#my shitposting headcanon

[plisuu]

My decided take on Veilguard is that it's like DA2 - we're getting a story from an unreliable narrator. This time though, we're not getting Varric, the professional, widely published thriller-mystery writer.

It's really just Bellara's amateur friend-fiction.

[boimann]

heavy is the biggest gossip

he pretends to be unintrested and quiet but he is actually secretly listening to everybody else's business, and since his grasp on english is not that strong some members on the team aren't as worried of him overhearing things,

than at the end of the day he goes to the med bay and reports all his findings to medic and the two of them just gossip together while medic performs surgery on heavy until the sun goes down

[gh0stbeeee]

I feel like people don't realize how much of a princess L is lmao

Like sure, Light takes care of himself and can be extremely prissy, but.

L literally hates doing anything "inane." Bro hates walking so much he uses a car to get everywhere, that he doesn't even drive. Ohba literally made one of those joke 4 panels where Watari pushed L around in a baby carriage.

He is so spoiled, so rich, all he does is get sweets catered to him to eat ungodly amounts of sugar while he solves true crime all day while he kicks his feet and giggles

He has the capabilities to do things, but he doesn't want to. And he'll get someone to do it for him. He literally wants to be waited on, and that is something so funny that is extremely underutilized in the fandom. Like, if bro wanted a jar opened, he could do it, sure. But he would 100% just get Light to do it somehow for the convenience.

Also, he needs his super comfy cushioned throne chair to lounge in. He barely sits anywhere else. And all he does half the time is sit, he must hate standing and being on his feet.

Light has probably had to carry him when they were chained. L is lazy and light enough for it.

Bro is a princess fr.

[thermodynamic-comedian]

what i think oiar employees listen to at work:

alice - welcome to nightvale

sam - white noise or r&b playlists

gwen - malevolent

colin - death metal

lena - the scp foundation database

celia - the magnus archives

[gatoburr0]

Wdym this is a totally serious song for their gym playlist

Sound on please

[basil--and--sage]

Reshirement AU, in which Thorin and Bilbo decide to get married and celebrate their stag nights following their respective cultural traditions.

Thorin sits with his family and friends in Bag End and gets his hair braided and himself pampered, while they talk about his hopes and dreams for his upcoming marriage. He blushes frequently.

In the meantime, Bilbo gets cheered on by about 60 of his relatives, while he does a keg stand.

[shelf-of-knicknacks]

More doodles

[aydien677]

Incorrect Quotes part 6.

Mc: "I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone else crash at your place."

Solomon : "You people already know too much about me."

Mc : "I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let anyone but me crash at your place."

Mc: "What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?"

Lucifer : "Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-"

Mammon : "Smad"

Lucifer : "Get out"

Mammon : "In my defense, I was left unsupervised."

Lucifer : "Wasn't Mc with you?"

Mc: "In my defense, I was also left unsupervised."

Mc: "Luci, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?"

Lucifer : "I don’t know, love you, talk to you later"

Mc: "Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Levi"

Mc: "Hey Lucifer"

Lucifer : "Yes?"

Mc: "Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?"

Lucifer :

Lucifer : "Where’s Solomon?"

Mc: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Lucifer : Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Mc: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING MAMMON WITH ME

Simeon, picking up the monopoly board: "I think we’re gonna stop playing now."

Simeon: "Lucifer why?"

Lucifer who just drank 102° black coffee: "You'll know when Luke has his rebellious phase"

[eyes-of-nine]

do I ship them? not really???maybe idk but 1) I needed someone for this to work 2) I do enjoy making LQQ suffer 3) it would be kinda funny ngl

[floralete]

watched evangelion for the first time w some friends recently. good anime

[spacebubblehomebase]

"Applemedia only happens because Alastor's in the middle." 😤

Okay. But have you ever considered: "Cartoons are THE BEST???"✨️

Some would even say: "It scrambles the brain!" 😉

This IS how they started, right???

-Bubbly💙

[boimann]

He just learnt that wanting to spend the rest of your life fighting alongside your close male best friend and keep each other safe while also reveling in the destruction and chaos you cause together and also maybe make out sometimes is not something close platonic friends usually feel for each other :/

[iwikpines]

jonathan sims plays the spooky music when he gets to the dramatic parts in his recordings. this is real

[ratmansbrainrot]

i was just thinking about how whenever there’s an argument against bkdk it’s always “deku is straight” but never “bakugou is straight” because we ALL know that man does not like women. idc if you hc him as aroace or gay or what but there is no way anyone could genuinely believe he would EVER date a girl. like, there isn’t even a closet he’s just standing in the middle of the room confused

[littlecrittereli]

Wk Doodle dump

here are some of the doodles from the lovely requests you guys sent, thank you so much <333 I don't actually know that much about pokemon but my fav gen is black and white so I just drew them with the starters bc i love snivy and oshowatt idk Also more sick Chris doodles because im currently sick (yes again) for the umpteenth time and im going to make him suffer with me...

[basil--and--sage]

Uncle Thorin headcanons nobody can dissuade me from, part 1:

(part 2)

he's a big old softie

whenever he gets up from his armchair he grunts like he is 500 years old (it started the second Fíli was born. Dís was horrified)

in the morning he does that weird dad cough thing

if you want something from him in the evening you better hurry. As soon as he's sitting on the couch for more than five minutes he falls asleep

Speaking of sleeping: he's an excellent nap partner. Just plop down next to him and put your head on his shoulder and have a good nap (he usually wakes up with Kíli snoring on his shoulder)

he keeps bitching about the humidity, because that's what gets you, not the heat!

he spends a fair amount of time at home walking around in a ratty undershirt, an old pair of shorts and tattered slippers he denies owning whenever they come up in a conversation

whenever Fíli and Kíli quarrel (like siblings tend to do) he watches in silence, because when he tries to mediate, both of them unite and turn against the poor fool (=Thorin) stupid enough to interrupt them (at least they are not arguing anymore)

his favourite activity is sitting on a bench with Dwalin, sharing a pipe and staring judgingly at everbody walking past them

he snores like a troll and denies it

at home he looses his pipe constantly

in the morning he spends an hour in the bathroom. He doesn't do anything in there, but it's the only time nobody bothers him. He's incredibly offended, when Fíli wordlessly hands him a bag with dried plums one day

he's not only nearsighted, he also needs reading glasses, which he denies. Coincidentally, he keeps having those weird headaches he can't explain. Don't try to point it out, he won't listen.

(tbc)