#my patience is infinite

[the-spooky-children]

God SM 7 being in the woods and being based on the Blair Witch Project and maybe having a found footage feel with the spider weaved into the plot would be so cool

October 2025 October 2025 October 2025-

[purposechef]

carm tried, okay?

[all-absurdities-in-the-world]

After about 15 hours 🖌️ I declare this piece done.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

oh no i finished disco elysium for the first time and now i have ANOTHER new OTP ship help

🙃

I've already bookmarked like 10 fics 🙃

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

secret third take on The Situation where i'm a yellow apologist but also don't think you can blame arthur for how all that shook out. i think they both did exactly as well as could be expected given the circumstances. by which i mean bad. the circumstances were bad and they did bad.

[psychedeliclulu]

In quiet moments at work I made this little Adachi sketch 🖊️

[hawthorn-mori]

BOOP PROGRESS

FIRST RECORDED OMG MAX???

[gideonnavsenormousbiceps]

the characterization of narinder being good with kids while being a grade A tsundere and generally awkward around most individuals after years of imprisonment is something that is so personal to me. It never gets old. Do you think every time he sees kids playing and laughing it reminds him of aym and baal, of two tiny black cats trailing along behind him everywhere he went no matter what he did, or how often he shooed them away. do you think it makes him think of a table, from long long ago, with five places full, food, laughter, happiness, and love all around. do the conspirative whispers of children playing hide and seek and playing innocuous pranks bring back memories he didnt know he had of five souls huddled around a dying fire, five bed rolls side by side, one of them always whispering to each under their breaths, trying not to wake the others up. I think kids remind him of painful memories, but he can't help but keep them happy just a little longer.

[spotaus]

I'm insane. Anyways, here's a ref for Scada! He's just a lil guy, a scrimbly bimbily <3

[stressfulsloth]

I think that what the disco elysium people said about Harry and Kim was the best way to put it. "Somewhere in the multiverse, Kim and Harry kiss." Because they're both so full of *potential*, both for wonderful and terrible things, and you *know* that in some worlds they full on hate each other. Harry can be a full on fascist; he's definitely been aggressive/racist/homophobic before the amnesia, there's no way Kim's entertaining his bullshit in that kind of playthrough if he makes no effort to change. And on the other side, Kim can be an absolute terror despite his calm facade- repressed, unflexible, patient with Harry only because he's a fellow cop, a committed *ex-moralist*. There are so many potential outcomes, so many different ways for them to fuck up, so many new and unique ways for them to be terrible together.

But then there's the multiverse where everything works out and nobody says the awful things they're thinking and maybe instead of pushing beyond Kim's boundaries by trying to can-open him, Harry helps him work through the repression and fear of change, and on the other side maybe Kim doesn't get frustrated by Harry's sheer chaos and just tries to be some stability in his life instead. They have *fun* together. They're playing board games. They wear matching jackets and sit on swings together whistling. And in that universe, maybe they get to be happy.

[201xs]

ive been feeling very... creatively dried up. i feel like ive drawn enough of what im best at but i dont know what else to draw. all i want is to make increasingly elaborate tributes to the 1s i love.... and also maybe learn how to draw certain other cartoon characters ive been struggling with for a while. what i really need is drugs. someone send me some drugs

[lunapwrites]

taking a deep breath and reminding myself that i'm (probably) in the worst of it right now. and, if so, i am fortunate.

bean is generally a happy little potato. yes, she spits up like she's auditioning for a reboot of the exorcist. yes, she has decided recently that sleep is for the weak and do i look like a bitch to you? but aside from all of that, she's normally really chill. and my lovely partner has been such a life-saver during this time, being the most dad even when she pulls his beard hairs out and throws up on his shorts as soon as he picks her up.

the 6-8 week point is apparently the crucible (on average, which she typically is), and we're on our way out of that. so... maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel?

sleep is: a white noise machine, lofi girl in the background (dark synthwave ty) and one of those warmies that bean won't cuddle with directly but i will and then she cuddles with me and gets the same effect. (soft, warm, smells like lavender.)

and if this current trend of "getting better, slowly, for now" continues, i might be able to start writing again. (god i hope so lol.)

[gothicprep]

ngl something that tears at my heart a little bit is that a lot of the war related talk rn doesn’t come off to me like it’s coming from a sincere place of compassion for gazans so much as it is a desire to get ~sick ass dunks~ in service of imaginary internet points

[wereh0gz]

Actually playing sonic forces for real (last time I tried to play it was years ago and it ran like absolute dog shit on my old computer and I didn't think to try it on my current one until recently)

And. It sure is A Game

[dalblauw]

Been doing some sprite edits for the Pokemon Infinite Fusion game, these are some of my favs