#my therapist suffered with that one | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lover-of-mine · 2 months ago

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Hi, I'm sorry in advance if I'm crossing a line here. But I just wanted to know, is there a reason why the replies for your posts are blocked? Most times I wanted to leave comments on your swat posts and I just couldn't

To make a very long and complicated story short, there was this one person who I kept trying to block everywhere on the internet who kept taking advantage of the way all you have to do is create another blog to go around the Tumblr block to talk me, so I kinda blocked this blog all around to try and minimize the chances of them doing something, and while they haven't tried to contact me in a while, I don't feel comfortable opening up the possibility they might show up. Imma be honest, it was hard for me to even open anon asks for a while there. I know it sucks that everything is closed, but the idea they might try to talk to me again is beyond uncomfortable for me, so I can't make myself change those settings.

#i was legit worried for my safety for a while there #and its hard to turn off #it's not just me being annoying #this person legit had me looking up stalking laws and documenting shit because they seriously scared me #and i still don't fully trust the fact that they gave up so things are staying closed #my therapist suffered with that one #anyway this is already more than im comfortable talking about #basically it was irl issues #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

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ash-and-starlight · 2 years ago

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my “if something bad happened to them i’d kill everyone in the room and then myself” gang from the masquerade series (…..yeah i’m still in denial over [redacted] shut up)

#id in alt text #alternatively: baru and some of the ppl whose lives she fucked up 🤪#alternatively (2): mentally unstable blorbini from my books <3 #seth dickinson i’m in your walls #myken i’m Also in your walls i’m going to send u the therapist bill since you’re the one who convinced me to suffer so much 😤#i want to be clear that something bad happens to these characters Constantly #lgbt stands for laundering grifting bankruptcy taxes #aminata #iraji #tau-indi bosoka #tain hu #baru cormorant #svirakir #the traitor baru cormorant #the monster baru cormorant #the tyrant baru cormorant #the masquerade #my art

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albino-parakeet · 7 months ago

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“You okay Darius?”

This is the scene I was talking about in my previous post btw. A good chunk of JP fans I’ve seen think of it as really silly.

Music used in the BG: Jurassic Park 3 Soundtrack: Plane Ride/Alan’s Nightmare. At around the 1:30 mark

Transcript undercut

Transcript:

[Darius relaxing in the passenger seat of Ben’s van. Large footsteps approach causing the Dino ornament on the rear view mirror to bounce. Darius looks in the rear view mirror to see a glimpse of something]

[Darius turns to the driver side to see he’s alone]

Darius: Ben?!

[The footsteps stop and a shadow falls on the passenger window. Darius turns round in his seat and is met with an Allosaurus]

Allosaurus, in Brooklynn’s voice: Darius.

[Darius is frozen as the van disappears from under him, leaving him on the ground. Defenseless]

Allosaurus, still in Brooklynn’s voice: You said you’d be here.

[Darius unable to speak, sits in terror at the theropod circling him. Until the Allosaurus roars, mixed with Brooklynn’s screams, lunging at him. Darius throws his hands up in a useless effort to protect himself.]

Unknown Voice: Darius!

[Darius is shaken away by Ben, who is keeping his eyes on the road while driving. The grip on his shoulder is firm and almost painful, but grounds him from his night terror.]

Ben: You good, bud? You were having a bad dream.

[The screen changes to black with text meant to be read as Darius]

Darius, off screen: Yea… I’ll be fine.

#chaos theory #jurassic world chaos theory #chaos theory spoilers #jurassic world chaos theory spoilers #jwct spoilers #Other artists: *drawing sad grieving Darius and the other camp fam*#Me making this: I’m about to be hilarious #Darius my beloved son. You are so traumatized. Where’s your therapist?#I had to trace the allosaurus skull I drew for my Yoshiki drawing for one of the frames lol #I loved JP3 as a kid. So of course I had thought of a dream scene for Darius. Like he hasn’t suffered enough already #I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MEAN THIS WAS UNTIL I GOT THE AUDIO PART. WTF AM I TRYING MAKE MYSELF CRY????#INFLICTING DAMAGE ON MYSELF PSYCHOLOGICALLY WITH THIS DAMN.#AL’s scribblings of Nublar

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 4 months ago

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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it

Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.

#there's a variety of reasons for this #part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life #part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters #for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet #and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes #and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with #bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General #and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha #and part of it is just because like #unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly #i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis #like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character #and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically #that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means #all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend #but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis #because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology #so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis #even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person #whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that #eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care #at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it #it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism #& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD #or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway #or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit

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connanro · 7 months ago

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batman: the knight #1

#bruce wayne #batman #batfam #dc #con reads comics #conpost #“I'm angry that we let people suffer.”#now THAT's the bruce wayne i know and love #anyway apologies to mr zdarsky but i dont accept that bruce saw any therapist past the age of ten #it is my firmly held belief that alfred made him see one at that age but then he bit the therapist and was blacklisted for life #edit: i finished reading the issue and this criticism is no longer valid lmao

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gxlden-angels · 11 months ago

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My therapist and I have determined I have what I'm gonna call James Brain

It's basically a moral OCD subsection where it feels like every "bad" action is just as bad as any other "bad" action. Something like snapping when you're hangry feels like it's the same as robbing that person at gunpoint. It's based on the verse that's usually interpreted as all sins being equal:

"For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." James 2:10

#If you or a loved one is suffering from James Brain you may be entitled to financial compensation #Basically have a compulsive need to self correct #I no longer have to repent but my brain still wants SOMETHING to fill that void so now it's self correction #so it's a weird moral compulsion to make sure I perfect myself after a situation with a negative reaction from me or others #my therapist is helping me learn to pick and choose what's important and what's not #cause not everything matters all that much and I can say that #but I can't *believe* it enough yet to implement it #I'm slowly but surely getting there #I've even started playing fortnite more #also I'm stuck at walmart waiting for a scooter pain and agony on planet earth #ex christian #religious trauma

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adelle-ein · 4 months ago

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honestly even after all these years i don't think i've fully accepted that i'm severely mentally ill and that heavily affects every aspect of my life

like why do i spend so much time worrying about if i'm "disabled enough" when i objectively, literally, cannot function and need massive amounts of medical and therapeutic intervention just to like, stay alive. put aside all the physical health stuff and i'm still REALLY sick

#my cousin doesn't want kids bc of our horrifying family mental health history #and they don't even have my mom's side's shit (just as bad)#every kid in my generation got blasted with something and i'm the worst of all #not saying that as like They Don't Understand My Suffering but like. i'm the one who can't overcome it at all #my therapists are fascinated by how severe my ocd is #and that one doesn't even have family history! unlike the depression/other anxiety disorders which. lol #(and adhd but i actually do think that one missed me phew)#txt #lacevent

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slutdge · 10 months ago

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somehow while ive been going through the unbearable torment nexus ive still been able to keep up with my album-a-day-for-a-year thing so far

#like yeah brother i wish i was dead right now but im not. somehow i havent killed myself so i keep checking out albums #but i dont wanna undermine that im in unbearable pain rn lmao #my therapist said that wasnt good for me to pretend #im very much still in a torturous life and i feel helpless cause i dont think i can ever escape #but at least ive had the motivation to keep up one thing yknow #or im just crazy and psychotic and this made no sense whatever im going back to my suffering hibernation now #at the very least being honest cant hurt even if it doesnt help all that much but im really at the lowest ive ever been my dudes #ive never been lower than this #im failing at all the aspirations of a healthy person but at least im keeping up on the album thing #i know that maybe doesnt seem significant to other people #but when the only thing i can do when i get off work so i dont die of starvation is get in bed #but i still make an effort to hold myself to this commitment #thats at least a tiny bit of light im trying to put in my life no matter how hard i just wanna lay down and die all the time

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brinnanza · 3 months ago

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sometimes i like to research the treatment protocols for my various Issues and Problems and it is always very gratifying to find psychiatrists recommend something I am already doing today's rabbit hole was alexithymia because it's very much a the top fell off of the sprinkles container and now my bowl is all sprinkles at the autism sundae bar and it turns out the thing they're doing for that is basically just thinking about how you feel about stuff and practicing untangling it so you can do it faster on the fly and lo and behold that is precisely what my weed fueled self therapy sessions have been about lately

#practicing asking myself if this is really what I want to be doing #sometimes I do wanna be scrolling tumblr! but sometimes I just need to make a decision #I feel like I've had the opportunity to like. slow down and think since yknow the world ended #and like maybe it's self centered of me but like idk I'm trying to be kind to myself #God it just feels so selfish and entitled when people have Real Problems #(me I'm people it is not lost on me that I did sex work cause I couldn't get a job like #as far as markers of poverty go that certainly Is One)#anyway the point is I'm unventing therapy so I don't have to suffer the wretched process of finding a therapist #and then talking out loud #God it's hard enough to conceptualize my thoughts speaking them with my mouth is a Trial #brinn's marble run

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first-blight · 2 months ago

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[guy who's scared of everything voice] dang why am i scared of this lol. just do it, man, what's the big deal lol [<- shaking like a chihuahua]

#the most recent therapist i contacted got back to me! i feel like maybe the other one missed my email or mistyped my email address #bc it's a rly weird obscure provider #anyway they say it's a waiting list of 1.5 years.....#and that a first appointment to see if it's a fit etc. makes sense which yes thats what i emailed you about #but now i'm shaking in my boots and chickening out i've never come this far #but also!!!! i've never come this far!!!!!!!!!#i can't back out now i really shouldn't!!!!!!!!#guy whos scared of everything: why am i scared of seeking out help for my scared of everything disorder. crazy #cas.txt #(it's because i'm like. what if i'm not convincing enough in my suffering and transness. totally normal thoughts to have)

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mollyrolls · 2 months ago

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i genuinely have done something to royally piss off the universe i am so sorrry i want to repent for my sins please

#the INSTANT i feel inspired to write #BOOM #2 EXAMS NEXT WEEK #ONE LAB REPORT #FINAL PAINTING DUE FRIDAY #THERAPIST CANCELLED ON ME #this isn’t even a comedy of errors like i am being punished #masterpiece i am so sorry you are suffering by my stupidity #hey cupid you are never going to get your finale #I DONT EVEN HAVE TIME TO ACROLL TUMBLR LIKE THE NEWS ANYMORE #SAVEEEEE MEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#off my rocker

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ilkkawhat · 2 months ago

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I don't know about you, but it is really hard picturing myself getting into a romantic relationship at the moment when it is not considered normal to talk for 9 hours straight about a horror game 😞. Also, how am I supposed to explain the fact that 95 % of the 500 + pictures on my phone are of some Finnish man

exactly! sometimes i have the legit fear that my SO would like see one of my fav obsessions and be like "yah that's trash" but lol they better be ready for those long ass dissertations about horror games and a certain finnish man if they wanna date me for the foreseeable future 😂

#then again a...crush? maybe more? of mine had legit told me to my face #that she hated csi #that she didn't care about doctor who #but what did i do? continue to pine after her #even waited until she realized she was into women #only to have the heartbreaking realization that she wasn't into me like i was into her #even fuckin hung up on her one night #cause i've always been too afraid to ruin what was left of our friendship by admitting i was in love with her #though i hung up cause i was trying to be honest about how i was feeling about my life at the time and she was like 'go to therapy' which i #either i've had some shit therapists or it just doesn't work for me #i'm turly drunk if i'm overhsaring like this lol i'm sorry #she has far worse problems than i do so i like #suffered the broken heart for a long time and we still talk off and on but it's not like it used to be and it's my fault

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littlebabywille · 2 years ago

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thinking about this

#rewatched brokeback mountain last night #remember that one time my therapist said sometimes we enjoy suffering because it reminds us we’re alive #what is life if not joy and suffering!!#young royals #brokeback mountain

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daz4i · 3 months ago

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it's so annoying that like. i have so many mental issues and types of trauma that only a therapist who knew me for years might even be able to approach it. but in order to reach that state i need to start with a therapist who hasn't known me for years. and they're usually not equipped to deal with my shit to say the least, or if they would be then they might still chicken out too soon, or they'll approach it from the wrong direction etc. jesus fuck

#i DID used to go to the same therapist for years #but as you can guess. there is a reason that i no longer do #he did also suffer from the 'approach things from the wrong angle' thing i think #but i also was a pain. in his defense lol. no one deserves to suffer through handling me really #(also a reason why i'm not really looking for a therapist atp. i'd just feel guilty. yes ik it's their job but like. i'm a nightmare)#(idk how my psychiatrist handles me. but she only sees me once every 2 months so maybe that makes it easier lol)#man i really am rambling today huh. sorry. i should sleep #vent

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ozlices · 11 months ago

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my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.

and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc

and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.

and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.

bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.

/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!

i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.

i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.

im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.

and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.

i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#mine #vent #abuse mention//#i had to get all this out im literally so fucking pissed #i went to get food after starving all day bc my abuser was here #and my mom stood in the kitchen doorway and glared at me for almost a full minute #and when i snapped 'what' she cursed me out. bc. u know.#i fucking snapped hearing my abuser SCREAMING for two days straight.#oh but if /i/ have a meltdown where /i/ scream and throw a ~tantrum~?#then it's 'grow the fuck up. ur so immature'.#my sister is fucking 30 years old. and has NEVER fucking honed in her anger. EVER.#but IM the immature one here. not the 30 y/o with TWO CHILDREN WHO NEVER LEARNED TO CONTROL HER ANGER #im so done.#i literally bend over backwards being everyone's goddamn therapist #& then get told im a piece of shit when i too have human emotions & reactions to TRAUMA.#im done! im done. im done.#yall want a fucking apathetic snippy selfish piece of shit i always get framed as for being fucking burnt out after being brutalized #every goddamn day & losing everything in a year? fine. im done being a therapist for fucking free & suffering in silence alone #fuck this shit

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stellacadente · 4 months ago

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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get

#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering #bc i wasn't able to tell them #and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these #distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself #and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it #scares me #but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself #for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et #just every bad thing under the sun #but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn #it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little #but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe #whatever others lead me to believe #and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for #other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less #and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand #but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm #interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes #and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark #i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk #and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh #it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself #well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself #that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months #that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so #sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings #and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with #suicide tw #sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment

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