#my little hands go as fast as I can
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tinylittlelilac · 9 months ago
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call me ensemble stars english the way I’m 2 months late to every holiday
I think it still counts though for Valentine’s Day, :>
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this Valentine’s Day I am proclaiming my love to you. Yes.you. The girl reading this xo
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icewindandboringhorror · 23 days ago
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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myokk · 2 months ago
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my favorite bookworm
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novadragoness · 3 months ago
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A builder who totally understands where X is coming from, collecting all those shinies for Coco, because she also likes shiny things, and has been secretly leaving pretty rocks on Unsuur's porch for weeks now.
#my time#my time at sandrock#sandrock#X#X and Fang#Unsuur#Builder#each of my builders I HC to be a little bit different#Rave loves dancing and is a total extravert - she may be book smart; but doesn't tend to act like it#Zurika likes shiny things and wants to fight. She's not angry; she just really wants to fight.#Sparring; monster fighting; whatever lets her improve those skills.#Rave learned to fight because it became important to know how in Sandrock.#She enjoys sparring now; and takes pride in the skill; but it didn't start that way for Rave.#Zurika learned how to fight because her parents weren't there to stop her anymore#Zurika is a good sport; just as happy to lose a fight as to win one; as long as she can learn something from it#Rave likes relics and books. Zurika likes sparklies and daggers.#Zurika and Rave both like parkour though. Parkour; and Going Fast 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️#Zurika is plenty smart too - she just doesn't like books that much. She likes listening to stories or lectures; or watching old videos.#Rave has books and diagrams to look back on as needed; and does write some notes. Zurika just Remembers. Everything.#Sidenote; I really like X.#X is awesome 👌 Solid bro; silly little guy; I love the bird. Take some glass; my man. Have a scorpion on the house.#Love his cute relationship with Coco. 'X is on a date' is one of my favorite dialog options of all time. It sent me to outer space.#Unsuur caught me off guard with paint drying. I hadn't really noticed him much before that;#but that was the moment I realized he was gonna be a favorite of mine#Unsuur is the funniest guy in Sandrock; hands down. You just gotta give him a chance; you wouldn't expect it off first impressions.#Ily my dude; keep it weird#I will also be keeping it weird.#mtas#fandom#rambles
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frnkiebby · 8 months ago
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gggooooodddddd~🎃
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bambeebirdie · 1 year ago
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This is for @bluepeachstudios ‘s Ghost in a Shell. It’s really good you should read it.
I looked at exactly one picture of Jupiter Jim and went “yeah this should be enough to draw him.” I will not be answering if it actually was
Have some bonus content under the cut!
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And sketches
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(I love any character who can say “I don’t want to go back to prison” it’s like the funniest thing to me)
#i don’t know what compelled me to hand write that text. it’s not very good#we just don’t do things the easy way here. that’s why I render with an app on my phone. i don’t believe in simplicity#i had a plan for a lot more full body shots but then I couldn’t find any good lair references so I decided to screw it#I’ve never drawn rise characters before. this is my first time drawing them and expressions wow#I’m not very good at style copying and my default is so much rounder than rise is so that was just a woof#i should say all text in these shit posts aren’t canon at all. you can figure out where they likely take place yes#but they never show up in story#just a little fyi incase anyone decides to check it out#the entire inspiration for this post was just watching 2003 and going#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DID THAT??#ghost causally dropping the most wild facts about his life has like endless shit post potential#yeah I went to space. stole a ship. went to jail. aided a fugitive. held a dictator at gunpoint#and folks that’s just one arc. go watch 2003#i debated making angst as it is likely more currently topical but I’m a shit poster at heart#chapter 29. how we feeling boys? I’m actually doing rather well. i think just the fact the build up is over and I’m so tired I no longer#have emtions I’m just pumped for the next chapter whoo!#i started to lose mojo very fast while doing this but I wanted to finish today so I did. i hope it’s not too obvious#yeah anyways go read ghost in a shell#go watch 2003#go read ghost in a shell#i’m gonna go to bed now#ghost in the shell#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2018#fan fiction recommendations#fan art of a fan fic#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles 2003
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infiniteseriesofhalfways · 14 days ago
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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shocked-collar · 2 months ago
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8 minutes before the worst shift of my life lol
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viciousewe · 8 months ago
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*sighs* can’t make anything easy for myself can I?
I was sliding around the internet and saw this skirt from SHEIN.
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And immediately thought I can make that better! In beautiful linen! With massive pockets! So I got to work. Step one. I’ve been wanting a wrap circle skirt for a while so cool let’s do that. So I cut out the half circle, easy peaky. Well. I did not have enough fabric for the flounce after that. (Literally the time between seeing this pic and measuring fabrics was like. 15min lol) so I went on the website I got the linen from and they no longer offered it in the weight I needed!! Ok well. I do have a heavier linen in my stash already and I didn’t really want to pay more for shipping then for the fabric anyways. So I will use that. A waistband with the thicker fabric would be better anyways and the ruffle would have some nice heft plus I was gonna leave the edge raw and the thicker fabric would ravel just a little nicer imo.
But then.
I saw some cotton lace at the back of my stash. That would be hella cute!!! Only it was only 2 in wide. But that got me thinking about lace and um. Crocheted lace. That’s insane tho right? I already have a perfectly good solution and I haven’t crocheted a full piece in like 6 years….
Anyways I spent the morning before work sampling/relearning lol. I’m gonna have to make like 3 yards since I want a 2x times gathered ruffle.
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dirt-str1der · 5 months ago
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I will always be vocal about how much dr stone sucks and how stupid it is but to be quite honest it consumes 80% of my waking thoughts and yes i also downloaded the chinese kemonomimi doujin so i could pretend to read it in my spare time
#Listen to my problems#i was thinking again about how well picked the animals are for them like i really couldnt have done a better job#i always have something to say but this cowed me ....... a lion and a deer ... almost beastars but not .... amazing#no one will ever do it like him again. and not a red deer a white tailed deer like what other creature can present itself#with both majesty and cuteness .... the little bobbing tail ....enough to drive anybody crazy. even his allies want desperately to protect#him... and the one hunting him literally fell in love with him at first sight and licked him all over before letting him go#to be honest you look very delicious but unfortunately im not hungry ...#honestly the smell of blood is hard to ignore so can you tend to that wound first ...#and he sits quietly with him to listen to him because hes so well behaved ... you can be tamed with a fearlessly outstretched hand#the fiercest beast .... hyunjae was right when he said who would turn down that kind of affection#and the view of senku from the bottom up that tail again front and centre... slightly raised so you can see the softest whitest fur under...#but also the cut on his leg that he sustained from wandering the woods with such a tiny skirt. utterly obscene#i understand this is a dj about them eventually having lots of cross species babies but holy fuckkkkk never in history has there been two#characters who are such a perfect match for each other they can do it all#i think senku should get tsukasa pregnant actually. YOU will breastfeed. uhn... leave it to me#anyway since nobody wanted to hear it from me i'll say it here but white tailed deers literally get chased as foreplay because the female#only mates when shes ready so she just evades the male until its time but also it would be funny if senku just isnt fast enough to escape#and he gets mounted right away and tsukasa doesnt let him go until the 24 hour lion mating period is over#every fifteen minutes to half an hour he will get a load up his rear and by the end of it he will look like (pile of shredded lettuce)
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real-life-cloud · 1 year ago
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:)
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nejackdaw · 1 year ago
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Now That You've Lost Tomorrow (is yesterday still a friend?)
4.2k words of the Celann backstory in my head
Under the cut for length; not NSFW. Also leave my Jimminy Cricket ass alone, I was thinking about Disney narrators when I started this lmao. It wasn't supposed to be an actual piece send help
Ahem. (Tw animal death) (tw gore) [Minor edit made 8/28/24]
Born in the Northmoor of Breton High Rock, Celann aged to be a fine man. With a lively, happy home, he was a handsome, good natured jokester with a penchant for bringing smiles wherever he went. Be it through mischief at home, exaggerated peacocking (resulting in clumsy accidents) in front of his beloved fiancee, charitable work through the town, or the song on his lips, he was an easygoing presence that had endeared himself to the people around him. Life was good and grand: he had an easy, do nothing guard job in a happy little town to bring in coin, plans to settle down and start a family, and wanted for nothing between it all. But things started to change when his elder sister prepared to set off on her apprenticeship–dark winds blew in that he, and all of them, would never recover from.
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It was an adjustment for everyone with Jehanne recently absent; she'd been gone only a week, but the absence of fabric scraps and 'come look at this for me's, the messily kept tomes and quills that dripped ink, the prospect of not hearing another "you're being ridiculous, it's been weeks! Come join us for dinner!" and her high pitched, victorious cackles as she raced away, knowing she'd magically cleared up everyone's schedules by asking–she'd only been gone a week, but it felt an awfully lot longer than that. Celann kept up with his guard work in her absence and Charlotte, ever interested in his sister's seamstress and design work, had taken up the hobby when she wasn't keeping the ledger at Garnier's, insisting someone had to be leaving fabric in a house somewhere in Jehanne's absence–to balance things out, obviously, as all good magic is supposed to be.
Time passed this way for another week or so as everyone tried to reassure themselves that everything was fine; it was a large change, but they'd known for months, and they'll settle into this new normal soon and everything would be fine. But suddenly news came whispering through the streets of strange shadows passing by windows at night, shadows with no one to cast them, and soon enough the guards were being asked to look out for missing pets, small cats and birds that must have gotten loose.
Small cats and birds that were found far from their homes and butchered, torn apart but not eaten.
An uneasiness settled over the town as more and more of the creatures turned up, and "killer" was on everyone's lips. After a few weeks of disappearances and gory resurfaces, they began tapering off until they stopped entirely. Like any predator: from small prey to large–the guards instructed woodsmen and hunters, trappers and fur traders to keep an eye out in the woods for anything that didn't look like an animal had gotten to it first. It took only two days after the order was given for a horrified hunter to return with news of a torn, gaunt elk carcass, black with rot around the edges of the worst wounds. Next it was a boar, then a doe–then nothing once again.
Celann was tasked with joining patrols, increased in the wake of the animal attacks until investigators, who so far had found no leads towards what everyone assumed to be a fledgling serial killer, could find some hint as to what had been happening. Everyone waited anxiously for the inevitable first victim.
It came only a month after the shadow appeared.
Following loud, panicked shouts, Celann stumbled into an alleyway to find something hardly recognizable as human. It was pale, even for a corpse, and gaunt like the beasts had been–ripped apart and stained black at the edges, wounds rotting prematurely. He covered his mouth and looked away as he desperately fought against the thick, burning bile at the back of his throat, side stepping into a puddle of dried blood to let a more senior guard pass by.
When everything had been documented, after the corpse had been covered and the area sealed off–more for the townspeople's sake than the scene's–and they were given permission to leave, Celann headed immediately to the blacksmith, grateful for the harsh, painful way the smell and smoke of the forge cleaned the blood and rot from his lungs. He left with three sturdy daggers, weapons he grimly pressed into his family's hands as he made them swear to carry it with them. The protests died on all their lips when they saw the fear in his eyes, each taking it with the same gravity Celann presented it with and solemnly promising they would.
After only three days, there was another disappearance; another corpse, butchered and rotting unnaturally. He'd never possessed the same gift for magic most of his people did, but Celann knew enough–knew to fear the third and what it would bring, because there was no way this terror was only a man and threes were either a blessing or a curse. In the end, it was both.
When he stumbled on the third victim, it hardly occured to him that the man had anything at all to do with the last horrifying, supernatural month. He wasn't torn open like everything before, the ground wasn't coated in blood and viscera. He looked almost like someone who'd been lucky and gone in his sleep somehow–but when Celann knelt down to check if he was alive, he startled to see familiar jewelry and recognized the gaunt corpse of the book seller from around the block. His wedding band sat at an angle around a finger too small for the old, tarnished metal, and when Celann reached for his wrist to get a better look he touched something slimy and cold.
He distantly registered someone from the patrol calling out his name as he stared down at the red on his fingers, a steadily growing urge filling him with every beat of his heart to smear it off on the rough stones beneath him until his own blood ran hot and quick and erased the feeling forever. He clenched his fist instead–looked over at the boots beside him and pretended he hadn't just terrified himself as a second guard knelt with him to inspect the body.
It was Simon who found the most important thing the body had to tell them; Celann was busy wiping the blood off on his trousers and trying to get his mind working right again. A frantic tap on his shoulder got his attention and he looked up into Simon's wide, terrified eyes before slowly turning his head to see what he'd found. The gloved hand gripping the corpse's jaw slowly retreated, shaking, and Celann looked down to see two frighteningly neat holes at the side of the neck.
They shared a long, quiet look before Celann reached out again for the merchant's hand, praying desperately he didn't dig his fingers into disgustingly smooth, exposed flesh again as he avoided gripping the wrist to turn it around. Torn and bloodied, but the black edges were smaller this time. Cleaner, neater, less noticable.
They raced away burdened with news of a vampire preying on the town, searching desperately for the commander and whatever investigators they could find.
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The city was placed under curfew immediately after the news arrived, and patrols were focused for the dark and evening hours. Everyone was required inside and with at least one companion; a vampire could easily overpower a pair, but the hope was that, with no lone targets, it would resent the effort it would take to target anyone else. Guards were similarly paired and ordered not to stray from one another–the only souls out in the night needed to be vigilant. Celann thought about the daggers he'd bought his family, thought about Charlotte taking Jehanne's room at home without him there in the night to share their bed. He wondered what good those knives would be, what good his sword would do him, if the beast got insistent.
Heavy tension hung over the town for weeks after the news arrived. Curtains were drawn and lights were left burning outside as people hoped the creature would pass them by. Every sound was investigated.
After a week, after two, after a month… there was nothing. No pets, no woodland beasts, no disappearances.
The dread started to lighten as time passed, and after four weeks of no new attacks, the townsfolk had, to a degree, returned to life as normal. They were still sure to make it home before night properly fell, still kept a light on, but as the days went by there seemed to be a collective feeling that it had all been a nightmare, some trick of Vaermina.
Celann noted three absences with every pass through the town.
Nightmares didn't claim lives, and he worried at how quickly everyone let themselves believe any danger had passed. The bookshop was closed for a week, what with the owner being dead; he and Lotte liked to buy each other occasional gifts from there, and the darkness in the windows–always warmly lit and welcoming before–never failed to stir a sense of dread in him.
But then a second month was passing without any sort of attack, patrols returned to normal, and even Celann let himself relax. With how often the beast had attacked before, there was no way it would sit and wait for months. The town had been on alert and anything it would have hunted locked inside, but even the forests nearby had been spared. It had surely moved on at this point to easier prey, or either fled in order to avoid detection, he reasoned.
That reasoning was why he accepted the promotion offered to him: an easy, quiet job out at the watchtower, not too far from town and coming with a pay increase; he'd be replacing someone who quit, understandably, in light of the vampire attacks while they had been happening. The new station was a bit of a trek from the gates, at the edge of the forest, but the road was usually quiet enough and the pay was enticing so he agreed. Fresh air, new faces–it sounded like a nice change of scenery, anyway.
It took a few mornings–early, dark, quiet–to adjust to all the rustling, and Perrette teased him for it, but they got on well and she explained their duties simply and easily. They arrive at midnight and they're relieved around breakfast, and spend their downtime chatting or pretending they weren't falling back asleep. Celann never bothered her when she did, and she returned the favor when he was half asleep, half awake, never quite able to properly sleep in the tower.
It was early, a week or so after he'd started, and he was tired; he'd been resting with his head pillowed on his arms at his desk, lost in that dark, semi conscious haze. There wasn't anyone out at this hour, with the moon still so high, and he paid no mind when he hadn't heard Perrette for what should have been a suspiciously long time. She was probably playing cards and he was just resting, after all, not falling asleep like his coworker did. If anything popped up they could handle it.
Just resting is why one eye opened blearily at a sound outside, a sound Celann had only half heard and had already forgotten by the time he was looking at candlelit paperwork. He kept it open a bit longer, listening for any other sounds, then let his eyes close again, shifting in his seat to get comfortable. Nothing, just the dark and the quiet–but as the seconds passed something settled heavy in his chest, had suspicion creeping into his head, and he sat up to look around.
Nothing. Just the dark and the quiet. He slowly stood from his chair and breathed deep, waking himself up as he glanced around the inside of the watchtower. Perrette wasn't at the window, there was no humming or the sound of cards, like he'd expected. The deck was, however, still out on the windowsill, game partially through, and when he moved closer he spotted a few that had blown outside. A familiar dread settled over him as he looked down at them, caught in flower stems and other growth that kept them from blowing farther away.
The moon was still high. Perrette was not here. She was not with the cards she carried in a little box as a gift from her lover, hand drawn with curling letters on the back. It was quiet. It was… unnaturally still, Celann realized. He stared out through the window at the road as his hand moved to the hilt of his sword. He listened. Something moved in the undergrowth behind the station and he quietly crept his way to the–open–back door.
A black hare greeted him at the threshold, a bloody, mangled carcass with its white ribs exposed to the moonlight. The smell of rot hit him and his face twisted; his sword scraped against the sheath as he drew it.
Vampire.
Celann didn't know where Perrette was, what had happened to her, but he doubted the beast would leave a display if it wasn't waiting. It hadn't left. He stared out into the woods and swallowed, listening and hearing nothing. Nothing. His heart beat a terrified rhythm behind his ribs as he stepped outside, stepping carefully over the carcass and into the night, heading hesitantly for the woodline.
He'd hardly stepped through, heel snapping dead leaves and trampling plants–sound, something BURSTING forward, a scream–
He managed to put an arm between them, elbow digging into their chest, pain, hot, claws and yellow eyes. His heel slid back in the dirt as the creature strained against him, screaming and snarling and gnashing bloody teeth inches from his face. The hot smell of blood and decay hit him in the face and suddenly there was a fist in his hair, pulling painfully and jerking his head to the side–it vanished as soon as it appeared and Celann watched the vampire stumble back, face twisted in betrayal.
His own twisted to mirror it as he stared at the disfigured visage of his sister.
Jehanne.
She was clutching one of her hands as if injured, and he noticed a small, circular brand pressed into the heel of her palm. The shape of his earring, a small piece of silver resting by his jaw.
Those two moments stretched into forever then minutes suddenly blurred–claws, pain, BEGGING, being thrown, his shoulders slamming into a tree.
Celann blinked blood from his eyes and raised himself onto a shaking arm, catching his breath as he reached for his sword. He noticed she'd torn through his sleeves; the cloth was dark and sticky with blood, and he could feel the edge of his mouth throbbing, the skin around his lips torn open with a nasty downward swing of her claws. Jehanne was pacing agitatedly, glaring down at him and spitting to herself as he pushed himself to sit in the undergrowth. His head was throbbing dizzyingly, shoulders on fire from the impact, and he could feel something hot and wet snaking its way through the short hairs at the back of his neck.
Celann staggered to his feet, leaning against the tree for support, and let out a shuddering breath as he held his sword in front of him. Trying to evaluate.
She wasn't uninjured herself, not that it did him any good; he'd mangled one of her wrists and she'd still thrown him like a doll. He'd cut and sliced and stabbed and she was standing all the same, and they shared a mutual look of despair. Some mix of emotions flashed across her face, faintly illuminated by what moonlight breached the canopy, bright eyes wide as her lips were parting and she was clawing at her face, fangs glistening, then– "But we're family!" she wailed
The world went quiet.
Realization hit him, then. Cold blood. The world became the woman in front of him. He couldn't let her leave. Horror. Couldn't let her live. Agony. She'd kill them all. Kill her first.
He wondered how many times his sister must have crept past their windows, how many nights she must have watched him from the forest. Family. She'd kill him if it meant turning him, kill them all if he couldn't stop her.
Jehanne took a step forward and spread her arms invitingly, one wrist hanging at a sickening angle. Another step when he didn't immediately move, a sweet smile on her face, then lunged–steel and blood and pain and screams. He couldn't hesitate, couldn't go easy anymore. Blood flew from his blade as he drove it into her heart–vampires need to be stabbed in the heart–once, twice, a third time. He staggered back and tensed, waiting for her to somehow still be moving, dizzy with blood loss and buzzing with adrenaline.
He distantly watched her head slump against the ground, face half pressed into the dirt; glowing yellow eyes went dim and returned to a familiar brown. He watched, paradoxically, as she regained some color, despite being dead. Dead. He looked at glassy eyes and felt far away. Trees and green growth and blood splatters came back into view, but it was someone else's view, someone else's eyes. They laughed, whoever it was, desperate and manic, and dropped his sword as he stared at his sister's corpse. Something was screaming about it, somewhere inside him, but it was far away and muffled, a mile away.
Celann stumbled on suddenly weak legs towards the nearest tree and let himself collapse to the ground against it, staring at her face until it blurred. Everything blended together, and all he knew was that he was cold. He distantly remembered he was bleeding, but the thought vanished almost instantly into the gentle fog that was clouding his mind. He shivered, he thinks, and then thinks nothing else as he sits on the forest floor beneath the moon for hours.
He doesn't register Perrette stumbling out of the watchtower, only partially realizing she was yelling at him at all, even as she knelt beside him. He came back to himself when someone was snapping incessantly in his face, when irritation managed to stir him into some faint awareness. Simon was kneeling in front of him, eyes wide with fear as he gestured at the people around him. They descended upon him, quiet and gentle as they hauled him to his feet, and as he was half dragged, half helped back to town, all Celann really noticed was that it was morning. The sky was a pale, misty yellow–sunrise. Morning. The night was over. The night was over but he would live with what happened in the dark forever.
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He had nightmares every time he managed to fall asleep, shepherded into the temple to be healed and watched over. Breathing was difficult and he assumed he was dying; he was only a little concerned at how okay with that he was. A stranger visited him on the third day after the Incident and the priestesses allowed her to feed him something from a vial, some liquid miracle that ended the worst of the night terrors and let him breathe easy.
There had been a newly made vampire den nearby, she explained when he woke again, and Jehanne had likely been taken the day she stepped out onto the road. Her voice was factual as she informed the temple they'd all been taken care of, but there was sympathy on her face as she looked down at the shadows under his half vacant eyes. She hunted vampires–and other deadra–she'd said as she left; there was something he didn't like in her tone, something knowing, as she closed the door behind her and told him she'd be staying in town for a month or two.
He was sent back home later that afternoon, back to he and Charlotte's house, but everything felt… strange. He felt like he was intruding on his own space, in his own house, in his own bed. Lotte was being patient, but the pain in her eyes when she looked at him sent a spike through his heart. Blood. Breaking bones. He supposed he deserved it after what he'd done, though even he could tell she very genuinely didn't think less of him for it. But she handled him gently and he missed her smiles, missed making her laugh. That solemn look didn't belong in her eyes.
His parents visited twice, to make sure he was healing alright, but there was a distance between them that had never been there. They'd raised Jehanne for 26 years, their daughter, you killed our daughter, what kind of man kills his own sister? It was never said, of course, but he could see it in the tension on their faces and the stiff way they held themselves near him.
They declined both times to stay for dinner.
Celann couldn't move on. His family thought he was a murderer, his fiancee was no longer living with the man she'd gotten engaged to. Something in bim broke when he thought about it, that they were supposed to be married in a few months. He'd been over the moon about it, wouldn't stop talking about it to anyone who listened, even if they weren't really, but the hush that had fallen over the house as Charlotte gave him the space he'd started needing felt like an ill omen.
Two months passed of feeling like an outsider in his own life and he was saying goodbye to her. She refused to break off their engagement, said he felt guilty and was being stupid, and as he tried to promise not to darken her door again she told him for better or for worse came before the wedding vows and if he didn't at least write to her on his trip with this mystery woman she'd find him and drag him back home like a runaway boy.
It… hadn't been what he'd planned on. He hadn't planned on returning or writing at all, had planned on removing himself entirely, no longer the man she'd intended to marry and pained at how she was caring for him. He hadn't told her about meeting the woman from the temple, either–but people talked and Lotte was good at listening, and he wasn't as surprised as he could have been. He had mixed feelings about the indefinite engagement, but if it was what she wanted he'd let her have it, like she was letting him leave because he needed to. They looked after each other like that.
Perrette, on her part, when he found her at breakfast, immediately told him through a mouthful of jam and toast where the woman from the temple was before standing and pulling him into a hug. She pressed a small wooden box and a dagger into his hands before wishing him well and telling him to hurry, because the stranger had been packing her things last she saw and getting ready to leave.
It turns out she had left, hours ago, but Celann found her waiting expectantly outside the gate just off the road. She was sitting with her own breakfast with a second placement set up for him, and he once again didn't like the knowing look in her eyes as he sat down. She explained, eventually, that she was with the Vigil of Stendarr, and had been sent with two others to investigate rumors of vampires in the area. Jehanne had been an opportune victim, out alone on the road so early in the morning; the vampire had been trying to start a clan and needed bodies to fill the seats.
He'd almost been one of them. It was a matter of hours, apparently.
Again, she assured him they were all dead and asked if he intended to join her and her companions on the road–if he had seen what chaos and danger creatures like vampires pose and wanted to take up arms against them. He didn't answer, and she didn't demand he give one; they ate together in silence again and she didn't comment on the way he'd glance back at the gate every now and then. The guard on duty would give a little wave each time, a sad look on his face, and so Celann looked less and less until he didn't look again at all. He was leaving, after all; something deep in him was different, had shaken him out of the life he'd had, and he was moving on. There wasn't room for whatever he was in the space he'd made for himself anymore.
A few nights later he would untie the ribbon around that little box Perrette had given him, far away from town, and open it to find a clumsily hand drawn set of cards with little messages penned in her handwriting on the back. He turned the fool around to see a scribbled portrait of himself amongst the scrawled decoration; the back of every queen was a rough sketch of Charlotte. He put them gently back in the box, retied the ribbon, and ignored the look Freyja gave him as he slipped it back into his bag.
He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, again, without a body next to him.
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"For those who cherish memories of loved ones, their compassion often conceals the beast. Our compassion compels us to destroy it."
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acetechne · 2 years ago
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gearing up to start drawing again and i’ve been reflecting on why i draw and why it frustrates me when people say they cant draw or could never draw or whatever and, okay, yes i have spent years doing this for reasons which would involve a whole nother post than what i’m actually thinking about at the moment but i digress
i think people get self conscious of their art because they think if they don’t want to put the time in or get to a certain level that art isn’t worth pursuing at all and today i am breaking down your door and i am sitting down on the floor with you and i am telling you listen: the reason to do art is not to post it and it isn’t to be good at it and it isn’t to draw every leaf on every tree. the reason to do art is because you are a magician and you are putting a little guy there that wasn’t there before. and then later you can open your book of little guys and be like :)
“oh but I couldn’t” shh! SHUT! i am TELLING you RIGHT NOW that if you draw the worst little guy possible and you look at that little guy and you laugh and smile, then that literal 60 seconds it took you to draw that is more worth all of the years that i spent learning to draw because i desperately wanted people to notice and appreciate and be friends with me in school (and yes, occasionally it does happen but mostly in my experience that motivation backfires because half the people just want shit for free but wouldn’t give you the time of day and half the people are too intimidated to even talk to you). maybe it’s because i’m old now but who cares about that shit, you draw because it’s good to create something and look at it and smile because it’s yours and it belongs to you and you did that.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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readymades2002 · 10 months ago
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oh. MY god i hate my job
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 years ago
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Can't sleep. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter then go do an eight hour shift. Nothing could go wrong.
#remembering that stimulants make it hard to sleep#took a Vyvanse at noon#then drank two coffees#hmm i wonder why i cant sleep /s#on the bright side itll be the last shift at my current job#then im moving back to a much chiller job that doesnt make me want to stick my hands in the fryer#thank god. i couldnt take even one more day of this job#this next job is properly staffed which means i can get a lot more days off without it being a problem which is great#i remember there being days when id ask if i could leave early the next day#and theyd just say 'yeah. do you want to come in earlier so you still get hours?' and thatd be that#at this job i can just plug in my earbuds and make my food and im primarily alone and i love it#it makes me go a little crazy. being almost completely alone for 8+ hours a day. but whatevs#oh i used to work at this job and im going back to it. for context#i rarely encounter customers and i am so so so happy about that#a year in fast food reminded me that i hate people#in 1.5 years in this job (the new one) i dealt with like two bad customers#in my fast food job i had at least two bad customers per day#looking at an ideal future id only be there another year#then move in with my gf in a different area. get a better job. have a happier life with her#get a dog. have movie nights. make her dinner. come home and not be stressed so i can enjoy my time with her#help her with her college work. fall asleep with her every night. knit next to her while she plays video games#well this got very gay very quickly#i love her. i love you all. i hope you have the amazing lives you all deserve. i hope you find little things to fall in love with every day#i hope you find good music. i hope you see a cute animal today. and i hope you feel so so loved. youre all so wonderful and dear to me#sleep well and sweet dreams ❤️
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