#my heart is in every one of those little guys. can you believe theres so many of them. i made those. wow.

[dailypokemoncrochet]

Every day every crochet I am a sliver of a percent closer to full pokeamidex and I always think how crazy it's going to be. Just 291 more. That's like 1500 hours. That's so much. That's so little. Me @ myself: how are you doing this

[mymoshangthoughts]

new thoughts i am having lol

body-sharing svsss!mobei-jun and pidw!mobei-jun

now obviously, these two are the same person with basically the same freaking personality lol, so it's not exactly the conflict of "why are you trying to make me do something i would never do" as it would be for like og!qinghua and airplane or smth like that, rather, it's the conflict of:

life experience changing goals. there's obviously the broader shit. pidw!mobei having been a general of an army focused on conquest of both realms vs svsss!mobei having a comparatively peaceful life would mean one of them is liable to have war related ptsd issues and the other is overly naive with regards to things like war and conquest. so their ideals on how to run a kingdom would differ based on those matters. pidw!mobei would be keener on diplomacy when possible, but far more cut-throat when diplomacy fell through. in contrast, svsss!mobei is spoiled and throws around his weight more and thinks little of diplomacy. but when diplomacy fails, he's not quite as prepared for the full consequences of his arrogance. hilariously, pidw!mobei is actually more likely to have a human-friendly reign and be a lot more savvy of human customs. junshang would have had literally HUNDREDS of human brides and idk if you noticed but binghe isnt exactly understanding of his minions screwing up around his romantic partners. so pidw!mobei would have to learn how to ensure half of the harem is treated well and also deal with treaties that junshang carelessly made with this human settlement or that human settlement. after awhile, it all just bleeds together and the realms are combined so tbh he no longer can be paid to give a fuck about whether someone is human or demon. in contrast, svsss!mobei is essentially only familiar with airplane and only attached to airplane. he doesnt have any real reasons to interact with consort shen, separate from how there were hundreds of harem members who needed minding and protecting even when junshang was busy acquiring a new bride, and his dealings with the human realm are comparably sparse. so whereas svsss!mobei might be like "oh theres a famine in the western region of my kingdom, is there someone i can stab about it?", pidw!mobei is more liable to be like "/sigh/ open trade routes with human settlement on the north-western border, they specialize in grains that are suitable for demonic digestion". HOWEVER, svsss!mobei has a far more open heart (less betrayal, war, ptsd, loss, etc) and is also a lot more keen to listen to airplane. so things that airplane has said over the years have generally rubbed off on him. so sometimes he's prone to do things "the airplane way" without even thinking. like more devious and under-handed tactics than his counterpart might have thought of. it would make for an interesting combo is all im saying >:D and delicious internal conflict

romantic feelings >:D ngl, i kinda like the idea of pidw!mobei having a Thing for binghe. so if he's transported into a world where binghe is GAY, like, wtf, YOU MEAN HE MIGHT HAVE A SHOT WITH HIS LIEGE??? and the binghe he knows is poly as fuck. so he would have every reason to believe that so long as binghe is open to men, he'd be open to having a harem of men. so whereas our svsss!mobei is obsessed with qinghua, pidw!mobei is about to get them killed by hitting on junshang badly x'D. pidw!mobei never thought anything much of og!qinghua bc the dude was basically an npc to him, so he cannot fathom why svsss!mobei is so enthralled with him... until he starts to get it. altho he has STRONG suspicions that og!qinghua and airplane!qinghua are straight up different people. the differences between them are too vast. like, bingmei and bingge are clearly different, but they're still noticeably the same guy. pidw!mobei can look at him and recognize "yeah thats the guy im hopelessly crushing on alright". similar hobbies, motivations, way of thinking and problem solving, mannerisms, and just plain the same guy, albeit with a different life. pidw!mobei can also look at his svsss counterpart and be like "yeah, thats me, a dumber me, but thats def me". but airplane? that dude is NOT og!qinghua. pidw!mobei might not have cared about the dude or spent that much time with him, but the same could be said for sha hualing and he would have easily recognized if literally all of her mannerisms, personality, hobbies, and general existence changed 100% into a different person. so, at first he's paying attention to airplane bc svsss!mobei is paying attention to airplane and he's lowkey like "oki why are you interested in /that thing/ when JUNSHANG IS RIGHT THERE!!! HAVE YOU LOOKED INTO THOSE EYES?!?! THOSE PECS?! THE ADORABLE WAY HE COOKS FOR THE PEOPLE HE LOVES?!?!? ARE YOU BLIND?! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY LIKE ABT THE RAT????" but then when he pays attention he's like "no fr wait holdup that aint fucking qinghua" and now he has a mystery to solve and while he's intent on solving that mystery, he's forced to notice the stuff that svsss!mobei finds so enchanting about airplane. things that are actually quite similar to junshang in places (both mobei's have to acknowledge they have a "type") and just stuff wholly his own that is interesting. BUT ANYWAY, prior to pidw!mobei seeing the appeal of the all mighty hamster god, we have the hilarity of two mobei's in one body just like "no ew why do you like HIM, we are not doing that" (svsss!mobei miiiiggghhhtt have been interested in bingmei.... except watching a guy fawn over a corpse for 5 years can really kill the romance. necrophilia ain't hot, junshang. at least not to mobei pfff)

older vs younger >:D. pidw!mobei, if far enough along in the plot, would be significantly older than svsss!mobei and thus he has to deal with the cringe of "ohno why did i used to do that? did i think it was cool? ohgoddammit noooooo" and svsss!mobei has to deal with pidw!mobei being more of a fuddy-duddy who keeps judging him as being immature and "too young to know whats good for him" and all that sort of shit and look, mobei's of any kind do not like being condescended at ok

anyway my broader point is that i desperately want to see these sorts of conflicts with a body sharing situation between them and my brain is fizzling with each delicious idea for how they could argue

im thinking currently of a body sharing situation where they have to wrestle for control of the body and whoever has the stronger will-power of any given moment is usually able to gain control of it. but at all times, the other one is in the back watching and commenting and criticizing (albeit in a mobei jun sort of way) and so you could have svsss!mobei trying to deal with some complicated political situation with pidw!mobei in his head like "omg you're so fucking dumb, here let me take control" and svsss!mobei is like "no fuckyou stop distracting me" and so on and so forth >:D. even more hilarious when its like pidw!mobei over like "gonna shoot my shot with junshang!" and svsss!mobei is just "what are you doing... WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU CRAZY OR STUPID" and yeah >:D

then eventually, when they get on the same page on "airplanes are hot actually" it's the jealous competition of WHO can seduce airplane properly >:D. pidw!mobei is naturally better equipped to actually know what a human likes and how to handle the situation. but also because his behavior is odd coming from svsss!mobei, it's easily misunderstood. conversely, svsss!mobei has years of knowledge of airplane based facts to help him know what airplane likes as an individual, rather than broadly as a 'human'. so that gives him a bit of an edge. the competition is FIERCE and airplane literally could not be more confused over what the fuck mobei is doing and why he sometimes seems to be... jealous of himself??????

[daryl-fucking-dixon]

theres no better way to break in a new blog then posting NSFW ABCs that absolutely nobody asked for

listen to be honest with y'all I have a crazy sex drive and if I'm in the apocalypse with DARYL DIXON, then um! you better believe I want dick 25/8 (AND BEST BELIEVE ILL GET IT)

im really doing this because its almost like I'm decluttering my brain

CREDITS CREDITS CREDITSS!

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) ☆- We all know Daryl would clean you up and comfort you after sex, he's not the type to fuck and dump.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) ☆- I just feel like Daryl is a major tit guy. He loves them all. Small, big, saggy, he does not care. If it can fit in his hand and his mouth then there's not a single complaint.

☆- Daryl favors his arms, and he feels like a big strong man when you latch onto his bicep.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) ☆- Like I said once, and will be saying for the rest of my life, Daryl Dixon would love to creampie you.

☆- Facials?? He wants to cum all over your face and then fuck you missionary so he can watch the way his release runs down in your mouth and on your cheeks.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) ☆- Daryl Dixon's dirty little secret is that he keeps a pair of your underwear to jerk off with when he goes on long runs. (The longer you wore them for the absolute better)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ☆- Before the world ended Daryl didn't exactly have much sex, only a few hook-ups that happened in dark alleys when he was blasted on hard drugs.

☆- Season 1-4 Daryl would be completely lost. A total clutz when he's ripping your shirt off with trembling hands and very sloppily moving his lips against yours, eager yet needy.

☆- Season 5-11 Daryl wouldn't be as clueless after getting older, taking your shirt off first before pulling you closer by the waist, kissing you slowly and much more coordinated.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

☆- Cowgirl. Ride him to your hearts content. He loves loves loves being underneath you, moaning and whimpering as you bounce on his cock.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

☆- He's too gone in pleasure to be funny or sexy

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) ☆- Daryl is definitely hairy, but not too crazy. He's got a dark happy trail leading into thick pubes that rest rest above his base.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

☆- It depends on how clingy Daryl is and how stimulated he is. He likes to wrap his arms around you and bury his face into your neck so he can mark the skin.

☆- Some nights are filled with pure lovemaking, Daryl panting needily against you as he moans in your ear.

"Love ya so fuckin' much, so glad yer mine"

"Prettiest girl I ever seen, wanna make ya feel good"

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

☆- On those nights when he goes on long runs, all by himself with nothing but the song of nature around him, his head fills with all the memories of the softness of your body, inside and out.

☆- He often finds himself holding the fabric of your underwear against his face, whimpering into them as he twist his wrist and tease his tip, thinking about how badly he wanted to be buried deep inside your warm heat.

☆- Once just isn't enough for him. He'll stroke himself completely empty to the thought of you. The sounds of his very needy moans and wet drag of his cum-coated hand overrode the sound of nature.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

☆- DARYL DIXON CERTIFIED BREEDING KINK.

☆- Daryl also has a choking kink that works both ways.

☆- He loves to grip your throat from behind and watch how your face contorts with every thrust, listening to your breathless and choked-off moans.

☆- He also loves to watch the way you bounce on his cock, steadying yourself with your hands tightly around his neck, riding him desperately for your own pleasure.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

☆- Everywhere. If he can put your back against it, he can fuck you against it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

☆- You. No matter what you do, just once long glance and Daryl goes weak in his knees, biting his lips as his cock stirs.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

☆- Don't clown me but threesome. Daryl Dixon does not like to share his woman, friend or foe. He wants no other man to lay his hands, eyes, or dick on you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

☆- We all know that Daryl loves to eat pussy. Not matter how long or how many times he's done it, he will not get tired of the taste of you on his tongue and lingering in his mouth afterwards.

☆- He also loves getting head from you. The way you swirl your tongue around his tip and suck it drives his eyes into the back of his skull, a deep groan coming from his chest. Daryl is honestly an oral lover.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

☆- A pretty good combination of both. Depending on the mood, the night starts sensually with lots of eager kisses and roaming hands, Daryl's hips sloppily and lazily thrusting into you at first.

☆- When eager kisses become slow and deep, that's when lazy thrusts become quick and controlled, his cock sliding deeper into your velvety walls. Sometimes Daryl gets so wrapped up in how good he feels, he can't help how fast his hips start to snap against you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

☆- Only if it's absolutely safe. The first quickie you two ever had was horrifically cut short by a random walker almost biting the bare flesh of Daryl's neck, mid-orgasm at that!

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

☆- He'd be iffy about a few things depending on what they are. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you in bed, but he also never wants to deny you of what you want. (I have no fucking clue what this letter means guys)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

☆- On the nights where Daryl just needs to not think, he can go for as many rounds as his body can physically handle. He can last for a while during the first round, but it's after the second and third when he starts to struggle. He needily fucks the both of you completely stupid, only being done when a harsh dry orgasm rocks his entire world, gasping and sobbing against you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

☆- When Daryl finds your vibrator hidden behind your pillow, he gets a little curious and tries it on himself, sitting on the bed and taking his cock out, stroking himself a few times before clicking the button, feeling the toy buzz to life.

☆- He bites his lip rough when he presses it to his tip, a loud, choked whimper ripping from his throat.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

☆- Daryl only teases you when you tease him. The way you not so innocently bat your lashes at him and firmly grip his bicep gets him riled up for the day and gets you in a world of trouble for the night.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

☆- Daryl is typically a quiet guy, but he can get pretty loud in bed. A lot of the times he muffles any moans or whimpers into the soft skin of your shoulder.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

☆- Talked about this with one of my mutuals but I think Daryl would be a little bit into knifeplay. Nothing major, he just finds it really hot your life is quite literally in his hands.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

☆- Daryl definitely has a curved dick. It's a good solid eight inches and he's pretty thick. Circumcised as well.

☆- There's a long vein that runs along the underside, and a few more that become more prominent when he's hard.

☆- His tip is a cherry red and quite sensitive due to nerve damage. (from said circumcise)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

☆- Daryl used to barely think about sex, especially in the apocalypse. He'd still jerk off every so often, but not really that often. Only when he had nothing else to do, or really needed to stop thinking, which meant he was gonna jerk off for quite a while.

☆- His sex drive went through the roof after he met you, he simply couldn't get enough. It had only taken a few times before he was completely addicted to your body, and craved it each time he was away. he jerks off much more and much longer now

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

☆- It depends how many times he came. Sometimes he'll literally pass out right on top of you, still inside you.

☆- Most nights however he usually has enough strength to clean you up, and crawl into bed next to you, pulling you closer to his sturdy chest with his arms securely wrapped around you.

[kitgundy]

DYSPHORIA

Mom, do you know how much of a nightmare it is?

Looking down at my body and feeling like something’s wrong

Looking back and examining and reexamining my past thoughts, my past beliefs

Realizing I’m a boy and no matter how much I try to deny it I always have been

I’m a boy. I’m a boy, <DEADNAME> isn’t a boy name. I’m not a FUCKING SHE. I AM NOT A SHE AND MY NAME ISNT <DEADNAME> PLEASE GOD JUST STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THOSE THINGS YOU TELL ME TO STOP TELLING YOU TO STOP, YOU TELL ME IT HURTS YOU WHEN I TELL YOU TO STOP, YOU SAY ITS BECAUSE OF MY TONE WHEN I TELL YOU BUT IT HAS BEEN FUCKI YEARS AND YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED DO YOU KNOW HOW MCH THAT HURTS ME?

I can’t even explain how tiring it is that you look at me and you don’t see me for who I am. You see a girl who doesn’t know herself. You see a stupid little girl who is following a trend. IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW I DONT FUCKING FOLLOW TRENDS MOM!!!! It isn’t a fucking phase! I thought I was just non-binary and I told you back then. And I wish I hadn’t, because I was still confused about what I was and I went about it aggressively and that isn’t how you tell people how you really feel because then they’ll never believe you.

You will never believe me when I tell you who I am. I don’t know if I hate you for it or if I can just ignore it so I can still love you. It’s both. I have to ignore the way you see me so I can love you in a way that works. I hate when you talk about me to other people because I know the words you will speak, I know the name you will use, and I try to brace myself but it still hurts more every fucking time.

God, I wish I was just born a boy. I wish I was born and raised like a boy. I wish I had a dick. I wish I had a deep voice. I wish I had facial hair, I want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to look in the mirror and not see a stranger looking back at me.

I don’t know what to do. Whenever I try to explain what I want to be (a gender non conforming guy but also just some guy), you butt in and say “why not be a gender non conforming girl?”

BECAUSE I TRIED THAT AND IT DIDNT WORK. I LOVE MYSELF AND I LOVE MY BODY BUT I AM ALSO IN THE WRONG BODY AND THERES MEDICAL WAYS TO FIX THAT BUT IF I TRY TO DO THAT UNDER YOUR ROOF I AM TWRRIFIED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME. And GOD I am terrified of doing the medical treatments too, because I am one bad politician away from my entire life being ruined when I do go on those. There’s already a lot of states I cannot safely go to or live in. I can’t fucking visit my grandmother in Florida because I am TERRIFIED of how I would be treated there. I am TERRIFIED of the politics there.

And yeah, sure, maybe I wouldn’t visit that grandmother anyway, sue me. I know there’s gotta be somewhere you got your beliefs from and I’m willing to bet it’s not just the church, but also her. God I hope it’s her and not just you absorbing the church’s ideals like a sponge, because I KNOW you’re smarter than that. And I KNOW childhood beliefs can be challenged and changed, but there’s a sinking feeling in my heart that it isn’t just childhood beliefs. There’s a sinking feeling that that church is part of why you’re not a safe space for me.

And I am so scared, because I know when I move out, I am going to double down. I’m a man. I’m a boy. I always have been. I always will be. I don’t know how to explain it, you try to explain why you’re a woman without saying it’s because of your body. Tell me why your spirit is a woman without saying “I don’t know”. What exactly is your connection with womanhood?

I’ll tell you my connection with manhood. When I was a little kid, I didn’t think about this stuff. But I thought it would be REALLY cool to do things in a boy way. I tried and failed multiple times to stand up to pee, just to prove I could. I didn’t even really care about the stereotypes, I just thought it’d be cool to be a boy.

I remember years later, I was sitting in front of the old TV, staring at the screen after starting a new save on Pokémon Ruby. I was wondering if I should pick the boy option. Part of me REALLY wanted to pick the boy option.

But I was scared. Why was I scared? Had my mind already been poisoned with subconscious hatred, even at such a young age? I don’t know. I just know when I heard someone nearby, I picked the girl option- out of FEAR. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t pick the boy option. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.

I didn’t think about these things back then, didn’t realize being a boy was an option- in fact, I thought it was dangerous. I considered myself boyish, sure. I wasn’t a tomboy, but tomboy fit what I thought I was, I thought I was a girl who felt weirdly.. boy.

My breasts started to grow. I had been excited for them at first, but when they actually grew, I hated them. I didn’t know why. I just wanted to hide them. I wanted them gone. I was excited, so why was I feeling like this?

Why did I hate the way my body was changing?

Must just be normal puberty, right? Everyone hates their bodies changing like this. And besides, the breasts came with periods, and periods suck. So maybe I was just hating puberty as a whole.

The feeling didn’t go away. It just got worse and worse and worse.

I grew up. And then I found out what trans means. And then I did research. And then I picked a fight with you, telling you I’m non-binary.

Because that’s what I thought I was. I had never had time to really think about it, after all. I wasn’t a girl, but I couldn’t be a boy, right? “Boys are gross and ugly and annoying and I don’t want to be that so I can’t be a boy. Besides, trans is too strong of a word for what I feel,” that’s what I thought.

And time went on. And I matured. And I realized that, yes, I am a boy. A girlish boy, maybe, a genderfuck boy who wants to wear dresses AND suits, but he will NEVER be recognized as a boy when he does wear a dress because his body doesn’t match his soul.

The more I grow, the more I realize:

My body wasn’t meant for me and I wasn’t meant for this body.

My voice in my head is lower than how it comes out. My face itches for lack of facial hair, my whole body itches for lack of hair. Long hair feels suffocating, blinding. I can’t even bear to look at my chest anymore, can barely bear to touch it.

And it HURTS every time I look in the mirror, every time I speak.

But not NEARLY as much as it hurts to hear that name.

I chose the name Kris because it was convenient. <DEADNAME> and Kris both start with a K. They’re both four letters. And, unlike <DEADNAME>, NOBODY is going to say the name Kris wrong, and nobody is gonna SEE the name Kris and assume it’s a girl’s name.

I chose the name Kris, and my pronouns fluctuated, but my name stayed the same. For TWO YEARS it stayed the same.

And yet you still keep calling me <DEADNAME>. You keep calling me a DAUGHTER. You keep calling me a SHE.

It HURTS.

And honestly? I wish you just wouldn’t call for me at all at this point.

I love you. But I can only handle you in small amounts, and only when we’re alone, because when you talk about me, you use words that drive straight into my soul.

I am not a FUCKING girl.

Girls are awesome. They’re great. Girls are beautiful, and wonderful, and I love girls.

It’s just.. I’m not one. I never was.

And I don’t know how you can’t see that.

Don’t you remember? The times when I was a kid, when I would try to stand up to pee? Don’t you know how much I wished to be a brother too? I made being the only daughter my personality, but that’s because I didn’t know I could be anything else.

Didn’t you see how much I tried to reject femininity?

One day, I said I hate the color pink. I said I hate it with a passion, I spat vicious vitriol at such a pretty color.

I was wearing a pink jacket.

Years later, I look back and I see a confused, hurting.. I’m not sure what I was.

Honestly.. I don’t think I was a boy then. I mean, I was ALWAYS a boy deep down, but at the time, I didn’t KNOW that, and I was trying REALLY HARD to just be a girl but not like other girls(?), so I’m not really sure what I was then.

I just know I wasn’t a girl. And some part of me deep down knew that, and was VICIOUSLY attacking everything feminine I did and liked in an attempt to distance myself from it all.

I hate that you can’t recognize that.

I love you, and I love the name <DEADNAME>, it’s such a nice name, really. I love women, they’re so wonderful and deserving of all the best (deserving of much better than society gives them, really).

But I’m not <DEADNAME>. I’m not your daughter, I’m not a she.

I will probably burst into tears if you ever call me your son. And I am TERRIFIED. Because I KNOW you will take that the wrong way, use it as yet another reason I’m just confused.

I’m not. I think YOURE confused.

You tell me statistics aren’t good to use but good GOD, the statistics I use are REAL. They’re from STUDIES. If you can’t use real FUCKING numbers, what the hell else are you supposed to do?

I don’t know what to do. It hurts more to talk to you every day because it’s getting worse and worse the longer I spend in a body that doesn’t fit with a voice that doesn’t match, and YOU aren’t helping.

I’m so, so tired of being seen as something I’m not. I’m so tired of fantasizing and dreaming about being seen for who I am and then being reminded that wouldn’t be safe.

I’m tired of you. I love you, but you make me so, so tired.

So forgive me if I got too snappish when I corrected you. Holding in the corrections is only serving to hurt me, and I don’t feel safe around you anymore.

Honestly, I doubt I ever did.

I don’t remember the last time I had a genuine conversation with you that ended where you understood me. You look at me and you see this wayward child, this lost sheep. You don’t try to understand ME, you only try to make me understand YOU.

Well, guess what? I am an ADULT HUMAN MAN. Your god will NEVER be mine, he has HURT ME. I’m not a sixteen year old trapped in a nineteen year old body, I am NINETEEN and AUTISTIC. I'm not maturing the way you thought I would because school and everything in my life burnt me out and people hurt me, so I didn’t get to emotionally mature when I should have, and I’m picking up the pieces left behind by that trauma now but that doesn’t mean I’m not an adult. I still feel too overwhelmed by the world to live on my own but I am an ENTIRE ADULT and you need to REALIZE that. I know I’m still young and stupid, but that doesn’t make me not an adult. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME AND SEE AN ADULT.

Oh, and on your religion? I’m not a lost sheep, I am a WOLF who will EAT your Shepard.

Because I was a blue sheep.

I was a blue sheep who was painted pink, and the flock said “Our Shepard loves you no matter what color you are!”

But when I showed my colors, the flock turned away. Averted their eyes and avoided me.

And you did too.

And that shepard never said a word to me, never even noticed when I was left behind.

The meaner ones in the flock even called me a wolf. So you know what I did? I grew fangs.

You know what? Part of me wants to bite you- that is to say, to keep correcting you. You take that as a bite? Fine. I will fucking bite, until you bleed enough that you decide enough is enough.

You can choose whether you distance yourself from me or actually start referring to me by my name, by my pronouns. You can respect me or you can leave.

I don’t care.

I hate you. I love you, but I hate you so much.

I don’t even hate you, actually. I’m just hurt. I’m so hurt and angry and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

I didn’t choose to be a blue sheep. I didn’t choose to get turned into a wolf. The flock thought of me as one and that’s what I became.

I never asked for this.

I never asked for you to adopt me. I never asked to be put with someone who can’t understand.

Why don’t you understand?

WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?

WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND!!!???

I DO UNDERSTAND!!! You don’t know how to understand. Because you only look at one side.

The church’s side.

Your God’s side.

I want to kill your god.

So many of my problems would be solved if he never existed. So many of my problems wouldn’t exist if Joseph Smith didn’t exist.

Maybe I wouldn’t be alive today.

Or maybe fate has a way, and our family would have been together somehow anyway, and maybe you’d care for me the way you do for my brothers. Maybe you’d stop seeing me as your daughter.

If I was born a boy, maybe I’d be your weird gay GNC son.

Please call me your son.

Please call me your son.

PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON.

I LOVE YOU PLEASE, I BEG YOU ON MY FUCKING HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON IM YOUR SON I AM YOUR FUCKING SON PLEASE CALL ME YOUR

[moonlightazriel]

Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie

Thank you for tagging me darlings @sunshinebingo @thelov3lybookworm

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing?

I like to sit down on my computer and stare at the screen for a few seconds while i gather the courage to actully write, the hardest part is to get something done, because the ideas are always there, but put it into the paper? Yeah that's the worst.

So I really like to just let things flow in their own time, sometimes takes me weeks to write a line, but when i get the creativity booster randomly, i pretty much write the whole story without stopping until I'm done.

Then i send a message to @fieldofdaisiies asking if she wants to beta for me, which helps me a lot cuz i leave so many dumb mistakes behind and she always catches them for me, i rely on her feedback and change what we both agree should be changed and then I scan it one more time over translator to see if I haven't wrote any incorrect words and then i go to post.

I like to leave some of my banners for fics ready, as you guys know, my fics are posted in the exact same format every time, so i leave some of these posts ready to be filled, with tags and everything, fill it all out, think about a name, pray a few seconds that everyone won't hate it, then i post.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

I really only plot and plan a story when i'm writing a longer st ory, like SOD or Worlds Apart, these kind of stories need planning and plotting and they usually take a long while to get those going, but overall I just write what gets the louder in my head and i just go with it to see where it gets me.

What do you listen to when you are writing?

Yeah, that's a hard one cuz i literally listen to anything, but i really like ambient music from video games to get everything smooth and calm for my frantic thoughts.

One of my favs is this one.

What’s your drink of choice (while writing)?

I really like to have some coffee while i write, but i usually ends up with a bottle of water. Stay hydrated guys, drink your water.

Promote yourself! What’s your favourite thing you’ve written?

I can't promote myself without mentioning Son of the Darkness , my first long fic and i adore it with all my heart, the plot, the idea, the building made me grow a lot as a writer and believe in myself more, one day i plan to rewrite it to see what it would look like when i'm older.

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

When no one hears your calls it's one of my favorite things that i ever wrote and Eris deserves all the love after what he been through.

Do you have any advice for new writers?

Don't be afraid to try, writing is supposed to be fun, post what you would like to read, writing something you don't like just cuz it's popular and will get you more notes is not the way to go with this, you will end up unhappy, trust me. Don't be afraid to be creative an dmess up with the fan favorites, as long as you're being respectful, you should try everything. And most importantly, don't listen to that nagging voice that insists you're not good enough, you are and you're brilliant, kep writing, be amazed by what you write, this is such a fun and nice hobby, enjoy it.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Somthing that really bothers me is smut, i feel like mine is very vague sometimes, but i just can't write it in details for some reason, i have read storiese where smut is so well written, and i know it can be beautiful, i just wish i could get mine to be a little bit better, but don't matter how much i try, it never seems good enough.

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Aemond Targeryen, he's such a nice character to write about, cuz he can range from a scared little boy to a mass murderer and theres so many possibilities with that, i wrote for him just for fun and i enjoyed so much, i always have an idea or two for him in my head.

Tagging: @fieldofdaisiies @lees-chaotic-brain

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

you know this post seems a lil sad to me, cause when I was stuck in a corn maze I only managed to get out because there was an enthusiastic effort amongst everyone in the corn maze to help one another get through it, pointing the way and offering hints and asking questions When I was in the dmv so miserably early the doors hadn't even opened yet people were bringing over big buckets for others to sit on, and when inside there were so many random acts of kindness between the individuals there and silly little interactions that by the time I finally got my driving test done there was an air of kinship in the air and I only got out so quickly because another person realized she'd gotten something wrong paperwork wise and gave me her place in line

And when I hurt my wrist as a kid everyone kindly held open doors for me at every turn When my mom and I got stranded in the middle of no where thanks to a car issue like 5 different people stopped by our car and asked if we were okay, offered to help, (we were waiting for the repair guys or something like that) and warned us "its a bad area so be careful" and yet not once did anything bad happen at all, every person we saw was kind and worried for our wellbeing...(which while that does make me wonder what on earth they were trying to warn us about it did give me the impression at the time that perhaps they just all had some sort of beef with other, but i was a little kid so I wouldnt really know, it seemed to me like it was in fact a much nicer than average area)

When tragedy strikes don't people rush out to help?

When there's a hurricaine, a fire, a tornado, an earthquake, don't neighbors rush to help and protect one another? don't we try to save each other? don't we express heartache and rage when the first response ISINT to help? Why is it that our first response is rage? grief? heartbreak? when the first response to a bad situation is to take advantage of it or to abandon those suffering, or worse yet, to yank them back down?

Because we are social animals Crabs dont likely understand why they cant get out or even that theyre forcing the other crabs to stay in the bucket when they yank and pull, they just think its a way to pull themselves up, they dont have enough going on to grasp how physics works or to be cruel and want others to suffer with them.

Selfishness does exist, but it's not the rule

it's the exception, and we shout and point when it happens.

Of course we notice, because kindness is the rule

do we know the names of every single individual to ever save another human life? let alone to save thousands? Have we memorized the names of heroes who eradicated disease or created safety guidelines or fought for rights and for goodness in this world? Is it not the names of those we revile that we focus on most

telling our children of their crimes?

Why don't we focus more on every hero? Because theres just too many of them, because being a good decent human being is the norm.

Maybe not perfect, maybe even a pretty messed up human being but with a good heart, goodness knows I know a lot of people who while you might not say "thats a great person" you'd also never call them cruel or evil, just that they could use some help or deserve better lives.

I truly believe humans for the most part are good, and I say this without denying the evil exists. I am vividly, horrifically aware of the darkness in this world, but I refuse to let that define our race because to do so would be to excuse those who chose to do the wrong thing.

I believe humans are above all else, defined by the fact we can chose right or wrong. I dont want those who do evil to be the ones who represent us, in my mind or in anyone elses mind

They are the exception to a kinder rule.

this is just a me ramble though , my opinion thats not more valuable than anyone elses, just one I felt like sharing, because maybe it will bring someone some relief...

I used to feel guilty as a child for being human, for being something as horrible as that, and I know maybe some others did or do too

But remember please like mewtwo once said, its not the circumstances of your birth which defines you, but what you do with the gift of life.

we are not evil we are capable of it.

we are not good

we are capable of it.

and we will do both in our lives.

but I have been pleasantly surprised now that I'm older and know more about the world to see that in fact the world isint just like in history books overflowing with grief and pain, and convinced that since everyone said children were naive and unaware, that it must be worse than I could ever imagine

but in fact the world is full of the mundane, and every day normal people go about their lives and chose to be decent to one another and often do much more kindness than we will ever know.

I'm glad we arent crabs in a bucket

i love you all

people are like "if you put crabs in a bucket they can't escape because they keep pulling each other back in, this is called crab bucket mentality and describes why people don't help each other" and never acknowledge that crabs do not naturally occur in buckets, a human with more power had to put them there

[iameternal]

k

Recently or last year I got the chance to finally get to know one of old coworkers. I had spent a lot of the prior months just sitting there and constantly thinking about how cool I thought they were. I was happy to get to know someone completely new. Back then I knew I had a crush on them but I had always kept it to myself and also I told my friends about her but never that I had actually really liked her. Thinking about the countless nights that we had worked together I never really though much of that crush I had on her to be honest. I would always say things admiring her and how we had already established that her and I thought very similarly to my friends but I would never really do anything, I kinda let her mediate and talk about whatever she wished to talk about. This was basically april 2023 up to january, seeing eachother a lot and always working together. You would think the close proximity was why I grew to like her but I think there was a genuine connection between the two of us and I will always try my best to not sell that idea short. But anyways I had gone to japan for around 2 weeks at the start of 2024. Leading up to that trip I had always brought it up to her and how I excited was for that trip, also spent a little bit of time rubbing the fact in her face for fun just because I thought it would be funny and it was >:). But thats not important, when I had gotten back from that trip there was news floating around that her boyfriend had broekn up with. her. When I heard that I could not help to be happy for myself, but of course I kept that reaction to myself and instead kind of jumped in headfirst into a friendship. I believe people should always be helped and supported when going through hard times, and I know how hard your first heartbreak can feel. After hearing this new I had actually gotten her souvenirs from Japan, just little stuff I thought she might like. But after I gave that to her at work she had texted me later something along the lines of "Hey ive been going through a hard time, it would be nice to have new friends to talk to :)" I dont think another person has made my heart race the way it did 3 years prior to me receiving that text. I had instantly responded saying "okay" but I was going through all of the possibilities from this opportunity. After texting back and forth about the gifts I gave her we decided that we would meet at a coffee shop. I was so happy about it. Leading up to the day i was telling my friends about the situation and how happy I was to be going out with her that day. Now the actual hangout is pretty questionable LOL. It wasn't BAD but it was going to take some getting used to. After that monday though(we decided to hangout on a monday) I would see her almost every monday of every month until may. And in that short time span I would grow to really like this girl. I dont base my crushes on real compatability rather just physical attraction. But throughout those 4-5 months I had really really grown to like her. At first I spent a lot of my time staying in the mindset that it was nothing more than a friendship because of the circumstances that came from this opportunity. I think it both kept me safe but also kept me away from doing anything more than friend things. There was I say 3 big events. 1 of these events was actually her 21st birthday. She invited me and some of her friends to go out and drink on her birthday at the bars. Theres she dressed up in lolita clothing and I was completely in love with it. Watching someone dress how they want rather than how other people expect you to dress is so cool and I have always found that act so cool. But that night we were drunk and obviously things got kinda weird I guess but not really. She started crying relentlessly and I found it really interesting that she chose me to cling on out of everyone at that table. To all of those other people I was just seen as the guy that was really like her and thats basically all her friends knew me as. One of her friends even bought me a drink which was really nice.

[toxicgreenslushi]

I don't know how you don't think of me every single night.

You lay in my bed, with my sheets, and my blankets. You sleep with my pillow. You're surrounded by things that belong(ed) to me. And I know you wanted me to just pretend everything was fine, and maybe in your mind it was. But I couldn't keep betraying myself. Sometimes I think about how you still go to sleep every night in the bed that was mine and don't lie awake thinking of me. Then again you're high all the time. I try not to think about it too much but I think of all the things I may have left behind and how (if I did) I will just have to learn to come to terms with that. Because theres no going back now, and no one in your family seems willing to help me. I know everyone wants to play pretend or just turn the other cheek, and I suppose at this point it doesn't or shouldn't matter to me.

Sometimes I think I miss you. I miss my little guy for sure, I have a hard time even saying his name or thinking about him too much. I do think about how you told me I was abandoning you, which is the last thing I'd ever want to do. But I knew if I stayed tethered to you in anyway, you'd make me regret it. You already were and you couldn't even see that. So it was useless to plead my case when everything I tried to convey fell on deaf ears and nothing I did or said would have changed that.

You are part of the reason I fear no one will believe me when I tell them something important. But I don't wish you ill, I'm sorry...to both of us. For going through with something I knew was risky and probably unwise. For saying hurtful things instead of walking away sooner. For trying to force you to become someone else. For guilting you for your past because of my insecurities. For letting you make me feel ashamed of myself. For believing your lies and blaming myself. For putting Woody through that. For getting attached. For not leaving sooner. For every letting myself walk through your door or let you walk into my life again. Naive and soft hearted me wanted to believe you'd come back to me and we'd live happily ever after after all those years. I tried to wipe my memory of the horrid things, believing people can change (and I still think some people can and do) and wanting to believe we would be compatible all these years later.

But we weren't. We aren't. We won't ever be. But I care about you still in the depth of my mind, even though you fucked me over and I'm sure you feel the same way about me...I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't have the foresight to stay away and save us both a lot of pain and suffering.

I won't ever be able to tell you these things. If I could or if I did I don't imagine I'd get any satisfaction or closure (if there is such a thing) out of it. It is because of you that I don't believe in closure, you taught me that a long long time ago.

But I am sending it out into the universe that I have love for you and I pray the pain either of us feel dissolves into nothing. That we both forgive and forget and don't look back very often if at all. That I won't hold resentment against you for anything anymore, and that you might do the same towards me.

Either way. I want to be free of you. And I don't want to carry this with me anymore, even in those subtle ways. Goodbye. I hope I don't ever dream or think of you again.

[marksbear]

"Y/n Mitchell"

Hello Bears! this is part 2 for the Hangman x Maverick's son reader! Hope you all enjoy!

HANGMAN X MAVERICKS SON READER

🛩 "Y-your his dad!" Jake's mouth is wide open in shock. Theres no way in hell hes your dad. Hangman couldn't believe it. No way you are from the same blood.

🛩 As Jake's mind race with full of questions and wonder Maverick pulls out his phone and wallet from his pocket. First Maverick opens his wallet pulling out two pictures of you and him. One was you just got born and he got to hold you for the first time. The second one was you when both were covered in cake. You had to be around four in the picture because you looked so sweet and innocent.

🛩 Hangman stares at the pictures with his eyes wide open. Maverick puts the pictures back in his wallet before showing a picture that currently looks like you now having his flying helmet on throwing a peace sign at the camera.

🛩 "Y/n M/n Mitchell. Or his nickname N/n. Aka my son." Maverick turns off his phone putting it back inside his pocket.

🛩 "Hangman. I will make your life a living hell if you do anything remotely to hurt my sons heart."

"You know hes not a kid anymore. He's not your little boy. He's not daddy's little man." Jake says with his signature smirk trying to strike a nerve.

"I know he isn't. But I am his father and nothing's gonna change that. To me hes still my little boy. Like I said nothing is gonna change that. Even you."

🛩 From that day forward Hangman and Maverick has so much tension you can see it in the air.

🛩 Hangman always tries to bring up you to Maverick trying to be slick about it to. Always telling Coyote a bit loudly about what "Y/n and him have been doing". Bragging to Phoenix when Maverick is around about "How good of a couple Y/n and I are." Just always finding an opportunity.

🛩 One time Hangman asks you to leave hickey's on him where its so noticeable even a kid can see them. You agreed and gave him what he asked for. Not knowing hes walking around like a peacock showing his neck off.

And ultimately the marks catch Mavericks attention. The second Maverick stares a bit too long Jake is smirking and saying something. "You know Mave. Your son is one hell of a guy.~" Maverick catches at what hes suggesting very fast and it makes his blood boil.

🛩 Every time its one of those practice drills for a mission and Jake does something would gotten him killed Maverick will do a low blow. And it makes Jake become dead silent. "What am I supposed to say to Y/n?" "How am I gonna tell him that you died doing something reckless and can easily be avoided."

The comments make Jake just stop and overthink. He hates how much Maverick words get to him and always tries not to let it get to him, but each time he hears that it stings.

🛩 Of course Jake tries to keep Maverick out of the relationship romantic wise not family wise. He almost tries to prove to you and himself plus Maverick that he is right for you.

🛩 One time it took Maverick quite a long time to comeback for a mission and you were first person at the runway everyday waiting for him. You'd stand there for hours until they have to kick you out. But that doesn't stop you from coming. While you always wait Hangman always is with you while waiting holding his arms around you waiting with you in trusting and kinda tense silence.

By the time Maverick finally makes it back he sees the team and you and hangman all waiting for him. Maverick carefully exits out of the jet with a few bruises on his face before you run out of Hangman's arm basically tackling your father in a hug.

The whole gang watches the son and father's beautiful moment. They see your eyes that are basically filled with tears as you hug your father like a koala with a tree in fear if you let go of him he'll disappear.

Maverick runs his fingers through your hair giving you forehead kisses with a few words. "Don't worry baby i'm here. Daddy is here don't cry." Hearing that makes the gang's heart swell. Here you are a grown man who is crying onto his father like you're a little kid. It's a sight for sore eyes.

🛩 When Maverick finds out Hangman was with his son the entire time he was waiting for him he gives Hangman a smile. It was more like a "thank you" type of smile than anything else. After him and Hangman are alone Maverick goes up to him.

"Thank you Jake. Really thank you."

"No need to thank me old man I only did it for Y/n. Kinda what great boyfriends like me do." Jake says back with his usual cocky tone. Causing Maverick to roll his eyes.

"Don't get too cocky. But really thank you for being with my son when he needed someone the most." Maverick says with one more thank you before leaving Hangman alone with his thoughts.

🛩 After that moment Maverick gives Jake some of his trust to date his son. BUT not all of it. Of course you notice that your dad doesn't scowl anymore when you mention Jake's name. He doesn't even argue about him anymore to you making you smile.

🛩 Anytime your working at the bar Hangman and the gang would just show up out of no where just having fun while Jake sneaks off to talk to you. "So~ Y/n." "Yes pretty boy?" "I was wondering if you'd like to----" "Back off my son Hangman." Maverick would just appear out of nowhere pulling him away like he was just some random dog.

"Am I your son in law now?" A drunk Jake asks Maverick.

"No way in hell you're gonna marry my son. So don't even try to think about it."

THE END! Let me know if I should add some more headcanons with it!

Here are some who requested a part 2 so they can read it without searching far and wide for the fic!

@starkleila @rasberry-jupiter @abditory-writes @guardkeywolf

[kageyuji]

shortening his name except he thinks you called him another guy’s name

⤷ oikawa, bokuto, atsumu, suna, mattsun ; [gn!reader]

GENRE/WARNINGS: comfort(?), angst if you squint hard enough, mild swearing

NOTES: i will literally offer my hand in marriage if you reblog. and thank you to @/sugawaaras for giving me the idea for mattsun’s <33

━━ OIKAWA

even though he tried to be confident, in reality, his self confidence sat on a throne built from things he told himself in the mirror and compliments he never believed

so its not a surprise that his first reaction just... isn’t one. he’ll stop and replay it over and over again in his head to make sure he’d heard you correctly

and then his heart breaks — it actually hurts him, makes him feel like he can’t breath, and before he even knows it theres tears in his eyes

of course, he knows you’re never supposed to let the reason you’re crying see you crying

so he attempts to act like he’s more annoyed than that he just had his heart just obliterated

it’s not a secret though. through the pain in his eyes, anyone can see the shattered remnants of what was once his heart

“ru, can you grab my phone for me?” you called to your boyfriend from the couch, remembering that you’d left your phone in the other room.

it was quiet for a moment; not long enough for you to ask if he was okay, but long enough that the silence was odd. you heard heavy footfalls again, then saw oikawa standing just inside the room with a clear look of betrayal on his face.

“what?” you asked him, wondering if he was kidding around. you hadn’t done anything, there was no reason why he’d actually be upset with you.

as he stepped closer to you, you could see the tears whelling up in his eyes, and you were left to wonder what was wrong.

“what’s wrong? tooru, hey, are you ok?” your voice was much softer when you spoke this time. your heart dropped when you saw him step back at your step forward.

“so now you can call me by my name?” you think his voice was meant to be low and hostile, but in his struggle not to cry it came out strangled and cracked.

“what did... do you mean ‘ru?”

“yes! who the hell is that? if you wanted to-“

“no no, babe, your name is tooru. the last syllable of your name is ru. it’s just a shortening of your name, not someone else’s.”

you watched his lips form a smile and he let out something like a laugh, seemingly at his own confusion, and then the tears finally fell.

he’d walked into your arms soon after, with his arms wrapped tightly around you and his face buried in the crook of your neck

“sorry... sorry for not trust- trusting you, i just-” his sentence was cut through with sharp breaths and hiccups, and then finally stopped with your own voice.

“it’s alright, i didn’t mean to scare you. we can cuddle if you want, hm?”

he was already struggling to keep himself from fully breaking down. but when one of your hands came up to pet his hair, a whine left him — you think it was supposed to be an ‘mhm’ to your offer — and his hands gripped tightly at your shirt, his arms around you getting tighter.

━━ BOKUTO

he doesn’t miss a beat, immediately looking up at you to wonder if he’d heard you correctly

it’s just a small spike of anxiety at first, but the more he lets the foreign name resonate with him, the more it makes him worry

he has to build up the courage to ask you who the other guy is, because he can’t do it right away, he’s way too nervous

he looks so sad as well, puppy dog eyes looking at you, seemingly just slightly worried

unbeknownst to you, his heart is pounding in is chest and with each passing second, it runs the risk of shattering

“‘taro!” your voice was a giggle as he left little kisses all over you. they weren’t nearly enough to leave hickeys, just little pecks across your face, your neck, your chest.

as soon as the name left your lips though, he stopped, golden eyes snapping up to look at you with a pain you’d never seen in them before.

you could tell he was definitely upset about something, but you had no idea what it could be. hell, the way he looked at you, it was almost as though you were the reason.

of course, you were unaware that bokuto’s first thoughts went to rintaro, middle blocker from the famed inarizaki. suddenly he was thinking of every time you’d ever spoken about the team, said how many fan girls they had, how many games they’d won.

he wanted to say something. he really wanted to ask what you’d meant. but the words seemed caught in his throat.

it wasn’t long before he couldn’t take it though, and he pushed the words out, despite the alarms going off in his head and his heart immediately jumping to his throat.

“who is ‘taro?” you didnt think you’d ever heard him sound so small. so timid, so close to his voice cracking with the tears he was holding back, so... scared.

“you? who else? i can call you kou if you’d prefer that though. you don’t have to look so upset.”

bokuto smiled then, relaxing the weight on his arms enough so he was on top of you. he supported himself enough not to crush you, but there was nothing more he wanted in the world right now than to be held by you.

━━ ATSUMU

he liked to consider himself a tough guy. he liked to.

but there were times whenever his support fell, leaving his world to crumble in his hands, slipping through his fingers no matter how hard he tried to hold it all together

and when thought he heard a guy’s name that isn’t his own come from you, it felt just like one of those times

he was asking what you’d meant before his mind could even properly register your words

and by that point he didn’t care enough to replay the name in his head, his mind already caught up looking for the things he’d done wrong, the things he hadn’t done.

“oh, ‘umi, if you want to we can go to th-”

“what the hell?”

it surprised you how much venom laced his words, despite the fact that you’d done nothing wrong. the thought that he was being sarcastic or joking with you crossed your mind, but atsumu wasn’t exactly the best actor.

he couldn’t fake the look on his face, couldn’t fake how his heart had seemingly stopped just from the look in his eyes.

“what do you mean?” your voice was soft when you spoke now, no longer so nonchalant.

he lips pressed into a thin line and he set his jaw in frustration. it took him taking a deep breath to finally say, “you called me ‘omi.’ if you like-”

“tsumu.”

“no, i heard you, you called me omi. if- if theres...” he never finished his sentence. there was already a lump in his throat and he knew that if he were to say anything more, he’d cry.

“no, no. i called you umi. like your name just a little bit different.”

his face was drawn in a look on confusion. his eyes studied you, trying to look for any sign of you lying. but he trusted you, of course he trusted you.

he came over to hug you, his arms wrapped tightly around you. you heard him sniff, but you knew he’d deny crying if you asked him.

“i love you,” his voice made him sound so small, it was a level of weak and vulnerable you’d not seen from him.

“i love you too.”

━━ SUNA

the words “stay calm” had never been repeated in his head to himself so much

well, it was more like a string of curse words with “stay calm” thrown in occasionally, but he’d never felt so scared

the look on his face is annoyed at first, but it quickly starts to shift into one with a little more worry

he’s terrified, in all honesty. but he’s already told himself he’s not going to let you see that

“taro, can we stop by a corner store on the way home? i need something.”

your voice had been so calm. so why did it feel like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest?

he knew you hadn’t meant to. but why you’d even slipped and call him by another name in the first place worried him. it took him only a few seconds for his mind to land on bokuto koutarou.

bokuto koutarou, one of the top aces.

“well fuck you too i guess.” his tone may have been confused with one of anger at first, but you could tell that wasnt it. anger is a secondary emotion, you knew in reality he was hurt.

the only problem is, you didn’t know what. from his words you knew it was something you’d done. but there was nothing that came to mind.

“sorry? what did i do?”

suna hesitated for only a second before asking why you’d called him by another name. he took a deep breath immediately after speaking, your silence only breaking his heart more. as though it wasn’t already destroyed.

but your silence was born from shock and confusion, not being caught like suna had assumed.

“taro. like rintarou. like your name. who else would i be talking about?”

“uhm. koutarou? i don’t know, forget about it.” he’d never felt like a bigger jackass before; he never swore at you.

you smiled a little at his words and walked over to hug him. he hummed at that and pressed a small kiss to your temple, then buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“i didn’t mean to-”

“it’s ok, rin.”

━━ MATTSUN

he had to stop for a moment to let it sink in before he could react

after that there were too many emotions rushing through him to do anything for another few moments

in fact, his silence coupled with the distant, betrayed look on his face was somewhat unsettling

it takes him longer than he would like to question you, but it’s because he’s already preparing to collect his shattered heart after one of his worst fears becomes true

“why are you here?” mattsun heard iwaizumi’s voice and he smiled a little to himself, knowing that he must have been talking to you.

he’d been waiting for you all day, it seemed like forever since he’d last seen you. the only thing he wanted right now was to hold you.

“oh, i’m here to see ‘kawa!” you said happily. mattsun could hear the smile in your voice without even seeing you.

you were here for oikawa. of course you were here for starboy oikawa tooru, of course your boyfriend was just a stepping stone.

he was still frozen when you rounded the corner. the look on his face was concerning, you couldn’t remember the last time — if there ever was one — he’d looked absolutely terrified, the last time he looked so hurt.

“mattsun... are you ok?”

he didn’t answer you. it took him a few moments before he could finally speak, and even then his voice was different than it usually was. it was... pained? betrayed? whatever it was, you knew it wasn’t mattsun.

“did you really come here just to see oikawa? what happened to me being your boyfriend?”

it took you a few moments to try and understand what he was talking about. you’d never said that. hell, you always came for mattsun, not once had you ever spared oikawa a thought.

“no, babe. i said ‘kawa’, as in matsukawa.”

he seemed to melt at your words. that expression disappeared from his face, his body untensing. he moved to pull you into his arms, holding you close to himself with a desperation he’d not had before.

him thumb rubbed soothing circles on your back. you could tell he wanted to say something. but then he stopped right before the words left him, instead opting to make a joke to lift the mood.

“good, i was about to kick oikawa’s ass.”

“...we were having a moment.”

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

After all this time, always the same

Prompt used- kissing the top of other's head| harry and draco finally meet each other years later at a memorial gallery, discovering some buried promises |

" I actually did not know Colin was this good " Harry said impressed as they walked the gallery

" really, who knew that kid was really good " Ron hummed.

" i miss that kid " Harry said as he drown in reminiscents of everyone who died in the war

" I am sure it would mean a great deal that you're here Harry. He always looked upto to you, he lived a nice life " Denis smiled at harry before he departed to he other batch of visitors. It was almost 10 years after war when one day a bunch of Hogwarts student's had received an invitation to the colin memorial gallery. Dennis, his brother had managed to construct certain photographs Colin had taken before he died and decided to put it into his memorial. Apparently Colin always wanted something like that, but his gallery Would've been incomplete if the people he had photographed had not shown up, so this was the reason why a bunch of Hogwarts student's had been given a free pass as a contribution to his memory. Harry was however saddened by the absence of colin. After all this time he still misses all those who died a lot. He learnt it the hard way that he will probably never forget any of them but he can manage to live with it.

It was however surprising how amazingly brilliant Colin's skills were. Nobody knew he had even taken their pictures secretly and it were all too great.

" hey, theres us " Ron said a little too loudly, much to anyone's liking. Harry gave them all a small apologetic smile before he joined Ron to see the photograph hanging over the wall of him, Ron and Hermione.

" seems like a different era, doesn't it ?" Ron nostalgically said.

Hermione nodded besides him as she put her head over Ron's shoulder. 10 years and they're still in love like they were when they were kids. Harry had always been fond of their relationship, not because it's his friends but because of everything it was built upon, the love they have is just for each other, and there probably had never existed other who had walked upon earth who they'd love them more than they loved each other.

" there's you " Ron suddenly pointed a small picture on the bottom

" oh yeah- that's me " harry carefully looked at his solo photograph. He wasn't particularly attentive, looking in some other direction as if he was watching out for something.

" that's forbidden forest " Hermione peeped carefully at the picture

" It might be the courtyard " Harry interjected as he took a few steps away to look at a few more pictures to avoid their questions.

" but harry I'm sure it's forbidden forest, it's the same place where sir- where you fought those dementors, I'm sure " Hermione egged on

" I'm not saying it might not be, might be. I wandered off a lot during 5th year but I'm pretty sure it must've been just the courtyard, Colin wouldn't probably enter the forest " Harry made a point with raised eyebrows. Hermione didn't seem to believe yet nodded forcefully, dropping the matter.

" there's a tons of pictures of you guys here " Someone said from behind Harry and before he had time to register to who it was, his fingers were already intertwined with someone and by the touch, he just knew it was Ginny.

" well he was quite a fan of me " harry smirked at his fiance.

" but still. It's like you were his personal models. Gotta agree though, he was great " Ginny said as she looked at the wall in front of them.

" he was " Harry hummed and walked alongside the rest of the gallery with them.

It wasn't until Ginny got bored of looking at plain walls just with pictures, she left to chat with other people. Hermione and Ron had collected themselves to the other part of the gallery, conversing with a few people. That meant Harry was left alone and he found it quite relieving even if he loved all of them.

He had reached the last of the gallery when his eyes fell upon the same blonde head he had abstained himself from seeing in years. Hundreds of flashbacks flashed back as he tried not to stare at him. It had been years yet even now if Harry passed by him, he'd know he still smells the same. As if he too had sensed Harry's presence, he looked away from the picture to his direction. They only locked eyes for a moment, a moment of weakness before Harry nodded and walked away. He sighed as he walked away, it has been so long, so long yet this feeling doesn't change. He thought staying away would change but it hadn't helped, not a lot to be precise.

Harry walked away deeper in the gallery until he reached the last of halls and stopped there, right there at the last picture. It was the last picture Colin had clicked after which only his broken camera's were set. Harry would be lying if he said he wasn't stunned to see the last picture. It was so weirdly ironic how the last photograph from Colin's collection was the picture marked with the symbolic representation of end of certain other things. Harry longingly stared at the picture, the moment running on his mind like a music reel

" this seems nice doesn't it ?" He asked

" it's more than nice Draco " Harry had replied

" Harry- i-" but he closed his mouth

" what ?" Harry asked him to continue when he was rendered speechless

" nothing " Draco sighed as he leaned back on the tree

" go on, tell me " Harry said as he climbed forward towards him

Draco stared at him long enough as though he was memorising harry deep within his heart.

" you're going to love me the same, right ?" He finally asked.

Harry stared at him, more confused than ever before he cupped Draco's face and said " of course Draco, always the same way "

" even if I do the most wrong in the world ?" Draco asked a strange shadow of sadness covering his eyes, obstructing Harry from reading his eyes.

" you- I- I-"

" it's hard to say ?" Draco asked almost hurt

" Draco, I believe you. I love you, I'll always love you the same way but the definition of most wrong depends on a lot of things but I believe in you, I know you wouldn't do anything that would be the most wrong thing to me in the world" Harry gave him a comforting smile . When Draco didn't say anything he climbed into Draco's lap and rested his head against his Chest, hearing the rapid heartbeats.

" you're afraid of something Draco " Harry said as he analysed his heart rate

" I'm afraid of the ruins " Draco truthfully answered because he was aware of everything he was supposed to be doing.

" ruins ?" Harry asked confused, craning his neck up to look at him, only to find Draco looking far away. He seemed lost.

" we can never be wholly together Harry, I'm always afraid, every moment of my life when I'm with you..I'm afraid you'll wake up from this dream and realise it's all ruins " Draco answered, his lips trembling a bit. Harry snuggled in closer to his chest, he knew he was right..

" you're not a ruined man Draco and this isn't ruins to me " Harry Answered

" am I not ?" Draco asked looking hurt

" y- you're not a ruined man but even if you are, you are my ruined man and I promise to love you the same way, everyday even if this doesn't work out, you get me ?" Harry asked empathetically.

" you must be a fool to fall in love with me " Draco finally said after a few minutes smiling down at harry.

Sensing the light tone Harry smiled up at him " then I am your fool "

" I'd rather never wake up from this dream " Draco smiled at harry lovingly then kissed on the top of his head and just then they heard a shuttering sound, startling them awake from their moment.

If only harry had known what was to happen, he'd had never gotten up and ran for the sound but he had and it had ruined millions of memories that could've been made.

" it's a beautiful picture" a familiar voice said behind Harry. He didn't need to turn around to know who it belonged to, he had grown up Being fond of it.

" while It lasted " Harry replied turning his head to find Draco was now standing next to him

" broken promises, some thing huh"

" I know I kept mine " Harry whispered avoiding looking Draco in the eye

" did you ?" Draco retaliated

" I always did " Harry replied more seriously now than before.

" oh hey, it's the same picture from your albums Harry- didn't see you there malfoy, g-good to see you " Ron suddenly appeared from behind them

" you never really talk about him. One boyfriend huh " Ron added Patting Harry on his back.

" it's because of the ruins " Harry replied smiling at Ron.

Draco turned his head towards Harry that it almost snapped. Harry had already been looking at him when he did, and for a moment just for a moment, everything had vanished from the room except them. The people here didn't matter, it was just them, finally away in their isolation Just with each other without their ruins. It was a moment of weakness where they smiled at each other knowingly that after all this time, always the same.

" Harry, it's your boyfriend from sixth year, the one in the album-"

" Draco, it's the picture from the album, your boyfriend-"

Astoria and Ginny's simultaneously said.

Requests open

Day 25- perfect birthday plans | Day 27- Harry's dance partner

[wastedyouth-wasteddreams]

@simnellVP art

“Seems we have trouble coming...or company at the very least” 

He didn’t falter from the delicate work around his patients shoulder, he was so calmly spoken, that the guy coming to on his chair almost didn’t absorb the meaning of his words. 

“uh?” came the baffled slow response as he looked to Vik, who was finishing up cauterizing near his clavicle. The patient heard a *thu-dunk* from the entrance to the shop. 

Vik didn’t even flinch as he heard the gate swung open and crashing into the storage cage. 

“Theres only one person who bombs down those stairs like a gorilla in heat”...he raised his voice, so it was loud enough to hear from the doorway, but still focusing on his work. Though if he were to look a little closer, his client would have noticed a restrained smirk creeping up on Vik’s  face. 

“Maybe I'll get paid this time though” He remarked as he spun around just in time to see her strutting over to his desk, as if she owned the place. She placed some things on his desk then turned on her heels and clasped the edge to pull herself up to a backwards perch. She arched her back and leant forward as she looked toward Vik to flash him a smile. *shit* 

“Sorry Vik” she stammered, eyes wide with embarassment. She wasn’t expecting him to be with a patient, usually Misty would tell her...*fuck* she thought to herself. Misty wasn’t even there to tell be able her, why didn't she consider this.

Her eyebrows knotted in her over thinking. *and now I'm just sat here like an idiot. An idot who owes him many many eddies. Some kind of annoying bag of crushing hormones* 

“Grab me that rag will ya, kid?’ He interrupted her train of thought, pointing past her.  

“we’re about finished up anyhow...to what do I owe the pleasure?”  

He spun back around and started to turn off the monitors on his patient, who was now fully awake and tracing the steps of the unknown visitor.

He always knew how to calm her. Even when he didn't know that she was berating herself internally, he just knew that a few calmed words from his mouth would always bring her vibe back to where it should be.

“I wish lovely women brought me bottles of whisky at work Doc... “ He spoke softly at Vik, so that she didn’t hear as she approached. 

“You know what happened last time this brat brought me whisky? A half hour consult ended up with me elbow deep in hydrophobic grease for 4 hours...took me the better part of the next morning to recalibrate my exoglove. Its bribery is what it is.” He felt a hand grasping his shoulder and giving him a little squeeze, and a towel was left draping on his neck

“Chest plate looks nova. That what you guys did today?” She nodded at Viks latest work. Vik knew he did a pretty good job, and he was humble about it, but for some reason he felt proud when she said that. Not like she hadn't seen his work before, most of her chrome was introduced with her sat in that very chair in fact. There was something nice about hearing her praises though.

As he started to wipe his elbows and forearms, he caught his patients gaze, locked onto the jeans she was wearing, and how they hugged her ass. He was pretty sure he could see the guys eyes moving from one side to the next as her slow meander made her ass bounce ever so slightly with every step toward the desk.

"Steady on there choom. She could put you back in this chair quick as you can blink" Vik didn't realise he was even saying the words as they left his mouth. He felt himself blushing...wait. No. He wasn't blushing. He was feeling anger. This fucking guy. He was eating into Viks clock out time. He was sat on viks chair. He was staring at viks girl. *fuck vik* he scolded himself for feeling possessive of her and lightly shook his head to himself.

"Sorry man...didn't know you guys were a thing." His client chirped back at him. 

"Nothin' like that. I just know her. Pretty well actually" he said as he stood up and walked the client away from the halogen lights.

Vik carefully watched this guys every move as he got closer to her. 

"Thats a good whisky you bought there" the client tried to earn her favour and Viks new hatred grew with every word coming from his gonk mouth. 

"Hands off champ. That one's mine" vik almost growled the words, but was hoping they came across more jovial than they were ment. His anger built as he saw this gonk lean over her shoulder. He pulled a card from his jacket and Vik heard his next attempt.

"if you ever fancy dropping whisky at my office, or you wanted to get dinner or something". She didn't even hear his dodgy come on, her heart had started flutters when she heard Vik note his displeasure. She imagined for a moment that he meant SHE was his, instead of the whisky. She played the loop in her head *that one's mine*.

Vik stood up, unaware of what he thought he would do. His left hand closed into a fist, and his face started to burn. In his mind he was giving this fucker a count of 3 to start walking out, before he ushered him out.

3....

Nope. Still there

2...

Gonk was now reaching to touch her hand

1...

"OK, off you go. If she wants, she can call, but I'm clocking out" 

She could hear his boots stomping the ground as Vik strode toward her. It took him long enough. This dick was seriously trying to hit on her in Viks surgery.  She wondered if this was some sort of brotherly affection, or if it could possibly be jealousy. Whatever it was, it certainly perked her mood up to see him have such a strong reaction.

"Oh that there is mad Vik!" She smiled and nodded to the gate "if he doesn't get fed soon , he's likely to get real angry" she laughed out as the customer walked as swiftly as possible through the gates.

Viks heart fluttered back into his chest when he saw her throw the card into the waste. He couldn't believe that feeling. The guy was a nice customer, but as soon as he saw that guy staring. It just shook him, he felt like he used to before a fight. Adrenalin surged through his muscles, but this time with no where to use it.

His thought was interupted when a whisky bottle was thrust within a foot of his face, a cheeky smile hidden behind it, sat under bright wide eyes and a raised happy brow.

"Happy Birthday Vik. Legal to drink now finally?" She smirked at his frown, knowing her jibes at his age were always a sure way to bait him.

He had forgotten it was his birthday. Intentionally.

"My favourite. How did you know?" He cooed jokingly. She bought it. Every. Time.

"I just buy it 'cause it says 'Dickin'" she shrugged and handed him a box with a bow that she had been hiding behind her back. The box was just brown cardboard, with a velvet black bow barely keeping the flaps closed but it sort of reminded him of how her apartment smelt, and how she was kind of like a brown cardboard box, with a velvet ribbon...or some shit. He had no idea but he knew there was a metaphore there somewhere. It just reminded him of her for some reason. 

"Whats this?"

" Well it's just a box until you open it Doc" she took it from his hands and laid it down on the desk. He was still gloved up and she was cautious of him dropping the box. She frowned softly at him. 

"Take off the scissorhand first. Then you unwrap. Then we drink."

He let out a heavy breath through a contented smile, and found himself looking forward to slumping on the couch out back with such wonderful company. 

"Ok." He really didn't know what could be in that bloody box though. It was a rectangle, about the same length and width of his hand about 5 inches high, and it was a little heavy, but didn't make a noise when it moved. It's probably something for surgery, he thought to himself as he turned to the back.

"Come on then kid. I ain't drinking stood up" he reached out and threw his right arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his chest tightly. He could feel her warm breath through his shirt as he playfully lifted her from the ground with one strong arm.

His muscles flexed around her and she felt her toes lifting to the air. Her inner eye brows raised and she let out a near silent giggle into him. She felt a soft kiss on the top of her head before he dropped her back to the floor. 

More to come....

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 1

Summary: Your past with Chris catches up with you.

A/N: Can’t say more than that or it gives stuff away! 😂 Taglist is open, if 

you want to be added let me know 💕

After a long day working at the local coffee shop the last thing i wanted to do was go to a club! But it was Sadie's leaving party so i had to make an appearance or id never hear the end of it.

It had actually been a really fun night, my first night out in what felt like years and after a few drinks i let myself enjoy it. I even had a couple of guys offer to buy me a drink! Just after midnight i caught a taxi home and left the younger girls to carry on with their partying..... how they did it i don't know! Most of them had had far too much to drink already and no intention of stopping any time soon. God i miss the days where i could do that!

When i finally got home i dropped my bag and my jacket next to the front door, went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and headed up to bed. I managed to throw on an oversized t-shirt before crashing face first into bed, the make up removal would have to wait til the morning i was too exhausted to care.

I woke up to my cell phone blaring loudly in my ear, i patted around for it keeping my eyes closed already feeling the hangover! I mumbled a 'hello' then heard the soft chuckle of my mom.

"Had a good night did you?"

"Mmm it was okay, i'm so not used to drinking anymore Ma. How do people do this every weekend?" I moaned as i slowly opened one eye then the other.

"I remember when you'd be out every weekend, you even ended up in Vegas that one weekend...."

"I remember believe me!" I said as i finally sat up grabbing the bottle of water from the bedside cabinet draining half of it.

"I was just wondering what time you were coming over?.... you said 10am but its almost lunch time"

"What??!! are you serious?.... shit. Okay let me go get a cup of coffee and take a quick shower and i'll be there"

"Okay sweetheart, no rush"

"Everything's okay?"

"Yeah yeah all good. I'll see you soon"

"Okay, bye mom".

I had just finished my coffee and was heading upstairs for a shower when the doorbell rang. I was going to ignore it but then whoever it was started knocking.

"Jesus.... give me a second" i muttered marching to the front door, i opened the door just a crack hiding behind the door due to my lack of pants! When i looked through the gap i gasped.... the last person i ever expected to see was stood on my doorstep.

"Chris...."

"Hey" he smiled nervously "sorry for just showing up like this but i didn't have your number. I tried calling the one i had for you but it was out of service"

"Yeah i had to change it a few years back..... wh...what are you doing here Chris?"

"Can we talk inside?.... i don't really wanna do this through a crack in your door" he laughed a little but it was more of a nervous laugh.

"Erm, sure can you give me a couple minutes to go put some pants on?... i was just about to get in the shower"

"Sure"

I nodded and closed the door before quickly rushing upstairs and grabbing my jean shorts from the chair where i had discarded them yesterday. I was just about to leave my room when i passed the mirror and caught a glimpse of my reflection "fuck!" I quickly grabbed a makeup remover wipe and cleaned my face of smudged mascara and run a brush through my hair.... it was no good,  the hair could not be saved! I quickly tied it up in a messy bun not minding the loose bits that fell out, it would have to do!

The living room was a mess so i closed the door leaving just the kitchen visible. Then i rushed over to let Chris in before he thought id run off and forgotten about him. He followed me through to the kitchen and took a seat at the table while i made us both a coffee.

"How you been? Its been a while since ive seen you" he asked softly.

"I guess it has been.... erm i'm good" i shrugged casually keeping my attention on the mugs as i made the coffee.

"Im glad. Seemed like you disappeared off the face of the planet, you just left. No one heard from you...."

"It was for the best, fresh start and all that"

"Im sorry for how we... how i left things"

I shrugged shaking my head

"you really don't have to apologise Chris, you made a choice...."

"A stupid choice..... i was young and very stupid...."

"Whats done is done, theres no point rehashing it... its been almost 7 years i'm over it" i scoffed picking up the mugs and joining him at the table.

"You are?"

"Of course!"

"Thats great" he nodded avoiding eye contact.

"Okay so spill it.... i don't mean to sound rude but i've got somewhere i need to be soon and i'm already running late....."

"Still cant handle your drink huh?" He finally looked at me smirking.

"Apparently not.... how'd you know?"

"Ive seen you hungover enough to know the signs, the hair and the face full of smudged makeup...."

"you saw that huh?"

"Yeah" he chuckled looking me over.

"So....."

"Right... i um....i need you to sign this" He said reaching inside his jacket and pulling out some papers.

"Sign what?..... what could you possibly need me to sign?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he pushed the papers across the table to me. I leaned forward to get a better look and the first thing my eyes landed on... "Petition For Divorce".

I felt my heart start to race as i looked up at Chris..... "what is this? I signed these 7 years ago Chris!"

"I know. I never filed them"

"What?! you mean we're still married?!"

"Yeah"

"Why? You told me you'd take care of it all...."

"And i was gonna, but i couldn't bring myself to do it"

"Jesus christ Chris!"

"Im sorry Y/N" he started to say but I shook my head as i got up to get a pen, when i sat back down and signed them without hesitation Chris made this noise, like i had offended him by signing the divorce papers without an argument.

"What?"

"Nothing, its just you signed them pretty quickly...."

"Chris, i signed these 7 years ago when i loved you.. why wouldn't i sign them again? There's no reason not to..... what we had has been over for years"

"I just thought maybe somewhere down the line we'd work things out"

"I didn't. Any thoughts of us working out ended when you broke up with me because your career was taking off and you liked the attention from all the girls"

"I was an idiot i know, i was just a kid...."

"Bullshit! If you were old enough to get married....you were old enough to know what you were doing".

He looked down shaking his head again, he actually looked ashamed of how he had acted. Maybe he had grown up.

My phone started ringing and i saw my mom's name flashing on the front.

"Hey mom..... oh god, yeah okay.... i'll be there in like 15 minutes i promise" i hung up after saying goodbye to her.

"Im sorry, but i've got to go. You got what you wanted" i shrugged pointing at the papers on the table, he folded them neatly and tucked them back inside his jacket.

"Thank you"

"Can i ask you something?"

"Anything"

"Why now? You didn't bother for 7 years"

"Ive been seeing someone..... its getting kinda serious now...."

"Right, i get it. Your ready for a new wife...." i shook my head suddenly feeling very sad about my past life with Chris "i didn't even get the chance to be your wife.... not really. That ain't worth shit" i pointed towards his jacket where i knew the papers were.

"Its not like that Y/N i swear, i just.... i want the option to be there if the time comes"

"Well i hope it works out better for you this time. Look i have to go......"

"Right okay, sorry. I'll get out of your way" he got up quickly and followed me through the kitchen and to the front door.

"It was good to see you, make sure you file those this time" i said as he walked towards his car.

"You got it, it was great seeing you too" he smiled before getting in his car and driving off.

"Hey Ma!" I called walking into my mom's house.

"Your late" she called from the sofa, i made my way to her and dropped down next to her.

"I know im sorry, you'll never guess who just turned up at my house??!"

"Who?"

"He who shall not be named!" I said quietly, my mom's eyes widened as she gasped "you mean...."

"Yep!" I nodded "turns out we've been married the last 7 years! He never filed.... he came by to ask me to sign them again"

"That boy has some nerve showing up here...."

"Yep"

"Did you sign them?"

"Of course i did"

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, just like that" i shrugged "like i told him, i already thought it was done and over with, i haven't seen him in 7 years.... why wouldn't i sign them"

"Sweetheart....." my mom started to say something but was interrupted by the excited yell of 'MOM!" right before a small body crashed into mine.

"Hey buddy" i laughed hugging my baby close "have you been behaving for nana?"

"Yep, i'm always good" he rolled his eyes before wrapping his arms around me "i missed you mom"

"I saw you yesterday baby" i chuckled running my hand through his brown hair before kissing the top of his head.

"I still missed you"

"Awww ain't you cute! I missed you too".

"Hey! I thought you liked staying with me? We had so much fun" my mom said trying to act offended but smiled when Mason started laughing.

"We had fun Nana, but i missed my mom" he looked up at me with his big blue eyes and i felt my heart swell with love for my baby boy.... well he wasn't a baby anymore, it was hard to believe he'd be turning 6 in a few days.... how time flies.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

[iwajima]

don’t hate me. (akaashi keiji x m!reader)

summary: you push your feelings down for akaashi for so long that you’ve forgotten every loving memory of him. until, he reminds you.

a/n: this is so bad bc i didn’t edit this at all and theres probably a lot of typo’s but (*´꒳`*) i felt like writing a self indulgent soft fic before sleeping

warnings: nothings really, fluff and anxiety(?)

status : unedited / 1.9k

You honestly didn’t know when your love for Akaashi bloomed in a romantic way. After all these years of being his close friend, you both shared moments that an average person would label as romantic, but to you both it was just friendship. From sleeping together cuddled in the same bed to gifting each other on special days to sunset picnics after practice. Either you two were oblivious or the world was too strict on defining what romance is.

But now you know, you love Akaashi. Seeing him be confronted by a girl with a love letter in her hand made your heart prick with jealousy. Your eyes couldn’t stop glaring at the girl, the thought of her having a chance with him bubbled anxiety that you pushed down and denied. You didn’t even notice that your face was strewn with furrows when Konoha slaps your back.

“Oi, y/n-chan what’s that look on you face?” He looks at your ridiculous expression before following your eyes, when he sees who they’re set on he puts two and two together.

Konoha whistles before snickering at you. Despite Akaashi’s faint body language of disinterest, you still believed in the possibility of him reciprocating the girl’s feelings.

“This is some entertaining shit, don’t tell me you like her–“ You roll your eyes at him, ignoring his teasing, he clearly lacked awareness of how much his words could have affected you.

When you turn around, trying to get away from the scene before you, Konoha follows suit and babbles on about other things. You didn’t blame her, Akaashi was growing into his features and that brought a lot of attention from shallow girls. You just didn’t like the idea of him sharing his love. In your little fumbled head, that meant you weren’t important enough for him to give all his love to.

You spend the day almost ignoring him, which was stupid of you considering if you were losing him you should be trying to win his attention again. But you needed some time to let your brain think.

The rest of your classmates file out as the day ends and you’re left with Akaashi, who’s on cleaning duty with you. Had you not been jealous of the girl due to the entire situation that morning, the atmosphere wouldn’t have been uncomfortable and awkward, at least for you.

“Hey, y/n I haven’t seen you all day, are you okay?” He speaks up when the last student leaves.

He approaches you, placing a hand on your shoulder. You had your head resting on your arms as your face was nuzzled into the inside of your elbow. When you don’t respond, he moves to the other side to place himself in your line of view. You had your eyes closed, but Akaashi had a suspicion that you were well awake.

“Alright then, I guess you’re going to leave me to do all the cleaning.” He laughs, gently patting your shoulder.

You felt guilty, letting him do all the work, but that kinda meant he’s stuck with you a little longer and you were fine with that. The sounds of his soft humming almost made you fall asleep. His voice was soothing, it almost made you cry. Your sudden yearning for his touch confused you, why were you suddenly crushing on Akaashi?

The constant thinking had actually made you fall asleep. The last thought made you fall asleep to a comforting feeling. You had thought of Akaashi and that was bound to make you get a good nap. Just as you were beginning to float to dream land, you were woken up by a hand stroking your hair.

“Y/n, we gotta go now, it’s getting late.” He smiled at you, you looked so peaceful sleeping.

It took you a second to realize you had fallen asleep, but the drowsiness soon left when you see Akaashi looking at you, his proximity a little closer than you thought.

“You owe me one for making me clean everything, luckily the room wasn’t as messy as it usually is.”

You both silently walk home together. Luckily, volleyball practice wasn’t on, so you were able to go home and drown in your sorrows. Your overthinking was broken by Akaashi’s voice slicing through the quiet.

“Hey, are you still sleeping over tonight? we’re still going to the city tomorrow right?” He asks, eyeing your fatigued expression.

“Oh shit– I completely forgot.” You say with wide eyes, realizing you should’ve packed for a sleepover.

“You dumbass, you can borrow my clothes remember? I got extra towels and a toothbrush too. Where has your head been? you seem off today.” He says in worry.

You brush it off, saying you didn’t have the best sleep because you were up too late. He was right, usually you weren’t this… awkward. All your manoeuvres were hesitant and your demeanour was not the usual chill guy he knew. You curse at yourself for not being able to mask your emotions.

But man it felt nice to be sleeping in Akaashi’s bed again. Everytime you inhaled, all you could smell was him. You could almost doze off from it alone, but you wanted to stay awake a little longer to bask in his company. He was curled facing you, one of his legs was resting above yours. You weren’t sure if he was asleep or not. You were face to face with him, noses a few inches away, you didn’t want to stare too long just in case he opened his eyes but you couldn’t.

Your eyes travel from his long lashes, to the tip of his cute little nose, before settling onto his smooth lips that were slightly pouting. You were so close you could kiss him, but that would be weird. Your thoughts fought with each other as it raced with scenarios that could happen.

What were you saying? You can’t keep thinking about this, Akaashi’s your friend and has been since you were in kindergarten. You didn’t even know if he liked guys. Right… if you were to tell him, he would probably call you a freak and a stalker.

The thoughts keep flooding and some hurt more than others. You turn to face the wall, letting a few drops of tears fall. You tried your best to not let out a sound but you couldn’t stop yourself from sniffling. Just as you were about to fall asleep, a voice erupts from behind you.

“Y/n are you jealous of Keiko?”

You freeze. Why would he be saying that? Did he see you stare? Or were you really that obvious? You didn’t know how to respond, you didn’t even want to move. The sound of your heart was beating so loud in your ears that it made you panic even more.

“If you’re wondering why I’m asking you, I’ve known you since we were 4.” His voice was quiet, only loud enough for you to hear, and it sent chills up your spine.

By now your eyes were wide, tears streaming down even more. You bite your lip to prevent your breathing shake. You really couldn’t come up with a response. He continues when you don’t reply.

“It’s been a year, you seriously think I wouldn’t notice?”

Akaashi knows when you gaze at him, but he never meets your eyes. He notices the hugs that were a little longer than usual. He notices your touches grow more and more frequent each time you meet whether it be a faint brush of your fingers when you pass him something or you placing a firm hand in his shoulder as you great him when you arrive to class in the morning.

A year? Had it really been a year. Were you really in love with him this entire time, did you forget or were you oblivious by your own feelings that you couldn’t see how you were acting around him? You wanted to turn and see the look on his face, it was probably disgust. You can’t tell if he’s upset or not, his speech was affected by his tiredness.

“You don’t remember do you?”

Remember?

Akaashi did feel a tinge of disappointment when he saw your lack of response. Maybe you were mad at him because he let that girl Keiko talk to him longer than needed. Maybe you were mad at him because maybe you do remember and he wasn’t showing signs of what he swore he felt. He just wanted you to talk to him.

“I know I should stop letting these girls give me love letters, but I hoped you would’ve stepped in for me and say that I'm not interested. Is that strange?”

He sighs, you haven’t moved an inch. He was hesitant, but he moved closer to you, close enough to feel the heat radiate off your body. Maybe he shouldn’t have confronted you about this, it felt like wrong timing.

“Remember that night you stole alcohol from your parents? You were pissed drunk, maybe they weren’t true words but you said…”

You felt shame creep up to you, a frown settled on your face at your failure to remember. You knew you shouldn’t have drunk most of the bottle.

“You told me that you were in love with me.”

Oh.

Maybe you did remember. You probably shoved that memory down subconsciously to prevent yourself from being embarrassed, you remember, it was a clear small chunk of memory. You also remember the amount of girls you hooked up with to prevent yourself from falling for Akaashi even more, but it obviously didn’t work, you only wanted him even more because those girls weren’t him.

“Do you… you know what nevermind. I’m sorry if you found this weird, forget I said anything–“

“Akaashi.”

You finally turn, eyes slightly red from crying. He was so pretty under the moonlight, his upturned brows and wide worried eyes made your heart skip a beat. You would be lying if you didn’t want to suffocate him in a hug right then and there.

“Tell me what you said that night.” Your voice was stern, but you could tell that you were trying to hide a cry.

“I’m sure you remember–“

“I want to hear you say it again.”

You pull yourself closer to him, eyes never leaving his as you search for something within. You cup his cheek, inching your face closer and closer. Akaashi feels his cheek heat up. Luckily, you couldn’t see his blush under the blue tones from the night.

He hesitates, but says it clearly. The words replayed in your head over and over, you have to make sure you heard it correctly and you weren’t hallucinating. Instead of heartbreak, you felt relief. It wasn’t what you expected for him to feel.

“I love you.”

You wasted no time in pressing your lips against his. And oh how it felt so good to finally be able to do so. Every single memory of your display of affection towards him flashed in your mind. You had been practically hinting at it, but you denied your feelings and called it friendliness.

If you could have a moment you could replay on a loop when you died, it would be this one. You lay almost on top of him with your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. Your leg was placed across his thighs as your arm was resting on his chest, your hand tangled in his hair.  

This was the intimacy you craved, and so did he.