#but i also was a pain. in his defense lol. no one deserves to suffer through handling me really

[daz4i]

it's so annoying that like. i have so many mental issues and types of trauma that only a therapist who knew me for years might even be able to approach it. but in order to reach that state i need to start with a therapist who hasn't known me for years. and they're usually not equipped to deal with my shit to say the least, or if they would be then they might still chicken out too soon, or they'll approach it from the wrong direction etc. jesus fuck

[the-nysh]

I've had a realization that two things amaze me about Garou's character in manga. 1) how he gradually transformed from a char one wouldn't give a f about (if we forget about wc, only manga - to me, his char was really unappealing in the beginning, like sir u just spend ur time beating up heroes?? okok) into someone that many! readers really care about. How to explain it.. He was almost a nobody, a mere hooligan who didn't evoke any sympathy (at least in me))), but with every chap he became more versatile and boom! in ch81 I read comments like "I like him", "i don't want heroes to hurt him", "want him to survive" etc. And further.. I got a feeling that he's the main char of his story that we witness (he is). Such a twist to me - from nobody to protagonist (kinda).

And boy.. if only you knew who many people (in our universe so to say) care about you, support, admire you (idk if it makes sense lol) (but we know he wouldn't believe it anyway)

And 2) how much pain is actually stored inside him! I know that some people view him as dumb but man he's only 18, he seems to grow up without any emotional support, he had to figure out stuff on his own, no guidance, no idea how to deal with all the turmoil within, how to fit in, his mind is messed up by all this loneliness and.. He's literally a child who doesn't understand why he's in pain. He's come so far, gained so much strength and cockiness ahah but inside him there's only pain and confusion.

I continue to see a bunch of people who only want the manga to follow the wc, to see the evil and terror performed by this char,fight fight fight! but ohh he's much more than what people want to see in him

Sorry for my rant😳 I just needed to put together all these thoughts of mine and share them with someone, or - 🤯

Oho~ :'3c Well thank you for sharing your story! (If you're interested in mine, in how my perceptions of him changed over time, plus some bonus fav moments, then there you go~) Looks like your emotional turning point for him was around the the shed scene too (as it was for many manga readers including yours truly who began watching him with more invested interest), with the A/B hero gauntlet and his greatest test of character at that point - risking his life to both survive and admirably protect Tareo against such impossible odds, where his brand of 'justice' miraculously pulls through...(on towards ever more impressive, escalating heights~)

Looking back, he did say in his introduction how he was here to 'change the story' (and wow how meta that sentiment became!!) 8'D

And oooh how much he's needed that proper guidance, yes. (Bang unfortunately couldn't provide him with what he needed most then.) And an emotional support network he's always lacked (aaa how he's been lone and self-sufficient for so long...and yet, deep down he's still wanted to feel valued/loved/understood/SEEN by others in some way, when he'd always felt rejected or denied of that, cause even when he was a 'good' boy at his best and most authentic, his methods never worked without others still punishing him for it...) To help him process, heal, and constructively navigate all his turbulent emotional pain and internalized trauma/anger/confusion... Instead of focusing all his efforts (and channeling/compensating all his feelings) into gaining strength and the 'monster' persona as quite the elaborate defense mechanisms. :') (Which can also be read as a rebellious message/cry for help & proper attention he just hasn't comprehended yet...)

Til the poor guy's endured almost a lifetime of extreme pain/suffering within a single week of pushing himself to the brink. Hooboy;;; so many of his fans just want him to properly rest. ;o; (And at his young age, he still has much time to learn and figure things out.) That he deserves so much better than to be continually subjected/locked into such a cruel cycle of injustice (esp the ones beyond his control or even his own doing)....that seeing him somehow 'break free' or rise above that, upon his own honest (and true) self-realization and power one day, will feel so liberating and satisfying. :') I truly hope and wish for him the best on his struggling emotional journey to finally discover and accept himself. <3

[its-me-im-coraline]

Cry Baby // Ethan Torchio // Playist Fic

words // 1244

warnings // angst angst angst, mentions of struggling with mental illnesses but nothing graphic, but also fluffy caring Ethan

pairing // Ethan Torchio x GN!Reader

author's note // if you want to be on the tag list let me know. aghhhh this is the first fic on my little playlist thingy omg and i am excited although this is v angsty oops. If you don't know what this is supposed to be, i have a playlist tagged on my masterlist, you can send in a song from there or an entirely different one and I use that song, the lyrics and the feeling its music gives me to write a fic.

song is cry baby by the neighbourhood

also, maybe im projecting or maybe im affected by fallon carrington singing her wedding vows lol. also the photo of ethan here, sooooo cute

request // nope

summary // Reader has a hard time trusting people. When Ethan comes into their life it get’s worse. Reader is preparing for unavoided heartbreak but Ethan just might change their mind heart.

They were too stuck in their own thoughts for this relationship. Maybe it started at the wrong time or it was the perfect time but they had the wrong mind. They felt like a narcissist, making everything about them, while having a hard time hearing his side.

He was perfect, too perfect to ever be in this relationship, and maybe that thought scared them. Living around people who only cared about themselves, people who never cared how much they hurt Y/N, they were afraid to admit they might be doing the same to him.

They had not been together for long, only a few months, but the man acted as if he knew them forever. He did not care if they knew each other for a month or five, he was not willing to let them suffer alone. There were the two am panic attacks, calling Ethan at that time, waking him from his sleep, crying about the inability to calm their mind and sleep. He never complained. Or the days he spend at their house, Y/N having a hard time getting off bed, the depressive episodes hitting a little too hard; Ethan spend those days rubbing their back, making sure that they were alright.

Maybe that is what drove Y/N to be defensive, maybe their mind was alarmed by the man’s caring behavior -something so unfamiliar yet needed for them- that they felt defensive every time he was around. Maybe they spoke too much, and they thought the man would be scared away from them. “I’m not going away, Y/N, not for a long time, not at all if it’s on my hand,” he’d say after every fight, when Y/N would say yet another thing they did not mean. He was just too perfect.

“I really meant what I said that, Y/N,” he all but whispered to his lover. “I do love you.”

“Don’t say that, Ethan. How do you even know, it’s too soon!” Excuses, excuses, excuses and more excuses to plain and simple sabotage to themselves.

“You just know, when you know, amore, and I do.”

They could not look at his eyes anymore, afraid that with just one glance from the man their tears would fall, their guards would fall. And, if they let the guards fall even for a moment, it made them vulnerable to twice the heartbreak. So their eyes stayed glued to the floor, never leaving or daring to think about looking elsewhere. Every other place felt like a danger zone.

“You don’t have to say it back, amore, but you can not expect me not to.”

The fear never left, the fear that the young man was lying. He could not actually feel that way, could he?

Just as Y/N spiraled into yet another anxiety attack, there he was again with his soothing words and his soft touch on their face, his breath so close and so fresh hitting their face. “I’ve got you, it’s ok, follow my breath baby, come on, you are doing amazing, that’s it…” It did not take long for them to calm down a bit. Maybe it was the fact that a person finally respected their emotions rather than getting offended by them, but they felt safe even if only for a moment. “I’m here, I love you.”

It kept happening, over and over and over again. The man would profess his love but his love was not ready to believe him. It got him exhausted. He did not mind waiting for them to say the words back, he understood their past and their pain and how hard it is to vocalize something you feel. What he did mind was their active refusal to believe him, so it was the time to confront them.

“Hey, Y/N, do you have a moment?” If a single phrase could put their mind in a frenzy it was this one. The words could not form so they simply nodded their head, moving towards the sitting man.

“Look, Y/N, I-”

“If you are to break up with me just do it,” they said, the words leaving their mouth before even getting the chance to be filtered. They did not want to say that, hell they simply did not want Ethan to break up with them, but the fear was impossible to be hidden.

“What?! Amore, are you even listening to yourself?” He was exasperated. How could Y/N possibly think that, even now, after almost a year together. It hurt the man, it hurt him how much they refused to open up but it also hurt him that someone caused that fear to them before.

“I know what is happening, Ethan. I know I am hurting you with my inability to say those stupid words back. I’ve heard what you said to Victoria the other night -I did not mean to (!)-” “Hey, hey, let’s pause for a second there, amore. I’m not breaking up with you, that is not the problem. But, if you really heard what I said to Vic that night you would not be saying what you are,” he paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, holding his lover’s face between his palms, “I’ve told you countless times I love you, and I will never take that back. I know you do, too. You don’t say it but you show it, but my love, the issue is not the words. The issue is you don’t believe me.”

Y/N was left speechless, not knowing what to say to the man besides that he is right. They’ve been having a really hard time believing that they even slightly deserve this love, the love that the Italian drummer in question has given them more than enough of. He was so kind, so caring, so loving that the more the relationship progressed the harder they found it to believe in his words.

“You can’t possibly truly love me, Ethan,” Y/N said calmly, tears in their eyes, mostly from anger, anger targeted at their mind.

“Then why are you even with me, Y/N? Huh? If you don’t believe that why are we together for almost a year now?!” The high volume of his voice was a stark contrast to the soft and collected tone he usually had, but his emotions were starting to take over and it was utterly obvious at this point.

Y/N did not know what to do, being left speechless for the second time in less than two minutes. Their mind raced for an excuse, a reason as to why they kept being with him if they really did not believe him, until the answer came to them and it was like a lightbulb going off: “Because I know that I love you.”

It came out almost as a whisper, as if the words were trying to not be heard. It was a strain of their voice, a sudden sob accompanying the words that broke Ethan’s heart. His love, his sweet, sweet love, the person he could not stop yearning for no matter how close they were… they were hurt, afraid of being loved - or more so afraid of being lied to. Ethan pulled Y/N into his arms, hands rubbing comforting cycles, lips letting the sweetest of nothings to come out.

“It’s ok, it’s alright, I got you, I’m here, I’m holding you, I am not leaving, I love you.”

tag list: @bieberhoodforever @tabi-toast @ginny-lily @moriro-da-regina @the-killer-queenie @makapaka11

[r4zzled4zzletime]

saw john doe edit

had thought:

John saying "you broke my heart" to Harley and then possibly —depending on playthrough — hearing the same thing from Bruce is so powerful

Rant

Turned out to be a really long rant/hypothesis/short essay idk lol

Arguably, John realises that whatever he's had going on with Harley was incredibly off-balance — possibly even more than what he has with Bruce, depending on your feelings/playthrough — somewhere during the bridge scene. Maybe a bit before, but right there and then something hits him hard enough to say that to Harley.

John's emotions might seem to be all over the place from our (Bruce's/player's) point of view. However, that doesn't mean John doesn't know how he feels nor does it stop him from expressing his feelings if they're frustrating, confusing, or big enough. Case in point: John points out Bruce's distrust towards him after the Bat places a tracker on him. I assume this expression of disappointment isn't a one time thing, based on John's talk about Bruce's and his off-balanced relationship in the Fun House.

So, during the blockage of the bridge, something ticks John off (pun not intended). The question is: what? Harley's manoeuvres, thinking she has him wrapped around her finger? Bruce's trust, letting him speak with Harley? Memories of their time together? The realisation that they're standing opposite of each other instead of together? All of this and more?

If we assume that you play nice: Bruce still starts off the relationship by using John, but they do befriend each other nonetheless.

Disclaimer: I don't know whether what I'm about to say can take place in the game. Let's look at this hypothetically, like a story, a possibility.

So, you're friends, maybe a bit bumpy but friendly enough for John to face off Harley and tell her she's broken his heart.

What if, the shooting and distrust of the Agency afterwards, is enough for John to take the villain route? I think that especially the possibility of seeing Bruce choose to protect Waller instead of him, who was also at gunpoint, could trigger a 180 in John.

After this whole ordeal John runs off — well, let's himself fall into the water — with a heart in turmoil. I imagine him getting so incredibly frustrated with everything and everyone, including himself, that he just breaks. Like a snake, John sheds an old and useless skin and creates a new one: a strong one, a defensive one, an assertive one — Joker. Additionally, I believe that Joker could either go back to Harley — seeing they're pretty much on the same side again— like canonically in the game, or leave her due to resentment.

Let's say what comes next, would be pretty much the same as Telltale invisioned it; the games, hurting and threatening the city all happen, and at last, the rooftop scene.

Bruce, beaten up, shaken up by all he's learned of his friends, and honestly, above all, tired, runs after Joker — who he still sees as John.

Extra subject to rant about at a different moment: Bruce insisting Joker is the same John he knows, or at least, that he can get through Joker to John, is really sad.

Once he catches up with John, Bruce decides to yell: "You've broken my heart, John!" — the very same words John spoke to Harley, said by the person that was supposed to be her opposite. Being on the receiving end of something you said to someone that hurt you, must sting, a lot.

So Joker lashes out, to protect, but also to stop himself — John — from resurfacing and suffering.

Because it is unfair! It is unfair to hear that he's on the wrong side! For him to end up where people he wants to loath (note: assuming the Harley thing hit hard) are, opposite Bruce Batman ('Bruce' has too much emotional value, so Joker depersonalises him), must be a cruel joke!

And so — through pain caused, as well as experienced, lack of guidance through the ambiguities of life, and yearning for control over life's unjust jokes — John becomes a repressed memory and Joker evolves into Gotham's own bred, born and raised...villain or victim?

You deserve a cookie for reading all of that. Here, have some: ✨🍪🍪🍪✨

I guess I really needed to let all of that out, huh. After all, I haven't really rambled about this to anyone because I really don't want to be judged for making their relationship this intense and even possibly, slightly romantic in a complicated way.

This is tumblr though, so I can hide behind my silly nickname and just throw things that are on my mind into the void of the internet.

(it's 1 AM)

[everybody-loves-purdy]

Soooo I was reading Tom’s wiki page, saw something interesting on the trivia section and went to read the blog page it was from. Kate Cary said ‘Kate says that Tom probably walks in a kittypet sky after his death, where gentler kittypets are teaching him to be kinder.’

Now I’m all about redemptions arc but usually I’d prefer a horrible character to get some form of punishment, something they deserved as part of the redemption arc. The story making sure they don’t get away with their horrible actions. Not all characters but some of them and Tom is one of them. Just not the character just getting away with what they’ve done and they’re getting a sudden redemption arc off-screen. Tom didn’t even die a death he deserved- we see him dying to protect his kit, the kit he stole to try and control Turtle Tail, that he doesn’t really see them as his kits but his own property. Still- we see him basically die a hero’s death which just bothers me. Tom didn’t even get a redemption arc while he’s alive- wasn’t he also working with One Eye before his death?

This gets worse as one fan experiences how they don’t like the fact that Tom didn’t get what he deserved, that what he got is more than what he deserved. Then Kate just compares the fan’s want of Tom getting what he deserves to Tom’s want of Turtle Tail getting hurt, saying how both the fan and Tom are acting from the same base impulse and how that is swooping to his level by wishing him harm the same way he wishes harm onto Turtle Tail. Kate Cary even asks if it’s fair for Tom to get suffer if it does nothing but give the fan satisfaction and what is better: seeing Tom suffer or him become a better cat.

(1/2)

I can’t read the conversation well either after that point you say - I’m on mobile too and the formatting is just awful lol

Tom was an awful person and probably the worst example of a domestic abuser in the series, he physically abused both Bumble and Turtle Tail, to the point where Bumble literally ended up running away from the life she loved to escape him, he kidnapped his kits from Turtle Tail, and then iirc he didn’t particularly care when Bumble and Turtle Tail died? He also insulted his children iirc before he teamed up with One Eye and at one point Turtle Tail was visibly shaking at the sight of him. He was an awful guy, and him trying to fight off One-Eye to defend Sparrow Fur wasn’t enough for him to be redeemed in my eyes after all the trauma and pain he inflicted throughout his life - things he seemed to enjoy doing may I add, iirc he seemed to love being a bully.

To me the defense of Sparrow Fur might not have even been brought out of genuine affection, it could have been his way of defending what he viewed as his (I can’t remember what their dynamic was like so if anyone can offer any extra insight into this please do). In any case I really don’t think him defending Sparrow Fur could constitute to a redemption arc even if his motives were out of love. She’s his kit, he’s never harmed her. But Bumble and Turtle Tail? They both died ultimately because of Tom’s actions and while they were alive they lived in constant fear of him - it’s heartbreaking to see what he did to them - and Tom does nothing to try and make up for that.

Tom doesn’t deserve to get off Scott-free like that, not after what he did. It just feels insulting that he caused two cats to suffer so much yet he gets to stroll around in kittypet heaven where kittypets just give him advice on how to be nicer. (It’s not like he has to listen to them or anything anyway)

What the fan says is perfectly valid, and Kate’s responses just feel insulting to me.

[djemsostylist]

Son Yaz, Episode 22

Things I loved:

1. Eray and Ahmet: I love them being there for Yağmur and her family, but I also love that they still love Akgün so very much. Their hugs and genuine happiness when they first saw him again, the way they've kept in touch to let him know Yağmur is okay.

2. Altay keeping a picture of Akgün in his room: I'm curious to see where their relationship goes this season. Altay has always been close to Akgün and I think that with him being estranged from Selim this season, we're going to see some interesting bonding between the two of them.

3. Selim and Akgün: My biggest fear this season was them not being okay. I was mostly worried that Selim would turn his back on Akgün, but it's clear from his reactions and their conversation, that he still loves him deeply. Selim still feels responsible for Akgün, especially after what they did together. Akgün's genuine joy in seeing him at the end, the crow tattoo--it's clear that even after everything he's lost, in large part because of Selim, he will never abandon him because of the debt he feels he owes.

4. Related to the above: as horrifying as it was, the way they committed the murder was, in my opinion, necessary. It would always have been shocking and horrifying, but Akgün helping Selim kidnap a man, who Selim shoots and kills, is very different from beating a man to death and burying him (possibly alive). It feeds entirely into their psyche for the past three years, and lends a completely different level of understanding to both of their actions, especially in respect to Yağmur.

5. Yağmur and Akgün: I know there are a lot of feeling surrounding this, and people (at least from my brief perusal of Twitter) are very upset on Yağmur's behalf. Which I understand, and I think if he had broken up with her only bc of his brother, I might be inclined to be entirely on her side. But knowing what he did with Selim before that--I can't bring myself to be mad at him. I talked with @disisphlebotinum about the possibility of him telling her what happened. And while I think this is a much longer post, I do think there was no going back from this one, at least not at the time. "I accidentally killed my brother in self-defense", "I helped your father shoot the man responsible for your mother's death", and "I helped your father kidnap a man, drag him into the woods, beat him to death with a shovel, and and then buried him (possibly while he was still breathing)" is something else entirely. Something in him broke, I think, and her absolute belief in him, the purity of her love and belief, the way she clutched at him as her lifeline--it was too much. This hurts for her, but my heart breaks for him too. Selim was destroyed by Canan's death, but by asking Akgün for help, he destroyed what little chance either of them had to stay together.

6. Selim: Selim is not a good person. I love him, deeply, and I love who he is for Akgün in particular, but he is not a good person. Selim is a force, and he casts a large shadow. His shadow saves as often as it destroys, and he tends to be ignorant of the destruction left in his wake. His concern for Akgün working on the task force makes my heart soft, but he also is responsible for destroying him. Akgün would never have handled his brother's death well, but by asking for his help , Selim guaranteed the destruction of Akgün's future, and his daughter's as well. Selim is a character that I'm not sure deserves a happy ending, but because I love him, I do hope he manages to find a measure of peace.

7. Yağmur: I love Yağmur, and I love the direction I think they are going with her. She's lost everything, and it's clear she is barely hanging on. She clearly suffers from PTSD, and she also clearly hasn't truly dealt with everything. She has thrown herself into becoming the woman her mother was, taking care of everyone and forging ahead with building a life, but the truth is that she is far more like her father than ever. Her relationship with Akgün mirrors her parents', but her actions in attempting to build a life and forgive her father is also similar to Selim in the beginning of season 1--he too pretended everything was fine and ignored the issues in his family. A break is coming, and when she finally falls apart, I don't think she'll ever be the same. Right now she is channeling all her pain and rage into Akgün, and it makes sense, but as things start to unravel, the careful house of cards she has built will start to unwind.

8. The acting: As always, the acting in this show is superb. You feel absolutely every moment, every emotion, and the chemistry between all the actors is phenomenal. I quite enjoyed all the new characters, and I look forward to seeing where it all goes.

9. The characters: season 2 is taking a dark turn, and it's tone is very different from the family drama of season one. It is, at it's core, still a show about fathers, about parents, and the way they mold and shape the lives of their children. And our characters are still here. From AkMur just as in love as ever, to Selim who still loves too much and not enough, our characters felt like themselves. And that means this season, no matter the changes, will be as phenomenal as it ever was.

10. Akgün: I didn't think it was possible for him to get hotter to me, but good gravy. (I'm including this mostly bc I really needed a ten lol).

Things I Didn't Love:

Akgün in cream. I prefer all black, but tbh they might have been trying to spare me bc I was having a hard enough time breathing as it was tbh.

This episode was excellent. A strong start to the season, and while this show may not end up a happily ever after, I have every faith and confidence in the writers to be faithful to their characters, and their vision. I look forward to what is to come...

[niallloverontheloose]

“Stop ignoring or sidelining Scott McCall when he is the true alpha and the main fucking character of Teen Wolf!”

LOL the fuck is Scott/Posey Stans’ problem https://scintalla.tumblr.com/post/650697822782586880/i-am-really-done-with-the-tw-fandom-i-mean-this

https://scintalla.tumblr.com/post/650260868277370880/scott-mccall-is-not-dumb

@scintalla:

I am really done with the TW fandom. I mean, this post isn’t about ALL fans of Teen Wolf but the majority have just ruined my experience in this fandom. Keep in mind that these are my opinions which I’m sharing and not a personal attack on anyone. So here’s why I’m fed up with both the fandom and even the show to an extent:

1) The hatred towards Scott McCall is just appalling. I genuinely can’t think of a reason why anyone would hate this precious ray of sunshine who is always trying to protect everyone. Like is a 16 year old and doesn’t know everything about being a werewolf the second he was bitten? *Lol, he’s so ‘dumb’.* Doesn’t immediately trust Derek because he has no reason to? *Poor Derek Scott is such a 'meanie’* Doesn’t abandon Allison the moment Derek tells him to because the latter is a stranger and Allison doesn’t even know about her family being hunters? *Everything is Scott’s 'fault’.* Makes a masterplan to defeat Gerard and save everyone? *Fandom shrugs and continues to make everything about Stiles* His ex girlfriend dies in his arms? *Fandom cries a tear and moves on to fawn on Void! Stiles* Saves everyone in the show, becomes the true alpha from the merit of his character *Fandom closes its eyes and fawns over one liners that Stiles threw* Literally dies and is attacked by his best friend for not saving his father when he was DEAD? *Poor Stiles, Scott is such a bad friend. Why can’t he just do everything according to how Stiles wants him to? Who cares that even Stiles himself trusted Theo and confided in him only about having to kill Donovan and never clarifies to Scott that he did it in self defense.* Like I can go on and on about how much of Scott’s trauma and pain are shrugged off because of fandom’s obsession with Stiles and even the show makes it appear as if it was Scott’s fault somehow that he died and couldn’t save Stiles’ father. I’m so tired. Tyler Posey was so good at playing Scott and his performance is ignored by 99.99% of the fandom.

2) KIRA YUKIMURA DESERVED BETTER! She was treated so badly by both the fandom AND the show! People were continually comparing her and Allison even though Allison was okay with Scott moving on and even teamed up with Kira in 'De- Void’ episode. And why can’t Scott move on? Allison wouldn’t have wanted Scott to mope over her forever. And Kira’s story and character development are thrown in trash and she isn’t even mentioned in season 6! Like, I’m not mad that she chose herself over Scott because it’s okay but they could have spent AT LEAST five minutes to talk about Kira and where she was and how she was doing. And the fandom’s unwarranted dislike of her even though the show had made it clear that she isn’t Allison’s 'replacement’ or whatever reasons people use to justify their hatred of her. Like she is a sweetheart, her relationship with Scott was cute and healthy and she doesn’t deserve any hate thrown towards her. Arden Cho portrayed her so well and I hate that she was treated like this by both fandom and writers of the show.

3) Malia Tate is treated so badly by the fandom that even I was surprised by the venom hurled towards her. Malia spent eight years as a coyote, so obviously she doesn’t know how to handle complex human emotions that even teenagers struggle with. And she does better than expected . She is not an 'unsupportive’, 'abusive’ girlfriend that toxic Stydia (i.e. not ALL stydia shippers, only the toxic ones) shippers make her out to be. She even figured out that Stiles had killed Donovan in self defense and said she didn’t judge him for it. And what did she get in return? She was ditched by her boyfriend for her efforts. And no, it’s not toxic that she was jealous of Lydia and Stiles because she was just dumped and wasn’t given closure over it, so obviously she isn’t going to be okay that her boyfriend was moving on so quickly. Like it’s not ideal but it’s not the worst thing. And even if you don’t ship stalia, you have no reason to hate on her. Just ship your ship and leave others who don’t agree with your personal opinion alone.

I haven’t even scratched the tip of the iceberg but these were the only ones that came to my mind. The blatant sexism and racism from the fans really saddens me and I wouldn’t be so mad if actors like Tyler Posey, Arden Cho, Shelley Hennig etc.. weren’t hated on for doing their literal jobs. Like, I’m not telling you to hate Stiles or Derek (which is impossible as it is when it comes to TW fandom) or tell you to stop shipping Sterek and Stydia (There’s nothing wrong with the ships inherently but I wish its stans weren’t so hell bent on making everything in TW about their ship). Only that you stop hating poc, female characters for no valid reasons and stop excusing your white faves’ problematic actions because they cried about it once or whatever. Like no wonder why white men are able to get away with the worst shit while poc and women suffer for no fault of theirs and hated on for things they can’t control; like their race or gender.

//

“I’M NOT TELLING YOU TO LIKE SCOTT AND HATE STILES AND DEREK” Antis screech at the top of their ragged lungs as they proceed to hate Stiles and Derek for daring to eclipse their whiny fav Scott from day one without even trying, throw a temper tantrum because everyone – including the whole Teen Wolf cast and their bitter flop fav Tyler Posey himself – prefers Stiles and Derek to Scott, and go out of their delusional way to twist and/or erase canon in order to blame Stiles and Derek for Scott’s own canonical toxic actions and behavior.

I also luv the way they try to paint Tyler Posey as a poor mistreated, sidelined, discriminated victim and pretend to give a shit about Arden Cho and Kira Yukimura as if Posey hasn’t been texting Jeff Davis begging his buddy to give him a job for the past five years and didn’t refer to Kira as “a good distraction for Scott”

@scintalla post is another proof that Scott Stans never watched an episode of the actual show:

“Scott makes a masterplan to defeat Gerard and saves everyone? Fandom shrugs and continues to make everything about Stiles”

Except that Scott didn’t save anyone in Master Plan – Stiles, Peter and Lydia did – and failed to kill Gerard. The only thing Scott achieved with his dumb excuse of a plan was prompting his buddy Gerard to order the Kanima to slaughter everyone in the warehouse, including Scott.

“His ex girlfriend dies in his arms? Fandom cries a tear and moves on to fawn over Void Stiles”

Did you notice how Scott/Posey Stans, just like Tyler Posey and Jeff Davis, try to make Allison’s heroic death all about Scott? Also: the Teen Wolf fandom can call the show writers out for shitting on Allison and making her heroic death all about her toxic ex boyfriend AND fawn over Stiles and Void Stiles at the same time. Just saying 😘

“Scott saves everyone in the show, becomes the true alpha from the merit of his character” Lmfao sure Jan! Like, everyone knows Jeff Davis came up with that true alpha nonsense last minute just to make his self insert Scott a little less irrelevant. But go off I guess

“Who cares that even Stiles himself trusted Theo and confided in Scott only about having to kill Donovan and never clarifies to Scott that he did it in self defense”

1) Stiles never trusted Theo. Theo himself had no problem admitting that Stiles was smart enough not to trust him. Unlike Scott, who fell for Theo’s cheap lies and got played by Theo like a cheap kazoo throughout Season 5 #Oops

2) Scott is neither Stiles’ dad, alpha, nor authority figure. Stiles is not obligated to share his traumas with a toxic friend if he doesn’t want to

3) Scott’s the one who yells “B-b-but it is not self defense anymore!” at Stiles in Lies of Omission

“I can go on and on about how much of Scott’s trauma and pain are shrugged off because of fandom’s obsession with Stiles… Tyler Posey was so good at playing Scott and his performance is ignored by 99.99% of the fandom”

If Scott/TP Stans are so butthurt that everyone is in love and obsessed with Stiles and Void Stiles instead of paying attention to superior true alpha Scott, then why don’t they take their jealousy and frustrations out on Posey? Tyler Posey is just as in love and obsessed with Dylan O’Brien, Stiles and Void Stiles as everyone else is (if not more.)

As for @scintalla & Scott McCall defense squad circle jerk whining and throwing a tantrum cause “Posey’s performance got ignored”, well… they should be fucking grateful everyone – including critics, fans, viewers, the whole Teen Wolf cast, and Posey himself – were too busy praising and gushing all over Star & Breakout Star of the show Dylan O’Brien’s phenomenal acting talent to pay attention to Tyler Posey’s cringe worthy attempts at acting

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

I was browsing your blog and I saw an anon mention "sick of losleep" (but in a joking way) my gay ass saw losleep sick, as in a sick fic, and i proceeded to scroll hoping to find said losleep sicfick, lol there was non and that is a crime XD. Would you write (or do you have any HC's) for like Sick Remy and Lo taking care of him?😎

This is WAY late and I apologize for that anon but I’m here now so!! enjoy!!

Ao3Warnings: This is a sickfic so lots of sicky stuff (cough, sneezing, fever actually happen; nausea mentioned), sleep-deprivation (Remy’s a double-threat), minor self-deprecation from both Logan and Remy for different reasons, Logan calling Remy names but in a worried loving way

“You’re sick.”

“Nope.”

“Whether or not you are willing to accept it does not alter the state of your condition.”

“Yeah. And my condition is completely amazing and awesome. Not sick.”

Logan frowned when this rather cocky pronunciation was followed by a round of rough coughing from his boyfriend. “Attempting to ignore your illness will only worsen it. Something it seems you have already done. How long have you been sick?”

“Never.” Remy replied, too confidentially given he looked ready to collapse if a light breeze blew against him. He coughed again, wincing a bit before he added defensively, “Though I might have gotten a bad headache on Monday.”

“Monday?!” Logan repeated, giving up his pretense of only being vaguely annoyed. “You’ve been suffering with this for four days?! With, what, your average seven hours of sleep each night?”

“...Seven might be a little high.”

Logan only blinked at Remy, the other boy awkwardly scratching at the back of his neck. Logan was spurred back into action when Remy sneezed and immediately went back to coughing, moving forward so he could grab Remy’s arm, fairly certain the other really would collapse otherwise.

“Bed. Now.” Logan said, tugging firmly at Remy, towards their apartment’s bedroom.

“Hun, really, I’ll be fi-” Remy started, pulling his arm out of Logan’s grip. The moment he did, however, his feet caught up around each other, both illness and his much too common habit of not sleeping nearly enough stealing his balance from him as he tripped backwards.

Logan had already seen something of the sort happening, catching Remy before he had a chance to actually hit the ground. Lowering the two of them to the ground from there, Logan sighed when he realized that, as well as physically fallen, Remy had also fallen unconscious.

“An idiot.” Logan muttered to himself as he took the opportunity to rest his hand on Remy’s forehead, feeling much too hot. Fever. “I’m in love with an idiot, an utter idiot, a fool.”

Though maybe the blame didn’t fall solely on Remy this time. After all, only a moron would miss the paler-than-average skin, the way Remy had been hugging his jacket closer around him while constantly taking advil, the fact that he had been coughing so much for so long.

What could he say? Remy wasn’t exactly the role model of ‘living healthy.’ Him acting weird was normal.

But still. Logan should have noticed sooner.

Sighing, Logan removed Remy’s sunglasses as well, wincing at how badly the bruise-like bags under his eyes stood out against his sick pallor. Sick or no, it was most certainly bedtime for Remy.

~~

The first thing Remy registered as he woke up was that he felt like hell. Which wasn’t exactly anything new- his head really had been pounding since Monday, and every day that followed had only added to his roster of symptoms: coughing, sneezing, chills, nausea. The works.

He knew he should have taken time off sooner, but he and Logan needed the money, and he had never been one to admit defeat- especially not to a stupid cold!

Remy wasn’t one hundred percent sure what the last thing that happened was, but he was pretty sure it was the ‘stupid’ cold punching him right in the gut and then laughing for a while.

So why, along with all the pain, did he feel... slightly okay?

Remy blinked open his eyes, glaring at the light that immediately assaulted them and forcing them shut again. Memories, albeit fuzzy, of his last waking interactions came with the too bright light, though they ended with what Remy was pretty sure him falling on the floor.

Did the ground always feel this soft?

Remy risked opening his eyes again, the light more manageable this time, frowning as he pressed his hands down and found them meeting strong, but not complete, resistance from whatever he was laying on, and something on top of them moved.

Oh. He was in a bed.

Remy’s frown deepened. He couldn’t be in bed! He had to get to work! He probably hadn’t even collapsed at all, just dreamed it up, stupid weak body trying to trick him into sleeping in. Well it wasn’t going to work, Remy vowed as he started to sit up, ignoring both the way his stomach flipped and his head pounded at the movement. That wasn’t going to stop him!

What was going to stop him, however, was the sudden weight that pressed against his chest, pushing him back down onto the bed. A blur of very familiar colours appeared in his line of sight, then, leaning over him while they spoke, saying something Remy couldn't completely hear but was rather sure was some form of a lecture on his lack of personal health care.

“-a reckless fool, pretending you’re not sick, not telling me; your heroic wannabe of a brother is a horrible influence on you-”

Remy fought the urge to chuckle only because he knew it would turn into a cough. Logan kept speaking, still in the descriptive nicknames part of his rant as he pressed something cool to Remy’s forehead. Even as Remy suppressed another shiver, he sighed at the relief of what he assumed to be a cold, damp rag brought to what he was finally willing to admit was his fever.

Logan stopped talking at this, just sighing as well and resting his hand on Remy’s cheek, stroking his thumb slowly across Remy’s face.

“You worried me.”

Remy pressed his cheek closer to Logan’s hand. “Sorr’babes.” He slurred.

“It’s... it’s alright, Remy, I just want to know what possessed you to make such a foolish decision.”

“’Don’t need to be sic’ to make foolish decisions.”

“More foolish than usual then.” Logan amended, and Remy snorted, immediately regretting it when the pounding in his head increased with the action. Logan paused in moving his thumb for a moment, continuing when Remy had once more settled down.

“I didn’t think t’was that bad.” Remy said quietly after a moment had passed. “Thought it was justa lil cold.”

“I know.” Logan responded. “But still. You’re my boyfriend. A particularly self-neglectful one at that. If you get sick, I want to know. Even if you think it’s nothing, or just a head cold, or anything else. It’s important to me that I can take care of you when you’re not feeling well.”

Remy didn’t say anything immediately afterwards, instead just looking at the mostly-focused blur that was his boyfriend and trying to ignore the fact that his eyes were suddenly stinging. He refused to cry over something as silly as affection, especially when it was as simple as ‘it’s important to me that I can take care of you when you’re not feeling well.’ He didn’t roll like that.

“Aw, you care.” He finally said, cooing as he smiled loopily at Logan. Logan just rolled his eyes fondly.

“For your sake, you are very lucky that I do.”

“Of course, hun.” Remy said, tone slightly more serious, though he was still too tired for much emotion outside of ‘sleepy’ and ‘sappy.’  “A’ways lucky to’ave you.”

“That you are.” Logan confirmed with a smile. The silence stretched for a few more moments before Logan murmured, “You should get some more rest.”

“Mmhmmm.” Remy hummed. More rest sounded good. It sounded very good. And so tempting to just close his eyes and let himself drift away…

Realizing that Remy was fading fast, Logan stilled his hand on Remy’s cheek, leaning in a bit so he could press a small kiss to his forehead. Remy made a small happy noise at that, and Logan patted his cheek in response. After the pat, however, Logan started to pull his hand away, mumbling quietly about starting up some soup.

Remy struggled to get his eyes open again, able to catch (to his immense disappointment) the sight of Logan shifting to stand up and head towards the kitchen. “Wait.”

Logan stopped, turning back to Remy, brow creased in concern. “Yes?”

“I-” Remy cut himself off, frowning. He looked away from his boyfriend, glanced back, looked away again. “Nevermind.”

Logan’s frown deepened as he came back over to the edge of the bed, sitting back down and brushing stray hair out of Remy’s eyes as he watched him, looking for an explanation. “What is it, darling?”

Remy shook his head, just barely. “Nothin’. Go do your thing.”

“It’s not nothing.” Logan corrected gently. “I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted to take care of you. What do you need?”

“...You’ll get sick.” Remy said, slowly, hunching his shoulders a little bit in an attempt to curl into himself without moving too much.

“I’ve been with you since you got sick, sharing an apartment with you, I carried you in here after you went and collapsed, and I just kissed you.” Logan listed off. “Don’t worry about me; I’m already doomed. Right now, I’m worried about you.”

Remy finally looked back at Logan, finding his boyfriend still frowning at him, still concerned. He really didn’t deserve him.

“Stay with me?” He finally asked, voice quieter than it had been since he woke up, feeling more than a little abashed at asking. He wasn’t a clingy boyfriend, in general. He preferred the aloof angle, preferred acting like the reason he sprawled across the whole couch was to be annoying, not to ensure Logan would have to sit near to him, and the like. He didn’t ask for stupid sappy things like ‘stay with me.’

But right then and there he was sick, he was tired, and he felt as if he was positively going to die if Logan left and took all his soft warmth with him.

Logan’s frown was quickly replaced by a gentle smile at Remy’s request.

“Of course I’ll stay.” He promised easily, his hand sliding down from Remy’s hair to once more cup Remy’s cheek. “Can I at least start the soup first? I’ll be very fast, I promise.”

“Do you have to?” Remy asked, voice even quieter, almost a whimper. He didn’t know why it mattered so much to him. It would just be a minute or two. But he didn’t want Logan to go at all, even for a second.

“I don’t.” Logan soothed, his other hand moving to rub Remy’s arm. “I’ll stay right here with you, alright?”

Remy nodded his head, already feeling his eyes start to slip shut, unworried about having to stop Logan from leaving again. He vaguely recognized Logan shifting onto the bed, pulling Remy’s head into his lap, once more combing through his hair with one hand and still running a hand over Remy’s arm.

“M’sorry for bein’ so needy.” Remy slurred, quickly losing the battle against remaining conscious and not minding that much. Logan just shushed him and continued petting his arm and hair, beckoning Remy to fall asleep even faster.

“You’re tired and weakened by your illness.” Logan said factually. “It’s normal. It’s alright. Get some rest. It’ll be okay.”

Remy nodded once as he pressed his head closer to Logan’s thigh. Logan was warm and soft, and Remy felt safe with his head nestled in his lap and held close to his boyfriend. Eyes completely shut and any reason to remain awake completely eliminated, he drifted off within a minute, feeling secure and loved.

Maybe, just maybe, the next time Remy got sick, he’d let Logan know.

[ksbwnotes]

Chapter 8, Part 2

*groans in hands* I have to finish reading everything by September 14. I have no clue if I have the drive for this, but fuck me for having more determination to read this than any of my nursing books...

1. ...So it...wasn’t because...he was killing his prey???

Oh my god I hate that smirk on your face Sangstop.

But...now that does make me wonder if this is true and to what extent it’s true. Bum has been picturing Sangwoo slicing into women while he was downstairs and we also see Sangwoo’s hands often damp. So honestly, installing that pulley can’t be the only things he does there.  

Actually now that I think about it, the dampness is more from having to clean the basement and making sure there’s no residue from the woman that he killed. He’s very thorough. 

But...that pulley. Maybe he really did install that just in case?  He’s starting to use methods he has never did before. Because he has an outlier in his life now that he never expected. So he needs different types of punishments whenever Bum steps out of line, things that won’t break Bum completely like blades and sledgehammers will. If he’s going to keep Bum by his side and properly train him, then he can’t keep using the same methods he uses to kill his victims. 

Because, ultimately, he doesn’t want to kill Bum. (later on, when he does decide he’ll kill Bum, we see him reach a new level of destruction that he wasn’t capable of earlier. He had to break more in order to reach that point. So, losing Bum made Sangwoo lose whatever little hope he had and, metaphorically, killing Bum means Sangwoo is killing whatever hope he had)

2. *wince* yep

God your reactions are delayed, but...yeah. 

Sangwoo’s first reaction was to treat Bum favorably with a little kiss. To show that, yes, that’s one of the correct actions Bum could’ve taken--one of the ways to change his mind. But 1) Bum still came onto him sexually. Sex seems more of a trigger for Sangwoo (honestly, I think 99% of the women Sangwoo has slept with have died lol). 2) If Sangwoo let Bum have his way, then Bum will have the upperhand and he can’t have that. This is about making sure Bum knows what he did wrong and that he won’t do it again. 

So even if a part of him does like what Bum did, it’s not something he can overall accept. 

Oh one thing about his delayed reactions...it might be another coping mechanism of his?  As a way to build up resistance to what he’s about to do. Whenever he does something impulsively, you see him lose it. But when he takes the time to do things, his expression is more dead-eyed than wild-eyed. 

3. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

But i still can’t help but laugh lsjg;ijeog

Also, Bum, please...just...connect the dots faster please...but one notable thing about his character is that he doesn’t. While Sangwoo experiences delays in understanding, Bum disconnects entirely from the reality. Koogi keeps this trait of his goddang consistent.

4. Wait what the fuck

This is...worse than cutting???  You can literally snap someone’s neck with the force of pulling them up straight from the ground. How is this supposed to be a better option??  Also, lets be real, Bum’s trachea would’ve been done in by the force of this. Honestly, I’m surprised Bum’s jaw is fine. Fkk, what about the SPINE, HUH SANGWOO!!??!?!? The fact that Bum’s still able to even speak afterwards and does not have burn marks from the rope is...is whyyyyy this is a piece of fiction, Aetas, not real life sjgo;erjg.

Anyways, okay, so Koogi must have chosen this as Sangwoo’s alternative for a reason and I do think Sangwoo believes this is genuinely a better option. Even though, just speaking from personal experience dealing with patients, they always respond more dramatically to airway closure than blood loss. 

If I think about my earlier idea, he uses violence not really as a sexual outlet (though, probably at this point, he doesn’t know how to get off without--at the very least--being rough and treating his partner as an object), but as a way to hurt people in the way he has perceived them hurting him. The bonus is giving them bruises and scars that he can see--visible marks for the invisible pain they’ve given him. It’s...validating for him, maybe?

So, this way, Bum is still suffering and being punished for making Sangwoo ‘suffer’, but won’t have visible marks. In this way, this is less validating for Sangwoo because there’s no “proof” of pain, so Sangwoo perceives it as less painful. Because he’s a fucking asshole and that’s putting it too kindly (lol Sangwoo worsening instead of getting better and dying at the end is literally the only reason why I decided to read this and why I respect Koogi).

Also, from what I see later, Sangwoo knows for how long he can hold Bum there without him dying. So I’m not sure who the hell he is tried this on...says me who literally used fkkn google to research how long it takes for someone to pass out from hanging. Which can range anywhere from 3 seconds to 1.5 minutes. So. It varies lol. 

Ohhhh also this is much faster than cutting Bum open. That probably could’ve taken half an hour to even more than that if Sangwoo went that route. But with hanging, Sangwoo knows it can only go for so long, which is why he doesn’t go for more than one session of this. Bum can suffer for either 30 seconds via a very acute session of asphyxiation or he can suffer for thirty minutes or more via cutting. 

Ohhh this is actually very smart of Sangwoo. I can see now why he chose this. He understands that hanging is much scarier and will make the victim really feel like they’re gonna die. So, this explains why Sangwoo decided to set this up for Bum. Because he believes only Bum would be able to prove that, yes, Sangwoo can choose the alternative because he won’t hurt Sangwoo past the point of no return (in a way, death for the victim means that Sangwoo can no longer forgive them because the pain they gave him is just as bad as death). 

5. I don’t have anything to back this up, I really don’t, BUT--

Even though Sangwoo is smiling like an insane freak, it...kind of seems like he’s emulating all the hollywood serial killers we’ve seen on TV. People who are doing this smile like they’re truly enjoying life and blah blah blah. Honestly, Koogi probably means Sangwoo to be like this, like the classic serial killer that gets off other people’s pain.

But for me, it’s like Sangwoo is acting a part. Again, the eyeless thing. Sangwoo is taking on a persona--rather than truly allowing his brain to be present, to think about the situation for himself--that is meant to enjoy this just for the sake of it. 

I also don’t think Sangwoo ever goes into these things planning to kill his victims right then and there. Like, right now, I don’t think he’s planning to actually hang Bum to his death. I can assume Sangwoo has done enough research to know when to stop so that they don’t actually die (but again, it will depend on how his victim responds to the hanging). 

Because Sangwoo keeps giving Bum (and all his other victims) a chance. He probably gave CEO girl a chance right before deciding to kill her because, unlike Bum, she kept screaming and begging for her life. That is why Bum won. Because he proved worthy of a ‘second chance’.

And back to not wanting to actually kill them, that’s because killing them means he’s alone again. I honestly think he’s only doing this to people he has genuinely felt attached to in some way. He wants them to save him. To say, no, he’s not a monster, that he’s still worthy of being loved, that the way his mother loved him is not the type of love he deserves.  

If they’re unable to save him, then that means they’ll only destroy him. And, so, he must get rid of them first before that happens.

6. Seriously no hands why the fuck and what the fuck Sangwoo

Okay, this is gonna be a loooooong one.

And this ties in with my idea about how Sangwoo never actually goes in with the conscious plan to kill his victims (this is very similar to how Bum goes in thinking of one thing, but his actions end up suggesting something entirely different). 

It’s like he ends up killing them as a reaction to what they did

Similar to someone shooting a home invader dead and having it be self-defense

Also, this acts as a mitigating technique to avoid any guilt he feels

I think this also ties in to why Sangwoo doesn’t ‘plan’ things too deeply and just takes things step by step

Because the more he thinks about what he’s doing, the less he’s able to see himself as a human. 

In a way, Sangwoo’s guilt and shame is driving him to do things that just worsen his guilt and shame. 

Because he knows he can never be forgiven

He can never forgive himself 

The reason why he wants someone to magically save him is because ‘helping him’ is a two way street

A hand may reach out to him, but he has to be the one to take hold of it--and it won’t end there

He has to trust the hand to keep a hold on him, no matter what happens--and he has to put in continuous effort to keep holding on as well. 

He cannot trust someone to not only help him, but keep helping him and, more than that, he cannot trust himself. 

He has no hope in the world around him and has no hope for himself, so in a way, the constant killing is a self-preservation act as well

Since, subconsciously, he knows that he cannot live a normal life because of everything that has happened--

--and the world keeps going on in their own bubble despite his pain--

--He has to do something to keep that from crushing him. 

So, instead of killing himself, he’ll continue killing others because it’s what he’s familiar with anyways. And in survival, familiarity is necessary--a form of homeostasis--because that is when protection is possible.

And actually, back to that wanting a savior part. 

Sangwoo has never once been truly protected

He has never felt a sense of security as a child

So, to protect himself, he has made himself impenetrable--stronger and always making sure he has the upperhand 

Anyone who threatens him in any way should be dealt with swiftly so that they never take away his sense of security

So, wanting a savior seems totally opposite of what he should want, but everything he’s done to strengthen himself is in response to never having someone protect him

He wants to be protected for once

He wants someone he can rely on to guide him every step of the way, to be there for him when he’s weak and be his strength

It is something he has been looking for in every one of his victims and Bum is the closest that he can get to fulfilling it

Unfortunately, a savior is exactly what Bum is not. 

And a savior is exactly what Sangwoo does not fkkn need to get better, if he even can at this point.

There are no such things as saviors, just like there are no such things as protagonists. The moment you put ‘getting better’ as someone else’s responsibility rather than your own, you’ve made it so that you can never get better. 

7. Goddang boy, you really know you have nothing else but the grave waiting for you

Hmmmmn...actually, this is...huh. Oh. Okay. Okay. Uhm. So. 

Remember when I said that Sangwoo doesn’t go into these things planning to kill his victim??  Okay so that’s not wrong...but not right either. 

I thought that Bum did the whole hanging this solely as an alternative punishment, which I still think has merit, but now I’m like...okay so, Sangwoo does every little thing he can to make it so that no one can love him. He tries to make it fkkn impossible, which he succeeds at. 

He knows that hanging will bring out more dramatic effects from a person. And Bum has this thing where he can say one thing, but then completely do a 180 from it. And asphyxiation can really force someone to be more...open about their thoughts lol. It’s the lack of blood to the brain, so the brain will have less barriers to keep their filter in check. 

I don’t think he made the pulley as an alternative or lesser punishment, but as a “finality”. He gets that Bum is crossing into ‘unforgivable’ territory, but at the same time, is at the ‘I can still save you’ precipice, which is a hope that is more destructive to Sangwoo. Having that hope then it being torn down will be the last act that destroys his sanity (which is exactly what we see at the end of the comic). 

Because, in a way, he’s still controlling himself in his killings. He’s not just killing anyone, he’s specifically choosing his victims, which reduces the amount of people he kills. If he has to keep on killing, his conscience will make it so that he won’t just start going on random killing sprees and making the body count explode. That is the last tether he has to his sanity.

So, before that tether snaps--by way of having his hope destroyed completely by people like Bum--he’ll put an end to it before it gets any further. This hanging thing was meant to bring out the ‘truth’ from Bum. It was meant to break down all the barriers and finally show his true colors. Which is when Sangwoo can kill Bum via hanging. This will be very different from what he has done before, but Bum was different as well. So him breaking from his habits is his way of applauding Bum. 

 8. Sangwoo’s Doki Doki moment lol

I like how Koogi put those black lines in there as a form of a ‘blush’, but not actually a blush because nothing about this moment is romantic lol. And that ‘thump’ is a facsimile of a person’s heart beating when falling in love.

I honestly think this is the moment where Sangwoo falls in Lima Syndrome. 

Sangwoo is expecting Bum to react in a way that will finally let Sangwoo kill Bum once and for all. Screaming ‘motherfucker’ again. Curse him and say he will die a painful death, like his mother. Beg ‘please’ and for help, like CEO daughter. Anything but Bum still calling Sangwoo’s name, like he’s still a human instead of a monster. 

Just like my first instinct to be like “fucker this is way worse than cutting someone” and reminded me of why Sangwoo should die, Sangwoo knows that what he’s doing to Bum warrants Bum treating him like a monster. But from Sangwoo’s point of view, that isn’t what Bum is doing.

9. Lol, Sangwoo, stop fucking romanticizing this oh my god

KOOGI. STOP OH MY GOD. NO. YOU’RE KILLING ME. SANGWOO’S EXPRESSION. NO. DON’T. I WANT TO STRANGLE MY HEART FOR MAKING ME FEEL FOR THIS FUCKER.

But seriously. This expression. It’s like Sangwoo’s prayers are actually being answered and he can’t believe it. It’s like he’s looking at God reaching out to save him from all the demons threatening to pull him down into hell. There’s this heartbreaking sense for hope and Sangwoo is so scared that it will fall through his fingertips and shatter on the ground at his feet. 

But it is worthy to note that Bum calling out to Sangwoo via his name is actually pretty normal. I think it’s more common for children calling out for their parent to stop, because the person who is hurt them is more often then not the only person who can help them. And if throwing away your pride to appeal to your abuser is the only way to make this pain stop, then no fucking duh they will. 

Just because Bum is the only one who has done so at this point doesn’t mean Bum is ‘special’. He’s a fkkn human being who has been abused ever since he was a child and is familiar with the other ways of begging for his life. If anything, I think this is more indicative of how specific Sangwoo’s victims are and that he hasn’t actually killed that many people. 

10. Goddang Koogi, so much respect for you

Seriously, the way Sangwoo reacts to this is the same way when he later reacts to Bum saying “I love you” while Sangwoo is raping him. 

So going off of that future incidence, Sangwoo here is being affected by Bum on a personal level. This is the level where, if triggered, the more he’ll want to keep Bum by his side because this is the closest Sangwoo can get to genuinely/healthily loving someone. 

But the thing is, THIS is how he reacts to it. With aggression. And there’s this muscle twitch at the corner of his mouth that even suggests fear. Because that is how Eunsoo conditioned Sangwoo to react to ‘love’. Love is not something to desire, it’s something to repel because it’s a threat to your existence. But, of course, Sangwoo still wants love--he wants to be shown how love was meant to be in the first place. 

And that is why he saves Bum. 

Because Bum is his only--damning, dangerous, terrifying--hope for experiencing that.

(which is exactly why he fucking snaps later when he realizes that Bum cannot give him what he wants and if Bum can’t, no one can, so what’s the point of anything?)

11. O_O Oh...uhm.

I’m...yeah. So I still don’t think Sangwoo is the type that gets sexual gratification from killing and torturing people. Him holding Bum up by his legs so that he’s no longer choking is, I think, evidence of that. 

In a way, this is more from a twisted version of demisexuality. I’m sure Sangwoo got hard the moment Bum started taking off his clothes to crawl over to Sangwoo, which triggered Sangwoo’s danger senses. Because not only love, but he equates sex to something horrifying and disgusting--and the way Sangwoo is grimacing in that last panel does suggest that he’s revolted by his hard-on. It’s just that he can’t help it, because his experiences conditioned him to only finding release via situations that make him feel disgusted. 

Sangwoo didn’t reach peak arousal when Bum was thrashing around the moment he was being hanged. He reached it when Bum was calling out his name, still treating him like a person with a name rather than a monster who deserves to die. He wasn’t turned on by Bum, he was turned on by Bum’s ‘acceptance’ of Sangwoo. Rather than heterosexuality or homosexuality, this is closer to demisexuality because what he wants is someone to love him despite being a monster among humans.

Oh, I want to note that Bum calling out Sangwoo’s name could be likened to calling out Sangwoo’s name during the...throes of passion lol. 

12. Wow you’re really enjoying yourself there, Sangstop

Hmn so again, I do think this is another showcase of demisexuality. 

He doesn’t care that he’s getting off to manly cries, holding onto legs that are more boney skin than shapely meat, and a penis ‘hanging’ (omg i can’t believe i was able to fit a pun in here) above his head there. 

He looks super blissed out here and I don’t think he’d be looking like this with any woman he has fucked. It has probably been a long time since he has even been this aroused by another woman. And the first time in a long time that he has been aroused was by some skinny, creepy loser who’s not just a loser, but a man. 

Because it wasn’t the genitalia that was getting him off. It was Bum’s treatment of Sangwoo. So, in a way, he’s starting to like Bum IN SPITE OF his dick lol. 

13. *blinks* oh I can’t be quite sure

But I think Sangwoo made sure Bum would fall onto the bed rather than the concrete. I don’t think the position of the bed was...right over the pulley...or maybe Sangwoo made sure it would be?  Because he knows that hanging Bum could go either way: kill him or let him fall free. 

14. How...do you think of these things, Sangstop...

I mean, creativity aside (which makes me go down a whole bunch of avenues and I really really just want this to end already), Sangwoo actually uses the words “Before I do something I’ll regret.”

Again, Sangwoo’s Lima Syndrome starts here. Had this been earlier, Sangwoo would’ve done something he wouldn’t have regretted. Actually, had Bum not called out Sangwoo’s name, Sangwoo would not have regretted killing him. He could’ve fooled himself into thinking he was relieved because he got rid of an outlier that threatened his last piece of sanity. That he was free from the danger that was Bum.

But no. At this point, Sangwoo knows that if he does something that ends up killing Bum, he will regret it. The release he had earlier fooled him into thinking that Bum was special and could give him something that no woman would ever be able to give him. If he could ‘train’ Bum more, if Bum can exceed his expectations, than he can probably finally get what he has been searching for in all of his victims. 

And this is why he pushes Bum’s head in the water. Because now it’s no longer /just/ inflicting pain in order teach a lesson--to get revenge. It’s also about training Bum to make Sangwoo feel like he’s human.

15. Hey, I think this is the first time Sangwoo mentions how he has been treating Bum

Before, it’s always like “Bum you liar” or “I can’t believe you made me do this”, but now Sangwoo actually says “I treat you better than I have ever treated anyone else before, and this is how you repay me??”

Now it has become personal. Sangwoo’s feelings are involved because he is now acknowledging that, yes, he is treating Bum in a way that he could’ve never imagined treating anyone. So, now, Bum can actually do things like scratch Sangwoo’s skin and NOT get killed, which is fucking foreign to Sangwoo. 

Because, before, it was all about never letting anyone have the upperhand. The moment someone threatens him, he asserts his dominance to the highest level he possibly can while still being under the guise of “law-abiding citizen”. 

Bum, in effect, has become the only person who can physically wound Sangwoo and still live to tell the tale.

Aaaaaaand because there is more for me to unpack but I’ve reached a point where my brain is mush and I can no longer make sense of what I’m writing down, I’m actually going to end it here and pick it back up tomorrow. 

Oh my fucking god.

[zukofenty]

FWU

➜ Summary: The one where Katara (is sure) she's in love with the campus drug dealer. 

“Sokka, I swear! He’s not a drug dealer...he’s just an unlicensed pharmacist!” 

➜ Genre: Modern!AU, humor, DrugDealer!Zuko

➜ Words: 2.5k 

➜ Warnings: I will fight Katara for DrugDealer!Zuko 😩

AO3 

“We got the goods!” Katara squeals, throwing down flour, sugar, chocolate chips, and a sack of marijuana. 

Suki picks it up, sniffing the plastic bag. “This shit is loud and clear.” Her smile is dangerously devious. “Thanks, Zuko! This is going to be the best 4/20 ever!” Suki immediately begins to grab the proffered ingredients, shuffling them to the kitchen. She’s already taking some of the buds and putting them on a tray to prep in the oven. “Who knew fingering a drug dealer’s asshole would come in handy?” 

  Zuko immediately turns beet red. “Why do you keep telling people that happened?” Katara slaps Suki upside the head. 

  “Because I like seeing the two of you squirm, sue me!” Suki admits, shrugging her shoulders and dodging Toph’s slap to her ass. 

  Katara collapses on her futon, positively spent after spending the day helping Zuko drop off sacks for his clients, while buying all the ingredients they needed for baking edibles to celebrate the holiday.

  // 

  “Zuko, what the fuck are you doing!” Katara screams, almost losing grip of the wheel. 

  “How about you make sure your fucking Prius doesn’t eat shit?” Zuko screeches, coming back to his seat after sticking his entire body out the hybrid car. 

  Katara smacks her forehead. The pain where she hit is almost as bad as the frustration she feels. “This is the exact fucking reason I never get Chipotle with you!” She sees the car that was formerly beside her pulled over at the side of the freeway, the driver clearly angry with how hard he was pounding the pavement with his fist. His entire body is covered in Zuko’s half chicken half barbacoa burrito bowl. 

  “I’m not going to lie, that was impressive. The NFL’s vag must be positively pulsating,” Katara deadpans, rubbing at her temples to relieve the pressure from forming. Sokka always said her road rage was the worst he’s ever seen, but alas her shouting and occasionally flipping people off could never compare to Zuko’s hotheadedness. Her gut feeling about grabbing an extra bowl paid off, much to her dismay. This was not a rare occurrence. “How did you manage to throw your entire bowl through the crack of his window?” 

  “Well, the NFL can go eat a dick!” Zuko says, wiping his hands on a Chipotle napkin before taking a sip from his water cup filled to the brim with their lemonade. “And the shit dick had it coming.” He did, Zuko swears. It’s completely his fault for not only playing Michael Buble as loud as his Honda Accord was capable of, but also refusing to use his turn signal, and then screaming “fuck you, pussy hoe!” when Katara honked at him. That bitch. 

  “Right. Anyways, I’m recalling a conversation we had I think...yes! Two days ago. You’re still thinking about going to therapy, right? You’re moving on from your designated therapy toad?” 

  Zuko fully turns to face Katara. He accidentally bumps his head on the roof, and proceeds to smack it. “First of all, what makes you say that? Second of all, you know Frank has a name!” 

  “Not your anger issues, of course.” She doesn’t miss his eye roll. “Also, when you gave me your phone so I could text your uncle that you were going to pick him up, I went through your Youtube search history. Because I care. You deserve better than boxed hair dye tutorials, Zuko. I know you can do better.” At the red light, she grabs Zuko’s shoulder in an almost caring manner. He slaps her tiny hand away. 

  //

  Zuko was certain he was spending this 4/20 positively baked , so while he waited for everyone to wash their hands so they could whip up his favorite Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies edibles (with a gooey marshmallow middle), he took out his grinder from his hoodie’s pocket. 

  He grabs at the Sailor Moon bong he bought Katara for the one month anniversary of the time she saved him from being beaten to death by a group of frat brothers. She didn’t nearly like using marijuana as much her friends did, insisting on her maintaining her brain and lung health. She’d never admit to enjoying the cannabliss that came with huffing and puffing out some Mary Jane, but Zuko knows her sleepy smile after taking a hit lets her sleep just the slightest bit better. 

  Especially now that she’s working nonstop to pay off her tuition this semester. While Sokka was efficiently loaded, his record label was going through a rough patch after a scandal with one of their artists. Apparently, having viral toe sucking videos reflected badly on you as a person, and a number of investors pulled out after the news broke. Sokka was dipping into emergency savings, about to sell the Bugatti, but Katara insisted on taking on a few part time jobs. It breaks Zuko’s heart when he’s the first one to come home to her apartment, even after doing his runs for the night. She’s always blearly, insisting on taking a “quick nap” before she takes off her makeup. He likes feeling useful, when she instantly falls asleep and he’s the one using Micellar Water and a cotton pad to rub off her stubborn mascara of the day. 

  “I will literally curb stomp the Dean for you,” Zuko tells her, the fire behind his words that makes Katara doubt it was a passing joke. 

  “Zuko. No.” 

  He remembers being woken up in the middle of the night, Katara whispering into her phone. He invested in the Sailor Moon pipe after he found out she could only sleep a few hours, before being woken up abruptly from the stress weighing on her mind (her dark circles betrayed her).  “I started seeing someone,” Katara mutters, checking over her shoulder to see if Zuko was still sound asleep. She started wincing at the palpable silence that followed. 

  “As in dating or hallucinations?” Sokka questions, much too loud for her taste. 

  She sighs. “Don’t get like this! He’s a good guy, I promise. His name’s Zuko.” She hears shuffling on the other side of the line, after the prominent thunk of the phone dropping. “Why does that name sound so familiar? And so colonizer-like…” His voice is filled with suspicion, and she could almost see the cogs in his brain whirring to life. Before she could utter another word, her brother abruptly yelps. “Isn’t he the drug dealer who got beat up on campus?” 

  Katara sucks in a breath. “How do you know about that?” 

  “I read the Campus Crime Alert emails the school sends out, idiot! For such an expensive school, you would think they would have better security and less laptop snatchings. By the way, we need to buy you a laptop lock. You still have that self defense knife I sent you?” Sokka angrily whispers in the phone, mocking Katara’s quiet tone. 

  “Yes, dad !” She hears his irate protests as she flips her body to face Zuko. He looks a few years younger when he sleeps, breathing even and face forgetting the patented scowl. His bare chest and sweatpants hanging low on his hips were enticing. His hair was almost perfectly positioned, the strands messy and unruly but just screamed Zuko . The dangly cross earring doing too much to her heart. Down girl, down! Katara tells her pussy. “Sokka, I swear! He’s not a drug dealer...he’s just an unlicensed pharmacist!” 

  “I have the email right here! Right here! And tell me what about ‘student being violently attacked due to drug related incidents ’ doesn’t scream drug dealer getting beat up for drug dealing !” Katara bites down on her tongue, whether to hold back a laugh or scream she wasn’t completely sure. 

  Suki takes a hit from her Hello Kitty dab pen, a white, bedazzled one that Zuko had gotten her. Toph and Katara also had matching Hello Kitty dab pens, in green and blue respectively. She thinks Zuko has one in red, too. She added a second layer of soy lecithin to the weed infused mixture, before popping it in the oven again for another 30 mins. 

  In the meantime, Katara was preparing the ingredients for the cookies. Zuko’s laying on the ground, narrowly missing the futon, eyes glazed over. He hasn’t moved in the past twenty minutes. “Katara, that isn’t the hand mixer, that’s your vibrator .” Suko gently chastises, moving the device from her lax hands. Katara always complained her hands were numb when she was high, and once dropped a mug from their balcony after they packed a bowl together for the first time. Suki is still bitter. It was her favorite Gudetama mug. 

  After freezing the mixture for two hours, Suki, Toph, and Zuko were hard at work, mixing ingredients, and preparing to get fucked up. A few people have stopped by the apartment to exchange plastic bags for cash. 

  “Are you turning Katara’s apartment into a dispensary? ” Toph is absolutely incredulous. 

  “That’s a loaded question with an answer very much open to interpretation…” Zuko ducks the house slipper Toph propels to his face.  

  Katara has a dumb smile on her face, wide and threatening to split her head open. She’s an avid texter when she’s baked.  

 **

Katara: What are you doing right now? Come over! Zuko’s got apology weed for you <3

  Jet: I’m at McDonald’s!! Kinda of high lol 

  Katara: Ooo you got the munchies? 

  Jet: Nah 

  Katara: how come? 

  Jet: I smoke meth lmaoooo

**

  “Who are you texting?” Zuko asks, plopping next to her spot on the floor. She’s sprawled out, hair every which way and tangling into already unruly knots he’s going to have to detangle in the morning for her. Because Katara’s a lightweight, and suffers from weed hangovers regularly. Zuko’s already recovered from his many hits at the Moon Stick pipe. 

  “Did you know Jet smokes meth?” 

  Zuko rolls his eyes, curling up and trapping Katara with his outstretched embrace. “I really thought he would like my I’m sorry weed.” 

  “Me too.” He kisses the pout off of her.  

  Katara steadily crawls up (Zuko doesn’t miss her sleep shorts riding up) and tries her best to help Toph mix the marshmallow and Cinnamon Toast crunch mixture being heated up in their big pot they stole from Katara’s neighbor. 

  When Katara grabs the hand mixer to try assisting the cookie batter, Zuko knew he had to intervene lest something explodes. She smiles when he surrounds her with his body, the warm weight of his chest against her back and his hand wrapping around hers on the mixing device. 

  He loves her, he’s sure. Even while they roll the cookies together she tries to be funny (when she clearly knows she isn’t) and throws the dough at him, and it lands in his hair. He’s sure she peed herself with how hard she was laughing and scrambling to find the bathroom when her eyes could barely open. 

  Zuko shuts down his phone when the sweet scent of the pastries flood his nostrils. Even if 4/20 is like his version of Christmas, he’s determined to spend it with his girl. “I think my pussy just gave out. That shit looks dank ,” Katara squeals, shaking Toph by the shoulders to emphasize her point. 

  “Thanks for the visual,” Toph says, looking devious and wholly prepared to get stoned. 

  //

  “I could beat his ass if I needed to,” Katara loudly whispers in Suki’s ear. At this point, they were all laying down on the floor, the familiar tingle of an impending high at the forefront of their minds. 

  “Katara, you’re staring at a poster of 11 year old Frankie Muniz.” Suki shakes the girl off her. “Why do you always say that about any guy you see, sober or not?” 

  Zuko’s the most sober of them all, but based on the fact he killed a few joints on his own, he thinks he’s about to die. Toph’s on the balcony, weary of the smoke detector. She comes back in after repeatedly coughing, pounding at her chest to lessen the pain. She promptly lays on the floor with the rest of them, stupidly smiling. 

  Zuko sits, leaning on the futon for support. He pulls Katara into his lap, and she’s pliant, immediately melting in his hold. Hands coming out to wrap around his neck. “Check your school portal,” he says into her ear. She laughs at the sensation. 

  “Why?” She’s breathless, when he rubs comforting circles into her back. Zuko finds her phone, thrown carelessly on the futon, before gingerly handing it to her. After she types in the login information, she gasps, the sound reverberating through the room. Zuko blushes, and rubs the back of his neck gingerly. 

  “Happy 4/20, baby,” he presses a sweet kiss to her hair, wiping away the pricks of tears appearing at her eyes. 

  “ You’re lying !” She couldn’t believe her eyes, and thinks she’s a little dizzy from how many times she zooms in and out of the tuition financial statement. “You’re fucking lying!” The bill, formerly with a nauseating number of zeros was now only $0.00. “How?” she splutters, even spitting in her haste. 

  “Toph knew your portal login, so I just kind of...paid it off?” He’s doing the thing where he’s rubbing at his neck and looking shy, and so so positively adorable . The sheepish look he gives her makes it known that she was screwed . So absolutely in love. “I want you to not worry about it. Save the money from your job for something else.” The kiss she slams against his lips nearly knocks his breath away. 

  //

  “So what’s your plan, after paying all this off?” Zuko remembered Toph asking, after she entered Katara's password. 

  “After this, she’s catching all this ball juice. Going to suck her eggs out her ovaries like it’s boba. I’ll even use the straw and everything,” Zuko says, entering the pin of his debit card. 

  “You know what. She should have let you die that night.” 

  //

  “Who knew there would be perks to dating a drug dealer?” Toph teases.  “Girls be so single and then boom ! Baby shower pictures with some drug dealer in a Burberry shirt and Nike Air Maxes.”

  Suki groans. “Toph, I swear. You are a hindrance to society.” 

  “Well, you’re a cunt!” 

  She shoves the smaller girl. She gets up to face Katara, still staring at her phone in shock. Her hair is a bird’s nest after growing two sizes two large and painfully matted.  “You know, we thought we were bad friends for letting you date a drug dealer with mommy and daddy issues. We just sat there and prayed that our ‘we’re so happy for you guys!’ was convincing. But, I kind of like him.” 

  “Thanks for the support,” Zuko grumbles. 

  “Anytime!” The two say, perfectly synchronized.

  “Like MJ doctor, they killing me,” Zuko sighs, dropping his head in the crook of her neck, defeated. Katara’s heart nearly bursts because he’s so cute . A big bad drug dealer, but she still was squeezing at his cheeks like they were mochi, and he was dumbly smiling back. 

  “Why do you always quote Nicki Minaj lyrics when you’re high?” She thinks she can’t feel her face, the excessive smiling numbing her features. 

  He’s bombed, stomach growling from getting the munchies and devouring an entire box of Suki’s Wheat Thins cereal and he thinks he feels his heart about to explode. Whether it’s Katara’s sweet, sweet smile, or her body pressing to his, he’s not sure. She’s soft and perfect and everything he could have asked for. He’s sure he’s in love, the type of love that was dangerous and stupid and promised to consume him whole. Yet, he’s all but offered his heart on a silver platter to Katara. Her presence in his life was a constant he was willing to fight to keep. 

  “I love you,” he mumbles against her lips.

  “I know.” She stares into his eyes, before grabbing his hand. “I love you more.” 

  “Impossible.” 

  She pokes his chest in protest. 

  “Say it again, please?” Zuko begs, voice whiny. Her kiss was an adequate confirmation of the sentiment.  

[magioftheseas]

I'm the Nanami anon from earlier. I'll be nice this time and ask you to defend a character you love. Either Komaeda or Angie since both are at least a bit divisive. Your choice. ^_^

Just did Angie so it looks like I’ll have to write for Komaeda instead. Oh, the horror.

*sips milkshake*

So like… People are really fucking weird about Komaeda, even his fans. There’s…a lot of lacking nuance to be sure. Komaeda definitely suffers from “if you don’t always acknowledge all the damn time that he’s flawed then fuck you” which is really fucking exhausting, ngl. I just can’t be bothered to give a damn about that shit anymore. Komaeda’s an angel who did nothing wrong. Fuck you right back.

*sips*

…okay let’s actually do this seriously.

One thing that people miss about Komaeda is that he’s multi-faceted. Which means he shows different sides of himself in different situations.

He can be bitchy, but he can also be sweet. He can be cruel, but he can also be considerate. He can be capricious and contradictory and also change his mind dramatically when new (dramatic) information is revealed to him. He acts…like how a lot of people in reality…actually…act.

This also translates to how he should be viewed. Calling him a terrible person or evil misses the entire fucking point of how he should be viewed as morally gray (which is literally stated by the game in case that was too unintuitive) and while he does act for what he believes is the greater good, he’s definitely still selfish in that he’s motivated by a strong desire to make something out of his life and all the suffering within it. He’s selfish. But also selfless. It’s a contradiction, but a meaningful one driven both by self-preservation and self-sacrifice. It’s honestly really striking character writing and a big part of why Komaeda’s such a resonant character with some people.

Komaeda does not wish to hurt others but he often compartmentalizes pain as inevitable, sometimes even necessary, to cope with what he feels he has to do. He has no trace of sadism in his body and does genuinely want to help but because of how he’s been twisted by trauma and mental illness (dementia doesn’t help), he has a warped perspective on what he can and should do and because of the situation, he’s even more cornered and thus acts a lot more destructively.

It’s even worse that to Komaeda, suffering and loss are normalized to an absurd degree. Remember, Komaeda lost his parents when he was still in elementary school. He has no had a single person close to him since and if anyone had ever tried, they were likely brutalized or killed by his luck. Komaeda struggles with maintaining human connections, but he does what he can to understand them, he’s not completely oblivious. That said, when it comes to loss, he really does struggle with understanding why people are super hung up on that kind of thing because to him, loss is normal. It sucks, it hurts a little, but all you can do is move on from it and try not to let the loss drag you down and he had to learn this at a very early age. It’s not a moral failing so much as a tragic upbringing and people really ought to be more sympathetic.

It’s also important to remember that Komaeda’s used to being demeaned and dehumanized, but he still tries to remain patient and kind up until people’s cruelty gets to a point where he simply can’t accept it anymore. If he believes you as a “good person”, he’ll tolerate being mistreated by you because to him, he probably wronged you in some way and likely deserves it. Remember that Komaeda is literally incapable of recognizing what is socially acceptable or unacceptable behavior so he’s never really sure when what he’s doing is rubbing people the wrong way and thus can only assume he’s just…always doing something wrong.

But if he believes you’re a “bad person” and mistreating him, then he’s much more willing to believe that you’re in the wrong here. And why not? You’re a bad person. You literally destroyed countless lives. You don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. But it’s important to note that he only believes that people are “bad” when given extremely damning proof of it…such as being part of the world-destroying terrorist cult.

Komaeda really is extraordinarily patient, but he’s also like…pretty childish, which is really interesting. His idea of what’s “bad” is really exaggerated even if he still has respectable limits such as “don’t fucking sexually harass people, hanamura-kun, what the actual fuck”. He just kind of assumes that the Ultimates are all good people even with that because to him they’re like…designated as such the way heros can be in fictional stories, even when they don’t do the most heroic of things.

A lot of Komaeda’s mindset is influenced by fiction and tropes which I think is woefully unnoticed by the general fanbase. Komaeda literally believes “suffering builds character” because that’s how it works in fictional stories where conflict is what drives narrative and development. He only believes in the “goodness” of the Ultimates because he was lead to believe that “talent = greatness” which is pushed not just by HPA but also many stories in which the “hero” is meant to use their extraordinary capabilities for good. But when people are revealed to be “despair” (which is like, pure fucking negative, there’s not one positive aspect to despair), he’s quick to categorize them as “bad”.

What’s important, though, is that he clearly struggles with this simplistic mindset in Chapters 4-5 because Hinata, who should similarly be discarded, is someone he actually wants to believe better in and someone he still very much cares about. He can’t help but give a shit even when he “logically” knows that he shouldn’t, to the point where he even expresses regret (and envy) in regards to Hinata in his last video.

Komaeda is like…a mess. But he’s a mess of very real human complications and emotions, and that buried desire of wanting to be accepted, even perhaps loved in spite of his many faults, both perceived and not. He’s certainly not irredeemable (presenting him as such not only misses the point of his character but also the entire point of the game at large) and he’s very sympathetic as a reflection of a lot of struggles due to familiar issues of isolation, illness, and mistreatment. He really is like, a really good and relatable character and I think people are far too quick to overlook his nuances in order to make sweeping statements…which honestly come across as a means of looking more “superior” rather than being just plain critical. That’s just the impression I get.

And that’s my defense on who’s easily my favorite character of the series, lol.

[nevertrustamanwho]

How to make relationships work

When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, like most abusive relationships it started out great (or so it felt and seemed to me at that time anyway). Then things kind of slowly started going downhill after some months, but even though he'd changed I held onto the hope that he'd change back. I still loved him even though I kinda hated him, and every time we got close to ending it he'd pull me back in by saying stuff like he loved me, like he was sorry, like he'd change (even though previously he'd always said I was the problem, that he only did what he did because of me = major inconsistency. AND the thing that always pissed him off the most was when I told him he was being inconsistent lol).

But anyway, a lot of my strategy and thinking at first was: how do I make this work? I need a better relationship because I am suffering. (I thought of dumping him but I knew that would also cause me a lot of pain and I didn't trust myself to end it for good anyway.)

So I looked up advice on how to make it work (there is sooo much out there), I was pretty much determined to be the best girlfriend ever. Since I wanted a partner who was deeply committed to me and our relationship, I thought I should be that partner, too.

You always hear so many things like "you teach people how to treat you", I thought maybe I taught him to do this to me. "You can't change others, you can only change yourself / how you react to things", I thought ok I just need to change myself and how I react to things so I'll stop being upset with what he does (this is useful advice only outside of toxic relationships!). "Happiness is a choice", so maybe I'm just choosing to be unhappy. Even in therapy they told me "if you can't accept him for the way he is, you should leave him", but what they don't realize is that this is basically the same as "If you want a good relationship, then you need to accept him exactly the way he is" which, NO! Because he is not accepting me exactly as I am! I shouldn't have to do all the work! He is hurting me and putting in no effort and telling me everything is my fault. He is the problem, not me! It didn't help that my mom was getting heavily into Christianity at the time, and passed on harmful ideas to me like "love suffers everything" (yikes) and even though I was feminist enough to see through a lot of the bullshit, there was still stuff like that, and I loved him so much and was suffering so much, so it made sense, right? ("Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" don't even get me started on that one. Which is not in itself a bad philosophy BUT IN MY CASE, IN THE CASE OF ABUSE, IT WAS VERY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.) He also injected bullshit into my brain himself, for example he didn't like telling me he loved me even though he claimed he did and said stuff like "actions speak louder than words" and cited times he'd been there when my mom had psychotic episodes, and other good things he'd done (doesn't negate him having treated me and still treating me badly), so now I wasn't allowed to feel bad about him not wanting to tell me he loved me, or acting like I wasn't even his gf in front of others, because he "said it with his actions".

You always hear "communication is the key to a good relationship" so I thought, I must not be communicating well enough then. I learned about non-violent communication and tried it, didn't work. In fact, it made him listen to me even less. Another thing was that you shouldn't say to your partner "you always (x)" or "you never (x)"; which yeah it is bad for communication, it'll make the other person get defensive and is probably not 100% true, BUT in order to recognize abuse or toxic relationships you need to be able to recognize and acknowledge patterns. I also sent him every resource I found on improving relationships, all of which he just responded with "we don't need to read things, we just need to feel" or some woo woo crap like that to make himself sound enlightened, and make me seem like I was ridiculous or robotic for approaching relationships and emotional things in a logical manner, while justifying his own lazy ass.

I always wanted to be that person who doesn't bail when the going gets rough, you know? Ride or die is how they call it? So another way I rationalized it was "all couples have problems, I'm not gonna just throw everything away because of that" and I felt proud of myself for not "giving up". (Cutting your losses can often be the best way to go.) One recurring thing was him comparing me to his exes and it's embarrassing to admit but sometimes I basically thought "our relationship has to last at least as long as his relationship with her did, preferably longer". I don't remember if I asked myself why I thought that or how exactly I justified that that made sense.

The other thing was that it hurt so much and I was so frustrated and confused (because gaslighting), so I wasn't a perfect partner either, in part because I'm a HUMAN and in part because being messed with just really messes you up. I once made out with one of his friends in front of his other friends and he ended up catching me doing it also. I once kicked him in the balls out of nowhere when I was really drunk (in retrospect he totally deserved it lmao but in the moment he really didn't do anything to warrant that).

There's probably more to add to this, but I guess in essence what I want to say is:

1) Self-help stuff and therapy doesn't work to fix an abusive / toxic relationship, in fact it can even set you back sometimes.

Therapists basically aren't allowed to tell you what to do, including that breaking up with someone would be the best choice for you. They often can't recognize emotional abuse or maybe don't even know about it? They might even convince you that you're the problem because clearly you're unstable or maybe just because all they can do is help you with only "you" anyway. Couples therapy is known not to work when there is abuse and just makes things worse, and individual therapy for abusers can often make them better at abusing! (Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft expands on this in one chapter.)

2) Realize that not all relationships can be fixed.

One important thing to remember is that love alone doesn't make relationships work, even non-abusive relationships, even if you both truly, deeply love each other. If you are the one putting in all the work, it's not worth it and it's not going to work, unless you define a relationship "working" as being miserable a lot of the time but still together.

3) Don't take pride in how much shit you can tolerate and forgive.

This is something that is so instilled into women to do. And it's hard to think differently because abusers destroy your self esteem, so what else is there to be proud of? What other good qualities do I have? But if you attach this to your identity it's going to make it that much harder to leave, because not only are you attached to him and to the relationship in itself, but now your pride and sense of self also depend on it. You're not a failure if you quit and "failed" relationships are nothing to be embarrassed about.

How to make relationships work? You can't. Not you alone, anyway.

I hope this can help someone out there ❤️❤️❤️

[fandomsallaroundme]

As someone who really likes Tony as a character in his various incarnations, as well as a being huge Stony shipper, the current state of the Marvel fandom due to this special breed of MCU Tony stans is killing me. It's like their life's mission is to downplay the contributions of every other character (except maybe Peter) to make their fav look the best. They sure love reducing Steve Rogers to the "pretty white guy who did nothing", which frankly couldn't be further from the truth. (1)

Of course when called outon their shit, (and the fact that they all conveniently ignore that Tony never called Steve either when he had the chance to), they fall back on the "WhY caN'T yOu TaKE a JoKE!!1!" excuse. It's honestly exhausting to have your love for a character being slowly drained out of you because the most popular version of that character has a million toxic stans who somehow don't understand that the other Avengers may mean just as much to other people as Tony does to them. (2)

I found your blog because I pretty much had it with being disrespectful towards the other Avengers as some sort of weird ass defense for Tony, which the character doesn’t need. IMO if you can't build your fav up without tearing other characters down and then trying to play it off as a joke, you're doing it wrong. I don't understand why they can't let Tony be an actual flawed (but incredibly interesting) character,as that is what drew me to him in the first place. (3)

I also have to stop myeyes from rolling into another dimension when they try and make "bad childhoods" into a competition, but then conveniently forget that Nat was literally brainwashed into being an assassin from a young age, and Steve grewup in poverty with an alcoholic father, sick mother, a list of illnesses longer than my shopping list while WWII raged on in the background. Like they're trying

to claim Tony had it the hardest?? Compared to these other characters????

What????? (4)

Honestly, that makes me

feel like these “stans” don't know shit about Tony at all, because that's

something the character himself wouldn't even THINK of saying, in both the MCU

and the comics/cartoons. I just want my pre-MCU Civil War Marvel fandom back so

I can go into the tag without seeing all this shitty content. Anyways, sorry

for the rant, had to deal with some of those toxic stans today and came here to

get a breath of fresh air. (5)

 Sorry if my reply is a bit later than expected, I had to get home from work and then I had to lay out all your asks chronologically and read them all at once because reading them chunk by chunk was whacking my ADHD brain out lmao

Anyway, first of all: hi! It’s super nice to meet another Marvel fan who actually likes the team instead of just one character in particular! So glad to have you aboard this actual garbage dump that is my blog! Welcome! And don’t worry about ranting, lord knows I do it all the time yet somehow people still think I’m worth following. :D

Second, god do I know where you’re coming from. The Marvel fandom used to be such an open and inviting place, full of some of the best people I could ever hope to meet. I was a huge fan since 2011 when Thor and Captain America TFA came, but I didn’t really join the “fandom” itself until… maybe early 2014?? Around the time Winter Soldier came out. I remember the fandom coming together and just sobbing over this beautiful movie, coming up with hundreds of fics and headcanons for how Tony and the other Avengers could help rehabilitate Bucky and help Steve get his friend back. There were whole discussions and wishes for a very long and very important talk between the entire group as friends, for Tony to learn the truth and choose to forgive Bucky for his parent’s deaths because he never chose to kill them, would never choose to do so of his own free will, and for the team to come together, stronger than ever because they understood each other’s pain.

I haven’t seen hide nor hair of such AUs since 2016.

Civil War was the worst possible decision the Marvel execs made. They should never have tried to adapt the storyline into a movie, or they shouldn’t have done it so haphazardly while also still trying to resolve the issues from TWS. Dividing the fandom on who is Right and who is Wrong was a fucking mistake, because instead of thinking critically about the moral implications of what signing or abstaining from the Accords means, the fandom has devolved into claiming the side that their favorite characters are on is automatically “Right” and then trying to build a defense around their character in particular instead of what they are actually fighting for.

I’m very sorry your enjoyment of Tony’s character has faded because of people who cannot admit their faves’ faults. Tony is actually a rather interesting and complicated character, and although I cannot say whether or not I could ever love him the way I used to way back in the 2012-2013 era of Marvel, I could at least, ya know, tolerate him, or just be neutral to him.

But I have to Hate Him, because the toxic, overwhelming majority of his stans have targeted, degraded, and trashed all the other Avengers so thoroughly I can no longer see what I ever liked about Tony in the first place.

Yes, Tony suffered. Yes, his childhood was hard. Yes, Steve shouldn’t have lied to him.

But he hasn’t suffered the most out of the entire Avengers team (Natasha), he didn’t grow up chronically ill (Steve) or in poverty and orphaned (Wanda). Howard not loving him was awful, but he still did have a wonderful father figure in Edwin Jarvis, and his mother loved and cared for him.

Steve lying to him seems to be, like, the biggest evidence his stans have that he should have hated the Avengers, or, it’s the reason they like to give for hating the others because “everyone turned against him!!  He deserved better friends!!!” No??? Steve lying to him was wrong, but him trying to kill Bucky was no less wrong (it was, in fact, about 100x worse because, ya know, murder), and after all of that it was completely within Tony’s power to move forward and try to rebuild his friendships.

The cellphone was Steve’s olive branch; it was Tony’s choice not to take it until the world was literally ending around them. The others were completely within their right to avoid/hate Tony for him locking them up in a remote prison without a trial or even a hope of release before Steve freed them. A lot of Tony’s choices are ultimately the worst things that came back to bite the Avengers in the ass; Ultron, not calling Steve, not turning the donut ship back to Earth after Ebony Maw was dead, the Sokovia Accords, etc.

(Aw geez, I kind of went on my own rant there, lol)

I desperately wish for the days where the fandom didn’t know about Civil War, when the team was the Team and they all lived together and kicked a lot of HYDRA ass together and then went out to do the occasional solo mission that was part of their own trilogies and everything was good and everyone could actually forgive each other for small things instead of instantly turning on each other because someone’s favorite character did something rude to another.

But, seeing as that’s not likely to be happening anytime soon, I invite you to enjoy my blog and engage in more rants with me in the future if you so wish. It’s nice to meet you. :)

[tidustargaryen]

Loneliness is my fur coat and my only friend

Well, I have not written anything for a very long time, but I felt compelled to contribute to Daenerys. After all she has to go through, I want only one thing, happiness for her, I do not think she will be happy in Westeros, sincerely. I do not see her ending up as a peasant woman, even if she dreamed of it, with, unfortunately, only one dragon now, she can do so much, that she will always feel compelled to use it to bring freedom, peace, where it can, but not to Westeros. I also did not expect a happy ending for Jonerys, honestly I know that Jon could never be happy in the south, we see him besides in his scene with Tormund and Ghost, he is held by an oath to Dany, but we can see that he is unhappy, and that he would like to stay north. And Dany, it's not her place in the north, but I did not expect him to reject her like that ... Nor did I expect Northerners to be so ungrateful after she was helped north against Night King, I really thought that Sansa and Arya would thank her, but most of all, I did not think Jon would leave her alone ... He does not realize how much she must be sad, and how lonely must she feel? We know the story of Dany, we know that what always accompany Dany is loneliness, that's why I have a hard time forgiving Jon, let alone D & D, no matter what what happens next, he completely abandon her when she most needed him ... We're asked to understand Jon because it's hard for him the revelation, but do they understand Dany ... Can not he be there for her, just a little hug, no need for sex if he is uncomfortable, just comfort her, is not asking too much ?

I did not even appreciate their kiss, while the boatsex ... yum lol But the scene where she is alone during the feast, Jon does not even see that she's leaving, and he's not even going to see her, she's the one who has to go see him ... Then the look of disgust he has when he pushes her away ... I have lost taste for the Jonerys couple, maybe it'll come back, I'm happy for you if you still get to ship them, but I'm not. I'm going to look for fics with Dany in the main character, fics to her glory ^^ Without men if possible .... But I thank all the authors who have spent time writing, there are stories that were really worth it.

I do not know if it's good, English is not my mother tongue, so ... Surely full of mistakes lol

And I'm warning, it's very sad ... I'm going to do a little bit of toshop to do a kind of moodboard, I'll post it again later, when I have time, but I do not guarantee it will be good either, it's been a very long time that I did not use the software ^^

I also wanted to pay tribute to Dany and Missandei :) The sister Dany never had.

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The dust layer had found its place on the painted table, just as the first time she had entered this room, she touched her finger all the way until she reached the edge of the room giving a wonderful view on the environment composing the island. Except, this time, Tyrion was not present, she had wished to remain alone, she was alone ...

Silence reigning all around her, except the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks, emptiness had invaded space, as it had invaded her heart. Had she been such a sad person ? So alone? Not even when she still had Viserys, not even in her life just wandering the streets in search of food and escaping the murderers. It would give everything to find this time, with Viserys ... What a drama ...

But at least they would still be alive ...

And the Dothaki, they were the people who gave her everything, without them she would not be the woman she is today. She was only the toy, the slave of Viserys, weak, useless, but with the Dothraki, she had found people who loved her, who respected her, they had delivered her ... Of course,she had also had her difficult moments, at first, life is never easy ... But it was the beginning of a new life, a better life. And she had led them at their death ...

How could she still stand, she did not know, but she felt so empty. After all she had lost because of the Night King ... Why her?

It was so hard to look Grey Worm in the eye now. She had failed him, failed her people, failed her friend, her confidante, her sister ... Sweet Missandei, if only I had sent you back to Naath earlier ...

I regret so much my dear friend, will you ever be able to forgive me, no matter where you are now?

-------

“My Queen ?” She had found the North so cold, the people even more, they clearly did not like strangers, even those who came to save them ... Of course she knew they would have had a hard time accepting a Targaryen, given what her father had done to the Starks, and if what was said about Rhaegar was true ... But her people was in no way responsible. She blamed herself for taking Missandei to such a place, she was so kind, so sweet, these people did not even know her, and yet they gave her such nasty looks ... This place was clearly not a place where she was loved. Even Jon had been so distant with her ...

" My queen… ? "

"Sorry Missandei, I think the cold got the better of me. "

"Do you want me to go find Jon Snow?” Missandei had a slight smile on her face as she waited for her Queen's answer.

"I ... No ... I do not think he wants to see me ... I mean ... he has to be busy ..." Her friend walked over to her and took her hand giving her a reassuring look.

"You deserve a good man, he is a good man my Queen, you should ask him if anything annoys you.” Of course, Missandei had also noticed, after a month on a boat where her Queen had been often busy, that the Northerners had not been very present these days, they had just arrived in a foreign place, with people very difficult it was understandable for her that her Queen desires the company of a man for whom she had developed a sudden dependency.

"Thank you, my friend, but I am afraid that these days we are going to spend here are going to be very sad, very cold and very hard. I regret having driven you to such a strange place. "

"We will follow you to the end of the world, and we will defeat this monster for Viserion, but I would like to ask you something ..." Daenerys shook hands with her friend, urging her to continue. "Grey Worm and myself, once you have your throne, would like to live in Naath ..."

Daenerys smiled at her friend, she would be sad to lose her, but nothing would brint her more joy than to see her friend happy. "Of course, you know you do not have to ask, you and Grey Worm are free. "

----

... .If only she had known ...

The Unsullied were trained warriors to no longer feel emotions, nor pain, and yet she could see how much Grey Worm was suffering ... She would give her own life a hundred times if it could make his lover back to life.

Anyway, she did not have much, except Drogon ...

Rhaegal ... my child ...

I swore that no one was going to take you to me after Viserys, Drogo and Rhaego ... I failed again ... Am I a monster to lead all people who believe in me or who love me to death ?

Viserion, Rhaegal, she might lose Drogon if she continued ... My children ... And why? A country of ungrateful people who would never be able to love her?

When she arrived at Dragonstone, she had felt that she was not at home, just as she certainly was not in the North, how ironic that she had been searching for her house all her life, believing Westeros was her home... I only found death here, death and disappointment. I do not belong anywhere, I do not belong to anyone?

Not even Jon ...

She had thought to find love here in those desolate lands, and that's right, she loved him, oh she loved him so much ... It was perhaps her biggest mistake, she had given him her time her body, her heart, her armies, her dragons, and what remained to her now? A tiny little army and Drogon ... She had felt so lonely in the North, she understood that he could not be very present for her, he had to organize Winterfell's defense, he had to spend time with his family. Was not she his family to ? Even if they did not share this blood tie?

No, clearly he was not. She had not really had time to appreciate that she was no longer the last of her family, in other circumstances she would have been delighted, but this revelation would make her lose everything, everything she was fighting for since she was a child, Jon had pushed her away, and soon the wolves and the lions, as well as the serpents, would feast on her corpse and place a "male" heir on the throne. Why did not he just understand that? He did not want to be a king, she knew it, they knew it too, but who cares ... She was a woman, impulsive like her Hand liked to say, a mixture that did not make a good Queen apparently ... And Jon ... An honorable and fair man an ideal candidate, even if he did not want it, would he have made a good king if he had been unhappy in the South and in his duty? Surely not, but what does it matter ....

After all she had gone through in her life, now that she was on the verge of having what she wanted, everything was torn out, again. I had a family one day, and everything was tear off away from me because of my naivety. Had she been too naive to think that she could still have a family, a man who loves her? If she had not let herself be guided by her emotions for Jon, maybe things would have been different ...

The worst had been to see the look of disgust in his eyes after he pushed her away. The drink had made him forget of their blood tie, but his honor had quickly reminded him that she was her aunt ... 

Why did it have to bother him so much? My family always practicing incest to keep the lineage pure, for the dragons ... My parents were brothers and sisters ... it did not bother him the first time he came to knock on my door ... My blood forever was a sin in the eyes of his Gods, and yet, he still wanted me ... Why now ?

Maybe....

Maybe...

Who could love a dragon.... ? Not even another dragon...

Three betrayals ...

It was a long time ago, so long ago that she had forgotten, or maybe she had trusted him too much to think that it could be her betrayal for love ... I told him to not trust his sisters, of course, Sansa had immediately informed her Hand, he chose to trust her, not me ... He knew what kind of man was Varys, he knew that from the moment a male heir is available, Varys will plot against me so that I die ... He certainly does not wish for my death, I know, of that I am sure ... But he would have been responsible ... Because he has chose not to trust me. Could he love me if he did not even trust me?

She had given him so much, and lost a lot by following him to the North. Oh of course she did not regret coming to help, how could she leave all these people, even if they had no gratitude, no love for her, to be enslaved in death by the Night King. She really deserved her title of the Breaker of Chains.

Where maybe she should have stayed in Essos, she would never have known, and her people would still be there, and Jon would be dead ...

A noise brought her back to reality, she kept her lost gaze on the ocean but allowed her visitor to enter the room.

"Your Grace," Tyrion came in and noticed the neglected aspect of his Queen, never since he served her he had seen her so bad ... She looked like the people of Flea Bottom, certainly much more beautiful, and less dirty, much less fragrant too ... He had pain for his Queen. He had doubts, he was tearing up between his family and the hope that he had put in Daenerys Targaryen, and he had failed in his task, and because of that, he was part of the reasons why his Queen was here, in mourning.

He had ended up denouncing Varys, and revealing what Sansa had entrusted to him, perhaps it was a way to redeem himself, although he knew that nothing could ever redeem the disappointment he had been once again, as it had been in his father's eyes, except this time he deserved it. Varys had of course been executed by fire, as Daenerys had promised him so little time ago, when she still had her dragons, Missandei, her armies ... The Greyjoy, the Martells, the Tyrells ... If only I had not wanted to save the life of Cersei, and the baby ...

"The troops of the North should still put a fortnight to arrive ..."

"Never mind ..." Daenerys turned around and looked at Tyrion at last. "Send a horseman, warned the Warden of the North that I would no longer need his armies, tell him that I am sincerely sorry for having made them go all this way for nothing. Warn him that food will be sent to the North as an excuse. "

"My queen ... But Cersei, the Iron Throne ...? "

"An iron chair that has made too many victims ... I saw it once in my dreams, really ugly, I'm sure you'll agree with that ..." Daenerys had this fatality in the voice that displeased Tyrion. She turned back to the ocean while her hand proceeded to what she had said.

"I pride myself on being a smart man, but I confess that now I do not understand you. "

"I refuse to risk the life of my last child Lord Tyrion. I will not stand it. And if I manage to escape from your sister's Scorpions, she will still refuse to give me the city, and if she burns the red dungeon with the Wildfire? Innocent people will die, far too many innocent people. There were enough deaths ... "

"My sister will not leave you alone ..."

"I will not stay at Dragonstone ..." Tyrion took a few steps back, refusing to believe that his Queen, this proud Queen Targaryen could give up so easily ... He understood that she could suffer sudden losses, but to the point of giving up this why has she fought since her brother was gone?

"Your Grace, I beg you to reconsider, even if you leave, Cersei will not leave the North alone, you will let it destroy after all you have lost to save them? And Missandei? You do not want to have her ... "

"ENOUGH LORD TYRION! My decision is made and it is irrevocable ... You are free, I discharge you from your duties as Hand of the Queen. "

Tyrion stayed a few moments without being able to say anything ... He stared at the Hand's badge and gently removed it from his coat, placing it on the painted table. He knew that his Queen would not change her mind, he tried a last approach anyway.

"And Jon Snow? He is your blood, but more than that, you love him, you will abandon him to his fate without even saying goodbye? What did he do to deserve such coldness? "

Of course, Daenerys knew that Jon would go back to the North, the real North, where Cersei would never find him. She had seen it in his eyes, he would never have been happy here with me, even if he had finally accepted our bond of blood ...

"He does not want to stay in the South, he does not want to have a relationship with his aunt. He is a Stark, he belongs to the North. I release the slaves, I do not chained him Lord Tyrion, I will never force him to do something he does not want. I will not be the woman who will make him unhappy, I deserve better, and him too. "

She turned around and stared at her old Hand a few moments, "It was pleasant the time that it lasted, thank you for your services, I wish you to be happy. "

"It has been an honor to serve you my Queen, may I ask you what you are going to do now? "

Daenerys watched the waves crash on the rocks, then Drogon who had just appeared in the sky. With a smile at the corner of her mouth she answered Tyrion:

"There is still a place where people need help, where I can still break the wheel, where I can save lives, where people respect me, love me and where I feel a little less alone. "

And so the Queen prepared her departure to Essos, hoping that one day she might be happy, that she would continue to liberate the slaves, that she might find joy in the arms of a man who loved her and that she would end up visiting Naath one day, even if her friend was not there to enjoy it with her, she would never forget it, just as she would never forget Ser Jorah, who had saved her life so many times, and of course, she would forever remember her children, the only ones she would ever have, the one who's still with her, who protected her, and those who had joined her husband, and her son, her brothers, her mother and all these Targaryen ancestors.

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She deserve happiness !!! She deserve the world, and if people have read this, thanks and please, cry with me :’(

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@lanvinlouis THANK YOU for these beautiful truthful asks and the chance to talk more about how Jeremy Is Valid

honestly i'm h e e r e .......................................................for jeremy...like from the opening number it makes it obvious that what jeremy's after isn't really anything like popularity or coolness in and of itself, he just wants like, the chance to be okay lol....really he's like, actively suffering, and he wants whatever it is he needs to change that. it isn't that he's like, inherently jealous of popularity or coolness or whatever and he's just interested in status for the sake of his own ego, it's that he feels like whenever he's just existing and trying to get from point A to point B, he's drawing this antagonism and contempt and he can't manage to change his situation on his own. and like it's not just that school is fucked up for him b/c he's already like "everything sucks" before he's even left his bedroom at the start of the day like. he's unhappy with his whole life, and now he's basically at this point where he doesn't feel like that's going to change either thanks to or independently of his own efforts, and like, that's bad....just like, in general, when somebody feels like their life NEEDS to change but that there's no chance it will, they're pretty much having an ongoing crisis for as long as that lasts. and like yeah jeremy's dealing with all these issues and is like, taking it day by day trying to go through it like it's a routine, but not only is the "things will change eventually" in doubt for him but like also his ability to actually just tolerate it indefinitely is also in doubt, even though he's been dealing with it for a long time, the problems have probably gotten worse and more numerous and then yknow meanwhile he's probably feeling less hope about things than he might've back in say middle school and such

like, he's desperate enough to actually consider the super weird advice of the guy who bullies him i guess every day. cuz like he sings right off the bat that he wants someone to help him after his own efforts fail yet again and rich is telling him about the squip right after his lowered expectations have fallen even further and, yknow, jeremy definitely is feeling like things can't change even if he tries and that he does need some external source of help and as far as he can tell, the possibility of getting a working squip is the one chance he has...and like even though it's mentioned fairly briefly i think it's efficiently established that his parents' fairly recent divorce is really pushing him to feel even worse / more desperate for something to change things up cuz like, his mom's left and his dad's not literally absent but like, is more absent. and then also jeremy's seeing his dad as being in a similar place as he is and seeing that as evidence that yeah, things might not ever change. and jeremy wants to (tell himself he can) just move on and skip being upset and just accept it as is and his dad's not facilitating that facade and jeremy resents that a bit too

anyways yeah michael!! i know ppl have already talked abt him maybe not being very empathetic and it sure does seem to fit just fine w the material and the sorts of patterns of him engaging w jeremy.........like it definitely seems as though probably the situation he and jeremy are in is that like, they're both p much settled in to the routine of high school and the approach is to just get through the day and then they can retreat to either of their houses and hang out and have things be fine there. and i think the way michael sees it is that since he's the one who's not really stressing out about things being miserable and he's got the perspective that it's all okay since they appreciate each other and college will be way better, that means jeremy would be able to feel the same way about things if he just listened to michael and adopted that same perspective. whereas jeremy's feeling like those things aren't enough to make him feel okay, and when he complains and michael has the advice to just pretty much forget about it, that's just gonna seem like michael's not offering him anything that could actually help, because their friendship alone can't make up for everything else, and he can't tolerate two more years and knowing that things might be better then don't change what he's dealing with currently. like, i think the both of them just feel like the other just isn't listening to him lol....but like i do also think that michael sort of suspects that jeremy's really not doing so great and that his own advice is inadequate, because he does seem to understand pretty easily how/why jeremy wants to actually try to get a squip.

oh yeah and that even michael's light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel Guys Like Us Are Cool In College thing is of limited comfort because it's really just more of the same. like, that they'll still just be at the mercy of this social judgment, but when they get to college it'll happen to be in their favor. and that comes up when they fight and jeremy points this out how michael Loves To Feel Superior based on his own set of coolness standards. and, you know, speaking of what they Say with regard to how some of michael's shortcomings / weaknesses played into the squiptuation, even in mitb the lyric "but through no fault of mine" suggests more that this is defensive and he maybe does suspect that he factored into it a little bit, versus the lyric just being there to be interpreted as an objective peer-reviewed Fact in the middle of this purely emotional one-person-perspective song. it's not as though it's michael's fault or that it's a bad thing that he didn't know how to help jeremy perfectly or that because he might've been selfish in some ways he deserves to lose jeremy entirely. and tbh the stuff michael said even played into jeremy's decision to block him out / leave him behind, because of how michael's take on the problem of them being Uncool was that all they could do was embrace being losers and wait it out. so when jeremy was trying to change things, michael was set up to not only be a symbol of how things used to be, but based on the things michael always told jeremy, he's also seeing michael as a symbol of things being unable to change. and he does still care about him and all and like, doesn't even want to cut him out, but he's so convinced that his own judgment and feelings are useless that he's ignoring the fact he doesn't want to. and when he fights with michael at the party, jeremy's defensive b/c his misgivings abt his squip are kind of only making him more desperate to believe it's still okay, and also he's just in a bad place for anything much less to have an argument, and michael's kind of adding in this bitterness just about being left behind that isn't helping his other points come through as mere genuine concern. like, of course he's right to be hurt, but jeremy's also right to feel hurt by michael even if michael wasn't making the choices that led to the situation. they're mad at each other and they end up fighting once again in the play Because of the fact that they love each other and they want more than to be disappointed by the other.

and ugh yeah loser geek whatever............just kill me, every time i listen to it it's such a fuckin journey through the emotions of it all and. yknow it's like they say, it's sort of a Victorious Powerful Anthem because jeremy's definitively choosing to take action to change his life, even if he's feeling swept up in that change. but he's also only able to make that choice because he really thinks so little of himself that he's taking the self-contradictory stance of "i have to entirely stop caring about how i feel if i want to achieve my goal of Feeling Good About My Life" and deciding that yeah, his own thoughts and judgment are worthless, and he's choosing to totally accept the guidance of this entity that tells him that his life sucks because everyone sees him as disgusting and awful and they're right to feel that way about him. like he's finding it that easy to accept that he just objectively sucks and that even something so inherent as his sense of what's painful or bad is just wrong, because that's how deep his flaws run. and like yeah again he acknowledges that he's being selfish right there in the lyrics, but that's not exactly meant to be like, he's acknowledging that he's also being Evil And Wrong, because technically wanting himself to be happy is selfish, and that's not bad. he just thinks that the squip is the only way he can maybe be happy, and the only way for the squip to work is if he listens to it, and he can only listen to it if he accepts that it's right about everything including how he's horrible and he can never do things right on his own etc etc etc etc. like, he obviously didn't really expect the squip to be like "you're too gross to live" but it was really not that difficult for the squip to convince him that it was right. he hates himself a lot lol.....

also just, as something generally applicable, it's also no wonder that jeremy's often frustrated with everything and that it bleeds into stuff he says and does and the choices he makes being possibly not the most thought-through or Objective, and how can lose his patience sometimes. like he's out here with his flaws and weaknesses just like anybody else, and it's miscommunication too that's leading to Conflicts / making him feel alone

anyways sorry it took me a few days to answer that and frankly this Could be longer.......neither has anything to do with how much i like getting long messages and answering with long messages and supporting and discussing jeremy heere, b/c i like all of that A Lot, @ me about it at absolutely any time and at any length

[asahi-no-kagayaki]

Rainbow 6 OCs

I!!!!! Finally!!!!!! Finished!!!!! My!!!! Rainbow 6 Siege OCs!!!!!!!!!!! I’m really happy how this kinda turned out jifjfi my new babies i love them. I’m gonna have so much fun implementing them in r6s universe lmao i’m gonna post my first (r6) fic about them soon lol

Also i cant draw shit so i made their (casual-look ofc cuz cant find military-chara sheet thing) character design using Picrew (this website is really great btw) so dont blame me if theyre looking too anime-y jdojofjfo

More info about OCs below!!!!

1. Beruang (’Bear’ in Indonesian) Real Name: Lukman Susilo Sanjaya Age: 37 (As of 2019) Organization: Kopassus Position: Attacker Birthplace: Tegal, Central Java, Indonesia Date of Birth: January 12, 1982 Height: 5'10'' (1.79m) Weight: 177lbs (80kg) Armor: Medium Speed: Medium

Appearance: He wears standard Kopassus uniform but his face is covered by black half-mask and shades. In his free time, he usually wears bland t-shirt and sport pants. He’s kinda hairy, has a little bit of stubble and scar under his right eye. (Casual look:)

Personality: Serious 24/7. Difficult to approach since he only gives necessary/short answers if asked. He never seeks company of other people, and sometimes can be oblivious about things not related to his job. 

Appears stoic, but it’s not because he doesn't have any feelings. He just doesn't know or can't express his emotion to other people except Jasmine. Lowkey insecure about himself, like thinking he's 'not good enough' and people deserves someone better than him.

It's hard for him to have a close relationship with other people other than Kirana because of his insecurity as well his oblivious and stoic personalities. It's not impossible, just hard and take a lot of work before someone could call Lukman their friend or even boyfriend.

Special Gadget: Bear Knuckles - It's basically a pair of gloves shaped like bear paws, used to further increase the power of Lukman's fist (It should be noted that his punch is already strong before he put on the gloves), allowing him to break any surfaces (except steel, for now at least). Yes, it's technically like Sledge's hammer but it's his fist instead lol. Punching a person without holding back with this will likely put them unconscious or heavily injured. 

Unfortunately, it's powered by battery and can only be used a few times before it runs out. It must be charged before he can use it.

Short Biography: As a son of the current Major General of Indonesian's Special Forces Kopassus, Beruang's life was revolved around how to be just like his father. With his incredible strength and agility, coupled with knowledge of various martial arts, a fight without a weapon is what he shines the most. Calm and obedient, Beruang is one of excellent soldier Kopassus had, a War Machine ready to serve under his country.

Psychological Report: Suffers from a condition where he can't express his emotion and low self-esteem where he claimed that he's never good enough. It is believed that harsh training and upbringings from the environment he lived in was the cause of those problems. While he's good at his job, his social skill is very lacking, and he himself appears to be distancing himself with his teammates other than one person.

2. Jasmine Real Name: Kirana Tunggadewi Pitaloka Age: 26 (As of 2019) Organization: Kopassus Position: Defender Birthplace: Malang, East Java, Indonesia Date of Birth: July 18, 1993 Height: 5'5'' (1.65m) Weight: 131 lbs (59kg) Armor: Light Speed: Fast

Appearances: wears standard Kopassus uniform and her face is also covered with black half-mask and shades. In her free time, she usually wears colorful clothes, along with this black-chocker thing she always wear. She has short, neck-length straight short hair.  (Casual look:)

Personality:

She has two personas. A facade she used to manipulates others: Kind, supportive, and positive. And then her real self, which so far only Six and Lukman knows: Lazy, vengeful, manipulative, and cold. She loves gossip, and although usually lazy, she will put a lot of effort into works that beneficial/important to her (such as maintaining her face around other operators or learning 'perfect english' before joining Rainbow). 

But, Kirana is loyal and helpful towards people she thinks as her friends. If they're in trouble, you bet Kirana will try to cheer them up or maybe even hurt those who hurt her friends. She can be easily stressed, which surfaced as paranoia and mild anxiety. She also has abandonment issues, but no one know about this.

Due to her upbringings and her job as a spy, she would do anything to obtain important information she ordered to. Like for example, if someone ask her for intercourse in exchange of information, she would do it as long that information is very important and worth the deal (if not, she wouldn't do it and if they lied about it, she would kill them on site). She doesn't believe in and sometimes even disgusted with people in romantic relationship (like dating/engaged/married/etc), especially those who is in relationship with their workmates, but she's down for one night stand and such.

(It's not impossible for her to be in romantic relationship, but it is very hard to tie her in it)

Special Gadget: White Petals - Five small gadgets shaped together to look like jasmine flower. There's two set of this, one that function like Kapkan's gadget: Putting it on the side of a doors/windows/any openings and watch as everyone that walk through it get electrocuted. It's strong electric surge could even renders someone unconscious. Unfortunately, people could just jumped over/crawled under the gadgets to avoid it when it activates. But the gadget itself is very small, so it can be difficult to spot.

The second set of White Petals is a gadgets that works kinda like smoke grenade, usually used by Jasmine when she have to run. When thrown, it filled the entire room with a special, thick smokes that not even drone could see through. Unfortunately, it last only for a couple of seconds.

Short Biography: Born and raised in a family where her parents worked as spies, naturally Jasmine herself was shaped to be one. Claimed to be one of the best spy her country ever had, she never failed to complete her mission in obtaining and gathering information. While her firearms skill is lacking compared to other operators, her skill of espionage, her cunning thinking, and her good self-defense skill prove herself to be a spy to be reckoned with.

Psychological Report: Her facade personality seems to be a defense mechanism she put up to make herself appears benign and easy to communicate with, which what she needed for her job so she would be least suspicious. On rare cases someone's grow suspicious of her, she would be stressed which resort to anxiety and paranoia. Regardless, she doesn't have any issues in engaging in large group of individuals and offers genuine help and advice to people she care about.

3. Angel Real Name: Florence Marie Walanda Tambayong Age: 31 (As of 2019) Organization: Indonesian National Armed Forces (Land) Position: Defender Birthplace: North Minahasa, North Sulawesi, Indonesia Date of Birth: April 29, 1988 Height: 5'7'' (1.70m) Weight: 143 lbs (65kg) Armor: Light Speed: Fast

Appearance: Wearing standard Indonesian Army uniform, also wears crucifix-necklace. In her free time, she usually wears long-sleeves black/gray/white/pink shirts with silly designs (like some Indonesian words or random bootleg characters) or sweaters and capri pants. If she's on duty treating operators in the medical facility, she wears lab coat, surgical mask, and white gloves. Also her skin is darker compared to the other two ops. (Casual look:)

Personality: Brutally honest but also cheerful and friendly. She likes to socialize/interact with everyone, joining any kind of 'fun' activities, and laugh the loudest at jokes that’s not even funny. She cares a lot about her teammates' condition, so much to the fact that if she ever see any kind of injury or sickness, she will 'fix' them. She doesn't care if they refuse her treatment, she WILL treat them with or without their permission.

She's very dedicated and focus on her works. Even if she lose her limbs, as long she's still has consciousness and able to move, she will try her damnest to treat injuries and sickness.  

Special Gadget: Nightingale - A first aid kit she named after a figure she idolizes. Said kit is filled with numerous vitamins, boosters, bandages, medicines, scissors, needles, etc. It's equipped with every medical stuff you can imagine, people wonders how the hell can all that stuffs are stored in it. The gadget itself isn't very special, but Angel's adrenaline rush make her performs medical operations perfectly whenever she uses this kit on someone, so it's more like a mixture of a very-equipped first aid kit and Angel's excellent determination to save lives, just like Florence Nightingale.

In game, this could heals or revives operators to full-health with additional 30 health points. Unfortunately, it can only be used thrice before it ran out.

Short Biography: Her involvement in medical world began at University of Indonesia where she eventually got her medical degree. After that, she worked as a nurse in a local hospital before she joined Indonesian Red Cross Society and eventually served as medical staff in Indonesian Army. With her excellent comprehension of human anatomy, she vowed to erase sickness and pain from everyone.

Psychological Report: With her optimism and carefree attitude, Angel has no trouble making friends in every place she stay. However, trauma about her failure to nurse injured civilians back to health in 2009 Sumatra Earthquake took a toll in her mental state. This resulted in her strong dedication and commitment in her job, which usually would be a good thing to have but it made her force anyone with injuries or sickness, no matter how small it is, to be nursed by her. She doesn't take no for an answer, in fear of her past experiences. It is best for one to approach her in a healthy condition.

Trivia:

- Jasmine studied in Airlangga University and got bachelor's degree in Psychology, Angel studied in University of Indonesia and got (obviously) medical degree, while Beruang studied in military academy.

- Jasmine speaks Japanese to some extent, like she doesn't know proper grammar for each situation (Japanese has different grammars for any situation, like speaking in workplace or towards elders for example) but she can understand and communicate in it. She studied it all by herself, mostly because she's a weeb.

- As said before, Jasmine is a big weeb. She watches a lot of Japanese dramas or animes, also plays a couple of Japanese's mobile games like Fate/Grand Order and Love Live. This is what she mostly do in her free time.

- All of them like spicy food, although Jasmine likes sweet food a little more. As such, if they're cooking a meal you bet it will be spicy as fuck.

- Beruang loves coffee while Jasmine and Angel loves iced tea. Both Beruang and Jasmine doesn't like alcohol, although Jasmine might drink wine or champagne a little, while Angel is open to trying variety of alcohol drinks.

- Jasmine's hobbies includes cooking and gaming, Beruang's hobbies are reading history or watching documentary films, and Angel's hobbies are treating patients and jogging.

- Regarding their sexuality, Beruang is gay (still in the closet, only Jasmine knows). Jasmine's down to have sex with anyone so she’s more of a pansexual, while Angel is straight but dedicates her life to her work so much she doesn't care about romance or sexual activities.

- As said before in his special gadget entry, Beruang is strong. Literally strong, his fist could destroy wood in a second without him putting his gloves on. Although without his gadget, he can't destroy bricks and such (might leave a dent on it though). If angry (which is thankfully unusual), he can't control his power and might break something he hold at the moment.

- As mentioned in his biography, out of various martial arts' learned, Beruang is great at judo and silat. He would use Judo technique the most in a fight, though.

- Beruang thinks of Jasmine as his little sister, while Jasmine thinks of Beruang as either her best friend or a dad. They have close platonic relationship regardless, although Jasmine had a crush on him a while ago (before she knew he's gay).

- While regarding Angel, Jasmine and her dislike each other. Beruang is neutral with Angel, and Angel regards him as a friend.

- Beruang's favorite animals: German shepherd. Jasmine's favorite animal: any cats. Angel's favorite animals: Parrot.