#my mom sucks too btw
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I love you fucked up tv shows I love you gorey movies I love you traumatized characters who perpetuate the cyclical nature of abuse while still managing to remain sympathetic I love you intentionally morally ambiguous media that exists specifically to pose questions about psychology, ethics, and human nature I love you unflinching examinations of what it means to dance the line between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors I love you I love you I love you
#I’m having a moment. happy sugar life was GOOD man#I’m just gonna. tag this with my favorite psychologically scarring media because MAN.#ode to them and the way they make me feel about life and living and the people around me fr <3#happy sugar life#danganronpa#squid game#lolita#demon slayer#goddamnit there’s probably so many more that I’m forgetting#six feet under#<- currently watching that one with my mom and I truly cannot recommend it ENOUGH#future diary#<- MY FUCKING BELOVED. GOD IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD#sweet home#(except i’m ignoring the ending because i personally think it sucked and undermined the whole message of the comic)#feel free to add your own here too btw!! I need some good recommendations teehee :3#your turn to die#FORGOT THAT ONE WHOOPS#saw franchise#corpse party
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hello, the red panda plush i reblogged to your post is branded "Hugs & Cuddles", i got mine at walmart, shes weighted! im isle-of-misfit-joys btw this is just my main
Ooh very good to know, ty! I actually have to go to Walmart soon to do a return so maybe they'll have a hug and cuddles red panda available for me to use the money on
#I can't go til after Christmas due to my work schedule but that probably works out for the best#its likely to be sold out atm due to the holidays but I should have more luck after the fact#its just gonna suck like hell having to wait in that returns line Dx#I wish I didn't have to return anything but its a gift that was for my sis but my mom bought it for her too#she conveniently “forgot” I'd ordered the same thing for my sis n bought it and gave it to her asap#so instead of taking the L and forgetting about $60 Im gonna bring it back n use the money for myself#hopefully the red panda doesn't cost that much?#I just recently got into weoghted plush after thrifting a white rabbit from goodwill#its made by animal alley (a toys r us brand (rip legend)) and its back end is weighted#it has a really really nice weight that makes it feel realistic along with it looking it too#so Im interested in getting another weighted plush#viti shoosh#isle-of-misfit-joys#I love both your urls btw so whimsical and fun
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pov: you were just kissing your new girlfriend hello
ty to this post for reminding me i wanted to do a college era take on that episode 9 scene:
#nge#misato katsuragi#ritsuko akagi#misato x ritsuko#mrk#nge fanart#fanart#mine#my fanart#scopo /#misato#ritsuko#ritsuko thinks she's playing it soooo cool btw#god latent lesbianism aside having your one (1) friend ditch you to spend all her time with Some Guy's gotta suck i'd call my mom too#them becoming close enough friends to instead annoy misato to death most entertaining possible outcome
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Had a conversation last night with someone about the two times I've ever dated and I realized that when it comes to the first guy in middle school who came out as gay after like two weeks, he was probably using me as a beard cuz at one point he called me with his mom and had me tell her we were dating but cuz of anxiety it took several minutes for me to actually say it but that was likely him trying to convince her like "Hey I've got a girlfriend, see I can't be gay!" and like, homophobia from his mom aside, that's really fucking funny that I was a beard without knowing it and like six years later I ended up being a gay guy myself.
#he ended up having to move schools cuz i guess his mom thought that would fix the whole gay thing but it obviously didnt and that like.#sucks that his moms a scumbag and idk what#kinda conversation they had going on between him breaking up with me and him moving schools but like. man i feel bad for him#i met him again years later and he smoked a cigarette in the creek then left the butt in the water DESPITE THAT VERY MUCH NOT BEING A COOL#THING TO DO. so like. turns out hes not a great guy actually. i at least hope his moms not in his life if she still sucks.#personal#btw no im not hurt at all if he really was JUST using me as a beard. which is highly likely. nobody feel bad for me please lmao#and looking back on it. my only date with him was at his church so that lines up too. idk what he was probably catholic or christian
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Most people understand the horror of being buried alive. Of being suffocated. Of being stuck in one place as you feel yourself dying.
But put it in the context of being trans and cis people suddenly don't get it.
#this is directed at my mom btw#laughed at the “industrial freezer” line bc everyone knows life sucks#someone else doing it is scary#but to yourself?#who isnt you but is you?#its still someone else but its you dont you get it?#its too weird and out there?#i guess so#but#theres still time#you arent selfish#you deserve to be happy#and your truest self#i saw the tv glow
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im not finishing it bc it fucking sucks but this would have been the "attempted family photo but ezra forgot to come home from college and sabine would rather take the photo than be in it and kanan is just vibing while hera is five minutes from snapping and jacen is just a babie. he's a babie and he's got six teeths and he just wants to chomp something (someone)" drawing i could have done
#it fucking sucks but i give up u better be happy its blurry here too#jacens face n cheeks? nice. his head? potato. kanan? who is he. why. cataracts are hard to draw btw surprisingly.#hera looks more like her mom than she does hera and i FULLY blame the fact that rebels style animation is impossible for me to replicate#in my own style#otherwise she's the best off the three. but even then. not good.#so yea#thats it thats all bye.#kanan jarrus#jacen syndulla#hera syndulla#star wars: rebels#fucking hope this doesnt get in the tags im just tagging for my own blog#please for the love of god do not go to the larger tumblr tags i beg.#my art#mimse art
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TWELVE................
#12 year tumblrversary#tumblr milestone#this information confuses and vexes me#I made this blog when I was 14?? that's insane#I remember it pretty well too#I was a freshman in high school but already scheming to drop out and go to college early#(which I did btw. high school sucked & a little less than 1 year was all I could put up with)#I made an account here bc my friends from neopets all had one#and I kept it a secret from my parents bc they didn't want me having any social media#like 2 years in my mom discovered it and had me read my posts out loud to her. deeply embarrassing moment for everyone involved#it's fine tho she let me keep it lol#and I'm still here I suppose
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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how the fuck do u wash a weighted blanket
#text#am i gonna have to call a laundromat pathetic style and be like 'hey can ur washing machines handle my 15lb blanket'#i might make my mother call#ive never been 2 a laundromat we have a washer and dryer in the basement + when it breaks we just handwash stuff#which sucks btw. especially in winter cuz u cant even air dry stuff outside#we have like ........ i dont know how to explain this room. we ghave a room in the basement that has counters (?? for some fucking reason)#and a shitty old freezer from the 90s (unsure how it is still functional) and it has stuff piled on like every single surface and its#fucking tiny right. well my parents put up hooks n shit and strung yarn btwn them to dry stuff when our dryer broke once and like#it WORKED i GUESS. but yarn is not good at holding many items. and we didnt have clothespins so stuff would slide to the middle of it#tldr IT WAS ANNOYING and ABSOLUTELY CANNOT HANDLE A 15LB BLANKET#we have a. curtainrod functioning as a closet rod thing but not in a closet . in my twin brother's old room. that maybeee could handle it#but then the blanket would drip water everywhere and also we;d have to get it UP there. do u know how fucking HEAVY a wet weighted blanket#would be. answer is VERY#id LIKE to dry it AT the laundromat but the tag said to air dry only#so i might just ask them if i go or if my mom calls#ive been thinking abt this literally all week as u can see#my fucking duvet as well i gotta wash that too#i have so much bed related laundry to do
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Have you ever had this thing happen, where you're going through some kind of crisis - mental or physical health wise, or even socially or something else - and one of your parent's friends comes up to you to tell you about how YOUR crisis is affecting your parent? Like, going out of their way to pile on about how the negative effects of what you're dealing with is impacting your parent.
Because it's happened to me, and let me say... it always seems particularly impertinent(?) I think it's the best word to describe it. Because, yeah, I KNOW that my crisis is having a negative effect on the people who care about me. And that sucks. But it's also MY crisis, and you know who is feeling the principal negative impact of whatever it is? It's me, dude. I don't need or deserve to have some outside observer come tell me to be more thoughtful about the impact on my parents with no consideration for me. (And, even if whoever this person maybe does care about the impact of whatever the crisis is on me, it sure feels like they don't when they come to me specifically to talk about the impact of my personal crisis on someone else.) I've got enough on my plate.
Anyway, this post is also about Jason Todd and Bruce Wayne. This is what I think of whenever I see someone talk about Jason needing to consider the impact of his death on Bruce. He fuckin' DIED, my guy. No matter how much it sucked for Bruce, Jason does not need to be considering Bruce's feelings about it before his own.
#jason todd#bruce wayne#jason's actually allowed to feel however he wants about the time he was kidnapped tortured died had to break out of his own coffin#like it sucks that bruce had a mental breakdown when jason died but jason specifically does not need to be putting bruce's feelings first#in this situation#idk lol i'm prob projecting a lil bit here but also i'm def a lil right too#this also isn't me saying that when you're having a health crisis you can treat your caretakers like shit btw#this is specifically about outside observers who haven't done jack for me coming to remind me to consider the impact of my crisis on my mom
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unsuspecting friend makes the mistake of asking me about work in friends' group chat, 3 dead 1 gravely injured
#do not ask unless you are prepared for the rant#I'm sorry I'm not like this normally btw#I hate talking about work#my mom and an ex have complained in the past about me never wanting to talk to them about work#why would I want to do that my job sucks.....#must I think about it outside working hours too#*
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venn diagram overlap between bbc sherlock and good omens includes:
- short seasons with really long episodes
- queerbaiting
- fans recognize that the writing is bad but think the writers/showrunners are too good to make a bad show because it started out strong/they've made better work in the past so they make up theories about how it's actually all going according to plan and will result in an ending that justifies the bad choices (it won't)
#bbc sherlock sucked from the get-go but it got worse over time also moffat wrote some of the best episodes in dr who#fr it's wild how much gomens feels like a superwholock#my posts#i still like gomens s1 btw#a season 2 money grab doesnt change the fact that i know in my heart those old bitches fucked and got married#the second they were free from heaven and hell likeeeee lmao#the source of their pining is over like wtf is happening#like the show is really trying to have its cake and eat it too like they'll say things that sound analagous to being in a relationship#but they're like. definitely not#it's really the most disgustingly overt bait in the world it's so annoying#i wouldve almsot rather they completley no homo'd it than whatever they're trying to do here#anyway if i wasn't watching it with my mom i wouldn't even bother#and you shouldnt either
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made it halfway through changing my sheets. like i have to finish i obviously can’t sleep here until i put sheets on but. god i don’t want to… this fucking sucks!
#i’ve had a productive day at least. had work. went shopping with my mom and bought new shorts. i also got a sundress!!!!#i started my laundry. i’m changing my sheets. i didn’t forget to take my allergy meds!#(i always forget because allergies are a new thing for me. it sucks btw) (who knew that roughly a 2 hour drive could take you somewhere so#radically different to your home that it gives you seasonal allergies? yeah it sounds fake to me too. but apparently.)#AND i need to finish my nails too. still need to paint the fucking lemons why did i decide to do nail art the weekend with NO time. hello#beth.txt#also i can’t watch the football show again i’ve had my weekly fill of those guys tbh#i really want to watch some more of alina tho….#but i can’t now because im doing stuff so whatever i put on the tv has to be like. an old movie or ouat or something#i can’t paint lemons while watching shadow and bone that’s not gonna happen#ok i gotta finish these sheets. actually not to be tmi but i have to pee first. ok break!!
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sigh i love my mom shes literally the peak "im trying my best" cis trans ally. she was telling me about my trans cousin and i told her to use he/him and not his deadname since he was a trans man now and she did, then shed accidentally do it again like almost every sentence and realize a second later and would go ...HE..... but she was getting the hang of it better than my """liberal""" maternal grandma who claims hes faking it. my mom let it be known but still defends her by saying "shes a good person and supports the queer community its just because she doesnt have a good relationship with him" (and also shes christian and thinks its just "against the bible") . and like its sad to me because she was very abusive to her as a kid. its hard to look at her the same way knowing all the stuff i know now. shes very old and shes extremely nice to all of us and thats probably why my moms so lenient on her. but still. :(
and actually you know whats so funny though. my moms like. your paternal grandparents who voted for trump would accept a trans person more than her mom. like my grandmas a sweetheart but is very dense (hence why she voted for trump) and my grandpa is like. angry racist grandpa but he wouldnt make so much of a deal over it. youve truly failed when a trumper out of all people is more progressive than you
dog
#rambling#my mom is a bit of the old white woman liberal type too but.... shes not too bad in all honesty#complaining about the election together has been so fulfilling i really want a better relationship with her#also i havent seen him in a long time i dont think. i cannot remember anyone thats not my immediate family lol i hope i do though!#iM NOT DEFENDING MY GRANDPARENTS BTW THEY SUCK I DONT WANNA SEE THEM but its funny
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I'm gonna kill myself, bro
#post#vent#personal#man. this sucks#I can never have any negative emotions around my mom n that has definitely aided to my stunted emotional growth#or to my exacerbatedly developed logical growth#my one and only therapist who had to fire me bcus she got a new job somewhere else told me that that's my problem. I'm too logical#that I need to allow myself to feel. I can't do that in this house#any non positive emotion from me has my parents worried sick n desperate to try to change it instead of letting it go#btw don't ask me if I'm ok. clearly I'm not but we all have to get on with our lives don't we#so! simply accept that I've been suicidal since 13 n just keep scrolling on. who even gives a shit anymore#I've made peace with it. everyone else should do#I have to do my homework today after all
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#arrrggh#i have a MRSA infection and it hurts soooo much#y'all it looked NASTY#It's draining now but dear lorde#i showed it to my mom and she said it made it look kind of like my pin up bride of Frankenstein tattoo had a hair piece 🤮🤮🤮#ew! it's so red around it too y'all i can't#before anyone worries i get these all the time btw. I'm dealing with it i get ointment prescribed because i get it so frequently#usually that does the trick but i do go to the doctor if it gets worse instead of better it just usually goes away when i use the ointment#i did end up on antibiotics a few times ago though that's how i found out i was allergic to bactrim#fun fact if you get mrsa once you basically have it for life#so once this goes away my doctor told me i could try decolonizing my skin but that's going to suck hard#a week and a half of hibicleanse baths and i have to put the ointment up my nose twice a day while i do the baths#so idk if I'll even bother like yeah there are super annoying because they are very painful ESPECIALLY if you have to get one lanced#but that's just so much work#i had one lanced on my butt when i was a kid and that is one of the most painful experiences I've EVER had in my life#it already hurt to sit it hurt a lot#but after the numbing wore off? i was screaming and crying in my siblings lap in the car on the way home#i literally can feel the pain getting close to 20 years later if i remember it hard enough
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