#my present self is having a dialogue with my past self. don't mind me

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "I love you because..."

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a love confession for you. it could be a friend, a colleague, someone you help/ed, a family member, your guides or ancestors, your higher self or your present/future partner/spouse. meditate to put yourself in a receiving mode and go check your one, dear soul. enjoy your Valentine's day: whether you feel lonely or not, whether you are in a relationship or not, know that you are deeply loved.

if you rather get a message from your present/future partner/spouse, check my instagram @/psychelis.new

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4

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pile 1

I love you of a quiet pure respectful love, because you're strong and brave and you taught me that struggles can be overcome and new goals can always be reached. You taught me a lot also about love and friendship: maybe you don't know, but I have been going through a very tough situation and finding you/having you near, listening to you, helped me so much. You were (and are) like a dream come true to me. You made me stronger, inspired me and helped me move on with a lot of confidence and hopefulness more, and I'll always be thankful to you for this. I am not sure you know about this, about my feelings, I always look at you from a distance and freeze in awe in front of your kindness and beautiful smile. I would like to approach you and thank you personally but I am not sure you would accept it from me. I am still afraid to be abandoned or to disappoint you but I am sure one day I will be able to change this also thanks to you. One day I will be bold enough and thank you properly. I am working to get ready for that day and have no more fear.

[more symbols/signs: fairytales, children, The Little Prince (the dialogue with the fox in particular), fox, star, comets; could be friend, sb in your same school/job place crushing on you, ex, -online- admirer, childhood friend/crush; I'm getting lot of school-related/young energy, could even be a student if you're a teacher or sth; it seems someone who isn't used to kindness and gentleness/support and bc of this you made them addicted to this side of yours]

song: fetish | selena gomez, gucci mane

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pile 2

I love you because you guide me and give me peace. Your voice is like a tender sound calming my nerves, your words are warm and embracing me anytime I need love. You came up unexpectedly and brought the wind of change with you, a warm tender soft one that caresses me and plays with my hair making me smile of a peaceful smile. Something I could hardly experience before. I love you because you help me feel better and change/grow for the better. You've helped me cleansing from my toxic past and you made me see things from a different perspective. Like in a snap of fingers, everything went from chaos to calm, in my mind and in my heart. You always know what to say to bring me back on my feet, to balance me, and you guide me in every move I take. I am thankful for having you by my side, my true anchor and gentle loving sister soul. Never cease to speak to me, I love listening to your ideas and words, you always sing the most beautiful song in my ears, just for me to listen to.

[more symbols/signs: water, emotions, rain/rainy day, wind, sound, dreamcatcher, weather vane, bells, air signs; possible strong mental/5d connection; could be a soulmate (romantic or platonic), also a colleague or family member/ancestor or your partner's higher self]

song: every breath you take | denmark + winter

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pile 3

I love you because amidst all of the chaos, there you were and still are. I love you cause you always wear a smile and try to keep your joy with you, and share it around. I love you cause of your sweet tender habit to dance and turn around everytime you're happy. I love you for all the beauty you bring with you, even if you cannot see it. I love your regal side and your cute side. I love all the different people you are, especially your curios self, never ceasing to learn more of what's around you (please keep yourself safe). I love how you can lose yourself daydreaming about love and what's next for you, but also how you are so easy to distract... Maybe you should focus more, yes, but who cares? I like to distract you too cause when you notice you always get so pouty and offended with me and that's so very cute. Please try to let go of the past, trust yourself. I know you hurt still, but better things will come and you know it too. Don't let the anxiety/worries take over you, stay confident and trust that all will be great. I will also help you make it so.

[more signs/symbols: crowds, -long time- friend/s, studying together, raincoat, jeans, flirting; feels a classmate or friend -maybe a group of friends-, possibly someone crushing on you; young energy but especially from you here so the person/people could be "older" for some of you]

song: golden hour | jvke

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pile 4

I love you because that's what I was born for. I love you cause that's my duty, to care for you and protect you. But I also love you because you resemble me: you're determined, confident and you work for your dreams. You don't let anything or anyone bring you down and even if you don't feel this way now, I know you have it inside of you. You just need to believe again in all that you really are, you just need to remember who you really are. Let me in, let me help you remember it all. Let me help you give you your power back. We can have it all again, together. Don't let the demons you have learned to live with, govern you: you're the one in charge of putting them back to their place. You're the one able to give yourself all that you want, love included. Take care of you, give yourself breaks and get ready: a lot is in store for us. I'm sorry you have/had to wait so much. Please forgive me.

[more symbols/signs: vinyl, music, nostalgia, dancing, gala, Europe, dresses, castle, deep heart connection; possible past life connection (around 1700-1800 centuries; kingdoms); power couple; possible ex/situationship that now is on hold or future partner/spouse, guides/ancestors/departed pet or higher self; in all honesty the first message I got is the last line I wrote. Much more than the reasons they love you for, they wanted you to know how much they long for you now]

song: in the name of love | bebe rexha, martin garrix

[sophieinwonderland]

At best plurality is akin to a philosophy, or way of life. No way of life is “truth” necessarily, though people tend to believe that their own way is The way. It’s an alternative explanation for natural brain phenomenon. Internal dialogue is normal; however, one can choose to decipher the “other” as separate if that so pleases them. As social beings, having internal dialogues is incredibly useful. They can help broaden one’s perspective of a situation, to see another side. It can also be helpful for brainstorming, in the creative process. And of course, it’s useful from a mental health perspective, such as managing depression or anxiety. I have “voices” in my head all the time. If I’m overly anxious about something, I might tell myself to chill in a manner that isn’t my typical tone or manner, and yes it can appear to come from “outside” me. What my brain is doing is borrowing from its environment. I could of course decide to focus on this “voice” and draw it out as its own separate entity. However, I don’t see the usefulness of that. That’s then living inside my own head, rather than being present in the here and now. I spent my whole youth living inside my head and all that did was isolate me. I find living in the here and working to forge connections with my environment and the people around me brings me a much higher quality of life. Again though, that is me and what makes sense for where I am in this current stage of my life.

It can be dangerous to spread this kind of rhetoric, that plurality is an objective reality, when you have a platform that may attract younger minds not yet fully developed. This way of thinking can create a hinderance in their development. It’s one thing to talk about it as something you experience that helps you. It’s an entirely other to encourage it in hopes of propagating it. The most current research shows, for example, that encouraging the idea of separate identities to clients actually hurts their progress.

First, before we get into the bulk of what you're saying, this blog is a fact first zone. If there is a study out there that has shown empirically that encouraging the idea of separate identities is harmful then I would like to see it and know what methods they used to come to such a conclusion.

So far, internal family systems has been shown to help people. Tulpamancy is shown to help people. And while DID specialists do tend to recommend treating them as parts of one whole person, they also paradoxically want to approach each alter as a separate individual to build up communication between the system.

Many spiritual beliefs that involve speaking to some invisible other have shown positive results as well.

So if you have research showing that people treating different identities as separate is harmful then it's up to you to show it. As of right now I have no reason to take your word for it.

With that out of the way, I really find this whole argument you're making to be pretty... basic.

Despite what you say, I don't think a majority of people actually have multiple autonomous voices in their head. Aside from, perhaps, when they're sleeping. (Whole other can of worms there.)

Having these separate agents with their own memories and senses of self is not nearly a philosophy. It is a psychological phenomenon, and one that occurs cross-culturally. Yes, some cultures will say that it is a spiritual possession, just like an earlier anon mentioned that they used to consider the people they communicate with ghosts. But if you look deeper and get past people's own personal explanations for what they experience, what you will find is a lot of commonality between these phenomena, regardless of whether somebody gives a spiritual or psychological explanation.

At the same time though, this does not seem to apply to everybody. There are singlets out there who are just one person. They may be different in different circumstances as people are. But they don't experience the type of experiences that are described by plurals and wouldn't relate to them.

To reduce plurality to just being a philosophical concept does a disservice to it. Because plurality isn't merely philosophical but has very distinct psychological characteristics and understanding how plurality works might help to solve some of the greatest mysteries about how human brains in general function.

[dee-the-red-witch]

hi so. i'm sorry if you feel like this is something you've talked about too much but i'm genuinely having a hard time understanding- what's the issue with femboys? or is it a finnster-specific issue...? idk i can see how it's an issue of like. performing femininity but not really accepting what womanhood really means but what makes it different from drag in that case? or am i going in the wrong direction trying to understand? i have amab as well as afab ppl in my life that identify as femboys and use it as a loosely-nonbinary term but i also know a couple femboys that are. hm. probably eggs leaning on the term that's less "scary" when it comes to confronting gender, is it about that....?

sorry if this is exhausting for you to discuss i'm just confused and trying to understand

Ok, keep in mind, this is a nonny. Which means I need to treat this with the intent that it's bait. Because that's what fucking happens a lot to folks. So I'm picking my words. 1. Show me where I said I have a problem with femboys in general. Because honestly? No problem with the identity. No problem with the concept. Same with drag, same with Crossdressers, same with sissys. They're all just as valid. What I have a problem with is when people specifically use and abuse things like F1nn5ter's (last I checked, still using he/him pronouns, so that's what I'm using here) use of trap content. Content that gets trans women beaten, abused, exiled, ostracized, and killed on a daily basis to make profit, and does it scot free of any societal penalty, partly because of a massive supporting userbase and fame, and partly because he wasn't out about being a trans woman yet. That right there is where my problem is. People can and should explore, play with, perform, exist in femininity however and whenever they want, but the problem is ONE GROUP OF US KEEPS GETTING PUNISHED FOR IT while the others see far less, if ever. So again, no problem with the femboy identity or femboys in general, but oh yeah, big problems with the difference in treatment. 2. I'm also gonna ask this in return- why am *I* your expert on this subject? Because this happens to so many trans women- we're out, we get seen enough to be noticed, and suddenly we're supposed to be the pillars of the community, delivering Julia Serrano level philosophy, flawless looks, opinions, and knowledge? There's lots of other folks to ask this kind of thing about, why go to the terminally weird, 46-year-old, *OUT AND TRANSITIONING FOR LESS THAN THREE YEARS STILL* writer, artist, leatherworker, and tattooist, who's still VERY clearly in the process of dealing with her own self identification and a lot of past and present trauma, and think I'm going to be the one who's going to give you the perfect answer for this? (lbr, again, so many trans women get quizzed like this, then publicly crucified for saying the slightly wrong thing- see that bit about bait again? because oh yeah, this tactic, intentional or otherwise, has been seen a LOT this year.) Because honestly, there isn't a perfect answer. It's yet another messy human subject because all of us are messy to some extent to begin with. It's never going to have perfect sense or logic. I honestly don't think that it should. Perfect answers tend to not encompass being human answers very well at the same time.

And also, I'm not an expert. Nor should I have to be one. Especially when in my usual fields, I get to charge 50-100 bucks an hour for consulting, and here, I'll be lucky if you kick five bucks in my paypal or gfm in exchange for this. That said, nonny, hope you have a good night. Keep in mind this whole #2 section? Is rhetorical. I'm not expecting a dialogue or reply, and I don't really want one, at least not one with a greyface and shades. If you want to talk more? come off anon.

[streets-in-paradise]

Hope - Clay Miller x Reader

Friday 13th (2009) Oneshot

Warnings: Some cringy dialogue ( let's face it,the group are all cringy stereotypes lol). Allusions to Jason's story and some grim warnings regarding him. I'm also expanding the new rule introduced in the 2009 film, where sense of familiarity with his past not only distracted him but also made him spare a life for a while.

Summary: You are the only person who has given Clay any hope on the desperate search for his sister. Unlike most of the locals he had approached, some mysterious reason keeps you convinced that she could still be alive and on this determination you join forces with him.

Nobody else seems to mind about it and when the blatant disrespect from a tourist really pisses you off, you stand up for Clay giving him a frightening show exposing why he should care.

Tags: @drum-bot-brian

It was weird for Clay to find a self presented volunteer when the entire community was ignoring him, but when you approached him with the missing poster in hand offering your help he felt slightly relieved. At least he wasn’t completely alone and although you were a bit odd, you had a strong will to support him. Looking at Whitney’s picture, you simply stated that she looked like a sweet girl and that could possibly mean she could still be around. When asked about it, you acted as if some intuition based on practical knowledge would be telling you that. You wouldn’t tell him why, but you were convinced that she was still to be found. 

Of course, it was not going to be easy and the shitty attitudes you would find in the way were unnerving. The handsome, soft tempered boy you were following had the patience of a saint, but you wouldn’t stand it. The tone deaf blond guy at the gas station was the moment when you knew you had enough. 

After a very brief argument Clay was just going to leave, but you had other plans.  

“ He will wreck you.” You casually told the stranger in a sinister tone. “ Mock us while you still can, blondie. I believe his sister has a chance ... You? Not so much."

Everyone was weirded, but he thought you were just looking for a fight. 

“ Yeah, I don’t think so.” Was his self satisfying reply. “ You, him and who else?” 

It made you chuckle and you struggled for it not to turn into a full loud cackle.  

“ You aren’t from here, aren’t you? " You followed, giving a few steps closer to him with a weirdly intimidating demeanor. “ People don’t get to be jerks here and walk out harmless, the forest has eyes and its guardian loathes people like you the most..”

The asshole clearly didn't get to fully comprehend the meaning of your words. Still, you managed to creep him and his girlfriend, what was enough vengeance for you. The most inmediate reaction you obtained for Clay was a bit of hard to hide laughing, probably thinking that you were just messing with the guy, but he did capture some underneath intentionality in your strange warning.

He trully thought it was a joke, untill he later referenced it again in a lighter note and your face let him know it wasn't a funny little scheme he should feel thankfull for.

" You don't have to thank me, it's all real. " You cutted him off. " Weird things happen arround here, the kind that nobody would believe. People go missing to never be found and we pretend is not our problem … I need to help you because i really like you and you HAVE to get out from here as soon as possible. "

Your hand was shaking and he held it as as a reassuring gesture before inviting you to continue.

" If you know anything that could make this easier, please share it. "

Your soft look adquired a glimpse of skepticism.

" It doesn't matter. Even if i try to explain you, it would be impossible to make you understand. One does not believe it untill you see it and very few survive to tell the tale. "

He smiled and you couldn't help to internally melt to the softness in his expression.

" I promise i will believe you. Or at least I will do my best, anything that may help me understand would be amazing ríght now. "

The indirectly mocking tone in the last part made you smile back, then you swallowed hard ríght before starting your tale.

" To many persons he can mean different things, but I see him as a guardian of the forest. Not necesarily of the enviromental care type, but we know he hunts down people for doing stupid shit. It's a sort of local legend: a bullied kid who died back in the old summer camp and now remains as an undead watcher of the area. Legend says that once triggered he can't be stopped, but i believe different and that's why i feel your sister could be alive. "

He wasn't getting it, but kept himself loyal to the promise and didn't question you. His guess was in myth and reality mixing up to end up covering the activity of a serial killer whose victims were attributed to the legend by the locals.

One way or another, it wasn't the hopefull take he once expected.

" What made you think that? Besides from an obvious bias coming from your interest in me."

You felt a bit embarrased, but it didn't ruined your disposition to continue.

" I believe he is capable of sparing a life only when coming across things he finds familar. I saw it happening with my own two eyes. "

It wasn't easy, but you had to tell him the truth.

" Back in highschool I wanted so badly to belong, to feel how was like to be a part of something. I was hanging out with people who just wanted to make fun of me, fooling myself into believing someday i could be friends. "

You began to cry, pausing for an instant untill the sobbing would be slow enough to allow you finish.

" … They are gone and i'm still here. Common sense would be thinking i just hid myself well, i fooled him. I didn't, i can't help thinking he just pretended not to spot me. The pathetic, lonely, bullied looser must have have hitted close to home. "

You hugged him out of sudden and he didn't protest about it. Of all the weird things you said, he only understood you were admitting to be the only survivor of a massacre.

" Your sister seems like a lovely girl. If i'm still breathing, you can count there is hope for her. "

He had no words that could possibly express any processing of what you just told him, but trully appreciated the deep comfort of your embrace.

[doylldonmagar]

Heyyyy i saw your post about writing your daydream to cope with maladaptive daydreaming. Do you have antimite tips that your therapist gave u ? ( cause therapy is kinda expensive for me right now)

Thanks <3

Hey, thank you for reaching out, I'm genuinely really glad you did. I'm afraid I'm not a great resource for this, honestly. Soon after that post I quit the job that provided therapy, so I don't have much more to offer. But I'll give you all of the things that I remember from therapy in case it can serve you!

(Assuming you're trying to stop disassociating,) look out for triggers. What makes you switch from being present to daydreaming?

When you initially notice you've switched to daydreaming, try to stop. This sounds obvious, but I've had to really keep it in mind, and there's usually a reason you switched to daydreaming (for me its usually anxiety or a lack of stimulation) and going back to reality isn't what your mind wants, so try to have something you are switching to. For instance, when I try to become present again, I usually start describing an object I see, and sometimes I shift to describe everything I'm experiencing, so all of the senses, things I'm seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling. And then once you're in the moment, then you can more easily switch to being actually in the moment as in conversations, etc, not just aware of reality but also a part of it. (Describing objects also helps with anxiety and spiraling, if you struggle with that)

Keeping a record of your daydreams can help if you are replaying a lot or if you have a story you are interested in building.

Setting aside time to daydream can help. It sounds counter intuitive, but if you stop yourself from daydreaming other times and say no I'm gonna daydream at 3 till 3:30, then when that time comes you daydream and then you stop yourself. This can build up self control and can break the urge to daydream whenever.

Trying to keep your mind occupied can help. If you daydream while you fold laundry, then maybe try playing music or a podcast or an audiobook and try to stay focused on it.

Doing yoga, or journaling, or something aimed at practicing awareness (physical, emotional, etc) can really help. Even stuff like spending 5 minutes describing everything I see and hear and feel can really help. A big part of getting away from MADD is just training your mind to be able to focus on the present.

Ultimately, what I've found is that maladaptive daydreaming is really just an addiction. And it's a coping mechanism. If you can find what you're coping with and can find a healthy way to deal with it, or find a way to cut it from your life, both are good options, but neither will necessarily stop the disassociation. If an addiction is narrowing activities you enjoy down to the one thing, then the way to break it is to find more outlets, more things you enjoy. If you have hobbies you don't do anymore, or things you used to be interested in, pursuing those can be good. Finding other things you enjoy doing can be super helpful.

On writing: (I didn't get this from therapy, just personal experience) it might help to write down everything from past daydreams that you remember (I personally would get really caught up in trying to remember all of the things. I had been daydreaming for about 5 years when I started writing, so I was trying to remember a lot. And I did forget a lot.) if you have a timeline, feel free to type it up. I write it down almost every time it comes up. I'll have clips of dialogue running in my head and I'll pull out my phone and type it up. Same goes for if I have a plot idea. I write it down to explore it later during the time I set aside for it. If I'm scared I'll forget it, then it runs over and over in my mind and it takes up time, and I don't want that. If I want to explore it, finish the scene, then I'm committing more time, and I don't want that. So it really helps me to cut it short by writing it down.

I'll add more to this list if I think of anything. Hopefully this helps in some way, feel free to reach out again! I tried to highlight my main ideas, sorry if it's distracting but I thought with so much text, it might be easier to skim.

<3

[akolnoix]

I've been following for a bit and I was wondering about your p4 au(?)/rewrite that you have going on honestly seeing you p4 posting has been making me think about it a lot more recently. Also you have a lovely art style!

thank you! it's honestly nothing very concrete, just an assortment of musings that i play around with in my mind for fun... might as well post some of my ramblings (apologies that it's long and a mess)

-im kinda obsessed with trying to make accomplice ending work? the ending itself in p4g is pretty great (seeing the "yu has forged a bond that cannot be broken" text you get for max social link is sooooo good) and fits thematically, it's just that it has like NO proper buildup to it to make it feel even remotely plausible.

so i'm thinking you'd have to really go out of your way to get it. like in addition to maxing out adachi's SL, you can't advance any other characters' SL past like rank 3 or something early on, and you have to select certain dialogue options (like the original game has so many mean/detached responses you can pick to be a dickhead lol), you have to refuse optional hangouts with your friends. and Then you have to choose to not reveal him. so through consistently refusing to truly connect with/care about the people around you, the protag can somewhat reach a similar worldview to adachi, and conceivably relate to him.

-izanami brings up the tv world also being a product of outside perception, but the actual implementation of it in the game feels messy and often like it's just there as a way to give reason for the shadows desiring transgressive things for shock value without committing to them being real aspects of the characters (like, how kanji's shadow is extremely stereotypically gay not just in mannerisms but in overtly showing interest in men, but in kanji's acceptance+future appearances they make sure to assert that the real kanji is not actually gay)

so i've been kinda toying with the idea that instead of the shadows as presented in p4, there would be like multiple fractured shadows in conflict? like i think it would be neat to play more off the tension between how the characters are perceived by the town vs their repressed selves, idk

-i've been turning naoto's arc around in my head a lot over the years... like the easiest thing to do would be transplant the existing (attempted) narrative to a trans woman naoto. but i also want to do right by canon naoto, who sees himself as a man, desires to be one, only gives up on that because he believes he can't become one, and gets treated like dogshit by the narrative for it. so lately i've drifted to the harder challenge of working out the logistics to make a satisfying+believable arc for trans man naoto. i've got concepts but i don't have enough worked out in this regard yet to talk about here.

-im autistic and rise has always read as such to me, so i'm being self-indulgent and making that an overt aspect of her arc. i grew up subconsciously masking my autism, and it wasn't until i experienced autistic burnout just after graduating highschool that i discovered just how much of myself i had been suppressing, and how much was constructed. it was like i had never known my true self until age 18, or noticed just how badly that repression hurt me.

so um. you might say i saw a lot of myself in rise. she's got a slightly different scenario, but still a pretty autistic one. a child with no friends because everyone thinks they're strange, who decides to learn how to be Normal in hopes of obtaining any human connection. but because she can't be herself, the connections she does make don't feel genuine. her becoming an idol specifically is really fantastic thematically, a career all about commodifying not just your body or talents but your very personality, for a girl highly manufactured on every level to appear Normal.

for the brief period you see her in person before her shadow, rise practically has a flat affect and monotone, with everyone commenting on how different she is from her idol persona, and i'd like to actually retain that as an aspect of her character. i'd like to shift her arc to being about relearning that aspect of herself, and allowing herself to be that. even if just among friends. her idol persona is still part of her (she made it after all, and it can be useful), but she was harming herself by thinking it was all she should be.

i've always hated her going back to being an idol (especially the way they executed it ugh) but it might be nice if she stuck with music...

-yosuke internalized homophobia arc is a gimme

-naturally a major aspect is in the differences btw a playthrough as yu narukami vs femc. as an ex-delinquent she experiences more hostility from the general populace and dojima. oh and i don't care for super self-inserty protags so yu and masami have more established personalities+history+etc.

i imagine the narukami sibling dichotomy is that yu tries to be perfect and masami intentionally disappoints (opposite attention-seeking responses to their ambiguously distant parents), and in their trip to inaba yu takes the opportunity to let loose, while masami reigns in the delinquent behavior (because dojima will actually react to what she does). and they both benefit from the power of friendship etc etc

-sometimes i enjoy daydreaming about a "cross-dressing" sequence that's actually fun. where the crew hang out in yu's room or something and try on each other's stuff for fun. and chie gets a buzz cut

-while it's very true that women can be bigots, that p4 claims that kanji would think that men are more accepting of gender nonconformity in men than women is something just. utterly detached from reality. it makes more sense that he thought there was no possibility of acceptance from boys so he never tried, but he thought there was a chance with girls but was rejected by them too, so he distances himself from everyone.

and i think kanji can be gnc AND gay. for many people there is a real fear of stereotype, of reinforcing them, but that repulsion is misplaced. stereotypes are bad when they are used to dehumanize, but to be a effeminate gay man, a fat butch lesbian, a trans woman with a beard, are not bad things to be. and i think it'd suit kanji to have that sort of conflict, and metatextually to take those aspects of canon that were so negatively presented and transform them

and i think it would suit his love of cute things to eventually start dressing cutesy.

-i've definitely got more in my brain i could say or i forgor but this post is long enough

[mdhwrites]

Have you seen the new HSR short, Rondo Across Countless Kapas? Got any thoughts? 👀

From an animation and sapphic perspective? HOLY FUCK! Absolutely gorgeous and I think what it's doing with Acheron is really interesting, even if it's essentially purely through visual storytelling. You could have the sound off and get everything interesting about the short.

Turn the sound on and you get the part I have a problem with: I'm kind of done with the Memokeeper. Not Black Swan, just the memokeeper element of her. I'll get into it soon but for those who haven't seen it, enjoy one of the best dances I've ever seen.

So what is my issue with the dialogue? Well, it's that Penacony has this problem of people getting into kind of grand speeches on a subject, even potentially mundane ones. Aventurine is always going on about power dynamics and hinting at his plan (this leads to the fucking god awful self quoting of like two paragraphs from himself at the end of 2.0), Sparkle is constantly using these big speeches to belittle people or mock them and Black Swan...

Black Swan is talking about memories. I'm not even against these monologues or the like but Black Swan has been in a LOT of marketing materials at this point and they ALL use her memokeeper element and very little of her fortunetelling element, usually only using the latter to emphasize the former in some way. It's just gotten very repetitive to me. Worse yet is that owning Black Swan AMPLIFIED this problem because it's more kind of mysterious, kind of not talk of dreams and the universe and memories and past that a lot of the rest of the big dialogue from her is. I want her to stop being so dramatic and be more personable, at least for a little while.

This isn't even me calling Black Swan a bad character. There is genuinely more to her with how playful she can be or how she is the best manipulator on Penacony so far because she can figuratively be two faced, something Sparkle needs literal shapeshifting powers for and Aventurine can't do to save his life, which the same goes for Himeko. She also sells the best though that she's genuinely a good person who just is willing to get her hands dirty but it is up to interpretation (honestly kind of frustratingly so. I don't like that I can't actually say a ton about each Penacony character so far due to their attempts at duplicity meaning fuck you on concrete characterization besides your flavor of manipulator. No, backstory does not count as characterization either.)

Edit: This could definitely also just be a me thing at this point. I rewatched it and not a lot of it is spent on talking about the past or memories. Black Swan is still playing up the mysteries of Penacony, something that I'm also getting a bit tired of, but she doesn't actually have many lines on memories themselves. It's just somehow kind of stuck in my brain for some reason this element of her being over represented and so it's what my brain ended up focusing on.

Let's end this on a positive though. Star Rail is normally not good at mysteries but the fact that Acheron genuinely seems disconnected from her Emanator state, when she draws the blade, is deeply interesting to me. It even fits within my theory, that we'll find out the truth on soon, that Acheron is an Emanator of Nihility. Speaking of, hi VERY explicitly to Ix within the violence montage. There is no way of getting around the fact that one of those sketches was of them front and center.

And from a dramatic standpoint, I love the presentation. The fact that bringing them up while clearly trying to get extra information out of Acheron, to have her mind have to go there so Black Swan could more easily grab the memories she might lie about, only for her to get fucked up like she does is INCREDIBLE. The fact that Acheron is so sincere in her confusion afterwards only adds to the horror of it all.

I... Am mixed on her knowing who they were. I frankly would love it if because the statement is the Annihilation Gang, not the Everflame Manor, that when she goes "Oh, right, those guys..." She's actually talking about the dumbasses from this destruction cult, since Duke Inferno isn't the only part of it, that got Aha's help to try to kill Ix. It'd be a way for them to have their cake and eat it too that I think fits better than the girl with eternal memory issues to suddenly actually remember killing them all.

Overall, I do like the animated short. If I were to just think of it in a vacuum, I even like Black Swan's dramatic narration. It's a good flourish to the action, explains what's going on well enough and her calm narration provides great contrast from when EVERYTHING gets fucked. My hangups are entirely a weird thing that's just kind of getting to me about Penacony and I'm not entirely sure if I expect it to get better or worse come 2.1.

I just know that thanks to my tax return (I did not spend all of it on Star Rail, don't worry) and knowing the top up refresh was happening, I did spend a good amount and am guaranteed to get Acheron, even if it takes 160 pulls like it took for Black Swan..., and I am looking forward to playing with her.

Just with tempered expectations.

======+++++======

And final note for those maybe hoping for it: I haven't been inspired by this short to write AcheSwan. I frankly wish I knew why I didn't get inspired by Star Rail more for my writing.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[umbracirrus]

for the fanfic asks, D (for The Perfect Storm), F, G, and O!

Hi Bishop!!

I've already answered D - I have trouble associating songs and playlists with fics, but if anything I would say Dragonsreach from the Skyrim soundtrack would probably be suitable given how much of the fic is based there 😅

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Ooh! This is a bit of a long one, but it is absolutely my favourite piece of dialogue! It's from chapter 17 of The Perfect Storm.

 She stayed sat as she was for a few moments, before bringing her cup to her lips then placing it down with a sigh. "A few things. The least concerning of which being that you are apparently afraid of the Thalmor, but honestly…" Elyse frowned. "A lot of people are. I certainly am. But what worried me more… is that he said that you worship Talos, and-" Her fingers tapped against the cup, slowly and rhythmically from her little finger to her index, as she winced. "That you agree with the Stormcloaks.” The way in which she acted as she said that sentence almost felt like a dagger in Balgruuf’s gut. The slight cracks in her voice, the watery look in her eyes, and her body tensing up. She looked to be on her guard. And no wonder... Her volatile relationship with Ulfric no doubt made her worry when support for the Stormcloaks was raised. It must have made her worry for days. He folded his arms over, then shook his head. He didn't want her believing that she needed her guard up around him too – that was the exact opposite of what he wanted, which was for her to know that he and Whiterun were a place for her that she could feel safe, so he decided to tackle what appeared to be bothering her the most first. “I do not agree with what the Stormcloaks are doing. There are better ways to achieve their aims than dragging Skyrim into war. Than... using the death of the High King to tear the country asunder,” he stated with a frown, doing his best not to imply that Torygg’s death was either murder or justified, just as he would do when handling audiences through the day. “But I do agree with the concept of a united Skyrim. Where it isn’t brother against sister, neighbours pitted against each other in pointless war. I just don’t believe that either side of the war have the power to do that as things stand. It is why Whiterun is neither, and believe me when I say that I weigh up the options on a daily basis...” Elyse looked at him silently, processing his words, before her shoulders dropped, just slightly. “And what of Ulfric?” “Ulfric and I... have history. But that is where it remains – in the past. We were even friends at a time, but I do not think that such a label could be considered now," he muttered, a twinge of painful nostalgia coursing through his mind. He remembered being a young lad, probably no more than six or seven years old, standing to the side of his father as a man he had only heard being referred to as a bear approached the throne of Dragonsreach. There had been another boy with the bear, a few years older than he was, possessing determined eyes matching that of his older self. That was the first of many times they had met, and from that day forth, a friendship – a kinship – had been stoked… And now they were Jarls, and very little from those days remained. Between that day and the present, there had been wars, loss, imprisonment, rebellion… and not a single one failed to have an impact on that once-strong bond. "Not any longer." A blanket of silence fell over them once more, until she finished what remained of her drink before pouring herself some more. "I'm… sorry. For if my conflict with him has contributed to that in any way." "Don't be. Things have been strained since long before you set foot in Skyrim."

I just adore this scene from the moment I started writing it, because I had been wanting to draw in on Balgruuf's previous relationship with Ulfric and how it had changed over the years to reach the point that the two of them were close to being in conflict. And I just really like the dialogue in the last three paragraphs which touch upon it. Elyse didn't know the nature of what had happened in the past between the two jarls for it to reach the tensions of the present, but now she has a clearer picture and has some reassurance that for the most part, it wasn't her fault.

It just felt like an incredibly candid scene and to me, at least, I liked the impact that it gave.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I have a preference for writing start to finish, because I like having things contained in one document... but have a tendency to write things out of order in far too many separate documents. For example, I've already written Elyse and Balgruuf's wedding - they aren't even together yet in what I've written so far for The Perfect Storm, and won't be for a while!!

I have around 50 documents for The Perfect Storm alone because of this. About 20 are concepts I've messed around with or things I removed from the fic, another 20 are things which I wrote out of sequence but did add or will be added eventually, then a good handful of other miscellaneous documents (such as a few oneshots, some AUs, and stuff I very likely won't post).

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

I suppose it depends on how I get the idea for a story. A lot of the time, it stems from having a few pieces of dialogue and a vague idea in relation to it in my mind and it develops from there. This is what happened with The Perfect Storm - I started messing about with the concept of a Balgruuf/Dragonborn fic based around the context of the Dragonborn doing something stupid and there being a conversation afterwards which goes:

“Promise me that you will never be so reckless again. Trap a dragon again by all means, but do not put yourself in such danger.” “Is that an order, my Jarl?” “No. Take that as a request from a man who worries far too much about your safety and wellbeing.”

And the plot just kind of developed from there, with Elyse being the Dragonborn which I thought fit best based on what I had for her as a character at the time... Though I don't even think that this dialogue will even be in the end fic, but it is what stoked the idea!

Sometimes though, I'll come up with a character, then the plot falls around them. This is very much the case with my Oblivion fic, I came up with Florian and Drissa as my heroes of Kvatch, then the plot kind of started to develop around them - even though it is mostly just the likes of the Oblivion main quest (up until reaching Cloud Ruler Temple for both of them then Florian after, until the last few quests where it is both of them again) and the Dark Brotherhood questline (just Drissa).

[malaysianpeanut]

My new Overwatch fanfic titled Closure! The drawing is just temporary until I can make a proper cover art for it xD

Link to story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52154845/chapters/131916979

I was motivated again after watching the new animated short with Reaper, Sombra and Mauga. This story has been on my mind a while and I finally put it in writing. And it didn't take me too long so that's good. Hahaha.

It's a continuation of my previous fanfic, Reunion: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32760910/chapters/81282286

The whole story from Reunion to Closure can basically be summed up as this:

Gabriel Reyes, on his last year in Overwatch before the inevitable incident that brought the organization down, was unfortunately tasked with having a former Talon soldier as a subordinate in Blackwatch. During his time with her and with some mishaps during their mission, he had learned about her painful past as a test subject for human experiments in Talon, where she was part of a program to develop bioweapons in the form of a human. After developing a connection with the girl and parting ways with her, many years had passed and many things had happened. In present day, Reyes is now Reaper, working for the very enemies he had sworn to take down during his time in Overwatch. On a mission with other members of Talon to retrieve a target as part of a recruitment into their organization, he discovered that the girl was the target and was forced to face someone from his past who was the last person he had wanted to reveal his present self to.

This is a personal passion project, might I say a little self-insert. But I'm glad I'm able to develop this story more throughout the years. I don't particularly write much on the details of the scene, moreso focusing on the dialogue.

[bougainvillea-and-saltwater]

Writerly Thumbprint Challenge!

I was tagged by the lovely @blossom-adventures (thank you, thank you, thank you!) to do this challenge: the rules are to look back to a work, both past or present, finished or unfinished, and point out five (or more) narrative elements, themes, topics, or tropes, that continually pop up in this work!

I haven't written before, so I'll do this for The Priest and the Dragoness, the fic I'm currently writing!

Descriptive prose. I love writing meticulous descriptions of everything—surroundings and emotions—as well as using similes, metaphors, or even a bit of poetic language. I usually have vivid images of a particular scene in mind, so I do my best to imprint those with words and to give away a similar evocative vibe to the readers. Honestly, I know that intense descriptions aren't everyone's cup of tea, and may go skip skip skip to dialogues instead, but each one has their own inspirations and style, right?

Angst (with a happy ending). I like exploring trauma and generally sensitive themes in my story. Angst resonates better with me as a writer and person, and besides that, I think that giving each one of my characters flaws, a tragic background, and harsh challenges along their journey, but knowing that in the end, they will get what they deserve, is so so fulfilling for me—I mean, this combination of intense emotional exploration and an eventual satisfying resolution? My catnip!

Foreshadowing. OUGH. My absolute favorite writing technique from when I was in middle school and studied the Odyssey. This whole back-and-forth of a phrase or event that's being said or described in some earlier chapter (sometimes a seemingly insignificant one) and suddenly, unexpectedly gets confirmed many many chapters later in a MAJOR significance and importance, having you gawking at the wall like "Wait...WAIT. 😮👀", is very present in TPATD. You just have to read behind some lines...

References. TPATD has tons of references in almost every chapter. My favorite ones are from GoT, but I have sprinkled my story with lots of The Witcher and LotR inspiring quotes too, and generally, I like bringing themes from real life into the fic, such as songs or poems rephrased. And I adore it when a reader recognizes them and comments on them. My day gets always better!

An emotionally vulnerable male protagonist. Another catnip of mine—male characters who fluster before their counterparts, who stutter and tremble from all their longing and passion, who don't know precisely and like pros how to touch and caress, kiss and make love. I ADORE them. That's why I try to interpret Miraak as such—despite his pathetic attempts to hide it, his vulnerability towards Jia speaks volumes.

Soulmate & hurt comfort themes. I put these together because I think TPATD is full of both. I personally love the deep and profound emotional bond between two lovers more than the carnal one; that's why I chose the soulmate theme between two characters that are the First and the Last mortal carriers of dragonsouls, so what's more fitting than that? And here comes the hurt/comfort theme too—feeling each other's emotions as if they're own, as if they come from them, and comforting their counterpart's respective pain, because who can be your better comfort than a person who feels like a part of your own self, who feels your distress in their own soul?

Okay, I think that's all, but if something more comes to my mind I may return to this...😇

I'm going to leave this open, tagging each pair of eyes seeing this and wanting to do it! 🥰

[k-white]

hello peeps!

I am finally making my personal interpretation of the songs in the playlist Jojo made for OF and how I think they relate to the characters

So I put on my investigation glasses and listened to the songs wile reading the lyrics to be sure of the meaning of the song(I did this for now only for the english songs cuz spotify doesn't give you a translation but only the lyrics written in the characters for that language like a thai songs lyrics are in thai and a english one in english so I would have to look up a translation wich I will try to do but for now only english)

Mind you this relates to the trailer and as we know mock trailers are just an overall presentation for the series and might change! and also this is subjective to me!

The order in wich I am doing this is the order in wich I listened to them

Here they come:

-Memories by Conan Gray- Listening to this I got the feelings it relate the most to Mew and Top, it doesn't fit the other characters and how their relationships where presented, Mew loving top but having to let go of him because of the hurt Top put him trough and Top being selfish and clinging to Mew making him unable to move on, could relate to San and Ray in a way but San feels more strongwilled and less prone to wallow in sadness and self pity!

-Who'd have known Lily Allen- this could relate to Mew, San and even Nick so here the reason: the first one is kinda obvious but the others less so, for San the "are you mine?" could be he asking himself and I say this thinking back on San and Ray and how he says he doesn't want to be one of the choices, for Nick it looks like he has feelings for Boston but the relationship they have is more of the just phisical type but he wants more, and in a way both San and Nick pararrel eachother tho it is debatable that this is a much more softer and sweeter song and it would suite Mew and his more idealistic and naive views on love and sex and how he wants a "real" relationship

-Can you love me tonight? KAIRO- this one was trikier, I felt like it could refer to both Top and Ray, but by the end it felt more like Ray than Top, and it felt like it could be meant to both Mew and San, like in 2 different stages of Rays life: at the beginning It was meant for Mew even if the song implies a past relationship it still a song about being loved by smeone that seems to not want to tho as time passes it shift to San, and specifically in a period where they are not together cuz Ray couldn't realize his feelings and San left but he realize after loosing him that he is in love but it's too late but he still wants San to love him but it's too late, I wrote this a wile back and I do still stand by the idea that this could be very much so be Ray but it does fit a lot for Top as well cuz we know he is gonna screw up with Mew so him wondering if Mew can love him still after he screwd up can fit the song

-Somebody that I used to know Gotye Kimba- NOT THIS SONG🤣 the most overplayed song ever! I still like it tho... ok so! This is a dialogue between 2 people that used to date and had a major fallout and I don't think it refers to none of the couples(no RaySan and MewTop tho they could in a way fit as well but to me the sock doesn't fit that well) we see in the trailer other than Boston and Top: Boston relates to the Gotye part and Top relates to the Kimba part, and I feel like this is after Top starts dating Mew and Boston gets jelous and bitter about loosing someone he had a pull over, so Boston playing kind of the victim and still being hung up on Top but Top just wanting out from it; but It could also fit with relationships that wheren't shown in the trailer, but thaks to Jojo we got a relationships chart for the characters and got shown that San is more connected to the other characters than we originally thought, so this song could refer to San and Nick or San ans Top tho I cam only speculate who each characters relate to on the duet Gotye or Kimba? I feel like San could be the one still holding on the the others and that influences how he feels about being "just one of the choices"

-Be my Mistake 1975- Ok this is a BostonTop song! like come on! what else could it be? "you make me hard but she makes me week"? This literally fit the narrative of Top hooking up with Boston wile he is dating Mew, falling in love with the second but still sleeping with the first! nobody else fit this come on!

-You know I am no good Amy Winehouse- this could be Boston to Nick, they have something going on between them but he still sleps with other people and they both know it, cuz I don't feel like this fit with Mew And Top cuz clearly the fact that Top was still having sex with Boston was a secret, and for San and Ray... San does seem to be involved with others either romantically or sexually but we still don't know if it's a past thing or present and if we go with what he says to Ray about not wanting to be one of the choices... I don't know if he would go and hook up with others and be open about it but he could be a huge hipocrite for what we know, anyway my best bet is BostonNick

-Traitor Olovia Rodrigo- this one I feel like is the one song that is up to the most interpretations! The obvious one San about Ray and his feelings for Mew even if Ray and Mew never start something cuz the line between them is onesided, or Boston about Top starting a relationship with Mew and Boston being bitter about it, Mew fit the least this song cuz it is about your lover leaving you for a friend and less about Cheating so his storyline with Top doesn't fit that well cuz we know Top is probably gonna cheat on him with Boston and Mew is gonna dicover probably the hard way...Tho I do have a little treat tho it is a stretch but hear me out! Ray about San leaving him for Nick! Ray wasn't able to admit his feelings for San so this decided to ask Nick to pretend to be his new lover to make Ray jelous and realize he loves San! And make Boston jelous as well! This are probably catles in the sky but it is fun to imagine!

-Take me Home Jess Glynne- Always liked this song a lot! it's a sad and beautiful song about vulnerability and a person relying on someone else in the moment of need when they are at their lowest... so the only ones that resonate to me with this song are Ray and San to be honest... I don't know but they feel like they are the most lost and broken in the group and they just need to find their confort and maybe they will help eachother in that sense, being there for each other during their worst moments taking confort in oneanother, the others don't really fit here maybe the only other one is Top refering to Mew

-Anti-Hero Taylor Swift-(finally learned where the "I'm the problem it's me" audio came from! in my defense I don't listen to Tswift!) Ok this to me is both Ray and Boston, if I think about it Mew is probably the only genuine person in this whole shit show of a friend group and he snaps only when he reache dhis limit, San feels like he is headstrong and take no shit but isn't the nicest person, Top and Nick live their lives for themselves tho not really making up a front to please others so Ray and Boston I feel fit the AntiHero vibe! For Ray it's about how he lives his life but also how his relationship with San develops, and how he goes about life masking his actions as genuine wile he has ulteriors motives, like with Mew, he acknoledge his flaws and but basically does nothing to get better, and Boston as well he plays the part of the good helping friend for Mew but on the sides still sleeps with Top and he also does nothing to be a better person, tho I feel at the end Ray could came out of this whole story as a better person tho Boston on the other hand I feel could end up burning himself.

-Kill Bill SZA- I don't wanna even think about the implication this song could have lol! like I hope it is taken in a more metaphorical sense and a character has so much unbrideld hate and rage torwards his ex that he imaging killing him but never really doing it... I hope... tho it would be a cool twist, we saw violence and killing in bls before but the context was VERY different!

-abcdefu Gayle- well this could basically be any character like: Mew, San, Nick even Boston! refering respectively to: Top, Ray, Boston and Top again! it is such a fun song! I can imagine the betrayed ones singing it to the betrayers! It could be a fun scene if the wunded ones sang it wile drunk to the others!

Drunk Text I am pretty sure people on twitter said something regarding this song and how it applied to Ray if I am not mistaken I have no way to check so we'll never know🤷🏻‍♀️ so here my interpretation: This for me represent both Ray and San! Ray and his feelings for Mew how he is safe and confortable in their friendship but he's in love with Mew and he hopes Mew cpuld feel the same that maybe if he was braver and risked it he could be with him, for San it's about Ray and how he is starting to have feelings for him but they are still just sex friends and he knows Ray loves Mew but he started to be more boyfrendy with San blurring the lines, bonus points if this also could be a drunk Ray crushing at Sans appartament after a night out and spit out all his feelings for Mew to San too drunk to realize!

-Drunk Ed Sheeran- Mmm I am uncertain about this song🤔 this could be Ray about Mew but before he meets San, or San about past relationships before he meets Ray, it could also refer to drugs and not just alchool cuz from the trailer we know drugs are involved in the boys lifes, tho it could also refer to Top if he and Mew have a fight and they split up he could be drawning his sorrows in alchool and drugs cuz he feels guilty for being the reason of their break up but it's hard to be a better person(also Top is the only character that we actually see take pills pointing to a possible addiction)

Ok I am gonna stop here for now cuz this is already waaaay too long and I had already did them and I still have half of the playlist to do so I will do a part 2!

[manyothermusingsofmine]

Tale Of Midnight Blues || Drabble

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3   Wordcount: 2957 Warnings: mentions of bullying, tiefling bigotry, and a toxic relationship Summary: Astarion is new to this whole "caring about someone's emotions" thing, so the best way to practice is to try and prod Willow about her past

AN: I really wanted to work in the dialogue of "where were your parents in all of this, Willow?" "Oh, please, my parents would trade me for Karlach in a heartbeat." but I couldn't find a proper way to do it. However I wanted to mention it anyway since it explains so much about the BFF dynamic Willow and Karlach have

-------------------------------------------- As much as he didn't like it when the sun sank below the horizon, Astarion had to admit that the sunset was rather pretty. Shades of oranges painted the sky as he turned the pages of the book he was reading, goblet in hand that he occasionally sipped some wine from. Others in the camp were mingling, telling stories of their past or silly little jokes they heard from somewhere long ago.

Music filled his sharp ears, no matter that it was faint, distant... and not coming from a direction he expected it to come from. He looked up from his book, only to then realise that Willow was indeed not present among the people telling each other stories and memories.

A small, somewhat annoyed sigh left him when this realization hit. He really didn't like it when Willow decided to wander off on her own; the tiefling bard had an uncanny ability of getting herself into trouble whenever she decided to split up from the group.

Finding her was as easy as following his hearing, the music he followed slowly intensifying even if she wasn't playing all that loud; it didn't matter. Being both an elf and a vampire, it would take far more than to hide from Astarions sense in that regard.

He found her near a small, self-made campfire on the river bed, playing away on her lute in a matter that sounded a lot like just regular practice or.. did it? Tilting his head, Astarion listened closer. She was singing in a dialect of Infernal, so he couldn't understand what she was saying, but... that didn't mean he didn't hear the sorrow and melancholy of the lute.

He waited for the song to be done, before softly applauding in order to get her attention.

"Marvelous, darling," he chimed, trying not to sound too sarcastic about it because it did sound nice.

"But would you mind not sneaking off without telling anyone where you're going? You seem to have a knack of stumbling head first into trouble when you do."

Willow just looked at him, unimpressed.

"What, you don't enjoy running to my aid only to then chastise me for being dumb about my decisions? I thought that was a hobby of yours at this point."

Astarion couldn't help but feel a little smirk coming up at the sass he received. He did rather enjoy it when she bit back a little, showed some back bone when he had really been thinking she was nothing but a big push over when they first met.

"Anyway, what are you doing around here by your lonesome? You should be at camp, being the life of the party; you're the bard, after all."

Somehow, that comment seemed to completely miss its mark. For a split moment, he saw her flinch, clutching the lute a little closer to herself. And for once in his life, he hadn't meant it as some sort of jab. He would've been way nastier if it had to be a jab.

".... Willow?"

No response. She just focused on the lute, now playing what were definitely little practice loops of a happy, upbeat tune. Almost as if she was faking it.

Astarion kept silent, before rather dramatically sauntering over and sitting down beside her. His ears flicked back a little as for he wasn't sure how to phrase what he felt like he needed to ask.

".... What's on your mind?"

That seemed like a good way to ask. It was a very Gale way of asking, mayhap, but the wizard always seemed to have a way of asking about someone’s day that made people eager to talk. Therefor, it was a good strategy to mimic

"A tadpole."

... Or, maybe not. Not when it came to her. Astarion looked at Willow, frowning as she just gave him a deadpan look in return. This was hard enough without her leaning into the general banter and push and pull thing they had going. In that silence, as he looked in the flaming green eyes she had, he suddenly understood why it was so hard to truly connect. Gods, had he really not seen it before now, how she drew up a wall of airy, light humor and jokes whenever someone got too close for comfort?

".... You know," he started, keeping an eye on her as she turned back to strum on the lute a little bit, "For what it's worth, the group we're in knows most of everyone's backstories, save a few details that people don't wish to repeat for a myriad of reasons."

Himself included. He shook the thought away.

"Well, anyone; but you. All I know is that you got involved with this Nephamor-"

The way she suddenly halted her play was cacophonic at best, and Astarion flinched at the sharp sound of it hitting his sensitive ears. Silence fell between the two, as Astarion finished the sentence in his head but refrained from speaking it aloud. That he didn't even know much about her dealings with this tiefling sorcerer other than that the guy had been enough of a bastard that Willow had wanted him dead. And succeeded.

He looked at her from his peripheral view, going back and forth between that and watching as the river lazily continued its path down the valley.

"Do you..."

Gods, he had no idea how to ask about this. It wasn't exactly like he was used to asking anyone about their past in an open conversation. He either guessed what happened, or got his intel in some other- he grimaced at the memory.

"Uhm..." he muttered, trying to get a hold of himself again. Honestly at this point he much rather heard her story than have some memory flare up in his mind of nights he desperately wanted to actually forget.

"Do you... want to talk about it?"

The silence returned, lingering thick between them as Astarion mentally kicked himself and was almost ready to get up and go back to camp, considering it a mission failed-

"It's not exactly some grand tale fitting of a Bard," Willow mused, setting her lute to the side and leaning back on her arms for a little bit to look up at the night sky. Stars were starting to emerge as she did, with the moon slowly climbing up into the sky.

"Not everything has to be some epic tale," Astarion shrugged, trying to be noncommittal about it.

"... Mind if I bring it to you like a Bard should, anyway?"

"If it helps."

She turned to him a little, and he followed her example so they were facing each other at least somewhat. Astarion made himself comfortable as she added a little bit of extra wood to the small fire she had made.

"Well, our story starts in a small town in the middle of absolutely nowhere in Faerun, and at least near a cave entryway into the Underdark. It's a town founded by a small settlement of Tieflings who made some deal with a nearby drow population that they would take these unwanted lands off their hands and, you know, leave them to roam the Underdark in peace. It’s a rough and tough land and while the drow aren’t really an issue just about everything else is.

So this settlement of Tieflings quickly starts to value martial skill. Barbarian, fighter, monk; all of them highly valued as protectors of the people. And then there's a little purple tiefling among them. Everyone here a Mephistopheles Tiefling, that can only mean there's some red blood in her history somewhere. And that would be fine, were it not that this little girl likes, ugh, music and art,"

Astarion just gave Willow a very small nod when she looked to him for some kind of reassurance that she hadn't lost him yet. She kept her face almost eerily neutral as she continued

"So, when she's not watching people rip up her poems and sheet music, she is trying desperately to convince a magic born tiefling that they're better off if they stick together. But he plays along with the crowd, because he is far too scared to be their next target. This continues for years until both of them reach their majority and she finally convinces the sorcerer that Faerun is big. Like, really big; big enough that if they just look, and have each other’s back, they can have the kind of life they dream of. So, they run, in pursuit of something better."

She was trembling a little, but as soon as he noticed that she seemed to pull all her emotions back in and continued her tale as if she was talking about some wild fairy tale that never happened to her.

"It was hard. On the road, they often met people who had never seen Tieflings before, who immediately drew back in fear at the very sight of them. Or, they came across the settlements of their kin scattered about in the lands and were seen as just another mouth to feed. So the Bard did what Bards do best; entertain. She sang, she wrote stories and poems to recite, and he was clever enough to get her a proper stage and ask people for copper and gold to get in.

Finally, she was no longer seen as a monster to placate or a silly little thing with stupid aspirations that would get her nowhere, no, they saw her shine on stage and called her name in unison and adoration- and that sounds like the perfect ending, doesn't it?

But- well…"

She paused, needing a moment to breathe, and Astarion couldn't help but wonder if it was in a metaphorical sense more than literal. His ears flicked back again, frowning just a little as he wondered whether to make her stop or not.

".... Go on," he eventually softly prodded.

"Well, you see, using fame to deal with your problems is pretty much the same as asking a hag for some solution to an issue. Yes, it's great to be adored as the amazing Bard, until... until the demands start pouring in. Until everyone wants your autograph, every minute of your time, every piece of yourself you never wanted to part with- and you have to smile, and bear it, don't ever let that smile falter. Because as soon as they catch you slipping, as soon as you're less than kind, well; you're just proving you're the monster they still think you are. You're "one of the good Tieflings" until you're not. You're talented and amazing until you snap at a fan to not step on your tail again, please, and then the fear and bigotry returns and you’re the reason they regard your kin that way again as well.

Oh, and the sorcerer you bring along for protection? Well, if he's not busy throwing you to these ravenous wolves in every way he can, well, he's keeping an iron grip on anything that comes in while working in your shadow-"

"Willow-" Astarion started, the slightest bit of concern ringing through in his voice as Willow's trembling got worse; like the campfire was no longer keeping her warm. But this wasn't from being cold; he knew well enough that this was different. But she continued as the dam had broken and the whole story was too hard to keep in.

"Because, silly you, did you think you were getting paid? No, he is selling your talent for his own gain. You were never supposed to be a team and he will never have your back when it matters. Your talent is just a means to an end, you're just being-"

She bit her lip in anger, eyes squeezing shut as a silence fell between Willow and Astarion. However, this one wasn't awkward like the previous ones had been. Astarions ears lowered, a small pang in his chest making itself known as he watched the tears cling to her lashes.

He lowered his own gaze to the ground. He could fill in the final word to her sentence without even thinking about it, the silence between them only solidifying the sudden understanding they found between themselves.

“.... And to rub salt in the wound, he kept contact with the hellhole you both came from. He promises your hometown that he'll bring you back and make you an ‘honest woman.’ Why, leaving town together, that's clearly just a complicated way of saying you want to get eloped, right? What do you mean, no? You don't get a say in that."

He felt rage bubbling in the pit of his stomach, almost angry for her in her place. If anyone knew how much of a stab to the back that was, or how chaining that felt... it was him. Red eyes looked into flaming green ones as he realised she still had more to say.

"... So I got in an argument with him," Willow muttered, dropping the pretense that this had been about anyone but her as she still fought back the tears that were burning in her eyes by taking deep breaths and occasionally looking up at the sky,

"I argued. I screamed. I was so angry with him- He just got angry in return; saying that it was so obvious that we were an item now, and basically that he would be hailed as some kind of wild beast tamer if he just brought me back. He fully intended to drag me back there if he had to. So I ran from his side- only to run right into the ambush of a mindflayer, be whisked away on some ship and have a tadpole shoved into my eye."

Silence fell between the two yet again as Willow quietly inched closer to the river, gazing upon the image reflected back up at her and letting out a sigh. Astarion casted his gaze to the side, in deep thought. What was he to do? What could he do? It seemed like there was nothing he could say to ease her feelings, and he truly wasn’t sure what to do now that his silver tongue failed him completely.

He inched a little bit closer himself, only to flinch back a little when she leaned back with another sigh.

“Not exactly a grand tale befitting of an ‘admired’ Bard, like I said.”

Astarion let out the slightest hint of a huff, a weird tight feeling emerging in his chest as he watched her shift her weight and position. She pulled up her knees, hugging them so she could lean on them in support as she watched into the dark waters of the river faintly illuminated by the moon in the sky.

The silence between them remained as he desperately looked for something, anything to say, only to come up completely empty. He didn’t know what to say; comforting anyone had never been his forte, neither before and definitely not after he was turned into a vampire spawn.

Eventually he decided to inch closer to her, joining her by the water edge. He took care to place himself just close enough to her that their arms were ever so slightly touching, hoping that his presence and the featherlight touch offered comfort when none of his words could.

Willow’s pointed ears flicked back and lowered, as her gaze darted between him and the reflection in the dark water of the river. As far as the water was concerned, she sat there by herself, not another soul in sight. The only thing proving that he was actually beside her was the slight cold creeping onto her arm from where his touched hers.

“…You know,” she started, with a little laugh of disbelief as she knew how stupid this was going to sound, “there is one singular, solitary thing I envy about your… condition. I mean, it’s not worth any of the hells you’ve been through, obviously, but…”

She slowly and deliberately moved the arm he wasn’t leaning against, her reflection in the water relentlessly mimicking the gesture, even when she dropped it back to her leg.

“But at least you’re not constantly reminded of what everyone else sees when they look at you.”

“Doesn’t mean they treat me any better.”

“No, I know. I guess… I guess I just sometimes wish I didn’t see anything when I look in a mirror. It.. it would beat seeing everything I don’t like about myself.”

That was fair enough. The silence returned after that, but this time it was strangely a little more comfortable than it had been before. Astarion reached for her hand a couple of times, pulling back in hesitation just as often. He wasn’t sure how to do this, if she was okay with it, if he was okay with it, but eventually he took her hand into his own. He ran his thumb over her ring finger, down to the very tip of the clawed nail. He was still thinking of what to say when they intertwined their fingers, and he lightly rested his head to the upper part of her arm.

“You…. your storytelling isn’t half bad, you know.”

A little snort came out of her as that was the last thing she expected him to bring up, but in that was a quiet appreciation that weirdly enough, a comment like that from him was far more genuine than any of his more shallow praise. She felt him lean against her a little more, almost like he stopped holding back his weight as much. She responded by very lightly and loosely wrapping her tail around him.

“… You aren’t half bad either, by the way.”

“… Thanks, Star.”

[ardeawritten]

Now that I have Actual 13-Year-Old Boys around my neighborhood, there's a growing chance I'll print off a single copy of Dragon Sword for them as they're all big readers and have already gotten through lord of the rings and hunger games, among others.

So I've been going back and rereading it and realizing what of it I wrote with a readership in mind and what of it is purely self-indulgent lol (this is the kill-your-darlings part of editing!) and also what makes me go "oh yeah, no I really don't want (parents who are also good friends of mine) reading that and coming to all the wrong conclusions!"

A big part of Dragon Sword is David's internal processing of his past trauma and future choices, so it's probably more dialogue-heavy and introspective than it should be for its age group. I also do some pretty visceral physical descriptions, and the Big Secret in David's past is that he participated in a initiation killing when someone tried to recruit him as a child soldier. The final flashback when he relives and then describes the act is telegraphed well ahead of time and necessary for the Big Why of the story, (truth, forgiveness, freedom etc) but did I go a little overboard on describing the moment a kiddo killed a dude?

Yeah, yeah I did. We're knocking that way, way back to a more PG-13 rating, thanks. Looking at timestamps, I think I last revised those scenes in mid-2020 when I was in the middle of a) Covid and b) Crowbar. Yeah I'm not handing that as it's presently written to the otherwise-emotionally-stable neighborhood kids!!

[hearty-silver]

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Roleplay Request! Male x Male

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So... I'm pretty desperate. For some odd reason, I'm back into the swing of things when it comes to JoJo's. I'm searching for a double up scenario or something like, I don't know, you're bored and interested or something. But basically, I'm looking to play my male vampire OC Callum. Faceclaim will be sent to those interested. Mainly searching for xDio or xPucci HOWEVER I can slide past shipping with any of the Crusaders or Dio's followers. Now for his story...

Callum was born to a prostitute mother who worked in a brothel. He grew to work as the only male in the same brothel, becoming a quite popular prostitute amongst the rich. That was until Dio came along, as a human at first. Over time, the pair bonded, up to the point Dio disappeared after becoming a vampire. Dio came to Callum one night and showed himself and his new body. But Callum, having been abused in the brothel he called 'home' was unafraid of Dio. Dio took him from the brothel and wed him that night.

Events in the show transpire through Part 1 as normal. Except for Callum dying for Dio. After the battle, Dio revives Callum as a vampire. Additionally, during the events of Part 2 (technically before), Callum sends the vampire to kill George Joestar II. That is all he does.

In Part 3, Callum is reunited with his love. Story can diverge or continue as normal.

Now, I want to be greedy and also pair him up with Pucci in a poly triangle, but that isn't likely to happen. So I'm fine with either Dio or Pucci. I've always had a soft spot for lustful corruption (thanks to Hellfire from Hunchback).

In conclusion,

I want Dio or Pucci to pair against my OC in some self-indulgent plot because why the hell not. Crusaders and more can be discussed. Hell, anyone up for a reverse harem? Comment/like the post or DM if you're interested. We can discuss plots from there.

Some RULES though:

- I mainly use discord. I write in Third Person. Past or present tense doesn't matter to me. My replies vary depending on the circumstances; whether it be a dialogue heavy scene, or less actions to be made, etc. I will not lie, I can be very terrible when it comes to descriptive paragraphs. That's why I prefer text-like role-playing, BUT I can do novella with relative ease. As long as you don't mind variation in responses.

- If we do write NSFW, I am most comfortable playing the bottom role. Sorry.

- I based Callum's anatomy off A/B/O dynamics as I'm more comfortable giving him the "feminine part" but if that's not your taste I can negotiate.

That's all, folks! Thanks for reading this far, and I hope this at least reaches somebody. Otherwise I'll just get used to AI chat bots.

[somnambulic-thing]

Studio Hellfire

potter!Eddie x horror author!reader 2.5k

Okay so after @rebelfell and @carolmunson had a little talk about potter!Eddie yesterday, I went down down down into the depths of my docs and exhumed a little something.

A few things first:

This is a rough!!! first draft that I wrote sometime last year around July.

The premise is that reader is a horror author who has been stuck writing the third volume of their series and is struggling with burn-out, self-doubt, writer's block and a pretty fucking bad case of perfectionism.

In come Nancy and Robin, who upon thinking reader has to get off their desk and live a little, have signed them up for a wheel-throwing workshop and payed for the full ten weeks. The studio is owned by Eddie. Both he and reader are in their mid 30s.

There story here starts when reader is outside the building the pottery studio is located in because the first part was just some wild bullet points and bare-bones dialogue. So this qualifies as a meet-cute, maybe?

The thing is though, I do not intend to finish the story, but I have recently repurposed a lot of parts of Eddie's lore and such for a different series I have been working on a lot for the past two months. So there will be a few things missing in this... excerpt and they are marked with [...]. You still get the whole scene, there are just some extra bits missing that I don't want to spoiler for my other story. (Or if it was just loose, jumbled bullet points)

There is a little more (a little smut too at that) that is... presentable I think (with a little cleaning up for sure) so if any of you likes this thing here, I might be willing to throw it out here too. Why not, eh?

Also tagging @dr-aculaaa who has been simping with me over that boy for over a year now. Can you believe it?

curtains...

Just when you think you are lost you spot a sign on the fence; the sunbleached lettering half overgrown by an array of wild, rampant greenery: Pottery Studio around the back.

You slip through the open gate and keep to the left where the driveway leads you along the side of the building. Head on, a parking lot comes into view, hidden in the shadow of the neighboring building that is of the same maroon brick but the facade facing you lacks the big, steel grid windows. Halfway along the path, something coughs your eye: there is a small, bright blue flame painted to the brick about half a foot above the ground. Five steps further, there is another one and another one after that.

“Look at that,” you murmur through a smile and follow the flames around the corner and past the parking lot, suddenly so intrigued by the small guides that you pay no mind to your surroundings until you find yourself in front of an entrance.

Your gaze wanders from the last flame up the black steel door and to the sign above it.

Studio Hellfire Eddie Munson

Bright red letters on black ground, engulfed by more blue flames.

This could be the logo of a metal band.

You open the door and a motion sensor alerts a row of cold neon lights that click conspiratorially as they flicker into action to illuminate the descending staircase. The steps are stenciled with a familiar pattern of interlocking hexagons in red, orange and brown, worn down by shoes in a path along the middle, revealing the dusty grey of the concrete.

You’ll like it there, you hear the echo of Nancy in your head, see the sharp, mirthful smile that had concluded your discussion.

“Could have lead with that, Nance,” you mutter and hurry to open the next door that carries the same logo as outside.

The room beyond is not what you expected and it’s then that you decide to discard of all the expectations you brought with you and leave them outside.

[…]

You follow the sound of the chatter to another door that leads into a large workroom with high ceilings lit by the golden light of the late afternoon sun streaming through the windows; still large, despite the suterrain level of the studio. The walls are all exposed brick here, spare for one wall that’s painted black and lined with metal shelves stuffed with tools and materials. Two-thirds of the space are filled with big worktables surrounded by mismatched chairs of all shapes and forms while the front of the room holds a circle of pottery wheels.

Seven, to be exact and while six of them are perfectly unremarkable, one has been made into a throne. Dark wood and maroon velvet that is slightly dull and matted with what you assume are traces of clay; but it looks well cared for nonetheless.

“Hey,” someone calls to your left and you peel your gaze away from the wheels and over to the nearest table where five people are gathered and engaged in conversation. “Quite the place, eh?” The young man asks, gesturing around the room that just keeps revealing more and more details to you wherever you look.

[…]

The sound of a door being pulled closed only faintly registers with you [so focused on the conversation] but the chatter dies down abruptly when a new voice chimes in and six heads turn in curious unison.

You feel your eyebrows rise and your eyes widen as you behold the apparition. He looks like he’d been in a hurry; cheeks dusted with red under big brown eyes that glint with the onset of a smile that promises dimples when in full bloom. His long hair falls past his shoulders and a few tousled strands stick out on his right side, glimmering damply as if they have been wetted not long ago.

There is white, powdery dust on the thighs of his black jeans and a streak of dried clay on his forehead.

“Hi, hi, welcome,” he says, smile widening and proving you right about the dimples, then lifts a finger and silently counts the group, dishing out brief moments of eye contact that shouldn’t feel so warm and tingly for the fraction of a second that it lasts.

“Okay, everybody’s present— sorry for being—“ he lifts his arm, glancing at his watch, one eye squinted shut as he rambles on, “almost ten minutes late, shit, I was battling a beast known by the name of Clogged Drain— every potter’s nightmare and—“ He drops his arm, smiles at the group and takes a deep breath.

Suddenly, all the electricity drains from his posture, shoulders low and relaxed, stance a leisurely contrapposto, even his voice is different when he speaks again. It’s deep and smooth and makes you think of the small blue flames again.

“Hi, I’m Eddie Munson, the one from the sign outside and I’m your friendly… only slightly chaotic instructor for the duration of this course, or however many you want to come back after of course. Any questions before we start?”

Six heads shake in unison. You try to keep your smile away from deranged and close to something friendly.

“Well, don’t be shy if any might arise at any point, kay?”

Six heads nod in unison and Eddie chuckles before he walks to a clothing rack next to the door that is stuffed with aprons to the point that one drops the moment he puts his hand to it.

“Alright my clay-hungry sheep,” he says, picking five more aprons from the rack. “Come and get your armor.”

A short line forms in front of Eddie. He asks everybody for their name in exchange for an apron, repeating each name and adding a quick, deep nice to meet you each time. You’re last in line and suddenly you realize that for the first time in a long time, you feel excited about something.

Damn you, Nancy, you think and make a mental note to make sure to show her your appreciation and gratitude the next time you see each other in a way that can be observed from space.

You snap out of your thoughts when it’s suddenly your turn.

“Hi, what’s your name?” Eddie asks, head tilting slightly and you marvel over the up-close view of those dimples a little too long. “You got one, right?”

“Shit—“

“That’s unusual,“ he grins and shifts, tilting his head to the other side. There is clay on his neck too. “And rather ill-fitting, if you ask me.”

You snort and shake your head, finally telling him your name.

“Ah,” he nods and hands you your apron, “that’s a good one.”

—

Gathered around a worktable, you listen to Eddie explain the basic principles of the art of wedging clay while handing out equally sized lumps of grey clay to each of you before he and his own lump settle in a free spot opposite you.

Your fingers explore the uneven surface of your clay; smooth in some places, almost a little brittle in others but radiating a damp coolness all over. It’s nice, to feel something different underneath your fingertips than the ever-same texture of your keyboard, almost invigorating. Another thing you hadn’t expected; suddenly feeling weirdly sentimental about a lump of sticky dirt.

Eddie’s exposition only further deepens this feeling. It’s unexpectedly wholesome, almost poetic and quickly ventures into sensual, as he begins to add demonstration to explanation.

[…]

“Alright, have at it, folks,” he says and wipes his hands on his apron with a satisfied smile and the anticipation tingles in your fingertips.

But there is something you need to do first; you lift the clay to your face and smell it; earthy, musky and some weird kind of clean you don’t understand. You can feel your mind drink it up anyway, feel like a sponge that had been rubbing away at a stain completely dried out for so long that the edges got fuzzy.

Across the table, Eddie tells Tina to dial down on the pressure, tells her that she was about to fold more bubbles into her clay, tells her to really feel it, to wedge from her wrists and as you cast your eyes over to them, you realize that he isn’t even looking at Tina’s hands.

He’s looking at you.

He’s watching you sniffing your clay.

He pulls up his brows in a way that seems to ask Nice, right? and you can’t but grin as you put the clay down slowly, feeling a kind of playful that you had feared lost.

Very nice, you mouth back silently So nice, he mouths in return through curled-up lips and you just barely can hold back from biting your own.

“Like that?” Tina asks, startling Eddie back to attention. He throws you a quick glance that seems to say whoopsy before he aids Tina to get rid of the remaining bubbles in her clay.

You start wedging then. Slowly first, getting a feeling for the plasticity, the resistance, the subtle differences in texture that occur every few wedges in. Eddie told you to get to know your clay and you intend to do just that. Soon you find yourself leaning into every motion, not only with your arms but with the tension that keeps your shoulders hostage, with the ever-nagging sense of nothing but high stakes that’s been haunting your every endeavor since the first reviews for volume II had hit your desk.

“Looking good.” His voice is low, a soft approach, almost as if he knew that you hadn’t been in the same room just now, almost as if he was afraid he could startle and shoo you away. He steps closer beside you with the same tenderness, arms crossed over his chest as he peeks and pokes at your clay. “Feels good too.”

“It really does.”

His eyes flick up to yours and you expect a smile but instead find an expression that’s curious, almost studious.

“Good,” he says, smiling softly at last. “Good.”

—

Good turns to tough raster quickly, your joy and excitement so fresh and brittle threatening to turn sour as the first sign of a challenge arises.

You keep glancing around the room as the wheel in front you spins and spins and spins and the clay between your slick, sludgy palms wiggles like a live thing.

Centering clay sucks. That is your takeaway from the past five minutes; it sucks and you can’t do it and you don’t know why you can’t do it because it looked… well, not easy but simple and with each wobbly spin your confidence drains away, with each time the lump of clay comes off the wheel again, you get more convinced that this was a mistake after all.

Nancy will be disappointed, you think, wiping sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand, sure you still got sludge on it. There is too much of it, really. Did you use too much water? Robin will be disappointed too, you think and conjure a mental parade of people with stern faces and shaking heads as the wheels spin and spin and your hands desperately try to get it right, get it perfect.

“That’s a very serious face you have going on there.”

You startle, the wheel speeding up for a moment as your foot pushes the pedal down.

“Sorry,” Eddie says, face stern and watchful.

“Is it?” laugh drily and stop the wheel, looking from your mess of clay up to Eddie.

“Uh-hn,” he says and crosses his arms. “Almost… scary.”

You frown. “Scary?”

“Uh-hn,” he repeats and squads down in front of your wheel, forearms resting on his knees as his lips curl up into this soft smile. “I bet the clay is terrified.”

“I…” you laugh, “am… sorry?”

“Oh, don’t tell me,” he says with big eyes and a goofy smile that makes you feel stupid. Because next to this goofy smile, it’s almost impossible not to see the dissonance between your task at hand and the raging beast of anxiety and dread wreaking havoc inside your mind.

“I’m sorry,” you say again, lifting your hand to softly pat the clay. “I didn’t mean to scare you, my slippery friend.”

“Good,” he whispers, almost inaudibly.

“Yeah?” you whisper back, now gently caressing the clay like a pet.

“If that was me—“ he points his chin, “I’d cooperate now.”

“Too bad you’re too big for that wheel,” you say, not missing the way the lines around his eyes deepen with the sharp smile spreading over his features.

“Well,” he says, voice still low but sharper as well, “I have a hand-building workshop too, you know.”

This time there’s no helping it; you bite your lip, huffing out a laugh that feels hot enough to fire your clay. “Good to know but…”

“You want help with this one first, eh?”

“Yes, please.”

“Uhm,” he clears his throat, “certainly, what’s the problem?”

Problem.

The word flashes through your mind like lightning.

What’s the goddamn problem? you hear your agent groan over the phone. You shake the thoughts away and point to your wheel.

“It’s right there.”

“Yeah?” he studies the mess. “M’ afraid you have to elaborate on that a little because it looks good to me.”

“It- it does?” “Yeah, for your first try… first times are allowed to be wonky, y’know?”

Something hot claws its way up your spine. Like this simple statement was a threat to your very existence, to whatever it was that held you together.

“It’s okay,” Eddie says and you realise that what you had taken for a stern expression earlier wasn’t that at all. But you couldn’t quite pin it down. “Just,” he gets up, waves his hand for you to the same, takes your place and starts up the wheel.

“You have to get in there, real firm, squeeze that little shit, don’t be shy.” And just like that the clay submits under his motions like it recognized the hands of its master. You stare, meszmerized. “Just feel it,” he says when he’s satisfied and looks up at you while the wheel slows down.

“I tried.”

“Nuh-uh,” he shakes his head and taps a finger to his temple, getting clay into the fine hair that have come loose from his bun. “That was the face of pure, distilled overthinking.”

“But—“ you stop, huff a breath in frustration.

“You were almost there, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Really?”

“You’re not paying me to lie to you,” he huffs. “That shit costs extra.”

You stare at him, worrying your lip with nervous teeth. He holds your gaze while he leans forward to grab the wire tool, only looking away when the wire already touches the plate. “I’ve been doing this a long time,” he says while you watch him scrape the clay off the wheel with his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth. “How long have you been doing this?”

“Ten minutes.”

“Exactly.” He gets up, swings his leg over the seat with ease and hands the clay over to you. “Now try again.

taglist:

@bettyfrommars @dr-aculaaa @deathbecomesthem @songforeddiemunson @raccoonboywrites

@jo-harrington @lunatictardis @skrzydlak @slutforstabbings @eddieslooneymoonie

@chaoticgood-munson @storiesbyrhi @mrsjellymunson @the-unforgivenn @thecapricunt1616

@fracturedarkness @emma-munson @sidereustales

[hakka84]

Thank you for this post. As a Warren stan, I admit I see all the story from his point of view, so I didn't see the relationship as problematic as fandom unanimously says it is (also, I didn't know much about Laura, so my lack of knowledge didn't help either in forming a rounded opinion on the pair). But I admit it felt painful to stumble into posts after posts of how Warren was bad and a dick. I was here crying "what about him? Doesn't anyone notice that he too had his issues and Laura didn't care? That he really, genuinely cared for her and her well-being? That she acted like a jackass too with him and didn't seem to want to understand him and dismissed all of his issues?"

I think that Warren was written very in character, his dickness included. Although I would define his behavior more as unconscious chauvinism. He was a bit of a dick in his teens/late teens years, and had a bit of a "ladies are damsel in distress" attitude. He didn't much in First Class (everything there is updated to more modern standards), but he always looked at Jean (the most powerful of the five) as someone who needed to be protected (all the other 4 males too, actually). He also was mostly unaware of his privilege - this is seen better in First Class, when he unwillingly offends Wanda by buying her expensive things without understanding how she would feel when presented with them (and without thinking about removing the price tag, the idiot!). [the whole scene is absurd and perfectly encompasses Warren's "dumb blondiness". Semi-quote. "You paid THIS MUCH for this coat?!" "Is that much? :-/ " ||| "In my country you can buy a house with how much this car is worth!!" "Do you want me to buy you a house? :-/"] He's born into a very rich family and richness is his normality - he doesn't act out of malice nor he flaunts it. The other O5, living together with him 24/7, knows this, so they don't get offended at his "dependency to wealthiness", as you put it. They learn to actually count on it, and the most reaction they have is a suffering sigh, if Warren has a rich-boy moment.

Anyway. What didn't help Warren, regarding Laura, is that he dove into romancing her knowing literally nothing about her - or that, so it seems on panel. And while it's hinted/said that Laura later opened up/shared few details about her (tragic) past to him, he never got the full image so he was left to stumble blind around her. Still a dick on some page, mind me, but I think reading the whole romance as "Warren was toxic"/"was abusive to Laura"/"He was the worst" is superficial, because it ignores what goes on behind the actual panels and actual dialogues. What Warren did, IMHO, he did it under a misplaced sense of protection. He knew Laura suffered in her young life, and felt it his duty - as boyfriend who cared for her - to shield her. Again, misplaced chauvinism? Perhaps. And one of his way to do this was stomp his feet whenever he saw Laura throwing herself in danger uncaring for pain - he would see that attitude as self-harm, and feel that he needed to stop her from inflicting herself gratuitous physical pain. Right? Wrong? I don't know. But he did act, instead of staying back and letting her throw herself into a fire because "doesn't matter, my skin grows back". That's not healthy, Laura doesn't see how unhealthy it is - Warren saw it and was - rightfully - disturbed by it. I know he should've taken her aside once back to the headquarters/their room and talk about this attitude of hers, without shouting to her in the middle of a crisis/danger. But talk things out is how adults act (or should, at least). We readers are (I think) all adults and Laura fans see Laura from their adults eyes: to them/us, Laura is a troubled and abused teen who was trying to heal in her own ways and her own terms. But Warren too is a teen. And teens are notorious for being rash and to have an "act before think" approach to things. Which is what Warren did here. He saw something wrong and didn't think it through before acting. And by acting he did sound like a dick to Laura.

On the other side, I think Warren was full of insecurities, about his powers and his becoming irrelevant in a world of Storms and other uberpowerful mutants, and made the mistake to thrust that against Laura, who had not fault in this. I don't think he opened up with her about this so she couldn't understand his need to feel useful. And, perhaps - but this is me reading between panels, not stated on panel - she felt Laura would belittle him (Laura, the strong warrior who throws herself into fire) if he opened up. So he kept it all to himself, letting it all fester. So yes, Laura pushed him away any time he wanted to help her, not understanding that any time she refused his help and closed up, she hurt him. That he made him feel useless - what am I, if even my girlfriend doesn't trust me to have her back? If she wants to do things alone? Am I that much worthless? Did Warren feel emasculated with her? Yes. She's a powerhouse in her own, she doesn't need a team to get things done and wears a mask of seasoned warrior. I think if they met in Warren's original time/past, he wouldn't feel emasculated, like he didn't feel emasculated when Jean turned out to be the most powerful of them five. Laura just happened in his life when he had to face that "flying is not an uncanny ability anymore" and that as mutant and superhero he was awfully and tragically outdated. Throw in the whole "I've discovered what futures stored for me" and "I will literally sell my soul to avoid my future", and you have a bomb ready to blow up. And Laura (unwillingly!!!) did everything to worsen the situation. I think Warren hid what was going through with the Black Vortex (a breach of trust, from Laura's point of view - and she's right!) because she didn't trust Laura would understand (she actually WOULD). And knowing that all Laura would say would be a "told you so!", ignoring or not seeing the reason for why he latched to the Black Vortex into the first place. (ironic, considering Laura had the chance to work side to side with adult!Warren for a while, and got to see with her own eyes how exactly bad would be Warren's future as Archangel - although she does ignore the worst of it, namely Dark Angel Saga). So you had a Warren who perceived Laura's behavior unhealthy, and tried - in the wrong way - to do something about it while, on the other side, you had a Laura who kept acting like a looner, not understanding that all Warren wanted was to be useful and be helpful to her. I know Laura didn't do this out of malice - she's used to rely on herself and she finds it hard to trust others, and she has reasons to not give out her trust easily, I know. I think, in a way (confirm me if this is said on panel, please, of it's just me), she also wanted to protect Warren from her own world - at least during the adventures seen in her solo title. While Warren wanted nothing more than be included in her world and feel he could help someone (her, a girl he cared - loved?).

IDK if what I said makes sense, or even agrees with canon - it's been a while since I read anything of the time-displaced O5.

I think under a more committed author, one who was really a shipper and lover of both character (and also one able to write nuanced relationships, which IMHO is not what Marvel's authors are known for) the romance could've been healed and turned into a decent relationship that helped the both of them to evolve. (In the solo title, I think the relationship was portrayed as being healthier and more balanced. At least from Warren's side. Laura still kept him away, for her own reasons, so there were flaws. But they worked - or, at least, they were less dick to each other.)

I should really re-read the issues of Wolverine when Warren pops up to refresh my memory.

Also, very Warren-sided. So feel free to completely disagree!

You know…looking back at it- I actually feel a tiny bit BAD for Warren..

I KNOW… I know, I will get crucified for this point… but…

Looking back on HOW many friends and family Laura has dropped/discarded/mistreated… and seeing how much Warren did TRY to be a good boyfriend at times…it’s hard not to feel a little bit bad for him…

I’m not saying their relationship wasn’t HORRIFYINGLY unhealthy in Hopeless…or that a big part of their relationship collapsing wasn’t Warren’s issues with Laura being “Wolverine”/her not being some “damsel in distress”/ borderline shaming her for her history with self harm and mental health…

Warren WAS written as a jackass.

But it IS a little sad…looking back at all the times where Angel helped her at a drop of a hat-

And also seeing how LITTLE Laura honestly respected him 😬.

Truthfully their relationship had SO many issues- Warren’s insecurities and feeling like he needed to “prove himself”…his resentment towards Laura over her being “Wolverine” and feeling emasculated… Laura being at times really cold and dismissive of his interests (fashion)… Laura seeming to somewhat resent his wealth and his dependency on it…

It was NEVER a relationship that was going to work…there was way too many differences and resentments there… but it was the only relationship Laura had that didn’t IMMEDIATELY CRATER.

Hellion and her were basically “dead on arrival”.

Jubilee, she more or less forgets exists.

Synch just felt creepy because Everett couldn’t accept that she wasn’t into him.

It IS sad that the ONLY functional relationship she had was Warren…where they basically treated each other HORRIBLY throughout most books and on some level, it seemed like Laura never really cared about him as much as he cared for her.😬