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crush3dmary · 2 months ago

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I wasn't going to post about this because it felt too vulnerable, but I think that might be what I need right now. 8 years ago today I attempted suicide and came the closest I've ever come to succeeding. These are my reflections on 8 years.

On September 27th, 2016, I took a month and a half of lithium and came the closest I’ve ever been to succeeding at killing myself. At the time, I saw it as just another failure to add to my ever-increasing list of them. Now, I don’t know what I think, but I’ve learned things since that have not brought me peace.

At the time, I had been suicidal for weeks, and I had a detailed plan for how I’d finally do it. I struggled through shift after shift at my shitty, dead-end retail job where I faked a smile, wondering if anyone could tell that beneath the exterior, all I wanted was to die. But we need to take it back further than that for anyone to really understand. This is the most vulnerable I will ever let myself be.

I am a psychiatric survivor, and I am also a victim of severe abuse, primarily sexual. I choose to think of myself as a victim rather than a survivor because since the age of 14 I’ve felt like a shell of a person in ways I don’t feel regarding my medical trauma. My internal scarring is so severe my ob/gyn says I will likely never have children, and I have damage to my parietal lobe from having multiple concussions in the same area of the brain. When I finally disclosed to a psychiatrist what I had been through, she told me it was one of the most severe cases of abuse she’d ever seen. That is all I will disclose of my experiences until my abuser has left this earth.

I have been diagnosed with everything you can think of at one point or another. My medical records practically recite the DSM-V. Right now, my diagnoses are bipolar-type schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, but I don’t care what label you want to put on it, because at the end of day, I am a product of my experiences.

I grew up as the oldest of three (now four, as I have a baby half-brother now). Growing up, I didn’t understand how my two younger sisters could handle their emotions, but I couldn’t. Every single thing I felt, felt like it would drown me. I experience all my emotions as physical sensations that I can feel throughout my entire body, and it manifests as literal chronic pain. My entire childhood, it was “stop crying”, “nobody else is upset about this”, “I don’t understand what the problem is”, but that’s the theory behind borderline, isn’t it? Borderline personality disorder is what happens when you take a sensitive child with big emotions and consistently invalidate them over and over again. As such, they never learn how to deal with their strong emotions and they turn inwards on themselves. That is exactly what happened to me.

My emotions cause me literal pain. It hurts every day. When my BPD gets triggered, it feels like my veins are on fire beneath my skin, like someone is trying to claw their way under my ribs, like there’s something inside of me that feels so horrible I just want to die. I am a lifetime self harmer, because it’s the only way I am able to bring myself down in those moments - to take the emotional pain inside of me and make it physical the only way I can. I’ve accepted by now that I will never stop.

The first time I had an intrusive thought about suicide, I remember being 11 years old. It has not stopped since. That’s where the suicide-type OCD comes in - I live every day with graphic intrusive thoughts about all the ways I should kill myself. This happens even on the best days of my life, it’s there, waiting to taunt me, to tell me that I should just die and here’s how I should do it. I have thought about suicide every single day for almost 20 years. The first time I made a plan was at 11, and my first attempt was at 14. I am chronically suicidal.

The first time I died was in 2016. That September, I was so overwhelmed with all the things that had happened to me and everything I’ve spent almost my entire life having to live with that I made a plan. I thought I would never get better. On September 26th, I went to the psychiatric emergency department at St Joseph’s in Hamilton and told them I had a plan to kill myself, and that if they sent me home, I would act on it. They did not take me seriously, because why would anyone trust another manipulative, hysterical borderline? Dr. Janet Alice Patterson, who I still partially blame, told me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, gave me a very strong dose of a sedative, and sent me home.

When I got home, I took all the lithium I had and called 911 so that the paramedics would find my body instead of my family. I spent four days hooked up to machines, and as far as I’m aware my heart actually did stop briefly, but it’s not like I can remember most of those four days I spent in the ICU. What I do remember was waking up not knowing where I was, not even being sure if I was alive or if this was hell, because there’s no way I’d be going to the other place. Around me was a doctor and a gaggle of residents who weren’t much older than me, all looking at me like I was an animal. The doctor asked me a few questions to determine whether I was still at risk to myself, and then she turned around and talked to the residents about my medical history as if I wasn’t even in the room. I could hardly respond after having a tube down my throat. This was the lowest moment of my life, and I was a case study to them.

After that I did trauma therapy, three rounds of DBT, and CPT. I tried medication after medication, and I improved my situation. I went on to get a degree in social work and finished with a 90% average. My former diagnosis of PTSD was rescinded. I was considered “recovered”. Do you know what I learned from all of that?

I learned that no, actually, it doesn’t get better. I thought if I did all the right things my chronic emotional pain would go away, the daily (sometimes hourly, sometimes half-hourly) intrusive thoughts about killing myself would stop. I thought if I did what all the doctors told me, I’d “get better”. And I did. But I don’t like what “better” ended up looking like.

Sure, my situation improved. In fact, I pretty much have my dream life, in some ways. I have a fulfilling career and my dream job, I have a wife who loves me, I have a cat who sleeps at the foot of my bed, I have a fancy piece of paper I can put on my wall to show I graduated from college with distinction. I should be happy, but I’m not. It still hurts every day. My emotions still overwhelm me to the point of physical pain, and I still think about suicide multiple times a day. You just learn to live with it.

And that’s the worst part. Expecting all of it to go away if you do what the doctors tell you to and you make all the right choices on your own, only to realize that when you’re royally fucked, this is just what life is going to be like. And you have to keep choosing life over and over again. You have to find reasons to keep going, even when it hurts so much you think the chronic emotional pain will kill you before you can do it with your own hands.

I’ve only ever met one person who’s understood what this is like. The only other person I’ve met who also had suicide-type OCD and BPD was my roommate when I was moved up to psychiatry in the hospital that day. Me and O fell in love very quickly, and we spent the next two years in a whirlwind of whatever you could even call our relationship until the day she killed herself. The only other person who knew what this was like - for your emotions to swallow you whole and be chronically suicidal every day of your goddamn life - and she killed herself because it hurt too much. From the day she died in 2018, I have never felt more alone.

I have been considered “in remission” since 2019. I’m one of the ones who “got better”. I don’t feel “better”, because it doesn’t get better. Your situation improves, sure, but you spend your whole life fighting that thing in your head that says you don’t deserve to be here anymore. And that’s what they don’t tell you. All the stories about recovery make it sound like it’s some hurdle you overcome. No, that hurdle never goes away. You keep fighting it until you can’t anymore.

I wish my reflection on eight years could be more positive than this, but here we are. It doesn’t get better. Sorry to be the one to say it.

#don't read this if you're in a bad place #i didn't struggle with this anniversary this much last year but. here we are.

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bambimeadows · 19 days ago

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You guys. I’m trying to psyche myself up to write something, but the demotivation is fucking real. Let me vomit out some headcannons for you instead, about his kids. This will be long and elaborate and poorly written because I’m just thinking aloud so be warned. And yes I am putting way too much thought into this, I don’t care though 😭

- Okay so I’m sticking with what I originally wrote in my fic, he has 3 kids.

- An older son, a middle daughter and then a younger son that he and his wife had later shortly before their divorce. Going off Black ops Cold War time setting (I don’t want to think about him with adults kids yet that’s not as fun sorry), I’d put their ages at 15 (oldest son) 12 daughter and 3 for the younger son.

🏈Okay so, his eldest son is kind of an ass.

- Cocky, arrogant, acts up in class, attitude problem, bordering on apathetic to a lot of things, he can be prone to doing some light bullying - let’s say nothing too severe - maybe he’ll make a joke at someone’s expense here and there to make his friends laugh, and he prioritises and loves playing football, that’s the only thing that catches his interest at school. He’s the quarterback and essentially just that intimidating popular boy at school. That whole cliche.

- He upsets his mother from time to time, he doesn’t really listen to her. He has more respect/fear for his dad. So when Adler comes home it’s down to him to lay down the law and get very stern. (Yeah very old fashioned and borderline misogynistic I know but back in those times…)

- Adler gets very pissy at his son for disrespecting his mother and completely takes her side. He’ll give him a fiery lecture and telling off at first but then maybe later he’ll sit down with him and talk to him more calmly while alone with him, or while they’re tossing a ball around or taking a drive out somewhere.

- secretly Adler’s thrilled that his son’s a big football star at high school (like he was) and doesn’t really see the issue in him being more interested in that over his studies, but to keep up appearances he tries to underline the importance of doing well in class, he just doesn’t really feel genuine doing so because god knows he didn’t try in school. He does get serious about it though under his ex wife’s demand, he’ll ground his son to force him to study or confiscate something until the grade improves.

- the flaws and negative traits he sees in his son, he recognises as being exactly his own when he was his age, and honestly he still has them leftover as an adult, so he relates to him heavily and despite getting frustrated with him, he understands him a little too well. He can tell what he’s thinking, he knows why he acts the way he does sometimes.

- his son is also his carbon copy looks wise. They’re almost identical. Everyone says so.

- they could talk for hours and hours, about football, cars, stereotypical man stuff (?) idk. He’ll begrudgingly open up to his dad, he doesn’t always like the responses Adler gives him but he’ll reluctantly admit it does help him to talk about it with him, because he’ll usually make a lot of sense. It could be about the arguments with his mother and sometimes his sister and that living with a 3 year old is annoying. Adler will try to understand and sympathise with his grievances but hammer down on the importance of respecting them all and guilt trip him about the importance of family and that his mother, sister and brother love him very much. He’ll open up about girls and Adler will be vaguely alarmed by what he’s hearing sometimes, he’ll firmly tell him he needs to slow down and not break their hearts, because if some girl’s dad shows up at the door looking for a fight it probably wouldn’t end well. He knows what he would do if some little shit disregarded his daughter’s feelings. He also knows he was a little shit to girls too.

- he bribes the school board and manipulates teachers and staff etc to get his son out of trouble for a bad grade or disrupting class or skipping it altogether. He even pulled strings with the local police department for some trouble his son got into once lol, but of course handled it in his own way, yelling, threatening, making him do some community service anyway, confiscating game consoles etc. But NEVER agreeing with his ex wife’s suggestion that they stop him playing football for a little while, he’ll always come to his defence for that of course, much to her eye rolls and shakes of the head.

- despite their differences, Adler’s son knows his dad is a badass, he knew early on he was quite different to all the other dads, he absolutely idolises him and lives his adolescent years hoping to grow up to be just like him in every way, Adler prays he doesn’t.

- For context, Adler has given his kids a cover story about his job. Something about international relations let’s say, but the older ones know there’s more to it, but were (perhaps unfairly) taught by both parents that questioning it is a taboo subject.

- His son understands there’s a lot of things his dad can’t tell him about his life away from them, he knows he’s been lied to from a young age, but feels he’s been lied to so much and that they’re so deadset on keeping the reality of the situation from him that he’s been worn down into not caring what the truth is. All he knows is they obviously live a pretty good life from it so maybe he should just be grateful, or so he tells himself. Adler’s lies and excuses for injury and being away for months are now simply met with a deadpan “… sure dad.” and nothing else is said. Adler knows his son thinks he’s full of shit.

📚🎀🐴 Now let’s see about that daughter of his, this doesn’t come to me as naturally

- I think she’s a lot better behaved, like insufferably perfect, a swotty know-it-all to the point it can unnerve people, even teachers. She’s that kid that the parents of other kids roll their eyes at and get insecure about and wonder why their child isn’t more like them.

- she’s just very demure, very mindful

- No but seriously she’s top of the class always with a special interest in science, copious amounts of extra curricular activities, she’ll do Girl Scouts and all of that stuff and have endless amount of friends and people wanting to talk to her, except she tries her best to be sweet and doesn’t use her social standing in school to go on power trips like her brother might, rather she uses it to help people. Although, I’d say that’s probably only half genuine and more to keep up an image of perfection. She can be a little sly and devious, she just never gets caught in doing so. She’s sporty like her brother and father, she likes cross country and horse riding.

- she’s a daddy girls too. She misses him a lot and wishes he could be around more, but much like her brother she prefers to keep that to herself. She came to terms that this is just how life is for their family and eventually stopped asking her mother if she knew when he’d be back or where he was, she realised she doesn’t know either. Adler’s daughter is horrified when he comes back with an injury, and soon understood that he is out doing really dangerous things despite her parents acting like nothings wrong, this does instil some anxiousness in her and keeps her up at night when he’s away. She’ll lay in bed, shut her eyes, cross her fingers and whisper pleads to God to bring him back safely. She also keeps these worries to herself for the most part, happy to keep up a facade to keep the peace and would rather her time with her father be focused on happiness and him giving her attention, she fears she might push him away if she prys. One time however, she went to her brother’s room in the middle of the night, woke him up and asked him if he was ever worried their father was going to die. “Whatever he’s fighting out there, he’s stronger than them, nothings taking down that old bastard,” his brother had told her with a little smirk. They’re bonded from the knowledge that their parents are keeping secrets from them.

- her pitfall is, because she’s a perfectionist, she doesn’t deal with failure and things going wrong rationally. A “B+” on a maths quiz is worthy of tears, an impassioned argument with the teacher and locking herself in her room to study obsessively.

- Neither Adler or his ex wife pushed her to be this way, sure they’ve tried to instil in their children that they need to work hard in school, but never to this extent. she just decided this was who she needed to be, but in reality one of her primary reasons is that she wants to make them proud, call it middle child syndrome.

- Adler of course doesn’t take it for granted how amazing and hard working his daughter is and is constantly impressed by her, he thinks himself very lucky and blessed. He’ll never fail to praise her at every turn even if success is predictable at this stage and she’s the one he’s most likely to break out into a smile for. She’s his pride and joy! (*cough* his favourite *cough*)

- he only says her name on the very rare occasion he tells her off, most of the time it’s “princess” or “sweetie”.

- He spoils her accordingly, he finds it harder to know what to buy her as she starts to grow up and doesn’t really like playing with Barbies and dollhouses anymore, so he waits for her to ask for something, and she has absolutely no issue with doing so. You could say she might take advantage of her father’s generosity towards her sometimes and she knows how to tug on his heart strings if the request is quite extravagant. As she should! He bought her a pony, deadass.

- sometimes she’ll still ask him for help with homework if he’s around, knowing that she knows the answers better than him anyway. But she’s aware she’s a hands off sort of child and finds any excuse to spend extra quality time with him or make him feel needed. He secretly knows and plays along accordingly, his frosty heart melting at the gesture every time.

- she’s very princess-y and prim and proper and girly, she has a different coloured hair ribbon for each day of the week.

👶 Okay now let’s talk about the baby.

- he came as a surprise. Definitely. Maybe at first not a most welcomed one. There was talk of terminating the pregnancy but they ultimately decided against it.

-Adler never thought he’d be more or less 40 chasing a toddler around, but oh how he turns him to mush and now he couldn’t imagine his life without him.

- when the three kids come to stay at his house, a lot of the time is spent with the youngest sat on his lap or up in his arms. But that’s more down to Adler not trusting him to wander off and cause mischief in his immaculately clean apartment. And that little guy loves nothing more than being on his dad shoulders or in his arms, he feels so sturdy and high up!

- Adler can’t render himself to be all silly and goofy to keep the kid entertained all the time, but he is patient and spares all the little smiles and chuckles for him and his antics. He does of course have a completely different side he has to force for such a young child and isn’t above playing around with him and letting himself ease up a little.

- He’ll just be on the floor playing with his toys and Adler will be watching from the couch with a little upturn of his lips, always endeared but also sometimes still not quite believing he has a child that age, he can’t believe that just a few days ago he was out the country putting bullets into people’s skulls and now he’s here watching his baby boy race cars round the carpet of his living room.

- Days together usually end with them cramped up on the young boy’s bed together with Adler reading him a bedtime story, he’ll reluctantly put on the right silly voices for the characters as he reads and is rewarded by the laughs and smiles which makes him smile too. Adler will quietly leave him to sleep when he inevitably dozes off, but you can bet most nights he’s being woken up at 1 in the morning with a request for a drink or stories about monsters being under the bed, Adler deals with it very patiently and logically and gently explains to his son that monsters aren’t real and he’s fine. He’ll grab a torch and take his son’s hand and walk him back to his room, and they’ll look under the bed together for the monsters just so he can see they’re not there. Some nights Adler relents and with a sigh let’s him get into bed with him.

- Adler is surprisingly good at dealing with tantrums, he’s able to shut himself off from the screaming to become stoic and unmoved by it, this can leave the toddler slightly puzzled as he’s use to his mother quickly swooping in to baby him when he sounds off. Adler is quietly patient in calming him down and waiting for him to stop. He never really loses his temper or snaps at him in these times, but he doesn’t believe he should indulge it either. He’ll still give lots of hugs once the kid’s ceased screaming his lungs out.

- He is the one Adler feels the most uneasy about. He worries for all their safety, but the fragility of such a young child scares him sometimes. He wonders if it’s better or worse for him to be so young while he himself is caught up with life threatening situation constantly. On one hand if Adler died tomorrow, the boy might not even grow up to remember him or be that sad about him vanishing, on the other hand, he’d never really know what it’s like to have a father. He also feels as if he’s missed out on so much of his growing up and forming a bond with him has certainly been harder, but he’s mostly satisfied that he’s managed to.

- the young child was of course the hardest part about him and his wife’s divorce. He was 1 years old when the divorce was finalised. When she first told Adler she was divorcing him, he thought she was crazy wanting to raise a baby separated, he asked her if she was sure she didn’t want to wait until the baby was a little older and whether she really wanted to do it while living without him. Her response, “I more or less do that now anyway, Russell.” Knife through the heart of course.

Shall I do more like this? Maybe for his ex wife or maybe what domestic life was like before the divorce? 💕

#russell adler #this is lowkey a little embarrassing I’m sorry #call of duty black ops 6 #headcannons #dadler #now they should have never let me found he actually was a dad and it wasn’t just something I daydreamed about #call of duty cold war

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laurelindebear · 1 month ago

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Saturday nights have been D&D/TTRPG night for...a long long time now. But at the moment I'm not taking part, and it feels...weird, and sad. My group is still going, but about a month ago, before we went on our trip away, the session ended with something of a falling out and it brought to a head all the problems that have been building up for me for awhile. Rant and just...being sad below.

The group consists of 7-8 people: myself, my husband, his brother (and sometimes sister in law), and four of our friends. Husband and brother in law normally take turns DMing. They're both pretty good DMs, but we use a lot of homebrew and allow a lot of stuff that isn't in the rules, and power creep has become a real thing.

Main problem I have is that at this point, three of the (currently) seven people are actively harming the fun for me. One of the people is husband's oldest friend and they used to be closer but they don't have so much in common now. They have always been annoying (eg calling us on the phone every single day when we first got married, before always-online services). Despite having played TTRPGs for decades, they never remember what their spells or abilities do, whether we're playing, what time we start, etc. They and they alone have trouble with the dice room (somewhat conveniently - we swapped to using a room with dice rollers years ago in part because we simply didn't believe their actual rolls with physical dice (we're playing on voice, not in person) - they're also a habitual liar about pointless things like that. Maybe most annoying is that they are always playing another game at the same time (usually World of Warcraft), and not something that's easy to tab out of, or which only uses half your brain. I level fishing etc while playing a lot, because it's so boring otherwise, but it doesn't take my attention. But because of this, they are only ever half-aware of what's going on, at best. They get bored of their characters before the end of every campaign, without fail, and often have them get killed off/reroll in stupid ways because they think its funny.

Person two is a friend who is just kind of obsessed with finding ways to 'break' and game the system to make their character overpowered. At the end of a previous campaign they decided they were going to one-shot kill the ultimate big bad by summoning a herd of...oxen or something way above the guy's head and dropping them on him for massive damage, because it was funny. It only half-worked, partly because the DM wasn't keen on having the final battle go that way, I think, but you get the idea. This time they're trying a multiclass build specifically to do ludicrous amounts of damage every fight, which works because of the way we handle short and long rests and healing. Then there's the fact that all their characters are super greedy and have to loot everything, even when it's detrimental to the party; and that their go-to special thing to do to anyone they don't like or anyone we need to question is to shove stuff up the person's butthole. (They also enjoy being very cold and evilish and acting without consulting the group.)

Person three is my BIL who I've talked about before. Sometimes we get on ok. But we have very different values and we can clash a lot. He's borderline obsessed with the military and military loyalty, and he's actively proud and defensive of British colonialism. (!!!!) He also is very precious about male gaze, and criticism thereof, to the point of acting very personally offended and harmed by how 'women on television/ in films/ in games can't have big boobs now.' In this campaign he's been very metagamey, where no matter what we encounter (we're jumping between universes) he knows exactly who and what everything is and doesn't hesitate to explain it all to us. He may have encyclopedic knowledge of all TTRPG systems and critters, but his character absolutely wouldn't. He's also very bossy; he gets cross if he feels he's the only one putting forward plans and strategy, but as often as not when anyone does suggest a plan, he immediately jumps in to say how terrible it is and why it won't work - even if it will. He's loud and can be aggressive and I'm pretty shit at assertiveness, although sometimes if my husband is DMing he'll actually tell me, off mic, that my plan/idea is a good one and to keep going with it regardless of BIL's dismissals. In this last campaign especially, he's been obsessive about sex and boobs and everyone in the party getting laid every adventure, when that's really not what most of us are about.

Anyway, the last game I played turned into a mess because we got transported to your typical 'warworld coliseum battle royale' type world run by a super powerful wizard or lich or something. We were fighting some of the guy's minions and doing ok, but Powergamer decided it was too dangerous and taking too long so he tried to attack the big boss, despite hints from the DM (husband) that it wasn't a great plan. As a result we all got Meteor Swarm-ed and Doesn't Pay Attention died (again).

As we were in the process of escaping, I had a wild thought to try to pickpocket the boss, or maybe sneak something from his balcony while he wasn't there - I was playing a rogue and my stealth and sleight of hand were very good. I mention this in just a thinking out loud way, and get screamed at by BIL because 'THIS IS A LEVEL 36 MAGE CASTING LEVEL 18 FIREBALLS, OF COURSE HE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE INVISIBLE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING' etc etc. Somehow when other players do something bonkers and risky - say, diving off a zeppelin into a tower window, telefragging a castle, or using a weird demonic artifact to bring a Mecha Joan of Arc back to life, whose programming is essentially to destroy all humanoid life - it's more likely to be taken as funny, or 'haha it's your funeral but do whatever', but for me, no, I'm an idiot and how dare I even think about doing that random thing? Nevermind that neither his character nor anyone else would know what 'level' the bad guy was because that's not how RP works, characters don't have stat books on them! I lost my temper and just said something like 'ok well I try and I'm dead then, forget it', and left the channel, and I haven't been back.

So now I'm without a group, and...it sucks. My husband is sad, and I'm sad. But I don't want my RP games to be all powergaming and sexual assault and celebrations of colonialism and getting shouted at. It's not fun. And it just wasn't fun...but I wish it were. It so often has been. Maybe it will be again. But right now I feel lost and a little bit alone and it's coming at really the worst possible time, with autumn being a historically very shitty time for me and this year with my stress about politics making me both physically and mentally unwell on the daily.

#personal #idk I know nobody has time or energy to read this #but I needed to get it out #I thought maybe I'd go back after the holiday but #it's going fine without me #and I don't need avoidable sources of stress anger and annoyance right now #I just really really do not

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remidyal · 10 months ago

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Bad Ideas of the Day, Part 7: The Continuing Bad Adventures of the Bad Kids

As usual, my quasi-monthly roundup of my bad ideas of the day from the D20 Fic discord! In this case, about half of these were written before FHJY started airing; I've put in a note at the point where that aired. (Oldest ideas are first on these lists. Part 6 is available here and then links to older lists are available from there!)

Bad idea of the day, making canon even messier edition: At the party, Aelwyn senses the one link in Adaine's friend group even weaker to a somewhat crazy girl kissing them and doing fantasy coke off their chest: Kristen Applebees, whose brain is borderline broken for the subsequent fight. (And who, in the months to follow, is somehow even LESS respectful of how much Adaine does not want to hear about her sister being hot)

Bad idea of the day, we go now to an interview of the deceased edition: A true crime crystalcast starts a series discussing the group of teens involved in the murders and other deaths of their school's lunchlady, guidance councilor, vice principal, and principal and the mysterious circumstances around their arrest and escape from prison. Oh, and bloodrush coach. Forgot one.

Bad idea of the day, 2023 memorial collectable retrospective vintage edition: On the first day of school, Aguefort comes demanding Riz run for the position he was destined to meet: Student Body President, a role that has gone unfilled since a great tragedy turned all the members of the then-student government to stone seventy five years before. Can Riz ascend to the ultimate form of every briefcase kid, or will he become another trophy president?

Bad idea of the day, pact of the tome edition: It's the end of their senior year and all the graduates to be have a period on the bloodrush field in which they're expected to sign one another's yearbooks! Will they fall for this scam, or will they realize that the teacher running this is the warlock instructor, trying to drum up business for his patron by slipping an infernal contract into the pages of one of the student's yearbooks?

Bad idea of the day, a horse is a home edition: Fabian is a rebellious kid early and decides that he must master what his father never could. Since his father was the master of the sea, he must become the true master of the land! Yes, he must become a horse boy! (Katja and Fabian as childhood friends, obviously)

Bad idea of the day, unhelpful parenting advice edition: The bad kids are faced with that classic nonsense assignment of protecting an egg for a week without letting it get damaged; they are not informed in advance that Arthur Aguefort himself will be testing them, making the 'week' rather flexible, nor that no student has ever passed.

Bad idea of the day, niche goods and services edition: Adaine, in her search for a Job and some cash, ends up getting paid by a casino not only to not play but to help them catch other diviners who might try cheating at the games with their ability to see the future, and then ends up caught up in a dramatic Ocean's 11 style heist

Bad idea of the day, unfortunate belief patterns edition: It turns out that Porter is actually a demigod, born of an affair Sol had with a mortal woman long ago, who historically has mostly wanted to chill out and do nice things and ignore all his more powerful side outside of his rages. Unfortunately, it also means his character is vulnerable to changing if someone starts believing in him hard enough, and nobody believes anything about him nearly as hard as Figueroth Faeth believes he is evil…

Bad idea of the day, lost and found edition: Riz finds, to his slight annoyance, that he's been voted in as the student government treasurer against his will (because he was out the day elections were held and Fig thought it would be funny) and thus he is now responsible for returning any treasures the student body accidentally loses over the course of the school year, a responsibility he is the first person to take seriously in three hundred years

Bad idea of the day, final countdown edition: The Bad Kids are forced into the annual Aguefort talent show; Fig and Gorgug have it easy with their band, and Fabian dances of course, but Kristen, Riz, and Adaine are forced to scramble for something. Riz and Adaine end up doing a stage magic show together; Kristen does a ribbon dance and manages to break her leg again in spite of the stage only being four feet off the ground. (Adaine gets talked out of her original plan by Riz of just going on stage and holding out Boggy for everyone to admire.)

(This is where FHJY started airing)

Bad idea of the day, Margaret's bad day edition: After the run-in with the art squad, Margaret jumps to some incorrect conclusions about what her 'friend' is looking for in a 'friend' and begins to take up bad poetry and nihilistic philosophy. Can the rest of the gunner channel snap her out of it before they all reach their limits of free verse in their lives?

Bad idea of the day, jury duty edition: We're shown in Unsleeping City that the unsleeping city side of new york has its own judicial system. The pool of potential jurors in these cases is very, very low; how does Mister Civic Duty himself Ricky handle getting Magical Jury Duty for the eighth time this year?

Bad idea of the day, romance is hatred right? edition: Plinth/Null slashfic fusion of ASO and TUC

Bad idea of the day, a (Basketball) Court of Fae and Flowers edition: BINX would like to reclaim the Court of Craft's lost magic from Apollo and Suntar. Can she do this in the one way that fae tradition allows, a 2-on-2 basketball game where the winner takes all and the first to 21 wins? Can she really trust Suntar's brother to play with all his might, and can they somehow claim victory with all the eyes of all the fae watching and cheering and charging way too much for concessions?

Bad idea of the day, Figueroth Faeth's wild ride edition: The first day of freshman year, Fig isn't in school because she successfully talked Gilear into a quest to look for her real dad instead, sending the two of them to go look into court records in Bastion City and leaving the bad kids down Fig for the corn fight.

Bad idea of the day, talking magical weapons edition: The Sword of Truth from Never After turns up and falls straight into the hands of the most truthful person with sword proficiencies in the party, one Figueroth Faeth. It does not approve of this carrier.

Bad idea of the day, FHJY spoiler edition: Riz handles Fabian making a romaence partner out of a mirror in front of him a lot worse, and sets out to find out if Ecaf is really on their side or is in fact two-faced. Can he deal with seven years of the misfortune of Fabian bitching at him if he need to shatter this mirror and his best friend's heart at the same time? (edited)

Bad idea of the day, Once Upon a Time edition: Instead of cutting through the woods and kind of accidentally murdering somebody, our intrepid fairy tale creatures end up deciding to ride the story of the lost Prince of Shoeburg into the ground in a blaze of glory. This definitely works out for them.

Bad idea of the day, grandfather paradox edition: Ayda, curious about her family beyond Arthur and her phoenix mother, tries to find out what happened to Arthur's parents. The quest eventually reveals that her grandparents haven't been born yet, and in fact Arthur won't actually be born for several hundred more years; he's travelled back in time a thousand years in his very young days, and much of his attention at all times is on making certain he doesn't accidentally do anything that will cause himself to not exist.

Bad idea of the day, you know I had to do it edition (JY spoilers!): Kristen, while having her little verbal pissing match with her competitor for student class president, is shocked when she's suddenly attacked from behind by an offended student who is actually four dogs in a trenchcoat.

Bad idea of the day, cosmic horror edition: There is a way in Spyre to detect those who might be infested with sometimes being possessed by eldritch beings of great impulse and power, those who can seem to reshape the world with their whims, those… 'player characters'

Bad idea of the day, no really this one's kind of bad edition: Fig, desperate to loop in the last bad kid who she's not in some weird way related to, decides to go all in on getting Gilear and Hallariel into some kind of poly swinger situation with the Thistlesprings, going so far as to set up a very awkward dinner party where she tries to prompt them to go for the binder, much to Gorgug's disconcertment

Bad idea of the day, this one's just canon but it was definitely a bad idea edition: The true love story of how Efink met and married Percival very very quickly for what definitely seemed like good reasons at the time.

Bad Idea of the Day, You Get What You Kill Edition, light JY ep4 spoiler: After killing her dad, Adaine is irritated to discover after they get back to Elmville that she is in fact now the official Fallinel envoy to Solace and that she's been fully Santa Claused into another elven position against her will.

Bad idea of the day, Adaine DID seem much more interested in this option edition: Adaine takes one of Aelwyn's suggestions and starts selling weapons in the forms of scrolls of fireball and the like

Bad idea of the day, the ultimate D20 party edition: Come up with an excuse to put Adaine, Fabian, Katja, Efink Murderdeath, and Colin Provolone in the same party to bring the ultimate fear to all parents everywhere. (I honestly might be forgetting somebody. There's been a lot of parent-killing in D20.)

#fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fanfic #fantasy high #dimension 20 #the unsleeping city #escape from the bloodkeep #a starstruck odyssey #bad ideas #not gonna tag every specific character this time because there's a ton #but for characters appearing a bunch:#adaine abernant #aelwyn abernant #fabian seacaster #fig faeth

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gryfflepuffinthetardis · 5 months ago

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Valentía (Spencer Reid)

Valentía - Spanish – Courage

At only nineteen years old, working at the BAU for six months, being just as smart as THE Spencer Reid if not smarter, Zoe Noble-Valdez is the mysterious new girl who is both empathetic beyond most people and apathetic when it comes to social skills and dealing with her own emotions, being completely unpredictable other than her inane compassion and passion for the rights of mental health and everyone's right to live, is she just the person capable of saving lives and righting the assumptions of mental health.

But certain cases will prove to be difficult for her via her traumatic past, will she be able to hide her past trauma and internal darkness from the team and keep up her guise of both sunshine and apathy?

Only the oldest members of the BAU know her true identity as the daughter of two of the BAU's co-founders. Aaron Hotchner who met her when she was ten and still semi-innocent compared to how she is now; Jason Gideon—who was like a second father to her along with retired agent, David Rossi, both of whom helped raised her and her twin sister like one of their own; and one of their fellow co-founders of the BAU, Alexander Noble, the single father to two genius twins after his girlfriend was kidnapped and killed by an UnSub after giving birth to Zarah but before Zoe while Zoe barely survived.

Zoe shows traits of all her mentors. But she’s also Zoe Noble-Valdez and certain parts of herself scare her, especially when she can’t really see too much difference between her and the UnSubs she catches… how can she when she’s missing gaps of memory for long periods of time in her life.

Reeeeeaaaaally slow burn, but I mean come on, there's sixteen seasons and I think his first serious love interest is in season eight so buckle up. I'm talking about half way through they still won't be together. Also, I will recast Lila Archer (I like the episode, it's one of my favorites from season one, the actress being the glaring issue in it) as she grew up to become a real life UnSub. (Obviously, I’m exaggerating but she still tried to ruin the life a very good man—Johnny Depp. How dare she try to ruin his life!?) I will also recast Seaver, I don't have anything against the actress but she's just too similar-looking to JJ, I think. It will still be a blonde actress, maybe Lili Reinhart, you know because she played Betty Cooper in Riverdale and if you seen enough you know the other similarities between those two characters. Warning: This series will have violence towards all kinds of people, descriptions of discrimination, mentions of rape and pedophilia, death, and mental health. The main character has ADHD (which will be somewhat accurate because I have ADHD too), Cyclothymia, PTSD, Non-suicidal self-injury disorder, and high-functioning borderline personality disorder (this is what I'm most worried about because she is a bit of a violent character and may be pushed to a violent dissociative break a few times, but this is not an insult or a judgment of the disorder, simply her character and her way of dealing with certain situations in order for her to survive.) This character also deeply believes the Hispanic beliefs associated with the Day of the Dead (I am not Hispanic but I love this belief and when I first started writing this I was not aware that it was not actually a religion so I apologize if it comes across like that.)

#Criminal Minds #Spencer Reid #Selena Gomez #BAU #Aaron Hotchner #Aaron “Hotch” Hotchner #Elle Greenaway #Derek Morgan #Jason Gideon #Penelope Garcia #Jennifer Jareau #Xiomara Noble-Valdez #Zoe Noble-Valdez #Valentía #the eccedentiast #ADHD #BPD #David Tennant

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littlelesbinonny · 1 year ago

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The Devil’s Den

Chapter 15: In Which Thin Becomes Terribly Thick

You can read this also on Ao3 at:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46831621/chapters/117962293

Mother Miranda began to rise off the sofa. She was drenched in black robes, even blacker feathers adorned in the tight slicked-back bun of her blonde hair. Her face was as pale as always, her stature so much smaller than even her girls, but her presence was thick as stench from a rotting corpse. Something so small, yet so exceptionally pungent.

The smile she wore on her thin lips made Alcina's stomach hitch.

She had to react, quickly. She could not appear displeased in any fashion.

Alcina forced the widest, warmest, most charming toothy smile she may have ever faked.

"What a wonderful surprise and pleasure," she began with a tone just as sweet, "I had no idea you were coming. I feel like a terrible host; I should have been here with a large welcome party."

Allowing the gravitational pull between the two, Alcina graced Mother Miranda's cheeks with exchanged kisses, stuffing away the cold that poured through her system as her arms slithered around her for an embrace.

Alcina hadn't removed her eyes off the unexpected vampire until now, finally reviewing the scene before her.

Her daughters, Donna, and Angie were all present. All of them wearing a look of hesitation and unease.

She gave them an spoken warning from her facade telling them to relax, mind their emotions, and quite acting so fucking suspicious.

"My dearest Alcina," Miranda sigh as she pulled away, soothing Alcina's cheek with sharp nails, "always so thoughtful, always my favorite."

The way she looked her over was causing immense distress within Alcina. This bitch was always impossible to read. Being the oldest vampire, as the stories tell, gained her far too many favors in her mysteriousness, let alone cunning abilities. Her smile hadn't softened and her pale eyes drank in Alcina's features slowly.

With a switch as violent as a strong wind, Mother Miranda pulled her caressing claws from Alcina and turned on her heels, retreating back into the living room.

"My arrival was unannounced because it was a last minute decision."

Her voice was chilly and flat, but Alcina followed her and sat beside her as beckoned to do so.

Miranda grabbed her glass of blood wine and sipped thoughtfully, "I heard of the fledglings attack on you," she stated with a glint in her eye as she peered up to Alcina, "while there was no contest between you and he, I wanted to visit and see how you and the city were handling it."

Running a slender hand gently down Alcina's thigh, she smiled once more, "however Donna tells me there are no concerns; you are highly revered and that your reign remains unchallenged."

A small exasperated chuckle escaped from Alcina's lips and she bowed her head humbly, "I take your faith in me to heart. I only uphold the standards you have commanded of me and hope to continue to do so."

"So modest."

"How long will you be staying?" Cassandra dropped the question boldly, breaking the eye contact between her mother and Miranda.

The gaze from everyone in the room was borderline shock; no one interrupted Mother Miranda, and rarely spoke until spoken to.

"Apologies for intruding. I ask only so we may know the time frame in order to have a gathering in your honor, as is customary."

Miranda's spine remained stiff but her iron facade cracked carefully, "a bold daughter, Alcina, which I would expect no less... however, smart and thoughtful," her tone tilted, "I am unsure of how long I shall be staying, Cassandra."

Cassandra rose, coaxing her sisters to join her, "then we shall begin preparations. It would be an honor to host you, as always, Mother Miranda."

"No no, I am not here to impose. I have my chambers ready at the council hall, I will stay there during my visit. Don't worry your pretty little heads. But, by all means, I would love a gathering. It has been a long time since I was graced by such lovely company."

The girls nodded to everyone and left quickly.

Alcina hadn't told the girls the whole of how she came to raise them, but as intelligent as they were beautiful, they knew Mother Miranda was not their friend, nor ally. They didn't like being around her anymore than anyone else. Maybe even less.

Donna and Angie remained still but watched them leave, wishing they could follow.

"Well," Miranda hummed, drinking the last bit of wine, "now that I've gotten to see you all, I will take my leave back to the council hall and rest," the three rose as she did and she regarded them with a nod, "I look forward to our time tomorrow when the sun sets. We have so much to discuss."

Her farewell was short as it was brisk, aside from the lingering peck to Alcina's cheek and her cool hand cupping her jaw.

Rattling would be putting all of this mildly.

The three of them stood in silence until the sound of the gate to the manor latching could be heard.

Turning to Donna and Angie, Alcina's face bore a severeness she hadn't worn in a long time, "what the hell is she doing here? I thought she was in Romania?"

Angie was chewing on her lip, arms folded over her chest, leaning haphazardly on one leg and a look of vacancy in her eyes. Whether she was still on this planet or plotting something was anyone's guess.

Donna released the breath she'd been holding, by the sounds of it, all night.

"That was my impression as well, but asking her would have created tension."

Alcina rubbed the bridge of her nose hard, "when did she arrive?"

"About 3 hours before you did," Donna replied, "Angie spotted her and her new guards in the North corridor and immediately came to find me. She wanted to see you. We did our best feigning ignorance to your whereabouts but -"

Alcina halted her any further with a long finger cutting through the air, 'don't say another word,' she mouthed.

Angie had returned back to the present moment when Alcina stepped towards them, now within breath range.

"Not one word will be uttered," she whispered in a tone inaudible to most, "not one, while she is here... do I make myself clear? Don't even think it. Where I have been concerns no one, especially her."

Angie noted how Alcina was definitely looking right at her when she said it.

Her eyes widened and she nodded in agreement to adopting ignorance, "I don't know shit, nadda."

There was a lilting hint of her desperation for this to remain so quiet it may as well not exist at all. If Mother Miranda found out about you, the repercussions would be more than Alcina ever wanted to address.

"Good. Now, get some rest. Her visits are taxing. This one might be more so."

Angie nodded one more time and trotted towards the foyer, Donna remained unmoved, her dark hues stitched to her friend.

"Alcina -"

"Donna, please. Don't."

Without asking Donna grasped Alcina's arms and forced her to focus on her, "We're behind you."

She almost slumped into her touch. Knowing this was going to be a performance of a lifetime, if the role wasn't already cursed, to keep you hidden in the dark. Alcina nodded mutely and pulled away, leaving the room swiftly allowing them their own exit.

Her steps were fast and light as she went to her room, the chaotic thoughts in her mind blinding her to whatever else was around. The click of the door was terribly loud for some reason, but it didn't thwart her mission as she began removing her clothes.

She felt caught in a sticky web.

Goddammit.

Alcina exited the walk-in closet in her favorite white silk robe, both hands combing through her curled tressed in frustration. What was she going to do? How would she get word to you? Would she get to explain her absence? Would you be alright? How long was this fucking bitch going to be here? Would it be safe to see you even after she left? Would you ever be safe again? Did Miranda know? Was there a hidden plan here, an agenda that would cut her legs out from under her? Was there a plan? Was there a fucking plan?!

She slammed her fists into the wall hard, rattling the paintings that hung there on the dark wood.

"Mother..."

Bela's voice broke her from her spiral and she flipped sharply, huffing as she looked upon her three girls.

"Cassandra," she began walking towards them, her face contorted into worry, "what were you thinking? Why would you address Mother Miranda so blatantly?"

"I couldn't stand the way she was looking at you!" she blurted, "I just... I wanted to distract her, and we were all thinking it!"

Alcina gently shook her head. She wanted to be angry, but really, how could she.

"There are some instances where you can't or shouldn't try to intervene, she is always one of them. Mother Miranda is unpredictable."

"I literally do not fucking care."

"I care!"

"Mamă," Daniella said, putting her hand on her arm, "please don't be mad at Cass. We're upset too, it's hard being around her. She makes us all crazy. And we don't... we don't like how she is with you."

That only seemed to rattle Alcina more, knowing how Mother Miranda upset her daughters, knowing she was powerless to do anything about it. Knowing even with all her power and strength she was still helpless against this fucking tyrant. Without causing world war three int he underground, that is.

Her huff was defeated.

Bela was the first to move in, followed by Dani and Cass. They embraced their mother in silence.

Mother Miranda had been here for less that 6 hours and Alcina was nearly too overwhelmed to think. Yes, the circumstances were 100% not ideal for this visit. She had no one to blame but herself. But, still. Why did this have to be so hard.

Mother Miranda was so many things. None of them good. Vengeful, wrathful, cunning, unpredictable, power-hungry, swollen with pride and took zero consideration to anyone but herself. Her stories were well known across vampire and lycan history. Supposedly the oldest vampire still alive, from the oldest bloodline that once existed, now, nearly all other vampires this day a descendent of hers; bled by her blood. She sought out perfection in all she turned, seldomly finding her desired outcome. None ever good enough. But, enough to keep alive. If they were controllable and did what they could to appease her, and she just happened to like the fledgling enough, they got to live. Otherwise, death by sun. Turned to dust to float away in the wind; useless, meaningless, nothing but literal dirt for her to walk on and think no more of. No one knew her end game. Perhaps it was just her personality, some twisted kink in her brain that found her powers to dispose of people like objects a rush, the only last remaining pleasure she could hold in her never-ending years. Or, she was just completely psychotic.

That, was just Mother Miranda.

Her girls held her together with their love and arms, Alcina surrendering to the softness knowing that from the moment she woke tomorrow until Mother Miranda left, she would be putting on an err to match, but never overpower, Miranda's.

If they could keep the illusion strong, this would be pleasantly seamless. Just like always.

"I need you all to be on your best behavior while she is here, please..." Alcina broken the silence calmly, "I need you to bring no extra attention to yourselves, or me, or anything else. I need you... to stay safe... to be smart... to -"

"Vom mamă. Vom face tot ce ai nevoie de la noi." Cassandra stopped her. (We will mother. We will do everything you need of us.)

Her smile was soft and Alcina clung to her girls just a bit tighter, "Mulțumesc, dragii mei. Vă iubesc pe toți, foarte mult. Și ar trebui să te odihnești... ziua va fi rapidă, apoi începe munca pentru noi." (Thank you, my darlings. I love you all, very much. And you should be getting your rest... the day will be fast, then the work begins for us.)

"Dar umanul?" Dani asked very quietly. (What about the human?)

Alcina stilled once more, painfully so.

"Nu există om despre care să vorbim. Sa nu uiti asta. Trebuie să vă." (There is no human to speak of. Remember that. You must.)

The club was filled to the brink with vampires.

It was too crowded.

Alcina fucking despised it.

Her list of unyielding displeasures was certainly long, but right at the top was overly crowded places. Especially with vampires.

Mother Miranda was fashionably late, not that one like her actually could be. Everything revolved around her while she was here and she took great pleasure in being as nonchalant about her doings as she possible could be. Things only began or continued by her say so. Everyone was expected to wait and be happy about it.

If only.

Alcina stood at the back of the club near the throne she usually occupied. Tonight it belonged to the Grand Matriarch. She was to stand beside her through the sacrifice, which would be solely hers to have, and throughout the rest of the night for whatever else she wished.

Alcina smoothed out the fabric of her black dress with complete lack of enthusiasm. It was sleeveless, hugged her curves tightly from her breasts to her hips, then flared out in a perfect mermaid tail around her legs. Long matching satin gloves encased her hands up to her biceps. A thick, black velvet choker with an attached brooch of her family crest pinned in the middle was secured around her throat. Pearl earrings hung from her dainty ears. She looked like she'd just stepped out of a 1950's Turner Classic movie.

Any other occasion she'd be happy to be so gussied up. Tonight, not so much.

What Mother Miranda did during her visits was never accurately assumed. Some visits she would stay through a whole evening of dancing and mingling and feeding. Other times, not. Some visits she wanted to discuss nothing but business, growth, clan ventures, dealings and upheavals or whatever lie in between. Other times, nothing at all. Her silence throughout the stay was as unnerving as it was confusing. Whatever the case, everyone around was to play their cards to her liking without the slightest idea which game was next.

Alcina grew weary of it.

Weary was her general disposition as of right now.

She hadn't slept all day. What with the unpredictable death demon floating around, it bode for an uneasy existence for her currently.

Word of Miranda's visit spread like the plague on wheels and the city itself was half buzzing with excitement, and half with faked enthusiasm. The smart vampires were just as exhausted by it as she was.

The lycans couldn't have given any less shits about her if they tried. They bore no real respect for her and weren't afraid to show it, but out of respect for Alcina they were... tolerant. Scarce. And silent, thank god.

"Mamă?"

Bela's voice gave a pause to her thoughts, the relief short lived.

"Bela, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be finding the sacrificial human for Mother Miranda?" Alcina asked, her perplexity showing firmly.

The other two filed out behind her in the dark. They were dressed beautifully, as Miranda expected. Each in a dress suited to their style: Cassandra, a dark royal blue dress that was form fitting and elegant. Daniela, in red that was deep as a ruby, flowing, spunky, and yet very chic. Bela, in emerald green that was modern, sheer, and quite handsomely fitted.

They all sighed.

"Mother Miranda's noi gardieni au preluat postul." Dani grumbled. (Mother Miranda's new guards took over the job.)

That dropped Alcina into frigid waters.

"Ce vrei să spui?" She asked very, very still. (What do you mean?)

"Ethan și Mia, au venit la noi când plecam și ne-au spus că vor găsi umanul pentru seara asta. Am încercat să protestăm, dar... au plecat." (Ethan and Mia, they came to us as we were leaving, told us they would be finding the human for tonight. We tried to protest but... they just left.)

Cassandra's explanation only made Alcina colder.

This was not usual. This was not good. Since when did Mother Miranda take it upon herself to lift a finger on how the gatherings were run?

"Nu-mi plac. E ceva în neregulă cu noii ei paznici. Sunt... diferiți. Nu într-un mod bun." Daniela added mindfully. (I don't like them. There's something wrong with her new guards. They are... different. Not in a good way.)

Alcina was becoming light headed but she was unable to ask any further questions before Mother Miranda appeared.

"Alcina," she cooed over the thumping music, "Daniela, Cassandra, Bela," she addressed the girls with sly nods, "what a wonderful evening, it appears the whole city has shown up for my gathering."

"As they should," Alcina recovered quickly showing no signs of unease, ushering the girls to exit as she watched Miranda take her seat, "your presence should command their attendance just as much as it should their respect, as I know it does."

Feeding this bitch's ego was the easiest way for Alcina to ward off the insecurity of not being in control over things tonight.

Dear god all she could think about was you.

Please be safe. Please.

Miranda settled into the throne and looked out to the vast dance floor, all the vampires in their glittering attire, mingling, moving, stealing glances at her. She smiled to herself but kept her face stoic and unmoved.

"I have missed it here," she admitted, "you keep the order so well. Everyone is beautiful. In line. Calm."

Alcina stood tall and still as she too looked out to the sea of vampires. She didn't see what Miranda did. But then, their view of life had never been eye to eye.

She saw prisoners.

Or, maybe she just saw reflections of herself.

"Alcina," Miranda said louder, "come, join me. Admire the dynasty we have created before the sacrifice gets here."

Her bones rattled but she did as she was told. A simple chair had been placed beside the throne and Alcina sat elegantly, brushing a stray strand of her black hair from her face, pursing her crimson lips while her slate colored hues brushed over the view.

She wanted to be with you.

She wanted you in her arms.

She didn't want to be here. Pretending she was fine, or happy, or play this stupid fucking game anymore.

All she could think about was how she should have been to your place by now; how much she would rather be kissing your soft lips and holding you close, hearing your pitter patter heartbeat sing rhythms and melodies in her ear.

"You seem distracted."

Came the violent tug from her thoughts.

"Being unprepared for the Grand Matriarch is my only distraction," Alcina offered pleasantly, looking to Miranda in the haze of the purple atmosphere, "you know how it displeases me if things are not seamless for your visits."

Mother Miranda looked at Alcina with a blank slate of a face. Nothing to read on the pages of this god-forsaken book.

"My dear, dear Alcina... you really are something else. Truly my best fledgling," she finally smiled, "you know there is only one thing you could do to upset me, and that," she leaned in, "I think we both know you would never be naive enough to do again."

There was something hidden in her eyes. Under her skin. Alcina knew it. But what the fuck was it.

The trap door burst open and a terrible shrieking filled the air as three bodies dropped in.

Miranda's guards were all over this human that was now hidden among the parting sea of vampires.

Eventually the screaming became muffled. Alcina hadn't realized she had risen from her chair before Miranda had. Her eyes scoured the scene but she couldn't see the human, couldn't release her senses to seek out the energy, couldn't give it away that she was horrifyingly desperate to know who they found and brought to their death.

If her heart was functional she knew Mother Miranda would have known her secret in that very moment.

But, then... maybe she already did.

Mother Miranda fled from her perch on the throne like a flock of ravenous birds of prey, swooping down into the spreading vampires, grabbed the human up and ripped her open with her teeth.

Blood splashed everywhere as Mother Miranda and the dying girl sank to the floor now covered in a pool of red.

Alcina was a statue as she watched from above.

She couldn't move.

Couldn't breathe.

Couldn't think.

Wearing the blood like a badge of a battle won, Mother Miranda stood, arms open wide with a smile of utter bliss spread on her face.

"Come, my children! Feast!" she called, slowly backing away.

The hoard dove in.

You'd think they never had blood before in their lives the way they so eagerly accepted the pitiful remains.

Mother Miranda loved a good show. Dramatics were her favorite.

Unmoved and cemented to the floor, Alcina's eyes were chained to the dance floor as the chaos ensued.

It wasn't until a small shot glass was presented in her line of sight that her realization of Mother Miranda was once again by her side.

"You have become so modest as the years have passed. The eloquent ruler you have become is rewarding. Here, my dear... I saved you a sip. She tasted wonderful."

She did not know what to make of this. Was she out of her mind? Could she please get a grip before it was too late?

Alcina could only insult herself silently for so long. Her long slender fingers accepted the shot glass, brought the blood to her lips and tossed it into her mouth.

Auto-pilot was the only way to get through this.

As the sickly sensation of cold blood rushed down her throat, the elation of realizing that taste was not you nearly buckled her knees.

Keeping her relief to the barest minimum, Alcina nodded politely and smiled, "Indeed, a wonderful find. Your guards have a knack for choosing."

Miranda's eyes twinkled, her lips pulling into a smirk, "I trained them almost as well as I trained you," she leaned in a little closer, "almost."

#alcina dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu/reader #alcina dimitrescu/female reader #alcina dimitrescu/original female character #mother miranda #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #donna beneviento #angie beneviento #angst #lesbian #wlw #f/f #fanfic #fic #pining

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nerves-nebula · 2 years ago

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Hey uh. Ik you've been getting a lot of asks about this, but you did help me out a lot. As uh, the kid who got the good grades, there was a lot of pressure on me (if I remember right, my childhood is kinda hard to remember) and I think seeing that being the golden child to your parents can still be damaging has helped us out a lot. I always felt bad for being the good kid in at least some sense of it and seeing that its okay to be seen as the good kid and still be not okay has been really important to us. Ill stop repeating myself now, just wanted to thank you.

ayy no problem. yknow i wasnt the kid who got away with everything (that was my older brother) but i was one of two kids who were expected to never cause any problems. the two oldest were always fighting and the two youngest were always fighting, but me and my sister, the two middle kids, were mostly just expected to quietly succeed.

i remember my first semester in high school, I got a B in two classes, and my mom was so disappointed. and i was like, but I've gotten A's in all my other classes! And she said that wasn't good enough to deserve a dinner out. every time i would stress myself to tears about "failing" a class and my classmates would ask what my grade was and I'd say something really high and they'd say I wasn't going to fail for one fucked up assignment. but failing wasn't about failing the CLASS (that was unthinkable and borderline impossible, since i turned in all my homework) it was about failing to deserve one night out with my mom at a restaurant of my choice. And i didnt even like my mom at that point.

WHICH IS TO SAY THAT being a good kid who gets grades and being neglected or abused go hand in hand. i thought of myself as The Good One who never caused problems, but it didnt do me any favors and as i got older i realized it didnt matter anyway cause my parents SUCK.

sorry for the rant the POINT IS you're welcome? i guess? lol

#nnstuff #ask #asks are sweethearts #being helpful

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granhairdo · 1 year ago

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my siblings and i are so fucking weird, here’s each weird trait we’re known for ordered oldest to youngest

me: giant. 6’1, 10 and a half pounds at birth, cryptid. also has a strange feeling of connection to a couple women far back in our family linage (im talking 1840s here)

sister: has prophetic dreams and shit, remembers her own birth, heard voices mumbling to her at our childhood home and never again

brother 1: animal whisperer. this guy once got a wild hare to come up to him along with many other instances like that

brother 2: borderline music prodigy. self explanatory, WOW

#this is probably why i like radical face so much cause my family is the fucking northcotes #neither of my parents are like this tho #my sister wins #there’s something off about her idk #especially when we were younger she just kind of… stared #she’s had dreams that have almost perfectly predicted major events #and she had one recently and just heebeejeebies

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fexlyn · 11 months ago

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This is a dis-continued version of my TMNT au, this is all I had written down for this. Enjoy I guess?

I’ll be updating this when I have an idea but I won’t make anything big out of it.

Lenna

Oldest (16)

Oldest child syndrome

Hawksbill Sea Turtle

Tics (unconsciously clicking throat)

Lesbian

she/her

Voice actor potential = AJ Michalka or Natasha Lyonne or EJ Johnson

5’6ft - 66 inches - 167.64cm

Stiff / sensible / serious / lil silly

Loves the show Stardust Heros

Admires Janus Seyfert (♀)

Knows a lot about medical action and theory –stuff

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Donatello

Second oldest (“16”)

Mum syndrome

Leatherback Sea Turtle

Related to Raph only

Autism

Keeps everything that's given from his brothers

Panromantic

7’ft - 84 inches - 213.36cm

Voice actor potential = Parvesh Cheena or Freddy Rodríguez or

BPD (Borderline personality disorder)

Favourite flower is the Red spider lily

got aged up to 4yrs - 2 yrs later Raph was mutated and aged properly

Sometimes forget words that are simple

Remembers every word that are considered ‘big words’

Jhanna is Dons gf (did not meet till s4; s5 is the confession)

Will literally make you anything if u just ask

Tries to be a pacifist (trained to kill without second thought)

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Michelangelo

Second youngest (15)

Kemp's Ridley Sea Turtles

ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder)

Trans masc

when scared he hugs himself / cover himself in blankets

Early bird

5’5ft - 65 inches - 165.09cm

Voice actor potential = Alastair James or Freddy Rodríguez or Zach Barack

Fears of being forgotten

Spray painting is his favourite art form

fidgets with a rubix cube

When needing comfort he goes to his older sister

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Raphael

Youngest (10)

Leatherback Sea Turtle

Related to Donnie only (by species)

Loves attention from his blood brother

Or attention in general

Disappears- somehow- anytime there's a fight

Loves paper mache

Feral (not actually just likes to bite)

Best friends with Casey- dont tell Len…or Don…-

His favourite blackberries

Voice actor potential = Alexander David Linz or francesca marie smith

5’1ft - 61 inches - 154.93cm

Troublemaker

Likes the show stardust heart

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Splinter Hamato

He became a mutant rat at 18 due to a mishap

He meets the turtles at [insert age] hes now [insert age]

He's cripled due to the mutagen not being complete

But don't underestimate him he can whoop yo ass in seconds

Big fan of the renaissance artist and wanted to be a artist himself

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Casey Jones

Middle child (12)

Bestfriends with Raphael

Has not told anyone that he's friends with mutant turtles (yet)

Feels like someone trying to burn a hole in his head every class

Taking hockey training

Taking ice skating as well

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Cassandra Jones

Oldest child (15)

Has a crush on Lenna (knows about Casey's turtle friends)

Lesbian

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Angel Jones

Youngest child (6)

Hangs around Micheal and Donnie

Cheeky little shit

Has some interest in machinery

Has a lot of interest in paint

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April O’Neil

Shes 12

She's was 5 when her parents died and got moved with her aunt

Wishes to be a famous reporter

Believes that one of her classmates [read: Casey Jones] is some evil spy

Will literally hang off of vents, trees, wall cliffs; to get the scoop

She has a lot of bruises… and sticks stuck in her hair…

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Carol O’Neil

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Jhanna

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How do they exist?

Baxter Stockman, a teen genius, spent 22 years (17-39) creating a serum for perfect super soldiers-a classic I know- creating failures upon failures he finally perfected the chemical mutagen. But with the twist of it not working on humans due to something that humans have that ‘lower-intelligence life forms’ don't.

When used on humans they will [insert super painful symptoms] and a clinical death happens.

Baxter Stockman was promoted and awarded from the higher ups-he's now head of the renewed US bioweapons program.

Len - backstory

Putting the unmutated tot len into a tank of water then releasing the mutagen into the tank mutating them into a humanoid baby.

She was treated carefully, due to her being so-new, they tested her with anything possible without harming her. She was kept in a room, alone, being studied from the outside behind see-through mirrors.

As she got older(5) the experiments and studies started to become more often and a little more risky, they started to do more hands on like extracting blood or muscle reaction (they can't take scutes yet).

She got older, again, because they age…

Experiments got worse-like-painful- worse.

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Donnie - Backstory

4 years after the creation of Lenna…

An agency (clan) in Japan heard (stalked) about the Mutagen that was perfected, they did a little something (killing) something (torture) getting the components of the mutagen to make their own soldiers.

They wanted a weapon that can be both in land and water, and large in size as well- since bigger weapons are more stronger right?- so they took the idea of a turtle as well. Leatherback sea turtle was their pick, soon or later will be known as V-1-L-0-T Donatello.

After the turtle was mutated, he was young- a baby

But being the smart-ego filled Ninjas they thought it would be best to make the ageing process a little bit faster so they're ahead of the enemy or the very least the same pace of making a weapon

————————————

Mikey - Backstory

————————————

Raph - Backstory

————————————

#tmnt au #tmnt #my tmnt iteration #my tmnt au #discontinued

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skeleton-in-a-hoodie · 2 years ago

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Dead Doesn't Mean Gone is nowhere near Casey being introduced, but i'm really excited about him so thought I'd just dump all my headcannons for him so far here

His mum's mexican, not sure about his dad.

Lives with his grandma and little sister - this version of Arnold Jones is, unfortunately, a complete asshole, so when Casey was about 13 and Robyn 7 their grandma got custody.

He actually met Raph before he lived with his grandma. They both play hockey, so played for different teams. At first they were mostly rivals, but it quickly developed into friendship.

Casey doesn't really talk about his dad to Raph and there's a lot of reasons why. At the time Casey was very much like "he's my dad and he loves me, if I tell anyone they'll completely misunderstand the situation." Like he's protective of his loved ones, and felt he had to defend his dad, even if his dad's actions were awful. Plus he knows that Raph lives in a children's home, so he felt awkward talking about Arnold (Raph doesn't actually mind when people talk about their dads).

After Casey moves, Raph knows that something happened with his dad, but Casey won't talk about it. Raph's grown up around a lot of different kids, so he knows there's a lot of potential reasons Casey and Robyn are living with their grandma now, so he decides to wait for Casey to tell him and just be supportive in the meantime.

Casey is afraid of rats - there was a bad experience with them in his childhood.

Raph mentions Splinter to Casey but doesn't go into much detail. Casey just knows that Raph and his brothers have an adoptive dad who can't legally adopt them, most likely due to an unknown illness.

Unknown to Casey, he has met Splinter already. Unfortunately, it was during the time of night Splinter isn't himself. This did not help his fear of rats at all. (Splinter didn't hurt him, just scared him pretty badly.)

Screamed bloody murder the first time he met Splinter properly. Was then super confused cause "Raph, this is your dad!? He's a gaint talking rat!","Technically he's a rat demon", "Not helping Donnie!"

Does warm up to Splinter. Eventually Casey does end up seeing Splinter as a father figure, but due to *gestures at Arnold* doesn't feel comfortable calling him dad so instead it's either Splinter or Tio.

Has a lot of confusing feelings about his gender that he was not ready to get into after moving (This Casey is genderfluid). Starts figuring stuff out when he's roughly 15 and comes out not long after.

The fam are all very supportive! (Most of them are LGBTQ+)

Makes her own skates.

Splinter sees them and asks if Casey wants to learn metal forging.

(If you listen very closely, you can hear Leo's blood pressure rising.)

Donnie and Casey bond over making things in the garage. The earn some money by fixing people's cars and stuff after school/on weekends. When Donnie goes to university, Casey keeps at it and opens her own mechanic's shop.

Skateboards with Mikey and watches horror movies with him. Sometimes they'll watch horror anime together.

Casey at Leo "Aren't you tired of being nice. Don't you ever just wanna go apeshit?" Also sometimes they'll talk about what it's like being the oldest sibling and having to borderline raise yourself and them.

Not sure yet if she learns ninjutsu officially, but she does pick up a lot of stuff from the brothers and April. She knows how to box.

Watches anime and got into Japanese punk and metal bands.

Finds the forest deer unsettling as all hell. Does not get why Mikey is so fond of it.

Once tried to summon a demon with April (Girls Night!) and laughed so hard she couldn't breath when the ritual spat Splinter out (Splinter yelped). April was swinging between excited that it worked and wanting to know why it dragged Splinter in, meanwhile Casey is curled up in the corner wheeze-laughing

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt au #dead doesn't mean gone au #tmnt casey jones

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ang-paborito · 11 months ago

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I'm just trying to protect my siblings pero ako yung kontrabida

TLDR: I'm prohibiting my younger sibs from hanging out with my half-sibs and their families but this causing a drift between us.

Context: Medyo complicated fam structure namin. Basically, my parents both lost their spouses before remarrying to each other. Mom had no kids from first hubby but dad got tons. Aaaaand those grown ass kids didn't like my mom because she was almost in the same age range with them.

When they were all living together, the first family made my mom's life miserable. Yung sister ko first hand nya naranasan yung abuse like when our parents were out, tinali nila sa labas sister ko.

They were also the cause that my mom miscarried.

Dad cut them off and they bought a new house pero still supporting yung mga nasa college pa lang.

Pero he forgave them and reconnected kasi yung mga apo.

Laging ganun, gagawa sila kagaguhan, away cut off tapos reconnect. But they don't change, they just get better.

What's worst pati mga anak nila they are teaching them how to treat us and they spread these lies about my mom na wala namang basis. Super inggitera pa sila like if we have brand new clothes, toys, and things ninanakaw nila. If we go on trips as a family local or abroad, naghihinaing sila sa amin like they are making us feel guilty.

My sisters and I remembered it very much. My younger brother he was still a baby when we took him in (adopted). Yung half-sister ko who gave birth at the same time na inaadopt bb brother, she didn't like it kasi our dad was more enthusiastic with the newly adopted son kesa sa apo na kadugo nya.

My dad caught her in the act of pinching bb brother's nose until magpurple yung lips.

From then almost a decade na we didn't have contact. They were trying to reach out probably to ask for financial help, pero my dad wouldn't let them in.

We only got together once when both parents died, and we gave them a chance to renew the relationship and natutuwa naman bb brother to play with nephews and nieces his age. Kaso, it seems that they didn't change. They're materialistic and envious. Example, if my brother has a new console or gadget like psp or iPad, giniguilt trip nila yung bata so he will give the thing sa nephew. Or to ask me gifts through him. Pinahiram nya yung psp and it's gone na.

From then on, binawalan ko sya to ever bond with them. I told him why, especially that he almost got murdered.

Sumunod naman sya years later but lately he is requesting to bond sa kabila kasi they are reaching out.

They are also reaching out to my younger sister na graduating na by promising her to find her a job sa city hall. Inuupdate nila if may CSE na sya. Pero younger sister ko she wants to come with me abroad.

Then the other nights, I saw my brother's story na THEY WENT TO LA UNIOOOON with that sister who tried to kill him 17 years ago. I'm so angry and all this trauma coming back again because my oldest niece older than me and her sisters were playfully drowning me when I was 6.

Off course I sounded like a paranoid mom. I messaged my half-sister to fuck off and threatened her if ever something bad will happen sa brother ko.

Ito namang brother ko galit pa sakin nakakahiya daw kasi they are nice to him naman daw and they didn't say anything bad about me.

I told him na if may gusto sya ipabili dun sya sa half-sister namin.

Reply nya: OK.COOL

Arrrrrrggggghhhh

😡😡😡😡😡

I told this to my older (whole) sister and sabi nya lang "Hayaan mo so he'll learn the hard way. He'll see them through if nagbago sila or not."

I didn't like the idea pero baka nasasakal na din sya sa amin kasi lagi namin pinagsasabihan and we are kinda overprotective to him. I thought we are doing a good job taking care of him but at the end, things happen.

Ang akin lang naman, I don't want him to experience what we had experienced with them. Kasi sobrang fucked up mga ginawa nila na iba borderline criminal na and if I ever list it, 2025 pa tayo matatapos.

Even if kinwento namin sa kanya parang walang pake because they are our memories not him eh.

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mixdthoughts · 1 year ago

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I hate how tumblr doesn't have dates anymore so: Nov. 1st 2023 - This is week 7 of living back in my home town (Sept 16th).

It's really a love hate relationship. I love being around my family as much as I am able to, but it also comes w a price of being around a mentally unstable family member, my older sister. She was diagnosed borderline as a teen.

My parents refused to have her diagnosed because of the stigma behind it. I really believe this decision has been a huge detriment to us. My older sister has a 6 month old who's been in the hospital since she was born. This past weekend she broke the news to the family that she was pregnant again.

This is her 7th kid. She doesn't like being pregnant and isn't capable of taking care of kids on a daily, consistent, or loving way. Our younger sister raised her kids more than she ever has. Her oldest daughters started taking care of the younger kids once our little sister stopped helping.

I haven't talked to her in 5 weeks and I refuse to if she won't apologize.

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itashiro-writing-corner · 1 year ago

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Crafting continues

So here we are now. The finer details. (Side note: I am enjoying these screenshots from the video. The art is just so great to look at. XD)

So simple things. I have been referring to this character in a gender neutral way up until now. This mostly due to how my crafting brain works when making characters. So to make it very clear, this muse will be a female. Now backstory time! We are using the 'Evil' version of Anna from frozen as the background for this muse so we'll take some aspects of the character for the backstory and fine tune it. So the simple version: princess to a nation, younger sister to the heir, heir has ice powers, parents tragically die in an accident, siblings grow distant, etc. So with this we can take the aspects and tweak the details.

For this character we'll make her the younger sister of a princess/future queen. Let's say they're only two years apart. As kids they were pretty close as can be. Then the oldest's powers emerged. The parents weren't sure about whether the powers were a blessing or a curse. So the two were separated while they tried to keep the powers hidden from everyone. Unfortunately they neglected to explain the situation properly to the youngest so this left them confused and frustrated. This happened when the oldest was about 9 years old. 6 years later their parents left on a political trip where they died in a terrible storm. For this I'll say it was a normal land travel did it rather than a shipwreck. Naturally this devastated the siblings. But this leaves the oldest under immense pressure. Now virtually alone to deal with their powers which she swore to keep hidden, even from her younger sister, the oldest locks herself away for the next 6 years (accidental math be accidental).

The oldest is a queen in name only during this time but so far the advisors mainly controlled the state for the time being. Once the Queen reached 21 years of age is when the proper coronation takes place. A lot of this sounds like the plot to Frozen, which is kind of is, but it's still a drafting stage. We'll touch more upon this later.

Now we spend a lot of time talking about the older sibling here so let's putt the focus back on the character in question. Let's get personality, this is where it gets interesting. Since this is supposed to be a villain character we're taking the tragic villain route. At first she was a kind hearted fun loving princess, but due to circumstances she becomes a cold and bitter evil queen. In her new state she becomes apathetic, even borderline sadistic in how she acts with her malice. But she isn't one to act out of turn at every inconvenience. She still has a level head and is careful with her displays of wrath. Think closer to Atla Book 2 Azula, or even closer to Maleficent. She has her wrathful moments of course, but when it counts she can be cunning, devious, and manipulative while masquerading as cordial in social environments.

Pre-craziness version is similar to Ty Lee (Avatar is fun to compare to XD), bright, quirky, loves to have fun. She loved to see the bright side to everything and keep positive. She also loved her sister more than anything, especially when they lost their parents. But she was also a bit naive and dimwitted at times. A very stark contrast to what she becomes later on. This aspect is more so useful as a reference to the drastic change she underwent and can be fun plot points to possibly explore.

Now with that stated what do you guys think of this 19 year old ice queen so far? Anything you'd like seen touched up upon? Anything you'd like to alter a bit? Let me know and next post we'll tinker some more.

#muse crafting

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br0therbutterfly · 6 months ago

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((couldnt fit all of it in the tags sry for getting personal on ur post op 😭))

this is really interesting to me because, not to get too personal on my horny blog but i have a very strange relationship with my family, that the following gets into in order to make a point and sort of work through what im thinking about.

im an incest kink enjoyer, and im not an only child so the above was really interesting to read and think about. i have two siblings, both older. my parents were largely emotionally neglectful of me but very strict and involved with my siblings, which created a very weird environment in my house where i was pretty much only surrounded by my two (both older) siblings, who mostly resented me in childhood for not receiving the same harsh treatment they had. my brother and i always had an antagonistic relationship as children, and my sister who mostly took care of both of us when we were small (as often happens with oldest children) had a closer relationship with my brother than me, because they had more similar upbringings than i did to either of them.

it created that same loneliness, the distance from the family unit, but with such strong associations with what it is to have a sibling, even at as much distance as you can have while all living under the same roof. it’s strange, because the sexual side of my recent fixation on sibling relationships has borderline nothing to do with my actual siblings, like op says these things can just spring into being without specific cause, and yet that loneliness and longing for something closer from them is still probably a root for the whole thing, even if the fixation itself is not directed towards them.

i knew my older brother very well as a young child, we shared a room and fought and bickered constantly over everything. then as we both got a little older we were close for a brief period of time when i was a teenager and he was in his early twenties. then i lived with my sister for years in adulthood, and after that i still never felt like i properly knew her as a person, because the distance created by our family home was so vast that no amount of proximity was going to cross it.

now my brother and i havent spoken in years, and i live on my own far from my sister, and i have this deep deep yearning for that closeness he and i shared very briefly, and for the idealized hope i had while living with my sister that we’d reach something similar.

it’s interesting, to consider the nature of loneliness in relation to kink. because i imagine to some extent, most kink stems from yearning, which itself starts at distance. distance tangibly or emotionally from something you want. that distance from what you crave sharpening that longing into something else. i think of my yearning to be loved and understood becoming my sexual need for obsession from a dominant or submissive dynamic. the neglect of my parents making me deaperate for a maternal figure in a kink context. the distance between myself and my siblings creating a hunger to be that caring older sibling to someone else that i never really had for myself, sexually and romantically yes but honestly mostly in more mundane ways.

i just think loneliness as a vector to interrogate kink is a fascinating way to think about this stuff. like, to point the lens away from the incest kink for a moment, i fantasize constantly about being stalked and kidnapped, and theres a very easy line to draw between my specific traumatic experiences and that desire but thats not actually what drives it. it’s loneliness. its the feeling i had in childhood of sitting by myself on the playground because i didnt have a lot of friends that understood or wanted me, twisting into wanting to be so obsessively needed by someone that they cant help but keep me in their grasp at all costs.

childhood loneliness specifically and longing more generally as seed for kink, especially harder kink, is a FASCINATING way to think about all of this and i will be rotating it in my head for a long time i think. thanks for making me think about it this way!

((sorry again to OP for tacking this on, if youd rather i remove this from your post and make my own i will!!!))

Are you an only child like me, I wonder if there is a connection with incest kink and being a only child?

I'm kinda an only child! Estranged half sibling situation :/

But my full answer to this is more twofold:

I think sometimes kinks have recognizable causes and sometimes they don't! I think statistically, probably a majority of people into fauxcest are only children, because I think being lonely as a kid (which many of us were) and wanting a sibling can relatively easily overlap with sexual desire when you hit puberty. At least, that's what happened to me.

On the other hand, I do know quite a few people with sibling kinks, who also have siblings they're not at all into! Similar to how a lot of people have a daddy or mommy kink without having problems with their actual parents (I'm in that camp, myself!)

Some kinks just appear in your life for no discernable reason, like how I think certain types of footwear are really hot, but I'm also distinctly not into feet! Sometimes you get one niche of a kink, sometimes you get a whole family of kinks (no pun intended), sometimes there's a reason for it and sometimes there isn't!

#im literally never sure when its okay to put something in the reblog or in the tags 💀💀💀#is this right is this tumblr etiquette or tumblr evildoing #fr say the word and its gone!#thoughts tongue and a little bitta acid

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