#my mom had breast cancer when i was a junior in high school that i have ptsd from

[voulezloux]

z

[lazzies123]

If I Were Born in Better Circumstances, It Wouldn't Make Me A Better Man

As a kid, I thought family was the most important of all. My mom and dad worked so hard so we could have a good life. We had a big house. I had my own room and a PlayStation 2. I remember coming home from school, and the first thing I'd do was throw my backpack on my bed, and I'd turn on PlayStation and play it until late at night. My mom always yelled at me if I played too long. My big brother used to play music tape, pop, rock, and metal songs. He would play it at maximum volume, and it wouldn't bother any neighbour because our house was just so big. I thought I had the best family in the world and it would last forever. I was wrong.

My dad married my mom when he was in his 40s. Dad had so many siblings, and as the elder brother, he felt responsible for every one of them. My dad would send money to his siblings, sending them to schools and colleges until the youngest one could stand on his feet. This is why my dad got married so late.

When I was in junior high school, my mom passed away from breast cancer. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. I was only 14. My brother was 16, and my dad was in his late 50s. Dad was already retired from his job at that time, and he had a business to finance our family. This was a hard time because I realised no one would yell at me anymore if I played PlayStation for too long. No one would ask me about my study and homework anymore. Dad was so busy with his new business, and it was good for the first 2 years. It was until the business collapsed later that I realised that the ideal life I once had would come to an end.

When I got into senior high school, I had to help my dad with his business. I found a good way, which was to sell his products at school. It was a credit balance for a mobile phone. I felt that my glorious days had finally come. I made a lot of friends. This, however, lasted only a short time. Due to the national exam, I decided to quit selling balance to focus on the exam. At this moment, I realised that my high school life was not as "perfect" as I thought. Those who I consider friends were not actually friends. They were only customers. When I shut down the shop, these "friends" no longer needed me. I remember walking into a huge field at my school. I looked around, but no one would even look at me. At that moment, I realised that having many friends was not always good. In the end, only a few would genuinely care about me.

After graduating from school, my dad decided to sell our house. He convinced me that the money would be enough for my university tuition fee. I fully trusted my dad and applied to a reputable private university in my country. The tuition fee is, of course, costly. However, my father told me not to worry about it. Everything went smoothly until I reached the 4th semester. My dad approached me one night with a serious face. He told me that he did not have enough money anymore. He said he couldn't pay my tuition fee due to miscalculations and financial mismanagement. I was so disappointed at that time. I yelled at my father, asking if I should quit university and get a job instead. To my surprise, my father responded with a yes. I needed to take a break from university. This was the first moment in my life that I was disappointed with my family. I thought I was right to trust him. Sacrificing my study for the sake of the family. I really had no choice then.

After working part-time and being a contract employee for 4 years, I finally paid my university tuition fee. It was tough because I had to save money and become the backbone of the family at the same time. My big brother decided to get married at 26 and could not support us anymore. I was 24 at that time. While most university students spend four to four and a half years to complete their studies, it took almost seven years for me. But again, all the hard work paid off once I attended my graduation ceremony. The next stage of my life awaited.

After graduating from university, I applied to many big companies to get a chance to have a better job. I remember this was not as difficult as I thought because I was a fresh graduate with 4 years of working experience. At this time, I thought my life would be smooth and get better. Again, I was so wrong.

Not long after I got a new job and was promoted to a permanent employee, my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. In short, this illness caused him not to be able to speak clearly and could not walk properly. He needed someone at his side 24/7. He was 71 at this point. Luckily, my job was so flexible. I asked my boss nicely, and he allowed me to work from home every day while I took care of my dad. This might sound nice at first, but it was not.

My job required me to focus while attending to a client or customers. Sometimes, my dad asked for my help when I was working, and it became very difficult. After doing this for almost 2 years, I became very temperamental and disliked my father. Nearly every day, I wished for freedom. I was so jealous seeing my friends' lives on social media, where they could freely travel, find partners, and get married. I wish I could do those, too, but I couldn't. I needed to stay at my dad's side all the time, and I could not leave the house for too long. I was sometimes unsure if I would one day find the love of my life at this point.

Now, I am 27 and just got promoted to supervisor this year. My boss is very nice. He told me he had plans for my future career. One day, he'd make me a regional manager. Of course, I should not hope too much. For now, I just needed to do my job as best as possible. Despite that, I had plans in my head. If I became a manager one day, I wanted to save money and build a passive income. It could be a property renting, a good franchise, or even starting a small business. I think having a second income besides my job is very important. If I lose my job one day, the second income will save me from hard times. I might have grown to dislike my dad, but I learned so many things from him. I learned that saving money is very crucial for emergency needs. Other than that, I wish I could marry before 30. If I have children one day, I do not want to retire while they are only in their 17s. I would still need my job to support my children's university tuition fees. Either that or I could finally make my business big and enough to support my family for generations. This, of course, would be very challenging, knowing how unpredictable life is. I will do my best for my family, always.

At the end of the day, I always wish to find a wonderful woman to accompany me in the harsh next stage of my life. I loved someone for almost 2 years. She was amazing and probably one of the nicest women I've met. Unfortunately, she never sees me as someone special. Oh, I wish I were not so ordinary. I guess it is time to let go. If I can find someone who thinks I am special, I will treasure her so and do my best to make her happy. It's my promise to God. After all, I always believe that God has plans for me. Good or bad, God's plans are always the best. I hope one day, I can be a responsible husband and a good father to all my children. I wish I could have a wonderful and warm family in the future.

[ohnoyoonoh]

PREVIEW of PHILIA & EROS

author -; @ohnoyoonoh​

genre. au -; highschool au, based on/inspired by the movie. the half of it. coming of age.

pairing -; lee jeno x oc, huang renjun x oc, jeno x oc x renjun, renjun x jeno (ish)

synopsis -; a story of where someone asks a writer to write them a love letter for the girl they like except the writer likes this girl, too. it's an adventure of lessons in friendship and first love with renjun, jeno, and hwayoung in the town of dalgleish, oregon.

author’s note -; sneak peek into my upcoming story with jeno and renjun. i was actually very passionate in this story. this is the first story in a while that will be tagged with networks, yayyy lol lmk if you wanna be part of the taglist

warnings -; love triangle, strong language, minor bullying, whole story includes touches on sexuality, touches on sex but not committed, underage drinking and drug use, mention of minor character death (renjun’s mom), kissing, long ass story lemme tell you that

word count -; (preview) 4.8k and it’s only the beginning

Love. Love certainly comes in different forms. According to C.S. Lewis, there are four types that people focus on: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape. Omitting agape as many do not believe in the Christian faith, the other three simply play a role in everyone’s upbringing whether they notice the existence of these loves in their life or not. Following the words of Lewis, we would be obliged to love every single day without a choice whether it’s to us or seeing it with others. We see love wherever we go. But in this society, do we really know what love is? Love is not as straightforward as we thought it would be unlike adding and subtracting in math. Love is strange but whatever the perspective by the person, it could also be the most beautiful thing in the world.

And that is not how you write a world-class essay to make you pass an honors class.

Huang Renjun began to press the backspace of the conclusion to the last essay he needed to write for the English class. It wasn’t his essay that he was writing but one that was in his queue of his homework services. The list was stacked with requests of the take on C.S. Lewis’s Four Loves for Mrs. Lee’s Junior English Honors class, but the teacher could care less that the students cheated in the class in the peewee town of Dalgleish in the state of Oregon.

Dalgleish didn’t have much except for the Pretty Douglas Fir trees decorated around the boundaries of the town. It was fitting as the Dalgleish basically meant green field. There weren’t many open fields but looking at the town from above, the amount of trees make it look like a green space. That was one of the things that Renjun enjoyed seeing, the nature that the town offered. It was calming, least to say. Losing himself into the natura was a good getaway from the extensive labor he needed to do to support him and his family. His family consisted of his father and younger sister, Mei. His mother passed away due to breast cancer when Renjun was thirteen and Mei was ten.

That was the reason why he started his business of the homework services, but it also extended into adding more part time jobs to continue a decent salary for a high school student. His father never asked him to do any of these jobs because he never wanted to overwork Rejnun and his sister during high school. He wanted to make sure that they could focus primarily on their school work and occasional side jobs to include in their résumés and transcripts. Though due to the passing of his wife, he wasn’t able to commit to his computer science career and waived off the successful path to enter a minimum wage job.

Renjun understood the reason for his father’s lack of working, which is why he stepped up a little more than a teenager should carry on their shoulders. He loved his family too much to not do so. Which is why, he was checking off the list of names on his queue for the homework that needed to be handed that day.

Zhong Chenle

Eleanor Lee

Amie Quill

Wong Yukhei

Eugene Mills and the list going on.

He calculated the amount that was due and the total, making sure that no one paid him less. He didn’t mind if someone paid more, as it would be beneficial to any extra expenses that needed to be paid off. “$20 per essay, mm.. $200. That should be enough to cover the water bill and the groceries.”

Mei nodded, writing the total on the sticky notes that littered all over the mirrored wall. The wall full of sticky notes for the week logging any needed tasks to be finished. Wherever there weren’t any sticky notes were old pictures of the family and memories in their upbringing or new polaroid pictures of Renjun and Mei. It was a nice reminder of the moments that were captured in the midst of the hard every days.

“Hey, uh, Renjun, I was wondering if I could go to homecoming?” Mei questioned, breaking the silence as Renjun revised the to-do lists while editing his own essay. He forgot to do so since the amount of requests to do their homework was unbelievable. The only downside of the homework service was that everyone requests last minute. “Renjun.”

“Sorry, I forgot to do my homework,” he snapped his head up, letting his sister know that she had his undivided attention. Mostly. “Uh, what did you ask?”

“I was just asking if I could go to homecoming, I’ll even work extra hours to pay for my dress. I’ll even pick up some of the homework in your requests,” Mei pleaded, not verbally but through her eyes. Renjun stared at her, wondering if she was serious. It wasn’t uncommon for freshmen to attend high school events, especially someone like his sister. Mei was and still is the type of person to enjoy the events that school offers. It was the perfect opportunity to spend time with her friends and escape the hours of working. That was what Renjun recalled during their late night talks as they pleated the dumplings for their lunches for the rest of the week.

“Renjun, stop spacing out,” Mei shook his shoulder, seeing if it would wake him up out of his trance.

“Uh, yeah yeah. You can help me with some of the homework and take over my shift for the next two days at the library, is that okay?” Renjun offered. He knew he would have felt bad if he said no. Knowing his sister, she would either give up on working and not get a new dress, or give up working and not going to homecoming all together.

Mei agreed, nodding her head profusely and quickly embracing her brother. Renjun stood there, reluctantly wrapping his arms around her. Mei rarely showed affection to him which is why he seemed so surprised at the actions. Nonetheless, he appreciated the love. God. Love. Love. Love. His essay. His eyes widened, releasing from the grasp of his sister, “Crap, I need to finish the last paragraph of my essay.”

The sound of the alarm ringing through the kitchen, notifying the Huang siblings that it was time for them to head to school. Renjun groaned, wanting to bang his head against the wall. He shoved the folder with the homeworks that he finished inside of his backpack while tossing Mei her lunch. He grabbed the pen that hung off of the wall, checking off the sticky note that was made a week before to remind him of the work to do. Renjun rechecked everything once more to be certain that he hadn’t skipped over anything. Assuring himself that he didn’t miss anything, he grabbed the keys of his dad’s car and made his way out the door. Before exiting the house, his dad seemed to be missing from his usual spot on the couch but knew he was home due to his shoes still at the door.

“Mei, is dad still home?” Renjun questioned as he sat on the floor to put his shoes on. Mei turned around to face her brother and nodded, “He’s taking a shower and already made his food.”

Renjun nodded, slinging his backpack over his shoulders to adjust the straps as he wore it, “Are you ready to go?”

“I’ve been ready, I don’t know about you,” Mei sarcastically retorted. Renjun scoffed, standing up and opening the door to allow his sister to go out first. As they walked outside to get to the car, Renjun playfully kicked her leg causing her to quickly turn around to punch him. He quickly ran to the car to escape her wrath.

“Alright, I’ll see you later. Don’t forget your shift at the library,” the male informed his sister as they both entered the school. Mei groaned but nodded, saying goodbye to her brother as she parted ways to join her friends. Now, Renjun was stuck to being a high class loner for the rest of the day. He never made any friends, well ones that didn’t last long. Though he was content with that. It was better than having ones that would backstab you or talk behind your back. For being a small town, Dalgleish didn’t have much to offer with people. So, people created their own drama. Luckily in all of the Huang siblings’ time in Dalgleish, they never had any mentions of being in drama. They only were the butt of the joke of their low-class dad, but Mei and Renjun never paid attention, so the joke died before it was even alive. That belonged to the top of the hierarchy in their school. But, Renjun could care less about them and rather focused on his studies and jobs.

“Here is yours and Chenle’s homework,” Renjun flipped through the countless essays in the folder, handing Lucas the needed homework.

“Ahh, thanks, let me send you the money now. I’m also paying for Chenle’s, just in case you wonder why there’s extra,” Lucas pulled his phone out to send the money through the Venmo app.

Feeling his phone buzz, Renjun took his phone out to check that the amount was correct. Confirming that it was right, well it was actually over. Chenle and Lucas were always kind enough to pay extra. They always said it was just for the hard work that he gives since they were his first customers and the growth of the services. “Thanks, Lucas.”

Lucas smiled before heading his way for his class. After he left, Renjun continued to make his way to all of the students that needed their work for the day. He scheduled different locations and times around the school to make sure that his contraband work wasn’t known to the faculty of the school. The only one who knew was their English and Physics teachers. Mrs. Lee and Dr. Jean.

Mrs. Lee immediately knew that the essays by the students in her class weren’t written that perfectly. The growth from one essay to another seemed to be developed overnight. Not trying to question her students, they were bright but most that had the perfect scored work weren’t the brightest. Knowing this, Mrs. Lee found out after give and take, she realized that the work was by Renjun. To let him know that she knew, she asked to conference with him after class. The only thing that Renjun grasped from the conversation is that she blatantly called her students stupid when it came to essays. Renjun agreed but defended them that they were smart in other areas and needed to strengthen their levels in the writing department.

And for Dr. Jean, he just didn’t care.

“So, who’d you write for this time? I just don’t wanna read the essays to waste my time to give them A’s,” Mrs. Lee sat in her chair, sipping on her cup of coffee as she watched Renjun pack his stuff up so he could attend his next class.

He dismissed his teacher’s comment, placing his essay on her desk, “I’ll give you a list later. Oh, I also need a recommendation from my favorite teacher.” He smiled, setting a blank recommendation letter for the college he’s applying to on her desk.

He watched her scan over the document, only for her face to scrunch up in disgust. He reflected her expression with his own face, confused as to why she looked repulsed, “What is it now?”

“I don’t know, you could have chosen a better school with your grades and get in,” she tossed the paper into her neat stack before grabbing the essays and shelving it.

Renjun shrugged, knowing that the reason is that he was afraid to leave his sister and dad. More so, his sister. He didn’t want to leave all of the responsibilities to his sister. To delve even farther, the responsibility of taking care of their father. He wasn’t sure if Mei was ready to do it. A lot of people may wonder why he even thinks of his father, but his dad was still family. Their dad may not be in the best state and not pulling his weight as the head of the family, but he still worked every so often. Their dad was lucky enough to be friends with the owner of his job, and the owner understood the hardships that he was going through. The consequence of his lack in effort fell on his children.

“I just think it would be better if you attend some other college, maybe, I don’t know,” Mrs. Lee retrieved another document on a clipboard, handing it to him.

He grabbed the clipboard, wondering what it was. An application to University of Oregon. He laughed, tearing his eyes away from it to look out the window. She’s still trying to do this. He gave the clipboard back, “I can’t go to this university. It’s not even that good.”

“It was good to me,” Mrs. Lee gave him a hall pass on a sticky note before waving him off to allow him to get to his next class.

“Well, I’m passing and staying in the best town in the world,” he waved as he walked out of the class.

Renjun pondered on the idea of leaving Dalgleish, but would it be the right decision. Everything he needed was right here. There could be a great job opportunity when he graduates from the community college. Well somewhere and that somewhere is not in Dalgleish. He was going to have to move out of the town one way or another if he wanted to pursue his dream of becoming a computer scientist. Maybe, he could find a way to come back to Dalgleish, opening a company would be beneficial. That was settled on a maybe. For now, all he needed to do was pass junior year and move onto senior year.

Making his way inside of the physics classroom, he showed the pass to Dr. Jean, only for it to be dismissed. He took his seat next to the window in the back. With the lack of care that his teacher had in the class, Renjun worked on the next requests of his services.

“Renjun, you’re working with Isabelle,” his teacher declared. Renjun picked up his head so fast, wondering as to why there’s suddenly a project. He was always informed beforehand in the beginning of the semester of what’s to come, but he came to realize Dr. Jean was the best teacher at coming up with random projects. Renjun just nodded, clearing his backpack from the chair next to him allowing Isabelle to sit it in.

Isabelle gave him a head bow, greeting him, “Hi. I’m Isabelle but you could just call me Hwayoung. You probably already knew that. I can’t believe Dr. Jean still calls me Isabelle, probably because he can’t pronounce half of our names.”

Renjun chuckled, shutting his computer off to place back in his backpack. He picked two of the copies of the paper before tossing the extra copies inside of the extra copy bucket that was behind him. He handed the paper to Hwayoung before reading the document. Seeing it was the project, his mouth contorted to a form of disappointment in finding the surprise assignment. The project didn’t even have anything to do with physics but basically getting to know your partner and put it in a PowerPoint. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh. He glanced in Hwayoung’s direction: Pretty. Pretty. Popular.

Choi Hwayoung. The ideal girl that anyone could ask for. She was nice and smart. She was one of the pretty girls of the school, and everyone knew that. Renjun liked her when he joined the Model UN team, and she was also on it. He thought that she was also smart when she stood her ground during the time of Model UN. He wished he could have stayed longer as he enjoyed it, but his sister wasn’t all that capable when he had to leave for a competition once. Despite thinking the basic reasons for him liking her, he liked how she smiled and her dimples just protruded. Her eyes were full of life when debating. How she spun her pen between her fingers when she was in focus. Renjun, tone your feelings down.

Now, he wasn’t sure if he still liked her due to the lack of attention he gave his own feelings.

“Oh right, my name is Renjun,” he whispered as Dr. Jean ranted on another go of the conspiracy theories of the Illuminati and Beyoncé . His teacher always made the time in class go by faster or slower depending on how dedicated he is to the conspiracy topic. Some were more interesting than others. He looked over to her writing, “I think you knew that already.”

“Yeah, I did. You were on the Model UN team but left, you were really good at what you did,” Hwayoung complimented him. He smiled, nodding as his way of accepting the praise.

The small talk ceased as the bell rang for dismissal, he collected his items and shoved them into his backpack. He slung his backpack over his shoulder, “I’ll do the project and turn it in when it’s finished.”

“But this is a two person project. I am not asking for your homework service to come in play here,” Hwayoung turned to look at him. “Maybe, we could just actually do it together. Unless you don’t want to because you’re uncomfortable to do that which then do the project by yourself, just text me if you need anything.”

With that, she smiled and left. Renjun watched her leave the classroom. That was a first. Typically any project with partners left Renjun to do the work all by himself, which he didn’t mind. Most complain that they had to do it by themselves, but he enjoyed the easy A without the others messing it up.

The final school bell rang, but Renjun was already in the car, waiting for his sister. He hummed to the music, tapping to the tunes of Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman album. His head turned to the door opening, and his sister joined him in the car already singing the song. Renjun turned down the volume, “Ready?”

She nodded while buckling up her seatbelt. Renjun placed the car in reverse, only for a student to be waving a paper trying to get his attention. He wasn’t paying attention, trying to get Mei to work on time was his priority.

As he continued to reverse the car, he still hadn’t noticed the student until Mei tugged on his jacket. He slammed on the breaks, finally seeing the student waving the paper around in the rear-view mirror. He almost ran over him. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to come to a compromise in his head that he almost committed homicide by accident, “What the hell?��

The male student walked around from the rear of the car before going around to the driver’s side. He knocked on Renjun’s window before Renjun rolled the window, “Why were you in my way?”

“You almost killed me. Shouldn’t you feel a little empathetic?” The student smiled with a teasing tone in his voice.

“If you have nothing important, I will be going now,” Renjun put the car in drive, starting to press on the acceleration pedal. He still wanted to know what the student wanted, but it was probably just another order for homework help. “If you want me to do your homework, find my number and text me.”

“I want you to help me write a love letter. I read your essay for Lucas, and it was really good,” the student requested, holding the note out. Renjun slammed on the brakes once again, but this time, Mei slapped her brother in the shoulder for the discomfort of their backs hitting the seats so harshly. He looked at her with an apologetic expression before his gaze turned back to the student.

The student held the note at the window, which Renjun started to read.

Dear Choi Hwayoung.

The first three words were enough for Renjun to decide if he was going to help this fool or not. He shoved the letter back into the hands of the requester, “Nope, I’m not writing a love letter to Hwayo- to her.”

“Oh, to who?” Mei pitched in. Love always made people curious, well more nosy. Then, the ideas of who ends up with who just turned into a big mess. Renjun certainly didn’t want to help someone out that wanted to create a love letter. Plus if he was the recipient of a love letter, he hoped it wasn’t made by someone that didn’t have feelings for the person. Or in Renjun’s case, written by the person’s personal feelings. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be genuine. Artificial. Unauthentic. Fake. Love isn’t supposed to be any of those things if a person wants to make it work.

“No one, Mei.” Renjun answered before he turned back to the student, “Have a good day.” He rolled the windows back up and continued to drive away to his priority. He looked in the mirror once more to find the student sulking with his head down. He chuckled. That’s so pathetic.

“Hey, you could have totally picked that request up. That was Lee Jeno,” Mei tapped away on her phone as she informed him of who the student was. Renjun scoffed, but he also was unsure why the name of the student is relevant. Customers are customers. There’s no needed relationship as it’s based on monetary and satisfaction of getting work done. Mei looked at her brother who stayed silent, and she was sure that he had no clue who Jeno was. She raised her eyebrow, “Do you not know who Lee Jeno is?”

“Do I care? Mm.. Not really,” he didn’t really care about who Jeno was. He rarely cared about any of the people in the school, as they weren’t his business. He wanted to stay out of anyone’s mouths as much as possible. Renjun thought of who Jeno was because he did sound familiar. They lived in a small town, so everyone knew most of each other. Dalgleish compromised mostly of East Asians, but nonetheless it still had a good variety of other ethnicities. It shouldn’t be hard to think of who Jeno was. Ah, he’s the boy who used to live four houses down when they were younger before the downfall of the Huangs came about. Jeno would try to invite them to play often with the other kids in the neighborhood, but Renjun was shy at the time, and Mei wasn’t the one who enjoyed company. Though that did start to change as they grew older. Renjun wasn’t shy, just liked to keep to himself to stay out of trouble, and Mei enjoys the energy with people.

“Jeno is the star student of the school, more like the perfect Asian kid. He plays the violin, ping-pong captain, forward for soccer, and is part of A Honor Roll,” Mei listed all of the things that Jeno specialized in. Renjun listened but wasn’t in awe of the achievements that Jeno had. Most of the kids in the school participated in those activities, differing in sports and academics. Everyone had their own skill set to show off, which made Jeno not any different from the student body.

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” Renjun questioned, stopping at the red light. He wasn’t sure what his sister was making in her brain. She was most likely going to lose track of where she was heading to prove a point.

“Plus, he banks and his parents have this IT company in California. So if you help him, he could probably get you to return in favor by getting you an internship,” Mei added onto her tracks. She sure did make a point. That was a first. Renjun surely could land a job if he gets an internship, but he didn’t want to use someone like that. He wanted to do it on his own.

“Yeah, no. I refuse to do that,” Renjun pressed his foot down on the gas pedal, accelerating the car as the light switched to green.

“How come? It’s a good opportunity, I’m just saying,” Mei said as she shuffled around in her seat, adjusting her jacket.

“Well, I don’t want to use someone like that. I want to get there on my own, no matter how hard it is. I have a plan to get there,” Renjun answered. He arranged his future’s timeline, coming up with the desired plan. He thought of Plan B, just in case the first one didn’t work. Then, he had his safety plans just in case nothing of his wants couldn’t come to reality.

Mei answered with a hum. Renjun was glad that she didn’t continue the conversation. He parked next to the curb in front of the library and turned off the engine. He decided to study at the library. He didn’t have much to do today other than making dinner and finishing the rest of the requests that he didn’t assign to his sister. Plus, the library offered free food and beverages to their workers. And, who doesn’t like free food?

“Your shift ends at 7, which is perfect. I’ll be in my usual section, working and studying if you need anything,” Renjun said as he left his sister as they entered the downtown library. He walked towards the Japanese literature section, quietly greeting some of the regular goers that he recognized. Living in Dalgleish, he picked up quite a few languages. He was surrounded by multiple ethnicities who differed in languages and to benefit the elderly who weren’t comfortable using English, he thought it would be nice to learn their native language. Plus, there were foreigners who came frequently to visit the town. It was like a tourist attraction, sometimes. Even if there wasn’t anything to see in the town.

Renjun was only fluent in Mandarin Chinese and Korean, but he was conversational in other languages like Cantonese and Japanese. He tried to make the effort, plus his world geography class had an extra credit opportunity to explore languages. Despite not seeming to be a people person at school, Renjun was able to converse easily with others when he was out and about. He often got teased by his sister for it because he always said he was not a people person.

He placed his belongings on the ground, unpacking his laptop, and plugging the charger in the outlet to refuel the laptop’s battery. Putting his earphones in to enjoy his music, he bopped his head a little to the beats. Renjun checked his list if he had any new requests. He wanted to know if Jeno asked for one with his love letter. That’s so stupid. Love letters are supposed to be personal. He’s such a dumbass.

“Hey.” came out of nowhere. Renjun jerked in his chair a little, even if he had earphones, he didn’t blast it just in case someone asked him about anything in the library. He still was a worker there, even if he wasn’t working. He thrived off of a busy schedule. He didn’t thrive off on being startled.

He whipped his head to the person who peeked over his shoulder, almost throwing his hands around if it wasn’t in a public place or at least a library. He saw the same boy from earlier, only this time in neater clothes. Jeno was wearing his athletic warm-ups when he was at the school. Renjun just blinked his eyes before shaking his head and getting back to his laptop, “You’re in a library, look through some books for inspiration for your love letter. Good luck to you and bye.”

“Oh come on, I’m not the best at words and expressing my feelings. Can you just at least read it and revise?” Jeno asked, moving a chair from another table to sit with Renjun. The ping-pong star received hushes from those around him, causing both Renjun and Jeno to have apologetic looks to them.

Renjun shook his head, “No. No way.”

“I’ll pay you extra from what your highest price is. I’ll pay you even more for authenticity,” Jeno pulled his phone out. Renjun peeked over at Jeno’s screen to see his website page with the costs of the homework papers. He thought about the extra costs. He possibly could buy his sister’s dress for homecoming, so she could keep her money from work and spend it on makeup and other necessities to get ready for school events. It was a good idea, but Renjun wasn’t the best at even expressing feelings and whatnot.

“I’ll give you $100 for this one letter,” Jeno offered.

“Alright, sold.”

[hallidaysfm]

hllo  all  ,  it  me  ur  second  fav  admin  sage  comin  2  u  live  from  the  gutters  in  the  est  tz  .  i  got  a  sneak  peak  at  all  ur  characters  &  i  am  v  v  excited  to write with all of u  !!  i’m  lit  rally  the  worst  at  intros  so  i’m  just  gonna  dive  right  into  my  chaotic  boy,  kieran  !    a  rich  boi  freshly  kicked  out  of  yale,  doesn’t  rock  the  boat  shoes  or  the  chinos  or  rly  look  the  part  but…  his  daddy,  will  in  fact  sue  you  :/  

[    matthew  noszka    .    22    .    cismale    .    he/him    ]  just  saw  KIERAN  HALLIDAY  dragging  their  suitcase  up  the  steps  of  QUINBY    .    good  luck  living  with  HIM    ,    word  around  campus  is  that  they’re  VOLATILE    ,    RECKLESS    ,    SOCIAL  &    SELF  DRIVEN    .    makes  sense  they  chose  that  house  now    ,    doesn’t  it    ?    let’s  hope  this  new  living  situation  doesn’t  affect  their  JUNIOR  year  of  ZOOLOGY      [    sage    .    23    .    she/her    .    est    ]

+  walking  a  thin  line  of  barbed  wire,  wicked  smirks  and  smashed  bottles  of  jack,  being  shirtless  under  leather  jackets  &  doing  class  presentations  with  a  black  eye  and  a  hangover.

pinterest  can  be  found  here

background:

his  full ��name  is  kieran  jaxon  halliday  his  mom  and  dad  were  two  wildlife  biologists  who  met  while  working  in  south  africa  and  fell  in  love  while  tending  to  a  baby  lion  cub  that  had  gotten  a  nasty  bite  from  a  snake.

they  named  the  cub  jax  and  that’s  where  kieran  had  gotten  his  middle  name

his  parents  made  a  decent  living  with  their  careers  but  his  dad’s  side  of  the  family  -  the  halliday’s,  were  made  of  money  and  gold  baby!!

the  halliday’s  are  a  pretty  prominent  family.  they  own  a  law  firm  that’s  been  running  since  the  1950′s  and  is  dedicated  to  famous  politicians  and  celebrities

his  grandfather  expected  kieran’s  dad  to  take  over  the  firm  after  him  so  you  can  imagine  the  shock  when  his  son  had  chosen  zoology  as  a  major.

kieran  was  born  in  south  africa  -  and  lived  there  until  he  was  13

really  loved  everything  about  it  especially  the  wild  life,  the  nature  and  the  freedom.  when  they  would  visit  the  states  to  see  his  mom  and  dad’s  family  he  thought  it  was  too  congested  and  tamed  and  mundane

his  dad  picked  them  up  and  moved  them  back  to  the  states  when  he  found  out  that  kieran’s  mom  had  been  diagnosed  with  breast  cancer

it  was  like  a  domino  effect    -  first  the  breast  cancer  where  the  doctors  were  hopeful  that  with  enough  treatment  she’d  be  in  partial  remission  in  no  time-  that  was  until  it  started  to  spread  and  within  two  years  the  two  halliday’s  had  lost  the  most  important  woman  in  their  lives

while  it  impacted  both  of  them  -  it  seemed  that  it  really  hit  his  father  in  a  different  way.  he  basically  turned  his  back  on  kieran  and  turned  really  cold  and  decided  to  take  over  the  law  firm  and  threw  himself  into  work

this  changed  kieran  in  the  sense  that  he  had  to  adapt  to  living  in  the  states  seeking  out  different  thrills  to  make  him  feel,  to  make  him  numb,  to  make  his  world  exciting  again,  to  forget  and  to  piss  off  his  dad

he  instantly  became  a  trouble  maker  -  got  kicked  out  of  various  private  schools,  was  caught  drinking  in  school,  took  his  dad’s  cars  out  for  joy  rides,  has  had  various  dui’s  and  has  been  caught  high  as  balls  by  the  police  multiple  times  but  this  never  breaks  out  to  the  public  -  his  dad  sweeps  in  and  the  charges,  the  potential  scandals,  everything  all  vanish  overnight.

yale  was  his  top  choice  for  school  and  while  his  family’s  name  obviously  got  his  foot  in  the  door  and  he  coasted  through  his  classes  -  his  grades  were  above  average  and  honestly  if  he  truly  applied  himself  he  would  be  deadly

he  started  an  underground  fight  club  at  yale  during  his  freshman  year  which  he  made  quite  a  profit  off  of,  and  also  he’s  just  really  into  fighting  in  general  so  it  gave  him  a  place  to  do  it  without  having  to  pick  fights  with  random  frat  boys.

known  around  yale  as  the  american  god  for  the  kind  of  power  he  holds,  his  looks,  and  the  way  he  carries  himself.

his  mom  was  born  and  raised  in  monterey  before  moving  to  south  africa

while  they  spent  a  good  chunk  of  time  in  monterey  when  they  moved  back  to  the  states,  after  his  mom  died,  kieran  and  his  dad  moved  full  time  to  new  york  city  where  his  dad  took  over  the  halliday  law  firm.

their  monterey  home  is  right  by  the  water  with  their  own  private  beach  area.  basically  before  his  dad  moved  them  back,  he  had  his  mom’s  dream  home  built  for  her.  now,  his  dad  hardly  ever  comes  back  but  kieran’s  lowkey  a  sentimental  bastard  and  splits  him  time  during  the  summers  in  monterey  and  the  hamptons

end  of  sophomore  year  he  messed  with  the  wrong  guys  and  got  kicked  out,  they  ended  up  ratting  out  his  underground  fight  club  lmao  and  after  being  threatened  a  bunch  of  other  students  came  forward  and  confirmed  it.  so  that  mixed  with  all  the  other  shit  he’s  pulled  and  a  couple  other  lies  about  him  –  he  got  booted  out

his  dad  is  actually  so  pissed  at  him  and  embarrassed  bc  their  name  and  money  couldn’t  even  stop  that  shit  from  being  made  public  ?

like  halliday  son  kicked  out  of  yale  for  starting  underground  fight  club?  an  iconic  page 5 headline  but  unwanted  by  his  dad  100%

he’s  been  threatened  with  his  trust  fund,  he’s  been  blacklisted  from  all  other  ivy  leagues

the  only  reason  he  got  into  halston  is  because  his  mom  went  here  and  was  ..  v  well  loved.  catch  her  picture  hanging  over  in  the  zoology  building

his  uncle  (  his  mom’s  brother  )  is  also  on  the  board  of  admissions  so  once  again,  his  name  got  him  through  the  door!

personality:

very  into  anything  that’s  going  to  endanger  his  very  existence  -  picks  fights,  drinks  until  he  passes  out,  street  races,  jumps  off  cliffs  u  name  it..  kieran  has  done  it.  it’s  almost  a  miracle  the  boy  is  still  alive.  just  recklessly  lives  on  the  edge  and  will  willingly  take  the  fall

v  straight  forward  and  vulgar

will  fuck  you  over  with  a  polite  smile  on  his  face

his  favorite  animals  are  lions  :’)

usually  has  a  bruise  under  his  eye  but  the  wicked  grin  he  sports  probably  distracts  away  from  it  plus  he’s  a  pretty  boy

sports  a  leather  jacket  like  its  his  second  skin!!

is  down  for  anything  and  is  loyal  af  if  he  considers  you  a  friend

any  excuse  to  fight  -  he  will  fight  lmao

used  to  throw  the  biggest  and  wildest  parties  at  his  place.  will  trash  his  house  solely  to  piss  his  dad  off.  a  gatsby  man  of  sorts  where  people  just  showed  up  at  his  house.

not  humble  in  any  sense,  flirts  a  lot,  manipulates  occasionally  and  is  all  around  just  here  for  a  good  time,  not  a  long  time

[vandergeld]

                  hey  everyone welcome BACK to my blog  ,  hi  , how  are  ya ?   i’m   RUZZY   (  or  ru  ,  rudy  idk  if thats too  much  lmAO  )  &  i  have  not  been  apart  of  a  group  in  84  years ............  that  graphic  is  so  extra  but  i  was  bored  &  first  impressions  are  everything  ,  ANYWHO  this  is  my  mans WARNER  played  by  my  mans  GRAYSON DOLAN  ,  who  lacks  f’n  resources  so  i  gotta  work  some  magic  w/  all  these  gifs  on  tumblr  lmao  so  any  gif  icons  are  noT  mine  for  the  most  part  they’ll  be  taken  from  gifs  alr  created  (  s/o  2  the  fly  hunnies  that  made  ‘em  )  anyway  ya’ll  don’t  really  care  abt  me  lmao  soooooo here’s warner ! PLS  feel  free  to  hmu ANYTIME  for  the  plots  &  things  of  that  nature  u  could  lit  never  bother  me  idc ,  my  discord  is  𝐫𝐮𝐳𝐳𝐲𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐳𝐢#1643 if  u  everrr need  to  get  ahold  of  me  when  im  not  on  tumblr  !

         𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍, cismale, he/his. → look out, there’s 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐃. you know, the 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘  year old 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 of 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐀 𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐀𝐃𝐀 𝐌𝐔. you know, i overheard someone say that they were 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄, 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 , 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆  and 𝐃𝐄𝐕𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐃. but that’s just rumours. fresh new pairs of air jordan 1's, the roar of a crowd in a stadium, and lost weekends come to mind when i think of them. what about you? [ ruzzy, he/him, 18, est ]

TW : CANCER MENTION  ,  SMOKING  MENTION  .

//   »    GENERAL      :

FULL NAME   :   warner     evangelino   alexander       vandergeld       (   inspired by the antagonists of white chicks lmaooo   )     .

HOMETOWN  : new  york  city  ,  new york  .

NICKNAMES   :   dumbass   .

AGE   :   twenty  .

BIRTHDAY   :   october twenty-first   .

ZODIAC   :   libra   .

GENDER   :   male   .

PRONOUNS   :   he      &      him   .

NATIONALITY   :   american   .

ETHNICITY   :   german  ,   italian  ,  irish   .

LABEL(S)   :   the   golden boy   ,   the   lothario   ,   the   jock   .

TROPE(S)  :  chick magnet  ,  hormone-addled teenager  ,  unwitting pawn  , upper class twit  ,

OCCUPATION   :  college student  &  collegiate football player  & full time frat bro  .

FRAT : beta lambada mu  .

MAJOR   :   environmental science  .

POS  : charming  ,  charismatic  ,  brave  ,  athetic ,  dedicated  ,   eco-friendly  ,  high-moral compass  ,  book smart  ,  kind  ,  energetic  ,  optimistic  , loyal (  most of the time  ) ,  respectful  ,   well-rounded  ,  level-headed  , ambitious  ,  debonair  ,  life of the paty  .

NEG   :  compulsive  ,  easily-influenced  ,  dimwitted  , hypersexualized  ,  problematic  ,  addictive  , rebellious  ,  bemused  ,  defensive  ,  clingy  ,  hopeless-romatic  ,  overly-competitive  ,  envious .

INSP  : nate archibald  (  gossip girl  )  

//   »    PAST  ��   :

          warner   was  born  &  raised  in  the  city  that  never sleeps  and    is  the  product  of  evangeline   moretti-vandergeld  , an   intelligent   american-italian  socialite  turned   environmental   politician  ,   and  captain  william   vandergeld  ,  a  former   navy   captain  ,   and  now   a   shareholder   in   some   boring   fortune   500   company   that   allowed   his   wife   and   son   to   live   an   affluent  ,   and   privileged   life  . his   mother  however  ,   was   the   real deal  ,   often   using   their   sum   of   wealth   to   donate   to   multiple   charities  ,  organizations  , etc, she was  dedicated  to  keeping  new  york  city  (  and  all  who  lived there  )  clean  and  safe   , and  she instilled  those  same  values  onto  her  son.

          some people are born lucky  ,  and others  ,  lucky  to  be  born  .   warner  was  the  first  option  .  his childhood  was  nothing  short  of  happiness  ,  and  happiest  days  were  with  his  mother  ,  for  as  long  as he  could  remember  ,  any happy  moment  in  his childhood  was  faded  right  into  her.

          things  took  a  drastic  change  his freshman  year  of  (  private  obvy lmao  )  high-school   .   warner’s  mother  was  diagnosed  with  breast  cancer  ,  and  little  to  his  knowledge  ,  it wasn’t  looking  pretty  from  the  start  .  she was  frequently  in  and  out  of the hospital  for  a  few  months  at  a  time  and  it  was  not  looking  good  on  any  fronts  .  one  day  when  she  went  to  the  hospital  it seemed  like  she  never  left  ,  maybe  she  didn’t  ,  those  days  were  a blur  for  warner  to  be  honest  .  watching  his  mother  lose  life  , every  single  day  was  not  a task  he  was  up  for  .

          by  then  it  was  just  warner  and  his  father  ,  they  were  all  they  had  in  the big  city  . (  when  he  wasn’t  always  away  on business  )  warner  grew  up  in   that  big  luxy  town  house  all  by  himself  ,  with  the  company  of  loyal  maids  ,  chefs  ,   and  nannies  of course  .  but  in  high  school  , the  more  he  really submerged  himself  into  it  ,  it  was  a  crazy  world  &  he  loved  it  .  whilst  getting  demands  from  his  father  in  tokyo  to  attend  those  boring  sailing  classes  ,  warner  instead  headed  out  to  their  beach  house  in  the  hamptons  for  an  early  20  rager  .

       warner  undoubtedly knew  the  power  he  possessed  ,   big  man  on  campus  type  &  it felt  good  , until  about towards  the  end  of his  junior  year  he  was  honestly  all   partied   out  ,  but  of  course reputation  is   everything  ,  in  order  to  keep  up  thats  when  he  picked  up  the   real  ugly  habits  ,  that  were  of  course  fun  .  smoking  numerous  amounts  of  marijuana  ,  various  girls  in  -  and  -  out  every other  day  was  a  feeling  like  no  other  ,   he  knew  it  was  wrong  ,  he  knew  his  mom  would  be  ashamed  ,  him  doing  all these  things  and  not carrying  on  her  legacy  in  some  way .  but  he  couldn’t  help  himself  in a  all  honesty   ,   and   no  doubt  some  of  that  transitioned  over  in  college .

//   »    AES   :

          lost weekends partying  ,  chicken  wings  &  french  fries  ,  air  jordan  1′s  ,  gucci  guilty  cologne  ,  friday  night  lights  ,  clouds  of  smoke  &  red  eyes  ,  diamond  encrusted  jewelry  glistening  under  bright  lights  in  a  dark  room  ,  nike  sweatsuits  ,  game  winning  moves  ,  new  york  city  at  night  ,  hamptons  in  the  summer  ,  spring  break  in  miami  ,  impulsive decisions  .

//   »    TL;DR   :

(  and  some  stuff  i  probably  missed  oops  )  warner  is  a  conflicted  mama’s   boy  who  knows  half  the  shit  he does  is  wrong  but  can’t  stop  .  after  his  mothers passing  he had  an absent father  who seemed  to  always  be  away  on  business  ,  only  in  town  for  a  month  or  two  ,  missing  his sons’ multiple  feats   to  keep  himself  distracted  from  the  fact  that  his  wife  was  no  longer  with  them. created  immense daddy  issues  for  warner  ,  especially  since  he  was  a  standout  football  star  &  2x   stage  champ in  high  school  ,  and is  currently  playing  collegiality  for  the  irish ,  with  dreams  of  making  it  in  the  nfl  cause  screw  his  dad  he  don’t  wanna  go   2  the  navy   ,   or  work  for  dat  company # not  gonna  happen .  warner  took  great  advantage  of  wealth  &  his  fathers  absence  ,  but  he’s  lowkey  partied  out  in  college  ,  or  so  he likes  to  say  but  he fakes  it ‘till  he  makes  it bc  he  doesn’t  his  brothers  to think  he’s  lame . HE’S  LIVING  FOR  EVERYBODY  BUT  HIM  BASICALLY .

//   »    HEADCANONS    :

warner  is  on  a  football  scholarship  majoring  in  environmental  science  bc  although  he  most  likely  won’t  do  shit  w/  da  degree its  for  mommy  .

he can EASILY  be  manipulated  or  taken  advantage  of  ,  he’s  book  smart  but lowkey  dumber  than  a  fucking  box  of  rocks 

immastonerbyyoungthug.mp3  .  occasionally ,  but  ,  more  so  than  that  ?  he  always  manages  to  flush  out  his  system  in  time  if  needed  be  ,  but  he  loves  2  roll  up  #  stress relief 

a  BEAST  on  that  field  (  student  athlete  meme  here  )

has  all  the  canon  gray  tattoos  bc  fuck  what  dad  thinks  .  he  wears  a solid  16 inch gold  chain  ,  and  another  of  the same  length with  his  moms’  name  on  it  , never  fucking  takes  it  off  ,  showers  with  it  cause  he  can  .

ok  ........  he  rich  ,  but  like  not  i  can  do  whatever  i  want  rich  ???  he  may  not  ever  have  to  work  a  day  in  his   life  ,  but  he  don’t  got  the pull  u  think  he  does  w/  his  dumb  ass  u  probably  couldn’t  even  tell  he’s  got  money  with  his  minimalist  fashion  sense  .

he  has  a  higher  moral  compass  than  most  of  his  frat  bros  ,  but  the  stupid  shit  he does  ,  u most  likely  won’t  even  be  able  to tell  ,  he’s  definitely  a  serial  romeo  and  a  heartbreaker  ,  one  compliment  ?  he’s  ready  to  drop  his  pants  &  fall  in  love  w/   u  .

HE DUMB  ,  but  like  he  can  talk  his  way  into  &  out  of  anything  ,  most  of  the  time  ,  batting  those  big  brown  eyes  &  a  million  dollar  smile  has  saved  his  ass  on  multiple  occasions  .

//   »    WANTED CONNECTIONS   :

EX-GIRLFRIEND :  i’m  thinking  his  first  &  only  “  serious  “  relationship  while  in  college  .  were  going  pretty  steady  until  he  cheated  on  her  (  hmm wc  on  who  he  cheated  on  her w/ ??  ) ,  she  never  found  out  but  that  guilt  ate warner TF UP  so  he  cut  things  off  with  her  via  text  message  and blocked  her  number  ,  ignores  her  any  chance  he  gets  ‘till  this  day  ,  cause  he  doesn’t  have  any  balls  and  cannot  face  his  fears  .

FRAT BROS  : lowkey  what  i’m  MOST  excited  for  asdfgh  like  whoever  is  in  beta  lambada mu  hit  me  the  fuck UP so  we  can  discuss  dynamics  ,  roomates  ,  allat  .

FOOTBALL TEAM  : same  for  above  ,  he’s  lowkey  cocky  &  got  sly  comments  when  he’s  on  the  field  ,  he constantly  humbles  himself  but  can’t  helps  it  ,  he is  hot  shit  and  he  knows  it  , how does  his  team  feel  ab  that  ??  w/  his  defensive  ass  !

GOOD-LUCK CHARM  :  prolly  a  girl  (  bonus  points  if  a  cheerleader  ???  im  not  picky  tho  i promise  if  ur  muse  don’t  shake  poms  idc  )  it  happened  out  the  blue  ,  they  screamed  his  name  while  the  team  was  walking  out  for  a  game  ,  and  she  called  that  he’d  get  3  td’s  and  thats  exactly  what  he  did  now  they  joke  ab  it  and  shit  (  maybe  a  goodluck  kiss b4  games  bc  its  warner lolol  ) idk  i  came  up  wit  it  on the  spot but  i love  it.

//   »    MISC   :

i’m a dumbass  &  this  got  way  longer  than  i  expected  but  if  u  made  it   all  the  way  thru  ily . 

[prorevenge]

Creepy, Evil Wrestling Coach Gets What's Coming To Him

Disclaimer: This is a story that happened to me in high school over 5 years ago and I was encouraged to share it. This is a really long one, but you'll love how it ends. I promise.

TL;DR added to the bottom.

Background: My parents separated early in my childhood (around 5-6 y/o), but both remained very cordial and friendly with each other. They agreed that both parents should be involved so they shared custody of my younger brother and I. Shortly after separating, they both started seeing other people and they have been a part of my life ever since. They are, in essence, my step parents without the official title. There is no animosity between my parents and stepparents whatsoever. Now, my mom does not wear make-up, but she looks really young. Like, she has been confused on MANY occasions to be my sister. I don't know if its her genes or she found the fountain of youth, but she is very attractive. This is all important as you'll see.

Story:

So in middle school, I joined the intramural wrestling team because I was bullied a lot and needed a place to let off some steam. I was a sensitive teenager and going to wrestling practice was my form of therapy. I even joined an outside wrestling club a few towns away I'll call "WC". While there, I had many coaches including the main coach of the story I'll call Coach Mitch. Mitch was a total douche bag; one of those jocks who brags about how drunk he got, how many girls he banged, and how many illegal things he did. He would walk into WC with this black leather jacket, a backwards cap, and sunglasses and talk up a storm about his nightly conquests. Wrestling was his life and his job at WC was the most important thing to him. On the mat, he was a rough and strict coach who prided himself on his insane cardio training program. If you did anything not to his standards, you would get a stare full of anger and hate we called the "Mitch Glare" and sent to run gassers. I went to every single one of those practices and he remembered my face.

I joined high school and the high school wrestling team as a freshmen, but ultimately didn't wrestle much due to a concussion and other injuries. After the wrestling season ended, the head coach announced he was leaving the team to help his wife diagnosed with breast cancer and there would be a new head coach next year. Sophomore year rolls around and there was an announcement for students to meet the new wrestling head coach after school. So I go with a bunch old teammates and new recruits and in walks Mitch with a leather jacket and a stride full of swagger. My heart sank. After the meeting, Mitch pulled me aside and told me he expected great things from me after wrestling in his WC program.

The first year under Mitch was hell and difficult to adjust to, but I managed. I made varsity for the first time, but I wasn't skilled enough to win many of my matches which Mitch did not let me live down. Every opportunity he got after a loss to make his frustration known, he seized. I would often look to the sidelines to see him giving me the Mitch Glare. I was disappointed with my season and desperately wanted to improve.

I went back to WC that summer with a renewed sense of purpose. I went to every single practice that spring and summer including Mitch's session and the improvements were noticeable to everyone. Everyone except Mitch. After one practice in the summer, Coach Mitch told me that he wanted me and another wrestler to come 30 minutes ahead of practices to practice take-downs. I agreed I would, eager to hopefully get on his good side. I should have said no.

One day over the summer, my mom drove me to WC and we arrived before Mitch so the doors were locked. Since it was a hot, sunny day, my mom stayed until Mitch came. We were chatting when around the corner came Mitch's black Cadillac and parked right next to us. I thanked my mom for the ride and got out of the car to greet Mitch. As I walk a few feet away, my mom rolls down the passenger window and yells to me that I forgot my water bottle. I go back and reach through the window to grab my water bottle and turn around to get a face full of Mitch. I was about to say something, but Mitch, in one fluid motion, shoved me aside with his left arm, pull his right hand on the roof above the passenger window, and reached his head inside the passenger window. To my horror, he begins to flirt with my mom right in front of me! At first, Mitch thought that she was my older sister, but then he realized she was my mom which made him VERY interested. I managed to extract him from the window and we went inside. Once inside, he refused to do anything except talk about my mom. It was very unsettling to hear a 30 y/o man talk about getting with your mom. When I told him that she was with my stepdad, he scoffed and said for now.

The rest of the summer and into my junior year was constant torment from Mitch about my mom. It was not long until Mitch brought up to all the wrestlers and my teammates how hot my mom was, how he was going to rock her world and bed, and how he was going to replace my stepdad and I would call him dad. My teammates laughed and joined in on the tormenting. They even replaced the words of that classic song "Stacey's Mom" to my mom. Every single bus ride to a meet or tournament, Mitch would blast that song. Every. Single. One. Teammates and Mitch would send texts in the group chat about my mom and videos of them singing to that damn song. Mitch would often look up into the stands for my mom (who was a regular at my meets) and would tell me while I'm warming up that she'll be coming home with him afterwards. While this was all going on, I felt embarrassed and powerless, but also angry. I kept my head down and pretended like it didn't affect me despite the fact it did. I thought if I pretended like it didn't affect me, then he would lose interest and stop. But it never stopped.

My junior season was incredible from a wrestling standpoint; I won numerous tournaments including sectionals and went to states where I lost the round prior to placing. Sectionals and states are the equivalent to the playoffs in football/baseball/etc. I vowed to return next year and place at states. Senior year came, and I was winning tournaments and matches again. And while Mitch never got on me for my wrestling, the tormenting of my mom continued despite the fact at this point he had a girlfriend. Many times after walking off the mat, Mitch would come up to me and tell me that it was a good thing I won because he didn't want his stepson to be a loser. This made me rage on the inside, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of a response. But there is only so much that I could take and there was gonna be a day that I finally snap.

It was the weekend before sectionals and we were at the league tournament where I was about to face my arch rival from a few towns away in the finals. I was pumped because we had faced each other in the finals of last year's league tournament and I won. I was warming up off to the side with my mom, stepdad, and dad all sitting together in the stands. I was on deck when Mitch strolled over to me and told me that I better beat this punk or I wouldn't have a bed when he and my mom got married. I pretended to not hear him, but that made my blood boil.

I ended up losing the match and was really upset with myself as I ran off the mat to retrieve my clothes. And seeing the opportunity to kick me while I'm down, Mitch barrels towards me, gets chest-to-chest with me, and starts yelling in my face in front of the whole gym although not loud enough for everyone to hear. He was telling me that I should be embarrassed, that I would never amount to anything, and that he doesn't know if he could marry my mom anymore because he would be associated with a loser. I LOST IT! I shoved Mitch away, told him to fuck off, and stormed out of the gym into the parking lot through the back doors. I was so angry and frustrated that I was seeing red. My parents saw what happened (but could not hear it) and my dad ran after me. He caught me in the parking lot, shaking from anger and helplessness. I wouldn't talk to him and told him him to leave me alone. As he turned to leave, Mitch entered the parking lot (Mitch Glare in full affect) and told me that I was suspended indefinitely from the wrestling team. I didn't say anything to him as he walked away. I turned to my dad and told him we needed to talk tonight and to grab my mom and stepdad. It was time to to get my revenge on the man who tortured me for years.

I return inside to collect my medal and to take a few forced pictures on the podium. I did not return to the team bus and instead had my mom and stepdad drive me home. I spilled EVERYTHING during that car ride home. Their collective reaction was of horror, rage, and disgust. My stepdad, who is a avid health nut and gym rat as well as a former wrestler, wanted to introduce Mitch to his fists; but we convinced him that was not the way to settle this. They vowed to not let this go unpunished and together we hatched a plan. We were gonna take everything from him.

That Monday came and my mom, dad, and I called a meeting with the vice principal, the principal, the athletic director, and the superintendent. I recounted the entire saga all the way back to WC and showed them the texts and videos from the group chat. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my dad, who always videotaped my matches so I could review them later, caught the exchange between Mitch and me but without the audio. The men stared in horror as I shared everything, like wide-eyed fish gasping for air. Then, my mom turns to the men and tells them that she has been in contact with a lawyer and that they are plan on suing under Title IX against the district for sexual harassment unless something was done immediately. I did not know if we actually could sue and if this was a bluff, but the effect was instantaneous. I have never seen a group of four men flinch in unison together and stumble over one another to assure us that they would take action immediately. Mitch was fired that day.

But we did not stop there.

Mitch was so enchanted by my mom, right? So much so he sent text messages and videos to proclaim how much he wanted to be with my mom. Well, I found Mitch's girlfriend on Facebook and sent her over all those messages/videos and told her how he had tortured me for close to two years. SHE WAS LIVID! I wish I could have been there for the fight that ensued, but she dumped his ass and her relationship status turned to single.

But we did not stop there.

My mom and I then returned to WC later that spring and talked to the manager and other coaches about Mitch's behavior towards me while a member of WC. At first they didn't fully believe the story, but after showing them the messages and videos as well as having some legal persuasion from my mom, they quickly backpedaled and assured us that there was no place for that behavior at WC. We stood at the counter with the manager as Mitch walked through the door. The look of horror that crossed Mitch's face was absolutely priceless. While we could not be present for the dismissal in the office, we watched as Mitch reappeared from the office and left WC with his stupid Mitch Glare on his face. My mom and I high-fived in the car and laughed the entire way home.

To finish the season, my suspension was revoked and the assistant coach was promoted to interim head coach. I ended up placing fourth at states that year and it was the proudest moment of my life. I had dealt with so much drama that I felt all of it was finally worth it and I had accomplished my ultimate goal. We had won the battle against Mitch, I placed at states, and I was going to a great college to wrestle with a nice scholarship.

But it does not end there!

That summer going into my first year at college, I dislocated my arm at the shoulder and tore my labrum which required surgery. The morning of the surgery came and my mom was driving me to the hospital when we came across a brown and grey pick-up truck broken down in the right shoulder. My mom slows down because it a one lane road with on-coming traffic on the left. As we pull alongside the truck, from the front of the truck around the driver side stepped Mitch in a yellow safety-vest and tan cargo shorts. Time seemed to slow as we made eye contact and his face twisted into that Mitch Glare. Gone was his nice black Cadillac and nice clothes and replaced with a broken pick-up truck and construction attire. As we drove by, my mom and I looked at each other, asked if we both saw him, and then laughed ourselves all the way to the hospital. Karma is great!

To this day, I still cannot listen to Stacey's Mom.

​

TL;DR - Sadistic wrestling coach harasses me for years including making sexual comments about my mom. I take away his head coaching position, his job, and his girlfriend.

(source) story by (/u/Large_Fail)

[woodedcove]

How do I hear Him 2:  Phone Home

I was fortunate enough to grow up not only living near my grandparents but also having grandparents that were kind, loving, and intelligent people. During the summer months, I would often spend a few days with my grandparents. My grandmother (whom we always called Nana) taught me a little about watercolors and painting, helped me learn how to identify flowers and other plants, and read articles and stories to me. My Grandfather, (whom we always called Gaga) would play checkers and catch butterflies with me, teach me Morse Code and we would go on walks together.

Gaga taught me that a person can learn no matter how old they are. Nana taught me that a person can learn from anyone no matter how young they are. Case in point, one day Nana was reading an article to me and she mispronounced a word. I, being in high school at the time, corrected her. She stopped, went back to the beginning of the sentence and read it again, but she still pronounced the word incorrectly. I corrected her again. Again, she stopped, went back to the beginning of the sentence and reread it, this time pronouncing the word correctly. I remember sitting there as she continued to read and being completely amazed that she would listen to me and learned from me, someone that was 50 years her junior.

Years later, when I was in college, I came home to find out that Nana had breast cancer. It was scary but we hoped that the doctor had caught it early enough and that after the surgery to remove the cancer she would be fine. The rest of the year passed and I thought all was well. My parents hadn’t really kept me up to date on what was happening with Nana because they wanted me to be able to concentrate on my studies.

That summer, I had decided to stay in the LA area, rent an apartment with a couple of friends and work at Magic Mountain. So we found an apartment and at the end of the school year spent our Saturday moving in. One of the things we had to take care of in our move was setting up a landline phone service (there were no cell phones back then). I arranged for my phone service at school to be shut off on Friday. But our phone service in the apartment wouldn’t start until Monday which meant we were going to be spending the weekend without a phone.

Sunday, I went to church. But when I came home I was so tired from the move the day before that I decided to take a nap. While I slept, I had a dream. In my dream, I was sitting in a hospital room next to a bed where Nana lay. We were talking quietly while I stroked her hair from her forehead. The dream was so real and made so deep an impression on me that when I woke up, I got into my car, drove to the nearest payphone, and called home. As soon as my Dad answered he said, “You better come home right away. We’re taking your grandmother to the hospital.” Again, I had no idea that Nana was so sick.

I got back into my car and drove like a maniac to get from the LA area to my home town in the San Joaquin Valley of California, pushing my little Chevy Vega to 90 miles an hour as I came off the grapevine. Of course, I was pulled over by the California Highway Patrol. Through tears, I told the policeman that my grandmother was dying, but I guess he’d heard that excuse too many times and I got a ticket. At this point, I had completely forgotten about my dream. I set the ticket aside and tried to drive within the speed limit the rest of the way to the hospital.

I arrived and found the hall which held Nana’s room, Mom, Dad, and Gaga were outside in the corridor. My Mom told me that Nana was calling for me and encouraged me to go into the room and see her. When I went inside, Nana was sleeping. I sat down on a chair that was placed next to the hospital bed and began to softly stroke her hair from her forehead. Nana woke, looked at me, and said, “You’re here. You really are here. I thought it was just a dream.” And then I suddenly remembered my dream. It turned out that the surgeon hadn't gotten all the cancer. It had metastasized and gone to her lungs and brain. So this moment that I spent with her was one of the last times that Nana spoke before she passed away.

Why I was given this special experience? I’m not sure. But I do know that we have a loving and merciful Father in Heaven who, knowing that Nana wanted to see me before she passed on, gave me a dream, a warning that made me phone home. He gave us an opportunity to say goodbye.

I know that dreams are one of the ways our Lord can speak to us. Look at how many times in the scriptures the Lord has told someone something in a dream. Lehi was warned in a dream to flee from Jerusalem with his family before the people could kill him. Joseph was a dreamer of dreams and interpreted Pharaoh's dreams that warned of an impending famine. Some dreams are very direct and easy to understand, others may take prayer, perhaps fasting or maybe just time before the meaning becomes clear. Whatever the case, the dreams that deeply impress you, the ones that seem to be coming back to your mind, again and again, those may be the dreams that are worth writing down and pondering over. I would encourage you to do so because maybe the Lord is trying to speak to you.

[averytswiftie]

One year ago on August 6th, 2019, I got my first car. Also one year ago, I got the call that I had cancer. BREAST CANCER. It’s pretty ironic that on what was supposed to be a joyful, memorable day, turned out to be a really memorable one for another, horrible reason. I will never forget our shock, the moment that the doctor unexpectedly called with my biopsy results. The chances of this breast lump being cancer at my age was astronomically small. The characteristics of the cancer were super rare. The likelihood of someone my age having breast cancer, and this type, was rarer than being invited to Taylor Swift’s secret session! I guess I hit both jackpots in the span of less than a year. One was the best day of my life, and one was the worst. 

I was sitting on my bed with my mom when she answered the phone. Cancer didn’t even cross either of our minds, not even the doctor’s. I was 19, and was two weeks from heading back to college for my junior year. When I say Breast Cancer never crossed my mind once, I am telling the truth. I was still riding the high of happiness and freedom, and a sense of independence from that day.  Honestly, when I first found out, I thought it would be a simple fix, kind of like how they just remove skin cancer and you’re fine. It never crossed my mind that I would be “sick”, and I never thought of the possiblility of dying (usually people’s first thought when they hear they have cancer) . For some reason, I still felt unstoppable at that point and time. As the days went on, and the doctor’s appointments piled up, it became very real to me that I wouldn’t be able to go back to school for the year, that I might need chemotherapy (which I ended up needing four months of), and that a lumpectomy would no longer be an option. I needed a double mastectomy. 

It’s true that you go through grief of losing your breasts, especially being 19 at the time, and your whole body was going to be changing in an instant. It wasn’t until after my surgery that I felt “ruined”, “unlovable”, and “scarred”, and would spend every night for months crying alone and quietly in my bed so my mom wouldn’t hear me. No one my age would get it, which felt even lonelier. I had also always been super happy with my body before then, so it was devastating to lose the body I once knew and loved. 

Being a year out, I can say proudly that I am no where near where I was back then. I still have temporary expanders in place (and filled to my size) until I get my permanent implants in December, but I feel cute again when I wear clothes. I spent seven months flat as I had a lot of surgical and healing complications which delayed reconstruction, so having a figure again right now makes me smile more than you could ever know. 

It also feels like a different lifetime ago that I had to go every other week to get chemotherapy for four, long months. I think this is partly because my hair only thinned, but was unnoticeable to others, and I didn't lose it all like most do. It was a horrible four months, though. I was so sick on the weeks I’d get chemo, I’d be in so much pain (I would describe it by being hit by a bus in my neck, face, and back), I wouldn’t eat for days, and I’d get random fevers which would warrant an ER visit. I do recognize though, the luck I have now to be able to feel and look healthy in the mirror because I don’t have a real, physical reminder that it happened. I should also note that the chemotherapy was a preventative measure, for prevent the cancer from recurring. Even though I was stage 1, thankfully, the doctors wanted to treat me aggressively because I was so young. I am really lucky to live in an area where I have amazing doctors and surgeons right in my backyard. Being the youngest in these doctor’s practices and cancer centers, I was treated more like a daughter than just a patient. That made me feel so much more comfortable in navigating the disease that no one wants to have. I actually went back for a follow up appointment with my oncologist the other day, and all is good! I’m now only on Tamoxifen (an estrogen blocker because my cancer was hormone receptor positive) for the next eight or so years, which is normal protocol for my cancer.

Cancer completely changed my life, and I’d by lying if i said it didn’t. It changed my perspective on life and the things that matter, and taught me pain. It was the worst year of my life, and I wouldn’t have wished it on my worst enemy (well maybe haha). I went through more in these past 365 days than most do in a lifetime, and I believe I am now a more resilient and strong person because of it. You find out who your true friends are once you are faced with this diagnosis. I’m so glad I have a few of those who are near and dear to me, and oh so supportive Swiftie friends who would check up on me often. 

In a few weeks, I am headed back to college as a junior (and Lover will be released)! People are always telling me that my experiences will make me a better occupational therapist in the future. And I hope that is a positive that comes out of it. I also hope to use my unique platform to educate young women about breast cancer because never in a million years imagined that at 19, it would happen to me. Just like I never imagined I would be invited to a secret session. I’ve spent the whole year wondering if you’ve been following my story, @taylorswift . You’ve been a huge part of my journey, from wearing your shirts to every surgery and chemo, and keeping me company while I watched your interviews and music videos during treatments to take my mind off the pain and nausea. I wish you knew <3. 

[sincerelymicah]

Reflecting.

For so long, I spent obsessing over Joshua loving me. I spent so so so much of my time doing that, that I didn’t get to know who I was growing up. I spent so much time focusing on who he was because I thought I knew I was but I was changing. Shit, I’m not the same person that I was when I first started talking about Joshua on all of my social media platforms. I’m not the same person I was my senior year of high school when I fell hard for this guy.  I’m at my senior year of college, still with the same guy, though he’s changed into someone who truly loves me and I beat myself up thinking...at what cost? 

He does love me now, but when I loved him the most he didn’t love me. I’m sitting here now reflecting- I have a different type of love for him now. Not so obsessive anymore. Not so passionate or hard. But so calm. I realize now that I need to put myself first. I need to get to know this new Micah who grew and changed before my very eyes. I’m about to embark on this new journey. I love him, but he’s not my whole life. I want you to know that, future Micah. You even doubt that he’s your future nowadays. 

I guess we’ll see. 

Now my journey is focused on healing. My journey is more focused on trying to heal from this depression that occured, that I’ve been feeling for 4 years. I don’t remember being this depressed in High School, or is that where it started? Maybe my junior year of high school when I moved from California and I had to reinvent my whole self? Not sure. I wasn’t the same person I was and I was constantly trying to get that back. And I did...for a time when I became a freshman in college. Then the accident happened and my whole life just fell apart. And then the domestic violence happened with my sister the same year, and I fell even more apart. And then I became a “mother” because I basically adopted her kids, and I shattered. And she went back to him and took them with her, and I ached. And I started thinking of death another way and I sunk. I sunk deep. I guess it was that year. ANd then my mom had the scare of breast cancer and I constantly lived my life in fear. And then I had to stop dorming and had to commute, only being in a house where I realized was so toxic, and I drowned. 

Now I’m here. 

I reached healing in the summer. I really did. But I’m experiencing some sort of emptiness inside. But I’m trying to get back up, I swear I am. I know myself at my best. But I still have to get there.

[awkward-radar-tech]

Crystal

Summary: Hux knows this simple piece of crystal won’t heal your pain, but he hopes it will help alleviate some of your sorrow during this hard week. 

A/N: Finally the piece with Hux comforting reader about her deceased mom. Will I write more of them? Yes. I wrote most of this towards the end of last year, but couldn’t finish it until last week and decided to then schedule it to post on the day this talks about for me. And, hey, I finally posted another work. I’m kinda getting back in the swing of writing...

Hux sat at his desk going over reports while he patiently waited for his secretary to inform him what he was waiting for had arrived so he could go home. He normally didn't have personal things delivered to the office, but this was something he wanted to surprise you with. He knew you were home, in pain and heartache, and he dearly hoped this would help. Just as he finished up a report, the knock he was waiting for came on his door before it creaked open.

Alice didn't enter, she just made her face visible, “Mr. Hux, your delivery is downstairs waiting with the valet for when you are ready to leave.”

He set his computer to shut down and grabbed his stuff, “Perfect timing. Thank you Alice, have a nice weekend.”

She opened the door all the way and smiled as he walked by, “You too sir.”

On his drive home, he couldn't figure out how he should act when he walked in, especially because he wasn't sure how you were going to be feeling. He walked in, the brown paper covered box in his hand, and found you curled up on the couch taking a nap with Millicent. At least that explained why you didn't respond to his text that he was leaving work, and the fact your phone was in the kitchen. He didn't dare to wake you so he just sat on the other end of the couch and waited after he put his stuff away.

Millie lifted her head and murrped when he sat down, and despite his best efforts to convince her to stay, she walked over you slowly to get to him, since she was just a cat. As Hux expected, the pressure points called paws woke you up, and while you woke he silently scolded his cat.

You stretched your legs before opening your eyes, and when you hit something not couch and not cat you opened your eyes, “Armie, how long have you been home? And why didn't you text?”

He smiled at your sleepy form, “My dear, I did text, your phone is in the kitchen. And it has only been about five minutes.”

You yawned and sat up, “Oh.”

He moved to wrap his arm around you, “How are you feeling?”

You shrugged, “Like a steam roller went over me and my brain was placed in thick goo.”

He kissed your forehead, “I'm so sorry. But I'm here now to help. And I got you something that I hope you will like.”

He grabbed the box and placed it on your lap. Armitage watched as you slowly opened the paper and the box, then removed the styrofoam casing. Once you removed the top half, you froze. Tears rolled down your face as you looked at the crystal figure, an emperor penguin that had a blue gradient that began at the base and faded to clear at the top. You removed it completely from the protective casing and noticed the penguin had a chick at its feet. You hugged it to your chest and curled into Armitage’s side. He held you while you cried, knowing you loved it.

He thought back on all the conversations you have had about your mom. You had shared memories you had of her while growing up, how she volunteered in your school and at Girl Scouts. He held in his heart a story of how one time you cried before she left for a meeting, not wanting her to go since she had been to a couple already that week and you wanted to spend time with her and how four short years later she was gone forever; because of this story he made sure to limit how many meetings he took outside of normal working hours, and took you on his business trips when possible. Your eloquence about your experience and loss and heartache are beautifully heartbreaking to him. On a date while the relationship was still young, he took you on a picnic followed by star gazing. While star gazing you began to talk about your lives, and how you both had lost your moms; your's to breast cancer as a high school junior and his to a heart attack as a toddler, which brought him to his biological father and step-mom. He will forever remember what you said that night, “My mom fought a war that all hope to never experience but know someone who has. It is a war fought for some in one battle, and others in many with peaceful years between. Some lose the war on their first battle and others taste victory once, maybe many times, before the enemy returns with a vengeance and wins. And the lucky win each time.”

That night he knew he loved you, very few could voice their pain and loss in such beautiful language. And that is how he knew you would love this beautiful piece of crystal, a work to commemorate your mom as beautiful as your words. She loved penguins and the color blue, so he sought out the best crystal artist in the city to get it made to give to you on her birthday. You had told him that was the only day you were allowed to celebrate her, not the day she died, her memorial, or the day she was buried, and because of that, the week leading up to the day was always the hardest for you.

He rubbed your shoulder, “It always hurts to see you in this pain, my dear, and I thought a few weeks ago that this would help you smile and feel a little bit better.”

There was a muffled “Thank you” into his side before another sob shook the body it came from.

When at last you had calmed, you moved to sit up and look at your boyfriend. His hand moved to wipe away the few remaining tears as he gave you a warm smile you did your best to return.

With a shaky voice, you finally properly acknowledged the gift still held to your chest, “Armie, this is beautiful. I love it so much. It makes this day so much brighter.”

“I do what I can, my dear. I love you.”

It remained a quiet night with cuddling, kisses, and dinner ordered in. There wasn’t much talking at all, the empty air filled with the sound of cooking shows and primetime sitcoms that played without being noticed. Hux never pressed to return your thoughts back to the present from wherever they wandered to, he assumed he would feel the same if he had known life with his mom before she passed away. Millicent did pull a few laughs from you when she went on her nightly terror through the apartment, especially when she jumped on then promptly slid off the back of the couch while at top speed. He knew you would feel your normal self again soon, and that your type of grieving would never stop, especially when big milestones come around, like his next surprise for you that he has planned for next month, he just needs your ring size.  

[whiitcflag-blog]

★.⁙⁓ zoey deutch, female, she/her, bisexual. ★.⁙⁓ Introducing Autumn Valley’s very own ISOBEL “IZZY” BENNETT! She is a TWENTY-FOUR year old MANAGER AT GREER’S COFFEE and a LEO. IZZY can be found at  RED’S TAVERN and their favorite autumn activity is DECORATING FOR HALLOWEEN.

hey party people !! here’s my first baby izzy, she’s kinda a human tornado. come have some fun with her !!

izzy grew up in autumn valley in the house of the perfect couple. george and bailey bennett were practically the faces of the town and had everyone under their spell. george was a well known defense attorney and her mom worked as a freelance photographer. both did very well for themselves and their daughter never had to ask for anything. 

izzy is the oldest of three siblings, the others being 22 and 20 respectively. she cares for her siblings more than anything else in the world. 

everything seemed perfect until george began drinking. after loosing a HUGE case, he came home and soon began his cycle into alcoholism. he was a violent drunk and izzy often fell victim to it alongside her mom. 

this happened all throughout high school until izzy’s senior year. one night, george sent izzy to the hospital. not wanting to see her daughter get hurt again, bailey reported her husband to the police. due to the extensive evidence, george had been backed into a corner and was forced to plead guilty. he’s currently serving a lifetime behind bars.

when she graduated, izzy knew she had to get the hell out of town. she moved to new york city to follow her dream of becoming a musician and stay close to her mother, which became even more important as her mother’s health began to fail. 

izzy moved back home to help take care of her mother a year after her breast cancer diagnosis. she began to work multiple jobs to pay her medical bills. when she wasn’t working, she was at her mother’s side. 

her siblings couldn’t help out all the time, each of them had found success in their area’s of interest. the youngest sibling was studying criminology at a university on the other side of the country while the other was studying photography in colorado. 

izzy’s mother passed three years after she moved back home. her death broke her. the woman who had protected her through her entire life was gone. 

at this point, she decided to stay in her hometown. her boss at greer’s coffee offered her a manager position, which she accepted. 

she’s happy with her life now, she even got her boss to allow her to host open mic nights at the shop. this gave her the musical outlet she was missing.

she is currently single, but she did date one person throughout her sophomore and junior year of high school who she considers her first love. did she ever get over them? maybe, maybe not. (gender utp)

she honestly likes to think that she has game but she honestly doesn’t... oops ??

whiskey kind of girl for sure. 

often wearing loose t-shirts and ripped jeans, sometimes accompanied by a leather jacket. her hair is usually up in a messy bun. 

the definition of insomniac. 

i’m always down to add some connections for her, she’s been in town a lot of her life so she could have known most of the locals from her childhood. 

she’s been through a lot, but she’s honestly such a soft child. please hit me up, i would LOVE to play with her !! i would love to see her siblings, her high school ex, flings, besties, anything !!

[ruoxin]

Hello everyone!!

I noticed that I gained a lot of new followers recently, and I realized I haven’t really made a post introducing myself like ever lol so I brain dumped 50 random facts about me and hopefully you guys know me better! ^-^

My name is Angela, but I also go by Ang/Angie/Leighann

I’m currently 22! I was born in 1997 (Chinese zodiac is year of the Rat since I was born before the Lunar New Year)

i’m quite short at 4′11″

My Myers-Briggs is INFJ

For those into Astrology: Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon, Cancer rising

I just graduated last month from UCSB as a psych major with a minor in English literature!

Born and raised in the Bay Area ❤ Hoping to live in SF someday!

I’m ethnically Chinese/Dutch, but both my parents are from Taiwan

I have a HUGE birthmark from my ankle to my thigh (it’s insane haha but it faded a lot throughout the years)

I have 8 piercings! All in my ears (6 lobes, 1 tragus, 1 helix)

Only countries I been to: U.S., Mexico, China, Taiwan. Top of my bucket list include: Iceland, Santorini, Japan, South Korea!

I guess I’m bi? Still figuring it out tbh. But guys my type include: Doctor Mike, Andre Hamann, Nick Bateman. girls my type: Hyoyeon, Seulgi, Maggie Q, Lucy Liu

My fav (American) TV shows are: OITNB, Grey’s Anatomy, Burn Notice, and FRIENDS

My fav kdramas are: Encounter, City Hunter,  IRIS, Legend of the Blue Sea

My fav movie is Breakfast at TIffany’s

I listen to a lot of indie/alternative (Foster the People, Lana Del Rey, Naked and Famous, Mumford & Sons), kpop (right now loving Red Velvet, SNSD and Gfriend), and classic 60s - 80s (Beatles, Motown, Frank Sinatra, etc.)

I got into kpop in 2009 but stopped listening around 2013-2016 and started again in 2017. My ult kpop group is pROoOBably SNSD and my (ult) bias is Hyoyeon ❤ PLEASE STAN HER AND LISTEN TO HER NEW SINGLE BADSTER WHEN IT COMES OUT JULY 20 6PM KST!!

I was raised Catholic but now I am spiritual but not religious. I believe in constantly working on becoming a better person and doing good.

My fav colors are: black, white, most shades of light pink, turquoise (or TIffany blue), and recently I’ve been obsessed with yellow! I can’t pick a single one!

My favorite time of day is prob dawn but I haven’t been awake for it in years lol. I do love twilight too because it gives me a weird nostalgic feeling

I speak English and proficient-fluent Mandarin (I prob can’t have a deep conversation about economics or politics or something lol but I grew up speaking it with my parents 24/7). I also took 4 years of Japanese in high school (but i prob forgot most of it welp). I’m going to relearn Japanese/Mandarin and hopefully start learning Korean sometime in the near future! I know the alphabet and some basics from my countless of hours watching kdramas lol

If you’re one of my female friends, I will melt if you call me these: angel, sweetie, beautiful, babe, hun, etc!!

I try to avoid mainstream things that are talked about too much because I really believe that things are overhyped and people can lose their identity by liking things just because other people are. (no hate, but e.g. BTS, Ariana Grande, Game of Thrones, Beyonce).

I LOVEEE receiving and giving handwritten letters

Speaking of, I change my handwriting every few years since I haven’t really found one that stuck yet and I have like 5 different types of handwriting from all caps to very neat print to almost calligraphy-like cursive

Games I play(ed): Pokemon (Silver, Leafgreen, Emerald, Ultra Sun, Alpha Sapphire, and Pokemon Go lol), Animal Crossing (Wild World, New Leaf, Pocket Camp). I also did my fair share of League but stopped before it consumed my life with toxicity. I was a support main who used Nami, Janna, and Thresh!

27 is my favorite number but I really do not know why lmao

My guilty pleasure song is Britney Spears - Toxic and I still haven’t gotten sick of it. Some favorite songs of all time are prob: Aretha Franklin - Day Dreaming, Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World, SNSD - Gee, SNSD - Genie, Amy Winehouse - Valerie

My best subject at school was English and I received an academic excellence award at the end of my junior year out of all the juniors in my grade in American Lit

When I was younger, my first dream job was an artist. then I watched Grey’s and wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon. Other dream jobs I had for brief moments: makeup artist, fashion designer, motivational speaker. Now I’m hoping to go to grad school to be an MFT/LPCC!

I love black cats and german shepherds! But I’m more of a cat person

If I could travel back in time I would want to live in 60′s New York or the 90′s.

Biggest turn on: someone who can hold a deep and intellectual conversation with me about meaningful subjects! Biggest turn off: someone who is extremely vapid and has no ambition whatsoever

My fav season is autumn!

The perfume I use is Marc Jacobs Daisy but I think I want to change to Versace Bright Crystal after I finish

I have perfect vision!

I did track during my prime teenage days (long jumper!) and my fastest mile was 7:20. I haven’t ran for years after that and I just started again 7 years later around this March, and I improved from around a 10 min mile in the beginning to my recent fastest at 8:09! I am hoping to get back in the ~7 mins

I also did a little bit of swim team, and I can swim all four strokes (free, back, breast, butterfly) but I mainly raced freestyle and butterfly!

I am literally the least picky eater you will ever meet. Take me to any restaurant and I wouldn’t complain. I also have a decently high tolerance for spicy things. The only food that I ever really tried and disliked is liver and the one thing that I probably wouldn’t ever try is something way out there like snail or scorpion lol

Speaking of food, I love food on the heavier side and tend to over season and over-sauce my foods lol. I love onion, ketchup, ranch, black pepper, soy sauce, korean chili spice (what they use for kimchi)

I can crack all my toes at will (it grosses everyone out xD)

My favorite book of all time is East of Eden by John Steinbeck ❤

My super power of choice if I had one would probably be invisibility

I played piano for 6 years in my childhood and I can still read notes, but veeery slowly lol

I’m kind of VERY unhealthily obsessed with (Japanese) stationery. Moleskine journals, Uni alpha gel, Pilot Dr. Grip, Zebra Mildliners, Staedler Triplus fineliners, Sakura Microns, Uni-ball signo, Pilot Hi-tec-c... yeah... i have all of those and more... yiKEs

My fav holiday is Christmas. I love holiday spirit and Sleigh Ride (I only accept the Ella Fitzgerald version) is literally such a good song??

My favorite non alcoholic drink is prob earl grey boba tea. fav alcoholic drink is whiskey!

I do not have any tattoos, but the top two I am planning are: “♒” behind my left ear, and “英” behind my neck (my mom’s Chinese name, but it also means brave/hero/outstanding person)

city > countryside

How I would describe my fashion style: tomboy, casual, chic, comfortable

[dacresslut]

Back off - chapter one

Billy Hargrove x Reader

Summary: imagine how hard it would be with a dad as cop, two older brothers are cops, and twin brother who are a grade above you. Dating is hard. But is everything going to change with the new bad boy in town? Or get even harder?

Warnings: eventually smut, swearing, alcohol, drugs and anything else you can think of.

Word count: 1.3 k

A/N: hellooooooo, first series on tumblr everrr. Billy is my fucking mans.

Dating was hard for you. To simplify it: four older brothers, and a cop as a father. Hoppers best friend at that. Dating felt like it was never an option. Never. Boys have come and gone, mostly being scared away by your family of strong men. But that’s the way they liked it. The little one was protected always.

You were a junior in high school. A loose canon, trouble, sneaking out, partying, smoked, but never put out. You were a badass to a certain point. Your mother always said to save yourself for that special person. You’d always remember the first time. She said that right before she passed. Breast cancer was a bitch.

Jack and Daniel were in the grade above you. They were twins and named after a whiskey brand. Phil and Andrew worked as police officers with your dad. They were always busy with work. But either way, you were all a very close family who would do anything for each other.

Jack and Daniel sat in the front seat while you sat in the back. “Little sister,” they said in unison.

“Big brothers.” You say in a monotone voice, trying to get your homework done before the day began.

“We have to tell you something.” Jack says to you, looking back at you.

“It’s important, so look at us.” Daniel said in a stern voice. “We have a new friend.”

“And I care why?” Sassing back at them. “All your friends are stupid and are nothing but dumbasses with footballs, I’m not interested in your new friend now can I please finish my work?”

“He’s different.” Dan closes your book on you, “his name is Billy,” that sounded familiar to you, “and he’s a very sweet talker and has no idea we have a little sister yet.” Jack butts in,

“He’s off limits.” You roll your eyes, packing up your stuff before the bell rang.

“I don’t want anybody. I’ll be fine.” Opening the door and exiting the back of the car. “I think I can handle myself.” Shutting the door as the bell rang. Hustling inside to your locker, you open it as you get a smell of some nice cologne. Closing your locker you see a certain very attractive male staring you down. He was talking with another girl a few lockers down from yours. You scoff and turned away, walking your cute ass, in some tight jeans, away from him. It only makes him want you even more.

Class was boring, as usual. But you got your test back, and it was an A+, it made you smile. Knowing how your mom would’ve put it on the fridge for everyone to admire. Thats if she was still here. Turning in your homework as the bell rings. Gym class. Which was you playing with the boys. You enjoyed to look at the sweaty, shirtless, great looking boys run around on the court. Steve was the main person you watched going up and down the court, hoping he’d be skins today instead of shirts.

You had no such luck, he was shirts but the new boy was skins, which almost made up for it. He licked his teeth as he played and looked at you. Rolling your eyes, you stretch your arms as you get to ready play with the boys. You were never the one to sit on the sidelines and watch as the other girls paint their nails. You had to be in the with the action.

“I think I want her on skins, coach.” The new one says to the gym teacher, looking at you up and down. Licking his teeth again.

You could throw up, “sick.” Saying to yourself, throwing your hair up in a ponytail.

“Calm down Hargrove.” He says, telling us to get in the middle of the court for the ball toss. Steve hits it over to you, jumping to catch it. Billy comes up and tries to block me, thinking he had to go easy, he was light on his feet. Confident that he can get the ball. But you use your whole shoulder and body to knock him down on his ass, running towards the hoop and shooting a three, making it in with a swish. You look at the boy on the ground, dumbfounded that you successfully got away from him. You just smirk, showing him you weren’t an average girl.

You offer him a hand, helping him up. “Plant your feet next time.” Giving him some good advice. Then jogging down the court, guys patting your back for making a great play.

Billy was right on your ass the whole time, you use your arm to try push him off of you. “Back up, new kid.” You step in hard and push him back to get a clear shot. But he grabs the ball from you.

“Not fast enough princess!” He yells, running down the court, throwing it in the basket. Your ears start to get hot. You block him as he get the ball again, pressed up against his nice ass. Trying to reach around to get the ball. He pushes back up on you, but you stand your ground. Pushing hard on him, “ooo she’s got fire boys!” He teases, “Let’s sees who plants their feet better.” He leans in and pushed, hard, knocking you over. Scoring once again. “WOO! Play with the big dogs, you get treated like a dog!” This makes your blood boil.

“That’s it!” You rush forward to him, placing your hands on his chest and shoved him. You would’ve went after him but Steve grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder.

“That’s enough, tiger.” Steve says as you kick and scream.

The rest of gym period went like you and Billy having a pissing match. Trying to one up each other. You were both sweaty, panting as the bell rang. “Hit the showers!” Coach yells, you grab a towel to wipe off the salty sweat on your chest and forehead. Walking towards the girls locker room, hearing girls giggling and laughing. “Did you see the new guy? The things I would do to that man.” They sigh in the thought of being with him. Rolling your eyes, taking off your clothes. Taking a nice hot shower. Then heading to your next class.

When school ended, you headed towards your brothers car. Your backpack over one shoulder, then hearing your name being called. “(y/n)! (Y/l/n)!” Sounds like the cocky fucker in gym class. You whip your whole body around to see him running after you.

“Do I know you?” You raise an eyebrow at him, grabbing your cigarettes out of your back pocket, with the lighter. As soon as you tried to light it, he pushes your hand down and lights it for you.

“Pretty girls don’t light their own cigarettes.” His husk voice says with a smirk. He thinks he’s hot shit, well he is but you won’t, will not, will never, let him know that. “You do know me, Billy, Billy Hargrove, from gym class.” He lights his own cigarette, smiling as he lets the smoke roll out his mouth. It makes your legs shake with want, you quickly kept your cool.

“Can I help you, Billy?” This is the boy your brothers warned you about. Stay away. “I’m a busy gal, and have plans.”

“Let me take you on a date.” He scans your body, you smile and give him the best bedroom eyes. Opening your plump lips to answer him, makes his whole body shiver.

“No.” Then turning away to walk towards your twin brothers car. Leaving him with a mad face, no one ever turned him down. He just got four girls numbers. But he wanted you, grumbling to himself quietly, made a v-line to his car. Seeing the twins he met at a party last week when he first got here.

“Hey Hargrove.” Dan says to him, smiling.

“You down for a party tonight? Our dad is out of town with our two older brothers.” Jack finished his sentence. Billy smirked, dragging off his cigarette.

“Of course. I’ll be there.” The twins smile the exact same way.

“See you there.”

—————

Tags: @dacremontgomerylover

[quickwitter]

Regrettable hairstyles

I can’t really complain about my hair, it took me ages to actually grow hair as a baby, and it was blonde and very fine until I hit puberty, then it went bat shit crazy getting both voluminous and wavy. Since, I've had a pretty great head of hair, and I let it do it’s thing. I’ve never been very “experimental” about it. For most of my life my hair has been long and other than washing it, completely carefree. Down, clipped, in a hairband, pinned up, easy peasy. Now that it’s just growing back in I’m thinking of bleaching it out, dyeing the tips purple, I mean why not?

In looking for photos, there are a LOT where I look really awful, but my hair is pretty much okay. Apologies I don’t have elementary school photos handy (or scanned), I’m sure there are many bad haircuts in there. My mom cut our hair through junior high school.

The 60s - I’m the short one, the toddler with fine, blonde hair and what my dad called a Prince Valiant haircut named after a Thor-like cartoon strip that ran in the San Francisco Chronicle Sunday “Funny Papers”.

The 70s is the least attractive period in my life—I’m seated in the center of the frame. The “Shag” was all the rage, and the first professional haircut I ever got, but not a look for me. I had braces, wore headgear, hated myself, hated my life. There was a boy that liked me at this time. God Bless him. :) 

The 80s - crazy curly products came out. I’d had my hair layered and “thinned” which allowed it to curl up in the humidity on the East coast where I’d moved. It was brassy as I was a swimmer and the chlorine gave me a copper penny brassy look. I loved the blue shirt I’m wearing, it’s silk.

The 90s were a good decade.

The 00s - Impulsively I had my hair cut short as I was training for the Honolulu marathon, and I didn’t want to worry about my hair. The boyfriend was traveling in Italy and when he returned, he HATED it. It grew out really quickly and there aren’t many photos in between though I kept it shoulder length for awhile.

The ‘10s the bottom is the first selfie I took earlier this year after I had my head shaved and between my first and second chemo infusions. It’s regrettable only in I had breast cancer. The weird thing about cancer for me, was that it’s a hidden disease, UNTIL you lose your hair, then everyone knows. I remember my mom and I talking about this. She hated it, as she couldn’t keep her illness hidden. I was the opposite. Shaving my head was somehow empowering and helped me to get through the whole chemo thing — allowing me to channel the energy of badass lesbians and hostile art critics when I felt like my own energy was flagging. I only very occasionally wore a hat or a scarf.

[kinwagrow-blog]

Welcome to my kitchen!

I’m Joan Black, the founder, chef and developer of KINwagrow, a plant-based food blog. I’m also a mom, wife, Air Force veteran, culinary school graduate, writer and breast cancer survivor.

As far back as I can remember, food has been my obsession. As a teenager, I cooked my way through Betty Crocker cookbooks, and in my twenties, I moved on to Martha Stewart’s Entertaining and Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Over the years, I became an avid vintage cookbook and magazine collector. Shows like The Galloping Gourmet, East Meets West with Ming Tsai, Cucina Amore and In Julia’s Kitchen with Master Chefs, fed my curiosity and open my eyes to the world of cooking.

Living in Hawaii during part of elementary school, I incorporated food into school projects and eagerly researched native Hawaiian foods as we studied the history of Hawaii. In junior high, I wrote reports on the foods of Peru and Russia for world geography. I performed a comparative nutritional analysis of fresh, canned and frozen green beans for my high school chemistry project.

After earning my biology degree from UNLV, I joined the Air Force and landed in Washington, D.C., and later Philadelphia, where my fascination with food exploded. The food culture on the East Coast was very different from Las Vegas. I took French cooking classes and made puff pastry from scratch. When I ate a great dish at a restaurant, I’d often recreate it at home. I loved picking produce at the farmers’ grocery stands, sampling local fare of county fairs and festivals, and tasting the offerings of historic country bed-and-breakfast inns. 

My Air Force buddies shared my love of food. We had weekly themed dinners showcasing foods from different countries. There was the Greek toga party with Ouzo and moussaka and German night with cherries soaked in cherry brandy in the Black Forest cake. We cooked together making fudge, pulled butter mints, French baguettes, and so much more. The best of times!

In 1999, I enrolled in culinary school and decided I wanted to become a chef. From day one, I knew this was where I was supposed to be. I worked as a cook at Commander’s Palace Restaurant Las Vegas. Whether I was creating a roux for béchamel sauce, making gumbo or prepping artichokes, I loved being in kitchen.

After a back injury, I needed a break from the physical demands of the kitchen. Food was still my passion, so I started writing about local restaurants and interviewed celebrity chefs. I also did business writing for magazines, newspapers and marketing agencies. For nearly five years, I owned and operated, The Creative Octopus, LLC, a professional writing firm catering to the needs of small businesses.

My Plant-based Journey

In 2011, a friend introduced me to plant-based cuisine and I read The China Study by T. Colin Campbell. I was intrigued, interested in the health benefits, and wanted to see how I felt eating differently. As I embarked on a new culinary adventure with ingredients I’d never heard of and didn’t know how to use, I was open to new possibilities. What was nutritional yeast, how did you make cheese from nuts, and what was raw cooking? I’ve always loved baking and it proved to be a challenge as I stopped using heavy cream, butter and eggs. I felt lost. Then I learned how to make delectable chocolate mousse, cheesecake and scones without eggs and dairy products. As my confidence grew, I created my own mouthwatering plant-based dishes and revisited the classic cookbooks and magazines that once inspired me—to craft vegan versions of my old recipe favorites.

My perspective shifted. Eating a plant-based diet makes me feel better, have more energy, and now I’ve adopted the ‘way of the vegan’ for the animals as well as the health benefits.

KINwagrow – Welcome to the family!

In December 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As I went through treatment, I had time to reflect, meditate and think about the next step in my journey. I decided blogging offered the perfect way to share my passion for creative and innovative plant-based food with others.

KINwagrow focuses on simply delicious and decadent plant-based food. It is the foodie haven where you’ll find crave-worthy recipes, healthy eating tips from experts, information about plant-based restaurants, chef interviews and more.

For those dealing with cancer and the effects of its treatment on eating, KINwagrow will serve as a resource center and include interviews with nutritionists, dieticians, physicians and other experts. It is my hope that their suggestions help readers and their loved ones get through this difficult time easier.

I’m so glad you stopped by!

[prorevenge]

A Story of a 15 Year Old Badass

WARNING: this is really long, but it’s worth the read!

When I was 14, I started high school, like most 14 year olds are scheduled to do, but I really didn’t feel ready.

Even though I was in an extremely dark place, I was really hopeful that high school would be the opportunity I needed to get my life back. On the first day of school, I was boy crazy because I was hanging out with other girls who were and I figured that it could be a fix for my depression. My mother is a pastor, so other than getting prayed for and praying, there was nothing being done to treat my depression and the only thing my mother could think of was to spank me and punish me whenever I self-harmed or isolated myself. I spent the entirety of my first day, ogling boys and envying girls I compared myself to. At the end of the school day, I was walking to my bus and saying bye to my friends and bumped into a white boy, with long, very curly hair and coke bottle glasses. He had a bandanna wrapped across his head, rainbow tie-dye shirt, and a faux cow suede vest with fringes. He was holding his skateboard in one hand and smoking a cigarette with the other. When we looked at each other, all I could say was “my bad, dude...i respect your vibe” and I walked away, occasionally looking back at him and saw that he was still looking at me and I waved before getting on my bus and he waved back.

The next day, I asked everyone if they knew “a hippy looking boy with coke bottle glasses” and finally someone said, they knew Tony. They continued to inform me that he was a junior, he was a huge pot head, and he didn’t “believe in relationships, so, aside from his ex, no girl can tie him down”. They said they saw always him in the Drama hallway, with all of the theater kids. I made a plan with my best friend, Keke, to go to the Drama hallway and pretend to sign up for the play after school. As soon as we went, we were greeted with a round of applause and hugs from the older thespians, who were thrilled to see fresh meat show an interesting in their pride and joy. We introduced ourselves and, after announcing my name out loud so all thirty-sum people could hear me, one person immediately said “Iris*...a girl named Iris...nice to meet you”, and as you suspect, it was Tony.

(my name is a dead giveaway of my identity because it’s a boy’s name and there aren’t a lot of girls who share my name)

To speed things along, I ended up joining the Drama club, primarily because I felt like it was the perfect niche for me but also because Tony was in it. I signed up to do hair and makeup for the fall play and tony was a part of stage crew, where they stay after school every day and assist the contractor in building a custom design set for each production. I asked him if there were any girls in stage crew, and aside for one older girl who graduated already, it was mainly a small group of guys. As you can guess, I joined and so did Keke because we were adamant about having each other’s backs. I was partially interested in woodwork and building at the time (I was 14 and I managed to mount my TV to my wall by myself) so I was looking forward to learning how to use a nail gun, a saw machine, stain wood, design something, take precise measurements, and have everything come together into something beautiful. After week two of high school, Keke and I were staying after school every day to work on the set for the play and I was able to get to know Tony, without looking too desperate. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the last Friday of September. I told him that it felt like the last true day of summer, and I also told him I never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy before. We had an established routine of going to the lake, parallel to my high school, and eating lunch before stage crew started (we had from 2:15-3:30, to be exact). He kissed me after I asked him if I could try his cigarette and started cough after one pull. We walked back to campus holding hand and it felt like we were making our debut as a couple because almost everyone looked at us. It was like in those high school movies, where everyone’s attention is on the focal point and it’s really dramatic. I felt accomplished because I, a freshman, was the one who tied down Tony Bologna, one of the ten most longed for boys in my high school. Little did I know, he was the biggest can of worms in the tristate area and my dumbass opened the fucking can, y’all. My brother, who was also a junior, told me I was dumb and advised me to end things with him, but I assumed he was just being protective of me.

As we dated, he taught me everything I was willing to learn about. I learned how to skateboard, how to smoke cigarettes without coughing, how to buy them without looking like I wasn’t old enough and which type of cigarettes to smoke. I learned the different levels and intensities of kissing. I learned how to navigate the hallways of high school without looking like a lost duckling and I smelled weed, for the first time intentionally. A girl, who was senior in the drama club and I worshipped on a semi-regular basis, came up to me and told me that heard a rumor that I was dating Tony and wanted to let me know. I told her that it wasn’t a rumor and her entire tone shifted. She asked me if I was sure we were officially together because he has a reputation to go for vulnerable freshman just to manipulate them and have sex, and I told her that we’d already been serious for about a month and I was a virgin but he respected the fact that I wasn’t ready. As soon as I said I was a virgin, her eyebrows went up and she laughed in my face. She apologized for laughing, and said “I’m not laughing at you being a virgin, I just didn’t realize Tony wasn’t addicted to sex anymore...when we were together, all he wanted to do was have sex with me so I broke up with him. I didn’t realize he’s a new person now, and I never really fell out of love with him...thank you for letting me know!”

I should have paid more attention to what she said about the sex thing, but I was so jealous. She was THE ex, and she was a senior, and she was such a confident badass. I told him about the conversation during our daily lunch at the lake and he said that “even though 30% of me would still date Sam*, and 80% of me would definitely still fuck her, I’m crazy about you and I don’t want to lose you”, and I thought that was the most romantic thing ever. In an effort to compete with her, I started adjusting my style and wore more black. I wasn’t willing to give up my virginity to compete with her, but I knew that they both smoked weed and drank. I heard rumors about him being a drug dealer and selling weed, acid, molly, coke, shrooms, and etc., but I didn’t believe it to be true for a second. In October, he told me about a halloween/birthday party his friend was throwing and ask if I could come. I meticulously planned it out: I asked my mom if I could spend the night at a friend’s house nearby and she happily agreed, thinking that my mental health was finally improving. I went to CVS and used my lunch money to buy liquid eyeliner and dark red lipstick. After school, we went to his house and I met his very sweet and liberal parents. We stayed in the movie area of the basement and watched Benchwarmers and made out the whole time. He directed my hand to where he wanted it (y’all know what I’m saying) and showed me the specific motion. I didn’t feel confident enough to continue so I straddled him and attempted to grind in skinny jeans. After ten minutes of that nonsense, I felt like a new woman and he was definitely proud of me. We went upstairs to eat dinner shortly after and being in the presence of a functional family that loved and respected each other made me feel so uncomfortable, so I was pretty silence. After we all ate dessert and watched “Adventure Time” in the living room, he drove me to my friend’s house and we planned to meet up at the party. I wore black shorts, with fishnets underneath, combat boots, and a grey cropped sweater with skulls on it. My friend did my make up and we walked 10 blocks, in late October weather without coats at 10:30PM, to the party. When we got there, we saw grown ass adults, between 18-30 years old, and we thought we were at the wrong place. I saw his ex, Sam, and realized I was exactly where I needed to be. A 26 year old man greeted me, saying he was Tony’s best friend, and gave me a vodka bottle, filled with what I thought was just orange juice. I never tasted alcohol so I didn’t realize that it was the weird taste I noticed in the orange juice and I drank the entire thing without really pausing, on an empty stomach. As soon as Tony came, several guys rushed greet him and I stood up and tried to walk towards him...and that vodka HIT me like a goddamn truck. I threw my body on him and he immediately knew I was drunk. He started asking me how I got drunk and what I had to drink and why I drank so much and repeatedly asked if I was okay. He sat down in my chair and placed me on his lap and fed me water, without making it obvious to people that I was really drunk. Drunk me appreciated the care and attention he gave me in that moment and, in combination with my first dry hump experience earlier, I was feeling really confident and in love. I whispered in his ear that I loved him and he whispered it back, then I started whispering about doing a bunch of sexual things with him and to him and rubbing my butt against him, without realizing that we were sitting in a circle of people passing around three blunts. I felt Sam looking at us a few times and I decided to look her dead in the eye after passionately kissing Tony. I felt like such a badass, so when Tony was hitting one of the blunts, I took it from his hands and took a good hit to celebrate my victories, and coughed my lungs out. When Tony was ready to leave, he drove my friend and I back to her house and, after I changed and wiped my make up off, her older sister dropped me off at my house. That was where things took off for me.

I managed to do a variation of this routine for the entire school year. My parents were convinced that I wasn’t depressed anymore, but being around his stable family so often made me resentful of mine and I always picked a fight with them, by criticizing the way they always dismissed me and ignored how badly my mental health was. Tony and his friends taught me how to roll a blunt and a joint and how to handle my liquor. I found solace in my pot head boyfriend and his unemployed adult friends, and I clung to him as my feelings got stronger. He suggested ecstasy as a remedy for my depression and, after taking it, I decided to stop self harming completely and I grew even more infatuated with him. In March, he was arrested for having an ounce of weed, a ziplock back with molly, and an entire sheet of acid wrapped in aluminum foil, in his locker. He wasn’t allowed to return to school until the next year and he had to take drug classes and attend meetings every day. After a month, he was allowed to take night classes so he wouldn’t fall behind on school. For some reason, I thought that WE were going through this tough time and I kept insisting that we were going to “get through this together”. It annoyed the shit out of him and he became really distant for the rest of the school year but I didn’t want to push him away even more, so I gave him space when he wanted it and I continued to hang out with his friends, do stage crew and hair and make up, and I even got casted in the spring musical. Over the summer, we periodically hung out, but it felt like we weren’t even dating. Whenever people asked about him, I would make up some lie about how he was doing better and I regularly saw him, as if our relationship wasn’t in limbo. I turned 15 and, towards the end of the summer, we started talking and seeing each other more and our relationship felt brand new. He wasn’t selling drugs anymore or smoking cigarettes, but he still smoked weed and such. My best friend, Keke, told me to break up with him after he got arrested, but I told her that she couldn’t possibly understand what I was going through. I told her that on our one year anniversary, I was going to have sex with him. She told me that I was an idiot for sticking with him and that letting him take my virginity was the dumbest thing I could do. Mind you, Keke lost her virginity before we even started high school, and she regularly smoked weed with her 35 year old mom, so I didn’t know why she had such an issue with me doing the same things.

When September came, and sophomore year started, I had a pixie cut, I developed my own style that I was confident in, and I got a new pair of glasses that looked just like Tony’s. I met him at his locker before the first class started and he was annoyed that I got glasses that looked like his. I asked him if he was still interested in stage crew and he said he wouldn’t want to do it if I planned on signing up too. I told him I was planning on auditioning for the play and I wasn’t just doing stage crew because of him. I didn’t want to give it up just because he believed I was only doing it for him, so I stuck with stage crew and I auditioned, and I got an understudy role. Keke continued to do stage crew with me also, even though she wasn’t interested in it, and I was planning to only talk to her and the others after Tony upset me, but our friendship wasn’t the same after we got into the argument where she called me an idiot. For some reason, Tony noticed that Keke and I weren’t talking and asked her why, but they were consistently having conversations and completely forgot about me. Whenever they were talking it was always at a distance where I couldn’t hear what they were saying and when I tried to enter one of their conversations, they would stop talking and look at me until I walked away. I told Tony what Keke said about breaking up with him and he told me that she was just being a good friend and, based on what she told him, I was a bitch to her. I told Keke that Tony thought I was copying him, and even though she knew I was just into stage crew and I just liked my glasses and they had nothing to do with him, she agreed that I was copying him and I told me I looked like a desperate, lost puppy and, based on what he told her, I turned him off.

The week prior to our one year anniversary, I messaged Keke and apologized for being insensitive. I begged her to help me prepare for my first time because I was really nervous and after sending her a dozen messages, she replied back, saying this:

“You have to stop. You can’t have sex with Tony and you have let it go. You weren’t being a bitch and I’m not mad at you. I just feel guilty and it’s really hard to be friends with you because of what I did. I don’t even know how to tell you this and I’m scared you’ll never talk to me again if I tell you.”

After assuring her that I wouldn’t cut her off, she confessed that her and Tony have been having sex since him and I first started dating. She admitted that she told me to break up with him because she was jealous and she called me an idiot because she couldn’t stand how much I trusted and loved her and Tony. She told Tony about my plan on our anniversary and he started pushing me away because he felt guilty too. He told her not to tell me the truth and that he was going to eventually break with me to be with her, but she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

THE REVENGE: I was in such shock, that all I could do was thank her for telling me the truth. I told her I needed space and I asked her not to tell Tony about our conversation at all. I didn’t tell her that I had a plan but I knew that virtue had no place in this situation. We proceeded to stay together and I acted like I didn’t know about him cheating on me. I gave him less attention than I normally did and he started coming to my locker instead and would text me first. It wasn’t obvious that I was mad or upset with him, but I really couldn’t stand to be around him or even pretend to. I would dodge his kissing without thinking and walking away without hugging him, so he knew something was up. I told him that I was acting weird because it bothered me that he thought I was copying him, and he felt so horrible. He spent the entire day apologizing, telling me that he loved me and that he was going to make up for it on our anniversary.

On our anniversary, I dressed up a bit and wore a black high waisted mini skirt and a black cropped Pink Floyd t-shirt and my classic high top converse. He came to my locker with a few sunflowers and was shook when he saw me. He told me that I looked as sexy as the day he met me. Our original plan was to have a picnic by the lake after school, then go to his house when his parents were out for bible study and have sex.

INSTEAD, I snuck outside during lunch to the student parked lot and keyed “CHEATER” on the hood of his car. I put on the dark purple lipstick I wore fairly often and left kisses on his side mirrors. I wrote “Fuck you, Manhoe!” on his rear window with the lipstick. I snuck back into school before lunch was over and I texted him and told him to meet me by the lake for our picnic, instead of coming to my locker. The lake is across the street from the student parking lot, so he would have to pass his car to get to the lake, which is exactly what I wanted. I told Keke to pretend to be confused if he accuses her of telling me the truth and she did exactly that. People were taking pictures of his car and sending them to me, asking me if I did it and I never admitted to being responsible. My brother sent me a picture of Tony’s car also and told me that he was proud of me. After Keke told me the truth, I asked his close friends if they knew and they were all shocked and pissed off and disappointed in him. I also asked them not to mention anything and told them I had a plan. One of his closest friends, Jerry*, who was 20 years old and practically Tony’s mentor, was the most upset. He knew how much I loved Tony and offered to listen to me if I ever wanted to talk and we ended up talking nonstop, about Tony, about personal things, about everything. He mentioned that he thought I was flawless and he was envious of Tony for finding me before him because he would have never fuck up a chance with me. I told him about my plan on Tony’s car and he loved how petty it was. Jerry offered to pick me up from school and take me out to eat to get my mind off of my one year anniversary with Tony, and after celebrating the success of my petty revenge over a meal together, he kissed me and invited me over to his house. Jerry knew I was a virgin and he asked me why I felt ready to lose my virginity to Tony. I explained to him that I was determined to have my first time with someone who I was in love with, but after Tony crushed me, I completely stopped caring about losing my virginity with someone I was in love with because doing so would set me up for heartbreak, regardless of who it’s with. After agreeing with me and telling me that I had a mature thought process, I kissed Jerry. I got on top of him and we ended up having sex. The next day, we did the same thing, and I had lunch and sex with him every day for two weeks until I found out he was engaged and blocked his number after his fiancée messaged me and threatened to end her life if I didn’t leave him alone.

After Tony saw his car on our anniversary, he took pictures of it and sent them to me. He asked me how I found out and if Keke told me about them and I pretended to be completely clueless and surprised, and so did Keke. He couldn’t figure out if I did it or if Keke did it and, when he realized we were both “confused” and upset when he accused us, he stopped trying to figure out who it was. Keke and I didn’t really get back to being friends, but I know she didn’t tell Tony that I was the one who fucked his car up because she was also heartbroken over him and she didn’t want him to think that he had a chance with her, so she let him believe that both of us were potentially responsible. She had no idea I was going to fuck his care up, but she did commend me for doing so. I broke up with him when he sent me pictures of his car and mentioned “Keke telling me about them”. He never admitted that he was sleeping with Keke, but I acted like I had no idea what he was talking about when he texted me and I kept asking him what he meant about “Keke telling me about them”, and I pretended to put two and two together, and told him that it was over if he didn’t explain himself, and he never did.

After he stopped selling drugs, a lot of people ghosted him and when he told his close friends about everything that happened, they told him that they already knew everything and that he was foolish for fucking things up with me. They also told him that Jerry and I were having sex (which is probably how Jerry’s fiancée found out). Tony eventually came clean and apologized to me for cheating on me and asked for another chance to be with me. I accepted his apology and declined his request to get back together. We haven’t talked since then and he still doesn’t know who fucked his car up. :-)

TD;LR: My first boyfriend cheated on me, with my best friend, the entire time we dated because I wasn’t ready to lose my virginity, so I fucked his car up and had sex with his best friend.

(source) story by (/u/cutebugsmallhands)