#my gay agenda at least

[workingforitallthetime]

trevor zegras getting a double minor on pride night for blatantly crosschecking brandon tanev is the gay agenda.

[shiryawashere]

hear me out

[theinfinitedivides]

i uh. well. don't know how to explain why i'm just putting this on your dash without warning but Fighter (2024)'s trailer is out and this one's going to murder me

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.

So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.

[agonizedembrace]

was looking around on the wiki for a bit and

oh ok queen!! we love this for you!!

[ctl-yuejie]

a bit of a reality check here (and yes, i am going to ask this question in a very biased way anyways), but:

AITA for not wanting another date when the woman you’re meeting doesn’t ask any questions about yourself for like the 5 hours you spend together and approx. talks 1/3 about her ex-girlfriend?

When I told her that I wasn’t really thinking about a second date because of it, she said she was too nervous at first (which is true, she almost 180°ed when I met up with her and was too shy to look into my direction for several minutes) and that she prefers to text people for a long time before meeting, which is where she asks about things she’s interested in (we texted for 1.5 months before meeting which isn’t really my style and I was accordingly bad at texting: she texted me good morning and good night everyday and i was happy when i managed to text her and/or reply to her once a day. I like to think that I tried)

but I still feel it is weird to just talk about yourself and your ex (at hour 4 I gave up on talking about myself without any prompt because whatever I said would be the first and last thing we’d exchange on that topic).

in good (?) news: I know get how Uncle Jim in MLC felt, because she still lives with her ex of 5 years and it did come up very often in conversation. While Wen didn’t tell him, Uncle Jim was 100% right that it makes things really tiring because the other person clearly isn’t in the mindset to start sth new.

If anyone is the type to text a lot before meeting someone: anything where this disconnect can be mitigated?

because I always thought it was standard (and at least my preference) to meet up very early to suss out the vibes. But maybe it’d be better in these cases to not start anything when you’re not texting back as frequently in the first place?

[racke7]

So, a long while back I found an author with some interesting world-building ideas. They'd maybe slip into "crack"-territory a bit too often for me to recommend it, but like... I didn't really mind it that much? And they'd written a LOT, so I was running high on that "fics to read"-energy.

Then, a few weeks ago, I came across a scene and-... And it made me start thinking about "the underlying values" of the author. Not in the sense of "they're secretly a Republican" (thank god), but in the sense of an (in hindsight) hilariously blatant feeling of heteronormativity.

Yeah, they didn't write X character as gay, but that's no need to point fingers (canon doesn't call him gay, so it's fine). And okay, maybe they created a crack-ship for one of their fics that they got heavily invested in and are now reusing, but like... it's convenient for plot-reasons so knock yourself out? And maybe leaning heavily on "women are mysterious" for cracky dad-jokes is in bad taste, but it's a cracky kind of scene?

But... it just keeps coming. They've basically gone out of their way to create ships everywhere, and they're all straight? And it's constantly played as a "and they make each other better people" as if they need romance to become such. The people who aren't in relationships are being pushed to become romantically involved (because it will make them better people), and the narrative thinks that this is reasonable and well-meaning (despite the threat of a literal war at their doorstep).

Combined with some comments from the author about being very dismissive about people who don't think marriage is important, because they actually "can't get married" and are crying sour-grapes about "not wanting to get married"?

And then on top of that, the reoccurring harem-plots? Where one dude gets lots of girls, with maybe a tiny little bit of Les-Yay thrown into the mix?

It made me sit back and really look at their stories, and... it's kind of painful? Like, I was curious about their fics, and now it's just-... How can I trust them to write interesting things, if their feelings on "romance" (which often plays an integral part in their stories) is the single most boring vanilla-ass shit that I've ever encountered (from someone who wasn't an insane Republican)?

[couldyouforgivemeforthatpain]

SICK and TIRED of us as a fandom pretending like Alex G doesn’t literally write songs for Regulus Arcturus Black

[laikabu]

re: my thoughts on laios’s sexuality (long post ahead lol)

let me start this post with this. first, this contains a lot of references to the new adventurer’s bible world guide book released last february. i can read japanese, but i’m sure they’re translated somewhere. general spoiler warning in case. also… i am ESL, so sorry for any grammar errors

second, if you’re on the team that insists laios doesn’t care about humans enough to form relationships, either read the manga again or at the very least read this thread.

last, please don’t chime in with your acearo headcanons on this post. there’s already a majority of posts here that insist laios is acearo and that anything else is impossible. i don’t like it the same way i don’t like when someone declares they hc marcille as bisexual to a poster who reads her as lesbian. i already have enough people here who declare he’s ace on my own art. at least people on twitter of all places don’t do this sort of thing to me. nothing in this manga is canon, you can headcanon anything i won’t get mad if you hc him as bi or something. just. don’t be weird on my post.

okay. trust me, i love women, and i love the idea of making my favs women lovers but the idea of laios being gay really appeals to me because of his background. this isn’t fueled by yaoi since i don’t even ship the only m/m relationship i bring up here, i just think it adds a nice layer to his disconnect with his own humanity

i do think laios has a very abstract relationship with his sexuality for a multitude of reasons. he grew up in a very conservative backwater village. he has a hard time recognizing his own feelings towards others just as much as vice versa. i don’t really care for the “laios is a monsterfucker” agenda people are pushing but i do think he’d engage in sexual thoughts in his own weird way, i won’t deny his deviantart fetish shit

as an autistic person myself, i relate to how he’d prioritize his special interest over social interactions. after all, he was fixated on monster food so he’s distracted from dark thoughts. he’s not an actual glutton

he’s shy around women, but i don’t think it’s out of attraction. i just think it’s because he’s awkward and doesn’t want to be seen as a threat. there’s a couple of times when, out of armor, he deliberately tries to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.

he didn’t show any interest towards ashivia (the hubby hunter girl marcille replaced) and just humored her because she wouldn’t leave him alone. his other party members thought he was giving her special treatment so he had to tell her he “doesnt want to give her special treatment anymore”(even though he never did), so she left

ashivia did her best to butter herself up to laios and he didn’t care, but laios thought shuro was his bestest friend in the whole world because he was too much of a pushover to reject him. ironically… what ashivia did to him parallels what he was doing to shuro

also… yeah sorry i keep bringing up that one comic of laios saying if he were falin he’d marry shuro and then begging him to take him back to his country, or that comic of laios wondering why he doesn’t like him(and then the first two questions he asks the magic mirror was what if he or shuro were women). i don’t even ship them! but it’s not a reach to assume that he likes men because of this, even if it’s kinda played like a joke(after all,a lot of people like chilshi even though their ‘shippy’ interaction was played as a joke)

of course, given the setting, i don’t think knows he’s gay, he wouldn’t have the vocabulary to label himself. i do want to dance around with the idea of him forcibly confronting his own sexuality after years of yaad pressuring him to produce heirs lol. laios might not be cishet but he’s a king so he rdgaf about that right now. i’m open to him having female consorts for political reasons, but i don’t think he’s into women, is all.

before anyone brings up his succubus… god forbid an author makes hetbait. a part of the plot twist was that not-marcille wasn’t the only succubus enticing laios, his other party members were copied too. she was the only one who approached him. also… succubi aren’t always inherently romantic. once it realized marcille didn’t work, it switched to appeal to his desire to be a monster.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking people in my GSA to cool it with the PDA?

so i (17f) am aroace and sex repulsed. i'm the only aspec person in my school's GSA. at meetings couples will hold hands, kiss, sit on each other's laps, make out, etc. it grosses me out and makes me really uncomfortable to see PDA, especially with people i'm not close to. i had been trying to ignore/look away when people would get all lovey dovey bc i know it's the one safe space for gay kids to be themselves since it's a rural area in a famously homophobic state, but it still makes me really uncomfortable. the problem happened when we were all sitting in a circle talking about fundraising ideas and a girl (i'll call her jen) started talking, so i looked at her, and she finished by saying "it was actually abby's (her gf) idea!" and kissed her cheek. i reflexively made a face and looked away but jen saw and got offended and said "what? i can't kiss my girlfriend? are you a puritan or something?" other kids started saying stuff like "yeah she got all weird when she saw me and my bf holding hands". they all KNOW i'm aroace and sex repulsed so it's not like it was a surprise. i said "well PDA makes me really uncomfortable and honestly you guys can be kind of gross sometimes" to which abby said "oh my god it's not like we were having sex in front of you! get over it!" at this point the teacher overseeing everything told us to "stop bickering" and finish the agenda for the day. at the end of every meeting we have a wrap-up where we talk about plans for the next meeting and stuff so i asked if everyone could lay off the PDA, at least during the actual meeting (not counting before/after/breaks since i can just go in the hall). everyone got really pissy and started calling me a puritan and prude and i started crying. after the meeting when i was waiting for my mom to pick me up the teacher pulled me aside and said that i shouldn't ask the other kids to "hide their affection" just bc i didn't like it especially since it's the only safe place for them to do it. i started crying again and asked wasn't this supposed to be a safe place for me too? she said she sympathized with me but i was asking a lot of the other kids. some of my ace mutuals i talked to said the other kids and teacher were being rude and i'm just as queer as they are, so they should respect my boundaries too. but i'm second guessing myself after the teacher told me i was asking them to hide their affection. i really don't want to leave the GSA bc i do love it and except for the last meeting i've gotten along really well with everyone there. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[the-one-and-only-duckduckgo]

I (finally) finished Season one during my 7 hour long train ride, and since nobody asked, here's a new summary.

The Magnus Archives but I've finished season one (and that didn't help with the confusion)

There's Jon. He's an Archivist, and he got that anxiety rizz™

He also sounds like his life would crumbie in pieces if he doesn't have a seventh cup of coffee before the sun rises.

I can relate.

One of the causes of his anxiety seems to be his least favourite colleague, Martin.

Martin is described as unqualified, suspected to be a ghost and sent into various deadly situations.

He also sleeps in Jalapeño's bed.

I FUCKING LOVE GERARD KEAY

Everyone works in a modern remake of the Library of Alexandria, which would be very cool if there weren't a lot of murderous creatures.

(there are a lot of murderous creatures)

And worms. Would we still love them if they were human? Probably not.

Everything is ruled by a guy named Elias Bouchard. Everyone told me that he's nice.

In what world is a guy named fucking Bouchard nice?

Jane Prentiss is spreading the worm agenda.

SHE DESERVED MORE THAN THAT HELP IS THERE A CHARITY WHERE I CAN GIVE HER A VIRTUAL HUG???

Michael the eldritch horror is very lovely.

OH AND I DIDN'T TELL YOU BUT JALAPEÑO USES THE TAPE RECORDER CAUSE THE STATEMENTS DON'T WORK ON COMPUTER. THERE'S A REASON BEHIND ALL THAT.

That also means that there are statements that can be recorded on the computer and that we therefore don't see. I want to know what they're about.

#JusticeForSasha2k24

I am still lost in the English names.

Gerard Keay still burns books.

But that's ok, cause they're evil books from BLOODY JÜRGEN LEITNER I HATE JÜRGEN LEITNER DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THIS USELESS PIECE OF SHITTY OLD PARCHMENT WHEN HE WAS BORN HIS MOTHER CRIED AND SHOULD HAVE STRANGLED HIM I WISH HE GOES TO HELL ALTHOUGH NO HE WOULD RUIN THE GAY PARTY HAPPENING THERE I WISH HE DISAPPEARED IN THE COFFIN WE SEE AT THE BEGINNING AND WENT ON A CRUISE IN PETER LUKAS' BOAT GOD I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THIS LITERARY DISHONOUR. Fuck you, Leitner.

Hmm, yeah. Sorry. Where was I?

Season one's over, still no trace of the queer rep I was teased with.

Although, that may be a good thing, given the fact that as soon as a gay appears, they get killed/ replaced/ vanished by by some antique object.

Does that mean antique objects are homophobes?

Although these antiques come from Salesa's shop. Perhaps Salesa's the real straight supremacist here.

Selling dangerous items seems like a rentable activity tho. I should do the same.

Starting from now. Does anyone want a totally-not-illegal coffin? Antique dolls? You get your money back if they kill you.

So...uh...yeah. Good show. Amazing sound effects. Watch it. Wahoo.

[yetanotherlesbianonthiswebsite]

An overly complicated analysis of everything we know about Neve Gallus in canon, as well as some additional thoughts of mine on the themes surrounding her (because I am so gay for her already)

1. Canon information

- Her age is, as of yet, unknown. In the Tevinter Nights story The Streets of Minrathous, narrated in the first-person perspective by Neve, we read “He greeted me with a dismissive ‘young lady’ that made me think he’d forgotten my name” (216). However, this is a description by an older man, whose nephew is alive long enough that his “parents had disowned him years ago” (213). In another passage of the story, the following can be read: “The man was a con artist I’d turned in the year before. To be fair, he’d nearly gotten me killed the year before that, so we were even” (221). We can therefore be certain that she has engaged successfully in detective work for at least two years, and has likely been doing so for a while. We do not know when the story is set, neither do we know anything about the parallel stories of “The Wigmaker Job” and “Luck in the Gardens”. We get the information that a Venatori cultist was wearing clothes that are fading (220), and that the cult had long since lost much standing in society; it has likely been quite a number of years since 9:42. At the same time, we know of a Qunari invasion in the eastern part of the Tevinter Empire from 9:44/45 onward, with several major cities falling to the invaders. Neve describes the catacombs as “a place to hold a year’s worth of food and supplies, securing the city’s survival in case of blight or Qunari invasion” (232). A woman as observant and politically savvy as her would likely not frame an invasion as that much of a hypothetical in case of an ongoing war. It is reasonable to assume that the story takes place sometime around the middle of the forties. Which means that by the events of Veilguard, in the middle of the fifties, we should expect Neve to have had at least twelve years of experience as a private investigator, which places her likely age at minimum in the early thirties. (Not that I am hoping for anything 40 or upward, no, there is no MILF agenda here)

- She describes the manor of a rich man as “a residence nowhere near the third-rate bookseller where I rent a room” (216), locating her residence both outside of the rich parts of town, and informing us that she does not have the greatest of means.

- Likewise, we learn that her “family has more templars than mages. I’m sure that says a lot about me. The point is, I’m not from an old family and I felt as at home in Lady Varantus’s house as Jahvis looked” (218). Within the rigid social hierarchies of Tevinter, she is privileged by magehood, but not by blood. To the degree that Tevene social classes can be broken down so neatly into stratified categories, she seems to be somewhere in the lower ranks of the middle class.

- She is canonically disabled; an amputee wearing a prosthetic leg made of dwarven metal (215). In the comic The Missing #4, we see her prosthetic, it is designed as a cobra standing up in intimidation of an attacker, and the metal seems to be predominantly a bronze or gold with blue or silver accents (6). On her foot on the other leg, she is wearing a boot which has a bronze or gold tip symmetrical to the tail of the cobra, and a high plattformed heel (ibid). Combining that with the fact that she fights and runs with a prosthetic and a heeled boot (TSoM 215, TM4 16), we learn that she expresses immense control over her body.

- Likewise, she approaches all her actions, her appearance, and her communication verbal and physical with a high degree of precision and deliberation. Her outfit is perfectly composed, with white and dark leather as primary colours, the same blue-gold metal that her prosthetic is made out of for accents as well as her belt (which is a coiling snake, TM4 6), a dark turquiose for some of the cloth (such as pants and cravat), a light turquiose for such accents as her fingernails and her meticulously applied eyeliner, and some manner of cap akin to a graduation cap at the right side of her head, in an almost black brown, with gold details. The shape of the cap has the exact same angles as a rhombus as her earrings (TM4 9). The detail on the cap forms a snake. It has been posited by tumblr user @cleric4vampire that even her movement in the trailer reinforces the cobra/snake motive (https://www.tumblr.com/cleric4vampire/752850000700194816). Despite sometimes excrutiatingly long workdays (223), Neve puts an extreme amount of emphasis on her appearance. Even in the comic, while the style does feature very dynamic character movements while talking, her gestures stick out as particularly deliberate; she talks with her hands a lot, and with deliberation (see the appendix of this post for more). This speaks to a plethora of willpower, control, and a desire to maintain a controlled barrier between the self and the larger world.

- While writing this, I have come up with the theory that the blue accents of her apparell might partially be lyrium. If she is literally wearing lyrium makeup, I will marry her.

- The only two offensive types of magic that we see her use are ice magic (e.g. TSoM 226, 227, 235, TM4 16, 17), and a manner of magic that lets her freeze the moisture in the air around a person to stagger them (e.g. TSoM 214, TM4 17). Through cooling the air around herself a bit less, she manages to hide herself in mist (e.g. TSoM 214). She is capable of some healing magic (227).

- She has a network of contacts, acquaintances, and informants all over Minrathous, particularly in its underground.

- She loves salty fried fish (221). This is not only in line with Minrathous being a coastal capital, which has a distinct influence on the caloric inflow into the city and cuisine at large, but also, once again, stresses that she does not have much money at her disposal, by emphasizing that she eats fried fish from a cheap street food stall very regularly (221), which she calls her “fish dinners” (228).

- She canonically has straight dark brown hair, meticulously kept at the left side of her face to keep space for the cap on the right, brown eyes, and brown skin. It is furthermore canon that anyone who has a problem with that or wishes to change that with mods will be exploded via elemental magic. It is furthermore canon that I will not buy Veilguard if the game whitewashes her.

- She is involved with the Shadow Dragons in helping fugitive slaves (TM4 9, 20). She expressly approves of the use of armed violence against the institution of slavery. At one point, she comments: “The cult’s dead god wanted to bring Tevinter back to what it was—to its “glory.” It was nonsense, of course. It always was. The old empire was even more corrupt and heartless than what it is now, no matter how pretty the picture Corypheus painted” (TSoM 221). In her vocal resistance to the empire, she sees it as a good usage of her time to track down Venatori (214). In spite of her resistance against the empire, she considers the city her home and would like it to be better than it is (214, 221).

2. Themes: The noir detective and the empire

It goes without saying that the formational archetype behind the character of Neve Gallus is that of the noir detective. A solipsistic cynic with little means, a private investigator, called to investigate a crime scene in dance with and against the police, depending on the point of the story. The noir detective of the movies of the first half of the 20th century, the formational corpus from which stems the archetype, is distinctly tied to the metropolis; a story that needs the urban context, the urban scenery. While of course featuring a plentitude of settings and configurations, at the root of the archetype rest particularly a white, male, US-American figure. To bring Minrathous in parallel with New York particularly is in so far a welcome change as it means a partial departure from the orientalism underlying a lot of early descriptions of Tevinter in Dragon Age canon. But, to me at least, it raises the question of how well Dragon Age is equipped to tackle the arising thematic implications. Just like the Tevinter Empire, the United States of America is a slave society fueled by the deprivation of Indigenous communities and the physical exploitation of a racialized, disenfanchised class. The metropolis is the core of the imperial core; and Minrathous is, as the largest city of Thedas and the capital of Tevinter, certainly that. The Streets of Minrathous manages but a partial critique of the society of the imperial-colonial metropolis. While Neve remains critical of the templars, the undeniable cop stand-in, the critique remains bound to corruption the higher one goes in the chain of command, as well as the bureaucracy (231). The story, in particular, follows the very dangerous trope commonly found in copaganda that the base-level officers should be allowed to disobey the chain of command and act on their own, particularly when it comes to the deployment of heavy weaponry (234). That the base-level officer is as much an agent of imperial violence as the top of the hierarchy, turning the systemic and depersonal violence of the system into concrete interpersonal violence, cannot be formulated by the text.

Furthermore, the Venatori, in their supremacist-fascistic death cult, remain cast in ableistic terms that deprive their ideology of systemic connectedness: “that didn’t stop remaining loyalists from acting delusional and stirring up trouble when the mood struck. That’s fanatics for you” (213). That fascism is but the logical conclusion of empire, particularly a weakened and collapsing empire, remains just as unacknowledged. And yet, what haunts the story is a profound sense of loneliness and alienation. A rich man estranged and alienated from his nephew because of his fear of social repercussions for the nephews behavior, said nephew dying while grasping to any semblance of connection he can (“He knew what came next. He was searching for whatever company he had left” 215), Neve facing the cultists in their hideout alone because the templar Rana does not want to breach protocoll, hell, even the Venatori preacher making a ridiculous figure, alone and ignored on his soapbox while the masses rush by him and shut him out of their attention; everyone is lonely, seperated by the dividing and isolating forces of the empire. The imperial metropolis condenses people, yet they are emotionally distanced from one another. Neve’s final action in the story is to return to the rich old man, explaining to him that his nephew was trying to be good after all; a post-mortem attempt to mend but one severed connection between humans. Her entire character is defined by the trajectory that comes from wandering almost aimlessly in a desperate attempt to escape the solipsistic nature of the empire. Her defining emotional conflict is with the reality of empire, as much as her status as a brown, disabled, bisexual woman clashes with the roots of the figure of the noir detective. We see by the time of The Missing #4 that she finds a sense of fulfillment in working with the Shadow Dragons for the slaves and against the slavers, which hints at a character arc from TSoM to TM4. As Varric correctly observes, she has a heart of gold (TM4 20), one which she hides behind a particularly controlled facade, as stern as beautiful. How well her character plays out in Veilguard hinges entirely on the stories limited ability to discuss empire in meaningful terms, and the story’s willingness to further explore her emotional arc suggested between TSoM and TM4. I am furthermore worried about how well a series known for its overt centrism can handle the nuances that make her character so great, as well as fearing the reaction by gamers[TM] to having a brown, female, disabled, bisexual detective.

3. Appendix: I am gay for the way she talks with her hands and body

TM4 9

TM4 9

TM4 5

TM4 10

TM4 14

TM4 19

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

I come wielding the part where they actually play spin the "bottle" (2021). Transcript under the cut!

Harrison watched Lonan as he rose, slowly, dusting himself as he went, bringing his set of cutlery with him. There was very little point to this—the holding cells, all located in a damp, sunless basement, were akin to dust bowls. There was no way to avoid it. Still, he flicked lint off his good shirt, adjusted his collar. Then he walked toward Harrison and kneeled in front of him.

It was more of a treat than a threat to have Lonan so close. He was maddeningly put-together, smelled once again of vanilla and sandalwood. He was the type of person who likely carried a comb around with them—his hair was split perfectly down the middle, a thin, pale thread indicating his parting. When he looked at Harrison, his eyes like burning forget-me-nots, Harrison looked at the portrait he’d half-finished. This is why he didn’t understand what the sound was, a plasticky whirring, until he glanced back in Lonan’s direction.

A plastic knife twirled along the concrete, slowing to a stop at Harrison. He should not have been surprised that this is what that godforsaken handsome devil had done. It was both sweet, and irritating.

When Lonan reached for Harrison’s injured hand that at this point, had healed almost fully, Harrison didn’t resist. A line of butterflies fluttered through his chest. Lonan’s touch was cold. Disastrously careful. He turned it so his palm was face up and they both saw its wide, neat stitches. In a day or so, Harrison would be back to normal, like nothing ever happened. But still, Lonan held his hand. Then like a prince, he bowed his head and kissed it.

Spin the bottle - Seventh Virtue

The fun part about early Seventh Virtue was writing Lonan & Harrison meeting each other for the first time all over again. Here’s an early section where they prove they cannot have a single normal conversation!!!

Their meet-cute is when Harrison gets caught thieving (by Lonan) and they almost kill each other. ❤️ Soooo on brand.

Seventh Virtue, circa 2021.

Text transcript under the cut!

“So you cut me, arrest me, throw me down here, and now you want to dine with me?”

“Yes,” Lonan said. He ripped open his cutlery packet, slipped out the black fork. As he unloaded bouts of fried rice, mounds of glossed orange chicken, and a generous helping of black pepper beef, he added, ��And I didn’t cut you. You did that yourself.”

Harrison snorted. Oh god, he was starving. He wasn’t sure how long he could keep up the façade before he started drooling.

“That’s because you were going to stab me in the gut,” he said.

“I wasn’t going to stab you.”

“So what were you going to do with the knife? Use it to play spin the bottle with me?”

Lonan arched a brow. “Would you like to play spin the bottle with me?”

“If you’re the one I’d kiss, then sure.”

[buddierecs]

jealous!eddie diaz buddie fics

all mature rating!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

eddie diaz vs the pta agenda by: mmtion "really, eddie doesn’t care that the pta aren’t his biggest fan. he knows he misses too many meetings, and it’s not like he’s best friends with any of the other parents. it doesn’t affect christopher, so it doesn’t bother him. he’ll pay for the annual fundraising mugs and consider his duty done. but then buck picks christopher up from a class trip and it all goes to hell. like, of course buck is everyone’s dream guy. he’s responsible with kids, and kind, and funny and interesting and hot to touch. that’s obvious. but now eddie’s fighting to keep the pta moms, teachers, and dads, all off an unsuspecting and tempting buck. because eddie is a good friend. right?" word count: 19k important tags: idiots in love, oblivious!eddie diaz ripples all the way down by: iriswests "christopher partakes in some parent trapping" word count: 57k important tags: jealous!evan buckley, slow burn, miscommunication, happy ending a thousand ways to say i hate you by: morganofthefairies "five times eddie buys taylor fuck-you flowers, and one time he doesn't need to" word count: 8k important tags: 5+1 things, petty!eddie diaz, double dates, eddie/ana, buck/taylor, ana flores bashing, pining, ableism let me roll it to you by: woodchoc_magnum "in which eddie starts dating ana and buck starts dating around; eddie does not cope that well with change, buck is oblivious and everyone else thinks they're a pair of idiots." word count: 22k important tags: idiots in love, mutual pining, angst, humor, worried firefam i'm not the guy you're taking home by: woodchoc_magnum "in which buck discovers the wonders of bisexuality and eddie spends the entire fic pining for him in a big bad way." word count: 63k important tags: pining, oblivious!evan buckley, friends with benefits, team as family, coming out, angst, getting together did you know that my dreams, they're all the same by: sourwolfseblaine "tk visits los angeles to forget about his break up with carlos, buck needs to forget about his painful (what he thinks is unrequited) feelings for eddie. buck thought him and tk becoming rebound buddies would solve their problem, at least for one night, but it only makes it more complicated for him." word count: 7k important tags: 911 lone star, rebounds, pining, first kiss, love confessions, getting together, light angst this is josh, what's your emergency? by: eightpackdiaz "josh knew eddie was into buck way before eddie realised it himself" word count: 6.2k important tags: eddie & josh friendship, gay disaster!eddie diaz, getting together, feelings realisation, kissing eddie diaz vs garfield the cat by: sonayesul "buck brings home a cat one day and he and christopher love her. however, eddie doesn't and swears the cat is trying to steal buck from him." word count: 4k important tags: established relationship, crack, fluff, mild hurt/comfort, domestic fluff traded by: princessfbi "eddie wasn't trying to go viral. he just wanted to trade his jersey. but then something called booktok got involved." word count: 23k important tags: hocky au, bartender!eddie diaz, hockey player!evan buckley, social media, protective!eddie diaz, possessive!eddie diaz, mutual pining, getting together in my heart i wanted more by: woodchoc_magnum "set post-season 5, Episode 4 and 5 - in which buck and taylor's relationship is slowly crumbling, eddie has some big realisations about his sexuality, and true feelings are revealed." word count: 47k important tags: faling in love, getting together, team as family, mutual pining, protective!eddie diaz, panic attacks, first kiss let me fix it for you by: smilingbuckley "5 times eddie fixes or builds something for buck + 1 time buck thanks him for it (... sort of)" word count: 10k important tags: 5+1 things, getting together, eventual smut, mutual pining, fluff, idiots in love

[mittenslikescats]

The fact that Chris is scared of a fictional lego character being gay is the funniest thing ever. Like I’ve seen this dude on instagram make tons of posts about how we have to ‘save Cole from the gay agenda’ and to ‘save Cole from the goblin’ to the point where his own fans (who liked his content before the whole Cole x Geo thing) are calling him out and saying they’re getting sick of his homophobia.

But also seeing this guy basically have a huge hissy fit over a fictional character being in a healthy relationship is fucking amazing. I’ve never seen so many Ninjago ‘fans’ get so worked up over these two guys holding hands. Especially on instagram, I think that’s the platform where most of the homophobic Ninjago fans live (at least from my experience)

[nerdygaymormon]

Certainty vs Uncertainty

I spoke to the Gatherings group which meets in Deltona, FL. I shared these thoughts with them, and want to also share them on my blog.

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When I was growing up, I didn’t see LGBTQ people. I didn’t know any. I didn’t consume any media which portrayed them, at least not until I was a teenager in the 1980’s when the news would have stories about gay people protesting for recognition of the pandemic wiping them out and demanding more research and attention to HIV/AIDS.

As a teenager I began understanding that I might be one of “them,” and that scared me. I denied the possibility and doubled down on being the best Mormon that I could be. But there were moments where my thoughts would go to “what if?”

At the time, the LDS Church had very strong teachings against gay people. Here I was with my identity fully invested in the church, and so was my family's. To explore the idea that I might be gay meant to shake the foundations that provided stability and meaning in my life. Every indication I had is that if I were gay I would be kicked out of church and probably out of my family. That made it critical for me to press down the queer part of me.

Even though I was in denial, I still heard those negative messages and thought what if that’s me? What if I’m an abomination? What if I’m a threat to the family? What if I’m an enemy to God? I certainly didn’t want to be those things.

As my teenage years progressed and it became more and more clear that I feel things for guys that I never do for girls, I accepted the idea that I’m defective. God would never want someone to feel these things therefore something is wrong with me.

When I was 19 years old, my bishop called me into his office to talk about serving a full-time mission. Even though I didn’t share why, he could tell I wasn’t excited about this idea. He told me to go home and pray to ask God if the church is true, if the Book of Mormon is true, if Joseph Smith was a true prophet. I went home and prayed, but not about those things. I asked, “God, do you love me? All of me? Can you love who I am and what I am?”

That was the first time I was honest with God about what I was experiencing, and this prayer was answered with an overwhelming feeling of love and warmth, and I heard the answer, “You are not broken.”

First, how sad that someone who grew up in this church, all those years of Primary, Sunday School, and youth programming, would wonder if God could love me.

Second, this answer contradicted what the presidents of the church taught. God shot an arrow through the idea that everything I had been taught and believed was true, certain, and unwavering.

This is a church of certainty. “I know this church is true.” “I know the Book of Mormon is true.” “I know the president of the church is a prophet of God.” Being an LGBTQ member is an experience that pushes against that certainty. I think many, probably most people will question some of what they’re taught, but generally queer people enter faith transitions earlier than their non-queer peers.

Over the years, I have received answers that are out of alignment with the church. It caused dissonance for me. But that’s also what allowed me to find a way to stay. I didn’t have to believe the things this church taught about LGBTQ people because I had very clear answers to the contrary. Nevertheless, being a queer Latter-day Saint was, and is, a difficult space to exist in. Over the years, I’ve seen the church change how it talks about gay people and in the policies. Things weren’t as fixed and certain as I’d been taught.

For 9 years now, I’ve been serving as a stake executive secretary. I make appointments for the stake presidency, I create & maintain the stake calendar, I create agendas for meetings, and I attend lots of meetings. It’s just as exciting as it sounds. It also means that when a general authority comes to my stake and meets with the stake presidency, they also bump into this gay man.

I have a small blog where I write about being a queer Latter-day Saint. I wrote about the first general authority I met and I told him I’m gay and that he reacted with love and kindness. This post went viral, over 500,000 hits. Even though at the time I was anonymous on my blog, suddenly I was out to everyone. As my sister’s friend asked, "How many single, stake executive secretaries who live in Florida and work at a university can there possibly be?"

Several of these general authorities have invited me to meet with them when I travel to Salt Lake City, and I’ve had some interesting conversations with them, including with Elder & Sister Renlund. It's been an interesting experience to hear members of the Seventy and an apostle speak without certainty.

Sister Renlund’s father had a brother who was married to my grandma, he died in World War II. My grandma remarried and my mom is from the second marriage. My grandma was sealed to her first husband, and that was fine for my granddad until his wife died. That’s when certain questions became a big concern for him. Is he going to have no one in heaven? Does this mean he won’t be exalted? Are his children sealed to the other husband and he'll be their dad in heaven? While alive, a woman can only be sealed to one husband, but when she passes away she can be sealed to all the husbands she was legally married to during her life, and it will all get sorted out in heaven. If she chooses to be sealed to my granddad, the person she spent 70 years with, where does that leave her first husband?

We were talking about that and Elder Renlund said that we don’t know how it works, we don’t really know what heaven is like, but we’ve seen enough glimpses to know that it does work out for everyone and it is wonderful.

He has said something similar to that answer several times when I’ve visited with him. In a church of “I know this,” and “I know that,” this is not how I expected an apostle to answer. I’ve gotten similar responses from the Seventy I’ve met with.

This idea of not being certain, not knowing what the answer will be, not defining what the outcome must be, gives us the capacity to learn and grow, to seek what God wants for us. Until I was willing to be honest with God about how I experience life and ask if God could okay with me, I didn’t get an answer. God never was willing to respond to prayers begging Him to “fix” me, because I came with an answer, an outcome, and it wasn’t what God wanted for me.

The answer that I’m not broken sustained me for a long time. I’ve gotten a few other answers like that, such as it’s okay to date and seek a relationship, it is fine to leave this church, which clearly go against what our church leaders say. It puts me in a situation similar to the one that Joseph Smith described when local pastors were telling him that he was wrong and is a liar, yet he knew the answers he’d gotten from God. “I had seen a vision. I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it.”

Many people like that our church culture is one of certainty. It gives them a sense of safety. Here are the answers. They know if they check these boxes then they’ll receive the blessings they desire.

Having a culture of certainty creates a monoculture. People who have different viewpoints are likely going to be shy about sharing their thoughts in a Sunday School class. And it’s easy for others to become defensive and reply that is the incorrect answer, here’s what the acceptable answer is, and help keep everyone in line and the lesson on track. It leaves us blind to lessons we could learn from other perspectives. I don’t think that’s how God wants us to operate.

As I read the scriptures with my queer eyes, I more and more see that the things important to God are that we love each other, that we look for people who are vulnerable and try to make them more secure. We are to be welcoming to the foreigner and open our home and we are responsible for their safety because we’re operating from a place of security.

Earlier this year we got new policies about trans people at church. How certain are we that God wants these policies? If these are hurting trans people, what do we do about it? Do these seem like the policies a God of love would approve? Are they consistent with the idea of loving and treating others how I want to be treated?

Having queer people in church is powerful, it shakes up the certainty. I’ve heard parents of queer people say, “I know a loving God won’t separate me in heaven from my child.” “I trust that God will make it all okay.” That’s another way of saying, “Maybe our leaders are wrong, maybe God isn’t beholden to the rules we say He has to follow.” It’s their way of making some space for the dissonance they feel between what is being taught and the reality of their queer family member.

In the Genesis story we read about binaries. God divided darkness from the light. God created the heaven and the earth. God separated the water from the land. God created male and female. And yet, if we look around, none of those are binaries, they are spectrums. There’s sunsets and sunrises and eclipses. There’s swamps and marshes and bogs where the land and water are mixed. The sky has clouds and humidity, that’s water in the air. These spectrums are pleasing to God.

In Romans 1:20, the apostle Paul teaches that we have an invisible God but can know them by the things that God makes. When we want to know about God, we look at God’s creations and these will testify of what God is like. Considering all we can see around us, God loves diversity. God loves exceptions. God loves peculiarities. God doesn’t stick to binaries. God revels in variety. Same-sex behavior (courtship, sex, pair-bonding, and parental activities) have been documented in over 450 species of animals. What does this tell us about God? Having people whose gender is trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, intersex, androgynous, and so on, is more in line with what we observe about God from His creations than the idea that there is strictly one kind of man and one kind of woman and that’s it, no other variety allowed.

I leave these thoughts with you, and hope it helps lead you away from certainty and towards the humility of belief that perhaps we don’t perfectly know God, that our leaders can be wrong about things and as we grow in understanding perhaps it’s time to question if it’s time to change.

We say that people are to endure to the end, and that can sound like hold tight and don't question and suffer to the end. I think a better way is to say it is we should grow to the end. Athletes work to increase their endurance, they grow their ability. How can we as individuals and as a community grow? When we see policies are harming people we can ask what God would have us do? That’s a path to growth and spiritual maturity. Are we more concerned about being certain or about finding truth?