#my mom every 5 days: so have you found a place yet? :)
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reikunrei · 3 months ago
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nothing says love like my parents asking me questions that i’ve already given the answer to multiple times and still acting like it’s new information
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writingoddess1125 · 11 months ago
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Still Sexy?
Buggy x FemReader
⚠️ Warnings: ⚠️ Body Issues, Talk of Traumatic Birth, Sexual Themes.
Fluff at the end!
Click here to a magical place <-
Old Man Series <-
• You felt like a total dumpster fire- Staring at yourself in the mirror and looking over the 'damage' that had been done.
• And worse of all- You'd tore really badly while giving birth to your daughters and had to be stitched back up.
• It had been a rather traumatic experience for you.
• Being incredibly greatful for Buggy and your boys who helped so much after the birth since you weren't exactly up for the task quite yet.
• However that didnt mean things were great however. The quack doctor back at the village had decided to leave a lasting mark since he had stitched you a bit excessively..
• So you felt different inside and out-
• You and your family had gone back out to sea after 2 months- Deciding it was best to go back out. Now hitting the 5 month mark since your twin daughters births.
• You'd spent the time trying to be a good mom- Getting up for feeding, helping the boys and even pitching in with Buggy to help him get back into the swing of his pirating career.
• However you and him hadn't been Intimate.. at all.
• Mainly due to the fear he found you revolting in some aspect-
• So you slept in the baggiest pajamas, a pillow to your back or bust to keep yourself covered and whatever tactic you could to keep Buggy from even catching a glimpse of you-
• You hadn't really noticed but- buggy was getting fed up on not being able to see you. So he set his new flashy plan into motion.
• You had just gotten back from a bath, deciding to head down to the bedroom to get fresh clothes from the girls since you knew they probably needed to be changed soon. However stumbled on a rather interesting sight-
• Buggy laid on the bed, dressed the the nines facing you. The smell of apples in the air with the room done up just how you liked it.
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• "Why (Y/N)~ I see you've caught me here. Alone~" Buggy said, you noticing the bottles of your favorite wine and alcohol laid out.
• "Well yeah we share this room Bugs- Whats with the new costume?-" You point out, very clearly able to tell even in the candle lit room.
• "Oh just wanted to try out something flashy. You like?" You nodded, It was a nice looking costume.
• He stood up and showed you the outfit in all its glory-
• It reminded you of a bird trying to do a mating dance by showing off its feathers and flashy colors-
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• "Its lovely- I actually just came down here to grab clothes for the girls and get them changed"
• "I have Cabaji watching the kids with Alvida they have all beed fed and in fresh clothes-" Buggy said calmly.
• "Oh well I can go get the two of us di-"
• "I brought us dinner-" He said quickly pulling up a full cart of your favorite foods there.
• A bubbling of anxiety hitting your chest at this, worried now over why he was doing this all-
• "Welllll if there is nothing here for me to help with then I'll just head back up to the deck and we can go over your map-"
• "FOR FUCKS SAKE (Y/N) I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!-" He blurted out.
• His face turning as red as your owns as there was a moment of silence in the room. The feeling of total confusion hitting your nervous system.
• "You.. Want to sleep with me?-" You questioned, Buggy nodding his head quickly.
• "But why? I look like this-" You gesture to yourself, still in the way to baggy clothes and soap scent hanging over you from your bath.
• "Like A Goddess herself? Fuck yeah I want to! I've been taking cold showers for months! I even put my dick in a box so I didn't walk around full tenting all day or poking you at night!" He admitted red in the face.
• "You put your dick in a box?-"
• "That's besides the point! I've wanted you for months now. Youre just so sexy to me in every way- I just wanted to give you space to heal up.. I know the birth has been hard on you and all.." He rubbed the back of his neck as he stepped closer to you.
• You felt tears welling up at his sincerity as he got closer to you wrapping his arms around your waist.
• "I just- I feel so damn ugly! My body feels like a foreign land- The weight, the stretch marks, my boobs! It is all so different from before and I don't know how to handle it- I-I didn't want you to be disgusted by me" You admit as tears ran down your cheeks and Buggys gloved hands started to wipe them away frantically.
• "What? No No- I'd never thing that! Your beautiful and- Honestly I was just worried you weren't interested either.. I mean I have but on a bit of Dad weight myself but I don't think you look bad, You've had 4 fucking kids!"
• You couldn't disagree honestly- Maybe you were a bit hard on yourself. You did push out 4 kids.. that and you hadn't even noticed Buggy had put on weight either!
• "And well- If you feel that way about your body.. Why don't we explore it together? I'm a great navigator afterall" He joked lightly, carressing yojr cheek- wanting you to smile desperately
• This managing to pull a giggle from you, Buggy smiling at this as he cuddled you close.
• You leaning into his touch with a happy sigh, while you still felt anxious.. it was better? Like you had someone there to battle it with you..
• You Weren't Alone
• "Well, Why don't we take it slow like before?- Till we both know how to go about it?" You said shyly, Blushing at just how excited he was at this as he nodded.
• "Of course Doll, we can take it as slow or fast as you need it. You're my wife afterall so you control" He says with a Goofy grin as he leaned you towards the bed and going in for a kiss.
• "When did I get upgraded to wife?"
• "....Did I never propose?-" He said confused blinking at you confused. You chuckling and shaking your head no-
• "FOR FUCK SAKES-!" He yelled, his hands floating away to his vanity as it rapidly digs through it and floats back to you quickly.
• He quickly took your hand and slid the simple ring on your finger.
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• You remembered this ring- He had once showed it to the boys. It was the first piece of treasure he'd ever gotten as a Pirate Appreciate, gifted to him by his Captian Gol D Roger's.
• "There- Now you're my wife"
• You stared at your hand and the ring on your finger, before giggling at this. Nodding as you kissed his cheeks, a flush of feeling hitting your chest.
• "Yes then- Let's fuck as Husband and Wife then~" You say Leaning into his excited touch.
• "HELL YEAH!!" He said with a crazed laugh. You only able to give a squealing laugh as Buggy tackled you onto the bed with a gleeful laugh.
Bonus-
Cabaji was in hell- He was holding Ari who was making it her mission to grab his hair to pull on it. Bee and Dee who were running around in their newly built bedroom on the other wing of the ship and he had to keep them from pushing each other off their respective bunk beds.
"Don't pull your brothers hair!" Cabaji yelled, Dee letting go of Bee who fell face first on the ground. Bee pausing for a moment as he heard tapping that seemed to echo down the hall-
"Why does it sound like someone is knocking?" Bee asked, Cabaji flinching at his words as did Alvida who tried to hold back a laugh while rocking Ali.
"Don't worry about it kid-" Cabaji said softly as he turned up the Record player that was playing a lullaby to hopefully get the kids to wind down. The man gave a heavy sigh to keep the sound of what he assumed what your and Buggys rekindling relationship at bay.
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poughkeepsies · 2 years ago
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Not to make this 1000 times worse for everyone but actually, 614 and 615 were the episodes for both Buck and Eddie mutually rejecting each other and the other's place in their lives by implying that they are lacking in the area that is the other's love language. Lemme see if I can hold my pieces together long enough to explain.
614 with Eddie rejecting Buck was much more subtle and didn't show a reaction from Buck beyond general jealousy because I fully believe that Buck doesn't know he's in love with Eddie, because he never even allowed himself to consider it as an option. He is too petrified of people leaving and too incapable of accepting that he can be loved to ever put himself in a position to hope for something that has the potential to devastate him so thoroughly. But whether he knows he's in love with Eddie or not, over the past 5 seasons he has thrown himself completely and utterly head-first into being there for Eddie and Christopher, being their best friend and their safe place. He exists as a part of their lives that no one but Shannon has ever even come close to occupying. Buck doesn't do grand declarations like Eddie does, but he shows his love through quality time and acts of service and all of that boils down to making sure the Diaz boys are never, ever alone. And yet, just last episode Eddie decided that he wants to start dating because he doesn't want to be "alone" anymore. Eddie is scared of dying alone when Buck has proven time and time again that there is no mess, battlefield, or locked door that could keep him from Eddie if he's ever in danger. So if Eddie is still feeling alone, still scared of dying alone, then maybe the kind of partnership and presence Buck brings to their lives simply isn't what Eddie is looking for, at least in a romantic sense. Even if he isn't aware of his feelings yet, even subconsciously Buck would take that as a door closing in his face before he even had the chance to knock. And so continues the pattern of Eddie jumping back into the dating game and Buck diving in seconds after him.
Now, of course, Eddie isn't saying that because Buck isn't enough. Buck is everything he wants or needs in a partner, but that scares him because Eddie is aware of his feelings and that makes him so acutely aware of the fact that Buck will find someone else to settle down with and start his own family with any day now, and when that happens Eddie really will be well and truly alone. He can't break his own heart, he needs to start being proactive because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life alone after Buck has moved on.
And in 615, when Buck says that Natalia really sees him, he's discounting the way Eddie has always unspokenly expressed his love for him. Because maybe Eddie hasn't ever used those exact words before, but every one of his major declarations, including "there's no one in this world I trust with my son more than you" (THE TO BE SEEN, TO BE FOUND SCENE?? HELLO???), "I love him enough to never stop trying and I know you do too", "I forgive you", "I know", "It's in my will if I die you become Christopher's legal guardian", and especially "you act like you're expendable, but you're wrong", have been just another way of Eddie telling him I see you for all that you are and I love you for it. The expandability line is a particularly unsubtle standout because it's absolutely paralleled with both Taylor and Margaret telling Buck "you think you're invincible but you're wrong," and there Eddie was again, paired against Buck's mom and his girlfriend, two of the people who should know him and love him the best and yet just don't. And oh shit I'm realizing this just as I'm typing this but Eddie is yet again being paralleled against Buck's mom and his girlfriend (the girlfriend now being Natalia). In 6x10 when Margaret calls him a "miracle baby" and the way Natalia gushes about his death - Buck's death and his birth, two of the most traumatic things that have ever happened to him and Buck is someone who so desperately wants everything to be okay, wants the trauma to have some grand meaning, so he takes the out and takes the win and he lets them let him hide behind the superficial positive bullshit. But Eddie, Eddie sees Buck and Eddie knows him and loves him enough that he can tell just how not okay all of this is, not just for Buck but for all the rest of the people who love him as well, and he doesn't want him to hide away from it because Buck shouldn't have to pretend to be unchanged but he should acknowledge the way he's changed. Eddie is seeing Buck more than Buck can handle being seen right now and Buck is unconsciously rejecting it by placing preference over the way Natalia sees him. Except to an Eddie who is already convinced Buck doesn't feel the same, who is so scared of being alone after Buck has moved on, this feels like just another way he won't be enough for Buck and the time when he'll really well and truly be alone is more and more drawing near. There's even something to be said about the fact that we see Eddie visibly realize just how much Buck has been affected as he's talking - the fact that he's realizing this so late may be making him even more sure of his inadequacy.
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bsverryin · 1 year ago
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Secret relationship with Alhaitham, but he's jealous.
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Hype extroverted reader X Alhaitham
; no warnings(some cuss words), probably not angst just wholesome & HEAD CANNONS ONLY !!
;I'm new to tumblr (not rly!) 😔 I just wanted to express my writing and I CANNOT ASSURE you a perfect grammar yeah, I'm keeping everything simple I'm not good at this ahhaha please bear with me
(DMS are open)
ALHAITHAM is a busy person, everybody knows that and you know it either. To maintain a great relationship with him you have to respect his time and work.
YOU on the other side, is the most available person to hangout with. Your schedules aren't hectic and all you do is help around the city hall, wherein everybody befriends you. Asks for your help all the time, You have a vision which is why it wasn't that hard for you to help others in need. Well sometimes you just have no choice and accept all the unnecessary commissions that were thrown for you.
"Come on Kathryn! You can't make me babysit a child for my commission! I just finished fighting those monsters and my final commission is to babysit??" You sighed as if you had no choice but to accept the most unnecessary commissions that you ever had.
"It's the only commission left, well then I wish you well." Kathryn said, as you went off to the place where you had to babysit a child.
FEW MINUTES had passed you were at a public place yet the child you were babysitting kept bugging you and asking if you're his mom. He wasn't a baby he looked like he was around 5 or 6 years old, he looked like every child that you see in your everyday life around sumeru.
"I'm not your mom, little child." His stares had darkened and was about to throw a fit, but suddenly a man with gray hair came. He didn't look like a local sumeru man for you. He was good looking, really good looking.
You shook your head and removed your own thoughts from flowing even more, but the young kid you were babysitting was getting mad and mad asking if you're his mother, but because of your naughty mind you decided to tell a joke to a kid.
"Hey child, if I'm your mother then that man right there has to be your father!" You chuckled while pointing out the man who had a gray hair, the child unexpectedly ran after the man who you just pointed out while screaming the word 'FATHER'. you realized you fucked up and let your naughty thoughts win.
'Oops, I should've known that young children don't know what being sarcastic is..'
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That was the first time you met the busiest man, Alhaitham.
If you're wondering how the babysitting ended up, hmm you can say it did end well, because you're dating the gray haired man who was really good looking. You found out sooner that he was an acting grand sage, alhaitham. But you were lucky enough that he liked you and that you started dating months later, but it wasn't that easy. He was a strict person and he hurt you with his words most of the time before you started dating of course.
But now he just showers you with sweet words, but you know he can't shower you with his full attention. You can't live in the same house as him, you can't hold your hands together when going outside, you can't be lovey-dovey touchy clingy with him but he wasn't mad at all when you shower him with so much affection and too much physical touch he just got used to it.
He still did want to keep your relationship private and secret at all times just because he wanted to protect you, you told him a lot of times that you didn't need that much 'protection' because you can stand at your own feet but oh archons he was just so protective of you, the only time you can meet him alone is when you visit him at the akademiya , everybody knew that you were just his guest and nothing more then there's where you'll be all lovey-dovey because he has his own office. Sometimes you stay for hours sometimes the whole day because you just love him and when he looks at you. You knew he felt the same way too.
At the public when you both see each other, he just takes so many glances at you while you were out there talking to everyone, you were the extroverted type that likes to socialize with just anyone you met or see. One of the reasons why he liked you was because you have the energy that makes him feel energized and cheered up at all times.
YOU felt his stare while you were talking to a man you just met around the sumeru, he was a few meters away but you can FEEL it all.
"Aww really!? It's your first time here then I shall help you to get used to sumeru? What do you think?" You said the words enthusiastically. You smiled at the man you were talking to, the man you were talking to felt really shy and blushed when he heard your offer.
ALHAITHAM on the other hand was annoyed, really annoyed listening to your conversation with the man. He wanted to take your hand and run away and kiss you but he remembered you're keeping the relationship private and secret from everyone.
The man you were talking to was about to speak when you heard alhaitham's voice beside you.
"I apologize for being disruptive, but I don't see a reason why you should accompany this man around Sumeru; I can send an akademiya scholar to accompany this man instead of you." He said in the middle of your conversation
He was definitely jealous! You can feel his glare as if he was about to kill that man you were talking to but you gave him a small smile and turned to look at the man.
"I- umm.. alright sir! Sure I want that." The man said shyly as he looked down, he couldn't look at anyone but the floor.
The man now went with an akademiya scholar to go around the sumeru and you were in public with Alhaitham ALONE for the first time.
"Hmp!, I wanted to stroll around the sumeru." You said with a little disappointment when he took the man away.
"Then let's do that." He said with a sigh then looked at you straight in your eyes. You can feel him looking at your soul.
"you're not busy?" You said excitedly while grabbing his hands, completely forgetting about the fact that you are in a public place.
"Never for you." Finally, he took your hand and gave a small little smile while walking around the sumeru.
It was your first time holding hands in public and after that rumors started spreading that you're dating the acting grand sage, which you both didn't deny. You feel much happier now that there's no need to hide what you both had.
It's a normal day and you're spending time together at his big office while you're reading books and he's busy working his ass off but it was more than enough for you, you felt at serenity and assured knowing you can kiss,hold his hand and be touchy anytime, anywhere you can !
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cloveroctobers · 11 months ago
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DECEMBER PROMPTS 🧊 — 2. EVAN BUCKLEY
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A/N: spoke it into existence and we get to see the 118 in just a few months! Too excited but disappointed about station 19. Anyways…here’s something fun??? and a little more my speed for the holidays.
PROMPT IS FROM HERE + I’m using: 20.) Caught Under the Mistletoe (teasing, shy, “It’s tradition”)
Synopsis: in which a moody reader wishes they could spend the holidays elsewhere and away from “the most wonderful time of the year,”…until Buck decides to walk through their childhood home.
WARNINGS: reader isn’t a Christmas lover by any means + going through a breakup—10 points for you if you can place the connection, language, family resentment & use of y/n + also gender-neutral friendly!
*GIF BELONGS TO @fireladybuckley !!!
❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩
There were a combination of things that irritated you and Christmas happened to be one of them. Your family was one of those families that happened to be obsessed with Christmas and any sort of gathering, always have been and probably always will be—until they leave this earth. They were the neighbors that were welcoming to any and everyone and encouraged people to come on over with any shindig they threw. Unfortunately for you, you got stuck with attending this Christmas gathering because you moved back to Rhode Island right after you quit being a firefighter.
It was still a topic of many gossiping conversations with your mom’s “good friend,” deciding to bring it up in the living room, “y/n, do you ever want to be married? When are you going to start having a family of your own? Surely you must have found someone in sunny LA?”
Little did she know you did and in Chicago. You were surprised your mother took your boundaries into consideration when sharing certain information to her good friend…or did she know and was simply trying to get a rise out of you? Miriam was “good” at doing that.
You never liked Miriam, sorry not sorry. Mainly because she always had a opinion and liked to compare you to your older siblings. Your older brother was finally engaged to his long time girlfriend who had a face of a model, worked for a successful tech company, while also being a composer on the side and always had a good head on his shoulders. Then the middle child, your older sister was pregnant with twins and recently stepped down from being a pilot after almost fifteen years; was always the charmer and “favorite” according to friends of the family.
“I’ll start as soon as you stop scamming the elderly into marrying you so you can collect a check after they pass,” you smiled sweetly at Miriam, who’s mouth dropped and your older sister fought back a snicker from beside you in the sitting room, “I’m going to get a refill.”
You were just thankful your mother wasn’t near to hear this but you were sure with the snitch she called a best friend, she would repeat it and you would get a earful at some point tonight. Nonetheless you received a wink from your god-father and dad’s best friend up ahead, who was the designated pianist of the night and just finished up a tune by Nat King Cole.
Judah, your godfather was always lending a ear to listen since you were young and it seemed to still be the same sentiment more than your own parents but! That’s a different story for another day. You had to relish in the overload of wreaths that decorated every cabinet in your childhood kitchen, lightly scoffing and shaking your head as you filled up the flute with more champagne.
Sure you didn’t want to spend the holidays sulking but it only seemed to kick in more once people always felt the need to butt into your life. They didn’t speak on your accomplishments because it was never deemed as good enough, it was always a rule to follow into your family’s footsteps. Your mom’s a respectable elementary school teacher who hosts book clubs on Sunday’s with once strangers turned friends, your dad builds sailboats and is heavy involved in charity work and not just to say he did it but because of his own tough upbringing, your brother’s traveling all over the world due to his craft of being a composer and is so in love with his soon to be wife Alani, who’s also involved in building medical centers for poor communities—not just on her native land of Hawaii but countries as well, and your sister always knows just what to say to any and everyone, she’s so likable and building her family with a great guy, who isn’t just putting on for the cameras since he happens to be a well-known athlete.
Then there’s you…the sibling that’s just floating through life at thirty-one years old. Back at home with their parents after giving up a job that you thought you saw yourself doing up until retirement. Your head’s always been in the clouds but when your eyes were set on something you weren’t ever afraid to give it a try. Thats exactly what you did choosing to go to the academy out in California and worked your ass off to be a firefighter. You weren’t a fan of what people said after your severe injury…you just wanted to move on and always felt like you would be a firefighter at heart no matter what.
Most didn’t get that and it wasn’t okay with you but that didn’t stop you from putting one finger in the air.
Life will always lead you places and Rhode Island wasn’t your first choice but it was your best choice with the way the world shifts. Which is why you just wanted to get this holiday over with so it didn’t feel like you were constantly sinking from the inside out. The pretty lights, delicious eats, spending time with family, and finding joy was supposed to be a given but instead you were just ready to kick this year to the fucking curb for good.
If anyone asked you, New Years was way better because you can always start over especially if the year prior was not it for you. However one good thing came out of this year, you were one step closer to getting that home in New Mexico.
It took drumming on the counter to bring you out of your thoughts, making you snap your eyes at your brother who had a wicked grin on his round face. After pulling a face, you side eyed him, “what, Marcus?”
“Is that anyway to talk to your big brother?” He leaned against the counter, at pure ease.
Sipping at the flute, the bubbly went down nicely before you popped your tongue at the after taste then you responded, “what did you do?”
The thirty-seven year old sighs, “I didn’t do anything but you might want to send that energy to Larissa.”
Quickly glancing over your shoulder, you craned your neck to see back into the sitting room but couldn’t see your very pregnant sister anywhere. Shrugging your shoulders you turn back to the amusement on your brother’s face, “I don’t see her anywhere, so stop with the games and just spill.”
The both of you turned to the new voice that enters the kitchen from the left, “There you are! Look who I’ve found outside.”
If there was one person you wanted to push into the fireplace, now make it two, meaning you adding your sister to that list. Your eyes burned into her pretty beaming smile as she lightly jabbed a thumb in Evan Buckley’s direction. From behind them you spotted your brother-in-law, Kheri ready to enter the kitchen from the same opposite end but abruptly stopped as he easily picked up on what was happening and spun back around, hoping not to be seen by Larissa.
“Uh hey, y/n.” Evan awkwardly waved in your direction before you clenched your eyes shut and deeply exhaled.
Marcus whispers from your right, “that’s what.”
“I got it, Mark.” You hissed while he raised his hands in surrender, letting out a low whistle that sounded just perfect.
Evan glanced back and forth between the siblings, frowning, “I’m getting the sense that you were blindsided about me coming.”
A cackle bubbled past your lips while Larissa bounced on her toes, “I may have forgotten to mention it but when a party is going on…you just get wrapped up in so many other things.”
Evan nodded his head at this but he didn’t entirely believe that.
“Bullshit,” Marcus coughed out before smiling at Evan.
Larissa added, “I thought that you would be happy to see a friendly face here, y/n. I mean—you hate everyone else so…voila! You’re welcome.”
You declared, “If you weren’t pregnant with my nephews, I might just beat your ass to sleep with a lump of coal.”
“Hot coal or cold?” Larissa hummed, tapping her dimpled chin.
You scoffed, “I’d let you pick bitch.”
“How sweet,” Larissa winked as she turned back to pat Evan on the shoulder, “as you can see, this is a loving household and you’re only going to make it better for my dear sibling. So thank you so much for coming, Evan Buckley.”
Evan tilted his head to the side at this whole interaction, breathing out a laugh, “well…you kinda bullied me to so…”
“Oh is that how the conversation went down?” Marcus shoved some chips into his mouth, ignoring the glare you sent him.
“But,” Evan added, “I wanted to be here, it was the right thing to do and I missed you guys. Not really the east coast since it’s pretty damn cold here, man i keep forgetting that but it’s always nice to see a white Christmas and some faces that feel like home you know?”
Larissa placed her hand on her chest, “now wasn’t that beautiful, y/n?”
“So beautiful that I almost want to vomit on you, Larissa.” You coo at the Bob-wearing woman while Marcus continues watching this match.
Larissa scowled, “stop being a Scrooge and just be glad that Otis was busy.”
*Jazz music stops playing*
“What?” You gritted at the mention of your recent breakup.
Flights out to Chicago tended to get pricer and tricker during the whole pandemic but lucky for you, you managed your money much better now.
“Wrong thing to say,” Marcus mumbles, seeming to be the only one in the room that was aware that this was a touchy subject.
Swallowing you turned to the eldest in the room, “Did you know about that too, Mark?”
Marcus sighs, “I was there for that conversation yes…but I didn’t think Rissa was serious about Buckley after the call with Otis didn’t exactly work out.”
You couldn’t grasp why they—Larissa would think it would be okay to go behind your back and call Otis in the first place?!
“Is this what you’re gonna be like now, Ris? Trying to mold my love life and be in my business because you’re too bored with motherhood?” You snapped at the thirty-five year old who looked taken aback.
Larissa slowly speaks, “woow! That was kinda hurtful…I was just trying to do something nice because you always get like this around this time of the year and I figured a person you deeply adore would cheer you up but obviously I was wrong.”
Deeply adore felt like another stab to you.
Holding your hands out, you say enough just by that action which makes Larissa roll her eyes. She turns to the sea eye colored man and says, “Good luck with that one, the sticks pretty far up their ass this evening.”
Laughing to yourself, you don’t bother watching your sister leave the kitchen and turn back to the fridge in search of the desserts instead.
“Well…that was not as entertaining as I would have liked but you know that comment wasn’t cool right?” Marcus says while you send him a middle finger from inside the fridge, “noted but you better be over this damn attitude by the morning.”
Here you are in your thirties and you still had your brother thinking he can boss you around.
He says a few words to Buck and once the coast is clear, you spin back around to place the fruitcake on the large island counter. Just staring at the dessert makes you further nauseous and you motion with your eyes, “want a slice?”
“…only if you’ll join me?” Evan sucks air through his teeth, trying to put on a smile although it was more of a grimace.
You snicker, “don’t say what you think I want to hear. I wouldn’t feed this to Dudley.”
Evan begins to look around at the mention of the old bloodhound, “no way! He’s still alive?”
“Very much and probably sticking up the house somewhere away from everyone,” you laugh at the thought of the gassy dog as you pick up the cake, analyzing it in disgust before making your way to the garbage.
Evan nodded, “Ah so like it’s owner?”
“Watch it Buckley,” you wag a finger at him, “you just got here and you’re already talking shit to me?”
“I thought that’s what friends are for?” He shows off his laughter lines before taking a seat on one of the the bar stools, while you glanced at the flute and expensive champagne bottle before choosing the bottle it’s self, “…I would ask how’ve you been but I don’t know what kind of answer I’m going to get.”
Shrugging your shoulders you take a swing from the bottle and go into a two step as, “Holly Jolly Christmas,” beings to play making Buck shake his head at you playfully, “just jolly can’t you tell? I mean we haven’t spoken in months since I left LA—
“Right,” Buck agreed, “I wanted to give you some space and I thought I was being a good friend giving you that, although there were plenty of times where I just wanted to hear your voice.”
You snort, “don’t get mushy on me, Ev.”
Evan sighs, “and you ghosted me a few times.”
“Out of the respect of your relationship with Taylor—
“You didn’t even like Taylor or Abby?” Evan frowns, “and that was before we decided to give each other a try and with you debating about quitting after what happened at the parking garage.”
Long story short: you were at the 118 six months before Evan Buckley ends up walking through the doors. At the beginning you had everyone fooled with the way you gave him the cold shoulder in the beginning, as if your mothers weren’t the best of friends and you didn’t alternate summers between Rhode Island and Pennsylvania. You were forced to be friends but it’s not ever something you truly regretted. It’s like Toy Story, you had a friend in Buck and that was something you were thankful for. The both of you bonded over just being in the moment and while he was more impulsive than you, you found your footing just a bit earlier than he did.
You went to California as soon as you reached eighteen and fell in love with it that you didn’t ever want to come back. You didnt have dreams of being a firefighter but you were always passionate about having a positive impact on someone’s lives and fighting fires didn’t sound so bad. By the time you came back after visiting and being forced to go to the community college for half a semester, you withdrew and left without a word. It took a shared phone call from Buck and Maddie to get you to answer, with Maddie pleading with you just to call your parents whereas Buck encouraged you to keep going.
Shortly after, he was traveling around the world and sending you postcards too. Evan was always just your friend that you spent summers with then holidays and then birthdays to speaking on AIM if not every day then every other day. It was clear that the both of you were meant to be in each others lives…until you made the terrible decision to catch feelings. Out of all of the years that you’ve known this guy, you just had to feel a way—despite him fooling around on the job, which you tore into him more than bobby did. From random hook ups to potentially serious relationships—that you never agreed with, you just had to do it and you were stubborn and fought it for so long.
Having your face almost crushed by concrete would do it to you. You didn’t know if you were going to make it, that was your real taste of death—although you got hurt on the job before this was the one that really had you questioning everything. The team outside of the parking garage tried to keep Buck from getting to you but if there’s a will, there’s a way. You tried to blame it on the partially crushed skull once Buck brought it back up at not the best timing—after physical therapy but he was firm and stood on the words shared.
He broke up with Taylor, you told him to give it time and if he truly still felt the same months later, you’d give it a go. He respected that and once you were back to normal as you can be, it happened and it was short lived because you didn’t take the topic of marriage with him seriously. And it had nothing to do with what he thought.
Evan Buckley was always good enough, if not more.
“It was better getting used to the idea of not being in each others lives.” Was what you went with.
Evan pressed his arms onto the counter, “what do you mean?”
Sipping from the bottle again you state, “you must have felt the same way I felt when I got the news that you were struck. Like time is only temporary. We’ve known each other since we were what? Fourteen-fifteen? And sure that feels like forever but it really just means it starts over.”
Evan stares at you from underneath his eyelashes, “so…declining our friendship was the better answer for you?”
“Oh I’d think we’d always be friends…even if there’s distance.”
“That you created.” Evan points out, “I didn’t think you believed in alternate universes.”
You swallow, “I didn’t, until you told me what it was like in that coma.”
“Then you left…to be with Otis.” Evan fills in the blanks while wiggling his eyebrows which makes you scoff, “want to talk about it?”
You blink, “I just told my sister to mind her business…do you want me to deliver the same thing? Let’s catch up and focus on you…I’m surprised you’re not in PA.”
“I let Maddie and chim deal with that.” Evan says, “Christmas Eve was enough for me and poor Jee, I should have taken her with me.”
Resting your chin against the palm of your hand you say, “that bad huh?”
“Ah the usual. You know how parents can be,” Evan chats, “they’re really pushing to meet Natalia.”
Squinting you try to recall the name as Evan informs, “right…uh someone I met on the scene. She’s a death doula.”
“A what?”
“Someone who helps people who are facing death find peace with it. Like the good version of what a hospice is supposed to be.” Buck tells, coming to terms that there has been gaps in what they should know, yet this was what you wanted apparently.
Tapping against the glass you say, “and she’s your…girlfriend?”
“Well, yeah.” Buck smiles a bit while you hum, taking a swing from the bottle, “what was that response?”
You shrug, “just surprised your parents would want to meet her…does Maddie like her?”
“She doesn’t not not like her.” Evan frowned.
“How long have you been dating?”
“Not long…uh what’re you getting at?”
“Look, I don’t know her and I’m not going to further rain on anybody’s parade but just be careful. Take your time you know?”
Evan scratches at his birth mark above his brow and huffs, “thought you were a big believer in time not lasting forever and starting over…That’s what I’m doing.”
Nodding your head you say, “I’m not judging you.”
“Good because my plan wasn’t to argue with you here at your childhood home in the kitchen on Christmas.” Buck tells as he takes in the decor, “We can hash anything else out at a later date because it’s the most wonderful time of the year right? I’m here until the 31st by the way.”
“When exactly did you drop in?”
“The 21st.”
“Oh you’re staying for awhile.”
“I think I should.” He waved his hand for the bottle which he takes a swing at and lets out a deep burp, excusing himself with a grin after you scrunch up your nose.
Snatching the bottle back you leave it unattended as you peek through the trays of food, thinking about another round since the preview of desserts were lackluster.
“Huh,” Buck says now peering above his head, “when did that get up there?”
Turning you attention back to a old friend in the maroon sweater, you follow his gaze to the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling above his head. “Which one of your siblings pulled this one?”
“Don’t think that was their doing honestly,” you reputed, “feels very traditional and something my dad would do.”
Evan thinks about it and seems to agree, remembering how affectionate the man tended to be back then. “Well…it’s tradition and we shouldn’t break it.”
“Don’t know if you notice Ev, I thought the all black attire would be a giveaway but I simply do not care about this holiday.”
“I’ve noticed—
“And didn’t you just say you have a girlfriend? I can kiss anybody else and tend to very soon.” You almost went into a daydream state of the all the possible contenders you’d lock lips with in just a few days.
“True but who are you going to find that’s as gorgeous as me?” Buck challenged as he placed a hand on his chest.
“Did Eddie fly in with you guys?”
“That’s not funny.”
“So you cross the line at your work husband but not nat the death doula?” You quizzed the tousled haired man.
“Why are you giving her a whole title like that?”
“It’s Natalia’s profession…?”
“Yeah but nobody calls you: y/n the retired firefighter turned air traffic controller.”
“You don’t know that and you just did.”
Buck felt his eye twitch, “I was giving an example!”
“Hey, inside voices! The singing and music is loud enough. Not to mention the carolers that will be here by eight and will probably give me nightmares tonight—
Evan shakes his head, “no I don’t think you understand. We have to kiss or else it’s going to bring bad luck in our love lives for who knows how long and I could really use a consistent love and what better person to do that with than you.”
One thing about Buck, he was a thousand percent superstitious but that wouldn’t stop you from poking fun.
“Evan Matthias Buckley…are you flirting with me?” You tease as you caress the counter while slowly make your way around the island.
The man appears almost shy now as you grip his face, taking in the features you’ve come to known and appreciate. Evan was still him regardless of the miles you put in between each other. With his hands now on your waist you enjoyed the moment because face it, it was always nice to be held, so you stared into his eyes for a moment and then his tulip tinted lips.
Lips that you didn’t mind on yours or anywhere on your body once upon a time…until you self sabotaged. You could have married evan and would have in a heartbeat but you also felt marriage wasn’t for you. You didn’t want to fuck that up just like you did everything else.
And that wasn’t really true, that’s just the bad parts of your brain getting in the way but you were working it out in therapy. However a smile was on your lips now that you pressed your forehead to the man that’s seen all sides to you before and you could have sworn Evan was holding his breath, just wondering how this would work.
Yet he was the one insisting that they share a kiss!
Caressing the scruff that was along his jaw, you lightly pinched his face, holding him in place as you put a lingering kiss right beside the corner of his lips. The deflation was evident and you didn’t know whether to take that as relief or disappointment but Evan pulled you into a hug filled with warmth anyway.
Which you welcomed, arms locked around his broad shoulders before resting a hand on the back of his head. He squeezed you just right and if you wanted to be in your soft era tonight, you may have shed a tear but pushing that to the side felt better for now. It’s been awhile but you didn’t want to cross that line especially if things were serious with Natalia.
Evan didn’t know about Otis or how you were battling moving on from that but he’ll take what he can get from you. Whenever you were ready then he’d always be around and that’s something he wanted to remind you of but being here with you on this holiday—even if you were being a complete grinch about it! felt like he made the right decision.
“You know Ev Bev,” you started as you pulled back but kept your hands locked around his shoulders, “has anyone ever told you that you reek of spruce?
Evan blinks, “no one’s ever told me I smell like a tree before…but considering the job? I’m not offended.”
“Well I am. You’re supposed to boycott all things Christmas with me if you still consider yourself my bestie,” you shook your head in sorrow.
You’re ready to untangle yourself but Evan just tightens his arms around you, leaning forward to get a whiff of you, “and you smell like fruitcake.”
Faux gagging gets Evan to widen his eyes and loosen his grip, “don’t make me sick—
“I think that’s enough champagne for you.”
“You’re right, it has my toes buzzing but I can definitely go for something stronger which my parents don’t have but I’ll sneak out before the Carolers get here to get some.”
“Or…you can find the true beauty in Christmas that doesn’t have anything to do with alcohol.” Evan offered while you gave him a unimpressed stare, “maybe next year then?”
“Oh I plan to as soon as the new year hits and I get some answers.” You unravel yourself from him and move to take a seat on the other velvet stool.
Evan holds his hands out, “…care to elaborate?”
“Sure, why the hell not? After spending too much time here and becoming financially stable, I’ve finally decided to buy a house.” You give jazz hands.
“That’s fantastic news!” Evan perks up, “Wait…does anybody else know?”
“Nope, just you my friend.” You sigh, “I should know if they accepted my offer by the 29th the realtor says but can expect some delays based on the stupid holidays so…fingers crossed.”
Evan snickers, “then that’s something to celebrate and I’m sure your family will be happy for you.”
“Maybe, maybe not. My decisions are always based on selfishness apparently.” You fold your hands, “I know the first thing that’s going to be said and then comes the guilt tripping but I don’t want to be in this place anymore. I’ve been here a good portion of my life and had to come back because the world decided to go apocalyptic. I’m tired of feeling stuck and New Mexico can be the freedom I’ve always been searching for.”
Evan took in your words carefully. He knew you weren’t always this down but stepping away as a firefighter definitely triggered that and the old childhood insecurities resurfaced living here again although you tried to bury them. He’s been around the world while your family tried to keep you sheltered—even into your adulthood, you were always the one who wanted something different than them. Evan saw that the first day he met you and instantly took a liking to you, although it took more convincing on your end. New Mexico was far from Rhode Island but not too bad from Los Angeles.
“It will be and we’ll make the best of it.” Evan squeezed the tension from between your shoulder blades.
Looking at him you echo, “we?”
“Do you really think you can keep hiding from me? Now that you let me back in, you’re not getting rid of me again.” Evan grinned in excitement while you groaned, “We have a house to plan for, like when’s the expected move in date when you’re approved?”
You shrugged, “realtor man Danny didn’t tell me that exactly but if I had to guess, probably sometime in February.”
“That works,” Evan nods, “if it falls around Maddie’s birthday I might just suggest New Mexico.” He winks at you while you scoff.
“Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun? Who’s to say I’d even give you my address?”
Despite saying this you knew Buck would always find a way and it’s not something you were truly against. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss seeing him around but ultimately that was your choice.
“Ouch, that’s no way to treat the guy that’s had your back since we were kids and is about to make you a mean peppermint mocha.” Evan says in a sing song tone as he drums on the table before sliding down from the chair.
Tilting your head at the thought you reply, “will it be spiked?”
Evan shakes his head as he makes his way over to the espresso machine, “I’m trying to save your liver so that’ll be a negative.”
“Boooo! Buck sucks more than Santa! Tomato, tomato.” You gave a thumbs down as Evan chuckles to himself.
Buck was attempting to bring you holiday cheer, you could feel yourself sort of exhaling as you watched him move around the kitchen. Whenever Evan was around, it usually felt like putting the negative on pause because you tended to forget about it for awhile thanks to his infectious spirit.
“Are you two playing nice?” The voice of your brother, Mark fills the room as he enters the kitchen once more and now holding the hand of his fiancée, Alani who teasingly scrunches her nose up with a smile at you two.
Throwing your head back, you sigh, “as nice as I can be, Marcus.”
“That’s not saying much,” he goes to elbow Buck jokingly, who nods with a shrug.
Alani takes the seat beside you, “so…what we really want to know is, did you guys share a kiss and decide to fall deeply in love with each other?”
“Lani!” Marcus warns while the curly haired woman lifts her shoulders.
You laugh, “and this is why I’ve always liked you Lanz, you’re never on any bullshit, unlike Mark and Ris.”
“Yikes, I’m not touching that one.” Alani reached for the champagne bottle.
“You may have actually made her cry by the way,” Marcus announces making Evan peer at you over his shoulder.
Turning your eyes into slits you question, “made who cry?”
“Larissa.”
You huff, “she pissed me off.”
“Yeah but you didn’t have to attack her motherhood which she has yet to really experience…” Marcus states and you take a breath.
You knew that comment was harsh but you never lacked a back bone. When anyone got on your nerves, you were going to tell them and didn’t care who they were or where you were. It’s a defense mechanism and yes that was something else you were working on.
“I’ll make up with her after I get into this spiked peppermint mocha.” You grinned in content.
Evan corrects, “how many times do I have to tell you, it’s not spiked?”
“Until you change your mind, sugar plum.”
“Yuck,” Marcus laughs while Alani smirks.
Sooner than later, Buck is handing out four cups of peppermint mocha and crouches over the counter beside you as you all take in the festive drink while, “Deck the halls,” starts to play for the sixth time this evening. Normally you would be considering sticking your head inside of the oven or making your severe allergic reaction act up by eating a gingerbread cookie just so you could get out of listening to this boring music but somehow you tune it out.
Physical touch was how Buck liked to be loved so you didn’t think much of it as you looped a hand around the crease of his arm. acts of service was how he gave love. He glanced over at you while you listened to whatever your brother was blabbing about and when you caught his stare, you thought to yourself, maybe reconnections should have been on your wishlist.
A tender peppermint kiss to your temple was enough to solidify that and this time? You fought the urge to playfully smack Evan’s scruffy jaw to get off you and allowed the affection from the man you knew for years.
You let the love soak in, as cheesy as it sounds but isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
Who really knows?
You’re more of a New Year’s Eve lover anyway…
���⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩⋆꙳•❅ ❆⋆꙳•☃︎⋆꙳•✩
Check back for my ~5 days of Xmas~ anthology prompts here.
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teriri-sayes · 1 year ago
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TCF Author Q&A (Quick Summary)
Ridi, one of the Korean publishers of TCF/LCF, released an exclusive Q&A with Yoo Ryeo Han, the author of TCF, as a special feature for the release of the Korean ebook version of TCF.
The ebook has 5 volumes, spanning chapters 1-117 of Part 1. It costs around 12,960 won. The Q&A can only be viewed if you buy the ebooks.
Since the Q&A isn't publicly available for free, I won't post a full translation of it. Just a quick summary of it.
***
Q: How do you write the entire story? A: Set the overall flow, and write the details as I write. Ending has already been decided.
Q: Easiest or most difficult character to create a setting? A: Easiest - none. Most difficult - Choi Han.
Q: Character that changed the most from the initial setting? A: Alberu. Supposed to be an insignificant villain, but changed to someone who talks well with Cale when I came up with the glib tongue trait.
Q: Writer's block solution? A: Just write. Eventually, I become immersed and get ideas.
Q: Most important focus when planning the story? A: The characters. I like them to feel alive.
Q: Cat owner? A: Sadly, I'm not a cat mom.
Q: Writing routines? A: I write in the morning.
Open previous chapter
Play a puzzle game while listening to fave entertainment program
Choose music that suits the mood
Start writing
Q: Stress relievers? A: Before, eating. Now, weight lifting in the gym.
Q: Main characters's MBTI? A: Cale is an "I." I never thought about the others.
Q: Author's MBTI? A: Between INFJ and ISFJ. A relaxed J.
Q: Character you want to be a friend? A: Beacrox - he cooks delicious food Cale - he buys good meat Not CH because I hate strenuous exercise
Q: Modern AU of characters? A:
Raon: Kindergarten student On, Hong: Elementary school students Cale: Workaholic dreaming of a slacker life Choi Han: Fencer Alberu Crossman: Young CEO of the company Cale works in Rosalyn: Youngest professor Lock: High school student Ron: Doctor Beacrox: Chef Eruhaben: Building owner who runs a convenience store in his building and buys snacks for Raon, On, and Hong every day
Q: Character that makes you feel bad and care about because they're in pain? A: Lock. Lock-centric arc soon.
Q: Similarities with Cale? A: Doing nothing while resting and lying down.
Q: Best character line? A: Not a character line, but a sentence - "But it's worth a try." (Teriri: This sentence can be found on the first chapters of both Parts 1 and 2.)
Q: Fave scene? A: Raon Miru naming scene.
Q: Happiest scene? A: Cale coughing blood... When Cale and his friends are eating and resting.
Q: Most difficult to write scene? A: The past of the characters.
Q: How many chapters from start to end? A: No comment because I always get it wrong...
Q: Work environment? A: Write alone with background music. But no public places.
Q: What songs do you listen to? A: Pop songs.
Ed Sheeran – I See Fire
Sia – Alive
Sia – Floating Through Space
Keala Settle – This Is Me
Naomi Scott – Speechless
AKMU – Chantey
Ahn Ye Eun – Sailing
Younha – Oort Cloud
Q: Most important character setting? A: Disposition, way of life, goals, and atmosphere they exude.
Q: Setting that reflects author's preference? A: The Indestructible Shield.
Q: Scene you want to write the most? A: Has not come out yet.
Q: Do you like dumplings? A: I love them to the point my family is amazed that I'm not tired of it.
Q: You like misunderstandings, so are you a misunderstood person? A: No. I'm far from it.
Q: Snacks you eat when writing? A: Lots of water. I eat food during breaks.
***
And that's all. If you want to read the full Q&A and legally support the author, you can buy the ebooks on Ridi. It's only around 10 USD if you convert Korean won. Link here: https://ridibooks.com/books/111048924
However, you can't use Google Translate or screenshot it, so your solution is to have two devices. One has the ebook (either in PC view or in Ridi app), and the other device has the Google Translate app installed so you can use the camera to translate the text... Yeah, that's what happened to me. 🥲
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lostwriter--xx3 · 2 months ago
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Lily
@prongsfoot-microfic
Dedicated to the lovely @shivstar and my own dear Prongs @rosemelodyshah
-------
"And, who's the first?"
It was a casual question, and Lily knew the answer. She turned away with the dish.
Thus, she missed James' sheepish face as he replied, "Sirius."
Lily stopped, her slipper halfway across the tile. She locked eyes with James in the mirror above the basin. "Sirius?"
"Yeah", James sipped his black coffee, glancing at Sirius beside him. He hid a smile behind his own cup.
Lily looked away from the mirror and bent to the basin, washing away the pie crumbs on the plate. "I hadn't expected that. I didn't know you..."
"Could bake?" Sirius smiled. "I can't. But Prongsie was craving apple pie. I snuck into the kitchen and stole what I thought were the ingredients." He laughed, rippling and blue. "Guess what they were?"
"Eggs, flour and apples." James was laughing too. "He mashed and baked it in an open fire...in a cauldron."
Lily smiled weakly, privately horrified. "And that got first place? Better than your mom?" Or me?
"It had Paddy's touch." Jame nudged him with his shoulder affectionately. "He could serve up spaghetti with fish sauce and it would be the baar spaghetti I've ever had."
Lily saw Sirius blush in the mirror. She bent to the cabinet under the sink with last night's leftovers. Some spaghetti was left at the bottom. She dumped it out and washed it.
"I couldn't get a cookbook", Sirius said apologetically.
"That made it special." James shrugged, slinging an arm over his shoulder as he reached over to take his plate. He came to the sink and put it down, smiling at Lily. Lily smiled back, tightly.
"Did you actually eat the apple contraption?"
"I couldn't hurt his feelings", he winked at Sirius over his shoulder, who made a face.
"You guys are so sweet, like an old married couple!" Lily exclaimed, dumping out the leftover pie in the dustbin.
Sirius grinned. "We are."
"Besides, he did all that. He literally stole the ingredients under the Head Elf's watch. And snuck into the Potions classroom. Of course I loved it. Of course I love him." James had left Lily's side, and was chokehold-hugging Sirius from behind the chair.
I got up at 5 today.
"You really need to stop embarrassing me in front of your wife." Sirius wrapped an arm around him fondly.
"James, can you stay in and help remove this mirror?" Lily called out. "It'd look better in the sitting room."
"Tomorrow, dear. I and Paddy have plans today."
Lily slammed down the dish. "Have fun. I need go write a letter."
She left the room. James didn't really notice.
In their bedroom, she found the writing desk. The pad was empty, the ink was at its dregs. James had gone through all the pages writing long, detailed letters to Sirius about every mundane household thing. Lily had seen the replies. Sirius had specifically responded to ever single thing James had gushed about. How sweet. How thoughtful.
There was an unsealed envelope beside the pad. It was the letter James had written last night, planned to post today, before Sirius payed a surprise and definitely unauthorised visit to him. Lily hesitated, then pulled out and unfolded the letter.
Dear Sirius,
I miss you. How I miss you! I sit down for breakfast, lunch, supper (I'm never at home for dinner these days, always some fad at the Order) and I'm always staring out the window at the front wall of the house (have I told you about the new curtains? They are grey with polka dots. Lily didn't like them very much but I insisted on them, they look just like your eyes) hoping you will appear. I'm rambling, of course. I'm not in my right mind, I feel crazy without you. I wish you would come live with us. The guest room isn't ready yet, but we could curl up on the floor with the sleeping bags (the ones we got for Quidditch final in 7th Year) and watch the stars. The window faces the backyard, y'know. It's beautiful. Lily can take the bedroom.
No, honestly, I'm happy with Lily. It feels like a constant adrenaline rush. I finally won her over! But I miss you. I wish you'd visit. I need to feel your arm around my shoulder, I need to hear you laugh, I need to feel your knuckles under my thumb. I need you, love. I wish you'd come. I miss you like a limb. You're always the first thing on my mind when I wake up and my last waking thought before I sleep. Sometimes, I even dream of you (crazy, I know). I hold a pillow pretending its you and that I'm back in the dorm and it's Fifth Year and everything is fine. I wish I could feel that safety again. I can't tell Lily, but I'm so scared, Sirius. I'm scared of dying. I'm scared that one day I will die in a solo mission and I won't see you again. I wish I hadn't joined the Order. Of course, I want to fight. But sometimes, when I think of you and me and how we used to joke about sharing a red-bricked house with a picket fence with a swing in a kitchen garden, I can't help but be selfish. Are ideals worth more than you? I don't know, I honestly don't know...
Well, I'm all out of paper. Seems like writing letters to you is all I do nowadays. Dumbledore is pressuring me to spend more time with Lily. I love her, but I need some space too. He keeps insisting on knowing when we are having kids. It's so odd and uncomfortable, how is it any of his business? And I don't want kids. Who has kids in war? Lily wants a daughter. I want a damn cat and you. I'm starting to detest Order meetings because of all these wrangles now. But I'll always attend them. I get to see you. I'd attend a conference in hell (that's what the meetings are these days) to see you. Don't forget me in your roomie bliss with Peter, okay? I love you.
Always,
Your James.
Lily put back the letter and fetched a new pad of paper from the shelf. She looked at the dregs of the ink. It would be enough. She sat down to write.
Dear Sev—
Lily got up and put on a jacket. She had to go out and buy some ink. She would need it.
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joy-haver · 4 months ago
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Something that I think is under discussed in found family circles is just how expansive kinship systems can be, and how they are so much more than titles. They are ongoing relationships of care, obligation, and discussion. Im going to talk about the kinship system where I grew up, so you can draw examples from there.
Where I am from, it’s pretty common for people to have godchildren. They typically are declared a godparent when they are late teens to early 20’s. And you might have as many as three god parents, mostly to ensure that one of them takes responsibility. The role of a godparent is to look after your well-being, help raise you, baby sit, educate, mentor, etc. anyone can be made a godparent. Sometimes it’s family members, but usually, it’s a way of tying families together and expanding the kinship of the child to include more people, and to encourage the families of those people to take an interest in their wellbeing. It also is who is meant to take you if your parents die. But sometimes you just go live with them if you get along better. It’s very common in my hometown for children to go live with someone else in the kinship system for really any variety of reasons, and not most of them negative.
In my family, one child in each generation typically has a godparent from another specific family. My mom’s godmother is from this family. That woman’s daughter is my mom’s goddaughter, and she in turn is my godmother. My moms god daughter’s daughter is also my moms goddaughter, and I am godparent to one of her other daughters.
The family of my godparents has a similar relationship with a different family, and my family has a similar relationship with yet another family.
My hometown also has a pretty strong mentorship culture. Sports coaches is common and I think more widespread in other places, but there’s also just like, old people who take an interest in you. Maybe they are music teachers, woodworkers, fishers, weavers, hunters, neighbors, costumers, bakers, hair dressers. It doesn’t really matter, what matters is they teach you something or do activities with you, and look after you. They become Your Old People (this is the phrase we use). It’s not uncommon to greet people in my hometown with “how are your people doing”, and then people expect you to give any and all news about the 4 or 5 elders who mentor you, maybe their families or other mentees, your entire family out to second cousins, your godfamily, their godfamily, and your siblings god families. And maybe neighbors, if they eat at your house more than every other week (which might be about 30-50 more people). This means you have about a hundred or so people who are “your people”. Who you have to right to talk about, and share personal news about. They have an obligation to talk about your needs, desires, achievements, and flaws when they are asked about their people.
When we introduce each other to someone and they don’t know each other (rare, it’s a small town) we say things like “and their great great grandmother on this side was so-and-so, and their great great aunt on that side was so-and-so.” The people we say tend to be significant in some way, long dead anchors of a family who are still talked about. This serves to help situate someone’s family context in your mind, and we tend to know enough genealogy that it tells you if you are kin, who they are kin to, and how everyone is related (which helps avoid incest).
But we also tend to say “and they hunt with Mr. So-and-so, and they make pottery with Mr. _____, and go on to cook with momma ~~~~ most every other day”. We might say who their godparent is too, if it’s a significant relationship, but usually that comes up later. The point is; When you meet someone, you situate them in a context of elders, kin, and care. And every time you meet them after you see them in that context of kin and care. The line between individuals and their kinship circle is fuzzy.
Linguistically, in my hometown dialect, both “y’all” and “you” can be either singular or plural.
“How you doin” can mean “how are you and how are your people. I don’t wanna talk about everybody in town I wanna talk about the people important to you.” Or, it can mean “how are you, personally, doing”. This is differentiated by tone, context, and gestures. The inclusion of are, as in “how are you doing” also tends to indicate that it’s more personal. “How you doin” is an invitation and an obligation. You can’t rush it. You have to go through a list in your head and give any and all news about people in your structure. (This is why going to the grocery store in my hometown takes many hours).
“How y’all doin” tends to be more informal, and an invitation to have a much more informal discussion, with less detail. Therefor, you get to decide a bit more what you answer with. You could talk about people outside your kinship structure, or just events that happened, or anything really. The personal vs broad distinction is still made in the same ways, but you have more of a choice in how you answer.
I could go on and on about this, but the point is; family isn’t just people you like. Kinship structures are about who you talk about, who you bring up. Who you mentor, who you look after, who you care for. It’s a commitment. It’s a responsibility. It’s a way of relating to people and discussing them and thinking about them.
For me, these kinship structures were all disrupted when I came out as trans, and I was essentially exiled. I’m still connected to my bio family and one of my mentors, but that’s really it. There is a deep, deep loss for me. So when I heard about found family the first time, when I was freshly homeless and disconnected from my whole kinship structure, I was so excited. I wanted something to replace what I lost. But so much of what we call found family is really just broken promises, and hollow words.
When people talk about queerness and found family, im really begging them to talk about structures like this. About building something real, and complex. I don’t want half assed “people who are your friends and hang out with you.” Or “whoever your roommates happen to be”. I want systems of ongoing obligation, of care, of regard.
Sometimes I feel like a vestigial limb that’s been chopped off of the body. And I want to Belong to something again.
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jaketsparrow · 1 year ago
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Tending Part 5!
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Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f! Reader
Word Count: 11.1K
A/N: Sorry I just had to tease you guys today and make you wait :) Again, I’m so very sorry this took a while, I just had a lot going on! I hope you enjoy the chaos of this chapter, my mind reallyyyy just went wild. 
Another special shout out to @gvfpal for being amazing and getting the first dibs on this piece! Thanks for always listening to my crazy ideas :) 
MINORS DNI
MENTIONS OF/ TW: Sexual content (of course), unprotected sex (Don’t do this!), angst, swearing, Dom! Jake, restraints, possible orgasm denial, impact play, etc, it’s filth. 
Masterpost
Driving lately has become a weird buffer zone in your life. Every time you get into the car your thoughts just start running. It feels like stepping out of your life momentarily; like you are closed off from your own world. It was like being in your own TV show and watching the recap of the last episode. It’s safe, isolating, and a place to let your thoughts just go. 
As usual, your thoughts go to Jake. He has consumed your entire mind. You were once happy being alone; in fact, you preferred it. Every man you’ve dated in the past year or so hasn’t been someone to take home to the family. Honestly, neither was Jake yet, but there was something different about him. Jake was different than any man you had been with, you felt like he did care for you, but he just didn’t know how. It was like he was a confused little kid who didn’t know whether to kick his mom or hug her when she came home from a long day away. 
You’ve never found yourself weak or needing a man, but Jesus fucking Christ, you needed Jake. Every time you’re in his presence you can’t help but feel your heart rate rise, feel the need growing between your legs… He just had this majestic siren song that you keep falling for. You’ve accepted at this point that Jake was right, he will never be the perfect boyfriend, let alone the perfect man. He was protective of you and did care for you, but he would never let you know that without a fight. 
“Pants off, now.” He commands. 
Oh.
Did he really just?... 
He’s standing over you with this stupid judging face. You don’t want to obey him, but your body is telling you other things. Your heartbeat has traveled from your chest down between your legs, pulsing at the thought of fucking him again. You feel frozen in this state of complete lust. Last night’s extravagance deprived you of his cock, and now… that’s all you want.
Clearly annoyed by your hesitation, Jake scoffs and reaches down to your waist. He wraps his arms around your midsection and lifts you over his shoulder. Your core cuts into his shoulders as he hoists you over him. You feel like a ragdoll trying to manipulate your way out of his grasp.
“Jake!” You whimper, trying to wiggle yourself into a more comfortable position.
“You really ought to learn to fucking listen to me.” His open palm meets your clothed ass, providing a cushioned, but still stinging smack. You yelp, quite loudly, surprised by his actions. He turns his head to look at your defeating position, “You’re in big fucking trouble now.” 
There he was. The Jake you have been craving. The Jake that surprised you your first night together. The Jake who you always secretly wanted, but were also a little scared of. This version of him was almost completely heartless, using you as he pleased. You become his plaything when this persona switches on. And you enjoy every minute of it. 
He loops his fingers underneath the waistband of your sweats and yanks them off in one vigorous pull. Your ass is now on full display. You reach below his shirt and rake your nails across his lower back, trying any means to rile him up further. 
Jake winces through gritted teeth, “You’re such a fucking whore.” 
“And you fucking love it,” You cry.
Another open-handed smack breaches your ass; another yelp fires out of you. This one is sure to leave a mark. 
“You’re gonna wish you were good.” 
He starts his walk to the bedroom, and you continue to try to wiggle free of him. His grip is firm on you and the position he’s burdened you with provides no leverage to win. Although you really don’t want to be set free, it’s more fun not to completely comply with 
his whims. 
He approaches the bed and throws you down with a brute but controlled force. Your head falls back into the mattress you neatly made not that long ago. You reach your hands out to brace yourself from breaking. The fabric bunching up in your fists. 
“Hey! I just made this!” You chime.
Speaking at that moment was something you instantly regretted. 
Jake is standing over you, breathing hot and heavy. The tension in the air is thick and you know what you have gotten yourself into now. His demeanor is fierce, brow furrowed and eyes glaring through you. His hands are balled up by his sides and you can see the rigidity in his body. Behind his eyes, his brain is wracking through plans of what to do with you, his disobedient girl. 
You slide your legs up and down the mattress, nervous and excited about what he is thinking of. You run your hands down your stomach, trying to entice him to do something, do anything to you. Anything he wanted. You slowly part your legs, presenting yourself to him. 
“No. You don’t deserve that.” He barks, “If you think any of this will be for your pleasure… You’re delusional.”
“...Jake.” You beg. 
He reaches down towards your head, sending his fingers through your scalp and to the back of your neck, whipping you up, tugging his fingers on your hair. He leans closer to your face, still hovering over you. 
“Not.” A harsh pull at the back of your head puts you eye to eye with his looming presence. “My,” Another wincing pull tearing at your scalp, “fucking name.”
Jake holds you in his grip, dominating you completely. You feel defenseless, like an injured bird, waiting for him to care for you, but he doesn’t. 
“Please! Please, sir!” You beg. 
He releases you from his grip and your neck snaps back up to its rightful place. 
“Color.” He demands. 
You look up to him, eyes fierce and ready. “Green.”
Jake grabs your jaw, resting his grip along the bone, “You are mine right now. I didn’t give everything up for you to be flirting with my fucking twin. Do you understand me?”
You nod your head vigorously, feeling the shame settling in you. Who knew you could feel ashamed and horny all at the same time. 
“Words.” He orders.
You swallow any shame and try your best to put it aside; it wouldn’t help you now.
 “Yes, sir.” You mewl.
His hands move to the side of your neck, holding your jaw firmly with his thumb. 
“You know what you should be doing right now.” 
He guides your eyes down to look at the growing bulge in his pants. He seems harder than ever before, completely drunk on his own control. You look up at him through heavy eyes, scared. You’ve been here before. You need to please him again. 
Jake releases his hand from your jaw and moves it to run his fingers through the top of your head, coaxing you to get started. Gently placing your hand on his cock, you try to gently stroke him through his clothes. 
He fists your hair into his fingers, “No, no teasing. You don’t get to do that right now.” 
There would be absolutely no option for control for you. No teasing, any brattiness would come with a consequence. Jake steps back and leaves a bare spot on the carpet in between you two. His hand pushes you forward, launching your feet onto the rug, and then onto your knees. He releases his hand from your scalp and starts unzipping his pants. 
You are completely silent; compliant with his wishes. Waiting for his instructions. Your head rises to watch his cock slide out from his boxer briefs. It was daunting to see him like this, completely full, swollen even, bigger than you ever thought he was before. His right-hand grips around the solid skin, slowly stroking. His other hand reaches out to grab your cheeks, holding your mouth open in an ‘o’ shape. 
Your eyes graze up his body to meet his eyes. The chocolate brown irises are almost unrecognizable in this position. His dominating stature shines over you, completely taking over you. You can feel your excitement growing beneath you, but there is nothing you can do about that. The warmth that was blossoming between your legs would be shut until your turn if you were even allowed one. 
He loosens his grip around your jaw, resting his hand under your chin. 
His velvety tone sweeps into the air, relinquishing any uncertainty you had, “If you need me to stop,” Three taps of his fingers rap gently across your jaw, “Just do that, okay? Tap three times.”
“I won’t need to stop.”
A complete surge of neediness consumes you. You need him, you need to make him feel special, to remind him that you were going to be the woman he would never forget. You take your hands from your lap and fly them to his body. One hand grips into his thigh and the other takes its position around the base of his shaft. You nearly knock him over in the act, sending him into pure bliss. Almost taking him out of his command, shocking him with your ability to be the whore he wanted you to be. 
“Fuck…” He cries. “My fucking little slut couldn’t even wait-”
You slide your mouth as far as you can down his shaft, gagging yourself on all of him. His body shudders below your hand and you feel proud of your ability to melt him as much as he does to you. 
It doesn’t take too many wet strokes for him to finally gather himself back. His hand reoccupies the back of your head, trying to chase that same feeling again. Your mouth is shoved with as much of him as you can take, almost too much to handle. It’s worth the praise, you tell yourself. Take all of him now, and get all the rewards you can. 
“You’re taking me so well.” He says in gravely tones. 
You truly weren’t, you were choking him down, barely hanging on. Tears streaming down your eyes. You try to shoot your best doe eyes up at him, begging for him to have enough. You were reaching your limit, pushing yourself to a new maximum. 
Your head kept bobbing rhythmically against him, trying to hold him deep in your throat. You were doing things you didn’t even know your body was capable of. 
“My best little whore looks so good down there, sucking my cock.”
A swift and hard push of the back of your head launches you as far as you can take Jake, knocking your nose into his lower stomach. 
Three taps.
Fuck. You did need to stop. 
Jake slides out of your mouth as you cough heavily, gasping for air. You collapse your head, trying to stabilize yourself. Deep breaths. 
Jake tucks himself back into his pants and tries to assess the situation. He bends down to you, bringing his face down to yours; sweeping the hair out of your face. The switch was flipped, he was going into protective mode. 
“Sunshine.” He whimpers. You try to hold back your coughs and lift your head to his. He pushes the last strand of hair out of your eyes, “Are you okay?”
You nod your head, holding your breath in fear that more wheezes are going to escape. One deep breath through your nose clears the burning tickle in your throat. 
“Yes, I’m okay. Keep going.” 
His face lights up with your permission. The classic Jake smirk runs across his lips, almost a full smile revealing his excitement. 
“Good girl.” 
The words melt you. Any bit of praise was going to keep you going; it was going to make you need him more. 
He lifts you slowly back onto the bed, trying his best to be gentle only for this moment. He sprawls you out onto your back and sits next to you. 
The slowdown of all the action, the passion, is getting to you. He’s treating you like a weak girl, but you weren’t. He just took you by surprise. You wouldn’t let that one moment take away the Jake you had been craving. 
“C’mon, are you going to fuck me?” The words sputter out of you, only half confident, but still ringing strong through the air. 
Jake snaps his neck to scowl at you. There it was. 
His arm travels to your neck, holding you in place, once again choking for air, “What if I’ve had enough of you today? What then?” 
What if? Would he still be here if he did?
“You fucking want it and you know it… You’ve been thinking of it since last night. Seeing my cunt all soaked and not getting to feel it for yourself.” 
Who the fuck just said that? A month ago those words wouldn’t have even been something you would be comfortable thinking, let alone saying out loud. 
Your vile words shock Jake as well; you can feel the grip on your neck waiver a moment as he processes. And then. Well.
“You think you fucking know it all? My little slut thinks she knows me better, huh? I think it’s you that’s been craving my cock. You could barely wait your turn to fucking choke on it. You’re dying for me to fuck you. You’ve been naughty, trying to get me to take you. Being a little whore in front of me. Now you can wait.”
Jake stands up, and for a moment you’re actually worried he’s about to walk out of the room. Instead, he reaches for your left ankle and yanks it to the corner of the bed, the sheets sliding you across the mattress. 
“Shirt off.” He orders, and you comply instantly. 
He rounds the edge of the bed and grabs your wrist next, pulling it up by the pillow you slept on last night. With his other hand, he reaches deep into the side of the mattress between the bed frame and pulls out a restraint. It’s a soft cuff with velcro to hold it together. He holds it out for you so you can see. 
“Green?” He asks, eager for your answer.
“Fucking yes.”
A rip of velcro and then the cuff is wrapped around your wrist. You softly tug at the restraint, noticing it wasn’t going to be easy to break out of it, but you guess that was the point. 
Two more rips and soon your ankles are loosely restrained to the corners of the frame. You have more movement with your legs than your hand, but still would not be able to break free of the cuffs. 
He walks around the bed to the other side, surveying your naked body. Taking in each inch with his gaze. He was going to be the predator, and you the helpless prey. 
One last rip of velcro and the other cuff wraps around your wrist. Once he’s satisfied with the cuffs, he walks over to stand directly in front of you, watching you test each limb for movement. 
“What if I just left you like this? Just stood here and watched you beg for my cock.” The words are cold and cruel. You can feel the fire, no, the need burning in you with the thought of not having him. 
“No! Please, please. I need you. I want you.” You beg mercilessly. 
“So much for all that back talk before, huh? ‘Please’” He mocks. “I’m not so convinced you’re ready to be good yet.”
The need is gathering through your stomach, down between your legs. There was no way to hide the slickness that was starting; he would be able to see all of you.  
“Please!” You gasp, “I can be good, I promise sir… Just please fuck me. Fuck me, Sir!”
“Hmmm…” He drops his hands down on the mattress, staring you down, watching you writhe through the desire. “You don’t deserve anything. Trying to make me upset, trying to tease me, such a fucking whore today.”
The words coming from him are completely a facade. He knows he wants this now. He’s in too deep. He loves to see you like this, completely helpless; completely his. You have more of a say in this than he wants you to know. But you know what to do. You know the games he likes to play. 
“Please, baby. I know. I was such a bad girl… I’m a dirty slut. I fucked up. You can be mad at me, please… please just take me, I want to make you happy.” 
He watches you for a brief moment, letting the pleads hang in the air. His eyes are lit with an insatiable lust. He wanted it. He wanted it bad. He may be able to mask it with his words, but his body tells a completely different story. He pushes himself off of the mattress and begins to undress himself. Teasing you with each reveal of his tanned skin. 
First his shirt. The edges of the fabric slowly climb their way up his gorgeous soft stomach. It was like a curtain lifting at the beginning of a show, each inch elevating your excitement for the first act. 
The silence was eating at you. What was he thinking? What was he going to do…
“Please, Please…” You implore. 
Next is his zipper, slowly sliding down to once again, reveal his bulging, practically jumping cock. The sight of it is sending you into a ferality. You pull against the restraints, trying to lift yourselves towards it. Paying no mind to the forces holding you back, you try to reach for him.  
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” He growls, “So impatient.” 
Pleading moans erupt out of you. You feel like you’re being withheld from the thing you want most, well, because you are. You feel your core tightening. His sultry, teasing behavior is absolute torture. 
“I need you! I need it, please!” 
Slowly, the remainder of his clothes fall off of his body, revealing his perfect stature. His body looks like it’s carved with absolute perfection and care. Each edge is softly rounded, ready to be touched. 
He crawls across the bed, bringing his head close to your aching cunt. His breath permeates your skin. He reaches one finger up to your lower stomach, slowly dragging it from your navel to your clit. You’re whimpering with each movement he makes. 
“Is this...” He finally plants his finger firmly onto your bundle of nerves, shocking every muscle in your body, “What you want?” 
“Yes, yes, yes…” The words are echoing out of you, pressing for more. 
“You’ve been very good, surrendering to me. You know your a bad girl, right? That I’m being extremely forgiving for even taking you this far.” 
“Yes, sir…” 
His tongue crashes into you, at first wide and spreading you, then narrowing onto your needy clit. The first pass over you sends you into complete shock, you can’t do anything but feel. The restraints prevent you from being at all distracted by anything but his soft, precise movements. 
He builds his pace, tasting everything of you that he can. 
“Oh poor thing, you can’t even help it.” He teases, “You just have to take it all.” 
“I want it all…” It’s getting harder to even form sentences. All you can think about is his face on you, completely drenching you. His tongue exploring each fold, each sensitive spot. You feel the tightness, the excitement rushing through you. Your legs shaking, arms fighting against the restraints. Labored moans fighting their way out. 
“Oh, well that won’t do.” He stops everything, denying you the release you were feeling so close to, “I’m sorry sunshine, but this is for my pleasure. Remember?” 
You whine, exasperated cries spilling into the air. 
“Are you being ungrateful?” 
A flat-handed smack splays across your swollen cunt. You lift your neck to watch it all happen. The evil smirk splayed across Jake, the hand meeting your skin, the soft gasps escaping your lips. 
“Color?” He asks. 
You think for a moment, “Green.”
Another soft blow swats at you, absolutely wrecking your body. Each blow feels like a shock wave of filthy pleasure. 
“Fuck…” This moment felt so dirty. Felt so good. He always pushed you to new levels of pleasure. 
He wastes no time at this point. He can’t wait any further to feel you. He knows he can’t hold out on you any longer. 
Jake pushes himself up on the mattress and starts to slowly pump himself. A steady stream of spit falls from his lips onto his cock, lubricating himself. 
“Are you ready for this?” He asks, most likely not caring how ready you are, it just means he was ready. 
You nod your head, unable to even fathom the force he will bring to you. 
“Words.” He commands. 
You strain to focus yourself, “Please just fuck me.” 
He reaches over to the corners of the bed, releasing your ankles from the restraints, but leaving your hands in their disciplinary holds. 
He grabs your hips and lifts you to line up with him. His cock blows into you, straight to the hilt. You moan loudly, almost graphically. He squeezes his thumbs into your sides, stabilizing himself. Low grunts come through his gritted teeth.
He isn’t giving you any mercy, pounding himself into you. Each drill pushes further and further into you, breaking you in two. 
“Fuck, you feel so good,” You groan. 
“Yeah? My little slut likes getting fucked like this?” He asks. 
“She’d like it a lot more if you were harder,” You reply through choked breaths. 
You don’t need to beg much for this. 
“That’s why you’re my fucking favorite.” 
Jake assumes his hand on your neck, gripping you tightly. You thought he was going hard before, but this was unreal. Each pump into you provided a harsh blow to your body. It was calculated, menacing, everything you fucking wanted. 
You feel him fill you entirely, your cunt consuming every inch of his unyielding cock. You feel yourself already losing control, building to climax. He feels so good, better than ever before. You both feel confident in each other, and you both know how to get each other to the highest high. 
“Oh, you think you deserve to come?” 
Fuck. 
“Please!” You beg. “Please sure, please.” 
He looks deeply into your desperate eyes. He can see the absolute terror of being denied. You feel like maybe he might give in, might let you get there. You know how close you are and you can feel him getting there too. You risk it all. 
You wrap your legs around his waist, holding him into you, preventing him from escaping. 
“You fucking-” 
You both gasp in unison, reaching your orgasms just moments after the other. Jake lowers himself by your ear, uttering complete pornographic moans. It feels intimate to hear him like this, to hear how happy you’ve made him. 
Your body shudders underneath him, clenching around his softening body. Your restricting hold increases every tightening muscle in your core, lifting your back completely off of the mattress. Feelings of butterflies flurry through your body, starting from your satisfied cunt, down through your legs. 
You both mix within yourself, feeling your body flood with him. 
“You fucking slut.” He chokes out. 
You giggle in his ear, “Admit it, Jake, you fucking love it.” 
Instead of feeling excitement for your destination, you just feel uneasy. You could feel the sweat slickening the steering wheel the harder you gripped it. Deep down, there was a part of you that wished you didn’t agree to go see the band. 
The last time you interacted with Josh, it left Jake feeling jealous. He truly had no right to be jealous of you just making friends. But now, there was some lingering destructive intent. You wanted him to feel that way; as petty as that was of you. You were always the one chasing after Jake, begging him for attention, begging to be the only one. That morning with the twins was your opportunity to give him a taste of how it feels to be you. 
That point didn’t entirely come off to him, instead, the argument just led to more intense angry sex. That was always going to be the best way for you two to get in the mood. 
You hate knowing that Jake can get out of any argument by getting you fired up. At least you knew that all these arguments could in theory just be your foreplay, not ever real fights. It made you feel diminished, but then again, he would always find a way to make everything up to you by the end. 
Jake and his stupid, stupid apologies were going to kill you someday.
You both knew you had work that night, so Jake opted to drive you home so you could get ready. The morning and early afternoon flew by at his house. You were quite exhausted at that point and were ready to wash away the very sinful acts that still lingered on your skin. 
You didn’t have much time to prepare yourself for the shift and had to rush through your usual routine. Shower. Brush your teeth. Get dressed. Get out the door. The whole hour went by in a blur. 
And just as usual, you pull through the cavernous parking lot of fleets and find your always unoccupied spot in the back. You still manage to arrive before Jake, whose car was missing from the lot. You turn off the engine and head into the back door. The kitchen is busy, with loud clanging and shouts emerging from behind the hallway walls. 
You drop your bag and head out to the main floor. Chris is nowhere to be seen yet, and the only other employee you can see is… of course. Mariella. 
She’s wearing this shit-eating grin talking to the regulars. You feel a wave of disgust run over you and you have to try and control yourself from letting your emotions get the best of you. The last time you saw her she was trying to fuck up your relationship with Jake, and well… She succeeded. You can’t let her do that to you. You can’t let your jealousy burn through what you have with him. He chose you, and you chose him. 
Breathe through it, let it go, and kill that bitch with kindness. 
You walk to the bar and hop under the counter, joining her behind the bar. She doesn’t turn to acknowledge you as you clock in. It all feels so middle school. You pretend she doesn’t exist, and she’ll probably do the same. 
The dishwasher beeps and you run over to start emptying the glasses. She pops her head over to look at you briefly but turns back to continue flirting with the 40-year-old in front of her. 
You’re extremely annoyed, but continue to complete your chores; well technically hers. Where the fuck is Jake? And why the fuck is she still behind the bar? 
“Hey girl,” Hearing her voice is like the equivalent of drinking lemon juice. It’s bitter, soured, and ultimately- unpleasant. 
You don’t even bother to look back at her, instead zeroing in on the steamy glasses. 
“So,” She starts, “I hope I didn’t fuck things up with you and Jake.” 
You snap your head to look at her, trying your best to display how uncomfortable you are in her presence. 
She’s so fake. Of course, she hopes she fucked things up. She manipulated you with the perfect words to turn on Jake. You continue to pull the glasses out of the dishwasher, lining them up on the counter to be put away.
“No things are fine. We talked it out. He said he’s done with all the temporary girls.” You glare back at her. 
Being petty is fun. 
“Aw, well I’m so glad to hear it babes,” She rests her hand on your shoulder and breezes past you out from behind the bar. “Oh and don’t worry, I closed out all my tabs.” 
The rage is filling in you. You felt brave at this moment, ready to settle any sort of anger you felt with her. 
“Mariella.” She stops to turn, just a few feet away from the counter. You stride over to the corner of the bar, separating you two with the counter. “What you did…” Your voice and bravery is starting to trail off when the reality of the situation was setting in, “What you did was fucked up. You knew I liked him before you did anything with him. When I finally got my chance you chose to be a backstabber and try to kill my dream. That’s not what friends do.”
Her face hasn’t changed through any of your words. A scowl is burned across her brow, “Who said we were friends?” 
Her words take you back. You thought you had been friends. You had worked at Fleets together for over a year now and had spent many nights together drinking and complaining about the shithole bar. Now she was denying it all? 
No. You can’t let her keep getting to you. You can’t let her make you second guess yourself anymore. 
“No, you don’t get to do that to me anymore Mariella. You don’t get to make me feel like shit. So what you had Jake first? So what you don’t want to be my friend? I am not jealous of you anymore, and you can’t make me feel second class just because your tits are bigger and you can seduce any of these losers in this bar. I won. I get Jake.” 
Mariella bursts out laughing, almost in tears. “Whatever! You won! Great for you. Hope you enjoy it all. Good luck with that mess of a human! I hope you’re very happy together.” 
She continues laughing to herself as she walks into the back office. 
That wasn’t the satisfying ending you wanted. 
You pull into a spot in front of the venue. The parking lot was dimly lit and full of cars. People lingered in front of the door, chatting, sharing cigarettes, waiting for something exciting to happen. 
The band had already been here for an hour or so setting up; probably having some pre-show drinks to loosen up. Even though they don’t go on for another twenty or so minutes, you decide it is better to leave earlier than to just sit idly waiting in your apartment. But now that you were here, and were early, you don’t want to go in until it’s time for their set to start. 
You feel your heart climbing into your throat. You truly didn’t think you would still get anxious over these things, but after everything that’s happened this week, it feels like walking on glass. 
You press your hands into your face and try to regulate the fear permeating through you. You try your best to flush it away, remembering you’re only here to support the band. You can’t let Jake’s jealousy control you forever. Whatever happens, happens. 
Jake walks through the back and heads towards the bar. As soon as he sees you a huge smile appears on his face. Was he actually happy to see you, or was he just thinking about what you both did just hours before? Either way, you smile back. The cheerful appearance of him is making you blush. Everything starts to feel real like never before. 
The back office door opens again and you see Mariella waltz out to the back. Chris appears in the doorway, making direct eye contact with you. Shit. Did she just tattle on you for being mean to her? Why does every interaction with her feel like high school all over again? 
Chris brings his hand up to wave you towards him, one finger inching in his direction. An audible sigh escapes your lips. Jake jostles to the bar and hops over the counter with incredible agility. 
“What the fuck?” You ask, completely perplexed at his insane amount of energy. 
He laughs, knowing how strange his action must have been. He walks past you, quickly uttering, “You make me feel like a whole new man baby.”
You would be inclined to jump onto him and mount him right there if you knew your boss wasn’t also staring you down from the other room. You try your best to acknowledge Jake, while still slipping away. 
“Oh good, you needed a new personality,” You joke, slipping out from the bar, “One sec, I’ll be right back.” 
“Screw you!” He sarcastically jeers from the POS system. 
You awkwardly jog over to the office door, letting yourself in. Chris is already back in his seat at his corner desk. He looks defeated, and well, really annoyed. His hand is sprawled across the right side of his face, holding his shaking head. You close the door behind you, trying to make him aware of your presence. 
“Sit,” he barks, pointing at the spare dining room seat opposite to him. 
You gingerly sit down on the cold wooden chair and try to sit up straight, holding yourself as professionally as you can. 
“What the fuck is going on?” His words cut the air. 
What situation is he even talking about?
“With?” You ask, surveying for him to give you more. 
Chris sighs and leans back into his chair, resting his clasped hands over his beer belly, “Listen, you’ve always been a fine employee. You show up, you do what you need to, and you leave. But I don’t deal with fucking drama. I don’t deal with he said she said, she’s dating him, he’s into her, bullshit. That’s why I put the rules in place.”
Ohhh what the fuck? What the hell is he even talking about? Mariella totally fucking tattled on you- to your boss of all people! 
You angle yourself forward, your face painted with confusion, “Okay, first off, I don’t know what to say to any of that, second of all, what rule?” 
“The no dating other employees rule.” The what? Chris continues, “Jake knew about it... I had a conversation with him about it. And yet we still have bullshit! And I really don’t fucking want bullshit.”
“Hold on, hold on,” You brace your hands out, trying to slow Chris, “Why am I just hearing of this rule now?”
Chris drops his hands, “I dont know. I just… I thought you were a lesbian.”
Your face drops and utter shock goes through your body. “Chris-”
“What? You were always hanging around Mariella and never had a boyfriend and only flirted with the ladies.” He throws his hands up trying to save this conversation he has so clearly lost. 
“Chris… Just because I’m not trying to suck face with the forty-year-old alcoholics out there, does not mean I’m a fucking lesbian.” You bury your face in your hands, completely over this entire interaction, “You have to tell all the employees the rules. Even if I was gay, what if I dated one of the other girls here?” 
“Listen… I don’t know why I didn’t tell you, okay? But bottom line, Jake knew.”
“Okay,” You trail off, “So…? Sounds like you’re getting at something else here Chris.”
Chris squares himself, leaning his hands into his thighs, “Well… Either you two,” he motions with hands a cut across his throat, “You know, end it. Or, one of you has to go. We’ve had struggles with this in the past. You both are great bartenders, but that can all change when you start getting into little spats and fighting in the bar.”
Little does he fucking know… 
“So, you want me to end my relationship, which I don’t even know if it is a real relationship or not-”
Chris moans, “God. I don’t care what it is-”
“Or you want me to quit?” The words feel sour and morose. 
Chris stands up, trying to get out of the unpleasant exchange. He walks over to rest his hand on your shoulder. A sad, looming expression dawns on him. 
“Doesn’t have to be you, kid.”
He goes to open the door, letting the light of the bar flood through the office. You can feel the tears forming in your eyes. A slight choke sits at the back of your throat. Everything that has to do with Jake and you always is a fucking disaster.
Why does everything have to be so hard? Why can’t you just have it easy? Why can’t Jake just be yours and you be his? What does everyone have against you two? Is this a bigger sign that maybe he just can’t be with you?...
“Chris,” You beg, “Can I just talk to him for a few minutes?”
He shakes his fist and tries his hardest to let go of any frustration, “Fine, but make it quick I hate that regular.”
And the same as he did with you, he waves Jake over to the office. Jake tilts his head like a sad puppy and quickly jogs out from behind the bartop. He strolls into the hallway, and Chris brushes past him to go take his place. 
The tears are still welling in your eyes and you can’t quite regulate your breathing. The frustration and anger you feel for Chris’ stupid policy is mixing with the dissatisfaction of Jake once again withholding information from you. 
“Sunshine?” He asks confused. 
You grab his hand and pry him into the office, closing the door behind him.
“Sit,” You plead. 
Now the roles were reversed. You try your best to compose yourself and consume all the sad emotions that were begging you to crawl out. 
Jake sits in the same chair as you did, “What?-”
“Jake.” Breathe. Don’t take it too far, “Did Chris inform you of a certain… No dating other employees rule?” 
He shifts awkwardly in the chair, obviously trying to avoid the interrogation, “Well, yeah, but-”
“Please… Please don’t say we’re not in one, because that will fucking kill me right now.” Your voice is breaking.
He sinks back into the chair. For the first time, he seems… hurt.
“I wasn’t going to-”
“Jake if you knew, why didn’t you tell me? Now I’ve got Chris telling me one of us has to quit or we… or we… you know…”
He runs his hand through his hair and turns to face you head-on. He reaches out for your hands, and you half haphazardly return them into his grasp. 
“I didn’t want you to not consider us an option. So I didn’t say anything.”
You take your hands back from him, quickly planting them on your hips, “So you think putting my job at risk is perfectly fine? All this behind my back shit is getting pretty old Jake, and we’ve barely even been at this a few weeks.” 
He drops his head, catching the crown of his hair in his fingertips, “What the hell did you want me to do?” 
You throw your hands in the air, fumbling to even find the right answer, “I don’t know Jake! But we could’ve tried to figure this out together before I was once again blindsided by something you hid from me! Because of your mistakes, Mariella came tattling to Chris-”
He lifts his head, staring you down. His eyes are sincere yet concerned. A look you’ve never seen from him, “She what?” 
“I told her to fuck off. I finally stood up for myself and she came in here to tattle.”
Jake closes his eyes and clenches his fists softly, “She’s not the kind you attack with words sunshine.”
You shake your head, not even believing that he’s telling you that you shouldn’t have stood up for yourself, “Jake that’s beside the fucking point. Because of you now I have to choose between walking away from my job or you.” 
“You’re not seriously going to choose are you?” 
“Doesn’t sound like I have a choice. I don’t want to. I want you, but I also need a fucking job. And right now you’ve pissed me off again.” 
“Again, what the fuck was I supposed to do? Do you wish I did nothing at all?”
“No,” You retort, quick to remind him you did want this. 
He rises to his feet, trying to establish some sort of control in the conversation, “Okay, so what then? You knew we were going to be all or nothing, or at least I did. I knew I had to have you, I didn’t think the rule was going to be held up.” 
“Jake.”
He rests his hands on your shoulders, “No, don’t fucking choose. What’s he going to do?”  
“Jake I’m pretty sure he’s going to fire one of us if we don’t pick. And we’re both on thin ice here so it will ultimately be whoever he likes more…” 
Jake shakes his head and drops his hands off of you, beginning to turn towards the door, “Can’t believe it. That you’re even considering it. After everything.” 
You grab his wrist, “After what Jake? After you finally decided you wanted to be with me? After I sat waiting months for you? After you fucked my friend? After you avoided this whole situation? After what?”
He snaps his wrist back to his side and reaches for the door handle. He shoots one last distraught glance back before heading back out into the hallway. 
It was about halfway through their set before Josh jumped off the stage to rush to you. He had been waiting for the right moment to run over to you all night. Shooting you happy glances, singing to you from the stage, and even ushering Jake over to the side you were sitting on so you could see him better. 
He waited until the worst possible moment to rush over to you, during one of Jake’s solos. 
He was worse than you when it came to pushing Jake. You could push him and get away with it, you knew it was all an act. But with Josh… He thought it was all a fun game, not realizing later that you would have to defend his actions like they were your own. 
Josh grabs your hand to lift you out of your seat, so eager to get you on your feet. The chair that you previously occupied clatters behind you. The crowd is completely distracted by Josh, and well, you. He swoops you close to him and soon your feet are moving along to the beat, jumping around with Josh in a flurry of happiness. 
Usually, you only had the enjoyment of watching live music, never participating in it. Here, you were now a part of this moment with them, and the one you wanted most to be happy for you, would clearly find this all too much. 
Josh grabs your hand and spins you around him, moving charismatically, so smoothly; quite romantically. If people were looking, they might think that Josh was the one you were with. Jake’s playing gets more technical with each moment, trying to win back the crowd’s attention, but everyone is watching his twin and you, swirling in a passionate dance on the bar floor. 
A smile is lit across your face; you’ve never had this much fun before, ever. There’s just enough whiskey in your system to completely evaporate any fear, or really notice the crowd cheering you on. You lower your hand across Josh’s waist, and he matches you, squeezing into your hip. You both circle each other, intoxicated in the glow of the moment. 
Jake’s solo slowly clamors to an end, and Josh realizes his cue to run back to the stage. He drops his hand from you and places a fragile kiss on your cheek before rushing back up to the mic. 
The crowd erupts in drunken cheers and you turn to notice the gathering they had made around the floor. They’re on their feet, clapping, enthusiastic about the thrilling moment. You awkwardly curtsey to the group and make your way back to your seat, picking it back up off the ground. 
The spirit of the moment quickly is burned when you look up and see Jake is not matching your excitement. A looming, angered glare is searing through any happiness you feel. He’s barely paying attention to the music, instead, steaming on the side of the stage. Gripping the guitar so tightly you fear it would break with any tighter hold. 
Shit. 
“Chris, can… I’m sorry can we just work this shift and figure it out tonight? I just want to do my job right now.”
Another classic Chris grunt and he waves you off, “Go. It’s gotta happen though. One of the choices.”
“Yes, yes I know,” You grovel, hoping that if you can’t come to a decision, he won’t be picking you to go. 
You rush back over to the bar and continue the chores you had left earlier. Of course, Chris didn’t bother picking up any slack, and neither did Jake. 
The thoughts are unraveling in your mind now. The control you had tried to exert is slowly withering away. Even though you had felt far more tough lately, you still couldn’t completely swallow the soft, emotional side of you. 
What the hell kind of choice is this? Lose your job or lose the boy you fought everything and everyone to have? Why does the universe fucking hate you?! 
Your body felt weighed, completely exhausted by all the drama and all the decisions. If you didn’t have responsibilities outside of this relationship, you would instantly pick Jake, but you can’t risk not having any income. You were a girl alone. No rich mommy or daddy to come to save you when you needed it most. You had given all of that up. No friends that could save you, they were miles away back home. You hate to admit it, but you were truly alone here. 
Sure, you had people, but no one that would be willing to take in a stray. Jake had his brother, he had more than you. It wasn’t fair to compare, but you were thinking it. 
He doesn’t seem to want to give you up either, at least that’s how it feels. He was heartbroken; defeated in that office. Just as sad as you. 
“Coming through-” Jake strides past you, holding onto three drinks, carefully balancing them in his hands, until he’s not. 
You turn to move, not realizing how close he was to you and knock your arm into his, sending the drinks flying over the front of your shirt. 
“Fuck!” You exclaim. 
Jake matches your sentiment, “Oh, shit.” 
You quickly run to grab a rag from the shelves behind the counter, trying to soak up the sticky liquid as fast as you can, before any stains set in. 
“Foul!” Yells one of the nasty regulars.
“Dude, shut up.” Jake retorts, rushing over to assist you, “I’m sorry, I should’ve-”
“It’s fine.” You don’t mean to be harsh, but in that moment all you could do was try to get him away. You didn’t want to think about him, about the situation, about any of it. You just wanted to get back to work. 
“This is Danny, and this is Sam,” Josh introduces the two other members of the band. 
You all gathered around the corner booth at the bar after the set. Jake had been avoiding you, taking his time to pack all of his things. The other boys were far less concerned with cleaning up, and headed straight to the bar, well straight to you. 
“Ohhh, so you’re the mysterious girl we’ve been hearing all about, huh?” Sam crosses his arms over his chest, surveying you, trying to be funny. 
“Oh yes, I’m very mysterious,” You joke back. 
Josh chuckles, “She isn’t one bit mysterious Sam, Jake is just always very vague with his lover’s darling. He doesn’t like to kiss and tell.”
You swallow back a large gulp of Jameson Ginger, “Oh yeah. I’m well aware.” 
Danny echoes into the conversation, trying to eagerly get in, “So how long have you two?...”
“Not long.”
“Oh,” Sam ponders, “I thought. Well, he’s been talking about a bartender for a-”
Josh shoots Sam a concerned look, trying to shut him up.
He knew? Did he know about Mariella? 
“Oh no, I’m not the only bartender,” Your comment is snide and condescending. You hope it’s not making a fool of yourself, but you want everyone to know the games Jake likes to play. 
You feel the alcohol finally hitting you now, maybe you didn’t realize it before, but standing with them for that short few moments was turning your mind into rubber. 
“Sam, c’mon. He’s your brother, you know how he is.” Danny whispers to Sam. 
Shit. Not another brother. 
“Was.” You correct, holding your finger out at Danny, “Let’s hope it’s was.” 
“Yes Mama,” Josh puts his hand on your shoulder, he turns to face the boys, “We like her, so we’re going to hope it’s ‘was’.”
“Where did he even go?” You ask, slurring your words slightly. 
Sam shrugs his shoulders, and is the first to sit in the booth, “I don’t know but I’m not waiting around for him to have any fun!”
“I like your thinking!” Josh exclaims, jumping in the booth beside Sam. 
Danny corrals on the other side of Sam, and Josh pats the empty seat next to him. Fuck. 
You cautiously slide into the booth next to Josh, trying to leave ample space between the two of you. 
The boys are like classic best friends. Danny and Sam seem to have a great bond, completely forgetting the fact that they aren’t blood brothers. They act like they’ve known each other their whole life. Their outfits are almost matching, both in patterned jeans and snug-fitting plain shirts. Their hair is just about the same length, except Danny’s is curly and wild, and Sam’s is sleek and flowing; similar to Jake's.
Josh is clearly the eccentric one of the group, sporting some sort of animal skin vest and low-rise dark wash jeans. He has on so much jewelry it jingles with each movement he makes. He’s practically wearing a tambourine with all the clangs. 
They all speak amongst themselves, raving about the set, the crowd, parts they think they nailed, and parts they want to work on more. It was a nice break for you to just enjoy being there with them, getting to know them just by watching. You were picking their brains without them even realizing that you were doing so. 
The two brothers fake-bickered with each other. Similar to how Josh and Jake would torment each other, but in a much more playful and innocent manner. You could see Jake in both of them, in different ways. Josh, well because they were twins, they shared eerily identical expressions. Josh just carried all of them in a more lighthearted way. Sam, on the other hand, you could see Jake’s sass within him. 
Just as you are finally ready to find a way to sneak into their fun, a presence joins you at the booth. You can feel the heat radiating off of him as he slides into the spot next to you, pushing everyone further down in the booth. His hand reaches over to your thigh, grasping it tightly, marking his territory. 
“Hi, Sunshine.” He grits through labored breaths. 
“Welcome!” Josh roars, “Glad to finally see you joining us!”
“Well, someone had to talk to the manager- who by the way, was very impressed by our performance. He wants us back next month.” Jake says these words as if they aren’t even exciting at all. 
“Oh! That’s awesome!” You cheer, looking around at all the boys. 
Their faces light up with victory, and they immediately start cheers-ing each other. 
Josh nudges your shoulder, “It was most definitely our dancing Mama! That energy got the whole crowd going! You’re our good luck charm.” 
You blush at Josh’s kind words, “Wherever you guys go, I’ll be there to cheer you on…” 
You drop your hand to the table, showing the boys you’re in this with them. They all take turns grabbing your arm and showing their appreciation. 
“Yeah, they really loved you.” Jake sneers. 
The sarcasm is lost on Sam, who pipes up, “Yeah they were all cheering for you guys! It was awesome, they stayed standing the rest of the set!”
Danny nudges Sam and whispers in his ear. Danny is like Sam’s conscious, warning him of all the sourness that is happening at the table. Sam awkwardly smiles. 
Jake pulls your drink from your loose grip and finishes the remainder of it. You shoot him a disgusted glance, furrowing your brow harder than you thought you possibly could. 
The boys all sit in silence, watching this awkward interaction.
Josh is quick to break the ice, like always, “So next time, maybe we can coordinate something? A little moment just for us?”
You turn to him, trying to warn him not to say that in front of Jake. But it’s too late for that. Jake grips your thigh, hard, nearly breaking through your jeans. 
“It’s not her band.” He snaps. 
“Yes Jake, I know it’s not my band,” You crack. 
“I liked your dancing!” Danny encourages, “You were really good!”
You grin back at Danny, thanking him with your expression. 
Josh jumps back into his own conversation, “Ok, but imagine, if we did that spinning thing again, but we lined it up with-” 
“Maybe you can take up one of your solos to dance with her.” Jake is being completely rude. You know the cause of it all. You know why he’s so ill-mannered. You try your best to forgive him but know there’s too much brash to go unnoticed by the others. 
“Josh, let’s think about this another time, okay? Let’s enjoy the victory of the night for now,” You turn to Jake, “Jake, we were just playing around okay?”
Jake rolls his eyes and leans back into the booth. He takes his hand from your thigh and rests both of his wrists on the table, fiddling with the callouses on his fingers. Josh nods his head and finally gets the point. 
Danny jumps up from the booth, excusing himself to go grab some more drinks. The table’s vibe has completely changed, instead of excited conversation, it’s mute. Sam is paying attention to the music playing over the speakers, tapping along to the beat. Josh is trying to get his drink down as fast as he can. And Jake… Is being Jake. 
His mood has been absolutely horrible. All because you chose to have fun. How rude of you.
“Hey,” You poke at him, “You don’t need to be like this right now. You have so much to celebrate!” 
“Oh yeah, let me celebrate that my girlfriend wants to be around everyone here but me.” He growls under a low breath. 
“Jake,” You comfort, “I came here for you, I’m excited for you.” 
“No.” Jake raises himself, and turns his head, angling towards you, “I do believe Josh, is the one that invited you. And if I’m not mistaken, you two were the ones dancing during my solo. Oh and also, it wasn’t you that came to see me after I finished up, it was the drunk old bar manager.” 
“Jake…” This time it isn’t you trying to calm him down, it’s Josh. He’s protecting you. 
“Fuck you Josh, you do this shit on purpose, trying to piss me off.” 
The tension is starting between the two, and you’re quite sure those heavy sips weren’t helping the situation at all. 
“Hey! Need I remind you, who was the one who-”
“Shut up.” 
You glance your head between the two of them, confused. Jake drops his head and turns away from Josh. Josh swirls the ice around in his cup, trying to avoid eye contact with you. 
“Josh…” You pry, “What did you do?” 
“Don’t,” Jake interjects, trying to hold off Josh. 
What the hell was going on? What sort of fucked up twin telepathy was happening. 
“No, no,” You scold, “Maybe I should ask what the fuck you did Jake? Huh?” 
Sam slowly tries to crawl out of the booth, avoiding whatever is about to go down. 
Josh crosses his arm, trying to yield to Jake, “He did nothing.” 
“Okay?” Your voice is shaky, trying to understand if this even involved you. This drunk version of you was trying any way to find out more. “Clearly someone did something.” 
Jake lifts his head, staring down Josh, almost pleading with his eyes to keep quiet. 
“Josh…”
You turn yourself to block Jake’s eyeline, lining yourself up with Josh. 
“Is it about me?” You ask, imploring. Hoping that his answer would be no. 
Josh sighs and drops his arms, bracing himself on either side of his legs. He takes a long breath. 
His silence confirms it all for you. 
Jake echoes in your ear, “Don’t worry about it.”
You scowl back to Jake, “No more hiding shit Jake.” 
He reaches his hand up to his mouth, trying to find the right words to say. Before he even has a chance, Josh lets it spill out. 
“Jake wasn’t going to go back to you.” 
He could have stabbed you in that moment and the feeling would have been the same. 
“Fuck! Josh!” Jake yelps. 
Your heart drops. Jake fighting him is proof enough that what Josh said was true. You turn to Jake, tears welling in your eyes. 
“What…” You push Jake’s shoulder, “the fuck,” another push, “does that mean?”
You feel your whole body shaking with anxiety. The alcohol is climbing up your throat; tears starting to fall from your eyes. 
Josh grabs your hand, trying to prevent you from hitting Jake any further. 
“Mama, listen. He just didn’t think you wanted him anymore. I went over to talk to him about it and told him he should try again.” 
You turn to snap at Josh but feel horrible even thinking about being mean to him. He was honest with you, trying to help. 
“So, but…” You feel absolutely defeated, “So if you hadn’t said anything he wouldn’t have…?”
Jake turns completely away from the two of you, dropping his head into his hands, trying to breathe through it. 
“You fucking ruin everything, Josh. You always get to be the sun. You always get to save the day.” 
You turn to Jake, cautious to defend Josh, “Jake you need to tell me what happened.” 
Jake doesn’t turn back to you. Josh tries to grab your hand one last time, silently asking you to go easy on Jake. 
“Why wouldn’t you come back?” Your voice is breaking completely now. The rush of emotions is piling through you, breaking your heart all over again. 
Knowing he didn’t want to come back felt like it was all your fault. You were the one who turned him away before knowing the entire story. But also, you had a right to be upset. The juxtaposition of it all was fucking with you. Who was right? 
Jake is still silent, holding himself up in his palms. You turn back to Josh, begging for any sort of help. His hands rest on his cheeks, realization setting in of what he did. He went too far. Twins weren’t meant to be this damaging to each other. The public tension of it all was awkward, pushing each other too far. 
“What’d I miss!” Danny perkily walks over to the table, holding everyone’s choice of drinks. Sam’s trying to hide behind him, knowing what situation he left. 
You pout through the tears, showing Danny that he didn’t miss anything too good. 
You rise from your seat, standing on the wooden bench, climbing over Josh to leave the booth. You pat the two best friends on the shoulder, apologizing through silent chokes of your tears. 
Sam gingerly hands you your next round, placing the glass in your hand, and patting your knuckles. You awkwardly smile back at him, thanking him for the drink. 
You take a hefty swig and place the remainder of the drink in front of Jake, “Here… Unlike you, I don’t like putting good things to waste.”
The boys all wince through their teeth, and Jake jolts up to scowl at the boys. 
You secretly run past the booth and into the dark bathroom in the back of the bar. 
The shift is by no means easy. The two of you are in the worst rhythm you’ve ever had. Even on your first shift together, it was like magic. You could almost sense each other coming, you were good at trading off tasks. Tonight…. Was not that. 
Jake screwed up three orders, and you took two more drinks to the chest. Each time exclaims were made between the both of you, and patrons took it upon themselves to call out. The understanding for your bodies that you had just hours earlier was completely gone, completely out of sync. 
Usually, it would just be you struggling with your own thoughts, but you could tell the weight of the situation was sitting heavy on Jake. You had left things in a horrible, but justified place. You didn’t exactly feel bad for what you said, because, well it was the truth. So what Jake had to give up a booty call? You were the one that got the shit end of the stick every time. 
The bathroom was full of women. They were all slightly older than you, and mostly concerned with their friends who were far too drunk, or paying attention to how their makeup was holding up. 
You snuck through them, trying to find the one empty stall. You closed the door behind you and quickly locked it, stowing yourself away. The echoes of their voices melted with the loud music vibrating on the walls. 
Fuck.
What the hell? 
He couldn’t even look at you. 
He couldn’t even admit it. 
Why wouldn’t he come back? 
Well… You did kind of end that last night on bad terms. During that entire week, you wanted to run back to him; but you didn’t. He just needed a push. But what if he never got that push? What if he never showed up to tell you what actually happened… 
He never even tried to explain himself at the bar. He just kept trying to get you going. He can’t admit when he’s wrong. Does he have to be persuaded into being nice? Not entirely. Not all the time… 
Chris is about ready to lock up. He does his usual survey of all the surfaces, walking laps around each table, around the counters, really just pretending to look at everything. There really weren’t any expectations for the cleanliness of each table. He was actually just waiting for one of us to say something to him. For one of us to have decided. 
It was the stupidest fucking rule known to man. It’s a bar. People are bound to start fucking each other. Thats life. 
Jake and you had not broached the subject any further. There was no time and no further discussion to be had yet. It was the worst decision for either of you to make. It was utterly ridiculous. You didn’t expect Jake to give up his job either and almost started to believe that this was some sort of ending.
You tried not to think about it too much. Tried not to let that reality set in until you knew it for a fact. 
One last swipe of the counter, and you had completely cleaned up. Jake on the other hand was sweeping the floors, trying not to clean up in the same area. You try your hardest not to keep staring at him, but you want so badly for him to look at you. You want to figure this out… together. 
He places the large broom at the corner of the bar and strides over to Chris. You’re watching it play out in front of your eyes like a movie. You pretend to be distracted at the POS, but sneaking glances over your shoulder. 
Chris runs his hand over Jake’s shoulder and gives him a firm shake. Jake drops his head and nods. Reaching up to pat Chris’ hand. And just like that it’s over. 
What… What happened? 
Jake strides out of the bar, avoiding your eye contact, and slowly disappearing into the hallway. 
Oh, what the fuck? 
This is it. This is the end. Jake is giving you up. This wouldn’t be a romance novel. He wouldn’t run to you and lift you up, he wasn’t going to kiss you like no one was watching. He was just going to walk away, again. 
You throw your hands up, staring down Chris, trying to emulate ‘what the fuck’ with your body language. 
Chris mopes over to the counter, dragging out the moment as long as possible. He plops himself down on the stool in front of you, clasping his hands on the bar. 
“Go home. See you on Monday this week, kid.” 
So wait… He just… 
“Wait… What the fuck just happened?” You’re completely flustered, almost not believing what this means. 
“Jake quit. Go home. Talk to him.” 
TAGLIST (ILY GUYS!!!) Sorry if I missed anyone!
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gold-onthe-inside · 1 year ago
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comfortember day 5 - treehouse
derek x gn!reader
summary: set after 2.12 (profiler, profiled). after carl buford is arrested, derek morgan seeks comfort from an old childhood friend.
warnings: references to murdered children and child sexual assault.
You saw it on your way home from work, the hanging of the ladder from that old worn out treehouse, pulling your earphones out and letting them dangle over your scarf. Curious, you walked to the yard instead of the front door, dropping your bag at the foot of the tree and climbing up. 
“Well, hello there,” you said, smiling fondly at Derek Morgan sitting with his back against the wall in a dark suit. 
He smiled at you, a lot weaker than the charming smile that had won you over in a heartbeat as kids. “Hey, you,” he replied as you took a seat beside him. 
“I haven’t been back up here in years,” you confessed, deciding not to press him too much. Not yet, anyway. 
“I can’t believe it’s still here,” Derek said with a huff, looking around at the walls while you look at him properly. 
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it the other night,” you told him. “ER was completely filled, they needed all hands. I even bought your mom a present and everything.”
“Probably for the best,” Derek said. “Gordinski showed up.”
“That ass?” you asked, instantly frowning. “What’d he want this time? A pound of flesh?”
“You remember that kid I found?” Derek asked you. “The one we collected money for a funeral?”
“How could I forget?” you replied softly.
“He thought I had something to do with it.”
“The hell?” you demanded, growing more pissed with every word that came out of Derek’s mouth. “We were like, 12!”
“Yeah, well, he arrested me,” Derek said bitterly. “My boss found out, brought the whole team down to figure out what was going on.”
You frowned at him, shifting to look at him properly, legs crossed like you’re in the fourth grade again. “Der, what aren’t you telling me?” you asked, tone concerned. 
“They found out about Carl,” Derek said weakly. “About the lake and the cabin and all of it.”
“Fuck,” you swore quietly and Derek hit his head against the wall, eyes closed like he was trying not to cry. 
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to go home,” Derek said. “I don’t think I have it in me to lie to her anymore.”
And everything slotted into place – the suit, the fact that he’s in this old treehouse, the fatigue in his fucking soul. 
“What do you want to do?” you asked softly. “We can sit here and talk, I can make up a spare room for you… I’m here, however you want me.”
Derek’s hand found yours, slipping into it like a key in a lock. “Just sit here with me?”
You pressed his knuckles to your lips and scooted over so you’re both shoulder to shoulder. “Course.”
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streetlight11 · 1 year ago
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What Are You Doing Here?
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Summary: It's been 6 years since you earned the title of being an Aunt to one of the most beautiful little girl you've ever laid eyes on. She was your sister's daughter and you love her with all your heart. So what happens when you go over to your sister's place to surprise both her and your niece, only to meet the babysitter who has been looking after your niece for a few weeks now?
Theme: babysitter au, ex-schoolmates to lovers
Genre: slowburn, romance, fluff
Warnings: mild language, mentions of irresponsible partner,
W/C: 10.9k
Pairing: Babysitter!Changmin x Fem!Reader
a/n: Hello! I'm back with another fanfic! Apologies for my horrible description about y/n's work and job role because I know nothing about finance and how it works 🤡 Hope you like the overall fanfic though 🙏🏼
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6 years ago, your sister gave birth to the most gorgeous little human being you’ve ever seen. She was the reason why you became an aunt. You love your niece with all your heart, promising to be there beside her every step of the way. Reason being the guy who got your sister pregnant who is supposedly her boyfriend of 3 years, had chosen to abandon his responsibilities as a father when he found out she was carrying his child. You were beyond furious with him to the point where you actually went down to his apartment to curse the fuck out of him.
After your niece was born, you made sure that you were there with her as she grew up. She was the reason why you look forward to living everyday. There wasn’t a day where you didn’t spend time with her. When you were in college, you worked as a part time barista to pay off your school fees and monthly expenses on food and stuff. The extra money you had was spent on her toys, snacks, food, anything that would make her happy and lessen your sister’s burden in a way.
She is a single mom after all so it’s only right for you to help out with whatever you can. Whenever your sister has to work or is busy with something, you’re always there to help her out no matter how tired or busy you are. A few years following her birth, your sister had saved enough money to rent an apartment solely for her and her daughter, Lucy.
As much as she was thankful that your parents were okay with having her and Lucy live in your family home, your sister wanted to move out because your parents were already old and she didn’t want to burden them even more. Taking care of two kids was already enough for them. Therefore, your sister rented a place not too far from your campus. During the first three years after you graduated high school, you were still living with your parents.
When you finally saved enough money, that’s when you moved out and rented an apartment that was just a 15 minutes walk from your sister’s place. It was way easier to travel back and forth to look after Lucy and spend time with her ever since.
Sometimes you would go to their place, sometimes they would come to your place. You are pretty close with your sister. You loved her unconditionally so to see her go through parenthood alone, it definitely breaks your heart but you also see how strong she is. Not many people can do this and yet, here she is. You are beyond proud of her.
It’s been 7 years since you graduated high school and you are now a working adult. You are working under a pretty well known company. Your job is stressful but most of the time, you have very codependent team members whom you work well with. You are thankful that your team is a bunch of nice people who you can bond with. The team has a total of 5 people and you’re all really good friends with each other. There was Jieun, who is your team leader, Yoongi, Taehyung, Yeji and yourself.
You have been working with this company and the team for almost 2 years now and you’re still grateful for it till today. Whenever you’re having a whole load of work stress, they’re always there to relieve it. Even your sister knows them because of how often you tell her about them.
However a few months ago, your CEO announced that they were starting this new production line which will be a test to see how well the sales are. If it goes well, they will launch the product for good and put it out on the market. Your job was to keep an eye on the sales and calculate the financial impact of the product. It’s stressful but at least you have a team working with you on it.
Due to this new project, you had to OT more often every week and this has led to you only seeing Lucy on weekends and less on weekdays. It sucks that you have to spend less time with your niece but at least you still see her on weekends.
It was a Saturday afternoon and you promised to bring Lucy to the mall. So it was Lucy, your sister and yourself who are going to the mall to hang out for the day. Jisoo drove so she placed Lucy in her baby chair at the back seat while you sat in front with your sister. Lucy was sleeping so you had this time to have a private chat with Jisoo about life and work. A year ago, you were dating someone you met at university. He was two years younger than you and everything was going well with him.
He was your person.
Unfortunately, with the accumulating fights and disagreements began to slowly build up at one point, a huge argument happened one day and both of you decided to break things off after realizing that it might never work. Both of you had very different perceptions of things and could never come together as one. Therefore, that was the only logical thing to do and this all happened just over 2 months ago.
“I haven’t heard about him in a while. Lucy asked me about him recently too.” Jisoo said, only for you to stare blankly into the dashboard.
It took you a while to reply but when you did, you had to take a deep breath first and said, “We broke up…” Your sister glanced at you briefly but made sure to keep her focus on the road.
“When?”
“2 months ago, give or take…” You said quietly to avoid waking Lucy up.
“I’m sorry.” She said, making you shake your head.
“No, it’s fine. I just feel like we’re too different and we’re no longer compatible with each other. So I didn’t wanna waste my time pining over someone who doesn’t wanna work together.”
“Well, I guess you did the right thing then… What are you gonna tell her though?” Jisoo asked as you glanced at the back seat to find Lucy sleeping.
“I won’t say anything to her until she asks me about him, I guess…”
“Yeah, I think it’s best if she hears it from you instead of me.” Jisoo said. You agreed with her decision because it’s your life so you should be the one sharing, not her. Just then, she changes the topic to avoid the awkward atmosphere about your ex boyfriend.
“By the way, I know I should’ve told you sooner but a few weeks after you started to get busy with your OTs, I started to keep getting night shifts so I decided to hire a babysitter. It’s been a month now. And guess what?”
“What?”
“Lucy loves him! She adores him so much, it’s literally so adorable.”
“Wait a minute… Your babysitter is a guy?” You asked in disbelief.
“Yeah. Young and handsome too.” She said with a cheeky wink, causing you to gag. Your sister then scoffs at your reaction to defend herself before you get the wrong idea.
“Not for me, you fool. I’m telling you that he’s young and handsome.” She smirked teasingly to which you rolled your eyes.
“How young? And I don’t trust your tastebuds.”
“Rude. Look, he’s your age and I’m telling you… He is drop dead gorgeous.” She said but all you did was brush her off.
You still won’t believe her until you see him for yourself. Only then will you agree with whether he’s handsome or not.
You changed the topic again, not wanting to wake Lucy up as Jisoo finally pulls into the mall car park. All three of you got out of the car once it was properly parked and made your way into the mall. You spend almost half a day there, grabbing lunch, going to the clothing store to shop for your things, going to a toy store to buy Lucy new toys and plushies, going to watch a new cartoon movie in the cinema.
All in all, it was a very good day well spent with Lucy after a stressful week at work. Unfortunately, your day was being cut short when your sister got a last minute call from her senior nurse telling her to come down tonight to cover a shift for her colleague who took an urgent leave. You were pissed because today was supposed to be Jisoo’s day off but there’s nothing much you can say. Even if you told your sister to tell them it’s her day off, she would still go down to cover the shift.
Which is why you were now at her apartment to keep Lucy company for the night while your sister left for work. After she left, you showered Lucy and prepared her dinner. You were just feeding her dinner in the living room when she came to you with a sketchbook filled with drawings.
“Wow, did you draw these?” You asked as she sat in your lap to flip through the pages.
“Yeah! But Uncle Minie drew some of it!” She said, making you wonder if that was the name of her babysitter.
“Is Uncle Minie a good person?”
“He is! He’s very nice to me and mommy.”
“Mmm, you must really like him then, don’t you?” You said and as a result, she giggled adorably in your lap.
“I do! You have to meet him… I think you will like him too, Auntie Y/N!” She said so all you could do was smile. You continued to play with her after dinner until she grew tired so you could tuck her into bed. When she was finally asleep, you cleaned up the house a little before taking a shower and went to bed.
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Almost a month has passed since you last saw Lucy and your sister. Work got very hectic and your schedule has been pretty off lately. You had to work on weekends for the past few weeks and it was mentally draining. The project has been a success recently which is why you had to work extra everyday but your schedule was starting to simmer down and was now proceeding to launch it for real and properly this time. Nevertheless, it has been really tiring for you but thankfully you had your team with you to motivate each other and give words of encouragement to one another.
It was a Friday evening and you decided to surprise Lucy and your sister tonight after not seeing them for so long. Before heading over to their place though, you didn’t forget to stop by Lucy’s favourite fast food restaurant to get her french fries. It was her ultimate favourite snack that she would never fail to ask for whenever you brought her out or came over to the house. You bought extra food so everyone could eat, including the babysitter just in case he was hungry.
It didn’t take long to arrive at your sister’s apartment so when you made it in front of her door, you gave it a few knocks and waited patiently for someone to open it. The one who ended up greeting you at the door was Lucy.
“Hi baby!” You said as she hugged your hips tightly with his small dainty arms.
“How are you, my favourite niece?” You asked as she let go of your hips to let you walk in. You closed the door behind you as Jisoo came out from the kitchen with her uniform already worn.
“I’m good, auntie!” Lucy said, making you kiss the top of your head before holding out the bags of food in your hand.
“I bought all of us dinner. And I bought you fries, Lucy!”
“Yay!” She cheered as she ran off and disappeared into the living room.
“What time are you leaving for work?” You asked as your sister took the bags from you while you took off your heels by the door.
“Soon. I have to come early tonight because one of the nurses took an urgent leave.” She said.
“Eat something first at least before you go. Don’t delay your dinner.” You scolded her while she quietly took out the fries from the bag. You helped her take a plastic plate from the cabinet, passing it to her. She then took out a handful of fries and placed it on the plate before you took it and brought it to the living room where Lucy was playing with her dolls.
“Lucy, auntie will put your fries here okay?” You said as she ran over to take one and put it in her mouth while excitedly thanking you. Just when you turn to go back to the kitchen, a figure comes out of the hallway only to stop dead in his tracks. His eyes were completely wide from shock.
“Changmin? What are you doing here?” His name slips off your tongue naturally as your sister looks back and forth between you and Changmin. He was speechless and so were you until Lucy ran up to his side and held his hand in hers with a bright smile.
“Auntie, how do you know Uncle Minie? Is he your boyfriend too?” Lucy asked as you glanced over to your sister and then to Changmin. He was still staring at you quietly but his eyes were no longer wide so you looked at Lucy and smiled.
“H-He’s just an old friend, who happens to be a boy. Not my boyfriend.” You explained to her while she let go of his arm and hops over to you when you gestured her to come to you.
“Who is your boyfriend then?” She asked, to which you kneeled down beside the coffee table while you pulled her into your lap.
“Remember Uncle Sunwoo?”
“The one who gave me the stitch soft toy?” She asked and you smiled at her.
“Yes. Do you remember him?”
“I do!”
“That was my boyfriend.” You said while gently cupping her cheek.
“Why isn’t Uncle Sunu here today?” She asked, only for you to accidentally glance up to find Changmin staring at you quietly with no particular expression on his face.
“Because he’s no longer my boyfriend anymore, that’s why he’s not here. But it’s okay, you have Uncle Changmin now right? I heard you like Uncle Changmin a lot.” You asked, only for her to giggle and point to him with a bright smile on her face.
“Yes! I like Uncle Minie!” She said. After you’ve let go of her, she runs back to him only to bring him to her play area in front of the tv.
You’ve known Changmin since kindergarten and high school. You used to bicker with him a lot and because he was your classmate, all the more reason for you to fight with him almost everyday. As much as you don’t like him at the time, you don’t consider him your enemy though. It’s not like you despise him or anything as a person. Sure he’s sort of similar to you in terms of being introverts but other than that, he’s too much of a weirdo to actually understand how he sees things when he was younger. Therefore, the endless amount of arguments with him. And after graduating, you never saw him again.
You went back into the kitchen to help pack the food for your sister, making sure she wouldn’t starve at work knowing how she is when she’s stressed or is thinking too much about things she chooses not to share with anyone. So when you placed the bag of burger and fries in her smaller lunch bag, you reminded her to eat when she’s having her break time and to not skip her meals during work. You then walked with her to the front door only to call Lucy over.
“Lucy, your mommy’s going to work.”
“Okay! Bye mommy!” She said as she ran to your sister to give her a hug and kiss. You were just watching them when Changmin’s voice sounded softly from behind you.
“Didn’t expect to see you again.” He said.
“Me too… Didn’t take you for a babysitter.”
“This is just a past time thing…”
“But you babysit her almost everyday.”
“Because I like her.” Upon hearing his words, this made you whip your head to him with a frown.
“My sister or my niece?” You narrowed your eyes at him.
“What do you think? Not gonna lie though, your sister’s pretty hot.” That’s when you slapped his arm and glared at him.
“My sister is off limits you pervert.” You scolded him, only for him to cackle.
“Fine. What about her sister then? Is she off limits too?” It took you a while to realise what he was saying and before you could even reply to him, Lucy was already rushing to you and waving to her mother.
“Bye sis.” You smiled as you gestured to Lucy to follow Changmin while you went to lock the front door. You came back to the living room to find Changmin teasing her by stealing her fries. You’ve never seen this side of him. Who knew Changmin of all people would be this good to a child especially considering he’s the youngest in his family.
About an hour or so later after you’ve showered and changed into your pyjamas since you’ve already planned to sleep over, you came back out to find Lucy curled up in Changmin’s lap on the couch. Paw Patrol was playing on the screen but it seemed like no one was really watching. You carefully walked closer to find Changmin patting her to sleep in his arms. He saw you from the corner of his eye so he glanced over his shoulder with a small smirk on his face.
“I think she’s in love with me.” He said, making you roll your eyes at him.
“I doubt that.” You walked over to kneel in front of his legs only to gently cup her face.
“Darling, come on. Let’s get you to bed.” You softly said as she stirred awake.
“Are you sleeping here tonight?” She asked tiredly while her tiny head was still against his chest.
“Yes, darling.”
Just then, Lucy looked up at Changmin and asked, “Are you sleeping here too?”
Changmin couldn’t help but glance over to you for a brief second before answering her, “I don’t have to sleep over tonight since your Auntie Y/N is here.” He said but she instantly whined.
“But… I want both of you here.” She said, making you stunned. Both Changmin and you exchanged looks for a second as if to figure out what to say but he beat you to it.
“Alright then. Uncle Min will stay with you and Auntie Y/N, okay?”
“Okay.” She giggled tiredly as she opened her arms to you so you took her onto your waist and carried her to her room. Once you’ve tucked her in, you sang her to sleep. Her favourite lullaby that apparently, only you and Changmin can sing for her. Lucy wouldn’t let your sister sing for her. She would ask your sister to read her a bedtime story instead. You made sure she was already fast asleep before you kissed her forehead and left the bedroom door slightly ajar. You came back outside to find Changmin cleaning up the mess she made with her toys.
While he was doing that, you cleared the kitchen by putting the leftover food in the fridge and throwing away whatever is deemed as trash. Both of you were working in silence, never once talking to each other. After you finished cleaning the kitchen, you went to the living room to find it empty. Changmin must’ve gone inside to sleep so you let out a soft sigh of relief. About half an hour later, you were just watching a tv series on netflix when soft footsteps came approaching you from behind. Before you could turn, Changmin came into your peripheral vision and sat down next to you.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” He asked as a strong whiff of vanilla filled your nostrils. It must be the body wash you saw in the bathroom.
“I could ask you the same question.” You said, earning a click of his tongue.
“I’m not sleepy yet. Your turn.”
“I need a break before I do a bit of work.” You said and he finally turns to you with a frown. You looked at him and gave him a shrug of your shoulders, “What?”
“It’s already after hours… What work do you possibly have to do?” He asked only for you to sigh.
“My work… You wouldn’t know.” You ended off in a whisper while turning your focus back to the tv. A few minutes later, Changmin excused himself quietly without telling you where he was going. Not like you cared or anything. So when you realised he never came back out after an hour, you guessed he was asleep. You stayed up till 4 in the morning just working on the upcoming project you had with the company’s sales.
You were doing your work at the kitchen island with your back facing the hallway. At one point during the night, Changmin left the guest room to go to the bathroom. He saw you seated on the stool with fingers tangled in your hair. He was curious to know what work you had to do that made you stay up all night but he wasn’t going to ask. He saw that it was nearing 4am and it kind of worried him a little. Changmin knew how tiring and mentally draining it is to stay up late to do work so he could only hope you’ll get the rest you deserve.
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Days began to pass by fast, making sure to visit your sister’s house a few times a week on days where you weren’t working overtime so that you could spend time with Lucy again. It’s been over three months now and you’ve been to their house almost every week now. Of course not everyday since the project was still going on. And in all the times you came over, Changmin was always around. There are times when he’s oddly nice and kind to you, never once picking on you. Other times he was always being a little ass to you briefly so Lucy doesn’t catch on.
One thing’s for sure, Changmin has never really said something that made you absolutely pissed before so that’s good in a way. It was a Thursday evening and you made it to your sister’s apartment a few minutes after she left. You had to stay at the office for a bit and she had to leave early due to an emergency. Therefore, you didn’t get the chance to meet her. However, it’s okay because you still went over to spend time with Lucy.
You brought cakes for dessert, knowing she loves the strawberry shortcakes that were sold at a nearby cafe. When you reached their doorstep, you gave it a few knocks, only to hear her high pitched voices and soft footsteps rushing towards the door.
“Auntie!” She exclaimed excitedly as she carefully tiptoed to grab onto the door handle. But before she would accidentally wedge her toes under the door, Changmin was quick to hold onto the side of the door while gently telling her to step away from it.
With that being said, she hopped to the side only to hug your leg so you wrapped your arm around her hip and carried her up with one arm while the other was holding onto the bag of cakes. Changmin closed the door while you took off your shoes, only to feel him take the bag from you quietly and bring it to the kitchen. This allows you to properly hug Lucy and playfully swing her around as she laughs against your chest. You then placed her down on her feet, running back to her toys in the living room.
Changmin was just staring at the cakes so you couldn’t help but giggle softly at his sim-like behaviour and asked, “Why are you just staring blankly at the cakes? Is there something wrong with it?”
“No… I just, I’m trying to figure out which cake is Lucy’s.” Changmin said as you came to stand beside him.
“Make a guess.” You said. It took him 3 tries but when he finally got it, he decided to act smug about it like he was just trying to test you.
“I knew which one she liked. I just wanted to see if you knew.” Changmin said, making you mock him with a laugh. He made a silly face to you while rolling his eyes, earning a soft slap to his chest before calling for your niece. She came over to you and was utterly surprised upon seeing her favourite cake.
“Is this mine?” She asked excitedly, making you nod.
“Yeah! Do you want me to feed you or do you wanna eat it on your own?”
“Hmm… I want Uncle Minie to feed me.” She giggled while sticking her tongue out the side of her mouth teasingly. You faked a shocked face and soon pretended to get upset.
“Do you like Uncle Minie more or Auntie more?” You asked.
“Uncle Minie.” Lucy said with a laugh and that was it. You wanted to get back at her for choosing an outsider over yourself. Of course this was all just for fun and games, you weren’t actually this petty. However, while all this was happening, Changmin was actually enjoying this scene in front of him where you were having a playful banter with your niece. He was almost adoring you in a way where nobody else would realise unless someone was there to see his reaction live.
“Fine. Then you can’t have Uncle Minie. He’s mine.” You said as you stood in front of Changmin to shield her from him. Lucy laughed as she tried to go to the side but you followed her to block her. She was laughing till her heart’s content, failing to get to her babysitter who was all the while just standing there with the most fondest smile on his face.
Just when Lucy was holding your hands to apologise for choosing him instead of you, the pair of warm hands sliding over your waist and around your front was enough to catch you off guard as you accidentally crashed backwards into Changmin’s chest.
“Lucy ah, if you want uncle Minie, you have to want auntie Y/N too or else she’s gonna be very sad. Okay?” Changmin said as you tried so desperately hard not to turn your head because if you did, the chances of accidentally kissing him is very high. Not that you wouldn’t want that to be honest. But at least not right now. So with that being said, Lucy giggled and she quickly apologised to you before hugging you. Changmin had already pulled away from you but he was so tempted to keep his arms around you.
After you’ve kissed the top of her head, Changmin held her hand and brought her to the front to play and eat before she went to bed. All the while, you helped to tidy the house a little so that your sister wouldn’t have to do much cleaning when she gets home from work tomorrow. Hours later, you had just put Lucy to bed and so it was time for you to leave since you’re working tomorrow.
You came back out to find Changmin just finished cleaning up her scattered toys and putting them back in her basket. He stood up and immediately locked eyes with you, feeling something tickle your stomach.
“You’re not staying?” He spoke up first while he slowly approached you.
“I have work tomorrow. I have to come early and stay late to finish up the quotas for the project.” You sighed, watching as he stopped right in front of you. All you needed to do was stretch your arms out, grab his shirt and pull him in but of course you’re not gonna do that.
“So I’m assuming that you won’t be stopping by tomorrow evening?” He asked.
“Probably not… Why? Are you gonna miss me?” You couldn’t help but ask as a smirk slowly creeps onto your face.
“Miss you? I think you’re delusional, babe.”
“Am I?” You asked, seeing the way his eyes grew a tad larger for just a split second before it shrunk back to his original size.
“I’d miss you any day.” Changmin teased you back, now you’re the one who’s speechless. He laughed at your reaction, thinking you were hella cute as he watched you take your work bag and was making your way straight to the door. You left without another word said to him, hearing his cackle grow softer the minute the door was shut. As soon as Changmin had locked the doors and was making his way back into the apartment, he caught Lucy standing in the middle of the hallway just tiredly rubbing her eyes and was slightly groggy.
“Where did auntie go?” She asked so he carefully walked to her and carried her onto his waist to bring her back to her room.
“Auntie has to go home, darling. She has to work tomorrow.” Changmin gently explained to her while laying her back onto her bed and pulling the blankets over.
“Uncle Min?”
“Yes baby?”
“Do you like my auntie?” Lucy asked as she yawned but was patiently waiting for his answer. Changmin took no less than a minute to answer her question easily in a heartbeat.
“Yes I do. I like your auntie… I like her a lot.”
“You should tell her. I like you with my auntie a lot too.” She said as she slowly fell asleep again. Changmin unconsciously smiled, remembering this conversation. He definitely wasn’t lying to her about how he feels about you.
If only he can tell you…
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A week has passed, as usual, your sister was working a night shift today and Changmin would be at her place to look after Lucy. Since it was a Friday evening, you were okay with sleeping over at your sister’s place since you’re not working tomorrow. So when you went there, everyone was present in the house. However, there is a new individual who is in the house and he was playing with Lucy while Changmin and your sister were in the kitchen preparing Lucy’s dinner.
“Hey! I’m here.” You said after Lucy greeted you at the door. Once you’ve taken off your heels, you made your way further into the house only to lock eyes with the new guy who soon stood up to greet you.
“Hello? I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ve met you before. You are?” You asked politely as he let out an awkward laugh and responded to your question nicely.
“I’m Heegeun. Jisoo’s uh… friend.” He smiled and you could tell he was lying but you never pry any further.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m her younger sister, Y/N.” You said before making your way into the kitchen. She was practically hiding behind Changmin so you pinched her side softly in annoyance.
“He’s not just your friend, is he? Who is he? Your boyfriend?” You asked in a whisper all behind Changmin who was scooping out the rice porridge into a bowl for Lucy. Even then, Changmin couldn’t help but smirk hearing this conversation happening right behind him.
“He’s… ah. I’ll explain tomorrow. I have to go now.” Jisoo escaped despite you trying to hold her back.
“Heegeun ah, let’s go. Lucy, mommy will see you tomorrow okay? I love you.” Jisoo said as she bid her daughter goodbye at the doorway. Meanwhile, you clicked your tongue in annoyance and whispered to yourself, “Ugh. He’s definitely not her friend…” Nevertheless, you heard the door click shut and Lucy soon went back to her toys. So you took this opportunity to interrogate Changmin instead.
“Why are you smiling? You know something, don’t you?” You asked, only for him to shrug his shoulders teasingly.
“I don’t know anything. He was already here when I came about an hour ago.” Changmin said, making you growl.
“There’s something fishy going on here…” You said while narrowing your eyes at him but then changed the topic as you took the bowl and walked over to Lucy to feed her dinner.
Your mind keeps drifting off to the guy earlier and you can’t stop worrying about history repeating itself again. Ever since what happened with Lucy’s biological father, you have gotten awfully overprotective towards your sister that you tend to analyse whoever wants to date her. So the fact that this guy suddenly appears in the picture without your sister telling you a thing about him, makes you feel slightly skeptical.
All the while you were just blankly staring into space with your mind somewhere else, Changmin was actually observing you. He kept smiling to himself knowing you were probably going crazy about who the guy was and all that. When you knew it was pointless to keep thinking about that guy’s relation with your sister, you just glanced to the left randomly with no particular intentions. Unfortunately, that caused you to lock eyes with Changmin but all he did was smirk at you charmingly.
After you’ve fed Lucy, you went to clean up the kitchen while Changmin accompanied her for the next few minutes before bringing her to bed. It took him less than 10 minutes to get her to finally sleep as he leaves her room quietly. Changmin walks into the living room to find you seated on the couch just watching your favourite american youtuber duo on the smart tv.
Changmin soon came to join you, sitting so close to you that you could literally rest your leg on his thigh since you sat with your legs bent into your chest. Still in your work clothes but thankfully you’re in formal pants so it’s fine to sit like that.
“What would you do if that guy is actually dating your sister?” Changmin suddenly asks, causing you to get agitated again.
“I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t break her heart and treat her the way she deserves to be treated or else I’ll come for his throat.”
“Woah. You’re literally threatening him.” He laughed but you frowned.
“After what that asshole did when he found out my sister was pregnant, I’m never letting any guy come near her unless he’s proved to me that he’s worthy of my sister.” You said protectively and he could sense that from you. Nevertheless, he totally understands where you’re coming from.
“So what kind of guys do you like?” He suddenly changes the topic, catching you off guard a little.
“I-I… I actually don’t know… If I like someone, I’ll just know I guess.”
“How would you know if you like someone?” He asked, making you shy all of a sudden. It was difficult for you to answer at first but you managed to do it after a few seconds of buffering.
“W-Well… When I have butterflies while being around them? Or maybe when I feel comfortable and safe around them?” Changmin seemed to digest your answer as you wondered why he was asking you this question. Just then, he got up and said he wanted to go to sleep claiming he’s tired and sleepy. You bid him goodnight as you went to take a shower before going to bed yourself.
The next morning, your sister came home at about 8am as she found you sleeping in her bed. That same afternoon when Jisoo had already gotten her sleep since today was her day off, the four of you decided to hang out at the mall. Changmin was the one driving today so you sat in front with him while your sister and niece sat at the back. All the while, Lucy poked her head through the gap in the middle between you and Changmin. She sang and danced to the songs that Changmin put on his car radio just for her.
At one point, while Lucy was just talking to her mother about something out the window, you glanced back only to smile at the sight. The car gradually came to a stop at the traffic junction so you turned to look in front but instead, you caught Changmin’s gaze on you.
“What?” You asked softly, earning a cheeky little smile from him. One that wakes the butterflies in your stomach.
“Have I ever mentioned you’re pretty?” He suddenly flirts with you despite knowing there’s two other people in the back.
“Shut up.” You dismissed him with a shy laugh, knowing he’s just being playful. There’s absolutely no way he actually means what he said… Right?
Just then, Changmin glared and clicked his tongue at you to show that he was probably disappointed with your reaction. Though, knowing how he is, he was just joking with his reaction and it was true because he then replied, “Ungrateful…” Upon hearing this, you gently punched his arm and he hissed but never got angry for real. How did you know? Because right after he did that, you could see the way the corner of his lips curled up.
In another 10 minutes, you arrived at the mall where Changmin finally parked the car in the parking lot upstairs. The moment the engine was turned off, Lucy was already scrambling out of the car and was dragging her mother into the lobby which leads straight into the shopping mall. She was so eager to go see the toy shops she saw the other day. While the two mother and daughter were walking ahead, you waited for Changmin to get out of the car and locked it before walking with him.
You were going to turn the corner where the slope is when Changmin slid his right arm around your waist from behind to pull you in right as a car was speeding down the slope.
“Watch where you’re going, pretty.” Changmin said, making you blush.
“I-I was about to stop…” You faked an excuse as he squeezed your side softly before letting go.
Both of you made it safely into the mall, not surprised when you saw the two of them entering the toy shop just opposite from the lobby. You walked towards the shop and went inside to find them. Lucy was going around, looking at all the toys and playsets but your sister told her not to get any because she already has a lot at home.
Lucy isn’t the kind to cry and beg her mother for something she wants but you can see from her expression. Your heart breaks whenever you see her like that so when all of you were now at an ice cream shop, everyone had their own ice creams except for Lucy. She was sulking so she didn’t wanna buy anything even when her mother consoled her. With that being said, you looked at Lucy who was seated diagonally across from you and beside Changmin with a smile.
“Hey Lucy darling, mind if you accompany me go see a dress at one of the shops? I think I might change my mind about it.” At first she just shook her head and hung her head against Changmin’s chest. So you got up and went over to her side before you cupped her face and made her look at you gently, giving you the chance to whisper to her something her mother couldn’t catch.
“I’ll buy whatever you want from the toy store but don’t tell mommy.” That was all you said as she finally tore away from Changmin and kept her sad face on but decided to follow you. It was only when the two of you were no longer visible in their sight that you high fived her and she giggled excitedly to you.
Meanwhile, after you left, Changmin was just eating his ice cream when your sister suddenly spoke up from her seat diagonally across from him.
“Changmin, you’re a really nice guy and apparently a very good babysitter.”
“Oh. Thanks? I’m just doing my job.” Changmin said with a laugh, only for her to smile.
“But I think it’s time for me to talk to you about this…” She paused to give him the element of suspense. He was thinking that he was gonna be in trouble for something he did wrong or maybe even fired at this point. Except, the question that came out of her mouth was the least expected question to ever cross his mind.
“Do you like her?” She asked, catching him off guard.
“H-Her who? Your daughter or your sister?”
“I know you like my daughter. But unfortunately, I’m referring to my sister.” She laughed to lighten up the mood and it worked. Changmin felt a little less tense but he was still nervous about the question. Since he was taking too long to answer, she decided to change her question.
“Okay, nevermind. Scratch that. Let me rephrase myself… What do you think of my sister?”
Now that’s a question he could answer in a heartbeat.
“I think she’s an amazing person. She’s smart, kind, and can be annoying sometimes back when we were younger but she’s such an amazing auntie to Lucy and I can see that really well.” Your sister smiled happily at her bowl of ice cream before she spoke up afterwards.
“Now is it easier for you to answer my original question that I asked?” She teased and so Changmin chuckled nervously but he felt ready to give her his answer.
“I do like your sister. I actually like her a lot now…”
“Good. Because I think she likes you too, just that she’s still trying to figure that part out.” Your sister said as he felt something tickle his heart. Do you really like him too? If you do, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Just a few seconds after, you came back with Lucy and there was a huge plastic bag you were holding in your hand, paired with a toothless soft toy in Lucy’s arms. Your sister’s jaw drops as Changmin simply laughed at her reaction.
“I knew you were lying earlier, you brat.” She said to you, making you stick your tongue out at her teasingly.
“I know.” You said as you flipped your hair sassily and she scoffed but her smile betrayed her.
“Well, now that you’re here, I’m gonna go check out the home furniture store upstairs.” She said as she soon disappeared. Changmin brought Lucy to go buy her ice cream since she was in a happier mood now. When they came back, Lucy asked Changmin to feed her. He did it without hesitation, paying full attention to her only to abandon his own cup of ice cream that was ⅓ done.
“Lucy, can you eat on your own? Uncle Min needs to finish his ice cream before it melts” You said, trying to make her listen.
“No! I want Uncle Minie to feed me.” She said with a proud smile on her face.
“Can I feed you then? He needs to eat his ice cream too.” You tried to persuade her but she whined.
“Lucy.” You called her name once in a serious tone but she looked at you with a frowning pout. Her eyes started to get glossy so Changmin quickly stepped in and smiled at her.
“It’s okay, Lucy. Uncle Minie will eat later. Come, open your mouth.” He said while slowly bringing the spoon to her mouth. She eats it quietly, avoiding your gaze in case you scold her as she fiddles with her toothless soft toy ears. You let out a soft sigh, which was unfortunately heard by Changmin. You pressed your fingertips to your temples, only to hear him direct his words to you.
“Since she doesn’t want you to feed her, you can feed me before my ice cream turns into soup.” Changmin said. You glanced at him and then his ice cream bowl. It was starting to melt so you took his bowl and scooped a spoonful of ice cream and his toppings before bringing it to his mouth.
He ate it and the corner of his lips instantly curled into a small smile. You pretend you didn’t see that as he turned back to Lucy to feed her. This continued until her ice cream was finished, only then could he eat his dessert on his own. However, when you were about to pass it to him, he simply sat there with his mouth open. You raised your eyebrows at him in question and he smirked.
“Since you’ve been feeding me, you might as well continue.” Changmin said, making you shove the spoon onto the tip of his nose, getting a small blob of ice cream on it. You laughed as he narrowed his gaze at you on purpose but it didn’t scare you.
“It was a perfect opportunity. I’m sorry.” You said, only to feed him the last scoop before handing the rest to him. Changmin ate on his own after wiping his nose while Lucy came to sit next to you and apologised for making you angry. You told her you weren’t angry and that you just wanted her to be independent and she listened. All the while, Changmin was listening to you and it sparked something in him. Not long after, your sister came back and soon, all of you left to head home.
A few minutes upon reaching back at her apartment, you told your sister you weren’t staying over because you have to clean the house tomorrow so she said okay. Changmin also said he needed to go home to do his laundry. So when it was time to say goodbye to Lucy, both Changmin and you gave her a goodnight hug despite her crying, begging for you two to stay. Changmin went ahead and cupped her cheeks in his hands, giving her forehead a soft kiss to calm her down.
“Don’t cry, Lucy. Uncle Minie will come see you again soon. Auntie Y/N too, okay?” He said, making your heart swell.
“Y-You promise?” She asked so he nodded and did a pinky swear with her.
“I promise.”
“O-Okay…” She said as she wrapped her arms around his neck before letting go. She then came to you so you squat down to match her height and gave her a warm hug too. When both you and Changmin finally stepped out of the apartment unit, she gave you one big wave before her mother gently guided her back inside.
You were quietly walking next to him when he asked, “How are you getting home?”
“Bus, probably.” You said, only for him to offer you a ride home.
“I-It’s fine. I can take the bus.”
“I don’t take no for an answer.” He said, allowing you to enter the lift first. Once you got into his car, he asked for your address and so you gave it to him. In the car, his mind drifted back to your sister’s words earlier.
“I think she likes you too”
Changmin’s mind was swirling with questions following those words but he never actually voiced out to you about it. When he finally parked the car in front of your apartment complex, you thanked him for the ride home and bid him goodnight. He simply nodded and so you left his car right after.
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Days have passed and it was recently announced that there will be a company event at the end of this week. The event is to celebrate the company’s 25th anniversary upon its first launch. Not only that, everyone was encouraged to bring a plus one to the event, be it their significant other, a friend, a family member, etc. Therefore, your friends in your team have decided to invite their partners along since they were all either engaged or in a relationship with someone. The only one who is single between the five of you, is you.
“So, are you guys gonna bring your partners?” Taehyung asked, earning a smirk from Yoongi.
“Hell yeah. I would be glad to show off my fiancè to that girl in the HR department who keeps flirting with me at work.” Yoongi said, making you laugh.
“How about you?” Yeji then turned to ask you, earning a quiet sigh from you. They knew you broke up with Sunwoo a while ago and that you’ve been single ever since. She felt bad for asking you so she tried to cheer you up, “You can go with me. We don’t need to bring anyone to the event.”
However, you knew she would love to bring her boyfriend to this event so you just smiled and rejected her offer. You reassured them that you’ll figure something out and told them not to worry about you. As much as they didn’t want you to feel left out, they knew you wouldn’t be affected by going solo to the event. With that being said, the topic was dropped and Jieun proceeded to talk about something else.
A few hours later, you made it to your sister’s apartment after work to have dinner before your sister leaves for work. You were at the kitchen island eating the kimchi soup your sister made with her while Changmin was in the living room with Lucy and you kept thinking about the company event. Your sister could probably sense your mind being somewhere else so she was the first to break your train of thoughts.
“You look like your mind just did a brain fart over there. What’s going on?” She asked you calmly as you sighed.
“My company is doing a 25th anniversary event this Saturday evening. They invited everyone in the company…”
“But?” She said knowing you were hiding something when you paused.
“But they encouraged all the workers to bring their plus ones. I can’t bring Sunwoo because he’s my ex now.”
“So ask Changmin.” She said almost so easily, causing you to widen your eyes in shock. Just then, Changmin’s voice sounded from behind you as he heard his name in the equation.
“Ask me what?” He said as you glared at your sister to keep her mouth shut but she of course didn’t care.
“She has this company event on Saturday evening and she needs a plus one so I told her to ask you since I’ll be out of town from Friday to Sunday with Lucy.” She said with a proud smile on her face. You just wanted to stab her right now for being so blunt. Nevertheless, Changmin looked at you and gave you his answer with no hesitation at all whatsoever.
“Sure. I’ll go with you. That is if you’re okay of course.”
You were speechless but maybe you were just a tad bit happy that he was okay to go with you considering you weren’t technically friends to begin with. So since he already said he could go with you, that’s one less thing on your checklist to prepare for the weekend.
A few days went by and it was finally time to get ready for the company event. You texted Changmin to ask again if he was really okay with going to the event as your plus one. He sent you the cutest message you’ve ever gotten by someone even though it sounds pretty threatening considering it’s him who texted it.
“You can either accept the fact that you’re going with a handsome lad or choose to go to the event with your lonely ass. You pick.”
It wasn’t a surprise that you laughed upon reading the text but he doesn’t have to know that… For the event, you decided to pick out the most formal yet casual dress you owned which was a simple black fitted lace dress that stops at your mid thighs. Pairing it with your favourite nude open toe heels that were just 3 inches at least. Your makeup was very light and you had your hair clipped up, leaving your bangs down to frame your face. When he texted you at 7pm saying he was downstairs, you texted back to acknowledge him and soon took your necessary belongings.
When you made it downstairs, you saw him lean against the passenger side door looking handsome as ever. Changmin was wearing a black skinny jeans, white button down formal shirt with the first four buttons undone, a black blazer over that and his black boots. His hair was jet black with the slight side parting, hair styled up to show his forehead.
Your heart was beating so fast as you approached him but you quickly maintained your composure when he finally looked up to meet your eyes. Changmin checked you out briefly and pretty much openly, making you feel a little small under his intense gaze. When he finally locked eyes with you again, he smirked charmingly at you and said, “Have you always looked this hot?” His comment was totally unexpected as it awoke the butterflies in your belly.
“Apparently not, I guess.” You said, only for him to laugh. Both of you got into the car and you gave him the address so he finally drove off following the map. In the car, he asked you more about the event and you tried your best to answer every question to your best abilities.
Right after he parked the car in the parking lot, he turned the engine off and suddenly asked, “By the way, what am I supposed to be tonight?”
“Oh… U-Uh… I don’t know. I guess just go with the flow?”
“Good idea.”
With that being said, both of you made your way into the lobby and went up to the ballroom level via the lift. When you arrived at the ballroom, you showed the security your staff pass and soon entered the venue with Changmin closely behind you. The room was filled with your colleagues but only a few were recognisable to you. Changmin scanned the entire room curiously, trying to get used to the new environment until he felt soft fingers wrap around his hand to bring him back to reality.
“Hey, keep walking or you’ll get lost.” You said with a gentle smile on your face, making his heart flutter. Nevertheless, he followed you to a table where your friends and their plus ones were seated at.
“Y/N! You made it!” Yeji said with an excited tone as her eyes soon flew over to Changmin behind you. She smirked at you but Taehyung beat her to the questions.
“Hey, who’s this?” He asked with a teasing smirk, making you blush.
“Guys, this is Changmin… He’s uh…” You paused as your mind grew fuzzy on what to say so you naturally turned to look at Changmin. However, he seemed oddly calm as he finally looked at them and spoke up confidently that it made you slightly shocked.
“Boyfriend… I’m her boyfriend.” Changmin said, causing your friends to make excited sounds that you couldn’t help but laugh, finding it funny.
“It’s nice to meet you, Changmin. You definitely made a good choice.” Taehyung said, making you slap his arm and soon took a seat in the empty chair next to him while Changmin sat next to you. All of you began to chat as Changmin surprisingly got along well with your colleagues and including their individual partners too. The event was going well so far, the CEO gave out his speech and was giving out awards to the staff members in the company. After that segment was done, it was currently a free and easy time. People can mingle around, dance on the dancefloor, etc.
Just then, Jieun noticed a photobooth at the other side of the room so she spoke up, telling everyone at your table to go take pictures for memories. Changmin remained seated at first but when you noticed he wasn’t moving, that’s when Yoongi spoke up to address him.
“You too, Changmin. Come on.” Changmin’s eyes grew wide as he looked up at you and you smiled. You patiently waited for him, seeing how hesitant he was. So to ease him up a little, you laced your fingers with him and he turned to look down at your intertwined fingers. Changmin glanced up to meet your soft eyes staring back at him, melting him into a puddle.
“We’re here together, remember?” You asked so he nodded. Both of you began to make your way to the photobooth where your friends and their partners were already busy choosing props for the pictures.
They beckoned you over so you dragged Changmin with you. Once you’ve chosen your prop which was a cat ears headband, Changmin chose the same as you so that you were both matching. First picture, the girls sat on the bench while the guys stood behind you. Second picture, the bench was taken away as you guys scattered around to stand with your partners. You stood behind Jieun while Changmin was to your left. Right before the picture was taken, you felt his warm hand gently rest on your waist to hold you securely beside him.
Your heart was racing as the picture was taken and they were now deciding how to pose. Meanwhile, you turned to him and saw that his hair was a bit messy. While everyone was deciding how to pose, you reached up and carefully adjusted his bangs so that they weren’t poking his eyes. All the while, Changmin couldn’t help but stare into your eyes even though you weren’t looking at him. When you finally realised he was staring at you, that’s where you giggled and whispered to him quietly.
“What?”
“Nothing. You just look really cute right now.” Changmin said.
You blushed yet again as you gently slapped his chest but he quickly wrapped his arms around your waist, his left hand holding his right wrist to keep you secure against him. Since you were stuck like that, you ended up resting your hands on his chest while you posed for the third picture.
“Okay guys! Should we do a cute photo for the last one?” Yeji asked, only for Taehyung to suggest something very unexpected.
“We should kiss our partners!” He said, making you panic slightly. Changmin noticed the way you tensed up in his arms so he felt the need to calm you down. With that being said, Changmin nudged your cheek with his sharp nose to make you look at him. When you turned, Changmin smiled down at you with his arms still around you.
“We don’t have to kiss if you don’t want to. We can just pretend.” He said calmly, making your heart melt.
Has he always been this sweet?
“I-I… Are you sure?”
“Of course. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything.” He reassured you and it was enough to make you feel a lot better.
Everyone else was already in their positions as they brought back the bench. Two couples were seated while the other three were standing. You were on the left side with Changmin, standing behind Yoongi and his fiancè. The cameraman did a countdown to tell you when he would snap the picture. So you turned to look at Changmin as you slid your hands onto his neck and kept them there.
3…
Changmin smiled softly at you while he carefully leaned down to let his nose brush against yours.
2…
You then saw his gaze fall down south easily as he let out a soft but shaky breath to calm his own rapid heart despite the smile still plastered on his face.
1…
Just two seconds before the cameraman took the picture, you tilted your head up to let your lips crash against his softly. He was still smiling into the kiss when the picture was captured, making you caress his jaw gently with your thumbs. When you pulled away, you struggled to meet his eyes. Butterflies erupted rapidly in your stomach, earning a soft laugh from him.
“Look who’s being brave tonight.” He teased you over a whisper, making you shy.
“It’s the best opportunity I have, I guess?” You said and he couldn’t help but agree. All of you returned the props back to the table and made your way back to the table. About an hour later, the event was finally over so it was time to head back home. You bid goodbye to your friends and their partners before walking back to Changmin’s car.
Both of you remained quiet during the first few minutes, not really sure how to approach the topic of what happened earlier. At one of the traffic junctions, you were just staring out the window, your mind currently running haywire thinking about the kiss when you felt his soft hand slip into yours and carefully laced his fingers together with yours. Changmin brings your hand up only to plant a gentle kiss to the back of your hand before resting them in his lap while he drives. When he made it to your apartment, he didn’t need to be asked because he was already walking with you to the lobby.
You quietly brought him to the lift and up to your apartment level, all in a peaceful silence. When you reached the 12th floor, both of you got out of the lift as you led him to your door. After you’ve unlocked your door, you turned around but Changmin thought you wanted to say your goodbyes.
“I’ll see you around then? Goodnight Y/N.” Changmin said as he was about to walk off when you held his wrist and pulled him back only to cup his face with your other hand and tugged him down to kiss him. Changmin was genuinely stunned this time as he froze when you kissed him. His hands were awkwardly hovering over your waist. Changmin was so scared of making the wrong move but when he felt how genuine your kiss was, that’s when he finally melted against you.
He easily wraps his arms around your waist to pull you into his chest while guiding you back to gently crash against the door. Changmin’s kiss was passionate and needy, his hands squeezing your sides as though he was afraid to let you go. You pulled away first to take a breath, holding his face with both hands and smiled.
“Stay with me tonight…” You whispered over his lips, causing him to go crazy.
“I would absolutely love to.” Changmin smirked as he kissed you again while reaching for the door handle to push it open. You stumbled back into your apartment while he held you to prevent you from falling over.
He then kicked the door closed and locked it before lifting you up onto his waist while kissing you again. He kicked off his shoes while he helped to unbuckle your heels and let it slip down to the ground. He walked deeper into your apartment, guiding him to your bedroom. Once he made it there, he brought you to your bed, gently laying you down as you sat up and watched him take off his blazer and tossed it to the ground.
Changmin crawls up the bed to join you, situating himself between your legs as you pull him down for a kiss. While you were busy kissing him, your hands began to unbutton his white shirt and pushed the material off his shoulders for him. He threw it to the ground as he then pouted to you adorably.
“Why am I the only one with less clothes on?” He asked, only for you to giggle.
“Because mine is just one piece.” You said, earning a playful smirk from him. Changmin kissed you while pinning your hands above your head. He laced his fingers with yours, holding them against the mattress while he kissed you lovingly. Suddenly, he stopped only to look you dead in the eye. You thought he was going to change his mind and that he just realised that this wasn’t what he wanted but then what comes out of his mouth next was totally unexpected.
“I think I love you.”
“What?”
This time, he said it confidently.
“Scratch that… I love you, Y/N.” Changmin said, making your heart swell. With that being said, you kissed him longingly while caressing his cheek. When you pulled away, you slowly fluttered your eyelids open to meet his gaze and smiled.
“I love you too, Changmin.”
That was all he needed to hear before continuing with where you both stopped. Knowing that the feelings are mutual, it felt a little more intimate now. All the while, he was being gentle to you, asking you questions to make sure you’re okay with what he’s doing. He would only go rough when he needs to, etc. That night, you felt so loved and respected. He showered you with so much love that it made you feel so full at the end of it all.
You’re glad he went to the event with you that night because if he didn’t, you probably still wouldn’t know how you felt for each other.
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hergrandplan · 4 months ago
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For the WIP game: Right Where You Left Me ☺️
oooh right where you left me, my love that I fear might never see the light of day though it should at one point
Right Where You Left Me is I think the second thing I ever wrote for this fandom, right after Suburban Legends, and I still want to get back to it someday but I have much more pressing fics rn
But this one came about from me listening to Stick Season one too many times and I still love it
Basically, Wille and Simon were childhood friends-turned-to-lovers, but they broke up when Simon moved away to pursue a career in music, because Wille couldn't leave his sick mom and they didn't want to do long distance. Simon comes back every year for Christmas, and every year, without fail, they fall back into each other, because it's easy and they know each other so well, but it's never more than a quick hook-up. And every year, Simon leaves, and leaves Wille in shambles. But as time goes on, wille vows that he will stay away from Simon, and Simon starts to question more and more if this life of fame is actually for him, or if he wants to go back.
I think it might actually become a 5+1 sorta thing but I won't call it that since it's not fluffy at all, and might actually have a sad ending, I'm not sure yet, but now that I'm reading it again I do want to get back to it lol
Lil' snippet:
Simon let the warmth of his tea and his childhood home melt away the cold of the winter raging outside, and with it too, the troubles that occupied his mind all the way from LA. It was funny how this home, stood in one of the coldest places in the world, felt infinitely warmer than his apartment in bright and sunny LA, with its white walls that he wasn’t allowed to paint and the couch he’d found somewhere on a curb. Despite living there for five years now, the need to be constantly on the move refrained him from personalizing any space. Here, sat on his mom’s old couch, every inch of the room held his name, his being, in photographs on the mantle and his report cards on the fridge. He barely listened as his mom talked to him about the latest news from her job at the hospital, instead revelling in just hearing her warm, soothing voice, and for a minute, letting himself pretend he was just a kid again and had only gotten home from school, not from the other side of the world.
Thank you for asking 💜
Ask me about my WIPs!
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Text
911 Spoilers Season 4: You’ve been warned. 😅 Buddie Rewatch
Episode 5: Buck Begins  
Flash back to 1996. Maddie is teaching Buck how to ride a bike. He falls over a few times and has a scary almost accident with a car. To avoid the car Buck swerves out of the way and falls to the ground.
Maddie screams, the car honks, and it prompts the parents to run outside as Maddie is trying to comfort Buck.  Buck calls out for his Mommy and she instead of taking over caring for Buck, is panicking over where they found the bike.
Buck and Maddie are still on the ground as Buck is crying and vocally saying “Ow”. Maddie explains she found the bike under a pile of Junk in the garage. They look over at the father and as he tries to explain, mom (Margaret) starts screaming no and running into the house.
Dad looks over at Maddie and starts to chastise her. Telling her she should have left it alone and instructing her to bring her brother back in the house.  Phillip (the dad) grabs the bike as Maddie and Buck walk inside.
From this moment forward, I will be referring to Buck’s parents by their first names. I had written mom and dad in my notes, mostly because I didn’t pay attention to their names while watching the episode. They really piss me off as characters, especially as we learn more and more about their parenting choices. So I rather not continuously write Mom and Dad.  
Maddie explains to Buck that Daniel was 8 years old when he died of leukemia. Daniel and Buck had a seven-year age gap, explaining why he wouldn’t have remembered Daniel.
Buck is confused as to why no one ever told him about Daniel. Maddie explains that shortly after his passing, their parent’s packed up all of Daniels things. They moved to a different city and made her promise to never mention Daniel to Buck.
Maddie further explaining that there where many moments that she wanted to tell him, but she did not know how.  She also explains that their weird reaction and hiding Daniel’s death was their way of grieving and how they never stopped grieving.
Buck piecing together very quickly that he was only born as a last resort to try to save Daniel.
Buck leaves Maddie’s apartment in the middle of the conversation. He needs to process this information; he looks sad and defeated as he leaves.
Margaret is yelling at Maddie, trying to understand why she would tell Buck. Phillip is behind her with his arms crossed. Maddie explains that she told him, because she didn’t want Buck thinking it was his fault they were fighting.
Margaret telling Maddie it wasn’t her place and Maddie remind her that she isn’t a kid anymore. Phillip quickly defending Margaret and telling Maddie to watch her tone, that it wasn’t her fault. Maddie clarifying that it isn’t her fault either.
Phillip explaining that they didn’t have a choice. They had to pack up Daniel’s stuff and pretend he didn’t exist because of the judgement they were receiving for having Buck, in an attempt to save Daniel.
Margaret yelling at Maddie that she isn’t a mother yet, she doesn’t understand her pain and what a child’s death will do to you.
Maddie pointing out that she disappeared into her grief, leaving her and buck to fend for themselves.
1996: Buck is at the top of the stairs with a bloody knee. Maddie is walking around gathering supplies as Phillip and Margaret are arguing over the bike.
Phillip states, “ I just wanted one thing to remember him by.” Margaret responds, “We live with the reminder every day. Staring us in the face.”
That’s a truly fucked up way of viewing your son, it’s implied she’s talking about Buck.
Buck had run away from the top of the stair case as Maddie walks up them. Madie tends to Buck’s wound. Buck believes they are mad at him. Maddie tries to clarify that they aren’t mad just upset. We get the first instant where Maddie justifies an outburst as an over reaction that they will feel bad about later. (Poor Maddie, this shouldn’t have been the life lesson you learned)
Phillip calls Buck down, offering a new bike and ice cream. Buck making the unhealthy connection that by getting hurt, his parents will pay attention to him.
Montage of young Buck being reckless and getting hurt. Maddie caring for the wounds, and Phillip bringing over treats or Margaret bringing him breakfast in bed.
Buck is telling the 118 what he just learned about his upbringing. Eddie states, “This explains so much about you.” Hen concerned about how Buck even survived his childhood. Eddie pointing out it is a miracle he even survived yesterday.
Buck was always aware that he would put himself in dangerous situations to get their attention. He is now trying to process the new information about how they never really wanted him, they needed him for spare parts, but he only had “defective” parts. Eddie quickly and concerningly cut’s in and tells Buck, that that isn’t his fault. Buck states that he believes his parents do blame him. Eddie is taken back by the comment and is noticeably concerned about Buck.
Bobby and Hen cut in, reassuring Buck that he matters and how he needs to bring up these concerns to his parents. Buck dismissing those comments. Chimney walks in late, he wants to talk to Buck privately, but Buck reveals that he told the team the 118 the entire story already, no need to be secretive about it anymore. Chim apologizes for keeping the secret from him, Buck dismissing the apology, understanding that he didn’t really have a choice.
2004; Maddie drives buck to an unknown location to talk to Buck. Buck reveals he is grounded for forging his parent’s signature to try out for football. Maddie reveals she brought Buck to their old house, one that he doesn’t remember because he was a baby. Maddie is about to reveal the big secret, but Maddie gets a phone call from Doug.  She answers and the call and the convo switches over.
Buck pointing out that it’s weird that Doug needs to know where she is all the time, and Maddie explains it as being sweet and that he cares for her. Maddie changing her crazy story to reveal Doug got accepted into medical school and that she is going with him.
Buck is cleaning the fire truck as Maddie appears behind him. She wants to make sure he is okay. Buck lashing out about feeling betrayed and alone. The alarm cuts the conversation short.
Hand sanitizer factory fire (gotta love the covid episodes); Eddie and Bobby join the 133 to search one side of the factory. Buck, Chim and Hen, are on the other team to search the other side.  Chim approaches Buck, but Buck cuts him off and tells him not now. Buck looks upset and over everything. Chim makes it appoint to say he can’t keep running from this. Buck responds of course he can it is the Buckley family way.
2004; Margaret and Phillip learned that Maddie is leaving with Doug to Boston. Buck tries to defend Maddie, but is completely dismissed. He rides off on a bike as Maddie and his parents argue.  He’s upset and crying.
The normal childhood bike turns into a motorcycle, with an older Buck riding, he’s visibly angry. Buck crashes into a car that was backing out of a driveway.
Side note, I know this scene is suppose to be serious, but the faces Buck makes paired with the obvious stunt man riding the bike, takes me out of the scene a bit.
Buck is one of the one to cut thru the doors and get access into the burning building. Buck locates multiple drums of flammable sanitizers and calls it over the radio. Buck and Chim scout possible paths to go find victims. Chimney’s path is not possible, Buck’s isn’t clear but doable.
Buck finds a door with victims inside, as they open up, and try to get people out, Bobby announces over the radio that he has also found people but the fire around them is getting worse, that they lost two guys. Buck volunteers himself to go find and help Bobby.
2012: Maddie is a nurse and Buck is injured in her ER, refusing to leave until he sees her. Buck admits to crashing his bike and needing Maddie’s help. Turns out he doesn’t need help because he was kicked out of college, for the second time.
Buck wants to stay with Maddie and Doug, to avoid staying at his parent’s place. Maddie being noticeably uncomfortable with the idea. Buck is assuming she’s uncomfortable because Doug hates him. This is when I noticed the cast on Maddie’s arm.
Buck is pleading with her because he doesn’t want to face his parent’s judgement. He admits that life with his parent’s has gotten worse since she’s left the house. Buck promises that he will be something, that he isn’t a loser.
Buck is walking through fire, redirecting his path as flames ingulf it. He climbs up a set of ladders as a full evacuation is called due to the loss of structural integrity. Buck calls out over the radio to say that one victim is still missing. Buck is unwilling to comprehend why they would leave someone behind. He ignores direct orders to evacuate and continues his search to find the one remaining victim by running directly thru fire away from a clear exit.
2012: Margaret calling Buck reckless. Screaming at him for being reckless, going off about how children die. Buck not understanding her point and how it has anything to do with the situation.
Maddie pulls in with a black jeep, Buck see’s her and runs out mid argument to go with her. They drive off.
Maddie pulling over on the side of the road, stepping out of the jeep and tossing Buck the keys. He’s confused by this. Maddie is offering Buck freedom, by gifting her car and a little bit of money. She’s telling him to go off, explore the world, don’t get stuck in their town.
Buck suggesting Maddie goes with him. They leave together, escape this life they have that he knows she’s unhappy in. Buck gives her speech back at her about the point being to just go. Maddie agrees to leave with Buck, she’s excited.
Buck is calling out, asking if anyone can hear him. He hears the victim and runs towards that direction. He finds the man and promises to get him out.  As he’s guiding the man out, the path he used is ingulfed in flames. They need to turn around, and they are surrounded by flames.
2012; Buck shows up at the hospital, looking for Maddie. Maddie’s friend stops Buck, and Buck asks him if she knows where Maddie is. He hands Buck a letter written by Maddie. She explains that she can’t join him, that her life is with Doug and that she is sorry. Maddie wants him to find his place in the world and to never come back. Buck walks out of the hospital angry.
Buck finds a possible exit, but it requires walking up a platform, he instructs the victim, Saleh, to walk up the platform with him. As they climb up, the fire gets larger, there is an explosion that causes them to fall off, Buck hits his head.
2012: Buck is sending post cards to Maddie’s job, telling her of all of his adventures. He’s been doing odd jobs, up and down the East coast. Admits to not being that mad at her for not going with him. He admits to not finding his place yet and he misses her.
Proceeds a montage of Maddie receiving postcards from Buck. He finished Bartending school and is a mixologist in Virginia Beach. He shares with Maddie all the ups and down of his journey, revealing when he stopped bartending, his new relationship didn’t work out, and left being near the beach to work construction. We learned he moved to California and joined the Navy seals. We learn in the next post card that he left the Navy Seal, and became a rancher. He is headed to Peru, to be a bartender again.  
Something I noticed about Maddie as she read the postcards was, she was always injured. At first it was subtle, like marks on her hands that were covered by her sweater, or bruising around her neck. The injuries just got progressively worse. I’ll admit to not noticing it right away, but when I went back they just became so visible.
2015: We meet Beach Ken, I mean Buck, bartending and watching a show about firefighters fighting an active fire. We meet Connor who invites him to go to LA. Explaining how much Buck would enjoy LA and Buck being very interested.
Buck is on the ground, unconscious. He slowly gets up and runs towards Saleh, who thanks Buck for attempting to save him. It’s obvious that Saleh has given up, he’s pinned down by a vat. Buck tries everything in his power to lift the vat off of him. Buck promises to get him out of there. The flames begin to surround them.
Bobby and Eddie walk up towards Chim and Hen. Chim asks them where Buck is. Bobby and Eddie confused, they thought he was with them. Hen explaining why they had split off. At that same moment Buck calls over the radio, revealing he found the last victim and didn’t evacuate. The 118 is not surprised by this.
Buck believes he is on the north east side of the building, but he specifies that he’s not sure. They start to send in help, and that’s when that side of the building explodes. Every one in the 118 looks at the direction of the explosion, their eyes are read concern and worry. Bobby looks the most panicked, with his eyes really bugging out.
2017: Buck is driving up to the 118 for his first day as a probationary firefighter. We learn he got the nick name Buck, because their where 3 other Evan’s in his class.  Buck introduces himself to the 118, who are eating together. He asks for Captain Nash. Bobby joking with Buck, and then asking him to take a seat and join them for dinner. Buck receives a proper welcome into the 118, he feels like he’s found his place.   
I realized that I never really pointed this out, but during the flash backs or when ever Maddie addressed Buck in front of their parents, she would call him Evan. His parents only call him Evan.
Buck starts to look around for a fire extinguisher, he spots it, but before going over to retrieve it, takes off his mask and gives it to Saleh, to help him breath. He says he’ll hold his breath as long as he can as he runs over to grab the fire extinguisher. He uses it until it’s empty at an attempt to fight off the flames that were surrounding them.
Saleh starts to lose consciousness as the sprinklers turn on, Buck feels a moment of relief. He gets up and starts to make shift a pully system with some rope. He pulls on the rope with all the energy he has left. He’s giving it his all, screaming and grunting as he pulls.
As he starts to give up and cry, Eddie grabs onto the rope, and the rest of the 118 pull up from behind. Buck gathering that he is not alone, gets his motivation back and helps pull the vat off of Saleh. They make process and I believe Hen is the one to pull Saleh from underneath the vat and towards safety.  We get a close up of Buck and he looks like he’s just processing the moment.
Outside, Buck is sitting on the ambulance. Bobby is asking him if he’s alright as Hen is there observing him. Buck admitting that he was lost, that it took only a matter of two seconds for him not to know where her was.
Hen vocalized that no one was surprised by the fact that he stayed in there. It was said in a tone of reassurance. Buck admits to almost giving up, and if it wasn’t for them, he may have. Hen cuts him off and states that they were there, not letting Buck go into the what ifs. Buck looks like he’s ready to cry.
Athena walks over to Buck, where Bobby reveals to her that Buck was the one to pull out the last victim. She’s not surprised by the news. Buck admits to needing to be rescued by everyone else. Athena states, “I’m sure whoever you saved is just glad you were being Buck.”
Buck reveals that he isn’t sure what she means by that. Taking the comment almost like an insult. Athena clarifies that she means he never gives up. And that he should never stop being Buck.
Buck smiles slightly at the comment, processing this moment.
Eddie is the first to greet Buck at the entrance of the 118. Bobby reveals that Buck is healthy and cleared by the doctors. Eddie looks so happy at this moment. Bobby walks off and Bucks stops in front of Eddie.
Eddie calls Buck a show off. Buck responding with, he had to do it. Eddie looking deeply into Buck’s eyes, says “I know you did” in the softest tone. Eddie reveals that Buck has some visitors and stays behind as Buck heads upstairs, slightly confused.
Margret and Phillip are sitting at the table upstairs. As Buck comes up, Phillip stands up to address him. Phillip revealed that the other fire fighters told them a lot of stories about Buck. Margaret pointing out that they really seem to think highly of him. As he’s processing their words, Buck admits to liking them too. Margaret and Phill look at each other awkwardly.
Okay so I know the other firefighters they spoke to implies that they likely spoke to Hen, Chim, and other random firefighters at the station about him. But from what we as the viewer can see, and the fact that I do not see Hen, Chim, or any random extras roaming around. I can assume most of their conversation was had with Eddie. Buck is likely assuming the same.  So by following this formula, Eddie was gushing over Buck to his parents. His parents made the assumption that Eddie likes Buck. Buck revealed to them that he likes him back. I’m allowed to be delusional, don’t ruin this for me.
Margert reveals that she doesn’t know where to start. Buck takes that moment and apologizes about Daniel. Margaret and Phill are shocked at the mention of Daniel’s name. Buck sympathizes with them and admits to not understanding that kind of pain.  
Phil tries to interject, calls Buck, Evan. Buck stops him and corrects him. Telling him that Buck is his name. Phillip corrects himself, and proceeds to tell Buck that he was never blamed for Daniels passing. Buck vocalizes that he wished he could have done more.
Marget states, “You were born to save someone and that’s what you do.” She reveals that they are proud of him.
I’ll admit Marget’s line was cute, but where was their apology. They asked for forgiveness but never really apologized.
Buck walks down stairs to the locker, where Chimney asks how the conversation went. Buck reveals that everything went okay, prompting Chim to ask about Buck’s relationship with Maddie. Buck wants to dismiss the conversation at that point. Basically, admitting to still being upset with Maddie.
Chim stating if you are able to forgive your parents, you have to find a way to forgive Maddie. Buck being held up on the fact that Maddie didn’t tell him. Buck has his forehead resting against the locker, in a sense looking defeated as he states that. Chimney defending her choice, revealing why she didn’t tell him, trying to avoid Buck feeling unwanted.
Buck telling Chimney that he was unwanted and unloved. Chim telling him, that he was loved, specifically by Maddie. Buck not believing that, because Maddie was the one to send him away, and didn’t go with him to find freedom. Chim reveals to Buck the real reason why she didn’t go with him and how Doug really hurt her and how she never wanted him to know.
Buck showing up with Chim to the apartment. Maddie surprised to see Buck there. Buck slowly closes the door behind him. He tells her how their parents showed up at the fire house and how he forgave them. Buck explains it wasn’t difficult to forgive them, because it is hard to feel betrayed by someone you wouldn’t count on.
He proceeds to acknowledge how easy it is to lash out on the person that will forgive you. Buck proceeds to talk about how his life could have been completely different if he had known the truth.
He asks Maddie to tell him more about Daniel, because he knows he can’t ask his parents.
Maddie pulls out all of the post cards he’s ever sent her. Revealing she’s kept every single one of them. Montage of Maddie and Buck growing up and being there for each other.
I want to take this time to compare Eddie Begins and Buck Begins. Eddie begins is about his young adult life and navigating being a new father, the army, and being a spouse. Buck begins is about Buck’s entire life, from discovering the reason why he was born, why he was neglected, and navigating the world. They both come from difficult families, but Buck’s upbringing pisses me off a lot. I dislike Eddie’s parents, but I don’t hate them. It’s probably because I didn’t get to see Eddie’s situation growing up, I’ve only heard Eddie’s retellings. I actually got to witness Buck’s parents fail him that’s likely why I feel so strongly about them. I love that in both Eddie Begins and Buck Begins, we do get to see at least a little bit of how Buck and Eddie care for each other. It was of course more dramatic it Eddie’s story, but still very much visible in Buck’s story.
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clottoncandiezz · 4 months ago
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maybe i shouldn!t say this here but
long text time hoorrayy!!
and you!ll never guess why.
🍉🍉🍉 tumblr this is a fictional story of two people having an affair HaHa
so basically we all know about the palestinian genocide that has been going on for 75+ years but maybe all of the horrific crimes being committed by notreal are slowly becoming a part of everyday life. having to repost fundraisers and amplifying posts seems like a normal thing in my life
but it shouldn!t be. maybe if notreal didn!t start this genocide and even if z+onism (and also colonialism in general) wasn!t even founded in the first place then i wouldn!t have had seen these horrific atrocities happening in palestine, the drc, haiti, sudan, and in so. many. more. locations. maybe if we didn!t get to see all the horrible monsters (western leaders) do what they can to LITERALLY MURDER INNOCENT CIVILIANS then i would have lived my life normally.
i!m starting to feel like i!m not doing enough even if i!m just liking, sharing, commenting, etc. i spend most of my days on either my phone or my laptop. i am a screen addict. and that means that i watch a lot of videos. a lot of videos means some videos are related to the palestinian genocide, and even some videos DIRECTLY COMING from palestine itself.
i once saw a video of an unwra worker, lying on the floor with blood on his nose and mouth. notreal bombed the area where he was. they BOMBED IT. THEY USED BOMBS. LITERAL WAR WEAPONS. but this isn!t a war, this is a 75+ year long genocide that even celebrities are not speaking up about, except for macklemore, dua lipa and melanie martinez.
now, time for my personal thoughts.
maybe all these videos, telling me to donate at least a few dollars makes me feel guilty, because i am a minor and cannot spend my money yet. even if i do, my mom will think it!s a scam. instead, i just like, share, comment, copy the link, repost and share to at least 10 people. is that enough? yes it is. it is just as powerful as giving at least 5 dollars. but making a video? way more powerful, since it spreads awareness. but i can!t be making dozens of videos all the time, mainly because tiktok will think i!m spamming or "posting too much". do you think i am a bot? i am a human and that!s what counts. just let me post. also, if i tried to post at least one fundraiser every day, then i would be making posts for 2-5 families. but i do not have enough time and energy to think of creative ways to bypass the algorithm and make it seem like a normal post.
i also feel like i am doing something wrong, even though i am not. this leads me to being sad and depressed all the time, because of this and many other genocides and atrocities happening globally. i just need something to make me feel okay.
of course i will post about other things, but i am still not looking away from gaza, sudan, tigray, and many others. heck, there even are some massacres that even no one has seen or at least talked about before' i hate this world. maybe if people wouldn!t guilt trip me then i would post normally.
i am also a human being, so are the palestinians.
free palestine.🍉
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hiddenwashington · 8 months ago
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** insert the yearly disclaimer that everything is fine and this is just maig being an absolute sap **
hi :)) somehow, by some miracle, we have made it around to yet another anniversary, and i can say with utter disbelief and overwhelming gratitude that hidden is now SIX YEARS OLD. i feel like a damn grandmother telling y’all a story here but, when i started this place in a 2am spite fueled, sleep deprived rage, and then hit the tags that same morning at nearly 5am, never once did i look at a main and think i’d be making a six year anniversary post. that we’d even stay open for that long, that this would grow to be… bigger than me, bigger than the team or hidden  itself. hidden is a home to so many, a place where people can be themselves and find a community together, and that has everything to do with all of YOU.
the members who have been here for 6 days, or 6 years, those who have been here and poured their hearts out onto the dash, who have been here just to play a joke character.. the members who have come and gone, the members who are here now, all of you are the reason hidden is the way that it is. you all have created this incredible community with each other, that sometimes all i can do is just sit back and admire all of you. the way everyone has been so welcoming and warm to every new person who has joined, that you all have welcomed people in with open arms and genuinely like ?? no prompting from us ?? just from being yourselves. not only is this a home, a true real home in such a difficult world, but god the TALENT ??? i have never seen such amazing writing, or editing, the absolute joy you all have in writing your characters comes across so easily, the support you all have for each other. the events that we have, i don’t think could ever be pulled off with another group. i truly am sitting here just consistently in awe of all of you. i really could not do this without all of you here, you are the heart of hidden. the warmth in this place, the joy, the backbone, everything is you, friends. thank you for allowing me to be your head admin, allowing me to be utterly odd and strange and still loving me the way i love all of you, thank you for supporting this team, and this place. thank you for all the time and energy you put in here, and know that it does not go unnoticed. truly, just thank you.
and now, for 5 people’s absolute favorite time of the year, the moment when i gush like a proud mom about my admin team. please allow me to highlight these people, to lift them up for everything that they do, to show them the gratitude i truly hope they feel every other day of the year. sunny: gotta always start with you, my day one, the other half of my brain. i don’t know what i would do without you, genuinely. hidden would absolutely not be here today without you, without your support of me and my absolute batshit ramblings that i send in your dms, the way you have been able to look at a situation and calm it down with just one message.. for being the voice of reason that i need, for being the best friend i could ask for. finding each other wasn’t an accident and i’m so glad that i have gotten to know you through this weird fucking hobby and found so many more to share with you. also?? thank you for being there during my wedding, for keeping my head on straight that day. i love you so much. ♥ jodie, i just fucking love you fam,  the absolute heart of the team. you are one of the kindest, most fiercely loving person i have ever met. if someone is struggling, i know you are right there to offer any kind of help you can (even if it's biting someone). you are always the one who i know will be there to have someone’s back, to support everyone when they need it. and i hope you know that that goes both ways. you are so loved on this team, thank you for all the research you do, thank you for taking all the marvel questions, for being the other teacher of my star wars school, for always laughing with me when we’re about to do something utterly ridiculous to get us yelled at. i am just so thankful for you, and i know i would’ve gone nuts if i didn’t have you here making me laugh. kasey, my player 2 (or i’m player 2?? idk), my bluetooth connected bitch. i swear people think us being the same person different fonts sometimes is a bit, and really it’s not. our shared braincell just doesn’t know how to function alone. thank you for always being there when i need to vent, for being able to offer a kind way of telling me to chill tf out, for being my platonic life partner. i know you hate the sappiness but i just need you to know that i couldn’t do this without you either. also a quick thank you for also being there during my wedding, for allowing me to be unapologetically myself and keeping me calm and laughing during all the insanity that was going on that week. just thank you. really, i love you so much, bitch, i won’t make you suffer with being loved on more.
aria, the actual owner of the braincell, the powerhouse of fc suggestions and research. your knowledge and ability to find suggestions and solutions to complex situations always has me in awe. i know when i see you typing in the chat, we’re going to get an answer, a solution or something new to consider that helps us fix whatever is going on. you truly are the reason things get solved around here. and also thank you for being the other face on the main, the way that you and ollie clear the inbox so fast always has me dumbfounded. and thank you for every check you have done, every moment you have spent here with us. i hope you know when i see little guys in shows, i always go “oh aria would love them”. your icons in the chat / your names always have me dying. you’re truly so fucking funny fam, the comments you make in dnd take me out. i just hope you know how loved and appreciated you are. thank you for being my friend, i love you a lot. and ollie, i don’t know what the fuck we would do without you. seriously, like only a year and a half in and you are ???? the reason the main gets cleared out most days. i don’t know how you do it, one moment it’s full and the next the entire mains cleared, the pages are updated, you and aria are working through their list of fixes and the entire check is done (INCLUDING MY PARTS :(( ). despite all of our teasing about changing the password on you, i hope you know that none of the work that you do EVER goes unappreciated. i also am just so glad that i have gotten to know you better over the past year and a half, that since you joined the team i am so glad that i get to call you my friend. also, i always know when i send a new frog, you’ll come in yelling about loving them and it always makes me smile. you’re so loved by me and the team. thank you for everything. okay, i’m done now.
i’m making myself stfu friends i promise. just, hidden you have no idea how utterly blessed we are to have these five as our admin team. i know i barely even know sometimes, because fuck i couldn’t do this without them. i just am so filled with love and appreciation for every single one of you, those who are here now, and those who may be lurking and have come and gone. know i love you all. and just THANK YOU. it is the greatest joy and blessing in my life to call myself your head admin. thank you for making hidden your home. here’s to SIX FUCKING YEARS and all the ones after it!
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all the love always -- admin maig ♥♥
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hrts4wonu · 11 months ago
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“이상한 왕국” : spoilers
translation: the strange kingdom
you grew up in a small village, in a kingdom ruled by an evil queen who's time will soon end which was being celebrated by your peers. but, little did they know, another kingdom has arrived not to celebrate along with you all, and instead end the innocent lives of the people who live in this kingdom. the large, thick concrete walls that circled the kingdom crashed to the floor and fires were spreading everywhere. nobody else had escaped in time, you think. for days, you ran and ran and ran. far away from the kingdom that you thought was safe forever. 'what was i thinking? there's no forever, just like what my mom said.' you say to yourself as you crash to your knees, tired and barely having enough energy to run anymore. your eyesight was getting blurry the more you ran, and you brushed it off like it was nothing. you finally found the energy to run again after resting. your stomach was grumbling and you were in pain; nobody else survived except you and you were just running away from all of it. just as you were about to stand up, you fall to the ground losing your consciousness. and before you knew it, a kind-hearted prince approaches your figure and yells something out loud to the people near him that you just couldn't find the energy to pay attention to. 'fate' you thought before completely closing your eyes and fading into the dark abyss. when you woke up the next day, you were in some sort of bed. you gathered everything inside of you to stand up and walk— which, you couldn't quite do because of your exhausted legs and the wounds on them. the same prince from yesterday approached you worryingly and places you back on the bed, “what happened? are you okay?” he utters in such a panicked yet loving voice. you shook your head no in response. “another kingdom.. attacked ours.” you add to your nod, looking away with a frown. and from then on, you and the prince had become great friends; you now lived in the so called ‘isanghan wang-gug’ or in english, ‘the strange kingdom’
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tags. seventeen, royal au, ex ruler reader / yn, ot13, colonized village, kingdoms, fantasy, fairytale
warnings. violence (not quite), smut, slowburn, harem, seventeen x reader, arguments, swearing, sparring, unprotected sex (don't do this), overstimulation, tying up / bdsm, forced marriage, etc. (tell me if i missed anything!)
a/n: hey, starlings. kim here<3 this royal au is not inspired by anyone (i'm serious btw). this idea originated from the time where i used to play minecraft and i just all of a sudden went like 'oh my god, what if i make castles for seventeen? like an entire kingdom?' and i did. i wasn't able to technically finish it due to the fact that my minecraft wouldn't open anymore and yeeahh.. anyways, i made my own lore for it but instead of sending it to my friends i wanted to post it here on tumblr instead ^_^
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RELEASE DATE : January 1, 2024 - January 13, 2024 (between those dates)
UPDATES : every 2 weeks / 1 month
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MASTERLIST ;
MEMBERS & INFORMATION:
#1:
#2:
SEASON 1: The Journey Begins
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SEASON 2: Eye Of The Evil
ep 11:
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SEASON 3: Equality's Dead
ep 21:
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SEASON 4: The Hurricane
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ep 27:
ep 28:
ep 29:
ep 30:
ep 31:
ep 32:
ep 33:
SEASON 5: Roses, Wine, & Assassin 8
ep 34:
ep 35:
SEASON 6: Hidden Secrets
ep 36:
ep 37:
ep 38:
ep 39:
ep 40:
ep 41:
ep 42:
ep 43:
ep 44:
ep 45:
SEASON 7: One Last Glimpse
ep 46:
ep 47:
ep 48:
ep 49:
ep 50:
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a/n 2 : i might do more but for now, i will try continuing this and finishing all 7 seasons in 2024. i'm currently going to start with the first episodes now and might make the release date earlier than what i want it to be or maybe push it back to a later date.
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