sure how long it had been when the two of you slowly pulled away from each other. You used your thumbs to wipe Denki’s cheeks. He gave you a halfhearted smile.

“So,” you asked tentatively, “what should we do? They’re going to expect an answer from us about this whole…” You waved a vague hand “Marriage date thing.”

Denki hummed, puffing up his cheeks as he blew out a breath. “God, I don’t know. Certainly wasn’t expecting it be you, you know? No offense.”

You drew back, gasping in mock anger. “Full offense!” You could only hold your expression a few seconds before you started snickering.

Denki grinned his first really grin of the day. “Well excuuuuse me for insulting your alpha sensibilities.”

“You’re excused. For now.”

You both chuckled. Looking out at the pond, you spoke again. “I just wish I had the right answers. And I really wish we had more time.”

Denki furrowed his brow. “Well… Technically, we could.”

“What do you mean?”

Denki bounced on his seat. “Okay. So. Hear me out. We both need time to process, clearly. Also clearly, our families are just not gonna give us that. So… Why don’t we do this?”

“Wait. Wait. We do this?” you asked, both curious and incredulous.

“Yeah! Think about it. One! They mainly want us in relationships they approved of. They set us up, so clearly, they approve. Two! If we say we’d like to try out this match, they obviously aren’t going to set up any more dates; therefore buying us time. And bonus of no annoying randos. Three! We can say we’re going to take the relationship slow because we’ve both been burned before and want to make sure. Four! Four…” Denki trailed off, looking at his feet.

“Four is maybe if we can’t find a love match at least we’re friends who work well together?” You murmured.

Denki nodded, glancing at you with a rueful smirk. “Yeah. Exactly. Vibe on the same wavelength. Hell, we even want similar shit in life.”

“Actual house, few pets, stability…”

Denki nodded again. “Sucks, but would make sense for us to consider it. As much as I fucking hate the ‘You’re not getting any younger’ speech, they are kind right. We can’t waste all our time waiting for things that aren’t gonna happen.”

You shook your head with a chuckle. “God, don’t you hate it when they’re right about shit like that?”

“You have no idea.”

You stood, stretching. “Well, I guess we go tell them, then.”

Denki groaned. “There isn’t enough saki in the world for that conversation.”

“And just so we’re clear, this stays between us for now, right? No one knows but us, our folks, and I guess your cousins.”

“Agreed. I don’t want to think about what anyone would say. Bakugou would kill me!”

You winced. “Unlikely. I doubt he’d care. But if Mina finds out, everyone will know.”

“You’re not kidding. No worries from me, I don't want this getting out any more than you do.”

“So… Engaged, I guess?”

Denki dusted himself off and stood. “Deal. Engaged.” Denki stuck his hand out, and you shook it.

You both turned and started making your way back to the teahouse, taking your time and going the long way to be sure to avoid and of the other patrons. This was fine. A good plan. Nothing could go wrong as long as no one found out.

And there you have part 3! Sorry the wait and thank you all for being patient! If anyone has any questions regarding the fic or how this particular omegaverse operates, please feel free to shoot me an ask. Also, please note that @snuggleyourredpandas is my main account, so it you see a message reply from them, that's me!

TAGLIST- @yzviea, @not-a-pushover, @thelilypieforever, @kumihayu, @aomi04, @ladybakugouu, @one-simp-more, @hakunamatatayqueen, @my-thoughts-are-weird, @left-alone-yuki, @officialtrashbusiness Just a reminder, if you want tagged make sure you have the ability to be tagged turned on; and I'd have to be informed if your blog name changes! Cheers, Darlings!

[i-just-like-goats]

Miya Atsumu x Female Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: The Inarizaki team have all placed bets on when you and your longtime best friend Atsumu will finally get together. Kita is close to losing the bet, time for him to step in.

It is known to all students at Inarizaki High that Atsumu was a lady’s man. Sure he wasn’t a womaniser or a player, but that didn’t stop him from breaking hearts everywhere he went. His mere dismissal of a girl would lead that girl to burst into tears, straight up rejections even worse. His casual flirtatious comments did not at all help with his reputation, leading oblivious girls to believe he actually held interest in them. How wrong they were.

Whereas you. You deemed yourself nothing special. Nothing too flashy, unlike a certain someone. You didn’t stand out in a crowd, and most certainly never attempted to shine or take the spotlight. You left that to your best friend.

Miya Atsumu.

“Hey could you-“

“No.”

“Will you please put in a good-“

“No.”

The first two girls had left, their hopes crushed, you felt relieved they had gone to class until another girl replaced them and effectively disrupted your short lived peace.

“Y/N!” She said, her voice oozed with fake sweetness.

“Do I know you?” You asked bluntly.

“We sit next to each other in chemistry, silly. Don’t you remember?”

“And?”

“So I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?”

“If it’s homework we had none. If it’s class work I’ll send you my notes. If it’s anything else; leave me alone.”

“I just need you to give this little gift to At-“

“Not interested.”

With that you swiftly walked away, which left the unnamed girl open mouthed with shock. This was the daily routine you had to put up with. Reject all of Atsumu’s fan girls who approached you in order to reach him. Truth be told it was extremely tedious, but you couldn’t really complain - after all you were the one who befriended him. It was a small price to pay for being friends with him.

“Hey I was wondering if you could set me up with Atsumu?” A different girl asked.

Scratch that it wasn’t small. At all. It was a big price to pay. Very tedious. Very irritating. Very time consuming. By the time you reached your first class - English - you were already exhausted and plopped yourself into your seat.

“Don’t you look wonderful?”

“Well you wouldn’t look so hot either if you had to fight off Atsumu’s admirers in the space of one morning.”

Osamu noticed your sharp tone and held his hands up in mock surrender. You shook your head at him and started writing down what your teacher was saying.

Lunch came around and you made your way to your usual table next to your best friend.

“There’s my favourite best friend!”

All eyes were on you as you made your way to Atsumu. Some looked with contempt. Some with envy. Others with anger. All harboured ill feelings towards you. He had that certain look in his eye when you walked over to him, like you were the greatest thing in the world. His smile widened once you took the seat across from him, Atsumu’s eyes sparkled with joy as though it was his first time seeing your face again. Suna scoffed at his expression, not before taking a sneaky picture of proof about how much Miya Atsumu was whipped for Y/N L/N.

“Where were you all morning! I missed you so much,”

“I was dying,”

Silence. Atsumu tilted his head in confusion. Next to him, his twin stifled a laugh.

“Bro, your girlfriend here was busy fending off the wild animals that make up your fan club. She had no time to see your stupid face, and the last time you saw her was yesterday,”

Everyone in proximity of your table tensed up at Osamu’s words. From the table next to yours, Atsumu’s fan girls glared daggers at you.

“Yesterday was ages ago,” Atsumu whined.

“That’s what you focus on?” You ask incredulously.

Instantly Atsumu’s demeanour changed and he glanced to his left.

“Way to go Osamu, now Y/N’s on their hit list,” Atsumu said dryly.

“Well if you didn’t flirt back none of us would be in this mess,” Kita kindly passive aggressively informed his teammate.

Ever since Atsumu’s first official match, girls had been flocking to Atsumu like a swarm of bees to their queen. Every day the Inarizaki volleyball team had to deal with squealing fan girls gushing over Atsumu’s talent for volleyball, essentially distracting the players and disrupting practice. At first Atsumu shamelessly flirted back, basking in the attention, now he, as well as the others were fed up. In short, Kita was tired. Tired of the fan girls. And most importantly tired of the fact that you and Atsumu weren’t dating yet. At this rate Kita would lose the bet that Osamu and Suna had coerced him to take part in. He had bet that you and Atsumu would be dating by the end of the month, which was this Saturday, and the way things were going between you two, he’d probably have to ask you out himself for Atsumu in order to win the bet. On the other hand, Osamu bet that Atsumu would ask in their third year, Aran bet that you would actually ask instead of Atsumu and Suna bet that Atsumu would ask at the end of next month. It was decided that the losers would do what the winner wanted for a day, with no complaining whatsoever. A whole day of getting the team to do what he wants without complaints. A dream come true for Kita.

“It’s the end of the month on Saturday. Two days,” Osamu sing songed.

“So?” You asked.

“Oh, nothing,”

You dropped it and shrugged. Opposite you, Kita sent a saccharine smile towards Osamu, while the latter playfully smirked back. Kita had a plan.

Two day passed as usual, nothing significant happened; that is until the end of the second day. As usual, you made your way out of Physics with Atsumu; your best friend filled in the silence with his cheerful chatter. Unusually, Kita stood there at the end of the corridor.

“Hey cap! What brings you here?” Atsumu inquired.

Kita seemed to snap out of whatever was bothering him, for his face returned from his previous scrunched expression to his more neutral expression.

“Hm? Oh I came here to speak with Y/N. If that’s alright with the two of you?”

You nodded, though intrigued as to what Kita wanted to talk to you about, Atsumu on the other hand stayed silent. Before you left with Kita, he crushed you with a hug and sent puppy eyes at your retreating figure, walking next to his captain.

During the walk out of school grounds, Kita mentally prepared himself to convince you to ask Atsumu out, allowing both his and Aran’s plan to work, so that the pair won the bet - Kita was too engrossed in his thoughts. A while passed before you and Kita spoke; you were already halfway home before you confronted Kita.

“Kita?”

“You have feelings for Atsumu, don’t you?”

Kita panicked at your sudden dialogue and spoke the words that first came to his mind. His panic was not conveyed through his steady tone of voice. Truth be told, it was more of a statement than a question, it certainly caught you off guard. The latter half of the sentence seemed to be added hastily as though to soften the bluntness.

“What makes you say that?” You answered evenly, and turned your face away from him, a small blush settled firmly on your cheeks.

“Answering my question with a question I see,” he teased, “Everyone knows, the both of you don’t hide your feelings very well, it surprises me that you two aren’t dating yet,”

“I know he has feelings for me, I’m not an idiot, I see the way he looks differently at me and I see how he’s more clingy towards me than the others. I’m not an idiot,” you repeated.

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know,”

“I think you do know. Idiot,”

You pouted and let out a huff.

“Fine. Fine,” you finally conceded, “I’m not an idiot but I am a coward. I guess - as cliché as it sounds - I don’t want to ruin our friendship. What if it doesn’t work out and we end on bad terms? Years of friendship would be wasted and gone in an instant. I just. I just don’t want to risk that happening,”

“What’s life without a little risk,”

At Kita’s attempt at lightening the mood, you scoffed and shook your head.

“Sorry, that was unlike me. What I meant to say was you won’t know until you try. Sure there is that possibility that the relationship may end badly and the precious friendship between you and Atsumu would probably be lost, but there is also a chance that this relationship will end happily, with no heartbreak. I can’t guarantee that everything will be peachy; obviously there’s going to be some problems along the way but knowing your stubborn personality I am confident that you will fight for you and Atsumu, because I know you care way too much for him to let him go,”

Kita’s speech surprised you, this was the most encouraging thing he had said to you. Ever. You smiled.

“Thanks Kita. I really needed that,” you said as you finally reached your house.

Kita made his way to his house, waving as he walked down the steeet. He left you with a lot to think about.

Later that evening you called Kita again, and talked until he decided that it was time to go to sleep.

That morning you walked to school with Kita in a comfortable silence. Once you reached school you spoke.

“Ok I’m going to do it,”

“Yes you will,” Kita encouraged.

Confidently you walked up to your long time best friend, then suddenly turned the other direction.

“I can’t do it,” you cried out.

Exasperatedly, Kita shook his head and forced a strained smile.

“Y/N do you want to do this or not?”

“I do,”

“Then go get him,”

“I’ll do it while we walk home,”

Anyway, the school day passed, honestly you couldn’t remember what happened, it was all a blur.

“Atsumu?” you called.

“Yup?”

“Do you want to walk home together?”

“Yes! I’m still kinda annoyed you walked with Kita, Kita of all people instead of me,”

“Sorry about that ‘Tsumu,” you replied bashfully.

With that you both made your way out of school. Little did you know Kita, Osamu, Suna and Aran followed you both from a distance. Osamu and Suna because they just wanted to go home. Kita and Aran to make sure you confessed.

“Get ready to do what we want for a day,” Kita stated.

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Suna questioned.

“Kita and I formulated a plan,” Aran answered cryptically.

“Guys shut up Y/N stopped walking,” Osamu whisper shouted.

You had indeed stopped walking, leaving Atsumu to carry on walking and talking. You had been quiet the whole walk, which wasn’t unusual, as you normally let Atsumu talk, while you listened. You were just too lost in your thoughts.

“Y/N?”

Atsumu had finally noticed that you were no longer by his side.

“Hellooo. Earth to Y/N,”

“I like you,”

Atsumu was taken aback. That was not a reply he was expecting.

“I just really like your smile, your personality even though you can be quite big headed at times, I like your laugh, I just like you for you, not in the way that those girls like you for your looks and skills. I like everything about you even your flaws,”

“Whoa, for real?”

You glanced at his expression and burst out laughing.

“You look like surprised Pikachu!” you wheezed out.

Atsumu joined in with your laughter. The two of you continued laughing for several minutes.

“I like you too,” Atsumu said once both your laughter finally died down.

You turned your gaze towards his eyes. His beautiful eyes that held all the stars in the galaxy.

“That’s a relief,” 

[goth-girlfriend]

Just wondering and no pressure here! Are you ever gonna finish the Endeavor fic? Love ur works bby and stay safe out there! <3

Yes yes yes 😤😭 Anything for you sweetheart and especially anything for Enji. Take care of yourself ❤️❤️

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“What?” I yawned out loud to myself pushing myself up. My arm was sore from sleeping on it, I looked around and blinked at the light that had made itself known. I tried to push to sit up being held down by a familiar weight. I yawned again, before rolling over under Enji’s arm. I pressed my back against his warm side resting on my arm that wasn’t sore. I pulled his arm around my waist to feel like I was being held in place.

“Ah, security.” I sighed using his shoulder and bicep as a pillow, “Not soft at all.” I snuggled against the firm muscle until I heard a throaty chuckle. His chest shook lightly and I looked up at him he was awake. His eyes lidded from sleep still fighting against consciousness, I watched a faint smile pull at the corners of his lips, I couldn’t fight the most likely idiotic looking grin that surfaced. I laughed and shook my head as quietly as I could. I turned in his arm and hugged his chest. I watched as he moved his free arm behind his head, his bicep bulged at the unintentional flexing.

“Good morning.” I smiled and let my head fall against his shoulder while I looked up at him. It felt perfect, this moment. The morning sun filtered by the beige curtains lighting the room in gold with a few thin slits of white sunlight breaking through. The white duvet stopping at waist, open sleeping shirt, messy hair, pressed into his side sighing content. The rumble of the AC filling the silence, soft breathing, its perfect. In this moment, in this place, there is no history, there is no future, its us in this moment. With nothing to ruin the moment I sighed and closed my eyes feeling the faint heat of his rising chest.

“Good morning.” He finally answered, voice deeper than usual, I felt him shuffle, before I felt his lips pressed onto the top of my head. I felt my eyes flutter involuntary, and my heart swelling. I smiled closing my eyes enjoying the closeness, perfect, this is perfect.

“DDAAAAAAADD!!” I blinked a few times remembering where we were, I watched as he groaned rubbing his face with his hand and sitting up leaving me behind.

“Yes, Fuyumi?” He called starting to stand up doing a few basic stretches.

”Y/N IS GONE DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING THIS MORNING MAYBE SHE LEFT TO GET BREAKFAST?!” She screamed through the door, I watched the door handle jiggle, thanking God I locked it last night.

“Yes, I heard someone moving this morning. It could have been (L/N), why don’t you go look around down stairs, I need to shower and get ready.” He yawned before he stood popping his back.

“Mmm...” there was a pause and some shuffling.

I heard Sho’s faint voice “Fuyumi, look y/n sent me message this morning saying she was going to a nearby convinience store to buy some things she had forgotten. She’ll be back soon.” I sighed thanking God once again that I had told Shoto my password all those weeks ago.

“Alright, DON’T MIND DAD!” She screamed before I heard them walk away, Great, now how am I supposed to leave? I looked around, “Does that window open?” I asked pointing to the window in the room. “It‘s a balcony.” Enji pulled back the curtains revealing an pretty good sized balcony with fancy railing. I was wearing sleeping shorts and a long sleeve shirt with some socks, I‘ll fly down, and just walk back in... but I went to the store.... so I need to come back with something. “Can I have ten dollars?” I smiled sheepishly looking at Enji.“

He sighed before turning to the dresser and pulled out a bill out of his wallet. I grinned and thanked him, “I’ll be back in, five or ten minutes.” I shrugged and opened the Balcony window. Taking eagle form, I dived down into an alley way barrel rolling and lading back on human feet. I walked out and stopped outside a tourist shop. The shop owner was placing out a box of mini hero figures, the same figures from that night we patrolled. These were a new release with the change to get Gold or Silver All Might, Endeavour or Hawks. I got excited and rushed in, I “went to the store”, but I never said what for. the packs were on sale, 2 for $5.00. And lucky for me, I had managed to get a $50. Each box comes with 12 lucky bags each bag has 3 mini figures, there are only 10 Pro hero’s currently released in this line. I have a ten percent chance of getting Endeavour, All Might or Hawks, if you add the 6 new figures to the line thats 16 characters in total. Meaning there are three possible Endeavor, All Might and Hawks,,, But, the chances of getting a special edition, would be 2 of 16 which should be 12.5 out of 100. If I multiply by three that raises the chance 37.5 of 100. So out of all 36 Figures that means I have to at least get 1 limited edition Per box, bu counting in these are the first boxes to pull in customers, they overload the limited ones to make it look easy so people will be convinced to buy them because it’s “easy” to find a limited figure... meaning... “ill give you $50 even for both boxes.”

I turned to look at the cashier guy who seemed unimpressed but nodded, “I usually sell boxes for $30 dollars each but  I feel generous 25 each plus taxes.”

“How about $20 plus taxes.” I counter offered. He squinted at me before he made another offer, we went at this until we were back at my original offer. “Alright, this is my last offer,” he huffed and stared at me hard, “$50 dollars cash, no taxes, and IF you become a Pro Hero you do advertising free for my shop.”

I laughed and nodded, “Deal.” He packed the boxes and I paid him before we parted ways. By the time I made it back to the hotel Fuyumi rushed to me with a look of worry. “Where were yOU I WAS WORRIED?!” 

I smiled, “I was in the middle of a very serious conversation about some very serious things.” 

“A toy store, that bag says you were at a toy store.” Shoto said sounding very unimpressed.

I smiled and let out a sheepish laugh, “well...” I looked down and hid the bag behind me, “I never said I went to buy anything important.” 

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“Ow......ow.......nooooo stop.” I whined feeling one more tug at my hair and finally it fell down.

“There, we’re done.” Fuyumi fluffed my hair a bit before smoothing it out again, “Now lets go, before Natsuo starts causing a fuss.” She ushered me to move and I did leading our way to the elevator.

“Alright,“ I sighed slouching a little... “....Wanna see something cool?” I asked standing back up, Fuyumi cocked a brow by smiled a little, “Alright, I do actually.”

I dug into my pocket and pulled out a gold endeavor figure, “Boom, its your dad.“ I took her hand and placed it in her palm, “You can have that, I have another one.” I smiled when she let out a slight laugh. “Thank you, I’ll keep him with my keys.” We stood in a comfortable silence until the doors opened and we started to move out I asked, “Soooo, what are we doing after this award ceremony?” I asked tilting my head in curiosity.”

“I don’t know, she said he lips pulling to the side in a displeased way, “They didn’t let me plan out this trip so its a surprise for the both of us.” My only answer was to nod while I smiled down at the ground, “Sounds Fun.”

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”Aren’t those kids from UA?” The voices of photographers were loud with there questions as flashes went of left and right, “Why are they with Pro Hero Endeavor?” “I don’t know but these kids could pull in the views!”

“Todoroki! A question if you Will!” “Hey Midoriya Over here!” “L/N! Can you pose for a few photos!” “Todoroki look over here!” Midoriya whats it like to learn from Pro Hero All Might??” “L/N! L/N! Are you affiliated with Todoroki or Midoriya?”

As much as I love getting my photo taken, I knew sticking around for pictures and questions in this scenario is probably the last thing I should do. So instead I stayed close to Natsuo almost sandwiched between him and Fuyumi. I stayed betwen them as we kept moving, Sho and Deku were behind us not rushing, Sho seemed unaffected and Deku was looking down red faced and embarrassed. It was kinda cute. I looked back ahead watching Enji ignore everyone moving forward with purpose and carrying himself with pride. I smiled watching him I know not everyone can see him or respect him as the number one hero but, to me, He can be so much more if only people would give him a chance. I know he’s not the most kind person in public, but with the right sidekick or partner that could change easy. When Hawks was with him those brief days, his like ability actually raised. So I know all it takes is someone pushing him to be more interactive with his fans, he knows now there are some that like him, bit i also understand why it’s so hard for him to accept it...

“Alright, were in, lets go find some seats.”

The ceremony went by slowly, I was bored listening to a bunch of speeches but at least made it look like I was paying attention. I couldn’t even sit by Enji because Fuyumi took my place, and then I managed to get stuck between Natsuo and Sho and they kept talking and we had to refrain from laughing to loud at a few things. Midoriya was so interested in everything that was happening and i started to pay attention when they actually started calling name, Sho and Natsuo stopped after Fuyumi told them to shut up. Which I appreciated now that things were getting interesting. I listened to the awards leaning forward more and more as more hero’s showed up collecting awards and moving on with speeches each with their own rounds of applause. I got this twisted feeling about Eniji going so I whispered to Sho who voiced the idea of us cheering for their dad and Fuyumi praised him for caring about their dad and he took the praise. So when Enji was called for an award of Achievement and a few other things the crowd applauded but how it normaly had so I stood up pulling Sho and Natsuo with me which caused Fuyumi and Midoriya to stand we clapped louder and cheered “For the new Number one Hero!” I screamed and then the five of us cheered more as others started to stand and clap louder. I looked at Fuyumi who smiled back and nodded. After the crowd calmed down and sat he gave a short speech, almost another thirty minutes of closing speech we finally got to leave.

“Finally! I’m free!” I cheered running straigh into Natsuo’s back as he stopped out of nowhere. “My face.” I groaned pushing away from him, it was in that moment I realized how big he actually was, “Wow, you’re actually tall.” I leaned to use his head to block the sun.

He looked back over his shoulder at me, “huh? Did you say something down there?” He... he just... he just bullied me for my height... “I-...” I look esta him and swallowed, “IM TELLING FUYUMI YOURE BULLYING ME!”

I watched his eyes widen and turned to rush to Fuyumi and he screamed, “wait...NO”

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“Natsuuoooooo?” I poked his cheek as he sat pouting arms crossed, “Nat...Suo? Nat... pssst hey Nat, you still mad?” I poked his cheek again and smiled watching him force back a smile. “Come one, you cant be mad.” I poked his cheek causing him to smile briefly before he forced it back again, so I quickly summoned a feather and poked his cheek distracting him before using it to tickle his other side causing him to laugh.

“Alright fine fine, I’m not mad anymore.” He wheezed as I pulled my feather away, plucking it from the air. “A hero’s work is never done.” I gave an exaggerated sigh and he a single laugh kinda like a scoff, “Some hero you are, you get innocent pedestrians hurt to save them.” he crossed his arms and snapped his head the other way, unamused I felt me brows go up, “Innocent? Pedestrian? You?” I paused when he gave me an offended look. “I don’t think so.”

“Natsuo-“ We turned to look at Shoto, the two of having been sitting outside on a stone bench after Fuyumi scolded him strongly and I pulled into it.

“Yes?” He asked standing up and popping his back.

“Our father, asked if you could head back with Fuyumi to the hotel to pick up her bag of clothes. She left it when she was rushing out. Well meet for lunch before we do anything else.” Shoto said leaning his head to the side slightly.

“Oh,” he looked at me and then over his shoulder at the doors we had both just sulked out of, “yeah, well take a Taxi. I’ll get Fuyumi and we’ll leave.” He nodded and turned to leave.

I moved to stand by Sho, “So?” I asked elbowing him slightly, “how was last night?” “Well, I could ask you the same.” He side eyed me, “Take your phone with you next time you jump out a window.” I didn’t miss the amusement in his eyes, “Right,” I nodded and he closed his eyes a small smile on his lips. “Now, where are we going for lunch?”

“Oh! I read about this American style fondue place! It’s supposed to be really good! So I kinda wanted to try it and I was going to suggest it but, it’s pricey so, eheh, ya know.” I shrugged and Shoto’s brief look of amusement came back, you want what Kaminari told me is a Glucose Guardian, someone who pays for what you want.” I choked, “Sugar daddy.”

“What?”

“What. Nothing, so, lunch? I’m hungry? Also I’m riding in front move.” I rushed past him jumping into the passenger seat before he followed after Deku had met him. I was buzzing in my seat and the took Enji’s hand the moment he was sat and started driving, I squeezed his hand staring out the window, watching the building and cars pass. It felt so nostalgic, but how could it be nostalgic?

“Where are we eating?” I turned to Enji at his question, before looking at Sho through the mirror, “There’s this place Y/n was talking about.” I felt a squeeze to my hand meeting Enji’s stare as he looked at me briefly before looking at the road, “Where is it?”

I smiled and used my free hand to grab my phone, “it’s not to far from here, we should be able to make it in ten minutes if traffic is good.” I clicked away typing the address, “Yup, go straight, take a right at the light, and it should be a large glass building on the corner! It’s a fondue place, more American style!” I tried to talk and explain while squeezing Enji’s hand at the excitement I was feeling. Upon getting to the restaurant we waited a while, having sent Fuyumi and Natsuo the address we waited at least half an hour until we got a call.

“Dad, I don’t think we’ll be able to do lunch today, a really bad wreck caused a traffic jam on this side of the city, it’s an estimated two hour wait until we can move, well find a place to eat once we get closer if you all want to go ahead and eat we’ll be fine.” Before he could answer Shoto spoke “Thank you for your sacrifice.”

“We should go then?” I questioned looking around the car.

“Yes.” Enji said turning the key and opening his door to get out.

After we all got out the car, we started our way towards the restaurant. I awed at it, we made it in met with a nice man, “Welcome to The Melting Hot Pot! How many will be in your party?”

We all looked up at Enji, “Four.” We all nodded, it felt as if we were judging him.

“Would you like a private room or to be seated in our public seating area.”

“Private.” He nodded and the host nodded, “You can follow me this way.”

“Will this be you’re first time dining with us?” We all slid into seats in the large luxurious looking booth, it’s was in a room with a sliding screen door for privacy.

“Yes it will.”

“Great! I’ll give you the crash course before you’re waiter comes to attend to your table.”

After about seven minutes and looking at a menu the Host left and we started to talk about what sounded good.

“Wisconsin cheddar cheese?” Shoto asked.

“Flaming turtle... sounds painful...” Midoriya was staring at the opposite side of the menu.

“Maybe... we should start with a salad? Before we start looking at the fondue, there’s.. Wisconsin Wedge... California... Caesar... and a house, so, what sounds good?”

We tried to talk it out but no luck, we ended up right where we started, until Midoriya looked at Enji, “Mr.Endeavor sir,” I held back a laugh.

He hummed staring at Deku, his face didn’t change making him seem angry or annoyed, “What?”

Midoriya flinched.

“Maybe you.... you have more experience with this than we do, do you have a-any... advice?”

Enji nodded, “Get a California Salad, you’re allowed two cheeses, well get the Wisconsin Cheddar and Quattro Formaggio, for entree you’ll get a classic plate that comes with Pork, shrimp, chicken and steak cooked in a Mojo style broth, and for two desserts you’ll get a flaming turtle and Yin & Yang mix.”

We all stared at him, “Have you been here before?” I asked interested.

“No,” he held up a rectangular piece of plastic lined paper, “It’s a recommended course.”

“That’s very convenient.” I mumbled and we all looked as our waiter slid the door open finally entering.

“Hello, sorry for being late, what can I bring you to drink.”

“A tea, please.” Shoto and Midoriya spoke at the same time.

“Alright, two sweet iced teas,” and for you, she turned to me, “A spirit free watermelon cooler.”

“Good choice, and for you sir?” She turned to Enji who was looking at the menu, “A Billionaire’s Coffee.” He didn’t even look at her.

“Alright,” she looked at us, “I’ll get your drinks and be right back to take your order.”

She left and we casually just sat there looking around at the decor.

“I like the low lights, it’s nice kinda cosy.” I talked out loud to no one, before I looked at Midoriya locking eyes contact, “perfect place for a date.”

He chocked on air and brought his arm to his face blushing stuttering out things I didn’t understand. I laughed a bit, enjoying the show before he calmed down when the waiter appeared.

“Alright, what are we getting?” She looked at us and all I did was look up at Enji, he sighed, “We’d like to try the Complete Fondue experience for four.” He tapped the plastic with his finger and she noted it, “in that exact order.”

She nodded again, “An exact copy of the full experience, now before I head out, does anyone want to add a lobster tail or any extra meats to their plates?”

“No,”

“No thank you.”

“No, I’m good.”

“No.”

“Alright then, I’ll be turning on the burners, they will get hot, please do not touch them.” She pulled out a small metal stand with a promotional flyer and placed it on the burners before she left.

“I’m excited.” I reached over under the table and took Enji’s hand and brought it back to my lap squeezing his bigger hand between mine.

His hand squeezed mine, I smiled up at him before looking down at his hand, callused, warm. Scars were present but hardly noticeable, I ran my thumb over his knuckles, losing myself in the patterns I began to draw, feeling myself fall into a feeling of nostalgia.

“Y/n,” I looked up at the sound, “Hm?” I hummed in response looking around.

“Are you fine?” Shoto asked his voice soft but his brows were furrowed.

“Yeah, just thinking about school and the internships.” I shrugged, “We’ve been through a lot with everything that’s happened, it’s hard to believe we’re just first year.”

“Hm.” Shoto nodded and I pulled a hand up and lates it palm up on the table.

“Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I see and the more we do, it kinda scares me,” I looked at a scar it ran from the side of my wrist to the back of my hand, it was a deep wound from my Internship, “But seeing everything also makes me realize,” I balled my fist up smiling, “There’s so much space for new hero’s to rise and it excites me knowing one day I’ll be out there fighting for a chance to be number one.”

“Ambitious.” I flinched at the waiters voice who slid the door closed as she entered, “You must be in a hero school then.”

“I, yes, I am.” I nodded and looked away.

“I’ve never heard of you, you must not be that well known. Everyone however would be able to notice our lovely new number one hero Endeavor.” She smiled and patted Enji who just gave her a side eye and she quickly pulled her hand away.

I let out a mix of a scoff and a laugh, “You must live under a rock, or be uncultured, I’m from UA, were our sports festival is streamed publicly almost everywhere throughout the prefecture and surrounding cities, not to mention I was in the news quite a few times with Endeavor and Pro Hero Hawks, I was on headlines and on front page covers of newspapers and magazines, if you can’t recognize me it really goes to show what kind of woman you are.” I made a face and she made a face back.

Before we started a stare down another person walked in, “Alright, here comes a hot pot, everyone be careful.”

As the second waiter was setting up the meal I couldn’t help but mumble to myself, “Bite me, it’s what rabid dogs do anyways.”

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After eating and Midoriya and I burning ourselves multiple times on hot cheese fondue we finished our desserts and started to head out.

We stepped out into the dark, the afternoon sun had set and the cities night life was crawling out into the streets, lights lit up outside patios, rooftops had flames lit lighting tables, tinted windows were lit up showing the chandeliers that hide during the day. Ladies in fancy dresses and men in suits and flashy attire. It was in that moment I realized how wrong our relationship is, I’m in UA, I’m only 16, sure the consent age is lower then that but, I, this is morally wrong in some eyes... I could ruin Enji’s career if anyone ever found out... I felt a sense of worry fill me. No one knew, I didn’t care before. So what scares me now?

“So! What are we doing tomorrow?” I looked at Enji and Shoto as we walked, Midoriya was unintentionally hidden by Shoto.

“It’s a surprise.” Shoto answered very bluntly and I squinted at him, “Very helpful.”

“How are Fuyumi and....” I paused the name leaving me and looked down, embarrassed, thinking, his name just couldn’t be Naruto because it’s pretty close to that anyways, “Natsuo! Heh! I remembered.”

“Fuyumi messaged me, they tried a curry at an Indian restaurant near the hotel, Natsuo also now holds the title for eating a plate of the spiciest curry in under an hour.” Shoto said flashing us his phone which had a very red smiling Natsuo holding a certificate and a $200 dollar check.

“That’s... impressive.” I was impressed, but it seemed like a painful thing.

I felt my phone buzz, I answered if, “Hello?”

“Hey y/n! It’s Fuyumi, I’d you don’t mind when you get to the hotel can you stop by the hotel shop and pick up something for indigestion or upset stomach, maybe heart burn?”

“Oh,” I smiled, “Yeah, I can do that, we’re on the way back about to get in the car, the streets are empty so we should be there soon, so, I’ll get it for you.”

“Thank you, sorry for the burden but I feel bad for leaving Natsuo while his stomach is hurting this much.”

“Don’t worry! I’m a hero, it’s what I do.” I smiled getting into the car as we reached it.

“Still, thank you y/n.” She sounds like she was smiling, I could feel it, in that moment how much she really cared for her family. It kinda warmed my heart in a way I can’t describe.

“Alright, see you then.” I ended the call and explained everything on the way over, Enji sighed and rubbed his forehead before pinching the bridge of his knows shaking his head. I smiled, noticing the edge of his lips twitch upwards a bit before he forced it down mumbling out Natsuo’s name and something I couldn’t hear.

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@waffleees-world @daedaep69 @gabrielislovegabrielislife @sabrinakishi @mae3solo

[kindness-ricochets]

I’ve been seeing a lot of thoughts and hc of autistic wylan lately and you seem to also be a fan of the concept. May I ask why? Exactly? I could definitely kinda see it but wanna hear you thoughts you’re always so eloquent

Hey there anon! Sorry for the delay—I’m guessing you already found an answer to this elsewhere while I was off Tumblr for a bit, but just in case, here are my thoughts. This will be heavily personal, but… well, you can’t very well ask an autistic person about autism and expect neutrality!

Autism is different for everyone and can be difficult to pin down, so while Wylan is arguably autistic, he misses several beats that for me would have made him definitively and undeniably autistic. For example, when the bells start to ring, triggering black protocol—I work in a place with a lot of bells and am frequently caught too close to one and normally press my hands over my ears until it’s over because that sound is like shrapnel raking across my insides. All of them. Not just the ear and brain parts. Wylan doesn’t have that sort of visceral reaction, but that may just mean he doesn’t have the same sensitivities that I do, or to the same level. He also never, that I recall, eats meat—as weird as that might sound, eating meat is incredibly complicated with heightened sensitivities to taste and texture. I’m not sure how old I was when I realized it was strange to get up from the table to spit out my food because it viscerally repulsed me. So it might be that Wylan is autistic and has different experiences than I do. Those are things I would include in a story as major indicators of a character being autistic. This might also mean that his father’s way of raising him taught him to hide unusual reactions and stimming behaviors. It’s not that much of a reach to assume a man who tried to abuse the dyslexia out of his son would take the same approach to autism. (More on autism and abuse later.)

So while I’m going to lay out why I read Wylan as autistic, that’s why I think it’s valid to read him as not being autistic as well. Both are valid.

A final caveat, I am well overdue for a reread of the books, so I likely left something out or could have found better examples. Take this as a few of my reasons for a personal headcanon. Anyone who feels differently, that's fine! We can each read things our own way :)

1 - Hyperfixation: The way Wylan loves music

Most of the Crows’ backgrounds color how they see the world: Kaz’s shrewdness, Matthias’s tactical thinking and superstition, Inej’s faith and Suli wisdom, etc. That’s a sign of good character writing. But very little of Wylan’s upbringing seems to have influenced how he sees the world. It comes closest when he thinks about how his father would scorn his new friends, but we never see that scorn from Wylan.

The way a hyperfixation feels, it’s like you’ve always lived in a close parallel world, never fully been a part of the other one where it seems like everyone else lives, but suddenly there’s this bright shining piece of your soul laced through the other world. It lets you connect, it lets you exist in their realm, and you can’t help but filter everything new through that lens because it’s the brightest, most wonderful thing. (I had been between hyperfixations for a while when I started a new job; six months into that work, I read Crooked Kingdom. One of my coworkers thought I had fallen in love, it was that marked a difference.)

So, combining these: Wylan never really acts like he was part of his father’s world, and indeed is in some ways separate from the other Crows, but he parses everything through music, his hyperfixation. He sets words to music to remember them, like he does with the contract. Even his own anxiety is made sense of through music, when in his first narrated chapter, he sets it to music: what am I doing here what am I doing here…. When he’s overwhelmed, his thoughts are “a jangle of misplayed chords”. The Crows have backgrounds that influence how they react to the world, but Wylan’s hyperfixation is his means of experiencing and understanding the world.

2 - Literal thinking: Wylan responds to exact words

In this post, I went into detail on the line where Wylan suggested waking up men to kill them. Wylan is generally unsupportive of killing people—Oomen, Smeet’s clerk, his father… he advocates not-murder in each of these situations. Accepting his aversion to murder, his suggestion to wake men up and kill them seems like a genuine reaction to Jesper saying he doesn’t want to kill unconscious men. Wylan takes things literally.

This happens the most with Jesper, probably because Jesper talks to Wylan the most. Nina and Matthias don’t really register him past how he might be useful, Inej is usually quite direct, and Kaz is very deliberate when he speaks with Wylan. This really interests me because Kaz tends to vary his speech more than the others do, he adapts more to being around other people. He jokes a little with Jesper, spars with Nina, speaks more openly and more sharply with Inej, and he’s precise with Wylan. Kaz may not know what autism is, but he recognizes what’s effective with Wylan.

Another example is when Wylan is sketching the Ice Court plans and Jesper says it looks like a cake. There are plenty of valid responses here: pointing out that concentric circles look like lots of things, that it’s just a sketch, telling Jesper to stop looking over his shoulder. Instead, Wylan says that the Ice Court is sort of like a cake. That… doesn’t sound like something Wylan would normally say. He’s not addressing the whole situation, he’s addressing the specific words Jesper said.

One of the most heartbreaking examples of this (to me, anyway) is with Marya. Wylan does the same thing with his mother, when she asks if he’s there for her money and says she hasn’t got any, and his response is, “I don’t either.” We understand as readers that what Marya is communicating here is that she is so accustomed to being utterly ignored unless she is being used, and if she told Wylan that no one visited but to take advantage and she assumed he was here for the same reason, he would say it wasn’t the case. But he just responds to the immediate statement.

There are a lot of examples of this.

3 — 0% perception, 100% creativity

Wylan can identify things that don’t make sense or that he doesn’t understand, but at the beginning of the series he can’t make leaps, only ask questions. On the Ferolind, he wonders about the source of water at the Ice Court; though Kaz doesn’t say as much, he was clearly wondering, too, because he eventually figured out the underground river. There’s an interesting parallel here where, in the beginning of Crooked Kingdom, Wylan asks a question about how they’ll break into Smeet’s and Kaz tells him to use his eyes instead of running his mouth—at which point Wylan is able to figure it out. I don’t think this is because he never tried before, though, but because no one ever bothered to teach him. Kaz can be harsh but he gives harsh corrections rather than harsh rejections and Wylan learns from him.

It’s hard to understand the world for people with autism. The world is designed and run by and for people whose minds are fundamentally different from ours, whose thoughts and experiences are unlike ours. Imagine trying to learn English or Spanish or Mandarin or any other spoken language if your first language was olfactory. That’s sort of what it’s like for someone with autism to just get dropped into the world and expected to figure this out.

This can be attributed to Wylan’s upbringing, but I disagree with that because none of the others were brought up in the Barrel, either, and Wylan doesn’t understand trade or politics with any special skill. Kaz wasn’t born in the Barrel, but he managed to go from “stealing is wrong” to “wrong isn’t my concern” real quick; Colm Fahey didn’t raise his son on gambling and firefights; the Ghafas never expected their daughter to be away from the family. Only Nina has relevant training—and even that’s precious little, she left school way too early. The others figured it out; Wylan needed a bit more help. He also seems surprised by the way his father conducts business. Wylan takes things on face value—like the time he’s surprised someone would do something, simply because it’s unlawful. This is something he expresses to a group of gangsters. He’s never been taught the way of any world and these things are not intuitive to him.

But Wylan isn’t stupid.

He doesn’t know how to understand the world, but he does understand how things go together. Given a pointy diamond, a handle, and a screw, he cut through Grisha glass. He carries flashbangs and magic napalm, he recreates military hardware—Wylan understands how to make things interact for a specific result. But to me the most telling thing isn’t just that he puts together chemical pieces, it’s that he figured out Jesper controlled bullets. He saw the pieces and put them together.

Wylan can understand when things don’t make sense, but he can’t make sense of them—yet when he understands things at their basic level, he understands them without preconception, for what they are. This is a very autistic way of thinking about things, it goes back to the literalism. He can’t make the leaps of logic other people can, but he also doesn’t make the assumptions they do—“I’ve never heard of a bullet Grisha, so that’s not a thing” vs “Well Jesper’s an almost impossibly good shot and he controls metal and bullets are metal, so why not?”

4 - Broken brain/body connection

Wylan’s great at chemistry and drawing and playing flute or piano—but he’s something of a disaster other times. This is in particular contrast to the other characters, all of whom are physically adept. Meanwhile it’s a challenge for Wylan to climb a rope ladder and he spends a full paragraph trying to figure out what to do with his hands. It’s easy to say, well, he’s used to a sedentary lifestyle, but at this point he’s not. He’s worked in the tannery for months. He’s just physically awkward.

I have less to say on this point only because it’s about something I don’t fully understand myself. I don’t really understand what it would be like to have a body that just… does things? Like normal stuff? Without tics and stims. No idea. Only that Wylan’s discomfort in and seeming lack of mastery of his own body feels very relatable to me.

5 - Abuse

One of the most familiar things about Wylan is how he has been so thoroughly abused and broken down that he’s afraid to do or say much of anything. Again, this is a place his background can be an obscuring factor. Of course Wylan didn’t think to blow up the walls when the first met the parem-juiced jurda and got trapped, he’s a spoiled rich kid! Except, he also startled when Jesper said his name later. Wylan didn’t hesitate because he was spoiled, he hesitated because he had no confidence.

He also thinks Kaz would laugh at him for playing music at his mother’s grave. Now, personally, I can’t see Kaz laughing at Wylan—being indifferent, thinking it’s pointless sentimentality, shaking his head, maybe commenting sharply that they need to go if they don’t have the time. But not laughing. Kaz is a snarky, sharp-edged jerk sometimes, but he doesn’t go out of his way to criticize, he just lets people know when they inconvenience him.

Wylan has been trained to identify attention as negative by an overbearing abusive father who literally saw him as less favorable than a demon. Now, that may have been hyperbole, but Jan criticized everything he could about Wylan—art, music, emotion—and made clear that he was worthless and competent to nothing. (Jan Van Eck can suck a rotten donkey dick but that’s neither here nor there.)

A lot of people with autism experience levels of bullying that have similar impacts. Or as the kids these days are calling it: we go to school. We go to school where we are weird. Where we look weird and move weird and talk about weird things and there’s a whole little bevy of asswipes to makes sure we know it. I got teased more for playing Pokemon and sitting alone reading than the kid who pissed himself onstage at assembly. (This was before Pokemon was cool. I’m old.) And that is not unusual for autistic kids. It’s also not unusual for this to be compounded by relatives or even parents who may be trying to help but don’t understand and can make things even harder.

So we can’t read social cues and we’re taught at a vicious age that everything that comes naturally to us is wrong. Imagine trying to interact in society with that background. There is no guide and most advice from neurotypical people isn’t actually what they mean. It breaks you down.

Wylan’s anxiety isn’t definitive of autism, but isn’t something that was incredibly familiar as someone whose neurodivergent experiences created a strong level of anxiety.

6 — High Compassion, Low Social Competence

Wylan isn’t very good at making friends. In fact, none of the Crows likes him much in the beginning, and only some of them soften toward him by the end. (Matthias and Nina come to respect his skills as a chemist but neither seems to particularly like him.) But you can see throughout the books that Wylan wants to connect with them and be one of them, he just… isn’t. He’s off-beat. He’s weird. He asks questions and mimics behaviors (trying to be cool and tough like Jesper, saying “mission” like Matthias does, imitating Kaz’s scheming face) but he doesn’t quite get how to adapt.

But he still cares about people. Not just them. Everyone. He cares about the people they leave in the ditch outside the prison wagon, he cares about Hanna Smeet, he cares about Alys. He cares about the people who’ll take a hit from Kaz’s sugar caper.

Wylan’s awkward social skills have undeniable big autism energy. I posit his compassion does as well. This is simply who Wylan is, and that means being someone who cares about everyone. I have nothing to back up that this is related to autism. I can say that it’s like me. (Not to brag.) I can’t turn off the part of my brain that says everyone matters. Individuals can opt out of that compassion, but they have it by default. There’s a certain agony in feeling a pull toward and love for just about everyone and yet an inability to develop meaningful connections with them, and that keen loneliness… it just burns.

Again, it’s not definitive of autism, but it’s very similar to an autistic experience.

I said in the beginning that I didn’t think Wylan certainly had autism and I stand by that, but he is a powerfully honest reflection of many people who do. So he can be understood to have autism, and that’s part of the reason some people have that headcanon.

[mobiusxyearslater]

Rekindling (A Sonally Story)

A/N: This whole thing takes place about two years before the whole AU/Your Dork starts off for context. ~Mun @t-vict101

On a cool night in New Mobotropolis, Princess Sally Acorn is walking back to her cottage from the Tommy Turtle Memorial Hospital. She witnessed her friend, Bunnie Rabbot give birth to her firstborn daughter Annabelle. The whirlwind excitement and joy practically drained Sally’s energy, it was time for much-needed rest. She quietly walked along the dirt path still thinking about her new niece, how cute she looked, and how happy Bunnie and Antoine looked. That’s the kind of love that could last lifetimes. Sally starts to wonder if she could feel that way someday. Well, she did at one point, the only person she felt happy with was-- 

“Hey there Princess! You’re out late!” Sally heard a voice pipe up.

She looked forward to see the source of the cheery voice, well who else could it be? The one and only hero of Mobius, Sonic the Hedgehog, sat there on her porch giving her a soft wave. Sally stared at him for a few moments unsure of what to do. The last time she saw him he was off fighting Doctor Eggman and saving the world once again. That was almost half a year ago. But that was how Sonic was. There was no tying him down after the job was done which led to their romantic relationship being more on and off if anything. 

The ironic part was that their last break-up wasn’t because Sonic wasn’t around. It was because Sally was too busy juggling her life between her duties on the council and her duties as leader. Sonic did confront her about it which led to a big fight then eventually they agreed to go their separate ways. There was a twinge of guilt in Sally’s heart because of that and seeing Sonic there acting as if nothing happened. All Sally could do is muster up a small chuckle as she looks at the blue blur.

“Well, you know me. I’m always busy with one thing or another.” she joked as she took a seat next to Sonic, who gave her a chuckle. 

“Oh, boy don’t I know it! So what was it this time?” He playfully props his chin in his palm, “Council meetings? Ribbon cutting? Oh! A big speech in front of the entire kingdom?”

Sally gives him a small nudge and shakes her head, “Oh shut up. If you have to know, Bunnie and Antoine just had their baby tonight..”

“What??” Sonic perks up, “Those two have a kid now? Man. I feel like I miss out on a lot.”

Sally chuckles and shakes head, “Well that’s what happens when you’re gone for months on end.”

Sonic chuckles and scratches his head, “Heh. Well, I do come back once in a while though so it’s not all bad.

Sally let out a small chuckle and nod looking out to the moon, “Yeah.. I guess so.”

The two sit in silence just watching the moon. There was a feeling that someone should say something but neither of them did instead soaking in the atmosphere. Somehow, someway, the silence was relaxing for them both. No one brought up the past or having to suffer the awkwardness of reliving the whole thing over again. But there was one burning question that rattled in Sally’s head. Of all places to go in the middle of the night, why hers? Sonic still had his parents, his Uncle Chuck, heck he could just crash at Tails’ place if he really wanted to. 

Sally cleared her throat, making Sonic’s ear twitch. “So, you just randomly decided to pop up here?”

Sonic sweats a bit and gives off a nervous chuckle, “I guess I made it too obvious huh?” He looked at her shrugs, “...I guess I just missed you.”

Sally quirks a brow tilting her head, “Is that right?”

Sonic huffs at her tone and tilts his head, “What’s with that tone? I really did miss you.”

Sally chuckles and pats his head, sighing out tiredly, “And I missed you too.”

Still unable to get a read of what she’s thinking, Sonic wags at her at a finger, “...Why do I feel there’s a huge BUT coming up.”

Sally frowns and sighs out, “But… This feels like a pattern..” 

Sonic gives her a confused look, “What do you mean..?”

Through her tiredness she starts to pet through the blue hedgehog’s quills, “...This. Us. You leave for a long time then come back saying you missed me. Old feelings come up and we try again. Then…”

Sonic watched Sally as her words tiredly trailed and looked down to the ground. He always loved Sally, that fact is the solid truth, but being committed was a whole different ball game. Thinking about her words more, he started to see the pattern too. Sure his feelings were genuine at the moment but he’s always changing his mind about them. He started to think that maybe Sally wanted more than just part of him. Maybe she needed all of him, just like he wanted all of her. Maybe just maybe, him leaving for months after each attack isn’t fair to her at all. 

Sonic huffs out a chuckle and slides his hands behind his head, “...You wanna hear something funny?”

Sally rubs the tired out of her eyes and looks at him, “What’s that..?”

Sonic rubs his nose a bit, “While I was gone I actually dated someone for a small while.”

All Sally could do is huff in response, “So you can here in the middle of the night to tell me about your exes to your ex?”

Sonic nudges her a bit, “Just listen for sec. While I was away, I actually dated Amy for a small bit.”

Sally’s brows perk up hearing the news, “Wow. You actually let up and let her catch you huh?”

Sonic shrugs letting a small chuckle, “I did. I was always running and she was always there. I figured that was something I wanted or something. At least I thought I did.”

His words slowly trailed off as he thought about his time with Amy. The pink hedgehog sure was a spitfire. Wherever Sonic went she gladly went along with him for support. He figured giving her one date wouldn’t hurt. Then it turned into two. Then it turned to something exclusive. Their honeymoon phase was sweet but soon after Amy found herself in a bit of a rut. Hopping from city to city, fighting badniks left and right, she was all in on that no doubt but she wanted something more. At first, she thought Sonic was that solution, but when she had him that feeling never really went away.

Sonic sighs out softly circling his thumb in his palm. “So she dumped me. She said something about traveling around to find her purpose or something.”

Sally stared at the dejected hedgehog and softly petted his head, “You’re number one fan dumped you. That must’ve been a blow to the ol’ ego of yours.”

Sonic stifles a small chuckle letting himself relax under Sally’s touch, “Yeah it was but I get it.  It was fine for a while but I guess somewhere down the line. She realized I couldn’t give HER what SHE needed.” He lets out a sigh and looks up at the sky, “...I am proud of her though. Whatever she decides on doing for herself, she’ll be great at it.”

Sally nods in agreement and lets out a small yawn, “Yeah. She’s too determined to let herself fail at anything that’s for sure. She’ll probably be the best.”

Sonic shakes his head and looks at Sally, “Alright, enough about my dating life. What about you? Anyone in your life?”

Sally huffs out a chuckle and shakes her head, “Not really. There have been dates here and there but my busy schedule made it way too difficult to really settle into anything.” 

Sonic snickers a bit, “Woo boy don’t I know it--” he stops himself when he watches Sally’s face slowly fall into a frown, “Come on Sal. I don’t blame you for your hectic schedule.”

Sally gives him a look and crosses her arms, “Isn’t that the reason you dumped me the last time?” 

And there it was. That sting of awkwardness they worked so hard to avoid has finally come to the forefront. The silence draped over them as they sat there with their thoughts. No one knew what exactly to say at that moment. Sally realized she still had her hand on Sonic’s head and quickly pulled away looking away.

Sonic took a deep breath, “I know I gave you grief about it before. I just thought we could be how we used to be when we were 17.” Sally opened her mouth to say something but Sonic held up his hand. “Which I realized now… It can never be like that. I guess… I was…. I dunno.. Anxious about everything changing. You and Rotor on the council, Bunnie and Ant having a kid, Tails being the next inventor of the century, even Amy…” He takes a deep breath and kicks the dirt a bit, “...Seems like everyone is running this race and I'm dead last.”

Sally hums a bit pondering about his words, “...I guess… You’re feeling everyone is outgrowing you…?”

Sonic’s ear twitches and lets out a small pout leaning his chin in his palm, “....Maybe yeah…”

Sally lets out a small laugh and Sonic gives her a pouty look. She nudges him playfully, “Oh stop. I’m laughing because you’re the hero of Mobius. Everyone loves talking about you and practically wants to BE you.”

Sonic huffs out and crosses his arms, “I KNOW! I know I just… feel like I can do… more… Like I could do more for the world, my family, our friends, even you--” 

Sally’s brows perk up at the last part Sonic started to say but cut himself off. It was kinda strange seeing him so vulnerable. Usually, he had a real cocky attitude with everyone and was the brightest in the room. Honestly, this was a side of him that she tried to bring out a lot of the time but he would always brush it off like it was nothing. He seemed almost embarrassed that he was saying all of this out in the open, especially saying it to her.

She softly puts a hand on his shoulder, “...Hey. It’s normal to feel that way. Almost everyone feels that way sometime or another, right?”

Sonic sighs out and looks at her, “Yeah but it’s ME we’re talking about.”

Sally huffs and stands up, “Yeah and I know you better than you think. You’re a guy who takes action. You’re always putting others first before yourself. You’re a hero that inspires everyone to be the best versions of themselves.” She holds out a hand to him, “...Now are you going to stop moping and do something about it?”

Sonic stares at her hand remembering those were the words he said to her years before. He huffs out a chuckle before grasping onto her hand and standing up, “You got me there. And you’re right, like always.”

Sally chuckles and shakes her head, “Of course I am. I’ve known you way too long to be wrong.” 

Sonic chuckles a bit and watches her make her way up to her front door. He leans on the porch rail and tilts his head, “So I’m guessing I shouldn’t keep you from your beauty sleep any longer huh princess?”

Sally chuckles and shakes her head turning back to him, “Well that all depends if you’re going to keep me up all night.” She opens the door and gestures inside.

Sonic gives off a snarky chuckle as he walks up the steps stopping in front of her, “Oh ho ho! And what exactly do you mean by that princess?”

Sally rolls her eyes and pushes him inside of the cottage, “I mean you’re sleeping on the couch!”

Sonic pouts and leans back in her hands, “Aw but I could really use a nice big warm bed after months without one!”

Sally shakes her head, “You should’ve gone to your parents then.” She lets out a soft chuckle before shutting the door behind her, “You big dork.”

END

[teawaffles]

Louis and the Aquaria: Chapter 3, Part 1

It was now the afternoon three days after that, for a total of seven days since the fish had arrived at the mansion.

“Oh, how’re the fish?”

Moran strolled jauntily into the hall.

Although he had left the matter of their names unfinished, since that day, Moran had gotten thoroughly hooked onto watching the fish, often stopping by the hall whenever he had spare time. Of course, it was the same for Fred: he frequently came to visit, and with Louis’s permission, had fun helping to feed them and so on.

As soon as Moran stepped into the room, he peered into the guppies’ tank near the entrance, and broke into a cheerful grin.

“Yo, ‘Fred’. Energetic as always, I see.”

The guppies were kept as a school rather than individually, and at this point, it was no longer clear which one had been named ‘Fred’. As such, that had become the name of the entire group.

After saying hello to ‘Fred’, Moran moved on to the tank with the pufferfish.

“I’m glad you’re doing fine too. Having the entire tank to yourself — it must feel pretty great.”

Perhaps it was because he’d given his own name to that fish, for Moran spoke to it in a remarkably familiar way.

“Compared to the rest of them, it might seem like you’re rather lonely, being alone like that. But I don’t mind that way of life.…… because, I also lived like that once.”

He lowered his eyes, his thoughts flitting back to the past.

“After I was deemed killed in action, I sought revenge on the bastards who put me through that, and lived in the underworld of London. All by myself, that is.”

At this sudden talk about his past, the little pufferfish looked somewhat puzzled.

But Moran ignored that, and continued in an impassioned voice.

“Back then, I’d been prepared to live alone for a long, long time. But then I met William. It feels cliché to say this, but I’ve truly found friends that I can trust.”

He pressed his face up against the tank.

“What I’m trying to say is…… Even though you’re living alone right now, one day, you’ll surely meet people whom you can trust from your heart. So even though you’re alone, that’s no reason to feel down. If you live on with determination, you’ll definitely——”

Moran stopped. In the glass of the aquaria, the figures of two men were reflected back at him.

With a nasty sense of foreboding, he quietly turned around.

There, standing with poise, were Louis and Albert.

“……How long have you two been standing there?” he asked cautiously.

Looking uncomfortable, Louis cleared his throat before replying.

“Um…… Sorry, but — ever since you walked in front of that tank, Mr Moran……”

Beside him, Albert broke into a puzzled smile.

“How should I put this…… To be able to speak so candidly with a fish, Colonel: your communication skills are truly marvellous.”

“Really……?”

Hearing that, Moran held his head in his hands. He’d given a heartfelt speech to a fish — it was an utterly embarrassing sight, and his high spirits had come crashing down in an instant.

“That’s unfair, you know: not saying a word, so you could make a fool of me.”

“No, in this case, you really were digging your own grave……”

“I suppose you’re right…… It’s no wonder you pretty much spend all your time here, Louis. To be unbothered by such simple things: is this the magic of tropical fish?”

“No…… Well, yes — if you say so, Mr Moran, then I’m sure it is……”

In reality, to have made Moran commit a blunder that was so unlike him, it might not have been entirely wrong to call it “magic”. Taking his feelings into consideration, Louis conceded the point.

Then, Albert spoke up in a terribly gentle voice.

“Colonel. If you’re exhausted, I could put a word in with William to give you a break from your duties.”

“Please don’t actually take pity on me……”

Albert had not taken his usual teasing tone with him; instead, his kindness was genuine, and Moran responded in a thin voice.

“……Well, I can’t help it, now that you’ve seen that.”

In truth, Moran had suffered enough mental damage to make him want to sleep through an entire night. But somehow, he pulled himself together, and resumed watching the fish.

As he did so, the other two men whispered to one another with serious faces. Even as the tips of his ears turned red, Moran pretended not to notice.

Then, as he walked around the room, he realised something.

“On a closer look, isn’t there a big difference in the way they're being treated?”

Earlier, Louis had been concerned for Moran; but now he reacted in dismay.

“What’re you saying? I do my best to care for them equally.”

“Then, what’s this?”

Moran gestured to a tank with his chin.

It was the aquarium that housed the very last few fish to be given names the other day — in other words, the three angelfish named after the Moriarty brothers.

Louis tilted his head slightly.

“What about them?”

“No matter how you look at it, isn’t their tank somehow more luxurious than the rest?”

Moran narrowed his eyes. As he’d pointed out, the other tanks were furnished simply, containing only the bare essentials for their inhabitants’ upkeep. In contrast, the angelfishes’ tank had an elaborate layout: it contained a variety of aquatic plants, and the lighting had even been adjusted to maximise the attractiveness of the display.

“Oh, Louis told me about that bright red one before: isn’t it an Alternanthera reineckii?”

“Besides that, I’ve also planted some Echinodorus tenellus.”

“I told you to stop that, didn’t I?!” Moran snapped.

Albert and Louis’s jargon-filled discussion immediately ground to a halt.

“In any case, I don’t see those fancy plants being grown in the other tanks.”

“Aren’t you overthinking things? I obtained some new aquatic plants recently, so I just placed them in an appropriate tank.”

“I don’t know: maybe you got attached to them, since they’ve been named after the brothers you look up to so much. In fact, it has felt that way for a while now.”

Actually, it hadn’t just been this time: ever since the angelfishes were named after the three brothers, Moran had gotten the feeling that Louis had become strangely devoted to them.

However, Louis seemed irked by that suggestion.

“Even for you, Mr Moran, such remarks are inexcusable. To me, these fish are nothing more than a means for my brother’s plan to succeed — I hold no special affection for them.”

Louis’s tone was severe: a product of his devotion to the duty he’d been assigned. But Moran seemed unmoved.

“No matter how you try to spin it, the present state of things says it all. But I’m not trying to accuse you of playing favourites. So you treat them a little better, since they were given William and Albert’s names. That’s a normal feeling to have, innit?”

At that, Albert — who’d been worried about Moran up until earlier — agreed.

“The Colonel’s right. The plan is simply to bring the fish to Stapleton alive; as long as your methods of rearing them aren’t causing any harm, you’re free to act as you like, Louis.”

“…………”

Even though they were living things, Louis wanted to deny outright that he held any unnecessary affection for what were mere tools. But now that he’d been admonished by his older brother, he fell silent, and said nothing more.

“Anyway, we’re getting closer to the day William wants to make contact with the target. Keep up the good work, Louis; you’re doing great.”

Leaving those appreciative words behind, Albert left the room.

“Well, it’ll be fine as long as you don’t let all of them die. It’s alright to have fun in moderation, y’know.”

Then, after a brief look around the tanks, Moran left the hall as well. But as he stepped out the door, he glanced back at Louis.

Seeing the man’s earnest expression, all of a sudden, a slight unease fluttered in his chest.

T/N: Moran is actually quite a sentimental guy… And Albert -not- teasing him for once kinda warms my heart… :3

[vanilla-vivillon]

So since y’all seemed to like Kanej kid, let’s do Zoyalai kid. Also David isn’t dead in this because it is to sad

||ROW SPOILERS||

TW, this has brief mentions of infertility and describes labor, nothing to graphic just talks about how painful it is

After the wedding zoya and Nikolai were both excited to start a family

Nikolai; while he adores his sister Linnea and his father, never really was able to grow up in a loving household

He never wanted that for his children

He and Vasily had a horrible relationship growing up and he wanted to di everything in his power to make sure his kids had a healthy sibling relationship

Zoya on the other hand never really thought she’d have kids

Before everything went down she kinda assumed she’d work as a general and work to help Grisha

She never thought she’d have children

That obviously had to change

The country needed heirs

Zoya already decided that since she was probably gonna live a loooooong time, when her heir came of age she would step down; that way she wouldn’t love for a super long time.

Now that Zoya was gonna have children she wasn’t honestly sure about

What if they hold her back?

What if she gives up to many duties for them?

But higher the all these other worries she didn’t want to turn into her own mother

No matter how much Nikolai assured her that never will happen

Zoya still had worries

Zoya was a lot of things but motherly she was not

Nevertheless in February Zoya and Nikolai told there friends they were expecting

They were all incredibly happy for them

Tamar loved children although she herself didn’t want any and couldn’t wait to teach the kid things like how to ride a horse or shoot

Tolya objected saying the kid should be well educated on poatry and great works that way the Nazyalensky dynasty might be somewhat pious

Genya was hoping for a girl. Genya and David had there son Forrest earlier that year and Genya was already planning play dates

David was happy for his friends and had already started on projects for toys for the kid

When they wrote Mal and Alina they were ecstatic

While Mal gave tips on how to handle babies to Nikolai

Alina with her wiles and years of friendship with Zoya figured out all the way from Keramzin Zoya was worried

She wrote “Zoya babe imma cut to the chase, your nervous, your scared, your probably worried you’ll turn out to be a horrible mother. And imma tell you your not. Cause you’ve got an amazing freaking team. You’ve got Nikolai, Magnus, Linnea, and Genya and David, the twins, and of course myself. There’s no way in hell we’d let you turn out horrible to the kid. We’ve got you”

It helped Zoya a lot

She decided it was orphan wiles that Alina used to diagnose her exact problem from the letter she wrote to her

And Zoya did have wonderful people to help her

She wasn’t alone

Zoya had been trying to remember that more

Three months along Zoya was safely into Trmester two and it was time to tell the public

This was crucial to the monarchy

While zoya and Nikolai were popular

They needed an heir to convive people of the security of the nation

They made a public speech announcing the baby and Ravka went wild

If there’s one thing Ravkans know how to do it’s rally around babies

Letter came pouring in from name suggestions to old wives tales

They said Rosemary made the baby healthier

They said they should name there child Plumje

Well the Plumje comment was from some Kerch girl Zoya found strange but never mind that

The announcement was huge

The people had hope

Hope that wolves wouldn’t come knocking

Hope that there boys and girls wouldn’t be drafted

Hope for peace

While the people rejoiced Zoyas pregnancy was getting tougher

She had a easy enough first trimester but the second? That was rough

The morning sickness was bad

Her Healer; a no nonsense Fjerdan Women said that the vomiting wasn’t something that could be healed

And so Zoya suffered on

Zoya insisted on keeping her normal schedule

Her usual meetings with Grisha and the spy’s

Passive agressive letters to the Kerch

Aggressive aggressive letters to the shu

And trying to figure out whether or not there was a revolution group in the Wandering Isle

Zoyas schedule was already stressed and the baby wasn’t helping

Eventually her healer; Monika, put her foot down

“Your Magesty” She started “if you do not alleviate your stress I guarantee your pregnancy will be worse”

“Look Monika I can handle a little throw up”

Monika and Zoya attended the little palace together

While Monika was a healer and back then the animosity between corporalki and etherealki were high, they were friends

It was good to have a powerful healer in your corner when half the little palace hates you

And it was good to have a powerful squaller in your corner when your Fjerdan and in enemy territory

“Zoya you are endangering your child” Monika stated

By this statement Nikolai had enough

And zoya finally listened

Nikolai assumed some of her duties and Zoya started to feel a bit better

Her second trimester was stressful for there relationship

Nikolai had a hard time understanding zoya

And Zoyas fears started to grow

But they were a good couple

And they worked through tension before

Zoya opened up about her worries of being a competent queen with a child

She leaned on Nikolai more

And they worked together to fix the damage

By the end of her second trimester there relationship was healthier

And they thought the third couldn’t be as bad

In a way they were right

Her morning sickness while still present was significantly less then her second trimester

However I new thing arose

A question that everyone had been thinking

“What if the baby is Grisha?”

The Ravkans had accepted a Grisha queen

But a Grisha dynasty was another thing

Monika told them outright that the baby was probably Grisha

Being Grisha tended to run in families

And Zoya was fairly sure her paternal grandmother was also a squaller

The whole science of Grisha heritage wasn’t studied well

Most Grisha were in Ravka in the second army

And most of the soldiers don’t have children

Zoya also learned her new found ability to sense Grisha wasn’t fool proof

Sometimes she couldn’t tell at all

And in Genyas case of being somewhere between a corporalki and materialki, she couldn’t tell what she was

She also couldn’t sense anything in Forrest Kostyk

That meant they couldn’t rely on Zoyas power

Nikolai couldn’t help but think tracing heritage would be easier if he wasn’t a bastard

His mother’s line was easy

She was a Fjerdan princess so he could trace everything back from the very start

And from his mother not a drop of Grisha blood ran through his veins

His fathers got murky

Magnus didn’t come from nobility

He was self made

A self made orphan

So other then his father neither he nor Magnus knew anything about Grisha influence

Nevertheless they had other worries

Zoya was in her third trimester and was going to give birth any minute now

Zoya honestly didn’t think she would make it this far

And that has nothing to do with her fears of motherhood

Her own mother had four miscarriages

Pregnancy complications were common

Especially in Ravka where most couldn’t afford mediks

But now that the due date was fast approaching Zoya was in fact okay

Zoya can handle pain, she’s handled much worse

Labor was one of the least of her worries

The due date was October eighth

And on time and punctual Zoya went into labor during lunch

Nikolai joked it would be a good trait for a ruler to show up on time

However Zoya was in to much pain to think about a snarky retort

She had vastly underestimated how much this would hurt

The pain was blinding

But Zoya was strong enough to survive the fall

And so in 3:07 PM son October eighth

Prince Mycanae Juris Nazyalensky was born (prounounced My-kuh-nay-uh because I threw some random vowels together and made it a name)

Myca (My Kuh) for short

With a tuft of chocolate brown hair and beautiful hazel eyes he shone

Nikolai absolutely adored him

He would rock him and sing him lullabies

But mostly tell him stories

About the amazing Privateer Sturmhond

Of the allusive Juris

Of the little termite

Zoya in the other hand had a different approach to there newborn

When he first cried she was elated

Zoya didn’t hold back the tears of happiness and didn’t even swear the healers to secrecy after

Zoya was the epitome of

“Oh god it’s a baby, as I holding him wrong? Does he have the right clothes on? He’s so fragile and precious”

Monika had to tell her three times that Myca’s crib was fine for him and it wasn’t to hard

However the family’s elation was short lived

They were a family

But they were also the rulers of Ravka

And Ravka needed to see the face of there hope

Four hours after his birth Nikolai presented him before the nobility

Zoya still wasn’t feeling to great and Nikolai Insisted he could do it

This is what the Ravkans needed

The baby met stability

Met peace

For once in many years the people could lay down in there beds without fear

But to Zoya and Nikolai

There baby wasn’t a political tool

Or a savior

He was just a baby

A perfect

Small

Baby

This is what love does.

Im really proud of myself for accomplishing this. I worked really hard on it and to keep our characters in canon. My ask box is open and n do any Grishaverse asks

If this gets 25 likes I’ll do a part two 😉

I defo think Nikolai and Zoya would have more then one kid

Also I kid you not I couldn’t find any good names for the life of me so I eventually took a break and was doing my History homework when I was reading some old Greek thing and saw the word “Mycenae” and was like “Yeah I can massively mispronounce this and make it a name”

Here is part two https://dablackdahlia.tumblr.com/post/651104016423583744/the-black-dahlia

I also made a Kanej kid one here

[duggardata]

Were Jed + Katey “Betrothed”?

There’s a bit of a rumor going around Fundie Tumblr, saying that Jed Duggar + Katey Nakatsu’s Relationship followed a procedure known as ‘betrothal,’ rather than the Duggar–typical ‘courtship.’  Ultimately, I think the distinction is more–or–less meaningless...  Either way, it’s a parent–supervised, chaste, patriarchal method of ‘dating,’ as much as the Duggars despise that word.  But, honestly, I’m intrigued by the Duggars’, etc., odd relationship practices—and, I’d like to discuss the possibility that Jed + Katey were, indeed, ‘betrothed.”

After the jump...

First of all...

What is Courtship?

As Duggar Snarkers, we’re probably all familiar with the concept of ‘courtship.’  The Duggars (and Bateses, etc.) often discuss it.  Basically, they like to say it’s ‘dating with a purpose.’  You don’t date for the sake of dating; you only date if you’re ready for marriage and believe your partner is your intended spouse.  A Duggar–style courtship also differs from ‘secular dating’ in that there is a lot of parental involvement:  The man pursues the woman only after getting consent from her father, and both partners are expected to seek their parents’ counsel as the relationship progresses to determine if marriage is appropriate.  There’s also a slew of rules, which vary somewhat, but often include—

Strict Limitations on Physical Contact   Sex is always off–limits, as is kissing in most cases.  Certain types of hugs might be banned.  Hand–holding might be banned.  ‘No Touch’ courtships aren’t unheard of.

Constant Supervision / Chaperoning   Usually, the couple isn’t alone together, ever, until marriage.  Chaperones tend to be ‘provided’ by the woman’s family.  Sometimes phone calls and texts are monitored.

Entrenched Gender Roles   Generally, the man is in control.  He asks the woman to court, decides when they get engaged, etc.  His partner begins a sad transformation, wherein she starts looking to the male as her absolute ‘headship’ and leader....  It’s creepy.

Lots of Praying  Everyone involved prays a lot and tries to figure out if the pairing is ‘God’s will,’ or not.

Courtship is a commitment, but it is not unbreakable.  Sometimes courtships fail, and that’s by design...  The whole point is to figure out if you’re meant to marry one another.  You haven’t decided yet.  You’re trying to decide.

What is Betrothal?

So...  How does ‘betrothal’ compare?  First of all, I need to say:  There isn’t a 100% agreed upon definition of ‘betrothal,’ here, since the Duggars have not ever publicly discussed it or publicly engaged in the practice.  With that said, I’ve done some research about ‘betrothal’ in Duggar–y circles, and here’s the gist...

With betrothal, there’s no trial period.  From the start, the couple vows—often literally—to eventually marry their partner.  There’s no backing out.  (If you do, you’re breaking your vow to God.)  Basically...  You go from zero to engaged.  (And, really, it’s more than engaged.  With a typical engagement, there isn’t a solemn vow before God; with betrothal, there is.)  After the betrothal, the new couple spends a period of time getting acquainted and planning the wedding, and then they get married.  As with courtship, the rules of betrothal vary a lot; however, in my research, I did see some trends.  Here are the ways that, IMO, betrothal notably varies from courtship—

Solemn Vow to Marry w/ Little to No Trial Period   See Above.

Ceremony / Ritual Aspect   Often, the betrothal itself occurs at some sort of ceremony.  It’s solemnized.  Often, there’s a literal exchange of vows, similar to a wedding ceremony.  Contracts aren’t unheard of.

More Extreme Parental Involvement   Often, the parents—the father, specifically—is even more involved than is typical in a ‘courtship.’  He often takes on essentially the entire responsibility of vetting the young suitor for his daughter, since there’s no ‘trial period’ where she gets to know him before being betrothed.  Basically, the father picked out his daughter’s husband for her.  That’s the whole point.

“Arranged” Feeling   See Above.  It’s not unheard of for the man and woman to meet for the first time on the date of their betrothal.

(Note—I’m talking about fundie–style betrothal, here.  Betrothal is actually a long–standing practice of various groups.  Notably, it’s part of Judaism, and discussed in the Torah.  We’re not talking about that sort of betrothal or any other sort of betrothal, here.  I’m strictly talking about the bizarre concept of betrothal occasionally practiced on the fringes of the Duggars’ circle.)

More About Fundie Betrothal

What’s clear, at least to me, is that fundie ‘betrothal’ is a way to ‘one–up’ the more typical practice of ‘courtship.’  Apparently, rejecting dating isn’t enough for some families.  They’re not satisfied just to ‘court,’ like everyone else.  So, they take things one step further with ‘betrothal,’ which they claim is better—more biblical, etc.—than mere ‘courtship.’

Digging into this, Duggar Data learned that a few fringe fundies really pushed this ‘betrothal’ concept.  One was Vaughn Ohlman.  Ohlman previously ran a website called ‘Let Them Marry,’ which creepily encouraged young marriage.  Basically, Ohlman’s whole schtick—which he sums up in “True Love Doesn’t Wait,” an article that is basically his manifesto—is that young fundies should marry as soon as possible, since supposedly the Bible says so, and God.  In pushing this strange agenda, Ohlman naturally got to the topic of the proper way to select a spouse...  His answer was ‘betrothal.’  (See Also.)  Eventually, Ohlman traveled the country, teaching about betrothal and how it’s the ‘right’ way to find a mate.  Courtship is ungodly and unbiblical, yada yada yada.  (If you’re wondering...  Yes, he was nuts.  Absolutely nuts.  Thankfully, he ended up shutting down his ministry after receiving a lot of well–earned criticism.)

Vaughan married off his son, Joshua, via a betrothal.  Here’s Joshua + Laura’s Story, which is one of the best–known fundie betrothal stories.  Another well–known, and highly disturbing, betrothal story is that of Matthew + Maranatha Chapman.  (See Also.  See Also.)  Also, here’s a chart comparing betrothal to secular dating and courtship, which I thought was pretty interesting.     

So, What About Jed + Katey?

Why, exactly, do people think Jed + Katey were betrothed?  A few things drive the rumor—

The ‘Biblical Betrothal’ Post   There’s a mysterious, password–protected post on the Nakatsu Family Blog, entitled ‘Biblical Betrothal.’  Kory made the post in June 2018.  Its contents is unknown, since it’s password–protected.

The Vows at The Proposal   On the video documenting Jed’s proposal, which was posted on the Nakatsu Family Blog, Jed and Katey apparently exchanged vows when they got engaged.  These vows somewhat resemble the vows that might be exchanged at a betrothal ceremony.

Kory’s Speech At The Wedding   At the Wedding, Kory made a speech when he ‘gave’ Katey to Jed, in which he sort of implies that he personally selected Jed for her, and Katey had agreed to this.

The Wedding Vows   Overally, Jed + Katey’s Wedding just seemed very, very fundie, if that makes sense.  Their vows hammered on the wife’s submission, yada yada yada.  Gives the impression that this was a very strict relationship, and they’re deeply committed to the disgusting notion of biblical patriarchy—which is the exact sort of idea that betrothal advocates are into.

That said, there’s also...

Evidence Against A Betrothal—

During the wedding, the pastor referred to their ‘courtship, and made no mention of betrothal whatsoever.  (And it’s not like he held back, at all, in talking about those fringe fundie beliefs...  Just read their vows!)

According to Reed Roberts, and also Jed, Jed + Katey were together for about a year, prior to marriage.  So, if those vows at the proposal were a betrothal, it clearly wasn’t a ‘traditional’ betrothal...  Since they’d already been together for awhile, at that point.

Reed Roberts denies that Jed + Katey were “arranged.”  (Though, I think it’s also worth mentioning...  He didn’t actually say how they met.  Which I think is kinda weird.  It seems natural to tell the ‘how they met’ story, in attempting to dispel rumors of an arranged marriage.  But he doesn’t.)

Final Thoughts

Duggar Data doesn’t think that Jed + Katey had a ‘true’ betrothal, thought I do suspect the courtship was probably stricter than most, and that Kory probably played a larger role than is ‘typical.’  I think it’s possible that Kory read about—or perhaps, even attended a seminar—about ‘biblical betrothal,’ which led him to making that post on his blog.  As for his comments at the wedding...  I take them to mean that Kory urged Katey to allow him to guide her in choosing her partner, and she agreed.  Maybe he even set her and Jed up.  But...  I’m not at all convinced that he chose Jed without her input, or that she and Jed actually agreed to a ‘betrothal,’ in the sense of vowing to marry as strangers.

Also, one last thing...  Regardless of what Jed + Katey called their relationship, I’m of the opinion that, honestly, it’s basically the same nonsense the Duggars have always practiced.  Betrothal or courtship...  It’s really not that different, in my view.  It’s all based on the same bullshit—namely. twisted gender roles and so–called ‘biblical patriarchy.’  Whether they were ‘arranged,’ or ‘betrothed,’ or whatever, we know the fathers always play a major role.  We know the women always defer to their ‘headship.’  Perhaps Katey + Jed (and Kory) were slightly more overt about it, but that’s it...  Call it Kool–Aid or call it Tang, it’s the same sugary nonsense.

[ephemerlskies]

constant craving 03 | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader

[other members - seokjin]

⇢ genre: drabble series, ANGST, bestfriend!au, unrequited love, the same idiocy just in a different font 

⇢ word count: 4k

⇢ warnings: explicit language, alcohol consumption (drunk jungkook makes his first and final appearance enjoy it while you can), vehicular misdemeanor (drive the speed limit kids), an all out emotional and verbal brawling, a lack of communication on one end and a communicational vomit on the other, seokjin appearance for about .02 seconds, the entirety of this is just.... angst

⇢ summary: your dates with Seokjin had become a somewhat consistent fixture in your schedule, however, jungkook's itinerary seemed to clash with yours when he called you after a night of drinking for reasons you assumed to be him helplessly pleading for a safe return home.

♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪

╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

a/n: whew, okay.... this was probably the most argumentative fic i have ever written so prepare yourself. i hope you all enjoy this god awfully angsty installment of the series! also, yes, jungkook is a sentimental drunk and you all know it

part three: i love you

It's true. It's always the biggest pills that are the most difficult to swallow. And if you could compare someone as elusive as Jungkook to anything, it would be the largest pill imaginable. The kind that hurts the first try, then when you drink half your body weight in water, the Jungkook-emblazoned pill forces down your esophagus no easier than the first gulp. You were still holding it in your mouth, pretending that pill wasn't about to dissolve and stain your mouth forever.

And that was the whole process, just to get over Jungkook. Because getting over him wasn't a one-step program. It was waking up everyday, training and retraining your mind not to think of him first thing in the morning. It was resisting the urge to press the send button on multiple texts and funny videos you knew would make him laugh. It was refusing his calls and every memory that would saunter in your mind and compel you to ask him to watch a movie or order takeout.

It was saying yes to Seokjin when he asked you on a date. And, it was doing your best to sever that instinct of yours to ask Jungkook for advice.

But old habits die hard, and this one still clung onto the bit of breath it wielded. That explained why your idiot of a best friend was sitting on your couch, offering half-hearted nods whenever you would walk out draped in a new outfit.

"Okay, this one?" You twirled around, as if doing so would make you any less skeptical of how you looked. And you were never one to scrutinize your appearance so closely, but this was the date. The one that might light the torch to a brighter romantic future and lead you to someone other than the man who could never be yours to begin with.

"Yeah. Cool." At this point, five outfits in, he wasn't paying any attention at all. He couldn't even bring himself to pretend, his eyes lazily fixed onto your dvd player.

"Jungkook, you didn't even look! Let me guess. You wanna play video games. Is that why you're giving fuck-me-eyes to my T.V. set?" You knew a laugh was far along, but you hoped that would get some sort of reaction out of him. Unfortunately, your words were barely registered for a good ten seconds, though, it felt much longer.

"Hm? Oh, sorry. Just tired, I guess." Jungkook said through barely parted lips. You knew when he couldn't even pronounce his words properly, something he took more seriously than others due to the hauntings of a certain speech impediment, there was definitely something wrong.

Things felt off from the moment he walked into your house. Judging from the way he avoided your hug, that alone suggested a sort of imbalance. It was a casual greeting exchanged between the two of you so often that when you lifted your arms to embrace him, it was born of reflexive association. Like Pavlov's dog, trained to hug him the moment you saw him. But the oddity of him almost discretely walking past you before any contact could be made wasn't where the tension bordered.

Following his arrival, he would have littered a few snarky remarks about how messy your kitchen was, while already scavenging through your fridge, just to get a rouse out of you. And Jungkook wouldn't call himself a connoisseur of all things fabric and fashion, but he surely would have a few thoughts consisting more than two-worded responses. But he just sat on your couch, armed with a face any poker player would commend, and gave you insincere cool's or nice's when need be.

"Okay, what's up? Is it Irene?" You sat down since taking a break to figure out what Jungkook was thinking felt better than continuing your self-absorbed fashion show.

"Kinda... We broke up. Well, she broke up with me or... I don't know. It was weird." It bothered you a bit too much that he didn't even look at you. But if he had, then you would have seen a film of red dousing his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Kook. Is there anything I can do? Anything at all? Want me to egg her house?" This time, he did laugh. You felt relieved he could at least ease slightly back into his expressive self, even if it was just a fraction of what he usually was. A fraction of Jungkook was more than enough for you.

"Nah, no need to go to jail for me. It's not like I didn't see it coming, and apparently she felt the same. Whatever." He let out a sigh that sounded trapped in for a while, then sat up. "We have more important things to worry about."

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe that. Jungkook, literally a week ago you told me she was the love of your life! And now you're just like 'yeah, whatever, I saw it coming.'" You used your notorious 'man voice', which was just yours lowered a few octaves, knowing it would crack another smile along Jungkook's lips. "Come on, I know you love her. This must hurt a lot. I wish... I wish there was something I could do."

You knew exactly what you were doing. Self-sabotage under the guise of consoling your friend. Clearly, it was selfish and regressive to use Jungkook's heartbreak as a means to avoid doing what you could never do before, what you knew deep down you probably would never be able to do: swallow that pill. And what felt even more pathetic than that was the stale, yet persisting hope that he would ask you to stay.

And that's when reality gave you the most gutting and obvious sign. Jungkook was your best friend, the man you had to lug home when he was too drunk to drive, let alone speak coherently or stand. He was the person that buys you ice cream when you're sad, but just as quick to cancel plans with you when Irene needed him. He was just a friend. You'd never be the person he chose, and it nearly made you angry at him for not seeing it all this time.

So, what he said next made everything he was most likely unaware of all too clear to you.

"No, you go have fun. I'll just... chill here?" It was his avoidant way of asking to stay the night, because you knew him to never sleep alone when he had an ache in his heart. "Maybe raid your pantry and use your Netflix account to binge some shows?"

"Fine. Only 'cause I can't say no to you when you're like this." His smile was reimbursement enough for all the food you'd have to restock and the electricity bill that would be higher than usual.

But what he did next, you could almost never forgive him for. It was so subtle, as though it could have passed as an accident or an act he was trying to perform secretly, without any intention of you even noticing. And how could you not notice? The far too temporary and entirely disarming linger of his hand on yours.

Now, you were always one to decipher his most subtle mannerisms, but this one felt beyond the reins of your perceptiveness. It could have been a small gesture of a thank you, but the gentle, and what one could even describe as sentimental, way his skin pressed against yours bore no semblance of a mere expression of gratitude. And it wasn't possible this was a caress of love, because he was already low on currency in that field, spending it completely on Irene.

So, what was it?

How would you describe the way he rested his hand on yours, as if asking you to stay without words, yet punctuating it quick enough to justify it a coincidental form of contact, that your hand just happened to be where his hand was?

"Well, I'm gonna go eat through my problems." Jungkook stood up before you could bat away the wetness in your eyes from your momentary refusal to blink, as if that would somehow help you visualize the meaning of what just happened.

"Oh- Okay. I, um... I should get going." So you did. You walked out your door, and made a decision beyond the demands of your devotion to Jungkook.

Because it probably meant nothing, and he was your best friend, after all.

---

It was easy with Seokjin. And surprisingly enough, that wasn't a bad thing.

You had come to realize everyone craves that passionate kind of love because, in the movies, that's the blueprint for what love should feel like. But that's all it is, something pretty and shiny enough to work into a film. Make believe. And it could never extend beyond the realm of silver screens, where best friends don't magically fall in love and passion awarded more broken hearts than you could count.

Besides, your heart was worn.

See, your heart is a muscle. It works itself to the bone keeping you alive, willing your lungs to breathe, administering blood to each vein and so on. To strain it for someone who was already in love was functionally inefficient. The heart, like any other muscle, grows tired. It can exhaust itself the same way your hand aches after writing for too long.

You needed a break from the gripping emotional aerobics that is and was loving Jeon Jungkook. So, it sufficed that Seokjin was easy. No more overexertion, no more aches and pains and residual soreness occupying your chest, no more of any of that. Because you knew Seokjin liked you, which was safe and easy knowing there was no point mapping out the possible meanings of every inflected word or shrug or smile. They were simply words and shrugs and smiles with him.

And yet, the thing about giving your heart a 'break' is the period succeeding it. When you were finished resting, you knew who would be waiting for you. Who you would always wait for.

"___! Hello?! I can't hear you! It's too loud!" It wasn't really that loud, your idiot of a best friend was just that drunk. You couldn't tell what concerned you more, the fact that his hearing degenerated when he was, from the sound of it, seven shots deep or that this was the third of alcohol-induced call for this week.

"Where are you?" You asked through a sigh, eyes trained on your Twitter feed and ears occupied with the urgent voice blaring through the speaker phone.

And since it was the third time this week, you were not even half-amused by the repetitive stunt he was pulling.

"I don't know... I walked out and now I'm out and I don't know." The hiccup following his messy sentence was comically textbook 'too drunk'. “Hey, we should take a trip! We should, like, go somewhere!”

“The only place you should be going is home.”

“See, I would totally do that, but I have no idea where I am. Why are these street signs so hard to read?” The end and beginning of each word blended together, rendering that sentence one long, slurred word.

By now, the step by step plan synthesized by you had been memorized. And even though you labored your brain to rewire any feelings leaving you at his beck and call, it clearly hadn't been proficient since your keys had already been gathered and his whereabouts programmed in your GPS via his location services.

"You're so annoying." It might have been rude of you to want him to feel guilty, but it was just as rude of him to interrupt your one night off, which was supposed to be spent with Seokjin, with his intoxicated antics. "I'm coming to pick you up."

"Yo- u are? I love you sooo much. You're the best friend ever, ya know that?" Overly emotional professions was your que to drive fifteen miles over the speed limit so he didn't do something stupid enough to land himself in an ICU.

"Okay, I'm almost there. I think I see you. Wave for me?"

The slumped silhouette you were squinting at began to frantically throw its arms side to side, making you both laugh and pull over so he could drag himself into your passenger seat. And, if you were being honest, he looked better as the blackened shadow of himself.

Jungkook, in all his glory, had his shirt almost fully turned backwards, hair ruffled into a mess, and face as red as the time you and him laid on the beach until your skin punished you with a second degree burn. And all those factors didn't amount to how he smelled like he bathed for hours inside a hand sanitizer bottle.

"God, you're a mess, Jungkook." You said that as jokingly as possible, but meant the sternness embedded in each word. Jungkook was a mess, physically and mentally.

"Hey! You're judging me! Stop being th-o mean, ___." Whenever he was this drunk, his lisp made more appearances in his speech than when he wasn't.

You hated how easily it reminded you of when you were in middle school and he was still navigating and rehearsing through his speech patterns. In middle school, when he was the sweet boy with his only fault being his lisp, who gave you his hoodie and a compassionate smile upon meeting you because your current bully plotted the embarrassment of a lifetime with that piece of chocolate on your seat. In middle school, when Jungkook was the only person in your grade who was kind enough to be kind and true to his word when he pledged his loyalty as your best friend. Forever.

With just one word, you were that timid little middle schooler again, helplessly and unconditionally in love with Jungkook.

Hauling Jungkook, who was more muscle than bone and flesh, over to his door was an art form you had trained, practiced, and mastered about thirty or so times before this one. He weighed about twice as much as you could normally carry, and nonetheless, he was out of your car and in his house in no time.

After you locked the door, you turned around to meet Jungkook, rendering the door frame into a crutch and effectively detaining you between his body and the solid wood behind you.

If you weren't so reminiscent in the car seconds before this, then the vodka-scented souvenir on his breath would have gagged you. However, being this close to him, feeling the warmth of his body consuming and overpowering yours, just made you want to sink into him even more and give him everything you had to offer.

His head was hung so when you looked up, you were greeted with Jungkook's lazy smile that gave his lips a boyish asymmetry and draped his eyelids halfway down his irises. And he had you spooled around him so tightly, this look just made him all the more appetizing.

"Kook, we gotta get you to bed, buddy." You tried to ward him off by weaponizing the most strictly platonic nickname you could think of, partnered with a neighborly pat on the back.

It was mostly to remind yourself that this man, who was an inch too close to your face, was your friend, and that in less than ten minutes you were expected to see Seokjin, but from the way he was looking at you, as if he reached into the depths of your heart to devour all your feelings for him and make them his own, you had to remind him of the universally accepted best friend boundaries.

No deep, romantic gazing into each other's eyes. No intimate activity that could be a precursor to anything more affectionate than a hug. No doing exactly what you two were doing as of now.

"Don't call me that." You hoped his aggression against what you said was merely his inebriated irrationally talking, and as always, his emotions were far beyond his control.

And, shamefully, you also hoped it was because he actually did feel the way you felt. What if he wanted the date that Seokjin was going to get tonight and he wanted all the hand holding and none of the back patting, a 'baby' instead of a 'buddy'?

"What? You're drunk-"

"Don't." Before you could drag him by the arm to his bed, a firm palm settled on your torso and closed the gap between you and the door while widening the gap an inch further between Jungkook and his bed, where he would fall asleep without the warmth of the only person he wanted. "___, please."

His voice was strangled with desperation and Jungkook was depleted of all resistance. He just needed to drink you up. To fill himself with the nourishments of your lips, your body, you.

"What-" He could have silenced you easily with a 'shh' or a finger to your lips. Or anything to your lips except his lips.

His lips. They were greedy and giving all at once. Making soft and intimate ministrations against yours as he kissed you before you had the chance to register what was going on. And even when you did, you let his tongue slide into your mouth. This moment was brimming with all the spontaneity you could ever be prepared for, and though it was new, there was no denying that kissing him felt like finally coming home just from the amount of times you had played this moment out in your daydreams. Plus, Jungkook seemed to ease his tongue along yours a bit too confidently for this to be the first time the idea of kissing you has ran through his mind. 

You're being stupid, you told yourself and Jungkook, but that didn't matter when you were finally allowed a taste of what it felt like to be kissed and touched and possibly even loved by Jungkook.

Your shirt was bunched halfway up your torso, his body pressed to your front a reprisal for the chill of the door against your back. Jungkook was, admittedly, a phenomenal kisser even when the lens of sobriety wasn't available to him. The way he ran his hands along the bare of your back like some desperate pilgrimage to discover the undiscovered parts of your body and took your bottom lip between his teeth like it was his to begin with was nearly enough to undress you from all your defenses, from all your clothing, from every single barrier that kept you from Jungkook for the past twelve years and let him have you. And finally have him. It was nearly enough.

Your hands divorced his body from yours before your lips and heart were ready to let go. It was painful, but the heartbroken look wringing his face into a tearful frown was even more so.

"No." You pushed him away further only to walk past him and seek refuge in the open space of his living room. "You don't get to do this."

"What? What does-"

"You don't get to drunkenly kiss me, Jungkook. You don't get to hold me and kiss me like you love me. It's not fair."

"Hey-"

"Because you don't. You don't love me..." If you weren't too busy finally permissing the hot words to boil over from pure anger, then you would have felt the even hotter tears wetting the expanse of your cheek.

"Well, how the hell would you know that?" His voice drowned out the loud pumps of blood beating in your ears like a drum.

"Because it would have happened ten years ago, Jungkook! Jesus, it would have been obvious from the beginning. So if you love me, if you really love me, then it wouldn't be happening now, like this. When you were drunk out of your mind and still vulnerable from Irene."

"You don't know anything." If that were the case, then Jungkook somehow knew even less than you.

"Yeah, clearly. I didn't know you'd stoop this low. I thought I was a lot of things to you. But I never thought I'd be some rebound."

"A rebound? You think that's what this is?" Jungkook seemed upset, but to your knowledge he had absolutely no reason to be angry with you.

He was, as always, displacing the burdens he didn't feel like dealing with on you, moderating you into an emotional punching bag. But what hurt more than those scrapes and bruises, was the aftermath of letting him fuck his worries away which would have consisted of him telling you the next morning that it meant nothing, expecting you to nod demurely, maybe even console him, and act like your chest hadn't been emptied and filled with his baggage in the most murderous way.

"Fuck you."

"Wow. You're really being like this? You really wanna talk about this now?

"You know what? Yeah I wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about the years. The years, Jungkook, that I've spent loving you! I- I wanna talk about the amount of times I've spent thinking about you when you were with her, and I probably didn't even cross your mind. Or how about the fucking thousands of times I've spent crying over you because I knew I was never going to be the one you'd want to wake up next to! And I had to watch! I had to fucking watch you fall in love over and over and probably wonder why I didn't fall in love either. It was you. It was always you, Jungkook."

"___, I-"

"No." His attempt to intervene was quickly denied. You were too angry to let him speak, too tired to carry these grievances any longer. "You don't get to talk. It's all out there. I loved you. I still love you! Fuck, I'm trying to get over you. And it's like you know. It's like you can read my mind or something and strike right when I'm about to recover from the last wound."

Your breathing was as heavy as Jungkook's was shallow. He could only stand, breathlessly, only curse himself for ever being so blind and regret taking advantage of your love even if it were entirely unknowingly, just to let his heart sink deeper until it fell completely out of his chest while his tears fell just as heavily.

"I'm done, Jungkook. I'm tired of trying to outrun you in this race that you're not even competing in. I'm tired of loving you. So, I'm done."

All the words Jungkook wanted to say, the words pleading for sound, carving deep gashes in his throat and leaving him vocally impaired, could never amount to the apology you deserved. Maybe this once, he wouldn't leave you wounded. He would gather the nobility to shut up and let you move on from him. Because you wouldn't know from his lapse of silence that he was empathizing with every bit of pain he caused you, and he hated himself more than you did right now for allowing such a pain to ever fall in your hands. But, where you knew you could someday forgive him for it, he knew he would never forgive himself.

He could scrounge for a few things to respond with, pour the weight of his emotions into the scarcity of his words, but he needed to let you leave and be selfless for once in his life.

"I should go. Drink some water before bed, okay?" You mumbled to choke back your tears, though it wouldn't matter letting a few more tears escape since you were previously sob-ranting and he'd seen you cry like this a hundred times before. He was the shoulder you never thought you'd have to miss leaning on, but walking out of his door punctured a hole in you. An empty space in your heart designed for the one person who had crushed the rest of it.

If this were a movie, with star-crossed lovers and a fiery infatuation blooming into what everyone secretly wants: true love, then Jungkook would have ran out of his door and held you close, professing his undying love for you. He would have won you back, reassembled your broken heart into fullness, kissed you beneath the brilliance of the moon, and lived happily ever after.

But this wasn't a movie, and he did none of those things.

Instead, he stumbled his way into his kitchen. He poured himself that cup of water you advised. He thought about how even when you swore to him you were done, you spared a bit of compassion to remind him to take care of himself. He wondered how deserving he was of everything you are. He touched his lips, searching for the echo of yours. He fell into his queen-sized bed meant for two, alone, and whispered the words that were ever eclipsing to the space beside him where he longed for you to lay so you could hear them for yourself.

"I love you."

a/n: sorry to put you through that, but the idea was born and i am but a humble vessel to bring it to life <3 hehe thank you all so much for reading and like i said, don't worry there will be a happy ending!!! (and possibly a longer-than-drabble final chapter to this series)

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 07 part one

(Masterpost)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Clan Sanren

Lanny Granny gets a second wind and continues her Yin Iron Webinar.

Wei Wuxian explains that although he was adopted by the Jiang Clan, Baoshan Sanren is his grandmaster, via his mom. Lan Yi claims to think that this is pretty great.

Lan Yi: Wow, amazing, my ex girlfriend who I dumped has settled down and started her own family Clan now, that’s so great. I’m so happy for her. So happy. So great. I mean, when I left I didn’t really picture her finding happiness first, you know? I kind of expected to have settled down myself by now but it’s hard to date when you’re trapped in an ice cave putting headbands on rabbits for 100 years. But it’s fine! I love my life and I’m sure eventually I’ll find that special rabbit person.  Anyway I’m just...SUPER happy for Baoshan. Really. Really happy. For Baoshan. 

Lan Wangji also appears to have thoughts about it, because he reacts pretty intently.

 Lan+Sanren 4EvR. 

Wang Yibo is looking extra fine in this cave sequence, with no headband to distract from his fierce eyebrows.  

Lan Wangji asks Lan Yi if she’s the one who pulled them into the cave, and she says nope, and then nobody ever explains how they ended up in the cave. “Perhaps it’s destiny” does not count as an explanation. 

Lan Gran explains that her battery is running down. The Lan bunnies are not energizer bunnies, apparently. She also tells them that it’s impossible to destroy the Yin Iron and that the only solution is to put it back in the cave and try to suppress it again. 

(more after the cut)

However by Episode 23 it inexplicably becomes super easy to destroy the Yin Iron...

...meaning Lan Yi spent 100 years in a cave for nothing, other than writing the Definitive Guide to Rabbit Headbands. 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get back into Hardy Boys cultivator mode, but this time with an extremely long held gaze, which I think is their first time doing this.

I mean...even if these boys are 100% neurotypical (and hello, they are not), this is a LOT of eye contact. I can't gaze that long at anything except my phone screen. 

We Will Achieve The Thing Together

Narrator: they will not achieve the thing

The reason I got into c-drama in the first place is, after decades of western storytelling tropes, it’s so refreshing to watch a story and have literally no idea what’s going to happen. Even when the story sets things up to happen a certain way according to my learned experience of stories, it just doesn’t play out that way. For example, if you’re watching The Lost Tomb Reboot and you expected the jade-mining sequence to end with a slave uprising, you were as surprised as I was. 

Here Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian promise to do their best to find and suppress the Yin iron. Lan Wangji is going to fail at this, allowing this here piece to fall into the hands of the Wens, because unlike his uncle he's not willing to let his clan die to protect it.  

Wei Wuxian is going to take his not-doing-the-thing several steps further, finding and refining his very own piece of extra-badass Yin iron. Yes, he has reasons for this and a lot of stuff happens along the way, but in terms of your typical quest storyline, it would be as if Frodo figured out how to use the one ring to kick Sauron’s ass, rather than (with help) destroying it. Again: this is why I LIKE c-drama. 

Lan Wangji tries to shut Wei Wuxian out of his quest and Wei Wuxian makes a short but utterly character-defining speech. 

You can’t stop me

I know what’s right. 

And then he says that his Grandmaster Baoshan Sanren was isolated because of the Yin Iron, and he has a responsibility to her. Lan Yi agrees. So...he just kinda quit the Jiang Clan right there, didn’t he? In favor of eventually becoming a wandering cultivator like his Grandmaster and clan uncle (Xiao Xichen), and like his mother. 

He is also going to follow in his father’s footsteps by upsetting his Clan Leader when he falls in love. Gosh, he also, like his parents, will die and leave an orphan to fend for himself. So -- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.

He doesn't realize the pickle he’s getting himself into, of course. Being Wei Wuxian, he thinks he can balance all of his increasing obligations, but being human, he won’t be able to. 

Pardon Our Entwinement

Lan Yi leaves to catch the spiritual plane, the Yin iron drops, the ward breaks, and Wen Ning appears to download a new software update. The kind that breaks your video driver and photoshops your eyeballs.  

Wen Qing comes nosing around the cave wall, and Jiang Cheng stops by to ask what she’s up to. 

He hopes she’s trying to find his brother, just like he will fail to do for her & her brother one day.  

The boys fall out of the wall together, in a nice example of the “oops I’m accidentally humping you” c-drama romance trope. To keep it censor-friendly, Wei Wuxian is actually on the ground next to Lan Wangji’s right knee but the shot is framed so that at a glance he appears to be in a much cozier position. 

Lan Wangji goes on an expression journey don’t say facial through several “oh shit we’re caught” faces, while Wei Wuxian shows Lan Wangji a few iterations of his oh-face. 

Jiang Cheng wants to know what the fuck they have been getting up to for a day and a night. 

The movie wasn't so hot, it didn't have much of a plot, we fell asleep our goose is cooked our reputation is shot

Wen Qing detects that they were somewhere cold and decides it’s her turn to ask nosy questions. Lan Wangji does the guilty startle thing. 

Fortunately Wei Wuxian doesn’t have that problem.

He turns his answer into a prolonged whine about how cold it was, how lost they were, etc. This annoys Jiang Cheng into dropping it and saying they should head back. 

I’m awesome right? so awesome right?

Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji a significant look to show that he’s deploying a rhetorical strategy on purpose to distract his questioner. Lan Wangji super does not know how to do that. 

Flute + Yin Iron = Profit

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get to watch as Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen tame the hunk of iron and stick it in the bag of holding. Wei Wuxian pays verrrryyy careful attention to this whole “use a flute to control the Yin iron” lesson. 

Lan Xichen really should reconsider his music-lessons side hustle. Arguably this one doesn’t turn out as badly for him personally as teaching guqin to Jin Guangyao does, but it doesn’t turn out great, either. 

知己啊  - zhi-ji-ah

This mostly-tedious Yin Iron conversation with the elders includes a super-important WangXian moment.

Wei Wuxian calls Lan Wangji his zhiji. This is the same word he will use later in the “what am I to you?” conversation during the Jin night hunt, and the word Lan Xichen will use when saying why Lan Wangji wouldn’t repudiate him during his forced isolation. As always, for the full meaning of this word, @hunxi-guilai​ is brills.

A Wen spy bird shows up, and Lan Wangji really wants to chase it, but Lan Xichen says no. 

This happens a lot, actually. Lan Wangji is not a cool-headed person, despite appearances.  Likewise the boys want to go searching for the Yin Iron and the adults want them to slow their roll. 

Being a teenager is frustrating, particularly with a classic “I didn’t actually listen to you before making a decision” adult like Lan Qiren in charge. 

Lying is my First Class Spiritual Tool

Nie Huasang shows up and has his usual hilariously varied reaction to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji - an enthusiastic “Wei-Xiong!” followed by a nervous & meek “Lan Er Gongzi” and a bow to Lan Wangji.  

He wants to know what happened and Wei Wuxian once again shows his powers of rhetoric. 

I like to call it my “devil snake.” 

He puts off all of Nie Huaisang’s potential questions by really knowing his questioner well and completely distracting him.  

This time Lan Wangji seems impressed. 

Jelly Jiang Cheng

Young Master Cockblock shows up and lets loose with a display of total naked jealousy. That carving on Wei Wuxian’s bed back in Lotus Pier...is that him and Jiang Cheng? Because damn, this boi is jealous. 

...and so is Lan Wangji, apparently, or at least he’s disappointed to have Wei Wuxian taken away from him like that.  

Yearn Mode Enabled

Club Ruohan’s Foyer

Wen Chao and Xue Yang stand awkwardly in Wen Ruohan’s vestibule talking to the boss through a giant door, because sure, why not. 

This doesn’t bother Xue Yang, who as usual has no fucks to give. Except that today, Wen Ruohan tells him that the budget for his project finally got approved, which lifts his spirits quite a bit. 

His project to single-handedly slaughter an entire clan, and he is super excited about the kickoff meeting. 

Wen Chao is mopey because his brother gets all the good murder assignments and his dad doesn’t appreciate him. Boo fucking hoo. 

Periodic reminder that He Peng looks like this when he’s not playing Wen Chao.

Part 2 coming soon!

Soundtrack: Wake Up, Little Susie by the Everly Brothers

Bonus

[dajaregambler]

HeliosR - Keith Max Card story “Warm-hearted man”

Translation of Keith Max’s 4* “1st Anniversary” card story from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’.

Keith: Here I go~~~

Dino: Owawah!?

Keith: Oops… m’bad, threw it weirdly. Been too long since I played catch, so my control is…

Dino: Nah, it’s fine!

Brad: He’s very quick on his feet. Pretty impressive on Dino’s part

Keith: Man, seriously. Pretty often doubt if we’re really the same age 

Keith: As for you… well, you’re more clapped-out than fitting for your age

Brad: Clapped-out?

Dino: That’s absolutely not true, Brad

Dino: If anything, I think it’s amazing how you always have a sense of freshness when your so absurdly busy

Keith: Eeeeh, really now?

Dino: You’re looking all cool during catch now too …

Dino: Which is why I ended up thinking if you’re maybe tired or so… Everything alright, Brad?

Brad: It’s fine

Brad: I wondered what happened for you to suddenly call out to me, but to think it was to play catch with the three of us… Was the last time since we were rookies?

Dino: Been a while, hasn’t it? Thought that you should take a breather too 

Dino: Maybe I should worry about Keith more. Not too long before he’s gonna start huffing and puffing, right?

Keith: Oi, what’re ya treating me differently for...

Dino: Hm? You’re holding up better than I thought?

Keith: I’m telling ya… I’m pretty much the same age as you guys. Yer gonna make Jay cry, he definitely will

Dino: Yeaaah, I don’t think it’s too good to use Jay as an example though…

Brad: Actually, your stamina has increased compared to before… rather, hasn’t it returned?

Keith: Heh heh heh… Finally noticed, haven’t ya Brad

Keith: It’s a fact that my stamina and physical power has came back to me lately

Keith: Ah! Just to be clear, don’t even think I’m gonna go all like, time to put effort into working, okay!? I wanna keep things as they are now!

Dino: So uncool, Keith…

Brad: Leaving that aside…. I’m pleased with how you’re healthier than before

Brad: Generally speaking it might’ve not been to a level where it posed a problem, but when considering your position as a hero, your lack of basic physical strength was overwhelming.

Brad: And all of it came down on your negligent behaviour. It’s only natural for you to turn out as you did when you continued to neglect your own health and wallow in alcohol and cigarettes. 

Keith: S-shuddup. Gimme a break...

Brad: Thank Dino for it

Keith: Wha…

Brad: It’s painfully obvious how he’s the reason for your change in attitude. Anyone could guess that Dino’s return was the biggest factor.

Dino: I haven’t done that much though?

Keith: T-that’s right. Don’t start exaggerating now… It is clear that I’ve been drinking and smoking less since he’s back though.

Keith: Kinda irritating he has to butt in about every single thing, and he keeps waking me every morning up way earlier than needed too… 

Dino: Because you’ll sleep forever if I leave you be, Keith

Keith: I tend to wake up in the nick of time, y’know… ‘Cuz I’m the type that lives his life cleverly by doing so

Dino: Really now?

Dino: But well, don’t the rookies play a huge part in Keith being healthier than before too?

Dino: I think becoming a mentor for the 13th generation of rookies must’ve been a pretty big deal in itself too...

Brad: You’re right, that’s another thing to consider

Keith: ...Again, that’s an exaggeration 

Keith: It’s better that Dino’s back now but, looking after ��em was stressful enough already

Dino: Don’t say that now. Junior and Faith are both nice kids, and any kind of encounter is one that you should treasure

Keith: No way. I prefer for every day to be the same as usual

Dino: For every day to be the same as usual… Yeah, that’s pretty important too

Brad: …….

Keith: Haah? Oi Brad, what’s that face for…

Brad: Nothing… Merely remembered something from back at the Academy---

-

Dino: Ah, Brad. Did you buy a new bag?

Brad: No, it’s one I have been using all this time…

Dino: Eh, really? It kinda looked all new and pretty, so I thought that it had to be a new one

Dino: Speaking of which, you do treat your things with much care. Bet you’re pretty good at it too

Dino: How nice~ Mine gets worn out pretty quickly, impressive how you’re able to pull off keeping things neat!

Brad: You are quite the active type. Your possesions must be happy for it to be used to that kind of extent.

Dino: Uwaah, Brad, you understand the feelings of objects?

Brad: No, what I said was…

Keith: Figure of speech, right? Ya oughta get that much at least

Dino: Keith’s… bag is unexpectedly decent? Am I the only one with a tattered bag!?

Keith: That “unexpectedly” was uncalled for...

Keith: I only make sure to treat it carefully to avoid damaging it as much as I can. Ain’t the type to spend money all willy nilly, y’know 

Dino: For what reason it might be, it’s good to be able to treasure things. Love and peace...☆

Keith: And there it is… Still bird brained as ever

Keith: Mh? Where ya guys going?

Brad: There’s a gathering at the student council that requires my presence, and Dino is backing up for the football club…. Actually, we should’ve already talking about this earlier today

Keith: R-really?

Dino: Sorry, Keith. I’ll be back late today, but once we’re all at the dorm let’s get together and throw a pizza party!

Keith: E-enough. Everyday’s just pizza and pizza…

Keith: Also, we see each other in class every single day too, no need to get together at our dorms

Keith: I’m gonna, go have my fill of having some alone time. …...See ya

Dino: And he’s off....

Dino: I was considering ordering pizza that I wasn’t sure if I should get yesterday though….. Should we stop holding these pizza parties?

Brad: No need to worry. He says that but there’s not a day where he hasn’t shown up.

Dino: N-now that you’re pointing it out…

Brad: Despite what he says, meeting up like this during lunch and after school has become a habit for us

Brad: If he truly thought it was annoying, or if he didn’t like it, he should be avoiding us and going home on his own.

-

Brad: ----How that part of hating change is still the same as ever

Keith: What in the world did ya remember….? S’creepy to go on your own about that

Dino: I’m also curious. What are you thinking about, Brad

Keith: Wait… Oi Dino, we gotta go home

Dino: Eh, already?

Keith: Sun’s setting already. Grown men playing catch in a park until it gets dark outside… Way too damned lame

Dino: Ah but, if we leave now we’d be back right when the rookies had wrapped up their training.

Dino: Awright, let’s all sit down to eat dinner! Let’s pi----

Keith: Pizza’s off the table. Everyday’s just that and that, enough of it

Dino: EEEH~!? Here I sat thinking how I should order from this pizza place nearby after we head home, it was one my mind before we even started playing catch today!

Keith: As if I care. Go eat with them rookies, I absolutely ain’t gonna be part of it

Dino: EeeeEEEH~!? Don’t say that, Keeeeiiiiiiithhhh!!!!!!!!

Brad: (....While behaving as if he can’t accept change, he’ll grow unusually attached to things once he lets them close to him.)

Brad: (He won’t ever admit it himself but, that hasn’t changed at all too.)

Brad: (And it seems that he gained one more thing to treasure ever since meeting the 13th generation of rookies---)

[mxndoscyarika]

Honeydew (Marcus Pike/Moreno x OC) | Chapter 6

Summary: Erin He moves to DC after working for the FBI in Texas and runs into a hero in disguise; Marcus Moreno. Something about him is familiar, too familiar, yet different in a way that she can’t quite place. Although confused, she can’t deny her feelings for him; perhaps, after years of regret, she finally found the one.

Warnings: food/drink mention, death mention

Ao3

Honeydew masterlist

Like my writing? Here’s my masterlist.

Author’s Note: Thank you for being so patient 🥺 School+job interviews have been kinda crazy for the last few weeks. But now I’m on spring break AND got an internship, so hopefully the coming chapters will be up soon. Enjoy!

“Are you sure you don’t mind picking up Missy? I don’t want to keep you from your work.”

Erin laughed softly, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “I’m turning into the school parking lot already, babe. I don’t mind, really. It’s nice to spend time with Missy.”

Her boyfriend let out a sign of relief on the other end of the call. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“You’ve mentioned it a couple times,” she replied, pulling up to the pickup line. When she spotted Missy, she waved her over. Her heart soared as the little girl’s face lit up like the sun. “I should let you get back to work. I’ll bring her back to your place, so don’t worry about stopping by my apartment, ok?”

“Okay, honey.” A pause. “Thank you for taking care of my baby. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Probably run around frantically,” she teased, unlocking the car doors so Missy could climb into the back seat. “Now go save the world, Marcus. I’ll see you at home in a few hours.”

After that, she hung up and turned around in her seat to greet Missy, who was already buckled up. “Ready to go home?”

The little girl nodded. “Will you stay for dinner tonight? We haven’t had a night with all three of us in a while.”

Erin laughed softly, pulling out of the pickup line. “Missy, sweetie, I stayed over this past weekend! But yes, I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

“Can you stay forever, then?”

Well, that was unexpected. Yes, she’d become an integral part of the Morenos’ lives, but she never thought Missy would want her around all the time. Surely she missed her mom, or missed having free reign around the house with just Marcus as her parent figure. She couldn’t be that important, could she?

Part of her couldn’t help but melt at Missy’s request. For a long time, she’d wanted to find someplace that she could call home–a place where she could live, appreciate, and be appreciated in return. It would’ve been a lie to say that she never thought of a life with the Morenos, but she knew that it was more complicated than her late-night fantasy made it out to be. She couldn’t just barge into their lives.

The drive to Marcus’s house was muscle memory at that point, the turns of her wheel well-practiced. After their first date, they’d gone on two more. And while neither of them had gone much further than needy kisses, she couldn’t help but fall a little more in love with him. He was worth it. He was worth everything.

Missy bounced on the balls of her feet as Erin fished out the house key from her purse, bounding into the house the moment the door was unlocked. “If I finish my homework early, can we bake something?”

“Maybe,” she mused, setting her shoes on the shoe rack by Missy’s. After locking the front door, she walked into the main family and dining area. “What did you have in mind?”

“Can we make a tres leches cake?” Missy asked, looking up at her with innocent eyes. “I asked dad, but he said no.”

Erin chuckled and sat down in the chair next to her. “That’s probably for a good reason, sweetie. We just finished a cake roll the other day, so maybe we can bake it this weekend. Instead, we can have ice cream today.”

The girl sighed and shrugged. “Okay, it was worth a shot.” She frowned as she read over her english homework. “Parts...of speech? I don’t remember learning any of this in class. Can you help me? Pleeeease, Erin?”

Humming in confirmation, she set down the file she was reading and turned so she could read the homework sheet better. “Ah, I remember learning this in school. It’s not too bad, it’s just that the names are a little weird. Let’s see…”

They worked on the homework together, Erin explaining the concepts and asking Missy to give her examples of everything from verbs to nouns. She tried not to think about what it would be like to spend more afternoons and evenings helping her little girl with homework. It was a long way off, and she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

She was explaining the difference between nouns and proper nouns when Missy mentioned, “You know, dad used to have a different name.”

Erin raised a dark brow, surprised at how nonchalantly the girl had made the comment. “Really, now?” It probably shouldn’t have come as that much of a surprise–didn’t most superheroes have codenames, or secret identities?

Missy nodded. “Well, I think so. I remember when I was little, sometimes he would write Marcus Pike on my permission slips instead of Moreno. Then he’d have to cross it out and fix it. Silly, right?”

Erin froze, her heart dropping into her stomach. Her Marcus...was Marcus? “Oh...that is silly. I wonder why he changed it.”

It didn’t make sense. Marcus Pike disappeared nearly a decade ago, and as far as she knew, he wasn’t affiliated with the Heroics. And he certainly couldn’t have a daughter that was in second grade.

Or could he?

But if he was the Marcus Moreno, then why did he need to have a fake identity? More importantly, why didn’t he tell her that he was Marcus Pike? Even if it was a codename, it didn’t matter once they met. Unless...he didn’t want her to know.

Maybe he didn’t want to be found;  because if she was anything to him, why didn’t he look for her? Why didn’t he try to contact her?

The air turned cold. Breathing slowly through her nose, she sat back and opened her laptop. She scrolled through the reports of Marcus Pike’s disappearance. There was nothing on him except some anecdotes and some text messages between coworkers. There was no address, no email, no mention of his name online. He’d very much disappeared. No one, not even her best agents, could find any trace of him after that winter day eight years ago.

Sighing, she switched gears and pulled up as much information as she could find about Marcus Moreno. She didn’t like the feeling of prying into his life, but she had to know. It didn’t make sense: if Marcus Pike existed for years within the FBI, what was Marcus Moreno up to? Did he disappear too?

Her hands shook as she clicked on the website of the Heroics and went to Marcus’s page. Unlike most of the other heroes, he didn’t have a codename. Why was that?

She paused at his photo, gaze softening slightly. As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, he did look a lot like Marcus Pike. He had the same furrow between his brows, the same nose. They were the same height as well, which she’d noticed as her body fit perfectly against him.

They–he?–both knew her coffee order like the back of their–his?–hand, and knew exactly how to comfort her when the stress from work became too much. He called her the same pet names, her favorite being….honeydew.

Shit.

Only one person ever called her “honeydew.”

She was terrified as she scrolled down.

The first appearance of Marcus Moreno as a member of the Heroics was eight years ago.

How could she have been so blind? He was right in front of her the entire time, and she never noticed. She built her entire reputation on remembering details and noticing everything, and she couldn’t pick up on the clues. Who else would call her “honeydew,” hug her like it had been years, and want to take the relationship slow?

It was too much.

Not wanting Missy to worry, Erin got up from the table and locked herself in the bathroom before letting the tears fall.

Why did he have to go?

Why didn’t he tell her?

Why didn’t he come back?

---

Erin only let a few tears fall before gathering herself again. She couldn’t let Missy know the truth, not yet. She had to be strong for her, just as she had to be strong for her team when every lead turned into a dead end. So much time had passed since she last had any hope of seeing Marcus again; part of her didn’t want to believe it. But at the same time, she couldn’t deny it anymore: Marcus Moreno was Marcus Pike. He was alive and well, and happy.

The least she could do was be happy for him.

But it didn’t soften the blow on her pride.

Dinner was a quieter affair than usual. She couldn’t bring herself to talk more than a couple sentences at a time, for fear of something slipping out. Maybe it was better that way. Marcus obviously didn’t want to deal with the effects of disappearing, so why should she make an effort to find closure?

That was another thing, she realized. If he really was Marcus Pike, then would she ever get closure? Would she ever get to truly move on from the one person she could never have?

Once Missy went upstairs to get ready for bed, the silence grew deafening. There was so much she wanted to say, but she didn’t know how.

Marcus must’ve sensed something was off, because his brows furrowed just slightly. He came up and leaned against the counter, watching as she transferred the leftovers into tupperware containers. “What’s wrong?”

Erin sighed. Part of her didn’t want to confront him and destroy the little bubble of happiness surrounding them, but she needed answers. If he reacted badly….maybe he wouldn’t be the one. Resigned, she asked, “Why did you lie to me, brown eyes?”

A blanket of silence settled in the kitchen.

His eyes widened. “W-what do you mean?”

Fighting back tears, she asked, “Why did you let me think you were dead, Pike? I-” She covered her face with her hands, eyes clenched shut. “I searched for you, but you were gone!”

“I’m sorry,” he said, eyes glistening. “I should’ve told you.”

As she started trembling, he realized it was the first time he’d ever seen her cry. His honeydew was crying because of him.

“I just wanted my best friend back,” she said. Facing him, she asked, “Were you ever going to tell me? Or was I supposed to live the rest of my life feeling guilty that I was moving on from the love of my life?”

Marcus felt like he’d been punched. She…wanted him since the beginning? “Your...what? Honeydew, I-”

She stepped back as he reached for her. His heart broke as she shook her head and said firmly, “No. You don’t get to call me that. I don’t….I don’t even know who you are.”

“Okay,” he said softly, taking off his glasses. Tears dripped down his face as he faced her. “Let me introduce myself. Completely. My name is Marcus Moreno. We met when I was hiding under an alias: Marcus Pike.”

He told her about his family, and his involvement with the Heroics early on in his life. His mother, Anita Moreno, was one of the original heroes in the organization. As the Heroics grew more prominent and began working with the government, he needed to change his name–while his mother wanted to help the world, he just wanted a normal life. He wanted to go to school, make friends, and have a family someday.  With the status that came with being a Moreno, he couldn’t do any of that without putting his loved ones in danger. So, with the help of the Heroics, he changed his identity to Marcus Pike.

Most of his adult life, including university, was spent as Marcus Pike. His failed marriage had Marcus Pike written on the certificate. Even when he worked for the FBI, he was documented as Marcus Pike; no one knew who he was, not when new people were being cycled in and out of the workplace.

After moving to DC and having his engagement with Teresa Lisbon broken off, he gave up. He contacted his mother, got involved with the Heroics again, and had his identity erased so he could take over as the leader of the Heroics.

“But that doesn’t explain why you couldn’t tell me,” she said, frowning. “Is the difference between Marcus Pike and Marcus Moreno so big that it would affect our relationship?”

Marcus sighed. “Do you really want to know?” When she nodded, he confessed, “I didn’t tell you because...I didn’t want to lose you.”

Her gaze softened. “What?”

“I was afraid that if you saw me as Marcus Pike, you’d  only ever see me as a friend,” he explained. “And he is me…. But the way you looked at Marcus Moreno was all I ever wanted. It was everything I wished I could have back and more. The most painful part of leaving Pike behind was losing you. It was losing the chance to tell you how I felt, and to see where we could’ve gone together.” He stepped closer, and this time she didn’t flinch away when he touched her. “It was selfish, I know. I’m sorry. But I promise you, Erin, my honeydew, my feelings for you are real. They always were. No amount of name changes and secret identities can change that.”

Unable to stop herself, Erin threw her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. “I missed you so much.”

He held her close and stroked her hair, basking in her warmth. “I missed you too.”

“You’re an idiot, though,” she said, clinging to him as if he would disappear if she let go. “I would’ve said yes whether or not you were Pike.”

“But?”

“But, that doesn’t mean I’m not mad,” she said. A wave of humiliation crashed over her. “If you were anyone else, I’d be gone.”

“I know,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head. “I’m sorry. You have every right to be mad, and I don’t blame you if you want some space.”

“I don’t know what I want anymore,” she said softly, wincing as her head started throbbing. “I...I want space, but I’m afraid I'll lose you again. I’m mad, but I’m also….glad that my best friend is alive and well.”

“You can stay for the night, if you want,” Marcus offered, searching her gold-flecked eyes. He braced himself for the rejection, for her to scoff and storm out of his house. But it never happened.

Once everything was put away in the kitchen, they made their way up to his bedroom and got ready for bed. Sharing the bathroom as they brushed their teeth and washed their faces felt odd. Why did it feel like they’d been robbed of years of their life?

He didn’t regret marrying his late wife–no, never–but the more he and Erin spent time together, the more aware he was of just how much things could’ve been different. Everything he had was because he couldn’t tell a woman he loved her eight years ago.

Nestled against him, Erin sighed. “You don’t have to go with me on the undercover op. This job...it’s important and I can’t afford to be distracted.”

He shook his head. “No, I promised you I’d go. Everything will be alright, honey.” The familiar weight of her body against his soothed his nerves, even after everything. “I’m sorry we lost so much time. I’ll make it up to you.”

Erin didn’t respond.

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[deejadabbles]

Parkside Confessions (Yami x Reader drabble)

Due to upheavals in my personal life I’ve been unable to write much of anything for several months, so, to help get back into the swing of things I figured I’d make some presents for some people I appreciate here on tumblr. You could also say these are very very, very, very late Christmas gifts. The first one is for @readerinsertfanfiction​ who is not only an amazing writer and someone I admire, but also someone who wrote me a couple fantastic drabbles not long ago.

I know it’s February but I set this during spring time because I’m desperate for winter to be over before I break my ankle on ice while walking to work bc why not. I also kinda tried to give this a Not Quite Unrequited vibe while still making it it’s own thing, so hopefully you like it, Rif <3

Yugi took note of the way his brother was holding himself; arms crossed tight over his chest, eyes locked firmly on the ground, and lips pursed in a pout unlike any he had seen on Yami before. Yugi was struggling between wanting to laugh and actually feeling sympathy for his big brother.

Instead, the younger man put a comforting hand on Yami’s shoulder, “Hey, you don’t have to be so nervous! Just think of it like any other conversation, you guys have talked a million times before!”

He was glad to feel Yami’s muscles relax a little under his hand, though it only really served to make Yami start shifting his feet in a one-step dance of restlessness. Fidgeting was rare sign in Yami and Yugi fully started to appreciate how shot his nerves must be.

“But this isn’t just any other conversation, Aibou,” Yami muttered and if the sounds of nature in the park were any louder, Yugi might not have heard him. “I’ve practiced what I might say in my mind for over a week, yet I still feel no more prepared to say it face to face than I did two weeks ago.”

That made sense, Yami always did his best thinking on his feet. He was amazing at plans and strategies, but this wasn’t exactly the same as putting good card combinations in your Duel Monster’s deck.

Yugi felt his lips curl into a frown as he turned and peeked out from behind the line of trees they were conveniently settled behind. As always when the weekend weather was nice (and the gang had no plans to hang out) you were there, enjoying the outdoors as you worked on your tablet. Your usual bench was a bit isolated from the main part of the park, set off in the grass some ways away from the play ground and flat field others frolicked through. It was also surrounded by a spattering of trees, so a thick umbrella of leaves protected you from the sun, though your favorite hat did that job well enough. This was the third time Yami had passed through the park when you were here- only to powerwalk passed you without so much as a wave or awkward hello, despite his previous intentions of stealing some one-on-one time with you. 

Living up to the ‘ray of positivity’ title his friend’s bestowed upon him, Yugi quickly though of a solution to get Yami over there and under those trees with you. “Okay, new plan. What ever you’ve been practicing in your head- forget it, throw it out!”

Yami finally lifted his eyes from the uneven grass to blink at him, “What?”

Yugi grabbed his brother by the arm and started tugging, “You always come up with your best plans in the spur of the moment, so stop overthinking what you’re going to say and just go over there! It’ll come to you when you need it, I’m sure!” Yami’s eyes went wide as Yugi actually started (gently) shoving him in the direction of your spot. 

“Aibou, I-”

“No buts!”

“I didn’t say but!”

“Just get over there!”

Another shove with surprising strength behind it and Yami was stumbling out into the open. You hadn’t noticed, him being too far away and you too engrossed in your tablet. Yami stood frozen, like a cat caught climbing the curtains, until he let out a breath and stood straighter. That literal push was helpful, and just like other points in his life, Yami found strength in his brother’s encouragement. He could do this, it wasn’t like talking to you was anything new! It would be fine if he could forget the fact that this was the only time you two had spent alone...and push exactly why he was wanting to talk with you alone to the back of his mind.

Yami watched your bench for a moment, felt himself smile at how at peace you looked. When the breeze picked up and swept through the park, he saw the way it caught and lifted the strands of your hair. Your eyes closed against nature’s intrusion as you tucked some flowing strands behind your ear and Yami felt something warm and fluttering swell in his chest at the almost cinematic sight. That bubbly heat wasn’t new to him, he had actually grown quite accustomed to it the last few weeks. Warmth clawing up his neck and face when you smiled at him, head feeling light and stupid the few times he managed to get a laugh from you, how he wanted bury himself in the moments where you talked about your passions with that look in your eyes. All of these were signs even he couldn’t ignore. 

He had tried, gods had he tried, but he hadn’t managed it for long, he couldn’t. Couldn’t deny the way his eyes followed you like a smitten school boy, or how he scowled in disappointment (and perhaps a drop of jealousy) when he couldn’t snatch the seat next to you, nor how he longed for you to look back at him with similar feelings hidden in your gaze.

With another deep breath, Yami finally moved his feet in something other than nervous fidgeting. He could practically feel Yugi’s eyes on his back as he took strong and sure strides towards you. He passed a young couple on a walk as his mind worked through encouraging words. He tucked his hand in his pockets for a bit of security when he thought of how you would look up at him and greet him in your usually fashion. He took more calming breaths as even that mild imagery made his face heat up. He was closing in on you now, all he had to do was call out and wave and he would be one step closer to everything he had been planning and-

And without breaking stride Yami spun on his heel in a sharp U turn, stormed for a few hot-faced paces, and planted his butt firmly on a bench that was definitely not yours.

He was staring forcefully at the ground again, lips tight in annoyance, and fists clenched over his knees so tight the knuckles were already whitening. He knew he heard Yugi’s voice carried to him on the wind, but at the moment his mind was too busy scolding his love-struck cowardice.

Back in their hiding spot, Yugi huffed, wishing his beloved brother was in reach for a good shaking. “For the love of...”

Now, Yugi was not usually one for acting on impulse, but seeing his brother look so frustratingly hesitant made him act on the first plan that came to mind. Yami just needed a little push, that’s all.

Yugi ran out into the field, put his hands around his mouth like a megaphone, and in the best possible impersonation of his brother’s baritone he could muster, he yelled your name.

On the lonely bench, Yami’s heart sank when he heard a voice (trying to sound like his??) shout your name so loudly it carried across he park. His head snapped up in time to see Yugi retreating back to their previous hiding spot, darting out of sight- but not before the young man flashed him a thumbs up.

A few choice words to hurl at his brother ran through his mind, before Yami heard the voice that made a fresh wave of bubbly heat start in his chest.

“Yami? Is that you?”

Taking an almost audible gulp, Yami turned his head towards you sitting not far across the field. He prayed his dark skin would hide the blush he knew was scorching his face.

“Hello,” the tone was flat and awkward as he lifted his hand in an equally awkward gesture. 

You didn’t seem to mind, or maybe you did and were trying to spare him further embarrassment, because you nodded in greeting with a half smile. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“I was- I” Yami cleared his throat in a hurry, “I was just taking a walk.” Somehow through the haze of panic and mortification he managed to stand up and start walking towards you. Of course he noted how his legs felt like jelly and his stride was likely very odd looking as he closed the distance. “I see you’re enjoying the nice day,” he observed, scrambling for any start to a conversation.

You nodded, “Just until it gets too hot anyway, we won’t have many more cool day like this with summer getting closer.”

“Right. I’m sure Anzu will try to get us to go to the water park when it gets hot.”

When you huffed in bemused laughter he felt some of his tension ease, especially when you said, “Probably, so I’m definitely going to enjoy the spring days while I can. Hey, you want to sit down?”

He found his lips lifting in a smile as you scooted over a bit and patted the newly freed spot beside you. He took it, glad to give his jelly legs a rest, though they were getting better with every passing moment.

“What are you working on? If you don’t mind me asking.”

And just like that you two fell into easy conversation. It didn’t take long for Yami to forget that he was alone with you for the first time, in a nice private setting. Rather it felt like any other day: you and the rest of the gang coming over for an anime marathon, all of you going to the arcade, or playing Monster World at Ryou’s house. It was...simple. Well, almost, but it was getting easier with every word and sentence. 

Of course, he eventually realized that the words to tell you the deeper things in his heart weren’t coming, like Yugi thought they would. Yami wasn’t even able to conjure up the speech he had planned when he took a second to think about it.

Then again, maybe it just wasn’t the right time. Maybe this was all he needed for now. Some time between the two of you, one on one. Something simple, though no less special. Something to help ease him into the things he wanted to say someday.

Yes, this was more than enough right now. He could tell you those deeper feelings held in his heart another day, right now he was more than content to sit by your side and enjoy your smile, your voice, and your company.

[syinisuga]

Begin Again [MinYoongi]

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Word count : 5.2K

Genre : Fluff and Angst

Description : Friends to lovers, Long Distance relationship, Lovers to (?)

Summary : when you thought the friendship you once had with him died away after one silly mistake, and you thought you would never have again what you lost;

But it blossoms back unexpectedly stronger and is slowly growing to be something more beautiful than you ever had

"I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn, and end;

But on a Wednesday in a cafe i watched it Begin Again"

--------------------✨📖✨---------------------

It was the start of a new year and you weren't particularly happy about being moved up a few classes into an entirely new class with relatively new students you haven't personally met yet. You were still grateful for your good results in the past year to have you land in such a good class. In all honesty though, you did miss your friends from your old class, all of them being scattered in the back classes however changed your mind about being thankful that you're at least in a better one. The first few days of getting used to the classes went by rather slowly as you were listening to the introductions of the other students and teachers half mindedly, till around your 4th day into the classes that is.

You were randomly seated in the Chemistry lab by the teacher as she familiarised herself with the rest of the class. Not paying much attention you were spacing out, resting your chin on your palm, tapping away at your cheek.

" Um, hey there"

The voice from the stool next to you spoke. You turned your head to the direction of the voice, being met with warm brown eyes looking right at you. He had soft black hair, eyes slightly puffy as if he hadn't slept well the night before, lips curled up in a slight smile as he looked at you.

"Oh, hello"

you answered, trying not to sound overly shocked at the first human interaction you've had in this new class.

"I'm yoongi, what's your name?"

"I'm y/n, nice to meet you Yoongi"

"So what are your interests? What do you like to do y/n? Any hobbies?"

It definitely took you by surprise when this boy you've never really met before was suddenly making an interest to get to know you more. Something about him felt raw and not shy but in a good way.

"Well i really love listening to music and i do indulge in art as well. Spend most of my time listening to songs while drawing. Draw the mood of the song you know?"

"Damn, haha you sound kinda like me. Not tryna be cheesy or anything but i love listening to music too, I'm shit at drawing tho, i can barely draw a stickman"

Both of you exchanged a little chuckle at his open confession about himself. And even though it had only been a few minutes of words between the two of you, you felt at that moment that he wasn't like the other boys who popped up to talk to you first. This one genuinely seemed interested in you just to make a new friend.

-----------------------🤝------------------------

"Yo y/n you wanna ditch PE and hang out in the library? The new Resident Evil movie came out we can watch"

"You know what, yeah let's yeet"

You don't know how it went from spending lunch times together, to skipping the most boring subjects to hang out and hide. It'd been a few months since you started your new friendship with Yoongi, and by now you were known as the inseparable duo, funny enough both of you became the class representatives. Somehow you two got closer and closer each day, the more you talked the more you felt like you've known each other for years, yet some part of you knew that there was more to Yoongi than he was showing to you.

On a particularly slow day at your classes, you and Yoongi had pre planned to sneak out to hang out at your usual spot in the library. Sitting at the back of the library the both of you laughed at a joke Yoongi made about how almost the whole school shipped the both of you.

"You know y/n, I envy you"

"Oh well, I know I'm fabulous" you playfully said as you flipped your hair back, earning a little grunt and a harmless eye roll from Yoongi.

"It's not that you loonatic, i envy you...cause you have such a nice relationship with your family"

His sudden statement caught you slightly off guard but you gave him a look, clearly eager to know the reason behind his words. Flashing half a smile towards you he starts his story.

"Growing up for me was, well, it was an experience. I grew up under the care of foster parents who constantly reminded me that my parents gave me away cause i was a burden, all my life that's what i was told. Never had a father figure or mother figure to help shape my emotions? Guess that's why I don't show it if I'm sad or depressed, which is actually most of the time"

he looks down at his hands and chuckles softly.

"But you know something y/n? Being with you makes me feel like I could be myself, like I don't have to be afraid of being judged. And that's why I wanted you to know the truth but i understand if you don't wanna get involved or-"

You cut him off by placing your hand on his, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Yoongi, i want you to know that I'll always be here for you and you can talk to me about this anytime okay? You're my best friend now! And I'm hoping I'm yours too?" You ask in a more playful tone making yoongi giggle.

"Of course you are"

"Good! Cause i come in a package deal of crackhead and supportive as well as a no return contract"

"Sounds perfect to me bestie"

-----------------------😚------------------------

Over 2 years had passed and the whole highschool down to the teachers were sure the two of you were in a relationship, as everyone saw the two of you being practically stuck together almost all the time. Yoongi and your friendship became stronger than ever since that day he decided to open up to you. It became a regular thing where you'd confide in each other for emotional comfort as well as motivation and support. Not missing the fact that your level of crackhead together had become an all time high.

Your finals and exams blasted through and you had spent all your study weeks with Yoongi in the library. As sketchy as it was you and your best friend actually did sincere studying. And as it would, your hard work together paid off earning the both of you high marks in your finals. The two of you didn't miss to make a trademark crackhead scene at the receiving of the scroll ceremony when you accidentally tripped on your shoelace and Yoongi cracked up laughing and clapping before helping you up. The two of you celebrate with drinks and a lot of food that night and Yoongi paid for everything to make it up to you for laughing when you fell.

You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror before heading out to your highschool's hall. It was your graduation party but more importantly to you it was Yoongi's birthday. Coincidentally the two events had fallen on the same day, and what better opportunity than to get dressed up to party at your graduation ceremony together. It had been a heck of a ride these last two years, and you were going to make sure this last school event would be memorable.

Upon arriving you scan around the hall of students in search of the familiar face.

"Looking for me?"

He makes his presence behind you known by clearing his throat. You turn around to give your usual playful comment back but the words were caught in your throat as your gaze landed on your best friend. He was dressed smart, in a suit that looked like it was custom made to fit him, his hair in a side part and bangs neatly framing his face. You were so used to seeing him in his casual hoodies and ripped jeans that seeing him in formal wear made you choke on your words.

Too focused on getting your senses back in check, you don't notice how Yoongi's train of thought was stopped dead in its tracks as he watched you turn around to face him. He never pictured his crackhead of a best friend in something other than t-shirts and track pants. Seeing you in a dress that hugged your figure in all the right places and taking in the sight of you, with your makeup and hair all done to suit the dress you were wearing nearly made him pass out from how he was holding his breath to admire you.

Clearing the silence between the two of you, Yoongi speaks up first.

"Well well, you don't completely look like the satanic spawn of hot cheetos and depression today. You actually look pretty good"

Smirking a little smile you bite back at his comment.

"Well same to you too Mr. I'm a millennial emo teen. You actually look, presentable today"

The two of you exchanged a playful giggle and assumed your seats at your class tables as the ceremony went on.

You don't see the small glances Yoongi takes in your direction, the thoughts gushing through his mind about how you looked at the moment and cursing himself for not realising your features sooner. He admired the way you had chosen to dress up today, seeing the way you had styled your hair so your curls would frame your face, the way you had done your makeup in a more natural looking way that he thought suited you perfectly. Yoongi didn't remember when the unlabeled feelings for you came but the longer he looked at you the more he was starting to put a name to the feelings he had. So much so that he had completely spaced out in his thoughts of you like that he didn't realise you were speaking to him.

" -don't you think so Yoongi?"

"I'm sorry what did you say? The umm, the music is so loud"

"I saaaaiiddd it's beginning to get a little dull at this graduation ceremony, we need a little surprise, don't you think?"

"Surprise?? What kind of surprise?"

Flashing a smile his way you get up and walk towards the front of the hall where the ceremony host was finishing up their ending speech. Whispering into the host's ear, he gives you the microphone and you confidently stride to the front. But you accidentally go too close to the speaker and it lets out an unpleasant squee, making you move back and away a little. You look up and around finding your best friend's eyes looking back at you giggling at the scene that just occured.

"Well that's one way to get everyone's attention" you chuckle earning muffled chuckles and words from the hall.

"So firstly congrats to everyone on graduating y'all did it. But that's not why I'm up here right now. Today is a special day for someone, and since it's the last day we'll all be gathering I wanted to make this memorable for him. So everyone I would like to wish out here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIN YOONGI"

you started to sing happy birthday and the rest of the hall joined in singing with you.

In all this happening, Yoongi could only focus on you, the way you just boldly got up to sing out loud and wish him Happy Birthday in the most "you" way possible. So he didn't know if it was the moment or if it was his unlabeled feelings overflowing for you, that he got up and walked towards you as the song was ending. He couldn't tell what came over him at that moment but he knew for sure he wasn't going to stop what he was about to do next. Cupping your cheeks in his palms, he leaned in, pressing his soft lips to yours. Kissing you with deep feelings overtaking his mind. The moment his lips touched yours he knew what those unlabeled feelings were, it was Love.

You couldn't process fast enough that your best friend was striding towards you with a goal, a desire. And you surely didn't expect for him to suddenly kiss you. Registering the feeling of his lips on yours, your eyes closed on their own as if on automatic response. You sank into the feeling of his lips, and it was then you felt the spark that ignited your own unlabeled feelings for Yoongi. You had definitely asked yourself countless times before if what you were feeling for Yoongi was more than just friendship. On the countless nights he had cried on your shoulder or when you cried on his, on the many occasions where you were both always partners in crime, you would always glance at Yoongi and wonder what more could there be to the feelings between you.

As the both of you slowly pulled away from each other a roaring sound of cheers erupted as it seemed to be that the two of you were the last ones to know you two were actually in love with each other. Taking your hand in his, Yoongi and you ran out of the hall that night knowing well where the two of you stood from that moment on.

-----------------------❤️------------------------

"No babe I think you should definitely take the opportunity to study there, I know it's far but it'll be really good for you, plus it's something you really like! It'll take some time for you to get used to the new place but i know you'll fit right in. In fact i know your wack ass would stand out"

You giggled at his comment but you wholeheartedly took his motivation and advice. But the question and thoughts still lingered in your mind as you heard Yoongi chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"But Yoongi, this means we'd be in a long distance relationship, with you going off to study in the opposite direction and all. Even our breaks don't match Yoongi.. what'll we do" the worrying tone in your voice didn't go unnoticed by Yoongi as he answered you in a calm reassuring tone.

"It'll take some work, but i know we can get through this okay? We'll make it, we can make it. I love you" you smiled at Yoongi's voice uttering the sweet words of love as you felt yourself calm your thoughts.

"I love you too Yoongi. Well then, keep me company while i pack?"

"You bet"

It had been a few months since you started dating, and honestly it didn't feel any different from when the two of you were in your phase of friendship, everything was going relatively smooth apart from the little fights and misunderstandings you had now that you were a couple. Sometimes you sit to think to yourself if moving into a relationship with Yoongi was the best choice, it would feel as though sometimes he would act differently and not like he always would but you just shake of the thoughts. You just figured with all these future college studies and intakes coming about that he was just as stressed as you were. You assured yourself that the two of you would be alright and that you'll always have each other.

A few more months pass and the two of you have already started your college lives. Yoongi being in a campus almost 8 hours away from you with minimal transport for him to even go home let alone plan to meet you. It was going smoothly, settling into orientation and getting to know the layouts of the campus well, meeting new friends and truly taking in your next step in education. You and Yoongi would exchange day to day text messages about how orientation and the first days of classes went.

All well and good till Yoongi's texts became slower and less frequent, he would always say that he's busy with his friends there, or straight up not giving a response at all. You became more and more fearful at how this long distance thing was going to work out for the two of you.

28th Tuesday

[12:27am] hey Yoongi! I hope you had a great day, I miss you and hope you sleep well, love you!

[08:40am] Hey Babe, good morning! I'm in class now, wishing we could skip like old times haha, hope you have a great day! Text me soon

[6:48pm] Hey i just got back to my dorm after classes, it was super fun! How was your day??

[8:11pm] Yoongi?? Are you okay? Are you busy babe?

[8:24pm] I miss youuuuuuuu :(

[10:16pm] Yoongi :(

You tossed your phone to the side of your bed as you felt your tears well up, why was he suddenly avoiding you? Is he okay?? Did he get hurt? Your thoughts were spiraling, getting messier till you heard the familiar ping from your phone. You scurried to your phone to see Yoongi's name pop up on the screen. Your smile quickly faded, replaced by disappointment at his reply.

[10:43pm] Hey, was busy with friends today, going to bed now ttyl <3

You frowned and wouldn't let him go this time. The days of short texts to unreplied texts and this is how he replies now? In a fit of fury you call him.

"Hello?-"

"Yoongi what's wrong? You haven't been replying to my texts as usual are you okay??"

"Mmh I'm fine, just busy with classes and my new friends y/n"

"Well I can't accept that answer Yoongi, I'm busy with classes and friend's here too but I take the time so why can't you?"

"Hey it's not that big of a deal y/n, we're in new environments now and it'll take me some time to settle in"

"Yoongi surely you have at least 5 minutes a day to text me??"

"Yeah of course I do, I just texted you didn't i?"

"That short ass reply was what you call a text Yoongi? It really sounds like you're avoiding me"

"You know what y/n I don't have time for this right now I'm tired"

"No Yoongi, I haven't talked to you properly in days come on don't you miss me Yoongi?"

"To be honest I've been enjoying the new company here that's I haven't missed you much"

"What do you mean Yoongi? You don't think of me?"

"Not all the time no, i have other things to think about here y/n i have new responsibilities here I can't be thinking about you all the damn time, just be happy I texted you back"

"Are you threatening to not text me anymore Yoongi? Is that what you're saying? You don't wanna talk to me anymore?"

"Oh god for fucks sake y/n stop being so clingy alright? Just grow up a little!"

The sound of his voice in heightened frustration made you choke on your words, you silenced yourself as his words rang loud in your head.

"You know what y/n I don't think this will work out, I'm going to get even busier and this will just be in the way of it all"

"Yoongi…"

"I'm sorry y/n but clearly this distance is proving that we won't work out"

"Are you... breaking up with me Yoongi?.."

The pain in your voice and the soft shaky exhale doesn't go unnoticed by Yoongi. Yoongi takes a deep breath, realising he spoke too fast in frustration. As much as he did feel for you this distance was tearing you apart and Yoongi didn't want to believe it but it was the truth. He spoke softer this time giving his side of his explanation.

"Y/n, you've been nothing but amazing to me, but I realize that we were more compatible as friends, I mean think about it, we've had so many petty fights that we never had before we dated. Our growing college life will further hinder our relationship. I don't want to hurt you like this by not giving you the love and attention you deserve. I'll always love you y/n, just not as more than friends I suppose"

You couldn't believe what was happening right now, your world felt like it was crashing down on you hard and fast, you could feel the sharp stinging in your chest from how your heart was breaking the more reality hit you. Yoongi's words had reason to them, but you were still in a state of confusion. Why could you make time for Yoongi but he couldn't for you? Maybe it's because the two of you are pursuing different fields of studies? Maybe he really had better things to do? Yoongi didn't want to hurt your feelings by making you feel abandoned so he was in fact abandoning you? No? But he said he'll still love you?? Your head was spinning a bunch of thoughts ran through your head.

"Okay Yoongi...if that's what would be the best for us..then okay"

"Don't worry okay? We'll still text as usual, talk when we can okay? I won't let you go, you're still my best friend y/n"

You didn't know if his words would be comforting enough, but at that moment you took what you had and calmed your thoughts for now.

"Okay Yoongi.."

"Good, I have an early schedule tomorrow. I'll talk to you later okay? I'm going to bed now. Goodnight y/n"

"Good night Yoongi"

-----------------------💔------------------------

As it will, Yoongi and you slowly drifted apart. You would often see his social media updates about how he was actively participating in clubs, and how he had taken up new responsibilities, going to camps and hosting events at his institute and he definitely seemed to be doing well. You on the other hand fell more and more at war with your emotions, it didn't hinder your studies. Thankfully you could keep those two apart. But whenever it got a little too quiet you'd think of him, the days in highschool when you were inseparable. You missed his laugh, his endearing way of calling you the most heinous nicknames. You definitely missed his comforting arms, his words of encouragement when you were down, you wished nothing more that in this moment you were crying to him instead of because of him.

You couldn't believe that you were sitting here, broken and feeling alone by the guy that made his way into your life, and had now made his way out in the most painful way possible. You were left there clueless and confused. Did he do it for you? Was it the right thing? Did he really think of you? Why was this happening? What would have happened if you didn't date? Would things be different? Would your best friend have stayed? All these questions playing through your mind, countless nights you spent crying yourself to sleep. Thinking of how you felt almost betrayed, you cursed at yourself for sending texts to him that were only left on read or replied with a simple "I'm busy, text you later".

Slowly days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months as you hadn't spoken much to Yoongi. You became stone hearted from all that had happened and slowly you got back into yourself. You were more and more active in your college life and you were growing to be better at controlling your emotions. Sure some little things remind you of him now and then, but it was much easier by now to brush his thoughts off. As sadly as your situation was you learned to move with it and not let it consume you. Every now and then you'd see Yoongi piston updates on his progressively active life and you'd feel happy for him, you wondered if he ever felt the same for you when he saw your updates on how well you were doing.

----------------------🍃-------------------------

It had been a total of 4 years since everything happened, you were on a roll and you had graduated college. You had a few job applications pending and you were more stable with your life by now. All the questions you once had were stored in a box collection dust in the far corner of your mind.

It was a relaxing Saturday evening, you were in your apartment lounging on your bed. As you were chatting away with your friends a familiar ping aroused from your phone. The name that popped up on the screen made your heart heavy and you breathing shallow, a true ghost from your past…

"Yoongi 🥀"

Your screen read. Taking a deep breath you opened the chat.

[9:57pm] Hey y/n it's been a long time… are you free tonight? Can I call you?

You didn't know what exactly to think right now. Every cell in your brain telling you not to. That you shouldn't give into him again, and that you should just talk to him over text no matter what it was. But your heart was screaming for him, the familiar feeling of longing for him returning in a massive tsunami, washing over your thoughts. You took a deep breath to centre your thoughts and decided you'd listen to him and talk to him again.

[9:59pm] Hey Yoongi, yeah I'm free to talk.

As soon as the message was read by him, your phone rang. You took one more deep breath and answered the call.

"Hello y/n, how are you?"

You cursed in your head at how much you missed his voice, the way he spoke to you at this moment had a hint of the same longing you had for him.

"Hey..Yoongi, I'm good. How are you?"

"I've been good too.. congratulations on graduating"

"Thanks Yoongi, congratulations on graduating too.."

"Thanks…"

The silence that fell had you both reflecting on everything that happened and how fast it all went by. The box of questions in your mind burst out once again whereas Yoongi on the other hand was feeling guilt and hate towards himself for everything that he put you through. Little did you know that these last few months Yoongi was hit with the hard realisation that he had lost not only his best friend but the person he cared about the most. His family certainly did not improve and the one person who was there for him when he needed it, he had left broken hearted and abruptly once he found a new escape. Yoongi was slowly flooded with memories of you as he neared his own college graduation. He remembered your highschool graduation and how he felt for you there in that moment of time. He spent a few nights crying at the realisation that he had thought of what's best for you but didn't think of how you felt and how he had left things between the two of you.

"Why Yoongi…."

Was all you managed to say out loud before your emotions caved in. Understanding what you were asking he answered.

"I was so caught up in the new environment of growing up and moving on that I did what I thought was the best to not hurt you...but I didn't think far enough that doing so will indeed hurt you.. and I wasn't there for you like i was supposed to. It took a hard hit to my head to realise that I was wrong y/n… you were always there for me and stupidly I made this mistake… I thought i was thinking of the best for both of us, when in fact i was thinking of myself.. I was selfish and I realised that…so many things reminded me of you y/n, the clouds, the sun, the sight of roses, the smell of hot cheetos.."

You giggled a little at his last comment earning a little muffled one from Yoongi.

"I understand if you hate me for what I did to you y/n… and I don't know if it'll ever be the same between us again.. but I'm willing to try to bring back what we had... if you're willing to give me a chance…"

You exhaled softly before letting out everything that you've been feeling.

"I don't hate you Yoongi, I never could and I never will. You're everything to me Yoongi and I was just really hurt by what you did and how you ended things. So many thoughts went through my head and I won't even talk about how much you made me cry….you dipshit" the playful cursing nickname made Yoongi chuckle a little, slowly making him feel reassured at the directions of the conversation.

"I'm willing to give us a chance Yoongi..and you're right, I don't expect it to be the same as what we had, I just hate that I lost my best friend.."

"I know..i understand that..and I'm sorry..for everything"

"It's okay Yoongi, I'm sorry too… maybe I should've been more understanding…"

"Hey… do you.. wanna hang out Tomorrow night?"

"You wanna hang out?"

"Yeah, i wanna see you and catch up with you"

"Sure Yoongi that'd be nice"

"Great!! I'll meet you at the café by our old highschool?"

"Sure Yoongi, sounds great"

"Right then, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow Yoongi"

You could hear the smiles in each other's voices as you both bid goodnight and hung up the phone. You didn't know what it was exactly but you knew just from that phone call that everything was going to be alright. You felt like you breathed much easier now, your mind much lighter. Yoongi felt the same, he was smiling more now filled with the excitement of meeting you again tomorrow after years.

-----------------------✨------------------------

You made sure to check yourself out in the mirror a few more times before heading towards the café. You had chosen to wear a simple yet stylish outfit, your hair tied back in a low loose ponytail, your short hairs framing your face. You were nervous yet excited to be reunited with your best friend again. And as you approach the café, there he was. Standing outside the door of the café waiting for you. The now slightly more mature looking, dark fluffy haired man, wearing a long black coat was looking just as nervous and excited as he was looking down at his feet.

"I didn't know you needed glasses to see now"

your voice made him turn his head fast in your direction. The moment his gaze landed on you, it felt like highschool all over again. The way you looked standing there, just centimetres away from him. He took in your slightly matured face yet he told himself that you hadn't changed one bit.

"It's official, you're old Yoongi"

He chuckled and playfully scoffed at your comment.

"Well at least i don't dress like the satanic spawn of depression and hot cheetos"

"Sure thing Mr. I'm still a millennial emo teen"

The two of you laughed, and the world seemed to slow down. The feeling that nothing ever really changed between the two of you was knowing, however this time something felt entirely different. Both of you could feel it for sure. It was the feeling of a bond stronger than both friendship and love. You didn't know what the feeling was exactly, all that you knew was that you're never losing each other again. All this while you've been sitting there watching the feelings you had burn and crash in the worst way possible, but today right here at this café, right in front of your eyes you watched everything Begin Again.