#my thought process being something like
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How do you think our babies (Denmark, Norway and Sweden) looked during Kalmar times? I always imagine Denmark growing up a bit during it because it's kind of a pinnacle of power for him!
I already showed what Sweden would have looked like, but sure! I think your image of Den makes a lot of sense.
In my personal headcanons, I think Norway was practically bedridden at the beginning of the union since the plague hit him especially hard. Due to his poor health, he depended on other people to do even the most basic tasks, which must have driven him insane. His poor health, being stuck indoors (leading to a lack of contacts and opportunities) and basically the absence of freedom sealed his fate for the next centuries going forward. Maybe the few times he genuinely rebelled and ran away were especially dangerous due to his condition, but he must have had so much built-up frustration about many things at the time.
Sweden came and went as he pleased, running away a lot when he got frustrated or upset. Sweden's unwillingness to cooperate drove Denmark nuts, so they argued a lot. I feel like Den had genuinely good intentions, trying to make this union they were forced into work. But he was also more experienced than the rest of his family, having multiple alliances to take care of, so he ended up taking the leadership role in most situations. So I don't think Denmark getting upset about Norway and Sweden running around with growing pains and failing to see the bigger picture is completely unjustifiable...
There's just too much to get into, so this is briefly a general picture of how I see the union. They were all physically young, and thus immature and stupid, so it's not surprising at all that the union didn't really work out at any point.
#hws denmark#hws sweden#hws norway#headcanons#my art#feels stupid posting swe twice but eh#trying to make them more youthful than their modern counterparts was HARD#my thought process being something like#-> den trying to fit in with his european allies and their renaissance fashion#-> swe's gear being thrown together last minute from basic everyday work clothes before running away once again to god knows where#-> nor being clearly sick and weak but still trying to upkeep his status for his own sake
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Finally now that the comic is fully public on comicfury, I get to share it with all of you here, too <3
If you enjoyed, please consider supporting by buying a PDF of the comic on itch.io: https://tawnysoup.itch.io/home-in-the-woods
#I'd rather not clutter the caption so I'll ramble a little in the tags#HitW is short but special to me as it represents and encapsulates some hard life experiences I was going through at the time of its creatio#Ofc in a more metaphorical manner! but. I have been very much enjoying reading people's comments and speculation as its been posting#the interpretations are so meaningful and varied and i love that and really want to encourage anyone to reflect on what it means to them#for me making this comic was a way to process and move past trauma. i feel like it ends anti-climactically but i wanted to be true to#where i thought things were actually going in my life moreso than to veer towards impact. ultimately im glad i managed to finish it#and for it to finish going public right before the new year? maybe i can see this as shedding that old pain in time to become something new#so thank you for reading for supporting and for still being here. lets wake up to 2025 with wind in our sails#Home in the Woods#my art#my comics#original comic#cw guns#cw blood#cw body horror
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Leo learns something about himself 🏳️⚧️
Based roughly on this old post.
Bonus:
[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#trans leonardo#trans leo#rottmnt headcanons#turtle art tag#rise draxum#happy pride everyone~#if you’re wondering why there’s no backgrounds that’s because my files got messed up so just blankness in the bg sorry#but yeah!#this is forever and always my fav headcanon for Leo it makes too much sense to me#I wanted to make sure I got it done in time for pride haha#I don’t know if it’s obvious by the end but Draxum ran off because he was for once doing something nice for Leo#that being leading him somewhere else not in front of everyone so Leo can process the fact that he was born female in peace haha#(but he also just - wanted to avoid the ensuing awkward Talk as long as he could lol)#“how would Leo NOT know’’ he had an inkling but never thought much of it because he’s a teenage turtle mutant with no access to healthcare#also yeah that’s splinter’s hand at the end there I just KNOW he’d want those pics#also also - Leo here can technically be trans or even intersex in some way too#both is good#making this made me remember why I never do color#at least for comics#it just takes sooo long#but it was fun and worth it for my fave hc#this is like the first time I’ve drawn Draxum and man he’s kinda hard to draw#also their sizes are just 1 2 and 3 because Draxum had a simple system in place for sizing his subjects#(aka I was too lazy to think of anything else to put there)#also dunno if anyone noticed but look at Raph’s paper and look at his baby’s self’s photo
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the blocking of the alhaitham and kaveh reveal scene is so funny to me, because the scene shows alhaitham and kaveh getting closer to where candace, the traveller and paimon will be overhearing them but the framing of it is just so... ???
the only reason given for this is that candace overhears a 'private' conversation, and the whole time alhaitham and kaveh are shown talking, they are seen walking farther away from the main streets, to stand behind crates in order to have said private conversation
when describing all the instances of candace's visions, alhaitham says that it's common to see people having a private conversation in a secluded place, meaning that description aligns with what he and kaveh were doing, because, yeah!! It was!!! They were shown walking away from surrounding people to talk behind some crates, out of sight
And when candace and the traveller jump out to approach the potential suspects, it’s framed as them interrupting something, like the shot is so tight, kaveh is visually confused and alhaitham has to turn his head 180 degrees like an owl
to me this is so funny?? kaveh ran into alhaitham by chance in port ormos and they both started walking aimlessly to go to a more secluded place to talk, like they didn’t even have to think about it
when alhaitham goes to leave, he walks in the opposite direction, meaning that he was working but took to aimlessly wandering around with kaveh in order to talk about mehrak and listening to kaveh’s theories of it gaining consciousness, im thinking,,, fond
#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#5.1 spoilers#i cant believe hoyoverse just gave us a reaction screengrab of haikaveh being interrupted#i will process the blocking of alhaitham saying he’s on the clock and then walking further into the alley like bro couldnt care less#he needs his special yap time with the light of his life and hes valid for that#the mehrak haikaveh daughter is something that will process at some point!??!!?#IM SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM <333333#my brain is everywhere but i definitely have thoughts that i’ll get down at another time!! this was just my first impression <333
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Feeling real ridiculous for not having realized that Baron's "stark father" was the Nightmare King until now
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy spoilers#also#love cassandra's gender situation going on here tbh#hell of an episode. i am totally normal about it (they are in fact. not normal about it at all.)#am willing to explain my thought process here if need be#there is a slight temptation to write something about the possible relation between cassandra and baron now though#did cassandra know that was where baron was like she could always summon kalina?#the creator and creation (the thing you made at your worst)#father and son (you can barely sustain yourself. let alone others)#you were once a god and then you weren't and you made this being and now you are a god again and it still exists#hmmmm#hm!#things to think. thoughts to ponder.#sorry i keep adding tags. i keep having Thoughts
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one of the things that I found particularly interesting in Demigods of Olympus is that it finally gives the best direct comparison we've seen so far between Percy and another character's experiences in terms of academics and particularly ableist discrimination.
The way Zane describes his experiences and what we see in his POV is that, while he is similarly discriminated against for his "atypical" behavior and blame is placed on him, the only sorts of punishments he receives for this are relatively benign, such as an increase in counseling. (It is also notable that Zane is somewhat autistic-coded, such as having the "incorrect" scripts when speaking with adults and Sam explicitly reminding him to remember to make proper eye contact.) Percy, on the other hand, similarly experiences discrimination for "atypical" behavior, but whereas Zane is treated as "too smart for his own good" and given slaps on the wrist, Percy is automatically labeled as aggressive, destructive, and a trouble-maker based on preconceived assumptions about him and is more severely punished, such as being frequently expelled.
We rarely get this level of direct comparison between Percy's experiences and that of another character, particularly such similar experiences, so looking at the differences is really interesting to gauge what their different experiences with ableist discrimination is like - and how it could potentially tie into intersectionality and other forms of discrimination at play for them.
For instance, Zane's parents are generally heavily implied to be middle-class and/or generally financially secure, versus Percy who grew up poor, so it could be classism in combination with ableist discrimination. Alternatively, it could be intersectionality with racial discrimination, as neurodivergent behavior in people of color is significantly more likely to be punished more severely and labeled as aggressive or disruptive behavior due to racist preconceptions - particularly since we know Percy's experiences with ableist discrimination are also somewhat based on assumptions people make regarding his appearance. Both Zane and Percy are racially ambiguous - Zane's appearance essentially being completely unspecified, but Percy at least having some notable details such as having a deep tan complexion. If not racism, it could also be colorism, which in this context often has similar intersectionality. There's a lot of potential options.
It's just very interesting to me! I love having such a direct point of comparison to examine the experiences of two characters within.
#pjo#demigods of olympus#riordanverse#percy jackson#zane carver#analysis#disability#adhd#one of my biggest gripes with analysis that i see often in the fandom is people erasing Percy's experiences with ableism#particularly academically and instead electing to frame his experiences as ''only possibly being from [x] - there's no other explanation''#which is really sad to me because it just highlights how little people understand what ableism and ableist discrimination look like#and simply seem unable to process our experiences and stories meant to reflect our experiences#so having another frame of reference to compare Percy's experiences against is REALLY nice and particularly fun for me personally#because it gives an opportunity to highlight both the general disabled experiences Percy faces due to his adhd/dyslexia#but also how that potentially ties in to intersectionality with other demographics he's a part of or may be a part of#because now we have a point of comparison between how two disabled characters are experiencing similar discrimination for the same thing#but there *are* differences between them in specific ways that potentially indicate something occurring in addition to just ableism#which is fascinating! and allows those discussions in the context of intersectionality WITHOUT erasing disabled experiences! yippee!!!#anyways this is mostly off the noggin since ive just been rotating the thought for a couple of days#chewing on this chewing on it chewing on it
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the way patrick talks about the way pete thinks is so beautiful
#i love when pete is there to hear him say those things too#bc pete just watches him like 🥺 as patrick waxes poetry about pete’s brain and thought processes and visions#contrast that with how harshly pete talks about his own brain.#patrick ‘he has these huge ideas and his words are like christmas morning and i hear music in my head when i read them’#vs pete ‘i think i ate too many paint chips. my brain doesnt really work right.’#something something lotro being about finding someone whose glitches align with yours perfectly#anyway. peterick forever
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isat’s “what should we do with dead bodies” conversation is so so catastrophic to me- and a little horrifying. there’s a range of knowing how you want to die, with Mirabelle knowing the exact religious way she would prefer to be honored, Odile giving her options & preferences that mainly align with Ka Bue’s ideals, and Isabeau not having much thought beyond the general way Vaugaurde does it. They all have thought about it, and know their options well enough that they have some sort of favor or acceptance of the way their body is handled.
And then there is Siffrin, who doesn’t have this luxury at all in multiple senses. They don’t get to know their options beyond the ones from cultures that aren’t their own, the closest we get to see being “throw my ashes into the sky” which, while definitely symbolic & feels fitting for the country’s connection to the sky above, isn’t solid enough to be coined as what the Country actually does (and still, siffrin wouldn’t personally know that death is handled that way back home). He doesn’t get to die, either, and ever be mourned for. They never see how the party responds to their death in the loops, and seeing as they assumed they would just go back to traveling alone like before at the end of the journey, possibly thought they would die alone or silently, completely unaware they would be missed.
post game as well, we never learn how people from the island honor their dead? the king never says anything about it, and it’s likely siffrin will never learn. the only difference is that, now, siffrin knows they will be missed, however they’re disposed of.
#I know this is like.. surface level observation. stating the obvious and whatnot#but it also is kinda terrifying to me?#being buried is scary- but it America it’s the default method many families use for their loved ones#the very last thing someone ever does to you being out of your hands is scary!#especially in this context where it’s cultural differences.#the country doesn’t seem to Have a method for disposing of bodies.#(that we know for certain!)#and this doesn’t really stop for siffrin either#lmk if I got anything wrong or overlooked something!#I don’t have the dialouge up while writing this… teehee.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#my thought process died a little by the end. sigh.
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(╥﹏╥)
#Some. Thoughts about the last chapter since yesterday I didn't put them down as I usually do.#I could preface this by narrating the odyssey that was my day yesterday but I suppose that wouldn't be very interesting lol.#It'll suffice to say I had to face a 11am-7pm long train travel while also sick. A lot of throwing up in train stations. Wasn't very pretty#So like the premise really wasn't the one of a good day#The chapter comes out around 4pm here so I calculated I was going to have a few more hours before the translation came out.#I open the translators account to check if they've got any prevision on the time the chapter is going to come out and IT IS ALREADY#At that point I was in a station cafe waiting for a change drinking tea to help with nausea. And ***THAT*** HAPPENED#Screaming in my cafe table I'm telling you. Silently screaming for real. Desperately showing the phone screen to my sister.#Wait I didn't mean to tell all of that. Anyways#Well. Great chapter (╥﹏╥)👍 Really one of those you already know will make history it was so good to read. Such an already iconic scene.#Insane insane insane. I don't think I need to comment further on the ss/kk but regarding the rest...#(Let me comment on the ss/kk again actually. That was incredible. I'm still not over it seriously peoples. Can't believe it's true.#What the hell. I love this little gay story so much. Ss/kk love each other so much it's?? Insane???? What the hell. I'm so glad for ss/kk)#Literally didn't process anything past the title. Like I wouldn't have been able to compute anything normal let alone something like–#4th dimension talk lmao. Everything I got from it is like there's Dazai?? Saying words?? And it's the Dazai in Atsushi's head I think????#The only other thing I got away from it is that Atsushi is finally getting agency???? To which‚ freaking finally‚ if you know me you know–#I've been rooting for that direction forever. I'm not sure about it yet (like isn't the Dazai in Atsushi's head still giving him all the–#answers?) but that's definitely the direction I'm rooting for#Then again for Atsushi to sacrifice himself for Akutagawa WAS his initiative and his alone. And I'm forever cherishing that 🥺🥺🙏🙏🙏#Reading the chapter again now... I have a feeling that the fourth dimension is something of a subtle nod to the fourth wall in literature.#All the people living in that universe (the bsd universe) are–#“three-dimensional humans [who] can't properly perceive” the “fourth dimensional space” because they're all characters of a book–#who aren't aware of being characters. So they lack fourth wall/dimension perception#The ending of the chapter feels quite abrupt. It's a little curious. Gives the impression that the author was running out of pages#Anyways reading Dazai's apparently nonsensical words out loud to my sister was very funny#“Feel strongly // That's what you do when you want to experience the past” is a cool line tho. I really feel Asagiri that time they said:#“I want to create famous lines. I love storing exciting lines in my brain. I love it so much that sometimes I even recite them in the bath.#I try to be conscious of making my lines stand out. I like lines that flow like a melody or harmony.#Lines that shock the reader‚ stand out‚ and are inserted at the right time.”#Ran out of tags but I'm noisy so making another addition
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when i totally inevitably get around to actually writing that coffee shop au i brought up in uhhhhhhh 2020(??) this is definitely the kinda Ivy design vibe she'll have <3


#that outline is from like 2020 / early 2021 so definitely very early on my consuming content abt them SKDNSKKS#they make my brain go brrrr#poison ivy#pamela isley#harlivy#harley quinn#harleen quinzel#dc comics#i havent touched that outline like writing wise in years i just wanted to share that i did actually write something for it skdjkskss#and by something i mean like 7 thousand words#im pretty sure my thought process with the news reports and stuff is that j0ker is a (violent) loser trying to get batmans attention#like he exists and so does a lot of the other rogues including ivy at one point#and like jack is trying to join that gallery but hes just gained the attention of the police & media atm and no batman#and i intended on this ending with Ivy's prior self being revealed and she kills him after he shoots up her house during a domestic dispute#so harley thinks shes dead and then she appears all god like and they kill that loser as he deserves ya know#standard ivy stuff#skdjsksks
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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hold on wait. wait. regime change between when show!armand leaves delhi, and when he's turned into a vampire. god. i'm thinking about his speech to madeleine, his "what will you do when there is nothing left of your era?". if he tried to visit the village he came from during his time with marius, he will likely have witnessed exactly that. within his mortal life. armand believes he is uniquely suited to endure immortal life, to adapt and survive no matter what. he might have seen the fall of the lodi dynasty while he was in his 20s; maybe that's why. but god. how devastating. his village might even have been destroyed in the fall of the lodi dynasty. what do you do if you are taken from your home and when you finally have the freedom and strength to return to it, it is unrecognisable to you. fuck.
#armandposting#asterisk asterisk asterisk. i have never studied the delhi sultanates this is just from reading wikipedia.#also as with all regime changes on the scale of something like the lodi dynasty. random village people probably dont care unless theyre#being killed in the process#historians are always arguing about how much continuity there is when X regime falls to give way to Y dynasty#i cant remove that line of thinking from my head. perhaps the lodi dynasty falls and armand's home village is unaffected. HOWEVER!#tis interesting to think about. additional ten years spent by show!armand in the palazzo you will always be famous to me.#iwtv#iwtv amc#thunder rambles#releasing this from the drafts cuz i thought about it again#with them changing the timeline so louis' time in new orleans is set during the upheaval of the early 20th century. AND changing#lestat's time in paris so that it takes place during the french revolution...... i feel like the change in armand's timeline may be#for the same reason (re: the emotional turmoil of the characters is reflected in the chaos of society that surrounds them#and may even feed into that turmoil)#idk though. of course armand is in venice when this is happening so maybe i need to look at whats happening there during the 1510s lolsies#still! worth thinking about
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Creature. (The rendered ones are referenced from manga panels)
#mediocre art#tokyo ghoul#On some level I think I should like Kaneki more than I do but there's this weird sense of detachment#I have not only from him but being able to perceive him as a character?#I don't even dislike him it's just that I can't feel any which way about him at all. He's a catalyst for events#feels more like the conch from Lord of the Flies or something rather than a fictional person.#He doesn't suffer and learn from the consequences#he just suffers and does what got him there again. It's arguable that the lack of punishment denies him the satisfaction#but if that's the case why does he end the story with everything working out perfectly for him?#Why do his friends oblige his flaws and accept his lack of change?#Is the problem my lack of understanding or his lack of good writing?#Is he well written?#Why do I like a certain character from a different anime who's a very similar person with very similar dynamics#but with a goal and acceptance by himself and those around him that his actions really are reprehensible and cannot truly be atoned for#not only more but to the point that he's actually one of my favorites?#Am I just sitting upon a throne of entitlement#because his thought process and experiences are not catered to be applicable to and understood by myself?#GOD IF I KNOW ANYMORE#I'm not pressuring myself to like him or anything I just don't understand anything about kaneki these days and I don't know why
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Can you talk more about how you decided to convert through conservative judaism over reform and what the process was like for you? I've been going to a reform shul for a while, to the point where I know everyone who regularly comes and I also love our rabbi. It almost feels like a second home, but I realized recently that I think I agree more with Conservative views on halacha and would prefer converting through that stream, but I also don't wanna leave all the nice people I've met so far, and also the nearest conservative shul is over an hour drive away :( I thought I'd just convert through reform anyways but maybe talk about keeping a conservative level of observance for my conversion, but I feel like it would be dishonest to convert reform if I don't agree with their fundamental views on halacha and such. It's hard thinking about leaving the community I love, but I also feel that I'd get more of what I personally want out of Judaism from a conservative conversion. Would really love some advice on navigating this if you're willing!!
I'll preface this by saying that this is included in my FAQ, so if you want to check that out, you might get more information that I might have forgotten to include here.
What I fundamentally believe people should do in the conversion process is to do what is accessible to them. If reform is accessible to you, I don't see why you would have to upend yourself and leave behind your pre-established community.
To me, movement means very little. If you've converted halachically (which reform absolutely can do and does), you've converted. You can be a reform jew who follows or believes in a myriad of things - I doubt a rabbi is going to say, "now, I want to convert you, but you don't believe only in the Reform Positions, so it looks like you can't be converted." If anything, a rabbi would be thrilled to hear what your positions are and why. It reminds me of my ITJ class where the presenting rabbi asked if we believed in g-d or not. She literally balked about how none of us voted "no." She was amazed.
I only decided to convert through the conservative movement because it was the most accessible to me. Nothing about the conversion process changed because I chose conservative - I'm still working with a rabbi, I'm still engaged with my community, and I will stand before a beit din and immerse in the mikvah. If I could let you in on a secret... If movement didn't matter to others, I wouldn't even put which movement I'm affiliated with on this blog.One of the most important things in jewish conversion and jewish life in general is having a community. It sounds like you've found that - it isn't dishonest to be in community and to just be yourself (yes, even if you disagree with some aspects of different practices - two jews, three opinions, anyone?). Plenty of people in my conservative shul are more frum than others, and some are less frum. Even within your own movement, your practices will look wildly different than other jews of the same movement. In actuality, we're all starting from more or less the same starting point which is judaism. You have a lifetime to explore the mitzvot and see how you will practice. Nothing about that is inherently dishonest or disingenuous.
#ask#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#convert FAQs#long post#i see it as converting it *judaism* and not 'conservative judaism'#so i may or may not be the right person to ask this depending on what you need#but part of the conversion process is being in community and naturalizing yourself into jewish life#if you have a community already... i don't see how much would change if you switched that up suddenly you know?#why fix something that isn't broken? ESPECIALLY if you feel at home. isn't that the single-BEST environment to integrate into judaism with?#when you feel at home you are able to actually *learn* and develop and figure out what judaism looks like and *feels* like#i don't want to dictate to you what you should do of course - these are just all of my thoughts#i have very little movement loyalty - if there was a shul i liked that was reform or orthodox or hell even renewal i would just go there!#i practice mitzvot that is accessible to be - not what is expected from someone 'of my movement'#that doesn't seem like it would encourage *my personal* connection to judaism
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I was reading back through caged lungs and I realized just how many times Donnie got hit in the head during the last fight and how hard, no wonder Leo is concerned about brain damage.
Also, when Donnie goes to see April at the end of chapter 2, is he just dissociating really hard or is that an actual physical symptom from the…everything really!
not to mention the oxygen deprivation with raph throttling him! the last fight is so visceral and nasty and it was the final nail in the coffin when it came to donnie's issues physically and mentally, because although he would have been terrified of them regardless i dont think it wouldve been "inconsolable screaming heap at the sound of raph's voice" like it was in the early bit of CW.
and id mark that as dissociation personally. the second he registered as being in relative safety he kind of shut down because he wasn't able to process it, which had kind of been a running coping mechanism through the last month or so of CL. MIND YOU: IT IS NOT HELPED ALONG BY THE BRAIN FOG CAUSED BY HIS TIME IN ISOLATION, its a nasty concoction of problems. and also yeah physical exhaustion definitely doesnt help! he ran all the way to april's apartment while actively starving, after all.
although itll get better after [REDACTED PLOT THREAD] is handled, i think dissociation is gonna be something donnie will be dealing with for years, because spending four days in a quiet, enclosed dark space has some extremely messed up consequences for your brain and body. it was also in general something he used to cope under the abuse, so i could see him having issues with it when he's not in his right mind (sick or sleep-deprived, for example), i could see him regressing back to that old mindset when something like that happens. his perception of reality is permanently a little fucked :(
#ask#canary continuity#theres a lot of factors you have to put together for donnie's behavior right now#he's been so stressed that he's been running a low grade fever#the consequences of being in solitary are still taking a toll on him#his brain automatically shuts down as a coping mechanism when triggered#and he's absolutely dealing with both ptsd (notably about the closet the final fight and mikey attacking him in the kitchen)#AND cptsd. he definitely has cptsd. this is for absolute certain cptsd#+ he's still on some strong painkillers which are distorting his perception of reality#the source of the nosebleeds could very well be stress to be optimistic. but. well =) who's to say#everythings horrible but donnie is STILL too overwhelmed to process#its going to hit him very soon and its not gonna be pretty!#also despite his developed claustrophobia ive been haunted by the mental image of him waking up sick and immediately trying to hide-#-under his bed like a YEAR after all of this and Ouurgghhh#one of them comes looking for him when he doesnt leave his room and he just claps his hands over his mouth when he hears their footsteps#and his mind is just an endless mantra of “hes going to find me hes going to find me hes going to find me”#he doesnt know what he's so scared of. he just knows that something bad is going to happen and he needs to stay quiet#(remember when leo dragged him out of the laundry room? that left scars)#just thought i should share that cause it wouldnt leave my brain <3
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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