#my hands don't hurt so much anymore!!

[whytedd]

I'm still doesn't know how to use tumblr but i'm tryin'!!

hehe I'm not sure if i should to upload this type of draws (wips) but they're look cute so I think i'll do

[lazylittledragon]

ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:

i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???

[kirby-the-gorb]

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[manasurge]

Tis' the season where I mentally and physically suffer. Complaining below (feel free to ignore, I'm just venting. I usually do this every year to get most of it out of my system lol):

mmm the fall/winter SAD is indeed in full swing. No warmth + no sun = a bad bad time. I always get so annoyed when ppl assume that I love winter bc I'm a "winter baby", as if that has any sort of divine intervention on instantaneously adapting you to perfectly fit the climate you were born in. NOPE. Silly human superstition. I start to freeze once it hits below 20C. I wish I lived in a warmer climate o|-< The depresso is probably going to make me very whiny and moody until next spring, so an early forewarning bc I'm EXTREMELY annoying about it this time of year bc it's the only way I know how to deal with it. But moreso in addition to the physical stuff is how badly it messes with my mind, making me so depressed to the point of just... sitting in non-moving silence where I become stiff as a board (very painful btw) and I isolate, making the bad depresso brain time even worse where I overthink everything bc of the silence and isolation. It's also always the time of year where everyone goes quiet too, which is understandable, but also makes things 10x worse (I am very alone in my life and where I am, and kind of rely on online friends bc they're all I have. I don't even have a pet. I'm literally just, loner mode. I don't really have much family to speak of, and only one family member I do speak to. I have little to no connections at all. But regardless, this is still the best living situation I've been in my whole life, so that's saying something).

[glimpseofsanity]

Can't wait for the day to end so I can sleep. Wasn't expecting to feel this bad and for my hand to hurt this much already after a couple of days of work.

[what-if-i-dee-eye-do]

I know I promised myself I wouldn't ever try to kill myself again but like. hee hoo

[letsoulswander]

Honestly I've taken several first aid courses as well as uncertified first aid refreshers and no one EVER tells you to pack a wound. That's just... You're running a huge risk of infection and introducing foreign material to a place it shouldn't be. I resent being called an "idiot sandwich" by a haha funny big blog for saying this.

[mannatea]

Hi! For the ask game: 🌈 💞 🪄

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Hoo boy. Yeah. Three fics.

Fireside Dreams. The original was written in 2008 and this rewrite done in 2020. The rewrite was extensive and I DO MEAN EXTENSIVE. In 2008 I was well into adulthood already (lol) but I didn't have a great grasp of who I was as a person yet. I don't mean this in any sort of negative way, but Oscar as a character always spoke to me deeply and it wasn't until I rewatched and reread RoV in 2020 that it hit me square in the face why that was. In my rewrite of this story, I managed to convey a lot of themes I was incapable of putting words or solid feelings to back in 2008, and I wrote Oscar as asexual. I never outright stated it in the story or the notes (because I wanted my readers to feel they could kind of choose that specific for themselves) but that was where my mind was when writing it. Also, I very much wanted to hint at The Incident Scene being as complex as I view it, so I was able to do that too, something I could have NEVER put into words in 2008.

If It Takes a Lifetime. I was actually very happy with the original story, also posted in 2008. The original was more or less a cathartic love letter to the fans; it was my definitive proof that the author knew what she was doing by ending the series the way she did. When I reread it to work on, though, I found that the original was a classic example of what a friend criticized my writing for, once ("too emotional"). I reread it in 2020 as my first foray back into writing after some time away, and it was my first RoV rewrite. I found the story felt underdeveloped and a bit uninspired-feeling, and there was a lot of emotion that didn't really feel real or earned (which is something I've trained myself to notice; I did not have this skill in 2008). I also Get the characters in a way I did not in 2008 which helped a lot. In the rewrite I tried to mimic the manga tone more; the French translation (which is all I had until recently lmao) has this sort of...waxing poetic narration and I needed it for this story to work. I also had to retool basically the whole thing due to the PoV moving from omniscient to limited and the aforementioned issues. Rewriting this damn thing was a labor of love if ever there was one. I was so happy with this rewrite that in my notes I said it felt more like a Rose of Versailles fic than any other RoV story I wrote.

A Rose Is a Rose Is a Rose. I probably should not have labeled this a romance; it's more character study + friendship than anything but sometimes I'm stupid. Anyway, this was the first extensive rewrite I did since 2020 and it was pretty much a complete retooling of the original story, which had a fun premise but was way too short to make the idea work properly. This one was another serious labor of love; the story concept was good but the actual structure had to be tossed out, so I had to more or less just write a whole new story while still keeping the parts of the original that worked for me. And while I was at it I made certain it acted as a bridge to Raine's skit with Regal (where they agree that Lloyd surviving is of the utmost importance) as well as an easier segue into her ending, since I felt the game did a poor job of getting us from "she lied about her identity" to "she's so comfortable with it now she's out trying to end discrimination." (Not that the game did a great job with like, any of the character endings save a few, though lol.)

--

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

This is tough because it depends on the story.

Short pieces: Characterization > Metaphors Make Sense > Technical Stuff > Plot > Worldbuilding

Longer works: Characterization > Plot > Worldbuilding > Technical Stuff > Metaphors Make Sense

Like obviously if the technical stuff is dogshit people won't read the story at all, but if we're just talking a few nitpicky details, they matter a lot less in a long fic than in a short one. In a short story you're presenting a bite-sized (or like, cupcake-sized) piece for your reader, and the things that matter in the short-term have to be the most important (like, it's a short story...please edit it before posting, it takes a few minutes to look for typos). I think having a technically sound story is important no matter what but sometimes in long stories you do miss a small thing here or there.

I don't think a short story needs much or any real worldbuilding to be great. Obviously these details are nice in short bursts and fun to see, but they can also REALLY bog down a story if you include too many or the intention is to present something short & punchy. For a long story though, you DO need it, and depending on the canon you're writing for, you may need a lot of it to keep your readers engaged, to help your characters feel more grounded in the world, and/or to help the world feel real.

Metaphors making sense is ranked higher in the short story section because this is where they are most often encountered. It's very very noticeable if you make a terrible metaphor and that metaphor is the crux of the whole 2,000 word long story you're writing. In a long fic you don't see a lot of metaphors generally (and I find most of them just make the story a slog to read) so it's not that big of a deal because you probably won't even use them.

Plot ranks high with longer works because it's literally the second biggest reason people are reading the story. For shorter pieces it's quite low because there is always an audience for pwp and WAFF, which oftentimes have little or no plot.

Characterization remains #1 because nothing jolts me out of a story faster than characters feeling unlike themselves. I understand that sometimes people do drastic AUs and that's great, but if a character I love doesn't feel like the character I love anymore, then I'm out; it's just a personal preference for me. That said, in most situations, characterization makes or breaks any story. Plot matters a lot in a long story but the characterization will always matter more. I'd rather read a basic bitch plot with great characterization than a god-tier plot with mediocre characterization. Also, I do not think this can be overstated, but this is fandom and people are here for the characters; they should ALWAYS matter the most in this medium.

--

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

I tried to take a break since I finished writing Break Open the Sky and I've just been bored out of my damn mind, honestly. Started planning the sequel because I can't take it.

Usually when I write something and post it, I just do something else for a while: watch a movie, play a game. I'm an idiot who can't stop working on things to do simple tasks like eat or shower (hyperfocus or die), so usually when I finish something extensive I go look at something that isn't a screen for a while and shower, put in eyedrops, do a load of laundry or vacuum, and get myself something to eat.

Also my biggest writing care tip is CUT YOUR FINGERNAILS. Especially if you're a fast typist like me or if you have arthritis—or there's a history of arthritis in your family (osteo or rheumatoid). Got this advice years ago from @kippielovesyou, I think before a NaNoWriMo; it had never really occurred to me before but now if my hands hurt too quickly I cut my nails and feel like a brand new person again. It's truly wild.

Most touch typists like me use touch so extensively that when our nails get too long we have to use more pressure to feel. To be clear, I'm worse off than most people because I have the aforementioned arthritis + nerve damage in my hands (I have very very little feeling in the tips of my fingers), so I notice the extra pain in my joints very quickly BUT!! It could be a gamechanger for anyone, so I like to pass the knowledge on.

If you DO have the start of carpal tunnel or arthritis or tendonitis PLEASEPLEASE for the love of God don't overdo it. You WILL NOT get your hands back. Please. I'm literally begging. I fucked up my hands and arms in a factory years ago and I am not even 40 and have the hands of a 70 year old woman and permanent restrictions to keep my tendons from rupturing. Don't push through pain; it will not get better. I learned this the hard way and I am passing that knowledge on to you guys. Stretch, drink a lot of water, and give your hands a break when you need it!!!!

[cosmojjong]

my grandpa ended up passing away only 11 days after i saw him and what hurts most right now is trying to deal with such a sudden loss and the fact that i can't go to his funeral. i don't know what to do with myself

[artekai]

Even if Bartenak could open up about his issues, would that change anything? I mean, what could he do?

"I feel insecure and taken for granted because I'm one of the only two children in this werak and Artekai is infinitely more talented and special than me and always has everyone's attention on him" bestie you're in the Worship Artekai werak. We worship Artekai here

[hsjxishbeoelwj]

tw: vent post, long long rant/vent post lmao sorry :3 im going through it fr fr!!!! 😜 (this is kinda cringe ngl, lol)

god, please let my sister still feel safe and comfortable around me even when I don't deserve it. She deserves so much more than me and my shit attitude and behavior towards her. She deserves to be loved and get out of this house because she's just a kid, my baby, though she doesn't deserve this life we've built for her. She deserves people who won't yell or snap at her for being a kid. I hope she never fears me. I hope she never feels her stomach churn because of the sound of my voice, and I hope she never knows me by the sound of my footsteps. Because, lord knows she deserves so, so much more. She deserves to feel safe in her own room with out me saying to get out (we share a room). And yet, I still can't help but feel that selfishness that screams at me from the darkest parts of my mind, the ones that scream "kick her out before she ruins the delicate system you have built in this room, she doesn't deserve to be here." And yet, I so desperately want to listen to the much, much smaller voice that says "this is her room to, she deserves to feel safe in here to without feeling like shes walking on eggshells. You swore to yourself that you'd never make her feel the way you did when you were her age. But look at you now. Horrible and basically as bad as you feared you'd be." I hate it. I miss knowing my little sister more than I knew myself. She just wants her big sisters attention. She just wanted my love and validation. I see the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking. I hate it. I hate that she looks at me like I'm not the big sister she wants. I miss when she used to look at me with stars in her eyes and awe in her voice as she screamed my nickname so happily, the nickname only she's allowed to call me. It feels weird when she calls me by my actual name, even when it's not that different. Where was I going with this? I don't know. I just miss my baby sister, my baby. My dear sister. And maybe that's my fault. Scratch that. It most definitely is my fault. I pushed her away because I was scared of hurting her, but I hurt her anyway. It's hard not to when you both have shared a room since she was a baby. I've never had my own space. Maybe that's why I do this. Out of my own selfish desire for privacy. She doesn't deserve this. If only she were born earlier. If only she were closer in age. But, would that have changed things? I don't know. I wish I did. God, or whoevers listening, please, oh please, let there be a universe where I can live my baby sister like she needs me too. Where I'm actually a good sister. Where she doesn't fear my mood swings like they're a knife I'm about to stab her with. Where she never finches away from me in fear of what will happen. Where she never gets that long, sad stare when she thinks we aren't looking. Where I can protect her from all the bad, instead of being the bad she needs shelter from. Please, whoever is listening to this. Please, let there be a universe where I'm not a fucked up little kid who will never know whats wrong with me. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Maybe then I'll stop snapping and hurting the ones I love. I don't want to be my grandma. I don't want to be someone who snaps at the smallest things because they aren't how she left them. I don't want to make my loved ones sick of me because of how I am. I don't want to be someone who is feared by my siblings. I don't want my little baby sister (who is taller than me now? when did that happen?) to flea to her room so her big sister to be better just for her to realize I'm the one she's hiding from. I don't want her to feel like she'll never feel safe around me again. Please, lord, don't let me become like my grandma, who makes everyone drained when she starts talking. Instead, lord, let me be like my mother, the kind soul she is, and let me be an open space where I can't help but spill my guts too.

Please let me be a good sister.

Please don't let me become my grandmother and hers before her.

Please, let me be like my mother.

Pleaee let me baby sister feel like she is not wanted because if my stupid mistakes.

Please let her not take to heart what I said when I was angry and had no control over my words and emotions.

Please let her know that she will always have a place in my heart no matter what.

Please let her know that no matter what I say, her big sister will always love her, even if she doesn't love me.

Please let her know it's never going to be her fault for being and acting like a child, for wanting her big sisters approval.

Please let her know I will never, ever truly hate her (I genuinely don't think I can).

Please, lord above, tell me what's wrong with me so I can fix it and be a better sister to my older and younger siblings. If not, then, please, strike me down and send me to hell.

I can not handle hurting them again. I think it will kill me. I can not handle seeing my family cry because of my stupid, reckless, impulsive actions. I can't do this anymore.

Please let my family know that if I do eventually die by my own hand, it was never their fault. It was mine for being so weak.

Please let my sister know that she will never be at fault for what her big sister did.

Please let my baby, my little sister know that her big sister has always been proud of her.

Please, God, tell me what is wrong with me so that I may fix it.

(perhaps i wasn't cut out to be a sibling..?)

[beast-of-the-void]

.

[featherymainffins]

I thought I would walk some additional 14 km today and thus burn my accidental lunch (caved into peer pressure and went to a restaurant and had a salad instead of eating my perfectly counted can of tuna) and as such I agreed to go have breakfast with some friends tomorrow to celebrate the end of the excursion.

But I did not walk those 14 km because I wasn't able to get water + I just finished 12 hours of lectures + my arches were killing me + it was raining + I wanted to shower + I wanted to study + I was fucking freezing.

Which means I have to punish myself for my lack of discipline and I also have to make up for the food and that means I CANNOT have that breakfast. In fact I cannot have anything. For 2 days. Just to be sure.

So now I'm trying to figure out what lie I can make up. Currently thinking about saying that I just started to feel really nauseous all of a sudden and as such I unfortunately cannot eat breakfast oopsie. It feels really random and not really believable though.

[apple-os]

if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore

this is mostly a joke for the record

ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY

every effort I make means nothing

every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try

i always end up feeling like

nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both

and that maybe that's for the best

[bluastro-yellow]

me when I'm supposed to have an opinion