#irl quotes

[tenderwatches]

jayce: did i just watch you pour milk into sorbet and cover it in tajin viktor: yes. jayce: viktor: it's like a 'poor man's Dole Whip'. jayce: it's like a dead man's Dole Whip viktor: then, it suits

[kara-cant]

“I just want to be in love with a boy the way boys like boys and in love with a girl the way girls like girls but instead I’m here. Bitchless.”

[pain-is-too-tired]

"He might have slid into her dms,but he can slide right off a cliff."

A beautiful quote by my mom's friend about her daughter's boyfriend.

[sillyofmine]

[themadlostgirl]

Percy:this shit is bananas Percy: B-A-N-N-A Percy: f*ck, I'm dyslexic

[mysterymessmachine]

it's like a carrot on a stick except the bear is on cocaine

[prince-of-red-lions]

*in band, running through a song*

*mr. H stops us*

mr. H: “hey, where’s my bells? you were doing just fine and then you left. where’d you go?”

guy beside me playing the bell part: “away 😃”

mr. H: “don’t go away come back 🤨”

[rinsskies]

Mother, talking about the link to Barn's & Noble I sent her: What the fu- who's Bill?

Me, laughing: A triangle.

[laemperatrizmariana]

"I'm a crackhead for Starbucks."

A classmate named Nick, explaining his love of Starbucks to us.

[tenderwatches]

jayce: is that thunder? viktor: no, that's the cat. *thunder rumbles in the distance* jayce: no, that's definitely thunder. blitzcrank: *purring* viktor: ... deceiver.

[kara-cant]

“It was wet inside, and it only gave me three quarters!”

[theguyinthemathexamples]

I post on my account atleast every 3 days, but i wanna crank it up a notch

Since I'm currently stuck on a draft and i barely reblog things (bc i have shit memory) i just wanted to know:

[bird-btch-rambles]

Lewd posting because something funny happened

*post sex*

*rolls off of him and collapses onto the bed*

🦊: “ Why did so many things crack after you did that?”

🐦‍⬛: “ I’m old leave me alone!”

🦊: “ You’re 22! You can’t be a cougar yet!”

*He stands up and his hips crack*

🐦‍⬛: “ You geriatric dick”

🦊: “ I’m 23 and therefore an old man!”

[themadlostgirl]

"Either I am a god or I could kill God and I don't know the difference." --@blackholelynn

[gayfrogtime]

"Just because you're sick doesn't mean I'm not going to hit you."

-my friend just now

[prince-of-red-lions]

why does my brain feel the need to verbally recognize every Zelda song I hear. like my brother was just watching a video right? and there’s music in the background and im like-

me: “thats the great sea. the- the great sea- from wind waker.”

*he gives me a weird look*

him: “yeah… I know..”

idk I guess I’m just weird like that 💀💀