#if you dont like the direction this blog turns then i would encourage you to interact selectively

[ooctlt]

I really like this blog most of the time, but sometimes you take reasonable earnest asks that are trying to be thoughtful, and are such a dick about it.

Like if it's the characters being dicks, fine. But you could say something in the tags or post to indicate you're not just viciously mocking someone for trying to engage.

I still haven't submitted an ask since seeing your response that led to comments along the lines of "anon should go die in a hole" for asking, pretty reasonably, why harrow would want to stay with people she didn't seem to like or want to be around or interact with.

(i know, because she does like them and does want them around but doesn't know how to show it) but it's an ASK blog. How do we hear that from her unless someone ASKS

i understand it might be surprising and a bit hurtful to see an ask answered with the characters being mean/flippant, and for that i do apologize that it wasnt made clear that it would be a common thing in this blog. id like to issue the disclaimer: there is always the possibility that the characters here will not take your question well. they might answer rudely, and instigating behavior is not only encouraged but expected on both ends. this does not reflect my personal opinions as the artist; there are over 250 asks even after i constantly compile duplicates, and i will answer the asks that i personally like.

i will assume you are referencing the two most recent posts where gideon acts rudely and i repost an old panel: for the former i thought anon was really sweet for being so heartfelt and encouraging, but gideon isnt the kind of person who needs to be told shes brave for doing that by a stranger. it was a simple act of survival. and harrow is still very much in the passive deprogramming phase. the latter response was meant to kickstart (spoilers) what i will call the "dicks last resort" arc, where i clean out the inbox and share more simple, low effort, but potentially rude responses*. this is because i have roughly drawn almost daily for 87 days straight, and would like to recuperate without being burnt out because i love this blog and i love art.

this leads me to my next point: some of these answers will be curt and short and rude, because they are easy to draw. if i only prioritized the "good" asks or to make certain ask responses kinder, or longer, it wouldnt be a daily blog. it would be a monthly blog where 5 asks get answered among 100s. i didnt anticipate people asking about harrows piercings, and i considered shutting it down by just having harrow say she likes them etc. but i did want to give more insight into harrows character even if she wouldnt say so herself, and that took roughly 3 full unemployed nights. if i treated every ask in good faith the same way i wouldnt have time for anything else, because they take more effort and have to be seriously considered for the future. i can retcon their favorite ice cream or play off griddlehark fighting - it takes more to keep track of a narrative about people talking Around their issues

* by rude responses i mean "this will affect the 679ers negatively, much like making your sim 🧑‍���‍🧑➖➖ someone" there are a few asks planned to hurt in the same way one drafts a bad end in a visual novel, and this type of interaction is encouraged. of course if you dont want them to get worse dont send asks telling gideon she should flirt with MILFs (you cant send this ask now i already said it), but i encourage the banter.

TL;DR this is the "characters think you are weird for personal questions" blog. i am sorry i didnt warn of the ask-response banter, because i also enjoy drawing these characters being dicks. i do like when aggravation and conflict leads to character development. "how do we get earnest answers unless someone asks" sometimes you will never explicitly get that from them, and thats what the dead ends are for: to let you know to try something else and read between the lines

[blood-and-poetry]

I dont at all think you intended it this way (and you don't at all need to publicly respond to this ask), but the post you recently reblogged from midnightssea contains a lot of gateway-TERF ideology (setting up men as inherently/naturally/biologically oppressors and women as a inherently/naturally/biologically oppressed class; drawing false equivalences; presenting this argument in hard absolutes with language like, "if you believe this, you're not really a feminist"). Often--not always! But often--this kind of mild, measured, not obviously TERF-y feminist discourse is used as a reasonable gateway to attract smart, compassionate, thoughtful people to agree with some base tenets of this ideology and ultimately encourage sympathy to more radical claims. Again, I'm not saying any of this to publicly call you out! That post just contains a few dog whistles and I want to make sure that you can hear them.

I’ve been scrolling through my blog for minutes to figure out which damn post you mean only to figure out that I reblogged that on my main @librinaut and not here. I feel kinda pressured to answer this, which is stupid in itself but I will post this to my feel-good blog even though I don’t like discourse here. This is meant in the kindest way possible, I am just not very good at not sounding passive aggressive. First of all, because it seems to be so important on tumblr to check every OP we reblog from lol, as you can see when you click on the original post, midnightssea specifially dislikes transphobia and tagged that post accordingly. Secondly, I have been following her for quite some time and she knows exactly what she is talking about when she is addressing feminist issues. I have a background in sociology and I have read my very fair share of theory so I might be in an ok position to judge that. I am not naive, I am educated in this matter and I know exactly what I am talking about or agreeing to. Nothing what she says has a hidden meaning and everything she says is correct. Now that’s out of the way: I think it’s incredibly heart breaking how basic feminist theory gets called a “dog whistle” or a “gateway” as if we are talking about a dangerous ideology here. Again, I am educated in those things and I hate how on tumblr or twitter terms like that are thrown around without any background or meaning. You seem to already have an issue with what OP directly said. Direct meaning isn’t a dogwhistle. I can guarantee you that OP dislikes transphobes, so there isn’t even a hidden meaning behind what you already disagree with. If neo-nazis (people who actually use dogwhistles especially in real life public settings) were using dogwhistles like that a lot of people in law enforcement etc would have much easier jobs. So no, dog whistles don’t work like that. In fact I have yet to see an actual dog whistle when tumblr calls one out. What OP talked about is basic knowledge, proven by statistics and historic records over and over again. If facts in regards to feminism are “problematic” then we are heading for some wild times the next decades. I also don’t quite grasp how what she wrote has anything to do with trans people. I heavily dislike how we are using terms such as “transphobia” “dog whistle” etc to describe the most basic grounds of feminism. Also painting it as if trans people are somehow all inherently opposed to feminism or the fight against patriachal structures. Which in turn at least my trans friends would find quite insulting. This is such a great example of how tumblr shoots itself in the seemingly progressive foot. In the sense of “Hitler was a vegetarian, let’s cancel animal activism” we are cancelling truly progressive, useful terminology and facts because some people who are deemed problematic are also using them alongside things we don’t like. Ultimately damaging progress in the name of owning whoever we want to own. I’m seeing this in a lot of instances, not just with this example. This is not meant in a mean or condescending way but seriously, without a personal moral compass all of us are in danger of falling for blind ideology and hollow buzzwords. I love when people disagree with me because it makes me question my own opinion and gives me an opportunity to expand or change it. But just talking about how something is problematic because it uses certain words isn’t an opinion I can argue against or expand my own knowledge with. It’s like a cardboard cut out of an opinion and I know I will only argue against buzzwords instead of against true arguments. If you are interested in discourse or theory or want to know where I come from: I base my current socipolitical ideological framework roughly around Engels “The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State”, which gives a great overview of material thinking in regards to class analysis even though I am not agreeing with him on everything. But it’s more about HOW to think and not WHAT to think. It gives some good food for thought regarding feminist class analysis in a capitalist framework though. For data and statistics I recommend “invisible women” by Caroline Criado-Perez and the Women’s Atlas (there are new ones every few year I think?). It’s mainly just numbers and you can form your own opinion based on that. A lot of times there are pdfs of these books floating around somewhere. And lastly: This and my main blog focus on feminist issues and just... on women and my attraction to women. Under “mp” on this blog (blood-and-poetry) you can find some of my posts about TV shows and characters that will paint a pretty clear picture on what my personal views are. If you feel uncomfortable with that (which is fair. I have some strong opinions) you can of course unfollow me. Again not meant in an “ugh go away stupid anon” way but in a “maybe we just don’t have anything valuable to contribute to each others life” way. Despite all of this I am thankful for your kind tone and your honest concern! In turn, I am showing some friendly concern and I hope you can read it as such. Take care anon

[junkworldusa]

belated book asks, thank you for indulging me!

1- What book are you currently reading? bros karamazov, 2/3s through atm.

i hate that i’m thinking about pathologic (video game) the entire time but i can't help it. the way characters are constantly bursting into people's houses & going "you’re an angel, you're the best person i've ever met, you're a saint" to someone they just met 5 minutes ago is so. distinct. i joked on twitter that the first half of the book is just alyosha running around completing sidequests, which i still think is true, but once i got to the grand inquisitor part i was like "Okay mr dostoevsky, you’ve got me."

2- What book did you recently finish? "selections from science & sanity" by alfred korzybski, recently featured in the gumby quotes. a while back i listened to a 6 hour long interview with robert anton wilson where he talks about korzybski & general semantics so i gave it a shot. it's an abridged version of a 900 page book & i definitely plan on reading the full work at some point, it's wild. if you’re interested in language, consciousness, the gap between words & meaning, and/or hacking your brain i would recommend it. he repeats himself a lot but that's a side effect of his pedagogy, the goal of which is the eventual re-wiring of your entire nervous system in order to achieve a more rational worldview/healthier reactions to things. (so repetition via words/sounds/actions is necessary 2 engage the organism-as-a-whole.) the most important takeaway for me is that everything & everyone you interact with is a completely unique object, and this necessarily extends to temporality-- Bob in 1999 is NOT the same person as Bob in 2010, and treating them as though they were is a harmful mistake. interestingly enough, im taking a class with J.F. martel (weird studies podcast, author of "reclaiming art in the age of artifice") & last night he said what amounts to exactly the same thing, except he was arguing for like, a soft animism (i-thou vs. i- it) & korzybski was arguing for a more "rational" & secular world. so fascinating.

3- What’s a book that’s been on your to-read list for a long time? ulysses. i know. i know. i have a copy but keep bouncing off of it. idk why, i liked portrait of the artist as a young man. i think i’m worried i’ll turn into this person:

4- What’s the next book you’re hoping to read? i just got "speech play: research & resources for the study of linguistic creativity" in the mail so probably that. i'm on a childlore kick rn & this is like... horizontally related 5- Is there a book you own, but aren’t planning on reading?

around 2 years ago i was walking home after a show high on E & i ran into a guy i had met at work a couple times. went over to his apartment because MDMA is like, "everything is SO meaningful and SO much fun." i barely remember our conversation but he ended up being like "you would like this book, here take it, i have 3 copies." so i now own a copy of "the eater of darkness" by robert m coates. i still haven't read it. the moral of this story is [???]

6- What was your favorite series as a kid? Would you still read it now? so many of you asked this question :P

THE TRUTH: i was obsessed with lotr from age 8 to 13 with a level of dedication that i've never known since. yes, i would still read it now. i reread the silmarillion last year & it was naturally a way more rewarding experience than when i was a kid! 8- Fantasy or sci-fi? i like & have read a lot of older sf/f (le guin asimov pkd etc etc) but im not actively into either nowadays. i read whatever reaches me from the queer sf/f twitter pipeline (like whatever's on wizards vs lesbians) but otherwise dont pay much attention. so the answer is "idk!!!”

12- Have you ever read a celebrity memoir? If so, whose was it? the only memoir i've read in recent years has been "memories, dreams, reflections" so if jung counts as a celebrity, there you go 14- Fiction or non-fiction? non-fiction in both quantity of books owned & what i prefer reading. i almost view them as 2 separate activities bc the motivation for & experience of reading them are so wildly different 15- Favorite fiction genre? i know i said im not "actively into" sci fi but 16- Favorite non-fiction genre? "philosophy" i guess. i also really love any phenomenological/experience-based studies of paranormal stuff, like "the terror that comes in the night" by david hufford or anything by jacques vallée. basically books that both a) take strange experiences seriously & b) examine/catalogue them scientifically (to whatever degree). 

22- How do you organize your books? “poorly” 26- What’s your favorite book? fav non-fiction book: “time loops” by eric wargo. what if freud's career-making "irma dream" was a premonitory dream about the oral cancer that would severely impede his quality of life in his old age? (fantastic blog entry by the author, serves as a kind of intro to this topic: http://thenightshirt.com/?p=4326 )

when i read “time loops” it felt like everything i had ever read (& will ever read future tense) was for the sole purpose of understanding it. “time loops” picks up where J.W. dunne's 1927 "an experiment with time" left off. i won't say too much more about it but everyone should read it. it's so smart & engaging & will totally blow your miiiind, maaaan speaking of "an experiment with time," in 1964 a guy named vladimir nabokov began an experiment of his own following the directions dunne laid out in his book. dunne encouraged readers to write down their dreams in order to test the theory that a later event could generate an earlier dream.

nabokov’s experiment with dreams & time strongly influenced “ada or ardor: a family chronicle” which happens to be my favorite novel. i first read it when i was 18, and i've reread it 3 times since then (with the help of ada online, my beloved http://www.ada.auckland.ac.nz/ ) i would not recommend this book to anyone who doesn’t already like nabokov & know what he’s about. it’s fucked up & self indulgent & i love it so much

30- What character do you connect with the most? when jung said he was bad at math? i felt that

[lilac-den]

hi lovely i hope this doesn't come off the wrong way or doesn't offend you and i don't want to be rude or anything but you're excellent. You're literally amazing. Your characters are amazing and your game will be amazing. please please don't rush yourself or feel guilty about your pace. you're doing everything in your own time and that's completely fine, great even!! I'm with the crowd of people who are patiently waiting for the game and will offer endless support and encouragement. you asked why we have faith in you and the game as if you didn't already let us catch a glimpse of your brilliance with the 2 chapters that are up and heck everything on this blog already. i love the concept and characters so much and I'm sure you'll exceed all expectations cause you're amazing!! don't worry too much, take your time with it nobody would forget about you or the game. You're the bees knees and dont you forget it. also ik its been a few days but i hope that personal stuff you were going through is going alright and that you're doing better<3 anway please send Ares a shy glance from me ^~^

-❤️🐝

(For such sweetness from ❤️🐝)

Spoilery! 👇🏻

F!Ares x MC

The chatter of the coffee shop serves nothing more than ambience for you and Ares. Sitting in the café, on a day off no less, is nothing short of a miracle.

"Here you go! Two honey lemon tea." Frida places down the drinks, sending me a cheeky wink. "Also got a special deal for the seat in two." Her voice is, while friendly, underlies a playful tone that I know directs to me hanging out with Ares. I try to push down the heat that comes to my cheeks, knowing that Ares is to perceptive to miss Frida's nudging without needing to look at her.

Fortunately, she doesn't speak up about it.

"Thank you, Frida." I give her a smile of warning, resisting the urge to hide under a rock somewhere. Once Frida is out of sight (maybe attempt spying on what she assumes to be a date), Ares reaches for the handle of the cup in front of her.

"Is your friend usually this obvious?" She asks, taking a sip on her drink with her lips around the rim of the cup.

At least, I assume them to be soft; can't imagine the amount of time I try to learn the feel.

"She tends to be more open when she's more excited." I dart my eyes to my drink as I answer, receiving just an affirmative hum from her. But as I sip on my tea, I glance up and over the ring of my cup.

Ares has turned her blue eyes to the window, sunlight basking in to give her fair skin a pleasant, warm glow. It isn't hot weather today; just a soft, cloudy time in the middle of winter. Her black hair is let down, with a few strands framing her eyes and a red turtleneck hugging the muscles and curves of her torso and arms. I found myself flushing with admiration, eying the way her blue eyes grow soothing and serene.

She glances at me from the corner of her eyes and I, feeling like I got caught, quickly dart my eyes down and focus more on sipping the tea in my hands. I don't dare to look up anymore.

But something compels me to look. So I dart my eyes back up. The image that burns into my mind stands before me, with Ares still looking at me from the corner of her eyes still as a light smirk plays upon her lips. Her blue eyes seem to spark even more, similar to ice reflecting light.

I can't muster up a response, not with my own heartbeat pounding like a drum and my mind clear of any rational notions.

Thank you for the support! o(*°▽°*)o

[thisdreamplace]

(Sorry bit long)

To the anon who encouraged us to not give up, thank you so much.. I literally just thought of "what if I can't achieve my career, what If can't become who I want to be."

I know Tarot kind of contradicts the Law of Assumption (which is why I'm leaving it behind now, and I'm becoming more focused on how I do have control over my fate and reality) But Tarot reads more of energy, and its not set in stone.

Last night I got a reading about my future career that I wouldn't be in my desired position, and I gave feedback saying well I'd appreciate it if I was in a leadership position since I like leading others in a good way. I'll admit I may have sounded too "proud" which is my ego that I'm aware of. The person replied and said I may be better under someone's control because I get too focused on one area instead of seeing the big picture. I agreed with it, because it was true. I do tend to do that, and I also admit I have a big ego which is something I'm trying to balance. Before you judge the reader or me, I really did appreciate the criticism. It made me more aware of what I could focus on. Plus I know energies aren't set in stone and are always changing.

This did get me thinking of "what if I really can't achieve my career".. "what if I'm too egoistic? What if I'm too childish and can't keep my cool?" I was concerned. Then I saw this and anon telling us to not give up. You can achieve anything, since the future does not exist. Only the present exists. The reason why we think the future exists is because of thoughts and assumptions. The past does not exist, if we didn't have memories, the past would not exist. This is why revision works, it's because we can trick our subconscious mind.

I'm gonna stop here before the post gets too long, it was supposed to be more of an appreciation post. Thank you.

i am so glad that post found you at the right time !! :) you are anything you want to be, so i know you are successful. i cant wait to read your success story one day. 💖

tbh, something you said relates to something ive thought about and so i’ll say it here. but its ultimately unrelated to the point of your ask. and i know you already said youre leaving tarot behind, so this truly isnt directed at you. its just my general thoughts lately and you brought the subject up on my blog so why not share :)

when it comes to tarot, astrology, and all those other tools i actually think its imperative to let them go. i fully get how people tend to hide under the guise of, “well its just reflecting ME” (its the truth, so yes its entirely fair to say) and i even used to say that too so i didnt step on toes. when it comes to knowing in relation to the law, we often say we know things, but we only get it intellectually. we dont know it to be true on a feeling level, and that makes all the difference.

until you have ACTUALLY fully taken understanding that you are the only cause and only ever will be the only cause of your experiences, theres no point to keep relying on those tools in that way. if youre living in the end why would you check to see what the cards or stars have to say about your “current” condition ? as far as im concerned you should already know your current condition — youre in the state of the wish fulfilled and youre staying faithful to it. through your loyalty, it hardens into fact. that is your confirmation, that is your “check in” of where you’re headed. youve already seen it in your mind’s eye.

what happens is we dont let those things go (we dont buy the pearl) and on a level we keep second causes alive. its a subtle level but its there regardless. we keep giving our power away, even if its subtle. neville said you have to die to the old story completely — what are we doing keeping the old story alive ? we used to love those “tools” because it was a second cause that gave us hope or direction, no ? what do we actually get in contuining to turn to them, when we only need to turn within for answers ?

now if you truly enjoy those things, return to them when you have bought the pearl and feel stable in your belief that you are the one and only creator. then go have fun with those things, knowing how they truly dont mean anything at all.

from my experience, and thats the only experience i can truly speak of, is that understanding your role as being the ONLY cause of your reallty is imperative to this journey. when you want to stop manifesting things here and there, and want to manifest a beautiful lifestyle effortlessly… you will buy the pearl and fully step into your power.

[jimlingss]

Dear Miss Kina, it's me again! First of all, congratulations on finishing your final fanfic on this blog! It was immensely what i've been waiting and hoped for. You definitely played with my heart till the very end! It's kind of like - with every fic you've released till now from Seokjin fics to Jungkook fics - every one of them are all so perfectly crafted, every member gets so written well that sometimes time flies so fast when im reading it!

I waited, and read The End for like two hours? And it was really worth it (im wriitng this at like 3am too) like damn i was pausing every second because I was just trying to decipher whatever was happening in each scene, it was all a lot to take in because with each scenario created with the boys, it almost felt like six whole fics crammed into one! The scrollbar was really small n wasn't moving at ALL when i was reading the first few parts and i was like, "wait this feels more like a 60k than a 31k ㅠ��" ??? Like how??? But i was smiling as i was reading through the whole thing, to find out it was a Jin centered fic -- and honestly all of your Jin fics are godtier -- i was like "YES YES YES OMG YES I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING" n it was real fun to guess which member went next and how the scenario would turn out.

N i really loved how smooth u incorporated both oc and Jin during each scenario, their bickering was so fun and their moments made me go "AWW WTF I WISH I WAS OC ATM" AND OMFG especially that parf where ic asks jin if he ever knew her before everything happened n the whole "like you love me" scene went down -- my mouth was WIDE open i was tearing up and i screamed so loud lmaooo omg ur like the only writer to actually make me react so violently about that ○_○ n when the scene wherein oc wakes up and doesnt see jin and rushes out, the way you wrote it, you sense the urgency and the dishevelled/rampant thoughts of hers when she sees seokjin on the floor bleeding like that and all the way to the hospital scene where she cant even talk despite feeling so sick DAMN i cant even stop staring at the screen even tho my head hurts from being awake all night (but honestly ur worth it)

Like if i had to rank the individual realities where reader ended up with, i think the one i got sadder for was the Taehyung reality -- the oc in that universe couldn't even have time for herself n gradually drowned in becoming a mother and a wife n all i could think of was "tae u should at least treat your wife >:((" n with Yoongi's i was like "whut's happening," and instead of being hurt about it i for no reason started to discuss my thoughts onto thin air "i dont want a partner like yoongi, they dont have time for e/o n thats kinda sad" n thats where i really started to guess maybe every scenario has a major downside but i had to figure it out. N then with Hoseok n Joon's i felt my heart crack a lil bit bc the oc's insecurities in that part (she felt world's apart to hobi n then inferior to joon) i was like...this is me n I DIDNT WANNA FEEL THAT WAY IN A RELATIONSHIP so then again i started to talk to myself looool. Then we have Jimin's that got me like damn :(( thats kind of harsh -- being in a reality with oc in the picture removes the fact that jimin had a stable life. And i guess with every scene you made with all members (did that intend to give me life lessons or sum uhh)

And last but not least, Jungkook's! Not gonna lie, i also thought he was gonna cheat on oc bc she mentioned she was a racer, thats the reason he was late to her bday dinner, but then the dots started to connect when she mentioned why jin looked solemn in the hospital (re: everything that i mentioned a paragraph or two before)

I do know this was loosely based on TATBILB, but as i was reading through it i found so many similarities to it. Like the BTS UNIVERSE incorporated in where Jin goes back in the last to try and desperately change the future where he is not there in order to stop people from getting hurt. And also Orange (one of my fav mangas) where Naho received letters (along with her friends) from her alternate self to save Kakeru from committing suicide, and it had the happy ending too wherein she stopped him from getting right in front the truck (tho there were mistakes that she didnt do correctly)

And that's all 😭🤧 im sorry if this ask was really long. But i wanted to say thank you for creating all of these wonderful stories! They made my day n i could still rmember finding out about you as a baby army myself so i could say you were part of my journey as a new army msksksksk. It was such a great fun time to be waiting for new fics to drop, new chapters released and announcements and funny asks to scroll through on my tl! I do hope you do well in whatever you embark on from now on and hey you'll finally get to publish a book! And i'll most likely read that too ^^ happy 5 years to the blog^^ thank you user Jimlingss, thank you Kina!

omg thank you for this amount of feedback and your extensive praise, I feel undeserving of it hahaha anyway, thank you for taking your time to enjoy the end. honestly, I was aiming for it to be a 50k fic to just really indulge you all as my last story. But as I was writing it, it turned out muuuch shorter to my exasperation. but it still stands as my longest oneshot and I think it ended up pretty great in spite of being so much lower than my intial word count goal. that being said, I'm glad it felt long to you!!

Also thank you for giving me a run down on your thoughts on the other timelines LOL it was really fun for me to think about it as well and consider what OC and Jin would've chosen had they chosen. While each had their downsides, some of them they liked more than others. since you indulged me so much with such a long message, I'll indulge you as well....OC's choices prob would've been JK > Tae > Joon > Hobi > Yoongi > Jimin. While Jin (if he could make the choice for her), it would've been Joon > Tae > Yoongi > Hobi > Jimin > JK.

I came up with the whole idea of the end. while watching TATBILB cause I thought this whole alternative reality worlds was gonna happen but nope, they took a much different direction lol and I'm happy to hear you mention Orange bc that was one fantastic manga I read!! Personally, I find the end. to be the love child between The Truth Between Us and The Seven Kinds of Love (with a sprinkle of Seven Seconds in Heaven) hahha there's definitely elements of pre-existing stories to this guy but I don't mind so much since it feels like almost a call back to them :')

Anyway thank you for the love and encouragement!! I'm sending well wishes to you too!!

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[airraidvehicle]

i adore wham city omg.. alan resnick really is just a guy <333 ANYWAYS pls pls tell me about klm 🤨 ive never heard of it before and i have a slight suspicion you might have a lot to say abt it

IM GETTING TO THIS ASK REALLY LATE IM SORRY i wrote a whole thing out but then tumblr refreshed and i forgot </3 ANWYAS komaedalovemail started in 2015 as a positivity blog using nagito as a sort of faceclaim! they would post encouragement, give advice to askers! if you look at earlier posts now you may see hints that the blog was going to take an eerier turn, though im not sure if those were edited later on or not

a lot of my interest in the blog comes from the neocities page, where users would search for pages while the arg was in full swing. a lot of the pages are now compiled in the portal you get directed to, some are unlisted though like /joker and i think /doctor? ANYWAYS as you look at the blog and the pages youll pick up on a lot of references to komaedakind, the species of the mods! komaedas are nonhuman entities that are made in the image of komaeda proper (the nagito komaeda you see in danganronpa)

the theme was recently changed to be more hospital themed and for a bit jesters and doctors had commonly come up, i wondered if this meant more information on the deity ouma due to a dice mention in /joker but so far there hasnt been a lot revealed. i feel like this is completely incomprehensible, if you want me to infodump about komaeda society let me know i dont want to write a several paragraph essay here

[sloppy-butcher]

Ok,new follower here. So this blog is amazing,you writings are just beautiful. I hope I can become as good as you, beause I would like to open my own blog, but I always think my works are too bad. Anyways, I don't know if you write soulmates stuff, like your partner name is written on your body or thigs like that. If so, could you write something related with Joey and Frank sharing the same male sm reader? If you don't feel comfortable writing for three characters or for a male reader it's fine!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support T_T I love you so much! I encourage you to start that blog because the only way to get better is to try. and if you do start a blog, drop me that link babey

So i spent a hot minute finding which soulmate alternative universe would best fit your request since you didn’t specifically state which au you wanted. Well, i found a reaaallly interesting one. hope it’s okay

This AU states that soulmates share pain. If one is hurt the other shows their wounds or bruises. I think this will work well with Frank and Joey and a survivor!S/O. I have no problem writing for a male S/O (although i will probs just make this gender nuetral as i dont see gender really playing an important role in this (and i prefer gender nuetral tings)) or for three characters. i will have to write this in HeadCanon form as i am very lazy and i dont want to write like a full fic T_T cause you know.... i have toomuch to say

hope these are okay? ily

Soulmate Au HeadCanons: Poly!The Legion (Frank and Joey) with a Survivor S/O

They realized their connection long before they even knew you existed. The theory was that soulmates shared pain and it was obvious to them that they were meant to be together. Joey would share in Franks pain, he could feel the scar that tore across his face and Frank could feel when Joey had worked himself far past his breaking point. They thought they were the only ones connected in this psychic-link, bound by a force too grand and cosmic to be comprehended by simple-minded mortals. But like the universe, fate works in mysterious ways and everything changed when you joined the Fog.

Joey first noticed it when he went to sit down at the end of a particularly gruelling workday. He felt his left shoulder explode into a burning hot pain and his body seized with the sudden shock. He barely held back his cries of a surprise but Frank wasn’t so well-restrained. Joey heard him from across the Lodge and fearing for his friend, ran off in the direction of his call ignoring his own body screaming for him to stop. He found Frank surrounded by a worried Julie and Susie. They looked between him and Joey, expressions from behind their masks piercing through to Joey's soul. They were worried for their friends, Frank’s scream and Joey’s sluggish and limp stature was enough to tell the girls that the pain the two were experiencing was, no doubt, incredibly excruciating. No one knew what had just happened, neither of them had been hurt or injured, and they feared that maybe the two were being punished by the Entity for a lacklustre performance. But both boys assured they did well enough to keep the thing satisfied and when the pain spontaneously faded, the whole incident was pushed out of their minds and momentarily forgotten.

But the pain never stopped completely. It was sporadic, turning on randomly like a lightswitch bursting with newfound anger and agony that would contort their limbs and burn their muscles. And there was nothing they could do to alleviate the pain, no amount of massaging or rubbing could take away the sharp edge of the hurt; there weren’t even enough painkillers in the realm to quell the agony. The only thing the boys could do was just sit there and wait for the pain to decide to go away. It was torture, sometimes the simple act of sitting alone was pure unadulterated suffering. But still, the boys had no idea where this pain was coming from.

It was only after Joey returned from a trial in which he had mori’d a rather annoying and pesky survivor that something started to click. Joey walked into the main lounge of the Resort and found his friends standing around the fire pit waiting for him. Frank had his shirt off and the pants of his left leg rolled up. Ordinarily the sight of Frank without his shirt on would excite Joey but something made him hesitate. A harsh red scar ripped down Frank’s chest and when Frank noticed Joey's reaction he held out his left arm for the other to inspect. Another red wound ran across the forearm. There was no mistaking it now. It was their trademark kill, a stab at the left arm followed by the grabbing of the left ankle then finished with the brutal gutting from the collar bone all the way down to the hip. “We watched it appear.” Julie’s voice wavered with concern. “We watched it appear on him as if...” She broke off ‘as if Joey himself did it to him.’. Joey approached Frank. Through the pinpricks of his mask, Joey could see Frank's eyes and he could feel his pain. Without saying much the girls made Joey take off his own shirt and directed him to stand next to Frank. When Julie stepped back to inspect both boys she raised a hand to cover the mouth of her mask and Susie audibly gasped. They were identical, both bore the exact same scars of the exact same knife.

To be honest, the boys would never have figured out the source of their shared pain. Combined the two barely make up a single brain cell so it was by the grace of God or something else that allowed the truth to finally be exposed. It was in a trial between you and Frank. The killer had been run around for the past ten minutes and with no sign of catching his elusive prey. You were impressed by your capable teammate and when they went down just outside the opened exit gate you leapt into action to save the wounded hero. You ended up sacrificing yourself for them, a worthy trade, everyone else got out except you. And, to you, that was okay. You were okay with this. Frank, however, was not. He was beyond furious at being denied his prey and when he trudged back to your collapsed form he felt his rage overflow him. He stood over you and you smugly returned his glare. That was it. In a swift motion, he punched you in the face. Your nose broke and blood gushed out and into your mouth. You screamed out but your cries, however, were mixed in with the killers. Frank recoiled, clutching at his mask where his nose would be. You watched in shock as he spilt swear words and stomped around you.

Curiously you reached up for your busted face and using your thumb and forefinger you squeezed the throbbing nose. Frank’s cries intensified and he clawed desperately at his mask. Through the haze he caught you staring at him in shocked amusement, which he mistook for condescending judgment. He growled and stormed over to you determined to make you regret everything. Panicking you grabbed your nose again and Frank jumped back. And then all the pieces fell into place. Frank could feel your pain. His eyes widened on your collapsed body and it felt as if his world was imploding. Oh shit.

It took some convincing but eventually, you agreed to meet Frank back at the Resort. He told you there was someone else, another ‘soulmate’ in this trifecta of fucked-up bullshit. You used the term ‘soulmate’ loosely. You had heard the stories about soulmates, people destined to be together would share such a special bond that they would even share pain. But never in a million years would you have guessed that your soulmate (or soulmateS) was, a serial killer. You really wanted it to not be real, you wanted this to be some kind of dream, a sick nightmare you were experiencing while laying on your deathbed somewhere far away. But there Frank was before you at the boundary between snow and forest,  like he promised you, with his partner Joey. You walked up to them and stopped at a safe distance away. Joey seemed to bloat his chest as if to say not to try anything. Frank looked at you and you knew you had to show him. Reaching up you grabbed at your nose which was starting to feel better but was still puffy and red. You put pressure on it and Frank began to shake with the pain. Frank moaned and clenched his fists in an effort to ride out the pain like Joey was but after a moment he relented and shouted at you to stop. Frank turned and muttered something to Joey who never took his gaze off you. You could have sworn that he was a stone-statue because he never moved and showed no sign that what you did had affected him in any way. But then you noticed his slight leg twitch and the irregular heaving of his chest. He did feel it. Frank returned his attention back to you and in the cold silence of realization, you said, “Well? What do we do now?”

You could have forgotten everything, walked away from the nonsensical situation that had been presented before you and continued on living a simple life devoid of drama and tension. But that life would also lack depth, something to make it special and worthwhile. You were presented with your soulmates, a rarity in this hellhole and something about the wonder of what made the universe decide to bring you all together surpassed your urge to stay away. Slowly but surely you introduced yourself into their lives. Your interactions at first were stiff and hollow, fear and uncertainty making you doubt if the boys would respect the bound of soulmates enough to not kill you or at least hurt you.

But time wore on and you became braver. They were gentle, well... they tried to be. And when you spoke with them as people do you realized that you had a lot in common with them both. And eventually, you were confident enough to laugh and joke with them.

Joey was the one who needed the most time to accept that you and he were soulmates. He eyed you suspiciously as you would talk with Frank, feeling some kind of jealousy build up in his chest. He hated how you could get Frank to react in ways he had never seen before. He hated how easy it was for you. One day when he had you alone to himself, he finally broke that long silence between you two. But where he expected a change in personality, a two-face switch, Joey only found genuineness. You were as kind and playful with him as you were with Frank, unfazed by your burden of the circumstance and not worried by his own mistakes and misfortunes. You were strong and he admired you for that. “How do you do it?” Joey softly asked clutching his hand which now held a new red welt. The mood quietened down and you turned to look at him. “How do you handle all this pain each and every day?” You reached out and gently took his hand in yours. Suddenly all his pain vanished at the contact and he slightly gasped at the shock. You were warm and comforting, like the wind of a summer’s afternoon, constant and welcoming. He raised his eyes to yours and you gave him your best smile. He melted. “One day at a time.” You replied squeezing his hand for emphasis. You relaxed and began to pull away only to stop as he held you firm, determined to not let your warmth go.

Frank always had a problem when it came to hurting you in trials. While Joey could suck it up and deal with the pain, Frank could not bear the thought of having a hook run through your shoulder and subsequently his. It was you who finally convinced him that his job was more important than your fleeting health.  You took Frank's hand in yours, engulfing him in your comfort and reassurance. “We can get through this. I will get better.” He breathed out and admitted, albeit to himself, that you were right. This was a momentary instance, a speck of nothing when compared to the kind of torture the Entity would inflict on him. And it wasn’t just himself he had to look out for, it was everyone. He had you and Joey he had to look out for. With a look apologetic regret Frank would mercilessly hunt you down and when he would lift you up and onto the meat hook he could hear you at the back of his mind saying, “Suck it up, Princess.”

They would always feel awful if you had a particularly bad day. You would trudge back to the Resort trying your best to hide from their concerned eyes your bruised limb or uneven walk but of course, they already knew what had happened. Joey would sweep you effortlessly off your feet and he would not let you walk around without his assistance. Frank, although less forward than the other, would follow behind and would pester you with questions, ‘Are you okay now?’ ‘Are you comfortable?’ ‘Anyway that he could help ease the hurt?’ They both were like oversized puppies yapping at your ankles because they heard you make a noise. You’d reassure them that you were fine and after exchanging doubtful looks between each other they would give in and give you some air.

They would listen to your stories. It's one thing to experience the pain and another thing to watch it happen. You’d tell them about how you got your injuries and more often than not you would end up a broken-down and crying mess. The image of looming figures silhouetted against an endless black sky haunts your mind. Although you all share the physical scars, the mental ones stay trapped inside you. When you would become an inconsolable disaster the boys would be by your side in an instant. By the time you regained control over your anxiety, you would find yourself buried in the arms of either Joey or Frank. You face pushed deep into their bodies as if they were trying to shield you from the monster that was yourself. It was scary, they could tell. But you weren’t alone. Not anymore. 

After a long day's work of causing and enduring pain, when your bodies would ache with collective suffering the 3 of you would find a quiet cove to all lie it. The boys would sleep on either side of you, draping their limps over you and almost drowning you in their weight. It felt good to be lost at sea with them, so far away from the pain of the day and from the pain tomorrow will bring. If for a moment, you all were at peace, happy and content in the embrace of your soulmates. 

[multifics-canary]

Marinette's New Shield ch. 3

Ch.1 ch.2

A/n: guys thank you so much for waiting patiently on this :'D it means a lot!!! Fair warning, it's a cliffhanger. Enjoy! I dont own miraculous ladybug

Marinette was exhausted. Ruby had almost been Akumatized hours ago, but managed to not turn and keep the akuma. After that whole ordeal, she had told Chloe to take the girl home to rest. The plan she had to expose Lila was practically gold, but it also involved practically destroying the ladyblog.

Alya worked so hard for that, she would be crushed.

And yet it wouldn't have been such a problem if she checked her own sources and asked Ladybug herself. The Culpa siblings practically spoke in her head, shielding her mind from all the negative things. Ruby seemed younger than Felix, almost the same age as Adrien, but she was fsr more mature in every way. If Marinette didn't recieve the miraculous, she would bet Ruby would've gotten it.

Speaking of which.

"Tikki?" The young girl called out to the red kwami, surprised by the silence. A few seconds passed, before the little red blur appeared before her. "Tikki! I got worried you were captured or something."

The little god giggled, kissing her chosen's cheek. "I was just out getting a bit of fresh air. You should check on your friend. You don't know what effects the akuma does, especially if she was still touched by the akuma."

"You're right." The noirette said, going to stand up, only to hear her phone buzz with a text. Looking at her kwami, she picked up the phone, seeing that it was a message from Marc.

Marc 1:34pm: hey mari. I know we havent talked in a bit, I went on a family trip and got really sick coming back. I was talking to Nath about all of us meeting and reviewing the next comic to publish, but he says some girl named Lila told him that she could talk to a famous writer-- who's dead mind you-- about helping us publish it. Nath was also skeptical, given that I told him the writer was dead. Nath wants to verfiy something with you, so is it cool if we meet up tomorrow? Sorry for the long text.

Marinette read and reread the text. Nathaniel wasn't one of the active Lila worshippers, but believed it to some degree. But thanks to Marc, she was probably going to get a friend back. She held back tears as she stared at the text, feeling Tikki hug her cheek.

"Marinette its okay. Let it out." The little kwami said softly. And for the first time since Lila came back, Marinette cried, letting go of all the stress she's held.

Losing her friends.

Being called a bully.

...Having someone believe her.

For the first time in a while, Marinette cried for herself.

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

Ruby laid down on her bed, soft music playing on her speakers as she wrote to her brother, not leaving out any detail of the plan and asking what should be changed.

After sending the email, because her brother liked to keep it professional, she moved her laptop, opting to grab a book and read. Stretching, she stood from her bed and went the small shelf she had and grabbed a book, only to throw it in a direction when she felt someone in the room. She turned, seeing Ladybug smile at her while holding the book in her hand.

"Ladybug, I didn't expect you to arrive." Ruby said, raising an eyebrow at the heroine. The spotted hero just smiled, walking over and handing the book.

"I wanted to check up on you. Though it has been a few hours since you were almost Akumatized, there could be some effects that could happen later." Ruby nodded, going over to her bed. She sat on the edge and gestured for Ladybug.

"It would also be a bit suspicious if Ladybug came to someone's place in the middle of the day if there wasn't an akuma." The girl crossed her arms, seeming relaxed. But Ladybug knew Ruby was still a bit on edge.

"How are you feeling, honestly?" Ladybug asked, staring at Ruby. The girl in question sighed, looking down.

"A bit shaken. I know magic affects how you look and sound, but with Hawkmoth it was different. I know him, I'm almost positive about it. But I can't bring myself to get any evidence without hurting people I care about. I've always been able to have a sixth sense on everything, that's why they called me the more sensible one out of me and my brother." Ruby explained, fiddling with her sleeve.

Ladybug was in shock. Ruby probably knew who Hawkmoth and could possibly end this terror on Paris. But she knew she can't force her to reveal anything. Instead, she opted to listen, thinking that she could possibly a good holder in some near future, if she talked to Fu about it.

"I don't know if you know Marinette," Ruby started, grabbing Ladybug's attention, "but she's a good person in a bad situation. The tones she gives off are both spring and storm and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that storm came to prove everyone wrong. All I want to do is help her."

"The plan will work, Ruby." Ladybug said, smiling softly as she placed a hand over Ruby's, causing the girl to look up. "Sure it'll take a bit more time, but talk it out with those you trust. Chat Noir and I will back you up as well." The young Culpa relaxed, eyes shinning brightly as she stared at ladybug.

"Thank you Ladybug."

"Of course."

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

Next day

"Rubes!" Ruby looked up to see Lila walk over to her, a sweet smile on her face, though her eyes held a dangerous glint. In the distance, she saw Alya and the other mindless sheep stare, as if encouraging Lila to talk with her.

The girl sighed, closing her notebook and standing up, just as Lila reached her. "Hey Rubes. The others encouraged me to talk to you about Adrien. So I was hoping we could compromise." She said sweetly, but Ruby could feel the bad air around her.

"How about we talk about this in a more private location. That way we're not interrupted." Ruby narrowed her eyes as she spoke softly, gesturing for Lila to walk first. A scowl replaced the girl's fake smile and she walked forward. The young Culpa looked back and saw Adrien stare at her in worry, standing next to Chloe and Marinette, who wore the same expressions.

Make amends, Adrien. I'll be back in one piece. She stared at them for a bit more, offering a small smile before walking off with Lila.

They entered a quiet room, Ruby fumbling with her phone before putting in her front pocket, just as Lila turned around. "I don't know what kind if game you're playing, but let me make this clear, Adrien is mine. And I'll ruin you just like I did to that baker girl." Lila sneered, her glare practically murderous. But Ruby wasn't effected.

In fact, Ruby smirked, walking forward confidently to the girl and watching as she lost her edge began stepping back. Her back hit the wall and she started to panic as Ruby placed a hand on the wall next to her head. "Oh sweetheart, I'm not playing any games. I said it before when I said Adrien is like a brother to me. If only you stopped your lies, maybe you would have a chance. And if you played for the other team." Ruby said cheekily, leaning forward. She watched as Lila pale before blushing madly, pushing Ruby off of her.

Ruby just composes herself, her eyes turning cold as she stared at Lila. "You had you're chance to apologize. Keep the sheep for all I care. Before I leave, I'll make sure Marinette gets the attention she deserves. She's not someone you can manipulate to suicide, unlike those in your last school." She paused, seeing the color drain from Lila soon hearing that.

"And Adrien is not a prize for you to win. You claim to have all these connections to famous people. But none of them check out. Especially since you claim to be friends with those who were dead long before you were born."

"So what if I lied?! They'll believe anything I say! Its not my fault that girl killed herself for having other bully her! They just wanted to hear interesting tales--"

"And yet, it was you who whispered the lies in their ears. Just like you're doing now. With connections such as yours, you would be smart to think about what you say. Before this, I was told that Marinette was almost gone and that you've caused at least 4 akumas to go after her. Not to mention that you willingly have been Akumatized."

"How do you know all this?!" Lila shrieked, her face red and she balled her hands into fists. Ruby gave an unimpressed stare, crossing her arms.

"A real reporter checks the facts. There were cameras around Paris, and unlike the ladyblog, my blog is backed up by a big company. Alya is lucky I'm not blacklisting her blog for false information. Not yet anyways." She turned, ready to walk out, when she stopped, glancing back at the fuming girl.

"And claiming to be friends with Ladybug of all people, when you knowingly want her dead, is putting a big target on your head. Plan all you want to call me out, I'll be waiting for the extremes you to achieve that." With that, she left the room. Lila fummed on the spot, wondering how a brat like Ruby knew so much.

I'll make sure everything you say is a lie, Ruby.

Ruby took out her phone from her pocket, smiling at the recording before saving it and making a copy of it. She walked back to her spot, hearing pairs of steps walking towards her. Looking up, she saw Alya with some of the girls around her, as well as Marinette walk towards her.

They stopped and stared at each other upon reaching Ruby. Both looked uncertain, Alya more hateful than Marinette's. Ruby, getting agitated, stands up stepping between the two before words can be said.

"Look I don't know what kind of drama you both have, but its petty. Whatever Lila has told you about Marinette can't possibly be true, but would you know, Alya? Seeing as you never asked Marinette." She stood in front of Marinette propectively, staring down at Alya.

"The rivalry between me and Lila over a boy is ridiculous and I would never stoop thst low just to keep someone I know away from soemone else. Now if you'll excuse me, I have something to write." Alya and the girls stared in shock as Ruby walked away, Marinette scurring after her.

"What-- forget it. Let's find Lila." Alya said after recovering, the others nodded and following the checkered shirt girl.

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

During lunch, Ruby went to find Marinette, when she saw she was with two boys. One with black hair and a red jacket while the other had red tomato hair and a dark grey cardigan. They were talking, Ruby couldn't hear however due to being far, but found out Marinette was crying. The girl was about to go iver there, when Marinette lunged herself at the two boys, hugging him tightly.

She smiled at the scene and turned away, knowing she can find Marinette later. Instead, she walked out to the courtyard, when a scream echoed out. Ruby ran and saw the Alya and others run away, as an akuma jumped down from a ledge, looking around.

"Lila it's okay!!" Alya yelled, dodging a projectile that was aimed for her. The reporter managed to active the akuma alert, causing everyone in the school and in the area to be alert of what was happening.

"You!" Ruby turned and saw Lila stare at her menacingly.

"Oh my, this proves my words even more. You're after me right? Let's see if you can catch me Rossi." Ruby smirked, dashing out to the front doors, an enraged Lila behind her.

"Lila no! Whatever Ruby said wasn't true!" Alya had yelled trying to follow. But something began to block the front doors. "Lila!"

The girl looked like a spider, her skin deathly pale, eyes red and enraged staring as Ruby ran. Surprisingly, she was fast, but since Lila was an akuma she could catch up. People had already left the scene when the alert sounded, everyone in the streets going to designated shelters until the akuma was dealt with.

Ruby didn't know how long she had been running, but when she reached the Louvre and saw no one, she relaxed. The air drastically changed and she turned, watching as Lila stalked over to her.

"Just because you know about my lies, doesn't mean anything. I can ruin you like that girl and make you look like a fool! But Hawkmoth wants to know if you actually know who he is." Lila smirked, shooting out a thread from her hair and throwing at Ruby. The girl dogded at the last second, though she knew that she can't dodge forever.

"So you're a truth seeker? Or stealer to make them you're own?" Ruby remarks, dodging multiple threads.

"Shut up!!" Lila screeched, throwing double the threads than before. Ruby's wyes widen, knowing she can't dodge that many, when a figure jumps in front and blocks all of the threads. Ruby hears Lila snarl lowly as she stared at Chat Noir.

"Looks like the cat has come to play."

Chat Noir doesn't reply, only giving a deadly glare to Lila as he stood protectively in front of Ruby. The sound of a yo-yo echoed and Lila was wrapped from the waist up and yanked back to the wall, crumbling on top of her. Ladybug lands next to Chat Noir, both of them watching as Lila picks herself up from the rubble.

"You okay, Ruby?"

"I'm fine, Ladybug." Ruby panted, stepping back as Lila let out a scream.

"Ladybug. Why don't you come here for a bit. So I can get a good look at your earrings." Lila growled, before lunging at the three. Chat Noir quickly grabs Ruby and they all dodge out of the way.

They land on a roof that was fair distance away from Lila, Chat Noir setting down Ruby gently. Ladybug noted that her partner was quiet, which was unusual for someone like him.

"Theres a chance the akuma could be in her earring, hair tie, or bracelet. She wasn't carrying any purse when I talked to her." Ruby states, looking at Lila with a calculating look. "She's after me. I can be a distraction while you guys--"

"What? No!" "Out of the question." Both heroes reply at once, startling the young culpa.

"We have-- duck." Ruby suddenly said, pushing both heroes quickly as a thread shot towards them. The thread hit her and felt heat in her throat and felt her body being pulled. Vaguely she heard the heroes scream her and suddenly she felt herself being held tight.

She heard Lila laugh and move away from the heroes. "Now, lets find out what your hiding, shall we?"

General tags: @kristycocopop

@ignorantly-apathatic

@reallyobscurememe

@sendvitamind @alldogsarebetterthanpeople @k19kitten

@teresarosiadeviluke2112

@silent-storms-posts

@krunchy-tuna

@k-rena-k @grandmaveitch @ezio-demon @politelyvicious @surprisebishhhhhhhhh @ace-eclipse

Regular tags: @natu123 @imagine-lcorp @the-wlw-cafe @mcgrathandwives @gale-of-the-nomads @nobodyfamousposts @miraculous-of-salt

[buildingrelationshipsinanarchy]

QIM Model | Dekoship Series | Phadship Series | Seroship Series

*As per uze, you dont have to read anything beneath the infographic itself, but I’m gonna try to add some theory to explain why this one excites me the most in the model*

So some significant people in my life and I have been discussing Anarchist theory lately with all of the uprisings and discussions of abolishing police. And while blogs like @queeranarchism​ and @hater-of-terfs​ are so much better read and have better takes on anarchism, direct action, current events, and politics in general, than I could hope to provide, its by those blogs and others that I’m inspired in the ways I am.

Mudships are just affinity groups you built to do some direct action. What is direct action? The link is to CrimethInc’s work Recipes For Disaster, and its intro is a good primer on it. To paraphrase it (who doesn’t like blockquotes?): 

Practicing direct action means acting directly to meet needs, rather than relying on representatives or choosing from prescribed options ... it most properly describes actions that cut out the middleman entirely to solve problems without mediation. 

Need some examples? You can give money to a charity organization, or you can start your own chapter of Food Not Bombs and feed yourself and other hungry people at once. You can write an angry letter to the editor of a magazine that doesn't provide good 72 coverage of the subjects you consider important, or you can start your own magazine. You can vote for a mayor who promises to start a new program to help the homeless, or you can squat unused buildings and open them up as free housing for anyone in need.

...

The opposite of direct action is representation. 

While things can get intense the more confident you get practicing direct action, my purposes here are in regards to relationship building and mutual aid. In the ABC’s of Anarchism, Berkman has this beautiful little quote (you ready for another one?):

If your object is to secure liberty, you must learn to do without authority and compulsion. If you intend to live in peace and harmony with your fellow-men, you and they should cultivate brotherhood and respect for each other. If you want to work together with them for your mutual benefit, you must practice coöperation. 

The social revolution means much more than the reorganization of conditions only: it means the establishment of new human values and social relationships, a changed attitude of man to man, as of one free and independent to his equal; it means a different spirit in individual and collective life, and that spirit cannot be born overnight. It is a spirit to be cultivated, to be nurtured and reared, as the most delicate flower is, for indeed it is the flower of a new and beautiful existence.

So when I talk about monogamy and capitalism, it isn’t to shit on people who do monogamy, its discuss how the cultural institution of monogamy is a social relationship. It’s to discuss not that practicing monogamy is the problem (although you’re not gonna catch me doing it), its to discuss how our culture perceives doing monogamy correctly and how that makes it worth critiquing if we were to imagine building a different society and attempt to make any meaningful steps toward it.

If doing monogamy ‘correctly’ is ‘investing’ time, money, emotional intimacy and sexual attention into one person, its obvious that it leaves so many people out of our lives that could add depth, joy, fulfillment, challenge, and transformative growth and change for us. Margaret Thatcher has a terrible quote: “There is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women and there are families.” I bring up this trashcan quote by this woman with dumpster politics to critique the idea of Family as well. Monogamy leads to nuclear families, not all of the time, but enough of the time for most of us to have that experience.

But what is Family? Blood ties to people and access to their material resources? That’s how inheritance works, which has torn a part families by fighting over the resources by who gets what. Familiy also has colloquially meant familiarity with certain human beings thats developed or long periods of connection and time. How many of us have found people in our lives who have loved us deeper than our parents and siblings (if you still have, or ever had those)? My father passed a few years ago, and I’m virtually estranged with my mother and younger sister. Family in my life has been the partners and friends through the years who’ve had the patience, grace, and concern for my joy & well-being, it is them who has shared their time, energy, labor, money, food with me when circumstance would steal the ground beneath my feet. To discuss monogamy and family from the lens I’ve constructed is to talk directly about which social relationships become culturally validated and socially encouraged, and with it who gets access to what materials and why we watch others refuse to share it.

I talk about mudships as being relationships built around Mutual Aid and Solidarity, that whatever little circles we’ve built around ourselves don’t interrupt the ability to be charitable and generous with people outside of it. The individualism that’s reinforced by capitalism affects us by separating people from their communities, by leveraging human need against human values, by turning the world outside of our homes into a place ‘full of people who will take advantage of your naivete or good heart.’ This isn’t just some ideological or abstract concept, this word encapsulates why I have the current over my head that I do. It every much discusses how I’ve been able to keep an old roommate afloat after he was laid off of his job and couldn’t claim unemployment; and that was before COVID and its Lockdowns & Quarantines erased a huge chunk of the economy.

I don’t just say this to just encourage sharing. I say this as part of a larger conversation about how we’ve been encultured & propagandized to believe that some people don’t deserve access to healthcare, addiction therapy, housing, food, clean water, this list goes on. I want to start a conversation about building the social relationships that allow us to trust the people we’re sharing money, material resources, and labor with, in our own lives and to inspire the desire to get excited about helping those you may know are in need. 

We have so much need and so many stoked, yet unfulfilled desires that capitalism fuels and feeds off of, but does that mean we can do nothing about it? Does that mean we have to hope another Bernie Sanders shows up? I don’t want the quality of my time on this earth to be suffering in ways I can actively resolve or prevent. But I can’t do that alone, trying to do so is impossible. It isn’t a moral failing to not be powerful in a world separates you from the source of connection, inspiration, and depth, all of which exists in the hearts and potential of others.

Don’t let yourself forget that we always better connected than alienated. 

[webcricket]

Castiel Drabbles

Characters: CastielXDemon!Reader

Bat Out of Hell Lyric Prompt: #17 - “You’ve been nothing but an angel every day of your life, and now you wonder what it’s like to be damned.”

Word Count: 1362

Requested by: @ladyofletters67

Summary: The reader uses a bit of veracity and sass to vie for an angel’s affection.

<<<   >>>

Over the years, trial after trauma after countless trial compounding into a constant uncontrolled free fall toward humanity’s cause, everything Castiel thought he knew for fact dissolved into mere fiction perpetrated by his Father in a plot seemingly created solely for the entertainment of that self-same Creator.

Everything, that is, except one universal tenet of reckoning arising over and over no matter the situation: Everything comes at a cost. Nothing in life is free, least of all that will he fought fist and wing and wit whilst falling to embrace.

Which accounts for his stubborn suspicion about your motives in helping the Winchesters - not coming to their aid on one or two occasions, but rising from the fires of Hell whenever they get stuck in a rut, and just as often availing your support even when they aren’t. After all, demons don’t take day trips out of the pell-mell of perdition to offer assistance unless they want something in return.

The what is what the seraph cannot figure out. What has him both dubious and intrigued in such a manner he can’t keep his thoughts, idle or otherwise, from wandering to you and the conflict of emotion - a push and pull dance between light and dark, divinity and doom, a cosmic waltz that leaves him dizzy - he feels every time he’s in your presence.

It’s what has him summoning you for interrogation to a generically furnished motel room off the I-90 with Sam and Dean well out of the way - generic save for the addition of a demon trap fastidiously spray painted in crimson on the carpet and for which Castiel’s, or rather, Jimmy Novak’s credit card will be docked for damages after he checks out and housekeeping discovers the disturbing decor.

You’ve dodged his queries before by disappearing - an action usually preceded by a flirtatious fluttering pink smirk and a suggestive wink. The trap guarantees you won’t get away without clearing up his confusion.

You manifest in an onyx-eyed akimbo-stance huff cursing the rudeness of your summoner when they could have simply picked up the phone and called because, ‘Hello! It’s not the dark ages.’

The dissatisfied murmur ceases, a smile spreading your lips to flash the pearly whites veiled beneath when you see the angel is the source of your involuntary vexation because this particular angel intrigues you as much, if not more, than you intrigue him.

Sure, when you first sauntered into the Winchester’s wheel house uninvited it was with the idea of indebting them to you in return for some future favor; but when you laid eyes on their ally, you got a glimpse of actual glory, and although your mortal soul be damned beyond saving, all else fled your thoughts save a taste for a different type of seraphim-assisted salvation.

If he doesn’t recognize your interest - nay, overt attraction - yet through that thickly righteous skull housing his celestial grey matter, all it means is that you need to keep knock-knock-knocking at Heaven’s door a little longer and, perhaps, a little louder.

“Angelcake, to what do I owe the pleasure?” You move a step and a half in his direction, stopping short at the outer line of the circle.

The seraph didn’t doubt the tried and true tactic would hold you, but still, his chest swells with a sense of satisfaction in seeing you at his mercy. Studying your face in anticipation of a frown emerging thereon, a surprising observation surfaces from his subconscious to tickle his rational fancy that the bedlam of twisted soul behind those inky irises, a creature unrecognizable as a human anymore, appears to him as a chaos of stormy hues not sinister in disorder, but as compelling as the shifting colors of a sunset so stunning one cannot look away from it.

The thought, twitching his upper lip, tests his stolid facade.

You peer up in time to catch the subtle crack in his stoicism. Defiant of how he thinks you’ll react, your smile widens, stretching up at one corner in sultry reach toward an equally grinning gaze. “If you wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was ask.”

“What? I-” A squint dims the vibrant blaze of his blues; the lids flare after a second or two in sudden understanding of your debauched implication- “no, that’s not-”

“You really don’t know, do you? You angelic ass.” Smile and patience summarily fading, you interrupt a train of verbalized thought definitely not traveling to the destination you desire. If you stuck a Post-It note to your forehead that read, ‘Fuck me!’ in block letters you couldn’t be any more obvious; not that the feeling is strictly physical for you, that’s just the superficial iceberg of a much deeper emotion.

The hot white neon radiance of raggedly feathered wings stacked over his shoulders - clear as day to your demonic second sight - shudder in revolt of the accusation. “What are you talking about?”

Evidently he needs you to spell it out for him like a prophet writing on a wall; God’s team never did fair well without a playbook. But the problem here isn’t him knowing - that ruffling of feathers tells you on some level, he knows enough to rile him - it’s one of doubt. The problem with him is always freaking doubt. Doubt, like everything, exists in balance; the other side of fear is bravery.

You’ve witnessed first hand he isn’t lacking for courage in other areas, you just need to lube the cogs of the celestial machine enough to loosen them in your favor. “I see the way you look at me, Castiel. The way you don’t look away.”

The continued intensity of his stare and shiver of plumes scream out the truth skimmed by the statement; and yet, his tongue wields incongruous words. “I look because you’re an abomination and it’s my duty not to turn a blind eye.”

“Pshaw, duty,” you blow a puff of disenchanted air through pursed lips. Toeing the very edge of the sigil until your chest tightens in a crush of ribs, you steal a couple of extra millimeters of pain-stifled space in order to drive the point home as close to its heavenly host as possible. “An abomination according to who? You, Castiel?”

The query jars him into motion and the guilty realization you aren’t off base in asking about his assumption gravitates him nearer; demons are a species he thought he knew, but he thought he knew a lot of other things too and he was wrong. He lifts a palm to lightly press your arm to encourage you to retreat back within bounds and out of suffering, confessing in a penitence-laden lowness of tone, “No. No one.”

You swat at the kindness; wincing, arm breaching the barrier to follow his, your fingers wrap his wrist. Panting at the onslaught of pain, you yank him into the trap with you.

Instinct guides his hands to hook your waist, stabilizing you while you steady your breath.

Your body hums in gratitude for the gesture. Straightening yourself with the leverage of his lapels, peering up, you pierce his glossy blues with a blackly earnest gaze. “So then what do you really think I am? ‘Cause I think you’ve been nothing but an angel every day of your life, and now you wonder what it’s like to be damned.”

Although the interrogation didn’t go exactly to plan - things rarely ever do - your challenge to his foundation clarifies to him what it is you want, not from the Winchesters, but from him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, amid the lies programed as gospel on the day of his making, a once firmly held belief that all demons are abominations buries itself in the ruins of false reason. Reverberating in a swift smash of sweetly soft lips to yours, the truth of what he feels asserts itself in the knee-weakening, grace-revving, loin girding proof of a kiss.

Everything comes at a cost, and once in an epoch, payment is tendered in the love-bridled beating of an angel’s heart for his beautiful abomination.

Castiel tag list:  (Closed, if you’d like to be removed please let me know!)    @jeepangel  @sammiesamness  @willowing-love  @roxy-davenport  @blueicevalkyrie   @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11  @thesugargalaxy    @bluetina-blog  @dont-trust-humanity   @honeybeetrash  @bucky-thorin-winchester  @superwholockz   @tistai  @wordstothewisereaders  @gill-ons  @mrswhozeewhatsis  @marisayouass  @stone-met   @castiel-savvy18  @samualmortgrim  @trexrambling  @magnificent-mantle  @kdfrqqg  @xdifsx   @mandilion76  @rockfairy  @peaceloveancolor  @unicorntrooper  @anisolatedship  @itsilvermorny  @aditimukul  @kudosia  @goofynerd-67babylove  @uninspirationalsonglyrics  @gray-avidan  @mishascupcake   @mishapanicmeow   @praisecastielamen  @roseyhxnt  @jessikared97  @let-the-imaginationflow  @warriorqueen1991   @sebastianstanslefteyebrow   @hisnameisboobear  @kristendanwayne  @fuschiarulerinthebluebox  @coolpencilpie  @jenabean75  @luciathewinchestergirl  @morganas-pendragons  @heyitscam99  @fangirl-and-stuff  @selahbela  @realgreglestrade  @splendidcas  @pointlesscasey  @i-larb-spooderman  @thewhiterabbit42  @thelostverse  @castieliswatchingoverme  @beccollie18  @dragonett8  @dixie-chick  @jtownraindancer   @carowinsthings  @passionghost  @ladyofletters67 @futureparent  @gabbie7-11  @myfandomlife-blog  @dreamerkim   @shamelesslydean  @earthtokace  @neaeri  @justanormalangel  @lone-loba  @supernaturalymarvel  @lilrubixx  @wings-and-halo  @thehoneybeecastielfollows  @musiclovinchic93  @81mysteriouslyme  @the-bottom-of-the-abyss  @jaylarkson @pixiedusts  @spookysculderfiles  @laqueus-ludovicus  @missjenniferb @lexininja  @jessiekay2010   @skrratata  @rhiannonj79  @calicat79

[shidiand]

How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

[illgetmerope]

🌸🌼 I think this fandom could do with some positivity so if you want to, why dont you pick 3 (or more) people that you dont normally talk to or havent talked to in a while and tell me one thing you like about them? Or if you feel uneasy about talking to new people just pick people you know better :) Then send this message to at least 5 other blogs that you like to keep this game up! 🌼🌸

Rust, how dare you attack me with this absolutely impossible ask. I love this fandom, and the people in it. I am also feeling delicate because no one at school wants to be my friend and I swear to god I am fun. So, let’s get sappy. I’m not gonna follow the rules at all- I’m going with 13 people. I’m gonna tell those folks how much I like ‘em. And they’re gonna listen because I’m tagging them. So there. But I’m also putting it under a cut because it’s gonna get long. Also, let’s be super clear: this is NOT a complete list of people I admire in the fandom, nor even a complete list of people I think of as friends. This is just people I feel the need to thank today. 

@theprincessed was one of the first people who talked to me in this fandom. She’s been a super supportive soul, her tags are top notch, and whenever she writes it makes me smile. Plus she is wonderful at gushing over Robron. If you ever really need a good giddy happy conversation I super recommend Dani.

@irisnsc is one of the kindest people ever. She was definitely an early friend around here, and she helped point me in the direction of interesting blogs to follow and artists to admire. Her Robron song choices are always spot on, and I like hearing new music through her. She also brings me so much joy with little messages about her fav part of any drawing. It’s really meaningful when people reach out with that level of care.

 @omarandjohnny is, of course, the biggest teddy bear on the planet. He is made of hugs and love. He listens to my INSANE song rewrites and once blogged so much in a day that ALL MY RECS were satanist blogs and I cried laughing. Also his aesthetic choices with cute guy reblogs are A+. And his tags. Yes yes yes.

@thesnowyswan Rae, where do I even begin? If you start typing on my computer www.archi it auto fills to her page on Ao3. I spent an hour staring at my computer trying to work up the courage to send her my first drawing I did for her. And then we started talking and it turns out? She’s smart and funny and a little dirty and SO good at feedback. She is a dream collaborator, and also just a fucking cool person. Plus she’s got such style and loves cider, so she is clearly the tops.

@sugdendingleaddict is someone who just managed to suddenly be an amazing friend. When I’m freaking out over something or flailing about robron she is RIGHT there with me. I think 90% of our messages are in all caps and laughter. She loves butts, and is an ambassador to the world on behalf of Ryan’s behind. She’s a fierce friend and protector, and I fucking love our chats. Five stars. Would friend again. 

@getyourfaceoutofmyface is the best kind of nerd. She will nerd out with you about Robron and other things and THAT RULES. She’s kind and thoughtful and funny. She and I created a whole second robron child concept from a typo. A TYPO. She agrees with me that Danny is an absolute fox and gives me all the snuggle head canons for my instagrams. If you have ever thought a thing of mine was cute that’s Shauna’s cute brain. Not mine.

@howellobrien is one of the sunniest and kindest people I have ever met on the internet. Holly is the anti-troll. If you ever wonder… is the internet a place full of good? Go look at Holly’s page and you will be certain it’s the best. She loves to spread happiness, and we should all let her.

@littlelooneyluna is one of those authors that gives you a headcanon that sticks with you. Like, I genuinely sometimes catch myself wondering how great little skateboarding future Seb is going to be because of how she writes him. That’s absurd. He’s a baby! Also, her tags are fucking great. 

@letthebluerain convinced me to love Pete. PETE. He’s a farmer who is dating a snore, but WHAT NOW I LOVE PETE. And Blue tells me about the world and has 100% correct opinions about Robert’s great arms, and all outfit choices pretty much, and makes up weird little scenes about wedding seating charts with me. Also, anytime anything good happens in this fandom it is because Blue is unable to watch TV. So, they are a god send.

@drawlallvowels supports my drinking and I love it. I swear Tina may have a chart that she refers to when I draw something and guesses if that piece was inspired by rum or vodka. She is a fucking hilarious tagger and a damn good writer of Robert the prostitute. Also she is the best at writing little backstories for drawings. I swear she knows more about them than I do!

@vckaarrob rocks my socks. She’s an absurdly amazing writer, she is correct in all ways about both Robert and Aaron’s grooming (hair and beard) and she’s crazy good at inspiration. Her teen AUs wormed their way into my soul. I do not understand how she can write that cute stuff and then write porn so well. She may be a witch, and I am here for it.

@robertisbisexual is my favorite filth encourager. If when I begin my kinktober work it will ALL be because of Mal, Vic, and Rae. Their bdsm fics are some of the absolute best. She is a fucking gifted writer and even made me like the insane crack ship that is Leyla/Robert for a second. Which is a statement. Because I have NEVER SEEN LEYLA ON EMMERDALE. Plus she’s just super supportive and cool.

@rustandruin is you, but YOU ARE GETTING NICE THINGS SAID ABOUT YOU, FRIEND-O. YOU ARE AMAZING. OK? UGH. Every conversation we have is top notch. I will eternally regret that I am not younger so that we could have been college friends because I swear we would have been. IMAGINE HANGING OUT AND EATING GELATO BY THE DUOMO WITH ME. IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED, RUST. AAARGH. ARG!!!!!

[petitedeath]

I just want to say, as someone who is very new to sewing (less than 6 months, made a ton of square shaped things plus few skirts and a dress) but who DREAMS of doing costuming, you’re blog is a godsend. Really, you’re so talented. May I ask- are there any books or websites that you found helpful when you were starting out? I know sewing, like everything, gets easier the more you do it, but any guidance would be great. Thank you!

♥♥♥ Im so glad to hear that! I love finding other people who are interested in it and i want everyone to know that anyone can do this. I wish I had only started sooner, i always felt like it was totally inaccessible but thats so far from the truth.

this is fittin to be long so im gunna put this under a cut

Books and websites hmm. There are so many books I guess it depends on what youre planning to sew, what kind of stuff are you looking to do? There are a lot of awesome era specific books or theme specific books that even have patterns and directions in them that you can rent at a library.  But you might also want to check out any books on pattern fitting/drafting. Any book on that will give you some good core knowledge that will help you even when youre using a pattern. Ill try to take a picture of my book collection in a moment too. But if im being completely honest I dont find many of the books helpful in sewing so much as inspiring for things i want to make. I pretty much live off blogs lmao. 

Websites- see now this one is hard because i follow like 50 million fahsion blogs and they are AMAZING. First I want to recommend some youtube channels. Im just going to assume youre talking about historical costuming since thats what i do so the links are all related. Anyhow here are my youtube recommendations. 

-Micarah Tewer - shes funny as hell for one, I kind of just love watching her videos so much I cant recommend her enough to people. Also her process is similar to mine and uh..not the most technical thing and is so much more doable as a beginner. Shes the best, seriously. Check her out. -Angela Clayton - I love that she literally goes through her entire process of sewing something up. Its super informative, I learn so much, plus i feel like just by watching her videos i learn enough to make my own pattern and make the item myself. Not to mention everything is cute. 

- See also :Bernadette Banner, burnley and trowbridge,historicalsewing, american duchess

BLOGS (Ive actually talked to some of these people on fb in some sewing groups and most of them are so kind and helpful btw!) 

http://mantuadiary.blogspot.com/search/label/1910s

http://costumerscloset.blogspot.com/

http://koshka-the-cat.blogspot.com/2015/08/a-sleeveless-spencer-tutorial.html

https://www.american-duchess.com/

http://www.festiveattyre.com/

https://thepragmaticcostumer.wordpress.com/

https://historicalsewing.com/

http://augustintytar.blogspot.com/

and thats all i can think of off the top of my head since i dont have a computer of my own anymore so I have nothing saved :’) 

and I suggest just buying up a bunch of sheets an shit from thrift stores and just kinda going crazy. If what youre making turns out well, you can always use it as the lining for a version of it made of better fabric ;) I always recommend making a mock up of everything first anyways, because nothing EVER comes out right the first time..EVER. I cant get anything done if im stressing over it costing too much or being perfect so working things out with sheets has gotten me a long way lol. And i started with 18th century and Regency. Its just way easier to make than more modern stuff and victorian is pretty hard. But both regency and 18th century are awesome because theyre easy, theyre forgiving if you dont get the size 100% so fitting isnt too hard and for womens clothes there isnt a bunch of horrible closures to work on (button holes to sew etc) 

Also, still assuming here that you want to do historical costuming (super sorry if youre not and im just giving you useless info lol) i would start with underwear first. The foundation garments are super crucial to getting this shit to fit right and look right. Plus most of them are easy to make like shifts and petticoats. Dont be intimidated by stays and corsets either. Theyre surprisingly easy to make! 

finally if you ever have questions about making something please feel free to ask me or you can join a fb group too if that suits you better. The only way i was able to get into this hobby and stay in it was because of the wonderful network of costumers both local and otherwise who were so kind and helpful and encouraging and I would like to do the same ♥