#irl quotes

[itaroma42]

AU where Rorschach lives after Karnak.

Laurie [needing flour]: do you have all purpose?

Rorschach: I have no purpose.

Laurie: don't tell me anything else.

[sillyofmine]

[themadlostgirl]

Percy:this shit is bananas Percy: B-A-N-N-A Percy: f*ck, I'm dyslexic

[prince-of-red-lions]

*in band, running through a song*

*mr. H stops us*

mr. H: “hey, where’s my bells? you were doing just fine and then you left. where’d you go?”

guy beside me playing the bell part: “away 😃”

mr. H: “don’t go away come back 🤨”

[rinsskies]

Mother, talking about the link to Barn's & Noble I sent her: What the fu- who's Bill?

Me, laughing: A triangle.

[laemperatrizmariana]

"I'm a crackhead for Starbucks."

A classmate named Nick, explaining his love of Starbucks to us.

[theguyinthemathexamples]

I post on my account atleast every 3 days, but i wanna crank it up a notch

Since I'm currently stuck on a draft and i barely reblog things (bc i have shit memory) i just wanted to know:

[beelzebubsbois]

Me *about a guy on bridgerton*: he looks like Hans

Nicky (My sister): you look like Hans! Wait.. no. You look like Cristoph.

Vinny: Yeah :333

Nicky: You look like Sven.

Vinny: No he doesn't!

Nicky: I wasn't talking about him.

Me: are you implying Cristoph fucks his horse??

Nicky: are you implying he's a horse???

Vinny: yeah! He's a Moose!

Nicky: HES A RAINDEER.

[alexcybs]

Teacher Quotes #1

“To be fair, everything is edible. It’s just whether or not you survive after.” “For future lab lessons, [Name] please stand outside.” (Talking about the same student in the Bio quotes) — Chemistry (My classmate drank a mixture)

“I don’t care what you do, just don’t lick the [animal part].” — Math (Don’t ask)

“If another one of you brats(affectionate) says that [thing] falls at different rates on even though I said it didn’t , I’m going to commit defenestration on myself. And STILL FALL AT THE SAME RATE!” — Physics (We were joking with him, lmao. We’re not that dumb)

“Don’t drink the acid solution, I’ll get fired.” “Are you always like this?” “Please take your hand out of the hydrogen– Please don’t drink the [acid].” “[Name]! What did I just say. Don’t lick the scalpel!” “Chicken is chicken.” “Why are you drinking the forbidden chicken soup.” — Biology (Fun fact : This whole para is said to one student.)

“[Name], what the hell are you doing with the plant!” “Wave, wave. I wave your head away then you know.” “[Name], I know she’s your girlfriend and can’t stop starring at her but sit here now!” — History (She was not, in fact, his girlfriend)

“Stop acting like last years 3-6, you guys know what he did last year.” “Return the plants–” — Social Studies (She was talking about and to our senior in both quotes lmao)

“Here *hands a poem about birds dying* that’s your homework.” — Literature

“Please, stop fondling your friends hand.” “Your hands look like noodles. But uncooked.” — Theatre Coach

“[Name], you got to be more fierce! And go tell your classmates to clear the trash. If you can’t, ask [Name] to. She’ll do it for you.” — Homeroom teacher

“Your wood, doesn’t look like wood.” “[Name]! Watch your fingers!” “What animal is that suppose to be?? Let me see your theme again.” “Oh, I thought your theme was monsters QAQ. Sorry, haha…ha..” “Why is your side lamp design a cornetto(croissant) with a bow?” — Design n Technology

[sil-and-seals-blog-something]

“Exfoliation for the soul” - Mx. “I’m a skincare expert” @saturnarias and our friend “We totally know what we’re talking about” C

(Exfoliation for the soul : “I’m just going to explode and reform in thirty minutes” - saturnarias after eating too much at the Chinese restaurant and the place we got dessert for my b-day)

Additional piece: “Explosion will commence in one hour”

[anxiousdragoncollector]

"I miss the person I was before this conversation"

~My friend, post learning about the omega verse during lunch

[multishipper33]

quotes

My friend: You see, I’m smart with my brain and braincells

Me: YEAH, WELL- I’M SMART WITH MY HUMAN OPENERS

—

A classmate of mine: Oh, and (irl name), you can’t stand on a chair.

Me: *flashes him a thumbs up*

—

My teacher, staring right at me: You need to be balanced, with a bit of inside and a bit of outside-

Me: *angey*

—

oh and I’m on a call w/ my friends, camo kid is playing The Great Salmon Scam, and bff is just having a jolly old time

[themadlostgirl]

"Either I am a god or I could kill God and I don't know the difference." --@blackholelynn

[prince-of-red-lions]

why does my brain feel the need to verbally recognize every Zelda song I hear. like my brother was just watching a video right? and there’s music in the background and im like-

me: “thats the great sea. the- the great sea- from wind waker.”

*he gives me a weird look*

him: “yeah… I know..”

idk I guess I’m just weird like that 💀💀

[simpingforcats]

"i want to see that man crash and burn"

"you have litterally no enemies"

"i will make some."

- the conversation i'm having, like, right now...

[your-witch-trial-has-expired]

Me: do this *weird stimming thing* it'll add 7 years to your life

Twin: no

Me: it'll fix the 7 years taken from you by the aliens who are actually angels

Twin: what

Me: don't worry they only took a lil of your of prefrontal cortex

Twin: WHA-why do they need that!

Me: THEY STRAYED FROM GOD! THEYVE TAKEN UP SCIENCE! THEY WANT TO DO BAKING SODA VOLCANOS