#my life is SOOOO difficult--

[tangledinink]

did y'all think i'd make @tmntaucompetition propaganda for the gemini that wasn't super extra...?

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[blueskittlesart]

post about how many vocaloid voicebanks i have is circulating so i guess i have to start actually using them again. this one uses gumi kaito and technically miku but just as a clone of the gumi track for more dimension bc gumi sounds flat as fuck on her own lmao

[sskk-manifesto]

Next time we should just skip over ep 3 and do a chapters 84-87 reread

[subsequentibis]

i walked back from the con today holding stuff in my tv head and could not stop laughing bc i looked like i got fired from the objecthead office and had to clear out my desk

[robinsnest2111]

looking back on old posts i made like... 10 or so years ago, I cringe at my writing... at the time I thought I was so very good at forming English sentences and getting my thoughts and feelings across just like a native speaker would

but nope, all of it looks so obviously written by someone who's first language isn't English and feels so stilted and honestly primary school level to me at this current point in time

anyway.

in 2034 I'll probably look back at what I'm posting right now and feel the same way about it as I do about my posts from 2014 lmao, given tumblr still exists by then lol

[divine-misfortune]

My friend is getting married this year and put my dumb ass in her wedding party and she's reminded me I should probably look for an outfit now, which is fine, the theme is kinda goth so I can work with that easy, but ohhhhh finding outfits that aren't incredibly feminine or boring as fuck is so hard.....

[trans-axolotl]

for about two years now ive struggled with relapses in self harm and have not really known how to deal with my desires for harm, health, and existing thoughts on antipsychiatry. ive been accessing psychiatric resources for well over a decade with a lot of trauma inflicted over that time. ive also dealt with really harsh approaches to reducing self harm that both began the problem in the first place and worsened it.

ive been working with my therapist to stop self harming but, to be honest, i have no desire to stop. i try my best to reduce risk where i can such as not self harming in an emotional state, using clean implements, and keeping it light. previously i didnt care about any of those things and self harm was mainly a dangerous coping mechanism. but now i see it almost as a form of body modification with a lot of intentionality to it.

i really dont know what to think. its objectively dangerous since i am harming myself but i also cant agree with the general aims of therapy and psychiatry to stop self harming as an ultimate goal. i want to be happy and healthy and for me that means living with self harm as a reality of something i will continue to do. and i think its my right as an autonomous person to choose what i do with my body, even if its harmful. yet i can feel the claws of psychiatry and feel so much shame and hatred towards the fact i cant stop. or more significantly, that i dont want to.

sorry for such a long ask, but essentially what im getting at is, how does one handle harm reduction when there is no desire to ever fully stop? i believe in my own right to bodily autonomy but ive also been told repeatedly that using my bodily autonomy to harm myself makes me undeserving of it and instead in need of carceral punishment. how do i even begin to navigate those contradictions of feeling like ive been horribly hurt and dehumanized and feeling like on some level ive deserved that dehumanization because of the pain i inflict? is self harm as body modification even a concept or idea that people have discussed? since i mainly just see it discussed as a coping mechanism.

content note: continued discussion of self harm and self harm methods.

Hi, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out.

I really resonated with so much of what you shared. It's really hard to try to navigate all our feelings associated with self harm when we are constantly hearing from society that our self harm makes us dangerous or unworthy or unable to live outside of institutions. For me, it honestly feels really violating when other people like providers try to push their narrative of what self harm means onto me. My relationship with my self harm is so personal and there's a lot of different meaning I attach to it, and I want the room to be able to talk about it in a way that actually makes sense to me.

Something that's helped me in trying to navigate all of this for myself is really just to come back to these values of bodily autonomy and harm reduction. A really important harm reduction value for me is that it is completely okay if people don't ever stop (whether we're talking about drugs, self harm, disorderly eating, etc). It's important to me that we can defend people's right to do all these things and recognize that harm reduction should not be just another method of coercion trying to convince people to stop. I strongly believe that people can have meaningful and valuable lives that also include self harm as a part of our lives. I want to build a world where we can say that we're not interested in completely stopping self harm and that statement is not reacted to with shame or blame, but rather with curiosity and respect for the fact that we are the experts on our own lives and choices. Part of encouraging autonomy is recognizing that we are allowed to make choices about our lives that might not be what the psych system wants us to make.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I think it's okay if you're not interested in ever stopping self harming, and I know a lot of people who also feel similarly to you. You absolutely have the right to interpret your self harm in a way that makes sense for you. I've definitely heard other people talk about self harm as body modification (I think some of the harm reduction zines in this google drive might talk about it, but I haven't read through them in a while. Continued content note for discussion of self harm, self harm methods, and diagrams of anatomy and self harm). It makes a lot of sense why you might connect self harm and body modification, and that's something that would resonate with a lot of other people. You have the right to build a life that includes self harm as a part of it, and find a way to do it that makes sense for your body and life.

That feeling of dehumanization you described is so so real. I really just feel a lot of rage towards a psychiatric system that makes us feel so hurt and conflicted. Untangling that learned shame and hatred towards ourselves is so fucking hard, but just know that you are not alone in that and that we have the right to reject the ways the psych system punishes us.

And I want to be clear that none of this is to downplay the very real harm, pain, or risk that can come with self harm, but rather to point out that abstinence only methods, shame, and carceral psychiatry did not do anything to support me with that. Instead, it left me feeling trapped and like it was worthless to even try to figure out what I needed in really difficult moments. So I also really just want to acknowledge and celebrate all the stuff you listed in your ask--using clean implements, not self harming in an emotional state, and keeping it light. I'm really glad that you've found some steps to take that make self harm more manageable for you. Those are not lesser steps or a waste of your time just because you are not interested in stopping self harm, and those things are such a great example of how harm reduction doesn't require you to stop self harming in order to make some changes that reduce risk.

Just sending a lot of love and solidarity to you, anon, from another person who is not interested in completely stopping self harm, even as my relationship to my self harm shifts and changes over the years. There are a lot of us out here and we deserve to have the space to openly talk about these things without facing judgement.

💜💜💜💜

[ikishima]

.

[akabloom]

exorcist time >:]]

In this au, the natori clan is the most powerful clan at the time and Shuuichi is the revered (by some) clan head while the matoba clan is suffering and dying out.

Seiji’s older sister is still with the clan and is the current head.

[moe-broey]

DEVASTATING. Local guy had suuuuuuuuuuuuch a STRONG VISION for a comic that is admittedly a jokey post but I am playing it straight and putting SO MUCH. INTO IT. But Now It's Gone.

[milesgmorales]

making gifs requires soooooo muuuuuuuch effooooort why do i do this

[grymmdark]

living with someone who has never learned to be a responsible mature person is so frustrating

[bangcakes]

.

[ningningkittie]

🐕🧸🪟🕯️

[ihearnocomplaints]

I have been listening to This Song on repeat today.

I honestly can’t tell if the DCA would play this for someone or if someone would play it for the DCA but it just really makes me think of them.

In my feels today, boys (gender neutral)