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vickyvicarious · 2 years ago

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Today's entry is so much about trust and connection. The complete erosion of it, that is. It starts right away, with Jonathan's seeming certainty that there are workmen in the castle but for the first time no effort given to even trying to communicate with them or seek any kind of assistance or opportunity for escape with their presence. Instead, they are fully aligned with Dracula's plans:

The Szgany are quartered somewhere in the castle and are doing work of some kind. I know it, for now and then I hear a far-away muffled sound as of mattock and spade, and, whatever it is, it must be the end of some ruthless villainy.

This is of course the result of Dracula's efforts to sow distrust by clearly telling Jonathan one of them returned his letter to the Count, and reinforced by their laughter in the last entry. Jonathan no longer trusts the other people around him, not after being burned twice. At least not enough that he is pinning any kind of hope to it. Sure, he didn't get a chance, but in an earlier entry you can bet he would have said something about watching for one to speak to these workers he hears far off in the castle, or to check for an open door nearby them, etc. None of that is on the table anymore.

Moving on, a new scheme.

This, then, is his new scheme of evil: that he will allow others to see me, as they think, so that he may both leave evidence that I have been seen in the towns or villages posting my own letters, and that any wickedness which he may do shall by the local people be attributed to me.

Side note — here's another example of Jonathan being very clever and immediately connecting dots. He realizes instantly just what dual purpose Dracula stealing his identity serves. I mean, of course he must have been thinking very hard on why the Count took his belongings, if there was any extra purpose outside the obvious, but even so he is very quick to pick up on both the significance of the bag being carried (visible) and the implied purpose of delivering letters (invisible) as well as how both those will reflect on him.

Back to the point about trust though, this dual purpose is designed to make Jonathan seem more and less reliable at once. It's a backup to ensure his letters, if questioned, stand up to scrutiny. His written word can be trusted, it was definitely him who sent those letters! Of course this is predicated on a lie from the start since those letters were dictated, but now there is witness testimony to back up the paper trail, so to speak. (Yeah, I recognize the irony of Dracula prepping like this in the same entry that Jonathan laments his lack of access to legal rights that even criminals have. He doesn't have them but even if he did Dracula is basically framing him to get him 'convicted' regardless.) And then dressing up as Jonathan to abduct another child is the way to fully discredit him. Dracula made sure he was seen as Jonathan doing this - I think it's not just that the mother was uniquely determined to get her child back, but Dracula let her (and maybe others) see him-as-Jonathan taking the child away. He ensured the locals' belief that Jonathan is a lost cause, that he too has become a monster. If someone ever questioned them further about him they wouldn't want to help them find him. Not for any kind of rescue, anyway. More to the point though - if Jonathan tries to escape, they won't help him. Not anymore

It is a mirror to Jonathan's own opinion of the other people working in the castle. Just as he, due to Dracula's manipulations, sees their actions in the worst light - just as he aligns them fully with the Count's evil plans... so too will the locals do the same for Jonathan now. This is proven by the mother's response to the sight of him:

When she saw my face at the window she threw herself forward, and shouted in a voice laden with menace:—

"Monster, give me my child!"

On top of just being incredibly cruel to everyone involved - Jonathan being blamed like this just after hearing her child die, her seemingly coming face-face with the monster who stole her baby and yet unable to reach him at all, and of course the kind of casual cruelty inherent in Dracula not even bothering to kill her himself but just sending his wolves after her - on top of all that, this moment serves a distinct purpose. It ensures Jonathan has no one to rely on but Dracula, no one at all.

...and yet, that's proven to be not entirely true in this same entry. Or is it? There's some interesting nuance here with the vampire ladies' second attack:

Something made me start up, a low, piteous howling of dogs somewhere far below in the valley, which was hidden from my sight. Louder it seemed to ring in my ears, and the floating motes of dust to take new shapes to the sound as they danced in the moonlight.

Jonathan is shocked out of his trance by the sound of dogs howling. Only partially, sure, but it awakens him enough to fight back to full awareness and then flee the scene. The fact that he says it is distant dogs howling is such a kick in the gut. Because he encounters wolves again later this same entry and mentions them howling there. So he isn't just mistaking wolf howls for dog howls, he is noting two distinctly different sounds.

Dogs are not wolves. They aren't the wild beasts that prey upon people, the children of the night, the monsters in the dark - no, they are loyal and domesticated. They represent people, civilization. They are diametrically opposed to wolves and thus to vampires, and are shown to be instinctively opposed to Dracula.

So this means that Jonathan is symbolically saved by sounds of humanity. And yet there's a disconcerting element which undermines this brief bit of security. Because what makes the dogs howl? Dracula. Dracula kidnapping a child, in Jonathan's guise at that. And so the moment that rescues Jonathan from the vampire women once again... is once again linked to Dracula, once again substitutes another victim in Jonathan's place. This ambivalence is summed up in the final line of this section:

I fled, and felt somewhat safer in my own room, where there was no moonlight and where the lamp was burning brightly.

Jonathan feels safer in his room, where he is protected from the wild monstrous moonlight by the reassuring light burning brightly, a sign of civilization and humanity. And yet the reason his room is safe comes down in the end to, not the light, but Dracula designating it as a 'safe space'. As if to drive the point home even more, not two lines later Jonathan finds that his sanctuary has once again become a prison: he's locked inside and cannot leave to try and save the child he can hear being killed nearby.

Because he is surrounded by Dracula's influence, because he is fully under Dracula's power, any link to humanity is inevitably tainted. Jonathan cannot maintain any connection to civilization or trust in any people. His best chance is a vain feeling of false security. (Excluding his journal, of course - the diary is unknown by Dracula, and thus outside his influence. And Jonathan so clearly relies heavily upon it to keep up his hope, his sanity, his resistance.) At least, not while he is in the castle, the seat of Dracula's power. And unfortunately, there seems to be no way out.

#dracula daily #jonathan harker #count dracula #dracula meta #my meta

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not-your-npc · 8 months ago

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To start, JOL is great - good acting, costumes, storyline, etc.

My point, though, is the topic of equality that comes up.

First off, countries need a government. The emperor, as the manipulative shit that he is, actually knows how to run a country properly and is able to conduct proper checks and balances.

Fan Xian is a prime example because his fathers all want him in important positions. And without proper balance, Fan Xian will become the next dictator, whether or not he chooses to.

In this case, the emperor keeps Fan Xian's power in check by removing any chances of strong political support. (Hence, the execution and exile of ministers)

Secondly, the position of women in such a society. (It is a male-centric story, after all.) The women are either unnamed; e.g. only known as Madam <Husband's surname>, or Lady <Father's surname>, or given childish/babyish sounding names, with the exception of Li Yun Rui, the Elder Princess/Princess Royal, whose name actually has some meaning - her 'Rui 睿' means astute, 睿智 means wisdom.

The women are not allowed to become court officials. The women are not allowed to be in the running for the throne.

Fan Ruo Ruo is acknowledged to be a female scholar, but she can not take the national exams nor hold a court position. Li Yun Rui is as cunning and ruthless as the Emperor, but is not allowed to sit on the throne.

The ruler of Beiqi, the head of a nation, has to present themselves as a man to be acknowledged as a ruler.

For all his talk about following his mother's footsteps and fighting for equality of all humans, has Fan Xian never looked at the court and wondered why there were no women there?

#joy of life #equality #cdrama #joy of life 2 #庆余年2 #庆余年

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corellianhounds · 4 months ago

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Putting this one under a cut because it’s more off-the-cuff complaining/rambling about my opinions than it is a well-worded/edited breakdown of my criticisms of a character:

The way that I’ve taken to writing Anakin is that I’m going off of the effect his character should have had on the audience and rewriting the circumstances that would have made him that person in canon. Reverse engineering him if you will

George Lucas’s intention was to write a (somehow fun) war trilogy showing this man’s origin, rise to power, and fall from glory, ending on a tragic conclusion but one with the people around him having some hope for a possible future despite the outcome of the war and what Anakin became

Anakin’s character is supposed to be the person who became Darth Vader, a genocidal dictator and evil sorcerer serving/compelled to serve another evil sorcerer, so you have to have more compelling visual evidence foreshadowing and laying the groundwork for that inevitability. If you want to make the person Vader used to be impressive, sympathetic, and tragic with that inevitable, narratively compelling, logical bridge to his subsequent character of Vader, you need to write a story that shows the audience a strong, personable, intelligent, charismatic but ruthless and impressive warrior who is a cut above the rest, placed in a truly unique position and forced to react to the circumstances both in and outside of his control.

We don’t see an impressive visual evidence of Anakin doing anything somebody else who is an expert in that field couldn’t do; yes he’s an impressive pilot and mechanic and was impressive at a young age, but those are skills that can be learned and I’m more inclined to think he was just a prodigy. If he’s some incredible fighter, military tactician, and martial artist, you need to show a more involved part at the front lines of the war, and you can’t just hold all of that to a cartoon you won’t make until years after you’ve finished that trilogy. If he’s supposed to be a prophesied Chosen One and the most powerful Jedi the galaxy has ever seen, you need to show him using Force powers stronger and more impressive than the rest of the Jedi around him, and you need to show him doing things nobody else can do.

Have him creating and controlling weather on Tatooine, his and his mother’s home surrounded by this inexplicable greenery and midday rain showers. Have him using the Force to command a rock slide during the Boonta Eve Classic, pulling canyons down around his opponents, summoning sandstorms that bend around his vehicle while sweeping the rest away. Have Shmi talking about the uncontrollable, unexplained phenomena that happens when he loses his temper. Show him levitating massive objects with ease with no training at all while the rest of the Jedi struggle.

And then when he’s older and he’s starting to rely on darker or even just more dubious uses of the Force when in tight spots or pivotal battles, bring that back. Have him at the eye of a wind- and thunderstorm, lightning crackling around him as his eyes glow and he shields several hundred soldiers and civilians, narrowly cutting through their enemy’s defenses and wiping them out. Show a clear use of clairvoyance when he casts his sight across a battlefield and takes control of the minds of enemy generals from miles away, puppetting them against their will to destroy themselves before they’ve even reached the Republic army. Show some definite and clear foreshadowing to the man he’s going to become. Ruthlessness is a necessary quality in war, and an intelligent and capable tactician like he was supposed to be will make the difficult calls and snap decisions other people are spending time debating the ethics of. Time is of the essence, and Anakin’s going to make judgment calls based on the information he has, and when he’s able to back his argument up with evidence and sound reasoning, everybody else is going to be left wondering “Maybe he IS right.”

Add to that that he’s charming, sociable, good with people, and genuinely wants to protect those who can’t protect themselves, and you’ve got a hero of the people the Jedi council and military have a hard time pushing back against, especially if all of his calls either turn out to be right or he has incredibly sound justifications for what he does. Give us hints of his temper, his anger something simmering just below the surface, and show him regaining an eerily quick control over it when he does lash out. Have him smile and apologize, give a politician’s answer to the argument, smoothing the mask back into place until the other person’s back is turned, but then show him also charming diplomats, soothing tensions between bickering parties, playing and laughing with little kids, being chivalrous to people of every station. A true white knight. Someone genuinely good but with understandable flaws who tries to do the right thing, and just happens to fail because the circumstances he’s in are ones that truly force the best and worst out of people. If you want for Vader’s turn to be tragic, you have to show that AFTER the audience has seen the polar opposite in what he used to be.

All of this sets him up to be strong, admirable, down-to-earth, likable, and capable, a guy’s whose qualities are at the ROOT of who Darth Vader is as a character. You have to lay the groundwork of impressive powers, intellect, strategy, cunning, ruthlessness, and skill in order for that guy to become the already established character your audience has seen.

Additionally, once you’ve made him a more interesting and likable person, you’ve also made him into a better love interest. He’s a white knight who’s also a bit of a bad boy, BUT he’s also been hopelessly in love with the same girl his entire life. This Anakin always politely rejected the interest of other people interested in him, chided the padawans and knights flirting with propriety and shirking their duties, never spoke of romantic interest at all as a teenager, so OF COURSE the council doesn’t see a problem pairing him with this young, beautiful, influential woman as her bodyguard. They have no idea he’s been harboring the same crush/obsession for ten years, and if he plays his cards right and keeps that love close to his chest, maybe they won’t suspect a thing.

Making Anakin interesting, intelligent, and physically impressive/capable makes him a more understandable and compelling choice the audience can obviously see Amidala is falling for from the beginning of their reintroduction. You want to have circumstances keeping them apart, building tension because something always inevitably comes up and interrupts them? Keep the assassination plot on Coruscant for the second movie where there are always people watching, there’s security cameras and social decorum and both of their ever-present responsibilities right at the forefront. It’s a whole lot hotter when people CAN’T act on their desires. Have an assassin trying to kill her in broad daylight, ‘forcing’ Anakin to physically shield her with his body (protective, valiant, shows quick reflexes and a willingness to put himself in harm’s way, forced proximity, hot pose with one hand against the wall she’s backed up against as he surveys their surroundings and all she can see in front of her is him). Use the setting to your advantage, have their conversations outside the door to her quarters just baaaaaarely this side of propriety as they hide what they can’t say within what they can. Show Amidala watching him in a crowd of a thousand, and him turning to find her exactly where she is across the room. Show the reactions of Padme’s body doubles, include them in the plot. Keep Obi-Wan around as a complication for Anakin, show his friendship with Padme too and introduce the idea that Obi-Wan already has his own suspicions, and that Anakin will have more reason to think Obi-Wan is capable of turning her against him at the end.

The war and their respective stations and their obligations to others and the people around them are keeping them apart. It’s a classic storytelling device. Use it to create tension and you’ll automatically be able to come up with more interesting events than frolicking around Naboo doing whatever in seclusion with a narratively unnecessary “will they, won’t they,” considering there are no people or circumstances or limitations keeping them apart and nothing that really makes 19-year-old Anakin all that appealing to a woman several years his senior who allegedly still sees him as a kid.

For this entire trilogy, we should have seen more hints that the Dark side is bleeding through him. The Tusken massacre is only one (contrived) event that isn’t mentioned again and doesn’t carry through in a narratively compelling way. If you’ve shown him to already have that temptation towards needing control, if you’ve shown him making selfish decisions in secret and being quick to wrath and ruthlessness, and if you’ve shown him as capable and willing to wield the Dark side, thinking he can control it and won’t fall prey to it’s temptation or power over him, then you’ve set him up with the pride and arrogance that drives all of his negative qualities to their breaking points. By the third movie the war is much more serious and the circumstances of all of Anakin’s relationships are under constant strain; Padme telling him she’s pregnant is the fault line that drives his actions from that point forward.

The Chancellor shouldn’t have had complete control and orchestration over Anakin’s entire life because taking that active involvement from Anakin isn’t narratively interesting and makes for a weaker character. Palpatine’s an opportunist with contingency plans upon contingency plans; all he really needed to be was in the right place at the right time, picking up on this guy’s exact weakness and exploiting the flaws Anakin was responsible for in the first place. The best analogy I have for writing a more compelling Anakin is if you characterize him like Boromir, a true hero of the people on the front lines defending one of the last kingdoms of men, a man who thinks their side should be willing to take advantage of any resource available to them in order to end a war that’s been raging for years, who thinks he’s strong enough to resist whatever negative side effects this corrupt source of incredible power might have on him because he thinks he’s different, he can control it, he’ll use it for good.

Reverse engineering Darth Vader to figure out the Anakin (I think) George Lucas was going for shows a different person than who he is in canon, which means his canonical character and those circumstances need rewritten since I find Vader in the original trilogy more compelling than Anakin in the prequels. Setting Anakin up this way creates a much farther fall from grace and really drives home the tragedy of his character because up until the point he truly chooses to go all in, we should have seen a compelling argument for how he could have resisted the call of the Dark side, if he made that conscious choice. Characters driving a story is almost always stronger than circumstances moving those characters around and taking out their involvement in the cause and effect of the plot.

And that’s difficult to do with a war/story that happens the way it does. It feels like Lucas had an outline of “These are the plot points that have to happen to get to the point of the original trilogy, and now I have to write my script around that,” which in my opinion doesn’t usually result in very smooth or organic writing if you aren’t willing to throw things out that don’t work as you go along

#character analysis #Anakin Skywalker #prequel trilogy #Star Wars prequels criticisms #star wars AU #hounds speaks #my writing #Anyway prequel canon events are suggestions to me #I know that feels like ‘cheating’ as a fanfic author because I’m telling you to just go along with me with my version of this character #when I haven’t established a fully laid out rewrite of the prequel trilogy #but that’s where I’m at because I just don’t find the stories or characters in the prequel trilogy interesting or compelling enough #to rewrite them in their entirety.#anywho

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texasthegreatdestroyer · 1 year ago

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Bioshock!Qrow.

For context, I run a discord rp server dedicated to the world building behind the setting of the first two Bioshock games, Rapture, and for those who haven't played the games, Rapture is an underwater city.

Following Head canons/server canons are:

-Qrow is a luke warm christian. He's a man of god, though he doesn't heed everything in the bible, in fact he finds the book rather ridiculous and that a man made scripture is not an accurate representation of god's will. Swearing like a sailor, partaking in ilicite substances, and his swinger tendencies, along with a career riddled in assination and other crimes during his time in the mafia, Qrow is far from the ideal christian, but he is a man of righteousness and and he will always stand by what he believes in and fight for what he believes is right.

-Qrow is a mercenary for hire, though most of his jobs tend to be bounty hunting. As a result of this as well as his past as a ruthless killer for the mafia, Qrow is a well known and greatly feared man.

-He's a bisexual man with polyamours tendacies.

-In the image above, Qrow is slowly disintigrating into a flock of birds, that isn't a cool, edgy artistic choice. When I made this bioshock version of Qrow, my adaptation of Qrow's ability involved a plasmid based on the Bioshock Infinite's Vigor called Murder Of Crows, which allows the player to summon a flock(murder) of crows. Qrow's plasmid is unique from the vigor when it comes to how the birds are summoned about. Similar to his shape shifting abilities in RWBY how Qrow can turn into a single crow, this plasmid allows him to split his body up into a murder of crows ranging up to 5-8 birds depending on the seasons. Additionally, the more of his body he sacrifices to the crow(s), the more durable, violent, and destructive they are, as well as how strong his conciousness is instilled into them. Additionally the potentcy of his sacrifice is split between birds, so if he were to fully transform into a single bird, full body, it would cause him to have an insatiable blood lust, go berzerk, and be very tough to take out for a crow, and that's not accounting for evasive abilities that come with being a bird of flight. However there are flaws to this plasmid, if a crow is killed in combat, it reflects back onto Qrow and causes him physical harm. The severity of his injuries are dictated by how many crows are killed, and how much of his body is sacrificed to the crows. If Qrow inserts full body into the murder/crow, and all birds or the single bird is killed, Qrow will die. Safe to say, he has to be strategic about how he uses this plasmid.

Backstory: TW of suicide, abuse, gore, and torture.

-Was born in rapture, He was raised up to the age of 12 in a strict, Christian house hold. That came to an end abruptly and violently when his homophobic father found out that he was gay (Obviously being 12, he didn't fully understand what it meant to be gay, he thought it just meant that he liked boys, not accounting that he like boys and girls.) and as result of this being physically assaulted. This caused his mother to step in, and in a revelation, his father learned that he was being used as a cover-up for his lesbian wife, and as a result of this revelation, his father grabbed a revolver and shot his mother, got Raven in the arm as the two tried to flee, and ended up taking his own life out of grief. Raven and Qrow barely escaped with their own lives.

-The twins were found by the head of the local mafia of Rapture and their soon to be adoptive father. He raised the twins and trained them to kill. They would later on be the body guards for the children of two well regarded henchmen to the head of the mafia. Those children are Summer and Tai Yang.

-A few years later, the twins are all grow up long with the mafia children they protected, and they're all good friends. Eventually Tai and Raven get together. A drunken accident leads to Yang being born. Raven, not ready to be a mother, ends up taking on a bulk of head hunting work. Her absense leads to Tai finding solace in Summer. The two get married and bring Ruby into the world. Unlike his sister, Qrow is present for both girls, and is a rolemodel and parental figure to both of them.

-three years later, Raven is asked to escort Summer and Tai to a formal party being thrown by a major financial supporter of their mafia group. Qrow stays with the kids, and the parents are out enjoying themselves. The party ends up under attack by a rival gang, and by the end of it, only Tai makes it out. Raven is never found, and Summer goes missing as well, only turning up 3 weeks later in pieces, likely murdered by the rivals. Raven is still never found.

-Qrow and Tai take up the role of raising the girls together, both of them dealing with the grief of their missing loved ones.

-Yang is 17, and Ruby is 15 when the family of four are attacked by a group of highly trained mercenaries of which is lead by the once missing Raven. The four are handed over to a scientist in return for Raven getting a handsome sum of money. studying the affects of ADAM and plasmids. The four were experimented on.

-By the end of it, although having odd powers, Tai and and Qrow are the only ones to come out of it unscaved. Qrow manages to break free, using a rifle the scientis kept on hand to kill him, and free Tai of his imprisonment. The two men find Ruby and Yang. the girls aren't fairing well, having fallen into a zombie like state. They're morbidly disfigured by the experimentation, and are in great pain.

-Realizing the girls have no quality of life to look forward to, Qrow opts to do the most painful thing he could ever do, and that's to put the two girls out of their misery, but Tai fights him back, struggling with him for the gun, only when failing rushes over to the girls, sheilding them with his body.

-As Qrow tries to explain the gravity of the girls' situation to Tai and how it's the right thing to do or else they would suffer. This ends up not working. Instead the girls turn savage, and they end up tearing into Tai, ripping out his throat and intestines. Tai ends up dead. Seeing what happened to Tai as a result of letting the girls live, Qrow makes the painful decision to kill both of the girls.

-The after math of this event lead to Qrow's alcohol addiction. There was a short period of time in Qrow's grief where he attempted to track down Raven and to exact vengance for her betrayal, before finally realizing his attempts were futile, and eventually settling down and doing primarily bounty hunting for a living.

As for Raven? She's somewhere. No one knows what happened to her after that night. All that is known is that she was there when Summer was captured, and when she couldn't save her, she turned tail and ran out of fear of what would happen to her as a result. She only came back when she was in need of money, and when asking Tai for money proved futile, she resorted to more extreme measures. The selling of her own family to a less than ethical scientist.

Obviously this isn't very well written and there's a lot of details left out, but this isn't made to be a super detailed backstory it's a summary.

So this is Qrow if he were adapted to the Bioshock universe. Feel free to ask questions.

Additional Headcanons I forgot about when initially writing this:

-Qrow's tattoo is a memorial piece for his fallen loved ones. As of now, it consists of Yang, Tai, Ruby, and Summer, but Qrow does intend to extend the piece to include imagery that represents his mother.

#qrow rwby #rwby qrow #rwby #qrow branwen #qrow #uncle qrow #rwby fanart #rwby fanfiction

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unhingedselfships · 1 year ago

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More Yakuza!Kadokura KimiKura Songs

Coffin - PVLATINUM

“'Cause I'm about to spend a Month's pay on cocaine Fuck a bitch who got a boyfriend Spit in his face Take a motherfucking 9M to my brain Put my body in designer in my coffin”

Watch Me - Bludnymph

“Fives, tens, hundreds, ones Girls want cash, girls wanna have funds Getting drunk off your attention Stacks so long it make a girl run That's that shit that I love Throw it so fast you got a paper cut Bought out the club, now, it's just us Sip straight from the bottle like”

Mr. Dictator - Saint Motel

“Everybody tends to disagree On just how evil A single human being should ever be And all your bones they scream for more”

Pain Killer - Sickick

“Fuck your intervention I just want to feel your high I don't think I'm quitting Tell me you won't leave my side Nothing really matters You're all I need Nothing really matters But you and me”

Devil in Paradise - Cruel Youth

“I wanna be where the sun don't shine Where the birds don't sing and the kids don't smile They say, I saw the Devil in paradise I wanna be where the night is day Where the roses die and the thorns ain't fake And they say, I saw the Devil with a smiling face"

Hayloft - Mother Mother (Crypto, Jake Daniels cover)

“Young lovers and they are not sleeping Young lovers in the hayloft With his gun turned on, Pop went a-creeping Out to the barn, into the hayloft My daddy's got a gun”

Breathing Fire - BAD CHILD

“Where the time go, I don't know People come and people go, Stick around I'll keep you close Go ahead call it unconditional 'Cause we're fire breathers You're a violent creature 'Cause we're fire breathers Yeah, you know I need you”

Bodies - Bryce Fox

“I'm just bored trying to drown the anxiety Wanna see if you got somethin' ugly up in the psyche All I'm sayin' is we got two types of blood Tryna mix it up, is you afraid or what? I mean, away we go, are you gon' pass the love? I'm just diggin', are we on the same page or not? I mean, I'm like my past, I'm wasted”

Definition Forbidden - DNMO, Bijou Dream

“I don't even know your name yet Still, I am fixated Love the way you tell me what I want to hear Love the way you don't love me But still, hold me close without judging”

Sweet - Unlike Pluto, Mister Blonde

“I'm only sweet when I'm high In class, I learned to lie To pretty boys, to pass the time 'Cause I got that good shit, American pride Kiss the kids goodnight and take the Harley for a ride”

Montero - Lil Nas X (Rain Paris cover)

“Cocaine and drinking with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend I'm not fazed, only here to sin”

Fake - The Tech Thieves

“Please don't fake it, show me what you're all about I got wasted, learning how to let it out I can't take it, kiss me with the lips of doubt Please don't fake it, fake it, fake”

Demon Mode - Stileto, AViVA

“Went to Hell and met some friends You know, it's not that bad Cocktails and cigarettes For sins I don't regret”

Vicious - Bohnes

“She's a little bit twisted, little bit wild Little bit fucked up, that's my style Little bit ruthless, little bit raw Razorblade tucked inside of her bra Lovin' that pain, she roughin' me up Guess I do too cause I'm stupid in love”

Roses - SAINt JHN (Banks Arcade cover)

“Turn up baby, turn up, when I turn it on You know how I get too lit when I turn it on Can't handle my behavior when I turn it on Too fast, never ask, if the life don't last, done been through it all”

Maraschino Love - EZI

“Your lips, a sugar rush Like candy on my tongue Once I got a taste, I couldn't stop Wanted every drop, give me all you got I'll sip you out the bottle, you're so sweet like cherry pop Was like, Oh my God, my new favorite drug You go down like liquid velvet, maraschino love”

Heart Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand) - Marilyn Manson

“And I don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles If I could stick to you and you stick me, too Just don't break, don't break my heart And I won't break your heart shaped glasses”

Borderline - Tove Lo

“Good people do bad things too Pretend they don't know, but they do It takes one to know your mind You and me we are one of a kind, it's true I like to feel my bones when they crash into my heart I like the taste of blood when you're tearing me apart I like to push you to the edge as long as you say you're mine”

Mary on a Cross - Ghost

“But through all the sorrow We were riding high And the truth of the matter is I never let you go, let you go We were scanning the cities Walking to greater dues But besides all the glamour All we got was bruised”

Desperado - Rihanna

“Desperado Sitting in a old Monte Carlo A man whose heart is hollow, uh Take it easy I'm not tryna go against you Actually, I'm going withcha Gotta get up out of here and You ain't leaving me behind”

#yakkimi #playlist #yakuza!kadokura #kimikura

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zorilleerrant · 6 months ago

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Okay, okay, gonna find a ship you have opinions about. Bruce/Clark and Bruce/Talia

Bruce/Talia!!! You've hit it! One of my HUGE NoTPs!!! The problem I have with them is that like... the canon content is so racist. (And sexist also, but that's almost secondary.) She's a stereotypical Oriental Princess who needs to be rescued from her violent barbaric dad by a Nice White Man... it's a classic adventure novel trope, and I hate it there, and I hate it in canon. No matter how much people try to change it around and fix it to make it romantic again, it always has those roots, and that will always taint it for me. (Leaving aside Grant's decisions, which I actually really liked, because at least they let the Oriental Princess be active in her own sex life.)

The bigger problem is that... I like Talia as a villain. I don't want her to have a redemption arc. I want her to be pragmatic and ruthless and only be able to care about Damian in a way that's secondary to her wildly ambitious goal of fixing the whole planet single-handedly. I want her to be a dictator. I want her to go too far. I don't want her to be stopped, or fixed, or saved: I want her to embody rage and the desire not to let other people do things wrong all the time even when you give them really clear directions. I like her as a character who has good ideals but does terrible things in service of them - someone who's potentially a good person, but definitely a bad mother and a bad hero and a bad love interest.

Most people who ship them just make Talia secretly nice or a victim or she just changes sides automatically. And I hate that because I want her to be evil. There's a lot more to it if they have conflicting goals AND methodology AND morals that could be interesting, except everyone tries to resolve it to make them get along and have, like, a healthy relationship, which is awful. And even when they do make it toxic, no one wants to explore the aftermath of her assaulting Bruce, which would definitely come up if they got back together, and would be a very tense kind of drama to dig into, whether they end up getting back together or not.

Another part is that it's just much more interesting to me if Damian's parents are divorced. Like. That's a normal Kid Problem for him to have! Everything else in his life is intense, dramatic, over the top stuff to deal with, but this? He's just like 'I wish my mom and dad were in love and they did normal family things with me' and it's SO good there's so much potential there for how he can and can't relate to his peers with the exact same problem.

Anyway Bruce/Clark is something I find a lot of good art and fic about, so I share it, but I'm. Um. Neutral....

#look i said something #shipping ask game

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bigavidmostallsportsfansaftyco · 11 months ago

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charismaticwritiholic · 11 months ago

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The Call of the Betrayed

A few centuries ago, we thought our society was normal. We thought wars and drug addictions were normal. We thought having leaders and dictators was normal, when it wasn’t, and we still think it is even now in the year 2201. Now time flies faster than you would know. We have better technology and even found a cure for cancer. We destroyed nuclear bombs, guns, and anything you could think of that would hurt a human. You may think this life is better. Now you may think your life sucks or why can’t the leader of your time reach this potential. But in all honesty, I would prefer any other life.

In 2183 our leaders got together in a meeting to discuss some significant changes to our world. They fought for what was right and for justice. We thought they were fighting for freedom and peace. Until one day that all changed.

Suddenly rumors started spreading about the leaders lying about fighting for us and our injustices. Lying to us about our freedom and rights. Lying about destroying everything that could ever harm us. Though the government quickly shut the rumors down it was already too late. Too many people had learned the truth about these horrible men.

Soon after, cities and towns started to burn. Children screaming, fathers and mothers trying to save their family. The world falling apart in seconds. The cries of children being burned to the ground. The scream of mothers, trying to find their lost children, their husbands holding them back. No one knew their children were gone. The world was never going to be perfect but, to destroy all the arduous work and progress was brutal and cruel.

Days and nights after were filled with sorrow and sadness. While the rain of the cries of families poured, roses were placed at burial sites for lost ones.

I had lost everyone I knew and loved. From friends to family, no one had survived but me. I went to find my parent’s grave. Which was hard to find due to the fact that at least 2 million people probably died. When I got to the grave, something happened that astonished me. I saw them, they seemed perfectly fine, unfazed, like nothing happened. The issue is it felt like they were alive, but it couldn’t be possible due to the fact; I watched them burn in the ruthless flames with their screams of agony and fear still haunting me.

{No w-why is this happening to the world.

“I'm sorry sweetheart what day is it?” A kind elderly woman asks.

"Oh! The day is April 14th, 2201." I excitedly replied. Today was exciting because exactly two months from now I would be 15! I know I'm quite young to be excited, but I'm always excited about the new chapters that life has to offer. You would never think anything bad could happen. The world was peaceful at last. No more wars, fighting, nothing. Life was always crazy before the leaders got together but now; I have a really bad feeling about this. Like something bad is bound to happen. All of a sudden, a flame rose from the ground below.

“FIRE!” One screamed.

“HELP MY CHILDREN ARE STUCK INSIDE BURNING TO DEATH!” Another screamed. And just like that, the city was in chaos.

“MOTHER, FATHER!” I cried as I got to my house only to see it up in flames “SWEETIE SAVE YOURSELF!” I heard from the cries of agony. Just as I was about to see them run out the door of the home that once used to be filled with love, crashed, and burnt into the ashes of my enemies.}

They seemed saddened when they looked around at the rubble and decay that laid in their way. For a quick second they stood quietly then, went to the rose that I placed down for them. What I saw next, I could never describe in full detail but, they had pulled something from the rose. As they drew the object from the rose it looked like a shard of glass when it glistened in the sun. After they threw it on the ground as if a weight was lifted off their shoulders, and faded away into the darkness. The shining object started to draw me closer. When I get to the item, I grab hold of it and pull it from the ground and saw that it was a dagger.

The metal glistering in the sun with blood dripping down the blade. On the blade of the dagger, I saw an engraving. It said Avenge the Betrayed I picked up my bag of belongings and decided to set off. I walked through the crowd of mourning families. Let’s just say it was no easy job. Families were shoulder to shoulder with each other weeping. Mothers breaking down at the sight of their children’s graves. Fathers trying to comfort the mourning children who had just lost their mother and/or sibling. Nothing felt normal anymore. Nothing will be normal anymore. Nothing is normal anymore.

Life will and shall never be the same. People will be mourning all day until they must go. Everyone in despair. Mothers wishing, they could take their children's place in death. I wish the crying would JUST STOP! I WANT ALL OF IT TO STOP! MY LIFE IS RUINED BY THEM! EVERYONE'S LIFE IS RUINED BECAUSE OF THEM! I just wish I could freeze time. Can I... just once? I want this life to freeze. I can't be crying right now. I need to fix this. I NEED to help. I NEED TO SURVIVE!

When I finally got through the crowd, I tied the dagger to the buckle of my bag, hoping to find some spare leather around to make a covering for it. I started toward the debris when my senses awaken to the mass destruction. The tall buildings that once reached the sky were now faded into intoxicating darkness. As I glance around, I remember the trees that once reached high up in the sky.

As I walk on the corrupted path, I watch as the light fades from the sky. The silence; no screams, cries, or words of hate to the leaders. Silence can be beautiful but right now it's heartbreaking. Why couldn't it be me. Why as I scream it to the sky. "WHY NOT ME, WHY COULDN'T I DIE INSTEAD OF THEM!" Why did I have to survive? Why didn't I go and try to save them? Should I just stop this journey and go back to the torture they created for us. No, I can't, I made an oath when I took the dagger. And I swore I would avenge them, even if I die.

As I kept walking, I started to feel a burning sensation. I picked up my dagger as a reflection to see what happen and what happened is that during the fire my face had been burnt. It doesn't seem awfully bad, but I should go find a lake or something to clean it to the best of my ability. It is very hard to damage water except if you put toxic waste into it but still the leaders use it for drinking water; they would be stupid to do so though. Right?

Walking on the path, I started to stumble. Like I was about to faint. Everything got blurry. I looked down to see I was BLEEDING!?! Right next to where I was bleeding was my dagger. I must have punctured myself when I was tying my dagger. And this is why I need to find leather. No wonder why I felt a cold chill earlier. One step, two step. One step, two step. One step, two step. One step, two step. One step, two step. One step, two step. Until...

I find a body of water and kneel to clean my face. As I bring the water up to my face, I hear someone yell “STOP!” Moments later I find myself underwater drowning. I feel this person strangling the fuck out of me. A few minutes go by, and my eyes start to feel heavy. As they close without my permission, I see a glimpse of their face.

#writing #The Call of the Betrayed #story #original story #fiction #looking for feedback #short story

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mysticstarlightduck · 2 years ago

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It's Worldbuilding Wednesday, my dudes!

What are the common religions in your world? What are some of the obscure ones? Does a god or a pantheon of gods actually exist in your world?

Happy Worldbuilding Wednesday! Thank you for the Ask, @jasperygrace! 💕

I loved these questions, (even though they might be a little difficult to answer lol)!

What are the common religions in your world? What are some of the obscure ones? Does a god or a pantheon of gods actually exist in your world?

Agrannor has many religions. In the Free Realms, the majority of the kingdoms believe in a variation of the First Gods, though each kingdom puts its own twist to it and has its local god or goddess that is most worshipped. For example, in Kestrall, a kingdom of mighty warriors and dragon riders nestled atop a snow-bitten mountain range, the most worshipped goddess is First Goddess Atreyya mother of all warriors, the symbol of victory, ruthlessness in battle, and fertility. Meanwhile, in Vellamere, the coastal city of brave seafarers and sprawling markets, the favored gods are Nastrae and Eirlys, the twin guardians of the seafarers and protectors of the ocean tides, as well as symbols of good luck, prosperous wealth, and fair business. And so on!

Though the creed of the First Gods is by far the most common religion in the Free Realms, there are still many other, smaller ones that are relevant to the story:

The Ways of Old Magic: It is the way of life often practiced by the Mageborn people in Agrannor. While it is not exactly a religion as it is more an overall belief towards the world/way of life and has no gods, the Ways of Old Magic dictate that pure magic is present in everything around them, as well as within their blood. According to it, one must learn to respect the magic itself, as it is the force that creates everything that is, before being able to control it.

The Code of Ellerin/Ellerin's Code: The most common religion among the elven people, it believes in the power of the spirits of the noble founders of the elven civilization. The code was written by the last founder, named Ellerin. Despite not having roots in Fae beliefs, the Autumn Lady and the Fae King (important figures from Faery Lore) are also prominent figures in the elvish beliefs and lore.

The nomadic human tribes that travel across Agrannor have their own set of beliefs and their own religion, usually based upon figures from their cultural lore. They believe in the spirits of nature and the elements. Songs are highly important to this religion and the traditions within it

The Storm Isles believe in a very alternative variation of the creed to the First Gods from Agrannor, with most of the gods receiving alternative names in the local dialect and even different lore. Some of the locals also believe in Alannahri, a figure that is thought to have been borrowed from Merfolk culture - a mythical master of the tides, the unpredictable mother of the monsters from the depths of the sea, the merciful judge of souls but also a ruthless spirit of justice and revenge.

In the Morosyn Empire...

Many generations ago, the Temple of Radiance allied itself to the then-young Morosyn Empire, joining forces with it to conduct the First Hunt - a brutal act that destroyed the elven cities after blood magic and the last pure Sources of ancient magic. The Temple of Radiance started out as a religion in the Free Realms, but its alliance with the Morosyn Empire caused it to fall drastically in popularity amidst the Free Realms, especially after the temple's brutal act of war against the elves. Soon enough, it became a religion restricted solely to the Morosyn Empire (where it became the official religion after its popularity boomed in the Empire). It has some followers in the Free Realms, but those are scarce and very rare. Now, the Temple not only provides the main religion of the Empire, but it is responsible for the training of an elite force of "hallowed warriors" called the Radiant Hunters, who are the Emperor's personal weapon against any lowborn with mage or elven descent. Unlike most of the Agrannorian religions, it is very strict and often leads to some strong fanaticism among its believers.

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the-copycat-hero · 4 months ago

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not done screaming about this and Now I Must Yap

100% of this kicked my ass, but i wanna focus on the conversation between Hiromi and Aizawa at the moment, because by god, is the conflict between them PEAK.

on the one hand, we have Aizawa. he has been there for Monoma - serving as a mentor immediately before the war and a foundation of strength and comfort during it - but he is also, at the end of the day, the one that concocted the plan that put Monoma in such immense danger in the first place. up until the final battle, Aizawa had only ever been vaguely acquainted with Monoma (categorizing him as "one of Vlad's students" or "a suitable babysitter for Eri, in a pinch"), but after the trauma that they faced together, i have no doubt that Aizawa firmly moved him into the category of "one of my horrible children." and, after failing to protect him when it mattered most, it's understandable why Aizawa would feel such an intense need to fight for him now.

on the other hand, we have Hiromi. sure, she hasn't been there for Monoma the way that she should have been, but she is his mother. she cares about him so much - even if she's been utterly abysmal at showing it - and upon realizing that she actually could have lost him, it's perfectly natural that she would want to do anything in her power to make sure that she never runs the risk of losing him again. but asking him to compromise his dream for her comfort? it's selfish. it's selfish and self-serving, and it's the exact thing that her husband's family did to her. they crushed her dreams because it was convenient for them, and it turned her into someone harsh and cold and ruthless. if she forced Monoma to leave UA, she would just be perpetuating the cycle.

both of them have contributed to hurting Monoma in a way that will fundamentally change him forever. but while Aizawa is able to acknowledge what he has done and work towards absolution by supporting Monoma's dreams, Hiromi is solely dictated by her own fear. she claims to be "protecting" Monoma, but in reality she's preparing to stifle him so that she can preserve her own peace of mind. (but this is her son. this is her son, and he fought in a war, and he almost disappeared for good. can you blame her?)

just. AAAHHHHHHH.

Long ass story, the post finally arrives! @the-copycat-hero

On the same road that a young boy takes on their way to his friend's house is a hospital. A hospital that is always busy with someone to help, so busy that the people occupying their rooms tend to blur together.

And even in the absence of the boy and the house that gave a roof to the wonderful family of the boy's friend, the hospital still stood on that road. The hospital with so many rooms, one couldn't count them without getting mixed up and turned around.

But in the mix of madness, hidden in the blur of the patients, was room 4307. The room that held a great tragedy and a great miracle of one person experienced and seen by no one before.

When passing by room 4307, the voices of several teenaged students could be heard.

A knock on the room door grabbed the attention of the three students, and the door opened to reveal a familiar scruffy man, with the most droopy red eye, constant annoyed expression, and long black hair to frame his face, perfectly signaling his "do not talk to me" vibe. Except now this man was a caring teacher, checking up on his after-mortem student.

"He should be free to leave in another week, if the doctors decide he's recovering well and it's safe for him to walk, train, study, the whole shebang." Aizawa-sensei answered the question the students hadn't known he'd heard.

"Now," he continued, not waiting for any of them to reply, "I understand you two are worried reps, but Monoma's got a few other visitors today."

Taking the hint, Shoda and Kendo said their goodbyes and exited the hospital room.

Monoma rested his chin on his hand and groaned to the teacher, "You sure know how to clear a room Teach, but they really couldn't have stuck around for a few doctors visits?" Monoma never needed to say just how much he loves his classmates and wants to be with them, but he always pushes sneaks it into a conversation anyways.

"Oh it's not just doctors."

Monoma was confused. The last he checked, none of his classmates were allowed to visit him because of his condition- Kendo and Shoda having special permission that Vlad-sensei fought for under the guise that they're his class reps.

A figure emerged into the doorway that Monoma hadn't realized was still open. A figure of long blonde hair and pale skin, who's dark green eyes were too faraway to be in the body of a caring mother, visiting her living son.

"Neito." She said loud enough so that he could hear with his very limited hearing. It wasn't unnatural to her to speak like that, she had to do the same thing growing up with her mother with the same hearing loss as her son.

But now she had to do it so her son would know she was there, not just what she was saying.

"Oh." is all he could find within him to say. Aizawa looked between the two before leaving with a quick note that he would check on Monoma later.

The woman stood in the doorway for a few moments, looking around the hospital room; the iv, the monitors, and every piece of furniture had more eye contact with her than Monoma did.

"I wasn't expecting you to visit."

The simple sentence struck her out of her stupor, looking at him almost offendedly.

"You've been in the hospital almost a week, after being dead for days. You just fought in a war and are expected to skip back over to school, and you didn't think I would visit?" Her voice raised a little as she continued talking and walked a little closer to his bed.

Monoma thought of 100 things to say to her, none of them nice, but instead he looked back at the doorway with all his might to see the blurry sliding door closed. No one else was expected to enter.

"I see dad isn't with you." Monoma tried to meet his mother's eyes, his words carrying another message: if he can't be bothered to visit, why should I expect you either?

His mother took a sharp inhale and squeezed her eyes shut. "Your father- he..." they both knew she had nothing good to say.

"He has nothing to do with me. I'm so happy you're okay." She said with such tenderness you could believe that it came from a caring mother.

Monoma wanted nothing more that to believe her- she had no reason to lie- but he couldn't stop his stupid mouth from talking. "Yeah I bet you no longer have to worry about fighting over who has to deal with the funeral services."

Monoma couldn't see it, but her face cringed for a moment, just a moment, where she looked guilty.

Despite his blindness, her silence spoke volumes and Monoma knew exactly what that meant.

"You didn't...”

"Neito I-"

YOU SERIOUSLY FOUGHT OVER THAT?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW CRAZY THAT IS??"

"I know, but I do care about you Neito- that was just-"

"Oh yes, the love and care I feel." Monoma usually had a better handle on his emotions, but at the moment he really didn't care how he was acting, he just wanted his mother gone.

"I DO-" the woman who was practically foreign to her son stopped as she realized she was shouting, and finally walked up to his bed to cup his face and spoke in a quieter voice.

"I do care about you. I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I haven't been able to make you believe that. And I promise, I will do what I can to make sure you're safe." The emphasis on safe made Monoma nervous.

"What do you mean safe?"

She let go of Monoma and backed up just a little bit, still making eye contact. "I'm taking you out of UA."

Monoma felt his blood run cold and his heart drop. "... what?"

"Neito, look around. Look at you!" She waved her hands around frantically before gesturing at her bedridden son. "Is this really the life you want for yourself? To be getting injured all the time? To die on a battlefield?" Her voice rose the more she spoke and this time she didn't try to lower it.

Monoma didn't know what to think, what to say. All words died in his mouth. When he was a kid, all he wanted was for his parents to pay attention to him, to care about him- and now he was getting that in the worst way possible.

"I am not leaving 1-B." Monoma said slowly

His mother looked aghast. "Those people got you killed and you want to go back?"

"What the hell did you expect when you convinced dad to let me be a hero? Did you think I was just going to sit on my ass-"

"Language, I am your mothe-"

"AND DO nothing!? My life is always going to be on the line. And YOU agreed to that when you let me be a hero."

His mother stared at him for several moments before speaking up again, much quieter than before to where Monoma could barely hear her, "Well I'm taking that back. I'm sorry Neito."

They stood in silence until they heard the door slide open again, a doctor and Aizawa on the other side.

"Pardon us," the doctor said, "Are we interrupting?"

Monoma's mother quickly broke eye contact with her son to address the doctor, "No, I was just about to head out. Pardon me if I stole important time from you doctor.”

"Oh you can stay if you’d like, it's just a check up and typically parents stay with their kids during these." The doctor clearly didn't understand the situation.

"It's just a check up right? She doesn't need to stay." Monoma stared back at his mother with a look telling her to get out.

Before she left she announced, "I'll be back tomorrow." And left with a nod.

Aizawa eyed her until she was out of sight and snapped his attention to Monoma, but said nothing.

The next day, true to her promise, "Mrs." Monoma made her way into the hospital that her son had been staying at for the past week and a half.

Her heels clacked on the tile floor as she started to make her way up to his room before hearing a man's voice from behind her.

"Ah, Mrs. Monoma."

She turned around to find the owner of the voice was the scroungy man who was next to the doctor yesterday. A teacher, she remembered, but his name...

"Hello. You're one of Neito's teachers, yes?" She didn't bother with reaching out a hand to shake, she didn't want to formalize with a man who helped kill her son.

"Aizawa Shouta, Mrs. Monoma. We haven't properly met."

"Well, now we have. If you don't mind me, I'm going to visit my son- who is hospitalized." Monoma said shortly, a soupcon of resentment in her voice, as she turned around and started to walk away.

Aizawa didn't try to stop her but continued talking. "Your son is actually a topic I wanted to discuss with you. We've been informed that you plan to remove him from the hero course and UA entirely, whether he wants it or not."

Monoma stopped in her tracks and whipped around, "Yes well, sometimes people make decisions for others without asking their permission. It's how things get done." She slowly walked towards the audacious man, her voice etched with discontent. "It's what UA saw fit to do when they shipped off our children to war with little regard on if they'd come home to us."

The mother stood in front of Aizawa with a face of anger and her voice a threatening whisper, “Now you may see my actions as paranoid, or stringent, but I am doing what is best for him and one day he will understand that. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow or next week, but this is the decision I have made and he will just have to deal with it.”

Aizawa understood where she was coming from. The hero commission demanded that everyone with a hero license were to fight, and no parents were made aware of this in case there was an uproar in reaction. Illogical, in his opinion- and look how that decision landed.

But as much as Aizawa understood and agreed with this mother's anger, he came here for a reason. "I completely understand your decision. However, your son loves being at this school, and being with his classmates. His homeroom teacher has reported that he's been much happier as the school year went on and Neito finds a lot of comfort in his friends here. If you were to take him out-"

"YOU GET NO SAY IN WHAT IS GOOD FOR MY SON'S WELLBEING." Monoma suddenly shouted as she stuck an accusative finger in Aizawa's chest, "BECAUSE OF YOUR IDEA OF "SUPERVISION", NEITO IS STUCK IN A HOSPITAL BED FOR THREE WEEKS. HE HAS A DEATH CERTIFICATE. I WOULD RATHER NEITO HAVE A LIFE AWAY FROM UA THAN NO LIFE AT ALL." She took in a shaky breath and lowered her arm to her side, body tense and unmoving.

The air was thick as silence followed the mother's shouts. Then suddenly, Aizawa lowered his body in a bow and spoke in acquiesce.

"You're right. It was my job to keep your son safe and I failed. Because of my failure as a hero and a caretaker- you, your son, and all his classmates have gone through a terrible experience and I cannot offer enough condolences and apologies to erase your pain, as much as I wish I could." Aizawa paused for a moment, clearly pensive and radiating sorrow. He kept his bow low and respectful and took a deep breath before making his request, "But despite what has happened, Neito still wishes to be a hero. He wants to continue his educational journey here at UA, and he wants to continue his life alongside his friends in class 2-B."

"So please, do not take away Neito's dream because of our shortcomings."

Monoma looked at the pleading teacher as if she had been turned upside-down. Working her entire career in the modeling industry and then at her husbands company, an actual remorseful apology was rare, and was certainly not expected from the "heroes" entrusted with her son's life and had messed up horrendously. She felt ambivalent staring at this man with an eye patch and a metal leg, realizing that those are from trying. This man had truly tried to protect her son and might have even given his life to protect him.

But all she could think was her son having the same fate- missing limbs and appendages, failing to save people and feeling sorrow and despair. Her heart wouldn't be able to take that.

"I can't... I can't do that to myself, or my son." She spoke slowly and low, her voice thick. "Have a good day." A clear end to the conversation and Aizawa watched as the woman turned and walked away, making her way to her son's hospital room.

As Mrs Monoma started to open the hospital door, she stopped at the sound of two distressed teenage shouts coming from the room.

"WHAT?!"

Through the small opening she had made through the door, she watched a short, round faced boy with light blue hair and a taller muscular redhead girl converse with Neito.

"She's taking you out of UA?" The boy said.

"She can't do that- I mean, this has been your dream for years and-" the distressed girl spoke quickly but Neito managed to cut her off.

"I know..." He held his hand up to motion the girl to stop, "But I don't think there's anything I can do. She sounded pretty ready to take me out."

Seeing the dejected look on Neito's face made his mother so upset to see. She knew that he didn't like this decision but that's what is best for him... right?

The boy sat down on one of the chairs next to the hospital bed and sat in thought, his eyebrows knit together. "And you're sure there's no way of convincing her?"

Neito's voice broke as he spoke, "I... I don't know." He brought his legs towards his chest, something the doctors definitely wouldn't approve but Neito showed no pain.

The redhead girl gripped onto the end of the bed and was practically shaking in anger. "Why does she care?" She whispered.

Mrs Monoma felt offended by the outrageous question, but there was something tugging on the back of her mind, a blurry memory of someone with red hair.

The round faced boy looked at the girl like she was suddenly someone unfamiliar.

"Well, any worried parent might do this, we should've expected it. I mean," he let out a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, "I'm surprised Midoriya's still enrolled."

"But it's not like she's ever cared before." The girl let out an aggravated breath, "Now she just- appears out of nowhere and-"

"Kendo." The boy interrupted, "there's no point in getting all mad over it, Monoma's the only one who gets a say in what to do."

At the mention of the girl's name, the memory snapped to the front of her mind, and Mrs Monoma remembered a little redhead girl at her door, along with an older boy who looked similar to the girl, saying she was Neito's friend. The boy introduced the two of them as the Kendo's who lived a few blocks away.

Neito, still curled in on himself, just shrugged and mumbled something.

This "Kendo" seemed to have heard him and suddenly reached out her hands and held his face- much more aggressively than Mrs Monoma recalled having done just the day before, but Neito looked less tense with her. No, not quite "less tense", he was just comfortable. Comfortable with her, and not his own mother.

"No-" Kendo started, "no it is not okay, and we are not going to let her take you out of UA."

"But what-" he started to argue.

"You love it here don't you?" The girl interrupted. Neito stared at her for a second, surprised by the question, before letting out a small 'yeah'. "Then we are not going to let her take you out."

The hidden mother sucked in a small breath at that. How could he love it there? Regardless of any happy memories, they had gotten him killed. They couldn't guarantee his safety anymor-

They already couldn't guarantee his safety for a while.

She remembered hearing about the USJ attack, and when they were attacked at camp. She'd thought about how dangerous it was, and glad that Neito was okay, but she'd never thought to take him out over it. She barely even thought to call. She didn't care when they insisted on housing him- and all the other students.

UA had been a danger for a long time- all the more reason to take him out now.

The girl was half on the bed after reaching out to Neito, but was too focused on his face to notice or move, "You have wanted to be a hero for YEARS, and I won't let anyone take that dream from you, you hear me?"

The other boy spoke up as well, "Yeah, we'll all be right there with you, just give us the word."

Neito looked between his two classmates and his eyes became glossy. Kendo noticed and crawled on the bed to hug him.

The moment was silent as the two sat on the bed in a tight hug before Neito whispered:

"I like being at UA."

"I know Monoma."

"I don't want to leave."

"I know, we won't let you."

"I don't want to change my life, I like it now."

Kendo said nothing but squeezed him tighter.

...

....

"I don't want to change" the words rung in her ears. The woman behind the door felt as if she couldn't breathe, breath became irrelevant, unimportant to the mind of this woman. "I don't want to change," how many times had those words echoed in her head in passing thought. How many hours had she stayed in bed, wishing she hadn't changed herself for a faux man, who spoke empty promises. How many years of her life was wasted away because she allowed others to decide her life.

Hiromi no longer felt that she was standing on a hospital floor, or that she was standing at all. Everything felt lost, that she was floating in everything her life was, floating in nothing.

Hiromi? When was she last called her name. She wasn't Hiromi anymore, she was a Monoma. That's who she had been for the last 17 years of her life. That's all she was.

Is this how Neito would feel when he was in his adult years? Had he already reached his adult years? He just fought in a war, did he really still feel like a child? Could he?

Mrs. Monoma found herself sitting on the floor, clutching onto the chair next to her, but she couldn't feel the grip, couldn't feel the cool tile floors. She couldn't feel anything. Everything was lost- her life was lost, the man she fell in love with was lost, her son was lost, her beautiful sister was lost, the wedding of her dreams was lost, the cozy home she dreamed of filled with laugher and love was lost, what else? What else was ripped away from her, what else had she chosen to throw away in exchange for a life she didn't want, hadn't desired. When had this happened.

She felt as if she turned around and everything was suddenly gone. But she knew it wasn't true, she could feel the pathway of her life crumbling as she walked for years. She's cried so many nights as she felt the unsteady cracks catch at her heels and make her trip, scratches and bruises appearing in every single place, later replaced by scars, scars replacing every single part of her, leaving her nothing of the same person she once was, the giddy and ebullient woman who loved the world despite it's battles. She was now cold and emotionless, broken by the world, by her world, and breaking everything else in the process.

And yet still she walked, on a cracking, breaking, spiraling road, because what else is she supposed to do? What other road is there to go? There's nothing left, every other road she had was destroyed with her own hands till nothing else was left, nothing to fix the road, nothing to know the road even existed, except maybe a shared name or a picture, but even those are cracked and freyed, erased and thrown out.

Over the years she worked and worked, trying to appease her in-laws, trying to wash out her emotions and everything she loved in order to be taken more seriously. And for what? To become "Mrs Monoma"? "Mrs" "Monoma". That's all she was, a Monoma wife. A wife to that slimy, stinking, rotten man that can't even stick up for his WIFE, the woman he CHOSE to love, chose to MARRY- instead it was left up to her to to go against those foul people, and look how good she was at that. Left with a son she didn't want, a house she didn't want, a job she didn't want, a husband she didn't want, a title she didn't want- a "Mrs. Monoma"

Mrs Monoma

"Mrs." "Mrs." "Mrs." Was all they ever called her.

What about Hiromi? When was the last time someone ever called her by her name? When was the last time she talked to someone who called her that?

"Mrs." Oh it was all she ever heard anymore, "Mrs" "Mrs" "Mrs-

"Miss?!" Hiromi felt someone gently grab her shoulders and lightly shake her, knocking her out of her stupor.

Suddenly she could feel the cool tile floor underneath her, the grip her hand had on the chair next to her. It felt as if all of her senses came back in an instant and immediately short circuited, the lights blinding her, the ringing sound in her ears making it hard to hear what the nurse next to her was saying.

Hiromi's eyes focused on the woman and let her ears slowly stop ringing to let the nurse's voice into her head.

"Ma'am are you alright?"

"Ah, yes yes I'm fine." Hiromi put a hand on her head as if suffering a headache. "Got lightheaded for a moment is all."

"We should get you some place to lay down and some water." The kind nurse helped her up but Hiromi stepped away from her.

"Oh no I'm quite fine now, I'm just visiting my son and I'll be leaving."

The nurse knit her brows together and cautiously reached for the woman's arm. "It's dangerous to shrug off dizzy spells, do you have them frequently?"

Hiromi could recall a few after a good many hours of staring at her computer screen, or working long hours of calls, meetings, reviewing products, writing papers, and other grueling tasks- but those were caused by overworking herself. This was fine, she was fine.

"No, I don't, I am completely fine. Thank you." She began to reach for the door next to her as the nurse continued to reach for her arm, when the door suddenly opened and two high school students were on the other end.

"Oh." Kendo stared Mrs. Monoma with no attempt to hide her surprise that the woman has visited.

Hiromi knew there were many things she should say to this girl, many apologies and many thanks. But at the moment, she didn't care to do any of it; she walked past the two children and walked right for Neito.

"Miss I really do think you should sit down-" the nurse shouted but Hiromi didn't care. She kept walking towards her son and reached her arms out surround him in a stuffing hug. Probably the fist hug she's given him since he got into UA.

Neito squeaked at suddenly getting pulled into a hug, especially since he had no idea what was happening, having little vision and little hearing. But he was a smart one, from what little he heard, what he could feel, and who had yet to visit him, Neito could reasonably deduce that it was his mother hugging him.

Reasonably.

But… why was she hugging him? Monoma tried to look over where his mother had stomped over from to gain some context.

He could see a blurry figure that looked unlike his classmates walk closer and speak loud enough that he could hear her worried tone, before she suddenly stopped as Monoma could feel his mother say something, although his head was swimming so much he couldn't discern what it was.

The arms around him squeezed him tighter for a moment and Monoma could hear his mother's voice.

"I'm sorry."

Monoma could barely understand his mother. He could hear her, but what she said made no sense. Why was she apologizing? What stirred her so much that she was apologizing?

His thoughts cut off when he heard a sniffle, and his mother moved a hand to hold his head.

"I'm sorry." She said again but in a much wobblier voice.

It felt like had time stopped, the two stuck there like statues- unmoving and unbound by time. The only movement was Monoma shifting a hand to complete the hug. He held his mother and he held on tight: an action he had wanted to do for so long.

Monoma felt like a child, holding onto his mom as she hugged him tight. It felt childish to admit that the whole time he had been cooped up in the hospital, a small piece of him wanted to hug his mother. It felt dumb too.

Neito was never close with either of his parents, his mom felt estranged to him. But in that moment everything felt...

Right. Like two pieces of a puzzle finally connected. Neito wanted nothing more than to just stay there with his mom. For a moment, for a year, for forever- it didn't matter- he just wanted to stay right there.

#i wanna yap about how they feel about each other later but rn ive got a canucks game to watch #monoma death au #this fic rewrote my brain chemistry

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