#my high school literature teacher was in it

[tumbleaboutit]

I wouldn't say that older literature needs "translations" per se (unless it was literally written in another language, obviously), but it does need contextualization. I've enjoyed reading people discussing Jane Austen's books vis-a-vis the context of the time way more than I enjoyed actually reading them back in school.

In high school, I was part of a Fancy Program for Highly Motivated Smart Kids for my English and History classes, and those teachers always emphasized the context of the stories as part of the lessons. When we read Sect of the Phoenix by Jorge Luis Borges, our teacher broke it down for us about how the entire thing was a series of sex jokes that would be obvious to any Argentinian of the time, but was completely opaque to USAmericans reading it in English 50-odd years later. And it was great! We loved it! We were making reference to those lines until the end of the year, because there is nothing teenagers like more than sex jokes!

Also, I am deeply supportive of finding a way to make math more fun to learn, because I know way too many people who have math anxiety and that is not good given how important math is.

Novosad is an econ professor at Dartmouth btw

[godl3ssingodscountry444]

Pre-perverts post, I'm so stoked and I was talking to my old literature teacher about what we think the album's gonna be like. I love this photo of Hayden, maybe because I like red, maybe because I to love stuffed soft toys. Also I think I'll post my essay about Preacher's Daughter sometime between april-june. I wrote if for the extended essay for the ib (a special high school diploma. basically) so I don't know that I want it floating on the internet before I get my scores back. Maybe I'm being stupid but I don't want to not get my ib diploma for something like that especially bc I'm trying to study abroad from my country of residency rn. If anyone's curious my research question was "How does Hayden Anhedönia demonstrate the character’s, Ethel Cain, experiences with the cycle of abuse through literary and musical elements in her album "Preacher's Daughter"?" so idk think about that if you want. Much love Xxx

[gojoest]

morning dash, i had a very weird fairy tale gone wrong kind of dream

[dropletsofraine]

So Jay’s yellow lightning

So I said if my last post got to 60 notes I’d actually make a post on this and a certain mutual decided to be funny. Now here I am so allow me to share my thoughts on the change of color in Jay’s lighting because BOY do I have ideas. I’d also like to state this does have spoilers for part two of season two for Dragons Rising so if you haven’t seen it, LOOK AWAY!

so as we’ve seen, Jay’s lightning changes to a yellow rather than the blue is always has been. We really get to see this in one of the newest episode of Dragons Rising during Inside the Maze. So why would his lightning change like this?? And why am I over analyzing the color of a lego’s powers?? Because I think that this color change really does have a sort of significance.

Sure you COULD argue and say that the change in color was just a stylist choice to better fit with Dragons Rising animation but I don’t think that’s all it is. If you look at this image of Jay during the flash back with him and Cole fighting over the remote, his lightning is still blue. The lightning does not flicker between blue and yellow like it has been shown during the present setting of Dragons Rising, so it doesn’t seem to just be a stylistic choice.

Now onto Agent Walker. We get a brief scene of Jay as Agent Walker during part 1 of season 2 where his powers are shown. When we do see his lightning here, we see bits of yellow in it. Remember this is now the current timeline of Dragons Rising, so there’s clearly been some sort of change between that flash back, and the merge. But even here when the yellow does first show up his lightning isn’t completely yellow, it still has more blue than yellow to it. This is before he had been ‘saved’ by Ras, when he was still apart of the Administration. Or rather before he had shattered his goodness.

Into the Maze. What an episode. We FINALLY get to see Jay use his powers in battle here. When he does make his appearance in front of the ninja, we see him show off his lightning. NOW it is more yellow than blue, and at this point Jay has not exactly shattered his goodness yet however he’s very close to that point, as when he does put the mask on and Arin exclaim he’s going to shatter his goodness, we hear Lloyd say “I’m afraid he already has.” Hm. Kind of a strange thing to say, even if he WASN’T fighting Nya at this moment, it’s still strange to hear Lloyd so quickly assume Jay has lost himself. So, Lloyd himself must have sensed or seen some sort of change indicating that Jay is different. Now onto his fight with Nya, we see him use his powers to his full extent. His lightning is almost completely yellow at this point with only small bits of blue here and there.

The wolf mask. At this point, Jay has now used the wolf mask and shatterspin, he has shattered his goodness. From this point on, his lightning is almost completely yellow as he battles with Nya. Once he loses the fight and has his powers taken, it is shown as completely yellow when Roby takes it into the Elemental Cup. Even when Nya has Jay’s powers, they are still shown as yellow however as she shoots it up into the air, it does appear to be a bit more blue once again. And how does his lighting being yellow tie into Jay’s lost goodness?

Yellow. This color can have many many different meanings and different symbolism. However, yellow has had a HISTORY of being associated with betrayal. In history with the Spanish Inquisition, in religious history, yellow has always been connected to betrayal. People seen as traitors were tied to the color yellow. What else can yellow also tie to? Warnings and danger. The gradual change of Jay’s lighting becoming more and more yellow, Jay is coming closer and closer to losing himself. Yellow is a perfect color to use for Jay in his current state in Ninjago. It’s a bright color that grabs attention, bur can be almost overwhelming or even abrasive at times.

On a final note about his change from blue to yellow, let’s focus in on not the gain of yellow, but the loss of blue in his lighting. I’ve talked about the different meaning of yellow and how this can tie into Jay slowly becoming disconnected from himself and who he once was, but what about the blue in his powers? What can that signify?

Blue is a color commonly associated with memory, as it is a color the brain most easily and frequently remembers, such as notes written in blue pen may be easier to remember than notes written in black. What else has blue been known to represent? Tranquility, stability, and loyalty. All attributes Jay has lost as his lightning slowly changes. Even as Agent Walker, with his lightning being mostly blue still we see him still have hints of himself in there. However during Inside the Maze, he’s a completely different person. Ras’s influence is a lot scarier than you’d think, and just by looking at Jay we can see, that this is no longer the Jay Walker everyone knows. He’s lost himself and who knows when we’ll get him back.

IN CONCLUSION-

I am mentally unwell, and probably had no reason to type out this entire analysis over the color of lighting that Jay has. But here I am and maybe you guys wanna read this for whatever reason idk. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I’m going to go pass out now.

[radiocmyk]

This thing I was reading to try and remind myself what I read in middle/high school is only reminding me what I didn't because it's just going "Oh you read Slaughterhouse-Five? You read Brave New World right? Remember reading The Hobbit in English class? We all read Night. We all remember reading the Odyssey and 1984 and Edgar Allan Poe." NO? NO? NO? NO? I feel unbelievably cheated. We read Stargirl.

[polarisbibliotheque]

Survivor's Blood (Leon x Reader) - Chapter 7

Survivor’s Blood

Pairing: Leon x Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 (you are here!)

Summary: After Raccoon City, Leon became the only Government agent with that kind of expertise. With relentless training, he was now a Special Agent - again, on his first day in the job. He just didn’t expect to live Raccoon City all over again… Maybe Leon was fated to always have the worst first-days-at-work ever.

Age Restriction: 18+. It’s horror, so expect a lot of graphic violence and blood dripping from this. I mean, VERY GRAPHICAL VIOLENCE. Nothing we haven’t seen on RE, but still. Yee been warned

TRIGGER WARNING: This whole fanfic is a trigger warning really

Author's Notes: Heeeeey, I know this is exactly what no one wanted, but it's what I've got. It's been sitting in my files for a while 'cause I wanted to have a couple of new chapters ready to post, but oh well. Blame this update on my mom - who got me explaining the whole history of Resident Evil and why it's so important to gaming along with its lore and she was "wow, that's basically the 2020 pandemic" and I was "exactly, now you get it". And she also kinda loves Chris for becoming boulder-punching-Chris and just suplexing Wesker out of existence. He's 10/10 her fave RE character so far.

Chapter 7

New Setosa State School, April 29th, 2001 – 22h31

“You’re late, Kennedy.”

It was the first time you were meeting the other Agents in charge of rescuing the residents of New Setosa.

It was quite a walk from the hospital to the school, but something kept everyone moving. Maybe it was all the undead in the way, making everyone keep a steady pace and a quiet step. Maybe it was Leon checking his watch almost every two minutes. Or maybe, it was the adrenaline running in your bodies, screaming inside every soul that they had to do their best to survive.

You didn’t hear a single thing on your way there. The houses, apartments, offices, stores… All quiet – except for the creatures groaning every now and then, noticing your group and trying to follow; too slow to be any kind of threat.

There was only one incident – and an incident that was expected by all of you, if you had to be honest to yourselves. In times of survival, the best side of humanity did show… But so did the worst.

You were quickly, and quietly, walking in the middle of the street – as per Leon orders: sidewalks were too close to establishments that could harbor undead creatures, silently waiting for a surprise attack. You still had the lead and he still preferred to remain on the back, since his odds of survival if he was grabbed by behind were a lot bigger than anyone else in the group.

The elderly lady was doing very well – being helped by Valerie, she could walk fast enough to keep up the pace – but the kid with the father were having a little trouble. The boy seemed to be weak, almost too tired to keep going, but his father was almost carrying him – and would carry his son if he needed to. The lab coat man kept fidgeting, sighing audibly every time you gave the group a couple of seconds to breathe – making him receive stern looks from Leon, who was more of a bleeding heart than you were.

It all happened too quick. The lab coat man, for some reason, insisted on being around the father and son and very close to you. There were a few cars up ahead, but neither of you thought it would be trouble: most cars were destroyed and their owners dead inside of them or roaming outside, undead.

You had no idea where the creature came from: in a split second, what once was a police officer jumped on the lab coat man, fiercely trying to bite his face off.

“Stay back!” You screamed to the other survivors, grabbing one of the creature’s arms and trying to fight it. Those things were strong – and, in all honesty, lab coat man wasn’t the best suited to fight one of them.

Valerie held the elderly woman and signaled the father and the kid to join them. Leon immediately ran towards all of you – but as soon as you managed to take a little weight off the lab coat man, he had the strength to handle the creature by himself.

“Take the ones who are already dying, you fucking shit!” The man threw the undead right into the teen, who was too weak to fight for himself. You gasped, trying to hold it back – but it seemed to slip right between your fingers.

Before the creature could bite the kid into pieces, Leon came through like a bulldozer – punching it right on the face, making it groan and stumble behind, as the teen fell on the floor and tried to crawl back to his father. The man immediately grabbed his son, protecting him with his own body, as Leon took a hunting knife from his holster and buried it under the creature’s chin – impaling its head, making it finally stop.

But the danger wasn’t over: another creature crept to the lab coat man, grabbing his foot and using him as a ladder to stand up and eat him alive.

“You… Damn! Leave me alone! Eat them!” The man struggled a little but was able to throw the creature in your direction – his intention of being around you and the invalid teen quite clear: if anything happened, he would rather have you dead than him.

The creature didn’t have time to reach you, because Leon’s kick on its chest reached it first. With a couple of dodges and some expertly placed knife attacks, he finally placed the killing blow by nailing the knife on its temples, right through its brain.

You couldn’t help but to stare wide eyed as Leon discarded the undead on the floor – who was once a living, breathing person, like you and him – and furiously walked towards the lab coat man. Gripping him by the sweaty shirt, Leon stamped the guy on the side of a destroyed, burning car – which was definitely too hot to the touch, and you could see it on the guy’s face as he winced the more Leon pushed him into the hot metal. Still holding the man’s shirt, Leon had his forearm across his chest, knife on standby in his other hand.

You definitely did not expect that from Leon… But it was a welcome thing, given the circumstances.

“What you think you’re doing, huh? You think you’re better than any of them? That your life is worth more?” Leon’s voice was low and his eyes were filled with something you still hadn’t seen that night – perhaps, that was the man who survived Raccoon City. Who became a Special Agent. “I don’t give a fuck how important you think you are or what your name is. We’re in this shit together, and we only gettin’ out if everyone sticks together. Everyone.” With those words, Leon made the man look right into his eyes – even if the guy couldn’t hold the stare longer than a couple of seconds. “Pieces of shit like you are always the first ones to go. I’m gonna make my best to make sure your sorry ass gets out of here, but if you keep acting like this, something is gonna make sure you won’t. I fucking seen that before.”

You kept quiet, side eyeing Leon as soon as he let the guy go and looked back at you – suddenly, his stare softened again and he sighed, rolling his eyes as if saying it was part of the job.

“Oh, I’m glad you put him in his place. Someone had to do that already.” You murmured back to him, making Leon scoff a slight, humorless laugh.

“You kinda already did back in the hospital.” Placing his knife back in the holster, Leon looked back at you. “If you need anything, call. I’ll be…”

“In the back, I know. Don’t worry.” You winked back, slightly waving your gun. “I can take care of things over here.”

That was the only serious incident. After that, father and son walked close behind you, followed by Valerie and the elderly lady and, on the back, the guy in the lab coat moping around, too scared to look back at Leon carrying the shotgun and giving you – and everyone else – cover.

You were late to the rendezvous at the State School… But all things considered, it was quite the miracle everyone got there in one piece.

“I know. But everyone is alive.” Leon marched towards the stern looking man as soon as the group was safe inside the entrance hall of the school. A few other agents holding rifles and wearing Special Ops gear wandered around – as well as some survivors of all ages and backgrounds. “Like I said they would be. No casualties.”

Rogers lifted his heavy eyebrows as he watched you and the group being welcomed by the few police officers who were brave enough to leave the NSPD and account for all the survivors left in the city. The man still had his arms crossed, but he had to recognize: what Leon just did was quite a feat.

“What about the one who helped us with the broadcast? Were you able to find each other?”

“Yeah. Y/n, right over there.” Leon pointed at you – and, as soon as you heard your name and turned around, he signaled you to come over. After exchanging a few words with Valerie, you regrouped with him. “Y/n, this is Commander Rogers, the man in charge of today’s operation.”

“You set up the broadcast and met Leon halfway through this city swarming with those creatures, no gun in hand, right?” The man asked, shaking your hand with a rather strong grip. You reciprocated in the same manner. “You have to be quite the fighter to do that.”

“Well, we do what we need to survive, sir.” You smiled slightly, taking that as a compliment.

“That we do. We’re leaving at 22h40.” And Rogers looked back at Leon, crossing his arms once more. “We’re escorting the people back to the NSPD and we’ll wait for the extraction at midnight.”

“Copy that, sir. I’ll help with the escort.”

You couldn’t help but to let out a sigh of relief – that nightmare would soon be over and you couldn’t wait to be in a safe place again.

*

“Hey, banana ice cream.” You heard Leon’s voice by your side, making you smile a little bit. You were taking some time to breathe by yourself in a corner of the school – still close to the survivors – while he talked with Rogers and the other agents. But, of course, Leon would check on you before you left for the NSPD. “How are you doing?”

“Better than expected, I suppose.” You sighed back, giving him some space to lean on the table you were leaning in. It probably belonged to one of the employees in charge of supervising the kids – a place now quiet and somber, that you had no wish to go any further inside. It was probably filled with corpses. “And you? Everything ok?”

“Guess we gonna ask that forever to each other tonight, huh?” He had to tease you, since that question became a staple between you two. You couldn’t hold back a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve had worse.”

“Hmmm, I can imagine…” You murmured, having no idea how to bring up what you saw in the hospital – speaking to Valerie, she expressed her concerns about Leon having a panic attack; and even if you hadn’t known him for too long, it was something you could understand – to a certain level. “I’ve seen some pretty bad things, being a war correspondent. I mean, it’s part of the job, seeing the worst mankind has to offer… But I never thought I’d see and live through something like this.”

“Yeah, it’s fairly different from a warzone…” Leon sighed back, crossing his arms. “Both are pretty bad actually.” He risked a look at you – watching how your gaze was lost on one of the windows, looking out in the dead, quiet night. It all seemed so peaceful from that point of view. “Why do you do it?”

“What?” You snapped out of your thoughts, turning your eyes back to Leon.

“Bein’ a reporter at war. Why do you do it?” He patiently repeated the question – talking to you was the most calming thing he had that night. And, if he had you to talk to in Raccoon City, it would’ve probably been a little less harrowing of an experience. A little. “You voluntarily go to places where there’s nothing but butchering and blood. You could be doin’ anything else but this, you’re smart enough. So why this?”

“Why do you do what you do?”

That question made Leon furrow his eyebrows immediately, turning quiet for a moment.

“It’s not like I had much of a choice after Raccoon.” He answered quietly, still with that look of concern in his eyes. “I was recruited to be a Special Agent. You can’t turn down something like that.”

It was your turn to become silent. You always thought everyone who followed careers like his did it voluntarily, but there was Leon saying he didn’t have much of a choice. Be it because of his trauma, of his own will or being forced by the government to say yes because he knew too much about the Umbrella incident, you believed in his words.

“Would you have done something too different if you had had a choice?”

Once again, Leon looked back at you with that concern in his eyes. It was probably a question he never really got asked before – and probably never thought of; or avoided thinking of. But now, he had no escape and had to think about it.

“I dunno… Probably would still be a cop.” Leon turned his eyes to his feet, letting out a deep sigh. “Always wanted to help people. Ended up having to save my own skin right at the first day at work… And now, back at Raccoon again, first day as a Special Agent.”

“This is your first day on the job…?” You couldn’t believe his words, but the way Leon smiled and nodded made you trust in what he was saying. “That… Sucks. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m definitely not the guy you wanna have around on your first day at work.”

“It’s bound to be terrific if you’re around.” You teased him a little bit, alleviating some of the tension with a few laughs from both of you.

“But hey, I answered you and you didn’t answer me.” Leon nudged you with his elbow, still having his arms crossed, leaning on the table by your side while you two watched the concentration of agents, policemen and survivors. “You chose a different career, and ended up reporting directly from hell. Out of everything you could choose, why this?”

“Yeah, I know it sucks in theory… And in real life too, it’s not an easy thing and you lose a lot of faith in humanity…” You sighed, now crossing your arms and turning your gaze to an empty spot on the floor. “But… I guess… Not having the option of knowing the truth is worse than having it available. You can choose to remain oblivious and ignore the truth, but it’s still there, being reported to you – you have access to it, you can search for it and learn if you want to. You have the choice. And for you to have the choice, someone has to report it.” You shrugged after a while, sighing once again. It wasn’t much of a reason why, but it was the best you could say at the moment. “I guess, that’s why. Someone’s gotta do it.”

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“Oh, I’m terrified.” You looked back into his eyes, finding his expression of concern – a different kind now; the one Leon wore when he was worried about others. “First time I heard a gunshot close to me, my heart almost jumped out of my mouth. First time I saw a dead mangled body, I couldn’t sleep for weeks. But… You kinda get used to it. A lot of people get desensitized, and I’m probably going down that path too, but… I don’t know. It gets… Less worse with time, I guess.”

“Huh, less worse… I think I get what you mean…” Leon murmured back, now staring at the pattern on the floor as well. Both of you had your gazes lost in something else, while seeing vivid images from your memories. He could remember all the bodies he saw in Raccoon City, all the mutated experiments, all the dismembered people. Destruction everywhere, pieces of bodies everywhere, the streets reeking of blood and closed spaces smelling of entombed death. He had never seen things like that before – Leon was just a rookie cop, on his first job, thinking he would protect and serve; thrown into a warzone, with so much death, so much blood… He dreamt every night his whole body was drenched in it and he could never wash it off. “It becomes routine.”

“Yeah. Something like that…” You murmured back, shaking your head right after. “But I’ve never seen something like tonight. What scares me today is the lack of agency… These townspeople turn into animals, acting like animals, not out of free will – like people during war – but out of… Something that is turning them into these…”

Your words got caught at the tip of your tongue. You had already said that a thousand times that night, but for the first time you were having a level-headed conversation that didn’t involve fighting for survival. The words of your previous boss got in your head, chastising you for your choice of words, and, for a moment, you hesitated.

“C’mon, you can say it. Zombies.”

You and Leon shared a knowing look and couldn’t stop a quiet laugh between you both.

“Zombies.” You agreed right after, nodding slowly. “In a war, you see inhumane acts of cruelty, but you know you could never do that. You know you have morals and the people doing that have none. You know you could never get that low and must report their crimes. But today…?” You shook your head, as if to try to keep a thought away. “If one of those things get to me, I’ll turn into one of them. My mind will die, but my body will keep going, hunting like an animal, to kill and spread whatever the fuck this is. No agency. I’m no better, because my will doesn’t count. It’s not a choice. There’s no reasoning. If they bite me, if they kill me, I’m gone… And I’m one of them.”

“That’s not gonna happen.” Leon almost spoke above your last words, barely allowing you to finish – even so, you had to glance at him with a realistic look in your eyes. Few people had survived that night and, so far, you were lucky. But there was the possibility of your luck ending. You had just as much of a chance of dying to one of those things than anyone else in that room. “Hey. That’s not gonna happen. I’m gonna get you out of here. I promised you an ice cream, didn’t I?”

“That you did. You better keep that promise.” You bantered playfully in return, having a slight smile on your face. Even if Leon was saying that just for saying, you had to admit: it was efficient at calming you down and making you at least a little bit more positive about that night’s outcome. “For me and for you.”

Leon furrowed his brows for a moment, staring at you as if asking for an explanation.

“I don’t wanna leave this place alone. You’re my partner now, right…?” You risked a look at him, seeing how Leon already had a slight smile on his ever so serious lips, ready to quip back; but you had some more things to talk about. “At the hospital… I thought I lost you there for a moment.”

Leon’s eyes immediately turned somber, understanding what you were talking about. If he was going to be honest to himself, he thought he lost himself for a moment too. And that was definitely not good, given his current occupation and situation. It was his first mission after his unforgiving training… And after Raccoon City. No one ever expected the mission would be so similar to what happened to him years prior – and no one could know what kind of reaction Leon would have by being thrown in that sort of mess all over again.

With his training, he learned the best thing he could do was to keep going without thinking too much – but he never really learned what to do if his thoughts assaulted him forcefully, like it happened at the hospital.

“I’m just… Worried.” You tried, wanting to make sure he didn’t understand your words as you seeing him as a hinderance. That was the last thing that crossed your mind. “I’ve been through some pretty bad things too, you know…? And I’ve had some colleagues freeze mid-job because of… Unresolved issues.” You paused for some seconds, almost hearing the gears turning inside Leon’s head. “I… I don’t want that to happen to you.”

“What did you do…?” Leon’s question caught you off guard, making you stare at him with the same inquisitive eyes he turned at you before. “What did you do? To your colleagues who froze mid-job…?”

You flashed him a half-smile on your lips, immediately picking up the undertone in his voice – he wanted to know not only out of curiosity, but to understand where you stood in that matter. You could bet with almost entire certainty that Leon buried things inside himself because he didn’t want to look weak or to be a burden to people: his job was to be the hero, not to be the one cared about. What kind of hero needs support? What kind of hero had weaknesses?

You could almost hear his superiors saying he “couldn’t be a pussy” to survive his Special Agent training – and any kind of weakness, be it from feelings or trauma, would definitely be seen as “being a pussy”. You had seen that before.

“I carried them out of harm’s way and dragged them to our base. I’d never leave them behind.” You still had that smile on your lips, but your tone was soft and reassuring. Something in the way you spoke, made Leon’s shoulders lose a little tension and the expression in his face soften. “We’re human. Everyone breaks, one way or another. We just need people around us to lean on when our knees falter. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Nothing wrong with that…” Leon murmured more to himself than anything else, turning his gaze back to the spot on the floor you were once staring. He had many things to think about – but that was not the time nor the place to do so. “Did it ever happen to you?”

“Yeah, couple of times. Panic attacks suck.” You sighed, turning your gaze outside. It wasn’t something you were too comfortable talking about, but it was the very first time Leon heard it from someone else – and could share it. He needed it, and you wouldn’t deny that kind of help. You once stood in his shoes as well. “There are a few situations that trigger me still, though I kinda have it under control most of the time. It’s always good to have someone else around to help. If I don’t, though, I can only swallow it up and keep going – only to let all that tension go a few days later when I’m safe. Guess it happens to everyone with our kind of… Situation.”

“Huh. Guess so…” He nodded slowly, still going over your words. “I…” And Leon turned silent for a moment. You wouldn’t force him to say anything: if he wanted to stop talking, you would stay there in silence. He had to go at his own pace – but he had to move somewhere, or he would forever be stuck with that inside of him. “I still think about Raccoon sometimes. I still see some things… Some people… The blood. It’s still there, somewhere.” The way he spoke, it was as if Raccoon City was still alive. “It’s all happening. I don’t… Want to think about it. I don’t. But sometimes… It comes back. Even if I don’t want to.”

“Like a drop kick to your chest…?” You tried and he immediately turned his eyes towards you, but this time sporting a knowing smile on his lips. For the very first time, Leon was talking with someone who understood, even if you weren’t there in Raccoon City that night. He thought he would never meet someone who hadn’t lived through it who would understand. “And then you can’t breathe properly…”

“Your hands start shaking and you feel like you’re going to throw up.” He completed your thoughts, with you nodding enthusiastically in return. Something else stirred in his chest, though, something different. Like the joy of finally being seen by someone you admire in a crowd full of indifferent people – of not having to pretend all the time. “It fucking sucks.”

“Oh, it does. Been there.” As you agreed, you both let out quick laughs of complicity. You were also never so open about that before – but for the first time, sharing your experience might have a good outcome; and you were glad you took that leap of faith, with Leon there to catch you and not allow you to fall on the fields of self-consciousness from oversharing. “But we don’t have to go through that alone tonight.”

“Hmmm. Guess we don’t…” Leon shook his head, allowing himself to take a deep breath. For the first time in years, he had this weird – and alleviating – sensation that a weight had lifted from his shoulders. His grayish sea eyes turned back to you, now a little less worried than before. “Partner.”

“I’m gonna tell the President that’s my role now, he better accept me on the ranks.” Your serious answer made him immediately laugh – probably the first genuine laugh you ever heard from him. “Codename banana ice cream reporting for duty to work with codename choco chip, that’s how it’s gonna be.”

“Oh, he’s gonna accept it in no time.” Leon bantered back, enjoying how absurd it all sounded. A few jokes were always good to lift the spirits – but he wouldn’t lie: having you around would be a welcome thing, if that ever happened. Maybe you’d get recruited just like he was, after you escaped New Setosa. “But hey, at the hospital… You had something goin’ on your mind too, when we were leavin’. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You don’t need to go bananas on your own.”

“Oh, that was horrible…” You shook your head after hearing his dad joke, but the smile on your lips gave away it was exactly the kind of humor you needed that day. Leon smiled back a little bit, but still carried worry in his eyes. “Yeah, well… You shared your worries with me, it’s only fair that I do the same, right…?”

“Right.” Given how tentatively your question was, Leon immediately answered you in the firmest manner he could. He wouldn’t let you run away.

“Hmmm… Maybe you can help me out a bit with this…” You sighed, looking down at your feet. For some reason, you couldn’t stand looking into his eyes when thinking about the things that crossed your mind at the hospital – like you said before, in times of war, you knew your morals wouldn’t allow you to commit atrocities. But you were living times of survival – and, sometimes, morals had to be abandoned in order to save yourself. You hated that. “That hospital is really big. It’s for the whole city and it’s very well equipped. A lot of people stay there for days, weeks, or even months…” You took a deep breath, closing your eyes. “I doubt there are only a handful of survivors in that place. If we went in deeper, I bet we would find so many others… So many people that survived so far only to be entombed in that place of death and sickness to slowly perish. It’s horrible. I…” You opened your eyes again, finally looking back at him – with a contrary resolve of someone who has been told by a higher power they cannot do the right thing. “I wanted to go in, to help them. We were there, we were so close. As far as we know, we could’ve passed by so many people and not even realize it. I didn’t want to leave them behind, but… If we didn’t, we wouldn’t have saved the ones who are here with us now, right…? I don’t know, I…”

But you sighed again, looking back at the lost spot on the floor, shaking your head. You had already said a lot and there was nothing you could string coherently into words anymore – there were only a storm of feelings stirring in your heart and that you couldn’t give him. You could only try to explain.

Leon also lowered his head. He knew exactly what you were talking about. You two cared – and, during his training as a Special Agent, he would be scolded exactly because he “cared too much”. To someone in his line of work, caring too much was a weakness: you had to do what you were ordered to do – and what you could do. And that meant, sometimes, working out the odds and literally choosing who would live and who would die. Leon despised that, which made Rogers have a few doubts in his heart about the rookie: in Leon’s book, everyone survived. No sacrifices. No choices.

“You want to save everyone.” He finally finished your thought for you, saying the words you thought you would be too ridiculous when saying out loud. A ‘hero complex’ as most people would say – but he preferred to think of it as a survivor thing. “You have the chance to save yourself, you have the resources, you have the strength and the will. Why can’t you extend that to the people who need it? Sometimes, all they need is a helping hand to save their asses too.” He looked back at you and you could see not only his characteristic bleeding compassion, but also a tad of… Emptiness. “You can help. So why wouldn’t you? Who are you to choose who lives and who dies? Who are you to choose who deserves it or not…?”

You nodded in agreement while your heart lost weight inside your chest. People always used to say that was one of your weaknesses, how much you cared. But seeing Leon that night, watching him work and help so many people… You could barely call it a weakness.

“I had many times in my life that I only needed someone to give me a helping hand.” You shook your head, but agreed with every word he said. Maybe, that’s how he felt when you understood his problem – and now, it was your turn to be seen. “And I know how it feels like when no one helps. How harrowing. How desolating. It makes you want to give up everything – and I bet there are many people in that hospital thinking the same thing. I…” And you sighed, crossing your arms. “I don’t want to be indifferent. I don’t want to make that choice. The choice to close my eyes and ignore everyone else suffering around me just because I’m safe and comfortable. I want to go there where they are and bring them to safety with me… That’s what they deserve. That’s what everyone deserves.”

“Hmmm… I know the feeling…” Leon’s answer was a murmur, but it wasn’t a lie. He knew exactly how it felt – how disgusting it was to only save his own skin when he could try to save someone else too. He wasn’t better than anyone else – and, apparently, that was the same thought that haunted you when you were leaving the hospital that night. “It’s something you gotta learn to deal with… The guilt, it’ll always be there. At some point, the screams will turn quieter and stop, even if your heart feels heavy. And that’s why we have to know what we can do, what’s within our reach.” Leon looked at you, making you reciprocate his stare. Even if his eyes could be cold and empty, at that moment, they had his quiet empathy as well. “You said it yourself. We’re human. There’s only so much we can do. We have to understand those limitations and make sure we did the very best with all we had at the moment. That’s how I learned to deal with it.”

“Hmmm…” You ruminated those words for a couple of seconds, barely noticing a commotion forming in front of you. A new, very small, group of survivors had just arrived – and a man tried to talk with as many policemen and agents as possible, trying to find the one in charge. “Guess we are doomed to be haunted by our humanity, you and me…”

“Hmmm. You can put it that way too.” Leon considered, crossing his arms, but looking less pensive than you. “It’s a lot more poetic.”

“I do have a weak spot for poetry.” You answered in a matter-of-fact tone, after a sigh. Thinking too much about everything he said at that very moment wouldn’t be the best of things – you had too much to do and too much to survive. You needed to focus on that – you could spend time with philosophy later, in a chopper back to safety. “Oh, salty sea, so much of whose salt is Portugal tears!”**

Leon furrowed his brows, but had a slight smile on his lips. He had never heard that before – not that he was well versed in poems, but that one was completely unknown to him – and he would have asked you to go on your declamation, but the commotion was now fully formed. The man spoke loudly, being held by a couple of agents, trying to speak to anyone who would listen.

“You are going to get them all killed! Killed!” His words would’ve been considered furious if his eyes didn’t carry so much desperation. “Their blood will be in your hands! You have to do something!”

You and Leon glanced at each other, finally leaving your small pause. It was a miracle, even, that you had so much time to rest and talk – and a much needed one, if any of you had to say so. Now, it was time to go back to work.

“Sir… Please, sir. Calm down.” As Leon approached, he tried to get the man to stop fighting with the agents. They glanced at Leon as he quickly nodded. “I’ll talk to him. You can let him go.”

“What happened, sir?” You mirrored Leon’s way of speaking: it was probably the best way to get the man to stop fighting and talk to you. “You can explain to us.”

“Well, that’s already a lot better than those brutes! There’s no reasoning with the likes of you!” He pointed at Leon, fixing the pair of glasses on his face and trying to comb his hair back with his fingers.

“He’s… Different.” You only realized you were saying something mid-answer, to which you made yourself stop as soon as you noticed you’d have to say something about Leon. The man in question only looked back at you with a question in his eyes – which you decided to ignore. “He’s not a brute. Well, not only.” And it started going downhill quickly, with Leon crossing his arms and just watching it all unfold in front of him. You had better stop before you said something you would regret later. “He has a good heart. You can talk to us.”

But you couldn’t have stopped, could you? Leon had a shadow of a smile on his lips while you just decided to completely ignore him and pay attention to the man as if it was all on purpose and you weren’t feeling self-conscious for your attempt at calming the man enough so he would talk to both of you – and not just curse Leon and “his type”.

“They won’t listen.” The man huffed, resting his hands on his hips, shaking his head. “I’m a doctor at the hospital, one of the very few who survived. I came here with a couple other ones who managed to barricade inside a room with me until we heard the broadcast on Channel 8.” With those words, you and Leon exchanged a look that could only be defined by pride and excitement. To think your plan worked, that made all the horror you had already lived through that night worth it. “We were deeper into the hospital. That place… It’s…” The man shook his head once more, apparently holding back some tears. He took a deep breath and looked back at you with resolve in his eyes. “As we were trying to leave, we found a body, another doctor… A colleague, a friend… Pediatrician. He was slaughtered on the floor, but he managed to write a message on the wall with his own blood before dying… ‘There are children inside’. Those were the words.”

And those words fell between you like led – being accompanied by dead silence. Neither you nor Leon could say something at that moment: your suspicions were correct, and a lot worse than you had expected. So far, you could see only a few children with their parents – either one or two, but there weren’t many of them. It was very unlikely for a child to survive, but a group of them…? You never saw it coming.

“Did you see them? Where are they?” Leon’s questions came right after the initial shock. The man started shaking his head frantically.

“We tried to get to the pediatric wing, but it’s far into the hospital…” He sighed, fixing the glasses on his face once more. “This doctor, we searched his pockets. He had a note inside, here… Lemme find it…” The man searched all of his own pockets, only to find a note stained in blood and hand it over to you and Leon. “It tells a little more how they were able to save as many children as they could and lock themselves somewhere safe. They won’t be able to leave there on their own. They need help. They need a rescue team.”

Leon had the note in his hands, but you read it together – silently, somberly, hating yourselves for being right about having more survivors in the hospital.

To anyone reading this,

I’m Dr. Howard, from the Pediatric Wing at the Arklay Hill Hospital. With the virus spreading fast, me and Dr. Willows quarantined as many uninfected children as possible in the X-ray room. It has good protection and we grabbed some food and water along the way, before locking the door and barricading it. We have eight children with us – most of them sick or injured – but all of them are free from the virus that has spread through the hospital.

We hoped to be rescued, but so far, no one came. We are suspecting they have considered everyone in the hospital to be dead – but that is far from the truth. We need help – we need to save those children. Upon talking to Dr. Willows, we decided one of us should try to leave and find help.

I volunteered – Dr. Willows has hurt her ankle when we were quickly helping the children we could, so I’m the best choice. I will do my best to find help, to have them rescued. All our efforts won’t be in vain.

But… If I can’t. If I die before I can find someone, I hope this note gets in the hands of someone capable to help. I beg you: these are sweet, scared children, locked in a room with another doctor who is doing everything in her power to keep them alive. We have to help them. They cannot die there, not after… Everything we done. We have to try. I have to try.

Please. They are in the X-ray room, Pediatric Wing, Arklay Hill Hospital. I have attached a hospital map to this note, it’s the place circled in blue. I know it won’t be easy, but please… They are alive. Please, save them.

As a final note: we have been hearing loud steps outside the room. It has been difficult to get the children not to scream, they are very scared, but they learned to control their fear and stay quiet. It isn’t something like the people who die and come back to life affected by the virus – those are slow, usually dragging their feet and body, groaning or screaming like animals – these steps are different. They are heavier, faster, paced… Sentient. I cannot think of someone who would be able to survive and walk around those creatures so peacefully, so I can only think it's one of the… Other atrocities. It’s roaming the deeper areas of the hospital, and it eventually goes back to the Pediatric Wing. Whoever comes to the rescue, be warned. And be careful.

The man looked at you and Leon with expectation – his heavy breath and sweat almost blurring his glasses. As you finished reading the note, your gaze met Leon’s grayish sea eyes.

“We cannot leave them.”

Something inside Leon knew you would say those words – and at the same time he had a surge of pride when seeing your eyes filled with certainty as you spoke, he also had dread stirring in his stomach; for he knew quite well you wouldn’t let him go alone.

“We won’t.”

And you almost smiled back as Leon’s answer had as much conviction to its words as yours.

You both just had to go through Commander Rogers first.

**Portuguese Sea, Fernando Pessoa

[aq2003]

Dropping in to say I watched the 2011 Much Ado About Nothing and I’m a changed person. New piece of favorite media unlocked. I’m gonna be insufferable about it to my friends. I loved the 2019 version clips you posted and I’m definitely going to try and find a full version of that as well. Also want to read Hamlet bc everything I read about it sounds insane. I liked Shakespeare as a kid until high school english made me absolutely hate it, so thanks for helping me get back into it lol.

YESSSSSSSSSSS 2011 MUCH ADO MY BELOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! also you can watch the 2019 version here on archive.org (absolutely fantastic benedick/beatrice and also my favorite rendition of hero!)

[bludpudding]

I’d say the only downside of adapting the sandman universe into live action is the creators having to work around censorship. 24/7 fucked me up the first time around but now that I’ve read the comics that shit’s tame in live action. same with the cereal con

I swear to god every page of the cereal convention I had to sit back and go

[kiisuuumii]

anyone think i'll be able to finish if on a winter's night a traveller by italo calvino before the end of the year

[daz4i]

it's funny how in school i was constantly failing literature and reading comprehension tests and essays but now in 2023 my tumblr niche is known for making long and detailed analysis posts. amazing what just a little bit of autism can change ✨️

[mamaestapa]

I ALREADY HATE ALL OF MY CLASSES SO MUCH

except my writing fiction and poetry class. i’m about to eat that class UP🤭 i knew writing on tumblr would help me somehow for college

[angry-jelly-fish]

Dazai-sensei idea took my mind over and I can't stop thinking about how gorgeous is he

[youregay]

it frustrates me to no end that tumblr has read a cumulative 3 poems if I'm speaking generously. yes the tiger poem is very charming, especially since a 6 year old wrote it, but it is not actually better than a majority of published poetry you just haven't read any poetry

on the other hand, tumblr's collective ability to be overly impressed by works of art I find mundane is a testament to the power of art. if you find yourself profoundly moved by snippets of poetry interspersed between drarry gifs or w/e consider going out of your way to read poetry. I think you're the kind of person who could have really life changing experiences with art in ways the more jaded among us may be missing out on

[transxfiles]

saddest part of college is we have no specific books that we're going through for class, just The Readings. no literature, just snippets from textbooks and papers about how to write. not even a short story in the mix. only The Readings.

[lupinus-bicolor]

spending way too much time around cis people. now ive started misgendering myself in my head

[despairhasitsown-calm]

the eternal cycle of "i'm not saying you shouldn't interact with this media, if anything it's great to analyze its bigotry, but maybe you shouldn't fandomize it and turn literal racist and transphobic chaticatures into #girlbosses and straight up recommend this media 'for the representation', it's very tone deaf" -> "WHAT you're trying to forbid me from ever interacting with this media you're saying im evil and trying to censor me?????" -> "i'm not saying you shouldn't interact with this media, if anything it's great to analyze its bigotry, but maybe-"