#my period is messing w me
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i have this problem where i can’t say no to someone i care about because i don’t ever wanna upset anyone or make them sad and i had changed plans last minute today and had to say no to something that was so small and now feel like the world’s shittiest person and have been crying for twenty minutes everyone can ignore this i just needed to vent
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sketch of them as children, they were so cute back then 💜
alternate version w/o the dark overlay on them that i slapped on at the last minute bc i decided i wanted the enviorment to feel darker <3
#i love the admirals. sososo much.#been on a kick w/ them lately theyre such interesting characters like. bah. love them 🥰#one piece#borsalino#sakazuki#kuzan#kizaru#akainu#aokiji#cals art#theres no real like reason behind this for like the setting other than i like swamp colors#i was chatting w/ my friends like a week or so ago n just sketched this up lol.#ive been periodically working on it thru out the week coloring it n messing with the bg#thought abt rendering it more but. i hate rendering soooo. nah <3 messy colors messy linework happy me#anyways i hope everyone who sees this has a very good day/night!!! 💞💞💞
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Me: *tells my mom I’ve been thinking people at work are controlling my mind again* My mom: No one can control your mind. But AI,
#it’s just. it’s LUCKY I’m in a headspace to recognize this stuff (only bc my period started and I thought OH that’s why I’m miserable) xD#actually psychotic#actually schizoaffective#unreality#im an adult btw. I feel like I have to disclaim when mentioning my mom. im 25.#idk what’s going on with my moms mental health. she’s super deep in conspiracy theories. shes not messing w me she does believe it.#anyway im just tryna avoid ever showing my face at work again bc i Messed Up. I'll have to go back Monday. sigh.#two years ive had this job. two years. and I talked abt. sigh.#they are all lying to me tho#words by seaweed
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as someone who has faced chronic period shit + stoppage combos, i suggest a ginger ale (can of canada dry preferred but anything will work), pepto tablets (store brand is fine). i tend to go for the tablet first, slowly nurse one can, see if anything is changing and then go for a second. halfway thru the second can, things tend tbe back to normal (though then once all the Stomach Nonsense is over, i start to notice the cramps more and need painkillers at that point)
also!! Look up the side effects of whatever you're using for your cramps. some can make your stomach shit worse. literally.
there is always an oomf there for me in a time of need......thank you so much abt to steal a ginger ale from my momma right now
#i messed up my birth control and now my periods got me fucked up#god forbid they ban bc in my state im gonna have to move bc i really cant deal w my unmedicated period
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it appears to be a 'write a few sentences and then just stare at the draft for several minutes before clicking off to another tab, then coming back to start the process over again' kind of night :/
#my entire day got like. thrown off by one little thing so my attention span is in the trash lmao#but i'm trying!!! i'm hoping that eating smth will help... so i'm kinda just waiting on the food which makes it that much harder to focus#god i've also been so slow replying to messages this week and i'm so sorry about that... head's been a bit of a mess asfkjds#been a big mess actually and it's been super exhausting so i've been spreading things out to not get overwhelmed :x#but yeah. ...yeah. i'm losing my train of thought here too lmfasjfhds#just. thank u all for ur patience w me. in theory i'll get my shit together for another short period again soon#but until then i'm kinda all over the place :/#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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two in the morning =_=
#woke up w. stomach cramps? nausea? some ungodly combination of the two?#i don't think it's my period bc that shouldn't be yet but i have noo idea what it is. dinner tonight/last night or whatever probably#bc they messed up my order & gave me something i never have? guh. fucked up.#im so sleepy & feel sooo wretched & stuff.#txt#also it was chicken. because i did not know about the recall. so.
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(salpingo-oophor-)hysterectomies should be free and they should check if you want one at your annual physical in case you're too scared to ask
#i think it's completely insane that half the population is just expected to deal with often debilitating periods for most of their life#and the only things you can do about it are either difficult to access due to money and misogyny or you have to fuck around w your hormones#which obviously can have all kinds of effects. it's fucking insane why have we not made this easy to get out of. i know why but still#but then even if you do get it out you have to leave some for the hormones or be on hrt of some kind forever#i've been debating for ages if i want to try to get just a hysto and leave the possibility of the hormone fluctuations still ruining my life#or get the whole mess out and then take pills forever? (<- guy who already takes pills forever) or get an ablation but that still leaves#room for dysphoria and the hormone shit. this is all so fucked up#and obviously any of this costs you out the ass if you can even find a doctor who's not too sexist to sterilize you. hell#STRONG evidence against a benevolent god tbh#also if cis men had something even remotely comparable you know all of the above problems would have been solved decades ago.#me
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ive had baby fever on and off for a couple months but im gonna be honest here i think im too neurotic to be responsible w a baby like that kid is gonna end up worse than i am 😭
#its the ummm im self aware enough to know theres only so much Child Mess and Child Noise i could handle#and how much i act like my dad sometimes like i dont even like that i act like that around grown ass adults#ummm having a baby w a man makes me wanna throw UPPPPP and i feel like a lot of gay girls/women my age have like 0 interest in kids :(#so thats also a factor#okay thanks for reading my poast guys 👍 i lit just got my period a d ive been extra pms y and i had one maybe two standard drinks so#we are grooving
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Ugh. I’m so grumpy. Had plans to get fucked today. And like it’s totally not the time for my period but like am spotting some and like while it wouldn’t be my fave, this guy is very not about fucking me then.
#my period has been annoying lately#was two days late at it’s last regularly scheduled time#and now this#this is very out of the norm for me#usually the most that happens is like me stressing myself out of a period#usually birth control keeps everything on schedule w just the occasional in too stressed#ughh#I kinda think I messed things up from being too paranoid about getting pregnant#like there was a day i forgot to take birth control till a while later than when I normally do#and hooked up w someone#and bc i used to have a horrible history of never staying on birth control#I just like always keep a generic plan b or two around#and I think that’s just like a high dose of hormonal birth control stuff maybe idk#but like I do know it can through things off some#so like I don’t think anything wild is going on#but it’s sure annoying
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#does a bear blog in the woods#just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week !#i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp .#ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ...#theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months#dealint with grief . bad job . good job now#and still working on getting my life and health togethwr#and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting#tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it#in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed !#i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out#but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around#especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it .#its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think#i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL !#i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly#but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing#if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this
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nursing is truly a labor of love man
#having a reflective moment w the sunrise outside the break room window after I had to hold down a 3 y/o for a lab draw#and fought w iv air bubbles for half my shift and made another kid scream so loud bc she was so done w me messing with her lol#but also the same 3 y/o wanted to play with me and hold my hand every time I came in the room#and even though I’m sore and tired and have a fucked circadian rhythm I do love my job soooo much#as stressful as it is I am also so never alone . anyway .#periodic reflectiveri bc she’s alone at 6:30am eating a snack before the end of the shift .
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NOOO I FUCKING FORGOT TO CHARGE MY CHROMEBOOK (THE ONLY CHARGER I HAVE FOR IT IN MY ROOM IS SLOW SO I HAVE TO CHARGE IT IN THE AFTERNOON. BUT ITS 2AM. )
#how the fuck am i gonna survive tmrw#if i dont wake up at 6:40 maybe i can use a better cable downstairs#and maybe take the cable w/me to charge it before first period#since i have time now that my schedules a bit messed up this week for no reason#actually it is for a reason i think its bc the quarters ending idk#closet rambles again on tumblr
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I love my brothers so much i want to protect them all wasaaa
#.txt#i love my parents but i think they r harsh nd mean nd not self aware at all#my parents dont believe they were strict growing up#but my moms the same one who took my phone away for a while year bc i was depressed#my parents r the same ppl who didnt lwt me do anytbing growing up#i literally didnt ask them to do anything bc ik they wpuld say no#i was so paranoid in highschool i couldnt even enjoy my free periods without thinking id get in trouble from my dad#my parents are now being rly strict nd harsh to my youngest brother#nd im doing all i can to support him but its also hard bc the fee times i disagree w my parents they get mad#so ive leanred to keep my mouth shut nd talk to my brother privately about my support for him#u kno how messed up it is tht i cant side w my brother in front of my parents#i have a lot of trauma from my parents nd ive done A LOT to better myself so it makes me feel so bad seeing the same things happen to my bro#nd my other brother he is literally the poster child for traumatized kid nd its insane to me how my parents dont see it#he moved out the second he could nd hasnt been living back here since#my parents stress abt like oh why does he hate us blah blah blah its bc u guys r not nice 😭😭😭#like how r u not self aware omg kids turn out a certain way bc of the ppl who raised them come onnnnnnnn
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well friends I have officially joined the Chronic Pain Club, it’s not great to be here, there’s a chance it’s only temporary but my gut says ‘hmm many doubts’ and I won’t really know for a couple of weeks anyway until my doctors appointment. So. Been navigating that for four days and well we’re navigating at least
#there’s some sort of apollo prophecy dodgeball meme joke here#re me being close to many people w/ chronic pain/illness and being a strong empath#and already using spoon theory periodically for the mental health shite#‘ha ha wow this is so useful I’m glad spoonies consider mental health strugglers part of this too!’ and then I need you to imagine#that very specific TUNK sound a dodgeball makes#those thoughts have been living in my brain this weekend. anyway#mark and di if you happen to see this. TUNK (the dodgeball sound)#maybe it’s more irony than prophecy but as I said the thoughts have been there#I went to urgent care then the er thurs night because I spent an entire workday and over 8 hrs in severe abd pain#and it started on the lower right side so of course worried about appendix/gallbladder/etc#urgent care said yeah go to the er cause no matter what you need diagnostic imaging#and they asked have you ever had ovarian cysts I said no but my mom has (there’s thoughts it can be genetic)#do an ultrasound and sure enough I’ve got em!#and doing some reading up after the fact ‘most are asymptomatic and go away on their own!’ I was like well fuck#I mean that’s great but I’ve already failed the requirements I had STRONG symptoms#ibuprofen didn’t do a thing for the pain. until yesterday the hydrocodone they prescribed was all that would#yesterday experimented with three ibuprofen and that does help thankfully#so yeah needless to say I’m not very optimistic this is a ‘goes away on it’s own’ kinda cyst#but my obgyn is really booked and even squeezing me in/getting me in sooner is two weeks away#which is okay I get it healthcare is a mess#but yeah that means chronic pain for the foreseeable future#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is what it is#we’re navigating at least that’s all I can ask for#very glad I have today off because it was a very eventful weekend and I need an additional rest day lmao#but started off with low spoons because didn’t sleep well + pain so we’ll see how today goes#Cassie rambles#chronic pain shite#I have the mental health shite tag. might as well start that one lmao /cries
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I really hate that I'm 26 and now only learning how to actually cook because I never got taught how. Like my dad was the main cook but once his work was late night stuff, it was all like making frozen foods & stuff that's just 'add a liquid + powder' cause despite living in an Italian family that loved cooking, my mom wasn't a great cook so I just never learned!
Like it feels satisfying ! I cooked something unique :> yippee
#.txt#i also didn't do it because i cry when i mess up something while cooking lmaoooo#brain yells at me for not being perfect#i was talking w my brother and we kinda just realized that#also that for a period of time we only ate/made grilled cheese & pancakes for dinner#cause we were also poor x_x
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forget anything negative I’ve ever said about myself actually except for this one simple fact: I’m stupid
#I could still stand to fix a few things up but I look alright even when I don’t try 👍 ass is too fat to ruin#I think I’m just on my period and also I messed w my levels recently bcoz I’m stupid#the music in this authentic Mexican restaurant kind of making me wanna fuck it up
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