#my mind was legit blown

[yourlocalxiaosimp]

Holy shit guys I was playing Genshin Impact yesterday and I looked up during nighttime and-

Holy shit this is so beautiful I don’t even know what else to say

This was in Mondstadt if anyone’s curious

[allastoredeer]

How the fuck did “De-Lovely” reach 10,000 kudos?????

Guys, I am speechless, holy shit 🤯

[leviiackrman]

HIDEKO SUGAWARA - Haikyuu!! [full colour]

more art || character page || commissions

Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @bbrocklesnar @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @greenecreek @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @alexxmason @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @a-treides @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel @imogenkol

[thisisourlovestory]

CHARLIE BUSHNELL NARRATING NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIES I REPEAT CHARLIE BUSHNELL NARRATING NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIES

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

ok i might be talking complete nonsense here, but. the Strict Order as a metaphor for an author facing writer's block.

"the Strict Order abandoned the world," yeah if i wrote a sweet potato story where the main character just keeps suffering with no sign of resolution, i'd drop the story too (<- has actually done this with a tesilid fanfic orz)

"The world rejected the Strict Order's abandonment, so to keep the world going the Strict Order made Tesilid keep rewinding time." That's just like when you get stuck at a certain point in the plot and keep rewriting the events leading up to that moment to try to make it work. nods sagely i understand. i too make my OCs go through scenarios lots of times until we get it right. sometimes it takes months. sometimes it never works.

"The saintess only exists in timeline ~86," oh yes, the classic 'idk how to solve this problem so i'll introduce a new character' trick. i'm familiar

"okay but if time looping is the Strict Order rewriting the story, then why can Tesilid remember it" because the author already wrote those scenes and it'll be sad to throw them all out. and also it's a cool gimmick to have a regressor story. (<- has drastically changed the premise and worldbuilding of a story just to make an alternate timeline relevant before)

"what about ailette's existence--" same as muriel, where you insert a new character in hopes of solving a plot problem. except this time the characters write the plot themselves, because just this once you give priority to their character traits & goals rather than where you thought you wanted the plot to go. (tesilid has someone he can be himself around and who can do certain things on his behalf, instead of being fully constrained by his obligations. ailette gets insane buffs instead of being restricted by the world's difficulty.) therefore the chars now have more agency and are not only solving problems, but also taking the story in a direction you never would have thought of before. (whatever the hell tesilid and ailette are cooking rn, separately, which is surely going to result in interesting developments later on)

tldr; the strict order as a metaphor for an author who hit writer's block. their friend World Shaper inserts their OC Ailette in and their writing style is to let the characters run away with the plot. it works. world shaper and all their friends are co-writers working on the story together and reacting to it in real time.

[moonlightpirate]

Guys I'm going to tell you something so wild and so crazy I really don't think you will believe me.....did you know that in a buy one get one special you have to buy more than one item?!?!?! 🤯🤯🤯🤯

[kaiba-cave]

Landlord’s daughter visited me again yesterday. This time she was blown away by the fact that manga… is backwards. Had to explain that the story isn’t backwards, you just read the words the opposite way you read in English.

[heartlesscorpse]

Making out with Mr Scarletella hcs? Please please please with a cherry on top 😔❤️

Making Out w/ Mr Scarletella

HELL YEAH, I gotchu 😤😤😤 Here you go Mr. Delulu HCs for you — my ass busted this out so quick I had to throw on In My Room from ICP for this as extra motivation HAHAGNEJBFJS, I also just did this off of Mr. Scarletella’s crimson rain ending cause yes

⭑.ᐟ — Ever since Mr. Scarletella became your personal pet umbrella servant of yours, this man’s delusional behaviour towards you has gone fucking skyward.

⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Scarletella ofc is forever loyal to you and he’ll do anything, I mean anything to please you. Legit he will kill somebody w/o hesitation if you ask him to. He just loves that much it’s borderline mentally insane.

⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Scarletella’s even more ecstatic at the fact he can now be close and be forever at your side. But with this dream come true also comes with some unfortunate news; and that’s his jealousy towards Mr. Crawling.

⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Scarletella’s also wanting some attention ofc, he doesn’t like that Mr. Crawling gets all the kisses and head pats, give him some love too >:((

⭑.ᐟ — “Give pat?”, was the first question you heard as you were wandering the halls with Mr. Scarletella trailing after you. Mr. Scarletella just had this look of desperation— or like, this pathetic sad look of a puppy that was wanting some attention. Well, Mr. Scarletella’s been well behaved so where’s the harm in obliging his request?

⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Scarletella was over the moon when you said yes but his mind didn’t register your grip suddenly clenching his umbrella and he suddenly just felt a wave of heat course through his bones just now. The ghost was just at a loss of words and looking flushed red until you grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him in — and the touch of your soft lips against his made his brain explode.

⭑.ᐟ — Mr. Scarletella was absolutely fucking red, red like his goddamn hair and trench coat, his breathing was suddenly picking up, and lord if he had a pulse it would’ve been going absolutely haywire right now. He returned the kiss and his arms gingerly went around your waist to pull you close to him.

⭑.ᐟ — The kiss was passionate until it went from 0 to 100 fast when you suddenly added in the tongue, and Mr. Scarletella was NOT ready for this at all. The kiss was messy with your tongues entangled and dancing, the taste of you was driving him absolutely insane, he was just squeezing you tightly in his hold and he never wanted it to end.

⭑.ᐟ — By the time you broke away from the kiss, Mr. Scarletella was panting heavily, flushed red, his pupils were blown wide and he had this dopey lop-sided smile broadening on his features. Yeah, he reallyyyy loved that.

⭑.ᐟ — Now speechless, Mr. Scarletella disappears to go off in hiding in the umbrella to clear his head after that kiss, because it clearly fucked him up — in a good way ofc. He’s gonna need a couple few business days until he’s somewhat 'normal' again, and he’s definitely going to be asking for more of those kisses the next time.

[nonranghaes]

heads up! babysitting adventures. food mentions.

you're making dinner when you start to hear something go down. vernon's sitting on the floor with your niece, who's very determined to take advantage of the fact that it's both friday and her parents aren't here.

"if you let me stay up until midnight," she raises a finger in the air. "i'll show you where mama hides the fruit snacks."

vernon gives a long hum, as if he's actually debating the deal. for a moment, you think maybe you should have brought seungkwan instead of your boyfriend. he doesn't need to sound so legit right now. "i dunno... i have a car. i could just go buy my own fruit snacks."

"but they're forbidden snacks." she puffs out her lil cheeks at him. "papa says that makes them better when he gives me some after mama said i shouldn't have anymore."

vernon's nodding along. "ah. the forbidden snacks. i get it." he lowers his voice into a stage whisper, as if you're not supposed to hear this secret, "they steal my snacks all the time."

your niece lets out the loudest gasp, already turned against you so easily. "they do?!" when you glance over, she's straight up glaring at you, and vernon's giggling and he gets her to turn around before you 'catch on.'

"they do." he gives them the most serious nod. "but i dunno... are they really that good to stay up past your bedtime?" when your niece gives him a equally serious nod, lips pressed together into the most serious face she can muster, vernon just crosses his arms. "okay. new deal... you've gotta give them your best puppy dog eyes," he nods toward you, "so that we can all go out for ice cream instead. you still gotta go to bed at ten, though."

immediately, her mind is blown. she never considered the fact that ice cream could be on the table with you two here. while the two continue to whisper, making a game plan, you already reach for your phone to get her parents' permission to spoil her more than you already do. with both her and vernon teaming up... there's no real way you can say no.

a few moments later, you feel a tug on your shirt and you turn to see your niece next to you. she looks back at vernon, who's half-hidden behind the edge of the counters, as if he's going to get away with something. he gestures for her to speak, and she does when she turns to you. "can we pleaaaaaase get ice cream after dinner?" she pauses. "i'll--i'll eat my veggies and everything! and uncle vernon will, too!" she points back at him. "he promised!"

you glance at him while you agree (with permission and the power of puppy dog eyes, you have no ability to say no) and vernon's shooting you a cocky grin. told you i'd have your back.

[meepertonton]

i dont think ppl get that like

if you have a good (real) argument to disprove my beliefs, i am all ears

please say it i would love to have my mind blown i rly would

but i never see any legit rebuttal to them

[greenorangevioletgrass]

thinking of doming dilf!art into oblivion. like imagine the power of like early twenties reader making 30s something art puddy in her hands. YA'LL like??? i just want to motorboat his big ass titties like my life depends on it! why does he have such majestic boobies like? ill bite them don't tempt me fr

nonny, whoever you are out there, you are a mind reader bc this is top tier and i legit also just did this last night lolll

it’s like any other night snuggling in bed, lying in his arms. a kiss turns into two, and turns into a full blown makeout. art runs hot, so his shirt was already off when he first got into bed. so you’re just there, stroking his dick. his nipples are so pink and pert and pretty, and it’s staring you in the face. you playfully nip him there, and his back arches. the sigh-moan-whimper combo he makes is obscene.

oh.

it’s soft and sweet as you suckle on him hungrily, lazily playing with his cock, still snuggled up to him while he begs you, “baby please, i want your pussy please…”

[artists-ally]

Can you please write some more Azriel smut with his mate thank you !!!

{Bow} Reader x Azriel

Oh babes, you ask and you shall receive. Y'all went fucking BANANAS with my last Az smut, so here ya go you filthy sluts (i'm the filthiest slut there is i write this shit) Also you cannot convince me that Az isn't a dom. Enjoy!! Title from this song

Word Count: 2,869

Warnings: smut, spanking, spitting, choking, praise kink, breeding kink, possessive behavior, bondage, dom/sub vibes

Tagging: @librafairy @needylilgal022

Summary: Azriel goes a little feral after the mating bond snaps into place.

~~~~~

I knew it was going to happen. I could feel it coming. Just one of those once-in-a-lifetime feelings when you just know something is going to happen. There wasn’t anything I could do to warn Az since he was on the other end of the continent in Illyria. 

But my bones buzzed when he told me he was coming home. It was just a caress down the bond, a flicker of his shadow around my hand to let me know, but it was intense. I didn’t know if he knew or not, but I certainly did. 

“Okay, why are you pacing around?” Mor snapped me out of my thoughts. 

“I think it’s going to happen. Like today,” I said through a hurried breath. Mor squealed and I flinched, the sound doing nothing to help the vein pulsing in my head. 

“Oh my gods oh my gods I cannot believe it!” She jumped up and down. “Finally.”

“Hey,” I frowned slightly. “It’s not our fault. And we both agreed we’d wait until it felt right to pursue it. Who knew it would take two and a half years.”

“Can I say how proud of you I am for waiting? I could never be that patient,” Mor grabbed me by my shoulders. “I am so happy for you, Yn. No one in Prythian deserves this more than you two.” “Thanks,” I smiled sweetly, taking her hands in mine. I inhaled sharply and let it out. “What do I do?”

“You need to make him something to eat,” Mor hurried out, dragging me out of the living room of the Townhouse and into the kitchen. “What’s his favorite thing to eat?”

I thought for a moment, stuffing down the urge to say me and trying to think of a legit response. “He has always loved those pork dumplings I made for Solstice one year.”

“Perfect,” Mor ran around and grabbed the ingredients I listed off. “Let's make this the most memorable meal of his life!”

For about an hour I kneaded and folded the little dumplings into half circles, filling them with pork and vegetables before sealing them and dropping them in a pan. I was filled with so much excitement that the normally terrifying process of splattering oil didn't faze me. It was so hard to think about anything other than Azriel and what we’d do later tonight. Hopefully, anyway. 

I remember what Feyre told me about her and Rhys. What Cassian said about him and Nesta. That it had been a fury of teeth and tongues and touches. That there wasn’t any time to be wasted. The want. The primal need for each other and how brutal it was. But how satisfying and soul-bonding it was. 

Quite literally.

I finished the last of them up, plating the others for when he got home. He was getting closer; the shadow he always left me with was writhing between my fingers, circling around my wrist. 

“Okay, I will make sure everything is tidy and then I’m gone. And I will make sure no one comes within a three mile radius of this place for the next week. Or until you send word Azriel isn’t going to rip someone's head off.”

I rolled my eyes, “We’ll be fine. He’s almost here so get out.” “Good luck,” she winked, disappearing behind the corner. The front door opened and closed and I watched her winnow away. 

Why am I so nervous? It isn’t like it’s our first date all over again. He has seen the most intimate parts of my body, the most intricate parts of my mind and yet I was shivering with anticipation. Not nerves– excitement. 

I can hear the mighty beat of his wings as he approaches, and I see him land in the back garden, pushing his wind-blown hair off his forehead. My heart is at a furious pace. Gods he looks… it’s like I’m seeing him all over again. For the first time. All those thoughts and feelings rushing into me. 

There isn’t a fucking doubt in my mind that this is going to happen. 

Azriel draws open the back door and turns his head to the left, then to the right to find me motionless in the kitchen. “Yn…”

He says my name in the same breathless way he has since he learned what it was years ago. Our eyes lock and he shuts the door behind him. Azriel doesn’t waste a single second, scooping me up and drawing me in tight against his chest. He smells of the slight salt and lemon of the Sidra, but deep down his natural, rugged scent washes over me. 

“I have to stop taking such long trips to the Camp,” Azriel grumbles a laugh, pressing his lips to the top of my head. He takes a deep breath, then releases it. When I don’t respond– or chuckle alongside him– he draws back. “Yn?”

All I can do is look at him. His eyes are impossibly green at this moment. All the flecks of gold and amber igniting them. My chest is tight and the edges of my control are slipping. 

He furrows his brows, “Is everything…” And the words die on his tongue. 

It’s like Prythian tilts and slides into the sea. Down down down we go with it. I might’ve actually gasped with the crack that formed in my chest, breath still in my throat. 

It’s not the shimmering gold or tether of silver Feyre and Nesta had described. It is an inky black tendril of shadow that I can see, that I can feel, as clear as day. And right there, tied to the other end, is Azriel. Mate mate mate is the only hum I feel besides the roar of hope. Of promise. Of forever. 

Azriel shudders a breath, staggering a step back, eyes blinking as rapidly as his chest moves. His hands are digging into the sides of my arms. “Y-Yn-”

“I feel it,” I finished his unasked question. I nod again, forcing myself to believe that this is actually happening. He nods back, eyes never leaving mine. “I thought that I could feel it coming. Like- like this huge build up in my chest and… almost like a doorway? Like I could see the door but didn’t quite know how to unlock it.”

Azriel doesn’t say anything for a long few beats. “Mates…”

I nod. “Mates.”

It’s like saying it outloud solidified it because only after that did the burn for him become unbearable. It was untamed and wild and feral, just like Feyre had said it would be. Before we wrecked everything in the kitchen, I dropped his hands from my body and walked to the counter. 

I held out the plate of homemade dumplings and presented them to Azriel. His eyes looked from the plate and back up to me. 

He looked hungry. Not for the dumplings– most definitely not for the dumplings. I wonder what it feels like for him. If he’s as desperate as I am. As eager and impatient. If he can barely stand the two feet between us like I do. 

Azriel’s fingers are trembling as he plucks one of the dumplings off the plate and brings it to his mouth. In any other scenario I’d find it weird as he doesn’t look away while he chews… but his scent is driving me in-fucking-sane and I can't look away. 

I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t taste it, practically swallowing it whole. The plate of dumplings are on the floor the next second and a gasp leaves my mouth. His hand is fisted in my hair, mouth covering mine. 

Fuck me. Feyre wasn’t joking about everything feeling different. About feeling better. 

I pressed onto my toes and looped my arm around the back of his neck. He grabbed the backs of both my thighs and hauled me onto his hips. 

“Mate,” Azriel growled out. “My mate, my mate.”

My ass hit the counter and the canister of spoons and utensils crashed to the floor. I went to look, but Az gripped my throat and forced me to look back at him. He looked wild. Like pure instinct had taken over. 

“Az-”

“You’re fucking mine,” he spoke through clenched teeth. “All fucking mine.”

“All yours, Az,” I breathed out, his thumb pulling down my bottom lip. I sucked on it, tears springing into my eyes when he shoved it further down my throat. I watched the grin spread across his face. “All mine,” I said with equal possession. 

“Only you have that power now, Yn. The power to bring me to my knees. I do not bend to anyone except you. Always you. Forever you.”

My heart swelled before his lips were back on mine, tongue curling with mine in haste. His hands worked their way down my thighs, spreading them apart. I shuddered at the feeling of him against my core, cock already hard and pulsing against me. 

His scent– lightning hot with a touch of cinnamon– cascaded around me, blooming into the air and making my body react in a way I didn’t know it could. I scratched at the edges of his fighting leathers, desperate for his body against mine. Azriel reached for the straps, sliding them through the buckles with five centuries of experience and effortless precision. 

The material gave away and fell to the floor and there was nothing but his tattooed skin in my hands. Nails clawing up his back and shoulders, I couldn’t get closer if I tried. I needed closer. I Needed him inside me like I needed water or the sun. 

My body was thinking for me, hands fumbling with my bottoms as he ripped off his. Even as much as I didn’t want to draw away from his mouth, I couldn’t help the curiosity to look at him. 

I dipped my eyes down, seeing a few beads of slick slip from his body, coating the tip of him. I reached down, even more desperate for a taste than I had been for the feeling of his lips on mine. 

Az watched with a predatory look etched in his eyes. I gathered it and brought my finger to my mouth, the taste of him settling in my bones. He tasted how he always did, but there was just something more satisfying about it now. The confirmation that for the rest of our lives I would be able to have every part of him. Whenever I wanted. 

He couldn’t wait. And I didn’t blame him. In another heartbeat I was flipped over and on my stomach, knees knocking into the cabinet below. His hands tore the rest of the material from my body and the scraps gave away. 

He was panting. I’ve never heard him be this vocal. Or this destructive. “Hold still.” He commanded, pressing on the middle of my back to get me to stop squirming.

I obeyed. 

His hands spread my ass apart and I heard his tongue working in his mouth. I gasp when he spits onto my already soaked cunt, spreading it around with his fingers. He lands a crack to my ass with his palm next and I grit my teeth together, whining when he does it again. 

“Fucking mine,” He snarls, and I feel the tip of his chock slide over my clit. There is the familiar sting that comes with his size as he presses all the way in, not giving me the time to adjust like he normally would. 

But Cauldron damn me if I actually cared. I need him inside me. Need to feel every inch of his length until I couldn’t feel him at all. 

My body was vibrating, as was his. He pulled out and rocked back in, nails dragging down my spine. He let out a dark laugh, void of any real tenderness. “Gods I am going to fucking ruin you, Yn. Yeah you like that don’t you? Fuck.”

I cried out. My body was on fire. Every single hair on my skin stood up on end as he claimed me. Every part of my mind and body and soul melded together with Azriels with each snap of his hips. 

It was not soft. Or sweet. Or comfortable. We were both satisfying an ancient need for each other in every way possible. That door with his shadow leading me was wide open, and it was like I could see into his mind. Through his eyes, I looked at my marked body.

The noises tore through me as did my release. I convulsed around him, arching up and into the momentum as he rocked into me. In seconds I was lifted off the counter, still shuddering around his cock when we landed on the floor. 

Azriel hauled my ass into the hollow of his hips and hit places so deep inside me I didn’t know how to breathe. 

He was a panting, shaking mess behind me. 

“Mine,” he murmured against my neck, teeth grazing the skin. “You’re doing such a good job, taking my cock like that.”

I whimpered as he forced my hips to meet his. He leaned over my body and I felt a few drops of sweat trickle onto my skin. He pushed my chest flat against the floor and I wasn’t entirely sure that my spine wasn’t going to break with the force. With one hand pinning my shoulder, the other ripped my hair back, creating the most painful yet pleasurable angle. 

Shadows whirled around my body, ghosting every inch to stimulate me beyond anything I thought possible. All reason left my mind. I was his, and he was mine. His body, his soul… it was all mine. He was giving himself to me, just like I was giving myself to him. 

Every push of his body into mine drew sounds I didn’t know we could make. At this angle I could feel how much bigger he was than me. Knowing that if he wanted to he could easily over power my body without lifting a finger. 

For a second time my body overtook my mind, leaving me no choice to follow its lead. I shook and cried out, chanting his name over and over again as I came a second time in only a few minutes. 

“Fucking look at you,” Azriel said, easing up on his lod of my hair. “Taking my cock like it’s nothing. You are doing such a good job, Yn. Gonna fucking breed you. Aww, you’d like that, hmm? I can feel you clenching, feel how much you want it.”

I nodded, not able to form any words. 

Azriel turned me over on my back and pinned my knees to the floor with his shadows. That same darkness curled around my wrists and sealed them above my head while his hands worked my nipples, my clit. 

I couldn’t thrash even if I wanted to. His teeth left marks along my chest, the muscles in his shoulders rippling as he forced his cock into me at a brutal pace. 

“Oh fuck,” he whimpered. “F-fuck yes, Gods you feel so fucking hot.”

I did my best to tighten around him, and judging by the way his hips stuttered, I did a good job. The muscles around his ribs and abdomen flared, the veins in his arms pushing to the surface. 

“I can’t-” he heaved for a breath, mumbling curses and pleas. “Can’t hold on anymore.”

“Let go,” I beg, new tears spilling down my cheeks. “Fill me up.”

Azriel was a mess of gasping breaths and praise as he focused all his motion. Every hard ridge of his body was constricted and convulsing with power as he cursed again, head dipped low, breath fanning over my chest and neck. 

My mind melted as I felt the bond snap into place even deeper. There had been a mental connection earlier, but this was the physical side. Azriel’s front draped over mine as he came deep inside me, his thighs shaking as he fucking into me over and over and over, cum trickling out with each new push of his cock into my aching cunt. 

“That’s a good girl… there you go,” he slurred his words, drunk off the feeling of his release. I could feel it as if it was my own. Feel his claim on my body as if it was my own. “Take it all. All fucking mine. Such a good mate. Taking all my cum so fucking good.”

I moaned, fingers and toes tingling as he took his weight off my chest and sat up. Sweat gleamed his body. My eyes were blurry, but I could still see the need in his eyes. 

I swallowed, the high of it all settling in. His hands roamed over my body, up around the creases of my still bound thighs, and up my sides. 

After a few more short gasps, his hand was gripping my chin. “I am not letting you out of the fucking bed until no one is able to tell our scents apart again. Everyone is gonna know that you’re mine. My mate, and everyone will know I am yours.”

[theshadowrealmitself]

So you know there’s people who think Batman has Gotham completely fooled with his Bruce Wayne persona, and there’s people who think the people of Gotham can tell he’s Batman and he’s not fooling anyone in the slightest?

Well my headcanon is that Batman thinks he crafted this specific persona that’s fooled everyone, and it does keep people from guessing his secret identity, but,,, no one actually thinks of him as “party boy Bruce Wayne,” nah, his persona gets interpreted in a different light

See, everyone knows the heartbreaking story of this guy losing his parents young, but also, there’s a ton of people who know that his parents were involved in some shady stuff that Bruce is actively not a part of, a good majority of Gothamites probably work at some place he owns and will see him at some point taking an active interest in his company to make sure he’s not cutting corners and that no one who works under him is cutting corners, and he actually donates to a ton of good causes without it being some shady tax evasion thing

Combine that with the fact this dude keeps adopting children, his best friend became a villain, Jason died (he was such a sweet kid when he was Robin you cannot tell me he wasn’t a media darling), and the guy keeps pumping money into mental health services just for it to not do help much because the whole place is actually legit cursed

I think a majority of Gothamites see Bruce as someone who’s genuinely trying to be a good person, but he clearly keeps jumping from mania (“partying” visibly) to deep depression (hiding from the press to hide his obvious wounds from being Batman), and what’s he gonna do? Get help with his mental health in Gotham?? The guy obviously tried to make stuff better for Harvey, but Gotham is still the worst place for mental health services

That’s why I think his cover is never blown when it’s obvious he’s not actually partying or stuff, Gothamites try to return the good he’s put out by making sure he’s safe, like “distracting” him from hard drugs (they don’t know he actually has no intention of taking any), anyone finds out he’s not actually drinking alcohol? clearly another person switched his drink out so the poor guy doesn’t drink himself into a coma, he doesn’t actually have sex with any of the models he hangs around? everyone knows because everyone is already aware the models are mostly there to make sure he doesn’t put himself into a coma with all his partying and could never take advantage of the guy when he’s obviously not in his right mind

Just,,, Bruce Wayne still being seen by Gotham the same way he was when he was a sweet kid cause that can tell he’s a sweet adult

[deathofacupid]

stupid | jake peralta

a/n: apparently gina's character has haters...

summary: he's an idiot, and you can't help but worry for him.

warnings: cursing, petty y/n (sorry in advance)

pairing: fem!reader x jake peralta (enemies but lovers)

word count: 2.5k+ words

"no, because you're an idiot!"

"i had him!" jake argues back. look at him, thinking he's all smart and crap.

"you quite literally did not," you throw your hands up, exasperated, "he would've blown off your head!"

"he wouldn't have! i would've talked him down!"

"oh, yeah, because you're just so charming," your voice oozes with sarcasm.

"i'll have you know that i am, in fact, quite charming."

"i don't want to even know what your definition of charming is."

"it's-"

"i said i don't want to know. and that's not even the point. how did we get here?"

"because you claimed-"

"it was rhetorical! the point is that you were being stupid and reckless!"

"what about you? is there, like, no trust in this relationship? fine, i might've been a little... but- but it doesn't matter! i could've got him! he wouldn't have shot me."

"yes, he-"

"nuh-uh!"

"yeah!"

"nu-"

"look, peralta. for once in your life, think with your head, not your junk."

he paused, squinting an eye, "uh, spontaneousness is... hot?"

"having my partner bleeding out on the ground, and i hate to break it to you, is not hot."

"subjective."

"it's really not."

"that's also subjective."

"what's also subjective?"

"your opinion on the subjectiveness is subjective, 'kay?"

you pinch the bridge of your nose. "jacob-"

"'jacob'?" he whines. "that's never good."

"-it's not even about your stupid, rash decisions. i'm your partner for this case. you can't just- just go off without me. we work together, you know that. storming into an active crime scene - mind you, with armed shooters-"

"well, if they're shooter, aren't they already armed?"

you give him a look (the millionth one that day). "jake, i am not kidding. and honestly, you shouldn't be either. this whole," you vaugely gesture to him, "childish personality was cute at first, but i'm getting real damn sick of it. grow. up. everyone already has. it's your turn," you jab him in the chest with your finger, jaw clenched.

"okay, wait, so it's not hot?" he calls to you as you storm out. he wasn't really expecting an answer, but jake was disappointed anyways.

you do your best to avoid him the rest of the week, and yes, the silent treatment is petty, but he needs to know you're being legit about this. otherwise, he'll never get it.

you don't want him to get over-confident and pull crap like that. up until now, someone's always had his back.

but what if one day, they just don't?

"mm, i'm thinking there's a little trouble in paradise," gina says, pointing at you, then jake from across the bar.

another case had just been solved, and it was a big one. and who doesn't like to get shit-faced drunk?

not many people, actually.

and, hey, maybe this is what you need. a chance to loosen up, and just for once, not think about that fight.

a chance to loosen up by sulking alone is what you mean, not gina prodding you about your relationship problems.

"okay, well, you go take that big brain of yours and think somewhere else."

"or - and hear me out - you tell me what's going on. i think we should go with the latter."

you sigh, is there any way you're getting out of this? you peer over her shoulder, trying to find amy.

"it's no use, my friend," she says, "we are offically on drink three amy."

"aw, man." from past experience, third drink amy was not helpful amy. you think you like helpful amy better.

much, much better.

especially now.

"now, spilll."

"ugh, fine," you say, as you down another two shots. if you're gonna talk about this, you're gonna need some background help.

"ooh, and she's going down from there," gina whispers.

"jake was being stupid, i got mad at jake for being stupid, jake is mad at me - because, and get this, he thinks i'm the stupid one!" you scoff, "i mean, come on! like, sorry i saved your ass, my bad. won't happen again!"

when you look over at him, he's talking with terry. completely unaffected! it's like, how dare he.

"oh, my god. gina, do you see that? look. at. him." he's laughing with terry and charles, as if nothing ever happened. you did not spend an entire week being petty for nothing.

you grind your teeth and turn back to the bar.

"i'll be honest with you, i have a feeling he doesn't realize you're mad at him."

"i've been avoiding him... all week."

"uh, you might have to step up your game."

"or don't do that," rosa says from beside you, making you jump.

"when did you even get here?" you splutter.

"i'm a good cop."

"or just a really scary ninja," you mutter.

gina tilts her head, "yeah, but if you're over here, who's watching amy?"

rosa blinks, "jake, i guess."

you've never almost snapped your neck that hard. you narrow your eyebrows, "four drink amy."

"is she..." gina pauses, "dirty-talking him?"

"she's drunk," rosa reminds you, to which you nod. "yeah, duh, of course. i can see that. um, very well."

gina cackles, "now, it's how jake responds - that's what matters."

"this is the saddest thing thing i've seen all day."

you shoo her, not looking her direction, "shhh, rosie." she swats your hand away, but you're too busy to notice.

"y/n, he's literally getting her water."

"damn him for being such a gentleman," you mutter.

"jake? gentleman? isn't his sense of humor literally just poop jokes?" you ignore gina's remark too.

you watch charles gently guide amy to a booth in the back, and then your attention is back on jake.

jake and the hot blonde beside him.

gina nods, "and the plot thickens."

"god," you scowl, "look at her with her prada. i hate rich people."

diaz snorts, "think you might be projecting there?"

"definitely," you tell her.

"it looks like small talk, y/n."

"who's side you on, diaz?"

she puts her hands up in mock surrender. "no one's. i'm just doing you a favor by not feeding into your delusions."

"where's sober amy when you need her?" you groan.

"what would you need her for?"

"lip-reading, duh."

"...right," rosa blinks.

you whine, "holdling grudges are so hard."

"they really aren't," diaz shrugs.

"why can't he just be not dumb? do you know how much easier that would make my life. hint: much, much, easier. like, scale out of to ten; 12, easier."

"terry has a wife, right?"

"is that rhetorical? or are you really asking? because he never shuts up about his wife and kids."

"do you think-" you start.

"that he could help you figure out what's happening between the two of you?" a deeper voice says.

"god!" you exclaim, "you guys just come out of nowhere!"

"well, terry would love to help you."

"okay, first, i was gonna say 'help me by talking sense into him', not have a couple's counseling."

"i think you should talk to him," terry says.

"no, no, you should talk to him. he totally started this."

"what happened?"

you frown, "n-"

"nothing is not a valid answer. because, trust me, everyone at the precinct know it's something."

"everyone?" you squeak.

"everyone," he confirms.

"i second that," rosa adds, "you guys are normally on top of each other."

"...yeah," gina winces, recalling the storage room incident.

"you really think i should just talk to him?"

"i do."

you tug your bottom lip between your teeth, debating this. "i just... i feel like if i talk to him... he'll automatically think i'm okay with it. like i'm letting it go or something."

terry gives you one of those looks, "maybe that's why you should talk to him."

you pause for a moment longer, before deciding he's right.

ignoring him has done nothing, which is the opposite of what you're intent was. you want everything to be okay again, so maybe the silent treatment isn't the right thing.

you have to try somthing else.

and, by the looks of it, it's talking to him.

you slid off the barstool, playing with the end of your hair as you approach him.

maybe if you'd gotten up a little earlier, as his girlfriend, that stupid blonde wouldn't think it was okay to shamelessly flirt with him. you raise an eyebrow as she rest a hand on his bicep, and he does nothing to stop her.

does he not realize she's clearly feeling him up?

you turn back to your small group of friend, giving them a look that says "what now?".

before any of them can respond, someone taps your shoulder. "jesus! what's with scaring the shit out of me today?"

you except it to be hitchcock or scully so you can let some hot air out by screaming at them. it is not in fact either of those to.

standing in front of you is the literal definition of tall, dark, and handsome. "i'm a good cop!" you blurt.

"sorry if i startled you," oh god, he's british too.

if you weren't dating jake, you'd be all over this guy. but honestly, he doesn't hold a candle to your boyfriend.

but... does he know that?

you put on a polite smile as you shake your head. "no, i'm all good."

"cool, then," he remarks, leaning against the slab of the bar. okay, okay, slick. "one kamikaze, please." the man turns to look at you, "mind if i get you something?"

"sure," you brush a strand of hair behind your ear. "i'll have..." you scrunch up your nose, "the same thing."

"it's a margarita. just vodka instead."

"pft, i knew that."

he laughs, and it feels so... practiced. like he's done it a thousand times before, nothing but for stage presence. your eyes flit over him, and by his watch, you can tell that just might be the case.

"vincent, by the way." man, rich person name too.

"y/n," you say, shaking his hand. "nice to meet you."

"wow, pretty name for a pretty girl."

you pretend to giggle, squeezing his arm gently. how cliched was that line?

"you're so sweet." you can see jake seething at vincent, and you give him nothing but a petty look.

his attention is clearly not on the girl anymore, and it's just the way you like it.

you decide to indulge in this further, "where you from, pretty boy?" wait, was that too much? too late.

he chuckles, "london, sweets."

"oh, wow. what're you doing all the way over here?"

"ah, just work things."

"really? what's your job?"

"v.p. for a finance company. you?"

"nypd," you say.

"interesting."

you blink, "why?"

"i just- well, you don't see too many female cops. it's more of a... male-dominated thing, you know? and for good reason, i bet," he laughs like it's this insanely funny thing, and you follow along.

"hey, baby," jake comes up beside you, arm around your waist.

"oh, so now i'm 'baby'."

vincent looks from you to him, then back at you.

"you've always been 'baby'!"

"have i? because you looked like you forgot that, over with that blondie."

"are you serious? i wasn't even-"

"great," vincent mutters.

"she's was flirting with you!"

"she really wasn't!"

you give him a look. "okay, so maybe she was, but i swear i didn't know. like, she asked me about that dimond heist! and it's the coolest story to tell!"

"c'mon, you really didn't know? you always know!"

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"it means you can't keep it in your pants and, for some reason, you're proud of it!"

"what about you? you, and i know for a fact, were all giggly with this guy!"

"i think i'll be heading out-"

"don't you dare even move, vinny."

"seriously? vinny?" jake scoffs.

"and i was only over here because i thought you were flirting with her!"

"so it's some stupid, petty, misunderstanding?"

"stupid? oh-ho, you want stupid, jakey? what's stupid is trying to take on an armed criminal while unarmed."

"god, this again? i told you i had it!"

"guys!" you call to rosa and boyle, "enlighten us - him - did jake really 'have it'?"

neither of them respond. in fact, charles finds the rim of his shot glass very interesting.

"that's what i thought," you say, finishing your shot and slamming it down.

you march right out, and it's not until you make it out that you realize you rallied the attention of everyone in there.

a part of you feels really stupid, but another part is just mad. why doesn't he get that his actions have consequences?

"y/n?"

you quickly wipe away your tears.

"go away. i'm going home," you rummage through your purse for keys. you may have forgotten that you drove here.

"no, you're not. you're intoxinated."

"fuck off."

"it would've been so much cooler if you said 'fuck you'."

"wh- oh, my god."

"sorry, sorry! look, you're right. i didn't want to admit it before, but you are."

"because of your hero complex?"

"i don't- oh."

"yeah," you sniff.

"hey," he says, pulling you in for a hug. he smells like jake, like home. not your house, your home. resting his chin on the top of your head, you're tucked into his neck. "i didn't even know she was f-"

"jake, it's not about her. you know that."

he sighs, "i just don't get it. i mean, it's my job. and my job is dangerous."

"yeah, and you're right. the hostage thing was dangerous, but it didn't have to be that dangerous. if you would've given me just two minutes, i would've been there. i could've helped. you didn't need to do all that."

"what if in that two minutes, they hurt someone?"

"they were so obviously busy. they wouldn't have done anything. they were... dumb. and you just wanted to make your 'cool enterance'."

"okay, yeah, that was part of the reason. but i needed you to trust me."

"and i needed you to keep me in the loop. you just went, i mean, i didn't even find out until you were there."

"alright, i'm sorry. but i'm okay. i'll always be, right? because i've got you," he pauses, "that was cute, right?"

you pull away, "i might not always be there. you got lucky! jake, you... you could've died." your voice breaks, and you don't do anything to conceal it.

"aww, hey," he coos, bringing you back in. "i'm... i'm sorry. seriously, i really am. i didn't know you were worried about that. i thought you were just mad at me for keeping you... in the dark, a little."

"of course i was worried, jakey. you're my boyfriend, and i love you. i don't- i don't know what i'd do if you died out there. so, maybe in hindsight, dating my co-worker wasn't a good a idea."

"i'll be more careful from now on, i promise. it won't happen again," jake finishes, kissing your forehead. "and i love you too."

"okay," you sigh, content.

"does this mean we can have hot, angsty make-up sex?"

"why would it be angsty?"

"is that a no?"

ask to be added to the jake peralta tag-list!

[daisyswift3]

I am 100% convinced pumpkin anon is legit. I mean there’s just no way they could’ve written these messages w so many parallels to ttpd w some phrases being almost exactly the same. And there’s undoubtedly more connections between them. My mind is absolutely blown rn

[monstersholygrail]

oh my GOSH?! look i was minding my business looking for some nice monster fucker content and you just APPEAR? im SO glad i decided to treat myself cause what you’re writing is DELECTABLE!!!!!!! i am SO in love with so many pieces and i’m not done looking!! and omg it’s like you know every dirty little secret i’ve never been able to think out thoroughly! biiiiig kudos to you, i am STAYING over here i love it.

( shoutout to Demon Priest & Merman/Shark-hybrid bfs my gosh they’re all lovely and would love to see more please!!! )

I just wanna spoil you in cheek kisses, this is such a sweet thing to say. Oh my gosh, I’m legit blown away right now! Thank you so so much!

I’m really glad you enjoy my writing so much and the fics I’ve written. I hope you continue to find other works of mine that you like both ones already posted and ones yet to be written.

Also yes, I totally see you. I get you. I reveal little secret kinks and such of my own in some of my stuff haha. Hope it brings comfort to you and others to know people share your tastes. And yes!! Please stay as long as you’d like. More than happy to have you all.

Oh my goodness, the shoutouts!! I love seeing Demon Priest get so much love. He’s very precious. And AHH! The Mershark and Merman fic was also such a guilty pleasure of mine. So i definitely plan to do more with these characters!!