#my first post here in a long time lmao
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ew-selfish-art · 1 year ago
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DpxDc AU: Tim as a child was never given a lot of information regarding the scribbling messy handwriting that appeared over night all over his arms- naturally he came to his own conclusions.
Tim Drake was home entirely alone at 9 years old and was about to go out for the night to test his brand new long exposure camera lens when he sees the writing on his arm. It’s not English, like he assumed it was at first, but it was using the alphabet to represent… Tim isn’t bad at math but this formula is complex for his little genius brain.
Looking at his camera, he decides he can spare a moment to look it up, solve it, and get back out into old town Gotham in time for Batman and Robin’s final patrol lap. He does just that, finding the problem to relate to some aerospace engineering and then quickly deduces what laws and theorems need to be applied. He finds a pen, writes down his findings in much neater handwriting onto his arm, and goes out. It’s barely a remarkable night at all. He gets a much more memorable photo of Robin roundhouse kicking a hench person.
Things just continued on that way. Tim would find some complex math, physics or chemistry prompt on his arm (surrounded by various question marks or notes or sad faces)- he’d answer it as best he could and move on with his life. Perhaps his parents were manifesting these pop quizzes? Perhaps his subconscious felt guilty about abandoning his studies for more Bat related pursuits? Tim really didn’t care to think much about it once he became Robin- there was too much on his plate and too many peoples problems for him to fix.
Notably, however, after the attack at the Tower, the pop quiz appeared and Tim wrote back that he wouldn’t be able to find an answer to this one. It was the only time Tim questioned the markings appearance and it was because the next thing that appeared was “Hope you feel better soon.”
… his parents wouldn’t include that on a pop quiz. Cursed then. Tim decided it must be a curse, whatever, he’d deal with the implications later in life.
Tim then has the worst year of his life, hes 15, no longer Robin and the questions from his curse are getting less math oriented and more… philosophical. A lot of mentions of death that, in hindsight helped him actually grieve, and a lot of theories about dark matter and souls. Tim answers back as best he can but he’s drained and his answers aren’t very good in his opinion. He gets minimal feedback.
It all comes to a point that he’s at a family dinner, Bruce is at the head of the table, Jason has promised just to stay for dessert, Damian hasn’t thrown a single insult his way and Steph was laughing at him- when a new theoretical model appears on his arm.
“You’re just as bad as Bruce, Timberly. Hiding a soulmate from all of us, how fucking typical.” Jason points out, while watching Tim scribble back some math with a question mark onto his arm.
“A what? No, this is just a curse. I get pop quizzes every now and then.” Tim bats away Steph who rapidly approaches and began to analyze his arm (the rest of the family isn’t far behind).
“Drake. Explain how you came to this conclusion.” Damian seems more curious than anything, if his lack of insults was anything to go off of.
“Since I was young I’ve had at least weekly math check ins, I never had a parent or anyone else around so I assumed my parents had me cursed to ensure I stayed on top of my studies. Sometimes it’s physics or chemistry, for a while there it was a ton of philosophy and behavioral psychology.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Master Tim, I believe the lack of adults in your life has led you towards a false conclusion. That is most certainly a soulmate mark. The individual to whom you are responding is undoubtedly your other half.” Alfred attempts to calm the room before explaining to Tim. Tim isnt sure if he believes the butler, though Alfred only very rarely lied, so he grabs the pen once more. He writes his first question back: “Who am I to you?”
The room waits in anticipation and within moments a brand new line appears on Tim’s arm and he is vindicated: “We do math together???”
——
The reason Danny is failing English is because his built in homework helper sucks ass at metaphors and has apparently never read any classic literature. The tutor on his arm is great at puzzles and math tho.
Danny gets a reply back one night that he wasn’t expecting (Who am I to you?) and he mentions it to Jazz. Who goes insane that Danny didn’t even question it and just went with “meh, probably haunted” as his explanation for the phenomenon for all these years.
Apparently, if Jazz was right, he had a soulmate who was uh, super fucking smart. That was an overwhelming thought.
The next day Danny is in crisis mode and writes back “Wait, WHAT AM I TO YOU??? Can I help on your homework??”
Danny gets vindicated when the writing on his arm presents a shit ton of dates and information for an unsolved Gotham cold case. See, Haunted.
———
Eventually between Danny becoming the top candidate for astrophysics at Wayne Enterprises and Tim Drake being outed as having contributed tips to the GCPD that solved cold cases- they meet and realize just how dumb they’ve been.
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lilybug-02 · 4 months ago
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Artfight against @ejsuperstar ft. The Mad King and Chip. They're both so evil. I hope they have the most extravagant downfall of any onscreen villain.
This interaction is based on a little fic writing >:)
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meamiiikiii · 6 months ago
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5% of a color headcanon.... two versions since b&w emphasizes the dagger more i think but i still like the warm tones ASFSADA
i am not biased towards rainbow daggers whatsoever i promise (lie)
((also friend is streaming now and im there too!! bit more info linked here, its rated mature tho))
#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#i think tumblr is chewing on this ah well#its more of a weapon color headcanon than anything else tbh SAFASDA#but its very funny in my mind to refer to this as#insert percent amount of color headcanon here ASDASFA#i do not have many color headcanons tbh???#overall i would say i have like 1.15(ish) color headcanons that are solid in my brain across the cast???#the rainbow dagger has been in my minds eye for a long time#um SPOILERISH talk ahead in tag talk so be warned#i am serious!! turn back now if u dont want SPOILERS!!!#can u imagine if siffrins parents had lovingly crafted that white cloak and helped him pick out the pure black fit when younger#so they could be fashionably black and white like if things were in color or something#but then the first thing siffrin picks out on their own terms is literally the most colorful thing imaginable for the dagger#i do not know if that makes much sense but yeah#it is fun in my minds eye ASDAFA#actually is it ever mentioned where siffrin got the dagger??#was it also passed down????#ik the cloak was for sure from his family#and the pure black fit underneath is up in the air i think#tho if it was a first pass pick from parents#and he continued to pick it again and again after they got older subconsciously or not might be fun to think about#also do not mind the art style shift it might happen again LMAO#probably sparingly tho? who knows!!!#should i link stream in this post??? i dont know???#i feel a lil bad if it isnt related?????#oh well im doing it anyway because friendship :]#honestly did not think i would also have anything to post today but uh oops sorta just happened and it lined up so ASFASDA#anyway tag talk over stream time WOOO and i think i hit tag limit LMAO
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sigskk · 8 months ago
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sigchuu meeting (canon) (sigma told me himself)
[ID: A pixel art doodle of Chuuya and Sigma from Bungo Stray Dogs, standing side-by-side. They are very stylized, with elliptical heads, long necks that run offscreen at the bottom, and with only eyes and hair. Sigma is looking away from Chuuya, blushing. Chuuya is wearing his hat and has heavy eye bags. He's staring into the camera with an irritated expression. He has yellow sparkles around him and two arrows pointed to him, one reading "Has not slept in days", and the other in lower opacity, "(also looks like an angel)". End ID.]
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 4 months ago
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Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D
I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.
Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.
I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!
I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.
I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer
I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.
So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3
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sadkois · 1 year ago
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10 mins later after majima convinced nishiki to go out on a guys night :)
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10 YEARS IN THE JOINT
KIRYU WITH NISH EXPRESSION JUMPSCARE
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shadyvoidhologram · 29 days ago
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I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.
[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]
So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.
Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".
Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.
Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.
And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.
When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.
Then Jimmy finds the gun.
And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.
Soon enough it's just the two of them left.
Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.
But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.
He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.
He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.
Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.
When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.
It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.
As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.
He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.
..ok see y'all when I wake up-
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sulky-cabbage · 1 month ago
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Eve: "Regarding the lyrics, this time its about portraying the conflicts and feelings of the characters in Jujutsu kaisen. This kind of feeling inside me, made me choose the characters one by one and thus write the lyrics. I don't dare to say where or who..."
Also Eve:
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Alternative translations: 1 2 3 4
The lyrics hit different after ch 271. I kinda want this to be the op for s4 ngl
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#sukugo#my post#this is all eve all I did was take a screen shot at the convenient time to further my Sukugo agenda lol#I think the characters this is about are Sukuna Megumi gojo and maaaaybe yuji and yuta#But I think it's mainly about Sukuna's feelings during the shinjuku showdown especially towards gojo#It's art anyone can interpret it the way they want#but “my passion that towards you only cuts through the air like a wish” while showing the prison cube getting cut in half... yeah...#Also “lost emotions”??? Like what? Nervousness? Lmao#Love is when he makes you feel nervous for the first time in a thousand years#“thoughts voice words and lost emotions and love spin and spin towards the chance of victory” I love the use of the word “spin” here#cuz mahoraga's wheel spinning was like a count down for the you know what#I like how it starts with Sukuna's finger box and ends with it note how it has this black sludge thingy around it in the beginning#but in the end it's cleared (watch the video)#“Expectations overlap with regrets” *Shows their hands reaching* o m g????? That other hand is definitely Sukuna's it has black nails!!!#The other hand we see coming out of an eye !!!!!!#“the memory and love to be hidden and the eternal identity till death shall it be fine to keep them staying” While showing the last finger#And that heart cut in half!!!! it's probably about kashimo but kashimo was only created to bring the subtext into text anyways sooo...#That brain is definitely yuta taking over and I'd like to think that broken sphere is yuta's domain barriers that shattered in ch 263#Expectations overlap with regrets indeed 😏 that being the slowest part of the song is so fucking funny Sukuna's really missing his wife#To me now this song is about Sukuna's unspoken love and regret and preserving this love and memory for as long as his remains exist#Also there's a line in the song about these feelings “riding on the past and future” which is just aghhhh reminds me of Kashimo's question#why mince your soul into cursed objects and watch all those years go by what were you looking for#Sukuna literally time travelled met his love said he will remember him for as long as he lives and died in the same fucking day#only for his remains to stay protecting japan and preserve that memory The body is the soul and the soul is the body yeah?#Also Sukuna is basically tengen now so the six eyes is bound to him 😉 Gojo is the reason Sukuna's memory is preserved and vice versa#kenjaku baby trapped him to do bad things gojo finger trapped him into becoming Japan's protector against curses... Gojo best wife
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sweetandglovelyart · 10 months ago
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Knightfall in Dream Land - Page 6
Meta Knight begins his long fall to Popstar’s surface and passes by some familiar faces on the way down.
#Kirby#Kirby fanart#my art#comic#Meta Knight#Dark Meta Knight#Sailor Dee#Taranza#sorry it took me so long to finish this page but it’s finally done#I hope that the title of the comic makes sense to everyone now#I called it Knightfall in Dream Land because the knight fell into Dream Land lmao#the parts of the comic set in the present are occurring around the time of Return to Dream Land#so the gang hasn’t met Taranza yet and isn’t aware of Floralia’s existence#but since Meta has a long fall to the surface I’d imagine he’d probably crash through Floralia on the way down and pass by the mirror#I tend not to give specific ages/age numbers to Kirby characters in my fanart/fan AU#the first reason for this is that different characters probably age at different rates since they’re different species#and the second reason for this is that I don’t see years between game releases equating to years passing for the characters#I mean just look at Adeleine she’s still a kid in Star Allies even though that was released almost two decades after Crystal Shards lmao#instead of giving characters specific ages I headcanon them as being in certain age ranges#so in the present Kirby Bandee and Sailor are all kids (and Bandee and Sailor are a bit older than Kirby)#I also see characters like Gooey Adeleine and Ribbon as being kids too#while characters like Taranza Susie Magolor Marx and the Mage Sisters are young adults#and characters like Meta Knight Dedede Daroach Captain Vul and Hyness are older adults#but in the parts of the comic set in the past Meta Knight and Dedede are young adults and Taranza is a kid#and Kirby and the Dees are babies#the older spiders shown here with Taranza and Sectonia are OCs of mine who are their mothers#their names are Lady Theraphoza (Taranza’s mom) and Queen Rachnia (Sectonia’s mom)#I’m giving Taranza some backstory since HAL refuses to tell us anything about him except he’s sad about Sectonia lmao#this post has too many tags but maybe I’ll make a separate post with my Spider Lore#Knightfall in Dream Land
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xiakeik · 7 months ago
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Try not to get deeply obsessed with two fandoms again challenge
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magistralucis · 10 months ago
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"I forgive you." - Yenekh/Oltyx (for @courgowr)
(Drabble Oneshot for a prompt fill challenge, prompts available here.)
——————-
Even after all's been said and done there's one more thing that lingers, a guilt that has never gone away. Forgive me for what I have done, Oltyx often asks of his formal admiral, his hand upon a silver claw or a bloodied forehead, his own head bowed in shame. It is not enough that he overcame life and death for his atonement, it must be spelled out, or he is a sinner still. I was cruel and I was craven, and I had dealt with you unjustly.
Well, I forgive you, Yenekh had laughed the very first time. The following year Oltyx took him as consort. Yenekh has been nothing but patient with him since, repeatedly reassuring him that all had been long forgiven, the tips of his claws ticking fondly upon Oltyx's carapace. The king doesn't doubt that he means it, for the Razor is not by nature dishonest. But he's sure there must be more he can do for Yenekh, if not as a sinner than as one beloved, because as far as he's concerned Yenekh has always deserved the world.
It just feels hypocritical to claim this when he's destroyed it once before.
He's not doing it to be burdensome. He's like this because he loves Yenekh. His old lives feel so distant from him now (and are, since nothing is as close yet so far away as death), but here's yet another shortfall from those august times: Oltyx has no idea how to be good to his amours, for there was never a match made for him in Ithakas, nor did he and his brother ever entertain admirers. Frankly he's not even sure Djoseras ever knew the C of courtship. No one is left to teach Oltyx either way. He is very loved in Drazak, more than he was loved in his previous lives - which he now understands was more than he knew at the time - but he has not been in the position to love another as equals until now. And so the Fallen Lord contemplates, day after day, how he might truly be the friend and king that Yenekh deserves.
To talk about it, at least, without putting his guilt on the other's shoulders. All the time in the world is theirs and he still feels it to be slow learning. 
An opportunity arises on the next occasion he orders the bounty.
[Published 25/01/2024 - continued on AO3 here.]
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catgirlsp0ck · 1 year ago
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romanced astarion's reaction to moaning bc of haarlep's deal
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sword-swordswordsknife · 4 months ago
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[marked mature 18+ & general cw stream yeah]
hi hello it's. friday, not thursday. oops! 8/2 6:40PMISH so ISAT stream with my friend squid :]
he’s in act 4, i am in call, AND SPECIAL GUEST!! OUR FRIEND AYA!! we are doing voices, uhh prob gonna guide him thru some more optional content today?
anyway, come hang/lurk/fish if desired! and if not, there's a vods channel (link in parenthesis) if that is preferred!
today's scroll by offering is p2 of a stream-related WIP… wonder what's happening…
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…and okay i guess this post can also have. a bonus.
vvv the king breasting boobily or whatever and the related context clip from stream below vvv
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two versions as it was important he was bald in one of them u see.
LISTEN!!! SQUID CLIPPED THAT MAINLY OUT OF CONTEXT AND I WASN’T JUST SPONTANEOUSLY SAYING HE HAS BIG HONKERS!!!!
I THOUGHT THEY WERE ABOUT TO SAY IT THEMSELF BUT THEY DIDN'T!!!!! ASDFSAFDSA
he really did me no favors here smh smh /silly
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codecicle · 7 months ago
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Ash how is the fated watching going rn?? You’re braver than most
godd wampus im fucking THRIVING right now. this campaign sucks so bad it's genuinely unwatchable at times and I think that's the appeal to me <3 they spent like 10 minutes just describing and figuring out how the money system works and literally none of them sound like they've ever played dnd before and i don't think it will ever pass the bechdel test once the entire campaign even with velrissa trying her hardest but it goes crazy anyway
br'aad is my favorite character by a lot right now,, he's my FREAKK i love him and his idiot swagger so much. he's supposed to be charismatic but he sucks so bad at it everyone hates him but sticks around with him anyway. he's a warlock and his patron stops time and gives him insight on things/danger to come and kicked off the main plot in the sickest sequence I've ever seen. also his gayboy ass really did walk so every other gayboy slimecicle character could run !! they were so right !! and the party spent the first and second session hating everything he said and did . Took them sooooo long to be normal about him but they got it eventually when mountain (MY MAANNNNNN) defended him. Also he says everything with ^_^ . Just outloud you can hear it in his voice
for the rest I think the only other character that's talking enough to form an opinion on is taxi. and that opinion is STRONGLY a good one o(-( ! his banter with br'aad is so fun they're the only characters that feel Real and In The World so far and I love it so much. the names bit where br'aad kept getting his name wrong and calling him "saxi" and whenever he corrected him br'aad would just go "I know saxi. Nice to meet you im br'aad!" actually had me in tears at a certain point they're the only ones that have gotten me to laugh fr fr so far
sadly velrissa mountain and sylnan just Don't Fucking Talk so i don't have any real concrete opinions on them yet other than "hmm. Interesting ^_^" velrissa and her necromancy stuff is so neat so far I hope we get to see it in action soon instead of just small mentions here and there. same with the dynamic between sylnan and br'aad I NEEED to see more snockers scenes like their sibling scamming bullshit seems so cool I can't wait for them to emotionally rip my heart out through my throat. I can feel it coming
honestly the main appeal of it all is the characters and the characters alone. them slowly becoming friends and trusting each other will fuck with my brain permanently. I already cheered out loud when they so much as INSINUATED that they could stand br'aad and his charisma and they don't actually hate being around each other like that made me so happy. their meeting makes no sense but that's okay the Shenanigans with the solid snake box and br'aad trying and failing to stealth was so fun and "nice forearms, and a nicer staff!" and the little weirdo gremlin goblin following them around they're all very scared of and creeped out by (except for br'aad. he is strongly sexually attracted to goblins. this is canon and brought up over and over again) all make up for it. the story really doesn't matter to me here at all ^_^ all i care about are the characters being happy and traveling together and that's what makes the campaign enjoyable for me
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ladyseidr · 2 months ago
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okay! finally making this an official post: if you want my "new" discord, please either A. like this post, or B. DM me. either way, i'll DM you the name. it's not some secret or anything ( it's identical to my personal blog's url lmao ) but y'know. just not posting publicly this time
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elegyofthemoon · 11 months ago
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some work stuff thats been on loop in my head all week
so i think most of this week minus today, i've sorta accepted that i'm just riding a dying dream. that's mostly why everything feels very unreal these days just bc i wanted to distance myself from it i think. that at the end of this, i'll just fail again and then i'll fail out and that'll be it for me and i'll somehow magically pick up the pieces and sort my life out in some different way with the numerous backup plans i have saved for myself
but i'm still on top of stuff. i'm doing what i'm supposed to, even if it's kinda painful to do thinking that all this effort will amount to nothing in the end.
i get asked to review a new patient who came in the night prior to present to the other doctors, and i go and do that. i get to know the patient and try to figure out whats going on. i go and do my physical exam and all that, and at the end, when im trying to wrap things up, she stops me just to say "you're such a sweet and kind doctor. the other ones are so abrupt and dont listen to me"
i had to just kinda smile bittersweetly at that bc thats really all i want to be. i just want to take care of my patients and make sure they get the best help they can. i want to, but im no good medical student.
i thanked her again and left to go present the patient accordingly. the whole moment still sits with me a lot though and i just sorta play it on loop.
by character, i'm very much a caretaker. i love taking care of people and its always at the risk of overdoing myself - something i'm working on. if i could i'd do anything to keep up with this dream so that i can better help everyone. but i still find myself at a loss. i'm by no means smart. i just want to help however way i can, and if that means being in this position to do so, then i'm happy for it.
it just makes me sad because i'll meet the worst medical students - my peers - and i question and wonder and worry about the people who would fall into their care. i'm not saying i deserve their position. i understand i'm not smart enough to be where i am. heck, im even surprised i even got where i am tbh albeit i am also failing severely now lmao but it's just... it makes me sad that the smart people i meet are always so awful
at the very least, that moment with the patient was nice even if its bittersweet. it at least means that i was already where i kinda wanted to be as a person. i want to be there. and i want to take care of others because i care.
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