#my more personal art wouldnt be treated in the same way

[ooctlt]

I really like this blog most of the time, but sometimes you take reasonable earnest asks that are trying to be thoughtful, and are such a dick about it.

Like if it's the characters being dicks, fine. But you could say something in the tags or post to indicate you're not just viciously mocking someone for trying to engage.

I still haven't submitted an ask since seeing your response that led to comments along the lines of "anon should go die in a hole" for asking, pretty reasonably, why harrow would want to stay with people she didn't seem to like or want to be around or interact with.

(i know, because she does like them and does want them around but doesn't know how to show it) but it's an ASK blog. How do we hear that from her unless someone ASKS

i understand it might be surprising and a bit hurtful to see an ask answered with the characters being mean/flippant, and for that i do apologize that it wasnt made clear that it would be a common thing in this blog. id like to issue the disclaimer: there is always the possibility that the characters here will not take your question well. they might answer rudely, and instigating behavior is not only encouraged but expected on both ends. this does not reflect my personal opinions as the artist; there are over 250 asks even after i constantly compile duplicates, and i will answer the asks that i personally like.

i will assume you are referencing the two most recent posts where gideon acts rudely and i repost an old panel: for the former i thought anon was really sweet for being so heartfelt and encouraging, but gideon isnt the kind of person who needs to be told shes brave for doing that by a stranger. it was a simple act of survival. and harrow is still very much in the passive deprogramming phase. the latter response was meant to kickstart (spoilers) what i will call the "dicks last resort" arc, where i clean out the inbox and share more simple, low effort, but potentially rude responses*. this is because i have roughly drawn almost daily for 87 days straight, and would like to recuperate without being burnt out because i love this blog and i love art.

this leads me to my next point: some of these answers will be curt and short and rude, because they are easy to draw. if i only prioritized the "good" asks or to make certain ask responses kinder, or longer, it wouldnt be a daily blog. it would be a monthly blog where 5 asks get answered among 100s. i didnt anticipate people asking about harrows piercings, and i considered shutting it down by just having harrow say she likes them etc. but i did want to give more insight into harrows character even if she wouldnt say so herself, and that took roughly 3 full unemployed nights. if i treated every ask in good faith the same way i wouldnt have time for anything else, because they take more effort and have to be seriously considered for the future. i can retcon their favorite ice cream or play off griddlehark fighting - it takes more to keep track of a narrative about people talking Around their issues

* by rude responses i mean "this will affect the 679ers negatively, much like making your sim 🧑‍🤝‍🧑➖➖ someone" there are a few asks planned to hurt in the same way one drafts a bad end in a visual novel, and this type of interaction is encouraged. of course if you dont want them to get worse dont send asks telling gideon she should flirt with MILFs (you cant send this ask now i already said it), but i encourage the banter.

TL;DR this is the "characters think you are weird for personal questions" blog. i am sorry i didnt warn of the ask-response banter, because i also enjoy drawing these characters being dicks. i do like when aggravation and conflict leads to character development. "how do we get earnest answers unless someone asks" sometimes you will never explicitly get that from them, and thats what the dead ends are for: to let you know to try something else and read between the lines

[marlesbian]

How i perceive Sirius Black

Starting with the basics

- gay he loved men

- genderfluid

- graysexual

- androginy THEY ARE ANDROGINY

- any pronouns (preference for using different pronouns in the same sentence)

- Has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and ADHD

- french/east easian/plain white idk i like these 3 hcs

- 1,78m tall (told everyone was 1,80m)

- Sirius was trained in ballroom dancing, piano, violin and had etiquette lessons as a child. Speaks French, English, German and Russian. She can play almost any instrument tbh.

- Loved to paint, write poetry and draw. (drew mostly on black and grey). Sirius also kept a journal he learned to charm so only his eyes could read it.

- Favorite band was Queen, also loved Bowie, KISS, Led Zeppelin, T. Rex and all of glam rock (later found a passion for punk) and secretly loved Tchaikovsky. Found muggle music through Andromeda. She was like her older sister and his biggest protector, he was destroyed when she was disowned. She kept buying sirius vinyls and sending it to her while she was at school.

- Sirius was a natural born rebel, they defied everything just by existing. "My existence is a scandal" was his motto.

- Sirius loved to read, but at home was only allowed to read russian and french classics like Dostoevsky, Victor Hugo, Tolstoy, Dumas etc.

- Once their uncle Alphard gave him Oscar Wilde books and that became her whole life. She loved 'The ghost of Canterville' and 'The Picture of Dorian Grey'. Sirius never really talked to other ppl about liking books though.

- At home, her life was shit, of course. Her parents were abusive and it started really young, they were manipulative and narcissistic, neglected Sirius's emotions and feelings, and prohibited him from showing their true self. But the abuse was discreet, quiet, it wasn't obvious to him. She knew it wasn't alright but also couldn't recognize it was abuse, to her, their parents just wanted what was best for him, wanted him to be their best self. Her mom still told him she loved them, they still gave star things, they treated them well and like shit at the same time.

- As Sirius was growing up the abuse kept getting worse, they started using curses and hexes and beating him, hurting her in many ways, but she thought he deserved it because that would help them become a better person, she still understood the abuse as care. As he turned 13 he was thought dark arts at home stars parents used his wants and needs as a way to control her, she always had to do something for her family to get basic human treatment. As she got older they started getting more violent, using unforgivables and curses that hurt her physically.

- Walburga was literally one of the worst people to walk on this earth, she was bitter, heartless, prejudiced, violent, ruthless, she was an awful human being and Sirius HATED her. Walburga was obsessed with keeping up appearances, making the family name justice, being better and superior to everyobody else, she had these delusions of grandeur, of maintaining a superiority status. He was scared she could become like her mother one day, that she was as insane as the woman who gave him life but also literally tortured and tried to kill her own children just for the sake of "the family name".

- Her relationship with Regulus was very complicated. When Reg was born Sirius loved him so much, he couldn't even explain. Reg was everything Sirius could never be. He was everything her parents wanted her to be, he was quiet, polite, patient, never spoke out of turn, he did everything his parents wanted him no without question. Sirius could feel in all the ways their parents acted that they loved Reg more, that Reg was what they actually wanted.

- Sirius hated herself for it because she hated his brother for something he could not control but they also loved him more than anything. So their relationship was unstable, some nights they went to each other for comfort, others they wouldnt even share looks. Around 9/8yo Reg told Sirius that he just always knew he had to play a part, to pretend in order to survive in that family, that he had to be literally a perfect child. For most of her life, Sirius did love his brother more than anything. After Reg grew up and started to get more brainwashed by his parents, they drifted apart he resented Sirius, he despised him for being a blood traitor, for being queer, for being wrong. (Abused children deal with abuse in different ways so i would never say regulus was a bad person, he was victim) Sirius had to leave and it was the right thing to do.

- Only started to have longer hair by the end of 4th year

- He was a happy child, a little star, brighting people's days, always laughing and being just loud. Her mother hated it. Orion was just neglectful and complacent with Walburga.

- Sirius was very loud, just a loud person, who talked loud, walked making noise, talked with their whole body

- His presence was always noticed, because she could not shut up. They always knew something was wrong in the way her family worked, every night she cried looking at the stars wishing to be saved, because she knew life could be better, she always felt something was missing, like a void in his chest, like he wasn't complete. That void was filled with James. He felt how real normal people love for the first time with James. He was the brother she wanted Reg to be, James was supportive of his every action and trait, they could hug and show affection.

- James was so much more than just a best friend, he was truly Sirius' brother, their relationship wasn't platonic nor romantic, their loved surpassed these notions we have of love. Their love just was. Nothing could compare to Remus though, he was her soulmate, her other half, they were connected by the red string, they were born to be together. He probably fell in love with Remus the second they met.

- Sirius was sensitive and also strong, she cried himself to sleep sometimes bc he didn't wanna bother anyone. He used humor to hide the fact that she hated himself, he was always cracking jokes and making people laugh, because that made her feel loved.

- Sometimes she lost her sense of self, she dissociated and wondered who she even was, if that person was actually them, if he wasnt pretending just to cause a scene, those days she became distant, nobody recognized him. He was agressive and impulsive and somehow was always hurting the people she cared most.

- Some days she felt like a complete failiure and waste of space, other days she felt he was better than every other living human, some days she loved who she was, others he wanted to die and be born as someone else. He didn't know how he felt about himself, nothing in her was constant, except the change. She didn't know how she felt, it was empty and simultaniously overwhelming because she felt everything and nothing at the same time. She was insecure and over confident, rude and also sweet and polite.

-His boggart was being left by everyone he loved.

- There was a time in his life where she treated everyone like shit on purpose because she was convinced that everyone would leave him and some point so it would be "her choice". That didnt last and it was awful, he felt awful, she cried every day, she began to self harm and hate himself.

- She hated being impulsive and always hurting people. She hated that sometimes his mind kinda shut off and he lost control of what he was doing and saying, hated that she couldn't remember it after, he hated that on these times she always did the worst things imaginable.

- Sirius dressed fem and masc, depends on the day and what he was feeling, they wore lots of leather jackets, croptops, low waisted jeans, oversize jackets, coats and sweaters. loved something showing chest, very flamboyant and sparkly. Their color palette was black, red, grey, purple and dark brown.

- Sirius loved tattoos and piercings. She got her first tattoo on sixth year, along with Remus. She had many ear piercings, nipple piercing and a stud nose (with a ruby on it)

- The relationship with his sexuality was complicated, he always knew she didn't like women the way boys were supposed to. In Hogwarts, he did everything to show everyone that he, in fact, did like girls. Until fifth year, she just couldn't take it anymore. she did hook up with some random girls just for show (nothing sexual, he couldn't physically put themselves through that). But then he met Benjy and that's when it all changed, Benjy helped him discover who she was, what they liked, what felt good and comfortable and what didn’t, helped them with the whole gender thing (Sirius did not give a fuck, sometimes he felt like a boy, sometimes not and that was it, couldn't care less about how ppl referred to or perceived her). So basically the only people he ever had anything with were Remus and Benjy. 

-Sirius found it easy to hate and dislike things and people and she hated herself most of all for it. Because good people can't hate, good people only love, good people don't get angry and destructive. Therefore, in her mind, he was a terrible person.

- Sirius felt like a mistake sometimes, like a waste of space, like he was useless and could have done more to save his brother, to save her cousin, to be loved by their family. For a long time, that was all she wanted, that's what he would see in the mirror of Erised, him being her true self in front of her family, dressed however he pleased, and their family behind smiling, supporting and loving her. 

- His boggart was himself, with the dark mark on her arm. The slytherin green tie, pale skin, hair all short and well cut. His biggest fear was being evil, ending up being the horrible person the voice inside their head kept saying he was.

- His biggest dream for years was being loved by his family, but becoming what they wanted was her biggest fear. She had always been torn.

- James was the one that made them realize that her family was fucked up, that they were wrong, that Sirius was enough and that he did not need to change in order to be treated like a person, that her family wasn't worth it and that she had to let go. It wasn’t easy, it took James five long years, but on December 1975 Sirius came all bloody to the Potters, left her family behind, and began to heal. 

- Sirius was unstable, as established here, he hated herself for it. Sometimes she felt like she only did the wrong thing, like she was rotten and couldn’t be fixed, like she would die being a mistake like he could never be loved and never truly love.

- Sirius just has a very androgynous feminine aura, loved to explore gender expression, and never really cared what people said.

- Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are connected by the red string, they are head over heels in love with each other, they ARE love. Their relationship isn’t toxic, its beautiful and pure and genuine and sweet, it may have had its ups and downs but they never treated each other poorly. Even when they were mad or fighting, if one needed help or comfort, the other put everything aside to come to their aid. They were always touching and holding hands and exchanding looks, their love was so strong you could feel it in the air, everyone around them could see it, it was undeniable.

[juni-ravenhall]

today i finally found new headphones for a somewhat affordable cost for me as a poor disabled person (around $€ 15) after spending hours going out of my way to shops at the edge of town while i had a free bus ticket (for healthcare). my previous headphones disintegrated and fell apart lately and i couldnt find any i could afford to replace them so it was frustrating. my mouse was also starting to fall apart, and i was able to find one i could afford today too.

it was really really annoying going around to different shops and just seeing even the low-budget headphones cost $€ 35++ everywhere

other things i need but cant afford rn includes sandals or other airy summer shoes (i own 2 pairs of shoes that fit, one of those pairs is kinda broken and more for the cold season, and the other is very warm and not good for warm season at all, this one was a gift recently, before that i only had 1 pair of shoes regardless of weather and season, for the past 2 years or so?)

and a new phone - the screen is completely cracked all over but still functions, but the phone itself is extremely slow. its a $€ 99 xiaomi phone and it cant keep 2 apps running at once. for example a phone call will just hang up if i open the browser at the same time. it also frequently just doesnt ring when someone tries to call me, which is a problem when im being called by healthcare or other important things. id like to get a phone that is less terrible (and not cracked all over) but i cant even afford another one of what i have.

theres other stuff like these prebiotic(?) stomach supplements that helped my stomach work slightly better, that i was buying for some months, i had to stop buying bc i cant afford that if im also buying other things i need (i had to buy a new pair of pants bc the other ones are broken etc). didnt stop bc they werent important but just bc i cant afford.

and i cant afford to take the bus to leave my neighbourhood (i live a 1 hour one-way walk from downtown and am too tired to make that walk alone anymore) more than a couple times a month bc each one-way bus ticket costs $€ 4. i cant afford to pay $€ 8 for a day's transportation more than a couple times a month, especially bc if im going anyway, it prob means i will spend some money on things like eating something (cheap) out, or some (cheap) shopping, or a movie ticket, or something. and its really not okay that the bus is that expensive. a $€ 20 movie ticket now costs $€ 28 instead bc of the bus, and for my budget this is all way too much.

so yeah, just explaining that life is hard. as a poor person its hard even in a rich country like sweden. i always make some room in my budget for enjoyable things like buying a cheap (always using sales!!) videogame and buying snacks, treating myself to something i want (art supplies, trinkets - usually using sales and 2nd hand!), bc otherwise i wouldnt be able to keep on living. but its really hard to afford the things i need and im living like this without summer shoes, without supplements that help me be less sick, with a broken shitty phone, etc. mostly i just want middle class ppl to not assume that ppl on their dash are rich and financially comfortable bc i notice a lot of middle class ppl live in their bubble where they think everyones life is similar to their life. its not true and tons of ppl all over the world are really poor, including ones you see on social media.

[angstics]

it's always been interesting to me that the only thing seemingly "separating" the transgender truthing from the homosexual truthing, in terms of legitimate proof that someone who only knows gerard way through interviews and stage performance could provide, is the history of open gnc-ness. which doesn't really correlate to any kind of transgender identity but obviously i know why people choose to interpret it that way. (even then, the offstage dude kissing could and usually does fill an identical role in other peoples interpretation of gerard as being secretly gay so. shrug). but this time TRUST ME his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group is ACTUALLY him being secretly trans. i try not to engage with any mass discourse events and find the she/her pronoun usage distasteful and just personally uncomfortable, so i dont directly encounter many people who even orbit this kind of discussion lol. im curious what you think about this comparison! and i apologize if anything was worded unclearly :)

this is a big can o worms! i like hearing your thoughts. there’s sooo many different readings on his identity and how the outfits factor into that.

it’s invasive but it’s not the same ethics as theorizing about a friend. understanding an artist is important to people. it’s part of being an artist which is normal but heavily contested. im always reminded of siken’s response to the student who wanted to learn more about his life to understand his poetry lol (he wasnt nice). why would it matter? authenticity, connection, need to label? there’s no universal or moral answer

anyhow back to gerard. the shift from homosexual to transgender truthing is funny! people didnt give up, they just concluded he’s unlabelled gay 😭 not from the on/off stage kissing (which were all performative) but from the tweetsss. “when people try to define your sexuality [morrissey picture]” and “why would i hide it if i was a Homosexual”. the affair conspiracies and gay music themes and general stereotypes probably aided that. whether the assumption is true or false makes no difference. the reasons behind why ppl even make the assumption are so intriguing to think about… but this is already too long.

the “trans truthing” is complicated bc it’s more personal to ppl. im not gonna create a boogeyman. ive seen all of this, some i align with some i dont. putting them in a list cuz it’s easier to read

ppl in my corner of the fandom are comfortable with calling him queer, nb, trans — from most to least common. all as umbrella terms. all to mean not-cis. justification is good ol FLAGGING. like getting an undercut to tell girls yr a dyke without needing to come out. i can expand on this thought process if wanted. ive seen this kinda labeling for YEARS

a lot of ppl i follow stop at gnc because that is the only visibly obvious option. and it’s the term The Advocate used for him in 2018 (tho we gotta note that he didnt self-id — the writer used the same principal of gnc being about presentation over id). the term is treated as if it were between cis and trans. or more accurately, not-cis not-trans.

ive noticed that old/ex fans or outsiders under my 30k cheerleader gifset see the dress as a coming out…? people of 1 and 2 chalk it under that history of gender nonconformity. it’s surprising but makes sense. i think that’s the function of said history

all the egg talk ive seen is on twitter among transfem ppl and tumblr posts in the wild. i searched “gerard way trans” and got so many tweets referencing kurt cobain. that is transfem business, not mine 😭

all this to say that i havent seen anyone in these circles insinuate he was Secretly trans. it’s the same as the gay assumption. it isnt about proving what reality is. just whatever individuals accept as their truth. lots of 1 ppl have said that if he suddenly came out as cis, their perception wouldnt change. i take that to mean bc the performance itself is the person and the performance they see is transgender.

i dont see how art and artist can be separated in performance. what other version of the artist are you getting? i dont know if anyone round here is talking about the couch sitting gerard way. like why would we 😭 even if one does, it’s under the perception of the performance we know. if we werent talking about the performance, we wouldnt even be talking about it. you wouldnt imagine your loved one watching tv. youd sit next to them. look at them. talk to them. YOU KNOW? like this whole debate on whether it’s invasive goes NOWHERE. we arent talking about someone who could be known. we are barely talking about the real person.

and he knows this because anyone with a Name becomes this. the real life person doesnt need defending. he needs respect. to me that means not harassing him, not digging into his private life, not speaking for him. the rest is what feels ok for me. if the environment is uncomfortable, all i can do is share why. which is why talking about it is important.

ill say, im fine with she/her-ing him. i know those arent his defined pronouns. i know i use them as a term of endearment and character-dedication. i know when to avoid them. i personally dont believe in rigid pronoun use. i don’t believe in there being a handbook of rules of what is or isnt rude (not to say there arent general rules). you learn person to person.

goes back to the Pursuit of Universal Morality. god i remember last year getting so mad at the trans labelling id leave tumblr to complain on twitter. but ive changed my tune to seeing the non-cis ambiguity. not because of Evidence but because i found comfort in that connection. i wasnt wrong then, am not wrong now.

it isnt really about him, it’s about what he says and does. which IMO he’s likely to accept as an artist.

so yeah. TLDR: posts that are like “how can you say he’s [cis/trans] if X?!” are really just stating their own perception. even if they uncritically believe what theyre saying is reality, it’s THEIR reality. there is no difference btwn “his performance art in solidarity with an oppressed queer group” and “him being secretly trans”.

[fansnails]

What helps you break from sameface syndrome in art?

i know ive heard the phrase but i honestly dont think ive ever actually took at that seriously or cared about it all. The only time i remember thinking about it was getting the compliment that was like "its like you have the opposite of same face syndrome" and i still didnt really get it. So sorry if this is a long response that doesnt help at all but ur getting my essay because this stuff bothers me.

first time i saw it used in a way i think makes sense was back when i saw the frozen critique thing going around tumblr. They literally have the same face as each other, the main characters, and as their mother, but male characters NEVER have this issue, in the SAME media(show, movie, w/e). My solution to that is just simply...stop designing your women the same. If you need to, design a male char and then sex bend it trying to change as little as possible and see if that helps you notice how ur accidentally limiting yourself for your women. Most of the time the problem isnt "same face", its that we dont give women the same depth of expression and variety of design. whole other essay but yeah...

In that similar vein. Same face feels like a...way to avoid calling it sexism to me in the art. It then is used by all artists to just find a way to shit on art styles without actually providing useful critique. "Same face" is actually quite beloved and marketable.

Simplistic designs could be called "same face" which belittles the fact that designing minimalistic and aesthetically pleasing designs is quite difficult. These designs are distinct, recognizable, and very beloved. They are cute and nice to look at! These are actually so well designed i hesitate to call them same face but i wanna try and show the "two dot eyes and a mouth and dot nose" could be called same face. But with limited elements, each face is actually clearly distinct. Even the twin guys lala and kiki, (altho if u make them both smile and they wouldnt be but u get it)

Another minimalistic design that relies heavily on minute differences in the face(as well as other elements of the design) to distinguish them.

i like these examples because perhaps the average tumblrina might agree that everyone thinks sanrio looks good, and might say they dislike homestucks style, but they use similar design rules.

here is another example of a style some might just consider ugly or lacking skill(im a personal fan and dont agree but hopefully u get what i mean). A distinct part of his style is making every character have distinct eyes. probably for the same reason i find mobpsycho 100 and homestuck styles charming and pleasing, they cannot be accused of sameface(atleast not to me ill come for you LOL). This may be a kind of fundamental reason i dont struggle with it, im a particular fan of this method of design. It just is a part i focus on. it was never a concious choice i made as an artist.

Some artists find different elements pleasing or enjoyable to draw, and same face is actually quite beloved(and marketable) its not the end all be all design rule is my point... examples of beloved styles where its quite easy to switch the faces around and it may become difficult to tell it has occurred.

heres another style people consider ugly but doesn't have same face(again, im a fan, so it really might just be a thing i like in art, also yes the women are more similar but this rule does still apply to his women...just with much less variation :\ see again my original "same face obscures sexist design choices" point)

so yeah TL;DR i dont believe in same face as a fundamental design flaw, you should draw whatever you like and improve things you are personally dissatisfied with.

TL;DR 2 (ACTUALLY ANSWERING THE QUESTION) "i want more variation in faces when i design" treat eyes, noses, lips, forehead height, face shape, chin, eyebrows, eyes, hair coverage, moles, freckles, dimples, cheek bones...(and whatever else you can think of) as all different elements and include more variation of them. experiment.

im not a professional i am self taught and just some lady these are just my observations and opinions.

[fauslayer]

Stinky and pizzano headcanons go crazy

OH BOY! im about to post images so uh rest under the cut

(x) (x)

the dev art of/about these two is really fucking good i must say.

i have a strange web of headcanons about their meeting and how they interact and about 80% of the gist is that stinky was doomed the second that they said "yeah hes the noisette function" and through a series of interconnected "wouldnt it be funny"s i see them as a kind of quirky mostly-noncommital(*) relationship with an incredibly rocky start. (*youll see)

stinky, Or Phil, since this was the before times, was originally hired for short term contract work on occasional odd jobs for PTV; he wasnt that aware or particularly fond of the network so he became a sort of Pizzano Favourite on virture of talking to him like a normal fucking person. the stuff pizzano asks for is weird and usually incredibly dangerous, but its a chance for him to actually strut his engineering legs and not just fix broken down cars all day. it was during this era that the nickname landed because im 100% convinced that pizzano fucked up his last name day one and called him stinky and never stopped. he hates it.

as jobs turn more frequent, he starts making visits to the studio itself, to do handyman work and maintenance on his pre-existing creations and some other gaggles of props and vehicles (and lots and lots of firearms??) lying around PTV. they strike up a familiar enough racket that pizzano suddenly invites him to join his actual staff, huge benefits and huge salary on top of still getting commission pay (the legality of his pay arrangement is dubious but literally nobody higher-up says no to the pizzano because hes an entertainment juggernaut, and also A Big Man With A Gun). he probably should have said no to this job, but the zeroes beckon him.

new position places him a lot closer to pizzano on the daily, which definitely starts to grate on him. hes loud, obnoxious, changes on a dime, gets stuck in moods from mere minutes to whole weeks, seems allergic to actually getting any proper work done, and is generally kind of a nuisance. the pay is nice, but he cannot deny some days he wants to like. grab that blue motherfucker and chunk him across a room until he stops bouncing. he didnt sign up to be a glorified secretary for some pastry baron lunatic.

the problem is because hes around pizzano a lot more than other workers, and pizzano has more inherent trust in him, stinky gets to see. some weird shit? some concerning shit. like nobody else is freaked out by how often this guy throws up? he just smashes himself into walls for fun? he doesnt even have windows in his room, for gods sake, is nobody else worried about this? but its also none of his business to tell, so he doesnt. the pizzano drags him to restaurants and moving showings and private parties and occasionally, embarrassingly onto the dance floor at a wrap party while intoxicated (lets hope i ever finish that wip). maybe pizzano just isnt great at having friends, stinky wonders, maybe he just exclusively has frenemies or something.

on pizzanos end, this is where the * and the noisette bit kick in a little harder. my biggest "wouldnt it be funny" was just like. what if instead of having the noisette proxy swooning over a relatively unaffected but still loving noise proxy just like a carbon copy of pizza tower it was. The Other Way Around. pizzanos really fucking bad at flirting; he just sorta treats stinky ""the same as he would anyone else"" (hes definitely treating him a little better but he has that irritating pizzano charm) and expects him to pick up on it. hes not mad if stinky DOESNT pick up on it, but pizzano is sure he will eventually! stinky does something nice for him after a bad day and he has to go back to his room and bury his head in his pillow and kick his legs behind him like a schoolgirl.

if anything happens to actually kick off a relationship between the two its probably happening while theyre both drunk at a party or something and pizzano is babbling about how much he enjoys stinkys company and stinky is like .oO{ a bear is fine } and they make some mutual bad decisions that they have to wake up and reflect on but both of them are honestly pretty okay with it. pizzano definitely loves stinky more than stinky loves him At First, but they steadily keep growing into something more comfortable as time goes on. i think sugary spire probably happens a bit before this event, rationally.

thanks for reading my manifesto

[ayatoscupid]

HIII 💫 KAVEH!!!!

KAVIEEEEE my babygirl full of drama and flair who i want to squeeze like a stress ball so bad

ik it looks like we know nothing about him bc we’ve only seen him in a 10 minute argument with haitham LOL but there’s little traces of him everywhere in the city!! from the bulletin boards to chara voicelines to scholars’ lines about him- so ive tried to piece tgt everything we canonically know abt him so far :’D

ill put it all under cut bc holy shit this got long LMFAO 🥹🥹

and i think he provides a very Very interesting contrast to his roomie- which is why i’m so fascinated by their dynamic. i could go on and on abt how they contrast each other but i’ll boil it down to just: kaveh seems to share similar end goals with him, but the way they go about those end goals is the Complete opposite. and i REALLY love that!!!!

ive developed a sorta fascination to charas who r the .. idk how to say. physical representation of themes in the story or the nation theyre part of LOL, like how xinyan represents the new age liyue is going into by introducing the Very New genre of rock n roll !! etc etc. n i think about nahida’s voiceline abt kaveh a lot: “He has an almost-perfect grasp of what it truly means for Sumeru to be a Nation of Wisdom.”

n i think that’s what he and his roomie represent- two opposing ideas that come from the same goal which should be the true goal for the akademiya: knowledge for knowledge’s sake. learning just to learn. to ask the questions nobody else would ask, n to uncover theories n truths that anyone else wouldnt bother to. the akademiya has long been blinded by prestige and trying to climb to the top that they forget what it means to just Learn New Things (society moment 😔), but these two have never wavered from that. their pursuit of knowledge is so pure, n that makes them probably 2 of the Only competent ppl in the entire goddamn akademiya HGKDBDJDB

with kaveh specifically i think he likes to absorb Everything he learns, and he has interests in a lot of things (soooo adhd of him ik). which is why despite being….. Essentially a tech major LOL, he’s also a huge romantic with an eye for aesthetics and a huge love for the arts, and it also explains why he also has other hobbies on the side, like magic tricks!! kaveh is a very… for lack of a better word, collectivistic(?? boy that is not a word) person. this not only shows with all his interests, but in the way he treats other scholars as well!! he went broke not only from building alcazarzaray- he also gives his funds to workers, and judging from scholars’ lines about him, hes very well liked in the akademiya!! hes very much a people person and likes to share whatever they need- he believes that helping others is a natural course of action!! in everything he does, he shares and is open to anything he feels is right

this got SO LONG and its for an UNRELEASED CHARACTER ofmg 🫥 i think ill go crazy when hes actually released fr…… but GOD i love him so much n hes already so interesting to me- and i fr cant wait to see more abt him CRIES CRIES

[sociallyawkward--fics]

HEY BACK AGAIN. idk how long its been cuz mobile is trash but me n my friend were talking abt how we were in a lot of the same fandom spaces as kids. Sanders sides being one of them. n i was like..... Long shot but do u know sociallyawkward--fics.. n at first they were like no i dont think so.. but then they looked u up n went OH MY GOD YEA??? ill send u a screenshot off anon but i told them we were friends n they said it was like finding out i knew a celebrity LMAO -H (ironic considering theyre prob more popular on ao3 than u😭 they briefly turned back into a 12yo fanboy)

its still so crazy to me ive known u for so long n met him like 3-4 years ago worlds collide ..... Also u can post this though im off anon if u want idc -H

ALSO. since im here. idk if i ever told u my age but when i sent my first ask to u i was probably 11. maybe 10 even. im turning 18 in a couple months now. its hard to bring myself to read some of the asks (ok most of the asks) i sent u over the years bc i was an incredibly anxious and awkward autistic kid. But u always treated me with so much love hahakjs at the time i was rly struggling n had very few friends n AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME CRINGE TO LOOK BACK ON u were honestly the only older person i could talk to n it rly meant a lot lol. im so much more confident n comfortable in myself than i was all those years ago n ik i dont send u asks nearly as frequently anymore but tbh even if eventually its only once every few years ill always think back on u so fondly n gratefully. Neway i literally hate being sappy so ill shut up here but yeah. Thanks n such -H

ALSO IDK IF UR ACTIVE ON AMY SOCIAL MEDIA RLY?? BUT IF U R I CAN GIVE U SOME OF MY SOCIALS mostly i just tweet abt my day occasionally on twitter but i also have a sideblog where i post art. just thinking that maybe then i wouldnt have to be like 'and heres a quick summary of the past 8 months' n u could check up on me whenever instead of only seeing me when i send asks😭 -H (its also so less formal cuz when i send in asks u Gotta respond whereas if i post 'just ate a kickass burger' u can just. Like it. idk idc either way but lmk ^__^)

-----------------------------------

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THESE FOR MONTHS SINCE I'VE BEEN USING TUMBLR AGAIN AND MY LACK OF OBJECT PERMANENCE HAD ME KEEP FORGETTING I AM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭

dkjfhkdhf omg that is so wild that you have a friend who also knows about me dkjfhdsf Sanders Sides (back when it was waaaaay smaller of a fandom lol) was the first (and tbh only, really) fandom where i had any real level of "popularity" as a fic writer, and i fed off that high for SO LONG lol -- hearing that people were obsessed with my work, both then and now after the fact, is genuinely so surreal dfkjhdjkfh like. i am just Here, i am just Some Dude who wrote some words that got them weirdly popular at 17-18 dkjsfhdkjfh (also cuz i try to gather all your asks into one post, you continue to remain anonymous just cuz i copy-pasted them into the post in the same order they were received lol)

Dude it is CRAZY that you are almost 18 (or, by the time i am finally managing to answer this with my Bad Brain Powers procrastinating it so long, already 18) -- I looked back and I was 18 when you sent your first ever ask to me dkjfhdf that's so wild. I am so honored that you saw me as an older person you could come and talk to, even if it was just through anonymous tumblr asks for the past 6+ years lol. I always think of you fondly too, and I am so proud of you for the way you've grown up and grown into your confidence

ALSO YOU CAN TOTALLY SEND ME YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA djfdjdsjkf you can absolutely send me any of your socials!!! I know your main blog because you've sent some asks without it (have I ever remembered to follow it??? I meant to but I can't remember, this is also a Brain Forget-y Accidental Procrastination thing), but I would LOVE to see your art sideblog and def feel free to send me your twitter!! I have not opened my twitter in like. 3 months, because i was having Unhealthy Habits so i tucked the app into a pocket out of site and stopped using it for a while, but I am doing better now and would definitely open it back up more often again to see what you were up to

Also!!! You can always feel free to DM me on any of my blogs/sideblogs here on tumblr, too! You don't have to wait to send an ask (though I love receiving asks from you, don't ever feel like you have to stop even if we connect elsewhere!), you can always DM me on any of my blogs (or on any other socials we may exchange, too!)

[yerdad]

Hi! Know I've been inactive for a bit and that probably isn't gonna change! I have other stuff to say but it'll be in the tags lol

[oceanwithouthermoon]

this conversation started because i wanted to point out that neither of kusuos parents are inherently trying to be abusive and the blame shouldnt be pushed on one or the other so harshly so im gonna go ahead and say i got a little sidetracked and generally i agree with most of this lol

i personally still cant fully agree on kaidos mom though cuz like.. she obviously knows hes not happy with the way she treats him, and she DIDNT back down when he defended his friends, she DOUBLED down, yelling at him, telling him SHE'LL go tell them off if he doesnt and saying "wow thats the first time hes ever stood up to me.." when he walked away.. to me, this implies that she knew hes been holding back and she wasnt willing to listen to him at all, which is probably WHY hes been holding back.. and she only changed her mind when she thought they were geniuses.. and i really dont think she was trying to be very "open to change" considering all she cared about was getting him to study even more, she was entirely not focused on how unhappy he clearly is

plus, going through his entire room searching for porn magazines wasnt intelligent and proactive parenting, it was invasive and the fact that thats the one thing she assumed it might be is insane.. but this one might be a cultural difference tbh.. in america this definitely would be considered an abusive breach of privacy (like no argument here, it WOULD be) but im pretty sure they wouldnt agree over there soooo ig it cant be helped

plus, i think the whole looking through his room thing is just the consequences of her own actions because ur right, its not like hes gonna be honest with her.. but thats because he CANT be or he'll be punished or berated.. and also i really did NOT mean to imply that his coping mechanisms are healthy so if it came off that way, that is NOTTT right, i was just trying to say that its a coping mechanism due to the way she treats him, not that its GOOD by any means.. it really isnt.. kaido really does need to change but its going to be REALLY hard with how he kinda has this learned helplessness.. hes gonna find it really difficult to change and get help when hes learned he cant even be honest with his own mom..

his brother being able to be himself is a good point, but i didnt really consider that because i was kind of imagining that she was willing to enroll him in martial arts because she knows how weak and incapable kaido turned out☠️

but anyway.. ur totally right about ur general point that both mothers are doing their best with what they have access to, i just think that that has to be able to coexist with the fact that they arent treating their kids right, otherwise theres no legroom for them to change their ways of thinking.. love them though lol

maybe i am pretty hard on them but its because i know what its like to be a maybe autistic person living in a home like this.. i didnt get diagnosed until i was able to speak to a doctor freely without my parents involved, and i LOVE my parents to DEATH but thats just how it is and i feel like its the same for these two

unpopular opinion for this area of tumblr, beware+also abuse talk warning

admittedly, all the super casual bashing of saikis dad makes me really uncomfortable, like i dont totally disagree but i wish we didnt just all do it in the middle of other completely innocent headcanoning 😭 its never tagged or warned..

my personal opinions on kuniharu are not as extreme as some are on here, like i think he sucks but i dont think hes a genuinely bad person, he was just thrown into a situation he didnt know how to handle.. he reminds me of those parents who prepare to have a baby and get pregnant on purpose, but then the baby has a disability and suddenly, everything changes.. because they didnt prepare for this unlikely scenario, but it happened anyway, and now they have to figure out where to go from here.. kurumi and kuniharu BOTH made mistakes and didnt handle their genius/psychic kids in ways they shouldve, but its because they werent prepared for it

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[youabandonedthem]

hi i’m writing a spades slick fancomic and stumbled across your blog and it is so freaking fascinating to me. i thought i had a pretty good understanding of slick as a character but ur stuff makes me feel like a dumb doodoo baby… . i was wondering what u think when you see that kind of non-headcanony fan creation where the fan clearly has a passion and believes themselves to Get the character they’re creating about but also manages to miss or ignore clear aspects of them?

hello. i am interested in seeing your comic maybe you can share it. i have been thinking of your question but I need to say first that idk why you are so intent on getting my opinion about this i don’t think it’s something that should really matter so much for you especially on this topic... as in you shouldnt really CARE about character opinions you disagree with from people you don’t know. I see a lot of people who i would say that description applies to. but the thing with being part of large online fanbases is that a large amount of people are probably going to think this description applies to each other anyway regardless of anyones attention to base lore. if we go back to the core this is really all about worldviews and the lens with which we view AND comprehend the base material as well as the context with which it was made... it goes like this for everyone: we read the comic and understand/digest it and then regurgitate the characters and extrapolate their behaviour for new and different circumstances to make new stories. -> the ART of creation. and some people have varying levels that they comprehend the base... and will spit characters back out in a way that makes sense to THEM and THEIR world view rather than an objective one. or even wilful ignorance and lack of acknowledgment that a character is 3 dimensional. and in doing so they can completely miss the point of why that character acts the way they do and does certain things and on a greater level why they were written that way (eg hussie is essentially a frat boy who wrote in certain things because he thought it would be funny for a joke and it does not often go much deeper) ..and how their actions may simply serve as puppetry for a narrative/agenda. And failure to take that and other factors into consideration lead to viewing the story/characters exclusively through one’s own modern lens, on a surface level, and subsequently making conclusions about a character that ultimately wouldnt make much sense unless they were to live in that specific person’s world and share that person’s worldview by leading their same life. which they can’t because they live in their own fictional world and most likely do not have much at all in common with you. and any traits they DO have in common are treated/influenced according to their own society..especially self identification of their own traits and feelings.

On a wider scale this is a concept that can apply to everything for how you can try to understand others’ points of views in a given situation.. and this is about people who have not learned how to detach themselves from their own lenses especially when it comes to fiction. some people do NOT display evidence of this skill. As such this is how war occurs because obviously when perceiving a work one way and creating things for it like that then you are arguing your view is the most accurate. and when you see people who create completely contrasting things because of their different views they will look utterly insane to you. and to those people YOU are the one who is utterly insane. and it doesnt matter who’s the one who comprehends the base material more accurately because you cannot change the world views and perceptions of others. you cannot convert them or force people to understand what they will not understand because it is just not their world. you have to mind your own crops in your own field and no one is attacking you with acid.. (Unless there are stupid people who instigate wars over meaningless basura) you have your own corner it is ok to leave other areas alone and allow people who understand to come to you instead. and if you truly want to hate then hate in moderation..do not let it consume much of your time merely a few minutes of logical discussion... and do it IN PRIVATE. obviously shifts of worldview (but not wavelength) are possible but some people become confronted with things they do not understand and they believe hate is the answer and they like to jump to conclusions. they fail to see what is clearly in front of them just because they dont personally like it. For example seeing character analyses/essays that are lovingly written and even research backed yet contain (tagged) uncensored explicit material because life is explicit. and then assuming it’s fetish material or some kind of projection. it is always one of the two they accuse you of like they are under the impression that meaningful and emotionally inspired art cannot deliberately exist. it has to completely and utterly be a reflection on YOU. of corpse all art does reflect on the artist in SOME way and it’s impossible for it not to this is what makes everyones work unique... and it is also awesome to make (well characterised) fan material that is inspired by your own life events. but they don’t understand and dismiss all existent emotional pieces as vent art .

If you agree and like to read interviews there is one my buddy shared that is so true and has a whole point about it. >> link << (richard siken) and another one from my other buddy mentioning this too.. >> mitski interview <<  Shoutout to my buddies

Additionally a wise man said, if anyone is talking about you like that  that means you are on their radar in the first place. More of a compliment...and long story short, it is always good to know somebody is talking about you Whether inferior, or superior. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_j1fiLF3D4 But anyway the total and willful lack (of understanding) is all because of JENKINS. (the one who takes away). in a world once thriving full of natural materials and in minds that have the power to comprehend others with compassion. when this is all taken away it is the clear work of jenkins. When people are regurgitating completely meaningless jokes because they have to talk exactly like their friend groups in fear of being seen as the ‘weird’ ones .. when they repeat memeified words in contexts that make no sense and have no original way of speaking. This is the impact of jenkins and when someone regards you with this complete failure to see and this lack of willingness to accept. this is the jenkins stare

Umm... that’s all God Speed doo do baby

[ankhisms]

local 24 year old makes the shocking revalation that its ok to have emotions that are generally labled as "negative". just going to be musing about feelings and things under the cut im ok just thinking abt stuff

due to a life time of abuse where ive specifically been told that im never allowed to be angry or express any "negative" emotions even when im being abused and hurt and i have to always be quiet and just take everything thrown at me and be the person who takes care of my parents and my abuser even after being hurt by them continously i still really struggle with dealing with feeling things like anger and theres always a heavy sense of guilt that comes with feeling mad. but i do think ive made some strides forward in allowing myself to be rightfully mad about things without feeling guilty or beating myself up about not just shutting up and taking it and i think im doing better at not putting up with people treating me like shit (outside of my parents since its not safe for me and my mom for me to talk back to my dad) but one thing i have realized that i still struggle with is feeling jealous.. i dont think im a very jealous person and i certainly always do my best to choose kindness and compassion in my interactions with other people and i would never want to be cruel to someone for no reason so i guess what im saying is if i do feel jealous i always try to not let that seep into how i treat others since that wouldnt be fair or kind or helpful but i still do feel very guilty if and when i do feel jealous. and today ive been kind of like... sitting with that feeling and holding its hand because i think a lot of times my feeling of jealousy stems from recognizing that things in our world are very unfair and unbalanced and you can work your ass off and care so much about the thing youre doing and still be struggling to survive while someone who was born rich who doesnt work or care about the thing you both do gets really successful bc the system is fucked yknow and ive been like. yknow what thats ok to feel jealous and angry and upset about. its ok to be jealous of some rich person thriving doing the same kind of thing you want to do (art/acting in this case for me) who very obviously got to where they are thru their money because it does suck and it isnt fair! its ok to want things to be better not just for myself but for everyone else and its certainly reasonable to be upset about things being shitty. idk my words are weird rn but its been nice to allow myself to sit with feelings that ive felt guilty about due to abuse for so long and to be like its ok to feel this way and we arent bad for having emotions like anger or feeling a little envious. its ok and i will continue to make the choice to choose kindness every day. but also i do hate rich people and wish i could do more to help everyone out especially when were all struggling so much rn

[karanoid]

about top joe discord

LET ME ADDRESS A FEW POINTS:

There has been many fear and anxiety regardless the top!joe discord I made. I understand how it gives my discord a bad reputation. Somebody has kindly reached out to me to ask me addressing several points, which I’m now gonna clarify:

1. I am racist, I asked why, and they said mostly because of my dismissive behavior to people who called me out for drawing yusuf adorned in gold jewelry which made their friends feel unsafe. So, I am a muslim and was raised in a muslim household and community. I am fucking brown.

I didn’t say it because you don’t need to know that about me. What bothers me is how some people feel the need to come to my inbox informing me “maam yusuf is a religious muslim who prays 5 times a day and do all the supplementary prayers all while he drinks alcohol and fuck nicky in the dailies, he wouldnt be wearing gold maam no maam.” as if I didn’t know any better. so please, now don’t do that. If you care so much about the littlest details like wearing gold then you’ll also call out yusuf because he draws living beings and drinks champagne. yes it’s true muslim men are forbidden from wearing gold AND silk but let’s not forget, nothing in the comic and movies imply yusuf has ever been religious. It’s easier to see nicolo as religious because he was a fucking priest. Yusuf was a fucking merchant, it’s easy to see that he’d be less faithful because he would have been travelling and seen many kind of people to broaden his horizons and not contained to a little bubble of hyper religious community. However, let me remind you: whether yusuf AND nicolo are religious or not is entirely UP TO THE AUTHOR/ARTIST. It’s totally fine to make him religious and if you can respect it THATS GREAT, I ALSO LIKE HIM THAT WAY, but please remember it’s not even canon and hey sometimes I just draw things because I like the aesthetics. Also please, do not harass writers for getting a thing or two incorrect, even white people cannot get christianity correct, even between two muslims could be a disagreement whether this fic’s yusuf is problematic or not. I wouldn’t even expect anything more and THAT’S OKAY. Just don’t be an ass to muslims of color in real life and don’t fall into the believe that it’s a religion of violence. you can say that greg made him that way bc he knew nothing better but hey, I have no problem with that. again, it’s fine to make him religious, I’d be delighted but it’s ALSO fine to make him not religious.

2. I think that people only write Top!Nicky out of political correctness. OKAY. I apologize for this. I thought like this because I have accounts telling me that they were pressured into writing top!nicky or they wanted more readerships so I make a BIG assumption. I realized this is only a small part of switch and top!nicky fics and the big bulk of this must be out of genuine care. So yeah, I apologize for thinking that people only write top!nicky out of political correctness. I think writers should be allowed to write whatever they want. Yes this includes top!Nicky. And in whatever kinks they want it. However, this still doesn’t change that the discourses do scare people away from writing top!joe. Write top!nicky however you want, but stop vague-blogging about top!joe. racism isn’t inherent to top!joe and you can always remind people to be mindful with their writings but discouraging people from writing top!joe is not the solution. 

3. Top!joe is racist and people in the discord are racist. Okay, I am gonna touch several aspects why top!joe discord is considered racist: (1) because I don’t like to switch them, therefore I am racist. Sorry that’s not how it works. I have a clear preference and that’s just how I roll. Besides, a lot of people in the discord (including me) think either they switch (because they are 900 yo) or joe just doesn’t like bottoming. I’m not the kind of people who refers to reality for fiction I consume but people who prefer to top or to bottom exist (2) i want to be away from accountability and responsibility. Nope. The reason I made it is because I wanted to gather people with same interest as mine. 

4. I paint Yusuf as aggressive and the whole discord like him being an aggressive top. I think this is the only reason why the discord is seen in a negative light. Because wow what a coincidence that someone vagueblogged my discord at the day I celebrated about Nicky suggesting 20 years and wrote a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry. And beside someone made the WRONG assumption that we are focusing on Joe’s anger and violence (what). Okay, I don’t know how to break this down. But I will try. First, yes I was overjoyed at the news. Because I’m one of the people that do not like feral!nicky headcanon. I liked it at first bc it was funny but then it was twisted into Nicky being cold. So I don’t like it (lol), I still like it though but like I don’t seriously think that way. However, I never liked the idea that Nicky suggested higher than Joe. Because then his character just doesn’t click with me, there was a cognitive dissonance for me because joe clearly says nicky’s heart overflows kindness, you can see nicky as a medic in the credit montage. Also, from their body language and from the way the movie set em up, I think Joe is the one who suggested higher and I am glad to be proven right. Second, I did write a post about how Joe is allowed to be angry at Booker. People agreed with me, so I was not alone. But the reason I wrote that post is not because I wanted to paint yusuf as aggressive, but because I’m tired at people who think Joe shouldn’t display any negative emotions. I think it’s out of character. I do NOT think Joe is aggressive. That is NOT his wholeass personality. If you looked at my tog art tag, never once I portrayed Joe as anything aggressive. If I do, please show me. Third, people are conflating this with my post where I reblogged with a comment that implies aggressive Joe isn’t racism. Okay in this, the context is IN BED. It’s Joe being aggressive in BED. It’s literally BED ROLES AND FANTASY. I don’t even have a particular scenario in my head when I reblogged that, the original post clearly refers to bed roles with manhandling and kinks etc. like, why would you spank someone in public? Lastly, about the discord, NOPE, most people in the discord agree that Joe is either a GENTLE DOM or SERVICE TOP. But in my opinion, if someone likes Joe as an aggressive top (again, bed roles baby) I really don’t think it’s racism. It’s just... projection? 

anyway, back to joe’s emotions, these are posts from a moroccan man (paragraph #7) and a brown woman whose posts I agree with. Let’s be real, people of color are expected to shut up in favor of white people’s fragile feelings.

Now, about racism in fandom. I understand the concern because muslim men are painted as violent and aggressive. You know what I will never forgive those radicals for taking away innocents lives and to leave a lasting damage in how muslims are perceived in the west. However, you have to keep in mind, Joe in the movie is far from being stereotyped. I mean, Gina and Marwan practically greenlit him? Now, you might have concerns that writers are gonna turn him into a walking stereotype which is... okay, I understand that concern. But the solution is to communicate this ‘hey I think you make him too stereotypical in this etc etc’ not “write more top!nicky AND shame top!joe” because again, top!joe is not inherently racist.

also some people mentioned that they hope I recognize racial bias in the ship. dude, that goes without saying, all aspects of your life will be influenced by racial biases. however, this kind of thing is not specific to fandom/shipping. Like I said I’m fucking brown, friends and families with facial features that cater to white expectation are treated better. I did say at the bottom of this post, yeah I did notice why it’s always a brown character who’s always openly mad. And that’s in itself a form of racial bias. Racial biases affect everyone, white or POC, it doesn’t matter. But I got an issue with how people think this is racism. like how convenient, if by falling to racial biases mean you are a racist then what about those white people who created this racial biases in the first place? and I noticed the persons who got the audacity to cry about everything in this fandom is white?? I mean okay, they don’t know what I am, but not everyone is comfortable with sharing their private information like ethnic group, faith, etc. what if they really don’t want to share it? Because like you said, racial bias, whether good or bad will affect me. Now, I don’t know what white people are feeling, I’m not white. However, based on my interactions with them. We’re all just people sharing same interest, it could be they fall into racial biases, but all we shared about are just regular HCs. Even people making a conscious effort to combat racial bias still in essence fall for racial bias. You just cannot escape it.

According to this post, fandom assumes that the bottom is the proxy of writers, I don’t think this is applicable to everyone but let’s just say it’s true and people tend to write about their projection better so I’m gonna assume the racism part comes from the fact that..yeah I do think the bottom usually gets more fleshed out as a result of them being the writers proxy, so somebody posted this in the discord which I agree because yes I do think there’s a lack about yusuf’s background especially when it comes to crusade era:

but since I know most writers aren’t muslims, to me it’s not so much about racism but they simply know nothing about it, and not always out of ignorance either but in this climate, if you get a thing or two wrong you’d get harassed. so *shrugs* I understand the reluctancy. But here’s the thing, this is not about top/bottom issue but because most of the fandom are white so they have more freedom in writing the white character. Anyway, plenty of people have projected themselves into yusuf already, the whole “top/bottom” thing in this fandom is not even a thing. Yes, some writers project on the bottom so if you prefer bottom!joe that’s fine, somebody in the discord is doing a research and it turned out top!joe wasn’t even a CLEAR majority in JULY. So clearly they got their share already?

so please, let’s stop with the vitriol. if people are preferring top!joe it’s clearly because of different preferences. it’s not that deep. it’s the same way with how some people are preferring top!nicky. But we’re being driven out based on a hypothetical scenarios? like what do you want? for us to cease existing??? don’t be ridiculous.

I know people won’t listen to me. So this is my suggestion: LETS JUST IGNORE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE. LET’S ALL JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE. 

[juniaships]

My issues//ok to rb&comment

I don't like venting. But I have to do this because I'm through being angry every single second of my life. In the past i have been scrutinised a lot through my childhood and teenage years. It got to a point where I no longer have the motivation to do anything worthwhile. I'm a failure so what else can i be? I hate being a failure but failing seems to be the only thing I'm good at. Nobody else seemed to fail like I had. I resented a lot of people who I see have more than me, or are talented, or are goodlooking or a combo of both. That resentment i held turned into a full blown rage to the point i get literal headaches thinking about it. In turn I become an extremely judgemental person myself. The negative attitude rubs off in the way i work, live, talk to people. It even affects how I consume media, I judged so many writers and creators harshly because of an artstyle i don't like or a storyline I hate. But several months ago one artist who i judged a lot passed away suddenly. The news shocked me. That's when i knew: i know nothing about this man and what he was going through. All he did was doing what he loved and his job, and i picked it apart for no reason other than being disappointed over a cartoon he worked on and was already harassed for.

Last week I went on a tirade because i was mad that my parents criticized the clothes i wear. It reminded me of how i was treated back then, where i couldn't wear what i wanted even something innocuous without getting picked apart. So i lashed out and said hurtful things not to them but to strangers online. It didn't make me feel any better. So i took a break to calm myself down. Later that week my mom lectured me about mastering my emotions. I shrugged her off. I was fed up with her lecturing me. But the thought nagged me all day. And i swallow my pride to say she is right. I have no control over my emotions. I get obnoxiously angry for the pettiest of slights. I suppress my rage when i get criticized at work bc i sure as hell dont want to be fired. Deep down i feel very lonely and insecure. My art doesn't do as good as I hoped, I have no hobbies or a social circle. And every day where im reminded of what I should have had but don't I get all the more low. But it's better to deal with the anger than with low self esteem. I don't lie I blame God for a lot of my problems but.. It's all me. I'm the one who chose to flunk out of school. I'm the one who chose to lash out at people who did nothing to me. I'm continuing holding my anger instead of digging deeper into the other emotions hidden inside. I have so much sadness but not a Benz to cry in. I weaponize anger so I wouldnt have to confront such painful feelings. Because so many people overlooked my good qualities and focused solely on my flaws I began to believe o wasn't a good person at all and became aggressive and confrontational. But i can't do that I can't hurt others just because I'm hurt.

I understand now if I want to live a better life I have to stop holding on to rage. I have to stop being lazy and relying on bitterness. I have to learn to open myself up to others and learn to love myself with the flaws and negativity and i have plenty of both. I need to live compassionately and healing the sad inside. I dream of experiencing life. I dream of having light and love and laughter and honesty, away from darkness and pain.

I dunno if anyone feels the same. It's not my place to say. But I can't keep dreaming if i don't put in the effort to make that dream happen.

[marinerainbow]

Alright I think I've held off on this long enough...

Reala headcannons since I'm bored and I saw people make awesome headcannons for the jester.

(I warn you guys though, these can be triggering. Be sure to check the tags before reading)

At first, Reala didnt really care for the visitors, Nightopia or the nightopians. They were either a source of ideya for him, or entertainment when he was feeling bored or stressed. However, after NiGHTS left him for Nightopia and the visitors (at least that's how he sees it) then he started actually resenting them and seeing visitors and nightopians as the real enemy.

Considering how Wizeman treats him, I wouldnt be surprised if Reala only saw worth in him based on how his master sees him. For example, he doesn't really accept praise from others unless it's from Wizeman, and he will take criticism- for lack of better word- from Wizeman much more seriously then he would if it came from someone else (hence why he didnt care when NiGHTS called him a coward). The reason why is because Wizeman has twisted and abused Reala so much, especially after NiGHTS left, that he made him believe that he's nothing without him.

That's not to say he doesn't have pride! He knows that he is good at his job, he knows that he is one of the most powerful nightmaren in Nightmare, he knows that he was created to be the best of the best. His problem is that Wizeman is a large part of him (at least he's been led to believe that) so when Wizeman calls him worthless, he starts wondering about his own self worth. If the power he holds, his status, and everything else are all worth it if his master doesn't think he's good enough.

NiGHTS is a very important part of Reala, as he is for them. They are opposites, yet one in the same. Two sides of the same coin if you will. Reala would help NiGHTS keep control of themselves and take things seriously, while they helped him relax more and was the only nightmaren that could convince him to have fun and see himself as more then just Wisemans asset. Now that they are not only separated but fighting on opposing sides, it's clearly taking a toll on them both (they just show it in different ways). Of course, this doesn't mean that they can't live without each other, far from it! It's just that they never really had the chance to live without each other before NiGHTS' rebellion (and we all can see how that is turning out.)

I imagine Reala is indeed materialistic, and has plenty of hobbies of his own outside of work. However, as mentioned above, will treat himself based off of how Wizeman treats him. If he is praised, then he'll treat himself (him saying he's earned it) But if he's 'scolded' then he won't allow himself to indulge in what he likes/wants (him punishing himself for disappointing his master).

Reala longs to be more then a tool. He will go above and beyond to prove his worth to those whose opinions he actually cares about, like Wizeman or NiGHTS before their betrayal (it's why he got so offended when NiGHTS called him a puppet) There is a part of him that is aware of how Wizeman really sees him and that how he treats him isn't right, however it is quickly pushed down by him trying to deny it all ("Why would my own creator do these things to me if I don't deserve it?"). If Reala actually gets the chance to be around NiGHTS without fighting them, then I'm certain that they could help him break out of that mindset. It would take awhile, but it's possible.

Although Reala is indeed a victim of Wizeman, that doesn't mean he's completely innocent either. Like any abuse victim can, he's picked up on behaviors and habits from Wizeman and- subconsciously or not- will act out on them sometimes. The times he does this consciously are when he manipulates visitors to distrust NiGHTS (that scene where Reala was talking to Helen? I'm sorry but there is no way that Reala didn't mean to make her think NiGHTS was a bad guy). Times where he acts on the subconsciously though is when he speaks harshly, almost in a commanding or uncaring way, to NiGHTS (I'm certain there are better examples, but we dont really get to see much of Reala in either games). Of course, if given time, Reala could break away from these behaviors and habits.

Ok, now with all of that out of the way, here are some fluffy headcannons.

Reala does enjoy self care (i.e baths, massages, grooming in general, etc), even if he does focus alot on his job. When he and NiGHTS were on better terms, they would set aside spa days for each other, just them spending time with each other while also keeping up they're appearances.

Even though he can be cruel and rough, Reala does have a soft spot for the softer things in life (materialistic or otherwise). He has a far too rough life and goes through all sorts of backbreaking training to ensure he's on top that he has grown fond of anything that can provide comfort (a soft bed, a warm fireplace, a comforting friend, etc).

Reala is a lover of the arts as well. Particularly music and literature. So much so that he has his own invisible instrument (violin) and writes his own poetry and music sheets. However, since Wizeman won't allow anything like that in the castle, Reala hides them away from everyone else. The only one who knows of his artistic hobby is NiGHTS.

Reala is a cat person. He likes cats. If he had a pet, it would be a feline of some kind. Not much more to say here.

And that's all I have! What do you guys think? Dont be afraid to give constructive criticism!