#my team today is just really good
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absolutely has no recollection on how that happened
#my team today is just really good#i guess the power of profreshional +3 is no joke#splatoon 3#splatoon#splatoon oc#inkling oc#octoling oc#inkling#octoling#salmon run#eggsecutive vp#spritz#slza#will probably lose the title on exactly the next shift#but let's celebrate a lil' first#the opening of salmon hell gate
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a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters
#digimon#gomamon#digimon survive#survive week#survive week 2024#rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today#finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so#irl do be like that aint it#anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good#but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon#and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring#it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible#and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say#be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you#and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on#yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving#png
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˖°🦇ִ ࣪𖤐
#ok .. the appt wasnt as bad as i feared. and the therapist wasnt at all as i had imagined#he was actually one of the more easy ones within the psychiatric dept i've talked to#it was still a bit uncomfortable for me to open up esp when i got certain feelings...#but... what actually was good is that when i did that he pushed just a tiny bit and remarked on it and asked my further#(which works bc he also accepted when i just didnt know what to say or didnt wanna talk abt smth)#it took 2hrs omg.. but felt like 20 minutes.#i could notice that he actually is specialized on personality disorders lol. like he actually got what i said etc (which most havent)#so yeah. not as bad as i feared at all. he was quite good to talk with. this appt didnt feel at all as bad as i thought it would#but ofc he couldnt decide immediately if they'll take me on as a patient. bc they gotta have the required team meeting and discuss etc etc#he did say that he thinks my personality disorder is definitely causing me issues and that even if they dont take me on as a patient i#still need help. so that's just nice to hear#even if bc of cutbacks and such i know that the chances of me actually getting help are slim :(#IF i do tho i wont squander it#anyway it's just nice now bc i was SO tense and stressed and scared but it went absolutely fine#and now i'll just wait until they get back to me. and i dont have any expectations or hopes that they'll accept me as a patient.#so if they dont - as i expected. if they do - nice surprise and actually a real chance for me to get help#for today i feel ok about it phew#i cant help but be anxious abt how at the end he asked me for feedback akskskskks and i was like umm i dunno...#bc it's difficult for me to talk abt a person to that person T-T#but really i wanted to saythat i thought it was really good that he sometimes asked me if he understood smth i said correctly#and explained how he interpreted smth i said. & when i was like oh idk how to explain it idk if this makes sense. he would tell me if he#didnt understand exactly but know where i was going w it etc etc. which honestly most of the therapists i've talked to have not done that#so ughh now im like.. he's one of the few ones who does that i want him to know thats a good thing why didnt i say this T-T noooooo. regret.#oh well....
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#Heartbroken. Upset. Devastated. Changed for life#That aside reading the chapter was such..................... A struggle the translation came later than usual and the scanlation team forgo#to upload it on Tumblr. And mangadex is blocked in my region and I ran out of vpn data. Aka it was a miracle I even got to read it but it#took foreverrrrrrr#And I'm seriously struggling to share images so 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦#All aside I DO think it was a good chapter. There's some really interesting stuff. ATSUSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I like Fukuzawa's development it's r r interesting. I like how the parallels between Fukuchi's death and Akutagawa's death are STRONG#I really like Atsushi every time I see him do nothing I go <333333#I think... I was v comeppeld by the development of Fukuzawa telling him to run away. And then supposedly him *not* doing it#Telling him he can't win against Gozen and him still trying (btw the parallels w/ chapter 83 are 👀👀👀)#Because I've been striving for Atushi to have his own agency and make his own choices for so long!! And when he was like “I'm getting out o#this room- but only to see what the president wants me to do” it was very :/// I wished for a development of this kind#But then it's not what happened 😅 Too bad missed chance#Mmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what else. I marginally cared about Bram but I never cared about him as little as I did today#Nothing against him really just. Hey. Not the king I was waiting for 😔#random rambles
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survived new employee orientation day 👍
#it honestly wasnt awful it was just soooo long and soooo much didnt apply to me#but anyways. what im treating as my real first day is tomorrow yayyyyy#im kinda surprised how not nervous for it i am if anything im pretty excited#the only thing im a bit apprehensive about is how anti social is my team gonna end up being 😭#the interviews i had with them did Not bode well on that front but we will see#0.txt#ngl the thing im most excited about is being part of such a huge university/medical network again without needing to be a student LOL#like idk. when i worked for companies it was very much you Work For the Company#but today honestly felt like being a student at an university again#now i just work for them lol#and theres a lot of shit going on that is completely unrelated to my job#maybe im being overly optimistic but the change feels really good right now#lets see if this will enable me to wrangle back a social life lads...
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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Your honor my client simply wanted to fuck around and find out
#mel's musings#briefly interrupting my hiatus to leave this here#context: i found a remaster of joking motive with the bw2 soundfont on youtube#and it gave me the absolutely HILARIOUS mental image of raymond shields as colress' defense lawyer#you know. because of the whole ecoterrorism thing (re: freezing an entire city just bc he was curious about kyurem's power)#cause like. there's NO WAY that didn't kill people right#there's no way there weren't some poor folks walking around the streets that got blasted w/ unbreakable ice#(oc tangent: denise nearly died in this attack and has permanent ptsd and aversion to ice/cold in general as a result)#AND YET the dude seemingly suffers no consequences for it. he's still just chilling on team plasma's ship in the postgame#which always made no sense to me because ghetsis and the sages got arrested in bw1 (even if the former escaped)#n's a different story because he was being groomed. but colress has no such excuse#either the pokemon world's justice system is REALLY lax or he had a really good lawyer#and guess what brilliant idea i just had today. i would SO be fleshing this out more if my brain wasn't still eating itself alive#↖️ this user is not normal about raymond shields ace attorney and you best believe she's going to make it everyone's problem#forest for the tree
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#personal shit below the tags#just venting about getting dragged into high school drama as an adult#which is my fault because i help coach a high school dance team#long story short my best friend is moving out of the state and won't be coaching next year#and is trying to set it up so i take over as head coach#but she was talking to two of the kids about it today to give them a preliminary heads up and#they straight up said that if the current assistant coach gets the job#none of the team will be going back#but that if i get the job everyone will come back#this grown ass woman has thought i've been trying to take her assistant coach job all year#when i have been perfectly happy as a volunteer#and this whole thing was extremely validating and such a bummer all at once because like#i just won't engage with the drama she's been trying to bring and it bums me out that the kids have noticed it#i've been trying really hard to stay professional in front of them and thought i was doing a good job#i HAVE been doing a good job#but the captain knows what i'm like as a coach because i was her head coach her freshman year and so she's noticed the difference in me#so yeah incredibly validating because every time i've been down this year about this#i've been like 'they know which of us is here for THEM and not the STATUS'#and it turns out i was correct this whole time#they DO know and they have been feeling it which is the last thing i wanted for them#so yeah validating and a bummer all at once#we'll find out within the next couple weeks if i will still be coaching next year#every time i vent about this i feel like i'm trying to sound like i have the moral high ground#it gives me the ick about myself
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#it's quite a while that i do a really long rant here#but i really need to get all the shit out from my mind and clear everything inside my brain#and yeah it's actually related with yesterday's race actually#i mean we all always saying that never let sports ruin or dictate our own emotions and other phrases that related with this#but in a serious matter it really really exhausted my mind and honestly yesterday is the peak of it#and the fact is before the race start i was feeling so happy that srg wins mpl malaysia for 2nd time#and i say to myself that whatever happens during the race i should be happy that my fav esports team wins another title this year#but yeah....the race happens and it all just chaos...i mean not that usual chaos but i feel it's even worse#especially after the race#like seriously i should have stay away from any social medias for a while today#because i know how awful the vibes and environment there (and here as well tbh)#but yeah 🥲🥲🥲#like i really expecting that f1 is the only sports out of other sports that i'm getting into with#that i really feel mentally drained and doesn't makes me feel any joy by enjoying it at some point#but yesterday...that's the peak of it#i'm just getting more and more tired of the whole thing happens in f1#and the real life 'job' (more like uni life) doesn't even help me brighten up my mood either#where during app development my group is having a really though situation to going back from the start#in which we had some conflicting on some of the solutions are as same as other one group#and forreal all my groupmates were just fed up thinking about how to came up with new ideas#so yeah it's just this past few hours are just mentally emotionally physically drained out#like i really need to take a break for a while but idk i'm sure#i'll starting to get more and more tasks and assignment for the next few days *sigh*#nahhhhhh i know it's really long rant but i just want to be in a good headspace rn
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I'm alive!!!!
#sometimes I just do other internet things instead of tumblr haha#but I am good!!#it's been busy#also I had my birthday#I am now in EARLY FORTIES#next year it will be MID#what is life#it's just weird how time works#and how you have to spend so much of your life being really bad at it!!!!#it would be nice if we could live longer just so you could have more time to benefit from life lessons you've learned#although probably we would just find new and more inventive ways of screwing things up#as you do#I'm still really addicted to Stardew Valley#it's never lasted this long so I'm not sure if I should be concerned#but I have also been doing a lot of reading#work has slowed down so that's good#also I have been weirdly into watching professional football this fall#not a specific team#just kind of overall#like I have a handful of teams whose fates mildly interest me#I think it's because there is this guy on YouTube who is doing a series called If the NFL Was Scripted#and I am just amazed at how he has created an entire lore#based around events that he actually can't predict or plan#ANYWHO#today I have sooooo much painting to do!!#it's ridiculous#I thought I was past this part of home renovation#but here we are#it's sucky painting too#lots and lots of trim
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If lady sneasler went back home with Ingo i think eventually she would want to try battling with him. I mean it looks fun, everyone tells her it's a good bonding moment for both trainer and Pokémon and it's a golden opportunity to show off, why not? Who's going to stop her, the pearl clan?
Ingo takes a bit of convincing, out of respect for both her and the traditions of the pearl clan, but he relents eventually. He can't deny he's been wanting to do this as well. After a bit of training they have the time of their life destroying people's (read: Emmet, the elite four, other Frontier Brains and generally just other strong trainers (sorry i didn't include Elesa. I love her very much but she is not on their level methinks 😔. Id love to be proven wrong tho)) teams, with a mix of Ingo's old and new team and her as the ace for once in unregulated matches. (Turns out, noble Pokémon naturally have insane stats and therefore cannot partecipate in league matches or official battles. Ingo has to nerf sneasler/the rest of his team or use less Pokémon as a result, but he loves the challenge. He's thrilled when people defeat him.)
(Emmet takes this as a challenge. As long as his Pokémon are on board, he's building his way up to defeating Ingo when they're not holding back. He gets scarily close every time.)
I ran out of space in the tags but blankshippers dni pls. Let's stay in our respective lanes and not interact
#ive been feeling good today!!! good enough to think this up :)#also who else thinks ingo would get some kind of certification for lady sneasler to show that while she might live with him#and be in his pokeball and his team occasionally she is still not his pokemon. kinda like meowth from team rocket#shes there because she wants to beyond just being his Pokémon. do you understand me#anyway yeah there has to be some kind of certification for sorta emancipated (?) Pokémon. do you mean to tell me#that pokemon who have been proven to be more intelligent than humans sometimes are not allowed to just partecipate in society#with their own pokeball in their own hands. paws. whatever#maintagging this feel free to tell me ideas about this. do not send me angst i will explode <3 (serious)#subway boss ingo#warden ingo#ingo and emmet#ingo#emmet#subway boss emmet#lady sneasler#sneasler#btw yeah my headcanon is she absolutely does come back with him shes not losing the only people who actually treat her like a normal person#she might love throwing her title around but damn she'd love if they stopped walking on eggshells around her#she ran put of patience when she met ingo basically lmao#yes this is based on that one post where they say this exact thing. i really like that post#don't know if i should tag elesa or anyone else. there is something going on with her i know it in my soul but idk what it is.#shes very excited about this whole thing whether or not she can safely fight sneasler though. yeah sure ill tag her why not#also once more headcanon time i think pokemon from hisui need to go through training to not absolutely maul modern day pokemon#not because theyre stronger or anything. a modern pokemon could absolutely maul you to death. its just that theyre more used to#self restraint for the human's sake. and therefore would not fight as viciously and may get hurt#Ingo already kinda did this in hisui (and still kicked everyones ass. man they may have been getting better but they were still mostly bad#at battling. he could trust that theyd get even better tho)#anyway but yeah he has to do it again with sneasler and the alphas.#theyre too used to having to kick ass or die and theyre also Stupidly Strong#submas
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Roughly once every four years I ponder the alternate timeline where I didn't get scared and quit college rugby after a single practice
#everyone was cool i was just intimidated coming from softball and karate into a full-contact team sport#after one practice i was like 'this is not for me' and didn't go back#and i do feel this way during most olympics. but especially after watching a bunch of women's rugby yesterday and today lol#maybe this'll be the year i finally get buff. im realizing that i really need to get regular exercise so im looking for stuff to do#I've enjoyed softball a lot this year and last but it's only in the spring/summer (our season just ended)#i wasn't really able to play last fall bc my work schedule gets crazy in sep/oct and i work some weekends#gyms are so fucking expensive and i really prefer having a structured activity to just free workout time#i've tried a couple of apps (just started using a new one that seems promising) but i can never stick to them as well as a team or class#i gotta figure out what sports run in the winter and where the chiller recreational teams are#i do feel like i lucked out with my softball league. it's not so casual that it's a boozefest but not so competitive that it becomes unfun#some of my softball teammates have talked about doing basketball together and like.#im a good sport im willing to try most things despite being fat and slow but i am Extremely not built for basketball lmao#idk idk. i just turned 30 last week and have started having trouble sleeping in the last few months#regular moderate exercise will not solve all my problems but it will probably help#j rambles
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no, they cannot catch me now we will escape, somehow, somehow...
[flintlock fortress is, as always, a collaboration with @dxppercxdxver]
#em draws stuff#flintlock fortress#team fortress 2#on account of how incredibly proud I am of this and because I feel they are particularly on-model I will maintag this Just This One Time#wanted to do something with really dynamic shapes and poses and such and also see if I could keep these designs as I did so#the spatterdashes oughtn't to be so wide around his ankles but I wanted that Silhouette back#also I just wanted a picture of the two of them together Looking Cool#and I think this definitely achieves that!! (as well as paralleling the other drawing I did in this particular style ehehe)#know that I am endlessly torn between 'be subtle and calm' and 'shove my art at every person that I can shove it at'#and the second one of those things has won today. this one's a good one. You See Them. You See Them.#oh yeah and caption lyrics are from 'the bagman's gambit' by the decemberists. extremely them kind of song.
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😢
#class today was HARD#I was struggling a lot today tbh#and of course this new guy started working in the care team#and he’s my age or younger#I’m sure I’ve vented about this before#but I get so incredibly jealous when it comes to young people doing good#and like it wasn’t just that#we were checking in and he did his and he said ‘happy’ and I swear I wanted to walk over there and choke him#so you’re saying you have a really good job that I’m sure pays great#and you’re happy#cool cool cool#both those things aren’t realistic or attainable for me#but whatever#I’m sitting in the parking lot and not sure what to do right now#normally I’d go out and smoke and chill for a bit#but since I’m trying to abstain it’s so hard#i did a lot of crying today so my eyes are tired#but I don’t want to sleep the whole day and waste it#ooooofda I should have left sooner#this family came out (parents and daughter) and of course they’re parked right next to me#and I see this mom and dad taking care of their daughter and showing up for her#fuck me I wish I had that growing up#anywayyyyyy#if you want to tip me so I can maybe go to a store and do some retail therapy#I wouldn’t say no#for now idk what I’m gonna do probably end up asleep 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️#shut up rosie
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had a talk with my boss today that was basically “hey this recent bout of covid has put the writing on the wall for me and I can’t do the physical aspect of this job sustainably anymore, can you help me figure out something else, hopefully here at the aquarium cause I don’t want to have to move again and I like working here, or at least can you point me to the person who can help me figure that out” and fingers crossed but here’s hoping I can just land a desk job and still be able to see my birds from time to time
#shhh sharkie#I’m preemptively so upset about this but the reality is I can’t.#I can’t be on my feet all day and I can’t scrub and clean and I don’t trust myself on ladders or with a knife#I can try I know it’s early but even if I get back up to what is my new 100% I can’t do this anymore it’s not gonna work out.#and I’ll be more of a burden than an asset to the team if i’m constantly having to need help to do the basic routine#but i love this team and this aquarium and i don’t want to have to move again so soon#or change workplaces and lose the convenience of my apartment’s location to my workplace#but like truly I can get through about an hour of standing and working on my feet and then i’m exhausted and have to sit down#like I legit took a nap in the office today and boy howdy did I need it#i’m just really sad. I don’t want this to have to end.#I always (jokingly) said that i’ll do animal care until my body tells me I can’t#and my body is telling me I can’t.#fuck this shit. I finally get a decent job and a good role and have some consistency and then wham bam fuck you.
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Upcoming Updates
Hey there my whumpers and Tumblr buddies!! Thought I would give you all a quick run down for my future posting schedule!!
Good news, i will have one again! :D
It’s gonna be equally spirratic as the last one. And HOPEFULLY i will move on from the “once in a pink moon” kinda system I have going on rn.
#I’ve been hyper focussed on school and film#bunch of big exams last week#and a film competition today!#sadly my team (of two) aka my one friend and I got fifth. Which considering the competition it really good#But our other two friends GOT FIRST 😆#it’s been six hours since i got home and I’m still reeling. In a good way#the four of us… idk how to explain it#but you know when you find your people. And stuff just starts to click. And even though u feel the smidge of jealousy and sadness of loss#the feeling of pride and platonic love is just so much deeper. That’s the word. Love. I love Then to Jupiter and back. We hugged for like#6mins. Just chatting. Happy for one another. I was trying not to cry happy tears. 😂#they are moving to provincials in a month! And my friend and I plan to get them ready for it. ☺️#anyways#Casual gem life update#whump community#whump blog#tumblrpost#wtf tumblr#tumblr stuff#tumblr#whump people#Side note: I am incredibly sleeper deprived 😘#competition#started at 7. I was up at 4. And I went to bed last night 11.
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