#my mom will say no one helps her in this household and then literally treats anyone who tries to help like shit

[malcolm-reeds-pineapple]

My mom: come set the table supper is happening in 2.6 seconds and if you don’t set the table we will all starve and die

Me, who watched her put the bird in not even 2 hours ago:

My mom: SET THE TABLE OR I KILL YOU

Me: [begins setting the table]

My mom: those are the WRONG forks!!! If we use those forks we DIE!!!! We need to use the dishes that will spontaneously combust if they come within a metre of the dishwasher or else we will be CURSED by an evil WIZARD for 89 fortnights and our ancestors will HAUNT us

Me: [starts drinking]

My mom: you are tearing this family apart

[celestialprincesse]

Hi, i really adore your writing style! c: Could we get some fluffy headcanons for Simon with a little 5 year old daughter? Thank you! ♡

Yes we can!! I'm ovulating!! I want to have 3 kids, a dog and a white picket fence!! 💳💥 also writing this in the near future of the Simon x Single mom universe because I've been neglecting my favs

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

He's a girl dad through and through. Absolutely will sit on the living room floor and play Barbie for HOURS if that's what will bring a smile to his girls chubby little cheeks.

When it comes to saying no to her and what she wants, he literally can't. Whenever she has a bad day at nursery or has too many big feelings, he's driving her right to the nearest toy store to pick up a little treat.

Anyone would think that he's gunning for a career in fashion with how meticulously he chooses her outfits. He even builds a new closet to store her clothes properly because god knows single mom!reader is broke as fuck and literally has no time to think about home renovations.

He definitely goes to the local library with her on his days off or when mom is working, plops her down with a picture book at one of the little kiddie tables and uses the time to read the books on parenting in order to do the best possible job he can in helping to raise his girl well.

All of the mums at the school drop off absolutely love him, and they're so happy that single mom! has finally found someone to take a little of the pressure off. It helps that he's absurdly hot and great with kids.

Having gone from an almost entirely male-dominated work environment to a completely matriarchal household was quite the shift for him and it took him a while to lean into the general soft and open atmosphere. He gets really good at communicating his feelings. Like, really good. It's hot.

It's definitely a learning curve, having gone from living alone with his dog in his Batchelor pad to having a partner and a daughter.

He has a picture of them taken at her 5th birthday party as the lock screen on his phone and shows literally everyone who asks.

° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

[heteromerous-rhyming]

i think that i've figured out why i don't like show sally.

ok like don't get me wrong, virginia kull?? she ATE with that interpretation. her acting?? amazing. like i could truly get the core of her character.

it's just that i don't like the character the writers give us.

cw: discussion of abusive relationships, of toxic family dynamics, probably a good bit of generational trauma. I don't really get into details except with stuff shown on the show and written in the books but i wanted to be safe.

as someone from an immigrant household, as someone whose mom works a part time minimum wage job, as someone whose seen and been there as my parents fought, i just really really dislike sally's portrayal in the show. and it's partly because of poseidon and partly because of gabe (mostly because of her character in general but yeah, lets get the men out of the way first)

I feel strongly about poseidon in his relationship to sally very specifically. i don't mind his relationship to percy either books or show. but it's pretty damn clear to me that this show was written by someone who's never experienced sally's situation, of being the single working parent with an absentee partner (or in gabe's case a partner who literally ahHHHHHh). because from the beginning, from sally's reaction and snark to gabe, I felt like something was wrong or off, and it was Specifically the show because i read the books and i watched (some) of the musical and i never felt that way towards either of those. i'm not saying that my family situation is sally's (don't have a god for a father for one), but. by all accounts sally knows that this is an abusive relationship, the only reason that she's with gabe is because of the protection he offers percy. i have to assume that this is true because sally jackson turning gabe to stone is something i'm assuming is staying in the show, and i remember this being mentioned by grover? or someone in the first few episodes. and the cord that struck in me was not the traditional (that is, visible, defined, i don't like this word but i don't have a better one) abusive relationship but relationships in my community, of women staying with husbands because of their children, women outright saying this, women who know the world is cruel to single women and to single mothers specifically. sally, to me has never been under any illusions that gabe is any sort of relationship material. she has never been under any illusions that poseidon would be able to help in any way.

and that crux of sally's relationships made her first scene in the show all that more jarring. but it's not anything specifically that i can put a finger on. and maybe i'm wrong for this or maybe i'm expecting too much. but. sally doesn't have the resentment or the quietness or the bitterness or even the loudness that i expected. you have been the only true caretaker for your child, the only one in the house that really puts food on the table and on top of that is expected to do emotional labor? to cook and clean or at least pick up the food?

but she treats gabe like he's an annoyance. someone to brush off. and you see the manipulation tactics from gabe, you do, but.

its not that i want sally's spirit to be crushed. my mother's spirit wasn't crushed. the women in my community, they laugh, they cry, they watch silly tv shows, they have lives that they live, and in many cases they live well.

but the women that i know are also angry. they are either on fire or they used to burn. when they banter with their partners it often turns ugly because they are tired of the same damn argument day after day, because often the trivial things that are asked are compounded and compounded and compounded because you live in the same house, there is no escape, there is no private space, not really.

it's new york and sally works a job to support an apartment and her family. they are not well-off. sally has no support network we can see, and how could she? poseidon mentions that she has no one to talk to about these things, her parents are clearly out of the picture. all this to say. there is a certain understanding of class that exists within the books that was excised, i believe unknowingly, from the show, and it is the worse for it. there is a tiredness, a worn-down-ness from being low income that sally had in the books, but in the show i only see a struggling first time single parent. i don't see the complexity of a woman who literally gave up on finding a fulfilling relationship to be with a man for her child. i don't see the complexity of a woman working fulltime and still getting demanded from at home. and i didn't realize that I wanted to see that until I saw the show. i didn't realize that that was what i loved about the books.

i hate that they tried to bring poseidon back into sally's life as this perfect man who through cosmic forces can't help. i hate that sally calls him, i hate that he says he'll listen. but most of all i hate that sally just accepts him, falls into him. it's really hard to be a mother when your partner doesn't seem to help you parent in any way, even if he cannot help you. he's a greek god, there's no way in hell that he can begin to understand the lengths that sally has gone through to sacrifice and survive, the very human things that she's done. sally in the books thinks of poseidon as a sweet memory, almost a fairytale, and it's clear that this story is the one that brings her comfort. poseidon is a one night stand, a sweet stranger, she understands he's not coming back. but this poseidon comes when sally calls, and that i cannot believe. i cannot believe that she still thinks of him as the fairytale man, that she accepts him so easily if there isn't that distance. i cannot believe that there is no resentment, that she still puts faith in him as her god (the first episode when she talks about him just felt so wrong to me) if he's not a memory, but a recurring figure. this is not a story of star-crossed lovers, sally feels too real as a human being for that.

sally finds trust, finds contentment, in the books after percy leaves home, after she no longer has to put up with gabe for his safety. she does not find poseidon again. she marries a human man, a very ordinary human man who cares for her. poseidon visits after she is in this relationship and its an amicable one. he is percy's father but also distant memory all in one. sally has the strength to survive a terrible relationship and still find a way to heal and live fully after that.

but the anger. the fire was there. she turned gabe to stone. she reclaimed her life with her two hands.

you don't kill a man for no reason. you don't kill a man without emotion.

but it's that reason and that emotion that i don't get from the writer's room. and it just makes me deeply sad.

[ladywisteriatarot]

dear lady wisteria, can we get a reading on jk's fs' parents reaction to jk and their first meeting?

sure :)

i got six cards! her parents got quite the bit to say, this post includes channeling (hence why i only answer this question two days after you asked me this)

long reading ahead!

the emperor. wheel of fortune. the empress. five of cups. death. the star.

with the emperor, they look at him as a very masculine man. it seems that her parents are the traditional type, hence why the religious background came up in a previous reading. they've always looked at their daughter like a princess the moment she was born and they believe that she deserves someone to treat her like one. jk is wealthy, successful, influential, well-known, and in the upper class. this reassures them that he can support her in everything as she needs and won't have to worry about the bills. a strong man who's the breadwinner of the household and takes care of his wife is what they desire for her and he fits the standard.

with the empress, they connect him with the idea of "venus." literally heard her dad saying "he's a pretty boy" but still acknowledges that jk is extremely handsome and good looking while her mom acknowledges that too and looks at him like "a gentleman" after they had a full conversation. her mom could see the love in his eyes for their daughter as it is extremely obvious. its that whole theory where a person is so good looking, you'd assume they're a good person (this is the halo effect, not an opinion or fact, just a theory).

however, with death and the wheel of fortune, they aren't too sure. they are delighted that she found someone that matches her energy and suits her. this is also think of jungkook as a lucky and almost "god-given" gift for their daughter, where they will also have bragging rights at cocktail parties but...they don't think they will last (on first impression, later on they know they will commit). they think he may not have enough time for her because he is an extremely busy man and that he might just be "another lesson" in her life.

they know that she needs someone to be there for her even though she acts like she doesn't. his tattoos and his handsome face throws them off a little too, there was a vision of when he first enters their home, her dad says something like "he looks like a player/an f-boy" in their ethnic language (which doesn't sound like korean) and her mom hits his shoulder and is like "be nice, you know she likes him a lot."

short answer for the five of cups, just like their daughter, her parents are really good at reading people. give them one conversation with you and they will most likely know what you ate on tuesday (exaggerating but you know what i mean). they could see that he looks like "a loner" (I DID NOT SAY THIS, they did, not me lol). very smiley and happy but looks like he's very lonely and been through a lot.

they think of him as the type to regret a lot of things and push people away when they are upset but they just hope that he doesn't do the same with their daughter so they're unsure of his mental capability of being in a relationship with their daughter. they don't think he's ready even though he's a grown ass man.

despite all of these things, with the star, they can't help but feel hopeful. this is the first time that she's been this open with them when it comes to bringing them someone to meet and they acknowledge that she's serious about jk and wants to be with him.

although it seems likely in their eyes that the outcome may not be the best, they see how they match each other extremely well and made for each other as if "they were adam and eve." they think that if they somehow work it out, they'd be so happy and have a long and forever-lasting relationship, they have nothing against him. they're all for him.

reminder: none of my readings are ever 100% accurate, including everyone else's.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my mom I would blow up her entire household and myself in a gas explosion if my parents built me a house to live in?

TW for descriptions of child abuse and suicide mention

I (22NB) cut off my abusive father (mid40M) and left home when I turned 18. I'm going to call him Harry (fake name) from now on because I'm going to have to talk about him a lot. When covid lockdowns started I had to leave home because I phsyically could not be in the same room as Harry without fully disassociating and would constantly have homicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts and panic attacks just hearing him walk around the house or talk from locked away in my bedroom. Growing up Harry would phsyically and verbally abuse me, he's thrown me out of a window and locked me outside of the house, pinned me to the ground and stabbed me in the back of the neck with a pair chopsticks, slapped me, kicked me while I was curled up on the ground and so on. My mom (mid40F) would watch all these things and never did anything to stop the abuse, his abuse started ramping down when my little brother was born (12M) so most of these things happened to me from 6 years old to being 10. Harry has never been phsyically and verbally abusive towards my mom or my siblings I was his only victim at home.

I developed a slew of mental illness traits the main of which being diagnosed cPTSD from this abusive upbringing. I also ended up developing a phsyical disability that limits my mobility when I was turning 20, I live alone and the house I live in is extremely unaccessible and even dangerous for me to live in. Because of this I am still in regular contact with my mom getting her help with things I can't manage to do on my own due to my disability. Her and Harry are planning to move out to the countryside and have a house built there so I am aware I won't be able to rely on her for too many years longer. One day she mentions to me that apparently they had been planning to build me a small house tucked away at the back of their property for me to live in so she could keep taking care of me. I'd never heard of this plan before and never asked for anything like this.

First of all I found it incredibly demeaning to build a little doghouse out of sight to keep your traumatized disabled child like an unwanted pet only kept around out of pity and some sense of responsibility, my mom comes from a culture where its the norm to treat disabled people like this and make sure they are unseen but I did not appreciate it. Second of all this would literally be the most nightmarish scenario for me to live through possible, I can't drive I don't have a car and there is no public transport or delivery services for food and grocceries at all outside of the capital of my country. My mom doesn't drive either so she would put me in a scenario where literally every single aspect of my life would become completely dependent on my transphobic abuser that I still get full blown PTSD episodes even just thinking about. My house, my food, where I can go and getting to the doctor would all become completely at the mercy of Harry in this situation. This is when I told my mom if put in this situation I would blow up all of us in a gas explosion to escape it because that's how awful living through that would be.

She didn't really react to me saying I would blow all of them up if this happens because I use exaggerated violent language often, she just called me ungrateful. While it was mainly to express just how bad this situation would be for me it was also somewhat meant as a threat, due to my disability I've had other family members try to get me declared legally incompetent so they could get a government caregiver from me. My parents could absolutely use the law to force me into this housing situation even as an adult, it was partially a threat because I wanted it in their heads that it a bad idea for them to do this to me, realistically I would just commit suicide to escape it instead. My cPTSD makes me incapable of having grounded thoughts and reactions to the things that trigger it, I know my mental problems make me an asshole a lot of the time but I just want to live my shitty life as painlessly as possible for however long I've got left.

What are these acronyms?

[eroticwound]

The Parentification of the Berzatto Siblings: Mikey’s Mental State

Let’s take a look at Donna’s mental state, as a way of understanding Mikey’s. Donna is dealing with mental illness. She most likely has a personality disorder (Borderline would be my guess) that might be comorbid with a mood disorder (Bipolar or Intermittent Explosive Disorder), and is using alcohol to self-medicate.

Donna’s alcoholism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Because of her mental illness and the stressors of being a single mom, she is self-medicating with alcohol, meaning she is using it to numb herself out. Between 50 and 70% of people with BPD have substance abuse issues, and 41% of those with Bipolar disorder self-medicate.

This is the state of the Barzatto Family Home: the unstable woman at the center, who can be fun and funny, but is incredibly volatile. She is influencing and modeling behavior for all of the Bear Sibs. So looking back at Michael, as the oldest son, the burden of Donna’s moods and the state of his siblings (and any guests that happen to be around) is firmly on him. And he is empathetic enough to get others out of their funk and charming enough to keep things positive and running (relatively) smoothly. But all the anxiety of this situation—the parentification, which forces a child to disregard their own emotions and well-being in favor of their parent—gets severely internalized, and then masked by his ability to be loud and funny.

Mikey is avoidant above all else. In that first interaction in Fishes, between him and Nat, he literally says, “with [Mom], not handling it is the best way to handle it.” And this approach of his pops up again and again, whether he’s avoiding Carmy (by not picking up the phone or engaging in difficult conversations, or literally, when he leaves the pantry after Carm gives him the present), avoiding handling Donna, or avoiding dealing with his own mental health. This is in no way helped by the fact Mikey is most likely dealing with some form of chemical imbalance, whether it’s depression or bipolar disorder like Donna.

Add to all this the self-medicating behavior Donna models for him, and it’s a fairly clear line from internalizing and masking his pain, to substance abuse; alcohol and pain medication and whatever else he was using are just more intense ways of avoiding his pain. They are quite literally the only ways he’s managing his distress.

In fact, so much of Mikey’s behavior is modeled off of Donna:

The first person to throw a utensil in Fishes is not Michael, it’s actually Donna. She throws one at Steve while Mikey and Richie are giving Carm a tough time about Claire.

Mikey hits himself after Carm gives him the gift, and Donna hits herself at the dinner table.

If Donna hadn’t driven her car through the wall, the scene Mikey makes at the dinner table might’ve been the big story from that Christmas.

And then of course there’s the traumatic tirade Donna goes on about killing herself. That seems like a fairly common threat in the Berzatto household. And it makes me wonder if the gun Michael used to kill himself was his father’s, the one that Donna threatened to use.

And this is a real issue with Parentification: it becomes normalized and perpetuated. These roles and behaviors become integrated into a child’s personality, and alters ideas of what normal and healthy relationships look like. You can see this in how Michael treats Carmen. It was normalized for Mikey to handle Donna in the kitchen. It never occurs to him that baby Carm shouldn’t be around that. But it is normalized *and* unavoidable, so Michael let’s him take on that responsibility. Even the way he talks to Carm, calling him moody, a saltine—these are intended to get Carmen out of his head, but they are also cruel and tell Carm that his emotions are too much, that his emotions can’t compete with Donna’s. After all, Donna and Mikey work together as a parental unit.

You see it especially in the first Mikey-Carmy-Donna Kitchen scene in Fishes, where Donna and Mikey gang up on Carmy together, getting Carm to say he’s happy to be home and loves them. This is a lie to smooth things over on Carmen’s end, but if being around Donna is bad for Carm, it’s bad for all of them. Living at home has got to be triggering, and you can tell throughout Fishes just how done Michael is with it.

Michael’s adulthood is so sad. We know that he had a trail of failed business ventures, money problems, and even had to move back in with Donna. He doesn’t seem to have a girlfriend, and is stuck telling the same old stories from his youth, because the best he can do is mask his dysfunction and entertain everyone. All of this is a self-perpetuating cycle, his avoidance making sure he cannot ask for the help he needs, and his relative functionality ensuring no one pushes the issue.

My next post will breakdown some of the key Mikey scenes in Fishes.

[jelloia]

why i will always be a seungha defender

so i've been reading odd girl out on webtoon ever since it was translated officially into english and while i will always love s1 more, i have so much to say about the s2 love triangle... especially that...

i truly still like seungha more than chanyang, and seungha is way too criticized, especially by the webtoon comment section

so the main reason why people are mad at seungha is because he ignored and pushed her away while going through a major family event, and while i too also disagreed how he dealt with it all, i ultimately feel for him as someone who has an avoidant attachment style.

however, people seem to forget this and view seungha as completely awful in comparison to chanyang, who dealt with his family issues with nari by his side.

i have many issues with this. for one, just because someone has an avoidant attachment style does not mean that they are a bad person. in seungha's case (as in many cases), it stems from how he had no one to trust in his household, from his brother abusing him to his father ignoring his personal troubles to even his mother for not telling him the truth about his birth.

(and again, this is a teenage boy. they are not all going to be mature and secure in life when this is a time when literally everything is changing)

this brings me into the second issue. while both seungha and chanyang have familial events, people often believe that chanyang is ultimately the better choice because of how he dealt with his. however, chanyang's and seungha's hardships were instead vastly different.

to paraphrase from this naver comment section, although both boys have been mistreated, chanyang has money, a (more) united family, and ultimately, his sisters have his back. in contrast, seungha doesn't even know who his real mom is (uprooting his identity), is afraid of being abandoned by the people he thought loved him the most, was harassed and threatened every day by his own brother, and ultimately decided to move away from home.

in my opinion, their situations are very unbalanced, so you cannot expect them to react the same way.

while seungha is more avoidant, he also didn't want to drag nari into his family mess. keep in mind that his brother literally threatened him to break up with her, and his father was very hard on him about keeping up with his studies.

also, at the time of the breakup, his family didn't know that yunha was destroying his stuff, and thought that seungha was the one with the mental problem--which must have caused even more unimaginable stress on his part.

^^ (literally this chapter breaks my heart and makes you realize just how vast his problems were at the time and why he felt like he couldn't accept nari's proposal)

also, his problems were so extremely personal. not only that but keep in mind that he and nari had barely been dating--i don't even know how i would tell my closest friends that it turns out i'm actually adopted. so many people in the webtoon section think that seungha is too up in nari's face yet simultaneously hate on him for being too detached.

(like whenever in the recent episodes seungha appears and is blushing/is happy while talking to nari, people beg him to move on... he just had his first love amidst the lowest point of his life and only truly realized how nari was trying to help once he was out of that headspace... of course he has lingering feelings and regret, especially since it's been what only a few months since they broke up)

finally, the reason why he wanted to become student president was yes, to measure up to his father, but also because he believed that he could be with nari if he was. it wasn't just bc he wanted to hurt her by teaming up with yurim.

so to argue against all of the people hating him because of who he is, seungha didn't treat nari the way he did just because he's a bad person; rather, he was stretched to his limits while external pressures (father/brother) were pushing him to break up with nari.

by the way, all of this isn't to say that i think nari should end up with seungha. i do think that nari was right to break up with him. seungha was going through a lot, but he hurt nari and gave her no explanation. she owes him nothing.

i do, however, think that seungha and nari had an amazing dynamic when they were together, and i truly miss what they had. to be honest, i think that seungha is a more fleshed-out character, and his personality just resonates with me more. (also, when seeing it from seungha's pov, it hurts to see how nari's feelings have completely faded... sob).

i'm not a chanyang hater by any means, but i do feel like most people gloss over the major flaws of him (though i admit, some of it may be attributed to the writing and not "him" as a character). for instance, i lowkey agree with the popular sentiment that he is kinda pushy and focuses too much on nari. don't wanna cover this in too much detail right now because i think i would need to reread the webtoon so i don't misinterpret anything, but in the end, i also don't really like him and nari together.

best case scenario is that nari ends her high school life stress free of relationship problems and having fun with her girls (which by the way, i hate that they're basically background characters at this point... like surely their lives could somehow be tied relevantly to the main plot a bit more)

(secret best case scenario is nari meeting seungha again in uni or after and they try again and form a healthy and secure relationship together...)

so tldr ;; seungha's lore and character seems to have flown out of most people's heads LOL but to be expected with such a long series

but yea, i've been wanting to get this out of my head for a while now! again, i've been reading odd girl out for quite a few years now, and i've grown quite attached to nari. also, honestly, my switch-up is crazy.... when nari x seungha were a thing, i was a chanyang girl because i liked his quiet moments of showing how he liked her and supported her, but then we learned about seungha and i found that i lowkey didn't like chanyang's tactics of wining nari's heart nor their dynamic as much.... tis the curse of a forever second-male-lead love T_T

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[sweetmariihs2]

Me randomly yapping about Toy Story and my process of restoring my Buzz Lightyear doll (I think I'm not very well)

(very ugly gif I made from my video. That's.... my actual doll. That's my hand. Hi 👋)

2 days ago me and my brother were trying to find something to watch and we found the first Toy Story movie in our Disney+. It was more like a "lmao let's watch it again?" but then I got done it simply took over my brain

I literally couldn't sleep tonight due to hyperfocus. It's 06:30 am, help help help help help

I have a tendency to like hyperfocuses from my childhood. I mean, my 2000's- 2010's childhood. No, really, almost every single thing I like are stuff I liked when I was five. My room is full of collected stuff from my childhood because now I'm for example part of the Monster High fandom, or Sofia The First fandom, or Barbie Movies, or Ever After High, Undertale, the list goes on. When I did that "let a bot analyze your Instagram" trend the bot literally said "you seem like you're stuck in the 2010's" AND WELL MAYBE I AM

I have a big history with Toy Story, really huge, I grew up with it. I think it's the first hyperfocus I remember having, I was obsessed (as a young girl, in case you didn't notice, just a detail). My favorite character was Woody, but honestly I knew all the characters' names and I watched the movies over and over again, especially 2 and 3. One day my dad traveled to São Paulo for work (I live in Brazil, São Paulo here would be the equivalent of New York in the USA), he said he was coming back a few days later, and my mom stayed home with me to take care of me. I watched movies on her old laptop, and watched Toy Story 3 several times. It was on one of those times that I was watching when my dad came home from his trip with a gift, without warning, just gave me a huge Woody doll (it was the size of a toddler). My mom said that she had never seen me so happy actually

I carried that Woody everywhere with me. My mom even said I tried to bring him to the shower cuz I simply just couldn't stay away from him for a minute. I think I really took the "toys are alive" thing seriously. Actually I always took very great care of my dolls and that's why I can put my MH/EAH dolls in display in my room, they're very well cared. And my Woody doll is here too, I just don't want to take pics rn because it's very late, my room is dark and I'm lazy to take him off the shelf (I wrote this at 05am). If you call him ugly I'll rip you off in pieces, don't treat my son like that (got these pics from the internet)

You know that trend where people say "you look like your childhood toy"? my childhood toy is this Woody here. Some people I know made jokes about him being ugly/scary etc but I'm not scared of him, he always treated me very well lmao. He's a very nice fella

Some years later I got a Buzz Lightyear doll, but I mean, the ACTUAL Buzz doll. From the movie I mean

I live in a small town in Brazil. There was a lady (an old lady I mean) who sold products imported from the USA here in my town. In general they were household items, at least most of them. My mom used to buy us (me and my brother) toys by surprise, like, went out to do something and suddently came home with gifts, and that lady sold north american toys for a very cheap price. I THINK they came from thrift stores, because they arrived in plastic bags and they were random most of the time, like, clearly second hand you know? My mom once showed up with a full bag of polly pocket sized pets and playsets, the bag had the size of a trash bag, like, really big actually. And we weren't rich. Recently, due to me restoring this Buzz doll I spoke to my mom and she said that the prices for those toys were around 20 brazillian reais. You know how much 20 reais would be in dollars? 4 dollars, or less, because were talking about the mid 2010's.

Well, I got that Buzz doll. Among other three action figures of Buzz, Woody and Jessie, but they were smaller, fully plastic and didn't had the same appeal as the movie ones... but still, I liked them when I was young. When you pulled Woody's string, his legs actually moved like he could walk (but he couldn't). Jessie I can't remember. And Buzz, I found out that the action figure I had of buzz is called "laser blast Buzz Lightyear", and that's him

But well, my Buzz doll! The actual movie doll! At the time I didn't minded a lot about Toy Story anymore, even though I still loved to play with my Barbies/MH/EAH, so this Buzz was my brother's, and my brother was a small child when he got it. We got him fully working, pratically new; he could talk when pushing the buttons in his chest, his wings opened when pressing the red button, his laser worked, his helmet did a funny gas noise when opened, even the panel in his wrist had a sound effect, the guy was an amazing toy, truly amazing, and barely used.

Well, my brother and I played with him so much that we didn't think much about his fragility. We took his wings off and put them back on frequently, pressed the buttons non-stop, and after playing he was just thrown back into the toy chest, so he kept getting scratched, got dirty with play dough, dust, broke his wing, broke his arm, and so on... at least we played with him for a very long time. My brother didn't played with him anymore and I got Buzz for me (I didn't stole it, the toy was ours, it just had my brother's title in it and he didn't played with it anymore lmao), that man dated so many Barbies I swear. Funny fact: sometimes I would make blanket forts and put toys with flashing lights inside them, organize the dolls inside, put on music and call it a party, and Buzz would always be there flirting with everyone lol

But yeah going back to the subject, we played with him so much that he broke. Actually I'm surprised by the fact that Andy didn't broke them by the third movie. Time has passed, I restored my Monster High dolls and went on with my childish interests, but Toy Story wasn't something I really cared about revisiting. We moved into a new house and my brother put most of his toys in our "mess room" (basement), and so did I, except for my barbies/barbie sized dolls that are in a toy chest (the MH/EAH are in a shelf). Somehow this Buzz doll appeared again and I decided to put him in my barbie toy chest because I thought "huh I could restore you later actually"

And that's when this week arived, after 4 years living in this house. I'm rewatching all the movies and shorts, because of nostalgia and because I remembered how good those movies were, and I finally decided to restore my Buzz Lightyear. I'm recording the whole process and I'll post it on my YouTube channel. Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to fix everything and make him brand new. For example, the laser arm was ripped off, and even if I find the missing piece, I think it'll be hard to get it working again, especially because I don't know how to maintain the electronic part of the toy and my father, who knows, certainly won't help me with that. Besides, his helmet is very worn and I think it'll be hard to get it back to its previous shine and transparency. And his wings? Not even in my dreams, they have problems opening, problems with the lights, they don't have their "protective cover" outside anymore and the wires are exposed, forget it. What I want to do is bring dignity to the doll and restore him in my way. This means that even if he won't work again, or if he doesn't appears in perfect, what matters most is the fact that it was fixed and is in better condition. I want to treat him well, that is.

The kind of "fixing" I'm talking about is not making him work again completely, but for example taking his broken arm and putting a bandage on it, so we can pretend he broke his arm and he's healing, you know? I'll repaint him, glue his parts back together and... put him somewhere in my room. In a shelf

I know you're probably curious about what Buzz this is, and after doing some research I found out: "Buzz Lightyear Blue Cloud Thinkway Toys from 2009"

Probably collectors reading this are having a heart attack? Maybe. I'm sorry for breaking a very nice item :/

799,00 dollars is a good amount of money! Thinking about the fact that my mom bought him for 2-3 bucks... when talking to my mom about the price for a new Buzz doll that is just like mine (bad word choice: I meant, "how much a new doll of this type costs today"), she said surprised: "and thinking that these toys were junk, no one wanted them to the point of ending up here where we are and for such a cheap price. No one wanted them!" Which I found quite an interesting observation. How did a second hand, perfect, no sign of use, every single interaction working, clean, brand new Buzz Lightyear ended up in a (supposed) thrift store???

This is my YouTube channel:

My videos are in portuguese so I would advise to add captions :/ I'm planning to make a video about this process and I hope I will (if my depression allows me)

I'm currently pretty much hyperfocused in this again, but I think it will be for a short amount of time. I don't love my other interests less. Buzz is now my favorite Toy Story character btw, sorry Woody. Ummm I kinda unburied from memory that Buzz had a TV show and I took a small look at the pilot but didn't watched it yet (it didn't caught much my attention but maybe I'm judging the book by it's cover). I saw that this cartoon has a fandom here on Tumblr but it's more focused on Buzz' crew then in Toy Story for itself. Anyways it's very nice to know that this fandom exists

Now it's 08:00 AM I'm so tired but now I can't sleep anymore

Edit: Buzz Lightyear of Star Command is an amazing show, go watch it, it's great!!!

[niredsw]

so uhhh im bored af and i feel like i should make people know about this not that i think anyone cares about my life but here ya go rin lore everyone!

TW: mention of abuse, rape, and a lot of religious trauma

i apologize for the spelling mistakes from the start, i wont care about them rn

so yeah, lets start with my parents

mom: she grew up in a toxic abusive religious household where my grandpa was rarely home, she was the middle child of 4 siblings (the smallest ones are twins) and was literally the 'only good child of the pack'. my big aunt cant even take care of herself and she has 2 chlidren, she recently divorced her husband and is on the way of becoming an alcoholic. my uncle was praised by my grandma his entire life because he is 'the only son' and is nothing but a spoiled brat whos children are also problematic af. my little aunt is the only one i love and she has a daughter (deniz, my fav cousin) and an adopted daughter from her husbands ex-marriage, shes sweet and i dont believe how she survived in that family.

grandma, shes the worst. one day mom and her sibling were all in my big aunts house and i was sitting with them, they talked about how grandma beat them up daily because of the smallest things, the clothes she hang up to dry didnt dry on time? she beat up one of her kids (not my uncle, if i may add) i was terrified when i heard that about her and im not seeing her the same anymore. mom got married at 21 just to escape from that house and she ended up being the only child thats living in the same city as grandma. grandma also manipulated me my whole childhood, telling me i should be a good muslim and get hijabed at 12 when i first got my period, teaching me things most muslim people didnt even know their whole life when i was only 7, telling me men are always right and i should just obey what they say yada yada ya, she still treats me like her personal servant and keeps telling thing like "you look like a whore in that shorts" and shit, idc anymore but growing up with it is not very helpful tbh

so, mom beating me up when shes angry is not because shes abusive, its the only way she learned and shes not strong enough to break the cycle, so dont get angry at her its not her fault

dad: tbh i dont know if dad had gone throught anything like mom but his family is full of relative marriages and his uncle (whos 64) has a child as my age, she went to a mental asylum because of her father and just got out a few days ago, if i may add, his uncles suck but my grandma is the only normal one (and the only, oldest girl) among 5 siblings so i think thats pretty lucky, but growing up in a neighbourhood full of those kind of people definitely affected him and it shows over the years

yea well now its my time i guess

i was a bad child. i did some bad things. i swear i did it all for fun and it meant nothing

OKAY sorry sorry this is not it im not jojo siwa in a disguise (or i am?)

so, i had a pretty good childhood, if you ignore all of these things;

my family went in a hella dept because of my uncle (i told you hes a piece of shit) and we were always very careful with money, my parents tried to make it up to me and my sis with a lot of things but it did affected us

i dont know how we ended up in that debt but we sold our house and coffe shop so we could pay it, i was 8 when it all happened and i dont really remember most of it

my voice thingy and all of those health problems, i lose my hearing from time to time, have a genetical heart disease thingy, yada yada ya i am not gonna list all of them, lets just say after i was 6 i knew everyone in that hospital i was going practically 3 times a week

also i was the top student in primary school, the first one to learn how to read in my class and was practically a gifted child before i burn out but i dont care about that shit anymore im already a pretty big failure

then, we moved to my current city

4th grade was shit, my teacher didnt even care about her students, it was so easy to eb the top of my class but that school was really shitty, a pedophile teacher, who tried to rape and would do if i didnt kick his balls, a psycho kid in my sis's class that was sent to kids jail in 2nd grade, basically, shithole.

then i won a scholarship from my current school and i've been there for 5 years now, gonna start my 2nd year of highschool in a few weeks

i dont talk about middle school because that shit was crazy but also pretty boring at the same time, so yeah i think thats the rin lore? idk? nobody needs to amswer or say anything i just wanted to share it here so i dont have to explain it every time something bad happens to me

[nerves-nebula]

I just saw from a post that you mentioned that your dad was Nigerian and I was just curious how you feel about being like Nigerian and if you actually feel like you're connected to the culture. Like you don't have to answer if you don't want to, it's just I was curious since I'm also Nigerian but I've never really left this godforsaken country(I say this both affectionately and with burning hostility)

Like did your dad ever like make an attempt to teach you your language or was he like my grandpa and just refuse to teach it to his kids😭

And if you've ever had Nigerian food what's your fave? (I dare you to say jollof rice🌚) mine is banga soup and white rice or ofada stew and white rice

Do you speak pigeon? Because if you do I'll definitely be speaking it to you in the anons from now on lol

And I totally agree about the beating being normalized in poc households😭. Your blog really helped me realize that my mom was kind of abusive (and I'm still kind of in denial about it) because over here it's so horrifying how normalized it is to beat your kids until they've turned black and blue.

I was talking to classmates and we were bonding over the fact our parents used to beat us with like wires, sticks, belts and stuff and how they overdid it alot of the time and made us scared shitless and one of them was literally telling me how she fell a glass cup and broke it and got some glass in her foot and she couldn't even tell her parents because she was too scared to get flogged so the babe performed surgery on her self with a DIRTY RUSTY razor at 10 yrs old💀.

And let me tell this convo wasn't even heavy, we were all laughing and joking about it and shit.

Then I asked them if they would ever beat their kids and these niggas said YESSS they were like if they never got beaten half to death as literal children they would have grown up to be bad ppl and I was floored like do you hear yourselves??? And when I said why beat your children like they're animals instead of treating them like little humans with developing minds that make mistakes and grow and these fools laughed at me and looked at me confused like I was speaking French to them😭 and I'm screaming jesus what a life😭😭😭😭

Only divine intervention can save Nigerians from this awful cycle of abuse(I'm not religious in any way). These goats need therapy😭😭😭😭

And have you heard the bs the government is pulling out of their asses over here with the money problem😭😭😭😭😭😭

Sorry if this is overwhelming, I just got really excited at the word Nigeria lol. I hate this stupid country and its stupid ppl so much but yet sometimes I'm filled with such overwhelming love for it and its stupid inhabitants. I'm the anon that went to that skating event and met a ton of queer ppl who respected my pronouns and stuff so these ppl are the only reason why I have hope for my dum dum country with it dum dum politicians

Sorry again for the rant😭😭😭😭

I just saw from a post that you mentioned that your dad was Nigerian and I was just curious how you feel about being like Nigerian and if you actually feel like you're connected to the culture.

ive never left America, so no. im sorry, i wish i was more connected to it a lot of the time but it just feels too late for that to me.

he never taught me his language either (Tiv) though he did speak it when he was around the house. but he wasnt around a lot. when i asked him why he didnt try to teach us he just shrugged like it wasn't a priority. he started staying in nigeria for most of the year only coming back for a few months every now and then so i probably wouldnt have picked it up even if he HAD tried.

I've never even called myself Nigerian, not because I don't want to be but because of the embarrassment of having to explain that yeah im Nigerian but... not really Nigerian. I wouldn't want to disappoint any REAL Nigerians by basically being raised as a white American kid and knowing nothing about Nigeria.

And if you've ever had Nigerian food what's your fave?

i've only ever had pounded yam and okra i think, it wasnt bad but it also apparently wasnt made properly. my mom would make it and my dad would be like "this isnt even real pounded yam what the hell is this" and then nothing would change the next time around haha. so i dont think i can say ive ever eaten Nigerian food, sorry. my oldest sister has tho, when she went to visit him. i hate spices though, they hurt too much, so i doubt I'd enjoy it. which i feel kinda bad about. but ive got a lot of issues about food, and being forced to eat food, so. yeah.

Do you speak pigeon? Because if you do I'll definitely be speaking it to you in the anons from now on lol

GOD I wish. i wish he'd taught us literally fucking anything.

now that most of us are adult-aged he's been asking us to come visit him in nigeria. he's clearly very lonely, but i dont want to be alone with him in a country where he controls everything about where i stay and what i do and what i eat (he doesnt understand my eating restrictions and it would be hellish to starve because of that)

two of my sisters have gone to visit him and it sounds like it was fucking AWFUL tbh. i'd go with them but not with him.

Then I asked them if they would ever beat their kids and these niggas said YESSS they were like if they never got beaten half to death as literal children they would have grown up to be bad ppl and I was floored like do you hear yourselves???

yeah this mindset is wild to me, cause if a kid is too young to understand why what they did is wrong then why are you beating them?? that wont help they literally don't understand?? and if they AREN'T too young to understand then explain it to them! People who beat their kids are just admitting they dont know how to solve problems or vent frustration without violence. And if they had control over the people around them, they would USE violence to force them to comply, but since they only have control over their kids they can only beat their kids.

Only divine intervention can save Nigerians from this awful cycle of abuse(I'm not religious in any way). These goats need therapy

my dad is the only Nigerian i really know, but from what I know about him this is very true. he's insanely traumatized from like, civil war stuff and his own shitty upbringing. but he doesn't really believe in mental health stuff so good luck telling him that!

And have you heard the bs the government is pulling out of their asses over here with the money problem

im not very caught up on the political situation over there, but from what my dads told me its not good. my dad is mostly interested in the education system though, its like his life's work and all he's ever wanted to was to be put in charge of it and get kids educated so they have opportunities like he did or something. idk. he thinks education is the key to making Nigeria better and i dont exactly disagree with his life mission but hey, I don't live there. what do i know.

he apparently helped get the current president elected in hopes that he'd be good, but it doesnt appear things are going well. Every time he'd come home when I was younger though, that was the main thing he talked about. Getting his guy elected.

he texted me a bit ago to say he'd met with the president multiple times and was feeling stressed out, but i dont wanna say more unless you end up tracking me or something haha. fun fact tho, he's apparently been almost assassinated at least twice. like maybe he's just super paranoid, but he KNOWS someone hired a guy to assassinate him at least once because that guy was his friend and came up to him one day like "yo watch out someone's trying to kill you lol" or something.

idk he told me that story when i was younger so maybe i have the details wrong.

I'm the anon that went to that skating event and met a ton of queer ppl who respected my pronouns and stuff so these ppl are the only reason why I have hope for my dum dum country with it dum dum politicians

ohh i remember you! what a coincidence haha.

[rosecorcoranwrites]

(Sorry for taking so long)

Some of the magisterial documents that concern me:

Catechism of Trent, Rerum Novarum 20,36,42,, Quadragesimo Anno 71, casti conubii 120, Pius XII speech to Catholic female organizations (on April 24, 1952) etc

These documents seem to treat women working as a concession rather than as something that should be strived for (usage of the words “should”, “like it or not” etc) 

Which on one hand, yes, I don’t think the modern feminist notion of “women have to be like men in order to contribute” is good, and corporate work culture and such isn’t really good for anyone, and of course there are differences between men and women that should be respected. 

But on the other hand, because of my overthinking brain, I get to wondering if God thinks people working outside of their usual role/men and women who don’t fit their “role” is just something like Old Testament laws we consider unfortunate today, something God “tolerates/tolerated” rather than something He “wants”

It’s probably more of a me problem

No worries about taking long. I am also super busy, so it’s hard for me to find time to focus on things. Anywho, I couldn’t find the text for the Pope Pius XII’ 1952 speech, which wouldn’t be magisterial, as it is just a speech and not an encycliacal or what have you, so we can set it to one side. As for the rest:

The Catechism of Trent:

To train up their children in the practice of virtue, and to pay particular attention to their domestic concerns, should also be especial objects of [wives’] attention and study. Unless compelled by necessity to go abroad, they should also cheerfully remain at home ; and should never leave home without the permission of their husbands.

I’ve read some people’s take on this that their husband’s permission can be understood to implicit rather than explicit. For example, when my mom was a stay-at-home-mom, we would go hiking and shopping and picketing when I was little, but my dad knew we were doing that and wouldn’t have asked us not to.

I have my own take on the passage. The Catechism of Trent was written in 1566, so “home” might not mean a literal house, but more likely a farm or village. Neither spouse should run off to the next village without letting their spouse know, and it’s not unreasonable for a husband to say, “Yeah, don’t go to the next village, because I need you here to help with the (insert myriad duties that weren’t automated at the time).” Running a household back in the day was far more than only child-rearing, and was essentially a job in itself, with cooking, mending clothes, and—if the family owned a shop or farm—helping to run that.

Bringing this perspective to modern day, I think we can agree it is better for families, in general, to “settle down” in one location and build a life there. When children are young, it makes sense for the mother to be the one to stay at home (ie, the hometown) while her husband’s work may require travel. Obviously this is not to say the family can’t take vacations, and necessity (sick relatives, or important speaking engagements on the wife’s part, etc) would allow for the wife’s traveling.   

Rerum Novarum: On Capital and Labor

I assume the concerning passages are:

20. “Furthermore, the employer must never tax his work people beyond their strength, or employ them in work unsuited to their sex and age.”

This actually proves that the Church is fine with women working, as it implies that there is work—paid work, by an employer, which is suited to the different sexes.

It is also important, just above this line, that it says, “the employer is bound to see that the worker […] be not led away to neglect his home and family.” This applies to both men and women. Context is important for all of these passages, as the document itself concerns treating workers justly so as to have a just society. If society makes it such that work outside the home interferes with family life—for both men and women—than it’s an unjust society (spoiler alert: we’re living in such a society).

36. “…if circumstances were such as that among the working class the ties of family life were relaxed; […] if in workshops and factories there were danger to morals through the mixing of the sexes or from other harmful occasions of evil; […] if health were endangered by excessive labor, or by work unsuited to sex or age - in such cases, there can be no question but that, within certain limits, it would be right to invoke the aid and authority of the law.”

The church is saying that the law should step in if family life becomes untenable due to work or if a woman’s health is endangered by her work. I don’t see a problem with this. Now that middle clause about mixing the sexes might sound startling, but read it carefully: "IF in workshops and factories THERE WERE danger to morals through the mixing of the sexes or from other harmful occasions of evil; […] it WOULD BE right to invoke the aid and authority of the law.” It’s not saying that there will be immorality do to the mixing of the sexes but that if there is, the law has to step in. Which secular society agrees with. It’s why we have sexual harassment laws.

Notice, too, that merely by mentioning men and women working in workshops and factories and women being endangered by excessive labor, the Church is acknowledging that women do and can have jobs.

42. “Finally, work which is quite suitable for a strong man cannot rightly be required from a woman or a child. […] Women, again, are not suited for certain occupations; a woman is by nature fitted for home-work, and it is that which is best adapted at once to preserve her modesty and to promote the good bringing up of children and the well-being of the family.”

I don’t see a problem with this, either. There are jobs which, frankly, don’t suit women. Dangerous jobs, jobs which require back breaking labor, or jobs which require heavy lifting in a pinch come to mind. The Church is saying don’t force women into hard labor. As for our nature being ���fitted to home-work”, that doesn’t mean we can do nothing else. There are plenty of jobs which are not back breaking and that do preserve modesty—medicine, teaching, office work, and so on. So long as those jobs don’t interfere with the the family, there’s no reason a woman shouldn’t pursue them.

Quadragesimo Anno 71

71. “That the rest of the family should also contribute to the common support, according to the capacity of each, is certainly right, as can be observed especially in the families of farmers, but also in the families of many craftsmen and small shopkeepers. But to abuse the years of childhood and the limited strength of women is grossly wrong. Mothers, concentrating on household duties, should work primarily in the home or in its immediate vicinity. It is an intolerable abuse, and to be abolished at all cost, for mothers on account of the father's low wage to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children

Many things to note here. First, the acknowledgement that wives can help run farms and shops (which they always have done), and that this is not considered an occupation outside the home. Onto the part about mothers, again, notice the language: “to abuse the years of childhood”  “intolerable abuse […] for mothers […] to be forced to engage in gainful occupations outside the home to the neglect of their proper cares and duties, especially the training of children.

This does not mean that mothers cannot have jobs, hobbies, or interests. Mothers of children should not be forced to work because their husbands are not granted a living wage. Mothers of children ought to stay home with their kids. Again, “staying home with your kids” does not mean you can’t also pursue your own interests and hobbies. It just means that your job is to take care of the kids. Once your kids are more grown, and that may mean being school aged or teenagers—that’s probably a matter of prudential judgement—feel free to go back to a paid job.

Casti Connubbii:

120. if even the mother of the family to the great harm of the home, is compelled to go forth and seek a living by her own labor; […] it is patent to all to what an extent married people may lose heart, and how home life and the observance of God's commands are rendered difficult for them”

Again, this isn’t saying women can’t work, it’s just saying they should not be compelled to do so, and that it would be better if they could focus on homemaking.

TLDR:

I would not say that documents “treat women working as a concession”,  though they do treat mothers of young children working as such (note that there are many mothers of older children and people like me: unmarried women). I do agree that they don’t treat mothers working as “something that should be strived for”, but so what?

I’m gonna get on my soapbox here. You yourself said “corporate work culture and such isn’t really good for anyone” Correct. So stop buying into it. Lose the capitalist notion that a person’s worth comes from their paid occupation. Lose the notion that to “do anything” means to be paid to do it. Christians should not be striving to get a job; we should be striving to become saints. The same goes for men and women. It’s frankly toxic to see a person’s worth as centered in their career. To do so leads people to despair when they lose their jobs or cannot get the one’s they want.

God doesn’t care what job you have, he cares about if you love Him and the people around you. If you can love and serve your family while holding down a job, great. The odds are that you probably can’t do that while raising young children. So make the sacrifice and stop working outside the home for a few years. Your family—and you—will be better for it. Then, when your kids are older—maybe in grade school, or maybe older than that—go back to work if you feel like it. The fact there are women saints with jobs proves that God is fine with women working. And as for men working, I wouldn't say that's something God wants, as the reason we even have to labor is because of the Fall, but I digress....

I don’t think you’re overthinking it, I think you’re buying into a combo of feminist and capitalist rhetoric that says a woman’s worth (a man’s) comes from their place a cog in the capitalist machine, and that the goal of life is to have a fulfilling job. It's not. The goal of life for married people is to create a healthy and holy family. Yes, women's role in this usually involves childrearing while men's involves earning a living wage, but how is that unfortunate? You cannot claim to respect mothers while acting like what they are doing is not as worthy as having a career. And, I'll say it again, nothing about being a mother precludes one from having a career so long as your kids come first.

[throwingupmyemotions]

mom

this whole things is just going to be me word vomiting everything about my mom and my relationship with her bc i think it played a huge role in shaping who i am and how i react to ppl and problems but i literally don't understand it at all and i recently found some new information so i just kinda hope i can piece it together after writing it all out yk

so i hate crying in front of my mom and i almost never do anymore, and i rarely show any kind of negative emotion around her just bc i hate it yk. but i went home last week and i was talking to my sister about stuff and we started talking about my mom and i said that i felt like my sister was treated like "the son" of the family (esp in asian households, they are obviously favored) and she agreed bc lowkey my mom made it too obvious. but then my mom came in and all of a sudden i asked her why when i used to cry she would always say they were "crocodile tears" bc it sounds like she thought i was crying to manipulate her and not bc i was actually hurt. and she said "did i rlly say that??" and my sister and i laughed bc she wld literally say it every time i cried (which was very often lol i was an emotional child and that's prob why they never took my feelings seriously) but anyway somehow i started crying and i told my mom about how hurt i felt growing up and feeling like she hated me and my mom apologized and i could totally tell it was genuine. she opened up about her childhood trauma (she has a lot of it) and she said the therapist that she has started seeing said that she has borderline personality disorder which kind of turned my entire world upside down!! I'll explain now:

so basically during 8th-9th grade my mom was going thru some stuff and our relationship was rlly rlly bad. she would get into these moods where i felt like she genuinely hated me. idek how to explain it but she would get super cold and find any reason to get mad at me and her getting upset is one thing but she somehow found the worst most hurtful things she could say and she said them so easily while knowing they would hurt ykwim?? and i remember she would get so angry and me crying would make it worse but trying to hold back my crying made me start getting almost panic attacks where i couldn't breathe and she would somehow get more angry. it felt like a horror movie, like genuine raw fear. but these moods would only target me, like she was completely normal with my sister and when my dad would come home she would be back to normal and she would threaten me if i told my dad about what happened but he wld find out anyway bc i would start crying at the dinner table or smth.

but so those moods wld happen one day and the next day she would be nice to me and i wld bring up how hurtful the things she said the day before were to me and she would have no memory of it. im not even kidding she wld say "i said that??" and i genuinely don't think she remembered any of it. and she would always feel so bad and apologize a million times and say she was going to go get help and that she didn't mean any of it and that she loved me so much. at the end she would give me a long hug and i wld be crying of relief. the hug was always so good, every time i remember thinking that this time was the last time and i was safe in my mom's arms and she wld never hurt me like this again. ive always been pretty gullible, i believe ppl. especially the ppl i love yk? but the next day she wld hate me again. and the day after that she wld apologize and not remember any of it. after 1.5 yrs of it, i started seriously breaking. i remember not even feeling angry, i just was so exhausted and scared. somehow the fear only got worse, i never got used to it. i remember just wanting to get away from her, i hated being alone with her bc i never knew which version of her i was going to get and there was no escape. i thought she had bipolar disorder bc of her mood shifts but that's why when she told me about her bpd diagnosis i was so idk the word?? i wldnt say relieved but like some part of me was satisfied in knowing the reason she acted the way she did wasn't bc of me.

so one thing i think i always wondered was if she believed those things she said, now ik she said those things just to hurt me but that doesn't rlly make me feel better bc that means she wanted to hurt me? like what was wrong with me that made her want to see me like that yk. so i think that's part of why i feel so idk i don't want to say (unlovable) bc it sounds bad but lowkey yeah. it feels like my existence is so burdensome and annoying to everyone and i constantly have to make up for it by being as helpful as i can and to give everything i have to make ppl love me. but even then, like i get that my parents and friends love me but they don't actually love me. bc everything i say and do is to get them to love me, its not actually me yk? idek who i am bc my entire life just revolves around getting validation and affection from ppl. and the worst part of it all is that even tho i realize all of this, i don't want to stop and start being myself. somehow i know that as soon as i start being myself, no one will love me.

[tojiot]

ooh have about the main three with the fake dating trope :D

fake dating the main three

gn!reader, cursing here and there, typos and grammatical errors to be edited, past tense - present tense swerving to be fixed.

note: i was on vacation for 2 days without internet and i have bakugo's done in my notes but my phone died before i can even save it :D this will be kinda long because i went ahead of myself and detailed it exactly how i want. this is not betaed. please do tell me if there's a non they/them pronouns in here. hope you'll enjoy this!

requests are: open!

ㅡ bakugo

i spent the whole day thinking about how he'll agree to fake date. let's just say he's the one in need.

his mom has been bothering him for a long time now. she wants to see katsuki bring home a partner for them to meet.

it's a pain in the ears and he's very TIRED so he decided to just fake date somebody.

the only person he can tolerate in class a aside from kirishima is you. he doesn't care about the other extras.

he'll search for you in the heights' lounge area and ask to talk.

"hey, can we talk?" he grumbles, "uhh, sure? do you want to talk here or somewhere private?" "somewhere private."

when you guys are in a more private area, he'd glare at you for a minute, it'll make you wonder if you did something wrong, before finally speaking.

"date me for a fucking day."

you'll snort at what he said and laugh thinking it was a joke but the annoyed and impatient look on his face says otherwise.

"wait.. are you for real?" "what do you think, shithead?"

bakugo trusts you so much that you have this significant role to play in his life.

you agreed, of course. it's the bakugo katsuki asking for your help. a once in a lifetime chance. (you just like him, stop making things up)

he brings you to the bakugo household the day after and his house is BIG big.

mitsuki, his mom, welcomes you with a big smile and a hug. he then glares at his son, "WHY ARE YOU ONLY BRINGING THIS PRETTY LITTLE CREATURE NOW, YOU BRAT?" "SHUT UP, OLD HAG! BE NICE OR I AIN'T BRINGING THEM HERE NO MORE."

masaru, who's just sitting there at the couch like nothing's happening, gives you a wave.

the dinner was good. his mom's a great cook, his father's a chatterbox. what surprised you the most was how quiet katsuki is. you're not sure why. maybe he's like this at home? quiet, calm, just serene.

"it's not everyday i see a person who can tame my brat of a son. i can see why he likes you, (y/n)." his mom beams at you, "you're pretty, a kind little one too. take care of my son, will ya?"

not knowing what to say, you smiled at her and said what's currently inside your mind, "if he'll let me, i'll take care of him for the rest of my life." you looked down, "but knowing katsuki, he doesn't need anyone to take care of him. he's strong and independent and he knows it. it'll hurt his pride if someone helps him without him asking them to." you smiled to yourself, "i just hope he knows that when he needs me, i'll always be here for him."

mitsuki smiled at you in awe. you have the mother's approval, congrats!

katsuki just stared at you with furrowed eyebrows, masaru pats his back, "good job, son. i'm happy for you."

he then murmured a protest before drinking his water.

time passed by and it's eventually your time to say goodbye to the bakugos.

mitsuki hugs you for the last time and ask you to come have dinner with them again, masaru pats your head and thanks you for being there for his son.

both of you were in a car provided by the school for safety protocols when he spoke, "did you mean it?"

you looked at him, confused, "mean what?" "what you said earlier to my mom, shithead. did you mean it?" "well, yeah. i mean it when i say i'll always be here for you."

he wore this unreadable and unclear expression on his face. he looks mad? confused? no one knows.

"why?" he asked, "why what?" "WHY DO YOU KEEP MAKING ME REPEAT MYSELF. WHY DID YOU SAY IT?" "YOU'RE A FRIEND OF MINE, THAT'S IT."

he chuckled bitterly, "a friend. that's fucking funny. i literally though you also like me for a second."

huh.. what does he mean? also? you laughed nervously, "hey, did i hear you right? thought i heard 'also' there."

"you're fucking dense, aren't you? do you want me to scream it straight at your face? i fucking like you."

you froze. yes, but embarrassment caught up and you covered your reddened face, "WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY CONFESSING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY?"

"I AIN'T EXPECTING YOU TO SAY ANYTHING, SHITHEAD!" "I LIKE YOU TOO!" "SHUT THE FUCK UP I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY OF A CONFESSION." "IT'S NOT A PITY OF A CONFESSION BUT FINE! I DON'T LIKE YOU." "OKAY THEN. I'M BRINGING SOMEONE ELSE NEXT DINNER AND TELL THE OLD HAG WE BROKE UP." "NOOOOOOO!!"

ㅡ todoroki

i was contemplating whether to have him help fake date or have him need help. it's fitting if he's the one in need so i decided just that.

he might seem dense and clueless most of the time but he's the epitome of evilness.

he talks about you all the time that's why fuyumi has taken a liking to you and asked shoto to invite you to dinner with them.

shoto sees this as a chance. he'll take advantage of the situation because he knows you won't say no.

he goes to where you are sitting, "i apologize but my sister, fuyumi, she thinks we're dating. she wants to invite you to dinner at our house later." he said that with a straight face but this mf is smirking on the inside.

"uhhh, okay? sure? but uhm, why would she think we're dating?" "she thinks everyone close to me is dating me. she's like that.. yes. fuyumi likes you the most, i think. that's.. uh, that's why she's inviting you to dinner." (I HC HIM AS A BAD LIAR)

sounds suspicious and weird, but okay? you have a lot of question in mind.

"i would go. but how should i act? why didn't you tell her we aren't dating though?" "i don't want to disappoint my sister. you can act like you're dating me, if it's fine with you. just for a day."

"sure, sure! just tell me where and what time. i'll be there." "no, you can come with me. we'll go there together."

he brings you to the todoroki household after class. their house is soooo pretty. it's a traditional japanese house.

fuyumi was the first one to greet you, with her sparkling eyes and bright smile, she held both your hands gently and said, "i'm so glad you came! i've been wanting to ask shoto to have you come eat with us. thank you for coming!"

natsuo jogged from the back and gave you a cool wave, "hey, (y/n). how was it dealing with shoto?"

you faked sighed, "awful. how did you deal with him for the last 16 years?" "we never did." "oh.... OH NO I'M SORRY!" "HAHAHA. it's fine, i'm just kidding. no biggie."

enji won't be home for the day. he's busy doing number 1 hero works.

the dinner was fun. it was the funniest dinner you have ever had.

shoto's quietness is the exact opposite of natsuo's talkativeness. that man is talkative and funny as fuck. throwing jokes everywhere. it was entertaining.

all shoto did was take care of you. he serves you all the food you point at, gets you water, he even went too close for comfort and wiped a stain just above your lips. it made you blush, yes. you don't know why but it left you lightheaded. (you're in love with him, that's why)

fuyumi.. our beautiful and beloved fuyumi.

she exposed his brother's ass.

"aww. you guys are so cute together. ah! (y/n), do you remember that time when.. uhm, kaminari was it? i forgot his name but do you remember that time where he told you, midoriya, and the girls to wear a maid costume for the festival because your class is having a maid cafe booth? shoto told me you were so pretty that time! he hated how the boys in your class looked at you like you were some sweet treat, isn't that right, shoto?"

"and do you remember when you fought bakugo at the sports festival? where it was a close fight and you gave him a hard time? shoto said you won if the decision was up to him and that you were so cool!"

and she went on and on.

shoto was red as a tomato (or even redder) beside you. he was clutching his pants as if he was asking the floor to just eat him up.

you decided to ask him about this later to not uncover the fake dating plan.

dinner ended after a little talking, fuyumi gave you leftovers to take home which you will not reject because her cooking is divine, and asked you to come again after giving you a big and warm hug.

natsuo gave you a high five and thanked you for coming. he also thanked you for laughing at his jokes. he feels like he's very funny now.

both said goodbye to shoto.

the journey back to the heights was quiet but not awkward. it seems like shoto knew you have a lot in mind.

you spoke when he's about to open the main door. "what was that?" he looked at you with a confused expression, "the one at dinner."

"ah, if it isn't obvious yet after my sister opened her mouth, i like you. i have been for a long time now." he said that with a deadpan expression, "it annoyed me at first, it annoyed me that you're in my mind whenever i try to sleep, you're in my mind everytime i wake up. it annoyed me that i want nothing more than to hold you near me, hold your hands, warm you up with my fire everytime you feel cold, hug you, kiss you." he sighed frustratedly, "i just want to do everything with you... i'm sorry. i'm not good with words."

WELL YOU DID NOT EXPECT HIM TO BE THIS STRAIGHTFORWARD.

but again, this is todoroki shoto.

"..what? shoto... i didn't know you felt that way. why didn't you tell me?" you asked him concernedly, you lifted your hand to hold his face but stopped halfway thinking maybe he doesn't want to be touched.

but then he held your hand and guided it to hold his face, "i didn't actually plan to confess but when people started talking about how good of a hero you'd become in the future and when everyone started saying they all want to date you, that's when i decided it's now or never." he looked at your eyes, "i don't want to lose this chance. that's why i started telling fuyumi stories about you and asking her what to do."

"is that why your sister thought we were dating?" "yes. she knows about how i feel for you. she told me to confess and i told her i did and that it went well. i lied to her. i don't know why."

you coughed, "so, she doesn't really think everyone close to you is dating you?" "yes." "you lied to me?" "yes, i apologize."

"you could have told me you like me too!?" "it's not that easy to confess. plus, i really wanted to know how everything will go. it went well, i'm satisfied. you like me too, right?" "i do, shoto. i like you so much." he smiled at you, that rare fucking smile he knows is pretty, "that's enough for me."

"BUT YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF EVERYTHING?" "yes. yes, i did." "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU!!?" "date me, (y/n)" "OKAY!"

ㅡ midoriya

a lot of guys from the other class have been bothering you. they kept on asking for your number and stuff. one even sent you flowers and a box of chocolates.

you appreciate it if you're being honest. what you don't appreciate is them sticking to you the whole lunch.

you told mina what's happening and she told you that the best shot of getting off those admirers of yours is to date somebody.

you don't wanna to that though. aside from focusing on studies, you have feelings for this certain someone with green messy hair and freckles. you don't want to date someone just to use them and lie to them.

"you know, what if you just get your shit together and confess to midoriya?" "MINA, BE QUIET! SOMEONE MIGHT HEAR YOU!" "confess to midoriya!" she whispired.

"or just ask him to date you until your followers stop following you around?" kaminari interjects, "what, you mean like, fake date him?" "yeah. something like that." "you're really useful sometimes, aren't you?" "shut up, mina."

you've thought about it all night. would izuku think i'm using him? would he reject the idea? would he be mad about it?

after contemplating, you finally went out of your room and walked straight at his door. he opened it with a smile after 3 knocks.

"hey, (y/n)! how can i help you?"

you looked at him nervously. what you were about to ask is a big part to act. "i will get straight to the point. some people from the other classes have been bothering me for a while now. they keep on following me and asking for my number even though i rejected them all the time. i want to ask you if you could date me? IT'S FAKE! OF COURSE. will you please fake date me until they get off me? i, uh, i'm not taking advantage of your kindness. i promise. right?" you said with a shaking voice.

he laughed at your rambling, "no need to be nervous, (y/n)! i would love to do the honors and fake date you! it's like an undercover hero mission. it's so cool! when do we start?"

you smiled at his enthusiasms. izuku is really the kindest person here on earth. you told him what to do, who those people are, etc. your fake dating starts tomorrow.

izuku was waiting outside your door when you opened it, he has his usual beaming smile when you saw him, "hi, (y/n)! ready to start our mission?" he's surely so into this whole thing.

you both walked down the lounge area holding each other's hand. everyone was gaping at the sight except todoroki who remained munching on his sandwich and bakugo who, well, "fucking finally you idiots." he said.

izuku let go of your hand and held both his hands up while shaking his head in a panicky manner, "no, no! we're just fake dating. i'm helping (y/n) get rid of their admirers! they said it was bothering them!"

"okay. but (y/n), why deku?" the motherfucker was smirking at you. todoroki, bless him, caught the panic in your eyes and called bakugo off. "that's enough, bakugo. leave them alone." "tsk! fucking icyhot a fucking killjoy."

most of your admirers stopped following you after they saw you holding hands with izuku. he's been doing a lot for you. he tried to tie your hair at training and brought you water. nothing much happened inside the classroom because everyone knows it's just a show. lots of outsiders believe you're dating izuku. some still bothers you from time to time especially at lunch.

you were sitting with bakugo, todoroki, kirishima, and of course, izuku, when a group of 3 went to your table (they're brave. no one would come bother bakugo's table because everyone's terrified of him.)

"hey, (y/n). can you give me your number now? i just wanted to get to know you better." "(y/n) give me your number! i'll send you lots of chocolates. i promise!" "they're liars but i'm not. i'd take you to your favorite movie this sunday of you'll give me your number?"

you pursed your lips in an annoyed manner, your friends are here and they're embarrassing you. you were about to speak when izuku beats you to it, "please stop bothering (y/n). it's obvious that my partner doesn't want to give you their number."

the group stared at each other with bewildered expressions on their faces, one looked at izuki and asked, "partner? you mean, combat partner or boyfriend? (y/n)'s dating someone?"

izuku wore a prideful expression on his face, "yes, i am their boyfriend and they're dating someone. that's why with all due respect, please leave them alone."

the 3 backed out and apologized. not everyone has the same personality as mineta. the person who seemed like their leader walked forward and bowed, "we're so sorry. we should've stopped when they rejected us the first time. they're just so intriguing that's why we wanted to know more about them. we're really sorry." with that, they left.

you faced izuku and thanked him. it was nice to finally walk and look around without seeing unfamiliar faces follow you. "thank you so much, izuku! you saved me. really."

he smilled at you, "it's nothing! i'd do anything for (y/n)." izuku froze at what he said and started chuckling anxiously, "i.. i didn't mean it like that! hahaha! but if you need anything, i, uhm, i'd always be glad to help." you stared at him and said, "me too, izuku. i'd always be glad to help you! you can come to me everytime you need something." he blushed at what you said.

"FUCKING IDIOTS JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY! I'M TIRED OF HEARING BOTH YOUR SHIT! CONFESS TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT!" "oi bakugo. that's not how to do it." "SHUT UP SHITTY HAIR!" "bakugo, you're too noisy." "YOU HALF AND HALF BASTARD I'M TIRED OF YOU TOO!"

izuku coughed tensely, "(y/n), can i talk to you outside? i just need to tell you something." you nodded, "of course!" you both stood up and left the table of wild animals.

when the two of you got outside, izuku's hands were obviously shaking so without a thought, you held it. "are you okay?" "I AM... i am." "why are you acting like this? did something happen?" you asked worriedly.

"no, everything's fine. i just.. i don't know how it started but i just woke up one day thinking how i'd love you to be mine. i want to walk you to school, i want to tell everyone i'm your boyfriend, i want to kiss you good night. haha, is it to much to ask, (y/n)? i like you a lot." he told you that nervously, the boy was shaking and sweating.

"i can't believe it... izuku, i like you too. oh god, are you serious?" "i am, haha! i didn't know you feel the same. i'm really happy!" "i didn't know you feel the same too! half of our classmates knew that i like you. katsuki's just too noisy. he literally told everyone when you did extra training." "(y/n).. kacchan also knows about my feelings for you! he told todoroki and kirishima. is that why he's so persistent in getting us together?" "i don't know. that's just how he is."

you both were awkward as fuck but izuku asked if you'd like to date for real and you said yes.

when you came back to the table, it was bakugo who spoke first, "are you idiots finally together?" you replied to him with a middle finger which aggravated the blondie, "YOU FUCKER!"

[linkspooky]

Shigaraki and Dabi

Heroes hurt their own families in order to help complete strangers. Words said by Shigaraki, and lived by Dabi. If you haven’t noticed, there’s quite a lot of parallels between the two of them. Especially their childhood selves, dark haired hero hopefuls whose hair turned white due to stress and eventually fell and became villains. They were the children closest to the heroes, the son of Endeavor, the grandson of Nana Shimura, and yet both of them fell through the cracks the hardest. Let’s talk about the foiling of these two, under the cut. 

1. Father Says No

Both Shigaraki and Dabi are characters who grew up in a strict, patriarchical household where the father was the head of the household and determined all the rules. 

The Shimura household was built by Koutarou, who held all the money, and therefore determined all the rules. The same can be said for the Todoroki household, which only came into being to fuel Enji’s ambitions. This is something Enji literally thinks, his first priority when having children was not to love and raise them, but to raise heirs that would carry on his quirk and make up for the weakness in it.

Enji also literally used his financial wealth and status to pressure her family into arranging a marriage. In the households, the patriarch is the ultimate authority and cannot be questioned. Koutarou sets the rules of the household because he has all the money. Endeavor sets the rules of the household because these children are there to be his heirs. Toya and Tenko both break the rules in their father’s households in some way and become scapegoats. 

Ironically, they break the rules in opposite ways. Tenko, because he wants to become a hero. 

Toya, because his flawof the flames being too harsh for his flame constitution and burning his own skin makes him unable to become a hero and carry on his father’s legacy.

Quick tangent to explain what I mean with Toya. This is speculation, because we haven’t been shown the exact details, so feel free to point and laugh at me if I’m wrong. Endeavor says (incorrectly) that if Toya had reached his goal for him, that all of his pent up negative emotions would have disappeared just like that. (They wouldn’t.)

Which means, Endeavor once again projected himself on his child. Toya was supposed to fix all Endeavor’s hurt feelings for him. So, when Toya failed at the training. When Toya wasn’t good enough. When Toya was flawed. 

Which means it’s likely, Toya went in Endeavor’s mind from being the one who could carry his dreams, to being the one that Endeavor could scapegoat to blame for his negative emotions. Which meant, at some point he tossed Toya aside. At that point he started treating Toya differently. Toya probably pushed himself more and more to try to go back to the way things used to be, which is probably why his hair turning white, he started to crawl to Natsu every day. 

There’s also a lot of similiarities and differences between their households. 

Enji wanted his children to be born heroes.  Koutarou’s rule was no heroes allowed. 

Shimura and Toya both had a sibling they would run to and confide in. For Shimura it was Hana, and for Toya it was Natsu. 

Shimura Tenko is the youngest sibling in the household. While Touya Todoroki was the oldest. 

On the surface, the Shimura household seems more comfortable than the Todoroki household. Shimura receives a lot of comfort from his other relatives, his grandparents, his mother, his sister. However, none of them really confronted the problem in the household and at the end of the day Tenko was still getting beaten. 

The Todoroki household also doesn’t seem like it was a place of much comfort for Toya. It really does seem from flashbacks that all he had to confide in when things started going wrong was Natsu (again feel free to taunt me cruelly if I’m wrong). 

So, you have Tenko who is quietly and gently denied by his family, and Toya who suffers all alone in his household, either getting beaten himself, pushing himself too hard in training, or hearing his father beat his mother and Shoto. 

However for both of them, it’s a gradual accumulation over time. The stress of the household overtakes them. Their hair turns from its original dark coloring to white from the sheer stress of it alone. They, as children, are made to bear the stress of their entire unhealthy household, because they are the scapegoat. 

Endeavor genuinely believes that if Toya had somehow lived up to his promise he would never have turned abusive. 

Kotaro believes that it was Tenko who was upsetting the peace of the household, because he would just not stop it with the hero talk. 

They both soak up all this stress until it explodes outward. However, the incidents that turned them from Tenko -> Shigaraki, and from Toya -> Dabi are entirely different. 

Toya committed what was essentially a suicide. He either staged his own death, or failed at his own suicide and survived. Tenko didn’t kill himself, he killed everyone else around him. Shigaraki destroyed the household that was denying him. 

To simplify the manner in which they lash out. Touya destroys himself, Tenko destroys other people, especially the ones he believes are oppressing him or his friends. 

Well you say, Dabi is trying to take down endeavor. However, Dabi still sees Endeavor and himself as one in the same. His flames are Endeavor’s flames.

One last thing, Dabi and Shigaraki are both marked by their father’s abuse. Dabi was burned by Endeavor’s flames. Dabi literally lives with third degree burns, looking like a living zombie. Then makes his burns even worse by using his flames in the self destructive manner Endeavor taught him. 

Not only does Shigaraki still carry the lip and eye scars from being beaten up with a gardening tool, but Kotaro’s hand reaching out to his face is a symbol that Shigaraki keeps on him literally to this day by wearing a hand over his face constantly. 

2. Friendship and Ideals

So I think all the subtle differences in their backgrounds is what leads to them expressing themselves differently as adults. There are several similarities between them, but I think hardcore Shigaraki fans can tell you all the reasons they prefer Shigaraki, and hardcore Dabi fans can do the same with Dabi. 

I think a lot of it has to do with their relationships to their families. Families define how you connect with other people.

Shigaraki was instructed to always keep his family close to him. He’s always confronting his own feelings about his family, his pain from his family, that’s why when he lashes out he also takes his own personal feelings and pushes them outwards. Shigaraki isn’t concerned with right or wrong, moreso, these are my feelings. I reject the society that rejects me. What Shigaraki is concerned first and foremost, is feelings. His own feelings of being rejected, and also the feelings of people who were rejected just like him. 

Shigaraki is the heart of his group. He’s the person they all rally around, because they gave him a place of belonging. And, Shigaraki has also expressed several times murderous monster that he is that he cares about the individual feelings of those closest to him. I won’t let you trample on Twice’s feelings, his first thing to do when waking up is order the league to be close to him. 

Unlike Dabi, we’ve also seen Shigaraki directly confront the feelings of his missing family once more. He forgives his sister, he tries to comfort his mom. He destroys his father again. He tells his family that he denies them. He tells his grandfather that he still hates her. 

I would say that Shigaraki carries those feelings with him, while Dabi dissociates himself from his feelings.Shigaraki directly confronts those feelings because Shigaraki is the heart, feelings are what matter more to him. 

Dabi has feelings, obviously. Dabi has feelings even if he processes them in a way that’s not easy and palatable. Everyone in fact has feelings (though sometimes I wish I didn’t). Everyone expresses things in their own way if not in the typical way. 

Dabi is completely closed off in regards to his own feelings. He’s not like Shigaraki who is open enough about them he’ll tell his backstory to the whole league on the spot. In fact that’s another difference, the league generally knows Shigaraki’s issues, when they had no idea about Dabi’s. 

When really there was no good reason not to tell them. What are they not going to be up for murdering the number one hero? 

Friendship is a priority for Shigaraki. Individualism is a priority for Dabi. 

Dabi’s feelings towards the league are a messed up jumble, but his behavior towards them is pretty consistent. He takes every oppurtunity he can to insist that he’s not a part of them, that they’re all crazy and he’s the only sane one, that he doesn’t care about their feelings. This can’t all be Dabi just being tsundere or whatever, it’s physical steps taken for Dabi to distance himself from others. 

Dabi’s individual goals are more important than his connections to other people. Shigaraki has no distinct goal besides empty lashing out and therefore connects to people with similiar hurt feelings than his. 

Remember, Dabi self destructs. It’s likely, Dabi sees himself as a martyr. An individual willing to burn himself to take down the society with him. He’s trying to die for some cause like stain. 

So before I develop on this tangent one more difference in similarity between them. Shigaraki’s family is dead. He can’t really do anything but carry on their feelings with him. Tomarau means, to mourn. 

Dabi on the other hand, his family is still alive.He could have before the whole killing spree just shown up on their front doorstep. The reason he hasn’t, is because he can’t forgive Endeavor’s sin.

Whatever pushed him this far, whether it be a strong sense of justice, or a desire for personal revenge. Dabi values that, more than he values his connections with other people, even his own family who is still alive. This is once again the complex way Dabi handles his feelings, it’s likely he pushes his family away, the same way he pushes the league away and doesn���t process them. That’s why he says I thought about it so much I went crazy. He just insists he doesn’t care, and doesn’t think instead. Shigaraki lives constantly confronting his own feelings, Dabi lives by avoiding them. 

Dabi is impersonal, aloof, and only ever thinks of himself as an individual. He will cooperate with others if it suits his needs, but the bond of the league hasn’t quite reached him yet. There’s a consequence for this. 

So twice dying was Hawks fault. Because Hawks you know, stabbed him. 

However you could say, Dabi’s planning centering all around himself, and what he can accomplish as an individual, meant he failed to accomplish that Twice might get hurt as a result of him letting Hawks into the league as a Spy. It’s an unintended consequence, but still a consequence. 

Dabi showed up to save Twice but couldn’t. Then afterwards Dabi uses Twice’s death in the most gratuiotious way possible. Dabi insists once again he doesn’t care, that he never cared about Twice except as a tool that would have made fighting the heroes a lot easier. 

Shigaraki destroys everything around him. He destroys for the sake of the people around him. Dabi destroys himself, his own feelings, he self destructs. When people get caught up in his flames they’re sacrifices for his cause. 

Their priorities and the way they lash out are different. Dabi cares more for ideals than people. Shigaraki cares more for people than ideals.

However, they don’t have to destroy each other. Shigaraki trusts Dabi. Shigaraki of all the members of the league (with Toga as well) is the heart, is the best at sympathizing with the pain of other people because he is constantly in pain himself. 

Dabi made a mistake and as a result Twice got killed. He gambled with too high of circumstances. Twice let a secret slip and invited the heroes to the League’s compound. Twice brought Chisaki for a meeting and because of that Magne died. This kind of scenario has happened before. Of course Dabi insists that his motivations were less pure than Twice’s, he didn’t care what happened to the rest of the league as long as he got the dirt he wanted for his big reveal.

I’m not suggesting that Dabi is secretly a sweetheart, or a misunderstood angsting teddy bear. Just that Dabi is currently closed off from all of his feelings, that’s why he denies too the feelings of people around him and their attempts to reach out for him. Dabi has refused the compansionship of the league. 

It doesn’t have to be like this. Characters can develop. Shigaraki especially has been shown to reach out to people multiple times. Kurogiri is fond of him. Himiko and Twice in their moment of weakness, are convinced to stay on Shigaraki’s side because he shows their face to them. Spinner basically questioned why he was even staying with the league at his lowest point when he thought they had no reason to be there, and it was Shigaraki who he found his cause in. 

Dabi is lacking something. He’s burned off and emotionally stunted his ability to develop connections with other people. 

Shigaraki is lacking something. He is, again and again, told that he needs a plan besides destroy everything. Shigaraki is very observant of the world, and understands the truth, but he can’t get people to listen. Unlike Dabi who planned to such an extent, that he literally made a live public broadcast to turn public opinion against Endeavor because that was more important than winning a fight. 

It’s true Dabi and Shigaraki could turn against each other, because Dabi doesn’t value people, because Shigaraki considers his lashing out more important than his ideals. They could also be the ones to balance each other out. We’re at an important turning point now, Dabi can either break off from the league now that his individual mission is compelte, or he can finally be reached by the league. 

I think Shigaraki might reach him, because even though they’re grown up so differently they started in the exact same place. They were both boys who wanted to be heroes, and just wanted one person to tell them it was okay, that they could be heroes too. 

[jerzwriter]

How do both of your pairings manage Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny and things like that with their kid/s?

UGH. Nonny. This was SUCH a big issue for me IRL. Personally, I don't believe in selling these things to children. We always say it makes childhood "magical," but that's because we're lying about reality. I think we should teach them what real magic is, the love of the people who surround them, and sometimes even the outside world.

Ironically, I adore the concept of Santa Claus, and I cry every damn year when I watch Miracle on 34th St. (tradition! lol). But it's a fable and should be treated as such. Kids should know it's their parents/guardians/whoever loves them and is doing these nice things for them. It is a way to teach love and giving to others.

And what of poor children? You know, the ones who don't have the money for oodles of gifts under the tree? Do they assume they are "bad" because they get nothing or get much less than other peers? Heaven knows we demonize the poor enough; does this just help kids internalize feeling lesser?

I didn't want to do this with my kids, and I was overruled. I knew it was a mistake as one child was special needs, and when they learned (in a really bad way) that these were essentially lies it was not a good thing at all. (I said I told you so A LOT.) If I had it to do over again, I would NOT do it. I know it's not a popular opinion, but I stand by it.

Now... why can I totally imagine Ethan feeling the same way? When he discusses it with Kaycee, definitely understands his point (see Casey's reasons below, Kaycee is the same, remember) but takes a more "traditional American" approach to this. They compromise (kind of what I did, lol), and with Santa, they will have one gift from Santa under the tree in the morning. The rest will be from Mommy, Daddy, Grandpa, etc. The focus will NOT be on gifts but on acts of service and love. And when the day comes, they will explain that Santa is sort of a metaphor for love, charity, and kindness, never meant to be taken literally. I think they'd skip the tooth fairy (part of the compromise) and just let the child know Mommy & Daddy will have something special for them in the morning.

Now... Tobias... I see him going full on Christmas and wanting to go all out with the tradition. I see Casey being the one who hesitates. Casey's family really struggled financially when she was a child. She lived in an area where many people lived in poverty, and she knows how the children who did without felt. (For her part, she was fortunate. Even for years, her parents couldn't afford gifts. She had aunts, uncles, and grandparents who were not wealthy but could step in and help). So I think they'd take a similar approach, Santa's part of the festivities, not the main focus. He leaves a gift and a stocking, but the big gifts come from Mom & Dad Grandma Vivian. Also, in their household, the religious aspect comes into play a bit more (it's not in the Ramsey household at all.) So it makes it easier to remove the focus.

Thanks for this ask - I'm sure you didn't want my dissertation. This has just always been an issue for me. lol