#my original post is more about how the sisters deserved to know more than it really changed anything for cole tho like

[paigemathews]

@fullybeautifultheorist replied to your post “I know I have some drafts that at least mention...”:

Tbh the fact that Cole was possessed doesn't really change much. Cole was egoistical and obsessed murderer in season 3 as well as in season 5. There is literally no meaningful change in his behavior during all 3 season. And even un season 7 he is playing peeping Tom

​Hmm, honestly, I see your point, but I think I would disagree. I’m not a fan of Cole’s, by any means, but I think knowing that he did not purposefully become the Source of All Evil and he wasn’t in full control would change things for at least Phoebe. I don’t want to whitewash his sins, because there are many but there is at least some kind of inherent tragedy in his loss of agency and autonomy after he tried to redeem himself. He really was trying to become good, even if it was for flawed reasons. I also think that it could bring either more pain or comfort to Phoebe and the sisters, because on one hand, they hadn’t been tricked so badly that Cole had never actually changed sides but on the other, they’d still been manipulated enough that they thought he never did if that makes sense.

[my-plastic-life]

Inspiring Women: Rumiko Takahashi

New custom doll is here! I'm sure we all know about the Mattel Barbie Inspiring Women doll line, right? Well, I took it upon myself to create one of my own because I'm sure Mattel will never make one lol. Click here for behind the scenes on how I made this doll!

I opted to create an Inspiring Woman Barbie based off Rumiko Takahashi, the Japanese manga artist who created my all-time favorite manga and anime, Inuyasha. But that isn't the sole reason she's deserving of this title. Yes, that creation got me into all things Japan and introduced me to the entire anime genre, but this mangaka has excelled in her career for 45 years - a profession that has been primarily male-dominated since its inception.

I also created a box for her designed after the official Mattel Inspiring Women boxes. The outfit she's wearing is inspired by the one she wore during the 2023 knighthood honor she received. Accessories include her most recent book, Rumiko Takahashi: Colors 1978-2024, as well as her 35th anniversary book that comes with removable genuine sketches, plus the first volume of the Inuyasha manga (original Japanese version). The doll I used was the Asian sister of Ariel from the live action Little Mermaid, but I cut her hair and styled it differently, painted some age lines on her face, removed her pink eyeshadow, and gave her some glasses. I also gave her a curvy body with the same articulation that dolls in this series have - movement at the shoulder, elbow, wrist, hip, and knee. Because I'm that much of a perfectionist. :D

Doll in the Inspiring Women box. The scene behind her is an actual photo of Rumiko Takahashi's studio.

Back of the box, all made by me based on actual Inspiring Women boxes.

Fun facts: Takahashi has never been married, and she has stated in interviews that she doesn't plan to. In addition, she works with women exclusively as she writes and creates. She has specifically said that she wouldn't hire a male assistant because he would be "troublesome." She prefers the atmosphere of a studio of women working together without distraction. Her work stands out among other shonen pieces because of its creativity, complex characters, and nuanced romances. Her woman and girl characters are never accessories to the guy hero, which was often the case in early shonen stories, especially. Takahashi often likes to implement strong, independent, multi-facetted female characters in leading roles into her stories. Talk about girl power!

Now for more information as to why she's so deserving of having her own doll in my collection. :D Strap in, because this post is a doozy!

BIO: Rumiko Takahashi (born Oct. 10, 1957) is the best-selling female comic artist of all time, selling more than 170 million copies of her work in Japan alone, and one of the names by which to reckon the evolution of anime. She is one of the wealthiest women in Japan, all of her longer running manga have become TV series, and nearly everything she has written has been adapted into animation (OVA or TV). Perhaps more importantly, her influence and the nature of her series since 1980 have been cited as large contributors to the perception and acceptance of anime as a medium today.

Rumiko with her new Colors book. Outfit inspired by the one she wore when receiving her knighthood.

All of Takahashi’s work has become popular throughout the world, and with more than 20 years of publishing her manga art, she earned the title of The Princess of Manga.

Takahashi's professional career began in 1978 when she was a university student. That year, she worked on her first full-length series entitled Urusei Yatsura. It became one of the most loved manga and anime comedies in Japan. In 1980, when she began to publish regularly, she began her second major series, Maison Ikkoku. This series is now considered to be one of the all-time best manga romances.

As her stories appeared and attracted many fans, Takahashi grew in popularity as an artist while improving her writing and artistic abilities. In 1987, a huge year for her career success, three of her most well-known stories ended and she began work on Ranma ½. The series continued for nearly a decade until 1996, when it ended at 38 volumes. Ranma ½ and its anime adaptation are cited as some of the first of their mediums to have become popular in the United States. While publishing Ranma ½, Takahashi was hospitalized several times for peritonitis. But even during her second hospital stay, the series did not stop.

35th anniversary book has removable sketches - real photos actually drawn by the artist. The background is an actual photo of her basement (note all her figures!)

During the latter half of the 1990s, Takahashi began her fourth major work, Inuyasha. With this series, Takahashi is also often said to be the first woman to successfully set foot in the Shōnen genre and leave a lasting impact on it. To date, Inuyasha is her longest-running series, ending in 2008. In 2020, it received a sequel series titled Yashahime: Princess Half Demon.

In the basement library (actually in her home) with the first volume of the Inuyasha manga.

On July 30, 2008, Takahashi noted her 30th anniversary as a mangaka, and on July 8, 2009, during Shonen Sunday's 50th anniversary celebration, characters from three of her most popular series (Urusei Yatsura, Ranma ½, and Inuyasha) joined together in a short crossover to welcome everyone to the celebratory milestone. That same year, VIZ Media, one of the entertainment industry’s most innovative and comprehensive publishing, animation and licensing companies, announced the launch of a brand new imprint, Shonen Sunday, featuring the works of some of the top shonen manga creators in the world today. Takahashi's series RIN-NE was the first to be featured in the new imprint, and was the first manga novel ever to be published simultaneously in Japan and North America.

In her studio showing off genuine sketches. Featured here: Featured here: Lum from Urusei Yatsura, the Tendo house from Ranma 1/2, and Inuyasha character heights. This outfit is inspired by the one she wore at the Rumic World 30th anniversary ribbon-cutting.

Early in her career, Takahashi expressed that though she doesn't write love stories often, she loves a good love story. While none of her works are straightforward romances, many of her works early and later on have compelling romance subplots that are integral to the characters and world. Her works like Inuyasha and Ranma 1/2 are known for their romances. Takahashi's romances are varied, and they are trendsetting. They set the standard for popular romance tropes like slow-burn romances and love triangles. The love triangle between Kagome, Kikyo, and Inuyasha is one of the most iconic in all anime.

In her studio showing off genuine sketches. Featured here: Ranma from Ranma 1/2, Lum from Urusei Yatsura, and Mao and Kiba from Mao.

In her studio showing off genuine sketches. Featured here: Yashahime, Inuyasha 20th anniversary, and Inuyasha, Kagome, and Moroha.

Outfit inspired by the one worn during the Rumic World 30th anniversary ribbon cutting.

HONORS: * Takahashi won the New Comic Artist Award in 1978. * Winner of the 1994 Inkpot Award at The San Diego Comic Con in America. *In 2016, ComicsAlliance listed Takahashi as one of 12 women cartoonists deserving of lifetime achievement recognition, stating that "any one of her projects would be the career highlight of another talent." In 2017, Takahashi was inducted into the Science Fiction and Fantasy Hall of Fame as part of the 2016 class. *In July 2018, Takahashi was inducted into the Eisner Hall of Fame. She was previously nominated for entry in 2014, 2016 and 2017. *In January 2019, Takahashi won the grand prize at the prestigious Angouleme International Comics Festival in France, becoming the second woman and second Japanese manga artist to win the award at the festival. * In 2020, Takahashi was awarded Japan's Medal with Purple Ribbon. First awarded in 1955, this honor is awarded to individuals who have contributed to academic and artistic developments, improvements, and accomplishments. * Takahashi was inducted into the Harvey Awards Hall of Fame in October 2021. The Harvey Awards are one of the comic industry's oldest and most prestigious awards. Recognizing outstanding achievement in multiple categories, the Harvey's have been a fixture of the comic industry since 1988. * In April 2023, Takahashi was conferred the Chevalier de l'Ordre des Arts et des Lettres (Order of Arts and Letters) by the French government. She is the first female mangaka to receive this honor.

Books: 35th anniversary (with removable genuine sketches inside), Colors: 1978-2024, and volume 1 of the Inuyasha manga.

Genuine sketches, all fit inside the 35th anniversary book.

Source photos (first is from being bestowed a Knight of the Order of Arts and Letters, second is from the Rumic World 30th anniversary ribbon cutting in 2008):

[mendeshoney]

you know my weakness is you (act two)

author's note: um...hello? is this thing on? sorry i've been away and that it took me a literal year and a few days to post part two to this story. also i meant to post this eariler but i am at home visiting family so i didn't realize this was not queued to post in est until literally right now. i appreciate everyone's love and patience in the meantime and hope you enjoy!

as a reminder - this character is a WOC and is plus sized bc...well, that's what I know as a person and it's kinda time I start actually trying to write like it. so let's just pretend there's a world where POC plus sized hockey wags can exist, mkay? i'm also manipulating some of the other wags of the team, so, that is also happening.

tags/warnings in no particular order: 18+, angst, enemies to lovers, miscommunication, unintentional secrets, insecurity, original female character, WOC character, consensual unprotected sex

word count: ~14,125

(read act one here)

When Mat sleeps, he dreams of Summer.

Mat dreams of her, craves her, wants nothing more than to have and to hold her.

He dreams of the words his captain spoke to him almost a week ago.

I’m telling you not to take this risk. This whole ‘I hate you but now I like you’ risk. And especially not with Summer.

She can’t go through that again.

And whether you want to admit it or not, there’s something between the two of you, and if it goes wrong, it’s going to be really, really bad.

If you’re not serious about her, leave her alone.

He thinks back through all of the horrible things he’d ever said to her, how even though he knew in his heart he was miles ahead of her shitty ex, he still wasn’t the type of person to deserve her, but dammit, that didn’t mean he wasn’t about to try.

Mat knows that he seriously wants Summer. Wants her desperately, has wanted her since the moment they met even though she pushed him away. And he’d wanted just one chance to prove to her that he’d make it worth her while, and he got more than enough.

Except now, it seemed his captain was going to be the one to put a stop to it.

After Mat had slept with Summer and Anders had given Mat his words of warning, the captain backed it up after practice a couple of days later, making it very clear to Mat how he felt about the idea.

“I can see in your eyes you’re not hearing what I said, so I’ll repeat it. Stay away from Summer.”

Mat had blinked at Anders, completely shocked and also thankful they were having this discussion away from the rest of the team.

“What?”

“Stay away, Mat.” Anders repeated, more serious and almost angry. “It’s not that I don’t like you, and it’s not that I don’t think you’re a good person. But you cannot be with Summer. At all.”

Mat bit back his snarky response, instead choosing his words carefully. “Is this about Sabrina?”

Anders shook his head. “This isn’t about Sabrina. This is about Summer.”

“What, are you in love with her or something?”

That was probably the wrong thing to say. Anders’ nostrils flared and he narrowed his eyes at Mat, jabbing a finger into Mat’s chest.

“Listen, Mat. I’ve known Summer since she was sixteen, she’s been my little sister in every sense of the word just as much as she’s been Sabrina’s, and I’ve seen her go through way too much and put up with way too much to allow you to come in just because she’s suddenly single and you’ve suddenly got the notion that you can do better than her ex boyfriend. I’m telling you right now, based on what I’ve seen? How your dynamic works? You can’t. And I don’t want you dating her.”

“That’s not up to you.” Mat said, moving Anders’ hand away. “That’s Summer’s choice. If she wants to be with me, she can be.”

“Then make it her choice not to be with you.” His captain responded, and it was exactly the ultimatum it sounded like. 

“And how do you propose I do that?” Mat bit back sarcastically. 

“You’ve been bickering since you met, and you’ve not done a single thing for her that shows that you care about her, or that you like her. Just because you slept with her once doesn’t mean you’re in love and need to be in a relationship. That’s not how it works.”

Mat scoffed. “Why are you speaking to me like I’m a kid?” 

“Because you’re acting like one.” Anders spat. “You’re acting like a child who thinks he’s in love after one time.”

“What if I’ve loved her the whole time?” Mat countered, completely serious.

Anders didn’t even blink, just laughed and shook his head. “Love? You’re joking, right? None of what you have is love, Mat. It’s not, it never has been, and it never will be. I’m telling you right now, before you take it any further, before it gets too deep. Stay. Away.”

Before Mat could respond, could tell Anders to either go fuck himself or try to plead his case, his captain walked away, and Mat knew in his gut he meant every word.

But…it already is too deep.

And he’s about to disobey his captain.

~

Despite her better judgment, Summer finds herself smiling when she walks into the small cafe shop, seeing Mat tucked into a table in the corner with her favorite iced coffee and favorite breakfast plate already ordered and sitting in front of him alongside his own order.

He’d texted her this morning, almost a week since they’d last seen one another, suggesting that they meet up to talk about what had happened in her room at Sabrina’s house.

When he’d given her the best two orgasms she’d ever had in her life, then asked her not to run, admitted to her that he liked her.

Mat Barzal.

Liked her. 

The thought made her both giddy and confused at the same time, admittedly completely unfamiliar with the rush of butterflies she’d been feeling everytime she found herself thinking about Mat, or reading a text from him.

They hadn’t seen each other since that time in her bedroom, Mat being too busy with pre-season training and practice, and Summer didn’t completely mind it. She had work as well, and was still helping Sabrina and Anders out with their wedding planning. 

Even so, seeing him after a week almost felt like she hadn’t seen him in months, and Summer knew in her heart that was probably something she should pay attention to a little more.

The butterflies, the anticipation, the giddiness - it was all quite a bit considering their history, but there was a part of it that just kind of…made sense?

Sabrina had teased her the night before when she’d been over to help her finalize the floral arrangement details. “It’s like when mom used to tell us that the boys who picked on us only did it because they liked us.”

Summer had laughed a little, and Anders, who had been sitting with them to finalize the boutonniere designs for the men’s tuxedos, had scoffed. “They’re not kids though, babe.”

Anders had seemed…apprehensive, to say the least, about her and Mat, but when Summer had asked him about it, Anders had just said “I’m not worried,” so she left it at that. Whatever it meant.

The closer she got to the table where Mat was sitting though, the more all of her concerns and worries faded away. 

Mat looks up as she approaches, pocketing his phone and giving Summer a wide smile. He stands to greet her, his hands cupping her face and offering her sweet kisses, murmuring how he thinks she looks pretty today in between each peck.

She’s sure she’s blushing beneath the bronze of her skin, and the smile she gives him in return is probably showing just how happy she feels at this moment.

“I’m sorry,” she says, “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“No need to be sorry princess,” he says. “You’re right on time.”

Summer smiles, taking her seat across from him and taking a sip of her coffee.

Mat watches her with a smile on his face, laying his hand out on the table, palm up. She raises a brow, but puts her hand in his anyway, waiting.

“We should probably talk about all this, shouldn’t we?” He says.

Summer shrugs, “If you want to.”

“I just want to know that you want this, too.” Mat offers, playing with the rings decorating her fingers. “We don’t have to talk, because as far as I’m concerned, if we both want this, then there’s nothing to talk about.”

She assesses Mat quietly as she takes in his words, thinking about the dynamics of their relationship.

“I think we maybe owe it to each other to at least clear the air, don’t you?” 

He nods, thumb rubbing the back of her hand gently. “I’ll start. I never hated you, not even a little bit. You got on my nerves a little, but I never hated you. I think I just acted that way because I thought you hated me first.”

Summer blinks a little, not expecting that right away. “I didn’t hate you, Mat.”

“It kind of felt like it.” He admits, but his eyes are playful, letting Summer know he’s not upset by it.

She thinks back to the day they met. His curious gaze as it ran over her body, how back then she couldn’t handle scrutiny like that from anyone, good or bad, because she could only ever see it as bad. 

A man like Mat looking at a plus size woman of color like Summer didn’t exactly always spell out happy endings.

She’d let her insecurities get the better of her then, let it push them both into something that maybe neither of them wanted. 

But still, they’d gotten here in the end, didn’t they?

“I think I just…I think we got off on the wrong foot.” She admits. “I never hated you either, I think I just felt…unsure.”

“Of me?” 

“Maybe you, maybe myself. I don’t know.” She says.

“Well now that it’s established that we don’t hate each other, and that you know that I like you, how do you feel?”

Butterflies.

Anticipation.

Giddiness.

Like a teenager in love for the first time.

Summer ignores all of that and shrugs playfully. “I suppose I might like you, too.”

The kilowatt smile that breaks out on Mat’s face is one Summer is probably going to remember for the rest of her life. He’s looking at her like she just hung the sun, moon, and the stars in the galaxy, crafting the heavens and given it to him.

“I can work with that.” He says, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it gently. “I’ll be happy to work with that.”

Her heart hammers in her chest, and as they dig into their breakfast, she can’t help but feel like she should’ve made this decision a lot sooner.

~

Mat wakes up to Summer cuddled against his side, and he quickly silences his alarm, wishing for nothing more than the opportunity to lay in bed with her for the rest of the day - the rest of time at this point.

Carefully, he untangles himself from her, making sure she’s sound asleep and tucked back in while he heads to the bathroom to start getting ready for training and practice. Once he’s brushed his teeth, he heads out and into the kitchen, going about making himself breakfast and getting food ready for Summer for when she wakes up later.

He checks his phone, spotting a text from Anders in the team group chat reminding everyone of the start time today at the facility. 

Mat tries not to get pissed off before the day even starts.

Anders has been nothing but a pain in his ass since he and Summer started seeing one another, almost as if he knows Mat never had any intention of listening to him and knows that Summer’s been in his bed nearly every night since that conversation.

Whatever. Mat doesn’t give a shit.

He’s not a kid, Anders isn’t his dad, and he’s not Summer’s keeper. He and Summer can do whatever they want, and if Anders wants to throw his weight around as captain Mat can handle it, but he’s not giving Summer up.

Once he’s about ready to go, he heads back into his bedroom to grab a hoodie and his gym bag, surprised to find that Summer’s awake, laying on her side, putting her phone down and greeting him with a soft smile when he steps inside. 

Mat’s heart literally nearly leaps from his chest to lay at her side.

Her curly hair rests on the pillow beneath her like a gentle halo, full breasts pushing at the fabric of Mat’s shirt she wore to bed. His shirt’s risen up a little and is showing a glimpse of the skin of her stomach, the blankets pooled a little bit above her waist.

She beckons Mat to her playfully, and he goes easily, climbing onto the bed and kissing her without a second to waste, slightly surprised by the minty taste of her mouth.

“You've been up long?” He murmurs to her, and she shakes her head.

“Maybe about ten minutes or so?” She says. “I thought you’d already left, so I was getting ready to go see Sabrina.”

“More wedding stuff today?” He asks, bending his head and pushing her hair over her shoulder so he can leave soft kisses on her neck.

She nods, letting out content sounds as his lips move. “Yeah, figuring out the seating chart for Anders’ side.”

Mat pauses at that, and pulls back, staring at Summer curiously. She hadn’t mentioned anything about Anders voicing his recent distaste for Mat to her, but still.

“Has he been different towards you? You know, since we…” His voice trails off.

Summer shakes her head. “Not really? He seemed apprehensive about it, but he hasn’t been different. Why? Has he said something to you?”

Mat hesitates, unsure of what and how much to tell Summer.

“He’s…not exactly happy about the two of us at the minute.” Mat begins, but as he speaks, he can see the fire in Summer’s eyes begin to build. Since he’s all too familiar with where that might lead, he immediately backtracks, making the decision to not tell her the whole truth. “It’s fine, just…maybe don’t talk about us in front of or around him for now, okay?”

“Don’t?” Summer asks, and at the fact that Mat can see the fire dissipate for a little, he nods, still careful with his words. 

“Not that I want to keep us a secret, or anything like that, I just don’t want him to say something to you about it, or have him get upset at you. He’s just trying to be a good brother in law, is all, I’m sure. Just let me handle it, okay?”

Summer nods, smiling sweetly. “Okay, I won’t say anything, I promise.”

Mat smiles, kissing her again, not complaining when Summer turns the kiss a little dirty, running her tongue against his lips gently. He pulls away again, quickly checking the time on his phone and smirking when he sees he’s got about fifteen minutes before he absolutely has to leave.

He really only needs five.

When he looks back at her, he’s got a cheshire grin on his face that Summer’s eyes twinkle at. 

“Are you still in the same state you went to bed in?” He asks. 

Summer smiles, nodding. Mat immediately rips the covers off of her, exposing her bare lower half, and Mat’s cock throbs at the memory.

Last night, after they’d showered and gotten ready for bed, Mat had cuddled up against her, wrapped her in his arms and tried very hard to not focus on how soft she felt against him, about how good it felt to have her there, how warm her body was.

She’d rested her leg on his waist, propping herself open, and Mat had dipped his fingers under the blanket to play with her, his sanity completely disappearing when he felt how wet she was for him. He’d torn her underwear off her not long after, fucking her slow and gentle until she shook in his embrace, his name falling from her lips in satisfaction.

Now, he shuffles himself down the bed till he’s nestled between her beautiful thighs, and Summer looks down at him curiously.

“Thought you had to leave for practice?”

“I’ve got plenty of time,” he says. “Plus, this is way more important than practice.”

Summer starts to protest, maybe to say something smart back to him, but whatever her response was going to be dies on her lips the second Mat’s mouth latches onto her skin.

~

Summer feels like she’s practically skipping as she heads into Sabrina’s house, bouncing off the balls of her feet in happiness. 

After Mat had managed to coax about three orgasms out of her just with his mouth and fingers before leaving for practice this morning, she felt like she could just about do anything. Especially with the way he speaks to her the whole time.

She’d enjoyed bickering with him before all of this, but it wasn’t until she reflected on the first two times they’d fooled around that she realized Mat loves dirty talk, and that he’s particularly good at it. 

The second she enters Sabrina’s house though, she shoves those thoughts aside and tries to tone down the happiness, especially with Sabrina staring at Summer like she’s got three heads.

“What are you so chipper about this morning?” Sabrina asks, eyeing her over the rim of her mug as she sips her coffee.

“Nothing,” Summer dismisses all too quickly.

“Mhm,” Sabrina says, raising a brow. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain winger, would it?”

“Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t.” She responds, resting her purse on the counter and going about making a cup of coffee for herself.

“How are you two doing?”

“We’re fine,” Summer says. “Happy.”

“That’s good,” Sabrina says genuinely. “I’m glad. Anders will be happy to know you haven’t killed each other.”

At that, Summer remembers Mat’s words from this morning, and turns to her sister with a slightly serious expression. “Could you maybe…not tell him?”

Sabrina blinks at Summer. “Why?”

“I just…I know how protective he is, and I don’t think he’s a fan of the idea. I just don’t want to put Mat in a bad spot. Could you maybe just…keep it to yourself? About Mat and I?”

“You want me to keep it from my husband that my little sister and his star winger are dating?”

Summer sighs. “Please, Sabi? Just this once, I am asking you not to tell your husband every little thing about your life and mine.”

Sabrina eyes her warily, but agrees. “Alright. But is this because Mat doesn’t want anyone to know you’re dating? Or something else?”

“It’s like I said, Anders is protective, he’s not a fan, and the season’s about to start. I don’t want to put Mat in a bad spot.”

Summer can see that there’s something in Sabrina’s eyes that makes her want to push this more, to understand, but thankfully, she drops it. 

Truthfully, she’s not sure where Anders’ apprehension is coming from, or why, but it’s clear he and Mat are at odds about it, and Summer trusts Mat enough to handle it, and enjoy their time together in the meantime.

~

After practice, as Mat is walking out to his car, he hears Anders’ call his name. Internally, he groans, not wanting to deal with his bullshit right now, but he knows it’s better to just get this over with now so he doesn’t have to put up with it for the rest of the season.

He turns, his face completely deadpan as Anders approaches.

“Did you think about what I said?” Anders asks.

Mat rolls his eyes. “Yeah, been thinking about it non-stop.”

Anders doesn’t look amused. “I wasn’t joking, Mat. I meant it.”

Mat feels the instinct to ball his fists, but he refrains.

He doesn’t care that this is his friend and captain, and doesn't care how long Anders has known Summer. Anders doesn’t get to just rock up and tell Mat who he can and can’t have feelings for. 

Whatever Mat and Summer’s relationship was like in the past is theirs to work through, and if Anders doesn’t like it, then fine.

He doesn’t need to fucking know.

“I’m aware.” Mat says. “I took care of it.”

Anders raises an eyebrow. “Took care of what?”

“We’re not together.” Mat says, the lie slipping easily through his teeth. “We’re not dating, not seeing each other, not falling in love, just like you asked. Your precious sister in law is perfectly fine high in her tower.”

Anders stares at him, probably gauging to see if he’s telling the truth, but Mat’s expression doesn’t falter. After a few moments, Anders visibly relaxes. “You two fought again, didn’t you?”

Mat scoffs. “Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. That’s not the point. The point is you got what you wanted.”

“It’s for the best, Mat.” Anders insists, reaching out to rest a “captainly” hand on Mat’s shoulder, but Mat steps away, shaking his head.

“Whatever. See you tomorrow.”

Mat gets in his car, pulling out of the team lot and heading home, a smug feeling settling in his chest that Anders has no idea Summer will most definitely be waiting for him when he gets there.

~

“You got a little something on your face, Princess” Mat says, “Riiight…here,” and leaning in, he drops his spoon into his bowl of ice cream, grabs Summer’s face between his hands, and peppers kisses all over her face, working from one corner of her mouth to the other.

Summer giggles wildly beneath his lips, eyes shut tight as she tries to hold onto her own bowl and spoon under the assault of Mat’s kisses. 

She felt like her laugh lines were getting deeper and deeper with each passing day she spent with Mat, wrapped up in his embrace or under the constant receiving end of his affection and attention. It had been a little over a month of this now, this work in progress relationship. 

From what she knew, things between Anders and Mat were still a bit tense, but Mat reassured her that things were fine. It was just Anders finding it difficult to have a teammate date a family member, Mat had explained to her, and that he just needed time to come to terms with it. Summer could understand, so to be safe, and to make it easier on everyone, she continued to avoid speaking about Mat around Anders, and even shared a little less with Sabrina, just in case.

Knowing Sabrina, it only took a couple of glasses of wine for her to spill the beans, so it was better to say less than say more.

There had been a couple of times that they’d all been at Anders and Sabrina’s house, Summer there for wedding things and Mat there for team things, when they’d sneak off and fool around for a little bit with no one being the wiser, but Summer found it more fun than anything.

They’d just gotten back from a dinner date a little bit ago, Mat making them ice cream sundaes to have for dessert before bed after Summer admitted she had a small craving.

Once he finishes his onslaught of kisses, Mat reaches for the canister of whipped cream, spraying a little more onto her bowl and his own before digging back in. 

The TV’s playing a movie on Netflix, and when he turns his attention back to the screen, it brings Summer’s eyes to the time on his DVR box.

“Don’t forget we have dinner tomorrow night at Sabrina and Anders’ house.”

Mat groans. “Their pre-wedding late engagement party thing, right?”

Summer hums in confirmation, taking another bite of her ice cream. “Yeah. They didn’t throw one when they first got engaged since they were in Marbella, so they’re having it now while some of Anders’ family is in town for the home opener.”

“Speaking of the home opener,” Mat says, then puts his bowl down, walking off to his room before coming back, an Islanders Pro Shop bag in his hand. He hands it to Summer, who eyes it warily.

“Is this what I think it is?” She asks.

Mat shrugs, grabbing his bowl and digging back in. “What do you think it is?”

“An Islanders branded dildo?”

Mat chokes in surprise as Summer laughs, enjoying how easy it is to make him flustered.

She turns the bag upside down and is only mildly surprised when the jersey falls into her lap, the bright blue and orange and white staring at her like a neon sign.

“Would you prefer that I wear this?” She asks. “Are you going to ask me to only wear this once we get back home?”

Mat laughs, shaking his head as he puts his finally empty bowl to the side. “You wear whatever you want, baby, however you want to wear it.”

Summer smiles at him, then pauses. “Wearing this to the game probably wouldn’t be a good idea, what with Anders and all.”

Mat frowns. He’d clearly forgotten about that part, but shrugs. He reaches over, playing with the hem of Summer’s dress where it rests against her thigh. “Then I suppose you will have to wear it once we get home.” 

Summer smirks as Mat moves and wraps a hand around her ankle, maneuvering her until she’s laying with her back on the floor, watching him through curious eyes.

“And what else would you propose I wear?” She asks, watching as Mat removes her underwear and then reaches for the whipped cream canister, squirting out a dollop onto her clit.

“Nothing, if we’re being honest.” He says, rearranging himself to lay between her legs. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Princess, it’s a little rude to talk with my mouth full.”

Summer’s giggles dissipate into moans as Mat’s tongue licks away the whipped cream, the fabric of his jersey gripped tightly between her fingers as he enjoys his second dessert.

~

Mat leans back against the sofa in Sabrina and Anders’ living room, a little bit of tension leaving his shoulders now that Anders’ family has left and it’s just a few guys from the team, some of Sabrina’s friends, and Summer left behind. 

Everyone’s settled into the living room to wind down and chat a little before they all head home, and Mat watches as Anders’ has to keep a hand on Sabrina’s waist while she sits down. Summer told him that she’d had three glasses of wine because of how nervous she still got around Anders’ family, but it hardly affected her throughout the night. Now though, it seemed that since his family was gone, the anxiety and nerves were also gone, and the wine was catching up to her pretty quickly.

Summer was the last to make her way into the living room, and after a quick scan, found the only open seat left was next to Mat on the sofa. He was aware of Anders’ stare the entire time Summer made her way over, only breaking away once Summer sat down and Sabrina said something to him.

Mat barely listened to the conversation going on around him, too aware of the fact that Anders was watching them both like a hawk and that he was trying his best to behave. 

At one point, Summer must have started to feel exhausted, because he could hear the way her breathing began to even out, and then, her head gently landed on his shoulder. Tito saw it as well from his spot, and smiled at Mat.

That drew Sabrina’s attention, and she cooed, reaching out to gently wake Summer.

“Been a long day hasn’t it babes?” Sabrina asked, and Summer blinked the sleep out of her eyes.

“Sorry,” she says, then recognizing she’s still leaning against Mat, she blushes, smiling shyly when she repeats “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he assures, trying to seem flippant about it. “I don’t mind.”

“You two are such a cute couple.” Sabrina says through a laugh as she observes them, and the silence that follows is almost deafening.

“Who?” Tito asks stupidly. 

“Summer and Mat, obviously.” Sabrina says, and the second it’s out of her mouth, realization hits and her expression changes.

Damn wine.

“I mean-” Sabrina tries to backtrack, but it’s too late.

“Mathew, can I speak to you for a moment? Outside.” Anders says, his tone of voice making it clear that it’s not a request, but a demand. 

Anders heads out to the backyard, and Summer looks at Mat wearily. “Mat, you don’t-”

“No, it’s okay, Princess.” He promises, pressing a kiss to her temple and ignoring the apologetic look Sabrina tosses his way. He heads out after Anders without another word, walking up to where he’s waiting by the pool bar.

“What the fuck did you do?” Anders demands, pushing Mat the second he gets closer.

Mat finds restraint deep in his well of patience, deciding it would still not be a good idea to punch his captain in the face. 

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been seeing Summer? This whole time, you’ve been dating?”

“Maybe we have. What does it matter to you?” 

“I told you to stay away from her.” Anders spits, pointing a finger in Mat’s face. “I told you to stay away and you didn’t listen. And you somehow thought hiding this behind my back was a good idea?!”

“And I told you that you didn’t get to tell me who I did and didn’t get to have feelings for.” 

Anders laughs bitterly. “Oh so now it’s feelings? At the beginning of all this you said you were in love with her, and now it’s just feelings? Make up your mind, Mat.”

“I do have feelings for her! I do love her!”

“No you fucking don’t,” Anders spits. “You haven’t loved her a single day since you started sneaking around and lying about this relationship.”

“What else was I supposed to do? You made it very clear you didn’t want me around her and I made it very clear that that wasn’t your choice to make. So I did what you asked and let Summer make the choice for us both.”

“What is he talking about?”

Summer’s voice cuts through the night air like a knife to the gut, and Mat turns to find her staring at the both of them. 

She looks like an angel, hair blowing in the wind, the skirt of her dress flowing out beside her, the backyard lights casting a heavenly glow around her. 

But it’s her face that breaks Mat’s heart. Her face says she heard everything, and even though she’s standing right there, Mat can tell she’s already a million miles away from him. 

God dammit.

He couldn’t catch a fucking break today, could he?

“Summer,” Anders says, using his brotherly voice with her. “Go back inside.”

“No,” she says, and the tone of voice she’s using is one she’s only ever used against Mat when they used to be at odds. 

That used to feel like a lifetime ago, but Mat knows for sure that it’s probably coming back to him sooner than he’d like. 

“Summer-” Anders tries again, but Summer won’t hear it.

“No,” she repeats, taking a step closer to them. “You told him to stay away from me? Tried to stop him from dating me?”

“I was just trying to-” 

Summer holds up a hand, effectively silencing Anders, then turns to Mat. “And you. You said you wanted to keep quiet about us until you and Anders reached an understanding. But really, the whole time, you told him we weren’t seeing each other?”

“Summer, I can explain, I-”

“You said you didn’t want to keep us a secret.” She continues talking like Mat never said a single word. “But really, you just didn’t want to be the one keeping a secret. You wanted me to do it for you.”

The night air is suddenly heavy and silent, Anders and Mat staring at the ground in shame, nothing left to say. 

Summer scoffs bitterly. “Unbelievable.”

The click of her heels on the pavement has Mat’s head snapping up, his feet immediately moving when he sees she’s walking away. Anders is hot on their heels, following as Summer heads back into the house, noticing Sabrina and the others with their attention on Summer as she heads for her purse, then straight for the door.

“Summer?” Sabrina asks, concerned.

Summer says nothing, and Mat calls for her, but she keeps walking.

The three of them follow Summer out to the driveway, and Mat breaks into a sprint then, managing to get in front of her to block her path. 

“Princess please, just listen for a second-”

“Get out of my way, Mathew.” She says.

It’s the tone of voice that almost has him frozen in his spot. There’s no anger, no heat.

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Princess, I-”

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Okay, I’m sorry, Summer, I’m so sorry. But you don’t understand, I just wanted us to-”

“It doesn’t matter.” She says, placing a hand on his chest. “I don’t have the energy to deal with this right now. Please move.”

Mat wants to do anything but that, but he knows he probably won’t get anywhere with her about it tonight, so he does as she asks, and steps aside. By the time Anders catches up to them, she’s in her car and backing out of the driveway.

Mat feels like she’s taking his heart with her.

~

Summer sighs, spinning in the mirror and pursuing her lips as she examines the fifth maid of honor gown Sabrina’s managed to coax her into in the last hour. 

They’re at the Vera Wang Bridal House on Fifth Avenue, where Alex, one of Sabrina’s oldest pageant friends and bridesmaids, works as the manager. She’s been diligently helping Sabrina and Summer find the right maid of honor dress with the wedding only a couple of weeks away, and also helping to talk Sabrina out of some of the more less than ideal options.

The dress Summer’s trying on now is in the exact shade of what Sabrina’s been calling “champagne rose gold,” that she picked as one of her wedding colors, a spaghetti strap gown that accentuates Summer’s curves and compliments her shape. 

But it still doesn’t feel…well, like something Summer would wear, at least not as the maid of honor to her sister’s wedding. 

“I don’t know, Sabi,” she mutters, examining the way the silk falls against her body. “I like it, but it could be better.”

She looks in the mirror towards her sister, the bride to be, watching as she frowns, cocking her head to the side. “You’re right. The Lou's nice on you but the color’s a little off.” Sabrina turns toward the rack of dresses, pointing at one of the racks and then turning to Alex, smiling sweetly when she asks “Can we see the Lourdes, the Joelle, the Evelyne, the Diane, and the Vaness?”

Summer blanches. “Not the Vaness.” 

Sabrina raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at her. “Why not?” 

“Sabi,” Summer deadpans. “The v-neck on that dress is deeper than the Mariana Trench. My boobs would be all over the place.”

“Your boobs would look amazing in it.” Sabi insists, turning to Alex. “Right?”

Summer sends Alex a pleading look over Sabrina’s head, and Alex smiles, shaking her head. “Your sister’s at least a 38D and the Vaness can barely hold a 36C. I’d say ax the Vaness, and if you want to see a v-neck option, we can look at the Vanetta and the Varun instead. They’re a little more stable.” 

Sabrina hums, then nods. “Alright, I’ll accept the alternative.” 

“Thank you,” Summer says with a grateful sigh, and Alex sends her a wink before pulling the six gowns off the rack and putting them in Summer’s dressing room before heading back out to join Sabrina.

When Summer shuts the dressing room door, she carefully takes off the gown she has on and puts it back on its hangar before reaching for the next one.

Just as she’s zipping up the Lourdes, her phone vibrates in her purse from where it's resting on the chair beside her. She ignores it, focusing on adjusting the sweetheart neckline and the tulle of the train of the down when it goes off again, and then again, and then again, before it starts to vibrate with the frequency of a phone call.

She assumes it’s their father, calling on behalf of their mother to pester Summer for details on the fitting since Sabrina probably won’t answer.

Sabrina and their mom had gone shopping for her ‘mother of the bride’ dress last week and Sabrina was not pleased after her mother insisted on needing three dresses - one for the ceremony, one for the cocktail hour, and one for the reception. Sabrina was still a little upset, and their dad had been playing the middle man ever since.

Fussing with the zipper with one hand, and reaching blindly in her purse for her phone with the other, Summer answers her phone without even looking, immediately saying “Tata, okay naman kami. You don’t have to keep calling, just tell mom I’ll send her a picture of my dress when I’m done. Lalo lang itong makakainis kay Sabrina.”

From outside her dressing room, she can hear Sabrina snort in agreement. 

There’s a small pause on the other line, and for a second Summer worries that she’d been on speakerphone and their mother was about to scream down the line, but then she hears someone clear their throat before they say “I uh…I’m not your dad, and I didn’t understand a lot of that.”

Summer blinks, her heart plummeting to her stomach. She lets go of the zipper of the dress that she’d finally managed to pull up, then slowly pulls her phone away from her ear. When the screen lights up, and the contact name “13” shows up on her phone, she gasps in part shock and part anger, the phone slipping from her hand and clattering to the hardwood floor of her dressing room.

She wasn’t expecting that.

He’d been silent these last couple of weeks, giving her space after everything that had happened, so him calling so suddenly was…strange. 

And Summer was definitely not prepared to speak to him today. Especially when she hadn’t sorted out how she felt and how she’d go about handling this ridiculous situation.

The noise alerts Alex and Sabrina, who Summer can hear scramble to their feet before they start knocking on the door. 

“Summer,” Sabrina calls. “Are you okay in there?”

“Do you need help?” Alex offers.

Summer takes a deep breath, trying to calm her sudden racing heart and staring at her phone in total offense. She can hear Mat going “Hello? Summer?” and prays Sabrina and Alex can’t hear him at all.

“I’m fine,” Summer croaks out. “Just dropped my phone.”

She quickly bends down, grabbing her phone and ending the call, turning off her phone, and tossing it back into her purse. Quickly, she looks in the mirror, adjusting the dress one final time and fixing her hair. 

There’s a slight flush to her cheeks, and she schools her facial expression, pointing at her reflection in the mirror as if to say “Get your shit together,” before squaring her shoulders and opening the door.

“What about this one?” Summer asks, pasting on her best “nothing to see here” smile. 

Sabrina and Alex exchange suspicious glances, and Summer promptly ignores them.

And also especially ignores the way her heart hasn’t stopped pounding in her chest since hearing Mat’s voice.

~

Mat looks down at his phone one more time, then back at Summer’s building. 

He hadn’t seen her since everything that had gone down at Sabrina and Anders’ place, and she’d been ignoring his texts and calls, save the one she definitely didn’t mean to answer the other day.

Part of him knows it’s because she’s probably upset at him and Anders for lying to her, but before, when she was upset, he was used to her arguing with him, with her still being around.

All this space and silence was new, and he didn’t like it at all.

As he approaches the front of her building, nerves start to creep in. 

What the fuck am I doing here?

The more he wondered, the more he was afraid, the more he thought about her. And the more he thought about her, the more she got under his skin, the more she invaded his dreams, the more he knew he couldn’t waste another second without seeing her, or feeling her one more time.

No matter how badly he may have fucked up. 

There’s a buzz, a loud one, that snaps him back into reality, and he’s surprised when “Come on up!” from Summer's cheery voice greets his ears.

He hears another buzz and the snick of the doors unlocking, so he rushes in without a second thought, taking the elevator to Summer’s floor. 

When he gets to her door, he knocks tentatively, noticing she’s got some door decoration hanging over her peephole, and Mat feels his gut churn irritably. 

“Coming!” Summer calls, and Mat’s heart suddenly starts to thunder in his chest. 

Hold the fuck up. Is she expecting someone?

Blood starts to boil in his veins.

She let me in without even knowing who I was.

He can hear her footsteps getting closer to the door.

Is she…is she going on a date?

The thought is irrational, he knows, but he can’t help but worry about it anyway.

There’s a distinct shattering sound that echoes in his ears. Before he even debates if he has the right to think that, let alone even think of asking it, the door opens and Mat’s eyes are graced with the stunning reality of Summer’s natural beauty.

She’s wearing an oversized graphic t-shirt that has him questioning if she’s even wearing pants, and her long beautiful curls are down, stray curls framing her face, and then those chocolate eyes are staring at him in disbelief and he just-

Fuck.

“Hi.” He breathes, heart in his stomach.

God damn she’s so fucking beautiful.

“Mat?” Summer asks, like she doesn’t believe what’s in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” He begins. “I know it’s been a minute, but-”

“It’s been almost three weeks, actually,” Summer deadpans. “And now isn’t a good time.”

“Expecting someone else?” He all but interrogates, venom quickly seeping into his voice. It’s too easy with Summer, too easy to slip back into their little game, no matter how much he doesn’t want to.

But apparently Summer doesn’t want to either. She gives no indication that she’s heard him, no obvious tell that his irritation is irritating her right back. Her full lips don’t move, remain stoic and perfect and plump and-

God does he want to kiss her.

“Yes, actually.” She tells him. “I have friends coming over, and-”

Mat goes to her before he can think about it. He’s moving into her space, backing her into her apartment and kicking her door shut behind him before he takes her in his arms, spinning them around to press her back into the door and then sinking his hands into her hair, pulling her head back, and kissing her like his life depends on it.

For a moment, time stands still when his lips meet hers. He feels like his universe was knocked off its axis without her, and being close to her again, it’s like everything falls back into place. 

All the tension, all the worry, all the “will she, won’t she,” it all falls away and disappears. 

The only thing that matters is Summer.

Relief instantly floods his veins when he feels her relax against him, when her hands land on his shoulders, and it dissipates just as quickly when she puts just enough pressure under her hands and pushes him away.

Mat backs up, hands dropping away from her altogether, even though his fingertips tingle with the need to reach for her, to bring her back.

Summer looks angry.

“No.” She says firmly. “Absolutely not.”

No no no no no he thinks. Panics.

“Summer, I-” He begins, watching her walk past him and moves further into her living room. 

“No, Mathew. You don’t do what you did and show up here and kiss me and expect me to just forgive you.”

“I’m sorry, I just meant to-”

“I know what you meant. But you still shouldn’t have done it.” Summer spits, all fire and brimstone. “You can’t come here and kiss me like I’m still your dirty little secret.”

“What?” He shakes his head, staring at Summer in disbelief. “You’re not my dirty little secret, Summer. That’s not what this was at all.”

“Yeah,” she rolls her eyes. “Okay.”

“I wanted to tell you the truth,” he insists, swearing, “I just…I just couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t tell me that Anders tried to enforce some stupid rule you didn’t need to listen to because you’re both grown men? Couldn’t tell me that he was being overprotective and that he told you you couldn’t be with me? Couldn’t tell me that you didn’t have the guts to tell him no to his face? What of any of that ‘couldn’t’ you do, Mat?”

Mat frowns. “He’s my captain, Summer.”

“What the fuck does that mean to me? He’s my brother in law. I could’ve handled him on my own, spoken to him and told him to back the fuck off, and Sabrina would’ve told him the same. Instead you made it sound like he knew the whole time but was just having trouble accepting it.”

“You’re right. I handled it terribly, and I’m sorry.”

She stares at him for a second, then nods. “Okay, I accept your apology, now get out.”

His stomach bottoms out. “What?”

“Just leave, Mat.” She says, shaking her head and pointing at her front door behind him. “Just leave.”

He doesn’t know what else to say, doesn’t know what else to do, so he just nods, doing exactly as she asks.

~

Mat lets out a frustrated groan, dropping down to the ice to lay on his back, pain running through his bones as he shuts his eyes.

He can hear a teammate skating closer to where he lays, before feeling the blade of a stick poke him in the side. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Isn’t that the fucking question of the day?

It had been a week since she’d kicked him out and no matter what he did, he couldn’t get the look on her face out of his head, and he couldn’t escape the lingering tingle on his lips after kissing her after spending so much time away from her. 

The reality is that he had Summer, and then he didn’t. And though to everyone else it should seem like that’s normal, that they’ve always been at odds and don’t like each other, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Mat never hated Summer at all, and he never wanted to keep her a secret, but he thought that was his only option, the only way to go about finally being able to have her.

And he still ended up losing her anyway. 

“Nothing.” Mat mutters, keeping his eyes shut and trying to focus on the freezing surface beneath him, wiggling his toes in his skates.

“Looks like something.” He hears Tito mutter as he skates closer. “You’re skating like shit today.”

“Thanks for that babe.” Mat deadpans. “Appreciate it.”

“Did you get dumped or something?” Tito asks again.

Mat’s eyes fly open at that, and he lolls his head to the side to glare at him. “Not so fucking loud, dingus.”

“Well is it true or not?” His best friend presses. 

“I don’t even know if we were officially together in the first place.”

Across the ice, a loud voice echoes. “You’re not gonna be together in the future either if you don’t get your shit together.”

Mat finds himself shooting up into a sitting position, head spinning to look at his captain, who’s already looking at him with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Anders’ mouth presses together in a firm line as he skates closer to Mat and Tito, and when he’s close enough, he jabs Mat in the leg with the blade of his stick. “It means you need to apologize, you idiot.” 

Mat just stares at him. “Thought you said you didn’t want me to be around her?”

“I said I didn’t want you to be around her if you weren’t serious about her. You moping around the locker room, skating like shit, acting like you just got divorced - that tells me that I was wrong about all of this, and that shit might be a little serious.”

Mat stays silent. He’s not exactly sure what to tell his captain at this point. A week ago it would’ve been “Fuck you very much,” but he’s pretty sure Anders is trying to…apologize?

He assesses him carefully, then it clicks. “Summer and Sabrina chewed you out, huh?”

Anders doesn’t look impressed. “I got what was coming to me. Looks like you did, too.” 

Well that he couldn’t deny. 

“I tried to apologize.” Mat admits. “She told me to take a hike.”

Anders scoffs. “Did you expect anything less? And since when do you back down from arguing with her?”

“Like you said, shit’s pretty serious. So…yeah. I backed down and I left when she told me to.”

Tito taps Mat in the leg with his skate gently. “You love her?”

Mat hesitates to answer, not because he’s not sure. He’s pretty sure he does, almost certain, but he’s never said it, not really shown it, and he isn’t sure if Anders is still after his head, so he stays quiet.

Anders sighs. “What do you feel for her, exactly?”

Mat can put it into words, but as he thinks about it, it might not be the best explanation.

I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with Summer since the day I met her, but she hated me on sight, so I pretended to hate her too. Except then I realized that she actually liked me, and now because I’ve been an idiot I think she actually hates me. And I still think I might be in love with her anyway.

…to be fair, that didn’t sound so bad.

Except, when Mat says those exact words out loud to Anders, silence falls around them, and he realizes several of their teammates, including Tito, were in hearing range, and now everyone’s staring at Mat like they’re waiting for him to disintegrate right in front of them.

“I uh…” Mat begins, falters for a second. “I just mean…”

“I know what you mean.” Anders says, nodding. “You should probably tell her all that yourself though, yeah? Preferably soon. Wedding’s next week, and Sabrina and I are going on our mini honeymoon during the Thanksgiving break, so…do with that what you will.”

Without another word, Anders skates away, and only after Mat casts a scathing look to the rest of his eavesdropping teammates do they follow suit, except for Tito.

Tito shakes his head, tapping Mat’s side with the blade of his stick. “Get your shit together,” he insists, before he skates away too.

Mat sighs, laying back on the ice and letting the cold settle into his bones. 

~

Sabrina and Anders had a beautiful wedding.

Truly, really, they did. 

Summer’s heart ached with happiness for her sister. 

It was everything Sabrina had wanted, everything she’d worked hard to plan, and through all the stress and breakdowns her older sister had, she was finally married and had the wedding of a lifetime to enjoy and look back on.

And since she and Anders had managed to resolve their issues, she was genuinely happy for him again, too. 

She had a feeling she’d find it hard to remain upset at both Mat and Anders, considering the more time she had to think about it, and remembered that men were in fact, stupid, thanks to Sabrina, she did understand both their perspectives. 

Anders had known her since she was sixteen and had seen her struggle with her self love, seen her date shitty people, and witnessed every second of her and Mat arguing like their lives depended on it. He was just looking out for her, wanting to protect her and make sure she didn’t go through something like that again, and especially not with someone Anders was friends and teammates with. He had to be around Mat on a frequent basis, and if it went bad between her and him, he would’ve had to tiptoe around them both awkwardly.

Except none of that was his to worry about, or even something Summer expected of him, which he understood now. 

The part that had Summer tripped up was the fact that Mat had explicitly said he didn’t want to keep Summer a secret, and how she’d understood, but he ended up keeping her a secret too, and she unknowingly helped him. 

Realistically, she did forgive Mat, but she also knows she should’ve been able to move on from it just as easily as she did with Anders. Maybe it was the fact that she expected more from Mat, considering how…intimate they were, but deep down she knew it was just her insecurities rearing their ugly head again.

Before it was the disbelief that he’d been looking at her in appreciation the first time they met, and now it was the uncertainty that he was only doing what he thought was the right thing to do at the moment. That he didn’t keep her a secret from anyone other than Anders and that he didn’t think she was enough to be shown off to the world.

Rationally, she knew it wasn’t anything, that she should be able to just move past it. But irrationally, Summer felt like it was still too good to be true.

Besides, they’d never actually said anything other than that they liked each other. It wasn’t like they’d fallen for one another. 

Okay…maybe that’s not entirely true. Summer knew she’d started to, especially the more time they spent together, the more they’d slowly gotten to know one another. 

But they never said anything to each other, so…

She’d managed to steer clear of him so far throughout the wedding, avoiding his gaze and purposely putting herself on the opposite side of the room. Right now, she was at the bar, waiting for the bartender to make her a margarita and watching where Sabrina and Anders were greeting their guests.

It was only when she realized after a moment that she didn’t see Mat anywhere that she had a feeling avoiding him wouldn’t be possible much longer.

“Do you think there’s more legs in the world? Or eyes?”

Despite the fact that she’d been expecting him, the absurd yet intriguing question has Summer turning her head to the right, and Mat stands there with a lopsided smile that spells mischief. 

Her heart collides into her ribcage in a painful throb. It’s been almost a month since she’s seen Mathew last. He looks just as good, is everything she remembers and desperately tries to forget in the same breath.

Before she can help herself, the corner of her mouth quirks up in a small smile, and she leans against the bar a little, shaking her head. “Is that the best you’ve got?”

He shrugs, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Got your attention, didn’t I?”

She wants to roll her eyes, but refrains, turning her attention back to the bar, grabbing her drink from the bartender with a polite “thank you,” and dropping a five dollar bill in the tip jar next to her elbow. 

As she starts to walk away, Summer can feel Mat fall into step with her, and even though she doesn't want for it to happen, her body stiffens, unease seeping into her bones at his proximity.

“I didn’t know if you’d show up to the reception or not.” He confesses, the charm slipping away from his tone.

She shrugs, nonchalant. “It’s my older sister’s wedding. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d do it to avoid me. Or if you finally decided that you hated me.”

His confession almost makes her falter in her steps. Almost.

“That’s a bit dramatic, considering I remember that I told you that I never hated you in the first place.” She practically bites out, quickening her steps a little.

“Could’ve fooled me. I mean I never saw you after you kicked me out.”

“I’ve been right here.”

“It felt like you were on another planet.”

This time she does stop in her tracks, turning to face him. “What do you expect me to say, Mat? I’m not exactly happy about what happened. I know you apologized, and I get it, I just…I need time to come to terms with it, okay?”

Summer can see Sabrina approaching over his shoulder, and she shakes her head slightly, letting Sabrina know that she can handle this. Thankfully, she nods, and moves to make conversation with another table of her guests. 

Mat looks at Summer then, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Tell me what I can do to help then. What do I have to do to make this right? Tell me how to fix this.”

She shakes her head, taking a step back. “You can’t,” she says, already retreating. “You just can’t.”

His eyes burn into her back as she leaves, and heads back to her seat. She’s determined to stay out of Mat’s way and keep her eyes away from his for the rest of the night, no matter how much her heart twists in her chest.

~

Mat stuffs one hand in the pocket of his hoodie, the other one clutching the bouquet of roses as he crosses the street, approaching Summer’s building for the first time since she kicked him out.

He felt like a bit of a stalker, showing up to her place unannounced again, but he felt like he didn’t know what else to do. 

He’d tried asking Anders for advice, and the only thing his captain did was remind Mat that he and Sabrina were leaving on their mini honeymoon, and to take care of it before they got back.

So…this was him fixing it himself. Or trying to anyway. 

It takes him an embarrassing amount of time to actually work up the courage to press the call button to her apartment building. This time, when he presses it, instead of Summer letting him up immediately, there’s a small pause, before her soft voice comes through the speaker.

“Mat?”

He pauses, waving awkwardly at the little camera. “Hi.”

Another pause, then he hears Summer sigh. “You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

“Probably not, no.” Mat answers honestly, running a hand through his hair. 

There’s silence, and then the building door buzzes and Mat pauses for a second too long before heading through it, and up to Summer’s apartment. 

He only manages to knock once before the door flies open and reveals Summer standing there in jeans, a white tank top, and a black cardigan over it, her feet in fuzzy socks and even fuzzier house slippers. 

Still, she looks so fucking beautiful.

Summer has a look on her face that he can’t read, and that in itself scares the shit out of him. He’s experienced every single one of Summer’s emotions, been the target of a few of them too many times to count, but this one is…

Different.

“For you,” he forces himself to say, handing the roses out to her. “As an apology. Or, the start to one.”

Summer eyes the roses, and for a split second Mat thinks he can see the corner of her mouth quirk up in a little smile, but then it’s gone. She takes the roses from him hesitantly, cradling them in her arms and staring at them for a second.

Mat hovers in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

Summer clears her throat, deciding for the both of them. “Are you just going to loiter in my hallway, thirteen? Or do you want to come in?” 

The urge he used to instinctively have to roll his eyes is gone, and instead all he can do is nod, crossing over the threshold when she steps aside to let him in. 

He toes off his shoes by the door, following her inside. He waits while she puts the roses in a vase, looking at the art on her walls.

When she comes back, they sit on the couch, and Mat takes a small breath.

“Maybe I should go first this time,” Summer says suddenly. He nods, waiting patiently, and she sighs. 

“I want to start off by saying that I do forgive you, and that I do understand where you and Anders were coming from, no matter how ridiculous. I think the thing that's kept me upset is that I couldn't tell for myself whether or not you kept me a secret for you, or for Anders.”

“It was for Anders,” he swears. “I would never keep you a secret, Summer. I swear.”

“Okay,” she nods, accepting his answer. “Then with that being said, I don’t want to completely put you on the spot, but what exactly is this?”

“This?” Mat asks, confused.

“You and I,” Summer says. “What are we? Because I’m going to be honest, I’m not really sure.”

“Well, I would like to say you’re my girlfriend, but we didn’t really establish that.” He hesitates, gauging her reaction. “Would you…would you agree that we were dating?”

Summer nods. “Yeah, I thought we were. I thought you were my boyfriend.”

Mat really doesn’t like the past tense she’s using, but ignores it. “Is there anything that's stopping you from thinking that I still am?”

“I just don't know that I'm clear on how you feel, and I would prefer we lay our cards out on the table now.”

“Okay,” he says, turning his body towards her. “That first day that we met, I’d spotted you before I even realized who you were. You came inside with Sabrina, and I could see you from where I was in the kitchen. I was staring at you when you met me, admittedly for probably a long time, because from that very first second, I thought you were beautiful, and I wanted to get to know you.”

Mat can see Summer’s surprised by his admission, but he continues. “I’ve always liked you, and I’ve always been interested, but I was under the impression that you didn't like me, so I just followed your lead. I was jealous of your ex, I was jealous of that random dude from the club, and it was because this whole time I felt like I'd ruined my chances before I even had one. When you were finally single, and we slept together for the first time, it felt like I finally did have that chance, but then Anders stepped in and…well you know the rest.” 

Summer’s quiet for a second, observing him, and then she nods. “I knew who you were when we met, it was kind of hard not to. I thought you were cute and I was excited to meet you, but then when I caught you staring, I got insecure. I thought you were judging me, and that's why I shut you out and didn't let you in at first.” 

Mat’s heart shatters in his chest. 

How could you not see I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen? He wants to ask her, How could you not see you had me in the palm of your hands that very first day?

“I thought that there was no way that you would be interested in someone like me, so I put up a wall and thought it would be better to keep you at a distance. I didn't really intend for us to bicker for as long as we did.” Summer admits.

She takes a deep breath, fiddling with her own hands. “When I was with my ex, I was genuinely with him, and then when I wasn't, and you and I slept together, I was genuinely into you. I had a feeling that it might be complicated between you and Anders, and when you suggested not telling him anything at first, I understood, and I still understand, but I'm still having a hard time in my head trying to convince myself that you weren't trying to be malicious.” 

Mat moves to reassure her, but the soft smile she gives him stops him. “I know that you weren't, but like I said, that's for me to convince myself of and not you.”

“So…not that I have selective hearing, I’m just trying to get this right. Do you have feelings for me?” Summer laughs softly at his question, but nods, so he continues. “And I have feelings for you. And you forgive me for what happened?” 

Summer nods again, “I do.”

“Okay…then…” Mat trails off, unsure of how this is supposed to go. 

“Then?”

“Are we…okay?” He asks.

“We’re okay,” Summer says, nodding. There’s a moment where Mat’s relieved, where he feels like he can breathe again, but then she says “But I don’t know if we should get back together. Or…get together, however you want to put it.”

Mat’s heart thumps hard in his chest. “What?” 

“Not today. Not right now.” She says, a small shake in her head. “I think…don't you think we need to take a step back?” 

“What about a step at a time?” He offers. 

Summer blinks. “What?”

“You said we shouldn’t get back together today, and I can see your point. Not today. But maybe…maybe we can just take this a day at a time?”

“Mat…” Summer hesitates, completely unsure. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to know. Not right now. That’s why we can take it a day at a time.”

She eyes him quietly, a million emotions flitting across her face as the seconds pass between the two of them. “What would you even do? Where would we even start?”

“Coffee.” Mat says immediately. “Just coffee. Nothing more, nothing less. Just let me buy you a coffee.”

Summer’s quiet, and for a second, Mat worries she’s going to say no, but then her shoulders relax, and she nods. “Okay, coffee sounds good.”

~

Three Months Later

“You just wanted me close to a knife when it was in your hand, didn’t you?”

Summer shakes her head with a small laugh, turning the knife around in her hand so she holds the blade between her fingers, placing the handle in Mat’s hand. He takes it, but the hesitancy is still in his gaze, so she idles up beside him, bumping his hip a little before focusing on the kitchen counter.

Mat had admitted that he hadn’t tried Filipino food before when Summer and Sabrina had gone to visit their parents in New Jersey, so she’d offered to cook for him only on the condition he helped out.

Their father, Sonny, had come from the Philippines as a child with their grandparents. Their mother, Shauna, who’d grown up in the Bronx, lost her parents by the time she’d married their dad, and so the girls had mostly grown up with the Maldonado family.

Their grandmother, Soledad - the “S” naming tradition in the family ran deep - had taught the girls how to cook staple dishes when they were young, so Summer could make this in her sleep.

She’d already gone through the meticulous and thorough process of showing Mat how to wash rice and correctly measure for the correct amount of water, and that was currently bubbling away in the rice cooker on her kitchen counter. 

Now, she was going to walk him through making the marinade for probably the easiest dish to introduce Mat to when it came to Filipino cuisine - chicken adobo.

“Okay, so I’m going to cut up the onion, but I need you to mince the garlic. We have eight cloves here, and you’re going to take a piece of garlic and put it under your blade,” she instructs, grabbing one of the extra cloves of garlic she’d put aside for practice, and moving it to her board. She places her blade right on top and waits until Mat’s done the same.

“Good, now don’t hesitate, just bring the meat of your fist, pinky side down, onto the back side of the blade, and smash the clove. Just be sure you’re holding the handle of the knife firmly, like this,” Summer says, then brings her hand down, listening to the blade and the satisfying crunch of the garlic clove beneath it.

Mat follows suit on his own clove, and of course, because he’s apparently good at everything, gets it right on the first try. He smiles shyly anyway, waiting for her confirmation, to which she smiles, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Perfect.”

Mat beams at the praise. “Really?”

“Yeah, so just do that to the other seven, and it’ll be easier to chop those up. Think you can handle it?”

He nods, reaching for another clove, and Summer tosses him the one on her board before grabbing the onion. 

They work in a silent tandem, and Summer chances a look at him to find his tongue peeking out from between his lips in concentration.

It makes her heart twinge with something she isn’t totally ready to come to terms with.

They’d been doing this…thing…taking it a day at a time, for the last few months. Mat had taken her out on countless dates, focusing on romancing her the way he would have had they not gotten off on the wrong foot. There had been some sex, not a lot, but whenever they did have sex, it was always intense, and Mat always made a point to reassure Summer every chance he got, in bed and out of it, that he thought she was beautiful, kind, and everything he ever wanted.

Outside of that, Mat had taken her to meet his parents and his sister, and even joined her on her bi-weekly Saturday visits to Anders and Sabrina’s home for family dinners. The captain and his winger were still working on repairing that whole mess, but it was getting better, for the most part. 

And now he was here. In her kitchen. Learning how to make her Lola’s chicken adobo. 

When she finished with the onion, she tossed everything into a pan with a little vegetable oil, placed it on the stove and fired up the burner. She grabbed a bowl from the cabinet, then brought it over to Mat for him to dump in his minced garlic. 

“Pretty good there, thirteen.” She says before guiding him to the sink to wash and dry their hands. 

“Okay, now what do I do?” 

Summer smiles, pointing at the ingredients next to the stove. There’s shoyu, vinegar, brown sugar, black pepper, chicken stock, peppercorns, and bay leaves. “I need you to measure out the ingredients on the card by the bottles and put them in that little bowl next to it.”

“What? I’m on measuring duty?” He asks, wrinkling his nose with a frown.

Summer leans up and kisses his nose before backing away. “It’s because you’re meticulous, so I trust you.”

He blinks after her kiss, then nods, heading over to his new station with a little more pep in his step.

Summer stirs the onions around since they’ve already started to cook, then grabs the minced garlic and tosses it in before heading to the fridge. 

Her Lola’s recipe is usually meant as dinner for two, so she had six pieces of chicken thighs rinsed and pat dry set aside specifically for dinner tonight. Bringing the plate out of the fridge and over to the pan, she grabs a pair of tongs and places each piece skin side down once the onions and garlic get fragrant, allowing them to brown a bit. 

She double checks on Mat’s progress, only to find him already done, marinade measuring and poured in the bowl, and his eyes on Summer, watching her with a cheshire smile.

“Look at you,” she muses, going easily to him when he opens his arms, wrapping her own around his waist. “Hope you’re not too attached to your diet.” She teases. 

Mat scoffs. “As if.”

“You’re right,” Summer agrees, running her hands under his shirt and caressing the hard muscle of his abdomen. “You don’t really need it.”

She feels him flex under her fingers and she laughs, looking up to find him smirking down at her, the heat in his eyes evident. “Well I kinda need it, gotta stay in shape to keep up with you at night.”

As if to remind her, her body’s muscles choose that moment to remind her of their ache, and Summer flushes, pushing away from Mat to head back to her place on the stove. 

“Well,” she begins, flipping the chicken over. “I appreciate your dedication. Can you bring over the marinade?”

He nods, grabbing the bowl and carefully idling up beside her. 

“Okay, now you’re just gonna pour it over everything, but make sure you cover each piece of chicken when you go.” She watches as Mat follows her instruction, and once he’s done, she shakes the pan a little, lowers the temperature a smidge, then covers it with a lid.

“Now what?” He asks, looking around. She’d already washed and set the rice to cook in the rice cooker on her counter, but he didn’t see any additional food lying around.

“Well, we have to let it cook for about fifteen minutes, and then we add the finishing touches, and then we eat!”

She ushers him back toward the stove to wash their hands again. It was something she’d learned as a kid, washing her hands after every step in cooking, and she hoped Mat didn’t think it was weird or strange.

He didn’t seem to mind though, going easily along and washing and drying his hands beside her without complaint.

“So…we have fifteen minutes to ourselves?” He asks, setting up a timer on his phone. 

Summer raises a brow at him in suspicion. “Yes…why?”

Mat smirks, leaning with his hip against the sink when he reaches for Summer. “Cause I’ve been thinking about eating your pussy since this morning. Can I?”

He takes her in his arms before she can answer, and then he’s kissing her neck, hands wrapping around her waist and down to her ass, palming the flesh in his hands. She moans a little when his teeth nip at her neck, and she has to push him away to be able to back up and out of his space. “Mat, we shouldn’t, we-”

“Please baby,” he pleads, taking a step and crowding her back against the counter. “Just this once?” She feels his hands creep at the hem of her dress - the easiest thing to wear around him, especially when they tend to have moments like this - his fingers bunching it up to her stomach when he drops to his knees. 

Summer finds herself automatically grabbing the material between her fingers, nodding her head and lifting her hips away from the counter for Mat to pull her underwear down her legs. She doesn’t miss the smile that crosses his face when he runs the lace through his fingers, and stuffs the fabric in the pocket of his jeans.

“Jump up on the counter, baby.” He says, waiting for Summer to settle onto the counter before pulling her forward, her butt resting on the edge of the counter. Mat grabs one of her barstools from the other side and places it right in front of her before taking a seat, pressing “start” on the timer on his phone.

He feels like he could drool a little at the sight of her open and bare for him, the prettiest shade of pink shining at him like a neon sign saying “just for you.”

Not another second passes before he’s burying his face into her pussy, Summer letting out a blissful and content sigh as her body relaxes and Mat settles her feet on his shoulders, gently circling his hand around her ankles and encouraging her to wrap her legs around his head, to pull him in closer.

She doesn’t, not right away, anyway, too wrapped up in the feeling of Mat’s tongue. He squeezes her ankle once, trying to get her attention, and all Summer can manage is to loll her head to the side to peek at him. He rises up a little, speaking against her skin, not wanting to be too far from her.

“Wrap those beautiful legs around my head, baby.”

All she can manage is a nod, and Mat returns to his task, moaning when her warm thighs touch either side of his face, his shoulders under her knees and her beautiful calves resting on his back. He can feel when she locks her ankles behind him and he settles in closer, relaxing against her as his mouth continues to devour her pussy, her arousal dripping down his chin.

He feels her nails scratch against his scalp when her hands dive into his hair, fingers gripping his curls and lightly tugging. Mat knows those tugs by heart now, which one means to keep going, which ones mean to ease up, which ones mean she’s loving it and not to stop or she’ll kill him.

“Mat,” she whimpers, her thighs squeezing his head and he nods, bringing his hands up to squeeze her breasts, loving when her hands cover his, holding onto him. 

He says nothing, just focuses on keeping his pace and the way Summer’s body reacts to his mouth, beginning to feel her start to shake under him as she gets closer and closer to her orgasm.

Right when Mat thinks she’s going to grip his hair tighter, letting him know that she’s about to come, she suddenly sits up, pushing him back gently.

“Baby?” He asks, confused.

“Get up,” she says, and he’s up and off the stool in a second, approaching her carefully. He’s only a little surprised when she reaches for the waistband of his jeans, making quick work of the button and the zipper. By the time Mat’s brain catches up to him and finally understands what Summer wants, she’s got her hands in the waistband of his briefs, pulling them down while Mat’s cock springs free.

He watches as her pupils blow out wide, and smirks a little. Gently, he places a finger under her chin, coaxing her gaze back to his face. He kisses her a couple of times while crowding into her space, resting his cock against her soaked pussy while she chases the taste of herself on his tongue. 

Mat grips her waist, pulling her a little further to the edge of the counter, gently moving his hips. 

“Needy girl,” he playfully chastises. “Won’t even let me finish eating that pretty pussy because you’re so desperate for cock.” 

Her eyes flash up at him, her playful spitfire in her eyes at his dirty talk. Mat’s found out that this is the kind of push and pull she prefers most, when he teases her or says dirty things and she can fight him back on it in a way that doesn’t cost them both. 

Mat can see that she wants to talk back, but she bites her lip to refrain herself. 

“Use your words pretty girl,” he says, grinding his cock against her. “Ask me nicely.”

“Please give me your cock,” Summer replies obediently. “I need it.”

Mat smiles, murmuring a soft “Good girl,” then he’s moving his hips back until the tip of his cock catches at her entrance and pushes in slowly, watching Summer’s face the whole time.

He loves this part, loves watching the way her whole body relaxes, watching the way her eyes flutter shut and her beautiful mouth parts just a little as her body welcomes him. He leans forward, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss as he bottoms out, waiting for her to adjust to him.

He’s learned he loves that part, too - how no matter how many times they’ve done this so far, she always seems to need a minute to adjust to him. But whenever she did, she took him so well that they could go at it over and over again till their muscles were sore.

While he waits for her to adjust, he takes a quick glance over at her stove, then at his phone, checking the time. Nothing’s burning, but he’s still only got about five or so minutes left.

Mat turns back to her, bending his head and burying his face into Summer’s neck, leaving filthy open mouthed kisses, speaking in between. 

“Are you okay if we make this quick? Since we are cooking and all.”

That seems to bring her back to reality just a little, because he can feel her nod, and then she’s locking her ankles behind his back again, pulling him in closer - her usual sign that she’s ready for whatever Mat gives her.

He carefully pulls back before pushing back in, setting a pace he knows is enough to bring Summer to orgasm in no time. Summer lays back on the counter, and Mat’s hands immediately go to her breasts, cupping them through the material before yanking it down, smirking to himself when he finds she’s not wearing a bra.

Mat leans down, sucking a nipple into his mouth and drawing a soft whine from Summer’s lips. A whine that tells him that she’s definitely going to come in no time if he keeps it up.

He laps at her skin with his tongue, sucking at her skin as his hips piston in and out of her, moaning when he feels her squeeze down on him as her breath catches in her throat. Her back bends and he keeps his pace, his own orgasm quickly approaching as Summer comes around him, squeezing his cock in a vice grip and wrapping her legs tighter around his waist. 

He comes a few seconds later, buried deep inside and his mouth still latched to her, tongue soothing over the now bruised skin. 

His favorite part is this, the moment right after they fuck - how she seems so content to just lay there with him and let him hold her, let him stay inside her till he’s either ready to go again or ready to help clean her up or drag them both to the shower.

They catch their breath for a moment, Mat just staring down at her, admiring her beautiful curves, her full breasts, the curve of her belly. He traces his hands down her stomach, gently caressing her skin, rubbing at where he’s still buried inside her.

Her breath catches in her throat at the same time the timer goes off on his phone, and they both jump, Mat slipping out of her suddenly, and they both hiss at the loss.

“Well,” Summer says through a small sigh, “Looks like lunch is ready.”

Mat frowns. “But I already ate?”

Summer blinks at him, and when he smirks playfully, wagging his eyebrows, she rolls her eyes, slowly sitting up. “Funny, thirteen.”

He leans in for a kiss, and she softens, going lax in his embrace. Between kisses, Mat can feel his heart hammering in his rib cage, and he murmurs “I love you, Summer,” before he can stop himself.

She pauses for a second, lips frozen against his, and he backs up, gauging her reaction. She’s shocked, that much is obvious, and Mat can see the hesitation, so he leans in, kisses the tip of her nose, then her cheeks.

“You don’t have to say it back,” he says, “I can wait as long as you need me to. I just wanted to make sure I laid all my cards out on the table.”

She leans back, looking into his eyes. Mat knows what she’s looking for, knows she’s trying to make sure he’s being genuine, but he’s pretty sure he’s got hearts in his eyes, so she’s probably going to find what she’s looking for pretty quick.

“Mat…” She says, his name soft and syrupy on her lips.

“I love you,” he repeats again, leaning in to kiss her again. “And you can tell me when you’re ready.”

He pulls away, heading toward the stove to finish up, but Summer takes him by surprise, pulling him back to her and kissing him like her life depends on it, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him close.

“I’m ready,” she says between kisses. “I love you.”

[wasted-women]

ROUND 1A, MATCH 1 OUT OF 8!

Causes of Death & Propaganda Under the Cut:

Jiang Yanli

Cause of Death: Stabbed; Self-sacrifice to save her brother.

Propaganda:

she's your pfp that's got to count for something

I love JYL don't get me wrong! But also. She is solely written as a part of the male characters and does not get much in her own right. She is Wei Wuxian's older sect sister, or Jiang Cheng's sister, or Jin Zixuan's fiance/wife, or Jin Ling's mother he never got to know. Even what characterization people give her (like liking soup/cooking or standing up for her family despite being gentle) are things that have to do with her brothers. I wish we got more of her in her own right.

AND ALSO. ALSO??? HER DEATH MAKES. NO SENSE. Okay first of all - she was in Lanling grieving for her very recently dead husband & taking care of her newborn baby. Who would let that woman out of Lanling????? WHY???? How did she get out of there SO FAST????? She doesn't have a sword/isn't a cultivator (at least in MDZS) so she couldn't have flown. And then after she got there WHO LET HER JUST OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLEFIELD???? WHY DID SHE GO THERE???? Even if there was a short part of her saying "I need to talk to Wei Wuxian about how he killed my husband and I'm going to get there no matter what" would've clarified things a little bc it's like okay she needs to go there even if we don't know how. Where are my answers MXTX, where are my answers????

Qin Su

Cause of Death: Suicide; Stabbed herself with a knife. (NOTE: In some versions of the story, she was being controlled and thus forced to kill herself.

Propaganda:

I'm fairly certain this character was only created as set dressing for the main villain's tragedy. We get zero insight into her inner life, zero hints that any such inner life might even exist, and after she dies basically no other named character other than the aforementioned villain is shown to be majorly affected by her death, even those who logically should have meaningful relationships with her.

Compared to the other two main female characters in this series (who are also fridged) Jiang Yanli and Wen Qing, Qin Su is probably the least aggravating because she's barely in the show and has very little character that we see. But I still think it's worth noting. I really wish that she could've survived and been there in Guanyin Temple IT COULD'VE BEEN COOL OKAY.

Wen Qing

Cause of Death: Executed; Burned to ashes.

Propaganda:

The fact that Wen Qing is the character that originally said the thing about "I'm sorry" and "Thank you", which is repeated multiple times in the post-resurrection parts of the series, but is so rarely mentioned by name is so aggravating! She's such an important part of the plot that did SO MANY THINGS but just basically disappears after her death!!! The only time I really remember her being mentioned is when her brother, Wen Ning, mentions her integral role in the golden core reveal. Jiang Yanli's ghost haunts the series after her death, but Wen Qing's really doesn't, and that's so fucked up to me. She even dies during the same time that Wen Ning does, but then it's revealed he survived (well, "survived", he is a zombie, but he was that beforehand too) SO WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE SURVIVED TOO????

[cocogum]

Let’s TALK about episodes 11-12-13

(‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️)

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@onyichii I know I told you once that this was initially going to have more than two parts to explain what happened between these three episodes but I decided to scratch that idea out and instead put them all into one post.

Before I begin, I would like to address something crucial.

Thank you, Ankama for everything that you’ve done for Wakfu. And thank you for this final season as well. It’s clear that despite the many rough challenges you’ve had to face and overcome over the years, I’m really happy that Wakfu has fully made its course. You’ve outdone yourself for this season just for us and it shows.

A lot of us have been here since our childhoods so we really love you for creating such a series that we’ve managed to fall in love with or else we wouldn’t be here talking about it.

This season was absolutely beautiful and what a way to end it all.

Unless Season 5 makes its appearance lol. (later did I know that we recently got the news of a season 5)

Now let’s begin.

WE FINALLY GET TO SEE OUR ORIGINAL RAT RUEL 💖💖💖

My god he looks angry as hell I literally never saw him like this, imagine seeing this in the corner of your eye, and he’s right there staring at you hiding in the shadows like-

Help???

But anyway yeah he’s completely broke.

My guy at least got one kama thanks to Junior 😭😭

OH SHIT YUGO’S HERE!!!! RUEL TURN AROUND ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

First thing Ruel does is cry about his money to Yugo. Bro isn’t even asking why tf he grew. That wasn’t even his first question. Scratch that, that wasn’t even something that came up in his head.

That’s how you know he deserves the Rat King crown.

THAT SHOULD BE ME ‼️‼️‼️ THAT SHOULD BE ME SQUEEZING HIM WITH SNOT COMING OUT OF MY NOSTRILS, NOT HIM ‼️‼️‼️

Love how even though Dally and Eva told each other not to worry about Flopin, these two still looked like shit, even after hugging it out. So they’re still gonna keep Flopin’s room the way it is, right? They’re not gonna give it to Pin, right? Cuz their house is kinda big for five people (make that six with Goultard) so I feel like they’ll keep Flopin’s room the way it is and make a brand new room for Pin. I can imagine Poo helping them use a spare room to turn it into a bedroom for Pin (Poo will do it out of the sheer goodness of his heart ofc and definitely not because Elely was gonna beat him to a pulp lol)

YUGO’S HERE OMG EVERYBODY STFU ‼️‼️ (and Ruel too)

You have no idea how happy I was to see Dally not welcoming Yugo back and immediately trying to punch him. It makes sense for him to confuse Yugo for Oropo, especially after all the things he and his family went through because of him.

And here’s where we get a YUGO VS DALLY FIGHT SCENE ARE YOU KIDDING ME-

Never in my life did I think I would ever witness seeing these two fight against each other. Even if they had been play fighting, I would have never seen it coming.

But GOOD. At least we get to see more of Yugo’s ass Yugo moving around and getting to test his strength out.

Elely and Goultard even went in and tried to jump the guy but bro wasn’t even trying 😭😭 he literally threw Elely like a ragdoll like THAT’S YOUR FRIEND’S CHILD WHAT ARE YOU DOING-

(yeet the child)

That’s practically his niece by the way and he just threw her like she was nothing lol

Anyways, Eva breaks the fight and NXKAKSLDKKSKSLDL the way she gently touched Yugo’s face! She’s so shocked by how he looks now! To think that she used to be his older sister figure, and now he’s taller than her and the others 😭💖

It's funny and cute that Eva used to be the tallest in the group lol

It also took all these years for Dally to understand why Yugo is his best friend...

So the others finally get to know what’s been happening for nine episodes now and the iops in the family are absolutely down for it 💀

Yugo literally described the end of the world and these three dumbasses can't wait for it.

After that, the boys go back to the Sadida Kingdom and THIS. THIS IS THE REUNION.

I just love how Amalia’s first instinct is hugging Eva just look at the girls smiling together like this 💖💖💖

I missed them so much together 💕💕 even Pin is happy to see Amalia omg she’s absolutely killing it as an aunt 😭💕💕

And then….

Here comes Yugo.

I swear his and Adamaï’s reunion was the most bro-like thing I have ever seen from any of the seasons, comics, and manga chapters. Dude just comes out from another world that had creatures immune to anything in the krosmoz and tortured his body for who knows how long, and the first thing his bro does is give him a bro slap.

Freaking killed me.

And THEN

THEN CAME AMALIA’S REACTION OMAGJSKWLSLXLLSMMSKDLD THEIR EYES MET LOOK AT THEM-

But the Eliatrope Goddess just had to cut off their reunion 😒 urgh I swear this woman cares too much for her kids. Like to an unhealthy amount. Look at her hiding him away from Amalia and the others, she was clearly trying to separate him from anyone who wasn’t related to her. The only reason why Joris wasn’t being pushed away was because he was way too close. I’ve already explained so much about this one scene alone in this post so if you’re interested go take look at it.

The Eliatrope goddess was so lucky Yugo didn’t see her call Amalia “crazy” though…cuz man, I know she was panicking but gurl you’re insulting your daughter-in-law calm down-

Armand and Aurora get here and see this reunion and my god Armand actually had a point though.

Like the guy isn’t happy to see the eliatropes, he clarifies to them that this whole situation with the necromes was because of them. Yugo doesn’t even try to retort because Armand is completely in the right to be angry at him and his people.

And shocker, the Eliatrope Goddess decided to ditch them all and takes the kids.

Even though Yugo told her they couldn’t leave because they’d just keep running away forever, she didn’t listen and would rather even leave HIM and Adamaï behind, TWO of her literal FIRST CHILDREN FROM THE KROSMOZ.

I understand that she had been severely traumatized by the necromes, but something tells me she used to always flee at the first sign of danger when it came to anything at all. Her bad habit of fleeing must’ve been as far back as when she used to be part of the other gods. When she used to be with them, she was even willing to break an important rule between her equals, which was “to not have your own planet for your followers.” After they learned she had betrayed them, they all tried fighting her off but she didn’t dare fight back. Either it was because she’s a pacifier or because she prefers fleeing. With the many cases we’ve seen of her fleeing, I’ll have to say the latter since it might as well just be a habit. I can also support this claim by pointing out that she can fight but chooses to flee instead: when she was in the meeting between the rulers, she clearly showed that she had the strength to fight back when she was being challenged by one of Bonta’s queens.

The war started…

Not gonna lie, the Eliatrope goddess' shield was pretty useful since the group needed to buy some time for Yugo, Joris, and Goultard to get Nora back. I like how they knew they had no choice but to buy some time because fighting a necrome is like trying to kill water: that shit is impossible.

Although one thing I will never forget from that war, was Dally and Armand talking to each other.

This was a true full circle. The minute they met, they did not get along and were on completely opposite sides. Even during these years, they somewhat got along but never made any real improvement. But when they reach a war where they could potentially die, that's when they now see that they truly have no qualms at all anymore.

Like...thinking about how they used to fight over Evangelyne now sounds childish and so old to remember.

If you were to tell me years ago that they somewhat now get along and Armand was actually happy to see Dally, I would've thought you wrote a fanfic about it.

Nonetheless, it was nice seeing Armand get a taste of what it felt like to be on an adventure. He missed his chances to join Amalia and her friends, so being in a war fighting alongside them seemed like a good compensation to have instead. It's like putting all the dangers and adrenaline into one big ball and seeing what happens.

Armand enters the legend.

He might have been the king that had the shortest reign in Sadida history but after what he just pulled off, he’ll stay the best in record. This man beat a dragon made by the gods from another world and defeated it before dying while standing up. Name me another mortal in the krosmoz who has ever pulled off this kind of shit. That's right, zero. Not even Dally did that and that guy died like three times. Someone get Armand a real proper wife who he can have fun with, the man needs it after the awesome shit he just pulled off.

It baffles me however that when a sadida dies, they turn into sprouts so they can be planted and turned into trees in time.

It’s kind of bittersweet knowing that their deaths somewhat turn into a sort of reincarnation. Sadida is the only god who well…doesn’t look like he’s visually made of skin and bones. He’s a plant and created his own form of photosynthesis to make his Sadida dolls. His subjects, who can be compared to roots, are linked to one tree, not to mention that they could all die in the blink of an eye if anything happened to it as how I explained here. It’s almost like the sprout, from Armand’s death, could be considered the sadidas’ inner cores, sort of like their real selves (?), and they are exposed and revealed when they die. The only instance where we did not see this happen was when Nox managed to dry up the Tree of Life which made the sadidas turn into trees on the spot instead of being planted in peace.

Being a sadida just keeps being more depressing and traumatizing. The sadidas are lucky they love being like this or else they’d all turn into Qilby 💀

When Nora and Efrim leave Toross in his world, we see him go back to his throne while glitching from time to time. At first, nothing about this scene seemed to have been out of the ordinary until @MachineBandage on Twitter let everyone know that if we paused at the right moment when he was walking back to his throne, we could see shots of him sitting on the stairs looking defeated and miserable.

And now, yumalia fans, we have the moment we’ve all been waiting for!!

THEIR MARRIAGE 💖💖💖💖💖

Not gonna lie, at first, when I saw Amalia carrying those flowers with Yugo, I thought they were both walking to pay respects to Armand’s tree grave but then THIS HAPPENED‼️‼️

I HAD A STROKE, I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING SHIT BUT THEY’RE LEGIT ABOUT TO GET MARRIED ‼️‼️‼️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

I was so happy for them. It’s been years since I’ve been rooting for these two.

Ever since 2012, I had a hunch about them because they wouldn’t stop hugging so tightly as it’s been making me go insane. All these years, I was so hopeful and yet worried that I wouldn’t see this happening!!

But not anymore because they finally got together 💖💖

I literally watched my kids grow up, I’m so proud. I shed a tear when I first saw this.

But after watching it over and over again, that’s when I shut off my fangirling (it was getting in the way of visual details lol) to properly inspect what the hell I just saw.

Wouldn’t Yugo and Amalia’s marriage technically be considered a very uncommon thing to happen? Three reasons would suggest this.

The first is how unconventional their marriage ended up looking regardless if its main objective was supposed to look like a political or romantic wedding. You can find that whole explanation in this post I made when the finale came out. The second is that Amalia married someone who isn’t a Twelvian. The third, the most crucial one, is that two RULERS of different races married and, due to that, have unified their people together.

I like how @onyichii noticed that during Yumalia’s ending scene, Yugo was actually the one who was about to kiss Amalia first but she ended up being quicker than him and pressed their lips together first.

He was about to close his eyes and lean in.

If you really pay close attention to Yugo in this scene, you’ll see it. That was such a nice detail to notice and I’m so glad @onyichii brought it up.

These kinds of details are why I love Ankama’s way of sprinkling them. They’re always the kind that would make you blink and miss it until you run the scene again more slowly.

Can you imagine what the people must’ve been thinking when Yugo dropped Amalia in one of his portals?

Dude legit dipped with his wife without warning anybody, not even Amalia knew he was going to plan that.

I can just imagine the people being confused as all hell and then awkwardly waiting for them to come back or wondering IF they’ll even come back.

Renate and Canar are going to spread so much tea in the kingdom, these two are gonna think Yugo took Amalia away for some ‘private time’ cuz he couldn’t wait any longer JZKSSKSKXKXKSKSKKDKKDODKF

I wanna join Renate and Canar’s little group so badly, they sound like a lot of fun lol

LOOK AT AMALIA’S ADORABLE FACE‼️‼️

Yugo is absolutely smitten 💕💕

And let’s not forget our boy Flopin who attended the wedding!

Because yes, despite not physically being there, we saw him with his grandpa on an open field. He had his eyes closed, the same way how Madagaskan was able to look out for Eva and Cleophee all these years. And look!! Flopin smiled!! He approves of the wedding!! Like Adamaï, he is also a yumalia shipper!

It’s confirmed. The shot of him smiling as the wedding scene keeps going can only mean two things: Flopin is learning fast as he can now watch over his family, and HE SMILED AT THE SIGHT OF YUMALIA WHICH MEANS HE LIKES IT!

I wonder if Cleophee is aware that she has a father though. We’ve only seen Evangelyne’s reaction when she learned of this fact but what about Cleophee? She must’ve wondered where Flopin went since he was missing while the Percedal family was attending the wedding. Maybe we’ll get to see her receiving the news in Season 5 or The Great Wave’s other volumes.

Despite this beautiful ending, however, there are still many things we have yet to know or dig deeper about: 1) The other rulers still have this strong mindset that the eliatropes are bad news. In a way, they indirectly caused a lot of destruction, so a lot of them will not like the fact that Yugo remains here, let alone married a twelvian, making his stay official.

2) Yugo still needs to get the rest of his people, the eliatrope kids who are still with his mother.

3) We have no idea where the Eliatrope goddess is at right now. She could be anywhere in the krosmoz, but I hope she eventually learns that her son saved the world.

4) WILL YUGO AND AMALIA THINK ABOUT HAVING KIDS!?! Because of Amalia’s position as queen, and being the last living member of the royal family, she is required to bear children to keep the family name going. So like…are we going to see their kids someday? How many are they going to have? I NEED TO KNOW SO I CAN FANGIRL MORE-

5) There will be more yumalia moments so more cute cuddles and convos lol

6) Yugo and Amalia's marriage will be a loving relationship and an alliance one. Yugo is king of the eliatropes, while Amalia is queen of the sadidas. Despite being together, they are rulers of their distinct people, but they both will help the other without hesitation.

7) The only other ruler I can think of who might be willing to side with Yugo and Amalia is that Lance Dur guy. He's cool. I like him.

8) Ush still wants to fight Yugo. Again. Let’s not forget what he told Yugo before he let the Eliatrope goddess bring him back to Bonta.

9) Brakmar supposedly got half destroyed?? Will we ever get any news from them in Season 5 or in the manga? I bet Astra is feeling ecstatic right now lol

10) Sufokia and Pandawa SHOULD FINALLY PAY THEIR DEBTS TO THE SADIDAS ALREADY

11) Frigost….what happened to it?? Yeah, I didn’t see anyone talk about this. Harebourg has been implied to have died back in Oropo’s pocket dimension and yet we see him in Waven and had joined one of the four clans. So is Frigost okay? What is going on over there?

That’s all that came to mind.

But now that we have recently heard the news that Season 5 was coming, I was so thrilled to know that this wasn’t truly going to be the ending for the anime and Tot persevered to get more!! Despite what we’ve been told about Season 4 being the finale, I’m so glad AND GRATEFUL that Tot didn’t stop there ☺️💕💕

Who knows, maybe we’ll have some of our answers in Season 5 since Tot did say that we’d have about 26 episodes which is a lot to put lore in. I'm still not sure if we truly will have 26 episodes like he said back in his tweet because it might have been just a tease (a cruel one at that) but I’m still hopeful that we’ll have more than 13 since Ankama now has partners!

SO YEAH WE GOT A LOT OF SHIT TO UNPACK IN SEASON 5 AND THE MANGA.

But the upcoming season and the manga will obviously not reveal everything, let’s be aware of that. Tot likes to sprinkle lots of lore in the games too so we’ll have to look out for those.

[cheeserobin]

Suren Darga deserved better 2.0

clarification: this post is resubmitted because I had already touched this same topic in Spanish, everything is original.

WARNING: English is not my first language, I am sorry for any spelling mistakes that may appear below.

Any DC fan or Damian fan knows the joke about DC forgetting their friends, which is sadly funny. Luckily that's what we ( the fandom ) are here for, to not let characters with potential be forgotten thanks to evil editors.

Now what happened to Suren Darga?. I'm not kidding when I say that the kid seems to have been left in a giant void for everyone after his last appearance, because his wiki the only thing it says about him is this:

"Suren Darga is the son of Den Darga and the prince of the Lu'un Darga."

And I'm not exaggerating

And they also put him as “Supervillain”, ok.

Suren was forgotten and I have a feeling that wasn't the idea mainly, not only because he has a whole interesting past that should have been seen but also his team, trio or whatever he may have had with Maya and Damian looked so…real. They were going to be even if it was allies and great friends.

Plus after his end of the world disaster, showing his very fucked up daddy issues and receiving possibly the most painful punch in the face of his life.

He was to have a long, but sincere arc of redemption.

And let's not forget that Suren at the time helped Damian's development as much as Damian helped Suren's development. He and Maya changed for the better thanks to the fifth Robin in that same comic.

Maya was going to follow her father's path of blood, having Damian as her first victim as revenge. Luckily for both of them, Damian proved that he changed and that she could do it too, preventing her from getting her hands dirty like her father and becoming his older sister.

And I think Suren goes one step further. Maya herself says: “Man, you guys have so much in common”.

Suren was going to do the end of the world to give honor to his family, but also for the infinite and pure love of a child that he had for his father, but Robin knowing that feeling of hunger for affection and family understanding stopped him making him see that there are simply shitty parents who do more harm than good. That he knew what that was like and that he should let go of that toxic environment before he became something worse. They were so alike that Robin just couldn't leave him alone.

In short, I apply the “AMIGA DATE CUENTA” (FRIEND BE AWARE).

And I think for Damian's development it felt good for him to help these characters who were in a dark place like he once was to realize that he really became a better person who wanted to help others unconditionally. that that R of redemption in his chest was for something and worth his effort.

But this does not end happily for Suren. We never knew if he really moved away from the shadow of his family and to forge his own story or if he is still in contact with his only friends until now and if we go further, is he still alive? The worst part of this is that the writers/publishers would have no excuse to leave him behind saying “He's not an interesting character” since his origin story, coming back from the dead which could have caused him another trauma and conflict and his VERY GENIUS connection with magic do make him interesting, VERY interesting.

But DC doesn't agree with that, so the last we have of this kid is this panel of him smiling going on a new adventure, an adventure we never saw come to light.

“It NEVER ends” how funny.

[yamayuandadu]

The fabrication of a storm god: Susanoo, Taishakuten (Indra) and their histories

When I found this ask in my inbox recently, I initially admittedly wanted to only give a short, dismissive response. After all, the similarity between these two is completely superficial. And, truth to be told, it’s more a vague similarity between how they are presented as “storm gods” by questionable online sources than between their actual roles. However, I quickly realized that would not accomplish much. The best way to counter misconceptions is to show reality is more interesting - and in the case of complex figures with long histories, this requires time and effort. The response, like the recent Tamamo no Mae one, kept growing as a result, and evolved into a fully blown unplanned post. Under the cut, you will find a brief examination of the origin of the erroneous notion that Susanoo was ever understood a “storm god”, as well as a summary of his character  character, the main deities linked to him in the Japanese “middle ages”, and finally his fate after the Meiji restoration. In the second half, I deal with the Japanese reception of Indra. While not actually related to Susanoo, he is nonetheless a complex deity worth exploring, even though it feels like he’s not particularly appreciated by hobbyists and his central role in medieval cosmology hardly gets acknowledged.

Victorian confabulations and Meiji mirages: the fabrication of a storm god

Susanoo vanquishing Yamata no Orochi, as depicted by Yoshitoshi Tsukioka (wikimedia commons)

Contrary to what you might have seen in numerous online sources of dubious quality, Susanoo is not a “storm god” (let alone a “thunder god” more specifically). Nothing to that effect shows up in standard points of reference like Encyclopedia of Shinto, and even Wikipedia despite arbitrarily putting him in the weather god category only musters a single 2000 paper which I’ve never seen cited in subsequent Susanoo research as “evidence” of a weather connection. 

The most recent in depth treatments of Susanoo in English are a section of Bernard Faure’s monograph Rage and Ravage and David Weiss’ The God Susanoo and Korea in Japan’s Cultural Memory: Ancient Myths and Modern Empire. The former at no point makes any claims pertaining to the weather while discussing him. The latter notes the view that Susanoo was a “storm god” enjoyed some popularity in the late nineteenth century because of the influence of the now long abandoned school of “nature mythology”, in which deities are only ever representations of natural phenomena. This theory was originally formulated by Edward Burnett Tylor, who basically admitted no actual Japanese sources ever present him as a “storm god”, but that this character is nonetheless evident in his vibes (obviously not how he phrased it, but his study deserves no more dignified summary). Tylor’s nonsense was subsequently taken up by a certain Edmund Buckle, who randomly connected his forerunner’s oc with Indra because I guess all weather gods are basically interchangeable (there’s an interesting point to be made about how they’re the one group of male deities who are often treated in poor quality scholarship the way goddesses usually are). By 1899, the theory reached Japan, where it caused a prolonged academic debacle. However, it seems supporters of this view, much like in the west, were the followers of the long since abandoned notion of “nature mythology”. Among the theory’s opponents were researchers such as Masaharu Anesaki. As far as I can tell, it’s essentially irrelevant today.

The oldest available information about Susanoo’s actual character comes from the Kojiki and the Nihon Shoki. I don’t think that needs to be discussed here in detail. Even though I often overestimate other people’s familiarity with mythology I think it’s fair to say everyone with just a passing interest in Japan knows at least the basics of the myths about his conflict with his sister Amaterasu, his banishment, and subsequent victory over the serpent Yamata no Orochi. It will suffice to say the oldest recorded mythical image of him is that of an ambivalent deity, a heroic monster slayer on one hand, a transgressor and exile on the other. This polarity remains a core part of him for the rest of his history. The other early sources dealing with Susanoo are various fudoki, regional records. They indicate that in the eighth century he already was connected with diseases. Later on in the Heian period, he also came to be associated with purification. Or to be more precise - he came to be viewed as the archetypal target of purification, in a way. His misdeeds from classical mythology became examples of deeds requiring such ceremonies, performed variously by courtly ritual specialists like the Nakatomi clan, Buddhist clergy, or onmyōdō masters. He also functioned as a jinushi, a “landholder deity” of often ambivalent character tied to a specific location, and an araburugami, a “raging god” defined by causing havoc out of hubris (as opposed to malice).

Gozu Tennō and others: the network of medieval Susanoo Susanoo’s character developed through the Japanese “middle ages” in no small part through associations with other deities, typically caused by his incorporation into Buddhism.

A composite Susanoo-Gozu Tennō, as depicted by Sadahide Utagawa (Östasiatiska Museet, Stockholm)

The single most important figure he came to be linked with was by far Gozu Tennō, the “Bull-Headed Heavenly King”. While religious and literary texts present him as a deity from India, the guardian of the Jetavana monastery, and he was even furnished with an artificial Sanskrit name, Gomagriva Devaraja, his origin is actually uncertain. It’s possible he was inspired by a misreading of a passage from the travelog of the Chinese monk Faxian (c. 337-442). He visited Jetavana in the early fifth century, and reported that there was a statue of a bull next to the monastery’s door, before moving on to describing the supposed first image of the Buddha, which according to him was made from legendary “ox-head sandalwood” and impervious to fire. Confusion between these two passages might have led to the creation of an ox-headed deity. Other proposals are present in scholarship too, but ultimately the matter remains unclear. What is evident is that Susanoo and Gozu Tennō shared many similarities: the latter also was an archetypal “raging deity”, and he too was linked with pestilence. An argument can be made that he was the disease spirit par excellence in medieval Japan, in fact. When properly worshiped, he was supposed to protect the faithful from illnesses, as expected from a deity of this variety. They also shared an association with foreign lands: Gozu Tennō primarily with India, but also with China and Korea, while Susanoo just with Korea, due to a Nihon Shoki episode where he travels to the kingdom of Silla. Yet another point of connection is that both were simultaneously recognized as manifestations of Yakushi (the “medicine Buddha”). Therefore, it comes as no surprise that at the Gion shrine in Kyoto, and in many other locations across Japan, the two were identified fully.

However, the link was at times conceptualized differently than as interchangeability between the two. For instance, Kaneyoshi Ichijō’s treatise Kuji Kongen (公事根源; “Roots of Court Administration and Ceremonies”) Gozu Tennō is merely an “acolyte” (warawabe, 童部) of Susanoo. Granted, this author eventually came to view them as identical himself, which shows how fluid medieval theology could be.

A humorous depiction of Susanoo and Kushinadahime serving pieces of Yamata no Orochi prepared like grilled eel (Ōta Memorial Museum of Art; reproduced here for educational purposes only)

The identification between Susanoo and Gozu Tennō also extended to their wives, respectively Kushinadahime and Harisaijo (波梨采女), as evident for example in the Shaku Nihongi. The latter was regarded as a daughter of the dragon king Sāgara. Things are made slightly awkward by the Nihon Shoki Sanso, where she is a manifestation of Yamata no Orochi (one of the multiple cases of putting a positive spin on the snake). Susanoo in the guise of Gozu Tennō thus effectively marries his nemesis. The marriage itself is a subject of a number of myths. According to Hoki Naiden (簠簋内伝), an onmyōdō manual, the “heavenly emperor” (Taishakuten, one would presume, based on information I’ll discuss later) de facto played the role of a matchmaker between Harisaijo and Gozu Tennō. When the latter was lamenting that due to his monstrous, yaksha-like form - he had the head of a bull - he will never find love, a bird sent by the celestial ruler informed him that it would be appropriate for him and Sāgara’s daughter to get married. This suggestion then evidently works out just fine, and the couple subsequently have eight children, the Hachiōji (八王子, “eight princes”) over the course of thirty seven years.

Hyōbi (wikimedia commons)

There are multiple slightly divergent traditions about the identities of the children. The most notable variable is that a goddess named Jadokkeshin (蛇毒気神; also read Dadokuke no kami; “deity of poisonous snake breath”) sometimes appears among them, sometimes is treated as an independent deity serving Gozu Tennō, and sometimes takes the role of his spouse (in at least one case with Harisaijo quite literally relegated to the role of his ex). She is also identified with the astral deity Hyōbi (��尾, “leopard tail”) and by extension with Ketu.

Another figure who was closely linked with Susanoo in the middle ages was Matarajin. This tradition was associated with Gakuen-ji. In a local legend, Susanoo started to be called Matarajin after being buried underneath it. I won’t dwell much on Matarajin here since I already wrote a lot about him, and will write even more in the near future, so it will suffice to say the two share a connection to diseases. In Matarajin’s case it is the most pronounced in the “ox festival” still held in modern times at Kōryū-ji.

Shinra Myōjin (wikimedia commons)

Connections between Susanoo and Matarajin’s fellow Tendai old man disease-related deities Sekizan Myōjin and Shinra Myōjin are documented too. Bernard Faure argues that in fact it was Shinra Myōjin who first developed such an association, and it was only transferred to Matarajin as well because of the numerous analogies between them. 

A distinct tradition regarding Susanoo developed in the theology of Ise (“Ryōbu shintō”), which as expected was Amaterasu-centric (but also Dainichi-centric!). He came to be linked with Mara and Devadatta as a representation of “fundamental ignorance”, with the conflict between him and Amaterasy gaining an additional Buddhist dimension. At the same time, in the noh play Dairokuten (第六天), which deals with Jōkei’s pilgrimage to Ise, Susanoo appears to protect this monk from Mara. Evidently, in this context Susanoo and Amaterasu are hardly opposed to each other, seeing as the former de facto intervenes on behalf of the latter. 

While the notion of rivalry between the siblings obviously did not vanish in the middle ages, and in fact new myths about it started to circulate (in one Matarajin assists Susanoo), it can be argued that it was ultimately the new conflict between Amaterasu and Mara that was central to many medieval theologies. While she and Susanoo could be portrayed as antagonistic, there is a case to be made that there were more similarities between medieval ideas about them than there were differences. That was not meant to last, though.

Later developments

The tradition of associating Susanoo with assorted medieval deities first came under criticism in the eighteenth century. Sadakage Amano, an early proponent of kokugaku ("national learning", an early Japanese nationalist ideology) ideas, wrote a treatise dealing with this matter, Gozu Tennō Ben (牛頭天王辨, “Clarification on Gozu Tennō”). Its core premise is that monks and shrine priests alike are deceptively trying to present “foreign” deities as identical with “native” ones. This point was further developed in the nineteenth century by another kokugaku big name, Atsutane Hirata. 

Hirata's self portrait (wikimedia commons)

He reaffirmed that presenting Susanoo and Gozu Tennō as related deities was a nefarious plot, and blamed Kibi no Makibi for starting it. He argued that Makibi spent too much time in China and as a result forsake a pristinely Japanese way of thinking (whatever that wouldn't entail). As a result, when he heard the legend of ox-head sandalwood, which was believed to grow on the mythical continent Uttarakuru and cure diseases, he turned it into a deity, who he subsequently brought to Japan. Then he identified him with Susanoo to increase his prestige.

Was that the historical truth? Kibi no Makibi was an envoy to China and spent around 20 years on the mainland, that much is undeniable. However, the only connection between him and Gozu Tennō I was able to track down is a local legend pertaining to Mount Hiromine in which he meets this deity in a dream, though.

Ultimately like most of Hirata’s writing, his theory consists virtually entirely of confabulations, mostly motivated by extreme levels of xenophobia. Rather ironic for a movement which originally largely developed among the most hardcore neo-Confucian thinkers in Japan. Granted, that’s hardly the only baffling thing about them. The best way to understand what was going on in the heads of kokugaku proponents is to recall how contemporary marble bust profile pic “the west has fallen” trads or Bible literalist creationists function, and adjust that image for the specifics of the Edo period. 

Still, kokugaku theories, nonsensical as they were, kept developing, and finally gained government support after the Meiji revolution. In 1868, the Council of State proclaimed that shrines can no longer use “inappropriate” names to refer to their deities. Gozu Tennō was the only example brought up directly, in part possibly because with the reestablishment of the power of the emperor and the rise of the imperial cult it was viewed as suspicious that a deity unrelated to the imperial court had the moniker of tennō (written with different signs, though). The edict also contains a blanket ban on any name with the element gongen. As a result of the new policies numerous locations had to be renamed, and for the most part the history of Gozu Tennō came to an end. He and his peers eventually came back into the spotlight in the second half of the twentieth century as subjects of scholarly inquiries, and the field of study of medieval and early modern Japanese religions is now booming, with entire monographs and articles published in multiple languages each year, but that’s another story.

The history of Susanoo obviously did not end in the 1860s, though. What followed was probably the single darkest page in it, an era of intense efforts to make him identical with Dangun, the legendary founder of Korea. The goal was explicitly to justify Japanese colonial control over Korea through faux-spiritual means. Since Japanese colonial domination of Korea is a relatively recent and deeply serious historical issue compared to what I cover most of the time, I feel it would be inappropriate to deal with it in the same article as medieval literature which ultimately lacks much of a tangible impact on the modern world, so I hope you won’t mind I don’t go deeper into the detail here. 

With the matter of Susanoo now settled, let’s move on to Indra. The two were never associated with each other, but the latter developed an equally vibrant network of roles and associated deities around him as Susanoo after being transmitted to Japan.

From Indra to Taishakuten

A typical Hindu depiction of thousand-eyed Indra (wikimedia commons)

Indra has a long and complex history, so long he is in fact attested a handful of times in bronze age cuneiform already as one of the notoriously mysterious non-Hurrian Mitanni deities (sic), invoked as personal deities of the royal house in a lengthy treaty oath. This makes him one of the very few “bridges” between my two major normally disconnected interests (the “cuneiform world” on one hand, and East Asian religions and art on the other).

The biggest early text corpus dealing with Indra are the Vedas, where he is the single most frequently mentioned deity, with quite literally hundreds of hymns praising him. Naturally, he remained a part of the history of Hinduism later on, and today he is still well known thanks to his role in popular epics like Ramayana. His relevance is not limited to this system of beliefs alone, though. He has a small (negative) role in the Avesta (see here), and he was embraced by various schools of Buddhism across much of Asia. 

In early Buddhism, the prestige of Indra was not particularly great. This obviously reflects the fact that the formative years of Buddhism were also a period of Indra’s relative decline as an actively worshiped god back at home at the expense of deities central in contemporary Hinduism like Vishnu and Shiva. However, he surprisingly regained some of his original prestige thanks to developments which occurred outside of India. This is well documented in East Asia in particular. I’ll only cover his Japanese reception here - therefore, through most of the rest of the article I will use his Japanese name, Taishakuten (帝釈天), accordingly. Buddhism emphasizes not Indra’s warlike side and his battles with asuras, let alone a connection with the weather, but rather his role as a heavenly ruler. He keeps epithets related to his 1000 eyes, but to the best of my knowledge this is not really reflected in Buddhist art, especially not in Japan. Another role retained by him in Buddhism is that of a directional deity, the protector of the east.

Something that’s worth highlighting is that asuras in general just aren’t that big of a deal in Japanese Buddhism. Outside of enumerations of non-human sentient beings, only Rahu and Ketu have a substantial role, and that’s more because they’re astral deities rather than because they’re asuras. Otherwise the entire category is about as opaque as mahoragas (when you look up “mahoraga” online 99% results are a Jujutsu Kaisen character, as it turns out, which speaks volumes about their general obscurity) and the like. Hard to make opposition to them the focus of a major deity when even gandharvas have a bigger role to play.

I can only think of a handful of major references to battles between Taishakuten and asuras in Japanese literature: an offhand comment in Heike Monogatari (courtesy of Kenreimon-in), a passage from the Taiheiki where Jōkei (who you already met earlier in this article) has the privilege to watch the parties involved reenact the conflict for his benefit, and a myth cited by Annen with no source provided, possibly invented by him. The innovation is that Marici (Marishiten) is a major combatant on the side of the devas, something with no parallel in any other source, whether Buddhist or Hindu. Rahu is singled out among the asuras as an enemy of Taishakuten, but that’s hardly unparalleled.

The conventional image of Taishakuten

A conventional depiction of Taishakuten (wikimedia commons)

For the average Japanese person through much of the country’s history, the most frequent exposure to Taishakuten were standardized oath formulas (kishōmon). These followed a strict hierarchy of deities: Taishakuten, Bonten (Brahma) and the four heavenly kings first, then king Enma, Godo Daishin (Wudao Dashen), Taizan Fukun and other underworld officials (sometimes assisted by astral figures), then kami and representations of Buddhas tied to specific localities (for example the great Buddha of Tōdai-ji), and sometimes various religiously significant historical figures like prince Shotoku or Buddhist patriarchs. Obviously, Taishakuten’s elevated position reflects his role as a heavenly ruler - the “heavenly emperor”, tentei (天帝).

The residence of Taishakuten is the heaven of the thirty three devas (忉利天, Tōriten, a calque from Sanskrit Trāyastriṃśa). It is located on Mount Sumeru, the center of the world according to Buddhist cosmology. Sources from the Heian period indicate the existence of a belief Taishakuten’s heaven is unique in that women could be reborn in it after death without first reincarnating as men. This distinction was otherwise only attributed to the pure land of Maitreya. Note it was not Taishakuten himself who was responsible for guaranteeing that, though, but rather the bodhisattva Fugen, who was particularly popular among Heian court ladies.

Karai Tenjin (wikimedia commons)

Taishakuiten’s major position in the Buddhist-influenced cosmos is also evident in literary compositions focused on other deities. For example, in the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki (道賢上人冥途記, “Record of Dōken Shōnin’s Experience of the Other World”), a version of the legend of Michizane, his revenge is supported by Taishakuten, who gives him a new name, Nihon Dajō Itoku Ten (日本太政威徳天). This is meant to show his banishment was a religious transgression, and we also learn that the emperor responsible for it, Daigo, fell into hell as a result. However, esoteric Buddhism is  also credited with calming Michizane down - as he explains himself, “bodhisattvas (...) were there, and they enthusiastically propagated the esoteric teachings. Because I liked these teachings very much, one-tenth of my deeply seated enmity from my past was reduced.” This obviously goes against the more common legend where being enshrined pacifies Michizabe entirely. In the Dōken version he announces that the enshrined deity, who he calls Karai Taiki Dokuō (火雷大気毒王; “King of Fire-Thunder and Poisonous Air”), is merely his messenger #3 (#1 and #2 are not mentioned).

The closest thing I can think of to Taishakuten being associated with the weather in Japanese sources occurs in a version of the Michizane legend, too: in another variant, Michizane states it was Taishakuten alone who permitted him to enact his vengeance and entrusted him with commanding 105000 thunder gods (in the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki there are 168000 attendants instead, “poisonous dragons, evil demons, deities of water and fire, thunder and lightning, the director of the wind, the master of the rain, and other poisonous, harmful, and evil deities”) and causing disasters. 

From emperor to heaven to controller of fate

Due to his prominent cosmological role Taishakuten is also described in many sources as a  controller of fate responsible for determining the lifespans of living beings. Sometimes, in this capacity he basically overlaps with king Enma - for example, Shishi Yaloan, a Buddhist encyclopedia from the eleventh century, states that he also possesses a mirror in which he can check on his subjects. A local tradition from Tateyama states that he lives on the Taishaku Peak of Mt. Tate, simultaneously regarded as an entrance to Buddhist hell. However, while Enma and the other kings of hell generally stay there, Taishakuten takes a more proactive role, seeking information about the good and bad deeds of the living. Initially, it was believed that a survey of the whole world was conducted on his behalf by the four heavenly kings, but by the tenth century, a belief that he performs it himself every four months himself developed.

The famously unconventional depiction of Taishakuten from Shibamata Taishakuten, still distributed today in the form of ofuda (wikimedia commons)

In the Edo period, Taishakuten as a controller of fate developed a connection with deities associated with the tradition of kōshin nights. In this context he became the deity the three worms living in every person’s body report their good and bad deeds to. Temples associated with him, like Shibamata Taishakuten (famous among other things for its unconventional images of the eponymous deity), were historically a popular destination for pilgrimages tied to kōshin celebrations.

While the fate connection ultimately came to the forefront in Japan, it would be unfair to say it entirely superseded the original heavenly role. As a matter of fact, it was the fact that Taishakuten was a “heavenly emperor” (tentei) that made him such a good fit for kōshin.

The elusive "emissary of Taishaku" As early as in the Muromachi period, yet another deity came to be viewed as responsible for Taishakuten's survey of the world in a variant tradition: one of the so-called “ambulatory deities” (遊行神, yugyōjin; “ambulatory” as in “wandering”, not in the medical sense) , Ten’ichi(jin) (天一神; also read Nakagami), literally “the first deity of heaven”. He was regarded as a “vassal” of Taishakuten and the commander of the Twelve Heavenly Generals. Each of his cyclical surveys of the world lasted 44 days (four times five days for each of the main directions and then four times six for the intermediate ones). That was followed by sixteen days during which he reported the vices and virtues he recorded to Taishakuten in heaven, with his own underling Nichiyū(jin) (日遊神; “playing sun deity”) descending to earth instead. During Tenichi’s absence, which started with a day referred to as Ten’ichi tenjō (天一天上), directional taboos pertaining to various astral deities, which normally had to be countered with a practice known as “changing directions” (方違え, katatagae), did not apply.

Taishaku Shisha (top right) and his peers accompanying Dakiniten (wikimedia commons)

Another interesting thing about Ten’ichi is that he was identified with an elusive deity known simply as Taishaku Shisha (帝釈使者), literally “emissary of Taishaku”. At first glance this doesn’t really sound interesting - after all, Taishaku Shisha’s name sounds exactly like what Ten’ichi does - but completely unexpectedly, the former actually belongs to the entourage of Dakiniten. His attributes make him resemble officials of the underworld, though he is never portrayed as menacing, always as benign, and his duty is to report the good and bad deeds to his superiors, much like Ten’ichi does. He additionally functions as a god of wisdom, which according to Bernard Faure might reflect Dakiniten’s link to the bodhisattva Monju, famous due to an association with this concept.

Curiously, while Taishaku Shisha is at least nominally a member of a group of four “acolytes” of Dakiniten alongside Tennyoshi (天女子; “heavenly maiden”; holds a bow), Shakunyoshi (赤女子; “red maiden”; holds a halberd and a “seduction jewel”, aikei-gyoku, 愛敬玉) and Kokunyoshi (黒女子; “black maiden”; holds a sword and a black jewel), he is sometimes described as de facto separate from them. Perhaps the fact his very name links him with another deity has something to do with that. Also, he is absent from the origin myth of the three maidens, who according to Hoki Naiden flew to Japan from India. According to Bernard Faure, it is possible his roles overlapped in part with Dakiniten’s own emissaries, the tengu Tonyūgyō (頓遊行; brings happiness) and Suyochisō (須臾馳走; brings longevity).

Dakiniten, “demon kings” and Amaterasu: the network of Taishakuten

Dakiniten (wikimedia commons)

Taishakuten’s connection with Dakiniten goes beyond the figure of Taishaku Shisa. The Mizōukyo (未曽有經) contains a myth according to which a fox once tricked Indra into accepting the animal as his master is recorded. It serves as an explanation for the notably fox-like Dakiniten’s elevated role in the royal ascension rite devised by Shingon priests (it was still performed in the 19th century, emperor Meiji was the first to abstain from it). In folk beliefs Taishakuten was also sometimes assigned the role of the “master of the foxes”, which normally belonged to her instead.

The link to these animals according to Bernard Faure might have reflected a more ambivalent perception of Taishakuten than usually expected. The other possible piece of evidence in favor of this interpretation is a poem which proclaims that he and Tsuno Daishi, the demonic manifestation of Ryōgen, look “like brothers”. The latter is a complex figure, but it will suffice to say here that historically he was sometimes perceived as a “demon king” (魔王, maō). On the other hand, the original holder of this title, the “Demon King of the Sixth Heaven” (in other words, Mara) was said to offer his blood to Taishakuten on “blood-shunning days” (地幅, chi-imbi). In practical terms, this meant a religious prohibition on the drawing of blood, acupuncture and moxibustion on a specific day, different each month. I need to stress here that even though figures such as Dakiniten and the “demon kings” obviously originated in the realm of demonology - respectively as a flesh-eating, vital essence-stealing demon and as the tempter of the Buddha - they eventually developed much more complex and nuanced characters. Therefore, it is not unexpected major deities appear in association with them. In the middle ages, even Amaterasu was frequently linked with them. Funnily enough, in contrast with Susanoo Amaterasu does have a connection to Taishakuten as well. Tenshō Daijin Kuketsu (天照大神口決; “Oral Transmission.Pertaining to the Great Goddess Amaterasu”) from 1328 states that she corresponds to him - but also to Bonten, Shōten (Ganesha), the kushōjin (倶生神; these would take a bit to explain), king Enma and Godō Daijin. Granted, another roughly contemporary treatise, Reikiki, instead proclaims Taishakuten, the “heavenly emperor” (tentei; just like in the later kōshin tradition) the “kami-body” of Toyouke, the outer shrine Ise deity. However, these matters ultimately go beyond the scope of this response. Stay tuned for my article about medieval Amaterasu to find out more!

Bibliography

Ryūichi Abe, Women and the “Heike Nōkyō”: the Dragon Princess, the Jewel and the Buddha

Bernard Faure, The Fluid Pantheon (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 1)

Idem, Protectors and Predators  (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 2)

Idem, Rage and Ravage (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 3)

Gerald Gromer, A Year in Seventeenth-Century Kyoto. Edo-Period Writings on Annual Ceremonies, Festivals, and Customs

Takuya Hino, The Daoist Facet of Kinpusen and Sugawara no Michizane Worship in the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki: A Translation of the Dōken Shōnin Meidoki

Nobumi Iyanaga, Medieval Shintō as a Form of 'Japanese Hinduism': An Attempt at Understanding Early Medieval Shintō

William Lindsey, Religion and the Good Life: Motivation, Myth, and Metaphor in a Tokugawa Female Lifestyle Guide

Fabio Rambelli, Before the First Buddha: Medieval Japanese Cosmogony and the Quest for the Primeval Kami

Hiroo Satō, Wrathful Deities and Saving Deities in: Fabio Rambelli and Mark Teeuwen (eds.), Buddhas and Kami in Japan. Honji Suijaku as a Combinatory Paradigm

Idem, The Emergence of Shinkoku (Land of the Gods) Ideology in Japan in: Henk Blezer and Mark Teeuwen (eds.), Challenging Paradigms. Buddhism and Nativism: Framing Identity Discourse in Buddhist Environments

David Weiss, The God Susanoo and Korea in Japan’s Cultural Memory: Ancient Myths and Modern Empire.

[starlit-dreaming]

[idea] the spiteful fake dating au

inspo from this post [click here]

obligatory tag (im an attention whore and therefore i summon thee): @lithi @hwang-lucas

tl;dr if you dont wanna click on the link:

"i know we could half-ass it, but i would never fake mistreat my fake husband, how dare you" which reads like athy to me

and

"my baby cousins are probably screwed when it comes to their chances of turning out normal, but I’d like them to have one healthy example in their life" which can pass as a caring uncle lucas

.

the setting and my Vision:

modern au, lucathy are probably mid-20s or early 30s im thinking??? maybe kinda like the ons/fwb au where athy's like. 28 and lucas is gonna be 30

so as the lines i've quoted state, lucas is gonna be a caring uncle whose brothers have shit show marriages. a train wreck and not gonna be healthy at all (oldest has a falling apart 15 year marriage and kids were their solution of slapping tape on the problems; youngest has a hateful wife and is a doormat probably; i need a reminder on whether or not lucas is the youngest but im gonna treat him as the middle bro atm cause its the Vibes).

and yeah, he wants Nothing^tm to do with his family, but his nieces and nephews deserve to see a healthy relationship to have as an example and damn does he hate his in-laws more than his actual family

so he asks athy to be his fake wife

(i feel like it'd be funny if they signed a marriage certificate just in case lucas deals with paranoid family (when really he's just paranoid and athy's an overthinker who HELPED him get paranoid at the thought), then they got drunk, and accidentally submitted the paperwork and just straight up forgot

"wdym you guys ACTUALLY filed the paperwork?????????" -- helena probs

"oh shit does that mean we got married fr???" -- athy, before the panic settles in

it becomes an inside joke among their friends after the panic of it wears off because now they're pretty much committed to the bit for the sake of lucas' nieces and nephews so now there are jokes about "where's your wife/husband" and "" etc etc)

athy's gonna constantly overthink it (and desperately trying to avoid ever mentioning it to her parents because her mom would be so disappointed that there wasnt a wedding and claude might kill lucas if he makes athy cry)

plus she's 100% gonna be ready to fite lucas's shitty relatives if they say something bad about him

side note: diana 100% thinks that lucas is athy's long-time bf so she's always joking with claude that lucas is finally gonna drop down on one knee any day now and claude, being a super big grump, is just "at least its not that alpheus kid"

little do they know that lucas became a legit in-law (although they still invite him for family dinners, and when its mentioned that athy's parents treat him as family, lucas's parents and grandparents take that as a CHALLENGE)

athy being petty by having a sickeningly sweet relationship and talking about how wonderful lucas is as a husband and partner because of how much she just straight up hates one of the sister in-laws

i'm self-indulgent, so i'm gonna have the classic "my sister in-law tried to sleep with my husband" stories

also idk if its just me but when it comes to fake dating aus (which i'm a SUCKER for) i think its a++++++++ when one of them casually goes "yknow if we were actually doing this for realsies, we'd probably be making out in a closet rn" and the other person sweating cause that sounds infinitely better than what they're doing rn

ALSO

the casual "oh yeah athy's crazy about that kinda shit" or "lucas would absolutely hate that lmao" and just FLEXING on everyone about how good of a partner they are to the other

and lucas, who originally suggested that they don't have to do any lovey-dovey stuff and that they can just be the same as always, ends up getting a fuming athy who more or less goes "my REPUTATION would be at stake if people found out that we broke up just because i wasn't being a loving and caring partner, so hell no!!!!!"

aksulifdfhbjdkshf i'm running on like,,,,,,, 5 hours of sleep and havent slept in like,,,,, 17 hours now

so i'm just gonna leave this unedited all-over-the-place mess here

[misselysia]

Clive x Reader (Part 2)

Part 1

pairing: clive rosfield x (female) reader word count: 1658 (much more than originally planned lol)

Part 2, yay! As always, criticism and suggestions for improvement are welcome!✌️ Special shout-out to the dear @drabblesandimagines You can't imagine how much I adore your work and writing-style. I always get so giddy when reading your newest oneshot. No. 1 fan here✧༺♥♥♥༻∞

On your way out, you immediately felt bad, but your mind told you to forget about it.

He deserved better than you...

A week passed by and luckily the Hideaway's routine became a great distraction, but no matter how hard you tried, thoughts of him crept into your mind like persistent shadows.

You desperately wanted to do something about it, but those words kept replaying in your mind.

He deserves better than me.

He deserves better.

Jill - his best friend since childhood. Like a sister. Oh sure... She was perfect from what you could tell. A fine Lady with the finest manners. As if they were made for each other. It always hurt seeing them together. What a selfish thought to keep him all for myself.

It hurt even more thinking about it. You wanted those thoughts to stop but they kept haunting you. Thinking that a bit of fresh air could do you good at the moment, you strolled down to the pier in the Hideaway. Nighttime always had that calming effect on you. After finding a spot to sit, you allowed yourself to close your eyes and take in the breeze of the sea. Having a moment where you didn't have to worry about anything was really pleasant. But that night still kept replaying in your mind.

The way he pulled you onto him... How close the two of you were... What could possibly have happened if you hadn't run away...

You snapped your eyes back open, a deep sigh escaping your lips. "Not again..." You inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to get rid of the thoughts. Not until you felt something soft nuzzling into your side, accompanied by a gentle yawn. Only then did you realize it was none other than Torgal. A smile tugged at your lips as you began to pat him gently. "Good boy. What are you doing here huh?" You couldn't help but to wonder as to why the wolf would be here out of all places. "Did you decide to take a break from your owner?" Your own question brought a soft chuckle to your lips. You caught a soft, happy noise from him, as he cozied up comfortably beside you, stretching out and relishing the scratches you were giving him. "Ah, Torgal, what should I do? Your owner just won't leave my mind. But it's clear we're not meant for each other." You continued rambling, mostly to Torgal, but also to sort out your thoughts. "I mean, I'm just me, you know? Tarja's apprentice and running errands all over the Hideaway. And then there's Clive... well, he's Clive. By the founder, he's still a Rosfield. A Lord. And on top a Dominant. He's just everything!" Your frustration was evident in your exclamation.

As you were pouring out your thoughts to Torgal, a voice broke through your monologue, interrupting your internal struggle. "Everything, huh? I... didn't expect you to think so highly of me."

Your heart skipped a beat as you turned your head in surprise. There stood Clive, leaning against a nearby post, a half-smile playing on his lips. He looked effortlessly handsome, his dark hair ruffled by the wind, his deep blue eyes fixed on you with an unreadable expression. Your cheeks flushed, caught completely off guard by his sudden appearance. You hadn't expected him to be here. Though that would explain why Torgal was here. Stammering, you managed to find your words. "Clive, I... I didn't expect to see you here." He chuckled softly, pushing himself off the post and taking a step closer. "Well, I figured I'd take a walk down by the pier. And it seems Torgal had the idea before me." Torgal shifted, curiously looking at his owner. Clive smiled before giving the wolf a gentle pat. "Good boy. You keeping Y/N company?"

Your heart raced, torn between wanting to run away and wanting to stay and face the situation. Clive's presence was overwhelming, and the memories of that night kept flooding back. You averted your gaze, trying to gather your thoughts. "I... I mean... yes, seems... he had the same idea before you." Clive's gaze remained fixed on you, his expression softening slightly. It's the first time you've actually spoken to him since that night. "Mind if I join you?" You managed a weak nod, unable to find your voice. Clive settled down beside you, mimicking your position by the pier's edge.

"Beautiful night, isn't it?" He remarked, looking out at the blighted, yet moonlit water.

You finally found the courage to speak, though your words came out in a hushed tone. "Clive, listen... about that night at the infirmary... I'm sorry I ran off like that. It's just that, well, it was all so unexpected, and I didn't know how to..." He turned his gaze towards you, his blue eyes, by the founder you loved his eyes, holding a mix of amusement and understanding. "It's alright, Y/N. I admit I might've caught you off guard. But I've been thinking about that night too." Your heart raced at his words, your feelings in turmoil. "You... have?" He nodded, his gaze unwavering. "I have. And I've been wondering if you've been avoiding me because of it." You shifted uncomfortably, your fingers playing with the fabric of your dress. "It's not that simple, Clive. You're... well, you're you, and I'm just... me." He reached out, gently placing his hand over yours, stilling your restless fingers. "Y/N, you don't have to compare yourself to anyone. You're your own person, and that's what makes you so special." His touch sent shivers down your spine, and you found yourself looking into his eyes, a sincerity that made your heart flutter. "I... I'm just not sure about all of this. It's complicated." He smiled warmly, his thumb caressing the back of your hand. "Life is complicated, but sometimes, it's worth taking a chance." Torgal let out a contented whine, as if sensing a shift in the atmosphere. Clive's presence was reassuring, and a part of you wanted to believe his words. Maybe, just maybe, it was worth taking a chance, even if your heart was still unsure.

As the moonlight danced on the water, you felt a glimmer of hope within you, a small flame of possibility that maybe, just maybe, you could find something meaningful amidst the complexity of it all. But of course your mind had to complicate it even more. "What... what about Jill?" You swallowed hard, feeling a knot form in your throat as you continued. "Jill is wonderful, Clive. You two have history that I can't compete with. She's been by your side for so long." Clive only leaned in closer, his voice soft but resolute. "Jill has always been a dear friend, a sister, but that doesn't mean my heart isn't capable of making its own choices." Before you could reply, his hand cupped your cheek, his touch warm against your skin. And then, in a moment that stole your breath away, his lips met yours in a gentle kiss. It was soft and tender, filled with unspoken emotions you had been struggling to voice.

As he pulled away, his eyes searched yours, searching for a response. "Y/N, I don't want you to doubt yourself. You deserve happiness as much as everyone else. I'm not looking for a shadow of Jill. I'm looking for you." Tears welled up in your eyes, a mix of emotions overwhelming you. His words, his touch, the kiss - all of it was like a balm to your insecurities that had plagued you. You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath to steady yourself. When you opened them again, you found Clive still looking at you, waiting for your reaction. You let out a shaky laugh, a mixture of relief and vulnerability. "You have your way with words, Clive." He smiled, his thumb brushing away the tear that had escaped. "I just speak from the heart." Your lips formed into a smile of your own, the weight of your doubts beginning to lift. "Clive, I..." He reached out, his fingers gently touching your lips to silence you. "You don't have to say anything if you're not ready, Y/N. I don't want to rush you." You appreciated his understanding, but something in you had shifted. The emotions you had kept locked away for so long were finally finding their voice. You placed your hand on his, holding it against your lips for a moment, before looking back into his deep blue eyes. "No, Clive." Your voice got steadier now. "I want to say this. I need to say this." You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the words you were about to say. "I love you, Clive Rosfield. I love you for who you are, for how you've helped me see beyond my doubts, for the way you've shown me that happiness is worth pursuing. Just now, I fell even harder for you." Clive's eyes seemed to shimmer with emotion as he looked at you, his thumb gently tracing your lips. The moonlight played on his features, casting a surreal glow around him. And then, a slow, genuine smile spread across his face, his eyes never leaving yours. "I love you too, Y/N.", he said, his voice carrying the weight of his feelings. "I've admired you from the moment we met, but now... my heart is truly yours." In that moment, it felt as if the stars above were shining just for the two of you. Clive leaned in, and this time you met him halfway. Your lips brushed against each other, a sweet and tender kiss that sealed your feelings. As you pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, your breaths intermingling. You felt his arms wrapping around you, holding you close, and you felt the truth of his affection in every touch.

Maybe it wasn't so bad to get some fresh air after all...

[maze-of-my-design]

persona fun facts :o? can be from any game!

totally not copy-pasted from dms FUN FACTS BRIGADE (also i cut it in half with a readmore bc its. a lot)

Ann is the tallest girl among the Phantom Thieves, santing at 5'5! (In my head she is taller than Ren but shh)

If you take the thieves to darts, the worst player in the gang is surprisingly not Morgana, but Sumire! Don't ask me how she's worse than a cat!

In P5 (including royal), Ann is the only romance option to directly say "I love you" to the protagonist without cutting herself off* (and, i'm half sure, she's one of the few direct kisses a protagonist receives in a persona game) and honestly? good for them ily ann im so gay for her *Sumire says it too, even before being romanced, but it's not a complete "i love you", per se. She stutters through her confession and Ren has to finish it for her because she's so flustered, which is pretty cute i'll be real but in terms of Saying it, it technically doesn't count.

Sho Minazuki (yknow, the guy from the arena games) was originally meant to be the protagonist for P5! This is massively implied in ending dialogue for the Arena games, as well as how similar the two look if you, like, dye his hair black. Also if you recall the original Femc for P5 with the neon red hair…

Sumire lives with her dad, that much is obvious, but the Royal artbook reveals she also lives with her grandma and her mother!

Among all the non-party-member confidants in P5 (including royal), only 5 find out Ren's identity as a Phantom Thief through something else other than a mementos request. These are Maruki, Yoshida, Sojiro, Mishima, and Sae

The Featherman series is a Power Rangers style anime that airs in the inner universe of the series. Contrary to what the Dancing games make us believe, There's always only 5 Feather soldiers that are part of the main crew: Pink Argus, Red Hawk, Black Condor, Yellow Owl, and Blue Swan. These names, however, are sometimes interchanged between "generations" of the show.

Actually lemme go on a tangent (you asked for fun facts you're GETTING fun facts) There are three generations of the Featherman show to date: OG Featherman (persona 2), Featherman R (Persona 3), and Featherman V (P4 and the Arena games). There's actually a change in the naming semantics every new generation of Featherman. For example, take this excerp from the wiki: "Red Eagle (from Featherman), Feather Hawk (from Featherman R and/or Neo Featherman), Feather Red (from Featherman V)" So in P2, the naming convention is "[Color] [Bird name]", in P3 it's "Feather [bird name]" and in P4 it's "Feather [color]"

Ok tangent over don't ask me how i know so much about a fictional series from a fictional game JSVGEFVR more fun facts

Sumire actually has the biggest amount of portrait sprite variations, since it includes her Kasumi and her Sumire sprites. She deserves it tbh, fashion icon

Another Sumire fact! Did you know Maruki "transformed" sumi into her sister on her birthday? I sure did! Fuck you Maruki!! Uninvited from MY birthday party for sure

Sumire, piror to the third semester, is only ever called by her last name, Yoshizawa, by everyone aside from Ren, Morgana and Futaba. This is a very a subtle way to show something's up with her and i gasped when i first found out about it.

Ok fine enough P5 facts have a P3 fact. It's kinda well known im pretty sure but Makoto Yuki's barrage of official names include, also, Sakuya Shiomi from the stageplay. Sakuya means "blossom" or "bloom". Hey do you recall that he dies in March 5th? yknow, when spring starts? Cherry trees. you get it

Back to P5, Tactica reveals that Haru used to indulge in chopping firewood when she was younger. Her dad didn't like that for her, but he never tried to stop her. This probably leads to her having an Axe as part of her Phantom Thief artillery.

Did you know Fuuka and Futaba actually become friends in the Dancing games? They sadly don't remain friends after losing their memories post-game but Fuuka knew her as Alibaba, and Futaba knew her as Lucia :) I hope they became friends online again

In the jazz jin in Royal, Futaba reveals that the retro console you use to play games was hers, and that she'd sold it to the shop in Yongen. Also apparently the busted laptop you buy there was Haru's! (fact also revealed in the Jazz Jin)

[godsofhumanity]

🪓 desert-storm69 Follow

aita for not giving my nephew his inheritance?

i (M) come from a family 4. i have two sisters and a brother (older than me). growing up, my brother was always wayyy more favoured than I. Our father gave him all of his property and titles instead of me when he decided to retire. i was annoyed about this since i should’ve been included in the inheritance, but didn’t say anything because i’m pretty strong myself and not a crybaby. Anyways, a little while ago, my brother passed away (unrelated story, do not ask me for context. it was a NATURAL passing), and so i, like a good brother, took over my brother’s property and household and have been managing it peacefully ever since 😌.

However, recently my brother’s wife decided to come back to town and claims that her son should be managing the property instead of me. i politely told her that i’m a lot older than her son (he has no real world experience and would definitely be overwhelmed by the role), and so it really would be better for everyone if i stayed in charge. She argued that since it was originally my brother’s property, therefore his son should get everything, but i think that since my brother’s property was actually our father’s property and i’m the only remaining son of our father, it should be mine. my SIL decided to throw a big stink and has gotten all of our extended family involved too and no one can really make a decision about who the property should go to. my nephew and i have been forced to participate in all sorts of weird “trials” to try and see who’s best suited to stay in charge, and it’s just been incredibly exhausting 🙄 (yes, i have been winning ALL of them!). none of this would have happened if my SIL hadn’t gotten involved.

I’m really saddened by the way my SIL has handled the whole thing, and i know that her son just isn’t ready to take over from me 😒. He’s incredibly immature, short-tempered and generally unlikeable. Some things he’s done during this whole scenario include: chopping his mother’s head off, jacking off in MY LUNCH!!, and making an “L” sign on his forehead every time he sees me. i just can’t stand the idea of a little brat like him taking what i’ve worked so hard to protect and grow 😡😡.

☀️ sun-official Follow

NTA!! your nephew sounds stupid, and you sound like a good, strong, upstanding member of society. don’t give up the fight! ignore all the idiotic replies. i’m sorry you had to go through this, if you need some more advice, feel free to DM me.

🪓 desert-storm69 Follow

no, i never even TOUCHED him. i’m nice to him all the time. he’s just crazy.

🪄 i-want-my-mummy Follow

uhmmm Set?? is that you. i s2g if this is you.. YTA stop lying about everything and please keep your hands and feet to yourself around my son!!

🧟‍♂️ hi-im-mummy-deactivated00200121

YTA, can you please just give @i-want-my-mummy's and my son what he deserves... we've been arguing about this for like 80+ years.

🪓 desert-storm69 Follow

how the hell are you even replying on my post?!?! i thought i got you deactivated!!!! @ staff deactivate everyone voting "YTA" immediately!!!!11!!

#y'all only hate me because i threatened to kill you all on multiple occasions #weaklings

(534 notes)

[maxtermind]

Alsooo about how annoying that my ask got deleted thankfully it was only two I think so I shall recap

In regards to the text post I WAS ONCE AGAIN RAGING AT YOUR WRITING AND MY DECISION TO READ SAID WRITING the texts were hilarious and I loved how reader didn’t take no shit (I personally would have loved some more vengeance or violence but that’s me) but what I do not understand is why I decided to and allowed myself to read the full length cheating writing post you made cuz I knew I wouldn’t make it through normally

I ABHOR CHEATING AND ATILL READ IT LIKE AN IDIOT most of them were fine and just normal level of annoying cuz boo hoo so sorry your stupid brain compelled you to make a mistake I hope you shove that mistake up your ass THE ONLY TRUE MISTAKE WAS YOUR MOM NOT SWALLOWING YOU

but then I got to lando and ash???? you must truly be sick in the head cuz WTF DO YOU MEAN THIS ATROCIOUS FILTHY CREATURE DEICDED TO CHEAT WITH MY COUSIN WHO IS NOW EQUALLY DEMOTED FOR ABSOLUTE DIRT I personally would have either threw him off a balcony or told him to kill him self 😊 y’all love each other so much do me a favor and reenact the ending to Romeo and Juliet pls and thanks (and I thought about it even deeper in an Asian fam context where cousins rlly be your besties or your worst enemy so that shit just riled me up even more)

ok damn I recalled a lot more than I thought I did how’d this end up being word for word with even more emphasis than the original 😵‍💫

ANYWAY BE PREPARED TO PAY FOR MY THERAPY

-🙈

THE WAY I HATE TUMBLR FOR THAT BABE BEING SO SRS I'm so glad I got this one😭😭😭

OMG I LOVE VENGEANCE BUT I think it was too early😫 I promise the part 2 will comfort you so much baby

NEVER EXCUSE CHEATING BUT I love cheating fics so much (might have to do with unsolved trauma where I think I don't deserve loyalty but LOL)

"THE ONLY TRUE MISTAKE WAS YOUR MOM NOT SWALLOWING YOU" PLEASE SHEIUDIEHDJ!! YOU FR:

I wanted to personally end the last one with a BANG and had to make it hurt the most😭😭 as a fellow asian, i have to say you're so right, I would kms if my cousin sister (the only one I like) did that to me. men be gone, sisterhood should be 4life😔

omg this is why mafia aus work so well y/n can 100% take revenge in form of murder and get away with it unscathed

anyway, babes this was so fun I love you so much for writing everything down again. you've made my day once again I hope you know that

[areanoodles]

Rainbow High Rewrite

This is my rainbow high rewrite ideas and thoughts. I've been thinking about this time from time for some months and didn't think to post it until recently, since, it would be nice to get other peoples insight.

●season 3, 4, and 5 will be changed completely

●season 1 and 2 might be slightly kept the same but for certain parts of these season, they might be changed and put in another season or be done differently

●season 3 will not be focusing on rainbow vision. Originally, I was going to take out rainbow vision in the Rewrite. But then, rewatching season 3 , I decided not to take out rainbow vision

●season 3 will focus on pacific coast high since they were introduced in episode 1 of season 3 and weren’t focused on anymore

●season 4 will focus on shadow high

●then once at season 5, that’ll focus on rainbow vision. By then, you’d already have a good idea of how the characters from pacific coast high and shadow high are in the previous seasons(season 3 and 4)

●I don’t have much of an idea for pacific coast high when I decide to have them as the main focus of season 3

●I have more of an idea for shadow high in season 4. Back a few months ago, I was thinking of how shadow high could be introduced. It will be introduced through luna. Since luna goes to shadow high, and the girls(sunny’s friends, except for violet)don’t know about luna, sunny would reveal luna to them. This is a way for shadow high to be introduced before rainbow vision

●Then, season 4 can focus on shadow high and also sunny and luna’s relationship.

●project rainbow will be excluded out of the rewrite completely, as well as rainbow world

●season 5 for rainbow vision may just end up properly focusing on the rivalry of shadow and rainbow high(they’re literally the only schools that have so much against each other)

●maybe even getting some more interactions of certain characters from different schools together

●as of season 1 and 2, I didn’t have much to think about for plot but as I thought more recently about the rewrite, and how the characters could be more fledged out

●If I were to keep in bella getting expelled still, she’d probably get expelled a little later than in episode 7 of season 1

●If I were to properly fledge out each and every character of rainbow high and give them a full proper run down(like they deserve), I’d need a Simpsons amount of seasons just to do so

●I think in prior season, luna or shadow high should be hinted at a bit, just to give the idea that luna exists prior to my season 4 idea

●About being more fledged out and expanded on, neurodivergent characters, or even aspects the characters already have(pr have been mentioned in their bios or wikis) that can be expanded through each season

●For instance, violet willow. I think that having her expanded on would be good. Her little falling out with sunny in the very beginning(season 1 episode 1)should’ve been brought up a bit more. Violet is a very interesting character in my opinion. She honestly kind of depicts actual people irl in my opinion

●also, the mention of some of the characters families(like the madison family) interest me a lot. A lot of the characters have sisters, either described in their bios, or wikis(Ashton, river, karma, ainsley, lola wilde, Robin and ayesha sterling, ect). Then there’s like 3 sets a twins. The characters that do have sibling, don’t have brothers at all. It should at least be diverse in some way

This is what I have so far. I think I had more to add but these are my general ideas for each season. This is my rainbow high rewrite so far.

[kazoosandfannypacks]

summary: 

 "Of all the mindless, idiotic, pointless, senseless, half-brained, dim-witted, bone-headed, just downright stupid things that Ezra had done in the last seven years since Sabine met him, this one was the biggest one.

 It would've been okay if he'd just not told her how he felt. She didn't mind the mixed signals when he even told her it was okay with him if she went out with Tarik. 

 But then, for whatever reason, Ezra had somehow convinced himself it was a good idea to show up at the restaurant with arm candy of his own— one of the catty Togruta sisters who was more than excited for a "front row seat to the Rebellion's second favorite 'will they/won't they.'"

 Sabine's own date had been stupid enough to let them make it a double date— and that stupidity combined with Ezra's own was a recipe for disaster."

and the argument that follows in its aftermath.

word count: 1.6K

a/n: my mom's been rewatching the jonas brothers tv show, and the first season is one of my silly little comfort shows, so i've enjoyed joining her for it when i can. a couple weeks ago while watching an episode, i heard the dialogue "what about a guy NOT asking a girl out because he likes her, huh? have you EVER stopped to consider that?" "that makes LITERALLY NO SENSE!" and i couldn't help but think of sabezra, so decided to make a oneshot based on this episode. most of the initial dialogue and actions is pulled from the show directly, but everything past sabine's "i see your point," is kazzy original material because the rest didn't give enough closure for a oneshot.

takes place post canon in an au where ezra did not get purrgiled. shoutout to @kanerallels, as always, for betaing! also, huge shoutout to @jessicas-pi for letting me borrow a couple of her ocs! you can read more about them in her absolute masterpiece of a story, commit to the bit!

taglist:@laughingphoenixleader  @accidental-spice @kanerallels @piraterefrigerator @jedi-nurse @dootchster @lucasbridger  @redroverrider @light-umbra @commander-tech {if you’d like to be added to or removed from my Sabezra taglist, let me know!}

also on ao3!

We Gotta Work This Out

 Of all the mindless, idiotic, pointless, senseless, half-brained, dim-witted, bone-headed, just downright stupid things that Ezra had done in the last seven years since Sabine met him, this one was the biggest one.

 "If he didn't want me to go out with Tarik, he could've just said something, instead of butting into my social life like that," Sabine thought, fists clenched as she paced around The Ghost, "and if he wanted to be part of my social life, he should just say it."

 The past few months, Ezra had let hints of his feelings for her drop on more than one occasion, and she hadn't exactly been subtle about how she felt either. And yet, Ezra hadn't asked her out yet, and Tarik had, so of course, she'd said yes. She couldn't wait around forever just for Ezra to not say anything at all.

 It would've been okay if he'd just not told her how he felt. She didn't mind the mixed signals when he even told her it was okay with him if she went out with Tarik. 

 But then, for whatever reason, Ezra had somehow convinced himself it was a good idea to show up at the restaurant with arm candy of his own— one of the catty Togruta sisters who was more than excited for a "front row seat to the Rebellion's second favorite 'will they/won't they.'"

 Sabine's own date had been stupid enough to let them make it a double date— and that stupidity combined with Ezra's own was a recipe for disaster.

 Predictably, the romantic evening had fallen apart like a cheap ration bar. It started small, with a few clever and cutting remarks between Sabine and Ezra, but it ended with what would've been a not-so-friendly sparring match, if Am-Lee hadn't defused by asking them to pause so the holo of the moment she took for her gossip chain didn't turn out blurry. But instead of giving Ezra the butt-whooping he deserved, Sabine then took the high ground and told Tarik to take her home immediately.

 Unfortunately for both of them, home for Sabine didn't actually get her any further from Ezra, and as soon as he'd dropped off his date and returned to The Ghost, Sabine was waiting for him, arms crossed, not even having taken the time to change out of the dress she'd worn for her date.

 "What's up?" Ezra shrugged, using a casual saunter to hide how steamed up he still was.

 "'What's up?'" Sabine scoffed, "like you don't know 'what's up?' I don't understand how you could be so conceited, and selfish, and just thoughtless."

 "Yeah?" Ezra responded in kind, as though well prepared for her harsh words, "well, you are stuck-up, pretentious, and totally gorgeous."

 No insult he could've said would've thrown her off more than that last word.

 "Gorgeous?" Sabine asked.

 "What?" Ezra scowled.

 "You just said I was gorgeous," Sabine shook her head.

 "I meant adorable," Ezra poorly tried to cover, "so adorable you make me sick!"

 "I'm sorry," Sabine said, but by the end of her comment she was almost yelling, generations of Mandalorian rage flowing through her, "but if I'm so 'sickeningly adorable,' then why'd you come to the restaurant tonight?"

 Ezra changed the subject, his tone revealing that he was not a fan of that question.

 "Well, why did you go out with Tarik?"

 "Because he asked me!" Sabine was really yelling now, almost wondering why she'd fallen for someone dumb enough to even ask a question like that. "Isn't that how it works, Ezra? A guy asks out a girl because he likes her?"

 "Because if that's how it works," Sabine thought, fist clenched, "then it's quite clear how Ezra feels about me."

 "What about a guy not asking out a girl because he likes her, huh?" Ezra retorted, as if it were the most obvious and logical comeback in the galaxy and not a strong contender for dumbest thing he'd ever said. "Have you ever thought about that?"

 He walked past her, but she wasn't about to let him leave her before she figured out what his comment was even supposed to mean. She turned around and found he had stopped and turned back as well, and was looking at her.

 "What?" she asked, blood still boiling, wondering if she'd get clarification or just further confirmation of his stupidity.

 "I don't wanna risk everything you and me don't have together!" Ezra snapped.

 "That makes absolutely no sense!" Sabine snapped back.

 "Yeah? Well sometimes things don't make sense!"

 She tried to argue, but in the heat of the argument, she hadn't noticed the sudden heat of him putting his hand on her neck and pulling her close to him. Before she knew what was happening, their lips made their first meeting, and somehow, it was a beautiful one.

 Sabine wasn't sure how to respond to this— holy kriff, it was a kiss, he was kissing her— to this kiss. Her instincts told her to punch him in the gut, but her heart said to pull him closer, because she'd been waiting a long time for this.

 But she didn't have a chance to do either before he pulled away, and she breathed out in response a heavy, "oh."

 Because as upset as she was at Ezra, he'd just absolutely floored her. As much as she couldn't stand him right now, she'd really enjoyed that. As much as she wanted to claim she never wanted to see him again, she knew what she really wanted was to kiss him again.

 Ezra was right. Sometimes things just don't make sense.

 "I see your point," she nodded, looking away from him, still trying to process what had just happened, and not needing Ezra's stupid pretty face clouding her judgment.

 His kiss was reckless and impulsive and thoughtless and, once again, in true Ezra fashion, a downright stupid thing to do. Was this his idea of telling her how he felt? Or just a cheap attempt at shutting her up?

 Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his lips parted in some breathless, awestruck smile, then noticed that his eyes rested on her.

 "Why did you do that?" Sabine asked.

 "I don't know," Ezra shook his head.

 "You do," Sabine turned back to him.

 "You're right," Ezra nodded, slowly, "and I think you know too."

 Sabine bit her lip and nodded, then shook her head. After all the stupid things he'd done that day, he owed her, at the very least, the explanation they both knew was true.

 "I need to hear you say it," she said.

 She read the fear in his eyes. He had no way of knowing for sure she felt the same way. He could be risking seven years of friendship on an emotional whim— though, with everything that had already happened that day, it would be hard either way to salvage any semblance of the friendship they'd once had.

 He opened his mouth as though to speak, then closed it and shook his head.

 "That's what I thought," Sabine thought, shaking her head, turning away from him, walking away from him, "if he can't tell me how he really feels..."

 "I'm in love with you."

 Sabine stopped dead in her tracks. Had Ezra really just said what she thought he said?

 She turned halfway around, then turned her head a little further to face him, then shook her head in disbelief.

 "What?" she asked.

 "I love you," Ezra said, breathing heavily with fear, "that's why I did— all of that. I love you."

 Sabine smiled, then bit her lip, then took a couple steps closer to him.

 "You really mean that?" she asked.

 "Yeah," Ezra said, and his tone and the look in his eyes turned a casual word into a wholehearted declaration of love.

 Sabine stepped closer to him, and from the look in his eyes, she knew he had no idea how she'd respond.

 Which meant he didn't see it coming at all when she reached for his neck, pulled him closer, and planted her lips back on his. She placed her other hand on his shoulder, and as soon as Ezra realized what was happening, his hands were on her sides. 

 It was the kind of kiss that made all the years of waiting for it totally worth it. She heard him sigh, and felt his lips curve into a smile, and hers did the same, and it was the best kriffing moment of her life.

 They didn't pull their lips away from each other until all of that frustration and rage and anger had sunk away, leaving in their place just a carefree joy at each other's mere presence. Even still, his hands didn't leave her sides, and hers didn't leave his shoulder— though now her other hand had slid up to his face, her thumb now softly stroking the scars on his cheek.

 "Now, why did you do that?" Ezra asked, a playful look in his eyes and a smitten smile on his lips.

 "I think you know why," Sabine whispered, biting her lip to keep from smiling too much.

 "I need to hear you say it," Ezra smiled, and he teasingly brushed his nose against hers.

 She sighed, almost like a laugh, and looked deep into his eyes.

 "Because I love you too," she whispered.

 He smiled shyly, letting go of one hand's grip on her side so he could cradle the back of her neck instead.

 She closed her eyes and actually giggled a little, then pressed her forehead lovingly against his.

 Maybe he was still downright stupid sometimes— but hey, she was too. Maybe she still had a lot to learn about how love works— but hey, he did too.

 And now they could work it out together.

[pllat30]

Pilot Rewatch

A warning that my posts may contain spoilers for FIRST time watchers!!

I'm going to be sharing my original thoughts during the first time watching this when I was 17, and my current thoughts rewatching at 30. Some things have changed a lot for over the years lol

I'd also like to add that I may talk about characters being attractive or whatever, but I'm most likely talking about the ACTORS. **For example, Ezra, when I first watched PLL I fell in love with him. Of course, now things have changed with how I feel about the character, but I still find the actor, Ian Harding, incredibly attractive. So if it seems like I'm complimenting Ezra in my current thoughts, I'm talking about Ian.

The Barn Scene:

Right off the bat, the song, DONTTRUSTME by 3OH!3 throws so much nostalgia in my face!! I loved that song so much when it came out!!

Do they really only have the one glass of alcohol they're passing around? Why not a whole bottle?

I know the girls seem really cringy a lot of times but really, that's how a lot of teens are lol so cringe. I definitely was!

First Watch: Hmm. What was Spencer doing awake first??

Rewatch: My poor baby Spencer! :(

Present time, Aria moved back:

I fell in love with Aria's style right away! And her storyline with the secret between her and her dad, Bryon, got me hooked for sure.

Even now, I find it hard to see a teen girl going into a bar alone and ordering food. Unless it's more of a bar and grill?? I'm not sure.

First watch: Ezra is so cute! Just a regular guy thinking he found a cute girl his age. He seems so sweet.

Rewatch: OMG noooo Aria! RED FLAG! He even mentioned writing a BOOK!! OMG!

DANG girl! Aria, you used to just kissing guys who you JUST MET???

Hanna, Mona, and Spencer at the Mall:

I did not like Hanna, Spencer, and Mona at all at in this scene. They seemed so bitchy and snobby. I could not relate to them at all at 17. Now I see awkwardness between Hanna and Spencer, they used to be so close and now they're not. I get that now whenever I run into people I went to school with lol still think Mona is a bitch.

First Watch: OMG Hanna is going to get caught! I can't watch! Rewatch: OMG Hanna your mom is going to hook up with that pervy detective now! I mean I'm not blaming you but damn it's going to suck for you!

Back to School with Aria:

Bryon and Aria are so tense in their scenes together talking about his stupid affair. With a student... I don't fail to see the irony. I actually love how that is written.

I love Emily and Aria's friendship. And I totally get falling out of touch with people.

Oh no... the new teacher... LMAO

Yuck, how Hanna and Mona walk into the classroom. Aria is shocked lol

First Watch: NO FUCKING WAY!! THE GUY FROM THE BAR IS HER TEACHER!! THATS HOT!

Rewatch: EW... OOOH OMG! Mona is at her desk kinda looking away and down like she's discreetly TEXTING under her desk! OHOHOHO!

Emily's House:

OMG I still hate Emily's mom, Pam. At least in the early parts of the show.

Not going to lie I almost forgot about Maya lol I wish her character lasted longer. Just meeting someone and hanging out in their room is wild to me now lol but at 17, totally normal lol but still a little awkward at first.

Spencer's House:

I HATE MELISSA SO MUCH!! ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL!! This is when I started liking Spencer, I felt so bad for her. She's such a hard worker.

First Watch: Oooh who is the hot British guy?? He deserves someone better than bitch Melissa. He's seems so sweet with Spencer. They should get together.

Rewatch: UGH, Wren is still so cute but... UGH I can't remember how exactly he ties into everything with the endgame. But now realizing that he's older and with Spencer's sister, he turned into a creeper.

Aria and Ezra alone in classroom:

First Watch: OMG Aria and Mr. Fitz is so sad. They like each other but can't be together!

Rewatch: Ezra should have stuck with saying he can't be involved with her, wtf!?!

Emily and Maya kiss:

First Watch: Aww, Emily and Maya are cute together. I don't get why Emily can't just come out and tell people.

Rewatch: This is so sad. I know why Emily doesn't want anyone to know, but still.

Spencer's house:

First Watch: I would love a hot British guy to rub my shoulders. So jealous.

Rewatch: I mean I would still love that, but not as a minor with an older guy who is dating and having sex with my older sister!! Get away from her Wren!

Bryon and Ella:

Like, IDK how Ella didn't just stop Bryon right there and ask him WTF is going on. He's acting so suspicious!

Spencer's room:

God I feel so bad for Spencer. I would have been so PISSED with someone moving into my space that I made! I wouldn't have been surprised if she just set the damn thing on fire lmao. WHO THE HELL DID SPENCER SEE IN ALSON'S BEDROOM WINDOW?? I STILL DON'T KNOW!!

FLASHBACKS:

ALI is such a bitch, how were the girls friends with her to begin with?? WTF!

Hanna's House:

OMG that detective is such a perv. He knew walking up to Hanna's door what was going to happen with Ashley making a deal,or at least hoped for it. That pervy grin he has walking inside... I forget exactly what the detective's connections are with Alison and A and everything... but he's sus.

I feel bad for Hanna, I had problems with my body and weight as a teen too... You don't need your father Hanna!! He's a little bitch.

OMG EWW the detective making out with Ashley right in front of Hanna, GROSS that Ashley knows Hanna is right there... WTF

Finding Alison's Body... This song… Suggestions by Orella Has Orchestra. It hits me RIGHT in the feels!!

LOL the recasting of some of the characters seen at the funeral.

First Watch: OMG Ezra and Aria are so cute! He stops her and they kiss again! Maybe things will work out.

Rewatch: Aria, STEP AWAY from Ezra!!!... EZRA!!! STOP!! POLICE!

"Popular in life and death." I love Spencer Quotes lol

OOOH the phone text notification!!

I'm still here bitches!!!

I was very entertained watching this again. I started to remember some things that are connected. I look forward to continuing watching and seeing what else I can catch! I love foreshadowing!

[envolvenuances]

Unofficial Translation of 'A Força de Uma Mulher [A Woman's Strenght]',

Edinanci wonders to herself: 'Did I really deserve to go through that?'

Edinanci Silva, in testimony to Demétrio Vecchioli. For the Sports News series "Minha História / My History". Please check the original;

I was bored and still getting notes on that addition I made to @f1ghtsoftly's post metioning the case with a brazilian judo athlete. So this is a quick work of translating it with probably too many translators notes.

Published at the Newspaper UOL, in São Paulo.  Publication Date May 24 of 2024.

In order to get on a bus in the city of Campina Grande (Paraíba), which was heading towards São Paulo, more than 30 years ago, I told my mother I would return. But the journey that would allow me to earn a living fighting judo was a one-way trip.

Months later, I told her a harsh truth, about how I was thinking of ending my life. All our lives were already too filled with suffering, filled with pain, to be subjected to all that public scrutinity on top of things.

I alone know the strenght it cost me to remain standing. Do you know these social media haters? I dealed with them on the streets. Every day. Good press? Solidarity? There was none.

After what I experienced between 1995 and 1996, I closed myself off, so I could protect myself and heal the many wounds that were inflicted onto me. I carried on practicing judo, I competed in four Olympics, I won two medals at the World Championships, but my resentment towards journalists remained, my fear of exposure.

Now, I have accepted the offer to tell my story.

I was born in 1976, when the Military Dictatorship (1964-1986) was strong, into a very humble family from a city named Sousa, located in the outback of Paraíba, where everyone suffered with hunger and drought. (TN: the brazilian outback, or Sertão Nordestino, located in th Northeast, is a region heavily associated with its drought, poverty and the violence exercised by both bandits and "colonels" - latifiundium owners with great political influence. Due to this social imagery, when the rural habitants move to the Capitals or the South-Southest region of Brazil, they typically face a lot of prejudice, comparable to stigmatized immigration. To this day, the city of Sousa has around 70.000 citzens).  The memories hurt so badly that from the year I turned 20, I have only returned to that place through the Internet, searching for news or seeing our old house in the André Gadelha neighborhood on Google Maps.

Until I turned 11 years old, I only had the chance to study for a sum of eight months.

Schools, leisure areas/third spaces, somewhere to play sports, all of that were fairytales for us. In my periphery, there was no water, no nourishment, there wasn't even a way out of crime. It's different from big cities. Only the ones who have experienced it know what it's like.

Besides that, I had family matters.  My father was extremely violent. He didn't accept the reality we lived in, and so he would lash out, take it out on us. I'm from a time when any politcal expression would put you at risk. My mother would often panic, because I repeated all the time: 'This Brazil is a shithole'

In Campina Grande, we had better living conditions. (TN: Campina Grande is the second largest city in the state of Paraíba, losing only to the capital, with around 420.000 citzens and an important industrial sector). There were five of us, counting my two sisters, living in an "embryo", a house built by the bank Caixa Econômica, which had a living room and a bathrrom. (TN: the embryo [portuguese: casa embrião] is a 15m² property commonly built as social projects in the periphery). Even so, quite precarious.

I helped as much as I could, but there came a point when I had to follow my own way. I was already training in judo and, when I was on competitons, I had to eat salad and not the usual rice and beans. But salad was a luxury we couldn't afford. I was a burden to my family.

I never had any kind of vanity. Things like doing my nails, cutting my hair, putting on makeup, you know? I grew up in a very rustic environment, where children ran around around barefoot. I had my first birthday cake at the age of 15.

So my arrival in Guarulhos, in 1994, when I was 17 years old, was a cultural shock. (NT: Guarulhos, with over 1.000.000 habitants, is an autonomous prefecture that integrates the metropolitan area known as Greater São Paulo). People were bothered by my accent, the way I behaved, the way I dressed. 'Edi, put on some lipstick', they would say. But I don't like it, that is not a part of me. I felt like a fish out of water, but turning back, returning home, was not an option for me.

With the intensity of the training, the masculine characteristics became more visible, in a physiological sense. I had that crab-like gait of muscular people, you know?

That's when the talk began. Until then, this had only come to light for me through a friend of my trainer back in Paraíba, who had told him to take me to a doctor in order to investigate it. But I, oh the tomboy I was, I never paid it much attention.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Edinanci has been intersex since birth. She had internal testicles and presented an abnormal amount of male hormones. In April 1996, she underwent an orchiectomy, the surgery to remove these testes. Without the operation, Edinanci would not have passed the so-called "femininity test", in which women were made to stand naked in front of a "committee", a requirement for competting in the Olympic Games. The test was banned in 1998.]

The exams, which I was only able to undergo when I moved to São Paulo, showed that I was somewhat benefiting from the production of the male hormone, but that in 15 to 20 years this would turn into a cancer. When they told me this, I said: 'What? Let's do it right now!'

The surgical procedure and hormonal treatment were not for competting in the Games, they were for my health. Sport was giving me an oportunity to discover a matter that, if I had stayed in Paraíba, I would never have discovered. I used this opportunity to take care of myself.

Between 1995 and 1996, my life became hell. I couldn't go out on the streets because I was constantly attacked. Not physically, but with words. In Guarulhos, when people recognized me, they would say: 'That thing is a man!', use slurs to attack me.

Much of this behaviour was the fault of the brazilian press, which had exposed the situation in a very sensionalistic manner. 'Is it a man or a woman, what do you think?' They turned it into almost an episode of 'Você Decide'. (NT: Você Decide/It's Your Call (1992-2000) was an interactive television program broadcasted by Globo, in which every episode presented a 'special case', and the ending was decided by the audience through phone votes. It has been accused of functioning as a 'thermometer' for public view of sensible subjects, from finding a bag full of money to abortion and female homosexuality.)

That got to me. Deeply. There was that thought in my head: 'Do I have a right to be this way? Is there a chance they are right about me? Everbody is saying the same thing, repeating it... maybe it's the truth'. It reached a point when, in a call I had made to my family, I told my mother: 'I'm giving up on everything'.

I seriously thought of suicide. The social media hater hurts this generation. But the real life hater is even more difficult to cope with. It hurts, you have no idea.

We keep on recalling things we've experienced, remembering the moments we lived, and before you know it, you are experiecing once again the same pain that you felt the first time. It hurts, and it's hard to talk about. So you keep it to yourself. There is no one to share the burden with.

I often used it to build results in the tatami. I would turn into the devil, filled with so much hatred, so much anger. But that causes you a lot of harm. You end up becoming someone you're not, some angry person who doesn't trust anyone.

It's not like I don't have scars, you know? I've tried to understand, but it's hard. Is it the grief? But it's not really grief. It's those things you remember and that make you wonder: 'Did I really deserve to go through that?'

My beginning in judo was for survival, after I was diagnosed with labyrinthitis, which was already caused by the hormonal issues. I was 1,70m [5'6 feet] and at some point I weighted 38kg [84 pounds]. It reached a point when I couldn't hold myself on my feet. My musculature was reduced to the bare tendons, and even my fingers had atrophied.

So my family sought treatment and psychological support. My mother, who was a member of SESC, searched for a modality of sport there. (TN: SESC is a private inniative from the trade sector. The project aimed to improve living conditions for their employees and their families, and counts with social services, health profesionals, art projects and sports training). Influed by the movies that were popular at the time, I wanted to do karate, but the only spot availiable was for judo.

In the end, judo was the only sport that embraced me.

I started training at the age of 14, and my recovery was quite fast. Soon, my sensei started to place me in competitions, and that gave me something I never had before: dreams for the future (lit= life perspective).

I would wake up at 5A.M. and jump over the fence of the UFPB (Federal University of Paraíba) to run on a sand track they had. My physical conditioning was lifting bricks with my bare hands. A gym? Not even in my dreams. To perform the judo techniche repetitions, I would tie a rubber band on an avocaddo tree we had in front of my house.

One time, we travelled for a competition in Canoas (Rio Grande do Sul-South). I needed to lose weight, and I didn't have money to buy something to eat. So I combined business with pleasure and spent the three days of the bus trip only drinking water.

That's why weight loss was never a suffering for me. Once, I even lost 10 kg in one week, via two days without food and water. People would ask me how I managed and I would say that, in my head, it was easy, because I already knew how it was like. When I didn't want to lose weight anymore, I could open the fridge and I would have a Coke there, I could buy myself a pizza, buy water.

In my childhood, hunger and thirst offered no other options.

This banning me from fighting tale began in 1995, when the prefecture of São Caetano do Sul, a city that couldn't beat us, tried to prevent me from representing Guarulhos on the Jogos Abertos. (NT: The Jogos Abertos do Interior [lit=Open Games of the Countryside] is a tournament between cities in the São Paulo state held since 1936, now with 192 prefectures and 28 sports, including judo)

My team said: 'Edi, if you want, we won't go in without you. We don't care about being disqualified'. I didn't want to hold them back, so all I asked of the girls was for them to bring the house down.

Guarulhos won. And the team of São Caetano was changed. In the following year, they invited me to join. But I said if they wanted me there, they would have to bring all of us. They accepted the deal so we all went.

Since then, I have defended the team of São Caetano do Sul in the Jogos Abertos for almost 25 years. I retired from the national team in 2008, but in the year 2019 I was still winning a gold medal for the city that tried to ban me. (TN: São Caetano is also located in the Greater São Paulo, with around 160.000 citzens)

I've always been realistic. When I got the support of the [Olympic Brazilian] Confederation, of the COB, to fight in the Olympics, it wasn't because they were pitying me, just because it was the right thing to do. It was because I was a real chance of winning a medal for Brazil.

Throughout my career, I've always had a certain resentment towards the brazilian press.  All the issue regarding my hormonal tests was exposed in a very sensationalist way.

They took a delicate matter just to reach numbers, to hold the attetion of the public not for the judo event, but for the controversy.

That made me walk away. Everything I've done within the sport has always been away from the spotlight. I've lost many sponsorships because of this personality I developed.

When I compare my situation with that of Caster Semeya, the south african runner, I find the whole country was on her side. The entire country cheering for her, and damn the rest of the wolrd. You just go there and bring that medal back to us.

That was something I didn't have here. I had to fight against the brazilian people, against the prejudice, I had to fight in search of answers about myself in order to take them back to the press, and I had to fight inside the tatami as well.

In the end, I won.